#the power play of being like 'ive spent all the time i know you trying to save you

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

was thinking abt how my ideal doctor/yaz is when they love each other only sliiiightly more than they hate themselves, but then i was like, you know what might be better actually? if they dont love each other at all

i mean think about it. it's easy. they cant. they havent, like, build a life together. they never had to. love is a promise they didnt make

what passes for romantic feelings for companions in the doctor i think generally is idolisation. yaz has definitely been idolising. depending on your take the doctor might also have been the object of her first queer feelings ever. shes unattainable in like every way for yaz. theres no future to imagine here. there never was. i dont think either of them ever assumed there would be either. theyve had their eyes on the finish line since the beginning

so imagine a reunion. yaz and 14. every barrier now lifted. the doctor no longer lives a life of running from one place to the next; no more being with the doctor means neglecting home. hes suddenly emotionally available too. and they both know,,,Everything. they both know everything theyve never talked about. they reach the finish line and crash over it, into each other, no one had plans for this. a mess

so time to build, right? this is everything they wanted, right? except, is it? they only know each other in extremis. two adrenaline junkies in shared search of a fix. two people unable to stop running, forcibly grounded. yaz has five years of unspoken grievances to air. the doctor about five thousand of unspeakable memories. this is two peas in a powder keg

the doctor attaches in extremes, with abandon, yaz only cautiously, with reservation. neither of them know how to do friendship very well. theyve spent years afraid of losing each other, do you think theyre gonna be able to tolerate being apart now? even if being around each other is pressing every wrong button like a novice pilot or one who never read the manual, and inevitably leads to arguments they both know are years out of date but cant stop themselves from having anyway?

their coping mechanisms might have been malformed but now theyre taken away. dont you think theyre gonna come up with something to replace picking fights with daleks? we've got ptsd à deux and nowhere to go. if they cant be helpful at least they can keep busy. picking fights with each other. having sex with each other, because hey we got this newfound queer sexuality we should try it out, right? none of this is quite right but we're not gonna stop to think now, are we? 

should we talk about the gender thing? oh but youre a timelord, billions of years beyond this petty human obsession. but, youre not. so why not obsess a little. rather this than the other stuff. and yaz likes you as a woman. and rose gets all this trans stuff. keep weaving them in because if you stop they might just fall out. of your orbit, the world, the universe, the story. you'll never see them again and you'll be all alone. again. better keep tying knots

how long until they realise this is worse than it was? how long before they can admit it to themselves? how many people to suggest, to one or the other, that hey maybe you guys should spend some time apart? go on vacation, find a hobby, get a job, talk to other people, give yourself a break. how many people to get snapped and yelled at because what do they know? what does anyone know? nobody does, nobody gets it. ryan and graham left, dan came in too late. nobody else lived their days. nobody could possibly understand whats between them. including them

it's yaz who tries breaking up, of course. takes too long to get there, but she would get there. eventually. the doctor gets mean, all "glad to be home?", all tooth and nail and you cant leave me i leave you, all scoffs and snarls, "we're not together, yaz"

"sure, whatever you say"

but if people stop watching doctor who kills himself. the doctor doesnt say this, of course. but yaz is very proficient in all the ways the doctor does not say things

"yeah well, survived it last time, so"

she doesnt clarify who. doesnt need to. the game of chicken never ended, only changed shape. who falls first, who realises first, who admits first, who stays alive longest after the universe ends. and now, perhaps, whos gonna reach for desperate measures first

place your bets

[mazikeenhyde]

Less than a minute...

(Ive decided to be brave, I always wanted to try my hand at writing fan fiction so here we go! If i got anything wrong, like warnings for example please let me know so i can fix it! )

WARNING – 

A Poly!Judgment-Day fanfiction containing themes and mentions of DEPRESSION, LONLINESS, SOME SMUT, ANGST, SADNESS, ALCOHOL etc 

Overall, I’m just trying to make you all cry… 

READER X JUDGMENT DAY/POLY! – Rhea, Damien, Finn, Dominik x READER- Written in first person with Y/N (Reader Female)  

Italic font – flashback, speech or memories

Less than a minute 

The hotel room was quiet, the cheap TV fixed to the wall showing Monday night Raw on a low volume mixed in with the sounds of footsteps in the corridor, each sound filling the hot humid air. Outside the rain lashed down, heavy rainclouds hung low in the night sky blocking out the starlight, yet the full moon powered through, illuminating the streets, reflecting in the puddles that ran along the gutter line. 

 It was late, most of these anonymous guests rushing around just outside our door would be returning from busy work days to catch up on sleep or be heading out for a fun night on the town.  A blissful life for most, a chance to escape their homes and stay in a bed with room service, maids to clean up after you and a reception for any assistance required! I hated it though; it wasn’t my choice but when you are on the road traveling for what felt like 300 days of the year with your partners there isn’t much of an option. A different country every month, a different state every week, Christ a different town every night. I longed for those one-off days where we were all free to do nothing. Something many people take for granted is the ability to do nothing, and I missed it. 

Life felt far too chaotic, and despite being in a 5-way Polyamory relationship, I’d never felt so alone. I longed to go home, back to our own little house, we had been away for so long now. I could picture it, the front room shelves filled up high with my collection of books. My own little library I had spent a lifetime building now just collecting dust. The cabinets filled with Dominik’s board games that had bought about so many nights of endless laughter and equally some rather extreme arguments over winners, losers, cheaters and a half empty liquor cabinet that had been drained dry after a game of Scrabble. I still laugh now thinking back to when Rhea would demand the Alexa to define a word, we were sure Dominik had made up. Still, you could always rely on Finn to settle the score with a round of tequila shots and an accidental knock of the board. 

“Oh no!” Finn would laugh as he ‘accidently’ kicked the board off and onto the floor. 

“The board fell… guess we will have to play something else aye lass” he stated sarcastically, winking at me as he passed over one of the shot glasses. 

“I wouldn’t say No to a game of Twister” Damien suggested, raising his eyebrows as he took his shot and ran his fingers down my back. I swear that man would give me goosebumps from the top of my head to the center of my core with just a passing look and that fiendish glint in his eye! 

Rhea was quick to move herself over towards us resting her head in my lap, turning her view point to a more favored position. “I’ll second that” she smiled gently kissing the inner of my thigh, my breath was hitched, excited and on edge all at once. 

“Well I’m calling it!  I won..” Dominik stated with a huff as he began to pick the letter tiles up off the floor. Smirking over at him we each adorned a loveable gleam towards the boy. A little brat at the best and worst of times, but we wouldn’t have changed him for the world. 

Moving Rheas head onto Damien’s lap where the two of them began their own little make out session I crawled my way round to Dom, helping collect the remaining tiles off the floor and boxing his board game up. 

Smiling into his eye line I whispered ‘Never change who you are Dom Dom, We will always be here and we will always love you”

“What about when they break us up though?” he asked, I could hear the anxiety in his voice, his eyes. “I have to turn on Rhea and…and..” 

I held him close, his hands holding tightly to my back and I could hear his gentle muffled cries. 

“You’ll never be alone Dom, I love you so much. Even if I’m not always there to hold your hand, ill never be far away” I whispered in his ear. 

“Less than a minuite?” he smiled. 

-----

I couldn’t deny how much love I felt for each of them, work life had been tough for the four of them after the WWE had stated they would be splitting the group up to start a new storyline involving the likes of Liv Morgan, JD & Carlito. It didn’t stop the love we had for each other, but it certainly made traveling together difficult! I often reminded them that unlike myself none of them exactly blended into a crowd. 

Sitting in the middle of this king size bed I pulled my knees up to my chest, I had stolen Damien’s hoodie and a pair of rhea’s gym shorts in the hopes of being comfortable enough to focus while I studied my textbooks, but alas tonight my mind was elsewhere. I had been studying Law for some time, it had always been such a passion of mine and thankfully no matter where we slept I could bring my books and get my head down while my partners entertained the world. It also came in quite handy when certain members of the group had one too many drinks on a night out and needed some help in escaping the police without legal prosecution. Dominik can tell the world he did hard time in jail all he likes, but it was me that got the little brat released early after a dramatic night with Rhea at his parents’ house on thanksgiving. 

The WWE had offered me a position on their legal team once I had passed all my exams, yet that was over a year ago. I had deferred my exam date twice already, I wasn’t sure what was wrong with me but I didn’t feel the love, the passion or the joy I had done surrounding myself in plans for my future dream career, I was starting to worry I had wasted all these years for nothing.

Finn was always the voice of reason; he would often sit and help me revise while Rhea and Dom would shower together after the gym and Damien would take a nap. He was the voice of reason in the group, the glue that held us all together when things got tough. It was Finn that supported us all the most when our relationship went public, none of us had wanted to hide how we felt and the WWE were supportive, but that didn’t stop the online hate. The four of them were use to random strangers throwing insults due to the nature of their job, and thankfully I wasn’t of much interest to the fans. We had done our best to keep me away from the public eye, almost everyone just assumed I was part of the WWE teams supporting the group. There were a few fan speculation pages online who loved to play the guessing game but the majority saw me as nothing, as no one. 

Finn always knew when something was wrong, he hadn’t wanted to leave me this evening but I had persuaded them all to go on the promise when they returned we could order in and cuddle up to watch a new release on tv if we connected Damien’s laptop. 

“Chicken tenders! Ooh and nuggies?” Dom said, looking around the room in minor disbelief as we all looked at him with smiles. “What?” he asked. 

“Really Dom? Chicken tenders, I’d never have guessed that bro. There’s me thinking you’d want Sushi!” Damien stated sarcastically with a smirk as he zipped up his duffel bag. 

“Ew, raw fish? Bleugh! That’s gross!” Dom was genuinely disgusted at the idea. 

“Hey! Don’t knock Sushi you little squinnie! Just because the rest of us have some foodie culture, your mother should have had you expand your pallet better!” I replied as I walked over and flicked Dom on the head. He was quick to wrestle me up and onto his shoulder, spinning me round onto the bed where he climbed on to pin me down. 

“Uh Excuse me! I think you’ll find…Mami! has expanded my pallet just fine hermosa!” He stated, daring his lips closer to mine. 

“Oh I bet..” I whispered to him closing the gap between us, our lips aching to touch. “Your pallet has had its fair share of tasting sessions aye Dom Dom” 

Before he could respond Damien wrapped his arms around Dominik’s waste pulling him off me and planting him back down to earth, ruffling his hair upon release. 

“Alright you two, break it off!” Damien patted Dom on the chest as he tossed over his rucksack from the chair. I bought my chest up leaning back on my hands winking at Dom as he scowled at me with a mix of frustration and cheek. 

Rhea walked out from the bathroom with Finn following in tow, slapping Dom on the ass and wrapping her arm around his neck. 

“Behave yourself Dom Dom” Rhea said before looking over at me on the bed, “You too Bunny, Brats be warned there will always be consequences.” She laughed and pulled Dom towards the hotel door blowing me a kiss as the two of them headed out to work. Damien followed suit leaning down on the bed to kiss my forehead. 

“Te amo, Hermosa” he held the back of my neck touching foreheads before following Rhea and Dom. 

“Ill catch up with you three downstairs” Finn said and Damien gave him a thumbs up as he headed out the hotel room door and closed it behind them. 

Finn took a seat next to me on the bed as I sat up properly and moved to the edge, adorning one of those fake convincing smiles that had worked so many times before. 

“A night of studying then? We won’t be back too late I promise, you can pick the film tonight. I dread another of Rheas slasher films aye. We will be up all night watching the door” Finn said with a gentle nudge to my shoulder. I just nodded, unsure of how to respond. It was strange, I could hide myself in the love and laughter I felt for them all, the never ending flirting and sexual frustration that would build when we were in a room. But a reminder of the real world, of the real life we were living was enough to shatter my dreams back to reality. Every day was blending into one, the repetitive endeavors were tearing my soul apart. Tears began to fill the corners of my eyes as I was quick to stand and rub them away taking a sharp breath. I knew inside I was breaking, I was like a ticking time bomb and I needed to protect them all. Finn leapt up to his feet spin me around and face him.

“Y/N, listen to me lass, you know we all love you. No matter what, no matter how hard it all gets, whether you sit the exams and pass or fail.” Finn held his hands to my face cupping my cheeks. 

Finn had suspected something was wrong for a while, he and Rhea had sat down with me before to talk. They knew about my past, the scars I had whilst silver and faded now were a window into a past life I had battled for so long to break free from, always terrified it would find me again. I was like a rabbit in headlights when it all got to much, I would freeze in fear of my mind running away with my sanity. Hence the nickname Bunny. 

“I don’t know what is wrong with me..” My voice was fragile, broken. 

Finn held me in a close hug, his warm embrace relighting the fire inside my chest, a willing to keep going forward. The serenity was quickly broken by a car horn beeping outside followed by a text alert on Finns phone. 

BRAT NO.2  -

“Oi! Save some of her for the rest of us Finn >_< get your ass down here! We’re gonna be late!”  

Finn shook his head, “That boy tests my patience to its limit at the best of times, ive a good mind to put him over my knee’ 

I laughed wiping my eyes with my sleeves “Only if you let me watch” 

He smiled and held me close, “I can stay, if that’s what you need?” 

I shook my head and released him from the hug, “No. its okay, you go kick ass! I’m gonna jump in the shower and try to get in a quick nap before I crack on with those books, can’t defer the exam forever!” 

“We will be back before you know it” Finn said softly 

“Less than a minute?” I half smiled

“Less than a minute” He returned the all too familiar phrase. Finn kissed my forehead before getting his bag of the chair and reaching into his pocket to get his phone that had started to ring. He answered the call whilst slumping his bag over his shoulder and nodding his head goodbye to me before heading out the door. 

“Dominik, I am telling you now! I swear to god if you don’t…” Finns voice faded out as he continued down the hotel hallway, the door closing behind him. 

Taking a deep breath I shook off the heavy emotional cloak weighing me down and headed for the shower. 

4 HOURS LATER   - 

Looking around the rather large hotel room we had booked for the night I came to wonder; anyone would have thought we would have been used to this horrendous decor by now. No matter where we stayed every room felt much the same, whether it was the dismal wall art, low pressure shower heads or dull painted walls that felt like they were closing in. Though I knew the others were not fazed by it, they very rarely spent a lot of time in these rooms, aside from catching up on missed sleep or dancing the devils tango with any sparing energy the four of them would be in the gym or at the WWE training centers for live shows or TV. 

Sitting here I couldn’t steady my mind, I felt lost, lonely, empty even. It wasn’t their fault, they showered me in affection, I could want for nothing but more time with them. Yet it wasn’t that either, no amount of time in the arms of Rhea could fix the damage, she was the only woman I could love with the entirety of my heart, but as incredible as she was, even Rhea Bloody Ripley couldn’t fight off the demons inside me. 

The deeper I looked the more the world felt wrong. It all felt alien, uneasy, I wondered if it was just me, was I the problem? I checked the time, just after 10pm, they would be back soon enough, why did that bring about such panic, an anxiety drowning my heart, my breathe hitched and I felt it. You just know don’t you, it could have been years, weeks, days, hours or minutes that you had been fighting the voices in your head, the devil on your shoulder, but I was so lost in it all I just wanted to be alone. 

Slipping  off the bed I pulled on my socks and trainers and headed for the door. Pausing in the doorway I felt my heart sink a little, maybe this was it, maybe I wasn’t what I had promised I would be. 

A single tear fell down my cheek as I closed the hotel room door behind me, leaving my phone and keys on the nightstand. I needed to break free, only time would tell how long for, but I needed to feel. I needed to escape the War inside my head and the only way I knew how to do that, was to run. 

1 HOUR LATER   - 

Rhea and Dom walked through the carpark with his arm wrapped around her waist as they headed towards the rental car. It had been a hard night for them and all they wanted was to climb into bed with their girl and sleep. Damien followed just behind the both of them carrying the groups bags. Finn bringing up the rear of the group was locked into his phone, his face filled with concern for their girl who hadn’t responded to a single text all evening. They had received a message from the WWE management team that they could leave early to limit fan interaction ahead of SummerSlam. 

Climbing into the rental car Dom, Rhea and Damien waited for Finn. 

“Maybe she fell asleep studying?” Dom asked as Finn sat in the back passenger seat. 

Rhea had her phone up to her ear listening to a never ending ringing on the other end, Voicemail again. “Bunny? please call me back.” She ended the call and looked up to Damien in the drives seat. 

“Priest, Floor it!” 

--------

Reaching the hotel all four of them raced from the car inside, adrenaline fed through them as they reached the hotel room. 

Hands shaking Rhea swiped the card multiple times before holding it still long enough to enter. The realization. The Silence. It was deafening.

Damien rushed in to check the bathroom as Finn scrambled around the room with Dom, looking for something, for someone they knew wasn’t there. Rhea stood frozen in the doorway, in silence, her eyes locked in. 

“Rhea?” Dom hastily rushed over, hand on her shoulder as he turned to her eye line. There it was, on the bedside table. 

Finn edged his way over to the bedside as Damien came back into the room. Hands shaking nervously Finn reached down and picked up Y/N phone and hotel keycard. 

They all shared a look between each other, a look of fear and confusion. What were they meant to do now? Where did Y/N go? 

“I shouldn’t of left her…” Finn held the phone tightly pacing the same two steps over. “I could see it, I saw it, I shouldn’t of left her…” Finn repeated again. 

“Finn?” Dom hesitantly questioned his actions. 

Rheas demeanor quickly turned and she slammed her hand against the doorframe and rushed out followed by Finn and Damien desperate to find their girl. 

“Dom stay here! In case she comes back!” Damien yelled, he paused in the hall before rushing back to the room and holding Dominick’s face in his hands. “We will find her, I promise, we will all be back before you know it” Damien kissed his forehead before turning and running back out the door. 

Dom was frozen on the spot, he couldn’t move, he looked around the room at abandoned study books, half unpacked suitcases and clothing discarded on the floor. He felt smaller than ever before, his heartbeat felt cold, his chest filled with butterflies and his hands cold to touch. 

Walking over to the window that stood from floor to ceiling he held his hand to his chest tearing up at the rain lashing down outside . “Less than a minute?” 

[slashmagpie]

Blood & Snow

Pt. I

Directory: {Pt. II} {Pt. III} {Pt. IV} {Pt. V} {Pt. VI} {Pt. VII} {AO3}

Welcome to my @hermithorrorweek fic! I spent a while trying to figure out seven different fic concepts based on the prompt, and kept coming up blank, up until I decided to combine them all and write a single fic, with each prompt being the theme for a different chapter. Blood & Snow is the result, and at the time of posting it is not quite complete, but I'm excited to share it with you nonetheless. I'm hoping to post a chapter once per day, but later chapters may be delayed depending on how long it takes me to get them written. Some of this builds off concepts I played with in some of my earlier Decked Out 2 ficlets, which you can find in my writing tag. TWs for this chapter include: non-consensual body modification*, unreality*, panic attacks

I. GAME MECHANICS

Game design is simple, really.

Well, no, it’s difficult—but the principles behind it are simple. Make it fun. Make it challenging. Make it rewarding. 

Decked Out 2 is a game.

To be more precise, it’s a long-running, deck-building, dungeon-crawling game. It’s competitive. It has rewards—bragging rights, for one. Trophies, for another. If you win, you can get crowns, and buy things to make you more powerful, to make the game more fun. You get frost embers, which are used to build the deck, and—

Clank is Decked Out’s central mechanic. Trigger a shrieker, generate clank. Easy as that. Taking your artefact will also generate clank, because it angers the spirits of the dungeon. That’s another important thing about game design: atmosphere. Design. Having something that feels cohesive. So—no, max clank isn’t quite as dangerous as it should be, but very few mobs would work to replace the vex, because, well, they’re not the spirits of the dungeon, and—

Hazard is generated every thirty-seven seconds, roughly. It used to be thirty, but that lined up with card draws, and the sound cues were hard to keep track of. So. Hazard is generated every thirty-seven seconds, roughly. Hazard makes the dungeon more dangerous to traverse, by closing doors, raising pathways, and otherwise making certain routes more dangerous or downright impossible to cross. People underestimate hazard at first, but quickly find out that hazard kills. When clank maxes out, that turns into hazard too, because max clank wasn’t dangerous enough by itself, because the vexes aren’t doing their damn jobs—

There were two older systems that got replaced. Not a lot of people know that. Focus could be built up, would synergise with other cards, but it was just—it wasn’t working. It got reworked. No one would miss it. Delve was a difficulty setting, but it was dumb, just press a button to choose your difficulty, that works way better, and—

Game design is simple, really. 

Decked Out is not a game.

Had it ever been a game? In its first iteration, back in season seven, had it hungered the way it does now? Had it slept, slumbering beneath the earth, soaking in blood that would slowly, slowly bring it to life? When the idea had wormed its way into Tango’s head, a sequel—had that been his own thought? Does it matter if it was?

He’d certainly thought it was. Began drafting up plans, re-evaluating what he’d done in the past and putting better spins on them. Decked Out 2 would be huge, would be the biggest project he’d ever worked on, but it wouldn’t take that long. Surely.

…Thirteen months later, Decked Out 2 opened its doors.

Thirteen months. It had started as a hole, as many things do. A hole, a build, a plan, a citadel—Tango had thrown himself into it like he would with any huge project. And at first it had been—it had been a project. A build, a game. A giant hole filled with promise. A castle built in a week. Just Hermitcraft things. The usual.

When had it started? When he’d dug, and dug, for hours and hours upon end? When he’d carved jagged-looking scars into the landscape and dragged the citadel up from them? When he’d started building level one? When he’d begun assembling the redstone? When the ravagers and wardens began to roam its halls? When did Decked Out come alive?

…Had it always been alive?

Okay, better question: when did—

A frozen shard is placed into the barrel. The door lights up, sounds play. The door opens. The hermit—Joe?—begins to take off their armour and items and set up the game. A difficulty button is pressed. A shulker is placed into its slot. The cards begin to filter through the system. A minecart ride, and a pressure plate—

Decked Out turns on.

The Dungeon watches carefully, hungrily. A shrieker triggers. A hazard door closes. The game is running, the game is alive, the game is always alive—

The Dungeon Master floats, untethered, bodiless, watching, speaking, unheard, unseen. His body stands in the dark, empty, eyes sightless and lungs unbreathing. Why would he need to breathe? Dungeons don’t need to breathe, after all. Games don’t need to breathe. And Decked Out isn’t a game, not really, but it still works on principles of game design, and none of those principles require the game to breathe.

So the Dungeon watches, and the Dungeon Master watches, and Joe runs straight into the blood-stained horns of a ravager, and—

And—

Tango tries to blink. To breathe. A hazard door slams open and closed. The wires are crossed, that’s not—he needs to go—an attempt to step forward dispenses a stack of frost embers into the dungeon. They’re not supposed to do that. That’s a bug, he needs to fix—

He needs his hands—

Stone walls aren’t fingers, but they flex all the same, groaning under the strain—

There’s an itching in his legs. Skulk creeps up the walls. This wasn’t supposed to happen. This isn’t—

It’s dark. A warden sniffs. A shrieker howls. Stone becomes sinew becomes skulk becomes shadow becomes smoke becomes a soul. The Dungeon Master wrenches open his sightless eyes, and the Dungeon sees—

(Buildings aren’t meant to have panic attacks. Neither are dungeons. Nor games. But Decked Out is not a game, never really has been, and Tango—)

Joe and Hypno stare in bafflement at the flickering availability metre outside of the dungeon. “Tango, fix your game!” Hypno cries, and—

Ha.

Here’s a better question: when did Tango become Decked Out?

[trainingdummyrabbit]

oooooooobhhhh...... would it be alright if you talked abt ur ocs......... if it's not a bother.......

stands here like some sort of beast . this took me two days. im so sorry. inhales

i can absolutely talk abt my ocs yeah :D never ever a bother!!

this is rose and wolfe! theyre two of my lobcorp ocs whom i love very dearly :] they (and the rest of their group) have their own lil story going on, but i say that very loosely bc im just having fun honestly ^_^ and they sure do love making decisions that make that Rather Difficult For Me. but alas, anyhow,

this is inevitably going to get Pretty Fucking Long! (post-post edit. ~35 paragraphs.) so if youre prepared for that. 👍 yippy!! anyway hope you like fucked up little lesbians bc here we go

im probably going to be retreading ground here a bit bc im gonna try and take it from the top, but also because i dont remember what ive said and what i havent so ill just say whatever i remember ^_^

the basic gist of th storyline is that its kind of a pseudo-murdermystery but instead of dying u get turned into some sort of beastie ! ^_^ aka 'nobody knows what the distortion phenomenon is yet and are kinda too busy freaking out about it to notice headquarters exploded last week'. dont worry about that.

slaps notes on the table. this is gonna be really messy and maybe kinda incomprehensible but its ok bc this is just how its going to be. hope this helps.

OK LISTEN. they started out as one thing and then slowly kinda turned into something else and theyve been haunting me for months but they make talking about them Literally Impossible because of how much they just. fucking cling to each other, narratively. its impossible. they make everything so fucking difficult.

wolfe is some offshoot of a take on those Edgy Playground Wolf Ocs that you see a lot in middle school-- or well, thats the root of it. she was always going to be played fully seriously, but everyone was kinda written more silly-like towards the beginning anyhow. yknow, one of those 'orphan lab experiment who pretty much had to take care of themself and really hates people, with Cool Mysterious Powers theyre really conflicted about' type characters. and honestly a lot of that still sticks, really.

she presents herself in a kind of over-the-top way to try and get people to take her seriously and leave her alone, but honestly its just kind of . offputting.. in a way, shes kind of a stand-in for what its like to be a teenager (neurodivergence notwithstanding). sometimes the only thing you can do to get people to listen to you is to make a scene and yell really loud! and everyone will always discredit it as just something that happens while growing up, being "disobedient" because you want attention or want to be rebellious and contrary, but everything you feel IS real and it DOES hurt and nobody BELIEVES you so all you can do is yell LOUDER. its all theyll respond to. (and all it does is make people double down on what they think of you.)

wolfe is a character that is honestly kind of genuinely a bit extra, a little bit embarrassing, but very genuine. a lot of her life was spent not being able to decide what happened to her physically; just kinda pulled and prodded around whether she liked it or not; (again, the whole orphan lab experiment thing was never a lie.) and thrashing around is really all she can do about it. be inconvenient, irritating, hard to deal with; any small victory, any little foothold would do. unfortunately, most of what that's ever done is make things harder for herself. (she hates being expected to be something convenient to others, yet in her attempts to cast it away, forms her worldview to the dichotomy they set up around her. curious !)

so you have this fucked up lil thing and drop her into an lcorp facility. great superb fantastic. n then you give her some ego gear and it messes her up Big Time because guess what, her body is all sorts of fucked up and is Not reacting well with this whole thing, causing it to quite literally Stick and all those 'mild' side effects are now 'major' side effects and everyones Fussing over you again because youre an Anomaly and you Dont get any rest and youre still getting used to a body and mind that isnt Quite what it was before and you Cant leave since they need to figure out whats going on here and Oh God Fucking Damn It Its Again.

so its pretty fair that shes being Like That about the whole thing all things considered.

at this point shes just trying to make it through day by day without someone prodding her about something or another, just stop Staring at her already, fuck off. just one foot in front of the other and try not to think about it too hard. thumbsup 👍 more often than not she works alone; not just because of her own decisions, but also did you know cobalt scar gets a boost on low hp for the exchange of activating friendly fire? pretty crazy. shes kinda reckless and bound to get herself hurt anyway, so it doesnt really Change anything to just kinda.. send her out there without backup. not like she works well with others anyway, right? itd be pretty dangerous to pair her up with someone n all. yknow.

it kinda sucks, yknow? at this point shes so fucking tired of The Everything that honestly she just wants to get in and get out as quickly as possible without having to deal with any nonsense. shes still really pissed off about the entire Situation, still trying to keep any small bit of autonomy she gets to have, but like. well. sometimes it really is easier to just Do Your Job And Leave. finish your tasks and not think about it and not bother with anyone and fuck off until you have to do it again. thats how it always wouldve been anyway, right? easy. annoying. so, so annoying. god she fucking hates it here.

so anyway, rose. she sucks. she doesnt, but i have to say it every time i talk about her Or Else. shes the reason i have such a hard time talking about The Everything. and also why i had to rewrite this and take Two Days getting to it. she is just. So Much. shes an idiot. shes too smart for her own good. she would fit right in as a YA novel protagonist. this is all stalling on trying to explain what the hell is wrong with her.

honestly on a surface level shes pretty chill all things considered. mostly stays in her lane, gets along with people pretty easily, just kinda goes here, pretty good at small talk. she loves listening to people. she Loves listening to people. the problem. she isnt lying, per se, about her entire Presentation and general manner of being, but she isnt really honest either. shes disingenuous. kind of.

rose as a character is Very aware of how people act, and why they choose what they do in what situations. as such, she has gotten very good at Acting A Part rather than actually Living It. she loves listening to people because she wants to know who they are. not in a "i want to get to know my coworkers ^_^" type of way but in a "writing down all your character traits and quirks to record your habits" type of way. a weird sort of genre-awareness. she is very Very easily able to track exactly what type of person someone is and adjust the way she acts around them to... any sort of effect she wants to, honestly. mostly its just quelling dumb spats and getting people to stop being stupid like people tend to do, but every so often she isnt exactly averse to just kinda... messing with people. only a little! but she Could, if she Wanted to. which she doesnt. because shes nice.

rose sees interpersonal interaction as a complex 'game'. not by that name, but by that function. everyone always Expects something, in engaging with another, and all it really is at its core is getting what you want without giving too much ground. to figure out who the Other is without them figuring out who You are. its a competition. to understand what another person Is is what gives you the advantage. to know is to win, to be known is to lose. keep your cards as close to your chest as you can, and they cant control you. easy. its something everyone Does, but only a few acknowledge. she was just good enough to learn.

but like, admittedly, shes very chill. shes literally nice? like yeah all that but she is literally nice. shes fine. shes like... fine? shes all right. like Yeah it sounds bad when you put it like that but she is literally nice.

rose plays a lot with the idea of Symbol. shes a fully realized person, yeah, but she was never Expected to be. she exists mostly as a formality, and she knows thats all that was really expected of her. she was there to Fulfill An Ideal and little else; so she reaches for what she can when she can. be Sweet and Simple and Pretty-- that's all. and she isnt, she knows this, but it sure does make things simple when thats all people know of you. (impossible for people to dig for information people dont think exists.)

a flower in a broken vase unsure if its defined by the petals or the holes. shes someone intrinsically frustrated by the rules that define her, but is unable to comprehend a self without it. clinging to it because its the sole point of control she feels she can Have over things, but wishing to cast it aside to self realize and prove that shes worth the time of day to acknowledge. (she doesnt care what her caretakers thought of her, but still she defines her actions based on their idea of her. curious !)

so you have these two in the general vicinity of one another right.

rose initially interacts with wolfe as almost a game. a test, even. just to see if she could get anything out of the weird one that sulks in a corner by themself, refusing to interact with anyone. shes just curious, yknow? and wolfe, obviously, takes this about as well as you think she would. dont you have better things to do?? stop asking about my fucking hobbies. ..rose could always count on her for a reaction.

wolfe was very, Very resistant to playing along much at all. she thought that giving just simple brush-off responses would get her to get the hint that it wasnt worth bothering, but then rose would come back with more questions building off of whatever they'd talked about, just... idly talking at her. a frequent annoyance turning into just. consistent background noise. yeah this might as well be happening. but even still, the amount of things that rose remembered and considered and genuinely seemed to listen to kind of caught her off guard. it was... weird. it was really really weird.

it wasnt really all that hard to read what wolfe was feeling at any given moment. it was kind of funny, honestly, especially with how she tended to present herself. (honestly, how did everyone else just Miss all of this?) but after some time, rose was surprised to find that she started to just... speak to her frankly. it was stark, only every so often, almost as if she didnt realize the shift in her own tone. its around then that rose started piecing things together herself and... oh. ohh. (how did everyone just miss all of this?)

Bad News Motherfuckers! Its Fucking Over For Both Of You! wolfe finds someone who is genuinely willing to listen to her on the sole drive of simply Understanding Her, rather than wanting something in exchange, wanting something From her; and rose. god. she finds a reflection of exactly what she wishes she couldve been, things she couldve done, were she not shaped into what she Is. an understanding of something she'd never acknowledged, never knew was there, but was there with her the entire time. someone with a clear understanding of what they are, willing to fight tooth and nail to keep it, regardless of what anyone or anything else tries to do with them. things that the narrative constantly tries to take from them; things that rose wants so desperately to let wolfe keep.

so yknow, girl things. THIS is where things get really annoying.

rose seemed to enjoy messing with wolfe just for fun, but honestly shes just kinda taken by her honesty. she doesnt ever seem to have any ulterior motives when shes around her, she just… is. and does. because she wants to. rose honestly isnt really sure how to handle someone who isnt just… mildly bluffing at all times, especially about connection. that level of vulnerability is scary to her. so she teases her. she expects her being flustered-- and she is-- but still, she finds herself caught off guard by wolfe's earnestness.

even so, rose catches herself being far more open than she intends to be-- accidentally, at first, against her better judgement, but then tentatively, almost as if to test the waters. just how much could she show of herself and still uphold that trust? how many red flags can she put up before wolfe notices? no, that was unfair. before it becomes unforgivable. before it recontextualizes her. she cares, yes, genuinely and deeply so. (but what does that mean, coming from her?) she wants wolfe to be safe. (im asking you to leave.)

wolfe and rose both trust each other to a degree that they dont trust many others. its the passive understanding that theyre very much alike, and the even more silent knowledge that they want better for each other; in a roundabout way of knowing that they themselves deserved better, no matter how much they insist otherwise.

theyre very genuine with each other in a way that kind of surprises themselves. neither of them quite know what theyre doing, nor do they want to put a name to something so fleeting, but… its there.

wolfe desperately wants to be closer to rose, but hates that she desires that vulnerability. (it was always rather dangerous, showing your hand like that.) its an annoying fondness, constantly prickling at the back of her head any time rose is even remotely relevant. even when she isnt. shes kind of haunted. shes very defensive of her in a way she honestly doesnt realize until someone points it out. it just comes naturally to her. (whats the difference between a guard dog and an attack dog again..? (is she really ready to deal with the implications of this? is this not just having another will enacted on you? how does she really feel about that?))

rose, meanwhile, is… actually also conflicted. she likes wolfe. this is obvious. it wasnt intended, and she can roll with it, but it's… complicated. she handles it a lot more analytically. she notices when wolfe takes a step forward, and matches it in turn. equivalent exchange, and all. show that youve noticed, that you care, that youre paying attention. (i think she may be afraid. despite her presentation, she's afraid.)

she acknowledges the feeling of desire in this bond-- she wants wolfe to be able to live outside of others' influence. desperately. (if she cant, then…) she refuses to acknowledge what this says of Herself, though. but most importantly, she knows how easy it would be to simply take the role of someone who controls her. (isnt that just what she's always done to others?) she hates the idea of becoming that. (it would be so easy.) goes out of her way to avoid influencing her in that way-- but somehow, this just makes her more distant. hesitant to touch.

and with that fear, she tends to react, again, logically. tries to solve it like a puzzle, like she always has. finds the shortest distance to a perceived goal. this makes her rather distant, disconnected-- shes trying to control her own feelings by controlling what is around it.

what this means, most importantly, is that she is unable to trust wolfe the way She trusts her. she isnt strong enough to push back against what she sees of herself, or that which she uses to protect herself. giving in to those well-walked patterns instead of being able to brave uncertainty in something that new. she hides herself because she isnt sure what will become of her-- and is too afraid to risk what may come of losing the person she suddenly deeply cares about. setting herself up to crash harder should the worst happen. because she would simply blame herself. proving herself right.

meanwhile wolfe is dealing with Actually Trusting Someone for the first time in longer than she can remember, whether she likes it or not. maybe she was being stupid. maybe this was just a foolish foray into trusting people like she’d always told herself not to do. but… but. rose just brought this sense of comfort wherever she went, this feeling of certainty.

it was never good to let your guard down, but… but just this once, she so badly wanted to. once you let these things go, it becomes harder to get them back. she knew this. and yet, all the parts of her that protested were overruled by a deep desire to simply lie down and fall asleep in that comforting feeling. how frustrating. how annoying. how dangerous. now she had someone she could not argue against. and yet, she held this advantage as if she did not know it was one she wielded, a dangerous thing held without intent. was this trust? …did she want it to be?

and so, foolishly perhaps, she decided to trust. it was a tenuous thing, unbeknownst to anyone but herself. …probably. rose did have a way of seeing right through people. but even through all that, through the Everything… it felt nice to have someone to look out for. someone to worry about, someone on your mind when there used to be nobody else but you. she’d spent so long worrying about the repercussions of leaving your back to someone, yet she’d never known the comfort of having someone do the same to you. she’d never realized how hard it was to do much of anything with fangs bared the entire way. the ache of worry was dull compared to the weight of silence. (she would give her Everything to her. all or nothing, with her. maybe this was simply part of the inevitable problem.)

hey remember the whole turning-into-creatures thing? yeah thats still happening. crazy right? anyway. The Problem.

so you have people turning into things not quite unlike abnormalities, expressions of deep fears and desires running away with what used to be a human. and youve got some fucked up little guy with a Lot of barely repressed issues thats deceptively easy to mess with and actively averse to anybody really reaching out to them whatsoever.

and then rose is trying her best to figure out whats causing all this bullshit going on, but also her . coworker. is suddenly acting Really snappy and distant and its kinda starting to make her worried and she doesnt want to push her but shes looking really rough lately and fuck. wait. god. wait. shit.

long inhale. so you have two stupid motherfuckers 100% willing to drop everything and kill everyone in this facility and then themselves if anything so much as happens to the other (but theyre super normal about it, its fine, the other doesnt have to know.) theyre so good at this interpersonal interaction thing guys they swear (dont look too close though ok haha.) theyre sooo unknowable guys theyre really pulling a fast one on everyone here. they Definitely know what to do to fix the problem forever its fine they totally get it. dont stop them.

anyway heres a bunch of images for no reason

[knightzp]

omg can I hear about your ocs im curious

!!!!! yes of course!!

(im warning you this is gonna be Long bc i cant summarize things aldksk)

okay so first theres zayu. shes actually my dnd character and basically her whole story can be summarized in: shes a demon too good and pure for this world. she is such a lovely person an absolute sweetheart who is always very kind and whose mission in life is just having a humble life trying to help others in need as much as she can. but yeah you read it right. she Is a demon so the people from her homeplace didnt like her personality at all and they ended up kicking her out from hell. however some people thought that was a weak punishment and are now after her to make her pay for her "crimes" (the crime in question being a too good person yeah) so zayu is now travelling around around the world enjoying her life as she had never been able to do before and always moving from place to place to avoid the other demons that are chasing her. also this isnt really relevant to her story but i have to say she is very ourple (light purple skin and dark purple hair 💜)

the other characters i mentioned on that post are from an original story i began writing quite a few years ago and that i never finished..... i havent touched it in soooo long but its the only one og story ive started that i really want to finish some day. it takes place in a medieval royalty fantasy setting where theres a continent with many kingdoms. the main characters are from two of these kingdoms which have quite a close relationship

one of the kingdoms has 3 princes: auron (oldest), crysta (middle) and davel (youngest). given their birth order, auron is the heir of the kingdom so was taught mainly politics and necessary knowledge to rule the kingdom as the next king. crysta was raised to be a leader in the army forces so she is now the captain of the royal knights. and davel being the third child and since his siblings already learnt the main disciplines he was taught how to use magic, which is an ancient power that is quickly disappearing nowadays so there arent many people who can cast magic in this universe

on the other kingdom we have a pair of twins: alrick and lavianna (also shortened as lav or lavi) as the prince and princess. alrick was born first so he has always spent most of his time studying and preparing to be the next king while lavianna has had an easier and less busy life in this aspect

as i said both kingdoms have a very close relationship so both families meet up a lot. davel and lav have been best friends since their early childhood and being both the youngest from their families they had a lot of time to play and spend together. both are easygoing and they have the same age and kinda similar personalities (davel is charismatic and adventurous but also lazy when it comes to his studies and lavi is cheerful active and innovative) so they get along very very well. so well that their parents got the wrong idea and used their good relationship to engage them together in an arranged marriage against their will wanting to strengthen even more the alliance between their kingdoms. none of them like each other romantically but even if theyre shocked at first they let things be bc they arrive to the conclusion they prefer to be married to their best friend than have their parents arrange another marriage with an stranger instead

however! there is someone who isnt quite happy with this announcement and thats alrick. he hasnt had as much time to spend with davel in his life as his sister and he is also much more reserved as a person than her but truth is he is jealous. jealous of davel for all the freedom he has (contrary to him who has many responsibilities) and jealous of lavi for being able to spend so much time with davel and for being now engaged with him. bc alrick has a huge crush in davel but no one knows, not davel (who is very dense to these things (actually arospec coded)) nor lavianna (she is a bit suspicious but doesnt know anything for sure)

as for crysta she has a really close relationship with her brother davel and loves to tease him a lot but she isnt that much close with the others. she is a really cool butch lesbian knight who really worries a lot abt her people and has a soft spot for davel and will do anything to help him in any situation

auron isnt very relevant to the story but well. he is already married and just had a child too and is like the perfect prince son soon to be king

and now to end im gonna just to tell you a bit abt the plot. the thing is that one night alrick wakes up and discovers that everyone in his castle has been petrified. the castle workers his parents even lavianna. all of them except for him. so he does the only thing he can think of and rushes to the neightbour kingdom to ask for help. there, davel crysta and their family talk abt what happened and thought abt a way to reverse what seems to be a magical spell that has petrified the people in the castle and the three of them part on a journey to find more answers and a way to reverse the spell

and well thats more or less it!!!

[cipherexists]

Documenting a few other details that ive found in the way back machine SPG dig

The Spine was originally created with a spinal column made up of smokestacks similar to a locomotive, thus he was appropriately named The Spine. In 1955, the US government invested millions of dollars into upgrading The Spine. Therein he received a brand new titanium alloy spine, and a multitude of highly classified weapons.

yeah, highly classified weapons?? what???

Eventually David entered high school. He was working towards his A+ Certification in computers and looking towards becoming an IT Technician. A sudden (but possibly long overdue) divorce between his parents turned David's life upside down during his Junior year. The divorce didn't go well between parents.

This is not included in Bunny's...despite them being twins... i love the 'sudden (but possibly long overdue) divorce'

David met Jerry Hager for the first time when he took his Beginning Acting class at the college. David knew of Jerry's "miming" down at Seaport Village and even visited his professor a few times while he was performing. It wasn't until his [Sister] [Bunny] took Jerry's mime class, and recommend that he take it with [her] again the following year, that David was introduced to the beauty of the art of mime and movement.

Yes you heard the man, The Jon, The Rabbit, The Spine and Upgrade only went through Three (3) mime classes before their first appearances in balboa park. And none more. (see; Steam Powered Giraffe started at the beginning of the second time David took Jerry's mime class.)

More P.A. Walter VI blog shinanigans

*List of images including but not limited to: Giraffes, toothles (HTTYD), fantasy games and GG <3*

wtf dude, 'Eggs of spider infancy within this meek little blog' ???

Back to the website...2014

Rabbit went on to fight against Becile's copper elephants in 1897, outfitted with a prototype blue matter laser lens array, a Gatling Gun attachment, and a collapsible buzz saw. Rabbit's combat history also spans WWI, WWII, and the Vietnam war.

btw they are still canonically fitted with these weapons, they just wont use them...

Hatchworth time >:)

After getting over that pesky omg-I'm-so-nervous-I'm-going-to-poop-out-all-my-guts feeling, he did ok in theater club. Soon there after, he decided anyone can play guitar, so he did

^^ Sam luke on performing <3

For a while after that, they drifted apart (which tends to happen to friends of Sam).

that is so sad, wth

Approximately junior year a tall, gangly fellow (by the name of David) joined the drama club and introduced himself as such. Sam spent many'a afternoon trying to discern the Bennett twins (one wears black and one wears dragons). The only way Sam chooses to explain the early days of "Hangin' With the Bennetts" is as follows:

"it was like being a supporting character on some weird sitcom within a sitcom."

Sam Luke on meeting the Bennet twins :')

Fast forward a bit and it turns out the Bennetts only got weirder with time. They were robots now and apparently they needed a drummer.

That sounds about right..

Somehow I also became a robot apparently.

Do we know how that happened...yes, will i explain that...not yet

When Peter Walter I began constructing an army of robots, he used whatever source of metal he could find. So it wasn't surprising when his own cast iron stove served as the base for a bronze-laden robot.

...that explains the insanity, i too would keep spaghetti in my pocket if i was made of a stove

upon examination Peter Walter II discovered a hairline fracture had been developing for years in the robot's power core. Hatchworth had been leaking a troublesome amount of concentrated blue matter energy[...]Mustache and all, the Walter boys locked Hatchworth in a lead vault deep within Walter Manor until they could find a solution. But months pouring over his original schematics proved fruitless for the boys and soon months turned into years...and then turned into decades.

Thats how hatchworth came about.... yeah no definitely would be insane at that point.

[darsynia]

Trust Fall | Ch 14b

ARC image by Eury Escodero

Story Masterlist | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Summary: Tony/OC, ‘terrorists made us fall in love;’ IM1 timeline. In this chapter, Tony gets home and starts his campaign to find Emory, and Emory meets Nick Fury.

Length: 2,794

Tags (please don’t hesitate to ask!): @starryeyes2000 @raith-way @arrthurpendragon @starksbf @themaradaniels @chickensarentcheap @tiny-anne

Excerpt:

“Ready and waiting for your instructions, sir.”

“Good. First: Use any and all means, including illegal ones, to lock down the non-essential medical records of a Miss Emory Autumn for the next twenty-four hours. Be obvious. I want them to know it’s me.”

This is a gamble, because there’s a tiny chance she’s actually in some kind of a medical crisis and that’s why there’s been no word. After all, he has no legal right to know anything about her. Tony’s sure that she’s fine except for the abnormal test results which show evidence of her new abilities, however. They were rescued by US forces, and the US forces tested her blood, found out something interesting, and from that point, the woman he loves disappeared. He’s not going to take that lying down, and he wants whoever has her to know it.

“Shall I also inform your lawyer that you may be brought up for charges sometime before the end of the year?”

“If you like, honey buns,” Tony replies.

Chapter Fourteen: [weather redacted in report of unexplained incident in Afghanistan]

No one brings her dinner.

Honestly, that feels like a pathetic power play designed to force her to use her powers. The only thing Emory respects about the decision is that it seems like they actually do believe she won’t try to escape anytime soon, so this is the best they can come up with.

Two hours later, after she’d spent time running the most annoying scales she could think of, knowing that someone is required to listen to them, the lights shut off. Without a window, there’s no way to know whether it’s actually dark, but she’s been tired for hours anyway. The only things keeping her awake are the dual fears that she’ll dream of Tony and generate power in her sleep unless she’s fully exhausted, and the idea that they can manipulate her by exploiting her jet lag from the time difference. This isn’t a military base, she’s sure of it. She’s back in the States.

Pushing away thoughts of Tony is harder when she’s sleepy, but she does her best, and eventually drifts off.

Emory wakes up to a room darker than she’s been in for at least three months. It’s terrifying at first; the cave had always been lit, likely because the terrorists had needed to make sure they could always see the room, even though that hadn’t stopped the escape, in the long run. The good thing about the room being dark now is that it gives her confirmation that there is indeed a hidden window. Across from her bed there’s a ‘closed bedroom door, illuminated hallway’ effect along the whole wall, at the ceiling. The very darkness of the room makes this line of light obvious. It's exactly the sort of detail that is easy to miss. Who would bother checking the room at night, especially if you don’t tell the people modifying the room the reason for its modification?

As she lays in the bed and stares at the evidence of a hidden window in her room, Emory almost feels like she’s absorbed some of Tony’s and Yinsen’s situational intelligence. Again, she asks herself what Tony would do if he were in her place. The answer that comes to her is that he would seek to eliminate weaknesses and amplify strengths.

An obvious weakness is the IV, as is the surveillance. The three of them had never sought to block or destroy the cameras in the cave, because the consequences would have been too risky, with little to no reward. Here, Emory doubts she could reach them even if she could figure out where they were. Here, she’d spent a lot of her singing time changing positions on the bed so she could examine the walls for their location, but the drop ceiling has multiple stains and defects that could all be hiding cameras. In the dark, there are no discernible lights except for the red one over the door, and the green one at the badge scanner. She doesn’t know much about surveillance technology, but assumes that if Tony can build a suit that can do all the things he’d managed in Afghanistan, it’s likely that there are low-light/no-light surveillance cameras.

Then, it hits her. The IV is probably a test, by now, as they haven’t put anything in it in many hours. They’re probably waiting for her to pull it out herself, and noting how much time passes before she does so. If she takes it out now, and no one comes rushing in, that would reveal that her captors can’t see her (or aren’t watching at night, which is unlikely), wouldn’t it? She could kill two birds with one stone, although Emory’s always hated that particular phrase.

She wishes she had any light to go by, or extra tape, because it would be even better if she could pull out the IV and then tape it so it looked like it was still set up, but that’s not feasible. Slowly, carefully, Emory tugs off one pantleg and presses its inside-out hem against the place where the IV goes into her arm. She won’t be able to see if removing it gets really messy, but the scrubs she’s dressed in are dark navy blue, and the hem is a full inch, the fabric doubled. It’s as sneaky as she can be.

When she’s satisfied that her arm isn’t bleeding, Emory lets the tubing drop, puts her pants back on, and lays back in the bed, her heart pounding.

No one comes.

In her mind, she pictures Tony smiling at her. Emory rolls over with her back to the IV pole and gathers up the energy that simple thought has generated, tossing it up so that it ruffles her hair, just like the song she’d sung so many weeks before.

Stane offers to hold a second presser with some rudimentary information, mostly what Rhodey’s commanding officer has okayed about the rescue and Tony’s arm injury. Obie tells him he’ll even add something about Tony’s experience in captivity, how he’s concerned that by continuing Stark Industries’ current path, he’ll be doing what the terrorists wanted-- namely, making more weapons, the use of which will cause more strife in the region.

It’s an ingenious compromise, really. Obie’s powers of persuasion and spin have always been legendary, even if he has acted like a corporate father (with all the selfish, capitalist behavior that naturally entails) rather than a surrogate one, to Tony. He even persuades Tony that any disparity between their messages today about Stark Industries and weapons is just a hint that things are moving so fast that no one should panic yet.

Tony hands off his sling and jacket to a guy in finance who has the same hair and build as he does and sneaks into Happy’s car with Pepper.

The whole car is silent for the first five minutes, though Tony notes that Happy looks in the mirror to check on the two of them a lot, and Pepper’s facial expression seems frozen into deep concern.

“So none of my letters got through?” he asks, feigning confusion to break the ice.

“You mean you got to write--” Pepper starts to say in a squeaky voice, before she realizes and stops talking. Happy chuckles, up front. “That’s not nice. We were really worried, Tony.”

“Yeah, so was I,” he says, tipping his head back and sighing. “So who was the guy talking to you earlier? Looked like a government stiff?”

“Something like that, long department name, wanted to debrief you,” she says, shaking her head. “We’ve gotten a ton of requests from basically every agency.”

“Say yes if it’s Health and Human Services, have you seen the new undersecretary? I think half of the Senate voted yes just so they could get to see her in the news more often,” he teases. “Speaking of which, do you have my phone?” Tony tries to sound casual, but Pepper knows him, so she gives him a look. He wonders if she thinks he’s trying to make up for lost time or if he’s pretending to so he can con the phone out of her and start making changes at the company.

It’s neither. He wants to ask Rhodey about Emory. Tony can’t shake the feeling that the official who spoke to Pepper knows something about her. The phone he had in the Hum-Vee is gone, sure, but even his backups have backups.

“Did any of the other agencies send someone in person?” he asks her.

“No. I assume this guy is so junior that he didn’t get out of the personal visit. You know, haze the new guy by sending him to ask to speak to Tony Stark,” she says, offering him a sweet smile.

“Hmm.” Tony looks out the window to see where they are. Almost home. “He give you his number?”

“Don’t threaten him, okay? He was just doing his job.”

“What, me? Threaten?” Tony feigns utter shock, which is successful, because Pepper starts to laugh. “No, seriously. I get a sense that I ought to talk to at least one out of the multitude. He showed up in person, that takes guts. Gimme.”

Tony takes the way that Pepper allows herself to roll her eyes just a little when handing the business card over as a sign she’s starting to adjust to his return. As Happy pulls up into the driveway, Tony sees the two of them make eye contact in the rearview, and decides to be magnanimous.  

He waits till the car stops, and before Happy turns it off, he says, “Hey, so, it turns out I haven’t been alone in about three months, so how about the two of you go expense a fancy dinner to my account tonight, give me a little space?”

Before either of them respond, Tony opens the door and gets out awkwardly, hampered by the arm injury. As usual, the door unlocks as he walks up, because JARVIS is always watching. He considers going up and laying on his bed, but angles toward his basement workshop instead.

He almost gets emotional when he settles into his chair for the first time and sees the three monitors flicker to life.

“Welcome back, sir. It’s really good to see you home safe and sound.”

“Good to hear your voice, JARVIS,” Tony says. It really is. “Not sure about the ‘sound’ part, though.”

“Yes, well. That was always somewhat in doubt, wasn’t it?”

Tony breaks into a grin. “Damn straight.” He grabs the mouse, opens up a search engine, and starts typing. “All right, I have a few directives, all of which are top priority, house on fire stuff.”

“Ready and waiting for your instructions, sir.”

“Good. First: Use any and all means, including illegal ones, to lock down the non-essential medical records of a Miss Emory Autumn for the next twenty-four hours. Be obvious. I want them to know it’s me.”

This is a gamble, because there’s a tiny chance she’s actually in some kind of a medical crisis and that’s why there’s been no word. After all, he has no legal right to know anything about her. Tony’s sure that she’s fine except for the abnormal test results which show evidence of her new abilities, however. They were rescued by US forces, and the US forces tested her blood, found out something interesting, and from that point, the woman he loves disappeared. He’s not going to take that lying down, and he wants whoever has her to know it.

“Shall I also inform your lawyer that you may be brought up for charges sometime before the end of the year?”

“If you like, honey buns,” Tony replies.

“Very well.” 

He’s not going to pause for passive-aggressive reckoning from his artificial intelligence. “Second: I want a rolling notification on any and all instances of the name ‘Emory Autumn’ in all media, police band, and available military radio frequencies.”

“Acknowledged. You should also know, sir, that in your absence, you have been upgraded to the latest version of cellular phone. Your previous backup has been copied over. The device is in its box in the drawer on your left.”

“Thanks, J,” Tony says, not reaching for it yet. He’s got a search he’s about to hit enter on, but he needs to collect his thoughts first, because they’ll be scattered as soon as it populates. “Third: I need an intensive search on all airplane manifests, public and private, domestic and international, on the name ‘Emory Autumn’ for the last forty-eight hours. Use our codeword clearance to unlock the military manifests as well.”

“That will ALSO merit attention from the government, do you still wish to proceed?”

“Yes,” Tony says flatly, suppressing a smile. He loves it when JARVIS gets testy.

“Estimate thirty minutes for full access to military flights. I will send the rest of the results as they appear.”

“Thanks,” Tony says. He hits enter.

The three monitors display three different tabs’ worth of search results on the name Emory Autumn. The middle one shows images. It hurts to see Emory and not know where she is. He clicks on one of the images, a candid red carpet photo that is focused on Rory Fall but shows Emory in a modest but stunning gown standing beside her. She looks gorgeous; her friend beside her is wearing something more expensive and flashier, but she looks gaudy and overdressed in comparison. Even Rory’s hair looks dull next to Emory’s, Tony observes.

“Damn,” he says aloud, realizing. He’s pining for this woman, loading up pictures of her like some weird kind of stalker. What he should be doing is finding out where the fuck she is. Tony gestures, and the picture magnifies on the screen. He has to stop himself from reaching out to touch it.

“Ms. Autumn was the person taken alongside you after the ambush in Afghanistan?”

“Yes.” He doesn’t elaborate. He doesn’t want to know what words might spill out.

“She was listed on a military plane coming into New York yesterday, and an hour later on a flight from New York to Washington, D.C.”

He’d suspected that Emory had been flown out before he was, and this is the confirmation. “D.C.? She lives in California! Get me Rhodes on the phone. Now.”

Rhodey won’t appreciate the pressure, but Tony owes it to his friend to start there before going over his head. And he’s definitely going to go over Rhodey’s head. He’s going to raise hell until he finds out what the fuck is going on.

Emory’s been awake for an hour and a half and her stomach is growling when the light above the door flashes green and it opens. A man walks in. He’s wearing an eye patch and a trenchcoat, and Emory suddenly wishes she had never gone to Afghanistan.

She’s a fraud. A doormat. She can’t see herself being strong enough to stand up to this man, and she never should have pretended like she wanted to.

She’s terrified.

“You asked for the boss. Well, here I am,” the man says. His voice is authoritative and compelling. Emory wishes she could fall through a trapdoor on the floor. She can’t even risk thinking about Tony to make herself feel better, because that’s just what this man wants her to do. “I see you’ve removed your IV.”

“I see you’ve removed--” Emory starts to say, but before she can finish, her visitor holds up a hand.

“Careful.”

“I think you have me mixed up with someone else, someone a lot more brave and ten times more disrespectful,” Emory says, almost laughing. “I was going to say ‘my food privileges,’ for the record.”

“Ah,” the man says, frowning. “That has to do with a stunt your boyfriend pulled on us. He’s figured out how to lock down your medical records, including allergies.”

Emory feels a breeze ruffling her hair, knows its origins, but is nonetheless grateful for the unintentional confidence booster in the word ‘boyfriend.’ Tony’s sabotaging them, in her defense. She could walk on air!

She… actually could. Emory gathers up the excess energy and, carefully, without moving her hands as she ordinarily would, she starts to mentally picture unraveling the ball of energy into a ribbon and tossing it along the floor, hopefully to butt against the fake wall that covers the window and maybe dislodge it a little.

At the same time as she releases the burst of energy, Emory says, “You couldn’t feed me bread and water in the meantime? Or maybe a Dixie cup of water and a vending machine egg salad sandwich would be more situationally appropriate?”

The energetic ball of air strikes the wall with a thump at the same time she says ‘Dixie cup.’ To his credit, the man in the trenchcoat turns his head slowly to look behind him, and then turns back to fix her with a penetrating look.

“Did you do that?”

“If you mean, ‘did I build a fake wall to cover up the fact that the room has a window,’ no, sir, I did not,” Emory says. She’s grateful that she’s sitting in the bed with her hands in her lap, because she’s able to clench her hands tightly around the sheet covering her legs, hopefully without looking like she’s desperately holding onto her sanity.

“I see,” the man says, with gravitas she’ll never be able to accomplish. “Let me start over. My name is Nick Fury. You have information that I need to know. I have information that you need to know. I feel certain we can come to an understanding.”

“What’s in it for me?” she asks, once again channeling Tony.

“Those injections are killing you.”

Next chapter, Emory has a tense stand-off with SHIELD, during which she discovers her new-found confidence thanks to Tony's influence.

[cyborg-franky]

hey hey!! so. ive just spent the past like hour and a half searching for this one post u made in reply to someone asking you how to write marco and istg i saved it in my drafts but i cant find it and ive looked at ur blog trying to find it but i just cant orz so i was wondering if u know what month that ask came in or something? or if you would mind repeating what u said fhjdfsfkg ah i feel so awkward asking this. thank you in advance tho if u dont mind!!

Sorry this took me ages to reply to, it got lost a little.

I don't remember what I posted but I will do my best to remember.

The way I write Marco is he's very chill and laid back, easy going vacation uncle vibes. He can be a tease and a little shit, he's not the butt of jokes all the time but rather he likes to give as good as he gets also.

Nothing really makes him mad until.. it really does and then WOW watch out. He has a bad temper but it takes a very long time to get him there.

He's smary and confident but not an asshole about it. He likes to fluster people and tease them but he knows when to stop, he's the master at reading a room and sensing a vibe and plays to it.

Caring but won't baby someone. Likes to help and be there for people but also expects them to have a level of being able to look after themselves.

Not so much a workaholic as people think, he just works alot because I headcanon he doesn't sleep much do to the phoenix. I think where time isn't the same to him he can be a little spacey.

He's a little eccentric, not in a runs down the deck ass naked kinda way but a collects bar coasters and preens like a bird kinda way.

Thank you for coming to my Marco power point presentation.

I hope this helps!

[kyndaris]

Mother Knows Best

For someone that plays video games as much as I do, you begin to pick up on a lot of common themes and tropes that are often used in the medium. What took me by surprise was facing Lilith in not one but two games in such quick succession. It's not often that I face the exact same antagonist. After all, both were demonic entities seeking the destruction of the world. Both were referred to as 'Mother' throughout the in-game dialogue and banter. And both had a connection to the playable character.

But while Lilith in Diablo IV gave birth to the Nephalem, the progenitor to humanity in the world of Sanctuary, she could only connect to the playable character due to a ritual involving her blood petals. Lilith in Marvel's Midnight Suns has a much more direct connection to the playable character, known only as The Hunter, as their birth mother. The other major difference here is that in Diablo IV, Lilith is trying to rule over Sanctuary while in Midnight Suns, Lilith serves as the agent of Chthon, a slumbering Elder God hoping to destroy the Earth and recreate it in its image.

Coincidences aside, Marvel's Midnight Suns was a game that I picked up in December last year and was one of the many tactical role-playing games I'd intended to get through before reaching the meat of the 2023 gaming experience. Alas, travelling and being bombarded left, right and centre with lengthy games distracted me from it until about 8 months later.

And when I finally booted up the game on my PlayStation 5, I found myself asking why I was indulging Firaxis's attempt to recreate what they had with XCOM but with a Marvel skin. What immediately struck me were the character models that I felt were less than stellar. Nor was I that impressed by the voice acting.

True, it was not like the game studio were going to bring back the actors of the MCU films to reprise their roles for the superheroes (or use their likeness), but I wanted something more than the somewhat janky character models that we received. In fact, I almost put down the controller, unsure if I wanted to continue with the game.

But persevere I did.

With time, I grew accustomed to the character models and the voice acting. After all, the cast is pretty stack with the likes of Yuri Lowenthal (reprising his role as Spider-Man from the Marvel's Spider-Man games), Erica Lindbeck, Courtney Taylor, Josh Keaton, Laura Bailey, Steve Blum, Darin de Paul and Matthew Mercer to name but a few.

Once I managed to get over that initial hump in the road, I started to enjoy the time I spent hanging out with a few of Earth's Mightiest Heroes and their more supernatural compatriots, the Midnight Suns.

Like many Firaxis games, Midnight Suns is a tactical/ strategy game. One that would have been better, in my personal opinion, as a handheld game. However, given that the playable characters are heroes with a multitude of abilities, Firaxis mixed up the traditional tactical/ strategy gameplay with the use of cards to denote special abilities and skills.

Gone were percentages detailing whether or not my character would hit the enemy. Gone, too, were Overwatch abilities that would allow my characters to attack an enemy as they dashed across the screen. Instead, Firaxis introduced a card deck system which was drawn up to a maximum of six at the end of each turn. Cards could comprise of attack, skill or heroic abilities. Many of them also included a variety of status effects to buff or debuff both allies or enemies, bringing with it another layer of strategy as most of these ended within a round of combat.

But the most important ones were those that refunded cardplay like the 'Quick' effect. Other cards allowed you to draw additional cards and these were important especially if you didn't have a good hand. Redraw too, was a resource that could be expended to power up abilities or to replace unwanted cards.

While it sounds complicated in theory, the gameplay of Midnight Suns was simple. You played three cards each turn (occasionally four) and tried to defeat the enemy as quickly as possible.

What was important to note was that while you were limited in the number of cards that could be played each round, your heroes could also deal damage via the environment. Unfortunately, to perhaps balance the use of environmental attacks, such actions were gated behind another resource: heroism (which were also used for heroic cards).

This meant that players had to carefully consider which cards to use when and where to maximise the damage on enemy Hydra agents and Lilin creatures and reach objectives for each mission.

Firaxis, though, are not content to simply sit on their strategy/tactical gameplay. Like many of their other games, Midnight Suns also included base management. Simpler than their incursions into the XCOM universe, Midnight Suns allowed players to research particular upgrades that could give their heroes an edge for their next battle against the forces of evil.

More importantly, though, Midnight Suns also allowed for team bonding. And as someone that wants to be friends with everyone, I spent many hours trying to boost my friendship levels with each and every hero that was recruited to the cause of stopping the rise of Chthon by giving them gifts or hanging out with them in an activity that they liked.

Heck, I was even looking up a Steam guide to know which dialogue options that each character preferred.

What was most unfortunate, though, was that there was no way to romance any of the superheroes. Why did Blade and Carol Danvers have to get together when I wanted both of them to myself as The Hunter?

Admittedly, I did think the romance between Caretaker and Agatha Harkness was great. The Hunter and their two mums. Who could ask for more except for some more lesbian representation in media please. True, some might argue that it did have a 'bury your gays' trope since Agatha is dead, but she comes back as a ghost and seems to be fine chilling around in the library. Something that Caretaker doesn't really take issue with after the Grey Seneschal ritual that binds Agatha a bit more to the land of the living (though still in spirit form).

Beyond that, I liked being able to explore the Abbey grounds and uncovering the secrets of the past, along with discovering new chests that could present me with another cosmetic for either The Hunter or the other heroes in my roster.

Still, what didn't make sense was that although the Abbey had a Forge and CENTRAL ops, a training yard and pool to lounge by, it had no kitchen or bathrooms. Given that Robbie Reyes had installed a TV to watch movies and play video games on, WHY WERE BASIC AMENITIES MISSING?

The fact that there was no kitchen also made it confusing when an upgrade to The Hunter's bedroom left a plate of bread and fruit on their bedside table.

Why? What? How?

From a plot standpoint, I felt like much of the conflict came from poor communication skills between Hunter, Sara (Caretaker) and your mother, Lilith. If Lilith could have explained her plan better, maybe she and the Hunter would have stood beside each other from the start instead of fighting against each other.

Caretaker, too, needed to learn to trust the wards under her charge instead of holding grudges.

But without these factors, of course, there would be no central conflict. Which, in turn, wouldn't have brought all of America's Mightiest Heroes (with the occasional Transian witch and Russian mutant) along for the journey. It wouldn't have allowed me to simply chat with these characters and watch them grow. Nor would it present me with an intriguing plot to drive me ever onwards to the end.

And that's another thing that I take issue with. The fact that a majority of Marvel's heroes are Caucasian. True, we have Robbie Reyes's Ghostrider, Eric Brooks and Nico Minoru showing off minority representation but almost all of the other heroes are blue-eyed Caucasians!

And they're all American. Or, at the very least, live in America. With most of the missions revolving around New York and the American South-West with only the final act in the fictional European country of Transia.

Now, this isn't an issue with the game, of course, but rather the state of affairs when it comes to superheroes in general. Yes, I know that there are heroes and villains from all over the world but the vast majority of them are Americans. Which, in all honesty, is likely to stem from the fact that a vast majority of comic book writers are American. And consequently, they write from an America-centric viewpoint.

But I've noticed that in many of the games I play, America also serves as the be-all and end-all for settings as well. Take Horizon: Zero Dawn and its sequel Horizon: Forbidden West. Or even The Last of Us, Grand Theft Auto, Fallout, Days Gone, Saints Row and a myriad of other games.

In any case, Marvel's Might Suns was an interesting take on a mishmash of genres that worked well with its superhero aesthetic. While I feel like it might have been better if they could increase the cardplay usage or the damage the heroes dealt for certain (we are talking about superheroes here, not foot soldiers), I enjoyed trying to figure out how best to place my heroes to deal with the enemies before me so I could put an end to Lilith's plans.

Soon, I'll tackle Fire Emblem: Engage. I promise. Just a few short games and it's the long haul for me.

I swear it won't be for too much longer!

And then I can tackle all the other triple-A video games that released in 2023...

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

[TW: Manipulation, Bullying(?), Light Mentions of Physical Abuse, and possibly more, i genuinely dont know how to tw this sorry]

Hi, call me Shadow. Im looking for some advice on how to move on from the situation below, some reassurance, or atleast someone to listen to me without judgment. Sorry for any grammer/spelling mistakes

They're alot of parentheses, extra notes, and run on sentences so apologizes for length

About 6ish month ago, i cut off a very toxic friend. Said friend, lets call them A, would offen make fun of and tease everyone in our friend group 'to show love' and such. Which is fine, some people are okay with that but personally im not as ive dealt with many toxic friends who've hurt me by using that as a cover up.

A was an irl friend of three people in our group's server that was invited on really late, i was pretty guarded and afraid around them for awhile, both because of a new person and because i had a feeling some was off with them. I ignored it, thinking i was just being overprotective and overthinking things again. After a few months things settled and it seem they fit in almost perfectly, till suddenly their jokes started getting really targeted and mean.

They started targeted me and one of my partners, constantly making cruel 'jokes' about us, everything from "if you're on [name]/[name]'s team [insert bad thing] will happen to you" to jokes that were just insults played off as jokes. I tried multiple times to ask them to stop but they played the "its just a joke" everytime

It got the point they started holding my reactions over me, and even purposely making me upset to have something to use against me. The main incident i remember is them pretending to be mad at me while i was rambling and spent atleast 10mins pretending to type to make me anxious (they later admitted this to one of my friends who then told me), and when they finally sent their message which ended up being a joke related to what i was rambling, i in my moment of vulnerability due to rambling (rambling for me is like exposing my soul) and them scarring me, i accidentally admitted i was afraid i was gonna be yelled at

They then took to posting what i said in our quotes channel for everyone to see after i deleted my message. They refused to delete the message and even started deleting mine in response (they were a mod on our server), it took owner stepping in to fix this

A started using their mod powers to delete both of my partners' messages when they started speaking out against all three of our treatment. They also deleted our messages unrelated to that, making us look terrible in pass conversations.

When me i finally snapped and ledt the server, moving to another server hosted by a different friend that 90% of us were also one, they started messaging me for answers and to "apologize" aka blame me for what happened. They were nice and reasonable at first, but then they started pressuring me into in their words "cursing them out", which i unfortunately gave into.

A used it as an excuse to blame me for everything, blame me for never speaking up despite me constantly trying and being met with "its just a joke bro" they tried lying me about them using tone tags despite that fact they never used them. I blocked them quickly after that, seeing what they were doing but barely a day after they tried talking to one of my partners about it.

In the message A sent they tried to place all the blame on my other partner, saying that they deserve everything that happened. They said i shouldnt be absolutely pissed at them about what happened to my partner, what they (A) put them through. To say that was the final straw is an understatement.

A destroyed me and my partner's self worth and confidence, has made us even months later second guess our every word and even our friends. Afraid their gonna turn against and treat us like A did. A made me question my own judgment and stuff with their lies. They tried placing blame on me for unrelated things, they tried to ruin my image. And as we later found out A physical hurt one of the three people in our group they knew irl, often.

Im still constantly afraid of A finding their way back to the new server even tho they're blocked, ive had ex friends stalk me to almost creepshowart levels and i wouldn't put it past them to do that. Most of the process i made with my friends to open up and be myself more destroyed. I fear people talking behind my back again, cuz apparently A tried starting a secret server with my friends who were aware of what happened due to exams to trash talk me, which failed but still.

I still feel terrible about all this, i didnt speak out when A originally started trash talking my partner out of fear, now i feel bad for causing my friends to basically lose our originally server because of this. The guilt eats at me even tho i know this was the best choice for everyone

Tldr/summary cuz its long

An ex friend of mine would constantly bully me and one of my partners and when we finally stand up for ourselves they tried manipulating us and our other friends into making them the good guy and us the bad guys. Even going as far as trying to fake evidence (which ive learn as of writing this)

Even months after im still suffering the effects of everything and i dont know how to try moving on. I am trying to seek therapy again but the health system here is terrible and expensive, so im trying to possibly find ways to help myself while waiting

Hi Shadow,

I'm so sorry to hear about the toxic friendship you had. The way your friend treated you and your partner was completely unacceptable. Their behavior of making mean-spirited jokes, targeting and insulting both of you, and dismissing your requests to stop is not a sign of love or friendship. It's important to remember that you deserve respect, kindness, and support in your relationships.

It seems like A used their position as a mod to further their harmful actions. Deleting messages, manipulating situations, and attempting to shift blame are clear signs of their toxic behavior. It's unfortunate that they tried to undermine your self-worth and confidence, as well as create divisions among your friends. This kind of treatment can have lasting effects, but it's essential to recognize that their behavior is a reflection of their own issues and not a reflection of your worth.

Please know that healing is a gradual process, and it's okay to give yourself time and space to heal at your own pace. It's understandable to have moments of doubt or fear, but try to remind yourself that you have taken positive steps by cutting off a toxic relationship. You deserve peace and happiness in your life.

I hope I could help, and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[dzpenumbra]

5/31/23

Yep, it's late again. XD

What happened this time? I don't know... I kinda panic-rushed to start working on those prototype beads at... 2 fucking 30 in the morning. You know... as one does... And here I am, starting my journal at 4:44 AM, the birds filling the air with their cheerful song, the midnight blue of dawn slowly warming the sky.

The good news? I got a really cool design done on one of the beads. The bad news? My goal was to do 4 of them, and to Mod Podge at least one of them. And I clearly didn't. So... yeah.

The day just got away from me again. Like... ugh. It's just frustrating me. I seriously don't even sit down to have my coffee until like 5 PM, and I'm rarely done drinking coffee before 7. Where do the fucking hours go?!

Like... I barely spent any time in bed! I got up, I did yoga - the lower back and hip one I like - then I did a bit of a workout after, because I hadn't been doing them. I have this ritual of opening the window and then doing the coffee before yoga, so it steeps while I'm doing that. And then, after the workout, I go and make cereal and I sit down and... it's like 4:30. At least.

I mean... I did play Risk of Rain a bit... but just one run to go for an achievement, I don't think it took longer than an hour... Hmm... maybe that did take longer than I remember. Maybe that's the X factor. Hmm...

Welp... after all that, I went and showered. I put a clothes iron and a glass bowl to make another plant terrarium thing with in a cart on Amazon and never ordered it. I made dinner. I played music for a long time. I got really sucked into it too. I even opened Cubase and got ready to record and everything. But... I never pulled the trigger on it. Not until too late.

What's getting in the way? Twitch. I guarantee it. I'm just getting distracted. It's too fucking easy for me, it's so damn tempting. It's improv, it's comedy, it's drama, it's character-driven stories. How can I say no? I don't know, maybe I'm being a bit hard on myself.

I did an intense workout today, I snuck in some work hours late at night and I'm still kicking my own ass about not "being productive". <eyeroll> I need to chill with that shit.

The flowers really didn't have the same level of aroma tonight as they did yesterday... I wonder why that is?

Anywho, since it's so late, I'm just going to move along to tarot. And I'm counting this as work, because I honestly think I could give some good readings for people, and I plan to try in the near future on stream. I would offer in-person, but... I don't even have a table in my apartment. We'll see.

Past - Ace of Wands, inverted (Inspiration, creativity, fresh ideas.  The seed of confidence you need to embark on a new creative journey.) Present - Six of Cups, inverted (Nostalgia, memories, past relationships.  Learning from and reconciling with the past, to create a better future.) Future - IV: The Emperor (A powerful, dominant, strategic and protective figure of great influence and reach.  Symbolically, important changes, a shift in power, new responsibilities or authority. Adjacently symbolizes stability.)

I swear I shuffle and cut these every time. I even looked through the top of the deck to see if there were any other familiar cards from last night there. I guess these symbols are important!

So... last night we explored my connection between the Emperor in Past... and an inverted Ace of Wands in Present. Now we're looking at that inverted Ace of Wands as the catalyst. My inability to access my creativity: having creative block, me restricting or censoring myself, whatever the reason... That leads to a dysfunction in my ability to reflect on the past. Something gets fucked up there. Or... my nostalgia turns dark... That was the first thing I felt when I learned what the card meant. Like... how I struggle with nostalgia because... it's rarely good memories. It's like a minefield of trauma and painful emotions. So... I'm guessing my lack of confidence in my creative self can be a direct route to that. And... if that's out of whack? The Emperor comes out. I mean, why wouldn't he. He's the father figure, the protective guardian, the lord. And, in essence, that's not necessarily a bad thing... but... if we put that in the context of the reading last night about the Emperor having a strong tendency to cause inverted Ace of Wands to happen... That's a feedback loop right there.

When I struggle to connect with my creative spark, or lack the confidence to engage with it, I end up looking back to the Past in ways that are... not helping. Hopeless longing, or dreading, even spite. "I didn't used to be like this." "I never used to struggle like this." "I used to have friends to help with this." Shit like that, which just sends me spiraling into all the shit that comes with those memories, all the attached nightmares, all the ghosts haunting those houses. And the reaction to this? The Emperor comes out to keep order. The "alright, what's going on here, we're supposed to be working, right? How productive have we been today? What's on the whiteboard? You can think about that stuff later if it's important" voice. And he's good at keeping emotions at bay... for the moment... But what last night said was... when he comes out... it tends to actually either reinforce or even cause a blockage between me and my creative spark. Or, at very least, my confidence to take creative risks. And this can result in a great outpouring of emotion. Ironic, eh? XD

Welp... that's a bit of a cluster fuck, isn't it? Hmm... so... if there's anything I've learned this week. I gotta work on my inner parent. I need to let myself wander a bit more, and be okay with a few days of meandering. I need my inner parent to focus more on... constructing larger scale plans. Like... some form of day structure... like developing strategies to get to bed earlier, constructing hypothetical scenarios where I'm working and enjoying myself, finding ways to get me outside more. Shit like that. And less... self-policing. If I had a good foundation, a healthier framework, I wouldn't need to self-police at all. So... that's my solution. Instead of going "oh no, don't ever listen to the Emperor" or whatever... to give little tweaks customized to how I know my personality works. Something that seems doable.

But for now, I'm off to bed.

[brain-go-brrrrrrrr]

Chara is Kris and we play as Frisk in Deltarune

This is a theory that I've split up into three parts and reads very confusingly so here is just a long one part, putting everything together in one space more clearly. 

Chara isn’t Chara’s name, You choose Chara’s name at the start of Undertale. We use the name Chara because that is the spirt’s name and is short for character. So, Chara’s name can be Kris. 

The characters in Deltarune are older. Asriel is in college. So Chara would also look older, like how Kris looks. Kris looks like an older version of Chara. Also they are wearing a more updated version of Chara’s outfit 

After Kris spent a long time in the underground they would have lost their tan and look much more pale as there isn’t any sunlight in the underground but after years back on the surface Kris’s skin got rejuvenated to a human's normal skin colour like Frisk’s

This would all take place as a sequel to Undertale. But how can that be possible if a bunch of the characters don’t know eachother like Undyne and Alphys. This could be because they got their memories wiped and this isn’t to fairfected because with a true reseat we can do that. Onionsan points at the fact that they have lost memories, they can’t remember their name and also can somewhat remember the song coming from the sea which the river person in Undertale talks about.  

(Onionsan Deltarune: “Just a little piece of a song .. its coming from under the water. ive heard that song before, coming from the sea. the whole thing. it's not a “new” song. but i can't remember”

River person Undertale: “did you ever hear the old song coming from the sea?”)

In Undertale, the player (us) and Frisk are different. We are Frisk but Frisk is not us. We use them as our player character like in any other game. Everything Frisk does is through us but Undertale highlights the fact that the player is a completely different entity. With Deltarune we would continue to play as Frisk because there is none else that we can be. Kris has taken over from Frisk’s body and has started to live their normal life on the surface and none else knows about Frisk because of the erased memories. 

The darkworlds were able to reawaken Frisk and us. Frisk was able to take control of their soul back for short amounts of time that we control but Kris still has some power. This is why we are able to talk to Sans like we already know him because we do, Frisk does but Sans doesn’t remember. Going to the darkworld the body’s clothing changes from Chara’s colours to Frisk’s. Kris’s only way to take control back from Frisk is to rip their soul out. Kris is able to live without it after all again this is all just for fun, I like trying to connect these dotes and full out the blacks a bit more. This isn’t the real story of Deltarune, It just can’t be but it’s still fun. Just being Papyrus solving the horoscope for real

[garyfischy]

I hope it's not an issue that I do ask you about stuff, but I just like to hear what you have to say. Also, you were kind of enticing me to play Fo3 ... and now I'm really curious and can't wait for that log about your vision (I hope you're okay idk if it's rlly bad or anything)

After beating fo1 2 days ago ive come to the conclusion that fo3 is like a burger king burger and fo1 is an amateurish handmade meal where all of the ingredients clash texturally and flavorally. (I know gamingcirclejerk has multiple posts mocking people who use burger comparisons for the fallout games. Let me have this.) Fallout 3 is more "fun" to play at first: blast monsters, follow minimap. But it gets formulaic. A lot of the quests straight up dont make sense. I had fun at first, but after I beat it and tried to replay I felt nothing. There wasn't any satisfaction in trying to do things a different way in a sidequest because it hardly affected anything, and when it did, it was an extraneous location that you'd probably never go to again (Arefu quest is a good example of this). It had raw thrill, much like how a cheap fast food burger satiates you, but it leaves no lasting impression. (Subjective. I just dislike burger king.) It lacked replayability value in that all of the characters were so cheap and flat that me replaying as an evil character would not have changed much. So many useless npcs that insta-hostile and are impossible to glean knowledge on unless you kill them and loot their corpse for hints, that otherwise could have been scrapped in favor of fleshing out other characters. Not ntion that it is insanely hard to play a true evil character- most of the quests for decent gear hinge on you doing a good act. (Not that the quests even know what they're saying with morality. The Tenpenny Tower quest was atrociously badly written.)

I might make a separate post about my gripes with fallout 3- trying not to repeat stuff from the other critiques I've read on it, but I already wrote down some ideas during the playthrough before I read em. So they're mostly just in line with my thoughts on the game.

Again, I liked fallout 3 enough to put 70+ hours into my first playthrough. I am that dedicated to getting into this series. I like shooting enemies and blowing them up. But flaws are flaws.

Fallout 1 is fucking hard. Ive played a decent amount of jrpgs and modern rpgs (chrono trigger, OFF, Deltarune, pokemon, others probably. Its just the "default" model of games for me along w platformers) and its really not a "rpg" so much as "tabletop rpg on paper".

I was spoiled for nearly every single major location and the final boss. I spent most of the playthrough scouring the manual and Gamefaqs. I agonized over how to get the psychic nullifier from Gideon for 45 MINUTES before I realized i needed higher INT for it. It's unforgiving. It's easy to get stuck. It is absolutely mindnumbingly enraging at times even WITH a manual. At least fallout 3's grim Matrix-color-graded vomit grey landscape provides contrast for dropped items: try finding a 3px black badge on a black tile floor in The Cathedral in fo1.

That being said, once you throw yourself at the wall enough times it's fun. It's far more replayable than fallout 3. Why? Because you actually have a sense of agency. You aren't constantly shoved into a little box of "this is how we wrote the ending". You can go hog wild. While there is only one official ending (in which the world does NOT end) there are so many ways to approach it, so many different paths to make that ACTUALLY MAKE A DIFFERENCE in which items you can get (certain weapons are near inaccessible if you play one way; ie power armor, but are given out like candy in another) and which npcs permadie. The SPECIAL system is frustrating as hell but it is so damn fun to build characters in it. Your INT and LUCK stats will drastically affect RNG and dialogue options. One of the perks of older games (that is unfortunately near impossible to port to a FPS) is how limited the scope of the game is. This is an idea i cant word correctly but fallout 1 still feels like you have agency, even if you have less CONTROL of your character. an evil Luck Max Agility Max run is going to play out and feel different in dialogue than a good INT Max Strength Max run. Idk what im going on about here sorry

[weeniebagel]

Top 20 favorite Magic cards?

i dont play magic much at all anymore because i hate secret lairs but i do still sometimes run games of pauper or commander or paupermander

idk if ill list 20 cards but heres some favorites (under a read more because it may be a bit lengthy idk)

i like it when commander games are fast and everybody feels like they get a chance to play. this? does that. ramps you and each other player. lets you get consistent lands without explicitly making one player gain a massive advantage. gets you MAJOR brownie points at the table while making it all run smoothly. and just 2 mana! if im playing white i typically run this

mono black devotion is a very fun deck in pauper. being able to drop this guy each turn 4 turns in a row is a surefire way to make me smile like an idiot. being able to bounce em in multiplayer is nice, too, without feeling too busted usually. i appreciate indirect damage

when i first learned about paupermander (commander but you only use commons and an uncommon creature for your commander) i immediately set out to make something heinous. my first deck i popped together in just a few minutes was a lil midrangey elves and goblins deck, that just so happened to have a few infinite damage combos to wipe out any other player. ive since made even stronger decks that i like more, but grumgully will always have a special place in my heart

i like merfolk! theyre a fun tribal to run in lots of lil formats. true name is especially satisfying as a way to enforce pressure on heavily defended players. i like a lot of merfolk cards but this one comes to mind for some reason

first pauper deck i ever tried and enjoyed? blue green fog. favorite part of it? having 8 fog effects with just one playset of this one card. felt good to know i could pop some fogs consistently for p darn cheap.

my first time played legacy, i tried out monored prison. i managed to simian spirit guide and city of traitors into a turn one blood moon and my opponent who had a grip full of exclusively fetch lands just conceded turn 0. never before have i played with as perfect a balance of time spent playing to enjoyment. sorry for enjoying stun but i do

commander is full of fun creatures to build decks around, but grenzo is probably my all time favorite. it feels so nice to just pop stuff out of the bottom of your library for 2 mana. theyres so many strong cards with just 2 power! hell, even MORE with 3! its soooo satisfying to just play fast and wild and chaotic and let the cards flow how they may. sure it can be optimized so you get nutty and consistent combos, but personally its satisfying to open up the box and see what i get.

now, on the subject of favorite commanders, accidentally making a super strong food deck sure was something. im at the point with deckbuilding where even tryin to make something functional but not *too* strong is impossible, since synergies are so nutty these days.

stuffing this guy (and similar effects, really) into any deck just feels good. i love indirect damage and control effects since i tend to stack up creatures to defend myself more than anything, so consistent ways to blow up the table without hedging too many risks is nice. its a lil bull, honestly, but it works for me.

if im playing mono red i always run valakut. its that simple. i have very little nonbasics in mono red, so i can rock valakut and feel chuffed when i get to ping people down for just playing lands. i try not to avoid landfall decks because theyre just rewarding you for doing things every deck wants to do, but i do like valakut as a small bonus

last one because im tired. sometimes friends want to play a commander game and im not in the mood for something long. as such, i decide to get hectic and see what silly things i can get away with. if i can kill the whole table in one turn im happy, even if im dying at the same time. funny every time, really.

i still check out new sets but i dont play all that much. i just play on cockatrice with buddies these days, but i am looking into other TCGs these days. recently got a digimon deck built lol

[cantarella-if]

Since you guys seemed to like the piece I did with Lucrezia Borgia's hair, I thought I would show you another artifact that will be mentioned in Book 1 as being in the museum. It's one of my favorite historical pieces.

This looks like a picture of an ordinary (if not extravagant) bedframe, but the truth is, it's the only surviving bed from the middle ages! It was constructed in 1486 for King Henry VII of England and his new bride Elizabeth of York, parents to the infamous Henry VIII. While their son may have not had the best luck with romance, to put it mildly for his six queens, Henry and Elizabeth's story was the exact opposite and very sweet.

Elizabeth became heir to the throne of England as the oldest child of King Edward IV after her two younger brothers mysteriously disappeared (look up the Princes in the Tower if you get a chance, the story is really interesting). At the time, Henry Tudor was the Duke of Richmond, exiled after his family took the wrong side in the ongoing civil war at the time, the Wars of the Roses. Both were cousins; Henry came from the Lancastrian half of the ruling Plantagenet family represented by the symbol of the red rose while Elizabeth was from the Yorkist side who took the symbol of the white rose.

As of 1483, England was ruled by Elizabeth's uncle Richard III, who is now famous because of Shakespeare's play which incorrectly portrayed him as a hunchbacked tyrant who murdered his nephews to gain power. Richard had been on the throne for two years before Henry came back to England with an army as the last male member of the Lancastrian line and the two fought to the death in August of 1485 at the Battle of Bosworth Field, which saw Richard killed and Henry take the crown by right of conquest in a real-life Game of Thrones.

One of Henry's first acts as king was to marry the beautiful and kindhearted Elizabeth, not for romantic reasons, but because she was technically heir to the throne and he needed an airtight claim to power. Their marriage brought an end to decades of civil war and merged the two families together into one of the most infamous dynasties in history; the Tudors.

Eventually it grew into a love match that lasted 16 years. This bed was commissioned for their wedding night and it was perhaps here that the couple conceived the the first of their seven children (only three of which survived into adulthood) and brought a new era to England. However, the happiness all came to an end when Elizabeth died in childbirth with a stillborn daughter on 11 February 1503, her thirty-seventh birthday. Henry was devastated to the point that the normally stoic man who refused to show any signs of weakness or strong emotion in the past, broke down so badly that it was feared he himself might die of grief. He locked himself away and refused to let anyone see him including his doctors, becoming a cold recluse who instead became obsessed with his money and filling up the royal treasury. When he died six years later, it was said to have been from a broken heart. His son and heir Henry VIII commissioned a splendid tomb in Westminster Abbey made of gilded bronze, pictured below, as a testament to their love and seems to have spent his life trying to find the same kind of companion for himself as his mother was to his father.

After Elizabeth's death, the bed disappears from history, probably because Henry refused to sleep in it after her passing, and it was packed away until after bouncing around between locations, it was sold at auction in 2010 without the buyer knowing it's significance. It was later proven to have been made of authentic Tudor era English oak and is now one of the most important pieces of furniture in England behind the throne itself.

[reidsnose]

happy campers

overview: the bau goes on a team building camping trip but reader and spencer spend most of their time together

genre: fluff

a/n: ive been kicking myself for not posting in forever but i think this one is pretty cute! please lmk what yall think :)

masterlist

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the stuffy, eight person suv finally rolled to a stop, the overgrown children that call themselves the bau tumbling out as quickly and gracelessly as possible. Morgan and Reid nearing the end of a 2 and a half minute long slap fight that you happened to be caught directly in the middle of. you looked at jj, pleading to make them stop with her mom powers.

"boys behave or ill ground you both," she sighed, going to help out with taking things out of the trunk.

they immediately stopped, muttering under their breath that the other one started it. but before they could start again, Spencer caught a glance at you. you were taking a deep breath, smiling contently, very clearly happy to get some fresh, forest air. despite being in direct sunlight, your smile was far brighter than anything he'd seen in his whole life.

before he knew it he was being snapped out of his daze and asked to help set up the tents. he was really hoping to have a chance to share a tent with you, like you sometimes had done on cases when hotel rooms were scarce. but he knew that almost everyone wanted a spot in your tent because you're that much fun to be around. Penelope would win, obviously, and he would be paired up with morgan again.

he let out a sigh as he finished up pitching one of the tents, pulling the corner and nailing it into the ground. as he did so, something caught his eye: a pink, round, fat little worm crawled out of the dirt.

his attention was now fully on the worm, ecstatic to see it because he had been reading up on worms for a while. he called morgan and hotch over since they were the closest to him, rambling excitedly all hes learned about them so far. he looked up and could see the disinterest behind their polite smiles. his own smile faltered for a second, until he saw you finishing up pitching a tent.

"im gonna go show y/n. shes gonna love this!" spencer giggled, already walking towards you.

"hey kid i dont know if she-" morgan began.

"reid she might not-" hotch started as well.

but he had already reached you, sticking out his hand and revealing the worm. hotch and morgan looked at each other worriedly, concerned that the tiniest rejection from you, even about something as small as a worm, would tear his heart to pieces.

their faces changed from worry to confusion as they watched a wide grin crack on your face.

"oh! a worm!" you exclaimed gleefully.

they observed as you put your hand out and Spencer dropped the worm in your hand. you watched it wriggle around and would occasionally look up and nod along with his rambling, asking questions and listening intently. hotch and morgan were speechless, knowing full well if they offered a girl they liked a worm, she would not have the same reaction.

you and Spencer started walking back over to the tent, where hotch and morgan tried their best to seem busy. you two were laughing, something about putting the worm back where he found it so it gets home safely. if there was ever any doubt that you and Spencer would be the perfect couple, its completely disintegrated now.

you and Spencer were typically joined at the hip, but after the worm encounter, you two were especially inseparable.

the girls went down by the lake to tan while you and Spencer tried to build a hut out of random sticks and logs you found around the forest. and while the guys were fishing on that same lake, Spencer and you were rock skipping, and he was explaining to you the physics behind it. and you were both scaring away any potential fish for rossi, hotch, and morgan to catch. so you two were banished back into the forest for the time being. when the rest of the team came back, you and him were up in a tree, eating some of the snacks they'd packed, talking and laughing and subconsciously leaning into one another. you didn't need to be a profiler to see the signs. you two were head over heels already, even if you guys didn't know it yet.

after a bonfire full of roasted marshmallows and scary stories, laughs and giggles. it was a wonderful, but tiring night and before you knew it you were getting ready for bed, sharing highlights of the day back and fourth with Penelope.

"i'm picking up on a bit of a pattern," she giggled, wiggling her eyebrows.

you wracked your brain, "what pattern?"

"all of your highlights included a certain adorkable genius."

"what? no we just...he's my best friend so we-cause its fun and i just-" you stammered, feeling your face heat up with every passing second.

"relax my love, i was just teasing," she chuckled, turning over to go to sleep.

"yeah i know. goodnight pen."

"goodnight lovely," she sighed, "but give some thought to lover boy."

you chuckled lightly before whispering to yourself, "trust me i have."

you woke up and checked the time, it was 4:47am but you just could not fall asleep. you crawled out of the tent, grabbing your blanket when you felt the cool morning air rush at you. you didn't want to wake anyone, so you made your way over to the little hill that the suv was parked on, stealing the keys from hotch's bag and crossing to the other side that faced east. the sun would be rising soon, it would be nice to watch; you draped your blanket across your shoulders. you heard footsteps coming from behind you, your blood running cold, immediately assuming the worst.

you turned around and were met with Spencer's sleepy smile. his hair stuck up in all directions and he looked perfectly adorable. you had to resist your urge to give in and kiss him right then and there.

"you scared me!" you whispered, trying to stifle a smile.

"im sorry," he giggled, "why are you up?"

"im not sure i just couldnt fall back asleep. why are you up?" you echoed.

"morgan keeps farting."

you and him let out hearty laughs, quickly covering your mouths as to not wake up the rest of the team.

you faced the car for a second, legs growing tired from standing.

"look how pretty the fogged up windows look," you observed, facing back and fourth between the colorful sky and the muggy version reflecting on the suv. you pressed your hand against the window, leaving a print, "so cold!" you chuckled.

spencer put his hand next your handprint, quickly recoiling, "you werent lying," he laughed, shivering a little.

you looked at the two handprints, his comically larger than yours and you couldnt help but smile to yourself.

"do you want some blanket?" you asked, opening your arms.

"i think im too tall," he frowned, "maybe if i crouch?"

"how about," you dangled the keys infront of your face before opening the trunk of the suv, "front row seats to the sunrise and some blanket."

"that sounds perfect," he smiled, begging his body not to redden his cheeks.

you two crawled into the trunk, draping the blanket across both of your shoulders, being pulled together by the small piece of fabric. you two were completely cuddled together, getting maximum warmth from the blanket and each other's body heat. a comfortable silence floated between you, faint bird songs and the others breathing filling it with peace. you felt your eyelids droop, despite the breathtaking rebirth of the sun happing in front of you. spencer was just so comfortable.

he felt the same way, his head falling to rest on top of yours as sleep pulled at his eyes. he yawned lightly, pulling you closer and breathing you in. you smiled. perfectly content.

about an hour later, hotch woke up, searching frantically for his keys. he ran up to check if the suv was still there, only to be met with your sleeping figures in the open trunk, wrapped up tightly in a blanket, smiles on both of your faces despite being asleep. hotch was good at predicting things, he saw scenarios play out fully before they truly began.

he snapped a picture, knowing it would be put to good use in a few years, he smelled a wedding.

spencer and you spent the drive home smiling like a couple of idiots, grins growing wider each time the sun hit the window just right, revealing your handprints.

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ultra mega super cool taglist:

@mac99martin @imhreid @spencersmagic @hollydaisy23 @raelady1184 @a-broken-pact @padfootswife @hey-there-angels @star-stuff-in-the-cosmos @sonnydoesrandomshit @averyhotchner @laurakirsten0502 @reidyoulikeabook @rem-ariiana @spencerreid9 @vampire-overlord @takeyourleap-of-faith @spenxerslut @violetspoetic @aperrywilliams @b-a-utiful @eevee0722 @srhxpci @reidemandweep @imdefinitelyfloating @random-human-person @gurkiloni @luvspence @calm-and-doctor @ssavanessa22 @singularityjc