#the periodic reminder of my nerdiness tag

[importantstudentbusinessspy-blog]

Hey, neighbor

Masterlist

Pairing: Jason Todd x (f) Reader

Tags: mystery, eventual smut, pwp, incorrect science (im so sorry to women in S.T.EM.), morally ambiguous Jason Todd, neighbors, nerdy reader, smoking

Chapter 1: Jason is assigned to investigate the cute grad student in the apartment below his.

Jason sat by the open window of his kitchen, two guns disassembled before him on a worn-out cloth, the room filled with the scent of oil and cigarette smoke. His shirt was long discarded on the chair beside the one on which he sat as the unreliable apartment AC sputtered and groaned, a constant reminder of the summer heat.

His fingers moved deftly to reassemble the weapon. ACDC blasting from his phone on the windowsill, the music helping him focus amidst the noise of the neighborhood. But the sounds of laughter and the thud of a soccer ball periodically interrupted his concentration. Some kids were playing a game on the street.

As he glanced at the game, a familiar figure caught his attention. The girl from 1B, the apartment below his, made her way up the street up to their building.

He took a drag from his cigarette and watched as you chatted away on the phone, oblivious to the looks you got in your preppy skirt and tucked in V that accentuated your figure and proudly showed your cleavage. Barbara may have given him a boring assignment, but you sure looked a whole lot of fun. At the very least, he could enjoy the view on his investigation.

"Yeah, it's a nightmare," he heard you complain to your phone when you were just at the entrance door to the building. "The subway's been shut down every day this week... I keep having to walk all the way home from the research center in thirty degree weather. Oh well, at least I'm getting my steps in."

Two of the kids abandoned the game and ran up to you before you could unlock the front door. Jason could hear as they bombarded you with questions about your experiments. You told the person on your call that youll text them before you hung up.

Then, you enthusiastically began explaining your work to the kids in an animated manner, mentioning elements and scientific terms, talking about chemical reactions as if you were narrating a bedtime story. The kids listened with rapt attention, nodding as if they understood every word.

Jason couldn't help but chuckle to himself, finding it amusing how you were explaining complex concepts to children, and they hung on to every word. The kids inquired eagerly if you had any samples for them.

You reached into your bag, extracted a vial, read the label, and then froze, right before hiding it out of the view of the kids.

Jason let out a puff of smoke and narrowed his eyes. That wasn't a usual reaction to a harmless substance.

You recovered quickly, informing the kids that the vial in your hand wasn't the "good" one. After a moment of rummaging through your container, you took out another vial, read the label, and then handed it to the kids, who cheered with delight.

"What does it do?" one of them asked.

"Pour some salt into it and see. Not too much though, a pinch is good." You winked.

"Awesome!" The second kid exclaimed.

You beamed at their enthusiasm. Jason found himself grinning, momentarily forgetting about his gun. But his amusement quickly died as he caught a glimpse of the symbol on the vial you clutched in your hand. Poison Ivy. Barbara's intel was right.

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Exhausted from his patrol, Jason parked his motorcycle and climbed off, the engine's growl fading out. As he approached your building steps, his keen senses caught a low whisper drifting from the porch. You sat with your neighbor Melody, engaged in a hushed conversation. You often sat with her on the porch on the days when her husband worked the late shift. The two of you sipping wine from coffee cups in a fun tradition.

Jason's footsteps barely made a sound as he climbed up the steps, overhearing Melody’s animated voice praising his handsome features and enigmatic aura. You reciprocated, painting a vivid picture of his muscles, tattoos, and piercings. A grin tugged at the corner of Jason's pierced lips as he absorbed the words, silently revelling in the compliments.

He cleared his throat once he reached the steps you two were sat on.

Melody’s eyes twinkled mischievously as she quipped, "You're out past your bedtime, hun." She extended her cigarette to him.

He eyed it and then accepted. Tossing the stick in his mouth, before lowering himself towards her held up lighter, he gave her a glazing look, his blue eyes burning in the setting sun as he inhaled from the stick, then he stood back up and leaned against the railing.

As the smoke curled in the air, Jason turned his attention to you. “How's school going?”

You realized you'd been staring. Blinking and trying to recall his question, you felt as though it was off hearing his voice. Jason was nice enough, you guessed, if a bit of a tease at times, but he'd mostly kept to himself. At least, that was your perception of him since he moved into your run-down building on the outskirts of gotham a month ago. "... uhh pretty good. Thanks for asking.”

"Shame about those subway closures, though, huh.” He offered a charming grin when he tilted his head.

"Oh, tell me about it." You rolled your eyes at the reminder. "This city... i swear. Do the closures cause you much trouble?”

He shook his head and gestured to his bike. "Nah, got my bike to help with that shit."

You followed his gaze to the impressive vehicle leaning against the wall. "Cool," you said out loud without meaning to.

"Let me know if you ever need a ride."

That caught your attention, making you turn back to him. The thought of riding on his bike had your heart fluttering, and you caught your friend's gaze beside you as you bit your lip, turning back to Jason, whose brooding gaze zeroed in on your mouth. You tried not to let it distract you. "How about tomorrow? I got to present my thesis at 8 am. Can't be late, and it would help a ton."

Melody stood up. “Well I should go, you two have fun.” She winked at you over her shoulder.

You made a move to leave as well, but Jason's hand on yours halted you. His grip was firm as he leaned in, his tone low. "Meet me here tomorrow at seve forty five." he asked, his hooded eyes gazing into yours.

Your pulse quickened at his closeness, and his voice in your ear sent goosebumps along your skin.

You finally found your voice again. "T- the commute is usually around forty minutes." Refering to his propositioned meeting time.

The corner of his lips twitched, and his tongue brushed against his sharp canine. "You've never ridden a bike before, have you?"

Your cheeks turned red. "No."

"Tomorrow, I'll show you what real speed is."

You looked up at him and swallowed. The words sounding both threatening and exciting. "Okay,"

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He was right about speed. As you held on to Jason, you felt the hum of the engine as he excelarated on the road, passing vehicles on his way. You were scared at first, breathing quickly under your helmet. You were pretty sure you gripped creases onto his jacket. But then that fear gave way to excitement.

Not only were you going one fifty within city limits, but you were doing so while sitting right behind Jason. He steered with such nonchalance, the smell of his ocean cologne invading your senses as his large frame steered in front of you. His confidence was so hot, you had to adjust yourself on the seat a couple times, regretting your decision to wear your checkered skirt as the only thing standing between the vibrating seat and your pussy were your thin panties.

You've finally reached the center, and he parked his bike, getting off first as you sat back, propping yourself by holding the seat behind you. He then reached for you, hads grabbing your waist, and lifted you with ease before placing you on the ground.

"Come on," he removed his helmet, revealing the perfectly messy hair and chiseled face under it. He removed yours next, slightly brushing your hair with his hands as well. "I'll walk you in."

When you scamned your card at the door, he put his hand on your hip, steering you inside, his fingers brushing you on the spot gently.

"Nice place," he commented pursing his lips in an impressed expression when you two were inside. Students and fsfukty were rushing around you, occasionally a curious eye looked Jason up and down. "Is that were you work? He gentured towards a large door at the end of the hall.

"No, im on the fourth floor." You explained.

"Hmm,"

"Thanks so much, Jason." You grinned at him once you were inside. "I owe you one."

He shook his head. "I'll think of a way you could make it up to me."

You swallowed as your mind filled with images of you doing just that. Mostly on your knees. You shook your head. "Well, I should go." You tightened your hold on the straps of your bag.

He winked at you. "Knock 'em dead."

You couldn't help the involuntary giggle. "I'll do my best."

●●●●●●●●●●●●●●���●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●

Jason pulled up to the research center at midnight. He scanned your card against the sensor, and the entrance door let out a beep, letting him pull it and enter with ease.

He passed by the few working students and faculty and casually strode up to the fourth floor, checking every door to find the one he was looking for. The one belonging to you.

When he finally landed on the correct door and walked in, he heard his phone ring and tapped on his headphones to pick up as he studied your work desk.

"So, Jay," Roy Harper spoke in his ear, "About time we hit the streets again."

Standing amidst the small and tidy space of your desk, Jason surveyed the room, noting the orderliness that seemed to mirror the girl who inhabited it. His gaze roamed over lab tools and equipment, finally settling on the vial that he recognized from the other day. Memories of the haunted expression you held when you accidentally almost gave it to the neighborhood kids resurfaced.

Jason held up the vial to study its content and confirm his suspicions about the label. "Miss me already, Harper?"

As Roy went on, Jason recalled the articles and social media profiles that appeared on the screen when he looked you up. You were from the suburbs. Your parents were serving time for robberies in their county jail.

Framed pictures adorned your desk, capturing moments with friends and colleagues. Amidst the cheerful snapshots, there were no family pictures. Though that wasn't uncommon in offices. He continued his exploration, venturing into your desk cupboards, where medals, certificates, and awards adorned - accomplishments in science.

“What a smart girl," he cooed to himself, a hint of a smile playing on his lips.

Roy's voice interrupted his thoughts, snapping him back to the present. "Jason, are you even listening?"

Jason blinked, refocusing on the call. "Yeah, yeah, I'm here."

Roy chuckled. "You're doing it again, aren't you?” He sighed. “You, with your detective shit. I swear to god..."

Jason grinned sheepishly. His gaze fell upon a particular photo. You stood beside an older woman, likely your professor, holding an award. The picture looked recent, raising questions that echoed in his mind. He'd have to start with her.

Roy groaned, but there was no real irritation in his voice. "Listen, I'm sending you a rendezvous point in the city. Meet me there in an hour?"

Jason nodded, his phone pinging and the screen brightening with the address. He took out his phone and snapped a picture of you with your professor. "I'll be there."

●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●●

In the dimly lit study of Wayne Manor, Jason handed the vial over to Bruce Wayne, who examined it with a furrowed brow.

"Babs' intel was right," Jason crossed his arms. Dick Grayson stood nearby, his arms crossed, curiosity etched on his face.

Bruce scanned the vial, his fingers deftly manipulating it. "That's not Ivy's toxin. It looks similar, but not viscos enough. I need to bring this to the lab," he concluded and held the glass container out to Dick.

"Hurry, I'll need to return it before she comes back tomorrow." Jason informed.

Dick handed the vial back to Bruce and turned his attention to Jason, a playful grin tugging at his lips. "So, Jay, did she use the pheromones on you?" he quipped, his tone teasing.

Jason arched an eyebrow, a cocky smile playing on his lips. "She's more your style, Grayson. Im not into nerdys,"

Dick chuckled, holding up the vial. "The nerdy ones end up being the most fun!" he retorted, insinuating a connection between you and Poison Ivy.

Bruce handed the vial to Alfred to analyze in the lab and redirected their attention to the matter at hand. "Focus," he interjected, his tone firm. "We need to find out Ivy's whereabouts and her potential connection to this girl. I'll go to arkam tonight. You, too, are on patrol. Jason, keep an eye on her."

Jason mock saluted his adoptive father. "Yes, sir,"

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Once the lab analysis came in and the vial had been returned to your work desk, Dick and Jason were back in Jason's apartment; each nursing a beer even though it was only noon.

Dick scrolled on his laptop, typing away at locations for possible patrol when he snapped the computer shut. "Alright, come on. Old man’s not here, you can tell me, are you more interested in this job. Or this girl?" He raised a brow.

Jason knew you had been home early today after checking out the schedule pinned on your wall yesterday. He also knew that your window was open and it was below his, and he could definitely hear your humming while you did some task.

"Who? y/n?" He said a little louder than necessary. He noticed the humming had stopped. Dick noticed it too, raising his brow at his adopted brother.

Feeling a bit bold, he sat up and turned towards his brother. "She's a cute girl. Likes to wear neat button-up shirts, neatly tucked into her preppy little skirts when she goes to study."

He strained to hear you. You weren't making a sound. "And when she walks home in the heat, the sweat makes her clothes stick onto her body..."

"Oh yeah?" Dick asked, catching on to what Jason was doing as he eyed the window.

"Ill admit, dude, she has a nice fucking body." Jason groaned on purpose.

"What else is nice about her?"

"Well, she always comes back from the library with some cheap, dumb looking romance novels so that she could fantasize when she's alone, and she thinks nobody can hear -"

An object fell from somewhwere beneath the open window, followed by a feminine gasp.

Dick grined. "That's very nice... go on"

Jason shrugged, feeling as though he had his fun. He strained his ears to pick up any more noise or reactions from your window. When he didn't, he shrugged it off, turning back to his brother and speaking in his inside voice. "Well... she's a good kid. She plays it kinda safe. Not really my type, I guess."

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That evening, Jason was going up the stairs to his apartment, about to change for patrol. He heard clicks coming from the second floor and turned his head to see who it was. He nearly froze on the spot when he saw you make your way to the steps.

You were in high heel leather stilettos, which made you almost come up to his nose, though you were on the highest step, and he was one below. A short red velvet dress sat on your dancer physique, with long sleeves and a dip in the front that showed off your choker of the same color. Your hair was up in a ponytail, with small curls falling down each side to frame your face. You wore red lipstick, glossed over, and made you look so kissable. Jason realised he must have been staring. He cleared his throat. "Nice dress."

You rolled your eyes. "Can you please move?"

"Are you mad at me?" He didn't get out of the way, though.

"No," you shrugged, remembering his words earlier today. "Plays is too safe." "Not my type," whatever. Like you cares what he thought of you. You did, though.

"Oh yeah? Well, where are you going dressed like that?" He pressed.

"Somewhere fun.” You snapped at him. “Get out of my way, Jason." You shoved past him.

He smirked to himself, deciding his evening was all booked up. Because there was no way he was going to let you put yourself in danger on the way to fun just to spite him for his dumb big mouth.

[any-other-fandom-blog]

Whenever Spotify Wrapped releases, it reminds me of this project I've been thinking about for a while.

And now, The StoryGraph released its version of wrapped for the year (at the actual end of the year, as god intended) and I always think I read a lot less than I used to when I was younger.

Except...I still read on ao3. And I am, at heart, a stats nerd, (see me: nerding out about TSG graphs) so I've always wanted to analyse my ao3 reading history. I've seen people make their own version of ao3 wrapped, but I like having comprehensive stats, so instead of doing any of my actual coding work, I made my own version (with maybe too many stats and graphs according to my horrified non-coding friends I showed this to).

And I figured that there would be some folks out there who are as nerdy about this as I am and would appreciate it as well. So I made the code shareable and hopefully something that anyone can run.

So without further ado, here is my ao3 wrapped:

https://colab.research.google.com/drive/1DikTD0T9YjwPAL-Z3DTD8bdkM5fk_TS9?usp=sharing#scrollTo=cdaded40

Some things that my code can do:

scrape your data from Ao3 and organise it in a nice neat table you can download and keep

allow you to pick a time period

sample a random fic you read from that time period

look at the total number of fics you read, and what percentage of those have been deleted

look at how many works are on your 'Marked for Later' list and see information (top fandom and top characters) about them

show you graphs of the percentage of fics you read with each type of warning, rating, and ship type, as well as your ratio of completed works read

show you the last time you viewed a fic compared with the last time it was updated

the number of fics read over time (sorted by years, months or days depending on whether you are looking at all time, a certain year, or certain month respectively)

analyse the number of words you read and words read over time (similar to fics read over time)

identify your top 20 authors, fandoms, relationships, characters and tags

dynamically choose and plot the changes to your top 10 authors, fandoms, relationships, characters and tags over the time period (by years, months or days depending on the initial overview, similar to , read over time)

see how the rankings of your top 5 have changed from the previous time peroiod, and check the ranking of a specified author/fandom/ship/character/tag in that previous time period

So anyways, have fun!

[ezralva]

Have you read the newest volume of PICG?? I wanna SCREAM!! MimaxHayate legitimately official and you're the 1st person I remember when it comes to them because your fics were the ones who introduced me to the ship ❤

Ofc! Read that back around the end of Jan iirc during my hermit period from tumblr so I was busy giggling to myself lol but...

WDYM anon?? 3x1 / Mimate /Hayami (sorry i still dunno their ship name as I always use 3x1) has always been LEGITIMATELY CANON from the beginning even WITHOUT the newest volume but yeaa I TOTALLY GET YOU. I wanna kiss Kokone-sensei for making Mima finally 'admit' he was hitting on Hayate!! 🤣

I mean...is there any need for Mima to make it so ambiguous even to Motoharu? A close friend he can talk heart to heart too? LMAO

Anywayz Aww im so touched you still remember my fics when it comes to this ship even though I haven't been active on the tag for over a year! Also I recently still received comments for my PICG fics even after over a year of being published so they make me happy^^ this message also reminds me how much I miss these doji boys 😭 all of em w/o exception, but ofc particularly my dearest nerdy introvert hamster boy Hayate 🩷💙

[aaghht]

in reply to tags from @deyasworld

Actually, I can answer that! You're basically right that they share some common nerdy inspirations which are complete happenstance. As Gobbochune says above, animation takes a *very* long time, with both having been in development way before actual production began.

Juniper Lee and Jake Long both had one shared influence among their different creators: Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Here's inteviews from JLee creator Judd Winick where he mentions how Buffy and Simpsons were the main inspirations for the show originally: From the Newsarama forum: https://web.archive.org/web/20070929105136/http://forum.newsarama.com/showthread.php?threadid=34655 and on the old Fanboy site: https://web.archive.org/web/20060118093258/http://fanboyplanet.com/interviews/mc-juddwinick1.php - I'll just leave this oft-quoted snippet from the Newsarama interview here.

"True story – my wife and I went out, got hamburgers and got drunk, and kicked around what would be the most fun. We just asked ourselves, what would make for the best show; keeping in mind there would have to be some educational component…somehow.

I love magic, I love monsters. I love Hellboy, I love Buffy, the Vampire Slayer, so my first thought as to do something like that. My wife, who’s Asian, came in with the idea that we should have Asian protagonists. She said it should be about sisters, about Asian girls, and Asian family that are actual Asian-Americans. None of this ninja crap. No woodwind instruments and no stereotypical Asian nonsense. They’re American kids of Asian descent, just like my wife, who was born in St. Louis and raised in L.A."

For Jake Long, I couldn't remember where I'd originally seen it but I'd found this forum thread with behind the scenes from creators Matt Negrete and Eddie Guzelian, mentioning that HP and Buffy had been influences, as well as Star Wars (the original site is gone, but here's a web archive link): https://web.archive.org/web/20160612082145/http://www.intrepidentertainment.co.uk/index.php%3Ftopic=1085.0.html - also summarized very nicely by @neopuff here in this post: https://neopuff.tumblr.com/post/52333145485/american-dragon-jake-long-behind-the-scenes Here's another Buffy detail noticed by Jake Long fan All-that-jazz-93: https://www.tumblr.com/all-that-jazz-93/654181619482165249/check-it-so-matt-negrete-and-eddie-guzelian-have?

Basically, although they went different routes in looks, story and feel, they had one over-lapping influence* and anything else was probably pure coincidence. BTVS had a very big shadow over pop-culture during the late 90s and early 00s so I'm not surprised and glad that there are old interviews left from when these shows were still new that mention Buffy being that influence, because it just shows so clearly how hard it is to be 100% original, especially at a time where so many things were changing on the kids media landscape.

*for the most part. you can see that both shows have some nerdier similarities too, but that's probably a more general thing between all american cartoons from that period - the superhero parodies and double-life stuff, the star wars/star trek references and so on)

For Chinese influences, well, Juniper was inspired by Winick's wife and what they both talked about a good show being. I can't remember if they had a cultural advisor, but even if they didn't, I'd chalk it up to "they had family insight" - just my own guess, but being married with an asian person, you start to learn more about their culture as well. JLee often tried to avoid a lot of the more cliche aspects of having an asian protagonist. It never quite gets into the chosen-one lore as much as some other shows would get, but on the other hand, it was something fun and different for that. There's seems to be a hint of some lore or mythology references in some of the lore-heavier eps, especially the final episode, (there are eight magical elders and this reminds me of the eight immortals from chinese mythology, as well as eight being an auspicious number in china) but as a fan, all of that is really only my guess based on the show.

Meanwhile, American Dragon: Jake Long explored an action-comedy hero more from the angle of a half-chinese protagonist in a big city. To me personally, Jake looked more like the crew had taken some aspects assigned to many asian protagonists before and sorta played around with them. Jake wears red and yellow, his hair is spiky and has a green sheen to it in light and he's drawn with smaller eyes than many other characters on the show. But when you actually watch the show, you see the effort put into his character and the relationships between the cast and that it's not that surface-level as on first glance. ADJL gets into its own lore with the dragon stuff and that's interesting as a viewer.

Anyway, both shows are good and I just that these interviews would be an interesting addition! It would be interesting to get lorebooks or artbooks of both shows one day :D I'm sure if there had been more shows with asian protagonists at the time, these coincidences between the two would have been hand-waived by more people than just the fans who continued to watch them.

Did anybody ever notice how similar “The American Dragon Jake Long” and “The Life and Times of Juniper Lee” were??

I mean just look at it:

Both have the initials J.L.

Both are Asian-American teens who fight supernatural forces.

Jake has a younger sister while Juniper has a younger brother. Both just as annoying and have similar powers to their elder siblings.

Both have an elderly grandparent who is their mentor (Jake = his grandpa; Juniper = her grandma).

Both have talking dogs. (Fu-dog the Shar Pei and Monroe the pug)

This really made me think about both shows….

[k-a-cook]

[image description: a photograph of various Magic: the Gathering deckboxes, some housed in a clear plastic box, and handmade dice bags sitting on a black tabletop in a game shop, surrounded by rows of black tables and black or orange chairs with Magic banners hanging on grey walls in the background. Sitting on a purple Ultra Pro deckbox and a green/yellow Theros Elspeth box are two plump unicorn squishies, one white with pink hooves and a purple/pink/aqua mane, one pastel pink with pink hooves and a blue/pink/yellow mane. Both have oversized, round, kawaii-style black eyes. A solid blue Tangle Jr sits beside a fishtail loom bracelet before the plastic clip box, and a Meren of Clan Nel Toth Commander playmat is visible in the left-hand corner of the photo.]

For my birthday (next Thursday) @ambiguouspieces gave me this Pair Of Adorably Passive-Aggressive Unicorn Squishies, who are judging every play fail I make in the way only plump kawaii unicorns can. I dare say their being trapped in shrink wrap doesn’t help matters, but they really do look judgy!

I will say that Dungeon of Magic in the Melbourne CBD is the kind of LGS where a not-cis-male person like me can take photos of unicorn squishies while playing casual Magic and Love Letter (while cheerfully discussing our refusal to bother with a proper declare blockers step before tallying damage because who’s got time for that). I’ve been in a few places where very casual Magic plus unicorn squishies just wouldn’t be a thing without That Gamer Dude Looking At You In Pained Scorn, and I really do appreciate those more welcoming spaces.

[wakeup-wakeup-if-its-all-you-do]

I was trying to imagine what Deku v. Kacchan part 3 would be like and it quickly turned into a whole fic lol! Anyways here it is...

A Hero Distracted

(now on ao3 by pearl_sailboat)

word count: 2,641

tags: manga spoilers, izuku midoriya / katsuki bakugou, angst with happy ending, vigilante deku, deku is going through it, soft bakugou, cursing

summary: takes place right after Deku leaves All-Might and the bento. But he doesn't know that Kacchan will bring him back one way or another.

Deku zipped through the sky, using blackwhip to propel himself forward, so he could put as much distance between himself and his mentor. He didn't look back, he couldn't look back. Whatever scene he'd left behind had to stay behind or else he might lose his nerve and go back to the teacher, the father-figure, who had already given him so much. Deku would not let All-Might give his life too. End of discussion.

He could actually feel the anxiety rolling off the vestiges as they watched him fly across the skyline. They were silent, probably still trying to figure out how to tell him to go back. But it didn't matter what they would eventually say, nothing was going to change Deku's mind. Nothing. 

Deku was so distracted by his resolve to keep moving forward that he didn't notice the three figures floating ahead until they'd launched themselves at him. It didn't matter though, he was no longer the helpless kid he used to be. He'd left behind everyone in his life and that meant that the only one in danger was him. Yes, he thought as blackwhip shot out of him in all directions, let me be the only one who gets hurt. Let me take all the damage, let everyone else stay safe. 

The thought was so all-consuming that his landing was a little rough and he flinched a tiny bit when his legs absorbed the shock. But smooth landings were at the bottom of Deku's priorities… right now he had to incapacitate these three so he could keep moving. He turned to look at his attackers, still entrapped in blackwhip, but… they were already knocked out? And when did they get so many cuts and bruises? Had they been this badly beat up when they first attacked him? Hmpf, maybe they fought over who would get to take me in… Guess there must be a pretty great reward but, still, it's odd…

Before he could finish his thought, he felt a searing pain against the side of his face and the explosion made his ears ring. Dammit, what now? He shot out blackwhip in all directions but before he could even get up, he felt a boot kick him in the shoulder. Hard.

"ARGHHHH," he cried as he moved to grab the leg attached to the boot.

He still couldn't see his new attacker but dammit, it had been a really long day and he was starting to get mad. His hand latched on to the leg and he was about to send his attacker flying over his shoulder when he felt another boot smash down on his wrist. This time he yelled so loud it almost drowned out the sound of his wrist breaking. Who was this person? They were certainly more skilled than the last three...

"You done, nerd? Or am I gonna have to break your legs too?"

That voice… I know that voice… But why? Why is he here? He can't be here… He's still h-

"Dammit, ANSWER ME DEKU!!!" Kacchan yelled behind him as more explosions went off, but this time not aimed at him.

Deku still felt like his wrist was on fire but he made himself get up. He turned around to find Kacchan smiling maniacally, suited up in his hero uniform. No, he's still hurt! He can't be out here! Why did he… oh. All-Might must've sent him. How could he? When he knows-

"Shitty Deku, you never listen, do you? Do. I. Have. To. Break. Your. Legs. Too?" Kacchan said with a small explosion to emphasize each period.

That's when Deku attacked. He didn't want to hurt Kacchan but he knew that the angry blond would never let him go. For some reason, Kacchan had decided that it was his job to protect Deku even if it cost him his own life. Idiot, he thought, not for some reason. He did it because he had too; you were weak so he had to protect you so that All For One wouldn't take the power of One For All. This is your fault. That's why he had to be strong now. That's why he didn't hesitate to connect his fist to Kacchan's face. That's why he didn't hesitate to grab Kacchan's shirt and send him fly- BOOOOM!!!! DAMMIT, how can he still attack when I'm literally throwing him?!?! And the explosion hurt. so. damn. much. Somehow, Kacchan kept firing even when he slammed into the roof's exit door, using his AP shot to blast Deku in the stomach. 

"Is that ALL YOU GOT DEKU??? DON'T TELL ME I CAME ALL THIS WAY FOR YOU TO GO EASY ON ME???" Kacchan cackled. 

He was seriously laughing at a time like this? Deku shook his head, he couldn't afford to get distracted by the Kacchan of it all. He shot out blackwhip again, but Kacchan dodged just like he always had.

"SERIOUSLY, YOU THOUGHT THAT WOULD WORK??? YOU'VE NEVER BEEN ABLE TO CATCH ME, NERD!!!" 

Was Kacchan actually… enjoying himself?!?!? Deku wasn't surprised that Kacchan would brag about always winning Catch-a-Kacchan but those memories seemed so far away… No, stop getting distrac- BOOOOMMM!!!!! Kacchan had blasted him again, Deku needed to get his act together and quickly! He took a deep breath and just as he felt Danger Sense activate, he dodged Kacchan's next explosion and launched himself forward. He grabbed Kacchan's hair and yanked him downwards so he couldn't fire. Deku was about to kick him when he felt a pain in his legs. Kacchan hadn't been able to fire at Deku's face so he'd fired at his legs instead! Nothing seemed to be broken yet but, god it really, really hurt.

"HAHA I TOLD YA I WOULD BREAK YOUR LEGS TOO DEK-" Kacchan didn't get to finish that sentence because Deku sucker punched him so hard he went flying into the closest building.

Kacchan coughed up some blood before grinning wide, "NOW WE'RE TALKING!!! OHHHHHH BUT I'M STILL GONNA KICK YOUR ASS NERD!!!!!"

But Deku was frozen. No… No, no, no, no, no, no… I - I punched him right where… right where… I wasn't thinking… He coughed up blood… No, no, no, NO, NOOO!!!! He pressed his hands to the sides of his face, well the sides of his mask, as he sank to his knees. This is why he had left in the first place. He didn't want anyone else to get hurt. The people he cared about always got hurt. It was all his f- BOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Deku's ears were ringing so bad he was pretty sure he would never hear again. The flash of the explosion had blinded him, how long it would last was unclear, but Deku knew he'd been blasted onto his back. He groaned as he registered the shape his body was in, thankful that the adrenaline was keeping him from feeling the full weight of his injuries. He lifted his head as he began to blink away the dark spots in his vision. But immediately his head was pushed back onto the floor of the roof. He heard talking but he still couldn't make out the words so he struggled against the hand. He knew it was useless but struggling was all he could do. So he fought against the hand he still couldn't completely see with everything he had.

"God Deku, give it a rest," he heard when the ringing eventually released his throbbing eardrums.

That's when he noticed that it was Kacchan's hand that held his head down and that Kacchan had him pinned to the ground. Wait, where is my mask? Deku's eyes searched for the mask but before he could find it, Kacchan took it out of his pocket.

"Looking for this? Yeah, you're not getting it back, Deku. This piece of shit lets you lock yourself away and I ain't putting up with it."

Deku rolled his eyes. Why did Kacchan care if he locked himself away? Didn't he realize that if Deku didn't, he'd be too weak to stop All For One? 

"Why won't you say anything, dammit? Never thought I'd miss your nerdy mumbling…"

Why did Kacchan look sad as he said that? Nah, that must've been in Deku's head. He didn't answer that question either though. They didn't have the most traditional friendship, but Kacchan was the only one who stood a chance of bringing Deku back and that terrified him. He knew Kacchan would tear apart anything he said and would use it to convince him to go home. Right now, Kacchan was as dangerous as Shinsou; one word and Deku would lose.

"So you're mute now, is that it?" Kacchan demanded. "Fine then, I'll talk and you better fucking listen, Deku! I don't give a crap about your whole I-need-to-save-everyone routine but I thought you did! Isn't that the whole fucking reason you left in the first place?"

Deku's eyes widened in curiosity. What was Kacchan talking about? His emerald eyes were only met with a ruby glare.

"You didn't even realize, did you? Those three extras you pummeled back there, they looked like they could've used some saving themselves."

What are you talking about? Saving? Saving from who?

"So I was right then," Kacchan sighed and then looked towards the skyline, away from Deku.

When did Kacchan's voice get so quiet? It reminded Deku of how he had been at the sports festival… quiet because he was serious. Why did that tone unnerve Deku so much? Why did those words fill him with… dread?

"Deku, you ran away so you could protect people. You ran away so you could focus on defeating All For One. But were you focused when you landed on this roof? No, you weren't... If you had been focused, you wouldn't have had such a rough landing. If you had been focused, you would've remembered to pay attention to blackwhip even if the landing was rough…" Kacchan paused to look back at Deku.

Kacchan's eyes searched Deku's face, piercing into his soul as if searching for something. Then he sighed again. Why does Kacchan look so sad?

"Didn't you even wonder how they got all beat up?"

What is Kacchan saying? Why does he look so sad? Why is… why is his voice SO QUIET??? I hate this… I don't know what's happening… I hate this… I want him to go back to yelling… I want him to stop looking at me like… LIKE THAT!!!!

Suddenly Kacchan's eyes hardened and he moved his hands from Deku's wrists to his face. At first Deku was relieved because maybe Kacchan had heard his thoughts and was going back into angry mode but then he spoke. If Deku had thought that tone was awful before, it was unbearable now.

"You didn't mean for the landing to be so rough," it wasn't a question, "even though you were wearing that stupid mask, only an idiot wouldn't have noticed how you flinched in surprise. It was in that moment that you probably forgot all about blackwhip… quirks are like muscles, Deku, you know that. When you flinched, blackwhip flinched too… you slammed -"

But Deku didn't hear the rest of that sentence. It all blurred away as the realization sunk in. He was responsible for the cuts and bruises on his attackers. He had knocked them out without even realizing. Because he had been distracted. What was he even distracted by at the time? What could be so impor- Oh. That's when he started crying. It was all too much; if he wasn't failing at one thing, he was screwing up another. He had been so distracted by his own resolve to distance himself from everyone that he hurt other people. It didn't matter that they were villains, they were still people. How could he call himself a hero? He was the least deserving person of that title!

"Kacch-" Deku was crying so hard that he couldn't finish before erupting into more tears.

But it didn't matter because Kacchan sat up and pulled him into a hug. He lost track of how long they sat there like that, hugging each other tight like their lives depended on it. And it did, at least for Deku. He knew that if he let go or if Kacchan did, he wouldn't survive. He cried and cried but Kacchan never pushed him away. 

"Kacchan, I - I messed up!" he wailed, "I c-couldn't defeat All- All For One. I d-didn't protect my f-friends. A-and I h-hurt those people. I c-can't s-save the world!"

"No, you can't," Kacchan said.

Deku stopped crying, momentarily shocked. Before the weight of those words could settle over him, he felt a slight pain in his side. Kacchan had jabbed him with his finger, but why? Kacchan broke their embrace so he could hold Deku's face in his hands again. God, those eyes were so intense.

"You can't save the world alone. No one can. It's a big fucking world, Deku! So cut the crap and let me help you already!" Kacchan said, those ruby eyes softening just a little.

Deku shook his head, "But you got stabbed last time!"

"'Cuz you kept on fucking going on on your own!" Kacchan said, jabbing his finger in Deku's side again.

"Ouch! That actually hurt Kacchan!"

"Tch! That'll teach you to pull that crap again, nerd!"

"But Kacch-"

"Shut up! Don't you fucking realize that you trying to do this by yourself is what caused this whole fucking mess in the first place? So just. Stop," Kacchan pressed his forehead against Deku's, "And let me help you, you damn nerd."

Maybe it was because he was still in shock from all the explosions, maybe he was a bit delirious from all the crying, or perhaps it was because he was just so goddamn tired of running. Whatever the reason, Deku didn't freak out like he would've thought he would've if someone had told him he'd be this close to Kacchan. It just felt so… so right. For the first time in a very, very long time, Deku felt safe. 

He leaned his own forehead against Kacchan's to return the pressure and said, "Okay."

They had so much more to talk about later but, for now, this one word was enough. It said everything that Deku couldn't yet; it promised that next time he would not be alone. It admitted that he had been wrong to isolate himself from the people he cared about. It accepted that Kacchan was right, that no one could save the world alone. And though Deku didn't yet know it, that one simple word signalled the birth of the partnership that would one day be known around the world as "The Wonder Duo."

"Okay," he said again before leaning his tired head against Kacchan's shoulder and closing his eyes.

Deku fell asleep almost instantly but not before he heard Kacchan's light chuckle. Not before he felt Kacchan lift him up in his strong, steady arms. Not before he felt the faintest of kisses on his forehead. It had been days since he'd gotten to rest so he was completely knocked out when Kacchan carried him off the roof. He slept through the shocked reactions of his classmates when Kacchan appeared at the hospital, carrying Deku in his arms. He slept through it all, but Kacchan would tell him about everything when he woke up. One day, though that day was still very far away, he would tell their children about how he'd lost his way and how Kacchan was the one who saved him. He'd tell them about how they took turns saving each other so they could save the world. One day, Deku would smile as he told their children the story of how he and Kacchan became the greatest heroes ever.

[bumblebeug]

A Presentation to the Matchmaker Pt. 2

Pt. 2 Paper Clip

“Uhm, Ivan?” Alya asked. She had made a special effort to come to the classroom early. “Would you uh, mind swapping seats with me today?”

She slouched casually and inspected her cuticles, hoping that her request wasn’t suspicious – after all, she and Marinette rarely, if ever, sat apart from each other. The last thing she wanted was for people to think that they had had a fight.

Ivan lifted his head and looked at Alya through sleepy eyes, “Sure. Yeah.” He waved one of his large hands slowly and yawned, “I wanted to talk to Marinette about Kitty Section today anyways. Thanks”

Alya flashed him a thumbs-up as he vacated his seat and lumbered off, “Hey, it’s no problem.”

Just as she settled, Felix’s bag thumped down next to her.

“Oh Alya,” Felix said mildly, conveying none of the nervous energy he had with her the other day, “Why aren’t you sitting with Marinette today?”

“Oh, I just thought we’d want to brain-storm or whatever,” Alya hummed as she watched Felix’s hands pause from shuffling his papers. Really, Alya thought with slight amusement, what’s with this guy and loose papers?

“I had thought,” Felix started loudly before dropping his voice and beginning again, “I had thought that when I didn’t get a text from you that…”

He trailed off and stared down at his palms. Alya’s brows furrowed in thought, but she had sent a text? Reaching into her pocket she brought out her phone and unlocked it to show Felix her send receipt. Her face reddened – there was a draft saved to her message board – she had forgotten to hit ‘send’.

“Ohmygosh, Felix, I’m so sorry. I totally thought that I had hit send before going to bed. My bad.” Alya apologized.

“I… It’s alright,” Felix accepted. He drew in a long breath through his nose, “Anyways, I have drawn up a couple of ideas that may work.”

------------

“It won’t work.”

“Why?” Felix demanded quietly.

“Because Marinette came up with a near carbon copy of this plan for Adrien – no way she wouldn’t catch on if we tried that,” Alya groaned and rubbed her face. She spared a moment to hope that Nino was taking good notes; she loved Marinette, but she was just treading water with this subject and she was spending the whole period bickering with Felix.

Her throat burned. None of Felix’s plans would work – it was like he had found her and Marinette’s “confession planner” and had just copied everything wholesale. It was so frustrating. But at least, Alya thought, sliding her eyes over to look at an equally frazzled Felix, I’m not alone here.

“This is stupid,” Felix whispered heatedly, slapping a palm down on the desk, “Our first plan is the strongest – I suggest that we just go with that.”

“Felix. For the last time – no,” She tugged at a stray lock of her hair, “You can’t just walk up to her and present a Venn diagram!”

“But it worked for you!” Felix shot back.

Alya rolled her eyes, ready to retort that it was less the Venn diagrams and more the letter that she read that changed her mind but paused. Why would he think that his letter to Marinette meant less than the Venn Diagrams? Unless... Her eyes widened.

“What?”

“Did you mean for me to read that love letter you wrote for Marinette?”

It was like Alya had punched him right in the gut. His mouth flew open and his eyes bulged in surprise. In an uncharacteristic action, Felix upended his bad on the desk, scattering the pages he had inside. Most were normal class notes and reminders but as Alya scanned the papers others stuck out:

Marinette…

Dear, Marinette…

Marinette, I…

How many love letters has he written? Was all Alya had time to wonder before a hand slammed down to obscure her line of sight.

“Do you still have it?” Felix asked, trying to sound stern and harsh. His voice cracked with anxiety, “Did you show her?”

He glanced down to the front row and then back at Alya, fisting a hand in his hair, “Are you two pranking me?”

“Woah,” Alya slowly lifted her hands, palms up as a sign of peace.

“Hey, buddy – it’s ok. I haven’t told a soul,” she soothed as she pulled the original folder that Felix had given her yesterday afternoon, “I have it right here. Safe and sound.”

At her words, all the fight left him as he meekly took the proffered folder. He checked it over intensely as if by sight alone, he would be able to detect if anyone other than Alya had read through it.

“Sorry. You weren’t supposed to read that,” Felix admitted with an embarrassed blush over his reaction.

Alya smiled, unsure of what to say.

“My own fault really.” Felix began to gather his papers back together, “I should be more careful or at least throw them away if I want to be sure that nobody reads them.”

Alya stopped him before he could shove all his papers back in his knapsack. “Here.” She held out a paper clip, “Less chance of them scattering towards unintended viewers if they’re all together.”

“Thanks.”

------------

Part One

So, like, ages ago some people wanted to be tagged for this/expressed mild interest in it if I ever decided to continue it. If you would like to be tagged, please let me know. I love reading comments too, so don’t hesitate on that either ;)

@call-me-nerdy​, @vivilakitty​, @a-6-yearold-inside, @the-real-gingakid, @redscarlet95, @ashes-wind

[fatbottombucky]

Seventeen *Peter Parker x Rogers!Reader* 1/12

 Summary: Y/N Rogers is Steve’s Rogers great-great-great niece. Captain America recently became her guardian due to unfortunate circumstance, and Peter couldn’t be happier. Although he’s never talked to the girl, like ever. Due to failing grades Y/N purposes a deal to the young boy, a deal that would see the nerdy boy and popular beauty become close. Too close for Steve’s likening...

~Based upon the song Seventeen from Heathers~

Pairings: Peter Parker x [F]Rogers!Reader // [F]Rogers!Reader x OC!

Ratings: Mature (+18)

Warnings: Violance & abuse; mentally and physically. Suggestions of r*pe, it’s not detailed but there’s suggestions of it. Toxic boyfriend/past toxic family relationships

Authors Note: Also to me reader would be a red head (hence why I use Cheryl Blossom gifs) only becomes Steve’s mother is an Irish immigrant, so red head would run in the family. Reader is in no way described, it’s up to you how she’s depicted. civil war didnt happen

Chapter One: We’re Damaged, Really Damaged.

“H-hey.”

A voice stuttered, pulling you from your stretch. You looked up in time to see Peter blush and hastily pass his camera from one hand to the next, a nervous tremor about him.

“Parker,” you smile gracefully from the gym floor, “what do us Vixens owe the pleasure of seeing you here?”

The light giggles echoed around the gym, only making Peter shyer than before. He fiddled with the camera a bit more, looking down at you briefly.

“Was wondering if I could ask some of the cheerleaders to model?” You tilted your head, red hair swaying with the geasture, “I-mean, I need some shots for a portfolio, models would be nice and I know that Midtown Vixens aren’t camera shy. No one has to, of course, it was stupid. I should’ve just-“

“Peter!” He snaps his mouth shut, “my girls would love to, instagram worthy pics and edited for free, we’re in.”

Peter smiles and nodded, a little sigh leaving his lips. “Cool. Thank you, I’m thinking around free period tomorrow?”

You looked at the girls behind you, normally you have practice but skipping for one photoshoot might be a nice break.

“Definitely, we’ll bring our best clothes,” you smile and Peter nods. “Is there a theme for your portfolio?”

He shakes his head, “I can’t tell you,” you frown. “I’m trying to capture the perfect photos, I have a specific thing in my mind and I don’t want you girls to... fake it. A completely natural, real reactions.”

You smirk inwardly and nod, “okay, you’re the photographer, Parker. See you tomorrow, now leave us Vixies hate being watched as we stretch.” You shoo him away.

He nods and quickly turns, walking out of the gym with a dorky smile on his face.

“He’s such a nerd,” Shay snorts, flicking her dark curls over one shoulder as she stands, “let’s hope he can take some good photos considering he’s always shaking like a leaf.”

“Hey!” You stop the laughter, “he’s a sweetheart. I’ve known him since we were four, I think, he’s just shy.”

Yourself and the rest of the cheerleaders go back to stretching, a normal work-out routine following shortly before you all called it quits. The basketball team had to practice and you weren’t really feeling in the mood to dance, especially with the boys watching today. 

“That party last Saturday was wild,” Jess snickered as she took off her cheer outfit, the girls all hollering in agreement. “Y/N, you always manage to drink so much, you need to slow down.” 

You let out a breathy chuckle, not facing her, “Yeah...” you trail off. 

Honestly, you couldn’t remember what happened last Saturday night. You’d be worried but it had become an occurrence when drinking with the football team, you’d somehow drink more than you meant to, wake up wrapped in your boyfriend but... feeling off. 

Jake, always, promised that nothing happened and he kept you safe- the girls all saying how he’d take you to a room or home. 

You’re, probably, just paranoid. Your mother used to always warn you about blacking out drunk around boys, how it’s just bad news to get drunk because it leads to bad choices. You never used to be like this. 

You quickly got dressed, smiling at the girls before heading out of the changing rooms and towards your locker. The halls were crowded with students that moved out of your way, you tried not to smile at that. 

“Hey, babe,” an arm is slung across your shoulders, you look up at Jake and smile slightly, “Miss me?” A smirk turning the corners of his mouth, you don’t answer and scoff. 

You shrug his arm off as you open your locker, grabbing your book bag and pencil case as he leans against the lockers beside yours. 

“So, me and coupla girls are gonna skip last period, you in?” He asked as you shut the locker and looked at him. 

You sighed, biting your bottom lip, “I can’t. I’m failing classes, I can’t afford to skip anymore. Especially with try-outs coming up, around this time I can get demoted or worse kicked from the squad,” Jake only huffs in annoyance, “I’m sorry. Must be really hard for you knowing your girlfriend's parents just died and her grades are suffering.” 

“Hey,” he snapped quietly, you looked at him and he sighs, “I just think working yourself to the bone ain’t gonna help ya. Maybe you should step down from Captain.” 

You raised your eyebrows in offence. He did not just suggest that! 

You had worked your ass off to get Cheer Captain, endured hours of countless routines to get it. Countless competitions, winning six nationals and three regionals, you couldn’t just give it up. You slam your locker closed. 

“I’m not quitting,” you declare loudly. “I worked too damn hard to give up now, I’m just going through stuff. You should be supporting me-”

“Babe,” Jake sighed, “I am. I’m on your side, I’m sorry. Go to lessons, I fully support you,” he kissed your cheek and you sigh lightly, glaring over his shoulder at students that watched your outburst. 

**

The commute home was... horrible. The bus was completely packed full of people, a gross older dude kept pressing up into you and almost made you full over. Gross. People are gross. 

“Long day?” called as you threw the bag on the floor, toeing off your shoes by the door. 

“It’s to be expected,” you mutter walking towards him before falling next to him on the sofa, you glance at Steve, your ridiculously older uncle. “You?” 

He lets out a sigh himself, “To be expected,” you both let out strained chuckles.

An awkward silence fills the air. You always knew Captain America as your ancestor, in fact, it was something you celebrated as a child. You were praised at a young age, held on a shine because you were part of a line that was ‘expecting greate things’. 

In 2012 when he was de-iced, it took him a while to eventually get in contact with his family. Your parents took to him pretty quickly, you knew why. Glory. Money. Fame. Whatever. They wanted a piece of it, and Steve could tell. 

He liked you though. Your fiery temper, bright smile and need to be better, only reminded him of himself. 

Then your parents had an untimely death and for a while, you wondered if Steve would take you in. You didn’t expect him to, he is, after all, Captain America. But the thought of going through the Foster system was... not an option. Steve never questioned your lack of grief over your parents, assumed you cried alone and went through your process...

If anything you were relieved. A weight had been stripped from you, the shadow lingered over ahead, threatening to break you still but you always managed to walk on ahead of it. 

“School called,” He begins and you sigh, “you’re failing classes, Y/N. You made me a promise when I took you in, that you’d stay on top of everything in order to keep going there. That’s why I got this apartment, for you to be able to go Midtown.” He sits up and looks at your slouched form. 

“I’m just having a difficult time,” you mutter and look away, “I promise I’m getting on top of it.” 

He sighed and shakes his head. 

“I have a tutor,” you quickly inform and he looks at you, “Yeah, I asked some nerd boy today, we’re gonna be studying. I can’t lose Cheer Captain, I refuse.” 

He nods once, “Okay, you have till next exams to prove me wrong, I’ll get dinner started.” 

You pull out your homework, only nodding in silence as you sit on the floor by the coffee table. You eye the opened file, James Barnes, Steve is hellbent on finding his bestie. 

Tomorrow you’d have to find a willing tutor to help you, otherwise, you’re royally screwed.

~tags; comment or message me to be tagged~

@nicnicw06 @missshadowpup @herre-gud-nej @anasteas @letsnottalkaboutendgame @michaels-endtime @spiderchins @emmamarshmellow @romance-geek @thearcticmonkeysbitches @lastkiiiiss @daddyloonglegss

[wolfpawn]

I Hate you, I Love You Chapter 5

Chapter Summary -  Danielle helps Benedict with Christopher while the pair talk.Tom goes into his mothers and is brought to a realisation that the world is not, contrary to recent belief, all about him.

Previous Chapter

Rating - Mature (some chapters contain smut)

Triggers - references to Tom Hiddleston’s work with the #MeToo Movement. That chapter will be tagged accordingly.

authors Note - I have been working on this for the last 3 years, it is currently 180+ chapters long.  This will be updated daily, so long as I can get time to do so, obviously.

I think it goes without saying that I am taking some serious artistic licence with Tom here. I would hope he is more copped on than this......actually, considering the last few months, I think it may be somewhat true, hopefully, he isn't so naive, he is, after all, a (then) 35-year-old man, but let's face it, this makes the story more dramatic.

If you wish to be tagged, please let me know.

tags: @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog  @jessibelle-nerdy-mum @nonsensicalobsessions @damalseer

“How are you feeling?” Ben asked. He had met Danielle a few times through Tom and his family, she was incredibly normal, which was refreshing when you’re surrounded by actors and Hollywood. “I heard you yell at Tom about your night.”

“I just…Today is not the day for unimportant bull…” She caught herself before she swore. “Sorry.”

“I keep getting caught myself.” Ben dismissed changing the nappy. “Can I be so rude as to ask to heat some food for him too?”

“Sure, get him sorted and then we’ll organise that then.” She smiled. “It is nine in the morning, did you drive from London?”

“Someone, and I am not pointing fingers,” He pointed to his son. “Is getting up early, and Sophie is in Scotland, so I didn’t know what to do, I thought I would visit Tom, but well…”

“That blew up in your face.”

“That’s the polite way of putting it. This is so…not Tom.”

“Tell me about it, Diana is completely at a loss, so are Emma and Sarah, and for some reason, because he does not want to confront whatever or whoever is eating at him, I am Public Enemy Number One. Does he eat porridge?” She indicated to Christopher.

“Yes, but there’s no need to go to the trouble.”

“I usually have a bowl before I go to bed anyway,” she shrugged. “It’s only a little extra scoop; unless you want some yourself.”

“I am fine, thank you. Strong coffee is good. So you are…”

“I will be fine, I will go to bed for a while, then head to work early and get an assessment and an obligatory counselling session then be back to work.”

“That…Jesus, that’s rough.”

“You get used to it, in some ways, if that makes any bit of sense.”

“Do you not ever get nightmares?”

“Most weeks that something terrible happens, yeah.”

“Jesus.”

“I should have just gone to acting college.”

“Could you have afforded it?” There was a clear hint in Benedict’s voice that he was being sarcastic, clearly having heard everything Tom had said.

“Any other day, I’d have kneed him in the nuts for that, but today, I just can’t care, besides, it is clear, he is not the guy he was.” She sighed.

“Is that…?” Benedict pointed out the window.

“Mac, get down.” Elle didn’t even have to look, she knew it was the dog. “He’s the dog Tom found, yeah.”

“He looks good.”

“A bit scraggily, but yeah, he is doing well now.” She smiled.

“I am sorry.”

“What for?”

“Tom.”

“No one can apologise for him but himself. I only hope he sees sense, and when he does, that everyone is still here for him, because I think I am officially at the very precipice of telling him to go take a running jump off the nearest cliff.”

“No one would blame you. Thank you.” He took the fresh porridge and coffee from her and blew on it.

Half an hour, and a fed waddler later, Benedict thanked her, and left her home, tying Christopher into his car seat, before looking at Diana Hiddleston’s house and sighing.

*

“What was that ruckus outside Tom?” Diana asked, still in her nightgown.

“Benedict has gone into Danielle’s.” He stated angrily.

“I am not sure I follow.”

“He came here, supposedly to see me, but instead went into hers, and is in there now.”

“And why is that?” Diana looked at her son, she knew when he was at fault for something as a child, he would just give the start and end of a story, but nothing of what occurred in the intervening period.

“I was talking with Elle, and she went off on me, and he took her side.”

“Thomas,” Diana warned.

“I was tired and angry, and I may have said something, and she…”

“Gave you the truth?” Diana interjected. “You are my son Thomas, and I will always love you, but you need to get yourself in check, you are going to allow everything you worked for go down the toilet, and for what? When you were dating Susannah, you broke it off because you knew you would be too busy and did not want to drag her along, and now, you are going too far the other way, dropping it all for a woman, one who is not ready to settle down, and at twenty-six, that is fine, she is young, but you are putting it all on this one horse Thomas, and I am not sure the horse will even run the race.” Tom frowned. “Elle has a difficult job, and she wants her life outside it to be as smooth as possible, please do not make that any harder on her.”

Tom said no more, he knew once his mother found out the difficult night Danielle had, she would murder him for adding to her misery. “I need to get showered.” Diana nodded and went into the kitchen, turning on the radio.

“There was a road traffic accident in the early hours of this morning in Suffolk, a woman, and her two children were travelling back from a trip to Legoland when a truck driver fell asleep at the wheel, killing the occupiers of the car. The woman, named as thirty-four-year-old Carol Johnson originally from Brighton, residing in Suffolk, was recently widowed and had taken her children, eight year old Jeffery and five year old Jessica to the famous theme park following the death of her husband in a workplace accident in the North Sea on an oil rig earlier this summer, Jessica was said to be excited to start school next week, having bought her school supplies while in London with her mother. Police and paramedics at the scene said it was a devastating reminder of the dangers of driving while tired, and urge drivers to pull in and sleep if they feel themselves dozing off at the wheel.”

Tom sat on the steps of the stairs, listening to what Danielle had dealt with at work, feeling guilt riddle him once more. Diana came into the hallway, her face pale at what she had heard. “You don’t think…”

“She mentioned it, yes.”

“She was there?” Tom nodded. “And you were…”

“I didn’t know.”

“I think it best you leave her alone from now on Thomas,” Diana stated coldly.

Tom went upstairs without another word as Diana left the house to check on her neighbour.

*

For the rest of the time he was in Suffolk, Tom did as his mother suggested, and left Danielle alone. He was opening the window of the bathroom to leave out steam after a shower, and saw her in her back garden, a cup of coffee and a slice of apple crumble on the table, on a recliner garden chair, with Mac Tíre curled up on top of her. The dog, though small for a Sheppard, took up most of her torso, as she curled her arms around him, the dog clearly sensing her distress. He felt terrible for her, and was about to go apologise to her when his phone went off, looking at the screen, he noticed it was Taylor and clicked accept; since she was supposed to be in LA and that meant she was ringing him at five am there. “Hey.”

“I have the best night.” She half sang at him.

“I’m glad to hear that.”

“I sang with Nelly at Mike’s birthday.”

“What?”

“Mike Heis, the oil heir, I sang at his birthday, here in the Hamptons.” She repeated excitedly.

“The Hamptons, isn’t that on the East Coast?” Tom frowned.

“Eh, yeah, here in Long Island.”

“I thought you were in LA, that’s what you said yesterday?”

“OMG, I decided not to go, a party is so much more fun, especially for Mike, he is super rich and sweet, so I said, how could I say no, right? I mean he is practically squad approved awesome, by the way, I kissed him, so don’t be surprised to see a photo.”

“What?”

“Oh there’s nothing behind it, totally platonic, it’s on the cheek, so you’ll get over it.”

“That’s sort of, inappropriate, though, isn’t it? I mean if there are pictures.” Tom broached.

“It was a friendly one, and besides, I am not changing myself for anyone, and it keeps the cameras where they need to be. I’m tired, so I am going to bed, you’re here again tomorrow, right?”

“I need to go straight to Australia, there is one scene that went a bit awry, so I am to go there and then I am free for a week, yeah.”

“Tell them you are busy til Thursday.”

“That’s not how it goes with Marvel movies Taylor, they are in charge, not me.”

“I told my parents you are going to be here, so be here Tom.” She demanded petulantly.

“I cannot be there until I do the scene, they’ve paid the flights, I have to go.”

“Fine, but I am coming too.”

“Great.” His tone did not match the word.

“What’s wrong with you?”

“Jetlag, and a small argument with my mum’s neighbour I have to sort.”

“That woman?”

“Danielle, yes.”

“She is such a bitch, Johnny, my bodyguard, told me she was trying to sneak into your mums when I was there with you, as though she owned the place, and had like a camera phone in her hand, you are better off away from her, I bet she has a hoard of things on you, waiting for the highest bidder, you should have a high fence and an NDA put on her ass. I mean, what is she paying for that house with?”

Tom’s brow furrowed. “I never asked.”

“Maybe you should, your family has money, and she is some nurse or something, and she can live next door to your mum, and only did so after you got famous.” Taylor planted a seed in his mind; he looked down, looking at the woman that had been close to his family for so long. “I mean, it’s so cliché, use the family to get to your celebrity crush.”

“Crush?”

“Yeah, she is totally in love with you, why do you think she is always running around to your mothers, dying to see you no doubt, I mean, I bet she accidentally walked in while you were there, pretending not to know you were home.” Tom thought of the first day, and her arriving home just after him from work. “I’m right, you know it. I am used to it all, I have been in this game long enough, she is practically a stalker.”

“Tom, are you there?” a voice called from outside the bathroom.

“I better go; mum is calling.”

“What time are you into JFK tomorrow?”

“Actually, it’s to Florida.”

“What, no that’s unacceptable, change it.”

“I am afraid not everyone has private jets, love.” Tom chuckled.

“You should, fine, I will send mine to get you.”

“The next flight is from there to Hawaii and then a connection to Brisbane.”

“God, that’s a joke.” She commented.

“Get some sleep love, I will see you soon.”

“You better.” She signed off, hanging up before he could say anymore.

“Tom?” He heard his mother call from outside his room in the hallway.

“Yeah,” Tom looked at the phone. “I’m here.”

“I am going to Emma’s for a few days with Danielle, what time is your flight?”

“What?” Tom demanded, opening the bathroom door.

“Emma’s, Elle and I are going there for a few days.” Diana jumped slightly when Tom opened the door.

“Why?”

“Because Elle took that crash badly, she is not sleeping at all, apparently those children, they are keeping her awake,” Diana stated sadly. “She’s been giving compassionate leave for a week, she needs a break.”

“So she is on the verge of a breakdown, that is what you are saying, that she is nuts.”

“Thomas!”

“What, that is what you are saying, is she even safe to be around?”

“How could you say such a thing, you heard the news report, and saw the photo’s in the paper, you can see her, trying to get into the car. How she hasn’t had one is a miracle. Don’t you dare speak badly of her for it.” Diana snapped.

“She is too close to the family, you need to step back from her. How do we even know her family are dead?”

“Thomas! What has gotten into you?”

“Taylor was saying…”

“I should have known.” Diana walked off. “That girl has cost you a lot of late Thomas, I have to wonder how much you will lose before you wisen up. She is off snuggling up to billionaires sons and kissing them all too closely and you are here losing everything for her.”

“She told me about that, it was platonic.” He called down the stairs.

“And yet when I met that Australian girl from The Night Manager, she said she tried to ring you about your Emmy, she was met with an automated answer, as has Elle, and I bet others too. You cannot be friends with women, but she can snuggle men, trust has to go both ways in a relationship Thomas.” She stated back to him, opening the front door. “Ready sweetheart.” He heard her call. “Tom’s car is in my way, put Mac in and we’ll take yours.”

[actuallyvady]

Tagged by @ryanglitter, figure i might as well do the thing ♥

1. Do you make your bed?   

No, lol. Sometimes I’ll throw the blankets back into a semblance of made so the cat can sleep on the one she likes best.

2. What’s your favorite number? 

3 is the biggest, most important one-- I love the number 3 and any number divisible by 3, and I have since I was young enough to know what the number 3 was but not yet old enough to develop memories I would keep so I have no idea why. But it extends at least somewhat to geometric designs as well-- I tend to prefer symmetry based on odd numbers and like... there’s a triangle in the middle of my giant back tattoo. 

I am also quite fond of 13, because it’s my birthday and because I turned 13 on a friday. It helps that it has a 3 in it.

And I quite like the number 17, for reasons I cannot explain. I am drawn to it, and find it... soothing? That’s not quite right. Grounding, perhaps. 

3. What’s your job? 

I cut rectangles of fabric all day. Sometimes I have to stick rectangles together to make bigger ones.

4. If you could, would you go back to school?  

... that depends on what “if you could�� means. I could! I could literally enroll anywhere I liked tomorrow, my parents would support me in doing that. But I already have tens of thousands of dollars of student loan debt and no degree to show for it, so I probably won’t. That said, if I suddenly found myself financially solvent to the point where there would be no loans and I didn’t have to worry about having a job with health insurance? Yeah, I might. 

I miss the fancy, nerdy engineering school I was at before my mental health problems made me flunk out. I am actually being treated for those now, and I would love to go back, and see if maybe I couldn’t be successful this time around. It was a lovely place and I felt at home there and hell, I even miss having math homework and tearing my hear out over physics problems. 

So yeah... if I “could” I would. 

5. Can you parallel park? 

Yeah. My first year at my first college I said fuck that noise to paying $300 for a parking pass and spent all semester using street parking even though I lived on campus. Now I drive a toy car with a tight turning radius and can fit into even the tiniest spaces, which means I am less afraid of street parking than most of my friends. It’s a pity I can’t be the one to drive when we go out somewhere-- the aforementioned “toy car” seats two, and the passenger will probably have difficulty getting in and out and therefore cannot have any, like, knee or back problems. 

6. A job you had which would surprise people?

I fell for a couple of MLM schemes when I was younger, one of which involved selling sex toys. 

7. Do you think aliens are real?

Yes, but I do not believe they have ever come here. 

8. Can you drive a manual car? 

Yes, but not well, and I prefer not to. That said, it is a little disappointing that my toy car is an automatic-- he’d be more fun as a manual. But he was the one I happened to find for sale when I needed a car and I love him... plus I can manually control which gear I am in for the first three gears, if I so choose; that is an option my toy car has.  

9. What’s your guilty pleasure? 

I do not feel guilty for the things I enjoy. 

10. Tattoos? I 

I have a giant phoenix on my whole back and a sprig of cherry blossoms on the inside of my right arm. I am currently considering three more, one of which will happen as soon as I am not spending all of every paycheck on kpop (so about a week after never, if things keep going the way they are)

11. Favorite color? 

I have always said it was green. I do not remember deciding that it was green; I declared green my favorite color before I was old enough to form memories that I would keep, much like my love for the number 3. I have childhood things that are green because it was my favorite color that I acquired very, very young. 

That said, I was reminded recently why green is my favorite color. 

On Monday night I went to the denver art museum to see an exhibit of claude monet’s work. I am quite fond of monet, so I took my time, standing and staring at some of the pieces long after the audio tour had told me to move on to the next room. And what I was most fond of was the fact that many of his pieces are so... life-like. They’re more real than photographs, because they not only capture a sense of movement, they seem to capture a feeling-- there were several where I just wanted to close my eyes and listen to the wind in the leaves and feel the sun on my face. Because looking at these paintings, I felt like I could.

Anyway, green is the color of dappled sunlight filtering through thick foliage and soft cool grass beneath bare feet and I adore it.

12. Things people do that drive you crazy? 

If I am posting a rant about something, I do not want you to offer solutions-- especially when those “solutions” are not helpful in any way. Unless I ask a question directly or request suggestions, please refrain from shoving your “expertise” in my face; chances are good I’ve already thought of what you are suggesting and figured out why it won’t work. 

That’s not an important one, it just annoys me so much.

13. Any Phobias? 

I’m getting better about spiders! I can deal with them existing in my space, now. Still freeze if I try to approach them to like rehome them outside but. 

14. Favorite childhood sport? 

There was a brief period of time where I played soccer at recess. Then I fractured my pinky when a ball hit it the wrong way and I stopped doing that. 

15. Do you talk to yourself? 

Mostly I act out the dialogue to whatever daydream or fanfiction I am currently playing with. (These days I am developing elaborate post-canon stories for the Untamed. No, I will not share them. They are very self-indulgent and kind of ridiculous, especially the longer I play with them.)

16. What movie do you adore? 

It just came up on facebook again yesterday so Jupiter Ascending is actually one of my favorite movies and no, I will not listen to arguments why I should not love it. 

There are others, of course, but.

17. Do you like doing puzzles?

Like... jigsaw puzzles or like... what? Because it really, really depends on what kind. Some I am more fond of than others. Generally speaking, as long as I am not under a time constraint, yes.

18. Favorite kind of music? 

These days? kpop. 

19. Tea or coffee? 

Yes. I drink both regularly.

20. The first thing you remember you wanted to be when you grew up? 

There was a winter olympics when I was about five and I clearly recall wanting to be a figure skater but thinking I was too old to start training. 

Not going to tag anyone, just thought it would be fun to answer. ♥

[nekoabi]

Nerdy - Chapter 1

So, I’ve had the description of this fic on my works page for a long time, but I’m just now getting to it, and the plan for this fic ended up being 1000 words. That’s how seriously into this I am.

All of this is based off of a Busted song of the same name:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E4Aft6tJgBE

Reminder: I am British! Some things might be based off of my school and life experience and words!

High School AU Pairing: Logince Words: 1263 Warnings: None I can think of! Let me know!

Summary: Logan has always been a lone wolf, and he’s enjoyed it. But recently, someone’s been invading his thoughts.

From a very young age, Logan had learnt how to enjoy being alone and where he felt he belonged. He’d always felt too different to be involved with the rest of the kids, they’d all found some kind of niche group to fall into early on. Of course, it all had to end up highly stereotypical with the in groups and out groups, right down to which of them got along and which of them got into disagreements. This was almost always present in the cafeteria at lunch, which was why Logan stayed away for as long as he could. He went there to eat but left as soon as he was done in order to spend the rest of his time in the library. This had been his life for years, and it was comfortable.

There was no way the world would let him live this way. Though, of course, it was not as though there was this ever-driving force that pushed his life in a certain direction, it was all purely through his own choices and will. This fact made it ever more frustrating to Logan that he’d somehow developed a fixation on Roman Prince.

It had to be him, of all the people in the world. The most popular kid in school, the most outgoing and social of all of them, the biggest personality in the room, the most infuriatingly loud, obnoxious, conceited, gorgeous, self-centred human in the building.

Logan physically shook his head to bring himself out of his thoughts. It was unlike him to be day-dreaming. The paper in front of him came back into focus and he read through the hand-written words penned before him, only for his attention to be caught by a loud group walking past the open library doors.

He recognised the faces as they walked by but had no connection to them at all. They were loudly laughing and joking, each trying to be louder than the others around them. Then it was all gone. It was practically silent, or at least the noise was muffled. All because he’d come into view. From the centre of the group.

It was almost as though the seconds stretched longer just so Logan could take in all the details of the boy. The styled hair, the bright smile, the lean shape to his body, the style of his clothing, even the boisterous laugh that burst through the haze of noise.

Then he was gone. The group walked past the door, out of sight and Logan was jolted back to where he was. His head ducked to cover the blush he felt spreading across his cheeks. Quickly, he flipped to a new page in the notepad in front of him and he began writing something brand new.

One of the group’s voices somehow came loose from the soundscape it was lost in previously, even from as far away as they were.

“Hey Ro, you’re definitely coming to this party this weekend.” It was a statement, not a question.

“Of course. Wouldn’t miss it.” Roman’s response was no surprise to Logan, and he felt himself drifting back into frustration, this time at the other boy.

How he could just let someone else make this decision for him and then Roman just completely go along with it, with no hesitation or questions. Just a simple, yes!

It was infuriating. How someone with so little agency could grasp Logan’s attention and thoughts like this. He needed Roman to be less intriguing, less interesting.

He continued writing for a while, stopping periodically to consider his words, before he checked the time. 15 minutes before the last classes of the day were to begin, and he’d just finished. Perfect.

Logan gathered up his belongings, swinging his bag onto his shoulder. He made his way out of the library and towards his classroom, the paper he’d been writing on folded neatly in his palm.

The classroom was still deserted as the rest of the students were using every last second of their lunch break to the fullest, almost desperate for it to go on longer. Logan, however, made his way to his usual seat.

Halfway, he paused and considered a chair that sat at the centre table of the room. Chewing the inside of his lip, Logan darted between the chairs and tables before ending up standing at the chair. There was no turning back. He knew he had to do this.

Taking a pen out of the front pocket of his messenger bag, Logan quickly scrawled a name on the top of the folded paper. It then fell onto the chair.

Logan took his usual seat as if nothing had happened, preparing his notepad and books and pens for the next lesson. He buried himself in one of the books as the door opened, revealing a couple more students. Slowly, but surely a third of the class had filed in and taken their seats. The teacher appeared, along with the rest of the students. What had been a fairly peaceful room soon become what felt like a prison of noise. Logan was trapped, but had to endure it all the same, knowing it would soon be quelled.

He also couldn’t help himself. The book dropped down to the desk, and Logan kept his gaze on it for the most part, but this position was much more suited for indulging his curiosity. He kept flicking his eyes over to the chair, seeing it still unoccupied. There was this awful sinking feeling in his stomach as he questioned his choice.

It was too late, Logan reasoned to himself, what was done was done. As if on cue, the table’s occupants appeared and moved into their usual seating arrangement.

Logan watched out of the corner of his eye as Roman pulled out the chair, his attention focused still on the conversation with his companions. But the white of the paper managed to catch his eye and he picked it up curiously. It was clear he noticed his name on it, as he was about to unfold it right then and there.

“What is that you got there?” The student sat next to Roman leaned closer to have a better look, all they were able to see was Roman’s name written across the front. “No way. Is this a love note? Oh my god, this has to be a love note.” The student was gathering everyone’s attention, and Logan could practically feel his heartbeat in his every extremity. “Go on! Open it, let’s see this.”

Roman moved quicker, putting the note into his bag, “I wouldn’t want to give someone special treatment.” He’d gathered himself and was commanding the room, “Of course, this is nothing new and so I don’t want to single any one person out for- “

He was cut off by the teacher who wanted to finally start the lesson. Logan was filled with some undiscernible emotion. He felt relief, of course. But there was also this sense of disgust at the arrogance that was just displayed before him. How could he do that? How could he say that?

The lesson passed uneventfully, Logan’s mind still hung up on what has transpired. It was frustrating. He didn’t want this. He just wanted to focus. He couldn’t have been more thankful when they were free to leave, and he was finally able to get away from the ever-distracting boy. The rest of the day passed uneventfully, and Logan found himself making his way back over to the library to wait for his lift home.

Chapters: 1 2 3 4 5

Rest of my stuff: http://nekoabi.tumblr.com/myworks

Tag List: @not-so-innocent-bi-sander​ @didsomeonesayprince​ @llamaly​ @justanotherpurplebutterfly​ @ultimate-queen-of-fandoms2​ @iaminmultiplefandoms​ @lowkeyvirgilobsessed​ @louisthewarlock​ @starsfightback​ @xxladystarlightxx​

@sanders-sides-thuri gets a tag because i was given permission

[sebbytrash]

Winter Canvas - Part 2

The One Where Nat Has A Point 

Summary - AU Reader is an Art Major and needs a life model for a major assessment. The catch? It’s gotta be a stranger.

Pairing - Bucky x Reader

Warnings - None (Swearing maybe)

A/N - Thank you for all the support on Part 1 guys, I really appreciate it. Please also know any tag requests have to be sent to my inbox. 

Winter Canvas Masterlist

The door to class is mercifully still opened, allows you a small window of time to sneak in and collapse in your seat, more out of breath than you'd care to admit. Nat, your best friend, gives you a look when you seek her out. You roll your eyes and mouth later then attempt to arrange the mess of paper from your fall, muttering a little as you do, cursing the beautiful stranger for ruining all efforts to keep your school stuff organised. This was your year, you'd promised, that you be adulty. Ha! It lasted about 3 days.

Bucky. What kind of name is Bucky anyway? A sexy kind, your mind whispers. You smother it with a metaphorical pillow. Traitorous mind.

Class goes relatively smoothly, you manage to reorganise everything plus take all your notes so you count that as a win. Just as your reach the end of the pile, you find a sheet that sticks out, slightly crumpled and torn looking. The handwriting is a scrawled mess, the words barely legible bar one corner of the paper where neat handwriting notes a name and number. Carly, with a little heart next to it.

Carly? Oh. Oh! This was Bucky’s paper. Awesome, great, perfect. Now you needed to have a second conversation with Smirkface McSexy. Maybe this time, you think, you can keep your shit together enough to not actually swoon. I mean, of course he has some girl's number haphazardly written on a random piece of paper like it's no big deal, like numbers really are handed out like pamphlets. You're  absolutely not jealous at all, nope, not one bit.

“Who's Carly? Is she hot?” Nat asks, quirking a signature eyebrow at you as she peers over your shoulder at the paper, unbothered by any social boundaries regarding such things. Nat’s not a fan of boundaries, period.

“Sadly, not mine. I literally ran into someone earlier and must've picked this up by mistake.” You tuck the paper away as you say it, swinging you bag over your shoulder and following Nat out the class.

“Too bad. You seem like you need a little Carly right now, purely based on the number of times you've dropped your shit recently.” She laughs and dodges the shove you aim her way. Well, she's not wrong, but still.

“We don't all make it our personal mission to date at least 90% of Campus population before we leave, ya know.” You say, probably only slightly embellishing the number and laugh when all she does is blow you a kiss in response.

“Who’s the someone?” She nods towards the bag where Bucky’s paper is stashed.

“Uh, some guy. Bucky something.” You tell her, nose wrinkling a bit at the reminder of it.

“Bucky Barnes?” She asks, her tone reaching decibels not yet registered.

“I dunno, Nat. Not like we exchanged birth certificates. He helped me with my stuff, I left.”

“Ok, well tell me this. Was he the most gorgeous thing you’d ever seen in your life? Dark hair, amazing blue eyes?” She lists the list like she could go on for days.

“That does sound like him actually.” You say, mouth twisting to fight the smile, “Jesus he was something else. I, of course, was as awkward as ever. He shook my hand and I stared at it, Nat. Like I’d never seen a fucking hand before!”

She laughs, “I'm sure it wasn't that bad. Don’t be so dramatic.” Your eyes roll so hard they almost realign. The irony.

Nat is quiet a minute, and it makes you nervous, her silence always making way to scheming the usually ends up with you in some situation or another. “So, anyways, Clint’s Frat House is throwing a party tonight.” She starts walking backwards away from you, “You're going. No excuses.” Then she's gone before you can think so answer. A party. Great.

Forever Tags  @manawhaat @theashhole @a-little-hell-to-raise @betheboo55 @palaiasaurus64  @captain-rogers-beard @chrisevansnco @howlingbarnes @poealsobucky @raxacoricofallapatoriuspotter @johnmurphys-sass @katbird787 @because-imma-lady-assface @stephie-senpai @movingonto-betterthings @sexyvixen7 @hollycornish @feelmyroarrrr @jobean12-blog @sanjariti @waywarddaughter1317 @justreadingfics @abovethesmokestacks @justareader @smoothdogsgirl @theliarone @aikibriarrose @peculiar-persephone @timeladylaurel @badassbaker @earinafae @crushed-pink-petals @purgatoan @tardis-is-mine @httpmcrvel @bucky2-0 @mocking-rain @imhereforbvcky @sociallyimpairedme @jezzula @bless-my-demons @winterboobaer @ign-is @vintagevalentinexx @indominusregina @-supernatural-coffee-llama @alwayshave-faith @itsonlysarah @thelastxgoodthing @superwholocknda @shifutheshihtzu @mizzzpink @yknott81 @haven-in-writing @avengerofyourheart @danijimenezv @xtina2191 @movingonto-betterthings @reniescarlett @carriefish-er @stormy-thomas @simplyme8308 @simplyme8308 @tinaferraldo @stevergxrs @wickedwerewolf @ayeputita @tori-medusa-belongs-to-bucky @winchesterswantmypie @buchonians @tatalopes23

Bucky Tags  @beautiful-aravis @miss-mcbotty @bucky-is-my-precious @thing-you-do-with-that-thing @its-daydreamer23 @learisa @the-observant-fangirl @borkybeans @almost-dean-inside @nerdy-gal316 @brandybucky @creideamhgradochas @beefthief247 @waywardpumpkin

Winter Canvas Tags  @isnt-the-blog-youre-looking-for @marvellousholland @klmpun @fizzylollipop12 @ellen-reincarnated1967 @darkeratm

Tags are open (for the moment) but please send an Ask and consider feedback (likes/reblogs/replies/asks) because it takes a buttload of time to do the tags :)

[bonniebird]

Stilinski & (Y/L/N)

Stiles x Reader

You sat in the middle, row of seats alone, hoping no one would talk to you or ask you to many questions. You felt out of place. You even thought your clothes were out of place despite being exactly the same as everyone else's.

Just when you were ready to sink down into your chair and wallow in the anxious feeling that spiralled through your stomach a flail of limbs and squeaking shoes burst into the room. “Sorry i’m late.” He muttered.

Stiles Stilinski, the awkward nerdy guy who you’d met once four or five years ago at a party your cousin threw. He didn’t remember you. You didn’t have the nerve to find your voice and remind him. So he would just awkwardly sit next to you.

You’d been paired to bring out the lacking qualities in each other. Basically the leader of your training wanted you to shut Stiles up and start talking yourself. A terrible plan on their part but it could be worse so you didn’t complain.

“Stilinski, (Y/L/N)!” Your lead bellowed and you actually jumped. “You’re somehow the top scoring group in the whole squad so you’re...being sent over to the BAU on request of, some tech girl.” The leader looked irritated when Stiles threw his hands in the air and high fived you.

“So we’re like part of the BAU?” He asked and pulled a face when he received a glare.

“You’re there on probation, the two of you screw up they send you back.” With that you were both dismissed to pack a bag for your first case.

“This is going to be so cool, have you heard of their cases! I didn’t think i’d ever be working with them, means I can’t move around but where I lived kind of sucks.” Stiles sucked in a huge breath as if he’d forgotten to breath between the words he’d spoken.

“I know Beacon Hills.” You mumbled so quietly it was a wonder he’d heard you.

“You know where I live?” He gave you a dubious look as you reached the accommodation rooms and you hurried to yours.

“You went to school with my cousin.” You muttered and stared at your feet.

“I did?” He asked and you nodded as he followed you to your room. “Who was it, you don’t look like anyone I know?”

“Greenberg… He was on the Lacrosse team.” You blushed when he burst into laughter and headed to his dorm.

He popped back a while later and frowned when you tossed out all your things, your hands were shaking and you were talking to yourself under your breath. “They should give you a check list that way you can’t get it wrong!” You sighed and jumped when you realised Stiles was looking at you like you were a nutter.

“Do you want some help?” He offered kindly. When you shook your head he shrugged. “Do you want to look at what I packed?”

When you didn’t answer he dumped his bag on your bed and opened it for you. He seemed to calm immediately and talk you through his thought process for what he had in his bag which helped you neatly pack your own bag.

“I’m sorry.” You mumbled quietly as you locked your room and you both headed down to the desk to leave the spare keys at the reception.

“It’s fine, we all get nervous… I mean Greenberg, gets so nervous he drops the ball.” Stiles chuckled when you smiled and you were escorted to a large SUV outside.

****************

“Can you believe we’re about to go into the bullpen!” Stiles had been chattering non stop and seemed to have reverted back to bouncing and flailing with excitement.

“What if they don’t like us.” You said which abruptly ended his rambling. “What if I do everything wrong, what if I’m not smart enough and then everyone dies and the evil serial killers take over the world and it explodes and then space stops!” Your eyes went wide and Stiles looked like he was deciding if he should hug you or step away.

“Well, i’m pretty sure space can’t just stop. So… you don’t need to worry about that one.” Stiles smiled when you let out a nervous laugh. “I’m also pretty sure they don’t put newbies on the world destruction front.”

“And if they don’t like us?” You asked quietly as the doors opened.

“Well… they have to have a real reason to fail us and we got the top scores in our group… besides I hear they’re really kooky and break the rules a lot.” Stiles grinned as he slung an arm over your shoulder and lead you out of the lift.

“THE BABY AGENTS!” Someone squealed and you both stopped as a women covered head to toe in sparkles, pink and green shuffled over in equally elaborate shoes.

“I think they’re going to be ok with plaid shirts.” You muttered to Stiles who chuckled and nodded as the woman opened the glass doors and beckoned you're through.

“I’m Penelope but you can call me Garcia everyone does!” She said happily and hugged you both. She seemed to spot you’d tensed as she hugged you so she ended the hug quickly,

“I’m well… I have a really long name that no one can pronounce just call me Stiles.” He grinned and stuck out his hand. You were about to stutter out your name when Stiles pointed at you. “This is (Y/N), She’s worried about destroying the world.”

“You know what me too!” Garcia gasped as she lead you to a room off the bullpen. “I try and recycle everything, if I could i’d compost too!”

She pushed open the door and said something as she motioned for you to wait outside. “See, you’re not the only one who worries about the world.” Stiles teased.

When Garcia came back she introduced you to everyone. “You’re ready to leave right away?” Hotch asked the two of you and you both nodded.

“We were told to pack bags incase we left right away.” Stiles motioned to the bags in your hands.

“Good,  you’ll need to be briefed.” He muttered and nodded to Garcia who held the door out of the way as everyone filled out. “Everyone wheels up in fifteen minutes.”

*****************

“We’re heading to Salt Lake City, the Captain asked for us personally.” Hotch explained as a friendly blond woman handed you both case files with a wide smile.

“Isn’t that what normally happens?” Stiles mumbled as he flipped through the file.

“We normally recover an official invite, not a phone call requesting for us immediately.” Hotch explained.

“JJ.” JJ said as she shook your hand and smiled at Stiles who nodded. “It looks like his cooling off period is getting shorter which is what caused the alarm, in the last two years it's gone from one a year to two a year… and as of yesterday night three.”

Both of you knew who Reid was so he didn’t need to introduce himself and he looked like he had forgotten you were there when he frowned and hummed in thought.  “With the city wide alert that someone is attacking and kidnapping women it’s probably harder to get hold of victims… which would be why the police found out so soon that the latest woman was taken.” Reid mumbled.

“He’s frustrated, he can’t grab them how he usually does.” Stiles muttered and glanced at you when you hummed and frowned.

“You see anything?” The man sat across from you asked and you shrugged. “I’m Derek Morgan… I didn’t catch your name.” He smiled and you stuttered out your name.

“I think he’s been following them, he likes a strict routine so he’s probably planning out every second and making sure he knows what his victims are doing and when.” You muttered and everyone quickly went over the file again.

“That’s a good catch, it’s most likely that his job allows him several accesses to the house so he can get used to the layout, figure out how to get in and out for a while without knowing.” Rossi added and you smiled when he agreed with you.

“Right when we touch down Stiles, (Y/N) you’re with me and Reid we need to introduce you to profiling the scene.” Hotch addressed you and then everyone else.

“Um… guys… you’re not going to like this!” Garcia sighed as she popped up on the computer. “There’s another victim but the body of the girl taken last night has just been found… they think it’s your guy.”

“That’s less than twelve hours.” Morgan gasped and glanced around the plane.

“What ever she did, really pissed him off.” JJ muttered as the plane started to land.

***********

“This is so awesome!” Stiles blabbered and motioned apologetically at one of the crime techs who frowned at him.

“Stiles someone died!” You hissed and he winced.

“Please tell me they’re not stuffed in there!” Stiles muttered as Hotch and Reid opened the trunk.

“They’re positioned the same way a child would hide.” Reid noted and glanced at Hotch who nodded.

“They look like all the other victims, same hair colour and height.” You mumbled and backed away a little.

“The UNSUB is sticking to his pattern but he’s reacting as if something is causing him to lose control quicker.” Hotch sighed as he started looking over the scene, comparing it to photos.

“The eyes are covered, hands over the ears?” Reid muttered.

You continued helping, mostly observing the team and pitching ideas once you all met up at the office the local PD had set aside for you.

“Stiles?” You muttered and winced as he glanced at you as you rolled in an empty board and dumped your copies of all the information Garcia had sent you. “Um… I sort of like to make boards and I was just hoping you didn’t mind it being in the way.”

“Not at all!” He grinned grabbing his bag as he held up some string. “Sort of my thing.” He grinned as the two of you started arranging the information.

Tags: @nettuskainen,  @ryleeroseb4, @supercarricat, @daddyobrienx, @just-your-average-fangirl07, @ambrosedreamer,  @myangelarcade, @cela-aussi-passera-14, @void-beta-lahey, @kellinsbesitos, @dionnemaria, @eternalmikaelson, @daddyobrienx, @werewolvesplunderedourcameras,  @dantheo,  @brok3nsurvivor,  @weirdnewbie, @raggedymans-lover, @joeynihil,  @heyitssilverwolf, @sawyerjeann, @stormyfandoms, @thoughtfulfandomtrash, @vivirunmillondevidas, @drinkkalone, @yourphotographyteen16, @bookswillfindyouaway, @local-dreamerrs, @holyfuckinghale1975, @lwerewolfangelp, @ilvermornyqueen, @goodgriefitsawildworld, @mixed-up-fangirl, @peice-of-whoops, @stilescstilinski, @wolfshifter4life, @penguimo10, @megs4real, @lildoog-ish, @jeannetheperson, @luke-hemmings-uuu, @lolsavheda, @ariannasimagines, @littlemsdemon, @cheydenise5sos, @dammmitdaniel, @anoriginalvampirediary, @cutepuppy1303, @theallthesame12, @sydneyhlove, @alexa040004, @yoko32me, @yellswhenexcited, @laeyly, @5seconds-of-fandoms, @akshi8278, @procrastinationoutlet, @afanfictionworld,  @lj-laufeypevensieweasley, @cassiopeia-barrow, @alphaallie , @babiijayla, @teenwolfismalife, @luciferwaitsformetogethome, @justanotherfangirl000, @shamidreamer, @robynlester98, @wckedheart, @awkwardlyadorkablepanda, @rceaken, @geekoftv , @emmabaker34, @amyjane1100,  @drewkelliii, @unic0rn-taking-0ver-th3-world, @therealmrshale. @sad-eyes-smiling-lips, @coldanddead, @jazzijanal, @mikealsonlover,  @icharleecongreve, @wrapbuckyinablanket, @youtube-obsessed-duh, @jazzrivera27  , @totallovelesson, @r-iverdales,  @childoftheangel, @buckysprintessa,  @cantdealwithyourshitcarl, @omegas-world,  @miikayywhocares,  @shayx5, @ohyeahlahey,  @imnotafraid4, @kiwiwolf02, @sheridandwyer,  @livstilinski, @fangirling-over-all, @zachmantle , @isabellanagasaka, @dylan-obemine87, @ogstydiashipper,  @music–is–life16, @thejulietfarciertlove, @fangirling-over-all, @shantayok, @niawoods, @fandom-imaginestar, @madredqueen000, @chimerahs, @rosesarestriped, @livinglife-dsa, @frappylou, @fadedmermories14, @lahey-trash, @archer-whovian-violinist, @cute-thingy, @purpleetou,  @an-imperfect-universe, @midnightpanda, @avahhharm, @dragmedowntobeaconhills, @crazysimmerthings, @holyfuckloueh, @sarcasm-only-defense, @blackglittercrown, @fadedmermories14, @fandomsandotherstuff, @angrykittty24, @luciferwaitsformetogethome, @penguimo10,  @chirukye, @itsall-inmy-head, @anomonous2,  , @itsssmichelleee,  @kephely123​, @ackles-winchester,  @charlottelbl2 , @ms-allenbrown​, @teen-wolf-squad

[notdepressedjusttired]

Can you??? Answer??? All the Soft Asks??????

This is gonna take a while ;;;;;

🌸Blankets: Have you been in love?

Yes.

🌸Stuffies: How did you meet your best friend?

I have 3 of them??

My oldest friendship dates back to Kindergarten. His name is Joshua, he gave me a flower, and told me I was pretty. I still talk to and hang out with him. I tease him a lot because I’m older than him by 7 months but he’s like;;; 6’ tall? I love him with all my heart though. We’ve been through a lot of shit together.

My current IRL best friend I met my freshman year; her sophomore year of high school. We actually only passed by eachother during passing period, but we both had the same nerdy Doctor Who bag. I had said I like her backpack and she was about to say thanks, but she burst into laughter after she saw we had the same bag. A few weeks later we were both cast in our school’s first musical of the year and she hasn’t been able to get rid of me since. We’ve gone through almost too much together if I’m being honest…

My BEST FRIEND BEST FRIEND is @thighkyuu We met on here over a year ago after one of us was having a bad night; I can’t remember which, but we must have talked til like 4 AM. We bonded over Mysme, anime, music, our philosophies about life, our depression and anxiety ((fucked up as that may sound it’s true)), just all kinds of things. We’ve both been through our separate traumas over the course of that year, but we were there for eachother. She’s been my only constant over this year and I would do anything for her.

🌸Fluffy Pillows: What happened in your most recent dream?

Jesus, here comes my voltron obsessed ass.

Okay. So. Everyone knows that I love Keith, I’d do anything for him, so naturally we’re partners. “There is no way you two aren’t twins.” If I remember, I think Lance said that.

Anyway, in the dream, this was before they left Earth. Keith and I were in the shack going over our cork board filled with papers/files stolen from the Garrison, photographs of the strange markings on the cave wall, the rock formations in the desert, and all of this string; we’re covering the board trying to figure out what the hell pulled us out in the middle of the desert. All the sudden there was a flash of light and a huge BOOM. Naturally we both ran outside and saw an alien space craft entering the atmosphere. My first thought of course “I’m taking my hoverbike and explosives from the back.” “I’m taking mine to see what the fuck is in that ship.”

I set off the explosives and get the fuck out of there. It all goes as canon but I’m riding next to Keith on my hoverbike while he has 4 other people on his bike. Im dying from laughter and Keith just looks pissed but then we get to the cliff and we’re both ecstatic about it while 3 of the 5 on his bike scream in terror. The rest goes as canon but I’m tagging along and adding in my 2 cents in every now and again.

When we go to look for Red, Keith can’t get a clear feel for him. Keith knows the general area he’s going to be in but can not figure out which hangar Red is in. Suddenly theres like this ping in my head and I grab his upper arm and start pulling him to the hangar Red is in. We’re both relieved as fuck and Keith goes up to him and asks for entry and Red denies, I look over and see all the soldiers running toward us and start backing the fuck up. “RED OPEN THE FUCK UP!” still no entry, Keith opens the hangar door sucking everything out into space. We’re both freaking the fuck out cause what the hell do we do?! Red comes in. Keith is in the pilot’s seat; I’m standing next to him cause what else am I supposed to do??

Then I woke up.

🌸Scented Candles: How do you relax?

I watch voltron. Sketch Keith. Listen to music. Go on tumblr. You know anti-social fun stuff.

🌸Gem Stones: What’s your birthstone/favourite stone?

My birthstone is Garnet. It is also my favourite stone.

🌸Pyjamas: Describe your favourite pyjamas!

I dont wear pyjamas… I’m usually fully dressed or completely naked when I go to bed.

🌸Fuzzy Socks: What’s your favourite movie?

V for Vendetta. No competition.

🌸Kittens & Puppies: Name of your pet or your ideal pet?

Zarina Karina McBeana The Third. My bichon. She’s turning 11 this year *sniffles* they grow up so fast.

🌸Laughter: What’s the funniest joke you’ve heard?

My ex-boyfriend saying he’s sorry for everything he’s done to me and then asking for me back. I was clutching my fucking sides I was laughing so hard.

🌸Mittens: Do you like the snow?

❄I❄❄L❄O❄V❄E❄❄S❄N❄O❄W❄

🌸Hot Coco: What’s your favourite Starbucks drink?

Chai anything. I’m easy to please.

🌸Soft Kisses: Describe your OTP

We been makin shades of purple out of Red and Blue.

🌸Rainy Days: What do you do on a rainy day?

Sleep. Go on tumblr. Sleep more.

🌸Flower Petals: What’s your favourite flower?

Orchids because I too die if not given the proper attention.

🌸Cotton Candy: What’s your favourite candy?

Albanese Gummi Bears. It has to be Albanese or I will not eat them.

🌸Bubble Baths: Your favourite memory?

Turning around and seeing Sam’s face for the first time IRL at Kamicon a couple weeks ago.

🌸Wooly Scarfs: What song do you think relates the most to you?

Sick of losing soulmates by Dodie Clark. There are many kinds of soulmates. Friend soulmates, romatic soulmates, mentoring soulmates. And I’ve lost too many soulmates in my short life. I dont think I can handle losing any more…

🌸Roasted Marshmallows: Your camping with friends! Describe the forest you’re pitching your tent in.

We found a clearing in the thick of green woods next to a stream. The friendly scent of pine needles reminds me of home. Joshua is pitching tents. Mary Grace is chatting away with Abby and Tina about the mountain we’ve just climbed down. Sam and I find ourselves in the middle of the forest enjoying the smell of the dew drops in the grass as we collect kindle wood. Cosmo is tuning her ukulele when we finish the fire and set up camp. The evening begins creeping in as the sun starts to fade from view. We all stay in a comfortable silence as we look up at the stars and swirling nebula; listen to the sound of the gentle breeze and Cosmo lazily strumming “I can’t help falling in love with you” by Elvis Presley. The air is chilled but everything feels warm.

🌸Bird Songs: Name 5 things you love

Keith Kogane, friends/family, music, theater, sharp objects.

🌸Old Books: Do you read? If so, what’s your favourite book series?

I do read. My favourite book series continues to be the hunger games. My favourite solo book is The fault in our stars.

🌸Warm Hugs: Who would you love a hug from right now?

My choreographer Kristina Lewis… She took her own life 2 years ago… I’d do anything to bring her back and tell her how much I love her…

🌸Clouds: What’s the best shaped cloud you’ve seen?

It was the shape of a hippo! I was so excited.

🌸Fae: Describe yourself as a fairy

Little shit. Sets things on fire all the time. Makes people’s lives a living hell. Wears red and black clothes only. Definitely one of those fairys that have dragon kind of wings.

🌸Holding Hands: What was the name of your first love?

Daniel.

🌸Cupcakes: Favourite cupcake flavour?

Vanilla bean. I’m a very plan person.

🌸Tealights: Describe a romantic date perfect for you

At home, Pizza and candy boxes everywhere, blanket pile, lights off, movie marathon, cuddling, forehead kisses, raspberries being blown into the neck and cheek, smiles, giggling, flustered faces.

🌸Gardens: What’s the sweetest gift you’ve received

My tech teacher bought me these beautiful detail brushes ((for those of you who dont know I was head painter at my old school)). They’re my most treasured possessions.

[road2nf]

Jensen McRae | The Road to Nerdfighteria

DFTBA. If you are not subscribed to the vlogbrothers YouTube channel, and if you never have been, you might not know what that stands for. It’s an initialism (because acronyms are pronounceable, fact c/o of a vlogbrothers video) that stands for Don’t Forget To Be Awesome. It is the official (or perhaps unofficial) motto of the nerdfighter community. (Nerdfighters are people who are fans of vlogbrothers, the content creators therein, or the community therein. I think that’s enough definitions for now). When I was 14 years old, this book called The Fault in Our Stars came out. A good friend of mine was kind of obsessed with the author, this slightly sub-middle-aged white guy named John Green, and she insisted that I read both The Fault in Our Stars and Looking for Alaska, this John Green guy’s first book. I was a reader in childhood, having developed nearsightedness due to my predilection for reading in the dark after my bedtime by flashlight (at least that’s the explanation my mother gave me). However, recently I’d found myself frustrated by books. I would tear through middle-grade chick lit (that’s the best way I can describe these terribly formulaic books with dull characters and contrived plots that always involved two straight/white/able-bodied/middle-class best friends falling in love) when I found it, but other than that, I wasn’t reading as much as I used to. I can’t really remember what I did with my free time. I guess I was writing songs? I think I was mostly playing The Sims 3. I digress. In any case, I was in ninth grade and on the precipice of Maybe Being Cool, and this friend was one of the cooler girls in class, so I bought TFiOS (hip shorthand) about two months after its publication and read it over spring break in ninth grade. I read it in one three or four hour sitting, and I cried. Like a lot. It was the first time since early childhood that I could remember a book moving me in such a poignant way. I was attached to the characters, I was absorbed by the plot, and the language! The LANGUAGE in that story was so compelling. I was picking up on subtext and metaphors in a way that I’d only ever done when I was forced to in English class. The book had reinvigorated my love for words in stories that no other book could have. Then I took a brief reading hiatus. The second half of my ninth grade year was me continuing to ascend the social ladder, however slowly. I still joked that I was a dork, but the truth of the matter was, I had friends from every rung. I was sociable with tech geeks, theater nerds, football players, and cheerleaders alike. I felt like people had stopped looking through me like I was invisible. It was largely due to my presence on the school newspaper, which drew both the ambitious popular kids and the ambitious nerdy kids to its ranks. Also, I had a boyfriend. We never kissed or held hands or even went on dates, but we hung out every day at school and told people we were dating. This was enough to get me at least a bit of social buying power. (I promise this is all relevant to the story). Then, at the end of freshman year, I realized that I was sick of having a boyfriend who did not kiss me or hold my hand or go on dates with me, and also didn’t answer my texts or calls once school let out. So I called his house and dumped him over the phone. I spent the summer feeling sorry for myself, turning to the Internet and its thriving subculture of fame and infamy. Whenever I get heartbroken in real life, I fall deeply and inconsolably in love with fictional characters and/or celebrities who are too old for me. That summer, it was Jack and Finn Harries, Dan Howell, and any other British 20-year-old who made funny sketches and made me feel like I was loved, even though they were thousands of miles away, several years older, and had no idea who I was. It was during this summer that I discovered a channel featuring two much older men named Hank Green and John Green (yes relation, they’re brothers). Their videos were all at least somewhat informational, whether they be about politics, science, literature, or just about the personal lives of the men who made the videos. About five videos in, I realized that John Green of the vlogbrothers was John Green of TFiOS fame. I was elated! There were hundreds of videos on the channel going back to 2007. In between reading self-insert fanfic about the Harries twins, I would watch vlogbrothers videos, reminding myself to read John’s other books when I got the chance. When I returned to school, all the work that I’d done to become popular seemed to dissolve before my very eyes. Sophomore year was when we switched campuses, to the Upper School, and all the actual popular kids were going to parties with upperclassmen and trying alcohol and getting into real relationships. I was stuck in the past, pining over boys who only hung out with me so I would help them write their essays and obsessing over Tumblr and YouTube. I was also experiencing turbulence in my personal life unlike any I’d ever had before. It’s so clear to me now that I was afraid of the social rejection and emotional darkness in the real world, so I holed myself up online, laughing while handsome young Brits wore wigs on camera and rewatching John Green speed-talk his way through a fake television show he titled “Hitler and Sex.” In the midst of this Internet-ing, I read that other John Green book my old friend had mentioned, even though she’d already begun the slow and painful process of outgrowing me (the death knell of our friendship was when she told me about having sex with her boyfriend in her car and my response was some combination of a prudish, judgmental face and an exclamation of “Ew!”). Looking for Alaska leveled me just as profoundly as TFiOS had, and with no social life to worry about, I was hungry for more. I read the other books that John Green had talked about on his channel–Fahrenheit 451 and The Great Gatsby, plus other works that his recommendations had led me to, like Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, The Taming of the Shrew, and one of my all-time favorites to this day, Slaughterhouse Five by Kurt Vonnegut. I was reading a book almost every week, downloading them to my iPad and going back to my old habits, reading by dim light long after I should have already gone to sleep. My schoolwork wasn’t where it needed to be, but I was thriving. Awakened, even. Though my junior year marked another ascent into minor popularity, I crash-landed my senior year, coming off a painful rejection from a summer romance and a position in student government that should have won me acceptance but largely isolated me from everyone but my fellow council mates and steady friends. College applications were stressing me out, I felt alienated from even my immediate circle, and I was worried about my social future. Though I was accepted to the only two universities I applied to, I felt inert and emotionally itchy. I descended back into what I knew best: books. I read more Vonnegut, bizarre stories by delightful authors like Graeme Cameron and Douglas Coupland, and of course, my current #1 all-time, The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Díaz. After my brain literally exploded from reading Oscar Wao in all its sprawling, multilingual, multigenerational, magical realistic/science fictional glory, I devoured Díaz’s two books of short stories, Drown and This Is How You Lose Her. I vividly remember those days in the spring of 2015, using my seemingly endless multitude of free periods to sit in the sweaty, iron-hot bleachers, nose burrowed in a book, ignoring the festivities of senior year around me. I was happier alone, laughing at Kurt’s crude drawings and Díaz’s matter-of-factness about love and sex, experiences I’d still yet to have at 17. I graduated, and I went to USC, where within a month of starting school I met Junot Díaz and got him to sign my copy of Oscar Wao. I dealt with the Usual College Stuff, like homesickness (from half an hour away…I’m weak) and social anxiety and academic adjustments and figuring out what the hell it actually means to major in popular music. I stopped judging people for drinking alcohol and having sex, I stopped being afraid of parties (though I’m still terrified of boys…and rightly so), I stopped being disappointed in my real life because it doesn’t follow a neat narrative (or at least I do it less now). However, I never stopped reading, and I never stopped watching vlogbrothers videos. I am a faithful nerdfighter, because that online community and John’s books have seen me through some dark times. Somewhere in the last five years, I read An Abundance of Katherines (not my favorite), Paper Towns (used to be my favorite but TFiOS ranks supreme at the moment), and Will Grayson Will Grayson (absolutely ACES but technically cowritten with David Levithan so to me it is in a separate category). I’ve watched thousands of videos from vlogbrothers and Crash Course. I went to Vidcon in 2014 and met John in person for about five seconds, handing him my business card and a #JustinCarrWantsWorldPeace luggage tag before he was escorted to his next event by security. My love of language has blossomed into three young adult manuscripts, two feature films, a handful of short films, and hundreds of poems, songs, and essays. Though my inner and outer lives have changed substantially since I first wept onto the pages of TFiOS, I’m still anxious, and often. I’m still terrified of romantic rejection and I still put myself out there frequently and embarrassingly. I’m still a bookworm and I’m still a writer and I’m still a nerdfighter. And I think I always will be. John Green and his books have a special place in my heart. So when he announced that his first new book in almost six years is coming out this fall, I was overcome with emotion. Turtles All The Way Down isn’t just a book. It’s a historical artifact from the future, a piece of my past hurtling towards me from the opposite direction. When I think of John Green’s work, I think of my cringey adolescence, my weirdly small glasses and then my weirdly big glasses, my difficulty with my weight and my stunted social development. I think of the hours I spent reblogging fan art and GIF sets of real people that I’d mythologized into characters by watching their YouTube videos for so long. I think of my transition from Cute Little Girl to Awkward Bookish Teen to Real Human Woman. I was 14 when I read my first John Green book. I will be 20 when I read Turtles All The Way Down. The chasm between who I was and who I will be then is huge. Un-crossable by anyone but me. Right now, we’re a little less than four months out from the release of Turtles All The Way Down. Not much is known about the book, and I’d like to keep it that way. I’m feeling those tingly “no spoilers!” feelings I felt when I was in high school and enamored with the purity of an untouched literary experience. But as much as this book’s impending release is inspiring a unique kind of nostalgia in me, it’s also reminding me that I cannot go back. I cannot return to the innocent girl of 14 I was when I first heard John Green’s name, and I can’t get back the years I spent/lost/lived in between then and now. I can only move forward. I can only grow up. This book, in all likelihood, will not live up to my expectations. It will not change my life. It can’t, because though it will be my first time reading this particular book, it won’t be my first time becoming infatuated with literature. I’ve done that already. I may love this book, but there is a difference between falling in love with someone new and falling in love for the very first time. Before I met books with sweaty palms, dress askew, tongue heavy in my mouth. So…come here often? Now, each story is met with a knowing smile, legs crossed at the ankles like they’re supposed to be, no lipstick on the wine glass. Your place or mine? Before this book comes out, and I form any opinions about the content or the style, I would like to extend a heartfelt thank you to John Green. If not for his careful handiwork, if not for the immense trust that he puts in his young readers, if not for his heart-wrenching stories, I might never have been drawn to great books the way I am now. Thank you for caring. Thank you for writing even when your illness handcuffed you, tried to make you stop. Thank you for making videos about hard topics and silly ones. I may grow up, but I will never outgrow you and your words, John. Keep publishing books, and I’ll keep reading them, no matter how old we both get.

via @withfeelingoncemore

[twobrokegirlswithbooks]

50 BOOKISH QUESTIONS TAG

Thanks for tagging us, @kafkalit!

1. What is your favorite book and/or book series of all time? Nerdy Panda: I always say The Catcher in the Rye miss kitty: I love anything by Patricia Briggs

2. What is the longest book you have ever read? How many pages? Nerdy Panda: Les Misérables with the grand total of 1,463 pages miss kitty: Definitely A Storm of Swords by George R.R. Martin 1138 pg

3. What is the oldest book you have ever read? (Based on its written date) Nerdy Panda: Pride and Prejudice (published in 1813) miss kitty: Maybe Black Beauty

4. What is a book series that everyone else loves but you do not? Nerdy Panda: Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children (I didn't even finish the first book) miss kitty: Most young adult. I try to stay away from them since they tend to more expensive except for a few.

5. What book or book series would you like to see turned into a film/ TV series? Nerdy Panda: I'm waiting for The Lunar Chronicles to be adapted somehow miss kitty: Harry Potter the TV show made by a true fan. all animated kinda like game of thrones but again animated

6. What is your favorite stand-alone book? Nerdy Panda: Never Never (a Peter Pan retelling about Captain Hook) miss kitty: Anything by John Green

7. What is a book that you feel glad for not reading? Nerdy Panda: no clue miss kitty: 50 shades. I can find that stuff for free and better written to boot.

9. What is a book you have read that is set in your country of birth? Nerdy Panda: The Infernal Devices miss kitty: Lots lol (born in America)

8. What is a book that you feel guilty for not reading? Nerdy Panda: I don't really feel guilty about not reading a certain book miss kitty: Pride and Prejudice

10. What is a book that you own more than one copy of? Nerdy Panda: I own multiple copies of books but the book I have the most copies of is The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe miss kitty: Got rid of my extra copies and I’m not counting mom’s copies

11. What horror book made you really scared? Nerdy Panda: Horror isn't my thing miss kitty: I don't read horror

12. What book do you passionately hate? Nerdy Panda: Say What You Will miss kitty:  When Zachary Beaver Came to Town. I loathe that book.

13. What is the biggest book series you have read? How many books are in it? Nerdy Panda: Chronicles of Narnia (7 books) miss kitty: The cynsters. I dont know she keeps writing more. Plus the other series by Stephanie Laurens all connects and is one big world. But last I checked there was 39.

14. What book gives you happy memories? Nerdy Panda: The Mouse and the Motorcycle. My happy memory of that is always checking it out from the school library when our class went in elementary school. miss kitty: This Disney short story book. Mom used to read it to me every night before bed.

15. What book made you cry? Nerdy Panda: So many books made me cry. I cried for about five minutes while reading Cress and The Raven King miss kitty: The Fault in Our Stars

16. What book made you laugh? Nerdy Panda: Me and Earl and the Dying Girl miss kitty: Nerd Gone Wild by Vicky Louis Thompson

17. What is your favourite book that contains an LGBTQ+ character? Nerdy Panda: Carry On miss kitty: In the Mercy Thompson series there's an adorble gay couple. One iss a werewolf cowboy, the other a divorce attorney

18. Have you read a book with a male protagonist? What is it? Nerdy Panda: A lot miss kitty: A lot of romances switch point of views

19. Have you read a book set on another planet? What is it? Nerdy Panda: I read a couple of pages of The Martian (set on Mars) miss kitty: Zodiac by romina Russell. Planets are named after the different signs (thanks for the bday gift nerdy panda)

20. Have you ever been glad to not finish a series? Which? Nerdy Panda: I don't know about finishing, but I haven't picked up the fourth book in the Dorothy Must Die series. I'm gonna pretend everything gets wrapped up in the third book miss kitty: Hmmm nope can't think of one.

21. Have you ever read a book series because you were pressured? Nerdy Panda: Yes. Everyone keeps on talking about how great (insert hyped-up book) is. Sometimes I like it, other times I don't get it. miss kitty: No

22. What famous author have you not read any books by? Nerdy Panda: Sarah J. Maas, Emily Bronte miss kitty: Charles Dickens even thou i hav a copy of his complte works

23. Who is your favorite author of all time? Nerdy Panda: John Green miss kitty: Patricia Briggs

24. How many bookshelves do you own? Nerdy Panda: Four. One is dedicated to holding my books.  miss kitty: I have 3 over spilling ones mom has one. I need more.

25. How many books do you own? Nerdy Panda: 266 miss kitty: Over 300 i just found 2 more boxes of books i need to go thugh

26. What is your favorite non-fiction book? Nerdy Panda: The Diary of a Young Girl miss kitty: Braiding Sweetgrass

27. What is your favorite children’s/middle-grade book? Nerdy Panda: The Mouse and the Motorcycle miss kitty: Where the Sidewalk Ends

28. What is your next book on your TBR? Nerdy Panda: After the book I'm currently reading, I'm picking up We'll Always Have Summer miss kitty: No idea. whatever I'm in the mood for

29. What book are you currently reading? Nerdy Panda: It's Not Summer Without You miss kitty: Braiding Sweetgrass and A Bite to Remember

30. What book are you planning on buying next? Nerdy Panda: Hmm, who knows? miss kitty: What ever catchs my eye

31. What was the cheapest book you bought? Nerdy Panda: I got a copy of Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them for about 50 cents miss kitty: I got a big box of books for 2$

32. What was the most expensive book you bought? Nerdy Panda: The Infernal Devices box set was around $38. For an individual book, Heartless was around 27 dollars. miss kitty: Not including text books Braiding Sweetgrass

33. What is a book you read after seeing the movie/ TV series? Nerdy Panda: Marley and Me miss kitty: Harry Potter. I was stubborn as a child. I refused to read it because it was popular then my parents bought the movie.

34. What is the newest book you have bought? Nerdy Panda: Always and Forever, Lara Jean miss kitty: I got 5 new books on my vacation

35. What three books are you most looking forward to reading this year? Nerdy Panda: Wonder, The Silver Linings Playbook, Emma miss kitty: my new books

36. What is a book you love that has a terrible trope? (Love triangle, etc) Nerdy Panda: Les Misérables has a love triangle but I like the trope in the book because it works miss kitty: no clue

37. Have you read a book in a different language? What was it? Nerdy Panda: No miss kitty: I wish

38. What is a book you’ve read that is set in a time period before you were born? Nerdy Panda: The Perks of Being a Wallflower takes place in the 90s miss kitty: Lol most of my books are in a different time periods. I like my historical romances

39. What book offended you? Nerdy Panda: No books have offended me... yet miss kitty: 50 shades of grey. The DUFF she was neither ugly or fat!

40. What is the weirdest book you have read? Nerdy Panda: Perfume: The Story of a Murderer was pretty weird miss kitty: Alice in Wonderland

41. What is your favorite duology? Nerdy Panda: Maus miss kitty: Don't have one

42. What is your favorite trilogy? Nerdy Panda: To All the Boys I've Loved Before miss kitty: Hunger Games is the only one i can think of lol

43. What book did you buy because of its cover? Nerdy Panda: A Little in Love. The cover reminded me of Les Misérables and then I realized it's a retelling set in one of the character's point of view miss kitty: Too many lol

44. What is a book that you love, but has a terrible cover? Nerdy Panda: Books I love tend to have nice covers miss kitty: Umm cant think of any

45. Do you own a poetry anthology? What is your favorite poem from it? Nerdy Panda: Milk and Honey. It's hard to choose a favorite miss kitty: Yes i love We wear the Mask

46. Do you own any coloring books based off other books? Nerdy Panda: Alice in Wonderland miss kitty: I used to hav the harry potter one

47. Do you own any historical fiction? Nerdy Panda: Yes miss kitty: Yup and if historical romance counts a lot of it

48. What book made you angry? Nerdy Panda: Clockwork Prince because the line 'his blue eyes' kept coming up every other line and I just got annoyed. miss kitty: When Zachary Beaver Came to town

49. What book has inspired you? Nerdy Panda: Fangirl inspires me to write more miss kitty: Braiding Sweetgrass

50. What book got you into reading? Nerdy Panda: I think it would be The Mouse and the Motorcycle miss kitty: No clue

Tagging: @contentreading, @gracebook-page, @princessofbookaholics, @myliteraryromance, @the-girl-who-lived-to-read, @jasminereadsbooks