#the poking fun at the 60s writing got old fast

[gallifreyanhotfive]

[nightjung]

Wow your works amazing! Can I request 60 and 61 with fuckboy jaehyun and shy girl👀

𝐁𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐭 𝐋𝐢𝐩𝐬

Fuckboy!jaehyun x shygirl!reader

60. “You have no idea how much I want you.”

61. “Say it.”

warnings: oral (receiving)

a/n: here you go! sorry it took so long, but i hope you like it haha this was super fun to write

It was a cold night, a silent one, matter in fact. You and Jaehyun had left a party a little earlier than you thought because of some altercation with you and his ex-girlfriend. Apparently, she said something that set you off, but you were more grounded to hold it in, which made Jaehyun hot-headed because you were always stubborn like that. Jaehyun’s ex-girlfriend had a way with her words, it was always good at slithering its way into other’s heads, this time yours. She had told you that Jaehyun never settles, they only dated for 9 months, and that’s his longest relationship. He has a famous history of sleeping around on campus, you knew that going into this relationship, but just like all of the other girls you fell into his trap. 

Jaehyun's knuckles were white as a ghost as he drove the two of you home. You refused to tell him, nervous that things would end so soon. You wanted this relationship to work so badly, but it didn’t take you long to spill the beans. 

“And you believed her? You think that I don’t take this - us - seriously?” Jaehyun’s voice rose, which made you nervous because he was never angry or at least angry enough to raise his voice at you. He knew better than that because you were always reserved, quiet, never liking any loud noises. 

“Well, how could I, Jaehyun? When all the girls are eating me with their dirty glares and silently making fun of me. I told you, I never wanted to go to this party because I wasn’t ready to meet this part of your life.” You choked out the last part as tears slowly streamed down your face. You were so embarrassed about getting tripped up over something about this. You know Jaehyun loves you with all of his heart, but the thought of him leaving you always scares you. 

Pulling into your parking garage, you caged yourself in your arms, crossing them in front of you as Jaehyun slammed his door and didn’t wait for you as he sauntered up to your apartment. You quietly followed him as you both made your way up. You fumbled with the keys in your hand when he waited for you to open the door and as soon as the door opened, Jaehyun walked in first with his hands sitting on his hips as you locked the door behind you.

Your gaze glued to the ground, knowing that he was mad at you, “I’m sorry,” you sniffled.

At that moment, Jaehyun’s heart softened. He was so mad and caught up in his thoughts that he didn’t even know he was making you think that he was made with you, that he was hurting you. But in all honesty, he was mad at himself for taking you to that dumb party.

“No,” Jaehyun walked up to you, pulling him into your arms, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have made you do something you weren’t ready for.”

“It’s fine.” 

“It’s not fine. You’re not okay because of it. I wish I hadn’t taken you there. You know that this isn’t a game, right? I love you, I genuinely do, y/n.” 

You pulled away and glanced at him, it made you upset that you made him think that he was his old self again, when in actuality, he was a better person because of you. 

“You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I’m so sorry tonight made you question that.” Jaehyun kisses the top of your head. 

You are his girl, the quiet girl that got partnered up with his lazy ass in philosophy. You did all of the work without complaining, ever since then, he thought you were adorable whenever you were so focused on something. To this day he still feels bad for making you do all the work, but he knows you’re not one to hold grudges. You have such a big heart to him and for the first time, he managed to chip a little of your heart. 

“It’s fine now,” you buried yourself closer to his chest, Jaehyun didn’t hesitate to squeeze your petite body closer to him. 

You two stayed in that position for a long time, with you in his arms in the dark apartment as you never bothered to turn on the lights. He swayed you side to side like the beating of your hearts were the beats of the music. 

In a whisper, you hummed, “I love you Jung Jaehyun,” a peaceful smile settled on your lips. It was the first time you said his entire name and he’d be lying if he said he didn’t feel butterflies. 

Jaehyun pulled away to put his hands on your cheeks, “I love you too, you’re so amazing,” without hesitation, he pressed his lips on yours, the plump of his bottom lip fitting perfectly between yours. 

It was a passionate kiss that he meant for it to be innocent, but could you help the boy when he was falling more in love with you by the minute? With caressed hands wrapping around your hips, Jaehyun pressed your body against his. Your body was warm, it held a lot of love for him and he couldn’t help but melt in your embrace. Jaehyun’s hands wandered to your legs and you jumped, clinging onto him as he attempted to walk to your bedroom. With your lips occupied on Jaehyun’s and his hands busy in maneuvering around the walls, you finally found yourself on your bed as Jaehyun attempted to take off your jeans. 

“What the fuck-these are so tight,” he struggled as the hem of your jeans got stuck at your feet. 

You chuckled at the struggling male and offered to take them off yourself but he was reluctant in taking care of you and letting you rest, making him do all the work. It only took him a while to finally strip you, you laid on your bed completely naked in front of your lover as he took his time in kissing each inch of your limbs. You held your heart in your throat, sheets in your fists as you attempted suppressing your moans every time his lips made contact with your skin. 

As soon as his gentle hands pried your legs apart to peer at you glistening womanhood, you hissed at the cold air hitting your throbbing sex. Jaehyun was slow in his movements, taking the naked view of you in, imprinting it in his mind. 

“You’re so beautiful,” he whispers to himself as a finger traces through your slit. 

A quiet yet impatient moan escapes your lips as he coats his long fingers with your essence, Jaehyun knew exactly what he was doing to you. Your mind went back and forth, debating if you should beg for him or stay silent. 

“Come, baby, say it,” Jaehyun smirks, he can tell by your tense body and wandering eyes that you had something to say for him. He knows what it is, he just wants to hear you beg.

“Jeez,” you sighed, surrendering, “just eat me out, please, please, please,” you beg. 

Jaehyun tongue pokes the inside of his cheek, finally hearing you beg for his tongue on your sex, “you don’t have to ask twice.” 

Maybe this is how the sky felt once the stars were awakened, finally relieved to breathe. An awaited moan was released from your lips as soon as you felt Jaehyun’s hot tongue and warm lips. He sent you to the sky and back with each stroke of his tongue. 

“Oh, god,” you shut your eyes tight as your back arches from the feeling of his tongue sucking your clit. 

When Jaehyun replaces his tongue with your fingers, you swear you felt like the sun. You felt like he was your world and you were his sun. His tongue would always work wonders on you, whether it was speaking, saying filthy things that turned you on, or bringing you to your climax, he never failed to make you writhe under him. 

“I-Jae I’m close,” your hands reach for his hair, gently pulling onto his strands. With only a few more strokes and kisses on your clit, you came undone in your lover’s arms with panting breaths. 

But now that you were warmed up for him, Jaehyun didn’t plan on stopping there. There was something about you that always left him wanting for more. You were so, so good to him. You have the most undeniably beautiful heart, it was always patient and forgiving. You always gave him unconditional love, he was weak for you and your love for him. 

After pecking your lips, Jaehyun took his hardened cock and pumped it in his hand before slowly bringing the tip to your entrance. You slightly jolted from the contact of his throbbing member, but he was gentle in entering you. Both of you let out a moan at the feeling of your walls swallowing Jaehyun’s large cock. You held his shoulders as he buried his face in your neck, giving you reassuring kisses, they felt so relaxing that you felt like you could stay like this for the rest of the night, but you’d be lying if you said you also didn’t want more. You tapped his back, letting him know that he can begin moving and he didn’t hesitate to. 

Each time Jaehyun’s hips met with yours, you would let out a little hum of satisfaction. He held you close to his body, his hands caressing your waist like you were the most precious thing on Earth to him. Little did you know that you were. He used each inch of his palms to feel each centimeter of your skin, the layers in his hands desperate to feel all of you. 

The way your eyes glistened whenever you talked about something you adored made him adore you, even the tiredness in your face after a full day of classes, he still thought you were beautiful. But right now, at this moment, the way you looked at him with full of love below him made his breath hitch. 

“You have no idea how much I want you,” Jaehyun kissed your collarbone. 

“I’m yours, I’m yours Jaehyun,” you pant.

The pace of Jaehyun’s hips snapping against yours was fast, they were endless. Each time he rammed into you, his tip hit the sweetest spot you could ever ask for and when it did, your moans dripped like honey. If you could get a taste of the sweetest honey, it would be right now, right when Jaehyun abuses your sex and brings his fingertips to your clit. 

“O-oh...I’m close,” you inhale a sharp breath. 

“Cum. Do it for me, angel,” Jaehyun kissed your temple, ramming into you faster, his pace driving you to both of your climaxes. 

And just like that, like the ocean waves, a large overwhelming feeling of pleasure fogged your mind as your cries were as loud as the crash. Jaehyun held you in his embrace as your limbs shook, you felt a smile grow on his lips as you calmed down. 

“I’m sorry if I ever hurt you or made you question my love for you. I’m not who I used to be, you know that, right? And it’s all because of you,” Jaehyun whispered lovingly in your ear, “and I wouldn’t change a thing.”

[slutsofren]

Hallo! Here’s my official request for some fluff with CEO! Kylo & Mistress for the time he tells her he loves her & his plans for the future :3

This one was super super fun to write but finding the words to put down was so difficult, im so so so sorry @bicthpotato but thank you dearly for your patience !!

Just Because I Love You

Summary: Kylo is in town to spend some time with you, you cannot wait for you two to take some time off and relax. Being the CEOs of your own companies was rough work so Kylo has a little speech for you.

General Info: CEO Kylo & Mistress AU, fluff, first time saying “I love you”, teasing, lots of teasing and sarcasm, light cursing, Kylo talking about his emotions?? whomst???

Read on AO3 here! Just under 2k. 

It was 4:00 on the dot, you knew you’d be able to slip out of the office easily at this time. Besides, you were the boss, who was going to stop you? Your employees knew better, each one went through your rather rigorous 60 day training period and if they lasted then they deserved all the benefits you were able to grant them. They were grateful to be here under your care just as much as you were grateful they helped create a loving work environment.

It helps being a powerful boss ass bitch. You wore that title proud.

What you also wore proud was the immaculate silver necklace around your neck with an elegant “K” charm dangling, catching the light of every room you walked into. It was the latest gift from Kylo, just because he missed you and wanted you to have a small piece of him with you in Los Angeles after you came home.

Your fingers fidgeted with the charm,  rubbing the “K” over and over. You looked at your watch once again, 4:05. You rose from your chair and rounded the desk, grabbing your work satchel and coat, flicking the light off behind you. Your assistant looked up from her computer, “Headed home early, ma’am?”

“How many times do I have to tell you,” you teased, “don’t call me ‘ma’am’ I’m not old.”

She let out a hearty laugh, “Of course, is there anything you’d like me to finish up, Miss?” You paused and thought for a moment but you couldn’t bear to think about work much longer.

“Do one thing and then you can go home, email each department to give everybody the rest of the day off.”

“On account of what, Miss?”

“On the account that I’m in a damn good mood and I’m going to see somebody that I’ve missed dearly.”

You gave her one last smile before continuing out of the office, a little hop found its way into your step echoing in the clinks of the darling heels you wore.

It’s been a couple months since you met the infamous Kylo Ren. You didn’t know who he was when you two met that fateful evening but after spending not just the night together but the following week with him, you knew he was somebody you wanted to continue keeping in your life.

In summary, the relationship the two of you cultivated was almost like two stars colliding in the galaxy and choosing to fly together. The choice to stay around each other, watching him with his explosive temper and him watching you in your cool rage, that choice made whatever you had with Kylo Ren feel powerful and unwavering.

After your time in New York with what you initially thought would be a fling, he visited you in California once before. After your second trip to New York, it was then that you knew in your heart that you were in it for the long haul.

It was nice, you thought as you drove down the busy Los Angeles freeways. You have an incredibly sexy date tonight and he is probably the sexiest man in the world.

You were eager to return home, hoping to see the man who invaded your thoughts soon. His plane was expected to land after it got dark and the two of you had planned a simple wine and dine on the balcony of your apartment. A nice cozy evening with one of the warmest souls you’ve ever met.

The apartment building you lived in was one of those that was lingering from old Hollywood, the art deco structure was an iconic look which made you love it from your first visit. It also helped the security on the building was top notch, something you’ve come to appreciate being a woman living by yourself.

“Honey, I’m home,” you said to no one as you entered your home, leaving your keys in a small bowl by the front door. As you removed your shoes by the doorway, you noticed there was a dark grey silk scarf on the coat rack, an item of clothing that was certainly not yours.

You ran your fingers over it, feeling its softness. After a moment you caught a whiff of the cologne that lightly came off it- it was distinctly Kylo. Your heart went into a flutter as your hands reached the bottom of the scarf where there was a black monogram KR embroidered on the rich material. That smile you had been forcing down finally spread wide across your face as you called his name loudly.

“Over here, little one,” his deep voice rang from outside your balcony. You took off your coat, throwing it off to some chair at your dining bar area. 

Kylo stood on the balcony, waiting for you leaning against the glass railing. He looked incredibly handsome standing there, the sun illuminated each and every single one of his beauty marks that you’d come to love tracing over with sweet kisses during moments of reprieve. His shirt was a tad bit ruffled, adding to his charm. Clearly a man who worked as fast as he could just to fly to your neck of the woods just as fast. 

You could hardly catch your breath as you took the few remaining steps that kept you from your lover, a truly decadent sweet. As your arms found themselves around his neck, his lips met yours in a sweet, chaste kiss. Nothing could be spoken that could mirror the joy in your heart, only the smile you felt sprawled on your face.

“Hey, handsome,” you spoke as you gazed up at Kylo.

He looked at you, letting his hands snake down to your hips, “Hey.”

The two of you kissed one more time before he grabbed one of your hands that was wrapped around his neck, he gave another kiss to the back of your hand. “A true gentleman,” you poked.

He let out a groan, “Quiet you, just sit in the damn chair, there’s something we need to talk about.” By the looks of his facial expression, you knew it was serious but nothing of concern, something that eased your mind for the time being. He led you by your hand, not once letting go and sat you down in one of the two chairs sitting on the balcony. You noticed that Kylo took the liberty of setting out your dinner plates for two on the table alongside fresh flowers, a colorful arrangement of carnations, daisies, baby’s breath, and roses. The mixture of reds and whites filled your heart with adoration for the gruff man in front of you.

Kylo always carried an air of aggression and being rough around the edges, something you’d easily recognize as his signature. It didn’t matter in the end, only that you’d know you’d never be subjected to the end of his red hot blade.

“So,” you edged him on, “Is it Bazine?” He shook his head. “Your mother,” you felt yourself grow cold. He shook his head again, saying nothing. Instead of words he sat down opposite of you and reached into his jacket pocket that hung around the back of his chair and grabbed something, a small box.

He passed it to you, a black box wrapped in a fine white silk ribbon. It was small, fit perfectly in the palm of your hand as you picked it up. “What’s this, Kylo? I’m sure I’ve told you time and time again not to get me gifts,” you laughed.

He looked away, resting back in his seat. “Just open the damned box already, brat.” You laughed again, knowing his little tantrum was a jest. Something you’ve grown to love about him.

The ribbon fell away easily, as if wanting nothing more than you to hurry and open the box too, you took a moment and glanced back to Kylo. His eyes grew dark as he covered his mouth with one of his hands, his eyebrows just as furrowed in hesitation. You could tell he was a bit anxious.

With a click, the little black box was open. Inside was a silver cuff bracelet. Simple, modest, and everything you could ever admire in a jewelry piece. “Oh, Kylo, I love it!”

“Keep looking at it,” his voice low.

A quick glance back down to your hands as you turned the cuff over and there it was, an inner engraving with a simple, “Just because I love you”. A phrase that instantly triggered tears of happiness well in your eyes. 

“You love me?”

He looked at you, astonished you could say such a thing and leaned forward, “Of course, why wouldn’t I? You’re incredible in a room, you command attention, your very essence demands respect.”

You looked back down at the cuff, admiring the words shine in the sunlight, “You sure know how to charm a lady,” you teased in a deadpan voice.

Kylo leaned back in his seat, noting the hints of playful sarcasm you emanated and let out a scoff, “You’re ruthless, little one. I just told you that I love you and your first instinct is to bust my balls.” You chuckled but continued to admire your gift. He whispered your name, calling you to look in his eyes. 

“You owe me nothing, and yet here we are. You waltzed into my life and after knowing the mess I’m in with Baz you stayed in my life, she’ll never forgive either of us for as long as she lives. Not to mention my own mother. You are a strong woman and you’ve seen the absolute terror I can be and yet here you are,” he paused, running his fingers through his hair.

“There is not a damn thing in this world that I wouldn’t change or do any differently if that meant I wouldn’t have met you in that restaurant. Fuck, go on a vacation, a long one, after I sign divorce papers, we could buy a whole new apartment in New York, one that Bazine will never step foot in and that could, I don’t fucking know, be an actual home for you and I. You’ve not a single clue just how much life and love you bring with you, and just how being around you makes me feel, I just-,” he pauses again, realizing he’s ranting, “I didn’t mean to go off on some big speech but what I wanted to say was that I love you, if you’d be willing to be in this fucked up version of a relationship with me for the foreseeable future and hopefully thereafter too, then maybe we can do that whole ‘let’s spend the rest of our lives together’ bullshit I’m always hearing about.”

This was the first time you’d ever heard Kylo Ren lay bare more than he ever had, admitting his own brash reactions, a mild hint at his own insecurities, and for the briefest of moments you were breathless.

Instead of choosing words, you hastily put the cuff on and stood from your chair taking two small steps to reach his noting how anxious he looked between your eyes and the newest addition to your jewelry set. You sat on his lap, taking a moment to caress his sharp jawline, “That was a lot of words to say I love you and you want to call me your girlfriend.”

He closed his eyes and threw his head back groaning, “Why are you like this!” 

You gave him a flourish of kisses all over his face, finally letting those tears from earlier fall, “Just because I love you too.”

[stanleycassidy0-blog]

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[bellaciaobitch]

Too much broken

Hello everyone! Thx for your support on my last post, it really meant a lot to me. I’m also open for jopper prompts so if you have some good ideas please do share! I’ll be really really happy to write them :) Ok, here we go. *deep breaths* Summary: After the parking lot scene. Hopper and Joyce share their thoughts and frustrations while waiting for the kids at the SnowBall and Joyce is too confused about her feelings. Mainly angst-jopper. ***

"Ya know I'll always be here, right?" Jim said placing a kiss on top of Joyce's head. She was so tiny in his arms that he was a little scared he would break her in half if he hug her too tight.

Joyce took a deep breath and hesitated before pulling herself closer and losing her weight in his chest. "I know" she said but it sounded muffled against the fabric of his shirt. In the distance they could hear Every Breath You Take echoing in the school’s gym and Jim could only imagine the kids teaching Jane how to dance. And by the kids, he meant Mike.

“I mean it.” he swallowed a little smoke and smiled to himself, picturing the big family they could built when all the trauma passes. “I’ve always been here… And i’ll be for as long as it takes”

Joyce looked up propping her chin in his chest. Her big eyes were full of confusion and maybe even a hint of fear. He cursed himself for the whole speech immediately, afraid that he was too invasive.

“Hop, if you mean…” she started, avoiding his eyes “No, sorry, forget it. I was just being stupid.” “You’re not stupid. It’s just that everything that happened is still so vivid in my mind, it’s hard to think about anything else.”

Hopper remained silent. He wanted to say that it was ok, that he understood her point and that he’d be patient. But the words got stuck in his throat and all he could do was stare at the lights that shined through the the gym windows.

Truth is, Jim was tired of understanding her point. He was doing that for more than 16 years now. He understood her when she started dating Lonnie in High School because he was a member of the basketball team and they “belonged” together. He also understood when she said they should stop hanging out because Lonnie was too jealous of her and he could get aggressive. He understood when Lonnie left and she was too worried about her children to answer his phone calls and finally he understood when she started dating Bob for the sake of her mental health.

Deep inside Jim felt horrible for thinking like that but he couldn’t avoid the frustration. Yes, he was going to wait for her. Always. But he wished she would cut with the excuses, he wished she would say the words he knew she wanted to, he wished…

“Look, I know we have… history.” Joyce said, letting go of his embrace to stand in front of him. She hold both of his hands to catch his attention. “And I know I’ve been letting you down for a long time. But I also know what my heart is telling me. And right now, I’m healing.” her voice was starting to fail and he caressed her hand with his thumb as she continued.

“It seems like everyone around me gets hurt somehow and I’m not ready to bring someone new into my life, it’s too risky. You’ve been around for a while now and you nearly died under that goddamn tunnel. I almost lost you there! I can’t lose you too, Hop”

Big tears were streaming down Joyce’s face and Hopper felt his heart racing. He wanted to make it stop, to make her whole again. To erase those two years of her life even if it meant not getting in touch anymore. But all he could do was comforting so he hugged her one more time, letting her cry on his chest.

“You won’t lose me.” he simply said, drawing circles on her back with his fingers, in and attempt of soothing her.

They stayed like that for a long time, hours. Joyce eventually stopped crying but didn’t pulled away and Hopper was too distracted listening the echoed songs and smelling her hair to think about anything else. It was only when they heard voices in the entrance of the parking lot that Joyce pulled away, afraid that it was their kids. He offered her another cigarette in silence and she accepted with a small smile.

“You said you’ll always be here” she said after a pause. “Are you sure you’ll wait? I’m too much broken.”

“Yeah.” He said, puffing out some smoke “I know that feeling, you know? Of being like a black hole and everyone around you disappears or gets hurt. I’m too much broken too, Joyce. So yeah, I’m sure I’ll wait. Maybe someday we can not be broken together.” Hopper didn’t have the guts to look at her when himself was feeling too emotional. So he kept staring at the cars around them while he felt her hand squeezing his in reassurance.

Dustin, Mike, Jane, Will, Nancy and Jonathan left the Ball not too long after that. They were laughing together as if nothing had happened just three months ago and Joyce and Hopper exchanged a look of cherish and love that only the two of them would understand. Those children were the only thing that made them believe that better days were about to come.

“Hey, how was it?” Joyce said kissing the top of Will’s head. “Oh, it was good! Will even got a date!” Dustin said winking and poking the boy with his elbow. “Yeah, and Dustin slow danced with Nancy” Will answered in the same joking tone. “He did what?” now Mike was the one to enter the argument sounding outraged as Nancy rolled her eyes. Joyce noticed he had one arm around Jane’s shoulders, mimicking the way Jonathan hugged Nancy, and she immediately narrowed a look to Hopper who folded his arms in response.

“Alright, I see you all had tons of fun tonight but it’s freezing here, time to go home.” he said ending with the boy’s discussion. “Hm, Mrs Byers, would you give me a ride home? I didn’t exactly told Steve to pick me up” Dustin voiced a little embarrassed. “Sure, Dear! Anyone else needing a ride?” “Wait, where’s Lucas and Max?” Hop interrupted, looking around and not finding the two. “He’s taking her home by bike.” Mike explained “I’d do the same with Jane but…” “Yeah, yeah, we get it, Romeo. Let’s go then, I’ll take you home” Hopper said snitching his daughter from Mike for a semi-hug.

“Honey, aren’t you coming with us?” Joyce asked Jonathan who was already walking hand in hand with Nancy to his own car. “No, we’ll have dinner some place quiet. Hm… I won’t be late, promise” “Okay, just be careful! And drive safe!” she said but the teens were already on their way out. Jonathan placed a kiss on his mother's cheek and Nancy gave her a shy goodnight before entering in his car and leave the parking lot.

“Kids, you can go in, we’ll be there in a minute” Hopper said letting go of Jane. They all changed a look but the adults pretended not to noticed. “And I want to see everyone with their seatbelts on when I come” Joyce said to Dustin and Will after saying her goodbyes to Mike and Jane.

When the doors were closed and the kids were each in their cars, Joyce and Hopper put out their cigarettes. “So, see you around?” he said putting his hands on his pockets. “Yeah, I guess”  Joyce tried to smile but couldn’t hide the hurting. It was too much like a goodbye and she was never good at those.

He was almost turning around when she called from him one last time. Joyce stood on her tip toes to frame his face with one hand and place a little pack on his mouth. Just like old times, under the stairs, between fifth and sixth period.

“Thanks for today.” she whispered near his ear and let him go. Hopper was smiling when he nod, briefly caressing her face in return.

They didn’t say a word walking back to their own cars. And if the children had seen anything, they chose not to comment, for the relieve of the adults, who drove all the way back home thinking about each other.

BONUS:

“Do you think there’s something going on there?” Mike asked when Jane closed the door of the back seat. “Hm?” she said, confused. “There. Between Hopper and Joyce” Mike pointed to the back window and Jane discreetly looked them both talking through the rear-view mirror.

“Something… going on?” Jane asked again a little bit impatient. She hated when the boys talked in codes like that. “Yeah, hum… do you think they more-than-like each other?” the boy explained, turning around on his seat to stare at the window “Like, love?” Jane asked staying in the same position as he was, looking at her father.

Inside the car, the kids could see the two of them putting down their cigarettes and talking awkwardly. Hopper seemed very uncomfortable with the situation and when he was finally ready to leave, Joyce smiled and touched his face before placing a fast kiss in Hopper’s lips.

“OH!” Mike said, his eyes growing big with surprise “I knew it, I KNEW IT! They are totally into each other, did you see that?” “Yeah” Jane said still confused and now a bit shocked. She really didn’t saw that coming. “If things keep on moving like this it means that soon you’ll have a new mom, El!” the boy seated straight to eye her.

“A new momma?” Jane now was more than confused.  She was worried. She already had a mom and liked her very much. She didn’t want to replace her mom just because her mind was lost forever. But on the other hand, Joyce was always very kind to her, they shared a connection since that day in the school when Jane submerged into the upside down to contact Will. She loved Joyce and appreciated everything that she had done for her, but…

“Quick, he’s coming back” Mike poked her so Jane would sit straight like him. “Not a word!” Jane gestured for him to be quiet placing a finger in her lips. Mike just nodded.

“Alright” Hopper said sitting in the driver seat “You guys hungry? Should we pass on a drive thru before home?” “Yeah!” Mike said with excitement “Eggos?” Jane smiled, looking from Mike to Hopper

“Sure, kid” he laughed turning the radio on. Jim spent the whole way to the drive thru humming an old 60’s song and when Jane thought he was distracted enough, she got closer to Mike to whisper in his ear:  “I think Joyce makes him halfway happy”

[tokyoteddywolf]

Even More Russian Antics

ahahahahaha i can’t stop making these :D

updates, how to get kicked out of russia, and i like how they turned out. So have a laugh! (No skaters were harmed in the making of these little pranks. Possibly. Well, what else do you expect from Yurio???)

Enjoy 41-80!

333 Ways To Get Kicked Out Of The Rink And Russia Itself

1. Switch the drinks at the banquet with random condiment liquids.

   Yuuri was more than confused when he went to drink some of the fruit punch and found it was just watery filtered ketchup with lemons thrown in. Yurio was nowhere to be seen.

2. Hit people with pirozhki's.

This backfired on Yurio when Viktor's hair became a victim. He went MIA after said older Russian skater finally caught him….

3. Walk up to some old geezer and yell, “Grandpa! You're alive! It's a miracle!”

Viktor wouldn't stop sulking under the benches in the locker rooms when Yuuri tried this….

4. Dart around suspiciously humming the Mission: Impossible theme song.

Everyone was highly concerned for Phichit's mental state.

5. Buy several dozen fishing rods. Go on the roof and test them out, saying you're fishing for toupees.

Mila caught 35, Yurio got 31, and Georgi won with a staggering 108.

6. Hold Barbie hostage.

Yurio didn't really mind, Otabek was his friend after all. Besides, he quite liked the horrified looks of his fans when the Kazakhstan skater grabbed him as he sped by on his motorcycle.

7. TP as much of the rink as you can.

Nobody suspected innocent Yuuri to be good with his throwing arm, but almost every inch of the rink was covered in toilet paper. Viktor was automatically blamed.

8. Hide in the skate racks. Whenever someone comes to grab a pair, yell “Pick me! Pick me!”

Yuuko was incredibly unimpressed when the triplets pulled this prank on their father. However, hearing Takeshi scream like a child was worth it, and they all got ice cream that night.

9. Dress as Batman and burst into the rink screaming, “Come Robin! To the Batmobile!”

Guang-Hong was just extremely confused at Leo's antics, wondering if all Americans were this weird.

10. Challenge people to duels with wrapping paper.

It was the best birthday yet, in Viktor's opinion.

11. Buy several singing toy Viktor's from Amazon, and once you have them, set them up on the ice and get your friends to turn them on. Proceed to act like a conductor.

Yuuri was actually really good at anything music related. The impromptu concert certainly amused the others.

12. Go up to random people and poke them. If they ask what you're doing, inform them that you're trying to find out what they ate for breakfast.

Georgi got kicked across the room when he tried this on Yurio.

13. Leave cryptic messages all over Instagram as an anon.

Nobody knew Phichit could even scream that loud.

14. Skate around screaming “There's a dead body in here!”

Yakov was unamused at Mila's actions.

15. Go up to the Russian Fairy and say, “Yurio, I am your father.”

It wasn't even remotely funny for Viktor. It just opened up more wounds.

16. Make evil eyes at people and whisper “I am the Lady Of The Well…..i've been waiting...”

Minako's Halloween party was the bomb.

17. Ride around in a Barbie car and pretend to be a posh upperclassman, sipping vodka from a teacup and saying things like “Top hole!” and “By Jove!”

Yuuri should have never let Minako watch Doctor Who.

18. Start dancing like mad. Wave your arms and flop like a fish.

Everyone assumed Yuuri was drunk again. The ensuing dance battle was certainly better than last year.

19. Balance everything you see on the tip of your nose, fingers, on your forehead, and top of your head all while singing the circus song.

Otabek won with 4 water bottles, Yuuri's duffle bag, 5 pairs of ice skates, and Yurio, all while skating circles around Phichit, who was filming the entire thing.

20. Start singing songs through the PA system at the ice arena.

The entire skating crew all joined in on a perfect rendition of Stammi Vicino. The announcers were extremely entertained.

21. Blackmail your friend into giving you a piggy back and have them run around the town, screaming “The Russians are coming! The Russians are coming!”

The next GFP was certainly better prepared after Yuuri and Phichit gave the warning. Though Phichit on Yuuri's back was certainly a weird mode of transport….

22. Take a fishing pole, a bag of money, and go people fishing.

Georgi was still bored, and eventually caught Yurio.

23. Pretend to be Spiderman by running up walls and saving people.

Guang-Hong really had to get Leo to stop watching those superhero movies of his, this was getting ridiculous.

24. Pretend to have an asthma attack, and bite anyone who tries to help you.

Emil went to the doctor after Yurio pulled this stunt in Barcelona… that's what he got for trying to be a nice friend…..

25. Lie on the ground. Just lie there. It's guaranteed to freak people out.

Revenge for the Grampa joke. Yuuri was panicking like crazy when Viktor pulled this stunt after a failed jump.

26. Announce an ice sliding contest. Take off your skates and proceed to do just that.

The game had to stop after Georgi slid too far into the rink wall.

27. Put on a black ski mask and cape and run around declaring “Zorro has returned!”

Nobody was sure where Sara went during the hours when a masked vigilante ran rampant through Russia.

28. Protest against cat abuse.

Nobody knew what the fuck just happened after Yurio ran down the streets, completely drunk and screaming “Run my feline friends! Run!” at the head of a cat stampede.

29. Start a barbershop quartet.

Yuuri, Viktor, Chris and Phichit soon become number one on the charts with their hit song, When Drunk People Dance On Poles.

30. Dress in a trenchcoat and sunglasses, go up to random people, hand them marshmallow guns, and say, “You know what to do.”

Thus started Russia's Marshmallow War 1, thanks to Phichit stealing Viktor's clothes.

31. Go up to random people carrying a paper bag and say “Trick or treat!” When they refuse, give them puppy dog eyes.

Guang-Hong's legendary puppy eyes were something to fear.

32. Cover your hand with blue paint. Run up to someone, put your hand on their face and yell “A clue! A clue!”

Yurio's knife shoes were the talk of the town after JJ tried this on the Russian Fairy and subsequently had to go to the hospital for minor lacerations.

33. Scream really loudly and when someone asks you to be quiet, scream, “I WON'T BE SILENCED!”

Apparently, Yuuri was trying out a new anxiety coping method.

34. Grow out your hair.

Needless to say, Yuuri and Viktor disappeared for a little while once Viktor noticed how long Yuuri's hair had gotten… Yurio was disgusted.

35. Grab a can of whipped cream, find a bald guy, and spray it on him.

Yakov blasted Mila's eardrums for that one.

36. Start singing horrible karaoke.

Nobody's ears were ever the same after Mickey took the mic.

37. Loudly announce that you will be the one to win gold this year.

Yuuri actually didn't care, he just wanted to see the chaos.

38. Go magical creature hunting.

Yurio was unamused at Otabek and Phichit.

39. Run up to someone, slap them, and scream, “WHAT IS THIS?!? I THOUGHT WHAT WE HAD WAS SPECIAL!!!”

Viktor stared after Yuuri in horror, holding his damaged cheek. He was just talking to Chris!

40. Fall over and scream “Ah! The pain! The terrible pain!” When someone asks what's wrong, stand up and say “Nothing, why?” and walk away as if nothing had happened.

Chris just liked making people's days a little more surreal.

41. Dress up as an emo person, and whenever someone talks to you, scream, “WHY HAVE YOU COME TO WORSEN MY MISERY?!?”

“Mila, is Georgi always like this?”

“You'll get used to it, Yuuri.”

42. Host your own radio show.

Phichit and Otabek made a great commentary team.

43. Hide a walkie-talkie somewhere and whisper, “I know where you live.”

Yuuri's scream was worth it, in Yurio's opinion.

44. Run around Russia in a swimsuit singing “Surfin' USA”

Note to self, NEVER LET LEO NEAR THE VODKA. Phichit recorded the whole thing, and Leo became a meme.

45. Look for Narnia.

Viktor thought this was hilarious when he managed to pull a dazed Yuuri out of his wardrobe.

46. Release pigs into the rink labeled 1, 2 and 4.

They lost it when Yurio calmly taped a piece of paper labeled “3” on Yuuri's back.

47. Go on a road trip.

You've seen the official art, why are you asking me?

48. Learn to play the banjo.

Once again, Yuuri dazzled the Russian Crew with his music skills, and the ensuing hoedown inspired a new routine or two.

49. Go mattress surfing.

It was Phichit's idea, and it made Detroit a lot more fun than before, in Yuuri's opinion.

50. Hold a snowball fight.

Yurio was terrifyingly good at this.

51. Sing everything you say, and when questioned, inform them that you're in a musical.

Even Yakov joined in, and Musical On Ice was a huge success.

52. Play Human Dominoes

Otabek's day just got that much better.

53. Crash a party.

Episode 10, anyone?

54. Create a giant conga line.

Jesus, how many fans did JJ have???

55. Have a rap battle.

Nobody knew Otabek could rap that fast, but he did. Very well. He was, however, beaten out by Yuuri.

56. Get a pinata and bust it open.

Yurio had taped JJ's picture on it. It was a great stress reliever.

57. Dress someone up as a chicken.

Minami had no idea what was going on, but he went along with it.

58. Play frisbee on the ice.

It wasn't a problem until they nailed Yakov in the face.

59. Write angsty and gory fanfiction.

Nobody was the same after finding Yuuri's account.

60. Stage a riot.

“WHAT?! YURATCHKA DIDN'T WIN OVER JJ???”

“THOSE BASTARDS!'

“GET THEM!”

61. When someone asks for your help, begin to cry and say, “Why won't you people leave me alone?!”

Everyone was alarmed when Celestino burst into tears every time someone asked him for help on jumps.

62. If a skater with more than one gold medal comes within 30 feet of you, scream “GET AWAY FROM ME!!!” and run out of the area.

Viktor started sobbing when everyone careened away from him, even his beloved Yuuri. JJ was just confused.

63. Glare menacingly and hiss like a pissed off cat whenever someone comes near you.

Yurio had half the town terrified, with the glares, hissing, and raising of a leg with a freshly sharpened knife shoe attached.

64. Cover your face with cream cheese and thunder down the streets of Saint Petersburg chanting “We love bagels! We love bagels!”

Another reason why Yakov needed headache medicine after he forgot the breakfast bagels one time.

65. Run around singing, “I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES!”

Yuuri hid in the lockers, only for the rest of the skater crew to bust down the door, still singing.

66. Dress up like a fairy, climb up a ladder and say to every person that passes by, “Your wish is granted!”

Drunk Yurio is best Yurio, until he started crying when he realized he was afraid of heights.

67. Ride in a Barbie sports car with Barbie in the backseat and say “Let's bust this joint!”

Yurio had to admit, that Viktor certainly had an interesting choice of vehicles to ride in.

68. Wrap a hose around you and scream, “AH! I'M BEING HELD HOSTAGE!”

The scary thing was, Guang-Hong wasn't joking.

69. Walk up to someone and act like you can read their mind, then say, “Sir/Madam… don't do that.”

Yurio was stunned speechless when Otabek told him this just seconds after he had come to the decision of cutting JJ.

70. Hit your head and say, “Shut up in there!”

Everyone was extremely concerned for Yuuri.

71. Act as though you're being beaten and fall to the ground, screaming and having convulsions.

Georgi's performance got a 10/10 rating from the rest of the skaters.

72. Swing on the banners.

Apparently, dance battles were not enough for drunk Yuuri, and soon the “Congrats On The Gold!” banner was ripped on the floor while Yuuri sobbed over his aching bum, and for once it wasn't Viktor's fault.

73. Grab heavy, but not too heavy objects and see who can throw them the farthest.

The game had to be discontinued when Seung-Gil calmly picked up Yurio.

74. Knock over all the tables at the banquet and scream, “EARTHQUAKE! EVERYBODY RUN!!!”

Phichit was having too much fun in California, and scared the living hell out of Leo when he pulled this.

75. Hold a 12 pack of vodka over your head and shout “FEAR ME AND MY ARMY OF ALCOHOL!!!”

Viktor and the Russian gang actually conquered a bit more territory for Russia this way, by invading towns and getting the villagers drunk off their asses.

76. Get popcorn and throw it at people, sneaking up to them unstealthily and screaming war cries.

Russia War 2 commenced when JJ threw the first kernel at Yurio.

77. Try on all of Viktor's old costumes and go to the rink and proceed to do the worst, overly dramatic impression of him you can manage without falling over in laughter.

If Viktor hadn't been laughing so hard at Yuuri and Yurio, he probably would have been lightly offended and possibly crying, but no, it was too funny seeing them flip their hair and say dramatic things in Russian, with Phichit recording everything.

78. Stare at the ceiling. See how many people look up.

Yakov felt immensely proud when he pulled this on his skaters and it worked.

79. Dress up as a ninja and go around karate chopping people.

Mari was quicker than she looked, and the only hint of a warning anyone got before they were chopped was a flash of dirty blonde brown hair and the smell of cigarette smoke.

80. Climb up to a tall place and scream until someone comes. If they try to get you down, scream, “HELP! KIDNAPPER!”

It was funny until Yurio realized he was actually stuck.

[hardcoremollywobbles]

Momma Molly’s Smut-bunny Saviour #1

Here is where I will tell the kiddies to look away, and lock us in this room, so my own children never hear this conversation.  I think Percy would faint.  This lesson, if you couldn’t tell by the title, is not for kids. I have been noticing a set of rising trends in role-play and fan fiction.  Trends that relate to the writing of smut.  Certain words have come creeping into common use, that really do work against the writer, in achieving their desired response from the reader.  I have decided, as an experienced mother of seven, a woman who knows her way around ‘the deed,’ to save you from yourselves.  Here are some tips, to help you on your way. (Examples are drawn from things I have actually seen, so don’t judge me too harshly for them.  Oh, and expect an obnoxious number of et ceteras.) 1) Pay attention to such things as where the chosen word is placed.   There are different rules for where a word might sit in dialog and where one might fall in the narrative (the story being told outside of speech).  If your chosen word is in the narrative, there are far stricter rules on what sounds good. Example: there’s a difference between one bloke telling his mate, “she’s got tits out to here,” and the narrative saying, ‘her tits were very big and bouncy.’   Coarse words, like ass, or any abbreviated word (nips, clit, etc.) have no place in the narrative.  Their only place is in the dialog, if anywhere. 2) Avoid being too clinical.  No one cares if you went to medical school, when you’re writing sex scenes. And no one wants to be reminded of a text book or a corpse, when they’re getting in the mood.  Well, some people do, but necrophiliacs aren’t the majority of your audience.  Avoid directly literal names that you would lift from a text book.  These words sound rough, crass, indelicate, and also very medical (A.K.A. boring). Examples: Vulva, vagina, penis, blood engorged anything (just avoid blood, altogether, unless it’s external- blood drinking is fine), phallus, uterus, anus, colon, cervix, semen, sperm, fluid, arousal, lubrication, clitoris, labia/labial, fold, wrinkle, testicles/testes, appendage, prostate (as in prostate-stabber), muscle/love muscle/life muscle, perineum, organ, limb, etc.  Even member can sound clinical, sometimes. 3) Avoid most short U sounds.  That dreaded uh hangs there, like a mouth about to vomit.  Some of these tend to sound or feel aggressive, as well.  Unwelcoming and sandy.  It turns off a good 60+ percent of your readers, even if they’re too polite to say so.  I’ve developed this theory about the uh sound, and it seems to hold true.   Examples in the flesh: front bum, love tunnel/fun tunnel/cream tunnel, pleasure nub, nub/nubbin (this makes me think of trying to make a vestigial tail or extra nipple erotic), butt, nut(s), fur, fur burger, cunt, smut (funny word, not sexy word), chubby, fuck stem, spunk/spunk trumpet and love trumpet, purple helmet yogurt chucker, vulva (and any of the above that fit the bill), pussy, mushroom/Mr. Mushroom, muff, muffin, humps/lumps (I don’t care if they’re your lovely lady lumps, nothing will make your cases of scoliosis and the mumps sexy, Honey), bulge/bulging, stump, slug (whether in Shell-shedding slug of affection, or When he went down on me, it felt like a slug in a slip-n-slide, there’s no sexiness here), rump, bud (only if you’re desperate for a second clitoris word), button/fuck button (”), junk, jugs, bumper, dumper, cum dumpster, buns, truncheon, rug/rug-muncher, chunky, turgid, etc. Examples in the deed: cum/cummies, nut, bust a nut, hump, pump (less bad than hump), fuck (situationally dependent, not great for narrative), punch, spunk, munch, lunch, bump/bump uglies, nurse and suckle (you’re not a baby), dutch love and titty fuck, chug, tug, rub and tug, slurp, guzzle, gulp, sputter, splutter, fudge packing (don’t draw attention to the feces, unless that’s what your fic is all about, Friend), etc. And never say your dick up-chucked its load.  Please. 4) Not all alliterations are attractive.  I know, it sounds like it can’t be true!  Listen, though.  There is many an alliteration that just falls flat.  Or even if they don’t, they tend to be more funny than sexy. Examples: Pocket rocket (that sounds both small and fast), panty poking, hanky panky, womb groom, tonsil tickler, thrill drill, bologna pony/baloney pony, throb knob, flail nail, gasm chasm, etc. 5) Avoid certain short, flat A sounds. They often sound harsh and unsexy. Examples: Twat (also the American pronunciation of twot is unpleasant), snatch, ass, grab, fat, vag, mack, fanny (either way you mean it), jack, rack, slap (as in slap a tit/slap the sausage), clam/bearded clam (you can refer to the clitoris as the pearl, but don’t call the vagina a clam), yank, wank, crank, gap, gland, spooge cannon, tallywhacker, sack, mams, gag/gagging, stab, etc. 6) Avoid these uncomfortable words: Moist, damp, dank, musky (if it’s his scent, fine, I guess. If it’s a lady’s particular intimate region, die in some fiendfyre), musty, fishy, hairy anything (hairy sounds wild, unkempt, vulgar- there are sexier ways of wording it), weeping, seeping, leaking, dribbling, drip stink, stank, odor (scent or aroma is much better. Trust me.  Even perfume), girth/girthed/girthy, slime/slimy, soggy, spongy, slobbering, liquefied, oozing, fleshy, meaty, turgescent, etc.   7) Genitalia are not interchangeable with animals, unless you’re a bestiac. Words like pussy, beaver, squirrel, and kitty are juvenile. And that’s before you get to camel toe and moose knuckle, dog/hound-dog/crotch dog, dolphin, porpoise, crotch-daschund, snake (and any kind of snake), weasel, worm, flobberworm, the giraffe neck, lizard, trunk, etc. 8) These words may not have been placed in the above categories, but they are just not sexy.  Essentially, if you’d hear it out of a 14 year old boy’s favourite joke, don’t use it.  Those are better for jest than lust.  Here are some examples. -Male anatomy- Non-descript: Dong, ding dong, dingaling, thingy, thing (the thing that rose, the thing that grows, the thing that looks like an exclamation point, and more. Outta call that one an interrobang! But seriously, they are all terrible), pecker, the south pole, wiener, schlong, hard-on, prick (sounds so tiny and portable!), anything with masculine in it (It’s a penis. It doesn’t need to be a camo painted penis for us to get that it belongs to a bloke), wood, peen, manliness/man-ness, package (stimulus, or otherwise), Johnson/John-Thomas (not unless you buy it a monocle), etc. Visuals: man root, stem (so slender!), sausage, lightning rod, silly string shooter, tree trunk, baby’s arm, man meat, baby-maker, meat train, meat tampon, carrot (man or otherwise), boner (that’s a term for mistake for a reason), beef slinky, Mr. Floppy (as in, Mr. Floppy stood at attention), stiffy, lollipop (skinny, with a wonky, fat head?), batter blaster, You-know-what (I don’t need to hear about Voltemort’s erection), fishing pole, pickle/puking pickle, porker, pork or beef anything, leaking crown, knob, noodle/man-noodle, throat spackler, log/leaking log, monster, one-eyed anything, throbbing mass, man-cannon, etc. Basically, it will rarely, if ever, sound good to have man in front of anything.   Twig and berries, meat and two veg... Meat pipe, meat whistle or meat flute. Basically, if it starts with meat, or any kind of meat, just don’t use it.  Really. Balls, coin purse, funbags, punching bags, eggs, danglers, nuggets, spuds/love spuds, kiwis, etc. Many people feel like stalk, dick and cock sound terrible or gross, according to research, so branch out.  Try some new words. Some people feel that weaponry euphemisms are too aggressive, or that they advocate unwanted sexual violence.  Maybe try writing without words like sword and sheath, cannon, missile (and meat missile or heat seeking moisture missile), spear, blade, gun/love gun/rifle/DNA rifle/egg sniper/beef bazooka, ram rod, projectile anything, weapon/pleasure weapon, hammer of anything/warhammer, drill/fucktool, pike, spike and spire (so pointy!), helmeted warrior, mauve avenger, axe and axe wound, reamer, cherry assassin, battering ram, etc. We’re generally not trying to draw blood, here.

-Female anatomy-  Jumbos, titties/tits, boobs/boobies, knockers, funbags, peaches, hooters, tatas, pillows, hood, headlights, melons, sweater puppies, milk sacks, chest balls, etc. Triangular area (way to take the sexuality right out of it), baby-maker, fun factory, snack shack, carpet, cavity (holy, unholy and otherwise), honey-pot, lady town, minge (ginger minge?), gay man’s nemisis (because vaginas are all at war with men that don’t want them? Ridiculous), location, love wallet, hairy checkbook/wallet, mound, flesh mitten, driveway/garage/oven, box, taco, pleasure casino (adding pleasure to something doesn’t make it sexy, ffs), lady garden, letter O, love pocket/cock pocket, hole, sideways smile, downstairs mouth/down south mouth, valve, etc. And, again, I really must mention the ultra violent imagery that calls bleeding to mind, such as  gash, slash, axe wound, love wound, slice, slit/slit of ecstasy, pin cushion, arena/combat arena, missile silo, etc.

Gender-neutral anatomy: poopshoot/poop cavern, rusty bullet hole, Hershey Highway, strata chocolata, chocolate starfish, chocolate hotdog hallway, brown eye, fudge factory, fart factory, etc. Don’t draw attention to the feces, if you want to keep the reader comfortable or into the writing. Back door, rear, hiney, hind quarters, fleshy globes, balloon knot, button, boy pussy/boi pussi, wrinkled or puckered kiss, anal fortress, booty, etc. Narrow alleyway, cock cave, pool of sex/pool of ecstasy, taint, etc. Business, region, vicinity, down there, etc.  Pubes/bed of pubes.  Also, sex/the sex/his sex/her sex.  This one is so vague and so overused.  It’s probably the worst skill-based thing about the writing of Anne Rice. “He put his sex in her sex, and it was sex. Preternatural sex.”  Yeah, I said it. 

Fluids and related terms: toothpaste (even if it’s ‘the toothpaste of love’), juice, spooge (frothy or otherwise), pearl necklace and money shot, jizz, pre-cum, mayonnaise, baby batter/baby gravy (no one should want to think about babies when someone is in the act of release. Seriously), man-milk (remember about just jamming man in there?), protein shake, tadpole yogurt, etc.  And don’t use vanilla for semen, just because of the colour.  I assure you, it doesn’t taste like it.

Other words or terms: she took it like a man (devalues a gender strong enough to deal with periods AND pushing out babies. I’d like to see you try that), popping, grope, pork/porking (funny, not sexy), bone, eating out, handjob/blowjob, gobble, getting your rocks off, getting off, etc. And don’t ever use the words ‘his dick erupted like a zit, spraying its white hot load.’  Ever.  Not least of all because load isn’t a sexy word, and the rest of it is stomach turning.  It was the worst thing I read in a fic for a year. 9) This is how we do it.  Here are some good starter tips, to avoid these clichéd traps and unpleasant expressions: - Stretch your vocabulary.  Explore new words and phrases. Create something original. - Try to think of the story you’re telling, and the characters in it.  Would they think in a direction that aligns with your narrative?   - Try to think of how the words you chose will inform your reader(s) about your feelings or your character’s feelings.  Are your words devaluing the other character(s)?  Are your words treating said character(s) as one would an object?  Is that your intent, as the story teller? - Remember foreplay. - Try to consider what responses feel real or true. - Think about the actual physics involved.  What things would cause stresses on the body, and where?  How would this impact the movements that your character(s) enact?  Sex isn’t a clean and harmless activity, if it’s rough, for example. So, here goes busting some myths, for the purposes of delivering helpful information.          If you’re holding someone up against a wall, there’s going to be limited ranges of certain movements.  You will probably bang your knees.  If you’re holding someone up, you probably won’t be able to get a hand between the two of you, to fiddle with anyone’s bits, or up, to pull anyone’s hair.  You would need an extra hand for that.  Also, it’s important to note that your character will probably only have two hands.          If you’re penetrating, that singular entry will probably not be a seamless thrust to your hilt.  You’ve got to push or slide that thing in.  Thrusting tends to come later, Sport.              And speaking of ‘come later,’ simultaneous orgasms are rare, and usually involve some tantric discipline.  You’re not going to nail that, each time.  And I’d be surprised if it happened on anyone’s first time.  Gents who slip it in that first time will probably shoot off too soon, and that’s normal and okay.            Homosexual males don’t tend to use melted butter for intercourse, and no, blood does NOT make a good lubricant.  Also, gay fics have way too much anal penetration.  Yes, you heard me.  In most cases, a homosexual couple will tend towards more oral sex and foreplay, because if they were all only doing anal it would a) get boring fast, and b) cause a lot of unnecessary soreness.  You need to balance those things, in a meaningful relationship fic.  I get that not every character interaction involves care, but where it does, learn a little balance.           Speaking of balance, when writing BDSM fics, remember the importance of aftercare. Read about it. Learn about it.  It’s a big part of a BDSM relationship. I know that this is a bit rushed and disorganized, but I really hope that you find it helpful.  

[animalssecrets]

7 Times Chris Pratt Was the Wellness Coach We All Need

7 Times Chris Pratt Was the Wellness Coach We All Need

Chris Pratt has the quintessential rags-to-riches story: From living in a van on Maui to walking the red carpet, he’s seen it all. But through the hardship and success, he has managed to stay humble, playful and easy-going. That may be why he can so effortlessly tear down stereotypes about men and wellness, inspiring all of us to practice self-care, set boundaries and, generally, take it easy. Ready to do wellness like a champion (or rather, a Star-Lord)? Read on for our favorite Chris Pratt wellness moments!

1 When He Made Facials a Thing

Chris Pratt’s glowing skin isn’t just a product of good genes. In a hilarious videoposted to his Instagram account, followers came face-to-face with the 38-year-old getting a facial. “In the spirit of Christmas, it’s important to know how much better it feels to give than to receive,” he says, joking about giving his longtime hair and makeup artist Bridget Brager the opportunity to give him a facial.

Licensed aesthetician and beauty expert Gregory Dylan, owner of Gregory Dylan Beauty, has been in the skin care industry for more than 20 years. He notes that he’s seen a recent increase in men, including nonactors, who are interested in skin health. “There’s a little bit of an epiphany that overall for skin health and well-being is more than something that our moms or our girlfriends used to do. Everyone has evolved past that stereotype.”

2 When He Opened Up About Emotional Eating and Body-Image Issues

While women tend to be the ones who share experiences with disordered eating, Pratt opened up about his own struggles with body image during a 2014 press conference. “I’m sure I can’t relate to what females go through in Hollywood. But I do know what it feels like to eat emotionally and … to be sad and make yourself happy with food,” he says. “And then to be almost immediately sad again and now ashamed and then to try to hide those feelings with more food. It’s a vicious cycle, and it’s a very real thing.” Pratt proves that anyone can be affected by emotional eating. Feel like you can relate? Trytracking your eating habits in a food journal so that you can identify your triggers and know when to fight back.

3  When He and Anna Faris Attempted Couples’ Therapy

Although Chris Pratt and Anna Faris recently separated after eight years of marriage, the former couple worked through hardships in the healthiest possible manner. Back in August a source told People that the two had started couples’ counseling to learn how to co-parent their son, 5-year-old Jack.

Licensed marriage and family therapist, couples counselor and relationship expert Allen Wagner explains that in situations like this it’s important for parents to have ongoing, long-term collaboration. “Some separated parents will experience tremendous amounts of guilt for their child, which can make limit-setting inconsistent, at best,” he says. “Many separated couples will turn to their children as confidants as they seek empathy at the expense of their partner, and this, too, will have negative long-term consequences. Having a safe space to work out awkwardness while remaining proactive is helpful for parents.”

4 When His On-Set Snacks Were a Nutritionist’s Dream

To maintain his shredded physique while filming “Jurassic World 2,” Chris Pratt had to practice heroic amounts of self-control. In true and hilarious Pratt fashion, he used Instagram as a food diary, popping in with periodic “What’s My Snack” segments. The crush-worthy actor got creative with his healthy bites, which included sashimi, a cucumber egg wrap and a cacao, baobab, banana and chia seed shake. According to “Guardians of the Galaxy” co-star Karen Gillan, Pratt is also a fan of almond butter with an apple or banana between takes. Delicious!

5  When He Shut Down Body Shamers

Chris Pratt’s “What’s My Snack” videos were meant to poke fun at celebrities' diets. Nevertheless, some Instagram users took the opportunity to focus on Pratt’s weight. The actor used it as an opportunity to raise awareness about male body shaming

“So many people have said I look too thin in my recent episodes of #WHATSMYSNACK,” the star writes on Instagram. “Just because I am a male doesn’t mean I’m impervious to your whispers. Body shaming hurts.” And, in true Chris Pratt style, the “Jurassic Park” actor slid a light-hearted joke into the PSA: a photo of a giant dinosaur skull. “To prove my security in the way I look I’m posting a current selfie of me at what I consider a very healthy weight. 500 lbs. Zero percent body fat.”.

6  When He Gave Inspiring and Realistic Weight-Loss Advice

Before there was Star-Lord, there was Andy Dwyer from “Parks and Recreation.” And who could help but notice that between the two roles Pratt dropped a staggering 60 pounds? Unlike other celebs who are known for their drastic body transformations — we’re looking at you, Christian Bale — Pratt went at his own pace.

“Six months seems like a long time unless you’re looking backwards,” he tells Self. “All you have to do is just a few things everyday and remain consistent, and time will fly just as fast as it flies if you’re working hard or not. If you just cut the crap out of your diet, and if you spend an hour a day doing something physical that will make you sweat, six months will pass by, you will feel better mentally, physically, spiritually — it all is tied together.” If that doesn’t sound doable, we don’t know what does.

7  When He Set Boundaries Between Himself and His Fans

If you ever see Chris Pratt in person, don’t ask for a selfie. While he cares for his fans, maintaining a sense of normalcy often comes at a price. For Pratt, it’s having to say no to pictures. “I have to be economical with my time,” he tells Cigar Aficionado. “If I go out and want to do normal things, I have to be comfortable disappointing people. I just don’t take pictures with people. Because that’s not about enjoying the moment; it’s about stealing the moment to brag about later.” The star compensates by offering his fans handshakes.

Everyone can benefit from staying present, which has been shown to lower anxiety, boost our connection with those around us and interrupt negative self-talk. We’d sacrifice a selfie with Pratt any day if it meant he could reap those benefits.

7 Times Chris Pratt Was the Wellness Coach We All Need from Blogger https://ift.tt/2KyYAwu 7 Times Chris Pratt Was the Wellness Coach We All Need via Animals Secrets https://ift.tt/2KyYAwu

[swipestream]

Should ALL Dungeons Be Five Room Dungeons?

After having read several great articles on Mike Shea’s blog, I picked up his book The Lazy Dungeon Master. It’s a fast read, and worth the $5.99 asking price, (It’s around 60 pages and mostly about common things DMs spend a lot of time prepping that they don’t need to and how to streamline them, supported by a pretty cool survey he collected about DMing.) In his book, Mike talks about the minimal level of prep required for locations and gives (among others) this example location:

The Saltmines: Former center for the town’s industry, now closed down when they found a dark power buried deep within. Leads from Yellowtop to Ashland Fortress.

What the book doesn’t discuss, and what I was curious about, is how exactly, using Mike’s “lazy” method, one goes about mapping and populating a location like this that has the potential to be the proverbial “twisty little passages, all alike“. So, I emailed Mike and asked how he handled that type of location.  He very quickly got back to me and I asked for his permission to share here. Here’s an excerpt: (Link to his product is mine, not his):

On the Lazy Dungeon Master and maps.

If the characters are going to explore a dungeon-type setting, I’ll usually try to steal and reskin a map to fit the situation. Either that or I’ll sketch a very rough stick-figure map that shows how locations are connected.

Since writing the Lazy Game Master I focused a fair bit of time on the idea of building “fantastic locations”. These are the interesting places that characters discover in their journeys and can be connected by various caves, tunnels, or passages. To me, the overall dungeon isn’t as interesting as the individual interesting locations in that dungeon so I tend not to let them get too complicated.

… There might be five fantastic locations in the cove interconnected by natural water-carved caves. Each location will have a name and three interesting traits (or “aspects”) that the characters can investigate or use if there’s a battle. Here are some examples:

The Tentacle Pillars: Huge stone tentacles that appear to pierce out of the ground; sinkhole that leads into the tunnels below; old octopus statue sitting on a pedestal that appears very old.

The Weeping Caverns: Stone caverns eaten away by streams of saltwater; carvings of strange symbols on the walls; illuminated shells of phosphorescent mollusks.

The Nursery: Submerged oily pool filled with psychic baby octopuses; large channeling crystal piercing down from the ceiling; chained screaming madman on the wall.

Those three come to mind but its early and I can’t think of three more at the moment. Hopefully you get the idea =)

If you poke around on Sly Flourish for more discussions of Fantastic Locations you’ll find more about it including the book of 20 locations I wrote around these ideas.

Hope that answers your questions. …

Mike

The two approaches that Mike offers are good ones: swipe a map from elsewhere, or reduce a big complicated complex to a five room dungeon with “you travel east for a while, through a maze of tunnels until you come across . . . “. I don’t have much to say about the first one, except to point everyone to my favorite site for random dungeon generators. But the second suggestion about reducing a big complex to a five room dungeon with handwavey bits between rooms has made me think quite a bit.

You see, I’m not sure I’m quite ready to give up my twisty mazes full of empty rooms, red herrings, and minor treasures just yet.

Maybe it’s nostalgia for the afternoons of lonely fun (which I have just amusingly learned is now called a game’s “solitaire component“) and gold box CRPGS, maybe it’s just me perpetuating the same skinner boxes of my youth where poking into nooks and crannies of maze like passages eventually resulted in a handful of GP until they could be traded in for a new breastplate, but to me half the fun of RPGs is skulking down damp passageways, ransacking moldering garbage heaps and searching areas where the map is weird in hopes of finding secret doors.

Maybe the answer lies somewhere in between the two. In one of his “MegaDungeon Monday” articles, The Angry GM discusses the “encounter space” which by his definition is a piece of the dungeon in which all inhabitants work as a unit. So if you have the stacks of a great library with study cubbies and there’s a wight in the stacks and skeletons in the cubbies, but engaging with the wight will alert the skeletons and they will open the cubby doors and surround the PCs, that’s an encounter area.

This middle ground definition allows for a bit of both worlds. You can create just a handful of encounter areas, each with something interesting in it, but you still get the nooks and crannies to explore, because each encounter area (most anyway) is comprised of a handful of rooms, some of which are interesting, some of which are not, some of which hold secrets and treasure, some of which don’t etc . . .

But, how much exploring and poking about in otherwise uninteresting space to do is really a secondary concern. Because the trivial answer is that you should do only as much of it as is interesting. Uninteresting exploration of uninteresting space is a waste of time and should be avoided. I have indeed played in games where no one did much exploring and if there was space that wasn’t an active encounter, paused only long enough to say: “I loot the room.”, toss off a search check, and move on. It may just be selective memory, but the reason for this was that exploration in these games was boring. Rooms were just a collection of squares, sometimes from a battle map, tiles, or a software program, description was minimal and there was the feeling that if a room contained a statue or a desk it was because it was filler, not because it may have been something interesting to interact with.

So the bigger question is, how do you make exploration interesting, even of areas that aren’t inherently interesting themselves? While I don’t claim to be an expert, there are a few tips I can give:

Grid maps are counter productive: Grid maps are great for combat, but shitty for exploration gameplay, which is good because it implies that there’s not a lot of reason to painstakingly map areas that you want players to explore, only combat encounters (and if one turns into the other that a very simple map with walls and features of interest is sufficient). Players will naturally imagine areas you describe verbally, in ways that they will not when presented with pictures, and it’s very easy to ad lib and add as much detail as you can improvise with verbal descriptions, which is not the case with drawings.

Pick a few adjectives: Part of the draw of exploration is immersion, which is enhanced by good description (in fact, a quick search of the stew shows we’ve written articles about using sensory cues to describe things no less than a half dozen times). In this case, I suggest giving a few seconds of thought to the traits of an area (a dungeon as a whole is fine, but you can break it down further if it warrants) and make a back of the envelope (3×5 card) list. Refer to this list often and weave a few of the traits into every description. If that library above is “crumbling” you can describe the collapsing shelves, the piles of tumbled books that fall apart at a touch, the dust in the air. If instead it’s “flooded” you can describe the mold crawling up the shelves, the ankle deep black water with floating piles of mush that may once have been books, and the warped damp pages.

There have to be successes,especially early ones: This goes back to that skinner box I mentioned earlier. Even if you explicitly tell your players that searching and exploring will net secrets and treasure, if they meet with no success while doing so, they’ll stop. On the other hand, even a few small successes will have them searching under the cushions of every moldy couch they find. Of course these finds have to be of value. Finding a handful of coins is (should be) of value to low level characters, but the same isn’t true for high level ones. As such, it’s fine to have these caches be money, but it’s equally useful to hide secret paths, maps, clues and items of strange origin, as well as items which do little except establish flavor, all of which will retain value through characters’ careers. Consider having a small table of incidental loot that can be found in each large area so this is easy to do off the cuff.

So I put it to all of you, because I’m not sure what the end conclusion is. Is poking into nooks and crannies, riffling through the pockets of ancient moldering coats, and sifting through dungeon trash heaps a valid and fun play style or am I biased and it’s more fun to hop between big set pieces? If it is a compelling play style, what are your best tricks to keep it fun and interesting? Like I said above, I’m not the expert on this, so I’d love to hear everyone’s thoughts and techniques.

Should ALL Dungeons Be Five Room Dungeons? published first on http://ift.tt/2zdiasi

[arieltaylorpatterson]

A Scathing Review of: Seat 13A, JetBlue flight 646 JFK --> LAX

A Scathing Review of: row 13, JetBlue flight 646 JFK —- > LAX

It begins, like all classic tales do, with a woman. And what a woman she is.

We’ll call her Joan. 13A seems dreadfully impersonal (‘life ruiner’ does too).

I would like to pause here and say while this woman strikes me as a Joan, it is not because she has ANYTHING in common with the Joan I know, thank heavens. Love you Grandma!

’Joan’ in 13A has “had it”. In fairness, we’ve been sitting on the runway for 45 minutes. No progress made after the initial pullback, no status updates. No crackly loudspeaker mention of the obvious delay, followed by vague promises of time ‘being made up in the air’. Joan sighs with exasperation. Her lung capacity impresses me. She sighs again.

“I have HAD it. I am NOT HAPPY.”

I feel bad for Joan. Clearly she lacks The Gift.

(The Gift, for all of you living your lives in the dark, is the innate ability to fall asleep anywhere, at any time, with exceptional speed and commitment.)

I do not lack The Gift. I have The Gift in spades. I have The Gift so hard I fell asleep placing my stylish and slightly impractical ivory suitcase in the overhead compartment. Related - - I do not recommend white luggage. More later.

Back to Joan — I think I’ve mentioned she’s had it? I realize quickly I have slept through several of her proclamations. She turns to her husband.

“Hello. Do you hear me? I have HAD it.”

Don (he seems Don-esque) in 13C seems like a nice enough guy. He’s got a hearing aid and slicked back gray hair with a very high hairline. His eyebrow hairs are very long and he wears a fleece pullover. He seems practical. From what I can see of his jawline, he looks kind. I bet he used to be super into camping.

Blearily, I look out the window. We are on the ground. I look at Chris, my wonderful, handsome boyfriend.  His eyes are glued shut. He is either asleep or hiding from me.

“I’ve HAD it. Nuh-uh. No sir. This is just absurd.”

Don with the hearing aid nods vigorously. I cannot yet tell if this is his chosen method of wife-pacification or if he hasn’t the foggiest what she’s saying.

At this point, they begin discussing the pitfalls of travel. I say they but really, it’s all Joan. Good old Joan. Joan has “REALLY had it now.” and also doesn’t understand why they “go on all of these godfuuhhsaken trips.”

This leads me to the vocal quality of Joan. She’s got one of those voices. To describe it as piercing would be perhaps giving it too much credit. It is not a clear, bell-like tone. It does not cut  or slice so much as cheese grate. (Or maybe spiralize if you’ve spent too much time on Pinterest and are trying to avoid the dairy farts I don’t know I’ve heard that’s a thing no first hand knowledge or anything I love dairy so does my GI tract)

Joan has really had it. In fact, she announces this again. She’s had it and, to be honest, finds this whole thing absurd. Not a mention of a delay? I mean really.

She is over 60, with big plastic sunglasses on. It’s bright. I get it. She wears lots of jewelry, the kind that sparkles and bangs into each other on different parts on her body. Her perfume is strong. I have a little bit of a headache — wonderful foreshadowing for the next six hours.

Speaking of, our plane takes off. It is eerily quiet; save for Joan’s dulcet tones.

“Well thank fuuuhhcking gawd”.

This makes me giggle. I’m with you girl. Maybe I’ve read her wrong. Maybe we’ll have a great repartee. Maybe I’ll be so inspired by our relationship I’ll write a sitcom about it. The future is bright, chickens.

Trouble begins again when our plane hits a little turbulence as we climb.

“I hate this.”

Joan, angel, me too.

I glance at my boyfriend again. His eyes are no longer glued shut but he is maybe still hiding from me.

A handsome, slightly bored looking flight attendant makes his way down the aisle. Joan, my benevolent queen, announces to the plane at large that she “NEEDS A VODKA.”

I am amused. The flight attendant is amused. We’re going to have a great time. He asks her if she’s like anything with it.

“ICE.”

Don, bless him, orders one as well.

The flight attendant returns shortly and hands them two mini bottles of Tito’s. It is at this moment I notice Joan still has her sunglasses on. Her stock falls, slightly.

“Dammit. I can’t open this. I can’t open this. HELLO CAN SOMEONE HELP ME OPEN THIS.”

The handsome/bored flight attendant reappears. He quips something fun about ‘if you can’t open it you can’t drink it’. I laugh. Don laughs. Joan does not laugh.

The first vodka is poured. The first vodka quickly disappears. Joan wants another.

“I want anothuhh vodka.”

Don, the sweet thing, hears her. But, alas, doesn’t move quickly enough. As he struggles to reach the service button overhead, Joan takes matters into her own hands.

“HELLO I NEED ANOTHER VODKAAAA”

The plane at large is now painfully aware of Joan’s drink order. A second bottle of Tito’s materializes quickly. She knocks that one back too. It is at this point she seems to settle into her movie of choice (Sisterhood of The Traveling Pants; a classic. She kind of seems like a Tibby. But maybe a Carmen? Who knows.)

I find JetBlue to be a fabulous airline. I have free wifi, a plethora of snacks, and Manchester By The Sea, the ultimate plane-movie. There is, however, one large shortcoming. On JetBlue planes, the controller to your personal screen is built into the armrests — right where your elbows rest when you’re sitting like a normal human person. I have turned off my television several times. I have nearly blown out the eardrums of my unsuspecting neighbors by inadvertently leaning on their volume control. It’s not great.

Poor Joan. Joan never stood a chance. She reclines, hitting her remote control with her elbow. The screen goes black. Joan gasps, hollers, and then being frantically poking the screen. After several harrowing moments of dark, her screen alights. We have Sisterhood! Tragically, in her frantic poking, she hit the fast forward button. She doesn’t recognize the scene. Carmen’s in some kind of a horrible dress? I would call the color dusty rose, but that’s just me.

Joan gasps again. She screams. Then, she slaps the screen in front of her. Hard. Full palm. The seat bounces forward, and 12A is rudely awoken from a nice looking nap.

“I HATE THIS. I HATE IT. THIS IS THE WORST. We don’t need tuh live like this. I’m never doing this again. I don't care if we spend every penny we have. I’ll pawn the jewelry. I’ll PAWN IT AWWWLL.”

Joan has not embraced life in Coach yet, but she quickly screams for another vodka. Maybe #3 will lessen the stings of finding yourself an every(wo)man?

Hours pass, as do the Tito’s bottles. She has found inner peace, thanks to vodka #6 and the DIY network. She holler/grumbles now and then, comparing the experience to ‘hell itself’ and ‘a greyhound bus’.

“Alright, Susan. Stop aggravating everybody. You’re embarrassing me.”

Don has taken the bait at last. And, hold up, SUSAN??!

I drift away to sleep, turning Boyfriend Chris into Human Pillow Chris. As the tinkling sound of vodka hitting ice in a plastic cup lulls me to sleep, I ponder the worth of Joan/Susan’s jewelry and, indeed, life itself.