#the really nice thing about my internship is that its just me there when i go and the prof im with doesnt insist on small talk or anything

[i-miss-lotor]

Little bit of a vent cause I can't sleep cause of anxiety and worry

[thesunloveschips]

Obsessed - Part 8 (Azriel x Reader)

Summary: Y/n discovers a few things and a few more are revealed.

Warnings: sex, minors please stay away.

Click here for Obsessed (Masterlist)

****

Y/n was upset. Her semester was ending. The exchange programme had come to a close. Now, she’d have to leave for her internship and then go back to her university for the remainder of her studies. She’d miss her friends. She’d miss this new country. 

And who knew how long Azriel was posted here in this city? 

It was a coincidence that they met and they had a good few months together but Y/n really did not want to go back to a life where he was not a constant. 

The idea of it didn’t sit well with her. 

After her last exam today, she’d taken some time for her friends here. On her way back to the apartment, she’d started feeling upset but then she wore a smile and rang Azriel’s doorbell.       

He’d opened the door, took one look at her, and fucked her wildly like he wanted to reinforce something. And then, they made love to each other with Y/n slowly riding him. 

Y/n let herself rise and fall, eyes closed. Her hands were on his chest, tattooed and perfect for her. His large hands nearly covered all of her ass. 

Fuck. 

He was such a large man and the most convincing evidence of it was deep inside her, thick and throbbing as she rode him at her own pace. 

She could feel the air on her body. Her nipples were already hard and were even more sensitive after Azriel had sucked on them and smeared his saliva, and then left them exposed. 

Her breasts ached and all she wanted was his large hands to pinch and grab them roughly as if he selfishly owned her. 

His hands. Gods, they were so perfect. 

The tattoos on his fingers was an arousing sight. 

Especially after she’d once seen herself suck them. 

The way those hands groped every part of her and were still on her ass. 

She was in bed, tired after exams and sex. Azriel had woken up after a nice cuddling session for a meeting. It was an urgent one and he’d promised to return soon but Y/n was not going to pester him even if he didn’t. 

The man had a job. That too, at Umbra got fuck’s sake. That was an empire on its own managed by some young fellow Y/n hadn’t bothered about since that was not her field. 

Sex with Azriel always made her sleepy and she always woke up feeling refreshed. 

Her eyes were closed. The furry blanket was so cosy and she was just there. 

Her phone rang and interrupted her peace. 

Y/n groaned in frustration. She grabbed it and softened when she saw Azriel’s name. She swiped on the screen and accepted the call. “Hey.”

“Hello, sweetheart. I hope I wasn’t disturbing you.”

“No, no. Tell me.” She wouldn’t tell him that she wanted to sleep even more. 

“Could you bring me my iPad? It’s on the nightstand.” Y/n rose and looked around for the device. 

“Where. . Got it.” She removed herself from the sheets, ended the call, took the iPad, and was about to walk out of the room when a message popped up. 

Miss Y/n’s mother has sent a parcel to the apartment she shared with Nesta Archeron. We believe her mother has no knowledge of her current whereabouts and her exchange program. 

What? 

Y/n tapped on the notification and the chat opened. It was a group chat with Azriel and a bunch of people. She scrolled and read the messages.

Other members of the group chat were constantly updating on her location and activities while Azriel had sent the occasional ‘okay’.

She also found photographs of her taken from her outings with friends. Taken from a distance and clearly not with her consent. 

The more she saw, the more she wanted to smash her head against something. 

Why? 

Why did Azriel have her followed? 

He’d always known where she was, at what time, who she was with. She hadn’t bothered hiding much from him. 

Then why was this. . ?

Y/n walked over to the room with the iPad, the group chat open on it.

She saw Azriel’s eyes widen as she entered the room. She placed the iPad on his table. “What’s this?”

He looked at the chat quietly and then looked up at her. 

Y/n felt hot with fury coursing through every part of her. And yet, for some strange reason, she felt cold. 

It wasn’t until Azriel walked over and wrapped a jacket around her that she realised that she hadn’t dressed after leaving bed. 

She’d been naked and angry. 

“I’ve had you followed, Y/n.” 

And she couldn’t control it. 

She was barely restraining herself until then but to hear him say that he had her followed broke the dam. 

“Why? Didn’t you trust me enough to go out and not cheat on you?” 

This time, Azriel sounded confused. “It wasn’t because I thought you were cheating on me.” 

The audacity of this man to say such a thing. He had her watched and followed and photographed and so much more. 

“Scroll up, Y/n. This started the night I met you in that club before we ever spoke to each other properly.” He extended the iPad to her. 

She hesitantly took it and scrolled up furiously. When she reached the first message, she saw the date the group had been created. Feyre’s birthday. There was a photo of her dancing in that club with Nesta. 

Somebody had sent a few documents. She opened them—her CV, biodata, details of people close to her. 

“You’ve known all this about me?” He silently nodded. She felt like such a fool. 

Y/n couldn’t even think. She couldn’t process it like this. So she simply kept the iPad on his desk and walked away. 

“Y/n. Y/n, listen to me, sweetheart.” He was following. She increased her pace and entered his room. Her clothes were on the chair and she began dressing. “Y/n, please. I only wanted to know about you.”

She looked at him and it hurt. 

It hurt to know that this man didn’t trust her. 

Didn’t trust time. 

Didn’t trust their connection. 

“I would’ve told you everything with time.”  She wanted to cry. “Whenever I was ready to revisit my past and speak about it, I would’ve told you. About my childhood. My ex. My mother.”

“I only wanted to know about you.” He was pleading but she was so tired. 

“You did not trust that our relationship would reach to the point where I would ever confide in you. You thought yourself entitled to find everything about me. .” She choked back a sob. Azriel moved to hold her but she took a step behind and he halted. 

“You did not trust me.” It was a whisper and it broke everything. “And therefore, you violated my privacy.”

“I did not get that information because I didn’t trust you.” Azriel moved. When he reached her, he kneeled. 

“I was impatient. I wanted to know everything about you immediately. I’m desperate for anything you’ll give me. You heart, your body—I cannot have them unless you give them to me. But information—that I can take from any place. And I’ll take any scrap of it you leave behind.”

What was this feeling? She was being broken but also healed at the same time. And even then, everything hurt. 

“And as for being followed, I had to know that you were safe.” He was still kneeling. The world was blurry.

Y/n was still cold as she hadn't dressed completely. 

She didn’t know anymore. 

She didn’t want him to know that she had a troubled past at least until she could help it. 

She knew it would’ve come out soon but this soon? It wasn’t at her own pace. 

What was she supposed to do? 

Should she explain it to Azriel?

Should she be angry at him? 

Should she end this relationship? 

It was dizzying now. Her breathing was becoming difficult. 

She could hear her sniffles, Azriel calling her name. “. . breathe, sweetheart. Inhale. . . Exhale. . .” 

He kept telling her to inhale and exhale until she could focus on those words and force her breathing into a pattern. 

She was sitting now. Azriel was wiping her nose with something. A blanket was draped over her. He was right there, holding her hand. 

Her eyes fluttered close and Y/n faded into the dark. 

****

Whispers.

Somebody was talking. 

Somebody was responding. 

It ached. 

Something more than her body ached. 

“. . rest and she’ll be. . medicines. . . care.” 

Y/n faded away again. 

****

Y/n was warm. In a room. It was dark. And a hand held her own. 

Azriel was right there, sitting on the floor, one hand holding hers and the other arm folded on the bed to rest his head. 

He must’ve fallen asleep. 

She tried to rise and felt too weak. But the shuffling of the blankets was enough to wake him up. 

“How are you feeling?” His deep voice asked. 

“Fine.” She didn’t want to say anything more. Absolutely nothing. 

She’d sweat a lot. The greasy feeling of it remained on her body. “You have a fever.” 

Oh. 

“Have some medicine.” And he rose to leave her side, to get a strip of tablets and water from the nightstand but she did not let go of his hand in the first instance. 

“Y/n.” And then she immediately let go and looked away. What was she supposed to do? 

Was their bond supposed to be overlooked by this? 

Could it be so easily sidelined? 

She saw his hand with the medicine come in her line of sight. “Medicine.” 

His voice was only deep whispers ever since she woke up. As if he was afraid his normal pitch would shatter something.

Y/n quietly took the medicine and water and consumed them. Azriel was there to take the glass away from her and he kneeled by the bedside. 

“You had a panic attack and then you fainted.” 

“And the fever?”

“You came to me with the iPad unclothed, leaving your body exposed to the cold. And you didn’t fully dress when you came to the bedroom.” And she was now wearing one of his sweatshirts which was too big for her.

Y/n could tell that he was being careful with his choice of words. 

“I’m so sorry, Y/n.” He clutched her hand as though in prayer. “It’s my fault you had a panic attack.” 

Damn straight. 

Was there any point? 

“I need to go.” She knew she sounded weak and pathetic and even if she did go back to her apartment, there was no way she’d be able to take care of herself.

“Please. Rest here until you recover. I’ll sleep on the sofa.” 

“Don’t you understand?” Oh gods, she was going to sob any moment now. Or scream. “If I stay here, even for a single second, I will not get any clarity.” 

“As you wish.” Azriel retreated to a distance. Y/n slowly stood up under his gaze. 

She remembered that she had only worn her panties and jeans when Azriel had followed her to apologise. So she removed his sweatshirt he had dressed her in. 

When the sweatshirt was over her head, leaving her bare, Y/n saw that Azriel had turned away, as if he knew his permit to see her naked had been revoked.

She wore her own clothes and looked around. She grabbed her phone and walked towards the door where he stood with his back towards her.

Upon hearing her footsteps, he moved away, clearing the way for her. Once she began walking, she heard him follow her. She looked behind and saw his imposing figure behind her.

He was in pain. 

So much pain. 

She could see it. 

But so was she. 

And Y/n had had enough of ignoring her own pain for others. 

But Azriel standing there and following her from behind was a realisation. 

That he’d always be there. Behind her if not beside her. 

“Call me.” He suddenly said. “If you need anything—medicines, food, anything—just call.”

She wanted to kiss him. So she turned away and left his apartment.

Y/n climbed into her bed, her fluffy blanket, and fell asleep without changing her clothes. 

****

Azriel had a mission. 

Scratch that, he had two missions. 

One, Y/n’s recovery. 

Two, Y/n’s forgiveness.

He honestly didn’t understand where she’d gotten the idea that he had her followed to monitor her in case she cheated. 

If she did cheat on him, it would be the fault of the fuckwit who thought he could drive a wedge between them. 

Azriel would simply dispose of any such menaces and Y/n wouldn’t even know anything.

He sighed.

Her not knowing had not turned out well for him. 

He’d flown in his personal doctor in the middle of the night. And while she’d been resting in his apartment, he’d gotten a doctor in the city to check on her. 

His doctor was situated in one of the apartments, ready at a moment’s notice. 

Azriel kept stock of medicines and food ingredients, just in case she wanted something. 

And he waited like a dutiful husband. 

And while he waited, he googled up on how he could earn her forgiveness. 

The bugs in her apartment began transmitting her sound. She was crying and talking. He heard the name Nesta. And more crying. 

She was worried about how this would pan out. 

How she’d been an excellent fool by falling for him. 

Wait. 

Y/n had fallen for him? 

Oh. 

He shouldn’t be happy considering what happened but he couldn’t help it. 

And it was then that Azriel decided that he should probably get rid of those bugs before she saw one or saw something else on his iPad. 

He wasn’t going to hide the iPad. 

He didn’t like hiding things from Y/n but there were certain things he simply hoped she’d never find. 

It was poor thinking but what else could he do? 

He was obsessed and his morals clashed and crashed far too often for it to make sense. 

As as for how to earn her forgiveness, Y/n’s favourite books had a lot of fictional men grovelling after fucking up. 

He needed to analyse everything. 

What exactly was she hurt about. 

What could he do to stop her hurt? 

How to make amends. 

How to convince her that he was not a complete piece of shit and was worth some consideration of forgiveness. 

Her safety had been an important concern. 

If Y/n knew the number of people that had started following her while she went out on her own. 

The number of people that had been beaten up so that she could roam around outside without anything to fear.

The number of phone numbers he’d looked into after any call that made her uncomfortable. He had them all deactivated.

No. 

Her safety was an important matter that needed his attention. 

It was not a bargaining chip to win an argument or to prove a point. 

It was simply his duty. 

But how was he going to convince her that he hadn’t worried about her cheating? 

That he was only endlessly and ravenously curious about her ever since he first saw her? 

Azriel sighed. He needed advice. He picked up his phone and called the one person he trusted enough with such a matter. When the call was answered, he began. “Hello, mum.”

****

Taglist:

@fantanbietsson @angstylittleb1tch @fhgsvbnh @olive-main @cherryjain17 @halo-mystic @starofanotherworld @latinxbipride @viatorem-maris @acotarbestie @sevikas-whore @anthonys-viscountess @randomgurl2326 @thelov3lybookworm @cat-or-kitten @mortqlprojections @tele86 @rorel1a @red0202 @atomictyphoonkitten @colorfulgardenerduck @scarsandallaz @anonymousdisco @rcarbo1 @workof-a-rr-t @fuckingsimp4azriel @isabella13dusk @donnadiddadog @yannnnooooxoxox-blog @nxgh1 @thedeviltohisangel @katherinebright @fandomtrash5092 @epicsweetness712 @anik-4 @hitsxbikbv @julesvanslutta @fae-dreamer-99 @cartonkid1200 @anainkandpaper @yourwonderbelle @stefbroo @imjustagirl713 @bbykaixx @lilah-asteria

[makedonsgriva]

Random, what are your top favorite fics that you've written (feel free how much that you want to list)? Why they're special to you? Is there a specific inspiration when you wrote them?

Oh this is a pretty cool ask!

I will list five here!

1. We Should Just Kiss (Like Real People Do)

I’m actually pretty proud of this fic because it’s the first one I wrote after a pretty long hiatus and I was very nervous about it because a) it was my first fic for a new fandom b) it has explicit sexual content and I wasn’t sure if could pull it off nicely c) writing calamity xie lian and wu ming was a task alright like this fic took me almost a month i guess?? and d) since it was something I’d written after so long I was nervous my writing would be crappy

But people liked it and even I was very satisfied and pleased with how it turned out in the end! I’m pretty proud of it. Idk how I was inspired to write this fic because I started on a draft of it in the notes app of my phone while I was commuting back to home after my internship (harrowing experience fr)

(Maybe the fic made me channel out all my frustrations caused by the internship via xie lian)

2. I Really Like Your Company

I love this fic because it’s the first multi chapter fic I completed and posted. Also because it was my lifeline fr while I was grappling with many things. I’d started it as a gift for one of my dear friends and then it just became so much more. It’s so warm and comforting.

I was throwing in tropes and all cute stuff I could imagine in it and it made me happy. Writing that fic, getting comments on it made me very happy. I love that fic.

3. Once More We Try

Okay I’m actually still working on this fic and as a matter of fact I was working on its latest chapter before this and I truly think this fic has quickly become one of my favourites because I love writing all the characters in it so much. There’s so much to explore and so much to write and it’s a challenge but such a good challenge!

Idk how I got the inspiration for the fic I was just scrolling through tumblr one day and I randomly got this thought that huh what if SY had died instead of throwing Binghe in the abyss? And then I posted that idea and.

IT BLEW UP?

so I thought whoa why wait for someone else to write it when I can write it so I got down to business and here we are! It’s super fun. I love this fic so much. It’s also my first fic for scum villain fandom and I’m so glad it’s been so well received ❤️

4. Song of The River City

Another TGCF fanfic! I’ve put it on hold for now as I’m planning to complete OMWT before I get back to it. I’m actually very proud of this AU where we have ghost king! Xie Lian who had died during the hundred sword scene and cultivator! Hua Cheng (who had dispersed his soul as Wu Ming and was re incarcerated as the cultivator). I’m planning to do great things with this AU and I also love writing a darker XL.

The inspiration for this fic was that I was just thinking about the hundred sword scene and I thought, huh what if that guy died here? So I got down to work.

I love this fic and writing all the characters in it and plotting out the backstories is very fun! Especially the latest chapter where I’d posted the fengqing backstory is one of my favourites. I’m proud of it.

5. I Remember It

So this is just 100 words long and I love this fic because I feel like I managed to break mine and all its readers hearts in so few words. I love writing drabbles because they are always a good challenge for me and this one is a particular favorite of mine. The inspiration for it was actually a fic idea that I later scrapped away. The fic was supposed to be from the pov of snowbaz’s kid and her experience with them as she got older and they aged too and yeah.. somehow it turned into that.

Thank you so much for the ask!

[silencesscreams]

high infidelity

peter parker x f!reader

you know there’s many different ways that you can kill the one you love, the slowest way is never loving them enough.

warnings: college!, cheating?, toxic relationships, drinking, kissing, making out, SMUT, dirty talk, a bit of degradation, teeny tiny bit of angst, choking, oral ( f. receiving), no use of protection (please be careful and use protection irl), nicknames like princess or baby, cuddles, aftercare??

an: this happens after the whole nwh incident, so they are both 18+ AND I ABSOLUTELY LOVE COLLEGE! + PETER

it was 6 in the morning, you were brushing your teeth as your phone started to ring.

‘chris <3’ was written on the screen, along with a picture of him sticking his tongue out, that goddamn photo, it mocked you. you eyed your phone for a while before picking up, you had a fight last night, you didn’t remember the reason though. probably something you said, you hadn’t been seeing him in person for a few days now, you had been spending the winter break at your grandmothers. going back to uni on that same day you fought. chris studied there too, but he was on another level. he had come from dozens of private schools, uniforms and everything else in the deal, his acceptance was guaranteed on his last name. maybe it all was just a game for him.

“hey, did i wake you up?” he questioned, once you put the phone on speaker.

“hi chris. you didn’t, is everything alright?”

“yeah, just wanted to check in. you haven’t texted me since that talk we had” it wasn’t a talk. it was him screaming on the phone with you, like you had killed his entire family and burnt down his house, when you had just told him you felt sorry about not getting accepted on the internship at the stark industries, and talking about how peter parker, a guy in your hall that had gotten accepted when he was in high school.

“yeah… sorry about what i said, i know how you feel about me being friends with guys and all. and we never even really talked babe, he was just my biochemistry partner last semester.” you apologized, not wanting to discuss this at the time, maybe you’d just let it go. it was no use anyways. the relationship had been falling apart for a while now.

“it alright. just don’t do it again. ‘gonna get breakfast at the diner with lucas and the boys, so ill talk to you later, alright? text you when i get there.”

“sure” you replied as he hung up. maybe you should break up, just rip the band aid off, you know? it was clear that it would happen sooner or later. it was stupid to keep it like that, all the fighting was just idiotic.

when you got to the chemistry lecture, you got to your usual seat, middle row third seat. you spent a few minutes biting the inside of your cheeks while checking your phone from minute to minute. you hated when he did that. you couldn’t quite find a way to finish your relationship and not end up being crucified, you felt in high school again. all the parties, homework, relationship issues. you could feel so impotent around him, like everything you say is wrong and he’ll always know better than you because he went to ivy-

“hey, y/n, right?” you heard a male voice say, turning around to face yourself with peter parker.

“y-yeah. peter?” you replied, looking at him smiling.

“that’s me. is this seat taken? its always nice to be around a familiar face so…” he asked, pointing to the seat on your left, that was occupied by your backpack.

“oh, right, no its not taken!” you answer quickly removing your things from the chair so he can sit down, trying to be as nice as possible. he quickly sat down, eyeing you in awkwardness.

“hear you applied for the stark memorial thing, that’s nice of you!” he smiles, taking out his notebook. “sorry, uhm, i forgot my pencil… so could you maybe…?”

“oh sure! absolutely!” you had gotten lost in your own sea of thoughts smiling at him. ever since you’ve met peter you’ve felt something about him. maybe now your relationship is almost over you could maybe have a shot, you don’t know at what, but you could.

mid presentation, peter slips you a note. something he was afraid to say, but felt the urge.

‘wanna go to a party next week?’

you look at him, right next to you with an intrigued smile.

‘where?’

you write, and quickly give it back to him.

‘john’s, first floor of your dorms building. it’ll be around nine, i can bring you as an extra if you’d like.’ when he gives it back, you immediately feel bad, having to turn him down like this.

‘sorry peter, just remembered i’m going out with my boyfriend that night. its our anniversary, so sorry. would love to go, though!’ you give the note back with an empathetic smile. you can see that he feels a bit embarrassed, you hate it.

for the rest of the lecture he’s absolutely quiet, you can feel him eyeing you, some sort of feeling you couldn’t quite decipher.

as the teacher started to close up, he gave you a piece of paper.

“my number, if you ever need it. feel free to text.” he smiles at you, picking up his bag and leaving. maybe you should text, just maybe.

it was around half past eight when you realized something, your boyfriend wasn’t coming. in fact, he stood you up.

‘fuck you chris. this is it.’

well, you needed to text him something, maybe it was the heat of the moment, or just an impulsive thing. you only realized what you were doing when peter picked up.

“hello?” he said over the phone.

“hi peter, its y/n, is that invite still up?” in the past week, the two of you had been talking a lot, mostly texting. you met up in a starbucks twice to work on homework, but that was mostly it. sure, you’d developed a small crush, but you still had a boyfriend. but maybe that wasn’t the situation anymore.

“y-yeah, can i pick you up? is everything alright?”

“sure. ill be ready in five, see you soon.” you hang up, deciding it is go time, no matter what was going to happen after, this was your shot at it. maybe you could have some fun. he was always fun.

a few minutes later, you were locking you door as he waited for you to go with him.

“hope you didn’t have to cancel with anyone for this, sorry for the mast minute call.” you apologize, putting your keys in your purse.

“oh its fine dont worry, i wasn’t planning on bringin anyone else.” he smiled at you, while walking. you could tell he’d sprayed on some perfume and that his hair was still damp, you found it sweet he put effort in to getting ready for the night out. “what happened to your date with chris?” he questioned, almost puking the words out, he seemed nervous about it.

“oh, hm, i guess i got stood up. sorry, that makes you seem like a second option, but i truly wanted to go so i remembered and i dont want you to-“

“its alright, y/n. i get it, hes an asshole for standing you up like that.” he interrupted your blabbering.

“yeah, i guess he is.”

“what do you want? on me, please!” he says loudly, ao you could hear him through the music, he took a sip out of his beer, staring at you.

“just a shot! i hate the taste of beer, no offense though!”

“nome taken, sweetie.” he looks over your shoulder, and you can see a frown forming on his face. “you wanna go somewhere else? i dont feel like this’ll go well.” he says, his voice a bit lower now.

“what do you mean?” you say, so you turn around and you see him. chris. casually smoking, with a girl by his side and his free hand on her thigh. “seriously? fuck him.” you mutter, looking over at peter.

“no, its fine, dont worry about me.” you smile, the shots are delivered and you quickly take one. the taste of vodka and a bit of lemon going down your throat, burning hot. you can see through glances they have started to make out, he probably didnt notice you yet, so he’d come up with some excuse later.

but peter needed to make sure he did.

“hey, wanna go dance? fuck chris, lets have some fun, alright?” he said, taking you by the hand to the dance floor, with a dozen bodies moving to some song you didnt quite recognize. his breath hitched over your neck as you moved with him, your arms over his neck and your hips swaying to the beat. if you ever had a doubt he was into you, that was quickly offset by the way his eyes roamed your body. focused on every inch of you. god, he loved that dress.

“your boyfriends staring…” he whispered into your ear, nipping at it.

“oh, im sure hes not my boyfriend anymore. besides, we should put on a show for him, shouldn’t we?” you smile at him, turning around and starting to grind against him. you could hear him whisper curses, and you knew you both were in for one hell of a night. you could feel him grow through your dress, eager for more, but tonight, you were having the urge to tease him (more than you already were).

you never did that to piss off chris, you did it because you wanted peter. because peter parker was just perfect for you. maybe that was how you knew this wouldn’t ever be a one time thing. as the music was fading to its end, you turned to him, looking him in the eye.

for a moment there, you got lost in him. you forgot what you were about to say. his eyes had a bit of green in them, you had never realized that, maybe because you should’ve let yourself get lost in him before.

“y/n” he calls, pulling you from your thoughts.

“yeah?” and then you realize. he was staring back, and he was close. god, was he close.

“what the fuck do you think you’re doing?!” you are both quickly interrupted by chris, trying to push peter away from you, but he was faster, dodging him.

“id ask you the same, christian. you bailed on me, what’d you want me to do, huh? stay at the restaurant? waiting patiently for you to finish fucking some other girl, and eating appetizers? because that’s the ideal night! we’re over and you know it, leave me alone.”

“and so you cheat on me with this dick because i bailed on you once? really? fuck you y/n!” he says, screaming at you, his voice was louder than the music.

“i’m cheating on you?! I cheated on YOU? chris, for the past four months you’ve ditched 15 dates, a total of 5 dinners, two breakfast occasions and 8 lunches in the dining hall, honestly, where were you? why couldn’t you just send a fucking text? what? were you just too busy in bed with some other girl? because you sure as hell are missing tons of classes, there’s gotta be an answer right? fuck you chris. just leave me alone.” you scream back, if this was the last time he screamed at you, you sure as hell wouldn’t take it all in. he makes his usual, but more extreme, i want you to die face and walks away, slamming on to you purposefully as he walks.

in a matter of seconds you see peter punching chris, and you’re instantly shocked because you never saw peter as a guy who fights, and you were two times more shocked once you se chris falling to the ground.

god, was peter hot in that moment. he ran his hand through his hair.

“come on, lets get out of here.” he says, his eyes a bit darker now. and you were in, you were in for all of it.

“sorry, i know punching exes is more of a 5th date kind of thing.” he says, hissing as you put his dominant hand in a bucket of ice.

“i’m okay with it.” you said, leaning against the cold tiles of peter’s bathroom wall. after the ‘fight’ you needed to take care of him, and so you decided to kill two birds with one stone, going back to his place.

“just to clarify, i don’t usually get in to fights. ever. but i don’t know, him slamming in to you like that? god, y/n, he’s such an asshole.” peter said looking at the door to his room, seeing it quickly open and close, it was his roommate.

“can i talk to him for like 5 minutes tops?” he asks, his brows furrowed. you nod, smiling at him.

he leaves the bathroom, closing the door after him. you could hear him whisper to his friend.

“please, steven just leave for a few hours just do me a favor, man!”

“who do you have here? please don’t tell me its chris’s girl because he’ll kick your ass” there was a pause. “you are so dead.”

“they broke up, please let me try please!”

“i’ll sleep at carson’s, but i swear to god, if it goes bad for you i’m not covering for your ass.”

“fair enough! thank you thank you thank you!” you giggle at his excitement, so you hike your dress up, and continue sat on the bathroom floor, making sure he could see a glimpse of your underwear once he walked in.

peter was sweet and perfect for you, but you never imagined yourself in that situation, and to be fully honest, you were loving it.

when he walks in to the bathroom again, you try your hardest to not blush because damn it, all he said was “hi” and you’re 3 seconds away from taking off all of your clothes and kissing him.

he sits next to you, eyeing your thighs. he wonders if you were dressed up like that once you called him, or if you had changed to see him. he surely hoped that dress was for him, because he was so jealous of chris in that moment. every day he was jealous of chris, not because he felt inferior, because chris could see you like that. because chris could hear you moan his name. peter never wanted someone so bad in his entire life.

“it was just steven, you remember him right? from biochem?” you nod, staring at him for a while now.

“do you, uhm, need any more ice?” you ask, looking at his red knuckles, trying to focus on something else (which obviously doesn’t work).

“why’d you call me?” he asks abruptly.

“what?”

“why did you call me ?”

“because i could trust you, i guess, i don’t know.” you answer, feeling a bit ashamed.

“why’d you leave him? i mean, after all this time? you knew about all his bullshit didn’t you?”

“peter, once you just appeared back into my life i took it as a sign, i mean, staying with him was killing me. you know him, right? you went to school with him”

“yeah i did, but it just doesn’t make sense to me, what are we? i’m not just someone you can call when your boyfriend’s not around, i’m sorry to be rude but i’m not that guy, y/n, and if that’s what you’re looking for, i don’t want it.” “peter. i want you okay? you’re the only person i want, the only person i’ve wanted for a while now. he never loved me enough, hell, he never loved me. i don’t want him, i want you. please, just believe me in me, please.” you say quickly, trying to get all your feelings out, though they could never be translated to words, he stares at you, wondering what to do next. and so he kisses you.

it starts off as a soft thing, a delicate and sweet kiss. you part your lips, waiting for him to reciprocate. and so it turns into a passionate and messy kiss, your tongues intertwining and you could taste him, you could taste his minty breath. you could taste peter fucking parker. and with that, you don’t waste any time.

your hands drift off to his hair, tugging on it, kissing him desperately. you feel his hands roaming your waist, he starts kissing your neck, nipping at it, whispering onto your skin.

“you have no idea for how long i’ve wanted you, fuck…” he whispers, helping you up and bringing you towards his bed, hands on your ass and not stopping his kisses on your neck, he sits you on bed, his knee aiming towards the inside of your thighs, he takes his shirt off and his jeans had already fell to the carpet, you couldn’t help but smile, he was so pretty.

“i saw what you did there, don’t think i didn’t notice.” he says, referring to the was you looked in the bathroom.

“i have no idea what you’re talking about” you whisper through a moan, as he starts kissing your chest, pulling your dress down and unclipping your bra.

“don’t lie to me, you know better then that…” he says, looking at you with those eyes, he quickly starts sucking onto your left nipple.

while he works on your tits with his mouth, his right hand is headed towards your lace panties, only playing with the hem of it.

“that alright, princess?” you nod a yes in answer. “i wanna hear you say it.” “fuck, yes, its great, peter… please.” you answer in the midst of moans.

“good. do you like this? did you get what you wanted, huh?” he asks, kissing your thighs, everywhere but not where you most needed him, he was teasing you.

“y-yeah, i wanted you so bad, please.” you say, hands trailing off to his hair again, you could feel your panties getting wetter by the second, and he knew that too.

he takes them off slowly, teasing you more and more.

“so wet, all for me, baby?” peter asks, kissing the inside of your thighs, making sure to leave marks.

“ yes, pete, all for you, please…” you nod, desperately, needing him more and more.

“what’d you want, huh? tell me, y/n.” he asks, looking at you with doe eyes, spreading your legs for him to see more. he was loving to see you like this, he needed it again and again every day and it was only just beginning.

“i… i need you to touch me, please, taste me, please” you ask, feeling your face getting hotter, his hands roaming your waist, you can feel your stomach sink with need.

“that was all you needed to say, smart girl” he answers, licking a broad stripe from top to bottom, he tasted all he could. “you’re so pretty honey, so fucking pretty"

peter inserts a finger in, causing you to moan, you could feel his grin over your clit. sucking on to your bud, you couldn’t believe you’d spent all this time without this side of him. as he stretches you out, inserting another finger, you feel as if you touched heaven and came back. you had never felt this way, with anyone. it was him.

“fuck!” you moan as he brings a third finger into the equation, his mouth and hands working together, just for you.

“peter i’m so close please” and just with that, he stops, leaving you empty and eager for more. and just like that he’s on top of you again, kissing you eagerly, making you get a taste of yourself. his dominant hand on your neck, squeezing it softly, just enough.

“you’re so fucking hot” he whispers against your lips, you can feel his grin on your skin as he kisses your neck again, nipping and leaving marks all over. your pussy aching for him, you needed him inside you so so so bad.

“peter” you whisper, trying to get his attention, though he seems very entertained by your neck and how mane hickeys he could leave.

“yeah?” he immediately stops, looking at you, his brows furrowed.

“i need you inside me. i need your dick.” you say, getting more red, his lips swollen and pink, he looks beautiful. his hair messy, you wanted him so bad.

“yeah? you need my dick?” he asks, teasing you, a smirk forming itself on his face.

“please, peter. i need you so much” you say, nodding with your words. he looks at you with his eyes shiny. he takes himself out of his underwear, you’d already seen his bulge but you still were surprised. he starts aligning himself to your hole, tapping his tip on your clit, teasing you.

“so pretty like this, all for me” he says, slowly pushing in, “fuck…” he sighs, you moan trying to adjust to his size. he feels like heaven inside you. he starts thrusting lightly into you.

“harder… please i need you so bad, please, peter.” you say, looking at him over you with doe eyes, a smirk forms on his face, hearing you say those words.

“thats all you needed to say, princess.” he says, slamming into you quickly. You moan out unrecognizable words, a mix of “fuck” with “ohmygod” and “peter”. he was so fucking good, slamming into you, whispering curses, using his free hand to stimulate your clit. you were almost there, reaching your high, as you started to clench around him.

“no, don’t. not yet.” he says firmly, still pounding into you.

“please…” you ask, looking at him with those doe eyes again.

“no.” he answers again. “i want to cum with you.” he slams into you again, harder this time. picking up his pace, when suddenly his right hand is on your neck, squeezing it slightly.

“this okay?” he asks, you nod a yes. he’s pounding into you, you’re loving it. he has the power over you and you have to admit, you’re more turned on now than you ever were in your relationship with chris. you weren’t going to be able to hold back any longer, scratching his back with your nails, leaving marks all over.

“please, peter, i need to cum so bad please!” you beg, he looks at you with green eyes, brows furrowed.

"please princess, please cum for me." he says, his thumb not stopping at your clit, as you’re moving your hip with his. it takes no more than a few seconds until you're reaching your peak and moaning loudly. it's different from anything you've ever felt and you're trembling, moaning into peter's shoulder and leaving little crescent marks on his back from your nails. you could feel him twitch as you clench around him, his cum leaking inside you, carrying you through your high.

“fuck, so good all for me. my little slut.” he whispers while grunting and squeezing your neck more and mora tightly. your mouth forming an ‘O’ shape. God, was he good.

as soon as he finished, he dropped over you, his sweaty body coverings yours. you feel incredibly empty when he pulls out and lays beside you.

“you were so good.” he says, getting himself together and snuggling himself beside you. “i’ll clean you up in a bit, can we just stay like this a little?”

“sure.” you say, smiling, knowing it wouldn’t be a one time thing.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for not outing myself at my internship?

(some quoted things are paraphrased because my native language isnt english and i had to translate the things im quoting first.)

I (20+, trans nb) recently got a four week internship at a local radio station. I dont take any HRT yet and dont own a binder, so while i do try to dress in a way that feels comfortable to me, i dont really consider myself to be passing. So I applied to the internship as my deadname (which is also still my legal name) and introduced myself as a girl and with that name too. I was going in with the mindset that its kinda my own personal thing to consider, and since its only temporary and involves 'official' stuff (documents, articles being credited etc) + i never know how people would react to it/treat me, i dont necessarily have to tell everyone i meet. the internship went over kinda fast and everyone there was really nice and i had a feeling they'd also be accepting and use my right pronouns and name if i told them, but at that part i didnt have much time left and didnt want them to suddenly treat me differently and make a big thing out of it.

During the last few days of the internship, i got sick and couldn't go to work, which in itself was fine. But what happened was that my grandpa, who sometimes does volunteering at the same radio station, had an appointment to record something on one of the days i was sick and thought it'd be nice to surprise visit me. I, being sick and at home, obviously wasn't there but when he tried to find me he called out my new name and not my deadname, and when they got confused and asked him who he meant he apparently kind of laughed at them for not knowing that that name is me.

The next day, when i called in again to tell them I'd have to stay home for the next two days (till weekend) too, i immediately got asked why he was calling me [new name] instead of [deadname]. I got kinda uncomfortable since its like, either forcing me to lie or to out myself. I ended up telling them the truth, that im actually trans and prefer that name and that my family & friends use it for me, but that i didnt feel like outing myself at their workplace since it was only a short term official thing. The woman on the phone then went along the lines of "ah, i figured it was that already. you wouldnt have been the first trans intern we had, we would have been happy to use your new name for you. I also didn't like/appreciate your grandfather laughing at me for not knowing about it". I didnt really comment on that more than saying 'thanks' because i didnt want to have to defend me not outing myself? And we had a few other official things to discuss regarding the internship ending anyway.

A few days later i got mail from them, which had the documents i needed to prove i was an intern there (and they were nice and sent two copies, one with my deadname and she/her and one with my new name and he/him). There was another smaller piece of paper in the envelope which read "kind regards from everyone in the team. and sorry we weren't sensitive/understanding/empathetic enough for you to tell us".

And it sounds nice, but to me the message + the conversation i had where i was kind of forced to out myself earlier reads kind of passive aggressive. or as indirectly telling me i should have just outed myself and they're hurt by me not trusting them enough to tell them and making them look dumb to my grandfather for not knowing.

AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[bl-recs-and-reviews]

Hellooo! May i ask your help for something rather silly? Hahahaha. The thing is that i have just finished my internship at a hospital, i was there for a full year, barely existing at all and without seeing my family nor friends, but now i'm a doctor yay. And before that, BL helped me so much with my mental health because it was so light and helped me clear my mind, but since july 2023, when i entered the hospital, i lost total connection with it and i wanted to see if you could tell me what happenned ever since hahahaha, what were your favorite series since then? was there some groundbreaking series like "I told the sunset about you" or "180 grades of solitude passes between us"? What happenned with GMMTV and their actors? like i used to know everyone on the agenda, and now i see that the 2025 pilots are on and i feel lost I used to have full knowledge of your schedules and the shows on air (thanks to you, also. You were my main source of recs) but now i don't know where to start. If you can help me it would mean the world to me :))

Hi anon!! Of course, I'd love to help. This message made me super happy :)

If this was your source of recs then it means the blog is working as it should. So it'll be a pleasure to help you ❤

First things first, welcome back! And congrats on becoming a doctor!

BL recs from July 2023 to now

A lot of things have happened. There's so much BL out there that you'll have to pick and choose what to see. So I'll give you my favorites and I'll highlight some that have gained attention and praise

BL-recs-and-reviews picks

Laws of Attraction

You might recognize them from the bl lakorn Khun Chai. They had a very nice comeback with this legal adventure (or however you wanna call it) show. It has a righteous mourning uncle, an unhinged and shameless lawyer and a very nice grandma. Nice side couple too. A crazy lawyer works together with a righteous man to get justice for the killing of the righetous man's niece.

Be My Favorite

You might already know this one. We were all pleasently surprised by Krist's BL comeback. A great show overall. It was one of the interesting ones that stood it's ground until the end from GMMtv. A man gets a time traveling decive and ends up getting a partner.

Taikan Yohou/My Personal Weatherman

One of my favorites of 2023. To this day I'm still obessing over them. A Must Watch. Japanese BL with BDSM dynamics between the leads. Great and amazing overall. If you don't know what to start with, start with this one! A porn manga artist cohabitates with a weatherman. He takes care of the house chores in exchange for not paying rent. And they have sex whenever it's sunny outside.

I Feel You Linger In The Air

This one has become a classic. It's historical, it has angst and it makes you feel things all the way through. An architect gets thrown into the past and falls for an aristocrat. Time travel and reincarnation stuff is happening.

Love in Translation

The first series that gave us the amazing pair that is DaouOffroad. Lakorn vibes with some iconic NC scenes. A chinese immigrant needs a Thai patner to open his conveniece shop, but they don't really like each other. Shenanigans ensue.

Kimi to Nara Koi wo Shite mo ii / If it's with you (aka NaraKoi)

A nice and warm Japanese mini series. These two are the sweetest and cutest babies. They deserve everything. It's once again Japan doing its thing. Teenager love in a very fluffy way. A young gay boy moves to his grandmother's house and gives a chance to love when he meets the nicest local boy.

Utsukushii Kare Eternal - The Movie

If you're a fan of UtsuKare, know that the movie was released for international audiences. It was a great watch and a nice ending for this series.

7 Days Before Valentine

This one I think you might like. It's has the same director as 180 Degree Longitude Passes Through Us. Similarly not a lot of people watched it, but those who did had quite a treat. A supernatural being appears in front of our protagonist when he's heartbroken and tells him he can erase whomever he likes from this earth.

Ossan's Love Returns

Talented, Brilliant, Incredible, Amazing, Show stopping, Spectacular, Never the same, Totally unique. We LOVED this show. No need to have seen the first season to watch this one. Just about people and their relationships, and loving each other. Big BIG recommendation. Haruta and Maki have trouble adjusting to living together as a couple and end up getting a helper in the house, who just happens to be Chief Kurosawa.

Love for Love's Sake

Lately Korea has been doing great things. This was tiny show that broke and healed our hearts. Pain and happiness hand in hand, with a happy ending. Very deep messages about loving oneself and others. A guy enters a game where he has to make the main character happy.

Unkown

I haven't seen it yet but everybody was loving it on tumblr. It seems to be a solid show that nails the landing. We say "thank you Taiwan". The love story between two brothers (not by blood) who struggle with their feelings for one another.

25ji Akasaka de / At 25:00 in Akasaka

Another Highlight form Japan (am I biased?). It's got 2 emotionally stupid men feeling big feelings and hiding them constantly. Misunderstandings of the good kind and a satisfactory ending. It's so good. Two actors that used to be in the same Uni are now playing lovers in a show, and decide to pretend to be lovers to get into the roles.

Century of Love

We got DaouOffroad back at it again. Giving us a great lakorn-y fantasy show. With some iconic side characters and everything one can love and get from a reincarnation love story plot. A young man's lover dies protecting him on the night they were escaping her imposed marriage, so he uses the power of a goddess to stay alive for the next 100 years vowing to find her again and fulfill their love. Or he dies. But when he finally founds her, she is now a man.

Mr Mitsuya's Planned Feeding

Another Japanese highlight. We got a great cast, great food, great characters, and a great plot. Great stuff overall. We have an age gap romance with a charming middle aged man and an earnest young man. A newbie magazine reporter gets to eat the food made by the renowned cook who's articles he's publishing. Feelings ensue.

4 Minutes

Another iconic show. It was the latest Be On Cloud project. Great production and interesting premise. The ending was a bit weak but it did give us some unforgetable scenes. Involving Bible's things. Pretty nice. A rich brat suddenly has the power to see 4 minutes into the future. There's also muder mysteries.

Happy Of The End

Japan being great again. Another one to the pile of unforgetables. This was such an amazing show. Sad hopeless people finding one another and giving each other a reason to live. A guy who sleeps around to live in his lovers's houses get beaten up by another dude and ends up deciding to follow him.

Jack & Joker

The long awaited return of YinWar. It ended recently, so you might be aware of it. Based on an MV they did a while ago they finally got to produce the series. Despite it not being perfect it was great and a fun time. Joke is a thief and cons naive Jack in his youth. Years later after getting out of prison he want to make it up to Jack, but he wants nothing from him and is now a ruthless debt collector.

Let Free The Curse of Taekwondo

The new series from the one and only Hwang Da Seul, Korea's bestest (to my star, etc). A show that had us stuck to the screen for weeks. Here we have a painful love story between two flawed people who despite their surrounding dificulties manage to find their little bubble of peace with each other.

Love In The Big City

This one is a rare thing from Korea. Based on an (almost?) autobiographic novel of the same name it shows us the love life of a gay man in Seoul, and the hardships that come with it. Pretty groundbreaking.

Other remarkable series from Thailand

Wedding Plan: a series from Mame, that has a very different vibe from her usual stuff.

La Pluie: A great show with an interesting side couple. I didn't love it all the way throught but it was a great production and has been widely discussed on tumblr. 🌟

Only Friends: you probably know of this one in one way or another. P'Jojo's show about messy gays. It gave a lot to talk about and everybody has different opinions on the ending. But, for me, the particular highlight was Neo's character, Boston. 🌟

Be Mine Superstar: If you're a fan of JaFirst, know that they did another show. It was cute but not as intense as their other stuff, with very different characters.

Naughty Babe: The long awaited story of MaxNat's couple from Cutie Pie. It was exacrly what was expected and had some iconic CGI and plot points xD

Twins: A less-known and smaller production. FrameRyan gave us great chemistry in a volleyball court with some questionable plot points. But hopefully we will see them again in something else. (also height gap)

Last Twilight: P'Aof's latest project. Looked very promising but the ending was very unsatisfactory. It did the rounds on tumblr but we were all left with a bitter taste in the mouth because of some plot choices.

The Sign: An ambitious project with fantasy and the police. Genres that require a thourough planning and might not have been totally up to the task. However, no other BL has had this type of mythological fantasy before and we got a lot of iconic characters, good and evil, and iconic butts in showers. BillyBabe are now a well know ship. A great watch too. 🌟

Pit Babe: The 1st live action Omegaverse! Wow, what a ride. It was a lot. The omegaverse traits were tweaked enough for it to work out. Unforgetable for many reasons. Pretty good. 🌟

Playboyy: This show was about sex workers and sex. And a dissappearance. I ddin't get to watch it but it was another one of those shows we won't forget for a while.

Cooking Crush: One of the 2 OffGun shows we got. It was cute and fluffy. Not my cup of tea but a lot of people seemed to like it.

Cherry Magic Thailand: The return of TaiNew. It was a great success and they managed to tell the story in a very Thai way, with some very funny scenes.

Dead Friend Forever: Be On Cloud's other project that was released. It shares a lot of its cast with 4minutes and we got a bunch of interesting pairs and actors from it. Drugs, murder and revenge. Interesting to say the least. 🌟

1000 Years Old: Another small production. Featuring a very nice vampire that only wants to find love and show off his umbrellas. It was very cute. Similar to IWKY in vibes.

Knock Knock Boys: Another show that made the rounds around tumblr. The couples were cute and we now love Almond and Latte. Recomended if you want nice fluffy times.

Love Sea: The show that features FortPeat (from LITA) as the main couple. It's adapted from a Mame novel so it has her usual tropes. I think it was overall liked.

The Trainee: The 2nd OffGun show we got this year. It was a great ride with a somewhat ok closure. Very nice way to learn about filming productions.

Two Worlds: Another show made by MaxNat, parallel dimensions, incurable sicknesses and gangsters. It was fun but also confusing. Had a bunch of nice parts.

I Saw You In My Dream: Small production with a bit of a supernatural plot. I haven't finished it yet but what I saw I liked.

The Hidden Moon: Another small production, that I think only one person I follow was posting about it. It has ghosts and supernatural stuff, and it seems to have been pretty great and emotional.

Monster Next Door: This show is a very traditional boys in uni type of show between an introvert and an extrovert. It gave us the pair BigPark who are now getting a second show.

Every You Every Me: Also finished recently it's a show that tells a lot of different love stories but with the same actors. Pretty interesting watch.

Other remarkable series from Japan

One room angel: A heartbreaking story of 2 people finding each other. An angel with no memories and a lowlife. It made us cry, and holds a special place in my heart. 🌟

I Became The Main Role in a BL: Cute, short and fun. Lots of pinning. The happy comedy version of At 25 in Akasaka

Perfect Propose: A cute show about an overworked salary man and his childhood friend who's crashing at his house. It was cute.

Cosmetic Playlover: The story between 2 make up artists and their rivalry turned love story. It had some nice moments, but isn't the best ever.

Takara's Treasure: This one also made the rounds on tumblr. Hiking, a social awkward junior in love with his cool senior. Cute overall, with some deep feelings as Japan knows how to do.

I Cannot Reach You/ Kimi ni wa Todokanai: A guy discovers his closest friend is in love with him and panics, but might also be ok with the idea. It was very cute and emotional. 🌟

Living with him: Two childhood friends who move in together to attend university. One has been in love since forever and the other is discovering feelings. Similar vibes to I Cannot Reach You. 🌟

Hidamari ga Kikoeru/I Hear the Sunspot: Had a solid start but kinda fell apart towards the end, sadly.

Other remarkable series from Korea

Sing My Crush: I haven't seen this yet, but I've seen it be praised over and over. Teens and music. It looks great. 🌟

Love Class s2: This one is not related to its first season, and it has a bunch of couples and a lot of iconic scenes. It is also pretty short.

Why R U Korea: I haven't seen this one yet either, and despite the low buget it seems it's pretty good.

They also have been doing a lot of reel format miniseries, and webseries like Blue Boys and Grey Shelter.

Other remarkable series from Taiwan

Kiseki: Dear to me: This was pretty talked about, the second couple ate.

First note of love: Cute, seen before faces making a comeback.

The on1y one: Made everyone insane. The ending was open, hoping for a second season. Some people were pissed.

Currently Airing

If you want a full schedule I recommend checking the website World of BL. Here are some of the series that are currently airing and that you probably have seen or will be seeing on your dash these days.

See Your Love (Taiwan) (cute and fluffy, pretty unserious)

Love in the air - Koi no Yokan (Japan) (it's a very nice remake and the second couple's story just started)

Caged Again (Thai) (they cuties of the month, animals that run human. We're having a blast)

Your Sky (Thai) (another pair of cuties, very fluff. Has a lot of people writing about it. Started recently)

The Heart Killers (Thai) (We are all OBSESSED. Do tune in, it's fun and silly. It's 10 Things I hate About You thai bl version, sort of)

Fourever You (Thai) (it has Earth and Bas)

Miseinen (Japan) (THE Japanese show right now. I am obsessed and we're all losing it every week)

Perfect 10 liners (Thai) (I don't even know why I'm watching but I'm watching, it's fun and lighthearted but will have too many episodes)

Spare Me Your Mercy (Thai) (Adapted from a Sammon novel, it's murder, euthanasia and gays. It just started and we're seated!)

Things that have happened since July 2023

I recommend checking the tag doreen's monthly bl breakdown where you will find, at the end of every post, the news of the month related to the BL industry. But here are some news I think are pertinent to recent days...

Big unforgettable stuff

The same sex marriage law passed in Thailand!

We're getting a second season of Pit Babe! And everyone is equaly curious and worried.

Minato's Laundromat Season 2 started as a very nice season until halfway through it went sideways because of an amnesia plot.

In a surprising turn of events Tul (from MaxTul who left for the US) and Mew (from TharnType) revealed they were dating and recently got engaged.

GMMTV actors stuff

JoongDunk (who I'm assuming you know of), our guys from Hidden Agenda (which was an ok show with some great scenes but a bit forgetable) have been getting a lot of traction are getting a lot of series. I am loving them in The Heart Killers.

There was a sudden transfer of most of the WabiSabi actors to GMMTV. BounPrem, Ohm and Sammy are there. GMMTV also took charge of some of their projects, like the vampire BounPrem one.

The couples in My Rommance Scammer are Ohm (form uwma) and Fluke (from My Ride), and JuniorMark (whothe side couple in Cherry Magic Th and are starring in Perfect 10 Liners.

Dangerous Romance looked promising but it got lost in itself and not even Chimon and Perth could save it. Unfortunately a disappointment. Also, Chimon is on leave for mental health issues, so now Perth is paired up with Santa (from My Only 12%). They're starring in Perfect 10 Liners (where Chimon was supposed to appear but not anymore) and have their own show for 2025: Love You Teacher.

The mains in GMMTV 2025 Head 2 Head, SeaKeen, debuted previously on Only Boo this year. And it was particularly well received, hence why they got a second show.

The main leads for Memoir of Rati are GreatInn who previously starred in Wandee Goodday. Solid start. Weak end. The highlight was the side couple with ThorFluke. Fluke is also starring in one of the stories of Mu Te Luv.

GeminiFourth, from MSP, did the Thai adaptation of My Love Mix Up Th but I think most of us dropped it halfway through.

Recently the show Kidnap ended, featuring Ohm with his new partner Leng. The show was silly and unserious but I think a lot of people dropped it. I didn't watch, but I think it had some success. They appear in GMMTV 2025's OF: Dream on and Mu Te Luv.

Singto is back in GMMtv and scheduled to have a show with Krist again called the Ex Morning.

P'New has made a bunch of show that were disappointing and for GMMTV he had made to ensemble shows: We Are and Perfect 10 Liners. Featuring a lot of couples. In We Are we had PondPhuwin, WinnySatang (from MSP, also have their own show in GMMTV2025), AouBoom, and MarcPoon. In Perfect 10 Liners we have BookForce, PerthSanta, JuniorMark and MarcPoon. Marc got paired up with Poon after the Pawin got accused of physical abuse.

We're still waiting on a lot of shows that were announce in GMMTV 2024's event, so I'm sure you can check the trailers of the ones that haven't been released yet. Or wait until we get the official trailers.

Domundi's stuff

Bed Friend was a success and we got the ship NetJames from it. Until James decided to pursue other things and Net is now with a new partner and they will appear in The Next Prince (the new ZeeNew show, with european royalty looks we're all looking forward to. Also Jimmy is back with a new partner too)

Middleman's Love and Battle of the Writers are 2 shows that starred TutorYim, who were a side couple in Cutie Pie. They've gotten pretty famous.

Other news

We were all hyped for the show Shadow, starring Singto and Fluke (from uwma). The first half was promising but iirc the second part was a little disappointing. I couldn't finish it due to Real Life interruptions.

Ohm (from uwma) starred in a show called Bake me Please, with Guide (who played a side character in I Feel You Linger in the Air) which was ok. In that show we also got to meet Poom, as the rejected second lead.

Poom was the main character of a show called My Stand In, paired with Up (from Lovely Writer) and they play the toxic love between a stunt man and a selfish rich guy.

Tunku Shower no longer exists, it became a different project. No we get our montly japanese bl throught different companies.

China dared to do Wuxia BL with Meet You At The Blossom.

Derived from the succes of Pit Babe, the side couple got they own show in This Love Doesn't Have Long Beans. It was okey.

Thailand did some more adaptations of other countries BL like Addicted Heroin Th. And a remake of Lovesick is still airing.

Ending remarks

If you made it until here, thank you for your patience. I had to do a lot of pick and chose, so I did not include any GL in this post. Just know that there is a lot of that going on too. There are a bunch of posts on tumblr with all the current and planned GLs, and I've reblogged some of them. If you're interested browse the tags #gl news or #gl stuff on my blog.

I think, despite everything, I managed to cover most of it. I'm sure there's some shows that I've missed and we might have different tastes on which shows are better or worse, so do check whatever chatches your fancy. My blurbs are very summarized so do check the pages on MDL or even the trailers if you're curious about them.

This is a lot on information so I hope it's not too overwhelming and it can help you get started on your journey back to BL .

Good luck! And enjoy!!

[behoright]

lightning on my skin l k. dach

there's nothing I can do / I just can't resist

summary: kirby + you + a house full of family members + an empty car...

wordcount: 3.2k

song: where would I be? - gwen stefani

warnings: 18+! smut sooo minors begone! unprotected sex, dirty talk and semi public sex. whoopsies. oh also cursing.

a/n: i'm sl*t for this man but no I will never admit it in public. enjoy.

𓇽 ⊹ ᨘ ִֶ໑𓇽 ⊹ ᨘ ִֶ໑𓇽 ⊹ ᨘ ִֶ໑𓇽 ⊹ ᨘ ִֶ໑

“You’re such a dumbass, Kirbs.”

“What? He was just being annoying so, I had to do it.”

The sounds of the crickets consorted your laughs as you and Kirby sat eating in his G Wagon, recently coming back from a lovely date at the nearby park. Despite being your second year of dating, this had been the first summer you had fully spent together. Staying at the Dach household had been an interesting but nonetheless exhilarating experience; you found out just how quickly chaos could ensue when Kirby and Colton were left to their own devices under the same roof. Proving that age was just a number, from day one it was plain and simple that they naturally retreated back to their little child selves, most of their interactions ending up with a playful physical altercation of some sort.

“You can’t tell me he wasn’t being entirely too cocky, Y/N.” he said with his mouth full of fries, his eyes widening over at you.

“He is your baby brother!” you exclaimed.

“Well, he’s no longer a baby. It’s a fair fight, that’s all I’m saying.” he chuckled.

Kirby hadn’t been this excited for a summer in a long time. 

Your internship now having wrapped up, he finally had the time to steal you and your newfound free time. He knew as soon as the season ended that he was going to keep you in his hometown all for himself. 

Seeing you interact with his family made Kirby’s heart flutter; cooking with his mom or ice skating with his dad and brother after their practice. 

You had met them before, but these were novel circumstances for the both of you. 

Any nerves he might have had swiftly vanished as you both settled in, making yourself at home in the most respectful way possible. 

He was able to forget about the stress of hockey and fitting your schedules together, and just revel in the normalcy of slowly waking up with you, knowing that you had virtually no strict plans for the day. 

“You guys are insane. These are full-on fights!” you laughed.

“You should have seen them when we were younger. They were actually much worse.”

“Oh, don’t worry. Your parents told me all about that.”

You naturally clicked with everyone in his family, so much so that his grandparents came fastly to meet you as well. It astounded him how you were able to pull everyone in so genuinely, leaving his introverted soul wrapped up in admiration. 

He was proud to have you with him. You completed each other nicely and in very practical ways.

“Oh god, please don’t remind me of all the embarrassing stories they brought up.” he blushed.

“Why? You really don’t want to talk about that little bath stor-”

“No, no! I’m changing topics! I’m pulling that card out!” he exclaimed.

“Alright, alright.” you laughed, throwing your head back against the headrest. As much as he was blushing, you could see him hiding a smile underneath it all. 

However, his house perpetually rustling came with its downsides. He enjoyed it most of the time, however, he missed the privacy of your shared apartment back in Montreal. 

When he watched you walk around his family home every morning his mind couldn’t help but flash back to seeing you strut around naked, getting your coffee ready, all from the comfort of his messed up bed, underwear, and clothes scattered on the ground from the night before. 

He missed that. A lot.

It was hard to have some alone time knowing his family members were around you both constantly. 

The last thing he wanted to do is make anyone uncomfortable. Not when there were literal months left in the summer.

So, Kirby decided to get creative. 

Much to his surprise, it ended up sparking a newfound love for public affection, in more ways than one, for the both of you, which just pushed him to explore more. 

Your first date of the summer that started with a picnic at the lake, and lovingly ended with you both hiding behind some trees for a while. The feeling of getting caught rushed through you equally as you consummated your love truly in public for the first time. 

So you unconsciously kept it going for most of the summer, looking for new places every day to spend time at. 

“You know, you’re bad for making me eat this.” he snickered at you.

“Oh, c’mon, tell me you don’t miss eating this junk during the season.”

“I do, I do.” he said, wiping his hands clean. “You know what I miss more though?”

“Mmm?” you asked, piling all the trash together.

“You.”

You turned your head up to find Kirby staring at you, his signature smirk peering over at you. 

“You’re so sweet.” 

“I mean it.” Kirby took his fingers to move to your hair behind your ear, gazing over your features. “I just wish I had a little more time with you every day.”

“Hey, we still make it work pretty well, right?”

“We do.” Kirby’s fingers lingered on you, now cupping your cheek. “I’m still going to enjoy this summer. As much as I can. I’m not letting you out of my sight, baby.”

His eyes trailed down to your mouth before he closed the gap between you two. 

The kiss was smoldering, both of your intentions clear as your brought each other closer despite the console dividing you.

“Kirby…”

“Baby..?” he said, his lips grazing against yours.

“Mm… here?” you asked.

“Mmhm.” Kirby answered in between kisses. “The back windows are tinted anyways.”

You turned your face to tentatively look at your surroundings, Kirby’s hands beginning to mess up your clothes already, his fingertips at your exposed bra strap. The parking lot was mostly empty, all families in their homes as the sun began to set. 

“You sure?”

“I’ve never been more sure about anything before.” Kirby said, his eyes dumbfoundedly fixated on your cleavage. 

“About doing it here, dingbat.” you snapped him back to reality, playfully hitting his arm.

“It’s more private than the park...” he said, smirking again. “...and the lake, and the rink, and the boat, or the mal-”

“Okay, okay.” you laughed, rolling your eyes. 

“C’mon, baby.” Kirby winked as he stepped outside while you moved in giddiness to the backseat over the middle console. 

You came face to face as he quickly shut the door behind him, your hot breaths colliding as he began to crawl above you, sending your back to lay against the warm leather of the seats. 

“Hi, beautiful.” he said, a smile appearing on his face.

“You’re quite the charmer for someone who’s about to take me in the back of his car.” you uttered, eyes focused on his lips, inching closer to you.

“...take you?” he asked, millimeters away from you. “I’m not going to take you, baby. I’m going to fuck you.”

Kirby wasted no time and aggressively sent his tongue inside your mouth, his pelvis already rubbing against your jean shorts. 

The walk in the park had been nice, but it had left you both a little heated and damp, in every way imaginable.

“That’s the Kirby I know.” you moaned, his tongue now trailing behind your ear and neck. “Always so hot and heavy.”

“Hey, I can be sweet.” he uttered defensively against your skin. “You want me to make love to you?” 

His head snapped up as he asked you, his questioning and piercing eyes looking for an answer in yours.

“Fuck no. I like you hot and heavy.” you said, bringing his face back onto yours, chuckling into the kiss.

He adorably kept giggling as he planted loud and silly kisses on your chin, moving down your chest and further lowering himself down the axis of your body. 

He had a tough exterior at times, but Kirby was playful at heart, and he didn’t leave that outside of the bedroom either. You found yourselves laughing and joking during your sexual escapades quite often actually, and it fulfilled you in the most endearing of ways.

“You’re smoking hot, babe.” he uttered against your belly.

“It is pretty hot outside.” you said, sitting up on your elbows. 

“Oh, you’re funny.” he laughed, sitting up as he began to undo the button of your shorts. “You know that’s not what I meant.”

“And you know I don’t know how to take compliments. Not even yours.” you lifted your hips up, Kirby ripping your bottoms off of you. 

“Well, let me tell you a different way then.” he smirked.

“Kirby Dach, you are the cheesi-.”

You were hastily interrupted, Kirby licking up your pussy vigorously before bringing your hips all the way up to latch his mouth against your heaving sex. Forthwith, the sensation took you back to the countless nights your boyfriend had spent buried in your pussy, relentlessly getting you to the point of having to pull him off of you before your legs twitched hard enough to accidentally hurt him. 

The truth was that time stopped for Kirby whenever he lowered his face in between your thighs. He loved to get his jaw wet with spit and juices; even more, he loved grinding against the mattress for hours, sending tingles up his spine every time. Knowingly playing an edging game with his body, and your own at the same time, taking you both closer to the edge with controlled and precise force.

Despite not having enough space in his beloved G-Wagon for you both to lay down, he wasn’t going to skimp out. Bringing you all the way up to him was a risky move, but he wasn’t up for much thinking when he had you so bothered underneath him like this. 

He held your body securely, his biceps flexing around your ass and hips. As his tongue lapped in circles, he couldn’t help but trail up your body with his gaze. The nature of your position allowed for your shirt to bunch up, showing the softness of your stomach that he adored so much. However, seeing your breasts up to your chin, flushed just as much as your cheeks were, your face overcome by pleasure, had him gripping your hips extra tightly.

“God, baby.” he whispered against you, covering your skin in goosebumps. “You’re going to make me bust.”

“Fuck me, Kirby.”

He dropped your hips immediately, letting it hurt as he unzipped his pants, his erection serendipitously springing onto you. 

“I love you so much, baby, that was so good, but I-, I simply can’t wait.” you pleaded.

“I love you more baby; a couple more seconds of you wriggling like that in my arms and I wouldn't have been able to wait either.” he answered, removing as much clothing as possible.

Kirby was hot and heavy in every sense of the word. And it felt so good as it slapped your pussy whenever he pulled himself free of his clothes. 

“God, take a look at that.” he growled.

He set his blue eyes on the tip of his cock, parting your folds, glistening with his saliva and precum. The sun was lowering itself beautifully on the other side of the park, its rays peeking through the trees and his seats to create shimmering windows of light on your bodies. He felt the ridges of his member dampen as he kept plunging himself back and forth on top of you. He could feel the lust of his heartbeat in every single one of his veins and quickly into yours as he slowly dipped his cock inside you with a groan. 

You were mostly sure he had never realized it, but Kirby loved to push the tip of his dick inside you first and pause, just for a handful of seconds. 

Inadvertently, filling your cunt up with his body was one of his most cherished parts of fucking. 

There was something about the overwhelming feeling that took over his entire being when he felt your walls surround him concretely, soaking himself in all the gushy desire that had been building up inside you. 

He felt as if you had been waiting for him, and he loved to feel responsible for absorbing the aching that resided inside you as he bottomed himself out. 

Continuously, Kirby never took his eyes off you when he first thrust; the first time you had sex, he had to immediately take a break, the look on your face almost sending him over the edge completely. 

The sigh. 

The way your eyes rolled back. 

And he could always hear your vocal cords contract in the back of your throat in the slightest moan, but never strong enough to let it out.

It was almost inaudible, but it was there, and it drove him mad.

He loved being the only man that got to see you like this.

And you loved being the only one that got to notice the ritualistic thinking in your boyfriend, without fail.

His legs trembled as his pelvis came flush with your legs, pushing himself all the way inside you after feeling you clench once around the ridge of his head. 

Right underneath it, squeezing around him so deliciously as a signal for more. 

As soon as he saw that lovely look on you he was quick to throw your legs on his shoulders before he began thrusting steadily inside you. 

He tried to resist himself every time, and his efforts were never futile, but you knew they never lasted long. 

The more you showed your pleasure, the more he lost it. 

Kirby liked it deep and fast, and you were never one to complain about it. 

He let his head lull forward as he anchored a rhythm in his thrusts, his eyes squeezing shut in pleasure. 

“Oh, Kirby.” you moaned. “That feels so good, baby.”

He didn’t dare to look, feeling your hips begin to tilt forward already as you arched your back in the delight of his shoving inside you.

His brain went offline completely, letting all of the muscles in his face relax entirely, preoccupied only with the movement of his cock. 

“Keep talking, baby.” he uttered, almost whispering. “You sound like a fucking angel.”

The tremble in his deep voice was crystal clear, the knuckles of his fingers turning white as he gripped onto the flesh of your thighs. 

“I thought I was going to lose it today, babe. I wanted you so fucking bad.” you moaned, the leather quietly creaking as you angled yourself closer to him again. 

Kirby’s chest began to rumble, attempting to hold his moaning back as he stayed transfixed in the physical sensation of your bodies uniting. 

You could see him begin to sweat, flushing deeper every time he pulled out of you with a low, tight-lipped groan; a droplet lovingly trickled down the long hair strands that hung in front of his face before falling on your stomach. Every time they dripped onto you, it felt like you could hear a sizzle, your skin enveloped in lust as it flinched back with every single thrust.

It was nearly lovable how much he tried to control himself, always to no avail, but you could tell today, through your half-open eyes, that it wasn’t going to last long.

The reality was that the more he focused on the physical sensation, the hotter he got. 

The more relaxed you felt his whole body, the harder he became inside you, growing against your most sensitive spots. 

Quite curiously, the slowly blinking of his eyes open happened to come at the time your head fully tilted back, a glorious arch in your figure as your eyes fluttered closed. The muscles of his belly tensed at the coiling that he felt growing inside him, the only thing that was now softening being his jaw as he opened his mouth at the reverie of the woman reaching a  climax in front of him and underneath his touch.

“Oh fuck, like that, baby?” he asked, speeding up his movements just enough to let his skin stickily slap against you. 

“M-,m-,m-.”

Unfortunately for you, speaking was never your forte as you reached your edge. 

Fortunately for Kirby, it made him so horny he involuntarily hunched over, his body spasming as he swore he could see your pupils at the back of your head underneath your fluttering eyelids. 

He took the hint to increase his pace, slowly but surely, your shoulders trembling all the way down to your hips. His rough pubic bone came in contact with you, rubbing against your clit and exquisitely sending you over the edge. 

Your system went haywire as you came, sweet moans filling up the steamy car as you shook in pleasure underneath and around him, scratching his beloved leather seats. 

Any attempt to moan his name was inefficacious, but the effort was noticed by your boyfriend who pushed your convulsing legs further down, coming close to your face.

He had officially lost it, now dedicating himself to keeping you in this state as long as possible.

Kirby was able to somehow plant his feet against some steady surfaces of his luxury car, having the fresh ability to speed up, his eyes still stuck on your delirious elation that wouldn’t concede.

“Fuck, baby, you look so fucking good like this.” he moaned.

His muscular thighs tensed as he pounded into you, your cunt now gushing liquid all around him; you could only turn your head around as you sharply inhaled, letting the glee send sparks throughout your nervous system, your body moving on its own. 

It was so much that you both failed to feel the car shake with the power of his thrusts as he recognized the familiar creeping sensation begin to move inside him, his orgasm not far behind yours.

“This is-, this is-, fuck, baby, I can’t hold back.” he groaned, letting his forehead fall next to your head, his wet hair seeping sweat into yours. 

Finally, you managed the find the strength to move your fingers to the back of his neck, holding onto his hair for dear life as you began to descend back to earth.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck.”

Kirby came loudly as he let himself go, shooting his hot and milky seed inside you with deep thrusts; roaring, he was noisy enough to be heard outside of the vehicle, but neither of you cared as he stayed inside you, flesh to flesh, his cock still twitching and painting your insides white. 

“Oh my fucking god, Y/N.” he said with his head still down before placing a kiss on your shoulder.

“I could say the same thing to you.” you laughed, smart enough to reach slightly above you and open the passenger door only a crack. 

The evening, fresh air barged its way into the stuffy car, the fog on the windows starting to disappear slowly. The change in temperature made Kirby snap up, deeply inhaling almost unknowingly before finding you.

“Good?” you asked, Kirby’s favorite smile looking right at him.

“Better than good.” he coaxed. “You’re a dream, Y/N.”

“You’re not so bad yourself, Dach.” you chuckled, an adoring kiss planted on your forehead.

“I love you.” he whispered into your skin.

“I love you.” you answered just as lovingly.

....

“Where do you want to go tomorrow, baby?”

[offorestsongs]

heart-shaped locket

ship: oc x canon (Rook x Lysander)

summary: Lysander, anxious about their imminent separation, has an idea.

a/n: so. uh. this is something i briefly mentioned in their ship intro but i wanted to kind of expand on it so i wrote a small ficlet. enjoy, i guess

“Whatever’s the matter, mon coeur? You look uncharacteristically serious.”

Most people would have called Lysander serious, no matter the situation ― it was sweet that Rook could tell the difference between his usual lack of expression and an actual grave matter. It only made Lysander’s heart felt heavier.

“Oh― I―” Lysander was sure in his ideas when inviting Rook over, but now, seated on the old couch in the Ramshackle lounge, so close that their knees were touching, all the earlier confidence seemed to have fled his body.

He felt Rook’s hand on his cheek, warm and secure. He leaned into the familiar touch, more on instinct than anything else, but still refused to meet Rook's gaze.

“I so always want to hear what you have in mind.” Rook smiled. “So?”

Well. In that case, Lysander had no other choice. And besides, he knew well all of his doubts were unfounded. If anyone would like the idea, it was Rook.

“It's nothing bad or anything—” Lysander said, digging around in the pockets of his thick woolen cardigan. “It's just that… The summer holidays are almost here. And then you'll go on your internship afterwards and I'll stay here and…”

Finally, somewhere between a stray embroidery needle, some loose change, a button that he was meant to sew back to one of his blouses for forever and a crumpled note that Ace had passed him during class (a stickman drawing of Deuce half asleep on his desk), Lysander had fished out the exact thing that he was looking for.

“I just thought it would be nice to have something more, uh, physical to remember each other.”

On Lysander’s open, outstretched palm lay two identical heart-shaped necklaces. They were plain, silver in color, and clearly not bought first hand. Time had dulled the color, making it lose its shine. It was all Lysander could afford, yes, but truth be told, he liked the vintage, time-bitten aesthetic of it better. More romantic, he thought.

Rook had picked one of them up, already clearly delighted.

“Ah!” With a soft “click”, the heart locket popped open. “Now we can carry photographs of each other close to our chests. Marvellous! What a romantic idea, mon fleur!”

Lysander’s cheeks flushed pink. “Uh. Well. I mean. You can do that too if you want to but, uh, actually I had something different in mind.”

Suddenly, the dirty-gray fabric of the couch was the most interesting thing in the world to look at.

“Now you have me intrigued.”

Still not looking at Rook, from his other pocket Lysander took out his belowed pair of sewing scissors. They felt cold and heavy in his hand.

“I actually thought we could put there, uh, you know, our hair. I thought it would be sweet, to carry a part of you over my heart, no matter where I go. And… and to think that you're doing the same. That way, it's almost like we're not separated at all.”

Before Lysander ever had a chance to felt embarrassed by his words, Rook's lips were on his, kissing him breathless.

“Yes!” Rook said with all the enthusiasm only he could master. “Truly a beautiful idea, mon cheri! You really must share a part of my heart, to think of such things.”

Lysander smiled faintly. His heart was still beating like it was trying to escape his ribcage, but a sense of giddy happiness came over him. Of course his anxiety was all for nothing.

He put the scissors in Rook's hands. “Well then… you could cut mine and I could cut yours?”

[kcalsforhim]

˖⋆࿐໋ sunday 8th of december

⋆˙⟡

today i woke up nice and comfortable in my bed,, i had been tossing and turning all night long kinda sleeping weirdly... so when i woke up this morning i decided to go downstairs and have breakfast.. psst.. i didnt have the best food day, but my weekends are always my worst food days so im not even going to hate myself anymore atp

breakfast : 4 chevape, a dot of mustard, a small babybowl of pumpkin soup, and 1 lotus cookie.

cals : 177

this time i had my breakfast actually warm.. the soup was nice and rich and creamy, it had just the right flavours and i like this way more than i did the soup out of the pack i had last month during soup diet week (which failed LMFAO). happy with my accomplishment of one lotus.. then my 4 chevape was good, there were only 4 left which meant i really couldnt overfill my plate either way

then i went back upstairs after i had this, it was good and it actually left me feeling ok. when i got myself ready to go to work i brought the lunch my mom packed with me.

lunch : a serving of pumpkin soup , chicken in one container, and in the other container some chicken and pasta. both of these portions were also satisfyingly small

cals : 321

the soup was lovely as i had described earlier, the chicken in the container came out of a pot of like.. chorba my parents were having today that i will not eat even if my life depended on it lmfaoooo. the chicken was okay, it was the only thing that was warm hahaha

then the pasta and chicken in the second container were better, i liked that it was slightly spicy ? i didnt have those.. green circle vegetables.. i dont like the texture of that thing so i threw it away

drinks : monster zero sugar ultra rosa, hot chocolate, but i only let the machine dispense 20% of the milk

cals : 52

mark gave me that monster, i chose the hot chocolate of my own accord... i watched as the milk from our coffee machine pooled down near the drain... i actually gave mark a hot chocolate but with the milk since he doesnt care, and there was a very visible difference.. what i drank was essentially water and chocolate powder, with basically a splash of milk.

work was going fine until one person just... idk threw me off and ruined my entire day ? basically i was ready to crash out at annnny second. the more the minutes ticked by, the more stressed and overwhelmed i was getting. i was actually reflecting how ive been thinking of quitting my job for a whiiile now, but since ill be going to a 40hrs a week internship, i need my weekend rest before i explode. so after my shift ended i wrote my manager a note and stuck it on the POS screen

"sorry i forgot to count the flowers... also, ill be dropping by tommorow, ill only have 5 minutes of your time" ... and well yeah tommorow im putting in my 2 weeks notice. or however.. whatvever. im quitting my job lol. went home after this crying LMFAO im so stressed

dinner : 1 tortilla thing, its very thin, a small layer of cream cheese, ketchup, 2 salami slices, that in a tosti toaster thing. then 1 apple, and some honey... idk what the chunks are probably some kind of nuts...

cals : 334

the original plan was to come home and eat 6 packs of kinder bueno making 12 kinder bueno's in total.. however i decided to ask my mom to make me something instead. she was very considerate of how i eat and my portioning, and we came up with something healthy and nourishing that would make me feel better rather than me being an idiot and binging on lots and lots of chocolate.. i did infact feel better and i know this was not needed, i couldve gone to bed, but this happens all the time after work and i just need to accept that my job like, actually stresses me out after close to the point where it makes me cry and makes me want to binge. the portion is kind of big but.. it couldve been worse. idk. tommorow im omad'ing

total steps : 6.3 k total cals : 884

i found this song while posting on my insta about my oc's and i needed a song to go with it... this is so cute !!! and so catchy, i love it ~

⋆˙⟡

[newathens]

hiiii hope ur doing alright I’m so sorry if this is too personal but I was wondering what u meant by “so many opportunities to be the person i always wanted to be are no longer at my disposal” ? I’m just entering my 20’s and idk what to watch out for, what to take advantage of and what to develop & invest time and energy into? Thank you so much & feel free to ignore this ofc hope u have a lovely year!

firstly I’d say im not the best person to ask because im just a nightmare negative nelly debbie downer no good fiend but mostly what i was referring to in that statement was my own personal mental illness situation. its very hard to describe but now that my brain i guess is “healthy” i look back at myself, probably from the ages of 16-24, and i realized that i wasn’t a person. i wasn’t operating with a healthy mind, i mean I’d say i wasn’t even operating with a mind. i was some strange zombie that would get up and go to class and then go to work and nothing else and i KNOW i say that now as a regular person who works but its different. it’s almost like i had no bodily autonomy in my own self. And i mean i DID things in college sure but if i had the mind that i have now back then, i think my life would currently look ten times different. And now i feel like there’s no way to fix it. At least, not a way that i can logically create. That statement is just specific to my situation

it’s hard to suggest things when everyone’s situation is so unique. ik you’re young and entering an even crazier world than i did ten years ago. honestly, my advice, is try a ton of new things, get away from your phone, listen to some of financial freedom gurus cause they have a point every now and then (roth ira, hysa, etc etc) but not always. if you’re in college, find internships & make connections. and if you feel you’re not good at socializing, work on it until you are. its so important, it’s the one thing i wish someone had told me. it’s so so important to have connections and be a networker and it sucks that that is the way the system is set up but go for it as much as you possibly can. um if you are mentally ill like me, go to therapy as soon as possible if your budget allows. and i don’t even mean in a “you have to heal your mental illness immediately & be ur best u” way. therapy just takes a lot of time and the sooner ur start the better. it’s nice to play the game of life with a fuller deck of cards. get rid of shame, haha teehee, im not kidding. and if you can’t just ignore the fact that its there even if it makes u want to hurl. and u can apply that to a lot really. going to the gym or starting a dance class or going to a cafe or eating alone. do u know when i was in college everybody was scared of eating alone and i wasn’t. granted i feel i am revolting and try to keep away from others so that’s why i had no trouble, but still. i could never understand why ppl were worried abt eating alone. focus on the fries! talk to ppl in your head! no shame! there’s no reason to have your life figured out, but im not going to say what other people say and tell you you have all the time in world. ignore the world for a second actually. figure out YOU and your interests and what YOU dream about and again try new things so you have a better understanding of YOU and then you can mold the world around you to better suit what you believe will give u the greatest joy & the best situation. because if you know you then all the choices become a lot less scary & half of them disappear altogether bc they become irrelevant! that’s all i can think of for now. im sorry if it doesn’t make sense.

[cartooncartoonpanic]

#004 On the brink

(CW: Medical trauma, mentions of child test subjects and amputations)

You ask Blossom if she's still a superhero, and this, at least, she seems excited to talk about.

"Well...crime's kind of slowed down in the past few years. Obviously we haven't been fighting you. Mojo got taken to a facility outside of the city I think. Him got kind of bored since we aren't as scared anymore-"

"Yeah, too bored to be a parent" You interrupt, understandably bitter that the man who brought you back to life never checked up on you in the past few years.

"I'm sorry-"

"Don't... You don't have to apologize for what HE did. Keep going. "

"Well...I think Sedusa got a modelling contract or something? Someone in the Gangreen gang joined a popular band I think and they all went for a tour, Fuzzy invested in some ear plugs and doesn't really care about what goes on in Townsville, and the Ameboa boys...well they're still at it I guess. So yeah...we don't really go out as a team anymore like that" That last part did sound a bit sad.

"That's really all the big criminals in Townsville?" You could have sworn there was another one who he had met before

"Oh right, Princess...that's an entire situation" She whispered and tried to hint with her eyes at someone else in the room.

"She's not a criminal anymore but...she's still sort of our enemy. Or at least making Bubbles' life harder..." Sure enough a girl in a suit with gold trim and a crown hair clip was looking at both of you. Was that Princess? Did she know you were talking about her?

"Do you do any fighting?" You change the subject back, agreeing that it's probably for the best not to get into any drama.

"To be honest...I'm kind of a soloist these days. I don't know if thats the term...but Bubbles has her veterenarian internship and Buttercup has a pretty intense training schedule so usually I'm the one who takes on any new villains who pop up. Aside from this mech robot guy though, most of them don't come back. The process is a bit different though. Since its just me most of the time, I wear a costume and use a cool nickname. It's a secret though" She seemed to be having a lot of fun.

You wonder briefly, if you were a hero with a secret identity, and did all of the things that the girls did, would people praise you? Give you the benefit of the doubt? Stop treating you like a dangerous criminal? Was it possible for you, of all people, to be good? But you don't vocalize these thoughts. Especially not to her. And definitely not now of all times.

You ask Blossom if she knows anybody else here, aside from the obvious she and her siblings, you and your siblings, and princess.

"Hmmm...I think so. Some of them I only know from tv but if you mean personally...The guy with the striped shirt is one of Buttercups workout partners...I remember his name also starts with a B but I don't know what it is. And then that guy with the white hair is Edd.

Apparently his two best friends are named that too. I know, confusing... They seem exhausting to be around when they're all together but Edd's pretty nice when it's just us. We were in chess club together. The girl with the ballet shoes the really tall blonde one, her name is Deedee, and she was a big fan of my sisters and I when she was younger so we got asked to come to her birthday party as special guests and our parents got along enough that we went over to their house pretty often. And then there's her brother~" She dreamily sighed before covering her mouth, embarassed.

So she had a crush. For some reason the thought bothered you a lot. Maybe it was because you wished she spoke about you that way. Maybe it's because the fact that she's able to be comfortable enough with someone to fall in love is more proof that she got to live a happy normal life, while you didn't. Is there anything that's fair?

"I wonder why all of these people are here though. Do you know any of them?"

You look around. Aside from the obvious of the powerpuff girls, your own brothers, and princess, nobody seems like someone you've seen before. Except...there's a guy with black hair in what seems to be goggles and a cape. Even among villains people would think this guy is trying to hard and this is coming from the kid of a monkey who wore a turban. You could have sworn you recognized that face. you don't remember where you saw him, but just looking at him makes you tense.

Wait. He recognizes you too.

And he's coming towards you.

A flood of memories come back to you and leave you paralyzed at the same time. The sterile white walls. The injections. The blood samples. The sedatives.

The invasive examinations. The terrifying people in lab coats. The repeated talk about how this is all you would be good for.

The amputation.

YOU'RE CERTAIN THIS IS THE MAN WHO RUINED YOUR LIFE

Your panic becomes rage as everything around you tunes out. There is no hotel dining room. There are no other people. It's you and the evil scientist. He's speaking but you can barely hear him over everything racing through your head. Even now he doesn't have a sense of boundaries. He seems to be trying to pull your jacket off of your body, saying something about not believing they went through with it. At first you dont know what he's doing until he grabs your arm. Or rather...your metal prosthetic arm.

[toasteloo]

so i have been doing internship for.. a month! and i've been commuting with the local commuter train for an entire month, lets talk about it! because im bored (im procrastinating)

and also i dont want to use twitter to ramble now because im slowly moving away from it

the only line i use is the bogor red line that belongs to the jakarta metropolitan area (jabodetabek) commuter line

the cool thing about this commuter line is they only use ex-jr trains so you can experience japan from the 80s with this line!

this is the common trainset you will see on all lines, including the red line

jr205s! you can see this pretty much everywhere with over 700+ unit of it thats still running around, the trains that we have here are manufactured around 1986 to 1991 (you can tell by the train codes on the lower side of each trains)

there are some differences between the older and newer one notably the door window is much larger on the later model, but the ride quality is not any different and some of the newer trains has different kind of pantograph but i do not know whats the difference is between the two

(notice how the windows on the door has different size, left is the older one and right is the newer one)

the only thing i hate about the 205s is the weird ac positioning, the central ac position only exist near the doors and the other ac is on the side and it also only exist in the middle of the train, and also its weaker so it gets a bit warm very quickly during rush hour

these trains are very reliable and nothing goes wrong, its comfortable and its just fine, there are also a marchen variant of 205s

(not my photobtw)

nothing really different with the regular 205s but they are cool

next up, it's tokyo metro 6000 & 7000!

(also not my photos, i dont took many tm7000/6000 photos)

these are by far my favourite train in the line, it look very modern and overall very sick and the interior is also pretty sick too

the tm6000s are some of the oldest trains thats still in operation in the line going back as far as 1971, despite that, it's still very comfortable, although the interior is slightly yellowed i honestly kinda like it, give that retro feel and whatnot

there are no major downsides for this train based on my experience except the fact that the door usually has to be closed multiple times idk whats up with that

the best thing about tm6000s is that the ac is everywhere regardless of where you are so it is the coldest train in the line, its very nice during rush hour but when its empty it feels like you are in the arctic, freezing away..

there are multiple variant, by multiple i meant only two, the 6000 and 7000, the difference? idk that little window on the front, other than that i couldnt tell

same with the 205s some later model of tm6000/7000 has larger windows and a little screen on top of the door, but nothing really changes in term of ride quality its as comfortable a commuter train can be

now we are getting to the rare trains, first up jr203!

one of the two trains that has a door in the front

as far as i know, 8 sets are remaining for this train as they are slowly retired from the service which is kind of a shame because they look really cool

despite looking really cool this train has a very mediocre ride quality for me, like its fine but holy shit it gets hot, i havent really observed too much as to why its so hot because i only ride on this train twice

one of the most distinct feature of this train is the windows also have vertical bar, why? not sure! but they look interesting thats for sure

overall? its a unique experience because its a rare train but its not very comfortable especially during rush hours

now the most rare train in the entire jakarta metropolitan area commuter line

tokyu 8500!

you want to see rare train in the line? then here you go (also sorry for the blurry photos lol)

this train only has, one (1) set remaining that is still on operation, despite looking very old this train is newer than the entire tm6000 trains with this one is made at 1989

one of the thing that stands out than the rest is how different the interior is compared to the other, instead of plastic trims the interior is mostly dominated with steel bars, no plastic to be seen and also the other thing that stands out is the WIDE gangway

there used to be other set that has a diesel generator for its electricity but unfortunately that train is retired just months before i have internship, kinda unfortunate but oh well

i should mention with the last two trains being retired they are soon getting replaced as soon as 2025 by locally made inka trains and chinese crrc trains

this one is the locally made one, kinda cool imo

the reason why i wrote all of this? idk its just my observation on the trains that exist in the line and i feel like i need to write these down, is anyone gonna read all of this? hell no

that concludes my rambling or yapping about trains that is very long and it took me 2 days to write all of this and i should stop doing this my deadline is looking at me and it looks like its about to kill me

[koreanpepamadrigal]

hi y'all! happy opening 🎉 as a housewarming gift, i (yun, 20+, s/h) bring what the cat dragged in: miss KYUNG SEOYOUNG, your friendly neighbour grad student ta who you see more than the actual professor.

more under the cut, with both ims & discord available for plotting upon request! like this 4 plotting, and i'll come say hi! ♡

pre-sua: much like her parents, she stays unregistered. they're living a nice cushy life parading as humans, and they want the same for seoyoung. tell her to keep her mutation a secret, and she'll do fine.

and yk what, they're right! she's living the life! gets into her dream university after she graduates from high school, and even manages to date a nice guy!

and well…. attitudes towards mutants are changing. she lets him in on her little m-word secret, and everything's peachy keen- till she gets an internship and he doesn't.

that's when he lets slip to their school that she's a big bad. she's kicked out of the university, the government's on her ass, and it's on top of the news cycle for a week.

she spins it as best as she can; a dumb, silly girl who was of course getting around to registering when questioned by the relevant authorities--- it's not her fault she found out during finals season! there's interest in the case, and she capitalises off it in hopes the attention will mean lesser repercussions. she's just a girl who wanted to live a quiet normal life like everyone else, ok? :(

girlbossed, gaslit and gatekept (from university)

goes to show that dating men is probably the worst thing you can do to yourself

'lying is ok if it gets you what you want' - seoyoung, probably

anyway, sua opens its doors shortly after, and she gets back on track! she's more than happy to take the patch rash in exchange for a degree, thanks.

currently, she's pursuing a phd in one of sua's labs and regretting it... she's determined to stick it out, though, simply out of spite. her advisor may be the worst person to walk the face of the earth, but seoyoung's absolutely not giving her the satisfaction of quitting

for plotting's sake, i'll keep the classes she tas for pretty vague-- if they take a science class/lab, let's gaurrr. staff shortages also have her covering for unrelated classes, so it's really a toss-up re: whether she actually knows the content or not.

if u've read this far... send me a welcome msg w/ a science class ur muse would take and we can figure it out from there... i'll even throw in a funny seoyoung-esque email reply... ooo u wanna message me so bad 🌀🌀🌀

emails students back at 5am. uses emojis and thinks ‘😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭❓❓❓❓❓’ constitutes a proper reply. has fucky signoffs- if you ask her a dumb question, expect a: Why?, Kyung Seoyoung

serious serious ‘Sent from my iPhone’ energy

please don’t talk to her, she has no self control and will talk to you for 4h instead of getting work done.

is also a ra at yellow hall. if it comes down to the resident vs her free housing? she's picking the housing every time. doesn't care that much, though. just don't fuck around during her rounds and she'll close an eye to whatever.

takes weather-related requests and charges an arm and leg for it. if you want your first date to be sunny, be prepared to cough up for it per hour.

always tired, but also always awake.

will never miss an offer to drink and bitch about her advisor, and is quite possibly landsliding towards alcoholism.

connection ideas: late 20s and up squad... / undergrads who love her as a ta / undergrads who hate her as a ta / yellow hall residents / someone who pissed her off and is now being rained on 24/7 / someone who really wants x weather but isn't willing to/can't cough up the $$ to make it happen... they WILL be bothering her for it tho!

[emilou-keen-gear]

            One beak yawned and then a second followed. It was past the witching hour when even things that went bump in the night were starting to nod off. The night was waning toward the early hours of the morning but still hours away until the sun would come out. Most of the citizens of Duckburg were nestled snug in their beds, and only those who worked the night shift were up and about. Oh, and two dedicated scientists who had been working on their newest pet project for their employee, Scrooge McDuck. Time wasn’t of the essence, but they had hit their stride around one AM and they weren’t back down until one of them collapsed.

            But their determination still wasn’t beyond the temptation of the body.

            “Intern, I’m going out for an espresso,” Gyro called, his face the usual grumpy-slash-sardonic expression.

            Fenton rubbed his eyes. “Are you sure you don’t want me to get it for you?” Fenton asked. He was used to being Gyro’s errand-boy, so he was curious as to why his boss and advisor decided to fore-go his exclusive uses of a none-paid intern. Plus, sometimes Gyro bought Fenton coffee as well.

            “No. My doctor says that I need ‘fresh air’ and ‘exercise’,” Gyro said with a laborious eye-roll. “Apparently walking to and from my car doesn’t constitute this.”

            “Okay. Could you get me one, too?” Fenton asked. The coffee maker that Mr. McDuck kept in the employee’s lounge a few floors up always had the consistency of mud and tasted very similar no matter how often the filter was cleaned or how expensive of beans were used. And it would be a miracle if Mr. McDuck ever deigned to replace it.

            “What do I look like? A money tree?” Gyro asked, stepping onto the elevator. “Lil Bulb is in charge.” The elevator doors closed on him with a cheerful ding.

            Fenton sighed. It had been a nice try. It would have been nice to have a good cup of coffee once in a while, but until his internship was over, he was making squat. He relied on his mother for room, board and all the necessities, so he never asked for spending cash. And on top of that, his student loans were looming over his head. Luckily the bank was willing to hold off on any payments since employment with McDuck Industries would be an exceptional place to live.

            Lil Bulb clambered onto Fenton’s desk, flashing red while his filament bent down in an angry look. The device pointed its little “hand” at its “face” then at Fenton, then back at itself. A clear indication of I’m watching you.

            Fenton ignored the little invention. He had better things to do other than be bossed around by an artificial intelligent. For now, he was trying to figure out why oil kept leaking from the engine that he was working on. The engine was to be used on a new type of submarine that Scrooge McDuck wanted, but there still were a few problems that needed to be fixed.

            Just as Fenton decided the whole engine needed to be taken apart—again—and he began removing a nut, the wrench in his hands slipped and he fell on top of the engine.

            “Ah, nuts,” he grumbled as he felt the slick, wetness spread on his shirt.

            When he pushed himself off the machine, he saw the large blot across his shirt, soaking into his feathers. He knew that working in a lab could be dirty business, and normally he would wear a lab coat, but he had forgotten to put one on in his haste when he clocked in. And this wasn’t the first time. This was his fourth work shirt to get oil on it this week, and he was running out. Not to mention, oil was really hard to get out—as his mother kept telling him—so he might have to buy some more soon.

            Sitting down next to the engine, Fenton tilted his head back and rested his eyes a little, trying to ignore the grease that was in his feathers, between his fingers and who knows where else on his body. He remembered he had rubbed his eyes earlier when he was beginning to feel tired. Did he have two black marks around his eyes?

            Perhaps it was time for him to quit for the day—er—night. At least it was Friday, which meant he could sleep all day tomorrow. Well, not all day. He would have to help Mama around the house, but between Saturday and Sunday, he could catch up on his rest and on the household chores.

            Getting up, Fenton went to the sink that was located on the far side of the large, clear windows that looked out into the ocean. The very basement of the McDuck Lighthouse had been repurposed into a lab several years ago—as Fenton was told—and before that it had been a type of aquatic life observatory for one of Scrooge McDuck’s nephews. It had been one of Duckburg’s major tourist attractions where people could pay to tromp up hundreds of steps to go to the very top of the lighthouse and even hear the foghorn blow.

            Then they would go all the way down into the basement where they could see the ocean, a coral bed and dozens of fish. Fethery—Mr. McDuck’s nephew—had taken great care of the coral reef that grew around the light house and kept track of dozens of animals. There were even aquatic tubes that were built into the lighthouse basement that led to holding tanks somewhere else in the lab.          Someone could even put on diving equipment and go through the tubes right into the ocean. Fethery used these tubes to bring in sick or injured animals into the aquatic observatory where he could treat them before releasing them again.

            Fenton remembered coming to the lighthouse for a school trip once, remembered the excitement in Fethery’s voice and how he spoke to the children about taking care of the oceans, conservation and eliminating pollution. It had been very fascinating.

            But Fenton always wondered what had happened to Fethery. A few years ago, the aquatic observation had been closed down without any explanation, and it was only when Fenton was hired as an intern to work with Gyro that he found out that the space was now utilized as a lab.

            As Fenton cleaned his hands—and his face, because he really did have greasy circles around his eyes—he thought about Fethery, the lab, and what had happened a few years ago. He had never dared as Mr. McDuck—he barely said more than a few words with the elderly duck in his time as intern—and Gyro never said anything if Fenton broached the subject. His best theory was that Mr. McDuck had a falling out with his nephew and that was the end of it.

            His eyes wandered out to the ocean, although only the lights in the lab penetrated the darkness. He wondered if there was more to the story. He remembered reading an article in a newspaper about this very thing, that Scrooge McDuck’s nephew, Fethery Duck, had gone missing yet nobody reported anything about it to the police. The reporter claimed that nobody had seen Fethery since the closing of the lighthouse, and there were no records of him leaving Duckburg or any other activity of where Fethery Duck could be. Later, the newspaper printed a retraction and as far as Fenton could see, the reporter who wrote the article never worked for the paper again.

            As much as Fenton’s imagination could come up with a dozen different scenarios as to what happened to Fethery Duck, he couldn’t believe any of them. Mr. McDuck might be unapproachable and stand-offish, but Fenton couldn’t believe that he would harm an innocent person, let alone his family.

            With his thoughts floating through the subject of Fethery, he hadn’t realized how long he had been standing at the sink with his eyes looking through the window unfocused. It wasn’t until the hot water turned extremely hot that he was brought back to reality.

            And he came face to face with a beautiful woman.

            He was caught unguarded, blinking a few times as she stared back at him, her mouth open a little. Then a few bubbles poured out of her beak, racing through the water.

            Water?! She was in the ocean.

            Fenton stumbled back, his mind coming to the conclusion that there was a person drowning just outside the lighthouse. The lab wasn’t the only underwater level in the building, and they were over thirty feet below sea level. If she had sunk this far, could he get to her in time before she drowned.

            Just as he was startled by her appearance, her face jumped in surprise as well. Her body twisted and pointed downward, her motion followed by a long, scaly tail that whipped out a few times, then she was gone.

            Fenton fell flat on his butt, just as stunned as if he had been kicked by a horse in the stomach. What did he just see? Did he just see a creature that was half-woman, half-fish? A mermaid?

Want to read more? Keep track of my daily progress on AO3.

[cartoonfangirl1218]

Hey, remember when I had a whiny self pity party a few months ago about my grad school. 

It’s back. 

You see, I had thought I reached a calm state of acceptance about it. Yes, it wasn’t what I wanted but it was still a good school. Its well known for writing for a reason, it will be fine. 

Then orientation happened. And nothing really bad came from it, the teachers all seemed nice and enthusiastic but I just left feeling worse I guess somehow. 

The writing workshops seem fine but just the other classes about publishing, it just feels like I’m playing pretend I guess. It’s more essays and more group projects that are supposed to prepare for the actual job and that’s the whole point of education I know. 

But god, the other program had you actually tour publishing houses. And there was a whole semester project where you got to work personally one on one with an editor to develop your novel and another semester with an agent to try to sell it to the publishing houses. 

You got to work, I want to work so badly instead of having these vague classes where homework is the stand-in for an actual chance inside the publishing world. 

And don’t even get me started on the internships. How this school is all about networking and we’ll get you connections and whenever I ask about job, the answer is always the goddam same. It’s always go to the career center. 

I did go to the career center in college and all the career center does is help you with your resume. Which is fine but I would like to actually add a job to my goddam resume instead of polishing up the nothing I already have. Because I know the problem is I having nothing on my resume because no one will fucking hire me since I have no experience like the worst circular dumpster fire. 

And no one is going to recommend me because I have to be an adult and do it myself, take initiative. I know that but god, everyone says you have to have connections or know someone so why can’t the teacher help me get in something. And I don’t mean the school literary magazine. I read that and I understood nothing of that pretentious poetry nonsense. Nothing!

But maybe I’m wrong, supposedly the alumni in the career center message boards always reply back. Maybe they’ll help. Or maybe it will be like the last time when I talked to three editors from Disney-Hyperion and Simon and Schuster (how’s that for initiative)That they’ll keep me in mind but you just to have keep working at it and maybe find local journals. And I’ll smile and say thanks, and they’ll smile and say they’ll remember but let’s face it, they probably won’t. 

And those local journals don’t even have the decency to reply with an automated rejection email because apparently that’s not a thing anymore. They just don’t answer at all. And I’m too polite to send a snarky email saying maybe they’ll hire me to rejection emails for them cuz they need it. Not that they’d reply to that anyone. 

And the ones that do answer and give me an interview then they cancel the interview because they don’t need anymore hires. Do they not fucking communicate?!?! How do they not know that the position isn’t filled when they offer someone an interview? Why do they have the internship sign still up! And this has happened to me three times. Three, what the hell. 

And the others, cuz only one had the decency to reject me outright told me they needed more personality. Omg this is internship, I’m probably just getting you coffee and checking emails. Do you really need my personality? My personality is whatever you want me to be because I just want to get hired. I mean I guess I could talk about how I like books but I really think you should have guessed that from the fact that I’m applying for your journal and that whole cover letter where I talk about my book blig, my library experience, and all that. But nooo that’s just my accomplishments, they want personality. 

Well my personality is in the middle of a meltdown between crying ion the toilet and punching someone in the face repeatedly. Thank you very very much! 

And my regular job search isn’t going much better with the aforementioned no rejection email thing. Or just not replying to emails. Or they want a high school student. Or it only goes to the Princeton Uni ones because they’re so special. Which will be ironic since the only job that I’m going to get is at the University store. Yes, maybe it’s a shitty temporary job, but I guess that’s a rite of passage and I want money. 

Yet it’s so so depressing at the same time because I know what my friends are doing. Ones in foreign exchange in Uruguay at a clinic. Ones working at a hospital. Ones in law school. They get to work, they get to be in the fields while I’m stuck in this online program in theoretical publishing land instead of the real thing. 

And I know I shouldn’t compare but it’s hard and then I have to talk to them and literally have nothing to say when they ask what’s new. Nothing is new. It’s read a little and depend on the day, do laundry or go food shopping. Or when I get the store job, I can add fold t shirts, stack t shirts, ring up t shirts, find my atrophied brain among the t shirts. Basically the same thing I’ve done all summer. 

Because how can I build a social life in an asynchronous program. Seriously? So many people yet the most superficial interactions. It’s not like real life and it’s not like fandom life where you already have a jumping off point and I must admit I suck at group situations. I need one on one but again, it’s all async so ffuuuuck. And don’t get me on local adult classes. They use to be $75, now they’re $210 for Beginner’s French, what sort of capitalist greed nonsense is this 

And let’s not even get to my love life, that will go down a depressing spiral just the same. And I have tried and maybe it’s the guys I’ve texted with but they suck at texting. I’m always initiating and it’s always one word in return and I cannot be the one initiating, I just feel I’m bothering you. And since I’ve stopped, it’s been months with nothing so clearly that’s a dead end too. 

I mean, people always go on in the internet age it’s so easy to communicate and noooo it’s not true! It’s not true! It’s not true! 

The only thing I’m excited about is doing a paralegal degree online. I’m not even interested in law! But at least it will feel like an accomplishment compared to this program.

Because maybe I’m not cut out for this. Maybe I’m not as good of a writer as I think I am. And I’m trying to be realistic that maybe I can be an editor but apparently getting into it is even harder than being a writer. Apparently just getting in that field is just hard and it sucks. And I could be a librarian but that involves learning math, it’s been three years since I did math, I can’t get back into, I can’t. The GRE has spoken. 

So I’ll be a paralegal and I just die a little inside. And my friends are all like why are you giving up on my dream and come on, you think I want to? 

I don’t! I know I would be good at it. I read 100 pages per hour, I’ve done interviews with authors, I wrote 100 posts for my book blog in 18 days and once did a 100 day streak of one post a day. Basically, initiative and I’m disciplined and bit obsessive which I would think they want. I’ve edited others work, I think I write pretty good emotional scenes with angst and humor, I’ve written in the voice of other authors, I’ve planned detail book series which is exactly in the job skills of a story editor. I would kill in this!

Maybe, I mean I don’t even know. Maybe it is harder than I think and I should try for something else but I don’t know because I’m not in that world, just theoretical land of school papers and essays, wasting my time when I could have learned to accept that dreams die long long ago. 

And yes, this is all very self pitying when I could transfer but what’s the point? What’s the point of sticking it out for a year and transferring. I should just suck it up and do the two years I’m paying for. Transferring wouldn’t solve the fact that Boston is too expensive to live in. That’s why my parents told me to accept this one, to stay home and save the money on rent and transportation. And take care of my grandfather and dogs. It was a sign they said, 

And I know it’s selfish to want otherwise. I mean I love my grandfather and I don’t want to be too far away if he, god forbids, dies but it hurts. It feels like I’m stuck in this false grown up world where I’m pretending that I’m going to actually earn something out of this vague program of busywork that will “prepare” me while everyone is out there doing things with their jobs full of purpose and fulfillment and life and cute guys and culture. 

And yeah, I just needed to scream it out there in the void of the internet where it can’t get back to my family. Then they’d just feel guilty (which maybe they should have thought about before undermining my decision but whatever, I’m trying to get over the resentment). But there’s some good stuff, like seeing my family and having my dogs. And I have the car so I can go to the library and movies and. . . Yeah that’s it. But my first Zoom class is today so maybe it’ll be better. Please be less empty than I think.  At least I got this all out in words instead of swirling in my head every time I go food shopping strangely enough.

[chanstopher]

wait wait i'm NOT ?? THE ONLY ONE WHO'S RESISTED KPOP FOR YEARS??? ok ok first of all u sharing everyone's kpop story makes me all smiley and giddy and i wanna share mine but also i don't wanna intrude bC I'M BABY HERE OK??? BUT LIKE ??? finding ur blog only recently when i allowed myself to actually dive into kpop an stray kids and just soak it all in?? has made me all smiles and i honestly just enjoy following u so much!!!

ok but like?? yes i have REPRESSED AND RESISTED kpop so long bc i'm a rebel and i always have this underlying urge to not??? follow the hype ya know?? i think my first encounter with pop was like?? 2012?? with gangnam style?? and i hate myself for admitting it, but i was studying in australia at the time and there was a music channel i remember which had a kpop segment i think?? so it was like gangnam style and ALSO SUPER JUNION?? (thats all i can remember) and i've listened to a bit of exo on the sideline and then BTW blew up and everyone loved them around me but i was just like NOPE?? BC I COULDN'T ALLOW MYSELF TO FOLLOW THE HYPE??? and i still cringe about the whole youtube rewind 'KPOP!' segment like what was that even back then???

but then i was exposed to the felix effect on TikTok during last fall (ugh yess but i couldn't help it) and it just continued into the new year and now i'm just in the deep end with all things stray kids, going through so many of their songs and their yt videos and i just?? feel so hAPPY GIDDY EXCITED??? but i also cry thinking about everything i've missed out on like ?? moments and memories??? exclusive merch?? PHOTOCARDS ??? (like pls sign me up i wanna sell my soul fo anyone who sells extra photocards i have like none) sbvhjfd

I'M SORRY THIS GOT SO LONG BUT YESS I'm a baby stay and my blog is still in transition but I AM HERE AND I'M gushing about them every day and receiving messages from hyunjin (god he's my fave) and felix and chan on bubble always makes my day and i am just so happy to see what they've accomplished!! LIKE TODAY??? ALL HAPPY TEARS ON MY END!!! i'm literally just waiting for my upcoming internship to accept my wish to be off in july so i can see them headline in paris !!! — thank you for u and ur blog, ur a treasure to follow!!

all baby stays are welcome here I am here for more ppl loving skz always, no gatekeeping here just love and support hehe (and omg thank you im so happy following this blog makes u happy 🥹💕)

i get being resistant to follow the hype especially with music a lot of popular music is really boring and i find myself underwhelmed by stuff ppl REALLY enjoy, and also just not wanting to be a part of what everyone is screaming about is totally valid.

I love that felix did u in tho, and theres always time to catch up on old content! sites like skzflix are superrrr helpful in finding older shows and things! and im always here if ur looking for something or wanna know where anything is from <3 i love how excited and happy u seem to be about skz, i think its always refreshing to have new ppl join in, i think it helps remind ppl who have been in about how exciting discovering skz was for them, and seeing things from a new perspective is so nice!

I hope ur internship gives u the time off! skz are amazing live and i hope u get to experience it!!