#the read more is me venting about the last guy I met through these apps jsyk

[gettothedancing]

I’ve been using dating apps for a few years. I have been moving states often and dealing with inconsistent shift schedules. I wasn’t meeting any adequate single men in my church or work environments, and because of the frequent moves, it was hard to make friends, much less have anyone set me up with someone.

I’ve finally decided that they’re doing me more harm than good. I’m giving up on them entirely and trying to date the normal way. I hope it improves the quality of the men I meet and date.

The final straw was the last guy I dated. Most of my matches are based on similar political or religious labels. When we meet in person, we don’t have many other interests in common, and a second date would rarely follow. This guy was an exception. We both liked older music and movies and games. Although he was a lapsed Catholic, which is quite different from my denomination, he had some similar spiritual values that were encouraging to see.

On the first date, I explained that I didn’t drink. I don’t enjoy the feeling or the taste in any way. I have religious reasons. I’m also allergic to alcohol. Even one sip will give me a massive headache and sleeping issues for at least 24 hours. It holds no temptation for me. I had not realized my allergy at the time of the date and so gave my other reasons. He seemed to accept them.

On our second date, going to a bowling/video arcade place, he gets a drink for himself and gives me soda. I’m glad he respects my boundaries. When we walk around later, he playfully tries to sneak us into a rooftop bar, but it’s part of a hotel so we simply take a joyride on the elevator and continue on.

On the third date, he offers me a drink of seltzer. I, assuming it is nonalcoholic, since I had never heard of hard seltzer, try a sip. I don’t like it and don’t have any more. He told me he didn’t like this seltzer himself, but as we sit down to watch a movie, he brings the bottle. When a character drinks in the movie, he loudly says, “If he’s having a drink, I’m having a drink!” and takes a huge drink straight from the bottle. He does this once more before I ask if he does this a lot. Then he seems embarrassed and stops. I’ve had a headache since I had my sip and go home, after being kissed once. I realize that he gave me alcoholic seltzer during my drive back. When I ask him, he admits it’s 5% alcohol and says that he assumed I had read the label and “wanted to have some fun.”

I’m concerned about his character now. He apologizes, and wheedles, and pleads, and keeps talking to me until I consent to a fourth date. I don’t really feel safe alone with him now. I make sure we’ll be in public.

But I go out of desperation. My sister’s marriage is going so well, and I’m still nowhere near married, and I shouldn’t give up on him so easily, I tell myself.

On the fourth date, we have fun bowling together. He pays with cash, then says he forgot his credit card, so I pay for the last game. We drive back to his place so he can get his credit card, and then we get back into the car to go to dinner. I’ve been enjoying myself and my concerns about the drinking are starting to fade. Maybe it really was just a mistake.

He takes me to a bar for dinner. A bar. When there’s a perfectly serviceable restaurant right next door.

I didn’t bring my driver’s license (he was picking me up so why bother) and get carded. He tries to convince the bouncer to let me in anyway. I convince him to take me straight home instead. He tries to kiss me in front of a large party of neighbors that are staring at us. I duck away and go into the house.

I break up with him in person as soon as possible afterwards. He just couldn’t understand how his violation of my trust and his continual attempts to get me to drink destroyed any sense of attraction or safety I had had around him. He was shocked when I told him I wouldn’t see him anymore.

I feel like if someone looked at the people I’ve dated, and then heard me say I was lonely being single so long, they would assume that I’m just a very picky person. I have been the one to end most of my would-be relationships. But I’ve also been stood up and pressured and hit on a lot. While it’s possible I really am overly picky, I think the real issue has been meeting men of low quality. I hope that not being on apps will help my selection pool improve.

I trust my discernment because it’s gotten me out of bad situations before. I’d rather be single than with the wrong person just for ‘experience’ or to not be single. But that doesn’t mean it’s not a long, lonely road that I’d like to leave behind.

[babyjakes]

must be fate. [part one.]

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next part →

summary | after unexpectedly connecting online with chris evans, you experience an even greater miracle by running into him at your favorite local cafe. though your life has been difficult lately, chris seems to know all the right things to say to get you feeling (at least a little bit) better.

pairing | chris evans x internet friend!reader

warnings | mentions of poor mental health (depression, loneliness), *slight* mentions of suicidal thoughts (passive, no specifics/plans/details), chris being the sweetest human being ever <3

word count | 1,231

requested by anon | chris evans x (non actress) reader where reader is feeling depressed recently and has no one to talk to and thought of venting out to chris by sending a DM through IG and after a few vents, surprisingly chris replies to her and maybe with a little help from fate chris and reader meet unexpectedly and chris recognizes her, you can add/modify some details, maybe this time some fluff?

an | hi i am SO sorry it took me so wrong to write this one but!!! i finally got around to it! fluffy, comforting chris is exactly what i’ve been needing lately so here we go! i hope you enjoy! thanks so much for your wonderful ideas <3 (i like did not really know how to make chris and reader bump into each other very realistically so i just made the setting boston? since he’s an ma guy? idk)

Taking a sip of your coffee, you tuck your head down into your book, doing your best to blend in as you sit alone at your table in one of your favorite little cafes. The place is quite busy with people bustling all about, chatting and laughing and enjoying each other’s company. You’re just around because you needed to get out; you’ve been having a terrible past few weeks and couldn’t stand sitting by yourself at home for another minute.

“Y/n! Y/n,” you hear a deep voice calling faintly from across the room, starling you slightly. Glancing up warily, your eyes land on the last person you’d ever expect to meet in person or to be calling your name: Chris Evans.

“Ch-Chris?” you stutter out as he makes his way over to your table-for-two, a cup of coffee in hand. His deep blue eyes connect with yours as a smile graces his face, appearing delighted to see you. “Oh my god, hi. I- wh-what are you doing here?”

“I’ve been in the area for a few days, just hanging out,” he explains casually, pulling out the empty chair across from you. “Oh,” he pauses before planting himself down, “is it alright if I sit?”

“O-of course,” you stumble, still unable to believe that he’s truly in front of you. He’s been one of your favorite people for a long time, but up until now it’s always been from a distance. You started out like any other fan, and then a few months ago you had decided to reach out to him over Instagram when your collapsing world finally became too much for you to bottle up inside. By some miracle, he had read your messages and responded, which led to the two of you slowly becoming friends through the app, leading Chris to eventually give you his number.

While all of that had felt like a dream already, this was something else entirely. Now he was here, right in front of you. He had recognized you from all the way across the crowded café, and took the initiative to come and sit down. You can hardly believe in.

“I can’t believe it, I’m so glad I get to meet you,” Chris says, the words seeming much more like something you should be saying to him.

“Y-yeah, I- me too,” you agree quickly, shutting your book on the table in front of you and tucking your hair behind your ear self-consciously, embarrassed that he’s seeing you in such a state. Things have been getting progressively worse since you met Chris online, and honestly, right now you’re a mess. You didn’t even bother to brush out your hair or put on any makeup before you left home, not thinking anyone would be getting close enough to notice or care. “Wow, I-… this is unreal,” you admit, feeling a slight blush rise up through your cheeks.

“Guess it must be fate,” he says, his smile widening slightly. The warmth and kindness in his expression tugs at your heart; it’s been forever since the last time someone looked at you with such tenderness. “You come here often?” he asks, taking a sip of his coffee.

“Oh, y-yeah. I… this place is my favorite,” you tell him.

“Yeah, it’s pretty great,” he agrees, “I try to stop in whenever I’m in town. It’s too bad we haven’t run into each other before,” he comments, still surprising you with how truly thrilled he is to be meeting you. “How are you doing?” he asks, his voice softening up a bit as a hint of concern flashes in his eyes.

At his gentle words, you suddenly feel tears threatening to spill over as a wave of emotion washes over you. You can’t remember the last time someone spoke those words to you, and now that Chris is asking, you feel like if you open your mouth and begin speaking, you might not be able to stop.

“Hey,” he murmurs, his concern only growing as he sees the tears built up in your eyes. “Y/n… do you wanna talk? I don’t have anything going on right now, and it seems like you could use someone to talk to.” His voice is sweet and soft, his words kind and sincere, only making your urge to spill everything to him grow stronger.

“Sorry,” you shake your head as you wipe at your eyes shamefully, “I-I’m okay, I just-… I’m okay,” you lie, not wanting to burden him with your problems or waste his time. He’s Chris Evans, you think to yourself, surely he has better things to be doing than listening to my sob story. He’s already done so much for me. “I’m sure you’re plenty busy with… I… I’m sorry,” you repeat.

“No, it’s alright,” Chris presses, seeing right through the brave front you’re putting on. “Really, I’m not busy. Don’t be sorry, y/n. I finally get to see you in person, and I can finally be here for you like you’ve needed someone to be for so long. Please, doll. I can tell you’re not okay,” he tells you gently.

Swallowing down a lump that’s formed in your throat, you sigh as tears begin trailing down your cheeks, no longer concealable at this point. Besides, you can tell that Chris senses just how exhausted and miserable you are, and you decide that you truly just don’t have the energy to hold it together any longer.

“I… I’m getting worse,” you admit quietly, your eyes falling to your lap as your fingers fiddle nervously with the spine of your book. “Everything’s just getting worse.”

“Oh, sweetheart,” he breathes, his brow raised in concern as he leans in slightly towards you, wanting to show you that he’s listening.

“I-I’m doing the best that I can, I-I swear… I just… I hate this, this life. I just… I just wish everything would stop,” you sniffle as more tears fall into your lap.

“Y/n,” he says, and suddenly you feel warmth against your fingers. Looking up slightly, you see that he’s placed his much larger hand over your own, and has begun to slowly run his thumb across your skin softly. “Can you look at me?” Timidly, you raise your gaze to meet his, and the look of care and worry in his eyes is indescribable. “Hey. It’s gonna be okay, sweetheart,”he tells you seriously. “I know everything’s a lot right now. And it’s okay to feel overwhelmed; I totally get why you do. But everything’s gonna be alright. You’re not alone anymore, okay? I’m right here with you. See?” he asks, giving your hand a slight squeeze.

“Chris, I-” you stutter, not knowing what to say. “That’s… that’s so kind of you, and it means a lot to me that you’d say that, but… you’re a celebrity,” you remind him. “I’m just- just a nobody. A girl you met online. And you-”

“No,” he cuts you off firmly, “that’s not true. You’re my friend, y/n. Who cares if I’m a celebrity? You’re not nobody, not to me, and I’m here for you. For good,” he asserts. His kind words soften your heart slightly, and as you peer into his crystal-blue eyes, you can’t find a single hint of deception.

“For good?” you ask, needing to hear it again to truly believe it.

“For good,” he says again. “I promise, y/n. I’m here.”

next part →

[absurdthirst]

Hi Keri! Happy weekend! Hope you’re having a good Saturday (or any other day of the week depending on when you read this😅)! Love your fics!!! And the venting space <3

I’ve a question for you and your followers, if I may 🙃😳 I’m not comfortable talking about this with anyone in my real life, but would really appreciate an outside perspective, so here I am —

Does one have to do the whole *dating* thing to find love? As in, is being intentional about going out to bars and/or being on dating apps the only realistic way to meet guys? (I am very much NOT a going out drinking/clubbing/talking to random strangers girl and apps feel really weird because you have to set mile ranges and age ranges and what about the people 5 miles further or 1-2 years younger/older??)

I always thought that I would naturally meet someone in my social circle (school, work, through friends of friends, etc), but is that just childish/wishful thinking? Do I have to be actively participating in the dating culture to find my person? And oh my gosh how do I even do that if it’s really hard for me to like someone unless I know them?

(For context, I graduated college last year and started my first full-time job this summer. I get crushes on fictional characters (obviously haha) but I’ve never been particularly interested in anyone in real life and have never had a boyfriend or kissed anyone. I’m not necessarily bothered about that yet but seeing everyone around me looking at Hinge for partners rather than at each other is making me worried that my “wait a few more years and see what happens” approach may be wrong…)

Sorry this got kinda long! And thank you again for this awesome tumblr space!!

I’m not the one to answer that. Lol. My first husband was a friend from high school who I started dating a year later when we met up at a homecoming game.

My second husband (current and final one) was a co-worker. We were friends before we were more.

So yeah…although I do know that from my experience, most of my boyfriends, were either friends of friends or people I met in school/work/social settings. I’ve had a few hook ups from a bar, but no love.

[dreaminae]

We All Neee The One Friend

Chapter 6

"I got all the fun we need for this weekend right here." J.J excitedly announced, showing off his portable fun box.

The guys rolled their eyes playfully, but J.J was completely serious.

"We know your kind of fun, Jay." Jordan chuckled, about to let J.J down. "And not to burst your bubble, man, but I don't think we came down here for that kind of fun."

"Maybe later." Asher agreed. "Spencer needs help going through the stuff inside."

Pouting, J.J groaned desiring to start the party. "Fine, but afterward we are going have some fun. Especially, Spence."

The boys headed inside while the girls took a stroll around the wooded area surrounding the cabin.

"I really shouldn't be out here, you guys. I'm super behind on my college apps." Simon sulked, walking beside Layla and Olivia.

"You need to loosen up, alright." Layla encouraged, knowing how overwhelmed her friend was these last few days.

"That's easy for you to say. You've probably finished all of yours." Simone moaned, angered by her lack of priorities.

"Yeah, but I haven't had as much going on as you either," Layla recalled Simone's last few months. "From being pregnant, to dealing

with giving up your baby, I'd say you have a good excuse."

"At least, tell me you are in the same boat." Simone plead with Olivia who gave her a sad smile in response.

"Sorry," Liv mumbled, "I didn't have a lot going on over summer break. Starting my college apps was a time filler for me."

"Ugh, let's talk about something else. Both of you are making me feel like an underachiever." Simone groaned, fed up with herself.

"Good idea." Liv and Layla agreed, attempting to lift the strain off Simone.

Simone's eyes fell to the sight of Vanessa helping Asher collect wood for the small bonfire they planned for tonight. "Aye, I've noticed that Vanessa and Asher -"

Layla coughed roughly in the middle of Simone's statement to keep from an awkward conversation. Shaking her head she signaled for Simone not to go there.

"What? What am I missing?" Simone asked, glancing between the other two girls as they each other knowing expressions.

"It's fine, Layla." Liv dryly stated, finding it pointless to hide Asher's summer secret.

"What's fine?" Simone asked.

"So it turns out that Asher and Vanessa met each other in Mexico during summer." Liv revealed to Simone.

"Woah." Simone gasped.

"Not, Woah." Olivia sighed. "He didn't cheat on me with her. They just formed a close bond, like... I don't even know." Liv dragged out, unsure what went on between Asher and Vanessa.

"Cheating or not. If you ask me, she shouldn't be hanging around like she doing." Simone spat. "It's disrespectful towards you."

"I don't even care." Olivia shrugged off the recollection of Asher's summer fling. "Asher says nothing happened, so I am not going overthink it."

"I am not sure whether to applaud your trust in your man or to be concerned that you're not more apprehensive," Simone observed Liv's disinterest.

Thinking hard of what Simone stated, Layla began to wonder if Liv might have a secret of her own.

------------------------------

"Don't tell me you guys mixed up the piles." Spencer moaned frustrated by the thought of having ro redo all of the organizing the keepsakes from the junk.

"I didn't even know there were two different piles." J.J revealed, his cheeks flushed from embarrassment.

"Guess we're restarting." Jordan pouted.

"Do we have a chance?" Asher huffed, wondering how the four of them got their wires crossed during the organizing.

"Alright, so is this junk or keepsake?" J.J inquired, shaking around a small dusty box. "Something is in here."

"Let me see that." Spencer insisted before J.J might accidentally spill the containments out.

"What's in there, Spence?" Jordan questioned, curious to know what secret treasures Corey might be left behind.

"Letters," Spencer responded with convection of surprise. "Addressed to me and Dillion." He added, looking through the stack of sealed letters dated after his Pops first left years ago.

Their conversation was cut short by Vanessa's cry for assistance with the grill.

"Here I come, boo." J.J chuckled, goofily skipping from the room to help his date.

"No way, am I leaving the grill to those two." Asher moaned, following right after J.J to ensure they didn't burn the place down.

"Like you're any better than the two of them." Jordan chuckled, ready to follow suit. Halting in his steps, he spun around to check on the person that was supposed to matter at the moment.

"Hey, Spence, you good?" Jordan inquired, noticing that Spencer's focus centered on the unread letters.

"Huh? Oh, yeah, don't worry about me." Spencer assured his close friend. "Make sure they don't burn my Pops' place down." He laughed to cover up his anxiety.

Sensing that Spencer needed a moment alone with his thoughts, Jordan conceded, leaving him isolated.

---------------------------

Somewhere between failing to start

the grill for dinner, and debating on games to play, the crew found themselves in a war of water guns.

However, Layla's fun ended at the sight of her boyfriend through a nearby window. Seated in the love seat, Spencer remained alone, contemplating what to do with his Pops' letters. Engrossed within his mind, he failed to notice Layla's presence.

"Are you alright?" Layla asked, wanting Spencer to feel comfortable confiding in her about the things racking his brain.

"Turns out my Pops wrote me and Dillion while he was away." Spencer chuckled emotionless. "He wrote a letter to me and Dillion on every birthday that he missed after he left. But he never sent a single one."

"Did you read any of them?" Layla asked, sitting on the arm of the love seat to be near Spencer.

"I'm not sure if I should," Spencer admitted. "There are so many questions I wished he was here to answer. His letters could hold some of the explanations, but it's possible they won't." He explained in a quick rant.

Trying to relate to Spencer's situation, Layla thought back to when she finally allowed herself to go through her late's mother's belongings.

"I know it's not the same, but I remember the repercussions of going through my mom's song lyrics." Layla detailed from last year's events. "I thought the lyrics might help me to understand what she might have been going through before she died." She sighed sadly. "Truth is, reading those lyrics left me with more questions than answers."

Spencer nodded, comprehending where she was coming from.

"I can't tell you what Corey was thinking when he wrote these letters," Layla conceded, knowing that fact was beyond anyone's ability. "But maybe there is a good reason why he never sent the letters. Maybe he didn't want to leave you and your brother with more questions, than answers."

"So you don't think I should read them," Spencer concluded from his girlfriend's comparison.

"That's your choice." Layla asserted. "But, hey, it's not a choice you need to make right now." She implied, suggesting he take a break from his inner thoughts to have some fun. "C'mon."

Grabbing his hand, she leads Spencer away from the letters and his conflicts, dragging him outside to join in the fun.

The game of water wars continued for another half an hour before everyone drifted to their activities. While everyone helped out in the kitchen, preparing a good grilled meal, Spencer couldn't let go of his intrigue.

In the end, his curiosity won, forcing Spencer to commence reading the letters. Starting from a more recent year, Spencer delved into a letter that documented his father's spiteful side. Inside the letter, Corey revealed his reason for leaving was because of the one-time affair between Coach Baker and Spencer's mom.

Hatred garnished each sentence as Corey vented about his rough history with his former best friend and wife. Stunned by the harsh torment of his father's words, Spencer released a sigh of relief once he reached the closing sentence of the letter. Advising his son to beware of those closest to him, Corey precisely conveyed his perception of treachery in his final statement.

Stopping in his steps on the path through the wooded area, Spencer folded the letter closed, unsure if he should read another one. His confliction attracted him to a region of serenity.

Reaching the lakeside where he bonded with his late father over a traditional pastime of fishing, Spencer sat in a lawn chair watching the marine life as his mind wandered into deep reflection.

From afar, Olivia observed Spencer's anxious mannerisms. Noting how his hands clenched to a rusted box, that she assumed contained the letters from his late father. Only knowing what Jordan disclosed to her earlier about their findings, Olivia summed up that Spencer might need a listening ear.

Although they were in a strange place, Liv refused to turn away when Spencer needed her. Like an unspoken vow between the two of them, Liv wanted Spencer to understand that --- no matters what problems they carried-- he was never alone.

Following the motions of so many summer nights that they shared, Olivia made her way over to Spencer ready to help with whatever he required.

"Damn, you showed those letters who's boss." Liv joked, approaching Spencer as he tossed the box down on the boardwalk.

Cracking a small smirk, Spencer played along. "Someone had to."

Sitting down in the empty chair next to Spencer's seat, Liv inhaled a breath of the fresh, outdoor air. Following her actions, Spencer sniffed the tranquil atmosphere.

"We can talk about it," Liv spoke lightly, breaking their silence. "Or not talk about it." She added, knowing somethings people needed to figure out for themselves. "Whatever you need."

Spencer nodded, glad to have her at his side for either. "I hoped reading these letters would ah.." He sighed, trying to piece together an explanation. "I don't know. I hoped they'd be like a....ah.."

"A gift." Liv finished for him.

"Exactly." Spencer agreed, surprised that she took the right word choice out of his mouth. "But my Pops was so angry. He blamed my moms for everything, even for the choices he made." He explained, disappointment coating his tone. "And I ah, I don't want to remember him like that." Spencer decided, striving to keep the happy memories of his father, rather than recalling Corey's cold side.

From a few feet away, Asher watched the interaction between his girlfriend and Spencer by the lake, while he grilled on the porch deck. Carrying a plate of cobbed corn, Layla accompanied Asher around the grill.

She hadn't noticed his stressed expression as he observed Liv and Spencer from afar. "They seem closer than ever."

Layla's brows furrowed, confused by whom he referred to. Following the line of his sight, her vision landed on her on the scenery of her boyfriend in a deep conversation with her best friend.

The smile that she expressed when she first arrived outside inadvertently faded. Despite her best efforts of attempting to ignore the new intimacy between Spencer and Liv, Layla continually felt envious of their cozy friendship.

"Have you wondered just how much did we miss being gone this summer?" Asher inquired, his eyes pulling from the scene by the lake to analyze Layla's cold exterior.

Feeling that she wasn't ready to answer his question, Asher spared one last glance to Liv and Spencer before striding inside the cabin.

Glued to the view of the intense discussion between her boyfriend and Olivia, Layla realized that she desired nothing more than to know the answer to Asher's question.

[twistedblud]

FINE LINE SERIES

Part 1: Adore You

pairing: dom x female!reader

description: a couple who fell in love and got married — very young and now with a kid. always told they were young and naïve. where did they go wrong?

warning(s): a hint of fluff, the tiniest bit of angst? just a moment of vulnerability is all. nothing too big coming up until the third part! 

a/n: my first series and i’m kindaaa nervous haha. but if you like it i’d appreciate if you left a comment, like, or reblog. it helps a lot. also, lyrics won’t be in exact order, just whenever they relate to the descriptions.

series masterlist & series playlist

“Y/N! He’s here! Up, let’s go!” Antonio called out. You huffed, only audible to yourself, at the words coming from your boss’ mouth and quickly got up from the seat at the vanity. You got your station prepped, making sure everything from the powder to the eyeliner were present. You couldn’t afford to be back and forth between the stock room looking for anything you may have missed. 

A few more hours. 

A few more hours.

After this shoot you leave, Y/N.

It had been a busy Thursday afternoon with Antonio and the first shift staff at your work, throwing out demands on top of demands. Now it was just after one in the afternoon and you were over the day. Antonio’s assistant, Tia, somehow spilled a coffee all over your precious denim jacket, which resulted in you taking an early break, frantically trying to find something else to cover up with. 

Thankfully, a new girl on the job happened to have a spare bomber jacket, not hesitating to lend it to you.

The day had went on and the team rushed around, making sure to prep the snacks for whichever artist they had coming in soon. Honestly, you hadn’t paid much attention at the meeting which discussed the artist and their vision for the project. You remember briefly hearing something about a Dominic, and him being from somewhere the UK.

You spent the minutes before the talent arrived on a conversation with your fellow co-workers, not being able to see your best friend at the job, as she always worked the shift after you.

Tia rushed over to your work space, closed off from the actual set, where photos were taken. “He’s here Y/N. Antonio says to make sure everything is ready please.” you nod, forming a fraudulent smile at the young girl before she walked away, but not before almost running into a group of men. You met the eyes of the guy in the middle of the group, being greeted with a warm smile. You returned it, not wanting to be completely rude but also wondering who he was.

I get so lost inside your eyes.

The mystery man stopped one of the staff members speeding past and whispered something. The staff member pointed directly at you before the man thanked her, and walked away. He made his way over to your station and paused directly in front of your figure. You took note of his dyed hair, the blue and pink streaks roaming freely throughout his head. 

“I was directed over here...Y/N right? You’re doin’ my makeup?” the man spoke, a heavy accent rolling off of his tongue. You nod slowly, not breaking eye contact with the man. He shot you a comforting smile, stripping out of his leather jacket, dropping it in the arms of a person in the group he walked in with. “Hold this for me, yeah? N’don’t spill anything on it like last time. M’begging you Adam,” Dom asked the guy before him-now identified as Gavin.

“I’m Dominic but feel free to call me Dom. Actually, I’d prefer if you called me Dom,” He rambled out. You try not to laugh at his introduction as you watched his, only what you could presume team, walk away and find seats near the snack area.

You motion to the seat in front of the mirror, allowing Dom to take a seat, watching him get settled. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and unlocked it before beginning to type away on it. Already having the essentials laid out before you two your eyes land on the eyeliner, along with the eyeshadow palette. You took note of the earthy tones and tried to brainstorm. It was your job to envision a look. It was your job to execute the look.

And it was your job to satisfy not only your boss Antonio, but Dom and his team as well. You couldn’t afford to have any complaints against you, especially given this was your only source of income.

You grab the top and side of the chair Dom was sitting in, drumming your fingers along the chipped wood as you stared at him through the mirror. You studied his stoic eyes, his basically-average nose, and even down to his lips. His lips were his most prominent feature, his hair coming in a close second. You hear the sound of his phone locking and he set his phone down into his lap. Dom looks up into the mirror and made immediate eye contact with you. You blinked frantically, breathing out and breaking the eye contact.

“Can I ask what the staring match was for?,” Dom questioned you, and you look back at him in the mirror. “I like to visualize. Just mix and match the possible looks.” Dom nodded in understanding. You continued, “It may seem weird but it helps. I swear,” Dom reached forward to grab a stray piece of plastic off the surface in front of him and began fiddling with it. 

“I understand Y/N. Forgot I work in the music industry myself?” Dom questioned you and you laughed. “Hey, I didn’t completely forget Dom. I just...suck at remembering things, especially here” you vent out to him. 

“S’okay. We all forget things sometimes, yeah?”

You hum out a quick “mhm” and tilt your head to the side as the perfect concept for Dom’s look comes to mind. Realizing that you subconsciously leaned part of your weight on the chair where he sat during your conversation, you push yourself back up and move to the front of the station, moving to get everything opened.

Dom watched you intently as you opened the eyeliner, making sure it was good. “You don’t mind?,” Dom randomly asked, you looking up to meet his eyes in the mirror once again. “Sorry, meant the eyeliner. The eyeshadow. You don’t mind putting it on me?”

You turn to face Dom with the eyeliner in hand and used your left hand to slightly tilt his head back. You move that same hand to the side of his left cheek, holding it there, as you began to bring the eyeliner toward his waterline. “I don’t mind it all, actually,” you slightly frown, “Why do you ask?”

“It’s just...people? The close-minded ones. Always judging me for wearing certain products or clothes.” You watched his eyes move to look down at his lap, Dom beginning to pick at his jeans. “Mostly get weird looks from other stylists in the industry for my interest in this kinda stuff. Not to mention the trolls online. It makes me...”

“Well it’s sexy to me. Any guy who can rock eyeliner and eyeshadow? A win to me.” Dom’s eyes went slightly wide, a goofy smile forming on his face. You simply stroked your thumb along his cheek, in a friendly manner, before beginning to apply the eyeliner.

---

Dom noticed you packing the last of your stuff into your purse, pleading with his team for a few more minutes. His convincing finally worked, but when he turned to your station, you were gone. The next shift of staff members piled in, taking your place at the station you once occupied. Dom let out a huff, running a hand through his wild hair. He wondered how you left so quick. But more importantly where you were.

Your lipstick had managed to slip out your purse in the process of you shoving everything in there, your coffee-stained jacked peaking out from the top. Dom noticed it on the floor and immediately picked it up. He briefly read the label: NYX Matte Lipstick in the shade Strawberry Daiquiri. Dom connected the dots, it now making sense that when you two were interacting, he smelled a frequent aroma of strawberry overpowering vanilla.

Strawberry lipstick state of mind.

“You can try the sidewalk. Y/N usually waits for her Uber there.” A voice snuck up behind Dom. He turned around to see a girl before him. She was only a tad bit shorter than him and slim, her skin a reddish-brown. A septum piercing stood out through her fuller nose, along with a simple nose piercing on her left side of her nose.

Dom realized he hadn’t replied back to the girl and shook his head, hoping she hadn’t noticed. Instead he cleared his throat, resting his hand on his hip, pushing back the jacket he had on. “How rude of me. Thank you!” Dom exclaimed, eyebrows furrowing as he looked around at the various exits, wondering which was quick to find you. The girl pointed to a door across from them. Dom thanked her again and headed toward the door but stopped in his tracks, turning around to the same girl who had been a help just moments before.

“Sick piercings by the way.”

----

Three more minutes. 

You looked down at your phone screen, tracking your Uber driver and his navigation as he reached closer to you. You waited in anticipation, finally relieved that your workday had come to an end and soon, you’d finally be in the comfort of your own home. You smiled at the thought of curling up on your sofa with a glass of wine, watching the newest episode of Grey’s Anatomy, with your puppy curled up by your feet.

Until then you waited on the sidewalk, swaying back and forth on the heels of your feet. You contemplated opening up the app Candy Crush to kill time, but the thoughts were interrupted, when you heard footsteps approaching you rather quickly. You squinted, barely made out who the figure was.

Dom halted in front of you, nearly crashing into you. You grabbed the side of his arms to help prevent him from plowing you over. He was audibly out of breath, huffs coming from his mouth. “Y/N...you left your, uh, lip stuff on the floor?” He handed you your beloved NYX lipstick. 

I'd walk through fire for you

You graciously thank him, “Holy shit, thank you Dom! Didn’t even realize I dropped it.” Your smile was small, yet still contagious, Dom fidgeting as you both hear the chime on your phone which signaled that your Uber was just around the corner.

You make out a quick goodbye, not realizing he had more to say. “Wait! If you’re not too busy, I was wondering if you maybe wanted to go out? Maybe this weekend? I know, shit, this is very weird and sudden but, I just wanted to ask-”

Just let me adore you

You giggled at his rambling and grabbed his hand, guiding him off of the sidewalk and near a random building, and away from you referred to it as, sidewalk rush hour.

Dom groaned in what you could only assume was embarrassment, slowly letting go of your hand, when you had finally worked up an answer to give him.

“I think I know what you’re trying to ask, and I’d love to, actually.”

Like it's the only thing I'll ever do.

Taglist: @wallows-spring

Part 2 will be linked here when it is published! And comment to be added to the taglist!

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #349

“we’ll meet again, when both our cars collide”

When was the last time you had a PopTart? It's been many, many months. Do you like hot chocolate? Well duh. Who made you laugh the hardest today? I haven't really laughed today. Who was the last person to promise you something, and what was it? Hmph. Would you ever jump into a fire to save your bestfriend? I know I would. Do you have a callus from writing too much? No, I only have calluses on my feet from when I used to walk for hours on end. They just never permanently went away, even with grooming. Who is someone you’ve made a bad first impression on? I dread to guess what the girl Jason dated after me was told about me. I shouldn't care at all, but I do. I have every reason to accurately be defined as "the crazy ex," and I fucking hate it. Who is your best guy friend? Girt, a friend from high school. Do you read cereal boxes while you’re eating? I did as a kid, but now I don't. I just kinda stand and eat. What’s the last thing you accidentally (or purposely) burnt? I kinda burnt the roof of my mouth on pizza the other night. Do you know anyone with a lip piercing? Me, haha. I know others, too. What did the last tattoo you saw, look like? I don't remember. Have you ever given birth? NO FUCKING THANK YOU. Do you enjoy making out? I mean if I'm in the mood to and I love you, yeah. Why exactly do you take surveys? "I genuinely like doing them and they’re great for venting and sorting out thoughts and whatnot. I can just ramble and get things off my chest." <<<< This right here covers it. As well, it's just a boredom killer. And I happen to be bored very, very often. Rockband or Gutair Hero? Both are great, why choose just one? What are you listening to right now? Halocene's cover of "Helena" by My Chemical Romance. It's beautiful. What kind of energy drinks do you drink, if any? None, because I just can't do energy drinks. They taste like pure poison to me. Have you ever been swimming in a river? No. Swimming in a river sounds pretty dangerous... Does your alarm clock wake you with music, or with an annoying buzz sound? Music. When you broke stuff in the house as a child, did you blame it on siblings? I'm hoping you don't mean breaking deliberately, 'cuz I wasn't that kind of kid. But anyway, I don't believe I did. Did you make it all the way through the Oregon Trail game? Yes. I was obSESSED with those games as a kid. Lions and tigers and bears, oh my! Which one are you more scared of? Tigers, probably. They're so stealthy and, while I may be entirely wrong, seem like the top candidate of the three to attack a human, be it for food or defense. And have you SEEN the muscles on a tiger? Christ. Describe the best use that you’ve found for duct tape: Uh, taping things lmao. Do you wrap gifts or use gift bags? I use gift bags, because I can't wrap for shit. What fast food place do you avoid at all costs? Arby's is really gross to me. Are you afraid of deep sea creatures? Just giant squid... *shudders* Have you ever agreed to purchase something on Ebay and got scammed somehow? No. I did, however, purchase something on deviantART and never got the product. It was going to be a present for Jason. In dA's defense though, I've bought like... two or three other things from there, and there were zero issues. It's really about the people you trust. If you get a call that says “Unknown”, do you answer it? Nnnnope. Do you have any bobble head figures? No. Have your parents ever left you somewhere without realizing it? I don't think so. Have you ever been in a tanning bed? No. Did your last kiss mean anything to you? Well yeah, I wouldn't have kissed her otherwise. Would you say that you have a nice smile? No; I've been self-conscious of it since I was a kid, mostly because one of my eyes looks more squinty than the other, but they both are to me. I've always said I look high when I smile lmao. Is there an ex you want to make up with? My mind immediately screams "Jason," but I know that's a horrendous idea. Our last talk ended peacefully and even with care and good wishes, and I need my fucking impenetrable head to accept that's where it needs to end. He does NOT need to re-enter my life. It would be so bad for me. Do you remember how you felt on 9/11? I have no memory of it, if I'm being honest. What outfit makes you feel the most attractive? None. Other than yourself, who knows you the best? Really? Whoever reads these lmao. What’s one complaint that you have about school? Common Core and how every student's school experience was not tailored towards their unique goals. Like they try to cram a shitload of identical and usually useless information into a kid's brain to make them a jack of all trades, you could say, but not enough information they need to properly pursue their career future. It causes such an unnecessary amount of frustration and stress. I have many, many complaints about the education system, but this one tops the list. What do you do while you’re on campus but not in class? Back in college, I would just do stuff on my laptop. Do you know anyone who has Autism/Asperger’s syndrome? Yes. Are you open to a same-sex relationship and why or why not? Well, considering I'm bisexual... Do you remember life without the internet? No. Have you ever found yourself to be ugly? I've gone my entire life thinking I'm ugly, if I'm being real. What is your state’s minimum wage? $7.25 a fucking hour. :'''''') Is there something you want to say to someone but can’t/won’t? There's a few people. What is your first memory of being in a hospital? Considering my mom worked at the local hospital when I was a kid, I remember being there quite, quite young, playing with my older sister in Mom's and her coworkers' room. I think Nicole was too young to really "play." Do you have any relatives with red hair? No. What is something good that has happened to you in the past week? I got my first Covid vaccine. My arm hurts like a motherfucker now, but to protect my mom, it's worth it. Please get vaccinated. How much was the rent/mortgage at the cheapest place you’ve ever lived? That's never been my business. Have you ever been to a gay pride parade? No, but I would go to a local one if I could actually walk five feet without being in serious pain and sweating like a pig. Do you still keep in touch with your very first best friend? We're friends on Facebook, but that's it. What was the topic of the last conversation you had with your dad? I can't remember, but it was recent, because we all met at Ashley's house for Nicole's birthday celebration. How often did you visit your grandparents when you were growing up? Pretty much never, given they all lived no less than like, 10 hours (via car) from where we lived. My immediate family are the only people in NC. When two family members are fighting, what do you usually do? Stay out of it, but admittedly try to listen just to know what's going on. Do you like the smell of men’s cologne? Yeah. What’s your all time FAVORITE freezer food? Do you eat that a lot? I survive off of microwaveable freezer food, so this is very hard... uhhhhh... perhaps this Banquet bowl meal that's mac 'n cheese with spicy chicken. It's absolutely delicious, like you'd never guess that sucker was just popped in the microwave. I'd say I eat it a moderate amount; it's a reliable option if Mom's not cooking and I'm really hungry, because it's super filling. Do you like documentaries? Have you ever watched one and find it boring? I enjoy them, particularly when they're about animals. Were you ever a fan of macaroni & cheese? Do you like Kraft dinner? Ha, speak of mac 'n cheese. I love it, and Kraft makes it fine. Do you burn incense? Not as much as I used to. I love the smell and just general vibe, though. What would you consider an unacceptable first date? Going to a bar or something. Have you ever been so sick you had to be taken to the hospital? In the head, anyway. Is there anything currently bothering you? Multiple things. Would you say that you’ve got something ‘special’ about you? No. Do you like things vampire-related? I don't really have an opinion on vampire stuff. Are you the kind of person who does not like talking about their past? I don't care. Have you ever been to a casino? No. What’s the last thing you wore a costume for besides Halloween related events? Back when I still took dance classes and we had the yearly recital. What does your father do for a living? He's a mailman. What’s the last app you downloaded on your phone? Haha, I re-downloaded this ollllldddd game I had before, Nyan Cat: Lost in Space (or something like that?) for my niece to play. She's hooked on it now. Are you in any discomfort right now? Yeah; as I mentioned, my arm really hurts. What do you know the most about? Of all things I know, almost certainly meerkats. Are you seeing anyone? No. Have you ever hooked back up with an ex, just for sex? Was it a mistake or no? No. Have you ever gotten in trouble for using a phone in class? No, because I didn't use my phone in class. Have you seen all the Shrek movies? No, which is a fucking crime. I need to see the last one. Have you ever finished a whole video game? Plenty plenty plenty. Do you know anyone with a pet snake? Yeah, myself included. If you had to live in an extreme environment — think Sahara, Antarctica, under the sea, on the Moon— where would you want to live? Why? Probably Antarctica. I'm sure it would be unpleasant, being that cold, but I feel there's more you can do about being cold than being in the scalding heat of, say, the Sahara. Living on the moon or in the deep ocean sounds super sucky. How was your day overall? It's been okay. Not as bored as usual, at least. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust? Like... zero. I want to say my dad, and I almost do, just... nightmares make that very, very difficult. Plus his past. What does your mom call you? Normally just "Britt." Write a sentence in another language: Oh god, my German is so rusty... uhhhh... Hallo, ich heiße Brittany, und ich bin 25 Jahre alt und wohne in North Carolina. I think I got the grammar right? Have you ever sent an X-Rated picture to someone? No. Even if I was comfortable with my body, I would be way too paranoid to at any point have a naked picture on my phone, even if I deleted it. Like, hello blackmail, but also, nothing you delete is ever really gone permanently. What big city do you live near? Raleigh is like an hour away. Do you like breaded chicken sandwiches? omg YES Is there a Sonic in your area? Yes, it's my favorite fast food joint. You have GOT to try the pretzel twists with cheese dip. Have you ever gone to a thrift store? Yeah, I love 'em. Do you think Johnny Depp is attractive? I do. Are you happy with the state you live in? No, not at all. I hate this place. Bunch of homophobic, racist rednecks. How many times have you seen the opposite sex naked? It's not like I counted every time I saw my ex naked over three and half years lmao. How many times have you seen the same sex naked? A few times. When days go by, do you cross them off on the calendar? I don't use a calendar. Are you currently counting down to something? If so, what? MY TATTOO APPOINTMENT!!!!! :''') I know I can't stop talking about it, but ugh I'm so excited. May 19th, c'mon already. Do you pay rent to your parents? No. Do you dye eggs for Easter? I used to as a kid. Not so much anymore. Are you in debt right now? For what? Oh god, I don't want to think of this. Would you ever work night crew? I really, really wouldn't want to. Humans are diurnal for a reason. Being awake in constant darkness would depress the fuck outta me, and it'd feel so lonely, with everyone I know asleep. Who was the last person that lied to you, or that you can recall lying to you? What did they lie about? How did you find out they were lying? I don't remember. Has anyone ever called you ugly, straight up, before? How did you react to this? No, not to my face. Who is the most stubborn person you know {excluding yourself}? MY MOTHER.

[meganshinsou-tm]

Shared Walls. (m)

↳ chapter one: the vent

❧ genre: pro-hero shouto, coworkers to lovers, happy ending

❧ chapter warnings: none

[multi-chap masterlist] [next chapter]

"Well fuck,” you hissed when all your groceries found their way to the floor. "Cheap fucking bags, why does this place hate me so much!"

It hadn’t been long since you moved to Japan from America, it was a big leap for a person such as yourself. You were somewhat introverted and didn't like to tread too far from what was familiar to you, so why were you now countries away?

Well - it was a shitty and scary situation you were in, having to completely uproot your life over a psycho ex-boyfriend. 

A few months before moving, you witnessed something you weren't supposed to at the hands of the man you spent the last 3 years with. Apparently in those three years this man didn't find the time to tell you he was part of one of Americas biggest villain groups. He used your love for him to make you feel guilty about it yourself, drilling it into your head that if you were to even think about going to the police he would take you with him 'dead or alive'.

You had completely cut off your family for this guy and now you were left with no one, no one to run to, no home to go to, just him. 

Little did he know, you had your own secrets, like a massive amount of money saved up in a bank from your father passing away and even though you were cut off from your family they couldn't do a thing about cutting off the money that was yours legally. Your ex had no idea about this and also didn't know you were secretly planning to escape from his clutches, far away to a place he'd never even think to find you. Far away to a place full of heroes that could possibly protect you. And you took that chance a week ago, able to slip out in the middle of the night while he was 'doing a job' and ran for your life, running towards a new life. 

So yeah, that how you ended up in Japan.

You were able to find a decent apartment located close to a police station, so you felt safe. Only being here for a few days you had yet to met any of the building tenants. Whoever lived next to you was either really quiet or wasn't home that often. It bummed you out to be honest. 

You had this vision of becoming close friends with whoever shared a wall with you at least, but you weren't going to take that step in knocking on their door and introducing yourself, that was way out of your comfort zone. If they came to you, that was another story!

After staring at the strangers door, you finally picked up all the groceries that fell from your bags and proceeded to enter your new home. 

"I really need to look for a job," you scolded yourself, emptying the bags onto the counter and putting the items up.

You couldn't live off of that saved up money for the rest of your life, it was time for you to grow up and put yourself out there. Like it or not, Japan was going to make an adult out of you! 

After changing into some more comfortable clothes you went back to the kitchen to grab the box of Pocky you bought but growled in frustration as you weren't able to locate them, "I know I bought some, didn't I?"

Shrugging your shoulders you opted for some chips and grabbed your laptop and sat on the couch.

For a few minutes you sat there and thought, trying to figure out what kind of job would suit you and your skills. Like anyone else you were good with computers, familiar with different business programs and could type well. 

A desk job. Simple and easy.

Typing in your job search multiple options appeared, apparently this place was popping with employment opportunities but one of the tabs caught your eye. 'Endeavor Hero Agency: Seeking Helper'.

"Hero agency huh? Sounds ... safe. I wonder if I need a quirk though."

You clicked on the link and read over the duties and requirements. The job seemed simple, normal clerical duties such a paper and computer work, scheduling appearances for the various heroes, getting them whatever they needed like running their costumes back and forth for repairs or replacements or getting them food, keeping the place clean, just pretty much a helping hand. And to top if off, having a quirk wasn't a requirement.

You smiled and for once had a glimmer of hope for this new country, so you submitted your resume and continued to look and apply for other jobs, crossing your fingers you'd get a call back from any of them. After a few more minutes of that and surfing the web you decided to take a bath. 

Closing your laptop, you stripped your clothes on the walk to the bathroom and talked to yourself, "Maybe I should get a dog since I can't seem to make friends!"

"Huh?"

As Shouto walked up the stairs to his apartment he spotted a box of Pocky on the corner of one of the steps. He picked it up and shrugged his shoulders, unlocked his door and walked into his home. The hero sighed and rubbed the back of his neck as he dropped the treat onto his counter before proceeding towards his bathroom and stripped down as he turned on his tub. Looking in the mirror he could see a few new bruises he acquired from a villain that day.

"Sorry bastard, caught me off guard," he mumbled to himself and lowered down into the tub.

His head laid on the cold stone, eyes fluttering shut and body stretching out the length of the tub as much as it could, his knees poking out of the warm water.

Finally he sighed, tired muscles relaxing and soaking in the heat.

"Nobody does it better, makes me feel sad for the rest. Nobody does it half as good as you, baby, you're the best."

Shouto's eyes opened, neck craning to looked around the room for the soft voice that was singing and filling the air.

"I wasn't lookin' but somehow you found me, it tried to hide from your love light. But like heaven above me, the spy who loved me is keepin' all my secrets safe tonight."

The voice kept singing, it sounded so close but he couldn't pinpoint where it was coming from. His two-toned eyes then looked up and saw a vent high on the wall behind the tub, garnering more interest, Shouto listened closer and could hear water moving as well.

The hero wondered why he heard water before realizing that the layouts of the apartments must be perfectly mirrored, meaning his and his neighbors bathrooms and bedrooms were right on the other side of the wall. Todoroki was aware someone finally moved into the apartment next to him but with his work schedule, he had yet to met the new tenant.

It wasn't like he was trying to avoid the person, he truly was just never home during the day unless he was off and the past week he had been working more hours than usual since his father was out of town, leaving him to take over the agency until his return. From the sound of the voice, obviously there was a girl on the other side of the wall taking a bath at the same time as him, it made him blush the tiniest bit but it passed quickly. He was more enamored by her voice that was escaping into his bathroom. It was so soft and sweet, making him curious as to what the girl looked like and who she was.

Most people would probably be annoyed with this situation but he wasn't, Todoroki actually enjoyed it and wouldn't be mad if it kept happening. Leaning back into the position he was in before, he closed his eyes again and smiled as the voice lulled him.

"The way that you hold me, whenever you hold me, there's some kind of magic inside you that keeps me from runnin' but just keep it comin'. How'd you learn to do the things you do?"

Morning came and with it a loud, obnoxious ringing.

"Why," you groaned from under your covers, hand searching the bed for the phone.

"Hello?" your groggy voice answered.

"Good morning, is this (Y/N L/N)," a stoic and monotone voice asked, the voice was extremely attractive and made your thoughts a little hazy.

You confirmed what they asked with little to no interest but immediately shot up into a seated position as they continued. 

"Oh uh – of course, yes! Yes sir I'm free today, what time? That sounds great, thank you very much, I'll see you then!"

You hung up the phone and starred at it, a smile plastered on your face. 

The Endeavor Agency had just contacted you and asked for an interview that day at one in the afternoon, making you beyond psyched. Head turning, you looked around your room and at the clock, it was only eleven. 

"I should probably see how far away this place is!" 

Pulling up the address and the maps app, your eyes widened and your body flew from the bed.

"Fuck me, this place is almost thirty minutes away, not counting the time it's gonna take me to catch a train in this godforsaken city and I'm not even dressed yet!"

Wasting no more time, you bolted from bed and ran to the bathroom to violently brush your teeth as you brushed your hair and put on the smallest amount of makeup. Meanwhile your mind raced, trying to figure out what to wear.

Searching through the few clothes you had, you finally found something and rushed to get dressed. After a few minutes you looked in the mirror and smiled, wearing a thin white long-sleeved button up blouse that showed a decent amount of cleavage tucked into a navy blue high-waisted skirt and some matching flats, the only jewelry you wore was a single necklace with a jeweled pendant.

Feeling a surge of confidence, you smiled wide at yourself and hummed.

"Man, I'm cute as fuck! This Todoroki dude is bound to hire me!"

[timelvss]

Love Heist

parings: lee taeyong | ft. some nct kids 

genre: criminal!au / romance, angst

warnings: language, gore (mentions of blood) 

word count: 11.4k 

description: and suddenly a switch inside taeyong flipped, that wasn’t your boyfriend anymore but there was no chance you were letting him do this alone.

author’s note: this fic has been in the works since about august of last year, it was meant to be a halloween fic but that didn’t happen..... anyways, i would really appreciate feedback on it, it’s literally my favorite fic i’ve written so far and thank you for waiting for it :( shout out to my pals for reading it and helping me through it 

At the moment you hadn’t thought about how bad things really were until now that you saw the familiar gun laying on the floor across from the coffee table and a couple of bullet shells laying around it. To say the apartment you both were in was a mess was an understatement, there was glass shattered across the floor (from the tiny coffee table that used to stand) and papers scattered all over the floor. Not that it was your own apartment, but it was still a pain to look at the mess that surrounded you. There was multiple questionable stains on your clothes that annoyed you and your body ached of exhaustion but someone had to keep a watch while the other slept. How did it get like this? you mentally asked yourself as your eyes wandered to the man whose head was in your lap. His hair was now a bloody red color instead of the brown one he cared so much for back then. He almost looked peaceful while he slept, his hands were bloodied and you could only remember his smirk across his lips as he pulled the trigger on the stranger in the bathroom. 

  It all began when you met him, the stranger who somehow turned your life around with just a look. He was the boy with the pretty smile and gentle eyes that everyone seemed to love, he always seemed like the kind of guy you’d bring home to your parents. When you met him at the bookstore he was holding an HTML & CSS3 for Dummies that you remember pointing out, while on the other hand you were holding the latest book in the Percy Jackson series. The both of you talked about your picks and were soon exchanging numbers. That’s how it began, simple. 

On the many dates the both of you shared, the two of you learnt plenty of things about the other. For example, Taeyong actually dropped out of MIT in the middle of his senior year just to join the opening of the local paper in their IT position while you on the other hand had barely graduated with an english degree. Despite your degree, you still doubted your whole literature knowledge once you graduated. He also shared his hobbies and interests with you, like how he enjoyed singing and making up raps on his free time to avoid the stress of crashing networks and moving hundreds of files to newer servers. Taeyong was the main IT guy in not just only your local paper but in the ones surrounding your small town, usually this meant that he traveled a lot from city to city.

Soon after meeting Taeyong the local newspaper started printing various articles saying that multiple chain large businesses were losing money by the millions in a matter of minutes every other night. Well, they weren’t exactly losing money, it was more like it was being stolen but no one knew exactly how it was being done besides it being through online transactions. The police was doing everything in its power to track the online transfers that were being done but the hacker of the crimes left little to no clues regarding his identity or location. A few days after the online transfers were posted on the newspaper, they posted a new story that detailed the findings of the money at various places scattered around town and even at the entrance of surrounding towns nearby. The money was always found in balloons that were filled with hundreds of bills stuffed inside them, which could only make you smile. These balloons were found at homeless shelters, orphanages, churches and places that desperately needed money yet no one knew the one who was doing it.

  The unknown transactions were soon discovered at various computer cafes throughout the city, though whoever was doing it left no track of which computer was used even when all of them were thoroughly checked. This only led more papers to mock the city police, its investigators, and for the person doing the robberies to take advantage of the popularity and go to bigger things. While all of this was happening you lived a quiet life and chose to stay out of these sort of things, though listening to the story unfold was kind of a guilty pleasure. When you and Taeyong would meet up at various places, the both of you would talk about the events and how your lives were. 

“You know, this person doing all of this can’t be all bad if they are literally handing out money to the ones in need,” you said as the both of you walked down the street nearing the small cafe on the corner.

“That’s what I think too, they must have a good heart.” You could only nod at Taeyong’s words as you leaned into him to take his hand in yours, smiling up at the man beside you.

  The next time you found yourself with Taeyong, you were laying down beside him on his bed. Your legs were lazily laying on top of his trying to warm up your toes as he read through one of his many computer books. One of his hands was resting on your thigh and his finger kept on tracing shapes on your skin while the other held up the book. The tv played in the background while you scrolled through various apps of social media, humming softly a tune that was stuck in your head. Neither of you were paying attention until the tv beeped with an alarm sound, making the both of you look over at it. Breaking News flashed across the TV and the image quickly shifted towards the anchor and a person on the field.

“Good night, this is N.City News and I am your anchor Moon Taeil. We bring you this breaking news to follow up the recent robberies occurring around town. Today at 1:27 pm, an alarm went off in our main offices with a banner that said, ‘We’re coming soon.’ Nothing of such was discussed with anyone outside our offices but tonight at 12:07am, money started raining from the air vents. We were told we are not the only place where this is happening, here we have our junior in training Huang Renjun to fill you in.”

The image shifted from the regular anchor to a younger man (though he still reminded you of a baby) holding a microphone up while police cars were around the building behind him. Your eyebrows only furrowed at the image trying to figure out what it was, but the blue and red lights were making it a little hard to focus. A small gasp came out of your lips as you looked at the building behind the guy. It was the pet shelter you’d always volunteer for, you remember taking Taeyong there with you and watching him play with the kittens. You found yourself smiling at the thought, but quickly shaking your head and looked back at the screen to keep up with the news.

“-right, Taeil, the money was also pouring out of air vents but in this case it was fixed so it wouldn’t fall on any of the cages. No money was thrown in with the animals yet the offices in the back along with the bathrooms and lobby were all flooded with thousands of one hundred dollar bills. The police are trying to gather as much of the cash as possible before the morning when it opens, but as they keep up picking it up the vents keep on pouring out  more. We have firefighters trying to figure out which pipe in the back it is so no sprinklers will go off.” 

As the Renjun kid finished the image was switched back to the one with Taeil, his hands neatly placed on the desk in front of him. “From what we were told by the authorities this recent heist of this robber was done from various unknown servers across the city causing it to be very difficult to almost impossible to narrow the search down a single one. We will keep you up-” before the achor’s sentence was done, Taeyong flipped the channel leaving you wondering about the rest of the story. 

  Being with Taeyong was something you never intended to happen, it just sort of did. His hand was always in yours and your lips always found their way to his, wanting more of him than what was probably healthy. That’s why it came as no surprise when he finally asked you to move in with him after eight whole months of officially dating and almost a year of just knowing each other. He shared every single one of his secrets with you and you confided in him all of yours. So there you were packing up the last of the boxes of your belongings, brown boxes scattered all over your living room as your best friend Ten helped you pack the mugs out of your kitchen.

“I can’t believe you’re actually moving in with this guy,”

“Ten, we’ve known him for almost two years please, also he’s literally one of your friends,” you gave Ten a look and he only shrugged at your comment before sticking his tongue out at you, continuing to wrap mugs in newspaper. You had introduced Taeyong to Ten after a few weeks of you guys officially dating, mostly because you wanted Ten to stop asking who was making you smile.

“Be nice to me or I’ll break your favorite unicorn mug.”

  Moving in with Taeyong was fairly easy to your surprise, he showed you nothing but love towards you which only made you feel welcomed. Now here three months later, you felt bored out of your mind stuck between the four walls of the empty apartment at almost midnight. It had become a habit of Taeyong’s to go with his friends every other thursday night for drinks and friendly bowling tournaments. He never came home drunk, but there was always a smile on his face when he returned. He also kind of sucked at bowling but you were still very supportive when he told you the stories when the both of you shared dinner. Every now and then you wanted to join your boyfriend on his bowling adventures but you always decided to give him a bit of space.

The following friday it was announced on the news that another robbery was done at the local branch of the bank in the middle of town, it was one of the bigger banks that had been targeted as of yet. By now the media had started calling this person the Robin Hood which only made you smile internally, he was really stealing money from the rich and giving it to the ones in need. His tactic wasn’t the right one but you knew he had good intentions which is why, secretly, you didn’t really want him to get caught. Of course, due to all the money being lost the police were heavy on his tracks, every other day they would do a press conference or maybe publish a comment on how they were getting closer to a lead. It had been published all over that millions of different bills had been written over and they all said, ‘you fools, i wish you luck trying to hunt me down’. Different newspapers published the news and it was also talked about in the evening news. The money was either left inside balloons or it somehow poured through the vents. There was so much money, that you couldn’t see the floor in some of these places, that was the only thing that never changed. 

“Hey love, I’m home,” Taeyong said as he slipped into the tiny apartment, your eyes followed the sound of his voice and noticed him taking off his shoes, “Did you miss me?” a cocky grin spread over Taeyong’s lips as he moved towards you, leaning down to press a kiss to your lips. 

You could only smile, this time he wasn't home as late as he usually was and you could only be thankful, it just meant you had more time with your boyfriend. “I don't know, you barely gave me time to miss you.” Taeyong walked towards the couch and flopped down next to you, stretching out his legs on the coffee table while you tucked your legs under yourself. The book in your lap soon forgotten as Taeyong placed a kiss on your forehead and turned the tv on. 

“Yes, Taeil, from what we were told, the latest heist of this robber was done three nights ago from, again, from various unknown servers across the city. Just like the previous ones, it’s been causing it to be very difficult, nearly impossible, to narrow the search down a single one. For what they have done, it’s been said by the authorities that this heist was of about half a million dollars, their biggest heist as of now. Although, only twenty five thousand have been given out so far to the local animal shelter this morning. In the usual way of balloons being filled with multiple hundred dollar b-” before the reporter’s sentence was done, Taeyong flipped the channel, leaving you wondering about the rest of the story again. 

“How was work?” you asked Taeyong as you let your legs stretch over his lap. Taeyong’s hands moved over your legs, massaging them softly as he turned to face you with a small smile playing on his lips.

“It was fine, Jungwoo was goofing off with the new intern. I think his name is Luke or something like that, I wasn't paying much attention when Doyoung was introducing him to me.” 

The rest of the evening went slow as the both of you shared the rest of your previous activities with each other. From how Yeri sent the wrong email to your boss to how this Luke kid made the printer print five hundred pictures of his cat. You could only smile at the stories Taeyong told you, but soon he was standing up and stretching as he tugged his shirt off in front of you. “I’m going to go shower, I’ll meet you in the bedroom,”

“Sounds good, I’m gonna clean up this mess of papers and I’ll meet you there.” 

  The apartment to begin with was not messy, the both of you always made sure to keep everything tidy. Which was something you picked up from Taeyong early on when you moved in. Not that he was a super clean freak but he liked things to be tidy and clean, which was why the pile of papers on your dining table were burning holes into the back of your head. Bringing the stack of papers with you to the couch, you flipped the channel back to the news which were talking about the weather. While putting the papers in two piles (the keep pile and the trash pile) your eyes caught one with fancy letters. The paper read, ‘you fools, I wish you luck trying to hunt me down’ written over and over again all over the paper in bright colored letters. Your eyes glanced back at the tv which displayed the paper that they had found earlier in the week, the same words plastered on the white piece of paper. 

There was a moment where you could only hear your heartbeat in your ears because there was just no way your loving and caring boyfriend could be doing these robberies all across town. There was just no way it was possible. Taeyong, pulling off a robbery? It was impossible, your boyfriend was too gentle. Shaking your head you folded the paper and hid it under one of the cushions on the sofa, hurrying through the rest of the stack and making your way to the bedroom. Desperately trying to forget about the existence of the paper.

Now, you wouldn’t call yourself a stalker, but after finding that paper there was always a nagging feeling in the back of your mind. Which is why on that same thursday, you found yourself in a rental car following Taeyong’s old Camery down the streets of the city. He had called you earlier to let you know he’d be coming home late since he was meeting up with his friends at the bowling alley. Which he did, only he had left twenty minutes after he had arrived there with a laptop he did not come with under his arm. Your eyebrows furrowed as Taeyong got back into his car and drove away from the bowling alley and towards the small internet cafe near the cafe place the both of you went on your first date. At this location, Taeyong lasted a total of six minutes inside the cafe and walked back outside a small bag in hand and no laptop within sight. 

After driving an hour to the edge of town trying to keep up with Taeyong’s hectic driving, he pulled up to a bank, but by this point he was no longer wearing his usual work clothes. A long black coat that went down to his knees covered most of him, he matched it all with black pants, a black tee, and some expensive looking black dress shoes. Although it wasn’t out of the ordinary for Taeyong to wear all black, it was to see him in slicked hair, he never did that. It was a new look on him and you could only feel a blush creep over your cheeks as your eyes followed the man. There was a black mask that covered half of his face but through the small binoculars you brought, but you could see the small scar on the corner of his eye. 

This Taeyong that walked inside the bank, he had another aura you had not seen on your boyfriend which made you curious and a little scared. Soon enough there was a bright light followed by a bang that made you jump in your seat. There were thoughts flying across your head, making you rub your eyes in frustration. This wasn’t your Taeyong. It just couldn’t be. Your thoughts were broken when you saw Taeyong walk back out of the bank, balloons filled with money in both of his hands and a splatter of red dots across his face. 

When Taeyong returned that night you were already in bed, he leaned over to press a kiss to your cheek and walked into the bathroom to shower. You had never paid much attention to his smell when he came home from his outings but somehow he now reeked of iron and you knew exactly why. Biting down on your lip, you made your way down to the living room, lifting the cushion on the couch your fingers shakily grabbed the paper you had hid days prior. The only difference now was that it was folded in more folds than when you had left it. Weird. Another thing that was different now, though, was instead of the taunting ‘you fools, i wish you luck trying to hunt me down’ it read, ‘you should know better, love’ in black ink right in the middle of the paper, covering all of the colored words. 

“You know, it’s not right to go through someone else’s things without permission, my love,” you heard Taeyong from behind you as you folded the paper back, holding it close to your chest. There was a small twinge of fear crawling up your chest but there was also another feeling that you couldn’t explain. There was something else that made your stomach flutter. You could only let out the breath you had been holding before turning to face your boyfriend. “I guess, it could be counted as an illegal activity,”

“Taeyo-”

“No, you don’t get to talk. You almost ruined the heist, thank god Mark saw you at the car rental place. We can’t let you ruin what we started, it’s gone too far and we need to finish this once and for all. Now, if you want to leave, I can’t say it won’t hurt but as long as you keep your pretty mouth shut you’ll be fine. Otherwise, I’ll be your nightmare, you know,” Taeyong shrugged as if he wasn’t just threatening your life, more as if he had just told you to wash the dishes or something. 

“I don’t,” you said but quickly shut your mouth trying to think of how to phrase the next sentence you were trying to say in your head, “I don’t want to leave,”

A small flash of something flashed over Taeyong’s eyes, you didn’t know if it was hope or maybe something darker hidden behind his brown eyes. You weren’t paying much attention to what he was wearing, but in the corner of your eye you saw that in his left hand he was holding a black gun with silver letters engraved on the side. A shiver ran down your spine but you couldn’t avoid the small feeling of excitement that bubbled inside of you as Taeyong brought the gun to the middle of your chest, “You saw what I did, why do you still want to stay?” 

“Because,” you swallowed the small lump in your throat as you began to move closer towards Taeyong. The gun still between the both of you, opening your mouth and softly whispering only loud enough for him to hear you, “I love you,”

There was a small pause between the both of you and then Taeyong moved the gun under your chin, the cool metal feeling cold against your skin. The gun’s muzzle dug into your chin as Taeyong tilted your head up so you could meet his dark eyes “Ah, you love me,”

“Taeyo-“

Before you could let out another word you felt Taeyong’s soft lips over yours, there was something else that wasn’t there before last time you kissed him. A small groan slipped past your lips as you pushed Taeyong up to the wall nearest to you, your lips still attached to each other’s. There was a smirk playing on Taeyong’s lips as he pulled back only turn you over, one of his hands grabbing both of yours and pinning them up above your head. With a slight chuckle Taeyong brought the gun back up to your face, the exposed barrel on it stroking your cheek softly, “Ah, my stupid little girl, I love you,” 

“Tae, please listen, I know what you’re doing is not the right thing but I promise you I’m not here to rat you out. I don’t know why you’re doing this but you’re giving money to the poor, you’re helping some people at least so I’m not mad. I just, I wanted the truth,”

“We’ll see.”

  After the talk the both of you shared, Taeyong no longer hid this other part of his life with you. On the contrary, he seemed to be more at peace, leaving his ammunition on the coffee table and many other guns in plain sight over the counter. There was also more of those all black outfits he wore in his closet, but all of them were spotless clean and they even smelled like his after shave. There was a small part of you that wanted to know what he did when he was gone with his friends on his outings, but there was just no way you could ask. Your thoughts were disturbed when a knocking on the door caught you off guard. Sighing you walked towards the door and opened it to find a boy with dark black hair standing there with a slanted smile over his lips.

“Hey, is Taeyong in?” The boy across from you asked as he waved at you and then shoved his hands inside his pockets, you looked at him and then back towards the hallway.

“Yeah, he was just finishing up some work from the newspaper but he is in his office,” you said moving out of the way for the boy in front of you to go down the hallway towards his office. 

“Thanks, by the way, my name is Mark.” 

Your eyes followed the new boy into your house, there was something familiar about the boy walking down the hallway. Thinking back to the previous dates that you and Taeyong shared, you vaguely remembered this Mark boy calling Taeyong in the middle of dinner. Making your way back to your bedroom, you remembered a couple of more people that were in Taeyong’s small friend group. There was a guy with pink hair that reminded you of cherry blossoms, another man who spoke Japanese on the phone while you visited Taeyong in his office. There was also another man who looked a bit older than Taeyong who spoke mandarin on the phone while you were dropping off lunch to Taeyong in his office. All of these guys worked with Taeyong at the newspaper office on a regular basis so you never gave it much thought besides them being his friends.

“Yo, TY,” you heard Mark say as he walked inside Taeyong’s office, you were trying not to eavesdrop on their conversation but his office was right on the other side your bedroom.

Through the wall you heard Taeyong sigh, you could already see him rubbing his temples, “Lee, what are you doing here? I told you not to bring business to my house,”

“Listen dude, I know the boundaries but this new heist we’re pulling needs more planning than what we have so far. This is the biggest one we’re about to do so far and we need to clear out some technical issues that we might have with the program. Kun has been trying to smooth out any bugs and Yuta has been trying to find armory within our sellers in Japan in case of an emergency. Jae has been keeping tabs on all the security around the SM building in case we have to bail and run,” 

“First of all, Mark, we’re not going to bail and run. Second, this has to work out because they have to go down, you know all the mess they made cost the city and everyone who got left behind. Third, after this one we’re moving towns anyways so it doesn’t matter. You, me, Y/N and everybody else so we leave no trace. Remember that we all stick together no matter what.” You could almost picture Taeyong’s frustrated face as he finished his sentence. There was a feeling inside your chest from the end of Taeyong’s speech. Was Taeyong really going to take you with him no matter what? You had already told him that you weren’t going to tell the authorities regardless if you stayed with him or not, but apparently that didn’t matter. 

“You’re taking Y/N? But man, what if she doesn’t want to go. Are we still taking her no matter what?” at the end of this question you heard another emotion in Mark’s words, something along the lines of empathy for you regardless if he knew you or not.

“She knows too much at this point for us to consider it being an option, she’s coming whether she wants to or not.” When Taeyong finished talking, you couldn’t bear to hear any more of what came out of his mouth, there was just no point to it. That wasn’t the boy you started dating yet, regardless, you still loved him. 

  After meeting Mark, the rest of Taeyong’s friends found their way to your house whenever they had a question about a certain topic that could not be named. You quickly learnt their names and faces and what they provided for Taeyong. For example, Yuta was head of armory and he consisted in getting all of the guns and rifles they needed for whatever reason. On the other hand, Mark was kind of all over the place, he was pretty much Taeyong’s assistant. Second in hand if you please. Jaehyun was in charge of investigating all of the places they were taking down one by one, looking at them for weeks on end in order to know all of their patterns so none of the heists would go down hill. Kun, was some sort of a computer genius who dropped out of high school for some unknown reason they wouldn’t tell you why yet. You barely talked to any of the boys, only when they spoke to you first and it was basically for a hello or can I have something out of the fridge? kind of situation. Last but not least there was Taeyong, he was the leader of all these operations and, for some reason, he hated SM with all his heart.

The more you thought of it, you didn’t really know much about Taeyong besides his current status. He never talked about his family like you did. He knew that your mom and dad lived in the country, pretty much living on the farm most of their life. You pretty much broke their heart when you moved to the city to start something new. Sighing, you glanced towards the front door where Taeyong was just walking in with a new laptop under his arm. 

“Hey love,” 

“Hi,” The relationship you both had been a little jagged since you found out about his nightly routines. It wasn’t that you were extremely pissed off, you just wanted to know the truth instead of being hidden in the dark.

“Y/N, I know our relationship has been suffering for the past couple of weeks since you found out about everything, and I’d like to say I’m sorry for that. I never meant to take you into my mess but now that you’re part of it, you’re going to have to run with us,” he stopped talking for a quick second taking, in your reaction and softly sighing when he saw you tense up, “So for the next week you’re going to be training with Yuta on how to hold and shoot a gun properly. I can’t have you not knowing what to do in case of an emergency or if something happens to me in this new heist.”

The thought of Taeyong not coming back to you was one of the scariest things you had ever thought about. There was a feeling of worry at the pit of your stomach that only made you want to puke. Sighing to yourself, you looked back at the man in front of you, nodding at his words. 

“If there is no other choice, I guess I’ll have to do it,” you said as your arms crossed over your chest, meanwhile all Taeyong could do is give you a sigh. 

“I don’t want you to have to look at it from that point of view, I’m only doing what’s better for your safety,” he replied to you, dropping his keys in the small bowl in the coffee table in front of you. 

You could only roll your eyes at his words as he sat down next to you on the couch. Keeping your eyes focused on the tv as you spoke, “Well, if you were not doing all of this we wouldn’t have to be there in the first place,”

From the corner of your eyes you saw Taeyong clench his jaw shut, his lips turning into a thin line before he talking to you once again, “You have no idea all the pain that they’ve cost me, it was only a matter of time before somebody did something about all of their crimes. Only somehow I ended up being the first one to man up and do something about it.”

“Then explain to me, what did they do so bad that you have to do all these things including killing people?” 

“I didn’t kill anyone, I have just hurt them a little or...” Taeyong only struggled when you finish the sentence. It only reminded you of one of the previous conversations you’ve  both shared, much like when he first told you when you found out.

“That’s not the point Taeyong, all I want to know is why you’re doing all of this? Why are you getting your hands bloodied in this mess?”

“Because it cost me everything that my family had, for the same reason that my sister passed away three years ago due to the fact that I could not provide enough money to keep her alive. The fact that my dad lost his business when he decided to join in partnership with SM and them stealing from right under his nose without him knowing. All of that and we were not the only family that they’ve done this to. With Jaehyun, his mom passed away five years ago to some cancer from working at the factory SM ran in their town. Yuta had to travel all the way here to hunt them down when they destroyed his town when some chemicals leaked into the water system. All of us have something we want justice for, this is not for nothing.” With that, Taeyong walked away from you and towards the bedroom not saying another word to you or even sparing you a second glance.

  After this new argument you had with Taeyong, you couldn’t help but to feel guilty about everything he had just said to you. The truth is, you wanted to know everything but so far you knew enough to know where he was coming from. You knew Taeyong was not the hard, stone cold person he appeared to be, he was soft and very sentimental inside. That was the man that you had fallen in love with and still loved regardless of his actions now. 

Walking from the living room back to the kitchen, your eyes widened at the figure standing in front of your fridge. There was Mark, rummaging through the fridge looking for something to eat. “Jesus, Mark, could you at least make yourself noticeable when you’re in the house?”

“Well, I heard you and Taeyong arguing again and I didn’t want to disturb you two in the middle of it. I didn’t want to be that person,” Mark said as he took a bite of the apple in his left hand. Shrugging, he walked over towards you and jumped up to sit on the counter, looking back at you as he leaned his head back on the cabinets behind his head. “Listen, I know it’s none of my business but you should really cut the guy some slack. He’s not a bad person, it's just the way his whole life changed from one day to the next that made him the way he is. You probably don’t believe me but I’ve known him for a while now, I used to live next-door to him and his sister used to babysit me. I know way more than I should probably know about him and it’s not my place to tell you what happened but he is kind of traumatized,”

With your shoulders slumped, you sighed as Mark finished his sentence. After all Taeyong had just told you part of the reason why he was doing these things. The only thing is, you wanted to know the whole thing not just part and you needed Taeyong to tell that to you, “I just want the truth Mark, I don’t want anymore secrets. If I’m in this for a while now, I want to know everything. I don’t want anything to be hidden from me anymore,”

“He didn’t tell you the details yet but he told you the most important stuff and that’s all you need to know. At this point, the less you know the better, trust me, he’s doing it for your own safety.” With that, Mark jumped off the counter and walked down the hallway towards Taeyong’s office, closing the door after him. 

  Walking back towards your shared bedroom with Taeyong, you found him going over some papers in his lap, his glasses riding on the bridge of his nose as he glanced over towards you. He said nothing but went back to the piles of papers scattered on the bed, there were different sticky notes on each pile and you couldn’t help but smile. “Give me a few minutes to get this sorted and then we can go to bed,”

“That’s fine, but uh, I actually wanted to apologize,” you said after letting out an awkward cough from the back of your throat. Taeyong’s eyes flew up to meet yours, there was a small twinkle you had almost forgotten was there, “Mark said some stuff to me and I know he’s right, I just don’t like to admit things to myself sometimes and I’m sorry,”

A small sigh slipped past his lips as he set down the papers in his hands, getting up from the bed and walking over towards you. His hands found their way to their spot on your hips as you leaned more into him unconsciously, “My love, as much as you frustrate me to the point where I want to put a gun up to your chest, again, I’d rather die than to be here without you. I know you want to know many things about this but I also don’t want to put you in danger due to your knowledge,”

“I know that, but I also want you to know whenever you finally want to talk about it, that I'm here with my ears wide open to listen,” you nodded as you finished your sentence, glancing back up to the man in front of you.

A small smile spread over Taeyong’s lips as he nodded along with you, his hands moving from the spot on your hips to hold your face in his hands. His fingers moving over your cheeks as he leaned in to press a soft kiss to your lips before speaking again, “Do you know how much I love you?”

“I might need a refresher actually,” you answered while your own lips tugged into a smile, moving your hands around his neck. It had been a bit too long since you and Taeyong had shared a moment like this but suddenly the feeling hit you, this was home. He was your home. 

“I love you.”

“I love you more.” 

  After a long training session with Yuta, you let yourself flop down on the couch next to Taeyong who was busy typing away on the keyboard in front of him. Jaehyun and Kun were busy in Taeyong’s office trying to contact some server in Russia to avoid leaving any traces behind on this new heist. There were plenty of guns laid out on the dining table and by now, you knew how to disassemble each and every single one of them and put them back together. Being part of this was not too bad but the work on your body was exhausting, Taeyong told you to quit your job due to the fact that all of you were leaving after this was over which was exactly what you did. Taeyong’s hand reached over to yours, your palm was now covered in calluses which made him frown and traced over the harsh marks on your soft skin. 

“New ones?”

Shaking your head, you could only turn to look at him, hair sticking to your forehead from the sweat, “I don’t think so, the old ones just burst when Yuta went to train me over hidden knives and gu-”

“Jesus, Yuta! I told you basics for crying out loud, not the entire thing. At least not yet, couldn’t you have waited until we were out of here?” Groaning, Taeyong let his laptop fall shut and he walked over towards the dining room where Yuta was cleaning out the nuzzle in one of the rifles. “What the hell happened to basics?”

You could only picture Yuta rolling his eyes at Taeyong as you followed behind, “A hidden knife could be the difference between her being alive or dead in a matter of seconds TY,” There was something else in Taeyong’s eyes when he starred directly at the man sitting down in front of him, “Plus, you need to chill. You’ve been a pain in everyone’s ass lately, we know what we’re doing remember?” 

By the end of Yuta’s sentence you only wanted to sigh but instead you took Taeyong’s hand, you lead him back to your bedroom. Giving him a small smile as he sat down on the mattress in the middle of the floor. There were boxes surrounding the both of you from the move but you couldn’t bring yourself to care enough to continue packing the remaining of your belongings while Taeyong was like this. Clothes were still in your closet and there was plenty of books scattered on the floor that went from computer science to kamasutra positions. That was a book which you were shy to show to Taeyong when the both of you started getting too comfortable in the routine. A blush covered you cheeks at the memory of it but your thoughts were soon broken apart by Taeyong who was tugging on your shirt. 

“Have I really been an asshole lately?” he asked in a small voice as he looked up at you, this look on him always reminded you of a baby kitten which only made your insides melt.

“A little, but we all know you’re on the edge lately so we let it slide.” you replied as you sat down next to him, taking his hand in yours and giving it a small squeeze. You knew it wasn’t much but he needed the reassurance in every way possible and you were there to give it to him even if you didn’t think it was such a good idea.

“It’ll all be over soon, just think of it that way.” The way he said it only made the hairs on your arms stand up and your insides feel like they were being turned inside out, but you could only nod and put on a brave face. 

  You had never seen Taeyong get himself ready for one of his missions but seeing him turn from your adorable boyfriend to this emotionless human was something you would never forget. As he traded in his usual skinny jeans for some pants that looked as if they were a mix between sweatpants and cargo pants you noticed the twinkle in his eyes start to shut down. There was no sign of remorse in his eyes and the thought of Taeyong being this person scared you a little bit, not that you would ever tell anyone but that made you aware of every single move he made. There were knives and guns hidden throughout his body in case of any emergencies, while he was still going to be carrying a gun on each of his hands. The long black trench coat you had seen before was on his shoulders once again and this time there was a black turtleneck sweater that covered his torso up to his neck. There was also a skin tight bullet proof vest underneath but it was barely visible under the sweater. His black dress shoes were traded in for black military boots as he walked towards you, handing you your own black outfit. There was something in his eyes when his eyes met yours that reminded you of the old Taeyong but that was quickly gone as he turned to look at the rest of the guys who were already dressed in black. You could only nod as you let them talk, Taeyong giving them a brief pep talk to lead them into this. Biting down on your lip, you walked out of the office and towards your now empty room to change. 

The outfit Taeyong had given you was nothing out of the ordinary, black cargo sweatpants like his, a black tshirt, the vest that was meant to go under your shirt, and a black bomber that was similar to Mark’s. Getting dressed was the easy part but as you tied the military boots you realized how this was about to go down, you were about to go rob a fucking company for crying out loud. Looking back at the mirror, you grabbed your matching face mask and turned towards Taeyong who was standing in the door, no face mask but instead a black bandana covering half of his face. 

“I never thought you’d look this good in this outfit,” he let out a small chuckle as he took your hand, bringing it up to his face and giving it a kiss through the cloth. “Ready to go, princess?” 

Making your way down to the middle of town and through the streets that you used to call home, you were now sealing your ticket deal out of there with no chance of return. You took a look at the people around you, Taeyong who was on the driver’s seat with Mark on his right talking to him about some new video game he had found. Kun and Jaehyun were talking about the security on the bank while Yuta was putting ammo into the guns they were bringing in. Sighing to yourself, you looked down at your hands and thought about everything that was about to happen. 

“Remember, you are only to come out of the van in case of emergencies but there will be none. Is that understood?” Taeyong said as he sat right in front of you as you tied your shoe laces on the combat boots on your feet. “You are to have a gun and a knife on you at all times, even when we walk out of this place. You are to wear the chip in your ear for us to make contact if we get separated and for either of us to know your location,”

“Tae, I got it, don’t worry. We’ll be fine,”

“You don’t get it, you’re everything I need and I’m putting you on the line here. Honestly, I’d be nothing without you and I can’t lose you,”

The memory floated on your mind as the car parked about two blocks away from the bank, Taeyong turning to look at all of you while he pulled the bandana back over his face. All of them nodded to each other before Taeyong turned to look at you, there was a soft look in his eyes as he pointed to his mask telling you to put yours on. After the cloth was over your face Taeyong, Mark, Jaehyun, and Yuta made their way outside. They all walked different ways while Jaehyun ran towards the nearest building climbing up the escape stairs and up towards the roof. Kun stayed back with you in order to use the computer to retrieve all the wired money.

“Don’t worry, they’ll be fine.” Kun said as you looked through the window at the man walking away from you. You could only nod as Taeyong walked towards the building, his mask covering half of his face but the scar at the corner of his eye was there. His hands were tucked inside the pockets of his coat, he looked powerful as he took long strides into the building. 

It must have been at least ten minutes before you heard two gunshots making the hair on your arms stand up. Your eyes could only look between Kun and the building where the rest of the boys were. There was a beeping on one of the many screens and Kun quickly pressed the bluetooth in his ear, “Jaehyun! Listen, you can’t just ru- no, get Yuta to help! Taeyong said she was not to get involved!” as the last words came out of Kun’s mouth you were already getting out of the van, only for his hand to reach back to you. “Goddammit Y/N, you can’t go,”

“Kun, let me go, I can help!” you tugged your arm back from his grip only to see him groan and let you go. His hand pushing his hair back from his face and shaking his head, a sigh escaping his lips as he turned towards the screen. 

“Listen, go help them get Mark out and I’ll pull up the van in the front. Most of the money is already wired anyways.” 

  Nodding, you took off running towards the building, the cool breeze felt refreshing against your clothed skin. There was an adrenaline rush entering your bloodstream as you made your way up the steps, fixing your hair before pulling the door open. There were two police men holding guns towards Taeyong who was in front of a wounded Mark who was holding his side, a pool of red was starting to spread under him. Oh fuck. Everyone’s eyes were suddenly on you as your feet kicked some glass away from your path. Taeyong’s eyes narrowed at you making you only nod as your hands glided along your sides pulling out two of the many hidden knives on you. 

The only thing you could think of was of how Yuta had taught you to throw weeks prior to this. Your eyes focused on the two men in blue who stood in front of you before the knives made their way out of your grip. They landed on the strip of skin visible between their ironed shirts and their chin as small drops of dark red blood slowly dribbled out, soon becoming a steady stream of red liquid. Your eyes flickered between Taeyong and the gasping men in front of him that reached for him with bloody hands. Panic settled at the pit of your stomach as you realized what you had done, your hands were soon trying to take off the mask that seemed to take away the oxygen from your lungs.

“Yong!” you heard Yuta’s voice from somewhere behind you. Soon enough Taeyong was in front of you, pushing your hands away from your face and fixing the mask back. Your eyes went from Taeyong’s form in front of you to where Jaehyun was getting Mark up with the help of Yuta, leaving a trail of red as they walked towards the doors. It had only been a couple of seconds but you could hear the police sirens starting to near, that was when you felt a tug on your arm.

“Listen darling, I love you but, we gotta go. Now.” 

Time felt like as if it were dragging as you slowly walked with Taeyong towards the doors, as you started shaking your head trying to get out of the daze you were still in. Taeyong’s hand was in yours and giving it a comforting squeeze, meanwhile you walked a bit faster to keep up with him as the both of you made it out. Jaehyun and Yuta were now getting into the van as various police cars started pulling up closer to the building. Taeyong pressed the small bluetooth chip in his ear and started speaking as bright red lights started getting closer, “You guys have to go, get Mark patched up. Me and Y/N will find a way to meet you guys, just go.” 

From the small chip in your ear you heard Jaehyun scoffing, “As if, run. We can still get away,” Taeyong shook his head and flicked his finger towards the nearest empty street, you could barely see but Kun only nodded and started driving off. There was more arguing from the bluetooth but you knew Kun wasn’t going to stop, “Fuck Taeyong, you better keep yourself alive.”

The next thing you saw was Taeyong pulling out the small device and stepping on it, you copied his actions and did the same with yours. The police was now less than fifty feet away from the both of you which is when he finally turned to you, “We gotta run, see that silver car? You are to get in as soon as I get it unlocked,”

“Got it.” The both of you ran as shouts from the police started coming in, you could only swallow the lump in your throat as your legs moved the fastest they had in awhile. Taeyong was a couple of steps in front of you, his hand digging inside his pockets and finally pulling out his favorite gun. As Taeyong stopped at the driver’s side of the car, the butt of the gun met the window, shattering the glass in many little pieces. His hand went to unlock the doors which only made you get in as soon as you could only, this was when bullets started making sounds against the metal. 

“Fuck.” You heard Taeyong mutter as he started working on some cables from under the steering wheel. Peaking your head back towards the window, your eyes locked on a few officers that were slowly moving around the car with their guns aimed at the both of you. 

“Tae, you gotta move a little faster please,” you whispered as you grabbed one of the guns that was strapped against your thigh, biting down on your lip as your fingers found their way towards the hammer. Tugging on it back before you made yourself aim towards the people coming towards you. The police were less than ten feet away, crowding around the car as the engine finally roared to life. A shaky breath escaping from your lips as relief washed over you, turning to look at Taeyong who was busy driving away from the scene. “Oh, thank god.”

“As long as you got me, we’ll find a way out.” Taeyong said as he reached over to take your hand in his. His hand was a little rough from earlier and there was blood caked under his nails but you didn’t seem to care anymore. You were part of his world and you had to learn to accept it. Though there was still a nagging feeling eating you alive, but you chose not to pay attention to that. 

  The both of you had been on the road for two hours, the radio kept going in and out about the robbery. Of course, the police were still trying to locate the car the both of you were escaping in so there was still something to worry about. Rubbing your eyes, you could only sigh and look out the window, but your eyebrows soon furrowed when you turned into an apartment complex you hadn’t recognized. Looking around, you tried to locate yourself before turning to Taeyong who was pulling up the mask once again to cover his face.

“Stay here, look at that window on the corner. When you see me turn on the light you can come in,” he stated as he pulled the silencer on his gun and carefully put it on the barrel. You could only nod as the gun was put back into his coat and he made his way out of the car, walking up the stairs into the second floor. A couple of minutes passed by before there was a small bang that sounded barely audible from where you were and then a few seconds later the light was turned on. You brought your hand to your hair, pulling off the hair tie and letting your hair fall down your shoulders as if to cover your face as you walked into the night sky. 

Your feet moved one in front of the other as you made your way up the stairs and into the apartment whose door was slightly opened. Walking inside, you took a look at your surroundings, taking notice of the papers that were scattered on the floor, reminding you of how you and Taeyong would sit down and organize the ones back home. A few shells from bullets were laying on top of the white sheets of paper and a streak of red was now leading from the living room towards the bathroom. Taeyong walked out of the bathroom with a few dots of red covering the side of his face, his bandana hung around his neck as he approached you. In one hand, he was holding a box of home hair dye and in the other was his gun with specks of blood on the silencer drying down. “How good are you with hair dye?” 

  It had only been a couple of hours, Taeyong’s head resting on your lap while he slept and you kept a look out until midnight. His bright red hair stood out against his black outfit that had multiple darker spots that you knew were not hair dye. In the pit of your stomach, you still felt a little weird about the whole situation, but now you prefered to know less. It had been your first time and somehow you ended up with a body count that only floated in the back of your mind when everything was silent. 

“So now what?” you asked Taeyong as you flopped down on the couch across from him as he walked behind you, a towel in his hair as he dried it down. The towel stained in a bright red that you didn’t know if it was blood or if it was dye. 

“We rest, we take off at midnight. We should be able to arrive at the safe house in the morning where the rest of the guys should be waiting for us,” Taeyong replied as he sat down next to you.

Sighing, you turned and grabbed the towel from his hands, helping him dry off his wet hair, “And then? Are we just going to start over?” 

“I mean, I guess we can, we could keep running this for the rest of our lives. We’re pretty much invencible,” there was a small chuckle that followed his comment as he finished. There was also a small glimmer in the corner of his eye that you caught and it only made the pit in your stomach grow. “Then again, we could find jobs and play nice,”

“You like this don’t you?”

“Y/N, that’s n-”

“But it is Yong, you like this life. I can see it and I’m sure the guys saw it too, I’ve never seen you so passionate about another project in your life since this. Yeah, it’s terrifying but I’m going to be there with you all the way.”

The memory of the earlier moment had you still a bit shaken up, you had pretty much signed a deal to be with him ride or die. Swallowing the lump in your throat, you looked down at the man in your lap, if you wanted to end this you could. You were still carrying the rest of your weapons on your body and you were fairly certain on how each of them were supposed to be used. The idea of ending it all here and turning everybody in felt foreign to your mind but it still kept floating around. 

You were busy looking outside the window when you heard the door knob start to jiggle, the boy on your lap quickly getting up from his position. Furrowing your eyebrows, you looked at Taeyong who had a smirk on his lips, his expression changed the moment he turned to you and looked down the hallway. He pointed towards the last door before the bathroom, you could only nod as he picked up the gun from the floor and made his way behind the front door. You moved inside the empty bedroom and looked around, there was an array of photos on the walls along with awards on one of the bookshelves. To OH SEHUN, from SM ENT. one of the awards read as you glanced through the bookshelf. 

The photos showed three men, two of them were obviously younger which only made you assume they were investors of this SM ENT. Your hand reached out to grab one of the photos that was on the wall, there was a third guy who seemed shorter than either of them. The sound of footsteps caught you off guard as you quickly pulled your hand back and ignored the photo behind you. 

“Taeyong, dude, we can talk about it seriously,” the stranger pleaded as he walked back towards the bathroom. You leaned to peek between the door and the wall, the gun was aimed at the stranger’s head as he slowly backed up into the sink. There was something familiar about this guy that you couldn't help but notice, “C’mon, put that down, we can talk,”

“There’s nothing to talk about, you and Chanyeol ran with my idea and then pretended it was yours just to make money off of it. You knew I need that money more than you and your rich family, and because of you she’s dead!” Taeyong exclaimed as he pushed the taller man towards the tub, the mirror reflecting the side of his face, giving you a clear sight of Taeyong.

The taller man was taken aback by Taeyong’s words that he hadn’t even noticed the other man who was already in the tub, his body already cold. “Wait, no Bokyoung can’t be dead. Taeyong, stop playing, you can’t be serious!”

“You killed her, Sehun.” The voice that came out of Taeyong was emotionless and it sort of reminded you of a robot as he pulled on the hammer of the gun, his aim never leaving the man in front of him.

“Taeyong, I had no idea, please.” The taller man was pretty much begging at this point and from what you could see there was no way Taeyong was going to let him go. 

Bringing the gun up to the stranger’s forehead, Taeyong tilted his head to the side as he spoke, “Thank god that you won’t see her where you’re going.”

“Taey-” whatever the man was going to say was cut short with a silent bang that rang through your ears as your eyes looked through the mirror back at Taeyong. The smirk that appeared earlier was now plastered across his face once again. A cold chill made its way down your back as you moved away from the door, backing away until your body knocked into the bookshelf. Turning your head to the side, you looked at the picture once again, the men who were now laying in the bathtub were in that picture along with Taeyong.

  “Who were they?” you asked Taeyong as you got into the newest car which was kind of taken from the two dead men in the tub. Is not like they’re going to ask for it back, you mentally thought to yourself as you looked over at the man next to you who was pulling out of the parking lot.

“They were nobody’s until I came along with all the brains,” he replied in a cold tone as his fingers tightened around the wheel. His knuckles almost turning a pinky white before he sighed and turned to look at you for a brief second. “They were the reason Bokyoung died, I was on the team with them and we were supposed to turn in our idea for a multi wall protection with zero traceable coding behind. The day of the presentation, I was let go by SM, they told me they didn’t need my ideas anymore. Of course, I was upset but then from one of the leaders, I found out they had picked Chanyeol and Sehun’s idea. My idea. I tried to reach all of them but I got no replies, no answers so I decided to wait.” 

Taeyong only shrugged as he finished his sentence and relaxed back against the chair, his hand reaching over to take yours in his. “How long have you been keeping tabs on them?”

“Ever since I went to my bowling outings, Kun is a lot more into this than me. He was the one who taught me how to trace them without leaving a sign behind. To hack into CCTV’s to see where they’d be going, track cell phone records, all of those things.” His hand felt warm against yours as you stared at the road ahead of you, his thumb tracing soothing circles over your knuckles. Nodding, you decided against asking more questions about the situation, it was obvious Taeyong had eyes and ears everywhere. In the back of your mind, you could only think of what would’ve happened if you had stayed behind, your every move would’ve been watched by him no doubt. 

Moonlight came through the sunroof, shining over the rings across Taeyong’s fingers as his fingers laced into yours. At this point, the clock on the dashboard read 3:15 am and you were coming in and out of consciousness, sleep finally taking its toll on you. There was a feeling of protection when Taeyong did small things like hold your hand that made your heart skip a beat. Closing your eyes, you finally let sleep wash over you, Taeyong’s distant humming lulling you to sleep.

  It had been less than an hour before you felt Taeyong shake your leg, making you groan as your eyes once again adjusted to the darkness. There was a sound of sirens in the background that reminded you of white noise, but sleep was still heavy on you and you weren’t fully functional yet. “Baby, c’mon you gotta wake up,” Taeyong’s voice was a bit strained as he kept one of his hands on the wheel while the other kept shaking your leg to wake you up. 

“What’s going on?” you groaned out as your hands stretched over your head, blinking a few times before turning to him. There was a serious look on his face as his eyes shifted between the mirrors and the road in front of him. 

“We might have a little company.” He said as he reached over and pulled out his gun, setting it on your lap. Your breath hitched, knowing what he was asking, you could only nod as you began to reload the magazine. 

“Fuck.”

Beginning to slowly sit up, the sunroof above the both of you slowly opened up, revealing the twinkling stars above the both of you. Your body fit smoothly between the small rectangle and you could see that behind you there were about three police cars chasing the car. “Stop the car!” one of the speakers from the cars boomed through the night. Adrenaline rushed through your body as your body turned to face the incoming cop cars behind you. Bringing the gun up, your hand pulled the hammer on the top, aiming at the police car and quickly shooting four bullets out. A loud boom and a hiss from the car coming to a halt suddenly was heard through the empty highway. The police car behind the both of you screeched and stopped, covering the road and the other cars stop behind it abruptly. 

As soon as they stopped, officers ran out of their cars, shooting various bullets your way and making Taeyong yank your leg down. It was barely enough time as bullets buzzed over the roof of the car. Meanwhile Taeyong could only press on the gas, the needle on the dashboard hitting close to a hundred as you both escaped the scene. “That’s my girl!” 

There was a grin on your lips as you leaned over to press a kiss down to his cheek, fixing yourself back into your seat, “That was kind of exciting.” Your eyes turned to look back at Taeyong who had a smile plastered on his lips. 

As you reached for his hand, you noticed Taeyong’s smile fade into a blank face and you could only look at him in confusion. That was until you looked ahead, there was about a dozen police cars surrounding the car and there was no way to drive out of. 

“Lee Taeyong! Y/L/N Y/N! Come out with your hands up!”

Your eyes looked back at Taeyong who stopped the car about twenty feet from the other cars, his breathing was calmed as he turned to look at you, “You know I love you, right? That you’re the best thing that could’ve happened to me in my twenty four years of living in this miserable Earth. That you’re the love of my life and I’m just sorry I couldn’t give you a better life, a life outside of this and I’m so sorry I dragged you into this,”

“Lee Taeyong, I could’ve left you back there at that stupid building to die yet I killed two people for you. If that doesn’t show how devoted I am to you then what does?” There was a brief moment where he could only chuckle and stare at you. The police was still screaming from outside the car, but at that moment it was just you and him, nothing else. 

“You trust me, correct?”

“With my life.” 

That was all he needed to know, within seconds the car was picking up speed as it reached the people and cars in front of you. The car colliding with everything in its path, Taeyong’s hand in yours as your world turned into utter darkness.

[deartaylorloveannissa]

September 3rd, 2020

Dear Taylor,

My boyfriend Wesley and I have been together for about a year and five months now. It has been wonderful! I think we’re so great together. But there’s something that hasn’t happened between us that will occasionally weigh on my mind and heart..... he hasn’t told me that he loves me yet....

It’s funny because when we first met (on a dating app) he wanted to meet right away but dating apps are scary and I wasn’t comfortable with that. So we started by talking on the phone. Our phone conversations would last hours and hours and we would talk most every day. Then he was begging me to at least FaceTime and I was so nervous because I’m very insecure about my appearance so I put it off as long as I could. But then we did and like our phone calls, it was amazing and lasted hours. Then after about 3 weeks from our first message, we finally went on a date. He was so patient and so wonderful to do that. To understand my uneasiness and wait for me. He even makes fun of me now cause he said he hates waiting that long but it was worth it for me. Then after about a month of dates and hanging out every weekend, he asked me to be his girlfriend. I wasn’t ready to say yes. I had never had a boyfriend before, I truly thought it wouldn’t happen for me and while I loved spending time with him, I was still a little hesitant about him. And he understood that so we kept doing what we were doing. Then probably more than a month later I finally asked him to be my boyfriend and obviously he said yes and were official. He was always the forward one, always the one to jump right into things. I even remember thinking that he would say “the L word” way before I was ready, just considering our entire history of how we became official. Well, I was wrong. So wrong.

After our 6th month anniversary, I started to realize that I did love him and I was freaking out about it. I didn’t know what to with that information. I wanted to say something but I felt like I needed him to say it first. I even did ridiculous internet research about when people in relationships typically say it and who says it and feels it first. Usually, it’s around the 3 month mark and it’s the guy who feels and says it first. I also read that it’s important for the guy to say it first. Not because he’s the guy and that’s “tradition” but also because it means more to the girl if he does. And the girl saying it first could potentially ruin a very special moment for her. So I tried to wait because it couldn’t be that long right? Well one weekend, I was in a funk. I couldn’t get myself to be happy. And then I found an old notebook of his from college that he said I could look through. And in the back of it, I found all of these sad love quotes. There were so many of them and when I read them all, my heart shattered and I just started crying. They were so sad and so passionate. I couldn’t help but think that he wrote them thinking of someone in particular and I just couldn’t imagine him feeling that way about me. He’s not the most lovey-dovey in his feelings kind of person at all. Even though he’s goofy and fun, he has a very stoic personality as well and just doesn’t really get affected emotionally by a lot of things. So it hurt to think that he potentially was emotional about someone else. That night, he went to bed and I stayed up and just re-read all of them and cried four hours. It really hurt. The next day, I was in the worst mood and he kept asking me why and I just couldn’t give him an answer because again, I didn’t want to force anything out of him. But I eventually just had to tell him what was bothering me. I told him that I loved him and that I thought he didn’t feel the same way. And he said I was right. And girl, I can’t even tell you how much that hurt. I instantly started crying. I don’t know if I’ve ever felt so bad. But he told me the reason was because he had never felt that way about anyone outside of his family and he just doesn’t know what that feels like. But he’s had previous long-term relationships with other women so when I asked about them, he confessed that he did tell some of them that he loved them but that he didn’t mean it. He might’ve thought he meant it at the time but looking back, he didn’t and felt obligated. So then I brought up the notebook and those quotes and he said that after college, he was seeing someone for a short time that he really liked but she betrayed him somehow ()2 was also being jobless) and wrote those quotes down because it was just a hard time in his life. He assured me that it wasn’t because he was in love with her but that he was just sad. And I believe him but a small part of me has a hard time accepting that. He could’ve been in love and just didn’t realize it. Anyways, I was so upset and I thought that it might’ve been over between us but he told me he still wanted to be with me. I took a day to be upset and to think things over but obviously we’re still together. When I was feeling better, I even made a goal to get him to fall in love with me lol.

We went back to normal for the next 9ish months but it’s always something I just kind of think about. Especially if something’s coming up, I’ll think “hmm... Valentine’s Day is coming up, maybe he’ll say it then” or “he will definitely tell me on our anniversary”, and “literally all I want for my birthday is for him to say it” but he never does. Near the end of May, I was going through one of my rough, sad weeks so I had a “check in” with him about it. I wasn’t hysterical this time and tried to make it kind of easy & casual. Honestly, I don’t remember much of that whole conversation but the gist of it was that he was still not ready to say it.

So that brings us to now. These last couple of days, it’s been all I can think about and I feel like I might have to have another check in with him. But I’m so scared to. Whatever happens, I just wanna make sure that we’re still together. He’s so sweet and I know he cares about me so much! He’s always interested in everything I do. He encourages me in all of my weirdness and has helped me stay positive during these last couple of months of unemployment whereas last time, I was deeply depressed. He gives me a wake up call every morning and an afternoon call when he’s done with work because he wants to. He’s not the most romantic person but he makes up for it in smaller ways. He’s the only person in the world that I’ve told absolutely everything to and without hesitation. He’s never judged me for any of my interests or hobbies or anything. It’s cliche but he is the greatest, most loyal and bestest friend I have ever had and that’s a big deal for me. I grew up thinking no one really enjoyed my company but he does. I can’t loose that. I’m just nervous that if I bring this up again, he might start to think “well, it has been awhile and I still don’t love her and clearly she needs to hear that from someone but that can’t be me so I have to breakup with her”. And I’m even more terrified of if we do breakup that he’ll meet someone more beautiful and more confident and someone who is just better than me in every way and fall in love her and actually tell her that. Then it proves that I was the problem all along. That the assumption I’ve always thought about myself being unlovable is true. And I don’t know if i could recover from that. I’ve always been a very insecure person so validation from anybody has always been important to me. I’ve just always wanted someone that’s not a family member to love me. I need it.

So, extremely long story short, I think I might tell him again this weekend but I’m so scared to. I love him so much and I can’t loose him, and I don’t want to ruin our relationship.

I really needed to vent about this so thank you! I love you so much Taylor, and I hope you have a great weekend!

Love, Annissa

@taylorswift @taylornation

[bluesfortheredj]

Modern Romance Pt. 17

It’s an agonising four hour wait until I receive a reply, and I can’t even bring myself to look at it because I completely freaked out when I saw her username pop up. It’s 6am over here which means it’s 9pm the previous day back home, so she must have had a busy day if she’s only just seen it, and I really do need to know if I’m a dead man or not for uploading that photo… I open up the app with trembling fingers and press on notifications to see two from her when I scroll down the noticeably shorter list than would be on the other account, and focus straight on the comment.

Miss you x

That’s good, right? I don’t have long to think about it too much as a message from her interrupts my spiralling trail of thought.

-Are you awake? I googled what time it would be over there but didn’t know if you’d be up yet or not… Are you looking forward to your first interview and premiere? X

I start typing immediately, desperate to keep a conversation going for as long as possible between us, and I smile as I look up in the top left hand corner on whatsapp to see that she’s changed her picture to the one of me at the Tate Modern on the first day we met. It’s the gesture I need to stop worrying so much, at least for now anyway.

-Yes I am, 5 or 6 will be my usual wake up, just so you know ;) yeah, I’m nervous but excited for what’s to come. How was work? A late one I take it? How’s the instagram thing going? Xx

-Noted! You’ll have to let me know when the interviews are on youtube so I can see them :) everything will be fine, you have such a confident air about you when put in front of a camera, I noticed it at the Arts event, you’re a complete natural! Hmm, less said about work, the better… Requests seem to have died down a little thank god, luckily didn’t decline your brother though ha x

-You really don’t have to watch them, you know! Thank you, that’s really helped actually. How do you know exactly what I need to hear? I’m always on the other end of a phone if you do want to talk about it, please don’t hesitate to vent as much as you want. I think he should have been one of the people you did reject! ;) xx

-I want to, though. I’ve purposely avoided watching any interviews of yours so these will be my first… No pressure though ;) Ha, it’s a gift, I just know exactly what to say! Thank you, that really means a lot. Well I can always wait a couple of weeks and then delete him :P x

I don’t even realise that I haven’t stopped smiling since our conversation began until my cheeks begin to ache, and I move my jaw up and down to try and relieve the feeling as I think of an appropriate reply before I have to actually go and do some work.

-Can we video soon? I miss your face, and it’ll be unfair if you keep seeing mine in interviews yet I don’t see yours! I’ll always be here for you. Fuck it, delete him now ha xx

-Of course we can, but I think a break from my face isn’t anything but good! :P good luck today, I’m off to bed for a much needed sleep xx

-Your face is beautiful, hush. Sleep well darling xx

It’s difficult to concentrate as I sit opposite the interviewer and Miranda has to subtly nudge me when I miss my cue to speak.

“Have you taken any tips from the film for your own weddings?” the guy asks, and I can’t even remember his name.

“I actually married soon after we filmed this, so it was too late for me as everything was already planned out!” Miranda laughs.

“Not to be late, mostly,” I chuckle, “and to embrace everything about your other half.”

“Wise words!” the interviewer smiles; I really wish I could remember his bloody name, “and will your partners be joining you this evening for the premiere?”

“Yes, mine will,” Miranda beams, then they both face me as they wait for my answer.

“My girlfriend is back home unfortunately, but when it’s shown in London I’ll be sure to take her,” I grin, mainly at the word ‘girlfriend’ coming from my lips.

Is it childish that I want another question to be asked that would require me to mention ‘my girlfriend’ again? I sit through the rest of the interview with a silly smile on my face until we’re free to go and get ready for the premiere that evening, and I shoot off a text to let her know the first interview will be uploaded soon.

-

The next thing I hear from her is two days later, two days of no communication. That feeling that something is going on has come flooding back to me when her short reply finally pops up on my phone, and I’m only just going into the second week of being away. I reply straight away like last time but the conversation doesn’t flow like it did before, and the message hasn’t even been read. Is this cause for concern? What do I even do? I could ask Ben to check on her, or maybe even Owen, but would that be too invasive? Am I worrying for no reason? Being on the other side of the world is really not in my favour right now.

- I can see you enjoyed saying the word girlfriend ;) xx

I read it over and over again, but no matter how many times my eyes scan over the phone screen, a reply to my message still doesn’t appear. Just as I lock the device and turn it face down on the bed it begins to ring and I hope that her name is going to greet me when I lift it, but instead it’s Owen.

“Morning,” I answer.

“Evening,” he replies.

“How’s everything?”

“Not too bad, the kids are fine, Kelly’s great, can’t complain can I? How is everything over there?”

“Yeah, it’s going well,” I sigh.

“Doesn’t sound like it...”

“It is, it’s just (Y/N). I hadn’t heard from her for a couple days then get a message today and now nothing again. It’s so difficult being this far away so soon after getting together, I’m worrying about ridiculous stuff and feel like I’m completely overthinking everything.”

“That’s natural for a new relationship, right? I was the same with Kelly. If she didn’t get back to me within an hour I thought she’d completely gone off me. She’s worrying just as much as you are, trust me. I actually rang because of (Y/N)...”

“What? Is she okay?” I ask as panic starts to rise inside me.

“Yeah, I just reached out to check in with her. She’s got loads of stuff going on with work at the minute, and-”

“You’ve never been a very good liar Owen. Is she okay?”

“Yes.”

“What did she say? What’s going on? Why the hell is she talking to you but not to me?”

“Like I said, I reached out to check in with her. Kelly’s planning a lunch with her at some point while you’re away. Now listen, she’s alright-”

“Owen!” I snap harshly, “I’m sorry. I just… This is killing me, it’s driving me to distraction.”

“Gwilym, do you trust me?” he asks with a sigh.

“Of course I do.”

“Then calm down. Everything is okay. The only reason she’s talking to me is because she doesn’t want to interrupt your tour, okay? If she drops in and out of contact then please just know that she’s alright.”

“And you’re not going to tell me what’s going on?”

“I can’t, I’m sorry. She’s being very well looked after though, so you have nothing to worry about.”

“Very well looked after? What do you mean? Has she had an accident? What the fuck is happening over there?!”

“Admittedly, that sounded a lot more comforting in my head… She hasn’t had an accident, she’s just being looked after. That’s it, I can’t say any more because Kelly’s giving me a look that says she’s going to kill me if I give anything more away. The bottom line is stop worrying, (Y/N)’s okay, and get on with your tour so you can get back here and we can all celebrate, alright?”

“Does (Y/N) know you were going to tell me this?”

“No, so please don’t set her on me as well!” Owen chuckles.

“Right,” I exhale, “fine. I give in. Just get Kelly to message me after she’s seen (Y/N) please.”

“Will do. (Y/N) will be in touch soon, I promise.”

“Sure. Thanks.”

“I’m only doing this because I love you, you know that right?” Owen asks.

“I know, I really do know that. Thank you, I appreciate it. I’m sure I’ll appreciate it more when I’m back and know the full story though...”

“She just wants you to focus on your work. Everything’s in hand over here, you go and show the world your talent.”

“She cares that much, huh?”

“’Course she bloody does mate! She didn’t even want to tell me, it was flipping hard work convincing her that sharing everything with me would put you at ease.”

“Hmm. Right, I’d better go anyway, need to get suited and booted again,” I sigh.

“Okay, we’ll speak soon.”

I hang up the phone and go into my photos where I find the one of me and her outside the Royal Academy, and I close my eyes as an overwhelming feeling of sadness overcomes me when I wish that I could go back to that moment; that perfect little moment where we were together and she confided in me, and I didn’t feel a million miles away. As I dress my mind begins to fire questions at me: how ill is she? Is this something that can be sorted? When did this happen? Is she in hospital or at home? Will I hear from her soon?

@painthatiusedto @winnielinleigh @queenslandlover-93 @excellentbecca @peachllobotomy @lovemarvelousfics @lovemelikeyou1997 @readinghorn @godohammers @timeandpixiedust @lv7867 @fuckyou-imspiderman @aynsleywalker @captainxholmes @the-baby-bookworm @leah-halliwell92 @chlobo6 @tenement-funstah @rogmeddows

[stormtrprinstilettos]

Chameleon - Ch. 3, part 1

Summary: Reader (that's you!) moves to London, hoping to leave her past behind and find happiness. She makes friends with her new neighbors. (Guess who?) I can’t summarize the whole story because it’s going places I don’t even know. It’s like it has a mind of its own.

**Note: Have to split this chapter into two posts because I’ve apparently hit a limit. Or you can read the whole thing in one swoop at the AO3 link below**

A/N: [insert scream here] I battled hard with where I was going to send this story but I’ve made my decision and I can’t turn back now. I know, I know, there’s still no relationship established, but, trust me. Next chapter? *phew* You’ll get it. You’ll get it… We’ll be doing a time warp soon. Just go with the flow. I wasn’t going to post until Saturday, but if I don’t do this now, I’ll end up driving myself crazy.

Language and angst about, as usual, but you, Y/N – you’re a strong ass female… and no man is gonna bring you down!

Tagging @chocolatealmondmilkshake and thanking my beta tester & cheerleader @clogwearingspacepoodle (and everyone else who is actually reading this, too!)

Ch 1 | Ch 2 || AO3 link here

(Enjoy this gif of our main players that separates all of this dribble from the story because the formatting sucks balls and because Angry Brian is how I felt when Tumblr wouldn’t let me post the whole thing, or when I try to post from the Tumblr app.)

You insisted on paying for dinner since you felt like you owed them from rescuing you from madness your first night in London, but the guys didn't want you to. You assumed it was some macho pride thing, so you shoved a wad of money into Freddie's pocket and told him to pretend like he was paying if it made them feel better. You guided them to a small, quiet Italian restaurant you loved and walked in before any of them could stop you.

You were all seated in a circular booth, Brian to your left and Roger to your right. Freddie was quite amused by the unspoken, minor rivalry between Brian and Roger when it came to deciding who would get to sit next to you, so he made sure you ended up in between them, just to see if anything would happen, purely for his own entertainment. He knew what was going on in your head. You vented about it to him many times.

There’s Roger, who you knew you’d have fun with, and you knew without any doubt would help satisfy the need that you didn't even know was pent up inside until your little episode earlier in the day. But then there’s Brian. You know he would bring so much more to your world, but he was just so seemingly unattainable – which made him even more attractive to you.

You convinced yourself that it was nothing more than choosing between the sprint or the marathon. The only thing that you were absolutely certain of was that you had to tread carefully. You’d never been able to forgive yourself if you came in between friends. When you’d talk about this internal conundrum of yours with Freddie, all he would tell you was that it was your decision and that he couldn’t make up your mind for you. He knew who he would rather see you with, and you knew who as well, but it just wasn’t happening, for whatever reason.

You stayed quiet most of the dinner, listening to the three guys talk about the band mostly. You’d smile and laugh and nod along with their conversation, pretending to pay attention to most of it when your mind was preoccupied.

The most you spoke was to nag them about letting you hear them play, and they promised you’d be the first person to hear them as soon as they found their new bass player. You had heard Freddie sing many times. You were completely entranced by his voice and would often ask him to play a song on the piano and sing to you, to which he would happily oblige. You’d hear Brian sometimes singing and playing his guitar from the other side of the apartment wall but wouldn't dare let him know, given how he was easily embarrassed. He had absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about, but you didn't want to risk it.

Your group was interrupted by a tiny redhead who ventured over to the table. She was cute, lightly freckled with green eyes. "Hey, Roger," she screeched when she spoke. You find her voice incredibly annoying, and her personality is way too bubbly for your liking. You, Brian, and Freddie all turn to Roger who is looking quite shocked.

"Oh, hey… you. How are you?" He doesn't remember her name and is struggling to not let it show.

"Are you coming to The Troubadour tonight? A friend's band is playing. I'd love to see you again." She flirtatiously bats her eyes and smiles a flashy smile in his direction, completely ignoring the fact that he is sitting at a table, in the middle of dinner, with three other people. You don't know if you want to shoo the girl away or if you are enjoying watching Roger squirm.

"Oh, well, umm, you see..." He doesn’t know what to say. He’s still trying to remember her name.

You decide right then and there that squirmy Roger was entertaining. You always found it funny when the usually quick-witted guy was left speechless. So, you decide to play your own little game and ask the redhead, "what kind of band are they?"

It seems like she just realized there were more people in the room, and she skittishly answers, "rock and roll, of course. Roger wouldn't enjoy anything else. That's why I'm inviting him."

"We were going to head to The 606 after we finished here..." he hastily states before you cut him off.

"Oh, Roger, we can go there any time. How many chances will we get to hear your friend's band?" You pat him on the shoulder.

"Not my band. My friend's band," she snaps at you while rolling her eyes.

"That’s what I meant…” You try to explain, but she’s not even paying you attention. Her eyes are fixated on Roger. You look over at Freddie. He knows exactly what’s going on and shrugs with his hands letting you know he’s okay with going. You then look to Brian who had covered mouth to hide his smile as he nods that he’s also okay with going. Then you look at Roger, who has a look of absolute betrayal on his face. You put your right hand on his thigh, underneath the table so no one could see, and give him a gentle squeeze as you look him in the eye. "So, what do you think?"

He gulped, wondering why you’re doing this. "Whatever you want," he answers quietly.

You turn back to face the redhead. "What's your name, sweetie?"

Roger leans into your ear and begs you, “please, Y/N, don’t…” Freddie and Brian try not to make noise when they start to chuckle. You ignore them all.

"I'm Lyla. Nice to meet you....?"

"I’m Y/N. Nice to meet you, Lyla. Have you met these two?" pointing to Freddie and Brian.

"Oh, yes, I met them..."

Roger clears his throat and interrupts. "Yeah, she's met them. Lyla, we're going to finish our dinner and we'll see you later. Alright?"

“Would you like to sit with us, Lyla?” You wave your hand for everyone to scoot over to make room for her at the table. She happily takes a seat next to Brian, her face beaming as she stares at Roger. Freddie keeps looking around and fiddling with his napkin. Brian is doing his best to control his amusement, but failing miserably. You pat Roger on his thigh as you clear your throat.

“So, Lyla, how’s it you know these guys?”

“Well, I met Roger after one of their shows a while back…”

“She’s his biggest fan,” Brian says with a chuckle.

“Yeah, she thinks he’s just spectacular,” Freddie pipes up, clearly making a joke you aren’t keen to. .

“No, Fred,” Brian corrects him. “Impressive.” He and Freddie are obviously more amused by all of this than you are.

“Alright, alright, I think she gets it.” You look at Roger and he’s still squirming in his seat, silently pleading with you to stop. You, of course, cannot.

You look back to Lyla, who how has her chin resting in her hands, still looking at Roger. “I haven’t experienced Roger’s drumming. Is he really that good?” you ask her, quite suggestively, but she doesn’t pick up on the innuendo.

Roger grits his teeth and leans over to whisper in your ear. “What are you doing? Stop it.”

“Oh, yeah, he’s really good.”

Brian chokes on the water he’s trying to drink. “Impressive.”

“Spectacular,” Freddie chimes in.

“Hmm.” You look back at Roger. “Really. That good, huh?” You smirk and this time he smirks back.

“Roger?” Lyla tries to get his attention, completely oblivious to the looks the two of you are sharing. “So, you’re coming tonight?”

“Yeah, yeah…” he replies, never taking his eyes off of you.

Freddie throws his napkin on the table and takes the last sip of his wine. “We’re all done here?”

“I think we are,” you say, still smirking at Roger before you look back at everyone else. “Shall we pay the bill and go?” Everyone agrees.

As you are walking in a group to the next stop of the evening, Roger pulls you back behind the group.

“Impressive, huh? Spectacular?” You joke.

He leans down to talk to you so no one else will hear. “The last time I saw her it took me three days to get rid of her, Y/N.”

“Then I guess she’ll be easy for you to get.” You give him a wink and a nudge on his arm.

“Maybe I don’t want to get her,” he whispers in an aggressive tone.

“Calm down, tiger,” you chuckle. “You need to get someone or you’re going to hurt yourself.” You make sure he follows your eyes down to his crotch so he knows that you notice what’s going on under his pants. You leave him with a smirk, joining Freddie and Brian for the rest of the walk.

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ✯ ⋅.} ────── ⊰

"They have a good sound." Freddie nudged Brian as he pointed to the stage. "I wonder if they're serious about all of this, because if they are, they'll need better lyrics." He walked off with a laugh and headed to the bar.

It was the truth. The tunes had a descent vibe but the lyrics were absolutely terrible. Every line made you cringe. The guys seemed to be enjoying the sound and were either not paying attention to the lyrics, with the exception of Freddie, or they were more focused on the sounds and the beats coming through the speakers.

You lean over to Lyla to ask her more about the band. "Do these guys play much?"

"Not really. They just like having fun with it. Gives them something to do with their spare time." She chuckled. "It does help them get laid. Do you know how many girls will do anything to be with a guy in a band?" Lyla winked before she continued. "Especially if he's a drummer."

You give Lyla a blank smile as you watch her start move her body against Roger. "I have a feeling there's a lot of them," you mumble.

Roger didn't seem to mind the attention he was getting. Of course, the amount of alcohol he had consumed up to this point may have caused him to forget all about the annoyance he felt about Lyla earlier at dinner, and the moment the two of you shared earlier.

You quickly turn your attention over to Brian, not wanting to watch the public display going on between the two over to the other side. You watch his head bobbing to the beat, with his mind intently focused on what he was hearing. He must have felt you looking at him, because he looked down to you and a warm smile came across his face. "That bass player needs a better band," he told you, and it was like a lightbulb went on in his head.

"Roger! Come on!" He grabbed Roger by the arm and pulled him away. "We need to find Freddie!" As the two walked over to the bar and started chatting with their friend, Lyla leaned up against you, pouting.

"Is he going to come back?" The stench of whatever she was drinking almost knocked you for a loop.

Rolling your eyes, you give Lyla's head a pat. "Don't worry. You'll get him back." They better not leave me with this girl for the rest of the night, you mumble to yourself.

After the band's set was complete and most of the patrons had left, you were sitting on one of the torn and ratty sofas at the back of the room with Lyla. She was leaning on you, drunk rambling about Roger and how much she hoped he would take her home tonight. Becoming increasingly frustrated, you start staring down Brian and Freddie, hoping they’ll sense your annoyance and leave. They, along with Roger, were in a deep conversation with the band's bass player, and soon they all shook hands with him and turned around to see you and Lyla at the back of the room.

"Up you go. Roger's waiting for you." You didn't know if he really was, but she became his problem once he started handing her shots. You lift a beaming Lyla from the sofa and guide her in the proper direction. "Go on. He's right in front of you."

After seeing the two lovebirds, or whatever they were, reunited, you walk over to Freddie and Brian. "Oh, young love. Isn't it..."

"Disgusting. It's disgusting, Freddie," you pop back. "She's disgusting." The guys laugh hysterically. "Did you ever hear about the time she sucked his dick in the shower? With graphic details?" They cringe. "No? Well I have."

Freddie rubs on the top of your head. "Well what do you know. Princess here is a prude." You knock his arm away.

"No, I am NOT a prude, but if I want to know how it feels to deep throat, I'll do it myself to find out!" Brian took a hard gulp and Freddie howled with laughter.

"Hey, what's so funny? What am I missing out on?" Roger comes stumbling over with Lyla wrapped around the shoulders in his arm.

“Y/N was just telling us about de…” Freddie tried to answer."

"Fuck off, Freddie!" you snap. Brian is standing next to you with his hand grabbing the back of his neck. "Are we leaving or staying here until they kick us out?"

The group assembles to start the walk home as Freddie bids you all a goodbye. "I've got someone to go see. I'll see you all later." He leans over and whispers to you, "it's my friend from the college." He winks and kisses you on the cheek before walking away.

On the walk home, you and Brian walk behind Roger and Lyla, part in order to make sure they didn't fall on their asses, part in order to make sure the two of you could hold a conversation without the other two butting in.

The night air was giving you the chills, and Brian, noticing you started walking with your arms crossed, took off his jacket and draped it around your shoulders. "So, we'll be auditioning that bass player tomorrow afternoon," he tells you as he covers you with the jacket. "He seemed pretty excited. He's seen some of our shows and feels like he could fit right in."

"Oh yeah? That's great! He was really good up there tonight.” You start to bite the left corner of your bottom lip. Neither one of you know what to talk about. Usually your conversations flowed, but tonight it’s struggling for some reason. You don’t want to blurt out something stupid, so you try staying quiet to see if he would talk, but he doesn’t. You had never been at a loss for words with anyone before, but for some reason, he makes you… nervous.

“You know… I hear you playing sometimes." You cringed as the words left your mouth, because the last thing you wanted to to was embarrass him into even more silence.

Brian stutters, "You... you do?"

"Yeah, through the wall.” Jesus, you sound like a stalker, Y/N, you tell yourself. “I can't make out everything, but the things I do hear sound really good."

The smile on his face lets you know that he’s not embarrassed at all. If anything, he’s quite proud of himself. "I could always play you something when we get home… maybe… if you want me to."

"I'd really like that." You wrap your arm in his. You don’t know why you did that, but it felt nice, and he doesn't seem to mind.

After a few minutes, you look up at Brian and tease him, because he’s adorable when he gets embarrassed, and it happens so easily. "So, is this a date now? We had dinner together at a fancy restaurant. We had some drinks. You gave me your jacket and now you're walking me home," you joked. "Yeah, I think this is a date." He freed the hand that was attached to his free arm from his pocket and grabbed the back of his neck while an embarrassed smile came to his face. "Oh, silly, stop that. I'm just picking on you," you say to him as you tap him on his chest.

"Stop what?" he laughs, not realizing what he’s doing.

"You get embarrassed so easy. It's cute,” you say with a nervous giggle.

"I am not embarrassed." He tries to protest, but you know better.

"Yes, you are. You grab the back of your neck every time you get embarrassed."

"Oh, you mean like how you smile and bite the left corner of your bottom lip when you get embarrassed?"

You nudge him and he pretends to stumble. "Yeah, something like that.”

"Home at last!" Roger yells, snapping the two of you out of your haze. "Come on, girl," he commanded Lyla as he slapped her butt. She laughs loudly and runs up the steps.

Brian takes a deep breath as he watched Roger chasing after the redhead. "It's going to be a long, long night."

"Nah. Let's go get your guitar and come play me one of your songs." You jokingly slap Brian on his butt. "Come on, boy." You mimic Lyla's laugh and run up the steps and turn to look at Brian, who’s just standing there, shell-shocked. "Well?" You cross your arms and start tapping one of your feet. "Are you just going to stand there all night?" He shakes his head and laughs before following you.

[Keep going to Part 2]

[cinnamonroll-duffy]

Second Chances Come to Few (Nathan Sterling Fic)

Summary:  After serving out a 3-year prison sentence, Nathan finds himself having to start over. This is my submission to #ChoicesCreates68 -- Memories Week. 

Warnings: Possible Language. However, unlike my other Nathan fics...this isn’t smut. 

Tagging: My buddy @choiceslife for being a supportive friend as always.  #*#*#* #*#*#* #*#*#* #*#*#* #*#*#* #*#*#* #*#*#* #*#*#* #*#*#* #*#*#* #*#*#*

I stepped off the plane and took off my shades. The sunlight rushing in from the sky was a jarring sight. My first week of freedom was spent at home resting, but now I had to go out and have my first meeting with the man my parents arranged for me to see. I’ve never put much thought on my career when I was inside. I took an Uber from the airport and shut my eyes, hoping to recap what had happened the day before:

As I looked into my old penthouse, which was rented out by my parents while I was serving my sentence, I texted Beau, hoping for a response. He was on his way, which gave me time to see the carpet still pristine and the view of Hartfield still stunning.  When I saw Beau step into my place, he gave me a huge hug. I asked him what the ring on his finger was and he told me that he and Becca Davenport fell in love within my three-year sentence. Of course, I had to keep my cool, wanting  to be happy for him. However, part of me was let down that he’d degrade himself with that bitch. Also, I was hoping to have started something with him when I came back. I was sick of playing all these games and wanted a stable relationship to come back to. Nonetheless, I held in my feelings and offered to be his best man. That’s when I knew I had to leave for Hollywood.

I stepped into Viktor Montmarte’s office after his secretary let me in. He stared at me for a few seconds, which unnerved me. A lot of his demeanour reminded me of my father.

“You’re 15 minutes late. Do you know how much meetings I could have fit in with those precious minutes I’ve wasted waiting for you?” I didn’t appreciate the tone he used to greet me. I’m a Sterling, and we don’t put up with such insolence.

“Perhaps, you can tell that to my Uber driver. The fool couldn’t take me here quickly enough.” I took a seat across Viktor and gave him a good stare back. I didn’t care if he was my boss; I was going to show dominance.

“Excuses on your first day? You’re lucky your father is a family friend, or I’d have you blacklisted from the whole West Coast.” He tapped his foot and I could hear his heartbeat quicken with every passing second. “Also, did I say you could be seated?” I planted my bum on that chair and leaned nearer to him.

“Perhaps, my father would love to know how you’re treating his son. You’d be banned from this continent’s polite society, I’ll see to that.” Perhaps, Viktor was a bit fazed by my words as he raised his voice in response, and it wasn’t pretty.

“There are 2 men in this room; One is an ex-con, and it isn’t me. You’ve screwed up your life once already. Do you really think you can tell me, the guy that owns all of Hollywood, what to do? Perhaps, you were too comfortable being used as a human pincushion in prison.” The last line cut deep. I shut my mouth and tried to keep my composure. Those three years were long and grueling, and I didn’t need a reminder of that.

“Just tell me what my first assignment is.” Within a flash, Viktor pulled out his tablet and showed a face of a blond man that seemed familiar to me.

“Your first job for me is to manage this man. A comic actor named Seth Levine. He’s much easier than some difficult clients I had before, but he needs to be dealt with just the same. His wardrobe is unbecoming of an A-lister,  his relationship choices have been less than optimal, and some of his associates are hard to control. Fix him, or I’ll fix you.” I recognised the man right away after studying his facial features, so I voiced my concerns. “You can’t ask me to manage him. He’s my roommate, and that would create a conflict of interest.“ That was when I was met with the heartiest laugh I’ve ever heard from a guy.“This [he points to himself] isn’t the face of a man who cares about such things. Now, get to it, or I’ll drive an automobile through your hopes and dreams the same way you...never mind, you get my point. I’ll send you an e-mail with specific instructions soon. Now, out of my office, Sterling.”

Stepping into the condo I was to share with Seth, I didn’t know how to break the news to him that I’d be his new manager. I wanted to start out my new life without a hitch, but it seemed to me Viktor wasn’t having it be easy for me. I stepped in and saw Seth lounging with his boyfriend, so I stayed out of their way while the movers were bringing my stuff in. After the boyfriend excused himself to go to the gym, Seth sat in the kitchen table with me and extended his hand to greet me.

“You must be Nathan Sterling.” Seth seemed to be about a decade older than I was, as evidenced by the lines on his world-weary face. I took time to read his Wikipedia profile while on the way to the condo, and I found out he struggled in Hollywood for so long before his big break making that film with an up-and-coming directress named Teja Desai. I could tell things were looking up for him, but he was exhausted already.

“Your manager-slash-roommate, I forgot to tell you.” I sighed and crossed my arms. “Hope that won’t get in the way of us living together. I’ll still pay rent and clean up if needed.” I took a protein bar from my bag and chewed on it while admiring how Seth decorated the place.

“I got the call from Viktor that Tad was being let go for you, so I’ve already mentally prepared myself. It was only a matter of time, as Tad was getting on my nerves. Hope you won’t do the same.” He winked at me and grabbed an apple and chewed at it.

“I want to make this as painless as I could. We’ll make the lifestyle changes Viktor recommended and then go from there. That might mean less public time with your boyfriend and perhaps you doing a few ads for some soda brand, but we’ll discuss that tomorrow.” I didn’t know how Seth would take such news, but he nodded. “Look, this isn’t my first go-around in Hollywood; I know the game that must be played. All I want from you is to be committed to making me a huge star. My boyfriend never got his undergraduate degree and I want to ensure that I pay for his education, and I’m willing to do what it takes to secure that for him.” Seeing Seth care about someone so much kinda reminded of how far I was ready to go for Beau, before he let me down.     

“Is everyone in this town vicious? I mean, I just served a three-year sentence for a hit-and-run cover up, but the way Viktor talked to me...that was unprofessional.” That caused Seth to nearly choke on his apple.

“Dude, you must be kidding me. Everyone in this town has to be vicious to survive. Nathan, I once had roommates that were drug dealers, murderers, or loved pineapple on pizza. You aren’t the worst.” Seth’s kind words got me. All the time I was inside, only my parents bothered to come see me. (Not Beau, and not anyone of my Alpha Theta Mu friends.) It was like I was forgotten after all I did to build that fratority and contribute to its foundation. I thought about the time I spent grieving the death of my sister Nicole after she was murdered by a co-worker at Raines Corporation where she worked and how none of the prisoners had sympathy for me because I was a white guy born into privilege.

“You might change your mind if you talked to people in Hartfield.”  I looked up into the ceiling and saw the twinkling light fixtures that Seth added to the loft of the condo. Part of me didn’t want Seth to see how much sadness I held from having to go to Hollywood of all places to start over.

“We all have a past. You are a blank slate to me. If you do mess up, though, I’ll send my friend Victoria Fontaine out for you. Otherwise, we’re good.” He got up and went to the sink to clean all the dishes left. That gave me time to head to my empty room, which didn’t have my bed set-up yet due to the movers not being done with my stuff. I then went to the video recording app of my phone and made a message to Beau that I wasn’t sure whether to send as of the time I hit record:

“Hey, Beau. I’ve been thinking a lot since my flight out west about how lucky you are to be getting engaged to the blonde of your dreams. Just wishing that blond was me. I took the fall for you during the Alpha mess so that you could live your life while I paid for what happened with the crash. No, you weren’t obligated to wait for me, but remember that I’m the reason for a lot of your happiness, and I was hoping you’d be the reason for mine. However, I’ve been nothing but miserable thinking about you. So, yeah, I’ll be the best man, stand by you as you swap vows with Becca and give a toast during the reception, but don’t expect me to be 100% OK with this in the near future, or ever. You might think I’m being selfish for this, but after everything I had been through being nearly assaulted in prison everyday, I needed to vent. Anyhow, those are my thoughts this afternoon. Take it or leave it.” I finished recording and got up to sort my belongings as the movers came in with more stuff. Then, in a moment of boldness, I sent the video to Beau. Viktor was right: I needed to take the reins of my life and not be tied down to the toxicity in the past. END

[jewishaxelwalker]

Driving Faster, Windows Down

It’s that Lyft driver AU I said I’d write back in 2017, finally finished after 10 months. Also available on AO3.

It was an abnormally slow Friday night.

Axel’d been driving around aimlessly for a while, patiently waiting to be pinged for a fare, but no one was biting. Keystone had a good public transit system, and its people were abnormally obsessed with cars, but that didn’t mean that there weren’t tourists out there that’d rather take a Lyft than a taxi. Maybe they just hadn’t made the switch from Uber yet. Like come on, read your Facebook sidebar sometime.

His phone made a noise, and Axel jumped. It was just Joey calling, so he put him on speaker.

“You’re on with Ron.” He deadpanned, and on the other end of the line, Joey snorted.

“Dead night?”

“I’d get more action in a graveyard, dude.”

Joey laughed out loud, and Axel pulled into a Shell station. No need to roll and waste when he wasn’t getting fares to fill his gas tank. He and Joey chatted for a bit about the usual junk; Axel’s online classes were inane, Joey’s brother was still bugging him about moving to Gotham so he could use him as a free babysitter (”Seriously dude, how the hell is your niece so cute? Jack is as pug-ugly as they come.”), Kesha’s Instagram feed, the Combines having yet another fantastically losing season-

And then his phone pinged with a ride request. Three blocks away. Single passenger, some shitty little motel not a mile from the airport.

“Gotta go, man. I think I’m about to be some flight attendant’s ride of triumph.” He hated the other term. Getting laid was nothing to be ashamed of.

“Oh, sweet. If she’s hot and heading to Gotham, I’ll be on the next flight.” Axel shook his head, switching the bluetooth back to his Google Play. Hitting on customers was how Joey’d gotten dismissed from his last two jobs. He loved his best friend, but thinking with his dick was gonna get Joey killed someday.

And failing to pay attention to who he was picking up was going to get Axel killed. He didn’t even glance at the passenger notification until he’d pulled into the motel parking lot. He was expecting a blonde Cindy or a brunette Sharona, not a redheaded Owen.

“Axel?” The guy asked as he climbed into the back seat, and Axel swallowed hard.

“The one and only.” Owen grinned, and there was a slight chance Axel gunned it a bit too hard on the way out of the parking lot.

Axel liked driving for Lyft because he got to meet a lot of new and interesting people he could subject to his musical taste. Yeah, some of his passengers were hotter than others, but that didn’t mean they wouldn’t be getting the Indie Girl Kitchen treatment.

“You got any preference, or can I just put on whatever?” He asked, flicking through his playlists as they waited at the light. Owen frowned.

“Maybe something chill? I’ve been stressing out of my mind for the last two hours, and I don’t want to look like a psycho when I get there.” Axel immediately flicked over to artists. Fuck the playlists, Owen was getting The Valley. Yeah it was a breakup album, but it was also the best thing he’d heard all year and it relaxed him like nothing else.

Owen sank back into his seat as the album started. Axel wondered if he should interrupt what was clearly going to be a pivotal moment in his life with small talk, but Owen beat him to it.

“Is it a slow night or something? You were there less than three minutes after I called for a ride.” Axel shrugged, glancing up at the rearview mirror. Owen was watching him intently.

“It’s always slow in this town but yeah, tonight was dead. Pretty much the only people that use Lyft are teenagers with no cars and tourists. Driving is a huge thing in Keystone.” His eyes wandered to the mirror again, but Owen was looking out the window now. “Where you from?” The accent had a northeastern touch to it, but Axel couldn’t quite place the state.

“Oh, uh, Gotham. But if tonight goes good, I’m probably gonna end up moving here.” Owen cut himself off by sticking his index finger in his mouth, chewing on the nail. “Hey, can I like, vent something? Taxicab Confessions style?” Axel nodded, not wanting to interrupt what was bound to be an excellent bit of wordvomit. “So uh, my foster mom died two weeks ago.”

“Holy shit man, I’m sorry-“ He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, berating himself. No more outbursts. “But go on.” Owen bit his lip, staring down at his hands.

“My foster mom died two weeks ago. I mean, I’m 23, I’ve been on my own for a few years now, but we still kept in touch. She raised me from when I was 8. She was my mom. I was in her will and everything. What she left me was, uh, well aside from some money and a few of her things, she left me the ability to find my dad. My biological dad. He’s been living in Keystone for like ten years now, and she tracked him down ages ago when she found out that he’d been looking for me. She told him that I was healthy and happy and not to fuck up my life by coming into it unless he meant to stay and raise me.” They were lucky for the traffic. Some Kinda Wonderful slid into You Can Cry Tomorrow, and Owen cleared his throat.

“I can turn this off, if it’s bothering you.” Axel offered, but Owen just shook his head.

“No, I like it. Anyway, I got in contact with him last week. He told me he’d book me a flight as soon as he could, because he’d been waiting years to meet me. Which leads to today. I told him not to pick me up at the airport, that I’d meet him for dinner somewhere, and I’m kinda freaking out? I don’t even know what he looks like. I mean, what if we look nothing alike, and he loses it because I look like the mom I’ve never met? What if we look a lot alike and it turns out I’m gonna age like shit? And those are just the petty, superficial fears!  Like, what if his family has a history of cancer or depression or erectile dysfunction or something?”

Axel started when he realized that Owen’s question didn’t seem to be rhetorical. 

“I think it might be a good idea to just breathe, Owen. Start with the simple stuff, like how you both probably loved Pacific Rim, then get down to the medical histories.” Owen was looking at him again, his mouth quirked in a crooked little grin. “What?”

“I totally loved Pacific Rim. I lost my shit when Cherno Alpha got taken down by Leatherback.” Axel could fall in love with this man. He could. Owen wasn’t protesting The Valley and remembered details about Pacific Rim. It didn’t hurt that he was hotter than the surface of Mercury.

He selfishly hoped that the traffic would keep up the glacial pace. It didn’t, of course, and they were at the restaurant less than a song later.

“I’m sure your dinner will go fine. And if it doesn’t, just call for a Lyft. I’m pretty sure I’m one of like six people driving tonight for the whole city, you can vent again.” Which wasn’t an exaggeration, Lyft just had not taken off in Keystone the way it had in places like Gateway City and Metropolis. Sometimes when he was strapped for cash, Axel crossed the bridge into Central and got fares there. They had a different center of industry, after all. Owen was smiling again, actually smiling, and it felt like his heart had crawled up into his throat.

“I’ll keep that in mind. And, thanks man. For the ride and. Yeah.” Owen reached out, snagging his hand and giving it a little squeeze. He left behind a $10 bill. “Hope I get you again sometime.”

After Owen left, Axel lurked in the area until after midnight. No pings ever came. It was disappointing, but it also meant that Owen and his father had peacefully reconnected, which was nice. He turned off his active status and drove home.

***

A few weeks passed and slowly, Axel began to forget about his handsome passenger. School let out for summer, which meant fares by the dozen. His grades came back eventually, and as he’d expected, he’d aced everything. Joey’s brother finally wore his best friend down.

“I still can’t believe you’re actually moving to Jersey.” He complained one night while they packed up Joey’s half of their apartment. Jack had paid Joey’s part of the rent for the next six months, more than enough time for Axel to find a new roommate, but still.

“Moving back to Jersey,” Joey reminded him. “And me neither. But Janice has had to travel a lot for work lately, and they don’t want Becky to be raised by some nanny.” 

“You better come back to visit.” Axel grumbled, shoving the contents of one of Joey’s drawers into a box a bit harder than necessary. “So I can show off how awesome my new roommate is.”

Joey went quiet, the clacking of DVD boxes coming to a slow halt. “You already found someone?” Axel sighed.

“Dude. I haven’t even put out an ad yet. I’ve got six months of walking around naked without someone yelling at me to get some damn pants on to savor, first.”

They laughed, and Joey pulled him into a hug.

“I’m gonna miss the hell out of you, Ax. Now c’mon, my flight is in two days, and we’ve still gotta get all this shit to UPS.”

At least one upside to this moving business, Jack was footing the bill for everything. Which meant that Joey’s few boxes of possessions that wouldn’t fit into his plane luggage were making it to Gotham in style.

All too soon, it was time to make their way to the airport.

“Don’t let the new guy do anything weird to my room.” Joey said. “And you lay down the fuckin’ law in regards to all prog rock.”

“Yes to Yes, Rush can suck dicks in hell.” It had been literally the first thing Joey had said to him two years ago, when he’d shown up at their apartment, looking to rent the other room. “You call me when the plane lands, okay? Like, from the runway.” They hugged again, and Axel felt his spine pop a little when Joey lifted him off the ground.

As soon as Joey was through his gate, Axel turned his Lyft notifications back on. He was already at the airport, after all, and it wasn’t like Jack was throwing in money for groceries. Within seconds of making it to his car, the app pinged with a ride request. The name made him blink, a grin spreading out onto his face.

Owen M is requesting a ride.

He met Owen back at the same terminal he’d just left, taking note of the pair of huge canvas duffel bags. The dinner with his dad must have gone amazingly well.

“Axel!” Owen was all smiles when he hopped out of the car to help him with his bags. “Man, you really are the only Lyft driver in this city, huh?” Axel snorted.

“Nah, my roommate needed a ride. He’s moving back to Gotham, to be closer to his family.”

“What a coincidence, that’s exactly what I’m doing here.”

When they stood side by side to shove everything into the trunk, Axel noticed that he was a good foot shorter than Owen. Yowza. 

Don’t pull a Joey, you’re good at this driving shit.

As they left the airport and got onto the highway, Axel wondered what he should say. Should he ask about Owen’s flight? The route he was taking wasn’t leading to the motel, but to a residential area. He was probably going to be staying with his dad while he looked for an apartment. In the end, it was Owen who drew first blood.

“I looked up that album you were playing when I got back home, it was really killer." 

I need to call my mom, because I’ve met the man I’m going to marry.

“Yeah?” He said instead, feigning casual. “Which songs did you like best?”

“Wellll...the cover of that Donna Lewis song was somehow earworm-ier than the original, but Blue Heaven Midnight Crush definitely did the most for me. The rest of the songs were so sad, when you actually listened to the lyrics. But that one, it’s so hopeful. I like songs like that.” Giving random strangers mixtapes was weird, right? It was definitely weird, calm down. “Oh, so in case you couldn’t tell, I live here now. My dad is putting me up until I find a place of my own.”

Thank god, a change of subject.

“You shouldn’t have too much trouble, plenty of people out there are looking for roommates.” A glance in the rear view mirror showed that Owen was watching him intently. “What?”

“Didn’t you just ship your roommate off to Gotham?”

Bad idea bad idea bad idea.

“Yeah, well. You could probably find a better part of town to live in-” Owen grinned, and Axel’s hands gripped the wheel hard enough to dent it. “I don’t even need to put out an ad for a couple of months, his half is paid up for a while.”

Mercifully, they soon pulled up in front of an unassuming apartment building not ten blocks from his own. Owen caught his eye in the mirror again, then glanced away.

“Hey, maybe this is weird but, would you mind if I gave you my number? It could be cool to have a local to hang with that isn’t my dad.” As if on cue, a tall-ish, pudgy man with auburn hair rushed out of the building, practically ripping the driver-side rear door open.

“Owen! I got th’ day off after all! Did yeh flight get in early?” The man had an accent that was definitely not from around here.

“This is your local?” Axel asked, eyebrow raised, and Owen laughed.

“He’s lived here for like, a decade. He knows which Denny’s is the good Denny’s, and that’s all that matters.”

“No such thing as a good Denny’s.” Axel and Owen’s father said, practically in unison, and Axel groaned, head thunking to the steering wheel. I’ve been set up.

“Friend of yers, Owen?” The older man asked curiously, looking Axel up and down as he got out and popped the trunk. “Bit young, innit he?”

Axel huffed as he helped Owen drag out one of his insanely heavy duffels. “I’m 20. And what the fuck is in here man, a dead body?”

“Close, it’s the bones of the guy that took me to the airport back in Gotham.” Owen was cheeky, when he wasn’t anxious. That was. Definitely dangerous. “So...your number? That way I can just throw you gas money next time I need a ride somewhere.”

“I knew you had ulterior motives. Everyone only wants me for my sweet wheels.” Axel replied dryly, but he grabbed a marker from his center console anyway, scribbling his number on Owen’s wrist. Owen grinned down at him as Axel kept hold of his wrist a few seconds longer than necessary, and that’s when his father reasserted his presence. 

“And I’m George!” He said, a bit too loudly to be casual. “Folks called me Digger. And you are, boy that’s bound to be ‘round for tea at some point?” Owen snorted, lips clamped shut to keep from laughing.

“Axel.” He was good at parents, parents always loved him. Other people’s parents, at least. “I’m one of the two Lyft drivers in town. I actually live like, two miles from here.”

That admission sent Digger off on a spiel about some restaurant in the area that had kicked him out last year, and Axel suddenly realized why he’d had a prickling feeling of familiarity this whole time. “I was there for that!” Digger stopped himself mid-sentence, jaw going slack. “Yeah, you got kicked out of Marcela’s at like, one in the morning after you tried to fight the waiter and he totally-” Kicked your ass, Axel didn’t say, but the sentiment hung in the air regardless. “I’m uh. Gonna go. I think I have another ride.”

He didn’t, but it sped up the process of getting Owen’s bags out of his car. Axel drove around aimlessly for a little bit afterwards, his phone off in the passenger’s seat. He only turned it on again once he was in his apartment, and it immediately rang.

“Dude I’ve been calling for like an hour I almost hopped back on the goddamn plane.” Axel sighed, flopping down onto the couch, kicking off his shoes. 

“I miss you too, buddy. How’s that glorious Gotham smog?”

“Like a party in my lungs and everyone’s throwing up. Why was your phone off?” The sigh was deeper this time, and Axel thunked his head against the arm of the couch a few times.

“Remember that guy I told you about, from a month back? Well...” As he spilled out the story, Joey helpfully laughed at him. Multiple times. “Hey, shut up. Unlike you, I don’t make a habit of chasing down every warm body that turns my head.”

“Yeah but also unlike me, you’ve dated like, half a person in all the time I’ve known you.” He had a point. “And does it really count as a date if the guy leaves the theater halfway through to-”

“Point taken!” Axel yelped, frowning at the continued buzzing in his ear. “Were you blowing up my texts, too? I’ve got like ten.”

“Don’t look at me, you know my fingers don’t like texting.” It was true, Joey had hands the size of Axel’s head. Which meant- 

“Oh my god he’s been texting me almost this whole time, what do I do.”

“Depends, there an unsolicited dick pic in there?”

“Joey! Also, no.”

Sorry about that, my dad can be...a lot :( But I promise he’s lonely and weird in a good way.

I honestly didn’t think you were 20, btw. I was convinced a fetus had somehow conned its way into the DMV.

That was a joke.

Shit you probably don’t text and drive. Which is good, don’t text and drive.

It’s wild that it’s only like 7pm. My body is convinced it’s later. I mean I know Keystone and Gotham are only an hour apart, but this city goes to sleep earlier.

Do you wanna get something to eat? I don’t start my job until Monday, so I have like three days to kill and I want to explore things.

The city, I mean.

Oh my god I’m just blowing up your phone like some kind of desperate creep I’m so sorry

If on the off chance you haven’t blocked me, I’m walking over to the park we passed on the way to my dad’s place, to bang my head against a tree for a while

“...wow, he’s a loser.” Axel snorted but honestly...yeah, he kinda was.

“He’s a cute loser. And he likes my music.”

“Keeper.”

“Definitely. I’ll call you tomorrow, Joey. I’ve gotta go save some trees.” Just as he was about to hang up, his friend got in one last jab.

“So when he eventually moves in with you next week, turn my room into a game room so I don’t have to think about you two fucking in there.”  There was a click as Joey disconnected, and Axel covered his face with his hands.

***

The park, funny enough, was only two blocks from his house so instead of wasting gas, Axel grabbed a hoodie off the hook by the door and walked over. He was halfway there before he realized that the jacket he was wearing was one of the ones Joey had shrunk in the wash and left behind. Still didn’t fit him right.

By the time he’d made his way past the last few joggers and couples out for a nice little nighttime stroll and spotted Owen, the taller man was fully laying down on a bench near the small playground, messing with his phone. Moments later, Axel’s own phone buzzed.

I’m by the playground, because I’ve knocked down every tree in the park.

“Yeah, I noticed the path of destruction on the way over.” Axel said as soon as he was close enough, and Owen visibly jumped.

“Jesus! I didn’t think you’d get here that fast! Or at all, really. I was pretty sure I’d basically destroyed the chance of you ever wanting to see me again by sending you fifty texts in under an hour.” Axel shrugged, perching on the very edge of the bench until Owen got the message and sat up properly.

“Man, don’t even worry about it. I’ve screwed up at least one thing a day, every day, my entire life. I’m like a unicorn! Of failure.” That caused Owen to laugh, and Axel grinned to himself. “So what caused you to flee into the night this soon after coming to town, huh?”

Owen coughed, looking down at his feet. The playground was covered in tire mulch, and it looked like some of the bits had made their way into his boots. “So uh. As it turns out, my dad has been seeing someone for a while, and it’s serious enough that he wants me to meet her and her kids sometime this week, because they’re probably going to end up moving in together within the year.”

Yikes.

“Wow that is. You weren’t kidding about your dad being a lot, huh?” Owen grimaced. “Don’t tell me it gets better?”

“The woman he’s been seeing is my biological mom."

Well, holy shit.

Owen ended up spilling the story over the course of the next few minutes, about how his dad and mom had dated briefly years ago, she’d gotten pregnant, and her family had forced her to cut off all contact with Digger and put the baby up for adoption...only for her to run off with a man they absolutely hated (but who was, by all accounts, basically the best guy ever) a few years later. She and the other guy had gotten married, she’d given birth to a pair of twins, and then a few years after that, the guy just up and dies on her. She and the kids bounce around the States for a while, finally settling down across the river from her shitty family that, despite everything, still want to be in her life and get to know her sons. She and Digger ran into each other at the supermarket a couple of months before Owen contacted him, and-

“He didn’t even tell you that your mom was back in his life?! Man, that’s about twenty times the legal limit on ‘a lot’.”

“To be fair-” Axel made an angry little noise, and Owen winced. “To be fair, she’s the one who’s scared as hell to meet me. I mean, she was like, your age when she gave me up. Then she just turned around and started another family without bothering to even try and find me. Dad says that Meloni, that my mom, she’s felt guilty for the last 23 years. Because I’ve been out here all this time, becoming a person, and she doesn’t know anything about me.” There was a little hitch in Owen’s voice there, and they both got very still. “Ah, shit. Ah, geez man I’m-”

“Parents ain’t shit sometimes, even when they’re trying their best.” Axel said quietly, reaching over to hold onto Owen’s elbow. “I uh, I’ve kinda been on my own a while, too. I moved in with Joey like, three months after I turned 18. And, and my situation ain’t anything like yours, but I get it, you know?”

Owen propped the elbow Axel wasn’t holding up on his knee, resting his cheek on his closed fist. Go on, then, his eyes seemed to say in the reflection of the dim lights that were flickering on around the playground. Tell me a story, weird boy. 

The summer before his senior year in high school, Axel’s mom found out Axel’s dad was banging one of his coworkers. They filed for divorce later that same month. Dad moved out, and mom and Axel spent the entire school year selling off or hiding anything valuable he might try and take in the divorce proceedings. They sold the house and split the money down the middle. Dad, now living with his coworker (soon to be fiance), told Axel he couldn’t live with him. Mom, who was planning on taking off for middle-of-nowheresville, Iowa to stay with some cousins, told him that he was welcome to come along, but she’d understand if he wanted to stay, as he’d been accepted to a couple of in-state colleges. He couldn’t afford to go to them, but he also didn’t want to leave the only city he’d ever known.

He stayed. He got a million different shitty jobs. He found a good roommate after one or two bad starts. He enrolled in online classes. He managed to save little odds and ends here and there, enough to do some fun shit, like buy the albums he really liked on vinyl like some kinda hipster, and see a couple of movies a month in the theater. He could afford Netflix, so long as Joey paid for their joint Hulu account. He wasn’t living the dream, but he also wasn’t just straight up surviving. He had a life.

“And then one day, I picked up this weird ginger from a shitty motel by the airport, and here we are.”

Owen was quiet for a while, just watching him and processing. Finally, he spoke.

“When do you turn 21?” Axel blinked.

“Uh, April 17th.” Owen scowled. “What?”

“Well this just means you’re gonna need to wait outside or in an alley or something while I buy liquor, because I think we both need a drink right goddamn now.”

***

In the end, Axel managed to convince Owen to just meet him back at his apartment with his booze. The walk from the park to the closest liquor store should take about half an hour for someone who doesn’t know the area and is just going off their phone’s GPS, which gave him a solid hour to turn the half-empty wreck that was his home into something presentable.

Joey was, of course, in hysterics.

“You’re telling me that not only is he coming back to your place after the two of you had a heart to heart in a public park, but he’s planning on bringing alcohol, which you’re actually planning on drinking?! Was it me? Was I the one holding you back from reaching your true potential? I’ve been gone like half a day and you’re already on the track to getting hella laid.” 

“I’m not gonna get laid.” Axel protested, throwing the boxes they’d never gotten around to taking to the homeless shelter into Joey’s room, as well as the small stack of empty pizza boxes from his goodbye party the week before. “We’re gonna watch a movie, I’m gonna try not to hate beer for once, maybe he’ll crash here. Nothing’s gonna happen.”

“Dude...it took me like a month to get you to tell me the deal about your folks. This guy just levels the right look at you and you’re singin’ like a canary. You’re gonna have one beer and just throw yourself at him.”

“So then I won’t drink, and we’ll just watch the various Jurassic Park movies until we fall asleep.” The couch pillows were shitty, so he grabbed a couple of his own (one which was shaped like BB-8, the other that was shaped like R2-D2) from his room, as well as a blanket from his closet, just in case.

“We don’t have any of the Jurassic Park movies on- oh my god you’re gonna use Netflix.”

“Uh, obviously?” Axel replied, triple checking to make sure that there wasn’t any random embarrassing junk in the living room. “Why?”

“Axel. You’re gonna Netflix and chill. I’m so proud of you, my baby bird is finally leaving his nest.”

“You’re the worst friend I’ve ever had.” There was a knock on the door, and Axel froze. “I gotta go, he’s here.”

“There should still be condoms under the c-” Hanging up on Joey had never felt so good.

***

“Okay but like, what I wanna know is, if they clocked the T-Rex going like 30 miles an hour in the last movie, and she couldn’t catch a jeep, how come she can’t catch a single one of these people running away from her on foot in this one??? She’s been hunting wild for years, get your head in the game, girl!”

Axel might be a wee smidge drunk.

In his defense, Owen hadn’t come bearing beer, he’d brought whiskey. Whiskey with honey in it, that tasted amazing with the coke he had left in the fridge. He’d had almost an entire Flanigan’s cup already. Next to him on the couch, Owen laughed. He’d lost his boots during the second half of the first Jurassic Park, and currently had his legs slung over the arm, the bottle he was drinking from on the floor. He was using one of Axel’s stupid Star Wars pillows so that his head was propped up enough for him to actually see the TV.

“Jeff Goldblum is a shitty dad.” He said, words muffled a little by the way BB-8 was pressing against his cheek. “Also doesn’t he have like, three kids? I thought he said he had three kids. Where are the other two?”

“Safe, somewhere that’s not an island filled with fucking dinosaurs!” Axel yelled that last part, causing his downstairs neighbor to throw something hard at the ceiling. “Sorry, Mrs. Oberman!” He went to take a long sip from his cup, finding it empty. “Oh...shit...I should probably like. Get some water. You want some water?” His legs buckled as he tried to stand, sending him toppling back down to the couch with a surprised yelp. BB-8 slipped out from under Owen’s head as he laughed at him some more, reaching over to pat Axel on the arm.

“Chill, young padawan. Gimme your cup, I’ll get you some water.” Owen didn’t seem to have any trouble sitting up and walking around, the bastard.

“Why aren’t you drunk?” Axel demanded, taking his cup back with a frown. Owen just shrugged.

“I’m twice your size and give my liver regular workouts?” A good point. “You wanna pause this hot mess and go to bed?” Axel frowned. It was barely past midnight.

“You gonna be okay getting home? It’s late, and all.”

A look passed over Owen’s face, something that later, after a few aspirin and a shower, Axel would be able to identify as nerves. “I was actually thinking maybe I could...crash here? I’ll make you breakfast in the morning, promise.”

“If only all my dates were so nice.” Axel said dryly, then yelped in a very different kind of surprise. “Joking! Okay cool, goodnight!”

But again when he tried to stand, his legs refused to cooperate only this time, he fell directly into Owen’s lap, sitting sideways on his knees like some kinda princess. 

I’d like to die now please.

As though it was his default reaction to everything, Owen laughed.

“Hey hey, I’m not the kinda guy that expects multiple bases on the first date.” He was teasing him. Making fun of him. Awesome. “First base is perfectly fine. I’m honestly just happy to be up at bat.”

Or, maybe not.

“Was this a date?” Axel asked. He couldn’t rightfully tell, but his eyes felt huge. Disney-esque, even. Keep on the lookout for singing bluebirds, and shit. Owen didn’t stop grinning, though he did shake his head.

“I kinda wanted it to be like, the precursor to a date? Hang out, see if there’s more than just that ‘oh shit he’s cute’ vibe. And then my dad had to. Y’know. And it got real heavy real fast and-” Owen snapped himself out of his rambling before he got too far into it. “Anyway. Yeah. You’re cute, and you’re funny, and you’ve got good taste in music and movies. And I wanna know more about you, like what kinda toppings you like on your pizza, and where your ideal road trip destination would be, and what you look like when you get kissed senseless. But like I said,” Owen tilted his head just so, pecking a short kiss on the end of Axel’s nose. All of his freckles felt like they were glowing red-hot. “This wasn’t a date, and I like to think I’m the kinda guy that can wait until the first date to make a move.”

Oh. Oh, good lord. Oh man.

“O-Owen,” Axel started quietly, even as he felt his face get pinker and pinker. “I uh, I like black olives and sausage and extra cheese. And I wanna go to California some day, maybe check out Joshua Tree and Disneyland and LA, but hit the Grand Canyon and Vegas and Four Corners on the way there. And you uh, you already kissed me once, so like, maybe..?” He let out a nervous, helpless little giggle.

Owen snorted.

“What’s your last name?” He murmured, palms hot against Axel’s hips.

“W-Walker.” Axel stuttered, squirming when one of Owen’s thumbs found a ticklish spot on his side.

“Mine’s Mercer.” Owen replied, leaning in and pressing his lips a little too firmly against Axel’s. His scruffy little goatee was itchy, where it rubbed against his chin and lower lip.

Later, Owen would confess that he’d been trying to think of something suave and cool to say before kissing him. That he’d been worried that Axel would laugh at him, or hate the way his mouth felt, or a million other tiny anxieties that crawled through his brain whenever he got the opportunity to be with someone. Later, Axel would confess that he literally had no standards, because this was the first time he’d ever made out with anyone and if you asked him, Owen had done fine.

“Did we Netflix and chill?” Owen would ask the next morning, after they’d fallen asleep on the floor in a tangled heap of blanket and limbs and novelty pillows. And Axel would groan in return, from a combination of the intensity of his hangover, and Joey being right about something.

“Romance is dead.” He moans. And Owen would just laugh, kissing his forehead.

He disagrees.

[ummmhellobam]

24 and clueless

Hello World

I think I just needed to vent or release some of this pent-up depression or angry that is literally weighing me down. So, this month, I turned 24. I should have been excited, but honestly, I am miserable. So first, things were going well, I got a new second job, was able to save money, and was able to buy myself some much needed me stuff. But I think, well I know, the misery came from the fact that I am 24 and I still live at home, am single (currently, I’ll detail more) and childless. I literally cannot get on Facebook or Instagram without someone posting that their having a baby or THEIR SECOND CHILD or getting engaged or married. It’s like did I miss out on how to have your life together class. I was in a relationship, sort of, well I was made to believe I was. There was this guy who I have known for 7 years and he isn’t really Mr. Perfect, but he was Mr. Charming and Confident. When we met, it wasn’t love at first sight. He had a girlfriend, I had a boyfriend, my best friend liked him, that whole teen rom-com drama. I eventually got to know him and there was just something about him that made me feel alive or at least how you feel when your high, so I’ve been told. Anyway, we did a thing, not sex, and things changed. He stopped being that guy who made me feel so amazing about myself and became the sleazy slime ball he is (still and current). But still I wanted him. I took every chance I could to be next to him, like saving him a seat in class or on the bus, trying to wear nice clothes, makeup, perfumes, so he would notice and compliment me. I mean anything, just for him to smile that big goofy smile that made my heart melt time and time again. We would have our moments, things I will not discuss, but they were are intimate hideouts and feelings that I knew we shared and was just not imaging, like our first kiss. Still to this day it was the best kiss I had ever had and all other kiss since have been compared to that moment. Eventually he graduated and I was left all alone. No one made me feel the way he did. I tried dating, but I just wasn’t into any of the other guys. He would text me from time to time. I loved those moments. But then I saw that he had moved on and then so I did the same. He texted me prom night, mentioning that he wishes he could have been my date. TBH I wanted him to be. He also mentioned wanting to be my first. Again, TBH I wanted that to. But we were just too far and on two different paths. So, came the time to graduate. I had a boyfriend who I lost my v card to, but tbh the whole time I was thinking of him. About how he would be gentle, he would probably take his time and we kiss and he would hold me and ask me if I was okay. He would have been a gentleman. Time flew by, I was in and out of relationships for the next three years, and he would always manage to pop up at the wrong time, always wanted to “talk” and then proceed to ask for nudes. It got old real fast. At one point, and I guess I was going through one of my many break ups and I was still living in the moment of when I thought I had a pregnancy scare and he said that I could come stay with him and he would take care of me. Yes, he really said that, how can I not fall head over heels for a guy like that. Well I told him how I felt, because I was tired of his talk then nude’s conversation and I just wanted him. So, I told him that I like him and he simply said I have a girlfriend. In that very instant, I felt my heart break. It was like some was literally tearing my heart in half and setting them on fire. I cried so hard, and it’s funny because my lousy ex at the time was trying to get back with me for the 100th time. So here I am crying over someone who only wanted nudes and having to deal with an asshole who had a picture of the girl he cheated on me with on his wall. If you can’t guess from reading this, my love life is straight fucked up, and that isn’t even the worse part, which I won’t get into now, maybe another time. Anyway, so another year passes, its summer 2016, I am finally free from the mess of my ex and haven’t heard from him in 2 years. I am sitting in my room, enjoy my independence, when I get a message. Like any person who get a message from an unknown number I do not know, I reply Who dis? He replied and my heart began to jump up and down, like it was trying to escape the loveless prison I sent it to. But my eyes nearly rolled out of my skull with disgusted and anger. We talk for a bit, you know the whole, how are you? What have you been up to? Etc. etc. etc. So, then he goes, can I tell you something? And I say sure of course be honest with me. And he was. He sent me this long text about how he missed me and missed our friendship and missed the way things used to be between us. He also mentioned that he was going off to the army because school just wasn’t gong how he wanted. I was in shook. I honestly did not know how to reply to such an emotional text. I replied that I too missed talking to him, that I was proud of him for doing something so courageous and brave and that he shouldn’t give up on school. I ALSO MENTIONED THAT WE SHOULD JUST WORK ON OUR FRIENDSHIP UNTIL HE GOT BACK, BECAUSE PEOPLE USUALLY MEET OTHER PEOPLE WHEN THEIR IN THE ARMED SERVICES AND THAT WOULD LEAVE ME HURT. I typed that like that because it is the very key to these upcoming life events. Anyway, he totally agrees with me, but he keeps saying that he wants me to be the girl that is waiting for him back home. And in my mind, that just sounds so wonderful and romantic and as someone who has devoted her life to rom-com, everything I could have wished for. Well-off he went, and then soon came letters. Letters from basic training that were so sweet, loving, and just so romantic. I used to take those letters everywhere. Those letters are what got me through long miserable shift and I just had to read them every night before bed and every morning when I woke up. He eventually got his phone back and then the letters stopped. It was okay because he would text me every chance he got and I would call and leave vm for him to listen to and then we had like apps where we would set dates for in the future for when he would come home. It was perfect, but then life. He eventually became more distant. I honestly don’t know what triggered it. Was is because I missed his graduation or was it because he was trying to work on things with his ex. Well the day came and then went when he would promise he would be home and then we could talk and just be a couple. He texted me days later and I was upset because I had my hopes et really high. Instead of apologizing, he left me on read, to which I sent a very long reply about him getting my hope up only for me to be left alone. He never replied back and time went on. I eventually throw away the letters and blamed myself for not being able to keep a man. I wrote out this long desperate letter about how I missed him and didn’t expect him to feel the same and I didn’t want him to feel sorry for me, that mainly I just wanted a friend. I sent it in March, the month he told me he would be deployed. He replied in April. I was at work when I got the message and then I nearly cried and screamed in front of a lot of people. He had sent this long message about being in Japan and how he was sorry how things went, he never meant to hurt me, and that he was trying to fix things with his ex and he shouldn’t have led me on if he knew that was going to happen. I was upset about the whole ex thing, but some stupid part of me read only the part about him being in love me with me and let that go to my head. So of course, he adds me back on Facebook and I am scrolling through his page when I see two things. 1. He is ENGAGED and 2. He came home in January. My blood was hot and my heart was like the titanic, just sinking down into a dark abyss. I literally just started at those two posts for hours before I impulsive messaged him about it, it being the engagement, not the fact that he was home and never came to see me, idk why I didn’t bring that up. Anyway, He was so confused and didn’t understand where I was coming from. I ended things once and for all. I told him that if he couldn’t see that I still had feelings, then we don’t need to be friends, because I will not be your sidepiece. I blocked him and didn’t hear from him until about June. He messaged me on snapchat, an app that literally just sat on my phone. He sent me a picture of all my letters that I had sent him. I didn’t know if I should have been impressed or upset. I went with upset. I sent a picture telling him that I moved on and he should do the same, that he should throw them away because I sent those letters to someone who I thought loved me. I didn’t reply back. I, being the weak and gullible person that I am, sent him another long text the next day, saying that I was sorry for coming off as a bitch and that I just think its best for us to not talk and just go our separate ways. He sends this jumbo, super long text, tell me how he is still in love with me, how his engagement was just a spur of the moment and he didn’t think it would last (turns out she was moving to el Paso) and other romantic and heart felt emotional confession that I had wanted from him. Well we talk and talked for hours and he even video chatted with me the next day and it was perfect. For a week, then the next week came and we got into one disagreement and one argument. He broke up with me, saying that he only wanted to be friends. How does someone go from I just want to be with you to let’s just be friends? Well I backed off and then again, He got my hopes up and then crushed them again, this time it was on my birthday. He was out clubbing, posting on snapchat some girl dancing on a pole and then goes on Facebook and says he is a in a relationship with some girl. My heart breaks and I just can’t take the whole, one minute he is calling me every Sunday telling me he loves me and he likes our weekly calls and then the next him and some white trash bitch are in a relationship??? Like what the fuck? So, I call him out on it with a long message bout how I feel and how it’s not fair how he keeps leading me on. At this point, we spent so much time not talking I was just becoming more and more depressed and I felt like I was back in a relationship with my miserable ex who would do the same thing of ignore me and then popping back up when it was convenient for him, And I told him that that was a deal breaker for me. Like I get we can’t talk every day, but somethings are better than nothing. He sends back that he is sorry that he never meant to make me feel this way, that he is not going to let me go without a fight and I guess to me that made it all better for the time. HE went back to ignoring me and at this point I was just numb. I didn’t want to upset or make him leave so I just bit my tongue and just stayed waiting by the phone. The holidays rolled around. He was extra affectionate and adorable. But when they were over so were we. I had enough of the ignoring and when I throw shade via snapchat he replied that he needed space and felt like I was forcing this relationship on him. At that point I just said okay and let him leave. A few days latter came the accident and it just seemed like my life was really in the shit hole now.  He texted to make sure was alright, and then again, a few days later asking if I still loved him. I said that if he had to ask then I guess I was shoeing you just how much I loved you or that you just didn’t care or want to see. I also asked if he wanted to be with me and he flat out said no. So, I took that no and just came moving with my life. That was Feb 2018, we didn’t talk for the rest of the month or any of march or the beginning of April. At one point, I got a notification that he was trying to message me on snapchat back in march, when I got off work, but he didn’t send anything. I remember saying I am so done with that loser. April was a weird month because he started messaging me again, but I would ignore them, then eventually I would reply no picture just a simple hello, then I send one picture and the flood gates swing wide open. He starts messaging me about work and other like stuff and then he mentions about an army ball and just idle chit chat. Then one night he tells me that he misses me. I tell him that he is okay, and then we fight and it ends with him asking me to marry him. I say yes because…. tbh I don’t know why I said yes, maybe because I loved him, maybe because of the fear of dying alone, maybe because I wanted what everyone else had, I don’t know. And from April 2018 to Aug 2018, then were going fine, we talk almost every day, usually it was just a good morning beautiful message but I just remembered to bite my tongue and be a good fiancé. Eventually came his birthday, I wanted to send him a long heart felt message, but I kept it short and sweet. Then for my birthday I get a message from him that just says happy birthday. I cried. Here I was on my 24th birthday cry over a man who has put me through so much hell. So, I just ignore, I tell my self at least he sent something. I got another message from him a week later. It was a picture of him with the caption baby with heart eye emojis. I ignored it because I didn’t want to be left on read for a whole week. When I finally replied he left me on read. So, I messaged him if we were good. His reply, “Yes? I guess? I should mention that someone from the past has come back and things are going well for us… I wanted to smash my phone into a million pieces. I reply so there is no place for me then. And tbh I wanted to say way worse. I honestly don’t know what kept me from not finding out the girl and sending her all our messages. He then replies that.” There is always room for you, things just happen, I’m sorry” My heart was done, I was done, I had no words left. So, I wrote a quick message about being tired of constantly giving into him and him not understand that when you love someone you don’t hurt them and that I was never talking to him ever again. I also screen shot all out conversations about him always saying he loves me and how he was the one that asked me to marry him after I clearly said we need time apart. Then once he says the message I deleted me snapchat, unfriend him on Facebook and deleted my twitter (twitter is were I would also see his profile and back in august, one of his “friends” complain about her job and goes, Its life babe)

 So here I am two weeks post 2 year break up, no more him for good this time. I just miss being someone’s significant other. I miss being in love. I miss him. Well this kind of helped I started this at 10:20pm and it is now 12:11am. Times flies okay until next time peace and love

[life-love-and-sports]

When I became single in 2016 I was so excited. I had the opportunity to meet someone new, and for some reason I thought it would be easy. I went on Plenty of Fish and boom! a girl who was everything I was looking for, short, pretty, with a wonderfully written profile that said everything I could possibly want a girl to write... I messaged her and nothing. That was the start of the struggle. 6 years later and I am still single.

It is rare that I match someone on any of the dating apps and when I do, it is even rarer for that person to be capable of communicating beyond one word responses. It has been extremely frustrating. This was especially bad in 2018, I was very down due to loneliness from the holidays through February it was really bad but no one knew it except me. But in 2019 I had made some positive changes and changed my mindset. I really grew as a person and learned to enjoy my own company more. And the following holiday season in 2019, I just really embraced what I did have.

But that is still a very long time without affection, with out someone to care for and have care for me. In 2018 I did meet a girl and it went well but she lived an hour and a half away and due to her anxiety wasn't able to cover any of the drive, so I would of had to fight traffic and get a hotel any time I wanted to see her, plus I had some other concerns about her so I decided not to continue seeing her. Another time, later in 2018 or 2019 who knows, time flies, I met a girl through work and asked her out and she said yes. Well we never actually ended up going out but we got along really well...she stopped talking to me(ghosted) and I saw she had a guy and her set as her Facebook picture, I see they now have a kid together. So I feel like I just missed out there, maybe they were already talking when we met and already had something about to start.

Here recently, I got back on POF(it is mostly trash), I met a girl and things were going well... she gave me her number and I texted her the next day and nothing... She had mentioned she was going to her sister-in-law's birthday party that weekend and the following weekend we were supposed to do something. I saw that the text I sent was read about 10 hours after I sent it. So I sent another message on POF but she never logged back on. So a few days later, I just sent one last text message that basically said "hey, not sure if you got my first text but if you don't respond to this one I'll take the hint lol" and no response but it was read about 3 hours after I sent it. Did she meet someone that weekend? Did she die and her family was looking at her phone? Who the hell knows but these are the kind of things that happen.

Then I matched with a girl on Bumble and she could actually write in complete sentences... then she said she has been seeing someone for 4 months and he suggested he get on there to talk to other men since she missed him so much when they weren't together... really, really, just stupid.

Bumble, Tinder, Hinge, POF... it gets me no where. And it doesn't help that I've lived a life full of loneliness and have missed out on so much already. I feel cursed to be alone, I can't meet anyone who is a decent person. And I see other people in relationships for years and then they break up and both are instantaneously with another person and end up getting married to that person... how does that happen for people???

Anyways just venting to myself basically as no one will read this. Do you know who I could send a text message to right now and convey any of this to? No one.

[emulateharry]

Flicker

This is my first Niall. Hope you like it. Love to my wonderful friends who always encourage me @niallandharrymakemestrong and @melissas173 .

“Damn it!”  The words exploded from his mouth as he banged his fist on the steering wheel.  The early evening sun, slipping slowly from the sky, was directly in his eyes as he sat in traffic.  He hadn’t moved more than 100 yards in almost an hour.  The woman in the car to his right was reading a book while the guy in the car behind him was jamming to some deep bass funk which was causing his head to pound.  He just wanted to get home, crack open a beer and turn on the Golf Channel but he was pretty sure that his girlfriend would have something to say about that.

CeeCee was always harping on him to watch some silly movie with her or play some stupid board game or even do a jigsaw puzzle…like they were 85 years old or something.  She just couldn’t understand that when he got home all he wanted to do was zone out for a little bit, to let the stress of the day dissipate before having a conversation or doing chores or trying to fake some romance.  They’d been arguing more and more lately.  The one last night had ended when he loudly suggested, well technically he shouted, that she should have dated Harry if she wanted candles and romcoms and bubble baths.  She had looked at him with filling eyes and replied quietly “Maybe I should have” before locking herself in the bedroom.  He had slept on the couch.

He had tried texting her today but had received curt responses, her last text was from two hours ago.

I‘m on my way home.  We need to talk.

He was sure she was going to be angry that he was so late but this traffic jam was unbelievable.  He was about to bang the steering wheel again when the car in front of him started to advance slowly.  As the line of cars inched forward he could see flashing lights up ahead.  Fifteen more minutes of crawling along and the cause of the delay came into view.  An old pick-up truck had tangled with what looked to have been a sedan.  There were ambulances, fire trucks and police cars along with a few plain official looking vehicles bracketing the wreckage and blocking the road.  First responders were everywhere and a uniformed officer was directing the cars to merge and move into the emergency lane.   He looked over to the accident and saw two men loading a covered stretcher into a van.  Oh.  That’s what took so long, there was a fatality.  Closer to the center of the chaos he saw an officer bend down and pick up the broken grille from the crushed black car and place it in a bag.  Feeling a bit guilty for his earlier impatience over what was clearly a tragedy for someone, he calmly maneuvered around the scene and onto the road just beyond.

He arrived home about 30 minutes later just as the sun was about to set.  The sky was a brilliant deep pink and the few clouds were a deep purple against it.  He admired it quietly before unlocking the door and going inside.  The alarm was off so he called out “Babe, I’m home.”   There was no answer.  “CeeCee?  I’m home!” he said in a louder voice.  Again no answer.  As he walked towards the bedroom the house was quiet, he strained to hear if the water was running in the shower.  No.  His room was empty, the pile of his dirty laundry on the floor just as he had left it that morning when he realized that he had overslept.  He turned around and headed to the kitchen for that beer, pulling out his phone to call her on the way.  The phone didn’t even ring, it just went straight to voicemail.  He texted her as he popped the top of the bottle of Stella and wandered into the lounge.  Plopping on the sofa, he grabbed the remote and turned on the TV.  There was an old interview with Jack Nicklaus on and he began to watch.

He had finished his beer and got up to go get another when it occurred to him that she hadn’t answered his text.  He punched in her number but voicemail picked up immediately once again.  He sent a text and sat back on the sofa, a hint of unease prickling the back of his neck.  

Something kept flitting through his mind trying to get his attention but he couldn’t quite grasp it.  Golf Central was just coming on and the sportscasters were giving updates on the CJ Cup and the Andalucia Valderrama Masters.  Niall was barely paying attention, his mind trying to connect with whatever it was that his subconscious wanted to show him.  An advert for a luxury car interrupted the golf news and suddenly it clicked.  The grille the officer picked up.  It was a Mercedes.  The wrecked car he had passed on his way home was a black Mercedes.  CeeCee drove a black Mercedes.

His heart pounding, he grabbed his phone and hit redial.

“Hi! I can’t come to the phone right now because I’m busy.  You heard me; I’m busy.  Leave a message.  Buh-bye!”

“Babe call me as soon as you get this message please!  Right away. Please.”

His voice sounded a bit desperate but he didn’t care.  He hit end and checked for a text.  Nothing.  Maybe she had come home and tired of waiting for him.  Maybe she had gone out to have dinner with a friend.  Or her Mom.  Or by herself.  He picked up the remote and opened up the security camera app.  Scanning quickly in reverse he realized that she hadn’t been home since the morning.  He paused the video when she appeared on the screen.  The time stamp was 06:15.  Pressing play he watched the output from the cameras.  He was able to follow her as she walked down the stairs and into the lounge.   She was dressed in her favorite suit with her blonde hair pulled into a neat ponytail.   She looked tired.  Niall hit pause and looked at her.  He was almost surprised at how beautiful she was.  How had he forgotten? What the hell was wrong with him?

He resumed the video and watched her as she stood looking at him sleeping on the sofa.  Her expression was sad as she leaned over him and kissed his temple and stroked his hair while he slept on unaware. She straightened again and then walked to the door, grabbing her purse and briefcase and keys before leaving and closing the door behind her.  

Niall picked up his phone to call her again.  No answer.  Oh my god.  What if…No.  No.  How could he find out for sure?  The authorities wouldn’t call him, he was just her boyfriend, not her next of kin.  Stop it!  Her parents.  They would notify her parents.  Heart pounding he called her mom.   She hadn’t heard from CeeCee either and made him promise that he would bring her over for dinner on the weekend.  

He spent the next hour calling all her friends, her office and her cell.  She was nowhere.  He couldn’t just sit there any longer or he would lose his mind.  She was just late.  Something had come up.  That was it.  He decided to make dinner.  He decided on chicken with roasted veggies, her favorite meal.  He used to cook for her all the time.  He loved the smile that would light up her face when she came in after a long day to find the table set with flowers and candles.  No matter what he prepared she claimed it was her favorite meal.  He hadn’t brought her flowers in…how long had it been?  A month? Longer? Why hadn’t he?

After putting the food in the oven to bake, and calling her again to leave yet another message, he set the table with her favorite dishes.   Rummaging in a drawer he found her candle stash and arranged several of them in the center of the table.  Taking the rest, he placed them around the kitchen and the lounge and the entry hall, lighting all of them.  Soft sweet scents wafted into the air and he closed his eyes as he remembered the argument they’d had a couple of weeks ago about her buying the expensive candles.   It had been a bad day in the studio and he had come home to dozens of candles burning.  When he found the receipt, he had picked a fight with her eager to vent some of his frustration.  He had ranted at her for spending hundreds of dollars on wax.  She had just gone around the room, blowing out the flames and went up to their room.  He had followed her, still griping about her frivolous purchase.  She had finally closed the bathroom door in his face and locked it.  He still remembered hearing her cry over the sound of the shower running.  What the fuck was wrong with him?  It wasn’t like they couldn’t afford them.

He sat in one of the dining room chairs and stared at the tapers flickering in the slight breeze that his breathing caused; his mind skipping around to memories of her.

He thought of when he first met her at that ‘Irish’ pub on St. Patrick’s Day and he thought she hadn’t recognized him.  She just kept giggling at his ‘phony Irish accent’ insisting that no one really talked with a brogue that thick.  He realized that she was teasing him after she snuck one too many One Direction song titles into the conversation and he finally caught on.  They had laughed together and sang gloriously off-key songs the rest of the night.  He’d asked for her number and she had let him kiss her as the Uber driver waited patiently.  Before getting into the car she had stroked his cheek and smiled that beautiful smile at him and his heart nearly leapt from his chest.  He had called her five minutes after the car pulled away just to hear her voice again.

He thought of the first time he made love to her. He was nervous and had been trying to be so smooth but he had tripped on his boot and nearly knocked them both to the floor.  She had just busted out laughing and grabbed his face and kissed him until he could scarcely breathe.  After that there had been no awkwardness and they had moved together as if they had rehearsed.  She was passionate and giving and he was overwhelmed at the intimacy he felt with her.  It was the most intense experience he’d ever had and he was confused about the emotions he was feeling.  They had practically just met and he was falling in love with her.

He thought of when he had met her mom and dad.  They had driven out to the country club for dinner and he had been intimidated until her dad began talking about his favorite subject: golf.  While CeeCee and her mom had quietly discussed Niall, he was having a great time listening to her dad regale him with stories of all the greats he had met and even a few he had played with.  They had driven back to his place after dinner and she beamed at him as he gushed about how much he had liked her parents.  After that he played a round or two with her dad as often as he could and then the men would meet the ladies for lunch.  Those times he got a glimpse into what a future with her might look like.

He remembered the first time he told her that he loved her.  The words demanded to be said but he was afraid.  He wasn’t sure he wanted a commitment so soon and yet they were on the tip of his tongue all that evening.  He had been trying so hard to keep it to himself that he had not paid attention to anything she said.  When she called him on it, he had blurted out “I love you” as his excuse. She had sat frozen for a moment before her eyes welled up a bit and she said “Heaven help me, I love you too.”  It wasn’t long after that he had asked her to move in with him.  Sometimes he wondered if they were rushing things but he didn’t want to wait.

He wasn’t sure when it had started to unravel.  He had become busy working on the album and his tour and getting the band together.  He began to travel and would forget to call her.  When he did finally remember she always seemed upset with him.  He started to notice that little things about her began to annoy him, things he hadn’t seen at first.  Like her insistence that she would do the dishes before bed instead of immediately after dinner.  Like she didn’t always put her shoes in the closet after she took them off.  Like she forgot to stop by the dry cleaners after work like she had promised.  Her excuse was that she had wanted to get home to see him but that didn’t make the clothes appear.  Slowly he began to feel as if something was missing.  They started arguing more, and he knew it was his fault.  He had begun to take her for granted.  He stopped seeing her and appreciating her and the relationship began to wilt from his inattention.  As he sat there in the dark watching the tiny flames bob, he hoped that what they’d had wasn’t gone.

He pulled out his phone to call her and as her recorded voice came over the speaker, he heard a key in the door.  He rushed to open it, surprising her, and she gasped.  He pulled her into the house, kicking the door closed behind her.  Taking her things from her he dropped them on the floor before pulling her into a tight embrace.  She was confused by his intensity but returned his hug.  Laying her head against his chest she heard him say “Please don’t leave” over and over like a mantra.  She reached up to kiss his cheek and found that it was wet.

“Niall, what’s wrong?” she asked, concern clouding her features.

“I love you baby.   I love you and I’m sorry for being such an arse lately.  I love you and I’m sorry for not telling you and showing you.  I love you.”