#the only people i never mask around normally is my bestie and my brother but that’s cos they’re both autistic too

[danrifics]

btw someone asked me on anon why i was so weird recently (the unhinged era i keep referring to) um it’s cos i decided i’m not masking anymore 🕺🏻 like i used to not completely mask online but have enough of a mask on that i felt like a normal person but i’ve decided i’m just tired of that so here we are

[moonmeg]

What do you think of Belos? How do you think his story is going to progress?

Honestly I hope he dies ❤️

I think 400 years is enough, buddy, you're literally walking around as a goop/mud monster and decomposing by the minute. You've been to earth again. You stayed there for MONTHS. You most certainly saw the changes. And you still think you're going to be celebrated as great witch hunter? Bestie, you're delusional 😭🤚

No, seriously. I've said this more than once but while I absolutely hate him as a character himself, I love him as villain. He's one of my favorite Disney TVA villains. He's brilliant at that.

The thing with him however is... as much as I detest him, I pity him.

Being born in the 1600s is already a hard blow

He was only a little kid when he lost both parents and had only his older brother to care for him and love him unconditionally. If you research the Puritan way of living, it's safe to say his childhood was just sad and bland. He was able to escape that grayness of life with his brother. Caleb went against the rules and carved his baby brother a sword and mask, played witch hunt with him and just let Philip have fun. (Toys and fun are/were not exactly things Puritans looked upon fondly)

They didn't fit in with their new home. All they had was each other. Caleb was his last family and possibly his only friend. They were outcasts but they were outcasts together, dreaming of a better future together.

Caleb was always there. He was always around. Until suddenly he wasn't anymore. His brother had followed someone else into another world. Into a world that consits of everything they wanted to destroy. Caleb wouldn't go there on his own. Not in his right mind. He wouldn't just leave. He must've been forced to go by a third party.

Philip wants to get his brother back. He wants to save him, return with him home. He follows him, searches for him desperately and possibly was close to encountering death more than once during that search. And when he found him, his brother wasn't in distress. His brother was happy. He had lived there without any difficulties all this time.

He lived there with his lover.

His witch lover.

His pregnant witch lover.

Caleb chose to come here and chose to stay. He chose to leave Philip behind. Voluntarily.

Was it fully rational or more a reaction in rage? Planned or fully by accident? Whatever it was, Philip found himself having made a terrible mistake. His brother was dead. Stabbed by Philip's own hand. In attempt to save Caleb and get him back, he lost him entirely and can never get him back. But he needs Caleb. That's why he came to this world in the first place: to bring him back to earth and continue working towards their goal of being great witch hunters. But that can be no more. Philip no longer can have his brother by his side in this mission. Unless...

He creates a new Caleb. A living being that is almost identical to his deceased brother but one that doesn't betray him. A better Caleb. The perfect Caleb. He attempts the perfect Caleb once... twice... again... and again.... and again. They keep betraying him. They keep going against him. They never stay on his side. Just like the actual Caleb has done years before.

"Philip" slowly gets banned from one town to the next, all around the Boiling Isles, so he needs a new name.

He can't continue his mission as human, so he pretends to be one of the witches. He cuts his ears to resemble the pointy witch ears, he finds a way to live long past behind what is a normal human life span and he finds a new ally to help him achieve his goal. As "Belos", his newfound alias, he goes around the Isles playing the role of a prophet. He uses what to the people of the Isles is the equivalent of a god to get the witches and demons on his side. The way they have been living is wrong, he preaches and in his favor "helps" them to live like the Titan intended. He gains more and more influence and power until he becomes Emperor and nobody doubts him. The only doubts come from his right hand men: the replicas of his long dead brother.

He keeps getting rid of them and creating new ones, always hoping this time it's a different outcome. This time Caleb won't betray him.

At this point, he has lost sanity and is beyond all savings.

His body is barely human anymore, yet he keeps telling himself he still is human. That his home might have changed over the course of centuries doesn't strike his mind. He's determined to finally succeed in a 400 year old mission he created with Caleb, whatever it may cost.

The Philip he once was, died along with his brother.

And he is so close to reaching his goal and still fails. But he's still determined to keep going. The image of his brother is haunting him, silently watching almost emotionless at what he's become.

But Caleb has no right to be mad. He's the root to this all. Had Caleb not left, had he stayed with Philip on earth, all this wouldn't have happened. It's Caleb's fault. It's all Caleb's fault.

His life could almost pass as Greek tragedy and I love that. I love the complexity of his character. It's amazing.

[applesjuice]

By that, I meant what was his life, how did he come to be in a human family, if he goes to school, etc etc...

Oooh ok! So in my version of the AU ogerpon stuck around the mask maker's family for generations, just to check in. He was too scared to go into the town and luckily their house was on the outskirts. The older members of the family had a bit of an idea he was there so they'd leave little offerings like toys and treats out for him to take.

Putting under a cut since it got super long again...

It wasnt until the current generation of the family that he really got involved and that was because of Carmine. It has been ages since the family had a kid there. The younger family members tended to move away and then come back when they were older. But Carmine's parents passed away and her grandparents were the only ones willing to take her in. She was really young when this happened and tended to get into a lot of trouble.

So Ogerpon and Carmine had a bit of a Totoro situation going on initially. As she got older she kind of "outgrew" her imaginary friend ogerpon and her grandparents just knew that hurt the ogre. They actually approached ogerpon themselves one day, hiked up to his den and everything, and explained about how the Teal Mask worked, and how they could tweek it a bit to offer one wish. It was a comet sliver similar to what was found in the crystal pool. Their family had been holding onto it for generarions specifically for ogerpon, and they thought maybe now their relationship was good enough he'd accept it.

So ogerpon did and wished to be a human so he could have a family and people who loved him and wouldnt forget or leave him. And now suddenly there's a little boy who looks like them, no way they're not bringing him home. Only thing is ogerpon is a pokemon and doesnt know how to human, so for a while he won't go inside their house and would hide under the porch and need to be hosed down for bathtime.

Carmine obviously had questions but luckily she didnt know where babies came from so they told her thats your little brother he grew from a peach and she's like "sounds legit." There werent any other kids her age in town at the time so she genuinely thought Kieran was weird but he is a boy and boys are weird so him living under the porch for a few months is normal.

Eventually ogerpon grows into being the human named Kieran, gets domesticated lol, and is very happy. But also terrified of anyone finding out he's a pokemon, let alone the ogre. He has issues around crowds, new people, and doesnt really get social cues but he's trying. Him and Carmine are homeschooled because they are in the middle of nowhere, but Carmine loves pokemon and battling and works her butt off to get into BB academy. So she goes off and leaves Kieran behind.

So Kieran comes to the decision he wants to go to human school too. He like, needs Carmine, in that she is his buffer against the world. But also he heard how Carmine fought with their grandparents about wanting go to school, experience the world etc. And even though all he really wants is to belong somewhere, he is very curious about human school.

Only this human school is focused on battle. Kieran has never been in a pokemon battle but ogerpon sure has. And honestly ogerpon doesnt mind battling, he's a pokemon, it's how they communicate and settle arguements. Thing is "humans" can't battle eachother apparently that is illegal so he goes out and asks his besties if they want to go to human school with him as their trainer. (So Furret, Yanma and Applin) they think the idea is hilarious because pokemon dont direct other pokemon in battles. Lets go mess with everyone in human school lol.

So my Kieranpon battles. It's more rare since he is afraid of outing hiself by accidentally boosting his team's stats in excitement. That has happened before. And guess what they get in. Carmine is shook because wtf Kiki you don't battle?? Yes he does you just never asked.

BB Academy is incredibly overwhelming and Kieran becomes a wallflower almost instantly because it is taking so much out of him to adjust. But the Terrarium is fantastic, he loves it. He gets a bit of a reputation as a pokemom whisperer but its kind of more the campus meme no one really takes seriously. But they should because you should hear half of the shit these pokemon tell him about their trainers. He knows all the gossip. Everyone should be glad he writes like a toddler because Kieranpon's burn book would be devastating.

Teal Mask DLC would go pretty similarly, except Kieran's upset about the ogre is an old frustration at Carmine for not believing him, and as a result believing IN him (ogerpon). I'll use Juliana as the protagonist here though it wouldn't change if it's Florian. But his downward spiral is because of Carmine immediately believing their grandfather when he says ogerpon is good but not him even though he's been trying to convince her for years! And then she's trying to be all nice to the ogre but is going out of her way to leave him out, and so his his new friend wtf? It hurts to be purposefully left out of something, it really does.

So Kieran's downward spiral is more about Carmine not trusting him, coming to terms with how she doesnt remember how close they were when she was young because she adored the ogre so much then. And his overall upset that despite trying so hard to be a human its not enough because he became a whope person for her, so she wouldnt be lonely, and she's moved on from him, keeps trying to leave him behind, and won't meet him at where he's trying to come from. So yea Carmine discovers her brother is a pokemon after they get back ogerpon's masks. cue the drama.

She's mad, kieran's mad and very upset, their grandparents are trying to mediate. But once again kieran is a pokemon and pokemon don't talk to sort out their issues they battle. Ogerpon wiped the floor with Carmine's pokemon becauae they are still underestimating him (also he's like...a pseudo legendary?? Girl) So juliana steps in and she gets it. They battle, she's everything he wishes he could be as a person, she's everything he's not but through their battle he understands her fears, her flaws, how much she's struggled and finally someone gets where he is coming from. She beats him and kieran offers to let her catch him. Carmine is upset because wtf that is still her brother you can't take him so then she challenges Juliana to keep ogerpon.

Their fight is more Juliana trying to get through to Carmine that catching ogerpon isnt about ownership but more of a symbolic gesture that ogerpon (kieran) is ready to be loved, to be tamed. Juliana wins, catches ogerpon with a friendship ball, and gives it to Carmine.

Like she said catching a pokemon isnt always about posession or ownership. It's a connection between a person and pokemon. Her and kieran may have a connection but that doesn't mean ogerpon (kieran) is now hers.

Indigo Disk there is some drama but it's more Kieran needing to prove he can protect himself (he lost to Juliana she was a strong trainer and he wouldn't mind being a partner to her) but kieranpon here is working through some ptsd after the Loyal Three came back to life and stole his masks. So it's Carmine and his team trying to help him cope and stop being so self destructive. He's snappy but not cocky, more like zero patience because he's so exhausted from lack of sleep and constantly being terrified. More than once he'd accidentally stepped onto the court sending "himself" out to battle and other league members are like "this kid is wild kieran is nuts he tried to throw down with my slowbro"

Indigo Disk is the we face our trauma dlc. BB elite four eventually find out, not from Carmine or Juliana thet are very tight lipped about Kieran's secret. Not too sure atm how they find out but they do. Kieran needs more human friends who accept both sides of him.

Not sure about ships yet. I like kieran with the mc but not too sure on my feelings of shipping a pokemon with a human. Maybe him and Juliana would have a queerplatonic relationship going on? But no ships for now.

Also post indigo disk kieran loves Juliana's paladea friends. He think Nemona is stupidly cool she's literally a shonen protagonist he's kind of obsessed. Arven is secretly his favorite person in the world because Arven feeds him. Him and Penny have this oh thank god another introvert thing going on where they both like sitting in the dark and fluffy things.

[najatheangel]

𝐌𝐲 𝐁𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐞

pairing: Lee donghyuck x reader (ft. nct members)

genre: fluff, angst, comedy and spice.

inspired song: Bestie by Lloyd.

summary: donghyuck’s and his s/o memories as best friends leading up to becoming lovers. (btw this one’s a little longer than the ones i usually write so beware loves.)

Haechan’s POV: June, 24th, 2018. “Today’s the day where I finally tell her how I feel. After 7 years of my friendship, growing up together and holding back my feelings for so long, Today is the day where things change. I’m tired of being stuck in the friend zone this is my one and only chance before she moves away. Now or Never Hyuck...”

“She's a bad one not a fast one. Every time we get together we have fun”

Growing up, me and y/n always were always bound to be apart of each other’s lives. We’ve grew up in the same neighborhood, our parents met each other in school, our friends are dating each other and we even go to the same school together. Sounds very corny right? It’s true though.

Our thing was always playing horror games together every night after we finish doing homework together. She was always the procrastinator so I had to give her some motivation. Not only that, we always play around the swing sets in the park that’s right in front of our houses to talk about anything and everything that was going on in our life’s.

This one time she got so drunk after Mark’s birthday party and was trying to swing so high and flew off the swing set thinking she was super man. Heh, she can be such a idiot at times. She may be one of the goofiest, bubbly and sweetest people I know. She can also be caring, overprotective and keep me calm whenever I’m always acting crazy.

I don’t remember what exact moment I feel in love with you, but I do remember feeling like as time went by, my love for you stared to grow much stronger. Everyone around us was starting to suspect how we felt about it each other especially my mom she adored you so much and loved the idea of us being together.

She would always ask “Where’s your girlfriend y/n?” Or “Aren’t you supposed to be with your girlfriend right now?” Ah girlfriend, I love the sound of that. Anyways I was grossed out at the idea at first because I only saw you as my sister once before and not to mention I was immature.

She would always ask “Where’s your girlfriend y/n?” Or “Aren’t you supposed to be with your girlfriend right now?” Ah girlfriend, I love the sound of that. Anyways I was grossed out at the idea at first because I only saw you as my sister once before and not to mention I was immature.

She would always ask “Where’s your girlfriend y/n?” Or “Aren’t you supposed to be with your girlfriend right now?” Ah girlfriend, I love the sound of that. Anyways I was grossed out at the idea at first because I only saw you as my sister once before and not to mention I was immature.

She would always ask “Where’s your girlfriend y/n?” Or “Aren’t you supposed to be with your girlfriend right now?” Ah girlfriend, I love the sound of that. Anyways I was grossed out at the idea at first because I only saw you as my sister once before and not to mention I was immature.

Once we’ve started getting much older I've tried dating other girls but none of them just didn’t compare to you. I’ve tried to joke around with them, they wouldn’t take me seriously. When I try to ask them out on dates, they would ditch me for someone else. When I try to be affectionate, they reject and always want to stay friends. I normally had luck keeping girls around, but only for a short amount of time. It seemed like every week I had a new girlfriend.

I knew y/n was always frustrated at me trying to tell me there’s other fish in the sea, but hell I want to my little mermaid and that’s y/n-ie. I even teased her about it, but she didn’t seem to take a hint.

“You know y/n... we should honestly just date. We would be the next Hyuna and Edawn in the school. They would have nothing on us.” I even nudged her on the shoulder to get her smiling.

“Hmm? Are you insane that would be too weird. We’re like brother and sister.” I could tell she was flustered, but she wasn’t exactly to thrilled with the idea. “Plus you know how I feel about Mark already. I’ve got to really wow him at this game tonight.” Oh yeah I forgot to mention she had a crush on my other best friend Mark Lee at the time.

“I know she should just be my friend Yet I'm hoping, I'm hoping that maybe it will lead In love happy end.”

It would work my nerves every time she would talk about him and always would ask advice on what to do, but I was very hopeful and believed I still had to chance to win her heart. I gush to everyone including the boys everyday about how madly in love I was with y/n without even realizing.

I would tell everyone, well except her of course. Johnny almost told my secret to everyone at Jaehyun’s house party when we were all playing strip uno. It was shut down real quickly because Doyoung gave him a long hard talk after awhile.

That night was also the worst for me because that was the same days the homecoming game where you confessed your feelings to Mark and became officially a couple. In my mind I wanted to be happy for the two of you as I watched you two kissed each other in front of everyone.

After that day, I avoided you for a while and couldn’t accept the fact that I couldn’t have you at that very moment. I couldn’t spend more time with you, hold you, kiss you, brag to everyone how much I loved you.

Although I was torn and felt defeated when you started dating Mark, I still felt a tiny bit of hope that someday I would still have a chance to make you mine and have our happy ending.

Y/N POV: June 24th, 2018. The day that I say farewell to my best friend Lee Donghyuck before going leaving to go to Harvard. I can’t believe this day has finally come we haven’t had the chance to hang out throughout our entire senior year so I want to make this count. I also want to tell him how I’ve felt about him. Let’s see where do I even start....

“We were children when we met. Just playing house and drinking sodas at the corner store.”

I remember having a hard time making friends my family moves from city to city because of my dad career as a entrepreneur for multiple companies and my mom working as a travel nurse. I was bullied for my struggling with my weight and for being an outcast which caused a lot of depression for me.

One day I remember running away from these girls in my school because they were trying to throwing apples at me. It was they’re way of trying to help me “eat healthy.” Jokes on them I was the top runner in the track team hehe.

Anyways, I lost them for a good second until I was trapped surrounded by them at the market by my house. I almost felt at lost against the 4 girls, until this crazy guy Lee Donghyuck comes out of no where scaring them away with his Freddy Kruger mask threatening them to leave me alone or he’ll haunt them in their sleep.

I felt bad for laughing, but it was one of the most nicest thing anyone has ever done for me ever since I’ve moved to Korea. He randomly introduces himself to me and offers me to play with him for an exchange of saving my life from those bullies.

“Hey my name is Donghyuck. Those girls always find their next target to pick on, but no worries princess I’m here to protect you. Let me introduce you to my other friends.”

He reached his hand on to me and ever since I was always dragged on to his crazy adventures.

“Like a brother from another. Didn't notice all the other girls they wanted more.”

Donghyuck was pretty popular when it came to having lots of guy friends and dating even when we were kids. In 5th grade on Valentine’s I remembered his desk being flooded with chocolates and anonymous love letters stuffed in backpack.

The idea didn’t bother me at first because I saw Hyuck as my older protective brother. I even slid some letters in my self saying “Happy Valentine’s Day loser. Enjoy those kits kats!” We tend to tease each other a lot, but that’s how we showed our love to each other.

People in our class including the boys Jaemin, Chenle and Yang Yang were encouraging us to date, but we just never seemed thrilled with the idea.

“Awhh c’mon you guys would be so cute together. You guys have kissed once before anyways it’s a sign.” I remember the boys would always poke fun at us, but we both would scream.

“Ew no way! Plus that kiss didn’t count it was for a school play.”

Yet every time a guy would try to ask me out, Donghyuck would scare them away because he claims that I’m still too young to date. Smh, yeah I should’ve known that it was actually because you were jealous.

“But now look at the glow up. You're the finest thing I ever seen, but you never been more than a friend to me.”

As much as I hate to admit it, but god sometimes Donghyuck can be hot...sexy...hell good looking when he wants to be. It doesn’t help that he’s teasing me about it either.

There was this one time when we were playing Mario Karts in his room and it was on a hot summer day at the time. This guy had the nerve to take his shirt off in front of me with sweat dripping on his abs, hair slightly messy to the side, and leans back with his grey sweat pants on.

GREY SWEATS!! Like cmon. I could barely concentrate on the game after awhile admiring how painly handsome. I felt very guilty because I was still dating Mark at the time, but my mind was going 2 different directions.

“Hey y/n if your hot you can take your shirt off too. I thought my mom had the mechanic fixed the ac by now so sorry about that.” There he goes sticking his tongue out like that again. Does he have no shame.

“Umm, Hyuck I just remembered I have a test on Friday to study for. Tootles!” I knew if I would’ve stayed in his room much longer I would’ve either passed out or sink deep into his tempting body leaning against mine. It was not only the heat in the room that was driving me crazy, but my beating heart that was burning my chest.

Before I tried to leave he shut the door and pushed me against the wall staring deep into my eyes. “You know princess, we don’t have a math test Friday right? I’m in the same class as you.”

This man uggh, next he proceeds to make me look at him in the eye by lifting my chin up. “D-did I say math test, silly me. I meant biology test.” After laughing awkwardly for a while I realized he wasn’t laughing with me like he usually does. It was like the vibe changed in a matter of 5 sec.

“Listen y/n...I know your dating Mark and all, but would it be wrong to just let me hold you one last time.” Yeah it would be awful, especially when your still technically half naked in front of me.

I’ve never even gotten close to kissing Mark before, yet my friend of 6 years is going to do it. So I had to run out of there before things got worse. “I-I can’t do that Hyuck. You know that wouldn’t be right. Now if you’ll excuse me.”

“I'm thinking that one day you'll be mine. And I don't wanna lose you.”

I ran home as fast as I can hyperventilating before I let myself caught any feelings. The truth was for awhile I only wanted to date Mark to try to forget about Hyuck, but after that night I’ve started to realize that I can’t escape my feelings that I have for him it’s impossible.

I love him more than anyone in this world. The thought of that saying had me laughing and crying that night.

June 26th, the day Donghyuck will have one last chance to confess his feelings before his princess y/n leaves off to go to school. Y/N and Donghyuck both run out of each other’s house and decided to meet up at the swing set after 6 years.

They both sit down sighing looking up at the orange sunset sky that’s shinning throughout the area. The two of them slowly swing looking down at the ground waiting for the other person to speak up first.

“So...I bet you probably heard the news already huh? I’ve finally got accept to Harvard. So tomorrow I’ll be going back to my hometown to begin my semester in fall.” Donghyuck responds back by saying.

“I know, I heard from my mom. She nearly cried. You know it would’ve been nice to hear from you. I haven’t seen you since last week.” Y/n finally looks up at him with tears falling down her face.

“Hyuck I’ve been going through so much this past week. I’ve broken up with Mark, my brother was stuck in the hospital and I almost had to repeat senior year if I didn’t pass that state test. So I’m sorry I didn’t contact you lately.”

Hyuck quickly stands up and hugs y/n gently by stroking her hair. “It would’ve been nice to hear your voice. I miss you and I love you.”

They both freeze up at the words he just said “Y-you what now?” Hyuck gulps at first, but then he snaps out of it ready to pour his heart out.”

“LISTEN PRINCESS I LOVE YOU OKAY?? Not just as a friend either. This whole year I never got to hang out with you and I don't know how to pretend, I hate falling in love with my best friend. That night you left my room I almost gave up on us, but I knew I had to tell you before you walk out of my life. Talk about bad timing right?”

Y/N starts giggling wiping her tears for a split second but then smiles by saying.

“I love you too Donghyuck. I have for a long time actually I just didn’t want to ruin my one and only specially friendship I had with you. I was even thinking that trying to move on by dating someone else would work, but it didn’t. Without you in my life, I am blue as the sky.”

The two of you of crack up laughing again at your embarrassing thoughts of each other, but immediately stop trying to think of what should happen next.

“We’re truly some idiots. Now we only have a few hours left of being a couple before you leave. So what happens next y/n?”

Y/n sits on Hyuck’s lap hugging him tightly and leans into his face by saying. “No worries we’ll figure this out once I move. For right now let’s just enjoy our last few hours together as a couple.”

Hyuck wraps arms around y/n waist and feels his heart skipping a beat once she starts kissing him softly in his ear. “Princess you know I’m very ticklish right there.” Ignoring his comments y/n proceeds to kiss his ear again, but then starts trailing down to his neck.

“My B-E-S-T, a true friend to me. Give me love and energy, that is what you send to me”

“Mmm keep calling me princess and I promise you I won’t be able to hold back.” He wiggles his eyebrows at your bold response and smirks by saying...

“Well what’s stoping you? We can do it right here right now on these swing sets.” He starts sliding your hands in your thighs while finally kissing you on your lips.

All that built up passion and emotion was easily displayed as you were kissing him. Not to mention the fact that he’s sliding his hand in your jeans which is making it hard for you to keep your voice down.

“Ahh keep it down y/n...Do you want the neighbors to hear you?” He teases you more by moving your hand in his jeans. “Do it for me too.”

“Lee Donghyuck, are you crazy?? Why don’t we just do this in your room. We will get caught for sure.” He pouts for a second and says

“Yes I’m crazy for you. You already know this though. How about this, we can finish this in my room and we can just tell my mom we stayed up playing games again all night long. Deal?”

“Deal!” You give him one last peck on the lips and grab him by running into his house like there’s no tomorrow. “Slow down princess!” The two of you slammed the door in his room and for the whole night you never dared to leave his side for a split second.

“It's what you do to me.”

The morning after ended up becoming very emotional for the both of you, because this is the last the you’ll be seeing each other face to face until the both of you are done with school. While he’s off becoming a singer, you’ll be on your way becoming a lawyer.

Out of all the places you could possibly move away from again your home next to Donghyuck and his family was the hardest to leave from. You made so many memories here and would cherish it for the rest of your life.

Before heading the road you give your best friend and now boyfriend one last hug and kiss on the forehead before putting your last luggage in the trunk and hitting the road to start your journey.

Although your both moving on to different paths of life career wise, you both will always have your history together and promised to reunite as a couple again when the time is right.

Thanks so much for reading this far you guys and feedback would be much appreciated. ✨

𝐓𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 🏷 : @himitsu-luna @starrdustville @xxminmixx @dundun-baby @purplepsycho03 @kpopsnowball

Send an ask if you want to be added or removed from the tag list. 💫💫💫

[goddessjynx]

Any parent please answer?

Idk if anyone will see this, but right now I need just anyone to tell me I'm not crazy.

Am I a bad friend for wanting to hang out with my ex-bestie (eb for short) while she has her kids or she's busy and can't hang, so I offer to come over, to help watch, to help clean? Anything just to be there for her, why? Oh because she was on her third child, at this time I literally went over to her house to play dnd with her husband and brother and her sometimes. So I would try and say "hi" or talk, but instead we stayed doing something else or barely said hi. Ok, fine, hormones, got it. It got to the point of she wouldn't want to hang out with me for reasons she stopped telling me decent sounding excuses. Fine, That's fine, I have other friends who I can hang with or find other things to stay inside and not get out of the house to do. I don't need to leave the house, to get away from the suffocating inside the house with a mentally and verbally abusive, controlling husband. That's. Just. Fine.

So you know, time goes on. we find out that the reason she won't hang out with me, but will hang out with the other girl who she hates (Mind you the other chick literally broke into their house, tried to start drama all the time, and be hazardous to her already two children But who am I to judge about the person you rant to me about how you hate them so much?) But the other chick was also pregnant after divorcing her wife. It's honestly such a mess. So "anyways, I get excluded now because I "Don't understand what she's going through" or "I won't have the same experience" or I'm "not a good source of help" Lol, Okay? I still can't help? Be happy for you? Cool. So things go on, and just things have gotten worse on my end. I'm over here with such a mind debilitating baby fever, that I'm having to pull my car over watching children get off the school bus because I'm in such a crying fit that I can't breathe or see straight. So who the hell would I go to about what do I do? My Bestie right? (There's a reason we are eb rn) I tell her, well try, Idk how much she actually listened. But I tell her how I just can't think about anything else right now. I did everything right, and the world keeps slapping me back.

I own a 4 bedroom house. we have two cars, we even have decently everything working out in our favor, But all of a sudden, I'm not good enough for anyone. My own husband two months after getting married said he hasn't found me attractive for the last two years. THAnks. That's a real boost. This didn't start the fights, but that's a whole other set of rants. about a year before my eb got pregnant, around or right before July 4th, I strictly remember, I was in the walmart fucking bathroom. I had felt so sick the weeks beforehand. Like, My menstrual cycle hates me. She's savage af. Not to mention she likes to disappear randomly and appear with just cramps or a whole flood. I never know. But I remember calling my husband in a panic because I don't know what to do while I had to go to the bathroom so bad it hurt, and all I have is half dollar sized clots. Just something my medical brain, and senior year of AP biology says, "Fuck!" I have him figure something out because I'm really needing someone to just hold me in the bathroom I feel so sick to my stomach. I'm dizzy and all these symptoms I tell him to tell the doctor or whoever he calls.. So he calls, they say whatever to him. I don't either remember or he never told me what they said, (this is a normal of hiding information from me, A LOT) They said (What he told me) to just wipe things up and clean up then if it persists in the next 24 hours to go into the hospital. But I will have to see an ob-gyn.

So, Okay. Nothing bad. but they are in charge of everything along those lines. But those were including two words, that I now know were the two words this man didn't want to hear despite, DESPITE all the teasing and jokes about having kids with me when I was younger with him and literally just dating. That was because I had to see a family planning doctor. I was told by HIM that it was nothing, and we will be fine. I just blamed it on my cramps that are horrible and never put thought to it because I had believed that's what he was told. So that's a trauma my brain locked away until recently as I'm going through my divorce right now. But, I was thinking about how shortly after that, I got a call from my eb about how they were all waiting on me because I'm making us late for bringing stuff to the grill out and bonfire later. Fine, mask all the pain and keep fucking going. right?

She seemed genuinely not worried, saying it was probably just a bad cycle. She gets them all the time too. Its whatever. My now bestie's sister has gone through the same thing I described multiple times, enough that she looked at me and was like, "No, You possibly miscarried." even her mom went on about, "they should've never NEVER brushed that off like they did. If they cared then they would've made sure you were ok. My husband denied me from going to the doctor to see anything about it. Even after when I knew my hormones and emotions were just soooo off. But that's in my mind now, when before maybe around the same time my eb came out saying to all of us even her own husband one time saying she's been feeling crummy because she went in and she found out she had miscarried. It was so short after my stuff that she disregarded then took and made attention for herself that upset her own husband because she never told him until she told a bunch of us at a bar. I mean I felt bad for her, but Now thinking back, my gut says it was a ploy to make her husband to feel bad for her and to try for another one. Where as I'm over here waiting patiently because I jumped through Hoops to get where I'm at now.

My husband promised me children. Lots, its a fucking dream to be a mum. I care for everyone else, and their kids, why not have some kind of mini me to show of what I did. That I did good. That I can be useful to this world too. That I'm not just a lump of no good nothing to this world. But first, he needed a better paying job than a gas station.

Did that, he worked at a metal parts production place. But we then gave the fact that we still live in the apartment I got after moving out from high school. We rented a house. It worked, and it was nice. But now he needs a car, but he cant do that until he learns how to drive. 3 years older than me and I taught him how to drive. AND I helped him buy his first car, a truck. Oh but now, we still can't start a family. We are only renting. I have enough good credit that I could get a house alone, but I needed a higher pay. Bam with his income together we got a house.

Bam, I'm hit with baby fever and what not. NOW I get told, we aren't ready for anything like that yet, so wait two years. Alright, I'll wait. I can do that. We were going to go on trips together and do many things together and all of a sudden, the walmart thing happened, and it just got worse from there. It got to a point I got a job paying BETTER than him and I was the laughing stock to him and his buddies. THANKS. But I'm fine, everything is fine. The walmart thing was about two years after, so I mean, it was actually in the time frame and whatnot. Things just kept going on getting worse at home, I just kept listening. For reasons, I had to quit my high paying job, and then everything got absolutely horrible at home. Had to put everything I had control over money wise into his account for he worried it would take too long to find an new job and make money to suffice for bills. It was argument after argument, but I went to my eb explaining things, asking what the hell do I do? Her advice? To just do what he wants. The thing I had to quit about? She basically never cared about it. Everything just went on being a mess. I went on just letting people walk over me because that was the advice I was given.

I voiced my feelings that I have been following lies and how I feel hurt that I'm told dreams and having them be taken away. We never went on trips much. Instead we would buy a crap ton of ammo or new guns that I'm not allowed to use, yet I'm helping fund so you can get them, but when it was my own that I BOUGHT, all of a sudden, my things went missing and he would be out using and letting his buddies use my new guns and using up the ammo I had purchased on my own. I mean, fine, but let me at LEAST take yours out if you're going to use mine without asking. It got to be so annoying that we would be asked when we would get married or when we would have kids. He would be hugging me and smiling all cocky saying "Oh well we haven't stopped trying." every time. He would start that tell people this and I finally had enough. I stopped him and told him to put his money where his mouth was. He always said shit but never actually did it or acted on what he said. He would just lie to everyone. Tell people lies because it sounded nice. Best part? I had bought a ring for him. I proposed to him because he would joke about things like that. So I basically said, "bet" and did it. I have never received a damn ring! He wouldn't even want to look at them with me. Because they were expensive. Not all of them are. I don't care what price it is, but something to say, "Hey, I love you and Don't want the odd peeps at the bar to keep hitting on you so take this with you, its dangerous out there." (Shut up. I'm a nerd) But like.... I just would make notions about, I wanted a ring. He would beg me to pool together money and buy new guns, I mean I"m not against, but I would bring up that I will want a ring. Or even something else would be you know, amazing right now because I'm in a lost place wanting kids still and my eb just announced they were having their third. (which her own family was so upset about it that they ranted to me and my mom, her own brother said that its just another kid that they will end up taking care of instead of her so she can go to the bars again. Yep) So next we talked about getting a gun safe because, before we can have kids, we need to be SAFE. Ight, we bought it. Nice matte black 33 capacity, fire and water proof, best part the front had a reallly pretty engraved waving American flag imprinted on it. It was just so smooth. (Guess who has that right now btw) So oddly enough in the middle of me not being enough for my eb, My cycle kind of returned to being semi regular, and all of a sudden disappeared. Well that whole month beforehand we went from never wanting to touch me unless it was my birthday to every night he was angry after work and took it out on me instead. I mean, whatever. But when it came to me not feeling well, I told him.

Instantly it wasn't mine. I was fooling with other guys. Like instant psycho. His childhood friend came and moved up with us, she saw this for a good few months and had to move out because he was trying to control her as if she were a child. She told me that it was not right for him to be that way and that she will never talk to him for how he treated her. (which was exactly how he was always with me too) I'm not sure if he was trying to get my jealous because his bff was a girl? Idk we worked out like literally sisters. Sooo much in common and she told me, She believes he's never wanted kids. And she watched how I broke down after he told me he wanted nothing to do with me until I took a test. He DEMANDED that I took a test right away. If it was positive, it wasn't his until proven so. And if it was negative he would be fine. this was ridiculous. He wasn't at all happy or excited. Purely upset. I felt so shitty that after the test was negative I told him and he threatened about it happening again he was leaving back to Kansas. He threatened this every damn fight, it got to the point that I gave up, I said leave then. And instantly he shut up. I got him out of gangs, crime, jail, living on the street or with his mum, and being a maaajor drug addict. Yet I'M THE BAD PERSON.

Back to recently when my eb is getting closer to having her kid, I just go through finding out I'm not and my husband is freaking out at me, nonstop yelling at me that I'm not good enough and all this shit. Yes, lil ol me trying to keep the peace in the house is a cunt and a whore. Wow. Name calling, but hitting where it hurts? I told him before, how my mother in an argument said I would be a horrible mother. And that shit sticks. IT STICKS. So what does the smart ass pull out? He repeats it. He says he's glad I'm not pregnant because I'd be a horrible mother in the end.

That. That just kills a person. That kills dreams and the feeling of wanting to keep living. Who the FUCK says that to their partner? Am I wrong for thinking that's not right? Well my eb thought I was. I told her my feelings. How I don't want to be jealous of her, but I am. That she's more beautiful, she's always had guys hitting on her in school inviting her to do things and hang out, I was the nerd in whatever class that got invited only if it was mandatory. She will be having three kids and a loving husband that can never take his hands or eyes from her, where as I have to act like a clown to get my husband to look up from his damn phone. To say something nice. To

be acknowledged while in the house. I've left and came back the next morning because I hung out at my now besties house. He didn't say a word until I came home the next morning and he looked at me like "when the fuck did you leave" No care, no love. I was stuck being a burden. Anything I ever did around the house was in vain. Everything I helped with I got shoved away because I didn't do it right. EVERYTHING I did was not good enough. I would tell him this that is how I felt and he would deny it. One day, I caught him yelling at me saying that what I did wasn't ever good enough. Calle him out right away. Bitch... He tried to change the wording to go around what he said. I HEARD IT. it was so bad I had to have my bestie on the phone to listen to how he talked to me behind closed doors. Away from public view. HER MOM HEARD IT. Thought she was watching some kind of dramatic show, until she realized it was me on the phone. She's listened to so many calls its unheard of. There was a day, I had enough of it. (Ok A lot actually) but I grabbed my laptop and my charger and left the house. I sat in the park drawing on my laptop. Texted every person I could think of that I cared so deeply for that they would care for me back. I was in a dark ass place asking for Advice. My eb shrugged off what my husband was doing and scolded me for leaving. For sitting in a park drawing out my feelings instead of being with him because he's being dramatic to her husband upset that I started an argument. I didn't understand what I started when it was over me telling him not to throw the controller when he loses a COD game because that's how it breaks. Why he threw it? Because I distracted him by playing with my cat while he was playing the damn game and made him lose! yep. Exactly that. So I was yelled at to quit. So I did. I went back to my drawing and then with my headphones on I was humming to my music. It distracted him and he lost. So I flipped out because I can't do anything in my own house without being scolded for it. So I stormed off to the bedroom to draw some more. I'm upstairs and away from him. Didn't want to eat now I'm stressed and upset. So I didn't cook anything and now he's hungry and upset at me for not making food yet. YES. That's how it started and I again was the bad person in the story for safely removing myself from an environment where all my mind was telling me to do was dark things that hurt to say. To give up on everything I have worked for and all my dreams.

That was the last time I spoke to her for a while because everything started to be only about baby and about doing this for baby. Doing that for baby. But then she would never answer me back. I was done trying to fit time to hang out. To do something, I made new friends who didn't have kids and hung out more with them. It got horrible. the sound of a child crying made my stomach hurt. I had non stop dreams of the same thing happening. It was just awful. I looked it up and it was just meaning I had something and lost it. Whatever is missing in the dream what what I had lost.

In this dream I was dressed in all black, lace and long dress covering every inch of skin on my body. I had a hat with a veil and I was rocking a bundle in my arms in an old decrepit room with peeling paint and broken toys. It was a nursery. An old ruined nursery. I was rocking just a black blanket swaddled with a hole that emptied to the void. It gives me chills, I get this dream so much that me explaining just makes my skin crawl and my body ache. It hurts to think of but I just cannot understand it. Makes sense now that I looked into it.

But me going through all of this, I can't talk to my husband about my feelings because I'm too needy and being selfish for not taking his feelings into an account. That he's not ready that we are not ready and that I'm not ready because I'm going to be a horrible mom. Cool.

I have tried so much. I couldn't be around kids. It made me so sick and I jus would have to find somewhere to hide and cry for hours. I would cry myself to sleep. Never getting comfort by him because I'm throwing a pity party. I was so hurt. Still am. I'm broken hearted. Thinking that if I had a kid, at least I would have something that needed me and would love the care I gave and would love me back. I wanted to feel loved for how much I put out in the world. I wanted to have something to ground me to this world before I did something stupid. I was in such a dark place that I drove an hour to go see my bestie because I was scared that I was going to do it. That I was going to be the big disappointment he told me I would always be. Three months later, baby is here and I go back to playing dnd with my friends and its at their house. My husband is rubbing it in my face. He's holding baby and talking to baby and doing all these things making my mind break. He asks if I want to hold her. If i if iififififi NO.

I can't I cannot. I'm trying to be respectful. I missed out on other games because I had to hype myself up. I procrastinated because I didn't know how I would be or if I could handle it. I got to the point that my eb's husband told me that he doesn't want me playing anymore because I sent a text trying to apologize to my now eb that I feel so bad but I can't see her right now since seeing her kids just sends me into a panic attack and I can't stop thinking horrible things. So she takes that as I have a problem with HER kids and not just the KIDS situation. Doesn't hear me out. blames me for everything and has me banned from coming over. in which her husband says he doesn't want me over anymore. Which my rebuttal is because she's telling him only. But he said it was his choice. I don't know don't care. It just hurt that THATS the reason I got kicked out. Not because I was good, but that I couldn't handle their kids. And I would not pay attention by drawing the whole time. I was distracting myself because I'm trying to drown out the noises of cooing making my gut rot and my mouth dry. So by all means I'm selfish for wanting a dream that I was being promised for the last 6 years of physically being with my soon to be ex. I've know for actually 12 years. And that I drove 15 hours to bring you to me since you couldn't drive.

So I need to know from real parents, was I out of line for telling my eb that I had feelings and that them not being heard or just cast to the side hurt? Am I crazy for feeling that I've been robbed? For being upset when my husband comes home drunk and abuses me? For being hurt when I'm called all sorts of names and told I'm worthless by the man I should trust the most? Please. I need to know.

I know I'm ranting, but I need to get it out. I need to find some sort of something to figure out why I'm feeling this way, or why I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I'm fighting for the divorce since i haven't been to my owned house in the last 5 months since he changed the locks on me. I moved an hour away from my home and my family and still to this day, I hurt to hear or watch children around me. I'm happy, but inside something aches and just feels empty. Not to mention that I got told by people that know me that he's been caught buying condoms. We are still technically married, and he can't be doing those things right now. Am I jealous? Upset? Hurt? All of the above? It just sucks and I'm drowning in debt a bit trying to work my ass off to get where I want in life again since all of everything has been ripped from me. I'm trying. Please let me know if I'm crazy or out of line? I want to be heard. I'm going to start to save up. I have a plan for my 27th birthday. If it doesn't work in time for my 28th birthday, I'm not sure what else I can do but join the 27 club.

[pixiedoodlein]

I’m so fucking mad that a year and a half into this pandemic I am back to 11th hour debating another year of homeschool. The first stretch of homeschool, in NYC, when the toddler was a baby, and husband was home on unemployment, was good, nice even, a quiet piece of something good when the world outside was falling apart. The next stretch, the Oklahoma stretch, with a particularly climby toddler, husband working 10 hour days, me doing remote contract work, somewhere we had no family around to help w/ childcare, was challenging. I was not always my best self. Some days were delightful, muffins and math games. Other days I was more Miss Trunchbull than Miss Honey, fractions were squeezed in between crying (usually mine) and netflix (way too much of hers), and I held on to any shred of sanity by telling myself “just a little longer, just until the vaccines.”

Well here we are. Husband & I have been vaccinated for months, but the kids aren’t yet. The upstate NY town we moved to is a very small town (pop: 838), was mostly untouched by previous waves. When we got here, I couldn’t understand why everyone was so lax about it- no masks, no panic. Our first day here, when I came home from the market and saw through the window a gaggle of unmasked kids in my living room (the neighbors coming to welcome us, they heard a kid moved in) I almost had a heart attack. In fact, I was so tired from the drive from OKC that for a moment I actually thought I was at the wrong house, that I was hallucinating, because how in the world could there be unmasked bodies in my living room.

Then I started talking to people here. And I realized that the way I thought they were insane for not being deathly afraid of covid, they thought I was insane for being petrified. Because the disease hadn’t hit here; their businesses were destroyed and their kids were out of school (in a rural area with barely functional internet, remote school = a lost year) and their lives were totally fucked up, for a disease that never arrived at their doorstep. I came to understand why they weren’t worried, why here life looked (almost) normal. I told them about what it was like to live somewhere covid tore through, the freezer trucks of bodies on the FDR Drive and my previously healthy 27yld brother so sick with it the first spring he thought he was about to die (but too scared to go to a hospital), my dad’s relative in the next NYC wave on a vent for months and lucky to be alive but may never walk again, the doctors in OKC pleading on the news to please wear a fucking mask because the hospitals were fucking full, and the neighbors stopped thinking I was psycho when I carried extra masks for their kids, and made them put them on, when I took them to town for ice cream. I never stopped masking. But we did indoor dine here (once, BBQ, it wasn’t delicious enough for how anxious I felt) and I did bring all the kids, including my toddler, to a fairly crowded children’s museum in the big (small) city an hour away, where the rest of us were masked but the one with his hands in his mouth, who was all up in other kids’ faces, the one who really should be masked, wasn’t because he won’t leave it on for more than a minute.

Actually it’s a lie to say that I never stopped masking- I have dashed into little stores here, without one, because I’m vaxed! It’s safe here! Covid felt done. We had friends come here to visit this summer. Friends who are vaxed, but that doesn’t seem to really matter enough anymore. We had the neighbors over for meals, indoors (you see, more indoor dining! A minute ago I was just thinking restaurants, but why would plagues only spread in restaurants?). They had us for meals. The girls are a crew, new best friends, making my daughter’s life here so, so much happier, constant sleepovers (their kids were at our house this afternoon; my kid is at their house right now). The parents and grandparents are wonderful, making my life here, and husband’s life here, so much easier, so much better. We help them with stuff, they help us with stuff, there isn’t a day that goes by that we don’t see each other, unmasked. Some of the adults in their household are vaxed; some of the adults in their household are not. The kids are all too young to be vaxed. But it (living, doing shit again, seeing people again) really stopped feeling scary; it really felt like everything was fine, normal-ish, normal-er. The end of the pandemic felt in sight.

I signed my child up for school here. Real school, not mommy school, school with a school bus. She was a little anxious, I had to talk her into it, I sold it hard, I bought her whatever pair of new sneakers she wanted for her new school (she hasn’t had gym class in a year and a half; for a phase in Oklahoma she wore one boot and one sandal every day, why not). She wasn’t anxious about sneakers or covid; she was anxious that maybe she hadn’t learned enough in homeschool (I am not a teacher! I did not homeschool because I am good at it or love it or wanted to, I homeschooled because I was scared of her getting covid at school and dying), that she would be behind. She isn’t behind. I followed the real school curriculum as best I could (as in: sometimes totally and sometimes not at all), and somehow, when I gave her the standardized “real school” test “at the end of the year” (aka the day I couldn’t take it anymore, I had to focus on my work or I wasn’t going to have an income, the day I’d decided we’d done as much as we could and it was time to be done), she sailed through it, this kid is smart. Smart as in needs to be in actual real fucking school to stay smart and learn and reach her potential.

She got excited- one of the neighbor kids is in her grade. The other kid is older- but the school is small, she’d see her tons. She was excited; I was excited. I registered her for school. Her new teacher sent a nice note. We all were excited. She’s never taken the school bus before but the neighbors take it and she’d be fine on the bus with her besties, the bus would pick her up in front of their house since there’s nowhere to turn around up our hill (we are VERY rural), they’d all get on and off the bus together. She has been backpack shopping. We have been discussing what she’ll have for breakfast (honey nut Cheerios), what she wants me to pack for lunch (she says just Goldfish, I say turkey sandwich, we’re working on it).

But now, 18 days before school starts here, I am thisclose to pulling her out, to embarking on another lovely (not), gratifying (not) year of homeschool, because of covid, delta. When we got to our new home in our new tiny town in June, there was no covid here. Now, our county is listed by the CDC as a high transmission area (is there anywhere in the US that isn’t?). 80% of senior citizens here are vaxed; 50% of the total population is, well below the national average. 15 cases per 100,000, in a county of 100,000. I guess this is less rampant than our previous pandemic locales, NYC (currently 25/100K), OKC (49/100K). This is splitting hairs, everywhere is bad. This is what panic does to me: are we better or worse for every decision we’ve made in the past year and a half, every decision that got us here? There are fewer cases here but fewer people and fewer vaccinated people and fewer ICU beds. We aren’t safe even here, but at least we are happy (happy aside from fear of delta death).

I don’t know whether to send my kid to school in 18 days. There will be masks but masks aren’t enough (how many masks do I make her wear? two, ten, a thousand?). This choice feels crazy— in March 2020, when that covid was mostly sparing kids, I yanked her out of school. Now, this covid does hurt kids. How much longer, how many more years, can parents be in this position to make this nightmare choice? What will hurt her more: school or no school? There are vaccines, more than enough in America. We shouldn’t be having to make this choice.

As it is, because of toddler— not because of toddler, because of being a parent to children in a pandemic— my work life, and husband’s, will be severely impacted this year, again. I can’t send him to daycare because he’s too little to leave a mask on (he won’t even leave his pants on!) in a room full of other unmasked toddlers, whose families may or may not be vaxd, may or may not wear masks (there has been a noticeable increase in supermarket mask wearing since we got here, but still not enough, is any of it enough?), may or may not be going to parties and weddings and funerals, daycare providers who may or may not be doing all the same. This means I can only apply to remote jobs, so I can be home with him. Husband has some flexibility, more than he did in OKC, but god forbid he has to work while I have a work call or meeting or work due I didn’t manage to get done at 4am or 11pm when the house is quiet. He can’t bring toddler to work with him, his work is up on scaffold, stenciling ceilings. This will be another year of me muting myself on Zooms while toddler pulls his diaper off and hurls poop at the cat. Would it really be so much harder to also be trying to teach parts of speech to our daughter at the same time? Yes, it would, but I don’t know if I can send my kids back out into the world until they’re vaccinated. I am counting the days, holding my breath, until they can be.

I used to believe in personal choice. I don’t anymore. I want this shit to be mandated, I want the government to line us up and force mRNA into holdouts’ arms, I want it to be required, to be able to function in and interact with and benefit from society in any way, shape, or form. I have been very lucky in the pandemic. Privilege stacked on privilege on privilege, to be fussing over my Zooms in my hamlet. I had been pretty pandemic perky, baking my pies and playing with my pandemic pets and (thinking about) doing puzzles, but I’ve reached my breaking point. This shit could be done, but it’s not, and I’m scared it never will be.

[hockeylvr59]

Secret Love || Cale Makar

Authors Note: So uh…I’m starting another series...no one is surprised right? You’re probably going to hate this part but uh...we’re in it for the long haul here so just bear with me. Warnings: none Word Count: 1,308

~~~~

“Sara’s pregnant.”

No sentence had ever made you feel anger, fear, disbelief, sadness and a whole bevy of other emotions quite as quickly as that one did. You wanted to scream and you wanted to cry. Instead, you put a mask over your expressions and just took the glass of wine Laura was offering as she filled hers to the brim.

“What?” You whispered, your voice cracking slightly.

“Cale called me today...he was so obviously nervous and before I could even ask what was wrong he was rambling on about how she was pregnant and he didn’t know what to do...” You could see the disappointment on Laura’s face and you attempted to send her a reassuring smile, though you were sure she noticed how forced it seemed. Swirling your wine in your glass, you thought about all of the reasons this news bothered you, making you almost sick to your stomach.

Your mom had been friends with Laura Makar for as long as you could remember. You couldn’t really remember much about their friendship when you were really little but when you were four and a half, Laura had Cale. And ever since then...he had been yours. When he was just a baby he was practically your baby doll, but as he got older he became the person you could turn to for anything. Where Cale went, you went, and vice versa. People often suggested that he was like a brother to you because of the age gap but you’d never thought of him that way. He was one of the closest friends you had and that was that. And even though you weren’t as close now as you had once been, you were still hurt that you’d heard it from Laura and not Cale himself.

You’d only met Sara on a handful of occasions. Cale had met her shortly before he headed off to UMASS for college and they had started up a long-distance relationship very quickly. When you’d first met Sara you’d thought she was sweet, but over the past three years, you’d grown more suspicious of her motivations when it came to your best friend. At first, you had just chalked up the feelings to being an outsider to their relationship, after all, Cale seemed happy enough and you had no reason to dislike Sara. But then Cale had made the NHL and suddenly all of your suspicions were proven true.

Sara had moved to Denver, claiming she wanted to be closer to Cale. Now you knew she just wanted to be closer to Cale’s network and the benefits it could provide her to be seen on his arm. You’d followed her on Instagram since they started dating and it was clear she had forgotten because when Cale was on the road, specifically when he was in the middle of a game, stories would pop up where she was dressed provocatively, men’s hands all over her body. By the time the game ended, she’d taken them down. You kept your mouth shut the first two times because you didn’t want to be the kind of person that butts into someone’s relationship. But when a third showed up, with a man’s hand placed precariously close to her pelvis you’d decided you’d had enough. Still, you didn’t tell Cale, instead you dm’ed Sara confronting her on her actions. She’d just sent a laughing emoji back before quickly blocking you. But thanks to a secondary profile and her lack of private status, you knew that she was still very much cheating.

Looking across the table at Laura, you could tell she had suspicions of her own even if she hadn’t seen the visual proof you did. In that moment, you made up your mind that you had to talk to Cale.

“This is not what we wanted for him.” Laura sighed, blinking back tears as she battled with the weight of the news.

It killed you to see her so upset because while Cale had never been like a brother, Laura had absolutely become your second mom. After graduating college, you’d found a job locally at a real estate firm and settled into your own place, completely on your own for the very first time. Just a few weeks later, your parents announced that they were moving back east to Ontario. Unable to turn to your own mom whenever you needed help or advice, you found yourself turning to Laura and she had quickly become your closest confidant. Now, when you needed to unwind with a glass of wine, you made your way to the Makar residence and Laura’s warm arms.

You didn’t know what to say or what to do, so you just sat with her, holding her hand as she cried and downed glasses of wine until Gary had to carry her up to bed.

Promising that you were alright to drive and hadn’t had much as she had, you headed back to your apartment, your own tears finally falling once you were completely alone. You didn’t sleep much that night, instead choosing to scroll through all of the photos of you and Cale that you had on your phone, thinking over all of the memories the two of you had shared. You’d pretended you hadn’t heard it, but as Gary worked to get Laura up and to bed she had definitely slurred that she’d always thought it would be you having her grandchildren. And though you’d long told yourself that harboring a crush on Cale was a waste of energy to the point that you hardly thought of him that way, the knowledge that someone else was even potentially (because you weren’t fully convinced) having his baby caused your heart to start to crack.

Since sleep was hard to come by, you found yourself staring at the contact list in your phone at six am, running over what you were going to tell Cale when you worked up the courage to call him. Somehow, you managed to hold off until around 9 am when you knew Cale would normally be on his way to the rink.

As the phone rang once...twice...three times, you felt your breath catch in your throat. Then you heard Cale’s voice, scratchier than normal like he had either just woken up or had been crying. Just like that, everything you had been planning to say for hours just vanished from your brain.

“You need to have a paternity test done.” The words came out quickly and automatically.

“What the hell Y/N?” Cale questioned and you knew you had taken him off guard.

“Sara has been cheating on you. When you’re in the middle of a game she’ll post stories with other guy’s hands all over her and then delete it when the game ends. I didn’t want to get in the middle of it but a month and a half or so ago I confronted her on it and she blocked me. I...you deserve to know there’s a possibility the baby isn’t yours.”

“How did you even…? Oh, that’s right you’re besties with my mom now. This isn’t any of your business Y/N so just stay the hell out of it okay?” His voice was sarcastic and harsh, two tones you’d never heard him use before and the moment he finished speaking he hung up.

You had probably just ruined everything but...you couldn’t not say something.

And well...not having him in your life anymore couldn’t be any worse than having to see him doting on Sara and his child right?

Canceling your appointments for the day, you turned your phone off and crawled into bed wishing that you had multiple bottles of wine you could use to drown away the pain from the ice pick Cale had just shoved in your fractured heart.

[phoebehalliwell]

I am having Thoughtstm about Bianca.

Have you thought about what her relationship would be with the rest of the Halliwell brood? Like does she get along with white!future Wyatt and Melinda? And what does she think of Henry Jr and his desire to make his Mark on the Halliwell Line?

Also I for some reason see her getting along really well with Dency? I know they don’t exist in the same universe but I could see them being friends? Maybe roasting Chris together and being good sparring partners? I think she’d dig Dency’s little detective thing she’d got going… and I know Bianca is with Chris but like… Bianca x Dency ? 👀 👀 Could be cute 😂😂

okay so for starters i think bianca gets along p well with all of the next gen but like. it wasn’t an immediate thing like. i think esp with wyatt because wyatt really is kind of like. like he's the kind of epitome of the next generation son of a charmed one and a whitelighter he's hella powerful blah blah blah and like. he kinda sits at the top of his class. which is like bianca. so i think bianca thought that wyatt would be like her because you know how like if you're only raised around people like you you kind of start thinking like how your brain works is how like everyone's brain works? i think bianca thinks wyatt is like her so she doesn't like him because well. you can guess. but i think upon meeting wyatt i mean he's just really like gentle really passive he doesn't like. like he doesn't hate magic. but it doesn't feel ingrained in him despite who he is he doesn't live for the battle like looking at him you see no markers that he's one of the most powerful witches of his generation and bianca's kinda just like huh. you don't have to feel the compulsive need to be the best at everything all the time and like make sure people know you're the best and also people kind of hate you for it because they'll never be as good as you so u decide to hate them first you decide you will be the bitch you craft a persona they're basically guaranteed to hate so when they reject you it's on your terms you wanted them to do that you basically forced their hand because the alternative is being genuine and that way if they do reject you it's not a mask they just saw you and didn't like you because let's be real there's not much to like. and wyatt's like hmm. no? i think she wouldn't really get along as well with wyatt as she would with chris because her and chris are very much both witches at heart you can feel it in everything they do but i don't think she like. doesn't get along with wyatt. i mean okay for starters wyatt kind of operates the opposite as bianca whereas bianca will throw up her stone cold alpha bitch mask before anyone can decide whether or not they like her again she kind of forces their hand because she needs this to be on her terms. wyatt does the exact opposite because again the elders almost killed him as a bebe and he's always kind of worried that some day they'll realize he as a person is just not worth the risk so he tries to be so super likable and genial and like. good witch!! at all times. and it's kind of like calls to like game recognizes game where both bianca and wyatt can tell the others wearing a mask no one's that nice and no one's that cold so like. i do think they like each other. they feel like they can be honest around each other (eventually. it does take wyatt a very long time to overcome that phoenix hurdle because again he's well read he knows what's up he knows they're like an organization of like superwitches smart deadly all of the above and he doesn't wanna be. giving up his secrets to them you know? much less the halliwell secrets. but i think once it becomes clear that bianca is her own person once she breaks from the phoenix then like. like you know they have to trust each other first. but once they do, they're buddies) i also think bianca's studied art history so i think they can talk about that and chris is like. okay? because like. no he gets it shure it's cool but also how long reasonably can you talk about a single painting like come on now.

as far as melinda goes i think like i think melinda comes off as really passive really kind a nurturing type like in her day to day life or whatever like oh she's such a sweetheart but she's kind of shy again like s1 piper is really my jumping off point for mellie that and she has leo's big heart That Being Said i do not think that shows At All when she's home i think she drags her brothers for filth like nail on the head baby she's like. if you're being a dick (which, between chris and wyatt, happens relatively frequently) she's gonna call you out on it!! in a very brutal and personalized, but at the same time still kinda funny way. she definitely has receipts. so i think just first hearing the way chris and bianca engage the way she like. like she respects chris's skills as a witch bianca does she thinks he's very talented she would trust him with her life but at the same time chris u fuckin idiot i think they have a very playful raport but bianca is very starstruck by him she's never lost in the layer and layers or fog that surround chris's identity i think like too many of chris's lis (not that he like ever does relationships really) are just kinda like. lost in the image. whether it's charmed one or brooding skinny brunet w daddy issues they are many images of chris u can see instead of the real one but bianca sees chris as he is which i think gives her immediate points from melinda melinda is also an empath and i do think bianca is protected against empaths but like melinda's like oh you two are In Love in love. as far as personal relationships go between melinda and bianca i think melinda would be the one who most consciously tries to make bianca feel like a part of the family like a halliwell. chris, respectfully, i love him, doesn't think of like. inviting her to some family events, especially not early in the relationship because like. he just doesn't. but melinda's like chris!! thanksgiving u gotta invite her 2 thanksgiving. because again. melinda can't feel bianca. but like. she's been an empath her whole life she knows what she's looking at and like. bianca needs a loving family. and she is totally willing to provide that!! and then for what it's worth i think despite all her skill bianca isn't nearly as good at reading mel as melinda is at reading her. like i think she sees the soft external melinda and then the melinda who roasts her siblings and is like okay i kinda get it. and like melinda want to be a nurse or doctor she wants to fuse her empath with a mortal career to best help people like sure. but i think like. but them on a solo mission together (i guess duo mission) and bianca'll fine she's just really misread melinda like in general what she thought she was looking at is not the witch melinda is and i think it's just because bianca's unaccustomed to seeing someone who has power like melinda who can fight like melinda who undeniably has her mother's unbreakable fierce spirit just be like how melinda is in her day to day life. like someone who's that great at what she does just choose kindness and gentleness daily not because the elders are breathing down her neck or like she needs allies or like she has some epic prophecy to fill she just like. chooses kindness because she wants to. she wants a kind world. and bianca's like huh. bc lowkey forgot that was an option. but it's difficult seeing all the shit bianca has.

in regards to henry i think henry jr and bianca get along famously because they just like feel really similar like. like bianca was never liked in the phoenix because well a) she's a bitch b) she's the best and c) like she was always clearly people favorite so like. others were it was jealously call a spade a spade this is like elementary era it's jealousy when you're eight and trying your hardest and the other eight year old gets praise the praise u really want and she didn't even try she didn't even care she didn't have to because she's just so much better than you. like!! yeah so kids at school never liked her, esp within the phoenix (ftr i think phoenix go thru a normal education system so like can like function/blend in real well in normal society and then Also go to phoenix academy, so kinda like what gen2 does with magic school). bianca's never fit it, but she's also wicked smart. so kinda like henry! like paige kind of runs magic school henry's sisters go there like henry's been at magic school. he doesn't take classes, but he's always there. he burns through the books in the library. he knows everyone just calls him the mortal, he doesn't care, because he also knows they know he's smart than them like if they could swallow their pride and ask him for help like most of these kids would become better witches but they don't because henry's a mortal. bianca doesn't care, the kid knows his shit. so what if he doesn't have powers, like, dude, he's basically a walking encyclopedia, and he's read the book of shadows cover to cover like a dozen times, do you know how rare that knowledge is? that's the sacred book of the warren line like that's a crucial ancestral item and henry's like. like in bianca's mind not only is henry a warren witch like he's Thee warren witch no other person alive knows that magic better than him. i also think they have similar senses of humor.

dency!! i mean i think if dency were born any later she'd be besties with like all the phoenix i think magic isn't at a stage where they're really integrated into society yet and there's still kind of that cultish structure but that's not the reason light magic doesn't engage right they don't deal with the phoenix because they're neutral so they will work with demons meaning working with them as a light magic practitioner is forbidden. and then for what its worth i think dency being demon/charmed one is really gonna herald in an era of just kinda like acceptance for those who are neutral or even born of dark magic but like. that hasn't happened. yet. but like. in regards to bianca specifically. i think they'd vibe. i think bianca would throw up her cooler than u bitch personality as she always does and i think dency'd be so into it. and then, of course, dency doesn't look down her nose at the phoenix like most other witches do, again, because she's the source's heir. from what vantage point can she judge others? i think for bianca just seeing someone who's so kinda unabashedly themselves like honest about it too dency's not like. a role model. like there's penn who's really put together and always trying to seem pristine and polite and then they're dency who like hasn't showered in four days because she's out of shampoo so she needs to buy some Then she can shower. there's like. an honest about being kinda uncool kinda a fuck up that makes dency like. cool. like because we all do it (maybe not specifically the shampoo thing, but) like we all have some elements of ourselves that are just kind of truly pathetic and dency doesn't try to cover it up with some shiny veneer she doesn't she not like wyatt with his perfect mask or even bianca with her bitch one dency doesn't wear a mask take me or leave me baby and i think bianca really loves her for that. it genuinely depends on were in the timeline in chrisbianca does bianca meet dency because like. dude. powercouple. i don't think it'd go anywhere i don't think we're necessarily hitting soulmatism or kinda the raw vulnerability we'll get from a latestage chrisbianca but like. dude. like. 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀. like. !

[flowing-memories]

On the eve of April 2018, I was proud. I had done something that almost everyone said that I could not, even my own parents. I won the boxing meet of under 19, 70 kilogram division. My rival , a stocky muscular guy, known for getting into fights in school.

“ he is gonna crush you”

said the other people in the boxing team.

“ you won’t stand a chance”

said my father.

“ you are gonna get injured”

said my mother.

Only three people cheered me on, my own two brothers and my best friend.

“ You got this”

said the little one

“ when you feel breathless, know he is too”

good advice from the older brother

“ oh and imagine he cursed mom”

even better advice.

“ I’ll be watching when you win”

said my bestie.

And despite all odds I won, and when I got home everyone congratulated me, my dad hugged me.

“ He’s a real man”

“ I knew that you had it in you”

“ what a champ”

the first compliment struck a nerve. “ he’s a real man”… It got me thinking, “ what makes a real man?”

more importantly, “ Am I happpy being a man?”

“Men don’t cry

Men don’t pout

Men chuck you in the jaw and say

Thanks for coming out”

that’s what the boondocks saints said anyways.

I am a good actor. If you ask around they will say, “ he’s the quiet, calm, tough guy”.

“ He always picks the harder path, brave one he is”

I look the part too.

“ you mean the one with the thick beard and the broad chest?”

“ dude you're hairier than a sloth bear”

“ what you lack in height you get in muscle”

But in the end it’s all just and act. When I come home from all the day and I look myself in the mirror. I can see something shocking, terrible.. If you were a biological female, it would seeing yourself,

growing body hair all over the place

getting beefy

facial hair growing on your face that needs daily trimming.

Your breasts being as flatter than a wooden Planck

Hearing a deep toned manly voice

If you were a guy, it would be like

having man boobs.

Not a single string of hair in your face,

broad hips that make you look like a girl.

No matter how much you workout, those muscles are not growing.

If you were wondering , it is the first one for me.

I am not happy with my male physique. I am not happy with the fact that I can’t cry when I want to when I am outside. I am not happy being tough and masculine.

In the end I am a girl stuck inside of a horrible body that is getting masculine with each passing day.

And being born in a country where it’s not normal to be anything other than straight or cisgender does not help. Sure I can fight, I can be the intimidating guy in the room. But it is all an act. An act done very well by girl stuck in a male suit, wearing a menacing mask.

This is my curse.

Women can fight, women can be strong and brave and scary ( yes scary. My mom taught me that: lol)

My act does not make me a man. And its sad that people can’t and won’t see the true me.

Even I never got a chance to learn what kind of a woman I am.

The only thing I know about myself is that I can bear this. Act...But for how long?

[amplesalty]

Halloween 2020 - Day 13 - Warm Bodies (2013)

The power of love is a curious thing...

I think maybe I made a similar point in my post about Anna and the Apocalypse but Shaun of the Dead does have a lot to answer for for popularising the whole zom com thing. That’s not to say zombie movies didn’t exist before then with comedic elements but it certainly re-established it and paved the way for a lot of similar movies that followed in its. This particular one is very much in the ‘rom zom com’ category and is possibly another one of those examples of movies coming out relatively close together with similar ideas, in reference to Life After Beth which came out in 2014. That one is slightly different though with it being about an existing relationship changing due to the girl becoming a zombie, whereas here it’s the guy that’s the zombie but he stumbles upon the girl and starts falling for her. Plus it’s told from the zombies point of view which I feel like you don’t really get very often.

Nicholas Hoult, he of About a Boy, Skins and X-Men fame, plays the zombie ‘R’, so called because he can only remember the initial of his first name. We get a lot of narration at the start skimming over how the world came to be infected with zombies and how he spends most of his days just shuffling around an airport, collecting bits and bobs to keep in the airplane that serves as his home of sorts.

Either that or hanging with his bestie at one of the airport bars, even if that just amounts to awkwardly staring at each other and grunting.

Gotta keep away from the next level zombies though which are more like skeletons because apparently there comes a point where even the regular zombies will just give up, abandon whatever shred of humanity they have left and tear the skin of their body, turning into this more feral ghoul. Kinda like what I was talking about in Pandorum/Dark Souls actually.

It’s surprising for a film to be able to evoke a feeling of sympathy for a zombie but they’re not normally humanised in this way. In just about any zombie movie you care to name, and here as well, survivors are told to detach any feelings they have for these things because they’re not our mothers or fathers, sisters, brothers etc etc anymore, they’re just a souless, unthinking creature looking for its next meal. But here we have something that goes against that, it kinda puts me in mind of those people who are ‘locked in’, people still conscious, thinking and with reason but unable to move or talk. R has all these articulate thoughts in his head but can’t express them outside of maybe being able to stutter out the odd word or two.

When he and a group of his zombie pals go out on a hunt, they run into a similar group of survivors who are out scavenging for medical supplies, led by Julie who is the daughter of a military leader who oversees the survivors. Unbeknownst to her, R kills her boyfriend and it’s here we learn that when a zombie eats the brains of its victim, it absorbs their thoughts and memories. It adds another layer of complexity to the situation as R explains that if without eating the brain, the victim is doomed to become another one of the walking undead so it’s kind of a rock and a hard place situation. Do you doom another person to this limbo state or do you basically carry the burden of their soul with you?

Whether it’s down to his own initial attraction to her, the guilt from killing her boyfriend or maybe inheriting some of his feelings towards her, he helps Julie escape by masking her scent from the other zombies with blood and takes her back to his plane batchelor pad where she slowly lets her guard down when she sees how he’s trying to more human and they start to become friendly with each other.

But as the movie progresses, it’s another oddity to the movie in you know how there’s a big cliché in a lot of movies where there’s a lie or a secret between a couple or a group of people or whatever and you just know at some point during the movie this is going to come out and everythings going to go bad for a while before everyone eventually reconciles? I never thought I would get that in a zombie movie.

And in the end, it turns out the Warm Bodies were the friends we made along the way...

Gosh, I really liked this one. It’s just really super cute and sweet which I wasn’t expecting. Not just for R and Julie but the zombies in general and the journey they go through. It’s a bit odd to say considering I opened this likening it to Life After Beth but it really does feel like a unique spin on the zombie genre. There’s Maggie as well that I’ve seen that deals with a more personal look at dealing with a loved one slipping into the zombie state but this is like bringing someone back from that. There’s probably other examples I’m not aware of but this was new to me. I like how this was released in February as well, right in time for Valentines Day. Makes a bit of a change from the usual romantic movie fare.

[bluboothalassophile]

Hey! I just started reading the HfaB universe stuff. And I really like reading your stuff with Terry. I was hoping for some stuff with older Lian. Since she is probably my favourite kid in the comics. I think it would be cool tho to see some Terry and Lian besties interaction

Hello,

Lian and Terry are HfaB besties but for whatever reason this one shot did not go in that direction, but I hope you enjoy older Lian! =)

Sadie Hawkins Problems...

Lian Thea Harper was not a wuss, nor was she intimidated, and she firmly believed that she could take whatever problem came at her head on and with a lot of fire power backing her up.

After all, she was the daughter of Roy Harper and Jason Todd.

And YES, she was their daughter, didn’t matter that both her dads were married, they were her parents well before they had gotten hitched. Which was why, Lian had a problem at school with the Sadie Hawkins Dance, she would fucking handle it! It wasn’t like she was a pussy and couldn’t ask a guy out!

She was not a lesbian or something despite the rumors flying around behind her back; she was aware of the rumors, she just didn’t give a shit. If the best thing people had to obsess about was the sexual identity of someone who was not them, then they were sad folks. Besides, it wasn’t like it would fucking matter. Sex was private and personal and everyone else’s opinions could butt out.

But the problem was, she had boasted she’d be at the dance; with a date, and even if it killed her (because it really and truly just might), she would have a date for the night. Allie Jackson had ignited the challenge to Lian by laughing in Lian’s face when Lian had straight up said she would love to go to the dance but she had plans. Then Ally had proceeded to inform Lian that she was essentially an ugly, tasteless cow who wouldn’t dare to show her face at the Sadie Hawkins dance in shame because her unfeminine self couldn’t even attract a guy. Lian of course had only just refrained from punching Allie in her stupid face, but stated she’d be there, in a dress and with a date! And the problem was: no guy apparently was ballsy enough to just man up and say yes to her. She had asked her crush, the linebacker on Varsity, but he said he was waiting on Sandy Swanson’s ask, her second crush, the point guard, had said no so nervously after assuring her he was flattered and thought it sweet she was trying to stay in the closet but he was going out of the closet (yeah, that one was a shock), and the geek in chemistry, he had had an asthma attack and she had run him to the nurse’s office.

Which was what brought her into the Young Justice meeting.

Normally she would NEVER do this. But she was desperate.

Her team, her childhood friends, who were really more like siblings, if she was honest, consisted of Mar'i Grayson (who could literally get anyone she wanted if she asked), Helena Wayne (who was liable to steal it if people didn’t just hand it over to her), Max (Terry’s BFF at school who was tech support, and who also could get anyone she asked out to say yes), and Terry. There was also Mareena Curry (Princess of Atlantis), Nora West, Lara Kent, and finally, there was Tai Pham.

Her options were limited, but she’d be damned if she let Allie Jackson be right. She refused, so that left her desperate and scraping the bottom of the barrel as she stalked into YJ HQ and saw Terry working with his older brother on hand to hand while Jason talked the gathered members through what Robin was doing.

Lian stalked to the locker room, not even acknowledging her dad as she went there; she’d change, have a spar and then proceed to blackmail Terry into attending the dance with her; or Tai. The problem was she didn’t have blackmail on Tai, so she’d probably be blackmailing Terry.

Briefly Lian paused in the mirror, she was in sweats and a sports bra, and she looked at herself seriously in the mirror. Okay, so she wasn’t queen of the looks department like her biological mother was. Her black hair never laid down nicely, her nose had been busted when she was ten and testing on of Grandpa Ollie’s arrows, her face wasn’t bad, and she didn’t have a curvy figure but she was tall and athletic, she wasn’t gangly or disproportionate. She had nice skin, though there was a bit of acne on her brow from her domino mask, but she wasn’t ugly. Sure she had never put on all that makeup or dressed up for school; usually sticking to hoodies, jeans and boots, but she wasn’t hopeless!

Sighing she yanked her hair up and zipped up her hoodie. Perhaps the problem was she was tall and athletic, it wasn’t like people knew she was Speedy!

Lian sighed as she slumped against the wall and Mar'i flounced over. She could envy Mar'i, think everything was easier for Mar'i but Lian knew that that was far from the truth. Nothing had been easy for Mar'i Grayson, she knew that, but still, Lian kind of envied Mar'i for looking like a goddess.

“What’s got a frown on that face?” Mar'i giggled poking Lian’s dimple.

“Stupid stuff,” she snapped glaring at Mar'i.

“I doubt that,” Mar'i giggled. “Come on, you can tell me!”

“I need a stupid date for that stupid Sadie Hawkins Dance or that dumb bitch Allie Jackson is going to make my life a living hell for the remaining two years of high school!” Lian shrieked. And she really wanted to punch Mar'i for giggling at her plight.

“You need a date!?” her head snapped over to Tai who stood there looking at her and Mar'i.

“Uh… yeah,” she grimaced.

“I have never been to a high school dance before, it could be fun! Can I go!?” Tai pleaded.

“This was way easier than I was expecting,” Lian said.

“Is that a yes!?” he grinned. “I know all the cool dances and I promise not to geek out and make you uncool!” he promised.

“Uh… I’m cool with geeking out, so long as we don’t debate Star Wars.”

“Deal!” Tai grinned.

Lian smiled at the smaller Green Lantern and was immensely grateful to have him around now as she accepted him as her date for the Sadie Hawkins Dance.

“I get to pick the dress and pretty you up so Allie Jackson can eat her words!” Mar'i whispered as Tai bounced off.

“Obviously I need yours and Helena’s help!” Lian muttered.

[teddylvpn]

❝ Some are just born to burn; you can tell by their firework smiles bright enough to strike a match. But here’s the strangest part: some are so terribly brilliant that we wouldn’t mind burning with them. ❞

INSPO: pinboard and stats page ( I’ll post this when i finish it ).

TRIGGER WARNINGS: parental death

QUICK FACTS:  twenty-seven, former slytherin, former sergeant of the auror’s dept. a little addicted to gambling/card sharking, his hair changes color with his mood but is normally a nice dark navy. besties with victoire. gonna marry nadia zabini my dudes. doesn’t take shit and always lends a helping hand to those in need.

❝ He is a sun in human skin; bright enough to blind, yes, bright enough to ravage corneas and hearts alike, but you have been on fire from the start and the burning has always been worth it. ❞ TREVANTE RHODES? No, that’s actually TEDDY LUPIN. Only TWENTY-SEVEN years old, this SLYTHERIN alumni works as UNEMPLOYED and is sided with THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX. HE/THEY identifies as DEMI BOY and is a HALFBLOOD (METAMORPHMAGUS) who is known to be SLY, NOSY, and SELF-SACRIFICIAL but also HONEST, PLAYFUL, and COMPASSIONATE.

[ TW: PARENTAL DEATH MENTION ] Teddy had come as a surprise to Dora and Remus, one that had somehow brought them back together. To say his parents where happy during their time with him would be a lie. They weren’t the healthiest couple and due to Remus’ fear of Teddy becoming like him – it even strained their relationship with him during the time he spent kicking around in the womb. The month after his birth is a different story. Though their time was cut short, Remus had warmed up to his bubblegum-pink haired infant and his relationship with Tonks had smoothed out just before their demise.

Teddy spent most of his childhood bouncing between his grandmother and his godfather, Harry Potter. Though it was his grandmother’s place that he called home. Teddy grew up curious as to how different his life would be if his parents were still with him. Countless people had countless stories of his parents. They would tell him how they were heroes, how they gave their life for the greater good and while he thought that was brave...he would have rather them be there with him. He had Andromeda though. It was her and him against the world and he’d never give her anything less than the whole world.

The first day of Hogwarts was a train wreck. The letter came just as expected, he’d breezed through shopping in Diagon Alley, and literally could not stay still on the train ride to Hogwarts. Once he stepped on the boats the looks he’d gotten from Hagrid, then McGonagall, the rest of the professors as he made his way down to let the sorting hat crown his head had created a pit in his stomach. Pity and sorrow– nothing he needed but it seemed his first year would be full of it. There were whispers of Hufflepuff or Gryffindor but he had surprised everyone with Slytherin. He was welcome graciously but still he was received by careful kindness though he felt it was more because he was an orphan than actual kindness. He spent that first week moping, hair colored black/blue, using his free time to stare, teary-eyed up at his parents portraits and ushered into McGonagall’s office for tea and biscuits. He wanted nothing more than to go home and crawl into his grandmother’s arms but he didn’t -- Teddy stood strong and stubborn.

Time passed as it always does and he eventually grew used to the pity in their eyes until it slowly disappeared all together. Around his fourth year, at least in school, he’d grown out of the ‘Poor Orphan’ trope and made a name for himself outside of his parents – which is a necessity of growing.

He was quite popular through out his years in Hogwarts due to a shining personality that even McGonagall herself couldn’t  hold a straight face towards. Aside from family history, his hair, handsome looks ( OH BUT U THINK HE GONNA LET HIMSELF NOT LOOK GOOD, FRIENDS U WRONG ) tendency to hold out a helping hand to anyone had plenty on team Teddy. He eventually would get a Head Student role in his seventh year just because of his compassion, natural leadership and charisma.

However, Teddy continued on his own little legacy into his career after he graduated. He was ( still is ) well loved once he entered the aurors field, finding a lot of older aurors who were friends of his mother and father who were willing to take him under their wing. And just like school he breezed through ( perhaps not the best but he definitely had the qualities that earned him an extra star or two ). He became particularly famous for high priority targets he brought in due to being a metamorphmagus. And just in two years after finishing his training, he was promoted to Sergeant of the Auror’s department, working at the side of Harry Potter himself.

He’d happen to stumble upon talk of an ‘attack’ late in October on a covert mission he’d set himself on to get a lead on the movements of the death eaters. But he would come o Harry’s rescue much too late. Teddy attempted to save him and dueled with Death Eaters cloaked in masks that would have taken him as a victim with the three. He escaped to a ‘close friends’ house and recuperated until the memorial.

Eventually he lost his status as Sergeant and was fired from the auror’s department two weeks after Fawley took over. He now is technically unemployed but he manages well with gambling death eaters out of their money.

He acts as a second in command for the Order of the Phoenix and tends to take on the more dangerous missions alone due to his meta abilities.

Personality:

basically teddy is the type to find the best in every situation so he’s rarely bothered by other people and usually finds any attempt to ‘shake’ him hilarious.

he’s very open with everything and upfront with his feelings. if his happy, he will tell you, if he’s sad, he’ll tell you. ( and yes his hair is a makeshift mood ring so study up on color symbolism )

a big goofball tbh. super troll-y and down for a good drag. he is savage and he is a take no prisoner type of person. LOL even if you are lily potter, he’s gonna drag u – with love <3

he’s a proper snake when it comes to games. he’s good at strategizing and it’s rare that he’ll lose unless it’s on purpose or if HE is drunk tbh. basically he’s a CARD SHARK. he’ll cheat you right out of every cent you have though…he mostly keeps to snatching that money from the drunks in hogsmeade. and by drunks, teddy means douchebags or the corrupted members of society – watch your pockets de’s.

on the subject of family, he lived mostly with his grandmother. kind of going back and forth between the potters and andromeda’s home. he adores the wotters and kind of takes over the big brother type of role for any of them. he’s quite sensitive on the topic of family so he doesnt quite consider the wotters family because they aren’t?? – his family is andromeda and his parents and he feels that he should keep them separated. HOWEVER this does not mean he is anti-wotters or he loves them any less??? honestly he adores every single one of them.

he doesnt really talk about his parents. that’s probably the one thing he refuses to be open about and will remove himself from the situation if it’s brought up.

[crankpendletonplays-blog]

Numb-Jughead Jones

Pairing: Jughead x Reader

Description:

Protective jughead x reader where shes a csa victim and self harms as a coping mechanism & he finds out and comforts her when she's triggered by something & expresses his feelings for her? if youre uncomfortable with this feel free to change it/say no but could you do a jughead imagine where he and reader are besties but she hides her depression because she knows about his home situation. he knows something is up and somehow catches her hurting herself one day and gets angry but explains hes mad because he cares about her and she kept it from him when he coulda tried to help and ends with them as a couple somehow? Fluffy angst? Love your writing so much, and thanks for considering Hey! Just a small request for JugheadxReader where the reader self harms and he comforts them :) thank you! Had all of these in my inbox so I thought I’d combine them and make them one big imagine! Hope you guys enjoy this!! Warnings: Self-Inflicted harm, mentions of self-inflicted harm, mentions of mentality disorders, violence, mentions of rape/sexual assault, pg-13, Mentions of suicide, suicidal thoughts.

------------------------------------------------------------------------ If there’s one thing I’ve come to terms with in my 16 years of living, it’s that the older you get, the more this façade you’ve built of the world as a child slowly crumbles at your feet, until everything is gray. I mean, you see color, obviously. The sun is yellow, the sky is blue, the grass is green, nothing new there. It’s more like, everything feels gray. The leaves aren’t as vibrant as they used to be, the perfect white picket fences suddenly look chipped and decayed, almost like it had been that way all along, and everything was wearing a mask. You also learn that everybody around you wears a mask as well. Nobody is as happy or as great as they claim to be anymore, and some hide it well compared to others. I was one of those people.

My childhood had been pretty normal up until middle school. That’s when everything kind of went to shit. My dad left my family, my grandma died, and my cousin died in a drunk driving accident all in one year. I was also bullied at school a lot, and ended up being jumped by a group of kids when I was walking home alone in eighth grade. I laid in the alley way for what felt like hours, just staring up at the sky while all the kids beat me and did unspeakable things to my body until I couldn’t even feel it anymore. They eventually left me for dead until by some miracle, Jason Blossom had been walking home from his football practice and found me. My older brother was friends with him, and he was considered a part of my family. He went to Riverdale, the same high school that awaited me that next summer after I left middle school.

I still don’t know how Jason managed to do it, but he had carried me five miles to the town’s hospital, where my mom and brother had been waiting. My mom burst in to tears when she saw me covered in blood and grime in the older boy’s arms. I remembered her asking me simple questions, like who the president was, and what year it was. I didn’t even have the energy to answer her. I was numb.

That was the day the sun turned gray for me.

Of course, there was a whole legal battle. My mom tried to press charges and get everybody involved arrested, but the only thing they had were a few witnesses, and a few items two of the people had dropped. The most we could do was get a restraining order on the worst of them, but it didn’t help much. My older brother made me write down every single name, and I made him promise not to hurt any of them. He obviously didn’t, because the next day he, Jason, and my best friend Jughead came back to the hospital with bruises and cuts, and when I asked they told me not to worry about it.

A month later I was attacked again by one of the boys in the exact same alley way. He caught me alone walking home again, late in the evening. I tried to scream and yell, but no words left my mouth as I did my best to get him away from me. The feeling of your clothes being torn of your body and unfamiliar hands touching you in the most horrific ways is by far the second worst feeling in the world, the first being having your virginity ripped away from you at 14 years old by a horny high school boy who didn’t care about the consequences. It’s a feeling that makes you unable to feel anything at all except broken and numb.

I was diagnosed with PTSD, anxiety, and depression a year later, to follow with my insomnia. I was handed pill bottle after pill bottle, handed to doctor after doctor, took test after test, none of it mattered though. None of it could fix me. None of it could erase what the boy did to me, or how all he got was a slap on the wrist after leaving me half naked and cold in an alley way after leaving his semen all in between my legs

I started self-harming because I wanted to feel again. I wanted to hurt. I wanted to feel pain, I wanted to feel the sting of the blade on my skin, or the blood running down my arms, something, anything, but I couldn’t. I was just numb.

I was good at hiding it though. I was good at faking a smile, and making everyone think I was ok. I was good at pretending to be happy and avoiding the elephant in the room just like everyone else did.

Jughead and I had made a promise with each other a long time ago to not keep secrets from each other. I knew that. Of course I felt bad about lying to him, but I was keeping this from him for his sake, or, at least I tried to convince myself that this was my “logical explanation” for it. Jughead had too much on his plate to handle me as well. Hell, he had the fucking sheriff on his trail, accusing him of murdering the guy that saved my life,

My thighs burned as the fresh cuts rubbed against the short jean fabric, but I still didn’t feel pain. Of course, it physically hurt, but only my thigh. My chest was still numb in the place where my heart rested, beating and thumping against my ribs, but lacking any feeling. I was mentally numb from head to toe.

I paced up the bridge, heaving my body up until I was standing in the middle, looking out over the edge of Sweetwater river. I looked over the ledge, the water running and swirling through the creek calmly, the jagged rocks pointing up at me, almost beckoning me to pull myself up on to the concrete ledge and fall to their doom. If I couldn’t feel anything in life, maybe l could feel something in death.

I pulled myself up on the ledge, sitting and swinging my legs so they dangled over the water dangerously. I wasn’t scared. I don’t know if that surprised me or not.

I pulled out my phone, texting Jughead twice before shoving my phone back in my pocket.

“How do you stop somebody from making a bad decision?” “I’m at the bridge.”

I looked out at river for what felt like years, thinking about everything and nothing all at once. Would anyone even really care if I was dead? Do I even matter?

Of course people would care. My family would care, Jughead would care.

But for how long?

Would I even leave a dent, or a hole, or a mark on people’s lives if I was dead? Or I would just be another case of a tragic fucked up teen who didn’t get the help they needed in time?

Whatever, it didn’t matter.

None of it mattered anymore.

I couldn’t even feel it.

I sighed, pulling myself up so I was standing on the ledge. I took a deep breath, looking out at the water. I could almost hear Jughead’s voice in the back of my head, screaming at me to stop, begging and pleading me not to do this.

It was almost like he was here.

Wait. Was he?

I turned my head to look over my shoulder, seeing the boy sprint toward me wildly. Had we not been in this particular situation. I probably would have been laughing my ass of and making a snarky comment about how I had never seen him run before.

I froze.

Holy shit, he was running. He never runs.

I turned back around, looking down at the edge once more. I shuffled forward quickly so the only things left on the concrete were the backs of my high tops, before holding my arms out and beginning to lean forward.

Everything that happened next felt like those slow mo scenes in Matrix, where Keanu Reeves dodges bullets like a fucking badass, except this time, there were no bullets. Just me, falling to my death, and Jughead’s arms wrapping around my torso and pulling me off the ledge, the both of us stumbling and falling on to the cemented bridge.

For the first time in a long time, I felt things again.

I felt Jughead’s arm wrapped tightly around my waist. I felt his hand on my thigh, his fingers flat against the bright red cuts and faded scars that littered my skin there. I felt his head on my shoulder, and his hair against my neck.

And I felt fear.

I felt the fear of what I had just done, what I was getting ready to do. I felt the pain of the cuts and bruises on my body. I felt the pain of what those people had done to me and my body.

I turned in Jughead’s arms, my body wrapping itself around his instinctively. Both of our faces were wet when he shoved his lips on to mine, our tears mixing together as they feel freely down our faces. The pain, fear, and hurt that I had felt in those ten seconds were immediately replaced with new feelings.

Love.

Happiness.

Hope.

Faith.

For the first time in forever, I finally felt something. I wasn’t numb, or cold because I felt something bigger than that. I felt love.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, or at risk of suicide, please call the number 1-800-273-8255. This is not the end. You will never not matter. People do love you and you will leave a dent in their lives. Don’t give a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

[teddylvpn]

❝ Some are just born to burn; you can tell by their firework smiles bright enough to strike a match. But here’s the strangest part: some are so terribly brilliant that we wouldn’t mind burning with them. ❞

INSPO: pinboard and stats page ( I’ll post this when i finish it ).

TRIGGER WARNINGS: parental death

QUICK FACTS:  twenty-seven, former slytherin, former sergeant of the auror’s dept. a little addicted to gambling/card sharking, his hair changes color with his mood but is normally a nice dark navy. besties with victoire. gonna marry nadia zabini my dudes. doesn’t take shit and always lends a helping hand to those in need.

❝ He is a sun in human skin; bright enough to blind, yes, bright enough to ravage corneas and hearts alike, but you have been on fire from the start and the burning has always been worth it. ❞ MICHAEL B. JORDAN? No, that’s actually TEDDY LUPIN. Only TWENTY-SEVEN years old, this SLYTHERIN alumni works as UNEMPLOYED and is sided with THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX. HE/THEY identifies as DEMI BOY and is a HALFBLOOD (METAMORPHMAGUS) who is known to be SLY, NOSY, and SELF-SACRIFICIAL but also HONEST, PLAYFUL, and COMPASSIONATE.

[ TW: PARENTAL DEATH MENTION ] Teddy had come as a surprise to Dora and Remus, one that had somehow brought them back together. To say his parents where happy during their time with him would be a lie. They weren’t the healthiest couple and due to Remus’ fear of Teddy becoming like him – it even strained their relationship with him during the time he spent kicking around in the womb. The month after his birth is a different story. Though their time was cut short, Remus had warmed up to his bubblegum-pink haired infant and his relationship with Tonks had smoothed out just before their demise.

Teddy spent most of his childhood bouncing between his grandmother and his godfather, Harry Potter. Though it was his grandmother’s place that he called home. Teddy grew up curious as to how different his life would be if his parents were still with him. Countless people had countless stories of his parents. They would tell him how they were heroes, how they gave their life for the greater good and while he thought that was brave...he would have rather them be there with him. He had Andromeda though. It was her and him against the world and he’d never give her anything less than the whole world.

The first day of Hogwarts was a train wreck. The letter came just as expected, he’d breezed through shopping in Diagon Alley, and literally could not stay still on the train ride to Hogwarts. Once he stepped on the boats the looks he’d gotten from Hagrid, then McGonagall, the rest of the professors as he made his way down to let the sorting hat crown his head had created a pit in his stomach. Pity and sorrow– nothing he needed but it seemed his first year would be full of it. There were whispers of Hufflepuff or Gryffindor but he had surprised everyone with Slytherin. He was welcome graciously but still he was received by careful kindness though he felt it was more because he was an orphan than actual kindness. He spent that first week moping, hair colored black/blue, using his free time to stare, teary-eyed up at his parents portraits and ushered into McGonagall’s office for tea and biscuits. He wanted nothing more than to go home and crawl into his grandmother’s arms but he didn’t -- Teddy stood strong and stubborn.

Time passed as it always does and he eventually grew used to the pity in their eyes until it slowly disappeared all together. Around his fourth year, at least in school, he’d grown out of the ‘Poor Orphan’ trope and made a name for himself outside of his parents – which is a necessity of growing.

He was quite popular through out his years in Hogwarts due to a shining personality that even McGonagall herself couldn’t  hold a straight face towards. Aside from family history, his hair, handsome looks ( OH BUT U THINK HE GONNA LET HIMSELF NOT LOOK GOOD, FRIENDS U WRONG ) tendency to hold out a helping hand to anyone had plenty on team Teddy. He eventually would get a Head Student role in his seventh year just because of his compassion, natural leadership and charisma.

However, Teddy continued on his own little legacy into his career after he graduated. He was ( still is ) well loved once he entered the aurors field, finding a lot of older aurors who were friends of his mother and father who were willing to take him under their wing. And just like school he breezed through ( perhaps not the best but he definitely had the qualities that earned him an extra star or two ). He became particularly famous for high priority targets he brought in due to being a metamorphmagus. And just in two years after finishing his training, he was promoted to Sergeant of the Auror’s department, working at the side of Harry Potter himself.

He’d happen to stumble upon talk of an ‘attack’ late in October on a covert mission he’d set himself on to get a lead on the movements of the death eaters. But he would come o Harry’s rescue much too late. Teddy attempted to save him and dueled with Death Eaters cloaked in masks that would have taken him as a victim with the three. He escaped to a ‘close friends’ house and recuperated until the memorial.

Eventually he lost his status as Sergeant and was fired from the auror’s department two weeks after Fawley took over. He now is technically unemployed but he manages well with gambling death eaters out of their money.

He acts as a second in command for the Order of the Phoenix and tends to take on the more dangerous missions alone due to his meta abilities.

Personality:

basically teddy is the type to find the best in every situation so he’s rarely bothered by other people and usually finds any attempt to ‘shake’ him hilarious.

he’s very open with everything and upfront with his feelings. if his happy, he will tell you, if he’s sad, he’ll tell you. ( and yes his hair is a makeshift mood ring so study up on color symbolism )

a big goofball tbh. super troll-y and down for a good drag. he is savage and he is a take no prisoner type of person. LOL even if you are lily potter, he’s gonna drag u – with love <3

he’s a proper snake when it comes to games. he’s good at strategizing and it’s rare that he’ll lose unless it’s on purpose or if HE is drunk tbh. basically he’s a CARD SHARK. he’ll cheat you right out of every cent you have though…he mostly keeps to snatching that money from the drunks in hogsmeade. and by drunks, teddy means douchebags or the corrupted members of society – watch your pockets de’s.

on the subject of family, he lived mostly with his grandmother. kind of going back and forth between the potters and andromeda’s home. he adores the wotters and kind of takes over the big brother type of role for any of them. he’s quite sensitive on the topic of family so he doesnt quite consider the wotters family because they aren’t?? – his family is andromeda and his parents and he feels that he should keep them separated. HOWEVER this does not mean he is anti-wotters or he loves them any less??? honestly he adores every single one of them.

he doesnt really talk about his parents. that’s probably the one thing he refuses to be open about and will remove himself from the situation if it’s brought up.