#the problem will never truly be solved if we continue to lock up and hurt people instead of handling the system that shapes and enables-

[qoldenskies]

I know this work focuses more on trauma, psychological horror, and emotional healing (With all its ups and downs); but it also has a mystery with the witch, curse, and the reasons for doing that to Donnie (I mean, many could say that it would have been less cruel to kill him directly than to make him go through all that to kill him slowly)…

My question is, will the brothers end up getting revenge on the witch? (Basically killing her)

Because I get the feeling that this type of story focuses more on the victims' feelings than on justice and revenge itself, and rarely do the guilty get punished in those types of stories….

I think it's because it's a sad reminder that in most crimes/manipulations in real life, the guilty aren´t going to be punished (Our justice system sucks (-_-)), so it's better to focus on your personal healing than on revenge or justice that probably won't help you heal (Although I like stories where the bad guys get punished more).

Whatever you decide I'll accept it<3

haiiii!!!! :3 my position politically is extremely anti-punitive justice (i am as leftie as you can get), but for the sake of catharsis in a fictional setting there will absolutely be revenge!! this is a very abstract situation and there's a big reason i dont EVER plan on having donnie have to confront the person who cursed him. he never meets her :) i think there's something satisfying in particular about stories where the person who's been hurt and abused DOESN'T have to confront the person responsible for it, because i think it reflects what a lot of people always wanted, including me

i will say that justice will not be served in this next chapter; i am including it both to set up some of the basics about kitsune that will be important for the future (she only appears in this chapter in another one, but this one will be setting something up!!) and because it's an emotional "conclusion" to leo's series of mistakes up to this point (i say conclusion in quotation marks because there's no closure for him, but it's important. he'll finally be slowing his roll after this)

i plan to make the real thing bittersweet and traumatic, not triumphant. it's visceral and its hard to say if it's really healthy, or the right thing to do, but it shows the depth of how angry this all made them, and how coming out of the curse has irreversibly changed them. it's an act of love.

[theoncomingchaos]

Who loves Rook: Spite or Lucanis

I've been seeing a lot of discourse about this, and I just want to add my thoughts.

I might be totally wrong about this, but here we go. When Spite was put into Lucanis, he was still Determination. The fact that he changed throughout the torture, forced insertion, and imprisonment suggests to me that they have been put into a speedrun of a similar situation to Anders and Justice/Vengeance where they have started to meld. (As Anders put it, you wouldn't know where one begins and the other ends). Just like Anders and Vengeance, Lucanis and Spite can have separate consciousnesses and even disagree about things, but their core values have started to influence one another and become a part of one another- heightening certain aspects.

I think this melding is why we see some dialogues where Rook tells Lucanis that he sounds like Spite and similarly it's also the reason for the shared attraction- which I fully believe is coming originally from Lucanis.

I'll be honest my first time through I romanced Lucanis and was very disappointed. I didn't even see him and Neve ever flirt (she only ever encouraged us!) But still, it seemed to go from 0 to 60 with him. Now, I am on my second playthrough and I only just met him, but I am starting to see some really subtle looks and dialogues that suggest that Lucanis wasn't lying later when he said he was attracted to Rook from the beginning, but was afraid to really pursue anything or even acknowledge the possibility of being with them. With his fear of trusting people, ptsd from the prison, failed history in romance, and his new situation with Spite that he still hadn't worked out yet, he never thought anything would or could ever come of his feelings. We know Lucanis loves romance stories and likely longs for one of his own, but in such a situation it must have seemed truly impossible and terrifying to let someone else in. Especially someone you really care for and are starting to trust. So, he pushed it all down. Rook flirts? Maybe a small smile, but then quickly lock it all up with everything else he can't handle. Focus on work. Don't think about Spite, or Rook, or anything difficult.

However, if the melding has already happened as I suspect, then the feelings Spite is expressing are shared with (and likely sourced from) Lucanis, he's just better at expressing it directly- which makes sense for a spirit that was once Determination. When you first talk to Lucanis after the rescue, the thing Spite says about Rook changes accordingly to your tone, but to me the responses still sound like they come from Lucanis and are then echoed in Spite: "He doesn't want to hurt us." Even the "He's more fun than you" is something Lucanis seems to think about himself as he is fully aware that much of his life has not been his own and believes "all he knows is death."

Leading back to the main point, Lucanis's trust and interest in Rook would be heightened by Spite the way Anders' anger towards the templars was heightened. Even though they are finally free from the prison, their is a sense of constant suffering from still feeling trapped by fear, regret, and pain- Spite feels that suffering too. The elements of determination are still within him the same way justice is another side to vengeance. Both spite and vengeance are the results of failing to achieve their goals of Justice and Determination. Spite sees Rook as a way to free them from pain and restraint, a glowing and beautiful key to the prison door, and he is determined to do what needs to be done to solve the problem. That's why he doesn't hesitate. He has no fear. He wants to talk to Rook. He wants Rook to come in and free them.

After Rook has freed them, they become a source of comfort and safety, once they encourage Lucanis and Spite to find a way to cohabit comfortably, the two continue to meld, and the need to protect Rook, to love Rook, to keep them, is very deeply shared. Now, IF Spite was somehow removed or even somehow restored (Both of which I think are impossible) that would likely change. Determination outside of Lucanis would likely become more like Compassion. He would likely forget the horrors he experienced to return to his original purpose.

So, that leaves some final questions, particularly one Hawke helpfully asked Anders- Is Spite an unwilling party in the threesome?

That's up to everyone's own morality. While both Spite and Lucanis didn't have a choice to become like this, it is the situation they are in and the way they have to find a way to accept and live with because there really doesn't seem to be any real way to change it. Through their time together, Lucanis and Spite have influenced each other and grown into something new. Part of that is Spite also loving Rook. In that way, for those who are feeling (rightfully) underwhelmed by Lucanis's romance, Spite can almost be seen as a symbolic expression of Lucanis's love.

All that being said, I think there were some small things they could have done to make the romance more satisfying over all...but I'll save that for another post.

[karume-everything-else]

Whumptober 2023

Day 28: "Please don't make a promise you can't keep" [Reader x All Might (Toshinori Yagi)] {My Hero Academia}

Being late to everything was never fun, Toshinori knew that all too well. And yet, here he was rushing into a reservation nearly an hour late because of a villain attack that he'd tried to stop. The foolishly hopeful attempt was to finish everything off long before now and just barely be late by maybe five or six minutes.

But here he was showing up just as you were getting ready to leave.

As understanding as you were about Toshi being All Might, there had to be a line somewhere. Not only was it difficult on you to always be put to the side like this, but it was putting extra strain on him. Nothing about the situation seemed fair, but you didn't know what to do.

"[Name], sorry I'm late." He panted as he settled into the chair opposite you, "Work was a little-"

"Please don't Toshi." You were almost whispering, trying to keep the hurt feelings out of your voice, "I already know how busy you are. Maybe we should just call it a night?"

"I know it's rather late, but I just got here." He could tell what you were holding back, "Please, let me make this up to you?"

"Don't make a promise you can't keep." It came off much more bitter than you truly intended but... "Please, for all our sakes. I know you're always busy and maybe that's a good enough reason to be a little... distant. Cause we both know how much your career means to you."

"It doesn't mean nearly as much to me as you do though." He reached for your hand, "Surely you know that?"

"Unfortunately yes."

"Unfortunately?"

"I'm smart enough to know you mean everything you say," You looked up at his bright blue eyes, "But emotionally I can't say I know anything. And I know that's my problem to deal with but--"

"No, it's not just your problem to deal with sweetie." His hand tightened carefully around yours, "I just don't know how to make things better. Not unless you tell me."

You couldn't help but look away, down at the small candle in the middle of the table. Of course he would make every effort to be there, but he was also the number one hero in Japan. Anything you asked would feel like a selfish demand, regardless of what Toshi might say to the contrary.

"[Name], I'm well aware of how it must feel." He continued, "Trust me, I don't want to be late for everything like this either. I really want to do better, to find a better balance between work and you. Cause you're the love of my life. Something I never thought I'd ever be able to have."

There was a brief pause while the waiter took your orders, locking you into this date and conversation. Not that you minded, if you were really that upset, or even remotely unwilling to forgive Toshinori you'd have left before he had a chance to get this far in the first place. But there was still something bittersweet about what he was saying. As if he were trying to convince himself as much as he was trying to convince you.

"[Name], sweetheart, I want you in my life. I've honestly never felt this way about anyone before." He sighed, "I just want to be able to say I did my best, that it wasn't my job driving you away, but my own stupid choices. I know that technically means the same thing but... I can't help but feel like the nature of my job makes it more difficult for you to speak your mind. And I really don't want that to get in our ways."

"I... we'll see..." You murmured, "But maybe we should discuss this at home, where we don't have to dance around the subject. Or have some random person put their two cents in where it doesn't belong."

Toshinori nodded, wondering how he was going to fix this. After all, it wasn't like he could just solve this and move on with his day. This would undoubtedly take a lot of time to get just right.

[zeta-in-de-walls]

Tommy’s character and the theme of failure

One thing I’ve always rather appreciated about Tommy’s story in the Dream SMP is how it explores the idea of failure. It can be a challenging one to do right as it means exploring a character’s weakness a lot and can start to feel unsatisfying if the character never succeeds but I feel like Tommy’s story avoids this issue as his arc is ultimately an encouraging one. His character never stops trying or gives up in spite of his losses, showing the perseverance to keep going until eventually he starts to find happiness, no matter how elusive it seems. 

Tommy’s character is no stranger to failure of course but I’d say this theme starts to become prominent with November the 16th. Tommy had two goals: to save L’Manberg and to save Wilbur. He was pretty optimistic about both. And he failed. The day ended in disaster with Wilbur dead, Technoblade, his idol, mocking his heroism and telling him to die, and his home in ruins. It takes him a long time to come to terms with who Wilbur was, separating Wilbur into two in his mind: President Wilbur and the ‘crazy’ Wilbur who blew up L’Manburg. 

But Tommy continues on, quietly moving on as L’Manburg gets rebuilt. No matter what, he still believes in L’Manburg; it’s still alive. Also, he wants to finally get his remaining disc back from Dream, feeling the need to do this after putting it aside for so long.

But of course, things don’t go well. That which he had taken for granted, his bond with Tubbo, was under fire. His personal wish to get his discs back was causing division. A simple prank gone wrong was tearing everything apart as Dream threatened L’Manburg once again. None of these things were purely Tommy’s actions, and yet his actions played a part all the same as Dream essentially took advantage of all of Tommy’s weaknesses. Tommy was being viewed as a liability, a troublemaker, as self-centred, as a problem. 

Tommy’s character likely blamed himself somewhat for his failure with Wilbur and L’Manburg the first time but it had been out of his hands and his reactions were more shock than being truly broken by the events and he kept up his optimism. Yet this time, the problems were not things far beyond his control. It seemed it was his own mistakes spelling his doom and it impacted him quite severely. As much as he recognised Dream as an antagonist here, his friends distrust of him was his failure. Despite his best efforts, he could not convince Tubbo not to exile him. 

Rather than seeing the fairly resilient, optimistic Tommy like the first time he was banished, this time Tommy’s defeated. We see the full effects it takes on his mental state and the narrative does not pull its punches. Tommy’s already depressed and we start to see evidence of suicidal thoughts very quickly. This is all made far, far worse by Dream who encourages his dark thoughts and feelings of worthlessness, telling him everyone’s better off without him while breaking his spirit and making him miserable by repeatedly blowing up his items. 

Dream was of course Tommy’s enemy, he’d recognised before that what Dream had been doing to L’Manburg, with the obsidian walls and insisting on banishing Tommy, had been unfair even if Tommy had been helpless to stop him. Yet over exile we see him really start to internalise Dream’s words, starting to really believe that narrative that he is unloved and a liability, despite his best efforts. As his mental state worsens we see him starting to believe Dream’s lies so much that he begins to believe that Dream is really his friend who cares about him. Meanwhile, he’s angrier and lashing out at the people he cares about, we seem him kill Jack, break the bridges he built and generally lashing out at the people he misses the most. 

So through exile, we see Tommy at his weakest and most vulnerable. We also see some of his flaws with his uglier side, his uncontrolled emotions, his dependency on others, his deep self-worth issues and how he can be so successfully lied to. This deep exploration of Tommy’s character allows us to really see how the repeated failures and setbacks and losses affected his character mentally and depict it as yet another obstacle he needs to overcome. 

And ultimately he does, ultimately deciding to fight back and run away from exile on his own. Tommy’s arc goes to very depressing places but manages to remain an inspiring story by showing you at his weakest and yet also show him never truly giving up but pressing on, in search of that happy ending. Running away from exile has him also realising that Dream is his enemy, not his friend and he commits to fighting back against him. 

But of course the narrative doesn’t entirely move on. Tommy’s struggles and failures continue to plague him as the mental issues he has with self-worth and his confused feelings towards Dream do not go away. He managed to continue but that wasn’t the perfect victory as most of his problems are still there and he’s still the same person. at Techno’s house, we see him and his confusion. He’s lighthearted and joking about but he’s still deeply troubled without a clear stance on Dream or L’Manburg or Tubbo and he clings to the idea of the disc as a simple goal. It seems as if he’s doomed to become the person he hated or make the same mistakes again. He once failed to save Wilbur and it seems as if his greatest failure would be to go down Wilbur’s path too, blowing up the country he once loved. 

And Tommy nearly goes too far. He finally meets Tubbo again and his anger, his issues all come back as does some self-centred behaviour as he declares that ‘the discs are worth more than you ever were’.

And he immediately regrets it. He apologises, he turns around and gives them up to Dream. He won’t let himself turn into Wilbur. 

And yet, every little victory he fights so hard for is met with an even greater failure. He switches sides on Technoblade while giving Dream exactly what he wanted. His story isn’t a happy one in spite of him trying his very best and making the decisions that are right for him. And we can only wonder how inevitable it was or if he could’ve done better for he hurts Techno deeply. Is he doing better or does his very nature doom him to make the same mistakes again and again?

Once ore, we see L’Manburg blown up and this time Tommy declares it a lost cause. Despite his best efforts, it’s over and we can only stare at the ruins of the nation he’d once helped build with Wilbur. Additionally, Tommy is dead to Techno now, that relationship seemingly broken forever. 

But it’s not the end. Tommy is defeated once more, with each failure hitting harder than the last but he doesn’t give up. He keeps on fighting. For all he’s lost, he’s won Tubbo back, and the experiences may have been terrible but he has learned something through all of it. Even if all that is, is understanding suffering a bit better and getting back the courage to apologise and reconcile.

He and Tubbo go after Dream and it’s almost, almost too late. He’s nearly locked in prison forever and Tubbo almost killed. 

But it’s not end. Just this once, it’s not a failure. They bet it all and finally had that victory. The rest of the server comes to save them and Dream gets locked in his prison while Tommy and Tubbo are finally free. 

Course, Tommy’s story isn’t over there. And the thing with this theme of failure is that it keeps on cropping up. They may have finally gotten a victory but Tommy’s issues aren’t over. he tries to start again, building his hotel but the trauma from exile has made an impact on him. It’s something that can’t be solved in a day, but only over a long time. And despite everything, the issues keep coming back. Tommy feels like things are unresolved with Dream and visits him again. 

And he gets locked in prison and dies and then gets resurrected. And its all absolutely devastating and it seems as if Tommy will never get better, that he’ll never truly have his happy ending. His hotel gets stolen from him and its as if everything he tries to do ends in failure.

He tries to sort things out, tries solving things with killing Dream and it just gets Ghostbur killed and the guilt can only eat at him. Wilbur is back at Tommy’s afraid but time has passed and he’s starting to see Wilbur more for who he is. After all he’s been through, he understands him way better than he did before. He once more commits to helping him but Tommy isn’t the naive kid he once was. 

Tommy still lives in the very same spot he always did. He still wants the same things he always did: a home, security, peace, friends, and he’s been experiencing many losses. And yet, his story is not a hopeless one. Because in spite of all that’s happened, he’s still trying again. And he’s learned and can avoid making those mistakes again. Right now, he’s doing better, he’s committing to living peacefully in a way he hasn’t in a long time. He’s been attempting to build bridges and though all his failures haunt him, he is gradually healing day by day, still trying to find that happy ending.

I think Tommy’s story is very cool for the way it really explores these themes of failure. It does not pull its punches, its dark, never easy or straightforward but that’s also what makes it so powerful. Those bright spots, feel so good, they feel so rewarding because they were so hard-fought. We root for Tommy’s character because we’ve seen his journey and really feel he deserves his happy end even though its never going to be perfect and indeed every failure is a mixture of forces outside of his control and his character which he has been trying to improve, learning to be nicer, more forgiving and more aware of his own emotions. He can’t fix Dream nor does he know how best to help Wilbur but he can help himself and that’s what he’s always trying to do. He holds himself to account and always tries his best.

[hikarus-shida]

Eddie Kingston: "Changing Your View"

Eddie Kingston x fem!reader

genre: nsfw 18+, kind of angsty in the beginning and middle

warnings: nsfw 18+, sexual intercourse (unprotected), oral (f), foul language

summary: reader is a friend of eddie and jon. she wants more from eddie, but he only sees her as a little sister. when eddie starts flirting with other women, the reader gives up and tries to move on.

requested by: anon (hope you enjoy!)

tag list: @cutierocker202 @bec0m @irish-newzealand-idian-dutch @elitehunter @drewmcintyrekoccsrocbwdgfan

This is an 18+ imagine. If you're not 18+, please read at your own discretion if you don’t intend on leaving this post. You’ve been warned. :)

I hope you all enjoy! This really took me a couple hours to write, on and off. The end feels super wonky, but I really enjoyed writing it nonetheless. I really wanna do more angsty things!

imagines masterlist

*i do not own this gif!*

“He’s doing it again, Jon.” You complained, as the two of you watched Eddie pursue yet another woman that has walked by. Seeing Eddie flirt with women made you sick. You were standing in front of him this whole time and he never bothered to give you the time of day, all because you were like a “sister” to him. It felt like incredulous bullshit to you though.

“Listen Y/N, you gonna sit around and complain or are you gonna do something about it?” Jon always gave you tough love, sure he had great advice and was more than willing to always give it to you, but god did you talk his ear off about Eddie. He was the only one you trusted enough to tell about your crush and Jon told you the most logical thing to do was to tell Eddie, but you didn’t want to do that. Of course yet again, this was a problem only you could motivate yourself to solve.

“Yeah, I will do something about it,” You stood up from your seat and looking at Eddie once more before looking back at Jon, “Tell him not to talk to me, I’m over his shit.” You walked away, not looking back and missing the eye-roll that Jon directed towards you. You and Eddie were always putting him in the middle of shit, it was a mystery how he still hung out with the two of you.

It was hours now that you hadn’t talked to Eddie and you were better for it, the peace and quiet without him was astonishingly great, but you missed the constant chaos that he contributed to in your life. Jon kept texting you to stop being an idiot, but you just wanted some time to be overly dramatic about your love life and unrequited crushes.

You walked out of the women’s locker room, just to walk back in when you saw Eddie. “Yo! Y/N! Get the fuck outta’ there.” You heard his voice, unreasonably loud as it was. You tried your best to act like you hadn’t heard him, and luckily enough for you, the rest of the women’s roster wasn’t in here which saved you the embarrassment. “Y/N, I’m not afraid of walking in and seeing in a bunch of women.” You rolled your eyes and called his bluff, Eddie was too respectful to just mosey in here like nothing.

“Alright, I am afraid to walk in, but you gotta come out here and talk to me.” He said, outside of the door and his voice getting softer compelled the hell out of you, which made you mad at yourself for falling for it and him all over again. You walked over to the locker room door and opened it, now face to face with Eddie. “What do you want?” Your voice was monotone, refusing to inflect any excitement or happiness. The last thing you needed Eddie to believe was that he was in your good graces when he actually wasn’t.

“What’s up with you, lil’ sis?” You rolled your eyes and refused to meet his gaze. That’s what was up with you, that right there. The “lil’ sis” shit. The anger in you was running through your veins, you were a grown woman and he needed to see that, you needed him to see that you wanted him. “That’s my problem. I’m not your little sister, Eddie. I’m a grown ass woman! And it bothers the hell out of me that you can’t see that I’m completely in love with you like the fool that I am. You run around chasing after all these women that don’t love you like I do and you can’t even see me standing here. It’s fucked up.” You snapped, your once monotone voice filling with emotional rage.

Eddie tried to reach for you, but you moved away from his touch. The look on his face hurt you, it was for the best though. Eddie needed to know that this has been bothering you for the longest time; what he chose to do with that information was up to him. And what he did shocked you. Eddie grabbed you by the waist and pulled you into a kiss. You were so mad at him, but you wanted him so bad. The kiss was gentle at first, but once you kissed back, it had gotten messy and it was as if you two were fighting each other with your lips, trying to get one up on the other. Eddie bit your lip gently, tugging at it as he pushed you against the women’s locker room door and shut it behind you two. He pulled away from the kiss, quickly locking the door before turning back to look at you. “This is what you wanted this whole time? You wanted me? Well, I’ll give you what you want.”

Eddie surprised you some more when he began to strip right in front of you. He was once clad in his usual jersey and light-washed jeans, but now he was fully naked and he was truly hung. You licked your lips and refused to rub your eyes to reassure yourself that this was real life, and not a dream. “You just gonna look at me or are you gonna take your clothes off too?” You rolled your eyes at his comment and began to take off your clothes, starting with your top and ending with your sneakers. Eddie took a good look at you as his hand slid down to his cock, slightly jerking his member as he bit his lip. He walked over to you and wrapped an arm around you, pulling you close as he looked into your eyes. “I know we have to make this quick, but I want to take my time and show you how much you really mean to me.”

Eddie laid you onto the ground, gently, while hovering over you. He slid himself down so he could face your pussy, rubbing his fingers up and down your folds before his tongue joined. His fingers inserted in and out of your hole as his tongue circled around your clit while you let out quiet moans. “Oh, Eddie.” You moaned out, your hands grabbing at the ground. Eddie continued to eat you out and now that he knew what set you off, his tongue sucked on your clit as his fingers began to pump in and out of you quickly. Your legs twitched as you felt your release, crying out Eddie’s name while he licked up your juices.

You felt the sweat building up at your temples and on your back, watching Eddie get up on his knees. His cock was slick with his pre-cum and all you could think about was how he tasted. You wouldn’t find today you assumed since Eddie lined himself at your entrance. The two of you moaned when his tip slid in you and you gripped onto his arms, leaning your head back against the floor as your back arched.

Eddie’s cock pumped in and out of you, sweat beading at his forehead. “Y/N, you’re so good. You feel so good,” His hands gripped onto your waist as stroked deeper in you. Eddie’s movements were gentle yet hard and he didn’t want to hurt you, but he wanted to make sure that he brought you to your edge again. And you were close once again because of his voice, praise, and words that he would say to you. One in particular shocked you the most as he grabbed one of your hands and interlocked them, “I love you, Y/N.”

“Eddie, I love you too.” You moaned out, his body getting closer to yours as he continued to thrust. The two of you continued to let out moans and groans as the both of you were close to releasing. Eddie’s thrust began to get even slower and sloppier, you knew he was close. He gave it all he got and his tip continued to your spot over and over again, making you cry out as you released onto his cock, Eddie soon following and pulling out of you. His load dropped onto the floor which made you quickly grab the nearest wipe to clean it up.

Eddie stood up and made sure to help you up, bringing you into a hug, not caring that the two of you were still in the nude. His hands wrapped around your back and rubbed it as he pulled you in for one more kiss. “I’m sorry for making you feel that way and not seeing how you felt about me sooner. I meant it when I said I love you.” Eddie said once he pulled away, still holding onto you while you settled into his touch and cuddled into him.

“I love you too, Eddie.” He smiled slightly, rubbing a hand behind your head as he pressed a kiss against your forehead. The two of you began to get dressed, interlocking your fingers when you were ready to leave the locker room together.

You didn’t know what was next for you and Eddie after this, but at least he changed his view and saw you for what you really were: not as his “lil’ sis”, but as someone who was in love with him and that he loved back with the same amount of passion.

[thran-duils]

Use All of Me (P.5)

Title: Use All Of Me (Part Five) Summary: Fem!Reader x Dark Mob!Steve Rogers. The Avengers are heroes saving the world but in this AU, they are also permitted by the powers in charge to have less than favorable business underneath their guise of mere superheroes. Steve and Tony are at the helm, keeping their empire’s wealth in check, both devious and perilous if crossed. Steve takes a liking to the reader at a party and it may be her undoing to her autonomy choosing to go home with him. Words: 2,889 Warnings: Dark AF, angst, emotional/mental abuse, smut, breeding, death Author’s Notes: This relationship is going to go ~downhill~ from healthy really quick. Please do not read if that is going to offend you.

Part Four || Part Six || Masterpost (mobile) || Fanfic masterpost

You ate in silence at your dining table. Tears still stung at your eyes, no matter how you tried to hold them back. Your mind was racing, trying to still make sense of what had happened. Steve had never been that aggressive with you. Sure, he had been heated outside the club when he had found you flirting with Joseph. But he had not frightened you; he had not become an imposing shadow, stealing away your ability to speak what you felt.

He had not mentioned children more than a handful of times, commenting he wanted them. It had seemed harmless enough; wanting children was a normal ambition for people. But the way he reacted… he was showing a completely different side. Domineering. Maybe that is who he truly was and your defiance to his desire triggered it.

“That going down all right?” Steve questioned, genuine care in his tone, interrupting your thoughts.

“Obviously,” you muttered before you could stop yourself.

Steve stilled for a moment, tossing a scrutinizing look over at you. You ducked your head again, taking another bite. He waited a few moments, still studying you. When he turned away, you felt the tension relax in your frame.

You excused yourself to bed after finishing your soup. It was only 8:30pm but you just wanted to sleep. Steve informed you he was staying the night – not to your surprise.

He came up behind you, his strong arm wrapping around you. You sniffled and he peered over your shoulder. “Hey,” he said gently. His fingers came up underneath your chin, turning your head to look at him. “Oh, doll. I know you’re scared. But I’m right here. I promise.” He was calm, caring just like you knew him to be. And that made the situation even more confusing, more tears overflowing. He leaned down, shushing you quietly, laying soft kisses along the side of your face. “You’re going to be okay. I’m not leaving. Okay?”

You licked your lips and whispered, “Okay.”

<> <> <>

Thankfully, you had Fridays off having a four ten-hour day schedule, so you did not have to suffer the embarrassment of calling in for the fourth day in a row. You did not think it was possible for you to keep yourself together if you had to explain to your boss why you were not coming in.

You slept in past 8:00am. How you had managed to sleep almost twelve hours was surprising but you amounted it to the stress.

When you came out of the bedroom, Steve was standing in the living room, staring out the window, on the phone. You saw there was a plate of pancakes and bacon – that is what had initially roused you from your sleep. You were a little queasy but the carbs might help make you feel better.

Steve heard the floor creak and he tossed you a smile in acknowledgment. “Yes, exactly. On Monday would be perfect. We can get everything packed up over the weekend.” You stilled, your eyes moving to his back. “And how much is that going to be? I can have the money wired or if you need a card the day of, that works too.”

You slowly sat down grabbing an empty plate and taking some of the pancakes slowly, focusing most of your attention on his conversation.

“Uh huh. Yep, that’s the address, correct. Steve Rogers.” He paused and chuckled. “Yes, I am. No. No, it’s not my place. It’s my girlfriend’s. Mhmm.”

You realized you had poured too much syrup on your pancakes, not paying attention. You swore under your breath quickly upturning the bottle to place it back on the table.

“Perfect. Thank you.”

He hung up, turning around to face you. “Oh, good. I made that for you.” He began texting.

“What… who were you talking to?” you asked.

“Moving service.”

“A moving service?”

Steve did not spare you a glance as he continued to type, “Yes. I want you to move in with me. It would make me feel more relaxed having you close.”

“I can’t move in with you.” That caught his attention. You swallowed sharply seeing the look on his face, but you pressed on, pointing out, “It’s too far away from work. That is a long commute for me.”

“You don’t have to worry about that. You quit.”

Astounded at his nonchalant attitude about your career, you protested, “I don’t want to quit, Steve. I can still work. I’m pregnant, not disabled.”

“I’m sure you can,” he responded. “But I don’t want you to. And you don’t have to worry about doing it yourself. I already visited your employer this morning and let her know you wouldn’t be coming back. So, like I said, you quit.”

You felt like the air had been kicked out of you. You thought he had meant that you should quit, not that it had already been done. And done without your consent.

“You did what?” you asked in disbelief after a few moments of staring at him, gaping like a fish.

He stopped typing again and locked eyes with you. He explained slowly, “I went to your employer and explained to her you wouldn’t be coming back in. She understood.”

“She ‘understood’? What did you do?”

Steve narrowed his eyes, his hands dropping a little. He asked tensely, “What is that supposed to mean?”

Holding back an accusation of him being forceful, you instead switched gears to hopefully garner sympathy. “Steve! You… you probably just ruined my chances of getting a job again in this field. Word travels! I can’t just… quit! After being out of the office for three days. It’s not a good look!”

“This is how it was going to end up anyway. It just happened faster than planned.”

“How what was going to end up?”

“You were not going to be working forever. You don’t need to. Not if you’re married to me and we have children together.”

A scoff escaped, “I don’t remember being a part of that conversation. You’re taking everything away from me! And I’m sorry, marriage?”

He stalked over to the table, tossing his phone down. He placed his hands on the back of the char across from you, leaning on it. “Taking away from you? Y/N, I’m giving you everything!”

“How? By forcing me to have a child I am not sure I want? Or using your power to just up and quit my job – especially without my agreement? Making me move in with you – AGAIN, without my agreement? You’re making all these decisions about my life without speaking with me!”

“About our life, Y/N. This isn’t just about you. That’s a very childish way to think about it.” Your mouth fell open at that, him calling you selfish. He pointed at himself, “I am making all the hard decisions because you’re demonstrating to me you only want to take the easy way out. Is that how you solve problems, Y/N? I thought you more mature than that, but I have been proven wrong. It’s frankly disappointing.”

Scornfully, you asked, “Well, if you think me so immature, then why are you insisting we go through with this? I mean, what immature person could take care of a baby?”

“You’ll have help,” Steve said, piqued. “Pepper is giving me recommendations for nannies.” You scoffed again, looking away from him, trying not to cry from your frustration. Steve growled, “You should be grateful. With how loose you have shown yourself to be, it could have been anyone that knocked you up.” You snapped your head back to stare at him, hurt. He shook his head seeing your expression, his eyes cold. “Even after you showed you were all too ready to move on quickly and have another cock between your thighs as if I meant nothing, I forgave you. I had already fallen for you. I couldn’t let you slip away – I won’t let you slip away.” He pointed at you aggressively. “You should be thanking me, not backtalking me. I won’t tolerate it. Not from you. My patience is wearing thin, so drop the damn attitude! You hear me?”

You said nothing, glaring at him, biting your cheeks.

Steve said more forcibly, “Y/N, I expect a damn answer.”

Tightly, you got out through gritted teeth, “I heard you.”

The tension in the room could be cut with a knife.

“Good,” he said tersely. “You should think about what I said. I’m doing this for us.” He stared at you for a few more moments, as if he was waiting for you to retort something. You were past that, knowing it was not going to help you right now. He seemed satisfied with your silence, pushing away from the table and grabbing his phone. “Eat your breakfast.”

<> <> <>

Feet tucked up underneath you on the couch in front of the large fireplace, you texted Natalie.

What do you mean you quit?

Steve insisted I don’t have to work. I’m going to be taken care of.

So, you’re throwing your career away because you got pregnant? You do realize you can have both, correct?

Your instinct was to text back that you knew that, but you were afraid to. Because you were unsure if Steve would ask to see your phone and be irked by what he saw.

I know. Having some time off might be good during this though.

It’s going to be more than a year, Y/N. You’re going to lose a lot of time!

I know. But I’ll be fine. I’ll figure it out.

It had been tense with Steve for the last few days, you feigning sickness more often than usual. You thought he could see through the charade but he did not call you out as a liar. It was going to come to a head at some point; his lust seemed to be insatiable. He had told you as such that he was craving you and could only handle so much time apart.

What you told Natalie was true, you were going to figure it out. It was too much at once. All these thoughts had been rushing through your mind. Was what he said right? It had gotten under your skin. At least in the sense that you were immature? There had to have been many people in your situation faced with this decision and so many sucked it up and grew up. Were you afraid of growing up and being a mother? Steve had taken you to the doctor earlier this morning to check on everything. You were over a month along, which means you had gotten pregnant very quickly.

You sighed, thinking for the umpteenth time that day if being pregnant with Steve was actually the end of the world or if you were making a bigger deal out of it than you needed to.

Bucky strolled into the room and you straightened up, quickly tucking your phone underneath your thigh. He noticed and cocked an eyebrow in curiosity. You gave him what you hoped was an innocent smile. Before, you would have welcomed his company with open arms but now you knew you needed to be guarded with them all. They were Steve’s friend’s, not yours.

“Steve around?” You shook your head. “Hmm, he say when he was gonna be back?”

“No,” you answered quietly.

Bucky was eyeing you and you tried to be calm underneath the scrutiny. You were not doing anything inherently bad texting your friends, but Steve had made it clear he did not want you divulging too much. You were sure the other Avengers were aware of this and agreed with him; their livelihood was at stake if you spoke or knew too much.

Coming over to the couches, Bucky sat close by, leaning back, arms draped over the back of the couch.

“How are you settling in?”

You shrugged, “Fine, enough. I guess.”

“You guess?”

“It happened really fast,” you offered.

Bucky hummed in acknowledgment, nodding. “Seems that’s how it goes most of the time.”

You did not like it moving fast, that was the problem.

“I’ll give you an update after it’s over,” you sighed.

“You sound miserable.”

You just averted your eyes, giving a slight shrug.

“You’ll get used to it, Y/N,” Bucky said reassuringly. “Steve cares a lot for you. And he’s always wanted a family. This is perfect for him, so he’s going to be a little intense. He’ll chill out. Trust me. I’m his best friend and all.”

Being bold, you locked gaze with him and said coolly, “I just wish I had some say in it. It is my body after all if everyone somehow forgot.”

Let him tell Steve that. Maybe it would sink in differently if it came from Bucky.

Bucky instead of looking taken aback, actually looked impressed. “There it is. That fire Steve said you had.” You were unsure if you should take that as a compliment or not. He shifted forward, his elbows resting on his knees. He pierced you with a serious look, “Some advice though… you did give yourself to him the moment you got in bed with him. He’s going to have final say, and as I’m sure you know, he doesn’t like pushback. And I’m sure not especially from you.”

Wasn’t that the truth.

“I would realign that fire to becoming the wonderful mother we all know you can be rather than resisting him. It won’t end well that way. He’s not a man to cross.” He paused before adding, “He’ll give you the stars as long as you do as he asks.”

You were quiet, letting what he said sink in.

Bucky sat in silence was well, watching you closely.

Was this going to just be your life now? Living in this large house, waiting for your child to arrive and then continue staying here, rearing children for Steve? Bucky’s point was clear: you were not leaving here, let alone him, unless Steve gave you permission to.

“I need time,” you said stiffly. “It is a lot to take in.”

“I’m sure. But you are in perfect hands.” He got up from the couch. “I’ll go wait in his study so I don’t continue bothering you.” His gaze flicked to where your cell phone was hidden for a split second.

You nodded in acknowledgment, electing to stay quiet as he walked past you towards the stairs.

<> <> <>

As soon as Bucky was in Steve’s office, he shot him a quick text.

She’s being sneaky about her phone.

It did not take long for Steve to respond.

Don’t worry about it. I’ll see if she says anything I don’t like. She’s being good so far.

Bucky snorted reading the text. “Sneaky bastard,” he muttered.

<> <> <>

A week later, Steve was at it again. He came up behind you in the bathroom mirror, his arms wrapping around you as you dried your face after your face scrub. His hands played with the hem of your short robe.

“Don’t,” you said, pulling away from him.

Steve’s face darkened and he grabbed your wrist, stopping your forward motion. He yanked you back to him and you winced at the tug. His hand came up to grip your other wrist, holding them in between you.

“What did we talk about, Y/N?”

You tried to pull away again and he held fast. You pleaded, “Steve. Please. I just want to sleep.”

“You had all day to sleep. And you’ll have all night after I’m finished,” he told you, pulling you closer. His forehead rested on yours, his eyes closed. “I haven’t seen you all day. But you didn’t leave my mind, baby.”

You swallowed sharply at his intimate confession.

His hands left your wrist, finding the ribbon on your robe instead and undoing it. He pushed the robe from your shoulders, letting it fall to the ground. He hummed in approval seeing the babydoll you were wearing; it was the pink, satin one you had put on when he had brought you home from your first date.

“You look gorgeous,” he murmured.

You gave in, letting his tongue slip past your lips. Steve’s hand ghosted up your thigh underneath your babydoll and in between your thighs. He groaned against your lips, his fingers delving past your folds. His thumb caressed you, working you up, despite your initial disdain about being in his arms.

Steve picked you up, your legs wrapping around his waist. On your back on the bed, he slipped inside you. He did not draw it out, going right for it, panting and groaning above you. Steve always made sure you came before he did, his stamina being superior to yours. He held you close as you tightened around him, your legs quivering. When he came, his head fell beside yours, resting on the pillow. You were pinned beneath his immense weight for a minute before he pushed away from you, hovering overhead.

Steve trailed kisses down your abdomen, causing you to shiver.

“Can’t wait to see you heavy with my baby. You’ll look perfect,” he husked against your skin. “I love you so much.”

He meant it too. He did love you. And that did not bode well for you for whenever you did escape.

~~~

Tags: @imsonick , @alexakeyloveloki, @kvzctam, @ironlady1993, @taintedgenre, @inlovewiththefictionalcharacters

[tomboyneedshercoffee]

Lovedust Pt.6 || Peter Parker x Stark Reader

Summary: Y/N finds out more about how the lovedust works and it leads to her realizing her biggest fears about Peter if he’s cured. 

Word Count: 4.2k

Author’s Note: There’s a lot going on right now but thank you guys for being so incredibly kind and patient with me. Shit is going to hit the fan real soon with Lovedust so stay tuned! ALSO Don’t forget to leave comments if you guys liked it or hey even if you hated it! ALSO ALSO My taglist is getting pretty big and hectic so if I missed yours, I am VERY sorry pls just message me again so I can add you asap!

Warnings: Mild language, mentions of death and nightmares, slowburn

part one || part two || part three || part four || part five || part six ||

part seven || part eight || epilogue 

As your eyes fluttered open, you gave yourself a minute to adjust to the sound of rain hitting against your bedroom window. You closed your eyes as you inhaled deeply, your arm instinctively reached beside you to touch Peter, only to find that side of the bed empty. 

You opened your eyes again and slowly raised yourself up to turn to see that your prediction was correct and that he wasn’t next to you. You knew it wasn’t a dream, you distinctively remembered him holding you as you fell asleep but you guessed he might’ve left soon after. 

The memories of last night rushed through your head as you felt your heart drop slightly and already, you felt empty so early in the morning. You remembered everything about the nightmare but more importantly, you remembered Peter cradling you like a child as you cried in his arms. 

You couldn’t wrap your head around a single feeling to describe the thoughts in your mind. As every day passed, Peter was showing you more and more how much he truly cared for you, and the thought of him not being able to keep the same energy once he was cured terrified you. 

You loved this new Peter and how kind and compassionate he was around you. It was annoying at first dealing with the cringey pick up lines and weird comments about the two of you getting married but now that you realized there was more to those side effects, you found him even more endearing. 

It was the small things like how he sacrificed the right side of his body so that you could fit under the umbrella perfectly or how he would willingly sit through a horror movie for you even though you both knew how much he hated them. 

You even saw a change in yourself and how you treated him. The other day, you two sat side by side on the couch and shared headphones while listening to the playlist you made for him or when you would tell him a dumb joke just so you could hear him laugh. 

It was selfish to hang onto the idea that Peter would always be this kind to you but you rather savored the moments you two had together since you knew better to know that nothing in life was guaranteed. 

You felt embarrassed that he had seen you so vulnerable, especially since Peter didn’t know what happened to your parents and now, you felt like you owed him an explanation. You looked back at your clock and sighed once you saw that you had already missed the beginning half of school, you thought screw it, you were taking a mental health day. 

“ Is it senior skip day or something?” You looked up to see your dad standing in your doorway with his arms crossed over his chest in a scolding manner but once he saw your dazed expression, he dropped the act,” Y/N? Is everything okay?”

You could feel your throat tighten as you shook your head, refusing to cry again. 

“ Nightmare,” You swallowed to stop yourself from letting anymore sobs from coming out of your mouth as Tony sat next to you and put his hand on your shoulder. 

“ I know kid, I know,” Tony brought you closer to him as you hugged him tightly. 

You had told Tony about your nightmares but he was already well aware on what happened with your parents. You were still pretty young when your parents had passed and you’ve lived most of your life with Tony as a parent but that didn’t mean you weren’t traumatized over what happened years ago. 

Tony had not only given you a good home and had locked down your future, but he was always there to listen and offer help, whether it was from himself or health experts.

“ It was Peter this time,” You said softly as you felt your dad hug you even tighter,” I don’t know why but he was in the nightmare and he-he tried to hurt me...I feel so guilty, I don’t know why he was there but my brain just made him  you know?” 

“ That’s not something you can control Y/N, remember what I said, your brain just picks up on different people-unless he did something. Did he do something to you? Cause I swear-”

“ No, no Dad it was the opposite,” You sighed as you pulled away and bit the inside of your cheek,” I know you told me not to hang out with Peter but...we’ve been getting closer and I think I...I don’t know. All I know was that when he comforted me after my nightmare, I felt the safest I’ve been in a long time….Things are different now. I don’t know what I could say to convince you but please don’t get mad.” 

You looked down at your bedsheets to avoid his gaze and you weren’t sure if he was burning a stern glare at the back of your head or not. 

“ I’m not mad about Peter, I already knew you were seeing him behind my back anyway and I should’ve known you two would’ve pulled some Romeo and Juliet bullcrap. Anyway- You’re strong enough to look after yourself, hell stronger than some of these people living here and if I may speak candidly, I know you could kick his ass if he ever crossed a line,” Your dad said as you let out a small chuckle,” I want you to be safe and happy. I would prefer you feel that way without a boy in the mix but I won’t yuck your yum.”

You wrinkled your nose but you couldn’t help but smirk,” Do you think I’m strong enough to become an Avenger?” 

“ You already are,” Your dad smiled as you inhaled deeply,” but before we get too mushy, I did actually want to talk to you about the other day, you know, about Peter’s health.”

You sat up straighter in your seat as you nodded attentively at him before he continued. 

“ It’s really important that you keep this between you, me and Banner, okay? I’m gonna use some big words so keep up,” You nodded again as you felt your heart beat rapidly against your chest,” you already know this but the lovedust activates a huge amount of serotonin in the body and sometimes that can lead to some major health problems. Well, with every day that passes, he runs the risk of having a ventricular tachycardia and that’s what explained how he collapsed the other day-”

“ Hold on, he collapsed? And did you say a ventricular tachycardia? Like a heartattack?” You asked as you felt your own heart stop for a moment as your dad gave you a confused expression,” So you’re telling me the lovedust could kill him? When did this happen?”

Your dad inhaled sharply as he swallowed hard,” Yesterday afternoon. We were done running tests and Banner noticed a car pull up and I said it was your friend John-”

“Josh.”

“ Yeah sure. Then we heard a loud thud and Peter just dropped. He just fainted but still, it’s a sign that things are getting worse,” Your dad said as you felt your heart completely shatter.

You felt like it was all of your fault. Even though Peter just fainted, he could’ve hit his head and died right there and you couldn’t stop yourself from filling your head with more terrible thoughts. 

“ Oh my god, I never thought things would get this bad,” You said as you rested your forehead in the palm of your hands, trying to keep a consistent stream of thoughts but each idea made you think of Peter getting hurt,” and there’s still not a cure? What have you guys even figured out so far-it’s been almost a week!” 

You knew your dad was trying his best but all you wanted was for Peter to get better and it didn’t help that time was against everyone. Peter could suffer a heartattack at any time of day and it didn’t make you feel better than nothing was being solved. 

“ Well we have a pretty strong theory about what caused the lovedust if you’re up for hearing it,” Your dad suggested as you hesitantly nodded. 

“ Our main theory is that the lovedust is effective when the patient- Peter- makes contact with the variable-you- and since you were the first person he saw, it activated his serotonin output. So it could’ve been anyone and Peter would’ve had the same reaction,” Tony said and it was so silent for a minute that you could hear a pin drop,” why is your face pale?”

You didn’t know how much you didn’t want to hear that theory until this very moment. You weren’t even sure why you could feel your throat close up again but this news made you sink back onto your bed. 

Peter really didn’t mean anything he was saying. After all those late night talks about how in love with you he was, those were all just side effects. Those were never his thoughts. He never really loved you. 

“ Oh...that’s good I guess,” You said quietly as Tony’s pager buzzed. You could tell Tony wanted to stay and talk to you but when he looked down at the notification, it seemed pretty urgent,” you can go, I’m just gonna stay here for a little bit.” 

“ We’ll talk later, okay kiddo?” Tony patted your knee and walked past your bed, closing your bedroom door behind him. 

You stared up at your bedroom ceiling as you thought about what your dad said. Peter’s condition was getting worst but now, at least they figured out something that could help them along the way. If they could figure out the properties of the lovedust than that means they could reverse it and find a cure. 

What if you didn’t want them to find a cure? 

You almost talked yourself out of your thought and called yourself a selfish idiot in the process, the goal was for them to help Peter. This could help Peter, you reminded yourself as you got up from your bed to get dressed. 

You weren’t sure where you wanted to go but you thought that your mental health day could carry on to the outside world. 

Mad....why were you mad? 

You had no reason to be so upset and you kept reminding yourself as the elevator went down to the garage. You aggressively pressed the button to unlock your car and once you sat down in the driver’s seat, you started your car and backed out of the garage. 

It was pouring outside and while you hated driving in the rain, you just had to leave to clear your head. 

Why were you upset?

Maybe because for once in your life, you felt special. 

You stopped on the brakes and you could feel your heart sink into your chest as the rain hit against your windshield. 

You shook your head slowly before you slapped your hands against your steering wheel hard.  

Was it awful that you loved the attention you were getting and maybe, just maybe, you were starting to see Peter differently? 

You slammed your firsts against the wheel again and again as you let out a frustrated grunt through your gritted teeth. 

You were mad that Peter could die. You were mad that there wasn’t a cure. You were mad that the lovedust had ruined your life. You were content without Peter meddling in your life but now that he had left such an impression, all you wanted to do was make sure he stayed as true to himself as he was now. 

You couldn’t expect that from him. You couldn’t expect that once he was cured, he would act back to his regular douchebag self but anything was possible, he didn’t owe you anything. 

You taunted yourself as you tried to snap out of whatever this hellish tantrum you were throwing. 

Why would you be upset over a guy who had fake feelings for you all this time? 

It wasn’t his fault and it wasn’t your fault either.

Anyone. It could have been anyone. It could’ve been a sockpuppet and Peter would’ve probably tried marrying the damn thing. 

You snapped your head over to the passenger side of the door once you heard a hard tap come from the window. Once you saw it was Peter, you turned to face the front and unlocked the door without looking back at him. 

He opened the door and sat down beside you in the passenger seat without saying anything. He was soaking wet from head to toe and while you were annoyed he was getting the inside of your car wet, you had more important things to focus on. 

It was too quiet for your liking but there wasn’t anything you wanted to say to him. Frankly, you weren’t sure why you even let him in.

“ How did you sleep?” Peter asked quietly as he tested the waters.

It was clear that you were in some type of mood but Peter never knew how to approach situations like this, especially since he didn’t know why you were so upset. 

“ I slept fine, you?” 

“ Good I guess,” Peter shrugged as he shifted awkwardly in his seat,” are you okay? Are you upset about what happened last night-”

“ No,” You said truthfully as you leaned your head back against the headrest,” I mean, yes, I’m okay but no I’m not upset about last night.”

“ Well something is clearly bothering you and I just want to help. You know you can tell me anything, I mean it Y/N, we’re friends now. We shouldn’t be hiding things from each other,” Peter said as you let out a dry laugh. 

You knew you couldn’t reveal everything to Peter about what your dad had told you but it didn’t stop you from feeling angry. 

“ Okay, you want to be honest, lets be honest. When were you going to tell me that you collapsed at the lab?” You asked as you turned your whole body to face him,” my dad told me this morning.” 

Peter inhaled deeply but looked you straight in the eye,” I was going to tell you... eventually. It’s not like I had time to really sit down with you, I know you’re going through a lot right now and I didn’t want to stress you out. Besides, I feel fine now, it’s not a big deal.”

It was a big deal, he could die. That’s what you wanted to tell him. His life was at stake and yet you were keeping this big secret from him. It was hypocritical and wrong and if anyone else had told you, you would’ve revealed to Peter about his worsening condition. 

But it was your dad who told you to keep things a secret for now and you just had to trust him for both of your sakes. 

You looked at him for a moment as you studied his face while he did the same to you. It was as if you both had so much on your mind yet no one wanted to be the first one to detonate the bomb. 

“ I’m just so tired Peter. I’m tired of having conflicted feelings on whether or not this lovedust has been creating more problems than solving them… Whatever this is between us, I like it a lot but I hate feeling so pathetic to the point where I actually enjoy the feeling of having a guy give me attention only because of some space shit,” You turned your attention back to the steering wheel,” How do we carry on with our lives once you’re cured? What’s stopping you from being a complete asshole to me like before?” 

“ I told you, nothing has to change. No matter what happens, we’ll always be in each other’s lives as friends or something more. I would never treat you the way I did in the past, I swear on my life.” 

Peter could feel the energy in the car shift right as he finished speaking but there was nothing he could do to change the course of the conversation. The path had already been set and now, he just had to strap in and hope he could hang on. 

“ How am I supposed to believe that? How do I know anything you’re saying is true? Everything this lovedust has been built on is a lie, you don’t love me Peter. It’s a fucking chemical reaction that is messing with your body,” You snapped loudly but Peter hardly flinched,” your mind and body has been corrupted by a parasite. You say you love me but if you take the lovedust away, you don’t. It’s that simple.” 

“ Just because it’s a chemical reaction doesn’t mean that the way I’m feeling is a lie. I spend so many nights thinking about you and how happy you make me so for you to say that I don’t actually love you-”

“ Are you listening to yourself? You love me because of the dust, why is that so hard for you to understand? Love is supposed to be natural, this is not natural!  If the way you’re feeling isn’t a lie, look me in the eye right now and tell me, did you love me before the lovedust?” You asked as you turned back to face him,” tell me the honest truth, did you love me?” 

Peter felt like his body was burning up in the worst possible way and his throat felt dry as he thought carefully. It was so hard for him to see how terrible he was in the past because of the lovedust, all he could think when he saw you was just utter love. 

You were visibly hurt, even if you were shouting at him he could read you like a book and there was something that he knew was there but he just couldn’t figure out what it was. It felt like some sort of test that Peter had to decipher; he didn’t have all of the pieces of the puzzle so how was he supposed to get the full picture? 

“ I don’t...no. No I didn’t,” Peter said softly as you let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding,” but that doesn’t mean I didn’t care about you.” 

There it was, the million-dollar answer to the million-dollar question. Of course he didn’t love you, he had tormented you for years. Your dad’s “theory” was right, the lovedust didn’t matter if he had loved you beforehand. It could’ve been anyone. 

So even if you might’ve known all along, why did it hurt and why were you upset?

“ Stop lying to me. You never cared about me, you loved humiliating me,” You said in a shaky breath,” you loved seeing me cry and you loved it when I got mad. I could see it all across your face, you loved making me absolutely miserable. So you can say you love me all you want now, but I know the truth. You don’t understand, this lovedust is ruining me, Peter. Do you know how painful it is to be tormented for years and all of a sudden, the same person is now in love with you just like that?” 

“ Ruining you? You didn’t touch the damn thing! And you want to talk about pain-Do you know how painful it is to love you?” Peter shouted as he felt his voice crack,” If I’m not near you, I feel like I’m going to die but when I’m around you, my chest feels like it’s going to burst open and it’s painful. I’m in pain right when I wake up in the morning to right before I go to sleep everyday because the mere thought of you drives me insane-” 

“ I didn’t ask for you to love me-”

“ I didn’t ask to love you either!” Peter shouted back louder, this time to make sure you would stop interrupting him,” My body feels weak all the time, I’m fucking falling apart because I love you so much. So don’t tell me that I’m lying about loving you because that’s all I feel when I look at you. Even when I’m pissed off I still love you but if you think for one second I’m going to sit here and let you attack me for my past that I have already apologized for, then I don’t want to hear it.” 

Peter gave you one last look before getting out of your car and straight into the rain. Peter slammed the car door behind him so hard to where the door completely fell off the hinges but Peter was so angry that he kept walking away. 

“ You fucking...ugh!” You screamed as you got out of your car and followed behind him. 

You were completely livid, you both were being unfair but just because he was going through a different type of pain than you didn’t mean yours hurt any less. 

You shouted after Peter but the rain was so loud to the point where you considered that maybe he just couldn’t hear you. You sped up your pace to the point where you almost slipped against the concrete. 

“ You don’t get to tell me that I can’t be mad at the past Peter when it’s only been a week since you got infected!” You yelled as you grabbed Peter’s arm to stop him from walking away from you,” Just because you apologized doesn’t mean I can let it go so easily. For years, you made me feel like I would be alone for the rest of my life because no one would ever love me!”

Peter whipped his head back around to face you as you kept a strong grip around his wrist,“ And I’m telling you now that I love you and I was a fucking idiot for hurting you. Jesus Y/N I am sorry but we’ve had this conversation before so why are you mad at me?” 

All you could focus on were his eyes, which were darting back and fourth across your face as if he was pleading with you. You had pushed him across the line so many times but now, Peter was pushing back because he just needed a clear answer. 

You both were tired of yelling and fighting and in this moment, Peter was so close to tearing down the walls you had set up for years to keep yourself safe against him. It was eating away at you because deep down, you knew why you were mad at him, you just didn’t know if you could bring yourself to let it slip out of your mouth.

The rain sounded muffled and all you could think about was how cold you were feeling. You were somewhat forcing yourself to focus on anything other than Peter but you were trapped in his desperate gaze. 

You felt your breath hitch as you could feel yourself getting choked up,” I’m mad...I’m mad because the way you feel about me right now, it’s fleeting... it’s temporary. One day when you’re cured, you’re going to stop loving me and that terrifies me.” 

Peter squeezed your hand and you didn’t even realize that while you were talking, the grip you had around his wrist had moved to interlock your fingers with his. You could feel your chest tighten as you moved your eyes down to your hands and you slowly moved your gaze to meet Peter’s. 

“ Why does it terrify you?” Peter asked softly and now it was your turn to plead with him using your eyes as if you were saying please don’t make me say it.

Maybe a part of Peter knew that you wouldn’t admit that maybe, there was something developing between the two of you that you just couldn’t bring yourself to admit. But Peter knew you well and even as he read you like a book, he wanted to hear it for himself. 

“ I’m terrified because…” You almost said it as a whisper and even Peter was having a hard time hearing you because his heart was beating so loudly,” because I…”

You swallowed hard as you looked down at his lips and even if it was just for a second, Peter caught you staring. Peter felt his knees weaken and he was seconds away from just pulling you into his arms but it was your move. 

Peter had given you all the power and while a part of him felt relieved, it didn’t stop him from reaching up and tucking a strand of wet hair behind your ear. This was the moment he had been waiting for. 

He had given you all of the puzzle pieces you needed except he saved the last one just for you. He wanted you to put the last piece in so that way you two could step back together and admire all of the hard work you put into it. 

 You would’ve. You were going to let him know everything and unravel in his arms because finally, you could let go.

You wanted nothing more than to pick up that stupid puzzle piece and slam it into the puzzle to show him you were serious. You were going to let your walls crumble down and for once, you were going to be fearless. 

But you just couldn’t bring yourself to do it. 

“ I can’t,” You said softly as you let go of Peter’s hand and practically rushed back towards the building,  leaving Peter alone in the rain. 

@eridanuswave​ @juliet-winterson​ @akacalumtrash​ @ilovepeterparker13​

@parkerboop​ @juliebean247​ @multi-fan-lover​ @ffffan-----girlll @lukesbabylon​

@danicarosaline​ @parkeret​ @marvel4geeks​ @hollander69​ @spideyyeet​ @spn-assemble-seven​ @vibraniumdaisies​ @spaghetittiesbcimgay​ @vi-bi-bye

@lemonsnips​ @aduky​ @faithfullcompanion​ @stopthemotherfuckingmusic

@satellitespidey @foreverpark​ @marvelobsessedteenager​ @deadpoetsbackup

@zalladane​ @starcourt-s​ @parkersinfinitywar​ @stargazingcarol​ @littlesugarb​

@itsteph13​ @jennasmmith​ @liljennyx3​ @harryspet​  @todaynotseen @oh-whatabeautiful-parker​  @tiny-friggin-human @popluckbih    niiight-dreamerrrr     sovereignparker  marie-is-in-the-darkbuckyboy-soldier   maia030   parkershoco wolverinesbeer   cherrysruin  sunkissdes  kiainspace  songofcosplay spideylovin write-from-the-heart  thatcrazywhovian09  eternallyvenus thollandxmsrawog  idiosadeoro  imawkwardandhereweare foundwolvesthequeen-oni silverwolf-sama  inspiring-bea multiversegalaxygirl lastupidebitchette idekwho1am

silverwolf-sama  wishing-wanting  annoyinglyloudcomputer  faithful-music akacalumtrash  agusdoti   panickedbrain serendipitous-amor shannonthewriter-blog    darth-andy   farfromtom   xroselights murdermornings dorbiksbitch   baby-unidorn   yes-multi-fandom-girl  multiversegalaxygirl a-disappointing-teen-author  rivas0309  vlogsquad-wannabe   spicy-embryoo  takemetoneverland420 teenage-tragedy  roxybefab   hopebaker  timeless-crow marvel4geeks  desteweirdo  panicattheeverywherekid  miragee3 cjphoenix135 liawhite03 zeusmyster boinkybarnesleftarmaunicornmademedoitActionsMinimizeClose tomshufflepuff  drishtisikarwar  peterparkoure frantasmic  jillanaholland  imdoingathingmom  shawni-h  lukesbabylon  dsl1999  queenmochi  heyarely16  jokersqueenofchaos  agusdoti  karmaboundlife  lalabruhh  blackloveangel13  flufflymota07  un-viaje-en-las-estrellas  lozzybowe  teenwolfrebel   panickedbrain

spaghetittiesbcimgay   itscaminow shirukitsune petersquips buckybs xroselights saucyparkerr zeusmyster msmimimerton fudgemesteveharrington 1999yanira boinkybarnesleftarm  parayeet-amiright

[rhubarberpie]

Me, Just Me

ao3 || m.list || prologue

-_-_-_-

Marinette took in the silence, trying to ignore the crippling fear that threatened to choke her. It was as if she was stuck in a small, enclosed box, rather than the apartment's dining room, trying to open up to her parents. She had faced monsters double her size, jumped into the mouth of a dinosaur, and yet this was the most frightening thing of them all, waiting for her parents to respond, finally seeing behind her carefully crafted front.

It was her mother, ever patient and loving, that broke the silence first. “For how long has this been going on?” Sabine asked, and Marinette could tell that she was trying to be encouraging, placing her hand on top of Marinette’s, smile gentle and motherly, despite her tense shoulders and edge to her voice.

Marinette swallowed, her tongue heavy like lead. Regret tried to claw its way up her throat, tried to make her laugh and brush it all off, white noise ringing in her ears.

“…A couple of  months.” The words left her quietly, and she slumped with no strength to look at her parents.

In a short, almost non-existent moment, the world stilled. 

Months had passed of Marinette feeling alienated and ostracized, of her feeling completely alone and like she couldn’t go to her parents to talk about her problems.

And almost as soon as the world had stopped, it had started again, as Tom stood from his chair and enveloped his little girl in a tight hug, lifting her from her seat. Marinette wondered if it was to comfort her or himself.

“You won’t stay there,” Sabine said, as soon as Tom had let go of Marinette and sat back down. “We’ll find you a new school and you won’t ever have to step into that place again.” Marinette’s eyes locked with her mother’s, and all she could see was burning determination, the same determination as Marinette would have burning in her eyes as she fought against an akuma.

It was like the weight that had been pressing down on her chest had finally been lifted, leaving her with calming numbness that was reminded of every time she took a deep breath in. Her steps were light as she walked to school next week, 

It was like the weight that had been pressing down on Marinette’s chest, making it hard for her to breathe whenever she was with her parents, had been lifted, leaving her with a calming numbness that she was reminded of every time she took a deep breath in. Her steps were light as she returned to school the next week, and for once Marinette looked at the situation from an outside perspective and forgave herself for everything that she couldn’t do, because she had done what she could.

Still, there was something Marinette felt that she needed to do.

Her eyes hopped from classmate to classmate, until they landed on her, well, former friends. Alya was looking at her phone under the desk, with Mme. Bustier none the wiser to the girl, and Nino was trying (and failing) to understand what Mme. Bustier was saying. Marinette bit her lip, forcing her eyes down onto her tablet.

She would have to pick some new holders. Marinette knew that the distrust she now held towards them would be detrimental in a battle, and with their belief in what Lila says to be as strong as it is, Marinette wasn’t sure if they wouldn’t end up saying something they shouldn’t, especially with Lila’s penchant for becoming akumatized.

It was a conversation that Marinette would have to have with Master Fu later, but for now, she would settle for watching the lives of the people around her pass her by.

-------

There was always a sense of calm and peace that entered Marinette whenever she would go to Master Fu’s sanctuary. She supposed that it made sense, but the cup of green tea nestled in her hands might have helped with that too.

“So, what is it you wish to discuss with me?” Master Fu asked.

Marinette hesitated. She could never quite read what Master Fu was thinking, and now, when all she wanted was his approval, the fear that he might disagree with her choice hung heavy on her shoulders.

“Master Fu, what- what would you do if people were being used,  and you warn them about it, but they won’t listen to you? If they turn against you and hurt you, because they think you’re wrong.” Marinette asked. “…would you stay and continue trying to help them, or would you remove yourself from the situation?”

Master Fu hummed in thought, Wayzz looking worriedly between his holder and Marinette.

“Selflessness versus selfishness. In an ideal world, the choice of being selfless would be best, but…” Master Fu looked at Marinette, her tense posture, her fiddling with her teacup. “It can burn you out, and if you hold a great responsibility, that could be dangerous. We are not meant to only think about others, but ourselves too.”

Marinette let out a sigh, visibly relaxing, and took a sip of her tea.

“May I ask what brought on the question?” Master Fu looked at her patiently as she started to fiddle with her cup once more.

“I’m transferring to a new school… or that’s the goal at least.” Marinette looked down at her tea, seeing her reflection mirrored back at her. “Things haven’t really been going well and I… I’m just really unhappy, and frustrated and-” She let out an agitated sigh. “I was almost akumatized, and I don’t want to risk it by being at a place with people that make me feel miserable.”

Master Fu and Wayzz shared a worried glance at the girl’s explanation. She was right, the risk of her becoming akumatized was not worth it in the situation.

“Then I believe you have made the right decision on the matter.” Master Fu said.

“Surely you aren’t alone.” Wayzz said, and Marinette knew that he was thinking about Nino.

“I’m not entirely sure…” She admitted. “There’s someone in my class who’s… aware of what’s happening, but I don’t think he knows the full extent of it.”

“Have you talked to him about it?” Master Fu asked.

“He believes that we shouldn’t do anything, let the situation solve itself but… it’s been months and it’s only getting worse.” Master Fu nodded in understanding.

“That brings another issue though.” Marinette said, her eyes narrowed, calculating. “Rena Rouge and Carapace, I don’t think I can trust them in battle again.”

Master Fu hummed.

“I trust your decision, and if you believe that Rena Rouge and Carapace are unfit or untrustworthy, then we must find others to wield the Miraculous when the situation arises.”

Wayzz looked saddened by the information, and Marinette felt a little bad about it, but she knew that she couldn’t fight beside Alya and Nino again.

“Would it be possible for us to meditate more regularly as well?” Marinette asked. “I don’t know how long it will take for me to find a new school to attend, and while I’m calmer about the situation now, I’d like to have a few techniques, just in case…”

“Of course.” Master Fu said.  “That would probably be for the best. Come by every Wednesday and we can work on your meditation.”

After that, the invisible weight Marinette had been carrying felt a little lighter, if not just slightly.

-----------

When Marinette came home, she looked at her room in thought. The place was filled with memories, pictures of her and Alya, the class, Kitty Section. So many, and in all of them Marinette looked to be smiling. Now the pictures left a bitter taste in her mouth.

Exhaling, she walked up to one of her walls and started taking down the pictures, one by one, all over her room. Nothing was spared, no note or scrap of paper that even slightly reminded her of why she was so sad to begin with.

Once her walls were cleared, she changed her wallpaper on her computer. When she was completely done, there was nothing to remind her of her classmates, nothing but the memories within the walls. It felt nice.

Opening a drawer, Marinette took out a notebook that she had yet to use and a pen. She climbed up and out onto her balcony, taking a deep breath as the wind caressed her features. Tikki followed her holder quietly, giving Marinette some space.

Marinette sat down on her chair and looked out at the city as the sun was setting. Paris truly was quite a sight. She opened her notebook, the pen hovering over the pages for a moment, and after a shaky exhale, Marinette finally put pen to paper.

Word after word, Marinette started to feel lighter, addressing every single classmate, some letters only being half a page, and others, Marinette felt, went on page, after page, after page.

By the end of it, almost all of the notebook was full, and the sun had completely set.

“Do you think I made the right choice, Tikki?” Marinette’s voice cut through the quiet.

“I think you deserve as much happiness as everyone else Marinette, and if you have to change schools for that, then I think that’s the best decision you could make.” Tikki replied.

“Thank you, Tikki.” Marinette kissed her Kwami’s cheek before climbing back inside her room.

She still had so much to do before she could leave.

-_-_-_-

@pawsitivelymiraculous @trippingovermyfeet @all-mights-asscheeks @justafanwarrior 

[cacoetheswriting]

champagne problems, ch.8

Spencer is in love with you, but you’re engaged to someone else.

Chapter Eight: Wild Love: Spencer gets something off his chest while you’re stuck in a hotel room. A/N: chapter is titled after this song if you want to listen while reading.     Word Count: 1.6k Warnings: cursing, mentions of alcohol consumption, heartbreak, unrequited / unreciprocated love, very angsty, this whole series is a real slow burn babyyy

series masterlist

A/N: y’all are killing me with all the love on this story so far omg. i am so appreciative of every single comment, like, reblog, all the sweet things you say in the tags etc. etc. thank you and i hope you like this chapter (this one turned out to be more conversation than descriptions of feelings/thoughts just fyi) ! x

-

“Since we’re stuck here for the night, how about one more drink?” Luke asked, glancing between the team. “You buying?” Matt teased making everyone else chuckle. Luke rolled his eyes. “If that’s what it takes.”

All flights were grounded due to a heavy snowstorm. This meant that after solving their most recent case, the team were forced to remain on location. At a small bed and breakfast right in the middle of nowhere.

“I’ll have another drink.” Emily stated with a smile. “Sure, why the hell not. It’s not often I get a night away from my boys.” JJ added. Tara also raised her hand, indicating she'll have one more.

All heads turned to you and Spencer. The brunette doctor sat quietly in the corner. Clearly a lot on his mind. You were right by his side, gently resting your head against his shoulder.

A small yawn escaped your lips. “I think I’m gonna call it a night guys.” You said, slowly sitting up. “It’s been a heck of a day, and the bed is calling my name.” The group groaned, but didn't protest. Instead, they all looked to Spencer who seemed to be debating his options.

“What about you Reid?” Luke asked. “Care for another one?”

“Sure. Uh, I’ll walk Y/N to her room and I’ll be right back.” “It’s okay Spencer, stay. I’ll be fine.” You countered while getting up to your feet however, the handsome doctor wasn’t taking no for answer.

Unknown to you, unknown to everyone apart from Penelope, Spencer’s been trying to find the right moment to tell you how he really felt. He spent the last two months debating whether it was a good idea. The idea of telling you he was still in love with you scared the shit out of him because it could go one of two ways:

1. You feel the same way and call off the engagement. The two of you get back together and he spends the rest of his living breathing days making you the happiest woman on earth.

2. You don’t feel the same way and you end up resenting him for lying to you, his confession ruining your friendship.

Either way, someone will end up getting hurt.

“You really didn't have to come with me doctor.” You said stopping outside the door. Spencer shrugged his shoulders, his nose twitching simultaneously. “I wanted to. Plus sitting too long causes a number of health issues. Your leg muscles weaken. Your hip flexors shorten, and it can cause compression on the discs in your spine which can lead to premature degeneration, which results in chronic pain.”

You arched a brow. “So what you’re saying is that you’re really just looking out for yourself?”

“No, I-I, well...” He flustered and you couldn't help but chuckle. “We’ve been friends long enough for you to know when I’m just messing around.” Friends. The word stung. “Right. Sorry.” He glanced down at his shoes.

Sudden concern flooded through you. Gently, you placed a hand on the side of his face, and slowly lifted it back up. “Are you okay honey? You seem a little off, and I hope you don't mind me saying but it’s not just tonight.”

He chewed on the inside of his cheek. Mind racing a million miles an hour. Of course you recognised his odd behaviour. He thought he did a good job at hiding his inner turmoil. Honestly, sometimes he forgets just how well you can read him. He forgets that you know him better than he knows himself.

“I hope you know you can talk to me.” You whispered, tenderly brushing loose strands of his hair away from his face.

The gleam in your eyes was so kindhearted. It was exactly that look that made Spencer think he truly didn't deserve you and that you were better off without him. It was also that look that made Spencer love you even more. The look that made him want to fight for you.

“Do ehm, do you think I could come in?” He asked after a moment of silence.

“Of course.” You let your hand fall back to your side. “Of course you can.”

Soon enough the two of you were sat at the edge of your bed. A noticeably tense atmosphere filled the air. Your eyes were glued to the side of his head, wondering what the hell was going on in that big brain of his, while Spencer looked down at his hands. Which at this point were trembling uncontrollably.

It didn’t take you long to notice, you could practically feel them vibrating against your leg. You reached out, giving them a little squeeze before intertwining your fingers with his.

“What’s going on Spencer? You’re starting to scare me.”

The hazel-eyed man took a deep breath before finally meeting your gaze. His features broken, as if he was about to burst into tears.

“I’ve been lying to you Y/N.” He stated quietly.

You furrowed your brows confused, taken aback by his admission. “W-what? What are you talking about? You’re the most honest man I’ve ever met.” You expressed, but he shook his head. His light curls bouncing perfectly. “I’m not. I’m really not.”

“Spencer.” “Please Y/N, please just… I… I haven’t been honest with you and it’s eating me alive. Usually you would be the person I turn to for advice on these things, but since it involves you… I-I really don’t know what to do.”

“Tell me.”

“It’s not that simple.”

You nodded your head slowly and swallowed your breath. “O-okay. Okay well, uhm… let me ask you this. If you don’t tell me, are you going to continue lying to me?” It was a weighted question which Spencer knew there was no right answer to. “Unfortunately.” He mumbled.

“Then I think, I think it is that simple.”

You were right. Every inch of him screamed you were right. Fuck. How the hell did it come to this? He had no trouble hiding his love for you these last few years.  He couldn’t understand why was it so difficult all of a sudden.

Abruptly, Spencer got to his feet and ran his fingers through his hair. A deep frustrated sigh escaping his lips as he loosened his tie. Your uneasy gaze locked onto him, following his every move. And as he closed his eyes, cracking his neck, you suddenly remembered that the last time he seemed this frazzled was the day the two of you broke up. Your stomach dropped.

“Oh no.” You whispered standing up. “Ohh Spencer.”

He turned on his heel to look at you once again. Your fingers were pressed to your chin, mouth slightly parted. You couldn’t possibly have figured it out?

“You’re breaking up with me.” It seemed like a silly statement considering you weren’t a couple. “I mean, you’re ending our friendship. That’s what this is, right? You don’t want to be my friend anymore and you’ve been lying to me by pretending that you do.” There were noticeable tears in your eyes.

“What? No, no, no. It’s completely the opposite of that.”

“I don’t think I understand. The opposite of-”

“I love you.”

“Well of course, I love you too. You’re my best friend. You’re family.”

“No.” He took a step towards you and cupped your cheeks with his hands. “I’m in love with you Y/N.”

You blinked. Eyelashes fluttering as the realisation of what Spencer just declared washed over you. He saw your lips quaver and your eyes widen. The dots connecting in your mind. All the moments you spent together, the conversations you shared. Everything was running through your mind like a homemade movie, making it impossible it collect your thoughts.

“I know I said I moved on, and that’s where I lied.” Spencer continued as you stared at him, unable to move. “I never moved on Y/N. I tried, believe me I tried. But you are a part of me, a part of my soul. You are the reason I get out of bed in the morning. Seeing you, your smile. Hearing your laughter. Being able to talk to you, and just be around you. Your aura. Everything about you is so intoxicating and I messed up big time letting you go all those years ago.”

Tears began to trail down your cheeks as you bit down on your bottom lip to stop it from trembling. Tiny salty droplets that Spencer slowly wiped away using his thumbs.

“I never said anything because I wanted to be there for you, first and foremost, in whatever way you needed me. I wanted to remain in your life after we broke up because your friendship means the world to me. I guess I thought-t, I hoped that maybe one day we’d get back together. And I know it’s unfair for me to lay all of this on you now, I know. And I’m sorry, I can’t keep it to myself anymore. You, I think you deserve to know.”

Quiet sobs filled the room. Your whole body was now shaking under his touch. Heart aching. It felt like you couldn't breathe.

All you ever wanted was for Spencer to love you. All you ever wanted was for him to tell you that he made a mistake all those years ago and that the two of you belong together. 

“P-please say something.” His plea was barely a whisper.

All you ever wanted.

“I-I.. Spencer, I...”

You finally got all you ever wanted. The brunette doctor was standing in front of you professing his love, and yet it felt like he just stabbed you in the back. His declaration, those three cursed words you dreamt so long ago to hear come out of his lips again. It felt like the ultimate betrayal.

Don't know what to say to you now Standing right in front of you

-

A/N: FINALLY A LOVE CONFESSION ! honestly this chapter was a little hard for me to write... it took me a while to actually sit down to it and actually be happy with what i wrote idk BUT i hope you liked it and as always i’d love to hear your feedback! if you would like to be added to a taglist, please let me know. thank you for your continuous support. with love, mal. x

masterlist | series masterlist | series playlist

story taglist: @girloncorneliastreet, @haylaansmi, @rexorangecouny, @l0ve-0f-my-life, @obsssedwithjustaboutanything, @aperrywilliams, @sassy-hades, @rainsong01, @reverdevivre, @dracomikaelson, @softieekayy, @lunaofcrows, @andrewhoezierbyrne​, @blameitonthenight21, @lyl-26, @do-yr-research, @nazifa94, @stepsofthefbi, @chatterbug2-0

spencer reid taglist: @no-honey-no​, @calm-and-doctor​, @idroppedmygourd​​, @averyhotchner​

[usagi-mitsu]

Prompt #14 Commend

Speaking about ones feelings is hard. In some cases, it‘s harder. But this conversation had been long overdue - and had not gotten easier with time…

@sea-wolf-coast-to-coast // #ffxivwrite2021

Prompt #14 Commend

A continuation of Prompt #8 Friable.

Leaving the spoils of Shia‘s day out in the field behind, the two of them looked for a quiet room. Yes. Everybody was aware of the tensions between them. That did not mean they needed to hear them arguing. Or whatever else might occur.

G‘raha for one hoped they might clear the air. It had been abundantly clear that they needed to talk. Be it how she acted around him or much more, how she tried to avoid his company all together. He had been taken by surprise when she had showed up the day prior, asking if he could lend her an ear or both. That she initiated it was a heaven-sent – he had no idea how to start the conversation to begin with. And he had seemingly even less of an idea about how to have it. Which had ended with her shoving a chair and storming out on him. Half the Rising Stones witnessed it as he had tried to follow, to reason. But that had only enraged her further. She had then been gone for another day and a half. Had Thancred not told him she was back, G‘Raha wouldn‘t have noticed for probably another day or so.

They finally found a quiet space in the back of their headquarters. The front still was a tavern after all and the insides where they resided now had belonged to it, serving as guestbooks and conference areas of sort. But with Mor Dhona not exactly having been a tourist attraction or a centre of commerce (at least not before the Scions arrived), the owner of the tavern gladly offered the space to Minfilla, when she asked.

The rooms walls had been hidden behind bookshelves, with a couch in the back. Where there should have been a pool table though, they found just a simple wooden desk with two chairs. It did feel a bit like they were about to interrogate each other.

Shia knew how to remedy that though. Her eyes searched and found one of the shelves, where she pulled out a thick book.

„Whisky?“

Opening it, the insides revealed not the contents of „The Ishgardian-Limsan Sex and Cook Book and How to Raise Morbols“, but two glasses and a bottle filled with a golden liquid.

G‘Raha simply nodded.

„Do I want to know how you know about this?“

She grinned while pouring. „Thancred and I have had our arguments over the years. This is one of the things we agree on and whenever either of us needs some me-time or if we have to discuss things and such, we get this. And then we discuss. Or just drink. It depends on the topic. And the one having the last of it, has to replace the bottle. It‘s quite the convenient arrangement.“

„I can tell.“

A careful sniff on the glass almost curled his nose hair backwards. This was strong stuff.

„To us,“ Shia sat down and raised her drink. He joined her at the table, clinking his glass to hers.

„To us.“

For a minute they were just silent. The taste of the whisky had caught G‘raha off of his guard – even though he had thoroughly taken in it‘s scent before. He needed that minute to stop coughing.

„You know you are not supposed to inhale this, right? It‘s for drinking.“

The grin in Shia‘s voice was hard to overhear.

„Please don‘t mind me,“ he replied the moment he could catch his breath, „I‘m just the one with the body that hasn‘t had any alcohol in months.“

„I‘m sorry,“ Shia amended, „I promise to consider my words more carefully from now on … well. At least for this conversation.“

And they were back on topic.

„I‘m sorry for yesterday. I had hoped to speak to you about this much earlier, but I never had the courage to do so.“ Shia kept her voice as quiet and controlled as she could, even though the thought of speaking her thoughts out loud made her want to scream and run away. Running away from her problems though had never solved them. Or it had at least that one time when they were running from the brass blades and-

She shook her head. Stay on topic!

G‘Raha seemingly hadn‘t noticed her thoughts trailing off. „Thank you for initiating. I realise that this is not an easy conversation and I commend you for starting it. I would like to apologise for not being in the right mindset yesterday. This could have gone far better.“

„It wasn‘t your fault alone. As I mentioned before, my ego is brittle and you managed to hit some spots that I was hoping you would not. Then again… you were right and I should not have reacted like this.“

„Your ego is not brittle,“ he deliberately took another sip from his glass, „if it was, I highly doubt people like Lolorito or Varis zos Galvus would still be walking this earth.“

„You forget that Varis has kicked the bucked a few weeks ago.“

„Not by your hand.“

„But I would have loved to be the one to do it.“

„You should tell Zenos whenever you next meet him.“

Shia cackled. „Yes. I‘ll say „how dare you kill your father and not letting me do it“! And he might even apologise before trying to kill me – again.“

„You just occupy a very special place in his hear. He adores you, or so I have heard.“

„He is a homicidal maniac with a tendency to gut people, overthrow empires and burn countries to the ground but sure. Let‘s say he adores me. Perhaps I should ask him for a ring and a ceremony of eternal bonding and then we have a „Kill Jill“ style fight on our wedding night. Might end this whole world ending business early.“

„And what about Fandaniel?“

„He can be our target practice instead of having a cake?“

„Sounds lovely.“

„Yeah…“

The two of them fell silent once more.

Shia was the one bring them back to their previous conversation topic.

„Right. So. If I may, I would like to just… I would like to just say what‘s been on my mind? If that is ok? It‘s a lot and I know we don‘t have all the time in the world and we-„

„Shia,“ G‘Raha leaned forward. Very gently he took her hand in his. „We will take all the time we need to get this right. All that matters is the outcome, alright?“

She nodded.

And finally spilled it all.

What she had felt for him when they had been researching the Crystal Tower. How she felt when he decided to lock himself away. How Haurchefant and the Scions had helped her get him off of her mind.

About the feelings she had been hiding form a certain Lord Commander and how she had hoped to finally be over him, when he „decided“ to just barge back into her life and rescue her from the battlefield.

About her fear and dread as the Scions, her closest and possibly only real friends in this world, slipped away one after another with no cure or solution in sight.

Her anger and hatred towards the Crystal Exarch, as he was the one responsible for her fears and worries.

How she came to care about him against her own better judgement.

How it hurt when he tried to safe her, only for him to get abducted by her fiercest enemy. She told him about the relief and happiness at his return.

What that night in the pendants truly meant to her.

And about the hurt and anger at his refusal to be together with her, when he had clearly stated that he felt just the same.

How afraid of loosing him she was once more, when she saw him half encased in crystal. And how it broke her heart to see him die then and there atop the tower.

About her reservations before merging his memories with his younger body.

And finally about how all of this hurt. That it hurt so much, she still wasn‘t able to think clearly about it all.

„You were gone. Then you were back. Then you pushed me away. And then you almost died, actually died and now you are back and now you continuously follow me on my missions – you reenacted our very first meeting, Raha! I just… I just can‘t. And it‘s not like this is the only thing on my mind: I‘m still helping out at the Bozjan southern front. The fourth imperial legion is a nightmare to deal with. And don‘t let me get started with Gaius‘ family troubles-“

„Gaius as in… van Baelsar?“ G‘Raha had not dared interrupt her until now, but this one thing he needed confirmed.

„The one and only.“

„I would like to hear more about that when we have finished this conversation, if you don‘t mind. It sounds… interesting.“

„I‘ll tell you all about it – afterwards.“ Shia groaned and hid her face in her hands. „So… to sum it up… these last few weeks, months have been an emotional roller coaster for me. I love you. I want to love you. But I don‘t know what you feel and you have not exactly been forthcoming about it. To distract myself I jumped into work and just… I didn’t want to think about this. I really didn‘t. I still don‘t want to. Having this conversation is overdue, but I‘m so afraid of what comes next. I‘m so afraid, Raha. And then again I‘m not even sure if I should like you! You are the one responsible for almost loosing my best friends – my family! And you almost killed yourself with your plan and-“

Her last words were drowned out by a sob and to G’Rahas horror she began to cry.

„And… and all of that on top of us having to save the world.“

Her last words were almost inaudible. Thick tears rolled form her baby blue eyes while she kept on sobbing uncontrollably.

G‘Raha wasn‘t sure what to do, but he followed his instincts. He was quicker on his feet than he thought he could be and had his arms around her within the blink of an eye.

And for a few minutes they just stood there, arm in arm with Shia sobbing uncontrollably into his shoulder.

After everything she had just told him, after having to bottle all of this up, it wasn‘t really a surprise to him. Had she ever allowed herself to be vulnerable with anyone before? Like this? Not just speaking about her worries for the politics and battles fo the world. But also about her worries, feelings, hopes and dreams?

„I‘m here,“ he whispered, „I‘m here Shia. Iti‘s ok. I‘m here.“ It was all he could do: Reassuring her, that she was not alone. That she did not need to suffer on her own. That it would be ok.

Shia gripped him tighter and only let go after what felt like an eternity.

„I‘m sorry…“ she sniffed and looked at him. Her eyes were swollen, her cheeks puffy and red. She had probably worn at least some mascara, which now outlined that path of her tears across her face to her chin.

„No… I‘m sorry. I can‘t really take the blame for all the things that happened in the world, but at least for my part in it… yet…“ he took a deep breath and tightened his hold around her, „to be frank, I think I would do it all again if I had to.“

She nodded, still sniffling.

„The world depended on it. And I would not be here, if you hadn‘t done it… So being mad about that is actually a bit stupid.“

„It is by no means stupid.“

„Let‘s just agree on that. But…“ Shia looked up, brows furrowed, „where do we go from here?“

They were still locked in a tight embrace. His shoulder wet with her tears and her eyes seemingly ready to spill over once again at a moments notice.

The two of them exchanged uncertain glances. A moment went by. And then another. Until G‘raha gently let go.

„I cannot say that I am good at any of this,“ he confessed, „but how about we start where everything should start? Right at the beginning?“

Shia must have looked more than confused, but he smiled and grabbed her hand.

„My name is G‘Raha Tia. I am over 300 years old and have lived through at least one apocalypse. My body though belongs to the 24 years old me from this timeline – did I mention I‘m from another time and another dimension?“

Shia giggled.

„I am now a member of the Scions of the Seventh Dawn. It is my wish to support them in their every endeavour to protect the interests of this star. My idol is the Warrior of Light, a fierce fighter committed to the protection of their star. Fighting alongside them is my dearest wish.“

He paused.

„And whom do I have the pleasure with?“

It took her a moment to respond. But when she finally did, she did so with a smile.

„I‘m Shia Tamriel, Warrior of Light and resident trouble maker. But you can call me Shia.“

„It‘s a pleasure.“

It would be a new beginning. A fresh start. And finally, they would continue on together.

A continuation of Prompt #8 Friable.

Leaving the spoils of Shia‘s day out in the field behind, the two of them looked for a quiet room. Yes. Everybody was aware of the tensions between them. That did not mean they needed to hear them arguing. Or whatever else might occur.

G‘raha for one hoped they might clear the air. It had been abundantly clear that they needed to talk. Be it how she acted around him or much more, how she tried to avoid his company all together. He had been taken by surprise when she had showed up the day prior, asking if he could lend her an ear or both. That she initiated it was a heaven-sent – he had no idea how to start the conversation to begin with. And he had seemingly even less of an idea about how to have it. Which had ended with her shoving a chair and storming out on him. Half the Rising Stones witnessed it as he had tried to follow, to reason. But that had only enraged her further. She had then been gone for another day and a half. Had Thancred not told him she was back, G‘Raha wouldn‘t have noticed for probably another day or so.

They finally found a quiet space in the back of their headquarters. The front still was a tavern after all and the insides where they resided now had belonged to it, serving as guestbooks and conference areas of sort. But with Mor Dhona not exactly having been a tourist attraction or a centre of commerce (at least not before the Scions arrived), the owner of the tavern gladly offered the space to Minfilla, when she asked.

The rooms walls had been hidden behind bookshelves, with a couch in the back. Where there should have been a pool table though, they found just a simple wooden desk with two chairs. It did feel a bit like they were about to interrogate each other.

Shia knew how to remedy that though. Her eyes searched and found one of the shelves, where she pulled out a thick book.

„Whisky?“

Opening it, the insides revealed not the contents of „The Ishgardian-Limsan Sex and Cook Book and How to Raise Morbols“, but two glasses and a bottle filled with a golden liquid.

G‘Raha simply nodded.

„Do I want to know how you know about this?“

She grinned while pouring. „Thancred and I have had our arguments over the years. This is one of the things we agree on and whenever either of us needs some me-time or if we have to discuss things and such, we get this. And then we discuss. Or just drink. It depends on the topic. And the one having the last of it, has to replace the bottle. It‘s quite the convenient arrangement.“

„I can tell.“

A careful sniff on the glass almost curled his nose hair backwards. This was strong stuff.

„To us,“ Shia sat down and raised her drink. He joined her at the table, clinking his glass to hers.

„To us.“

For a minute they were just silent. The taste of the whisky had caught G‘raha off of his guard – even though he had thoroughly taken in it‘s scent before. He needed that minute to stop coughing.

„You know you are not supposed to inhale this, right? It‘s for drinking.“

The grin in Shia‘s voice was hard to overhear.

„Please don‘t mind me,“ he replied the moment he could catch his breath, „I‘m just the one with the body that hasn‘t had any alcohol in months.“

„I‘m sorry,“ Shia amended, „I promise to consider my words more carefully from now on … well. At least for this conversation.“

And they were back on topic.

„I‘m sorry for yesterday. I had hoped to speak to you about this much earlier, but I never had the courage to do so.“ Shia kept her voice as quiet and controlled as she could, even though the thought of speaking her thoughts out loud made her want to scream and run away. Running away from her problems though had never solved them. Or it had at least that one time when they were running from the brass blades and-

She shook her head. Stay on topic!

G‘Raha seemingly hadn‘t noticed her thoughts trailing off. „Thank you for initiating. I realise that this is not an easy conversation and I commend you for starting it. I would like to apologise for not being in the right mindset yesterday. This could have gone far better.“

„It wasn‘t your fault alone. As I mentioned before, my ego is brittle and you managed to hit some spots that I was hoping you would not. Then again… you were right and I should not have reacted like this.“

„Your ego is not brittle,“ he deliberately took another sip from his glass, „if it was, I highly doubt people like Lolorito or Varis zos Galvus would still be walking this earth.“

„You forget that Varis has kicked the bucked a few weeks ago.“

„Not by your hand.“

„But I would have loved to be the one to do it.“

„You should tell Zenos whenever you next meet him.“

Shia cackled. „Yes. I‘ll say „how dare you kill your father and not letting me do it“! And he might even apologise before trying to kill me – again.“

„You just occupy a very special place in his hear. He adores you, or so I have heard.“

„He is a homicidal maniac with a tendency to gut people, overthrow empires and burn countries to the ground but sure. Let‘s say he adores me. Perhaps I should ask him for a ring and a ceremony of eternal bonding and then we have a „Kill Jill“ style fight on our wedding night. Might end this whole world ending business early.“

„And what about Fandaniel?“

„He can be our target practice instead of having a cake?“

„Sounds lovely.“

„Yeah…“

The two of them fell silent once more.

Shia was the one bring them back to their previous conversation topic.

„Right. So. If I may, I would like to just… I would like to just say what‘s been on my mind? If that is ok? It‘s a lot and I know we don‘t have all the time in the world and we-„

„Shia,“ G‘Raha leaned forward. Very gently he took her hand in his. „We will take all the time we need to get this right. All that matters is the outcome, alright?“

She nodded.

And finally spilled it all.

What she had felt for him when they had been researching the Crystal Tower. How she felt when he decided to lock himself away. How Haurchefant and the Scions had helped her get him off of her mind.

About the feelings she had been hiding form a certain Lord Commander and how she had hoped to finally be over him, when he „decided“ to just barge back into her life and rescue her from the battlefield.

About her fear and dread as the Scions, her closest and possibly only real friends in this world, slipped away one after another with no cure or solution in sight.

Her anger and hatred towards the Crystal Exarch, as he was the one responsible for her fears and worries.

How she came to care about him against her own better judgement.

How it hurt when he tried to safe her, only for him to get abducted by her fiercest enemy. She told him about the relief and happiness at his return.

What that night in the pendants truly meant to her.

And about the hurt and anger at his refusal to be together with her, when he had clearly stated that he felt just the same.

How afraid of loosing him she was once more, when she saw him half encased in crystal. And how it broke her heart to see him die then and there atop the tower.

About her reservations before merging his memories with his younger body.

And finally about how all of this hurt. That it hurt so much, she still wasn‘t able to think clearly about it all.

„You were gone. Then you were back. Then you pushed me away. And then you almost died, actually died and now you are back and now you continuously follow me on my missions – you reenacted our very first meeting, Raha! I just… I just can‘t. And it‘s not like this is the only thing on my mind: I‘m still helping out at the Bozjan southern front. The fourth imperial legion is a nightmare to deal with. And don‘t let me get started with Gaius‘ family troubles-“

„Gaius as in… van Baelsar?“ G‘Raha had not dared interrupt her until now, but this one thing he needed confirmed.

„The one and only.“

„I would like to hear more about that when we have finished this conversation, if you don‘t mind. It sounds… interesting.“

„I‘ll tell you all about it – afterwards.“ Shia groaned and hid her face in her hands. „So… to sum it up… these last few weeks, months have been an emotional roller coaster for me. I love you. I want to love you. But I don‘t know what you feel and you have not exactly been forthcoming about it. To distract myself I jumped into work and just… I didn’t want to think about this. I really didn‘t. I still don‘t want to. Having this conversation is overdue, but I‘m so afraid of what comes next. I‘m so afraid, Raha. And then again I‘m not even sure if I should like you! You are the one responsible for almost loosing my best friends – my family! And you almost killed yourself with your plan and-“

Her last words were drowned out by a sob and to G’Rahas horror she began to cry.

„And… and all of that on top of us having to save the world.“

Her last words were almost inaudible. Thick tears rolled form her baby blue eyes while she kept on sobbing uncontrollably.

G‘Raha wasn‘t sure what to do, but he followed his instincts. He was quicker on his feet than he thought he could be and had his arms around her within the blink of an eye.

And for a few minutes they just stood there, arm in arm with Shia sobbing uncontrollably into his shoulder.

After everything she had just told him, after having to bottle all of this up, it wasn‘t really a surprise to him. Had she ever allowed herself to be vulnerable with anyone before? Like this? Not just speaking about her worries for the politics and battles fo the world. But also about her worries, feelings, hopes and dreams?

„I‘m here,“ he whispered, „I‘m here Shia. Iti‘s ok. I‘m here.“ It was all he could do: Reassuring her, that she was not alone. That she did not need to suffer on her own. That it would be ok.

Shia gripped him tighter and only let go after what felt like an eternity.

„I‘m sorry…“ she sniffed and looked at him. Her eyes were swollen, her cheeks puffy and red. She had probably worn at least some mascara, which now outlined that path of her tears across her face to her chin.

„No… I‘m sorry. I can‘t really take the blame for all the things that happened in the world, but at least for my part in it… yet…“ he took a deep breath and tightened his hold around her, „to be frank, I think I would do it all again if I had to.“

She nodded, still sniffling.

„The world depended on it. And I would not be here, if you hadn‘t done it… So being mad about that is actually a bit stupid.“

„It is by no means stupid.“

„Let‘s just agree on that. But…“ Shia looked up, brows furrowed, „where do we go from here?“

They were still locked in a tight embrace. His shoulder wet with her tears and her eyes seemingly ready to spill over once again at a moments notice.

The two of them exchanged uncertain glances. A moment went by. And then another. Until G‘raha gently let go.

„I cannot say that I am good at any of this,“ he confessed, „but how about we start where everything should start? Right at the beginning?“

Shia must have looked more than confused, but he smiled and grabbed her hand.

„My name is G‘Raha Tia. I am over 300 years old and have lived through at least one apocalypse. My body though belongs to the 24 years old me from this timeline – did I mention I‘m from another time and another dimension?“

Shia giggled.

„I am now a member of the Scions of the Seventh Dawn. It is my wish to support them in their every endeavour to protect the interests of this star. My idol is the Warrior of Light, a fierce fighter committed to the protection of their star. Fighting alongside them is my dearest wish.“

He paused.

„And whom do I have the pleasure with?“

It took her a moment to respond. But when she finally did, she did so with a smile.

„I‘m Shia Tamriel, Warrior of Light and resident trouble maker. But you can call me Shia.“

„It‘s a pleasure.“

It would be a new beginning. A fresh start. And finally, they would continue on together.

[chocoluckchipz]

A Soulmate for Christmas - 3

< Previous

"Dupain-Cheng. We need to talk."

Marinette stopped breathing, sinking deeper under the desk. 

Chloe groaned and took a few steps away. "Don't make me get down there and drag you out. And next time, make sure you aren't hiding right in front of a mirror. Be thankful I didn't out you to Adrien."

Marinette glared at her reflection peeking out from a corner of the mostly covered mirror she’d failed to notice. 

"I suppose you want my gratitude for your generosity?" she huffed, climbing out of her hiding spot to face her old nemesis.

"I’ll do without, but let’s make one thing clear—I did it for Adrien, not you."

"Oh really? I fail to see how this benefits him since, you know, he wanted to find me."

Chloe smirked and looked Kagami’s way. Marinette followed her gaze, only now noticing how intently Kagami was watching her. 

"So, this is her?"

"Unfortunately."

Matching smirks on their lips, Kagami’s eyes held restrained curiosity. Chloe’s? Disbelief. 

Marinette could feel the weight of their judgement increase with each passing second. She scoffed. This crap was tiring to deal with back in the lycée. Now it wasn’t even worth the fight. "Listen, I doubt either of you want me to come in and mess up whatever thing you three have going on, so how about you tell Adrien you mistook me for someone else, the waitress he spoke to was not Marinette Dupain-Cheng, and we all walk our separate ways?"

Kagami folded her arms over her chest, arching an eyebrow. "What about Adrien?"

"What about him?"

"He’s your soulmate."

"He’s engaged to you."

"Did you hear anything we said here?"

"Didn’t have much of a choice."

"Then, you’re aware that we’re faking it. There is nothing but friendship between us."

"So I’ve heard."

"And you still want to walk away?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"She’s always been weird," Chloe snipped. "Adrien deserves better."

Marinette scoffed. "No one deserves a soulmate who humiliates them in front of the whole country."

"You can’t really pick your soulmate, you know," Kagami said. 

"But I can walk away from one who respects neither me nor our bond. Fake or not, he chose to be with you. I’m not going to interfere. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to get back work." 

Kagami grabbed Marinette’s hand before she could take a step. "You don’t understand. It’s not something he’s doing because he doesn’t respect or want you. Adrien’s practically saving my life with this, risking everything he ever wanted to do so."

Marinette almost laughed. "How is fake dating saving your life, Mlle Tsurugi? Fake dating is for fiction, a good book for a lonely evening or a movie to laugh with friends about. In the real world, in our modern society, it's irrelevant. And especially for someone as powerful and influential as you. You don't need to fake date. You can just say a word and all your problems will float away."

Kagami’s grip on Marinette’s hand tightened as she seethed through her teeth. "You have no idea what you’re talking about."

"Oh, don’t I? I’ve spent enough years in the same class with Chloe to see how people in your circle solve their problems."

"You shouldn’t put everyone in the same basket." Chloe stepped in, wrapping her arm around Kagami’s shoulder. She leaned closer to Kagami, their cheeks starting to glow at the contact, Kagami’s with a bee mark, Chloe’s with a dragon. 

To say Marinette was surprised was an understatement. 

"Just because we live in different circles doesn’t mean our lives are easy or that our problems always go away with a snap of our fingers," Chloe continued. "If you want to think of me like that, fine. Whatever. But not Adrien and certainly not Kagami." 

"I still fail to see the reason why someone would need to fake date." 

Before Chloe could start talking, Kagami cut her off with a wave of her hand. "Marinette, would you mind hearing me out? If you still want to walk away after what I have to tell you, neither of us will stop you."

Perhaps, this was the quickest way to get this over with. Maybe, she was curious herself as to what was going on between the three of them. Whatever it was, Marinette pulled up a chair, sat down and waited.

Kagami settled on a couch while Chloe leaned on its arm. "I was born and raised in Japan in a very conservative family where traditions were the law and whoever broke them was excommunicated forever. When I was fifteen, my mother and I moved to France, and I got to know the more liberal approach to life the French follow. I met Adrien through our parents’ business dealings. We became friends, and for the first time ever, someone could understand me, the life I was living, and the feelings I was suppressing. He wasn’t in any better of a situation at the time, but at least I was allowed to attend a private school. Adrien was kept locked inside his mansion. Later, I met Chloe and discovered the soulmate bond we shared. I was happy for the first time in my life. That is until my mother decided I had to marry one of her business partners’ sons for the sake of the family’s interests."

"A much older male," Chloe scoffed, scratching her nose. "Disgusting."

"Fifteen years older," Kagami confirmed. "And he lives in Japan which meant I would be forced to move back and lose not only my friends but also my soulmate. I would be expected to be an obedient, silent wife for the rest of my life, confined to looking after the house and birthing as many children as my husband wished."

"Ridiculous!" Chloe huffed. "Utterly ridiculous."

Kagami patted Chloe’s hand in a comforting gesture. "Perhaps if I’d never moved to France I would have gone along with her plans without complaining. However, after I had a taste of freedom and saw how happy I can be, I knew I couldn’t give up all of this. Give up Adrien and Chloe. Give up my dreams for the future. So, I panicked and said I was already secretly dating someone and didn’t tell her only because I wanted to make sure it was serious. Mother would’ve never agreed to let me stay if that person wasn’t from her list of approved potential spouses. A list made up of very influential and wealthy people. Adrien was one of them."

"He’s on the list of every Parisian mother." Chloe huffed. "Sucks to be him."

"I couldn’t say Chloe’s name," Kagami continued. "Mother isn't against same-sex relationships, but she considers them just ‘practice’ for the ‘real ones’ because, apparently,  I need a man as a life partner."

"As I said, ridiculous."

"So, I said Adrien’s name, then begged him to play along. We never thought it would get out of our circle. We even developed a plan for how to get me out unscathed and free. Adrien and I were supposed to only play a couple until my birthday in November when I became a legal adult by Japanese law. When that happened, I started transferring my funds to accounts my mother had no access to so I could walk away freely. But that takes time, and two weeks ago she found out and demanded an explanation for the transactions. She threatened to send me back to Japan immediately if she didn’t approve of what I had in mind. The transfers weren’t done yet and she had enough influence to stop it.

"I freaked out again and said Adrien and I were getting married, so I was gathering my personal funds into my own account that I planned to join with my husband’s after the wedding. I told her we were waiting for a special occasion to announce the engagement. She wasn’t buying it. She gave me a week to prove my words. She put a hold on all the transfers until then. It was Adrien who suggested we take it to the media. That way, she wouldn't doubt us, and she’d be somewhat pressured to let me stay in France, at least for the time being. Once the article was out, my mother released the funds, and as of last night, I’m a free woman.

"No one was ever going to announce an engagement. My things are being packed as we speak while my mother and I are out of the house. I won’t be going home with her. I’m moving in with Chloe, and, thanks to Adrien, I’m not doing so without a penny to my name. Adrien never meant to hurt you. He never looked any other woman's way. All he wanted was to help a friend." 

There wasn’t much Marinette could do but remain frozen in her seat, stunned at Kagami’s words. Her defences down, she hated to admit that everything Kagami had said made sense. There was a reason. A reason good enough to justify this whole thing. She couldn't hold this against Adrien. Heck, if any of Marinette’s friends were in Kagami’s shoes, she’d be fake proposing to them too. So, if everything that Kagami had told her was true, then…

"Marinette," Kagami spoke more gently, watching her with a lot less hostility. "For as long as I’ve known Adrien, every summer, every vacation he got, he was travelling to Milan, attending every fashion show and just wandering the streets in hopes of finding you. He painted over and publicly revealed his soulmate mark only because he’s desperate at this point. His father’s been pressuring him to date for publicity for years. He gave him a break when he thought we were a couple, but that ends tonight. And let me tell you, Gabriel Agreste is not the person to care for Adrien’s feelings and desires. He’ll make his life a living hell if Adrien continues to refuse to comply. Please, Marinette. Give him a chance. He deserves it."

"I’m giving him your number as a Christmas present tomorrow," Chloe spoke up. "You have until then to think about it. Let’s go, Kagami. It’s time to set Adrien free and show the world who your soulmate truly is."

"Right." Kagami stood up, giving Marinette one last glance. "The choice is yours, but you’d be a fool to walk away from a man like him. They don’t come as kind, loyal and loving as he is these days."

The door behind the pair closed, leaving only the sound of Marinette’s heart echoing in her ears. She could hardly move. If everything she’d just learned was true, she owed Adrien an apology and, if he wanted one, she owed him a chance. Because while she would definitely want a chance with the man Kagami had just described, she had to wonder if she deserved one at all. 

With a sigh, she stood up and headed back towards the kitchen. 

Later. She’d find him later. First, she had a job to finish and sweets to serve. The rest would have to wait. They’d waited for years. What would be another few hours?

Next >

Read it on A03 FF.net WattPad

Buy the author a Ko-fi for Christmas

[queensdivas]

Peonies Chapter 8

It has been a while since I've posted about Grigor or The Great. Y'all I have been busy with finals and another fic on archive that has been my favorite thing to write. If you've ever watched The Terror from AMC then you'll enjoy this.

But I haven't forgot about one of my favorite fics. Never.

Other than that! Here we go after weeks of not writing.

Previous Chapter

Masterlist

The idea of falling asleep after today just sounds nauseating. Seeing the horrors in front of me then coming back to my apartment for Peter wanting to kill me. Then for Grigor to storm off due to the fact that he thought I would lay with my own cousin by marriage. Yes I’m well aware that’s still a common practice amongst the Monarchs of the world but not in my book!

Turning my head to watch the flames slowly begin to die down before my eyes. The room was beginning to spiral into that infamous Russian cold. I didn’t feel like throwing another log on since part of me thinks I deserve to be in the wintry world that I have chosen to live in.

This plan for making Catherine the ruler of all Russia is becoming stale. What have we done that’s been achievable anyhow! Go to the front to feed a bunch of soldiers! You saw what happened when I alone tried to help Peter! Catherine influenced a new Patriarch yet the women of the court still find Catherine to be an annoyance. There has been absolutely no effort or somewhat change Catherine has done to make things more in her favor. God she is a child thrown into a world that she has no idea what she's doing. Although I should be guiding...but...

What good am I doing here! I feel as if I’m just now a fuck toy for Grigor to feel a womens touch since his wife is with the Emporer on a daily basis! Throwing the blanket off me to march over to the nearest vase and chuck it across the room!

A screech left my body as I cleared everything off the vanity onto the floor. I could feel the blood rushing through me for this anger to spiral out of control! This stupid country! Grabbing a book to throw it against the wall!

THIS STUPID COUNTRY!

HOW CAN ONE FUCKING BELONG TO THIS COURT!

HOW CAN ONE SINGLE HUMAN BE SUCH AN ABSOLUTE MORON! AND YES THAT HUMAN IS ME!

WHY DOESN’T HE TRUST ME!

I’M NOT HIS WIFE!

THIS STUPID GOD DAMN COUNTRY!

IT’S MAKING ME QUESTION EVERY SINGLE THREAD OF INSANITY I HAVE BECAUSE THE MAN I’M BEGINNING TO FALL FOR HAS MAJOR TRUST ISSUES! CAN’T HE SEE THAT I AM A ONE MAN ONE WOMEN SORT OF WOMAN!

YES I’M A WHORE TO A MAR….

Huh...would you look at that Chiara? All because he lit a fire under your own ass because everyone else around you stays clear of it.

I…..

I feel nothing….

Maybe the cold will make me feel something in this empty body. Grabbing the handles of the window to pull them out. They smacked against the walls for the wind to soar through my room. It flew through my hair for the first few seconds for it to stop. The cold swaddled me up but I didn’t move from the window.

I do not deserve the things I have been given in life. For I am a cold hearted bitch with almost no remorse in my actions. I could possibly kill a hundred people and proclaim it to be for the greater good. No sense of remorse or sadness.

How could Grigor want to love someone as vile as me..I am cold..evil. Someone like me doesn’t deserve the warm embrace of what love is. This lust is beginning to form into the most dangerous tool one can have in their life. For it can bring life and destroy it in a matter of seconds.

I miss his touch..the way his fingers would glide across my arm as we snuggled together on the bed. The way he kissed my forehead after a long time of making love. Him showing me his drawings and I know he’s drawing me in my sleep! It hurts to feel this sort of way! I don’t want to feel anything! This feeling is almost heart wrenching and...beautiful.

My breathing began to choke till the only warmth that was on my body was the singular tear that had escaped my eye. I’m not a crier. Though we Italians embrace our emotions and turn it into something beautiful, I think this tear is a sense of relief. If I didn’t feel anything. I wouldn’t be whimpering in front of an open window.

A gentle beat from the door echoed through my room as I didn’t even move. If Peter was sending his soldiers to kill me I get the feeling there would be no knock. Please let it be Grigor. I need to feel his touch and tell him the truth. Not all of it but at least enough that I don’t spoil my plans for Catherine.

I closed the window to hurry over to the fire and toss a log in. If it’s Grigor then he probably would prefer something a little warmer. Please him please. Grabbing my robe to put it on as I opened the door. My eyes expanded from the confusion of who was standing before me in my bed robes.

“Elizabeth?” Well if she was coming to kill me I imagine my room has some sort of secret entrance and would’ve done it in my sleep.

“I hope I didn't disturb you. I think we need to have a little chat.”

“We do?” Dear God if Peter opened his mouth about what he started and what I finished I’m going to go kill him myself!

“Yes. May I come in?” Taking a step back for the door to open. She was in her bed clothes as she noticed the mess I had made in my room.

“The work of Peter no less?” I kept my mouth shut for once waiting for her to say something more. She’s going to defend Peter as much as she can. Probably for his own father who I imagine she secretly loved. From my understanding Peter the Great was also quite promiscuous just like his mother. A family of harlots.

“I heard from Peter what happened here early today. I highly doubt that you called him a bastard since he can be quite over dramatic.” So she’s aware that he’s a sniffling bastard whose inability to rule is quite prominent.

“Not talking much tonight are you? Usually you have a comment to say if I were in here talking about Peter.”

“For once Elizabeth. I could truly give a shit about Peter and his antics. I’m not here to please him and make him happy. I’m here for Catherine and making her more comfortable with her new station.” Try not to think that we might kill her own Nephew in a good amount of time. If not by Catherine then by the military.

“You’re not angry that he was in here and wanted to kill you?” She sat down in front of the fire in the love seat for me to stand before here.

“Your nephew. My cousin by marriage is a harmless little bug in my life Elizabeth. His actions were not even worth a single drop of sweat from my brow.”

“Did the stabbing of a major General not scare you? As an outsider I thought it would have scared you horribly.”

“Not scared. More gasping which then leads to utter annoyance. I am more than capable of handling Peter when he’s in a state of anger trying to kill me. What do you even want because I would like some sort of rest.”

“Be more gentle when it comes..

“Just because his mother was a horrid woman does not excuse his actions Elizabeth! That’s saying Zeus should be considered a kind man even though he raped Leda because of his own mental state. Peter thinks of him as Zeus when in reality he is worse than Hades himself! Life is horrid Elizabeth and constantly blaming his issues on his mother is disgusting and you standing here trying to defend him holds you accountable for his actions.”

“What an interesting comparison. You are a very bright woman and that wicked tongue is able to strike anyone down.”

“I can strike down anyone with tongue and steel.” Taking in a sharp breath to walk over to a full bottle of sweet red wine.

“Would you like a glass?” Asking for her to nod. Popping off the court to grab two glasses then bringing two glasses over for us. Sitting down across from here to begin pouring her a glass. She motioned for me to stop for me to pour myself some as well.

“I apologise dear Aunt Elizabeth. I sometimes forget to catch my tongue before it falls out of my head.” We both took a long drink to the point when we were done I had to pour a little more between us.

“It’s quite alright. I’m just grateful you didn’t kill my beloved Nephew before it was too late.” Before I could answer the doors bursted open.

“Excuse me mam?” Turning to see a serf was standing by the door of my world. Did something happen to Fernanda?

“Zasha? What is it?” Elizabeth stood up from my chair to approach her.

“It’s the Emperor. He’s fallen gravely ill.” Well. That is going to solve our problems much faster than I thought it was going to happen. She wrapped herself around her robe as we began walking out of my bedroom.

“Why are you coming? I thought you despised him” She asked for me to nod but was still walking.

“We’re family by marriage. He is now my cousin whether I like it or not.” Turning the corner to see that Orlo, George...and Grigor were waiting outside the room. Splendid. I imagine his wife was ready to lay in bed yet stumbled into that mess.

“From what I’ve seen and heard it sounds bad. A lot of vomit and blood.” Orlo told us to stand next to Orlo. One of the priests that was in the room came out with the black mask on his face to then take it off before us.

“You may not enter the room. For it might be contagious till the doctor tells you differently. For he’s running a high fever, a lot of vomiting, and has been seeing strange visions. The Archbishop is there with him now. He’ll tell you more once he comes out.” Is...Is that vomit on his mask? Or...dear god. He walked past us heading down the hall towards the apartments.

“How is he?” Catherine came in with a very well detailed look of uneasiness.

“Very ill.” Elizabeth told Catherine for my eyes to drift over to Grigor. He was holding onto George but staring directly at me. Stupid man. Stupid man!

“Can we go in?” Catherine asked Orlo but I’m assuming not.

“Well everyones being kept out here.”

“In fear of contagion.” Finally looking at Grigor again for us to lock eyes for a brief instant till I turned to Catherine.

“He’s been vomiting continuously throughout the night, and he runs a high fever, and he has fits of wild delirium.”

“The Doctor and Archbishop are with him.” I told her to place my hands on her shoulder to give some comfort to this poor wife and my cousin. The door opened for a child to come out with a bowl filled with blood and vomit. Not to mention his entire body was covered head to toe in Peters upchuck...and from the smell..the back door was also used as well.

“Excuse me.” Oh the smell! Covering my nose for Grigor and I to look at one another again. He doesn’t look concerned. Is that a smile?

We all leaned into the doorway to see what was happening in there since we could only hear the sound of Peter vomiting and coughing more and more. I did the sign of the cross to hold onto my cross necklace. I don’t pray for Peter. But I pray for the Doctor inside the room that he stays safe from whatever disease has fallen upon Peter. Peter could go to hell for all I care, but I have to keep up appearances.

The Archbishop popped in the doorway for us to straighten our backs. He came out of his bedroom to close the door behind him. Grigor inched a little closer to me to the point I could sense the warmth radiating off him.

“How is he?” Grigor asked for the Archbishop to stare directly at us.

“Extremely ill. The fear is that it may be Cholera.”

“Cholera?” That’s a rough sickness. Even I wouldn’t wish that sort of death on my enemy.

“Which I suspect he will have caught from a possessed, nocturnal animal. Probably a badger.” If I ever get sick in this country I would rather just endure the ride home and die in a carriage. These doctors are not touching me with a ten foot pole!

“Where would he have come across a possessed badger?” Catherine asked thankfully. That sounds absolutely unrealistic and not how you even got Cholera. Not that I don’t know how you get Cholera but I imagine it’s not from a possessed badger.

“If it is Cholera, he will die, will he not?” Holding her a little tighter as a cue to sound a lot more concerned. You have to make it believable that you’re distraught that he might die!

“It’s a strong possibility that we must face.” Looking at Orlo who kept the same straight face he usually has.

“Oh my little man.” THE POOR BABY! I WILL WEEP WITH A BOTTLE OF WINE AND GLORIOUS MUSIC!

“The Doctor is working hard on cures. It may be something else.”

“Has he said anything? Is he talking?” Why would he be concerned if he’s talking? Grigor might as well give a shit if he truly dies or not.

“He speaks intermittently. Much of it is deranged. Said he was a wolf, and wanted to eat Swedish children for breakfast. And there was some talk of what he’d like to do to Chiara and with various ladies of the court. I’ll spare you the details.” My body ran cold for Catherine to turn and face me. The blood in my body felt as if it dried up as I wanted to vomit. Looking at Grigor as I felt so disgusted with myself.

“Before more bouts of diarrhea and vomiting.” The Archbishop went back in for Grigor to take in a deep breath.

“I will go in to see him.” Say what?

“Do not risk your life.” Elizabeth told him as he stopped in the doorway.

“I want to be there for my friend.” Bullshit! He could give an absolute shit about Peter at this point!

“I had no idea your husband was so brave, Georgina.”

“Oh yes famously so.”

“In more ways than one.” Adding into the conversation for George to turn and face me.

“Just being honest.” An angry snake she is when I add my own little comments. Settle down hypocrites.

Orlo, Catherine, and I huddled into our own group to see the expression of Catherines face change from the fake grieving widow to an excited future ruler. Must admit this is a little exciting for me as well.

“If this is Cholera, he could be dead within the day.” Orlo told us as Catherine was beginning to smile slightly but trying to control herself.

“Right. That means..”

“Yes. Yes it will be yours. You will rule Russia.” By God it’s going to actually happen.

“After all our planning..it just..”

“Falls right into your lap.” Orlo finished as the doors opened back up. The ArchBishop came out of the room to take off his mask. Remember when I said that this planning became stale? I stand corrected and I was completely wrong. This just made everything better.

“In light of this terrible situation, a meeting is being called to deal with the possible transition of power.”

“To me.” Easy Catherine. That’s a little too exciting for someone who's losing their husband.

“Indeed. It seems so. You are the next...should the worst happen.” Seems like the worst is about to happen right before them. If it’s going this quickly then I might be going home soon! Finally an end to this horrid nightmare and cesspool!

“Prepare with prayer, and the senate will be called.”

“I look forward to it.” Damn it Catherine!

“Not him dying. That is bad. And sad. And we hope for the best and a speedy recovery.” If I could slap my own face I would without making this seem like we’re excited that Peter is dying.

“God will be with us. He always is.” The Archbishop left the hall for Catherine and Orlo to talk amongst themselves. I need to talk to Grigor. I can’t stand being apart from him at nights for it is his warmth I believe that is keeping me sane. I don’t think I can tell him that I think I’m starting to love him but atleast telling him I need him is a good start.

*Grigors P.O.V.*

DIE! DIE YOU HORRIBLE HUMAN! YOU THINK YOU CAN SLEEP WITH MY OWN LOVE BECAUSE YOU’RE THE EMPEROR! DIE DIE DIE! I WILL KILL YOU AND WILL LIVE PEACEFULLY IN MY OWN LIFE!

Removing the pillow to see that he was still breathing! Bastard! Slamming the pillow back onto him to push down even further in hopes that I might finish the job! Just die! How hard is it to kill someone who's already dying! Talking about Chiara as if she’s just a common peasant!

“What are you doing!?” George yelled as I continued to push down harder and harder.

“What is right and you know it George! I have to do something!”

“Fuck!” George pulled me back as we stopped to see Peter was still breathing. Dragging me from his bed towards the middle of his room.

“I was given the choice to be a man or a child! I’ve decided to become a man for the sake of my sanity!”

“You poisoned him?”

“Arsenic. From the wall in his borscht!” Feeling the cold slap from George as she was in full rage of my actions.

“What happens to us when he’s dead? Think what Peter provides for us!”

“You...you..”

“You’re a stupid fool Grigor!” She took a deep breath to calm herself down.

“Our situation is complex. Yet also simple! We have a safe life with Peter! Luxury, security, a place in court. Who’s he gonna be replaced by? Catherine!? We’re nothing to her! What happens to us then? Not to mention Chiara is making it much more difficult to handle this situation. No thanks to you!”

“So you may have a lover but I may not!” I love Chiara and this marriage is non-existent!

“Grigor?” Peter called for me as I turned to see him barely awake and moving. Say something George! You hypocritical bitch say something!

“We’re here.” George, like a mother goose, flew to Peter's aid. Well. It’s very clear now on where my life stands now. George has made her bed and it is time for me to make my own with a Duchess who isn’t afraid to get the job done when it needs to be done.

Letting go of the pillow to march out of the room and slamming the doors shut. Taking in a few deep breaths to calm myself before scampering off to Chiara. Chiara? Where is she? Perhaps in her chambers!

It was like seeing a light at the end of the tunnel heading to her apartment! The outline of the room was glowing before my eyes. Chiara..my love. The only woman in this world that can make my knees buckle to bow at her feet. That fire is intoxicating to the point that I might die of happiness.

Slamming the door open to see Chiara was in front of the flames looking directly into them. Her head slowly turned to face me with a somber look. A bottle of wine sitting next to her looked thoroughly used. Oh my precious flame. Closing the door to sit down next to her as she went back into looking into the fire.

“I placed my blade against his neck threatening to take his life away. Why didn’t I slice it open? Tell me why I didn’t Grigor?” She asked for me to place my hand on her cheek.

“What happened before I came in?”

“He was mad that I helped Velementov at the front for strategy. He drew a sword on me and I fought back. I won and threatened him that if he were to ever draw his sword on me that I would win. I...I should’ve sliced his throat open and strung him up as if he was game to place on my wall.” I feel like I should tell her that I’m the one that poisoned him. That he is dying in his own bed because the world would be better without him! She was literally going to kill him before I even came into the room!

“Chiara. I’m the one who caused him to become ill. I poisoned him in the borscht while he was eating dinner.” Her expression was the same as before till it clicked in her mind. Her entire face went from a beautiful red to a ghostly white in a matter of seconds.

“Holy shit..” She whispered to turn her attention to the fire. Is she going to tell Catherine? Not that Catherine might care much but what if she does? Would she tell the court? No...no what have I done!

“I would ask why but that..oh my god.” Turning her head to face me as I gulped.

“If it helps, I did it for you. For us..for everyone in the court that his idiocy will go away.” Her lips were slightly open with her breathing beginning to rise.

That lovely color began returning to her cheek as she climbed on top of me and wrapped herself around me. Those entrancing lips striked against mine as my hands traveled up her back to pull her shirt. She stopped to place her index finger on my lips.

“For you committing such a horrendous act. Allow me.” Removing her finger to place a kiss on my lips, to my cheek, then right underneath my jaw line. I could see the stars from how well she was working those luscious lips. Her hand gripped my cock to start playing it through my pants. God her touch. It’s almost too delicious to even allow. My eyes rolled back for me to lay down on the rug for her kisses to start moving down my body.

I love her...I hope that she knows that I would kill an army for her without regret...

~~~

@mirkwoodshewolf @bonafiderocketqueen @johndeaconshands

@jd-johndeacon-or-jackdaniels @amethyst-serenade @radio-ha-ha@i-have-a-wonky-eye-too @deck-heart @actuallyanita @the-baby-bookworm @ewanmcgregors​ @panagiasikelia​

[lilallama]

Since I loved the one you did for me. Can I request a continuation to it? Like the reader brings him home bmand everything is great but after a few months neighborhood pets are coming up missing and the reader finds out or something?

Early Sunrise

Word Count; 2.1k

!!TW!! This Series contains themes of gore, obsessive behaviour, violence, murder and societal injustice

》 Prologue; Düstern 《

》 First; Frühdämmer 《

"Another one?" Y/n looked at the Missing Poster which hung up on the tree outside their neighbour's house (the picture displayed a small well groomed cat with grey fur. 》 Prince Winters - british shorthair - two and a half years old - Was last seen in the owners backyard - please call this number if you have any information: X X X X - X X X X X X 《). The [gender] sighed in pity before turning to walk to their door. As they opened it they happily expected their small Guinea Pig Hybrid, Hoseok, to run into their arms. But that didn't happen. His fluffy locks were nowhere in sight. Worried that something might have happened Y/n searched the mansion. He wasn't in their room (he insisted on staying with them because he was too scared to sleep alone at night), he wasn't in any of the four bathrooms, not in the kitchen, not in the front hall, not in their living room. They were starting to panic, their poor, sweet baby was gone. But then they heard someone giggle outside in the garden. With rushed steps they ventured into the garden and let out a relieved sigh, only for that sigh to turn into a half chocked gasp as Hoseok turned around.

"Hoseok.., what is that!?" On the floor infront of the Hybrid layed something mangled and bloody. It's body was distorted, limbs torn off, milky eyes bulging out if it's sockets with it's head twisted in an unnerving angle. The sight was horrific, grotesque and truly nauseating. "Oh," Hoseok said in with his innocent smile which was surrounded by dried up blood, "remember Mrs. Winters' cat? I played with it." Despite the sweet smile his eyes held something menacing, something sick and twisted that Y/n was terrified of. They looked big and empty, like emotionless voids staring right through them. If they could have the choice to claim this a disturbing nightmare, they would. But they knew, they would have to face this. Y/n's previous scared expression turned into one of determination, "Hoseok, whipe that off your face and get in the car, right now."

The drive was tortuously silent, the only sound coming from the radio ("And now we present to you our 90's Pop Songs marathon. Starting of with the 90's Queen, Britney Spears with 'Baby one more time' "). Hoseok hadn't dare move throughout the whole time spend in the car. His only action; trying to make himself as small as possible to escape the mind numbing tension that filled the car. What if Y/n would send him back to the shelter? That thought had always kept him up at night. They were the only one he had, they couldn't just abandon him, right? > But what if they did < whispered the voice in the back of his mind, > What if you'll never see them again? You can't let that happen. < he started shaking violently > Just take the wheel and drive off the road. Kill them, then they'll never leave you. <. The voice got louder as he cowered in the back seat, eyes pressed shut and mouth chanting "No no no no no no no-". But Y/n didn't pay the quivering Hybrid any mind, all they could think of was, that their Hybrid needs help, immediately. Clearly the mistreatment he was put through with his past owners (what mistreatment?) took a toll on his sanity. The poor sunshine needs help. So they hurried towards the next Hybrid Psychiatrist hoping it'll magically rid Hoseok of his tendencies.

"Violent tendencies?" The pair sat infront of the Psychiatrist, Mr. Bluestone, a kind hispanic man in his mid 50's. "Could you elaborate what exactly that would mean? Does he get into fights often or perhaps bites?" They bashfully scratch their neck while looking over at Hoseok. "Not really. He is more... more..," they leaned forward and whispered, "gory." Bluestone looked intrigued by that as he shuffled in his seat slightly. "How so? What does that mean, L/n?" The Hybrid nervously watched the conversation going on, his eyes darkened as his owner leaned closer. His nose twitched and he started looking around the room to try and distract himself from the dread he felt. (The white door had 》 044 《 standing on it in golden, shimmering letters, the floor was polished and held a warm grey as it's colour. The walls were mostly white with a small peachy orange stripe spreading across all four walls. The plants were clearly fake and left him feeling hungry as he hadn't eaten today. He considered asking Y/n for one of his treats but he figured that wouldn't be a good idea.) When that didn't work he resorted to imagining doing everything the poor cat had suffered through with the Psychiatrist. "He- he-," they gave him a quick side glance before lowering their voice again, "he tore our neighbour's cat apart." With a look of surprise and horror Bluestone stared over to the Guinea Pig Hybrid (which usually are very peaceful and cheerful creatures) only to avert his gaze once his eyes locked with Hoseoks. He cleared his throat and shuffled through the stack of papers on the desk before him. "I'm sorry, but I do not think I'm experienced in such... special situations." Y/n stood up, making the elderly man flinch slightly, and looked at him with teary eyes. "Please, please, I beg you!" The man stayed silent for a moment before sighing. His smile was reassuring as he patted their shoulder. "You never learn to fly if you don't try, I'll see what I can do."

The next day Y/n sat in Mr. Bluestone's office and discussed Hoseok. "The thing that makes this difficult, is that Hybrids have not been studied enough for me to be able to diagnose him with any Guinea Pig Hybrid specific mental illness." He looked through some files that layed on his desk, scratching some things abd writing notes. Meanwhile Y/n asked, "But how come we don't diagnose them with human mental illnesses?" After a few seconds Bluestone looked up, now focusing his attention on the [gender]. "You see, Hybrid brains are, while not completely but still considerably, different from ours." That gained a sceptical look from Y/n. "Don't get me wrong, I'm not calling them inferior. If anything, they are way more physically advanced than mere humans are." The Psychiatrists eyes started sparkling with passion as he explained the abilities of different Hybrid breeds. "Cheetah Hybrid are able to run 3.6 times faster than an average grown human! Cat Hybrids have the ability of night vision and way more advanced senses than we do. And between Seahorse Hybrids it's the male who bears the children, not the female!" The excitement the man holds for Hybrids was very blatant as he continued rambling before Y/n asked while laughing, "You really like Hybrids, don't you?" "I find them fascinating, my husband thinks so too. It's sad to see so many people disrespect such fascinating creatures." The discussion went on for a while before they finally looked at the clock. It was time to go for Y/n which caused them great concern as their problem was still not close to being solved. Nonetheless they wished each other farewell before returning to their mundane tasks.

As Y/n sat on the soft, expensive couch in their livingroom Hoseok shyly approached them. "Y/n, are you mad at me?" They wanted to scold him, to put him in his place, teach him that such behaviour was not acceptable. But when they looked into his guilt filled eyes they just couldn't stay mad at their little ball of sunshine. "No," they rubbed their temple, "I'm not, Hobi. Come on." And they petted on their lap with a forced, slightly saddened smile. Hoseok immediately lit up and jumped onto their fraim, cuddling into them while letting out that weird purr when they started petting his brown-white locks. As they laid there many thoughts ran through Y/n's mind. How did they not notice that their own Hybrid was the one who caused those pets disappearances? Thinking back, it was so obvious. Those red stains on his clothing that they mistook for sauce or marmalade stains, the strong metallic smell that Hoseok sometimes had, it was right infront of their eyes. Yet they didn't notice, they didn't think to question that the cases of pets going missing had started a bit after their Hybrid moved in. The warning that caretaker gave them at the shelter, should they've listened to it? What would've happened if they didn't taken him, left him there without anyone by his side? Quickly they shook off such thoughts and looked down at Hoseok on their chest. He looked so innocent and fragile, as if he could snap at any moment, it made them want to protect him. The Guinea Pig Hybrid had already won over a giant portion of their heart, leaving him was out of question. But they will have to wait until Bluestone has found something that they should discuss. Y/n imagined that they would try and 'train' Hoseok, that they would talk him through his trauma and teach him the right way. But Bluestone wanted to know what he's doing before he would try and teach the Guinea Pig Hybrid anything. The risk that he could make it worse or cause a different trauma was too high for him to discard. So they agreed to first try and find something similar to Hoseoks condition first. Their thoughts were interrupted as they ley out a yawn. It was starting to get late, so they decided to go to bed now. The only problem was that Hoseok had already fallen asleep on top of them and they didn't want to wake him up. So they decided, one night sleeping on the sofa wouldn't hurt, how wrong they were.

When they woke up in the morning both their back and neck hurt as if someone slammed a hardwood chair against them. Hoseok had shifted over night so that they could get up without disturbing his sleep. Under grave pain they stood up, looked back at their little Hybrid and admired him for a second. Despite everything, he still was a very handsome young man. Undoubtedly if he wasn't their Hybrid they would be more than willing to date him. (Although he's a Guinea Pig Hybrid his body was quite athletic, he wasn't of abnormally muscular structure but did have abs and surprisingly strong legs. His hair always managed to look soft and shiny with little to no effort, his tan skin was completely clean, not a single blemish in sight. His eyes were a beautiful almond shape adorned with dark chocolate irises that always managed to wrap them around his fingers. With an oval shaped face and very pronounced jawline he surely was a sight to behold. But the greatest part was the tiny smile that he held even during his sleep.) Eventually Y/n stretched and walked over to their laptop. They received a new E-mail from Bluestone.

》 Dear L/n,

I am sorry to inform you that I did not find anything that could relate to your Hybrid's issue. But I have decided that, if you are willing to, still try and help your Hybrid. While I do not think this is the best way to approach it, I will try and help you and your Hybrid through therapy. I will send another E-mail should you agree to my offer.

Please remember to not accept you don't consider this helpful or do not want to waste your time with something that may or may not work. Send me an answer and I will send you the room, time and what I was planning on trying out. You can always back out, this is not any form of contract.

Sincerely,

Doctor Valentino Pérez Bluestone. 《

Suddenly the back- and neck pains weren't too much of a bother. While he couldn't find anything specific that he could sort Hoseok to, he would still help them. They quickly write an E-mail back.

》 Dear Doctor Bluestone,

thank you so much for helping us. I would not have known what to do without your help. I would very much like to accept your offer, sir.

I will await your E-mail. Until then,

Sincerely,

Y/n L/n. 《

After leaning back and turning to check up on Hoseok (at which point they remembered their back- and neck pains, causing them to stiffen from the stabbing pain running through them.) they carefully turned back to their laptop and decided it was time to finish their work.

If you enjoyed reading my work, please consider reblogging it. Thank you for reading

[ververa]

Like Mothers, Like Daughter

A/N: You have no idea how nervous I am right now, but I said I’ll post the first part, so I’m keeping my word, even though I feel like it’s not good enough. It has been rewritten at least 10 times and this is only some kind of introduction. For now it’s just my precious little Ellie. There’s no Mildred and no Wilhemina yet. But they’ll appear soon, I promise. Just bear with me, please 🙏🏼 Many thanks to @awildgothappeared​!!! Thank you so much for helping me with this series and thank you for convincing me to post this part!!! I’d probably never decide to do it if it hadn’t been for you Stevie <3  This story truly means a lot to me and all three of them - Ellie, Millie and Mina have a special place in my heart. They’re my new holy trinity. I put a lot of effort into this story - that’s why it’s taking me so long. 

Anyways, I hope you will all enjoy it!!! And just in case, I am sorry if this is shit, cause I actually sort of feel like it is 🙈 Also if anyone has any thoughts/suggestions/opinions do let me know!

Words count: ~3k

Tag list: @midnight-lestrange​, @natasha-danvers​, @stopkillinglilyrabe​, @welshdragonrawr​, @saucy-sapphic​, @yang12e​, @xixxiixx​, @pradababey​

Seemingly nothing had changed. Life was going on as it used to before, its usual way. Some governess would wake Ellie up at 7am, it wouldn’t be the same one who was there the previous evening. No, because for some reason the former one wasn’t suitable for the position. None of them were, because it was truly impossible to measure up to Mrs Staple’s expectations. Ellie knew, because she had been trying to ever since she had learned to speak. It didn’t matter how many languages she mastered or how good her grades were or that she became a champion of the fencing team. The woman, she was supposed to call her mother, would never be satisfied, the same as she would never be happy with the work all those governesses did. Some of them were fired, because they truly were useless, others were just unlucky and had a horrible timing - it really was an unpleasant experience to get in a way of annoyed Mrs Staple‒

Ellie stopped getting attached to them a long time ago. Not that she actually had a chance to. In fact, she didn’t even bother to remember their names any more and decided to give them numbers instead. Though sometimes, she did wonder where they find all of them. How many well-qualified governesses could be there in town? Where did they all come from?

That morning, the governess was bearing a name “241”. Quite impressive. Ellie thought as she was brushing her teeth. But it wouldn't last for too long. Perhaps it was only until the evening or maybe afternoon - depending on Lillian’s mood. And then the poor woman would have to leave, quicker than she appeared, just like 240 other women before her. That's how it worked with her mother. The demonic, callous woman really knew no limits.

Ellie was barely twelve, yet she was well aware what motives drove her mother's behavior. Each action had a perfectly explainable reason. The desire for power, the need of being in control. Though, the truth was, Lillian wasn't in a place to be a decision making one. She had never actually had a say and she knew, for a fact, that she would never have. She wasn't even close to it. She wasn't Staple, not by blood. And yet, despite this, she always introduced herself using her husband's family name - being boastful and vain as ever, nearly driving her only child apoplectic each time.

Lillian wanted to matter so badly, even if just for a moment, but still her actions, words, commands meant less than nothing. Even Ellie, though still a child, had more power than the cruel woman. And that's why Lillian hated her. She hated her only daughter, because Ellie was born Staple, she was born to the purple and carried an incredible power within her small body–

And all that appeared to be a good enough reason to terrorize 240 babysitters, who would not be needed at all if Lillian could just bring herself to care about her only child in the first place. But she couldn't and she didn't. She never wanted to have children, definitely not a girl. Maybe a son. Maybe–

If Ellie was a boy… maybe she'd be able to care, to love her child. But even then it wouldn't be the unconditional type of love. It would be yet another transaction, the tying agreement, which would, of course, be in her interest. Just like her marriage and all the relations within the family. But Ellie wasn't a boy and she didn't matter as much as a male successor would and so Lillian didn't care. She did what was expected of her, she gave birth to the next successor, and that was it. All she was willing to do and there was no way she'd put any more effort into it. She gave her husband what he wanted and was the least bit interested in her child's future. Lillian was too selfish to care, too busy fighting for her own position to even think about Elizabeth.

Ellie's father always told her that everyone had a little bit of the light and dark in them. People were complex like a cosmic system, both inside and outside. She liked that comparison.

"None of us are just black or white, or always right and never wrong. We have a universe within ourselves. We all have a little bit of the sun and moon inside. Everyone has good and bad forces working with them, within them and against them"

She believed it, but as much as she tried - she couldn't find any kind of light within her mother. There was nothing, just coldness and hatred - guiding her through life, leaving her blind to everything, but her selfish needs and whims.

"Elizabeth," her teacher's voice would bring her back to reality. And the day would carry on, as usual.

Ellie would participate in her classes and then have lunch downstairs. She would eat alone, as her father would be still at work and Lillian wouldn’t even bother to join the girl, preferring her own company over watching her little defeater, a perfect copy of her husband. Or maybe if they were lucky enough, the governess would keep her company. Though even if she would, even if somehow lady “241” would manage to keep her position and call it a day - Ellie probably wouldn’t decide to talk to her anyways. Why would she, knowing that the woman would soon disappear from her life forever?

But Ellie didn’t mind being on her own at all. She already got used to it. She had been a homeschooler since… always. She had been under lock and key her whole life, because that was their way of keeping her safe. That’s what they told her at least and she accepted it. That was the only way of living Ellie knew and she completely settled into it. She didn't ask, she didn't question their motives. She let it be, because there was nothing she could do. She didn't want to do anything.

She liked her life, well, she thought so leastways. She had nothing to complain about. She was safe, warm, had her books and her piano. Her teacher, constantly-changing governesses and servants provided some kind of company - preventing her from loosening her grip on reality completely. Her life wasn’t all that bad. Yes. It could have been worse after all. And homeschooling wasn’t the end of the world, right? It had both positive and negative sides, as everything - just like her father said. And that’s what Ellie was focused on.

After lunch her lessons would continue. The teacher would ask about some mathematical equations and she would solve all of them, before unerringly answering all subsequent questions. Ellie was a clever child and a fast learner. She was also stubborn and aimed at mastering whatever she wanted to perfection. She had to be good enough, she had to measure up, prove herself. And she was doing her best, steadfastly.

Everyone was foretelling her a bright future. She could do anything she wanted, those who didn’t know certain things were convinced of it. And those who knew the truth, the reality, the true meaning hidden behind the Staple’s name and the family roots - remained silent. Ellie was only a child after all, besides no one wanted to have a problem with her father, or even worse - with her grandfather. But they didn’t need to talk about it. Ellie, as a highly intelligent girl that she undoubtedly was, knew. She knew her future was doomed, because she was a prisoner, just like her father and grandfather, even her mother and the rest of the family. They were all prisoners, shackled with invisible cuffs - the life-long deal their ancestors had made ages before. They were prisoners to the nonreversible decision.

It may seem quite dramatic, sad even to some people, but they didn’t understand it. They never cared enough to comprehend the deep meaning behind the family’s actions, perhaps too ignorant or narrow-minded to decipher it. But they didn’t matter. Their opinions were irrelevant. 

Ellie never had a problem with that. She never truly allowed herself to think about the future, but she didn’t need to worry, not just yet. She had her father - her guardian and friend - who was there to keep her safe. He always knew how to make everything better. How to fix what appeared to be unfixable. And he was there at all times. He was there to hold his little girl, the apple of his eye. He was there to teach her and guide her. To grant Ellie the love and approval she couldn’t receive from Lillian. He was there, so that she could have a happy and peaceful childhood. And all that made Ellie feel lucky. Not all kids had what she did. Not all children were able to experience this kind of love. She knew. Elias told her about those children - left on their own, without anyone who would look after them, or love them the way he loved her. Whenever she remembered all those stories something inside her hurt. Her heart - it ached, every time Elias was telling her about that one little girl.

Ellie undeniably was compassionate and sensitive, her soul was still pure and free, untainted. She didn’t have to bear the burden of her decision, she didn’t have to carry it on her own like her father. That’s why she couldn’t understand his breaking down. She couldn’t figure out the reason for his tears, when she gave him one of her teddy bears, saying he should give it to the little girl. Ellie couldn’t know. Not back then.

And then, when her lessons were over, their butler - Leonard would take her to the fencing classes. That was the only time Ellie was out, freed from the thin walls of the castle they lived in. She always cherished every second of it, because every moment of freedom was like an incredible adventure.

She had been training for years, because fencing made her stronger and showed a certain set of thinking skills. The classes would go great, as always. Ellie as a wonderful fencer would win some clash, but she wouldn't even think about it, already engulfed by anticipation of the evening.

Ellie’s favourite part of the day was dinner. No, not the dinner itself - the whole process of it. The anticipation and preparations. Their servants would be preparing everything, putting a lot of effort into details, so as to avoid getting in trouble with Lillian. She was fabled for her choleric nature and no one wanted to be reprimanded. That's why they always did their best, striving to meet Lillian's expectations and avoid unhinging her.

The table had to be polished until it gleamed. Table covers had to be clean and smoothed. Dinnerware and cutlery had to be polished to a high gloss. And napkins… napkins had to have the right colors, because colors couldn't clash. After all those years Ellie learned the process by heart. She remembered everything, every little detail and the order of all those actions.

A plate in the middle. A napkin on the left, then forks - salad fork and dinner fork. The right side was where a dinner knife, dinner spoon and soup spoon were placed. And then glasses - a water glass and wine glass - on the right, above the spoons. It wasn't all that hard to remember. It definitely was far more complicated when it came to the formal dinner place setting, but when it was just the three of them - Ellie and her parents - the servants didn't have to worry about it. Informal setting was enough, unless Lillian decided differently.

By the time the table was set, Ellie would be fully in on her anticipation mood. After all it wasn't about the dinner or setting the table, it was about her father finally coming back home. Elizabeth would wait impatiently - pulled up to comfortably sit on the windowsill of the living room window. She did it every evening. Awaiting her father's car to turn into the driveway. Waiting for him to cross the doorstep and take her into his arms as he always did. She anticipated having dinner with him and then spending hours on talking and listening to his stories.

Ellie waited. One hour passed. Then another. Lillian gave up and ordered someone to bring her dinner upstairs, as she wasn't going to eat with Ellie even under those circumstances. They complied, Lillian got her dinner and finished it, while Ellie kept waiting, not moving from her spot even for a second, so as not to miss the moment of Elias' arrival. She waited, but he didn't come back. She fell asleep eventually and Leonard carefully carried her to her room. His heart was breaking for the girl, because he knew exactly what was happening. He already knew what Ellie didn't or maybe she did. She did, perhaps, but refused to accept it…

She kept waiting. For hours, days, a week. Whenever she heard some car, she would rush to the window, hoping it was Elias. Ellie found it hard to focus on anything else. She barely ate and sleep, she just passed out from exhaustion basically every evening. Each time Leonard would take her upstairs and tuck her in bed. Though in the morning she'd be back downstairs, most likely wearing one of her father's hats or shirts - almost three times too big for her- but it didn't matter. She didn't care. If she could, she'd most likely not only wear his clothes, but also spend every minute of the day in her spot on the windowsill.

Where did he go? Why didn't he come back? Every part of her aching heart couldn't accept it. She needed him… who would protect her now? Who would be there for her? Where did he think he's going and why couldn't he take her with him? He always did. They always did everything together. And then he was gone, just like that–

Honestly, she knew he wouldn't come back. She knew, but she didn't want to let go, not yet. She wasn't ready to do it.

And it was okay. Ellie could say it by the way their servants looked at her - so sympathetically. They hurt too. Perhaps not as much as she did, but they did in their own way. The only person who seemed to remain untouched was Lillian.

Even then, all she could think of was herself. She didn't display any kind of emotions. She wasn't sad or hurt and she didn't even try to pretend that she was.

"Will you finally pull yourself together?" Lillian growled, sipping on her drink, not even looking at Ellie "He won't come back. Ever."

Ellie frowned a little. There were a lot of things she could tell her mother, a lot of mean and hateful things. Though it didn't feel okay. It didn't feel like her, so she didn't. She held it all back, responding with simple "Why do you have to be like that?"

"Like what?" Lillian asked, looking at her manicured nails, acting the least bit interested in what her daughter actually had to say.

"Why can't you at least pretend that you care?"

"Don't be pathetic, Elizabeth."

Ellie sighed. There was no point in continuing the conversation. She wasn't pathetic. It wasn't pathetic. Feeling was a human thing, right?

A few days later a tall man dressed in black suit brought Elias' stuff from his clinic. They packed it all in a box. Over 20 years of his research, his work, his life - were enclosed in just one box. Leonard carried it to Elias' office and Ellie followed. She needed answers that no one wanted to give her, so she hoped she'd actually find something in the box. And she did. Her father left her a note–

Seemingly nothing had changed. Her body was still susceptible to pain, still breakable. It had to eat and breathe air and sleep. It still shuddered, as it had shuddered before. She still had to learn and she did, as she had done before. Life was going on, its usual way. Nothing changed - and yet everything was different. People, manners, course of boundaries. And amid it all her soul traipsed elusively. It disappeared, then came back, drew nearer and moved away from reality. She hurt, she cried. Feeling like an alien - at times certain, at others uncertain of her own existence. Trapped in her own grief and pain.

Ellie had been raised in a box - her father's castle, a perfect world he created just for her. But life was more than that. Life was different and not at all perfect. In truth it seemed to be far more unfriendly and sinister than she may have expected. She found herself lost in the new reality. The reality without her father. The world she knew had been shattered, completely destroyed. And learning to live all over again wasn't all that easy, but she was strong. Elias taught her how to be strong and she knew she could face all the obstacles. She had to - for him.

She was born into this goddamn family and that was the only thing she couldn't change. Though all the rest, everything else depended on her. He hadn't taught her all the things she knew without a reason…

"In life there are only two permanent things - happiness and existential pain. Life likes to gratify and hurt. It's a venom that heals and a rose that pricks. At times it's pretty good, although sometimes it's quite bad. And future matters are unforeseeable…" Elias' note said.

And so despite the pain she still believed there was more good than bad in life. She just had to look hard enough - like her father said.

[merakiui]

Day Team Slumber Party

(I wrote this on a whim based off of Ethan saying he’ll get nightmares if there’s too much on his mind and if he forces himself to rest, and June suggesting that everyone should sleep together to solve the problem. lol There’s no point in this, but I want to think it’s an enjoyable read. Now I’ll get back to working on everyone’s requests!)

It’s Louis who complains about the not-so-perfect sleep he had the other night. His fellow teammates look at him, and it’s June who asks for an elaboration. Ethan wishes he wouldn’t, and Theo can only force a small smile while he takes extreme interest in his chopsticks.

“What could be giving you trouble, my brother?” June practically shouts, slamming his drink on the table. “Are you suffering from any nightmares? Is it a vengeful spirit? Tell me and I’ll make sure no one gives you trouble! We’re brothers for a reason!”

Louis, having been given an opportunity, feigns a forlorn expression, holding a gloved hand over his chest. “Your overwhelming kindness is but a mere balm to soothe my pain! Surely you understand the horrid imperfections an improper sleep brings.” He sighs, wiping a faux tear from the corner of his eye. “If this continues any longer, my beautiful skin shall be tarnished! The mirrors may crack if I walk past, and I simply cannot let that happen.”

“Ah.” It slips from Theo without his meaning to, and he figures a small explanation won’t hurt. “Louis, I’m sure you’ll sleep better if you stop worrying.”

“Worry? ‘Tis a silly implication, my handsome Theo! Alas, what shall I do if I’m not as beautiful as the sun? Which, if you haven’t noticed, must shine brighter than everything else!”

“Well, you are the sun, aren’t you?” He means it as a joke, but he knows better than to assume Louis will laugh.

June grins. “I agree with brother Theo! It is just as he says. We must fix this problem of yours so that you can continue to shine as bright as the afternoon sun. That’s what our team represents, isn’t it, my brothers?!”

Ethan rolls his heterochromatic eyes. Though these types of shenanigans are a common happening within the Day Team, it doesn’t do anything to dispel his annoyed state. “We really shouldn’t be enabling such a narcissistic fool. Don’t you have anything better to do than to weep about something so insignificant?”

“How can you say that, brother Ethan? A good rest leads to a healthy mindset!”

“And a lovely lifestyle,” Louis adds, posing dramatically before the three Reapers.

“Why don’t you drink something that’s bound to make you fall asleep? Chamomile is known to treat insomnia, so I could brew you a cup if you’d like.”

“A perfect prince such as myself would never fall victim to that disease you call insomnia!”

It was worth a shot, Theo thinks, deflating. I’m afraid there’s no getting through to him.

“I doubt you’d know what a disease is,” Ethan says, crossing his arms. “You’re quite the disease yourself.”

“Your words wound my already fractured heart!” Louis slumps against the table, woefully sighing. “How cruel of you.”

“Insults won’t fix anything either. Maybe you’re reading too much into this. Everyone’s had their fair share of sleepless nights. You’re no different, Louis. The problem might lie in the fact that you’ve been sleeping in an uncomfortable position, or you’ve had too many heavy thoughts. Whatever it may be, I’m sure you’ll be able to overcome it in no time,” Theo says, shifting so he’s slightly in between Ethan and Louis. “You just need to fix your sleeping habits.”

“That’s it!” June jumps up from his seat. “The answer to your problem is simple! We’ll spend a night together!”

“Excuse me?” Ethan raises a brow.

“Um...” Theo trails on his words. “I don’t think that’s—”

“A marvelous idea! Truly spectacular, my dear June.” Louis applauds him, all traces of sadness gone from his face. “Please tell me more.”

“I’ve heard about it from the manager. They used to participate in a tradition where their closest friends came together for an evening of fun! Something called a slumber party.”

“That sounds too noisy. I’m not going to lose sleep because someone can’t seem to turn away from his own reflection at night.”

“Ethan’s got a point. Aren’t parties a bit too exciting for a time when we should be asleep? Won’t the manager be upset if we’re too tired to work the following day?”

“Nonsense! The manager should join us! They’ll get a chance to see the flawless Prince Louis in his silken night clothes. ‘Tis a sight to behold. Manager may go blind from how perfect I am, even in the late hours of the night.”

“If the manager’s going to be there...” Theo’s cheeks redden at the prospect of spending time with the manager outside of work hours. “I guess it wouldn’t be all that bad.”

“Brothers!” June gathers everyone’s attention, which isn’t a difficult task because he’s practically got the entire cafeteria watching him. “Have you forgotten about brother Louis? We must help him get a good night’s sleep! Therefore we’ll try this slumber party the manager mentioned, and it’ll restore his well-being!”

“I’m declining, so don’t ask again.” 

“I’d rather sleep by myself, if I’m being honest.”

“A little company never hurt anyone.”

“We have to stick together in times like these. When one of us falls, the others should be there to help him up! That’s why we’re brothers!”

There’s not much of an argument here, and it’s not like either of them will give up—or listen to logic for that matter. Besides, a slumber party—whatever that may entail—can’t be entirely bad, right? Theo’s willing to give it a try if it means hanging out with June more, but Ethan refuses to even accept the idea. He thinks it’s a waste of time that’ll only make the issue worse. And he can’t be blamed for his thoughts, no matter how cold they may be. 

If only any of them knew the true purpose of a slumber party.

-----

“All right! Everything has been prepared. The futons are laid out, tea has been brewed, and we’re dressed appropriately. Let us commence our first slumber party, brothers!” June laughs energetically, pumping a fist in the air.

“Sure.” Theo already regrets agreeing. The manager is absent, and somehow Ethan’s managed to join. “I’m glad everyone’s here.”

Ethan scoffs under his breath. “What’s the point in trying to sleep alone now? I’ll just hear you from outside my door.”

“What are we supposed to do, though? I’m a little confused.”

“Good question! Allow me to enlighten you.” Louis is holding a rose between his fingers as he speaks, twirling it as though it were a lock of hair. “You are to sleep wonderfully with the deepest of dreams! Naturally, that shouldn’t be a problem for us. After all, it’s called a slumber party for a reason. With this, I’ll finally be able to catch up on all of that precious beauty rest I missed.”

“Oh. We’re just supposed to sleep, then?”

“Precisely.”

Theo turns to June for confirmation, who says, “We’ll do all sorts of things to tire ourselves out so that we can sleep without fail!”

“That sounds fun, but I’m already tired. I’ll just finish my tea before heading to bed.”

Ethan nods, agreeing with Theo’s easy escape method. “I suppose I’ll do the same.”

“That’s hardly enjoyable,” Louis states, admiring the flower’s vibrant petals while letting out his signature laugh. “Doesn’t this color match Ethan’s charming hair? Perhaps he was born amongst the rose bushes to have gained such a blessed hue!”

“You talk too much.” 

“And you hardly talk at all! We should enjoy this night to its fullest potential. I propose we admire my beauty for the rest of the evening! My face will surely lull you to sleep, as will my splendid voice. Consider yourselves lucky! I’ll sing a lullaby for you, my sleepless friends.”

Louis makes a motion to begin singing, and he’s promptly cut off when a pillow is thrown at him, hitting him square in the face. On the other end is Ethan, whose brow lowers in a fierce glare. The perfect prince is shocked, mouth slightly agape at the audacity of his fellow teammate.

“My face!” he exclaims, bolting upright to get to the nearest reflective surface. 

June lets out another laugh, grabbing the pillow and testing its softness. “Excellent aim, brother Ethan! This seems like a worthwhile game. Catch, brother Theo!” 

Theo has just enough time to set his teacup down before the pillow makes contact with his chest. “Junee, I wasn’t ready!” There’s a hint of a smile on his features. “Louis, your face is fine. This pillow couldn’t hurt even a vengeful spirit.”

“How can you be so sure? Check the material! Anything could be a hazard to my endless perfection.”

June stands up to drag Louis back, an arm slung around him. “Fear not, brother! You’re glowing!”

“If you say so, then it must be true. You have an eye for perfection, June!” He swoops down to grab another pillow, eyeing it with a hint of mild distrust. “This should tire us out thoroughly!” 

The three Reapers toss pillows back and forth with the objective of hitting one another. Catching seems to be thrown out the window in favor of playing such a childish game. Every now and then, a pillow grazes Ethan, and despite his grumbling he ends up returning the throw, whacking June in the side. So begins a worthless contest of agility, strength, and endurance between Reapers who are far too giddy to continue this strange version of a pillow fight. 

“Isn’t this great?!” June asks when the constant barrage of pillows has slowed down. “I’m proud to spend this night with my brothers!” 

He tackles all three of them at once, which results in a pile of Day Reapers landing on the plush surfaces of their futons. Louis crows about his face once more, while Ethan sighs, more so bothered by the sudden act of affection than the actual fall itself. And Theo is just glad to have tried something new, despite the arbitrary implications of the events that led up to this moment. Nevertheless, it’s oddly fun. He’s never experienced this sort of glee before, and he’s certain the others haven’t either. For once, they’re closer than they’ve ever been, and that’s not just because they’re still on the ground in a tangle of limbs.

“This is like a new type of training! Let’s do it once more!” June is the first to get up, already gathering his own arsenal of pillows. 

In the beginning, Ethan wanted to ignore them and simply sleep like any normal person. Now he just wants to get the others to settle down. Against his better judgement, he reaches for a pillow. 

Theo chuckles, sensing where this’ll lead. Thankfully, he managed to clean everything earlier, so dust and germs won’t hold him back. “Junee, let’s do this together.”

“Nothing can stand in our way, brother!”

“I’ll be unable to forgive either of you if you leave so much as a dent on my fragile appearance! Have mercy on those who are good-looking.”

“Stop whining and get a pillow. This battle won’t be in their favor.” 

There’s an air of pride to Ethan, and rightfully so, as he’s ready to put a swift end to their antics. Just for tonight he’ll team up with the self-loving prince. He must be extra tired if he’s willing to side with him and take part in such a senseless game, but there’s nothing he can do now. He’s already committed, and he isn’t one to regret his decisions.

-----

The Day Team stands before both (Name) and Nyang Lead Manager the following morning, dead tired and yearning for a few more hours of coveted sleep. 

“We received lots of noise complaints—meow. Would you mind explaining yourselves?” Nyang hisses at the quartet, a bone-deep scowl on his furry face. 

“I’ll take care of it. You’ve got a lot of work to get to, so you shouldn’t have to stress over this,” (Name), their ultimate savior, offers kindly.

Nyang looks like he wants to protest, but he decides that they’ll execute a punishment per his orders. “Then don’t let me hear their ruckus again!” With another hiss, he exits (Name)’s office.

“So,” they say, analyzing each Reaper’s expression. Three out of four appear guilty, but they all seem groggy. “Now I know why June was asking me so many questions about slumber parties.”

“Manager, please forgive us. We’re truly sorry.” Theo attempts an explanation, but (Name) holds up their arm to silence him. 

“Are you kidding? You guys had all that fun and I wasn’t invited? We should hold a slumber party for the entire 14th Department! Then everyone can join in on the chaos.”

June overcomes his tired haze to nod enthusiastically. Theo looks like he could just faint on the spot, and Ethan is stone-faced. As usual for such an icy Reaper. 

“I’m just surprised Louis isn’t worried about his hygiene. You know, all of that beauty sleep and whatnot.”

“The light in here is simply horrendous!” Louis waltzes over to the windows, peeling the curtains aside so that he can bask in the warm light. “That’s much better.”

To everyone’s surprise, there’s no sign of sleep deprivation.

“Aren’t you lively today?” (Name) smiles, taking in Louis’s refreshed appearance.

“So you noticed! I slept like an infant in a castle of clouds. Ah, this is truly a wonderful morning. I’ve awoken, beauty sleep reclaimed, and have blessed everyone in the Department! Rejoice!”

Theo rubs his eyes, at a complete loss. “He...actually slept.”

June blinks twice, holding back a yawn. “Brother Louis truly is as radiant as the sun. So cool!”

Ethan sighs, already intent on moving forward from the previous night. “This was pointless to begin with.”

[the-wintershade]

lost without you | rain (3)

pairing: connor (rk800) x reader summary: You get patched up and reflect on the past you've been trying to get away from, Hank starts connecting the dots between you and Connor, and Connor finally accomplishes his mission.  wc: 5.9k+ genre: angst, fluff, mentions of abuse warning

Rain: series — 01 | 02 | 03

a/n: huge shoutout to @rosieatron​ for all of the hilarious memes you’ve made about this short series! 

Hank came as fast as he could, swearing under his breath as he heard a gunshot and another one proceeding the first. His pace quickened. He held his hand pistol in his hand as he approached the open door, the breeze playing with it, moving it back and forth. He saw the lock was busted and his senses sharpened. He didn’t know what he would find on the other side of that door but he was ready to find out.

He stepped in, gun held out to find two things: You and Connor laying on the floor (together?) and the deviant laying a few feet away, struggling to get back up. Hank moved to intercept the deviant before it tried its hand at a great escape.

“Ah, ah, ah.” Hank’s gun was trained on the deviant’s face. “I wouldn’t do that if I were you.” He walked over pulling him off the ground and sticking some handcuffs on him.

Then he moved his attention to the two of you. “Jesus,” He noticed Connor’s gaping hole in his shoulder. “Are the two of you alright?”

Connor turned to see Lieutenant Anderson standing behind him. “I’m fine, Lieutenant, but Officer (y/l/n) will need medical attention.” Connor gently situated you up right, careful to watch your injured arm. “She’s been shot in the arm.”

Just then, the sound of sirens filled the otherwise noiseless outdoors. A few cops rushed in, ready to fire, but lowered their weapons and moved to grab the suspect. Hank made his way over to you.

“Hey. Talk to me.” Hank kneeled by you, trying to get you to look him in the eye. When you did, a small grin took your face.

“I’m okay, it just hurts a bit, nothing a few Tylenol and some good medical care can’t take care of.” You made sure that answer was enough for him and continued to take a look at Connor. “Connor, on the other hand, is probably going to need some repairs.”

His LED blinked yellow at the mention of his name. He looked at Lieutenant Anderson, then back at you. “The repair process is quick and efficient, I should be fully restored by tomorrow.” He blinked a few times and did that head cock thing again.

“Good.” Hank moved to his feet. “I’m gonna go get the EMTs, they’ll probably be able to do something for you.”

“Lieutenant Anderson, I do not follow. I cannot be repaired by emergency medical -”

“Not for you. The girl.” Hank looked from Connor to you and then back to Connor.

“Oh.”

You laughed at his confusion and simple answer, it was cute after all. Connor watched you smile and could not help but feel his eyes light up too. Whenever you were happy, he was happy too.

Software Instability ^^^^^^^^^^^ [A9 EVIA]

...

The hospital lights were more bright and blinding than you last remembered, the brilliant white colors of the room bounced back and hit your eyes with no end. It took a few blinks and eventually your eyes were able to turn down its receptors enough to look around without immediately having to shut them again.

At least you knew where you were, it made the adjustment that much easier. Before, well, five years before, there were times where he just forced you in a car and drove. The only indication that could give you a clue as to where you were was the large billboards scattered along the interstates. You weren’t allowed to ask questions, no, it would be like a death sentence, so you only stared at the window and hoped it wasn’t somewhere remote. You also hoped this transition wasn’t permanent, maybe only a couple of days.

One time, you’d been forced to stay in the middle of the Nevada desert for two months with no access to a phone. Never again.

The machine beeping behind you gave you a perfect rhythm to think to as you stared out the window and watched the rain beat on the window with such a force, you thought shards of glass would shoot out at you. It takes you back to that day, if it hadn’t rained, if it wasn’t for the rain….

“Officer!” Connor waltzed through the door breaking off your memory. You were happy to see him, no doubt about it, but your face was still downtrodden and your eyes a bit glossy. You smiled and took a minute before you turned towards the sound of his voice.

The glass window betrayed your intentions as Connor saw your face in the reflection. “Officer (y/l/n), what seems to be the problem?” He stayed where he was, watching your eyes and face shift.

“Nothing.” You looked at him, your eyes now dazzling and upturned, the opposite from previously. Connor noted the way your hands tangled themselves together as you turned towards him. His heart sank. You still did not fully trust him. “Come here.” You patted on the bed.

Software Instability ^^^^^^^^^^^^ [A9 EVIAN]

Connor obeyed, waddling closer like a child. He made his perch on the end of your bed. His hands hung by his sides, his face attentive, but his eyes were turned down. The LED on his temple was whizzing a sad, despondent, yellow.

“Connor.” You leaned forward a bit waiting for his eyes to look at you, but they didn’t, instead pointed at the linoleum. “Connor.” Your voice prodded and you moved your head in a feeble attempt to get him to look at you. Finally, you reached out to cover his smooth hand with your own. “Connor.”

His eyes were captivated by the placement of your hand upon his own. He was shocked, if you did not trust him, why would you make a gesture such as this? He compelled his eyes to blink, just to make sure his sensors were picking up his visual information correctly. His head moved slowly to the side as his eyes slide up to yours, slanting slightly, trying to figure you out. How could you possibly be so complicated? Your words said one thing, but you did another. A ball of walking contradictions, one he desperately wanted to solve.

“What happened? You were just happy a second ago.”  Your eyes squinted.

“I just don’t understand. You say one thing and do another, you say you’re fine when you’re clearly not. How does that help? How does that effectively communicate your emotions?” Connor watched you for a hint of a response, small head tilts, and exaggerated blinks.

You sighed and laughed a bit, it’s true. Humans do tend to say one thing and do another. Maybe it’s just a fault in your programming. “You’re right. We, humans, are a bit faulty when it comes to communicating how we really feel. I’ll try to be better about that.” You patted his hand. “How did your repairs go?”

He looked over at his shoulder as if you could see it. “They were able to repair everything to full functionality.”

“Good.” You leaned back, your arm splint and shoulder patches restricting your full backward movement. Air came out of your nostrils as you exhaled, your slight frustration and pain going out with it. Because you were no longer close enough, your hand slipped out of the reach of Connor’s.

His gears were turning on what you had mentioned earlier. He watched the white comforter with a piqued interest, then his eyes moved back to yours.

“Officer (y/l/n), you mentioned previously you were fine when in fact you weren’t. What is the problem?” Connor persisted, he was going to get some answers.

“Just remembering some things, it’s nothing to fret over. Sometimes when I think back to my past, I see things I wasn’t able to see before. I guess that’s the power of hindsight, huh?” You closed your eyes a moment, feeling your pulse start to rise. Or the power of experiencing powerful emotions.

Connor believed that was only partially the truth, but he would not push. He would get his answers eventually, maybe you truly were not ready to reveal what you were thinking. In the meantime, Connor moved a bit closer, the bedding scrunching up a bit as he scooted towards the head of the bead where you lay.

“Officer?” Your eyes slowly pried themselves open.

“Yes?”

“I know it is not in my programming, but I wanted to say, I’m glad you are alright.”

His words warmed a part of your stomach, pumping its way through your veins and slowly turning your limbs to jelly. Your brain couldn’t form coherent words so you opted to say nothing, hoping the big grin on your face and your warming cheeks would suffice.

Software Instability ^^^^^^^^^^^^^ [A9 DEVIAN]

It did.

....

Hank eventually came to visit and uttered the words, “Wow, you look like shit.” You stifled an eye roll, hoping to convey that you were happy enough that he decided to come and visit. You, however, didn’t stifle your following remarks, “Says the man who’s like 50 and barely manages to comb his hair.”

He didn’t like that but chuckled to cover it up. One point you, zero for Lieutenant Anderson. He spoke to you a bit about how it was going with interrogating the deviant and how it was just like a normal case, Android abuse.

“Geez, the fucker had been beaten down so much, it’s no wonder he rebelled. I’d go bonkers.” Hank coughed a bit and moved to sit in the chair beside you, a cup of coffee in the paper cup he was holding.

“Anything else, any other signs of deviancy besides being tortured and beaten?” You had to be sure of everything.

“Naw. It’s a class A investigation.” Hank took a sip of his roasted low quality coffee beans. “Not like we haven’t seen something like this before.”

You nodded your head, your thoughts drifted to that night; stumbling in the rain, dizzy from exhaustion, trying to cover your tracks in the dirt beneath the tree cover. You blinked again, attempting to clear those thoughts.

“Anyway, Connor seems to miss your company.” He looked right at you, waiting for a reaction he was sure he was going to find. How much you stuck to that android raised his suspicions about the nature of the relationship between you two. Hank wasn’t convinced that an android could develop a crush on a human and vise versa, but if two people could make it happen, it was you two idiots. He swirled the coffee in his cup.

“Oh?” You turned towards him, your eyebrows raised. “I’ve only been gone a few days.” Your fingers knotted themselves together and Hank felt he was right about his hunch.

Hank upped the suspense of his response by taking a drink of disappointment, letting the brown, nearly tasteless liquid run down his throat. He felt your eyes on the side of his face as you waited for the answer. Yep, totally right. “He keeps looking over at your desk as if you’ll appear and starts throwing that damn coin around.”

He could have sworn he saw your face blush. “Well, tell him I’m getting released today and that I’ll be back tomorrow.”

“Uh huh. Well,” Hank stood. “I hope you get better soon, kid. We really could use your brain back down at the station instead of those nimrods.”

“I’ll see you soon, Lieutenant.”

“Uh huh.” He waltzed out of the room, another drink of liquid warmed his tongue and confirmed his suspicions were true. I always have to be the fucking wise guy.

...

There wasn’t anybody with when you signed yourself out of the hospital, not that you wanted there to be, right? You ambled through the oversized establishment, admiring the different colored tiles, the handprints that showed when you walked twenty-five feet, and the numbers on the rooms as you breezed past them. There was something so quiet and secluded yet spacious and open about hospitals that you couldn’t quite understand but you appreciated.

You pressed the button for the first floor as you stepped into the elevator, letting the pull to the ground relax you on your way out. Your blood froze as your eyes locked onto a jean jacket and a black beany. What? Trying to control your breathing, you swiftly sauntered out of the elevator and directly to your left, taking cover behind a wall. There’s no way, it isn’t possible. You were sure you had covered your tracks enough. Suddenly, he moved in your direction, but there was no way to go but up on an open staircase. You didn’t hesitate to move towards the first step. Your legs propelled themselves quickly but not fast enough to draw alarm. You heard footsteps right behind you. Shit. You hastily moved up the steps and jumped into the first room you saw, a bathroom thank goodness. Throwing yourself through the door, heart racing, your fingers fumbled over the lock before you heard the click as it sank into place.

Backing up, you leaned your body against the wall, taking a few breaths. Okay, calm down. You’re safe now. Your hand moved to stop over your heart to find it still racing. Closing your eyes, you controlled your breathing and brought your pulse down. You stayed in there a few minutes longer than necessary as you peeked around the corner with the man to be found no longer.

Letting the bathroom door close behind you, you nearly sprinted down the staircase and out to the parking garage across the street. Connor put your car on the second level, spot 26. You didn’t wait as you burst through another set of stairs and on up to the orange level. It was relatively close to the door you flew out of and you drew your keys briskly, tapping the unlock button and chucking the door open. Shutting it with an audible echo, you hit the lock button as if your life depended on it.

You took a few breaths and smoothed your hair, it couldn’t possibly be him, could it?

....

“He’s locked up, probably going to be disassembled.” Hank walked with you out of interrogation block and back to your desk.

“Why disassembled? Shouldn’t we give him a second chance like we give most criminals around here?” You sat down at your desk and held your chin.

“The rules are different for androids.” He shrugged and scooted closer to the computer screen.

“They shouldn’t be.” You swiveled around to pull up some files when Connor waltzed around the corner.

“What shouldn’t be, Officer?” He set some coffee down on Hank’s desk and Hank picked up, tilting his salute at him.

“That android, it shouldn’t be disassembled. We haven’t even given him a chance to fix his mistakes, immediately determining him a fall risk and shutting him down. We don’t do that with our other criminals, why just with androids?”

Connor’s LED moved to yellow as he thought about your statement, observing how passionate you seemed about the topic. He also found you shared information with him willingly, instead of aiming for your classical answer of, nothing, or fine. He felt that you trusted him more and more every time you spoke. He was making progress, getting closer to accomplishing his mission.

Hank looked at the android lost for words, wondering why he hadn’t responded yet. Then became more intrigued as time passed, if he wasn’t conflicted about the question, he would have answered by now. Hmm.

“The justice system has set standards and codes for the safety of humans and the upbringing of an-”

“I know, Connor. I just don’t think it’s fair.” You ran your hands through your hair and turned your attention back to the computer screen.

Connor’s LED moved to red and his head cocked as if he was going to add something to the conversation, his lips slightly parted, but he opted not to. He felt as if the conversation died the moment the two of you broke eye contact, that this mysterious energy he could sense through your gaze kept the two of you in this sphere where you could connect and talk but it was gone. He felt a little empty to be honest, like a book without an ending.

Hank took in the android’s behavior and squinted at him looking at you. “Connor.”

Connor turned his attention to Lieutenant Anderson. “Yes, Lieutenant.”

“Are you alright?”

His LED moved down to yellow. “Yes,” then blue. “I’m okay.”

“Whatever you say, Connor.”

Connor stood stunned into silence. What is going on with the humans?

...

Connor sat on the couch with Lieutenant Anderson, patiently waiting for you to arrive at the house of the Lieutenant. The Lieutenant sat watching the television with replays of what he learned to be a gaming show called “Family Feud.” He was lost at the prospect of there being a feud, more like just a temporary opposition, like opponents have in a game. These families clearly do not know each other and have not met before being on this show so it is not possible for there to be a feud.

“Neck! Neck, Alyssa, neck! Goddamnit! Why would she say brain?” Lieutenant Anderson threw up his arms in exasperation.

“Lieutenant, how can there be a feud? These families have no qualms with each other.” Connor turned his head sideways and moved his eyes to the side as he thought and then back at the Lieutenant.

“I don’t know and to be completely honest, I do not care. Now, shut up, I want to hear this.” Lieutenant waved at him. Connor did not understand this gesture either, but he did understand shut up, so he moved from the couch to the kitchen table where Sumo sat, curled into a little ball of warmth.

“Hello, Sumo.” Connor sat on the floor and reached his arm out to pet him. Sumo didn’t purr like a cat did, but his tail started wagging and that was enough indication that Sumo appreciated what he was doing. A smile formed on Connor’s face, happy that he could bring some comfort to the dog in front of him.

“Connor, get back in here!” Lieutenant Anderson’s voice rang from the sofa even though Connor was only a few steps behind him.

“Coming, Lieutenant.” He gave Sumo one last pat on the head before moving to rejoin the Lieutenant.

“And for God sakes, call me Hank. The whole Lieutenant thing gets on my nerves.”

“Sure thing,” Connor sat back on the couch. “Hank.” He smiled at the Lieutenant.

Hank watched Connor, “What’s going on with you and Officer (y/l/n)?” Connor’s LED flashed yellow. Ha!

“I’m not sure I know what you’re talking about, Hank.” Connor’s eyebrows scrunched up and his eyes shifted again.

“I’ve seen the way the light on your forehead changes whenever someone mentions her and I’ve seen the way you look at her. Is there something going on between you two?”

Connor was not positive what he meant by something going on, but he came to the conclusion - by Hank’s previous descriptions - that he was referring to something romantically inclined.

“Hank, are you implying that me and Officer (y/l/n) are romantically interested in each other?”

Hank coughed a bit and looked away. “In a very indirect way, yes.”

“Oh.” Connor moved his head towards the television screen and played back the time he spent with you. If he pinpointed the way he felt in those moments, then maybe it was so. Maybe he did take an interest with you in that way. He did want to be around you whenever he could, if you went into a dangerous situation alone, he wanted to be there, to protect you, and when you did not open up to him, it affected him greatly. He wanted you to trust him and the fact that you did not still nagged him, eating at the back of his mind.

Software Instability ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ [A9 DEVIANT]

“Well? Do you? Connor, it is okay if you do, she’s fantastic.”

“Hank, I’m not sure what I’m feeling. I’m not supposed to be able to feel anything.” Connor's eyes widened as he realized what was happening.

“It’s okay, son.” Hank clapped Connor on the back of the shoulder. “We’ve all been through it at some point in our lives.”

Connor was still searching for some logical answer to the emotions running through his head but he found none. Deviants felt the same things, their actions becoming irrational as a result of emulating emotions. His actions could not be irrational, could they be?

Sumo started barking, moving to the door and wagging his tail fondly. “What is it, Sumo?” Hank called moving from the couch. There was a knock at the door and Connor’s thirium pump speed up noticeably. Connor put a hand over where his mechanical heart lay, feeling it beat irregularly fast.

“(y/n), come in.” Hank opened the door wider to give you more room to walk in. Sumo launched himself at your legs and you bent down to rub him on the head. “Hey there, little man.” Sumo stuck his tongue out and rubbed his head against your bent knee.

Connor watched this whole exchange staring at your face, LED yellow, and a small grin lifting up the corner of his mouth.

Software Instability ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ [rA9 DEVIANT]

[Path Unlocked]

“Hello, Officer.”

You looked up from Sumo, to see him smiling. You weren’t sure why, maybe something Hank said earlier, but you created a smirk that mirrored his own. “Hi, Connor.”

....

Hank wanted to get the whole gang together to celebrate a job well done and to just have a night where the three of you could relax and talk together. After Connor spent a couple hours watching you and Hank down some beverages and speak out answers to that gaming programming, his mind drifted to Larkyn Cavallion and the way you evaded some of the questions he had asked that night he escorted you to your apartment. He did not want to pry but if he was going to accomplish his mission, he needed answers and that is what he was going to get.

“Officer (y/l/n), may I ask you a question?” He followed you to the kitchen on the way to refill the chip bowl.

“Sure.” You poured the chips into the bowl, the plastic of the bag crinkling as you shook it.

“Why were you giving me curt answers the last time I came to your apartment?”

You looked at him and narrowed your eyes, what was he getting at? “Because they didn’t need that long of a response.”

“What about ‘Larkyn Cavallion’?”

At this name you froze, eyes wide, stance stoic. Your eyes widened further but you didn’t answer him, only moved away from his position to the couch to put the bowl down.

“Officer, what’s wrong?”

“Connor, I don’t want to talk about this right now.”

“When do you want to? Something is bothering you and I want to help.”

“What if you can’t?!” Even Hank looked up at the both of you. Your gaze slowly moved towards him and his LED jumped to yellow as he saw the terror in your eyes. “What if you can’t help me, huh, Connor?”

“I didn’t mean to upset you -”

“No.” You tried to control your breathing. “This is not your fault.” You sighed. “I’ve been going through this thing for a long time and I -” You took a breath and felt the silence in the room weighing heavily on you like a pressure weighing on your shoulders.

You turned to Hank, “Thank you for the hospitality, Hank, but I think I should go.” You set the chip bowl down and grabbed your coat off the rack. You didn’t utter a word to Connor as you hustled your way out the door, patting Sumo on the head before you swung the door open. The door closed firmly behind you and Connor could not help but feel as if this was all his fault.

“What the hell was that about?” Hank turned to Connor who was still staring at the door.

“I don’t know. I was just asking a question.” Connor trailed off, trying to process what went wrong.

“Well, it pissed her off.” Hank watched Connor stuck in a daze. “What are you standing there for? Go after her.” He waved at the door.

“I don’t know what to do, Hank.” He looked at him with the eyes of a puppy dog.

“Connor, just talk to her. Ask the things she’s uncomfortable about, ask the things you’ve been itching to know about her. If you’re ever going to make a breakthrough, it’s now.”

Connor still stood there.

“Move your ass, Connor.” Hank gave him a push, it was enough to make him stumble forward.

That was all Connor needed as he took off into the pouring rain.

...

Your doorbell rang, but you sat on your sofa, watching the rain bead its way down the glass. To be frank, you didn’t feel like conversing right now, Connor’s questions opened up enough anxiety within you. Maybe it was time to leave again, maybe it was time for a fresh start, a clean slate. You rarely stayed in one place for longer than six months, it was what you had promised yourself in order to survive, in order to get a chance to live by your rules.

The buzzer sounded again.

The irritation in your veins started to boil over, why won’t they just go away? You didn’t answer the door for strangers, another part of moving frequently.

“Officer (y/l/n), I came to talk with you. I apologize for my behavior earlier, can we discuss it?”

Now you were really irritated. The last person you wanted to see right now was standing right outside your door. It wasn’t really the questions that upset you, it was how close he was to connecting the dots that teed you off. You’d worked so hard to maintain a low profile and Connor almost shot it to pieces with a few simple inquiries.

You sat for a second longer before pushing yourself off of the couch and looking through the peephole to make sure it was Connor. No matter how much you told yourself you wanted to run away, it was time to stop running, it was time to face the music, and that started with telling Connor the truth.

You took a deep breath and opened the door. His warm chocolate eyes greeted you, hair a bit disheveled from the rain, with a concerned look in his eyes, LED a buzzing yellow.

“Come in.” You opened the door wider.

Connor stepped in, immediately turning to you, his mouth moving a thousand miles a minute. “Officer (y/l/n), I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you upset, I took notice that you’ve been acting a bit strange. You’ve been on edge and evasive whenever I asked about what happened in the house when we were trying to catch the deviant, the name under your lease - which I discovered on accident -, and the way you furnish and decorate your living space. I want you to trust me. I want -”

You held up a hand to stop him from continuing. “It’s (y/n).”

He looked at you confused and jerked his head forward a little.

“My name. It’s (y/n). You don’t have to call me Officer (y/l/n) all the time, it seems a bit formal.”

Oh.

“(y/n),” He tested the name out. It was a beautiful name, but he was getting distracted and that was not the purpose of his visit.

“Do you want to sit?” You walked into the living room and he followed closely, eager to get the heart of what he came to talk about.

“(y/n), I -”

“I had an abusive boyfriend, well almost abusive, but very controlling.” You broke out, better to get to what he wanted to know - more like what he was going to figure out. “The alias, Larkyn Cavallion, was one I took on so that way he wouldn’t find me, it’s pretty far from my actual name.”

Connor’s LED turned a furious red as images played through his head of a previous boyfriend even thinking of doing even close to harmful things to you. His skin was on fire and he felt flames in his eyes. No one would ever be able to do that to you as long as he were around, he would assure that.

“I’ve been on the run for about five years, trying to escape him, and evade the chance that he might find me again.” You sat with your hands folded. Your voice was emotionless, but you felt a tidal wave of emotion flowing within you.

It felt as if you were free falling, all these memories you’ve tried to suppress finally breaking away from you and this invisible pressure lifting, but you were still falling. You were falling with no guarantee that something would catch you when the ground came into view, nor any certainty that this wouldn’t end in flame and ash. It was a leap of faith in the literal sense and you had to put your trust in Connor, an android, and believe that he wouldn’t spread this information like wildfire, but something inside you told you he wouldn’t.

You spared him a glance and couldn’t take the fire you saw in his orbs, so you looked beyond him. “The day I got away from him, I remember feeling something inside me break, like there was this fog that I was so obscured by that I couldn’t even see what was happening to me, like what was really happening. It felt as if it cleared and suddenly my brain started replaying all our conversations and moments, seeing them in a new light. I don’t know what brought on that wake-up call, but it hit and I knew it didn’t matter how or by what means I used to get out, I just needed to go.” Your hands started shaking and you took a deep breath to steady your voice so it wouldn’t shake.

“I stopped thinking about our entire relationship, I stopped wondering where I went wrong and how I didn’t see it earlier, I stopped pondering why I had let it go this far, I shut it all down. I had to. I grabbed all the cash I had, a couple pairs of clothes, a hat, and my coat and took off.

“He would be home at 3:45, it was 3:35 when I left. I had ten minutes to get as far away from that house as I could. So I ran, I ran through the pouring rain, ran through the tears, ran from that abusive, toxic person, and ran to a new life.

“I cut through the woods, but I forgot he would definitely see my footprints and a little while later I heard his truck. I went thirty minutes out of my way, creating a false trail with my shoes so that I could work my way onto a road and start stepping on leaves so that he couldn’t see the outline of my boots in the dirt. When I turned directions and looked behind me, the rain had been coming down so hard, my footprints were barely visible. I knew I had a chance, so I took off for the bus station.

“I hopped the first one I saw, bought a ticket to go literally anywhere, and as the bus pulled out of the station, I knew, I knew , that if there had not been a torrential downpour that day, he would have easily found me and dragged me back.

“The rain,” you paused, smiling at how significant something most people think is so little is for you. “The rain saved my life. The rain saved me from more years of emotional torture and abuse. The rain gave me a chance to live again.” You stopped, looking at Connor watching you with something soft in his gaze. He got up from the armchair and sat right next to you, waiting for you to continue.

“Since then, I’ve never lived in a place more than six months, I put a false name of the lease, I get a new license plate everytime my birthday comes around, I never make friends because I don’t want to leave any indication that I was around. I wanted to disappear. I wanted to become invisible.” Your eyes turned down towards your hands again, but Connor put his on top of yours, giving it a slight comforting, squeeze, just to let you know that he cared.

“Afterwards, I went through so many emotions, I couldn’t even tell you all of them, I just remember being hyper-aware of everything, all of my surroundings, all the time. I felt like I had to out of fear of him coming back. So now, I’m here, sitting with you, talking about this, for the first time in five years.” You finally looked at him again and saw his LED soften to blue.

“I’m not equipped with comforting people, but I do know that I’m very glad you were able to leave him and that you were able to live life as you should be able to. I understand why you acted the way that you did and I’m sorry for making you uncomfortable. I was attempting to try to help, but perhaps it wasn’t the right way of approaching it. I just wanted you to be able to talk to me and feel like you can rely on me.” Connor watched a smile break out on your face.

“Well, you got your wish.” You stared at him just as intently as he was staring at you. Connor felt his heart rate speed up again and his cheeks start to flush a bright blue, he had an urge to lean in and kiss you, but he shoved it down. He decided you didn’t need that right now, especially with all you’ve experienced, right now, you could probably use a good meal.

“(y/n)? Would you like me to make you something?” Connor watched your eyes light up, correct answer.

“That would be wonderful, Connor.” Connor got up to proceed to the kitchen, but you tugged on his sleeve a bit. “Wait.” You pressed a soft kiss to his cheek. “Thank you, thank you for listening to me, Connor.” You wrapped your arms around him and felt him return the embrace. He was not good with emotions but he was getting better. Watching all that television helped him understand more about these displays of affection. He felt comforted and good having you in his arms, he felt like he was protecting you.

“I’ll be here anytime you need me.” He hummed in response, holding you a little tighter.

[Mission Accomplished]

[Next Task: Take (y/n) on a date]

Connor would definitely fulfill that goal, you could count on that.

....

a/n: I am not in anyway knowledgeable on the topic of abuse, this is just for creative purposes only. If you are struggling with abuse or in an emotionally toxic relationship, please call 1−800−799−7233 or go to https://www.thehotline.org/ if you have an electronic device that is not monitored. Please, please get help. You are not alone, you are never alone, please, please remember that. I love you guys and want to see you physically, emotionally, and psychologically healthy.