#the pain of growing never stops | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

tea-time-terrier · 4 months ago

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There's been a whole lot of growth (both painful, and less so) this year, but I am eternally grateful for this little sidekick and the joy she brings me.

I am wishing everyone a gentler 2025 <3

#big feelings #big accomplishments #big changes #the pain of growing never stops #prioritising joy is a skill I continue to work on #creating meaning instead of a void #happy new year #thank you cat for the photos <3 #turnpike

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kingslionheart · 3 months ago

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Do you trust him wholly? I do not. I cannot.

2×06 | ALFRED TALKING ABOUT UHTRED

#alfred always using the word temptation as a carnal desire connotation #alfred being known as a pious man who always prays and yet only showing him praying when uhtred is concerned #beocca in s1 once telling alfred to pray the temptation away #alfred saying 2 scenes before this scene that he does not know uhtred and COULD NEVER know uhtred #alfred precising in a painful way that he CANNOT trust uhtred #there's something stopping him #and what's that? god's judgment? nah that would connect to alfred's fear in s3 of not being able to go to heaven #and it would be too gay if it were like that wouldn't it #almost as if there's a whole scene in the tlk movie that parallels this one #a whole scene between 2 queer characters that are canonically lovers #a whole scene that talks about faith growing stronger (as aelswith said) and growing the faith exactly to fight the “sin” of homosexuality #as said by ingilmundr #tho that would totally never connect to the clouding of judgement alfred is talking about here in this part #to which aelswith's solution is getting uhtred out of alfred's sight so that alfred can think more clearly again #so think in a christian godly way #so in alfred's supposed way since he was supposed to be god's king #and indeed that could never even connect to uhtred kidnapping ingilmundr so that aethelstan could have thought more clearly #as alfred would have thought certainly... thus in a christian way... free of the sin gifted by his half dane half saxon pagan oathman #very terrible that none of this connects tho #the last kingdom #tlk alfred #david dawson #alfred x uhtred #uhtred x alfred #alhtred #thelastkingdomedit #daviddawsonedit #perioddramaedit #michela's gifs

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sappi-papi · 2 months ago

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happy jungle sunday everynyan treating myself for this one by sharing one of my fave headcanons for him ever . remember when i infodumped about him in that one post? yeah this was what i was implying in that first paragraph below the cut. anyway consider age regressor jungle ? smile?

#my art #this is the flag i saw most often used for agere but if there's any other flags/symbols commonly used i would love to know :D /gen #anyway hiii i have had this headcanon basically ever since i joined the mo4 fandom back in may 2024 #i just havent talked about it outside friends because i hate seeing the way people make fun of it or compare it to gross things. grips head #i've had a really good time with mo4 tumblr though so YOU ALL GET TO KNOW NOW HI!!!#it just makes sense to me.. jungle not wanting to wear the formal mdcr uniform for whatever reason and referring to his robot as “mom”#i get that it could have just been a joke on axez's part but EVEN IN HIS PHONE THE ROBOT'S CONTACT NAME IS LISTED AS OKAASAN!!! FUCK #i will never get over the contrast of jeraldy coping by taking on way too much maturity and responsibility in order to feel strength #vs jungle clinging to the remaining scraps of what wasn't torn away from him. growing up way too fast vs refusing to grow up. ugh #axez let jungle express his pain and let him be a kid and MY LIFE IS YOURS!!!#<- this goes for jeraldy too btw. stop acting like the adult you aren't and go play toys with your best friend this will save you both.#sorry i'm insane. no i'm not sorry that's a lie. jungle they could never make me hate you #marikinonline4 #mo4 #marikin online 4 #jungle takahashi #agere #age regression #jungle sunday

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junebugtwin · 2 years ago

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im going to lose my mind

#she 'stops' like every one of these motherfuckers im going to scream #and she never changes #like she sort of does- because she grows more willing to throw herself against #monsters like the nine and endbringers but she never stops being the underdog in her own head #she can never win enough to forget the pain- not of 'losing' but of Being A Loser #getting squished beneath a boot is agonizing and humiliating #its a feeling you never forget and a spite than never unhooks its teeth #worm #parahumans #taylor hebert #skitter

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elkrisen · 4 months ago

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I think this year I have to stop putting stock in connection and feeling understood and be as selfish and driven as possible

#vin.text #I think the only person who is going help me is me. and most people who meet me have bad intentions #and I need to stop loving people.#genuinely #it never ends well for me and it always leaves them with some sort of lesson or growth #and it leaves me with genuinely nothing but pain. either help me or leave! I can’t tolerate helping people grow anymore #it’s such a waste of my time. I could be helping myself grow!

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itspileofgoodthings · 5 months ago

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the boys I teach have been so unpleasant to me this week but the boys I used to teach have been really sweet and tbh it helps so much.

#the ones I teach can’t help it fully #(I mean they CAN and I have to hold them to that)#but also like. puberty the mire of adolescence the pain of growing up the horror of being 15 or 16 years old etc #but it’s still so gross and draining to interact with all the time: to feel like I am making no headway #disheartening to the max #so to have former students show back up —show appreciation and gratitude #is sooooo healing #and they do it in funny ways #two of them just stopped by my room and talked about their lives and their grandma’s very old house she lives in or their job at Burger King #and then another one wrote ‘I miss your class’ on the board. and then another one was like ‘hey you should teach AP next year’#(I would never) and he was like ‘please’ and it helps so much #because they were often toads when I taught them!#but the goodwill remains past the point and beyond their moods #and I am so constructed by nature and temperament to forget that #I only ever feel as good as my current class/experience with a student #so I need the bolstering effects of my past work #lol

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celiataysversion · 5 months ago

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so now I understand what it feels like when your surprise song gets played again

#it feels fucking ILLEGAL #it’s pain #like stop #never grow up #swifties #surprise songs #taylor swift #mashups #taylor alison swift #taylornation #the eras tour

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phantomslament · 9 months ago

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Life is so cruel I wish Leon were real so I could braid his hair

#leon dislyte #I miss my wife #I can’t explain to you all how painful it is to imagine all these cool stories/plots that surround or heavily focus on Leon in the-#dislyte universe but will probably never be canon bc of the sheer length and focus it has on Leon bc they’d never focus on him that much-#I think considering their roster is growing so much #I miss the early days of dislyte sometimes I was just a highschool senior and now I’m a college JUNIOR….#I will forever love Leon no one could ever make me stop loving leon dislyte…..

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poignardeparlebeau · 10 months ago

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also truly think i cursed (good) myself by imposing a book buying ban bc an old professor is moving and she allowed a friend to pick through the books she didn't want and long story short i now have 27 well loved mostly film and literature academic books🥰

#i never stop winning. yes it was a a pain getting them back to athens from thessaloniki but soooo worth it #i really like the fact that im building a library of my own #growing up in a house full of books made me really want to also start building my future big library for when i move out #one brick (book) at the time #very grateful for my friend for letting me pick through the books #found a book abt eroticism and queerness in greek cinema i cannot wait to sink my teeth into #talks

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mr-ladystardust · 2 years ago

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showing mikasa in her casket was the hardest thing for me. i was sobbing before that but it made it so much worse

#she grew to be an old lady and i just cant deal with that #the show started with her as a 10yr old and she fought a war at 19 but still got to grow old #AND THE SCENES OF HER CRYING #jesus fuck i care about mikasa so much i am in so much pain right now #she waa my gay awakening at 11 and i will never stop loving her #also its now 2.20am and i cant stop crying enough to sleep #bibliophile-bi #attack on titan

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positivelybeastly · 1 year ago

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All of my life I spent searching the words Of poets and saints and prophets and kings And now at the end all I know that I’ve learned Is that all that I know is I don’t know a thing So easy to close off Place the blame outside Hiding in my room at night So terrified All the things I could have been But I never had the nerve Life and love I don’t deserve So all right, all right I’ve had my time Close my eyes Let the death bells chime Bury me in burgundy I just don’t care Nothing’s left I looked everywhere Is this how I die? Was there ever any other way my life could be? Is this how I die? Such a storm of feelings inside of me? But then why am I screaming? Why am I shaking? Oh God, was there something that I missed? Did I squander my divinity? Was happiness within me the whole time?

#outofmuffins #verse: each of us is a nest of lies #verse: the irredeemable beast #verse: the ground beneath us is alive but are we?#God this song is just so achingly Hank as he grows older.#Feeling so very much like he's wasted his entire life and never achieved what he owed the world - what he owed himself.#Feeling like he knows so little for a man so smart.#Feeling like he's squandered every chance at love he's ever had.#Because he was afraid.#Because he let himself get in his own way.#And that's not even getting into wanting to wake up from what feels like a living death of misery and pain and a half-a-life.#In his darker sadder moments he feels as though he's trapped inside a monster. A husk. A monstrosity.#Trapped inside a body he doesn't recognise doesn't know doesn't love.#Feeling as though he could have been so many things and he closed the door on so many of them with every impulsive decision.#Going all the way back to turning himself blue.#What could he have been? Who could he have been?#And as he turns cold and dead inside he knows he's doing it at breakneck speed but he can't stop.#Who could he have been? Anyone but this.

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felidaefatigue · 1 year ago

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its so annoying how like mostly boomer-oldermillenial range of people got to grow up in such a uniquely priviliged life full of advancements in creature comforts and ease of use in canada because theyre so entitled and soft now and like. genuinely good for them and i wish we all had the luxury but also????

canadas pushing hard for electric cars, and i also think they suck for many reasons so its not even abt that- but everyones constantly throwing hissy fits about it for the stupidest reasons.

"oh you have to know EVERY charging station if you go on a trip!"

?????? a) most of you have phones u can Google it. b) have u never? like gotten lost without a gps? do u remember maps? im sure some of u are old enough? have u never remembered directions? asked ur mom where the store was when u were like ten and were told to turn right at the yellow building? had to god forbid ASK someone? how the fuck do u think people colonized the whole damn world u can get places without a gas station being for suresies ever 10 feet with big neon signs telling you UR OKAY WE GOT UR STUFF. like yall really always have ease GARUNTEED

#and this applies to like so many things #just the utter offense and indignation about any amount of inconvienience ever #why did humans stop appreciating a little struggle. a little pain. its good for you man.#i feel like growin up poor u learn a lot of the skills these ppl have lost and my gen and younger #have always been told our comforts are likely going to end soon and never promised to last #n seen that happen over and over again as things get shittier quality and logistics failures and what not #still priviliged as fuck and tainted by it but less so than them old folks yknow #they may have had fucked up scarred parents but at least they got to grow into an adulthood of wonder and possibility and softness

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ghost-in-the-stalls · 9 days ago

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Oh boy it's past 9pm time to get really emotional about all the things I missed out on because of my mental health like chunks carved out of a tree

#not a good analogy #idc #im just thinking back on the girl who used to live across the street #and how we were the same age and we would play together sometimes #and i had wanted friends to play with in my neighborhood for what felt like so long before that #but i just stopped playing with her after a while #and i found every excuse but really #looking back i just fucking #had depression and social anxiety and adhd #and i avoided going out to play with her when she asked the same way i avoid engaging in hobbies for years and years #and eventually she stopped asking #i could have had a lifelong friend probably #i felt like we were so different but #as i grew up and watched her grow too #and i look back #i see how much we had in common #anyway #ive also been very aware recently about how picky i am about people #ill find any reason to not get to know someone better #or avoid someone #and nowadays i catch myself doing it and try to not #but its definitely another thing thats prevented me from having stable social supports #ive got a couple really good people #and i love them #but also i only have very unsteady connections in my city #idk man idk how i never realized how much i was struggling until i got this far in life #so many moments of 'well i dont want to die right now so im fine'#overshadowing how fucking empty i felt all the time #and im so avoidant too #i dont trust strong emotions because outside of very rare precious moments strong emotions are just painful ones

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astoneonalake · 3 months ago

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how does it feel to be unloved? how does it feel to be told that you didn't change? how does it feel to love someone and accept them as a whole yet be told that all you did was bring them harm? how does it feel to realize that you will not understand them nor will they understand you? how does it feel to love yet be so unloved? how does it feel to justify their every action as their words cut so deep into you? how does it feel to want to change yourself to a person that's not you? how does it feel to crave their presence, their acceptance yet know that it will never be you?

how does it feel to love so deeply and have that same love break your heart?

#“you did not consider your actions” all i did was to justify your own and mine in my head #when i realized i could not change i stopped it immediately #when i realized i could not change the untold wish you had in me faded to disappointment #when i realized i could not change i lost you two in the process #why is that so? why did you two leave when i realized i could not change?#did you see me? or did you see a me? a me i did not know of nor could i see #did you see me in your minds that you wished was me? did you see me in your hearts that you wished had replaced me?#i looked at you two as you were loved you two as you were had fun and breathed life into me as you were #but it was not the same way you two looked at me #im sorry im not her im sorry i couldnt be the me you saw hoped and wished for #i can only repeat these useless apologies with no hope for change because i cant be her i cant make you two happy i cant #i want to change myself and be born anew to be the me that you two had wished for #but i cant and no amount of apologies will change that i cant i cant i cant #im sorry for being me #your friendship and my friendship are not the same and i mourn that i will mourn that everyday for i loved you two so much yet all i did was #bring you two pain how do i reconcile with that how do i reconcile the fact that you will never this love of friendship how do i reconcile #the fact that this grief in me will forever remain unsaid for you do not love me as i am #and my love will be a burden to you both #so let me just scream this pain to the world and hope beg wish pray that my life will grow bigger than this grief #and i can finally move past it in time but for now for now i cradle this heart this pain this grief inside me #until i can breath until i can survive until i can live i hope you two dont mind me clinging on to your memories #i feel so much im sorry im just like this im sorry it feels so lonely im sorry to be this selfish is to be me im sorry #to be this full of love is to be me let me be me for a while longer until this love feels so small but for now for now let me love a bitmore #im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry #and thank you for the time we have spent it was full of joy beyond i had ever had it came at a cost came with your pain but still still #im sorry for being me but thank you for being there with me

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