#the person this is meant for doesn't have tumblr so idk why im making this

[hermitcraftx]

just got a dm abt one of my posts and y'all please don't try and show the hermits (or any minecraft youtuber or content creator for that matter) my posts, i'm uncomfortable with it and don't want any of my posts shown to a cc. if they stumble upon it naturally that's unfortunate but i can live with it since i do maintag a lot (something i REALLY need to stop doing tbh i already know i need to make a tagging system just for my blog that wont clog results) but going out of ur way to show a cc is entirely different and something i am not comfortable with.

no hate to the person at all but even if i wasn't a little silly and weird with it sometimes i wouldn't be comfortable with it, i want my blog to be a purely fandom only space with none of the creators involved <3 please respect this

[uglycryinglawyer]

heyyy tumblr,

class of 2024 law student here. no offense but you know things are bad when i take it to tumblr. law school really does something to your psyche and i hate to say it but despite this whole movement on social media to be more transparent, i don't believe anyone will be completely honest about their experience when their words can be traced back to them. being believable as 100% genuine & honest while being anything less than to followers that cling to every syllable of yours does more damage than good imo.

ill start this page with some honesty that i would label as a 6/10 on the "how embarrassed would i be if someone from my post-grad job were to see this" scale i just made up.

my first semester i felt like the smartest version of myself i had ever been because i got 1 online award from a fake company (seriously what business does this "computer-assisted legal education" company have hosting awards for schools around the country & why are they receiving our grades to begin with) for having the highest grade in my class. mind you, this company/award is not at ALL affiliated with my school, its literally made up. but its something that is made PUBLIC (as in if you knew my name you could google me and this stupid award shows up), and so many schools still acknowledge it to, idk, create further divisions between students that i guess the whole system of making everyones grades 100% based on their finals and curved (not in a good way) doesn't do enough for?

now here i am, having finished my 6th semester & walked the commencement stage a few days ago ugly crying over a grade because i might have just lost my honors status. when in actuality .... ~ kim, there are people that are dying ~ why does any of this matter?? this is what 6 semesters of slowly having your confidence in your own intelligence chipped away at does to a person.

its not over yet though - bar prep starts last week :). actually it starts on may 20th officially, but no ones being honest about the fact that they really started studying the day after their finals ended, if not earlier.

so i've decided to document my experience for you all here. with bar prep & my foray into big law (you know this field was meant for babies because that's what we unsarcastically call a career at a top law firm) on the horizon, & 6 semesters of pure chaos behind me, i have a lot to say!

im not sure who this is going to reach because, again no offense tumblr, but i doubt this site has the reach it once did. maybe this will just end up being a time capsule for myself, which i would love. or maybe this will help 1 person cope, which i would love even more.

regardless, if you read this far, thank you & tttys. going to throw some random hashtags in now don't mind me.

[stychu-stych]

I know that by definition we will probably never get anything out of the "not meant for social media" narilamb pile, but that doesn't mean Im not deadly curious about it, like I want to know so bad it makes me look stupid

Plus I'll forever wander how bad it is. Is it just too embarrassing to share? Is it 'mildly bad and insane, but not enough to not have at least 10 to 20 different fics on AO3 with those same hcs' bad? Is it 'so bad that you CAN'T find it on AO3 of all places' bad? Secret kink you don't want to share with the internet (very valid tbh)? Secret third (technically fifth) thing??? I want to knooooow /hj /sillygoofy

Dhdhdhhd that post is kinda old, I put it on my tumblr when I was more afraid of posting things on the internet. Especially when a lot of people started to follow me in a very short period of time. Everytime I posted something more gore-ish or suggestive I've got reported and sometimes my posts were deleted (mostly on tiktok and instagram). I still don't know if that was just one person doing that or bunch of them, or I was some algorithm lottery winner djdbhdh Maybe people expected something different looking at my artstyle (I know it can be described as "cute") and they were mad when I started posting something else? Idk idc really but it was pain in the ass

I also heard a couple of times from not anonymous people that if I create something about toxic relationships (arts, headcanons etc.) that means I support this kind of behavior. Or "romanticize" is a better word. Some of them changed their mind and apologized so we're good now but still I've received so many of comments like this that I started to carefully select what I want to put on the internet and what I want to put into the closet

But it's better now, I'm not that scared of social media like I used to be, I'm also on therapy and it's going great (not only but mostly because of my growing visibility on social media that was scary for me at that time. Never really talked about that with anyone outside my close friends, this is the first time I'm talking about it publicly. Also don't worry, I'm getting better now 💖)

My headcanons are mostly about narilamb relationship that is super toxic, I'm just really into psychology, emotions and why people behave in some certain way. About hurting each other, being jealous, manipulating and controlling. I just like to analyze why brain can work like that and what has to happen for someone to make them act like that. And I like to put all of that in fictional characters

So yeah, now I think that my headcanons aren't that bad, people are just assholes jdbdhdh I'll probably post more about my Narilamb relationship, I just need to find some straight to write it *sob* And I'm not the strongest soldier if we talk about writing, especially in english sjdhdh but I'll try my best 💪

[captainnait]

Go ahead, infodump about Bob from Headrush. No one is stopping you

3:11 pm, 5/20/2024

You will not believe how big of a smile I got when I first saw this ask 😭😭 Like I'm genuinely so happy to talk about him, thank you,,,

Anyway, you don't need to ask me twice 💥

(Yeah, a lot of rambling under the cut, hehe)

— One of my favorite canon facts about Bob is that he REALLY hates emoticons. He mentions it two times: one time in a question, where he refuses to read out loud the category name, that is just an emoticon, and instead just calls it "that. . . thing" or smth, and the other time is in the "Don't be afraid to express your emoticons" Headrush category, where he just straight up tells players to be cautious of people who use emoticons 😭

Either he had a terrible experience with someone who used emoticons. . . Or his old man brain just doesn't understand them. Or both idk.

— I don't know if it's just an Andy Poland thing or not (it's probably is, but still—), but I just really like the way he can change up his voices so quickly. My man can literally go from "uwu im so silly" type of voice to LITERALLY the most brutal and manliest voice imaginable in just a span of a few seconds, and I think that's INCREDIBLE.

If we talk about Bob specifically though, I really like how silly his voice sounds at the end of the round, when he says "bye-bye" or other similar to that lines. It just makes me giggle, okay,,

— I don't remember the full context behind this image and the question it is from, but. Yeah. Huh.

[For some reason Tumblr just doesn't let me put this image in, but it just a screenshot of the game with red words written on the screen, saying "Bob has a "thing" for Barney"]

It's also pretty funny, since a few rounds later I got another Barney question ("Even Purple Dinosaurs Have to Die... Someday"), and Bob didn't sound really amused by it lol

— There are a lot of lines in the game, where Bob jokes/admits that he feels pretty lonely and/or isolated, which is very interesting, considering that he doesn't seem as a very introverted person or someone who doesn't go outside much.

I don't have any specific speculations on why he is like that, but I think (headcanon, I guess) that it's something that he grow up feeling like and, perhaps, still haven't grown out of it.

— In "None of the Smoke & All of the Cancer", Bob says that he finds smoking to be "sexy". It isn't very clear whether if he meant it as a joke or not, so. Eh.

— A lot of people said it way before me, but. . . This man has major dog vibes. Like, I can't pin down specific things that make me think like that. It's— It's just the overall vibe I get from him lol

— I'm pretty sure I've seen someone already make a post about it (I'm not sure though), buuuut it's pretty fascinating to me how little sexual interest Bob shows in women (compare to other hosts in the series, at least) and how little he cares for "mushy" stuff in general, valuing friendship/platonic bonds a lot more.

This probably could stem from what type of game Headrush is, since it's aimed for a younger audience - teens, who probably don't really care about love in that young age. But yeah, just an interesting thing to thinking about while in a shower.

— His relationship with Old Man is pretty weird, because he both shows extreme violence and, yet, somehow, some type of respect towards him? Like, there are moments were he shouts, yells and doesn't mind kicking Old Man for his annoying shenanigans, maybe even having a way easier time with it than other hosts. But then there are a few rare moments, where he actually doesn't mind Old Man at all and would even listen to his stories with a genuine interest.

Of course it's not something completely new to the series, but it is also makes me fairly curious, since I feel like this is the game where we get to see a lot of Old Man's personality and how he influences those around him (in the case of this game (99% of it) - Bob lol)

. . . That's it, ig. For now, i feel satisfied)

I also would really like ranting about Milan and his weirdly homoerotic relationship with Bob, buuut I need to get all the TTwM clips first, so. Yeah. That'll have to wait 💥

[gecko-with-a-greatsword]

saw someone else to this so im plaguing my mutuals with this

free pass to ramble about literally any topic!!! i wanna hear about the things you like

ok I know you said things I like but I'm actually going to take this opportunity to rant about The Lorax (2012) because I have a lot of thoughts about why I hate this movie. Thank you for the ask :)

idk how coherent this will be and this might get long sorry

By the way no judgement to anyone who likes this movie or to the onceler fuckers, these are just my opinions. So to start off, I feel like the lorax story did not lend itself well to the animated kids movie formula. It probably would've been better as some sort of short film or something. And I know Dr Seuss was, like, racist and stuff but the lorax had a pretty good message. And in making the movie I feel like they muddled that message a lot.

So like I said, the story didn't fit the vibe, so to make it work as a kids movie they added an entire other plotline outside of the actual story. They expand upon both the world and the child hearing the story, and I have a problem with both of these. It seems like they were trying to make the town have that whimsical feel that other movies based on Seuss stories have, but personally, I don't think it works for the Lorax. Reading the story you get a sense that the world is desolate and barren. It feels pretty dystopian. In the movie that's only the area where the onceler lives and outside of that is a pretty nice looking town. Sure they have no trees, and are being scammed by some shitty CEO but it's a society with lots of people, who don't seem to feel like anything's wrong. And considering that it's a movie for children, I think the things that make it feel dystopian are too subtle. And you could argue that it was intentionally made to feel like real life, as some sort of commentary or something, but again I think kids won't pick up on that.

Moving on to the kid voiced by zac Efron, (I don't remember his name and I don't really care) I think in the story the kid is meant to be a stand in for anyone, like it doesn't matter who he is because it's meant to be you, reading the story. So making this kid a more fleshed out character was not something I would've done in the first place. Furthermore this kid doesn't even think anything's wrong. He's just motivated by the girl he likes saying she wishes she could see a tree! and that's kind of all he cares about which makes me feel like at that point why isn't she just the main character? (also side it was a weird choice to make her be so much older than him.) Basically I didn't care about any of this, they should have left out the entirety of this outside plot.

Anyway, moving on to the actual important part of the story, we have to talk about the onceler. And I think the main issue with the onceler is that they humanized him too much. Obviously in the picture book you don't really see his face, and reads like much more of a creature. I also believe that there was early concept art of the onceler where he was a lot more creature-y but obviously in the movie he ended up as just a guy. And you could argue that this makes sense because in real life it is humans who are at the root of all the things destroying the environment, but the onceler isn't meant to represent one person, he's meant to represent the companies and corporations. And I don't think the whole tumblr sexyman thing was necessarily their fault because I don't think that was intentional or that they could've forseen that, but it's kind of a testament to the fact that he is too sympathetic a character. And I guess that might be sort of the root of my problems with the movie, that everything feels too personal to be as allegorical as the original story feels. Oh yeah also the deleted song "Biggering" is actually really good and in my opinion would have worked much much better than how bad can i be or whatever. I feel like there's a lot more I could say and i'm probably forgetting a bunch of stuff but I'm kind of losing steam and I've already written a ton so I'll leave it at that I guess. I'm not rereading this lol I hope it's at all comprehensible and if anyone reads this whole thing sorry :P oh and DISCLAIMER I haven't watched this movie in a while or read the story so this was just me talking out my ass if I got something wrong or said anything stupid, whoops 🤷🏽

[hella1975]

idk how valuable this is because maybe you showcase your personality differently on the internet than real life etc etc but I meant it when I said you're really passionate and I can tell how much you love things and people and the world and you are funny and kind and I have never once thought you to be cold or unfeeling or uncaring it is very much the opposite to me and some of my happiest moments on tumblr are talking to you<33 don't let your mom and her issues drag you down. she is likely projecting her own feelings onto you and she doesn't know what's going to drive your friends away because she is your mom not one of us. as your friend I can confidently say your personality is awesome I am not being driven away!! love you<3333

i appreciate you saying this <3 like this is really touching for the same reason it's one of the things that frustrates me most about this whole thing, bc the way i am on tumblr with the weird fixations and the rambling and the writing and the humour etc etc - that's ME. that's who i am and people love me on here for it. like even i can acknowledge that somehow im decently popular and it's for the realest version of me ive ever given anyone. like you guys know shit about me that my mum or closest friends dont even know. that's pretty fucking cool! that's so reassuring to know that at the end of the day, the me buried under all this mess is LIKEABLE. but then how do i get out of the mess. in real life i cant get the words out. affection sits on my tongue and it's like i physically cannot spit it out. it makes me uncomfortable, awkward, mean. that isn't likeable. it isn't me either, and that's why when i get written off as unfeeling im just. so so upset becuase im NOT. i KNOW im not. it's only bad days where i truly question it but most of the time i know im not an unfeeling person! im very fucking passionate! i feel everything too much! but no one fucking sees it and it's taking me too long to learn to translate it so im just. stuck here until it clicks one day and it's so so annoying

[sheepinthebigcity]

okay fine. ALL OF THEM. GO.

YOU'RE INSANE (am i even in that many fandoms)

the character everyone gets wrong

mad ducktor. enough said

2. a compelling argument for why your fave would never top or bottom

i'm presuming they meant dom or sub in this regard anyway i feel like all my faves are like lame ass switches and honestly i am SO tired of seeing them as always dom. boring behavior.

3. screenshot or description of the worst take you've seen on tumblr

honestly i'm just tired of seeing takes in 2023 about my girl faves and how they're annoying and get in the way of either yaoi ships or selfships...

4. what was the last straw that made you finally block that annoying person?

not to go back into ducks again but i remember when the animaniacs reboot dropped i made a mutual with this super annoying person on twitter who kept talking about yakko warner and milk and about a week later an acquaintance of mine asked me how long i knew them and then said "we think that your new mutual is cannedtins"

5. worst discord server and why

im not in bad discord servers im normal 0:-)

i do have a lot of osc and em servers muted tho <:-D

6. which ship fans are the most annoying?

a looooooot of shippers are annoying LOL. as far as not freak ships go, i sure do have a lot of hate in my heart for fenro... but are fenro fans annoying.... idk. i curate myself a lot.

WAIT NO JOIKE GOD THOSE GUYS ARE SO ANNOYING

7. what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them?

i CANT just say mad ducktor again.... but honestly? 4 and X bfdi.....

9. worst part of canon

closing time being canon to catch 22

10. worst part of fanon

i hate when fanon unanimously agrees on a gender and sexuality headcanon for a character especially when it's one i relate to and i could make their gender and sexuality so so so so much weirder...

11. number of fandom-related words you've filtered

at least a dozen? i dont like a lot of popular fandoms.

12. the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

i feel like all my unpopular faves are unpopular for good reason. i may not like the reason but im alone in my happiness.

anyway fanny bfb you should like her because she has a rough exterior and a soft interior.

13. worst blorboficiation

the guys from one but i dont mind too much because it's one.

14. that one thing you see in fics all the time

i see a lot of x reader shit and it always feels like every reader is like. the same 19 year old girl. and man we're different in every way.

15. that one thing you see in fanart all the time

cat ears

16. you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

honestly i guess i get it bc they're both protags but spifan... it's kind of... BORING to me! no offense to ppl who do like it but i find myself more into prufan and pacome x zorglub....

17. there should be more of this type of fic/art

sheep in the big city fic and art that doesn't suck

18. it's absolutely criminal that the fandom has been sleeping on...

honestly i'm in so many fandoms where there's a hero x villain old man ship and in SO MANY OF THEM it is ignored.... SAD!

19. you're mad/ashamed/horrified you actually kind of like...

let's just say there's a certain ship that goes against so many of my principles and yet i've shipped it for over a decade and got good friends to ship it too and leaf it there

20. part of canon you found tedious or boring

whatever the hell fireafy was doing in nubfb

21. part of canon you think is overhyped

clive dove professor layton. unwound future has better aspects

22. your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores

i think ppl should pay more attention to misa in death note

23. ship you've unwillingly come around to

i used to hate mei x red son from monkie kid and now it's my top otp LOL

25. common fandom complaint that you're sick of hearing

"stop watching kid shows" these ppl aren't watching kid shows they are JUST watching owl house if they were wathcing kid shows i'd have someone to talk about rocketeer 2019 with

[volfoss]

⚜️ *Gives you the fanciest emoji I know of*

im so sorry this is like. 2 weeks late. a lot of stuff happened for me irl and i also was waiting to come across a character that i thought u would find really interesting :) i think you'd be able to really investigate veycer like a bug under a microscope.

i think youd like veycer SOLELY because of how complex he is written. he sucks soooo much as a person and i would like to blow him up HOWEVER i think as a villain he is so fascinating. volfoss doesnt really have villains in the usual sense, as its more just oh im on this side of the war, hes on the other side of the war and hes kinda being mean so hes the villain for this route. and you can side w his (veycers) side of the war and see different sides to him that way. like everyone just kind of sucks in the war really.

^white boy of the year in a bad way

so like. in order to get into his complex writing i have to first again elaborate he sucks. you are not meant to really care about him unless you take the route where youre on the ikuaipe side (which hes the military leader of). and to really get into him as a character i have a LOT of explaining to do plot wise. so come with me. take my hand. we are having the tumblr askbox equivalent of my 30 minute volfoss politics powerpoint or whatever.

ikuaipe uses rare metals imported from asdenia, mainly to make drugs. asdenia one day is just like no. fuck you we are not exporting this to you anymore. this obviously causes a lot of tension. eventually the war is kickstarted (this is either because of a mysterious disease or because it appears that the leader of ikuaipe was kidnapped. put a pin in that. we will return to it later. sorry theres a lot to explain and i need to make it as cohesive as possible) and its kind of like. well not good for either side lmao. each of the three (technically four. its a long story.) nations has a different governing system: ikuaipe has a group of people leading (frokiston is kind of the head, gust is second in command, and veycer is kind of third), asdenia is like a religious leading (the archpriest leads the country), and caldealand is a monarchy (with a king and queen and prime minister). this is all important im so sorry stick with me here i have to set up a foundation for the politics.

so like. if volfoss was crazy popular and had gotten super fandomized, people would say frokiston was kinda like a father figure to veycer but like objectively they do care about each other a lot. i cannot even begin to get into their wide degree of issues but frokiston is arguably just trying to lead ikuaipe as best he can, so in the ikuaipe route, when hes kidnapped, it sends veycer into a panic. like to the point where hes rushing into battle, right into dangerous spots just because he HEARD thats where frokiston might be. he invades asdenia further bc it does seem like its a plausible place for him to be. frokiston is someone who you see reassure veycer when he's worried about the war and how they're losing. like he does genuinely care a lot about veycer and thats WHY veycer is pretty much willing to die to make sure hes ok.

i am not going to spoil the ikuaipe arc ending but veycer is kind of put in a position a lot where he has to make tough decisions and well. they are not normally handled well (in terms of he makes stupid as fuck decisions or like. decisions where youre sitting there like WHY would you do this). and the end of that arc is a very good example of that, as it deals with how someone who acts very calmly and level headedly about death can be forced to make a decision that doesn't make him act as calm as he normally would.

which this all ties into a couple very distinct moments that make me genuinely insane when i think about him. like again he sucks soooo bad its insane but hes very well written (which idk if ive gotten acorss bc i really do wanna avoid major ending spoilers. i think youd love volfoss a lot). bullet point list bc ive gone on long enough lol

his sister (Shes also an army commander. shes great you would love sheala) does a big fuck up on a mission and well. lemme just grab what i noted down here. auveon is another commander.

but later he goes on to be like oh ty for protecting sheala ^-^ i care about my family. he does pardon her to just a demotion and i rly think that was his intent at first but he needed to seem strict to make ppl respect him.

one of his right hand men dies in one ending and he literally just does not care at all but i also think its a situation of keeping up a tough front. hes fascinating and id get more into it if my wrists were not cramping up insane style but they are so. i think youd love him in the way that he well. has diseases but is written with so much depth and compassion

[yoursonlucifer]

may be doing this wrong still - technology is baffling! :D. Regarding the Dimension 20 ask game ya reblogged a few days ago, from the Dimension 20 shows what's a moment that made you laugh, a moment that made you cry, and a favourite NPC - doesn't even have to be THE most favourite, just a fave - that be Q4, Q18 and Q19 respectively. And if you're so inclined for any of them questions, why? :)

sorry I took 80 years to answer this but here we gooooo

made me laugh: the second time I rewatched fhsy, I often thought about the part in hotel cavalier fight where gilear talks about how he got hit in the head so hard by a gorilla monster that he died. that's a personal classic

favorite npc: easy ayda aguefort. I wrote a whole essay about her. she autisitic, shes a lesbian, she's dating fig, she's a wizard, she's black, she's my best friend. I love her

made me cry: the part in the part in the nightmare forest where fig finds ayda and brennan narrates ayda thinking about all the tines that she didn't understand something and no one explained it to her. I meant to include this part in my essay, but I forgot, so this is like the only major figayda moment that I didn't talk about formally. I did make a really long post about it though and I think it's one of my more popular posts? idk. I think fhsy is the only campaign other than a crown of candy that's made me cry

was going to link the post, but im not sure anyone would ask me more questions and also its lost to the shitty tumblr search function (shocking that all of these moments are from fantasy high, huh? /s)

[hotshotshitshow]

im not trying to be mean forreal but you arent gonna have people rbing your stuff if you don't tag it! 2 give an example your most recent piece has 7 tags total, two of which are personal tags that no ones gonna search so lets say 5. in addition to the ones you included which werent bad you should also include stuff like the medium (ex: #traditional art) and of course #artists on tumblr. tagging aesthetics that fit also goes a long way. plus a (no guilt) caption requesting that people boost your work. something important to keep in mind with tumblr is that its really good for circulating art LONG term rather than most social media platforms which prioritize feeding the neverending ratrace for whatevers trending. I am in no way a big name artist but my most circulated posts come from people tag searching and queueing. obvs theres usually gonna be the most attention over the first few days but also give it time! don't be afraid to repost or find niches who will circulate your stuff. post art and then link it in oc discords, too this isnt meant to admonish you btw more it makes me sad to see you get discouraged. you have a unique and compelling artstyle with genuinely swagful characters so the idea of you peacing out saddens my heart. i hope this helps, cya

Hey first off. I genuinely appreciate this, I am ngl I knew I shouldn't have posted that last night cuz I knew I'd be embarrassed about it later and well!! Here I am, feeling like a damn fool!! Sincerely tho, your words do mean a lot.

However, the one thing that trips me up is that back when I did use Tumblr more regularly, like several years ago, they had made it so that only the first five tags on a post were searchable, and everything else wasn't visible in tag searches. Has this changed? It's been a long time and I have no idea what's changed with Tumblr in the past few years but I've just been operating on the assumption that only the first five tags "count." Also I am just ... Not good at knowing what to tag things other than in the most straightforward way possible 😬

I definitely absolutely get discouraged way way way too quickly and I acknowledge that, it comes from years of a building frustration of posting on social media and never feeling like it goes anywhere while also watching those around me grow their followings. It's come to a point where it feels like if something I post "fails" then it tanks my mood on a hair trigger. And it's not healthy!!! This is largely why I've stopped posting publicly anywhere. Bc the reaction I've built up is so instantaneous and intense that it's completely unhealthy for me. Sorry to vent at you!! It's all just sort of coming out. I've absolutely poisoned the way I view interaction on social media for myself and it feels very entrenched and I don't really know what to do about it.

I want to share my art with people and I want them to like my art and asking for reblogs directly on art posts is something that always felt gross to me but idk maybe that's what I gotta do. I have this notion in my mind tho that if my art is good and people like it, they'll reblog it because they want to, not because I asked them to. It doesn't feel like people are sharing my art bc they genuinely like it if they're doing it bc I asked them to. And then people don't reblog my art, so it gets interpreted as "well, I guess nobody thinks my art is very good, otherwise they'd want to share it!"

This all feels very immature of me and I hate that this is how I feel. I definitely am very deeply in the mindset now of "well, nobody appreciated my art much when I did post it, so now nobody gets to see it anymore." Idk how to grow past this tbh. I am absolutely only shooting myself in the foot. Oh well whatever!!!

Anyway. Thank you again for this, and also if you did actually read this, thank you for your time and energy. I don't think you were being mean at all, you said what is true, I think. I hope you have a lovely day.

[owldemon08]

you'll never understand  But why would you - open letter

this is an open letter to someone I talk to every single day and am really close to. they don't have Tumblr so if I know you in real life. it's not you. and I probably shouldn't have to say this but, trigger warning, I think? mainly for like trans people or people with like PTSD for like family divorce and mentions of verbal abuse, depression, suicide, and some other heavy stuff. so be cautious if you have a problem with that kind of stuff. 

Its been a while since we actually had this conversation but. I was never finished with it. you walked away before I could finish. and I'm not angry. you don't like fighting and I understand that but. I wanna finish. because you know that's how I am. I need to finish my thoughts. 

if you don't remember, which isn't hard to believe. I was talking about my parent's divorce. for the personal narrative essay. and I mentioned how hard it was to switch weekends with my dad and mom. I said how I had to plan the switch weeks, sometimes a month ahead. and you, said something along the lines of “whys it so hard? just say ‘hey I wanna switch weekends.’ and be done” and I told you, that it's not that simple, because of the custody papers and agreements and yadda yadda yadda. and you proceded to say, “ Sydnie, (purposefully using my birth name) you make everything so much more difficult then it needs to be. you make your life sound so hard. it doesn't help that you wanna be so special with your gender and sexuality.” when you said this, I was hurt. you've never said anything like that before. and I was surprised. you were probably having a bad day, which isn't that uncommon cause, you get pissed of by idiots in your first hour and I usually make things better in the second hour.

and because it was all I could think off. I said to you. “ you wouldn't understand, cause your parents are together.”  then the bell rang. “why does that matter.” and you walked out, without me for the first time ever. but I have more to say. and I’m again going to start it with.

                                 you don't understand.

you don't understand cause you don't have to deal with it. 

and because you don't have to deal with it. you don't have to worry.

you don't have to deal with your parents being in two different houses. 

you don't have to deal with there only interaction being them yelling 98% of the time. 

you don't have to be the middle man, cause you know they'll fight if you aren't.

you don't have to deal with the aching pain of knowing that, you might be the reason your parents divorced when you were 4. 

you don't have to worry about your stepdad coming in your room to yell at you for no reason. 

you don't have to be compared to your older brother on a daily basis

you don't have to deal with sitting in your room just so you don't get compared to your dad by your stepdad with false information.

you don't have to plan weekends with your dad just so you can see him for a weekend and only see him for half of it, because he has to work double overtime just to barely make due on child support.

you don't have to watch your dad silently cry in the car every visit just cause your brother refuses to talk to him, just cause your stepdad has money and he doesn’t.

you don't have to listen to your dad fight with your stepmom because he wants to get his son a birthday present but you stepmom doesn't want him to cause they can barely afford groceries, and he hasn't been there in 6 years so why bother.

you don't have to leave your moms house crying on Christmas almost every year cause your brother is an asshole and yells at you for saying something about your dad, but won't even say Merry Christmas to him, even though he gives him a card with $50-$100 that he’d been saving for MONTHS using quarters and spare $1′s he finds and stashes in his truck without his wife knowing.

you don't have to be afraid to shower for weeks at a time because you'd rather die than have to see your self naked in a mirror.

you don't have to be afraid that your parents will kick you out if they find out your trans. 

you don't have to ask teachers to call you a name other then what's on the roster.

you don't have to stand there and explain for 3 minutes why your preferred name is so different than your name on the roster. 

you don't have to remind yourself to use the girl's bathroom even though your feet wanna take you into the boys. 

you don't have to live in fear of coming out to your dad, because you might break his heart, and possibly cause ANOTHER heart attack that could actually kill him.

you don't have to constantly remind people you've known since before you came out that you don't use your birth name anymore, but they still use it cause, who cares your still technically a girl right? 

you don't have to worry about finding a person to date, just cause you don't look your gender.

you don't have to watch as someone you are in love with that you've been flirting with for months, gets a boyfriend because they aren't into women, forget your trans, and thinks your flirting is just platonic compliments.

you don't have to feel horrible, just cause you really wish that you’d get breast cancer so that you can get surgery without having to come out to your transphobic family.

you don't have to sit and listen as your grandfather who loves you to death states that he would shoot a trans person, unknowing that your one of those people. 

you don't sit awake at night and cry because you would give anything to either die in your sleep or magically wake up as a guy.

you don't have to switch the pronouns in stories just so you don't out your gay friend and get banned from talking to him.

you don't have to deal with falling asleep for 10 hours but only getting 3 hours of sleep because of insomnia making you toss and turn all night and have nightmares you can't even remember that keep you from actually sleeping.

you don't have to listen to voices in your head make fun of you cause you think people care for you. 

you don't have to fear for the next relapse, that drives you to hurt yourself again

you don't have to listen to people make light-hearted jokes about your weight, that actually hurt, because of your mind there true. 

you don't have to sit and listen to voices as they say you're worthless and hopeless.

you don't have to deal with depression that you've had since you were 5 and realized daddy was never coming home again.

you don't have to listen as all of your family, even your sister who knows you've tried to kill yourself tells you that you're being dramatic and don't have depression and are just looking for attention.

you don't have to (non-religiously) pray that you see your best friend at random points in the day, cause their touch is the only thing that makes the voices shut up for a few minutes at a time. 

you don't have to deal with hoping that you get hit by a car, just so that the pain of living finally stops.

you don't have to deal with the thought process of, you don't want your life to end, you just want the pain to stop, and death may be the only way.

you don't have to deal with divorced parents, gender dysphoria, depression, insomnia, anxiety, and shit like I do. yes, you deal with your own problems, but please don't downplay mine as “making my life hard cause I want to.” if I had the choice I wouldn't have a fucking life at all. 

so please, stop downplaying my struggles, I'm not saying they're the worst in the world, but there what I deal with, I don't downplay yours, I always listen to you and treat your issues the way they should be treated so, do the same for me.

               But even after this, if you ever saw it, you'd still                              never understand, why would you? you don't care enough.

Yeah so that's it, I'm done ranting now and I cried a couple times while writing this....... but yeah, that was meant for one person but whoever reads this can use it to learn about me so.... have fun with this info 

[formulawonu]

can i request seventeen asking for cuddles after a nightmare 🥺🥺🥺

seventeen & nightmares

a/n: bye this prompt is so cute 😭 i got carried away idk why this became so long :( also idk why tumblr is glitching and formatting stuff weird

seungcheol: would 100% try to make it seem like he just wants to cuddle nothing suspicious ha haha... then when ur both trying to go back to sleep he whispers "honestly i just had a nightmare" :/ poor baby let him cuddle u all night long!!!! on the other hand if u have a nightmare he is ur #1 protector. do u need the lights on do u need water do u wanna talk? oh u just want to cuddle? HE CAN DO THAT

jeonghan: it happens in the middle of the night and it is the faintest of movement from him because he doesn't want to wake you but he makes sure you're right next to him and he pulls you in closer and eventually leaves a kiss on ur head just thankful u are there. but he'd tell u about it in passing the next morning acting like it wasnt anything so u dont worry :/ IM GONNA KMS and if its u with the nightmare you'd shake him awake and he'd ask u whats wrong in his sleepy voice but listen and talk to u however long u need to fall back asleep while cuddling u:/ f m l

joshua: STOP he would get up immediately and open all the lights to make u feel better :/ he'd make u sit up then get you water and rub ur back if its a super bad nightmare just so u know everything is gonna be okay :( would also be willing to do something random even if its the middle of the night to get ur mind off of it... like would bake warm cookies with you or smth ahhahah if he has a nightmare i think he'd try to wake u up like once but if u dont wake up he'd be content with just cuddling closer to u and falling asleep with his arms around u. ur his comfort pillow

junhui: waking junhui up because of a nightmare would be funny because he's clearly disoriented from being woken up all of a sudden but he's trying his best to make sense of why he's awake dkufgjhshf "HUH WHAT DO U MEAN SOMEONE CHASED U JUST NOW DO I CALL THE COPS?" takes him a min to process but comforts u the best way he can:/ he'd give good cuddles:( i think if he was the one with the nightmare he wouldnt really wake u or mind if ur half-asleep but he'd be talking about it out loud while playing with ur hair just so he could calm down and process it on his own

hoshi: he'd wake you up in the middle of the night so u both could process what the nightmare meant and you'd probably lie in bed just talking about different things to get his mind off of it:( he'd be playing with your hand and muttering random things solely saved for sacred late night conversations and moments. ur the bigger spoon when u eventually go to sleep n cuddle. if u have the nightmare he'd try his best to listen to u but i think he'd be falling asleep 😅 however its like second nature for him and he gives u one of the best cuddles ever

wonwoo: DONT GET ME STARTED ON HIM like if you had a nightmare and you wake him up and tell him about it he'd find a way to make it sound like a good thing like that time seungkwan had that nightmare of wonwoo and he said it meant something good djshfdjkfh he'd also drop everything to cuddle u and hum u to sleep:/ if he has the nightmare he honestly wouldnt wake you up to ask for cuddles bc he doesnt wanna bother u I FEEL ILL 😭😭😭 like the only way u find out he's had a nightmare is if he tells u abt it the next day or u personally wake up to his movement in the bed and see he's sitting up reading or using his phone to get his mind off of it:/

woozi: be REAL u had the nightmare and he would give up his personal space to cuddle u:/ "jihoon are u awake..." "no" "please i had a nightmare" he'd immediately sit up and ask you if you wanna talk about it or how he could help you and when u say u just wanna be near him he'd give in and cuddle because duh hes a simp 🙄 if he has a nightmare he honestly just pulls u in closer in bed

minghao: hao would be so sweet about it like i think he would know ur having a nightmare before u even wake up and he'd shake u lightly because he's that receptive of u and how u are dhjfgfksj like he'd be all "babe its okay i think u were having a nightmare" then he's hugging u or rubbing ur back UGH but if he had the nightmare i think he's another one that wouldnt wake you up.. he'd get up drink some tea to calm himself down then get in bed and naturally cuddle up to u help

mingyu: ok thing is u NORMALLLY cuddle with this man but the grip he has around u specifically after a nightmare (regardless of if u or he had it) is strong and secure and everything is suddenly right with the world as long as u are in his arms dksfjhdsdfj but it'd also go like "i had a dream ~this~ happened" and he would say "ok but logically that can't happen" ok thanks mingyu! big help! but he just wants to make sure ur okay anyway:/

seokmin: he'd be so cute uisdkhjfsdkrfjh like ur there telling him about ur nightmare and he's trying his best to listen and be supportive but he's also scared out of his mind bec of the contents of ur dream so now he's lost in his thoughts and u both are scared hjdgfdjh same goes for if he has the nightmare 😭 but the cuddles are extra tight and u guys just keep talking in bed until u drift off into bed i can imagine it going "hey are u still awake im still scared" "i was FALLING ASLEEP" "ok but im still scared" kdfjhdfkgjh

seungkwan: he'd try his best to make u laugh if u woke him up after a nightmare :( like he'd get up and pretend to look under the bed start fighting an imaginary whatever in mid air and get mad ydfhgkfd "ok come out let me fight u" he'll have u laughing but also intently listening to whatever nightmare u had bec he cares :( if he had a nightmare he'd wake you up also n he might be crying :( he'd be talking about it and he'd pull u into his arms while just talking about it. just be there for him and tell him its gonna be ok :( kwannnieeeeeee :(

vernon: THIS MAN. he would actually be such a good listener its just that i also think he generally wouldnt know what to say??? like he knows he wants to comfort u and be there for u but also its several taps on the back and "errr dont worry it wasnt real..." or he'd just straight up ask u how he can be there for u :( if u ask him for cuddles i think he'd overthink it and u would feel him be more stiff than usual bc he doesnt know how cuddles logically help u get over nightmares ukdsjfhsd which is why i think vernon honestly just wakes up from a nightmare processes that its a nightmare and goes back to sleep period

dino: he is internally panicking bec wtf no one told him how to help someone else deal w nightmares how does HE even deal with nightmares???? but he'd be so cute trying to make u feel better :( but u wouldnt have to ask for cuddles honestly like his caring nature means he naturally pulls u in and keeps u there until ur fast asleep again ugh dhkdsfh if he has the nightmare i think he'd sit up then check to make sure ur there then cuddle u again :( he'd try to go back to sleep but if he really cant he'd wake u up and say sorry for waking u up jahjashdkjsh

[decembermoonskz]

izzy! about your rant- this is one of the main reasons why i kind of stopped writing for skz. ive said it numerous times, but stays just dont know how to appreciate their creators. especially with fics like yours; you write fantasy stuff and things that are so so original and well thought-out, but in the end, its not what the community on here knows how to appreciate. its so easy to get notes on smut -and i dont wanna sound like im bashing smut writers, i just dont really get the appeal- but why do writers like you and so many other stay writers that write things like you do, not get the same amount of interaction? its a problem thats been talked about since i can remember, but the stay consumers on here still dont seem to understand how much interaction makes a difference in our motivation to post.

since i started writing for nct, i got much more interaction and feedback; i got asks, i got comments, reblogs- i got everything i wanted and desired as a skz writer. im not telling you to change who you write for, because thats stupid; you love stray kids and thats who you want to dedicate your time to, but im just further pointing at the fact that the audience is at fault, in a way. its not your fault you dont get interaction and you are not ungrateful for wanting it, its totally normal and understanable.

we didnt start writing to get notes; we were all writers before posting on tumblr. yes, we write for ourselves because it brings us joy. but since we have people that read and consume what we create, it would be amazing to get at least some reblogs and feedback. dont feel bad about it and dont let anyone make you feel bad about it.

i learned not to really care about notes and stuff, because it only made sad in the long run, but one thing that i use to reassure myself when posting is that i had a lot of fun with it, i love what i created and there will always be someone that finds it, even if it is just one person, and if that person likes it and it made their day, its worth posting even for that one person.

keep going izzy, your writing is beautiful and it will always find someone that appreciates it:)

whoa hey bar i wasn't prepared for how long this was thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on this. i remember you saying these things before. i really agree with your third and fourth paragraphs for sure.

honestly rants on this topic are very uncommon for me because i enjoy my writing way more than note counts. i think the reason i'm even really thinking of this stuff now is because i've recently been writing my own original stuff ✨✨✨ so that's been a lot of fun, just as fun as writing my fics and it made me realize i could just as easily keep my fics to myself and enjoy them. idk if that makes much sense??? but yeah it just has me thinkin'

i really liked what you said in para 4 for tho, because that's exactly how i feel about my writing. i know that if one person really likes it then i think it was worth posting it in the end. when black rose came out i was honestly shocked with how much feedback it ended up getting and the fact that it's well on its way to 900 notes is mind-boggling to me. then there's gold and silver, i adore that series with my whole being and regardless if one or one hundred people read it i'm finishing it, seeing people actually enjoy something that i know is "unconventional" for a community (online-wise not just stayblr) that tends to gravitate towards more general likes and preferred genres really made me really happy.

yeah even tho i'm well aware of how the stayblr area doesn't really do much for engagement i really do love to write for them. i've written for enhypen too and i still enjoy it but skz will always be who i write for most (i have thought of experimenting with other idols too but not sure who yet maybe nct dream? no guarantee but it has been a passing thought)

i get what you meant tho, i don't have any hate for smut writers, i'm friends with some of them and have interacted with some of them and they're really nice people, so absolutely no hate to them. it's just very obvious where the community directs their eyes to rather than sfw things or more plotted content. that's just a reality we have currently so it's not one person or a certain type of writer's fault. :)

i really appreciate your encouragement tho bar you're a true gem and i hope you have the best days, you always make my day you sweet bean. (stay safe and hydrated okay? and don't be shy to come and say hi every now and then i miss you *hug*)

[maraariana01]

HOOO boy okay let me try to translate this for y'all.

" It's totally absurd to see this idiocy with the american pronouns brainwashing our(Romania's) kids(???) (i think thats what they meant idk why they're using """fancy""" words). "They/them" my ass, it doesn't even make sense in romanian. I'm begging you, develop your own personality. "

BOY WHERE DO I EVEN BEGIN,,,,,,,

i mean i doesn't rlly matter anymore since i blocked them (if tumblr wont mess up again) but this entire ask is just so fucking stupid its funny sjfjdjfjdj bitch why do you sound like a 30-40 year old mom on facebook or some shit what are you even doing here lmao

also im like 20 years old not a kid??? hello?????? but that's beyond the point

either way, i dont know how to tell you this but pronouns other than she/he aren't an "american thing" and im sure that even if you were american you'd still say that singular "they" makes no sense

"develop your own personality" what does my gender and pronouns have to do with my personality???????

anyway *does a nonbinary little dance that pisses you off*

it's 2021 open your fucking eyes <3

[selfcareparker]

(lovely anon) i'm so happy to finally be answering this oh my goodness hi gorgeous human being i feel that it has been too long 🥲 SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED SINCE THE LAST TIME I'VE WRITTEN ONE OF THESE HOW HAVE YOU BEEN

to answer the things you have said most recently- i'm so mad that spring break is over bc now i have to go back to life??? like dancing and school and shit that feels so unnessacry 😭 and like i can't just do nothing anymore? i was so used to it and now...... ugh. i STILL haven't played sims (i think it's because ✨depression✨ be hitting sometimes) lol but MWAHAH IM SO HAPPY FOR YOUR NEIGHBOR!AU AND THAT THEY HAD LITTLE BABY LEO!! i feel the name thing.. i just come up with something that sounds nice? i think leo is a nice name, it makes me think about lea michele and the fact that her son's name is Ever Leo but anyway. i don't name my sims after what i want to name my children irl either... idk why though. (i don't know why i'm telling you this but for boy names i love Liam🥰 and if i had twin boys i think i would do Liam and Peter though i am not married to the name Peter.... anywho)

LMAOOO the therpaist coming made me laugh thank you :)) i hope it's helpful? this may be tmi but i've only really had negative thoughts recently and not many healthy outlets so i'm hoping crossing one thing off this sad list will make me feel better :') i think during spring break my anxiety and my depression really spiked? idk, it comes in episodes but yeah THIS GOT REALLY SAD

i think a lot of things when i read your posts but i never say them hahaha so imma say it now: i googled what bon appetit meant ( i also just had to google how to spell it ) but ur right, i feel like bone apple tea makes more sense than bone apple teeth.. the "th" is throwing me off bc how i say it bone appa (like app-a) teet (like you're saying tit but teet lol) so bone apple tea makes more sense to me lol

i never know really know the time difference for anything lmao but est to germany (that's not gmt is it?) is like 6 hours wOAH so it's like 9pm while it’s 3pm here? wowee

i feel mega weird after watching this show called hollywood (darren criss is in it, so is laura harrier and a bunch of other people) but i don't like it💀 i feel really icky rn and idk why but reading your last response to my ask (?) always makes me feel better :')

i am doing what you said btw, i'm typing this on my computer first then gonna transfer it to my phone's tumblr lol but when you said a digital detox, it's interesting cuz i feel like i've been having one since tom's new project was announced? gOD i don't wanna get into it bc i get so triggered but i've been off of instagram since then bc instagram stans literally stand by tom through whatever even when something ain't right- i’m just gonna leave it there bc i’ll continue the rant, but yeah so i took a break lol

also heard abt your driving lesson thing (?) was it that bad? i can't find the old post but someone asked if you hooked up with your lesson person and i was sOOO CONFUSED LMAOO LIKE OK ARIA GET SOME BUT UHH HUH?

now to address the actual response HAHA the way you touch my heart :') by :') bringing :') up :') halle :') being ariel :') (i honest to God don't remember if i brought this up first, forgive me if i did, it's been a minute lmao) i'm always talking about it and i'm pretty sure my family is so tired of me talking about it lmao, but YEAH when i found out they weren't twins i was so surprised but idk why i always thought they were twins? but YOU ARE SPEAKING MY LANGUAGE WITH THE DISNEY TALK- everyone is always like "tiana is my favorite princess" and yea she's strong and stuff but...... she was a frog. for almost the whole time. it's about time we got another one!! i do agree with some people on the fact that disney should just make another black princess but halle is adorable and i was ariel on stage so it's already really special to me :')

yeah lol there are good times with my brothers but they make me mad for a good portion of the time (there's the 12yo vincent and the 7yo daniel but vincent??? psshhh he is a piece of work and i'm not sure how much longer i can put up with him HAJAH AND YES VINCENT IS THE ONE WHO WAS 👁👄👁WHEN I CRIED AND THE ONE WHO DOESN'T LISTEN TO MUSIC- writing this now makes it sound like vincent is awful. which he isn't... we're working on him ig. not to add to the awfulness but no, he listens to obnoxious loud VIDEO GAME MUSIC and won't stop when we ask him to stop... he gets beat up a lot) anyway i imagine being an only child is really calming.. like you have time to yourself and its just you and your parents 😌

yeah let me know if you end up watching it (wandavision)! i think it's great but if you like it lmk!! tfatws is sooo good like PHEW i am honestly loving it. sidenote: j*hn w*lker makes me wanna jump through the screen and choke him to the ground. i was thinking right, and the falcon and the winter soldier (THATS SO MUCH EASIER FAJHKDAH) would techinally be like a 10 hour movie right? because every episode is an hour long and there'll be 10 episodes? like wow. i get what you mean though, abt the racism in the show etc, like looking forward to it but not like..... no i get what you mean i will not try and give another example lol but you make me wanna learn more languages like really badly (bc of what you said about the german to american translation) & if you end up watching hamilton PLEASE LMK ABT THAT TOO HAHAHA i love it so much, same thing with lion king lmaoo

speaking of germany, i was at lunch on saturday with my mom and her friend and we were talking about my schooling and like-- she planted this idea in my head lol like what if i just got my GED and went around the world (to england probably) to get a theatre experience??? and i think it sounds so cool but no where near practical lol, it's just..... the dream haha and i would then try and learn a language 😉

uh yes we absolutely should order basically a resturant meal at a cinema, how about burgers, chips (fries), and a large drink? any time next week works for me, should i pick you up?

also about cherry (which i still haven't watched yet lol) i got the timestamps from tumblr😌 i couldn't find them anywhere else, but i agree, i probably wouldn't even look twice at cherry if tom wasn't in it? like i liked tdatt a lot, but it's not a movie i would be itching to see ya know?

HAHAHAHA THE 24 HOUR NOTIFICATION- i think i have around 1030 hours on sims? but i've had it since 2019 lmao (reading the screenshots, yes u are 100% a genuis, i take screenshots too but on anon you can't upload them so i just read them and retype what i wrote lmao) i think the university experience in the game is fun, but time consuming and it's all work imo. idk why i do it so often tho 😭😭😭

and agreed!! when you're making good money in the game you have to find other ways to make it interesting. my cousins who play it just continously do "motherlode" and i'm like.... then what do you do in your game?? it just sounds boring to me... my current sims household, i had a famous comedian sim, her name was dylan, aND SORRY IM LAUGHING SO HARD WHILE WRITING THIS BC ITS A GREAT EXAMPLE OF THE UNI THING UNLESS IM JUST DUMB, she went to college for communications when i wanted her to be a comedian and when she graduated i realized that degree did nothing for the career 🥲 so yeah, i think i'm just dumb. but she had a kid in college, guy didn't stick around and she was pretty broke HA but then she got married to this (great) guy named steve, made good bank, had 5 more kids (two sets of twins and one more lol) but then she passed. uhm... yeah that's still an open wound . lol i'm kidding, but when you get rich like that, you have to find a way to make the game interesting and i chose a million kids.

(this was one giant paragraph until i broke it up uhh yeah) i seriously don't pay attention to the sims prices and just end up spending way too much money and not being able to finish the rest of the house😭 but then again, i'm so used to having sims live in apartments... if i end up building a house FIRST OF ALL it'll look like what you explained before lmao but i'll tell you if i actually end up building a house HAHA & planning out your sims game is so fun to me lol, did enisa and michael take in his daughter yet? i may be thinking too far ahead lol and i love that they fucked woohooed (i say woo woo lol) in celebration HAHA but when i was playing with this one couple i had them woo woo every night hoping the dude would have horrible pull out game and they would concieve, but one night they were too tired and i was like why? get back in there man. if i was in college and lived with my partner we would be fucking every night homie. be grateful. i have been talking a lot about sims, and like you said: enough 💀 i just love this game a lot 😭😭

SORRY LAST THING i think the sims romantic and sexual stuff is so nice bc its what i want?? LMAO IDK like the whole hot tub thing you're talking about- puh lease ITS JUST NICE TO SEE OKAY

i'm reading the german section over again and i said aloud "my german friend is so cool" lol (i was saying that to my brothers & i know they don't care LMAO) (& i'm glad the uni zoom call went well!!) so on a form, in german, it could possibily say Einführungsveranstaltungsteilnehmer because you would be a participant to an introductory event? i swear german sounds so cool 😌 but i love reading your german lessons!! it's really interesting, most of the time my brain can't comprehend it tho?? like that word makes sense to you, but i need a translation. like to be able to look at that and know what it says.... its just appealing and seems so cool lol i kinda wanna write something out in german but i feel that google translate will fail me. während googeln "google übersetzen" mein Computer war so verdammt langsam und es fühlte sich einfach wie etwas Gutes auf Deutsch zu sagen. ich bin nicht sicher, welches Wort ist "fucking", aber ich mag es lmao (did it fail me like i thought it would??)

LMAOOO THANK YOU FOR BRINGING UP JUSTIN BC WHILE AT THE RESTURANT THEY PLAYED A JUSTIN SONG AND I IMMEDIATELY THOUGHT OF YOU AND THIS STORY😭 lol i was thinking it's depending on your age but not even that either... i really don't know.... but tom's fans are hollanders💀 i would consider myself one? he's the only person i'm really into like that (like a lot lol) so idk lmao (directioners 💔💔the pain is real)

LMAOOO (both of these paragraphs started off with “lmaooo” smh) "i like my men when they look like they are on the brink of death" PLEASE, i don't like pete's blonde hair... i just don't. i'm not sure if i wasn't watching the most recent snls but yea. my mom thinks he looks like trash, but i think he's okay? like he said staten island people just look like trash LMAO and I STILL HAVEN'T SEEN KING OF STATEN ISLAND GIRL I ALMOST FORGOT ABOUT THAT!! now i'm gonna make plans to watch it lmao, & yes agreed i find pete hot, don't ask why i really couldn't explain it to someone he's just .

my favorite songs from rex are from pony oh my goodness 🥺 anywho i'm gonna go eat cereal (i ended up eating bun and cheese instead) and listen to the Stormzy songs you recommended... aria. aria aria aria. i would like to thank you for introducing me to stormzy i- i don't have any words or any emojis to express HOW GOOD STORMZY IS. i hope he's popular in germany/the uk because i haven't heard of him but GURLLLL

one second - delicious i love it. it's really good. it’s not my favorite from the album, but its great.

superheroes - at first i played the non-explicit one (on accident) and wondered why the words weren't playing but i was reading them in the lyrics??? THIS ONE THOUGH??? IS THE BEST SONG I THINK I'VE EVER HEARD. i am so SO SO into black people empowering songs (like brown skin girl by beyonce) and this song???? PHEW I CRYYYYY ITS SO GOOD.... i was gonna quote some lyrics BUT THERS TOO MANY I LOVE, "i am young, black, beautiful, and brave" "black queen, you're immaculate, it's coming at the world, they ain't ready for your magic yet, and that was never your fault" THAT WAS NEVER YOUR FAULT- I ALMOST CRIED THIS SONG IS SO BEAUTIFUL (i played it twice lol)

lessons is another beautiful one, like its slow and it feels intimate and nurturing and just OO chefs kiss, beautiful . like you can feel the apology and the regret... it’s so good

own it - OWN IT OWN IT OWN IT IS AMAZING!! swear you would catch me dancing to this song, this song is so fucking good i cannot comprehend like this one might be my favorite for real... "it's the way you wind up your waist, i'm so in awe, you never have to worry abt nothing, you know its yours, you know you own it" 🥲 i played it two or three times honestly

rachael's little brother - YES I DID LISTEN TO IT LMAO AND YES I LIKE IT, its a very complex song and it's very layered in terms of emotions i think and i really like that about it. i probably won't listen to it that often, but its really good. i would recommend this song to my "older brother" bc he would just absolutely love this

shut up - i was taking this song seriously (also very good) until i heard him say shu-T up LMAO, this one is good, i probably wouldn't listen to it 24/7 like rachael's little brother but honestly its still fire

before listening to blinded by your grace and vossi bop, i know you brought up the religion bit, i definitely don't mind that, especially because i'm Christian lol and i actually liked that he brought up God in some of his songs like idk i just like it🥰🥰

(i then went to bed after that lol but first thing in the morning i listened to superheroes and... that song is probably my favorite tbh, i was gonna write MORE quotes that i loved from it but, yeah no there's too many. if you want i'll tell you lmao but this is already so long i would just be quoting the whole friggin song)

VOSSI BOP IS A BOP (lol) I CANT EVEN LIE, i love a song that hypes up a dude's girl so the line- i love that my phone decided to fail to load the lyrics, lemme google it, okay the lyric "looking at my girl like what a goddess" i was like AYEEE its honestly just really good. and no one in america says "sauce" like "i've got the sauce" but now i do (thanks to love island and Nas from last season) and now stormzy so (also im gonna watch the music video for superheroes bc it looks great so 😛)

(because this is already so long i feel like i shouldn't finish the rest but . no i'm gonna do it)

now for blinded by your grace pt2 idk why i’m nervous lmaoo PAUSE I'M NOT EVEN DONE WITH THE SONG GIRL THIS SONG IS *chefs kiss* no words, speechless PHEW y'all gon make me start jumping around. why did i not know about stormzy before, he is amazing i- ok yeah i finished the song, all i have to say is that Stormzy is immaclucate. period. i am literally sending his music to all my friends he is..... amazing

you want my song recommendations 🥺🥺 hmm uh okay lol i listen to a lot of old music, whitney houston, marvin gaye, queen, celine dion, i love "more than words" by extreme uhmm okay, but for actual music i listen to on the daily? (this is a lot of different music like.... they do not go together lmao so be prepared) a song about being sad by rex orange county, betty by taylor swift and lover by taylor swift and... most of that album lol, treasure by bruno mars lmao, OOOO and versace on the floor by bruno as well, lazybaby by dove cameron, creep by tlc has been on repeat lol, deja vu by olivia rodrigo (i saw what you said about drivers license and AGREED LMAO but i like deja vu a lot more haha) and two albums that i listen to in general, rare by selena gomez and ungodly hour by chloe x halle 🥰 you don't have to listen to all of them or any of them lol but that's a sense of what i'm into :) so basically everything haha, i'm into literally every single kind of music really so i wasn't too surprised that i enjoyed stormzy :’)

HAHASBSJHAHA your h20 story cracked me up,, like "wow these actors are so dedicated, learning german just for us" 😭 the beauty of overdubbing

once again, math and maths, in my mind maths makes sense because its mathmatics, but saying maths doesn't feel right to me lol, like if i said maths i feel like everyone would look at me like ??? and yea i was taught it as math so its just more natural for me. but yes math/maths is disgusting, easily one of my least favorite subjects so .

mkay. i- the first time i read this i could not contain my laughter when you said the only pollen you know is sex pollen LMAOKOOSHBABJFAJF STOPPP I'M EVEN LAUGHING WRITING THIS,, anyway. wow! that's interesting, my dad (<<< mostly anything else) gets migraines from the sun and the heat and stuff, yesterday (sunday, i was outside for like hours watching my brothers play football, the american kind lol) i was in the sun for like ever and i got a headache😔

summer clothes🥲 i need to go shopping fr fr. for my birthday my mom and dad got me a giftcard like dedicated to a shopping spree and we've yet to go so..... i should bring it up to my mom lol, but!! i went bra shopping (ended up returning literally all of them cuz they honestly didn't work for day to day work? its a long story) and if i could i would walk around in this new "summer bra" i got, i would. it's so fricking cute and its really light fabric (which isn't perfect for my nipples but still) so i don't get hot in it, but that bra and some shorts would be perfect. its the closest thing to being naked so

IS THE BIRD STILL BOTHERING U ARIA, TELL ME NOW ISTG, i laughed really hard that the bird isn't stupid and is really trying to torture you LMAOO like i was rolling, it wants you to suffer, badly

when you said "mensus" it was still close to mens!!! latin speaking queen 😌😌

okay STORYTIME i was reading back your response and started (fake) crying bc i love you lol and my youngest brother (daniel) gon say "oh man, catherine's crying about something we don't care about, again" I--- i swear when i tell you about them they sound awful, but they aren't that bad, just the stuff i say about them is sounds really mean LMAO

but the thing you said about being kind, same, what i always say is: don't be the person that makes people say "i hate people" ya know? like there's no reason to be a jerk or anything.... but its true 🥺🥺🥺🥺 you are really kind and every time i talk to you i would like to personally fly to germany and give you a hug 💖💕💞💗💓💝💖💘

& i'm gonna show my stretch marks some love bc of you 🥺😭 i really hate how men have basically everyone conditioned that you can't love your own body </3 fuck them, y'all beautiful :')

also thanks for what you said :')) you literally are the kindest, sweetest person i think i've ever spoken to and i love you 🥰🥺🥲💓💗

READING YOUR TAGS HAHAHHAHA the spelling errors makes everything so much funnier. once again, i like your german lessons & yea!! i'm gonna play sims after writing this hahah

#catherine's tags are back #i don't think i've told you my name before?? #anyway it's catherine🥰🥰🥰 #i'm typing this on my computer (without emojis) and if i didn't edit this you would be reading shit shite like #heartface and pout and cry LMAO #yeah abt the tattoos #some stuff with my parents i'm like deal with it??? lol #my mom tells me "if there's something you enjoy or you like but i don't have the same opinion on it... why would my (my mom's) opinion matter? #and i love that #like i'm not gonna go and do whatever i want #but if my mom doesn't like that i swear (which isn't true just an example) #its like okay.... #but whatever #and your tattoo ideas sound really cute!! #and yeah @ your parents, i mean you aren't getting something wild #and the tattoo album>>> #i'm gonna look up ariana's butterfly tattoos just so i know what you mean lol #but i'm guessing you don't want something so incredibily simple, but not super like over the top? #correct me if i'm wrong lol #LMAO the tags were in order don't worry ! #and yeah lol ily2 <33 #and once again, again, sorry for this post JSHJS ITS A MESS AND LONG AS HELL #and you don't need to go in order of my post its literally longer than your german compound words #u're fine #also !!! while writing this the birds were chirping outside and i was like 😳 #and one of your fics (i’ve read all of them, i don’t remember lol) that valentine’s day one where y/n had lingerie on (the pancake one lol) #inspired me to buy lingerie #like when i look back on me “growing up” #that fic & basically you lol really helped with that #that made no sense and i don’t know how to make it make sense... but... yeah. like ily

hiiiiiiiiiii <3333

Dear catherine, 😌

(you have said your name before, but it wasn‘t like an introduction or anything i think you were talking about .... was it possibly the incident at the cinema??? And you said something like ‘calm down catherine‘ like you were telling yourself to calm down idkd dkdkkdkd anyway i didn‘t mention it cause i wasn‘t sure if it was an accident or not dkdjd but now i know 😌❤️ Catherine is such a cute and lovely name btw omg and so are your brothers‘s names 🥰

Sorry that I‘m answering this so late, it‘s been an emotional rollercoaster for me since last week but i‘ll get to that in a second lol

Sksklssk girl i haven‘t played sims in like 2 weeks now ekejdkdlldld ok that‘s not that long at all actually but i keep wanting to play but then i end up not playing for whatever reason, so no news about my sims game 😔 but i love the names Liam and Peter and for twins!!! That sounds really nice actually

okay i‘m trying to answer your ask in chronological answer even though i wanted to wait for the depressing stuff and write it at the end or something OKAY so. i thought that i‘d feel so good when i start uni and that i‘ll like... have a purpose in life again and just be happy (cause in the last year i didn‘t do much and i was depressed like half of the time lol).... anyway i kind of feel even worse now? 😭 i think it‘s because in my brain it‘s like: university!!! that means your life will change and it‘ll all be so exciting. and don‘t get me wrong it is exciting butttt..... idk the online thing is so weird cause you‘re not meeting any new people (i‘m introverted anyway but still lol) and it doesn‘t feel like you‘re listening to/talking to actual people cause it feels the same as just watching a video?

also i thought i‘d be busy again but i only have one lecture (90mins) a day and theres one day where i dont have any lectures at all and just one day where i have 3 hours but.... idk i mean i shouldn‘t complain about having so much free time but i just don‘t know what to do all day and in a pandemic there really is nothing to do but i also can‘t relax bc it‘s like during the week and i know i have uni the next day and .... yeah.

There‘s also this one assignment i had to do that took me AT LEAST SIX HOURS AND IM NOT EVEN EXAGGERATING????? so that was the only thing i‘ve been doing besides “going to“ lectures. for this one course we have to read two (really really long) texts (like it literally took me 3 hours to read them) and we‘re supposed to post it on this website that all the professors in our uni use. So after 5 days of anxiety (✌🏼) i posted mine this morning bc last night i realised that i didn‘t even know why i was having anxiety so i just posted mine today. The deadline is tomorrow at 12 and no one except me has posted theirs yet........ so i have anxiety again 🥰 cause idk if i‘m the only one who did it or if i even did it correctly

Edit while i‘m rereading this: my anxiety about uni is a lot better and i‘m not as d*pressed anymore maybe it was just hormones? idk but i‘m better so that‘s good

(I started writing this like 5 hours ago and then i randomly completely forgot lol)

I‘m in a better mood now though so let‘s move on from that (oh wait also, i think i‘m gonna see if i can find a psychiatrist bc with my anxiety symptoms (long story) i need to go to a psychiatrist, and so far i‘ve only gone to like psycholgists and it didn‘t help but i think that‘s just bc i was meant to go to a psychiatrist and not a psychologist so dldjdjsj

n e ways but yes you‘re not alone, ily, things will get better and yes i love you (i‘m not good at this type of thing🥲 but i‘d hug you right now if i could <3)

Yess i think the time difference between est and me is 6hours but gmt is uk time i believe? i think mine is called.... cet? For central european time? I could be completely wrong though lmao

Oof i completely forgot about hollywood, i remember when laura kept posting about it on instagram but i never actually watched it and i definitely won‘t now lmaodkdksjsn

Okay my driving lesson LEBDJDKDK I DID NOT HOOK UP WITH ANYONE AKSJSKSMMLM especially not my 40 or 50 year old driving instructor lol i like her but NOT LIKE THAT, the lesson was really really really good actually and i think i‘ll have my driving test soon, but i don‘t even remember why the anon would have thought that??? Oh wait now i remember okay KEKSKDLDL so during the lesson my instructor was like do you mind if i turn on some music? AND THIS WOMAN TURNED ON ONE DIRECTION I LOVE HER so i made a post about it and i said something about the song up all night and i guess i phrased it in a .... idk in a dumb way 💀 so the anon made a joke that i stayed up with my driving instructor all night and NO. No.

Wait did i read that right? YOU WERE ARIEL ON STAGE? SIALDBDJDKSLMSBDKDMDMDKDJSLSMDJFJJEDMBFEKLEFBJDLDVSIDLESKSKWKDKDJDOWNYUEKWNDUWLNSUFLWVSUDLEHDOENSIDBEISBEHENJELBSIEMWUDNRIW KB WOBE JO ON SBEUU HIII S HWS LV W ICH US KB okay this keyboard smash is getting out of hand but uh please do elaborate on that 💘😌???? Like you can‘t just drop that information and not say more??? I forgot if you‘re in like your school‘s drama group (is that a thing? lol idk anything about acting) or in an independent group? Either way - ARIEL that is so fucking cool

Your brothers loooooool, no i get it though obviously you love them and stuff but esp at their age children are so annoying so good luck with them 😭😭😭lmao

Yeah “anyway i imagine being an only child is really calming.. like you have time to yourself and its just you and your parents 😌“ yeah just me and my parents who constantly fight 🥰 lmao no i like being an only child, like i cannot imagine having siblings but i feel like if i had siblings i would be saying that i can‘t imagine being an only child so? but i do think it‘s quite different like i‘m trying to imagine having siblings and WHAT that‘s just so different omg i‘ve never really thought about it like properly ???

I saw a tik tok the other day that was like “sometimes i forget that my siblings have a life of their own. like i see them as side characters in my life“ and even though i can‘t relate obviously i felt that. lol, like i can really imagine how it feels idk what i‘m talking about like shut the fuck up, daria

(also my actual name is daria not aria but i dont like it, and also i wanted to be more anonymous on tumblr so now i‘m aria lmao. pls don‘t mention it though cause no one knows except for you and mel (peterbenjiparker) dkdkdkdnkdnd. but i‘m starting to identify with the name cause everyone keeps calling me that looool😭😭😭 (but i like the name, more than daria anyway? well it also depends on the accent, cause the way germans say daria is okay. the was Americans say it is also okay, but some of my family in England are from the north of england and i don‘t like how they say my name 💀 no offence to them(?) but yeah pls don‘t mention the name in your ask cause the chance of people seeing it is higher then (or if you want to say something about it just send a separate ask and i just won‘t post it (IDK what you‘d want to say about my name but yeah just in case slsldlldmsndnsns)

I‘m loving falcon and winter soldier so much but when i was watching an episode the week before last week (?) my laptop broke😭😭😭😭 during the scene where the dora milaje came at the end my laptop just shut down? And it had these lines all over the screen and i had to bring it to the shop where i bought it and they said it‘ll take 6-8 weeks to repair 💔💔💔 but at least it‘ll be for free, cause if i brought it back to apple it would cost like 400€ (i think that‘s nearly 500$) so yeah. but it sucks cause now i‘m “going to uni“ on a really old rusty laptop and on my phone which kinda sucks. oh yeah and also i can‘t watch anything on there 😭 i definitely want to watch wandavision but it‘ll have to wait🤧

Yessss you should def get your GED! I googled and I‘m still not entirely sure what it is dldks but from how you described it- YES!!!!!!

Idk if you know this? Like no idea if I‘ve told you this already (hmmm wait i feel like we talked about it actually?) anyway i was originally gonna go study in England, but for loads of reasons I ended up staying in Germany and I‘m def happy with my decision, but I definitely want to go to England sometime even if it‘s just for six months or maybe for my masters or something? And (obviously everyone is different) but i think everyone should go abroad and live in a different country once in their life, no matter if it‘s for school or what, and even if it‘s just for a few weeks. But i think that‘s something that you‘d never ever forget! And combining that with your acting/theatre??? You really would be living the dream 💘💘😌

how about burgers, chips (fries), and a large drink? any time next week works for me, should i pick you up?— sounds good see you soon 🥰🥰🥰

i used to be one of the people who‘d just do motherlode motherlode motherlode and just... what did i do? Why did i do that??? But not anymore lol. Like I said i haven‘t played sims in a few weeks but i‘ve been watching a few legacy challenge let‘s plays and usually i play with the aging off. So my sims just don‘t age 💀 but i could (should) turn aging on so that it stays exciting and i have limited time and everything. and once i get bored with my current sims i can just make them have kids and continue playing as their children when they get older- like recently i remembered that i haven‘t played the acting career in ages? and i haven‘t had a shop in ages? and i think you can even become a vet right??? like those are definitely some things i want to do in the next weeks!!! Also yes sksksjs i have a few hundred hours on sims as well (if not thousands 😭) it was just that one household that i‘d been playing with for 24hrs

AND GIRL SSKSKJD THE UNIVERSITY THING HAPPENED TO ME TOO, it was a while ago so i don‘t remember what degree and what job it was about but i made my sim study something for aaaaaages so she‘d get a better job from the beginning (you know what i mean like get in at a higher level)...... and i apparently studied the wrong thing cause i didn‘t get any benefits from studying and still had to start at level 1 and shit 🥴🥲

Oh also (this was like 2 weeks ago) Enisa and Michael did take in Michael‘s daughter and i think Enisa currently even has a higher/better relationship with the daughter than Michael but um💀💀💀 also i was hoping (since michael and enisa married (in their back yard i think lol) that the daughter (i forget what her name is😭) would have enisa as her step mom? Like you know how you can see the relationship and it says daughter or son or sister.. and i was hoping that it would say step mom but it doesn‘t say anything 🥲 but in my mind (and if the sims had proper family relations) she is her step mom😌 also Leo is a teenager now???? I mean I aged him up lol dkdk he was being too annoying as a toddler but i don‘t like children so i aged him up twice in one day and now he‘s a teen, but that means he can look after his half sister when she becomes a toddler which is good (the game recognises them as siblings tho even if they‘re just half siblings? why can‘t they have step family members in the sims🥲) okay i‘ve annoyed you enough with sims ✋🏼

I‘ve been a bit sick these past few days and now i‘m getting a headache so i have to finish this response tomorrow 😭😭😭 </3

.

It‘s not tomorrow, it‘s 3 hours later but i‘m better lol

oooff when sims are ungrateful and won‘t woo woo (lol i like that) cause they‘re too tired like?? Be grateful that you‘re not living with your parents anymore 🙄 no okay dkdkdkdl idk if you play with mods (i don‘t) but i know there is a mod (or it‘s part of a mod idk maybe wicked whims?) where you can adjust the percentage of how risky a normal woo woo is, like you still click woo woo (3dksksks okay i‘ll say woohoo again— wait is that what’s it called? 😭) but there‘s like a 25% chance that your sim can still get pregnant just like in real life there‘s always a chance of getting pregnant even if you‘re using protection (just not 25% lmao) but yeah i personally don‘t play with mods sksk and you can always just click try for baby but it would be cool if you could add stuff like risky woohoo to the game without mods (i have no idea how to download mods and i play sims on a really really old laptop and sims is literally tje only thing that works on it anyway so—) i repeat my words from earlier: okay i‘ve annoyed you enough with sims ✋🏼

okay i‘m so sorry i‘m gonna watch fast & furious 1 now cause i need to watch f&f 1-5 until the 30th of april cause they‘re only on netflix til then (i mean i could watch them somewhere else but the quality is never as good) so i will finish this tomorrow after all😭

it is now 1 am, i finished the film, can feel a new obsession coming up again (i always have these f&f obsessions for six months before and after a new film comes out)

THE GOOGLE TRANSLATE wkekdjdj tbh it sounds like someone is speaking with some kind of foreign accent i guess that‘s probably because it just is a direct translation and so anyway slsjsj i don‘t know if you asked me what the word fucking is in german? like idk cause the translation is a bit weird but in case you asked lol sidjsjs theres not really a good translation like we just say fuck for fuck lmao, i don‘t know if you typed in fucking in google translate and it came out as verdammt? cause that means damn (or damned sksjjs) ummm yeah idek if/what you asked so imma move on🤧

I‘m not gonna comment on what you said about every stormzy song cause you already said all the important things but SKSKSJSJSKNSNDBDUDOENWBSLSKKHSULSLSKSBSJSKSK I WAS SMILING SO HARD WHEN I READ YOUR RESPONSE FOR THE FIRST TIME BECAUSE AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH finally i know someone who loves him as much as i do 💘💘💘 also since you brought it up, i‘m pretty sure he‘s considered the most successful UK rapper or if not then at least top 3 so he‘s defffffffffinitely big in the uk, in germany more and more people are listening to uk rap too but not as much stormzy cause theyre dumb apparently 🙄 but anywY i‘m sooooo sooo happy that you like him. i think hith came out end of 2019 (i could be wrong but i think it came out on the 13th of december so (in a european way) you‘d write the date: 13.12 and obviously i don‘t KNOW this but i can definitely imagine that he chose that date because ACAB and yes, Michael. Yes. But he hasn‘t made too much music since then so i hope he‘s working on some new stuff 🤞🏼

Also i ordered the stormzy poster😌 also a nicki minaj one bc i decided i‘m gonna have one wall with red-ish posters (i already have two kinda red ones) and one with blue/green-ish posters (already have two) and i can add stormzy to the blue one and nicki to the red one, but i think that‘s it cause if my walls are tooo full it could look cluttered? I‘m not sure how that type of thing works lmao but my room is generally untidy so i don‘t want the walls to look unorganised too so i think that‘s it for now

I really want to finish this now but my brain is getting kinda slow and i need to sleep soon so this will have to wait till later after all 🥺🥴 (not that it makes and difference to you bc you‘ll see this whenever i post it buttttt i wanted you to know that i want to talk to you again but with my slow brain i‘m just taking too long to do it in one day😭😭😭 and i‘m so busy tomorrow hmm but i‘m sure i‘ll have 30 minutes to finish this then <3)

Okay wait I‘m so dumb I didn‘t realise I‘d nearly answered everything i could have posted this yesterday 😭😭

Oooohh that summer bra sounds so nice like if i was confident enough i literally would just wear a top that resembles a bra (or really is a bra lol) cause my tiddies always be looking amazing i‘m just insecure about my stomach sometimes 🙄🙄🙄 but recently i‘ve been loving myself more and more tbh 😌

also i hope you can go shopping for some nice clothes soon ✨😌

I‘ll be honest I haven‘t listened to your song recs YET but only because i wanna take my time with them and i‘ve been so busy and slso AJ tracey‘s album came out last week and I haven‘t listened to that one yet either so ekdkdj (he‘s also a uk rapper like quite popular and successful as well, but i feel like i‘m not gonna like his album cause whenever i‘m looking forward to an album it ends up being really bad and the albums where you weren‘t expecting it turn out to be bangers.... so yeah but i‘ll let you know when i listen to your songs!!!! :)

Omg i keep having to scroll up all the way to see the next thing you said so sorry if I completely miss some of the things you said😭😭

So when you sent this the bird was still bothering me oh my FUCK DKDLDMMDMDMD but now i‘ve been going to bed at like 1-2am so the bird is probably still asleep lool

Okay and for the rest of your ask my response is: 💘💖❣️💚❣️💛❣️💛💕💞❤️💓💟💞💕💕💖💘💝💟💟🧡❤️🧡💞💛💚💓💚💚💚❣️🧡💖💘🧡💝🧡💕💘🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥺🥺🥺🥰🥺🥺💘💘💘💘💘 (okay that looked cuter in my head i don‘t really like the green hearts dldkkdksndnd)

[b00bconnoisseur]

60 questions for @not-my-brain

1. selfie.......Ugghhhh ok. Imma take one rn

Ok here u go (yes thats a bmth shirt)

2. what would you name your future kids?.....Ooo hmmm well when i was a kid i really liked the names disney, and mesiah. I didn't know at the time that mesiah was another name for god i think lol. I liked it cause of handlers mesiah. I still do. Ooo and maybe Tj too

3. do you miss anyone?......Yeah. My friends on Pinterest from a year ago. My friend lucas. Stan lee. Bob ross. My cousin who died from cancer some years ago. Snape. Sirius. Lupin. Tonks. Dobby. *continues to name every unfortunate death in hp*

4. what are you looking forward to?.......SE-YA next month!! Its the south eastern young adult festival at this college. You can have meet n greets with authors and alot of stuff its the besstttt

5. is there anyone who can always make you smile?......DEFINATELY. @dirtysocke @mysisterlooksforthisaccountsobye @cristal-kyd1280 @sammchenry my friend lucas and @septembersbloom. ^^

6. is it hard for you to get over someone?..... What like...romantically? Or like a death? If romantically uhhh idk it took over a couple weeks but im ok now. Ive never had another relationship so idk. If death oof yeah idk maybe. Ig it depends on how much i knew them idk. Like when my nanny (great grandma) died i was sad for days (is that alot?)

7. what was your life like last year?.....Sucky af. Still is. But the highlights of my life last year was getting and making friends on tumblr, going to the tøp concert and going to warped tour, volunteering at the library, going to seya and meeting some of my favorite authors, reading, changing and improving my art, listening to all the bands i listen to now, getting into more fandoms, going to a friends house for the first time

8. have you ever cried because you were so annoyed?.......Yes lol. Some years ago when i couldn't find smtn id be so annoyed and pissed id start crying. I dont now but still lol

9. who did you last see in person?.......Hm ig family doesn't count....? Wait do u mean a friend? If so uhh my friends rebekah, anika, and Judah at a TAB meeting at the library sometime last month.

10. are you good at hiding your feelings?......I think so? Like i mean I can hide whenever i get my....time of the month from my mom (talking abt stuff like that with her makes me uncomfortable) and i hid a breakup. And other p big stuff too. So imma say yeah

11. are you listening to music right now?........*pops on earbuds after reading this* yee im listening to bitch lasagna by pewdiepie xD (do i have the best spotify playlist or what?)

12. what is something you want right now?.......To hug @mysisterlooksforthisaccountsobye but SOMEONE has to live so far away

13. how do you feel right now?........Happy that my earbud still works cause they got washed in the wash yesterday....oops. Its not my fault. I told my dad to remind me to take it out of my jacket pocket before they threw it in but noooooo he forgot

14. when was the last time someone of the opposite sex hugged you?.......Uhhhhh fuck idk it was probably from my lil 4 yr old bro sometime last week. Other than him (hes my favorite sibling) i dont let them hug me too much

15. personality description.......Nerdy. Fangirl. "Emo". Tomboy. Hotsause obsessed. Book lover. Music lover. Black. Blue. Harry potter. Introvert. Fall. Sports. Values friendship. Loyal. Uhhhh i cant think of much lol

16. have you ever wanted to tell someone something but you didn’t?.......*sigh* yes. Yes yes yes. Theres some things abt me, or my life really, that i havent told anyone on here or my irl friends that i sooooo want to so bad but i haven't cause i feel like they'd feel bad and pity me and i don't want that

17. opinion on insecurities........I dont really understand this one. Everyones insecure abt something. Is this askin like if i think its ok or not? I say its ok. Im insecure about literally everything about me. My face. My personality. My socialness. My art. What i do. What i say. Basically my whole body. The things i feel good abt are my books, music taste, and my friends (ily fuckers)

18. do you miss how things were a year ago?.........Hmm this time around a year ago....idk its sorta the same but all the stuff i mentioned abt my year from last year didn't happen yet so nah tho my life sucks rn its better than this time last year

19. have you ever been to New York?........Nooo but i want too soo baddd i wanna visit @septembersbloom !! Im coming for ya soon gramps *does the eye watching thing* my dads been to nyc before tho cause he does construction and he had a concrete job to do there. It was a 23 hr drive for him

20. what is your favourite song at the moment?........Uhhh idk!!! So hard! Maybe.....the whole thats the spirit album by bmth ;)

21. age and birthday?.....15 yrs of age and September 27th 2003 (whats yours brainy? I'll put it on my calendar)

22. description of crush......Its weird idk im not sure if its a genuine crush or not but uh....They like hp :).Thats all u get

23. fear(s).......Losing my best friend @dirtysocke and my other friends. Death. Failure. Momo chasing after me then killing me slowly keeping my eyes open to look her dead in the eyes while i die

24. height......5'6 call me short and I'll fuck u up with THIS *pulls out trusty potato peeler named now steve* dont test me boi

25. role model......Hhhhhhhh so many! But uh gosh one of them is @superraedizzle (youtuberrrr) and vexx and bob ross and da vinci and aaaaaaa so many

26. idol(s)......First person that immediately comes to mind is @sammchenry cause he's super cool and he's really nice and his art's reallyyy good (if u havent seen it w-w-what are u even doin with your life?) And he has a great sense of humor and *continues to ramble about why samms the best*

27. things i hate.......Dabs. Transphobes. Homophobic ppl. Basically any hate on the lgbtq+ community. Bullies. The ship starker. Umbridge. Snape haters

28. i’ll love you if….....U you'll eat pizza, draw, and rp harry potter with mee

29. favourite film(s)......Fantastic beasts. Every hp film. Twilight. The maze runner 1-2. The hunger games. Spiderman homecoming. Kingsman: secret service. Into the spideyverse tho i havent seen it yet

30. favourite tv show(s)......Inkmasterrrrr. B99. The mick. The middle. Uhhh idk mostly ink master xD

31. 3 random facts........Ive never had shrimp. I had a beta fish for over a year once. Im eating pizza crust rn

32. are your friends mainly girls or guys?.......G i r l s. I have all girl friends irl and one boy. And on tumblr it seems like i just meet girls? Likei agree with @cristal-kyd1280 its like alot more gals then dudes here. But i do have some guy friends on here too. But mostly girls

33. something you want to learn.......TO DRAW ANATOMY DAMMIT

34. most embarrassing moment........Every moment of my lifes an embarrassing moment. Idk of i can pick a "most" embarrassing one. But one time i i sent my crush (now ex bf) a hey fuckface and like some hearts or whatever for an ask game that meant like "i have a crush on u" "youre adorable" etc and said Hewo but i did it all anonymously. But he confronted me askin if i sent it cause im the only person he knows that actually says hewo lol. Then later on i finally admitted i really liked him and well y'all know the story after i think. Unless you're new

35. favourite subject.......A R TTTT OFC

36. 3 dreams you want to fulfill?........meet my friends on tumblr. Get into mtsu (college i wanna go to) and study art. And go skydiving

37. favourite actor/actress........favorite actor uhhhhhh probably thomas brodie sangster or tom felton and my favorite actress? Hmmm idk maybe evanna lynch (luna lovegood)

38. favourite comedian(s).......probably kevin hart lol he's p funny

39. favourite sport(s)........basketballllllll and football

40. favourite memory........uhhhhh idk?? One oh my favorite memories was when we went to see tøp in concert

41. relationship status.....single as a pringle

42. favourite book(s)......harry potter and the order of the pheonix. Harry potter and the half blood prince. Simon vs the homo sapiens agenda. Divergent. Maze runner. Twilight. Fangirl. Fallen. Red queen

43. favourite song ever.......TOO HARD DONT MAKE ME CHOOSEEEEEE

44. age you get mistaken for.........16 and 17 sometimes lol

45. how you found out about your idol........i was watching someone on yt and superraedizzle always poped up in my feed and my mom turned on one of her vids cause she always saw her vids too now ive seen most of em i love her. Id heard of vexx but never watched him and i was watching a collab from anthony miller art and shrimpy and i checked out shrimpys channel and was lookin at comments and alot of ppl said his art is like vexxs so i checked out vexx. At first i was like eh ok. Now i cant click fast enough when he posts a vid. And i actually fpund out about bob ross from my grandpa on jan 20 2017 when trump was getting sworn in or whatever. We turned on pbs and my grampa told me to look and bob ross was on and i was IN. I loved it. I even started watching full episodes on YouTube of the joy of painting after that. Wonderful man. My first painting i ever did i think was when i followed one of his tutorials xD (i didnt know it was popular at the time)

46. what my last text message says......."ok your turn"

47. turn ons.....uhh nerds ig idk um book lovers, music lovers, art lovers, potterheads, idk and nice ppl

48. turn offs......jerks. Homophobia. Idk ig whatever i said in things i hate

49. where i want to be right now......uhhhh idk wait didn't i already answer this? Ok this ones different ig so uhh with my friend lucas

50. favourite picture of your idol.....oh shit...favorite? Idk xD i have a fave of vexx but not of rae or bob. But heres pics of them any way

51. starsign......a libraaaaa boiii

52. something i’m talented at......drawing and speed reading. Thats about it lol. Oh and procrastina

53. 5 things that make me happy.......ooooo art, my friends here on tumblr, books, harry potter, and music ^^

54. something thats worrying me at the moment.....if my friend thinks im being annoying

55. tumblr friends......hhhhh so manyyyyyy. @dirtysocke @mysisterlooksforthisaccountsobye @cristal-kyd1280 @chinesewaffles2 @kingantlion @queen-baelin @sammchenry @septembersbloom and more

56. favourite food(s)......green beans, pepperoni pizza, and vanilla madelines

57. favourite animal(s).......basically any reptile. Puppies. Cats. Any animal really but my #1 are snakes

58. description of my best friend.....well she's a tiny bean (5 feet) and she has dark hair, she wears glasses, she doesnt take shit, she's in love with Josh dun, she's awesome, funny, nice (YES youre nice jackie) and shes the best friend ive ever had. Oh. And she has a weird obsession with spaghetti

59. why i joined tumblr.......well i heard abt it on Pinterest over a year ago but didnt want it. Then @mrfastbass-deactivated20181231 on DeviantArt said he got tumblr so i made one then followed him and figured id just post art and that's it cause i thought tumblr was boring as hell when i first got it. Now im p much obsessed with it

60. ask me anything you want.......go ahead brainy shoot. Give me smtn good