#the psychological torture that Neil thought up for us all

[toointojoelmiller]

Getting my boomer coworkers all obsessed with season 1 of The Last of Us knowing what is in store for them in the coming seasons might be the most evil thing I’ve ever done

[afurtivecake]

Ichirou opinions Neil's handling of the countdown opinions

Oh boy, starting this ask thing off strong eh. let's fucking goooo

i kinda like the idea of Ichirou being just a secret yakuza boss trying to live his secret yakuza boss life. you have to understand that 90% of the time, i go with the headcanon that i find the funniest and to me, the funniest option is if ichirou really could not give less of a shit about exy or about professional sports in general and he's actually pretty annoyed people keep shoving mics into his face to ask about exy. like gun to his head, could not name an exy position other than "person who stands by the wall and doesn't move". he has PEOPLE for that shit. if he really wanted to know something about exy, he'd get tetsuji to yap at him. he just wants to get back to being the boss of crime and maybe marry his fiancé at some point. i like to think that 80% of a few pro-athlete salaries is like a drop in the bucket to him. it's not going to make or break his bank but making that deal was more about maintaining control over the remaining loose ends than about gaining something actually useful out of a bunch of broke college kids.

but also, i think it's fun to imagine him being just as sadistic as riko, if not more, but in like a more psychological way. riko likes to do the hurting himself (makes him feel powerful or something) but ichirou already knows he's powerful and he prefers having other people do the torturing for him and just sitting back and watching like some sort of bloody-thirsty roman emperor. i like to think he had a lot of fun getting nathan to torture people for him. he tells neil that his father "was someone to [him]" and it's up to the reader to guess what he meant. but i like to think of it as ichirou fondly remembering all those times nathan just seemed to know what ichirou wanted to see when hurting a person even without ichirou giving a command. all those times he watched his father's butcher carve up a person as though he were putting on a show just for him. i think there's something compelling about the idea of ichirou being a character who's always immaculate and controlled but is hiding something sick and deeply twisted under the surface.

yeah uh, it's probably not that deep; i just like what i like. i think it comes down to the fact that i've pretty much always liked fictional fucked up power dynamics and unconscionable sadistic characters. it tickles my brain a certain way.

as for neil's countdown. well, i think he's already so used to counting down the days he has left to live in his head by that point that receiving a daily countdown feels a lot like having a personal secretary put his thoughts down in writing and sending it to him like meeting minutes or something just so that he has physical record of it. it's not new to him and it's not a threat he's not already anticipating. you can't psych out someone who's already anticipating the worst with a few sequential numbers. speaking as someone who's kind of used to feeling the stress of impending doom nearly constantly, yeah there's a lot of shit that you can just brush over and ignore if it's not a really imminent threat. like, come back when you've actually got a cleaver to put at my throat, thanks. in the mean time, i'm just going to keep trying to deal with the million other things that are also fucked up and keeping me up at night, yk?

[myers-meadow]

House of 1000 Corpses AU ch. 6.1: Initiation

Title: chapter 6 Initiation

Summary: Doe Eyes' initiation into the darker part of the family. Shared AU with @immortal-velociraptor and @vincent-sinclair-deserved-better, who Blinky and Selena belong to, respectively.

Wordcount: 2278

Warnings: canon-typical stuff. Gore, blood, grossness, psychological torture, cigarettes. Also: some fluff.

Trying to make chapters smaller so it's less daunting for me to write, so I cut the current chapter I'm working on in two (the thing is already longer than 5k words and I'm still going). Quite a large chunk of this was written weeks ago. Hope you enjoy <3

Divider by firefly-graphics as always.

“What you wanna do with him, princess?” Otis asked, as I finished my braid, leaving the end untied for now. It was greasy enough for it to stay decently enough. His hand that first pet my head, now warmed my thigh. “Take his fingers? His hand? Baby’d wanna scalp him, we can do that too. It’d be fitting.”

“Do you want to use him for a project?” I asked, keeping my voice quiet. The excitement was practically buzzing from Otis as he thought of the numerous ways he could torture poor Neil, but he kept his attention on me.

He hummed. “Don’t think this one’s inspiring me much. So, tell me, what’s your idea? I can tell you have some in that big brain of yours.”

“What you do with him is not up to me, you do as you like anyway.”

Glancing at panicked yet tired Neil did not give me any hope for him. His fate was sealed the moment he set foot in this house.

Otis barked out a laugh. “You’re part of this, whether you like it or not. May as well have some fun with it. Come on, Doe Eyes.”

“Okay, fine, but outside,” I said, playing with the charm on my earring.  

After telling him my idea in hushed voices in the hallway, Otis could not contain his grin – and I felt like a true part of the Firefly family, however strange that sounded. Not wanting to see or hear whatever he got up to until it was time for my part in it, I wandered the house to look for chores to do.

“Doe Eyes! There you are,” it was Blinky, who rounded the corner, rushing to get to the attic.

“Blink! What are you up to?”

“Selena said that RJ was trying to catch raccoons, but that will hurt them, so we need to save the them.”

“Ah, I’ll come with. He put traps in the attic?”

After gathering the traps, and making sure neither of us got hurt in the process, we sat in their room with a bowl of sugary cereal.

“I don’t think there’s really any raccoons,” I tried, to make sure they wouldn’t worry, “or we would’ve seen traces of them up there.”

“After all that crawling around, we have to do something fun,” they said, head already somewhere else. Resolutely they set the bowl down on the nightstand. “Baby went through her old make-up, wanna try something out?”

“Yeah, of course. I’ll be your canvas if you like.”

Blinky chatted as they did my make-up, something colourful, in pink and blue. I wasn’t allowed to talk or I’d move my face too much. At the end, they held a mirror up like they would at the hairdresser’s. “What do you think?”

“It’s so pretty, thank you. My turn next? I have an idea.”

“Oh, exciting!” They sat down, kicking their feet since they were short enough for them not to touch the floor.

“Sit still,” I warned, although that was just a formality, a habit. It didn’t matter if it takes a little longer. Dipping the brush into yellow first. I wasn’t practiced like Blinky was, but I used to paint kid’s faces sometimes, on special days at the end of the school year – colourful things.

“There, all done,” I said, trying to hide that I was proud of how good it came out. A yellow-brown butterfly, the one with many gorgeous eyes on its wings. I held the mirror up to show them. “Mein schöner Augenfalter. Do you like it?”

After dinner, it was time to do my part of the idea I had – wanted to give Neil the advantage of darkness. Nerves made my hands tremble and my heart race. I went up the stairs, feeling like each step made terrible noise from how uncoordinated my body felt, then crept in Otis’ dark room, only lit by a strip from the door that I left open to hear if anyone was coming. Neil’s chair was in the middle of the room, his back to me. The knife still stuck in the arm rest of the chair where Neil was sitting. He looked pretty beaten up, cuts all over, some even on his face and I cringed just looking at him. But now was to moment to prove my worth, my place in this family – so I kneeled down in front of the chair and pried the knife from the wood.

“Hey Neil,” I whispered. He was awake, and tried saying something through the rag in his mouth. I held my finger in front of my lips. “You gotta be very silent, okay?”

Pulling the gag down, he coughed and licked his dry lips, trying to croak out words, I shook my head.

“Quiet, or they’ll hear you.”

“What are you doing?”

“What does it look like? They’re all downstairs in the living room, except Tiny, he’s in the basement. Can you remember that?” With the knife out of the way, I untied the ropes binding his wrists and torso.

“You’re all going to jail for this,” he managed to get out.

I halted my movements, raising my eyebrows at him. “Do you prefer me to leave you here?”

Neil’s eyes widened as he realised he messed up again. “I mean, you’re with them, aren’t you?”

I shook my head. “I was like you not too long ago,” and I pushed up my sleeve enough for him to see one of the scars, “but it’s fine. Even if I go to jail, it’s fine. Please just get help.”

Neil, impatient, bend down to help me undo the ropes around his ankles. He looked at me then, only nodded.

“There’s a set of car keys by the door or in one of the coat pockets. They have a dog tied outside somewhere. I’m gonna go back downstairs and try to keep everyone there for a bit – wait until I’m down, yeah? Yeah.”

And so it began. I trailed back downstairs, where I made tea with hands that shook so bad I only dared fill the cup halfway. The danger of what I did felt terrible. What if Neil really got away? What if he really went to the police and- the thought of it was too much, making my heart beat a terrible rhythm. Blinky in jail- no, never, that should never happen. Even if Blinky was safe, and Selena too, on reasonable grounds of having been imprisoned, the thought of the rest of the family torn apart and imprisoned like common criminals was a horrifying thought. They had it coming, according to some, perhaps. But no, this family was more than just- than just criminals. They were a family. It felt like they were well and truly above the law, like nothing of the morals and values of the world outside of this house applied to them. And by now, I’m part of this. I’m part of this family. I pulled the tea bag from the mug and left it for later on the counter; time to go to the living room and hope for the best.

Mrs. Firefly, Baby and Blinky occupied the couch; RJ and Ghost must be in RJ’s room. Or walking the dog. Once I reached the living, Otis pulled me to sit with him in the armchair.

“Careful with the tea,” I said, which he ignored. I sat down on the matching ottoman in front of him. Our knees bumped into each other, which only further frayed my nerves.

He leaned forward. “You’re nervous.”

I hummed as I took a first sip of the tea that was still too hot, but I needed the comfort.

“Let’s have smoke,” he said as he stood up, expecting me to follow.

The cold January wind bit my face as soon as we stepped outside. Otis got the pack of cigarettes from his pocket, let me take one first.

He chuckled as he lit it for me and I took a first, big drag.

“Shut up,” I said, before he even opened his mouth.

“Don’t you love a good hunt?” he said, choosing to ignore me. He breathed in deep. “Can already smell the fear.”

“That’s just me.”

He put his smokes away – did he take me outside just so I could smoke?

“Princess, what are you afraid of? It’s not your hide on the line.” His voice was smoother as he talked, pleasant to the ears. As I toyed with the cigarette and looked anywhere but him, he trailed his finger up my arm, teasingly. He steadied my hand, raising it to his face so he could take a drag for himself.

“You’re in a good mood and it’s making me even more nervous,” I mumbled, messing with my earrings. His hand found a spot at the back of my head, underneath the braid, and he pulled it lightly so I’d look up at him as I exhaled the smoke. His unusual amber eyes searched my face, and as he pulled at my hair, that specific spot, it was like a switch flipped. His hold was not tight, but I felt like a puppet, easy for him to manipulate, easy for him to overpower – cruel hands so tender then, so sure of their hold on me. It was an almost a primal, base feeling, something ingrained, something I couldn’t stop. With a soft gasp, my eyes flickered shut as arousal stabbed my gut unexpectedly with each small tug.

“That’s a sweet sound, princess,” he chuckled darkly. “Be patient, I’ll spoil you after I’m done with the Scot.” His breath was hot on my face, and I felt caged by his presence alone. His tongue darted out to wet his lips as he looked to mine. “You can be good and wait for me tonight, yeah?” Then he let go of my hair, and the spell was broken. Shakily, I took a last drag, staring at my boots in the mud.

As soon as I caught a glimpse of Neil’s auburn hair, I retreated to brush my teeth, even though it was rather early. In the bathroom, I stared at myself for a long while, before washing my make-up off. I looked normal. Fine. Just like any other day. It felt like I should be going grey from stress by now, but no, no such thing. A dangerous mood to be alone in, but I didn’t want to worry Blinky, and Baby would just tease me about Otis. I was already halfway down the stairs to the basement, before I realised that it was Tiny I headed to. I knocked and he opened the heavy basement door.

“Hi, Tiny, how are you? Can I stay here for a little bit? You can kick me out any time.”

His movements slow, he stepped aside to let me enter, and nodded to let me know he understood me. He handed me the book on his nightstand, even though Mrs. Firefly said he couldn’t hear well, and gestured me to sit down on his bed and read to him. The story was a simple adventure story, and halfway through, tiny laid down with his head in my lap. Not long after that, his eyes fell closed, and I replaced my thigh with the pillow, hoping he’d continue his sleep.

Immediately as I closed the basement door behind me, being careful with the noise even though Tiny wouldn’t hear, the dread and jitters were back. Right. Neil.

Up the stairs, on my way to brush my teeth a second time – just to stall, I passed Otis’ open door. He noticed me walk by, and went over to pull me inside, a knife in his hand, blood dripping on the floor.

“Nice of you to join us,” he said, grinning smugly. “All thanks to you, Neil and I had a nice time getting to know each other, didn’t we, Neil? Why don’t you say ‘thank you’ to sweet Doe Eyes for setting you free?”

Otis pulled down the gag and Neil spit out a string of profanities so vile, I flinched. “You betrayed me, you fucking cunt-”

Otis, who noticed my discomfort, shoved the gag back in his mouth, but the grin remained on his face. I’d truly done my part, and my stomach twisted itself into knots.

“Oh, Doe Eyes, come over here for a second, yeah, come ‘ere,” Otis opened his arms for me, and feeling lost and sick, I walked around Neil’s chair and right into them. He pressed a kiss to the top of my head, then rubbed my back. “You did well, real well. Couldn’t have thought of a better gift.”

“Gift?” I echoed, swallowing the bile in my throat. He released me, turning his attention back to poor Neil.

Otis chuckled. “If you wanna give the knife a try, he’s all yours.”

“No,” I said, voice firm for the first time that day.

Otis shrugged and twirled the knife in his hand. The handle was slippery with blood. “No matter.”

“I’m gonna try to sleep,” I said. “Do you know if Baby still has hers? If not, I can sleep with her if it’s quieter.”

He shook his head. “She’s gonna stretch ‘em out for a while – had a crush on the short one.” With the confidence of a jaguar, he walked around the tied man, seizing me up like he once seized Neil up. His eyes caught mine and it felt like a stab in my gut. “Don’t forget my promise, we’ll play too, tonight. I won’t be long.”

“You know Spaulding will complain if you don’t keep it down; don’t make it too late.”

[thusatlas]

Can we talk about Barty Crouch Jnr?

This tweaked bastard has been living in my head, rent free, since I read the Goblet of Fire - in 2005.

Think how much rent that is! 

You see, this malevolent set of cheekbones is not only a brilliant portrayal of a true psychopath, but he’s also somewhat responsible for Voldemort’s death. And it all comes down to one, beautiful, sweet, doe-eyed glow-up baby - 

Let me lay out fifteen years of thoughts here for you.

1. Is he a psychopath? 

Well first let’s define psychopath. I’ve spent much time toiling over this conundrum for my Masters (not as long as Barty Crouch Jnr but enough). Hollywood has made the image of a psychopath synonymous with Hannibal or Patrick Bateman, but let me assure you - that is a very, very small percentage of what would actually be considered a psychopath. According to the DSM - V, there is no such thing diagnostically as a “psychopath”. This is for two reasons: law and philosophy. Philosophically speaking, the MindBody Problem is still at the forefront of conversations about the conscious, and so when faced with the paradox of a psychopath, the MindBody problem freaks the fuck out. Briefly, this problem is that we as neuroscientists and psychologists can map most - if not all - the ‘hardware’ of the brain. So the mechanical actions like moving your arm or drinking some tea. The hard problem - the actual problem - is we haven’t got a fucking clue what the Mind is. It’s all a bit... ineffable (that is legitimately how we academically put it, Neil Gaiman = God). Religion says that the Mind is the soul. Science says - we haven’t got a fucking clue what it is; it’s qualia, its unquantifiable experience that effects your entire worldview and make you wholey unique from everyone else on the planet. 

And we can’t fucking find it on a map - hence its a problem. 

Now this ineffable, unquantifiable mind, soul, conscious whatever you want to call it, is the thing that directs your moral compass. Psychopaths seem to present behaviour that does not prescribe to the moral code that we, in our relative societies have agreed upon. There is evidence to suggest that they do not feel guilt, which is a key ingredient in Moral psychology (I direct you to the research of Jonathon Haidt). Within the law, internationally, individuals with psychopathic traits are perceived as being predicated to criminal behaviour - therefore, exempt from taking any insanity defence. Now within psychology, because of the law and philosophy, and the mindbody problem - IT’S VERY FUCKING HARD TO DIAGNOSE A PSYCHOPATH BECAUSE WE CAN’T DECIDE WHAT ONE IS, because of all of the above. It’s all very... grey.

But what we can agree on, is there is a list of qualities that you would usually find in a psychopath, these are measured on the PCL-R  (Hare 2003) and the PPI-R (Lilienfield and Widows 2005):  

Machiavellian Egocentricity

Rebellious Nonconformity

Blame Externalisation

Carefree Nonplanfulness

Social Influence

Fearlessness

Stress Immunity

Coldheartedness

Early behavioural problems

Lack of realistic long term goals

Juvenile Delinquency

Parasitic Lifestyle

As you can see, Voldemort was a psychopath, but I digress. Barty, not so sure, and this is earmarked with the fact that we don’t know the entirety of his character. By the time he’s outed the first time, he has a seat on the Wizengamot and Crouch Snr is all shocked - like he never saw this behaviour coming. It can be inferred that a) Crouch Jnr is a excellent liar, capable of manipulation those closest to him with machiavellian behaviour; b) probably quite a well behaved young boy. So I would disregard the idea of juvenile delinquency and early behavioural problems. 

And this scene stands as evidence that Crouch Jnr is capable of Rebellious Nonconformity as well as Blame Externalisation. We know that he was a politician prior and well liked, so I will again infer that he had Social Influence. I will also infer that he had a predilection for Stress Immunity given he was outed infront of the entire court room and his reaction was this: 

Not screaming and running for the high hills. I’ll raise you the fact that he was undercover as Moody for an entire year, rubbing shoulders with Dumbledore, and seemed pretty chill about the whole thing given that he was acting in, what I can imagine to be, was a very stressful situation. 

So as you can see, a fair argument could be made for Crouch Jnr to be diagnosed as a genuine psychopath. 

And yet we come to the reason why this has bothered me for fifteen years. 

2. The Character Development of Neville Longbottom

It’s a well loved narrative that Neville goes from the bumbling bucktooth first year, to the Gryffindor God slaying Nagini in the Battle of Hogwarts. 

...deceased. 

Anyway, years 1,2,3 Neville is still treated as the weakling: he’s forgetting books, he’s leaving Common Room passwords lying around so that they’re stolen by nefarious Kneezles who let in escaped convicts etc etc. Come forth year, we open with Neville stepping in the trick-step that everyone knows to miss and yet bumbling Neville, still doping along. At this point, you’re like, ‘na this kid is gonna die because he trips over his own shoelaces or something.’ 

And then that fateful Unforgiveable Curses lesson happens. 

For those who need reminding, here Neville offers up the Cruciatus curse to which Professor Moody - aka Barty Crouch Jnr, tortures a spider using it as a demonstration. Neville is stricken by the whole event because of his parents. After the lesson, Hermione hurries Ron and Harry (who haven’t really realised that Neville was that effected) to find Neville who staring at a wall in a side corridor or stairwell - I can’t remember which. Neville’s shellshocked, saying he’s fine but keeps talking about dinner. He’s in full trauma. 

Then Moody Crouch comes along.

3. The paradox

Moody Crouch then takes a traumatised Neville to his office, gently reassuring him, offering him tea and calling him ‘laddy’. Here, he tells Neville that Professor Sprout was singing his praises in Herbology and gifts him the book on African plants, I think it was. This book is what Harry and Ron see him avidly reading later. This is the start of his love of herbology, which then leads to him being the one to get Harry through the second challenge, which then allows Harry to go on and touch the portkey Triwizard cup. Whilst also setting Neville on the path of having confidence in himself. By book 5, Neville’s braver, he’s no longer forgetting things, and this only improves by the time we get to the Battle of Hogwarts where he becomes a literal Hero from a Greek Myth. 

So, Psychopathic Machiavellian behaviour would say, he needs to get Harry on side. You do that by showing that you care. So you go over-board punishing the known bullies and enemies:

Whilst being nice to Harry’s friends (Neville with the book). He could have deliberately orchestrated the Unforgiveable curses lesson, in the attempt to traumatise Neville so that he could then be the Hero and be seen looking after him by Harry. Then you use the friend as a means to ensure that Harry is able to get through the second challenge, by setting him on the path of plants. Ergo, you complete you mission and your year long con. You got Potter to the graveyard, to the Dark Lord - you’re the best little psychopath and nobody suspected you the entire time. 

BUT. He was nice. He was caring. He was tender with Neville. 

And if you remember, psychopaths also have a tendency to have a Lack of realistic long term goals, and have behaviours that display Carefree Nonplanfulness and Coldheartedness. Getting Harry to the cup had to be a sure-fire thing. The plan had to be solid. It is my belief that Moody Crouch had a plan in place for every trial, but I do not believe he was the puppeteer pulling the strings. The aforementioned plan has too many if’s and but’s. Too much causality. Too much left up to circumstance. I think if Neville hadn’t done something, then Moody Crouch would have, but it was never the intention for Neville to be his tool - just a happy accident. 

While he can be ascribed to portray some true psychopathic behaviours, I don’t believe that Barty Crouch Jnr was a psychopath. I think he was just rebelling in a really hard way from his Stiff, Loveless Father. Because this moment of caring, was a product of guilt. This was where Moody Crouch’s moral compass kicked in and he began to mentor Neville throughout fourth year (like a father) thus inadvertently setting Neville on a path to defeat Voldy-bollocks. 

Thus the paradox: the best teacher Neville Longbottom ever had was a Death Eater. 

And that just fucks me up. 

Thank you for coming to my ted talk.

[hauntedoghouse]

The AFTG BNHA!au Absolutely Nobody Asked For

okay okay okay my dudes, buckle up because BNHA TFC au????????? it should happen 

In which Neil is Todoroki and Nathan is obviously Endeavor, a famous certified hero under investigation/suspicion for being tied up with the League of Villains behind the scenes and being a fucken brutal murderer, but nobody can prove fucking a n y t h i n g because he's so elusive and the #2 hero, right??? And so Mary, the Ice Mom, is practically ‘given’ to him by the Hartfords as part of a deal in a quirk marriage, which she obviously doesn't wanna be part of, her family practically sold her, the fuckers

The purpose of the quirk marriage is of course to ensure that the kid would be part of the elite in the future, someone powerful to surpass the current top heroes, an order given out by the Moriyamas, who control the League 

Nathan was supposed to be grooming young Nathaniel to be the next ‘double agent’ as a powerful hero loyal to the league, bringing both profit and high security intel, which is currently Endeavor’s job

BUT, due to his abusive nature, his hatred and his reluctance to have his son surpass him, he drove Neil to fucking psychological trauma and in combination with good ol’ spite that���s so central to Neil, he eventually unconsciously (or not) completely suppresses his fire side, which angers Nathan even more leading to even more fatherly torture

Eventually, Mary steals Neil away and they run, Neil dying his hair completely white and wearing a colored lens in his blue eye, pretending to be a normal low level ice yielder

....Until *badam* Mary fucking d i e s and Neil, driven by grief uses his fire quirk for the first time in a long time to burn her body, my poor dramatic boy probably sees it as a metaphor for Nathan finally finishing her off, defeating him :(

In his subsequent aimless wandering he stumbles upon attack scene with villains and shit, and while everyone is distracted by the main action he accidentally saves someone from a burning building using his ice

Here he meets All Might aka Wymight Wymack, who is really a mix of Aizawa and Toshinori, (let's say his og quirk was erasure and then he also got OFA)

Wymack then tells him to go to UA as he would be a worthy hero 

He initially refuses and tries to run cause Danger, but the idea gets stuck in his head (being a hero was his dream like exy is in canon) and eventually he gives in and goes through with the exam

He still pretends to be a low level ice yielder, but since his life experience on the run taught him A Lot about difficult situations, he passes easily while trying to not stand out, doing the bare minimum to pass 

Obviously he gets in, class 1-B, the underdogs, all the talented problem kids (and in which 1-A are the ravens) 

Sidenote: this would be more like real life police academy or something, where you would need an undergrad degree before you can attend, so they’re all aged up to fit tfc 

As to the others: 

Andrew = Bakugo (explosion) but not really - he is talented, calm and calculated in combat, smart, rough around the edges, often misunderstood and seen as a villain, emo and blond dhgdfl (also gay) 

always fights with Kevin/Deku 

sees Neil/Todoroki as a threat 

(beware the angst: his quirk was too uncontrollable/unpredictable due to his mental state before he went to therapy and before Nicky took the Twinyards in, so he never used his quirk as a kid against his abusers in fear of getting kicked out/hurting who he didn’t want to hurt/angering the abuser even more; instead...well y’all know what he did instead in canon 

Aaron = Monoma, copying others’ quirks - cause he is a doppelgänger, get it?? 

(again, angst: spent his life wishing he had a different quirk, something worthy to convince his mother that he was capable of becoming a hero, something to make her notice him, be proud of him, and later - something to protect himself)

Renee= Uraraka, zero gravity - she could be Shiozaki cause ,,,jesus,,, but i thought Uraraka suits her better, because she float!!!!!!!! and she Extremely!!!! Cute!!!! and had that training with Gunhead so will Not Hesitate 

also lesbeans

Seth = Hagakure, invisibility - simply because Seth is invisible in this fandom gfdhjkh 

Jeremy = Mirio (permeation) and Jean = Tamaki (manifestation) cause this is just perfect 

Nicky = Aoyama, laser belly sparkle - i mean come on, do i have to explain? they’re the same person 

Allison = Momo, creation - smart rich girl that can and will fuck you up

also (in) lesbeans (with Renee) 

Matt = Koda, can control animals with his voice - gentle giant, could be seen as intimidating due to his height but is really a sweetheart 

Dan = Kendo, big fist - assertive but sweet, will fuck you up if you’re out of line 

Kevin = Deku (One for All, super stronk) with Iida's personality, cause ya know.....Wymight is his dad dhhsksks 

Riko = Shigaraki (decays everything he touches, manchild) except not really - he was sent to UA to become a hero and therefore to become one of the assets of the League, bringing intel from the school and observing the enemy. 

He was constantly ignored by both his bro and All for One, the quirk set to be inherited by Ichirou. 

He and Kevin knew each other since they were kids, but then Kevin inherited One for All from  Dadmight and Riko threw a tantrum and destroyed Kevin’s dominant hand with his decaying quirk 

Except Kevin is too cool for him, so he adjusted his fighting style and learned to use his other hand and legs, sorry manchild, this aint yer lvl 

Tetsuji = Kurogiri, warp - is somehow one of the teachers at UA, in charge of 1-A and Riko 

So: 

Neil gets there, catches Andrew's attention and the classic Gay Bonding via 20 questions happens

After Riko exposes his true appearance and makes him use fire in public, Neil is immediately exposed to both the League (the Moriyamas, in which All for One is Kengo and after his death - Ichirou) and Nathan 

The Moriyamas don't do shit cause this is where they wanted him anyway, but Nathan is seething 

The media, with the help of fucknugget dickinson rick hoe more yamas discovers that Neil is Endeavor's son, and those who are suspicious of Nathan diss Neil

(a lot of people suspect him of being the leak that provided info about scheduling and locations that allowed villains to attack the school)

Some people - Endeavor fans - are happy for him, it's a hot mess

However, nobody can deny that it’s weird that Neil never reached out to Endeavor after coming into light, and that he hid his true quirk 

Nathan was then forced to make a public comment ie bullshit  about how this was done for protection and educational purposes so that Neil could learn to be a hero of his own, and that he always knew where his son was, what a bastard 

Nathan acts all happy with being able to reconnect with his son again and makes him come to him during summer vacation where he tortures him thoroughly (i love pain)0))) and then sends him back to UA, since he can't really kill him cause it would be too suspicious with his current reputation

Neil, out of spite and with the help of Andrew, Kevin and the foxes trains his fire quirk and enhances his ice, finally showing his true colors as a powerful hero

When he becomes stronger and has a solid footing and support, he exposes Nathan for who he is

He gets arrested and put into tartarus or some shit idk (he can die, im not picky)

As for the League, Neil tells about his father being a double agent and everything that he knows about the organisation to Wymight, and with Neil's consent he becomes a double agent of his own, except unlike his father he's really on the hero's side duh 

They take it apart piece by piece, until in the end the League gets defeated by the new age heroes since Wymight is by that point retired as a hero but still teaches at UA 

Riko is exposed as the traitor, along with his uncle

He later goes completely insane in his failed villainous pursuits, Azula style, and is taken out by the League themselves before their defeat 

Kevin, Andrew and Neil are the top three heroes, closely followed by the rest of the foxes and trojans

After graduation and all of the crazy shit that happens, Andreil become the Ultimate Power Couple, quite literally 

[thesffcorner]

The King’s Men

The King’s Men is the third book in the All for the Game written by Nora Sakavic. If you haven’t read the previous two books, then first off, why are you reading this, second, I will SPOIL EVERYTHING that happens in them. Got it? Good. Let’s start. 

I read the Raven King and started writing a review, that I just couldn’t finish. I was so shell-shocked, so absolutely floored by the way that book ends, that I couldn’t put any of the things I felt into words, and by the time I felt I could write something, I had forgotten some of the things that happened in the first half of the book. I had no desire to reread it; I had no desire to read anything really, that’s how deep the reading slump that book threw me in was. I wasn’t sure I would ever finish the series. Well, finish the series I did, and I’m happy to say that this was my favorite book. In most ways I liked it the same as book 2, but the ending really bumped it up a notch higher than The Raven King. We pick up right after the end of book 2; Neil Josten somehow managed to survive the brutality of Edgar Allen, and is back in Palmetto State, at the same time that Andrew is released from the hospital. Things aren’t looking great for the team: now that Andrew is back and off his meds, the team is back to antagonism and their 2 separate groups, something they can’t afford if they have any hopes of making to the Championship. Moreover, now that the Moriyamas know who Neil is, he can no longer hide behind his identity, and his past might finally be catching up to him. I think it’s best to go through the same points I had for the first book, so let’s start with The Plot: This is the longest book, and as such it’s the most involved plot. Not only do we follow the preliminary rounds leading up to the Spring Championship, but we also have to deal with all the revelations from the previous book: what Rico does to his teammates, his constant threats and psychological warfare over the Foxes, Kevin’s guilt for abandoning Jean to Rico’s whims, Kevin’s parentage, Neil knowing about Kevin’s parentage and Rico and Kevin knowing the truth about Neil. There is also the fact that due to Rico’s intervention Neil is now visible to the public, and of course, Andrew being sober after 2 full years of medication. It’s a lot to cover, and for the most part, I think the book handles all of these threads well. Like always with this series, I have a lot of questions that I’m sure will never be answered, so let’s start with the most obvious: the mafia plot. I was surprised to see the plot with Neil’s dad culminating around the book’s midpoint; it’s resolved before any of the Championship stuff is, which was an odd choice. The Championship, as important as it is to Neil, is still just a game; his father on the other hand is a murderer who has spent the last 8 years trying to kill Neil, and has successfully killed his mother. This section of the book was the hardest for me to read; I don’t know what it is about Sakavic wanting for Neil to suffer the most gruesome violence, but the amount of abuse this poor child has gone through is almost insane, considering he’s 19. Maybe because of what happened to him in Edgar Allen I was more prepared for the torture in this, maybe it was because I finally got desensetised to the amount of abuse in these books, but I found this slightly less emotionally taxing to read than the ending of book 2. It’s still incredibly gruesome and if you are at all triggered by this kind of stuff, stay far far away from this book (though really what are you doing reading book 3 in a series). I am not squeamish about violence or torture, but even I needed to take breaks. How Nathan’s men find Neil was something I wasn’t super clear on, but what I especially wasn’t clear on was the aftermath. I genuinely thought Nathan might maim Neil, since I had no idea what could possibly happen to get him out of that situation, and when Stuart appeared, I was shocked. His character is set up, all the way back in book 1, but I had genuinely forgotten about him in the midst of everything else, and he was welcome reveal I had not seen coming. The plot with the FBI was just bizarre to me. I have heard of people who can refuse being put under witness protection before, so that wasn’t off putting; what was, was the Feds agreeing to not only bring the Foxes to Neil, but also allow Andrew to stay with Neil the whole time he is telling them his story! I find that very hard to believe; no agency in their right mind would want an unrelated party knowing so much sensitive information about an ongoing case. In the end, we also never find out what happens to the Butcher’s Kingdom? Did they ever catch Jensen and his brother? Then there are the Moriyamas. I found the scene between Ichorou and Neil kind of funny, in how hard it tried to paint Ichorou as this dangerous, violent man who commands so much respect, while also being described as barely a 20 year old. I did appreciate that Neil was still as sharp and clever as ever, and the way he spins the events of the past two books to not only make Coach Moriyama and Rico as the villains, but also secure a future for himself, Kevin and Jean was amazing. The ending was… interesting. Look, here’s the thing: Rico absolutely was a piece of shit. He was abusive, sadistic, arrogant, unhinged and violent, and he was never shown to have any kind of redeeming qualities or even the possibility of change. But he was also still a victim; Exy was all he had, all he would ever have, and his relentless desire to get noticed by his father was humanizing. He shared that one trait with Neil and seeing him being shown a single act of kindness by Ichorou and then immediately getting shot in the head before Neil was horrifying. The fact that Neil has no morsel of remorse for him too? That was cold. Like father like son. Also does this mean that Edgar Allen won’t be a prison anymore? Evermore is no longer the Moriyama domain? Is Ichorou washing his hands off of exy? Speaking of exy, all of my criticisms still stand. However, I will say that I got used to it enough to where I honestly didn’t care or notice how out of place it was anymore. With everything happening in this book, worrying about the intricacies of how exy tied into this world became irelevant. This didn’t make the games bad or irrelevant though; I enjoyed all of the matches, especially the last 3, where some strategies and positions were changed around. Having Neil play defense against Rico was sweet revenge; I also liked that the final goal was almost a non-presence, because Neil doesn’t even know it’s happening. He’s so tired and so lost in his head that he doesn’t even realize they’d won. Honestly, having people positioned as they were at the end of the book, I almost wanted to find out more of how the world of exy looked. With Jean going to UTC, the Ravens under new management, Renee, Alison, and Dan leaving Palmetto, and Neil as captain, it would have been fun to see how the sport and the game changed. Look at me, praising a fake sport that I hated so much in book 1. Characters: I don’t think anyone reads this series for exy though, let’s be real. No, the real draw are the characters, and the relationships between them. The bulk of the character development came down in book 2; book 2 was where we found out what Andrew’s backstory was, why he and Aaron hate each-other, Nicky’s family situation, Renee’s backstory, the fallout of Seth’s murder, everything to do with Rico, Kevin and Jean, and Wymack. This book builds on all of that; Neil takes front and center role, and I really liked that. He has finally accepted that he is the glue that holds the team together; even when he’s faced with his imminent death, his first priority is protecting Andrew and the rest of the Foxes, even if that means leaving them again, knowing full well his absence would destroy them. Neil constantly thinks of himself as selfish, because he’s been taught that wanting anything other than survival is selfish, but he’s nothing but selfless. Andrew puts it best, he has a martyr complex, and he genuinely wants to do right by everyone, even if that means having little to no regard for his physical safety. He risks abuse and injuries to get people to come together, and honestly, anyone who spends time trying to crack Andrew’s shell is a saint. I didn’t much care for the Foxes when I met them, but in this book, I had fallen in love with all of them. Dan was always great, though she takes a back seat here, mostly so we can have more time to get to know the rest of the cast. Renee was always the character I struggled with the most, but I liked her a lot here. I liked that she knew exactly when to push and when to leave things be, both with Andrew and Neil. I honestly wish we could have been in her perspective when she got Jean out of Evermore, that was such a badass scene. I liked Alison least in book 1, but I loved her here. She was an amazing character; I loved that she and Neil finally got a chance to talk and come to terms with Neil being responsible for Seth’s death, that she was allowed to be angry with Neil for the entirety for book 2. She is unapologetic about everything, from how hot, rich and done up she is, to how devoted and aggressive at exy she is too. I also loved that she was the one who got the trophy shelf. Matt was always my favorite character, and he was just a gem here. I always loved him the most out of the boys, and nothing has changed; he is as funny and kind, as ever, and he was always there for Neil, even when Neil wouldn’t admit he needed help. Also his reaction to the Maserati was priceless. Nicky was the one character who I was never sold on. He is the emotional core of the group in the sense that he gives Neil the push he needs to finally recontextualize his life and his priorities. He’s a man who just wants very badly to be liked and loved, and he’s constantly put in situations where he isn’t able to do that. Nicky was more prominent in book 2, though, so this book didn’t develop him any further. Kevin too was someone who got the bulk of his character development in book 2, but seeing him finally step into his own, stand up to Rico, take control over his life and get the 2 tattoo of his face was amazing. I loved that he got there gradually, but he still got there, and though he never became any more likable, it was so gratifying to see his growth. Aaron was the character I never liked, and I absolutely didn’t like him here either. That fight he has with Neil pissed me off so much, and I loved that Andrew picked Neil over Aaron, which at least showed me that he was a little more observant than he looked. Finally Andrew. Almost more than Neil, this series revolves around Andrew. Everything Neil does is to protect Andrew, which was a complete 180 from book 1, where Neil was willing to risk Andrew’s life just for a chance to play exy. Like Kevin, Andrew never becomes more likable, and his development is rather subtle and slight, but it’s still such a different place from where he started in book 1. He never truly becomes a good person, but he learns to accept people for the decisions that they make, and to let at least one other person in. His relationship with Neil was so well developed, that authors should learn how to write a good slowburn from it. The slow build of first begrudging trust, then friendship and finally romance was excellent, and for one I really didn’t mind the whole ‘I don’t care about gender, because I’m only attracted to you’ trope. I loved the revelation of Andrew’s photographic memory, because it tied so well with both his character and the scene where Neil asks him how Andrew can let anyone touch or kiss him after everything he’s been through. That he trusts Neil because he knows Neil would never do anything Andrew would say no to was really great. I also fucking called the whole he’s taking drugs for being a psychopath; it feels so good to be vindicated. Overall, I really enjoyed this final book. The series as a whole does have a lot of flaws, and it’s definitely an acquired taste, but I’m glad I read it. Each book kept getting better, and I feel like Sakavic really hit her stride with the second and this book in terms of her characters and plot. It’s a classic YA series for a reason, and I do recommend it if you can stomach the abuse/violence; I’d be curious to read anything else this author has in store.

[lauralumaka]

[Damon, photographers’ nightmare] by Chris Floyd, excerpt from his “A Triptych of Confrontations” blog post. (...) Damon Albarn has been here for the shortest amount of time, yet of the three he’s the one that I probably feel the closest affinity with in terms of comparative experiences. We are the same age, born 1968, the same height, same colour eyes and hair, same kinds of suburban adolescences where London was some aching distant nirvana, twenty miles and twenty light years away. Both him and Neil Tennant have a beautiful ability to clarify and crystallise the longing to escape suburbia for a less mundane existence but paradoxically, had they always had what they felt they deserved, or were in need of to complete themselves, they would never have become the artists they did. My career came into bloom at the same time that his did, 1994, and over the years I have photographed all of his British contemporaries and a good few foreign ones too, yet, frustratingly, never him or his band, Blur. Perhaps an invite to spend an hour with him in his studio was something to be wary of. My gut said yes and so did my mouth.In the Ray Winstone post I mentioned how it feels when a meeting on the line has fallen short:“There are some where you can feel that you are only inches apart, yet you’re just not going to make it. Those are the worst. They torture me for days afterwards, blaming myself for an imagined oafishness or missed opportunity.”When I wrote that it was the time with Damon that inspired it. All the way, a confrontation punctuated by very short dashes of tolerance rather than collaboration. We had arrived an hour earlier than him and set up in one of the rooms at the studio, a large soundproofed thing with pianos and keyboards along every wall. An incredible sandpit for a grown up.Damon arrived and thought that the erection of a 9 foot wide backdrop was silly. He thought it was ‘a bit formal’. What can I say to that? I like to photograph people on plain backgrounds. I don’t want to work against a cluttered wall with Indonesian puppets in the background. So that was where we started. I tried to break the ice:“Oh God, this isn’t going to turn into a stand off between two passive aggressive people, is it?”

That got us back to one degree above zero with a wry(ish) smile. So seizing the initiative I ploughed on, a triumph of hope over experience, trying to explain my theory of confrontation and collaboration, eliciting this short, sharp response:

“I’ve had my picture taken enough times and I know what a good photograph is.”

The thing about a statement like that is that in one sweep it lumps you in with every other photographer he’s ever met. Nothing special, nothing different. This time is unimportant, it’s merely something that stands between me and my desire to bring it to a close. To the ego it’s a declaration of war.

“Well I’ve listened to a lot of records and I know what a good song is.”

From there Damon’s passivity dominated the room. It was a creatively negative energy that coloured everything, or rather desaturated it and even getting him to engage with the camera was a small victory.

He was extremely difficult to get a read on and it’s been a long time since I’ve come away from a subject feeling locked out. I have referred to the act of portraiture as similar to that of a burglar casing a building, looking for an open window, a way in. That, to me, is often how it is. I walk all around the place trying doors, tugging windows, asking questions, talking, always talking, as if the act of talking is the key to one of those windows or doors. And 99% of the time it is but with Damon it wasn’t. I shrunk back into myself, defeated and outsmarted by a psychological terrain peppered with invisible patches of quicksand. Just as I felt we had established a surer footing, a vortex of ground would draw me down.

At one point, in response to something I said, he offered this beauty:

“And you were doing so well.”

I couldn’t even look at the pictures for several days afterwards. When I finally did, pressure of approaching deadline rather than any desire at all, I realised that although the encounter was demoralising on a human to human level it yielded something worth having on a photographic one.

One final thought.

It’s funny, for twenty years I have been told by so many people how much they think I look like him (same age, same height, same eye colour, same hair, same build once but not now), to the extent that in a Los Angeles bar in the mid nineties, when I assured a barman who thought I was him that I was not him, he replied, “You look more like him than he does.” When it goes on for so long it becomes a bit of a joke, part of your schtick, part of who you are and all that. Then you meet the guy, you spend an intense couple of hours together and while you’re on his turf you overhear him talking to someone from his management and he refers to you as ‘the photographer’ and you realise that he doesn’t even know your name.

Sometimes I wonder if this happened to Richard Avedon or Irving Penn or Arnold Newman or any of the others from whose shadows we try so hard to emerge.

[wiseabsol]

Fanfics You Should Be Reading

Dæmorphing by Poetry

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/series/8983

Fandoms: Animorphs - Katherine A. Applegate, His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman

Summary: They can’t tell you their real names, or their dæmons�� names. The Yeerks are everywhere. But they’re going to fight back.

My thoughts: This is a beautiful reworking of the original series that does a much, much better job with its worldbuilding, with its exploration of alien cultures (and numerous human ones), and with the characters grappling with their trauma and the murky ethics of war. It’s also queer-friendly and gives side characters like Loren and Aftran more time to shine. “The Cowardice of Lions” is where it crosses the line from good to spine-tinglingly great.    

水火 by trascendenza

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/120337

Fandom: Avatar the Last Airbender

Summary: Azula, post-canon, picking up the pieces. When she tried, Paupau clicked her tongue behind her teeth and took Azula’s small hand in her own, held securely in the tiger’s mouth of her thumb and forefinger.

My thoughts: An absolutely gorgeous, post-series exploration of Azula’s recovery and her transformation into a less toxic person. There is a wonderful female mentor figure in this as well. 

Dominion by Aurelia le

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6383825/1/Dominion

Fandom: Avatar the Last Airbender

Summary: For the Fire Nation royal siblings, love has always warred with hate. But neither the outward accomplishment of peace nor Azula’s defeat have brought the respite Zuko expected. Will his sister’s plans answer this, or only destroy them both?

My thoughts: While not for the faint of heart, this story explores the cycle of abuse in the Fire Nation royal family, with a strong focus on the psychological cause-and-effect of that abuse. It also interrogates the canon interpretations of its central characters in fascinating ways, unpacking the implications of how Azula behaves in the show and how deep Zuko’s anger goes. Finally, there is a hard look at how sexism impacts the characters, particularly with Ursa, who has internalized the patriarchy in ways that put a deep strain on her relationship with her daughter. I would love for this to be an original novel, but Aurelia sticks her tongue out at me whenever I suggest it.      

once a queen or king of narnia, always a king or queen by dirgewithoutmusic

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/series/82624

Fandom: Chronicles of Narnia - C. S. Lewis

Summary: A lion told her to walk away, and she did. He forbade her magic, he forbade her her own kingdom, so she made her own. Susan after Narnia.

My thoughts: There is a powerful anger and sadness in these stories, in part due to Susan’s grief over losing her family and her kingdom, but also--on a meta level--at the sexism behind why she was rejected from Narnia. If you liked Neil Gaimen’s “The Problem of Susan,” but wanted more beauty and melancholy in it, then this series is for you.    

We That Are Young by Stoplight Delight  

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/4175371/1/We-That-Are-Young

Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist

Summary: It’s a well-known fact that innocents make poor soldiers. Fortunately, Riza Hawkeye’s childhood was not entirely innocent. She had to grow up fast… though she wasn’t the only one. The early years of the Colonel and his First Lieutenant.

+

Shall Never See So Much by Stoplight Delight  

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/4396547/1/Shall-Never-See-So-Much

Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist

Summary: In the military academies of Amestris, Cadets Mustang and Hawkeye are trained to command. They are groomed and prepared for firefights, hand-to-hand combat and even torture. But there’s one thing their schools cannot prepare them for: the reality of war.

My thoughts on this duology: This duology chronicles the childhoods and early adolescences of Riza Hawkeye and Roy Mustang in wonderful, but also tragic and painful, detail. It captures the setting and time period perfectly and makes every one of its characters, including the OCs, feel like real people. It’s agonizing that the second story isn’t finished, but what is there is rich and worthy of many rereads.   

Against the Moon by Stoplight Delight  

Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/7305052/1/Against-the-Moon

Fandom: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling

Summary: The odds were stacked against him: a child from a blended home with no friends, no social skills to speak of, and a terrible secret. Yet slowly Remus Lupin began to discover there was a place for him in the world, if he could find the courage to claim it.

My thoughts: The same author as the above, with the same loving attention to detail. This Marauders story captures the discrimination that Remus Lupin must have gone through in his youth far more accurately than the original books did, shows us the terror of Voldemort’s first rise to power, and makes Peter Pettigrew’s friendship with the group--and his eventual betrayal of them--make an incredible and terrible amount of sense. It’s a must-read for fans of the HP series.   

The Very Secret Diary by Arabella

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2345300/chapters/5171522

Fandom: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling

Summary: ‘His d-diary’ Ginny sobbed. ‘I’ve b-been writing in it, and he’s been w-writing back all year -’ Ginny’s first year in Hogwarts, written in diary entries.

My thoughts: One reviewer described this story as “demonic possession as a metaphor for domestic abuse and gaslighting,” and honestly, that encompasses this work perfectly. It starts off slowly and innocently enough, but by the end of it, you have a white-knuckled grip on your laptop/phone and only have the canon rescue of Ginny as a source of comfort. I would advise reading the one-shot follow-up, “Disenchanted,” afterwards to help settle your nerves. This is also the fic that made me a Ginny and Harry/Ginny fan in a way canon never managed to. 

boy with a scar by dirgewithoutmusic

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/series/285498

Fandom: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling

Summary: A series of “what if” rewrites of Harry Potter, books 1-7. What if other characters were the Chosen Ones, what if HP had queer leads, and what if characters like Petunia Dursley and Severus Snape weren’t such contemptible human beings?  

My thoughts: This series makes me sob my heart out, especially the Severus Snape one, which is completely unfair, given how much I loath Snape in canon. Overall, this series is full of touching moments and relationships, embraces queer relationships and identities, and gives you glimpses of the series you wished you’d read as a child. 

we must unite inside her walls or we’ll crumble from within by dirgewithoutmusic

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/series/136245

Fandom: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling

Summary: Stories for the ladies of Hogwarts, who cry, waver, giggle, trespass, and who deserve our respect all the same.

My thoughts: The same author as the above, but with more of a focus on the female characters and their own experiences as they grew up. Particularly memorable to me were the sections for Pansy Parkinson and Andromeda Tonks, which won me over to Pansy and made me ache for Andromeda, respectively. 

Persephone’s Waltz by ErinPtah

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/577310/chapters/1035515

Fandoms: Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magika | Puella Magi Madoka Magica

Summary: The more times she fails to save Madoka, the more desperate Homura gets…until kidnapping her and locking her in a basement until Walpurgisnacht is over stops sounding like such a crazy idea.

My thoughts: This is a midquel in the PMMM story with a Room-esque flare to it. The writing is stark, Homura’s points of view match how much she’s slipping, and the story does a great job of showing the psychological damage done by captivity and by inferiority complexes. It’s more queer than the show is, with the lesbian ships being explored on page, rather than just teased. I often binge this one whenever I start re-reading it, because it’s so good.  

bringing the war home by dirgewithoutmusic

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/series/96290

Fandom: Marvel Cinematic Universe / Agents of SHIELD

Summary: A series on the lives and times of the woman of the MCU.

My thoughts: Really you should just read everything direwithoutmusic has written, but this one has a special place in my heart for its sections on Natasha Romanoff and Gamora, which are heartbreaking, but also healing. “i dreamed of a day” in particular resonated with me, as someone who was raised in an abusive home and was appalled by how Gamora was treated in Infinity War. It’s a story I fully intend to record one day, because it means so much to me.    

Double Agent Vader by Fialleril

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/series/286908

Fandom: Star Wars

Summary: The one where Vader turned double agent for the Rebellion about three years after ROTS, and Leia is now his primary contact with the Rebellion. Alternate summary, according to TV Tropes: A man attempts to escape slavery by turning into one of his culture heroes, teaching his daughter how to do magic, killing people, and flower arranging.

My thoughts: A powerful reworking of the original trilogy, with a strong focus on the culture and storytelling of the slaves of Tatooine. It is also chock full of father-daughter feels and dramatic irony, and at turns has made me laugh with delight and cry.  

you can only use your own by feralphoenix

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/series/369158

Fandom: Undertale

Summary: You cannot use someone else’s fire; you can only use your own. And in order to do that, you must first be willing to believe you have it. - Audre Lorde. Or: Snapshots from a world where Chara and Asriel lived.

My thoughts: This AU put my heart back together after I finished Undertale. I subscribe to the “Chara is the Narrator” theory, so this captures everything I’d hoped for from a Chara characterization, without flinching away from how troubled they are. What I admire about this series is how compassionate it is to its mentally ill characters, how it confronts toxic relationships and works to make them healthier, how queer-friendly it is, and the Jewish representation within it.

[suzannebyrne]

Rene Russo can't believe 'people are so surprised women are being groped': 'Really?'

Rene Russo just finished telling a story about the time she single-handedly thwarted five would-be robbers who accosted her and a friend in Martinique. You can’t help but get the sense that she’s a woman who can hold her own — whether it’s on a Caribbean street or opposite an impressively long list of A-list leading men (currently Morgan Freeman and Tommy Lee Jones in Just Getting Started, which hits theaters Dec. 8).

Starting out in the modeling industry in the ’70s and crossing over to the movie business in the late ’80s, a woman had to be tough — as we’ve learned in the wake of the Harvey Weinstein sexual misconduct scandal. But 63-year-old Russo, who has starred in films from The Thomas Crown Affair to Thor, says that she’s witnessed the mistreatment of women long before becoming a part of Hollywood.

“I’m surprised that people are so surprised that women are being groped,” she tells Yahoo Lifestyle on the set of Build Series NYC on Monday. “Really? Because this is how I grew up. I don’t have very many girlfriends who weren’t inappropriately approached in some form or another.”

Rene Russo at Build Studio NYC on Dec. 4. (Photo: Getty Images)

Now people are (kind of) listening, but back then? Not so much.

“In those days, if it was reported at all, the police would come, they’d go down to the dirty old man down the street, and then they’d go to the home of whatever girl was molested — in my neighborhood that was quite a few — and say, ‘Oh, stay away from, ya know, Charlie down the street.’ That’s how it rolled in my neighborhood,” says Russo, who grew up in Burbank, Calif., the daughter of a single mother who worked in a factory. She dropped out of high school in the 10th grade.

While Russo is glad to see what she describes as this “cultural moment,” which is “fueled by so much pent-up anger and resentment and shame and fury” because it’s “pushing us into the next place that we need to be,” she thinks about the women of the world who don’t have the same voice as the women who have come forward in Hollywood.

“I’m worried too about women in hostile environments who are afraid to come forward,” she says. “Women in factories — like my mom [was] — who need their job and are afraid to come forward and don’t because they need their health insurance, they need their apartment. Single moms. Our industry is getting a lot of the publicity, but what’s going on in the rest of the country? So it’s time. It’s been time for a long, long time. To not believe a little girl in the ’60s is one thing, but it’s still happening. So we’re in a moment. We’re in a moment.”

Rene Russo, Dan Gilroy, and their daughter, Rose Gilroy, at the 2015 Academy Awards. (Photo: Jeff Kravitz/FilmMagic)

Russo’s only daughter, Rose Gilroy, from her 25-year marriage to director and screenwriter Dan Gilroy (Nightcrawler, The Bourne Legacy) has followed in her footsteps into the modeling business. Did Russo feel she needed to give her tips about navigating some of that … ickiness?

“I didn’t really have to give Rosie tips. She already knew,” Russo says. “And for me, to be honest, that never happened to me. Because I was just primed for that. That would not happen to me. By the way, I don’t want to be quoted with just that because there are young women who did not have my background who were not steeped in that kind of environment. To me, it was like commonplace. So that wouldn’t have surprised me. But there are these women that come here — and have not had any experiences like that and they work their whole life to be an actress or whatever — they come to this industry and that happens. It has to be earth-shattering for them. I know that some careers were ended over it, and that’s heartbreaking. So not everybody is like me just because I was aware of it. So many women aren’t. That’s sad, that’s terrifying, and really heartbreaking.”

Russo doesn’t do social media. (“I don’t know what the purpose would be,” she says. “There’s not enough hours on the day to check who’s following and stuff.”) We tell her we saw a photo of her at the Women’s March in Washington, D.C., in January on her daughter’s Instagram page. It was a family affair for the Russo-Gilroy family.

While the actress, who suffers from anxiety and is bipolar, says attending a massive rally like that is “not something I would do … I guess the world we live in motivated me to go.” Right after the election, when the march was announced, “I made reservations. And who knew it was going to be that big? I don’t think anybody knew. … It was cool to be a part of that. The energy was amazing. I thought: Good. Women are getting out and expressing themselves. It’s important.”

Nasty and proud

A post shared by @rosegilroy on Jan 21, 2017 at 12:44pm PST

For the record, her husband, whom she has collaborated with on Nightcrawler and Two for the Money, among other films, made his “Feminist” banner. She laughed remembering him walking through their hotel with the sash and headband that said Peace. “They stopped him at the door: What are you doing? Who are you? He walked in like a badass crazy man. It was a funny moment. That was a very funny moment. We had a great time at the march.”

Russo has taken long breaks from acting. She’s grown tired of early call times, unless the project is great, which got her to the set for Just Getting Started. It’s helmed by Ron Shelton, who was her director on Tin Cup. She’s a night owl and likes to sleep in. As she falls asleep, she says she dreams about her garden, which is her true passion project these days as an empty-nester. (Rose, who graduated college with a double major in political science and psychology, signed with Elite Model Management and lives in New York City.)

“My manager calls me Greta — as in Greta Garbo. I want to be alone,” Russo says with a laugh when we point out that despite being a movie star who’s married to a famous director, her personal life seems kept largely under wraps. “I don’t go out a lot. I’m not sure why my business isn’t out there, to be honest. Maybe because I’m not on social media? I will go out and promote a film, of course. But I’m not really sure why that is.”

Maybe because there’s a decided lack of drama in her life. Earlier this year, Russo marked her 25th wedding anniversary with Gilroy. However,  despite the milestone, they didn’t do anything special “because we never remember.”

“Unless my mother-in-law calls me, I have no idea when it is,” she says of her anniversary. “She called this year, and I said, ‘Ruth, don’t say anything to Dan. Say nothing.’ So I got a couple of people together. We went to a restaurant. I just wanted to shame him. I had them bring out a cake, ‘Happy 25 years’ with a candle. It came and he was mortified. I was like, ‘Why? I never remember our anniversary. What’s the difference?’ It was fun to torture him like that a little bit though,” she says with a laugh.

See — now that would have been the perfect thing to share on social media.

Read More from Yahoo Lifestyle:

• Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher make (an adorable) rare red carpet appearance • Pink Explains Why She’s Raising Daughter Willow as Gender Neutral • Magic man Neil Patrick Harris explains why he only performs tricks for his kids ‘here and there’

Follow us on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter for nonstop inspiration delivered fresh to your feed, every day.

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Master This One Key Mental Concept You Need For Better Relationships, Work and Life.

A friend of mine shares a terrible habit with me: shopping addiction. When either of us are upset or stressed or just generally too overwhelmed to do anything, we turn to our favorite stores. Buying something new is an instant way to feel better. The satisfaction is this feeling of “yay, new stuff!” and it seems to temporarily replace all the bad stuff going on in our lives. But it’s short-lived gratification. After all, none of us are so wealthy that we don’t experience buyer’s remorse now and then.

The two of us had an “ah-ha!” moment when we were told our brains are coping with our mishandling of money by doing all that shopping. See, the money we are spending on quick fixes could have just as easily gone into savings or an investment account. But that doesn’t feel like a realistic goal. It’s so far away! It’s easy to understand instant-gratification-when I buy something, I have it in my hands immediately. I love that! How am I supposed to get excited about a large savings account if I won’t be able to see that it’s large for years?

Sound familiar? Probably so.

Delay-gratification seems wholly dissatisfying at first. But if we could accept the concept and start living by it, imagine how much stress would melt off our shoulders. Money is relatable, but you can take it a step further, too. Think about your last bad relationship. Did you stay in it so you wouldn’t have to be alone? This happens all the time. It’s “easier” to stay in a relationship and know you have a partner than to be single and not know if you’ll wind up with someone.

Instant Gratification is Just pleasure, Not Happiness!

When I blow all my hard earned money so I can quickly feel better about my life, do I feel better? Sure, for about five minutes. Then I’m overwhelmed all over again and stressed about how much money I just spent!

And what about that bad relationship you stayed in. Were you happy? Of course not! So why do we settle for unhappiness just to avoid practicing patience? The root of the problem comes down to how badly we want to get everything we desire instantly. No waiting required. Personally, I can’t recall a switch being flipped in my brain that suddenly made me this way; I feel like I’ve always wanted instant gratification. With shopping, with success, with my love life…everything. But there are habits in my life that could be making things worse.

Social Media Could Be Forcing You to Settle When It Comes to Happiness.

Unfortunately, your obsession with social media could be partially to blame for instant gratification over happiness.

“We gain instant feedback from our devices, because we’re constantly plugged in and turned on. Social media gives us the ability to upload videos, photos and status updates…Because our devices are ubiquitous, our connectedness is constant. There’s very little patience required. We even expect business growth — phenomenon long considered to be gradual — to happen overnight. Like the viral explosion of a YouTube video, we want to hack business growth for viral expansion. The pursuit is admirable, even if the results aren’t always what we desire” – Neil Patel [1].

How To Sustain Your Motives To Wait?

1. Be more aware to your actions

The next time you find yourself habitually reaching for your phone to scroll through Facebook or see how many new likes you have on Instagram, stop and take a breath. If you’re a visual person, keep a tally sheet and mark a line for every time you resist an urge [2].

2. Feeling uncomfortable is just temporary

When you find yourself seeking that instant fix, count to ten and try to understand why you’re so anxious to get something done instantly. Maybe you won’t know at first. That’s okay. But maybe you will realize you just feel uncomfortable without something to do or focus on.

3. How would you feel 10 minutes after taking actions?

You know when you’re binge-watching Netflix and realize you’ve eaten a whole bag of chips or sweets? You weren’t even hungry, and yet you ate all that junk while your brain was on auto-pilot. Practice some presence today and every day. Do things in a way of awareness and thoughtfulness.

4. Be patient with your own progress

Guess what – you didn’t develop the need for instant gratification overnight. So why in the world would you expect to break that habit overnight? You won’t and it’s okay! When you give in to that disappointing instant-gratification over delay-gratification, allow yourself to be disappointed in yourself and frustrated. Then make a conscious effort to do better.

5. You don’t ALWAYS need to be too hard on yourself!

If you would be truly happy by giving in to the instant-gratification like urge of eating a donut, awesome-do it! But if you know you would feel guilt afterward, opt for something else. Either way, applaud your conscious effort and realize how nice it feels to do something for happiness and not just the need to get something done quickly.

How delaying your enjoyments can benefits different parts of our lives?

Whether you realize it or not, your day-to-day actions are filled with choices made in an effort to achieve instant-gratification. We don’t have to wait to travel anymore thanks to Uber. We don’t have to worry about stopping what we’re doing to get food thanks to UberEats, PostMates, Seamless, etc. We don’t even have to get groceries ourselves anymore with grocery stores delivering or third party services like InstaCart.

So why would we expect our brain or heart to function any differently? We expect everything to happen instantly, and often without much effort. Yet even with this happens, we feel unfulfilled with the results. We are so disconnected with our own selves that we have trouble recognizing when we are settling vs. when we are ready to try delay gratification. Imagine how incredible it would be (for yourself, for your relationships, for your career) if you could make choices based on long-term happiness and satisfaction and not just instant-gratification and a quick-fix.

Work: When you make professional choices for instant gratification, you often wind up cutting corners and making more work for yourself in the long run. In order to achieve less procrastination, more willingness to practice and do hard work, you have to master delay-gratification and know that even though it may not be until the end of your business quarter, you’re going to be so proud of your success and accomplishments.

Relationships: It takes time to get to know a person before falling for them. While it may feel nice to accept a date from the first person who asks, imagine how much better it would feel to wait for a date with someone you truly have interest in. And if you’re already in a happy and committed relationship, practice awareness when it comes to communication. Sometimes it can feel like torture to sit down and talk about the other person’s day when you could be checking social media or sending out important emails, you’ll have a better relationship in the long run.

Health: This is an obvious for so many of us. Do we take the time to prep meals for a week and eat well and feel better, or do we rush through a fast food restaurant on our lunch break and grab an unhealthy meal in a short amount of time? If you practice delay-gratification with your food habits, you can have less binge eating and even a more passionate relationship with exercise and health.

Happiness: Do you ever feel like you have to work really hard to be happy? If you focus more on the last four points, you won’t have to put in that effort because the happiness will be an automatic result! You won’t have to chase for it, and you can feel it more deeply and in everyday life. You are less likely to become defeated because you know accumulated failure and lessons learned contribute to greater happiness later.

I don’t know about you, but life-long happiness sounds a lot better than a quick-fix. So what do you say? Are you ready to start delaying your gratification?

Reference

[1]^Entrepreneur: The Psychology of Instant Gratification and How It Will Revolutionize Your Marketing Approach[2]^Zenhabits: Gratify 

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[trendingnewsb]

Master This One Key Mental Concept You Need For Better Relationships, Work and Life.

A friend of mine shares a terrible habit with me: shopping addiction. When either of us are upset or stressed or just generally too overwhelmed to do anything, we turn to our favorite stores. Buying something new is an instant way to feel better. The satisfaction is this feeling of “yay, new stuff!” and it seems to temporarily replace all the bad stuff going on in our lives. But it’s short-lived gratification. After all, none of us are so wealthy that we don’t experience buyer’s remorse now and then.

The two of us had an “ah-ha!” moment when we were told our brains are coping with our mishandling of money by doing all that shopping. See, the money we are spending on quick fixes could have just as easily gone into savings or an investment account. But that doesn’t feel like a realistic goal. It’s so far away! It’s easy to understand instant-gratification-when I buy something, I have it in my hands immediately. I love that! How am I supposed to get excited about a large savings account if I won’t be able to see that it’s large for years?

Sound familiar? Probably so.

Delay-gratification seems wholly dissatisfying at first. But if we could accept the concept and start living by it, imagine how much stress would melt off our shoulders. Money is relatable, but you can take it a step further, too. Think about your last bad relationship. Did you stay in it so you wouldn’t have to be alone? This happens all the time. It’s “easier” to stay in a relationship and know you have a partner than to be single and not know if you’ll wind up with someone.

Instant Gratification is Just pleasure, Not Happiness!

When I blow all my hard earned money so I can quickly feel better about my life, do I feel better? Sure, for about five minutes. Then I’m overwhelmed all over again and stressed about how much money I just spent!

And what about that bad relationship you stayed in. Were you happy? Of course not! So why do we settle for unhappiness just to avoid practicing patience? The root of the problem comes down to how badly we want to get everything we desire instantly. No waiting required. Personally, I can’t recall a switch being flipped in my brain that suddenly made me this way; I feel like I’ve always wanted instant gratification. With shopping, with success, with my love life…everything. But there are habits in my life that could be making things worse.

Social Media Could Be Forcing You to Settle When It Comes to Happiness.

Unfortunately, your obsession with social media could be partially to blame for instant gratification over happiness.

“We gain instant feedback from our devices, because we’re constantly plugged in and turned on. Social media gives us the ability to upload videos, photos and status updates…Because our devices are ubiquitous, our connectedness is constant. There’s very little patience required. We even expect business growth — phenomenon long considered to be gradual — to happen overnight. Like the viral explosion of a YouTube video, we want to hack business growth for viral expansion. The pursuit is admirable, even if the results aren’t always what we desire” – Neil Patel [1].

How To Sustain Your Motives To Wait?

1. Be more aware to your actions

The next time you find yourself habitually reaching for your phone to scroll through Facebook or see how many new likes you have on Instagram, stop and take a breath. If you’re a visual person, keep a tally sheet and mark a line for every time you resist an urge [2].

2. Feeling uncomfortable is just temporary

When you find yourself seeking that instant fix, count to ten and try to understand why you’re so anxious to get something done instantly. Maybe you won’t know at first. That’s okay. But maybe you will realize you just feel uncomfortable without something to do or focus on.

3. How would you feel 10 minutes after taking actions?

You know when you’re binge-watching Netflix and realize you’ve eaten a whole bag of chips or sweets? You weren’t even hungry, and yet you ate all that junk while your brain was on auto-pilot. Practice some presence today and every day. Do things in a way of awareness and thoughtfulness.

4. Be patient with your own progress

Guess what – you didn’t develop the need for instant gratification overnight. So why in the world would you expect to break that habit overnight? You won’t and it’s okay! When you give in to that disappointing instant-gratification over delay-gratification, allow yourself to be disappointed in yourself and frustrated. Then make a conscious effort to do better.

5. You don’t ALWAYS need to be too hard on yourself!

If you would be truly happy by giving in to the instant-gratification like urge of eating a donut, awesome-do it! But if you know you would feel guilt afterward, opt for something else. Either way, applaud your conscious effort and realize how nice it feels to do something for happiness and not just the need to get something done quickly.

How delaying your enjoyments can benefits different parts of our lives?

Whether you realize it or not, your day-to-day actions are filled with choices made in an effort to achieve instant-gratification. We don’t have to wait to travel anymore thanks to Uber. We don’t have to worry about stopping what we’re doing to get food thanks to UberEats, PostMates, Seamless, etc. We don’t even have to get groceries ourselves anymore with grocery stores delivering or third party services like InstaCart.

So why would we expect our brain or heart to function any differently? We expect everything to happen instantly, and often without much effort. Yet even with this happens, we feel unfulfilled with the results. We are so disconnected with our own selves that we have trouble recognizing when we are settling vs. when we are ready to try delay gratification. Imagine how incredible it would be (for yourself, for your relationships, for your career) if you could make choices based on long-term happiness and satisfaction and not just instant-gratification and a quick-fix.

Work: When you make professional choices for instant gratification, you often wind up cutting corners and making more work for yourself in the long run. In order to achieve less procrastination, more willingness to practice and do hard work, you have to master delay-gratification and know that even though it may not be until the end of your business quarter, you’re going to be so proud of your success and accomplishments.

Relationships: It takes time to get to know a person before falling for them. While it may feel nice to accept a date from the first person who asks, imagine how much better it would feel to wait for a date with someone you truly have interest in. And if you’re already in a happy and committed relationship, practice awareness when it comes to communication. Sometimes it can feel like torture to sit down and talk about the other person’s day when you could be checking social media or sending out important emails, you’ll have a better relationship in the long run.

Health: This is an obvious for so many of us. Do we take the time to prep meals for a week and eat well and feel better, or do we rush through a fast food restaurant on our lunch break and grab an unhealthy meal in a short amount of time? If you practice delay-gratification with your food habits, you can have less binge eating and even a more passionate relationship with exercise and health.

Happiness: Do you ever feel like you have to work really hard to be happy? If you focus more on the last four points, you won’t have to put in that effort because the happiness will be an automatic result! You won’t have to chase for it, and you can feel it more deeply and in everyday life. You are less likely to become defeated because you know accumulated failure and lessons learned contribute to greater happiness later.

I don’t know about you, but life-long happiness sounds a lot better than a quick-fix. So what do you say? Are you ready to start delaying your gratification?

Reference

[1]^Entrepreneur: The Psychology of Instant Gratification and How It Will Revolutionize Your Marketing Approach[2]^Zenhabits: Gratify 

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