#the only recent exception was i did still like that cheating fic

[autumnrory]

cannot relate to people liking things in fic that they wouldn't actually like in canon like most of what i like in fic is to FIX things from canon or sometimes to explore different things between AUs and canon divergence but like. no i don't want to see my favorite character die. no i don't want to see a healthy relationship turned into abuse. do you i guess but like sure i love angst in fic but i want it to work out in the end and i do want the angst to be like. believable and make sense instead of nonsense that doesn't fit with the characters/dynamics

[aphrodijin]

swing life away | min yoongi

pairing: min yoongi x fem!reader

synopsis: it's your first anniversary as a married couple but not only did you forget today's special occasion, you also didn't prepare a self-made gift for your husband -- except for the bundle of joy in your womb.

rating: 18+

word count: 5.2k

tags/content warning: married au, pregnancy, slight angst, miscommunication, mentions of infidelity (no one's cheating), mentions of food and being vegan (no one's vegan), usage of babe/baby as endearment, semi-public sex, SMUT in the forms of oral sex (m. receiving), fingering, unprotected sex (don't do this unless you want kids or std), slight spanking, yoongi being a carpenter/loving husband/dumpling/etc.

this fic is inspired by the song "swing life away" by rise against and yoongi's woodcarving vlog :] enjoy!

Min Yoongi was many things.

He’s a skilled carpenter with his own woodshop business by day, and a rising songwriter/record producer by night. He’s a confident all-star basketball player back in his high school days and can still shoot perfectly whenever he plays with some of your shared friends in the backyard these days. He’s a great cook too, always indulging your cravings.

Min Yoongi was many things but most importantly, he’s your husband.

And a very observant one.

It’s been more than a month when he first noticed it. He wasn’t exactly sure what was “it,” but he knew it wasn’t good. He could tell there was something bothering in your mind one night you went home from work and claimed it’s nothing instead of ranting to him like the usual. Just a bad day at work.

A week after that was when you started to stay long hours at work, looking more pale and exhausted when you get home. It baffled Yoongi why you would spend more hours there if it’s stressing you and you’ve never actually worked overtime, but he knew he’s not one to talk about spending more time at work when he has two jobs and does one of those said jobs at home, so he shut his mouth. He didn’t say anything.

Not when you changed your perfume from an intoxicating fruity scent to a soft floral one. Not when he saw a receipt of you having your car interior cleaned and also changed the smell of it. Not when you didn’t want to have sex anymore, always pushing his hands away when they start to wander down there.

A lot of new small things bothered him, especially the last one but what made him almost lose it was when you had mistaken his dish, the one you claimed to be your favorite, for a different one.

x◇x◇x

“Do you like it?”

You nodded, despite still blowing the steam off of your spoon. When you finally tasted it though, he could tell on the look on your face that there’s something missing on his dish. “What is it? Did I not put enough fish sauce or tomato sauce?”

“You put fish sauce in this?” You asked, smiling adorably at your husband and reached across the table to hold his hand in assurance. “It tastes fine, babe, but there’s no need for fish sauce in this. You could’ve added more liver spread and cheese though. You know I love a lot of cheese in this.”

Yoongi closed his eyes for a moment to breathe. He understood the cheese part, you always add cheese to a lot of dishes that doesn’t even need cheese. “Y/N, I didn’t put liver spread because that dish doesn’t require liver spread. It needed fish sauce.”

“What are you talking about? Caldereta is all about the tender beef, tomato sauce, liver spread, and cheese!”

“That's afritada, Y/N. You’re favorite dish back home is afritada.”

Yoongi blinked and composed himself, trying not to look so wounded. He’s so damn sure you’re favorite was afritada, you’ve talked about it a lot. Hell, he’d already cooked it a couple of times before. He had the recipe that he searched online bookmarked on his browser, and he even went to the lengths of jotting them down on his journal just in case the link is taken down.

“Afritada… you mean this is chicken?” You scooped for some meat parts from the reddish soup dish, and there it was, your recent enemy: chicken. “I can’t eat chicken right now, Yoongi, I'm sorry.” You sat straight up, covering your mouth and nose with your hand.

“Of course, it’s chicken. It’s always been chicken, Y/N. It’s a chicken dish, that’s why you love it so much. Or loved, apparently, judging by your actions tonight.”

“I'm sorry,” your voice came out muffled as your hand was still covering your mouth.

“When did you start hating chicken?” he asked as he stood up to take your plate away and check the pantry to prepare something else for you.

“Um, my coworker, Seokhoon, he’s practicing to be a vegan lately so we thought we’d support him by also not eating meat…”

Yoongi’s ears perked up, hearing how your answer sounded uncertain and more like a question, so he pressed more, looking over his shoulder at you. “You were more than ready and excited to eat beef and cheese earlier but you wouldn’t eat chicken right now?”

You stared dumbfoundingly at him before shrugging. “I’m trying with small things like egg and chicken.”

“I made you an omelet for breakfast earlier.” He pointed out, holding your gaze.

“I… just started… to try being vegan earlier at lunch. And also meat are becoming pricey these days, our salary might not be enough. Sooner or later, we’re gonna have to cut back on our expenses. What would you rather give up—chicken or beef?”

Of course, Yoongi would rather eat tofu and bean sprouts for the rest of his life if it meant you get to eat properly and satisfy your cravings. But he didn’t bother to reply that as he cooked you a different dish that night. Fuck Seokhoon for influencing you to be vegan. Fuck the government for the rising prices and not handling the economy better.

x◇x◇x

Ever since that dinner night, Yoongi began to question your marriage. He wanted to talk to you because he didn’t know what to make of your actions anymore, but everytime you two were in the room together, he could you tell you were uncomfortable and couldn’t wait to get out of the situation. Besides, he’s afraid to ask because he knows he’s not prepared for any possible answers you'll give him.

You cheated? Yoongi knew it’s impossible. It had to be because he wouldn’t know what to do with that with that revelation. That would honestly break him.

You lost your job and was just actually driving around town to look for a new one and pass the time? It sounded stupid but not impossible. He would be disappointed and wish that you had told him sooner to prepare and possibly take on a third job.

You’re pregnant? He supposed this is a realistic scenario. You two had talked about this sincerely before getting married, of course, both wanting two kids. He just feels like it’s still early for babies and you two haven’t done all your goals as a married couple before becoming parents.

So he told himself to wait, that you would open up to him when you’re finally ready to unburden your problems. He’s a patient man after all.

But his patience seemed to be running thin today on the morning of your anniversary when he rolled over to your side as he woke up to cuddle you closer and hopefully start the day buried inside you.

He knew you’re awake, even with your eyes closed. You've been waking up earlier than him lately, one of your many changing habits. He took your hand that was hugging your stomach and pressed a soft kiss on your fingers, on your palm, on your wrist, trailing them across your arm up to your shoulder.

“Y/N,” he whispered your name, wishing for you to open your eyes when he nipped at your jaw. He called your name once again as his lips were ghosting over yours. Your eyelashes fluttered open just enough to look at him and when he finally saw your eyes, he leaned down to kiss you deeply.

You freed your hand from his to curl your fingers up into his long hair, urging him closer while the other slid up beneath his shirt, feeling the heat of his body that you’ve been missing for weeks now. You pulled your knees up as Yoongi settled himself in between your legs, grinding his hard cock against your core.

But just as his own hand started to drift down on your hips, you slowed down, giving his lips one last kiss before pressing your forehead to his. You both stayed there without any movements at all, just gasping for air and holding each other’s skin and flesh tightly every now and then.

When it sounded like you were about to apologize, he pressed a kiss on your forehead and whispered, “Happy anniversary, baby,” before bolting right out of the bed, before you could even say it back to him.

x◇x◇x

Despite your husband having his own woodshop and fulfilling his dreams in the music industry, you didn’t let go of your job when you and Yoongi got married.

You were on your way back to your desk from your third visit to the bathroom that morning when you saw the delivery man on the front door of the store carrying a gigantic bouquet of flowers he almost disappeared behind it.

“Min Y/N?” he asked, looking around the store.

Jia turned to the direction of the bathroom and pointed at you when she saw you. You stayed your feet at your place. You couldn’t speak, you couldn’t move. The flowers looked beautiful—a bouquet of pale and dark red carnations, along with sunflowers, wrapped meticulously in craft paper and tied with a golden ribbon—but there’s a bad feeling in the pit of your stomach that’s making it hard for you to appreciate this.

“This is for you!” The delivery man presented the bouquet to you with a proud smile. When you didn’t move, he gingerly took your arms to place the flowers in them and then took off.

A minute must have passed by yet none of you and your colleagues moved or talked. It wasn’t until a client came in and needed assistance. Jia wrapped her arm around you and walked you back to your desk. As you sat down, you caught sight of the red card sticking out of the flowers. HAPPY 1ST ANNIVERSARY, BABY.

Reading Yoongi's handwritten note, you recognized that bad feeling again that you knew all too well lately. Shame and guilt. You had to close your eyes and practice your breathing exercises before those bad feelings in your stomach turn into a pile of chunky vomit across the floor.

Jia, oblivious to your anxiety, swooned over the flowers. “Happy anniversary, Y/N!”

It’s the second greeting you’ve received today and you couldn’t help but wince when you remember how you froze when Yoongi greeted you.

You didn’t know how this special event slipped up your mind when staring at your calendar was all you’ve been doing lately. You were aware that your own anniversary was near and you even had a lot of ideas for DIY gifts to give to your husband.

You tried to make it up to Yoongi by going after him and showering together to have some hot shower sex even though the thought of sex was making you nervous lately. Yoongi turned down the offer though, saying you’re both gonna be late for work, which was a very pathetic excuse considering he’s his own boss and your own work doesn’t start in a couple of hours. So you showered together in silence.

Just as you’re about to calm down, you’re eyes widened in panic because not only you forgot your own anniversary day, of course you also forgot to actually make a gift despite tons of ideas in your journal and Pinterest board.

“Jia, I didn’t get him a gift!” It wasn’t even noon yet, and you’re already close to breaking down for the third time today.

“Well, the department store is just around the corner. I can come with you at lunch to buy something last minute.”

You shook your head and explained to her that buying some expensive stuff isn’t enough. Knowing your husband, he already made you a gift days ago. You’re not sure if it’s something from his woodshop or if he composed you a song, all you know is Yoongi probably made you a gift with love. No amount of money could compare to that.

“Well, there’s always sex?” At the sight of your face crumpling once again, Jia took back her suggestion. “Or not! Honestly, Y/N, this is why I’m all single and alone in life so I don’t have to give people gifts and you’re making me stress about your own anniversary gift.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“And really, you’re worrying about gifts when…” she paused to look down at your belly. “Have you told him yet?”

You shook your head.

“Well, there’s your anniversary gift, congratulations!”

“This is a stupid gift." Despite your harsh words, you wrapped arm protectively around your middle.

“Why? You said you want to give him something you made, well you made that. He even helped, too!”

You couldn’t possibly just announce you’re pregnant on your anniversary day? Right? Sure, it’s convenient and practical – two celebrations in one night!

But that’s not the actual thing that’s been bothering you. You’ve been hiding your condition to your husband for weeks now, when you should have told him that he’s a gonna be a dad the moment you saw the plus sign on a stick. But you didn’t because you’re scared and if you’re gonna be honest, also selfish. Selfish to have Yoongi the Husband™️ all to yourself just for a couple more days before he turns into Yoongi, your husband and the father of your unborn fetus. And then that selfishness turns into guilt for not telling him, for distancing yourself.

A part of you wished he’ll figure it out on his own, that’ll save you a speech.

x◇x◇x

Even before you started to spent late hours at work, Yoongi always comes home an hour or so before you. It usually gives him enough time to prepare for dinner.

However today, he asked his friend Seokjin to prepare a romantic dinner for you two as he would busy himself installing the porch swing he made as his anniversary gift for you.

With his long hair tied in a half bun, a few strands tucked behind his ears and locked into place with pins, and a safety googles on his face, Yoongi began by drilling two holes up into the ceiling joists where he would screw the hooks. When he’s done and swept away the dust, he took the chains that’s wrapped in rope for extra support and aesthetic purposes and attached them to swing before hoisting them up to the hooks.

Despite wanting his gift to be all handmade, Yoongi had no choice but to buy a small foam mattress and throw pillows to decorate the swing. He placed them all nicely and removed his googles before sitting down and testing the swing if it runs smoothly.

Swinging for a couple of minutes gave Yoongi enough time to relax from the stress of his jobs, from setting this swing up, from all his fears and worries.

It gave him enough peace from all the doubts and questions inside his head. He hoped that this would give you the same. He hoped that you seeing this swing – the one you dreamed for so long, the one that he promised you because how could he ever say no – will help you remember that the fact that you two get to celebrate this day was because of your love for each other and the trust you’ve built all these years even before marrying.

Yoongi had set up the swing in the right side of the house, facing a line of tall trees that secludes this house from the main road, and close enough to the backyard for some peace and privacy that if anyone walks or drives in to your lot, they wouldn’t see you right away as the beams would hinder their sight. But anyone who’s sitting here would see just fine if there’s someone coming in.

Just like Yoongi saw your car rolled in right away to park next to his pickup truck. He stood up and waved his arm to call your attention, excited to show you his gift. When you didn’t see him, he jogged up to the front and flashed a smile when you jumped up in surprise at the sight of him.

“What are you doing outside?”

“I have to show you something, come on!” He went to cover your eyes for surprise and guided you to the back.

You were expecting some surprise in the backyard, probably a dinner he cooked but your assumptions came into a halt as Yoongi stopped only after taking a few steps. When he removed his hands and told you to open your eyes, a cozy porch swing greeted your sight.

“That’s…” you trailed off, walking closer and wrapping your hand around the chain-rope. From the bulky design of the chain and rope to the uneven height of the wooden slabs of the back support, Yoongi made you the exact wooden swing that you drunkenly drew a long time ago when you two just started dating.

“Happy anniversary, Y/N.” You heard Yoongi say behind you, and you wish he had said it the way he greeted you this morning – with such coldness and hurt. You felt like you didn’t deserve this with the way you’ve been treating him this past month.

Not wanting to hurt him any longer and bring back normalcy in your relationship, you turned to look at him, your eyes teary and said, “I… I'm sorry, babe.”

“Why? What is it?”

“I…” You cleared your throat and wondered which should you say first: you didn’t get him any gift, or you’re pregnant. You figured you should go with the bad news first before softening the mood with the good news, you’re just not sure which is which. “I didn’t get you any gift. I actually forgot it’s our anniversary today, I’m sorry.”

Yoongi fell silent before chuckling nervously. Sure, forgetting your own anniversary was bad, but that’s little compared to what Yoongi was imagining these past few days. “That’s alright, I thought it was something serious.”

“Why? What did you think I was going to say?” you prodded before you drop your next bomb.

“I don’t know what I thought, honestly. Things haven’t been quite well with us lately, Y/N.” He shrugged, scratching his nape. “I thought of pregnancy. There’s one where you don’t actually have a job anymore and just didn’t want to say it. I also thought you’re cheating with fucking Seokhoon—”

“Seok-Seokhoon? Why the hell would you think that? I couldn’t stand that guy.”

“I don’t know Y/N, you tell me, you’re the one who suddenly didn’t want to eat chicken because fucking Seokhoon is trying to be vegan.”

You thought about the lamb chops Seokhoon devoured at lunch today. You also remembered the night Yoongi was referring to, when you almost spilled your guts literally and figuratively at the smell of the chicken.

“Seokhoon isn’t vegan. But one of your hunches is true.” You walked towards him, taking his hand in yours and placing it on your stomach. “I’m pregnant.”

Yoongi froze for a minute, staring at your eyes down to your stomach that he’s touching. His gummy smile slowly broke into his face, giggling as he asked to confirm, “Pregnant? With babies?”

You nodded, matching his smile. “Yeah, pregnant, but hopefully just a singular baby. Or fetus, I’m not sure, I haven’t been to a clinic yet. I was putting it off because I want you to be there at the first checkup since I left you in the dark when I took the test. I'm really sorry about that, Yoongi, I just didn’t know how to say it. I was scared and nervous myself about this baby and I kn—”

Yoongi cut off your ramblings by kissing you. “I'm sorry. I'm sorry I thought you were cheating when you were feeling this way all on your own. I should’ve asked you.”

You shook you head. “I'm sorry I let you think that, too. But there’s no way I would’ve betray you for Seokhoon or anyone else, really. I love you so much, Yoongi.”

You stood in your toes to kiss him again, muttering again and again how much you love him and how sorry you were. His hands stayed firmly on each side of you, and you didn’t pushed him away this time. You looped your arms around his neck and tugged him closer.

This one kiss – after all those weeks of just pecking and short kisses, after the frustrating mess that happened earlier morning – was so hungry and powerful and mind-numbing. You wouldn’t even wanna stop if a lightning strike near you two. You missed him so much, you would’ve take him right here, right now.

But Yoongi pulled away, breathing ruggedly as he said, “You haven’t tried it yet.”

“Tried the what yet?”

“The swing, don’t you wanna take a ride on it?”

Despite his innocent question referring to the swing, your eyes mischievously glinted and an idea popped into your mind. You took his hand and gestured for him to sit down. Trying to calm yourself down, you kissed your husband first before prying his legs open and kneeling down between them, instead of sitting beside him.

“What are you doing?” he smirked, enjoying the sight in front of him.

“I was thinking I could ride you on it instead, but first…”

With a coy smile, you unbuttoned his pants and pulled them down along with his underwear, freeing his hard cock. Licking your lips in anticipation, you wrapped your hand around him, thumb circling at the precum beading on his crown.

Yoongi hissed at sensation, bucking his hips up. “Fuck, baby, don’t tease me. It’s been a month.” His hands ran through your hair to keep them out of the way and prompted for you to start.

“Happy anniversary,” you greeted him before placing sloppy, wet mouth kisses on the head of his dick and moving them down while your hand was steadily stroking the base and the other was gently squeezing and rolling his balls.

When you made sure to coat every inch of his cock with your saliva, you kissed his crown one more time before taking him in your mouth, trying to fit whatever you can while your hand covered the rest.

“Ahh, that feels so good, babe. I’ve really missed you,” he rasped.

You moaned around him as you felt yourself getting wet even just at the sound of his voice and at the feeling of his heavy cock sliding in and out of your mouth. One of his hands weaved into your hair once again to carefully guide you at the pace he wanted. He bit his lip in concentration as he tried to restrain himself from just snapping his hips up to fuck your face but failing a couple of times, making you choke and teary-eyed.

Yoongi couldn’t help but groan at the sight of you, mouth wide open full of his cock, eyes in tears staring up at him. His other hand cupped your jaw, his thumb caressing your cheek.

“You’re doing so good, baby, taking my cock so well.”

His moans were getting louder and he started to lose control of his hips, a sign that Yoongi’s close to his orgasm. You released his cock to tease him a little bit, swirling your tongue over again at the sensitive spot of his crown as you pumped his length, making him all whiny as he repeated your name again and again like a mantra along with few curse words, before sucking him whole again with the intention of swallowing his hot cum. Which Yoongi delivered, a lot. And loudly.

You pulled yourself off of his cock, still semi-hard, and opened your mouth to show him that you’ve swallowed every drop of his cum. Still breathing heavily, Yoongi smiled proudly at you. “You’re gonna be the fucking death of me, Y/N baby. Come here.”

“Not to doubt you, but are you sure this won’t give out on us?” You asked, looking up at the ceiling where the swing is hanging.

“Of course not, at least three people can sit here. We’ll be fine, even when we finally have our kid sitting down here with us,” he replied, helping you get up at your feet.

You stared down at him, grinning at the thought of your kid playing at this very porch swing their daddy made in the future. But first, it’s gonna mommy and daddy’s turn on the swing for a while.

Because of the disastrous shower session earlier, you tried to make it up to your husband by wearing his favorite black lace lingerie underneath one of your red dress that gave out the equal vibe of classy and slutty to entice him on. You also figured, might as well wear them while you still can.

You unbuttoned the dress open from the top, revealing the lacy bra, causing Yoongi to raise his eyebrows.

“You wore lingerie to work?”

“Yeah, it turned out to be quite itchy and uncomfortable to wear for a long time actually,” you pouted. “Help me out of it, please.”

Yoongi leaned forward, one of his hands held you firmly by your waist while the other slipped beneath your dress, running his fingertips along the edge of your underwear before pulling them aside to sink a finger inside your cunt and moving it in a ‘come hither' motion. He added another finger while his thumb drew circles on your clit to send you over the edge.

You gasped, your hands paused from unclasping your bra to balance yourself on your husband’s shoulders as he stretched you out, spreading your slick all over your slit. When your juices had dripped down on his wrist, Yoongi took that as a cue that you’re wet enough and hooked his hands around your underwear to remove them before pulling you into his lap.

He gathered the skirt of your dress, bunching them up to your waist. You bit your lower lip as your pussy was pressing against his cock, feeling hard and thick against your wet core. Feeling impatient as Yoongi kissed your neck, you tried to move your hips, chasing that pleasure the friction gave you, in which you earned a gentle slap in the ass from him.

“Take this off,” he said, toying with the strap of your bra.

You nodded like a good girl, unclasping them from behind and took the straps of your shoulders. Yoongi pulled down your dress, revealing your tits. He stared at them for a second, both of his hands cupping each breast gently, thumbs grazing your soft skin and hardened nipple. You were about to make a joke when he leaned down to start licking and sucking one of your tits, while he massaged the other one.

While he was busy, you attempted to get yourself off by rocking your hips against him again, whether on his cock or his thigh, you didn’t care. A cry left your lips when he slapped your ass once again, a bit harder this time, before proceeding to grab your ass in his hands and dig his fingers in to help you move. You whimpered every time your sensitive clit rubbed pass his tip, making him almost poked your entrance.

Yoongi switched his attention on your other tit, but never faltering his movement to make you come on his cock. He could feel you’re close, your folds fluttering against his cock, your hips jerking more uncontrollably, your juices running down on his skin to the foam cushion he newly bought, making a mental note to buy a new one.

“Y—Yoongi…” you moaned, eyes scrunched close and head thrown back. “Oh, I'm gonna—oh fuck Yoongi—”

He looked up from your chest to stare at the fucked out expression on your face as you come, his hands on your hips controlling your move to help you ride out your orgasm. When he felt that you’re almost done coming down from your high, Yoongi lifted you up to line his tip against your entrance and helped you sink down on his cock. You moaned loudly at the feeling of your cunt being stretched out so deliciously after a month without an intercourse.

None of you spoke for a while, but you were thankful that Yoongi didn’t fuck you right away and instead let you adjust to the size as he sucked and nibbled every inch of your skin.

“If I’m pregnant right now, does that mean we don’t need a condom for a while? Or you can still get me pregnant while I’m pregnant?”

“It can happen, but it’s rare.” Yoongi saw your concerned expression, so he asked, “Do you want me to wear one?”

You smiled and shook your head immediately. “No. I want to feel you.” With that being said, you hooked your arms across his shoulders and started to bounce on his cock, grinding your clit on his pelvis everytime you come down.

Despite the frustrations and longing that Yoongi had built up for a month, he managed to calmly hold back and sit there as you ride him. At the back of his mind, he was also hesitant to pound his dick in and out of you without a care because he’s afraid he might hurt the baby. So he let you control the pace while his hands wander over your body, palming your tits and smacking your ass.

“Ahh Yoongi… please, fuck me.” You couldn’t keep your upper body straight anymore as your walls began on clenching around his dick, so you leaned your head on his shoulder. “I can’t—I feel so close again…”

“I know, baby, I got you now. You did great,” Yoongi whispered tenderly, placing a kiss on your head. He gripped your thighs in place, thrusting his hips upward into you and picked up the pace to bring you to your second orgasm.

You cried out in pleasure as Yoongi kept hitting that sweet spot inside you, your body beginning to tremble in his arms. You could feel him getting close too by the way his thrusts were being quick and sloppy so you curled your hand around the curly strands on his nape, your lips leaving wet kisses on his neck as you tried to give him hickeys.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, holy shit baby…”

You were lucky you live in a remote place and didn’t have any neighbors for miles as they would’ve surely heard Yoongi's loud groans and your high-pitched moans as you came together. Yoongi had thrust one more time inside you, bringing your hips down as he flushed your bodies together and filled your cunt with his thick cum.

None of you wanted to move at that moment, just catching up on your breaths and occasionally rocking your hips into each other for a potential round two when your stomach had a sudden craving — dumplings.

And dumplings reminded you of — “Oh my, god, we’re gonna have a baby dumpling in a few months.”

“I’m not a dumpling,” he groaned, burying his face on the crook of your neck as you laugh.

Min Yoongi was many things—a carpenter, a songwriter and producer, a basketball player, a dumpling (despite his denial), your loving husband, and in a few months, a proud father.

Hello! Thank you so much for reading. I hope you enjoyed it and please, reblogs and feedbacks are always welcome and appreciated :)

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Thank you so much once again, have a great day! x

©️ 2022 aphrodijin

[darlingpoppet]

Fave Fics of 2023!

A list of some of my favorite fics I read in 2023, though note not all of them are from this year. I feel like I didn’t get to do as much reading as I would’ve liked but I guess at least I was still able to put together a decent list! This isn’t a ranking, I listed everything in alphabetical order.

a bit of earth by @elemmacil (patrochilles)

Character study of Hadesgame Achilles & his time in the house of hades, pre-canon. Also, Zagreus takes care of a plant & it’s so wholesome. Lovely, atmospheric, and fueled by vibes, I adore the secret garden inspiration which slots into the hadesgame-verse sooo perfectly. This is great for the sad girlies like me who recently re-watched the movie from the 90s and thought “what if the whole movie was just us watching lord craven being a sad, pining dilf the whole time?” *clicks tongue* noice.

A Reasonable Explanation by stygius (pza)

I already read On The Ropes by red_smear last year so it doesn’t get to be on this list but I did go into 2023 continuing to seek out some of the “old classics” for this ship (yanno how reading fics that were published before joining the fandom sometimes feels like consuming media that existed before you were born? lol) this one is fun for the subversion on the “relaying messages” trope and taking god worshipping to literal (sexyy) extremes… I think if you wanted a good pza introductory fic this would be a good place to start!

Debased by youcouldbeagod (patrochilles)

Found this on a whim one day while clicking through the tags, as it is pretty much the only dedicated Troilus & Cressida Patrochilles fic on AO3 and it is ＢＲＩＬＬＩＡＮＴ！ The story is simply that Thersites stumbles upon Achilles & Patroclus having sex in their tent and he provides his usual witty and scathing commentary throughout. It truly reads like Shakespeare in prose form, I could easily imagine it being staged, it’s like a deleted scene from the play! The ending is also pitch perfect and still lives in my head rent-free. If you’re familiar with Shakespeare’s version of the characters definitely give it a read.

isn’t it romantic by infinitesle (dillydallybutterfly) (pza)

I was going to recommend a patrochilles fic by infinitesle that I love which is you are the currents that are pulling me onward but I’m pretty sure I read it in 2022 so it doesn’t count, sadge. So instead I’ll recommend another lovely morsel, a pza fic set in the jazz age au that a bunch of us in the pza channel of the hades lounge discord collectively came up with. Idk this might be a “you had to be there” kind of story but I think it still paints a pretty picture and if it inspires anyone else to contribute to the AU I wouldn’t complain. I’ll make my own proper contribution eventually, mark my words!

not the desperate type by @baejax-the-great (patrochilles, side hector/patroclus)

Baejax is well-known for their long fics which are all bangers ofc but personally my favorite piece of theirs this year was actually this oneshot in which Patroclus is engaged to Hector and then cheats on him with his ex, Achilles. They get caught in the act and the results are… predictable, lol. I love that it hews close to the tone of the Iliad where it’s no good/bad guys, just flawed humans making flawed choices and the AITA version of this story would totally be given an Everyone Sucks Here verdict, I’m sure. I’m STILL thinking about the ending even months & months later. Oh and of course, the sex is chef’s kiss!

One Night Of Chaos by Luddleston (pza)

This was technically a Dec 2022 read but I’m making an exception for it because I feel like it’s the flavor of pza I had been craving all along when I was reading through some of the older classics for this ship and it was key in helping fuel the inspiration for my own pza fics this year. There’s just something about Zag being invited into Patrochilles’ little world to watch their charming rapport with one another & being disgustingly in love that’s PEAK CONTENT for me and I loved this spin where he gets to meet them while they’re still alive, pre-heartbreak. Basically everything about it is my personal ur-pza text so if you’ve liked any of my own pza I’m sure you would like this one too. The sequel is also fun and was properly a 2023 read for me so I’ll mention it too haha.

Presentation by @sonderlivra (eruri)

Judging by the time stamp of my comment, I started my 2023 off right by reading this fic by one of my all-time favorite eruri authors! This is an omegaverse fic with a twist, it is well-written, hilarious, and had me guessing up until the very end. I would literally recommend anything this author writes (including the asscreed fics she & other beloved friend @zorthania have been writing this year… I don’t go here but these are my blorbo in-laws and I care them uwu)

sacramentum by fresco_k (eruri)

I didn’t take the time to read many other eruri fics this year unfortunately but I did get to beta some fics for this year’s eruri matchmaking event and this was one of them: a gladiator AU set in Ancient Rome and it was so serendipitous that I got to help with something so close to my current hyperfixation! The premise is very intriguing and it’s off to a lovely start… not to mention the author is a sweetie who knows & has a lot of passion for the time period… so check it out!

the slow mending by meikuree (pikuhan)

I finally got to dip my toes into some pikuhan fics this year and luckily my first one was a real banger! This was such a lovely little canon-compliant Hanji character study along with an exploration of their relationship with Pieck representing the two sides coming together and it was so beautifully written. It feels like the perfect introductory fic for the ship just in general because it really highlights everything that’s attractive about it! Love it!

tight fit by naxtique (zagchilles)

naxtique’s fics pretty much all scratch that itch for hadesgame dead dove of the dub/non-con variety, oftentimes laced with angst. Their particular flavor of Zagchilles with slave-to-his-passion, guilt-stricken Achilles is so compelling it always makes me stare at the wall thinking about it. And this is my favorite one, in which Achilles gets sex-pollen’d and ends up in a compromising position with Zagreus. Another one where the ending haunts my dreams (in a good way). Not for everyone obviously but if this sort of thing is up your alley, it’s great.

you’re a walking disaster, and yet— by @johaerys-writes (patrochilles)

Another patrochilles GOAT well-known for their serial longfics, and this year I’ve been enjoying their modern AU Patrochilles where the two of them grow up together in rural Greece. This one has probably my favorite ever synthesis of takes on Achilles’ character I’ve read so far—brilliant, autistic, and gender fluid. It’s definitely an extreme slow burn and gets pretty angsty & messy at times but it’s also devastatingly realistic & relatable and speaks to me a whole lot :> currently ongoing, definitely worth diving into!

[rey-jake-therapist]

I still don't get this very popular idea that if someone dates Morpheus they will probably die because of him and even go to Hell. It happened to Nada, alright. Nada and.... Oh wait, NO ONE.

Killala cheated on him and yet got her happy ending with the Sun, no less. Yes, she died but Morpheus had nothing to do with it. She was a mortal. Sad but true: mortals die. Morpheus didn't send her to Hell, as far as we know.

Alianora was neglected by Morpheus who didn't hold his promise to love her forever, but she died years, maybe centuries even after they broke up, also because she was a mortal and not because Morpheus caused her death. When they broke up he gave her one of his dream stones and a skerry where she would be free to do whatever she wanted. Her spirit remained in the skerry until Morpheus unmade it after Barbie smashed the dream stone... Clearly, she didn't go to Hell.

Calliope was still alive when Morpheus died and even fondly recalled how good he was in bed when they were still in love. He treated her horribly when he refused to let her go back to the Dreaming after she blamed him for Orpheus' fate, but it's not his fault she was later captured and abused for years. Not only that but he helped her to get free from her abuser. No sentence to Hell in sight here either.

Titania was still alive when Morpheus died and she seemed to be in good health. Whatever happened between them didn't turn so wrong that he sentenced her to Hell, apparently.

Oh and Thessaly? Unfortunately, she's still alive and not only she didn't go to Hell, but she managed to get more life from the Fates when she protected Lyta. When she left Morpheus he stood in the rain like a moron and whined. That's it. Hardly the horrible ex girlfriend's killer this fandom keeps bringing up....

Now I think it's very possible that Morpheus had other ex girlfriends we don't know about since he seems to, erm, fall in love quite easily and is literally ancient. It's possible that one of these ex girlfriends died because of him (not by his hands though, he's not a murderer lol), or at least suffered because of him (I wrote a fic that tells such a story uh uh); Desire's words in SOM could make us think that. That said, coming from him it's just as likely that when they asked him if he killed another girlfriend recently, they wanted to get under Morpheus' skin 😏 It's very fun to speculate about all this! However, in the CANON material we've got, there's nothing to suggest that Morpheus is an ex girlfriends' serial killer 🧐

And that's why it always puzzles me when some posts say things such as "I wouldn't want Dream to date x female character because he would do the same to her as he did to Nada"... It seems to me that Nada's case was an exception, and not the pattern, but what do I know? I'm just a woman who read the comics...

[theinfinitedivides]

SRK Birthday Celebration Tag Game let's fucking go

i've been tagged directly by at least three people ( @justshahrukhkhan, @loumandivorce and @pixlerelish, ty, ily) and i've got a little more than two hours until the 2nd's up on my end but i'm squeezing in to make it in time. happy birthday to the one and only chammak challo of my life amen

SRK movie you've lost track of how many times you've watched it?

OSO, Dilwale and Chennai Express my beloveds. save me my beloveds i will literally put them on in the background and still tune in halfway that's how much i love them (even CE. even her)

Favorite entry scene?

i would have said Raees or K3G a couple years ago but that was before Jawan happened. that was before Jawan happened and i got programmed into sitting up straight whenever i hear the first three notes of that Maasi theme

Is there a particular scene or character that lives rent free in your head?

Aman Mathur from KHNH i will love you until the end of time. don't speak to me about the scene on the walkway by the bay with Naina or i will become dead to the world thanks. close second is Don from the franchise bc really. Don ko pakadna mushkil hi nahi namumkin hai your faves could never—Pathaan and Jawan tie for third i like my men bisexual slightly insane and pathetic wet cat adjacent ty. cheating a bit with a bonus addition but Amar from Dil Se does live rent free in my head like the rest of these roles but i cannot rank him bc you can't rank that brand of crazy like that. you can't rank life-changing routine upheaving shit like that. if there was no other film in the world except Dil Se i would still thrive and flourish bc of the fuckery he did with that. full stop

Got a favorite musical number?

the long of it: anything from his films that are on this fucking playlist. do with that what you will. the short of it: split between the entire K3G soundtrack, Marjaani and Chaiyya Chaiyya

If you could ask SRK one question, what would it be?

i need to crawl around inside that man's mind. live there for a bit. pry the details for his next role out of him so i can get started on fics y'all know how it is HOWEVER. if i had to ask just one and there would be no repercussions: must every role of yours recently be so bisexual. my brother are you even trying otherwise sksksksk

BONUS ROUND: Attach a favorite pic

bringing these Not Ramaiya Vastavaiya screenshots back. you're welcome

tagging anyone who sees this and wants to do this within the what. how many hours you have left on your end if it isn't the 3rd yet alas

[arcplaysgames]

Do I have to say that i love Akechi because I do.

While the Thieves grab ahold of Adam Kadmon's hand to keep him in place, Joker swings up to Kadmon's face with as much drama as you have come to expect from him.

And so ends Maruki's dreams.

His shitty, shitty dreams.

Maruki admits outright that Reverie is right, he does that. But points out that the world itself is unfair. Someone can work and struggle and do everything in their power to overcome, only to be set back and crushed by a discompassionate, vicious system that they cann't escape. He just wanted to provide a better world.

Morgana, the best character in this game, points out that yeah, honestly, a lot of people would benefit from Maruki's reality. But having it forced on them is worse and takes away their own opportunity to determine the course of their own life and to grow.

MORGANA! /claps

forget all of my philosophizing and talk of ethics and shit. It all comes down to that!

Ah, Maruki. I adore you. It's been an honor beating the shit out of you.

Morgana finally achieves the impossible and turns into a Monacopter to save everyone.

And Akechi's final moments as a dude who exists and is alive is being crushed against the window and bitching loudly about it. Exquisite. /blows kiss

Everyone begins to soar off into the starry night, but oh ho!

MARUKI WANTS ONE MORE SHOT, BABY

Reverie jumps down to oblige him because like with Akechi, Maruki and Reverie have similar souls (sympathetic).

Stunning shot tbh.

I LOVE THIS MADMAN. I love the "I'm here for you."

brb beating up a fucking lab clinician with my fists while his voice finally at last cracks and he sobs out how angry he is to have lost, it's a whole-ass moment.

When he's had enough, he lays down, and the purposeful mirroring with Kasumi and Sumire is beautiful. THEIR SOULS ARE THE SAME SHAPE AND IT'S HORRIBLE.

Maruki reaches up just like Joker did as the world forgot about the existence of the Thieves and they fades away. So goes all of Maruki's beliefs and dreams.

Yeah I don't even know what to say.

This is not as bombastic and ridiculous and fun as the fight with Yaldaboath, no.

But this actually made me feel something and made me face the truth of the game. Maruki is the sun to Reverie's moon, he is the horrible absolutist nightmare of an idea that was reflected by the Thieves, softer and maybe safer but still rooted in the same wrongs.

There is a stupid thing I wrote in a stupid fic recently, where another messiah-figure talks explicitly about reforming society, and says "Utopia is a process." You can't cheat your way with magic, you can't force it on people. It is a lifelong work you will never see come to fruition, but you have to continue the work anyway.

It would be easy to drop Maruki and let him die. But what would that accomplish except another loss? You have to believe people can change, or there's no point to anything.

[pretendicanwrite]

hii! so I'm like rly insecure, and also have anxiety, so it's rly difficult for me to feel important/special. so I would absolutely love if u could make a fic of insecure Leo? maybe abt finnlo being bff and the fact that he wasn't before or !sth like that? also I just would rly like to see the dynamic of the logan-leo relationship, cus i feel like I don't rly know much how it would be. don't feel pressured to do anything u don't wanna, take as much liberty as u want 🫶🫶

Hi! I had a really good time writing this, and it kind of got off-point in a few places, but I hope you enjoy it.

CW: Anxiety, Verbal fights, Arguments

**********

Hearing laughter out in the hallway pulled Leo away from the endless scrolling he was doing on TikTok. His boys had gone out tonight to a high-end bar/ casino that required you to be 21 to enter with the team to make an appearance after the game they won against the Vegas Knights. It was supposed to be a rivalry game between Cap and Greyback after the fight at their last one, so sports reporters were looking for quotes all over the city.

Logan had asked if Leo wanted them to ditch the team to go somewhere that didn’t require you to be over 21 just to enter, but he had turned them down not wanting to spoil their fun.

The laughter continued to get closer, and Leo shut his phone off and walked to the door to look through the peephole.

Finn and Logan were standing in the hallway right outside of the door now and were laughing so hard Leo was minorly concerned that Finn was going to face plant with how unsteady he looked on his own two feet.

Slowly, Leo opened the door to his boyfriends, and they quieted down some when they saw him.

“Hey, Lovernut. I’m sorry if we were loud. We didn’t mean to wake you,” Logan said, moving to wrap his arms around the goalie. “Talkie challenged us to take a shot every time James lost a game.”

Leo smiled softly as his boys, but it didn’t reach his eyes.

Leo’s smiles always reached his eyes. Finn and Logan, although very drunk took notice of this and Finn stepped up to hug Leo as well.

“I’m sorry Nutter Butter. We should have just gone out with you tonight instead. I don’t know about Logan, but I thought maybe after such a tough game you wouldn’t want to go out with us, so when you turned us down I just took that as confirmation.”

He forgave them, even though he figured the forgiveness was more for them than for him. He didn’t see what they did as anything that he needed to forgive. He had turned them down, right? He told them it was fine to go out without him, and that’s what they did. There was nothing wrong with it.

Except he found himself in the same position a week later. Logan was still living with Dumo and his family, so naturally, Leo felt like he had built a closer and stronger bond with Finn.

The dynamics between the threesome were hard to figure out sometimes. Finn and Logan had known each other since Logan’s first year of college, and Finn and Leo had lived together for 6 months before the thought of a relationship was even brought up. So naturally, Finn and Logan, and Finn and Leo had known each other more, and all three should have been aware of this, but recently, it felt as if Leo were the only one who noticed.

Over the next few weeks, he started noticing all of the time that Finn and Logan spent together without him. Leo knew he shouldn’t be jealous. It was an agreed-upon relationship between the three of them, and it wasn’t like they were cheating if they chose to hang out just the two of them.

But sometimes, Leo felt like an afterthought.

Finally, on like the seventh time something like this had happened since the Las Vegas game, he finally snapped.

They had gone out for lunch around 2 in the afternoon and had promised to bring something back for Leo when he turned down their offer to go with them because he wasn’t feeling great.

It was well after one in the morning when they finally appeared back at the apartment.

Leo was sitting alone in the guest room he hadn’t really used since he confessed his feelings to the boys. He had never gotten around to decorating it, and the plain white walls were grating on his nerves ever so gently.

The laughter carried through the walls to where he sat alone on the uncomfortable, dusty bed. The only thing this room was used for was storage and closet space, but Leo had the feeling that there would be many more nights of him sitting alone in there.

Finally, after hearing another loud burst of laughter, and the just as loud ‘shh Leo’s probably sleeping’ he stormed out of the room, only to find his boys on the couch cuddling without him.

He stalked around the corner of the hallway and sat down quietly on the coffee table in front of them. He stared at the two loves of his life, and he could feel the tears gathering on his lower lash line.

He pondered the words for a few minutes, and at last with a breaking voice, and tears rolling down his face, he asked the dreaded question that had been floating around in his head for days. “What am I to you?”

His lovers’ faces snapped up at him when they heard the first syllable leave his chewed-up lips. To be honest, neither Finn nor Logan had a response. They thought it was obvious that Leo was their soulmate, and the fact that he was questioning it left them speechless.

Leo, on the other hand, took their silence to mean something very different. They didn’t know. They had been dating for well over 9 months, and they didn’t know what Leo meant to them.

Logan opened his mouth to respond, but Leo cut him off with a strong sniffle. “I know that you guys have history, and I know that you guys were best friends, and were in love with each other well before I even arrived in Gryffindor, but that doesn’t give you guys the right to tell me I’m your boyfriend, then ignore me for each other. You guys were supposed to be back after lunch. You’ve been gone for at least 10 hours. I had planned a movie night for us and baked while you guys were gone, but you just left me here. For each other.”

“Leo, I’m s-”

“No, Logan. You don’t just get to apologize and expect me to just forgive you like I did the last few times. I’m sick and tired of feeling like an afterthought. You guys are the loves of my life, but if I’m not yours, I need to know. I can’t sit here and be happy with the minimal scraps you guys are throwing me, while I pour my heart out for you. You tell me you love me, but then you ditch me to hang out with each other.”

Logan stood up, his eyes brimming with tears. “That’s not fair. We ask you all the time if you want us to change our plans to include you, but you’re the one constantly turning us down. You don’t get to sit here and tell us we’re being shit boyfriends when you can’t even be bothered to join us. Why should we have to make plans that revolve around you, because you can’t just go along with us?”

Logan was never one to stand down in a fight. He was bullheaded and always had to prove that he was right. Leo knew this about him. He cared too much not to notice that Logan couldn’t turn down the adrenaline that came from confrontation.

“Exactly,” Leo whispered, looking down at his feet. “Change your plans. You never make plans with me. You make them with each other, and I’m an afterthought. Sometimes, when I’m around you two, I feel like a charity case, and you guys are only “dating” me because you feel sorry for me. And I know that’s terrible of me, but that’s how I feel. It’s how my shitty brain works.” Leo moved his hands up next to his face to make the air quotes when he said the word dating. “I don’t get it. I pour my heart out for you guys daily. I shower you with affection, and I make you breakfast because food and acts of service are my love languages. I’m always there for you, but you’re never there for me. You’re too busy being there for each other.”

Leo’s face had a dark flush on it, from crying, and from holding his breath for the majority of his explanation.

Finn moved to kneel in front of Leo, but Logan still stood there glaring down at the rookie. “So what? Because we don’t do everything the same way you do, you don’t think we love you? That’s bullshit, Leo.”

“That’s not what I’m saying. You’re not listening!”

Leo stood now as well, towering over Logan.

Despite having one of the highest fight counts in the NHL, Logan looked slightly scared as his boyfriend used his height to intimidate him.

Leo, upon noticing the subtle change in his boyfriend's attitude, shrunk in on himself and collapsed back on the coffee table.

“Do you see what this shit is doing to me? I just- Oh my god. I’m sorry.” Leo was full-on sobbing now, and Finn moved to gently pull the blonde into his arms.

“Leo. You have to know that this was never our intention. I personally thought that maybe you were just overwhelmed between hockey, moving to a new state, and being in a polyamorous relationship. And I know it’s been over a year, but you’ve barely had any downtime since joining the Lions. I thought that your turning us down meant that you wanted time alone and that you needed to process all of this. I never meant for you to feel like we didn’t want you as a part of this.”

“Finn? Are you seriously going to sit there and comfort him after he accused us of what? Using him?”

Finn glared at Logan, while simultaneously rubbing Leo’s back.

“Yes. I’m going to comfort our crying boyfriend, and you are going to leave the room so that everyone has some time to cool down. Got it? I’ll come to talk to you soon.”

Logan didn’t even bother with a response. He just threw his arms up, scoffed, and turned to walk down the hallway.

Leo picked his head up and stared at his red-headed boyfriend. “I just ruined everything. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you guys feel like this. I just- I… I’m tired of feeling like a burden.”

Finn shushed him, still rubbing circles on his back. “First off, you can’t make somebody feel someway. Their response is exactly that. Theirs. Second of all, saying that you would rather do something else, is not being a burden. Now, I’m not making excuses for Logan, and I’m not going to make excuses for you when I go talk to him, but I want you to know some things. Some of the outings we’ve taken have been Logan taking me to therapy.”

Leo sniffled again, and he tried to speak, but Finn cut him off with a gentle ‘shh.’

“It’s not that I didn’t want you to know, but I didn’t want to unload all of my problems on you while you were still adjusting, and while you seemed uncomfortable. One of the reasons that Logan knows is that sometimes the sessions leave me emotionally and physically drained, and I need someone to drive me. I promise, I have not been trying to exclude you, and I’m sure that Logan hasn’t been either, but a lot of my sessions are about the things that happened at Harvard, and Logan understands that. He knows what I went through there, and one day, when we all feel ready, I want you to know about it too, but that’s not right now. Now, is there anything else you want to ask, or discuss before I go talk to Logan?”

Leo shook his head, and stood up, pulling his boyfriend with him. Leo wrapped his long arms around Finn and settled his chin on the bright red hair. “I’m sorry again. I do love you guys, but I guess I just kind of lost sight of the fact that you love me too.”

Finn merely nodded and gave Leo’s jaw a soft kiss, then pulled out of his arms heading towards his room, where Logan would be waiting.

When Leo heard the door close, he walked down the hall to stand outside of the room. He knew he shouldn’t be eavesdropping, but he realized he had hurt Logan.

“Why did I say all of that shit to him?”

“I don’t know, but he’s hurt and the things that happened out there did not help. But I told him about the therapy, and he understood a little where we were coming from.”

Leo heard a sharp exhale, probably from Logan.

“I don’t even know why I said that. I didn’t mean any of it, and I sure as hell never think things like that. I love him, I do, but it was so easy to just say that shit to him. He just sat there and said all this crap about us not caring for him, and I guess I thought it would be easier to make him hate us if he decided to leave. I think I thought it would hurt less or something, but I hurt him, and I never wanted to do that. I just didn’t want to relive the pain of when you left me at Harvard. God, I’m so sorry!”

There were a few sniffles before Leo heard the sound of feet scuffling across the floor.

“I’m not the one you need to say that too.”

“What if he never forgives me? I didn’t want to say that. I didn’t mean any of it!”

Leo chose this moment to open the bedroom door, and walked right up to Logan. “I know that you didn’t mean it. I can’t say that you’re forgiven, because it hurt, but I do know that you’re sorry. You never answered my question though. What am I to you?”

Logan let out a watery laugh and turned to fully face the blond in the doorway. “I just told Finn that I loved you when I didn’t even know you were there. Do you honestly think I feel anything less than love?”

“You can love me and not want to be in a relationship with me. Finn, can you just let us work this out between ourselves, sweetheart? I want you to stay here, but I think it’s really important that we don’t have you act as a buffer between us. We need to say the things that we mean, and we need to be able to have these things out in the open.”

Finn, albeit a bit hesitant nodded and sent a small, soft smile toward his boys before walking towards the dresser, and leaning on it.

Logan plopped on the edge of the bed and patted the spot next to him. “I think that I said those things so that the pain of you leaving would be less because I would know that you were angry, not heartbroken. I never want you to be heartbroken because that would break my heart.”

Leo, nodded, taking the seat offered next to his shorter boyfriend. “We could have just talked.”

“It was kind of hard when you were telling us that we were purposefully leaving you out.”

Leo took the subtle dig, dropping his head.

“Shit, I’m sorry. That didn’t come out how I wanted it to.”

“No, I deserved that.”

Logan turned on the bed, pulled one leg up next to him, and gently grabbed the rookie's hands. “You don’t deserve it, Le. I was angry, you were angry, and I think deep down, we both still are.”

Silence fell over the room for a minute as both boys took time to think. They were still connected at the hands, and neither of them made a move to change their positions, but Logan could tell that Leo was trying not to fidget his way right out of his seat.

“Look, we both know that I don’t handle my emotions in the most healthy way, but I’m trying here. I know that I just made a mistake out there, but I’m acknowledging it, and I’m trying to talk about it. I guess… I guess I didn’t want to believe that I could be making you feel like that. Harzy hadn’t told anyone, including you, that he was going to therapy, and I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t tell you where we had spent some of our time, and I couldn’t lie to you, so I guess it was just easier to ignore the fact that we spent so much time out. I-I love you, and I don’t ever want you to question that. I’m sorry that my actions have broken our trust, and I’m sorry that I made you feel unworthy.”

Leo dove onto his boyfriend, his cheeks wet with silent tears.

With Logan’s previous issues handling his emotions, his heartfelt speech meant everything to Leo. Even if he couldn’t forgive him at this exact moment, he knew that Logan meant every word of what he said.

“It wasn’t my place to tell you, but I could have told you some of the truth and I didn’t, so that’s on me. I’m sorry babe. I am truly so so sorry.”

There was work to be done, and so many things that the cubs had to learn to navigate, that a majority of couples didn’t, but after this threat of heartbreak, they knew that they had to work on it. They meant everything to each other, now they just had to learn to show it.

**********

I hope you enjoyed it!

[kimium]

Hey friend! For the writing ask: 1, 7, 8, and 25!

(From this ask HERE)

Thanks for the ask, @m34gs! I am excited to talk about my fics for 2022! I hope you enjoy my answers, friend!!!

1.What's something new that you tried in a fic this year? How did it turn out? Would you do it again?

Recently I've been writing snippets, experimenting with ideas that don't quite have a full story, but want to try writing anyways. In my first series of Warming Up (in Snippets) Chapter Ten, The Blue Bottle I experimented and wrote in present tense.

I think it turned out well. I liked the tone and narration Shouichi provided. Somehow, writing in present tense makes me feel more involved in the action as the narrator. I'd absolutely try writing in present tense again!

7. What fic meant the most to you to write?

There are two answers here and I hope no one minds me cheating a little.

The first fic that meant the most for me was my Serial Killer AU SDR2 fic Working Relationship. This fic was a soft redo of an older fic Steal Your Tongue. Any time I revisit ideas I feel a sense of nostalgia in my heart. I remember writing Steal Your Tongue. I remember where I was when I wrote it. To revisit the idea feels like I'm paying homage to an idea. It's a little silly, but in a way it allowed me to see how far I've come as a fanfiction writer.

The second fic that meant the most to me was my first Twisted Wonderland fic, The Small Things that Don't Align. It is always scary to write and post for a new fandom. What are the fans like? What sort of fics do people write about the fandom? Will my ideas stand out? Those thoughts always plague me despite years of writing fanfiction. Of course, I enjoy writing the fic, but my enjoyment is only a percentage of the reason why I write fanfiction. Posting it is a huge part too and I always want that to go over well!

8. What fic made you feel the happiest to work on?

Without a doubt the fic that made me the happiest was my second Twisted Wonderland fic, Comfortable Bed(s). I was so excited to write that fic I wrote majority of it one Saturday afternoon/evening. All the while I was internally Panicking because here I was in my second Twisted Wonderland fic and I was writing Every Main Dorm Member. Still, the sheer joy of writing all the scenarios and ordering which dorm went next was such a delight. I'm very happy with the fic!

25. What's something you want to write in 2023?

In 2023 I want to write:

-More Twisted Wonderland. Yeah, I'm deep into the fandom now and I really enjoy writing for it. In particular I hope to write a Vil/Rook fic, but I always enjoy writing Yuu ft. The dorms.

-A Bleach fic. I've been a fan of Bleach since the first episode dropped all those years ago. I actually attempted to write a Bleach fic in 2015-2016, but I never posted what I wrote. However, now with TYBW arc animated, I might find the right Bleach fic idea.

-A multi-chaptered FE Fates fic. Honestly, the last time was in 2021 with Searching (and Falling) Through Dimensions. I have to do something else. Not sure what yet, but I'd like to try another long term project.

-Speaking of FE Fates, I want to write more Anankos/Trio fics. I want to do this because I'm deep in this silly ship and I need to drag more people down with me.

-Another post SDR2 multi chaptered fic. Listen. The last time I took a deep dive into the cast's psyches over multiple chapters was in 2016. I have different ideas and interpretations. I have a better grasp of the characters. I think 2023 might be the year I write this multi-chaptered fic.

-Lastly, maybe, just maybe if I get permission I can write at least one (1) idea from the vast list of Bar AU ideas. Because we call the AU "our AU" but I've done nothing except bounce ideas and add to that secret USB drive.

[leonawriter]

I think I prefer Toichi becoming this crazy talented magician with a gentleman thief themeing turned actual gentleman thief not because of his parents but because he’s interested in both so much. Not to say he didn’t inherit skills/characteristics that would have been helpful to those professions. Just that I prefer he built them from scratch.

Same reason I don’t like him or Kaito having actual magic. (The only real exception for Kaito is being a bird whisperer.) It’s not as bad as not having Akako being a witch but still think it does them a bit of a disservice. I feel more strong about Kaito and Toichi actually using magic for their shows than one or more of Kudo twin’s parents were also (a) magician(s). Like it makes sense and I’m not really going to complain if that take is proved to be canon.

I mean, both of those things are purely down to taste and preference?

I've said a few times that I'd personally find it fun if they did have a magician/thief ancestor, though it'd also create fun narrative "foils/parallels" if it wasn't something passed on like that. Free will, nurture, and choice vs nature, bloodlines, and a certain amount of fate or predestination.

As for the idea of Kaito having actual magic, I've read and enjoyed a few fics that have that premise in the past. I'd recently thought of the idea that he's a bird whisperer too, which is fun, but I know of AUs that have him as some kind of youkai (a fox, a wolf), as well as having magic that comes in a form that he doesn't even recognise, that he's maybe been using all along.

What I think goes well with your views, though, is- I have a vague recollection of at least one story where on finding out that he himself has some form of "actual" magic, he potentially hadn't known up until then, and is unhappy to find out. Because he thinks that everything he's been doing is sleight of hand, and he puts stock in his own hard work and efforts - so he sees "actual" magic as a form of cheating, if non-magical magicians can achieve the same effect.

That said, I strongly believe that in terms of what Gosho sees as canon, Kaito is purely mundane. He accomplishes things that a normal human of his age shouldn't be able to do, but this is because he's from a manga/anime setting, and that changes things. It's even outright stated in his first real face-off with Akako, where he says that she uses Black (aka, "real") Magic, and he's a Magician, stating that they're going to be at odds because of that.

I've said before that in terms of stuff like magic and adding in fantasy etc, DCMK is great for it because there's just enough leeway that even in DC, we've got things like "the amazing shrinking teens and adults" and "Hattori's weird dreams" and "Haibara's sixth sense" so it opens up the possibility of going "there's been another world right under their noses all along, and they just keep missing it" or "sure everyone knows Kaito has magic, but he'll use it for the stupid or serious stuff, and he feels smug at how all his best tricks are mundane."

[wander-wren]

ao3 wrapped: 2023

it’s january 5th but it’s still the first week of the new year so it counts! [it is now january 16th because i got distracted and forgot, oops]. some of you might remember when i did this last year; for some reason i didn’t just screenshot the “all years” tab, even though i should have because ao3’s year stats are wonky (if you update a fic, regardless of how much of it was posted in previous years, all the stats get dumped in the most recent year).

regardless, adding these together gets our starting stats for 2023!!

142 user subscriptions

6,213 kudos

439 comment threads

1,505 bookmarks

514 subscriptions

464,453 words

60,289 hits

so the stats breakdown for this year, across 36 completed works and…like 3 wips that were being updated in other years as well.

131 user subscriptions

16,490 kudos (excuse???)

810 comment threads

4,480 bookmarks

1,156 subscriptions (that’s a lot of emails)

438,885 words

200,866 hits

and i forgot to order those fics by kudos, so it’s kind of biased toward my longfics in that chart there. my top kudos’d fics are:

wrong place, right time- quirkless!izuku, all might bashy au where aizawa finds him on the roof in episode 2

what’s a god to a non-believer?- direct continuation of the first, lol

hear my name in your silence- fic in the same series except it’s examining hitoshi’s (adopted by erasermic) backstory. of note, these were all posted within a week, so the series spent a lot of time on front pages, filtering wise, and a lot of people were reading the whole series at once, hence similar stats

all systems red- todoroki & dadzawa sickfic and adoption combo meal. this was my first fic to really shoot up there in numbers, really interesting time for me

for you i would cross the line (i would lose my mind)- long bkdk bdsm au, they’re pro heroes dealing with trauma and a scandal. part of my larger FLFverse series

i dont think you can extrapolate much from such a small selection of stats except that getting into a big, active fandom did very big things to my numbers even if most individual fics didn’t get super popular. i think part if it is also just me being more prolific (doubled my works count from the previous two [three] years) and, potentially, Better At Writing.

also the top three are part of the same series and the 5th is a longfic, so they wouldve had more chances to come up on the front page. also, they’re all popular tropes/characters/relationships. go figure!

so what are MY favorite fics from this year, or the ones i think deserve more recognition? well! in no particular order:

march (little!hawks)- is it cheating to list a whole series? a late entry, but i’m having a lot of fun with it. hawks + dabi + age regression, starting out with a secret relationship and quickly taking a hard right into angst through the war arc. i also am just a big fan of all my agere fics but i cant say only those ones! so i’ll leave it at this

and we’ll be alright (revolution lover)- first in a series about trans!izuku and katsuki helping him heal from a shitty ex. one of my first real attempts at smut but also just a really fun cool fic to write.

taxidermy fingerprints, taxonomize your differences- T4T bodyswap ronan/adam fic, like the only non-BNHA this i wrote this year. one track mind, hello. but it’s kind if experimental and very, very weird and i love it a lot. definitely an ode to being trans.

burning through the sky- it’s come to my attention that i write a lot of series, and i’m trying not to just rec my same series over and over. i also do like this one! shinbaku a/b/o au, torturing them by playing with heats and consent. maybe i should write more omegaverse sometime 😳

take off your fragile armor- little 5+1 vashwood thing about vash being clingy and self-sacrificial. i had fun with it and i totally need to write more trigun stuff.

so hopefully at least some people find those stats interesting! feel free to shoot me questions about fics or stats, as per always!

[sheetsonfire]

Team Severide

Fandom: Chicago Fire

Characters: Severide!Sister x Kelly Severide, Firehouse 51

Genre: drama, fluff

Warnings: fire, head injury, confined space, anxiety

Word Count: 8854

Requested by Anon: Hi 😊 as i love your imagines, i also dare to send one in. Maybe a Kelly Severide one where he and his sister had a great relationship earlier but meanwhile they barely talk or just fight. One day there's a huge fire at an office building and CFD gets called. Kelly then finds out his sis is in there and immediately searches her. She's unconscious and took some damage but at the Med he stays with her an later he promises her no more fights and that he'll be there for her like he was before. Hope that does not sound too weird 😅

A/N: I realised about halfway through this fic that Peter Mills would have been on Squad around this time, but I love Joe too much to take him out, so sorry Pete, but Joe's on Squad for this fic.

-

You glanced at your phone for the 10th time in an hour, sighing when the screen had nothing to offer except a two-for-one offer on pizza, a weather alert and a reminder of an upcoming bill. You stayed looking at the wallpaper for a moment, it was a photo of you and your brother on your most recent camping trip with Matt Casey; a rare moment where the two firefighters could get the same furlough lined up. The three of you were bundled up beyond recognition in the cold snowy mountains of Colorado, but with the brightest smiles on your faces.

You sigh, putting your phone down, begrudgingly going back to what your computer screen was demanding of you. Being at work in the aftermath of an argument with Kelly was never fun, especially if he was on duty. It meant waiting almost two days before you could see him face to face and resolve whatever you’d fallen out over.

Falling out with him wasn’t at all usual, and when it did happen it happened in an explosive fashion, taking a while for the tension to dissipate. It was mostly about being too protective of each other, sometimes you found yourselves arguing over the family or decisions the other sibling was making - and though it was meant with love, it could sometimes be too much for the other.

Growing up in a household where your dad was either cheating, avoiding the family or drinking, and where your mom was trying her best to just stay afloat, often required you and Kelly to become your own two-person family unit. And you did, the both of you found comfort in that, always looking out for each other and encouraging each other.

This time around it had been you who had caused the problem, you had tried to tactfully suggest that Kelly be wary of his old flame, Renee. Renee had seemed okay enough until she didn’t. Suddenly returning to Chicago and bringing a pregnancy to Kelly’s doorstep was all a bit suspicious to you - the timing hadn’t added up at all, and after asking Shay a few questions about the logistics and whether it would be physically possible, you only grew more dubious. Feeling sure of your suspicion, you had broached the subject with your brother.

Objectively you knew Kelly would react exactly as he had, nobody likes to be told that they might be being made a fool of, but it still stung that Kelly got angry at you and seemingly protected Renee instead.

You then found yourself crying in your car in the parking lot outside his apartment, having left your brother standing in his kitchen simmering with anger, you were absolutely frustrated and hurt that he had so sharply dismissed your concerns.

Now you could only play the waiting game, using Shay as a feeler for whether things had cooled down or not. You were under no doubt that she probably gave Kelly a piece of her mind too, and probably could have handled whatever he threw back a lot better than you could sometimes.

Staring at an email for two minutes more before deciding you needed a quick coffee and fresh air break, you put your computer to its idling screen and stand, stretching in the process as you eye everybody else in their little units. Many were engrossed in whatever business they were attending to - or whatever leisurely activity they were secretly trying to get away with.

Making eye contact with one of your colleagues, your friend Maisie, you give her an exaggerated yawn and a mime of asking if she wanted another coffee - to which she nodded and put her hands together in prayer, silently thanking you. You held out your hand in a show of five, telling her you’d be five minutes as you headed towards the elevator to head to the cafeteria floor.

Blinking away the tiredness and rolling out the tension in your neck some more, you watch as the numbers tick down to the floor you had requested. Just as the elevator should have dinged on the cafeteria floor the car came to a sudden, groaning, halt. The motion wobbles you on your feet, forcing you to snatch out a hand to grab the handrail to steady yourself. Heart thundering wildly you tried to take a second, to process what had just happened.

In the quiet of your surprised panting breaths, the lights splutter on and off, you close your eyes willing the electrics to hold out as the elevator car still bounces slightly from the abrupt stopping of momentum. Then, it’s darkness. A red security light blinks on and leaves you in an ominous dark glow, barely able to make out the panel in front of you. Luckily, you had slipped on your coat before leaving your floor, which meant your phone was in one of the deep pockets. Fishing it out you illuminate the screen and then turn on the torch, shining it on the panel so you can make sure it is the emergency ‘call’ button you're pressing rapidly.

You press three, four, times and are met with a static-y silence, you groan in frustration. 

“Shouldn’t somebody be there to answer the damn thing?” You grumble to yourself, eyeing your phone and its “No signal” icon with disdain. That was your backup option out of the question.

Minutes go by and you don’t hear much of anything, only the ominous creaking groan of the metal box you were sealed in. Deciding to shed your jacket as you begin to feel quite warm in the confined space, wondering whether anybody knew of your predicament. How long would it be before Maisie questioned your absence?

As you gently fold your jacket over the handrail you jump out of your skin when you hear the blaring whine of the fire alarm, and the hairs on the back of your neck stand on end. Your heart pounds firmly against your chest, limbs tingling with anxiety.

Exhaling as your stomach flops wildly, “Shit.” 

You had discussed this kind of thing with your brother before, but it was one thing to hear about a scary scenario than actually find yourself in it. Alone. 

You take a second to gather your thoughts, gripping your phone tight as you try the call button again. And again. 

There’s static for a minute or so more, then someone speaks, it’s static-y still but a voice nevertheless. Even more surprising to you, there were literally 100s of firefighters that could have been on the other end, but the voice was someone you knew. 

“This is the Chicago Fire Department, do you know what floor you are on, is there anybody who needs medical attention?”

“Mouch? It’s Y/N Severide! I’m between the 9th and 6th floor, I’m not sure how far down I’ve got! I'm alone, uninjured, just ready to crap myself.”

“Y/N? Oh hell… Okay, it’s alright. We’re all here, you brother’s waiting for my info, I’ll tell him, alright? Just stay calm, I’ll be here the whole time. Just gimme a second.”

“O-okay, Mouch. I’m so glad it’s you.”

“Me too, kiddo. Me too.”

You could imagine poor Mouch's expression, perhaps even him making a panicked gesture of him telling you to hang tight as though you could see him. It gives you comfort to know that people who you considered to be family were there for you, the most reassuring thing however was knowing Kelly was literally the one coming to get you.

You stand pacing slightly back and forth, waiting to hear Mouch’s voice again. Or better yet the sound of Squad 3 trying to work through the opening and into the elevator itself. 

“Y/N, Mouch again. Squad 3 are on their way to you, don’t touch any of the elevator walls, the fire is coming up from the basement. I repeat, the heat is rising, keep away from any of the metal surfaces.”

“Okay, Mouch, copy that.” You try and even out your breathing, not wanting to psyche yourself up into a panic about the confined space or the evergrowing heat. You keep yourself dead centre standing on the rubberised floor, snatching your jacket back off of the handrail so you could use it for protection if needed.

[Outside the elevator shaft doors on the 8th Level] 

Kelly already knew there wasn’t anyone or anything stopping him from getting to you, the second he heard the address for the call his heart and stomach plummeted. On any given day he’d have had this reaction, but he felt the twinge in his gut even more considering how things had been left between you both.

Truck 81 and Engine 51 had remained further down to tackle the origin of the fire, some construction materials on the lower floors had been accidentally ignited. The older lining of the walls and the ceilings had acted as a tinder box, hurrying along the flames to some of the upper floors, with flames still attempting to rise.

Joe turned the drop key to open up the hoistway doors to reveal the shaft, all four men of Squad 3 winced at the blast of heat coming up from the shaft. Putting their SCBA’s on they suited up, Kelly was harnessed whilst Capp and Tony ensured he was securely held by the ram attached between the hoistway opening. Kelly starts with a preliminary look, immediately recognising that you had, in fact, got stuck between the 6th and 7th floor. He attaches a C-collar to his belt, a precaution he felt compelled to take as the fire continued to climb.

Joe radios Mouch, “Mouch, we got eyes on the car, we’re lowering down from the 8th to the 7th, Severide is on his way down to Y/N.”

“Copy that, Joe. I’ve got eyes on the others, the fire is coming up on the 5th, and the East stairwell is still free for you to exit.” 

“Got it, Mouch. We’ll let you know when we got her.”

“Copy.”

The radio crackles into silence, Kelly turns his back to the elevator shaft so he can begin repelling down to you, slow steady pushes of his boots against the walls as he eases himself down towards the top of the car.

With every push it gets darker, only the light on his helmet to guide his way, the smoke had begun to reach up past the elevator car now, shrouding the shaft in thick smoke. He knew he had to get to you fast, there was only a certain amount of ventilation and, therefore, oxygen available to you. Kelly would never let fear cloud his focus on his work, but the sense of urgency only thrummed stronger knowing it was his little sister in there.

[Back in the elevator]

"Y/N, Kelly can see you, he's coming, sweetheart. How you holding up?" Mouch is back, and you feel tears sting at your eyes, you had been doing your best to remain stoic in the face of danger, but hearing Mouch connected you back to your reality.

"I-I'm okay, just getting uh, it's getting smoky, Mouch. I'm... worried."

Scared.

You knew that by all standards your rescue was actually going quite quickly when the alternate option was being left to suffocate, yet that still didn’t stop the anxiety from seeping into your veins, the adrenaline pulsed wildly through you as the smoke began to push in thicker bursts through the vents of the elevator car.

"I know, it's gonna get tough in there, kiddo. But he's almost there, you just hang on, I'll be right here."

"Thanks, Mouch." You say it so quietly you're surprised when you even get a response.

"No need to thank me, Y/N. Just keep low, keep covered, let your brother do the work until he can instruct you."

"Will do." You coughed, the smoke was invading your breathing comfort now. At first, a few splutters, until it turns into a more steady rhythm of your body rejecting the foul air.

It had been drilled into your brain that you should never try and climb through the elevator hatch by yourself, and besides, it was unlikely you would be able to reach if you wanted to, but as the acrid smog continued to fill the confined space your brain was fighting against the urge to try and climb up and out anyway. 

You were staying low to the ground with your jacket shielding your head and face, but the more you tried to recover your breathing the worse it got. Each inhale seemed to add weight inside your rib cage, lungs starting to burn as you could actually hear the roar of the fire beginning to eat the materials below your elevator car. 

Loud, shuddering, clunks were coming from beneath and you started to feel the car vibrate, a high-pitched whipping sound could be heard and suddenly you were tilting violently to the right, the outer wall of the car hitting the inner wall of the shaft itself. 

The momentum catches you off guard, sending you sliding into the side of the hot metal head first, almost bouncing off as you fall back and to your side, unconscious. 

The sound of Mouch's frantic calls out to you and the sound of urgent radio chatter above your head are oblivious to you, blood drips from the gash in your head, your face covered in the blackness of the smoke.

You don't move.

[On top of the elevator car]

Kelly had been brought to a swift stop by Joe and Tony up above, the all-too-familiar sound of one of the elevator car’s support cables snapping had your brother’s team, rightly so, fearing for their lieutenant’s life. Once the commotion had died down Kelly was left gripping to a beam trying to recollect his thoughts, looking down at the car now listing to one side with you inside it.

“Severide!” Joe’s voice hollered across the radiowaves, concerned for your brother's wellbeing. 

Kelly exhales sharply, pushing his feet back up against the sides of the shaft, ready to keep repelling. “I’m fine, I’m still secure, no signs of further deterioration. Come on, we’re running out of time, keep me going!” 

Without resistance or protestation, Joe and Tony kept lowering Kelly to you, slowing down as his feet came into contact with the top, in the background Capp could be heard relaying information to Chief Boden.

Once he had got his bearings, Kelly gave the signal that he was securely on board the car. The rest of the Squad guys at the top waited with bated breath as Kelly set to work on opening the elevator hatch.

The sight that greeted your brother was hazy but still distinguishable, your prone form lay still in the layer of smoke that hung over you, his eyes change from worry to focus, keying his radio immediately. 

“Capp, how much longer have we got?”

“Chief says 7 minutes, Severide, no more no less.”

Kelly doesn’t acknowledge that particular information, simply using the time he has to order that a stokes basket be lowered and that Joe also come down to assist. 

“The car and the remaining cables can hold us both, Cruz, but we gotta move quick, she’s not conscious, possible head and spinal injury, we need to secure her and get the hell out of here.”

“Copy that, Severide. On my way with the stokes basket.” Kelly takes calming breaths inside his mask, focusing on the next task, instantly leaving Joe who's lowering from behind, as he climbs into the elevator to get to you.

Touching his boots to the elevator floor he feels the surface protest under his weight, which he promptly disregards as he moves down low to assess you. Taking a glove off he feels for your pulse, utterly relieved when he feels it there, sluggish but there.

Unhooking the C-collar from his belt he secures you in it, at least reassuring himself he was working towards your rescue as he waits for Joe and the basket.

With a firm rub of the heel of his hand against your sternum, he calls your name, imploring you to respond to the stimuli. He’s met with stillness, the gash is oozing slowly now, highlighting a swollen lump at the side of your head. It’s a sight that releases queasiness into his gut, another emotion to be ignored, knowing he had no room for familial concern right now.

There’s a thunk above Kelly’s head, moments later the front end of the stokes basket appears as Joe lowers it in. The elevator continues to growl at the added weight, Kelly could do nothing but pray the flames didn’t take any more of the cables until the three of you were free. 

Kelly slides the basket next to you, rolling you onto the basket as he instantly begins securing the various straps into their crisscrossed positions, he had to make absolutely certain you were secure before being lifted up and out of the confined space. 

“I got you, kiddo. I’m here, I love you and I’m sorry, so please hold on for me so you can chew me out for being a defensive asshole.” He murmurs as he works, hands moving on autopilot as Joe gives him a 3-minute warning.

The final knots are tired and your feet are secured, chest strapped and thighs banded across, neck and head fixed into place. Satisfied you wouldn’t be going anywhere Kelly starts to tilt the basket with you in it, leaning it up and vertical so that Joe can start to guide you to be lifted towards Capp and Tony.

Watching you disappear through the hatch, Kelly moves underneath it to grab onto Joe’s hands, the winch could have lifted Kelly alone but time was of the essence and it was faster for Joe to at least hoist him out of the dangerous metal box threatening to free fall at any moment.

Joe and Kelly stand in anticipation as they watch you in the basket rise up the two floors to Capp and Tony and witness the two men carefully pulling you into the open hoistway space and into the building. 

It’s Capp over the radio, “Severide, Cruz… 81 came to get Y/N, time for us to go, are you secure?”

“We’re secure, Capp. Bring us up!”

The winch seems to take forever, and Kelly mentally notes that he and Joe will have to move with a rocket up their ass lest they get themselves into a pickle. Hearing the raucous sounds of materials perishing to the ferociousness of the flames below. Kelly is itching to get onto solid ground and get outside to you as soon as possible.

In true Squad 3 fashion it's just about the time Tony and Capp pull your brother and Cruz into the main part of the building that they hear several ear-splitting whips and cracks of the other cables snapping under the pressure of the flames; the four men disconnect their harnasses and push each other forward and out of the way of any stray flying cables, stumbling forward as they head towards the exit stairwell.

-

Kelly can start to hear the Chief over his radio as he descends to freedom, he had already known they were working on borrowed time and if it weren’t for him worrying for his fellow Squad members, he wouldn’t have worried at all - knowing you were safe would have been enough.

Ensuring Tony, Capp and Joe were out Kelly follows suit, blinking into the sunlight as he practically rips off his mask, he eyes Chief with an apologetic look, the older man simply holds up a hand, as if to say “I know.”

Kelly’s eyes are frantically looking around for the Ambo that had you, and Boden whistles, nodding in the direction of Ambo 61 where Gabby and Shay were by your side, seeing to your injuries.

Your brother takes off, shedding his jacket and handing it to Casey who is standing in wait for him. Kelly looks from your sooty face beneath the oxygen mask where Gabby is squeezing the bag, to Shay, then to Casey and then back to you again.

It's Gabby who speaks up first, eyes focused on you but relaying the details, "She's stable, Kelly. Just took in too much smoke and got a pretty nasty knock to the head. We're gonna get her to Med, they'll probably keep her overnight, maybe more depending on the tests and scans."

"She'll be alright, Kel. She's a fighter like her annoying big brother." Shay wraps an arm around him, and Kelly lets out a choked laugh, his eyes filling with tears. He could have lost you in so many different ways today, and it would have all been left with you thinking he was mad at you.

"Case, you got her out?" Kelly asks,

Matt nods, "Of course, Sev. Couldn't let you Squad guys do all the work, you already complain enough as it is." Matt grins, brushing off the grateful look Kelly was giving him. It was nothing to come and get you, it was their job and you were like a sibling to all of them as well.

Kelly moves forward, wrapping Matt in a squeezing hug, feeling his fellow Lieutenant pat his back.

"Hey, go on, I got this-" Matt holds up Kelly's turnout coat. "You go with them to Med, we'll be there in a bit."

Kelly nods, "Thanks, man. Really." Matt simply shoos him away with a smile, leaning forward to give your leg a squeeze.

"Wake up for us, kiddo."

Gabby nods at Shay who helps get you into the back of the vehicle, Kelly climbs in after you and Gabby, being sure to stay out of the way. The doors slamming shut almost make him jump, the anxiety returning as he watches Gabby continue to supply your oxygen.

Shay starts the Ambo and with blaring sirens, they're carrying you to Med.

-

Kelly was made to wait in the family room for a good few hours whilst you had tests done both for your head injury and the smoke inhalation. Will Halstead had come back periodically to personally reassure your brother that what he had seen so far was promising, but they would be keeping you for a few days to make sure nothing more sinister developed.

In that time the rest of the firehouse had been and gone once they knew you were most likely out of the woods, with many of them promising to come back tomorrow to check in with the Severide siblings.

Now, Kelly sits by your bed, waiting for you to wake up again. You had regained consciousness not long into your arrival at Med, but you had already been whisked off for scans by that point. Your current sleeping state was just that, sleeping, given that your ordeal had been quite the draining afternoon.

Your big brother runs a hand through your hair, simply watching you like a hawk as if you’d disappear right in front of him.

Lost in thought and guilt about your argument he doesn’t even realise your eyes are now half-open, drowsy but coming back to reality.

“Are you staring at me, weirdo?” You croak, even half-awake you have the ability to tease your brother, and it makes him scoff with laughter immediately, relieved butterflies tumbling in his stomach. 

“I gotta make sure you don’t go off and get yourself stuck again.” He poked back, smiling brightly now. “God, I’m so glad you’re okay, sunshine.”

Your own heart hammered at the mention of being “stuck”, the darkness, the smoke, the closing in of metal walls, and the loud creaks, groans and clunks flashed across your mind. Kelly saw your expression darken and leaned forward, giving your hand a squeeze. 

“Hey, it’s alright, kiddo. You’re safe now, you’re gonna be alright.”

Your eyes close, taking a breath as you squeeze Kelly’s hand back in return, he had always been good at helping you with panic attacks and general anxiety. 

“Take it slow, okay? Deep breath in…1, 2, 3… deep breath out.” He encourages you, giving you a moment when the breathing invokes a few deep hacks of coughing from you. He keeps a steadying hand on you, gently offering you a cup of water to sip at after the hacking subsides. You lick your lips, smiling thankfully. 

“I’m so glad it was you, Kel. I’m glad it was 51.” You sigh, keeping your breathing as steady as possible, feeling a little better as Kelly rubs your back, just as he would when you’d had a nightmare as a kid.

“Me too, Y/N. I can’t even begin to think… the way I left things the other day…” Kelly’s face is pained, you can tell he feels supremely guilty about what happened. 

Your expression softens, given everything that had gone down, you were simply relieved to have a life and a brother still. “Kelly, it’s okay, I get it-”

“No, it isn’t. You were right, Y/N. I confronted Renee, and she spilt the truth. You and Shay were right, and I was an asshole to think you had anything other than my best interests at heart.” He cups your cheek, knocking his forehead with yours.

“We’re a team, you and me, kid. I trust you with anything, and I should have trusted you with that.”

Silent tears escape you now, feeling so relieved that he wasn’t mad and that you didn’t have this tension between each other anymore. 

“Team Severide, woo woo.” You whisper with a smile, wrapping your arms around your brother’s neck as you tuck your face into his shoulder. He holds you close, sighing, chuckling quietly too.

“Team Severide is right, kid.” You leaned back, grinning tiredly at your brother, you should have been annoyed that you were literally a grown adult and he still called you “kid” or “kiddo”, but really it never bothered you, it made you feel safe and connected to him like you always had been. 

“So, does this mean I can have a sibling servant for a few days whilst I recuperate?” You ask with a picture of innocence on your face. 

Kelly rolls his eyes but nods, still smiling, “Sure does, Chief has already cleared a few days for me, so make the most of this rare occurrence.” 

You snort, squeezing your brother’s arm with a mischievous look, patting his face in a playful slap. “Oh, I will, brother. I will.” 

-

Fin.

[nekoannie-chan]

Anymore

Pairing: Steve Rogers X Mutant!Reader.

Word count: 1119 words.

Summary: You were happily married to Steve, until you discovered his secret.

Warnings: Cheating, divorce, I promise a happy ending.

A/N: This is my entry to @mattmurdocksscars‘s Amanda 1.5K Writing Challenge with the angst prompt #8:

“I can’t do this anymore.”

@saiyanprincessswanie

My native language is Spanish so I wanna improve my writing skills in English if you notice any mistakes, please let me know and I will correct them.

I don’t give any kind of permission that my fics be posted in other platforms or languages (I translate myself my work) or the use of my graphics (my dividers are included in this), I did them exclusively for my fics, please respect my work and don't steal it. There are some people here who make dividers that anyone can use, mine is not this type, please look for the other's people. The only exception is the ones I gifted 'cuz now belong to someone else. If you find any of my works on a different platform and are not one of my accounts, please let me know. Reblogs and comments are always welcome.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Marvel's characters (unfortunately), except for the original characters and the story.

My other media where I publish: Wattpad, Ao3, ffnet.

If you like it, please vote, comment, and give me feedback to improve my skills and reblog.

Tags: @sinceimetyou  @unnuevosoltransformalarealidad @angrythingstarlight @shield-agent78 @charmed-asylum @pandaxnienke @real-fbi @smokeandnailz  @white-wolf1940 @tenaciousperfectionunknown @xoxonotme @bluemusickid​ @leyannrae  @harrysthiccthighss @marvelatthisone @hallecarey1​ @caplanbuckybarnes​

You were walking through the park, questioning what you should do. Lorna and Clarice, who were your best friends, had already told you their suspicions. But you just couldn't believe it. Steve has always shown you affection. You knew that many people were jealous of the relationship you two had. However, it seemed strange what your friends told you, coupled with the fact that in recent weeks, Steve had begun to behave differently and mysteriously. Before, he asked that almost all the missions be the two of you together, and now he preferred that you have separate missions.

You didn't want to continue living with doubt, so you decided to investigate on your own. Somehow or another, you will discover the truth. You were going to take advantage of the day Steve had a mission. He didn't even say goodbye to you when he left, but you didn't care about it. It was your chance. You went up to his office. The door was locked. You frowned in awe. You took the key and opened it. You walked in. The whole office seemed to be in order as always. Nothing looked different or suspicious. Even the photo of you that I used to have on the desk was still there. You still lacked a place to check.

You nervously opened the desk drawer where you knew he kept his most precious belongings. You took the compass, you opened it. There was nothing there, no photo or anything. You expelled the air slowly; it even seemed that you had forgotten how to breathe. Perhaps you were just being paranoid; perhaps you should abandon your plan to consult the cuckoos to read his mind; surely you will be laughing tomorrow at what you have been thinking in recent weeks...Or not?

A few minutes later, his mobile phone began to ring. You will recognize the tone. It seemed that he had forgotten it. He left quickly that morning, and you did not realize (and probably neither did he) that he left the mobile phone. You took it. It was a message from Sharon Carter, maybe about the mission. As long as it exists, you can freeze when reading it.

You continued to read her other conversations with her. In the end, you were right, and it definitely couldn't be a misunderstanding. There were pictures of them together. It all makes sense now.

Should you talk to him? Most likely, he would deny it.

What if nothing else was going for you? You knew I would seek you out and deny you.

"I can't do this anymore," you thought. You weren't going to stand there accepting what he was doing. You weren't happy that way. If he didn't care about your feelings, you didn't care about him either.

As soon as he returned from the mission, you would ask for a divorce. You could not forgive him, and no matter what he did, you no longer wanted to remain married to him. You knew where you could stay. After a while, you start to look at the clock. You were not sure if time was passing too fast or too slowly while you were trying to analyze what happened and find the moment when everything could have started.

A few hours later, Steve arrived and quietly entered the house, believing that you were asleep. During the day, he was thinking that he should finish what he had started with Sharon. Maybe it was a mistake he was making. He was startled when you turned on the lamp next to one of the armchairs.

"Steven."

"Doll, I thought you were sleeping."

"Don't tell me that, never again in your life. I know everything, Steven. I want a divorce. I can't do this anymore." You interrupted him.

"What are you talking about?" Steve asked, trying to sound confused.

"Your thing with Sharon?" you replied.

"I don't understand you," he said, trying to sound calm. He didn't understand how you had found out.

"Steve, stop pretending. I'm just telling you about the divorce. I'm leaving. makes you happy. " You said goodbye as you left the house with your belongings. He tried to stop you without success.

You arrive at the building where your friends live. You rang the bell of Lorna's apartment. When she opened the door, she was surprised to see you with your bags.

"Y/N, are you okay?" Lorna asked as she messaged Clarice to go.

"You were right, I asked for a divorce."

For the next few weeks, you stayed in the apartment with Lorna.

A week later,

 He entered the house. He no longer felt the warmth that always awaited him when he returned from some mission. Now he was alone. He regretted what he had done. He always believed that you would be together and that he would never lose you.

He would somehow try to recover you, but he should find you first. However, he didn't succeed.

He had even ended his relationship with Sharon, believing that you would find out and maybe then come back and forgive him.

About 7 years later,

 He was walking in the park. His life had become monotonous and lonely after the divorce, yet he knew exactly how many days had passed since their separation. He looked down when he felt something hit his leg. He took the ball, looked up, and saw a girl around four years old approaching the toy. He noticed that she had her eyes equal to yours.

"Take it," he said, giving her the ball while smiling at him. What's your name? "tried to sound kind.

"Princess!" You ran to the girl. When you approached and saw that Steve was there, you gave her a cold look. You took your daughter by the hand. " Come on, I saw ice cream in that place."

"Y/N," Steve called you when you were leaving. You ignored him. Forgive me, "he murmured.

He realized that you were happy with someone else and had started a family, just what he wanted. He sighed. He had lost the battle.

You bought your daughter's ice cream; you didn't expect to see him again. Even though your missions were completely different from his, which were exclusive to mutants, you subconsciously rubbed your marriage ring; now you were happy.

Yes, he looked different. He would probably be sorry, but it was late. It was late from the moment he decided to cheat on you. He had ruined everything you had. And you wouldn't give it another chance either; you wouldn't spoil your happiness. You were never going to feel that pain again. The only thing you cared about and loved was your family.

[theyreonlynoodlesmike]

i have a mad thomas x reader request where reader is forced to marry thomas (idk how just-) and is disgusted about it but eventually ends up liking him.(? idk how to explain myself:’)

No one look at me,,,,,,,,,,also this is heavily inspired by the Scarlet Letter and was supposed to be a tad darker but I copped out (also someone asked for a pregnant reader recently so this + that = this fic)

A Lie They Would Believe (Mad Thomas x Fem!Reader)

Warnings: dark themes, 1600 standards, values, and laws, affairs/cheating, ex-relationship with the pastor is mentioned, Thomas is Thomas, mentions of drinking, webs of lies, public humiliation, AFAB and Fem reader, pregnant reader, pre-marital pregnancy solved a la shotgun marriage, twisted win-win situation turns into love?, slow burn(?),

Word Count: 3.7k

You could accept your punishment with a turned cheek, you told yourself over and over again.

You could stare out at the audience of towns people, even as the sun beat on your face. You could stare out into the angry faces of the elders, into the pitying faces of your friends. Into the ashamed faces of your parents. But, you could not look at Cyrus Miller.

You'd missed your blood two months ago. You'd begged, prayed, everyday that it would come. But, the only thing that came was the morning sickness. You'd tried to hide it, tried to think of what to do. But, when you placed your hand over your stomach, you couldn't bring yourself to find the hag in the forest. And, when your mother held your spotless, white sheets in your face, you'd crumbled. You confessed in the privacy of your room as if you were confessing in church. You told her everything.

Well, almost.

"Tell us his name!" Cyrus said, a voice that you couldn't force to fall into the background. "Tell us the name of your accomplice and you shall suffer no more." He said, and you wanted to believe him. You let your eyes close for a moment, but your lips did not move. Your mouth did not open. "Tell us the father's name, so that your baby will not be born a bastard!" He said, and his hand reached out to grab your arm. His grip was strong and tight, unlike the caresses you'd become so accustomed to with him. While his words begged you to say the name, his name, the action spoke differently. You peeled open your eyes and looked up at him, at his raven hair and kind face. His dark, soft eyes. Tears pricked the corners of your own eyes, hard and glassy as you looked up at him. But, you were silent. Even as some of the townspeople yelled for you to confess.

But, how could you tell them that it was your persecutor who was the father of your child? That your pastor, the leader of this town, had sinned so egregiously? He had a wife, a daughter. You'd known both of those things when you'd fallen for him, but it was harder to ignore in the harsh sunlight. When both of them stood in front of you.

You knew you'd have to face punishment. Sex before marriage was a crime after all, completely forbidden. To think they didn't know you were an adulterer also. You didn't know what it'd be, but you knew you'd have no option but to accept it when it came. You'd already made your peace with it, made your peace with whatever God could condemn you to. Perhaps, you'd have to live alone, wear a scarlet letter on your breast. Perhaps, they'd cast you out completely, and you'd be shunned. Perhaps, they'd hang you. You touched your stomach at that thought. Perhaps, there were certain punishments you couldn't bear.

Your lips only fell open when a voice yelled,

"It was I." And a gasp fell from your mouth. Your head turned, snapped towards the voice. Towards the sea of faces that was the crowd. But, you knew that voice. "It's my child." He said, and your eyes fell on a face you knew all too well. And, at that moment, you knew exactly what type of punishment God had set out for you.

Mad Thomas.

***

The day had gone by in a blur.

Over and over in your head, one question repeated itself. Why? It was almost loud enough to drown out the constant whispers, the stories being spun by every person who seemed to have a tongue.

Union couldn't seem to stop talking about it. Of when it started, how long it'd been going on, when the pair of you had even had time to sneak off. You'd even heard a young Constance Berman whisper about how she'd always known something was going on between the two of you, only to be shushed by her older sister as you passed. As you'd been let free of the top of the church steps.

You'd been left outside, left out in the sun. Inside the church went your father, the pastor, and Thomas. You had no idea what Thomas was going to say, what lies he was going to spin.

You couldn't bring yourself to leave, to speak. You felt as though a blanket of white noise had covered your ears, covered your mind. You were surprised, to say the least. You'd thought a wave of devastation had washed over you the first moment you'd realized you were with child, but this? It made it seem like ripples in a pond. The only thing you could do was stare at the church door and wait for them to come out. But, you felt a warm arm wrap around your waist and you turned to see the face of your mother.

"Come," She said, and you looked back at the door blankly. You didn't want to leave. You wanted to be there when they came out. But, you couldn't find the words to say or the strength to keep your feet firm. So, you let her guide you away from the crowd, and towards your house.

It was only later that you were told you and Thomas were to be married by the end of the month.

***

You and Thomas were never allowed a moment alone. You didn't know whether to be relieved or not, but Thomas, a man who you quickly found was far more confusing than you thought, was playing a charade. He brought you flowers, carried your water pail for you, and even took you on chaperoned walks. You, however, were stony and stiff, barely able to contain your disgust for him. It was on your first walk that you whispered,

"Why? Why are you doing this?" And, for a moment, the incorrigible man seemed to pretend not to hear you. He glanced over his shoulder, as if the wind was at his ear instead, and you saw him cast a sly glance to the man behind them. It was one of your father's friends, walking only about two yards behind you. Finally, when he decided he was far away enough, he responded,

"Would you rather I had let them cast you out? Let you and your child starve in the woods?" Thomas said back, the most sober you'd ever heard him. It seemed that apart of your father's deal with him was that he cut back on the drink. He didn't even stumble as he walked.

"Don't pretend you did this out of charity. Why, Thomas?" You asked, and you, for only a moment, reached out to touch his arm. You pulled it back just as quick, hoping that your chaperone hadn't seen. Thomas looked down at the action, before he smirked and shook his head.

"Aren't we a perfect match?" He asked, and you gave him a look of confusion. He continued with, "You think I don't know what people say about me? Don't you see, girl? It doesn't matter if your father is the best woodworker, or the richest in Union anymore. No one would have you, or your bastard child. Except me." He said, and you almost couldn't believe the words coming out of his mouth. He continued, his words a whisper now, "Besides, it's a lie they would believe." You stared at him, flabbergasted by his words. Flabbergasted by how right he was.

Thomas had, well, a reputation. It wasn't out of character for his wedding to be one out of necessity, and perhaps it earned you some pity from the townspeople. How many women had Thomas seduced? And how many of them could truly judge you? Not to mention, his words left one thing clear.

So, it was my dowry, you thought. It wasn't an unheard of reason, and it made sense given the man you were talking to. Your father had been avoiding selling you off, even as you reached far into your womanhood. And, surely, your father would never have considered him under any normal circumstance, but now...You didn't seem to have much of a choice.

Thomas paused, picking up one of the wildflowers and handing it to you. You took it, knowing now that you had to play along. That you had to act as if he truly was the father of your child, and not someone as foreign to you as the land outside of Union.

"Your father was going to start building us a house. I was thinking right here," Thomas said, his voice only slightly louder for the chaperone to hear, but you barely paid attention. You were staring down at the yellow flower in your hands, before you glanced up at the man in front of you.

He was tall, but his hair was lighter. His cheeks were stubbly and his eyes- They were a clear blue. Almost the same shade as the sky above you. You watched as he talked, as he laid out his plan. And, while the idea of being married to anyone that you didn't love sickened you, you tried to tell yourself that it wouldn't be as terrible as you felt it would be.

***

You and Thomas sat out in the sun, where you were making a flower crown and he was rambling about one thing or the other. You'd gotten very good at pretending to be in love, even in the span of only a couple of weeks.

You gave him smiles and laughter, and he gave you gifts or stole a caress. It was enough to stir the people of Union so no one would be the wiser. And, with your father at his station a short way across the field, the pair of you could be somewhat alone. But, still within viewing distance.

"You're not listening." Thomas said, and you smiled to yourself for a moment. You looked at the finished crown, before you looked up and reached over to where he was laying on the blanket. He was half-sitting up, and you placed the flower crown atop his head as you said,

"Yes, I was." You replied simply as you adjusted it, and Thomas stared at you and gave a small scoff. He caught your hand as you went to pull it away, his grip loose. He held it almost gently, and said,

"Then kiss me." And your brows drew together. A quick,

"What?" Fell from your lips, and you watched how Thomas smiled. He laughed, letting your hand go as he said,

"So, you weren't listening-" But you were quick to interrupt him.

"Why would- Why?" The idea- the simple idea was preposterous. Why would you kiss him? In broad daylight no less? The suggestion made you nervous, made a weird feeling start in your stomach. And, you ignored how this feeling wasn't entirely unfamiliar.

"They're going to expect us to kiss on our wedding day, girl. Shouldn't we have some practice?" He said, and you thought perhaps the first time he proposed it had been kinder. You stared at him, thinking over his words. Thomas waited, reaching out to touch your skirt. It was only to pick at it for a moment, before he drew his hand away.

You couldn't tell if that was the only reason Thomas wanted to kiss you, if there wasn't some ulterior motive somewhere. You wouldn't put it past him. But, really, he was right. Not to mention, while the pair of you had been affectionate, had you been affectionate enough?

That's what was so aggravating about Thomas. He was always right. He saw clear through whatever facade anyone put up, and saw the truth. Perhaps, that's why he was such a good liar.

Perhaps, that's why he was staring at you.

"Fine." You said, before you looked over your shoulder. You were in the field, but you were more or less a public spectacle. You could hear Thomas draw closer, feel the warmth of his hand reach for your arm.

"Let them look." He said as he gave a tug on your arm, and you turned back to face him. It was strange to hear him say that, such a stark difference from what you were used to. To have him so close was different than before, but Thomas didn't close the gap. You supposed he was waiting for you to do that. He whispered, "Well?" And, finally, you did. It was a short kiss, a quick stolen one. Still, it made Thomas smile. "So chaste." He let out a small laugh, and it was your turn to scoff. "Are you sure-" And you could guess what he was going to say. You kissed him again, if only to silence him. It was deeper, firmer than your last had been. And you hated to admit that you didn't hate it. Thomas was well-practiced, and the feeling of his thumb grazing your cheek was nearly as warm as the feeling of the sun on your back. It made another feeling start, one that you tried to stamp out that very second. You pulled away again, cutting it short. Thomas, for just a moment, tried to follow you before he pulled back. He had a small smile on his face, one he didn't try to hide as he pushed his hair back.

"You're practiced." You said quietly, the closest thing to a compliment you could give him. You'd heard rumors of him galavanting with the likes of Abbi Berman and some of the others. Perhaps, there was some truth to them. Thomas glanced over, and returned the words,

"Aye, so are you." When he smiled and glanced down at your belly, you knew the jab had been intended. And, unfortunately, he'd managed to make you laugh.

***

You knew it was coming. You had prepared yourself for it. Before the wedding, the pastor would counsel both of you. And, he was going to counsel you first.

You stood in a dress your mother had made, with your corset done loosely as not to press on your stomach. You'd been staring out the window, at the cloudless day and the happy faces of your town. Why shouldn't they be happy? It was the day for a celebration.

You'd even caught glimpses of Thomas. Your mother was fussing over him, and Issac had swiped his pouch. He looked- Well, you could tell he'd been scrubbed down. Most of his teeth were still black, but in clean clothes and with a clean face...Perhaps, he didn't look terrible. You tilted your head, and, almost as if he could feel you staring, Thomas' head turned. He caught your eyes, and reflected your posture with a tilt of his own head. It made you smile, something you found was less forced the more time you spent with him. Your head turned from him when you heard someone come in.

"Wonderful day for a wedding." Cyrus said as he closed the door to the chapel, and you tried to manage a smile. "Sit." He said, and gestured to one of the pews. You did, and you both kept your distance. The chapel was dim, only lit by the light outside. The pair of you were silent for a moment, before Cyrus said, "The magistrate is here. He seems eager to start. Do you," He paused for a moment. "Do you have any doubts?" And you felt that the question was not quite as empty as anyone else would think.

You'd been staring at your hands, and you finally lifted your gaze to him. To his deep, dark brown eyes. After a moment, you found your voice.

"None at all. Thomas is- He shall be the father to his child, and he shall be my husband. I shall do my duties, and, I- I love him." It was hard to say, at least when Cyrus sat in front of you. "What is there to doubt?" You asked, your question equally as heavy. While none of you would say it plainly, you knew from the way he looked over your face that he understood you perfectly. The pair of you would never confess your secret, and you'd let the hatchet be buried. Forgotten.

"Does he know?" Cyrus asked, and you knew what it sounded like. In case any of the others were listening. Like he was asking if your soon to be husband knew you loved him. The question couldn't be more disguised. Really, his eyes said, Does he know about us?

"Yes. Or, I think he does." You replied, and you watched how Cyrus reached to touch his clean-shaven face. His face was half hidden by his hand, but you could see his eyes were disturbed. A secret was harder to keep the more people knew, but you said, "And he loves me. He'd do anything to keep this union." You told him, and you hoped he got your meaning. When Cyrus glanced at you, you guessed he did. Silently, your eyes said, If he does, Thomas won't tell. And, after a pause, Cyrus let out a sigh.

"Then, there seems little I have to counsel you on."

***

"Have you thought of a name?" Thomas asked you, and you hummed.

You were picking at your sheet, looking towards the window. It had been months, five if not nearly six. Your baby was due in only a few weeks now, and you still hadn't decided. Your husband, a word to describe him that didn't seem so weird now, laid besides you facing up towards the roof.

Thomas, well, he was not what you thought. He had a good, if not sometimes strange, sense of humor, and did not bruise easily from even the harshest words. He could take care of himself, after years of doing so, and, subsequently, you as well. Your mother and the mid-wife still came by to make sure you were in good health, but Thomas had most of it handled. He was a little lazy when it came to work, especially the work your father tried to give him, but he seemed to find that the work that came with having his own house agreed with him. The pair of you had become- Well, familiar. That was the word you would use. You couldn't say, nearly six months later, that it was still just pretending.

Still, Thomas didn't touch you in any way you wouldn't want him to, and you had to lift your head to throw a glance back to him.

"I have some ideas. Perhaps, if it's a girl," You paused, a sly grin coming to your face, "We could name her Abigail." And you watched him scoff and roll his eyes, even lift his head off of his arm for a moment as he said,

"Absolutely not." And you snickered to yourself as you went back to facing away from him. It was just a jest, a reference to an old dalliance of his, but Thomas, if anything, was fun to tease. The only issue was that Thomas was just as sharp when it came to his wit. "Y'know- Fine. Then, if it's a boy, we shall name him Cyrus." And you let out a noise of protest. You tried to roll over, declaring,

"No!" And now it was Thomas' turn to laugh. He placed a hand on your shoulder, trying to ease you back down. You let him, and even reached to hold his arm. To pull him closer. He followed, and you guided his hand above your bulging stomach as the pair of you adjusted. "Fine- Neither of those names. But, we must think of something." You told him, feeling as he stretched his fingers over where your baby grew. He held you, his warmth against your back. His hand rubbing your stomach lightly.

It made a strange sense of warmth fill you, one you couldn't blame from body-heat. And, it wasn't so terrible that you tried to push it, or him, away.

***

"She cries like no other child in Union." Thomas said as he climbed into your bed. You were supposed to be resting, healing, even weeks, nearly two months, after your child's birth. You felt like you'd been confined to your bed for so long that you were starting to become a part of it. Thomas was only here for the break your father gave him half-way through the day. Still, you smiled to yourself from where you laid on your side, and said,

"Perhaps, it is your smell that disturbs her." You said, your voice thick with sleep but a cheeky grin working onto your face. You shouldn't have prompted him, because he took the opportunity to drape himself heavily over your back.

"Oh, should I sleep outside tonight then?" He asked, and you giggled when you felt his stubble tickling your cheek.

It was already long into the day, and you'd become lazy from bed-rest. It felt far too nice to have his warmth wrapped around you, to where you nearly wanted to fall asleep. You had grown too used to it now, and you could barely imagine a night without it.

"I never said that." You responded, and turned your face back towards the softness of your pillow. You felt Thomas' hand raise, his fingertips brush against your cheek. He was being brave, especially when you felt his lips brush against your neck. It made you bite your lip, a twinge of something not so unfamiliar swirling in your belly. You wondered if he would continue. Hell, you wanted him to. But, it was nothing more than that.

Thomas, to your surprise, had more restraint than you would've assumed. He kissed your cheek, went to stand, and excused himself with,

"Your father will begin to wonder where I am." And you lifted your head to watch him step away, before you settled back down. He was clean, cleaner than he had been when he'd been sleeping in the outhouse. His hair was softer and longer, tied away from his face. And his arms seemed stronger, perhaps from the days of working with your father. He was, if you dared to think so, a kind sight to your eyes now. "Sleep. I'll be back by the time you wake." He told you, and, as he left, you found yourself hoping he was right.

[slashbitch2]

Lying To Her Love

i noticed there were no fics for lorraine and felt i had to remedy that

also no hate to ed he's a dilf

Lorraine wasn't really sure what prompted her to stray from the group. Conjecture would be the only way to describe it: a sudden desire to distance herself from Ed, to explore the house alone. A new feeling had also arisen deep inside, in her chest if she had to place it, similar to a compass. Like there was an internal needle pointing in the direction she was supposed to go, and she chose to trust this instinct. Though thus far her inference skills had brought about nothing but terrifying situations.

And unfortunately, it seemed this time would be no different...

The needle slowly spun round to point out a set of stairs leading down toward the basement. A layer of dust had settled upon each step, indicating that no one had ventured down so far, which only served to intrigue her further. How, in a paranormal investigation, had no one thought to check the basement? As she drew closer, Lorraine realised there was a very faint set of footsteps. They were too imperceptible to have been made recently, yet the house had supposedly been uninhabited since the disturbances began over a week ago.

Had it not been for the very insistent compass directing her down, the footsteps would've been convincing enough. Careful not to unsettle the evidence, she began to descend down the staircase, one hand tracing along the brick wall as if to ground herself in reality. With each step she could feel a weight bearing down on her chest, a dizzy wave rushing over her. At one point the sensation grew so overwhelming that she had to pause and close her eyes. Whilst stood still, the strange pressure that had been building up in her ears reached its peak. Without opening her eyes, Lorraine knew she'd crossed over to one of her prescience visions.

However, when she eventually did open them, it was to find everything exactly as she'd left it. There were no indications that anything had changed, except for the familiar feeling that she was watching through someone else's eyes. Or rather, watching what someone else wanted her to. She'd been brought here for a reason, and by god she was going to get to the bottom of this. Reinvigorated by a new determination, she practically skipped past the last few steps and onto the cold basement floor.

Here Lorraine found the first confirmation that she was no longer in reality: natural light flooding in from no visible source. It was a welcomed change from the gloom of late evening she'd left behind, but only made her more weary of whatever she was about to encounter since it was clearly trying to lure her into a false sense of security. Nonetheless, she cautiously ambled further into the open space. In fact, it was eerie how empty the room was. Usually she'd be climbing over piles of abandoned objects, trying to give equal attention to each one which often invoked fabrications of the mind. However, here there was nothing for her brain to work with, save for the occasional movement out the corner of her eye that she knew was nothing more than fiction to fill the void and warrant her apprehension.

By the time she'd reached the opposite end of the room, nothing yet had occurred to explain why she'd been dragged into this particular vision. And then, an abrupt, horrifying possibility dawned on her. What if she was stuck here?  It had never happened before, but then again, in most cases 'the cause' would've revealed itself by now.

Although, with this realisation came another equally strange one. Lorraine could feel no fear, no panic, no negative emotions. All she was aware of was complete relaxation. Even her most horrific memories and upsetting images couldn't create any response. They were nothing but distant stories told by a different version of her. The positive aura filling the room started to shift into something else, into an almost crippling pleasure. It was both intense and insufficient. She found herself clutching at her stomach, as if she'd suddenly been made aware of an incapacitating emptiness. She longed for company, yet the idea of returning to reality appeared an incredibly unappealing one. Instead, Lorraine wanted to fall further into this dreamlike pleasure.

But that was what it wanted.

With great difficulty, and an exclamation of discomfort, Lorraine turned on her heels to begin her escape. Though she halted upon catching sight of a figure stood before her. She compelled herself to push past the profound ache lingering in her gut, standing up straight to face this mysterious being. Here she came across the second confirmation that this wasn't reality, not that she needed it anymore. You were indescribably beautiful, radiating a sort of divine light like an alluring beacon of possibility.

Most spectres or demons Lorraine met were the opposite. They enveloped the light around them, constructed a dark gap in which there was nothing but pain and regret. They represented everything that couldn't be. A screaming phantom that reminded her to appreciate life.

But you-

You represented all that could've been without any guilt or anguish. You emanated both warm nostalgia and burning desire, the effects of which were palpable for anyone who could tune into the energy, and Lorraine was being strongly subjected to it. Though first and foremost, she had a job to do.

She swallowed, refocused her attention to the task at hand. "Why-" Another wave of dizzying desire washed over her. She tried again. "Why are you-" The world around her was spinning. She blinked rapidly to try stave off vertigo, but stumbled anyway.

A cool reprieve from the searing pleasure caught hold of her. Using the embrace for support she stabilized herself only to come face to face with you.

Despite your overpowering influence on her, you appeared surprisingly human up close. Normal enough to blend in with reality, but sufficiently attractive to be memorable. Still there was something irresistible to your appearance that encouraged Lorraine to sink further into your hold, to move her hands to wrap around the back of your neck. She hadn't felt so loved since early on in her relationship with Ed...

Ed.

She shouldn't be doing this. Her marriage commitment ought to have her fighting against you- but that was practically inconceivable. Besides, how could something morally wrong feel so right? No, this wasn't infidelity. She wasn't exactly sure what it was, but not that. She would never cheat on Ed.

The temptation was intoxicating. Lorraine's hands started to trace patterns along any available skin, savouring the unfamiliar yet exhilarating sensation. You weren't a living breathing person so there was something different about the way you felt that she was eager to investigate. In response to her caress, you brought one hand up to cup her cheek, maintaining intimidating yet intimate eye contact. The touch emitted pure pleasure and Lorraine gasped as she leant into the contact. Time seemed to slow as neither moved, opting to stare at the other in silence instead.

She was vaguely aware that time moved differently in her visions. That the longer she spent in one, the more time had passed upon return. Though currently it was the least of her worries. All she could focus on right now was you and the close proximity that appeared to be narrowing still. Your gaze had dropped to the lower half of her face. Lorraine did the same, her eyes fixating on your lips. However, before you closed the gap she raised a hand, motivated by a new desire. She was shaking slightly, but ignored it to gently brush a finger along your lips. She wanted a taste of the upcoming kiss, and was pleasantly unsurprised. As expected, the touch only reasserted her conviction.

She'd never wanted anything- anyone- as much as she did now.

Suddenly your mouth was upon hers, bringing cooling bliss with it. Lorraine moaned. She felt again a rush of possibilities, the surging tide of everything that could be. The muted uncertainty at the back of her mind blurred into nothingness as she clung onto you. Your mouth was the only solid thing in a swaying world, and she planned on indulging herself in the addictiveness of it. She parted her lips, provoking insatiable tremors along her nerves and another rush of giddiness. She felt young, as if she were experiencing intimacy for the first time again.

Your hands were everywhere, carrying an influx pleasure. She'd never felt anything quite like it. Time became irrelevant, everything except you was meaningless. She was lost to an eternity of bliss, in a realm of endless fulfilment. It was incomprehensible, otherworldly.

And then it was over.

She hadn't noticed she was lightly crying, or trembling so much. Or that she was on the ground. You'd simply disappeared and she'd collapsed. But someone was holding her now, someone else.

"Lorraine!" Ed was crouching before her, gently shaking her out of the dreamlike state and back to consciousness. She'd never loathed him so much for saving her.

"What happened?" He asked, lowering to meet her eyes. "Are you okay?"

She scoffed, her mind trying to comprehend all that'd just happened. She was left reeling from the sudden weight of Ed's touch and separated from him. "I'm fine." Her voice barely breached a whisper.

"Did you see anything?"

Lorraine finally met his eyes, but she couldn't tell him.

"No." She answered. "There's nothing here." She lied.

[robininthelabyrinth]

LXC is the legal guardian and adopter for LSZ or LJY, and NMJ has questions.

part 2 of the LJY-adopted-by-LQR fic (now also on ao3)

-

“So, did I knock you up before I went to war or something?” Nie Mingjue asked. “Because I feel like you should’ve mentioned it if that was the case. Possibly in a letter.”

Lan Xichen was so tired that it took him a solid minute to parse what was wrong with that sentence and how to respond, and it was not by following his first instinct to apologize that he should’ve written better letters.

“Stop making fun of me,” he said instead, groping towards some measure of dignity.

Sadly, dignity was in very short supply when you were taking care of babies. Multiple babies. Well, one baby and one toddler, which was somehow worse?

Lan Xichen was pretty sure they’d figured out how to time their crying off each other.

“I would never,” Nie Mingjue said, like a liar, and then he picked up little Jingyi and – Lan Xichen simply cannot find another way to put it – shook him, in a manner not unlike testing a melon for freshness.

For some reason, this made Lan Jingyi stop crying and start making snuffling little giggles instead.

“How did you do that?” Lan Xichen asked, eyes wide.

“Do what?” Nie Mingjue tucked the baby into the crook of his arm and scooped up some food off the table, offering it to him, and Lan Jingy actually ate it. “Xichen, are you feeling all right?”

“Shhh!” Lan Xichen hissed, eyes fixed on the baby, which was neither spitting up everything nor wailing as if his heart was broken. “No unnecessary noise during meals.”

Nie Mingjue snorted in amusement. “Sure,” he said amiably, in the tone Lan Xichen had long ago learned meant ‘nice rules you’ve got there, it’d be an awful shame if someone found a loophole in them’. “This isn’t a meal, though; it’s just a snack.”

Lan Xichen eyed the still-not-crying Lan Jingyi and decided that now was not the time for a spirited debate on the virtues of discipline and fulfilling the merits rather than the word of a rule.

“Where’s monster number one gone?” Nie Mingjue asked abruptly. “He must be very good at hiding, because I looked away for a blink of an eye and he was gone.”

Lan Xichen’s eyes slowly dropped down to where a cloth-covered lump was not-so-sneakily edging towards Nie Mingjue’s foot.

Nie Mingjue was one of the foremost front line fighters of their generation, and possibly the previous one as well. His physical ability was matched only by his incredibly keen senses.

There was no way he was not aware of the lump.

“It’s a real shame, too,” Nie Mingjue continued. “I was planning on doing a test of how far you can throw children, but I think monster two here’s a bit too small to make the test worthwhile. But I guess it just wasn’t meant to be –”

You can’t throw children, Lan Xichen was about to say, except Lan Sizhui was tearing off the tablecloth and jumping up in excitement, shouting, “Here! Here! I’m here! I’m big enough! You can throw me!”

“Why does he want to be thrown,” Lan Xichen murmured, bewildered. He’d never wanted to be thrown around as a child. Had he?

In fairness, he wasn’t sure. No one had ever offered.

Apparently, though, Lan Sizhui did very much want to be thrown around, and Lan Jingyi even condescended to allow Lan Xichen to hold him while he watched.

“Higher! Higher!” Lan Sizhui shouted.

“Really? Is this high enough?” Nie Mingjue held him up at eye level.

“Higher!”

“Like this?” Above his head.

“Higher!”

“You sure?”

“Yes!”

“All right. How about –” Baxia slithered out from her place by the door, zipping over until she was right in front of Nie Mingjue, allowing him to step onto her like a stair, and then zipping upwards to about hip-height, lifting Nie Mingjue and Lan Sizhui with her. They very nearly hit a tree branch with their heads. “– this?”

Lan Sizhui shrieked with laughter.  

“It’s too early to introduce them to flying,” Lan Xichen objected, because it was. “Mingjue-xiong…”

Nie Mingjue hopped down with a laugh. “All right, one last toss,” he told Lan Sizhui. “Then you nap. Okay?”

“Okay!” Lan Sizhui, who had never once willingly succumbed to naptime in the entirety of the time that Lan Xichen had known him, promised earnestly.

Back into the pile of soft grass he went, giggling the entire time, and amazingly enough he really did fall asleep afterwards. Lan Jingyi, too, had fallen asleep at some point.

“I’ve decided that your brother needs more experience running a sect,” Lan Xichen told Nie Mingjue, who raised his eyebrows. “Starting immediately. I promise to allow you to leave when Jingyi is, oh, shall we say five years old..?”

You could reason with a five year old. 

Nie Mingjue laughed.

It was a type of laugh that suggested that he thought Lan Xichen was making a joke. This was incorrect.

“You’d be amazed at how serious I am,” Lan Xichen told him threateningly, “I’m sect leader here, this is my territory, I can have you arrested any time –” but by that point Nie Mingjue was already bundling him off to bed, too, combing out his hair and plying him with snacks and –

This was not helping his argument that Lan Xichen should be allowing him to leave rather than keep him trapped in the Cloud Recesses as a babysitter-slash-love-slave. 

Well, he wouldn’t really do that, of course. He’d let him go. Eventually.

It’d probably be good for Nie Mingjue’s stress levels, honestly.

“Seriously, though, how did you do that?” he asked, his head on Nie Mingjue’s lap. “They didn’t cry once.”

“I’m good with kids,” Nie Mingjue said, his fingers digging into Lan Xichen’s scalp in just the right way. “Now can you explain to me how exactly you ended up with them? Two, no less?”

Lan Xichen groaned and covered his eyes with a hand. “Sizhui’s Wangji’s,” he explained. “Not biologically, but he’s put his name down in the family register under his own. But, you know…”

“I know.”

Lan Xichen appreciated that he didn’t need to go into it. The doctors had estimated that Lan Wangji would regain full mobility within three years, so that was the period the elders had mandated for his so-called ‘seclusion’, but with Lan Wangji being locked away like that – even with visitors, even though he was trying his hardest to care for the child from where he was – meant that someone had to care for the child’s day-to-day life until his brother was ready to resume the role.

“Jingyi is a cousin, I think,” he continued. “His parents are dead, and uncle accepted guardianship for him…I think he’s going to adopt him, actually.”

“Then why is he with you?”

“I volunteered.”

“Xichen, I say this with a full heart of affection and tremendous respect for your capabilities,” Nie Mingjue said. “But why in the world would you go and do a stupid thing like that?”

Lan Xichen sighed. The worst part was, he couldn’t even argue that it wasn’t stupid – he was, quite obviously, terrible with children.

“Uncle’s still injured from the war,” he admitted. In fact, his injury was probably even older than the war, dating as far back as the burning of the Cloud Recesses – his uncle had never been much of a fighter, his impressive cultivation strength stemming almost entirely from gentler arts like music and learning and meditation, but when his home and his family and his students were at risk, he’d fought, while Lan Xichen ran. Not just fought; he’d kept fighting long past the point that his body allowed. It only made sense for the bill to need to be paid. “He had a recurrence of an old complaint, not long ago; he started coughing up blood. The doctors insisted that he try to avoid anything that might cause him  stress.”

“Stress. Like, say, a rowdy infant?”

“Exactly like a rowdy infant,” Lan Xichen agreed, glad that Nie Mingjue did not mention that what had happened with Lan Wangji was also likely a source of stress. At least the two of them had slowly started to repair their relationship recently – the heartbreak would kill their uncle sooner than anything else, and Lan Xichen might be weak, but he really couldn’t tolerate the idea of suffering any more loss.

And also, if Lan Wangji could see his way to forgiving their uncle, he might one day agree to forgive Lan Xichen, too.

“I see. So you ended up with the little one, too.”

“Yes. And they hate me.” Nie Mingjue coughed a little. “No, don’t deny it. They clearly hate me. They always cry and spit and yell -”

“They’re children, Xichen,” Nie Mingjue said. “Traumatized children. They do that.”

Lan Xichen didn’t need to open his eyes to know that Nie Mingjue was frowning in memory of pain long past. Lan Xichen remembered, with painful clarity, how young Nie Huaisang had been when Lao Nie had died, how badly he had taken it.

There’d been a lot of crying and vomiting and yelling there as well.

“You’re good with kids,” Lan Xichen said instead of commenting, trading delicacy for delicacy; he would not touch Nie Mingjue’s still-bleeding wounds just as Nie Mingjue avoided his own. “Very good.”

“Well, I like to think so, anyway.”

They remained in blissful, comfortable silence for a while.

“How would it have even worked?” Lan Xichen finally asked. His eyes were still closed, Nie Mingjue’s fingers running through his hair; he never wanted to move again.

“Hmm?”

“If you knocked me up before you went to war. I mean, they’re not even the same age.”

“Well, one of them’s from the affair, obviously.”

“I’m sorry, am I cheating on you now?” Lan Xichen opened an eye and pinned Nie Mingjue with a fierce look that instructed his lover to reconsider.

“Of course not,” Nie Mingjue said, mock-solemnly. His eyes were dancing. “You were so distraught after receiving incorrect news of my untimely demise that you conducted a ghost marriage with my spirit, and then went and had a child to continue my name.”

“…they’re both surnamed Lan.”

“So what? Are you saying I’m not good enough to marry into your sect, is that it?”

Lan Xichen’s cheeks were hurting from trying not to laugh. “I wouldn’t dream of implying such a thing.”

“There you go, then.”

“Can I ask why I felt the need to have a child to continue your name if I had one already?”

“…well, fuck,” Nie Mingjue said. “I’ve got nothing.”

Lan Xichen burst out laughing.

[ladyfogg]

King of Wands

King of Wands

Fic Summary: When you first started with the show, Jimmy asked for a reading but you turned him away because it wasn’t time. Now that he’s sitting in front of you and the cards are all laid out, it’s time to tell him exactly what his future holds. 

Fic Rating: 18+

Pairing: Jimmy Darling/Female Reader

Warnings: Smut. Just, lots of smut. 

A/N: Look, thought of this and wrote it in the last two hours. Just needed to get this gem out of my brain. 

You’re a reader. 

A tarot reader that is. 

It started when you were a child and your grandmother passed away. She gifted you the set that belonged to her mother and hers before that. Your mother never bought into tarot cards and had refused the family heirloom. The moment those cards were placed in your hand, however, everything changed. 

You were obsessed, pouring over the little instructional book day after day, memorizing each card and what they meant. It wasn’t until you performed your first reading that you realized the obsession went far deeper than you ever realized. 

You began to see the cards just by looking at someone. You couldn’t explain it. It was subtle at first, just the card name floating through your mind. But then it became visual, sort of like when photographs were overlaid over each other. You knew exactly what card you would pull before you even started shuffling. And you were always right. 

It scared people. 

At first, you were labeled a fraud; shamed for a gift you had no control over. Then you were hated. People tended to get a bit cranky when you revealed their spouse was cheating on them or that you knew about the little money laundering scheme they had going on. But they were furious when you told them the depths of their character. They didn’t like when you peered into their soul and made them face the parts of themselves they kept locked away. 

One day, they stormed your house, ready to run you out of town. You barely had time to grab your grandmother’s cards before fleeing into the darkness. 

That’s when you met Elsa. And everything changed. See, she had heard about your gifts and had come to check you out herself. She was The Moon. You saw it the second you laid your eyes on her. Fear and anxiety, but full of intuition and illusions of grandeur. You liked her and you knew that you would be safe with her and her show. Though, you warned her that if she didn’t deal with her past trauma it would come back to bite her in the ass. 

She laughed at your boldness. 

That first night you slept more peacefully than you had in years. You were given a trailer, one that would act as your home and your workspace. For the first time in your life, you had a home that was all yours and you cherished it just as much as your grandmother’s cards. The house you lived in before with your parents never felt like home. Not since you started reading cards. 

You didn’t meet everyone until the next morning at breakfast. Bette and Dot certainly were an interesting pair. Dot seemed indifferent to your appearance, Bette was nice and overly curious about your cards. Ma Petite was the sweetest person you ever met and Eve was an Amazonian vision. You met the others as well, but they were the ones who took you under their wings and showed you the ropes. 

Well, them, and Jimmy. 

Jimmy Darling. 

From the moment he walked into the food tent you couldn’t take your eyes off him. Those deep brown eyes, curly hair, strong arms...he drove you to distraction. At least, that’s what you assumed it was when you didn’t see a card for him. You saw one for everyone else. In fact, the others insisted you read for them so they could see what you could do. 

You humored them, mostly because you wanted to impress your new friends but also because you wanted the practice. 

“What do you see?” Bette asked as drew three cards and laid them out before her and Dot. 

“Don’t get your hopes up, Bette,” Dot said with her signature firm voice. “Tarot reading ain’t a skill. These people are just very perspective and use the cards as a way to swindle you.”

“You’re wrong and right,” you told her, still staring at your cards. “It’s a skill but most people do use it for personal gain. I however have nothing to gain other than getting these damn pictures out of my head.”

“What sort of pictures?” Bette asked. 

“The cards. I can look at a person and know exactly what card I’m going to pull.”

“What do you see when you look at me?”

You tap the first card. “The Sun Reversed. Means overly optimistic and feeling down. You need to let your inner child come out and play. Have some fun in your life, honey.”

Bette smiled while Dot rolled her eyes. “I try,” she said. “But she won’t let me have any fun.”

“If I let you have the fun you want, we’d get pregnant,” Dot said. 

You chuckled as you kept looking. “Next card is The Lovers Reversed. You don’t love yourself or respect yourself.”

At that, Bette's face fell and she pursed her lips together. 

“You’re facing a tough choice with significant consequences,” you continued, now looking directly at her and not the cards. "Stop punishing yourself. Whatever you did, those consequences are behind you now, and dwelling on it isn’t going to change what happened.”

You tap the last card, still maintaining eye contact as you watch the card of Death appear behind Bette's head like the backdrop on a stage. “Something will be coming to an end. There’s a transition on the horizon and if you don’t deal with what’s in here,” you tap her chest where her heart is. “Then you’ll be blind to the opportunities in front of you.”

“Horseshit,” Dot muttered. “All of that was general. Nothing specific that would apply to either of us.”

“Those cards weren’t for you,” you told her, tearing your eyes away from Bette who was chewing on her nail in thought. “Those were for Bette. I don’t draw cards for people who don’t want them.”

“Well fine then, draw one for me,” Dot said, her voice tinged with challenge. “What card do you see for me?”

“Five of Swords.” You draw the next card in the deck, laying the Five of Swords right in front of her. “The recent battle you fought cost you more than you realize. It cost you trust, respect, and dignity. Moving forward is going to be more difficult than you thought. You should probably decide whether your point of view is so important to you that you’re willing to put your closest and ONLY relationship in jeopardy.”

Dot is unimpressed while Bette covers her smile with her hand. “Obviously you stacked the deck,” Dot accused. “I bet if another card were chosen you’d say something completely different.”

“Well, obviously. But another card won’t be chosen.” You shrugged and gathered all the cards, tucking them back into the deck which you then handed to her. “Shuffle yourself.”

With Bette's help, Dot shuffled the deck, twisting cards multiple times and being a lot rougher with the ancient set than you were comfortable with. You winced at the way she treated them, making a mental note to buy a set that your clients could handle instead of using your personal one. 

Dot slammed the deck down on the table and waited. You smirked and gestured for her to draw a card. 

The Five of Swords gleamed in the light of the tent. Dot's face hardened and she abruptly stood. “We have practice to get to. We don’t have time to sit around listening to a charlatan,” she declared. 

Unfazed, you scooped up the deck and gently shuffled. “Whatever you say, grumpy.”

She stalked off, barely giving Bette a chance to wave goodbye. 

Jimmy took her place at the seat across from you. he looked incredibly amused. “Day one and you’re already making friends,” he teased. “That was some reading. I saw the others you did too. Seems like you know your stuff.”

You smiled at him but your smile faded when you suddenly realized, you couldn’t see any card. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. All you saw was him. 

Jimmy placed his hands on the table expectantly. “Alright, tarot reader. Tell me my future.”

“Sorry, I can’t.” You had never met someone who didn’t have a card and you suddenly worried that something was wrong with you. 

“Ah, hey, that’s not fair,” he said. “I deserve a reading just like everyone else. Come on, doll face. What do you see?”

You considered the situation as you shuffled the card, with such ease and skill it was like the cards were floating between your hands and fingers. “It’s not your time for a reading,” you declared. “Sorry, Jimmy. Maybe some other time.”

As you stood up, Jimmy leaned back in his seat with a smirk. “Playing hard to get, sugar? That’s alright. I’m a patient man. I can wait.”

The circus became the place where you finally belonged. Everyone became family and over the years, your talent and act grew. Soon, your grandmother’s cards were only one of the twelve sets you used. You did most of your work while people were waiting for the show to start. Your trailer was set just next to the main tent so those in line or waiting could come in for a reading. You made decent money too, which of course went right back into the circus to help everyone. 

Your powers grew as your act did. Soon you could see and learn things about someone that you couldn’t possibly know otherwise. The cards helped get things started but once you were deep in a reading, everything else came right from your own mind. 

Every time someone tried to find a way to indicate you were cheating them, you made changes. At first, they said it was because you stacked the deck, so you started having them pick which one they wanted you to use. Then they said you cheated because you could see which one they picked right away and somehow used that the cheat, so you wrapped every deck in the same identical black silk cloth. 

The table was left bare. No books or anything else during readings. You didn’t need the books anymore anyway since you knew each deck by heart. The person would sit and you saw the images just as clearly as you saw them. 

Except for Jimmy. He was the one and only person who never had a card. It annoyed you but eventually, you came to cherish it. Because when you two were together, all you saw was him. You never got distracted by the pictures. Over time, you and Jimmy became close friends. 

Often after a show, the two of you would sit outside and look at the stars, talking for hours. Your feelings for him grew, but you kept them to yourself. He was the first friend you ever had and you didn’t want to mess up the friendship by telling him how you felt. 

Of course, the universe had other plans. As it often did. 

It was nearly five years later and you were in your trailer, cleaning up for the evening when there was a sharp knock on the door. Not expecting anyone, you frowned and peeked out the curtained window before opening the door.

Jimmy stood on the steps, hands on his hips and jaw clenched. You immediately knew something was wrong and stepped aside to let him in. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” you asked, heading to the small kitchenette to pour him some tea you had just made yourself. 

“Oh, you know, the usual. Being called freaks and getting shit thrown at us,” Jimmy grumbled as he paced. “I get so fucking tired of it. We deserve to be treated with respect just like everyone else. And no matter how hard we try they never fucking see that.”

“I’m sorry, babe. I know how much this weighs on you. I wish there was something I could do to help.”

“Why do you stay with us?” 

His question made you look over at him with confusion. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, you could go anywhere you want. Do your act for yourself. Why do you stay here?”

For you.

“This is my home and my family, where else would I go?”

He collapsed into your kitchen chair. “You deserve more, you know. Someone—” He caught himself and paused. “Something else. Something better.”

You turned around to tell him that you had no intention of going anywhere when your vision was assaulted by bright lights and the image of the King of Wands. It was so sudden and unexpected that you gasped, letting the teacup slip from your fingers and shatter on the floor. The moment you staggered backward, Jimmy was out of his seat with his arms around your waist to catch you. 

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, easy there, doll face. Don’t wanna bump that pretty head of yours,” he said. “You alright?”

Grabbing his biceps to steady yourself, you shut your eyes and nodded. “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine, just give me a minute.”

This was the first time in your entire friendship that the two of you touched. Sure there was an occasional handhold or pat on the knee, but he had never put his arms around you and, in truth, it was the best feeling in the world. Unable to stop yourself, you stepped into the embrace, burying your face in his neck. Jimmy held you tight, his nose in your hair. You were so close you could hear his heart racing and when his hand made a slow trail down your spine, you shuddered. 

“Take all the time you need, darlin’. I ain’t complaining.”

You smiled and pulled back just enough to look him in the eye. “It’s time for your reading.”

He quirked his eyebrow in amusement. “That what the kids are calling it nowadays?”

Laughing, you reluctantly stepped out of his arms and patted him on the chest. “I’m serious. I can finally see your card.”

“Hot damn. Must be my lucky day.”

You stepped over the broken cup, too focused on other things to care. As you took your seat, you waved to the shelf with your cards. “Take your pick.”

No longer angry, Jimmy looked incredibly amused at the change of events. “You’ve got a strange definition of foreplay, but I’ll play along.”

You rolled your eyes in amusement as he walked up to the shelf, hands shoved in his pockets. He was as handsome as he ever was. His looks only improved with time and the white sleeveless shirt and finely tailored pants helped a great deal. Often you had to stop yourself from just staring at him. Unless he was on stage. Then, you tucked yourself in the back and watched him with shameless love and affection in your soul. 

It took him a while to pick a deck, but when he did, he gingerly plucked it off the shelf and sat down with it. 

“Unwrap the cards and shuffle,” you told him. 

“I love it when you get all bossy.”

“For Christ’s sake, Jimmy, just shuffle the damn cards.”

He chuckled, placing the cards on the table and carefully undoing the ribbon that bound them. When the cloth fell away, you found yourself staring at your grandmother’s cards. They almost never were picked nowadays. Truthfully, you were the only one to use them in the last two or so years. 

“So what card do you see for me, doll face?” Jimmy asked, shuffling the deck. His hands fumbled a few times but eventually, he got the hang of it. 

“The King of Wands.”

Jimmy smirked. “I know I’m good in bed but damn, I didn’t know I was a king.”

“Not that wand, Jimmy. Well...maybe that wand but I don’t know yet. Just shuffle and draw a card.”

“Why now?” He kept his eyes on you as he shuffled. “We’ve known each other five years and you never gave me a reading. The one time I asked, you said it wasn’t time.”

“You know it’s because I didn’t see a card for you.”

“Yeah, but why do you see one now?”

“Fuck if I know.”

Jimmy placed the deck down and drew a card. 

The High Priestess. No. No, that’s not right. You’ve never been wrong in your entire life. A chill ran down your spine and you frowned as you looked at the card. Jimmy’s card wasn’t the High Priestess. 

“Looks like you were wrong, sugar,” Jimmy said. “That’s weird. I’ve never known you to be wrong.”

“That’s because I’m not. Draw another card.”

“Darlin’, it’s okay—”

“Humor me, Jimmy. Just draw again.”

Jimmy shrugged and drew another card, placing it next to the first. The Lovers. “Still not the King of Wands,” he said. “Look, it’s been a long day. I’m sure after doing all those readings you’re bound to be a little off.”

“Draw one more.” Jimmy said your name softly but you just shook your head. “Draw again, Jimmy.”

Jimmy sighed and drew another card and your heart lept. The King of Wands.

“There you are you sneaky bastard,” you said. “Now what the hell…” You cut yourself off when you realized what the cards meant. Images and sounds came rushing to you all at once and suddenly, you started laughing. Full on, deep belly, laughing. 

Jimmy looked bewildered. “Have you lost your damn mind? What’s so funny?”

“You just gave me a reading.”

“Come again?”

You point to him. “You, Jimmy Darling, just read MY tarot cards.”

“But I ain’t no card reader.” 

“Tonight you are apparently. See, this card is yours.” You point to the King of Wands before tapping the High Priestess. “And this one is mine.”

Jimmy looked down at the three cards. The High Priestess, The Lovers, and the King of Wands. His face broke out in a wide smile. “Well, shit,” he said, leaning back in his seat. “Looks like we have a long night ahead of us.”

The both of you were out of your seats in the blink of an eye. When your lips finally met for the first time, it was like your world exploded. Every nerve in your body felt like it was on fire and that only amplified times a thousand when Jimmy got his hands on you. He pulled at your shirt, tugging it out of your skirt so he could reach underneath. You gasped into his mouth the moment his skin made contact with yours and he groaned in response, palming your braless breasts with a rough squeeze. 

“Fuck,” you swore. “Jimmy, I want you so fucking bad.”

“Oh, you’ll have me, doll face. All of me.”

He backed you against the wall of the trailer, mouth devouring yours like he was the hungriest man alive and you were the best meal he ever had. Teeth clashed together in your excitement and you were sure your lips were going to be swollen by the end of the night. 

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted this,” he went on, yanking your skirt up to bunch around your waist. His hands grabbed your thighs, giving them an excited squeeze as he yanked you against his chest. “You drive me damn crazy, woman. Always have. Seeing you walking around with this body and this mouth. The things I’ve wanted to do to you. Lost count of how many times I’ve touched myself thinking about you.”

You whimpered at his words, wet with arousal and lust. “Show me.”

Jimmy pulled back to give you that damn irresistible smirk of his. “Kinky. I like that.”

You tugged on his belt, undoing it and pulling it from the loops. “You have no idea, baby.”

Jimmy growled deep in his throat, giving you another kiss before taking over the task of ridding himself of his pants. God, he was magnificent. Long and thick and begging for your touch or mouth. Or both. Jimmy placed a hand on the wall by your head, keeping his eyes locked on yours as he started stroking himself. You wanted to look since that was the whole point, but you couldn’t tear your eyes away from those dark brown ones. 

You’d never seen eyes like his. They pierced into your very soul and saw you for who you truly were. 

“Come on, darlin’,” he panted. “You said you wanted me to show you. The least you could do is look.”

So you looked. 

Fuck it was hot. Seeing his hand wrapped around his cock, jerking himself off for you, was more than you could handle. You dropped to your knees, pushing his hands away and taking the tip of him into your mouth. 

Jimmy’s hand fell to your head and he swore out your name followed by a loud, drawn-out, “Fuuuuck!”

It took you a moment to get a good rhythm going. Truth be told, you were severely out of practice. Ever since you saw Jimmy, you hadn’t wanted anyone else. You flirted every now and then with a client, but it never went further because you knew none of them would match up to him. 

You sucked Jimmy off eagerly, closing your eyes and losing yourself in the heady taste of him. He moaned and grunted, urging you on with words of encouragement. You always loved his voice and could listen to him sing for hours. But this was a different kind of song. This was one you knew you couldn’t live without. His hips thrust along with your mouth, burying himself as far into your throat as he could go. 

“Shit, doll face. Why the fuck haven’t we been doing this this whole time?” he groaned, tugging on your hair. “You better stop before this is over embarrassingly soon.”

Pulling off him with a pop, you dragged your tongue along the length of him before smirking. “Thought you would have more stamina than that, Jimmy-boy.”

He yanked you up onto your feet and shoved you back against the wall. “Oh trust me, darlin’. I have plenty.”

His mouth covered yours again as his hand disappeared under your skirt. Jimmy’s hands had drawn your attention but not for the reasons he would have thought. Even when he was self-conscious about them, you admired them. You had heard plenty of stories about his sexual exploits and wished that one day you would experience what he could do. 

He rubbed you through your panties, drawing a gasp out of you as he filled your mouth with his tongue before biting your bottom lip as he pulled away. Jimmy wanted eye contact when he slid his hand under that soft fabric, his finger gently making contact with your clit before he pressed down hard. You shouted in surprise, lust coursing through your veins instantly. 

“You’re already wet, baby,” Jimmy cooed, placing the gentlest of kisses on your neck as he continued to draw hard circles around your clit. “Sure know how to stoke a man’s ego.”

“It’s all you, Jimmy,” you panted, already breathless and eager. “It’s only ever been you.”

He paused, gaze softening. “Ever?”

“Well, not ever ever but definitely since the day we met.”

A second later, his finger slid inside you and with a gasp you grabbed his shoulders, arching your back in a futile attempt to draw yourself closer to him. He smashed his mouth against yours, kissing away what little breath you had and making your knees buckle. Dear lord, he was magnificent. His thick finger stretched you better than you ever thought possible, certainly better than your own had. And if you were this worked up from his hand alone, you couldn’t wait for his cock. 

Jimmy rested his forehead against yours, watching your face as he pleasured you. Your eyes stayed closed but you could still feel the stare, sense his smile as your breaths mingled together. When he leaned against you, you could feel the hardness of his cock. Teasingly, you raised your leg to press your thigh against it and he groaned as precum leaked onto your skin. 

“Fuck me, Jimmy,” you begged shamelessly. 

“Oh, I will, doll face. Once you cum first.”

It didn’t take long for him to make that happen. Just a few more deep strokes and you convulsed against him, still trapped between his body and the wall. Stars exploded behind your eyelids and as you threw your head back, Jimmy latched onto your neck, sucking greedily. He was still at it when you came back down from your high. 

“You’re gonna leave a mark,” you slurred, reaching down to grab his wrist so he’d give you a second to recover. His finger slipped out but he kept his hand on your thigh, his thumb stroking the soft flesh. 

“That’s the plan.”

Laughing softly, you dragged your eyes open when he pulled away, only to be met with the beautiful sight of a disheveled and red-cheeked Jimmy Darling. 

“You are the most beautiful person I have ever seen,” you said. 

“I take it you don’t own a mirror. Because you’re far more beautiful than I am.”

“Actually, I do. In the bedroom.” You smirked and nodded over your shoulder to the beaded curtain that separated your sleeping space from the rest of the trailer. “Wanna take a look?”

“Been waiting for you to ask that for years.”

Giggling like school children, you grabbed Jimmy’s hand and pulled him into the room. He stepped out of his shoes and pants along the way, leaving them behind. Your room could barely be called that. It didn’t have space for anything other than your bed and a few decorations on the wall. One of which was a large ornate mirror you had found at an antique shop some time ago. Its bronzed frame shone in the moonlight that filtered in through the tiny window.

Jimmy admired it briefly, staring at your reflection as you climbed onto the bed. “Clothes off, doll face,” he said, yanking his shirt off. “Let me finally see all of you.”

You stripped slowly and deliberately, taking off each layer with careful movements if for no other reason than to give Jimmy the show he deserved. When you were finally, naked, he let out a strangled moan, reaching down to touch himself again. “Fucking hell, you’re just a pretty as I always thought you were.”

“I’m even prettier up close.” You spread your legs for him as you settled against the mound of pillows behind you. 

Grinning, Jimmy climbed onto the bed, crawling towards you with catlike grace. As you leaned up for a kiss, he granted your desire, cupping your cheek to hold you there for a moment. A second later, his hand grasped your neck and he shoved you onto your back before burying his face between your legs. 

His roughness thrilled you right down to your core, which he drank from excitedly. Those lips. That mouth. You knew he had a quick tongue but fuck you never knew how quick it was. He had you soaked from his spit in no time, his tongue switching between flicking at your clit and licking slow stripes along your seam. The teasing didn’t last long. He was too worked up and ready for more. His finger slid into you again as he wrapped his lips around your clit and sucked. 

“Jesus, Jimmy!” you exclaimed, clamping your thighs around his head and burying your hands in that wonderfully curly hair. “Baby, you have no idea what you do to me.”

He drew back just enough to smirk up at you. “I’ve got some idea.” 

His fingers and hand were drenched in your arousal and you weren’t even the least bit ashamed about it. After all these years, to finally be able to touch him and have him touch you was too much to handle. You were never one to play coy and you sure as hell weren’t going to start now. 

“Fuck me already!”

“So damn impatient,” Jimmy teased, still fingering you as he kissed your inner thigh. “You really want it that bad, don’t you?”

You yanked his hair so his eyes met yours. “You do too. I know it.”

Eyes dancing with lust, Jimmy’s hand slipped out from between your legs. He crawled up the rest of your body and pulled you into a harsh kiss. You could taste yourself on him and a sense of possessiveness washed over you. It disappeared and was replaced by instant pleasure a second later when he pushed his cock into you. 

You both groaned so loud, you knew the others could hear you outside. 

Jimmy took you so hard, you could feel the trailer rocking along with his trusts. Not that you minded. Nope. Quite the opposite. You wanted more. You wanted all of him, everything he could give. Five years was too damn long to hold back. You never felt so stretched and full before. The world around you melted away and all you were left with was Jimmy finally claiming your body for himself. 

“Perfect. Such a good girl,” he praised into your ear, his hips jerking against yours with a hard steady rhythm. “Always knew you’d take it well. All mine now, darlin’. No one else gets this sweet pussy but me, we understand?”

“Only you, Jimmy,” you cooed, more than happy to give yourself to him completely. On one condition. You grabbed his chin and forced him to look at you. “And you’re mine.”

He grinned. “If you say so.”

You pushed against him until he sat back on his heels and you were able to climb onto his lap. He slid back into you with ease as you rode him, his hands gripping your ass so tight you knew he’d leave marks. Jimmy turned his head and it was your turn to attack his neck with kisses and love bites. You saw how women looked at him, you weren’t stupid. When they saw the way you marked him, they wouldn’t look anymore. Not if they knew what was good for them. 

“We look good, doll face,” he panted, watching your reflections in the mirror. “Like we were made for each other.”

You pressed your cheek against his and also watched, your bodies grinding and writhing, begging for sweet release. “We were.”

You came not too long after, too tired and worked up to hold back. Jimmy fucked you through it, biting his lip as his own orgasm overtook him. With a groan, he threw his head back and came inside you, filling you up with his release until he was spent and both slumped against each other panting. 

Sloppy kisses were exchanged as Jimmy laid the both of you down. You remained in your sweaty, tangled embrace, neither one of you wanting to pull away now that you could finally touch each other. Even when you caught your breath, you stayed there, you stroking Jimmy’s chest and him running his fingers through your hair. 

“You never told me what my card meant,” he said after some time had passed. His voice was soft from fatigue and he sounded more relaxed than he had been in days. 

“The King of Wands represents pure, fiery energy. He’s a natural-born leader, a visionary. But doesn’t go forward alone. He’s all about caring for those around him and enlisting their help to realize his vision. He’s someone who’s here to leave a legacy.”

“Hmm,” Jimmy hummed in amusement. “I like the sound of that.”

“You create your own destiny. You create the outcome you want. Now, the only question is, what is it you want?”

Jimmy smiled down at you, reaching up to cup your cheek. “Already got what I want right here, sugar.”

With a smile, you kissed him. The both of you remained that way for some time, each kiss getting softer and gentler, until you both fell asleep, wrapped in each other’s arms.