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k-rising · 3 years ago

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Mark's birth chart analysis

DISCLAIMER: This is just a part of the analysis of the idol’s natal chart, which wants to show a deeper perspective on the idols life. This analysis is carried out thanks to the data that appears in the birth chart. These are my interpretations of the signs and how they work based on my experiences with them. Everyone has different opinions and all interpretation and experiences within is valid. The point of this post is to entertain. [This idol hasn’t confirmed his birth time, so I used the standard 12pm time to calculate his natal chart].

𝐕𝐢𝐫𝐠𝐨 𝐒𝐮𝐧

likes to serve others

nervous

detailed oriented

mark is constantly doing things

responsable

Sun conjunct Mercury

his ego and mind are in tune with each other

the way he communicates depends on the state of his ego

has great pride towards his opinions and beliefs

Sun trine Uranus

a visionary

a humanitarian

in tune with his intellect and inner genius

comfortable with being different

might hate being labeled

inventive

always looking towards the future

Sun trine Neptune

sensitive

in touch with his spiritual side

sensitive to the environment and to others

empathetic

𝐀𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐌𝐨𝐨𝐧

impulsive

temperamental

straightforward

independent

VERY honest and direct

spontaneous

likes having a bit of drama in his relationships to make things interesting and fun

Moon opposite Mars

prone to arguments

passionate

defensive

short temper

inner restlessness

tends to win all the arguments

Moon opposite Jupiter

tends to worry A LOT about EVERYTHING

overthinking 24/7

questions himself a lot

very forgiving

extremely generous

he can also make promises he can't keep...

mark always sees the good in others

doesn't want to see the negative sides or the red flags in his connections

Moon square Uranus

he may experience many sudden mood swings

there can be many emotional conflicts as well as conflicts between independence and dependency here

mark seeks for intimacy, but when he has it, he feels suffocated

he also doesn't like to share his feelings unless he wants it

Moon square Neptune

tends to idealize everything

confused about how he really feels

mark has the need to give so much love to EVERYONE

seeing people suffering affects him so much !!

sensitive to other's emotions

𝐕𝐢𝐫𝐠𝐨 𝐌𝐞𝐫𝐜𝐮𝐫𝐲

mark doesn't like when things seem out of control

he's good at taking care of practical things

likes when others give him credit for his intelligence

he's a great organizer and planner

witty

logical

he likes that everything is structured and organized

mark may have trouble saying 'no'

analytical

can become very critical not only with others, but also with himself

has a selective mind

is always looking to be productive

Mercury trine Uranus

open minded

a rebel

thinks outside of the box

he's ALWAYS searching new ways of doing things

has little patient

mark can also have sudden genius ideas

prefers learning new things by himself

accepts others ideas

he doesn't care about what others think of his own thoughts and beliefs

gets bored easily

Mercury trine Neptune

very artistic

there's a lot that goes on in his mind, but he doesn't express it

can get lost in his imaginative world

Mercury sextile Pluto

highly observant

attracted to secrets and mysteries

tries to understand the world through intellectual means

loves figuring out problems

𝐋𝐞𝐨 𝐕𝐞𝐧𝐮𝐬

in love with love

EXTREMELY caring

mark wants a partner he can be proud of

LOVES showing his lover off

wants to be the center of his partner world

hates feeling rejected/ignored

wants a person who will adore and admire him

wants someone who's charismatic, dramatic, entertaining and bold

needs a lot of excitement to be happy

Venus sextile Mars

diplomatic

acts based on his instincts

tends to follow his heart

very romantic

Venus trine North Node

it's easy visualizing a future with his partner but lacks action to create that future

mark's mission in this life is to do something related to arts

𝐋𝐢𝐛𝐫𝐚 𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐬

PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE

has the need to balance everything !!

mark always play innocent when he’s challenged

reflects about things before he acts

defends himself and others

there’s also a tendency to take other people’s actions too personally

he’s great at solving conflicts

he doesn't want to be mean or unfair

Mars conjunct Jupiter

ambitious

mark needs a job where he can be active and use all his energy and his body

very optimistic and passionate about his beliefs

actually, mark possess some strong beliefs, tho

opinionated

talking about work again, mark is gonna be very lucky in everything he does

Mars square Uranus

this man possess an erratic attitude and restless energy

mark can have some unpredictable and shocking behaviors

Mars square Neptune

drawn to anything mysterious, as well as intrigued by things that might seem unusual

lack of confidence

sensitive to criticism, so it was probably so hard for him to pursue his goal when he was a trainee

tends to do things for others... however, there's gonna be times were he feels resentment towards them and starts questioning his friendship/relationship with those people

gets disappointed when things don't turn out as he expected

mark may go to extremes

he may find himself attracted to partners who are 'unavailable' in some way as well

there's also a possibility here of experimenting a lot sexually OR he may feel quite insecure about it

mark can also lower his standards a lot when it comes to finding a partner and may feel like he settles for less which can be due to a lack in confidence or not feeling like he deserves more :(

tends to imagine the worst of situations

he also projects his fantasies onto his partners and sees how he wants to see on them rather than being able to see people for who they actually are

is important for mark to express himself and do something that keeps him stimulated and fulfilled

he needs a big dream to accomplish rather than something ordinary

𝐋𝐢𝐛𝐫𝐚 𝐉𝐮𝐩𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐫

prioritizes relationships and connections with others

values love

will have good luck in his connections

he also likes helping people through his job

mark is lucky when he's fair and diplomatic

again, doing something related to art and/or fashion appeals him

mark is very stylish and elegant

Jupiter trine Saturn

has an excellent comprehension

feels responsible for communicating to others

well informed

Jupiter square Uranus

can have a hard time focusing on his job

may be unhealthily addicted or stimulated by change

I also think that he was forced to grow up too soon with this aspect...

Jupiter square Neptune

wants to evolve and make his wishes and dreams come true

with this aspect I feel that there's a limitation of his abilities which doesn't allow him to do bigger jyp i hate you :)

feelings can also be brainwashed in some way

𝐀𝐪𝐮𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐮𝐬 𝐒𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐧

mark may become too isolated from people and/or may have a hard time making/maintaining friendships

has a superiority complex for being original

it can be hard for him go be accepted by others

mark needs to learn to be more tolerant and impartial

Saturn square Pluto

can have serious control issues

power hungry

persistent

𝐒𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐮𝐬 𝐍𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐡 𝐍𝐨𝐝𝐞

in this life, mark needs to expand his knowledge and develop his morals

he needs to be curious

indeed, this position indicates that mark needs to travel a lot and is going to make his career abroad

he needs to take some risks and go with the flow.

#mark #mark tuan #got7 #mark astrology #mark tuan astrology #got7 astrology

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nearlymanaged · 5 years ago

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4. Remus’ Secret

It had been a couple of weeks since Sirius had come out to his friends, but Moony still hadn’t flung himself into his arms, confessing unbridled attraction. If anything, he seemed more distant now. Almost as distant as he used to get every month before Sirius, James, and Peter found out about his furry little secret. They did have quite different schedules this year that sometimes caused them to not run into each other for half a day, but Remus’ strange coldness seemed to go beyond that.

Sirius was starting to feel a little hurt, thinking that maybe Remus wasn’t as okay with him being bisexual as he claimed, so he confronted him about it one evening in the common room. It turned out to be a rather anticlimactic exchange since Remus assured him, quite convincingly, that it was completely ridiculous of Sirius to even think that. He said he was simply tired all the time since they had come back to Hogwarts and then made some stupid joke about being ready for death to take him.

This particular evening he seemed perfectly energised and happy while doing homework with Evans in the corner of the common room. Sirius was sitting in one of the prime armchairs in front of the fireplace with James and Peter, and if he hadn’t been so preoccupied with repeatedly stealing glances at Moony and Evans, he would have seen that James was doing the same thing.

“Since when is Moony such good friends with Evans?” Peter unknowingly voiced what they were all thinking when the sound of Remus and Lily’s laughter filled the room momentarily.

“Nerd solidarity, I suppose,” Sirius mumbled, watching Remus push the sleeves of his jumper up, seemingly oblivious to how unexpectedly attractive that was.

“I never realised Ancient Runes homework was that much fun,” James mumbled, pouting slightly.

“Are you jealous, Prongs?” Sirius asked, a tickled grin spreading across his face.

“Aw, he is! Prongs is jealous!” Cackled Peter.

Just then, Remus walked over to them, still beaming. “Prongs is…” He glanced back at Lily over his shoulder. “Prongs is jealous?”

“No, I’m not,” James folded his arms over his chest, which didn’t help make his statement any more convincing.

“How curious,” Remus said brightly and made himself comfortable on the couch next to Peter while Sirius draped himself across the armchair, his head hanging off the side.

“D’you know what? I’m jealous too.” He looked over at Remus with a smirk.

“That’s messed up, Sirius. Lily’s the mother of James’ future children.”

“Who said anything about Evans?” Sirius locked eyes with Remus, that same smile still playing on his lips. For a second, Black thought he saw Moony blush, but he couldn’t tell whether it was just the flickering fire light playing tricks. Moony scrunched his eyebrows and turned away to point at the notice board.

“Did you lot see that? Hogsmeade dates have been posted.”

“Yeah, first one’s in a couple of weeks.” Peter nodded. “I’ve thought about this, and I think the best thing for me to do is ask Lydia if she wants to meet up in Three Broomsticks. Then she won’t feel like she has to spend the whole day with me...but if she wanted to, she could.”

“Wormtail.” Sirius impatiently propped himself back up. “Why wouldn’t she want to spend the day with you? You need to have more confidence, mate.”

“Easy for you to say.”

“No, it’s not. You think it was easy for me to listen to my dear mother list all the ways in which I’m a disappointment for years?”

“I didn’t mean--”

“Don’t worry about it. I’m just saying, you can’t please everyone, but you can’t let that get to you. Lydia seems pretty interested in you, and even if it doesn’t work out in the end, well...c'est la vie,” Sirius ended his little pep talk with a shrug and Peter went back to his essay, looking slightly more bewildered than before.

“Anyway,” Remus enunciated slowly. “Perfect timing, I have just about enough chocolate to last me two weeks.”

* * *

The heavy clouds above the castle seemed to be turning a darker shade of grey every day, and the sixth years were becoming more and more stressed with every lesson. Now that Remus had positively become friends with Lily Evans, he was thanking his lucky stars for it. He strongly suspected he might have lost his mind without someone to do Ancient Runes homework with.

He also noticed that Lily didn’t mind being in James’ immediate vicinity as much anymore, and James in turn had halted his incessant hitting on her for the time being. Remus had also noticed that Sirius hadn’t been spotted snogging or asking anyone out in quite a while; in fact, it hadn’t happened once since the beginning of term. He couldn’t help but harbour a secret hope that it would go on indefinitely and then he wouldn’t have to pretend that seeing Sirius with someone else didn’t bother him.

Although realistically, he didn’t really count on that. Especially since Sirius had come out about being bisexual. That just meant that now Sirius could choose out of twice the amount of people who were more attractive than his boring old friend.

Still, Remus could not refrain from coming up with imaginary scenarios in his head, in which Sirius would ask him out or confess his feelings for him, or kiss him… Initially, completely against his own will, Remus let his hopes go up just a tiny bit (that’s when the daydreaming started in full force), so he started avoiding Padfoot as a means of self preservation. That hadn’t lasted very long though, because Sirius interpreted that as Remus having a problem with him and confronted him about it...

This particular morning, a few days before the Hogsmeade trip, saw the castle brutally whipped by ice-cold rain. It was looking like their Saturday was going to be spent sipping butterbeer indoors instead of wandering around the village.

“You’ve got jam on your face, did you know?” Sirius grabbed a napkin without missing a beat, leaned over the breakfast-laden table, and dabbed the corner of Remus’ mouth. “There you go, skip along now, my love.”

Remus, who had just announced that he needed to leave to make it to Ancient Runes on time, felt his ears go ablaze, the colour spreading to his cheeks. He wasn’t sure why it startled him so much. Surely, Sirius would have done the same to either James or Peter, wouldn’t he have? That was just how he was. “Right,” Remus cleared his throat, gathering his composure. “I’ll see you lot at lunch then.”

“Wait up, Lupin!” Lily caught up with him in the middle of the entrance hall. “So I’ve noticed…” She began brightly, yet hesitantly but then trailed off. “Are...are you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m fine, what do you mean…” Remus tried to sound normal, very aware that he was still blushing. “What have you noticed?”

“Nothing. How did you get on with the Einang stone essay?”

They talked about their homework all the way to the sixth floor, but Remus couldn’t shake off the feeling that Lily was going to say something about the scene at breakfast. He wasn’t even sure that Peter and James had noticed it, but he had gathered by now that Lily was a lot more perceptive than most people. Plus, she kept giving him strange looks all throughout the Ancient Runes lesson and then it continued on the very windy grounds (it had stopped raining), during Care of Magical Creatures.

“Obviously, you don’t need to answer if you don’t want to, but...” Lily began, her voice ever so gentle, while they were making detailed sketches of fwoopers with notes about all their magical properties. “But can I ask you something personal?”

“You can ask, yes.”

“Do you like boys?”

Remus stared at her with a mixture of surprise and horror, until he felt a sharp pain in his hand - he had squeezed the little bird he was using for reference so tightly that it pecked at his flesh angrily. “Why-- Why do you ask?” He tried to sound politely surprised as he shook his hand in the air.

“Please don’t get upset with me,” Lily was gazing at him tentatively with her brow furrowed now. “I’ve noticed a while ago now, sometime last year… And then lately, since you and I... I couldn’t help it, really. I’ve seen the way you look at him, when you think that no one’s watching…”

Remus felt a strange mixture of his heart sinking and feel lighter all at once. Now that someone else knew, it felt like that would make it easier to carry this secret around, somehow. He blankly stared at his half finished sketch for a moment before speaking in a low, determined voice. “Please don’t tell anyone.”

“You have my word.”

“Not that it matters anyway,” he added before he could stop himself.

“How do you mean? Is it because you’ve been friends for so long?”

“Well that too, but… I mean, look at me,” he laughed out uncomfortably rather with a roll of his eyes.

“Yes, I am…?”

“I’m about as exciting as Binns’ lessons, with a sweet bonus of ugly scars.”

Remus was surprised by how open he was with Lily. Curiously, it was really easy to talk to her about it. He’d shared so many secrets, confessions, and pains with his three friends, that sometimes he felt like he had maxed out, like he didn’t want to trouble them with any more of his problems. But it was different with Lily, perhaps because they were just becoming friends.

“I don’t think that about you at all, if you care to know,” she informed him, a strange spark lighting up her eyes. “I’ve grown to like you a lot lately and I can objectively say that you are tenfold better than what you seem to think about yourself.”

“You’re only saying that because you thought my friends and I were enormous pricks for years,” Remus smirked at her, feeling his heart grow to twice its size in his chest. “That’s a low bar.”

“Thought?” Lily grinned devilishly, making them both laugh. “Seriously, the more I’m getting to know you, the more I feel like maybe your friends can’t be all that awful after all. You are a beautiful person, Remus. You are!” She added when he rolled his eyes again.

“Sure, Evans.”

“I’ve heard he’s into boys too.” Lily ignored Lupin’s retort and then her face split into an excited smile.

Remus rolled his eyes once more… And yet, he couldn’t help but feel happier and lighter for the rest of the day, even when it started raining again towards the end of Cary of Magical Creatures.

#wolfstar #wolfstar fanfiction #remus lupin #sirius black #james potter #lily evans #peter pettigrew #marauders #hogwarts #fanfic

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mediaevalmusereads · 4 years ago

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An Extraordinary Union. By Alyssa Cole. New York: Kensington, 2017.

Rating: 3/5 stars

Genre: historical romance

Part of a Series? Yes, Loyal League #1

Summary: As the Civil War rages between the states, a courageous pair of spies plunge fearlessly into a maelstrom of ignorance, deceit, and danger, combining their unique skills to alter the course of history and break the chains of the past . . . Elle Burns is a former slave with a passion for justice and an eidetic memory. Trading in her life of freedom in Massachusetts, she returns to the indignity of slavery in the South—to spy for the Union Army. Malcolm McCall is a detective for Pinkerton's Secret Service. Subterfuge is his calling, but he’s facing his deadliest mission yet—risking his life to infiltrate a Rebel enclave in Virginia. Two undercover agents who share a common cause—and an undeniable attraction—Malcolm and Elle join forces when they discover a plot that could turn the tide of the war in the Confederacy's favor. Caught in a tightening web of wartime intrigue, and fighting a fiery and forbidden love, Malcolm and Elle must make their boldest move to preserve the Union at any cost—even if it means losing each other.

***Full review under the cut.***

Mild spoilers in the Plot section.

Content Warnings: racism, threat of sexual assault, use of the n-word, violence, blood, false rape accusations

Overview: I first became aware of Alyssa Cole via Courtney Milan’s recommendations page, and I decided to start with this Civil War spy romance because... why not? It looked fun! And it was, to an extent. I liked the high stakes, the dynamics of the romance, the characters themselves. But what ultimately prevented me from giving this book more than 3 stars was the plot, romance trajectory, and some aspects of the prose. Of course, your mileage may vary, so if you’re a fan of romance, I suggest giving this book a try for yourself.

Writing: Cole’s prose is fairly clear and easy to read. It flows well, so you can skim or read more in-depth, depending on your preference, and I think that works for the genre Cole is writing in. I also really liked that Cole would drop in random quotes from classic literature to demonstrate Elle’s eidetic memory, and I liked that she was able to communicate the stakes of each scene without overwhelming the reader with infodumps.

I do think, however, that Cole relies a bit too much on telling instead of showing. We’re told over and over again through the characters’ inner thoughts that they have feelings for one another, but I didn’t quite see how those feelings were brought about externally. The banter and the arguments, while good, didn’t quite foster feelings of romantic connection, and I wish a little more was done to show the characters’ chemistry, rather than being told that they had an effect on one another.

Plot: Aside from the romance, the majority of this book revolves around Elle and Malcolm as they infiltrate a Southern senator’s house to learn more about Confederate operations during the Civil War. While I liked the idea, I ultimately thought Cole could have done a little more to give this plot structure. Both Malcolm and Elle seemed to be placed in the house to be on the lookout for any useful information, so from the get-go, it didn’t feel like they had a strong purpose. I think I would have liked to have seen Elle go in with the knowledge that the Confederates were planning something; maybe the Union/Loyal League had whiff of a plot to break the blockade, and Elle is tasked with doing everything in her power to make sure that blockade stays in place.

I also think Cole could have made her characters a little more agentive. While I liked that Malcolm was purposefully flirting with the Senator’s daughter to weasel his way into their good graces, it felt like both Elle and Malcolm were passively waiting for information to fall into their laps. I would have liked to see more scenes of them sneaking into the Senator’s office, trying to find letters or other information, or something else that required the characters to be proactive. The only real scene where we got that, I feel, was when the two went after Dix, the engineer, but even then, they seemed to just follow him out into the woods before getting accosted by slave catchers, forcing them to return home with nothing useful (which they don’t seem too disappointed about).

Speaking of the pursuit of Dix, many scenes seemed to be like this one, and by that I mean many seemed to have been inserted into the plot to create empty tension or action. The characters don’t really get anything useful out of following Dix; the scene was mostly there to give Malcolm and Elle some time to talk and to put Elle in danger. There were others that I felt had a similar purpose. The scene where Elle suspects Malcolm of being a double agent, for example, seemed to come out of nowhere and be over and done with way too quickly, only used to manufacture false tension and then give the two a reason to be alone together. The ending, too, seemed to rely on a lot of exciting things happening in quick succession, and while I liked that it forced the characters to think quickly and make plans, it also felt like Elle and Malcolm had to rely on surprise plans from other people and impossible coincidences.

Lastly, I think the prologue was an odd episode to serve as the book’s initial inciting action. We open with Elle going undercover to pass a message to another operative, and just as she does so, she is harmed by some racist separatists and blacks out. One year later, Elle has recovered and is on a new mission in Virginia, and we learn that she was saved by none other than Malcolm himself. While I felt that this prologue could have worked if Elle and Malcolm hopped around the South on missions and kept meeting up again and again, the events of the prologue didn’t seem to have much significance other than to show that Malcolm had met Elle once before, and even that revelation fizzled out soon after they both realized it. I think I would have liked a more sustained plot where Elle and Malcolm kept crossing paths while doing spy missions, or else have the prologue feature something like a secret meeting where men are talking about building the ironside.

Characters: Elle, our heroine, is a smart, sharp-tongued Black woman with an eidetic memory and a fierce devotion to the Union. I really liked the nuance she brought to interpretations of the abolitionist movement and the politics of slavery and race relations; she would frequently call Malcolm and other well-meaning white people out on their inability to see slavery and racism as something that affects individuals (they see it rather as an abstract concept). I also really liked that she knew her worth but was conscious of what acting on her anger and frustration could do to jeopardize her goals. It made her feel pragmatic and human at the same time, which I very much enjoyed. The only thing I didn’t like about her was that she seemed to keep going back and forth on what she wanted with Malcolm, but more on that in the next section.

Malcolm, our hero, is a Scottish undercover detective for the Pinkertons. I liked that he had a roguish personality without being a Scottish stereotype - he didn’t drop a lot of random slang words, nor was he overly violent or drunk. His main asset was his charisma and his ability to weasel his way into places of power, and I think Cole showed that well. I also liked that he served as a vehicle to explore topics relating to racism, and he was constantly learning about how to be practically anti-racist, not just generally not racist (if that makes sense). I do think, however, that Malcolm made way too many stupid mistakes for one supposedly so good as his job, and I think his attraction to Elle was too insta-lovey for my tastes (but more on that below). He also seemed to have no serious character flaws to overcome; he rather seemed to be a “nice guy” whose only “flaw” was that he just had some things to learn about the Black experience.

Side characters varied in the quality of their usefulness to the plot, but I think Cole wrote them all with good purposes in mind. Susie, the Senator’s daughter who Malcolm flirts with, was appropriately written, being neither an exaggerated villain nor a sympathetic product of her time. The fellow slaves at the Senator’s home were likeable and I enjoyed the way Elle expressed her affection for them; I wish Mary’s plans had been foreshadowed a bit more, but it is what it is. Probably the most underutilized character, in my opinion, was Rufus, whose true identity comes at a surprise to Elle and Malcolm. I feel like a rival espionage plot could have worked well in this story, especially if Elle and Malcolm’s story had been more reluctant-allies-to-lovers, but Rufus’ twist seemed to come out of nowhere and only be important in the last 50 or so pages of the novel. Dix, too, could have been more of an interesting character, but he seems to exist only to put Elle and Malcom in a risky position. Nothing really comes out of his character.

Perhaps the least compelling character, in my opinion, was Daniel, Elle’s supposed longtime friend who was born free but sold into slavery. Daniel never makes an actual appearance on the page; Elle talks about him a lot, but since we never actually see them interact, I felt like I was expected to care about a person I never met. The drama with Daniel seemed to exist to either create jealousy in Malcolm or serve as a way to make Elle trust Malcolm, and honestly, I don’t think Daniel needed to be included at all.

Romance: While I liked the idea of this romance, Elle and Malcolm’s story ultimately didn’t work well for me because I personally found it insta-lovey and somewhat repetitive. Malcolm is attracted to Elle right away, which isn’t a problem, but it seems like they developed feelings for one another after their initial chat in the woods. I prefer my romances to build up over time, with characters falling for one another after becoming emotionally vulnerable and bonding over shared values or helping one another overcome personal character flaws. Elle and Malcolm, by contrast, had some nice banter, but Elle would push Malcolm away, then remember how attractive he was, then the two would kiss or be intimate before Elle would declare they couldn’t be together because it compromised their jobs, and the cycle would repeat. While a conflict of interest could be an interesting point of tension in a romance, I personally felt like Elle was too back-and-forth, and I personally don’t find that back-and-forth very compelling.

I also found some of the sex scenes to be a bit too clinical and clipped, which may work for some people but may not for others. Personally, I like my sex scenes to show not just physical intimacy, but emotional intimacy, and it seemed like some of them were used to that effect while others were just... “she did this. he did this.” I think I would have liked to see Cole put more pressure on the idea of sex as comfort. The first time Elle and Malcolm are physically intimate together, Elle describes it as seeking comfort. However, it’s not really brought up again, and I think it would have been interesting to expand on the idea, perhaps by portraying their reluctant allyship as first a purely physical release/escape to something more emotional and mutually supportive.

TL;DR: An Extraordinary Union brings some much needed diversity the romance genre, and while it has an intriguing plot and likeable characters, it also features a fairly cyclical romance and depends on things happening to the characters, rather than the characters being active subjects.

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fuzzyface · 6 years ago

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“You make your own fairytale” - Jester, comphet, and realizing you might not want what you thought you did

It’s no secret to anyone who follows me that I headcanon Jester as a lesbian and have enjoyed pointing out the not-so-straight moments she’s has on the show every week. Until recently, I wasn’t any more invested in this than I usually am in my lgbt headcanons - which is to say it’s fun and meaningful to me but I don’t think it holds much weight outside of my own imagination.

However…

These past few weeks finding “evidence” for this headcanon has felt like less a treasure hunt for subtext and more like just… watching the show. It’s been very easy lately to read Jester’s behavior as that of a closeted lesbian or bi woman, to the point where I’ve started questioning whether it even makes sense to continue calling it a “crack theory” or “conspiracy”. If you’re willing to entertain the belief that gay readings of characters don’t always have to be purely self-indulgent, please enjoy this long-winded explanation as to why I think there’s a legitimately good chance that Jester is canonically in the middle of figuring out her sexuality.

To start I want to say that, no, I don’t think this is something that was planned from the start. I don’t have a portal to the inside of Laura Bailey’s head, but if I had to guess I’d say that she probably left Jester’s sexuality “undecided” at the start of the campaign, but defaulted to having her like men. Even then I didn’t see her as straight, but there were decidedly less ‘moments’ early in the campaign to support that. This actually lines up fairly well with my theory, which is that Jester’s arc is one of self-exploration. But more simply, I think the idea probably just wouldn’t have occurred to Laura when she was busy just trying to get a feel for the basics of her character. I don’t consider any of the early campaign to “contradict” anything I’m going to say next, I just know somebody would bring it up if I didn’t address it first.

(I have some friends who do very firmly believe that Laura is playing the full long con with Jester and has been slow-burning her sexuality crisis since the start of the campaign, and they’re valid, but I won’t really get into that here since that’s not my personal interpretation. If Laura wants to prove me wrong on a Talks episode sometime in the future, I will gladly eat my words.)

Jester did start out as a character who ostensibly “liked men” but even from the start I thought her way of interacting with that attraction was… interesting. She had an idea in her head of what an ‘ideal man’ was like and projected it onto nearly every man she found attractive, regardless of their actual personalities. All the men she likes are dashing, they’re all handsome heroes, they’re all suave and they’re all definitely interested in her. She thought she wanted a fairytale prince, and so she saw fairytale princes everywhere she looked. It was also really interesting to me that she never made an effort to pursue most of the men she was ‘attracted’ to. With the notable exception of Fjord, she only commented on the appearance of men after she was already distanced from them. Even Nott - the married woman - made more actual passes at men they met than Jester - the romance obsessed one - ever did. Jester seemed to care more about using her attraction to men as a way to gossip and bond with the rest of the party than she did about using it to actually court anyone.

Speaking of Fjord… boy, he’s a whole thing in of himself. Fjord was the first man she ever befriended outside of the very small bubble of people she knew growing up. He was nice to her, they trusted each other, their meeting probably felt like fate, and because of that Jester thought she was in love with him. The fact that Jester was in love with the idea of Fjord rather than the real him was something I had been speculating for a LONG time, but now that Laura has outright confirmed it I can talk about it without having to use any sort of disclaimer. Jester took a very short amount of time to decide that she was “in love” with Fjord, and almost all of the instances where her attraction was most obvious were prompted not by anything he did, but by things that reinforced Jester’s own beliefs on what romance was supposed to be like. She bought a cheesy smut book and started comparing Fjord to the protagonist because of course he’s exactly like Oskar - he’s a man and he’s handsome, isn’t he? Another woman flirted with Fjord and Jester got sick with jealousy because he’s supposed to fall in love with her, isn’t he? When the two of them were free from expectations they were cordial friends with no particular tension between them; it’s when Jester was reminded that they’re ‘supposed to be’ a love story that she got anxious, upset, or started putting on an obvious front.

A lot of this could be argued away as Jester just trying to take things too fast, but what really stood out to me was that Jester never seemed happy about her crush on Fjord. She wasn’t giggly and bubbly when talking about him, and with few exceptions she didn’t seek him out to spend extra time with him or confide her desires in him. The three times she openly addressed her crush - to Nott, the Traveler, and Caleb respectively - she was anxious, confused, or outright upset. Her talk with Nott seemed like she was trying to get reassurance that she was “normal” and that she was having the “correct” feelings in response to Fjord kissing her, which is extremely easy to read as Jester starting to realize that she might not have the feelings for men that she “should” have. Her conversation with Caleb was equally distressing, because by that point she was starting to see her fantasy was falling away. She asserted that she was “stupid” for believing it in the first place and openly admitted that she’s no longer sure her feelings still exist now that the idealism is gone. From that point forward all of Nott’s attempts to set her and Fjord up only caused her more anxiety and distress. The couple of times they were forced to be alone together they were stilted and awkward - a far cry from their original easy friendship - and after a point, Jester started to turn down offers to spend time with him altogether. “No, he’s not flirting with me,” she said, no longer even able to pretend she’s excited by the prospect.

The thing about Jester is, so much of her outward personality is based on appearances. She acts happy and cheerful and confident all the time because she thinks she has to, and she’s an accomplished liar who doesn’t like other people to see her upset or doubtful. Only in drastic situations does Jester willingly let someone see her vulnerable. It would have been incredibly easy for Laura to play Jester as her usual, cheerful, ‘no problems here’ self during her conversations about Fjord if we weren’t supposed to interpret her as being obviously and deeply conflicted. Something in her head felt very, very wrong when Fjord kissed her for her to be able to tell Nott that the only thing it made her feel was “not dead”. Something in her mind didn’t click right when she finally got what she wanted for her to be able to tell Caleb that she wasn’t even sure her crush was real.

The slow resurgence of the bond between Fjord and Jester recently made me wonder if I was wrong about my interpretation, if maybe Jester had just been sulking because she thought Fjord didn’t like her, and now she was convincing herself again that he did. But Laura confirming on Talks that Jester was mostly over her crush on Fjord solidified for me that her arc was intentionally about learning how to move on from unhealthy infatuation. So if it’s undeniably canon that Jester’s only real crush on a man was based on her misunderstanding both the situation and her own desires, and it’s canon that she is moving on from that attraction and starting to learn what she actually wants, that leaves us with the question: Where is Jester going from here?

I’ve talked a lot so far about Jester’s relationship to men and how so much of it mirrors the experience of a woman dealing with comphet; performatively talking about attractive men without pursuing them, idealizing and projecting ‘ideal’ traits onto crushes instead of developing them naturally, convincing herself she’s in a fairytale romance because a man was nice and nonthreatening towards her. But being a wlw doesn’t ‘require’ comphet, and regardless I can’t - and wouldn’t - build a gay headcanon just around her feelings about men. So let me talk now about Jester’s relationship with women.

Jester has been naturally complimentary of women since the start of the campaign. She’s quick to call them cute, call them pretty, compliment their clothes. I don’t necessarily think - until more recently - this was meant to be read as ‘not straight’. If anything I think it was just another example of Jester’s naturally flirty personality - she likes to compliment people, she likes to tease. However, the difference in how she approaches women and men has been extremely blatant recently and I genuinely don’t think it’s an accident. The ways that she - and Laura while playing her - acts around characters who are beautiful women isn’t the same ‘casually complimentary’ demeanor she had towards all genders since the start of the campaign. Jester calling Lady Olios ‘beautiful’ no less than three times in a single meeting and being noticeably flustered isn’t usual Jester behavior, Laura repeatedly asking Matt what the Bright Queen is wearing only so that Jester can be visibly awed by her beauty isn’t usual Jester behavior. The fact that she compliments women to their face, while with men it’s always an offhand comment after they leave, also stands out to me. It’s the little moments too that I notice, the times where there’s no reason to even make a comment in the first place unless you’re trying to make a point, like Jester telling Caduceus that the Wildmother is hot, or mentioning how attractive Yasha is in the middle of an unrelated conversation. It all adds up.

I’m aware of my biases in viewing these scenes as a lesbian, but completely outside of headcanons it’s obvious that Jester has an established fixation on beautiful women, and it’s obvious that this has come up more frequently now than it used to in the past. It’s the fact that this overlaps with her realizing that she’s no longer sure what she wants - that love and romance and attraction aren’t what she thought they were - that feels deliberate to me in a way that Jester’s earlier offhand comments about women never did. If Jester’s feelings towards women are meant to be entirely platonic, then the insistence on highlighting them - sometimes even interrupting scenes to do so - seems strange to me. It’s not played for comedy, it’s rarely relevant to the scene at hand, so why does it come up often enough that my friends and I keep a running joke that if there’s a beautiful woman in a scene Jester will comment on it at least once? (Play that game yourself when you’re watching new episodes, you’ll be amazed at how rarely you’ll be wrong)

So where’s this going, if Jester is being played as in the middle of discovering her sexuality? She gets over a major crush on a player character just to flirt with random attractive NPCs? Is Jester’s gay awakening supposed to be centered on her occasionally thinking powerful and unattainable women are hot, or would Laura have the logical sense to plan such a serious character decision around something that would have an actual impact on the party? Well, let’s be honest, you probably knew this part was coming eventually…

Jester’s relationship with Beau is one of the closest and most stable friendships in the group. The two of them have an intense love and trust of one another and are both verbally and physically affectionate on a greater level than any pair in the party. I’ve talked myself to death about these two already and I’ll do so plenty in the future, so I’m not going to give an entire summary of their relationship (if you need a refresher, here you go). Yes, I ship them. Yes, I’ve talked plenty about what I think of Beau’s side of the relationship. But it’s regardless of shipping or the potential of mutual feelings that, for the purposes of this essay, I say there’s a good chance that Jester canonically has a crush on Beau.

Hear me out.

The two of them had an ostensibly platonic relationship for the majority of the campaign. There were some charged moments but nothing that could really and truly be read as explicitly romantic or sexual without shipping goggles on. Then Episode 46 aired. Jester was directly in the middle of her crisis about her feelings for Fjord, Laura was clearly playing her as starting to realize that she didn’t feel the way she originally thought she did, the group had just been through a tremendously traumatic experience that made Jester question whether she could trust them… and then Beau hugs her, and talks about their shared childhood trauma, and tells her she’s beautiful, and tells her that she loves her. I can’t say for sure that this would have been the moment that Jester fully developed feelings, but I do know that if you were already planning for your character to have an arc about learning what she wants from love, this would feel like an awfully convenient moment to build off of. And I can certainly observe the ways that Beau and Jester’s dynamic has visibly changed in the episodes since.

We already know what platonic friendship between Beau and Jester looks like; we watched 40+ episodes of it. What we have now is Jester blushing and giggling when Beau blows her a kiss, Jester asking Beau if she’s secretly in love with her, Jester stepping in to counter every derogatory thing said about Beau with showers of compliments, Jester asking to look down Beau’s pants, Beau offering to let Jester watch her make out with another woman, Jester approaching Beau and only Beau to discuss her thoughts about love and romance. These are often explicitly flirty interactions that we genuinely never saw between the two of them previously, and given how it directly lines up with Jester falling out of love with someone else and clearly having romance on the brain, it feels oddly perfect to just be a coincidence. Even the more ‘dubiously platonic’ moments between them are more frequent and more tender. Jester doing things like giving Beau a massage to help her fall asleep (a scene she logically shouldn’t even have been awake for), pulling Beau aside to ask her to commit some vandalism for her, or repeatedly complimenting her when she shows any sign of insecurity. The fact that Jester immediately chose to stay roommates with her - in a house with so many rooms that the only other people bunking up are a married couple - at the very least confirmed for me that Jester has been prioritizing Beau in her life in a major way lately.

The little comments, the encouragement, the way Jester seems to almost hover over Beau for any sign that she needs to be comforted or reassured… it all adds up to something big in their relationship having changed and there is absolutely nothing contradictory or unreasonable in viewing it as Jester having developed romantic feelings for Beau. If Jester went up to someone the very next episode and told them she was in love with Beau, everything that’s happened between them would feel like a perfectly natural progression up to that moment. Call me crazy, but when you can draw a line that easily from A to B using only what’s available to you in canon, I think at the least you usually call that an entirely plausible theory.

So what’s my point here? Am I saying Jester is for sure being played as a closeted gay woman who’s secretly in love with Beau? Of course not. I don’t claim to be any more certain of what Laura Bailey has planned than anyone else. I’m also not trying to say that Jester is “coded” as gay or anything like that. But I can look at the storybeats that I correctly predicted due to my own headcanons (Jester questioning and ultimately abandoning her feelings for Fjord, Beau and Jester growing closer and having more non-platonic interactions) and follow it to its logical conclusion.

If all these things have been correct so far, and Jester being gay is an easy and logical interpretation that contradicts nothing and explains a lot, then why not assume it might actually be what Laura is intending? At the very least, why not stop treating it like a wild fringe theory that could never have solid supporting evidence?

Jester is gay, tell your friends

#critical role #jester lavorre #cr jester #beaujester #minor spoilers #fuzzy tries to be meta #i'm so sorry if the read-more doesn't work on mobile #i can't fix it

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astrology-india · 4 years ago

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Sagittarius Compatibility - The Best and Worst Match

New Post has been published on https://www.astrology-india.com/sagittarius-compatibility/

Sagittarius Compatibility - The Best and Worst Match

Sagittarius natives are generally recognized as being adventurous and fun-loving.

Those born under this zodiac sign radiate warmth when they are around other people.

However, they could also get bored easily in romantic relationships and move on quickly.

Sagittarius Suns can be loyal and passionate lovers if they find a partner that is capable of keeping up with them.

Acquiring knowledge about Sagittarius compatibility is vital if you are interested in building a harmonious bond that will last.

Whether Sagittarius is your own Sun sign or the sign of your crush, you will find the following article valuable to navigate the challenges of your relationships.

You should remember, though, that Astrology is not limited to your Sun sign.

To get a more comprehensive interpretation of the compatibility between two people, an astrologer will look deeper into the natal charts involved.

Sun signs are just a good place to start to get an overall idea about compatibility.

The Best Sagittarius Compatibility Matches

The Sun signs that are the best matches for Sagittarius have to share some common traits with the restlessness of the centaurs.

Keep reading to know more about them.

Sagittarius Compatibility With Aries

Aries and Sagittarius get along well because they are positive and both fire signs.

This means that they are both usually extroverted and easygoing.

Fire signs are all connected by trine, an astrological aspect that points towards an abundance of good luck and confidence.

These two fire signs can feed one of the most feverish relationships in the zodiac. The chemistry between these two can only be described as A-MAZING!

Because of their intense attraction, it’s pretty common to see Sagittarius and Aries’s relationships bloom in a matter of weeks, if not days.

Let’s not forget that Aries has a Kickstarter quality due to the fact that it is the first sign of the zodiac.

These two signs are dynamic, upbeat, and playful when they are together. At the same time, they know how to respect each other’s personal space and privacy.

Aries and Sagittarius may argue a lot because they tend to be loud signs. But arguing could also be a kind of foreplay for them.

As a result, screaming and shouting to express their points of view could work in their favor more often than not.

Sagittarius Compatibility With Leo

The positive and fiery nature of Leo and Sagittarius makes this pair a power couple.

Leo possesses some attributes that are very attractive to Sagittarius, such as being charismatic, creative, gregarious, and self-assured.

Both signs are full of seemingly endless energy and they always display a can-do attitude.

Since both Leo and Sagittarius appreciate trying new exciting experiences, they complement each other in more ways than one.

Leo and Sagittarius couples fuel their creative juices and ambitions. Leo may want to be the center of attention at all times and this does not bother the laid-back Sagittarius Sun.

The biggest downside of Leo and Sagittarius couples is that just as they boost their positive shared characteristics, they can also fuel their negative traits.

Leo can become even more stubborn when having an argument with a Sagittarius. In turn, Sagittarius can feel claustrophobic if the relationship becomes suffocating.

Fire signs have a little bit of a reputation for loving drama. This may not lead to having a peaceful relationship. But it can definitely lead to a memorable one!

Sagittarius Compatibility With Aquarius

Aquarius is a positive air sign. Air rekindles fire, so these two signs are literally a match made in heaven.

Besides, they are connected by a sextile, an astrological aspect that indicates an easy flow of energy.

A relationship involving an Aquarius and a Sagittarius will not be only romantic. The pair will also become best friends.

Since they tend to enjoy the same kind of activities and cultural products, they will spend quality time talking and sharing their thoughts about everything they have seen or read about.

Both signs have an intellectual flair and are eager to express what they think.

Due to their sociable natures, Aquarius and Sagittarius couples sincerely enjoy spending time with each other. But they don’t need to do so.

This means that they are not possessive or jealous when they are in a relationship. They can be in a committed relationship and still go out with their multiple groups of friends as individuals.

Their need for independence could complicate their connection.

However, if they are both aware of what the other person wants and have agreed to pursue the same goal, the odds will be in their favor.

The Least Sagittarius Compatible Matches

Now that we have seen the best matches for Sagittarius, let’s take a look at the less compatible ones.

Remember that this Sagittarius compatibility article is based only on the Sun sign.

Two people who have Sun signs that are not compatible may still have a happy relationship.

This is possible thanks to other astrological factors present in their natal charts and the acceptance of the general personality of the partner.

Taurus and Sagittarius

Astrologically speaking, Taurus and Sagittarius have nothing in common.

Taurus is a negative and earthy sign, while Sagittarius is positive and fiery.

Furthermore, Sagittarius is a mutable sign that enjoys frequent changes, while Taurus is a fixed sign that rejoices when life is predictable.

Taurus Suns have a great need for stability. Sagittarius Suns need exactly the opposite.

A life in which nothing changes is extremely boring for Sagittarius. This sign needs to broaden their repertoire of adventures on a constant basis.

Likewise, Taurus will feel very unbalanced when dealing with the Sagittarian attitude of moving around unrestrained.

Since Taurus is the first earth sign, there may be a tendency towards possessiveness or stubbornness.

Taurus wants to stock up those objects or people that have value for them. But possessiveness is a deal-breaker for Sagittarius.

Sagittarius people tend to be very open and may voice their concerns loud and clear.

On the contrary, Taurus people are quieter and may want to maintain peace at all costs because they dislike shaking up the status quo.

However, when they DO get angry, they will lose their temper in astronomical pro-portions.

Sagittarius is unlikely to stand those infrequent and disproportionate tantrums.

Cancer and Sagittarius

Cancer is a negative and watery sign, while Sagittarius is positive and fiery.

As you may have already noticed, water extinguishes fire. And this is not the most promising opening statement for a relationship.

Acute sensitivity and moodiness are some of the traits that describe Cancer Suns.

They need someone who intuitively understands them. And it is unlikely that a Sagittarius Sun will be capable of doing it.

Being overly empathetic or nurturing are not the best skills of the Sagittarius tribe.

Sagittarius likes to socialize and be outdoors, while Cancer may prefer to spend the most time at home or with their family of origin.

Cancer Suns are more reserved and private than honest and blunt Sagittarius Suns. They just have extremely different love languages that may get lost in translation.

The Moon rules Cancer and the Moon is the luminary that changes most frequently. This makes Cancer an unpredictable sign.

One day, a Cancer Sun may feel talkative and friendly. The next one, they could be extremely sad and nostalgic.

A Sagittarius Sun may not have the emotional toolset to empathize with the sensitive nature of a Cancer Sun.

Scorpio and Sagittarius

The problems between Scorpio and Sagittarius are similar to those between Cancer and Sagittarius.

Scorpio is a negative and watery sign. It is also fixed, like Taurus.

Scorpio Suns are incisive and they want to develop profound emotional bonds in relationships.

Sagittarius, on the other hand, is a light-hearted sign who needs personal freedom, even in a committed relationship.

There is not much room for compromise between these signs because Scorpio Suns want to merge with the other person and Sagittarius Suns don’t want to lose their singularity.

Jealousy is a notorious trait of Scorpio Suns.

Sagittarius can’t stand jealousy and will have the desire to escape when a Scorpio Sun tries to monitor them or interrogates them about their behavior.

The lack of confidence in a Scorpio Sun may also be a downside for the shiny Sagittarius Sun.

The type of existence that a Sagittarius craves could be superficial and fickle for a Scorpio.

Meanwhile, the type of existence that a Scorpio wants may be dull and oppressive for Sagittarius.

Besides, Scorpio could be resentful and passive-aggressive, two characteristics that may be unbearable for the forgiving and optimistic Sagittarius Sun.

The Sagittarius Man

The Sagittarius man normally has an agenda to be witty, funny, and entertaining. He is determined to live life to the fullest and to expand his horizons constantly.

This man needs a little bit of competition in all his relationships to keep his interest.

Frank, authentic, and inspiring are other adjectives that describe the Sagittarius man.

People who prefer a subtler approach to life may not enjoy their time with this spontaneous straight shooter. He is so direct that he sometimes may come across as aggressive!

Since he dislikes feeling trapped, the Sagittarius man will often do better with Sun signs that are strong-willed and autonomous.

If a relationship does not add value to his life, he will rather be alone. A needy, jealous, or demanding person will not attract him at all.

Sagittarius Man Relationship Compatibility

The signs that are most compatible with a long-term relationship with a Sagittarius man are Gemini and Sagittarius.

Gemini is the opposite sign of Sagittarius and this does not mean that they will have irreconcilable differences, but that they will complement each other. Gemini will lighten Sagittarius up even more!

Dating someone of the same Sun sign sometimes can be seen as too much of a good thing.

Nonetheless, these couples have endless potential because they can join forces to achieve the same objectives while having fun at the same time.

Sagittarius Man Sexual Compatibility

In order to stimulate his own sexual fire, the Sagittarius man has to choose partners with the Sun in Aries or Leo. Foreplay, endurance, and enjoyment are guaranteed. Sparks will definitely fly!

The Sagittarius Woman

When a Sagittarius woman is in love, she is energetic, dedicated, and up for pretty much anything.

Going after who she wants really delights her and makes her heart beat faster. A Sagittarius woman is not passive at all.

She will probably not wait for someone to approach her. Instead, she will take matters into her own hands and act proactively to satisfy her desires.

Some people are put off by the Sagittarius woman bold and forthright style. But she doesn’t care. She has no patience for those who can’t match her goal-oriented way of being.

People who are intimidated by her power or overwhelmed by her self-reliance are not the people she wants to be with. Therefore, she will enjoy connecting with Sun signs that allow her to roam free.

Sagittarius Woman Relationship Compatibility

The zodiac signs that are most compatible with a long-term relationship with a Sagittarius woman are Aquarius and Libra.

Aquarius and Libra are connected with Sagittarius by a sextile. This means that the connection will be peaceful and it will contain plenty of verbal communication.

Sagittarius Woman Sexual Compatibility

Even though they will not work well together in a long-term relationship, having a sexual partner with the Sun in Scorpio or Pisces will be very beneficial for the Sagittarius woman.

Nothing like emotional intensity to arouse her!

Final Thoughts

Upbeat and excited about living their best life, it’s easy to fall in love with the Jupiter-ruled Sagittarius Suns.

Their demeanor is magnetic and their outspoken and genuine confidence makes them really charming.

This cool, sincere, and unapologetic sign loves to have fun and doesn’t want to settle down with less than an exceptional partner.

Sagittarius Suns want to enjoy open-minded experiences and, sometimes, the best way to do so is without having commitments that may hold them back.

It’s not that Sagittarius Suns aren’t interested in engaging in long-term relationships, but they won’t sacrifice their lifestyle just to be with someone else romantically.

This is why Sagittarius compatibility with other fire signs, as well as with air signs, will work best for them. Both fire and air allow room for experimentation and change.

Relationships with earth and water signs may not work well for Sagittarius.

Earth and water belong to the negative polarity, so there’s an instant clash between their serene nature when engaging with the positive and flamboyant nature of Sagittarius.

If you’re interested to know more about the compatibility of others zodiac signs, then you can read our article here on the best zodiac sign match ups.

#compatibility #Sagittarius man #Sagittarius woman

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yepafa3882 · 4 years ago

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The Psychology of Successful Dog Bathing

"Can I wash my own dog? It can't be that hard can it?" These are the words that I hear everyday as I go about my business working at the Pooch Parlor in Northern Idaho. Each time I walk a customer through this process, I find myself wondering why in the world something so simple is so doggone hard to explain. Washing your own dog may seem simple, but - only if you think and speak 'dog' - the language of your own dog. https://namingyourdog.weebly.com/blog/selecting-memorable-dog-names

I run a shop for full service and self-service dog grooming and bathing, and I LOVE it! There are dogs, and owners, of every size, every breed, and every temperament that come in to use the self-service doggie wash. Most owners are excited, some are scared, and some are cocky, but no matter who they are, or what they do for a living, there is nothing quite as intimidating for them as washing their own dog in public! The thought of doing this can give even the most confident person, performance anxiety, and for good reason! It is a true test of trust and tolerance and friendship for the person and dog companion. And, on a very basic level, it is an honest mirror for the owner, and how he or she deals with life, and with conflict. The likelihood of a successful experience for both is completely dependent upon the psychological relationship that exists between them, and, to a large extent, the ability of both to comprehend the body language of the other. You may be surprised to know that I have found that dogs are supremely better at reading their humans than their humans are of reading them. It is this relationship between human and canine, that shows itself without modesty during bathtime, and, keeps me coming to work day after day with a smile on my face.

My clients have been giving their dogs baths in my shops for 10+ years now, and, each year is more entertaining than the last when it comes to watching regular people washing their own regular dogs. The average person that comes through our doors is highly successful, which usually means - intelligent - and, because like attracts like, so is their dog. And, so why oh why, they ask me, should this simple task of cleaning their dog be so difficult? I ask them time and again, "Well, how well do you speak dog?" Invariably, their reply is a blank stare. So, this is the time to ask yourself, "How well do YOU speak dog?"

There is a lot to say about the theories of why dogs and humans behave the way they do, but I'm going to get back to the practical things to look for while bathing your own dog. The bottom line to remember is that your dog's energy and personality traits are a mirror to your own. Take this into consideration when attempting to get him into the tub and have him be happy about it.

1. Deciding when to bathe your dog. Timing and Personality traits: Timing is important. Look at your own needs regarding timing to know how your dog will react. Are you the kind of person that is up for anything anytime? Or do you need to accomplish your day in a scheduled, systematic way? How do you do with new experiences? Do you find them refreshing and fun, or do you feel fearful until comfortable with a new activity? Your dog is going to deal with the bathtime experience in the same way you deal with life experiences. Remember that your dog is going to reflect your own personality traits - not necessarily the traits you show the world, but the traits that are truly inside you.

a. Fun-loving, extroverted, and social humans. If you enjoy regular physical activity, then so will your dog. For this type of person and dog, I suggest you take your dog out for a bout of exercise before the bath. In the city where I work, we are fortunate to have a designated beach on the lake just for dogs and their humans - dogbeach. There is a long path to run or walk on, and there is a large beach area to swim and play in. This is the perfect scenario for pre-bath timing. The dog can choose to get muddy, run, socialize, or just enjoy being outside. In any case, the dog is able to spend big reserves of energy outside in a fun way, just like letting human children play before naptime. If you love exercise, do something like this with your dog before taking him into your own tub or a professional facility for a dog bath. A common fault of the social dog and owner: Just because you are friendly, out-going person does not mean everyone wants to accept your friendly, and out-going gestures. It's hard to fathom, I know, but it is true. If you have a very social dog (if you are a social person), it is easy to forget that many dogs (like their owners) are not social and do not appreciate the social requirements (like butt-sniffing) of others. Please remember to respect their space when in public or otherwise. Keep your dog restrained and under control, even if your dog has the friendliest intentions.

b. Non-social, active, or inactive humans. If your personality is not conducive to social interaction, then I still suggest that you walk your dog or do something that is comfortable within your life that involves light exercise before bathing your dog. Taking a walk with your dog does wonders to alleviate excess tension or stress for both human and dog. By getting rid of stressful energies during a walk, it does not present itself during bathtime. Getting exercise is especially important for those humans,( I mean dogs), that are highly nervous. I recommend giving your dog Valerian root (liquid form) or Rescue Remedy (liquid or spray) orally 30 minutes before the bath. Both of these products are natural remedies to calming down jittery nerves- and it works great for humans too. If timing is important in your life, take your dog to a self-service bathing facility when the least amount of people are there, usually early or late in the day. A common fault of the non-social dog and owner: they communicate poorly within their own species and with other species. Many people that tend towards isolation, often do this because they never figured out how to communicate effectively in human society. Their dogs typically have the same problem. I have seen it happen many times that owners of aggressive dogs unwittingly encourage their dog's unwanted behavior, when they think they are doing the opposite. They do this by projecting their worrying thoughts about the 'what-ifs' of a social situation. Dogs of this type of owner act out their dog interpretations of their human owners signals. The dogs often pick up the 'what-if' fears of the human as the request of their human, actually creating the 'what-if' behavior to occur. Without human intervention and boundary setting by the owner (requiring advanced communication skills), it is quite common for this type of dog to exhibit increasingly aggressive behavior. Most owners are dismayed by their dog's aggressive behavior, but they simply lack the skills required to communicate what behavior they will and won't allow from their dog. I recommend that if you have a dog that is displaying increasingly aggressive behaviors to consult a professional dog behaviorist or trainer. Just a few simple tricks will convey an accurate message to a dog that is most likely misunderstanding your expectations.

Language barriers for humans and dogs. Its no surprise that miscommunication between owner and dog happens often. If you are a human that is finding you don't understand why your dog does what he does, remember, you are learning a whole different language and culture. Give yourself time and give your dog time to understand each other. Just don't expect your dog to act like a human, especially during conflict. It takes time and practice for anyone to learn a new human language. It's no different learning dog language. We all know how to interpret a human smile in society. When a dog pulls his lips back over his teeth, it typically doesn't mean he's happy! Would a human dream of greeting a new acquaintance by sniffing their butt? Right! But, in doggie language, that's the equivalent of shaking hands. A dog that shakes his head to get the slobber off of his mouth is no different than a person smoothing his slacks or dusting off his shirt to look more polite. The differences are huge, so give yourself and your dog a break if you have hit a communication block wall.

2. Deciding where to bathe your dog: There are not a lot of choices when it comes to bathing your dog. A. You can use your own bathtub at home which requires no human socializing - hard on your back, it's very messy with extended after cleaning, and potentially traumatizing to human and dog. B. Bring your dog to a self-service doggie wash shop - easier on your back, requires some basic social skills by owner and dog, can be noisy and hairy, requires no after cleaning, and it does cost more than just the shampoo. C. Tie the dog to a fence and wash him with a hose in the yard (hopefully on a hot, sunny day) - not easy on the back, hard on the dog with cold water, potentially traumatizing for nervous dogs, but does not require human or dog socialiaing. D. Wash the dog in your nearest lake -which is very popular in my neck of the woods - hard on the back, requires advanced human and dog social skills, is potentially harmful to the environment, and how clean can you really get a dog in lakewater?

Regardless of where you wash your dog, take into account your own physical limitations, and your dog's physical limitations. Is it worth wrecking your bathroom and hurting your back to wash your dog at home? For the clients I see, the answer is a definite, no! Emotional requirements are often a factor for dogs. For instance, (in general) Labrador retrievers have no issue being bathed in a lake (even though they don't get clean), but they often resent being restrained in a tub with a sprayer hose pointed in their direction. For a farm dog that has never been away from home, tying them to the fence is a better solution than trucking them to the city and asking them to have manners in a grooming shop, or in a populated lake. At least next to the fence, even with cold water, they are comfortable with where they are and what is expected of them.

My vote is, of course to find a self-service doggie wash facility. The equipment is professional and easy to use, the water is warm (most of the time) and typically the dogs get treats when they walk out the door, which makes them happy campers. So, for those that want to know about washing your dog at a laundradog facility, here you go:

2. Getting your dog in the tub and getting him to stay there! At this grooming shop, the average dog that comes in for self-service is around 100lbs. All the dogs are washed at waist level where they stand on a grate in the tub. Getting them in the tub can be a trick. It's kind of like asking a human to put ice skates on, and stand on the ice and not worry about how to do it. The easiest way for dog and human is to not give the dog time to decide whether or not he wants to. (Not the easiest task for shy or overprotective owners). The owner is given a large choker chain or cloth noose which goes around the dogs neck.

Leading: We have the owner quickly lead/pull the dog up the stairs with another person on the other end of the dog to give a quick boost on the butt end. The dog is on the grate, and in the tub before he has decided to be worried about it. Once the dog is in the tub, the owner hooks them in (not something you can do in your tub at home) to a variety of metal hooks inside the tub.

Choking: The dogs that are new to having a bath will sometimes turn in the tub and pull on the choker chain. We prefer the choker chain to a regular noose because the dog quickly learns with a choker that he is in control of whether or not he feels the choking sensation. The second the dog realizes he controls his own choking, AND realizes his owner is going to allow him to learn this (this is very difficult for the overprotective and/or mother types of owners-most all of us!), the pulling behavior stops. With a regular cloth noose, or one that does not self-regulate, the dogs will pull and pull and often never learn that they have the control over their own pulling more than any other behavior during the bath. Owners feel like they are directly causing their dog injury and should rescue them immediately when they hear them coughing and sometimes gagging. It is natural to feel concern over your dog choking, but it helps to think of the dog's pulling and coughing similar to putting a toddler into his crib for a midday nap.

Many human toddlers HATE taking a nap and will cry hard enough to cough and gag. If parents rescue them from their cribs when this happens, they are reinforcing this coughing behavior for their child. Parents that monitor the crying, and coughing from a safe distance where the toddler cannot see them, soon find that their babies submit quietly to naptime without expecting to be rescued each time he utters a sound. Naps and baths may not be pleasant to begin with, but they are both essential habits of life. Dogs have the same learning behaviors regarding rescue. Owners that react with excessive concern over the pulling (as the dog is expecting), or crying and screaming tantrums, find they are only encouraging more pulling and tantrums from their dog. This point is so crucial that it is worth repeating. The more upset and worried the owner gets over the dogs behavior, the more they get of that dog behavior. If the owner is calm and without fear - and projects this to their dog, it is not long before the dog understands that pulling on the chain is only hurting himself, and that tantrums are a waste of their energy. When the owner believes everything is fine despite pulling and tantrums, the dog does too, and he stops the undesirable behavior accepts that today is bath day!

So many nurturing owners find this part difficult, but try to remember, when you expect your dog to learn how to control his own anxiety, he will learn, but it requires that you LET him learn. The best ways to learn to control ones own anxiety is to actually go through the experience of having the anxiety and dealing with it. If you are the type of owner that cannot allow your dog to experience this emotion without taking over and stopping the experience, your dog will learn to go into an anxious state more and more easily because of the reaction that he can expect from his owner. This becomes upsetting for both dog and owner and as you can see becomes an escalating cycle. If you allow your dog to go through this experience of the bath, anxiety and all, you will see that they will calm down and before you know it, you have a dog that allows you to bathe him! And having clean dog is essential to most dog owners. When your dog does calm down, i.e. quits pulling on the noose and allows the bath experience, that is the right time to express heightened emotion of happiness through praise and treats. If you take this time to praise your dog, it won't be long before your dog asks to be washed with a happy, wanting-to-please attidude.

However, as with any rule, there are a few exceptions: old, very young, asthmatic, and dogs with neck or throat problems should be closely watched if they exhibit excessive pulling on the choker chain.

Ignore or not to Ignore: Most of the time, I recommend to owners to simply and quietly ignore their dogs protesting to get the behavior to stop (and it does), with the only exception being a small puppy (like a yorkie) or an old and fragile dog. Both the young and the old dogs that are not used to baths can injure their tracheas or create a medical problem (like asthma) if their nervous behaviors are allowed to escalate. It is in this circumstance that I tell the owners to use a harness to hook the dogs in the tub or in the case of a small and wild puppy, to use a sink or bucket in which they can immerse the dog in warm, soapy water. Puppies are wired to swim and that's what they do if they find their bodies in water. Swimming is easier to work with than a freaking out jumping bean. If you do choose to ignore your dog's protesting to the bath, REMEMBER to give lots of praise when the dog show's signs of acceptance and/or begins to calm down.

Drying Your Dog: Drying a dog depends on the type of hair, type of temperament and grooming experience the dog has. If you have a shorthaired dog, towel drying is generally adequate. In the grooming shop, we use high-power dryers that blow the water out of thick or double-coated dogs like shepards, collies, and huskies - and in this case - standard poodles.

Put cotton in the dog's ears before you begin as the dryer is loud. Make sure there is a minimum of play in the noose or chain that connects the dog to the tub, as the more room the dog has to throw a tantrum, the more room he'll use. Start the dryer on the back end of the dog and aim the dryer side to side moving towards the head until the water is not dripping off the dog any longer. Most private owners go home with their dogs still dripping because of the tantrum factor. This is where the above information comes into play. The majority of dogs are nervous at first, but they quickly learn that the air is only loud, not painful. If the owner stays calm, the dog will quickly find this state during the drying process.

There are a few more minor steps that do occur in the grooming shop, such as brushing, nail trimming, anal expression, ear plucking and cleaning, teeth brushing and scaling and more. You can check out more 'how to' information on these specific techniques at www.thepoochparlor.net. Regardless of who you are or what you do for a living, the chances of your dog having a pleasant experience during the bath is highly dependent upon the ability of the dog's owner to understand his or her own needs regarding life and society. Consider all the factors, energy reserves of your dog - spend them before the space wherever you go will increase your odds for success. Consider how much you actually do know about dog language. Above all else, remember that you, the owner, are in charge, and that if your dog is temporarily distressed with a new situation, you have to stay calm long enough to allow your dog to understand and accept the experience. It's a curious notion that a human would have to delve into the basics of his or her own psychological needs to give their dog a great bath experience, but if you do that, you and your canine friend will have many years of happy and successful bathing experiences.

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dosore1009 · 4 years ago

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The Psychology of Successful Dog Bathing

"Can I wash my own dog? It can't be that hard can it?" These are the words that I hear everyday as I go about my business working at the Pooch Parlor in Northern Idaho. Each time I walk a customer through this process, I find myself wondering why in the world something so simple is so doggone hard to explain. Washing your own dog may seem simple, but - only if you think and speak 'dog' - the language of your own dog. https://sites.google.com/view/girldognamess/unique-dog-names

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guardiandae · 5 years ago

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Meta/Commentary Part 2: A Little ‘XO’ Wouldn’t Go Amiss

(Spoilers below)

(CONTENT WARNING: mental illness, self harm and suicidal ideation mentions)

So when we left off, Nate and Wade had their first real interaction / moment of demonstrated compassion, even if it’s a rough one. Wade flirts, Nate sucks the rancid blood out of his lungs, then tells Wade to clean up their disgusting kitchen and he’ll actually make Wade a meal.

Which is like. Wow. Exciting. Peak interaction and peak affection from Nate so far. Wade actually makes an effort because a homecooked meal from Mr. Grumpy is the nicest thing he’s ever heard and then he waits and waits for Nate to come back and follow through on his promise and Nate.... totally forgets.

Ooof.

So Wade is left fending for himself, and trying to find a way to make quick cash (because Nate has control of Wade’s finances.. and Nate forgot to feed him. Sob.) So he finds someone who thinks he looks enough like Spider-Man to hire him and then this happens.

"Fuck you, Spiderman, you suck!"

"Yeah? That wasn't what your dad said last night," Wade countered. "Or maybe it was, 'cus I'm Spiderman and I love banging old dudes."

The guy had just given him a withering look. "Dude. Whatever gets you off," he muttered, walking away.

"Wait. It's that easy?" Wade wondered aloud, not sure if he was relieved or disappointed by the lack of a fight. He tried not to think about it too much.

Foreshadowing? Oh hell yeah, foreshadowing. Wade is old enough to remember when it wasn’t okay to just... openly admit anything outside of cisheteronormative standards, and this guy not rising to the bait and just saying ‘whatever’ is kind of whiplash.

Wade felt his brain short out when he saw Nate standing with just a towel around his waist.

(Oh no, he's hot. I mean, we already knew that but now he's like, naked and stuff.)

[Is that even legal?]

"Shut up," Wade said, pressing a hand to his head. They were back. Why were they back???

(Why do you think?)

Yeah. So I feel like Wade’s ‘boxes’ are partly like a way for his subconscious to yell at him about all of the stuff he’s trying to ignore. And some of that is really bad stuff for him, that he shouldn’t listen to, like his self hatred and anxieties and suicidal thoughts. But then there are thoughts like these, like his attraction to Nate, his need to be listened to and shown even the barest scraps of respect/affection/kindness, but he thinks he doesn’t deserve any of that and won’t say it.

Like, when Nate remembers that he fucked up and forgot about his promise to make Wade dinner:

"Well… at least your kitchen is clean," Nate said. "That's a reward in itself."

(A reward in itself? What kind of asshole says that?)

[The kind that throws away Hello Kitty post it notes.]

"Yeah, I'm gonna agree with the little yellow box on this one," Wade said. "Doing a chore isn't a reward in itself. A reward is a reward."

While Wade’s ‘boxes’ are overall really toxic for him in this fic, they can be a good thing! If it weren’t for his boxes, Wade wouldn’t have been able to process through the fact that Nate disappointed him and caused him suffering and tell him that it was kind of shitty and not okay and end up making Nate promise to actually follow through because it was important to him!!

"You know there aren't any boxes, right, Wade?" Nate asked him. "They aren't really in your head."

"I know that," Wade said. "But they still won't shut up.”

Foreshadowing. And also, in this moment, imo, it’s basically giving Wade the opportunity to say, yes I know it’s ‘not real’ but it’s still real. Which is like. The biggest mental illness mood. Of course... they’re kind of referring to two different things, once again. Having different conversations. Wade thinks Nate can’t hear half of his conversation, and Nate must think he’s nuts. Of course, SPOILERS, Nate can hear every single thing that Wade is saying, because he’s talking to himself, and the entire time Nate is trying to asses how the fuck to handle what’s going on and how serious this is.

"What do you want to watch?" Nate asked, so casually, it took Wade a long moment to realize that Nate was talking to him, and an even longer moment for his brain to short out.

"What…?"

"What do you want to watch?" Nate asked again, as if this was something that they'd ever done before.

(Nate's never watched TV with us. What's happening???)

[Pity. He knows we're losing it.]

The sad thing is, Wade’s inner thoughts aren’t wrong. It takes hearing Wade’s inner thoughts for himself and seeing him struggle and realizing how badly Wade’s been affected just because Nate has ignored him and given him the cold should so many times... to realize that he needs to give Wade a little bit of kindness. But it feels like it’s coming from pity instead of genuine interest and pity fucking sucks.

"Nate. I know you don't like being around me," Wade said, slowly. "This isn't your problem, so don't worry about it."

and then he locks himself in the bathroom and tries to just drown out the voices until he can fall asleep, in the bathtub, because mood.

Meanwhile, Nate is concerned, but not showing it well because his concern quickly turns back into anger:

"Please, Wade. Listen to me, not them. These things in your head, they aren't real, okay?" Nate tried to reason with him. "I know it feels like what they're saying is true, but I promise you they aren't right. Not about you. Not about us. Come out of there, alright? Come on, Wade. For fuck's sake, I'm trying to talk to you, isn't that what you wanted? Get the fuck out."

After a while of yelling, Nate realized that Wade had gone quiet. He stopped, trying to get a hold of his anger, his… if he was honest… fear. Fear of losing Wade.

He could use telekinesis to force the lock. He could also break the door down, easily.

Nate pressed his hands against the door, listening. On the other side, he heard Wade humming tunelessly to himself. Drowning out the voices. Drowning out Nate.

He curled his fingers against the cheap faux-wood door and tried to will himself to stop. To calm down.

Nate is starting to understand, to take little steps. He knows he’s already starting to slip up right out of the gate and he knows he needs to stop pushing right now or he’ll only push Wade away.

Wade had been talking to himself for a long, long time.

And Nate hadn't really spoken to anyone for almost as long.

This is the point where Nate starts to realize that they both have problems to address. Nate’s behavior (withdrawing/isolating, anger, not communicating) isn’t just toxic for himself, which he’d be fine with, but it’s also eroding Wade’s mental health at the foundation. Even when Nate is interested or concerned for Wade, he doesn’t express it in a way that Wade can recognize. Concern looks like disgust because Wade is so used to the latter; smiling at Wade’s jokes/flirting is interpreted as dark and aggressive because they’re both thinking about two different things; he reads Wade’s cute little notes but throws them away because first he thinks Wade is making fun of him and then he either doesn’t know how to react or the reminder of Wade’s concern/affection makes him uncomfortable because from his perspective he’s offered nothing in return. And if he could just communicate how he felt on his end, Wade wouldn’t be left feeling like Nate hated his fucking guts.

The next morning, Wade is still locked in the bathroom, which means Nate is forced to make an effort to communicate with him, because now he realizes that leaving the house while Wade is still potentially in crisis mode could cause Wade to keep spiraling.

He was ready to go out the door, but at the last second it occurred to him that Wade might wake up and see that Nate had left and take it in the worst way possible. When it came to dealing with Wade, you always had to think to yourself, 'What is the worst case scenario?' and then go a couple steps beyond that. If Nate left without leaving a note, he could come back to Wade giving him the cold shoulder, or he could come back to find the entire building burned to ground.

[Went out.]

There. Simple and to the point.

Ah, fuck. Maybe that was too simple. Wade would think he wasn't coming back, because he was a fucking idiot.

[Went out. Be back later.]

That was still a little bit impersonal. Nate didn't want Wade to think he didn't care about his wellbeing.

[Went out. Be back later. Don't off yourself.]

That was better.

But if Wade actually read this note, Nate also didn't want him to think he could hole up in the bathroom again. That shit got old fast.

[Went out. Be back later. Don't off yourself. Or lock yourself in the bathroom again.]

Nate stared at the note, written on a pastel pink background with little cartoon kittens and hearts and flowers and sweets, and felt a mild panic.

[Fucker], he added hastily, and then left before he had time to second-guess himself.

Nate is still very much in I-don’t-even-like-him denial mode, but this process of thought while he’s writing his note? Ooooh. This is art, baby. Nate is actually concerned about how Wade will react if he leaves the message too short, too uncaring. And then has to add a little ‘fucker’ at the end because hello tough guy points, keep those in the millions. Give Wade an inch, he’ll take a mile.

And of course, when Wade gets up and finds the note, his reaction is, This is a love note. And by all rights... it basically is. It’s the first tangible scrap of evidence Nate has given him that he cares about Wade’s well-being at all, and he cherishes the hell out of it.

Which makes it all the more painful when Wade realizes he was careless and threw that scrap of paper, Proof Nate Cares About Me, into the wash with the rest of his clothes and now it’s destroyed.

So... a few things happen all at once. Honestly, just one would be enough to make Wade lose it, but sometimes in fiction you have to drive the point home:

1. Nate says he’s leaving.

"With what you have in the bank, you could probably buy yourself a house, Wade," Nate replied.

"You mean us, right?" Wade corrected.

Nate stared at him and then dropped his gaze to pick at his plate. "The X-Men offered me a position," he said. "I could stay at the mansion, if I wanted to. Or I could get a stipend. It'd probably be enough to pay rent somewhere. So I won't have to keep leeching off of you."

Of course, once again, two different conversations are happening. Nate is saying, I got offered this, I don’t have to stay, I don’t have to keep leeching off of you and offering nothing in return because I am hurting you and it’s making me feel like a useless piece of shit. Remember Wade’s finances are paying for everything right now because Nate doesn’t have stable income. The reason why Nate leaves and disappears for hours or days on end is because he’s trying to find work, but also the world needs heroes right now and hero work isn’t always paid.

But from Wade’s POV, of course Nate should stay with him. But the word ‘leech’ makes him remember that Nate doesn’t even like him and Nate doesn’t need him, but Wade is the one who needs Nate and needs attention and affection that Nate is in no way obligated to give him that.

So Wade says, ‘ok,’ essentially. And to him, that’s putting on a brave face and accepting that Nate will move on, of course he will, so he might as well try to be happy for Nate. But from Nate’s perspective, it’s Wade saying, ‘ok, good, get the fuck out’ in the kindest way possible because now there’s no more excuse for their roommate arrangement to keep existing.

2. Wade’s inner voices start acting up badly, because of the first event. He tries to ignore them, tries to sleep, tries to shut down the bad lines of thought with reason and reality but it’s hard to believe when they just. won’t. stop.

(He doesn't want to see you. Period.)

Wade pressed his hands to his face, tried to breathe in slowly.

"Nate and I… are friends," Wade said.

(Who are you trying to convince?)

"We're friends," he repeated to himself, softer. "We're friends."

Then when Wade tries to distract himself with something else, he tries to go finish the laundry and then realizes that he’d left Nate’s ‘love note’ in his pocket and now it’s obliterated.

[It's gone.]

(Wasn't that your entire proof that Nate gave a single solitary fuck about you?)

"No," Wade lied, but lying to himself didn't always work so well. "It was just a piece of paper."

[But there won't be another one.]

"I'll remember it," Wade whispered pressing his hands to his face.

(Will you? Do you even remember it now?)

Not only was that the only physical proof he had that Nate cared, something his mental illness couldn’t convince him isn’t real, but now that Nate said he’s leaving, Wade knows he won’t ever get another one. That was the first and only note Nate ever wrote to him, and Wade was stupid and careless and let it get destroyed almost immediately. And worse, his memory problems are getting worse and he knows this and he knows that without an actual reminder he’s going to forget what the note said and what Nate’s handwriting looks like and how it felt to read that and eventually he’s going to forget that he ever got a note and eventually he’s going to forget Nate, just like he’s going to forget Vanessa because she’s dead and he only has her memories and photographs and if anything happens to those, there’s a real chance he’ll forget her smile and her face and their moments together and her and it’s too terrifying to deal with and it’s all because it’s all his fault and now he’s in a complete mental breakdown.

This time, when he dreamed of finding his wife and daughter's burnt bodies, Wade's was there with them. The only people he cared about. People that he'd failed.

Mmmm foreshadowing. For the sequel, I mean. Oh boy.

Wade’s breakdown wakes Nate up, and by that point it’s full blown mental badness for Wade. Nate finds Wade curled up on the floor, arguing with himself, and tells Nate that he just wants to sleep but the voices won’t stop, and he’s desperate now to the point of self injury and asking Nate to use his telekinesis to help Wade blow his brains out or lobotomize himself.

"I can try to help," Nate offered. "If you'll let me."

(Last time he tried something, you puked your lungs out.)

[This is different. This time we'll puke our brains out.]

(Why waste the strength? Nate has guns. Big ones.)

Wade didn't even care anymore. "Do what you gotta do, Nate."

Once again, Nate offers to help. Once again, because Wade has an extreme solution on his mind, he thinks Nate is offering to help in that way, but Nate has no intention of letting Wade harm himself, or letting Wade think that Nate would ever be willing to harm him.

"I'm not going to blow your brains out and neither are you. I'm a telepath, Wade," Nate reminded him. "Reading your mind is difficult, but I can project thoughts too."

This time Nate actually tells Wade what he’s thinking, what he intends to do to help Wade and what he doesn’t intend to do. Wade gets caught up in babbling about what that could possibly mean, what Nate’s thoughts would be, and since Wade can’t snap out of it or give Nate an answer, Nate goes ahead with his plan to help make Wade’s thoughts stop.

Wade started sounding like a broken record again. Nate put it to an end, connecting to Wade's mind with a touch and projecting a static to drown out the voices and give Wade some relief.

They only connected for a brief instant, and then Wade flinched away from the connection, breaking it.

"Sorry," Nate reached out again, but Wade shivered and stayed just out of reach, as if he were afraid of it.

"What was that?”

Wade is still afraid of Nate’s powers being used on him in ways he didn’t expect. It interrupts the darker, suicidal thoughts, but Wade still struggles openly, first expressing his mixed feelings of fear re: Nate touching him, and also his tentative admission that it was nice to be touched. Then, when his train of thought immediately plunges back into ‘I wish I were dead’ territory, Nate makes a point to interrupt once again, but this time not using his powers.

"Wade," Nate said again, trying to bring him back from another spiral of thoughts. He sat down on the couch, holding his hands out to Wade, but not reaching for him. "Come here. Put your head down, okay? I'll make it quieter this time."

"Make my head quieter?" Wade asked, edging closer.

"Yes," Nate promised. "I'll make it go away."

This time, Nate doesn’t force his methods onto Wade. Wade is fully informed of what Nate intends to do to help him, and the choice is left up to him. This time he has a second to process it, stop being afraid of what Nate’s intentions might be, and accept his help (and his touch) on his own terms.

Wade churns through a few more fears, aloud, (his fear that Nate will leave him, like Vanessa left him, and he’ll forget them both) and also his loneliness, the fact that it’s been so long since he felt love/touch/intimacy, he isn’t sure he remembers what it feels like anymore. Then he accepts Nate’s offer, puts his trust in Nate, and lets Nate make his mind go blank.

Meanwhile, Nate has to try to process the raw admission that their fucked up, dysfunctional non-relationship is half of the entire reason why Wade’s mental health has gotten to this point, because he really thought there was no way Wade cared about him or what he thought, and now he has to figure out how to start undoing that damage.

Skin to skin contact is the only real way Nate can use his powers on Wade directly. Otherwise, his mind is too chaotic and slippery to really work with. This is a rule I set in this AU, but it’s a concept lifted from Cable & Deadpool #3:

There’s no indication this is the case, but Wade’s mind is canonically hard to get a grip on for psychics, and after Nate touched his head, he can hear Wade’s thoughts back to him, so they aren’t speaking out loud and alerting the others of Nates’ presence. I always interpreted that as being, Nate had to do a little more to establish a better connection with Wade’s mind. It probably isn’t the case, maybe he just wanted to give Wade a little tap on the noggin, but I liked that concept for this fic. Bonus feels: In the comic, Wade and Nate had been fighting like cats and dogs up until this point. Wade had joined a cult and helped them, Nate had been trying to fight against them, and Wade ended up being doublecrossed. Here, Wade expresses regret, and Nate shows compassion towards Wade... something exceedingly rare for anyone to do, sadly.

In this fic, Nate can’t stay connected to Wade’s mind (at least, not as easily as this) unless he maintains skin contact with Wade somehow. Because I’m gay and I love drama and it’s soft as hell.

"I'm here," Nate assured him, rubbing circles onto Wade's skin with his fingertips. Then he realized, to his embarrassment, that he'd been petting Wade the entire time, and quickly stopped.

"Don't -- Don't stop doing that. Please. It's nice," Wade pleaded, jerking a little under Nate's hands.

"Shh," Nate shushed, afraid that Wade would break the connection. "Okay. I won't stop, but don't move. Just relax."

He let his fingers resume their slow movements. Following the flow of scar tissue on Wade's skin. Brushing his thumb over the curve of Wade's ear. He felt Wade relax against him, sinking deeper.

I have nothing to add, I just want you all to see how soft this is.

Wade’s POV:

"When my daughter Hope has bad dreams, I'd help her fall asleep again," Nate said as he continued the light petting. "Take away all of the nightmares."

For some reason, the reminder that Nate was, above all else, a dad , took Wade by surprise. He was a man who had lost everything, who would have moved heaven and earth to get his daughter back, to keep her safe, and he did exactly that. Somewhere in the future, there was a little girl whose dad loved her that much, that fiercely. Wade couldn't relate. His own dad had been all fierce and no love. The kind of man nightmares were made of.

Nate’s POV:

"When my daughter Hope has bad dreams, I'd help her fall asleep again," Nate said, thinking of how many times he'd held her in his arms and done just this. "Take away all of the nightmares."

Even with Wade's permission to connect with his mind, Wade's thoughts were hard to read. They weren't words or even clear images. It was more like only being able to feel an abstract, and Nate caught the edge of one unexpectedly. It looked like misshapen darkness and it smelled like old booze and it was called father. It felt like being hit with fists and the sharp bite of a belt buckle and it tasted like salt-tears-blood, and it was called love.

Nate pushed the memory away as soon as he realized what it was, focusing a little harder to keep it from forming again. "I'm sorry, Wade. I can't change the past for you, but I can try to make things better here and now. Let's think about something else."

Nate shares a piece of himself with Wade, and tells him about his daughter, about how he’s done this similar psychic technique before to help his daughter fall asleep again if she had a bad nightmare. That reminder of Nate being a dad, of Nate using the same method to soothe his daughter’s nightmares on Wade, reminds Wade of his own father, and the abusive memories associated with him.

It’s not only an example of Wade’s train of thought still leading him into places that are harmful for his state of mind, but also where Wade’s POV and Nate’s POV start to be able to meld together, because Nate can somewhat read what Wade is thinking.

Often, I can write scenes where two characters have an interaction but have wildly different interpretations of it, and depending on which character I’m settled on in 3rd person perspective, it’s left up to the reader to pick up on that or reread later and realize, oh wow, now I know the other person reacted like that because their mind was totally elsewhere. In this fic, every single interaction is like that, and it’s split into stark contrast. Wade is earnest in his interactions, and in denial, and masking so much hurt with humor, and he sees Nate as violent, and cold, and uncaring. Nate is still holding onto trauma, and masking his hurt with stoicism, and ignoring Wade because he cannot allow himself to grow attached to anyone in this timeline because he isn’t sure he could emotionally survive that, and from his perspective Wade is lazy and can’t take anything seriously. Neither of them can communicate well, primarily because Nate shut himself off so effectively until he realized that Wade isn’t actually a punching bag that feels nothing, emotionally or otherwise, and he was being an asshole the entire time.

This is where communication starts to be able to begin, and Nate realizes he’s not going to break or lose his edge if he shows Wade kindness and compassion any more than being a good father to his daughter, because love is not a weakness. Caring is not a weakness.

Nate creates a dream for Wade - but, if you didn’t pick up on this - the dream is more Wade’s creation than anything. Nate was accustomed to helping Hope make imaginary snowflakes in her mind. Basically, like counting sheep, but more elaborate (but simple enough for a child) and pretty to look at. When Hope’s imagination wandered off to sleep, she would dream of snow hares made of ice, or spring flowers, or sparkling night skies. Remember - Nate is supposed to be guiding this.

But Wade’s imagination immediately goes out of Nate’s simple guidance, and turns into a full blown dreamscape. Not intricate snowflakes, because that’s complicated and boring to Wade’s mind, but an entire realm of rolling hills covered in snow and little trees, and then because Wade thinks, it would be cold and he doesn’t like that, he imagines that he’s inside where it’s warm and cozy and Nate is there, because he doesn’t want to be alone, and they both have matching sweaters and cocoa because that’s fucking nice and his idea of ‘heaven’ and Nate is shook because he remembers something that Wade doesn’t remember anymore-

Nate and Wade had gone drinking, only once. Before they became roommates. It sounded like a decent idea at the time. With an idiot like Wade, Nate had thought it could even be fun, but all of the alcohol just made Nate feel hazy and depressed. With Wade, it was worse. It made him quieter and cleared his mind. But when his mind was finally clear, there was nothing he could see that was good.

Wade had told Nate about seeing Vanessa when he died. He said if heaven existed, that was all he could ever hope for. Just the two of them in a cozy room, nestled on the couch together, forever. But he could never get in, no matter how many times he tried. She kept telling him it wasn't his time. And Wade was starting to worry that he just wasn't good enough to get there.

They didn't drink again.

Wade remembers that they went drinking, once, and that it was a bad time, but he doesn’t remember the exact details. Nate remembers that he’d thought it would be a decent method of escapism - his personal favorite - but instead the alcohol made them both more depressed and their problems harder to cope with, so they unofficially stopped altogether.

So, when Nate finds himself included in Wade’s dreamscape, he realizes that this is basically Wade’s perfect ideal, but he’s convinced he isn’t supposed to be included and he’s just a poor substitution.

It was everything Wade had ever hoped for, Nate realized. Only, Nate wasn't supposed to be here.

Just the two of them in a cozy room, nestled on the couch together, forever.

But Nate wasn't Vanessa.

And nothing ever lasted forever.

But this wasn't real.

Which meant that, just for a second, Nate could let himself pretend that it was.

Have I mentioned yet how many of these issues will be carried over into the sequel? Because that should be obvious at this point. Nothing is ever easy to resolve all in one go, unless you’re in like, idk, a fanfic or something. Also, more foreshadowing here about Nate’s conflicted feelings, being subconsciously compared to Vanessa’s former role in Wade’s life.

One more chapter, time for the POVs to merge and time for no more fantasy power crutchs to help us get through real communication problems and time to make fun of some X-Men too...

#reread #self meta #a little xo wouldn't go amiss #hoooo boy #long post #i'm so sorry mobile users

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bondibee · 6 years ago

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Athena pt 1

Hey I wrote a chelldos thing that got way out of hand and disastrously long so I’m splitting it into 2 parts. In which Chell goes on vacation and GLaDOS expresses her insecurities in possibly the worst way.

Chell had been gone for five months. She was back now, but that didn't change the fact that she had been gone, and that she’d left glados alone in the facility for nearly half a year. GLaDOS had made it clear how much Chell's absence hurt her the minute she returned, jumping into her arms and kissing her and crying like a fool. Looking back now it was embarrassing, and painful. For all of her outpouring of emotion, what had Chell done? Picked her up, spun her around, sure, but what else? What had she said? They spent an -admittedly very nice- night together, but the next morning Chell was nothing but smiles and eagerly presented photographs of the surface. For all of her excitement, GLaDOS only felt pain. Hadn't Chell missed her? Had she really just been having the time of her life up there, without her, while GLaDOS pined away like some pathetic widow?

Months of loneliness had not treated her well. GLaDOS was never designed to be left to her own devices, and maybe it showed. She knew she was more cruel to Atlas and P-body when Chell wasn’t around, but that didn't mean much, they just found themselves exploding a little more often. During the months of solitude she worked more than ever, trying to distract herself with science and research and whatever else she could think of to occupy her time, but the empty days stretched on excruciatingly slowly. She was lonely, and she was bored. She missed Chell, and she missed testing with Chell. She missed testing with a person in general, and eventually her boredom and isolation turned that sentiment into a little project.

The project itself was fairly simple. She had perfected the simulation of human bodies, at this point she'd gone through 4 herself, each one better than the last. She had spares on top of that, lined up in a pretty row in the lab adjacent to the central chamber. They were easy enough to make, but all identical, empty shells. It would be a fun little project, she thought, to make one that looked different, and to give it a purpose of its own. So, over the next few weeks she created a new test subject from scratch. Not like her, nothing else was quite like her, and not like Chell either. It could think in its own way, solve problems, be creative to a point, but it wouldn't try to run. It could communicate and understand language, but It didn't talk, it didn't need to. All it needed to do was listen.

There was no other reason she made it mute.

GLaDOS only considered aesthetics briefly, mostly just trying to make something that would be good for testing. The body she created had to be athletic, strong, capable. She made the new cyborg female, gave it brown hair, brown eyes. It was taller than her own human body, which was necessary for it to be of average height. She figured it was attractive enough, not that she was thinking about all that.

If it looked familiar, it was just because all humans looked mostly the same.

Athena, as she called it, was pretty good at testing. It wasn't the fastest or the smartest, but it was good enough. It did almost seem to have a personality of sorts, similar to the cooperative testing bots, but how much of that was just GLaDOS spending too much time watching it and assigning moods to its mannerisms was up for debate. It could be endearing, the way it peered cautiously over ledges or always opted to tiptoe around turrets instead of kicking them over like Chell did, but far more important than that was the fact that Athena was, effectively, mortal.

If it was injured, it would bleed. It could be killed, in any number of ways. This was an obvious improvement over the bots, who were largely useless no matter how much Chell liked them. Of course, GLaDOS had made over 40 Athenas now, but she always had more. This meant it wasn't quite as meaningful when they died, no matter how spectacular a death they suffered (and they did suffer. They were quiet, but they knew how to scream.) there would be a replacement. But, at least it kept GLaDOS occupied in Chell's absence.

Mostly.

Athena was interesting, but it was just a toy. GLaDOS loved Chell. There was nothing she could do to even begin to fill the role that she left in her life. Chell was so much more than just a test subject, or even a lover. GLaDOS may have hated to admit it, but her world revolved around that woman. She was everything. Athena, in comparison, was nothing. It was of no more value to GLaDOS than a turret or a cube or a coffee mug or anything else.

But... that didn't mean Chell had to know that. As the weeks stretched on, and GLaDOS only grew lonelier and spent more sleepless nights clinging to Chell's pillow, her anguish slowly turned to anger. How dare Chell leave her like this? For so long? It was selfish of her. She could be doing anything up there on the surface. She could be hurt, or in trouble, or lost, or... she could have met someone else. That last thought made GLaDOS see red every time it crossed her mind, but she began to dwell on it. Eventually she almost cemented it to herself as fact. Chell had met someone else, of course she had. She was beautiful, strong, smart, who wouldn't want her? And why would she say no? After all GLaDOS was all the way down here, she couldn't object, and she would never know. Or so Chell thought.

Well, GLaDOS would show her. If Chell was up there tomcatting around, showing no regard for her feelings, she could stand a taste of her own medicine. Athena was somewhat desperate to please its maker, GLaDOS had programmed it that way so it would be motivated to solve tests, but that drive to please her could… be interpreted differently. It wasn't, but it could be. If GLaDOS just… didn't get rid of it after Chell came back, if she kept her new toy around and acted like she was just a little more excited about it than she really was, what would that do to Chell? It would teach her a lesson, is what.

To say that GLaDOS had fallen for her own con would be inaccurate. Of course she didn't have any feelings for Athena other than a loose pride felt for a successful invention. It was nice to look at, but she probably only thought that because of the vague resemblance it bore to someone else. GLaDOS didn't like humans much as a general rule, and she certainly didn't find the vast majority of them attractive. That being said, the one human she was fond of had been away for months, and GLaDOS got lonely. She didn't go make out with the thing or anything like that, but there were probably times when her attentions lingered more on Athena’s body than the actual test it was solving, and maybe a few of the things she said to it were less than professional.

But, all that meant was that it wasn’t entirely unnatural to continue on with her plan after Chell returned home. The next morning- well, the next evening really by the time she finally got away from Chell’s painfully welcoming arms and had had some time to rest from the morning’s activities- GLaDOS left Chell to unpack and returned to the central chamber to do some work. She sat down in her chair and woke up Athena, who rose quickly from its stasis chamber, bright-eyed and eager to test.

“Good morning,” GLaDOS said. Athena smiled brightly at the camera. “Well, it's actually 4:45 pm, but you don't know any better, do you?” Athena just tilted its head to the side and kept smiling. “Well, hurry up.” Athena nodded, and trotted over to the nearest elevator.

GLaDOS watched half interested as Athena worked its way through test chambers, dropping lazy comments about its performance as she did.

Eventually GLaDOS felt familiar footsteps traveling down the hall outside, and was almost embarrassed at the way her heart leapt when she remembered that Chell was home. She wouldn't let herself come off as excited, though. Not after she already made such a scene last night, oh no. She was still angry. Chell might have been here now, but she wasn't for almost half a year. All those months of pain weren't just going to vanish from memory because she finally decided to come swaggering back to the facility. So when Chell did walk into the central chamber, wearing fresh clean clothes with hair still wet from the shower, GLaDOS didn't look up immediately. She kept her eyes on the monitor in front of her for a few seconds before looking over to Chell, then she smiled.

“Oh! Thank goodness you found some decent clothes. You look nice.”

Chell smiled bashfully, shoving her hands in her pockets as she walked over. “You do.”

“Aww, stop.” GLaDOS closed her eyes as Chell leaned in to kiss her, her heart fluttering in her chest with mixed emotions at the familiar gesture.

Chell pulled away almost shyly, as if they hadn't kissed plenty already since she got back. She ran her fingers along GLaDOS’s lapel as she spoke, her voice still quiet but somehow bolder than GLaDOS was used to hearing it, “So… want to see rest of the pictures I took?” she smiled and looked up to meet GLaDOS’s eyes.

GLaDOS started to return the smile, but then it faltered. “Well, I would but, I'm actually in the middle of something…”

Chell furrowed her brow and leaned in closer to get a look at GLaDOS’s monitor, despite the core’s feigned attempt to keep her from doing so. When she saw Athena on the screen, Chell's eyes went wide. For a moment GLaDOS felt some rising thrill in her chest, this was it.

“Is… Who is that?” Chells tone was measured, her words cautious and carefully chosen. GLaDOS could imagine what she must be thinking, her gray eyes affixed on Athena as it moved across the screen.

“Oh! That.” GLaDOS sat up, excited to share, “I've been calling it Athena.”

“It … is… she a human?” Chell looked to GLaDOS now, concern painting her face.

GLaDOS rolled her eyes and leaned back in her seat. “Oh please, one human is enough. It's a cyborg. Like me. We have a lot in common, actually,” GLaDOS paused and leaned over to speak into the microphone. “Athena!” She said, “Look over here.”

Athena did so, raising its warm brown eyes to the nearest camera and smiling. It gave a little wave.

GLaDOS laughed softly, and gestured for Chell to look at the screen. “See?”

Chell furrowed her brow, studying the orange jumpsuit-clad woman on the screen. She shook her head after a minute, “Im… confused.”

GLaDOS raised an eyebrow, “Confused? Oh come on, you're smarter than that. I needed something to do while you were gone. Athena has been a… side project of mine.”

Chell nodded slowly, “Huh…”

“Are you satisfied? We really shouldn't be stopping in the middle of a test like this.”

“Oh right, uh…” Chell backed off, swinging her arms awkwardly, “I guess I'll… go finish unpacking.”

“Good, sounds good.” GLaDOS leaned back over to the mic and told Athena “Stop staring at me, go back to work.”

Chell nodded and clapped her hands together, and eventually she left.

It was late by the time GLaDOS made her way back down to Chell's apartment. The hallway outside her door was full of junk she'd brought down from the surface, cluttering up the place and spreading germs and curious levels of radiation throughout the facility. GLaDOS scowled and kicked a tin box, inadvertently scattering a few dozen bottle caps over the floor. She heard a muffled curse from behind the apartment door before it opened.

Chell looked out into the hall at the mess, and then up at GLaDOS. “Oh!” She smiled, “Hi honey.”

GLaDOS gave a tight smile back, and looked back at the hall. “What is all this?”

“Uhh…” Chell shrugged, giving a little ‘it’s not important’ gesture before slipping past GLaDOS to start scooping up bottle caps. “Uhm… Oh, actually, I got you some things.”

“Oh?”

“Mm.” Chell nodded, and started rummaging through bags and crates. She pulled out a sizeable collection of guns and weapons, strange plants, trinkets, a lot of junk that GLaDOS wasn't exactly interested in, but a few things did catch her eye.

“I dunno. I thought you might think some of this stuff was…” Chell shrugged, “Interesting.”

“I see…” GLaDOS knelt down beside her, and let Chell show her some of the things she'd brought home. Some of it was actually fascinating. GLaDOS could think of plenty of possibilities for some of the new weapons, already thinking of modified turret schematics, but she wasn't totally able to focus. Earlier, after Chell left the central chamber, she had started to feel bad about the whole Athena thing. Chell had kissed her, just like before. She came to see her of her own volition. GLaDOS had thought that maybe she should let the whole thing go, but… as she turned an old dusty soda bottle over in her hands, those doubts faded away.

The reality was that every one of these things, every little piece of the surface that Chell had saved and carried back with her, was of value. They all had a story, a history. At some point Chell had found them or bought them and picked them up with her own hands, out there, in the dust and the dirt and the rain. They were proof that she had lived. GLaDOS was jealous.

Jealous of what? It was muddled. Perhaps she resented Chell for her freedom. For her willingness to leave, for how easy it was for her to live a new life and return as if it had only bettered her, as if she had no lasting tethers to this place and leaving it brought her no pain. GLaDOS couldn’t just leave like that, she didn’t have the luxury. For her every yard she strayed from the facility felt as if she was being separated from her very soul, as if she was being torn away from a part of herself. Even when Chell carried her into the wheatfield on their anniversary and she felt the sun against her skin for the first time, all she remembered feeling was fear.

GLaDOS’s mood only got worse after Chell brought her inside and they lay on Chell's bed together to look through the remaining pictures on her camera.

GLaDOS had given her the old DSLR herself, before she left for her trip. Back then she thought it would be fun to do this, to see all the places and sights Chell had seen, to live her adventure vicariously. But, it wasn't. It was painful. GLaDOS had missed so much. It wasn't that she had missed out on seeing anything on the surface- it looked bleak and miserable, nothing but ruined buildings and seedy shanty towns- but she had missed a part of Chell's life. What had Chell learned during all this? How had she changed? A lot happens in five months. What had happened to her? GLaDOS didn't know. She never would, not really. Not like Chell's new friends did.

Among the pictures of forests and blasted out roads were many shots of the same small group of people, mostly candids, though a few were posed. Chell appeared rarely in the pictures, obviously the one behind the camera most of the time. GLaDOS hadn't anticipated this. She had worried about Chell getting injured (which she had, quite severely, she had the fresh scars to show for it,) or dying up there. She worried that she would never come back. She worried about her falling in love with someone else. But she hadn't thought about Chell just making friends, about her living a normal life.

That was something she could never compete with.

A cold fear ran through glados when Chell showed her the first picture of the group, introducing them all by name, though GLaDOS didn't remember them. She was distracted by her own thoughts. Chell would realize, soon enough, that she missed them. That she missed living like that, more than she had ever missed living in aperture.

More than she had ever missed GLaDOS.

And she would leave.

GLaDOS no longer felt bad about Athena. Instead she just felt a cold, numbing fear. She clung to Chell’s waist and laid her head on her chest, and said nothing as Chell scrolled through the photographs. She just thought. Chell didn’t seem to notice that anything was wrong, and if she did she didn’t bring it up, gently stroking GLaDOS’s hair. Eventually she put the camera down and wrapped her arms around the core’s body, wordlessly pulling her into an embrace. Even pressed this close to her skin, GLaDOS felt distant, as if Chell was now somehow removed from her.

It was with a renewed vigor that GLaDOS returned to the central chamber the next day. She was unhappy, her chest tight with a swirling mix of envy and frustration that she didn't quite understand. She sat in her throne and woke up Athena. Chell had her friends. She had her life, her freedom, her options. GLaDOS may not have had all that, but that wasn't to say she had nothing. She had this. Her mind, her skills, her patience. She could make Chell regret leaving her, regret making her feel so awful and small. And she would, but it would take time. Looking at Athena now GLaDOS felt a surge of hostility, but not toward the unsuspecting cyborg. No, she wouldn't take this out on it, quite the opposite really. Athena was about to be happier than ever. As the not-quite human made its way into the first test chamber for the day, she leaned into the mic and wished it good luck.

It was just little things like that, at first. She made a point of being nice to Athena, being a little more encouraging than she usually would. Whether or not the android actually noticed was hard to discern, but it didn’t matter. What mattered was that Chell noticed, and she did. She had come into the central chamber that same day around 10 am, hands in her pockets and hair pulled back messily at the nape of her neck.

“You weren't in bed,” came Chell's quiet voice, still rough from sleep.

“Well, I wasn't going to just sleep the day away,” said GLaDOS without looking up from the screen that held her attention. “I have work to do.”

Chell huffed softly and made her way to the middle of the room. GLaDOS only looked up when she got to the stairs that wound up to the glass platform her throne was on. The test subject walked over wordlessly and leaned on the side of GLaDOS’s chair, looking over her shoulder at the array of monitors displaying the camera feeds from Athena’s current test chamber. She was quiet for a moment, looking over the test, probably trying to solve it in her head, before her eyes locked on the orange clad figure on the far left screen. GLaDOS noticed the obvious defensive shift in her body language, shoulders tense, that little twitch of her brow. She looked up at Chell with feigned curiosity, asking just what was bothering her? Chells brow furrowed.

“So… that thing…” she said, voice low and steady.

“Athena?”

“Sure.”

“what about It?”

“It's … not human?”

“Well, biologically I'd say it's about… 75 percent human. But really it's a robot, on the inside.

Where it matters.”

Chell hummed quietly, still leaning with her elbows on the side of the chair but obviously uncomfortable. GLaDOS watched her eyes track Athena across the screen like a predator, and felt a strange sense of pride at how well Chell was playing into her scheme.

“Do you want to know anything else about it?” She asked, “Really it's quite fascinating.”

“...Why did you build it?” Chell finally broke her gaze from the screen to look GLaDOS in the eye as she asked that.

GLaDOS looked at her like she was asking what color the sky was. “Why? It's a testing robot. I built it for testing.”

“You have testing robots.” Chell said gruffly.

GLaDOS rolled her eyes, “Chell, those two are… nice, but… they're mostly useless. You were gone for a long time, I couldn't just halt the march of progress while you were away.”

“Well… I'm back now.” Chell said, her tone almost hopeful.

A part of GLaDOS was instantly excited at what Chell was implying, actually a part of her was practically euphoric, but she couldn't let Chell know that. Instead she smiled coyly, and said “So you are. Want to see if you have any of those six brain cells left?”

Chell rolled her eyes but stood, giving GLaDOS a brief nod before hopping off the central platform and heading out the door to get ready.

#love as a construct #chelldos #I almost died trying to finish this dumb thing #bondibeewrites

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sole-cuore-amore-e-droga · 6 years ago

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Tel Aviv 2019: Straight outta Germany to Eurovision with two total strangers turned friends overnight

youtube

First, S!sters, let me tell you how it works, hey!

I am never too sure why but German national finals just almost NEVER work in my exact favour. Granted, I have forgiven them for Roman Lob because I have had literally no other reason to hate him other than “eww he’s winning every single Unser Star für Baku show bar one he’s such an easy winner”; and maybe Michael too because my only vitriol towards him was that he’s such a great soul... but only on his non-ESC stuff? If I had anyone else at the time, it would have obviously been the energy of Xavier Darcy and his song too! But at the same time Xavier would have placed worse than Michael so I’ll assume that Michael was actually the best possible choice for Germany at the time? Sorry, voXXclub, Ryk and Ivy Quainoo fans.

But god damn Germany, you could have given us just at least SOME ounce of competitiveness this year, couldn’t you??? And you'll know exactly why do I feel this certain way about this next target of my reviewing. Meet Carlotta Truman and Laurita Spinelli that were assembled specially for the German national final (which hopefully gives you a bit of a heads-up of where are the things going) and have a song written especially for them to pretend to be something they are actually not looking like to be, without their involvement... this songwriting camp experience has turned them into S!sters. Got that? Even the exclamation point part? Good, because you'll probably never hear of neither them, nor their song "Sister", ever again. Just like it is accepted for a German entry as of lately, I suppose.

It starts off innocently enough, with the music-box-y sound, and then quickly escalates into the singing on top of a different set of instruments. If there’s one thing I can’t fault this song for, it’s the instant relatability levels this song hits you with: “I’m tired”, “I’m tired of competing”, “I’m sorry for the drama”, “I tried to steal your thunder”... if these aren’t moods. Now what does this message tie into? Of course one of the songwriters (Laurell Barker) talked about the message of it being somewhat related to women who get aggressive with one another for things and I think I remember that the choruses represent their unity or so. However, I’d like to interpret it a little differently. If I consult myself of the meaning of this song for myself, it is somewhat indeed about two sisters that find it hard to get along a LOT (e.g.: me and my sister irl), but the chorus represents that in the end of the day, they’re still sisters, therefore, they’re each other’s family parts and the “fire” burning in between of them is the sign of the by-default sisterly bond and that it can be strong. If I listen to Laurell, however (and I should because it’s HER song and HER interpretations should be official), it’s two women who probably compete for a man’s attention and get angry at each other when they either receive something from that man (”how dare you get more flowers from him than me!”) or they don’t (”it’s your fault he didn’t look at either of us today!”). At the end they’re just “tired of competing” and “tired of always losing” and secretly accept the fact that they should just get the man notice them both equally so he can hang out with two chick of one’s price, all at once. ^^

But what about how the song sounds? Well, that’s the problem. It’s just your standard average pop tune that doesn’t offer anything fun nor exciting. It uses simple instruments (guitars, music box), simple melodies (the main leitmotif progression on this song is C - E - lower B - C), even the simple stage presentation (the girls were dressed in black for this song on the NF). Simplicity is key, but for a country like Germany, they often tend to wander off into a painfully average or just plain ‘misunderstood-idea’ category. Cascada had a good tune but in a rapidly evolving Eurovision their act just looked completely uninspired - just some chick with a mediocre dress dancing on stairs with random camera shots to the backings. While the others were even more fun and intriguing (or diaspora overvoted them). Elaiza for some reason was uninteresting for most songwise, to say the least. Ann Sophie wasn't so bad but the German staging director did not get the gist that turning your ass against Europe is a no way points magnetiser, not even from the thirsty guys looking for attractive Eurowomen. Jamie-Lee was so-so but she refused to let her otaku look go away for her Eurovision performance, therefore everything looked so confusing and there was no absolute point in anything, not even in those laser trees. And Levina was... ehhhhh... and like someone said on Twitter few days ago, this was a song with no staging. It's sad to see Germany sending something cookie-cutter but it's even more awful when they send something remotely decent but their staging sucks at the end. Even the one for "Sister" is not gonna feature the spinning platform they had in the NF originally for Tel Aviv, that's a shame.

Well if there’s something I can admire the song for is that the girls kind of sound good when they do the song live? Unlike San Marino 2018 (which is also two girls only paired for a national final that never knew each other in their lives but having to pretend to be besties after winning the NF they sang on), they truly sell the thing nicely without making it out to be a mess. The spinning platform might have helped a bit more and with it being gone so is the magic I guess, but I guess the ladies might make it work some more at SOME point (at least with their singing)... Also the structuring of the song is pretty smeared out but interesting. I'd expect them to go "oOoOo SISTER! WahOoO SISTE-ER!" after the whole chorus but Carlotta and Laurita are rebels - they use it after half a full chorus, omitting the second chorus line. And they manage to somehow bring that chorus back, so they can end it with proclaiming once more that something "[shines] like city lights, torches in the skYYY". Then they go all like "don't you try to hiiiiide iiiit, dON'T YOU TRY TO HIIIIIDE IIIIIT... SISTER!" and the music box closes everything. Bookends. And its simplicity is nice enough to not bother me, and the instrument touches (again, guitar, and they even tried to make the chorus slightly majestic, with strings I suppose, and thise backings that repeat the song's leitmotif melody) are quite delightful in itself, so that it wouldn't be boring, melred out vanilla with maple syrup - instead it's a bit more 'orchestral' vanilla. It's vanilla that's at least accompanied with some vocal strenght. I do imagine playing just that "oOoOo SISTER" part alone in a background of a fancy ball, with red carpet, punch bowl, silver sparkly dresses and chandelier lights. Everything of there filmed from top view until camera pabs to someone that looks like Anne Hathaway.

In the end I actually kinda like this, and I even liked Levina to some degree 2 years ago (but wasn’t fond of Jamie Lee and Ann Sophie, the better of the average German entries). It stands its ground out more than them - it has more going on for itself without needing to sound like a ripoff of another song or an anime fangirl staging. It has some nicer things going on for itself that I could care about (like the ‘orchestrale’). I have a feeling I might not like the girls' chemistry on stage and that it won't transmit to the viewing audience’s TV screens though, but more on that on the below résumée:

Approval factor: It’s... approvable, nothing much of complete approvable, but the feeling of liking this is there, so go ahead with it Germany...

Follow-up factor: Do I need to say more on this? You know what, these last two years for Germany proved that they decided to not improve on their result, Michael Schulte was just a fluke and if the Germans were more cloudcuckoolanding on last year’s German NF, they would’ve sent that only vanilla NF song they had in there...

Big 5 factor: If (emphasis on “if”) S!sters are staged nicely - decent vocals (no voicecracks like Levina), a bit better staging, “believable” chemistry - they maaaay escape bottom 2 at best, maybe even explore some more beyond the bottom 5... if anything else fails, bottom 5 is locked. I mean, they have plenty of places to fuck up in, like, making the girls look way too fake happy at each other at the end, or just let them scream “SISTEEEER” at each other with no mutual emotions exchanged at each other. Just like Italy was feared to look like last year - two men yelling angrily/passively-aggresively at each other. So can be S!sters, but the catch is that they’re’nt the fan faves. And they’re singing in English. And barely anyone of the “locals” would care about them anyway, just like the Eurofans don’t. (Also can S!sters get better stage clothes for Eurovision? Please? That’s just my flop suggestion, idk if it will give them better points but I would dress Laurita in a white suit (white crop top, white coat, white pants, even the stilettos white). Just because... they could play ying-yang with each other. Laurita can still have red lipstick on if she wants btw)

NATIONAL FINAL BONUS

Soooooo, Unser Lied für Israel. To be honest with y’all, this wasn’t a very favourable edition for me because, for one, I have never heard of any of those final NF acts. Wish they admitted Kasalla to the lineup, so then I could’ve had another clear favourite next to the first one down below that I’ll be talking about in this bonus. Second of all that... like I said, I wasn’t very hyped about this NF much unlike last year, where even some “who is she where did you find her” people tried their asses off to be appealing, and hey, a mediocre German NF filler-declared-winner did not win for once! (instead she went for judging talents in her actual home country and even danced a bit to that country NF’s winner song while it was performed as a competitor) This year, not only don’t I have an act that I would actively mourn of its NF loss, but also aside from my apparent favourite, the songs weren’t even that likeable by me. Yes, a lot of them were nice and Germany certainly upped their game, but I feel the same way I felt with Dora - only one good song, then another decent favourite that I have I guess, but that’s it. Let’s find out who won this NF for me and some other things:

• Look Germany, I found you your saviour you seemingly rejected! Well yeah fine, she didn’t do well with the international jury and S!sters did (only because the biased German juror pushed them into 1st), but let’s all agree her song would be a-bangin’. Meet Aly Ryan and her stylish synthpop tune “Wear Your Love”, complimented with a cool stage show, with projected stripes and everything! The expert jury rewarded it with 12 points rightfully, I’d say. Germany should’ve followed suit :) (also the trumpets remind me of a British NF fan flop from last year, “Legends” by Asanda. Is it just me???)

youtube

(this might as well just not matter anymore now that Aly’s management thought that it’s the best idea to block the fans that go to her DMs... granted that some artists could really use some privacy Instagram-wise, but that’s what disabling DMs is for. At least Aly still has fans though, unlike most other ULfI candidates. She should have enjoyed her attention, no? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) UPDATE: despite this people still would’ve wanted to see Aly win, and I agree. Some minor things are forgotten anyway and the artists are loved still if anything.)

• Not necessarily my favourite now but there was this cool chick going by the moniker Lilly Among Clouds. Nothing particular in her song “Surprise” sounds like there’s a happy sky with few clouds - it’s very much so a cloudy sky with a slightly dramatic storm coming out of them, complemented with Lilly’s bold vocals and the tone in her voice, and those orchestrals were something (and this song has an orchestral-based music video if anything). The song dragged in between a lot of the parts (verses felt like a passenger in a vast desert and the choruses were like a big oasis) but maybe those in-between song parts were to signify the calm before the storm, the warning before the “surpriiiiiiise”. Would have been a bold choice for Germany, this chick. Oh and I didn’t put a video down below (instead it’s linked somewhere) because I still have this screenshot on my phone. I love it.

• Besides those two, there also were two other remarkable ladies, and they they have a lot of things in common, besides their dark skin and that they’re ladies - BB Thomaz and Makeda. Two powerful ballads and two powerful vocals! Granted they were not my faves (I like 1,5 of both those songs combined though) but I admire their singingwork. It was magical. Not to mention are their songs themselves - BB Thomaz sang “Demons”, a quite personal song about overcoming one’s fears, bullying, naysayers, depression and everything like that, and also spawned this iconic line I am probably going to use on my T-shirt someday: “my demons can go and *dramatic thump* themselves!”. But I would’ve liked it more if the whole song sounded just like the verses - granted, it makes sense for her to go all showtune-y happy when she declares that her demons can go and *you know* themselves as she’s no longer dependent on them, but I found the choruses cheesy either way. Whereas Makeda, the sweet lil lovely gal, decided to go for a romantic ballad about not hating a guy after he breaks her heart. Her song “The Day I Loved You Most” is one big role model of mine now when it will come to my future relationships: I will never have to worry about the days when my non-existent future BF is a dick to me - instead I will rather cherish the good ole’ days in my heart without whining big time about our broken-off relationship! Yeah that’ll do I suppose. It was a nice ballad to me. Makeda also nailed one damn big great highnote live and that’s how I understood why International Jury and Eurovision Expert Jury loved it so much. Televote dares sink Makeda and uproot S!sters? For shame. Inb4 y’all ask me “but what about the other two?!?” - lol they’re not worth your attention. They’re just twink songs. I like one of them enough to be my 2nd of ULfI, but lbr, no one and absolutely no one, cared about them. That’s all.

• This NF started off with the hosts collectively attempting to make “You Let Me Walk Alone” sound somewhat funny? idk? and then Michael came back to save his own goddamn song out of the entrance door from the audience and right onto the stage <3 amazing.

• Yet again, I commend the hosting of this show that has, and how much does it try to make a knock-off Eurovision, ever since last year ❤ Starting with the logo, continuing off with live commentary during the ending and the beginning of performances, including interval acts, and a sequenced voting ❤ One of the few complaints I have is that the postcards seemed waaaaay longer than each individual competing entries? I know I tl;dr with my reviews a lot here but some NF shows just get out the stories of singers' lives rather quickly and painlessly...

• ULfI decided that it'd be a good idea to outrival Festivali i Këngës in terms of ridiculously unnecessary interval acts. Yeah. There was this cowboy guy with glasses doing his own tunes, then him again on another interval act (I forgot but wasn’t his name Udo?), then Lena at some point (one of the better interval acts actually), then Michael Schulte, then this one dude from a band Revolverhed (who later voted as part of the International Jury as the German juror and... 12′d S!sters out of his The Voice mentor bias for one of his ladies. Yeah yeah, rigging...)... there were just a little too many, that’s what I’m saying.

• Now how exactly did we all know of the victory of the S!sters? Why, with voting sequences, of course! At first we have had this international jury made up of random specific people, usually giving 12s to S!sters, Makeda or some other twink. S!sters won it, then came the Eurovision panel whose votes were co-read by ... GASP! WILLIAM FROM WIWIBLOGGS!!! ;O don’t worry though he did not dun goof anything this time - the 12 from the Eurovision panel went to Aly Ryan. Sounds hopeful enough, right?? Well, hell no, as then came the televoting results, announced by Mr. Jon Ola Sand and he announced the 12 to S!sters! Oh German televoting, why did you allow yourselves to be THIS brainwashed and decline the good progress since Michael???? I will never forgive Germany for pushing S!sters this far. Putting them up together last minute and also last-minute adding them to the lineup, giving them the pimpslot, making a person who knows one of the S!sters more personally a German 'representative' of the International Jury... unacceptable.

• IDK where to find this but there was this part of the winner reprise where the blonde S!ster (that’s Carlotta) was so overwhelmed with joy that she struggled to open her song straightforwardly and instead let all the tears and laughs(???) take over her. It’s obvious this happens during all those winner reprises that the winner cannot really contain their emotions for what joyballs the victories have rendered them to, but that moment still sticks out to me. The other S!ster (Laurita) was much more collected and later on both of them carried on the right track and sang the rest of this whole thing decently!

For now I’d just wish them viel Glück in Tel Aviv and I hope that their friendship last longer than Jessika’s and Jenifer’s from last year! (probably not because like these two, S!sters are bound to flop, and separate as immediately as the unfortunately-formed class group project participants, just like Jenifer from Jessika)

#eurovision 2019 #tel aviv 2019 reviews #germany 2019 #s!sters #sister #germany

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dynamite-derek · 6 years ago

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My top-10 games of 2018

It’s that time of the year where you are flooded with lists of the best stuff from 2018 and I’m no different. Originally I was going to just make a list of the top 10 games I played in 2018. I even had a giant list I was updating throughout the year. But one day my phone randomly reset and I lost that list. So, business as usual this year. Maybe next year.

Before I start with the numbered list, I’d like to note a couple of games that won’t be appearing for various reasons.

Games I liked a lot but haven’t played enough of to place on a list like this: Into the Breach, Dead Cells

A critically acclaimed game I haven’t played: God of War

I don’t want remakes on my list, but these games were really good: Shadow of the Colossus, Yakuza Kiwami 2 and Spyro Reignited Trilogy

Ports aren’t eligible but I like these a lot too: Donkey Kong Tropical Freeze, Shenmue 1&2, Hyrule Warriors and the PC port of one of the best games ever, Yakuza 0.

Okay, let’s get started.

10-) Red Dead Redemption 2: Actually had to debate between this and Pokemon: Let’s Go Pikachu for this spot. Ultimately I chose this game because the narrative is spectacular. Well that and the fact that Let’s Go is sort of a remake. This game absolutely nails atmospheric storytelling and creates one of the most interesting protagonists in AAA gaming. This game does a lot of things well, but the actual gameplay portion is...pretty mixed. I didn’t have fun with the open world at all and most missions involved long bouts of horseback riding with dialogue or ambient music. But RDR 2 does everything else so well. It also knows when to go all out. Every major mission in the game is memorable for one reason or another, especially with intelligent usage of music. It’s a game I will never play again, but despite some problems with the gameplay I can safely say that I enjoyed my time with it.

9-) Mario Tennis Aces: This game was a lot of fun. I wrote about it earlier in the year and my opinions on it are still the same. Even though the gameplay is fairly simplistic, every match against another human felt unique and different. You have to learn the styles of your opposition and adapt. It’s like a fighting game! The online gameplay was also pretty solid. I felt pretty damn good whenever I would win a tournament. Really, Smash Bros. Ultimate would have done well to borrow this mechanic in some way. The only real problem with the game is that there is just a major lack of content. The heavily advertised story mode is barely worth playing and the cups, well, you might as well be playing against an unmanned player 2. I haven’t touched the game in a while, so this might have been fixed via update. As I said a few months ago, this game could have been a masterpiece with a bit of extra fine tuning.

8-) Dragon Ball Fighter Z: This game feels like it was made specifically for me. I have a lot of love for the Marvel vs. Capcom games and even more love for the Dragon Ball franchise. The game is easy to approach for newcomers to this type of game by keeping the inputs simple and having very easy to pull of auto-combos. You won’t do too well online if you stick to the auto combos, but it’s a good way to start and learn how to play. I think a lot of people could start with Fighter Z and transition into more complicated fighting games, which is exactly what you want with a game like this that will attract many people who might not otherwise play a traditional fighter. Oh, and sometimes it looks like you’re playing an episode of the anime which is insane. The story mode is pretty tedious at times, which is a let down, but Fighter Z is an absolute blast to play and is easily the best playing Dragon Ball game yet. Hopefully season 2 of the DLC goes less heavy on all the Gokus.

7-) Mega Man 11: The blue bomber returns! It’s been a long wait, but after playing through both collections last year and then the X-collection earlier this year, I was ready for Mega Man to get back into the spotlight. It’s a little hard to get into at first because the level design seems pretty tied into the main new mechanic, the gear system. Basically the player can slow things down to a crawl or boost Mega Man’s power. If you just play this game like you would any other Mega Man game, you’re probably going to throw your console out the window during Tiki Man’s stage. Once you figure this out, the system adds a unique flavor to the Mega Man experience and feels like an actual new Mega Man. I love MM9 and 10, but those did not feel like new games. The only thing that I didn’t like about this game was the music. Which, uh, is weird for a Mega Man game. Here’s hoping they get it right in the inevitable Mega Man X9.

6-) Marvel’s Spider-Man: I don’t particularly like super hero movies and I haven’t enjoyed a Spider-Man game thoroughly since the first PS1 Spider-Man, so you wouldn’t normally think this game would appeal to me. But it absolutely does. The gameplay is outstanding and combines an improved version of the swinging scene in Spider-Man 2 with a combat system that is fairly similar to the Batman Arkham games. I recommend playing the game on hard because, while it’s hard to get used to, it makes every encounter feel unique. You constantly have to adapt to what the enemy is doing. You can’t just mash on the attack button and then press the dodge button when the dodge prompt comes up.

The story is also interesting throughout. It has my favorite interpretation of Peter Parker I’ve seen in a while and has a pretty enjoyable cast of characters. Really Mary Jane is the only character I didn’t like and even with her, there are moments that hit home - specifically the text exchanges between MJ and Peter. The game is littered with references to past Spidey adventures and just feels like a giant love letter to fans of the hero. Can’t recommend it enough.

5-) Celeste: I didn’t know what to expect with this game. Sometimes I feel very leery of when a bunch of people prop up an indy game too much. Gone Home a couple of years ago told a pretty mediocre story that was held up as some form of high art. Just didn’t get it. So I went into Celeste wanting to not like it and came out fairly surprised. The gameplay feels like a better version of Super Meat Boy and the narrative tells a pretty compelling tale about depression and how to come to terms with yourself. I even don’t mind the pixel art. I am getting sick of indy games going for the retro aesthetic, but when combined with the great soundtrack it’s hard not to love what it’s presenting.

The game is simple enough to complete on its own. I would argue that anybody could do it as long as they keep at it. But for those platforming veterans, the game also offers a heavy challenge. The B-side and C-side levels will test your skills and remind you of some of the most challenging bits of hard platforming games like Super Meat Boy and I Wanna Be The Guy. Basically, come for the compelling narrative. Stay for the wickedly difficult and addicting gameplay.

4-) Yakuza 6: I believe I enjoyed this game far more than most folks. It told the end of Kazuma Kiryu’s story. It had some problems along the way but my god did I enjoy the ride. The cast of characters surrounding Kiryu in Hiroshima are all great and one of the main characters is Beat Takeshi. It also has a ton of things to do and see. I love the clan wars sidequest featuring New Japan wrestlers, I love the baseball manager quest, I LOVED becoming a regular at a bar and getting to know everyone in it like I was playing some sort of weird Cheers game, I even loved the adult cam chats that came with wacky dialogue. This game is full of charm.

I haven’t mentioned the gameplay yet you might have noticed. That’s because, well, it’s a new direction for the franchise. It focuses on allowing more people to fight Kiryu at once and as a result feels less refined than recent entries Yakuza 0 and Yakuza 5. I am excited to see where they take it in Yakuza 7, but I would be fibbing if I suggested that I felt 6 plays as well as previous entries. Still, the entire Yakuza package is compelling and I never felt like I was scrambling for things to do or see. I don’t 100% games out of obligation. I’m not one of those people that feels the need to 100% every game I play. I 100%ed Yakuza 6 though. And I loved every minute of it, combat and all.

3-) Valkyria Chronicles 4: As none of you might know, I used to review games for a website called 411mania. One of the games I reviewed for them was the original Valkyria Chronicles. Nobody else wanted to do it because it looked like a generic jRPG and I was really the only person on the site who liked jRPGs so the game fell to me. And I absolutely loved it. The story was captivating, the graphics were stylish and and the gameplay felt like a breath of fresh air. It was the combination of a tactical RPG and a (very, very simplified) shooter. To this day it remains one of my favorite games ever. Conversely, Valkyria Chronicles 2 on the PSP is one of my least favorite games ever and 3 never came to the states - though it does have a fan translation. The franchise has felt dead in the west for ages. The musou-like Azure Revolution sure as fuck didn’t get me going.

4 came out this year and it felt like I went back in time. Everything I loved about 1 was back. It’s even expanded upon. The grenadier is a great new troop that feels overpowered at first, but really forces the player to rethink how to approach certain situations. The story isn’t as good as the story in 1, but I found it simple and enjoyable. I genuinely liked the main cast and wanted to see them do well. That’s more than I can say for a lot of games. I know I mentioned earlier in my blurb about Mega Man that what I liked about it was that it actually felt like a new game. The difference here is that I have 10 other Mega Man games that play like Mega Man games. With this franchise, I have 1 (or maybe 2, I hate how maps work on the PSP but I have not played enough of 3 to judge). Sometimes a franchise revival needs to go “like the one you like but more” route. I loved this game and I hope as it gets cheaper more people try it.

2-) Dragon Quest XI: Hey you might notice this about my gaming preferences, but I really enjoy Japanese RPGs! And this sure as hell was one of those! DQ XI felt like a game from another dimension in a lot of ways. It’s a traditional playing Japanese RPG with a big AAA budget. It looks breathtaking. Big budget JRPGs feel like something out of the PS2 era, which is great because I sure love PS2 era RPGs. It’s lengthy, it has a crazy amount of postgame content and has a lot of side stuff in case you get tired of fighting down the main path. It’s a great throwback.

This game also has the most balanced party in recent RPG memory. Usually games like these have one or two party members that you just don’t enjoy. For instance, Final Fantasy X is one of my favorite games ever. But I just don’t like Kimahri. I don’t like using him and I don’t think his character is interesting. DQ XI has nobody like that. I found everybody likable. Sylvando and Jade in particular stand out and are among my favorite characters in gaming. Really, I enjoy everything about this game. Even the music! I know a lot of people complain about the simplified score in the western version, but I honestly found it to work out pretty well for the game. Obviously the Japanese version is superior, but I still enjoy it. If you’re a fan of RPGs and you haven’t played DQ XI, you’re missing out.

1-) Super Smash Brothers Ultimate: This was my most anticipated game of 2018 from the moment it was announced and the final product delivered everything that I had hoped it would. You have a large cast of characters, a crazy number of stages and a bunch of single player content to consume in between bouts of online or local multiplayer. The single player is what ranks this game so high for me. The classic mode - think arcade mode in standard fighters - is easily the best it has ever been. Each character has their own route with their own gimmick, which gives the player incentive to play each and every one. With a roster of over 70 fighters, that’s impressive. The adventure mode can start off slow, but once you get into the groove of it I really think it stands out as something special. It’s an expanded version of event battles from past games. You face off against a fighter (or fighters) embodying the personality of a character that isn’t in the game. They range from obscure stuff you haven’t heard of to a fight with Geno’s spirit that has you do battle with the cast of Super Mario RPG (with substitutes for Geno and Mallow). It feels very creative. It can be grindy for some, but I really enjoyed my time with it.

I think the online could be more fleshed out. I don’t experience as many laggy matches as most people, but even still the options online are fairly bare bones. You don’t even have leaderboards. I want to compare how good I am with how good my friends are! I think Nintendo plans to keep this game alive for the duration of the Switch’s lifespan, so I believe there will be plenty of time to get the online situation perfect. That doesn’t really excuse Nintendo from still not getting online even close to right in 2018, but I find Ultimate to be such a complete package that I can look past these shortcomings. Ultimately, it is my favorite entry in one of my favorite franchises. So it’s pretty easily my game of the year.

#Game of the year #game of 2018 #games of the year #Red Dead Redemption 2 #Dragon Ball FighterZ #Mario Tennis Aces #Mega Man 11 #Spider-Man #Celeste #Yakuza 6 #valkyria chronicles 4 #Dragon Quest XI #Super Smash Brothers Ultimate #opinion

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afoolsingenuity · 6 years ago

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Shift Series: Bearly Married & Trust the Wolf // I Started Nervous And Ended Wanting More

So… there’s an author I had on my radar whose books I was dead excited for… but was also hella nervous about I feel like I got to know Zoe pretty well back in her blogging days so when she announced she’d disappeared in the blogosphere to write a book I was excited. And then when she emailed over a copy of them I suddenly got all kinds of nervous because what I about if I didn’t like it? Can there be anything worse than trying to break that news to someone? And then it was agreed that if I didn’t like it I’d read and we’d never speak of it again. I’ve probably got her all twisted about it actually because I got these books ages ago and I’ve said no words to her… well, these are all my thoughts. Good and bad. I am not going to avoid any negatives but I am so totally invested in reading the next book in the series so you know it’s not all bad.

Bearly Married (Shift #0.5) – Zoe Ashwood

Source: Author/Newsletter Genre: Paranormal romance My Rating:

Love is a great reason to marry someone, but so is desperation.

Alexandre Thibault needs to marry an heiress: his clan’s finances are decimated, and his cousin is challenging him for leadership. He has even found the perfect woman—a pure-blood bear shifter with a hefty dowry—though he never expected the attraction between them.

Christine Bergeron will do anything to escape her family home, though exchanging the city for the Canadian wilderness isn’t as easy as she’d imagined. Especially when she’s in danger of losing her heart to a man who might never love her back.

But as enemies threaten their family, Alexandre and Christine will risk everything to keep their safe haven.

Bearly Married is a prequel novella and it was released as a freebie for joining her newsletter but she sent a copy across in case I hadn’t grabbed it already. It was such an easy novella to read and whilst it had that annoying problem of leaving me wanting more it was in no way unsatisfying as a novella. It was a great introduction to the characters of Alexandre and Christine who play a more significant role in Trust the Wolf (although you have to wait for them so patience is a virtue).

This novella was the first time I’d read any of Zoe’s writing and like I said at the start, I was all kinds of nervous but I want in with an open mind and the writing style I liked. I didn’t instantly love either Alexandre or Christine. I was trying to figure out their world and everything which was happening and so whilst that was happening I wasn’t certain what to think of them. Especially as they come together in some weird archaic arranged marriage. But as I began to figure out their world and how things worked in this shifter realm I began to like them. Especially as you caught glimpses of how Christine is badass and will not take things lying down when her new husband she barely knows tries to stick in a role without any consultation and expects her to be happy with it. And when Alexandre accepts her push back without blinking an eye and actually praises her for it I figured I was going to like these guys.

They were a cute couple who had some crazy stuff going on considering the shortness of this novella. I lot of story was packed within its pages. I think my biggest grumble is I felt like a lot of the secondary characters didn’t get developed enough and I found myself needing more. I didn’t mind shifter culture wasn’t explained too in depth as this was just a prequel and that was to come, but I would have liked more… but that’s a grumble I have with all novellas. It was enjoyable and it did get me excited to continue with the series.

Trust the Wolf (Shift #1) – Zoe Ashwood

Published: 24th January 2019

Source: Author

Genre: Paranormal Romance

My Rating:

You never forget your first wolf.

Emilia’s first encounter with Jason is memorable: it’s not every day you see a stranger change into a wolf. Her attraction to him is undeniable, but the secret he shares shakes the foundations of her life.

Jason’s need for Emilia unnerves him. It’s his job to report shifters without proper ID, yet he can’t make himself do it this time. The decision bites him in the tail when he discovers exactly who she is. He must keep his distance—or there will be hell to pay.

Their fates entwine when rogue shifters learn of Emilia’s identity and will stop at nothing to get to her. Emilia and Jason will have to fight together or risk losing everything.

But most of all? Emilia must learn to trust the wolf.

I’d enjoyed Bearly Married and I was intrigued by where Trust the Wolf would be going but I was still a touch nervous because a full-blown novel is a different kettle of fish to a novella. I thoroughly enjoyed this book, though. There are no doubts to be had about that. I mean, I am eager for the next book to be in my hands because of the little snippet at the end of the first book… it was nowhere near enough to satisfy my cravings.

I will begin with my grumbles to get them out of the way. They are minor things of the grand scheme of things but it did affect my enjoyment.

First off, I struggled to get a clear idea of what I felt like the main characters would look like. Now, I am not saying I have a specific person cast in a role every time I read a book, but I tend to have some kind of fuzzy image in my head as I’m reading. My fizzy image for this book was fuzzier than usual. Now, this is partially the way I read. I have a habit of unintentionally skimming as I read and so skip things without realising (this is especially confusing in sex scenes when you’re like how did they get in that position?) and so I often find myself going back and rereading a scene and this was something which did happen here. There was a description of characters but my brain did not process it and I skipped bits without realising but other books my fuzzy image still develops... I didn’t get that as much here and it bothered me as I read.

I also had some issues with the pacing, but this again a me thing. I didn’t get totally invested in the book until like 20% of the way and I could see some interesting storyline developing, but before that, I honestly didn’t know where the book was going. But then at 50%, it seemed to have stalled a little and I was like where’s my action? And then action happened, but it hit 80% and I was questioning where the action had gone again and wouldn’t if there would be a book that sort of fizzled out. But then I felt like I was on a bit of a rollercoaster to the end so I suppose I shouldn’t complain. I think I would have liked a more constant pace of story… but then I’ve probably complained in reviews before that the book was moving too fast and couldn’t keep up. I guess I can sometimes be fussy. This one didn’t hinder my enjoyment, but since I was never sure what path the book was going to take I was very aware of the pace of the book and it took me out of the story at times.

Like I said, it wasn’t all bad because I am making grabby hands at the second book and there was plenty which kept me reading.

First off, I liked Emilia. I admit, when I first started reading I thought she knew she was a shifter so it was fun to see her reactions to this whole new world which was revealed to her. And I loved that even when this whole other world was revealed there was never any doubt that she would still want her old life. There seemed to be a constant assumption in the shifter world that once you’re a shifter the human world would be forgotten and shifters would be #1 which grated. It was good to see Emilia speaking some sense and putting folks in their place. I have to say, because I read the novella first I was constantly trying to figure out how it connected with this book and so I sort of called it with Emilia’s heritage (why yes, I did high five myself) but I still wasn’t spot on so I really enjoyed seeing her heritage revealed and how that affected both her but also how other characters (namely Jason) saw her.

I was frustrated by Jason in the book, though. I was there enjoying Emilia’s shock and reactions to shifter society whilst wanting to shake Jason. The man was all kinds of hot and cold (and occasionally arctic) with how he was with Emilia and I just so did not have time for that. It was explained pretty well why he was bouncing back and forth with how he felt for Emilia but damn did I want to give the boy a shake and tell him to sort his head out or get lost because I do not have patience for folks being messed about and there was a touch of that at the start. Thankfully, he figured himself out sharpish before I got genuinely annoyed with him otherwise we would be having a very different discussion about my feelings for this book. It was written well his struggle with himself and you couldn’t hate him too much for it because there were reasons!

I have to say the best part of this book was the relationship between Emilia and Jason but especially the sexy times (without being weird). The romance was so strong, though! Like, I knew Zoe could write good romance from the novella but damn did it shine brightest in this book when she had more time to develop the relationship. From the sexual tension building between the pair in a shifter club to a mutual masturbation scene during their road trip right up to when they actually have their bow-chicka-wow-wow moment later on. All were written well and I may not have been fanning myself, but it was close guys. The romance and sex were written so well and there was no cringing (seriously, I’ve had folks use decidedly unsexy language which throws me right out of a book so this is important to note). One moment which clearly stood out for me was when Jason backed all the way off during a heated make-out session towards the start and the couple had banged into a wall or something and Emilia let out a sound which he interpreted as him hurting her as he was being too full on and she then reassured him that it was good and more would be appreciated. I love little moments like that because they feel genuine, but also I like to see couples in romance discuss their boundaries. I don’t need an alpha male dominating with his whips and chains, I want mutual respect and a demonstration that it’s a partnership. I think that moment both set the tone for their romance together but also demonstrated what kind of romance author Zoe is. She will not be writing overbearing alpha males and unbalanced sexual relationships where the male dominates and the meek woman is just along for the ride. She wrote a woman who knew her sexual pleasure and was not afraid to grasp it with both hands and so what she wants. Why is there not more of that in romance?

Now is it a romance review if I am not complaining about folks not using their words? Yeah, there were moments of miscommunication and withholding of information which was annoying because you just know that’ll blow up in their face later on, but instead of falling into the trap of using that as a plot device to push Emilia and Jason apart it actually brought them together. It made them both question what they wanted from the other but it didn’t break them! And another time Emilia had shifted into a bear and was wondering around and you questioned if the designated bad guys were going to get her because woman wondering around alone, feels like a plot device to get her captured and in need to rescuing (boring, because why would want another example of how women need rescuing when we totally don’t) but nope. She gets told she’s leaving shifter territory and to get her ass back in the opposite direction to stay safe. And she even does some rescuing of her own later on, because Emilia's a badass like that. I just felt like this book was refreshing in not falling into the usual plot device traps which can be boring and have you rolling your eyes.

Look, I enjoyed this book. I do still have unanswered questions, but the kind of unanswered questions you expect to see explored in later books. I enjoyed this book a whole lot, far more than I think even I realised when reading because I write this up into more coherent words (you guys did not see my original word vomit take on this book, it was 2000 words long and I wrote it in like half an hour). I am eager for more, especially from the small glimpse I got of Truth or Bear. I am hoping as I continue on my questions about shifter politics and the story behind the bad guys (called the Guard) and I’m hoping we get to see more of the characters I’ve grown to love in this book. Look, it’s a debut, I am not claiming there is perfection, but it’s showing strong potential for some good stuff. I still need to learn more about the shifter world because from what I saw I do not get why Emilia would want to join (they’re a touch controlling in their government) but I do think there is a really interesting world to explore and I can’t wait to return and see this world from a new perspective.

Have you ever read a book by someone you sort of knew and felt nervous about it? And have I convinced you this a series to check out and give a chance?

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#a fool's ingenuity #books

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blackwoolncrown · 7 years ago

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curious to hear your thoughts bc i think they're sharp, as a person still figuring out fandom. what do you think of the moral okayness of thorki (the ship)? they're brothers, but gods.... godly incest? at what point does "ship what you want" stop applying?

It’s not so much about where it stops applying. Understand that I actually never have said what people should or shouldn’t read- only that what a person chooses to focus on in general (and therefore including what you write, watch, or read) is indicative of something and in many cases of certain taboo* or violent material my heavy suggestion is that that something is ultimately meaningful.

It’s not ‘just’ fiction.

So like, me personally? I often don’t actually care what someone is into (with some logical exceptions), I care whether or not they’re aware of why, because often people would rather not inspect the why so they can keep enjoying problematic media (and also my actual Big Thing is I don’t approve of situations where someone engages in activity they are not fully aware of, because to me if you aren’t aware of the consequences or origins of your actions, you haven’t fully consented to what you’re doing and that makes me sad. Example: Do you smoke cigarettes? Fine! It’s your body; as long as you aren’t exposing non-smokers to second hand smoke, no one should have shit to say. But if you start smoking bc you believe that cigarettes aren’t actually bad for you and there’s no downsides, you haven’t fully consented and now I wish you either a) inspected your motives and actions or b) stopped).

Overall I suspect that many of the most vociferous defenders of ‘fiction is just fiction!’ are people whose interests often veer into what we often call taboo (I think that word is so ineffective) who don’t want to ask themselves why. My other general rule is that people are most doggedly defensive about what they get off to. There’s also the issue of people having already brought to question their fictive interests and instead of wanting to find out the answer, deciding There’s Nothing To See Here, Fiction Is Just Fiction! Or, on the cusp of identifying a maladaptive interest and feeling as if that’s an action of self-judgment, they identify with their fictive interest because to them judging it means judging themselves.

Ideally neither is necessary. You can just understand that you got into something at a previous time but you’ve grown past it, learned from it, and can walk away from it without shame. After all, it’s ideally just your business. All I’m saying is that you know what the fuck your business is, pardon my french, because people who don’t know themselves are….well, it’s an issue.So to answer your question, here’s another question: If Thor and Loki were not brothers, would you care as much? Imagine a situation in which Thor and Loki are not related, but still share a lusty rivalry. Is something missing? What is it? What about them being gods absolves, in your mind, the impact of their siblinghood?Often, something like sibling incest (which to me is, honestly, not my bag but obviously way less awful than parent/child due to a whole slew of issues with imbalance there) is exciting to people simply because either a) the incest is the barrier to love and in general barriers to love make ‘good’ stories because two people overcoming the bounds of a romantic limitation is a more moving story than two people who can love freely (bc we love suffering and strife! it seasons things, I guess lol) and the incest is just an easy yet huge barrier b) because we have a hard time working through something without sexualizing it and who could write or would want to read about two brothers’ having a heartfelt love/hate brotherhood? Very few people, apparently, because that’s not a valued interaction. Thus, add some fucking into the story and Thor and Loki can work out their antagonistic feelings without getting to the bottom of them because we imagine sex is an equalizer and a balm (it’s not, but I understand the idea has a huge place in erotic fiction and absolutely use it myself when I write for fun).That speaks, to me, of an issue (and I’m going to be specific here) with not really having the language or familiarity with the social concept of brotherly love to make a story about it and its struggles interesting. We don’t have the language and thus cannot conceive of brother/brother reconciliation without sex. And this again speaks of a larger issue our society has with sex and the huge void of emotionality between strangers and lovers (friendships, loyalty. non-sexual bonding? What’s that?). We cannot conceive of a way to intensify, for the sake of adult (in age, not nature) entertainment, something like siblinghood without using sex.

It’s just cheap writing.

On the other hand, the very real ramifications of this easy-route conflict writing is that it sexualizes and normalizes sibling incest (or other things in the case of other stories) and I think it’s incredibly callous to want to ignore the voices of SA victims in this regard. People like to retort that ‘well YOU might not be able to tell fiction from reality, but I can’ but here’s the thing: Your subconscious mind can’t. If your brain wholly knew that the fiction you were reading was Not-Reality the information would be irrelevant and would fail to produce an emotional response. The reason we are excited, aroused, sad, scared, angry, tense, etc during movies and books is because while we are focused on them our mind is interpreting the happenings as actual happenings. To the extent (!) that media ‘pulls you in’, your subconscious believes it, validates it, and signals responses accordingly. That’s why it’s entertaining.

I say this because something many fans of certain content don’t want to face is that the consumption and support of, and proximity to certain types of violent or taboo content starts to lessen your reaction to them. I’m not speaking as an outsider, here, and so I caution you and anyone else to second-guess the awareness of anyone who says ‘there’s no way that’s true!’. What you repeatedly experience becomes normal for you. This doesn’t apply as heavily with Thorki or similar ships bc of the conceptual complexity (it’s pretty far-removed) but there are certainly fetishes/ships where repeated exposure lessens your reaction to that concept in general. As if that doesn’t seem to be problem enough, since this is an issue of entertainment, this also means that a person seeks more of the content. After all, what fic fan reads just one story about their scandalous OTP? You need more, or more extreme versions. And I’m not talking out of my ass here- people for some reason love incest- it’s one of the top-searched terms on any adult media site for general consumption. On sites that it’s not, that’s only because the term itself is blacklisted and users use some other coded term. In the absence of pearl-clutching, we must recognize that smutty fiction and tube sites’ activities are largely the same. b/b m/s and f/d incest continue to draw attention and I honestly don’t know why.

And this is why I pay no mind to people who say that fiction has no effect on reality. Even if it didn’t, it arises from our reality. The real minds of real writers in the real world. And I’ve seen the results. I work with sex and fetishes- it’s my job. I know what people as a whole are into and I’m begging y’all: UNPACK THIS BAGGAGE. Soooo many fetishes are just maladaptive coping mechanisms, so talk of ‘fiction being just fiction’ are literally bullshit. Fetish, and the relative psychology of it, is my job, to the point that it’s also what I have to navigate to try and ensure my safety (by avoiding volatile fetishists) and income (my first job, for instance, was a porn artist, and by now I’m an adult content producer and prodomme). And again, many fetishes are the back end of intense or subconsciously formative moments in our lives. The attraction is not ‘the thing’, it is a thread us leading back to that moment, to learn from our experiences, to resolve past issues with the wiser perspective of our older selves.Again, there’s not much going on in terms of Thor/Loki here but on a wider scale there is. Often in fandom, for instance, it’s not really about the ship so much as the fetish. It’s disguised in the language of fandom, but people who have a bunch of incest ships are incest fetishists, full stop. There’s no difference in motive between them and the ~gross pervert guys~ reblogging porn gifs and adding incest prose to them. If geeks could more often find porn gifs that looked like their taboo OTP rest assured they’d do the same damn thing, most of them. Ficlovers like to act like their position is somehow more morally acceptable because there are no ‘real’ people involved like in porn, but whether or not a physical body is used to represent the characters/roles is a pedantic and nebulous distinction at best. Your interest is still your interest. And people are going to hate this, but it sounds so much like pedophiles on 4chan who say that their ‘fetish’ is okay because the characters aren’t real. Furries into cubs (not the gay dude kind but the baby animal kind) feel justified the same way because the figures are fantasy creatures. But they’re still expressly coded as the infantile versions of adult characters, and again, the motive is the same. I’m not saying ALL of these things are one to one, I’m saying it’s a similar logic: “This is a fantasy and as such it says nothing about me. It would only matter if I physically did it.” Which is dishonest and illogical bc one’s fantasies and interests arise out of their own minds. Porn consumption is a night map of the human social psyche. It’s not ‘nothing’.

Sure, most of those people would probably never touch a child, but that’s because the real world provides consequences the fantasy world doesn’t- not because they’re not interested. I know bc I’ve seen them say that themselves, many times. I was a 4chan teen. What was normal there would make a well-adjusted person puke. But I was maladaptive, impressionable and young at the time and it became normal for me. So many forms of incest, rape, pedophilia, bestiality etc became normal in the ‘shock makes things acceptable’ speed-posting culture of neverending offensiveness there. And that’s not just a 4chan thing. It’s a group anonymity thing. Any imageboard vet can tell you that. When you’re in the anonymous group, what the group does is what you do, and you go along with it, continuously being desensitized until you suddenly go WTF or…keep going. And having seen these arguments before, I’m wary of those who go to battle on the idea of all erotic fiction being totally beyond judgement, because often what is going on is that people whose interests should be judged, at the very least by themselves, argue against that so that there are other people who feel the same way who don’t realize they’ve been manipulated to cloak the offenders in their community.

But I digress.

Since my feelings on Killmonger fans* started this, I’ll offer an example of my own: I think AoU Ultron is hot. But I don’t actually want to fuck him. I wouldn’t be interested in any ‘reader x Ultron’ narratives. Why? Because despite my love for and identification with many villains (usually bc of their victim’s rage and queer coding which always leaves them far cooler and better dressed than the hero) and my love for robots, I can’t ignore that Ultron is a heartless, people-hating, death-machine. He has no interest in love, doesn’t care about anyone, and if he bothered to fuck a person (I fucking doubt it) he’d gladly fuck them apart. And since I love myself, I don’t find that appealing. If I found the idea of being fucked to death by a robot arousing, that says something about how I feel about my existence. I know bc I am strangely fascinated by the idea of armageddon (another reason Ultron appealed to me). Spoilers: it’s just easier to feel like you want the whole world to end when you’re so certain there’s no other solution and you yourself are afraid of the emotional responsibility of weathering the world and social interactions. When you love yourself and other people, the idea of seeing the world burn stops being so entrancing. So sure it’s an enthralling literary concept. Is it something I dedicate my blog to or obsess over?

No.

Other things I’ve examined- my love for robots. Do I find myself attracted to robots because they are humanoids you can objectify free of moral conflict? No, and that sucks for me bc that’s why most people like them and that affects the kind of adult media made about them (can you tell im bitter), it’s because I find humanoid robots to be something I can identify with, I see them as symbolically human, and relating to them is, to me, acknowledging that a human is also a construct with both programming and a will of its own it uses to explore and often fight that programming. My attraction to the concept of an automaton stems from my early realization that my own body is but a fantastic collection of parts, electric signals, programmed genetic data, pulleys and fuel. Amazing! Now that I know that, have I stopped consuming robot fetish media? Well yes but only because I can’t find any I like…but in general, no. I’m not ashamed of my attraction, I’ve unpacked it, faced it, and go on about my life. It actually did lessen the obsession, though.

So, to stay on point, sibling incest as a concept is IMO not ‘wrong’ to write/read about objectively but it is questionable to perpetuate, romanticize, fawn over, collect, celebrate, etc. Most problematic to me is the issue of how these ships are identified. Generally any time there are 2 handsome brothers in a piece of media, some not-small-enough contingency of the fandom assumes they’re fucking, and sees all forms of affection or antagonism between them as evidence of their lust.

What does this say about your ability to recognize sibling love? What does it say about the social value (or lack thereof) of the same? When ‘all feelings lead to sex’ is the overarching theme of our entire society, I can’t really say I am uncritical of concepts like hatesex and incest being so intensely attractive to people over, say, romantic love between two people who are not related by blood. A bit of a tangent but similarly while I get the chemistry appeal, the fact that ‘hatesex’ as a concept (two people who often express aggression, hatred, intolerance etc of each other being interpreted as actually masking feelings of attraction) is so popular is ripe for questioning. How far removed is it from “He picks on you because he likes you” and other maladaptive forms of “loving someone means hurting them…a lot” which are real actual problems people suffer for right now?

Plus, it begins to suggest as I said before that all forms of affection/relationship end in sex. Even if sex never happens, sex must logically be the apex of love if two characters who have any kind of affection, even if that affection is also seen in the presence of aggression (!) or a moral barrier (family bond), are easily assumed to be sexually compatible to the extent that fandom perpetuates.

So back to your point, this is again not really an issue (as far as where I’m coming from) with what’s right and wrong. It’s an issue of people needing to take responsibility for themselves and being curious about their own issues and interests. I’m not advocating for censorship- I’m advocating for people to enlighten themselves about themselves in which case a lot of ‘taboo’ media would be produced in a lessened capacity.

I find it interesting that when I ask “Why are you into ____?” people don’t answer that question, or seem unwilling to, since their first reaction is to flip out and cry censorship. No one seems to notice that that’s not what I’m actually saying lol.

I don’t care what people do, if it’s not hurting someone. I care that people know why they do what they do. I am critical of things and of myself. I think people should just dare to be critical. It’s a great tool for self-healing that doesn’t involve perpetuating damage.*I dislike the term taboo because it and the moral judgment it applies is a nebulous term that is used far too broadly. Incestuous pedophiles soften their interest by calling it ‘taboo’, but interracial relationships are also classed as ‘taboo’, thereby suggesting that the term is as loose as ‘whatever many people think is wrong’, which is clearly far too transient and easily-influenced. Often, I find, it’s used as ‘something that is morally objectionable for reasons we’re not going to explore, we’re just going to lump all this shit together indiscriminately as taboo’.

*Again, I don’t care about people who mainly think MBJ is hot as Killmonger, that’s totally logical. I question people whose fantasies specifically extend to Killmonger THE CHARACTER being seen as sexually attractive **because** of/specifically on the grounds of his general character (i.e. radicalized, violent, murderous, apathetic) and what kind of person would fantasize about being subject to a man like that.

#Anonymous #long post #long as fuck #and here's how I feel about things #mine #full transparency I have a robofetish blog #it rarely updates bc there's just not that much interesting content to me

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energy-general · 4 years ago

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The Psychology of Successful Dog Bathing

"Can I wash my own large dog? It can't be that hard can it?" These are the words that I hear everyday as I go about my business working at the Pooch Parlor in Northern Idaho. Each time I walk a customer through this process, I find myself wondering why in the world something so simple is so doggone hard to explain. Washing your own dog may seem simple, but - only if you think and speak 'dog' - the language of your own dog.

Author DuAnn Lustig-Chambers has been grooming since 1997 and owns Pooch Parlor Pet Groomer Training Academy in Sandpoint, Idaho.

#dogs #pets #large dogs

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