#the past like. whatever it’s been since april 2023 has just been so suck’s

[gobbluthbutagirl]

why would anyone sleep when you could spend like an hour on google maps at 1am doing #research and making a mental list of every potential employment opportunity within an hour of the airbnb you’ve booked now that you know the address(even though you already knew the address because you already did #research on google maps to figure out where the airbnb was before you even booked it). That’s what i want to know

[calliecat93]

Well, we're at the end of 2023. I keep going back and forth, feeling like the year went on forever and like it just started. Weird, huh? So things in the world this year... yeah I don't need to say much on the state of things. All I can say is that I hope 2024 will be better... and that Trump doesn't make it into office. Things WILL get worse for everyone if that happens, and that's all I will say about it.

Anyways, my personal life. It actually wasn't too bad. I got to go on my first-ever cruise at the end of April and the first real vacation that I had had since I was a kid. It was such an amazing time~! I even got to hug Mickey Mouse for the first time in 20 years~! Speaking of though, I've done a hard step away from animation. I still reblog stuff, but I'm not as into looking into things like voice actors or history and stuff anymore. The past few years of industry drama utterly drained me and killed a lot of my love and passion for entertainment in general, and it was time to realize that, step back, and let myself begin just enjoy watching things again. Which I have been doing slowly. It's sad, but accepting that I don't want a part of the animation world and remain a casual fan was the right thing to do. I'll always love it, but I don't want to be a part of that world as a career or anything anymore.

Doing so has helped me decide on what I want to do though. Mom had been trying to convince me for years to get into culinary since I both liked it and was good at it. I was reluctant because it's VERY high stress... but I've gotten really into baking and I've decided that I'd like to pursue that as a career. It's fun, not so stressful that I can't handle it, and I'm good at it. I'm hoping to go back to school as the community college here has a culinary program where I can get a baking certification. But yeah, it was a life change that needed to happen.

Otherwise, this was one of my calmer years. There wasn't some major family tragedy for the first time in like five years, Thank God. I turned 30... so I'm old. We adopted out dog Dante that past December and I utterly love him with all my heart. I got my learner's permit a few days ago so I'm one step closer to being able to get my life going. I've fully accepted being sapphic and once I can drive and stuff I'd like to be able to start maybe dating for the first time. I think overall I finally realized how stilted my life had become since my dad died in 2018, but I lacked any motivation and drive to change it or do anything. IDK what's changed, but I want to start living my life and continuing to make progress on that is my goal for 2024.

Fandom life has been a lot slower. Probably as a result of me realizing that I should actually focus on my real life. But it's not dead either. RWBY Volume 9 finally came out and while I almost quit when it did, I stuck to it. I'm glad I did because it's now my favorite volume of the show and while I'm honestly convinced V10 won't happen, if it does I'll be here for it. My TOS passion got reignited, so much so that I had to make a sideblog to contain it all. I haven't really gotten into anything new, really with the state of things, I'm almost afraid to even try any new shows. Like I said, I've been focusing on just enjoying stuff again so it's just been whatever I see around getting reblogged. I guess that made things dull on here, but it did good for me, and in the end that's what I use this blog for. I've even started to get back into fanfic writing after all the RT drama got to me so bad I quit after finally getting over my writing anxiety. But I hope that's a good sign of finally moving forward.

Overall, I know that the world is in dire straits right now. My personal life wasn't too bad this year, but it sucks to think bout how so many have suffered and I can't really do anything about it. Like I said, I hope that 2024 will be better for everyone. Regardless I hope that you all have a Happy New Year and as we enter Year 12 of the blog, I thank you all once again for having stuck with me. See you all in 2024~!

[diary-of-a-sad-asian-girl]

2023 Review

I'm baaaaaaack. New year, new me (haven't said that before). But anyways, let's recap 2023 shall we?

Me: I continued therapy up until about April with Cherie and I just wasn't getting much out of it like I thought. Maybe it's because I wasn't trying but I also feel like Cherie wasn't really telling me anything different like in our sessions we would just talk and she would want to talk about my foodie pages which is all fine but I just didn't want to pay $20 just to talk to someone sooooo I stopped going to therapy and it was actually fine. I think I'm doing better than I was before therapy so I guess in a way it did help. I think I've accepted the fact that I'm an introvert. I prefer staying in by myself and that's okay. I think I was trying so hard not to be and be more outgoing like my dad. Which I am with people close to me, but that's just how I am. I also found that I try to match the energy and vibe of the people around me. But, I still have my socially anxious moments. Though, I don't feel it constricting me as much as before. As for fitness, I'm still in a runt. I was thinking about joining 24 hour fitness again but you know... money. I'm still hanging around the same weight but I know as I get older, the harder it is to keep weight off. Anyway, I did reach my goal of 120K in both saving and checking accounts which I'm happy about. I went to Japan for the first time in April with my family and it was absolutely magical. Hoping to travel more this year.

Work: I guess the biggest life update this year was work. I got a new position in a different department back in May. The interview process was tough and I was surprised to have gotten chosen. But, I got 10k salary increase which I was happy about and for once, I felt like I had a job with a salary that not only I but my family was happy with. Now, I don't have my dad bugging me about finding a new position. It is so much more challenging than being an admin assistant which is obviously expected. I do like what I'm doing for the most part. But, it was pretty tough towards the end of the year which I'm not used to. I do feel more satisfied and valuable and I like the people I work with. I'm actually working with a group - a team - which I haven't done since the HES days?

Relationship: Me and BJ were really tested this past year. I just felt like he was doing the bare minimum and even below that sometimes. Well he forgot my birthday which was really upsetting. He would just kinda disregard me and my feelings. And I just feel like he thinks if he just buys me dinner and drives me around, that's enough. I also think he has ADHD. He just can't seem to focus, has zero discretion and no social awareness whatsoever. I am worried about when we live together and start having kids how we'll be. But, I love him. I will continue to love him and just hope he'll be better and grow up a little more. Our place is going well. Seems to be on schedule? This may be my last full year living at home. I'm definitely excited to move out.

Hungrylilbean: HLB growth was not great this year. I think I only gained maybe a couple thousand followers on IG and TikTok. BUT, my goal was to gain 5k on lilbeanvlogs on IG and 7k subscribers which I totally surpassed. I actually got some pretty decent money from Youtube but I haven't been posting the last few months so I may lose monetization status soon... I should post more so I don't lose it because it was so hard to get it. But, with my new position, it doesn't allow me to really edit throughout the day and so my only time is at night and a lot of the time, I just wanna relax. Not write scripts or record or edit because those take time too. I do wanna get back into it this year. I do feel a bit uninspired. I really wanna try more cooking content but ugh it's so hard doing it living at home. I can't cook whatever I want for just me. And filming by myself is sooooo hard. I have no idea how food bloggers to it. Also, my stomach sucks. So the thought of eating a lot of food at my expense is so discouraging. I had a bad stomach episode towards the end of the year and it just really leaves a sour taste in my mouth when it comes to food.

One of my more recent hobbies that I started up again was reselling. Though, I'm in the negatives... but it's fun and helps pass the time and get me some side cash... kinda

Overall, this year was tough. We lost Rocky in May. My last grandparent. But, BJ's grandparents have really embraced me and it makes me so happy. A lot of highs as well. I'm excited to travel to Korea in April. I do want to do one more travel this year. BJ turns 25 this year so luckily, we can rent a car and he'll be able to drive so maybe an interisland trip. I'll be closer to 30 this year which is crazy to think about. I have high hopes for this year and excited to see how it goes. Now time to make some goals

[inspiredhearts]

I Feel Like A Failure

I didn’t want to write about this because it will make me seem weak and me being a failure will really be true but I have to let it all out and hopefully things will get better soon and I will just look back at this post and say that I was wrong and I was not a failure after all.

So last 2019, I took the Bar exams. Results came out in April of 2020 which was in the middle of the pandemic. I failed. Of course I failed - the moment I went out of the room on the last Sunday of the exams, I knew I was gonna fail. I could not even manifest that I’ll pass because it was just a given that I’ll fail.

I took the exam again last November 2022. It was already digitalized so we used our laptops and all that and it was really nice being able to answer perfectly because I can delete everything in case I want to change my answer. I didn’t know everything - but I manifested that I will pass this exam. I got out of the room on the last Sunday of the exam believing that I will pass. It was a given. Whatever I didn’t know, my other answers will make up for it. I will pass.

April 14, 2023 was the release of the results, and I fucking passed. It was one of the happiest moments of my life. Seeing my name on the screen. Finally seeing my surname and then my first name. Ah, that was really me. I passed. I am now a lawyer.

I prayed for it too actually. During the weeks before April, I prayed and cried. I told God that I want to pass. I know that I’ll have many worries afterwards but I still want to pass because I want to get to the next chapter of my life. It felt like I’m stuck in this law school - Bar review for a long time and I just didn’t want to go through it again.

So yes, I passed, and took the oath and signed the roll of attorneys. I was even gifted a vacation to Japan again so it was nice. However now I’m at that point where I still don’t have a job and I still don’t know what I want to do in life.

This is the one thing I was worried about. This is that thing I’m dreading. I hoped that I wouldn’t experience this but I also kinda knew that it is a given that I’ll go through this.

I don’t know what I want to do. I want to work of course, but I’m afraid of making mistakes. I’m afraid of failing. I’m afraid of disappointing people. It’s so paralyzing thinking that people expect a lot from me now but I’m just a regular girl who passed an exam.

Feeling ko napag-iiwanan na ako and I really feel like a failure pero at the same time I don’t have the courage to go out of my comfort zone and do something. I don’t know what I should do and I’m hoping that soon I’ll find the answer because I hate feeling like a failure. I think that I became sick the past weeks because of the stress this has been giving me. It’s been 3 months since the results came out and I’m still just here. I’m still unemployed and I still don’t know what I should do. Where I should go.

It sucks feeling this way because there’s this fear too that I’m disappointing everyone around me. But I am afraid of a lot of things and it’s difficult to shake this off. Ang hirap na parang wala akong kwenta. Pumasa nga ako pero ano ngayon? Wala naman akong ginagawa pa rin. Wala pa rin value-added sa buhay ko.

Hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko pero sana someday soon maging employed na ako.

I hate feeling like a failure.

[greensparty]

Blu-ray Reviews - Project: Alf / The Super Mario Bros. Movie

This week I got to review not one but two blu-rays that brought me back to my tween years!

Project: Alf

In Sept. 1986, one of my favorite sitcoms of the 80s premiered on NBC. In a similar way that Mork and Mindy combined sci-fi and comedy, Paul Fusco’s sitcom creation Alf did the same. Gordon Shumway from the planet Melmac crash lands on Earth in the garage of the suburban Tanner family. Given the nickname Alf (for Alien Life Form), the family realizes he’s harmless and decide to take him in. Most of the show was based around the fish-out-of-water situations Alf found himself in. What made Alf so funny was that he was kind of a combination of a vaudeville character and a “Masshole”. For the next 4 years, Alf was my favorite TV show. I was a member of the Alf Fan Club (I got a birthday card each year), had the poster on my wall, had the doll, and whatever else I could get my hands on. It also had several spin-offs: the Alf cartoon, Alf Tales cartoon, the Marvel comic book series, a 1996 TV movie, a 2004 talk show and numerous cameo appearances. Let me go back to that 1996 TV movie. In Feb. 1996, ABC broadcast the made-for-TV movie Project: Alf. It was released on DVD in 2005, but has since been hard to come by. This week it was released on blu-ray by Liberation Hall.

blu-ray poster

After the series finale, Alf was captured by the Alien Task Force. In this TV movie, Alf has been detained in an air force base, but he’s actually doing well: playing poker games with the guards and whatnot. But his nemesis is Colonel Gilbert Milfoil (Martin Sheen) who tries to have Alf killed, but then some air force scientists help him escape and...hilarity ensues.

Look, the fact of the matter is most of the time TV characters who return to TV with a made-for-TV movie, it is kind of bad (with some exceptions), but since I happen to be a fan of Alf, I kind of liked this even if it was ridiculous at times. The thing that was fun about this is that so much of the series was Alf around the Tanner house and here he is not just at the air force base but out in the world. It’s also a kick to see so many serious actors like Miguel Ferrer, Ed Begley Jr. and of course Martin Sheen acting with Alf. About a year after this movie, I worked on Ted Demme’s film Monument Ave, which Sheen was in. Most of the cast and crew were in awe of Sheen because he had been in Apocalypse Now, but I was excited to know I was working on a movie with someone who co-starred with the old Alfer! It’s cool to see this get the blu-ray treatment for fans like me .

For info on Project: Alf: http://www.liberationhall.com/index.php?id_product=292&controller=product

3.5 out of 5 stars

The Super Mario Bros. Movie

When I was a kid, I got into video games at exactly the moment and time when Atari and video arcades were sweeping the nation in the early 80s. One of my favorites was Donkey Kong, and then there was a spin-off game Mario Bros. featuring the plumbers from Donkey Kong, Mario and Luigi. Then a few years later on Nintendo, they had Super Mario Bros., which was so addictive for me as a tween. There were tons of other games featuring these the Mario brothers and loads of spin-offs including the a children’s TV show and a 1993 live-action movie. Then this past Spring saw the release of The Super Mario Bros. Movie, a computer-animated feature film from Illumination (known for Minions) that broke all kinds of box office records (as of this writing it is the highest grossing film of 2023 so far and #14 of All Time domestically).

blu-ray poster

I went to the movie theater with my son to see it in April, with a mostly family-oriented audience. The movie’s plot is somewhat thin: NY plumbers Mario and Luigi get sucked into the Warp Pipe and sent to Mushroom Kingdom and Dark Lands respectively. They meet loads of characters, some good and some bad. The film was actually better than I thought it would be. It wasn’t amazing and it lacked a lot of the magic that Pixar movies have, but there was a certain charm to it and some funny parts I was able to laugh along with my son to. Much of the fun was the references (notably the music) to the original video games and the voice casting that is a blast for the parents watching, i.e. Chris Pratt, Charlie Day, Jack Black, Seth Rogen and more. 

The film is very colorful and filled with impressive visuals, which is what makes this blu-ray worth checking out. In terms of features, there’s some standard featurettes about casting, making-of, a lyric video with Jack Black, and more. But in the end if you aren’t a fan of the movie, it’ll be hard to get excited about all of the extras. But the movie in blu-ray is all the bonus feature you need here!

For info on The Super Mario Bros. Movie: https://www.thesupermariobros.movie/

3 out of 5 stars