#the past 18 years… were rly in it now

[heartsoji]

falling in love with your roommate, suna rintaro

roommates to lovers

a/n: i haven't read the manga so i don't rly know anything abt rin's fam situation - sorry if any info is incorrect loll also this is more of like a college au?? idk if rin went to college but here it is

a/n pt. 2: i kinda switch between using rin and suna sorry

"rintaro!"

"what?"

"aren't you tired of living in my home, still? you're 21! i'm sure all of your friends have moved out already, right? most of them probably moved out at 18, but you haven't budged an inch!" mrs. suna scolded.

"yeah, yeah, pipe down, mom. i'll move out soon, i promise."

"no! it was fine that you stayed home for your freshman year of college, and i thought that you'd start being independent for your sophomore year, but you're still completely dependent on us! you don't cook, buy groceries, clean, or do any work around here! what are you going to do when you've graduated and you don't know how to run a washing machine?"

"yes, yes, i'm sorry."

"and i was very understanding of the fact that you didn't want to move into a dorm, but aren't you tired of commuting hours away when you could just get a closer apartment?"

"mhm, mhm."

she sighed. "rintaro, you know im only saying this because i care about you. i want you to be independent and strong, you know?"

"yep. i just booked an apartment tour via online."

"and i- huh?"

yeah.

soon after he decided the apartment was in good enough condition to be living in, he rented it out and moved in.

on his moving day, he met you.

"hi! you're.. suna rintaro, right? sorry i wasn't there on your tour day. i'm your new roommate, l/n! nice to meet you." you said, a friendly smile on your features.

stoically, suna replied, "good to meet you."

at first, you and suna kinda kept to yourselves. you were polite to each other, of course, but there wasn't much talking, only coexisting.

that is, until you discovered his grocery bills.

"$18... you've been surviving on $18?!" you looked at him in shock.

"yeah. is that weird?"

"damn right it is! what are you even buying?"

"well.. i don't know how to cook anything, so i mostly order door dash. my grocery bill is from instant ramen, chuppets, eggs, and milk."

you stare at him blankly.

"you've been eating nothing but door dash, instant ramen, candy, eggs, and milk for the past 2 months?"

"yeah."

this guy.

he just stands there awkwardly at you laugh at him.

from then on, you two become closer.

you taught him basic recipes to make using groceries you taught him to buy, (imagine his shock when his bill came out to be like $60.. and you were like "bro that's normal") you taught him how to use a washing machine, ("oh, so you put the detergent in this compartment..") etc. just basic household chores, but he was so impressed.

eventually, you two stopped being friendly roommates and just became friends.

he was a good listener. you'd rant to him about your problems, no matter how insignificant, and he'd listen to you carefully, and you never felt like your problems were stupid whenever you talked to him.

you two started hanging out a lot. you'd study together at cafes, go to amusement parks on weekends, and just chill at home together.

and as much as you hated to admit it, you had started developing feelings for your roomie.

i mean, how could you not? he was tall, handsome, kind, funny, cheeky, and it certainly helped that you got to see him all tired in the mornings.

you didn't really know if he felt the same way, but if he did, he was a real bitch, because at some point, your relationship became kind of flirty, and he'd give you butterflies on a daily basis.

you two would watch scary movies and he'd let you cling to him, giving your terrified features a teasey smile every now and then.

he'd walk around the apartment with his toned abs out, and his sweats dangerously low on his hips.

when you guys went on walks, he'd give you his hoodie if it got cold.

whenever you'd go on long rants, he'd just stare at your face with love in his eyes. "and then i-what is it, rin?" "nothing, pretty."

like sir you can't just do that. you're too handsome to do that without risk of heart explosion.

then, one day, unexpectedly, he popped the question.

you two were watching a cheesy romcom for the 5th time, sharing a pot of instant ramen, and at the same moment that the male lead said to the female lead, "i like you. a lot. i have for a while now," rin did too.

it wasn't grand.

it wasn't loud.

it wasn't annoying.

you weren't even sure if he meant it.

but when you saw him looking at you, nervous, awaiting a response, you knew he did.

so, at the same time the female lead said, "me too," you did too.

then, with the cheesy romantic music playing in the back, you guys gave each other cheesy smiles, and he planted a cheesy peck on your cheek.

it was subtle.

it was sweet.

it was cheesy.

it was familiar.

it was uncharacteristically romantic and sentimental.

it was just like how your future relationship with your roomie and best friend, suna rintaro, was going to be.

[writing-like-a-whore]

sae itoshi

“i can find numerous ways to fuck you, pretty.”

sae itoshi x fem!reader. where sae has an issue getting the new intern out of his head.

warnings- 18+, minors dni, nsfw, smut, saes ofc a bitch, use of slut whore etc, degradation kink, and yk the usual

"you just need to be laid," sae's personal assistant told him. sae flipped him off as he left. it had been a year since bluelock and sae decided that what was going on in spain before was what worked best for him. so here was, playing for the team that made his life different, although, he didnt know if it was for the better or worse.

sae's assistant wasnt wrong tho, he really needed to get laid and soon, his sexual frusturation was getting out of hand (pun intended sorry ok.) there was no shortage of gorgeous hispanic women around him but somehow none of them seem to cut it for him, he had a quickie with this woman who called herself his fan yet couldn't even name him, which in retrospect shows how desperate he was but also shows that people are shallow. (he rly didnt wanna admit he's starving for sex be real)

sae's assistant, ruben, who had been incharge of sae's work for the past year was younger and more fun than his predecessors. sae liked him so much that he even gave his number, voluntarily, without any pressure. it wasnt long until ruben invited sae for parties and beers and the two became friends. it also wasnt unusal for ruben to text message sae updates. "my law intern starts tomorrow so pls dont throw daggers at her," the text read. sae replied with, "no promises," and could particularly hear ruben's sigh. sae didnt put much thought to it and continued with his day as usual.

the next day, sae woke up at 5 and ran for an hour before his 2 hour practice schedule. he loved doing the workout that came afterwards. one could say that a follow up workout after 3 hours of running and practice was excessive but he was a pro player and this was his job. sae reached his house roughly around 9:30 or 9:45, since the door was open he assumed it was ruben and the new intern. sae overheard ruben explaining something to the new intern but he'd rather shower than listen to wtv they were doing.

after a very relaxing and much needed shower, sae went to the kitchen where they two were. what sae expected was a nerdy law student in his house, but what met him was perhaps the most gorgeous woman he'd seen. you didnt have a model type zero figure, hell you werent even skinny, but something about your round ass and thick thighs (save lives) that just really made sae stop in his tracks.

"sae, meet my new intern," ruben said, referring to you. you said a good morning to him and took the nod that followed as a quiet dismissal so you turned your attention to ruben and talked about work. sae hated that a little.

over the course of the next few days, sae would hang around the kitchen counter which you and ruben used as an office now. he'd watch tv or grab a snack every now and then just to sneak a look at you. you always wore those beautiful trousers that hugged your rear and flared at the bottom. sae was also quick to notice your deep neck shirts which were professional for most of the part, except for when you'd lean over the counter when you were listening. he knew it was pathetic and perverted behaviour but to his defence he found you hotter than he should.

days passed and his need for you just increased. sae would never admit it to anyone but he might've fantasised about you a little. today, it was evening and you and ruben were still at the couch. sae hated that you didnt talk to him much or gave that pretty smile you did to ruben, he would also not admit this. you get up and politely say good bye to the two of them.

"hey, sae?" ruben calls out, "yes?" he replies. "there's a party tonight and i was thinking you can join us. y/n is going too." sae noticed that ruben said that in a weird tone, "what am i supposed to do with that information?" he asks. ruben chuckles, "look. i know that you have a thing for her, and if she wasnt sm on the borderline of being a nuerodivergent coded woman, she'd know too. maybe she's the one you need to get laid with." sae rolled his eyes but didnt deny what ruben said and also got ready.

and boy was he glad that he did. you were wearing a skimpy outfit. or maybe its in his head. you wore a bodycon blue satin dress under a sheer blue and purple gradient mesh dress. your hair wasnt tied and you looked gorgeous. sae could see every roll and what he wanted to do- "stop staring and just talk to her," ruben said, "im gonna go find someone to fuck too. see ya tomorrow," and he was gone.

sae walked up to you, you were now at the bar, sitting alone, thankfully. "hey," he seemed to have startled you, "oh, sae- i mean mr. itoshi, hello. i didnt think you were gonna be here," you say. "i didnt think i'd be here either, and its sae." you divert your gaze to the bartender and say, "yes, okay. so sae, how are you enjoying this party?" you ask. "not a lot, i'd rather get out." you slam your hand on the table and say, "oh. my god. me too. its so boring, i didnt think clubs would be this bad." sae liked how comical your expression and reaction was. "do you wanna get out, go somewhere else?" sae asks. your eyes widen but you say yes anyway.

sae takes you in his car and asks if you'd mind going back to his place. you said no because it was one of the only places in spain you liked. sae asked you about how youre here. "well, im a college student and i'm here for an internship for doing well in law school. i think it's an internship for six months but if ruben and his company likes me, i could get a permanent job here." sae nodded and you two had some more conversation.

you two were still talking when you reached inside of sae's house. and no matter how many times you told yourself you were just tipsy, you knew it was smth sober you also wanted to do. you grabbed sae and kissed him. sae was taken a back a little but when he registered what just happened he snapped. he closed the door shut w one leg and one arm engulfed you closer to him while his head grabbed your hair and pulled you in for a kiss. it was nothing short of a feral kiss, he kissed you like he was a starved man.

he didnt stop kissing you when he took you to his bedroom. he didnt stop kissing you when his hand went down to graze your thigh. you were the one who broke the kiss when his hand reached your panties and rubbed back and forth. “so wet,” he said as he dragged your underwear aside and fingered you. “be a good doll and ride my fingers sweetheart,” he said as you barely understood what was happening. pleasure and nothing but pleasure surrounded your head.

you then instinctively got down on your knees. he liked that he didnt ask you to do it, you just did. your hands pulled down his pants and boxers. you took his length in your hand and rubbed it a few times before taking it in. he grabbed your hair as you looked up at him, so pretty with your doe eyes looking into his. he wanted to be gentle with you but you batted your eyelashes a few times and he lost it. he thrust his hips into your face and came to the site of you gagging on his cock.

“enough of you doing the work, princess. my turn” he practically threw you on the bed as he commanded to get on your hands and knees. he put his hands on your hips and pulled you back. your moaned as your sensitive part hit his cock and he ground his teeth like he was grinding your pussy. “not so soon,” he said as he pulled back and kneeled this time. he took your panties off and brought your ass which was in the air closer to his face. you moaned as he ran his tongue up and down. he used two fingers to separate your folds as he repeated his motions but on a much sensitive part. your legs quivered as he went on and his pillows no longer muffling your screams.

sae decides to tongue fuck you a little longer and then when his cock started aching and he knew you were about to come, he pulls back. you whine in protest but he says, “you come when i tell you to. do it before that and you’ll pay.” you meekly nod, your ass and pussy still in air at display for him.

so pretty he says and puts his cock slowly into you. your body shudders in delight and sae grips your hips tighter. he pulls you back and forth as he slams into you. “i wanna go slower but fuck.” you get on your elbows now and shake your head, “dont go slow. fuck me hard.” he nods and says, “you gave me permission,” as he picks up the pace and fucks you. you scream as both of you come. sae slaps your ass one last time as you both fall down onto the bed.

“fuck.” is all you say. sae chuckles as he gets up to kiss you. he brings in a cloth towel and cleans you up. maybe spain changed him for the better.

~~

this was so long sorry 😭😭

banner credit @cafekitsune

[hanasnx]

Omg what is starlet reader was ewans daughter and Hayden used to babysit her when she was a kid

MINORS DNI 18+ NOTES: i rly liked this concept :) feel free to ask me about it more! i think this was a good broad start to it WARNINGS: dead dove do not eat | age gap | dark content proceed with caution | there is absolutely no predatory acts mentioned, but because the situation is inherently predatory i'm tagging it | sexual content at the end | implied smut | no y/n

! ── "Yeah, no problem. We'll stay on site at my trailer, order a pizza. How hard could it be?" HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN assures Ewan, who frowns at him in response, clearly amused. "Alright, I'm going to pretend you didn't say that." he pats Hayden on the back as he exits, and when he gestures to you, he tells you a simple "Be good." Your complexion flushes when Hayden lays eyes on you. "You ready?"

! ── "I don't need a babysitter." you tell him as he picks up a slice of pizza from the box, the strings of cheese stretching thin until they break. You have a raging, hormonal and proximity induced crush on your dad's co-star. Not to mention he's a total babe, and so kind. Desperately, you want him to see you as independent, as cooler than you are. You think he's so grown up even though he's barely older than a legal adult. "Sure you don't. We're hanging out." he replies so easily that you almost believe him, even though he's only saying it to make you feel better.

! ── You've always been so standoffish with him. You found any excuse to be around him, but you'd jade yourself out of fear he'd find out your embarrassing feels for him. Often you'd fantasize about him confessing his love to you— but had no idea how problematic that'd be if he did. Now, you're inside his trailer, alone with him, and he's coaxing you out of your shell by making you play one of his video games. It smells like a boy's room in here. "Ugh! I'm no good at this!" you cry, throwing your hands down into your lap. Frustrated over your lack of progress, you've been going around in circles in this mission for what felt like hours. It exacerbated your already heightened stress levels around him. Would he think less of you for not doing well? "Wait a second, hold on," His voice is surprisingly soothing, muffled by the pizza crust stuck in between his molars like a cigar. You don't realize it's because he's resisting the urge to leave you here when he steps outside to smoke. He promised he'd keep an eye on you, so that's what he's doing. Besides, he doesn't wanna be a bad influence on you. He reaches over, and you relinquish the controller to him, his hand grazing yours in the process. "Let's see here..." Instead of paying attention to the screen, you stare at where the point of contact was. "There, see? You had it." he tells you, handing you back the controller after he'd gotten you past your obstacle.

! ── It would be several years before you'd see Hayden again, but you didn't forget him or his extraordinary kindness. He had a way with words, a way of making you feel heard and important. That doesn't change at all— he hasn't changed at all. Besides the way he looks at you now that you're all grown up, established in the world as your own person. Ewan thinks to reintroduce you to Hayden, but he didn't forget your name. Exclaiming it even as he pulls you into a polite embrace, relaying to you he hardly recognized you, that you look great, etc. Just like that, your raging crush is back. Like it never left.

! ── It picks at you until you act on it, until you confess to Hayden you've always had a thing for him. You're both older now, which means you're not so ashamed of yourself, but can look back on it as normal childhood feelings. You're thankful your fantasies were never answered until now. "A crush? On me?" he asks in entertained disbelief, gesturing to himself. "Yes! Obviously," you insist, "You were always so nice to me. Watching out for me when my dad was working later than he thought. How could I not? C'mon," "I'm not judging you," he assures, and he shrugs, "I just... didn't know is all." It's apparent he doesn't know what to do with this information. "Does that make you uncomfortable?" "Yes and no." "Why?" He meets your eyes. There's a tentativeness to his countenance, a debate behind his gaze over whether or not he should say his next words, if they're appropriate, if they'll be received well. "Because I've got a crush on you now."

! ── Going through your normal stages of adolescence, experiencing the journey of discovering your sexuality, exploring it as an adult with your own autonomy— there was always that inkling in the back of your mind reminding you of your lingering childhood crush on Hayden Christensen. How you've never felt anything for anyone as intensely as you did for him. Those buried feelings manifest when you finally allow them to roam, sweeping you up and away. He'd invited you to his trailer to catch up, and you end up on top of him.

[foxyfexyll]

the rest of my af attacks for this year!!!!

first part here lol

for ( in order of appearance, left to right top down, listing af user if not tagged) *deep breath* @/Zenitsuwu, @tokou-loid, @ryugure, @doodledrawsthings, @bugg-bones, @/Angelwithashotgun699, @/Chanacabra + @witheringblooddemon + @/strikixit, @/vampiric_ashes, @/FaL_, @gato1528 + @/miimoki + @/everlastingkira

phewwwwww now i don't have an excuse to put off summer stuff lol. this was such a blast! THANK YOU to all the ppl who attacked me it's such an honour <3 <3 <3 orz

(stats + more thoughts under cut)

i reached my goal (from jul 15) to at least double the amount i had then! next year (CUZ IM TOTALLY DOING THIS NEXT YEAR) i want to reach at least the same amount! ik some ppl out there got upwards of 40? to maybe a hundred ish? i know my limits sorry. this was after a long period of art block so overall i'm rly proud (and also rly thankful of the cool dudes who drew for me aaaa )

(overall stats = current stats for obv reasons)

i ALMOST did two little quicky doodles for some tumblr folk i didn't realize were also on af in like the last hour? and it wouldve broken me past 2k points? but i missed the chance. 18 still looks nice on the site page tho

if i learned anything it was how to be a bitty itty speedier at the drawing process. i streamlined my strats and made colouring a less daunting task. tbh my quality did decrease near the end (sry to the people there) but i did get okayer at not exhausting myself for every piece. also i learned that i gotta get better at lighting and figuring that out before starting the comp,,,

[potahun]

Mysterious Lotus Casebook and the Analogies to Being Queer

this is not breaking new grounds or anything, there seems to be broad consensus in the (tumblr) fandom that LHL is a lot about being queer. there is also this brilliant meta by @seventh-fantasy about the jianghu being a queer space, which i love, and which dealt with the gender perspective for li lianhua in particular

having that in mind, i want to say how much i love that li lianhua and fang duobing's stories feel like analogies to two different queer experiences

we see li xiangyi in a few flashbacks and in how others viewed him before the east sea battle 10 years ago. we know he became the n°1 swordsman in the world, established a para-judiciary system and order in an otherwise lawless jianghu, that he used to duel just to win the right to pick flowers from someone's garden as gifts for every single lady in the sigu sect, and that he dated qiao wanmian and intended to marry her (judging by that flashback where he's seen drinking with shan gudao and the boys)

a lot of it is very heteronormative, and even a bit performative. and i don't want to say it's not genuine, i actually rly like the idea that many of those actions felt perfectly real to him at the time, and i genuinely think he had that show-off streak in him when he was a teenager

but regardless, everything about li xiangyi follows the heteronormative expectations of society, including his achievements, which command, among other things, admiration for his fighting prowess and his ability to establish rules. which is of course, ironic, as pointed out in the meta referenced above, since the jianghu itself does not follow those rules (and we slowly learn in the story that there was criticism of him for this even in-story).

but then we get to li lianhua, who does not fight, but cooks, learned to sew, to plant flowers, turns down every lady who looks his way, and who does not interfere in jiang hu matters if he can help it. and in particular, we get the conversation he has with qiao wanmian in ep 18, where she confronts him about his identity and asks him:

"if you'd already come back, why did you never reunite with us?"

and his reply is:

"all of this is so far in the past, now. i'm very tired. i just want to be free."

li lianhua is constantly put in contrast with li xiangyi. where li xiangyi performs, li lianhua just exists in the jianghu. where li xiangyi fulfils expectations and surpasses them, li lianhua turns his back to expectations. where li xiangyi establishes a domain and protects, li lianhua wanders freely, all by himself. where li xiangyi conforms to heteronormative standards, li lianhua doesn't.

we know that li lianhua is an unreliable narrator in that his opinion on his own past is biased, his knowledge incomplete. and he lies. almost compulsively. but there are also truth bombs that he drops between the lies. i personally believe that his willingness to detach himself from all the expectations thrown upon him and to finally exist away from norms, is part of those truths.

and this is very close to a type of queer experience, where you come out of some event or another in your twenties, suddenly realise you're queer and oh my god, it's time to live differently. and you start rejecting the norms and maybe your old friends wonder what got into you.

in the same conversation in ep 18, the following exchange happens between li lianhua and qiao wanmian:

LLH: "when we met each other, I was young and ignorant. I didn't understand what the feelings i felt for you were, either." QWM: "what do you mean? are you saying... you never loved me?" LLH: "back then, we were young. nothing of what we said then can still count now."

it can be interpreted in different ways, but it sure fits a queer narrative extremely well. the feelings were real, but he didn't understand whether they were romantic or not, he just followed the norms. but things are different now.

enters fang duobing

fang duobing feels like a different queer narrative. by family background, fang duobing is a person who has equal ties to the imperial court as he does to the jiang hu. the emperor and his family wants to engage him to the princess of the court, a perfectly normal thing in the societal context he lives in, and a luck few can hope to have. what does he do?

flee

i often joke that fang duobing's sexuality is to be a detective on the jianghu, but it really does feel like that kind of narrative. fang duobing never has any doubt that his place is away from the rules of the imperial court. In ep. 1, he tells his servants:

don't worry. once your young master makes a name for himself as a renown detective on the jianghu, they {his parents} will understand that, compared to the imperial court, i am much more suited for the jiang hu.

and yes, this is about escaping the rigidity of the court as such, but it's also analogous for the freedom to be who you are, to be queer, to not conform.

and fang duobing never backtracks. his parents want him to conform, and they want him to have the comfort that comes with this lifestyle. he rejects it thoroughly and consistently.

it's also interesting that in ep 25, once they meet the princess and they have gone through a case together, fang duobing still rejects the idea of the wedding. when li lianhua tells him "the jianghu is a place full of grudges and sinister schemes. why not become a carefree consort prince?"

fang duobing only looks forlorn and retorts "li lianhua, can you never say that again, please?"

in contrast, though, he has no qualms planning his whole life on the jianghu with li lianhua in ep. 15. so this is not about settling down with someone.

it feels very close to being confidently queer and knowing it from a very early age, and then rejecting the heteronormative expectations thrown upon you with assurance.

...

anyway, so what i want to say is: li lianhua is a tired millenial who discovered he was queer in his mid-twenties after a mild depression; fang duobing is a gen-z baby queer who doesn't know his queer history but is so confidently queer and he's never looking back

[ikoarts]

April 2023 Art

a month without digital art!!!!! wow!!!!

vvv dates + info under the cut vvv

1 - 01/04/2023 : the murder mystery sonic game thingy came out, uh, probably april 1st, i wanted to draw Toni in Rouge's fit :)

2-5 - 14-15/04/2023 : was drawing past 1am here.. oo hard lad... sum Robins, was figuring out his design again, both pre and post escape (dramatic), also some koopaz coz they were on my mind

6, 7, 8 - 16/04/2023 : Pumpkin in his gamer fit, a random Cheryl, and a doodle of Iggy n Lemmy which i love, like why are they like that

9-13 - 19-20/04/2024 : ig i was doing a lot of nightly drawing, i will just stop mentioning it now x ,, moar Lemmies, Caspians which i love, and another Shape Japer hehe..... weirdgirl...

14-17 - 20-21/04/2023 : some more Maeda doodles, Robin wiv da gun, one of my fave doodles of the year i think, then him with his little sisters, and an Amelia bc i wanted to see how id draw her now, aaand lastly, a Toni which im in love with.. like madam......... blushes and sobs furiously on the floor

18, 19 - 24/04/2023 : a lammy aaand a link, i wanted to draw lammy with some kinda wacky expression, i think i delivered x ,, 2nd is Link i think in the mario movie version of peach's wedding dress, i thought it was funny, like yea go save the world in that gayboy

20-24 - 24-25/04/2023 : sum blood..... and a nice one of Robin getting his hair cut by Raven :) a Cheryl being a girlboss (fucking horrible in every way), a Noah which i love.. little gamer boy thinks only of sans... and a little classic lemmy. what is he doing

25 - 26/04/2023 : a lemmy i looove, i love the pose and his expression and so on, if theres 1 thing id change it would just be his eyebrows, just like swap them over coz it makes more sense with his expression, but other than that, slay?

26, 27 - 27/04/2023 : Heidi n Caspian, tbh ik theyd be besties.. i rly like this Heidi, shes so.... u kno..... also i like to imagine Cass turns his life around and starts working at a bakery, he discovers a hidden skill :) bad boys changing for the better and being gentle despite their hard exterior >>>>

[unlimitedbutchworks]

Hi! I'm getting married (soonish, we haven't set a date yet) to a transfemme who is early in their transition. I met them when they were 18 and j a depressed anxious socially awkward nerd and over the past like ~year I've watched them blossom into themself (it's magical). But as a tme person sometimes i feel like I'm not fit to be the main person supporting them during this journey, bc they don't have any irl tgirl/transfem friends.

Do you have any suggestions? I'm always trying to learn more about transmisogyny. I took them to get an affirming haircut by a woman I met on Lex, I help with makeup. I've been trying to help them make friends bc they still do have like, a diagnosed social phobia lol. I think it'd be good if I WASNT the main support for this stuff in many ways. And they are like 10x as confident now that they present more authentically, but it's a process. And idk. I know them rly well and love them a lot but I worry sometimes that I'm somehow hurting them or doing the wrong thing.

I know I can't do everything for them (codependency lol) but I want to be the best partner I can be. I'm always asking what they want but sometimes it's like, j figuring out as we go bc it's all new. So what would YOU want from a tme partner ig? How do you assume I could be helpful, better, etc?

Feel free not to respond if this is too much. I don't mean to be putting too much on you. I'm just trying to treat my fiance better and better each day (failing sometimes).

hello and congrats!!! first off this is so touching and aaaa. my god. anyway.

it sounds like you’re really on the right track for sure :) friends are extremely important especially for ppl in minority groups that make socializing harder, so trying to help to her get out of her shell and get to know other people is certainly a great idea; both because she deserves having something of a social group, and because like you say, trans friends can be really critical. i can’t speak with authority since I don’t know you & your situation, but it could definitely help with supporting her and whatnot; i value my transfem friends irl a lot and they’re wonderful with buoying my transition. im not sure id say you’re ‘not fit’ for it unless you dont want to be, since there’s a lot of ways to support and be there for someone’s transition. my femme is tme and she has been wonderful with my transition and helping me explore different gender stuff by helping me with womens clothes, sometimes a little makeup, and her support when im mixing things up with my presentation. she’s happy to change and play with her vocab too; when i realized i like being called pretty from time to time now she works it into when she’s teasing me or being sweet, things like that.

as far as other things id want to see in a tme partner, the willingness to look at transmisogyny and learn about it and work it over is pretty important to me; but it sounds like you’re already working on this, so just keep your mind open with a clear heart. if you make a mistake, trust that you can learn from it and move on. id also say to let her be the one to define and speak about her transition and her past as well, and not to get tripped up on gender too much; i had an ex who was a lesbian and hated hearing me talk about my past as a boy. was very unfortunate. so keep an open mind and if you don’t understand something or you’d like to understand more, try not to be too afraid to ask; I can’t speak for her exactly, but I can say i really don’t mind getting asked about gender stuff or transmisogyny since it shows that someone cares and also gives me a chance to make sure we’re on the same page. and also, while this may be a little risqué, so long as she’s not ace or something id think about making sure you touch and love on her body holistically. a lot of trans women don’t get touched like how cis and other women do, so don’t be afraid to get a little handsy if she doesn’t mind it. having our bodies be actively wanted (touching sides, thighs, etc) can be really very wonderful when we’re taught that we’re repulsive in every way that matters.

so tl;dr: getting her more friends is a great idea for a milieu of reasons! don’t walk on eggshells with transmisogyny too much, just keep an open mind and maybe think about biases sometimes but don’t let it get to your beat and beat you up over it. but I think your concern sounds like it might be a sign that you care and are gonna try, and if that’s the case then approach any issues that come up from an angle of love and i think it should buff out. anyone wanna chime in in the replies?

[kuromi-hoemie]

long personal (?) rant bc im stoned and I Wanna Talk About It because i never get to talk about it !! 😤

i feel better now that i talked about it :3

i wish people who grew up with, or at least encountered, ghosts were a lot more common. i feel like u get so many more interesting questions once you've moved past a simple "do ghosts exist?"

they were a v regular thing from when i was in 4th grade up till i moved out at 18, and even then i still come across stuff sometimes here and there a decade later. i also had a friend who was a medium and my prev landlord was a witch and the world is so interesting!!

like just w ghosts it's crazy to think about how there's this barely perceivable reality that overlays ours but in some places/circumstances u interact with it and it w you, but there's layers 2 it bc ghosts r everywhere all the time but u wouldn't notice it. u just do Sometimes.

and my mom would do readings for ppl and do a questions n answers sorta thing where she'd let something/someone control her arm 2 write the responses n they'd b p specific and were 100% accurate. and my medium friend just straight up could See them and we actually met bc my guardian spirit jumped out at her and Needed 2 tell me something, and we stepped aside n actually had a long personal chat akdjfkak it was a good life changing one tho i was lowkey suicidal n needed to hear it. (i got better after btw and a gal's loving life (❁´◡`❁) i was just in a really rough place 16-18 (⁠´⁠-⁠﹏⁠-⁠`⁠；⁠))

but like! on top of ghosts, there really is a whole guardian spirit system i know nothing about besides the fact that it exists.

and then there's psychics of various kinds that interact w The Universe™ in their own ways. i haven't tried to do the automatic writing thing since i was a teen but i do have my own divination system i made up w a normal deck of cards, I used a pendulum too but my cards r just comfier n faster paced :3 and then there's qi and i remember doing an exercise that's supposed 2 introduce u 2 manipulating it and i remember my hands felt weird n warm afterwards and when i ran them over my arms it felt like static from a balloon n made my hairs react to it 0:

and my witch friend could do distant healing n reiki, but she could do a bunch of other stuff too n had her whole belief system/framework she was working with. she was a rly sweet old gal (⁠✿ ‚‚⌒‿⌒‚‚) very private about her practices though she was kinda ostracized for it growing up so she doesn't actually Talk about it much. i asked her 2 teach me a few times 😹 the distant healing session was fun n she told me when she found me in the astral plane i was like o hey!! and gestured 2 her like i was inviting her into a party and let her right in.

she got a rly interesting visual of me i have written down in detail somewhere from when we talked about it after, and it's just crazy to think about the different ways people interact with *gestures vaguely* like?? we connected in a way i wouldn't have imagined was a thing.

as a space nerd i love thinking about how the universe is So Big and the concept of alternate universes, but then i remember that just being Here on Earth is so interesting!! what is going on w these subtle realities, how r we interacting w them, how do u get to go deeper here. I've been slowly chipping away at it since my years at home trying 2 understand but sm of it has been through observation and interaction and reading, Mostly reading as an adult since i don't get to observe directly as often.

by now i have a p good framework 2 work with for making sense of everything i know so far, but i feel like a huge hole in my research is doing and learning stuff on the witch side of things. Like daoism was a lot easier to dive into and is the closest to how i understand things but i wanna know more about being a witch and being a psychic and i want to be more interactive.

I am forever just wanting 2 learn (⁠〒⁠﹏⁠〒⁠) this has been something of a lifelong journey i pick up at different times in my life. like u can't go from experiencing a childhood like that and be satisfied with leaving it at that, I have so many questions!! my overarching goal has been getting far enough to be able 2 actually Ask a question and figure out how 2 get more info frm the source ykwim.

and then another thing is how under specific circumstances i unintentionally conjure (or attract?) malevolent spirits and it happens like once every five years (⁠￣⁠ヘ⁠￣⁠;⁠) i kind of understand what initiates that so i know how to avoid it, but what about the opposite? how do i conjure or attract something benevolent? why is this a thing that i do at all?? what r The Mechanisms behind this.

the tinkerer in me is going mad at knowing all of this is Right There but i don't know how to do much with it 😹 YET anyways 😼 a gal's been busy!! just kinda waiting for life 2 settle down a bit and i think when I've moved into my next place I'll have the capacity/time for it. i wanna learn about witch stuff but it's so hard lol. conversations I've had w them in passing have been crazy but if u try 2 look online without knowing What To Look For there's sm new age garbage ajdjdjak. i don't want some superficial bs i want The Framework babes i wanna go A-Z w it and fully rotate it in my mind and reconcile it w my current understanding. i want to make things less abstract!!

[oathkeeperoxas]

Hello Serie!!! I would love to hear about 10, 18, and 20 for the behind the scenes asks. <3<3<3

10. Do you enjoy writing dialogue, exposition, or plot the most?

Exposition-->dialogue---->plot

I CAN write plot but like... its hard lmao. Much more filling and satisfactory to throw characters with their messy emotions at each other until some sort of conclusion happens

18. What is a line/scene you’re really proud of? Give us the DVD commentary for that scene.

uhhhh well the thing is I have a Bad memory for things I have posted and so as soon as I post them the content is Gone from my brain... with some rare exceptions. Basically the entirety of invidia sticks out to me as good in like, a composition way, as I feel like I combo'd plot, vibes, metaphor, backstory, crunchy ideas and tension in a really neat way. But you already know that, so instead I'll talk about some of my oneshots from my codywan on tatooine series (I can't just pick one sorry they are my babies)

in what's real and going on below I finalised a few thoughts about how I was going to process trans Obi-Wan in not only that verse, but basically ALL of my writing. Slapping characters with my trans headcanons is all well and good, but over the last year and a half I've put a lot of myself into him 🥺 and I've basically teetered between going full wish fulfilment and then yoyoing back to my reality and everything in between. So much fic with trans characters has pregnancy as a straight up part of the integral plot, as if that is the only time we're allowed to be visible outside of porn - giving myself permission to explicitly push back against that as someone who has 0 desire to ever be pregnant was very cathartic. Writing Obi-Wan saying NO it is not possible for him to be pregnant and even if he could be he would not WANT to be, was just... a lot, and I didn't expect it to be! Not to say that I will never write about a trans pregnant person (I literally have pregnant Obi-Wan fic posted right now) but freeing myself from that expectation even to myself was quite the weight off that I didn't even realise was there. On a less serious note I also enjoy this fic as it was born out me memeing to myself when editing chapter 1 of darkest before the dawn and going 'lmao they rly just fucked raw and Cody didn't give ONE thought to the possible consequences. sex ed on kamino must be shit' so also following up on that was satisfying from a writing/plot perspective

in a state of constant repair there was a lot going on - it was fun to do from a composition view as it is kinda a 5+1 fic with the snippets taken from across the entire timeline of the series it belongs in, and getting to revisit some of the earlier era was fun, especially to look at where the gaps were and what happened offscreen, and what I actually wanted to show onscreen. My favourite part was tying up all the threads that I had dropped in the previous 150k of the series regarding the history that Cody and Obi-Wan were writing of the war and the TRUE story of the clones, which I started in darkest before the dawn and expanded a little on within Evolve | Revolve and which made me go yess hahaha yesssss because I am quite taken with history, have studied it and contributed to it, and throwing my irl interests in with my fandom interests sparks joy! So giving that power, closure, and release to Cody through the ability to write his own history and choose his own story just, slaps very hard okay

in sky's a changin' I think I am quite proud of how I threaded the needle of all the topics I wanted to cover - Luke's questioning of his past, his father, his name, and where he came from, versus his burgeoning understanding of the Force, of Ben and Cody, and of the mysterious past that he's starting to see that binds them all together. He's growing up! Getting all that info together in a way that felt organic and fit into a fic under 5k felt like a real achievement.

What’s your favourite minor character you’ve written?

BERU!! Me starting my codywan on tatooine series like yeah she's there, meanwhile she storms up to me, shakes me and tells me her entire character like WHAT happened there. Then she was ready to blast guys in the Kenobi show too which made me all the more fond of her <3

Thank you for the questions!!!

Behind the scenes writer's ask meme

[sanchoyo]

arc v episodes 41-50 thoughts! :3

-41 answered a Lot of my questions and raised more, just like every other ep in the last stretch, lol. so, reiji got to academia when he was younger! (unclear how young exactly, but he looked between 14-15 if im being generous…? it said it was 3 years ago I think, so that puts him around 18? he looks older than 18 imo adjkf make him more babyfaced…) using a portal? did he build it or did he find it from where his dad mustve come thru it?

-interestingly, he says to his dad something like 'you abandoned me and mom!' …no mention of layra? were they not born yet? are they possibly an adopted refugee from xyz dimension? I say adopted bc 1. layra is clearly traumatized by SOMETHING and I think a War would fucking do that. 2. assuming they hadnt been born yet and his dad stayed in fusion dimension, his mom either got a new partner (and, we havent seen her with anyone else? except. maybe the bodyguard JKDSHKJF hes my other suspect. but then that wouldnt explain why theyre so TRAUMATIZED, either.) …or LEO had a kid with a woman in fusion world and tried to train them as a child soldier and reiji saved his new sibling?? like he was trying to save serena? I dont KNOW yet these are my Theories tho based on what weve been shown. yet layra is def older than 3 yrs old LMAO so where'd they come from...

-reiji's dad gives a vague statement like 'its to fuse the dimensions/combine them' or something. ok? how does that benefit you sir, and why is turning everyone from xyz into cards going to help with that? we keep seeing a big machine, and what looks like cards(?) being fed into it (I have to assume the cards ppl are trapped in) …many questions

-i KNOWWWW all the fusion kids are heavily indoctrinated so its hard for me to be mad at serena or sora, honestly, its clear she thinks leo is keeping her captive bc she thinks he thinks shes not strong enough. which is Wrong, clearly he wants to Use Her for Something, but she obv doesnt think that yet and wants to PROVE HERSELF just like sora wanted to do… reiji says smth like 'if you dont team up with me now we'll be enemies' which. I ALSO get since he wants to protect HIS city/world from his own father (very fucked and sad) its TOUGH though bc I like both of them n i dont want them to fight! she KNOWS reiji wanted to help her escape when she was little! AUGH. it hurts :( Im sure theyll be buds by the end of the series but Still I want them to be friends NOW!!!

-ok yuzu's dad being so HYPED to see her on tv being like 'THERE SHE ISSSS MY LITTLE GIRL SHES SO CUTE IM SO PROUD YESSS LOOK AT HER!!!' ME. ME TOO DUDE. WE ARE THE SAME. I KIN HER DAD NOW. I LOVE yuzu and want her to WIN!!!!

-'i'll never duel like I did against kachidoki again' yuya honey its ep 41 as I'm pausing to type this. You Absolutely Will. you're in a yugioh series. Be Genre Aware. you WILL go crazy Go Wild again. sorry! (i'm sure you and yuto will figure it out and itll be FINE in the end, but willing to bet it happens 2-3 more times before then

-interesting theres something called obelisk force…its been a MINUTE since I watched gx, but all of the dorms were named after slifer, obelisk, and ra, right? so…it implies the god cards still exist(ed?) in this world for fusion dimension to have called this force that, right? so dm..happened? ? is dm just the past of the fusion dimension, then? (but also, 5ds is implied to be the future from gx and exists separately somehow in another dimension and!!! AUGH!!! BRAIN WORKING SO HARD TO TRY TO GUESS HOW THIS ALL WORKS)

-leo implies he KNOWS why serena looks like yuzu but tells sora he doesnt need to know. but has he considered /i/ want to know. pls.

-very surprised sora is coming back this early at all, or is healed….i expected it to be a While! I hope yuzu and yuya talk him out of taking serena back tbh. theyre FRIENDS and he rly seemed to genuinely LIKE them. bet they'll have an Angsty duel over it…yuzu's dad immediately being like 'dw we'll get sora back!' he rly does kin me. sir we've been on the same wavelength since ep 1. hes my self insert

-ok yuya's mom makes me so uncomfortable with the constant 'michy' stuff. lady hes the same age as your son, chill…and root for your actual son, tf. cringefail mom

-can I just say how I love in entertainment dueling everyone has a Gimmick. theres samurais. there's literal Knights. idol girl duelists. its so FUN, of course you'd have a THEME to stand out! to an extent its always been that way for pro duelists in ygo I feel like, or at least ppls decks reflected them a bit, and this feels like a natural progression of that. like, yuya leans into the circus theme a BIT but he could commit more to it imo. bring back the full clown outfit from ep 1. or a ringleader outfit like his dad seems to have? thatd be FUN. -actually, do you think he knows Circus Stuff? like can yuya juggle. can he ride a unicycle. can he make balloon animals. etc. go all in or go home.

-ok…so reiji's plan to keep the city from panicking about the other dimensional invaders looking for serena is…to turn the city into a huge duel grounds for a battle royale for the tournament. surely the entire city's population isnt in that stadium/indoors… I GUESS he trusts his lil squad to go duel them all, but we already know all the duelists who are in the tournament will be involved and have to step in since theyre the main characters…why not just?? tell them too?? I feel like theyd all be willing to duel to Save Their City & be able to keep it secret..surprising them with it is a dick move.

-i know. i KNOW before even checking that every single human person whos watched this show sees olga and thinks the same damn thing. shes an elsa anna frozen fusion. but she IS! SHE IS!!!! JSDKFJJK.

-the kid yuzu is dueling is SO cute. the ENGLISH LMAO. WHY IS IT RANDOM ENGLISH WORDS AND NOT TURKISH OR KURDISH?? hes from anatolia! his clothes dont look quite right from what I can tell, either… confused. but at least hes super nice despite my..qualms about how he's being portrayed otherwise…yuya, meanwhile, is dueling some ASSHOLES.

-btw can I just say I appreciate the pacing here? showing multiple duels with minor charas in one ep so we can get to the more important ones faster? not that I SUPER mind fillerish eps lol

-dennis…from BROADWAY LDS?? like CALIFORNIA?? I mean he has an incredibly American Name so. I assume thats right but…lmao. american guy. tbh when he got penalized for entering a duel and lost 2000 lp, yuya shouldve lost that duel. he was down to 200 lp, the other player was going to win before dennis did that. why is yuya not out entirely? idc if the opposing duelists are dicks. they werent CHEATING or anything, having him stay in and DENNIS ONLY getting penalized is stupid. I KNOW I'm supposed to want to take yuyas side here, and I do let a good bit of 'bc hes the protag!' bullshit slide (like always magically getting the right cards, thats ygo standard! but stuff like this annoys me…sometimes its ok for him to take the L. (ok, and I still think itd be funny for a protag not to win a championship thing…)

-dennis said 'yeehaw' while riding his monster. this deserved its own mention

-dennis was able to snap yuya out of his lil Moment, which is Good. he IS an accurate portrayal of a californian, tho. I will not elaborate.

-ep 44 called sora attacks. insert the 'we are fucking under attack' meme (NO BUT REALLY I DIDNT REALIZE I MISSED HIM SO MUCH. I GUESS. HES MY SONBOY NOW. JDKHFJKN GLAD HES COMING BACK!! MENTALLY PREPPING!! FOR ANGST)

-halil and olga and michio are all such cute minor charas i want them to be a bff trio…

-immediately the way dennis cornered yuzu gave me HIVES where did he pull that rose from. it didnt feel like he was hitting on her like the parents thought (btw yoko continues to be extremely Weird about kids her sons age…eugh), it felt vaguely Bad Vibes. why was it framed like that D: cannot say I trust him very much now! (esp since he very quickly introduced himself as yuyas friend…then again. americans are Kind of Like that. I speak from experience when I say when I talk about acquaintances to other ppl ill be like 'oh my friend said/did this or that' SO. CANNOT RLY TALK PERSONALLY.)

-halil's english is better than dennis's and dennis is supposed to be american, lmao

-yuya and shun talking abt all the dimensional stuff/yuto on live tv…just air all the laundry guys. (but also, reiji very quickly cut the feeds when the academia warriors showed up, so…good for him to keep public panic down ig…even tho im of the opinion maybe the public Should Know, tbh)

-sora being in charge of a bunch of fusion goons that look like grown ass adults LMAO imagine taking orders from a 13 yr old. embarrassing

-'thats against the rules!' is the funniest thing you could say as a reaction to seeing your friend get turned into a duel monster card before your very eyes.

-lunalights are so godamn cute im going to DIE if I dont make a deck of them immediately

-ohhkay there was a visual of yuya and yuto walking side by side and the pendulum necklace swinging between them. this is symbolism right. theyre the two sides of the swinging scale, but their feelings of rage are united in this little duel against obelisk force (yuto seeing heartlanders get carded, yuya seeing the knights earlier get carded) …i SAID EARLIER yuya repressing emotions is BAD (smile when u wanna cry is BAD advice) and this feels like. well. 2 of their Rages Overlayed (hehe xyz metaphor) but really…not unjustified rage? what the fusion dimension is doing is fucked up! its ok! to be mad about it and fight back!

-ok, the entire city got SEALED OFF FOR THE BATTLE ROYALE. ENTIRELY. TOTALLY INSANE THING TO DO REIJI, BUT I GET IT. its keeping people safe. but i imagine the ppl of the city are like, majorly inconvenienced over this…it only last 24 hours, right? still would be Annoying

-yoko could you act fucking concerned about your son instead of being weird about teenagers. for ONE second. then she made a very fucking gross racial comment about halil TOO MY GOD throw this whole woman away that is so creepy and bad. i wanted to like her bc she adopts lil animals and stuff and is involved which is rare for a ygo parent, but them playing these comments for jokes is legit making me grossed out and mad

-'you may not exit during the battle royale' WHAT. I GET THE REAL REASON WHY. BUT NO WAY PPL WOULD STAY IN A STADIUM 24 HOURS STRAIGHT. AT LEAST NOT EVERYONE…TF.

-yugo seems so confused constantly and I relate. 'every time this glows I get teleported!' dude. sound a little more worried! also something very funny about everyone constantly misnaming him and the SUBTITLES ALSO DOING IT BY CALLING HIM HUGO. also just revving his bike aggressively like 'STOP BEING UNCONSCIOUS' LMAO??? hes so funny already. also his hair color combo is so cute, 2nd fav yu design next to yuri so far (cannot beat pink+purple combo, tho)

-hey. gongenzaka pinning yuya while theyre both pinned under a column and yuya thrashing and yelling n growling while his eyes are glowing? straight out of the fucking exorcist. huge fan of whatever the hell is going on. then everyones pinning him, HE BIT AND PUNCHED SOMEONE TRYING TO ESCAPE. VERY very concerned as to why the hell hes suddenly a fucking Demon but alright! kind of obsessed with the vibes of that. More Feral Protags in general

contender for funniest screenshot yet. seriously, there had better be a ton of paranormal aus for this shit since its CANON hes posessed by Some Sort of Demon, right.

-OK…so meiru is legit, since she can see two souls in yuya…AND SOME KIND OF DARKNESS TRYING TO 'OVERWHELM THE TWO SOULS' WHAT THE HELL IS THAT. SOME KIND OF OUTER DIMENSIONAL DEMON?? (this is ygo, so it would be some kind of evil Card Spirit or something I Bet…) CHRIST DID NOT EXPECT THAT. DO AN EXOCISM FOR THAT AND LEAVE YUTO IN THERE…WE CAN ALL BE BUDS AFTER THAT

-aww the ninjas are surprisingly chill bros! I really really like them ;w; just guys who help for the sake of being good and kind!!

-is he…….u know…..

?

-I get the logic behind yuzu and serena switching clothes and appreciate serena being at least willing to try to hear shun out. however, how would u realistically mistake them for each other w their hair being SO different even when their faces are the Same. and also, so far, yuzu and serena didnt have the same reaction yuto/yuzu had. to be FAIR those boys didnt freak out and go murdery until their monsters resonated in a duel, I think. still, it cracks me up how RATIONAL and calm the girls were scheming together. yuzu real protag for real now that yuya is possessed. he must be the damsel yuzu saves from his own inner demons. >:3

-dennis is with yuri/fusion world. knew he was sus. never trust an american (wait is he fr american or just pretending LMAO has he ever actually been to broadway. I need to know)

-WHY THE HELL WERE THEY SLEDDING IN A BATHTUB? WHERE DID THEY GET THAT.

-yuzu thinking yuri is yugo. my god this series like like. the parent trap x4… 'ruri and rin' so now we have all (4) yuya and yuzu counterpart names, right? …weird how yuya's are all yu names but serena, rin, yuzu, and ruri seem to have..no naming scheme in common that I can tell?? maybe it's one of those things that makes more sense when reading it in japanese or something…

-oh my god yugo is THEE definition of 'idk whats going on but its FUCKED and im gonna HELP without THINKING' HE IS PERFECT.

-WOW. shingo forced himself into reijis lil batcave . love that for him, yes come back to the plot!!! force your way into the plot!!!

-cannot stop laughing over yuzu just teleporting yuri away. goodbye forever!

-yuya confirmed yuto isnt whats making him go crazy, it for SURE is some kind of Demon (HIS OWN WORDS.) I…my theory so far was smth abt both of them together and their feelings mixing was what was causing it bc of some kind of interdimensional clash or smth. but nope. demon. where did it COME FROM. WHY IS IT IN HIM?? HOW LONG AS IT BEEN IN HIM?? WEVE NEVER HAD HINT OF IT BEFORE THE OTHER YU'S SHOWED UP.

-I WONDER if its the reason he can pendulum summon? how does that ability fit in? this dimension is 'standard' apparently and all the other summoning methods are here. in all other 3 dimensions, theres only (1) method. so. either 'standard' is actually 'pendulum' dimension and something happened where all the other dimensions kinda leaked in, or…theres another?? dimension?? or pendulum is smth…from outside of the main 4…? are we SURE there's only four, bc I know Link Summoning is also a thing in later series, lol... (also..it is called arc v..v being a roman numeral for 5, right?...or?? does it stand for smth at all? gonna be real honest, I still dont kno what the gx or 5ds in gx/5ds stood for. lol)

-ok, crazy theory…its from outside of the dimensions (like, a… space eldritch being) that snuck into this one and got into yuya like yuto seems to be (is…yuto going to be able to get out of yuya at any point btw JKSDHFK how conscious is he at any given time? ? is he like. like hes ALIVe right, kind of…in spirit form for some reason, unclear on details. can we take him back to xyz world n he'll be able to pop out again. JSADSJDFK REMAINING HOPEFUL. I cant even be sad about him 'dying' bc i still dont. believe he is dead for reals)

-yuya's demon is obv evil and malicious. actually, BOTH YUTO /AND/ YUGO earlier had the 'kill destroy bite kill' eye glowy moment. so it begs the question if the demon thing isnt in ALL of them somehow…ok, furthering my Theory, the demon split into 4s and went into all of them since they seem to be kinda the same personish but in diff dimensions/raised differently?? and maybe yuris more fucked up than the others bc 1. childhood indoctrination 2. giving into that Things influence more? dont rly know but this is my Theory given what we KNOW when im typing this (ep 47)

-yuya then goes on to say no matter what he will duel with smiles and stuff. $5 says hes gonna befriend that demon too s0 yami and yugi style. this is ygo I KNOW friendship can tame the Beast. or theyll rip it out and duel it. or have an 'inside your inner mind' duel with it. or something like that…have the other yu's had experiences with it or did it rly not start acting up until they met? hm

-the V in arc V stands for Very Curious…

-SHUN FELL DOWN THE STAIRS. OOF. rolled all the way down…………feel bad for laughing but I did . I laughed A Lot

-ok, the demon thing seems to respond to strong negative emotions (every time someone gets carded, sora not listening to yuya when he was trying to tell him this was wrong…) yuya was able to calm It Down by thinking of yuto's…last words…but like. he Needs to Feel His Feelings at some point. (and id argue being mad in this situation is perfectly justified, like, any other time, if he didnt have a rage demon in him?? feels a bit like a bruce banner/hulk situation…) I cant wait for the yuya learns yoga and meditation arc

-i knew sora and yuya were about to duel. he keeps saying 'we were NEVER friends I was just messing around whatever we cant become FRIENDS from a DUEL' have some genre awareness dude. ur gonna be friends. or else. (but also, he never seemed like he was malicious towards anyone in standard. hes actually told yuya to back off several times bc he . obv doesnt WANT to hurt him or prob didnt want him involved in the first place…theyre FRIENDSSS. i love ygo friend plots so much. makes me all warm and fuzzy :)c )

-we got layras first lil smile AAAAHG im so glad…baby deserves to smile (and it was bc the other kid said they were like reiji AWW cmon man. thats cute…)

-sorry, I just realized…has shingo been swapping his deck types each duel?? JASDHF LAST TIME IT WAS LIKE, FURRIES OR SOMETHING. NOW ITS DIFFERENT…. thats so funny, has there ever been a character to do that? (ik the protags usually get new cards over the course of the shows, but not entirely new decks…)

-ok, ok, it must be pointed out, while she was running from yuri, yuzu did some SICK flips (and she did some cool gymnastic moves in her duel with masumi), and sora did some sick flips too during his duel with yuya. in the entertainment duel school do they get taught gymnastics, too? like they must, right? very fun. side note, every time sora does these stupid little flips with his suckers in his mouth i keep worrying hes gonna choke JKSDHK

-'/I/ chased academia away!' yes shingo you absolutely did, great job bud.

-there was NO need for reiji to stand like this up there. lmao extra king

-yuya got worried when they all realized serena ISNT yuzu, then looked at sora (accusingly?) and sora immediately Ran Away. where u goin bud? going to find ur friend yuzu, perhaps?

-yuya rly said 'who gives a fuck abt the lancers. ppl are being CARDED, REIJI.' and CRIED. do NOT like yuya tears :( but also, he needs it. let it out dude, cry as much as u need to. this is scary and ur 14.

-holy shit, new op already??? uhhh op 1 still my favorite in terms of song for sure, but thats def new domino right? and JACK MY FRIEND JACK!!!! IN THE OPENING!!!!!! HIIIII JACK :D so excited…… it looks like yuzu's gonna be hangin out with yugo in new domino for a bit which is SO FUN!!! living such a hot girl summer with her many yu-friends

-im glad serena clarified it wasnt reiji's fault,, bc like. hes been trying to HELP nonstop and has been organizing stuff like the lancers for that. also, serena in general is just super cool and honest such a chad <3 (I do understand yuya being angry over this tho, he thinks yuzu was carded…)

-oh the abrupt duel between reiji and yuya when reijis just trying to explain what happened to heartland lol…ok? it was like. very sudden. I know its yuto inside of yuya getting worked up, but yuto is the one who was willing to explain it earlier to yuya many many eps ago, so..why is he suddenly freaking out? reiji kind of lacks tact but he wasnt being overly rude or anything, and he fr is just trying to protect their home, so…?? everyone CHOSE to fight, its not like reiji was puppeting them like yuya keeps saying tbh…you think any of ur friends wouldve sat around while their home was under attack?? feels like yuya is just upset and needs someone to direct it at whos in front of him, but its severely misdirected anger

-very funny shun and serena are just standing on the sidelines, calmly talking, while reiji and yuya are dueling. if anything the two of them should be the ones mad since theyre on opposite sides of a war, but theyre so…open to talking!! why are reiji and yuya the ones dueling lmao!!

-'I HavE nO inTEntION OF JOinING THE laNCErs' yuya says, then 5 seconds later: ed starts showing 'LANCER SELECTION' with yuya in the middle and hanging out with all of them LMAOOO ur the main character u dont get to Not Join the Little Mandatory Club to save the World. yaaay serena seems to be in it too! I kinda figured she would so not a huge surprise, considering shes been so willing to listen and have her mind changed p easily. I really like her, yuzu is still my fav girl in arc v but serena is Very Cool :)

-also, new ED is def my favorite out of the first 3! (guessing there'll either be 5 or 6 in the end, gonna try and keep track and rank them at the end...so far this 3rd ED and the first OP are my favs!)

[emodarylss]

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents?

I guess so????

02: Who did you last say “I love you” to?

My dad

03: Do you regret anything?

A lot of things. But I feel the most guilt and regret for not taking my late cat to the vet when she was obviously dying and sick

04: Are you insecure?

Oh absolutely

05: What is your relationship status?

Taken 🦏

06: How do you want to die?

lol anything but suicide, ana complications, or murder . Idk I guess old age or something would be best

07: What did you last eat?

Scrambled eggs, toast with butter

08: Played any sports?

Softball

09: Do you bite your nails?

All the time

10: When was your last physical fight?

I forget

11: Do you like someone?

Umm obviously and it’s mouse

12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours?

Yes😭

13: Do you hate anyone at the moment?

YES omg

14: Do you miss someone?

My cat

15: Have any pets?

One fatass cat and a beta fish

16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment?

Pooping

17: Ever made out in the bathroom?

lol yes in the school bathroom too it was embarrassing

18: Are you scared of spiders?

Yes but I like the Metallica Spider

19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?

Yes but also no because I wouldn’t be mouses gf

20: Where was the last place you snogged someone?

I forget but it was years ago I think

21: What are your plans for this weekend?

I’m gonna go home and work tomorrow and listen to my aepsa cd player

22: Do you want to have kids? How many?

Do cats count at kids? As many as possible without it getting overwhelming

23: Do you have piercings? How many?

One on each ear

24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)?

Science, English, psychology

25: Do you miss anyone from your past?

My late cat and my grandpa

26: What are you craving right now?

Nothing thankfully

27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart?

Not on purpose but I think so yes

28: Have you ever been cheated on?

Yes

29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?

Yes I think but not on purpose

30: What’s irritating you right now?

My friends mom

31: Does somebody love you?

Gee I hope (my butch)

32: What is your favourite color?

Red

33: Do you have trust issues?

Yes

34: Who/what was your last dream about?

Norman Reedus LOL

35: Who was the last person you cried in front of?

My dad

36: Do you give out second chances too easily?

Yes and I need to stop

37: Is it easier to forgive or forget?

Neither

38: Is this year the best year of your life?

Oh absolutely not it’s probably the worst LOL but at least I’m not back to alcohol

39: How old were you when you had your first kiss?

10

40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked?

As a baby

51: Favourite food?

Idk

52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason?

I don’t know

53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?

Text mouse

54: Is cheating ever okay?

Ok not rly unless ur s/o is like an asshole or whatever I guess?

55: Are you mean?

I can be and I hate myself for it

56: How many people have you fist fought?

Like 3

57: Do you believe in true love?

Yes

58: Favourite weather?

Thunderstorm & snow

59: Do you like the snow?

Yes

60: Do you wanna get married?

Yes

61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?

Personally I don’t like it very much but it’s ok I guess I won’t stop you???

62: What makes you happy?

Mouse and Norman Reedus and Roblox

63: Would you change your name?

Maybe idk

64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?

Yes

65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

Tell them I’m a lesbian

66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around?

I have no boy friends

67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to?

My friends dad

68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

My friend

69: Do you believe in soulmates?

I guess so

70: Is there anyone you would die for?

Mouse Maddie Luna Karl Elfie Bowie + 2 of my Twitter mutuals + one of my irl friends

70 horrible questions ... Fuck it

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents? 02: Who did you last say “I love you” to? 03: Do you regret anything? 04: Are you insecure? 05: What is your relationship status? 06: How do you want to die? 07: What did you last eat? 08: Played any sports? 09: Do you bite your nails? 10: When was your last physical fight? 11: Do you like someone? 12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours? 13: Do you hate anyone at the moment? 14: Do you miss someone? 15: Have any pets? 16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment? 17: Ever made out in the bathroom? 18: Are you scared of spiders? 19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? 20: Where was the last place you snogged someone? 21: What are your plans for this weekend? 22: Do you want to have kids? How many? 23: Do you have piercings? How many? 24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)? 25: Do you miss anyone from your past? 26: What are you craving right now? 27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart? 28: Have you ever been cheated on? 29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? 30: What’s irritating you right now? 31: Does somebody love you? 32: What is your favourite color? 33: Do you have trust issues? 34: Who/what was your last dream about? 35: Who was the last person you cried in front of? 36: Do you give out second chances too easily? 37: Is it easier to forgive or forget? 38: Is this year the best year of your life? 39: How old were you when you had your first kiss? 40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked? 51: Favourite food? 52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason? 53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? 54: Is cheating ever okay? 55: Are you mean? 56: How many people have you fist fought? 57: Do you believe in true love? 58: Favourite weather? 59: Do you like the snow? 60: Do you wanna get married? 61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? 62: What makes you happy? 63: Would you change your name? 64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? 65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? 66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? 67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? 68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? 69: Do you believe in soulmates? 70: Is there anyone you would die for?

[myg0thb1tchcamewitagl0ck]

im think im falling in love with my coworker, who is in downbad for my friend, but she has a bf...

the whole situation is messed upppp but let me explain

important context: im f, 17, said coworker is m, 21, my friend is f 17, a few months younger than i. i turn 18 this month. i usually only date women, so this (being downbad for some GUY?) is lowkey crazy. im also a lover girl thru nd thru, nd I have never had a casual fling, only life ruining relationships that usually end poorly for me because im attracted to rly shitty ppl.

so. theres this guy at work ive recently gotten so super close with, let's call him danny. we have very similar tastes in music, shows, humor, hes very compassionate, and funny and super cute (multiple girls at work think this unfortunately). we both like horror and conspiracy theories and books and yapping and video games and other cultures (he likes the women, I like the languages and history LOL). we worked together for a while before we started talking, but we started a few weeks ago nd havent stopped since. unfortunately what I found out is that he really likes this girl at work, lets call her jen. jen is my ethnicity, and she's a lot prettier than me. she's gorgeous and super funny, and gullible asf, she's everything I am but a thousand times more. her personality is addictive, and I can see why he likes her. she's quickly becoming one of my closest friends, as were both currently seniors at our local highschool.

this brings up the first complication: the age gap. danny would never do anything until either of us are 18 that much is clear- he is not Diddy.

complication 2: unfortunately for danny, even after jen turns 18, she currently has a boyfriend who she loves. however, said bf is super duper awful, an embarrassment to boyfriends everywhere, and I know danny thinks he could treat jen better. ive been friends with girls like jen before, I think that relationship probably still will last another year and a half, even tho ive tried to tell her to wake up nd break up like everyone else in her life.

complication 3: mine and dannys friendship started pretty innocently. I was trying to get with another coworker, a girl, and I was trying to help Danny and jen get together. so now I'm struggling tryna figure out how to move myself out of the friend zone to the "hey shes a possible romantic interest" zone without ruining our friendship

complication 4: I don't know that he is even attracted to me. I'm his type on paper, hispanic and a little bit emo, but I weigh significantly more than jen, and that definitely makes her more attractive to him. he's never dated a heavier person as far as I can tell, and I fear that's one of the biggest things in the way right now (literally and figuratively). I don't know, does weight matter that much to guys? for me personally size doesn't matter but I figure that's not the case for everyone..?? also even if that's not a factor, attraction isn't as simple as being someone's "type". if he's just not into me, that's hard to get past right?

[sociallyawkward--fics]

HEY BACK AGAIN. idk how long its been cuz mobile is trash but me n my friend were talking abt how we were in a lot of the same fandom spaces as kids. Sanders sides being one of them. n i was like..... Long shot but do u know sociallyawkward--fics.. n at first they were like no i dont think so.. but then they looked u up n went OH MY GOD YEA??? ill send u a screenshot off anon but i told them we were friends n they said it was like finding out i knew a celebrity LMAO -H (ironic considering theyre prob more popular on ao3 than u😭 they briefly turned back into a 12yo fanboy)

its still so crazy to me ive known u for so long n met him like 3-4 years ago worlds collide ..... Also u can post this though im off anon if u want idc -H

ALSO. since im here. idk if i ever told u my age but when i sent my first ask to u i was probably 11. maybe 10 even. im turning 18 in a couple months now. its hard to bring myself to read some of the asks (ok most of the asks) i sent u over the years bc i was an incredibly anxious and awkward autistic kid. But u always treated me with so much love hahakjs at the time i was rly struggling n had very few friends n AS MUCH AS IT MAKES ME CRINGE TO LOOK BACK ON u were honestly the only older person i could talk to n it rly meant a lot lol. im so much more confident n comfortable in myself than i was all those years ago n ik i dont send u asks nearly as frequently anymore but tbh even if eventually its only once every few years ill always think back on u so fondly n gratefully. Neway i literally hate being sappy so ill shut up here but yeah. Thanks n such -H

ALSO IDK IF UR ACTIVE ON AMY SOCIAL MEDIA RLY?? BUT IF U R I CAN GIVE U SOME OF MY SOCIALS mostly i just tweet abt my day occasionally on twitter but i also have a sideblog where i post art. just thinking that maybe then i wouldnt have to be like 'and heres a quick summary of the past 8 months' n u could check up on me whenever instead of only seeing me when i send asks😭 -H (its also so less formal cuz when i send in asks u Gotta respond whereas if i post 'just ate a kickass burger' u can just. Like it. idk idc either way but lmk ^__^)

-----------------------------------

I'VE BEEN MEANING TO ANSWER THESE FOR MONTHS SINCE I'VE BEEN USING TUMBLR AGAIN AND MY LACK OF OBJECT PERMANENCE HAD ME KEEP FORGETTING I AM SO SORRY 😭😭😭😭

dkjfhkdhf omg that is so wild that you have a friend who also knows about me dkjfhdsf Sanders Sides (back when it was waaaaay smaller of a fandom lol) was the first (and tbh only, really) fandom where i had any real level of "popularity" as a fic writer, and i fed off that high for SO LONG lol -- hearing that people were obsessed with my work, both then and now after the fact, is genuinely so surreal dfkjhdjkfh like. i am just Here, i am just Some Dude who wrote some words that got them weirdly popular at 17-18 dkjsfhdkjfh (also cuz i try to gather all your asks into one post, you continue to remain anonymous just cuz i copy-pasted them into the post in the same order they were received lol)

Dude it is CRAZY that you are almost 18 (or, by the time i am finally managing to answer this with my Bad Brain Powers procrastinating it so long, already 18) -- I looked back and I was 18 when you sent your first ever ask to me dkjfhdf that's so wild. I am so honored that you saw me as an older person you could come and talk to, even if it was just through anonymous tumblr asks for the past 6+ years lol. I always think of you fondly too, and I am so proud of you for the way you've grown up and grown into your confidence

ALSO YOU CAN TOTALLY SEND ME YOUR SOCIAL MEDIA djfdjdsjkf you can absolutely send me any of your socials!!! I know your main blog because you've sent some asks without it (have I ever remembered to follow it??? I meant to but I can't remember, this is also a Brain Forget-y Accidental Procrastination thing), but I would LOVE to see your art sideblog and def feel free to send me your twitter!! I have not opened my twitter in like. 3 months, because i was having Unhealthy Habits so i tucked the app into a pocket out of site and stopped using it for a while, but I am doing better now and would definitely open it back up more often again to see what you were up to

Also!!! You can always feel free to DM me on any of my blogs/sideblogs here on tumblr, too! You don't have to wait to send an ask (though I love receiving asks from you, don't ever feel like you have to stop even if we connect elsewhere!), you can always DM me on any of my blogs (or on any other socials we may exchange, too!)

[ddelline]

fic OST | halcyon (and on and on)

blurb | rehash from the last of these I posted: it’s me, so ofc there’s a fic OST to accompany the main thing. hereby: the music which has enabled me to go on a 40k (and counting) writing spree, doing bkg dirty (or am I) by having him seethe in a sorry, messy, pining pile (all of his own making) for all & everything that is midoriya izuku.

no spoilers rly, however ost may be interpreted as exploring both bk/dk perspectives, even though halcyon (and on and on) such as it’s been written remains firmly rooted in bkg, and bkg’s pov

what | 24 tracks ranging from dub → classic noughties trance → ambient → nu era pop → golden age rock & more (& then some for good measure)

playlist → spotify

tracklist | under cut

01 | orbital — halcyon and on and on

instr

02 | donato dozzy — vaporware 07

instr

03 | HNNY — till dig

instr

04 | smith & mighty — maybe for dub

instr

05 | kelela — contact (karen nyame KG remix)

time is surreal, now I’m floating in outer space

06 | depeche mode — precious

I pray you learn to trust have faith in both of us and keep room in your heart for two

07 | jai wolf & BANKS — don't look down

sometimes I overthink compulsively get in my head wait for the truth to sink in to feel my own skin

08 | jonathan johansson — släng alla heartbreakstråkar (transl swe -> eng)

caught the last bus from the cinema and you fell asleep on my lap our takeaway got cold, oh god oh god, what is this

09 | mAsis — skin

settle into your skin settle into your skin breathe in the stillness

10 | fleetwood mac — silver springs

I’ll begin not to love you turn around, see me running I said I loved you years ago

11 | burial — archangel

holding you; couldn’t be alone, couldn’t be alone, couldn’t be alone loving you; couldn’t be alone, couldn’t be alone, couldn’t be alone

12 | seinabo sey — still

I’ve been thinking about tomorrow instead of drowning in the past oh, we had good times even back when dreams were all we had to last

13 | kelela — divorce (DJ manny remix)

under the surface I’m lying fighting the tide, now I’m drowning steady I’m diving in deep

14 | joakim berg & maria jane smith — sommaren (transl swe -> eng)

nothing happens without cause and all the alleys lead back to you your blood on my hands—it calms me

15 | nothing but thieves — you know me too well

I want you all to myself oh, but you know me too well forgive me cause sometimes I forget I got my own two hands clenched around my neck

16 | foals — mountain at my gates

oh, give me some time show me the foothold from which I can climb yeah, when I feel low you show me a signpost for where I should go

17 | kent — innan himlen faller ner (transl swe -> eng)

as the sky falls down you’re everything I have and I’ll do anything to keep you as the sky falls I’m everything you have and I’ll do anything for you to keep me

18 | the kills — doing it to death

baby lately the plans we’re making are the shape of things that never come hold your horses, the light’s up

19 | the last shadow puppets — miracle aligner

often the humble kind but he can’t deny he was born to blow your mind or something along those lines

20 | bishop briggs — be your love

bad blood come and go but you’re still coming home ain’t no mountain tall, tall enough baby we rise, we fall

21 | omoinotake — 蕾 (transl jp -> eng)

I’m reaching you to you; will you hold my hand?

22 | rui da silva — touch me

touch me in the morning and last thing at night keep my body warm, baby you know it feels right

23 | tyla — water

make me sweat, make me hotter make me lose my breath, make me water

24 | sylver — turn the tide

you have the bravest heart the strongest emotions after all the harm I’ve caused and you still want my loving

25 | orbital — halcyon and on and on

instr

[anosci]

(302-317 albums etc that I’ve listened to this year, copied from twitter) (now with art. [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11] [12] [13] [14] [15] [16] [17] [18] [19] [20] [21] [22])

names and thoughts below cut

302/ Protohype - Puppy Crew (2016) one of those albums that doesnt quite hit with me, today, in 2023. mostly. "100" hits a groove just enough for me to jam B) "Dubs & 50's" is fun too

---

303/ VA - Various V (2023) acid label, bleep vibes :D "To Create Is To Live Twice" has a really nostalgic sound to it, for me anyway. uziq plus some british acid ykno? immediately a big fav. the more pure acid stuff doesn't quite vibe with me this time, except "zAVONDJE 303".

---

304/ Towa Tei - ZOUNDTRACKS (2023) a surprisingly soft and cute sound. chopped bossa or something? short but sweet fav with "ANANAS" like an intermission between heavier funk. …if not softer, like "AMIKO" or even "OPEN"

---

305/ Conforce - North To South Part 1 & 2 (2016) a kind of mixed bag for my tastes, despite its cohesion. "Eclipse" i like this the most, EXCEPT that clap. calm down lol "TKY" is 2ndfav tho i kinda wish the bass were more established (longer tail) also: "Reverse". hits good

---

306/ VA - IT'S ALL OR MUFFIN!!!11! XD SQUEE!11!! (2023) whoops i missed this anyway, my favs: "RIPJMAN" i emember :') "Shattered Splinters of Memries Past" kind of a mess but a nice one "WHERE'S MY MAIL" much love for fooz's dist beat sensibilities "WiERDO RAVE ViRUS!!" yeah!!!!

---

307/ MPU420 - BPM1 (2023) i was excitedly bracing for some lush bocscapes but got some banger analogue synthjams instead. apparently mpu420 != mpu101. lol. anyway. extremely solid beats if you like your circuitry.

---

308/ Xilent - Your System Remix EP (2016) another older 4track wob EP that's exactly glass half full. the two tracks i dig: "Next Time (Far Too Loud Remix)" this is gross. i love it. "Reborn VIP" im a sucker for loud midtempo. this hits right.

---

309/ VA - Chronicles of Time (2016) huge bag. im just gonna list my top 3: "Green Memories" man that's a good jazzyprog rendition. lush acc. "Where The Monsters Hide" a really nice take on an understated track! "The Brink" beautiful rendition of a beautiful tune

---

310/ (music compo from qbparty 2023) 'salrite. gotta say that "Hungary" is great tho. deserved winner. it's kinda cheesed as a mod file but the result bangs so hey ok

---

311/ litmus* - ルミちゃんなでなで (2023) fun dance candy selection. intro track: man i could go without the vocals but. i love those wobs. it'd be an EASY highlight if not for that :| "Lonely Dog" second fav, also by a wide margin. "Nostalgia 13" is funny bc accurate title lol

---

312/ Captive Portal - Toy Sounds Vol. 2 (2023) its alright. it doesn't really capture me specifically, but it's hard to not admire the hand crafted feel within. "Can't Read Cursive" is the highlight for me. its a clubby texture but filtered through… something, lol.

---

313/ (all music entries from Nova 2023) i do appreciate some of the oddities in here, but not much is rly speaking to me tbh… except "super waterworld". its 2 cute. it won my heart.

---

314/ (all music entries from Black Valley 2023) p nice selection! "Eternal Sunspots Of The Childlike Mind" shouldve nabbed 1st in streaming imo! same for "Her name was Holly Schiiet" in chip! delicious rez! in fact i think thats my fav entry of all of the tunes

--

315/ (all music entries from Evoke 2023) a so-so collection to my taste. but then "Outsider charge" feels modular in a way that kinda vibes with me?? lol idk "Stratospheric" stands out as my fav from this selection

---

316/ (all music entries from Xenium 2023) all over the place etc "sparkling pantograp" has a fun crinkly laser sound i cant help but admire the entire exemzk compo is shockingly good!!! less impressed with the streamed compo but "Sliced Thoughts" do slap.

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next page...

[sticky943]

Thanks for replying! :D im so excited! Some of your points especially stuck out to me and I'm interested in learning more. The first one is when you said you can get someone to realize they're being abusive w/o challenging their definition of abuse. You see this well when ppl say actually messed-up shit like "spanking is wrong, bc it doesnt work." (So how we treat children is based on if adults get what they want from them, not how we respect their rights and safety? Its rly dehumanizing the way this logic treats kids as clay plasters/test tubes/experiments.)

I also notice you contrasted "developmentalist view of childhood" (its wrong bc it harms child's development into adult) with "person-centered framework" (its wrong bc it violates children's rights as people). Can you go into that more?

From what it sounds like, i think it has to do with with the widespread but silent perception of children as "pre-people." Child abuse is wrong bc "its going to cause the child to have problems when they grow up and become an adult," instead of "children have rights here and now and you need to leave them alone." This is why children are asked "What do you want to be when you grow up?" and not "What do you want to be right now?" Or why people say "Children are the future" and not "Children are the present." (After all, the future hasn't happened yet, its always the present.) Or why well-intentioned but kinda adultist ppl say "youre not raising children, youre raising independent adults," as if children are just pre-adults rather than beings in their own right.

i never really thought this schema of children was harmful until i read a post by my children's rights activist friend @celebritykid. In one tweet, they were criticizing jokes about "child grows up and leaves abusive parents in retirement home". Comments like "when that child turns 18 and moves out, his parents are going to wonder why he never talks to them" or "in 15 years, that mother is going wonder why her daughter never comes home for holidays." @celebritykid rly made a sharp critique of these statements, and it rly made me rethink things. How is it an intelligent or compassionate solution for child abuse to force children to stay w their abusees until they're 18, instead of allowing them to run away right now? And young people just past age 18 still depend upon parents for moving, money, college tuition, phone plans, and health insurance. Im almost 20 y/o and i still depend upon my abusers for money, even tho im far away from them. It angers me how children have to put up w violence untill they're 18 or so before they can actually escape. And how most child abuse support resources, like therapies online forums, are for mostly adult survivors but few of such things for children ages 4-12 being abused right NOW.

What do you think? Do you want to share more insights?

Hi again dragon-in-a-fez! I have a question. I'm taking a course on childhood abuse and trauma at my college, and it's been a little tense but peaceful. My professor (has a child/developmental psychology PhD) has mentioned that the majority of parents do NOT abuse children, although child abuse is not rare. I did share with him studies of how violent discipline is still common around the world*, and we both agree spanking is obviously abuse. But he still says no, the majority of parents are not abusive, and I can't make general statements.

Today we had a class about sexual abuse and we discussed a little on how we could possibly know or decide what is abuse. We both mentioned if the kid feels discomfort or pain as one criterion, as is the case with spanking. And by that standard also, he mentioned if a parent is giving a child a shower/wiping their butt after pooping, the parent is not abusive if they have to touch the child's genitals but get no sexual pleasure out of it, and the child doesn't feel bad. But then he mentioned how there are things we make kids do that he says are not abusive, like having them do homework or go to bedtime. He then went from there when i asked him about making a child hug/kiss a parent/relative. He said that's totally different from sexual abuse since parents are resoonsible for teaching children socially acceptable behavior and norms. We also mentioned how sexual abuse is defined when it's deemed "inappropriate" (with the implication being that is what society and social norms say).

But i have some problems with my professor's takes, although i admit he knows 100x more than i do. Im just a student. First of all, since when did social norms ever dictate right from wrong? "Socially appropriate" doesn't rqual right, "socially inappropriate" doesn't equal wrong. Second, social norms and the very idea of what is "socially approproate/inappripriate" can be easily weaponized against chilldren. After all, parents/adult control society and are the ones dictating social norms in the first place. For example, like i just said, its still socially appropriate to make kids hug/kiss against their will, as well as to spank them. Its seen as socially inappropriate and bad manners for kids to refuse hugs/kisses. Its socially inappropriate for kids to say fuck or shit, but its socially appropriate to slap or spank kids who say fuck/shit or for any other perceived offense, or make them ingest soap. Its seen as socially inappropriate/impolite to talk about sex, especially with children. Even tho that knowledge could very well save children from abuse.

But anyways, Im no expert, though im still a lil skeptical of what my professor has said. How would you respond, as a professor in children's studies? I look forward to your take on this, and I trust your expertise. Do you think you can cite studies/reports too? I think my professor would be happy to look more into what I've been saying. Thanks for listening!

/*https://publications.aap.org/pediatrics/article/137/3/e20154079/81439/Global-Prevalence-of-Past-year-Violence-Against?autologincheck=redirected

http://globalreport.knowviolenceinchildhood.org/global-report/time-end-violence-childhood/

well, for starters, the last time I saw a survey of parents that asked if they'd ever hit their children, 58% said yes (this was in the UK - it's higher in the US but admittedly my knowledge there is based on older data). so you can't simultaneously acknowledge that hitting children is abuse and believe the majority of parents aren't abusive. like, that's just math. that's one where you can probably find data pretty easily.

the rest of it isn't going to be so data-driven. let me take a step back and explain what I mean.

one of the things I encourage my students to do is challenge how we decide what is child abuse and what isn't. historically, that determination has been made based on a question of whether something will harm development or lead to worse outcomes for a hypothetical future adult. (this goes back to the earliest child protection laws, which were framed as religious duties not to endanger the child's immortal soul.) this is still the way child abuse is often operationalised, as a question of "this thing is abusive if it will make the kid a worse adult in some measurable way".

to me it's obvious that that's bonkers. what we should be doing is defining child abuse the way we define other forms of abuse: as improper treatment of a person, in relation to that person's human rights to dignity, safety, and self-ownership.

I think your professor is probably stuck in that former mindset, and their logic is going something like: we don't have objective evidence that making kids hug people causes lasting harm into adulthood, and culturally we believe it does make kids grow up into adults who can connect with others, so the net impact on development is positive, so it's not abuse.

when someone has that mindset about spanking, it's (comparatively) easy to push back on, because all you need to do is point to decades of strong research evidence that spanking is developmentally harmful. so it's theoretically possible to get them to understand that it's abusive without actually needing to challenge their overall mental framework of abuse.

for something like consent to affection, the counterargument is more difficult. it needs to start with: you have to rethink how you're making your determinations about abuse. you have to see abuse not in terms of developmental harm, but in terms of denial of personhood. for someone who's been mired in a developmentalist view of childhood for a long career, that can be really difficult. I don't know that I have any specific advice - except to remain steadfast in your person-centred framework of how we should treat each other, and understand that you're not wrong and you're not alone.