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pit-and-the-pen · 7 months ago

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I'll Crawl Home to Her- Chapter 2

Sorry this update took a little longer, I had some personal stuff going on and my work schedule was pretty packed this week.

Also, this is a fix-it fic. It'll be following the events of the whole series so buckle in y'all. Also also, I shit on Tamlin a lot in these next chapters but it has a purpose I promise!

Chapter warnings: Warnings: Mention of abuse/ trauma, one comment about weight in terms of said said abuse , minor blood

WC: 9.6K

Read the previous parts here

[prologue] [chapter 1]

Next Part [here]

“Rhys is the most handsome High Lord.” I read line after line of similar words. I rolled my eyes at my brother's antics.

“He’s sure laying it on thick.” I say as I sat down next to Feyre. She looks up from her writing and gives me a guarded laugh.

“At least I’m entertaining.” She huffs out.

“I can help you too, if you want. Give you a break from him.” She raises her eyebrow at me, studying me with a look that made me want to sink in on myself.

“Why?” She asks sharply

I willed my temper down. “Because despite what Tamlin might tell you, we’re not evil,” I spit out at her, she doesn’t flinch even slightly at the venom in my voice. “And you’re going to be here once a month for the foreseeable future. I’d like us to at least tolerate each other. Plus, it would piss off my brother.” Her eyes shone with mischief.

“You should have started with that.” And that was that. I pushed Rhys’ papers to the side and picked out a few books that had been my favorite. The plots are interesting enough to make up for the basic words used. Feyre caught on fairly easily. She could recognize almost all of the basic words but struggled to read them out loud. Not fully understanding how the sounds mashed together. We sat and read, and then when that got to be too much for her we just started talking. It was nothing deep, not really gossip either. Just casual words thrown back and forth until she asks out of the blue. “What’s the deal with Tamlin and Rhys?” I froze into stillness only fae possessed. Sensing my discomfort she backtracked. “You don’t have to tell me. I shouldn’t have asked.” Her voice held a little edge of fear. I forced my shoulders to relax.

“No, you have every right to ask. It’s…complicated. You’re walking into centuries old distrust and unfortunately, are caught in the middle.” It wasn’t fair to her to be caught in all of this old shit. That was our baggage and I could see it was affecting her but she pressed on.

“But why do they hate each other so much?”

“I’m not the best person to ask.” She narrowed her eyes at my non-answer. I sighed. “We’ve both done some terrible things to each other's courts, the wounds run deep and that’s all I’ll tell you.”

“Why?” She would not let up.

“Because you love Tamlin. And I don’t want you to think I’m trying to ruin whatever picture you have of him.” That really seemed to pique her curiosity.

“You had a different experience with him?” It felt like she had punched me in the stomach. No. That’s the problem, I had the exact same experience with him and I ended up just as broken as I can see you’re becoming.

“That’s not a story for today.” I tried to keep the shake out of my voice and maybe it was that, or the fear I know I couldn’t keep off of my face that made her drop the subject with a small, “okay”.

It was lunch time before we decided to take a break. “Do you want to eat here or go out with the others?”

“Rhys will just pull me out if I don’t.”

“My brother can fuck off. What do you want to do?” I saw a ghost of a smile twitch across her face. So we ate in the library. I left only long enough to stack up two plates full of food. Rhys took in the amount of food I was grabbing,

“Hungry today?” I only stuck my tongue out at him and walked back out of the room.

Rhys joined us a little after lunch. If he was surprised to still see me in here, he didn’t let it show. I didn’t leave until Feyre told me she was okay with me doing so.

It was probably overkill to be so protective of her, Rhys was the last person who would ever try to hurt her or anything like that but she was still uneasy around him. She hid it well with the sheer disdain she showed him but I could tell from the rigidness of her shoulders and that slight edge in her voice. But there was also something else there that I couldn’t put my finger on.

Feyre had stayed in the library long after their meeting. I found her hunched over another book, finger slowly tracing over the words. She hardly looked up as I placed another plate of food in front of her and went to walk out of the room. She didn’t call after me and I was okay with that. Scared she might start another round of questions.

I didn’t see much of her after that. So I traveled back and forth between Velaris. Spending half my time at the manor and the other half actually doing my job as researcher. I really didn’t have to work but it gave me something to fill up my days. Before Amarantha I spent most of my time helping Cassian manage the Illyrians, from the background of course. Being the High Lords sister did not save me from their views on females. So I only showed up when necessary, Azriel and Cassian always following behind me. They learned fast enough to keep their tongues in check if they wanted to keep them in their mouths.

Currently I was looking at old maps of Prythian. Combining through records for landscapes and t river patterns. Where the boundaries have shifted over time. And then came the daunting task of trying to pick out recountings of the old war. Figuring out who does best with what court. Prepping for the outcome we were all dreading, another war with Hybern.

“I don’t understand what you’re trying to get from these books.” Cassian said, absently flipping through the large leather bound book I had just placed to the side.

“Anything. Weakness, strengths, strategies, gods, anything.” I said leaning back. I knew I had to take a break, when I closed my eyes I could still see the words swirling in the blackness behind my eyelids. I took a deep breath and went to look at the giant map I had covered my desk with. Pins and markers to recount every movement during the last war.

“Do you really think that it’s going to help?” I know he wasn’t trying to be rude. His voice was soft when he asked and my shoulders sunk in slightly.

“I don’t know. But if it does…” He nodded in understanding. Azriel knocked lightly on the door, making both Cas and I jump. He had learned to knock now after he had to dodge out of the way of the book I had launched at him last week. I still haven't reaccustomed myself to how quiet his footsteps could be. A skill I had once prided myself on, I had even been able to pick up on those silent footsteps and find him before he wanted to be seen.

“Just wanted to remind you two to eat.” He looked at the books strewn across the table, taking note of the one Cassian was still flipping through, playing with truly. “I know how you can get when you’re focused. Time for food.” He smiled at the shy look I gave him from being called out. Many times he had to drag me out of my office when I really got into something. His smile made me think he was remembering those times too.

“If we go, will you two stop making eyes at each other?” Cassian spoke up, making me break away from Azriel’s stare.

“We were not.” I responded, trying to tame the blush in my cheeks. Get it together. I told myself as I forced myself to turn to Cas. His eye roll was the only answer I got. Azriel had already started walking down the hall and I slapped Cassian on the arm.

“You’re so annoying sometimes Cas.”

“And you love me for it.” He gave me a loud, wet peck on the cheek and gave a full head-thrown-back laugh when I made a big show of wiping it off.

I didn't return to the other house that night. Opting to stay with my friends. One of whom, Cassian, had gone into the wine cellar and returned with his arms almost full of the expensive bottles. I just laughed as he shot me a wink. I blew him a kiss back as I settled down on the couch besides Mor.

We didn’t bother getting glasses, passing the bottles around while we talked about absolutely nothing, acting like we had during our teenage years. It was later in the night before Rhys appeared in the living room. He took one look at all of us and rolled his eyes before he swiped the bottle out of my hand and brought it to his lips.

Mor and I were fully supporting each other's weight on the couch, I couldn’t tell who was leaning against who more but our giggles started to get louder and more frequent. She whispered to me so quietly I had to strain to hear her. “Stop staring at him.” And we fell into another fit of giggles.

She was right though, everytime Azriel talked I could feel how my eyes stayed locked on him. Reminding myself to breathe when he pulled the bottle to his lips. I pushed off of Mor and went to stand up, wobbling slightly as my feet touched the ground. Azriel made a move like he was going to catch me if I took a face first dive on the carpet but when I steadied myself, he moved back. It happened so fast I wonder if I imagined it.

“I think it’s bedtime.” I said, mouth feeling mushy as the words came out. Mor laughed again and I turned to face her and gave her a rude gesture. I offered that same hand to pull her up to her feet and she pouted before taking it. Everyone seemed to get the hint that it was late so all of us in our various drunken states started the climb up the stairs to our rooms. Good nights thrown through the hallways, Cassian all but screaming it to make sure Mor and I heard him. The sound made us flinch before laughing again as I closed the door to my room.

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Before I knew it Feyre’s week was officially up. She had demanded to be brought back home and I fought down the biting comments I wanted to make as Rhys agreed. I stepped besides the pair and she looked over to me for a brief second before pretending that neither of us existed.

“You don’t have to come with me. Rhys spoke into my mind and replied with a shake of my head. I could do this for Feyre. Despite every part of my body screaming at me for bringing her back to the Spring court, if she could be brave then so could I. He sighed at my stubbornness but knew that there was no changing my mind.

We weren’t going far. Simply dropping her at the border of spring and summer and making sure she got into the manor. I could manage that. Yet as we were getting ready to winnow in, I felt my hands go clammy. I remember me saying I’ll never go back there willingly.

The smell was the first thing that hit me. The overwhelming floral scent. I could smell the roses from the outside of the manor this far away, their sheer number coating the air with a smell that threatened to suffocate me on the spot.

“Goodbye, Feyre.” She had already started walking before he finished speaking, not sparing so much as a glance back to us. So we stood and watched her retreating figure until those wooden doors closed behind her. That was that.

We didn’t return to Hewn city, instead winnowing outside the townhome.

Rhys didn’t stay to greet our friends. Instead, he all but ran up the stairs to either go to his study or his room. Everyone gave me a tentative look before I shrugged and sprawled out on the couch besides Azriel.

He didn’t try to pull away from me. Instead, he lifted his hands from their spot on his lap. His way of telling me I could place my legs up so I didn’t have to sit awkwardly to avoid his wings. I did and I ignored how happy that little gesture made me. Over the last few weeks he seemed to be able to handle being around me again.

Cassian started rapid firing questions at me. What is she like? She threw what at Rhys? Anything for scraps of what their brother's mate was actually like. Sure they had gotten the story of her trials but this was different, getting to know who she actually was. Cassian seemed pleased to know she was still just as head strong. “Maybe someone will finally humble him a little.” He chuckled

Rhys spoke up as he entered the room. “Who’s humbling who?” He picked at an invisible piece of lint on his shoulder. The only sign of how upset sending Feyre back had made him.

Cassian didn’t answer but instead asked “Did she really throw a shoe at you?” He laughed when Rhys shot me a dirty look. Answering the question for him. “I want to meet her.” Cassian said and I swore he was almost pouting.

Rhys sighed, “And have you scare her off.” Cassian looked hurt so Rhys added, “Let her get more adjusted to me before we add all of this into the mix. Besides, she cannot see Velaris. Not when…” not when she came back to Tamlin. Not when she could still spill every little secret of ours to one of our biggest enemies.

Cas looked like he wanted to argue but only said “Princess gets to see her.”

“Because I have a winning personality.” I smiled at him and he launched one of the small pillows from his chair at me. I managed to deflect it but as it bounced off my arm it hit Azriel square in the face. I bit down my laughter at his faux outraged face. He threw it back and before I knew it, they were yelling at each other, well Cas was yelling and Azriel was trying his hardest not to laugh.Sensing a fight was emanate, I pushed off of Azriel and spoke loudly over the two Illyrian males.

“Outside if you’re going to fight.” Even Armen, who had stalked into the room around as Rhys laughed at that.

Cassian turned to me, his temper still flaring. “We’re not dogs.”

“Last time you both fought in the house, I was cleaning up glass for a week.” I raised an eyebrow at him, challenging him to say otherwise.

Azriel spared Cassian from having to respond. “C’mon.” He said, pulling Cassian to what I could only assume was the training ring.

“I forgot how much you look like Rhys when you get bossy.” Cassian said as he was pulled from the room. And my responding gesture made the rest of the room go up in laughs. Rhys followed them out. Probably needing to get rid of his own tension and Armen had snuck back into the research room.

I didn’t have it in me to just stare at maps all day long, regardless of knowing how much I needed to. So I just stayed in the living room, a random book from the shelf pulled onto my lap.

Rhys came back first, hair only slightly disheveled, wings out proudly. “Once I get out of the bath, it’s time for your training.” I huffed and he could sense I was about to argue with him. “Cassian and Azriel told me you can’t use your powers.” Traitors. “So we’re going to figure out what the hel is wrong.”

Less than an hour later I was sitting in Rhys’ study. A small candle flickering in front of me, taunting me to snuff it out. I pulled and pulled for any of the small dark tendrils to do so but found nothing. Sweat was beginning to form on my brow with how hard I was concentrating.

Rhys huffed in frustration at my lack of progress. “It was easier teaching Feyre to read.”

“Then by all means, go back to that. I’d love to see her throw another shoe at you.” I bit back at him and he just rolled his eyes.

“Try again.” He went right back to business, ignoring my statement. I really did try. I Have been trying. That rich darkness that normally lingered under my skin seemed like it was hidden behind a wall. Just out of my grasp, so close I could almost taste it, almost touch it. I yelped as I reached out towards it. Pain flickering through my body as if it had burned me. Rhys’ hand on my shoulder snapped me out of whatever had happened. Sweat broke across my skin and I flinched as I felt my magic fight against the wall inside my head.

“What’s happening?” I spoke to my brother. He just stared at me before I felt a phantom knock at my mental shields. I forced them open and almost screamed at the pain that flooded through me. I knew the moment he found it. Felt that sickening thread of magic that never released when the spell broke for the other high lords. Rhys’ presence in my head retreated and we could only look at each other. No words to be found between us.

“Fuck.” The first word he uttered and I somehow found it in myself to laugh.

“That bad?”

“Good news is there’s not a physical block. No magic stopping you.” So why did he still look like death froze over? “Bad news, you’re the block.”

“Go on?”

“I don’t fully know but it looks like your magic is being tied up by your own magic.”

“So, you’re saying. I’m the problem?”

“I’ve been saying that your whole life but yes, especially in this case.” He teased, trying to lighten the new tension in the air. I bite

“Well then that simply means you’re going to be stuck with me a lot more. That or I go to Helion.” He rolled his eyes at the mention of the other high lord, one who has been trying for the last few centuries to get me into his bed.

“Maybe.” shit. It must be serious if he’s actually willing to let Helion help. “Let’s hope it doesn’t come down to that.” He says solemnly and points back to the candle. I stare at him for a moment before sighing and trying to cover the light again.

We sit as I try again and again and again. Nothing besides a small puff of black smoke to let us know that I’m even trying. Right as I’m about to say something I see Rhys flinch and his eyes flare with anger. Only not at me, his eyes look far away as that anger homes in on whatever must have made his shoulders tense.

I see his eyes come back into focus and I don’t even have to ask before he’s spilling. “He hurt her.” I don’t need him to say who. “I can tell it’s nothing serious but I got nothing but pure fear from her.” Rhys had already explained that the bargain amplified the usual effects of the mating bond. That he could sometimes get whiffs of any strong emotion from Feyre. Fear, anger, mostly fear but as her nightmares have started to fade I haven't heard much about it. My stomach curls and I try to will my hands to not shake as my mind drifts to the endless possibilities of what could have happened.

“It’ll be okay. She’s strong.” The words felt wrong in my mouth and Rhys said the very thing I had been thinking.

“You were strong.”

“Well you can’t very well march in there and get her.” I saw the look on his face. “You can’t, we can’t. And she still doesn’t want us. Unless it feels like that first time…” He shook his head. So not as bad. Still bad, still awful enough for her to send fear down the bond but not bad enough that Rhys could only hear her screaming for someone to get her out of there. So we both let it go, ignored the thoughts that told every part of us to go help this girl from whatever Tamlin was inflicting. But even I knew that Tamlin’s anger comes from his love. That anger so wrapped in fear that something will happen that he almost wills those incidents into existence.

We spend hours trying to break whatever block is in my head until I’m grumpy and all but biting his head off at every little comment he makes. He bites right back at me and I know there's no point in this anymore, both of us too on edge to do anything productive. Throwing his hands up in surrender he doesn’t stop me as I storm out of his study. I run head first into Azriel on my way to my room, his hands resting on my arms so I don’t topple over.

“Training went that well.” He says with a small chuckle. The noise sends a low growl from my throat and he takes his hands off of me. “We’ll figure this out.” He says and I continue my path to my room, not staying long enough to see the concern in his eyes.

I was still grumpy by the time that dinner rolled around but I managed to pull myself out of bed. My head is pounding from the strain and whatever Rhys did inside my mind. I throw on the first thing I find, still in my thin nightgown I pulled on after my bath, and head down to dinner. I don’t say much and not even Cassian tries to cheer me up, all he does is remind me that I’m joining them for training in the morning. I don’t respond with anything other than stabbing the chicken on my plate with extra force.

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I struck the center of the dummy and looked over for Cassian for any semblance of approval. He gave me a bored look and I stomped over to the stupid thing and pulled all three of the daggers out of it. Cas wanted me to get back up to snuff with long range before he put a sword in my hand again. I had never needed the sword that I kept strapped to my back on the missions I would accompany Azriel on, always having my powers to stop anyone from getting that close in the first place. Between Azriel shadows and my blanket of darkness, very rarely did we ever need anything more than truth teller.

I grunted in frustration as the sharp metal flew through my fingers time after time, all of them hitting the center of the target.

“Fuck this Cas, I did the warm ups, I did the exercises. Let me fight.” I needed to do something more than this. If I couldn’t use my powers, if they never came back, I needed to be useful. In no world would I just sit around and let my friends risk death while I sat around playing with my maps. Cassian must have heard the desperation in my voice because he agreed.

We circled each other and I got a rare glimpse of Cassian with no restraint. This was the war general that scared people just by being on the battlefield. I tried not to let the frision of fear show as he surveyed every inch of me, seemingly reading my body language like I was screaming my next moves at him. I didn’t stand a chance. His fist made contact with my nose before I could turn out of the way and I fell to the ground. My hand went up and when I pulled it back, my fingers were sticky with my blood. Cassian was instantly in front of me, mumbling out apologies. I held up my hand to stop him from talking.

“Cassian.” A stern voice called out as I ran my hand along my nose again, feeling for any breaks. “What did you do to her?” Azriel’s voice was full of concern as he knelt besides Cassian.

“Alright bat brains. I’m not dying,” I started to stand up and they both reached out their hands to help me up, I swatted them away and brushed off the dust on my pants. “It’s not the first time I’ve been too slow before, and it’s not going to be the last.” They both stared at me and I rolled my eyes. “C’mon. I still have to beat you Cas.” He shook his head laughing and Azriel shot him a glare.

Cassian, never one to back down from a challenge, and never one to miss an opportunity to piss off Azriel, agreed to go back into the ring with me. He coached me through it this time, slowing down his punches to explain how to predict them and block them. All things that I knew but just needed more practice. By the end of the hour I was covered in sweat but I was able to block him without his guidance. Azriel didn’t leave either, hanging back to watch, adding his own little tips and tricks to help me get some advantage over Cassian but I still couldn’t get him to budge an inch.

“Do you want to get in with her then?” Cassian shouted to Azriel as he continued to assist me from the side lines. I made a motion for Cassian to stop as I tried to catch my breath. Placing my hands on my knees and sucking in screaming breaths.

“I think I’m done.” I panted out.

“If you wanted me to make you breathless princess, all you had to do was ask.” He winked and tossed a canteen full of water over to me. I drank half of it in one long gulp and forced myself to stand up straight. My muscles were already crying out in protest. Tomorrow was going to suck for sure.

The three of us walked back up to the house, laughing and joking and I felt proud of the progress I was making. Even if the dried blood still on my hands might have suggested otherwise.

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A month went by so fast, I had to tick off the days to make sure I was right.I woke up to Rhys preparing to collect Feyre from the spring court again. Rhys didn’t ask me to go with him this time, after that last flood of emotions he knew he would have a hard time containing himself let alone both of us.

I was already waiting at the house for when they got back, ready to play mediator if need be. They had barely materialized before my brother was fussing over Feyre. The two bickered back and forth but from the way she looked over herself, I knew even she could hear the worry in his voice. She had lost more weight since the last time she had been here. The shadows under her eyes creeped back onto her pale skin. “Eat breakfast with me.” He said and I shifted from my place in the living room. Mor was somewhere in the house after her visit to the Court of Nightmares yesterday. Probably still decompressing with the bottle of wine she took with her to bed.

I gave Feyre a small smile and she didn’t return it, but she didn’t glare at me either. It’s a step at least. The female in front of me gave a heavy sigh after weighing Rhys offer. The growl I heard come from her stomach seemed to make the decision for her. I didn’t follow them, if she had wanted me to I would have been able to tell. So I stayed close enough that I could swoop in and save her from my brother's overprotectiveness if need be. The glimpses of their conversation I caught weren’t the best but I stilled completely as I caught,

“I was tortured, beaten and fucked until only I could tell myself who I was, what I was protecting. Please- help me keep that from happening again. To Prythian.” My heart ached at the words. He had had it so much worse than I did, regardless of what people might believe. I could see it on his face during some of his bad days, the scars of what Amarantha did to him. I didn’t listen to her response as I walked to my room.

I found Feyre the next day as I had the last time, hunched over the table with more lines from Rhys to read. She was copying them in better handwriting than she had before. When I approached she didn’t so much as look up at me. I called her name gently and still nothing. So I took that as my sign to let her be. Rhys had gotten called to the war camps later that day.

“Just look after her please. I know she’s fine but let me know if either of you need anything.” He blabbered as I all but pushed him out the door.

“We’ll be fine, you overprotective mother hen.” His face fell slightly and I couldn’t stand that look on his face. “I’ll let you know if she needs anything, okay? Now go be a High Lord.” I saw a hint of a smile as he winnowed out of the house.

I tried to stay out of her way. Whatever bit of goodwill she had allowed me last time seemingly disappeared. So I kept bringing her books when she ran out of the ones Rhys had given her, brought her food and left her to her own devices. Today, she didn’t give me a glare as I sat down in the armchair on her left. I opened my own book without giving her a second glance. The small hmph she made was the only indication she had even noticed my presence. She didn’t want to talk and quite frankly, neither did I, perfectly content with getting lost in our own books.

It was around midday and the sun was just starting to peek through the heavy curtains of the library when I felt Rhys appear in the room. In his hands were trays of food which he presented to Feyre. A small thank you left her lips and I wanted to smack that smug look on Rhys face as he teased her. But then I saw his face get serious and I suddenly felt very much like I was intruding on a private moment. “Tell me how I can help you.” His voice was scratchy and I knew he was trying to hold back tears, to keep the conversation casual enough that she wouldn’t shut him out again. I truly did try to tune them out but these were the same things I had been wanting to say to her all week but couldn’t find the strength.

“If you fall apart then the bitch wins. All of that is for nothing and she wins.” Rhys said plainly and Feyre flinched before going back to her book. I could tell that she was talking to him in her mind. My eyes grew wide when I saw that slight layer of frost cover the book cover. Rhys barely had time to dodge said book as it was thrown right at his head. It bounced harmlessly to the floor and I stifled a laugh. The laugh died in my throat when I saw the flicker of flames in her palms and I tried to reach my mind out to Rhys, he all but threw me out.

Feyre and Rhys left later that day. I didn’t offer to come with, didn’t want to come with. Just like last time when Rhys returned to Velaris, he stalked to his office and hid out for the rest of the evening. I only got close enough to the door to leave a plate of food outside before retreating back to my side of the house. His emotions pouring through the door were enough to give me a headache, the way it felt like I was walking into a brick wall. I didn’t try to talk to him for the rest of the day. Instead choosing to pull my attention back to the map in my study.

I had been neglecting it to focus on Feyre and Rhys but I knew it’s just because I wasn’t getting anywhere. No matter how many books I read, I couldn’t think of anything that would help us win this war. Not without all seven courts working together and I knew Hel would freeze over before that ever happened.

So I read until my eyes became blurry and heavy. My head had gotten so heavy like the words were getting stuck and wouldn’t leave. When I felt my eyes starting to close and knocking on the door jostled me awake. I saw the shadows before I saw him, too tired to notice that they had time to take in my current state and report back to Az.

“You should take a break.” He said as he went to pull up a chair at the table I was sitting at.

“I can’t take a break when I haven’t found anything yet.” I whined at him. “I’m supposed to be good at this, I am good at this. Or at least I was.” I slumped in my chair and I saw that familiar look of concern flash through his warm amber eyes. He sat there, I could almost see the gears in his brain turning, his shadows starting to swirl around the floor like soothing waves. I stared at them and felt my mind calm slightly. He sighed and leaned back in his chair, wings flapping behind him.

We just sat there in silence for a few moments and then he stood up suddenly. My eyes tracked the movement, following his arm as he extended a hand to me. It was like my brain short circuited at the gesture. He had to clear his throat before I snapped out of it and I timidly placed my hand in his. He led me out of my office and I felt his shadows on my heels. “Where are we going?” I laughed at how ridiculous this must look, one of the fiercest Illyrian warriors towing someone behind him like an excited kid.

“Just be quiet. You’ll know when we get there.” His own voice full of an almost giddy excitement. So I let him pull me along. All the way outside until it clicked. There was a little patch of grass beside the Sidra that I loved to sit by when the weather was just starting to turn warm. Our little group used to spend free days out on that field, just soaking in the warmth. He gave me a proud smirk when we finally reached that stretch of grass. “Now, you’re going to sit and just enjoy being out here.”

“Is that an order?” I teased and he didn’t miss a beat.

“If that means you’ll actually do it, then yes.” I sat and looked out over the river. The lights and sounds of the city walk could just trickle in, becoming a lovely hum in the back of my mind. I patted the spot next to me and Azriel sat beside me. I curled my knees up to my chest and rested my chin on top of them. Just looking at the city I loved so much. We didn’t talk, Azriel was always good for that. He knew when I needed the quiet. The sound of the small waves helped clear my head and after a while I felt my shoulders sink down, the tension lightening. It was still there of course but became more manageable as I could smell the water and Azriel’s pine and fresh air scent. It wrapped its way around me and held me like my favorite blanket.

“Thank you.” I said, breaking the comfortable silence. We didn’t look at each other, still staring out at the city just ahead.

“Of course. Anything for you,” He cleared his throat, “For one of my friends.” I bit down the string at that little word. I fought the urge to put some distance between us at the feeling that flooded me. The cruel reminder of just exactly how he saw me. So I just pulled my legs in tighter and ignored all the thoughts of him that began to take over.

We didn’t head back to the house until sundown. The pair of us walked under the flickering faelights that lined the streets. It still blows my mind how much the city changed while I was gone. I told him that much. And he shrugged off the tiny complement.

“Rhys and I will never be able to thank you enough for how much you all did while we were…gone.” My voice felt tight as I finished, “You kept our home safe when we couldn’t.” He turned to look at me and went to say something but stopped himself. His face looked slightly pained, in that concerned way he always managed. He shook his head slightly.

“You did more than we ever could. You and Rhys gave us a chance to have something to protect in the first place.” In his words, I was pulled back to that night when it had all gone to shit. How Cassian and Azriel were out dealing with the camps and how I couldn’t convince Rhys not to go so I insisted that I come along. I had to beg him to let me come with him and he still wasn’t happy about it. We walked right into a trap and before most of his power had been ripped away from him he wiped the memory of Velaris from everyone who was under the mountain and let our friends know what was happening, how they couldn’t come after us without leaving Velaris unguarded.

Azriel’s small nudge to my shoulder pulled me back to the present and his eyes asked the question before he needed to.

“I’m okay.” But I felt how my arms had wrapped around myself but he didn’t say anything about it, letting me have my space. We reached the house again and I could hear Cassian and Mor’s voices floating down the hallway. The sound alone plastered a smile on my face. Azriel followed behind me as I rounded the corner and Cassian all but cheered when he saw me. “There you are princess, we went to pull you out of your study but it seems someone beat us to it.” He gave me a small wink and I laughed at the joke behind it. I shook my head as I sat down next to Mor who was already pouring me a glass of wine.

Rhys spoke to me across the table, “I peaked in and saw the map, tomorrow if you’re up for it I want all of us to go over it.” I nodded and he smiled at me. And we all ate and joked and I left the love I felt for the people in the room washed over me like the waves in the Sidra.

---------------------

“So if it comes down to war. Who do we have?” Rhys turned to Cassian and myself. We were all sitting around the map I had been working on, face grim as I explained the various markings.

“The Illyrians don’t have a choice. The court of nightmares should. We kept up pretty well with Dawn and Day. Winter…” His voice trailed off. I still remember Kallias’ face as the news broke of the attack on Winter. The thousands of babes dead by Amarantha’s hand. The pure loathing his face held as he looked at Rhys.

“I can talk to them.” I had always liked Kallias. And from the little bit I’ve heard since our return home, he finally married Viviane after being friends since childhood. Viviane was sweet and her, Mor and I had been known to get ourselves in trouble when together. If she would listen, Winter would come around.

“Autumn and Spring are lost causes.” Cassian sighed beside me, slumping down in his chair.

“Tamlin is delusional enough to think it would keep him safe.” And keep Feyre safe. But I didn’t say that outloud. “Beron is…well Beron. Unless we think we can pursue one of the brothers to take him out of the equation, I think it’s better to not plan for them.”

“Summer?” Rhys asked pointedly ignoring Cas’ words on the other seasonal courts.

“Tarquin is new and young. He’ll side with the majority. But I think I could talk to him and at least see where his loyalties lie.” I had only talked to the new high lord a few times during our time under the mountain. He seemed nice enough, one of the few people who was even willing to talk to me at all. No fear of the role I had been forced into and hoped he would side with us. Hoped his newness wouldn’t scare him into the easy choice.”

“I don’t like the idea of having two courts fighting against us.” Azriel finally spoke up. I had almost forgotten he was in the room but his shadow currently sitting at my feet should have been reminder enough. “Hybern has the armies he needs and if he has the cauldron….”

“So what do you suggest?” My brother asked, head in his hands.

“We talk to them. Let them know that we won’t win this if we’re not unified. Remind them that we fought a war once to avoid this very thing and some courts were on the wrong side of history then and would be now.” I spoke plainly, it was the only answer. If it had been anyone else the idea would have been shot down. But Rhys just let out a heavy breath and nodded.

“We’ll wait until we’re sure. Some courts will refuse to believe there will be a war until it’s staring them in the face.” The tone in Rhys’ voice letting us know this meeting was over. We all stayed in the room, the same exhausted look sat on our faces. “Good work.” Rhys said to me as he studied the map again. “You got all of this from books?” I had been too young to remember most of the war, let alone fight in it. But at least someone had thought it smart to recount all of it in very exact detail, I just managed to translate to current day Prythian. Rhys was silently nodding to himself as he really studied the map. The others slowly filter out of the room, leaving Rhys and I alone studying the map.

“And these?” He pointed to the orange marks I had drawn all over.

“Trade agreement routes, the thicker the line, the more movement there is through that path. They would be the most vulnerable areas since people know them so well. They’re also normally the quickest way between courts.” I pointed out more of the lines and pins. I had so much marked off, down to what ways the rivers flowed and where their currents changed. Rhys just drank in all the information I threw at him, only nodding along to the explanations. I was about to start on another part of the map before I saw his face freeze.

Rhys had completely stilled besides me. That all-too-familiar far-away look on his. When I raised my eyebrow at him, “What is it? Is it…” He didn’t wait for me to finish, instead he let me into his mind and I almost flinched at whatever feeling Feyre was sending him. The crushing agony and pure terror. It was a feeling I knew all too well. These weren't the few stray glimpses Feyre had sent him while they were separated. This was the very thing all of us were holding our breath for, hoping it never happened.

“Rhys we can’t just ignore it this time.” I spoke, already leaving the table. His hand wrapped around my wrist, making me pause.

“If you storm in there, Tamlin has every right to declare a war.”

“And we’ll have every right to kill his sorry ass. Something that we could have done decades ago.” I spit back at my brother.

“Please.” His voice shook with fear. Scared for Feyre and maybe for me. I put my hands up in surrender. I couldn’t argue against the tone in his voice.

“So how do you want to do this then?” I asked him and we started planning.

In less than 10 minutes Mor had winnowed right on the border of spring and summer. Rhys had insisted that she come along to help. Her status would help blanket us from any repercussions. Plus her powers would come in handy if any of the guards found us. So her and I snuck into that manor I had sworn I would never see again. Do it for Feyre. Be brave for her. I said to myself as my own terror rose to a fever pitch.

I could see the darkness already pouring out of the house. My anger quickly turned into fear. What did he do to her? The voice in my head screamed. Rhys had already broken the wards and whatever was locking her inside the house. Mor knocked out the guards before they could spot us. When we finally entered the house my blood ran cold. Sitting in a ball of inky darkness was Feyre. Her screams pierced something deep inside of me. I looked around and locked eyes with Alis. Her eyes wide as she took in my face.

“He locked her in the house. I tried to…Please just keep her safe.” Was all the older fae had said to me.

My heart warmed at the concern in her voice. The same concern she had once shown me. I nodded and walked towards Feyre. Whatever darkness she was wielding seemed to only be for her and as I shook her shoulder, gently saying her name they retreated slightly. I looked over to Mor who only gave me a small nod. Taking her cue, I picked up the shaking female and was startled by how light she felt. Mor spoke up from beside me. “Your guards are going to have a hell of a headache when they wake up.”

Alis nodded in understanding and I added. “Don’t tell him where we took her. Please.” And for a second I felt just as broken as the female in my arms. I knew she would tell him, and would have to tell him but a small part of me wished she wouldn’t. But that was unfair to expect of her. It reminded me too much of the same hope I had when I left. Face sunken in and heart broken as I begged her to not tell Tamlin I was leaving. No one was there to help me and I’ll be damned if Feyre ever felt that pain. I didn’t say another word as Mor winnowed us right in front of the border. It felt like I could finally breathe again as the scent shifted to ripe fruit and salt water that marked us as safe. Marked us in summer. Feyre shifted in my arms and mumbled something softly.

Mor soothed a hand through her hair. “You’re free.”

Rhys quickly scoped Feyre from my arms without so much as a word. He looked at Mor and I

“We did everything by the book.” Rhys nodded before I felt the air whoosh around my ears and I knew we had made it home. Rhys deftly climbed the stairs to take Feyre to her room and I just stood staring at my brother back. I blocked out the memories that began to rise to the surface. The scar on my arm prickled and when my other hand raised to scratch at the angry white lines that trailed down my forearm, Mors hand wrapped against mine. Grounding me in the present.

“She’s free.” She repeated to me.

“Thank the mother.” I responded as I started to climb the stairs suddenly bone tired.

Feyre didn’t emerge from her room that night or the next morning. More than once I found myself standing outside her door, hand held up to knock but some part of my brain told me not to. Rhys hasn't left her side the whole time she was asleep. Whatever magic she had used in the house had exhausted her and I felt my heart pang for her. How alone she must have felt, how scared she must have been to be locked in that house. I remember my simple panic the first time I went to the basement of the townhouse. How it transported me back to under the mountain, I couldn’t imagine how it felt to be locked away again.

When I finally did see her, she seemed to have gotten a little color back. Enough so that she was able to argue with Rhys again. I didn’t linger this time to hear the fight, letting them duke it out in private. But as Rhys turned the corner, I knew something that happened. Something important.

”We’re going home.”

If someone had told me two months ago that Feyre would be standing in the living room of our home in Velaris I would have probably keeled over laughing. But here we were, Feyre’s eyes flickering from spot to spot in the house. I couldn’t get a read on her face but before I could even process that, I heard a pounding on the door. Cassian’s voice filtering through the wood, already complaining. Rhys shot me a look that said deal with them please. He tried to hide it but I could tell he was waiting for Feyre’s reaction to her surroundings. A hint of anything to gauge how she was feeling. He needed her to like this place like he needed to breathe. So I excused myself from the room and slipped out the front door.

”Are you serious Cas?”

”I want to meet her. She’s right there, my brothers m-” I cut him off, blocking both him and Azriel from trying to peek into the house. They could easily push right past me but stayed a healthy distance.

”Do not finish that sentence. Do you want all of Velaris to know?” I whispered screamed at him and he rolled his eyes.

”I promise you drama queen, no one’s up this early. I don’t want to be up this early.”

After a few minutes of us bickering back and forth, Rhys opened the door and said to us, “Are you all just going to stand there?”

Cassian all but trampled me trying to get in the house. I laughed when I saw his crestfallen face as he noticed Feyre was no longer in the room. “She was here right?” He spoke to the room.

”Maybe she’s scared of your good looks Cas, can’t have her falling in love with the wrong Illyrian bastard now can we?” I shot Rhys a wink and he growled lightly.

”She’ll meet you when she’s ready.” Was all he said before he rangled all of us into the dining room.

Feyre slept for the rest of the morning. She came down the stairs dressed in Night Court clothes and I felt my breath catch in my throat. The way they seemed to compliment her well enough and I had to bite my tongue to prevent me from pointing that out. Rhys met her at the door and shot me a vulgar gesture at my sugary sweet, “Be safe kids.” That I called out from my spot on the couch. I sat on the couch until the sun started to set. I had just got to the good part and debated even going to the dinner at all but I was dying to see how Feyre would handle our crazy family. If she had any chance at surviving here, she needed to like them or they would drive her crazy. Although from Cassian’s earlier words that might be the case either way. So I groaned and pulled myself off the couch, pulling on the first thing that I saw and winnowed with Mor to the front steps of the house.

Azriel and Cassian were waiting to fly us up. Cassian wrapped his arm around Mor’s waist and Azriel did the same to me. I hardly felt my feet leave the ground before he was already placing me down in front of the door. I had not had the heart to come here since I’ve been home. Too many memories for me to want to come alone and Mor grabbed my hand as she pulled me through the threshold. We had just settled in before I heard the faint trails of Rhys and Feyre voices outside the door. I couldn’t stop the two males from bounding to the door, they flung it open to reveal a very annoyed looking Rhys. I held my breath as she stood in the doorway, eyes searching for something and she landed on me. She squared her shoulders but Cassian was already speaking.

”I promise we won't bite.”

Last I heard, Cassian, no one has taken you up on that offer.” And I laughed as Feyre’s face blanched. I didn’t miss the way the female's eyes raked over the Illyrians as they stepped into the light. I tried not the bristle as her eyes lingered on Azriel just a fraction longer than I would have liked. Rhys introduced the two and it was Feyres response to one of his questions that made me feel a frision of pride.

”How the hell did you manage to survive this long without anyone killing you?” She would fit right in and Cassian’s booming laugh told me that very same thing. Armen had appeared almost out of thin air as we all made our way to the table.

Feyre was slowly filled in about how the three brothers had met. Her eyes flickered to me during the story.

”Where do you fit into all of this, besides being his sister.” She quickly added. Everyone seemed to be waiting for me to answer.

”I mean there's not much else to it besides that. He got stuck with them so I did too. I nearly knocked Cassian's teeth in the first time I met him and I’ve been stuck with them ever since.” I stuck my tongue out at Cassian who rolled his eyes.

”You mean you broke your fist trying to, princess. I had to nurse you back to health and you were helpless but to fall for my charm.” Now it was my turn to roll my eyes and I fought the urge to throw my bread across the table at him. If it wasn't for Feyre I would have. The rest of the stories and tales flowed out and, much to Feyre’s credit, she didn’t falter in the slightest. She interjected at the perfect moments, making jokes that had everyone roaring with laughter. Then the tables were turned onto her and Cassian was asking her about her life. After she had finished she turned to Rhys.

’I accept your offer- to work with you.” And I wanted to scream and cheer. I felt no such joy from Rhys as he started.

”Good because we start tomorrow. Hybern is starting this war and he’s going to bring back Jurian to help him.” I felt a shiver run down my back. Rhys had neglected to tell me that part. In an instant the lighthearted conversation was thrown to the side and Cassian launched into full general mode.

I tried my best to keep up with this new bit of information, how it would throw a wrench into any attempts of a plan. I missed the conversation that followed, mind already trying to figure out the adjustments I would need to make to the map in my office. Armen managed to snap me out of my thinking.

”The Bone Carver might indeed be willing to talk to her.” She pointed a finger at Feyre and I went to argue against the ancient female. Rhy had beaten me to it.

”Your choice, always your choice, Feyre.” and I tried to keep the fear off my face as she answered.

”How bad could it be.” Cassians’ answer had her face pale as a ghost and it was clear dinner was over at that moment. The others reduced to arguing over the semantics and who would be doing what in preparation for their journey to the prison. My eyes suddenly felt very heavy at the sounds of their voices. Azriel’s gentle hand on my shoulder was the sign that the arguing had stopped at all. I didn’t need to be asked a second time and as he flew me back down to the ground below Velaris, I wondered if all of us would make it through the war a second time.

Next Chapter: Here

Taglist: @durgenyx @tothestarsandwhateverend @quinzzelx

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justagalwhowrites · 2 days ago

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Halcyon - Ch. 19: Did You Mean That?

Joel confronts your shared past and potential future. A continuation of Halcyon from the prologue through Ch. 18, a modern no outbreak AU TLOU fic found on Tumblr here.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Warnings: Angst. Modern No Outbreak AU, No use of Y/N, Slow burn, 18+ only, Minors DNI

Length: 6.6k

AO3 | Main Master List | Prologue | Previous Chapter

Joel was frozen for longer than he was proud of, staring at the place you’d left him.

I fucking heard you.

What the fuck did that even mean? Heard what?

He looked back toward Sarah’s room. He shouldn’t just leave her here by herself but he considered it all the same. He’d just… he’d go after you, make you talk to him like he should have done all those years ago. He wasn’t going to just let you disappear again, not this time.

Instead, he called you, still standing on his front stoop, still considering chasing after you. It rang twice but then you sent him to voicemail.

“Fuck!”

His grip got tight on the phone but he resisted the urge to hurl the phone at the brick of his house.

“Dad?” Sarah peered at him from around the doorway, her eyes somehow seeming especially wide.

He sighed.

“Yes, baby girl.”

“You and Aunt Goldie were really in a fight, huh.”

He sighed again, looking at his daughter even though it only made him feel worse. She loved you so much, you were the closest thing she’d ever had to a mother and Joel had fucked that up, too.

“It’s… it’s complicated, baby girl,” he said. “C’mon, let’s go inside, it’s getting late, you should get ready for bed…”

“But,” she huffed. “Dad, it’s Goldie. You can’t just let her leave, she’s family!”

“I know,” he said, a hand on her back as he guided her back inside. “Not gonna just let her go, don’t worry. I just… need to figure out what to do first, OK?”

“Promise you’re not going to just not talk again for years?” She asked, looking up at him. “Because - sorry, Dad - that was bullshit.”

“Hey,” he said. “Language.”

“Dad.”

“Yeah,” he said. “Yeah, you’re right. It was bullshit.”

He texted you while Sarah got ready for bed but you left him on read and he ground his teeth. He read his daughter a chapter from a book and resisted her begging to have him read another one before tucking her in, thankful that she still wanted him to do this at all.

“Hey Dad?” She said as he went to leave.

“Yes, baby girl?”

“You’re going to talk to her, right?”

He sighed. She sounded so hopeful.

“I’ll fix it,” he said. “Promise. Love you.”

“Love you too,” she said, sounding more relaxed.

He closed the door behind him and went to the living room, pacing for a moment.

I fucking heard you.

He tried to remember the conversation with Ricky all those years ago, not something he’d really thought about in so long.

Other things from that small window of time had dominated Joel’s memory. He remembered trying to find the words to talk to you, trying to come up with a plan for every possible outcome. If you wanted him, too, then he would figure out a way to be there for Tommy and his mom from afar and go with you. If, heaven forbid, you were pregnant, he would do everything to make sure you could still go to school and still be everything you were meant to be while he took care of the rest. If you wanted nothing to do with him… that had been the one scenario he hadn’t come up with a solution for. Of course, that had been the one he’d been left to reckon with.

He remembered how he felt then, how desperate he’d been. But he couldn’t remember exactly what he’d said to fucking Ricky, something that had apparently stuck out in your mind so much that you’d moved across the country without a fucking word. He went over it again and again but couldn’t remember it, even though it felt like his fucking life depended on it.

Eventually he tried to call you again but it only rang once before you sent him to voicemail.

He listened to your outgoing message, bright and cheery, flexing his hand again and again as he waited, impatiently, for the beep.

“Goldie,” he said when it finally let him record a message. “Not letting you walk out, I’m gonna keep calling. Just… pick up, baby. Please.”

He hung up and immediately called again. Two rings, then voicemail. He called again.

The fourth time, you finally answered, your voice sharp and harsh.

“What!” You snapped. “What more do you want from me?”

“I want to talk to you,” he said, straining to keep calm. “I don’t know what you mean, I don’t remember what the fuck you’re talking about, I…”

You laughed once, derisively.

“Of course you don’t,” you said. “You wouldn’t, would you? Because I was always just another girl to you, wasn’t I? Why would you remember…”

“No,” he cut you off. “No, that’s not…”

“I need some space, Joel,” you said.

“I’m not losing you again, Goldie,” he said, harsher than he really meant to. “Please, let me just…”

“If you don’t want to lose me then do what I’m asking you to do,” you said. “I need space, OK? I can’t just do this with you, I can’t… just don’t call me or text me or whatever, just give me some time.”

“Goldie…”

“I mean it, Joel,” you said. “I need space.”

He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Fine,” he said. “I…I can do that.”

“Thank you,” you said. “I’ll talk to later.”

“Will you?” He asked, probably rougher than he should have.

“Eventually,” you said. “Yeah.”

“Yeah,” he said, his voice thick. “Yeah, OK.”

You hung up and he sighed, sinking onto the couch and cradling his head in his hands for a moment.

He was on the edge of losing you again, he could feel it. He couldn’t let it happen, not this time. He started thinking again, just like he had all those years ago, trying to think up contingency plans and ways to work through this without you leaving but, really, that’s what it always came back to. He’d do anything - he’d never touch you again, he’d tolerate your shitbag husband, he’d watch you live a life he was agonizingly separate from - if it just meant that you stayed.

Joel got himself a drink, which quickly became two and then three, staring at the ceiling, wondering just how long he was supposed to stay away from you this time before he passed out on the couch.

When he woke up the next day, time seemed to crawl. He couldn’t just ignore you. You were in everything, it seemed. Sarah showed him the books you’d gotten her, excited about reading them. He reviewed his business plan again and again, looking at your notes in the margins. He put on a Longhorns t-shirt and remembered you sitting at his kitchen table, building out your syllabus for the year.

Even Tommy noticed a difference when he was at work on Tuesday, seemingly short tempered and impatient.

“You gonna tell me who pissed in your Cheerios or you gonna leave that a mystery?” Tommy asked as they leaned against his truck during a coffee break.

“What do you mean?” Joel frowned, staring down at the paper cup and thinking about how you took your coffee and wondering what was he supposed to do with that knowledge if you were just gone now.

“I mean you’ve been biting people’s heads off all week,” Tommy said. “I mean, you’re always an asshole but you’ve been in rare form man.”

“Tommy…”

“Don’t feed me some bullshit, either,” he interrupted him. “Know you too well for that.”

Joel looked at Tommy for a moment before he sighed and it all came spilling out of him - prom night, what had been happening between the two of you the last few months, the moment in his kitchen, what you’d yelled at him over the weekend, all of it.

“Jesus,” Tommy said when he was done, just blinking at him, dumbfounded. “I… fuck, man. I always thought there was something between you two but… holy shit.”

“I don’t know what the fuck it is she’s talking about,” Joel said. “I talked with Ricky back then but fuck if I can remember what it was about, that was more than a decade ago, what the fuck am I supposed to do?”

“I mean… do you know how she feels?” Tommy asked, taking a sip of coffee.

“Yeah,” Joel scoffed. “Yeah, I think she’s made that perfectly fuckin’ clear.”

“Has she?” Tommy said. “Because - and maybe you just didn’t mention it - but I don’t think you actually talked about it. Ever. Not once.”

Joel frowned, looking at the ground, going over everything in his mind.

That couldn’t be right, could it?

It sure seemed like you’d talked about it. Maybe not explicitly, but everything you’d said pointed to you seeing him as a friend. You said you wanted to be with someone you could love and that wasn’t him. The first time he’d slept with you again, you asked him not to call you baby and he’d all but begged you to let him. He’d had to fucking comfort you the morning after the concert, tell you that it didn’t mean anything so you didn’t panic because being with him freaked you out that much. You’d never said it, not in so many words, but you didn’t need to.

“Maybe you should ask her,” Tommy said when Joel had been quiet for too long.

“Tommy,” Joel groaned, rolling his eyes. “I can’t just…”

“Can’t you?” Tommy said. ��I mean… shit, man. You already blew it all up, what else you got to lose?”

Tommy’s words were still in Joel’s mind when he left the job site that afternoon, going home to get cleaned up before going to the bank for his business loan appointment.

What did he really have to lose? He could at least tell you how he felt, a thought that made his chest tight but brought a sense of relief, too. He’d been holding this in for so long now. It seemed like loving you had become a part of him, one that he was used to keeping to himself but one he didn’t want to hide anymore.

He’d told himself for years that he’d loved you quietly because it’s what you wanted. You weren’t interested, it was unfair to put his feelings on you. Even when you were a country away and not speaking with him, he found it strangely comforting to know that while it might be because he’d caved to his baser instincts and slept with you, it wasn’t because he’d pushed his feelings on you. He had regrets - he’d have given anything to take back that night if it meant you’d just talk to him again - but at least he knew how he felt about you hadn’t been the thing that had driven you away.

Could it really be possible that not telling you had been the thing that sent you running from him? Had he really wasted years of his life not having you all because he’d been too afraid of actually fucking saying it?

He put on his best clothes - wishing he had a suit for the first time in his life - and took a deep breath, looking at himself in the mirror. It felt like his whole life was riding on this, everything he could have sitting there, just out of reach.

He’d never been worthy of you before. Back when he met you, he was barely passing his classes, going nowhere fast. Doomed to spend his life in his hometown, doing some job to get by while trying to keep his kid brother’s nose clean. He hadn’t gotten much better since, staying in the first job he could get, doing his best to raise the child he’d made by accident, trying to make something of himself as he could. It was nothing compared to you. But if he could manage this, actually do something real and tangible, maybe he’d feel worthwhile.

Joel drummed his hands on the steering wheel as he drove, one of the Taylor Swift songs from the concert he’d gone to with you and Sarah coming on the radio and he remembered looking at you that night, remembered how much he wanted to kiss you in a way that actually meant something. He had to do this. He had to.

His stomach was in knots as he sat in the bank waiting room, one foot bouncing as he tried not to crinkle his presentation and application in his hands. He wished you were here. Why was he doing this on his own? What made him think he was even fucking capable of this without you?

After what felt like a small eternity, a woman named Audrey brought him back to her office and Joel took a deep breath before walking her through his business plan.

His heart was pounding the entire time and there was something perverse about talking through a future that you weren’t somehow a part of. He walked Audrey through the financial plans, what the next five years would look like and there was the nagging thought at the back of his mind that he should have talked with you about all of this. How money would be tight for a while, how he’d be extra busy, how much he appreciated the way you’d supported him through all of this so far. He never could have done this without you pushing him, encouraging him, helping him navigate the business world. It felt like your success, too, when Audrey set his presentation down on her desk, nodding.

“Well, Joel,” she said, looking at him with a smile. “I think we have everything we need. Congratulations, you’re getting your loan!”

Joel just laughed for a second, looking next to him quickly before remembering that you weren’t by his side.

“Thank you,” he said. “This is… thank you very much.”

“Looking forward to doing business with you,” she smiled. “Give me just a minute and I’ll be back with some papers so we can get things going.”

Joel took his phone out and stared at his text message conversation with you, the last thing he sent still “I’m sorry.” He wanted to tell you that he’d done it. He was a business owner, he was going to be something, he was becoming someone that Sarah was going to be proud of and it was all because you’d come back into his life. You were who he wanted to share this with and he couldn’t.

Audrey gave him the paperwork and he went through it page by page, more than a little reminded of when he got his mortgage and felt like he was signing his life away but with more optimism about his future this time.

About halfway through the paperwork, though, the pen started skipping. He tried wetting the tip of it, scratching on a corner of the paper but he couldn’t get it to write smoothly again.

“Do you got another one of these?” Joel asked, holding the pen up. “Can’t get it to work…”

“Oh yeah, sorry about that,” Audrey said, looking around her desk, including at an empty pen cup. “Let me just…”

She opened a desk drawer and took a few things out, piling things on her desk - a purse, water bottle, a book.

Joel cocked his head at the book, the spine of it familiar. So familiar that he couldn’t help but laugh. Of course you’d be here, too.

“What?” She asked as she found a plain, white box and pulled out a handful of pens with the bank’s logo on the side. She dropped them into the pen cup and held one out to Joel.

“Oh, nothin’,” he said, taking the pen and nodding at the novel. “Just… my friend, she wrote that book. Funny seeing someone read it.”

“Wait, really?” She asked, her face lighting up as she held up your book. “You know who wrote this?”

“Yeah,” Joel nodded. “Yeah, she’s my best friend, known her since we were 15. She’s… she’s amazing. She teaches now, over at UT.”

Audrey set the book down, leaning over the desk with her arms folded in front of her like she was going to tell Joel some kind of secret.

“OK can I ask something?” She asked. “Sorry, this is probably hugely unprofessional but I am obsessed with this book, I can’t put it down and my book club is going crazy. Is any of it true? The falling in love and things ending like that? It seems like it has to be at least somewhat based on her life, I don’t see how someone could write this without knowing it, you know?”

“Oh, uh,” Joel cupped the back of his neck awkwardly. “I actually… haven’t read it?”

“Oh,” she said, sitting back a little, looking let down.

“Sorry,” Joel said. “I’ve tried and I know it’ll be amazing but it’s just too weird for me…”

“No, I’m sorry,” she laughed a little. “I overstepped, I shouldn’t have assumed…”

“I should read it,” Joel said quickly. “I got it at home, maybe I’ll give it another go now.”

“You should,” Audrey said. “It’s really, really good.”

The new pen worked and Joel finished the paperwork, staring at his signature on the last page a little too long. He handed the pen and papers back to Audrey.

“You can keep the pen,” she smiled, taking the pages. “Let me make copies of these for your records but otherwise, congratulations, owner of Miller Brothers Construction and Contracting!”

Joel had a bubble of pride in his chest as he drove home, one that seemed too big to keep contained and, against his better judgement, he called you.

He wasn’t entirely sure what he expected, if he thought you were going to send him to voicemail, if you were going to answer and let him actually say something to you or what.

What he didn’t expect was Gale.

“Hello?”

Joel just blinked for a second, recognizing the man’s pompous voice even from just the one word.

“Is this Joel?” Gale - fucking BRAD - said. He took his silence as a yes and laughed. “Was wondering if I’d hear from you. Don’t worry, she’s with me, back where she belongs. Thanks for looking after her while I was gone, though. Appreciate it.”

“Lemme talk to her,” Joel said through clenched teeth.

“I don’t see why that’s necessary,” he said. “Seems like she doesn’t want much to do with you these days. Think you blew it. Thanks for that, too, by the way.”

“We’re just…”

“You’re just nothing,” Gale cut him off. “You were nothing but a childish distraction for her. She went running back here when things got hard - which I take my part of the blame for - and she needed a project to keep herself busy but she doesn’t need you anymore. So go back to the little life you’re meant for and leave us be. She was always too much for you and this place, anyway.”

“No,” Joel said sharply. “No, you put her on the phone, put her on the phone right now!”

“Can’t do that,” Gale said. “But I’ll tell her you called. Take care.”

The line went dead and Joel threw his phone against the dash so hard the screen cracked.

“Fuck!” He yelled, smacking his hands against the steering wheel. He wasn’t going to lose you, not again, not like this.

He ignored Gale. Instead, he drove to your house, pounding sharply on the door, panting for breath as he did but you never answered.

So he went to Anna’s next. He only needed to knock for a minute before she opened the door, Ellie’s beaming, chubby face happy in her arms.

“Hey Joel,” Anna smiled at him. “Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes! Here to see this one?”

Ellie squirmed in Anna’s arms, cooing and reaching for Joel and he laughed once, he couldn’t help it, before holding his arms out for her. Anna handed him her daughter and Ellie giggled, immediately reaching to tangle her tiny fingers in his curls. He smiled at her for a moment, marveling at the little girl who’d brought you and him together in the way it felt like you were always meant to be.

“Is she here?” Joel asked, bouncing a little with Ellie, watching her smile, her little body a grounding force that eased his racing heart.

“Oh,” Anna frowned, her eyebrows knitting together. “No, sorry, she’s not here too often anymore, just a few times a week… She moved back home, I thought you knew that?”

“No, I did,” Joel said quickly, looking to Anna and offering a finger to Ellie for her to gum at. “She just… wasn’t there, tried callin’ her but…”

“Oh,” Anna pulled her phone out, looking at the time. “She might still be at the school, I can call her for you…”

“No,” Joel said quickly, not wanting to get your sister involved in the mess of whatever the fuck was going on between the two of you. “Don’t… Don’t worry about it, sure I’ll talk to her eventually.”

“OK,” Anna said, still frowning. “Look… It’s not my business but… Is there something going on with you two?”

Joel just looked at Anna for a moment, wondering if he should tell her, too, because fuck it, why not just let the whole world know how much he’d fucked up with you.

But she beat him to it, going from a frown to an absolutely glowing smile in no time at all.

“Oh my God.”

“What?” He asked, adjusting his hold on Ellie.

“You love her!” She sounded practically giddy. “Oh my GOD I knew it! You LOVE her! Have you told her? Does she know? Oh my GOD, JOEL!”

“I… I haven’t exactly said it,” Joel said, his cheeks getting hot. “I don’t want to make it her problem, I don’t want to get in the way of her being happy, I just… I want to be there for it.”

Anna just looked at him for a moment before shaking her head a little.

“Is… Is she happy with him?” Joel asked, watching your sister closely. “Is he what she wants? I didn’t know her when they were really together, I just… it seems like he holds her back and that he’s bad for her and…”

“Joel, did you read her book?” Anna cut him off.

He frowned.

“What? What does that…”

“You wanted to know if he’s what she wants,” Anna said. “She’s never going to actually say it, you know that. At least not to you or to me, she’s always going to try to seem like she’s OK and handle it herself until she can’t and even then she’s not going to actually fucking say it, Joel, but she will write it. She always writes it. Read the book, Joel.”

He gave Ellie back to Anna and went home, trying to focus as he made Sarah dinner and helped her with her homework.

Read the book. Just read the fucking book. Was that all it would take? Could he even do that? If fucking Brad really was what you wanted, could he really sit and read hundreds of pages about how much better your life had been when he wasn’t in it?

He’d never been able to manage it and it wasn’t because he didn’t want to know you through your words and it wasn’t because he didn’t like your writing. It was because he didn’t know if he could stomach reading something you wrote while you were in love with someone else.

But… Anna was right. He knew that. If he wanted to know the truth of any of it, he’d have to read it. So, after he tucked Sarah into bed, he sat on the floor, staring at the box in his closet that held the two copies of your book like it was daring him to actually confront his feelings for a change. Because that had always worked out so well for him in the past, not like every fucking time he’d resolved to actually talk to you he hadn’t found you loving someone else.

“Fuck it,” he muttered, opening the box and pulling out the books. This time, though, he picked the signed copy, the one he’d never tried to read before. There was something different about holding this copy, knowing that you had once, too. He ran his hands over the cover and the spine reverently for a moment before he leaned his back against the wall of the closet and opened the book.

Joel had to force himself to read past the first few paragraphs, his stomach in knots the entire time, but, after a while, he fell into it - to the point that he almost forgot that he was reading your book.

He’d known, from what little he’d managed to read in the past, that the book started in Austin, he just hadn’t expected the story to linger there.

But it did, the narrative following a girl named Cressida. She started out as a quiet, introspective high schooler who had become unlikely friends with a football player named Eli, a friendship that felt so like his with yours. They knew each other, understood each other, their worlds seem to revolve around each other. It seemed natural that it led to them sleeping together. But instead of the immediate implosion that had ended your relationship in real life, theirs devolved over time. Cressida came back to him again and again, the two of them winding up loosely connected every time a relationship of Eli’s fizzled out, her clinging to a heart wrenching longing that hurt to read, one that her friend seemed shockingly oblivious to.

Eventually, though, things came crashing down. This was different too, though, because it ended not with her vanishing but him, a car accident claiming Eli’s life when Cressida had finally resolved to tell him how she felt. They buried him in a sunny corner of the graveyard just before graduation and Cressida, it seemed, never really moved past it.

The other three-quarters of the book followed her as she tried – desperately, devastatingly – to live again, to get over the love she’d never really had to begin with, to find some place to root herself outside of that sun-drenched grave in her hometown.

She never really managed it, the ending almost painfully unsatisfying but feeling true. She’d become something – Cressida delving into the business world instead of the creative one as you had – and she found success away from home but her mind kept going back to that place and that person. She’d had relationships but, when her last boyfriend had proposed, she couldn’t bring herself to say yes. It had felt like a lie, to tell someone she would love him above all others when she’d never love him more than the memory of the boy who had been gone for years. He’d died at the worst time, the part of her life that would always be on a pedestal no matter what she did. Nothing and no one would ever compare and she was stuck, still going back to him again and again even though he was cold in the ground.

The last chapter closed with her bringing home a man who reminded her of her friend, something charming about him that took her back to that brighter place for a while. But when he fell asleep next to her, she had to confront that hollow feeling in her chest. In the last moment of the story, she bought a plane ticket to go back to that sunny grave site, something about the calm that fell over her when she decided to go back making it seem like that grave was her resting place, too.

Joel just stared at the book when he read the final words, the last pages flopping over, revealing your picture on the inside flap of the dust jacket. That knowing smile and piercing gaze gutted him then, no longer the taunt and temptation of knowledge they had once been.

Was Anna right, was this the truth of it? Did you write out your real feelings? Had he really gotten everything this fucking wrong? Had he really spent years wishing things with you were different when they’d been different all along?

He got out his phone and ignored the fact that it was 4:30 in the morning and called you. You didn’t answer. It didn’t even go to voicemail, the phone ringing once before he got some message saying the number was unavailable.

“Fuck,” he sighed, closing his eyes and leaning his head back against the wall. He wasn’t positive but, based on his experience trying to track down Sarah’s mom years ago, that meant you’d blocked his number. It’d be just his fucking luck that he thought - hoped? - that, maybe, you felt the way he did at the same time he lost you for good.

He sat there with his eyes closed in the glow of his closet light, next to the box made up of the history of you, trying to pick through his memory from all those years ago, searching for some sort of guarantee that the book was based on what happened between the two of you back then.

At some point, when he was swallowed by his memory of you, he fell asleep. Maybe it was the book, maybe it was the fact that he’d been sifting through ancient history when exhaustion finally caught up with him, maybe it was your words still ringing in his ears, but he remembered then.

In his dream, he was back under the bleachers with Ricky, pacing to work out his nerves. He talked to his friend - the one who was more experienced, the one who wasn’t reckless, the one who would understand exactly why he was so afraid of what he might have just done to you.

But, most importantly, he remembered exactly how that conversation had ended.

It’s Goldie. I wish it were anyone else. It’d be better if it were anyone else.

“Dad!”

Joel jerked awake, the book still open in his hands, your signature there for him to see.

I fucking heard you.

Sarah pounded on his bedroom door again.

“Dad, come on!” She yelled. “I’m gonna be late!”

“Shit,” he rubbed the sleep from his eyes and checked the time before calling to his daughter. “Two minutes, baby girl!”

He got up as quickly as he could, his legs tingling from his awkward sleeping position on the floor of the fucking closet.

Joel got changed quickly, barely paying attention to what he was putting on.

He’d had the answers sitting there for years, he’d just been too afraid to look it in the face but he had and now he knew. He knew how you felt - how you must have felt, why else would his misunderstood words have driven you away? - he knew how much time he’d already fucking wasted by being a coward, he knew it all now.

He just didn’t know what the fuck to do about it.

Joel got Sarah out the door quickly, barely paying attention on his drive to the school. He couldn’t just give up. He already refused to lose you, not again, but now it would be impossible. You were so close, everything he’d ever wanted there in front of him but just out of reach. Even if you’d moved on now, even if you were happier with fucking Brad, he had to tell you. He owed both of you that much.

“Bye Dad!” Sarah poked her head between the two front seats and gave him a peck on the cheek.

“What was that for?” He frowned, turning to look at her.

She just shrugged and smiled.

“Just seemed like you needed it,” she said. “Love you!”

“Love you too!” He called after her as she hopped down from the truck and slammed the door behind her with a little too much force, waving behind her as she ran to the building.

“Alright,” he took a deep breath, looking at the clock on his dashboard. Just after 8 a.m. He’d start at your place because he wasn’t sure what time you went to campus this semester. But he was going to talk to you. He was going to talk to you and he was going to tell you how he felt and he was going to do it today. “I’m comin’, Goldie.”

You weren’t at your place when he got there. He tried not to think about if it was because you’d spent the night with fucking Brad, if you’d gone to his hotel and had never even been here. Instead, he went to campus. He wasn’t sure where you’d be teaching right now but he was pretty sure you wouldn’t be in your office. You always had morning classes with a break in the afternoon.

“Excuse me,” he said to a random passing college student. “I’m lookin’ for… shit, probably creative writing? Or literature? What buildings are those?”

“Oh, um,” the girl looked around quickly. “I’m a physics major but I know I had an English class in that building over there last semester? You could start there?”

She pointed to a building in the distance and Joel kept his groan to himself. He forgot how fucking huge college campuses were.

But he couldn’t just sit and wait. He needed to find you and he needed to do it now.

“Thanks,” he said, giving her a wave and already starting to jog for the building. “Appreciate it!”

But you didn’t have a class in that building. At least not at that time of day. He knew because he looked in all the lecture halls. You weren’t there.

He tried two other buildings after asking for directions - no luck - before checking his watch. If your schedule was anything like it had been the semesters before, you’d be in your office soon. That, at least, he knew how to find.

He jogged there, resisting the urge to run because that would probably make him look utterly insane, and threw his arm out to catch the elevator on its way up.

“Floor 10, please,” he said to one of the college girls looking at him funny as he panted for breath. She did as he asked, though, and he marveled, for a moment, at just how fucking young college kids seemed to him now.

He closed his eyes and focused for a second, trying to figure out exactly what to say to you, but hearing your name pulled him out of his head.

“I don’t think they’re still like… together together, though,” the girl who’d pushed the button said. “Like I know they were married but she said he was visiting. He’d live here if they were married, right? Besides, I really don’t think her husband would be asking for my number with his wife there, would he?”

“I dunno,” the other girl shrugged. “He’s just… isn’t he old? Like old old, not hot old.”

“I like them old,” the first girl giggled. “They know what they’re doing then.”

The elevator chimed and the girls got off and Joel’s heart was beating so hard he could feel the blood in his body. You’d brought fucking Brad here and he’d hit on one of your fucking students - one who looked so young Joel never would have looked twice at her if he saw her on the street. Right in front of you, from the sounds of it. That’s who you’d chosen, that’s who you’d felt like you deserved because he hadn’t opened his fucking mouth years earlier.

When the elevator made it to floor 10, he squeezed out of the doors, not willing to wait for them to open all the way, and ran to your office.

“Excuse me,” the girl behind the front desk said as he went past her. “You can’t just…”

“It’s fine,” he said, catching the door as someone came out of the hall where your office was.

“No, wait!” She called after him but he ignored her.

He ducked around other professors, dodging them and their questions until he was at your door.

It was closed but he didn’t bother to knock, throwing the door open to find you there, standing in front of your desk in the arms of your fucking husband as he kissed you.

Joel moved so fast that neither you nor Gale had noticed he was there but he couldn’t just stand there and watch that fucking guy kiss you, not like that.

Without really thinking about it, he ripped him away from you, just catching a glimpse of the shock on your face as he punched Gale in the head, sending him sprawling into your desk.

“Joel!” You yelled before grabbing his arm and pulling him back before he could hit your goddamn husband again. “What the fuck are you doing!”

“Sorry, baby,” he said, shaking the feel of the punch out of his hand, his knuckles raw. “I couldn’t just watch that fucking guy touch you like that.”

“Well, it’s really not your business how he touches me!” You snapped, shoving him back. “You don’t get to just come in here and hit people because you’re not getting your way anymore!”

“That ain’t what this is,” he said, taking you by the shoulders, something grounding in the fact that could feel you again. “Baby, I read your book…”

“Congratulations!” You snapped. “What, do you want a cookie because you finally got around to supporting me?”

“No,” he shook his head. “Did you mean that? What you wrote, was that…”

“What does it matter!” You asked, your eyes searching his face. “Why do you care! It’s ancient history, it doesn’t…”

“It does matter!” He held you tight, wanting to kiss you more than he ever had before. “It matters because I love you, I love you so much, I’ve loved you since we were fucking kids, I love you so much that I think it might kill me if you don’t let me just say that to you at least this once and if you feel that way, too…”

“You need to leave,” Gale - who Joel had all but forgotten about - said, trying to position himself between you and Joel. “And take your hands off my wife.”

“Oh I haven’t even fuckin’ started with you,” Joel said, rounding on him. “You’re a fucking predator, chasing after her fuckin’ students while you’re here with her? Doing with them what you did with her, that it? Lucky I don’t beat the shit out of you…”

“Joel, I…” you began, but you didn’t get the chance to finish, Gale pulling you back from Joel and going to hit him.

Joel didn’t give him the chance, shoving him away from you before punching him again. Gale fell, landing on your desk again with a sharp crack.

“Joel!” You yelled.

He didn’t get a chance to respond. Instead, he got pulled back, security guards dragging him into the hall and away from you before he knew if he had a shot at really having you for the first time in his life.

A/N: FUCK YOU GALE!

Sorry, I've been picturing that moment since I first thought up the fic. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did!

Taglist: @kaseyconnour

#fanfic #joel miller x female reader #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #halcyon #joel miller x oc

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museofreverie · 1 month ago

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𝐖𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐅𝐫𝐞𝐞𝐝𝐨𝐦. Eren Jaeger

Pairing: Modern Fem!Reader x Eren Jaeger┊ONGOING ┊Written in 2nd POV

In which a chronically online Gen Z that went through the pandemic goes to the Attack on Titan Universe and tries her very best to change the ending with an "I can fix him" mentality.

⋆˖⁺‧₊☽ 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 ☾₊‧⁺˖⋆

Archive of Our Own ┊ Wattpad

┈➤ 𝐒𝐘𝐍𝐎𝐏𝐒𝐈𝐒

When the world is thrown into chaos and safety protocols become the new normal, you must confront the fact that continuing your lifelong dreams of becoming a dancer may no longer be possible after experiencing the loss of a beloved someone due to the pandemic. However, there is always a possibility of finding small joy even in times of despair: the freedom to do whatever you want during quarantine. And perhaps this includes being addicted to the Attack on Titan series. But when an action of yours triggers a phenomenon, you find yourself transported to a familiar world where man-eating titans exist, with the threat of war looming between countries ━ all of a sudden, fiction becomes reality and things take a drastic turn as you encounter your beloved characters. As the stakes become increasingly high with your knowledge about the future, you must learn how to confront your fears, face the consequences of your choices, and with the goal to change the course of history and stop the gruesome fate of many by helping Eren Jaeger discover the true meaning of freedom at all cost.

┈➤ 𝐓𝐀𝐁𝐋𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐒

𝟎𝟎𝟎┊Prologue 𝟎𝟎┊From You, 2000 Years Ago 𝟎𝟏┊The Girl Who Knew 𝟎𝟐┊Iced Coffee and Anxieties 𝟎𝟑┊Some Words of Wisdom 𝟎𝟒┊Just a Very Long Dream 𝟎𝟓┊Under The Tree 𝟎𝟔┊Dépaysement 𝟎𝟕┊Held Captive 𝟎𝟖┊Rot Girl Summer [ONGOING]

┈➤ 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒

Heavy Spoilers, Manga Spoilers, Slow Burn, Long Chapters, Attempt at Humor, Heavy Cursing, Mommy Issues, Blood and Gore, Anxiety Attacks, Grief, Violence, PTSD, Trauma, Mention of food restrictions, Body Dysmorphia, Period-Typical Discrimination, Fascism, Gaslighting, Slavery, Mental Illness, War Crimes, Racism, Death

┈➤ 𝐀𝐔𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐑'𝐒 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄

Hello, everyone! I finally decided to post this Eren fic here on tumblr to have more engagement to it. Yes, it's an isekai fic and yes, we will embrace the cringe! The AOT brainrot will not end that's why I wrote this because Eren deserves a happy ending---but before that, please bear with me because this is a slow burn fic. I didn't want this fic just to focus on romance and make Y/N a mary sue---I want her, you, be written as human as possible. This fic will talk about loss, grief, moral dilemmas, psychological trauma and many more along the way. Also, if you don't mind, there will be a LOT of pop culture references. (If you don't like reading those, then it's fine. You are free to exit this fic.) I hope you'll enjoy this ride! feel free to also comment down your thoughts since I love reading comments <3 lots of love!

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hard-core-super-star · 1 year ago

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she had the world [K.Bishop]

pairing: kate bishop x stark!reader

summary: your first meeting with the future inheritor of bishop security doesn't go as planned and, unfortunately for the two of you, first impressions matter.

warnings: none, i think; enemies-to-lovers vibe but in an accidental way aka kate's a well-intentioned idiot but her comments don't land well; i haven't watched the iron man films in years and this AU definitely doesn't fit the real MCU timeline but shhhhh, just roll with it

wordcount: 944

a/n: wrote this for my lovely 🧞‍♀️ anon who requested an expansion of this headcanon set. i was originally only going to just do another headcanon set but i decided to try my hand at writing a mini-fic. it's sort of a prologue for a longer fic i may or may not write at some point. i just love this little AU i accidentally created so...we'll see what happens. hope you enjoy <3

* * * * * * *

“This is ridiculous,” you grumble as you mess with the top button of your slightly wrinkled shirt. “If the owner of the company couldn’t bother to show up, why do I have to?”

Your comment makes Happy chuckle, although he’s quick to pull himself back together the second he catches sight of the glare Pepper throws his way.

“Listen, I know it’s not an ideal way to spend your night but it’s better than a long meeting with boring investors.”

“Tony wouldn’t show up to those either so my question still stands,” you counter.

This time, you’re the one on the receiving end of the blonde’s glare. She hates when you refer to your dad by his name despite the fact that he couldn’t care less what you call him as long as he’s able to stay in your good graces. Tony Stark has many flaws but he’s not the world’s worst father...even if every news outlet in the world tries to make it seem that way.

“I hate to be the one to break it to you, y/n, but you’re going to be responsible for Stark Industries sooner or later. I’m only trying to help you here.” Her tone leaves no room for arguments so you don’t even try, you just look out the window until you reach your destination.

You’re not about to admit it but Pepper’s right.

Tony has enough on his hands dealing with the aftermath of the Sokovia Accords to spend any time on Stark Industries. Especially when “spending time on '' is equal to going to awful parties and meeting the CEO of every new company that shows up.

Which is a lot harder than it seems considering the amount of “entrepreneurs” living in New York.

So, that means it’s up to you and Pepper to keep the family business afloat. You handle all the public appearances and she makes sure nothing goes wrong regarding the technical and economic side of things. Meanwhile, Tony spends his days fixing up his old Iron Man suits and trying not to let his guilt eat him alive. (He’s failing miserably but at least he still spends time with you)

You’re not happy about the situation you all find yourselves in but it’s not like you can do anything about it.

Which is how you end up bored out of your mind at a stuffy party hosted by the owner and CEO of Bishop Security. You’ve heard the name in passing, mainly by a frustrated Pepper trying to deny suspicious meetings on your behalf. You don’t know much about Eleanor Bishop but you’ve heard her daughter’s name far too many times to act like you don’t know who they are.

Unfortunately, no amount of rumors could have prepared you for the reality of coming face-to-face with Kate Bishop.

You bump into her, literally, on your way to talk to Pepper in hopes of convincing her that having spent two hours at the party is enough.

“Shit, I’m sorry!” She instantly apologizes and any hope of appearing annoyed fades away instantly. “I, uh, I just wanted to talk to you.”

Her words leave your mind spinning so you reply without thinking, accidentally channeling the small pieces of Tony Stark that live within you. “Should I be worried about that?”

Kate blinks back her surprise at your tone. “I hope not. It’s just…you’re y/n Stark, right?”

There’s a certain amount of awe in her voice that should be flattering but you’ve been burned far too many times to fall for it. Even if her words are accompanied by a genuine smile.

“That depends on what you’re going to say next,” you say, settling somewhere between cautious and unwelcoming.

“Well, I’m sort of a really big fan of the Avengers.”

You hate how adorable she looks with those stupidly soft eyes and fidgeting hands. She might mean well but the Avengers are a sore spot for you and certainly not one you’re going to talk about with someone you don’t know. (Especially when she’s technically supposed to be your main competition)

“Save your breath, Bishop,” you reply with an almost inaudible sigh. “I don’t want to hear it.”

You attempt to walk away from her but she’s far too quick. Her hand reaches out to grasp your forearm and you do your best not to look affected by how strong her grip is. “Hold on, what are you talking about? I thought you were part of the team too.”

“That’s none of your business. Don’t you have something better to do? Maybe yet another girl you’ll ditch by the end of the week?”

Your comment is a low blow and one that heavily relies on gossip forums dedicated to the brunette. Gossip forums that you merely visited due to curiosity and not because you saw one of Kate’s Instagram posts and immediately ran to check if she likes girls too. (Somehow the jury is still out according to most news outlets but her list of rumors is almost as long as your own)

She’s genuinely speechless after that and you don’t dare give her time to recover. You’re being an asshole, you’re aware of it, but there’s something about the way she looks at you that terrifies you. Something that tells you she already knows the secrets that lie unspoken in the depths of your mind.

And you hate it.

So you run.

You force your arm out of her grasp and walk away from her.

She doesn’t put up a fight this time, she merely watches you go with the distinct feeling deep in her gut that she messed up her one chance with you.

#kate bishop x stark!reader #kate bishop x female reader #kate bishop fanfiction #kate bishop fic #mini fic #kate bishop #hawkeye #hawkeye fanfic #hailee steinfeld #marvel fanfiction #marvel fic #marvel #mcu #tony stark #pepper potts

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kyojurismo · 1 year ago

Text

★ PROLOGUE

# sub!kyojuro rengoku x fem!reader

summary : your behaviour is starting to change towards him, but kyojuro fears this is only his imagination and that you’re simply lonely and finding a way to enjoy yourself. is there a possibility that you’re actually attracted to him?

chapter tags : sfw, mitsuri makes an appearance, mention of rengoku family, i can’t think of anything else so lemme know if i missed something, 1.6k words — i’ll try to write more for future chapters, pray for me lol.

series masterpost

a/n : hello! i’m both excited and scared to post this lol, writing series and longer fics in general it’s not my forte, so please please please be kind and keep in mind that english is not my first language. i know there’s nothing spicy or truly entertaining — i was lowkey testing the water lmao — but i hope you guys enjoy it anyway <3 ps. lemme know if you wanna be added to my say yes to heaven taglist to be sure to not miss something.

a young, rich woman without a husband? of course people would speculate about it. that’s what your mother used to repeat. because rich women were always seen under a different light.

but, you didn’t care. you never searched for a husband, you knew your worth and that you didn’t need a man to take care of you.

the only man you were able to tolerate was your precious servant, kyojuro rengoku. kyojuro had been working for you for almost three months now, he was a loyal, caring and educated young man. he was working hard to help his family, and nothing seemed to distract him from work.

at least for now.

─────────────────────

the fact that you could work from home was a real blessing. you weren’t a lazy person, you just enjoyed being around him most of the time.

kyojuro was a simple guy. he was always smiling and his voice sounded so comforting and soothing whenever he spoke, whatever the topic. he would be able to smile back at a bully and kindly ask him to not vent their anger on others. that was truly amazing.

his personality was able to overshadow his appearance. no doubts he was an attractive young man, but the moment he started interacting with you – oh, you completely forget about his pretty face. you could ask anyone, they would all reply with the same thing.

you were sitting at the table in your dining room, patiently waiting for your usual breakfast. your eyes were scanning the first pages of the newspaper, devouring the fresh news for the day, when the doors opened. he walked in and served you quietly, before bowing and taking a couple of steps back so he could stay close enough to you if you needed anything, but not that much close to disturb your peaceful breakfast.

“did you sleep well last night, kyojuro?” you suddenly asked him, keeping your gaze focused on the page as you took the first bite of your food. “yes, ma’am,” here came his voice. “i’m glad. as you know, we had to move your room closer to mine for a couple of electrical issues,” from kyojuro’s perspective your tone showed a bit of annoyance, but in reality a part of you was glad that side of your house had been left without light until someone could come to fix the cables. “i understand, but you don’t have to worry about me, ma’am,” he smiled even though he was standing behind you. “i’m happy with everything you decide.”

oh, really?

“now that i think about it, i have a bunch of commissions in town. i’d like for you to accompany me, if that’s alright,” you let a small smirk curve your lips when he hesitated; it was the first time you asked him something like that, after all. could it be a challenge?

“m-ma’am, i’d gladly accompany you but—” you interrupted him, knowing that he was gonna explain he had to stay here since it was his role in the first place. “kyojuro, i’m not really asking for you approval,” your tone sent a shiver down his spine and he cleared his throat. “i will gladly come with you.”

“good boy,” you turned your head to glance at kyojuro and show him a smile, before turning to finish eating your breakfast. that caused you to miss the faint blush appearing on his cheeks at your praise. it was the most casual thing to say, but somehow kyojuro found very pleasurable to hear you say it.

one thing for sure, you weren’t that dumb. you noticed that after such period of service, kyojuro craved your praises whenever he did something for you. it made him feel good and sent a pleasant feeling through his whole body. all this from just the thought of making you feel satisfied with his work.

would you be able to get something more from him at this point?

─────────────────────

you were staring out the window quietly, watching with little interest the people and the buildings passing by. “i’ve never been in this part of the city,” you heard kyojuro’s comment and turned to look at him, catching him staring out with a sweet smile on his face. “i realise you rarely leave the house…” your voice is low but it still reached his ears.

“ma’am, there’s no need for you to feel bad. that’s just my job,” he tilted his head to the side and smiled at you, a warm feeling spreading through your chest. he looked so… adorable.

“i’ll let you come with me more often,” you assured with a smile then grabbed a little notebook with a pen, handing them to him. “you can write down the places you want to visit next time.”

kyojuro was surprised but nodded eagerly, genuinely appreciating it. he indeed wrote down a bunch of places, but the dream of coming here again felt distant to him nonetheless.

when the car stopped, you jumped off followed by him and started walking towards your usual clothes shop. kyojuro glanced around curiously while you looked around for a new elegant dress. “what do you think?” he turned his head to look at you, noticing you were holding a sleeveless dark blue dress into your hands. “u-um, it looks good.”

were you really asking him for advice?

“i’ll try it on then,” you smirked at him and walked towards the dressing rooms section. kyojuro followed you swiftly, in case you would need something.

“i need help with closing the back!” you called from behind the curtain. you waited patiently for him, since he seemed to be quite hesitant to enter inside. it was the first time you asked for something like this. “kyo– oh, i thought you left without me,” you chuckled and watched him from the reflection.

his hands were warm against your skin, as he helped you close the dress. his cheeks were slowly turning red as he timidly glanced at your reflection, your cleavage more visible than usual now. “it looks beautiful,” his smile showed he was a bit embarrassed, but sincere. you turned to face him and smiled, watching him scan your figure. “yeah… really beautiful.”

you laughed before patting his arm playfully. “relax! you’re so tensed,” you exclaimed while turning around. you glanced at yourself into the mirror, it was indeed a beautiful dress. “i’m gonna buy this one then,” you announced, satisfied.

you then started taking the dress off before catching his eyes into the mirror. “are you waiting for a show?” you smirked at him and kyojuro’s eyes widened while his whole face turned red, quickly followed by his ears. “i-i’m sorry!” he was quick to exit and you couldn’t help but chuckle.

you found yourself enjoy teasing him. his reactions were cute. in fact, you kept doing it for the whole day. the mischievous touches whenever you were sitting next to each others, the compliments clearly going further that of a friendly relationship between a servant and his madam. kyojuro was left speechless most of the time, with red cheeks and his heart close to jump out of his chest.

but was it real or was it all in his head though?

─────────────────────

“no way!” mitsuri jumped in her seat, looking at her friend. “oh, kyojuro!” she grabbed his hands, making him gasp. “what are you gonna do about it?” he frowned at her words. “nothing?”

it was his day off work and kyojuro always tried to meet up with mitsuri, one of his childhood best friends.

mitsuri glared at him, almost offended. “what do you mean by that?!” she hit his chest, exasperated with him. “she’s clearly enjoying your company and there might be something more going on between you and her. take this opportunity!”

“i would never take advantage of her like that,” kyojuro’s tone was serious. “i work for her, she probably just feels lonely and that’s her way to have some fun. i can’t blame her at all. plus…” his voice trailed off. “plus??” mitsuri waited expectantly for him to continue. “i like getting her attention, so i don’t really want to ruin anything,” he confessed it in a very low tone, mitsuri had to lean closer to hear him clearly.

“ooh, i knew it!” she clapped her hands happily and smiled sweetly at him. “alright, do as you please… but lemme know if something changes!” she made him promise, showing him her pinkie. “don’t worry, nothing will happen between me and her,” he said while raising his own pinkie, locking them together. “a girl can dream!”

kyojuro found himself smile then while listening to her rambling about some sweet guy working with her, as they kept sitting at the restaurant table enjoying their lunch together. she was a very lively person and was usually seen smiling most of the time. he enjoyed her company and was happy to be her friend.

after that, kyojuro would usually visit his family and give them his monthly payment, making sure they could easily afford any kind of costs. he was mostly working to help them, after all.

you never took advantage of his need to work, you actually admired him. not many would do the same and kyojuro was really a son to be proud of. you hoped his father was aware of such thing. you were for sure and, deep down, a part of kyojuro wanted you to be proud of him…

taglist : @vampcubus @naomi-nana @stuckinthewrongworld @doumadono @unear7hly @frickinsleepdeprived @roseofthevolturi @mioblobby @thedevilishlyangelic @ilysm-akari

#⭐️ — say yes to heaven ( series )#📂 — writing !!#sub!kyojuro rengoku x reader #kyojuro rengoku x reader #kyojuro rengoku fanfic #kny kyojuro #kimetsu no yaiba #kimetsu no yaiba fanfic #demon slayer #demon slayer fanfic

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fangirl-in-general · 2 months ago

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Hey there!! If you're new here, then welcome, I've started the process of writing a Garroth x Reader fic (later featuring Gene x Reader but Garroth is end game) I'm about to start on a master list so I don't have to keep reintroducing the series lol but here is the previous chapter. If you've already read the Prologue and pt1 then welcome back, if not then you should definitly check those out first!!

warnings for this chapter: Fem!Reader, slow burn

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An mcd!Garroth x reader series

Legendary Pt2

"I don't know Garroth, she's just been...renovating"

Garroth's head tilts at your words and you begin to chuckle before continuing. "She's actually pretty sweet. I've enjoyed her compony the past couple days. But yea she's literally just been...fixing stuff, largely unprompted too. She fixed the well, Dale hasn't drunkenly tumbled into it since. There's really nothing weird or suspicious to report. well...except her talking to herself sometimes...but it doesn't really interfere with anything, so I've just decided to ignore it." You give him an awkward smile and shrug, his silence all you need to know that he's looking at you like you grew five feet and sprinted into another dimension.

A smirk crept onto your face. "Should I fill out the report myself while you take time to process our new resident's activities?" Your words seemed to snap him out of it as he stuttered and began writing.

He pauses, glancing up. "What was it you said earlier about the house..." You almost cackle at the thought, this girl had quite the imagination...but at least she had the know-how to back that up and actually get things done, you needed that around here.

"The babe house, is what she called it."

"I see. You said she...brought someone over from the water village to live there?" You nod, and he continues writing. "So, we have a new villager to welcome I suppose."

"Donna! She's real sweet too, a bit of a firecracker, interesting accent though, I haven't heard one like it for...as long as I can remember" Garroth rolls his eyes at the VERY overused joke about your lack of memories from your past, but the slight chuckle is always enough for you to want to make the joke again.

You sit there twiddling your thumbs while he finishes his report, it's not that you need to stay but you know...just in case you think of something else that happens before he's done...and so you can sit with him for a while longer but that's just what friends do. His presence has always been so comforting, familiar when nothing else was, and he always says that it's relaxing to know you're with him, a guard always needs his back covered you suppose, and it's hard to keep watch while you're writing.

He glances up at you, a smile creeps onto your lips, and you turn to look out the widow as you wait. You've been best friends for so long it doesn't surprise you how naturally you welcome each other into your spaces, not to an indecent degree but it is rather...unusual you suppose. Come to think of it, there was never a time you weren't like that, you had been staying with Garroth when you first arrived you even tried to help as a guard before realizing how stir crazy you were with no memories of the world around you...but no matter how far you went, the memories you made, the people you met, your head and heart...your home... had always remained right here, in the hands of a man you'd never truly seen.

"That's done. Thank you for staying" He stands, tucking the book into a drawer before crossing the room to look at you. "It's always easier knowing you're here"

You smile again, he always had a way of making you smile even if you didn't want to. "Of course. There's not much else for me to do while I'm here." You look out the window and spy Aphmau having what seems to be a very interesting conversation with Zenix that mainly appears to be him talking at her while she listens confused.

Garroth chuckles at your remark, following your gaze. "She seems...good. I hope she makes a difference; we need it."

"She will"

Both of you are taken aback by the statement, you weren't quite sure why you said it, it was instinct. Garroth continues. "Well...I know better than to doubt your word." He turns back, you're unable to meet his gaze but under it you can feel your cheeks warming to a shade you pray he can't see through the slit in his helm.

The silence returns, comfortable as always and equally palpable. "Garroth..." A soft, low hum is heard in response. "I've been thinking. With the lord being...gone, and now there's new people coming into town...what if I stay? I can help as a guard, or even just mild security. You know I can fight, and we're going to need more patrols before long. What do you think?"

You hadn't realized that he was staring at you. The once comfortable air around you is gone and you're left overthinking the suggestion. You open your mouth to speak, and he finally responds. "You...you want to stay?" You nod and let out a slight laugh "But you hate being stuck here."

You chuckle again and shove him slightly. "Whatever, can a person not want to see the world? Plus, I could still travel when we need it, just not all the time anymore. Whatever past I have...I'm not gonna find it by aimlessly wandering. Right now, I need to be here, I can feel it." You cast your eyes to your boots in an attempt to alleviate your nerves. "And for the record, I've never been stuck here. It's always been home."

It couldn't have been more than a few seconds before you felt yourself being pulled in Garroth's staunch embrace. The shock was so consuming that you forgot to put your arms around him till he began to pull away, his grip tightened when you did. There are many words you'd use to describe your friend Garroth: strong, kind, loyal, helpful...physically affectionate didn't quite make the list, though you suppose that's two words, either way this was...unexpected.

A shiver tickled your spine as his embrace dropped slightly, his hands tracing ever so gently down your arms, as though releasing the touch completely might bring him some kind of pain...then he pulled away. It was so harsh and sudden he almost flew to the other side of the room. He looked out the window before speaking. "Yes. of course, you're always welcome. Whatever you'd like."

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"It's just so beautiful here, I love it! And I'm so glad I was able to find Donna and bring her. I hope I can help around here; I'd really love to watch this village grow." Aphmau had been giddily ranting about all of her days activities since you ran into her after leaving the guard quarters. It was nice though, to have someone so excited about something other than the latest crop Brendan planted or the massive number of sticks Zenix managed to break around the outskirts of town.

If you were to be honest however...you hadn't truly been listening. Her words, even the food in front of you began to drift from your attention. Your thoughts had been consumed by prior events. Garroth has been affectionate before: a hand on your arm, briefly holding your hand in his own, cupping your cheek to get a point across, even an embrace on a rare occasion, you were friends, that made sense...but...he had never...well, Garroth always took his gloves off when he wrote...he just happened to leave them off this time and...to put it bluntly, you'd never felt his skin before, his real touch...it was...

Irene...you're going insane...

"-and then I came across what Zenix called 'The Old Lord's house', and I found this journal-"

"Wait you what??" you snapped back to reality quicker than you would've liked but something about the words 'Zenix' 'Lord' and 'journal' all being strung together made you heart sink down to your gut. It felt urgent.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The ruins weren't exactly where you'd expected to spend your evening but after talking for hours, Aph finally decided it was a good time to mention that she'd been knocked out and the journal was stolen so you decided it was worth checking out, after all you weren't technically a guard yet but wasn't it like...your civic duty? Plus, it got your mind off of Garroth.

Garroth...

You wondered if he left his gloves off on purpose...no that's silly. It's not even like anything happened. He just held you, and caressed your arms, and stared at you, and gave you butterflies as you kept remembering all the reasons he would never kiss you, your list coming to 'I haven't even seen his face' and 'he would have by now...right?'

Irene! Get this man out of your head for five minutes please!!

The ruins were bare as far as you could tell. You found the desk Aphmau had mentioned but other than that there was nothing, not even footprints. Just the ominous feeling of being watched.

A twig snaps in the tree line, you draw your sword. You make your way closer to the source of the noise, you haven't ever had formal guard training, you were just skilled with a sword and practiced with Zenix and Garroth from time to time, but your instincts were good for someone with no known combat experience.

You notice a woman with white hair hiding behind a tree about five yards away. You move to approach her, when you hear a noise behind you-

*WACK*

You were out cold.

Above you stood a figure you wouldn't have recognized even if you'd been conscious. The woman emerges from the darkness, her soft voice breaking the silence.

"That felt bit unnecessary." A glare from the figure was the only response given. "I'm just saying...there's no way she'd find anything, plus she's Zenix's 'sister', the one he talks about all the time. Even if she is the point of interest, she won't do anything soon, she doesn't even remember who she is." She begins to walk away.

The shadow turns after hearing the woman's statement, then looks back down at your unconscious form, bending down to grab your face and examine it closer. "Fascinating little thing..."

A quiet groan escapes the mysterious woman, she turns back. "Look, she's not the highest source of power here, if we want to know who or what he's after we have to keep looking...are you even listening?"

The figure stands still focused on you. "Watch it, don't try to give me orders, Sasha. Let's go. I'm going to keep an eye on her myself"

She rolls her eyes as the pair begins walking away. "Ok. Whatever Gene."

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The end!! of this chapter anyway. Thank you for reading!! I hope you enjoyed cause we're just starting to get into the fun stuff I have planned!!! Bye!

#garroth ro'meave #aphmau garroth #aphmau #aphmau mcd #minecraft diaries #minecraft #mcd gene #garroth x reader #mcd garroth #x reader #gene x reader #aphmau gene

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zanarkandfayth · 3 months ago

Note

Would love to read your answers to questions 3, 9, 13, 17, 18, 26, 29, 31, 32, 50, and, if there's another number (or several) you really wanna answer, please add those too ✨

thank you for the ask!! <33 I wrote you novels in return gjdskglj

3. In your opinion, what’s your best fic?

oooh this one is so hard because I love most of my fics for different reasons, even my older ones (at least the ones on ao3. we ignore the ones left behind on ffnet lmao). hhhh, of completed ones that are posted, imma have to say monsters honestly, because damn did I put some heart into that. but the one I'd probably consider absolute best is the still ongoing, not yet posted 600K+ beast of a fic I usually refer to as "nanofic" that I've been working on since 2019. it won't be everyone's cup of tea, but it just gets so deep into noct's trauma that I inflict on him and his slow recovery from it, more than I've done for any other fic, and I've poured so much blood sweat and tears into that thing, it's kinda everything to me.

9. Have you ever written for a fandom without watching/reading/playing the source material?

written, no. been tempted to in the past, but it was too much effort and I already had too many fics for my main fandoms. I have read fandom blind for both harry potter and supernatural in the past though, like lates 2000s into mid 2010s. both were kinda on accident. supernatural in particular is because it kept getting crossed over with MULTIPLE of my fandoms. psych, house md, and criminal minds. so I started reading non-crossover supernatural fics in self-defense gsdklgjdks

13. What’s the biggest change between your style when you started in fandom and today?

I mean… this is the first paragraph of one of my fics from my first fandom when I was fifteen. you tell me 😂

"Relena smiled as she sipped her tea and mentally reviewed the day's schedule. 8:00 am- peace talk to the world. 10:00 am- conference with Romefeller. 1:00 pm- try to convince Dorothy to become a pacifist because she was to stupid to understand that Dorothy loved war. Rest of the day- annoy the HELL out of Heero Yuy. Smiling happily again (PLEASE! Her smile is SO annoying), she stood up and was just about to take a step when …. suddenly a freak falling cow killed her!!! =^.^= The gundam boys all burst out of closets around the room and rejoiced."

the biggest change is probably that I actually write well now lmao. and don't character bash. and don't throw author's notes and emoticons in the middle of fics, and have learned to format better, and, and…

17. In your opinion, what’s your most overrated fic?

oh god. let me hide before I answer this. hands down, it's shadows growing. like let me be clear, it's not bad by any means. I'm still fond of it. but I did not have a clear plan when I started writing it, and I really feel like that shows. it was not meant to be a fix-it fic. it was not meant to be a longer fic. it was not meant to be much of anything, tbh. I saw the prompt on the kink meme and the prologue literally started writing itself in my head and I was like "nah idk what I'd do with that" and I scrolled past, but I couldn't focus on reading other prompts and so I went back and just started typing the fic in a reply to the prompt. honestly I figured I'd write whatever I could and then when I left it unfinished, no one would know because I was anon and I had like one fic posted on ao3 for ffxv at the time and I was used to being a complete fandom nobody. the fact that shadows growing got me even somewhat noticed was unexpected and I was not prepared gdjskgjdskl

it definitely affected the fic because once the readers started picking up it made me feel suuuuper stressed and I was so afraid to stray too far from canon because I thought people would hate that??? for some reason??? no there's logic there. I was just overwhelmed. and I do get why people love it, because the whump and the friendship between the boys is really good. but I cannot help but look at it and remember how out of my depth I felt at the time and wish that I had been brave enough to diverge more from canon and smart enough to come up with a better ending. I still suspect there were quite a few people who felt let down by the ending and that's fair honestly. anyways, yeah, it's a good fic and I'm fond of it and most of the attention and the recs it got were in the first couple years of the game being out and I don't begrudge it being my most popular fic, I just. have better ones now I feel like gjsdgjskgsj but maybe not ones as many people would want to read. which is fine with me tbh.

18. What’s your most underrated fic?

the gladio oneshot in my "fayth's daddy issues week" series! (I wrote all those fics so back to back that I can't remember the titles for any of them whoops.) I adore that fic and it got so little attention compared to most of the other fics in that week, or my fics overall tbh. the only one that got even less was the one about iris 🤣 but I don't care much for the iris one either, even though I think it has some stellar banter between the boys and cute/funny prompto/gladio moments. I really love the gladio one though, because it was fun to revisit gladio's pov in a fic and I got to develop a bit of backstory for him that's been evolving into headcanon and there's a good chunk of ignis and gladio friendship that was the precursor to all their friendship in monsters, plus I got to make gladio cry, so. I love it <3

26. What aspect of your writing do you most enjoy to see praised?

characterisation, for sure. it's the one thing I agonise over and actually worry about what readers might think at times, especially as I get further away from having played the game to keep it fresh in my mind. so anyone commenting that it feels right makes me roll around on my bed in glee. the other aspect I equally enjoy is people commenting on the emotions. like, that the ones I wrote the characters having feel real/deep, that it made the reader feel them too, etc. stuff like that. cos the emotions are literally why I write fic lol.

29. Does the division of your writing across fandoms line up with your reading? What’s the biggest discrepancy?

I am dumb and am struggling to understand what this question is asking, tbh. is it like, do I write for as many fandoms as I read, or something? because fuck no in that case, haha. the only fandoms I've done major writing for (more than one or two fics) are gundam wing, digimon adventure, final fantasy x, and final fantasy xv. and I've read for something like 100 fandoms, idk. at one point I had a list but I stopped keeping track eventually.

31. Who’s the one character you’ve just never managed to get perfectly right?

well… I didn't really understand the concept of characterisation for fanfic until a little before I started writing for ffx. so uh, it's kinda non-existent in my gdw and digimon fics. but once I actively started trying for it… honestly maybe just yuna from final fantsy x. I had some things featuring her meant to be longer fics that were set during the game (most of my posted stuff is set pre-canon, with no yuna in sight) but I never finished and/or posted them because I always felt shaky on yuna's characterisation. I don't think I've majorly struggled with anyone in ffxv to the point that I've felt too dissatisfied with characterisation to post. but at the same time I'm sure none of them are actually perfectly right xD but they FEEL more or less right to me, which is all I care about.

32. Who’s the one character who shines without you even trying?

noct. I mean. he's my blorbo for a reason xD my beloved, I relate to him so much and the rest of it I just project lololol. I make a point to not actually just write myself as noct, cos I personally ain't about that, but it feels very easy to write him without needing to think too deeply about his thoughts/feelings/reactions most of the time. they feel instinctual to me, even when it's something that would differ from my own thoughts/feelings/reactions if I was in a similar situation.

50. Has writing fanfic had a significant impact on your life? Would you say it’s entirely positive?

YES and the answer to this question is one of the reasons antis/purity culture upsets me so fucking much. it's a personal/sensitive answer though so skip if you don't want to read that xD but. reading rape/sexual abuse & aftermath fics as a teenager is what helped me to understand that, even though there was no outright rape happening, I was still being abused. seeing my favourite characters have the courage to tell someone about their abuse and get help is what encouraged me to tell one of my friends during an AIM conversation late one night when I was sixteen, and she convinced me to tell my therapist at my next appointment, who then told my mom, and yeah let's just say that was a very significant and eventually positive impact (it was a rocky road) on my life. if none of that had happened I genuinely think the CSA would have continued escalating into eventual rape. so thank FUCK for fanfic and I seethe with rage every time some shitfuck anti tries to claim there's no good to be found in such fics. plus in general it just helps with my mental health and I've made plenty of friends through fic over the years, even if they come and go I'm still grateful to have known them for that time, and writing fic is the one thing that gives life any meaning for me, etc. so yeah I'd say at least 99% positive.

and now, I will add a few to answer, because you said I could lmao

7. What’s the fic you most want to continue (unfinished or no)?

it is a toss-up between horizon road, an ffx fic featuring a toxic, fucked up relationship between tidus and auron that I still really love, or endless skies, a really self-indulgent digimon fic. they're both old at this point, horizon road I started in 2005, and endless skies was in 2016. horizon road suffers from me having no solid ideas for it beyond the three chapters I wrote, and endless skies is painfully fully outlined, but it was such a hard, research-intensive fic to write for a number of reasons, and now looking at it also just reminds me of an ex-friend who I feel very negative towards (because I talked to them a lot while plotting/writing and they even wrote some of the smut scenes for me, though I've since removed those) and even if I wasn't still deeply entrenched in ffxv, I don't think I could bring myself to ever work on it again :/ which sucks because I did adore it very much.

35. Have you ever written a ship into a fic without meaning to?

…okay, I think anyone who has read shadows growing and then has also read or even looked at my ignoct fics knows that the ignoct is very much present in shadows growing gjdskgjsk as much as I will swear up and down it's platonic, and people certainly can take it that way if they want, like. come on. it's there. at a point, it very much was intentional. BUT. it did start out accidental. the og prompt asked for either gen or OT4 and I don't ship OT4 so I was gonna do gen but noct and ignis kept blurring the lines when I started writing scenes with them gdsjkgdjkl aaaaand actually I didn't start monsters with the intention of it being ignoct either. (the ignoct bits in the first chapter I actually added in a rewrite of that chapter lmao.) nor the tiny little epilogue in heavy is the burden that nudges into hinting at ignoct territory. fuck, even the ignoct in my very first ffxv wasn't meant to be so overt as it was gjdsklgjks there's also tiny hints of it in some of my fayth's daddy issues week fics (not counting the one that's deliberately and stated to be ignoct).

…actually now that I'm writing this I'm realising very little of my ignoct has been deliberately planned at the start 😂 the sequel to shadows growing, grey skies, was planned, at least xD the promptio that shows up towards the end of the fic was an accident though gjsdkgljslk it just. happened??? I didn't even LIKE promptio when I started writing that fic. huh. maybe accidental shipping is just my thing in writing ffxv fics.

40. Do you feel like you put out enough content?

wanted to answer this one, because, I'm NOT talking in terms of other people here. I don't mean to sound dismissive or ungrateful, because I do appreciate the people who read my fics, it makes me happy, but like. it's not why I write OR post. I'm not "producing content" for people; if someone is unhappy with me for not posting more fics, that's their problem. but in terms of myself… yeah, I do wish I had more to post. not because I feel like I've got some kind of arbitrary quota to meet. like, quite frankly, I have over a million words of fic posted on ao3, and given that I have a single unposted fic that's over 600K alone, I'm positive I have at least 2mil total words written. it's just that I wish I could write more consistently/frequently? I feel like I never write as much as I want to, and I know a lot of it is because of my worsening health, so maybe that's why I just feel so frustrated and dissatisfied with my output, but man, sometimes I look at my number of posted works on ao3 and feel like it's such a low number for how long I've been writing ): both for ffxv specifically and for all my fics total. I know it's silly, but the feeling persists nonetheless.

thank you again for the ask!! I feel happy getting to answer questions and ramble about my fics :D and it was really fun to think about my answers and realise a thing or two haha.

#I assume most people use the auto-hide/click to expand long posts setting on tumblr now #but if you don't then rip your dash I guess #cos I don't wanna stick any of it behind a cut #I didn't mean for it to get so long though #I just cannot help but be wordy gjkdsgs #ask game #my fic

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itwasrealtome · 7 months ago

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BEST BELOVED

PROLOGUE — TASTE OF BETRAYAL

⚠️ DO NOT READ IF THIS MIGHT TRIGGER YOU

Scarlett Johansson x fem!OC fic | Masterlist

Summary : A young Elle returns from a forbidden walk to face her aunt's punishment after her brother Carter betrays her.

Content Warning : Homophobia | Violence | Belt Punishments | Betrayal |

Navigation :

Chapter one

Don’t miss any more chapters or info by being tagged

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PORTLAND — OREGON

March 12, 2006

Age of sixteen.

A time when innocence teeters on the brink of experience, when the world holds promise yet conceals treachery beneath its surface. In this fragile balance, Elle navigated the complexities of adolescence, unaware of the threats awaiting her, poised to disrupt her delicate existence.

As she walked back home, the memory of her first kiss lingered like a sweet torment, each step echoing her heartbeat that had quickened in that shared moment. The night air whispered secrets around her, carrying the scent of blooming jasmine that mingled with the fragrance of her own racing thoughts.

Her mind replayed the soft brush of lips against hers, the electric thrill of connection that had sparked between her and Elena Price. It was a moment suspended in time, filled with the sweetness of stolen glances and the promise of what could be.

Lost in reverie, Elle traced the path through the dimly lit streets, her senses attuned to every sound and sensation. The rhythmic beat of her heart matched the cadence of her footsteps, each pulse a testament to the whirlwind of emotions swirling within her.

With each passing moment, the weight of their shared kiss settled deeper into her bones, leaving her breathless and yearning for more. She knew nothing would ever be the same again, that the lines between friendship and something more had blurred irreversibly.

As she approached the side of her home, Elle paused, reluctant to let go of the magic that had enveloped her in its embrace just yet. But reality beckoned, pulling her back from the brink of fantasy and into the harsh light of day.

With a heavy sight, the brunette squared her shoulders and stepped forward, climbing the brick wall leading to her bedroom window and right into the familiar comfort of home. Yet, even as she closed the window behind her, the memory of their kiss lingered a tantalizing promise of what lay ahead. The warmth of that connection set her teeth on edge against the chill running through her bones at the sight of her aunt standing there, her expression a mixture of anger and disapproval.

Turning around slowly, Elle's heart sank as she met her aunt's stern gaze. Guilt washed over her as she searched for the right words to explain herself.

—Where have you been? her aunt demanded sharply.

Elle swallowed hard, her throat suddenly dry as she tried to think of a plausible excuse.

—I... I was just out with a friend.

But her aunt wasn't fooled.

—Don't lie to me, Elle, she admonished. I know you were with that girl again. How many times do I have to tell you that it's not right?

Elle's heart sank lower with each word, the weight of her aunt's disapproval crushing her spirit. She knew she couldn't hide the truth any longer.

—That's not what you think... I mean... I...

The brunette's attempt to explain herself was cut short by her aunt's stern interruption.

—Stop lying, Elle! her aunt's voice was firm, leaving no room for argument. Carter already told me everything.

The words hit Elle like a blow to the gut, knocking the breath out of her lungs. She felt a rush of betrayal wash over her, mingling with the sting of her aunt's accusation. How could Carter have betrayed her like this?

Her mind raced with questions, but she knew there would be no answers forthcoming. Carter remained silent, his eyes fixed on the floor, unable to meet his big sister's gaze. The bond of trust between them had been shattered in an instant, leaving the teen girl feeling adrift and alone.

As her aunt's stern gaze turned towards Carter, Elle's heart sank once again.

—Go downstairs with your uncle, she ordered, her voice cold and unforgiving.

Carter hesitated for a moment, casting a pleading glance at Elle before reluctantly obeying. As he disappeared from view, the woman turned her attention back to her niece, her expression darkening with anger. Elle's stomach churned with apprehension as her aunt reached for the leather belt at her side. The familiar sight sent a shiver down her spine, and she knew she was in for it.

Without a word, her aunt stepped forward, the belt dangling ominously from her hand. Elle braced herself for a punishment she knew was inevitable, the weight of her actions settling heavily upon her young shoulders.

The sting of betrayal from her own brother, the disappointment in herself for sneaking out, and the fear of the impending punishment all mingled together in a tumultuous whirlwind of emotions.

With a deep breath, Elle closed her eyes and prepared herself for what was to come. As the first strike of the belt landed, she gritted her teeth against the pain, feeling the sharp sting sear through the flesh of her back. With each subsequent blow, she endured the punishment silently, a silent testament to the harsh realities of being sixteen.

In that moment, Elle realized the risks and consequences of her actions, the fragile line between innocence and experience becoming all too clear. As she stood there, bearing the brunt of her aunt's discipline, she knew that this was just the beginning of the challenges she would face on the journey to adulthood.

•••

Taglist:

@taylucky13 @aqiia24 @natalia-quinzel @youdontknowwhotfiamm @mmmmokdok @electricboost @angeliqueh5331 @emskisworld @sammi1642 @waltermis @imjai02 @enjoytheentireworld @marvelandotheruniversesloveradhd @jatrovyknedl @madamevirgo @canvasscoloredin @red1culous @xxxtwilightaxelxxx xx @butwhynothavesomwmore @lyak12 @hi-i-1 @anku1901 @ssaaggwwaa @g1u2y @micaluvssoccer @rain-mikaelson @starbucks-06 @iheartmilfies @unexpected-character

#scarlett johansson x reader #scarlett johansson masterlist #mcu fic #prologue #bestbeloved #ellewiley

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sayafics · 1 year ago

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Temptation - Prologue

I honestly had no motivation to write another chapter for Dance of Shadows, so I thought I'd do a different fic to get me in the right mood.

Hope you guys like this one!

Criston cole x reader

Chapter I

Masterlist

Vaella Targaryen had her mother's gentle nature and her grandsire's shrewd mind.

If the people of the court were to ask, others would whisper that she did not take an ounce of her father's countenance.

She was brave and kind, and cruel and spoilt - she was fire, through and through. With a heart of unrelenting passion and a soul burning with the ferocity of a dragon, she caught the eyes of many lords throughout the Seven Kingdoms.

Most, if not all, were deemed to pale in contrast - too unworthy to share the same breath as her, if Aemond had a say.

Aemond was her twin, her true other half - in a manner her sister and brothers could never be. Still, she looked upon them with the same loving eyes she did Aemond.

Viserys did not spare her a glance, just as he had not feigned interest in all his heirs aside from his eldest daughter - Rhaenyra.

There was an ever-present ache in the depths of Vaella's heart as she recalls the way her father would dote upon her or Helaena whilst living in the lies the milk of the poppy fed him, and became dismissive when its effects had worn off.

Her mother would become Aemma, her brothers Daemon, and she or Helaena were a reflection of a sister who held no love towards them. No respect. Simply because the blood of Hightower ran alongside the blood of a Targaryen through them, and not the blood of Arryn that ran through Rhaenyra.

There were moments where Vaella adored being a princess, to be doted on by her handmaidens and protected by her knights. But it all melded into a sense of mindless ministrations when she realised their attention was out of duty, not love.

Vaella craved the idea of being wanted - needed.

There was no doubt of the love her siblings held for her - their brash protectiveness and coveted kindness spoke for itself.

But she longed for a whisper of love that was all-consuming and riveting, that had her heart skipping beats, her hands trembling in anticipation, her stomach twisting and turning and eyes welling with gratitude.

She wanted something more.

***

Ser Criston Cole was a man scorned by a woman he believed to love him. A woman he insulted his vows for, tainted his white cloak for.

Ser Cole no longer believed in love - that was what he had told himself. He remained a dutiful knight, the Queen's sworn protector as he marched at her side, ready to fight for her cause, regardless of the sacrifices.

He taught Aemond how to wield a sword. Showing the boy how to protect himself from all those who wished him harm, watching him become a man and a brutal warrior. Criston promised himself he would never see the boy bleed again, not as he had the night Aemond had lost his eye and he had failed in his duties.

He became fretful over Helaena when she was drowning in the vicious waves of her mind. So careful to make sure she did not stumble nor trip whilst muttering the words that echoed in her mind. Mindful of every creature and cretin that scuttered across the Keep and ensured they were returned to her unharmed.

He would fetch Aegon from the filthy brothels of Silk Street. He would wash the boy like he was his own and clothe him like he was a babe. He would put him into bed and stay with the boy until his frenzied mind hushed under the doting nature of wines and ales.

But with Vaella, Alicent's youngest daughter, he simply watched. His eyes fixed upon her from afar.

He watched as she grew into a woman - in a blink of an eye, the girl whose gleeful chitters bounced through the Keep had turned into a woman anew.

Criston felt his throat ache as his heart filled with guilt at the thoughts that plague his mind. He had never paid much attention to the girl. She flitted in and out of his life without a second glance. She was much too quiet for him to take notice, much too shy and reserved.

Vaella spent all her waking moments trailing a father who did not want her and seeking comfort in her grandsire. She would be at the Sept if her mother would not have her, with her brothers if her father denied her.

And as the days passed into years, her shy smiles turned into sensuous smirks, her quiet words into tantalising whispers, her hesitant calls into enticing touches.

But Criston did not believe in love.

That did not stop his obsessions from growing, did not stop the jealousy that raked at his heart, and clawed against his throat when he had to watch her dance in the arms of lords who lusted over her like she was nothing more than a brooding mare.

He simply watched from afar.

Bound by his duties, suffocated by his cloak - Ser Criston Cole could not do much but watch.

That is, until the princess and her dearest brother reached their nameday of eight and ten.

A most lustrous banquet held in their honour as the pair were weighed heavy in gowns and armours of black and green - Vaella's ears shone with the largest of emeralds and her throat adorned with the most lavish of jewels. Her hair was pulled back in an array of complicated braids before falling down her back, and atop her head sat a circlet of the most finest gems.

Strokes of pink dusted her cheeks, giving her a natural flush that made her seem meek and quiet. But her wandering eyes gave away her true intentions, eyes running across the mass of people- of men, hungrily.

Criston heated within the confines of his armour, feeling stifled and suffocated at the sight of her. Still, his heart raged at the rolling waves of lust that poured off the men who attended the banquet.

He had watched as she danced in the arms of several men. Men he believed did not deserve to breathe in her scent, let alone hold her in their embrace.

He clenched his teeth when his heart roared and beat in protest as she took to a final dance with her brothers - shame colouring his ears at the realisation he was jealous of everyone who could get close to her in ways he ached to.

His heart sunk when she threw her head back with a delighted laugh at a joke made by a Lannister. It clenched in agony as she blushed under the lustful gaze of a shameless Tully.

Then, for a moment, Criston's heart wedged itself in his throat, his breathing coming to a stuttered stop as her gaze met his.

Her eyes were the shade of wisterias, vivid and bright. But in the light of a thousand blazing torches, they were almost glowing amber. He was mesmerised by her beauty once more. His mouth became dry, and he floundered for a moment as she sent him a teasing smile. As though she knew something he did not.

Even when she turned away, not daring to move to sneak glances at his form, Criston found himself tense. He stood straighter, on alert for whatever it was that he was sure would happen.

However, he certainly didn't expect this.

Ser Criston Cole, it was announced by the Hand, the Queen's most loyal protector would be given to her youngest daughter - a gift, they had said.

Her Sworn Shield.

Her personal knight.

Her shadow and her friend, a listening ear and a guiding hand, a fearless weapon and a comforting presence.

A gift.

A glance into the girl's eyes, watching how they gleamed with mischief, he was sure it was simply a death sentence.

To test him so harshly, to have him follow around the girl who fascinated him so deeply. It was a devious challenge, indeed.

But it would be okay.

Because, Ser Criston Cole did not believe in love.

#criston cole #criston cole x reader #criston cole x oc #criston cole x you #criston cole smut #criston cole fluff #criston cole angst #possessive criston cole #obsessed criston cole #jacaerys velaryon x reader #jacaerys velaryon x you #hotd x oc #hotd x reader #hotd fandom #hotd fanfic #hotd #house of the dragon #temptation

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bromfieldhall · 1 month ago

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All's Fair in Love and War

Read from the start on AO3 or the rest of the chapters on here:

Chapter 1, 2,

When the wind catches the Hawkins balloon, Penelope is distracted and hesitates a moment too long before trying to run away. Colin is devastated that he wasn't able to save her from being injured and grows increasingly upset the longer she remains unconscious.

When she finally does wake up though, he finds his problems may have only just begun...

Rating: General to start

Pairing: Colin Bridgerton/Penelope Featherington, Polin

Multi-chapter fic

A/N: Everything is show canon up until the point in 'Forces of Nature' where the story starts and then it does its own thing from there.

I may dip into the show and use some dialogue here and there, but consider this a canon divergent story.

This isn't a fix-it fic by any means, more of a 'What if?'

Prologue

“There is nothing I love more than…” Penelope hesitated a moment, trying to think of something that would impress Lord Debling, “…grass.”

Unfortunately, he looked anything but impressed.

He was, however, extremely well-mannered and therefore enquired pleasantly, “What about grass do you so love, Miss Featherington?”

“Uh…” she began, then paused momentarily. Desperately, she tried to come up with a clever reply, now that he’d put her on the spot with Cressida and Eloise watching on. Unhappily, all she could manage was a woefully inadequate, “…how it’s so…green.”

“It is – quite green,” Debling agreed dryly.

Penelope tried to smile confidently at the other two ladies, but even to her own ears she knew that she sounded ridiculous.

Their conversation about nature continued, although Penelope found herself adding very little of consequence. She really needed to read more about his interests if she was going to keep his regard from straying to Cressida. They seemed to be getting along rather well, much to her consternation.

The wind began to pick up around them and she shivered slightly at the sudden chill. She hadn’t brought a shawl with her and regretted it wholeheartedly as another gust blew in across the lake.

Trying to ignore the cold, she turned her attention back to Lord Debling who had begun speaking about his forthcoming expedition. She was so determined to focus on what he was saying that it took her a moment to realise that Eloise and Cressida looked startled by something before suddenly running away.

Beside her, Debling turned, then quickly followed after the ladies leaving Penelope all alone.

Only just realising that there was a commotion going on behind her, she turned abruptly to see what was happening.

Colin Bridgerton.

That’s what was happening.

In just his waistcoat.

Hair, windswept.

Arms, exposed.

Trousers – tight in all the right places as he grimaced and leaned back, pulling hard on a rope.

A rope…

A rope that was attached to the balloon that was heading rapidly her way.

Dear God, how had she not noticed?

“Heave!” she heard Colin yell.

That’s why, she realised as she took a couple of faltering steps backwards. She stared at him a moment more, heart pounding as she noted his strong legs braced wide apart, taut backside and arms straining in effort. His handsome face was set in fierce determination as he shouted out the instruction again. It was a sight she would not soon forget, but a small, still functioning part of her brain reminded her that she needed to move.

Dragging her gaze from him, she turned to run but the balloon bore down on her quicker than she could flee. In her haste, she stumbled, almost falling to the ground. Somehow, she managed to stay on her feet but as she righted herself, she felt a sudden burst of pain explode in her head.

She staggered and fell to her knees. Vision blurring, she reached up and touched a hand to the back of her head then gasped when she caught sight of red on her fingers.

There was a loud rushing sound in her ears and she slumped forward onto the ground. Around her, she could vaguely hear voices ring out, calling her name.

“Miss Featherington.”

“Pen!”

Gentle hands turned her over. She was well, she wanted to assure Colin, but it wasn’t his face that swam hazily into view.

Eyes drifting shut, the last thing she saw was a concerned looking Lord Debling staring down at her as everything went black.

#afilaw fic #all's fair in love and war fic #polin #colin bridgerton #penelope featherington #colin x penelope #bridgerton season 3 fic #polin fanfiction #polin fic #multi chap fic #multi chapter #all's fair in love and war prologue #polin afilaw fic

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pentuppen · 6 months ago

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"In a thousand years, when I've all but forgotten how to love yet again, you'll flit back into my heart, and I'll weep wondering what happened to my mad love."

So I had a brain worm, and writers block so i fixed the one, and hope like hell that fixes the other.

This line from Astarion broke me, and while I never went through with a full evil Durge run, I did catch the end scene of the prologue. This particular scene had been rolling around in my head for months but i never wanted to do a full Durge fic.

Anyway today I thought fuck it and this miserable bit of angst finally got written up so now it can bugger off!

Was I ever here?

You have been walking for days, feet bared and blistered, your limbs shuddering and cracking with each corpse-like step you take. Every move is an agony you embrace, while your blood pounds like a sickened war drum in your ears, red churning with black, pulsing with violence behind eyes of rolling madness. You are no longer you, the dark whispers wear you like a ragged cloak now, his voice, ceaseless, commanding…hungry, they dig their gnawing teeth into the blighted meat of your brain, seductive and burning with bloody lust.

You are starved, desperate to satiate the squirming vile need that tightens your loins and churns bile in your throat as you look out at the feast before you. Unseen but seeing everything. You were not invited, already forgotten and left to crawl away into the depths of their memory like a bad dog. So many precious lives, cracked and riddled with the filth of uncertainty in the beginning, now they gleam like so many jewels scattered across the clearing that was your first temporary home.

You watch them live. Smiling, laughing, drinking and existing. Teeth softly clamp down on the ends of your fingers, trapping a whimpering whine that evolves into a low growl. Were you ever real? Or did you find a dream buried deep in the rot of your soul, a dream in which you were a person, and not a weapon?

You see him finally, that creature of pale, timeless beauty and sweet, murderous eyes. You watch him throw his head back and laugh, teeth bearing down on your own fingers until the flesh parts and you taste your own bitter copper. He promised he would weep, and yet he laughs, still beautiful, and happy. Not fair, not right. He has forgotten enough to laugh, and the sound rakes canyons in the scant, flickering light of your soul.

Your pain does not sate you, instead it hollows you all the more, until you are retching with the hunger to fill it, to pack the weight of their suffering against this new wound like a poultice. But you wait, their joy filling you like sour poison, hate pulsing and growing in you like a malevolent child as they continue their forgetting, drowning it wine and good tidings.

You watch him most of all, and it’s like holding your hand in the middle of a campfire, every second an agony. Why him, why not you? Why not both? He slayed his monsters, both inside and out, and they remembered him, yet you do not hear your name on their lips or in their hearts. Again you ask yourself. Were you ever here?

They eventually rest in easy stupor, even him. Does he dream of you? Or were the memories of you discarded with the other nightmares that chased him for so long? Did he vanquish you as he vanquished his Master? You could make him remember. You could paint your desire in shades of drying red. Your blade, his heart, they were made for each other. Just as you should have been.

The idea catches you like a fever as you worm your way through the grass, belly slick with dew as you crawl like a broken snake through the grass, silent and seething with purpose. You would make him remember, crawling to the mouth of his tent, your blade poised high. He promised he would weep, but his beautiful face is at peace, and now it was time to cut

. Your blade is quick, parting and peeling flesh, your hands gloved red, reaching and grasping into the gore filled cavity. He doesn’t even move as your fingers squirm through wet flesh, finding that frantic creature beating creature, palming it, squeezing it. Those black voices scream in delirious ecstacy, for what could sate that hunger better than the sensation of a fragile heart in murderous hands?

You’re lips open in a silent snarl as you grasp that heaving, pulsing betrayer, he would remember now….

He wakes to a nightmare. It kneels before his tent with its head bowed, a gruesome sentry that has him sitting up quickly. The blood is everywhere, seeping into the ground, the walls of his tent and the blankets beneath him. He knows that gore streaked shape, even as his mind tries to rebel, logic scruffs its neck and makes him see.

She kneels like some gruesome idol, her hands cupped in her lap, her chest a mass of blood and exposed, cracked bone. He captures the ugly sound of grief and disgust behind a pale hand, eyes fixed to the lump of meat held in stilled hands. She had once told him that her heart was his, but in the end he couldn’t bear to take it. Not with what she had become.

She’d never stood a chance, her fate paved even before the very idea of her was conceived. He’d tangled her in all those pretty strings of deceit, and she had still loved him in her own bloody way. But he hadn’t been able to do the same, hadn’t been able to follow where her path took her.

Hadn’t been able to save her.

Even now his eyes remain dry as he moves hair clumped with thickening blood from a face that was finally at peace. He feels the burn, the urge, and the lump even forms in the back of his throat.

But no tears fell. In the last six months, he had wept in both agony and anger, creating floods with longing and grief, drowning himself in the regret of the decision while living in the agony of knowing it was the right one.

There were no more tears left to give for his mad love.

#baldur's gate 3 #fanfic #ao3 writer #astarion #durge #astarion x durge #gore #angst #blood #tumblr writers

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summer-nights19 · 2 years ago

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!!Masterlist!!

Welcome to my blog ! Here, I write fanfic for a variety of fandoms. I'm also into reading and video games, so I might post about those from time to time.

My personal blog is @asslover4 if you wanna chat

Enjoy your stay ~

Requests/suggestions are more than welcome- please leave them in my ask box and I'll get back to you asap (please read the requesting rules beforehand)

Psst here's my ao3

Longer fics

Wings of freedom

Levi Ackerman x fem! reader

Part 1- Moon song

Part 2- Alrighty aphrodite

Part 3- Waves

Part 4- Falling asleep at the wheel

Discontinued

You don't know me

Daiki Aomine x fem reader Part 1

Part 2

Good for business

Balor x fem reader

Playlist and moodboard

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4 Part 5

Omertá

Romeo Scorpius Lucci x fem reader

Prologue

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Oneshots

I'm aware that an increasing number of my oneshots are getting sequels ! If you want a sequel, go ahead and request one, but if you're not interested, all my oneshots can obviously be read as standalone stories (except for the part 2s)

Sailor moon

I'm not her - cheater! Haruka Tenoh x gn! reader (angsty)

Your girlfriend is growing increasingly distant, but you're determined to fix your relationship until you make a terrible discovery when coming back home early from a trip

Part 2 was requested <33

Guess we have a part 3 now

Here's part 4 :>

Kuroko no basket

Replaceable - Kise x gn! reader (angsty)

Your relationship with your boyfriend is falling apart, but you can't leave. That is, until one final blow is delivered.

Also, here is part 2 as requested !

Aomine and Kise x gn reader threesome Letting your fav boys completely destroy you together one night at a party <3

Murasakibara x gn! reader how the GoM guys react when they find out you're dating (request)

Attack on titan

Levi x fem reader fluffy teashop au drabble (request)

You and Levi being hopelessly in love and running a tea shop in a post war au.

Omori

Withering gladiolus- Aubrey angst

How Aubrey's grief changes her life after Mari's death

Tokyo debunker

Roses and stars - Jin Kamurai x gn reader

Jin takes MC out and confesses to them

I hate you, I love you - Leo x male reader (suggestive)

Headcanons

Knb

Knb characters as icks

Please don't hate me ☠

GoM + Takao x afab reader period comfort hcs How they would react to your period mood swings

Knb dating headcanons

What I think dating my personal favs would be like

GoM x S/O who's like Jade West

How the GoM would act with a seemingly mean (but secretly affectionate) s/o

GoM meet Kagami's older sister

How the GoM would act around Kagami's cool, smart older sister

GoM x foul mouthed reader (crack)

How the GoM would act with an s/o who swears a lot

GoM x Reader - how they'd react to a creepy online friend You thought your online friend was nice and arranged to meet him, despite your boyfriend being wary

Tokyo debunker

Tokyo debunker guys as icks (includes a part 2)

Idk what possessed me to do this

Tokyo debunker guys x yapper MC What they'd be like with a talkative S/O

Tokyo debunker guys x klutz MC

What they'd be like with a clumsy S/O

Tokyo debunker captains x cosplayer MC

The how the captains would react to dating a cosplayer

Vagastrom ghouls x nerd MC

What kind of relationship the Vagastrom buys would have with a nerd S/O

Tokyo debunker x S/O who gets flustered easily

How the guys would act with a S/O who is shy about physical contact

Jealousy HCs How the frostheim guys would react to finding out about their partner's previous relationship

Not fanfic

Videogame reccs/what I think the purrgatory characters look like

Requesting rules

Requests are currently: CLOSED

Please don't request

Noncon

Smut is perfectly fine, but kinks are case by case - feel free to send any request, but if it makes me uncomfortable, I won't write it

A/b/o or mpreg

Aus that stray too far from the classic ones (eg college aus, coffee shop aus or mafia aus are all acceptable)

A few other things:

Although I might occasionally write about a ship, please keep in mind that most of my writing is reader insert

Please bear in mind that if you want me to write about an OC, you'll have to provide some details about them. Also, if you don't specify gender preference in a self insert, I'll automatically write a gn reader

Fandoms I'll write for

JJBA

Attack on titan

Obey me

Ikemen series

Sailor moon

Kuroko's basketball

Fruits basket

Kakeguri

Seven deadly sins (depending on the character)

MHA (depending on the character)

Pokemon (depending on the character)

Yu-Gi-Oh

Food wars

Omori

Cosmic wheel sisterhood

Fields of Mistria

Tokyo debunker

X-men

127 notes · View notes

lawlietscaramels · 11 months ago

Text

self intro, interaction guidelines & dni, asks rules, REQUESTS OPEN FOR RIE, RIELIET OR CODING ONLY, masterlist, copyright and related policies

my commissions !!!

if you are from Palestine, I am only able to share your post/ask if you have been vouched for. I'm so sorry to say this. I know you all have gone through so much already. Unfortunately, there are still horrible people trying to use this as an opportunity to scam others. I don't feel comfortable sharing a link with my followers if I can't be sure it's going to the right people. I hope for everyone's safety.

╾ SELF INTRO

hi, welcome to my bLog! I'm lei (lay), they/them. I'm aroace and autistic. I use tone tags, specify, and speak really "!! :)" positively. I'm an artist and writer and I'm obsessed with Death Note! especially L he's so cute.

I have an OC for the fandom and if people will listen I will not shut up about her/hj . She stars in two multichapters, proLogue: 1429 and fish and seagulls and chips and murder. her tag is #desunorie (Rie of Death (Note)) and sometimes #desunorehn.

my stance on rivals to lovers vs enemies to lovers (I'm the anon) and don't take my OC Rie as a self or reader insert and on AI

╾ INTERACTION GUIDELINES

followers can tag me on anything SFW :) fanart and the like, things you think I'd be interested in.. yep!

I really really appreciate reblogs!! They help other people see my stuff 💕

DNI is general stuff, homo/transphobe, ableist, racist, sexist, zoo- or pedophile, general hate, pro/neutral on the genocide, solely/mainly NSFW blog, all that. probably forgot something but in general, nothing illegal, discriminatory, or hateful.

Change your name and pfp from default before following or you'll be blocked as a bot!

╾ ASKS

Asks are OPEN for Rie (my OC) only. Chat or request at any time and feel free to give yourself an emoji/name and pronouns :D no NSFW asks please. but I'll do my best to answer everything I'm comfortable with!

I want my fics to be as inclusive as possible so the reader will never have distinct characteristics unless the headcanons/story revolves around or heavily features those characteristics (eg "reactions to a reader who does x hobby", "comforting reader who's insecure about y trait"). DO NOT ASK for f!reader unless the reader being female somehow changes the plot completely. Same goes for other genders/traits.

Named anons:

🌜 anon; 🍪 anon; 🍰 anon; 🎲 anon; 🗯️ anon; 🎤 anon.

are they in colour order? nooooo....

Asks and my rambles tag is #lei chats. anons are tagged #anons and #(emoji) anon. Requests don't have a specific tag.

╾ MASTERLIST

All of my writing is my own original work. Do not repost (reblogs are fine, no posting on other sites without explicit permission), claim as your own work, edit or rewrite, “fix,” or use unethically. All the below works are ©lawlietscaramels 2023—2024

key:

╾ is a theory or analysis. Anything without is headcanons, x readers, and stories.

‼️ is content with potentially adult/somewhat mature/triggering themes. Specific warnings will be in posts, and in cases like Alcohol, in the title.

⏱ is for older posts in which I no longer agree with my headcanons, theories or how I write the characters. outdated opinions, you could say.

AUs:

I'll organise it further later ☆

Royal/Mediaeval AU

Introduction / L, Matsuda, Matt

Mello

Near

Cast:

tag: #lei's death note (heads up, I'll also use this tag for my AUs and how I interpret the series and characters in general)

Assorted Box of Headcanons (Task Force)

╾ ⏱ Colours (Task Force + OC)

Incorrect Quotes (Task Force)

Laugh a Little Louder

Pokémon! (Task Force + OC)

What's Your Goal? (Task Force)

Events:

Event posts are linked in the master posts for their event. The links here are to the master posts for each event.

Rebirth (#death note reborn) / closed

Death Note Ship & MCR / closed, working on answers

tag: #lei's lawliet

2am

‼️Alcohol (author's pick)

Cake

Cold Pink Cheeks (author's pick)

Detective S/O

Embarrassing Moments

Hair

╾ “L” is his middle name

Lei's L and Matsu Thoughts

Let's Try a Massage

Little Kitten

Platypus Part I and Part II

Reader with Chronic Motor Tics

Rubbing Noses (author's pick)

Stupid

That's My Voice!

To Hold Your Hand

Trickshots

⏱ Watch Over Me (author's pick)

╾‼️⏱ Yandere

You're Pretty (author's pick)

Light:

2am

Thrifting

To Hold Your Hand

⏱ Watch Over Me (author's pick)

Misa:

2am

Happy Birthday

Little Kitten

╾ ⏱ (kinda) Misa's Character Had So Much Potential

To Hold Your Hand

Matsuda:

Matsuda does interviews! find them under #matsuda interview special or in this list marked with a ⁀➷

Lei's L and Matsu Thoughts

What is My Worth? (author's pick - MATSUDA SONG FOR DN MUSICAL!!)

⁀➷What's Your Goal?

Naomi

Martial Arts

Near:

Embarrassing Moments

Reaction to Trans Male Reader

Reader with Tics

Mello:

Embarrassing Moments

Reaction to Trans Male Reader

Reader with Tics

Matt:

Embarrassing Moments

Headcanons

Beyond Birthday:

Embarrassing Moments

Eyes

‼️of α and β (author's pick) / also on ao3

Rie (OC):

Rie is my original character and though she has been inserted into Ohba Tsugumi's Death Note universe, her design, character, and non canon related storyline are all my own original work. Do not steal her design, claim her as your own, or use her for “inspiration” — it's flattering but it often ends up a copy. However, sfw fanart and story cameos of her are always appreciated! character ©lawlietscaramels , ©dailyreine , ©riexliet 2023—2024.

tag: #desunorie

Aliases

⏱⏱ First Draft

Interview

⏱ Introduction

Real Name

Terrible & Terrifying

Thoughts (Rie & Light)

Extra (small) stuff on @dailyreine 🩷

my writing tag is #lei writes. Comment or DM to be added to a taglist (character/s, headcanon format, anything).

╾ ART

All of my art is my own original work. Do not repost (reblogs are fine, no posting on other sites without explicit permission), claim as your own work, edit or trace, copy, use for ai, “fix,” or use unethically. All the below works are ©lawlietscaramels , ©dailyreine , ©riexliet 2023—2024

surprise! bonus section! I also do art (mostly of Rie but maybe I'll do canon characters, you can send requests for art too but they'll take longer). Without anything in ()s, it's just Rie. tag is #lei draws.

A + B

assorted sketches (L, B + Rie)

badges (Main Trio + Rie)

just an eye

hands trend

m&ms (Wammy's kids, edit, not my art)

‼️ mcr (L + Rie - BLOOD)

scarf in the snow (L + Rie)

valentines (L + Rie, bonus Mello and Matt)

　★━━─・‥…━━━☆

I'll organise further sometime in the future :)

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loki-cees-all · 1 year ago

Text

Prologue - Take This All Away {TLTGYA - Post!TVA Loki x OFC Longfic}

Cee's Loki Fic Masterlist / TLTGYA Masterlist / A03 Link / Next Chapter

Summary : It’s just a compulsion to steal the TemPad, and it’s just a habit to flee. The timelines have split, the TVA is in disarray, the threat of He Who Remains is insurmountable - and Loki is just so fucking done with it all.

W/c : 816 words

Content / Warnings : Heavy angst

Author's Note : For the lovely and talented @infinitystoner as a result of the Musical Ask Game. Enjoy, my friend <3

⊱ ─ ༓ ── ⋅•⋅⊰ ─ ⋅ ∙ ∘ ☽ ༓ ☾ ∘ ∙ ⋅ ─ ⊱⋅•⋅ ── ༓ ─ ⊰

That was it. That was the final straw.

The words echoed throughout his mind in an endless loop as his feet carried him along the hallways of the TVA. Sweat and blood clung to his tattered uniform, mercilessly reminding him of his repeated and incessant failures.

It seemed he would never escape that paradigm as nameless hunters and analysts slammed past him, eager to fix the motion of events he had set into place.

Loki recognized one or two of them as they barked orders to the others, and he considered screaming at them that there wasn’t a point any longer.

But they weren’t the same ones as before, were they? And they wouldn’t have listened to him, even if they were.

The image of Mobius’ and B-15's bewildered faces as they took him in, as they tried to decipher the meaning of his warning, still burned into his eyelids.

With the timelines jumbled together, and with the threat of He Who Remains and his variants staring him in the face, there wasn’t - ironically enough - time to convince them of his worth. Again.

Just when he had been making headway, just when he was finding his footing at long last, the rug was yanked out from under him. Like it was always meant to do.

It was easy enough to bewitch the closest things he had to friends after they’d called for backup. The decision to bewitch them at all so he could escape had been the agonizing one.

The TVA’s hallways seemed endless, more so than the other times he had been dragged through them under heavy guard. He almost wished to be a prisoner again, to have this not be his problem anymore.

But it would always be his problem. It was his curse, his pain, his fury - and he was so goddamn sick of it all.

Eventually, Loki found himself in front of the armory. Time Sticks, helmets and shields were strewn haphazardly across the floor after it was ransacked by Hunters desperate to do their jobs.

The ones they had been programmed to do. The ones that didn’t matter anymore.

The urge to destroy everything in the room was a massive, vehement one. But it was too much effort, and its effect would be meaningless anyway.

As Loki turned to drift on, an object in the corner of the room caught his eye. The silver and wood grain stuck out among the black armor on the floor, dropped and forgotten in the midst of the chaos.

Was it a beacon of hope, or was it another illusion?

His limbs pushed him forward before he even realized what he was doing, and his hands grasped the TemPad before he could stop himself.

Where would he even go? Dare he try returning to Asgard, his home? But it hadn’t ever been his home. Not really.

His lungs tightened in his chest as he stared at the most powerful object the TVA had. Loki wasn’t even sure if the TemPad would still work as his fingers tapped mindlessly on the screen.

Maybe he could try Jotunheim. He could probably convince the few remaining Frost Giants to let him lead them back to glory without even breaking a sweat. And it would be so easy…

He cursed and shook his head. That plan would only lead him to the dungeons of Asgard, and Odin would be more than happy to keep him locked there forever under his thumb. Loki would rather be dead than trapped within that particular form of misery.

Ultimately, he knew it wouldn’t matter where or when he went. In spite of his centuries of painful existence, every decision he made was the wrong one.

Loki believed there was nothing he could do to escape himself. He had tried, many times, to no avail. Each time he had ended up worse than the attempt before, whether by his own flesh or one akin to it.

But that was before the timelines had broken free. There was no sinister figure calling the shots any longer. Could he try, one more time, to escape that fate?

That question remained unanswerable even as the interdimensional portal opened before him. Its glowing amber reflected off his disillusioned and resigned features as he hesitated.

The absence of crimson around the Time Door did nothing to assuage his fear - it would be a time loop whether he wanted it to be or not.

But this time, he didn’t know where or when he was going, and that was the point. The less he knew, the less he could screw up.

Perhaps he would try apathy for awhile. Even if it didn’t save him, at least it would be less effort.

And maybe, just maybe, this would be the last time he had to flee.

Even Loki didn’t believe his own lie as he disappeared through the portal into the unknown.

⊱ ─ ༓ ── ⋅•⋅⊰ ─ ⋅ ∙ ∘ ☽ ༓ ☾ ∘ ∙ ⋅ ─ ⊱⋅•⋅ ── ༓ ─ ⊰

Tag List : @infinitystoner @sarahscribblesss @lunarnights95

Click here to be added to my Loki fic tag list! 💚

Cee's Loki Fic Masterlist / TLTGYA Masterlist / A03 Link / Next Chapter

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wangxianficfinder · 2 years ago

Text

Fic Finder

~*~

1. For the Next Fic Finder:

Looking for a time travel fic in which older WWX travels back to past Lotus Pier, the Jiang family then decides it would be better to have older xian be introduced as younger xians older brother. Older!WWX also comes with them at CR in which he befriended LXC and later NMJ and change both of their opinions regarding resentful energy.

P.S I think there was also a chapter where he went "missing" but he was just with the Dafan Wens and just really missed them in his depressed state.

FOUND! MingYu by Fino_Al_Cielo (T, 87k, WWX & LWJ, YL WWX, yunmeng siblings, Fix-It of Sorts, Time Travel, Canon Divergence, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies, PTSD, References to Depression, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Suicidal Thoughts, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Slow Burn, Trauma)

~*~

2. Hello! Looking for two specific modern AU fics

A) Posted on twitter where Wei Ying kept bothering LWJ on the length of her skirt (it was a genderbend fic)

B) Posted on instagram. LWJ and WWX were both models, WWX were kidnapped and tortured at one point because of jealous Jin Zixun

Thank you in advance for the help! @hid9884

2A)

FOUND? this thread by @/3neetee

~*~

3. Hi can you help me find a fanfic?? um wei wuxian works at a sex shop and lan wangji comes in to close it down bc his parents own it but end up falling in love where as jiang cheng works at a bar where lan xichen fall inlove w/ him and wei wuxian crazy ex (jenny I think) tries to kill him??

~*~

4. hiii ! i’m looking for a fic where it’s set in post canon, i think, and it’s about wei changze confronting jiang cheng about everything wei wuxian went through. There was a scene where he talks about experiencing being whipped by zidian through wwx bc at his desperate times, wwx unknowingly calls for his parents and wcz was able to connect with him somehow and that’s how he saw the things that happened in wwx’s life. tysm!!! @makkachiin

FOUND! Chapter 24 of Short Prompts by Vrishchika

~*~

5. I'm looking for a shapeshifting fic. LWJ was a rabbit and WWX a fox. LWJ ended up transforming out of stress, and bumped into WWX who took him home on his fox back and later kept visiting him. WWX was also staying in the woods and keeping things at NHS's house. I've searched through my history but I can't find it so I'm scared it's been deleted. @flaxenhairedsamurai

I don't remember what 5 is called but someone else was looking for it semi recently

FOUND! This Twitter fic by @/Zizzani

~*~

6. I'm looking for a modern AU where the characters work in various emergency services. I remember that the first chapters focused a lot on WWX, and I *think* that later chapters switched to a focus on Meng Yao/JGY. I specifically remember a scene where WWX climbs up a stuck rollercoaster or Ferris wheel, and someone he tries to save falls and dies. He was maybe a firefighter? And LWJ was maybe an EMT?

FOUND! 🧡 Like a House on Fire by KouriArashi (T, 82k, WangXian, Modern au, Paramedics, Firefighters, Light angst, Mutual pining, Kid fic, Past drug use, Past child abuse, Families of choice, Domestic fluff)

~*~

7. I want to find a Wangxian A/B/O fanfic It was very long and angsty about Wei Wuxian being an Omega Cultivator where they are expected to be locked up inside. It had a one-sided Jin Zixuan x Wei Wuxian and a really bad scene with Wen Chao. Its no longer in ao3 but i cant remember the author reposted it

FOUND? and the calm is deep where the quiet waters flow (Prologue – Index) (E, 303k, off-screen rape, oppression, violence, sexual assault, grief/mourning, unwanted pregnancy., A/B/O)

~*~

8. looking for a modern au fic, cant remember the title but the description on ao3 had something about a taxi driver noticing a bruise on wei ying and mentioning that the person will hurt him again. there was a suicide attempt i think, due to the jiang family abuse, and lan zhan was his neighbour!

FOUND? like a fox in tall grass by notinamillionyears, starcrushedjewels (notinamillionyears) (E, 93k, WIP, WangXian, Suicide Attempt, Drug Abuse, Past Child Abuse, Strangers to Lovers, Neighbors, College/University, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Depression, Anxiety Attacks, Pianist LWJ, Smoking, Trauma, Explicit Sexual Content, Slow Burn, Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Caretaking, Identity Issues, Age Difference, Power Dynamics, Dom/sub Undertones, Eating Disorders, Mutual Pining, Consensual Non-Consent, Sleeping Together, Suicidal Ideation, Bipolar Disorder, implied manic depression)

~*~

9. hello im looking for a fic where jzx asks wangxian for help and there's a cursed building? and mxy is in it or in the center of it and they rescue him. that's about all i remember sorry. appreciate any help tho ♥️

hello im the last ff anon #9. sorry but the suggestion isn't it. i distinctly remember it being a cursed building, or maybe a watch tower maybe? and mxy was inside it. wangxian are already married iirc also a bunch of jins died in that building i think? bc of the resentful energy?

hello ff anon #9 again. to answer anon's question, mxy isn't a spirit. he's alive in the fic and i think he follows wangxian after he was rescued? i appreciate all the help that's coming y'all are so cool

NOT FOUND! 9 sounds like it might be Aftermath by KouriArashi (T, 57k, JYL/JZX, wangxian, LXC/JGY, canon divergence, fix-it, everyone lives au, romance, developing relationship, family, sibling bonding, light angst, politics, attempted sexual assault, some murder, people talking about their feelings, trauma processing) although the rescue is in a mine not a building

for #9, is MXY a ghost/spirit that needed liberating/sending off?

FOUND? quiet, blooming hours by Sanguis (T, 13k, WangXian, Modern with Magic, Modern AU, Magical Realism, Established Relationship, Married Couple, Family Feels, Background Relationships, Resurrection, Adoption) Idk if #9 could be ...the house is somewhat cursed and the jins are involved but not the way anon describes. Wangxian is established though

~*~

10. Hi, I hope you can find me find this wonderful fic where WWX used an array to make everyone forget about him. He succeeded with his plan but the people who initially knew him (JC, JFM, JYL, even Madam Yu, basically everyone) always subconsiously thinks of him like something or someone is missing in their lives. Eventually, JC, LWJ, and LXC realized that someone must've erased their memory of that person so they tried their best to undo the curse or the array.

FOUND? Remember by Amona (T, 57k, JC & WWX, wangxian, Canon Divergence, self-sacrifice, erasing oneself from history, colored souls, sword spirits, major angst w happy ending, implied/referenced rape/non-con, minor character death, WIP)

~*~

11. Hi, I'm searching for a modern au fic where WWX was gonna have an abortion, and LWJ offered to drive him to his appointment. He said that he'd help him because his mother had no choice or something like that. It's a one shot, I think, not much happens, appart from that.

FOUND! baby let's take the long way home by plonk (Not rated, 10k, wangxian, modern w/ magic, abortion, mpreg, with a twist, enemies to lovers)

~*~

12. Does anyone remember that fic where lwj is a goth DJ at a bar? And wwx keeps trying to meet him or hang out with him? Lwj is ruder than usual I think. I might be mixing up two different fics but in the one I’m thinking of lwj gives wwx a ride home late at night… it’s driving me crazy- I thought I had saved it!

FOUND! The Quiet Room by trickybonmot (M, 39k, wangxian, modern, 1990s, goth LWJ, cellist LWJ, college student WWX, house hunting, dating, clubbing, implied/referenced past child abuse, mental health issues, academic disaster aftermath, getting together, homelessness)

~*~

13. First of all, thank you for all your work, you're awesome!! Second, I'd like to ask for your help to find a fic. it's ABO where omegas are like really rare and sacred in the cultivation world, wwx is an omega but for some reason he hides it until it all comes out about the time he's in the burial mounds with the Wen, and that's when the sects finally believe him and take his side bc omegas always stand for what's right and true or smt. Thanks!!

FOUND! Woven fates by apathyinreverie (T, 10k, wangxian, ABO, alpha LWJ, omega WWX, fix-it, fluff, family, romance, mates) it has the "omegas always stand for what’s right and true," but wwx wasn't hiding it, he just didn't present until he felt safe and then ran into lwj again / WWX wasn't actively hiding being an omega though, but only presented while in the burial mounds.

~*~

14. Hello i'm looking for a fic where wei ying enters a mating run on a dare(or bet) and if you survive the run you get $50,000 if lan Wanji chooses you, you get $1 million. There is also some orginized crime aspects to the fic

FOUND? Five Fifteen by 3neetee (M, 11k, wangxian, rape/non-con, ABO, modern, alpha LWJ, alpha WWX, mating runs, graphic descriptions of violence, dom/sub undertones, light bondage, implied mpreg, dark LWJ, betrayal, smut, dark lans, unreliable narrator WWX) locked

~*~

15. Hello for the next fic finder can you please help me find a fic where Wei Wuxian loses his memories after an accident. I remember WWX and LWJ were engaged and they were going to marry and LQR hired a private investigator and the accuses WWX of cheating and everyone believes him. But it was actually WWX meeting Wen Qing to discuss adopting A-Yuan. WWX keeps it a secret because he wanted to surprise LWJ when they get married with the adoption papers. Anyways after they accuse him of cheating WWX runs out and gets hits by a vehicle and loses his memories. It was a modern AU.

Thank you for all the help you do for us. @mybestfriendisacinnamonroll

FOUND? (Un)forgettable by Edens_Cat & VividestList (E, 67k, wangxian, LWJ & LSZ & WWX, WWX & WQ, modern, misunderstandings, angst w/ happy ending, kid fic, teacher WWX, single parent WWX, amnesia, protective WQ, protective LSZ, smut)

~*~

16. Hi! I am not sure if this has been asked before but I'm looking for this fic where Lan Yuan grew up as the Jiang sect heir because Jiang Cheng got to him before Lan Zhan. I could remember there are several kids in the Burial Mounds and one of them was adopted into the Lan sect as a healer. And the rest (there were three of them ig???) were basically hiding in the Jiang sect unbeknownst to Jiang Cheng. I really really loved that fic but I can't remember much from it and I want to read it again. Thaaaaanks!!

FOUND? Until The End by abCEE (M, 365k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, war changes people, resulting to OOC, no pinning, Established Relationship, Mpreg, Good Uncle LQR, a little grey LWJ, a bit of JC bashing from LWJ, BAMF JYL, 16 years of yearning, mainly CQL verse but has scenes from the novel as well, LSZ is WangXian's Child, WWX Has a New Golden Core, Canon Rewrite, Happy Ending, Fix-It of Sorts) sounds like this one, but a-yuan is still with the Lan. The kids at the Jiang sect and the healer at the Lan sect match though

~*~

17. I think it was very Nie Huaisang centric and short, but I can’t remember anything other than a few lines near the end where NHS was remembering that JGY hadn’t taken into account that LXC had known him since he was a kid and would trust and defend him.

The line I remember is something like “NHS remembers being passed back and forth between LXC and NMJ like a particularly beloved parcel” referring to LXC practically adopting him as a second little brother.

Thank you!

FOUND! Chapter 32 of Twelve Moons and a Fortnight by stiltonbasket (M, 290k, WangXian, Humor, Slow Burn, Post-Canon Fix-It, Long-Distance Relationship, Epistolary, Love Letters, Family Feels, a-qing lives, teenage romance, Adoption, Romantic Comedy, Happy Ending, Weddings, Case Fic, Parenthood, Politics) you're looking for chapter 32 of twelve moons and a fortnight by stilton basket.

~*~

18. Hello, can you help find this fic? The back story in this fic is yzy is cheating with wcz and wwx is yzy'son with wcz. After wwx born he was cast aside and yzy pregnant with soon after with jfm as the fathet. Wcz become a rogue cultivator while raising wwx and he meet csr. In the first chapter i think wwx is kinda kicked out by bssr to make him meet with his sibling in cloud recesses and make a peace with them. I think he introduce himself as a-xian (or it is a-ying? But i think it was a-xian). I think that's all i can remember. Thank you!

FOUND! The Undesirable Son by FragranceLotion97 (G, 34k, WangXian, CQL but WWX is Madam Yu's Bastard Son, It goes differently from the beginning, WWX becomes sworn brother with lxc then becomes his in law, LWJ is still whipped, There is Yin Iron, Heavily CQL with a little mix from the novel, Adding donghua into the fandom because i decide to use a lot of things from there)

~*~

19. For the next fic finder: can you help me find a fic where wwx falls in the lake when they’re fighting the abyss, and everyone believes he dies. Weeks (or maybe months) pass, and then he washes up on the shore of the lake, somehow still alive. I think it might have been Lan Xichen pov, and he was blaming himself for losing wwx since he was in charge of the hunt.

~*~

20. Looking for a fic where WWX was Baoshan Sanren’s disciple (I think) and they were doing demonstrations. WWX went through all major sects’. The one I remember clearly is that the Lan style was war

FOUND! Become Tomorrow by ShanaStoryteller (Not rated, 39k, wangxian, cloud recesses study arc, BSSR's disciple WWX)

~*~

#wangxian #mdzs #wangxian fic finder #wangxian fic search #the untamed #wangxianficfinder #long post

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