#the pasta ends up being pretty decent lol

[soupmanspeaks]

Guys please you gotta understand.....Henry teaching Michael how to cook pasta in the late hours of Fredbears because he had an argument with William, and then like decades later Freddy in the pizzaplex wanting to make something for gregory that isn't just pizza and he's recalling a memory from who even knows where of a boy and an orange haired man in a similar enough kitchen to the Pizzaplex and then like even though he's a robot he has a sense of comfort in that memory and Henry's spirit is nearby and he's just got this expression of pride on his ghostly face guys.....

[ozimagines]

SFW Alphabet with Miguel Alvarez…

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

If Chico is a German Shepard, then Miguel is a fucking Husky. He’ll be all over you. Not just physically. Like he’d get a bad feeling if you walked through the door and you had a bad day. His love language is acts of service. He’ll get you your favorite things or clean something you wanted cleaned. He’ll do it wordlessly too. He doesn’t need the credit if you’re happy.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

He’s not used to friends, honestly. Everyone in his life who was his friend turned out to only want something from him. So he’s cautious. But you’re kind to him without expecting anything in return. That’s what makes him like you. When you don’t want something from him after. He’s not used to friends, but he’ll give it a try.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Loves to cuddle, but his body is so damn angular. I think his body is a little hard to be giving good cuddles, but like I said, man’s a husky. He’s got love in his heart he just can’t help but share with you. He’ll even start to cuddle like a husky, walking up to you, sitting down next to you, then rolling into you. He’ll even fall asleep there sometimes. (Can sleep when he knows he’s he’s safe.)

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

I think Miguel would surprise people at how domestic he can be. Like he likes his space clean and does what he needs to keep it that way. He also doesn’t mind cooking as long as it’s simple. Doesn’t want to spend hours in the kitchen or anything but a decent rice or pasta dish? You got it.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

“I’m sorry. I’m just so sorry. I… need a little space right now. Just some time to get my head in order. I don’t think I can have you with me when I do that though. It’s not you, I’m just a little fucked up right now.”☹️

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Season one him wouldn’t give a shit but every season after that this boy just wants to lie down lol. He needs someone who’s always there for him. He’d love a committed relationship where he can feel some sense of normalcy or even just affection. Support. You’ll have to be there for him but if you are, you’ll have his heart forever.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

He’s capable of being gentle. Like when he holds Julie. Gentle touches only for animals. Think he would get a dog or cat on the outside. Just a fluffy animal who’s loyal and will hug him. Long way of saying, yes he can be physically gentle. Emotionally gentle might take him some time, he’s a little blunt. 😂

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Loves hugs. Needs them. He’s so touch starved from Oz; no one held him or touched him reassuringly in years. Even before Oz those touches were sparse. If you’re willing to give those touches often, he’ll taken them all. Every single one. Sometimes just needs a hug to get through the day, and you’re more than willing to be there for him most times.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

Comes out a little faster than you’d want. He acts on his emotions pretty quickly so as soon as he knows he loves you, saying it just felt like the most natural thing. He’ll apologize for it being so fast and kick himself for a few days, but you’re glad he can tell you how he feels, even if he’s not sure he wants to say it just yet.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

He’s not above getting jealous. He’ll start self isolating or being a little short with you in conversation. I give it a day or two before it becomes too much and he opens up to you about how he’s been feeling. He remembers his coping skills from therapy, he just needs a little while before he uses them.

“Just makes me crazy, y’know? You and him/her.”

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Gives sweet, gentle kisses. Just pecks at first, but then they’re prolonged. Just hangs there for a second, and smells your perfume /cologne or even just straight you. Doesn’t move around a lot when he kisses. You joke it’s like kissing me a statue sometimes… but what a sexy statue at that, hmm?

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

Man he didn’t care about kids his whole life until he lost his son. Like, he wasn’t mean or anything, but kids just never interested him. Now? He loves them. Sees the future in them. A better future. Whenever kids come up to him, they just feel safe. They like him without him doing anything. He talks to them, hears them when they talk. All he wants is for one day his child (bio or adopted) to walk up to him and just say they love him, and give him a hug. The hug he never got to give his son.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Early riser. He’ll get up, work out for a bit, shower and get breakfast. He prefer savory breakfasts. Eggs and bacon and such. (Actually very much likes Congee for breakfast. Tried it once and got hooked.) He listens to a podcast with breakfast. Probably about theatre, I think he really enjoyed Susanne’s class. He’ll get to his job, gently kiss you and tell you he loves you before he leaves. He goes, closes the door, and you wait by it for him to open it a second later for another deeper kiss.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Gets home from work exhausted. Asks you about your day and talks to you for a bit before grabbing a beer and watching the fights on tv. He’ll help you with dinner; he’s competent in the kitchen, but will make it messy just to be more romantic. You’ll eat together, still talking about your day, Miguel trying to make you laugh the whole time. Alvarez doesn’t have a sweet tooth, but he’ll indulge in dessert every once in a while. Prefers fruity desserts to chocolate or vanilla. Sometimes you make strawberry shortcake which is his FAVORITE. He’ll turn on some music while doing the dishes, and you dance in the kitchen together. You get ready for bed separately until you get into bed together. You’ll kiss, probably more, and then you’ll fall asleep against each other, Miguel always falling asleep after you.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

A little guarded at first, but once he trusts you, he trusts you. You’ll find out things about him as the situation warrants it. Like he won’t just sit you down and rattle off things a bit himself. If you ask, he’ll answer. If it comes up, he’ll mention it. Besides that you just have to think of all the things you want to know about him and ask away.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

When he’s on his meds he’s much better. That said, off his meds, WOOF. I’d consider him the most patient of the Latinos. The way he had a level head during Chico’s tirade with the biker. He didn’t want to rush to war. That said… anyone remember Jorge??

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

Will take it upon himself to know everything about you. Just helps him love you more if he knows what you need. Will remember anniversaries and birthdays and things like that. Will remember to do chores around the house to help out. Will remember how you like your food. He puts in the effort to know you.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

It was a simple moment. You in the kitchen with his mom. You and his mom are cooking together, her teaching you all the recipes Miguel loves. He comes into the room, bit you notice something on his arm. It’s several wasp stings. He was trying to remove a nest outside so you would t get hurt, but Miguel is mildly allergic and was having a reaction. You and his mom start talking about how he has to be a little more careful and take care of himself and what will you do without him. You insist you take him to the hospital, and the whole way you berate him on how he could be so silly. It makes him smile how much you and his mom care for him. 🥰

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Huskies can be protective too. Will immediately identify the threat and put his body between you and it. Doesn’t matter if it’s a weird guy on the street, a bus, or a wolf. Whatever it is, he’s absorbing the blow before it can get to you. ❤️

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

Yeah, he’s putting in the e effort. Miguel is the poster child for “if he wanted to, he would”. Flowers and suits and dresses and jewelry and wine. He’ll make a night special. That said, he could make a icing special with just McDonalds if he wanted.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

Bites his nails. He’s an anxious guy and whenever he’s going through something, his nails looks like they were chewed at by wild dogs. He also stubs his toe on the coffee table or bedpost almost every day. Not a bad habit except he gets really angry and hits both afterwards lol.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

I wouldn’t say he’s concerned with his looks as much as they just come naturally to him. He likes looking handsome, it’s just not his top concern at the moment. Except he loves his tan suit. The one he wore to his parole hearing. Thinks he looks great in it.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Ha! Puppy dog man just wants love. He just wants someone to care whether he lives or dies. When you do, he’s inseparable from you. You ground him when he’s feeling loco.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

Insists on date night once a week where you both dress up, go to somewhere nice (or nicer than usual) and spoils you for a night. Makes him happy to be a good boyfriend after so many years of being a crappy one. He’s got energy and affection now he’s dying to share so one night a week, no matter what’s going on, you spend some time together doing something special.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

When people pronounce words slightly wrong it grates on his ears. Libary instead of library. Supposably instead of supposedly. Could care less instead of couldn’t care less. Things like that. He’s no grammar Nazi but he learned two languages, the least some people could do is learn one😂

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

Doesn’t sleep very well. Insomniac (preach, brother). Sleeps mostly during the day to stave off nightmares and paranoia. That said, when he’s with someone he trusts, he can fall asleep on them. Like a canary in the mines he knows they’d let him know if danger was around. With you, he falls asleep on you 24/7.

[surveysand]

forty-two.

What do you do with your plastic grocery bags after you unload your things? save them and use them for trash bags in my small garbage cans.

Are you afraid of being electrocuted? not necessarily, i think it's pretty unlikely to happen.

Have you ever slept in a water bed? no.

What do you think about Britney Spears comeback? i love britney, i hope she's doing well. she's been through such tumultuous times and i really do wish the best for her.

Ever bite your tongue twice in a row while eating something? yes, lol.

Do you cook your own meals or do your parents? myself, considering i live alone.

Did you sleep in or wake up early today? slept in.

How do you feel about having sex during your menstrual period? i don't just because i cramp badly and can't move too well, but i support those who do, lol.

How do you feel about anal sex? i've never done it and don't think i ever will.

Does your ex have a job? i think so? i'm honestly not really sure.

Have you ever slept in a car? yes.

Do you think the drinking age should be lowered to 18? i don't know.

What was the last term of endearment you used (babe, hun, dear, etc)? babe.

What were you doing the last time you were in the bathroom? showering.

Without naming any names, say something to somebody. i wish you listened more.

How often do you use Flickr? never.

Have you ever peed while on the phone? yes.

Have you ever been on a blind date? no.

Do you have a crush on the last person you texted? no.

Have you ever got into an argument with the last person you kissed? yes.

Has anyone made you cry in the last 3 days? no.

Have you ever liked somebody who was nice to you, but horrible to everyone else? no.

Share 3 nice memories you have of the person you fell hardest for. 1. our first time meeting in person. i really fell for him so, so hard.

2. the time he went on a family vacation with me.

3. after something really traumatic happened to me, the way he comforted me was unlike anything else. i will never forget what he did for me.

What did you do yesterday? slept, applied to jobs/followed up on previous applications, took my dog on a walk, and that's about it, lol.

Choose 5 friends, and briefly describe their relationship status. friend one: engaged, friend two: single, friend three: has a partner, friend four: single, and friend five: single.

Have you ever made any of your friends cry? not out of sadness.

Does anyone disgust you? yes.

Is there anything about your life at the moment that you’d like to change? i wish i had a job.

Do you regret anything you’ve done in the last 7 days? yes.

Do you keep a diary? And if you do, has anyone ever read it? no.

What would you do about someone who was sending you mixed messages? i would ask them to be clear with what they wanted and, if they still sent mixed messages, i would end it. i don't do that garbage.

What are the 3 unhealthiest things you’ve eaten most recently? onion rings, brownies, and pasta.

How’s your appetite atm? fine.

Is anything annoying you at the moment? yes, i've been having to transfer my utilities to my new address because i move to a new apartment in a week and it has been so much more difficult than it needs to be.

Out of all the conversations you’ve had recently, which one has made you smile or laugh the most? one that i had with my partner talking about my dog and how much he makes us laugh.

Describe the last situation in which you found yourself feeling awkward. when i was last on the phone with a potential job opportunity.

What makes someone a good friend? someone who understands that we all have our own lives and that, as long as we can pick up where we left off when we see/speak to each other again, the love is still there. someone who isn't afraid to tell it like it is and knows they can confide anything in me and vice-versa.

Do you look decent in your most recent photograph? no.

When was the last time you wanted to laugh, but felt like you couldn’t? a few days ago.

If they decided to stop making chocolate tomorrow, would you care? i'd be fine. i prefer vanilla, anyway.

What’s your relationship with the last person who put their arms around you? my partner.

What were you doing at 4 o'clock this afternoon? making a late lunch, doing surveys, and watching "impractical jokers".

What will you be doing in 30 mins? probably taking a nap.

Was today better than yesterday? a little bit. yesterday was incredibly mundane.

Will tomorrow be better than today? i hope.

[gukyi]

if i told you | jjk

summary: in order to pay for university, jeon jungkook decides to market his most valuable asset to the wealthy socialites of campus: himself. donning a suit and tie, tousled hair, and glasses (to look smarter), he becomes every rich daughter’s dream: the perfect boyfriend to bring to balls, dinners, and business gatherings. all while you watch from the sidelines, only able to dream of having that much money to buy yourself what you really want: him.

{friends to lovers!au, college!au}

pairing: jeon jungkook x female reader genre: fluff, comedy, angst, we’ve got it all folks word count: 22k warnings: slightly underage alcohol consumption, mention of words that could be spoken on an crime documentary series but nothing graphic, ravioli-stealing, idiots to lovers, as per usual a/n: finally! here is the long awaited jungkook fic that i have literally been slaving over since the beginning of january. was this fic supposed to be 10k? yes. did i somehow end up writing 22k anyway? of course! in any case, please enjoy my absolute baby who i love and cherish!

check out the post-script drabble here!

Jeon Jungkook loses his job at the university call center on the seventeenth day of the fall semester of his sophomore year. 

You know this because on the seventeenth day of the fall semester of your sophomore year, he comes banging on the door of your apartment shared with three other girls at 2:07PM, seven minutes after he normally starts his job at the university call center. 

He’s lucky that you’re the only one who doesn’t have class in the 2PM hour. 

“Y/N!” He shouts through the thin wooden door, his voice probably echoing down the thin hallway of your apartment complex. 

You open it before the second knock—you only rush to the door to get him to shut the fuck up, and not because you’re excited to see him, you swear—to see him standing on the other side, XXL university hoodie draped over his figure, down to his mid-thigh, baggy hood pulled over his head like a sad college-aged Star Wars character. He looks exactly like a jaded sophomore year college student would. He is beautiful. 

“Aren’t you supposed to be at the call center right now?” You ask in lieu of a normal “hello” or even a “what the fuck are you doing here, it’s 2PM”. Jungkook does not wait for you to invite him inside your apartment, immediately kicks off his shoes by the entrance and tugs on your apartment slippers that are a size-and-a-half too small for his feet, and marches over to your shared fridge to fish through the tupperware containers with your name written on Post-it notes for a mid-afternoon snack. 

Jungkook waits until he’s got an entire piece of frozen supersized ravioli shoved into his mouth before he responds. “I was fired,” he says over a mouthful of pasta and cheese.

“What?” You ask, eyes widening as Jungkook shuffles through your kitchen drawers for a fork, which means that the first piece of ravioli that he ate he did so with his bare ass hands. Like a heathen. Like a ravioli-craving twenty-year-old heathen. 

“I was fired,” Jungkook repeats. He stares at the microwave resting on your kitchen counter for a good ten seconds before he continues to eat the cold, unheated pasta. Every time he’s in your apartment (which is frequently), he tells you how it’s a fire, water, and explosive hazard to have your microwave on the counter like that. As if there is any other place in your apartment for it to go. Maybe out on the tiny balcony you have that overlooks the busiest street on campus. 

“Care to offer an explanation as to why?” You ask, coming up next to him. Jungkook is nearly finished with your tupperware of ravioli, and normally you’d shout at him for it, but seeing as he was just fired from his only source of income as a money-starved college student, you’ll cut him some slack. Just a little. 

“You remember that old, angry alumnus that told me that asking for donations in order to benefit low-income-slash-first generation students was selfish and rude of me, and that I wouldn’t be in college if it weren’t for what his generation accomplished?” Jungkook asks. 

You remember that vividly. Jungkook spent an approximate two hours and thirty-seven minutes on FaceTime with you ranting about this one “old man bitch” who he had to speak to during his day at work, all while you did your economics problem set to the sweet, mellifluous sound of Jungkook’s shrill shrieks. 

“The one you lost your temper at and shouted at for being ungrateful and elitist?” You ask pointedly. You have a feeling you already know where this conversation is going. 

“Yeah,” Jungkook says with a roll of his eyes. He finishes the ravioli (goddamnit, now you’re going to have to find something else to eat for dinner at 11PM tonight) and turns around to place it in the sink. For once, it is not piled high with dishes from up to a week ago, so Jungkook even squirts a bit of Dawn onto a sponge and washes the plastic container for you. “Well, as it turns out, telling an old racist elitist that he’s old, racist, and elitist does not go down well with my boss.”

“Why does that not surprise me,” you muse. Jungkook sighs, walking over to where you’re taking it easy on the couch. “Oh no,” you say, eyes widening as he grins, plotting something. “Do not, Jungkook. Jungkook, do not!”

He jumps, catapulting himself onto the couch and landing on top of you with a thud. You let out a groan as the weight of his body hits you, foreheads nearly knocking into each other. Jungkook is a good foot-and-a-half too long for this dinky leather couch that’s always sort of smelled, feet and ankles hanging off the opposing arm rest just so he can nuzzle his face into the crook of your shoulder like he always does. You hate when he does this. Hate when he jumps onto the couch while you’re casually reclining just so he can collapse on top of you. Hate the feeling of his body resting against yours, soft breathes against the skin of your neck. Hate how it always makes you want more, how it will never be enough. 

“Have you been working out?” You mumble against the fabric of his t-shirt. “You’re more muscle-y than usual.”

“I added weights to my routine,” Jungkook tells you mindlessly. If your roommates walked into your apartment right now and saw the both of you on the couch, you’d never hear the end of it. “Taehyung said it would make me more swole.”

“As if you need to be any more buff,” you say with a roll of your eyes. Jungkook’s the most athletic person you’ve ever met in your entire life. He could probably pick up your dinky couch with you sitting on it without batting an eyelash. Even Superman would tremble at the sight of him. “You’re perfect the way you are.”

“Thanks, Y/N,” Jungkook mutters into your skin. “God, what the fuck am I gonna do now? I need money to pay for everything in my life and my one source of income is now totally invalid because an old guy got what he deserved.”

“Are there any work-study positions still available?” You ask, hand reaching up to stroke at his hair, smoothing it down. Jungkook’s preferred cuddling position is big spoon, but he still demands that he be coddled as though he were the little spoon. 

“No,” Jungkook says with a huff, “they’ve all been snagged by try-hard freshmen who need money like me.”

“I distinctly recall you being a try-hard freshman who also needed money,” you tell him. “That’s why you applied to work at the call center, isn’t it?”

Jungkook sits up, the weight of his figure crushing your legs as he rests on top of them. If you stayed like this forever, you’d probably lose feeling in your lower body, but you’d also get to stay with Jungkook forever, which is a trade-off you would genuinely consider. “Yeah, but the call center hires everybody. You just need to be like… decent at communication. And I’m pretty decent at communication.”

“You never text me back,” you tell him pointedly. 

“That’s because I prefer showing up unannounced at your apartment or other places you frequent,” Jungkook reminds you excitedly. He’ll never let you forget about the time you were wrapping up a small seminar with your history professor and Jungkook burst through the doors with a whole thing of carrots and hummus because you had texted him that you were hungry. You could not look your history professor in the eye for the rest of the semester. “I’d say that’s pretty decent communication.”

“Well, you’re going to have to figure out another way to market your decent communication skills to get another job,” you tell him. “Have you considered the boba place on Oak? You could get me employee discounts.”

Jungkook leans over just to pinch at your cheek, fingers gripping onto your face and pulling like a grandmother. “You just want me for my money.”

“You’re my best friend, Jeon Jungkook,” you tell him. “Of course I do.”

This is what Jeon Jungkook’s obligatory university Facebook group introduction post read:

Hi, I’m Jungkook and I’m thinking of majoring in visual studies or computer science (really different lol I know)! I played soccer in high school but don’t think I’ll be continuing in college because I was pretty bad at it. I’m looking for a roommate and I’d really like to live in New East House, but anything works for me as long as it has a bed. Hit me up if you think we’d made a good match, but I like talking with everyone lol. 

I’m really into music and can play the guitar, drums, and piano. I like listening to all types of music (yes, even country which slaps kinda hard sometimes) but my favorites are The 1975, Frank Ocean, Troye Sivan, and Khalid. Will bop to Justin Bieber on occasion as well. 

I play Ultimate and am really interested in joining the club team here so hit me up and we can practice sometime because my skills are a little rusty. I also do a little skateboarding but I am definitely not a skater. 

Hit me up if you think we can be friends lol I’m excited to meet you all!

It was accompanied by several pictures, a couple of which are selfies at that anime girl angle, one of him with his friends at prom all doing that Frat Boy pose, and a couple of him with his family. To an outsider doing a very quick glance, it pretty much reads the same as a rather extensive dating profile. 

The truth of it all is, as you were scrolling through the hundreds of obligatory university Facebook group introduction posts in search of a freshman year roommate, you stumbled upon Jungkook’s intro post and you thought this: No. Way.

The moment you laid eyes on his first above-the-head angle selfie, you knew that it would be unlikely that you and Jeon Jungkook’s paths would ever cross. He played guitar and did Ultimate Frisbee, and you wanted to audition for your university’s symphony orchestra. He was beautiful but in that sort of college frat boy who can crush you at beer pong kind of way. Craziest of all, he was a computer science major, and you were walking in as an undecided humanities concentration. 

Impossible. There was no way the two of you would ever meet, and you accepted that right off that bat. At a school your size, you would go through these four years not knowing a majority of your class. Jeon Jungkook was just one of the casualties. 

On the very first day of orientation, Jeon Jungkook comes up to you on the sidewalk, wearing a white t-shirt, a backwards baseball cap, and shorts, and asks you if you’re here for orientation as well? He’s lost. 

Jeon Jungkook is the type of guy you imagine getting eaten up by any girl who meets him almost immediately. He’s charming and endearing the same way a baby deer is, but has no problem wearing clothes that remind you of how fit he is. He is, for lack of a better term, extremely good looking. 

“Yeah,” you had said on the sidewalk, squinting to look up at him since the sun was in your eyes. “I’m heading to the auditorium right now. Wanna walk with me?”

“Okay, sure,” Jungkook had replied, smiling with all of his teeth. Even in the sweaty summer heat, he looked even nicer in person. “Thanks, by the way. I’m Jungkook. What’s your name?”

You knew that already. How could you have forgotten? 

You had grinned up at him. The universe has always worked in mysterious ways. “I’m Y/N. Nice to meet you.”

When Jungkook doesn’t know what to do, he stress eats. Most often, you are the single witness to this action, which has literally no effect on his body mass whatsoever since he immediately burns off every calorie (and then some) at his next gym session. 

That is precisely why you are sitting in the second-best dining hall on campus eating a pretty measly salad and french fries, while Jungkook returns from the serve-yourself cafeteria with his sixth plate of food. Next to you is your mutual friend Chaewon, a filthy rich international student from Korea who is probably the nicest person you’ve ever met. 

“I think I’ve called every cafe, bubble tea shop, clothing store, and paid internship within a five-mile radius of this place and nothing,” Jungkook says with a sigh, keeping Chaewon updated with his job-search antics. It’s been several days since he was fired, and while being keenly cognizant of your bank account isn’t necessarily a bad thing, when it means that Jungkook refuses to leave campus because he is in hyper-saving mode, it sort of rustles your jimmies. 

“Have you tried babysitting?” Chaewon supplies helpfully. 

You laugh aloud at the mere thought of Jungkook stuck in some middle-aged parent’s house with their toddler for hours on a night where he could be living it up on campus. Jeon Jungkook? A babysitter?

“Wow, what the heck is wrong with me being a babysitter?” Jungkook questions, offended. 

“First of all, you don’t even let me beat you in Mario Kart on your Switch and I am your best friend. If you ended up gaming with a four-year-old boy, your over-competitiveness would take over you and you’d crush the poor kid and his spirit,” you remind him pointedly. Not to mention the fact that the man cannot cook to save his life, and you can’t even entrust him with microwave dinners because of his irrational fear of modern oven technology. 

Jungkook pouts. He knows you’re right. 

“It’s not like you were going to look into babysitting, anyway,” you say with a shove, nudging his shoulder with your own. 

Jungkook sighs, and despite all of the shit you give him on a daily basis (part of the responsibility of being his best friend), you do genuinely feel bad for him. Even if his job at the call center wasn’t the most intellectually stimulating nor morally rewarding, he didn’t absolutely hate it and he made a pretty decent earning off of it. He unzips his backpack and fumbles for his laptop, opening it up to reveal a Google Chrome window with approximately thirty-seven tabs open of places to work on and around campus. Meanwhile, Chaewon’s phone buzzes on the table, and she heaves out a great, exasperated exhale before picking up and immediately launching off into incredibly speedy Korean. 

“If only the bubble tea place was hiring,” you lament, kissing goodbye all of the free bubble tea you had been dreaming about if Jungkook got hired. 

“I’m glad I don’t work at the bubble tea place,” Jungkook tells you with his eyebrows raised, “otherwise I’d have to see you every day!” 

“You already see me every day!” You should back, but it’s not like Jungkook doesn’t know that already. He’s the one always barging into your apartment or sitting down next to you in the library when you’re trying to study. 

“But maybe you should try drinking less bubble tea, otherwise you’re gonna blow up like a tapioca pearl like that one girl from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory,” Jungkook warns, pinching your cheek as if to make your face round like a tapioca bubble. 

“I can think of nothing I’d want more than to be a tapioca pearl for the rest of my life,” you state simply. It would be much less stressful than to be a college student. 

“If you were a tapioca pearl, I’d eat you!” Jungkook says, and you, out of the security of both your head and your heart, choose not to think too much into it. 

As Jungkook teases you about your slight obsession with bubble tea, Chaewon finally puts the phone down after what very well was several minutes of angry Korean. She lets out this deep, long sigh, like all of the pent-up rage within her is exiting through her exhale. 

“You good, Chae?” You ask her, a little concerned. Even after knowing her since the beginning of your freshman year, you’ve never once seen her get mad, though she looks pretty close to it now. 

“Yeah,” she says, exasperated. “My mom is having this stupid company ball here and she really, really wants me to attend.” It is obvious that Chaewon does not, in fact, want to attend. You’ve seen Chaewon nearly every day for over a year, and you’ve never even seen her wear a pantsuit. You couldn’t imagine her joy at having to dress up in a ballgown. 

“But fancy free food,” you point out. Even if she does have to be trapped in a penthouse ballroom with her parents’ stuffy business friends, the catering company will probably be god-tier. 

Chaewon pretty much bangs her head on the dining hall table. 

“Wow, I didn’t know someone could hate catered food so much,” you say, a little alarmed. 

“It’s not that,” Chaewon says, rubbing her forehead. The pasta on the plate in front of her has remained untouched for nearly ten minutes now. You wonder if she’s even hungry anymore. “My mom wants me to bring a plus-one.”

Your eyes widen. An excuse to dress nice and eat good food? Hell yeah. 

“And it can’t be you, Y/N, it has to be a date,” Chaewon says. It’s pretty obvious she’s not interested in dating whatsoever, no matter the gender of the object of her affection. You pout. Damn. “My mom said, ‘he can be whoever you want!’ but that means that he has to be an attractive Korean guy who’s got a future job in finance.”

“I’ll go with you,” Jungkook says over a mouthful of broccoli. 

“You will?” Chaewon asks. Jungkook just single-handedly saved Chaewon from a night of unbearable business talk with a boy she doesn’t know and cannot relate to. 

You scoff. “You’re just a regular Korean dude, Jungkook,” you tell him. 

Jungkook pouts, bottom lip turned out. “You don’t think I’m attractive?”

You refuse to answer that question. You’re afraid of what you might say if you open your mouth. 

“Seriously, you’d do that for me?” Chaewon turns to Jungkook with platonic stars in her eyes. 

Jungkook shrugs. “Sure. I’ve got a suit. I’ll ask my friend Jimin for a crash course in finance before the thing. When is it?”

And just like that, you and Jungkook’s weekly Friday Mario Kart night gets a rain check. 

 Jeon Jungkook is the sole best decision of your life. 

And it’s funny and twisted and wonderful, because he is the one thing you had failed to account for in your life. He stands there on the sidewalk in the blazing sun, black baseball cap nestled safely onto his dark brown hair, and in the split second it takes for him to open his mouth and say hello, everything changes. 

But no longer is the image you conjure in your mind when you think of him a picture of him on that very first day of orientation, lost and excited all at once. It is of him barging into your apartment and eating all of your leftover ravioli. It’s him laying on your dinky couch like it belongs to him, surfing through all of the Netflix shows available and eventually just settling on old Gilmore Girls episodes like he always does. It’s him standing in your closet to judge your latest clothing purchases and take back any items that you’ve stolen from him over the years. 

It’s imagining him not as a guest but as a permanent fixture in your home, in the place that makes you feel safest. Because that’s who Jungkook is, now. He is that place. He stands in your apartment rattling off a list of why microwaves are a severely underestimated killer, and it takes every inch of your being not to ask him to stay. To spend night after night cuddling on the couch, or make a home-cooked meal together on a Sunday evening, or get lost underneath the sheets on your bed.

Jungkook stands in your apartment like he belongs there. And only in your wildest dreams could you ever imagine that coming true.

Such is the case of that Friday night, when he’s supposed to accompany Chaewon to her terrible, awful, brain-melting parents’ business gala. You haven’t seen him all day, too busy with your club meetings to make time for him after your classes are finished for the week. College is never-ending in that horrible, unstoppable way. 

It’s nearing two in the morning when you hear the knock on your door. Two of your roommates are at a rush event for their sorority, and the other sleeps through your smoke alarm on a regular basis, so you are tasked with the job of opening the door. 

On the other side is Jungkook, as he frequently is. 

Your heart practically freezes in place, like his eyes have shot right through it. Instead of his usual baggy outfit and a bucket hat, he’s standing outside of your apartment in a crisp navy suit (complete with a pocket square), rings lining his fingers and hair tousled in that effortlessly-styled kind of way. He looks like a goddamn celebrity, like a young, successful CEO. Like the love of your whole fucking life. 

Coughing to distract from the fact that you’re practically drooling, you say, “Wow, you clean up nicely.”

Jungkook looks down at himself, almost as if he had forgotten he’s wearing a full suit entirely. “The pocket square is Jimin’s,” he explains, “but yeah. I didn’t want to let Chaewon down by not dressing up to code.”

He’s got remnants of makeup left on his face, having faded and smudged throughout the night. There’s a bit of black underneath his eyes from the liner, a smoldering effect that makes the dark brown of his irises even deeper. “You look tired,” you comment. “Why are you here, why don’t you go home, Jungkook? Get some sleep.”

Jungkook shrugs, looking over your shoulder to see if his arrival has woken up any of your roommates. “Your place was closer,” he says like it’s nothing. 

Like it doesn’t make your breath catch in your throat, stop in its tracks. He spends an evening dressed up in a stuffy suit and tie surrounded by old businessmen and their preppy daughters with whom he has nothing in common, and when it’s nearly two in the morning and he can finally relax, he drives to your place instead of his own. Like it means nothing. As if it means anything at all. 

Jungkook runs a hand through his perfectly styled hair, and even knotted and messy it still looks flawless. “If I’m bothering you, just let me know. I know it’s late.”

It’s so hard to say no to him. 

“Just come inside already before you wake up the neighbors,” you tell him, sighing to pretend like it’s a minor inconvenience. And even running on barely any sleep with makeup smudged underneath his eyes, Jungkook grins as you let him inside your apartment, caving in, just like you always do. 

The first thing he does when he’s inside is take off his fancy loafers and peel off his suit jacket, resting it against the back of the couch. You fumble around in the kitchen for the kettle, instinctively starting to make two cups of tea. Routine. 

Looking up, you watch as Jungkook loosens his tie and takes it off, unbuttoning the first two buttons of his white dress shirt. By the counter, you turn your back to him so he doesn’t see you mentally combust. It’s impossible that he doesn’t already know what he does to you. 

The kettle finishes boiling the moment Jungkook settles onto your couch. He keeps the television off so he doesn’t wake your roommates, and scrolls on his phone with his knees tucked underneath his chin. Thirty seconds later, you’re joining him, handing him the cup of tea before sitting down next to him, severely underdressed in comparison. 

“Did you at least have fun tonight?” You ask. 

“The food totally slapped,” Jungkook tells you. “Chaewon’s parents really pulled out all the stops.”

“So I’ve heard,” you muse. 

“We spent most of the time lounging by the catering table and distracting each other by making up stories about all of the rich people there.” Jungkook laughs. 

“Please tell me you didn’t embarrass yourself, though,” you say. Perhaps Jungkook could withstand a few blows to his ego, but Chaewon’s future pretty much depends on her impressing her parents and their comrades. 

“No!” Jungkook tells you defensively. “Jimin told me everything I needed to know, but all of Chaewon’s friends and their filthy rich CEO parents thought I was so handsome that I didn’t even need to speak.”

You roll your eyes. Of course Jungkook wouldn’t give up the chance to remind you of his hellishly good looks. 

“You just stood there, looking pretty?” You ask. Not as if he doesn’t do that already. 

“You think I’m pretty?” Jungkook teases, a greasy smile sent your way, like he doesn’t know the answer anyway. 

You huff. “Dressed up like this? Anyone would.”

“Chaewon said I was like her fake trophy husband,” Jungkook jokes. “She did all of the schmoozing. It’s not like I could have contributed anything anyway. Unless everyone wants to hear about C++.”

“Ooh, I love it when you talk all tech to me,” you tease, nudging him with your arm. “So sexy, keep talking.”

He laughs. “If we keep talking about Python I might get a little too excited.” He wiggles his eyebrows just for good measure and you giggle, holding onto this moment for dear life as you let it etch itself into your brain permanently. Times like these, you know you can’t forget, saving them for a rainy day thirty years down the line when you’re in love with someone that’s not Jungkook. When you look out the window and think about what might have been, if only things back in college had been a little bit different. 

Jungkook’s phone buzzes on the table. He’s got two notifications, one from Instagram of Chaewon tagging him in a post, and another from Venmo. 

“Fuckin’ damnit,” Jungkook swears, letting his phone drop on the couch cushion. 

“What?” You ask, turning to look at him. 

“Chaewon just Venmo’ed me a hundred dollars,” Jungkook says with a sigh. And it’s not one of those times when you see your bank account balance go up and get happy because yay, money!, it’s when your friend pays you anything over what they actually owe you out of the goodness of your heart, and you refuse to accept it. 

“She did?” You ask, eyes widening. A hundred dollars? That’s more than Jungkook would make in three shifts at the call center. 

“‘Thanks for bailing me out tonight. You definitely deserve more than 100 but then you’d be mad at me. But please don’t be mad at me!’” Jungkook reads off his phone. “I just stood there looking like eye candy. I didn’t do a thing to help her, what the heck?”

You pull out your own phone to check Chaewon’s latest post. 

It’s a picture of them together in the skyscraper penthouse the gala was held in, Jungkook looking dapper in his suit with a glass of champagne in his hand, and Chaewon in a dress worth more than a semester’s tuition throwing up a peace sign like the trendy Asian she is. They look like a K-drama couple. Like two celebrities basking in their fame and wealth. 

Shoutout to my one and only Jeon Jungkook for being my fake date tonight! Thanks to your good looks and charming personality for impressing all of my parents’ rich friends and their daughters. Love you 3000 💕

“Wow, whoever took this picture of the both of you knows their shit,” you say, impressed. You had always thought it impossible for Jungkook to look better in pictures than in real life, but this photo is coming rather close. If you were any more shameless, you’d ask Chaewon if she has any more photos of him. Just him, preferably. 

It’s not as if she doesn’t know about your gargantuan crush on him anyway. 

“I don’t think I’ve ever looked that good in a photo in my life,” Jungkook says with a laugh. Impossible. He yawns, placing his empty mug on the little end table next to the couch. 

“You should set it as your profile picture,” you suggest, leaning your head on him and pretending like this is normal. He yawns again, stretching out as he rests his body against yours. “Hey, we should go to sleep. Unless you want to go home?”

Jungkook groans, snuggling in closer. “No, your bed is big enough for the two of us.”

And who are you to resist?

You wake up to the sound of a phone buzzing furiously on your bedside table. You crack open one eye just a sliver to see who the culprit is and immediately eradicate it, when the sun filtering through your Venetian blinds hits your cornea. You groan, shutting your eyes once more as you smack your hand around to get it to shut off. 

The movement, however, causes the bedsheets to shift beside you, and when you turn, you find Jungkook nestled up tightly beneath your duvet, an arm stretched over your side as he hums in his sleep. 

You’re best friends. 

This is normal. 

(The feeling of your heart beating out of its chest has become rather normal, as well.)

He’s wearing a raggedy old t-shirt of yours that has always been too big on you but fits him just perfectly and a pair of joggers that he keeps at your place “just in case”. Just in case he stays the night. Just in case you ever need them. Selfishly, you will yourself to fall back asleep, shutting your eyes tightly and pretending that maybe, if you never wake up, this moment will freeze in time, locking the two of you together for eternity. 

He mumbles to himself in his sleep, a murmur of nothing as he shifts over slightly, hand dragging up your side. 

God. 

Next to you, the phone begins to buzz erratically again, and wide-awake, you look over to realize that it’s Jungkook’s, and that it’s Chaewon on the other end. 

This is at least the second time she’s called, which means that, despite how tempting it is, you probably shouldn’t silence his phone and go back to lying in bed with Jungkook and pretending the rest of the world doesn’t exist. 

Sighing, you pick up. 

“Jungkook!” Chaewon shouts on the other side. For a brief moment you wonder why on earth she’s so energetic so early, but it’s less that and more the fact that you are overwhelmingly lethargic rather late in the day. “All of my friends said you looked really good in those photos I posted of us. Do you think you’re free next Wednesday night? Seunghee wants you to accompany her to a double date her parents are forcing her to go on!”

“Chaewon—”

“Oh, Y/N! How’s it going?”

“I just woke up,” you mumble quietly as Jungkook stirs beside you. 

“Of course you did,” Chaewon says, and you can see her rolling her eyes on the other side of the line. “Wait, why do you have Jungkook’s phone if you just woke up? Oh my God, don’t tell me—”

“Shh!” You hiss into the phone. Jungkook is slowly beginning to wake up, and you can only pray that he isn’t listening in to the conversation between you and Chaewon. “No, we did not. He got back after your thing and we promptly passed out in my bed, fully clothed,” you whisper loudly. 

“Jungkook went to your place last night? He was so tired, I thought he was going straight back to his. We even got dropped off outside my apartment.”

What? Chaewon and Jungkook live within a three-minute walk of each other. Your apartment is ten minutes away from both of them. 

“You did?” You ask, eyebrows furrowing. 

“Who’s that?” 

You turn around to see Jungkook lying on his back, head resting on a nearly-deflated pillow of yours as he looks up at you, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. His hair is mussed, some parts styled and stiff with hair gel, and some parts tangled and unkempt. He looks like he’s been lying in that position for a while, hand resting behind his head as he gazes up at you. 

“It’s Chaewon,” you tell him softly as she laughs on the other end. “She just called your phone. Are you free next Wednesday?”

“Hmm?” Jungkook, still half-asleep. “When?”

“Next Wednesday,” you repeat, a hand on the phone like it’s going to do anything to stop Chaewon from listening to you two. “Chaewon says she has a friend who wants you to accompany her to a double date she’s been set up to go on by her parents.”

“Mmmrph,” Jungkook mumbles. It’s clear he hasn’t even thought about his plans for the rest of the day, let alone next Wednesday. 

“He’s not available right now,” you say into the phone. Chaewon snorts. 

“Fine,” Chaewon says with a sigh. “Can you pass the message on when you guys are done pretending that you aren’t fucking behind my back?”

You suck in a breath. “Chaewon!” You hiss. “We are not—” you quickly turn back to Jungkook, who, by the looks of his hooded eyes and bewildered expression, isn’t listening in, “—fucking!” You whisper. “You know we’re not!”

Chaewon laughs. “Yeah, yeah. Call me later, Y/N, we should grab ice cream or something.” She hangs up. 

“Who was that?” Jungkook asks sleepily, eyes still half-lidded as he sits up in your bed, soft skin, brown hair, pouted lips amongst a sea of white, bundled up in your thick duvet as if sitting on a cloud. 

“Chaewon,” you tell him. 

“Oh, why was she calling?”

“She wanted to ask if you were free next Wednesday.”

“To do what?”

Maybe you were worried about Jungkook listening in to Chaewon grill you about your relationship (or serious lack thereof) for nothing. 

“She has a friend who wants you to go on a parent-mandated double date, trophy boyfriend style,” you explain. Jungkook groans. 

“Pretending to know business is mentally, physically, and morally draining. It feels like I’m selling my soul to capitalism,” he says with a sigh, collapsing back against the mattress. “I just wanna stay here forever. It’s so cozy.”

“Come on, Kook,” you say, tugging the duvet off of him to reveal the rest of his body. He curls into himself at the exposure, refusing to budge. “You’ve encroached on my apartment long enough.”

“Y/N,” Jungkook whines, drawing out your name for good measure. “Noooooooo.” He reaches out to cling onto your wrist, which means that if you want him out of your bed, you’ll have to drag him out.

“Jungkook, you’re swole, you know I can’t tug you out of my bed,” you say with a pout. He knows every trick in the book to use against you, and worst of all, he knows you’re weak to all of them. 

“Good,” Jungkook says with a loopy smile, pulling you back onto the bed like it’s nothing. You yelp as you come crashing on top of him, your body bumping into his as he wraps his arms around you and flops back onto your bed. You laugh and shout at the feeling as Jungkook cuddles up in the warmth of the sheets, pulling you in tightly to his body. “It’s so warm here, let’s stay like this forever.”

“What about food?”

“You keep a stash of Clif bars under your bed, we’ll eat those,” Jungkook suggests. 

You attempt to wriggle out of his grip, hoping to escape before he holds you long enough to get addicted, hooked on the feeling of his arms around you, his body against yours. But Jungkook is nothing if not persistent and clingy, and he wraps his arms tightly around your torso like a koala, warm and soft. “Come on, Jungkook. It’s nearly noon. Let’s be productive today.”

“Gross.”

“Let’s not sit in bed all day.”

“Grosser. Let’s just stay in your bed all day and pretend that we don’t have any real responsibilities.”

“Given that we’re in college, that may be slightly difficult.”

“Fuck that, your GPA doesn’t matter anyway. Unless you have plans on going to grad school?” He asks with an eyebrow raise, turning to look at you. 

“No way, I’m not paying for another four years of this shit,” you immediately declare. Let the capitalist system of higher education extort another two to four years worth of tuition out of you for the same degree? Absolutely not. 

“Then why move?” Jungkook says with a grin. 

“Because,” you say, stumbling for a real answer. 

“Not good enough.” He grins cheekily. “I vote to stay in bed.”

“I vote to do my readings, your CS homework, and get back to Chaewon about Wednesday.”

“God,” Jungkook says with a sigh. “What’s Wednesday?”

“Oh my God, you need to call Chaewon. Right now. Before you ask me what you have on Wednesday one more time after losing all of your brain cells lounging around in my personal bed and refusing to leave,” you say, eyes wide as you worm your way out of his grip, dusting yourself off and heading to your closet. 

“Noooooooo,” Jungkook says, reaching out a desperate hand. “Y/N, come back.”

“Call Chaewon. Call her!” You order, fishing around in your closet for some fresh clothes. You’ve been wearing the same one since Thursday night. You are disgusting. 

Jungkook groans but obeys, picking up his phone and pressing her contact. “Hey Chae, it’s Jungkook. Listen, I’m literally going to Venmo you back what you paid me because you? Literally didn’t need to pay me at all? And I’m actually mad at you for it? Wait, what do you mean am I up to getting paid on Wednesday—”

The phone call presents the perfect opportunity for you to dash out of your bedroom and into the bathroom, where you splash yourself with cold tap water like a model in a face wash commercial (who already has perfect skin, so why does she need this new face wash, seriously?) to clear your head. It’s been a weird twelve hours. Even weirder knowing that across the hall, Jungkook is sitting in your room, on your bed, in your clothes, under your bed sheets. Knowing that maybe, in another universe, on another timeline, you would be in the exact same positions, only everything would be different. 

You wash your face, hoping to wake yourself up. Convince your mind that the past twelve hours have been nothing but a dream, and that when you walk back into your room, Jungkook will have vanished. Or he would have never been there in the first place. 

You leave the bathroom and return to your bedroom to see Jungkook tugging on his suit jacket, wearing the same clothes he had on when he knocked on your door at 2AM last night. He’s still on the phone, wrapping up the conversation with Chaewon. 

“Yeah, yeah, tell her that I’m down. She can just text me, give her my number. I’m happy to do this for you and your friends, Chae. Plus, she’s gonna pay me and I feel less bad about it because it’s a service and she’s not a close friend like you are. Yeah, it’s all good,” he looks up to see you standing at the door, leaning against the frame. “Yeah, Y/N just got back so I’m gonna go. Maybe we can grab dinner or something tonight? Cool. Bye.”

“Dinner without me?” You ask with a pout. 

“Never,” Jungkook says wickedly. “You’re always invited.”

“Have you figured out what’s going on on Wednesday?” You tease him as you walk him to the door. 

“Chaewon has a friend, Soojin, who wants me to accompany her on a parent-mandated double date with a business partner’s daughter,” Jungkook explains. “Apparently all of Chaewon’s friends realized I make a pretty good fake trophy boyfriend.”

You rub his shoulder. He’d make a great real boyfriend too. Not that you think about that all of the time, or anything. “Gonna put that on your resume, big guy?”

“Of course.” Jungkook smiles. “Dinner tonight? We can go to the ramen place you really like.”

“Sure thing, is Chaewon coming?”

“If she wants to. Otherwise, it’ll just be us.”

“Sounds good,” you tell him. “See you then.”

“Hopefully before,” Jungkook says. “Thanks for letting me crash here last night, by the way.”

“Anytime,” you say. Maybe one day, it’ll be true. 

Next Wednesday, there’s a knock on your door at midnight. 

Who else could it be?

It was supposed to be a one-time thing. And then it was supposed to be just a two-time thing. And before you knew it, Jungkook’s number and his services were circling through the ring of wealthy international students, jumping from phone to phone as people crammed to get him to accompany them on their next double date, next business gala, next ballroom dance. 

You had always had a feeling that his charming, charismatic personality would eventually draw everybody towards him, so electric and magnetic that you couldn’t help but want to know him, make friends with him, be close to him. From the moment you saw his Facebook introduction post, you knew it was only a matter of time before everyone on campus knew his name.

[October 17th, 4:12PM] You: do u want to get dinner tonight

Jungkook: would love to but have to go to kim family business dinner with dahyun sorry :(

You: ok next time then!

[October 23rd, 1:03PM]

You: yo what r u doing You: i have so many readings to do rip You: do u wanna come to greene w me and study

Jungkook: heejin is taking me shopping for a fancy suit for her family’s event tomorrow i can’t :/ Jungkook: but i am going to get macaroons for u at the mall so we can see each other later!

You: yummm sure thing!

[October 30th, 9:58AM]

You: hey ik you’re asleep rn but we are still on for tomorrow right? 🎃 You: can’t let our one (1) year long halloween tradition of buying last-minute candy and watching the nightmare before christmas together die

[October 30th, 11:13PM]

Jungkook: omg i just saw this now im so sorry Jungkook: uh yeonjoo wants me to go to her sister’s halloween party tm so idk if i can make it this year

[October 31st, 2:02AM]

You: ok You: thanks for telling me

It’s no fun watching The Nightmare Before Christmas by yourself, you realize this Halloween. All of your roommates are out frequenting one of the hundreds of parties being thrown on campus tonight, and although you’d normally be up for getting drunk and dropping it low, you just aren’t in the Halloween spirit this year. Wonder why. 

Armed with the knowledge that your roommates probably won’t be back until three or four in the morning, you shut your laptop and decide to go to bed early. Early being midnight, but it’s early for you and that’s all that really matters. 

You don’t know why you’re being such a stick in the mud this Halloween. It’s always been one of your favorite holidays, never one to pass up free candy nor the option to dress up, but this one has been particularly lame. You don’t have a costume, your local drugstore is out of mini Skittles packets, and you don’t have someone to spend it with. 

Realistically, you have no reason to be sad that Jungkook isn’t available tonight. It’s not as if spending Halloween together is some ancient tradition from birth that binds the two of you together. You did it for the first time as freshmen, and you were foolishly hoping to do the same thing as sophomores. It’s not a tradition if it only happened once. 

You look in the bathroom mirror, stained with nail polish and dry shampoo and old skincare, and you sigh. Jungkook has every right to prioritize his current and only source of income over a night spent lounging on the couch doing nothing. It’s not as if you haven’t seen your best friend in over a month and this was the only night you both had free. Jungkook drops by after every single event he goes on. Every single one. He stands outside your door dressed in a fancy suit, or a silk button down, leather shoes and expensive jewelry bought for him by the girls he goes out with.

No matter the time, he knocks on your door and says hello, steals a cup of tea and a bit of your heart along with it, before bouncing out of your living room and off to his own apartment. He doesn’t stay the night anymore, doesn’t worm his way underneath your duvet and refuse to move until morning comes. It’s hard to tell if you’re grateful about it or not. 

Sluggishly, you peel off your clothes and wash your face, changing into some old sweatpants from the tenth grade and a t-shirt with an embarrassingly large hole in the armpit. This Halloween, you are dressing up as a lonely college student who is going to bed early on Halloween night because she has nothing better to do!

There’s a knock on your door. 

Your first instinct is to freeze up. When there’s another knock, your second instinct is to grab the closest object to you (which happens to be your water bottle) for self-defense. 

And then, you hear,

“You’re not watching The Nightmare before Christmas without me, are you?”

To spare yourself the shame, you won’t say that you practically leapt out of bed the moment you heard his voice. You calmly removed the covers, and casually walked to the front door. That is what you did. 

When you open it, Jungkook is standing behind it, grinning, wearing the greasiest police officer outfit you’ve ever seen in your entire life. This flew at a marketing company’s heir’s Halloween party? He’s even got what looks to be a fully-loaded water gun in his holster. 

“Don’t tell me this is what you wore to some fancy-shmancy Halloween party,” you say disapprovingly, eyebrows raised as you look him up and down and pretend that you aren’t just ogling his figure. 

“It was fine, Yeonjoo’s sister just graduated college. If anything, she was more okay with it than Yeonjoo was,” Jungkook says with a shrug. You don’t even need to let him in at this point, just watch as he tugs off his shoes and steps inside your apartment like it belongs to him. 

“What was Yeonjoo dressed as?”

“Princess Leia. We made for a very mismatched pair,” Jungkook says, chuckling to himself. “Ooh, did you guys get new tea?”

“You can have some if you want,” you tell him, shutting the door as he eagerly pulls out a box of teabags, turning on the electric kettle on the counter. “I think it’s Wild Berry Hibiscus.”

“Sounds good already,” Jungkook says, and he lets out a sigh that sounds so exhausted, so tired and aching, as he leans back against the countertop, head resting on the cupboards above it. 

“You could have gone home, you know,” you tell him. Even from the couch you can see the droop in his shoulders, the bags under his eyes. He’s been going out several times every week for the past month, and he still has a truckload of CS assignments on top. He spends precious hours schmoozing with wealthy businessmen and women, shaking people’s hands and posing for pictures in the fanciest clothes he owns and then some. The selfish part of you wants him to stay. The part that loves him knows it would be better if he went home. “You still can.”

“No,” Jungkook insists, shaking his head. “We have a tradition to uphold, don’t we?”

Even though The Nightmare Before Christmas is seventy-six minutes long, the night ends long before that. You haven’t even reached “This Is Halloween” before you feel a head hit your shoulder, and crane your neck to find Jungkook having fallen fast asleep beside you, half-full cup of Wild Berry Hibiscus next to the laptop in front of you. He’s still wearing his stupid police officer costume, the navy blue uniform tight against his body. His lips are parted ever so softly, eyelashes fluttering as little non-sounds exit his mouth, hints, whispers of snores. 

He hasn’t slept over since the first time. You’re not sure if you want the trend to continue, or if you just want to be a little bit selfish tonight, greedy, taking and taking and taking. He’s so beautiful like this, so innocent and gentle and soft. It would be such a shame if you had to wake him. 

And so, gingerly, you rest your head against his own, breathe in the quiet little sounds that leave his parted lips, memorize the feeling. It’s not the first time Jungkook’s accidentally fallen asleep on you, but there is something about this moment, sitting on your couch a few minutes past midnight, as the rest of the world celebrates around you, that is so intimate. Like here, in your apartment, you and Jungkook have your own little bubble, tucked away in a corner of the universe far from the noise of the rest of the world. And it’s here that you wish you could stay forever, for once never wanting the feeling to end. Wanting time to freeze in its very steps, the clocks stop and the orbit halts, and it is just you and Jungkook, forever. Like characters in a movie, on pause for eternity.

The moment ends when Jungkook shifts beside you before eventually coming to, slowly opening his eyes as he turns to look at you. You smile at him, dazed and tired, as he sits up properly, staring down at your half-opened laptop and the half-full cup of tea next to it. 

“Thought you’d end up sleeping here again tonight,” you joke, even though it isn’t really a joke. Maybe, somewhere deep down inside you, in the crevices between your bones and the dark corner of your heart, you had hoped that he would stay. 

“Oh, did I fall asleep?” Jungkook asks, blinking away the sleep in his eyes. It’s nearly two-thirty in the morning. 

“Just for a bit. I didn’t want to wake you, but I wasn’t sure if you wanted to head back to your apartment or anything,” you tell him. 

Jungkook nearly jumps up off the couch at that, like he’s got springs in his shoes. Suddenly he’s wide awake, brown eyes blown open as he scrambles to gather his belongings, taking the cup of tea and quickly dumping it out in your sink. 

“Hey, don’t you want that?” You ask. 

“No, no, it’s okay. I’ll come by some other time and have some, it was really good, I just fell asleep while drinking it,” Jungkook sputters, words moving a mile a minute as he tugs on his heavy black officer boots, scuffed at the tips from wear and tear. It’s as if he’s desperate to leave. Like your apartment has somehow offended him. Or worse, you. 

“If you want to stay, Jungkook, you can,” you tell him, standing up to run to the door before he pulls the damn thing off his hinges with how fast he’s moving. “I don’t mind. My bed is big enough for the both of us.”

“No, I should—I should get going. My… plants need watering. Right now. I totally forgot.”

It’s not a completely bullshit excuse. Jungkook has a fair few pothos amongst his other worldly apartment belongings, hanging from his ceiling or potted in old mugs and janky shoes. But it’s still a pretty bullshit excuse. It’s dark. Jungkook waters his plants every Sunday, and it’s Friday. It’s obvious he wants to get the hell out of your apartment for whatever reason. 

All you can do is hope and pray that it isn’t you who’s driving him away. 

“Oh—okay,” you tell him, opening the door as he furiously laces up his other boot. 

“Thanks for doing this. Next Halloween will be more fun, I swear. I won’t fall asleep on you. Or anything.”

“Okay, see you soon, then?” You ask, searching for a clue, a hint, anything that will tell you that it’s not you, that he hasn’t found you out yet. That you can still be friends, be best friends, because even if you want to kiss him, hold his hand, roll around in bed with him, loving him from afar is good enough. 

“Yes, yes, definitely. Dinner? Uh… sometime this week? I’ll text you. I have to go. Plants. See you!”

He dashes down the hallway. 

And you end your Halloween the same way you started it. Alone. 

Jungkook ran out of your apartment the other day like it was infested with cockroaches. Or the Black Plague. Or your microwave had just beeped. It was as if simply being inside it was going to scar him for life. 

Maybe your apartment is cursed. Jungkook does believe in ghosts. That’s another reason as to why he fears the microwave. Tiny ghosts could be living inside the microwave chamber and you’d never know. But Jungkook knows better. He knows that they’re there. 

“He just… ran out?” Chaewon asks, clearly bewildered. The two of you have been working on the first floor of the library all day, obviously doing everything in your power to not actually complete any of your assignments. 

“Yeah, something about his plants.” You sigh. 

Chaewon narrows her eyes, the same way she does when she’s plotting something. “Interesting.”

“What?” You ask, nudging her to see if you can worm a less mysterious response out of her. 

“Nothing,” Chaewon says with a nonchalant shrug. She clearly has something to say. 

“What?” You repeat forcefully. Chaewon doesn’t get to go all cryptic on you just because Jungkook ran out of your apartment like it had set fire. 

“I know I’ve only known you guys for, like, a year and a bit now, but you two have the strangest relationship I’ve ever seen,” Chaewon comments like it’s nobody’s business when it is, in fact, specifically two people’s business. 

You scowl. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Just…” She pauses, thinking. In the silence, she begins to pack up her belongings, shoving her laptop into her bag and gathering up the small pile of candy wrappers slowly amassing in front of her. “I’ve never seen two best friends have a relationship quite like yours.”

“Thanks?”

“What are you doing for dinner? I’m eating with Yoonji, but you’re welcome to join if you want,” Chaewon offers. Even though you have no idea who Yoonji is, Chaewon would never exclude you from eating with them.

“I’m getting Korean food with Jungkook, but thanks for the offer,” you say, only to be greeted with Chaewon rolling her eyes. He said he’d meet us outside?”

Sure enough, when you head out of the glass doors at the front of the library, Jungkook is waiting dutifully on a bench close by, headphones in as he nods his head and taps his feet to the beat of the music, lost in his own world. He doesn’t even realize that you’ve left the library until you’re two feet in front of him, when he recognizes your beat-up white sneakers and looks up at you in glee, eyes crinkled into crescents. 

“Ready to go?” You ask happily. Your stomach has been rumbling ever since Jungkook suggested you go out to eat this morning. 

“Hell yeah I am,” Jungkook says, putting his earbuds away as he stands up. “You coming, Chae?”

She shakes her head. “No, I’m eating with a friend.” There’s nudge against your shoulder, and when you turn to face her, she winks. “But you two enjoy yourselves! Don’t have too much fun without me!”

Before you can publicly berate her for being so goddamn obvious, she’s rotating 180 degrees on her heel and speed-walking in the opposite direction, zooming off so you don’t get the chance. 

“I feel like we haven’t seen each other in ages,” you comment mindlessly. Twenty-four hours away from Jungkook feels like a lifetime and a half. Forty-eight is a light year. 

“I’ve been busy,” Jungkook says vaguely, shrugging his shoulders. 

“Doing what, going out to fancy restaurants and galas?” You half-tease. It’s sad but true—Jungkook spends his nights living a life you could only dream of. And all of these rituals you share, from studying in the library until three in the morning to crashing at his place and taking naps on separate couches, get put on the backburner. 

“Hey, it’s hard work pretending to be rich,” Jungkook pouts. “Besides, the craziest thing about going to those things is that rich Korean people don’t serve Korean food at their fancy gatherings. They serve shit like caviar.”

“Is that why you’re so desperate to get Korean?” You ask pointedly. 

“Yes,” Jungkook emphasizes. “Man, I just want some tteokbokki.”

“Then we’ll go and eat all of the tteokbokki you can dream of,” you promise. You round the street corner and on the edge of the main road and an alleyway sits a tiny Korean restaurant the size of a bedroom, no more than six cramped tables inside. It’s run by a family who passes it down through each generation, dependent on the starving college students nearby to keep it alive. 

It’s Jungkook’s favorite place. The owner gives him a discount every time he sees him. 

(It’s impossible not to fall in love with Jungkook. Impossible to not be drawn to his presence, his personality. Like moths to a flame, you can’t help but come closer.)

“Ah, Jungkook!” The old man behind the counter greets as the bell above the entrance rings. “Sit! Sit!” He points to your favorite table, a round one in the far left corner that’s right next to the biggest window. “Usual?”

“Tteokbokki, too, please!” Jungkook shouts. The man gives you both a thumbs up and heads back into the kitchen. 

“It’s been a while since we came here,” Jungkook notices. You both usually eat lunch on campus and Jungkook has been largely unavailable for dinner. 

“Almost sounds like you missed it,” you poke fun. 

“God, I missed it so much,” Jungkook exclaims, tilting his head back in exasperation. “I didn’t realize that it would be so much work to get dressed up in a suit and look hot.”

“Don’t make it sound like such a drag.” You frown. Jungkook needs to put in literally zero effort to look hot. Sitting across from him in this tiny Korean restaurant as he wears nothing but a massive hoodie and black joggers, he looks hot. When he wakes up in your bed in a raggedy t-shirt, he looks hot. When you catch him at three in the morning in the library after eighteen straight hours of studying, he looks hot. 

Jungkook sits there and radiates light. Radiates warmth and joy and beauty. Laughter and hope. He’s the college version of a Disney prince. Perfectly imperfect and completely out of your reach. 

“I wish I could take you with me, you might enjoy it,” Jungkook sighs. “Plus, I have literally never seen you wear something fancier than business casual. Imagine you in a ballgown!”

“In your dreams, Jeon,” you rebuke. “Free catered food sounds nice but having to mingle with the 1% does not.”

“Touché,” Jungkook concedes. “I don’t know how Chaewon does it.”

“She’s a goddess.”

“Indeed.”

Jungkook pours you a cup of water from the pitcher that the old man dropped off, and then pours one for himself. “Chaewon said that I did well, though.”

Not surprising. Jungkook excels at everything he does. 

“Of course you did, you sexy beast,” you chide. 

“She said I’d make a good boyfriend.”

You choke on your water as the man’s son brings out your food, and you desperately attempt to avoid eye contact as you sputter and cough into a napkin, gaze pointed away from both a surprised waiter and a concerned Jungkook, who awkwardly thanks the man and leans over to pat your back. 

“You good?” He asks, brows furrowed. 

Coughing, you say, “I’m okay, I’m okay. It just—it went down the wrong pipe, that’s all.” Jungkook doesn’t buy it, and the little coughs escaping your throat don’t do much to corroborate your claim. “Seriously, Jungkook. I’m okay. It’s just water.”

“You looked like you were on the verge of death,” Jungkook frowns. 

“That’s just my face,” you fire back. “Just keep talking about what you were saying earlier. What was it?”

“Being a good boyfriend,” Jungkook says, and with no water near your lips to distract you this time, your mind bears the full force of his words, weighing down on your shoulders like a calculus textbook. 

It’s not as if you aren’t already aware that Jungkook would be the best boyfriend in the entire world, bar none. Not as if you don’t sit in bed and dream of a parallel universe, a life other than the one you’re living in right now, where Jungkook is lovely and wonderful and yours. He knocks on your door at a random hour in the afternoon with Chinese takeout from the local restaurant. He remembers your homework assignments when you forget them. He sits in bed with you and judges the Instagrams of the guys on the latest Bachelorette season. It’s as if he was already yours.

“Believe me,” you scoff. “The people know how great of a boyfriend you are.” 

“It’s fake, though,” Jungkook reminds you. “It’s only for a night. An evening, really.”

“Better than nothing,” you sigh. “If only I had enough money to rent myself a fake boyfriend for a night.”

“If only your parents were the CEOs of a multibillion dollar cooperation,” Jungkook adds on. 

“Truth,” you say, and you and Jungkook toast to that. Toast to knowing that some people are born with a silver spoon in their mouths. Toast to knowing that some of those people can get for themselves something you can only imagine in your wildest dreams—a night with Jungkook. More than just a night. A night spent dressed up in your fanciest clothes, arms wrapped tightly around each other. A night spent as a couple, rather than you and Jungkook. 

Toast to knowing that even if you’ll never get to have him like that, you get to have him like this, and you’d rather it be like this than nothing at all. 

“You don’t need to rent a fake boyfriend for a night, Y/N,” Jungkook tells you once you’ve downed the water in your glasses (stay hydrated!). “You shouldn’t feel pressured to spend time with people you don’t want to spend time with.”

You don’t understand, you sigh. I’d give anything to spend time with you. 

Jungkook pays. He says that he’s made more money accompanying wealthy socialites—even ones that don’t go to your school, because word gets around—than he would in a month’s worth of shifts at the call center. He says he’s never looking back. He’s probably not going to give up the gig for a while, either. 

“Just because you have cash now doesn’t mean you get a free pass to pay for everything we do together,” you warn. You’ve always split the price of meals, split the price birthday cakes for your friends. In the beginning of freshman year, Jungkook ate a quarter of a bag of goldfish you had and paid you fifty-three cents to account for his consumption, which you immediately sent back to him. You still fight over it, finding surreptitious ways to incorporate it into the Venmo payments you make to each other. 

“I’m rich, I can do whatever I want with my money,” Jungkook proclaims. “And if that means treating my best friend to a meal, then that means I’m gonna treat her to a meal.”

“That’s very rude of you,” you tell him pointedly. “Zero out of ten, worst best friend in the entire world. Will not accept my Venmo payments.”

Walking down the sidewalk, side by side, Jungkook wraps an arm around you and pulls you in for a side hug as you come to a stop at a traffic light. “You always do so much for me and Chaewon. You deserve to be treated once in a while, Y/N.”

“Why, ‘cause I go out to CVS at ten at night to get you Nyquil after you catch the common cold from some sweaty guy at the gym?” 

“That,” Jungkook nods, conceding, “and also because you’re one of the best friends anyone could ever ask for. The people who know you are lucky to get to say your name.”

If only Jungkook knew that he was the exact same. It’s an honor to know him. It’s a blessing to love him. 

“What fancy clothes do you own?” Chaewon’s lying on your bed, scrolling mindlessly on her phone. 

“I don’t know,” you respond, brows furrowing. You get up from your desk chair to start fishing through your closet,  “I have, like, some business casual stuff.”

“How about a dress?”

You whip around suspiciously, eyeing Chaewon as she lounges around in your room and acts like she isn’t plotting something nefarious. “Don’t you think you could tell me what you’re trying to convince me to do before you ask me if I have the appropriate clothing?” 

Even lying on her back, Chaewon still manages to roll her eyes, sitting up to meet your gaze. “There’s a gala tonight to celebrate some big business deal being closed and I want you to come with me,” she says like it’s a chore, exasperated. 

“Me?” You frown. “Why not Jungkook?”

“He said he had some thing to do for some other girl,” Chaewon says. The topic clearly is not at the forefront of her mind. It’s a little too obvious that it’s at the forefront of yours. “Besides, I was given no date restrictions and you deserve to have a little fun tonight. It’s a Friday!”

“I just want to stay in bed and play Legend of Zelda,” you tell her. 

“You’re already out of bed,” Chaewon points out unhelpfully. 

“Well, then I want to get into bed and play Legend of Zelda,” you rephrase. 

Chaewon pouts. “Noooo, please? It’ll be fun, I swear,” Chaewon pleads.  “It’s a huge party and hundreds of people are going to be there. Everybody gets to bring a plus one. You won’t be the only person who doesn’t know anything about business and has to cling onto their date in order to survive.”

“Gee, thanks. That makes me want to go so much,” you deadpan. 

“Seriously, Y/N. When was the last time you went out on a Friday?”

A while ago. You and Jungkook started having Mario Kart nights on Friday in the middle of your freshman year after you both came to the conclusion that every frat party smells, sounds, and tastes like the same fifty shades of college regret. You haven’t gone out since. 

“Not that long ago,” you lie. It’s been months.

“Yeah, right,” Chaewon scoffs. “Don’t think I don’t see your Bitmoji on the SnapMap sitting in your damn apartment on a Friday at 11PM,” she scolds.

“I’m gonna turn off my location,” you declare. You’ve had enough of Snapchat exposing you and your location. People can live in mystery about your whereabouts from now on. They don’t need to know. Chaewon certainly does not. 

“No excuses, you’re coming with me to the gala! You must have something to wear in that closet of yours, don’t you?” She slides off of your bed with a thud and joins you as you stand in front of your clothes. None of them scream fancy. None of them even whisper it. You stand back as she shuffles through your clothes, hangers squeaking as she shoves them along the rail. Chaewon tears through your clothing faster than you skim through your economics readings. “Aha! What do we have here?”

She whips out a dress from the very back of your closet, right behind the blazer you never wear because you’d rather be caught dead than in business attire. It’s old—you don’t think you’ve worn it since the beginning of your freshman year when you thought you actually had to dress up for parties. Needless to say, you dry-cleaned it the following Monday and never wore it again. You don’t even recall bringing it to college this year. 

“This is perfect!” Chaewon cries. “Really says ‘I can fucking dress myself’, don’t you think?”

“Are you implying that I can’t dress myself?” 

“You should definitely wear this,” Chaewon decides, dodging the question. “Gucci and Louis Vuitton are overrated, anyway.”

“I don’t really have a choice, do I.” Chaewon thrusts the dress towards you.

Chaewon shakes her head. “Of course you don’t.” 

Three hours later finds you one makeup and hair session later, standing in the lobby of a magnificent skyscraper wearing a dress that maybe could have done without the cup of frozen yogurt that you ate before you arrived. Now you remember why you haven’t really worn it since the beginning of last year. Has it shrunk?

“I feel like a loser, Chaewon,” you hiss as she bats her eyelashes and gets directed to the private elevator that will lead you both to the top floor. “A money-less, jobless loser.”

“At least you’re honest, Y/N,” Chaewon whispers back as you step into the elevator. Despite being nearly an hour and a half late (“Fashionably so!” Chaewon exclaims.) you are crowded into the back corner, several other couples stepping inside to join you, all of them wearing clothes that cost more than your tuition for all four years of college, combined. “That’s better than most of the people here.”

Nothing separates the rich from the poor like morality. 

When the elevator doors open, you and Chaewon are the last group to step out, milling about in the corner until the path is free. And when you turn your gaze away from her, you realize just why Jungkook’s so keen on going to events like these, why he never turns down an offer when it lights up his phone screen. 

In movies, rich people flaunt their wealth so extravagantly that it almost looks fake. From gigantic ice sculptures to ten-feet-tall chocolate fountains, entire orchestras and dresses worth thousands of dollars, it makes you wonder if rich people really do see those items as necessities when throwing a party. They rent out entire European castles and the press publicizes every one of their actions. To you, it looks contrived, unrealistic. Even if rich people have enough money to sustain the bottom 99% for hundreds of years, how could they spend their money on nonsense like this?

As it turns out, the ice sculptures and chocolate fountains are only half of the story.

At this gala, the hosts have spared no expense. The entire penthouse is made purely of glass, from the ceiling, to the floor, to the walls in between, giving you an absolutely breathtaking view of the city lights dozens of feet below you, of the stars millions of light years away. It’s as if you’re standing in a bubble, frozen in time, the world sparkling and twinkling and shimmering around you. You didn’t even know a place like this existed on Earth. The price to book it must be astronomical. The view, even more so. 

“Holy fuck,” you murmur, mouth dropping open at the sight. It’s a movie come to life. It’s a picture straight out of a fairytale. 

“Pretty sweet, right?” Chaewon says, clearly proud of herself for convincing you to join her. “The Parks and the Ohs really felt like celebrating.”

“No shit,” you say, dumbfounded. Chaewon wraps her arm around yours and leads you out of the elevator, her poise and grace akin to that of a princess. She’s been to this place before. She could do this in her sleep. 

“Pictures first, then we eat, and then we mingle,” Chaewon instructs, and you nod diligently. She’s the only way you’re going to make it out of this night unscathed. Without her, you don’t know what you’d do. 

On the average day of an average life of an average person, pictures means getting a stranger to take a single pic on your shitty iPhone at your worst angle, which you will begrudgingly post to your Instagram later after extensive editing. 

But this is not your average day, and these are not average lives of not average people. Pictures means professional photographers with entire setups, standing with their cameras held up to their eyes, poised and ready for the next shot. It means couples, one by one, stepping in front of a gorgeous backdrop and posing, over and over, as five photographers at once cram to get their best angle, the cleanest photo. 

You don’t know how to pose for photos. You barely remember what the proper formatting is for your essays, depending on the citation structure. And yet, Chaewon is ushering you over in front of the photographers, immediately striking one of her classic, perfect poses as you flail about, trying to figure out what to do with your hands. 

“Just relax,” Chaewon advises. Even standing beside you, she can see you panicking in her periphery. “And smile. You’re beautiful, so show them that.”

Eventually, as the photographers switch positions to get different angles, you stop worrying about your hands, stop worrying about your bag, your feet, your head tilt, and just grin. You may not have millions of dollars to your name, but it’s a Friday night and you’re living the life of a billionaire with no responsibilities. You deserve to live a little. 

When the next group comes up, Chaewon nudges you out of the way and whispers to one of the photographers, who nods dutifully in response. Wrapping her arm around yours once more, she guides you to the massive catering setup, tables and tables lined with delicacies from every country you could imagine. And of course, a gargantuan chocolate fountain in the middle of it all. 

Your stomach rumbles. Clearly, the frozen yogurt was not enough to hold you off. Or maybe it’s just because you’ve been eating college dining hall food for weeks now, and are probably going to throw up if you have to have dry beef one more time. 

“If you want to, you should try the caviar. It’s delicious. Avoid the eggplant, it tastes like foot, but the brussel sprouts are delicious. Kimchi’s good, too. Classic,” Chaewon instructs as you walk around the tables, placing servings the size of quarters onto your plate just so you can have a taste of everything. Chaewon sticks to some ribs, pan-seared salmon, and a vegetable so expensive you’ve never even heard of it before. 

“Im Chaewon, is that you?”

“Mrs. Kim!”

A strange older woman comes up to the two of you as you’re dishing up, and Chaewon’s face immediately lights up. The woman goes in for a hug, a barely-touching pat of the shoulders and hands. Over her shoulder, you watch as Chaewon rolls her eyes and pulls a face. 

“How are you, dear? You look so grown up,” Mrs. Kim says. You watch as the light slowly fades from Chaewon’s eyes with each second that passes. 

“I’m very well, Mrs. Kim. Did you get your hair done? It makes you look so youthful.” Chaewon’s a master. She glares at you when Mrs. Kim isn’t looking, raising her eyebrows as if to say learn, young padawan. This is how it’s done. They go on for a couple minutes, showering fake compliments on each other as you slowly begin to eat. You scrunch your nose up. Chaewon’s right. The eggplant does taste like foot. 

“And who is this?” Mrs. Kim asks, turning her focus onto you. You look up like a deer in headlights, a brussel sprout puffing your cheek. You were not meant to mingle and eat at the same time. 

“This is one of my closest friends, Y/N,” Chaewon introduces for you. You nod your hello, chewing the brussel sprout in the most nondescript manner possible in an effort to save whatever is left of your dignity. “She’s pre-law.”

You are not pre-law.

“Oh, how wonderful! You must have a lot you want to accomplish in life,” Mrs. Kim says. God, you couldn’t care less about how Mrs. Kim feels about you.

“Yes, definitely,” you say awkwardly. 

“We really must be going, Mrs. Kim. My parents will want me to make sure I do my rounds,” Chaewon says, a hand on your arm as she makes to get you both the fuck out of there. 

“Of course, of course,” Mrs. Kim concedes, sending you and Chaewon one final goodbye before moving on to find her next victim. 

When she leaves, Chaewon seems to let out the biggest exhale of her life. “Holy fucking shit, I thought she’d never leave,” she exclaims, grabbing a flute of champagne and downing it in a single go. “She’s an associate of my father’s, so she’s always trying to kiss my damn ass. Like, sorry that you need to brown-nose your boss and his daughter just so you bribe your idiot son’s way into college.”

“You like mingling, I take?” You joke. 

“Just murder me.”

“Have any tips?”

“Flex as hard as possible without actually flexing. Try to speak to people your age because they are usually more bearable than people older than you. The best conversationalists are anybody under the age of ten,” Chaewon tells you. She picks up another glass of Prosecco. “Want some champagne?” 

“You have it,” you tell her. “I think you need it more than I do.”

Chaewon shrugs. Not as if they’re running out any time soon. She gulps it down and places it on the tray of one of the caterers as they whiz by her. 

The rest of the night passes by in the same way the beginning of it did. Chaewon drags you around the penthouse, talking with her father’s business partners and associates and their sons and daughters and husbands and wives for no more than two minutes each before moving on. She’s got her technique down pat. Greet, compliment, shade, flex, compliment, say goodbye. It’s foolproof, because you immediately notice that everyone else in the room has adopted the same approach. 

Business gatherings like these are just one big game of who can be the most-liked and the least-liked at the same time. And the answer: everybody, all at once. 

Halfway through the evening, Chaewon collapses against the back wall, totally unafraid of the possibility of the glass giving out behind her. She doesn’t care. If it breaks, it breaks. 

“Tired?”

“I just need a break,” Chaewon declares. “Because everyone in here is so fucking fake, and you’re the only one I can talk to without wanting to rip out my eardrums.”

“I’m honored,” you say sarcastically. 

“When I say you’re the only honest one here, I mean it,” Chaewon says. You lean back against the wall next to her, looking out into a sea of people in fancy clothes with fancy food and fancy friends. “Look at all these people, Y/N. All these fucking people, and you’re the only one who’s true.”

And then, you spot him. 

He’s far away, standing in a group of people you don’t recognize, a hand on the small of another girl’s back. He’s wearing a navy blue suit, tight-fitting and tailored, a silver watch sparkling on his wrist as he adjusts his sleeves. One of the other young men in the group says something funny, and he tilts his head back to laugh, chuckling as the girl beside him curls into his arms. 

You suppose it would have been ignorant of you to assume Jungkook was elsewhere on a night like this, at a gathering where everybody who knows anybody is here. 

Jungkook must not know you’re here. He mustn't, otherwise he would have come over to find you. You must have entered at different times, spent the night wandering around different parts of the penthouse. Clinging onto Chaewon’s arms, you must have avoided his gaze, and he, yours. 

Chaewon hasn’t spotted him either. Maybe it’s better this way. Maybe it’s better, if you’re the only one stuck with the knowledge that he’s here tonight. Chaewon would pity you. Other people would ask you how you knew such a worldly, experienced man like him. And you would spend the night wallowing in sadness, wondering why it’s never you that gets to spend the night next to him. 

From this distance, you can see Jungkook perfectly. The light from the moon shines down on him like a goddamn spotlight, catching the sparkling on his wrist, leaving a silver gleam in his slicked back hair. You watch as he laughs, smiles, talks, grins and beams and socializes. Of course he’s here. Of course. He’s so good at this, so good at being real and genuine and happy. 

Chaewon says the only person in the room who is true is you, but how can that be? How can that be when Jungkook, the most honest, wonderful, real person you know, is standing in front of you? You aren’t honest. You aren’t true and real and whole. You stand on the sidelines, a wallflower in a room of daisies and roses, and pine from afar. Watch as he pretends to date a girl that’s not you, wraps his arm around her waist and kisses her cheek, and you act like everything is alright. 

It sucks, being trapped like this for fear of him seeing you. You know that would be worse—if he saw you standing alone and decided to take matters into his own hands. Seeing him up close in a penthouse like this, a movie set, shimmering and sparkling, it would be worse. Jungkook pulls the girl beside him in close to his side, smiling as he listens to someone else speak. She’s the perfect height in those heels, just tall enough to rest her head in the crook between his neck and his shoulder. You imagine them walking into the room together, hand in hand. Imagine them posing for the pictures like a real couple, a pair of celebrities. 

You suppose you have no reason to be jealous of her, of him, of what they have. Jealousy is when resenting someone for having something that you once had. You never had a life like that with Jungkook. You’ll never have a life like that with him. Never get dressed up to go out, never get to be his date to an event. Never get pictures taken of you as a couple, never feed each other candies and strawberries dipped in chocolate. You can’t be jealous of her. You were never in the running to begin with. 

“Ready to get back out there?” Chaewon asks, placing a firm hand on your shoulder. 

A waiter comes by with a tray of champagne flutes, offering it to the both of you. 

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” Chaewon tells you as she takes a glass for herself. 

You sigh, casting another glance over at Jungkook. He and his date are moving around now, joining another social circle on the opposite side of the penthouse. He looks so at ease, so comfortable. He belongs there, in the middle of it all, talking and laughing and grinning. And you? You belong back at home, underneath your duvet covers playing a game of Mario Kart. Not here. 

You shake your head. You could use a drink or two in this state. “I’d love one, actually. Thank you.”

That night, you stay at Chaewon’s place. 

“You’ve been acting weird.”

“Hello to you, as well,” you say with a scowl as Chaewon sits down across from you at the local ramen place. 

“Listen,” Chaewon begins, “I’ve been thinking. You need to confess to Jungkook.”

You nearly spit out the complimentary water you were served. “Excuse me?”

“You need to. You’ve been acting weird and that’s the only thing that’s going to fix it,” Chaewon declares. 

“What do you mean I’ve been ‘acting weird’? Care to explain?” You ask, offended. You haven’t been acting weird. Well, that weird. Maybe a little weird.

“Jungkook told me you haven’t seen each other for the last eight days,” Chaewon points out. Eight days? It’s more like seven and a half. Not that you’ve been counting, or anything. 

“So? We’re busy people,” you defend. It’s a good enough excuse. You’re sophomores in college. You have classes. Clubs. You have to meal prep. 

“So? You guys are best friends. You make time to see each other at three in the fucking morning if you haven’t seen each other yet that day. And you haven’t seen each other for eight whole days? What’s wrong with you?” Chaewon demands. 

“Nothing! What the heck, I invite you out to a best friend ramen date and you just blaspheme all over me like this?” You accuse. This is not how you imagined today to be going. This isn’t how you imagined this week to be going. “Besides, it’s only been seven and a half days. He’s over-exaggerating.”

“Seven and a—holy fuck, you are literally the worst. Can you just stop resisting? If you tell him, everything will be fine and go back to the way things were,” Chaewon says, blinking, flabbergasted. 

“No, they will not,” you hiss. “Everything will change if I tell him. We’re best friends, Chae. Imagine if I told you that I loved you. What would you do?”

“I’d love you back, that’s what!” Chaewon tells you. “You deserve to be loved back, Y/N. Nothing would change between us. I already love you. You’re one of my most favorite people ever. I would never regret something if it was with you.”

“It’s different with him, though,” you try to explain. You don’t know why—you just know that it is. The way you’re friends with Chaewon and the way you’re friends with Jungkook are entirely separate. You love Chaewon. You’re not in love with Chaewon. 

“Is it? How?” Chaewon says. 

“I don’t know, I just—it’s different with him.” There’s no way to describe it. Jungkook appeared in your life and it was as if everything just clicked into place. There isn’t a single thing in your life that makes more sense to you than Jungkook. “It’s always been different with him. With you, I—I knew that we would become really close friends once we started talking a lot more in the beginning of freshman year. But with him—I don’t know. From the moment I met him, I knew that I would fall in love with him. When he said hello to me, I was fucked. There’s never been any hope for me, Chae. I just have to live like this forever.”

Chaewon rolls her eyes. “No, you don’t. You don’t even see what the fuck is right in front of you.”

“You?”

“God, I’m friends with idiots. Literal idiots. How you guys have made it through nearly a year and a half of college is beyond me,” Chaewon says to nobody in particular. “Seriously, tell me, Y/N. What do you think will happen if you tell him? Just out of curiosity.”

“I don’t know—” you pause. A lot of things. He tells you he just wants to stay friends. He rejects you because he’s not interested that way and you can’t really be friends anymore because it’s weird now. He’s already interested in somebody else. He’s already dating somebody else and you never even knew. He’s not looking for a relationship right now. Things get awkward because you confessed to your best friend that you’re in love with him and he doesn’t feel the same. You end up never speaking to each other. You never see each other. You go through the rest of university seeing each other on the Green by chance and not knowing what to do. You graduate and move on with your lives. And suddenly, he’s just a past friend you used to have. No longer a part of your life. No longer given the chance to. “He rejects me. We never speak again and have to avoid each other at all costs. He lets me down easy and I feel like a total loser for having confessed in the first place. There’s a lot.”

“Jesus, Y/N. Aren’t you forgetting a possibility?” Chaewon says, eyebrows raised high. 

“I’m omitting a lot of them,” you tell her. Including the one where, in the next three years, you end up in a hellish dystopian wasteland and you have to band together to survive but it’s awkward and terrible because you love him still and he doesn’t feel the same, never has and never will, and now you have to fight off zombies and a corrupt autocratic government all while dealing with your own goddamn feelings. That may be the most unbearable one of them all. 

“How about the one where he actually feels the same?”

“Too unrealistic,” you tell Chaewon. It’s the truth. Why else would Jungkook be traipsing around with beautiful, rich, worldly girls on his nights off? He does it for the money, sure, but he likes it. He loves the experience, loves living that sort of life. You’d never be able to provide that for him. “You know that’s never going to happen, Chae. We’re just friends.”

“Bullshit.”

“Well, he thinks that we’re just friends. And I’m not gonna fuck everything up by telling him that I’ve been madly in love with him for the past year and a half.” You can think of nothing worse. 

“Have you ever considered the fact that maybe he thinks that the two of you are just friends because you refuse to actually show him how you feel?” Chaewon asks pointedly, eyebrows raised in disapproval. She looks about ready to walk out of the restaurant. “You never do things to give him a reason to think otherwise.”

“Why would I?” 

When your ramen arrives, Chaewon takes a deep breath, downs the rest of her glass of water, and moves on. It’s clear that if she thinks about this any more, her head will explode. 

Nothing’s ever going to change between you and Jungkook. You knew, when you first met him, that it was always going to hurt like this. That loving him was something you had to sacrifice to stay close to him. He lights up every fucking room he walks into, and it’s all you can do not to sit there and bask in his warmth. You would rather catch a single one of his rays than be in the darkness. And if being friends with him means that friends is all you’ll ever be, then so be it. You’re lucky to have him like this. Why take the plunge? 

“Just—” Chaewon says as you begin to pull apart the noodles in your own bowl. “I know that you aren’t as happy as you could be right now. And you deserve to be happy, Y/N. You deprive yourself of all of these wonderful things, and I just want you to know that you deserve every single one of them. But telling him? That’s something that even I know would make you the happiest. You shouldn’t live like this, Y/N. You have no idea what you’re missing out on if you do.”

The streak of not seeing Jungkook ends the next day, when you come back from an evening grocery store run to find him standing outside your door, hand about to knock on the wood. He’s all dressed up again, button-down and slacks, hair styled and parted, and you watch as he takes a deep breath, almost as if he’s waiting for the best time to knock. 

“Jungkook?”

He practically jumps out of his skin at the sound of your voice, nearly tripping over his own feet as he lays his eyes on you. 

“Oh, Y/N!” He exclaims. “I was just about to see if you were home.”

“You could have just texted, you know,” you say jokingly, joining him at the front door as you fumble for your keys. 

“I wanted to surprise you,” Jungkook admits sheepishly. 

“Well, make it up to me by helping me unpack these,” you demand, kicking the door open as you reach down to grab your reusable canvas bags filled with groceries. Immediately, Jungkook is leaning down to grab all of them for you, hauling them inside like they weigh nothing. You stare as he heads over to your kitchen without breaking a sweat, biceps clenching as he lifts the groceries up onto the counter. 

“What’d you get?” Jungkook asks, slowly beginning to take out the groceries. He’s in your apartment so often that he’s memorized where all of your food goes, from the correct shelf in the fridge for produce to the proper cabinet for cereal. 

“Just like… groceries. I saw a box of peppermint chocolate bars that I thought you might like, they’re in there somewhere,” you say mindlessly, pointing to a random canvas bag. Immediately, Jungkook abandons his putting-away-groceries duty to fish through each of the bags, hunting for the box of goodies. “And I got some cheap Trader Joe’s wine. You know. Just for emergencies.”

“Trader Joe’s wine and peppermint chocolate bars,” Jungkook comments, nodding in approval. He finally finds the box and tears it open sideways. “Sounds like a perfect dessert if I’ve ever heard one.”

“What, did you eat already?” You ask, busting out the wine and a couple of mugs, because you don’t own any wine glasses. Nothing says cultured like drinking seven-dollar wine out of mugs with kitschy sayings like “don’t talk to me until this is empty” or “coffee is my first love” written on them. 

Jungkook shrugs. He grabs the box and heads over to your couch, already kicking back and relaxing. “Yeah, I went to some restaurant for another double date,” Jungkook says. “It was one of those places where everything is so expensive but the portions are the size of my fist. Of your fist.”

“You sound hungry,” you note, filling up the mugs and joining him. “And mad.”

“I’m getting reimbursed for the money I spent tonight, so I suppose I could be angrier. But I’m starving. Let’s finish this entire box of chocolates and do nothing else.”

“Your words, not mine,” you say, although his proposal sounds more than appealing to you. 

You turn the television on for some background noise, switching to a channel showing old reruns of unsolved serial killer cases, because nothing sets the mood better than the words “then, slowly, he took the knife with which he killed her and began to slice away at her body”. Jungkook doesn’t seem to pay the television any attention, though, instead focused entirely on the chocolate in front of him, calling his name. 

He takes an enormous bite out of one before moaning far too sexually for your liking, tossing his head back in bliss. “Oh my God.”

“Good?”

Jungkook moans again in response.

“Please don’t orgasm on this couch. Who knows what other bodily fluids were on here before we bought it,” you ask calmly. 

“I’d say that’s nasty, but you guys did cover this with one of those couch covers, so it’s not like my body is coming into contact with other people’s body stains,” Jungkook reasons. The couch cover is the single best purchase you’ve made this entire year. Possibly your entire life. “But they’re delicious. You made a good purchase.”

“I thought you would like them,” you say. “You’re the only person I know who actually likes the combination of mint and chocolate.”

“People who say that it tastes like toothpaste are brushing their teeth with the wrong kind of toothpaste,” he tells you pointedly. “I don’t understand. This is God’s combination. It’s perfect.”

“As long as you love it, that’s all that matters,” you tell him with a pat on his back, breaking off a square of the chocolate bar for yourself. It is pretty good, even if mint chocolate ice cream does sometimes taste like toothpaste. But you’d never tell Jungkook that, of course. 

Jungkook takes a swig of the wine, picking up the mug and gulping down about half of it, the wine bitter on his tongue. “Goes great with this wine, too,” he jokes. You take a sip yourself. It’s… not very good. Actually, rather sticky. No wonder it was only seven dollars. 

“You don’t have to lie to me, I know it tastes like ass,” you tell him honestly. To be fair, you and Jungkook have both had worse. Compared to the shit served at frat parties, this may as well be beautifully-aged Malbec. 

“It only tastes a little bit like ass,” Jungkook compromises. “But it doesn’t not taste like ass.”

“Let’s finish it now so we don’t have to have any more of it later,” you decide. “You’ve probably had some of the best alcohol in your life this semester.”

Jungkook thinks back, tilting his head to the side as he begins to recall all of the instances in the past few months when he’s had anything to drink. “Soju’s still my favorite. But yeah, I’d say I’ve had wine that probably costs more than my textbooks for this semester if I hadn’t pirated them all.”

“The beauty of being a CS student,” you muse. 

“You know it,” he says, holding his half-empty mug out as a toast to himself. “But seriously, even if this Trader Joe’s wine literally tasted like garbage, it would still be better than all of that other shit.”

You turn to him, skeptical. Even the single night you spent with Chaewon, in a penthouse amongst the stars, drinking champagne and eating strawberries dipped in chocolate, was more than you could ever dream of. You woke up the next day on an air mattress in her bedroom and wanted nothing more than to go back to basking in the luxury, desperate for another taste. It was addicting. How could Jungkook ever prefer what he has right now to what he had last night? 

“Really? Don’t say that just to make me feel better,” you tell him. You can take it. Jungkook has every reason to prefer the fancy meals, the penthouses, the suits and ties to your janky little apartment and old clothes from high school. The two aren’t at all on the same level. They’re not even in the same goddamn game. If you could drop everything to have what Chaewon has, what the other girls and boys who pay for Jungkook’s company have, you would. 

“I’m not,” Jungkook tells you seriously. “I mean it. I would rather sit in your room, hunched over your tiny Switch because you lost the HDMI cord to plug it into the television, playing Mario Kart than out there, pretending to be someone I’m not.”

“But it was fun in the beginning, wasn’t it? Getting to be rich without the moral ambiguity that comes along with being part of the upper class?” You ask. It must have been. Jungkook looked so happy when he first started doing these gigs, coming back to your apartment in a state of bliss, a little tipsy from the expensive champagne and steak. He’d knock on your door and tell you all about the night, from how older businessmen handed him their cards and offered him jobs, to the hundreds of ice cream flavors you could only ever dream of eating. Everything seemed so wonderful to him.

Jungkook shrugs, pouring himself more wine. “Yeah, I guess, but it gets so old after a while. Like, no wonder Chaewon was so desperate for me to go with her that first time. It sucks the damn life out of you. You walk around and mingle and pretend that you’re the greatest person on Earth, talking about yourself and kissing up to the other people for an entire night. Honestly, sometimes it’s worse than my CS homework. And I hate that shit.”

“Chaewon mentioned that the eggplant usually tastes like foot,” you add. Jungkook nods in agreement. 

“Yeah, it does. She warned me about it the first night and I, like a fool, tried it because I usually like eggplant. And it still tasted like foot. Never again,” Jungkook says, shivering at the mere thought of it. It’s funny, actually, because you did the exact same thing. “But the food is like, the one thing I pretty much don’t have the right to complain about. It’s delicious and usually free.”

“But I hope that you’re having fun,” you tell him honestly, because you do. When you’re sitting in your room, eating two different pints of Ben & Jerry’s, you hope that Jungkook, wherever he is, whatever he’s doing, is enjoying himself more than you are. Because he deserves it. You never want there to be a time when he’s sad, when he’s unhappy or bored. Jungkook deserves to live the happiest version of life he possibly can. “I want you to enjoy yourself.”

“I do,” Jungkook says. There’s a second half to that sentence. “I do—it’s just that… It's so fake, you know? I feel like such a goddamn actor when I’m there. I get to live this extravagant lifestyle for a few hours but in return I don’t even know who I’m looking at when I look in the mirror.”

Oh?

“Like, I pretend to be this business student, when I’m not. I pretend to have millions of dollars to my name, when I don’t. I hold hands and pose for pictures with people Chaewon is vaguely familiar with and nothing, literally nothing, feels real. I don’t know.” Jungkook takes another swig from the mug. “Even the relationships I have when I’m there are fake.”

“Do you hate it that much, then?” You ask him. If it’s so awful and terrible, then why does he keep doing it? Keep dressing up and going out, holding hands with and wrapping his arm around them?

“No,” Jungkook says, sighing as he leans back into the couch. “I don’t hate it. I just—I wish I had something real afterwards to come back home to.”

Real? Like what? Like you? You aren’t real. You sit next to your best friend and pretend that everything is fine. That nothing hurts. You’ve had the biggest crush on him ever since you laid eyes on him, and you’re doing everything in your power to make sure that he’s the only one that doesn’t know. 

“That’s why I’m always coming back to your apartment afterwards,” Jungkook says. He chuckles, but it isn’t his usual laugh. It sounds forced, contrived and fake. Jaded. He opens his mouth to say something, but closes it almost immediately. Then, he breathes, long and slow. Thinks. The silence is almost unbearable. Waiting to hear what he has to say, even more so. “You’re the most genuine person I know. What we share—it’s real.”

Tonight is the least lonely you’ve felt in a long time. 

Even though Jungkook has something tonight, you aren’t aching to be by his side, desperate to spend more time with him. He told you that he was really looking forward to this one, that it wasn’t going to be some stuffy gala or blind double date. He said something about going to karaoke with the girl and her friends, singing Britney Spears songs and taking shots of soju for hours on end, screaming his voice hoarse. And even if you aren’t there with him, you’re happy because you know that he’s happy, that he’s genuinely enjoying himself. 

So, you aren’t that lonely. 

Content with the state of your life as it is, you take the night off, ready to prepare yourself for a weekend that will almost certainly consist entirely of just work. Chaewon’s voice echoes in your mind (“I know that you aren’t as happy as you could be right now,” she had told you), but it’s different now. Because you are happy. You are happy, because Jungkook’s happy. The two of you see each other just as frequently as you used to. He texts you about his terrible CS homework and the Shiba Inu he just saw being walked across campus. It’s all gone back to the way it used to be. That’s what you had wanted. 

You were prepared for this. You knew that it would eventually boil down to this, down to whether or not you could take Jungkook not knowing how you feel any longer. But right now, you don’t care. Jungkook not knowing has always been a part of your friendship. The love you hold for him, in the spaces between your bones and deep in the cracks of your heart, that has always been there. You see it, hear it, feel it, whenever you’re with him. Even when you’re not with him, it will remind you, appear in the silence, the emptiness. It will always make itself known, because it’s become a part of you. From the moment you met him, it had settled into your heart.

Staring out of the window by your living room, overlooking the ugliest parking garage on campus, you sigh. You can’t see the stars from here, not even in the dead of night, but that’s alright. There is something so peaceful about the navy blue sky. About how mysterious and unknown it is. It calms you. You put on a movie that you’ve genuinely been wanting to watch for a while, sit down in your bed, amongst your duvet and sheets, pillows and plushies, and enjoy yourself, for once. It’s a good night. 

And then, much like most aspects of your terribly convoluted, over-complicated and confusing life, it all comes crashing down. 

There’s a faint thud from outside, a soft little non-noise that you assume is coming from the street. Not wanting to interrupt your movie—she’s just about to confess, holy shit—you ignore it. It’ll go away eventually. 

Then another thud. You pause, leaning towards your window to see if you can figure out the source. Silence. You’re just about to press play, when you hear it again. And again. It gets louder and louder, making up in volume what it lacks in rhythm and order, until you realize it’s someone knocking on your door. And not just knocking casually. It’s as if someone is shoving their whole body into it, shoulders and chest and feet hitting the wood as they bang on it. 

“Y/N?”

Oh, God.

Pushing off your duvet, you tug on your slippers and wipe away the crust around your eyes as you rush towards the door. You know who’s on the other side. You’re not sure if answering it is the better or worse option. 

You’ve always had an uncanny ability to pick the latter. 

When you open the door, Jungkook, in a fancy sweater pulled over a white button down and black jeans that could almost pass for dressy slacks, is standing on the other side. 

Correction: he’s sort of standing on the other side. He nearly topples over when you pull open the door, having clearly been leaning on it, and you barely have time to reach your arms out to catch him. 

“Oh! Y/N!” Jungkook exclaims, as if he’s surprised to see you inside your own apartment. “I was hoping to see you.”

“I figured,” you tell him, laughing. You guide him inside, and even in his state he remembers to tug off his clean white sneakers, kicking them towards the shoe rack. “It’s so late, Jungkook, you should go home.” 

“No,” Jungkook whines. “I wanted to see you. I missed you.”

“We saw each other this morning, Jungkook. And this afternoon, right before you went out,” you remind him. The words go in one ear and out the other, and he pulls you in close to him, wrapping his arms around you as he presses his body against yours in a sweaty hug. His grip is tight around you as he rests his head on your shoulder, breathing you in as if you’d been gone for years. Slowly, after a few seconds, you pull away from him, a hand on his shoulder to get him to look at you through his too-long bangs, hanging over his eyes. “Hey, what’s wrong? I’m right here, don’t worry. I never left.”

“I had a lot to drink tonight,” Jungkook tells you, blinking rapidly. “Like, a lot. They just kept ordering soju and I just kept drinking it. It was really good. Have you had strawberry soju? It’s delicious.”

“I might have had it once or twice,” you fib, not able to recall having it one way or another. “Come on, sit down,” you point him towards the couch, but he refuses, clinging onto you even as you make your way towards the kitchen. “Jungkook, please, I don’t want you to hurt yourself.”

“But I missed you,” Jungkook repeats. “I missed you a lot. I thought about you the entire time I was there.”

You can’t say you didn’t do the same. 

“Next time we’ll do something together then, hey? Something really fun, like going to an arcade or bowling,” you promise him with a pat on his shoulder. “But you need to drink some water, JK. Can you please sit down?”

“No, I want to be with you,” Jungkook says like it’s nothing. Like the feeling of him wrapped around you like this, holding onto you and telling you that he misses you, that he thinks about you, doesn’t mean anything. You don’t think your heart has beaten since you opened the door to see him standing on the other side. 

(You don’t think it’s beaten since you met him. Since he came up to you on the pavement, asking you for directions. Since you told him your name, and he told you his.)

“Ah, fine, just be careful, I don’t want you to hurt yourself,” you concede, because it’s so easy to let him have his way, so easy to say yes to him. You manage to grab an empty water bottle and fill it up with what’s left in your Brita, too lazy to refill it after it’s left bone dry. Slowly, you make your way to your bedroom, out of view of the central living space, where your roommates could burst through the door at any moment and see you taking care of your drunk best friend on the sofa. 

Slowly, you settle on your bed, sitting off of the edge of it as you cajole him into drinking some water, whispering soft nothings to make sure he finishes the whole thing. 

“Does your head hurt or anything?” You ask him, already looking around for the stash of Advil you usually keep on your nightstand.

“No, no, I’m fine, Y/N, seriously,” he promises, even if you can see the glazed-over look in his eyes, the way his sweaty bangs stick to his forehead. “You’re too nice, you know? Always treating me when I show up at your place. Even when you don’t invite me.”

“You know I never mind seeing you,” you tell him. “You can come over whenever you want. I’m always here.”

“No, you’re not,” Jungkook says with a pout, and it makes you furrow your brows. When have you not been? Jungkook’s been going out to events ever since the beginning of the semester, and without fail, you’ve always been waiting for him at home, knowing he’ll turn up one way or another. Except, there was— “That one time a couple of weeks ago, I went to this crazy big gala with Eunha, there were so many people there, and I came back home afterwards and knocked on your door, and your roommates said they hadn’t seen you all day. Where were you that day?”

He had come? You didn’t know if he would. 

(Or maybe, you did. You knew he would show up at your door once he got back from that night, and selfishly, not wanting to see him after the fact, the leftover version of him, the part he leaves behind when he goes out. You knew he would be there and you couldn’t bear the thought of being the second girl he spends the night with. The other option. Maybe, you’ve known all along that you’ll never quite stack up to the girls he goes out with, and that sometimes, when you see him all dressed up while you’re in your hoodie and sweats, it reminds you is nothing more than a casual friendship.)

“I must have been out late with Chaewon that day, I’m sorry,” you apologize, letting him rest his head on your shoulder. “I didn’t know you would come.”

“I always come after my events. You know that.”

“I didn’t know if you’d remember to,” you correct. 

“I’d never forget about you,” Jungkook says, the alcohol erasing his filter. Making him honest. “I really missed you, that day. I had been waiting the entire night to see you.”

“I’ll make sure it doesn’t happen again,” you promise, and this one is for real. 

“You know, today?” Jungkook says, pulling his head back so he can get a good look at you, your eyes meeting his own. “Today, I was so sad on my way here. It was so terrible, because I was drunk and sad and I missed you.”

“You were sad? What happened?” You ask, leaning in. Jungkook? Sad? Who would do such a thing to him? Who would erase the smile on his face, his crescent eyes, and replace them with tears? 

“This girl and I, she was a lot of fun. We sang a couple duets together and we were pretty good,” he hiccups, “kept winning. It was fun. She and I talked for a long time. I definitely liked her the most out of all of the girls I’ve gone out with. Besides Chaewon, of course.”

“What happened? Did she do something you didn’t want? You know you can tell me, Jungkook,” you ask, a hand on his arm. 

“No.” Jungkook shakes his head. “I don’t know. She was fun and I was drunk. We were on our way back in the Lyft when she leaned over and kissed me. And I kissed her back, and it was kind of nice. I haven’t really kissed someone like that in a while,” Jungkook tells you. And even though you’re hearing these words from him, hearing how he had all of this fun with a girl who isn’t you, how he kissed her in the backseat of a car, you rally, blinking away the tears you can feel forming in your eyes. It’s none of your business, you tell yourself. You and Jungkook aren’t together. You don’t get to feel bad about him kissing someone else. 

“Did you like it?” You ask, each word a pin in your chest. 

“It was pretty nice,” Jungkook admits. “We, uh, we made out a bit in the back of the car until we got to her place. And then we got out of the car and she asked me if I wanted to go back with her, to her room. And—and I almost said yes.” Jungkook looks about ready to combust. At his side, his fists are clenched so hard you’re worried he’ll pop a vein. 

“There’s nothing wrong with that,” you tell him, looking him in the eyes so he knows that you don’t mind, that he can tell you these things without worry. Jungkook may be the love of your life, but he’s your best friend, first. He’s always been, before anything else, your best friend. 

“But there is!” Jungkook cries, standing up in anguish. “There is, Y/N, you don’t understand! I almost had sex with her!”

“You’re allowed to, Jungkook!” You assure him, standing up to reach out to him. 

“No, Y/N, you don’t get it,” he tells you coldly, pulling his hand away. “Why aren’t you mad? Aren’t you angry that I nearly had sex with her?”

“No, what the fuck, Jungkook, why would I be mad?” You shout back at him. “You can do whatever you want with your body, it’s not my job to police it! I’m your friend, not your mom!”

“But don’t you want to be more, Y/N?” He rounds on you. “Don’t you want to be the one kissing me, fucking me? Why aren’t you jealous?”

“Were you trying to make me jealous, Jungkook? Is that what you were trying to do? You wanted to get a reaction out of me because my best friend nearly fucked someone else and then didn’t? What the fuck, Jungkook? What do you want from me?”

“I just want you to tell me you fucking love me back!”

“Jungkook, what—”

Jungkook, eyes dark and furious, pushes you against your closet door as your lips part, feeling the breath get knocked out of your lungs. He’s so close. He’s right there, you can see him, watch as he looms over you, hands clenched in your hoodie as he presses you against the wall. And then, wordlessly, he’s leaning down, crashing your mouths together. 

Suddenly, your heart starts. You gasp into the kiss, the feeling of his mouth on top of yours. It’s fervent, hot and angry and passionate, his body against your own as your hands reach out to press against his head. You seize up at the feeling, almost as if in shock, before melting into his touch, leaning into him, desperate. You can feel his breath mixing in with your own, feel the way his chapped lips meet your overly-moisturized ones, feel how his hands drift from where they’re bunched up in the front of your hoodie to your waist, your hips, your thighs. Jungkook kisses ruthlessly, kisses like he’s trying to prove a point. Holds onto you like he’s afraid to let go. 

When you part, gasping for air, Jungkook runs a hand through his hair, blinking. 

“Jungkook, you’re drunk—” you tell him firmly, refusing to let get your hopes up if what you have in front of you is really just an intoxicated best friend. Your heart is beating miles a minute, about ready to thump right out of you, chest heaving and mouth agape. 

“That doesn’t matter,” Jungkook argues back. “Even when I’m sober I love you. Don’t tell me I’m confused because I’m drunk.”

“You show up at my place at one in the morning, tell me about how you made out with some other girl and almost slept with her just to get me angry, kiss me, and tell me not to tell you you’re confused?” You demand. “Jungkook, I’ve never been more confused in my life than right now, can you please just—”

“I love you, Y/N,” Jungkook says, and even though he’s angry, red in the face and sweaty, when he says it, it’s soft. It’s a whisper, a murmur. He says it not to convince you, but so you know. “I’ve been in love with you for so goddamn long, ever since I fucking met you. And I thought you might like me back but you never did anything about it, and so neither did I.”

“You need to go home, Jungkook,” you tell him, hiccuping. When you blink, you feel the warm tears streaming down your face. You hadn’t even noticed them. “You can’t just come into my apartment and tell me shit like that. How do you think it makes me feel?”

“Do you feel the same, Y/N?” Jungkook asks, looking you in the eyes. He’s angry, that’s for sure, but even underneath, you can see the desperation, see how he’s just waiting for an answer. 

“Go home, Jungkook. Please. Let’s talk about this when you aren’t drunk, okay? I’m confused and I need to clear my head,” you plead, pushing him towards the door. “Please, okay? Be safe, too. I’ll call Chaewon to give you a ride,” you tell him, grabbing your phone. 

Jungkook puts a hand on your wrist. “I’ll be okay, Y/N. I just… Please, tell me. Did that kiss mean anything to you?”

“Yes, it did, but Jungkook, I can’t—”

“It meant something to me, too,” he tells you firmly, lets the words sink into the air around you.  He heads for the door, pulling on his shoes. He looks so sad. “Good night, Y/N.”

You place a hand on the doorknob. “Good night, Jungkook.”

It’s barely nine in the morning the next day when a knock wakes you up. It’s soft at first, one every couple of seconds, before it gets progressively louder. Slowly, you get out of bed, trying to tame your hair as you rub the sleep from your eyes. 

“Y/N’s in her room. Is that for her? That’s so cute. Yeah, she’s probably awake. You can just knock.” It’s your roommate. 

You scramble to make your bed, pouring some water from the water bottle by your nightstand into your hand and splashing your face, wiping it away with an old t-shirt as you run towards the door, pulling it open just in time. 

On the other side is a much more tired, much less drunk Jungkook, one hand raised and about to knock, the other holding a bouquet of daisies. 

“Hey,” he says shyly, mouth breaking into a smile the moment he sees you. 

“Hey,” you say back. “Are you feeling better?”

“Yeah, head hurts like hell, though,” Jungkook says. “Can I come in?”

“Oh, yeah, s-sure, of course,” you say, stepping aside to let him into your bedroom. 

“These are for you.” Jungkook holds out the bouquet towards you, wrapped up neatly in cellophane and tied at the stems with a bow. “So you don’t have to keep Febreze-ing your room all of the time.”

“They’re beautiful, Jungkook,” you tell him, grinning as you take them from his hands. Today feels different from yesterday. It feels lighter, fresher. New. “I’m glad you’re feeling better.”

“I—” He pauses, taking a second to think, “I meant what I said, yesterday. Maybe not all of it, but. Most of it, yeah. I meant it.”

“Why did you try to make me jealous, Jungkook?” You ask him. “Why did you think that would work?”

“I don’t know,” Jungkook admits. “I shouldn’t have, and I fucked up. I just got so… so tired of waiting to see if you’d ever come around. I just wanted you to tell me. And then I guess I got so fed up that I told you instead.”

You place the bouquet on your dresser before walking towards him, reaching a hand out. “Yeah, that was a pretty big asshole move of you,” you chide, grinning to yourself. 

“I know, I’m sorry.” He sighs. 

“But I’m happy you’re here,” you tell him. “And happy that you meant what you said. Maybe it could have been said in a less angry way, but hearing it made me happy.”

“I’m happy that you’re happy.” Jungkook grins. “You’re my favorite person, Y/N.”

“When you asked me, yesterday, if that kiss meant anything to me? And I said it did?” You begin, Jungkook nodding in front of you. He’s positively beaming. “It still does. I want to do that every day, Jungkook. Every hour. Every single second for the rest of my goddamn life.”

“You do?” Jungkook asks. 

“I love you, Jeon Jungkook. From day one, it’s always been you.” You smile, and it feels like a weight has been lifted off of your shoulders. Feels like you’re fucking flying. Like you’re weightless. 

“I love you, too, Y/N. I never want to be away from your side,” he declares, and like a cheesy, rom-com movie, like the shitty novels you used to read in eighth grade, he pulls you in close and presses a kiss against your lips. Wraps his arms around your waist as he holds you tight, kisses you in the middle of your bedroom, in your hoodie and sweatpants, a bouquet of daisies on your dresser. He kisses you because he can, because for every second of every day for the rest of your goddamn life, he can kiss you, over and over and over. 

“We owe Chaewon an apology,” you tell him when you’re parted, sitting on your bed, wrapped up in each other’s arms. 

“Hell yeah we do,” Jungkook agrees. “She’s been on my ass for ages about telling you.”

“Mine too.”

“She’s such a great best friend,” Jungkook comments. “Knew all this time that her two friends were madly in love with each other and didn’t say a damn word to either of us. That’s loyalty.”

“We should do something for her, to make up for it all,” you suggest. 

“You know,” Jungkook says, grinning, “I know this guy who made bank this semester by going on fake dates with a bunch of really rich girls. Maybe he could help.”

“I know him, too,” you joke. “He’s the love of my fucking life.”

Jeon Jungkook quits his job on the ninety-eighth day of the fall semester of his sophomore year.

You know this because on the ninety-eighth day of the fall semester of your sophomore year, he comes banging on the door of your apartment shared with three other girls at 7:18PM, eighteen minutes after he normally heads out on one of his many dates. 

“Y/N!” He shouts, banging wildly on your door. You rush over to open it, letting the pasta water on the stove boil over and sizzle on the heat. He’s barely gotten in a second knock when you turn the doorknob to reveal your smiling boyfriend in his oversized hoodie.

“Don’t tell me you’re blowing someone off for me,” you say, inviting him inside. He places a kiss on your cheek on the way in, taking off his shoes and coat as you rush over to take care of the pasta.

“Me? Blowing someone off? Never,” Jungkook says, mock offended. “I actually quit the dating thing, this afternoon. A girl asked if I was free and I said that I wasn’t, because I have to go home to my girlfriend making me a meal. Don’t you love the sound of that?” He asks, pleased with himself.

“You quit? I thought you liked doing that stuff,” you say, using the spaghetti fork to move around the linguine. “Hope you’re cool with boring old pasta for your meal tonight. You could have had caviar if you hadn’t quit.”

“I don’t care, it smells so good,” Jungkook tells you, wrapping his arms around your waist as he stands behind you, watching you cook from over your shoulder. “Look at you, being all domestic and shit. It’s very cute.”

“Stop rubbing in the fact that you’re the better cook, I get it. Pasta is all I got right now.” You pout, turning down the heat as you move to pour yourselves two cups of tea. Jungkook follows you the entire way to the kettle, grip on your waist never faltering. “You can keep going on those dates, you know. I don’t mind. I get to see you in a suit when you get back, and then I get to take it off of you. It’s a win-win.”

Jungkook pinches your waist in response. “If you have a thing for suits, you can just tell me, you know. I won’t be mad.”

You turn around to whack him with the spaghetti fork. “I do not!”

“Alright, Y/N, guess I won’t wear a suit next time you call me at two in the morning—”

“I never said you couldn’t,” you interrupt, making Jungkook laugh. 

“You’re so cute, Y/N,” Jungkook coos as you begin to dish up the pasta, making sure to add peas because Jungkook loves peas with his spaghetti. “But I quit because I have enough money to sustain me for the rest of the semester. I’ll work over break and get a new job next semester when the new work-study positions open. Don’t worry about me,” he assures you. 

“But didn’t you like going out and everything? Getting dressed up and drinking fancy champagne?” You ask, setting the plates down at your dinky kitchen table, a single scented candle lit in the center. 

Jungkook thinks about it for a split second, and then he shakes his head. “Nah. I like hanging out with my girlfriend more.”

“Well, when you put it like that…” you reason with a grin. 

Jungkook laughs, leaning over the table to plop a kiss on your lips. “I love you, Y/N.”

“Yeah, you pea-eating loser,” you chide, “I love you too.”

↳ links are broken, but don’t forget to message me with any thoughts or feedback!

↳ check out the post-script drabble here!

[sweetberrysmooch]

HC: Call This The ‘Can This Man Cook’ Section

(….. I don’t think these men can cook 😔)

First post pog :D I wrote a majority of these super late at night, so please forgive and let me know of any mistakes you find <3 Also, it’s a little long lol

Characters: Dream, George, SapNap, Badboyhalo, Wilbur, Technoblade, Philza, Quackity, Fundy, Schlatt.

Warnings: None, except for a kinda risqué comment in Philza’s. Oh and I guess there’s mentions of eating meat in case someone wants the warning :3

Song Recommendation: I Love You So- The Walters

Hella fluffy! Hope you enjoy <3

From best to worst:

#1: BadBoyHalo-

Bad is the best at cooking on the server. He is the creme of the crop, absolute top one percent, king shit at cooking.

He can cook, bake, and temper chocolate perfectly, what more could you want?

His favorite to-go recipes are cheesy garlic bread and a special spicy chicken and rice recipe which he typically makes when the boys are over at his house for the night. When he’s with you he goes for something a little smoother, some mulled sweet berry cider with a smoked cod fillet, eaten under the light of candles while you quietly chat about life and your fellow friends. It’s always one of Bad’s most anticipated hangouts, and he’s very careful about planning when it comes to those days.

While he appreciates being complimented on his food or his skills, deep down he wants to have someone to cook and share his knowledge with so the cooking process becomes much richer. He’s cooked for so long and learned so much, but it means nothing if he can’t share it with another person. The moment you come to him and ask him for help on any kind of recipe, he’ll drop almost everything to help you.

Side note; he absolutely carried lunch and dinner for his fellow DTeam members. While Sapnap would mostly take over breakfast, Bad would be hounded by begging puppy looks from these adult men who couldn’t cook and kind of just sigh and get the ‘kiss the cook’ apron ready. It’s not like he hates it or anything, but the endearing factor kinda slips off after a few years of adult men groveling.

(Bad’s hands rest over yours, dwarfing them entirely as he helps you cut the pasta sheet straightly. “There you go!” He encourages, squeezing your hand gently and stepping away, moving back to dice the vegetables on the cutting board next to you. A comfortable silence falls, and with it comes something in Bad’s heart softening. The worries and exhaustion in his mind ease, and he slips into a contented routine of finely chopping and slicing. It’s been a while since he’s felt so calm. There’s nothing that can ruin this- 

The front door slams open. Footsteps walk in and approach the kitchen and you both hear it, 

“Baaaaaaaaad.” Bad cringes, taking a step back.

“Baaaaaaaaaaad, we’re hungry.” Sapnap. 

“Yeah Bad, feeeeeeeed uuuuuuus.” George. 

And then, from around the door frame, a white mask peeks in. Nobody says a word, but you can feel Bad deflate next to you like let go balloon. 

“It’s alright, big guy.” You laugh, grabbing his forearm and leaning up against him. His sad puppy eyes make you smile a little, and you try to reassure him. “We can hang out alone another time. Let’s keep working on the pasta.” He sighs, but still returns your smile. “Yeah, another time.”)

#2: Philza 

Sigh…. he can cook. Not quite as good as Bad can, but better than Quackity. A solid second place. It stems mainly from being so knowledgeable that he just knows and has tried so many different foods, but since he doesn't actually do much cooking, I'm making him a flaky second place.

Doesn’t mind cooking, but doesn’t love doing it either. He’s always focused on so many different things that he’ll forgo eating to keep working on what he’s doing. He mostly cooks for Techno and Ranboo or the few guests (you) they seem to receive. Makes great stew, and even better roasted chicken, is absolutely immaculate when it comes to cooking bird.

He didn’t teach Wilbur or Techno shit! I wish I could say it’s because he wanted to but just couldn’t, but he was literally like “hmm. Im a little busy now, maybe next year” every year!! But, this being said, if you ask him to make something with you or teach you how to cook a particular dish, he will agree to help you. Old age has really mellowed him out, and after certain events, he realizes he needs to stay a bit closer to those he cares about from now on.

He likes sweets well enough, and will always thank you for any gifts you make for him. Along with growing older, he’s had time to lose his pickiness he had in his youth. If he does end up cooking with you, he’ll prefer doing the harder recipes over easy ones. He will lose it laughing if it turns out bad, so don’t worry about any disappointment (his children make up enough of that ^^).

(“Now,” Phil starts, washing his hands quickly as you wait for him next to the cutting board. “Pufferfish needs to be prepared perfectly, or we will die when we eat it. But I don’t need to explain to you how a pufferfish works, now do I?” 

When you shake your head no, he comes up behind you, tarnished wings bound and hair pulled up in a pony tail. 

“The meat of a pufferfish is very delectable, and much better with a glass of wine.” He grins cheekily, “ If this works out well, which I’m sure it will, dinner will be delicious.” 

It falls quiet for a second, and as your hesitantly looking over the fish that may be your last, you gasp when you feel him press up against you back and rest his chin on your shoulder. “Maybe there’ll be other delicious things to eat as well,” He murmurs into you ear, before leaning back and busting out laughing. Your face feels stupidly hot. Dilfza quest activated.)

#3: Quackity-

Quackity:

Quackity can cook. I know!! I’d say he’s like the third best cooker on the list. And he’s not half bad at baking either.

He likes making up stupid bad recipes and trying them out with you, even if at the end of it the one of you up chucks your damned creations the hour after. Despite his reigning need for chaos though, he knows how to make a decent amount of recipes and strives for praise when he’s actually putting forward effort. He’ll arrange little dinner dates (“A handsome man and his very pretty friend, good food made by yours truly, and La Chona, what do you say, baby?”) and will sit there with a 🥺 look on his face until you tell him if you liked it or not.

He tries to act like he’s unaffected by your words, but even a small, “That was really good.” will make him turn red and giggle like a schoolgirl. He tries to play it off, but it’s easy to tell he loves the complements. Will also never tell you anything you make is bad. You are a deity descended upon  minecraft Earth and he is but your prettiest disciple who will uphold your honor and treat you like you should be treated!!!! But he’ll then promptly choose to help you with and guide you into cooking/baking better ^^; He loves you!

As for baking, he really likes making cakes because of how simple they can be. It helps calm him down when he can just slip into bake mode and follow a recipe and make something nice at the end of it. Speaking of, he also has a sweet tooth, but not quite as bad as Techno does. Any sweets or food you make for him is always eaten, and always held in high regard. Will try to entice you into feeding him 👀👀 so watch out.

(He’s doing it again. You try to avoid looking directly at the dopey lovesick smile Quackity has on his face at the moment, but as you lift the fork up, you get a better idea. 

You look at him (to which he seems to melt a little under your gaze), look at the fork, and then back to him, raising the piece of cake up to his lips. His expression turns flabbergasted and his blush deepens. 

He doesn’t seem to believe you for a second, until you nudge the cake close and flash him a smile. Then it’s like a switch has been flicked; he giggles, blushing, and eats the cake right off the fork. He’s gone back to smiling that silly smile again, this time even brighter, but it’s okay. You try to ignore the way your heart speeds up in your chest when he begs you for another piece.)

#4: Schlatt-

Another cooker~! He specializes with formal dinners more than anything else, and adores a good steak.

During his presidency, he didn’t cook very often. Quackity and you had to keep him fed through most of it, and the memory of watching you cook in his kitchen while he looked over work papers at his dining table leaves a mark on him, sealing a new crave for domesticity that he hadn’t ever wanted before.

Sometimes he would cook though. You, Quackity, and Tubbo would all gather around and eat together every once in a blue moon, when Schlatt was sober and calm. It feels tense at the table but also not in a way? Schlatt always seems to be chillest during dinner, a mix of the alcohol wearing off and the emphatic family feel that comes with Tubbo, Quackity, and you surrounding him.

He loves cake! It’s one of the few desserts he’ll eat, but you have to watch him closely or he’ll gorge himself of the treat. Indulge him and invite him to make a cake with you, and it will be one of the most interesting bakes of your life. How Schlatt got three eggs to stick to the ceiling is beyond you, but the look in his eyes tells you he’s completely fucking sober and hamming up his own cluelessness. You probably wouldn’t have even noticed if it weren’t for him hiding all the other eggs around your kitchen as well. How did he get one on the top of your door without it falling when you opened it? That’s between him and god.

Overall, a good 4th place on the list.

(“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Schlatt says, deadpanned, looking you right in the fucking eyes with an undisturbed egg sitting perfectly straight on his head. 

“Where are the eggs, Schlatt.” 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” 

“Schlatt.” 

“Yes.” 

The container you kept them in is completely empty on your kitchen counter, once full of eggs but now reduced to a desolate husk of its former glory. Speaking of former glories, your president turns around, arms crossed and stands there silently. 

You look around. Theres one in the door handle of in the pantry, another wedged between two slices of bread in your bread box, and- oh god. On the fucking ceiling. Three, stuck to the ceiling, unmovable. After a full minute of dead silence you manage a “What the fuck have you done?”, and Schlatt turns to look. 

“Oh hey. There they are.” Your mind turns into a rock, shatters, and crumbles into dust.)

#5: Dream-

Honestly if you’re looking for edible food that tastes range from ok to good Dream is your man. 5th place.

He knows a lot of ‘depression era’ type recipes just because he’s pretty homeless and his man hunts don’t allow him much time to hone his skills. Stuff like bread or mushroom stew comes easy to him after so many times of having to do it on the run. Bread is the only baking he won’t screw up.

Can cook meat well enough too, but doesn’t really do anything special to it (besides his sauces).

To elaborate: Over the unknown span of his life, he’s acquired these recipes for forgotten and questionable sauces that he’ll store in little jars and leave at your house for you to use. They’re odd, and the ingredients aren’t ever what you think might be edible, but they’re surprisingly tasty none the less. He likes to show you a new one every month or so to keep things fresh.

Pretty general about sweets, but has a severe love for chocolate, especially dark chocolate. Has never had one, but dreams about chocolate cake. It’s high on his bucket list and written another four times over.

One of his favorite things to do with you is bake, mainly because of how ruinous it always turns out. No matter your skill, Dream’s vibes decimates any luck the two of you will have while baking. It’s scientifically proven. You left the cupcakes in for a minute-JUST a minute over what they should’ve been and they came out rock solid. Dream tried to eat one anyway. Best part was watching him try to bite through the shell.)

(He thinks he’s over selling it, half-gnawing on the brown cupcake (it was supposed to be vanilla, he thought) and making stupid growls when his teeth barely break through the surface, but the feeling he gets when you start laughing hysterically next to him wipes away any negative thought he had and fills him with utter joy. 

It's very late into the night, and you’re both a little loopy, but all the while you still lean against him as you giggle, the spot tingling where your hand rests on his arm. 

His heart thumps crazily, before sinking. Oh god. He’s in love with you.)

#6: Technoblade-

Knows a lot, but very little. He can cook the meat perfectly fine, but there’s a difference between being cooked and tasting good. He doesn’t know how to season them. Salt is the bare minimum you get.

6th place ^^; sorry king.

He’s good with potatoes though. I like to think that the countless hours spent potato farming had to account for something. He likes having cheese and butter on them every once in a while, but for the most part just eats them salted like an animal. It’s practically a show to watch him eat a cooked potato in three bites without anything but salt on it.

Big man loves food though, even if he doesn’t eat like it. Steak and cooked fish are high on his list of foods, but only if it’s cooked by Philza. And eventually you fall into his “I trust to eat this from you” category as well, but he has a special place in his heart for Phil’s cooking. Rabbit stew is at the very top.

He also eats a lot, being 6’10 and 200 something pounds of muscle, gotta consume quite a bit to keep him moving.

As for the sweeter variety of food, he’s got a massive sweet tooth. The moment you make him an apple pie or honey candy or anything of the like, he’s immediately enamored with you. Sweet things are hard to come by on the smp, especially with how far out he lives, but it’s a secret weakness of his that is very easily exploitable.

(You’ll be the death of him, he thinks, watching you closely as you trudge your way through the freshly fallen snow towards his house. Your normal pack is lighter than it usually looks, and he worries that you may slip and hurt yourself on the ice before you make it to the door. But still, you keep walking until you're standing at his doorstep, fist raised to knock when he opens it for you. 

You look surprised for a second, and then a grin splits your face and his heart races. 

“I can’t stay for long,” you say, having spent at least 30 minutes to get there. “But I wanted to drop this off for you before you went out to hunt again.” 

Out of the bag, you pull another smaller leather bag and hand it to him gently. It rests heavy in his palm, and for a moment he’s sure it’s ender pearls that you’ve brought him. But still he opens it, and he’s immediately taken aback by the smooth golden candies you brought him. 

“They’re honey candies.” At this point you’re practically grinning. “I thought you might like some while I was making them last night.” 

He doesn’t have to see his own face to feel the deep blush setting in on his cheeks and ears. You…. you’re so…… sweet. You are very…. sweet, he admits to himself, and he is very not attached to you. Not at all.)

#7: Fundy and Sapnap tie.

Fundy- 

Has his old man's cluelessness but is a fast learner. He doesn’t have much time to expand his food repertoire so it’s pretty much the basic stuff that he’s eaten during the war or before that when he was younger.

He really likes cooking though, and will invite you to come cook with him for dinner or lunch if he wants to hang out. When they were together, Dream had given him an old dusty cookbook that had several recipes he hadn’t ever heard of before, so that’s where most of what he tries to make comes from. His favorite to date was a special mutton dish that he asked you to try with him on his last birthday. It was just the two of you, but he had never had so much fun before.

Doesn’t like eating fish however, there’s just some bad vibe he gets when he thinks about cooking one or catching one. (Desperately ignores the fish fucker. Desperately ignores the fish fucker. Despera-)

Loves sweet berries as treats, seeing as that’s the only sweet thing he grew up with. Not too big on other sweet flavors. Likes honey in his tea though.

7th place cooker, will get higher as he learns more dishes.

(He raises his wine high with a laugh, clinking your glass with it as you both giggle drunkenly. 

The lamb you had cooked together turned out amazing, juicy and tender and flavored with crimson fungus juice. The recipe was from an old cookbook he had, he faintly remembers telling you, hiding the fact that it was Dream’s cookbook that he was given after a particularly nasty argument. 

He doesn’t want to think about him, especially not while he’s with you. Especially not when it’s his birthday. 

So instead he ponders the trip through the nether he took with you to harvest some of the fungi, how the juice was tangy and slightly bitter, but how it had done wonders when basted onto the meat while frying. 

You had looked so happy when you two plated the dish, so proud of him, all in a way that Dream never was. 

Even now, as you tiredly smile at him from across the table, cheeks pink and eyes focused solely on the moment you were sharing, he feels at peace for once. This is what contentment felt like. Oh, how he loves you so.)

Sapnap-

Shame the shit cooker. Ok ok, he’s not as bad as some of the others on this list, but that’s just because he can make a half decent breakfast. It’s not much competition.

Bad has desperately tried to teach this boy some cooking besides eggs and toast, but the only things that seem to have stuck are mashed potatoes and grilled pork chops. Neither of which he even likes enough to make often.

He prefers fish to meat, and would eat any kind of cod you offered to him. Likes smoked salmon a lot, it’s something Bad made for him a lot when he was younger. He tries to recreate the dish, but comes up short and feels disheartened when it isn’t like Bad’s. He’d appreciate any time you took with him to learn how to make the dish, and it wholly sticks to his mind afterwards. He never forgets the experience, and treasures it very closely.

Likes not-sweet sweets. Not bitter per say, but just not very sweet. He likes chewy taffy in particular, but the old lady kind that lasts 60 years but gets hard in 6 minutes after being exposed to open air. Gotta be polite about it too, or he’ll end up embarrassed and pout for an hour.

(He’s eaten 6 of those fucking taffies since you sat down on the couch, completely straight-faced as the two of you of you listen to Dream and George talking. 

At this point you’re completely checked out of their conversation, solely focused on the taffy Sapnap keeps eating. Where does he even get those? How many does he have?? You’ve been friends with him long enough to have seen him pop a taffy every other second of the day. He seems to have a stash on him at all times tucked away, filled with paper-wrapped pastel covered sweets. 

“Want one?” Sapnap asks, holding out a light blue taffy with a little star drawn in yellow dye on the wrapper. 

“What?” Startled, you lean back a bit and realize you had been staring him down as he ate, and flush with how rude that probably seemed. 

“Want a taffy? I don’t mind sharing with you, cutie.” He winks and offers the taffy again. “....” You gaze at the taffy curiously. You’ve never seen him offer another person one of his precious taffies before. Hmm. “...Yes, thanks.” 

You take it delicately, unwrapping the wrapper and taking a bite of it experimentally. It’s very lightly sweet, soft and chewy and surprisingly pleasant. 

Sapnap watches you from the corner of his eye, softly smiling when he sees you eat the rest of it. Glad to see someone else has good tastes around here.)

#8. George-

Meager man makes a meager meal. I said what I said!!! This flatbread boy knows diddly squat, and the only things he can cook successfully are bread and mushroom soup. Which he will make. And that’s all he’ll make. Any food that isn’t that is cooked by either Bad or Dream, and he’s still picky about it.

He’ll make you the soup and bread ladies and gents. I’m not saying they’ll taste great together, but he will definitely make them for you. Anything else he’s pretty critical about, and he doesn’t care much for treats or dessert. He does occasionally like dark chocolate though, which he and Dream will beg Bad to make for them. Soon he begs you to make it for him, and then you have to go ask Bad how he makes it so George won’t complain about how it tastes different from Bads. It’s a weird situation. You make a lot of chocolate. Dream and George linger at your house for weeks on end until you get fed up and shoo them away with a broom.

To his credit, even though he can’t cook much, he’s really proud of his mushroom stew. Any time you let him cook, his go-to is his mushroom stew. He likes to feed you and know that you’re not hungry somewhere, and to top it off he gets to show you his prized dish; not Bad’s or Dream’s stew, but his. He’s cute or whateva…

(George places the bowl down in front you, stepping back and turning to grab his own, before sitting down next to you. He immediately begins to eat, and you give him a half glance as you bring the soup up to smell it. 

It… doesn’t smell that bad, actually. Not burnt, at least. You spoon some of the soup into your mouth. 

Despite all you’ve seen of George’s cooking, this is pretty well made. It’s nice and warm, and the flavors are rich and the mushrooms soft. You choose to ignore the small smile of his face next to you, and keep eating your soup quietly together.)

#9: Wilbur

Wilbur can’t cook for shit. Literally nothing. This man knows apples grow from trees and that animals are made of meat and that’s it.

You think Wilbur made any of his food when he was president or exiled or ever? Not a chance. He ate anything given to him, Tubbo and Tommy absolutely brought this man all the food they could find so he wouldn’t get eat straight trash or starve throughout the presidency. Techno slid him bare cooked potatoes in Pogtopia and he thought “oh this slaps….. this is the pinnacle of food”

Which I know, not really sexy. But! This means that the moment you feed him something a step up from a bare cooked potato he is in food heaven. He especially loves saucier kinds of foods with lots of flavor and spice to them, it’s just so fucking good. Food becomes his kryptonite after you feed this silly man.

With sweets, however, he isn’t that much of a fan. He does like those small lemon creme crackers, and you and da boys are the only ppl he’ll share them with.

(You hear him before you see him. The familiar clambering at your window draws your attention away from the pork you were dicing, and one look over your shoulder shows a disheveled but grinning Wilbur. 

“I hope I’m not too late for dinner.” He jokes, brushing off his pants before approaching you to press a kiss to your temple. Soon after that you hear another set of clambering, and two pairs of stomps reveals one Tommy and one Tubbo respectively. 

“What’s for dinner tonight, mate?” 

“Hope you don’t mind if we join in!” 

You sigh, turning back to hide your smile before they can see it.)

// Hope you enjoyed! I might write a pt2 of this later with some other ppl in it lol we’ll see :3

[honestsycrets]

Extra Hands [ Ivar x Reader, Ivar/Hvitserk Platonic ] VD7

❛ pairing | ivar/hvitserk, ivar x reader

❛ type | drabble for @youbloodymadgenius​ ‘s 1k event that I’m so, totally, late for. i’m so sorry that i’ve been slow, cat. i’ve been in a strange funk. other requests filled: you’ve never had a Valentine’s date and right, like you could do so much better. / You bet your ass I could.

❛ summary | hvitserk knows when his brother is nervous.

❛ tags | implied first date, modern ivar

“I dunno why you’re making all of these. Is that a homemade box?” 

Hvitserk picked the chocolate chunks out of Ivar’s drab vanilla cookie mix. It was the first time that he had tried this particular recipe. It was a painfully simple recipe of chocolate chip cookies, but that was the point. He made a note to use sea salt to give it some life. Who, after all, disliked chocolate chip cookies? Ivar gripped the wheels of his wheelchair, scooting himself around the kitchen. 

“Bro, this is a fuckin’ homemade box!” 

“Stop eating the dark chocolate,” Ivar lurched up, smacking his elder brother’s knuckles. Hvitserk sneaks his fingers back in to take three morsels back with him. “You’ll throw off the proportions.” 

“So what? It’s just for us, right?” 

“As if I would put this much effort into something for my brothers.” Ivar oils an ice cream scoop. He digs into the dough, scooping pieces that were-- of course, the perfect size. “It is for my woman.” 

Hvitserk about chokes on his chocolate morsels. 

“A girl?!”

“Yes, a woman, Hvitserk.” 

But you’ve never had a bitch for Valentine’s!”

“Don’t call her that,” Ivar bobs his head toward Hvitserk in a nod. He spent the better part of the afternoon in preparation for his date this evening. It was his first-- with a mother like his-- it had been previously impossible to date. But the ever-growing litany of questions that Hvitserk had for him began to pile up. 

“I gotta see this. Is she hot?” Hvitserk laughed, bouncing up and down in the question. “That why you’re making so many fuckin’ cookies? Chocolate chip cookies, thumbprint cookies, sugar cookies. Sweetheart, you can’t buy the necessities of life--err dick-- with cookies.” 

“Don’t Burton me. Why don’t you go fuck another one of your failed film students and leave me alone?” Ivar bit out. It was easier with his help, no doubt, but this was something he did with the express intention of seeing your smile. It had been years. Years that he spent changing your mind about dating your boss. He wasn’t about to ruin this now. 

Hvitserk swept the cookie sheet from the granite countertop and eased it into the oven. Ivar’s mind swims in the vast lake of his mind, wondering exactly how he could make sure that nothing went awry. It was, after all, his first date. 

“I just wanna see what she’s like. I mean, when have you brought a girl home? Suddenly you open up this publishing company, and bam, pussy.” 

Ivar looks at the other steaming cookies. They would have to cool first. His kitchen was perfumed with the scent of vanilla, almond, and delicious brown butter from the oven. Ivar eyes Hvitserk sharply, reaching for the glittery homemade box. “She’s not just pussy. She’s--” 

“Look at you being all romantic and shit.” 

“You are annoying me.” 

Sometimes, he wished he was an only child—most days. Today was one of them. His hands trembled around the box of delicate cookies. His brother’s expression was hooded for a moment before Hvitserk took the handles of his wheelchair, dragging him out of the room with nothing more but Ivar’s booming complaint. Hvitserk knew how much he hated it when he did this. It was like a mother dragging a child by the braids! 

“I’ll come check them fuckin’ cookies, don’ worry. What’re you gonna wear?” 

They come to a stop in Ivar’s room. He looks toward his crutches, settled on the wall, and decides to reach for them so that he could stand. Hvitserk rustles in his closet. He had a wealth of handsome suits-- it happened when you needed to impress a good author or attend an important meeting-- but they all seemed wrong. His practiced expression melts off his face. He thought it all through: the date, the dinner simmering on the stove, but when it came to himself. He dropped his eyes to the floor before returning Hvitserk’s look. 

“That suit, I suppose.” 

“That shit is ugly,” Hvitserk returns.

“Right, like you could do so much better,” Ivar hisses. 

 “Bet your ass I could. You gotta wear something hot. You want her to fuck you, right?”

“I told you--”  

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not jus’ some pussy. But you wanna fuck, don’t you?” 

He would be lying if he said he didn’t. Something hot ends up being some black slacks that contrast against a burgundy button-up and a tight, black vest. He feels more exposed than he has in a while when Hvitserk comes back from taking out his last batch of cookies. He likes it-- and he hates it.

“That’s hot,” Hvitserk clapped. Ivar runs his finger under the rolled-up sleeves, noting how they formed to his muscles. “No way she doesn’t fuck you.” 

“This isn’t about that.” 

“It’s Valentine’s day,” he told him. “It has to be about that.” 

His phone trills. What he hates, but truly hates, is Hvitserk’s nosiness. He lurches toward it before Ivar could even move. He produces Ivar a decent nod. “She’s beautiful,” he flicks the phone at Ivar on his way out of the room. “Has a pretty smile, too.” 

His heart pounded in leaps in his chest. You must be here; already. He’s not yet put the cookies in the box. He makes his way toward the front door with the bundle of flowers against his chest, cognizant of the sound of a scratching spatula dragging across his cookie sheet. 

Well, Hvitserk is good for something.

Ivar isn’t sure of what the etiquette for Valentine’s Day is, but he could hardly care, knocking the door open to let you in. You slip in beside him, drawing your fingers over the v of his waistcoat. 

“Is this new?” you asked. “It looks… amazing.” 

Hvitserk, of course, is skittering somewhere inside. Ivar can hear the stifled giggle marked by the painfully unapologetic, I told you I could do better. You draw your head toward the inside, peeling the edge of your mask off. You roll your ruby red lipstick in, then out, and smile at him once again. 

“Is someone inside?” 

“Sadly,” he sighs as he hands you the flowers under his arm. “That is my brother Hvitserk. I don’t expect him to stay in the kitchen long.” 

Ivar lingers on the word stay. You laugh, drawing the flowers up to inspect them more carefully. It’s a full bouquet of romantic red roses: painfully cliche, but painfully Ivar. They are his favourite shade. 

“He’s kicking me out of my own kitchen,” Hvitserk calls back. You make your way into the house, drawing the bottom of your skirt lower: if you could manage such a thing. It wasn’t necessarily short: but the slit on the side of your leg was something Ivar knew Hvitserk would point out later. 

Evidence, he’d shout. Evidence of nothing, Ivar would say back. 

Your fingers graze Ivar’s free hand, clipping around the corner where Hvitserk stood with cookie crumbling in between his fingers. Ivar’s forehead creases, the anger bubbling up in his stomach into a roiling boil. At that moment you snatch Ivar’s hand, lacing your fingers together, and throwing cool water to the boil. 

“You must be her,” Hvitserk mumbles. “Ivar’s first date.” 

“First date? Really?” He’d kill him. He’d kill him, he’d drag him out to sea, throw his body over to the bottom of the pond and-- you lean up, planting a kiss at his jawline. “I like being the first.” 

“Yes. This is my older brother Hvitserk. He likes to eat anything he can get his grubby little fingers on. Including things that I did not make for him,” Ivar returns. He leans against the cabinet and slams his crutch on the countertop. At times his brother can be overbearing. Today, like most days, Hvitserk needed his company. Unlike most days, Hvitserk doesn’t have the patience.

“Why don’t you,” he rubs his twirls his hand in a spin. “...fuck off, Hvitserk?” 

“Ivar.” 

“Don’ worry about it. He’s just all wound up because he’s brought me home a girl to meet.” He wiped his chocolates fingers over his basketball shorts and extended his hand out— “Name's Hvitserk.”

“I heard,” you smiled, bringing the hand not cupping Ivar’s hand to squeeze his bicep. “You’re Ivar’s lit agent?”

“One of them.” 

“Ain’t that like— sexual harassment?” Hvitserk folds his hand back in, quickly catching on that you’re not a touchy type. At least, not with him. Fair enough. 

“Why don’t you take a bottle of wine to your room, Hvitserk?” Ivar grumbles. 

“Ain’t that for your date?” 

“We don’t need it,” you shout.

“Huh. Well if you insist.” At last, he folds, taking the bottle and a stolen plate of food with a bounce. Although he doesn’t say anything— he has that dopey smile. He waits until the door slams behind Hvitserk to exhale an apology. Ivar began to think that he would never leave. 

“I made those cookies for you.”

Your lips curl into a smile, resting your head on his shoulder. Hvitserk hollers something from the back room about having helped— and you pat his chest. His cheeks pinken as he looks over the dinner he’s made and the cookies he baked. His nosy Hvitserk— always killing his mood. 

“Take me to your room.”

“Hm?” he asks. “You’re not hungry?”

“Not for pasta.”

Oh. For once, Hvitserk was right.

@tephi101 @alicedopey @supernaturalvikingwhore @tootie-fruity @titty-teetee @queen-see-ya-in-valhalla @ethereallysimple @deathbyarabbit @deathbyarabbit @readsalot73 @natalie-rdr @lol-haha-joke @lisinfleur @hissouthernprincess @marvelousse @dangerous-like-a-loaded-pistol @vikingsmania @wish-i-was-a-mermaid @lif3snotouttogetyou @gruffle1 @cris101071 @gold-dragon-slayer​ @babypink224221 @wonderwoman292 @naaladareia​ @beyond-the-ashes​ @generic-fangirl @chinduda @laketaj24, @peaceisadirtyword, @ly–canthrope @cris101071​ @daughterofthenight117​ @unassumingviking @ladyofsoa, @inforapound​ @winchesterwife27​ @feyrearcheron44@readsalot73 @squirrelacorngliterfarts @gold-dragon-slayer​ @medievalfangirl @sallydelys​  @bluearchersstuff​ @affectionrabbitt​ @whatamood13 @notyouraveragegirl17 @igetcarriedawaywithyou​ @unacceptabletatertots @ivarandersen @stra-vage​ @tgrrose​ @cookies186​ @learninglemni-blog @theleeshanotlouise @soiproclaim​ @msmorganforever​ @destynelseclipsa​ @soleil-dor​ @strangunddurm​ @superwolfchild-fan

[cyberneticlagomorph]

REDSTRING.BOARD.NET, a shady conspiracy theorist forum akin to somethingawful, reddit and 4chan

A hotbed for mundane humans to explore and discuss their experiences with the supernatural (real or imagined), it's become the canary in the coal mine for many secretive organizations looking for breaches in the collective charade.

It's harder than you think to find what you're looking for, the forum's a barely moderated mess oozing with crazy people who think they're sane and sane people who think they're crazy.

In the end you stumble across a thread that piques your interest. 

-----

Thread started by USER: comradewaffulz (CW) 

DATE: AUG 5th 2121 06:54

"URSUMBA/URSUMBRA ONLINE REAL?"

CW: [a video of a black rabbit shaped creature with glowing eyes looming over a child's crib, taken from the doorway to the child's bedroom]

CW: ok but, i'm not crazy right? this looks like one of the enemies from that ursumbra game everybody played back in high school?

CW: like??? there's been a spike in missing children's cases lately and when the cops go to check out the crime scenes theres always black goo around and the parents mention at least one of their kids toys is missing, thats *too* close to the main storyline to be a coincidence right

UrsumbraUnderlord (UU): [user was banned for this post, reason: unrelated]

[DELETED USER] (AG): oh my god how is a bot on here

[DELETED USER] (PR): lol get fucked

PR: but you're right CW, it is stupidly similar. if it wasn't for the fact that kids are actually disappearing i'd say it was a PR stunt.

AG: are you a PR stunt lmao

PR: shut the fuck up

AG: you'd think they'd test the goo tho

PR: maybe they have.

AG: good point…

CW: id say its weird that none of this has hit the news yet but lbr if anything on this board was in the news iit would be for the wrong reasons

PR: it'd be fucked up if the devs tried to claim this shit.

CW: but like... is this happening BECAUSE of the game or did the devs know about these creatures and make the game based on them

PR: if there's anything remotely like the game they're probably absolutely exhausted of this shit

KintsugiKitsune (KK): LOL COULD U IMAGINE?? BEING A WHOLE ASS NIGHTMARE AND SOMEONE MAKES A STUPOD GAME ABOUT U GRTTING YOUR ASS BEAT BY  A FUZZY BUNNY

KK: ID GO APESHIT TOO LOL

PR: people are going missing KK

KK: SUCKS TO BD THEM LOL

[CW has kicked/banned KK]

CW: God you suck

CW: anyway 

CW: I wonder if anything fucky has happened in game since this shit started 

PR: I mean I doubt it, that would be too on the nose right? Some true creepy pasta bullshit

CW: ok but, has anybody checked?

AG: game's basically dead, the dev team abandoned it shortly after launch cuz it wasn't making the money they hoped it would. 

AG: wasted big bucks on pop culture tie-ins for merch and item skins too

AG: if anybody still plays they've probably been around since day one

PR: I heard they quit cuz they couldn't get Server Moon to host for them

AG: por que no los dos?

AG: the original game was pretty ok for an rpgmaker project, dunno why the studio that bought it thought something that intensely personal would translate into an MMORPG though 

AG: anyway, if you wanna see if the game is borked you'd have to do it yourself CW

CW: fine, I will

-----

The last message is dated a week after the thread started and merely asks if anyone has seen comradewaffulz. 

There are no further replies or answers, no other threads on this topic.

The gap in your knowledge stares back at you like an empty eye socket and chills you to the bone.

This isn't an isolated incident, this has been going on for at least a year.

Maybe even longer.

And nobody's noticed.

You thumb the little foil packet in your hand, feeling the chip inside floating delicately in its bath of stasis gel.

You wonder if this is really worth it.

If you couldn't just… back out now and find a halfway decent lawyer to cover your ass when the Tower comes knocking. 

…but now you're curious. 

[hannahbee12719]

💌 Get to know me 💌

Tagged by the queen of compilations herself and one of my favorite blogs on this site, Ana @xjoonchildx. Thank you for the tag 💛

When is your birthday?

January 9 ❄️

What is your favorite color?

Yellow!

What’s your lucky number?

Idk that it’s lucky, but I like the number 19

Do you have any pets?

Yes! I have two cats, Pippin and Louise 😸😸

How tall are you?

Nice doctors tell me I’m 5’ but I’m really 4’11”

How many pairs of shoes do you own?

A lot lol. I love shoes! Unfortunately, all my pretty heels sit abandoned in my closet because my current job doesn’t allow them 😭

Favorite song?

I have such a hard time picking favorites because I have a lot of love in my lil heart, but gun to my head, it’s a tie between Magic Shop - BTS and Morning Comes - Delta Rae

Favorite movie?

This is even harder to pick than a song 😩 I am a huge movie lover. I’m going to have to list of few of my top faves to give the gist of it: My Neighbor Totoro, The Princess Bride, Pride & Prejudice, Emperor’s New Groove, Mary Poppins, Singin’ in the Rain, High Anxiety (any Mel Brooks movie really), You’ve Got Mail, A Mighty Wind, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone (JKR is a troll but these books and movies were my greatest escape as a child) , this list is getting so long help lol

Have you gotten into trouble with the law?

I have been pulled over a few times, but other than that, no. I’m a no-fun rule-follower who’s terrified of getting in trouble lol

What color socks are you wearing?

I’m not wearing any socks, but I have blue toe nail polish lol

Bath or shower?

Shower for getting clean. Soaking in a tub sounds really nice, but is not as nice in reality imo. I’m too short to lounge without drowning, and sitting straight up in a tub is not it when you’re over 5 years old 😅

Favorite type of music

I like lots and lots of types of music. I’m not into anything really heavy metal or country music in general. Other than that, it’s fair game for me.

How many pillows do you sleep with?

3 normal pillows and a husband pillow (like the husband style pillow that looks like the back of a chair, not my actual husband 😂) My bed is against a wall so I create a cozy little nest for myself lol.

Which position do you sleep in?

I start on my left side and sometimes end up on my right side or stomach.

What don’t you like when you’re sleeping?

Having the door open or having cold feet

What do you have for breakfast?

Typically, I have coffee and a Kind energy bar

Have you ever tried archery?

No, but I’d love to! Just for target practice/fun though. I could never be a hunter lol. I have tried ax throwing though! That was a ton of fun!

Favorite fruit

Cherries 🤤

Favorite swear word

“Fuck” simply because I use it most often

Do you have any scars?

I’d imagine that everyone has scars. I have many, but my most notable one is the one on my neck from surgery I had when I was two that makes it look like my throat was cut lol.

Are you a good liar?

Probably not lol. I’m a fairly emotive person so I feel like it’d be easy to tell.

What’s your personality type?

INFP-T - the Mediator, Type 9 Enneagram

What’s your favorite type of girl?

I feel like this question is geared towards people who are romantically attracted to women so I feel ill-equipped to answer it. When making friends, I’m generally drawn more to people who are friendly and like to laugh and/or with whom I can have an intelligent conversation.

Left or right handed?

Right handed

Favorite food?

I really enjoy a lot of food. My go-to comfort food is fried chicken so we’ll go with that.

Are you clean or messy?

I’m a messy person by nature, but I’m trying to be better about that 😅 I’d like to clarify that it’s clutter and not filth. I do clean but I can be disorganized.

Favorite foreign food?

Italian food is the first that comes to mind. Pasta and risotto and cheese is just so good 🤤 But I’ve also had really good French, Korean, and (more authentic) Chinese food that I have really, really enjoyed. I just love food lol.

How long does it take for you to get ready?

My daily routine takes 15 minutes (I shower at night). If I’m putting on a full face of make-up and doing my hair, an hour and a half lol.

Most used phrase?

Idk that I have one lol

Are you a good singer?

I would say I’m a decent singer. I had several vocal accomplishments in high school that I’m proud of, and I’ve been asked to sing solos here and there since then. I’m not highly trained or polished but I do love to sing.

Do you sing to yourself?

I put on full musicals in my car and in my shower 😂

Biggest fear?

Spiders and heights 😖

Do you like long or short hair?

On me, I like mid-length hair due to the gumdrop shape of my head and my inability to style long hair nicely lol. I wish I could pull off short hair though *sigh*

Are you into gossip?

I like being in the know, but I don’t like rumors or malicious gossip, nor do I spread anything people tell me in confidence.

Extrovert or introvert?

Friendly introvert. I’m anxious about starting conversations, but I can absolutely hold them once started. But I do need time alone to recharge after social situations.

Favorite school subject?

History! I loved it so much I got a whole degree in it lol.

What makes you nervous?

Being at a party where I don’t know anyone but the host who’s inevitably busy the whole time. That feeling of constantly being in the way in crowded areas. And phone calls lol. If you love me at all, please text me if that’s an option.

Who was your first real crush?

His name is Mike. We ended up dating for a little in 9th grade, but I was not in a good place. We did become friends again later in high school, and I think he’s a really sweet person.

How many piercings do you have?

5 - 2 in each earlobe and a helix in my right ear

How fast can you run?

Bless people who can run and love it. You won’t catch me running except when it’s down pouring and I don’t have an umbrella lol.

What makes you angry?

Cruelty, racism, phobia of any lgbtq+ people, mysogyny, anti-maskers, anti-vaxxers, purposefully selective thinking, injustice. Just don’t be a jerk.

Do you like your own name?

Yes ☺️

What are your weaknesses?

My fear of confrontation, apologizing when I shouldn’t, food lol

What are your strengths?

My big heart, my perseverance, and I’d like to think I’m good friend

What is the color of your bedspread?

White with peaches printed on it

Color of your room?

White

Tagging (only if you want to ☺️): @oenothera5, @teainthelibrary, @jikooknoona, @triviafics

[avionvadion]

Henry becoming a househusband after all his years of being a murderous dark mage is the thing I didn’t know I needed till now. Henry is basically this meme but instead of Olivia it’s Irene.(It’s the Way of the Househusband manga). I wonder how’s his food?

Also Subaki being a model would be so cool. I bet the whole family buys issues with him on it and hangs it around the house much to his embarrassment. His kids probably bring pictures with him on it to brag about it to their classmates.

Also Kaze being a teacher would be so cute. Man has a soothing and calm attitude and he can be a good one. He knows how to care for others especially with his family and lots of kids so he got experience. Also didn’t know that I needed call center Kaze. Wish I got him in a call(Whoever talks to him is lucky *swoon*)

THAT IS LITERALLY THEM. YES. 🤣

Henry won’t be allowed out of the house without someone supervising him, I swear. He has to have either one of the spouses or one of the kids with him at all times so he doesn’t kill anyone, lol. Dude probably has a little black magic YouTube channel or something to “teach” others for giggles. People wonder where all the birds come from and how he’s trained them so well.

And as long Henry has a recipe I think he’d be a decent cook. Probably gets better the more he does it. Kaze is pretty decent too, though the best chef is undeniably Subaki. Poor Irene can only make pasta and hamburgers.

As for teacher Kaze- so many single parents are gonna swoon during conferences or when they get phone calls about how their children are doing in school and whatnot. Some might even flirt, though end up crying a bit when they realize he’s married. 😂 Depending on the kids’ ages and what grade he teaches they might have their dad for their teacher.

Imagine classmates seeing Ren call Kaze “father” and being so confused because they KNOW Shion and Midori are Kaze’s kids but none of them look like Ren so is Ren adopted??? Wait, but Ren has a little sister named Caeldori. She goes around bragging about her dad all the time- and he’s a redhead! And- wait, why is Raymond walking into class and calling Kaze “dad” too? His hair is literally silver! What is going on!???

Que parents day and Irene comes in with both Subaki and Henry, and Kaze greets them cheerfully and all of the kids are just confused until it clicks when Shion and Midori, Ren, Raymond, and Caeldori all wander over excitedly to hug them. Meanwhile other kids (and parents) are just in awe because SUBAKI and also these three men are just gorgeous??? Like??? There’s no way they’re human. Right?

👀 People be throwing Irene some serious shade but she’s literally died and come back to life so she’s unphased by it. Leading an army is way scarier than some rude and jealous randos 👀

And you darn right that the fam would be hanging up Subaki posters. Little Caeldori would have her room covered in them and would show her friends all the latest magazines that he starred in- because her dad is the BEST and anyone who says otherwise is WRONG. He even made her lunch to take to school today.

On days she or the other siblings forgets their lunches Kaze shares his with them or buys them something because he’s an awesome dad too, and sometimes before lunch time hits and she doesn’t have her lunch Papa Henry comes over to the school to drop it off since she forgot. And everyone is too freaked out by Henry to tell him to leave so he justs sits at the lunch table with her and her siblings and chats away, telling them to let him know if anyone bullies them because he’ll totally curse them.

But anyway, Kaze is 10/10 best teacher (probably elementary school) Subaki is a model whose family is constantly bragging about him because they’re so proud and they love him and he’s both embarrassed but also happy by all the affection, and Henry is a very sweet househusband who does his best but can’t be trusted to not kill someone and will do everything he can to make sure no one bullies his kiddos. Meanwhile Irene is a part timer at a clothing store- not because she needs to as Kaze and Subaki rake in enough cash for all of them, but because she feels like she needs to be doing something after working so long as a summoner.

(And it’s at the mall where Henry is drinking the smoothie and draws everyone’s attention because of birds. As he was bored and wanted to visit her. Probably is carrying little Caeldori as she’s the youngest, the other kids following him like little ducklings. Maybe he’s reading a Subaki magazine. Coworkers wonder how she knows him.)

When the trio are together, everyone is blinded by their beauty 😂 Then Irene shows up and it’s like- wait, that’s a normal person.

Sort of like Ouran and Wallflower.

[thelittledeformednut]

U: I don’t do tag games I don’t want people to Know Me too much U: posts IDENTITY ASKS Anyway 3, 5, 11 blease?? <3

omg i cant believe im getting CALLED OUT in my first ever ask 😭😭 too bad id rather become a victim of identity theft than actually study 😌

3. list your fandoms and one character from each that you identify with.

pretty much only pjo. hmm probably annabeth... i did spend most of my childhood acting like i was all Logic and Reason™ only to then act purely on impulse and have emotional meltdowns ✌ also i get the feeling shes super competitive at pretty much meaningless games and i once got so excited that i was about to win at uno that i actually smashed through a chair and folded up in half - like to the point where i could lick my knees - in the hole i created... my family had to pull me out and get a whole new set of chairs to prevent it from happening again but at least i won the game

5. do you think of yourself as a human being or a human doing? do you identify yourself by the things you do?

being, definitely being. i do too much that contradicts what i say i do or wanna do to identify myself by the things i end up doing lol

11. describe your ideal day.

waking up late. but not too late cuz i like breakfast. since this is an ideal day id get omelettes. i do love most egg dishes but omelettes are something else entirely. id go catch a movie in the theatres, one ive been dying to see for forever. id pay for the normal seats but then sneak into the rich people section. theyve got some proper comfy chairs there. probably grab lunch by myself cuz i do like my solitude. then id head home and id actually get some work done cuz theres no way im procrastinating on my ideal day. dinner im not too fussy about, pasta is something i can never get tired of. after that, id go over to a friends for drinks. there wouldnt be too many people but there also be a decent crowd, so we get to actually interact with each other and get drunk together. but not too drunk either, a nice buzz, where i know i wont lose my phone again, but also drunk enough that i cant get through telling a funny story without cracking up myself. we'd then head out to this club where they practically only play 2000s pop punk and emo shit, and we can all get emotional to the dj playing wake me up when september ends bcos its not a good night until we jam to a song written about/for the singers dead father. also im a big green day fan so. we'd dance to our feet hurt and our backs ache bcos we're no longer 18 and we'd go get some overpriced late night food at the local chippie but cuz im friends with the server he sometimes gives me a discount. my friends wanna go home but its 4am and i no longer care so i talk their ears off about whatever pseudo intellectual crap comes across my mind in the early hours of the morning. my friends tease me about the 1000+ word review i once wrote for mr beans holiday so when i do finally get home, ill put that on and fall asleep to the gorgeous shots of french scenery

identity asks

[ddaengyoonmin]

-Blind To Love-

Pairing: Dom!Hoseok x Virgin!Reader. (Slightly but not really much) Taehyung x Reader

Genre: ANGST (Like really angsty), Smut, A bit of Fluff at the end.  Author also tried for humor a few times and may have failed lmao

Warnings: Oral (Female receiving); Masturbation (Male); Descriptions of Cheating; Losing Virginity; Unprotected sex; Alcohol intoxication; Mentions of being taken advantage of while intoxicated.

Songs I listened to a lot while writing: - Wicked Games- The Weekend ; Kiss land-The Weekend; Friends of friends- Manila Grey; Hurt-Oliver Tree

Word Count: 13.5k

A/N: This is my first time writing a full sex scene. Not totally sure if it was a success but we’ll see lol Let me know what you guys think! I had fun writing this.  This was based on a short drabble I had done in my ‘talking between kisses reaction set’

A Blind date your best friend set you up on goes from amazing to horrible.  Yet neither of you can get the other off your mind.  Maybe there really was something there...

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You didn’t think moving on would be easy.  Especially not as easy as your best friend Ashley was making it sound.

It had been a month since it happened.  The love of your life, you’d been with since high school had decided his was fed up with your idea of waiting to have sex with him.  You’d fought about it many times but usually it would end with his temper simmering down and him sighing an ‘I still love you y/n, I just don’t know how much longer I can wait’

You really didn’t have a good reason of why you hadn’t had sex yet, it just never seemed like the right time, something always ended up feeling off once you were close to it and you’d chicken out.  

Once you’d even screamed a “Nevermind!” Right before Jackson was about to put it in.  He was less than pleased about that, and didn’t talk to you for about a week.  You felt like shit about it but you had gotten too nervous.  You loved Jackson.  You really did.  But the vibes were always off, and you were the type of person who liked to trust your gut about things like this.

A month ago, you’d gone over to his house to surprise him with some delicious cookies you’d just baked and a dvd rental for an impromptu date night, knowing he also had the night off.  You had a spare key to his place so you let yourself in and yelled out “I brought your favorites, Me, some cookies and a…” you were cut off by a loud moan.  Wondering if he was watching porn you, giggled.   It wasn’t the first time you’d walked in on him, you went to his room to swing open the door with a joking “Caught ya!”

You weren’t expecting the disgusting sight you saw.  You sure did catch him.  On his bed, balls deep in a cute skinny brunette wearing a cheerleaders outfit.  Your jaw dropped and you wished you could unsee what you were seeing.  He was positioned with her on top rocking her hips against him squealing with pleasure.  

The worst of it all, the memory that was still stuck in your head, was when he saw you standing there.  He looked right at you, no remorse on his face, no surprise, and he just shrugged.  Almost as if to say ‘what’d you expect’ . You ran out of the room, out of that house, dropping the cookies on the floor as you left, eyes burning and tears pouring down your face.  

That was the last time you’d seen him, and you never wanted to see him again.  It had broken you.  For about a week you were a complete mess, you called in sick to work, faking the flu and just sat in your room tearing up every picture of him.  Trying your hardest to tear apart every memory from your brain with them.  

Now it was easier to bear, but you couldn’t help feeling like if you had only put out...if you had only let him, maybe he wouldn’t have had to go get it from someone else.

“That’s bullshit, he’s just a pig and probably would’ve done it anyways.” Your best friend Ashley remarked as she pushed a large chip into her mouth.  You had just told her of that theory and she was not putting up with it.  “He wasn’t entitled to anything y/n. You should be grateful you didn’t sleep with that asshole”

You bent your head down, frowning, “I guess”

“You need a good rebound” she said, shoveling down more chips.

“I do not! And be careful. You are getting crumbs all over my bed” You whined.

This was a regular night for the two of you, laying in your bed binge watching your favorite tv shows together on the tv that hung on your bedroom wall.

“You may not think you do, but trust me, it would help! Just a nice guy to take your V card so you can finally let out some of that bottled up stress” She smirked, messily crunching a chip just to tick you off.

“So it’s good I didn’t have sex with the man I was with for years, but you approve of a one night stand?

Ashley turned to you, eyes narrowing, she put a hand on either side of your face and held you so you’d look her in the eye “Exactly! Jackson, was awful, what he did was awful.  I never liked him.  You’re too good for him.  But you have neglected that puss girl.  Find a nice guy, and fuck him, and you’ll feel better.”

Your eyes bugged out of your skull and you slapped her hands away “Puss?! Puss Ashley?? Really??” you were laughing so hard tears started to form in your eyes, and she rolled into you cracking up just as hard.

Once you’d just about peed your pants you calmed yourself down, wiping your tears from the corners of your eyes.

“Seokjin has a friend I could set you up with you know.  He just came back into town after being gone for a long time. ” she suggested in a serious tone.  You considered for a moment.  Her boyfriend Seokjin was a really nice guy, him and Ashley had been together almost a year now, and you’d never seen her more happy.  Yet, just because this guy was a friend of his didn’t insure that he would be a decent guy as well.  Plus the idea of going on a date just to ‘get some’ was so not your style.

You shrugged, “I just don’t think I’m ready Ash”

She sighed in defeat.  “I just don’t see the harm in trying”

You put your hands over your face and quietly groaned “Fine fine fine fine”

Her eyes lit up, “Really??” She immediately got out her phone and started texting.

“Shit Ash, right away?”

“Yep!” She grinned and set her phone back down on the bed.  “I just texted Jin to set it up with his friend.  I thought you guys would be cute together when I met him the other day. He’s quite the gentleman, and I think you guys will really hit it off”

“Great, can we watch the show now?” you groaned

Ashley cuddled up next to you to watch the tv, mouth pulled into a wide grin due to her victory.

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You were in your bathroom putting the finishing touches on your hair and makeup before heading out.  Ashley had set the date up but didn’t tell you more than the guy’s name, she didn’t even let you see a picture of him.  “It’ll be more exciting that way! He hasn’t seen you either.  Just make sure you get him home after and take care of your little issue there” She had giggled and winked when telling you.

You had sighed and told her you still weren’t sure about it, and that you’d probably chicken out about the sex part.

But, you did think it was a good idea to go on a date and get out there again, you hadn’t fully gotten your ex off your mind and she was right that this might be a good distraction and way to get erase some of those feelings you were still clinging on to.

You had opted for a tight, short red dress with spaghetti straps that exposed your back quite a bit.  You figured that even if you decided not to try and have sex tonight it wouldn’t hurt to try and increase the chances that you could by wearing something appealing.

The taxi you had called takes you to the Italian restaurant you had been told to meet the man at.  Hoseok was his name, and besides Ash’s reassurances that he was a really nice guy, that was all you knew about him, you wondered if Ash had played up his niceness due to the fact that his looks were, in the nicest words...lacking.  Not that you were totally superficial but a pretty face definitely doesn’t hurt, especially if you end up following through with hooking up with him as Ashley insisted you should.  As you were walking into the restaurant you texted him to say you were there, he had gotten your number the night before from Seokjin so that you two could set up a time and place.  

Text From Hoseok: Hey, sorry I’m running a few minutes late, would you mind getting a table for us? I’ll be there soon

You got yourself seated at a table for two, informing the hostess another would be joining you soon.  You were brought waters and menus.  You were taking a large sip of water when a tall, jaw droppingly attractive man approached your table, “Are you Y/N?”  He asked, his voice deep and smooth.  Your eyes grew as wide as saucers at his breathtaking presence.  You almost spit all of the water you still held in your mouth onto the table, trying to save yourself from that embarrassment you swallowed it all in one big gulp, not helping save you from any embarrassment as that action caused you to start choking and coughing.

 You covered your mouth an nodded at him, appalled at yourself, for your less than ideal first impression.  

He seemed to be amused, settling himself down across from you at the table.  His dark black hair was parted down the center, wavy and styled perfectly, and he was dressed so stylishly with dark black jeans, a v neck shirt and a perfectly fitting burgundy jacket, unbuttoned.   You start to wonder whether he was a model.  You realized how much you were staring and thanked the gods that he was staring at his menu and not you.

“Have you ever been here before?” He breaks the silence and looks up at you with the corner of his mouth pulled into a slight smile.

You shook your head shyly.  

“Me either,” He replies “I do like pasta though, would you wanna each get two different ones and split them 50/50, I can’t make up my mind”

You nod at him slowly.  He’s acting so comfortable with you right away, and you can barely get yourself to form words.  You want to smack yourself in the forehead at your awkwardness with him.

He smiles “Great! We should try the shrimp alfredo, and the cream tomato and beef pasta if that sounds good to you?” He cutely cocked his head slightly to the side at his question, eyes making confident contact with yours.

You nod again, words still struggled to come out of your lips.

Hoseok chuckled “Are you always this quiet?”

“I-I’m sorry, no, I’m just nervous” You quietly managed to get out

“No need to be nervous sweetheart, you’re in good hands tonight” He winked.

You felt butterflies in your stomach, ‘sweetheart? he really isn’t shy’, you thought to yourself.

The waiter came over to the table and Hoseok ordered for you both, “And a glass of Merlot for the lady here,” he added at the end.  

“Wait what, why?” You stuttered

He laughed with a flirtatious smirk “Because, you need to loosen up a little sweetheart”

There was that sweetheart again, and the butterflies in your stomach to go with it.  

While you waited for your food Hoseok didn’t wait long to get in to asking you all about yourself, you answered most of his questions without stuttering over your words too much, telling him about your job, and your family. He listened intently to every answer, nodding his head paying full attention to every detail you gave.

Once the wine reached your table you eagerly grabbed it and chugged about half of it quickly.  Hoseok chuckled at you and shook his head. “Well that should help huh?” He lightly teased.

You managed a small smile “I’m so sorry, I’m not usually so awkward,”

He shrugged, “I think its cute”

Damn, he's not helping by saying things like that.  His charming flirty way of speaking was so effortless, contrasted by your awkward bumbling around so far you don’t see how he could possibly find it cute.  Yet, there was no hint of dishonestly in his voice.  

With one finger he slowly nudged your wine glass closer to you “Finish it” He ordered.

Taken aback by his boldness your eyes widen, but you can’t deny it really would help.  You take the glass to your lips drinking every last drop in the glass.  He smiled and nodded approvingly “Good girl,” He praised.  

You felt your heart flip flop in your chest at his praise.  Shyly looking down to the table.

“So,” you begin “Ashley said you were out of town for a long time and just got back,”

“Right,” He nodded “I was in New York, I stayed there to teach dance for a couple years”

“Wow! New York, that’s pretty far.  So you’re a dancer?”

The rest of the dinner was a lot more relaxed with you both exchanging personal details of your life.  You at one point when he was busy eating snuck a text under the table to Ashley

‘THANKS for not warning me how hot the guy you were setting me up with is.  I literally choked on my water when he walked up to the table’

Her reply was almost instant as if she’d been waiting for some sort of update from you on how it was going ‘Get some’ was all she said.  You rolled your eyes.

“Something up?” Hoseok said curiously, bringing his water to his lips.

“Oh no, just Ashley, checking up on me.  She’s nosy” you muttered.

Hoseok chuckled “She seems great, When I first met her she couldn’t stop talking about you and how much I’d like you if I met you”

“What?” you gasped slightly mortified. “Ugh, like I said she's really nosy, I’m sorry if she pushed you into this”

“Nobody pushes me into anything” He stated firmly “For the record I’m really glad I came, hopefully you are too?” He raised an eyebrow

“Yeah, I am” you smiled shyly at the charming man sitting across from you, his confidence never fading throughout any interaction between the two of you.  You were quite fond of everything about him, his looks and his never faltering aura of relaxedness.

When dinner was over he paid, which you tried to insist he didn’t need to.

“Nonsense” He cut off your reasonings for why you should pay for your half, and slipped his card to the waiter before you could do anything about it.

“Thank you”

“Of course, what kind of man would I be if I didn’t pay for my beautiful date’s meal on our first date”

You blushed at the endearment from him.  Getting up from the table he helped you put your coat that you had brought with you on, holding it while you turned back facing him and put and arm in each sleeve.  

“Shall I walk you to your car?” He offered

“I uh, actually took a taxi here, I forgot to call one to pick me up but I’ll do that now and it shouldn't take more than 20 minutes to get here”

He frowned and shook his head, “No, I’ll drive you home”

“You really don’t have to, I live kinda far from here”

“Which is exactly why I would be a total jerk if I let you pay for another long taxi ride home”

You could tell no wasn’t going to be an answer, and honestly spending more time with him wasn’t a bad idea.  You had decided half way through the meal you weren’t going to try and bring him home, you were already too nervous just talking to him, you couldn’t even imagine how bad you’d be in bed right now.  But the thought still intrigued you, the way his lips looked so soft and welcoming, the way his jacked was unbuttoned in a way that let you see the tight shirt clinging to his muscular chest made your core ache in a way you’d never felt before.

As he drove you home the two of you engaged in more small talk, though you weren’t totally attentive the whole time, your mind still distracted by impure thoughts of the man sitting next to you.  

Once reaching your apartment complex, with a hand on the car door, you turned to say goodbye and were met with his hungry eyes.  He was staring at your lips not letting his eyes leave your face. You could feel your heart pounding loudly in your chest.  He slowly leaned in towards you getting only inches from your face, waiting for your permission to lay his lips on yours. ‘Fuck it’ you thought.  You granted him what he was craving because oh how you were craving it too.  

Lunging forward into the kiss and grabbing the back of his neck you as you did.  The kisses were fast and sloppy like two people who were starved.  “Oh my god y/n” He gasped into your mouth “please” he groaned, lips meeting yours again and his tongue starting to lightly flick your bottom lip before pulling away slightly “will you…” he plants a few more quick sloppy kisses on you, then through his pants you could hear... “please, will you invite me to come in with you?”

You hesitated, not because you didn’t want to invite him in, but because you couldn’t believe this was happening, it felt surreal that this godlike man was begging YOU to invite him to your place.  You managed a small nod of your head.  He let out a soft growl planting one last kiss on your lips before pulling into a parking space quickly, and rushing to your side of the car to open the door for you.

It felt like time was moving too slowly as you hand in hand led him to your apartment.  The key couldn’t turn in the lock fast enough, as you felt you would die of anticipation.  This was it, this was the night you would finally lose your virginity, and to HIM?  

Once inside he mumbled “You live alone?” and you confirmed yes you live alone.  Instantly he grabbed you by your waist, pressing every inch of his body against yours, his breathing strained and his eyes lustful as he trailed kisses down your neck and to the top of your chest where the fabric of your dress still hung over your breasts.  He took one of the straps from your dress and slid it down off your shoulder, pleased to see you hadn’t been wearing a bra (As the dress had a built in one, you silently thanked yourself for choosing this attire)  he groaned as he slipped the other strap off of your shoulder as well, giving him full view of your tits.  

“Wow,” he breathed heavily “So perfect” and he cupped one in his hand while bringing his face to the other to plant kisses and then to take your erect bud into his mouth, flicking his tongue against you eliciting a soft moan from your lips, while you ran your hands through his hair as he sucked and teased. He dropped to his knees, pulling your dress down further, now kissing your stomach with soft but needy kisses. He glanced up at you to see your eyes closed and head tilted back in ecstasy.  He smirked and planted another kiss right below your belly button, proud of the state you’re in, proud that he was making you feel that way.  

Hoseok slipped your dress down all the way, leaving you naked and exposed besides the lace black panties still clinging to the part of your body that was so needy for his touch.

He played with the hem of the panties, teasing you until you groaned a “Hoseok, please” At that he gently pressed a finger to your clit over the fabric and slowly drew circles, you let out a soft squeak at the sudden wave of pleasure flooding your body.

Hoseok then suddenly and harshely grabbed the panties and yanked them down to your ankles as if they were offending him, angry that they were in his way.  He smirked up at you only for a split second before diving in to your soaking core.  You could barely stay standing, your knees feeling weak as his tounge playfully licked you, flicking over your clit while he held you from behind your thighs.

“H-Hoseok” you whined,  He continued to hungrily lap up every last bit of wetness that you were giving to him.  Your hands holding his head to you gently, feeling yourself already approaching your high.

Jackson had done this for you once or twice, but never this good, you actually faked your orgasm with him one of the times just to get him to stop.  But this, you never wanted it to stop.

Hoseok could feel you approaching your finnish and he sped up his tongue, the quick figure eight movements to your clit were going to be your undoing.  

“That's it baby, come for me” he muttered into you quickly and sped up even faster than you’d thought was possible.  

“H-hoseok, I-I’m gonna, I’m…” A wave of pleasure crashed around you, you gripped his hair roughly as that lethal tongue continued it’s pace.  You couldn’t help but scream out at the feeling.  He didn’t stop until he was sure you had rode out your high, he then slowed his pace until finally bringing his lips away from you and planting one last kiss to your folds before standing up to face you.

He started to unzip his pants “I’m gonna wreck you princess, you don’t know what you’ve gotten yourself into now” He smirked darkly.  “You gonna be a good little slut for me? Take my cock in that pussy and obey my every word. I couldn’t stop myself from wanting to taste you even though I don’t think you deserved it for wearing such a revealing dress, teasing me the whole dinner.  I wanted to take you from the minute I saw you and I bet every guy in that restaurant did too. I should punish you for that,  Unfortunately I didn’t bring my paddle, I’ll have to make do with what I’ve got here. Better come up with a safeword sweetheart” His face dark and serious as he continued to undress himself.  Your eyes were wide with shock, no one had ever spoken to you like that before, he was right, you didn’t understand what you’d gotten into.  It kind of scared you, and you realized you should inform him that this was your first time...and that you really didn’t even understand this game he wanted to play with you.  It seemed to be a turn on for him to want to punish you, to want to be rough with you.  He wanted a safeword? You didn’t even know what that meant.  You felt embarrassed of your inexperience, part of you didn’t want to tell him, but you also knew he’d probably realize it pretty quickly.

He roughly grabbed your waist about to lead you to the couch and was opening his mouth to to speak, something filthy again you guessed, when you cut him off with “I’m a virgin!” oh shit, you just blurted it, no set up, no beating around the bush.  Not exactly how you meant to say that but you figured maybe he’d just say okay and you’d continue on your merry way to lovemaking.  

However that was not the case.  Hoseok instantly froze. “What” he said softly in monotone.  

“I-I’ve never had sex before, I just figured that was important to know before we...ya know, I didn’t mean to ruin the mood lets just go back to…”

But he was already pulling his pants back up over his now fading erection, zipping them up and shaking his head the whole time.  “I misread this situation, I’m not doing this” He said with some rage in his tone.  “You should’ve said that sooner” He snapped.

“I’m sorry” You stuttered, tears starting to form, mortified at his reaction.

He quickly gathered himself and without even so much as a goodbye was out the door, slamming it on his way out, and that was it, he was gone.  

You stood in shock, not wanting to chase after him after that harsh rejection you’d just recieved.  The tears forming in your eyes were now rolling down your face.  You’d blown it, maybe you shouldn’t have told him.  When you said it, he looked at you with such disgust, it was the most humiliating feeling you’d ever experienced.  There he was, worshiping you between your legs one moment, to glaring at you and rushing out the door like you had the plague the next.  

You ran to your room and collapsed into your bed sobbing into your pillow, still as naked and exposed as he’d left you when he stormed out the door.  You inner thighs still wet with the lingering reminder of the beautiful gift he’d given you. Your sobs grew louder the more you thought on it, everything was going so well, the whole night was perfect and you ruined it.  How could you get your heartbroken by a guy because you wouldn't have sex with him, only to get your heart broken by the next because you hadn’t had sex and wanted to with him.  

Your cries continued all the way until you drifted into sleep.

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“HE WHAT?” Ash’s appalled voice screamed into the phone, you had to pull it away from your ear.  

“Yeah...It was going well, but after I told him...It just all went wrong” You said somberly

“I’m gonna kill him if I see him again.  To just leave like that without a goodbye? Without an explanation, especially after you guys had already gotten pretty hot and heavy together.  I can’t believe anyone would have the nerve to do that. Y/N I’m so sorry, I wouldn’t have set you up if I knew he was going to act like such a douche about it.  I’ve heard he was a player but also quite the gentleman so I figured a guy like him would be perfect to take your V card and -SEOKJIN WE NEED TO TALK-” She interrupted her own thought to presumably scream at her probably now terrified boyfriend who had just come in the door to their shared apartment.

“Wait, Ash.  You literally set me up on this date with a player, just for a fuck? What is wrong with you?!” You yelled shocked

“Oh come on, y/n.  It wasn’t like you’re thinking.  I mean yeah I knew he probably wasn’t the type for dating, but he seemed like such a nice guy, and what you needed to get your mind off of Jackson wasn’t a new boyfriend”

You groaned loudly “Ash. I love you. But don’t do that again, and I think this is a perfect example of why not”

“Yeah, I really am sorry, do you need me to come over?” She quietly replied apologetically.

“That’d be nice, bring some ice cream.”

“Okay, I just need to tell Seokjin that his friend is a douchebag real quick and I’ll be right over”

You rolled your eyes, even though she couldn’t see. “Please spare him the details of this. I’d rather my embarrassing night not be the talk of the town.”

“Uhh okay” She answered with a tone you could tell meant she most definitely was going to give every detail to her boyfriend, and probably yell at him about Hoseok as if it was his fault too somehow just by association with the offender in question.

----------------------------------------------------------

When Ashley came over in about an hour you vented, ate icecream and got many hugs and reassurances.  As a pleasant surprise she’d also brought over tons of wine, you both had proceeded to drink almost all of it.  

“Yoush” *hiccup* “You should tell him, that he is a rude” *hiccup* “Rude scumbag, with a trash dick, and you hope it falls off” Ashley drunkenly slurred.

You giggled, equally as drunk as your friend “Ashhhh, I didn’t even see his dick”

“Well tell him that…” She thought hard with her hand to her chin “That he is bad at eating pussy and you thought of someone else the whole time”

“Yikes Ash,” you laughed, Taking another sip of wine.  “How about I just don’t talk to him ever again and lets leave it at that”

But in your drunken haze, before you had even realized what was happening, you saw Ash typing on her phone, wait, not her phone, your phone! “Ash wait no! What are you doing!”

She giggled maniacally and said “SENT” while holding her stomach and falling over with laughter.

You quickly grabbed the phone to assess the damage.

Hey hoseok, y/n here. Just wanted to say that you are a giant douchbag, and a coward. Thanks for leaving without an explaination, doucheee, -much hate, y/n

“ASH WHY” you yelled hitting her in the shoulder, quickly putting your fingers to your keyboard to try and undo what she had done

I’m really sorry, That was Ash not me. You don’t owe me an explanation.  We can just never speak about this or anything ever again.

“Why do you make things worse” You groaned at Ashley after pressing send, hoping Hoseok would just ignore the messages.

*Ding* your phone chimed.  Your stomach dropped. “Oh shit. I don’t wanna read it” you whined

Ashley took the phone and read aloud “Y/N.  I’m very sorry I left in a rush last night, I’m sorry if that hurt you, if you really want an explanation we can meet tomorrow at the coffee shop on the corner of 2nd Street at 2:00.” Ashley looked annoyed “He's really gonna try and meet up after that? What the hell is wrong with him. Don’t go y/n,”  

You nodded as if to agree with her. But your mind was racing.  He wanted to meet again, maybe you hadn’t totally blown it, maybe he had a really good reason, maybe he just ended up not feeling well, maybe he’d want to try again.  You thought hopefully, only to frown, realizing you were probably fooling yourself.  If he didn’t want you then, he wouldn’t want you now.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

It was the next day, and there you were, wearing a cute short skirt and tight fitting top, waiting at the coffee shop at 2:00.  Despite Ash’s warnings that you were setting yourself up for more hurt you couldn’t help but be curious at the excuse Hoseok was going to try to use to explain his odd behavior two nights ago.

When he walked into the shop he was just as breathtaking at the first time you’d seen him.  He was wearing gray sweatpants and a black pullover hoodie, a black beanie hanging off of his lazily styled black hair.  It was such a simple lazy look, yet he pulled it off like he was a supermodel.  It was so unfair. Just two nights ago that perfect face was buried between your legs, and seeing him now just reminded you that you’d never get to feel that heaven he’d given to you ever again.  He’d rejected you after giving you the best night you’d ever had, turning it into one of the worst you’d ever had, surprisingly maybe a close second to walking in on your ex fucking another woman.

Hoseok sat down at the table after grabbing a coffee from the counter.  He actually seemed shyer compared to the smooth talking Hoseok the first time you’d met him.  He held his coffee cup with both hands, staring down at it awkwardly.  

“Hi.” He spoke.

“Hello” you returned.

More silence.

“So…” you began, watching him as he fiddled with the lid of his cup avoiding your eyes.

“So…” he repeated after you quietly. “I should explain huh” his gaze finally lifted up to yours.  His dark eyes looking tired and lifeless. He sighed

“First, I’m sorry” he winced like that was hard for him to say, “You see, the thing is.  I like to have sex a certain type of way…” He paused. “I’m what you would call a dom, and I’m a pretty intense one, I’m assuming you don’t know what that is.   Some of the main things that means is that I like to hurt, inflict pain, or deny a woman of her orgasm over and over until shes screaming for it, it’s what I get off on and it’s the only way I have sex.  The women I have sex with are subs, and I usually have a really good eye for when someone is one.  I thought” He took a deep breath in “It seems I mistook your shy innocence for that, rather than being a virgin, I thought you were the type of girl that I usually participate in those acts with, and I thought you realized thats how I was as well.  But when you told me you were a virgin, it hit me like a ton of bricks how mistaken I was.  I would never do what I do to other girls to a virgin, you would never want your first time to be with someone like me” his voice trailed off and he hung his head looking down to the table.  “I had to leave quickly, because I was scared that even after knowing what you were...I wasn’t going to be able to hold myself back.  I was really worked up, and you were,” he stopped and looked up at you again, eyes trailing over you, a hint of the hunger from the other night showing on his face “you are, one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen in my life” He groaned “It’s not fair,  I got a taste, but I can’t have you”

Finally he paused long enough for you to get a word in.  “oh…I guess I get it.  But, maybe I’d like those things you do”

“Y/N, you don’t know what you’re saying.  You don’t even know the things I wanted, and still want to do to you” his voice strained as he spoke.

“You’re right, I don’t know, but I don’t need to be babied, I can learn, I can at least try right?”

Hoseok shook his head sternly “No, I’m not going to.  You deserve to have your first time to be with someone who cares about you, who will treat you gently and take his time, someone who wouldn’t just think of you like a sex toy.”

A sex toy? So is that how he saw you, is that how he views women?  Upon noticing your appalled face he points at you

“See.  This is what I mean.  If you can’t even handle me saying stuff like that you aren’t ready.  I wouldn’t treat you kindly.  Me eating you out was...different, I actually don’t know why I did that without getting into my dom persona yet. But I assure you that you don’t deserve to be treated the way I treat women.  I can tell you are a good person, a kind woman, someone who deserves anything but this” he gestured to himself.

Your face scrunched and you pouted very obviously. He sighed and shook his head, he bit his lip as if trying to hold back from something.  

“I’ve said all I came here to say, you deserve an explanation.  You didn’t do anything wrong, its me.  I’m not ashamed of who I am or what I enjoy, but I have a rule of not participating in what I do with women who have no experience with it, let alone someone who has no experience with sex at all.  First of all because I don’t particularly enjoy teaching new subs, and secondly because you may think you’re ready for it, But I can tell you aren’t, and I’m so bad at holding back”  he almost moaned that last part.  It was evident that he still was very attracted to you, why or how you couldn’t quite understand, you’d never thought of yourself as the type of girl guys thought of as irresistible.  But Hoseok looked at you like all he wanted was to pick up right where he left off right here in the coffee shop.  

“I still think that you’re being a bit ridiculous, how do you know what I can and can’t handle” you shot out.

He stayed staring at you like he was a lion ready to pounce on his prey, “As a dom part of my role is to know what my subs can and can’t handle.  And you.” He shook his head disappointedly “You can’t handle this.  I’m afraid this is the last we’ll see of eachother y/n” He immediately stood up, walking over to you and planting a kiss on your cheek.  “I really am sorry, I hope you find someone who can treat you how you deserve” He said wincing at that thought, the thought of someone else being the one to lay in bed with you.

He sped out of the shop parking lot faster than legal, angry at himself for putting himself in such a tempting position with you.  Angry at himself for feeling a feeling he swore he’d long forgotten, jealousy was an emotion that had long been out of his list of things he’d felt.  It’d been many years since the thought of someone else with the woman he wanted made his blood boil like this.  He was used to one night stands, and if he happened to see the girl he’d slept with the night before at the same club the next night, with a different man, he felt nothing.  Mostly because he was already on the search for someone new himself.  In fact, meeting you at the coffee shop was the first time in forever that he could remember meeting with a woman he had been intimate with for a second time without it just being for another round of sex and nothing more.  He shook his head as he gripped the steering wheel so tight his knuckles were turning white.  It would fade, he’d forget you just like all the others, he told himself.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

It’d been two weeks now after being rejected by Hoseok for the second time.  You were getting dressed to head over to Ashley and Jin’s place for a party they were throwing.  Ashley was quite the social butterfly and loved throwing these large parties with drinking and dancing and the works.  You always felt slightly out of place but liked to go anyways.  

You slipped on a black skirt and tight blue shirt that you felt made your tits look incredible, then made your way to the taxi and finally arrived at Ash’s place.

You’d gotten there about an hour after the party had started, upon walking into the large space where many people were gathered you saw most seemed already many drinks in.  Loud music blaring from some speakers in the corner of the room playing some generic dance music you couldn’t help but bob your head to.

“Hey!” A voice yelled from across the room.  Ash ran over to you throwing her arms around your shoulders.  “Let's get you a drink” She grinned, obviously a few in already herself.

As you made your way to the drinks table a figure dancing in the center of the room caught your eye.  Damnit.  Why was he here.

Hoseok was dancing enthusiastically to the song playing, a tall blonde that looked like she walked straight out of a playboy magazine was pressed against him.  Her back to him and ass grinding against his front while he had his hands on her hips moving her to the music smoothly.

He happened to look up from her for just long enough to see you staring.  Shit. You thought, not wanting to make things awkward you wanted to look away, but you just couldn’t seem to.  You couldn’t help but wonder if that girl was one of those sub types he had been talking about.  Would she be giving him exactly what he wanted later tonight? The thing that he didn’t seem to think you could give…

What he did next was far too reminiscent of your least favorite memory with your ex.  Hoseok did a simple shrug and a smirk your way.  

Your blood was boiling and your eyes must’ve shown how much you didn’t appreciate that gesture since Hoseok made a ‘yikes’ face and went back to focusing on the playboy bunny looking girl in front of him.

“Earth to y/n” Ash waved a hand that was cupping a drink in your view.  You quickly grabbed it and chugged it down instantly handing it back to Ashley implying you were ready for another.

“Damn girl” She giggled “Okay, I get it, it's that kind of night”

She promptly got you another drink.  You were ready to get wasted, hoping to forget that Hoseok was here.  It hurt enough to be rejected by him, but why did he have to parade himself around in all his perfection.  You felt insignificant, your inexperience in sex drove him away.

After some dancing and a few more drinks your inhibitions had been sufficiently driven away.  You couldn’t help yourself from glancing Hoseok’s way every once in a while.   No matter how hard you were trying to just enjoy hanging out with Ashley, thoughts of him kept intruding.

When you looked this time he was on his own, his dance partner must’ve left to get a drink or gone to the bathroom.  Ashley was facing away from you dancing against Jin.

Not fully in control of your feet or your actions, you found yourself strutting over to him.  You grabbed his arm “Come here” you said angrily and dragged him into the kitchen.  His eyebrows raised in amusement, not used to anyone being this forward with him of all people.  

You let him go and he instantly crossed his arms.  “Little girl you’d better explain yourself.” he growled, yet the look of amusement hadn’t quite left his face.

You huffed, too drunk to think over your words before they spilled out “You know something.  I am quite offended that you think I’m not someone who could handle you.  Like all this-” you motioned up and down to all of him “-is some kind of special prize that I’d have gotten to have if only I was some kind of floozy or something like that” you slurred

He let out an unrestrained laugh at your words. “Holyshit you’re smashed. Okay um I-”

You cut him off “No. I don’t even want to hear it.  I wasn’t trying to say I still wanted you or something.  I’m just saying what gives you the right to act like you know me so well after one date. One and a half maybe if you count the second time you rejected me” you pouted. “Anyways, my point here is, I was thinking about what you said about me needing to lose it with someone I cared about.  And I think that's bullshit.  You don’t get an opinion on who I lose my virginity to, or how they feel about me.  You think you’re saving me or something by not being my first.  So I’m here to inform you that I’m going to go have sex. Tonight.  With some random guy out there” you whipped your arm out and pointed out to the party, losing your balance as you did and almost falling over.  “And I don’t give a shit if he cares about me or not.”

You couldn’t quite tell what was going through Hoseok’s mind.  His face had turned from amused to blank and emotionless.  You didn’t wait around for him to respond and stumbled back out to join the rest of the party.

You scanned the room for a suitable candidate and your eyes landed on an attractive man standing alone against one of the walls.  You wandered over to him

“Wanna dance” you said in your best flirtatious voice.

 The man grinned widely and excitedly pulled himself from the wall and nodded.  You grabbed his hand and pulled him out into the center of the crowd of other dancing party goers.  You instantly pressed your back against his chest and started pressing your backside into his hips, rolling them smoothly to the beat of the music the same way you’d watched the girl do with Hoseok.

“What’s your name?” he spoke into your ear, then pulled back your hair so he could softly brush his lips against your neck.

“I’m y/n. You?” you smiled softly turning your head as much as you could to face him from your position giving flirtatious doe eyes and batting your eyelashes at him.

 “Taehyung” he murmured into your ear, a soft groan only audible to you left his lips and his hands gripped your sides hard moving with them as they pressed against his now growing boner.  After dancing for a couple minutes like that you spun around to face him.  Your hands draped loosely over his shoulders, you leaned into his ear “I know a place we can go to be alone” you whispered.  

“Fuck” he inhaled sharply “Yeah, lets go” he nodded

You walked clumsily, leading him towards the halway you knew led to Ash’s guest room.  You figured she wouldn’t mind, especially since she was the one who had pushed for you to lose your V card so much.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” A voice yelled from behind you.  You whipped your head around to see Hoseok seething, standing tall and staring directly at Taehyung.

 “You’re really gonna go in there and fuck a girl who’s that drunk? That’s the type of creep you are?” He shouted at the man who you had invited into the spare room with you.   

“What the fuck man, she asked me” Taehyung spat back, putting up his hands defensively, slightly embarrassed about the scene that was being caused.

“And you feel good about that huh?” Hoseok growled, shoving the shoulder of other man hard causing him to stumble back a few steps.

“Hoseok!” You were in shock at his actions towards Taehyung.  “Hoseok, there's no fucking problem here.  I’m consenting okay.”

“Yeah man, you can step the fuck back” Taehyung hissed putting an arm around your shoulders as if to show Hoseok that he was more than allowed to be with you.  

Hoseok’s hands were balled into fists, his jaw clenched tightly and his eyes narrowed.  He shook his head and let out a low somewhat menacing chuckle.  In one swift stroke before you could even registar what was happening, Hoseok had picked you up and thrown you over his shoulder.  He walked away quickly carrying you out the door of Ash and Jin’s house.  

You started hitting your fists onto his back in protest and you could faintly hear a “What the hell man” from Taehyung as you were carried further away from the party.

Once you had reached his car Hoseok plopped you down, still holding on to you by one of your wrists he opened the passenger seat door. “In.” he commanded sternly.

“No way!” you objected “You’re acting like a psycho right now”

He tensed up at your comment, the vein in his neck throbbing “Now.” he spoke through clenched teeth.

Not wanting to escalate his anger any further you decided to give in and get in his car.  

He slammed the door after you entered and rushed to the drivers side, also slamming his own door as he sat down.

“You.” he started, shaking his head “What were you thinking”

“I think I already told you what I was thinking, remember our talk in the kitchen”

“Our talk huh” he scoffed, running his fingers through his hair in an aggressive manner.  “You mean when you pulled me in there to go off on me and didn’t even wait around for me to get a word in” he glared at you.

You started nervously pulling at your fingers in your lap.

Hoseok put the keys in the ignition and started to back out of the spot he was parked in.

“I’m taking you home” he muttered

“Are you okay to drive? We were kinda just at a party”

He rolled his eyes at you “I didn’t drink, I don’t really drink”

You now remember your date with him, he ordered you a wine but nothing besides water for himself.  You wonder why you thought he was just as drunk as you tonight.  You groaned to yourself, you’re a drunk mess currently and he's completely sober to witness it all.  You shouldn’t care, you’re overwhelmed with anger because of his actions and the fact that he for lack of a better term ‘cockblocked’ you.

You were silent the whole way home as was he.  Surprisingly he remembered exactly where you lived and didn’t ask for directions once.  

As he pulled up to your apartment complex you decided to one last time give him a piece of your mind.  

“You know I was fine right? I don’t see why it even matters to you if I sleep with someone. You totally cockblocked me and embarrassed that poor guy at the party.  He was nice.”  You glared at Hoseok.

He put the car in park and shook his head, “You’d regret it if you were this drunk for your first time”

“Again, I don’t see why that matters to you, or why you think it's any of your business anyways” you huffed.  

He didn’t look at you, staring at his steering wheel with a serious expression.  

His silence only irritated you more, “This is a decision that should be up to me.  I’m grown woman who can make her own damn choices”

He scoffed, still not turning his head to you, “Obviously you can’t because you were about to make a horrible choice”

You felt your face growing red with rage.  “Thats. Not. For. You. To. Say” you enunciated clearly, not really sure how better to get this point across to him.  He rejected you, he wasn’t your boyfriend or even your friend for that matter.  

He sighed and finally turned to make eye contact with you, his expression was softer than it had been since dragging you out of Ashley’s house.  “Look.  When I lost my virginity…” He winced at the memory “It was awful, I mean not the act itself, but it was with a woman who couldn’t have cared less about me.  I was in love with her, the only woman I’ve ever loved…” he trailed off and paused for a while.

You sat in silence waiting for him to finish explaining himself.

“She was my older brothers girlfriend.  I’d always loved her.  Sometimes she’d come over to our house even though she knew my brother wasn’t home.  I didn’t want to do anything to betray my brother, even though she begged.  One day I caved in and I let her kiss me. After that she just kept wanting more, I tried to tell her how awful it made me feel and that I would never go all the way with her.  Eventually she ended up getting me so drunk I could barely function, and she told me she was going to leave him for me if I slept with her.  I was so taken by the love I had for her that I believed her.  I barely even remember what happened I was so wasted.  But I do remember how right after we were done she laughed.  She never planned on leaving my brother, she was an awful person” he shook his head, it seemed he was almost tearing up. “My brother ended up coming home while all this was happening.  He saw me with her.  And she told him…” Hoseok took a deep breath “She told him that I forced myself on her, that I was drunk and threatened her. I still don’t talk to my brother, he never believed me.  They are married now.  And its for that exact reason I don’t trust anyone.  People are liars. And love is a lie.” He spat the last sentence out with a cold expression.

Your eyes widened.  You couldn’t believe how much Hoseok had just opened up to you.  It made it hard to be angry with him anymore in this moment.  

“I-I’m sorry that happened to you” you stuttered

He shrugged his shoulders and stared out the windshield of his car. “It’s the past.  But sometimes it does still bother me.  I swore I’d never fall in love again.  And that I’d never let someone fall in love with me.  I would never let myself do what she did, taking someones virginity and tossing them aside like that.”

“Hoseok...I” you pursed your lips and debated on whether what you were about to say was too insensitive. “I’m sorry, but you do realize just because that's your story doesn’t mean that would be mine right?  Or anyone else's if they fell in love, or lost their virginity.  I’m not being tricked or deceived, and I wouldn't be broken hearted or anything if it was just a one time thing.  I get that it meant a lot to you, but I still don’t think that really gives you an excuse to tell other people what it should mean to them”

He snapped his head to you, jaw dropping at your words.  “You know you’re really dense. Don’t act like you know what you’re talking about” he hissed.

Your eyes narrowed and you immediately started getting out of his car.  “No, you’re the dense one Hoseok.  We all have sob stories in life.  Not everyone lets it ruin them for anyone else.  I’m going to lose my virginity one way or another and I’d appreciate if you stop trying to make it your business” and on that note you slammed the car door on him and rushed in to your apartment.  Leaving him to think on what you’d just said.

It honestly baffled you that because of something that happened to him he felt entitled to an opinion on your life, you wanted to show him that he was wrong.  That just because he had loved once and it went poorly didn’t mean that love was wrong.  That just because he lost his virginity and it went badly didn’t mean that everyone who is a virgin was so sensitive about how their first time went.  At this point in your life it didn’t need it to be special, you didn’t even need it to mean anything at all.  

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That night when Hoseok got back to his house he was fuming.  He knew he shouldn’t have done what he did.  You made him lose all common sense.  He was usually calm and collected, things like this didn’t get to him. He angrily tossed his keys on to his kitchen counter and stomped into his bedroom, throwing himself onto his bed and staring at the ceiling.  He knew you were right, just because he felt how he did about first times being important and special didn’t mean that anyone else had to feel that way.  He’d never pushed his opinions on someone else like that before.  But with you, it was different.  It was different because he wanted so badly for it to be him, and he hated himself for that.  He knew what type of person he was, fuck em’ then leave before they woke up in the morning type of guy.  What if you did end up liking him afterwards, that was a chance he didn’t want to take.  In his mind he was incapable of ever returning that type of feeling to anyone.  He’d never loved since that day.  

He put his hands to his face dragging them down in frustration.  He was slightly embarrassed that he’d told you about all of that, he didn’t even know why he did, he’d never told anyone about that.

What were you doing to him?  

He pulled his phone out, maybe just getting off and going to bed was all he needed to reset and pretend today didn’t happen.  He pulled up his usual genre of porn, something sub/dom related where the guy had the girl tied up and was using a vibrator on her, teasing her over and over not letting her reach her orgasm, grinning each time he deprived her of her high.  Something Hoseok had done many times with his one night stands.  

He unbuttoned his pants slipping them off and reaching his hand inside his boxers, palming his cock to warm himself up.  

Once he was hard he wrapped his hand tightly around the base of his length, slowly stroking up and down as he watched the girl in the video begging her dom to let her cum.  He loved to hear his subs beg for him.  He closed his eyes for a moment to just listen to the whining of the girl in the video, and ended up picturing you whining, tied up and begging for him, pleading for him to make you cum.  He remembered watching you cum that first night, your moans and your beautiful body.  He pumped his cock faster at that thought tossing his head back as he got closer to cumming.  He pictured you kissing him as he fingered you, moaning into his lips.  This was something usually too vanilla for him to get off on, but when he imagined it was you, somehow it was the most erotic thing he’d ever felt.  He lifted his hips slightly off the bed and moaned loudly as he reached his finnish.  His legs were slightly shaking, he wiped a bit of sweat from his forehead with his non messy hand and took a few deep breaths.  

As great as it was. He was disappointed in how that all just went. He had thought he could get his mind off of you by watching porn, but all he could think about was you.  He’d never fantasized about someone like that before, not the way that he just did now…

He took a shower and cleaned himself up.  After returning to his bed he let out a long sigh.  

Love is a lie.  Love is a lie.  Love is a lie.  A voice in his head repeated itself.

It was somewhat of a mantra of his.  And it was an easy lifestyle to stick to, most subs didn’t want anything more than sex for the night and were quick to move on to the next dom.  On the occasion where one got attached Hoseok was quick to cut ties and avoid her, it was so annoying when that happened.

Yet, why did a part of him want to keep seeing you...want to have you again and again and again.   You were driving him crazy, making him second guess everything he stood for when it came to women.  Was he starting to change his mind about letting himself have actually feelings for someone?

No.  He couldn’t.  Because if those feelings ever changed and he broke your heart, the heart of a girl who had lost her virginity to him, as his brother’s wife had done to him...he’d never be able to forgive himself.  

-----------------------------------

The next day Hoseok texted Jin and asked him to meet up at a bar that was down the road from where he lived.

When Hoseok arrived Jin was already sat down with a tall beer in front of him.  He sat down beside his friend and flagged down the bartender.  “Whiskey please.”

Seokjin’s eyes widened.  “You sure? I can’t remember the last time I’ve seen you drink anything but water!”

Hoseok nodded “I’m sure.  I need it for what I want to talk to you about”

After getting a few drinks in and having some small talk about how things were going with Jin and Ashley’s relationship, Hoseok decided to finally go to the subject he had wanted to meet up to discuss.  He told Jin about the feelings he was having about you, he didn’t quite get in to as much detail about his past as he had with you, mostly summarizing it into, ‘It just went badly when I lost mine’

Jin knew that his friend was a regular player, he’d never seen him out with the same girl twice so a lot of this was no surprise to him.  

“So you’re just scared.” Jin said

“Scared?” Hoseok scrunched his eyebrows in thought.  “I guess you could say that.”

“Hoseok I know y/n a bit, she's over at our place quite a lot.  Ashley has told me a lot about her.  I don’t know if it’s really my place to say this but I’m going to anyways.  Y/n has had her fair share of her own heartbreaks.  She was cheated on by basically the only guy she had ever been with.  Walked in on the whole thing and all that.  She was hurt but she honestly seemed to handle it well, she's a strong person.  So I think if your concern here is that just because she's a virgin that you’d be the first one to break her heart or something you’ve been beat to it.” he shrugged “But I think the bigger thing here is that you’re scared she’ll hurt you”

“What?” Hoseok looked confused at his friend

“It sounds like someone hurt you, and now to prevent that from ever happening again you’ve shut yourself off from ever getting close to letting that happen again.  I kinda get it.  Love can be scary, I don't know how I’d handle it if Ash ever broke my heart.  But those are chances you have to take, cuz if you don’t you could be missing out on the best decision of your life man.”

Hoseok thought hard about what his friend just said.  Maybe he was right.  He was scared.  This was terrifying.  The idea of either you or him getting hurt by getting involved with each other seemed too big of a risk to take.  At the same time, like Jin said, what if the risk paid off, what if for the first time in his life Hoseok could actually fall in love with someone who returned those feelings? Was it too late now?  The last time you saw him you were so mad at him.

Tomorrow he would tell you.  Tomorrow he would confess these feelings eating him up inside.

---------------------------------------

You were laying in bed watching your favorite drama, covers pulled up over your chest when you heard your doorbell ring.  It was late in the evening and usually if Ash was coming over she’d text first.

You pulled a t-shirt on over your bare chest and grabbed some loose fitting pajama shorts putting them on as you walked to the door.  You glanced through the peephole of your door to inspect the unexpected visitor.  Hoseok? You debated on pretending not to be home but decided to see what he could possibly want.

You swung the door open with a sour “What.”

His face showed he was slightly taken aback by your attitude.  Though you weren’t sure what he expected when the last time you saw him you were slamming a car door in his face.

“I- Can I come in?” he stuttered nervously.

“I guess…” You muttered.  He was acting so strange you weren’t sure if you should but decided it couldn’t hurt to see what was up with him.

He slowly stepped in, he took off the raincoat he had been wearing and held it in his hand.  He was wearing grey sweatpants and a white t-shirt, his hair seemed wet from the apparent weather you were unaware of.  You couldn’t help but take note of how handsome he looked like that, his wet hair sticking to his forehead in the most attractive way.  You tried not to let it take away from the annoyance you were feeling.

You stood with your arms crossed facing him.  “Okay...so?”

He inhaled deeply “I like you. A lot. Like...A lot. Shit um.  First I should say I’m sorry, I know you’re mad at me for the other night.  I was wrong, I just, I couldn’t bear to see you with anyone, but me” he said softly.  You were shocked and confused, you let his words hang in the air for a long time before responding.

“I don’t understand.  I thought you didn’t think of people that way, as like...your way of life or something” you slowly spoke

“I dont...I mean I didn’t. This is new, and I don’t really even know why.” He muttered “Thats a lie, I know why.  You are so…” He paused “You are perfect, the way you talk, the little things you do.  I think I fell head over heels that first night we met and I haven’t been the same since.  I don’t really know how to handle this, how to go about this.  I tried hard just to deny it was anything but that only seemed to make things worse.  Seeing you with someone else really proved to me that what I’m feeling is that I don’t ever want to see you with anyone but me.  I-” another deep breath “I don’t want to be with anyone but you” he stepped forward and grabbed your hand gently.  “I’ve always said love is a lie.  That I just didn’t believe in it.  But now I’ve realized, love is a risk.  It’s real and its terrifying, and what I feel for you scares me.”

Your eyes grew bigger the more he spoke, you tried to take in everything he’d just said.  

“I realize how much of a risk it is, especially right now.  I’m here pouring my heart out, and I don’t even know if you feel a thing for me.  You probably only wanted to fuck that first night and here I am making this out to be more than it was” He groaned “I’m so stupid, I’m sorry.  I said what I needed to say, I’m gonna go home and die from embarrassment” he shook his head, releasing your hand and starting to walk away.

“Wait!” you shot out and grabbed his hand back, pulling him to you.  “I-I actually don’t know what to say” you admitted.

He stared at you blankly for a moment, wondering what was going through your mind.  

You sighed, “I liked you right away on that date.  I mean looks wise, you are a fucking 10” you motioned up and down to him.

He broke his blank expression and chuckled.

“I’m mad at you for the other night.  But I kinda get it now, you’ve been dealing with a lot trying to make out your feelings.  I don’t really know what to think.  But, If you actually feel what you’re saying, I think you should know that I feel the same” you confessed.

And you knew you were telling the truth.  You hadn’t totally realized it until now, but even through all his strange actions towards you, you couldn’t get him out of your mind.  Him telling you that he liked you in a way he’d never thought was possible for him anymore had you floating on cloud nine.  

He grinned widely.  “You’re sure?”

You nodded shyly, now suddenly feeling self conscious about what to do next.

He stepped in close to you, reaching up and cupping the side of your face in one of his hands, tilting your head to his.  “Y/N.  Can I kiss you?” he asked in a whisper.

Without answering you leaned into him and pressed your lips to his.  You kissed slowly and passionately, different from the hungry lustful kisses that you had shared with him the first night you’d met.  He wrapped an arm around your waist, a flat hand on your back pulling you tightly into him, his other hand trailing from where it had held your chin to the back of your head.  He ran his fingers lightly through your hair as he continued planting loving kisses on your lips.  You could feel the honest emotion behind these actions.  He had meant what he said.

He obviously wasn’t just telling you what you wanted to hear to get you into bed with him or something like that, since you knew how he felt about that.  At that thought you quickly pulled back from the kiss,

“Wait...Does that mean you want to…” you trailed off.

He cocked his head to the side in confusion “Huh?”

“You want me? Like...you want to have sex with me?” you blushed as you told him what you had meant.

“Oh” he stepped back and looked at you with a serious yet caring expression.  “I do...If you want to of course.  I did think about this.” he sighed “I am going to try and hold back on a lot of my urges, hopefully one day we can get into some of the things I’m in to” he winked at you “But It will be more than pleasurable to me to have you even if it is fairly gentle compared to what I’m used to”

You cringed a little at his words.  What he’s used to...What if you weren’t enough for him.  What if it wasn’t enough for him, or you didn’t end up liking the things he wanted.  You had told him before that you would try, but now, you were nervous that if you didn’t he would reject you again and go find someone else to please him in the ways you couldn’t as your ex had done.

“Hey” he soothed, brushing a strand of your hair behind your ear, noticing your worried expression. “I’m going to enjoy it.  As long as you are enjoying it” he smiled

You nodded and nervously tugged at the bottom of your shirt, pulling it over your head and standing in front of him now completely topless.

He smirked and raised his eyebrows “Oh now?” he teased.

You covered your breasts with your arms and pouted. “Or not I guess” you mumbled

He grabbed your wrists one in each hand and gently pulled your arms back down to your sides.  

“I’m kidding.” he kissed you on your neck and moaned softly “You’re so beautiful” he whispered

He kissed you on your shoulder and trailed his kisses down until he reached one of your nipples, planting a gentle kiss on your sensitive bud.  You shuddered at the feeling, and you could feel him smile against your skin before he started to lightly suck and nip at your breasts, always keeping the one not to his lips cupped in his hand.  

He paused and brought his head up to yours “Want to go to your bedroom now?” he suggested.  

You nodded nervously.  As you guided him to your room you cursed yourself in your mind for not having a cleaner room at the moment.

Once you were in your room he glanced around quickly and chuckled “It seems very you”

“I’m not sure if that’s supposed to be a compliment but I’ll pretend it was” you laughed in return.

Suddenly he had you pulled back into a soft kiss.  “I don’t think I could ever do anything but compliment you” he kissed neck once again “or please you.  Let me make you feel good” he moaned.

You pulled back from him and grabbed the bottom of his shirt.  He lifted his arms up and let you lift it off of him.  Damn.  It almost wasn’t fair someone this perfectly sculpted existed, he put models and athletes to shame looking like he did.  You put a hand on his chest still marveling at his figure.  He grinned “Ah, it feels so good having you touch me like this” he closed his eyes as you trailed your hand over his abs.  He brought his head down onto your shoulder and nuzzled into your neck leaving a few kisses as he did.  He then took your arms and positioned them to wrap around his neck, snaking his hands down to your sides and lifting you up in the air.  His mouth again found yours, “put your legs around me.” he muttered softly between heavy kisses.  You did as he said, once your legs were wrapped around him your core was pressed into the hardness you could feel very distinctively through his sweatpants.  He placed both of his hands on your ass to help hold you up, and started rolling your hips into his front, moaning at the friction it was causing.  You felt him grow even more against you.  You ached for him to be inside of you, you didn’t know what it would be like, but you expected nothing less than heaven with how things were going so far.  

As if he was reading your mind Hoseok walked you over to your bed, gently placing you down and climbing on top of you, continuing to grind against you. “I want you so badly y/n” he moaned, bringing eyes level with yours “But you can still say no any time if you start to not like it okay?  I’m going to be gentle and try not to dom.  If I accidentally get carried away or do something you don’t like let me know.”  

You nodded and reached up to kiss him on the nose.  He beamed at that cute little action of yours.  “God damn it, if anyone else had ever done that I would’ve been so pissed.  But you.  I don’t even understand what this is that you’re doing to me” he chuckled and planted a kiss right back on your nose. He crawled off of you and stood up to take off his pants, dropping them along with his boxers to the floor casually and quickly.  Your eyes widened and you let out a small gasp, his cock was huge, and perfect, you got slightly nervous for how well you’d be able to receive his enormous member with it being your first time.  Again as if he could read your mind “I’m going to go slow okay, you’ll adjust” he reassured with a wink.

He climbed back on to the bed and locked his fingers on to the hem of your shorts and panties, rolling them both off of your body at the same time and tossing them to the floor.  He spread your legs apart with and kneeled between your thighs, palming himself with a devilish expression on his face.  He lowered himself so that his head was between your thighs, pecking light kisses getting closer and closer to...there.  You let out a gasp as he kissed your dripping center.  He did a long lick up your slit, his tongue brushing against your clit.  With one hand he spread apart your lips giving himself better access to pleasure you with his tongue.  His circling motions on your clit started off slow then got faster and faster.  With the hand that was there he took a finger and slowly inserted it inside of you.  You moaned loudly unable to contain yourself at the feeling that seemed to run over your whole body at this action of his.  “Y-yes, oh my god Hoseok” you gasped out shakily.

He purred into you, his moan vibrating against you making it feel all the more amazing.  He slowly pumped his finger in and out along with his tongue circling your clit.  After a few moments of this he inserted another finger curling it with the other one as he moved in and out of you.  

“I-I’m g-gonna” you breathed out “H-hoseok don’t stop, oh my god d-don’t stop”

Hoseok loved seeing you like this, he loved making you feel like this.  It surprised him how much he was close to cumming himself without you even touching him, just from hearing you moan and beg like this for him.  

You came hard, hips bucking up into his mouth and fingers as waves of pleasure surged through you.  He pulled back from between your legs and moved up to kiss you on the cheek.  “You are so amazing” He muttered

“Shouldn’t I be saying that to you?” you chuckled.

He let out a soft laugh and smiled shaking his head at you.

 “I think I may have had more fun than you did” he sat up and gripped his cock in on hand loosely pumping up and down his length.  “Ready? You still okay with this?” he asked

You nodded excitedly “Yes please”

“Mmm.  I love your manners baby girl” he moaned. “You’ll learn that's always a good way to make me happy.” he winked at you.  

He now hovered over you, lowering his cock to meet your entrance.  “I’m going to start slow I promise, don’t be scared to tell me if its too much”

You nodded again.  Then suddenly you felt him start to press into you, slowly, as he said he would.

 “Relax baby” he whispered and brought his hand to the top of your head, running fingers gently through your hair.  

You did your best to relax despite your nervousness.  It seemed to help.  He now was about half way into you, slowly pressing further in.  He kissed you on the cheek and checked your expression to make sure you weren’t in pain or uncomfortable.  Upon seeing that you seemed to be doing fine he pushed himself all the way in.

You let out a soft yelp.  It hurt slightly but not too unbearable.  He stopped moving and stilled for a moment letting you adjust.

 “Tell me when you want me to move” he nuzzled his face lovingly into your neck.  

“You can move Hoseok. Please move” you moaned.  

Instantly as if he had been waiting for years to hear those words from you, his hips slowly started to roll, as he moved in and out of you.  

“Fuck” he grunted out.  “You are so fucking tight wow” he gulped as he continued his slow pace.  

“You can move faster” you gasped out, loving how he felt filling you up like this.  You wanted more, you wanted to please him as he pleasured you so well.  He nodded and sat up a bit, pulling one of your legs up and wrapping it around him, adjusting himself to go faster and even deeper in to you.

He started to move his cock in and out at an accelerated pace.  You felt yourself clench around him as you started to approach another orgasm.  He definitely was able to feel you do that as instantly another “Fuck” escaped his lips.

“I-I’m gonna cum” you moaned.

Hoseok fought the urge to deny you and make you beg for it.  Another time, he told himself as he shook the thought away.  This time was all about making you feel good.  

“Cum for me baby” he softly spoke, panting with his head buried into your neck.  

At his words you felt yourself fall over the edge.  Your orgasm was all he needed to push him over as well. He quickly pulled out and pumped his cock quickly “S-shit” he stuttered, legs shaking and his face flushed with intense pleasure, his come spilling onto your stomach.  

“Woah” you muttered in awe.  “I’ve been missing out huh” you chuckled.

Hoseok collapsed onto you not minding laying in the mess he’d created on your stomach “Mmm” his breathing starting to slow down from its quickened gasps. He rolled you over with him so you both were on your sides facing each other.  He kissed you long and beautifully.  “What I feel for you...right now.” He shook his head with a smile “Y/N I really think I love you.”

You grinned back at him “Hoseok, I love you too” kissing him on his nose again.

He returned your gesture with a kiss on your forehead and then pulling your head into his chest bringing you into a tight hug.

“Mine.” he mumbled.

“Yours” you replied.

[eldritchsurveys]

1101.

1 - What have you been up to so far today? Is that a typical thing for you to do on this particular day of the week? >> I ate breakfast, watched some Youtube, and took a walk. Those are pretty typical things for me to do any day of the week.

2 - Did you get a decent night’s sleep last night? How many hour’s sleep do you consider a decent amount? >> I did. I don’t really measure it in hours, just in how I feel in the morning. It mostly depends on whether it’s consistent sleep as opposed to interrupted sleep.

3 - What is one silly thing that really gets on your nerves? >> I guess being misophonic can be seen to others as “a silly thing that gets on my nerves”. Although I certainly wouldn’t describe it that way myself.

4 - Who was the last person you saw who wasn’t family? What did you guys end up doing together? >> ---

5 - Do you prefer hot or cold drinks overall? >> I don’t have a preference overall, I just am more likely to drink hot drinks in the winter.

6 - Do you own a decent set of waterproofs? If so, what do you use them for the most? If not, do you think that would be something you’d find useful? >> I don’t even know what that is.

7 - Do you have any plans for the rest of the day? >> Nah. I mean, I’ll probably play some FFXIV later on, but it’s not a hard plan. Just a “I’ll probably be in the mood for that at some point”.

8 - How often do you get your hair cut? When hairdressers were closed due to COVID, did you try cutting it yourself at home? >> I buzz my head every couple of weeks or so. I’ve always done it myself.

9 - What did you wear the last time you left the house? Is that different to what you’re wearing at the moment? >> Sweats, a thermal shirt, a coat, and a scarf. It’s different in every way except the sweatpants.

10 - Would you rather have a relaxing beach holiday or a more active holiday in the mountains? >> I would find being in the mountains relaxing even if the activities (hiking, or whatever) were technically more strenuous. I would mostly find the beach boring, once I got my fill of watching the ocean.

11 - Do you know how to tie a tie? >> Yeah.

12 - How old were you when you first had a sleepover at someone’s house? Did you miss home? >> ---

13 - How often do you spend time with your extended family? >> ---

14 - When you get up in the morning, do you have a set routine? >> Not set in stone, no. But I do follow certain “checkpoints”, I guess? Like, getting out of bed and going to the toilet and brushing my teeth is a checkpoint; once that’s done, I’ve moved into a different part of the day.

15 - Do you remember the last time you cried? Were they sad or happy tears? >> I cry so often that I don’t even remember specific moments anymore.

16 - What do you have planned once you finish this survey? >> I haven’t decided. Part of the reason I took this survey is because after I took the one before this, I couldn’t figure out what I wanted to do next, and taking another survey was the path of least resistance, lol.

17 - What was the last thing you cooked? Did you cook from scratch or just heat something up? >> The last food item I prepared was a veggie burger that I heated in the microwave.

18 - Are you a fan of hot chocolate? Do you like it plain or do you prefer to add things like whipped cream or marshmallows? >> My answer has been “no” for almost all of my life and now that my answer is “yes” it’s so weird, lol. But yes, I have randomly stumbled into a love for hot cocoa. By which I mean just cocoa powder and milk and cinnamon and maybe a little vanilla extract and sugar.

19 - What caused your last injury? >> I don’t remember my last injury.

20 - How many tattoos and piercings do you have? Do any of them have an interesting story behind them? >> Three tattoos and three piercings (if I count each earlobe as a separate piercing). I mean, I can’t imagine not having a story behind a tattoo (piercings are easier to just pop into a place and get without really putting a whole lot of thought or effort behind it, I feel; not so with tattoos -- even stumbling into a place drunk and picking a flash art is a story to me...).

21 - What kind of flowers do you like the best? When was the last time someone bought those for you? >> Sunflowers. Sparrow’s mother sent over sunflowers and some other things in a bouquet for Thanksgiving, but I don’t really consider that as being bought for me specifically, so. I don’t know. Oh, I’m pretty sure Sparrow bought a sunflower at the farmer’s market at some point this year. So, then.

22 - What’s the smallest thing you’ve ended a relationship over? >> ---

23 - Would you rather order a starter (appetiser) or a dessert? Or would you be able to manage a full three courses? >> That depends on what I want to eat at that time? And no, I don’t usually eat three courses because that’s just too much food. Sometimes I only order an app or two, not even an entree.

24 - How do you get most of your news, if you pay attention to it at all? >> I rarely get news at all, except for what trickles down to me from other people’s discussions on social media.

25 - Have you or a member of your family been diagnosed with COVID yet? >> No.

26 - Are you a vegetarian? If so, what persuaded you to stop eating meat? If not, is it something you’d ever consider? >> I’m not a vegetarian, but I have a pretty low average meat consumption. I just prefer it this way.

27 - Do you prefer rice or pasta? >> I do eat a lot of rice, but I don’t think I prefer it over pasta or anything.

28 - Is anything you’re wearing a gift? Who bought it for you? >> No.

29 - What’s the dominant colour in the room you’re in at the moment? >> I don’t know, off-white? Because that’s what colour the walls are?

30 - Did you do laundry yet today? If not, do you need to do any before you go to bed? >> No. Saturday is laundry day.

[purplesurveys]

857

Your last ex finds out you’ve fallen in love with another person? I got back with my ex and I’ve only been ~in love~ with her, so this question doesn’t apply to me at all.

When’s the last time you were surprised? Today, because I SAW GABIE. After four goddamn months!!!!!!!!!!!! It was a big surprise to see her again, even if we did plan this out yesterday. I loved every bit of the brief time we had. Still giddy as fuck.

Would you fall apart if that last person you kissed walked out of your life? Realistically it wouldn’t be the end of the world but it would still suck and I would still be devastated, of course.

What is the last non-alcoholic beverage you had? Had water after finishing my dinner, just a few minutes ago. But I’m heating up some water so I can make coffee to drink for tonight.

Your mom finds used condoms in your room, you tell her? I’ll tell her it’s probably a prank from a friend, because it most likely would be. I’ve no reason to keep condoms, used or unused. Also I’d be pretty fucking pissed with such a prank and I’m likely to have a talk with that friend.

Do you prefer pasta salad, or coleslaw? I’d go with coleslaw, mostly because I do love it anyway and kinda because I’ve never heard of pasta salad.

Do you find smoking unattractive? I don’t find it ugly but it’s not necessarily attractive either. I don’t mind it, which is a far cry from what 18 year old anti-cigarette Robyn would’ve said.

Where’s the last place you went besides your house? I went to Gab’s house this afternoon. We played dress-up games, I bought from his dad’s small business (which sells theeee best Korean street food), she told me all about her internship and showed me the different softwares she uses, and she also introduced me to transcribing websites that can pay me a bit of money every hour because we’re both panicking about our futures hahahaha. Our activities were a bit of a rollercoaster but I fucking loved it. I was so happy for those three short hours.

If you were granted one wish, what would you wish for? I would love if I could get to dine in one of my favorite restaurants again.

Could you go for the rest of your life without drinking alcohol? Yes, I can. I’m not dependent on it and mostly drink it socially, except for the times I have bottles of soju in the fridge to drink when I’m alone and just wanna chill. Also, childhood trauma because of alcoholism in the family has made me pretty firm in my decision to not fall in too deep with my drinks.

Whose bed were you on last? Just mine.

When was the last time you changed in front of someone? March, probs? I don’t do that a lot except with my best friends.

Last person you kissed, have you cried in front of them? A few hundred times.

Do you trust all of your friends? Yes. To begin with, they’re my friends because I trust them.

Do you think the last person you kissed is nice? Yes. I don’t like it when she loses her temper because it takes a while for her to be in control of it, but 99.8% of the time she’s the nicest, sweetest, and most understanding person I know.

Does anyone call you babe? Just my girlfriend, I think.

Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months without cheating? Of course. Do you think the last person you kissed is a player? Well she’s only been with me and that’s been going on for a while, so I don’t know. We’ve had ‘what if we never got back together’ conversations though and she has told me that single!her definitely would’ve dated around and fooled around, so it’s possible that she could’ve been a player.

Could you go out in public looking like you do now? I would change my shorts. My tank top is decent; it’s actually meant to be worn outside but since it’s sleeveless and thin, I’ve taken to wearing it around the house so that I look cute here as well lol. I miss dressing up.

Do you believe exes can really ever be “just friends”? I do but I also don’t. Situation’s different for everyone.

Your ex wants you back? She did four years ago.

Would you rather love one person or have many short relationships? Just the one.

Anyone say they want to be with you forever? Mmm nope. It’s okay though, not really a fan of such dialogue. I’d rather she express this thought in different, less-cliche words.

Do you remember who you liked this time 3 months ago? Gabie.

Ever dated someone who was gorgeous but they had a conceited personality? No, I never thought of her as conceited.

Last person you had a deep conversation with? Again, Gabie. We had a brief but deep conversation about our plans for the short-term future, i.e. job-hunting, the possibility of freelancing for now, etc.

Is there a member of the opposite sex on your mind? Other than my dogs, no.

Did you reject or accept your last friend request? I ignored it for the meantime, haha. I don’t know who he is but we have tons of mutual friends apparently, so I’ll ask around to see if it’s safe to add him.

Would you prefer being locked in a room with your ex or your worst enemy? Ex, because that would also mean my current girlfriend and I’d never say no to being stuck in a room with her.

Have you kissed someone in ‘09 that means a lot to you? Didn’t kiss anyone in that year.

Do you want your ex to be happy, even if it means not being with you? I don’t have an ex but if I got into this situation with Gab it’ll be a hard-pill-to-swallow kind of situation. I’d ultimately let her go but like while I’d be bitter for a while, I would accept that it’s what she wants.

What would happen if you had a baby with the last person you kissed? That’s gonna be a huge breakthrough from a biological standpoint but I think I’d be more horrified than excited? I was traumatized enough by what happened in Eraserhead, so I’ll rush to the doctors first before celebrating lol.

Would you prefer a kiss on the cheek or neck? Neck.

Would it hurt seeing the person you last kissed kissing someone else? Yup.

If the last person you kissed bumped into you at school, what would you say? “what the fuck are you doing here”

Do you have a member of the opposite sex you can tell everything to? Andrew.

Do you believe your latest ex thinks about you? So tired of explaining the whole my-ex-is-now-my-girlfriend thing over and over lol so I might just skip questions like these if they still come up.

Has the last person you kissed, met your family? She’s met them but she’s just Gabie, Robyn’s best friend since seventh grade to my family.

Have you ever received a myspace message that made you cry? I was never active on Myspace.

Name someone whose name starts with the letter “L”: Liana, my successor in my vice-presidential position in my org.

Do you think anyone has feelings for you? Yep.

Will you fall in love in the next month? I think staying in it is more apt to say.

You’re insanely drunk stumbling through the streets, slurring songs, who are you with? While I’d let myself get to that level of drunk, I definitely wouldn’t let myself go out in public because that’s just dangerous. But to slightly answer this question, I’m willing to get irresponsibly drunk with Kate, Aya, Jo, and JM. Probably not Luisa because the last time we got drunk together she held my hand and it felt so off and I just wanted to run to Gab and cry because I was so creeped out.

Next time you will kiss someone? I have no idea. In another four months, maybe?

Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night? I think Gab. I just said I wasn’t ok and that I’ll just go to bed.

Do you like to cuddle? Only with my person.

If an ex said they hated you, you say? -

Do you know anyone who would just drop everything to come see you? No. I think that could get pretty unhealthy.

Have you ever done something you told yourself you wouldn’t do? Tons of things. I’ve stopped saying I’ll never do this and that because I always end up doing so. In the last decade I’ve joined a college org, drank alcohol, smoked a cigarette, vaped, liked smoothies...list goes on and on.

Have you ever suspected anyone of cheating on you? Nopes.

Is there someone you used to talk to every day that you don’t talk to at all? Yeah, people have come and gone. Sofie, Athenna, Macy, Chelsea, Kaira, Fern, Gabe, Agatha, Sachi, Audrey, Angel, Andi...again. List goes on.

Could you ever be friends with the person who hurt you most in life? That would be my mom, and I am at best civil with her. We have good days but they’re rare at best. I don’t see myself ending up being best friends with her many years from now.

Can you have more than one best friend? Yup, I have two.

Has anyone said they love you in the last week? Mom, dad, Gab, Angela, Angela’s mom, and a bunch of people who congratulated me when I uploaded my grad photo on social media.

Last compliment you received? My hair.

Are you starting to realize anything? Now that I’m out of school for good and off to the real world? Absolutely.

Who was the first person you talked to today? My mom because she actually woke me up -_-

Do you think you can last in a relationship for 3 months? I’ve lasted a lot longer than that.

Have you ever known someone that just creeped you out? Yes. And my intuition turned to be right because they were recently officially reported for sexual harassment.

Do you hate it when people mispronounce your name? No because I don’t know how they can possibly mispronounce it; it’s pretty straightforward. I do get misspellings a lot but I’m not annoyed a lot by it because I understandably have the less-common spelling of the name.

[periilune]

Answer all 200

damn okay you asked for it:

(this was asked a long time ago and its just being posted now bc its 200 fuckin questions f u kars jk love you)

1. What is your middle name?

Elizabeth

2. Do you have any nicknames?

Liz, Laur, Lau, Squid, Koala, Rhyne, Babe

3. Do you have any allergies?

Not to my knowledge

4. What is the longest your hair has ever been?

Too long,, like I could sit on it

5. Apple or PC?

PC

6. Favorite flavor?

In general probably some kinda cheese but for sweet stuff is cookie dough

7. Have you ever been on a blind date?

Bold of you to assume I’ve even been on a date (no I haven’t)

8. Are you friends with any of your exes?

2 of them actually!

9. What kind of car do you drive?

I can’t even drive,, but I have a Toyota Avalon waiting for me when I can

10. How grammatically correct are you when you text?

It really depends, I’m very correct when texting adults, decent when texting acquaintances, absolute disaster with good friends

11. What foreign country would you most like to visit and why?

Probs the UK or Italy, the UK bc I have several friends there and its very nice, and Italy for good food and good views

12. Creamy or chunky peanut butter?

Creamy all the way

13. Favorite food to pig out on?

Pizza

14. DC or Marvel?

Marvel!

15. Disney or Nickelodeon?

God idk,, probably Nickelodeon

16. Do you have any stickers on your laptop computer?

Yes, one from Kiawah Island (very nice place) and a couple random ones

17. Name/author of the last book you read cover to cover. Do you recommend it?

The Lost Hero by Rick Riordan, considering that was like my 3rd time reading it yeah I do

18. Do you read any magazines?

Nah

19. Coffee or tea?

Not a fan of either, I guess I’d pick coffee

20. What is your go-to Starbucks drink?

Red Velvet Frappucino

21. How many things can do with your weaker hand?

Oh You Know ;) in all honestly not much, I can catch because I used to play softball

22. Last show you binge watched?

Currently binge watching My Hero Academia!

23. Dogs or cats?

Cats

24. Favorite Disney princess?

Mulan or Moana I think

25. Do you like fast food?

Generally yeah

26. Favorite thing to cook for yourself?

Pasta and some type of garlic or cheesy or toasted bread

27. Favorite song to sing in the shower?

Currently Morning in America by John Bellion

28. Have you ever butt dialed anyone?

I don’t think so

29. iPhone/iPad or Android?

Android

30. Any styles of music you do not like?

Most country tbh, excluding John Denver n Carrie Underwood they’re both great

31. Have you ever kissed anyone of the same gender? If so, did you like it?

Not quite, but pretty close. We were dating so I’d say I liked it

32. Have you ever gotten a ticket while driving?

I can’t drive so no!

33. Favorite emoji?

💖 or 🍒 I think

34. Showers or baths?

Showers for convenience, but the occasional bath is nice to relax

35. Is there anything you regret buying?

Some clothes I have I don’t like, my fake airpods that don’t work

36. Are you fluent in more than one language?

Not yet, but I’m learning Spanish!

37. Any movie(s) you can watch over and over again and enjoy just as much every time?

Black Panther, The Last Unicorn, any of The Lord of the Rings trilogy

38. What is the heaviest you have ever weighed?

Around 155-160 pounds

39. Do you have any tattoos? If so, how many and where?

Not yet

40. Have you ever uttered a spoken hashtag?

Yep.

41. Favorite school subject?

I used to love English but not so much anymore, right now in in Psychology and its really cool tbh

42. Favorite non-chocolate candy?

Fuckin uh,, airheads are pretty good

43. Name one celebrity you dislike.

Johnny Depp is a shitty abuser.

44. If you could have one superpower, which one would you most like to have?

Telekinesis I think

45. From 1-10, rate your singing ability.

7

46. From 1-10, rate your dancing ability.

3

47. From 1-10, rate your cooking ability.

7

48. From 1-10, rate your driving ability.

1

49. Are you religious?

I’m really not sure, I was raised religious but I’m questioning a lot atm

50. Do you drink soda? If so, which one is your favorite?

Yep, I like Cherry Coke

51. Have you ever locked your keys in your car?

No, but I’ve been with someone who has

52. Spring or autumn?

Autumn

53. Do you play any sports?

Not now, but I’ve played soccer, softball, and basketball in the past

54. Can you play any musical instruments?

Nope

55. Are you more introverted or extroverted?

Introverted

56. How easily do you cry?

My dude,, so easily

57. Last musical artist you saw live?

My Lord and Savior Avi Kaplan

58. Favorite YouTube channel?

Not 2 be That person but I genuinely like Markiplier tbh

59. Star Wars or Star Trek?

Star Wars

60. How long have you known your best friend?

Well 1 of them funnily enough our moms knew each other when he was a baby and I was unborn, but we really met in 6th grade. My other best friend I met  about 3 years ago :)

61. Have you ever voted for a reality show?

I think so

62. Last CD you bought? uhhhhh maybe a pentatonix cd dunno which one 

63. Have you ever ended a romantic relationship?

Nope I’m the one who gets dumped 

64. Have you ever been broken up with? See above (3 times) 

65. Have you ever been in the audience for the taping of a TV show? Nah 

66. How long was your longest relationship? Are you still with that person?

A year and 3 months currently, and yes

67. Have you seen any Broadway plays or musicals?

Nope 

68. Have you ever acted in a play or a musical?

Yes! I’ve been in The Wizard of Oz (twice!), Little Shop of Horrors, Seussical the Musical, and the Little Mermaid 

69. How flexible are you?

Not very 

70. Have you ever sexted? Yes…  

71. Do you own any clothes from garage sales or thrift stores?

Yep 

72. Real or fake Christmas trees?

We’ve had a fake one my whole life, but I’d like to have a real one some day

73. How many pillows do you sleep with? 2-3 

74. How well can you write in cursive?

Not great, but I can get the job done 

75. What is your political affiliation?

Not officially affiliated, but rather left 

76. Do you like any boy bands?

The Backstreet Boys duh

77. Have you ever broken any bones?

Just a couple small ones in my toe 

78. Have you ever gotten any stitches?

Nah 

79. Do you have any piercings in places other than your ears?

Not yet

80. What is the oldest piece of clothing you still wear and how old is it? One of my favorite pairs of shorts is pretty old 

81.Do you like wearing hats?

Depends on the hat, I have a handful of baseball caps I like 

82. Have you ever dyed your hair?

At one point I had the tips dyed purple, but now I regularly dye it to make it slightly lighter and redder 

83. From 1-10, how competitive are you?

Like 8 probably, I’m not very athletic but I’m competitive about other things   

84. How long have you been at your current job?

Since November 2017   

85. Have you ever studied abroad?

Nope 

86. Phrase you say the most?

“Oof” 

87. Have you ever quit a job?

Nah 

88. Have you ever gotten fired from a job?

Nah 

89. Have you ever won a trophy? If so, what for?

Yes! For cheerleading competitions, 3rd place in making a video for a club, in a soccer tournament, and probably some others idk 

90. Have you ever been a Boy/Girl Scout?

I was a girl scout but that was a while ago 

91. Last thing that made you laugh?

Uhh last night some dumb meme my boyfriend showed me

92. Do you eat meat?

Yes

93. Are you more of a morning or a night person?

Night person, but I’m also old so it’s hard to stay up late

94. Worst habit?

Chewing fingernails, isolating myself from people when I’m sad

95. Deepest fear?

Uhhh that everyone who says they care about me is actually lying and talking about me behind my back

96. Do you believe in ghosts?

Yeah pretty much

97. If you could take home any animal from the zoo, what animal would you take?

An otter! I love them

98. Do you consider rapping singing?

I wouldn’t say it’s singing bc its different, but it’s certainly an art form and it has every place in the music industry

99. Favorite costume you wore for Halloween? How old were you?

When i was a ninja that was sick, i was probably 12-13

100. Favorite store to shop at?

For clothes? Maybe Plato’s Closet (nice secondhand place) but I also do a lot of online shopping

101. Have you ever given anyone CPR?

No

102. Favorite Pokémon?

Cresselia is dope but also Eevee

103. Do you own any homemade clothing?

Probably

104. Do you drink alcohol at all? If so, what is your drink of choice?

I’ve drunk once, vodka mixed with Hawaiian punch and it was p good

105. Have you ever skinny dipped?

No i’m fat

106. Favorite type of cookie?

Warm chocolate chunk

107. Favorite flavor of ice cream?

Oreo or chocolate chip cookie dough. The best thing i’ve ever had was a red velvet oreo milkshake tho

108. Biggest pet peeve?

When people interrupt or ignore me

109. Are you still friends with anyone from high school?

I mean I just graduated so yes

110. Favorite literary character?

Oohhhh, maybe Sam from LoTR? He was the realest friend ever

111. Are your birth parents still together?

Yeah

112. Do you wear or have your ever worn glasses?

Nope, 20/20 babeyyyy

113. How many of your Facebook friends do you actually hang out with?

Like 6, one of those being my mom lol

114. Have you ever been the victim of a prank?

Not that I can remember

115. Do you belong to a fraternity or a sorority?

No

116. Have you ever taken a nude selfie?

perhaps..

117. Are you adopted?

No

118. Favorite fandom?

Ugh fandoms r gross, maybe the rwby fandom? 

119. Oldest memory?

Trying to strangle myself at pre-school aged 4 lmaoooo

120. Have you ever snorted when you laughed?

A couple times

121. Can you drive stick?

Can’t drive at all!

122. Favorite Disney song?

How Far I’ll Go, or maybe Go The Distance

123. Random boy’s name.

Leo

124. Random girls’ name.

Natalie

125. How often do you eat out at a nice restaurant?

Once a month? Not often, I’ve done it twice in 3 days recently tho bc it was my birthday

126. How many people are in your nuclear family?

3, me and my parents

127. What accent do you consider the most attractive?

Gosh, not to be basic but probably British, although I don’t really know many others

128. What is your Myers-Briggs personality type?

INFP i think? Maybe INFJ

129. What is your astrological sign?

Leo! (capricorn moon and cancer rising)

130. Biggest regret?

Trying to make someone care again who had no intention of doing so

131. What type of shoes do you wear the most?

My checkered vans, I swear I wore them every day of senior year

132. Do you like any soap operas?

No

133. Do you listen to talk radio?

Not often

134. What sports team(s) do you root for?

SF Giants, Carolina Panthers, Charlotte Hornets, Duke, Kentucky

135. Describe your sense of humor.

Ridiculously stupid, inside jokes

136. Have you ever been hit on by someone of the same gender?

Yeah, my ex-girlfriend lmao

137. Favorite video game?

Overwatch

138. Name a moment in your life when you were pleasantly surprised.

When i got a mf perfect score on my ACT

139. Do you believe in serendipity?

I had to look that up but I guess so

140. Have you ever left a movie theater before the movie was done?

I don’t think so, one time the movie malfunctioned and cut off like an hour in and we had to leave

141. Have you ever felt you were born in the wrong period of history?

Nah, everything has always sucked, but now is somewhat less sucky than before bc we have the internet

142. Is sex before marriage wrong?

No

143. Have you ever gotten a song you dislike stuck in your head?

Yes omg, fuckin Girls Like You, fuck you Adam Levine

144. Can you handle spicy food?

Only slightly spicy

145. Have you ever called a non-lover a term such as darling, honey, babe, or dear?

I call my friend Ryker babe all the time, and call most of my friends “love”

146. Do you like MTV?

Nah not really

147. Where on your body are you the most ticklish?

Probably ribs area

148. TV show or movie you quote/reference the most?

The Princess Bride is so quotable, so maybe that idk, I quote memes more than anything

149. Have you ever lived with a roommate you didn’t get along with?

Can I say my parents? I’ve never lived not in my house, but I’m about to go to college and I hope I like my roommate

150. Where do you think is the best place to meet a new lover?

Either school or through mutual friends?

151. Have you ever successfully been on a diet?

I mean I’ve lost weight but it wasn’t a diet, just not eating lol

152. Favorite thing to do outside?

Have a photoshoot, jk I love looking at flowers, also swimming is good

153. Where did you go on your last vacation?

Kiawah Island, for grad week

154. Do you say “y'all” at all?

Yes, I live in the south and started using it ironically but now I can’t stop

155. Have you ever lived on a farm?

No

156. Do you believe in evolution?

There’s scientific evidence for it, so yes

157. What TV channel do you watch the most?

Honestly HGTV those houses are awesome

158. Favorite Beatles song?

Hmmmm, Maybe A Day In The Life or Eleanor Rigby, I Am The Walrus is always good too ngl

159. Have you ever been on TV?

On like the local channels for school awards and such

160. Have you ever been to Disney World or Disneyland?

I went to Disneyland last summer!

161. Do you like horror movies?

Not really, I’m a pussy

162. Do you like to go fishing?

No

163. Have you ever been hunting?

No

164. Do you take medication for anything?

Yes, for ye olde depression

165. Name one item from your bucket list.

Get a novel published

166. From 1-10, how much do you like children?

3 maybe, they’re kinda annoying

167. Have you ever thought about your wedding?

Yes, but my ideas have changed over time

168. Have you ever been bungee jumping or skydiving?

No, but I’d like to

169. Favorite flower?

Hmmm Sunflowers? or Snapdragons, or the pink magnolias

170. Do you collect anything?

Enamel pins, and rwby blind box figurines (it’s not an addiction I swear)

171. Who was the last person you told a lie to?

My mom probably

172. Have you ever been a bridesmaid or a groomsman?

Nope

173. Have you ever had a fortune cookie fortune come true?

Not that I know of

174. What was your favorite toy to play with when you were a child?

Hmmmm I had this little Narnia figurine set that I loved, also a bunch of littlest pet shop toys

175. How good are you at math?

Pretty good, I took AP Calculus in high school and got an A, doesn’t mean I liked it

176. Have you ever learned anything from a how-to YouTube video?

Not that I can think of right now

177. Have you ever participated in a science fair?

Yes, it was required in 6th grade

178. Have you ever wished you were born the opposite gender?

Womanhood is difficult and I often wish I did not have to bear it, but I’ve made peace with it

179. Have you ever participated in a public protest?

No, I’m scared

180. Do you have a pool at your house?

No

181. Have you ever hosted a wild party?

No lol, the wildest was probably my birthday party when we all got high and then had a 1 am McDonalds run because munchies

182. Do you like karaoke?

Not really

183. Have you ever written a love letter?

Kind of yes, I’m rather sappy

184. Have you ever ran a marathon?

God no, I’ve done a lot of 5Ks though

185. How often do you get mad at yourself?

So much, I suck

186. Any guilty pleasures?

Probably shitty old Warrior Cats AMVs, those are great when you’re bored and need to remember your roots

187. Fruits or vegetables?

Vegetables solely because potatoes fuckin slap

188. Do you live in a house or an apartment?

In a house, but I’m about to move into a dorm

189. The countryside or the suburbs?

Suburbs, I’ve lived in them my whole life, also listen to Subdivisions by Rush it’s great

190. Worst job you’ve ever had?

I’ve only had 1 job so I guess working at Chick-fil-A

191. Do you hang out with any of your co-workers?

Yes, one of them was my friend from school as well so I hang out with her regularly

192. Were you ever voted homecoming/prom king or queen?

Nope, but my good friends were prom king and queen!

193. Were you voted a “best” or “most likely to” in high school?

No, but I was “Most Likely To Be President - Girl” in elementary school so take that

194. Have you ever gotten detention?

No I’m a good kid

195. Have you ever babysat?

Yes, we watched disney movies and played dress-up

196. Have you ever taken a road trip just for the fun of it?

Nah, but I’d like to

197. How many drinks get you tipsy?

Idk, I was a little funny after 2 vodka spiked punches so

198. Were you a part of any academic clubs in high school or college?

Certainly yes, Technology Student Association, Beta club, Book club

199. Have you ever given a public speech, aside from your schooling?

I did the sermon one Sunday at church, but I’m not a big fan of public speaking

200. How long have you been on tumblr?

5 years in november! (God thats awful)

@officieel i did it bastard

[sn0wblinded]

questions 1-98 ( go big or go home ;) )

ya killin me hollis );

1. Unfortunately, I am 5′1, pros to anybody who wants a nugget for a gf or friend

2.  Body type? uh I suppose slim and slender with an hourglass shape

3. Favorite part of my body would have to be...erh...uh...my eyes? I love the shape of them just wish I had blue or green eyes :(

4. HAH my hair color now is NOT my natural hair color loll I have naturally crazy dark brown hair where it’s almost black but I love blonde in the summer so catch me in the fall for my dark roots ;D

5. Um I’d say it depends where I am and who I’m with as to whether I’ll be shy or outgoing, typically I’m shy until I feel comfortable enough to be myself, or unless someone gets enough drinks in me hahah

6. Uh I’d say I’m probs more on the femme side, like I luvvv getting dressed up and looking super pretty if I’m not sitting on my ass being lazy af. 

7. Super duper smol bean

8. Hands down I’d be a wine mom

9. Hmmph weird habit? Uh I’ll mouth whatever someone is saying as they are talking, even sometimes before they say the next word and I don’t even know I’m doing it. I catch myself doing this watching shows or movies and I hateeee it. “How do you know what I’m saying??” is the usual response *rolls eyes* 

10. OOOHHH my fav meme would have to be the one with the baby orangutang and her crazy hair bc she’s a hot mess and I’m a hot mess ._.

11. who doesn’t sing in the shower???? the acoustics man, i’ll give my SO a full-blown concert w/ an encore. will it sound good tho?? who knows

12. um I’d love to go full Merida and learn how to use a bow and arrow tbh

13. I was never a theatre kid :( I wanted to be in HS 

14. I’ve never seen a broadway musical but def something on my bucketlist

15. Musicals are kinda cheesy but that’s what I love about them

16. I’ve never been a part of a protest or march, but will def be in the future when given the chance

17. My fav Cards Against Humanity Card would probs be “What is Batman’s guilty pleasure?” love having a good giggle at the responses

18. The last movie I watched...that I can think of was Final Destination 2 and was reminded why I can be paranoid af about some stuff LOL

19. Uhh preferably not behind or infront of the camera, not photogenic and my hands aren’t steady enough to take decent photos BUT I’d love to do photography if I had any skill in it

20. If you know me, like come on, F.R.I.E.N.D.S. 

21. just listen to Snowblinded by Kill Hannah nuff said

22. Uhh I joined tumblr back in 2011 my freshman year of HS bc I wanted to release my teenage angst, and then I left after a few years and came back this year:) Luckily my OG url was still available

23. Um you know 

24. Most people love chocolate and I hate it loll Fight me pls ;P

25. Narcotics? Nope sowwe

26. HAH expose me much?? hahah Def not a virgin lemme say that ^-^

27. Um my neighbors little brother caught her and I kissing underneath her sheets when I was a super duper smol bean, technically wasn’t bad but we couldn’t do it anymore:/

28. Oof idk what the funniest lie is that I told... omg 

29. Hmm... expression through words...take a guess what that passion is 

30. My best friend is one the most supportive and loving people I’ve ever met and I love her to death

31. Um lemme keep my secrets ;)

32. I’m super tired but also feeling really motivated so it’s kinda conflicting but oh well das my life

33. My biggest fear is probably ending up alone (amongst a few others)

34. I Like Me Better by Lauv

35. The best decision I’ve made in life thus far was deciding that I’m going to start love being myself regardless of societal expectations and internalizing everything because of the fear of others judgements etc. This is my life and I plan on living it up the best way possible.

36. Um who hasn’t? Failure always leads you one step closer to success

37. I fantasize about finding someone whose soul fits perfectly w/ mine

38. I cried the other night but happy tears bc I no longer have to hide who I am

39. A meme I was sent in a group chat

40. Mm...maybe..my lips are sealed 

41. A few of my closest friends

42. Uh every single day at the end of my last relationship

43. I’ve started to realize who my true friends are, and people’s true intentions

44. Submissive AF, but a lil control here and there isn’t bad

45. I’ll only date you if you’re okay w/ eating lots of pasta and long jam sesh’s

46. Preferably someone my age or a little bit older, but if I click with someone a year or two younger than me then whatevs :)

47. um I’d describe my crush but it’d be a dead giveaway LOL

48. any kinks? oh sweetie.. I’m not as innocent as this halo may make me appear ;P

49. First thing I notice in someone, physically would be their eyes, personality-wise would be their sense of humor.

50. Best way to win my heart is to bond over music

51. Uhh wow like allll the time LOL

52. Once again, like alllll the fucking time *rolls eyes*

53. Oh I plead the fifth on this one 

54. Trust is a big thing for me, but I usually know right off the bat now if I can trust somebody or not

55. Um no bc anybody I like lives miles and miles away >_>

56. Confidence is hot, not cute, hot. Make me swoon. 

57. My heart would probs ache 

58. If you can’t make me laugh we won’t even be close to dating loll

59. Uh no and I’m sure they will never have a clue bc I’m shy af about my feelings 

60. ...too many storytimes there

61. Hopefully one day I marry the love of my life

62. Pleading the fifth bc I’m stuck between a couple 

63. Turn ons: Whisper in my ear, light touches, and cute messages (keeping things on the cleaner side (; )

64. Hate is a strong word, so Trump 

65. Babygirl melts my heart but so does sweetheart and princess

66. Charlies Angels hands down...

67. Oof... intimidating in a sexy and intriguing way? Hell yes, but I love a kind soul

68. Somebody who truly loves me for me and is always up for adventure, and has an impeccable taste in music.

69. I tend to like whoever I like :P

70. HAH good one

71. The first person I came out to was my sister, a few years ago, and it went alright I guess until we had a heated argument and yeah...but I came out to her again recently and it’s helped us grow closer together.

72. I have a quite a few friend who are and luvvv them all

73. um....ya

74. Oof...I honestly can’t remember

75. Maybe later, this is already wayyyy too long.

76. I used to but I’d say it takes a lot more for me to fall IN love

77. Yeah so let’s not talk about it :3

78. Good at hiding my feelings? Uhhhhhh

79. Forgiving? I’ll forgive but I never forget who has hurt me.

80. Uh...I have quite a few, want the whole list? LOL

81. Whichever one would comfort both of us in the moment

82. I like a girl that’s taller, even if it’s just by a little bit. Honestly it doesn’t take much with how smol I am :[

83. Um can I have both? Hugs and kisses pls k thx

84. Be twirled :3

85. Um both mmmff

86. I love forehead kisses, but if you wanna make me melt into a puddle neck kisses are the way to go.

87. I’d do either or, kinda hard for me to choose which one more.

88. Depends on my mood, love me some soft kisses but bet your ass I’m always down to makeout

89. If I’m feeling the need to be cute hug around the neck, if I’m being a lil more touchy then hugs around the waist

90. I used to contemplate my sexuality constantly because of growing up in a religious family and internalizing everything, but without a doubt I’m 100% confident in my sexuality. This is me, take it or leave it baby ;)

91. Uh I blush and get a massive load of butterflies, feeling like I’m on cloud nine etc. I’ve liked people and just felt comfortable and never had butterflies and such but FUCK do I love feeling giddy and happy all over from just the mere thought of them. 

92. Yes, typically that’s how it starts out with me and it ends in either of two ways, mutual or I embarass tf outta myself 

93. I had my first kiss with a girl when I was 7, and man did I never want to stop. But, I knew for certain that I really liked girls when I was in sixth grade and wanted to watch any and everything that contained wlw content, hoping and wishing to have that one day.

94. Be myself? LOL

95. Ohmygosh... favorite lesbian ship... Laura/Carmilla, Alice/Robin (OUAT), Yorkie/Kelly (San Junipero)...these are only a few of a long list

96. The most aggravating thing that’s personally been said to me about my sexuality would be between being told this is all temptation and comparing it to acts of disgusting scum of human beings(pedos and adulterers), and also being told it’s only a phase... I can’t roll my eyes hard enough

97. Um like probably a few minutes ago :3

98. Love is being completely comfortable in being who you are around someone, and loving the good and bad parts of each other. 

If anyone actually reads up until this point I just gotta say...I’m sorry LOL 

and you’re a trooper

[parentingtheoryandpractice]

Assorted Parenting Updates from a while back

I found this post in my drafts folder and I figured it was worth posting, even though it’s now more than six months out of date.

It's been a while since I wrote any updates about my kids, so I figured I'd try to record some stuff for posterity. The one caveat is that everything is great and I wouldn’t tell you if it wasn’t.

A while back, when I felt like I was staring down a lot of years of parenting, I started asking my friends when things got easier. I mostly got two answers: when your youngest turns 3, and when your youngest turns 5. So now, when I have a 5.5yo and an almost 3yo seems like a particularly appropriate time to reflect. 

It really is sort of shocking to me how mature Lydia is. I don’t mean that I think she’s especially mature for her age–more that 5 seems like a shockingly mature age compared to what came before. From the time she was a baby, we did a ton of talking about stuff and explaining stuff, and all that. But at this age she really gets it. Explaining things works. If she doesn’t want to do something, she’s often happy to tell me why, and she’s decent at introspecting, especially if we talk her through it. She seems to accept that there are some things that I will make her do (though I try to keep that to a minimum), and she’ll ask whether I’m forcing her to do something or not. And often she’ll be up for doing it even if I’m not forcing her, even if she doesn’t want to do it, just because I really want her to do it. She recently informed me that she can open all of our child locks, and I was basically just happy about that development. 

By my standards, she’s pretty polite :-).

She’s pretty motivated to observe family rules, and she’s also very much tracking that other families have different rules, particularly around toys and sharing. (In our house, lots of the toys belong to one kid or the other, and a minority of the toys are communal.)

She also sometimes tells me when she thinks I haven’t been being fair to her or paying enough attention to her, which always feels comforting. Though I suppose I never know for sure what she isn’t telling me. 

It’s definitely a bad bet to assume she isn’t paying attention to stuff that people around her are saying.

Her favorite food is pasta with parmesan cheese.

She loves LOL dolls.

She’s been super into singing, and wants me to help her get all the notes perfect. Her favorite songs are Rose Red, Hey Ho Nobody’s Home, and Ah Poor Bird. Other favorites include Once Upon a December, A Million Dreams, and Let it Go.

She builds a lot with Legos and Duplos, and lately she seems to have more of a plan. Like she’ll specifically round up a bunch of a type of piece she knows she’s going to need.

Socializing is clearly important to her, but she seems to get burned out by it too sometimes. And lately she can actually meaningfully spend a lot of time doing pretend play with Zeke, so there’s that too. She has a lot of strategies for getting him to do what she wants when they play. Playing with our nanny is also one of her top things to do.

She started getting carsick lately :-(, whereas she really didn’t before, which is too bad. A lot of the time it doesn’t happen though, and she is fairly self-aware about her triggers.

She has stuff she likes playing on the iPad, and some Wii and PS4 games she likes, but hasn’t ever really gotten into video games or computer games. She loves playing The Sims on my computer with me, perhaps partly because it’s a bit of scarce activity.

For years now she’s had a pretty steady interest in arithmetic. It’s pretty common for her to spontaneously ask about addition, subtraction, and sometimes a little multiplication. We talk about infinity sometimes.

She’ll ask to practice reading with me and Will, but my sense is that her motivation there is largely about connecting with us. I don’t think it feels real to her that she could actually learn to read.

She loves our dogs, and wants more animals. She periodically mentions wanting a smaller dog and a cat.

She’s definitely still a night owl. Our nanny starts at 9 a few mornings a week, and she’s asked me to wake her up for that, since she doesn’t want to miss out. Otherwise, she’ll wake up anywhere from around 8:30-10:30, and she often goes to sleep around 11:30, though sometimes it’s much earlier if she had a jam-packed day, or if she slept less than usual the night before. 

I can definitely imagine what would feel easier about having my youngest child be 5. 

Zeke isn’t quite as into trucks and construction as he used to be, but he likes it a lot. He largely likes watching videos about construction, making slime, playing with kinetic sand, making food, factories, and that sort of thing. Overall, I find his taste in videos pretty soothing. 

He like digging outside.

He has some interest in just about everything Lydia is interested in, and he really likes it when he gets to play with her and her friends.

He likes to play with words a lot, and repeat rhyming and similar sounding words for fun. 

For a long time now, he’s been very good at getting his point across to people, though he’s still definitely at the age where strangers sometimes can’t fully follow his toddler accent. 

He’s gotten pretty good at doing pretend play on his own, in addition to liking it with other people, and sometimes Lydia and I get kick out of listening to him babble to himself when he’s playing in the upstairs area by himself. 

When playing with Lydia, he’s fairly inclined to grab her things, and still sometimes knocks over her creations or gets in her space. It seems normal to me for an almost 3yo, though of course we do our best to stop him. it also seems more deliberate than it used to, in an almost-3-yo-way instead of in a 2-yo way. 

He likes playing with the dogs sometimes, but sometimes doesn’t want them around, and sometimes pokes them sits on them. Again, I do my best to stop him, but the dogs are also fairly skilled at taking care of themselves without hurting the kids, which makes my life easier. He throws balls for Krypto a lot.

Similarly, he’s quite cuddly with me, but there’s often kicking, climbing, and stuff like that mixed in. 

He still gets carsick, though I think less than he used to. This month he’s pretty willing to get in cars to go places he wants, but there have been long stretches of time where he wanted nothing to do with cars.

I basically don’t have to remind him to go to the bathroom anymore, and I believe him if he says he doesn’t have to go. The very high degree of reliability without any reminders is fairly recent though. And I do make a point of getting him to pee before bed, since otherwise he’ll sometimes have an accident at night. Mostly he’s been dry at night for years. 

He’s still nursing, but he’s pretty accepting when I turn him down, and we don’t do it all that many times a day at this point.

I don’t wear him that much anymore, though sometimes I think it would be better if I did, since I think puts him in a good state. As with Lydia, our wearing wound down a lot around 2, with wearing him while out and about being the last one thing to fade away. He’s around 31 pounds, and I’m out of the habit, so it doesn’t feel easy to have him up for long, even though I am an experienced enough wrapper that it’s pretty ergonomic.

Everyone is still sleeping in the family bed, which is a queen plus twin xl. We have no plans to change that system, since it’s working well for us.

Zeke is also basically a night owl, just a little less so than everyone else in the family. He usually gets up between 8 and 9. I try not to let him nap, but even if he has a maximally late-night-inducing nap (like sleeping from 7-8pm) he’s typically not up later than 1am. Which may seem late, but with Lydia thing could get considerably later when she took a late nap at this age. He’s always had a comparatively robust circadian rhythm, for which we are grateful.

I get what’s easier about having a youngest kid that’s almost 3. He’s not in a particularly cooperative stage, but it’s not intensely physical and hands-on all the time the way it used to be. And when I reflect on how much I do trust him, it’s actually a lot. We were camping for a wedding the other week and I asked him to leave an axe alone. Someone there made a point of showing him the axe and how it wasn’t actually that sharp, which I appreciated, and also expressed skepticism that he would really leave it alone because I told him to. But I didn’t have any real doubt that he would leave it alone. Almost always, when he goes into the kitchen, he closes the baby gate after him both on the way in and on the way out. (The baby gates are so the dogs don’t eat food I sometimes leave on the counter. He’s been able to open and close them for a long time.) I basically trust him to run in front of me on the sidewalk, because he’s been reliable for a long time about not going into the street. 

The dogs are doing well. I still spend kind of a lot of time training them, more some days than others. They spend more time outside in the yard than I’d ideally want, mostly to reduce total chaos, but they don’t seem to mind. And I feel better about that situation now that they have each other. Krypto is obviously temperamentally less anxious, but Argos is also obviously better trained. I still don’t have as high a degree of reliability with them around distractions as I would like, but I think we’ll get there eventually.

On my end, maybe the biggest change is that the more years I’ve been doing this, the less I question my overall approach. And when I read articles or books about parenting, I tend to be much more skeptical of what people are trying to sell me. That part feels good! I still think there’s plenty of room for me to get better at things, and I try to, but I also think I’ve come up against a lot of actual constraints, and there isn’t all that much low-hanging fruit anymore.