#the person i am today is a lot of work since i'm... 17? after some stuff had me... reconsider my place and how I was seeing the world

[breaking-binary-system]

So, especially with it being disability pride month, I've noticed something more and more: A lot of people, disabled and able-bodied, give a TON of hate to us ambulatory wheelchair users. So, I decided fuck it let me tell people a story about one.

There was this boy. He grew up with a disabled father and a mother who had a ton of chronic pain. He could see the effects. By the time this boy was 5, his father walked full time on a cane.

When he turned 11, he started suffering from severe debilitating leg pain. To the point he would miss school for days and would spend all day every day sobbing his eyes out from how severe it took, even after taking the max amount of ibuprofen and Tylenol he could. He eventually got into seeing a rheumatologist out of fear it was something rheumatology related.

For 6 years, the boy was constantly in pain and the most he would get told is "well your double jointed that's why you have this much pain, just go do physical therapy". That never helped him. When he turned 17, everything changed.

He went to go see a different doctor at this office, one he had to wait years for since she saw adults and, well, 17 was just close enough to be tolerated. She looked at his blood tests and did a physical and came to a realization.

"It's not that you're double jointed, you have rheumatoid arthritis. It's why your shoulders grind, they lack cartilage now from years of this disorder. Let's do our best to treat it"

That started a year's worth of trial and error before she finally decided to give the boy an immunosuppressant that had worked for his father who also had the disorder. He wasn't cured but, quickly, his symptoms started to go away more and more.

This boy, from the age of 15 on, had to use mobility aids frequently if not all the time. It started with a simple cane and while it helped, his hands couldn't take the pressure on his nerves. So, he tried a walker. And that helped too. Forearm crutches were best to get him still able to have some ability to walk. He found something that made his life a lot easier however.

His grandfather had a multitude of issues, many of which required him to have a wheelchair before he passed. So, his grandfather made it known that any mobility aids the boys father didn't use, the boy was more than welcome to have. So, he decided one day to try and use the wheelchair.

Suddenly things were so much easier. He couldn't walk all the time yes and he didn't need the chair 24/7 but it meant that when his POTS was acting up or he was in a arthritis flare up, he could use a wheelchair and still be mobile. It changed his life. However he wasn't free from shame and hate on how he shouldn't use one.

He was told repeatedly it wasn't that bad and he was being dramatic and was taking away from people who actually needed them. This boy was 18. He had a disorder that was seen as an "old person" disorder. His body was literally attacking itself. And here was a ton of people attacking him for needing a wheelchair or, if he was in a store with them, a mobility scooter.

This boy took months of steady therapy to be willing to even go in public with the wheelchair again. A lot of it took support from his boyfriend and his father who encouraged him and reminded him that it was OKAY to use a mobility aid, even if he didn't need it 24/7.

If you haven't caught on now don't worry, I'll just say it. I am that boy. I still need reminders from my boyfriend or my father that it's okay to need my wheelchair and I'm not stealing anything, my body has day's of different intensities. Take today.

I thought all I would need is forearm crutches and I'm typing this in my wheelchair and I feel a lot better now that I've used it since, due to the fact this chair is meant to be sat in for someone with a disability not just a regular every day chair, my legs are feeling a shit ton better.

My left knee has been in an awful flare up for about a month and a half at this point. Today it got unbearable so I just sat in the wheelchair my dad keeps at his job for me. I can move now without wanting to cry.

This is a really long post and I'm not entirely sure why i started it to be honest, blame the whole "oh yeah I have a CDD" and the fact that, well, I've been diagnosed with ADHD, specifically attention deficit part.

Something I wanna end this long post on. Don't think just because you saw someone walking yesterday or even 10 minutes ago and now they're in a wheelchair that they're faking or something. Shit can change in a matter of MINUTES.

[marimayscarlett]

17 years of "Emigrate" 💿🎶

Today, Richard's first Emigrate album with the title "Emigrate" was published 17 years ago on the 31st of August, 2007. Additional release dates were the 29th of January, 2008 for the US and the 2nd of February, 2008 for Australia.

Recordings for the album took place in Germany, the USA and Denmark, mainly at the Studio Engine 55 in Berlin and New York. Singing and guitar were done by Richard, Arnaud Giroux played bass and Henka Johansson played drums, Olsen Involtini contributed additional guitar sounds and Sascha Moser, the former drummer of Orgasm Death Gimmick, took care of Logic and Pro Tools. Same as several Rammstein albums, this album was produced by Jacob Hellner.

Before the album was released, and even before the promotional CDs were manufactured, the band held a vote on their website. Fans were able to choose which song they wanted to hear in its entirety, after the release of Wake Up. The vote was won by Babe. After that a promotional snippet CD was released, which included both songs in full, but both songs were slightly different versions from the ones later released on the album.

When the CD was released, several promotional sheets were included, among them an interview with Richard. Here he answered question as himself as well as his alter ego "Emigrate", both knew each other for a while and could work well together as they had similar styles and were interested in each other's work. A bit of a peculiar concept, but kind of endearing. The sheets are in german, here is an english translation of this interview.

Here you can see the standard edition inlay, the CD design as well as the alternative cover:

In this interview from one day before the release, Richard explains what kind of meaning the name "Emigrate" has for him and how he came up with it:

Interviewer: And behind this term EMIGRATE, what is the emotional meaning behind it? We know that you chose this name because you went to New York, but...?

Richard: I am someone who wants to be extremely independent. So this project is an emotional release for me. You're constantly faced with fears in your life, and I think there was a certain person waiting inside of me who also wanted to lead her own project, wanted to sing - basically just wanted to be the center of attention. To actually do that in the end, or not to do it, to have to do it, to deal with the public and so on, that certainly has something to do with fear. People always talk a lot, but often don't realize their ideas because they're simply afraid they won't be able to hold their own in the end. I'm glad that I did it.

Interview: Was the name EMIGRATE your preferred name from the beginning or did you also have other name ideas?

Richard: I think names come to you at some point. Searching doesn't help much. At some point I found a piece of paper on the street in New York with “EMIGRATE” written on it. Somehow I thought this word basically described my current state, not only physically but also mentally. Emigrating from my home country, emigrating from the band RAMMSTEIN...it all made sense somehow.

Emigrate entered the German album charts on September 14, 2007 at number 8 and in the following weeks it reached positions 28 and 50, remaining in the Top 100 for a total of five weeks. The song "My world" appeared on the Resident Evil: Extinction - Original Motion Picture Soundtrack.

Two songs were released as singles: "New York City" on the 12th of October, 2007, and "Temptation" on the 7th of March, 2008.

Little personal addition, since this is my favourite Emigrate album and one of my favourite albums ever - here are my three favourite songs from it:

Sources: 1 2 3 4

[lailoken]

I really hate doing this, but earlier today, my puppy Rowland was running outside with his brother when he took a tumble and ended up running straight into an old metal tool of my father-in-law's. The metal caught the flesh on his side in three spots and tore some large and deep gashes in his hide and underlying muscle. Initially, between the blood and the way he was crying and limping, I really thought he had managed to stab himself in the gut, which was a particularly horrifying thought since I was alone in the countryside with no way to get him quick medical help at the time.

After soothing him enough to get a better look at his wounds, I was deeply relieved to see no signs of abdominal perforation, but I was still taken aback by how bad his injuries were and how much he was bleeding. While I waited desperately for my father-in-law to get home and lend me his truck, I gently cleaned Rowland's wounds, and I thank all the gods that I was able to work a successful Blood Stanching charm on him despite the severity of the bleeding. He was already beginning to shiver and drool with nausea, making me think he was starting to go into shock, so I'm not sure how much worse it might have gotten if I hadn't stemmed the flow of bood.

I managed to get him to the vet, where he had to stay for the day being cleaned, treated, and given 15 stitches. He is clearly in a lot of pain and fear, but he should recover fine, which I am beyond grateful for. That being said, though, the veterinary bill was $864 (everything on the itemized invoice below plus an additional $17 for anti-nausea meds that prevent him from throwing up after anesthesia, which could tear his sitches) and while we were able to pull from our savings to pay for this, it's still a rather disheartening financial turn of events. Especially since I've been mostly working free cases the past few weeks, meaning that I've taken in very little money recently. While I trust my spirits to keep our needs met so long as I honor my vows, it would still be nice not to be forced into depleting our life savings.

I held a raffle once to help fundraise for my older dogs who had started a regimen of expensive pain medications at the time, and I am now considering doing this again. Specifically, I am considering raffling off a handmade wooden stave that I'm currently selling for $200. I was thinking that, since this piece is highly unique and fairly expensive, people might want to enter the raffle for $5 a person (using the link I end up providing) and then the winner would be chosen by a random number generator. Whoever won would end up with a $200 Stave of braided thorny Crabapple wood that was harvested from a 120+ year old tree and sealed with a traditional black Hearth Soot stain, for only $5.

Of course, a raffle like this would only be of use if enough people think they would actually consider entering the raffle. After all, if only 20 people entered, I would be selling this $200 piece for $100, which wouldn't help me fund this medical care and would actually lose me money overall. As such, I figured I would make poll to help me gauge the viability of this idea, like I did the last time.

Sorry again to be doing this. I hope you can understand. ♡

[robvandamdatass]

today pluto left capricorn, and entered aquarius where it will be for the next twenty years. i felt the transition .. or maybe it was sleep deprivation. either way, i'm feeling bittersweet about it. here are some unorganized reflections about this time for me:

in astrology, pluto represents transformations and rebirth to whatever it touches. in capricorn, which represents societal structures and government, i think we've all witnessed and woke up to the fuckery of it all.

pluto entered capricorn back in 2008. sixteen years ago! i was either 16 or 17. while in capricorn, pluto transited my seventh house of relationships (whole sign- this could mean any form of relationships. platonic, intimate, enemies, etc.), and transiting my eighth house of death/taxes (placidus- from feb 2019 on until current day where it will journey for the next ten years i believe), really anything money and paperwork related. i guided my mom on how to handle money during this time/mainly 2020 and i began to save for the first time in my life.

a lot has happened to me personally during this time frame, and i grew in so many ways that i cannot articulate. even when i was fighting change, felt unsure or confused, i eventually surrendered to the realities of life and watch society change and crumble around (and not benefit) me at the same time. it was for the best. i had to learn to trust myself in making decisions and to prove to my authoritarian counterparts that i can be trusted in those decisions. being a female, you're forever viewed as inferior and no one ever takes you seriously until its too late. its something i've been challenging since i was 10.

i made many unforgettable connections. i met people i look up to, and engaged in conversations with them (i still can't get over peter buck from rem and meeting s club omgomgomg) and even formed friendships. if you know me irl, i am reserved and uncomfortably shy with a resting bitch face. i look unapproachable. but i am far from this. i realize, everyone is human and feels like this as well. no matter their position in life.

i lost a few friendships too. one in particular was incredibly difficult. but that's when i knew i had to set BOUNDARIES on how i wanted to be treated, and remain firm in them. change was coming at me in different ways. i'm pretty sure the election that year was the culprit as well.

paramore's "after laughter" woke me tf up to a lot of the mentioned above. i cried many nights to that album. i finally understood why i was feeling the way i was. it is still on constant replay to this day.

in january 2017 i was diagnosed with PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome). a chronic hormonal disorder where my ovaries became enlarged and formed small cysts to the outer edges of my ovaries. this put me at risk of diabetes, high cholesterol and infertility.

i began to have irregular bleeding around feb 2011. i was 19 omw to 20. i was having menstrual cycles/periods that lasted more than one month. the longest i experienced had to be approaching three months. i went to the hospital where they tried pushing birth control at me. i refused this as an option. i was not sexually active. why would i use something not for its intended use? i knew the risk of taking birth control, especially as a black woman, how it would react to my body (blood clots, weight gain and other complications). i also knew whatever was happening to my body, BC would further complicate it. i ended up researching home remedies and alternatives, and it worked for a few years. i kept track of how long my periods lasted and/or when i missed cycles. but eventually the irregular bleeding returned in late 2016. pushing one of my many fears aside. i went to the gynecologist for the first time where i was diagnosed.

i was at my highest weight, depressed and ready to end my life. my mom, bless her, guided and reassured me i can and will get better. her unwavering support of me, not only during this time, just in general, is unfathomable. i'm an anxious mess.

i had only told a few people about this. mind you, i was still reeling from the end of said friendships and my trust in people, even to those closest to me, was nonexistent at this time.

i thought it was the end of my dream before it even began. i wanted to be able to have children in a "traditional" way one day. as a child of adoption, in my head, i wanted to prove i can do something natural and right in my lifetime. as an identifying female, and choosing to be celibate from a young age (for non religious reasons), until i found someone who matched my convictions, along with childbearing, it was all i have control as this gender. it was a harsh wake up call to my convictions. it also brought a huge awareness on how i was treating my body and my relationship to food and my psychological being.

since the diagnosis, i lost 32 pounds and have maintained this for four years now (even after covid/2020 where i gained 15 of those pounds back- i lost it quickly the next year as the world began to "open" up again). i want to lose more. but no matter how much exercise i implement, or walks i take, it remains stagnant.

this past summer, i took it upon myself to see every basic doctor. a fear i developed over time: taking care of myself. i hadn't seen most of these doctors since i was a child. i saw regular (blood work was good!), dentist (fear- insecure about my teeth/got some fixed and a very thorough cleaning i've been maintaining since), eye (fear- i developed trichotillomania in 2012 due to financial stress my mom and i were experiencing at the time/i can tell you now since july 2024 i now have eyelashes again and i wear glasses after finding out i have slight astigmatism in my left eye and only having 20/40 vision- something i knew i had a long time ago i just didn't want it confirmed), dermatologist (fear- related to my menstrual cycle/around 13 (pluto in sagittarius was a wild trauma forming time btw more on that for another time) i developed hidradenitis suppurativa- i don't think it had a name at the time and i had no idea how to treat it beyond home remedies/after 20 years, seeing the dermatologist saved my life) and the gynecologist. as of september 2024, after a very painful and annoying ultrasound checkup on my uterus, according to my gynecologist my ovaries were back to normal!!!!!! phew.

it is true if your mental health isn't right, your physical health reflects it. and my life hasn't been an easy one. i do believe everything i've lived through did not help my mental and physical health and growth (scars left on my heart, formed patterns in my mind- is a pmore lyric that comes to mind every time). i internalize like no one's business. but i realize suppressing and avoiding is the wrong route. it has to be released and addressed.

i will continue to manage, and do what i've been doing since being diagnosed, to help my body release and heal from life's hovering death grip and learn to love itself. its astonishing the stress and trauma our bodies store from the time we are born, and builds up over time. we don't notice until its late, and an illness has formed from it.

i took a break from astrology in the early 10's. but i eventually returned to it during my progressed lunar return around 2016/2017/during the beginning stages of my diagnosis. i was looking for answers as to why life was happening so much during those years, and gained a deeper understanding on how it works. lo and behold i was officially becoming an adult who was approaching her saturn return (which coincided with covid/shut down- i was freaking the fuck out but i was prepared mentally because i knew it was coming .. just not in the way it presented itself: the pandemilovato). with pluto creeping up right alongside saturn, it has been a double whammy on my psyche for sure.

as i mentioned above pluto is about transformations. saturn is all about karma and accountability. its about growing the fuck up. for REAL. you cannot avoid what it continuously puts in front of you for so long. the moon is your emotions, and mines were being amplified strongly whether i wanted it to or not.

understanding myself, my life and the way its played out so far and understanding others in this form is a privilege not everyone has and i'm not pushy nor braggy about it. if you know about it, cool. if you know i do readings and interpretations, cool. whenever you're ready to know more, i am more than happy to discuss astrology with you. but i would never try to persuade you. you have to come to that conclusion yourself. i'm just trying to make sense of this world, and be a guidance to those who need an ear to hear.

there was loss on many levels throughout this journey. but i gained knowledge, perspective and so much love for myself.

i come out of all of this knowing my boundaries and who i am in my convictions. to remain calm and still within chaos, internally and externally. accept change, and learn to let go.

[uselessbard1031]

Orphaning My Old Work???

Howdy everyone!

I'll keep this short, but I just wanted to hop on and let you all know that today I orphaned some of my old works on Ao3. I've been wanting to do so for over a year now and finally bit the bullet. Yes, this includes my most popular fic "Legend of Korra X Reader Oneshots" (for anyone whose request I didn't get to, I apologize. I bit off way way more than I could chew with that and have over thirty requests and a dozen half finished fics).

Why?

Well, when I started writing fanfiction for Ao3 I was 17/18 years old. I started publishing said fanfiction at 18/19/20 (19? I think?) and I am now in my mid-twenties so...I've changed. Lol. I've grown up.

When I first started writing I was immature and unexperienced with the world. I wrote for characters I never had attraction to myself (Ex. Adult! Toph, Suyin, Korra, Asami) because people asked me to, I saw those characters got hits, and I wanted to be liked online. It was hard because I didn't see them as romantic interests and I feel the writing suffered for that. Even 'I Bought A War Criminal' (another popular fic I wrote) I fell out of love with Kuvira while writing and it had a rushed ending due to that fact.

The X readers in particular had some smut chapters that explored kinks I don't have and truthfully had never even heard of until reading some other fanfictions. I won't get too personal, but, like many of us on here, I was exposed to way too much shit way too soon in my life so I found new edgy smut topics to keep me engaged. I've since dealt with some of that trauma and also experienced more IRL trauma around relationships and sexuality that make me read some stuff I wrote -- and stuff I READ while underage -- (ex. knife play, non-con, etc) and go woah hey who let me have Wattpad at 12 and what kind of effect did that shit have because--??? (I would like to say that being into certain kinks is not bad and I'm not trying to kink shame but to me I was desensitized due to exposure too young to NSFW material and due to some IRL trauma -- reading and writing that was my way to cope without actually working through any issues. An unhealthy way to cope. I didn't know healthy relationships because everyone in my life up to that point had abused me or hurt me in some way or another either intentionally or unintentionally so I figured Ao3 / Wattpad / Fanfic.net smut wasn't 'that bad'. Now, I deal with my trauma in healthier ways and realize it's just not what I'm into. A lot of it I wasn't even into when I wrote it. But I read it, so I wrote it. Even recently with Outlander I wrote wildshape smut not because I was into it but because all the other Jaheira fics had it and I figured hey it will get views. Because yes, smut gets views).

I'm just not proud of the writing quality. The first chapter of that X Reader Oneshots collection switches tenses like a million times. Who let me do that? Lol. I have a published book IRL that I'm taking down too because omg don't let 17 year olds self-publish XD

The point is, I never really wrote much of that stuff for me. I wrote it to get views. To get comments. To explore things I thought I was suppose to explore. Because no one in my real life was telling me I was good or capable. I wanted reassurance that I was writing the 'edgiest' stuff or the 'fluffiest' or the 'right characters' and the 'right stories'.

Going forward, I want to write for me. It's why I've moved fandoms because yes, I love Legend of Korra and Lin Beifong, but I'm not obsessed with it like I was. I found community in LOK and in AO3 and online in general but, after getting offline -- deleting social media -- reading things other than fanfiction -- basically, as I became less chronically online for the first time since Middle School, I realized that there's so much more out there that I enjoy. And much healthier ways to enjoy it.

I love all of the support you guys have given me and I stand by the amazing love and community I've gotten from all of my commenters and kudos-ers. But those fics just don't represent me anymore. Few of them ever represented me at all. Many were just what I thought would 'sell'.

I want to keep writing, so I will. But for the stories and characters I want to write about in ways that I actually enjoy. I want cute romances and metaphores for life. Writing smut feels like a chore most of the time so I'll probably just fade to black most of the time with a chapter or two exception. I still love fanficton -- it's an artform all its own. But yeah. Anyways, I hope my little ramble here makes sense and I hope you all get what I'm trying to say.

And if you are like past me -- having interacted with the internet and NSFW and smut since a young age and now feeling like every boundary isn't enough in fiction (*clears throat* I see you BookTok wth r those abusive ass relationships you're reading?) just know that maybe that kind of content isn't good for you and know that vanilla isn't lame. Know that you can write the stories and characters you want and that you don't have to write characters you don't want to write or situations that scare you. And you don't have to pretend not to be scared just for the sake of not kink-shaming.

Yeah. Anyway, if ya'll have any questions fell free to reach out to me! I hope you continue to like my work and if you don't, that's fine too. I hope you don't feel like I'm abandoning you. I think I'm just growing up and getting better mentally. <3

~UselessBard1031

[zeondraws]

Finally had time for my boos OCs

Wanted to draw Alondra as study but ended up drawing her brother in. He put the kitchen on fire idk HOW-

Random thoughts down below!

Last four days I have been very productive I've noticed. Just interesting to see, I do manage to work on my projects when the time is there (I always worry I am incapable of working properly, whenever I see all these self employed artists that seem to manage well enough). I specifically took two days off work to clean my apartment and work on stuff. Still have to add something to furniture and wait for my new bookcase but- is going.

Tho I clearly seem to be afraid of paperwork, that fear keeps festering. Hm, I at least have therapy today, hope new therapist will be OK.

I always seem to work on something every day, tho I also have been living alone for years and it sometimes feels very lonely being in my apartment on my own (Tho I am also very used to being alone, sometimes I prefer it). Yesterday, my uncle told me I can turn to him to talk about anything etc. But I just know, if I talk about my feelings too often, he'll get offended at some point.

While I draw is the only time I can finally shed a tear, sometimes at least. It is therapeutic in some way. Also I started listening to a German youtuber hyper analyse every 5min of the first harry potter movie yesterday- She has like 30 episodes that take around 40-60min each. It's wild but also very interesting to listen to while drawing. (German folks may know about Coldmirror) Freaking giggled at some parts, a friend of mine joined the vc session and listened along, was fun.

But ye I hope I can go back to having proper therapy the coming months and sort some problems, I'm too scared to talk to anyone with. I think one topic that makes me feel incredibly awkward, that I have mentioned a bunch of time already? Is probably about love, but it makes me feel very weird. I still remember as a child where I got a crush on cartoon characters and it wasn't really bad. Tho I stopped trying to have that feeling after I obsessed over my chem teacher at the age of 16-17. It makes me feel very awkward to this day and sometimes feels very painful.

I'm turning 23 in about a month, which is wild to think. So much happened, since I left my uncles house. (for context I have two)

But I think developing a crush on a fictional character now makes me feel very weird. I don't know how to feel about it because I avoided having such feelings for ages, because this entire topic among other things has a lot of bad memories attached to it. There is some trauma that is waaaayy too personal, that I couldn't say here. At least not in the near future. But ugh I get emotional just thinking about it, for some reason it brings me back to child me playing uno on my own. Didn't really have many people to play with. Instead I hung out with my imaginary OCs and did stuff with them. They still help me out, whenever I need to overcome a challenge. Or me just imagining them, following me along in the mall. My favourites atm are Edwin and Kirsten, two of my Bus OCs.

Seems therapy, art and just writing my feelings down somewhere online helped the most. I tried doing a diary, but it sadly didn't work long term. If I could have a family member I can vent to instead, I'd be happy to but don't think it's given. I think even a partner scares me too much, I firstly want to be on my own rn.

Okay! I go relax today, busbusbusbusbusbusbusbusbus

[sunset-a-story]

Get To Know Your Moots Writeblr Interview

Thank you to @ceph-the-ghost-writer who tagged me in this and you should def go read their post here! And thanks to @davycoquette for creating the event!

On the Tumblr Writing Community

How long have you had your writing Tumblr/Writeblr?

Since November 2022

What led you to create it?

After having a beyond shitty 2020-2021 and pulling away from social media in general, a friend suggested I give tumblr a shot. I was also desperately looking for beta readers for Sunset and wanted to get involved in a writer community.

What’s your favorite thing about the Writeblr community?

The people! Getting to connect with writers whose brains work like mine!! And getting to rotate their ocs in my head! I've made some incredible friendships through writeblr that I wouldn't trade for anything.

What’s one thing you’d like your mutuals to know about you?

I am as obsessed about Sunset as I seem (possibly more--let's not get into it) but I also love listening to people talk about the things they're obsessed with so I'm always up to exchange some excitement about our respective projects. Also, I'm hella dyslexic so if we chat, be warned you may get some word salad from me sometimes.

Is there anything you’d like to see more of on your dash?

I love seeing little quotes or snippets of info about OCs that help me become obsessed with them. And out of context lines/dialogue! Those are always a delight.

What tips/advice do you have for someone who made a Writeblr today?

Just put yourself out there! It took me a long time to be comfortable posting anything at all but that's the only way people can get a sense of your stories. Also, don't be scared to reach out to other writeblrs through asks and dms. We're a shy breed but once you corner us into a conversations, you've unleashed a flood of excitement.

WIP it Good

Which Works-in-Progress (WIPs) or writing projects are you noodling about, lately?

Sunset is my main project that I'm writing with my partner @touloserlautrec. It's a behemoth 2,000+ pages of converging plotlines and slow burn romance and intrigue and monster hunting. It's everything I love in a story wrapped up into one. Volume 1 (Sunrise) is out, Volume 2 (High Noon) is releasing weekly, and Volume 3 (Sunset) is probably 75% drafted. (Links in my intro if this somehow reaches someone who isn't already following me.) I've also been poking at a fluff side project to blow off steam for the first time in forever. It's a fluffy romance urban/fantasy with fae and a gay strip club. Just 'cause. I don't know that I'll ever post what I'm writing of this, but who knows?

How long have you been working on them?

Sunset for about 17 years, but seriously writing it for the past 8 years. Fluff Side Project? A month?

Do you remember what inspired them/what got you started?

I ran an in-person RPG back in college that led Tou and I to create the world of Sunset and the initial core cast (Reeve, Alex, Hannah, Gareth, Misha, Adler) and then it all spiraled out from there. Fluff Side Project comes from some characters we made just playing around in a world we created as a no-stress play zone. The problems are smaller. The stakes are nothing like the high tension world of Sunset. It's fun. It's gay as hell. It's fluffy. And July is my least favorite month so I decided, hey, why not write it down while I've got writer's block for Sunset?

How much time, in your best estimation, do you spend thinking about them?

Sunset: 28 hours a day. Fluff: I squeeze in 3 or 4 hours in the evening.

When someone asks the dreaded, “What do you write about,” question, what do you usually say?

I struggle to answer this question and it depends on who is asking. If it's on tumblr? I say I write science-fantasy slow build action with horror elements and lots of intrigue. IRL? I deflect.

What do you want to say (if it’s different from what you do say)?

I write about ruining Alex and Reeve's life.

Let’s Rotate Blorbos

Name any characters you created.

There. Are. Too. Many. My favorite babies from my head are Reeve, Penn, Marek, and Anise.

Who’s the most unhinged?

Hannah is my most unhinged trash-panda gremlin. My nudist sniper. Ace Queen. Never shave, never surrender.

Who comes the most naturally for you to write?

Reeve. And yes, that does worry me. (And my therapist.)

Do you ever cringe at them?

The #drag Reeve tag is a thing for a reason. (But really, I love him dearly and he doesn't truly deserve to be dragged as much as he is imo. It's a good bit tho)

How much control do you feel you have over your characters?

I can wrangle when I need to but they do feel like independent little critters in my head. Writing for me tends to be me transcribing the movie I'm watching in my head while muttering, "OHMYGOD Hannah are you seriously going to say that? What is wrong with you?" Or "Reeve. Reeve. REEVE NO."

Do you enjoy people asking questions about your characters?

OMFG YES. Please give me any excuse to talk about these guys.

On Writeblr Engagement

What makes you want to follow another Writeblr account?

If I jive with their WIP concepts or they have interesting OCs. Fantasy or sci-fi elements. Queerness. I'm more likely to follow if their intro has something about wanting to connect writers who are looking to hype each other up because that is what I am also looking for.

What makes you decide against following?

If their blog is full of hateful stuff or just super negative.

Do you interact with non-mutuals often?

Sure! I'm new enough to Tumblr that the lore of mutuals and non-mutuals hasn't rooted in my brain enough for me to super know which is which in my feed except for my small core group of moots I talk to regularly. So I interact with whatever posts catch my attention, moot or not.

Do your mutuals’ characters occupy space in your noodle?

OHMYGODYES. There is a little mobile of characters and animals (a fish and some frogs) that dangles over my little brain threatening to distract me at all times.

I'll no-pressure tag some of my beloved moots here that I haven't seen recently tagged with this: @scribe-of-stories @words-after-midnight @pandoras-comment-box @revenantlore

@void-botanist @covenscribe And of course, anyone else who wants to do it!

You can find the clean question template here

[ordinaryschmuck]

Good things that happened today:

Watched the first episode of the new season of Bob's Burgers. Weird that Season Fourteen just ended last week while this season is starting just now, but that's what happens when a show...went through whatever the hell Bob's Burgers did.

Started Season 17 of The Simpsons, and I liked the episode "The Girl Who Slept Too Little." The plot seemed congruent and had some really good gags that had me laughing hard with it. And it's been a while since watching a Simpsons episode do that to me.

My toilet got fixed. Finally. After two days straight of pooping in my Mom's bathroom, which is an awkward situation I'm glad to be done with.

Watched a hilarious and wholesome fan animatic of Gravity Falls that has not left my head all day. I am obsessed with it, it's so good.

And...that's all that happened to me before going to work. Yeah, work was filled with working in the hot sun (even though it's almost OCTOBER!), giving customers a lot of orders on a day we had next to NO ONE in work, and having bowl problems to the point where, after so much pooping, my asshole felt shredded. I even spent a majority of my lunch break on the toilet, to the point where the bathroom's light shut off because it assumed no one was in it anymore, forcing me to poop in the DARK. Again, not that great of a day. It fucking sucked, and it sucked more knowing that my day peaked in the beginning. I fucking hated it, and I'm taking Tuesday off. I need it.

Anyways, here's five good things about me:

I'm not an awful person.

I've gotten better at keeping my cool. Today's the first in a long time since almost losing my mind, and I'm proud of that.

I know when I need a break after a stressful day.

I am kind when it counts.

I have a decent sense of humor.

[soupedepates]

Bronya belongs to @noa-de-cajou

TW: Transphobia, mention of overdose

I took Bronya with me today because she was there this morning with me at the hospital when Adelajda called me

She came (I don't know why)

And she can shush the storm in my head

When she talks and talks and talks

She curses a lot

And she should pursue her studies

"But no, you want to be an artist"

"You're not my mother, Zuza. This is what I want. I can do what I want. I am an adult now and this is my life."

"I am just worried about your future"

"I know Zuz, that's why I tolerate your boomer talk."

She gives me a grin

I like this kid

"I am not even a boomer, I'm only 47."

"O-old."

I park my car down a block of council flats

Grey buildings with laundry on some balconies

"So now what?"

"We wait, Bronya, we wait"

But we don't have to wait for long

Something flies out of a window at the 4th story

It's a backpack

"I'll just go fetch it, sit on the bench, ok?"

They shout in Polish

A botched Polish

But only swear words

I know they have a difficult relationship

I retrieve the backpack and go back to Bronya

"She will go down in about a minute or two"

"I have a lot of questions."

"Go on"

"Why has she come here in the first place? She doesn't seem really welcome."

"It's her youngest brother's birthday

He wanted her to come"

"Like she cares about somebody other than her hellspawn of a son?"

She chuckles

"You don't really know her"

"I don't need to."

"You're misjudging her"

"Nah, I like her. Half of the time. She gives good advice. But I think we are the other half of the time."

A jacket flies out of the same window

"Called it. You really have an... interesting taste in women, Zuz."

Two ginger-haired persons

A man and my girlfriend

Are throwing fists on the balcony

A meek woman older than me is looking at them

She didn't try to separate them

She seems to talk

But they can't hear her I suppose

Two younger men step in and push them apart

And now we can hear them for they are shouting

"You two always making things difficult! For fuck's sake Lech, you're almost forty! And you, are you proud of you, Efrem, for ruining Aleksy's birthday?"

"For the last time..."

Oh no

"MY NAME IS IDALIA!"

She throws a plant out of the balcony

Almost killing the poor old man walking his dog nearby

"You think people called the cops?"

"They would be here by now if they did, Bronya"

(From what my girlfriend said to me

The neighbours are accustomed to frequent violent outbursts in the Lupsowiec's place

They once called the police on 13-year-old Idalia and 17-year-old Lech fighting

They just spent the afternoon at the station

What do you want to do when the parents won't raise their difficult child and let the oldest run the house?)

Now she is storming out off the place

You can almost hear the door being slammed

She is now in the street

She sees us

She sees me holding her backpack

"I'm sorry it went so bad"

"You're sorry? You really think I want your pity right now?!"

"I-" "It's YOU who encouraged me to go! I listen to YOU, and that's what happened! What was the plan? You're miserable 'cause your youngest doesn't want to see you so you want me to be miserable too?"

She angrily shouts

(I can't fight back I'm frozen)

But she stops and for a split second she looks horrified by what she is doing

And yet she continues

(I am biting my cheeks not to cry today is already difficult enough

But Idalia doesn't need to know I spent half of the day at the hospital

Since she left for work until she sent me a text about how bad it was going with her family

By the side of my son who almost killed himself at his aunt's

Adelajda was crying and I had to comfort her

She was looking after the kids and she was focused on the younglings

Agatka and Czcibor are almost major so I don't blame her

She told me Agatka came to her in tears because her twin brother was cold and unconscious

I don't hear my girlfriend anymore I just hear the sound of the respirator

"Fuck you Idalia, is Zuza your woman or your punchingball?"

Bronya brings me back to reality

"Fucking hell, she came aaaaall the way from the ER to fetch your shitface and you thank her like that? No wonder your baby mama left you. Damn girl, you can be a fucking great friend but why half of the time you're like, the lowest scum of the Earth? What's next? You're on your wifebeater era? Fuck, and Bazya thinks he can make you change? He is full of shit and you're like everyone's crazy ex."

Then she hits my leg lightly with her cane

"Dump her, Zuz, you def' can't fix her."

The face I love blanches

"I am so sorry Zuza I really didn't mean to I..."

"It's okay

I know you had a rough day"

"C'me on Zuz, you're... Oh fuck, I'll go wait in the car."

And away she goes

"You won't leave me, right?"

"I promise"

And we will talk in bed tonight

Her hand in my hair

And everything will be fine again

"Oh I made you cry I'm so sorry!"

She takes my face between her hands to erase the tears rolling down my cheeks

"I'm tired"

She seems worried

"When we're home I'll draw you a bath. I'll make up for... being an idiot, I suppose."

"A fucking asshole and a huge dick."

Bronya has heard you and she is quick to reply

"All that the kid says."

Bronya goes back in the car again

And she actives the headlights

She's getting impatient

Idalia listens to Bronya more than she does to the others

Perhaps because they're kind of alike

I head back to the car holding my lover's hand

I am so tired

[writteninthesewalls28]

Family

A story about a girl wanting to find out the truth

A/n: chapter seven!

Warnings: mentions of death

Milly’s POV:

After a full night of sleep with Calum next to me, I woke up the next morning, pretty relaxed. With the soft smell of vanilla, probably still from the scented candles we put on yesterday, I got out of the cuddly bed after noticing that Calum wasn’t next to me anymore. Every once a week, he gets up before me, carefully, so he doesn’t wake me up, and prepares breakfast with the things I love the most: pancakes, breakfast tea (yes, I am a full brit when it’s about that), honey, peanut butter and fresh fruits. It is a tradition we picked up from Calums mum, who did it for him and his sister when they were little. I, sadly, never got to experience that since my mum had to work a lot during mine, Louis' and Félicité's childhood. When we were older, we sometimes tried doing it for the younger kids, but 3 to 4 teenagers (ages 14-17) in a kitchen is not working out in the slightest. You simply couldn’t call the pancakes pancakes because they were burnt half of the time. But we had fun doing it and it helped keeping the mood up in the rainy Doncaster.

As soon as I stepped out of the bedroom door, I already heard Calum moving and working in the kitchen. When he saw me entering the room, he gave me a sweet smile and I myself felt like the honey he put on the table at that moment. How can someone be that perfect?

"Good morning beautiful!" He greeted me and gave a quick kiss on the cheek while carefully turning around the delicious looking pancakes in the pan.

"Morning, thanks for doing all this." I said, not really knowing how to thank him for all the extra work he does, just for me.

"Oh, no need to thank me, I love making you happy!" My Calum. He’s simply the best. "Come on, sit down princess, I'll do the work today!"

————————————

After the long but definitely good breakfast, me and Cal spent some time talking about upcoming events.

"We’re putting together a tour list at the moment. Should I show it to you, so you can think about coming to some of them?" Calum knew, I‘d love to just come with the boys on tour, but my job of course didn’t allow me a break of 6 months, so I‘m always very involved in the tour planning with the boys, to get to see them at least 3 times.

"Yes, I'd love that. By the way, how’s the album, how many songs do you have?" Calum and I are both very introverted and private about our job life, so even though we understand each other blind, we mostly don’t really have that much knowledge about one another’s job.

"We got around 5 songs where we are pretty sure, we’re gonna put them on the album they’re simply amazing." He sighed. "But other than that, we seem to have a lack of inspiration at the moment. All of us." It felt good to have a complete platonic talk with him, not even wasting a single thought about the whole googling-the-names thing because if I'm being honest I am kind of scared about that. I'd rather just not do it and pretend it isn’t even there.

Before I could answer Calum, we heard the doorbell ring. We looked at each other. "Did the boys say, they want to come today?" I whispered at Calum. He just shook his head as a response.

Slowly making my way to the door, I wondered who'd have the idea to visit us at a Tuesday morning at 10 am. Opening the door, the familiar face of an irish person, wearing one of his beloved cardigans in a soft baby blue and his strong accent when he said:

"Missed me?" Made me jump into his arms, screaming because of how happy I was to finally get the chance to see my best friend again.

"Nialler!! I missed you so much!"

Me and Niall definitely do have some history. As soon as Louis got put into 1D and the five lads started to hang out more, I of course also met them, shortly before I went to Australia for the exchange year, and immediately became best friend with Niall. You know, these weird people where you think, they have to be dating because they act so couple-like, but are actually just best friends? Yeah, that’s us. I remember having a very exhausting 30-minutes talk with Louis just because he was convinced I was hiding the fact from him that I was dating his friend Niall (which I‘d never even dare to do, he would’ve killed me) and then couldn’t believe we literally were JUST friends.

I really hope no one ever finds these chaotic photos from 2013 on my phone where I was on tour with them. Me and Niall used to cause so many problems and make the most chaotic things ever, but it was the best time of my life, even now.

"Why are you here though?" I asked after letting go of him. He looked at me with a huge grin on his face, showing he loves being with me as much as I do.

"I haven’t seen y'all in too long and since I do not have anything to do at the moment, I thought why not visit my bestie and her Australian boyfriend in this little city called Adelaide." Calum approached us from behind laying his arm around my shoulder.

"Not to mention that we just talked yesterday." He said, earning a confused look from me.

"I sent him songs." Calum informed me. I pouted.

"I didn’t even got to hear them, but you are showing them to my bestie?“ I asked. Niall simply couldn’t stop laughing, he wasn’t used to the daily banter me and Calum had whenever other people were around since he wasn’t visiting us that often, mostly also busy with touring, songwriting and promoting new stuff.

But that only made me even happier he was there right now.

"Come inside!“ I said to him, stepping away from the doorstep, to let him in our house.

The break I took from work, originally for other reasons, was the best idea ever. I got to catch up with Niall and we talked about the last year that we haven’t seen each other. Currently, all of my musician friends - which are basically all of my friends - are working on albums and preparing a world tour, also including Niall. He’s writing songs, already played some for me, and is gonna call his second album 'Heartbreak Weather' because of his breakup last summer, his songs representing his feelings to different times during the relationship.

"And how are you?" He asked me, after he literally talked for over 1 and a half hours about himself and how he’s doing. But I totally appreciated it, catching up with my friends, especially with him, was something I always enjoyed.

"I'm… good." I said, not sure, if I'd upset another important person in my life with breaking the current news to him. So that sentence seemed to describe my current state pretty perfectly.

Niall raised his eyebrows, immediately seeing through my lie, simply debating if he should say something about it. He decided to just let me go with it right now.

"Okay, that’s amazing!" In this moment, Calum entered the living room again, sitting down exactly in the same spot as yesterday when I came home and had that horrible conversation with Lou. For a moment, I couldn’t focus on what the two of them were talking about. I got lost in my thoughts, having a flashback from yesterday, how Cal comforted me, understanding how much Louis words hurt me. Is Louis okay now? Is he still angry? I stared at the spot on the comfy couch and stopped breathing for a second.

"Milly?" Calum said, waving both of his hands in front of my face.

"Sorry, what were you saying?" I responded, snapping out of the weird situation I was in seconds ago. I was completely unsure and also scared what just happened, it felt like, someone held me underwater and I couldn’t break out of it.

Both of the men looked at me with a both worried and concerned look in their face.

"Are you okay? You are really pale." Calum said, softly placing his warm hand on my shoulder. Was there fear in his eyes?

"I'm not feeling so good right now, I’m gonna go upstairs for a bit." Seeing the worried look Calum gave me as he let me go, I added: "Don’t worry, I just forgot to take my medicine this morning." Which was the truth, I indeed forgot to take my pills to make sure my blood pressure stays okay and I don’t faint all of a sudden, but I never got this weird feeling from not taking them.

Cal's POV:

Of course he was worried when he saw her go up the stairs in a very slow pace, also scared she’s gonna faint on the stairs. But Niall asked him a way more important question in the mean time, he couldn’t seem to ignore.

"Why are both of you acting so strange? Please don’t tell me it’s nothing, I know there is something going on."

As much as he felt like ignoring this would be the best idea, his inner voice didn’t stop telling him that if he’d talk to Niall about Milly’s father’s death, everything will get a little easier, he won’t have to handle the whole situation and his knowledge completely on his own. Someone else would know.

"Milly is searching for her biological parents." All of the color in Nialls face who was sitting right beside him, suddenly vanished and he nearly got as pale as Milly was before she went upstairs.

"Oh no…. How is Louis?" Niall seemed to know that he doesn’t have to worry about his best friend, Calum would take care of her. But he knew Louis better than anyone else, he’s too protective to just not care.

"He and Milly had a fight on the phone yesterday, she was away for 8 hours and forgot to answer her phone while visiting the empty house of her biological parents." Calum explained the poor situation between the two siblings. He continued telling him about everything else Milly went through yesterday, not leaving out a single detail, and Niall got more and more uncomfortable on the sofa. When he finished a awkward silences stood between them, like a wall was built up in the middle of the sofa, Niall being the first to break it.

"And you? You seem to deal with something too." Calum definitely was surprised Niall also noticed that, since Calum tried hiding it pretty successfully in front of Milly, as much as he could tell.

"Well…" He tried thinking about a more gentle way of explaining his misery to Niall, but didn’t get a single idea. "I googled their names. I know I shouldn’t have done that since Milly basically forbid me to do anything without her consent, but I just need to protect her you know?" He took a deep breath before continuing.

"I found a obituary. And-" His voice cracked, he didn’t know how to finish this sentence, why he even started it in the first place.

Niall placed both of his hands on Calum shoulders.

"What happened?" Calum could easily spot the fear in Nialls tone.

"And it said that her father died right before her birth, that’s probably why she was adopted." He finally said it out loud. How relieved he felt. He finally got to say it.

But Niall obviously wasn’t very happy about that piece of information.

"He’s dead?" He asked one more time, getting a little nod from Calum. Milly really didn’t deserve this. She is such an amazing girl who is already dealing with so much in her life, death sadly being an important part of it. He'd love to just hide it from her for forever and make sure she never finds out, just to protect her.

"You have to tell her." Niall then said, much to Calum’s surprise.

"But Niall, do you understand this? He died, Milly maybe won't recover from another death in her family!" He tried explaining it to his old friend with a desperate tone in his voice.

"But what do you think will she do if she finds out, he boyfriend knew all along? Be happy that you tried 'protecting' her? She’s not gonna appreciate your concern for her, not this time Calum!" He got louder and louder, causing Calum to bring more space between them by sitting back a bit. He knew, Niall was right, he already felt it last night that his decision isn’t the best. But something in Calum still made him believe that this is the best way of dealing with the current situation.

[darker-overlord]

whoa, she launched!

happy launch day, kayo! she's my little pookie i love her so much that i bully her constantly through the narrative

in honor of today, i'll be dumping some REALLY old doodles (really old = two-three months ago) when i started working on her! unlike most of my dumps, i'll be describing and giving more context to the drawings! think of it as a little timeline of her development :D

*the oc blog is @lilies-and-forget-me-nots .. i forgor

drawing 1: our earliest kayo?!

this was dated january 17 2023. yeah. 2023. this year.

geez, was that really my art style just three months ago?

yes, unfortunately. though i'll attribute the fact that kayo looks 12 here mostly to the fact that i was still getting used to using an ipad to draw--still, you can really see that i had her design 90% down from the start. just changed her parting a little and removed the flower accessory + little ombre(?) in her hair.

at first, she was going to be a LOT closer to yui, but then if she was, she would've intervened as early as more blood, which was not something i was aiming for. plus, isn't it more fun thinking that she barely knows her (and yet pulls the stunt of taking her place for her sake... what a loser)

also, at first, she was going to just be straight up meaner for no reason. like literally just the worst person you can think of, but a problem with that is that she would definitely get killed if she was just horrible and toxic. plus, that was kind of boring on my end as well, so she kind of turned into a meowmeow.

adding to the old concept though, all her endings were supposed to be bad endings! then i scrapped that really quickly when i changed her personality...

drawing 2: our earliest hunter!

same day as the first drawing... yeouch.

as you can see, her hair was supposed to be a lot neater--and flatter--as a hunter. the cross clip is a lot smaller, and her palette was all over the place. like come on, why is her coat pink??

speaking of which, i changed hunter kayo to being a little messier than her old version because of a change in personality. this proto-hunter kayo still feels emotions very well. in fact, even more intensely than bride kayo. she's constantly angry--for what she went through as a young girl, for losing her eye--just a lot of things.

kind of funny that her personality pulled a 180 lawl

drawing 3: early outfit dump

i made the file for this drawing on january 19, but i believe i updated it as late as early march.

as you can see, it's really just outfit concepts. most of them are the same as the current outfit concept art--thanks to, well, me updating this file until march. you might be familiar with the three on the right, and the lost eden + dark fate outfit is practically the same as the one i posted. the hdb/mb outfit changed the most out of those three: i suctioned it to kayo's body to emphasize her figure more lol (i am the biggest kayo simp in the end)

as for the first two, you can see they were labelled for chaos lineage and lunatic parade! the chaos lineage outfit is probably already like 90% down for me, but the lunatic parade one is peculiar because, well, i scrapped it entirely. it's a cute outfit, for sure, but i didn't think it was kayo's style in the end. perhaps it might get the same hdb/mb outfit treatment and get tweaked to match her better, but i think her current lunatic parade design is solid!

drawing 4: early cg concepts

this was dated feb 25!

honestly, this is still really good, and i'm still planning on adding this scenario to laito's route. it's just that, once again, kayo is suffering from the bug-eyed twelve year old syndrome i was going through since january. plus i was (still am) bad at drawing men, so laito kind of came out looking like a really strange looking lady lol. it's so embarrassing i even had to crop it out.

drawing(s) 5: whoa sailor outfits?!

i actually drew this just two weeks after the last one--march 10th! you can clearly see my art style shifting at this point; i'm starting to think it's the switch from sketching with a soft brush to a hard brush.

this was, if you didn't already guess, in honor of the aquamarine series! of course, there are two: one for the hunter and one for the bride!

i have this running theme of "what would reiji (biggest discreet pervert) make bride kayo wear?" and that man loves his kayo legs, so naturally she had to wear thigh highs and an awkwardly short skirt. at least hunter kayo got away with just a crop top.

you can see something hanging on the hunter's waist--it's actually a demon hunting relic!

drawing 6: hunter kayo in ryotei au cgs?!

very recent drawing--dated march 29!

now, hunter kayo actually doesn't attend ryotei at any point of the series. it just so happens that i thought she'd look really hot in the uniform, and ta-da--i made an au! being an au, it's not canon, but i like to think she has a small route with shuu that doesn't really end well as you'd expect.

still, the sight of her kissing him as he bites on her knife is very very cool. keep up the good work hunter!

drawing 7: late highschool kayo!

the final doodle--dated less than a week ago!

this is really just kayo in high school after seiji's treatment of her started getting to her properly. i wonder what she's praying and why...

BONUS 1: CATGIRL KAYO!!

i was in the middle of making this post when a certain catboy-baiter (@poohwhin side eyes...) posted................

i love humans with animal features (i.e. not humanoid animals aka what you'd typically think of when you think of furries...) and genshin already devastated me with not only keqing but DEHYA being fake catgirls, so to recover emotionally i naturally made kayo a catgirl. ougggg she's so cute

BONUS 2: a kayoyui route?!

Yes. and it's finished. i just have to make the cgs and post it.

i mostly made it as a kind of exercise in making routes, since, well, i have to start making a lot. it only has five individual scenarios in the dark, manic, and ecstasy section, but it still has a prologue and epilogue. there are also only two endings!

it also serves to delve a bit more into the hunter's character, since bride kayo is the main focus of the blog. let's give her a little love, yknow!! even if she can't give any back...

[rosysugarr]

I do wanna say tho, like... there is something I've seen among cranboo/cbeeduo fans that kinda bothers me a little? And like, maybe it's just a personal thing, I don't think people like this are bad evil people who deserve a ten thousand note callout post or anything, but. For me personally, it bothers me when I see people who were boobers in 2021-2022 and then Immediately lost interest after the dsmp ended, to the point of ignoring anything Ranboo has done since? But they still stay obsessed with their dsmp era stuff. Like obviously, you're not wrong for only enjoying a certain era of a creator's work or something, you aren't Required to always love everything a creator whose work you liked does forever, but. Idk, the way some folks act, it feels like they're almost upset that Ranboo is doing other things and rebranded and isn't interested in minecraft content anymore? Like, not just that they're not interested in the new stuff, but that they're actively upset they aren't doing the same content still today.

And it's like. I get missing the old stuff, I personally miss it a lot, but it feels unfair to immediately dump them and ignore any of their newer work when they stopped making the one thing you cared about, and to be almost hostile about it along the way? Like at least give the newer stuff a try, and recognize how unfair it is to expect a creator who was 17 when they first started to continue doing the exact same thing forever, yknow?

(IMPORTANT NOTE: I am Not saying no one is ever allowed to be sad about missing old stuff! Or to continue creating stuff for it and talking about it! You definitely can and should do those things if you want to! What I'm saying is that it feels like some people are upset that Ranboo wants to move on and do other stuff and THAT is what bothers me. Like it's less clinging to the past that bothers me and more "clinging to the past to the point of hostility towards any newer work they do.")

[clairenovaking]

20 questions for fic writers

Tagged by the ever lovely @oliviassunrise - thank you friend!!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

521

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

as of today i have posted 1,189,141 words, which makes me feel insane!

3. What fandoms do you write for?

i have written for a lot of them, but the current three are the last of us (tess/joel), the hunger games (haymitch/effie), and fringe (peter/olivia).

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

but home was a dream (one that i'd never seen until you came along) [jopper]

i am still looking (even when i look away) [kate/yelena]

this is home [philinda & philindaisy]

your heart is a masterpiece [melinda & daisy]

how everything still turns to gold [tessjoel]

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

i do!! i'm terrible at it and usually very late but i cherish every single person who leaves me a comment.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

probably confined, where tess is captured by fireflies and has no hope of escape.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

probably my tessjoel summer anthology fic!

8. Do you get hate on fics?

not usually? if i do i'll just delete it and move on, tbh.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

i do lmao it is a majority of what i write nowadays if i'm being honest?? i did kinktober and had an absolute blast, especially because i wrote some kinks i never had before.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

i have! i've written plenty of marvel crossovers, but the silliest one was wayyyy back in my ncis days- i wrote a jenny shepard/bruce wayne crackship fic, haha.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

i don't think so?? if i do i don't know about it lmao

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

i have not!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

back in my sons of anarchy days i used to rp gemma/clay, does that count?

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

i'm gonna be honest- i don't have one. i love each ship so deeply in the moment that it always feels like the all-time favorite! like right now, it's tessjoel. but two years ago it was jopper. before that, it was philinda. before that, riverdoctor. and so on, and so forth. i just love what i love, man.

15. What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Honestly, my maydaisy + avengers au that has sat unfinished since 2017 haha. i had such a great plan for it and then aos broke my heart and i got discouraged. i really should go back to it because melinda + the avengers is my favorite thing.

16. What are your writing strengths?

description. i have a very flowery writing style that lends itself better to descriptive scenes.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

starting too many projects for my pea brain to keep up with

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

i've added bits and pieces of other languages to my fics before and it is always after intense googling, haha.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

NCIS, for my beloved jenny/gibbs <3

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

this is so tough!! i have been writing for nearly half my life now so i've written so much. but i really really loved i lost a part of me out there, a tessjoel time travel au borrowed from one of my favorite tessjoel writer's verses. i think it's some of my favorite writing ever. but also the jopper marriage law fic (my top kudos fic) is my absolute pride and joy.

tagging @wardenannie @sassymajesty @professortennant @wistfulwatcher and anyone that wants to do this <333

[words-after-midnight]

Hi! I went through the libaw tag while I was bored and???? It's so good??????

I am in love with Gabriel now. New blorbo acquired. All your snippets are great. And also all your chapter titles are fire.

Idk where you're at with the querying but best of luck on that. I wanna see this published so I can devour it.

Just wanted to say how much I love what I've seen of this story. You're doing great, bestie 👍

(Also, do you have a taglist?)

🥺 You just made my day! This was such a sweet message to receive. I'm glad you enjoy the snippets and titles (my titles are definitely a point of pride for me, haha), and that you find the story intriguing. That's the goal! It's not really the kind of story that tends to get much attention in these spaces, tbh, so I'm pleasantly surprised with the warm response some of my recent snippets have received.

Gabriel would most likely be shocked that someone considers him blorbo-worthy, but I'm sure he would appreciate your affections! I have a bit of a love-hate relationship with him myself, but he's definitely one of my more compelling characters and I'm proud of the way he turned out. As a character, anyway. As a person is more complex, lol. Either way, definitely poured years of blood, sweat, tears and research into that guy, and I suppose if I was trying to produce upstanding fictional specimens of humanity I'd probably be writing something other than crime thrillers.

More under the cut because this got suuuper long (💀):

RE: querying - I've been "getting ready to query" for like a year at this point, lol, but that's mostly because the edits after my last beta cycle became QUITE a bit more extensive than anticipated. It's definitely for the better, though. I'm very, very happy with the way it's turning out. Not only am I successfully addressing a lot of my own nagging issues and recurrent beta reader comments, but the structural edits are also allowing me to trim the word count quite a bit (which... the word count has been a MAJOR hurdle in my journey with this project, because of tradpub word count limits in my genre versus the complexity of the story). I'm about 70% done with edits at this point. There will be things actively happening on the querying front in the near future - I will update on that asap.

Re: taglist - I don't currently have any taglists because I worry about my ability to be consistent with maintaining them. You're not the first person to ask about a taglist for libaw specifically, though, so I might try to see if doing one just for that project is feasible. Stay tuned.

Side note, I saw your tags on my post from last year about libaw's history and while they are very (!!!) sweet I feel I must clarify: I started the project in 2008 (when I was 17, for reference), but I haven't been working on it actively throughout that entire span of time - there was a long period between late 2013 and early 2022 where I did very little writing/work on creative projects in general, so it was shelved for most of that. It took me 2.5 years to draft (2008-2011) - at the time it was two novels totalling ~400K words - and then I spent most of 2012 and 2013 doing large-scale revisions, which included a full rewrite/merging of the novels in 2013. Then I took it back up again for good in early 2022 (two years ago today, coincidentally). So that's definitely still a very long time to work on one novel, but not as long as the entire span of years since I started it.

I've always said this is the book of my heart, and I won't try to release it until I'm happy with it and know I've given it my best shot. I've never regretted that for a second, but it's taken a long time to get there, for both personal and skill-related reasons (namely, there's a social commentary element to the story that's taken me a lot of effort, research, and development as a writer to get right - it's ongoing, but I'm getting close based on recent feedback). To be close to reaching the point where I can genuinely feel "my" (independent, prior to pub-related edits) work is done after well over a decade is very cool for sure.

[callioope]

fencing update. this post is a bit rambling.

Something that is very different about the new place I fence, compared to the original place I fenced 15+ years ago: people feel incredibly comfortable giving unsolicited advice.

While I perceive this is coming from a good place and they are trying to be helpful, it's a bit disconcerting to me. Fencing already involves so much complex coordination, and there's so much to think about while doing it, and now every week it seems, someone is telling me that I need to work on XYZ. It's very overwhelming.

Like I sometimes feel a bit self-conscious about just how often I say "well it's been fifteen years" (like shut up Liz you've said this already), but then I say it because I sometimes feel like people expect me to know or remember certain things and I basically get defensive like, cut me some slack please!

I said this once when someone was offering advice, and they were like, "Well but you fenced before, right?"

And it's like: listen. I fenced consistently for about five years. Then I went to college and came back only every couple of months, and had a brief semester of participating in the fencing club someone was trying to start on campus (not a great experience). It's probably been at least 15 years since that last 'visiting for the holidays' fencing session. It's probably been 17 years since I was taking regular lessons. That means that at best, the amount of time I haven't been fencing is double the amount of time I was fencing. It could by some calculations be triple it, depending on what you count as my official last day.

That is a long time! Like I fenced a person today who was probably born after the last time I fenced (before I started back up again this year).

I just don't feel like people appreciate just how rusty I really am. Sure, I've been back for four or five months now, but that does not make up a 15-17 year gap.

All this to say, trying to remember information I haven't used for 15 years is overwhelming enough. Things like how to time attacks properly, etc. Then there's the fact that I'm not in the same shape as I used to be -- in my peak I was fencing 3x per week -- and my body is also just older. I don't have the reaction time I used to. Recovering from lunge position back to en garde probably takes longer.

Then pile on top of this, getting different advice from multiple people about what I should work on -- it's just A Lot. It's a lot to keep track of!

And I'm supposed to be doing this for fun. I'm mainly trying to work on accepting losing and remembering that getting a work out by brandishing a sword is freaking fun. It is! But it's more challenging to do that when people are commenting on my technique.

As I mentioned at the beginning, I don't remember this happening at my old fencing school. Perhaps the difference is that we were all younger, and the couch was a more obvious and distinct authority -- we left it to the coach mainly to, well, coach! Now there were some people who gave unsolicited advice, but as I recall they were the, ah, rather more arrogant types and they were not nice about it. Now, it's a class primarily of adults, more than half of which are 40+.

Oh, and the other part is that: in a model where the coach is primarily the person instructing a student on what to work on, they can approach their growth and learning in a more structured way. Work on this technique first for foundation, then go to this, then this, etc. But if every person is offering their own advice -- well, how do I filter that? How do I prioritize?

The answer I've come to is that I'm going to try to start keeping a journal. Here are highlights of what felt good today. Here was what I decided to work on myself, and how successful that was. Here is what the coach's lesson's focused on, and how successful that was. Here is what random person suggested. And then just collate that and make a list of what's important to me.

But finally, I don't have any intentions right now of competing in official tournaments. So, maybe I also need to work on just letting things roll off my back. Thanks for the advice, file it away, and just don't think about it. That's hard for me, but maybe something worth attempting.

[clatoera]

Ask game 42 & 44 😊

Omg hi bestie THANK you. You picked some like..deep ones.

42. What was the first time you remember feeling seen (by another person, a story, a fictional character, etc.)?

I think theres a few I want to get into. Ironically one of the very first characters I felt seen by like..in terms of related to was Katniss. It was the love of her sister. To me, when I read the book in my childhood, it was about a girl who loved her sister very very much. She changed the world for the love of a sister. The age difference was the same as my sister and I. It was a big deal to me. Also..My home town is very D12. It's literally an old coal town. Artist renderings, canon..they all literally look like my town. The woods around her were the woods around my place. I identified SO much with Katniss. My mom actually encouraged that further, when after I dyed my hair back to brown after years of trying to go blonde via highlights. She pointed out that it was probably my love of Katniss that taught me it was okay to have dark hair and that I could still be pretty like that. It never left me. It's ironic as I revisit that here on this blog at 25.

The other time was more recently with the musical Hadestown, the main character, Eurydice. She is so so independent and closed off and every single bit of her character. I remember sobbing the first time I heard her songs and saw this show. Even in the last year, I cried the drive home from the show to a guy I was with at the time like...thats me. That girl with her hyper independence, who moves every year, who has noone but herself, who only trusts herself..thats me. I relate SO much to her. SO much. Thats why Hadestown still holds such a place for me.

44. Who or what are you missing right now?

Honestly. I'm not saying this for pity, but it would be easier to say who and what I dont miss. I miss everyone I love. I liv e 6+ hours from most of them, 17+ hours from the rest. I havent seen anyone since like..god I was home for a wedding in October? I don't get to go home for holidays, I don't have vacations or time off or anything. I miss my mom and my dad. My baby sister and baby brother (they are 21 and 17 far from babies). My aunt and my three little cousins. I miss my childhood best friends who are married and having kids, I miss my college best friends, I miss my pre-clinical medical school friends. I miss everyone. My only friend in this town is leaving literally today. I live like..a very isolated and lonely life physically. I study a lot and work a lot to fill my time, but it DOES get lonely! And thats okay, thats why I acknowledge it. I miss everyone I love. I also miss my home city in PA. I also miss Florida where I went to school. I miss the sunshine and the beach. I miss studying outside, I miss the tan and the freckles I had. I miss my favorite restaurant back home, and my favorite back at school. I miss late night car rides with my best friends. I miss going to my home town diner at 3 am with my dad and sister. I miss living down the road from my aunt, able to just go to dinner with her whenever.

I miss most things and almost every single person I know. Yet we persist.

Thank you so much!! this is so fun!!