#the other ones say pro wrestling!! why? because!! and these wrestlers beating each other up. on the sole it has a guy

[puppyeared]

28 for the ask game !!!!! ^_^

28: do you collect anything?

send me a number!! 💌

[renee-ckstrong]

My Favourite Wrestling Match of all Time

In 2006, a Canadian wrestler became Captivated by a Japanese man for whom standard limitations on human athleticism don't apply. Twelve years later, they had the greatest professional wrestling match of all time.

I'll keep the background explanation brief because there is already a better explanation than I could ever do. Read here if you do not know the story of the Golden Lovers: https://medium.com/we-need-to-talk-about-wrestling/that-one-tweet-thread-about-the-golden-lovers-annotated-e9fc604e3a7f

Now Kenny Omega and Kota Ibushi have wrestled each other three times in their lives. And their second match from 2012 is arguably better than their the 2018 match that I am supposed to be looking at. So why would I say that the best match is worse than another one from six years prior. Well the twenty twelve match back in DDT is generational, and the greatest spectacle of athleticism in wrestling ever. The 2018 is far more emotional. With six more years of context they put on a match that made me feel more than any other match.

An important thread in the plotline of their story is this, Kenny Omega has never beaten Kota Ibushi. And because of that there is an unconfirmed insinuation that Kenny Omega can't beat Kota Ibushi. And it was because of this that Kenny grew resentful of how much better Kota was than him, and he turned to the dark side.

Kenny Omega is a fighter who compromised his morals to become the best in the world.

Kota Ibushi is a fighter who ran away from a fight and lost his chance to become the best in the world.

Kenny would join the Bullet Club, which at the time was like a villainous biker gang. He not only joined Bullet Club but he also distracted Kota costing him the top men's singles championship in all of Japan. After this Kota left New Japan Pro Wrestling unable to face the person his boyfriend Kenny was becoming. Kota did have some success in his absence, including but not limited to getting to the final of WWE's Cruiserweight Classic (but it has come out since that the plan was for him to win but the plan was changes when he expressed that he didn't want to sign with WWE). But he wasn't achieving success to the level he perhaps could. Kenny on the other had become THE GUY. The first non-Japanese person to win the annual G1 Climax tournament, won the IWGP Heavyweight Championship and had a match against Kazuchika Okada that broke the scales of how good wrestling matches could be.

So that is the state of play going into this match. Kota Ibushi had returned to NJPW after Kenny had taken over the Bullet Club and become the top star in the company. It is during the 28th G1 Climax tournament and these two have been matched up to fight each other. Kenny Omega is the best wrestler in the world right now, so can he beat Kota Ibushi now.

Another important detail is that the two men (in storyline at least, I can't speak for them in real life) are in love. Like genuinely actual queer storytelling, and it's not shit if you can believe it. So they obviously want to win but they don't want to hurt each other. They are worried that they will go to far.

And that's I think the beauty of it. The question of whether Kenny has surpassed Kota or whether he's still unable to beat his boyfriend even after all he's done. And the question of how far they'll go without wanting to do permanent damage to the other. Like their 2012 match is technically more impressive simply because men in their 20s can do feats of athleticism that men in their 30s can't. But that helps build the plot of the G1 match. In their 2012 match they do a disgusting spot where Kenny takes a hurricanrana of the top rope to the floor. In the 2018 match they tease doing it again but both men know that it isn't the kind of thing that either of their bodies can take these days.

It's brilliant. It's really beautiful. And I want to talk about the result of the match but I shan't because I want anyone reading this who hasn't seen it to go watch it. You can probably find it in full somewhere if you search 'omega vs ibushi g1'

So yeah that's my favourite wrestling match. It's pretty cool.

[allgoldenelite]

i realized this talking about it with somebody the other day, but wrestling interviews tend to be extremely frustrating for me.

every time i read an interview by a promotion or a major content mill wrestling site it just makes me realize we still haven't shaken the MMA curse. we're still in the times where a major article on a character worker has to be like "mmmmmaybe wrestling....is art??????!!! BUT ONLY MAYBE" because they don't wanna offend the oldheads who think this "shit goes so hard" and that it has nothing else to say. like those dreadful articles about sukeban by artnet and vogue just proved that yet again. wrestling has such a high glass ceiling and it's still seen as a dumb sports where ppl hit each other until one of them can't get up anymore, despite the literal near fatal efforts by all kinds of wrestlers all around the globe to make the mainstream see that it is a legit art medium with stories that go deeper than "i don't like you" or "you beat me in the last tournament" (it's received heavy praise from fans due to the supposed """right direction""" it will shift the company in, but if i personally ever see the phrase SpOrTs BaSeD pReSENtatIOn again i might throw up). don't even get me started on how little attention joshi stories receive.

interviews are just one victim of the curse. the questions are boring. they just are. western interviews are almost all shoot-ish interviews and in 99.99% of cases there will be 2 maybe 3 lore based questions that ACTUALLY ask about the character and the stories they are in (shoot interviews are cool dgmw. it's cool getting fluff and tidbits about your fav! but if it's all there is it's literally so unsatisfying). japanese interviews are shackled by the kinda sorta taboo of discussing shoot topics (unless you are kaminoge, god bless em), which can actually be rewarding and fun if you fully dive into kayfabe and corner the characters but even weekly pro with their stiff adherence don't seem to understand what that means. like there are so many things that a character worker will do or that will happen in a story, and nobody asks about them. nobody even thinks about bringing them up despite them being immensely lore relevant. there is only so many times i can read "what are your plans for the future?" before i keel over.

which is why i'm so happy every time i see an interview that actually does care about the characters and the art of it. an interview or q&a that has respect for the performers beyond their accolades. it takes time and effort to do that and swim against the stream, so those types of efforts will always at the very least have my interest and support.

[duhragonball]

Do you think DBZ fights would be better if Goku and his pals really showed how strong they were? Like, all of them can destroy one planet, at least. It'd be fun to see guys like Yamcha and Chiaotzu crumbling mountains, or shaking continents and all that other crazy stuff.

Honestly? Probably not.

I get what you're saying, and it's pretty cool when the scenery gets wrecked during a big fight. But if it happened all the time, every time, it would get boring. And since nearly every major character is more than strong enough to destroy the whole planet, then any two of them fighting could potentially wreck the whole world if they were sloppy enough. What do they do then?

I look at it like this: In a fight between two "planet-busters", the most impressive thing either one of them can damage is their opponent. Take Vegeta vs. 18 for example. She dared him to fight seriously, and he boasted that if he truly fought with his full power, it might destroy the whole Earth. That's how powerful Vegeta was as Super Saiyan. Frieza tried to blow up Namek on purpose and it didn't quite go off like he wanted. But Vegeta was so powerful that he could destroy the Earth without really meaning to. And then this happened:

Why? Well, put simply, 18 could apply an even greater power than Vegeta without destroying the Earth in the process. Unlike him, she could direct that power exactly where she wanted it to go, which was his left arm.

I mean, it's cool and all that Piccolo destroyed the Tenkaichi Budokai arena during his fight with Goku, but what did that accomplish? He destroyed a lot of stuff, but he didn't hurt Goku at all, so it was just a waste of energy.

I often think about the time Cell achieved his perfect form, and how it caused this tremendous upheaval on the whole Earth. When Cell represented the top of the food chain, it made sense, but Majin Buu could wipe out Cell in two seconds and they both know it. Yet we didn't see the same kind of world-shaking power whenever Majin Buu did anything. You'd think every time Buu scratched his head it would cause earthquakes or something, but no. Why is that?

My pet theory is that the big dramatic powerups with thunder and quakes and tidal waves are always because the person powering up doesn't have complete control over their maximum power. So when Vegeta went to max power to fight Goku in the Saiyans Saga, it caused a lot of rumbling, but Goku fighting 19 did not, even though Goku was operating on a far greater level. The power level probably has some role in it, but it's more about the power the user isn't controlling, and where that extra power is going.

And there are times when a character is so overwhelming that he can cause a lot of destruction and still dominate his opponents. Movie villains tend to fall into this category. But even so, it betrays a lack of skill, at least when they're fighting at that level. And usually the guy that beats them is able to reach that same level without the same kind of fanfare.

I guess to put it in a more real-world way, when I watch pro wrestling, I want to see the wrestler's fight each other, not break the ring. A lot of hardcore/no DQ/deathmatch style wrestling matches will spend more time setting up spots with foreign objects. Guys will be fighting and then one of them will roll out of the ring and set up a table, then stack two chairs on it, then light a kendo stick on fire or whatever. And sure, there's a place for that, but they tend to waste a lot of time on this nonsense when they could just... you know... hit their opponent.

But I will grant that a mountain breaking apart during a fight is a cool spectacle. I just don't see it as an end unto itself.

[heehoothefool]

wrestling 👀

Anon I could kiss you

So I am hella interested in Wrestling as a mode for story telling.

I think anyone that sees my writing posts under the #spilled slime tag might be aware that I am sucker for unconventional storytelling- hell it's why I love DnD.

Pro Wrestling takes this to the next level. Sure, other competitive shows have their own stories to tell and may very well be scripted in this way, but every competition I see lacks something that Wrestling has so much of: Character Interaction and actual Writing.

In every other competitive show where they actually let the contestants talk to each other, it's always nothing but drama and life stories. Part of this is due to how the shows are structured with an elimination style setup. They don’t keep contestants around, unlike in wrestling where your story continues so long as your contract continues.

This means characters in wrestling have time to develop and change and go through arcs because they don't have the time constraint of However Long Before They're Eliminated.

WWE, which is the example I'm going to use because it's what I'm most familiar with, doesn't really function on seasons or anything, it just functions on What Big Event Comes next, so you prepare storylines in between these big events that reach their next big point at said events. Each main event is the end of one arc and the start of the next for these major storylines.

And the storytelling even goes beyond just character interaction and into the fights themselves! Sure, you get a lot of story out of promos and backstage shots, but ultimately it is all about the fights and those tell stories to! The moves that are executed, how they're executed, and even who they're performed on and how they're sold are capable of telling a story!

Quick point to explain a word I used above, many of us know that pro wrestling is choreographed. This is not a secret. This does not mean, however, that it is fake. The hits and injuries these people take on are incredibly real, but a lot of it is done in a way that will minimize the damage. Selling, therefore, is the art of making a move look as painful as it would be if they weren't trained professionals.

It's like in theater when the script says to smack someone and you hit them with your fingers more than your palm to create the sound but minimize the impact, and the person you smacked turns their head and holds their face to keep up the appearance that you did in fact smack them to pieces. That's selling.

My favorite example of the fight as story telling actually happened relatively recently at the last Survivor Series in a match type called War Games featuring The Bloodline (Roman Reigns, Jey and Jimmy Uso, and Sami Zayn) vs Kevin Owens's team. KO is the big important member of this because he and Sami have a very long history as close friends, and Sami is trying to prove his loyalty to The Bloodline.

Sami stops KO from winning by covering Roman and then hits with a Low Blow and follows it up with his finisher, the Haluba Kick (a running kick to the face). This is such good storytelling because finishers are the final nail in the coffin. The exclamation point that brings the sentence to a close. That is the end of their friendship. That is the final point of Sami saying he is with The Bloodline.

No other competition does it like this! This is the true peak of where sports meets theater and it deserves so much more respect than people often give it! Professional Wrestling isn't about proving who the best wrestler is! It's about taking these incredibly talented athletes and storytellers and letting them tell their stories by beating the shit out of each other between verbal bouts!

This is theater. This is what happens when you take a bunch of stunt doubles and tell them to write their stories, and I don’t think that gets appreciated enough.

Thank you, anon. I am so incredibly not normal about this.

(Also don't mind the gif I just really like Randy Orton, he is the epitome of action movie protagonist)

[welcometowcwmondaynitro]

WCW Monday Nitro 09/09/1996

Shit be exploding, so you know what time it is.

Yes sir.

Once again we are not given a location this week, which generally means the town is too small-time for the big shots at WCW to even consider giving a shout out to. My research tells me this broadcast comes from the Columbus Civic Centre in Columbus, Georgia.  

As always we are introduced to our first hour announce team, Schiavone and Zbyszko.

Tony is looking quite smart this evening. Larry as expected has a horrific multcoloured abomination on underneath his jacket. It’s basically his gimmick a this point so whatever. 

They talk about how the balance of power has shifted to the nWo and Larry says Giant is “the biggest traitor since Benedict Arnold”, nice ancient reference there, Larry. We get a recap of last week’s awesome show-ending brawl. 

Once they’re done wrapping this up, Goldberg’s music plays. What? I check my file - yes, definitely 9th September 1996. Has Goldberg time travelled back to 1996 and changed history by debuting early?

Well, either that is one hell of a disguise or no, actually Goldberg’s theme music was first used by this Japanese guy called Pat Tanaka. It’s really weird seeing this random fella walk out to Goldberg’s music. The crowd boo mildly - I guess just because he’s Japanese? I don’t remember there being any storyline reason to boo him, anyway. 

Pat’s opponent is... this.

Looks like a mascot from a early/mid-90s video game brought to life. If this is Super Calo then I am curious as to what regular Calo is like. I am unsure as to what makes this version ‘Super’, but maybe we’ll find out in the upcoming match. Mike Tenay joins the announce crew because it is Calo’s debut and Tenay is the only one likely to know anything about him.

Pat Tanaka vs Super Calo

I was kind of hoping Tanaka would start the match with a spear and then jackhammer Calo into oblivion, but no such luck. 

As one would anticipate from a man dressed like a stereotypical kung-fu master in an 80s movie, Tanaka starts the match off with some kicks.

Calo jumps around pointlessly and then gets kicked in the face. Bants.

Tenay tells us Calo’s name and look comes from the “top rap group” in Mexico. He does not name this group. Confusingly wikipedia claims Calo is named after a Mexican rock group with the same name, but his image is meant to convey a rapper. So, just... what? Also what rapper has ever looked like Super Calo? In Mexico is that how rappers dress? 

Well anyway this odd fellow somersaults over the ropes onto Tanaka outside of the ring. 

The screen then cuts to this.

 Then we’re back to the match. OK then. 

Tanaka hits Calo with a powerbomb, which leads to Tony talking about him being “so schooled in the martial arts”. Yes, because we all know that classic martial arts move the powerbomb. Often followed by a leg drop and a scorpion deathlock. 

The ending to this match is beyond ridiculous. 

First, Tanaka puts Calo onto the top turnbuckle.

Neither man seems to know what is meant to happen next, so they awkwardly wrap their arms around each other.

Tanaka then lifts Calo up like he’s going for an inverse piledriver and falls backwards.

Apparently he knocks himself out, gets pinned, and loses.

What an idiot.

Super Calo defeats Pat Tanaka via Pinfall.

Nothing too super about our friend Calo in this one I’m afraid. His victory came largely because Tanaka is a super dunce.

We got some lads in the front row who are big fans of the classic moustache.

They seem quite pleased that Calo emerged victorious.

Just under seven minutes in and we throw back to Mean Gene in the locker room with Rick Steiner. This should be good.

Shirts hanging out of the lockers behind them, as you do. 

Gene asks Rick Steiner about Nick Patrick’s questionable officiating - referring to the incident last week where Luger was disqualified in seconds for basically nothing. Rick says that he had Luger, and Gene saw it. Total bullshit as the match had barely started, and Gene does point that out. 

Luger walks into the frame as we see last week’s replay. Rick is continually going on about how he was going to win, sounding like a mentally challenged three year old. On the other hand this is a guy who also genuinely thinks he’s a dog, so... I should probably be impressed that he is able to form words and put them into a somewhat coherent structure.

Gene says that Steiner is “a little confused” in the understatement of the century, 

Luger tells Rick that he’s “a great tag team wrestler” but he feels like he has the edge in a singles environment. Rick continues to fail to understand basic english and keeps repeating “I can beat you, ask Sting” and then starts calling for Sting.

Gene then ushers Rick away like an unruly child as Luger walks off as well. Gene says that Luger was alluding that Rick “doesn’t have it upstairs”, pointing to his head. Wow, what a dick. Luger didn’t say anything like that. All he implied was that he was a better singles wrestler than Rick. Not sure where Gene has gotten his interpretation from, but my guess is he just wants to stir the pot as usual.

Next it’s nWo announcement time.

Just the usual t-shirt ad with Nash saying “all proceeds go towards the Ric Flair retirement fund”. Joke’s on him, that fund must have accrued some serious cash before it was finally paid out.

We’re back and...

Somebody buy these poor kids some real nWo t-shirts. 

Where did these people come from? Did they decide to stop by Nitro after a corporate dinner or something? 

Are these pilots in the audience as well? Wtf? Why are all these people coming to the show dressed in their work clothes? Is this a common thing in the States?

Oh, hey, guess what - Glacier debuted. I would say “remember all that hype” but if you’ve been reading this sad collection of nostalgic drivel then you will indeed remember the many Glacier adverts that have been on every Nitro broadcast since May or so. We’re now in September and Glacier finally had his first match... on WCW Pro.

Seriously.

WCW Pro is like... Sunday Night Heat or Velocity in WWE terms. It’s below WCW Saturday Night for fuck’s sake.  Tony calls it “one of the most eagerly anticipated debuts ever” - which is why he made his first appearance on WCW FUCKING PRO. Oh WCW, what are you like?

Larry says Glacier will be “a force to be reckoned with”, which, spoiler alert. turns out to be the opposite.

  Oh good, these two walking charisma vacuums.

And these two lumbering idiots. WCW, the best wrestling on the planet. How could WWF in 1996 find no way to entice people away from Pat Tanaka vs Super Calo and The AFC vs the Nasty Boys? Seriously. It isn’t that difficult. 

The AFC do their usual schtick of singing the Canadian national anthem badly and the crowd get angry because ‘Murica fuck yeah and whatever. The Nasty Boys say “fuck this” and attack the AFC after about 10 seconds of this bullshit, getting the match started.

The Amazing French Canadians Vs The Nasty Boys

You don’t care about this match. I don’t care about this match. Let’s just skip to the end.

Knobbs whacks the eyepatch guy with the flag the AFC brought out. Saggs pins for the win. 

The Nasty Boys defeat The Amazing French Canadians via Pinfall.

Mean Gene comes scurrying out to interview the Nastys, for some reason.

Saggs says everybody has been pointing the finger at the Nasty Boys, accusing them of being with the nWo (can’t imagine anybody really cares but OK, sure). Saggs says the Nasty’s are only worried about the tag titles which are in WCW, ergo they aren’t interested in joining the nWo. Does he not realise that faction affiliation is irrelevent as far as challenging for belts is concerned? I mean, Hogan is literally WCW Heavyweight champion at this point in time. 

Knobbs says that the Nasty’s don’t care about the nWo, they’re in WCW and they’re coming for Harlem Heat to take the tag team titles. Short and to the point, which is fine by me, even if the Nasty’s appear to be under the mistaken impression- that joining the nWo would invalidate them from challenging for the tag titles. 

We’re back from a commercial break to find Scott Norton and Sgt Craig Pittman in the ring.

Sgt Craig Pittman Vs Scott Norton

The commentators bill this as a “hold versus hold” match and I’m not sure what this means, as I was under the impression every match is hold versus hold. But whatever. 

After some back and forth Pittman decides that it’s time to ram his head into Norton’s sternum. 

It looks pretty painful and not especially effective, but Pittman enjoys it so much he does it again. 

They head to the outside of the ring. Norton gets whipped against the guardrail, the entirety of which moves upon impact, but then Norton regains control by slamming Pittman’s shoulder into the ring post. 

Norton locks in the armbar but the Sarge will not give up. Long gets onto the ring apron to beg Pittman to give in, but he won’t. WCW, for reasons beyond my understanding, is very careful about protecting Sgt. Craig Pittman. He never gets pushed, as far as I remember, but this man WILL NOT QUIT.

Then... 

Ice Train wanders out wearing this abomination. Seriously - what the fuck? It’s like a demin vest with a backpack built in. It’s something you would expect to see an eight-year old girl in the mid-90s wearing over the top of a t-shirt or something. What clothing brand figured that this design was suitable for huge, beefy dudes? I don’t know, but they clearly have a customer in Ice Train.

Train throws in the towel for Pittman.  

Scott Norton defeats Sgt. Craig Pittman via Forfeit. 

He enters the ring and stares down at Norton, who is looking at Train’s vest top and moobs like “dafuq?”

The two former amigos have a staredown which doesn’t lead anywhere. 

Pepboys Power Pin of the Week is a submission. Go figure.

We head to the locker room where Gene-o is with Ric Flair, Arn Anderson and Lex Luger.

Three of these men are dressed appropriately. The other is Lex Luger.

Apparently Sting is supposed to be a part of this interview as well but is nowhere to be found. Luger assures Flair & Arn that Sting is in the building, but the Horsemen are having none of it and are concerned that Sting doesn’t have his head in the game. Flair starts going crazy and practically flings himself into an alternate dimension with his erratic movements.

Like a jet propeller is being put directly in front of his face.

Anyway eventually these two sad sacks come lumbering in...

Mongo looks like he’s about to explode, whilst Benoit as usual appears barely awake. Mongo yells about not being able to count on Luger and Sting. Luger reiterates that Sting is in the building somewhere, he’s just not around for the interview. The Horsemen do seem overly paranoid here - how hard would it be to track Sting down and talk to him if they are this pissed off? 

Arn says he’s called ahead to Winston, Salem (where Fall Brawl/War Games is being held) to pre-book himself a hospital room as he assumes he’s going to need one. Seems like a somewhat pessimistic thing to do, but is it even possible to pre-book hospital room? Arn is talking like he’s booked a hotel room for the night. Strange lad. He also suggests Hogan uses battery acid to burn out his eyes which... I mean, don’t give the guy ideas, Arn.  

Interview ends with everybody talking over each other and Flair wooing a lot - so, the same as most Horsemen interviews.

People in the crowd are holding these signs which say “nWo - you haven’t seen bad... but it’s coming!” - indeed, Hogan Vs Piper is coming.

We get a recap of this thrilling DDP/Eddie/Chavo storyline which nobody cares about, but why this is recapped is beyond me as the next match has nothing to do with any of those three. 

Instead, out comes “the desparado” himself, Joe Gomez.

Somebody throws a wad of paper at him as he enters. Obviously not a fan.

His opponent is Juventud Guerrera,  who Tony repeatedly refers to as Juventud Guerrero. 

As Juvi enters he runs past these ladies, who appear both baffled and unimpressed with him.

Cold.

Joe Gomez Vs Juventud Guerrera

The match starts off okay, but descends into disaster fairly quickly as Juvi starts trying various lucha things which poor Joe is clearly not comfortable with. First Juvi stands on the apron, jumps onto the ropes as Gomez slowly walks towards him and does this...

It’s clear from this angle alone that there is no way in hell Juvi is going to reach Gomez. In fairness to WCW they switch camera angle just in time to make it look slightly less terrible, although I imagine it was more down to luck than skill. Nonetheless Gomez at least tries to sell the move, falling backwards theatrically.

Weeee! Points for effort if not execution. 

This happens next, and thanks to Uproxx “Best and Worst of WCW Monday Nitro” series (check it out, it’s great) I have a GIF to put into pictures what I would struggle to put into words.

Speaks for itself.

After this Juvi seems to want to go for a hurricanrana from the top turnbuckle but I‘m not sure if they botch this as well or it was the plan, but Juvi ends up backflipping away from the turnbuckle and then catching Gomez with a weak looking dropkick as he jumps towards Juvi.

Juvi just about manages to hit the finishing move...

But even that looks a little bit dodgy. At least Joe just had to lay there for this one. Ref counts to three and mercifully this one is over. Not sure if Gomez or Juvi are to blame for this shitshow, but either way I advise never putting them together again.

Juventud Guerrera defeats Joe Gomez via Pinfall.

For some reason Mean Gene is on the ramp to interview Nick Patrick. Oh good, more of this storyline.

Before they start the interview though, as Juventud walks past Gene and Patrick, Gene says “very good match there on the part of Juventud Guerrera”, then gives Juvi a disdainful look and mutters “guy just kind of... wanders around here”. LOL. Why is Gene throwing shade at poor Juvi? “Guy just wanders around here”, like he’s a lost child or something. I guess Gene is still salty about the interview with Juvi that went wrong a couple of weeks ago, but come on, that was hardly Juvi’s fault. Obvious Gene is still holding a grudge though. 

I don’t think anybody really wants to hear from these two ballbags but here we are anyway. 

Gene is accusing Patrick of making too many controversial calls for it to just be coincidence, whilst Patrick is accusing Gene of being a shit-stirring cock cheese who needs to get a life. Neither are lying but nobody really cares either. What is funny is that Okerlund is very haughty and dismissive of Patrick - until Patrick threatens to take Gene to court - at which point Gene stutters “well I-I hope that doesn’t happen” before saying “thank you very much Nick Patrick, sir, thank you” to Patrick as he walks off. Pathetic. 

Meanwhile Hogan, Hall, Nash and the Giant are outside in the pouring rain putting those nWo flyers with the “you haven’t seen bad... but it’s coming” slogan on random cars. This seems like a total waste of time as by the time the car owners get back to their vehicles the rain would probably have destroyed those flyers anyway.  Do these guys really have nothing better to do? Tony tells us the nWo are “literally” in the parking lot - as opposed to what, being there in spirit?

Ted DiBiase is the smartest of the lot as he 1) has an umbrella and 2) isn’t wasting his time putting up useless flyers in the pouring rain. He’s talking to somebody in the car, and the announcers are shitting themselves as to who it might be, as they tend to do. For all they know DiBiase might just be talking to the driver. 

“HERE’S A STORY OF TWO BROTHERS, RICK AND SCOTT!”

Just Rick tonight. He comes out doing that sad half-bark he does whenever something is troubling him. 

His opponent, of course, is Flexy Lexy.

Rick Steiner Vs Lex Luger

These two are not exactly known as ‘ring generals’ so I am not expecting a classic here. Let’s see, though. Perhaps we will all be pleasantly surprised. 

After various arm drags, headlocks, shoulder blocks, and so on, this happens.

Uh...

Yeah. Rick is basically molesting Luger in the ring and keeps this up for a disturbing amount of time. I guess it’s meant to show his amateur wrestling background but it basically just looks like sexual assault. Rick’s hands are going to places they really should not. 

Hour two begins with the usual fireworks. Bischoff, Heenan and Tenay come in on commentary for the rest of the show. 

Rick hits Luger with a nice powerslam, and Randy Anderson cannot bear to watch the impact. The crowd bark their approval which, personally, I don’t think is helpful. Rick’s clinical lycanthropy is only going to get worse if people bark at him when he does something good. Or bark at him in general, really.

More cuddling. Back away, Rick. Even Randy Anderson is telling him to cut it out at this point.

Luger takes control with a powerslam and signals for the rack. However, before he can attempt his finishing move...

This dicksplash comes running out waving his arms around. Looks like he’s doing the sieg heil there but fairly sure it’s just the timing of the screenshot.

Anyhow, Patrick tells Luger to follow him out the back, yelling something about the nWo beating up Sting.

Considering Patrick’s recent behaviour, Lex, it might not be wise to...

OK. Never mind. Of course Luger goes running after Patrick, abandoning the match entirely and getting himself counted out. 

Everyone looking towards the entrance way like “where’s he going?” 

Rick Steiner defeats Lex Luger via Countout.

We get a shot of DiBiase talking to the mystery man in the limo. Sting’s voice is heard but it is blatantly piped in from some other promo. He says he’s “tired of the DTA stuff, don’t trust anybody”, so I guess he’s not a fan of Stone Cold Steve Austin. DiBiase pretends to talk to the pre-taped Sting voice until Lex shows up.

A guy who is clearly not Sting gets out of the limo and starts beating up Luger whilst Bischoff screams “NO! NO!”

I have the advantage of hindsight and my monitor is probably bigger than most people’s TVs back in 1996... but still, it’s really obviously not Sting. Were people genuinely fooled by this? 

The nWo along with “Sting” beat Luger down and leave him laying in a broken heap in the rain...

It has not been a good night for Luger. First he got yelled at by the Horsemen, then he spent ten minutes getting inappropriately touched by Rick Steiner during their match, then he gets smacked around by the nWo and left on the ground in the pouring rain. Bad times for sure. Although if you’re stupid enough to follow Nick Patrick anywhere... 

Luger does manage to get back up but ends up just kind of wandering around in the rain looking confused whilst the nWo flee, leaving the limos parked outside the building.

These bois are not impressed by what they have just seen. Tenay looks like a dad who is about to grab his belt and put a whippin’ on somebody. Bischoff is indignant. Heenan wears the expression of a man who was just forced to sit through every Raw from 2015. Pure torture. 

Bischoff says he has an update which is literally “we don’t know where [the nWo] are. I’m sorry. I don’t know”. Well thanks for that. Very helpful. 

We get a long recap of last week’s angle including more footage of the amazing all-out brawl that ended the show. Then we get another nWo advert for their t-shirt. 

A bunch of random jobbers are outside with Luger and Rick Steiner milling around the limo yelling out “DIBIASE!” - as if he’ll just pop up and be like “sup bois?” - pointless endeavour. Rick Steiner is the only one smart enough to bring an umbrella outside. Let that one sink in. Luger chucks a bunch of stuff out of one of the limos onto the floor which seems unnecessary. 

Out comes pre-Flock Billy Kidman. The commentators could not care less, just droning on about Sting’s supposed “defection”. 

The other combatant in this contest is Cruiserweight champion Rey Mysterio Jr.

Rey Mysterio Jr Vs Billy Kidman

The announcers spend the entire match in ‘sad voice’, like their dogs have all collectively died. It’s really annoying.

The match spills to the outside very quickly. Rey gets the advantage and rolls Kidman back in. He attempts to jump off the ropes from the apron, but Kidman knows what’s coming and meets Rey with a dropkick to the chest.

Kidman slams Rey in the centre of the ring, runs over to the turnbuckle and leaps off.

Just a two count though. Rey wins the match soon after this by flipping off the ropes onto Kidman.

It looks weak but whatever. This wasn’t anything special.

Rey Mysterio defeats Billy Kidman via Pinfall.

We come back from a commercial and the Dungeon’s of Doom’s “music” is playing, and I put that in inverted commas because it isn’t really music, just a pseudo-creepy OTT villainous laugh accompanied by some kind of chant. Whatever. Normally any sign of the Dungeon is enough to make me want to hang my head in despair, however!

If Meng is involved, it might be somewhat entertaining. Just to note those aren’t two random arms sprouting out of Meng’s shoulders – the Barbarian is behind him.

The announcers are still going on about how tragic Sting’s supposed betrayal is – and Bischoff apologises for “not giving Rey Mysterio the attention he deserves in his match”. I mean, kind of tough to take that apology seriously considering how often this has happened and will continue to happen until Nitro goes out of existence. It is the only time I can recall any commentator in WCW actually apologising for the routine ignoring of the cruiserweights in favour of talking about/complaining about the nWo, though.

These two are the opponents. Yeah, Public Enemy, they definitely deserve that pyro. Sure. Look at them waving their hands in the air like they just don’t care.

By the way, the commentators are still going on about Sting. I wonder if we’ll get another apology for ignoring this match as well? Not that I’d necessarily blame them here.

Some diehard wrestling fans here. I think we saw them previously – seemingly someone in production has taken a liking to these ladies. They look like they got lost on their way to a PTA meeting, but fuck it, might as well enjoy themselves now. Watch out for the dude behind you though, ladies. That smile worries me a little.

The Faces of Fear Vs Public Enemy

We go to a commercial break, and as soon as we come back Bischoff says “I hate to keep repeating this, but apparently Sting has joined forces with the nWo”. Bullshit, if you hated it that much you’d have shut up about it by now. I mean, jeez, we get it.

This contest is just a brawl, as you’d expect. Not exactly a match for the ages, but all of a sudden, randomly…

This dude on the left appears and begins running/skipping around the ring.

The fuck? It’s like Rockstar Spud’s demented uncle or something. 

He briefly chases Jimmy Hart, then just… vanishes? Oh, and by the way, the commentators make no mention of this. They do not acknowledge this at all. Why? Because they’re talking about everything except the match itself. Literally, I’m not kidding, it’s like this match is not happening. It’s like listening to a radio show or a podcast spliced together with unrelated WCW footage.

Wait, what? What’s happening now? The match is ongoing and they just cut to the back. Judging from the faces of these lads you’d think someone died. It’s a sombre scene to say the least – but seriously, why even have the match in the ring? What’s the point? The commentators are acting like it isn’t happening and we cut to an interview as the match is happening. Bischoff doesn’t even note that we’ve cut away from a match in progress, he just says “take it away Gene”, like this is totally normal. Whatever, I guess. It’s not like I’m desperate to see the Faces of Fear versus Public Enemy, but what a bizarre way to structure… everything.

Gene asks Arn to explain what happened in the parking lot earlier. Seemed quite self-explanatory to me and the commentators have not stopped talking about it since it happened, so the viewers really don’t need any extra information.  

Arn says he doesn’t give a shit about Luger losing a friend, or that he’s lost a team mate, he’s just shocked. He brings up Sting’s loyalty to WCW.

They actually move to a split-screen here – I guess someone in the production truck remembered there is actually a match going on. It wouldn’t be fair to deprive the dozens of Faces of Fear/Public Enemy fans the chance to see their favourite grapplers go at it.

Anyway, Arn says he has a sick feeling in his stomach, he’s shocked, and he’s out of words. He’s said quite a few already, though, so not really.

Flair stands there with his arms folded, eyeing the audience like a disappointed father.

Luger says he doesn’t have any answers, and that his “best friend in the whole world” stabbed him in the back. He then says he knows where Sting lives and where he works out, and he’s going to go and find him “right now”. Sounds like Lex is planning to murk Sting. However, he should keep in mind this is a guy who only last week tried to murder somebody by chucking a rock through the window of a limo, then stole a police car. Come to think of it, I’m not sure why Sting isn’t in jail. Regardless, I wouldn’t be chasing after him without a good plan.

Flair screams that he’s “sick of it” and just generally yells about how they’re going to beat up the nWo at War Games (including Sting). Arn says “it’s a fight to the death – yours, not ours”. I suppose that was worth emphasising? Also Arn has a tendency to see these matches as ending in death, even though it never comes close to that.

We return to the Faces of Fear/Public Enemy match. By “we” I mean the audience – the commentators are still talking about War Games. I genuinely don’t think they have said anything about the match – oh, wait a minute, Bischoff does mention the match, finally. Although he says the teams are “literally fighting for their lives” which is not exactly accurate. What is up with these people thinking matches are going to end so tragically?

Anyway, the brawling continues for a while and eventually, somehow, Rocco Rock ends up lying on a table. Barbarian heads for the top turnbuckle.

Guys, I don’t foresee this ending well. Seriously, what is the absolute best result of this? Rocco (who can clearly see Barbarian on the turnbuckle) for some reason lays there and lets Barbarian jump on him. It’ll be brutal for both. Or, Rocco moves and Barbarian crashes through the table. Either way Barbarian doesn’t win in this scenario.

Uh oh. Jimmy Hart is absolutely useless at holding Rocco down, kicked away like an insect as Rocco sits up.

That is a fucking sick bump. It’s funny because Barbarian barely takes any serious bumps at all, on Nitro at least, then he decides to say fuck it and leaps to the concrete through a table because YOLO I guess?

Well anyway he dead. Rocco brings a second table into the ring.

Looks pretty old. Nick Patrick wags his finger in disapproval, but incredibly that isn’t enough to persuade Public Enemy to stop. They lay Meng on the table, then Rocco goes to the top turnbuckle for a moonsault…

He almost misses the table entirely, only catching Meng with his legs. The table is weak enough that it breaks despite the soft contact.

You’d think that would be the spot that ends the match, but no. Meng gets up like nothing happened and starts brawling with Rocco again. Barbarian is also somehow revived and back in the ring fighting with Grunge. This is weird because the outside table spot with Barbarian getting wiped out, and then Meng getting put through the table by Rocco’s moonsault, felt like the end sequence of the match. Now it’s like we’re back at the start again. Keep in mind the match has been going for about 10 minutes now. That’s at least 7 minutes longer than is ideal for these teams, really.

Whilst Rocco and Barbarian are hugging it out in the corner, Meng puts the Tongan Death Grip on Grunge and now this one is over.

No explanation as to what the fuck was going on with that random ginger guy running around the ring earlier by the way. Oh well. During the replay Heenan accidentally calls Meng “Haku” and then goes silent immediately. Oops.

The Faces of Fear defeat Public Enemy via Pinfall.

Suddenly Okerlund appears at ringside, accompanied by the Dungeon of Doom.

Maxx, Jimmy Hart, Big Bubba, Gene, Kevin Sullivan, Hugh Morrus and Konnan. To quote Rufus from Final Fantasy 7 – “what a crew”.

Sullivan is no longer painting his face with those stupid markings, but for some reason is now wearing a white headband. Does he think he’s the Karate Kid now?

He also starts making this derp face - and this isn’t just a screen grab catching an awkward expression momentarily, he’s making this face on purpose.

For some reason we go to Jimmy Hart first, who tells the Giant “it’s the beginning of the end for you, you just don’t know it yet”. I’m sure he’s quaking in his boots.  

Big Bubba then rants about Glacier, talking about him saying he’s coming for “6 or 7 months” and asking if he’s not debuting because he’s afraid. Slight exaggeration on the 6 or 7 months from Bubba, but to be fair it does feel like those vignettes have been running for at least that long. Bubba actually doesn’t seem to be aware that Glacier debuted on WCW Pro, but it’s WCW Pro, so... understandable. Bubba calls the Dungeon of Doom “the masters of intimidation”…

What he means is that Meng is the master of intimidation. The others aren’t exactly adding much to the equation. Maxx is standing off to the side looking distinctly unimpressed by the entire thing.

With that said, bored does seem to be his default expression regardless of what is happening. I imagine he’d have the same expression even if Bubba was in the process of sprouting three heads whilst doing a kossack dance.

After calling Gene “homes”, Konnan calls Sullivan a “hardened veterano”. He then says Sullivan has seen and led gang wars from coast to coast.

Yes, Kevin Sullivan wearing that silly white headband is exactly what I think of when I think of leaders of gang wars. Sullivan’s ‘wut?’ expression here says it all. I’m not sure you can call the Dungeon of Doom/Alliance to End Hulkamania Versus Hogan and Macho Man a “gang war”. I’m not sure two people can even constitute a gang. Also Sullivan may be worried Konnan is unintentionally (?) implicating him in genuine gang wars… which probably isn’t in the Taskmaster’s best interests.

Konnan challenges the nWo to come out and confront the Dungeon, who he calls “the toughest set”. Yeah, sure. The challenge is not accepted, because the nWo are for sure terrified of a “gang” featuring the likes of Maxx, Kevin Sullivan, Big Bubba and Hugh Morrus.

Sullivan says that Savage thinks he’ll owe the Dungeon “a debt” for carrying him out from the ring last week. I doubt it in all honesty – maybe if they’d actually done something to help him before he’d been beaten down and spraypainted. Carrying him out after the fact didn’t really help much.

Anyhow, Sullivan says Savage can repay this fictional debt by first beating John Tenta, because why not I guess, and then by getting rid of the Giant. That doesn’t really seem like a balanced deal. We carry you backstage after you’ve been beaten up, you make it even by beating John Tenta and the Giant. Hmmm.

Time for some nWo propaganda.

Hogan tells us that they “aren’t here for a stinkin’ reason” – directly contradicting Nash and Hall, who had previously made it clear they’d come in specifically to take over WCW. He then randomly says “we’ve got our boss with us” and points to Ted DiBiase, who’s sitting in a chair behind them.

Homely. DiBiase looks like he’s being held prisoner, but whatever. Hogan says DiBiase makes Ted Turner look like a “pauper”. Honestly I could try to recap this whole thing but it’s really just a bunch of random sound bytes ripping on WCW for the most part. They talk about wanting “their own tag team tournament” for some reason. They also want a segment (on Nitro, presumably) where they can “highlight” their talent. What they actually mean is a segment highlighting Hogan, as we’ll discover going forward. Scott Hall says “nWo 4 life” with the hand sign (might be the first instance of this?) and they all end the segment laughing like it was an amazing joke.

I was a satellite dish owner back then – or rather, my parents were - but no WCW PPVs in the UK, sadly. We only got a butchered hour-long version of Nitro on TNT UK during 1996 & 1997. I didn’t find out that I’d been watching an edited version of the show until many years later. At least now I can sit back and relive the glory of the Faces of Fear Vs Public…. eh, maybe TNT UK were doing us a favour after all.

Back with your bois at the announce desk. Tenay once again has that “stern dad” look, whilst Heenan seems to be whimsically remembering something from years gone by. Take a guess as to what Bischoff is talking about?

A)     The upcoming main event

B)     Meltzer being wrong about everything

C)     Blue Chew

D)     Sting’s betrayal

If you’ve been following along thus far, you’ll know the answer. The lad does genuinely hate big Dave though, and loves that Blue Chew. Come to think of it, what is the main event? I can’t even remember. Sting’s supposed betrayal has been hammered into my brain so many fucking times at this point I can barely conceive of any other event occurring at any wrestling show.

Chris Jericho’s music plays, but…

It’s John Tenta? Still got that stupid haircut by the way. Seriously, fish man, you’ve made your point. Get that shaved.

But yeah, I’m confused here. I thought Jericho was coming out. But hold on, that’s Jericho’s second theme, “One Crazed Anarchist”, aka the Pearl Jam ripoff, not the one he’s using at this point in WCW, which I believe is the Journey ripoff. So John Tenta is in fact the OG “One Crazed Anarchist”. For the record, the theme suits Jericho far more than it suits the former Shark.

As he comes out Tenta says “Savage, you’re not putting me down”. You think so, John?

What exactly has that guy in the hat been up to? That is not the look of an innocent person.

Ohhh yeahhh, it’s the Macho Man. The commentators are pretending that the result of the match is in any doubt, which I suppose they have to do.

John “anti-fish” Tenta Vs “Macho Man” Randy Savage

Savage storms to the ring, but that turns out to be a bad idea as Tenta stomps on the Macho Man’s back as he slides in and then clobbers him with a forearm to the back.

Bad strategy, Macho. Tenta’s moobs though… whoa.

That’s an interesting choice of attire for a wrestling event, madam.

Tenta works over Savage in the corner for a bit. Savage then begins to make a comeback, before for some reason attempting to slam Tenta…

Goes about as well as you’d expect. Macho really needs to work on his strategy.

Bischoff actually specifically says here that Heenan accidentally referred to Meng as “Haku” earlier and wants to make it clear Meng now works for WCW and not the WWF. I guess they were really taking this kind of thing seriously due to the lawsuits flying around at this point in history. Funny though, as you hear these kinds of slip-ups all the time. I mean, if TNA or AEW were sued for every time a commentator accidentally used a competitor’s ex-WWE name there would need to be a legal department created specifically just to deal with the fucking volume. At least Heenan didn’t call it “WWF Nitro”.

Tenta hits Macho with a decent looking drop kick – quite impressive considering his weight. Outside of the ring Savage hits Tenta with a steel chair…

He isn’t disqualified because…? He whacks Tenta twice more with a chair. This is not a no-DQ match, but it is WCW, so fuck the rules unless we need them for storyline purposes, right?

Flying elbow drop!

Macho goes up for a second, but then Teddy Long comes to ringside yelling “Macho!” – what could the so-called “godfather” want with Savage? Also where’s my man Ice Train at? Come to think of it, I just remembered what he was wearing earlier… best for him to stay backstage.

Savage still hits the second elbow drop. Long is gesticulating wildly at Savage and yelling something about the nWo. Savage leaps over the top rope with nice agility.

But before we go any further…

Son, I am disappoint. I can’t even say “A for effort” because that is the lowest tier of effort.

Anyway, Savage follows Teddy to the outside of the arena where Teddy announces “YOU GONNA GO ONE-ON-ONE WITH THE UNDERTAKER PLAYA!”

Actually, they run towards a limo.              

The limo drives off as soon as Savage approaches it. What was the point of that?

Flair and Mongo randomly appear as the limo drives away.

There’s another limo there, but only a box of spraypaint inside it. There are a ton of WCW guys out there now – the Horsemen, the Dungeon, Public Enemy, Juvi, Super Calo, Savage… basically everyone who was on TV tonight. They start spraypainting “WCW” on the limo windows… or rather, they try to. Due to the fact it’s been raining and everywhere is wet it ends up just looking like a green smudge. As an aside, if that is in fact not an nWo limo, somebody is going to be in for a surprise.  

For some reason the commentators are all standing up. Tenay is looking more evil every time he’s on camera. It’s like he wants to reach through the camera and strangle each and every viewer.

Seriously though, he is repeatedly making a “pissed-off dad” face.

“Dad, I borrowed your car…”

“Um… and… I got a speeding ticket…”

“And there’s a dent on the front as I kinda sorta knocked over the mailbox…”

Grounded forever.

Anyway, once they all sit back down Heenan goes on a rant about the nWo which concludes with “if we don’t stop them now then they can’t be stopped”. If only you could glimpse into the future and nWo 2000, Bobby.

Oh, by the way, I guess John Tenta won the match against Savage by count out? It wasn’t announced or shown, but Savage jumped out of the ring and never returned, so…

John Tenta defeats “Macho Man” Randy Savage via Countout.

I guess Tenta was right, Savage didn’t put him down after all. Score one for the fish hating weirdo.

Double A suddenly appears on set. Heenan gives Arn his headset. Can’t help but think it’d be better for Anderson to be in the ring with a mic, as the fans in the arena can’t hear any of this… but whatever.

Arn says that the world is “in shock” and “outraged”. The world is probably a bit of a stretch, but OK. Flair turns up as Arn is talking, as do Benoit and Mongo. Arn says that this all began ten years ago with the original Horsemen, and that they paved the way and showed the nWo how to do it. Technically true. Arn says the nWo want to be the Horsemen “when they grow up”.

Tenay continuing to give that evil stare, even at Arn. Bischoff looks kind of sad.

As an aside, I may have mentioned it before, but I really like this shirt design:

Bischoff begins talking about making mistakes, but Flair interrupts him. Flair screams so loudly that the headset seems to take some damage as the volume decreases slightly. Flair explains War Games – although if you don’t know what it is by this point then what have you been doing with your life? – and says Hogan won’t leave War Games alive. Spoiler alert: he does.

Bischoff then talks about how maybe bringing Hogan in to WCW was “a mistake” and that the Horsemen “haven’t been given their just due”. The same exact sentence could have been said in 2000 and been even more relevant.

WCW then ends the show with a replay of Luger getting beaten up by “Sting” and the nWo. I’m sure he appreciates that. A good thing they reminded us, as I think a whole ten seconds passed at the end there without mention of Sting’s betrayal and my memory had started to go hazy.

[gdwessel]

Moxley Defeats Kojima, Challenged by Suzuki at AEW ALL OUT, Mox v. Suzuki on AEW Dynamite Wednesday 9/8/2021; Other NJPW Activity In Chicago Last Weekend; Kidani Gives Not-Very-Inspiring Interview to Tokyo Sports About Poor Attendances

Once again, technical issues prevented me from posting this yesterday, and it's obvious something needs to be done about the computer I'm using, one way or another. I wasn't even able to finish a podcast yesterday I needed to. So I may be taking a few days off from this thing in order to get my tech issues resolved. Try not to miss me too much?

Sunday night at AEW's ALL OUT PPV from Hoffman Estates, IL, former IWGP US Heavyweight champion Jon Moxley defeated the visiting Satoshi Kojima in the second match of the show, and it was very good. Of course, Kojima isn't a huge name among modern wrestling fans necessarily, so the AEW commentators did a very good job explaining just how decorated Kojima's been through his career to build him up, and Kojima was over with the live fans in attendance. Moxley did defeat Kojima after two Death Riders, and then cut a promo saying he was irritated that a certain someone wasn't answering his challenges (Hiroshi Tanahashi).

Cue "Kaze ni Nare," and Minoru Suzuki appeared, officially kicking off his US tour. Suzuki made his way to the ring, and got into an elbow battle with Moxley, getting Mox's blood on him as Mox skinned his elbow at some point in the match, probably due to his activity on Saturday night (more on that below). Eventually Suzuki got the better of Mox, and hit a Gotch-style Piledriver on him to end the segment. Of course, Mox v. Suzuki had the potential to be a feud of the year in 2020 before the pandemic put a stop to that, so it's good they've decided to revisit this whilst Suzuki is on his tour of the indies this Fall. Mox v. Suzuki is now booked for this Wednesday's AEW Dynamite, from Moxley's home town of Cincinnati, OH. This was of course the first of four shock appearances, what with Ruby Soho, Adam Cole and, critically, Bryan Danielson all appearing. This was a very, very good show, and I highly recommend it.

(Another date to Suzuki's tour has been added now, as Premiere Wrestling Xperience in Concord, NC, has booked Suzuki v. Anthony Henry for their All Hail The King event on 10/2/2021, so that will go on the itinerary now as well!)

That wasn't all Moxley got up to this past weekend. As of Saturday night, Mox is now the Game Changer Wrestling Heavyweight Champion, after quickly defeating Matt Cardona (yes, the former Zack Ryder, who beat Nick Gage last month in what has been a masterclass of getting heat that should be studied by wrestlers and fans alike) via Death Rider onto lighttubes (which might be where the cut came from that opened Sunday). Afterwards, Moxley laid out the belt as a challenge to Nick Gage (something that has been building since Wrestlemania Weekend), which was accepted, and will take place at GCW's show in Atlantic City, NJ, on 10/9/2021.

Elsewhere, the NJPW Strong Openweight champion "Filthy" Tom Lawlor is now Tommy Two Belts, as he defeated the Black Label Pro Midwest Champion, former Time Splitter Alex Shelley, for that title at the joint GCW/BLP show 3 Cups Stuffed late Friday night, and then defended it the next day at BLP's Ground Control to Filthy Tom, defeating Daniel Garcia (late of both AEW and NJPW Strong) in the main event of that show. Juice Robinson also got involved with the proceedings this weekend, defeating 1 Called Manders at AAW's Destination Chicago show on Thursday 9/2/2021, the company's return to the Logan Square Arena for the first time since lockdown. AAW frequently books Impact talents on their shows (Josh Alexander and Jake Something still regularly feature for AAW), so that's likely how that booking happened.

All of the above events, even AEW ALL OUT, are available for purchase on FITE TV right now.

Yesterday, NJPW (and Bushiroad [and STARDOM!]) owner Takaaki Kidani gave an interview to Tokyo Sports, acknowledging the relatively poor attendances for the two nights of Wrestle Grand Slam in MetLife Dome this past weekend (barely over 2000 each night), even in light of reduced capacities due to states of emergency. Kidani recognized that attendances are down for the promotion, and even said if something does not happen soon, the three nights of Wrestle Kingdom 16 may be "duds." What's worrisome is, Kidani's solution in light of "foreign talents" not coming over (well, except when they are -- Zack Sabre Jr., Jeff Cobb, Tama Tonga, Tanga Loa, Chase Owens and KENTA are all booked for G1 Climax 31), appears to be "booking more matches," which I suppose could also be read as "booking more events."

There are a few problems with NJPW right now. The amount of matches on shows is not one of them. Indeed, I daresay the reduced number of matches has shined a light on just how ponderously endless a cycle the prelude tag matches can be, and the extended Summer Struggle tour showed that as well. The problem is a lack of compelling ideas and storylines happening with the talents they have right now. No, not every feud will be Okada v. Tanahashi, but then, they don’t need to be in order to be something the crowds can get behind. SHO v. YOH has the potential to be something worth watching; lazily throwing SHO into yet another sub-faction of the Bullet Club is not the way to build interest in it. That only sort of worked last year with EVIL, because their backs were against the wall immediately following lockdown. EVIL hasn’t amounted to jackshit since. Why they went to that particular well again is beyond me.

The debacles regarding the IWGP World Heavyweight Championship loom large in this equation too. From the initial unification that got rid of a beloved belt, even among the attending fans in Japan, not just Western internet fans, to the failures of Kota Ibushi and Will Ospreay as champions, have only served to heighten the malaise among the fans. Shingo Takagi is a great champion so far; that match v. EVIL on Sunday, eh, was not. Ospreay’s absence from Japan has completely derailed the United Empire, the first new NJPW stable in over 5 years when it was formed, and now Great O-Khan, the most interesting new character in the NJPW setup in the last year, can barely get booked on shows. Sure, perhaps “book more matches” might help that, but not if it’s just endless tag matches when Jeff Cobb nor Aaron Henare can’t be counted on to be on every tour in this pandemic age. It says something that the longest serving champions in NJPW right now include YOSHI-HASHI as part of that tandem.

Long story short, there are issues with NJPW, no doubt. Kidani acknwledging the slumping attendances, especially in light of announced a three-day Wrestle Kingdom 16, is good. I don’t think he’s going about this the right way tho. More matches is not the answer. More better storylines and feuds, that might be a better idea to try first.

Well, that's all for me, for now. See you on the other side of these laptop issues.

[rawiswhore]

Billy Gunn x Fem Reader- “69 Boyz”

1999 is almost coming to a close.

Not only is 1999 almost over, but so is the 1990's decade in general, and even the 20th Century in general is almost over.

The 20th Century, a tumultuous century filled with good and bad, is almost over with.

That's not all, we're entering a new millennium in general.

However, some people are debating when the new millennium truly starts, in 2000 or 2001.

There's several people panicking because they're afraid the world will truly end on January 1st, 2000, and they're stocking up on paper towels and food.

You don't believe the world will end.

And in 1999, the WWF has beat WCW in ratings during the Monday Night Wars.

A few years ago, the WWF almost went out of business and had 1 million people watching it.

Now, the viewership is up to 6 million people watching.

The WWF's "Monday Night Raw" and "WCW Nitro" are the highest rated shows on television in 1999.

Pro wrestling is more popular than ever before.

And the most popular wrestling faction of the late 90's and early 2000's Attitude era is arguably D Generation X.

D Generation X were the WWF's answer to the N.W.O. over in WCW.

D Generation X are one of the reasons why the WWF is now called WWF Attitude.

When pro wrestlers become immensely popular, there's bound to be a lot of merchandise made of them, especially T-shirts.

Some wrestlers wear shirts that have replicas worn by fans, just look at Hulk Hogan, Stone Cold, the Rock, and even John Cena.

And yep, D Generation X's shirts they've worn have been worn by fans all throughout America.

One of DX's shirts they've worn is a black football-style jersey that reads either "degenerate" or their "suck it" catchphrase on the back, whichever shirt they wear or sell, and the number "69" written on the back.

Yep, that's DX in a nutshell.

You've worn that jersey many times before, have been pictured wearing it and even have slept in it, and when the "basketball jersey dress" trend in the 2000's happened, you turned a DX football jersey into a dress.

When Britney Spears turned football jerseys into cute short tops/shirts in the early 2000's, you turned a DX football jersey into a cute short top.

By the end of 1999, DX, especially X Pac, Road Dogg and Billy Gunn, are wearing those football jersey's with "69" on the back.

X Pac and Road Dogg do nothing for you looks wise, and Triple H is losing his looks a bit by getting bigger and growing facial hair, but there is a DX member who luckily hasn't cut his hair yet and has it long and flowing.

That member is Billy Gunn!

Seeing Billy Gunn in that DX football jersey with a sex related number on the back gave you an idea for his birthday.

When it was his birthday, you told him an idea you had for him, and he loved your idea.

The perfect birthday present.

On his birthday in 1999, you and Billy were both dressed in that aforementioned DX football jersey and nothing else underneath.

You were busy sucking on Billy's cock, your head bobbing up and down his shaft while you sucked his penis, Billy was licking and tonguing your pussy.

Thankfully, you don't have any shit caked and smeared on your ass cheeks and around your asshole, your ass is completely clean, and you don't have any pubic hair around your vagina or up your ass crack.

Hopefully you don't fart in Billy's face when you're 69'ing him.

Your ass was trying not to smother his face, he was trying not to bury his face in between your ass crack considering your ass crack leads to your asshole.

Your lips were circulating around his shaft, whereas Billy's tongue was traveling up your pussy, tasting the salty, creamy substance coming from your twat.

You're not gonna let Billy Gunn lick and eat your ass despite his nickname being Mr. Ass and his entrance music describing how he's an ass man, why?

Because not only is eating ass disgusting, in the future, what if you or someone else wants to kiss Billy and his mouth/tongue has tasted your asshole, even if he's cleansed his mouth out with mouth wash and scrubbed his tongue with toothpaste afterwards?

You won't even let him lick your ass cheeks.

Then again, you've let him and other wrestlers eat your pussy, and many men have been inside your twat.

You're also sucking his cock despite it being up your asshole a few times, of course he's washed and cleansed his dick after it's been up your anus.

Billy's tongue is sliding up one of your pussy flaps, only to shift across to your clitoris, though it's hard for his tongue to reach your clit.

So instead, he's licking what's in the middle of your twat.

As he's eating your cunt out, precum is trickling out of the slit of his penishead, but your mouth is there to suck it up and swallow it once it's in your mouth.

Billy's missing the opportunity to do DX's "suck it!" taunt and crotch chop at the same time as you're sucking his dick.

Your tongue is also licking anywhere around his shaft where his precum might be dripping down, licking it up to make sure it doesn't fall down his shaft.

Billy's licking up and down the middle of your pussy like it's a Popsicle, moving his tongue up and down your twat, licking that wonderful salty area in between your pussy flaps.

You'd love it if Billy made you cum so he can eat and clean your twat up after you've came, or for you to cum in his mouth.

When you're sucking his shaft, your head is going up his shaft while you suck his penis.

Sometimes you've let your head and mouth go further down his shaft, almost all the way down to the bottom.

Billy is trying to make the tip of his tongue touch your clit, though it is a little difficult.

Maybe it's okay if he doesn't make you cum.

His tongue isn't just licking up and down the middle of your twat, but also up and down both of your pussy flaps, sometimes even across them.

Since his nickname is Mr. Ass, wonder if he should give both of your ass cheeks a squeeze and maybe even a spank?

Billy loves the feel of you sucking his cock, his eyes are rolling in the back of his head and he's trying to concentrate on licking your twat.

Since his face is so close to your pussy, you can feel his breath on your pussy, his breath is warm and it feels good, though his breath isn't on your clit, the most sensitive part of your pussy.

Billy is tempted to exclaim DX's "suck it" catchphrase and make his hands form a crotch chop, he may as well ask it despite you're busy.

"Hey y/n!" Billy called.

Your eyes looked at him.

"Can I shout 'suck it' and crotch chop at you?" he asked.

You nodded your head, your hand forming a "thumb's up" motion.

Billy smiled hearing your response, and he has such an infectious, warm smile.

Your mouth slightly grinned when he smiled at you.

He moved his hands over his genitals, where he crossed his hands at the wrist and made them form an "x" shape.

He raised those crossed hands up a few inches only to quickly drop them down.

"Suck it!" he exclaimed, but not too loud since he's in a hotel room.

You were trying not to giggle and laugh while you sucked his cock.

He then slid his hands apart from the wrists and made his hands form a "v" shape at what's known as his "cum gutters".

His fingers were attached to one another when his hands were across from each other on opposite cum gutters, raising his hands up from them, only to quickly drop them down.

"Suck it!" he quietly exclaimed.

DX's "suck it" should be a compliment, not an insult.

He could crotch chop and say "suck it" all night.

He, too, was trying to keep a straight face and not burst out into laughter.

You proceeded to suck his cock until after he cums.

But before he came, one thing he thought of doing to you is rubbing the tip of his finger on your clit to help you cum.

"Hey y/n" he said again, which made your eyes shift and look at him.

"Can I rub your clit?" he asked.

You shrugged your shoulders.

Either way, it's up to him.

He can do it, he can't.

"Is that a 'yes' or a 'no'?" he asked.

"Either way is fine" you suggested, your mouth no longer wrapped around his shaft.

He nodded his head.

"Thanks" he rewarded.

"You're welcome!" you answered, smiling at him.

Your head leaned back into his erection, his cock entering your open mouth and lips wrapped around his shaft again, proceeding to suck his cock again.

His index finger slid in between your pussy flaps, but not up your twathole.

When his index finger reached where your clitoris is, he proceeded to rub up and down that clit with the tip of his index finger.

He knows where the clitoris is thanks to reading sex education books growing up, as well as from all of the ringrats and groupies he's had sex with, including you.

The clitoris is one of the most sensitive parts of a woman's body, and he knows that.

He also pressed your clit a few times with the pad of his index finger.

He knows how sensitive your clit is and how you enjoy it when anyone presses their finger on your clit.

He's driving you crazy by rubbing your clit.

"Mmmmmm" you mumbled and muttered while he rubbed your clit.

You want to say something, but you're busy sucking his cock!

Speaking of cocks, you've sucked his dick for quite a long time.

Such a long time, that eventually, Billy released such a throaty groan out of his mouth, his eyes shutting tight like he stubbed his toe and his slit released his cum out into your mouth.

That isn't a problem for you, you gulped and swallowed his cum down, as well as licked up and down his shaft, licking up any precum or cum that dripped down his shaft.

Billy was contemplating to finger your twat or not, as in slid his finger inside your pussy hole.

"Hey y/n!" he said to you, which made your eyes turn and look at him.

"Can I put my finger up your pussy hole?" he asked.

Hmmmm, good question.

While putting his finger up your cunt is fine, but you do want him to do other things to you besides finger your twat, and you've thought of him rubbing you until you cum.

You'd like for him to eat up that cum you might release with his tongue.

"I've thought of letting you rub my clit until I cum" you confessed "And you'll get cum on your finger if you put your finger up my pussy"

He nodded his head.

"But the center of your pussy will still be salty and gooey in cum!" he argued.

"Yeah, but I'll probably make your entire index finger drenched in cum!" you fought back. "What if it was my entire pussy instead?"

"What's wrong with my finger covered in your cum?" he asked.

Nothing, really, but you prefer him if he ate your twat out.

"Nothing, really" you admitted "But I prefer you tonguing my pussy"

"What if I finger your pussy a few seconds before you cum?" he suggested.

"Ehhhh, maybe" you suggested, shrugging your shoulders.

Later on that evening, Billy brushed his tongue up your twat, up the middle of it and your pussy flaps, sometimes the tip of his tongue tried to reach out to touch your clit.

At the beginning of 1999, when Triple H wore that DX jersey that had the number 69 on the back of it, you and Triple H 69'ed each other while wearing those DX jerseys.

______________________________________________________________

I actually did think of typing a fanfic where the fem reader is having sex with Billy Gunn during his RockaBilly era circa April 1997, or at the end of 1996 when he was still with the Smoking Gunns while doing it with him "reverse cowgirl" as it's called (since his gimmick during the majority of the 90's was a cowboy, and in 1997 his gimmick was a rockabilly/country singer), though I've already written a fanfic like that but with Shawn Michaels.

I also thought of writing a fanfic where the fem reader has a threesome with Billy Gunn and his former tagteam partner Bart Gunn, though I've written so many threesome fanfics.

[beingallelite]

Hoffman Estates, Illinois — All Elite Wrestling returned to familiar ground in the suburbs of Chicago on Saturday, trying to recreate the magic that launched the brand's leading stars into the wrestling stratosphere at last year's All In.

Mission accomplished.

All Out was a five-hour extravaganza, mixing diverse wrestling styles to create a show unlike anything fans had ever seen from a mainstream promotion. From the old-school southern shenanigans of Cody Rhodes and Shawn Spears to the state-of-the-art stunt spectacular performed by the Young Bucks and Lucha Brothers, it was a wrestling show that had something remarkable for every fan in the building.

The energy was electric—and contagious. The live crowd couldn't get enough, and the building was full to bursting with fans who felt invested, not just in individual wrestlers or storylines, but in the entire enterprise.

Something special is brewing in the wrestling industry, and AEW is at the heart of it.

Last week, Off the Top Rope's Jonathan Snowden talked to one of the event's architects, All Elite Wrestling executive Brandi Rhodes, about the launch of a new wrestling promotion, her savvy use of social media and her role in building a women's division from the ground up.

This week, we continue that conversation with a discussion of one of the most multifaceted talent rosters in professional wrestling history.

Jonathan Snowden: I'm assuming you're often the only woman in the room when a lot of important decisions are being made. Is it kind of your duty to keep an eye out for the other women on the roster and help make sure they aren't pushed in directions creatively that a man might not realize could make them uncomfortable?

Brandi Rhodes: That's the goal. I haven't had any situations like that yet, but we're about to start weekly TV. So we'll see some of the ideas. But there have been for myself at times in wrestling, times when I had to say, 'Hey, wait a minute, I'm not really comfortable with that' or, 'That doesn't work for me.'

It's interesting to see how a lot of people don't see the other side of the coin. Since they haven't been there. Someone might suggest your character say something that they'd never say. It doesn't occur to them that there are people who think differently about something, from another perspective.

I think it probably will be helpful to have me there. I'm also someone who is always looking at things from different angles. There's always two answers. Cody and I run a lot of things by each other. We're able to help each other see things differently than we would singularly.

JS: What's an example of a time you remember when you were asked to do something you didn't feel right about doing? Is there a moment that stands out?

Rhodes: Ideas that made it seem like I wasn't particularly faithful to my husband. That's an area I don't like to go. It's just not for me.

And the fans, they know us. They know Cody and I, and they like our relationship. So, I would never want to kind of scoff in their faces and make it seem like it's something that it's not.

JS: You guys have a slogan, "AEW is for everyone." I know just how real that is, and I wanted to personally thank you for your commitment to sensory inclusion. We have two kids on the autism spectrum, and going to an event like yours can be kind of terrifying. But we came out to Double or Nothing, and the sensory room you put together with KultureCity made a huge difference. Why was this so important to you? Because I was told you championed the cause.

Rhodes: Thank you for sharing that with me. I love hearing from people who had wonderful experiences with the sensory room. It really makes me so happy.

KultureCity actually reached out to me. I didn't know anything about them or their mission, because it was really vague to me what they represented. I met with [CEO] Julian Maha, and he told me that when we said "AEW is for everyone," it might not be true. He said: 'You're missing a big part of the market. You're missing people with invisible illnesses.' I said, 'Wow." Because we 100 percent were, and we hadn't thought about it.

It's just one of those things people don't think about unless it personally affects them. It can easily slip your mind unless you're confronted with it. But I've been to countless wrestling shows over the last seven or eight years. I've been a part of many meet-and-greets where someone had a need like this and no one knew what to do. Personally, it was embarrassing when we didn't know how to help people and they would just have to leave.

So, when Julian brought this up, I was all for it. If I can keep those moments from happening for any family, I'm all for whatever it takes to make that happen. We are fully in with KultureCity and doing everything we can to get them to as many events as possible.

JS: Inclusion seems to be important generally to this company. From Nyla Rose to Sonny Kiss to the Chinese superstars from OWE, you've been finding talent where most mainstream wrestling companies don't even think to look for it. Are there barriers you're intentionally breaking down, or is it just a matter of being open to talented performers, whatever their background might be?

Rhodes: It's not something we set out to do. We never said, 'We need to check these boxes.' That's not a good way to find the best talent, in my opinion. As long as you keep in mind that what you're looking for is the best person, regardless of anything else, you're going to find the best of the best. And I think that's what we've got here.

In our case, we were very, very lucky. A lot of talent just kind of fell in our lap, which is wonderful when you don't have to search very hard for such talented people.

Our agenda was always to have an open mind about everything. When you have someone like Sonny Kiss, who is very much on the surface who he is, there is no way we're going to say, 'Maybe he should be different, do different moves or act a different way.' He is who he is, and who he is is perfect. He's very talented, and we absolutely love having Sonny as part of the roster.

JS: You guys have made great use of social media. Before I was familiar with the wrestling work of many of your young performers, I met them on your YouTube shows Being The Elite and The Road to All Out series. Both those shows are great at making you really care about the people who make up this company.

But is that possible with some of the foreign talents? I think Riho and [Hikaru] Shida had a really compelling match at All Out—how do you present them on a YouTube show the same way with the language and cultural barriers that might be there?

Rhodes: That's always a challenge, as many people have seen in wrestling over the years with characters when English isn't their first language. However, there have also been plenty of examples where it hasn't been a factor at all because they've been able to express themselves in other ways.

There are things we have in mind to let people know more about some of these wrestlers and how they came to be, what their background is and who they are in the ring. It's something you'll have to see as we roll it out, but there are definitely plans.

JS: AEW launches on TNT on Oct. 2, just a few weeks after WWE takes their NXT brand into the mainstream on the USA Network. Old-school wrestling fans have seen a version of this before, but for new fans, this may be the first time they've been asked to make a choice. So, with WWE just a click away, why should fans choose to take a leap of faith with AEW?

Rhodes: We've been at the cusp of something amazing in wrestling, something we're calling a revolution. This is the first time in almost 20 years that there has been another brand that is this strong and on prime time.

The fanbase has expressed that they've wanted this and needed this for so long. It's been proven with the sellouts we've been having at multiple arenas throughout the country that people really, really do want this alternative.

We vow to bring that alternative in many, many ways. We've talked about it across many mediums, and we'll stay true to our belief that bell-to-bell wrestling is the most important thing.

Our roster is so diverse, and I think our show will be different than anything people have seen. We just hope to continue this movement, and fans will come with us and tune in every week so we can keep doing what we're doing. That's what makes this possible: the fans. As long as the fans keep rallying behind us and stick with us, we're going to do really, really well.

Brandi Rhodes is the chief brand officer for All Elite Wrestling and a standout performer. You can follow her on Twitter and YouTube for further glimpses into a life well-lived.

Match of the Week

Young Bucks vs. Lucha Brothers (AEW All Out, Aug. 31): These teams have been squaring off for months, to the point where their combined excellence has become almost routine. A ladder match successfully upped the ante, ramping up the danger, level of difficulty and excitement in ways that would have been unimaginable just two decades ago when Edge, Christian and the Hardy Boyz set the standard for all to follow.

With all due respect to WWE's legends of the form, this match surpassed even their best efforts. It was consistently innovative, daring and almost too much for several people in my section at Sears Centre, who hid their faces in their hands and literally begged for someone to stop the match before someone died in the ring.

No one did, but only because the performers executed some of the most bonkers highspots imaginable and almost never missed a beat.

'Hard Times' Promo of the Week

Chris Jericho was on top of the world as he cruised Tallahassee, Florida, in a limousine on his way to a local LongHorn Steakhouse. Jericho was the new AEW world champion, and to the victor go the spoils.

Afterward, however, there was a bit of a problem: he couldn't find the belt. As the internet mocked him savagely, Jericho leaned into the storm and made the moment his own.

Here's a taste of his genius, delivered in a hot tub with a scarf on, because it's Chris Jericho and he can:

"Now, as I sit here in my palatial estate, in my beautiful mansion, getting ready to have a little bit of the bubbly, I'm just imagining what I would do to that son of a b---h if he was here right now.

"And as a result, I am launching a worldwide investigation, using the top private investigators in the world today, to find out who committed this crime. And trust me, as the AEW champion ... I promise to regain and restore and find—and reclaim!—the AEW championship and once again give you another reason to finally give me the 'thank you' that I deserve.

"You're welcome."

Update: He got it back!

[alpha-incipiens]

Favourite music of the decade!

This is some of what I’d consider the most innovative, artistic and just great to listen to music from 2010-2019.

First a Lot of very good songs:

Crying - Premonitory dream

Arcade Fire - Normal person

Sufjan Stevens - I want to be well

Deerhunter - Sailing

Foster the People - Pumped up kicks

Carly Rae Jepsen - Boy problems

Grimes - Butterfly

Travis Scott - Butterfly effect

Future - March madness

Kanye West ft. Nicki Minaj et al - Monster

Juice Wrld - Won’t let go

Danny Brown - Downward spiral

Kendrick Lamar - Sing about me, I’m dying of thirst

Kate Tempest - Marshall Law

The Avalanches - Stepkids

Iglooghost - Bug thief

Vektroid - Yr heart

Ariel Pink - Little wig

Mac Demarco - Sherrill

Vektor - Charging the void

Jyocho - 太陽と暮らしてきた [family]

Panic! at the disco - Ready to go

The Wonder Years - An American religion

Oso oso - Wake up next to god

The World Is a Beautiful Place & I Am No Longer Afraid to Die - I can be afraid of anything

And my top 20(+2) albums:

Calling Rich gang’s style influential on trap would be like saying Nirvana may have had some impact on early-90s grunge. In 2019 with trap so omnipresent in popular music, hip hop or otherwise, through the impact of artists like Drake and Travis Scott it’s almost hard to remember when this was a niche genre - it was Rich gang that popularised its modern sound here. Birdman’s beats with their rattling hi-hats and deep bass could have been made 5 years later without arousing suspicion, while Rich Homie Quan and Young Thug deliver consistently entertaining flows and numerous bangers between them. Thugger, this being his first major project, steals the show with his yelpy and hilarious rapping style. This may have once been the defining sound of house parties in the Atlanta projects; now it can be heard blasting in the night from white people’s sound systems around the world.

Early 21p may have never aimed to be cool, to avoid a certain appearance of lameness, but they did have a knack for writing some really catchy pop with an optimistic message. To the devoted, the critics of Pilots’ apparent mishmash of nerdy rap, sentimental piano balladry and EDM production were just stuffy, wanting music to stay how it was back-in-the-day forever and unwilling to get with the times. This viewpoint is understandable when you approach this album openly and actually listen to Tyler Joseph’s lyrics about youthful anxiety and insecurity, delivered with real conviction and sincerity, actually recognise that disparate musical elements are all there for emotional punch. A few songs do underwhelm. But this is emo for post-emo Gen Z’s and it’s easy to see why to some it can be deeply affecting.

The musical ancestor to the ongoing and endless stream of ‘lo-fi hip hop beats’ youtube mixes, chillwave filled the same low-stress niche, and Dive released at the peak of the genre’s relevance. Tycho’s woozy, mellow sound prominently features rich acoustic and bass guitar melodies over warm synths, enhancing the music’s organic feel compared to that of purely digital producers in the genre. The experience of starting this album is like waking up in a soft bed, the cover’s gorgeous sunrise reddening the room’s walls, while a guitarist improvises somewhere on the Mediterranean streets outside. And it is indeed great to study or relax to!

Simple, minimal acoustic guitar and vocals. If you’ve got talent this type of music shows it, or else it doesn’t: perfect then for Ichiko Aoba. Her touch is light, her songs calm, meditative, in no rush to get anywhere. As if serenely watching a natural landscape, one can best understand and enjoy Aoba’s music in quiet and peaceful appreciation.

Through the incorporation of genres like shoegaze and alternative rock, Deafheaven managed to create a rare thing: a metal album that’s both heavy and accessible, needing no sacrifice of one for the other’s sake. Over these four main songs, there’s a sensation of being taken on an intense, atmospheric and even emotional journey, with the band stepping away from the negativity and misanthropy that dominates most metal. The vocals, closer to the confessionalism of screamo than classic black metal shrieks, express more sadness than they do aggression, and in respites between solid blaring walls of guitar and drums, calm pianos and gently strummed guitar passages set a pensive tone. This totally enveloping, flawlessly produced sound can take you away, like My Bloody Valentine’s best work, into a dream or trance.

By the late 2000s MCR had taken their thrones as the kings of a subculture formed from the coalition of goth, emo, scene and other assorted Hot Topic-donned kids, and earned a lifelong place in the hearts of many a depressed teenager. But after the generation-defining The Black Parade Gerard Way took off the white facepaint and skeleton costume, ditched the lyrics about corpse brides and vampires, and embraced an anthemic, purely pop punk sound. The silly story of Danger Days, set in a dystopian California where villainous corporations rule and only the Punks can stop them, serves as a kind of idealised setting for the all-out rebellion against authority and normality that so many fantasised about taking part in. The band’s electrifying performances are the most uplifting of their decade making music. For many diehards the upbeat sound here was a celebration that they’d made it through the most difficult years of their lives, and a spit in the face of those who’d done them wrong.

The teller of rural American tales, the indie legend, the teen-whisperer himself. John Darnielle, long past his early lo-fidelity home recordings and now backed by a full band, loses none of the heart his songs are famous for. The theme of the album, taken straight from John’s childhood when the pro wrestling on TV offered an escape from his abusive stepfather, is complemented by the country and Tex-Mex flavouring to the instrumentation. Some of the best lyrics in his long career infuse the stories of wrestlers with universal meaning - his characters try, fail, lose hope, reckon with their mediocrity, and when they step into the ring they’re up against all the adversity life can throw at them. John Darnielle’s saying that when that happens, you stand up and sock back.

Folk music was always a major part of the Scandinavian black metal scene during its peak years, so when American musicians began exploring the genre naturally they incorporated American styles of folk. The complex, oppressive and sometimes hellish compositions here, starkly contrasted with bluegrass that sounds straight from the campfire circle, give the impression of life in the uncharted woods of the American frontier, in the middle of a brutally cold winter. Almost unbelievably, one-man-band Austin Lunn plays every instrument on the album: multiple guitar parts, bass and drums as well as banjo, fiddle, and woodwinds.

Andy Stott seems to delight in making his music as unnerving, haunting, perhaps even scary, as possible. The female vocals these songs are built around become ghostly, echoing and overlapping themselves disorientingly. The percussion, audibly resembling metal clanging, rustling or rattling in the distance, is often left to stand for its own, creating a tense space it feels like something should be filling. UK-based club and dub music can be felt influencing the grimy almost-but-not-quite danceable rhythms here, but the lo-fi recording and menacing vibe makes this feel like a rave at some sort of dimly lit abandoned factory.

There’s so much Mad Max in this album you can just picture it being set to images of freights burning across the desert. True to its title, the nine songs on Nonagon Infinity roll into each other as if part of one big perpetual composition, with the end looping back seamlessly to the start and musical motifs cropping up both before and after the song they form the base of. With its fuzzy, raw sound, bluesy harmonica and wild whooping, the Gizz create a truly rollicking rock’n’roll experience. The band would go on to release 5 albums within twelve months a year later, but Nonagon shows these seven Australian madmen at the height of their powers.

Sometimes you just want to listen to fun, hyperactive pop. The spirit of 8-bit video game soundtracks and snappy pop punk come together to create a vividly digital world of sound that seems to celebrate the worldliness, connectivity and shiny neon colours of early 2010s internet culture and social media. The up-pitched vocals and general auditory mania recall firmly Online musical trends like nightcore and vocaloid, while the beats pulse away, compelling you to dance like this is a house party and the best playlist ever assembled is on. It demands to be listened to at night with headphones, in a room lit only by your laptop screen.

“You hate everyone. To you everyone’s either a moron, or a creep or a poser. Why do you suddenly care about their opinion of you?” “Because I’m shallow, okay?! … I want them to like me.”

The fact that that Malcolm In The Middle quote is sampled at the emotional climax of this record should give some idea to the absurdity that defines Brave Little Abacus. It’s not even the only sample from the show on here. And yet the passion and urgency so evident in Adam Demirjian’s lispy singing and the band’s nostalgia-inducing, even cozy, melodies are made to stir feelings. The tearjerker chords and guitar progressions are so distinctive of emo bands with that special US-midwest melancholia, and they are interspersed with warm ambiance and playful sound effects ripped from TV and video games, seemingly vintage throwbacks to a sunny childhood. Demirjian’s lyrics, yelled out as if through tears or in the middle of a panic attack, verge on word salad in their abstraction, but that’s not the point: you can feel his small town loneliness and sense the trips he’s spent lost on memory lane. The combined effect all adds to Just Got Back’s themes of adolescence and the trauma of leaving it. While legendary in certain internet communities for this album and their 2009 masterpiece Masked Dancers, the band remains obscure to wider audiences.

These Danish punks know how to convey emotion through their raw and dramatic songs. Elias Rønnenfelt’s vocal presence and charisma cannot be ignored: his husky voice drawls, at times breaks, gasps for breath, builds up the deeply impassioned, intense force behind his words. The band sounds free and wild, unrestrained by a tight adherence to tempo, often speeding up, slowing down or straying from the vocals within the same song, as if playing live. Instrumentally the command over loud and quiet, tension and release, accentuates the vocals in crafting the album’s pace. Horns and saloon pianos throughout give the feel of a performance in a smoky, underground blues bar, with Rønnenfelt swaying onstage as he howls the romantic, distraught, heartbroken lyrics he truly believes in.

At some point on first listening to Death Grips, a thought along the lines of “He really yells like this the whole way through, huh?” probably crosses the mind. When Exmilitary first appeared, quietly uploaded to the internet, the rapper’s name and identity unknown, another likely reaction among listeners might have been “What am I even listening to?” But perhaps more revolutionary than Death Grips’ incredibly aggressive sound and style might have been its foreshadowing of how over the next decade underground rap acts would explode into the mainstream through viral songs, online word of mouth and memes. It showed all you needed to come from nowhere to the top of the game was to seize attention, and it did that and far more. MC Ride’s intoxicatingly crass, intense rapping captures the energy of a mosh pit where injuries happen, the barrage of sensations of a coke high, while the eclectic mix of rock and glitchy electronics on the instrumentals is disorienting in the best way. If rap were rock and this was 1977, Death Grips would have just invented punk. Ride’s lyrics paint a confrontational, hyper-macho persona; unlike much hip hop braggadocio, the overwhelming impression given is that Ride truly does not care what anyone thinks. He just goes hard and does not stop. It’s music to punch the wall to.

Inspired by classic rock operas, this concept album represents some major ambition and innovation in musical storytelling. Delivered in frontman Damian Abraham’s gravelly shouted vocals, the complex lyrical narrative of the album follows a factory worker, an activist and their struggle against the omnipotent author (Abraham himself) who controls their fates. Featuring devices like unreliable narrators and fourth-wall breaking, it takes some serious reading into to untangle. But it’s the bright guitarwork, combining upbeat punk rock and indie to create some killer riffs, that gives the album its furious energy and cinematic proportions.

Joanna Newsom is enchanted by the past. Like 2006’s ambitious Ys, the music on Divers makes this evident with its invocation of Western classical and medieval music, throwing antiquated instruments like clavichords together with lush string orchestration, woodwinds, organs, folk guitar and Newsom’s signature harp. With her soulful, moving vocals leading the way, it’s hard not to imagine her as some kind of Renaissance-era country woman contemplating nature, love and mortality in the fields and the woods. As always Newsom proves herself a stunningly original and creative arranger with the sheer compositional intricacy and flow of these songs, and most of all the harmonious intertwining of singing and instrumental backing.

Burial’s music is born from the London night: the bustle of the streets, the faint sounds from distant raves, the buskers, the rain on bus windows. This EP’s dreamlike quality makes listening to it feel like taking a trip across the city well after midnight, watching the lights go by, with no idea where you hope to get to. Every single sound and effect on these two songs is so precisely chosen, from the shifting and shuffling beats, the swelling synths and wordless vocals that sound like a club from a different dimension, the ambient hiss and pop of a vinyl record. Musically this sound is drawn from UK-based scenes like 2-step and drum ‘n bass, but twisted into such a moody and abstracted form as to be nearly unrecognisable as dubstep. Just when this urban, dismal sound is at its most oppressive, heavenly soul singers or organs cut through like a ray of light in the dark.

There’s an imaginary rulebook of how construct music, how to properly make tempos and combinations of notes sound harmonious, and Gorguts have spent their career ripping it up and throwing it in the bin. On 1998’s seminal Obscura, their atonal experimentation sounded at times like random noises in random order. But listen closely to Obscura or Colored Sands, their return after a long hiatus, and the method behind the madness emerges. One mark of great death metal is that it’s impossible to predict what direction it will go even a few seconds in advance, and the band achieves this while presenting a heavy, slow, momentous sound. The density of inspired riffs, and the intricate balancing of loud and quiet, fast and slow paced throughout these songs are exceptional. In instrumental sections the guitars will echo out as if across a barren plane, then the song will build up to the momentum of a freight train. Behind the crashing and twisting walls of guitar the patterns of blast beat drumming are almost mathematical in nature. Luc Lemay’s harsh bellows sound like a warlord’s cry or a pure expression of rage to the void. It’s threatening, menacing, unapproachable, but it all makes sense in the end.

Futuristic yet deeply retro, Blank Banshee’s music takes vaporwave beyond its roots in the pure consumerist parody of artists like Vektroid and James Ferraro and makes it actually sound amazing. Songs are built out of a single vocal snippet processed beyond recognition, new agey synthesisers, Windows XP-era computer noises, hilariously out of place instruments, all set to the 808 bass and hi-hats of hip-hop style beats. The genre’s pioneers intentionally sucked the soul from their music using samples pulled from 70s and 80s elevators, infomercials and corporate lounges - here the throwback seems to be to the early 2000s childhood of the internet, and the influence of a time when email and forums were revolutionary can be felt. The effect of this insanity is an album that whirls by like a techno-psychedelic haze: the atmosphere of dark trap beats places you squarely in a 2013 studio one moment, the next you’re surrounded by relaxing midi pianos and humming that a temple of new age practitioners would meditate to. Still, at some point when listening to this album, perhaps when the ridiculous steel drums kick in near the end, you realise that this is all to some degree a joke, and a funny one. It’s hard to overstate what an entertaining half-hour this thing is.

While 2012’s Good Kid, m.a.a.d City presented a movie in album form of Kendrick’s childhood and early adult years, TPAB’s journey is one of personal growth, introspection, and nuanced examination of the state of race in post-Ferguson America. It’s simultaneously the Zeitgeist for the US in 2015 and a soul-search in the therapist’s office. Sounding deeply vulnerable, he openly discusses depression, alcoholism, religion and feelings of helplessness. The White House and associated gangstas on the cover give some idea to the album’s political themes, with Lamar contrasting Obama’s presidency to the political powerlessness and lifelong ghetto entrapment of millions of black Americans. Everything I’ve written about the lyrics here really only scratches the surface because the words here are substantive, complex and dense with meaning. Near enough every bar can be analysed for multiple meanings and interpretations, essays can and have been written on the overall work, anything less does not do justice. The musical versatility on display is astounding: the album acts as an extravaganza of African-American music, from smooth west coast G-funk to east coast grit, neo-soul and rock to beat poetry, and most of all jazz. Like an expertly laid character arc the record progresses through its ideas in such a way that they’re all impactful, with the slurred rapping imitating a depressed drunken stupor followed later by exuberant, defiant cries of “I love myself!”, the white-hot rage against police brutality balanced by the hopeful mantra: “do you hear me, do you feel me, we gon be alright”. Perhaps the most culturally significant album of the 2010s and an essential piece of the hip-hop canon.

This harrowing hour chronicles the struggles and everyday tragedy of a series of characters and their relationship with the city they live in, narratively driven by some outstandingly poetic lyrics. Jordan Dreyer’s wordy tales despair at the poverty, gang violence and urban decay in the band’s native Grand Rapids, Michigan, an almost childlike open-hearted naivete in his words as he empathises with the broken and alienated people in these songs. There’s no jaded sneer or sly lesson to be learned as he sings about the child killed by a stray bullet or the homebird left alone after all their friends move away, just genuine second-hand sadness and a dream that compassion and community will eventually heal the pain. Taking elements from bands like At the Drive-In’s fusion of punk and progressive, and mewithoutyou’s shout-sung vocals, La Dispute hones its sound to a razor edge to put fierce instrumental power behind the lyrics. Not an easy listen, but a sharply written songbook and a perfect execution on its concept.

Around 2008, Joanna Newsom met comedian Andy Samberg. Within a year, their relationship was becoming the basis upon which the poetry of Have One on Me was spun. Newsom’s lyrics, exploring her relationship with her future-husband, nature, death, spirituality, are above all else loving. Through her warm and vibrant voice, at times an operatic trill and in others deeply soulful, she expresses the joy of love for another, the peace and earthly connection of her beloved pastoral lifestyle, deeply affecting melancholy and grief. Contemplative, artful, genuine or expressive: every lyric in every sweet melody is used to offer her ruminations on life or overflowings of passion.

More so than her previous and next albums, the feel of the album is of not just a folkloric past but also the present day, with drums, substantial brass and string arrangements, and even electric guitar anchoring the sound to Newsom’s real, not imaginary, life in the 21st century. Yet songs here with moods or settings evoking simpler lifestyles and the women living them in 1800s California or the Brontës’ English moors still have a universal relevance. Whether rooted in past of present, the instrumental variety of these compositions, from classical solo piano, grand orchestral arrangements led by harp, to the twang of country guitars or intricate vocal harmonising, makes it apparent that this is the work of a master songwriter in full command of well over a dozen talented musicians. Ultimately, what makes this my favourite album of the decade is that, very simply, it is one stunningly beautiful song after another, all collated into a cohesive 2-hour portrait of Newsom’s soul.

[squaredcirclesirens]

Lufisto Announces Retirement

After 22 years in the business “The Wounded Owl” Lufisto has announced that she is set to retire this year after finding out that her knee that she injured last week is much more damaged than previously thought.

Lufisto took to her official facebook account and wrote the following:

This is a long one… Please bear with me.This is a long one… Please bear with me.

I didn’t think I would write all this tonight but, here we are… So last week, I fell down the stairs (idiot!) and I sprained my right knee. It was definitely nothing major when you think about it as I have seen a lot worst in the past 22 years. However, I didn’t expect that this little injury would reveal a bigger problem.

In the past years, the same knee felt weird and sometimes weak but nothing alarming. I ignored aches and pains… Such behavior comes with being a professional wrestler from my generation.

Yes, it makes me sound old (well, I just turned 39) but back in my days, when you were injured, you didn’t talk about it. Being the only girl around and wrestling the boys, it was even worst. I just couldn’t mention anything about being in pain. If I did, you can be sure I would hear things such as “just a girl; she don’t belong; look at this weak moron or what a pussy!” So, when I hurt my knee back in 2002, I got it cleaned up and went back in the ring only 2 months after the surgery. I had no time to wait a year to reconstruct everything. I couldn’t say I was hurt and I wanted to prove wrong everyone who doubted me and laughed at me for wanting to be an equal to my male colleagues. Courageous or stupid? Today, I would say the latter. Different times, I guess.

Truth is that I’ve been wrestling with an empty knee since then… No ACL, MCL or meniscus, just bones. So you can only imagine what was going on in there. Looking back, I have to admit that somewhere deep inside, I knew I was on borrowed time… It just lasted a lot longer than anyone could have predicted.

When the orthopedist looked at my x-rays this past Monday, there were no breaks… But it really didn’t look good. There is so much arthrosis, or another name for osteoarthritis. What it means is that, because of the extreme wear and tear, my cartilage is deteriorating. The joint looks like an 80 years old knee. Things could get a lot worst if I don’t do anything about it. One thing is for sure though. I will need a full knee replacement before I’m 50, way sooner if I keep going the way I do. It could also affect my ability to walk and perform regular day to day activities. And it hurts. It’s been hurting for a while.

A part of me has always hoped that the sweat, blood, scars and the thousands of tears would pay off. So, I was fighting through the pain. You make bad decisions for a dream sometimes…The pursuit of the dream has also messed with my head and my heart.

Storylines and promos about me being “bitter” and that I was always complaining (even if I knew it was just for “the show”) or interview questions on why I didn’t make it started to be way too heavy on me. Even if it was part of the character, mainly my heel persona, I’ve never been comfortable with the concept. That this hurt me so bad shows you how messed up my mental state it. Why? Because it couldn’t be farther from the truth.

I love wrestling. I love it so much that I fought tooth and nail for respect. I got beat, stretched, called an asshole or a big head because I wanted women to be seen as equals and no, being a manager or valet wasn’t enough for me. I wanted to be a wrestler. That’s all I ever wanted to be. I’m not bitter. I’m heartbroken.

Heartbroken that I didn’t prove wrong all those people who were telling me that I was wasting my time, that I was a loser, that I wouldn’t go anywhere… Today, I feel like they’ve won. I’m grateful for every single opportunity and for all the promoters who let me step into their ring. However, I have that emptiness that there is something missing because I didn’t reach my goal of joining one of the major promotions. No matter how hard I try, it just won’t go away.

I am over sensitive and weak. I’m so tired, all the time. I feel like I’ve been buried alive. I’m there but I’m gasping for air… Therefore, because of my body tells me it can’t go on, because my soul is filled with darkness, because my heart is so heavy that there is no more beauty in anything, I have decided that 2019 would be the last year of LuFisto.

I have canceled many bookings already and might cancel more. There are few places I would love to wrestle at least one more time; opponents that are special to me that I want to share the squared circle with one last time… I’ve already started to sell my gear so if there is anything any of you would like to get as a souvenir, please let me know.

I haven’t decided when and where it’ll all end or against whom. That is something I shall work on in the next few weeks.

39 might be old for wrestling, but there can be many years of happiness ahead if I dedicate myself to something else, find a new passion or rediscover one from the past. I let go so I, as a simple human being, I can smile once again and accept the things I cannot change and control. I’ll leave you all on a quote that explains it all for me…

“Letting go doesn’t mean giving up, but accepting that there are things that cannot be…”

Forever grateful for your love and support, I thank you. LuFisto

Lufisto was inducted into the CZW Hall of Fame earlier this year. She was the first women to participate in the Best of the Best tournament and remains the only woman to ever step into the cage of Death and hold CZW gold when she beat Kevin Steen in 2006 for the CZW IronMan Championship. She has been behind promotions such as Femmes Fatales when it first started as well as ACW ROUGE Women Warriors.

She also has the distinction of being the longest reigning SHINE Champion holding the title for 529 days and having the most title defenses at 15 defenses. She never lost the belt, as she had to forfeit and vacate it due to injury.

She is the first female in the Province of Quebec to win a male championship and also the first woman in Canada to win the main championship of a male promotion.

Not only LuFisto fought in the ring but she also fought for all female wrestlers in Canada by lodging a complaint to the Ontario Human Rights Commission against the Ontario Athletics Commission that prevented women and men from wrestling each other. Not only the OAC would have to drop the regulation but they subsequently dropped the vast majority of the regulations affecting professional wrestling in Ontario.

She is The First Lady of Hardcore… The Innovator of Intergender and we can’t thank her enough for all her contributions to pro wrestling.

website | twitter | tumblr | instagram

[hazyheel]

Smackdown Live 4/9/19 Review

The night started out with a big championship celebration from the New Day. Kofi was showered with you deserve it chants, along with just general Kofi chants. Kingston seemed to be emotional right off the bat, as Xavier Woods and Big E hyped him up to the crowd. Big E even did another split for the crowd, which very much excited them. It was a pretty basic promo, but then they talked about Kingston’s win in a very heartfelt promo. Woods even said that Kingston was one of his heroes. Kofi even slightly broke the fourth wall by saying that his victory was not in the script. Kofi thanked his family, who was there. But then the Bar interrupted, to huge boos. They demanded thanks for causing a DQ last night, because he was going to lose his belt in the first defense. The Bar then challenged New Day to a 6-man tag, with McIntyre as their third. That match will happen later

Grade: B+. Even though it was a basic promo, it was an emotional one. It is still so hard to believe that Kofi Kingston is WWE champion, but it feels so right. His family was there and very happy, Woods and Big E were still emotional too. It was just great. And I was looking forward to the 6-man tag later on.

Speaking of 6-man tags, Ricochet, Aleister Black and Ali took on Rusev, Shinsuke Nakamura and Andrade. It was pretty fast paced and enjoyable. And even the commentators called Ali “Mustafa” at one point. The finishing sequence was awesome, with Ricochet taking out Rusev with a splash off the barricade, only for Nakamura to hit him with the Kinshasa. Black then hit Nakamura off the apron with a Black Mass, only to get hit with a massive back elbow from Andrade. Ali then nailed Andrade with the best reverse rana I have ever seen, and a 450 splash for the win. However, when the match was over, Ali was ambushed with an RKO from Randy Orton, and Kevin Owens attacked Rusev with a stunner. What the hell is happening?

Grade: B. I wasn’t a huge fan of this basic TV match, but the finisher fest in the end was really awesome. Plus, I think 2 feuds were set up? Maybe? Idk, but Orton vs. Ali would be awesome. Fun closing sequence, and just an odd amount of set up for the future.

Backstage, The Usos had a quick interview, congratulating Kingston and then saying that they need to prove they are the best tag team in WWE history by beating the Hardy’s in a championship match later on.

In the ring, R-Truth and Carmella cut a pretty basic Promo to pop the crowd. R-Truth said that Carmella defeated Andre the Giant in the Royal Rumble. It was funny, and Carmella then attributed her face turn to R-Truth. She said her Battle Royal win is just the beginning for her, and she has big things in her future. Samoa Joe then came out, and he attacked R-Truth. Samoa Joe said that he would fight anyone right now, and Braun Strowman responded, and the two attacked each other in a crazy brawl. Joe locked in the Coquina clutch for a bit, but Strowman broke out. Strowman went for the powerslam, but Joe was too heavy and slipped out.

Grade: C+. A little too chaotic for me. Why was R-Truth involved in this? I really don’t know. But Joe vs. Strowman would be really fun, if they only had one match. I can’t really see a series between them being very entertaining, but as an oddball match, it would be fun for a pay per view. Huge match too.

The IIconics then came out for their first title defense of the Women’s Tag Team Championships. They said that they will be fighting champions, and they announced two jobbers, who were supposed to be the best women’s tag team in Brooklyn. Corey kept messing up their names too while saying they were one of the best tag teams in the world, it was funny. The two women were actually really good, selling their ass off for the new champions. 

Grade: C. Average squash match.

Backstage, Paige was watching the the women’s tag match, and announced that next week, she would be bringing in her own tag team. Could be fun to see Paige in a managerial role, she was a great authority figure. I look forward to that.

Next out was Shane McMahon to talk about his victory at Wrestlemania. Shane said that during the match, Mr Miz gave him a black eye, and claimed that beating down George was self defense and nothing more. Shane called himself best in the world, to which the crowd chanted CM Punk. Shane just said “please.” Shane tried to tell Greg Hamilton to give him a great introduction, but Greg simply said that people had threatened him if he called Shane best in the world. Shane was not satisfied, and dragged Greg away by his tie. When they got to the stage,

Grade: F. Stupid promo, weird ass feud, and no plot progression.

Next up, the Smackdown Tag Team Championship match between The Hardy’s and The Usos. The match started out surprisingly quick, with the Hardy’s moret than holding their own with the younger Usos. The crowd was also into this one, probably because of the fast tags. Jeff kicked out of a superkick and then splash, a shocking kickout for a TV match. They went up for the double Uce (how do they spell that.) but Jeff rolled away. Jimmy Was then hit with a twist of Fate and Swanton bomb to win the Smackdown tag team championships. After the match, Lars Sullivan came down to confront them, hitting Jeff with a Freak Accident, Matt with same sort of Powerslam, and a flying headbutt to Matt afterwards.

Grade: B+. Wow, surprising title change, but I am into it. Obviously, the Hardy’s will be around for a while, but if this is to give them one last title reign, I am into it. It was a good match, and the beatdown afterwards was fun too. Some people in the crowd tried to do a “you can’t wrestle” chant. They don’t even know, he is a good wrestler. I look forward to seeing his first feud, because he is shockingly good. They should at least be giving him jobbers soon.

Next up, the Man came out to talk about her win at Wrestlemania. She actually didn’t talk about it much, and then talked about Lacey Evans attacking her. Lynch said that she will still take on all comers for her belts, including Evans. As she was walking out, Evans attacked her again. Evans had the advantage this time, hitting the Woman’s Right and leaving.

Grade: C+. Rehash of yesterday. Still fun to see Lacey finally doing shit again.

And we came to the main event. The New Day vs. The Bar and McIntyre. For some reason, Sami Zayn came out to cut a promo on the crowd, and just said that smackdown wasn’t worth it. Big E and Cesaro had an interesting showdown, ending with Big E on top. Big E did eat a White Noise driver, only for Woods to break it up. However, Kingston got the win after a Trouble in Paradise to Sheamus. Kingston once again celebrated in the ring with his kids. And even his wife.

Grade: D+. Most of this match was during a commercial break, so I could barely see anything. Finishing sequence was kinda interesting, but not much more than that.

Overall Grade: C-

Pros: opening promo; 6-man tag; Smackdown tag team championship match

Cons: Terrible Mcmahon promo; main event; no new debuts

[frankbelloriley]

top ten wrasslin’ matches of 2018

So before I get into this, I’m gonna lay down some ground rules--well, more like tell you the rules I gave myself and those rules are 1) did it make me laugh a bunch and forget about how stupid the world is? (which is the basis for every one of these kinds of lists really) 2) would I show this to someone who had never seen wrestling before? and 3) one (1) match per episode/pay-per-view with one (1) exception for a good reason With that in mind, I’m going to get some honorable mentions out of the way:

Kazuchika Okada vs Tetsuya Naito for the IWGP Heavyweight Championship, Kenny Omega vs Chris Jericho for the IWGP US Championship, and the Fatal Four Way for the IWGP Jr. Heavyweight Championship between Marty Scurll, KUSHIDA, Hiromu Takahashi, and Will Ospreay from Wrestle Kingdom 12-- they’re all really good and fun and worth checking out, but another Wrestle Kingdom 12 match is going on this list

The other two Chris Jericho NJPW matches versus Tetsuya Naito and EVIL--not on this list literally only due to the “one match per ppv” rule, but they’re all very fun, Chris Jericho is delightfully dickish and you should watch them in order to see Chris Jericho become a progressively more goth dad (he out gothed a dude named “EVIL” (all caps theirs, not mine) that’s how goth Chris Jericho got)

As much as it pains me and as much as it is a testament to what good wrestling there was in 2018, none of the Johnny Gargano-Tommaso Ciampa matches (1, 2, 3, which I can’t find online and whatever) are on this list (my favorite is probably their second match), and neither is Velveteen Dream-Tommaso Ciampa which rips (can I interest you in a fight between a Prince inspired wrassler who refers to himself in the third person and whose act became a giant subtweet of Hulk Hogan against just the biggest asshole in the world?). There is only one Johnny Gargano match on here, and if I’m writing a list of the best character arcs in 2018, the list goes Gargano’s redemption only to succumb to the dark side, Kazuchika Okada’s existential crisis after losing the championship, and Becky Lynch becoming The Man in that order. Becky’s arc really only started four-five months ago and much of it was spent by creative trying and utterly failing to get the crowd to boo her, and Okada’s arc was, by design, slow and frustrating after he lost the championship, but Gargano basically started the year as Luke Skywalker getting his hand cut off and ended the year as Kylo Ren yelling at a ghost on the salt planet, with every character turn making sense. It’s fascinating.

Speaking of, no Aleister Black-Johnny Gargano at NXT War Games 2 match which might be as pure a classic wrestling story as there is, second only to the Gargano match that is actually on here. (In real life, Aleister Black hurt his leg, so in story, they explained it that he got attacked in the parking lot by an unknown person, so the mystery of who attacked him would go on for months (coincidentally the same amount of time it would take someone to recover from an injury like Aleister Black’s) until Johnny Gargano fessed up to the act by kicking him in the face, so now Aleister is seeking justice. Wrestling is delightfully extra.

Becky Lynch vs. Charlotte Flair vs Asuka TLC match for the Smackdown Women’s Championship (no link, couldn’t find)-- whew (not “woo” in this house we boo the woo) Asuka was finally Asuka again (her first and last ppv matches in 2018 (this and against Charlotte at Wrestlemania) are super great and everything else is super not), Becky Lynch continued being the actual greatest, and I literally do not know how Charlotte Flair did not end up in the hospital after this. It’s not making the list for how the match ends in bullshit fashion even though it ends perfectly in character with consistent story logic (a pleasant fucking surprise from WWE especially considering, again, the rest of Asuka’s year)

None of the Shayna Baszler-Kairi Sane matches (can’t find NXT Takeover Brooklyn 4, but I found Evolution and NXT War Games II) (NXT was really good this year), which is a shame because all of which are great, but my personal favorite is on Evolution, and another match beats it out. As I’m writing out the list, I realized there aren’t a bunch of women’s matches, but that’s because WWE’s creative ideas for its women’s division was garbage until the Becky Lynch turn happened in August and got a crowd reaction they super didn’t want and tried to change until they were finally forced them to lean into it. However, Evolution was easily the best main roster WWE ppv.

Nothing from All In literally only because that show is for Wrestling Fans, and this list is supposed to be a “if you’ve never watched wrestling in your life” list. All In is good good fun, but if you show it to someone who’s never seen wrestling before, they’re gonna ask why are there dick druids, and you’re gonna have to explain that Joey Ryan, a dude who wrestles with his dick, came back to life after being murdered and the number one suspect was the guy from Arrow (really). Get into wrestling, then watch that PPV.

Good god, that’s a lot of honorable mentions. Anyway:

10. Seth Rollins vs. Kevin Owens, an open Intercontinental Championship Challenge on Monday Night RAW, August 27th - this is just a really fun wrestling match between two talented guys who were stuck in other feuds that were prolonged needlessly in 2018, and it was just fun to see these guys branch out, do something different, and tear the house down against each other like, “oh yeah, these two are really good at what they do, I almost forgot.”

9. Andrade Cien Almas vs. AJ Styles - Smackdown Live on September 18--Like Kevin Owens and Seth Rollins, AJ Styles was stuck in bad storylines that meant to make him look like a strong champion but ended up making him look like a plot armored goober. Here we have the story of the cocky upstart Almas taking the veteran champion Styles to his absolute limit with a finish that is smooth as hell.

8. Hiromu Takahashi vs. Will Ospreay, IWGP Jr. Heavyweight Championship at NJPW Dominion on June 9th - Spoiler for the number two entrant but this is where I’m breaking the “one per ppv rule” because Hiromu Takahashi has a broken neck and no one knows if he’ll ever wrestle again, so this might be his swan song. (He doesn’t break his neck in this match, I wouldn’t introduce him like that) These are two dudes who flip with zero caution to themselves with some incredible flippy shit. Watch it and pray for Hiromu to make a full recovery.

7. Six Man Ladder Match for the NXT North American Championship with Adam Cole, Ricochet, Velveteen Dream, EC3, Killian Dane, and Lars Sullivan - Okay, so, about this. Excepting Killian Dane and maybe Lars Sullivan, everyone here has had a better match elsewhere this year (Lars probably had a better match against Keith Lee, Adam Cole had his best match against Ricochet, Ricochet and EC3 had their best matches against Velveteen Dream, and Velveteen Dream had his best match against Tommaso Ciampa), but everyone gets a moment to shine here, and this is the NXT introduction of Ricochet who is basically a flippy videogame cheat code who is made out of some sort of alien substance. At one point the two large men Lars Sullivan and Killian Dane toss Ricochet across the ring to each other like they’re playing fucking catch. It’s hilarious and maybe the fifth most insane thing that happens here. If someone was to come up to me like, “I know nothing about wrestling, what should I watch to find out if I like it?” I would probably show them this.

6. Kenny Omega vs. Tomohiro Ishii,  G1 Tournament Match - I’m laughing just thinking about this match. I don’t think anyone would call Tomohiro Ishii the best wrestler in the world, but I love him with my heart. Kenny too, but a boyish giggle comes out of me every time Tomohiro no sells someone slapping the utter shit out of him and he says (presumably) something like “that it?!” (I’m a fan of this gif of Pete Dunne slapping a no-selling Tomohiro for Pete Dunne shaking his hand afterwards. Physical comedy!). Anyway, the story here is Kenny Omega has gone 6-0 in this tournament, Ishii (who he has a competitive history with) has gone 0-6 in the tournament, so Kenny takes him for granted and when he realizes his opponent won’t go down that easily, it’s too late. It’s quick, it’s fast paced, and very fun.

5. Meiko Satomura vs Mercedes Martinez, Mae Young Classic Quarterfinals - I had no idea who these women were before the Mae Young Classic, but I loved Meiko with her first match in it, while Mercedes was just, you know, fine. But this? Wheeew. Two veterans giving it their all, and if you don’t turn into a Michael Scott crying gif after when they show each other respect, we ain’t the same.

4. Johnny Gargano vs Andrade Cien Almas, NXT Takeover: Philadelphia -  Going with this one because it’s the most newbie friendly match, it kicks off Johnny Gargano’s year storyline at the finish, and Andrade Cien Almas is really really good at his job. It’s a simple “good guy versus arrogant heel” match, and Andrade comes out to a masked mariachi band as his entrance.

3. Kota Ibushi vs Cody Rhodes, Wrestle Kingdom 12 - there are probably better matches from Wrestle Kingdom 12 but this is my list so fuck you but this is the match where pro wrestling finally clicked with me after starting to watch it because of GLOW. Folks, this is a 20 minute Jackie Chan fight with Kota as the daffy Jackie Chan-like hero and Cody as Anime Biff Tannen. It is fast, has some wild acrobatics, and it is funny as hell.

2. Kazuchika Okada vs Kenny Omega, 2/3 Falls Match for the IWGP Heavyweight Championship (Part 1, Part 2), NJPW Dominion on June 9th - If the last one was a comedy, this is an epic. This thing last an hour and a half, and it goes by in a flash. The entire Okada-Omega series is basically wrestling’s Lord of the Rings, and this is its Return of the King. The only reason it’s not number one because of the match’s lack of follow through in the months since, but man, this is great.

1. Becky Lynch vs Charlotte Flair, Last Woman Standing Match at Evolution (start at 29:45 then watch the end here)- *types then deletes a bunch of unintelligible vowels* Okay, so this is the first match that really took advantage of the NXT Horsewomen since their call up in a good long while and it rules. I’d say Bayley, Sasha Banks, Charlotte Flair, and Becky Lynch had been given nothing for 2018 until August, but “nothing” would be a step up in some cases *cough* group therapy *cough* *cough* Nia Jax injuring every single one of them plus others and the only reason she still has a job is that she’s The Rock’s cousin *cough* Charlotte had her Wrestlemania match against Asuka, but this? This is mean, this is rough, this is the story of a girl, no this is the story of two former friends wanting to throw the other through a table. When pro wrestling is bad, it’s “what the fuck am I doing with my life watching this shit” bad, and when it’s good, there is nothing like it. This is the latter (not the ladder, but there are those here).

[fcablog]

Flashback Friday: Survivor Series 1997

Welcome to the 1st installment of Pay-Per-Views from the past. I figured we start off with a bang because today marks the 21st anniversary of the Montreal Screwjob. In the previous article I wrote, The New Golden Age Of Pro Wrestling, I mentioned that we probably are in a new “Golden Era” in the world of pro wrestling. Well many people might agree that the Montreal Screwjob was the spark that started the fire in pro wrestling’s last “Golden Era”. Many fans looked to this PPV as the start of WWE’s Attitude Era so why not review this infamous PPV. 

(SN:Off the bat, I have to mention that the cold open video package done before the show was beautifully done, but WWE video editing team has done great work for years. They manage to get this right every time especially during the Attitude Era) 

Date: November 9, 1997

Location: Molson Centre in Montreal, Quebec, Canada

(C)=Champion

Italics= Winner

Match 1: The Godwinns (Henry O. Godwinn and Phineas I. Godwinn) and The New Age Outlaws (Billy Gunn and Road Dogg) VS. The Headbangers(Mosh and Thrasher) and The New Blackjacks (Blackjack Bradshaw and Blackjack Windham) // 

So the 1st thing I noticed is that there is a French ring announcer by the name of  Albert DeFrusia. As much as I remember about this PPV, I completely forgot about this guy and the choice of having a French ring announcer for this particular PPV is a genius move by WWE.

 So the thing that I’ve always counted on the talent of the Attitude Era to provide some pretty funny moments and of course the Road Dogg delivers. He cuts a promo saying that his team is here to deliver some “Southern Justice” and referred to their opponents, The Headbangers and The New Blackjacks, as “steers & qu**rs” which is an old insult that has been used to describe Texans. It’s a solid insult for a heel. It’s funny because his tag team partner, Billy Gunn, is billed from Austin, Texas and is wearing a crop top with the Texas state flag on it (did I mention that Sam Houston State University is Billy Gunn’s alma mater).

This was crazy to me because until the final elimination, this was a good 15-minute showcase of some great wresting. Jim Ross mentioned in commentary that Mosh was a former collegiate wrestler and it showed. 

It got wild when Bradshaw got eliminated because he was pinned by a roll-up, but I’m not sure if he knew it was a 3-count.

The New Age Outlaws get the win using shenanigans to allow Billy Gunn to hit a guillotine leg drop on Thrasher to become the Sole Survivors

Match 2: The Truth Commission (The Interrogator, The Jackyl, Recon and Sniper) VS The Disciples of Apocalypse (8-Ball, Chainz, Crush and Skull) //  4-on-4 Survivor Series elimination match

I don’t know why, but as much storyline they had going into these 4-on-4 Survivor Series elimination matches, they all felt rushed and at just shy of 10 minutes, this one felt the most rushed

I completely forgot that Bull Buchanan (B-Squared is his street name) was known as Recon and a part of the Truth Commission.

This match was essentially a showcase for the newest member of the Truth Commission, The Interrogator (b.k.a. Kurrgan).

The Jackyl was eliminated 1st and in true Don Callis-fashion, he joins commentary after his elimination. 

8-Ball & Skull were the originators of “Twin Magic”, not the Bella Twins. It was executed perfectly in this match to eliminate Recon.

The Interrogator eliminated Crush via Sidewalk Slam to become the Sole Survivor.

Match 3: Team Canada (The British Bulldog, Doug Furnas, Jim Neidhart and Phil Lafon) VS Team USA (Goldust, Marc Mero, Steve Blackman and Vader) (with Sable) //  4-on-4 Survivor Series elimination match

The story of this match is the oddball Team USA with the unknown newcomer Steve Blackman, Vader, Goldust & Marc Mero who all apparently got personal problems that get in the way of them winning this match.

Steve Blackman’s lack of experience is the reason why he gets eliminated as he gets caught up in the double team tactics of Furnas & Lafon and get counted out.

After a falling out with Marlena, Goldust comes into this match clearly in the mood not to compete. This isn’t apparent initially, even thought JR & The King bring it up, but it shows once it’s down to him & Vader. He doesn’t wanna come into the match and Vader smacks the crap out of him for not wanting to participate. This ticks Goldust off and he elminates himself which ultimately cost his team the match.

While Vader was focused on eliminating Doug Furnas, British Bulldog resorts to dirty tactics by grabbing the ring bell while the ref was distracted and struck Vader with it to get the pinfall and the win for his team thus becoming the Sole Survivor.

Match 4: Kane VS Mankind

The video package prior to the match did a great job of showing what led to this match.

This was a match that clearly meant to get Kane super over as a monster. He put Mankind through the announcer table and beat the crap out of him. Mankind got little offense in. Kane dominated and got the win

The fan signs butchering the spelling of Kane’s name cracked me up!

Match 5: Ken Shamrock, Ahmed Johnson and The Legion of Doom (Animal and Hawk) VS The Nation of Domination (Faarooq, D'Lo Brown, Kama Mustafa and Rocky Maivia)  //  4-on-4 Survivor Series elimination match

This 4-on-4 Survivor Series elimination match didn’t feel that rushed as the others. This had a lot story built into this as The Nation had been a problem for the other team in the weeks leading up to this event.

10 year-old me would be disappointed in know that I wasn’t a fan of Ahmed Johnson anymore. I saw this match and I was reminded why. His in-ring work is kinda sloppy. I still wanna know who’s idea was it to give him thigh pads.

I noticed that the Rock Bottom hadn’t received it’s proper name yet (I think) because the announcers never said it when he hit the move. 

I forgot how over AF Ken Shamrock was at this time. He got a huge pop when he came to the ring and when the realization kicked in that we was outnumbered, the crowd got right behind him quick and it looked like he was feeding off that energy.

Shamrock was able to make D’Lo Brown & The Rock tapped to the ankle lock to become the Sole Survivor and the crowd exploded.

Match 6: Intercontinental Championship -Stone Cold Steve Austin VS Owen Hart (C)

There was a botch on Austin’s entrance. Only half the glass shattered.

The Slammy Award winner version of Owen Hart was peak Owen Hart. The “Owen 3:16, I just broke your neck” was amazing.

JIm Neidhart tried to interfere before the match and caught a Stunner for his troubles.

Austin clearly wanted to make this match a brawl and Owen was willing to give him one.

This was truly the Attitude Era as both guys resort to some heelish tactics to win the match. Austin wins with a eye rake that leads to a Stunner to win the IC Championship. After the match, he gave Stunners to Furnas & Lafon for charging the ring

Match 7: WWF Championship - Shawn Michaels VS Bret Hart (C)

The vast majority of y’all know how this ends, but the build up to the finish was phenomenal. From the ring entrances to Bret Hart beating the crap out of Shawn in the crown to both men choking each other with the Quebec flag, this was epic. The backstage politics ruined a great match by two of the best talents in the history of the WWE. This match should have been an instant classic akin to their Wrestlemania XII match 18 months prior. 

Overall, I gotta give this PPV 8.5/10 rating. That crowd was amazing. The Survivor Series elimination matches felt kinda rushed, but were solid. All the singles matches lived up to the build up even though the main event had a crappy finish. Who would have known how important that finish was 21 years ago. Without that finish, we would never got the Mr. McMahon character. As disappointed as I was back then, I’m satisfied now because what we got was probably a period in pro wrestling that will never be duplicated and the most exciting time for me as a fan growing up. Send me a message letting me know what you think about Survivor Series 1997. What did you think of the PPV? Let your opinions be heard. 

[fantroll-purgatory]

Kilius Koplan

I’ve been saving this boy up.

@ancientvacation usual disclaimer that I don’t have a lot to say besides oooh and ahhhh

Alternian OC

Name:Kilius Koplan - Kilius comes from Achilleus, also known as Achilles, one of the great Greek heroes. It also sounds close to ‘Kleos’, a Greek concept of glory. Koplan is from Adam Copeland, the real name of the wrestler Edge, who’s finishing move is The Spear, the same characteristic weapon of Achilleus.

Also indicates he might have a soft spot somewhere…

Strife Specibus:

grapplekind/2xspearkind - The spear is a common weapon for ancient Greek heroes to use. Furthermore, The Spear was the name of Adam ‘Edge’ Copeland’s finisher. He uses two as to be like a pair of beetle pincers. He mainly uses grapplekind as it’s what he’s trained the most in, but aspires to finally use his ancestor’s spears passed down to him, so he always keeps the card on him as a little bit of motivation.

Fetch Modus:Apronmodus - Kilius stows and fetches things from underneath a curtain-like structure, much like how foreign objects are taken from under a wrestling ring. This means that he can use the underside of his kilt as a kind of hammerspace. It’s very silly.

hlkgjkaerhwr yeah it is! I love it so much.

Blood color:He’s an Indigoblood. The hex I use for his text is #0021bc whereas his blood, symbol and blood-coloured garments are a darker shade. I kinda run with the HC that there are set colours for each blood caste, but individual trolls type darker or lighter than those colours as a personal thing.

I think that tracks especially given that Equius used a markedly different text color than his blood color.

Symbol and meaning:Kilius’ symbol has gone through an evolution. The symbol I used for the longest time was the Hercules constellation, mainly because of it being a heroic figure and tying to him nicely. After the EZ came out, I redesigned a lot of aspects of my trolls, most importantly their symbols. As such, I recreated the Hercules symbol using the sign language of the Indigo caste. If I had to give it a name, I’d use Hercinius. The symbol also resembles a Greek pillar, which is neat.

Oh man yeah I love that.

Trolltag: perfectPankrator - A pankrator is just to describe someone who takes part in pankration, a gladiatorial style of combat where physical attacks with the use of punches and kicks are emphasised. Perfect is just to show Kilius’ ego and ‘better than you’ attitude. Instead of the negative words often found in trolltags, Kilius uses a positive one to stand as some kind of paragon to other trolls, fulfilling more ego-wankery.

Quirk:He replaces [hH] with ’]~[’ as to represent his symbol. Kilius’ ego would certainly lend him to shoehorn his symbol in wherever possible. As for his tone of voice he’s actually pretty verbose, but doesn’t use large words all that much. His kind of verbose is just being able to talk for ages and ages. He has a kind of mental rhythm when he speaks and isn’t averse to using spur of the moment rhymes. This is mainly to evoke the kind of promos popular in pro wrestling as well as thematically fit with the poems of the ancient world.

Design:I wanted to get a good fusion of Ancient Greek aesthetics along with modern professional wrestling outfits. So he wears a singlet, elbow and kneepads, and ring boots to represent the former, and over his singlet, a kilt commonly worn by ancient warriors, and atop his head rests his headband. His hair is meant to be a kind of unkempt curly mass, and his missing tooth is a reference to Chris Benoit, who I recommend not googling because it’s a nice day. The face plaster is mainly meant to exhibit a kind of roughboy demeanour.

“Don’t google it” you say, to a person who definitely googled it and now wishes they didn’t and has to pass the warning on to others. (note: it’s not just a minor thing it’s a major thing and will probably take you to a dark place)

Special Abilities (if any):Winning Smile. (Joking.)

Lusus: A rare lusus, the Bipedal Musclebeetle, named Beeteokles. His species have strong fatherly instincts, and Beeteokles in particular is doing his best to teach Kilius in the ways of the Palaestria, combat, and traditions. Which is impressive considering he has no mouth or discernible way of communication other than Beetle skrees and rhythmic flexing. His picture is a little inaccurate, as he should have the head of a Hercules beetle instead. His relationship to Kilius is meant to evoke the strong presence fathers played in Ancient Greek epics, as mentors and goals for their sons.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. I fucking love this and I have an addition because I’m still playing with the idea that indigobloods have hooved lusii so consider keeping everything the same except to change his lower half to a minotaur bottom. Oh my god I love this beetleman holy shit

Personality: Kilius is a pretty great guy to be honest. He doesn’t hold himself to modern-day hemorelations, instead finding solace in working off the ancient values taught to him by his lusus, more or less. He’s open and friendly to most, if not a little much to digest all at once. He often invites people back to his hive, all even before learning their name or where they came from. This is supposed to tie into the Ancient Greek value of ‘Xenia’, where a person is expected to be a good host to visitors, most of all strangers, and for visitors to behave properly when in a host’s home. This also ties into my interpretation of Kilius as a Knight ‘serving’ others in a sense by being such a good host.

However, Kilius may be friendly but he certainly isn’t a pushover. He’s up for a scrap or brawl often, and getting into arguments with him often results in the other party just letting things slide with how bizarre arguing with Kilius can get. He’s a very physical person, often acting on a whim, with enough cunning and battle training to be able to formulate plans under pressure. He’s also kind of a glory-hound, his acting on a whim for some more prestige often bites him in the ass, not that it dissuades him from trying some more.

He can be irritating to be around, as he can seem like he’s not taking things too seriously or genuinely. If met with someone who actively dislikes him and lets him know, Kilius will take it as an opportunity to gussy it up and make some long poetic speech about the fire of their rivalry or such. Going from his poeticism, that’s also a big part of Kilius. He has a flair for the dramatic, developed from both instincts and the theatrical nature of wrestling. He’s very well-read, so long as they’re either ancient epics or professional wrestling annuals.

Any other ideas or such would be appreciated!

I…I actually have one because you went and named him after goddamn Achilles. This dude could be a classical wrestler by day…and a heel by night! He could especially play up being the big, bad indigoblood beating up on the poor, defenseless lowbloods. He’s got the extra strength at hsi advantage and he plays dirty??? How dare he??? It’s a fun little contrast to his at-home personality and may get him some shit even when he’s out of the ring!

Interests: Wrestling, surprisingly. It’s his main hobby, passion and potential career in the fleet if he works hard enough. His passion for the classical world, which I’m not even gonna begin to try and explain for Alternia, is another major interest of his, specifically heroes and their glorious adventures.

Other than his two core themes, Kilius doesn’t really go for much else. Fitness is important to him, though that’s mainly to get better at wrestling, and epic poetry is more of the classical stuff. Some ideas would be helpful, as whilst his themes are strong and handy, I don’t want him to just be the wrestling and classics troll lol.

Hm.

I mean modern wrestling is commonly called “soap opera for men,” (whether the folks who watch wrestling like that comparison varies lol) and to tie back to both the classical version and the modern one how about he’s into nice-smelling soaps, classical opera, and soap operas? Gives him a little more dimension, and gives him something to do around the house besides watch wrestling.

Title: Remember, different verbiage and +/- skews. I have Kilius as a Knight of Hope, in that he passively serves others Hope. This kinda ties into how I see pro-wrestling, but I feel it works for Kilius even in the mindscape that Knights actively exploit.

This is kinda where I’m struggling honestly, to properly put into words why he’s a Knight of Hope. I’ll give it a shot, but I’d like to keep the classpect. That being said, I’m open for insight or suggestions/modifications to help him better fit this title or another similar one.

Kilius is kinda caught in an interesting quandary with his classpect. On the one hand, he has very strong beliefs that he has complete commitment to and uses them as a positive force in his life. On the other hand, as a Knight he’s being disingenuous in some form thanks to the mask he adopts for others. In the weirdest sense, Kilius’ mask is himself, that is, the idealised version of himself that he aspires to be, and presents himself as through his speech (the third person thing is a sort of showing of this, a trait that would be dropped as he goes through the revelations and lessons of his character.)

His main struggle is that he’s not living up to the idealised vision he’s made for himself. His mask is like a professional wrestling gimmick, Kilius the brave and bold, flexgrappler champion and future immortalised in epic tales of valour and etc etc. Some larger than life figure that he keeps stoking. He’s essentially made his mask some kind of Platonic form, the ultimate greatest version of him. This is why that he seems like he has it made from outside perspectives as he’s friendly, has conviction, goals, a sweet hive, etc etc.

Ugh, I’m really struggling with this honestly. So long I’ve mainly focused on the abilities part of his classpect, which is stuff like ‘serving’ others his faith in pro-wrestling conventions that he forces them to obey to them. I have a whole post on that which I’ll link here. Sorry if this kinda meanders, but Kilius is an older character of mine, and also one very close and dear to me, so I love the bugger.

Honestly I feel like the powers you gave him would work well regardless of whether he’s a Knight or Page? There’s a pretty fine line between the two.

I feel like maybe the “heel” storyline drives that home even further? Because now that conflict rears its head in multiple ways, both with his “Kilius the brave and strong” persona and the “Kilius the evil indigoblood” one. They’re both these really hamfisted attempts to shoehorn himself into a role that maybe doesn’t fit him all that well. And with the added interests I mentioned above, maybe those are things he keeps really private because they don’t mesh with either of those personas.

And I think I can make the argument even under the Knight verbiage CD and I use because this is a case where he’s so immersed in a profession that’s Hope personified that he’s feeling choked! It’s difficult to grow when you spend so much time doing something that requires you to suspend disbelief so much.

Land:Back when he was a Rage player, ‘The Land of Quakes and Kayfabe’, but since he’s Hope, I think I had ‘Rings’ as one of his words. The idea being that there were Hope-y wrestling rings around the planet, and upon entering them some shit happens. I’m not sure on this lol.

Hmmm. What about Land of Faces and Rings? Obviously referring to faces in wrestling, but the aesthetic could be that of Majora’s Mask-style makss that grant the wearer the abilities related to them upon donning one.

That’s the consort mythology, of course; it’s not actually real. Until Kilius believes it is.

Lots and lots of tournaments, with the promise that upon completing the necessary fights he will be able to reach his denizen. But that’s nonsense! Wrestling goes on forever and plotlines rarely have a conclusion! Kilius needs to will himself to the denizen if he wants to reach them.

Dream Planet:I think Prospit may be a given. Despite his struggles with his heroic fantasies, he IS very get-go and take-charge generally.

D/Ancestor: Kilius’ dancestor is Turnus Koplan. Whilst Kilius represents the Greek ideal of a hero, cunning, individual, glory-seeking, Turnus represents the Roman ideal a little more, in that he’s direct, professional and looks to the group more. That boy is here. Kilius’ ancestor was a great hero, aptly titled as 'The ]~[eroic’ (I love quirk-y ancestor titles). Upon a fall from grace, and enslavement into the gladiatorial rings, he quickly became known under a new name, 'The Crippler’, another reference to Chris Benoit.

Love this dude.

All in all, Kilius is a very special and sentimental fantroll for me, and one that despite working on a lot of stuff for him, hasn’t had much in the way of deeper personality or narrative arc developed. He’s mainly been used for roleplay, which doesn’t exactly support SBURB arcs. Plus I’m a very improvisational person in those types of settings, meaning I can often just roll with random info or ideas for Kilius without thinking about it. Hope you enjoy this boy!

i did! And tbh I think he’s basically good to go? I can’t even think of any redesign suggestions for him.

Thanks for sending him in. I hope the few extra details I provided can help!

TR

[closetofanxiety]

Show Review: Constitution State Wrestling

Last night,  I went down to beautiful Groton, Conn. (”The Nuclear Submarine Capital of the World”) with Mark, Mike, and Joel to see a show put on by an indie promotion that was totally new to us. It was, in many ways, a prototypical Local Indie Experience. Let’s count the ways:

National Anthem

This, in many ways, is the earliest and most significant sign that you’re attending a Local Indie as opposed to a National (For Lack of a Better Term) Indie (the national anthem might be played before a Shindie, too, but that’s another subject entirely). Local indies always make everyone stand up for the national anthem, national indies do not. The local indie maintains, at least in vestigial form, a connection to the idea that this is a sporting event, and sporting events begin with the anthem. In this case, the anthem was a pre-recorded instrumental track, but people clapped after it was over anyway.

Public Venue

Unlike a National Indie, which will be in a bar or a rock club or a private fraternal organization’s event hall or a Catholic church with an absurdly Catholic name (New York City national indies only), the Local Indie show will take place in a high school gym or a town hall or a rec center or some other building they can get with a discounted rental fee because of political connections. In this case: Ella T. Grasso Technical High School, a magnificent example of 1970s brutalist school architecture. It was an air-conditioned gym, though, which you wouldn’t expect on the Connecticut shoreline, so kudos to the Constitution State Wrestling folks for that choice.

Advertising and Local Celebs

It’s not a Local Indie without a program, and this show had a program listing the entire card, providing some detail on the two main events (there can be only one main event in reality but whatever) and listing all the local sponsors of the show. As a bonus, there were also signs leading to the venue that just said “Wrestling” with an arrow pointing vaguely in the direction of the school. I cherish these signs of Local Indiedom! There was also a woman from a rock radio station on hand, whose duties were limited to introducing herself and then, later, introducing the women’s match. It’s not a Local Indie without an appearance from a random local celeb: TV meteorologists, disc jockeys, mayors, and others are all perfectly acceptable. 

At Least One Wrestler Who’s in the Military

In our case, that was “The Soldier of God” Ronnie Ribbs, which is absolutely one of the best Local Indie names I’ve ever heard in my life. Ronnie Ribbs! “Soldier of God” is a little weird, though. Kind of a Taliban vibe there. Also, since that’s a lot of verbiage to put on your ring gear, that meant Ronnie Ribbs had the acronym “SOG” on the seat of his red, white, and blue trunks which, if you didn’t know what it stood for, could be a little embarrassing. Anyway, he was introduced as a soldier in the U.S. Army, always good for a patriotism pop at a Local Indie. Groton, though, is a Navy town, and when Ribbs was rolled up by opponent “Sensational” Scott Levesque with help from cheating heel manager “High Class” Rich Bass, a guy behind me said, “Just one more reason the Army sucks at everything.” 

Event Name That is Not a Cool Pop Culture Reference

Constitution State actually fell down on the job here, as this event did not appear to have a name at all. But a key distinction between a Local Indie and a National Indie is that the latter will usually go with some impenetrable hip pop culture reference (or, worse, just use numbers for each show, like they’re the UFC), whereas local indies are still committed to calling things, like, “Final Showdown” and “Summer Smash Up” and “Brattleboro Brawl” (Brattleboro local indies only) and, of course, “SEASON’S BEATINGS.” 

Random Ex-WWE/F Guy

In this case, that role was filled by Gangrel, who really should be getting some of the indie wrestling nerd attention being lavished on PCO. Gangrel is a blast to see live; he gets insanely into it, and takes bumps that are ridiculously bad ideas for a man of his age. He was in the main event here, and the crowd was pretty exhausted by the time it started, but he got them right back into what was really kind of a straightforward brawl with southern New England bad guy Trigga the OG, accompanied, of course, by evil schemer “High Class” Rich Bass, who I’ve never seen before. The crowd was NUTS for Gangrel. When he won, the pop was huge, although it was slightly disappointing that only Joel chanted “Fang and bang! Fang and bang!” Gangrel loved that though. He pointed to Joel and did the throat-cross-into-the-hook-’em-horns thing. 

Local Wrestling Academy Students’ Match

Often, this is a battle royal, but thank God that was not the case here. Instead, we saw Matt Taven trainees Joey Bones and Todd Harris, the latter working a “rich prick from Newport” gimmick. Both guys were decent, show real promise, and, notably, had really good gear. Invest in yourselves, aspiring wrestlers! You’ll stand out from the pack. 

A Comedy Match That Isn’t Funny

I like comedy wrestling. I know lots of people don’t, but that’s why they make different kinds of ice cream. However, there’s a Chuck Taylor/Orange Cassidy comedy match, and then there’s a Local Indie comedy match, which is basically like a Three Stooges short mixed with some inexplicable Attitude Era flourishes. In this case, it was the awesomely-named Necromancer (short, stout guy with Papa Shango face paint and no apparent ability to speak to the dead) vs. 2Buff w/ The Buffdad, a legitimate father and son duo whose gimmick is that they are not, in fact, buff, but that they constantly do that thing where they put their hands behind their heads and swivel their hips, kind of like a Chippendale dancer would do on an episode of “Designing Women.” Laughs were notably absent, at least from the four of us. Mercifully, this match was broken up by James Ellsworth, who was booked as a random ex-WWE guy but is now, once again, an actual WWE guy. What must he have thought, staring out at the 250 or so people in a high school gym, knowing that in three nights he’ll be facing Asuka on live national television in front of maybe 12,000 people. Anyway, Ellsworth issued an open challenge, and another classic Local Indie thing happened: some loud music hit, and a guy walked out to answer the challenge, but instead of the “Oh shit you gonna get it NOW” reaction from the crowd, there was puzzlement, as no one knew who the challenger was. It didn’t help that he looked like just A Dude in red basketball shorts and a white t-shirt. Later we would learn that he is Wildman Kongo and he would go on to have a bad match with James Ellsworth in front of a tired crowd.

Excitable Fans

Hot crowd, especially before the intermission! At the start of the lone tag team bout, which pitted Brutal Bob Evans and “Tough Tim” against two guys called Riot City’s Most Wanted who looked like indie wrestlers circa 2003, one young fan became so enraged at the heels that he jumped the rail, the first time I think I’ve ever seen that at a show. He was about 11, though, and his friends quickly pulled him back over, so we were spared the sight of Brutal Bob having to PROTECT THE BUSINESS by breaking a child’s jaw. Local indie fixture the Fogman was also there. He’s not really excitable, necessarily, but he’s a fan. We talked to him during intermission and, I mean, he’s an OK guy. He’s his own biggest fan, but what’s so bad about a little self-confidence?

A “Ladies’ Match”

Never a women’s match or just “a match,” on a Local Indie it’s always a LADEEEEES MATCH, the segregation compounded here by having the radio station woman do the only thing she did all night by announcing the competitors, Isana and Jawsolyn. The regular ring announcer was a rockabilly guy, complete with Rev. Horton Heat necktie and suede shoes. He was fine. Isana is a big lass but mobile and specializes in suplays, while Jawsolyn’s gimmick is that she is a shark. That should have gone over better in a coastal town, but people were mostly politely indifferent to this match which, in fairness, was slow and clunky. 

One National Indie-Caliber Match

Increasingly, the people who promote and book Local Indies are fans of national indie wrestling, or Japanese wrestling, or British wrestling, or what have you. In this, their tastes diverge from those of their fanbase, which mostly consists of normal, blue collar Americans who just want a fun night out instead of weirdos arguing about BOLA lineups on Reddit all night or people who will slash your tires if you so much as say a disparaging word against Kenneth Omega. To try to satisfy their own creative longings, the promoters and bookers usually put one match on the card that could be on the card of a PWG show or Beyond show or AAW show or whatever. This is normally received by the Local Indie crowd with the same quiet endurance 205 Live is received by WWE crowds, but tonight was an exception. Matt Cross and JT Dunn, meeting for only the second time ever, had a tear-down-the-house 20-minute match that had the good blue collar people of America’s Nuclear Submarine Heartland going absolutely nuts and bananas. This was, indeed, a great match, one of the best I’ve seen all year: neither guy worked heel, but both of them wrestled as though they were actually trying to win an athletic competition, which is rarer than it should be in pro wrestling. Dunn dominated the first half of the match by keeping Cross on the ground and softening him up with wear-down holds to try and create openings for hard strikes. In the second half, Cross was finally able to take to the air, and made his spectacular offense seem credible and devastating. There were, by my count, three “This is awesome” chants, a “Both these guys” chant, and a “Fight forever” chant. People LOVED this match. YOU SEE, VINCE? PEOPLE ACTUALLY LIKE WRESTLING WHEN ok I’m not going to start with that. But it was nice to see a normal American wrestling crowd go nuts for a match that would not be out of place in Reseda or wherever the hell PWG shows are now.