#she grew to be an old lady and i just cant deal with that

[mr-ladystardust]

showing mikasa in her casket was the hardest thing for me. i was sobbing before that but it made it so much worse

[dr-reversebeartrap]

Hoffman headcanons PLEASE tell me ur big boy feelings

THANK YOUUUU 🖤🖤

Went to cop school because it was mentioned to him by a school advisor and it was his less expensive option

Rigg was the optimist out of the two of them and Mark didn’t feel like it was right for him to show how much their experience affected him too

Avoided survivor programs that have been proposed to him and people were too put off by his change of personality to insist. Few bothered to check on him now he wasn’t so friendly anymore (read: in unspeakable pain)

He would overwork to fill in the gaping wound and got obsessed with the jigsaw case (I have posted about that before) leading to his revenge + sought company from his coworkers, spending way too much time with them at the bar and boom addiction

In his work, he doesn’t usually deal with victims so by plotting Corbett Denlon’s kidnapping he got to gloat about saving her

Paints with oil, doesn’t always paint on canvases, sometimes it’s notebook covers or the back of a cereal box. He learned from old ladies somehow

He has a few pictures of his sister but only one or two includes him

Angelina learned piano as a kid when Mark played rugby. She taught him maybe two songs but he’s not very confident in his playing nor is he looking to improve or show it off.

Platonic feminine presences are healthy for him. It make him feel stable. Nothing specific, just sort of the same way cat people feel having cats around. He’s not a good person but I’ve decided he’s normal about women

He’s good at giving compliments!! It’s a whole thing, I got a draft to let Perez tell you all about that! Since he grew up caring for a younger sister, he’s always had to pay attention to details

He’s not very wealthy and didn’t own a car until recently (didn’t especially dream of getting his own but he cant take the cop car to jig his saw)

He did NOT set up the trap Strahm said Amanda couldn’t have set up on her own, she did and she absolutely snarled at him when he proposed to help

[thepeanutbutterwizard]

Half Sibling AU

What is Luz and Hunter's relationship in this AU?

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKKKKKK THIS IS A GOOD ONE

I'm gonna put most of this answer under a read more, since this is all stuff I'm going to be keeping tightly under wraps for a few chapters in DoaF, but Luz and Hunter's entire thing is something I'm too excited about to not ramble about it

So the short story is that Luz and Hunter's relationship goes-

Mortal Enemies but in a grade-schoolers-on-the-playground way except the adults are giving them weapons -> Anything that That Idiot can figure out, I can figure out something even better with my way better magic! -> We helped each other not die in a drastic situation, but that doesn't make us friends...right? we cant be friends, we're Mortal Enemies -> Secret Friends, in more ways than one, but publicly they're Mortal Enemies. fistfighting is a legitimate love language -> overprotective and overly traumatized Siblings

Doaf is taking place during the Secret Friends part

The longer story goes more like this-

When Luz gets her first bounty at 9, it alerts Belos to her presence on the Isles in the present. He does whatever he does in cannon to figure out that Luzura the Crab Maiden was actually Eda the Owl Lady's own daughter! He found it a bit ironic, that the most annoying thorn in his side he'd ever had to deal with was the mother of the person who helped him meet the Collector.

Knowing he had to ensure that Luz completed the time loop, he decides to make Hunter his newest Golden Guard a few years earlier than he had planned. Belos had been considering accelerating the Grimwalkers training, but with the Luzura development he decides it's worth the risk. Besides, the boy seems smart enough, he'll learn on the job.

((Lilith thought the new Golden Guard was a short demon until she heard his voice))

Belos gives the Golden Guard a special assignment, one quite similar to Lilith's. He is tasked with observing a new, dangerous up-and-coming criminal, 'the Owlet', and learning as much as he can about her. He claims that he feels the Owlet shows great magical promise, and could be a valuable asset to the Empire if she could be convinced to turn away from her mothers wild ways and join a coven.

((It took all of Lilith's self control to keep a straight face when Belos said that. She had only met Luz maybe two dozen times over the last few years, but she knew the girls love for and loyalty to Edalyn was unshakable))

Hunter was absolutely thrilled to get his staff, and his assignment. He took to his task with all the might his eleven-year-old body could muster, and set off for Bonesborough to track her down

He is very disappointed when he finds her playing in the woods near town. This little kid was some kind of new big bad criminal? She was wandering around the woods, talking to herself and swinging a stick around, Titans sake she was wearing otter jammies!

Hunter figured it would be easier to just catch her then and there, so Uncle could just show Owlet herself that he was a good person, and that wild magic was bad, and then he could give Hunter an assignment fitting the Golden Guard.

Luz bit him.

It left a scar.

Most of the teeth marks fade over the years, but the ones from her primary fangs never leave his arm.

From that first meeting, a rivalry was born! Any time the Owlet and the Golden Guard ran into each other after that, they would pretty much try to kill each other. That turned into more of a proper rivalry as they grew older.

Owlet would create a new potion, Golden Guard would learn a new spell with his staff to counter it. Golden Guard would use some new cool parkour move, Owlet would stay up late training to try and keep up with the older boy.

Until an incident on the Knee, when Hunter is 13 and Luz is 11.

Luz and Eda had been collecting ingredients for potions, Hunter is up there on assignment with a squad of guards. The two groups run into each other, and of course a fight breaks out. Owlet and Golden Guard get separated from the rest.

They run into and upset some kind of demon with storm magic, who joins their fight, and Luz ends up pushing Hunter out of the way of a blow that could have killed him. The demon kicks up a storm, and Hunter, injured, tired, horrified, and confused, grabs an injured Luz and manages to get the both of them into a very small cave to wait out the storm.

The two kids work together to treat each others injuries, and after learning that neither of them have magic, they start to bond. It takes hours for the storm to pass, and when it does Owlet and Golden Guard part ways, find their respective camping parties, and expect things to be the same as they were before.

But the next time they wind up chasing each other across the Night Market and out into the woods, far from other people, their fighting kinda just...stops. The both of them had wondered about how the other kid was healing up, and after a few awkward questions they hear the Owl Lady searching for them.

Owlet runs to her instead of calling for her.

Hunter doesn't give chase.

Next time they're alone, they talk more.

Even more the next time.

And eventually they become genuine friends.

I'm debating having Luz give Hunter a secret Penstagram scroll a bit earlier than he gets the one from Darius in cannon, so that might be a thing but I'm undecided.

They're still really competitive, and sometimes they'll spend their secret hang-out sessions sparring for fun.

Things are kind of...awkward tho.

Bc of the whole, y'know, wanted criminal and high ranking law enforcement officer thing.

They try not to talk about...that. There are a lot of things they try not to talk about.

And by the end of the story, they're siblings through and through.

[goatpaste]

can we see your sbr Giorno's friends?

yknow i was gonna just draw Gio with maybe one or two of the ideas for lil buddies she'd have and talk about them a bit

but per usual I went over the top and drew her a whole main group of friends so here you hope this is what you wanted

a solid lil group of five that vary in how much iv fleshed them out,, i just have for sure i wanted a lil Lisa Lisa type lady to be in Gios group, and settled on all of them being named after Renaissance paintings and painters.

I dont have much thought out in the ways of them meeting one another or any goals for them, or stand abilities or much of that. But know that these guys are FRIENDS and can fit SO many issues in them <33

I do think giving it a more p4 storyline kinda vibe thats more center to one small area problem and being on the more slice of life style of story telling could be fun...

Mona, the oldest of this lil rag tag group, meant to be a lot like a Lisa Lisa type for the group ^^

im thinking shes the only non stand user of their group but mm debating it truly. I imagine a more focus on her character as one of the last of the guards to be full tried in spin for this use. if she had a stand to any degree it be like gyro where its hardly a thing.

I also do like the idea of her having history or forming a connection with Jorge with him being a reoccurring character through Giorno as the two grew up kinda distant but fairly close none the less form of cousins to one another.

Taking, obviously a bit of inspo from the Pucci's on this one. Floridian man struggles with microaggressions on multiple different fronts, loses faith in god and struggles to figure out how to see the good in life.

I dont know much of what i wanna do with his stand but Daisy did suggest an invisibility facet to them,,, potentially thinking to take some inspo from portal on this one specifically with the slime they introduce with being able to build up speed or make bouncy floors and stuff, something along those lines but a lil more built up,,,

very silly wild girl kinda character, a real richy rich philanthropist type. All talk, wouldnt know how to handle herself if things went wrong for her for even a second.

i have NO idea what to do with her stand ability I just really like the idea of it being made out of fashion magazine clippings (again ty Daisy for such a baller suggestions)

Of course theres our protag main girl, Giorno. Daughter of Diego and Hot Pants. Named after Diegos mother's maiden name. Very much meant to be like a mixture of P5 Giorno and Trish. Giorno whos a lil louder and meaner and has a bit of a more broken moral compass most of the time but is just more or less broken as a person who cant seem to be able to snuff out that last little golden light in her heart that tells her to do good.

Her stand Born to be, which is the name I think I'm 100% settling on for it... im still not 100% sold on what I exactly want its power to be, but I am thinking it would be like a "healer" type stand of the group and having a "mending" like ability with being able to patch anything together or treat any material like fabric and sew it to other materials like a brick wall to clothing fabric. or sewing parts of concrete together to make a wall... just throwing some ideas at the wall, seein what sticks.

And! last and youngest member of the group, Venus. A bit of a loner who has suddenly found herself glued to Gios click and cant seem to figure out why shes so terribly fascinated with being around them. Yes Mona is teaching her spin and Gio is like a russian doll with layers she wants to unwrap, but she doesn't need to hover around them everyday for that... So she's kinda wonder what the deal with that is? is it? a sense of found family??? or?? something? gross..

As for her stand i again dont have anything set in stone beyond it being able to do stuff with technology, maybe like an old school paisy park kinda beast. maybe something to do with noises,,,

I do like the idea of Venus learning spin from Mona and Venus using it like a dog toy for Atomic dog and playing fetch with it as a way to incorporate her stand ability with her spin ability.

[manonblaqkbeak]

Family Time

good morning/afternoon/evening/night. hope you’re all doing well and staying safe!!!! i have a rowaelin fic that i wanted to post before rowaelin month started since im focusing on those prompts atm

i cant wait to see what everyone has in store for rowaelin month, im very much looking forward to it!

enjoy! :)

1835 words

The day that Aelin had been looking forward to was finally here.

She and Rowan were going to spend a week in their spot in the forest. A week was longer than usual, but it was much needed. Not only had she and Rowan been working extremely hard to the point where they weren't going to bed until the middle of the night, his family was arriving to Orynth to visit for a few weeks in a week and a half.

And not just a few members of his family, almost the entire Whitethorn family was coming, with the exception of a few—namely Sellene, who would be gifting them with personal letters and presents, and those that were too old or just didn't feel like making such a long journey.

Aelin was looking forward to it, to meeting those she hadn't, to hearing others perspectives on Rowan's childhood. Her mate, however...not so much. Rowan was looking forward to catching up with the cousins that he liked, but not so much for the meddlesome ones. He warned her that whatever secrets that people were hiding wouldn't be secrets anymore, that the nosy ones liked to make a game to see who could learn the most secrets.

Aelin admitted that could be a problem, but in his letter, Enda claimed that everyone would be on their best behaviour.

Rowan wasn't entirely convinced. And not just because of that, he was worried that the conversation of when Aelin and Rowan were going to have children was going to be brought up as Rowan had written that they were forbidden from doing so.

Months ago, only several weeks after the war, after a meeting with the Lords and Ladies of Terrasen, Aelin and Rowan came to the decision to wait for a while to have children after Lord Gunnar had brought up the topic of heirs. Aelin could still remember the silence, at her speechlessness of how suddenly it was mentioned. How Rowan had turned to Lord Gunnar and demanded not just to him, but to everyone around them, that it was a private matter between the Queen and himself, and that it was not up for public discussion.

It wasn't a very long conversation—they both wanted to have a family, but Aelin wasn't ready. She was having nightmares from her time with Maeve and Cairn, and throwing pregnancy in the mix just screamed disastrous.

Rowan took her hands in his large warm ones and promised that he would wait for as long as she wanted. Whether it was one year, five years, or one hundred, he would wait until she was ready and willing.

Aelin had never loved him more.

Since then, Rowan was taking a contraceptive tonic. It hadn't taken very long for it to spread around the castle, but neither Aelin or Rowan would let others opinions change their minds.

And it wasn't like they were completely without family. They had their friends and Fleetfoot, with the canine joining them on their week long getaway.

Aelin and Rowan helped the servants set up the Royal tent and the square wooden table where they would be eating and playing chess and card games. There were a few books that Aelin was very much looking forward to reading, too.

Aelin was excited for this week away, to forgo her corsets, dresses, pants and breast-bands. She was determined to stay in Rowan's shirts and her slippers the entire time.

So the moment that everything was set up, the trays of sweet and savoury foods on the table, and the servants and guards were gone, Aelin stripped down to nothing, swaying her hips the way that Rowan liked when she spotted him drinking her in and slipped on one of his shirts and put on her well loved slippers.

Grabbing the picnic blanket from one of the chests, Aelin turned to see Fleetfoot sniffing hungrily at the trays of food, moving closer with each second that passed. Just as she was about to inhale the food, Rowan took the pup out of her misery and feed her a handful of sliced fermented sausage.

Aelin smiled at the sight. Rowan might grumble about the mess Fleetfoot made and how she kept slobbering on his pillow but Aelin knew he loved her—even when she ate his socks.

Aelin set up the blanket and pillows against a thick oak tree, ready for her week of relaxation.

X X X X X X

Aelin's stomach was near to bursting. She hadn't intended to eat that much food, since there was a leg of lamb and chopped root vegetables roasting in the cauldron above the fire, but everything was just too good to have just the once. She ate and ate until there was nothing but crumbs left.

She didn't regret it, however.

She was close to sleeping as Rowan ran a free hand through her scalp as he used the other to read. Her head was on his lap, the sun was warm, and from the happy yips that were coming from the woods, Fleetfoot was having a fun time running around.

Aelin glanced at her husband, his face relaxed as he read his book. And she had no idea why, but she found herself saying: “What would you look like with a beard?”

Rowan blinked, the only surprise he'd show at the question. “Like an old man,” he answered after a moment.

“You are an old man.”

He flicked her ear, and then went back to running his fingers through her scalp. “I grew a beard, once, when I was young. I looked like my father.”

“So you looked very handsome, then.” Rowan had taken up sketching in the quiet moments. He had drawn his parents and they were a very attractive couple. Rowan inherited his fathers hair, eyes, nose and sharp jawline, but got his mother's lips, cheekbones and eyebrows.

They had died long ago, but Aelin would have liked to have met them. Rowan said that they would have liked her, eventually, as he believed that they wouldn't have known what to do with her at first.

Aelin gave Rowan a big smile as the question formed in her mind. And since Rowan knew her so well, he said, “No.”

“You don't even know what I was going to say!” She protested, but it was a lie.

“I am not growing a beard.”

“Please, for me? Just a little one?”

“No.”

“How about some stubble?”

He sighed, exasperated, knowing that there was no point in arguing. “Fine. I'll grow some stubble and that's it.”

“Mm-hmm. Whatever you say, buzzard.”

He sighed again, but there was a small smile on his lips. He returned to his book, and telling her what it was about when Aelin asked. It made her heart swell that her warrior found time to read, as he admitted to her months ago that he never really had the opportunity when he was sworn to Maeve.

Not wanting to ruin today with thoughts of her, Aelin grabbed her own book by her pillow and read, luxuriating in Rowan's warmth and love and in the company of a good book.

X X X X X X

Aelin was losing, but she made sure that the irritation that was coursing through her didn't show on her face. Playing chess with an experience strategist was an absurd idea, but she was determined not to quit.

Rowan had been wanting for her to make her move. Had been waiting for fifteen minutes. Fleetfoot was by her feet, but she was just waiting for the roast lamb to be done.

Five minutes later, Aelin finally made her move. Her eyes flicked up towards Rowan, but his face was stone. He made his move in a blink of an eye. “Checkmate.”

Fire coated her throat as Aelin screeched in frustration, which just made Rowan laugh. Fleetfoot howled and ran off.

Aelin grumbled under her breath as she put away the chess board (for now, they would definitely be playing again once Aelin had more food in her stomach) while Rowan put their dinner on the plates, smiling all the while. Behind him, his mate vowed that she would beat him one day at chess. His smile widened.

Rowan knew that if he said he could beat her even with a blind-fold on, she would go on about how big his head was.

Fleetfoot came back, getting in the way of his feet as he put his and Aelin's dinner down. He gave Fleetfoot the plate reserved for her, using his powers to cool it down, not missing Aelin's soft smile as he did so.

They ate dinner in companionable silence, with Rowan's thoughts on his cousins. He was sure that he wasn't going to get a single thing done while they were visiting. Or if he did, he knew that some of his cousins would want to intrude.

Thinking about it more, he knew that they were going to intrude. Enda had written in-between the lines that there were some cousins that didn't really believe that Rowan was King-Consort and would only believe it once they saw him in action.

That they would actually believe once they saw him in his crown.

And even then, he was sure that there'd be at least one or two that still wouldn't believe it.

Rowan would let them think whatever they wanted about him, it wouldn't matter to him.

Maybe he should have just invited Enda and his mate—but Aelin was looking forward to meeting his family, so he would just deal with it.

It would only be a couple of weeks, possibly three. At best, four, since it was a long journey. He could last.

Rowan could do it, he would just have to block them out if they became too much. He had done that in the past.

“If you keep furrowing your brows like that, they'll replace your eyes,” Aelin said, slathering a fresh slice of bread with butter and running it through the left over gravy on her plate.

Rowan grunted but tried to relax his forehead. It took him a minute longer than it should have.

Later on, they went for a late night swim. Which was slowly turning into something more, up until Fleetfoot jumped into the water with them, saturating them further.

It was the best first day that Aelin could have asked for, and was very much looking forward to the rest of the week.

X X X X X X

Aelin woke up to one of her favourite sights. Rowan shirtless, sleeping on his stomach, his tattooed arm curled around Fleetfoot who slept between them all night. The hounds golden head half on Rowan's pillow, her paws stretching towards Aelin, her furry face soft in sleep.

Smiling, Aelin shuffled closer, and wrapped her own arms around the pup, her fingers just touching Rowan.

Joyful, Aelin fell back asleep, a smile still on her face.

[madnessformunson]

Barns-Rogers Daughter

This is my first time writing so sorry if it was bad lol I really want to keep writing on this story but I might change it to y/n but when I view this character I cant help but think her name is Magnolia lol

I don't think there is any warnings or anything :)

words: 992

Magnolia loved her dads very much.  Even if they were extremely overprotective of their one and only child. Magnolia hated the name her dads gave her. Magnolia Carter Barnes-Rogers. How much worse of an old lady name could you get. She generally only responded to Mags, unless she was in big trouble with her Pops. She grew up in the Stark tower, it was a big dysfunctional family but she truly did love it. Even if it meant everyone was constantly in her business. 

“Mags, it's time for dinner!” Tony yelled from the kitchen. 

Friday nights the whole team ate together when there wasn’t a mission. It was something you always grew up doing and you knew there was know way out of it. But you had other plans than eating greasy take out and hearing Sam and Bucky fight over who was the strongest. Your classmate Flash was throwing a huge party tonight since his parents were out of town. You knew your dads would never allow you to go, first of all it was family night, secondly it was an unsupervised teenage party. 

“Where is she? She’s normally the first one down here on Chinese food nights” Sam stated as he shifted through the various take out containers. 

“I’ll go get her from her room, she probably has F.R.I.D.A.Y. Blaring her music again” Steve said as he headed down the hall. 

Your Pops hated the music you listened to. He loved you very much but he didn’t understand your taste in music or your style. Yon wore primarily black clothing, you would have your hair colored darker if your dads allowed these kinds of things. You also weren’t allowed to wear makeup even though you were almost 17. Nat did buy you some for your 15th birthday and you hid it in a small bag in your backpack. You put it on after Happy dropped you off at school and quickly removed it before getting picked back up. Once he approached the door of your room, he quietly knocked, noticing no music playing. 

“Mags, are you in there? Dinner is ready” Steve stated with no response. 

“Mags I’m coming in” your Pops opened the door quickly while covering his eyes just in case you were changing and didn’t hear him. He dropped his hand and looked around. No one was in there. He went into the conjoined bathroom attached to your room. Again, you were not there. Steven went back into the kitchen. 

“Mags isn’t in her room…” Steve stated in a nervous tone. 

“I’m sure she is fine, probably just got held up at school” Nat defended you. 

Just as she finished her sentence you tried to sneak through the back door. Unfortunately, F.R.I.D.A.Y. Announced your arrival. 

“Magnolia Barnes-Rogers entered through the back door.” 

“Shit, I thought I disabled her recognition of me…” you stopped talking when you were met with a large figure at the door. It was your Pops. You let out a bit gulp, knowing you had been caught. 

“Magnolia Carter Barnes-Rogers…. First of all language, secondly you disabled F.R.I.D.A.Y.” He stated in a big booming voice that made shivers go down your spine. 

You just stood there, eyes widened. You were unsure of what to say because any response would’ve pissed off your Pops. 

You were thinking as quickly as possible on how to get out of this situation. 

“I…I… was just getting some tutoring from Peter on the calculus homework” you stuttered immediately regretting the words coming out of your mouth. 

“You were at Peter’s house…alone?” Bucky came around and entered the conversation. 

You shrunk down. 

“Well kind of…Its not a big deal” you huffed, crossing your arms

“Excuse me? It is a big deal if we say it is. Why are you asking Peter for help on your calculus homework anyway? You've never had trouble before.” Steve stated with a confused look on his face. 

He wasn't wrong, you've never struggled in school. Well that is until now anyway. It honestly wasn't that you were struggling and more about you just not doing your work. You had been staying up late helping tony in the lab or talking on the phone with peter so your schoolwork got put on the back burner. 

You just stood there and rolled your eyes. You knew it would piss them off but we hoping it would at least get you out of this conversation so you could escape to your room and make a plan for tonight. 

“Thats it Mags, disabling FRIDAY, not telling us where you were going after school and now the attitude? You are grounded for 1 week” Bucky said sternly, matching you stand and starring you down. 

“WHAT?” you yelled. This definitely wasn't the first time you have been grounded but you were not expecting to get grounded from simply going to Peter's house after school without asking first.

“Hand over your phone” your dad said through his clenched teeth. 

“Here you go!” you screamed, throwing your phone against the ground and storming off to your room. 

The other avengers were in the kitchen still but heard every word of the conversation you had with your dads. 

“What has gotten into her?” Bucky turned towards Steve who was picking your thrown phone up off the floor. 

This was slightly unusual behavior for you. You definitely were more hot headed, taking after your dad. You were a little more on the feisty side and frequently picked fights at school but it had been a while since you acted like that. 

Once you reached your room, you slammed your door and locked it. You grabbed your laptop and started working on disabling FRIDAY so you could still go to that party tonight. Nothing was going to stop you from going now, not your dads and especially not an AI system. 

[skybr1ght]

I just want to say that thank you so much for the kind words, I sadly cant deal much with these anymore but seeing that you guys enjoy my little work means so much to me.

ever since I quite the fandom I've been continuing my original project, its called Trials of Everon and I was planning it to be a game but its still in development for now.

here's some character concept art I made some time ago. I might going to make a separate blog for Everon just like with Funtale.

Peter is a reference to the fairy tale "Peter Pan" as the boy who never grew up. technically he will eventually grow old but since he's an elf his aging are quite slow. also the sword he wield really resembles a hook ;D

Orro design was mostly Inspired from Khora in Funtale or to make it clear she's a deer. Beastman are an Illusive and forgotten race, they once roam most of Alterra plains until the wrath of the emperor wiped out most of their civilization, now those who remains scatters across every nations. they look like animal and act mostly like animal but gladly they do speak common tongue and have some common sense still.

The Giants in everon are a little different than the common one we know from most fantasy stories. the giants are beings that were created from pure light, angelic beings that existed with the purpose of banishing the dark from this world. however whenever there's light then there will always be shadows and even the most pure being can also be corrupted by the dark.

also if you're wondering yes the armors on Dawn are inspired from Ornstein in dark souls. Dark souls too are one of my favorite game so I decide to give a little reference ;D

Mira is a mysterious sorceress from an unknown land. nobody have really met her in person, all they ever hear are just rumors and stories about this mysterious lady, some suspect that she aren't even from this world as stories of her tell that this lady possessed magics that allowed her to tear apart the fabric of reality.

[davidlikesguys02]

We Interrupt This Program

M/n= Male Name 

Bold- Means its on a tv screen. 

GIF Not mine

Word count: 2,932

“No, I can't leave Monica.” “mom? It's ok, I can stay with grandma and…” “I can't leave” “maybe I'll build a spaceship. I wanna be an aircraft pilot.” “when they were handing out kids they gave her the toughest one. Lieutenant trouble.” Monica wakes up breathing heavily and hearing crashing and people screaming as she makes her way towards the door and walks out. “Excuse me….” “they're all coming back. We don't have the capacity” the doctor tells her

“Excuse me. I'm looking for a patient. In room 104…” she asks a nurse “who, my wife? Do you have a phone?” “no” “i have to call my wife.” she makes her way towards the front desk “watch out” she bumps into a man, they both fall backwards grunting “let me help you. Are you ok? You ok?” “I got him. I got him.” “Are you ok?” she asks as she gets up groaning. She turns to the lady in the front desk.

“Excuse me. I'm looking for a patient in room number 104.” “I don't know what to tell you” she starts looking around her “Monica?” “oh, Dr. Highland, thank god!” “I can't believe it, where did you go?” “well, in her room since she came back from the surgery. I mean, I might have fallen asleep, but no longer than 20 minutes. Dr. Highland, where's my mom?” “your mom, she died honey” “what? No, no, no, no you're mistaken. My mother...the procedure went well. You said so yourself. Clean margins. You’re discharging her today”

“The cancer came back.” “Okay, stop, stop. No youre...my mom is Maria Rambeau. Look it up. I mean look it up. Maria Rambeau.” “Monica, I don't understand what's happening, but you need to listen to me Marian died three years ago.” “three? No. no. no…” “which was two years after you…” “after i what? After what?” “after you disappeared.”

Monica is walking towards big metal doors. She takes out her keycards but it beeps so she tries again but it beeped again “Ma’am? Over here please” she walked over to him smiling “hi, good morning. I work here. And…” “if you did, your badge would work, wouldn't it?” “right um… I have a meeting with…” “hey. You know who this is?” “..this guy” “Captain Monica Rambeau.” “Director Tyler Hayward”

“Acting Director. You haven't aged a day” “and you look old as hell” Tyler chuckles “come on, let's catch you up. It's been three weeks and you're the first to report. Cant say I'm surprised captain.” “How are the numbers for the astronaut training program?” “ Dismal. Lost half my personnel in The Blip and half of those remaining have lost their nerve. The program hasn't been the same since you've been up there, Rambeau. We shifted away from manned missions and refocused on robotics, nanotech, AI. Sentient Weapons, like it says on the door.”

“It also says observation and response on that door, not creation” “worlds not the same as you left it. Space is now full of unexpected threats” “always was full of threats. And allies” “Listen, Monica, I just wanna acknowledge the awkwardness of the situation. I know S.W.O.R.D.'s your home. Your mom built this place from the ground up. You grew up here. You should've been here to help name the replacement.” “you were the obvious choice”

“I was the only choice.” “I wasn't gonna say it. Look, Tyler, you know the job you have to do. I'm here to do mine.” ”Let's get you back out there.” he takes out his keycard and opens the door to his office. “The FBI is in a tizzy over missing persons case up in Jersey…” “missing persons?” “I know. But they have requested use of one of our imaging drones, and I need a chaperone.”

“Tyler, drones usually chaperone me.” “i get it” “look, if this is because of...you don't have to worry about me. I'm good.” “There's no easy way to say this, but you're grounded.” Monica chuckles “you're kidding. For how long? Who whose protocol is this?” “Your mother's. She implemented guidelines in the event vanished personnel ever returned. Look, I know it's a raw deal, but there is one positive takeaway.” “what's that?” “she believed you'd come back. You'd be doing me a big favor with this FBI thing, but if you need more time…”

“No. no. I'm good to go” “excellent. Keep me updated, captain.” Monica finally arrived at Westview “James E. Woo, FBI” “Monica Rambeau, S.W.O.R.D. what's the story here, agent woo?” “I've got a witness setup down the road in Westview, and this morning, it looked like he flew the coop?” “Your missing person is in the witness protection program?”

“I have contacted known associates, relatives…” “and let me guess, none of them have seen him either?” “No. None of them have ever heard of him. Something seemed hanky to me, so I took the first flight out of Oakland to interface with local law enforcement, which is when I encountered a new wrinkle.” “what's that?” “Pardon me, Sheriff. Would you mind repeating your claim about Westview to my colleague here?” “no such place” “you're saying the town of Westview, New Jersey, does not exist?”

“It's what I keep telling your G-man here, but he won't listen.” “I see. and , um, I'm sorry, what town are you from?” “Eastview” “Thank you, Sheriff. I'll reach out if we need any further assistance. I, uh, pulled phone numbers for all the residents. I'm only through the D’s, but so far I got Diddly Squat.” “So you can't reach anyone inside and everyone on the outside has some sort of selective amnesia?”

“This isn't a missing person's case, Captain Rambeau, it's a missing town. Population: 3,892.” “Why haven't you gone inside to investigate?” “Cause it doesn't want me to. You can feel it too, can't you? Nobody's supposed to go in.” Monica walks over to her car and pulls out a drone. “What about you?” “Me? Well, I'm from Bakersfield, originally. Growing up, other kids had Michael Jordan posters on their walls, but I had Eliot Ness.”

“No, no, no, no. I mean, why is it that you have an awareness of Westview? Or me, for that matter? Is it because we are outside of a certain radius, or maybe because we don't have a personal connection?” She looks at the screen but the drone malfunctions. She looks up and it's gone “Wait, where'd it go?” “It was right there.” she walk towards the town but stops as she hears electricity bussing “whoa..”

“What is it?” “some sort of energy field” “Careful, Rambeau. Captain Rambeau! Watch it. Rambeau! Captain Rambeau! Captain Rambeau!” she sticks her hand in and it pulls her in and she disappears.

24 Hours Later

“Hey. What's your field?” “We're not supposed to talk to each other.” “hmm? Boy scout leader. Got it. And you” Darcy asked a woman next to the boy scout leader. “Nuclear biology” “artificial intelligence” “astrophysics. We got the full clown car. It means whatever the threat is, S.W.O.R.D. clearly has no idea what they're dealing with.” “I'm a chemical engineer” “no one cares”

“Alright grab your gear.” Darcy walks around the S.W.O.R.D. camp. “Ms. Lewis?” “Dr.Lewis” “we have your gear set up inside.” the man walks Darcy inside a tent “those drones you're sending in, what kind of data are you getting?” “I'm afraid that is highly classified.” “You can't see anything? FBI, Army. I saw the Air Force Office of Special Investigations out there. Research Lab, Space Command, too. A bona fide, joint, multi-service response. Really looking forward to the commemorative T-shirt. Is there somewhere a lady could get a cup of coffee? You guys look like you might get down with those little pod things. Horrendous for the environment…”

“Make your assessment, please” “whoa… I mean, whoa..” “what are you getting?” “a colossal amount of CMBR” “CM…” “Cosmic Microwave Background Radiation.” “we've been told the radiation is within a safe limit” “uh, it is… for now” “wait what do you mean” Darcy shushes the man “there's are longer wavelength superimposed over the noise here” she looks under the desk and struggles to get something “I got it”

“I need a TV. an old one. Like, not flat.” After a few hours it started raining. “Are you good to go?” Hayward asked an agent “yes, sir” “these sewers will take you straight into town. Try to find anything you can on Rambeau” “copy that” “keep me updated” Hayward says as he walks away. “Director Hayward, between you, me, and the bedpost, I am not confident about this mission.” “Thanks for the feedback, Jimmy. If only my drones were as forthcoming.”

“There's no reason to suspect the perimeter doesn't extend subterraneous.” “There's no reason to suspect it does.” Jimmy sighs “We don't know enough about the nature of the threat to send in another agent when the first is yet to return.” “Someone must really miss you back in Quantico.” “No, sir. Softball season's over, sir.” “what do we have up?” Hayward asked agent Rodriguez “Radar, sonar, infrared” “cycle through. Will someone get me a useful visual, dammit?”

Everyone hears a studio audience laughing in the tent “what is that?” “Can I see you in the kitchen for a moment, sweetheart?” “Who is doing that?” “Who are those people?” “What are you wearing?” “Why are they here?” “Well, it's our anniversary!” “our anniversary of what?” “Well, if you don't know, I'm not going to tell you!” “is that..” “ yeah, it looks like him.” “you move at the speed of sound and i can make a pen float through the air, who needs to abbreviate?”

“Look , I know it's been a crazy few years on this planet, but he's dead, right? Not blipped, dead.” “excellent plan. Where's the tenderizer” “what am I looking at? You? What is that? Where's this coming from?” “out there” “you didn’t answer the back door. For your upside-down cake. oh hi, I” “is it authentic?” “I'm not sure how to answer that” “is it happening in real time? Is it recorded, fabricated?” “I don't know. I don't know. And I don't know” “what do you know?” Hayward said annoyed “My equipment registered an extremely high level of CMBR. That's…”

“Relic radiation dating back to the Big Bang.” “Yeah, entwined was a broadcast frequency. So I had your goons pick me up a sweet vintage TV. And when I plug this bad boy in, voilà, sound and picture.” “Dinner is served” “So you're saying the universe created a sitcom starring two Avengers?” Jimmy asked, confused “It's a working theory” “Get me a transport back to headquarters now. Are we recording this?”

“Never stopped.” Darcy says “I need immediate analysis. Now, people. Let's go!” “He’s a charmer.” “great work” “hey, thanks, maybe I could get that cup of coffee now? Or not. It's cool.” ”Aw” Darcy turns to the screen to see you and Vision kissing “Aw”

“First and foremost, our main objective is to get any intel on Captain Rambeau, but originally, this case was a missing person, so we're going to start there. We've successfully identified two individuals inside the Westview anomaly. Let's keep going.” Jimmy says as he puts two pictures up of you and Vision. “This guest is leaving your home” “yes, thank you for coming” “Mr. and Mrs. Hart. played by Todd and Sharon Davis.”

“Computational forms. And no one can process the data quite like you do, pal.” “Agent Woo” “you're like a walking computer.” “Abilash Tandon is Norm” “Harold Proctor is Jones” “we got Isabel Matsueida cast as Beverly” “John Collins as Herb.” Darcy gasps, dropping her Noodle cup and calls Jimmy over “Really?” “Does she seem okay to you?” “Well, she doesn't appear to be harmed in any way, but that is definitely not the boss lady I met yesterday.”

“So what, deep cover? Monica has to play along?” “With whom? Or else, what? All right. Brass tacks, Dr. Lewis. What are we looking at here? Is it an alternate reality? Time travel? Some cockamamie social experiment?” “It's a sitcom. A 1950s sitcom.” “But why?”

“Hey, man, we're working with the same scarcity of intel. But, listen, I do have an idea. So, you've seen that radio in M/n’s kitchen counter, right? The next time he's washing dishes, which, by my count, happens about once an episode, barf, we'll shoot a signal to that little guy. This transmitter will mimic the frequency of the broadcast, and if my theory is right, allow us to speak directly to her. This is totally gonna work. Don't touch that.”

“Agent Woo.” agent Rodrigues hands Jimmy a folder inside the folder there's a colored image of a retro S.W.O.R.D. drone “Is this from the current episode?” “aired about two minutes ago.” “What is it?” Darcy asks “what does it look like to you?” “like a retro version of a S.W.OR.D. drone?” “bingo” “but how did it change and why” “uh, to go with the production design” “or render it useless”

“why‘d you colorize it?” “I didn't” Darcy heads back to the tent. “Let's get this show on the road. Jimmy, you ready?” Darcy asks through an earpiece. “Ready” “bigger and better every season” “uh, Jimmy, Monica is talking to M/n. she's got a speaking part now.” “what is she saying?” “those jeans are peachy keen” “she likes M/n’s jeans” “we only have a few hours” “M/n’s at some sort of swim club. We've never been here before.”

“Is it the 60’s still?” “uh, uh, M/n’s with another character.” “real person?” “ohh, uh, radio on the side table. start talking.” “M/n. M/n, can you read me over?” “I don't...” “Can he hear me?” “I don't think so, keep trying.” “M/n?” “M/n?” “M/n. Who is doing this to you, M/n? M/n? Can you hear me? I'm here to help” “please give us a…” “pop quiz M/n how does a housewife or in this case househusband get a bloodstain out of white linen?”

“Wait” “what?” “I don't know” “by doing it yourself” “that's weird” “what was?” “Nothing, it's over. Mission failure” “it was worth a try. Good effort, doctor.” “yeah come in”

Both Jimmy and Darcy are watching you and Vision on TV “darling, do you think it's time to..” “call the doctor?” “yeah” “yes, I do dear” “1950s, 1960s, and now the '70s. Why does it keep switching time periods? It can't be purely for my enjoyment, can it?” “I cant believe M/n and Vision are having a baby” “you want any?” Jimmy chuckles

“Heck, I thought about it for sure. A little Jimmy Woo. Get him a tiny little FBI badge. Oh, you... Chip? Sure.” “you're doing great. You're doing great. Look at me. Look at me.” “The jig is up” you scream. After a few minutes you hear the baby cry “hi, oh, he's perfect” “what a twist.” Darcy says as she's tearing up “What? I'm invested” “he was killed by Ultron, wasn't he?” “Did she just say the name Ultron? Has that ever happened before? A reference to our reality.”

“No never” “hey I'll take a shift rocking the babies” “no I think you should leave” “oh, M/n, don't be like that” “who are you?” “M/n” “wow this is different” The Tv cuts and Monica is gone “what happened? Where she go?” “god not again” Darcy replays the footage back “who are you?” “M/n” “there's nothing here. One second, Monica is standing right there, and the next she isn’t. Someone is censoring the broadcast.”

“But where's Rambeau?” they suddenly both hear the alarm “Alert! Boundary has been breached! Alert! Boundary has been breached!”

Inside Westview

“Who are you?” “I don't..” you walk closer to her “who are you?” “M/n i'm just your neighbor.” “Then how did you know about Ultron?” you start to see the familiar red glow around your hands “You're not my neighbor. And you're definitely not my friend. You are a stranger and an outsider. And right now, you are trespassing here. And I want you to leave.”

Your familiar red glow wraps around Monica Sending her back through every wall and fence. You gulp “I… I…” you raise your hands and start to fix the hole on the wall as if it never happened. You walk over to your babies hearing them “M/n?” Vision comes in through the door turning back to his synthezoid form “where is Geraldine?” “oh she left honey. She had to rush home”

You turn around to look at Vision and you gasp making you look down “what? What is it? What's wrong?” Vision asks you concerned “Uh..” you slowly look up at him and see that he looks normal again “we don't have to stay here. We could go wherever we want” Vision tells you “no, we can't. This is our home” you move your hand to crease his cheek and he holds onto your hand “are you use”

“oh, don't worry darling. I have everything under control.” you walk over and grab Tommy “oh hi” you turn to Vision smiling “what should we watch tonight?” you walk over to the sofa, Vision sits next to you. He puts an arm around you.

Outside of Westview

“Monica, are you okay?” “it's M/n. its all M/n”

[aka-a-shii]

Day Out || Akaashi K.

Akaashi x F!Reader

genre: fluff

warnings: nothing just fluffiness :3

a/n: i am so sorry that this took so long ㅠㅠㅠㅠ i had been caught up with work and studying but here’s the last piece for the Oya Oya Dads Squad. i hope you love and enjoy this one.. thank you for your patience! 😘

the sun rays peeked through the blinds illuminating Akaashi’s peaceful sleeping face, you slowly bent over to his side and planted a soft kiss onto his cheek.

“wake up, sleepyhead”

Akaashi groaned in response as his eyes started to flutter open. he squints his eyes as the sunlight reflected on his gunmetal blue orbs.

“good morning, angel.” he greeted huskily as sleep still evident in his voice.

you gently press a kiss on his lips as he smiled thru the kiss.

“why are you still here? isn’t your appointment by 9am?” he inquired when he pulled away as his eyes landed on the clock at the bedside table indicating its already 8:30am.

you smiled at him. “Keita was kinda cranky when he woke up earlier so i had to tuck him back to bed again.”

he got up from the bed and wrapped his arms around you, his hands resting on your baby bump.

“you should go now or you will be late.” he stated. you gently placed your hand above his as you reached your free hand to ruffle his hair.

“will you be okay without me?” you asked.

he tightened his hold onto you and nuzzled his face onto the crook of your neck. “of course, princess. so don’t worry and just relax.” Akaashi reassures you.

he walks you to the front door and with a final hug and a gentle kiss on your lips, you left for your appointment.

Akaashi then trotted towards the kitchen to make breakfast for him and keita, he wore his midnight blue apron and reached for the ingredients from the pantry.

he was mixing the batter when he heard little padding of footsteps towards the kitchen, when he turned around, he saw his 4y/o toddler clutching his owl blankie on one hand and his owl plushie on the other.

“good morning, bud! you hungry?” he greets his son.

Keita gently nodded as he rubbed sleep from his eyes. “where’s mommy?” he asked.

“mommy went out to see the doctor.” Akaashi replied as he mixed the batter. he was then responded with silence and when he turned to face his son, he was met by keita’s glassy eyes.

“i-is mommy sick?” his voice almost cracking. Akaashi then turned the stove off and rushed towards the boy and scooped him up. “sshhh don’t cry.” he wiped the tears on his son’s cheek. “mommy is not sick, okay? she just went for a check up to see if the baby is growing healthy in her tummy.” he shushed his son.

“m-mommy and the b-baby will be o-okay?” he sniffled against his dad’s chest. “yes of course! mommy and baby are strong.” Akaashi reassures him.

once he had calmed down, he placed him on his chair and ruffled his hair. “why don’t we eat breakfast first then we’ll go meet mommy later?” Keita nodded enthusiastically in response as Akaashi went back to finishing the pancakes.

—

they happily munched on their breakfast, basking with each other’s presence as they planned their trip for later. Keita being excited to go out on a day-out with his dad after so long.

Keita was Akaashi’s pride and joy. he was so ecstatic when you came home one day with the news of being pregnant with your first child. as keita grew, Akaashi had already thought about having a second child which is why baby number two is on its way. Akaashi himself knew that being an only child is somewhat lonely and he doesn’t want Keita to feel the same as he grow older.

after getting ready, Akaashi finally adjusted Keita’s owl hat and headed out of your humble abode.

“where do you wanna go first?” Akaashi asked as he placed Keita on the car seat at the back of his car.

your son looked so enthralled as he spoke with enthusiasm. “bookstore!”

Akaashi lets out a chuckle and ruffle his son’s hair. “okay buddy.”

the drive to the bookstore was short yet the father and son duo enjoyed every bit of it. and as Akaashi led his son inside, he didn’t missed how sparkles on Keita’s eyes glistened at awe. “daddy! books! lots of them!” he excitedly grabbed his father’s sleeve as he pulled him to the children’s books section.

Keita got his love for books from Akaashi and its not the only thing he got from him. he was exactly the splitting image of Akaashi Keiji, from the gunmetal blue eyes, to the messy jet black hair and even the little mannerism of fidgeting his fingers when anxious. all good genes inherited from Akaashi.

they stopped in front of one of the bookshelves and keita took a book. he showed it to his dad with stars emitting from his eyes that definitely matches his dad’s. “do you want to get that one?” Akaashi asked and Keita nods furiously. “don’t you want more?” he added and keita just shook his head and gazed on the book he’s holding. “i just want this one daddy!” he beamed. the book keita took was a picture book of “The Little Prince”, you personal favorite. and at an early age, Keita had begun reading as one of his past time activities. you would tell him the story from hours to end and it never fails to amaze him. which is why he grew to love the story of “The Little Prince” as well.

as soon as Akaashi took the book, they roamed each aisle in the bookstore, scanning some new releases that might caught your husband’s liking. and when he found a book they went to the cashier and paid for their purchase. the old lady behind the cashier took notice that Akaashi brought his son. “he looks exactly just like you.” she commented and handed him their books. “he surely does!” he replied with a big smile on his face and took their books. the both of them bid their goodbyes to the old lady and headed to their final stop to meet you.

its was a warm and cozy cafe where you and Akaashi had your first date during highschool. the place held so many memories with you and your husband, and now with your little family. they settled on a booth near the window where your regular spot is. Akaashi sipping his coffee as Keita downed his blueberry crepes. the chiming bells caught their attention as you made your way into the cafe. waddling with your 5-month belly to their booth, Akaashi immediately stood up and guided you, placing a kiss on top of your head. “how was the check up?” he inquired and sat you on the chair besides his. “the doctor said she’s growing healthy and we have nothing to worry about.” you reached for Keita’s hair and ruffled it. “she also said that i just need to continue taking the supplements for the both of us.”

Akaashi smiled at that. “that’s good to hear.” and he rubbed your belly gently. turning your attention to your son, you asked him how his day went with his dad. “daddy bought me a book! let’s read it when we get home mommy!” he excitedly stated. “read it to me and my baby sister!” and that made the baby girl in your tummy to kick which made you jolt for a second. Akaashi noticed this and asked you if you’re okay. “the baby kicked!” you said and immediately the worry washing away from your husband’s handsome face. Keita jumped out from his seat and rushed towards you. “mommy are you okay?” concern all over his face. you reassured him you were and that his sister just moved in your tummy.

you gently reached for his tiny hand and placed it on your belly where his baby sisster kicked. and with that, the baby in you kicked again and Keita definitely felt it on how his eyes widened as a big smile plastered over his face. “the baby is moving!” he exclaimed. which made you and Akaashi to laugh.

Akaashi stood up and volunteered to order for you, while you and Keita stayed and continued to talk about their trip to the bookstore. Keta told you about the nice old lady back there who was so nice to him and how he is really excited to read the book with you when you get home. despite being the splitting image of your husband, Keita’s personality was more like you, bright and jolly, but sometimes he also act like his father which makes him a mixture of you both.

Akaashi approaches your booth with a tray in his hands, a cup of chai tea and a slice of blueberry cheesecake just like you wanted. you muttered a thanks as he slides back to his his seat enjoying the company of his two most favorite persons in the world. a smile grazing his handsome features as he gazed lovingly at the two of you, slowly he reached for your and gently stroke the wedding band adorning your finger. oh how lucky he was to be your husband he thought, and he can’t help the swelling of his when you locked eyes with him and smiled back at him. he would never exchange anything in this world for what he has now and what the future holds for him and his little family.

Akaashi mouthed a soft “i love you” and held your hand tighter, reciprocating his gestture, you then gave him a kiss on the cheek.

“i love you too.”

you and Keita is his universe that he’s ever grateful to have.

Taglist: @whootwhoot @tsvvkki @mirikusashes @curiouslilbeast @saku-kun @chesley-cant-deal @clara-geekhime @michelepiekenma @raineedayze @kellesvt @lollypop-lam @kyomihann @doodleniella @akasuns

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[kulfigf]

im going to rant abt arranged marriage a bit below the cut, pls dont rb but feel free to read :3

ik like people say that talking about arranged marriage in an inherently derogative way is "racist", but like living through it, it must be known that there's not a day of my life that goes by without it hanging over my fucking head. it's a circling, never-resolving, horrible conversation i have with my mother almost everyday and it makes me sick with anger and anxiety.

i am the oldest of all grandkids, and i am a girl. and that sucks dick because as a muffinmuncher i am literallly just waiting for the day I will have to come out to my family. like i dont have a choice -- it's either that i refuse to tell them and have to deal with years and years of them badgering me to get married and them questioning my worth as a person, or submitting and marrying a guy. no, im not getting forcibly abducted and made to marry, but the "choice" i have is not a choice since it comes with fucking Terms and Conditions.

i have a second cousin who is not married -- she's in her mid-30s and she's not some flourishing careerwoman, shes just a regular lady, but every family event is hell for her. i know this because she's the "black smear" in the family for not being married despite her "age". my family likes to regard themselves as being "respectful" so they will not stoop to name-calling but what they do is actually fucking worse. they are convinced, my mom included, that she is deeply, truly unhappy and lonely. whether or not she is none of our godamm business but the fact that it is attributed to the fact that she isnt married to a proper christian boy is aggravating.

i am a hundred percent sure that this will be done to me the day that i refuse -- all these people who have met me only once a year will talk about my supposed unhappiness. my mother warns me about this unhappiness all the time -- "you say all this now, but you dont know how unhappy you'll be when you dont have someone to live your life with". and the truth is I will be unhappy because i will have to risk losing many people i grew up loving and caring for -- i will be unhappy, and it will not be fixed by an arranged marriage.

my mom walked on eggshells around my dad's mom during the early years of their marriage. my grandma is treated like fucking shit by my grandpa and she grins and bears it all. my dad is an outlier simply because he does the groceries and the laundry, "feminist" ads on TV laud men for knowing to operate the washing machine -- how can i fucking expect that some fucker who is balding in his twenties will treat me with respect? ik that i will never marry but im so afraid that this is the reality that awaits some of my close friends.

in my old house, when i was barely five, my neighbours were these two girls who were high schoolers. when we moved out we kept in sparse touch, but we went to meet them when the oldest got married. i called her ramya akka; ramya was her name and akka is the honorific address for a woman older than you in the local language. she was incredibly bright -- they only had their mom and each other growing up so she knew how to run the house, she had to grow up early. i mustve loved her as a child and i remember her being like light. her groom was some guy who had scored a job in the united states, and the wedding was lavish. ramya akka had barely lifted her face from the floor, and my sisters and i marked that day as the day our childhood died.

a few years later when she flew back here, she was so quiet and dimmed. her green card hadnt been fully secured so she had spent the last year doing nothing. her husband was away from home most of the time, and she joked in a way that seemed sad to me -- "oh when im sick, he cant take care of me because he cant cook. he makes me a watery rice and daal and i leave the bed telling him that id rather do it myself". when she leaves, my grandma beams and tells me "god she was so ill-behaved as a kid, but look at her now she is so mature". it has been a couple of years since but i still cant recall the evening without wanting to cry.

in all ways except physical, ramya akka is dead and people not only let that happen, but they lauded her for it. many women kill themselves at the altar or the wedding mandap, and it's a death you have to do or else you will risk your respect and your face and your fucking dignity. it's a horror for a cishet woman, and it's a fucking ticking timebomb for queer ones. i know i will lose the relationship i have with my aunts, who i love dearly, the day that i tell them who i am. i should not have to live with this, no one should.

[klaumiel]

You are all I’ve got, Austin.// Chapter 2: Mama Knows Best

I was sitting in my favourite armchair in my parent’s house, sipping tea and chilling like every other Saturday morning. She makes the best tea in the world, like a magic elixir for all my fears and problems. Checking my phone every few minutes, I looked at my mum sitting on the sofa focused on filing her long red nails. She is beautiful as always, so classy and sophisticated, with her beautiful long black and curly hair, big brown eyes. She looked like a proper lady in her brown pencil skirt and white shirt neatly pushed inside, long legs like a model, nobody can tell that she just turned fifty-two. She was glowing. And yet, there was this familiar sadness in her eyes, I’ve seen it so many times, this look when she stares in the distance lost in her thoughts, hurts me every time seeing her like this because I know exactly what it means.

Dad promised her that this will be his last deployment and he will retire so they can finally live their lives the way they wanted, but he said that last time as well and one before that. She knew that he always wanted to reach the Captain rank, and she let him follow his dreams. Even if that meant leaving us for months every year, missing Christmas, birthdays and challenging times. He got promoted four years ago and finally, after over thirty years in the army, he had his dream job. My mother never complained, she loves him too much, after all, he was her first love her ‘hero’ as he always calls him.

She was devoted to her work as a music teacher, that always helped her in worse times, we grew up with her beautiful songs and a voice of an angel, her powerful cante flamenco only proved how magical and emotional music can be.

It was tough for her to leave Sevilla, her family and friends, but she did it for love, for my Dad. My grandmother was against it, but she did it anyway. A nineteen years old music student with no language or money, completely alone only a handsome soldier that she fell in love with a few months before. She knew that she will have a beautiful life; she took a risk, and it paid off. Well, that’s what she uses to tell us, was it really what she always dreamt off? Being part-single single mother with two kids, praying every day for her husband to come back in one piece and not in the wooden box? I think she tried so hard to convince herself that in the end, she believed it.

She is the most caring and loving person I know, always two steps ahead of us catching us before we fall, still supporting even if what we are doing it’s just stupid and illogical.

We didn’t give her a hard time as kids, as twins, we naturally looked after one another without even thinking about it, if one was in trouble or going through a hard time the other one always knew. It always freaked me out how this is possible that being somewhere else I can still feel Shaun’s emotions and vice versa. We are the same in every aspect, like the same things, react the same way to everything.

‘Maya!’ She snapped me from my thoughts ‘I asked you if you want more tea and some cake? Lemon cheesecake your favourite.’ Did she just said lemon cheesecake !?

‘Oh my god, Mum! You don’t have to ask twice. You know that I would die for it’ She laughed and walked to the kitchen.

I looked at my phone again. Just a few silly messages from Gemma describing Greg’s best bed tricks. I swear she will eat this poor guy alive! After a few conversations with Greg, I convinced him to give her a chance, he finally understood that we can’t be together as the feeling wasn’t mutual.

They went on a date a few days after, and now they are inseparable, I felt a little guilty that I left this for so long I could’ve pushed them earlier to try.

I called Gemma while my mum was in the kitchen.

‘Hey, girl! What’s up?!’ She answered I could hear Greg in the background; I guess I just disturbed something. Did he just moan?!

‘Nothing much, I’m just chilling here with my mum and wanted to check how are you doing, but from your texts, and what I can hear I guessed you are nice and comfy whenever you are’ I laughed

‘Well, I’m with Greg … I had to pull him away from work, he spends way  too much time working on things that don’t matter, he needs to relax, reports and taxes can wait until Monday I am more important right now’ she giggled

‘You know he is a workaholic, but I can see you are doing a great job in changing that, I’m glad to hear it. ‘

‘And how is your prison bae? Did you decide if you are going to visit him? I thought that was your plan for today, to surprise him. Did you chicken out?’ I checked if my mum wasn’t coming back from the kitchen, and I lowered my voice.

‘I didn’t chicken out, I called yesterday, but I was late for booking. Plus I am not sure if surprising him is a good idea, maybe I should discuss this with him first ‘ I saw my mum coming back from the kitchen.

‘Is your call girl, you know him better, but you have to make up your mind. Six weeks of only texting and sending hot pics is a long time. You are long overdue for the next level. Just don’t get too invested if you are not sure if you want to make a move, plus is not like you two have much of a future… I think you should look elsewhere is pointless to waste your time on him at this point, he has no future ’ Not much of a future ?! Waste my time?! What the hell was that about?! I was just about to call her out, but I saw my mum in the living room pouring tea and putting three plates on the table.

‘OK, Gemma, I have to go. Have fun, just make sure you can walk on Monday. Sara is only waiting for a chance to shame you in front of everyone…Bye’ I hang up before she could answer. I couldn’t believe that she said that. What got into her? She was very salty about the whole Austin situation from the start, and recently she avoided me. Just talking about herself and Greg. Even in the office, we didn’t chat as much as we use to. I was puzzled and hurt at the same time, that was so mean and entirely not like her.

I tossed my phone on the table with anger, and I was just about to dig into my cheesecake when I heard a doorbell.

‘I will get it Mum!’ I run to the door, I knew it was Shaun I could feel it, smiling from ear to ear, his black curls wet from the rain falling in his green eyes.

I am always so happy to see him, my little brother. Well, three minutes difference, but still, he is younger than me, and he hates it.

‘Hello, sis! I think I need a towel is absolutely lashing out there’ He said, shaking his wet hair while coming inside.

‘Here it is sweetheart, just in time, cake is on the table.’ My mum always two steps ahead, always prepared. She hugged him and dried his head with towel messing his hair up.

As soon as we sat down, I heard my phone ping. A familiar tune that made me smile each time I heard it. It was him! Of course, it was, I didn’t talk to anyone else there. I grabbed it as fast as I could, Shaun and Mum were busy chatting about some series on Netflix that I didn’t see, so I took the opportunity to focus on the conversation with Austin. He had a shitty day, so I decided to cheer him up a little. I’ve sent him a picture of me holding a tray with the pie that I’ve made the day before from the recipe he gave me. I was covered in flour from head to toe my hair was all messy. He joked about the mess I made in the kitchen. We talked about our favourite desserts, we had the same taste, so it wasn’t surprising to me when he said that lemon cheesecake is also his favourite. It was a short conversation, his time in the library was over. He kept his phone there, in one of the books.

I was happy to have at least this ten minutes with him. Made me feel better that I managed to cheer him up a little bit, he was a bit tense lately. I had a feeling he is hiding something, but I didn’t want to push him.

I’ve put my phone down, and I saw Shaun and Mum staring at me.

‘What?’ I asked nervously looking around myself to see what they are looking at. ‘Did I spill some tea? ‘

‘Who was that sweetie?’ My Mum smiled at me ‘Was it Albert?’ Why would she think it was Albert?

‘No, why you think it was Albert? I didn’t hear from him for weeks, plus we left it as they were. I don’t want to waste my time on him. I don’t even know when he is coming back, could be months. I made my decision, one soldier in the family is enough. I want my man to be next to me every day. I am not strong enough to go through the same as you’ her smile dropped instantly. Fuck! My big mouth again! ‘ Mum I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to..’

‘It’s ok love, I know what you mean, and I fully understand it’s not an easy life, and if you don’t feel like he is worth that kind of commitment you shouldn’t waste your time and wait for him. I stuck with your father because he was the one, still is but if you don’t feel like Albert is that’s only fair’ she paused for a second, and her smile came back ‘ So if not Albert who was it then? You were smiling and giggling the whole time. I didn’t see you like this for a long time.’

She was right, I didn’t feel like this for a long time, this whole Luke situation messed me up pretty badly.

‘It’s nothing, is just a guy from Lovelink that I am chatting with. Really, not a big deal’ She didn’t believe a word I said. Shaun shoot me an angry glance. Mum always knows when we are lying.

‘You are not getting away with this, not this time, you just blew your cover by giggling like mad! He knew about Austin, I told him everything, and I felt like it is time to share it with mum. At this stage, I was too deep into this, and she already knew that I am hiding something. We never had any secrets in the family, we made a promise that we need to share everything so we can help each other when we needed, and I didn’t want to break it.

I looked at my phone again and saw the last message from Austin.

“Bye messy pie ’’

I smiled. He is so fucking sweet, sometimes. Took a deep breath.

‘OK, I will tell you but please don’t freak out.’

She poured more tea to the mugs sat comfortably on the sofa, put her hands on her knees. She was ready, that’s what she thought, but she wasn’t.

‘About six weeks ago I matched with this guy, Austin Russo. I wasn’t sure at first, but I swiped because he intrigued me, I saw something interesting in him. See for yourself.’ I showed her his profile picture and the one he sent me a few weeks ago with his pop. I kept shirtless to myself.

‘Wow, handsome man. So far, so good.’ God, she is so not ready for that. Shaun smiled, he knew I was shitting myself, I didn’t want her to know.

‘Well, we really clicked, not right away. In the beginning, I thought that he is a bit of a prick, rude and arrogant, but he started to open up and … we were texting every day, getting to know each other. He is a bit rough around the edges but is getting better. I think I am bringing his soft side now. You will like that… he is a poet.’ I had to start with the right things, prepare her. She loves poetry.

‘Oh, that’s so romantic. You seem to like him.’

‘Yes, I do. I feel like we have a connection, even tho we’ve been only texting, we didn’t really meet in real life yet, but we have something special.’

‘ He didn’t take you for a date in six weeks? Why? That’s a red flag sweetheart ‘ Fuck! Here we go. Just say it! I looked at Shaun, begging for help, but he nodded reassuring me. I took a deep breath and looked at my Mum. My mouth was dry as sand, I took a big sip of tea, brushed my hair nervously She is going to flip.

‘Mum, we couldn’t go on a date because he is in prison’ My heart pounded in my chest, I  desperately searched for her reaction. She had a poker face, but I knew she was shocked, she didn’t say anything because she knew this is not all ‘He was falsely accused of murder seven years ago.. he is innocent, but there is not enough evidence to prove it.’

She didn’t say anything, just looked away then down. I felt my eyes filling with tears. She is disappointed, she won’t even look at me. I caught Shaun looking at her. Finally, she said quietly slowly bringing her eyes back to me.

‘Well, this was unexpected.. how long is his sentence?’ Mum was very serious, but I could see that she cared, she was worried. There was approval in her piercing brown eyes. That approval that I needed right now.

‘He is on the death row.’ I nearly whispered, looking at the floor, tears flowing. I felt horrible. On one side, my mum, always wanting me to find a good Nobel man and have a perfect family, one that we never had. And on the other side Austin, the not ideal partner for her perfect daughter, another criminal

‘Oh my god, sweetie.’ She sat on the floor next to me, took my hands in hers and looked at me ‘Are you hundred per cent sure he is innocent?’

‘ Yes, I believe him.’ I whispered

I told her everything. How Austin and his pop ran a chop shop together, how his half-brother Bennie started using heavy drugs and his father kicked him out, so he decided to take them down with his new gang; they got into a fight and Bennie tried to shoot Austin but his pop pushed him away and took the bullet. Bennie and his thugs knocked Austin down and left him next to his dead father with the gun in his hand. Unfortunately, this was enough evidence to prove him guilty and sentenced to death.

I didn’t even notice that I was crying like a baby the whole time. I must’ve looked pathetic.

‘ I know that you think I must be stupid, he could be lying and just playing me, but I really have feelings for him. I can’t even explain it. I believe him, he would never kill his father, he loved him, I could feel it from the way he spoke about him.’ I took a deep breath trying to calm myself ‘I saw his rough side when we started talking, but now he is a different person…  he opened up ‘ Suddenly all the thoughts of losing him went through my head

‘Mum... I have to help him … I don’t know how but I can’t let him die.’ I felt her arms wrapped around my shoulders when she squeezed to sit next to me. She wiped my cheeks and lifted my chin.

‘ Sweetheart, I would never think you are stupid. Love is never stupid, I would’ve been a complete hypocrite to think this way. You are my daughter, my whole world, and I love you with my whole heart. You are exactly like me when you fall for someone you fall deep. I can see that you care about this boy. And your golden heart won’t let you just leave him like that.  Maya, if you believe he's innocent, I trust you’ She pointed at my phone ’ I don’t see a murderer in him, there is good in his eyes. And what’s most important you see a good person in him, you gave him a chance because you knew is right.’ Her expression softened ‘ We better start thinking about how we can help him.’

Shaun sat on the sofa, resting his head on his hands, suddenly he got up.

‘Sis, we will figure something out. There must be a way to get him out of this, talk to him see what you can learn. I’m sure he knows what to do but is holding back, is too proud to ask you for help. He is too young and definitely not ready to die…Listen… Dad will be back in a few weeks maybe he can pull some strings, in the meantime try to convince Austin to let you help him.’

I wasn’t expecting my mum to understand, but she saw something more than just a stupid girl falling in love with the guy who most likely will never see the outside world before saying goodbye to it. She felt my determination and will to get him out of this shit, and as always she was two steps ahead.

‘ What was the other evidence apart from the gun?’ She asked while walking back to the sofa

‘ Partial DNA on him, which by the way is the same as Bennie’s, if we could have his DNA that would be a full match. I’m sure that would be enough to prove him innocent. I spoke with him about this, but nobody knows where Bennie is now, and police aren’t even looking for him. Plus is not easy to convince Austin to let me help him, he is stubborn, he lived with the idea that there is no chance for him to get out for seven years and now when there is a small chance he is scared, he won’t admit it, but he is scared someone will get hurt because of him again.’

‘You have to convince him’ Shaun said ‘ I am sure he knows something, a guy like Bennie can’t just disappear without the trace unless they are dead. Then we are screwed… Talk to him and don’t do anything stupid alone, you have me’ He smiled and flicked my nose

Next day I spoke with Austin about the possibility of finding Bennie, of course, he didn’t want me to get involved. How someone can be so stubborn!?

But that day, I decided that I had enough of him pissing around. After he got stabbed in the library by few of Bennie’s thugs who tried to cut his tongue, to make sure he won’t speak before the execution.

This was the point in which I drew the line, it was too much. My man was in grave danger, and I suppose to sit with my arms crossed? No fucking way! But before he managed to get proper angry he told me that we will give it ago, he had information where Bennie was last seen, he sent me an address and asked me to wait until we make a plan. He clearly doesn’t know me as well as he thinks he does.’

The moment Austin went offline, I put the address in my GPS  and drove there. I looked around the place that seemed to be a chop shop. Austin texted me when I was hidden behind the fence. He was fuming, I didn’t listen to him after all, he specifically told me to wait. Sorry not sorry, darling.

We confirmed that the bike outside the shop was Bennie’s, I went to look around searching for anything useful, but then my luck reached its end together with my common sense.

Bennie found me. I had only one chance to use this to my advantage, he was meters away from me. I only needed a bit of his hair, that's all.

I could stir it anyway I could, I had him right in front of me, but no. I did the only thing my stupid mind told me to.

I agreed to go on a date with a murderer. How wonderfully clever of me. Mama will be proud.

It was the stupidest idea ever, but it was the only chance I had to free Austin, or at least save his life.

Austin wasn’t happy with the idea, but he knew it is the only way. Only one shot, he’s the only door to freedom.

We planned everything, go in get the hair and get out. Simple as that. Nothing can go wrong, right? Right.

I called Shaun, I was stupid and desperate enough to go on a date a murderer but not dumb as to go there alone.

[boywivlove]

| Title | Floral |

| Pairing | Jung Hoseok x Reader

| Word Count | 3k

| Genre | Florist AU, fluff, slight romantic moments

| Summary | Reader has moved back with her parents in her small hometown; after her life hasn't turned out the way she had hoped, and dealing with bouts of depressive thoughts. When she runs into an old friend from school, can he help her through her low point to see the sunlight after the storm?

| Warnings | descriptions of depression and depressive thoughts. 

| AN | So this is my second half of the `April showers bring May flowers` collaboration, and I'm really glad to get this out!! This has a mildly gloomy beginning but I promise a fluffy ending!

On a personal note I wrote this fic to kind of get some of my own thoughts out, I think there are alot of us who have gloomy days, and our thoughts are anything less than happy. And I just want to say if anyone reading this also has days like this please know your not alone and you are loved <3 Please enjoy, stay safe, and have a lovely day!

The rain kept coming, pouring down relentlessly as you were stopped at a red light, You didn't mind. If anything it relaxed you. The sound of rain always made it easy for you to fall asleep, driving in the rain drowned out the world to you, making it easier to concentrate on your thoughts, no matter how glum they were. You looked out of your window, the last hours of daylight clinging to the skyline, smudged with the storm clouds that had been gushing rain for the last couple of hours. The weather seemed to match your mood perfectly.

You didn't know exactly when your life started to feel gloomy and dull, but you know it had been a while, almost a year at most. Looking back, you had such high hopes for your life, finish college, finish university, get a good job, move out and live your life. But while you tried your best in education, that's when the thoughts of doubt and paranoia started to bury themselves in your mind. 

You were constantly thinking the friends you had grown close to had only tolerated you, and your parents were secretly disappointed in you. It was hard to concentrate on your degree while trying not to have a breakdown in the middle of class. Eventually you had to leave your studies for the sake of your mental health, and you got a new job to keep on top of your rent, and it was good, but after a while, the same nagging thoughts came back, same thoughts, different setting. 

You had made your way down the long winding road of the countryside, eventually passing the town's welcome sign. This is where you're going to be staying now, back in the town you grew up in, the town you had imagined all the great things you were going to do with your life. You had decided that you needed a do over, and after a talk with your parents, a decision was made that you would take some time out from everything, and come and stay with them until you get back on your feet. 

Leaving your job was hard, but gave you room to exhale and let out some of your anxiousness. But at the same time, you were right back where you started. It's not like you could go back to school, and try and get a degree in a different subject, the only thing you could do was try and work through your issues and try and find a job. 

You arrived at your parents house just after 10 pm, and you parked the car in the driveway, leaving the boxes of everything you owned in the garage until your could sort your old room out, your parents had turned it into a pantry, but now it was remade into a room for you, a bed, closet, desk, but the personal touches could come later, right now you wanted to sleep, not even changing out of your clothes you crawled into bed, letting the rain lull you into sleep.

It had been 3 months since you had packed up your life and moved back with your parents, and they had been nothing but supportive, the medication you were given helps only a little with the depressive moments. You had been taking care of yourself and now finally you wanted to start looking for a new job, your parents had said not to worry about rent or paying your way, but you owed it to them, and yourself. You wanted to prove that you could overcome the black dog that hung over you. 

It was easier said than done, for a small town, the job opportunities were even shorter. A lot of the businesses here were family owned, and didn't really need any new workers. It had taken you around 30 rejections before you got an offer from a little independent bakery, owned by a lovely old lady named Rose. The pay wasn't great, but hey, it was something, and Rose was lovely, remembering you from when you used to live here as a kid, and gave you a chance. 

 Now, months later, you and Rose were doing great, you had learnt her tips and tricks for making her baked goods, and found the locals to be a breath of fresh air, the bakery having plenty of regulars to get to know and talk to, a surprisingly nice reprieve from the comings and goings of random faces, a thing that made your old job kind of daunting. 

The days you spent in the bakery didn't melt into one, each day had a little something new, a new recipe, new stories from the regulars, and sometimes new faces, and one particular day had a face you had not seen in years.

The sun had finally seemed to come out from behind the clouds, the rain never seemed to stop, but it happened now only with small sprinkles. The hanging baskets of lavender outside the shop dripped onto customers who entered, and the window baskets that held an array of colourful pansies were nicely watered thanks to the rain. 

Rose had made you feel so at home in this bakery, and she has so much faith in you, leaving  you in charge of the shop for a week or so while she visited her son overseas, and it meant so much to you. Her trust in you had given you something to aspire to.

You were doing your best.

You had just taken another batch of bread rolls out of the oven, and had just set about  brewing a pot of coffee when he came in. His hair was speckled in rain droplets as he placed his umbrella in the stand. He approached the counter and peered at the choices. As he was browsing you gave him a once over, he was cute. He was dressed in a white button up shirt and black pants, a long brown corduroy jacket and a deep maroon scarf wrapped around his neck. His face was nice to look at, his hair framed his chiselled jaw nicely, and his shoulders were nice and broad. Now you didn't make a habit of ogling the customers, but you haven't seen this guy in the bakery before, so he was something new to you.

You approached the counter as he was still considering his selection.

“ Hey Rose, you don't have any of those white chocolate almond cookies ready do you?” 

He didn't even look up as he was trying to locate the cookie in the rack, it was almost a childlike movement, both his hands placed on the glass and his eyes squinted in concentration. It was oddly familiar to you.

“Hey, not Rose, but we do have some in the oven that are almost ready if you fancy waiting?” 

Your voice seemed to surprise him, as his head shot up and his eyes widened slightly

“Oh, I'm so sorry, I never see anyone else behind the counter he he, Is Rose back there?”

He rubbed his nose in a kind of embarrassed movement, looking towards the back room for a second, and then back at you, his eyes roamed your face as he smiled at you. 

“Ha ha it's alright, I only started 3 months ago, and sadly no, Rose is visiting her son for a couple of weeks, left me in charge, I`m Y/N”

Your chest puffed slightly, taking pride in the fact that Rose had trust enough in you to leave her business in your care. 

“Ahhh Rose must really trust you to leave her pride and joy in your hands,,, wait, Y/N?”

His face was wrinkled slightly, as if trying to remember something that he couldn't quite grasp for a second.

“Yeah? Have we met?”

“ Y/N, Y/L/N  from high school ? “

 You didn't recognise him at first, it had been so long since you had seen him, but you quickly realised who it was as you remembered the way his eyes crinkled when he smiled, and his bright toothy smile.

“.... oh my god, Hobi ?”

Now that was something that you didn't see coming. Hobi, the guy in front of you was Hobi, the high school funny guy who made everyone laugh, the guy who danced out everything he said. Honestly, you had expected him to be long gone from this town by now, he was always so gifted in the way he moved, you thought for sure he could have gone into a career in dancing. 

Still, it was nice to see him after so long, when you graduated high school you tried to keep in contact but the distance eventually fizzled the friendship out. You had always felt bad for never getting in touch with Hobi, you were good friends by the time high school ended. But here he was, sitting with you after closing time having tea and cookies. 

“I cant believe your here Y/N, it's been so long since I've seen you!” 

Hobi took a bite of his cookie, smiling as he did, his smile hasn't changed, still as bright as the sun. You sipped your tea as he spoke.

“Have you been here long? I've only just come back from a vacation so I'm sorry I didn't know you were here, I would have been one of the first to see you if I did”

“No only three months or so, and it's OK Hobi, if anything I'm sorry I never stayed in contact with you, things have been a little difficult for me you know?” 

“How so if you don't mind me asking?”

So you filled Hobi in on how you ended up back in your hometown, and how you're working through your feelings, he was sympathetic, but he didn't baby you or try to advise you on how to go about things.

“Anyway enough about myself, have you been here all this time? You never moved away or anything?”

Hobi laughed as he set his cup down, running his hand through his hair, he took out a business card out of his wallet. The gold embellished font against the crisp white background stood out beautifully.

 ` Fragrant Florals by Jung Hoseok. EST 1978 ` 

“ I went to college here, I still studied dance like I did in highschool, and my grandma gave me a part time job in the flower shop, when she passed, she left it to me. I thought long and hard about what I wanted to do, but the shop has so many memories of my grandma you know?”

You remembered Hobi`s grandmother, she had owned that flower shop for over 30 years, and it was nice to know that Hobi stayed and kept it going. You haven't felt this at ease in a long time, it was as if you finally came home and was able to breathe again, and seeing Hobi again made you feel lighter than air.

“Come with me, I want to show you something”

Hobi had met you as you locked up the bakery for the night, you two had been catching up a lot in the past month, making up for lost time he would say. He would come and visit you on his lunch breaks, grab a coffee and some baked treat and shoot the breeze with you while you had no one to serve. Other times you would stop by his flower shop and bring him a coffee when he was busy. It was nice. You can't believe you let yourself fall out of contact with him.

But as much as you had been enjoying your life lately, you had noticed the negative thoughts starting to creep back into your mind. You would catch yourself thinking of all the ways you would mess everything up, that people will start getting bored of you. That Hobi would start getting bored of you… You wouldn't lie to yourself, You like Hobi. He was always a nice boy growing up, and he was a great guy now. But you knew your feelings for him were starting to become more than friends. And you were so scared about messing things up, that Hobi wouldn't want to be anything more than friends, that stopped you from admitting your real feelings for him.

“Where are we going?”

“Ahh, I'm not saying, you have to close your eyes.”

“Hobi were in the middle of a street, iI cant-”

“Trust me, your gonna love it Y/N”

Hobi flashed you a toothy grin, and covered your eyes with his hands, guiding you toward wherever it was he was taking you. You heard the cars passing by and the occasional person greeted you both. You came to a stop a little while after, as he kept your eyes closed with one hand he rummaged around for his keys, unlocking the door as a bell chimed upon opening it.

“Your shop? Hobi, I've been here a hundred times. Why do I need to keep my eyes closed…”

“Don't open them yet! I just need to get the lights…”

Letting out an airy laugh you kept your eyes closed, the shop had a variety of different smells, but overall smelt earthy, just like Hobi. You heard the click of a light switch, and you felt his presence in front of you. You felt his hands on your arms as he gently guided you to where he wanted you to be. He was so close to you. 

Hobi smelled so good. His scent was a mix of fruity, woody hints, but also had hints of spices and earth, all his time tending to his plants and bouquets rubbing off on him in the best way. 

“Ok, annnnd, open”

You opened your eyes, letting them get used to the light, and what you saw made you take a surprised breath. 

He had taken you into the back of the shop, to his own little greenhouse, and turned it into your own little restaurant. In the centre of the greenhouse, surrounded by his many growing flora, was a small table set nicely with food cooling in dishes. Fairy lights hung above the table, shimmering like stars. Magical. You turned to Hobi with a small smile, his own smile a most bashful as he waited for your response.

“Wow, You did all this?”

“Well, this is a small town, not many places to go you know, I wanted to take us somewhere new, so I thought, why now make somewhere new”

He looked at you with such a fondness, you felt your heart flutter slightly.

“But, I also wanted to take you somewhere that's not crowded, I know you've been feeling down again lately, I can tell. You fiddle with your hands when you start over thinking, I wanted, I wanted to make something special for you.”

You felt yourself well up slightly, his gesture had really touched your heart. He was too good for this world, too good for you. You couldn't contain your tears as they fell down your cheeks. You hugged Hobi as he let you cry onto his shoulder. His arm wrapped around you as he brought his other hand to rest in your hair. It was like something straight out of a romance movie. Made even more so by the tapping of rain that started against the windows. 

“Hobi, you're amazing, you know?”

“Ah come on, I just thought you would like a surprise.”

“No, I mean it. You always know just what to do, your kind and caring, and you never make me feel bad about how I feel” 

You raised your head to look at him, his eyes held so much care in them, his lips parted slightly, as if contemplating what to say, and looking into your eyes, he must have decided. His face came a little closer to yours, and in the softest of moments, he placed a light kiss to your forehead before resting his chin on top of your head. It was like thunder to you, sending a shiver down your spine. You breathed in his scent as your face nuzzled his neck slightly. 

“I'm glad you like it Y/N, I don't want you to feel the way you do about yourself, I know it's hard for you. But I just wish you could see yourself how I see you. You're perfect to me, you always have been.”

“Since when are you this cheesy?”

“Hey cheesy is my forte, and if it makes you happy I'll keep being cheesy”

You shared a laugh, breaking apart from him ever so slightly to look at him again, his hand in your hair made its way to your cheek, his thumb wiping the remaining tears that streaked down your face. 

Your mind, ever the interrupter, was screaming at you that this wouldn't last, that this is all a dream. But the thoughts were suddenly silent as Hobi placed his lips on yours, his kiss was soft and delicate, not wanting to overstep a boundary that he might have misread. 

You had never felt more at ease. With a deep inhale, it was as if the weight of everything you felt had lifted from your heart, and it finally started to beat again. 

You had first thought coming back to your childhood town was a huge step back for your life, but there, in a small flower shop. It was the start of something new, something that you would look back on when you feel yourself slipping into your dark thoughts as a moment that could ground you.

And Hobi, who would tell you everyday that you were worth your weight in gold to him.

[pruelockhart]

“the entire history of human desire takes about seventy minutes to tell.              unfortunately, we don’t have that kind of time.”  – richard siken

FULL APPLICATION / PINTEREST

HISTORY –

come, dear reader, won’t you settle in? let me spin you a tale—a tangled web of one, indeed—about a girl who smells sweet as white roses and is as satiny to touch as her gossamer-thin garments. this girl is just a girl; she has never been the girl. even so, this story is her story, and though she is not equipped to be the heroine of a story, or so she believes, she is the heart of this one. like a heart, she is swollen with the fullness of blood: thus, let me etch this tale into parchment with the blood of love, in crimson-ink of metallic-reek. 

it comes in three parts: a beginning, a middle, an ending; it is for you, dear reader, to decide which is which. 

let us anoint this tale the title of METAMORPHOSIS –

✧✧✧

i. THE EGG ;

before there is the girl, there is a man and a woman who live in faerûn by the sahrnian sea, bound together by a contract that is decidedly not the forest-fire love faerie-tales herald. yet that is not to say that love never comes, just because love comes after. when it does, it is a calm love, a steady one; a love that has never cost one to lose one’s mind, and has been grown, meticulously, over the passage of time and the trials and tribulations have littered the path of a match made by those who are older and have witnessed so much more life than them. it is not for years that the woman feels nature stirring within her body’s vessel, and when it does, it is with the undying bestowing upon her a gift that makes up lost time. 

when the girl comes, she comes from a belly more full than most. it makes sense that it is so, for there were meant to be two of them: a boy, and a girl. one might suppose that, in the end, there still were, yet only one in the way it mattered. 

( you decide, dear reader: which is which? ) 

she is born — and it is days, and days, before her time. no matter, a name still awaits her. prudence, they call her. pierce, he would have been.

from the beginning, she emerges from the ruddy cave of her mother’s womb incomplete. a greyish pallor remains where life ought to be warming her skin; it is as if he leeched enough life from her for him to choke on, and she siphoned her brother’s death through the connection only womb-mates share – and this is what she will hear in later years, when she asks about him. 

she will wish she hadn’t.

✧✧✧

ii. THE CATERPILLAR ;

( when you feel unforgiving, dear reader, remember: it is a caterpillar’s job to eat; without an abundance of consumption, it cannot survive. it is this abundance of consumption that allows for the production of silk. it is this same abundance of consumption that is its undoing. )

years do not care if one is ready to bear them; they come, when they must, as they must. and so comes to pass the childhood that tries to swallow prudence lockhart whole, over and over and over –

as an infant, blood is filtered out of her body and fresh blood poured into her veins. it helps, some. it does not help enough, yet there is nothing more to be done; her parents must take her home, and pray to the undying god for the rest. they pray, and pray, and pray, as two people of noble blood and lucrative business-dealings rarely stoop to, for lack of need to need it.

as a child, prue is still a frail slip of a thing, with bones jutting out against taut bronze flesh in protest. fill yourself up, her mother pleads. you must survive, beloved. she offers her savory meals and sweet decadence twice, and anything she takes a suggestion of a liking to just as many times more — and it works; it takes time, but work it does, and prue’s cheeks round some and at times flush rosily, some weakness giving way to the minute miracles that are her tardy signs of life. it is not much, but it is enough, isn’t it? it is to the mother who has warred for her existence. who still combats for prue’s survival. 

when does the girl begin to feel that it might be her that her mother is fighting, when every frustration about her lessness, her inherent lessness, begins to steal the breath from prue’s lungs – for is it not her who is all poetry & rot, wisp-thin & about as flimsy? her heart fills with hot, vital blood then: it beats loud and clear as a belltower’s toll, cutting through all else with the potency of its truth. this is as much as i am, she beseeches in turn, as her mother had once done, except not, for graceless tears roll down her cheeks in impassioned rivulets and the voice that thickens with feeling.

how will you survive the world, beloved? her mother implores.

i might not, prue knows. i might not, she accepts.

it is the caterpillar’s destiny to unbecome –

✧✧✧

iii. THE CHRYSALIS ;

– unbecoming takes time.

it takes long enough that both mother and daughter grow used to it, initially, and then around it, ultimately. 

there is, after-all, the distraction of warfare engrained in the backbone of their precious faerûn. there is the journey to tyrholm, the settling into the dregs of hightown – not quite lowtown-bound, and not-quite-not. it fazes her parents to not be profound upper-echelons of society; her father, a man used to running the business inherited by the men in the lockhart family, and her mother, who had spent all of her time worrying for prudence and never had to about wealth. but prue, for her part, is accustomed to the notion of not-quite-right / not-quite-enough; the feeling might not be home, per se, and yet she recognises the walls of the house all the same – could walk its rooms in the dark, if she had to.

it is circumstance that calls the lockharts to castle tyrholm. 

it tears at her parents: her father believes in not squandering opportunity, and her mother would rather squander anything but prudence. even THE EMPRESS sees it, does she not, when she cants prudence’s head and observes her fragility? the king’s reputation precedes itself; would a heart as true and innocent as hers survive a court like his? within minutes, it is too late to ponder it any longer. within minutes, it is no longer a choice, but a deal already struck. just like a match: it cannot be unstruck. one can endeavour to douse a fire, but it is not the same as un-starting it.

for a time, the castle is one more place prue does not feel she belongs; it is alright, she tells herself. you are alright, she says – because her mother is no longer by her side telling her anymore, is she? silken thread ensnares the girl when THE WORLD knocks on her door one evening; it is lily-white, the radiance of their smile. prue does not understand why, then; she is nothing exceptional, she flounders for the right thing to do, and even then, she gets it wrong so much more often than she ever gets it right. perhaps, she will never understand why – why they are so kind, why they make her feel seen, why… 

and still, this once, there is no question of whether it is enough. they are more than enough.

for the first time in her life, prue discovers what it is to be warm.

✧✧✧

tell me, dear reader – is this a butterfly’s or moth’s metamorphosis?

—

HEADCANONS –

this little miss is twenty-three years old. she’s aurelia valmont’s lady-in-waiting / love-ah.

she came to court at thirteen years old, almost fourteen. she’s been living at the castle since, she grew up there.

y’all know her as prudence, but if you’re friends, she’s told you she doesn’t like being called that and feels more herself being called prue. that said? she looks so uncomfortable if you call her prudence, you can probably glean for yourself how she feels about it.

super soft, super shy, but always super put together and her make-up is forever Poppin’~ think effie trinket meets madame lebedeva; there’s some examples of cool shit she can pull off with makeup. if your kid wants a makeover, hit prue up, she’s got you!

baby girl is 5′3″, super petite & waif-like, but somehow always down at the kitchens eating something sweet

sometimes she takes her dessert to the library?? she reads the fantasy equivalent of children’s lit more than anything, but you can read with her if you want

she’s almost always by aurelia’s side and is never away for long, she basically gets separation anxiety at this point

very clever girl, but you’d never know it because she’s so quiet she melts into the background but if you wanna notice her please do and always feel free to reference the Lurker lockhart in your threads as a human easter egg

if there’s anything else anyone wants to know & play with, hit me up on discord at nayab ✨#4163 i’m so ready to get plotting with y’all and finding prue’s voice and unravelling her story!!!

[dearericbittle]

Sterek masterpost

So, now that I’ve written 30 (!) Sterek fics, I figured it was about time that I made a masterpost of my stories. You can find the full list on my Tumblr as well!

Been here before and it just feels right (strangers tonight) - (T, 3.4k) Summary: Derek Hale was an awkward teenager, but he grew into himself. He grew out of that pulling pigtails phase. Shame that being reunited with his old crush brings it all back. Even worse: Stiles doesn’t even seem to recognize him. Or does he?

Better that I break the window (than miss what I should see) - (M, 9k) Summary: Someone opened Stiles’ window. But he’s all the way on the 7th floor - how the fuck did that happen? Spoiler alert: werewolves are real. And really hot.

Bring on the monsters (bring on the real world) - (E, 11.1k) Summary: He was supposed to be making an impression on Lydia, but instead he’s making fun of a terrible werewolf costume. To be fair, those mutton chops remind him of Michael J. Fox in the worst way, and the guy didn’t appear to be too offended. He was too busy smelling Stiles for some reason. He really shouldn’t have forgotten cologne.

but that’s just a first impression (I could be totally wrong) - (T, 2.9k) Summary: Derek is on a really awful blind date (Laura will pay for this). But the waiter is really cute.

The coolest wolf in the whole wide world - (T, 8.3k) Summary: Stiles is surprisingly good at being a wolf. Like, super good at control, loves the drama of making weird entrances, and determined to try all the things. Because he has to find out what’s different about being a wolf. And Derek is going to be his Yoda, whether he wants to or not. Only Stiles is pretty sure Yoda never smelled this good.

Detective Stiles Stilinski and the Case of Derek Hale’s Mysterious Mate - (T, 5.6k) Summary: Mates are a thing. A werewolf thing. Which is fine and shit, but finding out that Derek fucking Hale has a mate? That gets to him. And seeing as Derek won’t tell him who it is, well… Guess that means this is a job for Detective Stiles Stilinski - if he’s not too distracted by his traditional banter with Derek.

Everything mixed up (and baked in a beautiful pie) - (T, 6/6, 42k) Summary: Stiles’ friends are more of a pain in the ass than usual around the holiday season. Just because he spends all of his time at his bakery, doesn’t mean he’s unhappy. So hiring a fake boyfriend seems like the perfect, simple solution. Instead Stiles stumbles onto a stupid quest to make Derek Hale happy. But surely that will all work out in time.

Fit hot guys have problems too (don’t objectify us with your male and female gaze) - (T, 1.7k) Summary: To Cora, 1:24 AM: im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect?? Derek is tired of being objectified. Enter Stiles Stilinski, hot mess who has an opinion about everything. Derek is surprisingly intrigued.

Gymnophoria - (T, 0.9k) Summary: Stiles is paranoid - he keeps feeling someone’s eyes on him. Surprisingly, no nefarious plans happen.

He got lost in my DMs (wanna be way more than friends) - (T, 2.8k) Summary: Derek is somewhat of an online hero, providing candid pictures of himself to anyone who wants persistent suitors to just go away already. Stiles… is suddenly surrounded by assholes who apparently really want to hear about how great his fake boyfriend is. Part 1 of Slide into those DMs

Heard you were tough (but you don’t look it) - (T, 3.6k) Summary: Derek is a protective Alpha, and whenever he sees a human in danger, he has to step in. Usually people are grateful. This guy? Not so much. 3 times Derek saves that ungrateful magic user’s life, and 3 times the ungrateful asshole saved his in return

Here we are two strangers (with nothing but this little spark) - (T, 6k) Summary: Stiles is only at this masquerade party for revenge. Theo Raeken has taken everything from him, and this is the only way he can get close enough to ruin his fucking life. He gets sidetracked by a mysterious stranger who’s looking for revenge of his own. Maybe they can help each other…

I might never be (your knight in shining armor) - (T, 2.9k) Summary: So, in Stiles’ defence, he didn’t actually know that the woman harassing the dude-sel in distress was an actual witch. Or that the dude in question was an Alpha werewolf who claimed to be able to handle himself. Stiles agrees to disagree on that one.

I take this magnetic force of a man (to be my lover) - (T, 6k) Summary: Derek is pretty happy with the mate he’s somehow chosen, even though Stiles has no idea - and no interest in Derek. But that’s fine. Except Peter just has to open his big mouth, because he clearly wants to ruin Derek’s life. Part 2 of Laura Hale is the best Alpha

I’d be a fearless leader (I’d be an Alpha type) - (T, 7.8k) Summary: Most teenagers would run off if they found a bleeding half-wolf, half-lady with red eyes snarling at them. But Stiles’ fight or flight response has always been a little fucked, and Laura Hale looks like she could use a break. Part 1 of Laura Hale is the best Alpha

I’m gonna light a spark (gonna hold my breath until the morning) - (T, 2.5k) Summary: Derek hates the bus, hates how people use it as an excuse to sit close to him and bat their eyelashes at him. And then this stranger who smells like home just falls asleep on his lap.

Lie under different stars (I’ve not seen you in the flesh for so long) - (T, 3,4k) Summary: In which Laura Hale is a queen of holding on to childhood mementos and seeing things her brother won’t, and Derek Hale rediscovers his love of Mischief.

The man who’s gonna marry you (make you feel alive) - (T, 4.2k) Summary: Only Finstock could marry the wrong people. Only Greenberg could fill out the papers wrong, but Finstock didn’t even check. It was like he wanted Stiles to be married to Derek Hale. And no one would want that, except maybe… Stiles.

No more dark sad lonely (k)nights - (T, 2k) Summary: Derek is an Alpha without an emissary, so his nosy betas made sure he attended the convention. Stiles is clearly in the wrong convention hall, because his Batman cosplay does not appear to be going over well.

Old you in the garbage (new you in display case) - (T, 13.4k) Summary: Stiles is lonely and desperate and suffering from a crush on the grumpiest librarian. So what’s a boy to do but cook up a ridiculous plan to get himself dated and/or finally get laid before the holidays? He just wants his She’s All That moment, okay? He never expected that the plan would actually help him get the guy.

Real life isn’t a movie (life doesn’t make narrative sense) - (M, 11.6k) Summary: Somehow accidentally insulting a hot guy in a coffee shop leads to pretending to be his boyfriend in front of a house full of werewolves. Stiles Stilinski is living his best life and making the most of his Hallmark movie moment.

Shoot your shot when you see em (he’s already in my DMs) - (T, 3.9k) Summary: Derek may or may not be falling in love with one of Laura’s employees, and he’s only ever spoken to him on the phone. Stiles doesn’t even know his name! But apparently, he does know how to slide into his DMs. Part 2 of Slide into those DMs

Some Cupid kills with arrows (some with mistletoe) - (T, 9.5k) Summary: It’s the same thing every time. Derek Hale comes home, the town is in a snit, and Stiles Stilinski polishes his metaphorical armor and gets ready for a battle of wits. Not that he considers Derek’s comments particularly witty. Their friends are just tired of the sexual tension and the rampant egos, and they’re ready to do something about it.

Such great heights (corresponding shapes like puzzle pieces) - (T, 3.3k) Summary: In which everyone in the pack is together and alive, because fuck canon. In which Stiles is surprised that Derek’s super hearing fails him. He just wants to know how tall Derek is, why is that such a big deal?

Teach me how to thrive (i was a loser just like you) - (T, 4.9k) Summary: Scott was cool now - the Squip had made sure of that. Stiles? Not so cool. All he has left are his cryptic conversations with perpetually wasted Derek Hale as he desperately tries to get an evil computer chip from taking over Beacon Hills.

We were young once (innocent and fun once) - (T, 5,3k) Summary: So maybe making Lydia jealous is just an excuse for him to finally talk to Derek Hale - it’s been ten years and clearly that high school crush is not over. There’s just a lot more to Derek than he was expecting.

We’ll put on a show (Scotty has to know) - (T, 7.7k) Summary: Stiles is a stubborn asshole, determined to have fun in Europe even though Scott stays behind in Belgium because of a girl. So asking a stranger to make out with him for the ‘Gram? Totally the best decision he’s ever made, and not just because that’ll totally show Jackson (and Scott!). Shame he won’t see the guy again, though.

What it looks like to forget (it’s easier that way) - (T, 4.9k) Summary: He has no idea who he is, but the stranger with the whiskey eyes is calling him Derek. And the guy has been sitting at his bedside for three days, so he’s got some credit. Especially because the guy smells like he should be his - though that is a supremely weird thought that he probably needs to figure out first.

You want forgiveness (I’ll give that to you) - (T, 2.8k) Summary: Derek is running from the Alpha, suffering from wolfsbane poisoning and he’s clearly losing it. Why else would he be seeing his mother - and everyone else he might as well have killed himself. But Stiles can’t just let him get what he deserves. Stiles never leaves him behind, even when he should.

You’re moving me around you (I said darling hold me) - (T, 14,5k) Summary: Derek is the only beta in a pack of two, blaming himself for the loss of their entire family. When his sister pays someone to get him used to human contact again, Derek preps himself for a couple unwilling handshakes before he kicks the stranger out of his den. Stiles is… not what Derek expected.

[wantsomeapple]

What should I write down ........I need to write something in order to feel okay again ...why am I living such a pathetic life...I am hating my emotions...why cant I live without liking someone and crossing boundaries....I was asked to chose between the one who gave me birth and taught me to read .and the one who gave me comfort when I was willing to leave everything behind and just wanted to run away....my mom and my favourite boys ...bangtan boys...ofc I choose my mom ..I had to..why? because she is the one who gave me birth and didn't abandoned me ..she was the one who taught me to read and write..she bought me clothes..gave me shelter ...gave her lap to sleep on..as I was growing older ofc she didn't had to pay much attention to me ... But I needed some ...I needed alot of attention...am I regretting my decision ....I don't really know... I mean like when i was shifted to new school..I was not really socially active .. don't wanted to trust anyone ... I thought if doing so it would be a betrayal to my friends with whom I grew up ...and got bullied everyday .. because of my height...my facial features....I was so sick and tired of dealing with this shit....I started searching up for surgeries and all.. didn't bothered to tell anyone...A 11 YEAR OLD A 11 YEAR OLD ..HOW CAN SHE HAVE DEPRESSION AND ABOUT WHAT..SHE DON'T HAVE SUCH RESPONSIBILITIES TO HANDLE WITH..SHE IS JUST PLAYING AROUND..whyyyyy just whyyy can't I emotionally suffer...I started watching videos and vlogs ...vlogs ..I still remember watching those on my mom's phone...she never had a fancy one .. AFTER ALL I WAS ONLY 11 YEAR OLD.. while watching vlogs I developed interest in learning different languages..the most of them were in Korean ..that's when I wanted to learn it ..but never did ..AND ME BEING A USUAL 11 YEAR OLD GIRL STARTED TO GAIN INTEREST IN KOREAN CULTURE AND LANGUAGE... STARTED TO GAIN INTEREST IN ITS HISTORY..WHY THEY SEPARATED ..WHY THERE IS LIMITED CONTENT ABOUT NORTH KOREA ....and soon I forgot about the vlogs I used to watch and just started watching random videos ..most of them were of north Korea..drew binskeys's ..I remember watching his video on repeat...I remember when I first watched something about BTS I ain't going in detail and all but the thing my brain didn't wanted to remember just popped into my mind...that girl that girl who used to get bullied..and how that girl got to gain interest in Korean culture...the good thing was I for the first time didn't felt sad about it ... but was happy cause if listening to that song "ALL MY LADIES PUT YOUR HANDS UP " it's almost about 4 years ...I hid this stanning thing from my family for 4 years... I didn't wanted them to know about how and when it all started..I didn't wanted them to worry about me ...but recently they knew all about it...I never asked them to buy any merch or anything even if I wanted that so bad ..the one with HOPE WORLD ..I don't earn myself so I shouldn't be asking for it...

[dawnowar]

So this school lunches thing got me thinking about the way my abusive stepmother treated me as a child.

Thats as much of a trigger warning as you’re getting cause I think its better to process things than avoid them...  I have time to write and this is on my mind this second. Writing is a huge part of how I process things... so here we go.

So i passed on a post cause our local school system is offering free lunches for any kids under 18, which is great. I’m a big proponent for school lunches because growing up my evil stepmother didnt feed me right. and I was a rich kid so i think there was a lot of expectation that i was being taken care of in a way that I was not.

My stepmothers whole thing.. my family’s whole thing.. was pretending we were a normal family. Presenting that way to the outside world. Even in our house there was a huge degree of this. Which made it worse for me because it was so easy for people to assume i was just a weird kid when the signs presented themselves to people who could have helped me.

Anyway since i grew up and especially after she died, so many people told me that of course they noticed things weren’t right and of course they said something and fought for me. I never knew that until recently. So as nice as it is to hear, it didn’t help me live through those 8 or so years she was in charge of me.

At home she fed me candy.  and ice cream. cupcakes, etc. and that’s all. Breakfast was one cup of hot cocoa with two packets of mix in there that was always like a clumpy syrup at the bottom of the cup. After school was candy until my dad got home and we would all sit at the table and pretend to eat a meal together. She would give me the tiniest portion of meat or any real food and then tell my dad how I “eat like a bird”. which is nonsense. He never questioned it any further than that. 

On weekends when I had to eat at home I was allowed noodles and butter, mac and cheese and not a lot else. just pasta. When I got older, I would actually sneak eggs and tuna when she wasnt home. I’m sure she noticed these things going missing but what was she gonna do after I ate it? 

She had a lot of rules on me for every single thing. That didn’t make any sense. Where i was allowed to go, where i was allowed to sit, who i was allowed to talk to.. and i just mean in the house on a regular day... I wasnt allowed to use the upstairs bathrooms at all, i had to use the guest bathroom downstairs and I wasn’t allowed to bathe or shower, but when I got older i started sneaking showers when she was gone as well. 

I’d hear the garage door close as she was leaving and I’d be showering and eating tuna and trying my best to cover up my tracks before she got back. 

All this started gradually... wasnt at once or anything so when it started i was like 8 give or take.. and we moved a couple of times so more rules were put in place as i was moved further away from the neighbors who looked after me. When i was 10 we moved to a different city where I knew no one and i was on my own. Inside my own home. I just had to deal with it till i grew up. But it got much worse before it got better. By the time i was around 14, i was dealing with growing up stuff.. by the time I was 16 she really couldn’t control me anymore, so stuff like what i ate or where I sat or if I showered... i just one day figured out that if i just do things she usually cant or wont stop me. 

She used to steal my things and i didn’t have a hairbrush for years. I wasnt allowed to bathe, or do my laundry and I didn’t have a hairbrush, so you can imagine I looked like Pig Pen from Charlie Brown. She told my teachers I liked being like that or something. One of my gym teachers humiliated me once by forcing me to stay after class and shower as if i was just gross and she was solving the problem. She just humiliated me on top of all i was suffering, so i didn’t look to teachers to help me. 

My evil stepmother was physically abusive to me as well but that was the easy part. She would just go into rages and take it out on me if i didn’t obey her nonsensical rules which were impossible to follow anyway. She would come and attack me while I was asleep any morning my father left for work early. Most mornings. A normal morning for me..... She would wake me up by dragging me out of bed by my hair, onto the floor, out of my room, into the hall, around the corner and down the stairs and leave me at the bottom of the stairs to start my morning routine getting dressed and ready for school. 

Then I watched cartoons in the TV room by myself and drank the chocolate sludge till it was time to get on the bus to go to school where all the kids hated me because i was gross and I spent all day getting teased and taunted till I came home and went back to the TV room where she would either bring me candy or come in an attack me and pull my hair out. I wouldn’t know which one she was coming in the room for until she was doing it. There was a lock on the door and I would lock her out when she was being violent but she had the lock removed. Lied to the locksmith and my dad and made them believe there was a reason to take the lock out, so I started locking myself in the bathroom.

By the time I was 16, I was a much more imposing figure she couldn’t control completely anymore. I was washing myself and i was dressing myself so i didn’t look so dorky and maybe people started liking me at school. I got super lucky that a girl actually became my friend at school. She was not only super-independent but she had a car so she could pick me up and drive me away and she had a job working at a laundromat so i was able to wash my clothes for free and spend time away from home and learn how to grow up into a person who could do something besides just stay alive. 

But clear up to the very end of high school school lunches were my main source of nutrition. My evil stepmother was letting me eat pizza by then too. For her, being fat was the worst possible thing I guess so she just tried her best to fatten me up feeding me only carbs while both her daughters grew up to become anorexic. 

The first day I was actually on my own ever.. I was in England and I had just slept off the jet lag in my new rented room that was just for me. I wasnt on any program or plan. I wasn’t at college, nobody was in charge of me...  i was just there. just me and this rented room and I woke up in the morning with nothing and realized i needed to feed myself. I went to McDonald’s and got a vanilla milkshake and realized i have no idea how to feed myself like a normal person. 

I had to start that day and figure every single thing out for myself via trial and error about how to be a person in the real world.

That woman only had control of me for 8 years of my life and then I went out into the world and became a real person after that. She didn’t break me or destroy me. She did, however, destroy my family.

Its my dad’s fault for letting her. I’ve always felt this way. He was the adult. He was the only one who could have stopped it but instead he spent his time pretending everything was OK. I didn’t know until recently that literally EVERYONE told him, so he was willfully ignorant. He sacrificed his own children for this facade of a relationship with this woman. I can’t explain why a person does that, but he left me and my brother to fend for ourselves.

Which we did and we are ok. 

I don’t care what happened to her or her daughters. She basically stole the life I should have had and gave it to her children, but from what little i know about them from the outside is that they had their own problems which seem much harder to get past than what I had to deal with. 

I don’t mourn the loss of that life i never had any more than I mourn the life that we pretended we were having that we never were. 

I only wish I’d known back then the enormous power I really had if i’d only just kept on telling everyone who would listen truth. If i had told everyone everything at every turn i would have saved myself. I didn’t know that at the time. I was just a kid and I gave up because i didn’t believe anyone was listening once my most trusted adult didn’t believe me. I suffered until I grew up and didn’t have to suffer anymore. 

I am an emotionally healthy adult for the most part. I’m not without scars. It’d be impossible to come out of that unscathed. I’m perpetually single because being alone is safe and comforting for me. Because when people come in, you don’t know if they’re going to attack you or give you candy but neither one of them is what you really need. 

I flailed around for a lot of years as an adult trying to figure out how to take care of myself. I finally got it right after my boyfriend in the late 90s dumped me and I wasn’t dealing well when my best friend died and everything just burned down around me and i had to rebuild everything from scratch slowly and methodically starting with cleaning my kitchen and i found the flylady.org who put me on the path to getting my house cleaning under control and then the rest of it followed. 

Now i actually clean other peoples houses for a living.

We always had housekeepers and those ladies were the best women to me ever in my life and I’m proud to see that I’ve followed in their footsteps. These are the women who cared for me. These are the women who were kind to me. These are the women who worked hard for what they had instead of marrying rich and stealing from their cash-cow’s children. 

I didnt get the evil stepmother until I was around 7 or 8 years old but i had plenty of great parenting, people who loved me, people who took great care of me and taught me to be smart before I got there. I believe this is how I survived. 

School lunches, other people’s good parents, and good role models on my TV. And Rock and Roll, which became a real source of empowerment, an outlet for stress, and a way for me to meet people who became friends as I got older. 

I love all the true crime stories of how abused children grow up and somewhere around puberty they rebel and their abuser can’t control them anymore. I think this is how so many of us get away. We become adults. Probably best you don’t kill your abuser, but there’s some part of that tragedy i can’t help but like when you find out people like Gypsy Rose Blanchard was suffering for so long so she did something about it. 

I never did shit. 

I grew up and got away and that’s good enough. This woman didn’t give a fuck about me and until i got away from her and my dad pretending everything was fine and her daughters going along with it all, I was never going to have my own real life... which i deserved to have. 

Glad i wasnt so trapped i felt like i had to kill her to get away. She was more than happy to let me go away so I was already gone years before i realized i didnt have to let her control any part of my life at all. 

Seems so dumb i still played along for so many years after I was grown and moved away. It’s just the way things were for so long i just kept doing it. 

Until one day my younger sister was getting married and she called me to ask me to be in the wedding and im like...... you dont even like me, why would you want me in your wedding? and she said she orig only wanted her sister but they needed more bridesmaids or something.. maybe that was other sisters wedding.. i cant remember but it was stupid and had nothing to do with me and i was not gonna put my life on hold and spend all this money to travel states away to pretend any of this mattered to me so that was it. 

It was over. Finally.  Totally over.  All I had to do was just not live like that anymore. 

and I did. I live however I want to now. 

So fast forward to present time and im in my early 50s and i get a call says the evil stepmother is dead and my dad is still alive but only barely. My first inclination is to scoop him up and go thank goodness thats over, but unfortunately i doubt he saw it that way. and instead it ended with me trying to contact him directly and not through my step-sister but it was impossible and disappointing since she was still trying to act like the middleman i didn’t ask for but not providing any useful information or assistance in communicating with him.  She wanted me to call him even though he can’t hear so a phone call was just going to be more of the pretending everything is fine I refuse to take part in anymore.

I wrote him a letter directly asking him to take his time and write me back but all i got back was more interference from her and more insistence that i call him. Which I never did..... because he can’t hear. so what’s the point. He died shortly after that and i knew almost nothing about what was happening or not happening at any point.  

So he’s gone now too. Buried with the wife and one of the sisters who committed suicide a few years back. Growing up in a family like this isn’t good for anyone even if you aren’t the target for the abuse. All three of them are gone and im not sorry im glad for it. 

Their dead bodies can lie in the ground pretending they were a good family and no one walking by them ever has to know the truth. That’s how they lived their lives and that’s how they’ll rest forever. 

I expect to have a lot of life left to live and i’m going to do it on my own terms and be kind to people and not value money or other people’s perceptions of me over everything.