#the only “health issue” he’s had since i was born was eye issues bc he got shot in the head back in vietnam

[lilacsandamethysts]

Ragnvindr(s)

Pairing: Diluc x fem!Reader (she/her pronouns)

Summary: The Ragnvindr clan is expecting a new addition.

Warnings: pregnancy and mention of kids, characters expecting and becoming parents

A/N: Hi im back, hopefully i'll manage to post more regularly bc I have truly missed this (writing and posting). This is the first fic of my dad!character series bc I have a huge case of baby fever and seeing my favorites as dads satisfies my daddy and abandonment issues.

“Can you please take a seat? Boss is going to kill me if he finds out you’ve been exerting yourself.” Charles could have sworn to any archon willing to listen to his pleas that he had lost ten years from his life during this six hour shift. He was on bar duty this evening, nothing out of the ordinary, nothing he couldn’t handle and nothing he hadn’t done before. What he hadn’t done before was have his boss’s pregnant wife on duty with him. “I swear miss, you’re giving me gray hairs.” Funny, now that he thinks of it, he had heard his boss utter the same exact words three hours prior when he dropped her off, a thin layer of sweat covering his forehead as he had looked at his wife worryingly. She rolled her eyes at his comments going back to cleaning the dried glasses littering the underside of the bar. 

“Barbara said that moving around would do me good. Besides,” she frowned at him, the fire burning in her eyes making it clear to Charles why master Diluc had found his match in her. “I’m feeling peachy.” She wasn’t even that far along, stomach barely showing from under her slightly loose blouse. Diluc, ever since it had been revealed that her sudden unwellness was due to her expecting their child, had become thrice as protective than he already was, barely leaving her out of his sight. Truthfully, as much as she loved and cherished her husband, being under constant surveillance was starting to irritate her. She couldn’t fault him; this was his first time going through such an experience and he was rightfully anxious. A soft hum escaped her lips at the thought of his frazzled gaze every time she shifted in her seat while they went through documents of the winery. Diluc was going to be an amazing father, she knew that from the moment she announced her pregnancy to him. What she was even more certain about was, the gray hairs he was bound to start sprouting by the end of these agonizingly long nine months.

The door to the tavern flew open and in stepped a slightly agitated Diluc, hair sticking out from his usual high ponytail he dawns whenever he works behind the bar and eyes darting all over her figure as she continued to shine the glass in her hand. His shoulders sagged slightly in relief upon seeing her in one piece. With a sigh he shed the heavy layers on his shoulders before walking behind the bar, peking her cheek once with a hand resting on the slight bump of her stomach. 

“Why are you up? Again.” He said, a serious expression engraved on his features, brows furrowing when she simply hummed in response. He sighed again, rubbing at his temples before kissing her cheek again and reaching for one of her glasses. “You two are going to be the death of me.” 

“And they haven’t even been born yet.” She giggled again, leaning into his side, head tilting so it rests securely on his shoulder. Instinctively, he leaned closer, cheek smooshed on her hairline. “Imagine the terror once they start walking or even worse, running.” She swears she could already see the dark circles forming under his eyes which only made her laugh harder. The shift went by calmly with the tavern not being at its highest customer rate. They even got the chance to close up earlier than usual and make it back to the manner before midnight. Once inside, Diluc helped her hang her coat-even though she whined about being capable of doing it herself- and then led her to the kitchen where their dinner awaited them on the counter. Adelinde had taken it upon herself to teach both her masters the art of healthy nutrition; she had tried twice before in the past but they both were too stubborn and drowning in work to keep up a healthy diet, now with a child on the way they were more than willing to listen to her advice. 

Taking a seat side by side they dug in, emptying their plates in a matter of minutes with not even a peep leaving their lips until they were both done. Diluc brought her chair closer to his own, one arm draped over her shoulders while the other traced patterns on the fabric of her shirt absentmindedly, an action he seemed to be doing more and more each day. He had developed a habit of touching her in some way no matter the time or place or who was with them; whether it be his hand on the small of her back or his warm palm engulfing her own, an arm around her waist or merely their pinkies linked, Diluc couldn’t seem to let go of her no matter what. The citizens of Mondstadt would swoon at his blatant displays of affection, eyes full of unfathomable softness whenever they saw the soon to be parents on a stroll through the busy streets. There were still those select few who side eyed the couple -mostly her-, those whose jealousy shown through the happy facade, who sometimes didn’t even hide their displeasure at the fact that the informant who had managed to take Master DIluc off the market a few years prior was now securing her spot further with the birth of an heir. The Ragnvindrs merely scoffed at their sly comments and back handed compliments, Diluc usually making a mental note to have a word with the Knights about their insolent behavior. 

“Our baby is the size of a sweet potato.” She softly broke the silence, hand gently resting on the small sweet potato sized bump. “And in about four weeks they’ll be as big as a pomegranate.” Diluc couldn’t help but place his hand over hers, running his thumb over her knuckles before kissing the crown of her head. 

“Barbara sure has a weird way of measuring the weeks of pregnancy.” He unlatched himself from her, hand still resting over her own, as he examined the curve of her stomach trying and failing to imagine a sweet potato sized baby. Eyebrows scrunched in concentration, he failed to notice the pure disbelief written on his wife’s face. 

“Are…are you trying to actually imagine a sweet potato?” He looked at her sheepishly for a moment, big red eyes filled with nothing but serenity. Laughter echoed through the empty halls as she burst out into a fit of snorts making Diluc join her after a moment. Once calm, he brought her unbelievably close, kissing the tip of her nose before tucking her head in the crook of his neck and letting his eyelids fall shut. 

“I love you.” 

BONUS: 

The sun was at its highest when Katheryn spotted the family enter the city. The edges of her eyes crinkled as she nodded in acknowledgement at Master Diluc, red hair a mess from the strong winds of the city of freedom. Even worse was the mop of red hair in his arms as his daughter played with the ruby pendant around his neck, completely ignoring her hair obscuring her fathers’ vision. Turning around, they waited for their counterparts to catch up as the lady of house Ragnvindr strode up the steps, another mop of red hair in her arms in the form of a little boy this time, fast asleep while clutching his mothers’ blouse.

[friends-to-lovers-tournament]

Friends to Lovers Tournament: Round 2, Side A, Match 4

propaganda under the cut!

Fuyupoly:

Submission 1:

they're from the winter troupe of the mankai company, and unlike the other troupes they're all adults. that said, they all have varying degrees of trauma and emotional stuntedness. it takes them some time to fully open up to each other bc they're all very cautious of each other's boundaries and don't want to cross any lines which initially led to some issues in the group's formation. over time they've learned to bridge the gap while still being mindful of hard boundaries. at one point they have a discussion about what exactly their relationship is (gay) cuz they were talking about how the other troupes have clearly defined dynamics (spring=family, summer=besties, autumn=rivals & teammates) but they don't,, and homare deadass says they're "people bound by a common destiny" which in and of itself sounds very Gay (like why are you as a man bound to other men by a common destiny), but it goes even further because homare starts spouting WEDDING VOWS: "In sickness and in health, for better or for worse, we shall share our laughter and our tears as those with an intertwined fate... How beautiful we are!" THIS IS A DIRECT QUOTE FROM THE GAME AND THE MC EVEN REMARKS "i can already hear wedding bells in the distance..." 

gradually they become closer, in individual sub-units based on who's paired up as co-leads for a play, and as a troupe overall. also two of its members are childhood friends who had a messy 'divorce' in their young adulthood and it took the game breaking its genre to introduce a timeloop for them to finally make up if that means anything to you. one of their troupe songs "precious to us ~bokura no kisetsu" has some pretty beautiful and fruity lines: "The many kindnesses born in me here / Never fail to breathe life into my chest / Even all the pain and bitterness / Have now become dear to me (Ah…Stay with me)", "No matter how many times our season passes / Let us keep living together / Holding our hands, without ever letting go / Let us open up the curtain of tomorrow", "There is no need for words, because once our gazes meet / Joy sparks a light in your eyes", "Our journey, may it be a brilliant one / As our breaths overlap as one"

a lot of their plays has a LOT of homoerotic tension between the two leads too. their first play has tsumugi and tasuku play angels, and it's heavily implied that tasuku's character has an unrequited crush on tsumugi's character. their third play has azuma play a vampire and tasuku play Just Some Guy and it's generally agreed in the fandom to be one of the gayest, if not THE gayest, play A3 has ever written. obviously the vampire thing is very fruity, but there's also how the vampire was longing to bite the human but was holding himself back, and when the vampire left the human in the end, the human was absolutely HEARTBROKEN over it and was swearing they would reunite one day. the stage play of this takes it even further by having the vampire embrace the human from behind and BITE his neck. the fourth play is a watered-down adaptation of Phantom of the Opera where they genderbend Christine into Chris among other things and change the relationship between Chris and the Phantom to one of friendship.... ostensibly so, because there's still a lot of homoerotic undertones in their interactions. i could go on but this should be enough of a sampling taste 

Submission 2:

the writers rlly said "let's take 2 normal guys who are childhood friends and have been into theatre since their school days and have them go through a pre-canon messy divorce, an eccentric poet with a potentially controversial haircut, an amnesiac sleepyhead who can only be awoken with marshmallows but is also somehow extremely athletic despite doing nothing but sleeping and eating marshmallows all day, a man who is so beautiful and mysterious he breaks gender, and a supposed android from a fictional south asian country, and throw them into a blender, oh and for good measure let's throw in some theatre and angst and gay and angst and gay" and the end result was marriage. i mean it took them a lot of awkward fumbling around and conflicts to get there but they got there and thats what matters. ok *technically* in-text they're all rlly good friends and kinda found family BUT they are found family via marriage papers i do not make the rules chief

Submission 3:

The reason why they are so friends-to-lovers to me is because their relationship is founded on quiet and unconditional acceptance of each other—regardless of how flawed they may be or how heavy their burdens and trauma may be. When the troupe first formed (sans Guy who was in another country at the time), they didn’t have any major clashing personalities at the very beginning and generally they were mindful of each other’s boundaries, unlike the other troupes that came before them. However, it’s BECAUSE they were too mindful of said boundaries that it was difficult for them to break down their walls and bond as a team—and there were a LOT of walls to break down, as all of them had varying degrees of emotional baggage and trauma.

In fact, it’s only three plays in that they finally truly start opening up to each other, with Azuma getting the ball rolling by opening up about the deep loneliness that haunted him ever since his childhood. It’s during this conversation that they also discuss what their relationship as a troupe is, because the other troupes have defined their relationship as a team (Spring is family, Summer is best friends, Autumn is rivals & teammates), and Homare goes on to declare that they’re “people bound by a common destiny” and goes on to spew wedding vows: "In sickness and in health, for better or for worse, we shall share our laughter and our tears as those with an intertwined fate... How beautiful we are!" I mean… it can’t get any more obvious than this, really. They are married.

But anyway, Tsumugi says he wants their relationship to be one where while they respect each other’s need for space, they’ll also be there for each other and share their pains and burdens—or in his words: “supporting each other when our burdens become too heavy to bear on our own”—which I think is really sweet because it carries this idea of quiet, unconditional acceptance; they don’t push each other to share more than they’re comfortable with sharing, but with whatever they ARE comfortable with sharing everyone carries the load and pain because pain is easier to bear when you’re not bearing it alone <3 

A later part of the story focuses on Hisoka, a mysterious amnesiac, being terrified of regaining his memories and facing some “sin” from his past that has led to another character, Chikage, trying to take revenge on him. When he confesses this to the rest of the Winter troupe, Homare asks, “How heavy is this sin you bear?” and Azuma suggests, “Perhaps it’s just heavy enough for the five of us to carry together.” (at this point Guy hasn’t joined yet). The stage play adapts this scene into a song called Key to Memory. The key (pun unintended) part is 1:27 where there’s a back-and-forth between Hisoka and the other Winter troupe members (sans Tasuku because he wasn’t in that particular play)

Hisoka: “I’m scared…”

Tsumugi, Homare, Azuma: “It’s okay.”

Hisoka: “My unforgivable sin…”

Tsumugi, Homare, Azuma: “Let’s carry it together.”

Hisoka: “I might not be me anymore.”

Tsumugi, Homare, Azuma: “It’s all right. We understand and we accept you, so let’s go together.”

And it ends with Hisoka singing: “I was afraid to open the door of my locked memories. But if everyone is here, I believe I can do it.”  In both the game and stage play, Hisoka fully regains his memories and reconciles with Chikage (long story). He tells Fuyupoly he can’t go into detail about his past with Chikage because it’s dangerous but he’ll tell them when the time is right, and they accept this saying that no matter what his past is, they know and love him as their Hisoka which obviously is a very sweet thing for friends to say, but it’s also very Marriage-coded to me.

Later, Guy is introduced as an android from Zahra (a fictional South Asian country) and joins the Winter troupe as a temporary member—because he’s stuck in Japan for the foreseeable future—until they find a permanent member to replace him. The other Winter members have a conversation among themselves and agree that regardless of whether he’s really an android or a human they’ll accept Guy for who he is and help him improve his acting, which again harkens back to the idea of ‘unconditional acceptance’. Eventually it’s revealed that Guy is in fact a human who has forgotten his memories of the past and his emotions. He recovers his memories all at once which shocks his system and causes him to pass out. When he wakes up in his room, he finds the rest of the Winter Troupe asleep around the room—which I believe is symbolic of their whole theme of “quiet acceptance”: they don’t want to push Guy to share beyond what he’s comfortable with, but they’re always there to listen to him and share his load if that’s what he wants. He opens up about the memories he recovered, and they don’t treat him with pity like he’s a lost child, but still extend gentle empathy and understanding. They also emphasise that it genuinely doesn’t matter to them whether he’s human or android because he’s Guy first and foremost. It’s at this point that Guy truly lets himself become part of the Winter troupe/Fuyupoly and not just as a temporary stand-in member, because he’s found a place where he’s found himself again and people who will accept who this “himself” is, whether that be an android devoid of emotions or a human brimming with vivid beautiful emotions.[Mod note: There’s a LOT more but we’re afraid of crashing the post. I (Deli) summarised it the best I can since I’m familiar with A3, but if you want to read the full thing you can check it out on this google doc)

Sourin:

okay so i have a picture to crack explain the sourin supremacy

but i also have legitimate reasons lmao

1. sousuke and rin both GET what it's like to want something so bad but not be able to achieve it. they know each other's pain so well, and they know just how much effort the other person puts into swimming. AND THAT MUTUAL UNDERSTANDING STRENGTHENS THEIR BOND SO MUCH!!! this is also the reason why they are each others' comfort person because the other just GETS it, no need for any explanations

2. they're passionate as fuck about the same thing (swimming) and they help each other train harder and swim better,,, like get you a couple with the same obsessions as you!!!

3. THEY SWAM A RELAY TOGETHER and that means a lot in swimming because IT'S BASICALLY SMTH A TEAM DOES WHEN THEY HAVE ABSOLUTE TRUST IN EACH OTHER AND THEY DEPEND ON EACH OTHER AND THEY LOVE EACH OTHER AND IT'S BASICALLY THE SWIMMING ANIME EQUIVALENT OF I LOVE YOU

4. when sousuke told rin about the shoulder injury he was literally so devastated because his love couldn't follow his passions anymore,, AND WHEN SOUSUKE RECOVERED FROM THE SURGERY RIN LEGIT CRIED HAPPY TEARS!!! and sousuke was always there for rin w/e he had a slump bc he compared himself too much to haru and others,,, like gods they care so much for each other

5. sousuke is the earth and rin is the fire,,, AND RIN LIGHTS A FIRE IN SOUSUKE WHILE SOUSUKE GROUNDS RIN LIKE PLEASE THE MOTIFS ARE LITERALLY RIGHT THERE EVEN IN THEIR COLOUR SCHEMES (teal + maroon) 

in short: sourin supremacy because these two bois are so perfect for each other"

[littlesparklight]

When I say that my timeline for my Greek myth ficverse includes a lot of things that will probably never come up, I mean it haha. It's not just a "such and so was born then and got these children then" list but me stitching together various accounts of myths for characters to build up my own version of things.

For example, the line of Tantalos!

Tantalos comes to rule Seha/Sipylos from his maternal grandfather, his daughter being Pluto. His oldest son Broteas dies in 1377 BC from self-immolation after being driven mad by Artemis, as he refused to honour her, though hunter as he is. In 1379 BC Tantalos is also brought up to Olympos for a banquet, which leads to an inflated sense of pride and entitlement, and as part of this, between 1379-1375 BC Tros and Tantalos war on and off over the lands/cities north/south of their own, but they come to a vague agreement after intervention from Hattusa. Still, early in 1374 BC Tros sends a young Ilus to sacrifice on Lesbos, which, being at least nominally under Seha's rule, Tantalos takes as a spy attempt, and a confrontation that resolves in a tense parting takes place. After Tantalos' disastrous banquet (in 1374 BC) and Pelops being taken by Poseidon, another local noble family takes the rulership. When Pelops is brought back in 1365 BC, Ilus supports the new ruler, partially because said ruler's son is to be married to Kleopatra, partly because they always clashed with Tantalos, and partially because he doesn't want a tainted line like Tantalos' back on the throne of a country so close to them. As most of the population is on the new king's side (the noble echelons split rather evenly between them), so he and Ilus wins. Pelops and Niobe are exiled, but Poseidon comes to his lover and tells him that he can gain a kingdom in the Achaean lands, telling him of Hippodamia. Pelops asks for aid for this venture, and Poseidon provides the winged chariot and horses.

This is what I built up from the mentions of conflict with Ilus I've touched on before, taken from Pausanias 2.22.3, Diodorus Siculus 4.74.4, Dictys Cretensis 1.6 ; the sacrifice on Lesbos inspired by the version in the Suda where (a) Tantalos kidnaps Ganymede after suspicion of espionage via a sacrifice.

The Atreidai Atreus - Cleolla (daughter of another son of Pelops) = Pleisthenes Pleisthenes - Aerope = Agamemnon & Menelaos Atreus - Aerope = Anaxibia

For those who've read Pleisthenides - Atreides, you already know I use the Pleisthenes variant for Agamemnon and Menelaos' father. The reason was partially because it was interesting, but it also worked out really well age-wise. Also let me play with giving Menelaos some health issues, inherited from Pleisthenes (whereas Agamemnon escapes that), since a couple sources refer to Pleisthenes in some ways as infirm and dying young. (The only reason Anaxibia is the daughter of Atreus and Aerope instead of of Aerope and Pleisthenes was because I felt like breaking it up, with Anaxibia being the last born(? since even if Agamemnon is implied to marry Pelopia, they don't seem to have gotten any children).

Menelaos' health issues hasn't been brought up much in fic yet, partially because I'm not sure how reasonable the heart issue is, even if I made it minor for him, but also because I've not had much chance yet!

Atreus and Cleolla get married in 1295 BC, five years after Atreus and Thyestes come to Mycenae and they've established himself. He'd had his eyes on her and an agreement with his brother Dias for eventual marriage before the murder of Chrysippus and Dias does not renege on this. Either way their marriage is plagued by fertility problems. Cleolla dies when Pleisthenes is his early teens; Atreus then makes his son marry around 16-17, to Aerope, thanks to him being sickly (he suffers from a rather severe case of bicuspid aortic valve and familial mediterranean fever). Is basically shut up in his room(s) and Atreus takes Agamemnon as his own child when he's born. Agamemnon is 6 when Menelaos is born, weak (he has a mild case of the heart problem and suffers FMF as well), in winter, and Atreus almost exposes him/threatens to do it, but doesn't, especially when Pleisthenes dies during the winter sickness going around. Atreus then marries Aerope. The contention for Mycenae's/the whole area's throne starts ~two(?) years later, Anaxibia a couple months old. Aerope gives the lamb to Thyestes not because she is sleeping with him or has been seduced, but because she hates Atreus - he simply thinks she's been cheating on him when he finds out what she did, because that's what makes most sense to him. Pelopia and Pleisthenes are basically the same generation, the sons Atreus kills and serves Thyestes are much, much younger and the same gen as Menelaos and Agamemnon (but his children all have the same nymph mother. Said nymph leaves Aegisthus during the lamb business, believing herself cheated on; she takes only Pelopia with her, leaving him their sons, and goes back to Sikyon where she has her origin. Thyestes, after the murder of his sons, goes to seek an oracle about vengeance, gets told he should father a son with his own daughter; he goes to Sikyon where she is, and rapes her, she is 19; Atreus, wishing to get rid of Thyestes properly and having found out he went in the direction of Sikyon, comes there to ask if the king has seen his brother. He sees Pelopia, and assuming she's the king's daughter and now without a wife, asks for her. They marry, and later, then, Atreus makes a new attempt at properly getting rid of Thyestes, sending off his sons (17 and 22) to capture him. They all meet at Delphi on chance and the boys take Thyestes captive and bring him back, which leads to Aegisthus finding things out when he is sent by Atreus to kill Thyestes; Pelopia kills herself in the reveal, but Aegisthus still hews to his father and his desires (Fabula 88, 87). Aegisthus is thus ~3 years younger than Menelaos, he murders Atreus (in his sleep/from the back during a sacrifice) when he's 14, Menelaos is 17 and Agamemnon is 22 (1244 BC). They get exiled, Thyestes keeps Anaxibia in Mycenae (both because she's "not a threat" and as a way for the boys to behave). They stay first in Sikyon and then in Calydon and lastly in Sparta (they come here in 1241 BC) for a couple years, Tyndaeros helping them take Mycenae connected to marrying Klytaimnestra to Agamemnon (when she's 15), which is why Menelaos isn't initially in Sparta, helping to order things back in Mycenae.

[watmalik]

Oversharing on the internet

Thank you @ambiguouspenny​ for the tag!! <3

1. Are you named after anyone?

Ohhh yes. My first name is literally the female version of my dad and brother’s name… Patricio/Patrick. My middle name is after my Abuela (dad’s side) bc she died a couple of months before I was born.

2. When was the last time you cried?

HA! I’m actually proud of this one *clears throat* ever since the 911 Lone Star finale...for now.

3. Do you have kids?

I’m 22 almost 23, so my only child has four legs and lives in my apt rent free. I’m also undecided about having them in general (bio or adopted)? I have a autoimmune disease that makes it harder for me to have them and I also had surgery when I was 14… lets say I have 1/3 of my left ovary chopped off bc of a random health issue I had as a kid and now I have a faint smiley face on my bikini line :) talk about oversharing.

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

*Takes sunglasses off* Babes, I invented sarcasm. It’s the fourth language I’m fluent in… its a culture thing.

5. What sports have you played/do you play?

Fútbol and futsal. Loved them. Stopped when I got into college but I still participated in intramural games in my sorority/club. I also played basketball in middle school for a bit, but ultimately gave it up bc there wasn't really a girl’s team in my school.

6. What's the first thing you notice about people?

Their personality so I don't make them angry on purpose. I’m a notorious people pleaser, and I hate confrontation when it comes to myself, so I need you to like me…. LIKE ME 

7. What's your eye colour?

I have dark, brown cow eyes

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

Scary movies bc I cry when movies have happy endings and I don't like tearing up at the movies. Emotions? me? pfttt

9. Any special talents?

I can meow like an actual cat, and put my feet at the back of my head, you know the usual.

10. Where were you born?

El Caribe 😎

11. What are your hobbies?

Singing, drawing, playing the ukulele

12: Do you have any pets?

My 3 year old cat, harry :)

13. How tall are you?

I’m Jennifer Love Hewitt, inches tall.

14. Favourite subject in school?

P.E and Maths. Mind you, I hate Maths with a great passion, but I was in group B (When you reached the 6th grade, they will separate the two form groups of your year group, in my school there was two class groups per year, and they will separate students in A and B group depending on how well you were doing in that specific subject). B group was always the funniest class to be in. I was usually an A group type of student but I always made sure I was in B group for at least a few of my classes and in Maths? It was inevitable. 

Anyways, I sat in the middle of the most chaotic pair of people, this dude (a twin) who had a crush on me at the time and this volleyball player who I once had a fall out with. For context, back home I went to a small British school, pre-k––12th grade, and from the 6th grade until I left on 10th grade, I always sat with them bc I will always LAUGH MY ASS OFF every damn class period. Our teacher was this 24 year old guy from Scotland and he was fine with us being together because we got good grades and did the work. I like looking back at this because, we weren't friends, we didn't hang out or talked after class much, but we always sat together because it brought us joy. 

Oddly enough I will always miss the poorly drawn dicks at the last page of my maths notebook, the stupid jokes, and the dumb noises they will make on purpose 😂

15. Dream job

 To be an immigration lawyer and help other minorities. I just graduated from college, so I’m taking a much needed year off and then law school here I come!

And my “You probs already did this, and def don't do it again if you have, but I’m still tagging you because its 2am” tag goes to: @noxsoulmate​ @itsneonbright​ @tailoredshirt​ @anchor-bird-94​ @taralaurel​ @tylerkennedys​ @catanisspicy​ and anyone else who wants to do this :)

[iamanartichoke]

Another totally unprompted ask, on the assumption that you are definitely no longer in need of them… another thing I’m trying to work out about Loki characterisation in preparation for perpetrating fic torture on him is how suicidal the poor sod is most of the time. This is another thing I’ve seen referred to a lot but only in passing. Though obviously this is a pretty triggery topic, so ignore if you want.

I am always in need of totally unprompted asks, otherwise I just assume no one wants to talk to me lmao

So, hoo boy. I have been mulling over this for, apparently, three days now bc there's just ... there's a lot to unpack here. Putting under a cut for obviously triggery content and also for length bc fml.

In my opinion, the response to "how suicidal is Loki most of the time" is "very, but whether or not he wants to do anything about it varies from moment to moment" (see what I did there? I'll see myself out). In other words, I have always had a headcanon that Loki is consistently, passively suicidal. This is a headcanon that comes straight from TDW, bc I'm certain that Loki never had any intention of surviving their mission. And that could be a whole other post, really, but the point is that even though this is a TDW-centric headcanon, I have come to adopt it as applying to Loki in general as well, not just in those specific circumstances.

When I say passively suicidal, I mean that Loki is just sort of ambivalent about the value of his own life. He feels like he doesn't deserve to be alive, and feels like there's little point in being alive. Which - I don't mean to sound all gloom and doom, like, poor uwu emo Loki (and I kinda hate that I have to pause to disclaim that, no, I don't just have a fixation on Loki being depressed for funsies/the aesthetic/whatever); I think that this mindset stems from really complicated places that I'm not sure I can articulate, but I will try.

I view Loki as someone who suffers from a severe inferiority complex, and I feel like it stems from being abandoned as an infant. Loki's life started with a traumatic event and, even if he doesn't remember the event itself, the feelings he experienced stayed in his subconscious. Feelings of loss, of fear, of despair and abandonment, of suffering - these are all feelings that burrowed into his bones and lived there for his entire life, feelings that colored how Loki viewed himself as a person as well as how he compared to the people around him.

Keep in mind that Loki didn't know he was abandoned until the events of Thor 1, obviously. We don't really know how old Loki is, in human years, but I have always assumed that he and Thor were at least adults (not teenagers), maybe the equivalent of early twenties - and the reason I bring that up is because it means Loki made it all the way to adulthood carrying the weight of a trauma that he did not remember or even knew had happened, so to him, there was no real reason for how wrong he felt. There was no explanation for the feelings of loss, of neglect, of fear. So on top of struggling with those feelings, Loki was also burdened with the alienation that comes with wondering why one can't just be like everyone else, why one can't just "snap out" of depression, why one's sense of self-worth has always been lacking.

So imagine what it's like to grow up as Loki. He was traumatized as an infant. The trauma has been with him his entire life, along with the confusion/alienation of not understanding why he feels the way that he does, and then on top of that, his basic personality lends itself toward introspection and isolation, so he likely felt even further removed from Thor and from his peers. Loki's too smart for his own good, and he's got an enormous capacity to feel and I feel like this is a combination that works against him as much as it does for him, bc it probably means he spent a lot of time examining himself and identifying all of his perceived flaws - and then berating himself for said flaws.

People with depression are probably pretty familiar with the bully that lives in your head, the one who is always there to remind you that you're stupid, or ugly, or that nobody likes you, or that you have nothing of value to contribute to anyone, etc. Loki's no different; he's got that bully in his head, too. Add onto this the fact that his brother is literally perfect, that he feels his father doesn't love him (or love him as much), that his interests in things like magic are looked down on in his culture, and that he's a prince (meaning that along with the privilege comes pressure, and being in the public eye, knowing that everyone around him is comparing him to Thor as much as he compares himself to Thor, well.) and you have a total clusterfuck of a mindset, and Loki's been existing inside of that clusterfuck for nearly all of his life.

I always go back to the quote where, when filming I think the vault scene, Kenneth Branagh directs Tom by saying, "This is the moment where the thin steel rod holding your brain together snaps." And it's such a significant moment for Loki bc this is where it all crumbles for him, learning the truth, but I also fixate on the "thin steel rod" part of the quote bc that's not how one would describe a healthy, stable person's mind. The implication, to me, has always been that Loki wasn't that stable to start with due to his general upbringing, his internal struggles, and his personality, so of course the devastation of learning he's adopted, and Jotun, would send him over the edge. One doesn't go from zero to 60; one doesn't fall over the edge unless they were balancing fairly close to it in the first place. And to me, the "thin steel rod" basically equals the aforementioned clusterfuck of a mindset.

THE POINT IS. (Holy shit, I ramble.) This is the foundation on which I'm basing my headcanon that Loki neither values his life nor feels as if he even deserves to live it - bc his default mindset is one of inferiority, of loss, of pain. And I think that going from being a general unstable person pre-canon to being passively suicidal post-canon is a thing that happened because, somewhere between the vault in Thor 1 and the dungeons in TDW, Loki just stopped caring.

Life is exhausting for everyone, but even moreso when your mental load becomes more than you can carry. Loki is exhausted. His experience is that things just keep getting worse and worse for him - he's never been valued, he's always been found wanting. He discovers that he was literally thrown away as an infant, unwanted and left to die, and things haven't gotten much better for him since then. Everything that can go wrong, does go wrong. His plans spin out of control. He's unable to prove his worth and his value and when he is, in fact, rejected, he literally tries to kill himself (only to survive and end up in an even worse situation).

It all just continually goes downhill, and Loki is fucking exhausted. He's done. He has no hope that anything is ever going to change - he will never be valued or even seen, he's unable to connect to anyone, he has no family (aside from Thor, but their relationship is so fraught with pain). As far as he's concerned, his life has been nothing but a waste since he was born and if no one else values it, why should he?

So - passively suicidal. He places no value on his life, and doesn't shy away from situations that could cost him his life. It's possible that the only reason he's not actively suicidal is bc his previous attempt not only failed but led to such a horrible situation that he's probably too afraid to intentionally seek out death again. He doesn't want to fail and end up worse off for it.

And - not that you asked this in particular, but - my biggest disappointment in the series is that none of what I've just written is addressed in a satisfying way (to me). That is, we don't get any real explicit acknowledgement of the trauma of Loki's abandonment as a baby or how that affected his mental health growing up; we don't get to explore how devastated he was to learn of his adoption; we don't ever see him reconcile his ingrained belief that jotuns are monstrous savages with the fact that he is jotun. He says "I betrayed everyone I loved, but I'm different now" and we're supposed to infer what he means without Loki actually articulating why he feels that he's the only one who should be held responsible for all these things that had happened or what "I've changed" even means to him (aside from not betraying Sylvie).

I would have liked to see these things addressed for a lot of reasons, but one of those reasons is that I would want to see how Loki comes to terms with all of his issues and his pain enough that he stops being passively suicidal. We never get to see that; after TDW, the time that passes allows for Loki to kinda chill, resulting in the Ragnarok version, but if there was any real healing or recovering going on, it was happening off-screen, with the audience expected to just go with "yeah Loki was going through it for awhile but he's kinda better now."

Furthermore, much of what I've written here is based on prime Loki's development through TDW, but doesn't account for series Loki's split from that timeline nor the theme of "Lokis survive" that's so prevalent in the series. So I don't think the "passively suicidal" headcanon is really appropriate for series Loki but, at the same time, I'd like to have seen why. I'd like to have seen Loki learning to value his life, or where the "we survive" mindset comes from, since that's not really been a thing before now. (Out of universe, I suspect it comes from the context of Loki just not dying whenever he tries to, but since TDW and IW haven't happened, and Loki didn't intend to survive his fall from the bifrost, framing Loki as an innate survivor doesn't really make sense, but to be fair, I'm just being picky.)

So, yeah. I'm not saying Loki doesn't experience growth or development in the series, I'm just saying that his arc left much unsaid and, furthermore, framing his growth as "wanting a throne to not wanting a throne" without addressing that Loki doesn't actually want the power of the throne, he wants the value and self-worth he associates with the throne, is - well, again, unsatisfying. Not bad, but it leaves viewers like me wanting bc we're cognizant of how much more could have been done.

I ... am going to end this now. This is probably nonsensical and all over the place, so I'm very sorry, and I'm sure this is why I don't get meta-starter asks lmfao bc no one's out here trying to read my dissertation submission for a Ph.D in Loki, but well, sometimes it just be like that.

Thank you for the ask and the opportunity to ramble.

[princeanxious]

An idea I’m drawing stuff for:

Okay so g/t sanders sides au idea but where the tiny people are actually mini android/cyborgs made to accompany people /if they want to/ as companions to humans that can connect to technology and the internet. (Medium-big sized ramble under-cut)

They arent nessesarily helpers, but they can help humans w/ technology issues if they want(and there are lots of human laws in place that prohibit forced labor and captivity from this new sentient race, but as you might guess, just bc there are laws doesnt mean everyone follows them or gets caught breaking them) the rest of the world is kinda up for development but i can tell you these tiny android people sometimes come with additional features such as tails w/ audio jacks/place where the tail would go to insert an audiojack, eyes and fingers that glow, ear type varients depending on what time they were born/created, have as many bendable joints as a human, but their legs and feet are naturally a bit thicker/wider both for balance and more room for technology in their tiny bodies.

Theyre a very intermingled mix of liveform and android(and are probably best explained as just. Straight up aliens to planet earth), to the point that theres no actual way to seperate tech from bio-matter. And theyre so tiny that trying to seperate the two on such a small scale is still scientifically impossible at this current time. Damage and wear/tear to their body can heal quickly with enough energy, rest, and time, but losing body parts can be nearly detrimental to their health if said parts cant be reattached quickly. They are not strong enough to regenerate a full limb.

It’s not an immediate death if they lose a limb, but its very much an emergency due to how spread out their bodily function sensors are in their tiny bodies. Losing a certain leg can mean losing complete mobility of both legs and balance, or losing certain patches of memory, losing a certain arm can mean losing the ability to balnce well, or go nearly sensory blind(meaning they can see things, but no longer feel them that well.) the tail is the only bodypart that is not immediately detrimental to their health, just their lifestyle. Their tail is their only way to directly connect to the online world without assistance. Without it, they rely on adapter prostetics that wear out over time and need to be replaced on occassion.

That being said, in this au, Roman, Remus, and Janus are tinies in this world. Roman and Remus are twins, and both suffered an injustice of experimentation that involved one of their legs each being removed, and being reattached(successfully) to the other’s body, as a test to see how similar twin tiny’s bodies are and if the similarities assist any in surrogate limbs attaching successfully. Theyre rescued and rehabilitated amd rehomed together before anything more was done to them, but they live life knowing they have eachothers leg and function as if said legs are really their own, and it connects them in a very odd way that they cant really explain.(it comes w/ a bonus of being able to send messages to one another, but a con of being able to see a portion of the other’s memories, be it mental, or physical muscle memory)

They live with a group of humans, Logan, Patton, and Virgil, who are aware of their situation and have welcomed them into their home to live normal tiny lives. Patton and Virgil are brothers, and Logan is their childhood bestfriend. Remus tends to travel w/ Logan the most bc Logan isnt bothered by Remus’s constant hyperfixations on dark and grusome things.(they hold alot of convos abt dark literature and anatomy, and astronomy. Remus finds Logan’s voice soothing on his semi-irratic stream of thoughts, and talking abt astonomy helps sooth Remus to sleep the fastest.) Roman clings to Virgil mostly but passes inbetween Virgil and Patton pretty frequently depending on whose at work. (Virgil and Roman bicker about everything under the sun, but it’s still healthy for them. Virgil keeps Roman’s ego in check and Roman helps Virgil gain more confidence in things, especially things in public.)

Janus is.. well, he was born.. defective, in a way. No ones really sure exactly what happened, if there were dificulties in his development, or if his existance was fused semi-incorrectly with another while in the preverbial womb, but he is born with his body being partially down the middle on one side with another set of tiny genetics, leaving 1/4th of his body from one side of the head to just below the same side’s ribs to be a different skin & metal plating color. One eye glows gold, the other a bright milky white, the same going for either hand w/ his finger-tips on the same sides. Pure snow white skin, plating, and hair is unnatural, and its theorized to be a permanent glitch in his physical coding seeing as the ‘other tiny’ that had yet to combine correctly would not have developed any physical traits until birth to mimick a combination of it’s parents, it’s physical attribute coding would remain dormant and thus not addapt with the rest of the body.

This leaves Janus visually different, and physically different. He has his own two legs and tail so that part of his body functions normally, but the arm that is inter-functionally dormant leaves him with terrible balance issues(thus leaving him to require a cane) and his on the same side that is similarly dormant leaves him functionally blind in said eye and deaf on said side.

He’s developed an extremely defensive personality because he refuses to be pitied for something he was never in control of. He’s plenty independent without help and beyond grouchy. Has been known to bite humans who try to help him but wont listen to him, hard. He’s never been allowed to live a normal tiny’s life because the parents he was born to gave him to humans to ensure he lived, then got retroactively babied since. His foul temper has lead to a difficulty in the homing process, and the humans are almost about to give up on him when Virgil walks in one day, curious about homing a third tiny to help stabalize the twins antics and frustrations born from there only being the two of them.

Janus is just as foul at first as he is to everyone who approaches him, because he fully expects pity. Instead of Virgil moving on in rejection/dismissal of the rude behavior, Virgil just chuckles in amusement. “Oh boy, you’re fiesty huh?” “Have to be, lest people think they can do and think whatever they want about me. Better to give them my worst so they don’t get any god-complex over my disability, right?” And Virgil relates, and isnt hesitant abt mentioning his own struggles w/ how rudely people treat him w/ his general anxiety disorder and chronic depression.

Virgil manages to convince Janus take a chance and come home w/ him. And then Janus meets Patton, and things go so much better than anyone expected them to go. I mean, they get worse before they get better, but the getting better is so much further than any resulted backtracking. Janus likes Patton, and is uber protective of him. No one knew Patton to bicker much, but oh boy, does he bicker with Janus, often abt taking care of one another. Its all out of love and care, and its honestly jarringly sweet. (Patton gets Janus hooked on chocolate chips, and may or may not bribe him with a bottle-lip full from time to time if it means making Janus relax.)

[aerltarg]

I've been talking with one of my friends about mental health, media that single out this type of issue, and characters who probably struggle with it, and we came to the conclusion that a lot of characters of ASOIAF probably fight their own battles in this type of matter. Robert, for one, as much as I dislike him (maybe a bit too much, cause I'm biased with thr targs), seems to suffer from PTSD, as a consequence, depression. Cersei, as a victim of abuse, seems to blow off this negative emotions and experiences to others, as a form of 'giving back to the world all the horrible things that she had to endure' (add a little prophecy paranoia to the mix, and you have a train wreck called book! Cersei emotions); and, finally, Rhaegar: anytime that he's mentioned, aside from his looks, his somber, melancholic, personality is always a big thing. I came to the (maybe shallow, idk) conclusion that Rhaegar melancholy came from this overwhelming guilt that he felt of Summerhall, that maybe this phantom that he carried could be explained as depression (again, as shallow as a conclusion can be). What's your thoughts about it?

oh, that's a very interesting concept and i rlly like it's present in the books!

i'm not that sure about robert but imo it's undeniable that self-destruction is a big point about his character and it's indeed possible his attitudes could have smth to do w his past (negative) experience.

cersei is a far more clear example of grrm exploring this theme and i just love her as well as other pov characters who are shown to bear logical and well-written consequences of their past that affect their character and character arc permanently. it makes them very real yk. speaking of cersei, i especially appreciate her anti-parallel w dany where they both suffered abuse, but while cersei makes other suffer in turn dany helps other who go through this too. all ppl are different individuals and deal w this stuff in their own unique way, and you can see this in all grrm's characters.

rhaegar's exact emotions and thoughts are unknown (probably forever) to us, but one big YES, there is an implied depression that has very much to do w summerhall. details can be different: was he feeling guilty for very young age when aerys only started mistreating rhaella (and such things do affect any children in the family) and his siblings kept dying? smth along the lines "it wouldn't have happened if others didnt die at summerhall" and imo you rlly can expect from kids to jump to the conclusion like "if i wasn't born, summerhall wouldn't burn"/"it would be better if i died and they lived".

(keep in mind that the ones who died were mostly seniors of aerys who probably could influence him in some way and intervene in the situation w rhaella; that's also the reason why i think shaera died before (like jaehaerys ii) or very shortly after aerys becoming king since i dont believe that she, who married for love, had parents marry for love and siblings following their hearts, would close her eyes at her own children's marriage turning into an abusive one)

though i'm more inclined to think rhaegar grew so burdened when he found out about the prophecy and probably the fact that his parents were married in the first place bc of it. he was an only child for 17 years while other babes kept dying so there's no wonder why he could think tptwp could be him + w maester aemon's approving of this theory.

(i also love to think exchanging letters w his great-granduncle was somehow dear to rhaegar too. it could feel rlly good to have another male relative who was so different from aerys. not to mention that maester aemon had very much in common w rhaegar himself and was a brother of aegon v and knew everyone who died at summerhall as well as he knew rhaegar's grandparents who died a few years later. it could make rhaegar feel closer to the ones who perished before he could the chance to know them since i believe his affection for summerhall is rooted not in the grief for ppl he never met (though he could be very much affected by the grief of his parents who very likely mourned their relatives) but in the longing for what could have been kind of melancholic wondering. aerys blaming rhaella for deaths of babes? what if grandmother shaera was there? babes dying one after another? what if his aunts and uncles were still alive? would aerys still keep insisting on having more heirs then? aerys having a bunch of mistresses? what if great-grandfather aegon v was still alive? aerys lusting after rhaella's handmaids and rhaella confronting him about this? aerys confining rhaella to the maegor's holdfast and making two septas guarding her "fidelity" days and nights? what if great-grandmother betha was still there? aerys fucking off to westerlands and taking rhaegar w himself while rhaella struggled w stillbirth? aerys leaving rhaella behind in kl and fucking off to tourneys at other places? what if whay if what if)

and we know rhaegar was very dutiful about this but never happy.

tldr; we don't know details about rhaegar's clear perspective there but we do know summerhall affected him greatly and depression was heavily implied. i appreciate very much that grrm makes most main, minor and pre-series characters so real by exploring this very rich field of mental health and the consequences of some aspects of their lives and stories. the fact that past experience affects them non-stop, without author forgetting about it for some reason, makes the good writing. main povs, imo, are among the best examples of it and i especially love that character arcs of dany, arya, jon, bran and tyrion contribute to this narrative greatly. big separate thanks for grrm to dig the grave for a "perfect victim" trope by giving us a great amount of characters who deal w their issues in different ways and don't play saint martyrs suffering in highly spiritual silence. they can be angry, destructive, constructive, running away from it and embracing it. and none are heavily portrayed as "less a victim" for this.

[lilpuffyart]

TW// ableism

.

.

Time to ramble about the Fitzsimmons family because I'm still without internet and I'm thinking a lot about them, but I don't have the original book, just a fan Portuguese translation, so I could be wrong in some parts (also thinking about anthro/apocalypse au so Stephan is on it as well):

• Alberto Fitzsimmons was Audrey's father, like I mentioned in other posts (since he mentioned Audrey would stay "burning" in the sun when she was young)

• Jeffrey/Jeff was son of another successful teacher (since it was mentioned that "he was going to follow his father's steps" in the book) and his father was a good friend with Alberto

• Millie's mean uncle, Rob, is Jeff's twin brother and he's more successful in a way than Jeff

• They adopted Stephan after Audrey's mom couldn't have kids anymore and they wanted a "boy"

• Stephan was adopted by other parents before but it never worked out, because of his "hard-to-work-with" personality and having gigantism, so he would go back to the orphanage

• By "hard-to-work-with", Alberto soon discovered it was because of undiagnosed autism and people not knowing how to treat him right and thinking sensory overload was him being "annoying" and a "bother"

• Stephan was sometimes aggressive as well and he had a hard time connecting and interacting with others

• But Stephan was really the baby of the family (since he was 2 years younger than Audrey), and turned out to be a great cooker and wanting to be a "stay at home G.I. Joe", so he would cook a lot for Audrey and take care of Millie after they grew up

• Anyway, Stephan was part of the basketball team and Audrey was part of the music team in school

• Stephan was more respected in a way since he was nearly the leader and was one of the best players. Audrey was extremely talented back then (she played mostly violin and piano) and she still plays after getting older (Millie really liked the sound of it!!)

• One of their family photos (that they took before grandma died), Stephan has a swollen eye and a broken nose, that they kinda went with it bc he was constantly fighting with others

• That one time specifically, someone was picking on Jeffrey and Stephan probably broke someone's arm

• Audrey and Stephan didn't get along at first because she didn't like how aggressive he could become with people he disliked (in contrast to him becoming a sad bear if someone he liked got slightly upset with him) and how he would react to sound

• She just somehow tried to speak to him after he started to get bullied in school for being like 15 years old and not having a s/o/having a hard time to connect to others and developing depression after Bonbon left school

• Also grandma died around this time, so it was really a punch in his stomach since he got along with her :C

• Also the whole thing of people back then not taking depression and other mental health issues seriously

• But after that, they became really close and would share and be open to each other a lot

• Because of him having a hard time setting down in a family, he had a huge problem with Meg being a terrible mom to Alec and Hazel, but he kinda learned to avoid getting in physical fights and to control his anger

• But he really wish he could

• Since he was probably the only close person Audrey and Jeffrey had that was trans, I feel like they asked him for help after Millie came out as trans to them

• Also he was the first person that learned she was trans for the same reason and because Stephan was the one that took care of her, alongside grandpa, through the day (but mostly Stephan lol) while her parents were at work

• AND!!! He reacted the same way when Millie and Noah (Lucas' son) were born: he cried a lot

• And changing some things, but he re-met Bonbon in the hospital Millie was born

[nagitolovebug]

I saw your posts and I looove them. They also made me hungry for some KamuKoma food. Can you provide some info in their days in the Despair era.(i.e. how they fell for eachother, fluff, angst, Bebi Kamukura, etc.) Keep up the good work and have a lovely day!

i postponed answering this for so long because...it's a really big ask and i have. literal pages for bebi and kamukoma's time in despair but i wanted to answer this both thoroughly and succinctly so...hopefully this does that ^_^ i loove kamukoma and am so happy you're liking my mini dumps about them and bebi so far !! always feel free to ask more if you want my askbox is always open!

for how they fell for each other. i think originally,,,nagito was given to izuru as a ""gift"" from junko. it was supposed to be entertaining for her,,, Servant had been annoying her, izuru had been annoying her; she wanted izuru to feel despair after Servant irritated the fuck out of him and wanted to watch him kill servant. but that doesn't happen.

junko inviting kamukura over and shoving nagito at his feet. she's patiently waiting for izuru to sneer at him and kill him, brutally. nagito just slowly stands and won't look him in the eyes, hands him a fairly new collar and chain, turns around and brushes the hair off his neck. he's shaking a little. izuru knows what junko wants from him, knows that she's waiting for him to take that slender neck in between his fingers and squeeze, or snap, to bruise, to betray, to bloody. and he remembers grey-green eyes looking at him without fear, the only one to never once hold fear, and pulling the trigger without hesitation. he knows the shaking isn't in fear, but anticipation. whether he's killed or accepted, nagito will win. i think izuru knows placing the collar gently around nagito's neck and snapping it closed will piss junko off, so he does. silently wraps a hand around the chain and walks away. nagito's breathing is labored behind him, but he's still holding his tongue of all the irreverent babble that's bubbling inside him. when they're outside izuru lets go of the chain and begins to leave him, disinterested. but nagito won't let the opportunity pass. he steps forward to do something, but in doing so trips and somehow sets off a reaction that leads to the exit izuru was heading toward collapsing. izuru turns around and stares, and nagito melts under his gaze, but doesn't look away. doesn't breathe. "i'm yours now. you have to do something with me." "i already told you once. if the only quality that sets you apart from the others is your good luck, i have it. i have no use of you." and nagito leans in close to his face. "who said i have good luck?" he places the chain in izuru's hand and yanks him forward, and rubble falls where izuru had been standing. he waits patiently for izuru to give him an order. izuru simply lets go of the chain and keeps walking. but he doesn't stop nagito from following.

nagitos been fucking infatuated with him since izuru shot him so. he's always touching izuru and talking to him and generally speaks to him as if he's Not the most powerful person alive and never shows any fear which is so strange for izuru. and even with junko he'd babble incoherent rants either cursing her or worshipping her but it was always Othering her and even tho he. worships izuru. he still treats him like a Person. its refreshing and it's odd and izuru. isn't bored. nagito's luck, at least, is unpredictable.

I like the idea of servant n izuru learning from each other and starting to unravel the issues they got by caring for each other,,,nagito letting himself be loved and loving in return bc izurus too powerful to be hurt by someone as lowly as him and izuru developing emotions and feeling comfortable in fostering them with nagito..it's all very new and i think that's very exciting!

as for fluff, angst, and bebi....there's so much. the pregnancy and birth in itself were both..very tender and very overwhelming. induced an abundance of love and despair!

bebi was born a year before the future foundation came to capture izuru and nagito which...the way bebi was separated from their family warrants its own post as it was. a lot. but bebi spent a year with their family before being taken into custody and temporarily being raised by makoto (just about 3 months..then hajime woke up)

they went through a lot that year, nagito having fits of despair (nagito trying to leave...), wild animal attacks...even the aftermath wasn't pretty with hajime dealing with a child and trying to wake everyone up, nagito dealing with seeing his child again, bebi losing their vision...

there are lots of little moments in their perfect little year, but it all ends when everyone is taken. it was bebi's birthday when they were ripped from their father's arms, and ever since there's a certain anxiety associated with their birthday. there's a bit of confusion when naegi carries a baby aboard the ship..

byakuya scowls at him.

"if you found a baby in the street, let my people take them, we can't bring a baby onto a boat with a bunch of genocidal maniacs for months on end."

naegi can't even meet his eyes.

"....it's their kid."

"whose kid??"

"komaeda..and kamukura."

"what????? how is that even possible??? komaeda's health is abysmal, he shouldn't be able to carry to term and still be alive. and I thought kamukura..I didnt think he was capable of. feeling."

"he's izuru kamukura. he made sure both the baby and komaeda survived. he insisted they were put in the same room. I'm not going to give this baby away to your men while they're recovering. it's not fair to the baby. we have to watch them until the remnants wake up."

"doesn't this child deserve better? even if this ends up working, there's been irreparable damage to each of their psyches, and there's no telling how they'd react to a child if they lose their memories of despair."

naegi hugs bebi a little closer.

"you..you don't understand. I saw them. with the baby. its their birthday today..we watched them leave a house...and take the baby to the beach. to spend time together. komaeda seemed nearly out of despair with the baby. he seemed normal. they looked like a regular family. and...when we..separated them. nobody could fake that reaction. he loves his baby. and so does izuru. we'd all be dead right now if we didn't have custody of the baby. the only thing that stopped him from killing us all for putting our hands on komaeda was his worry for the safety of his child. they may not be good people yet, but they're good parents. and I think they deserve a chance with their baby. and bebi deserves a chance with them."

[lizacstuff]

Anon asks: SCK Fragman 38 speculation

(Asks under the cut)

Anonymous said: Do you think they're getting married this next episode? idk if the tattoos were confirmation

I think it’s possible? But I also think it’s entirely possible that they get the tattoos as a symbol of their love and a promise of sorts that they are through messing around, but they’re not actually married yet.  Frankly, they already gave us all the wedding hoopla with these two, I’m absolutely fine with an elopement or quick courthouse style wedding, or just a couple of witnesses in a garden. Whatever they want! Let’s just get her done.

Also... I know I said it before, but I’m just in love with the idea of these tattoos. Such a great solution to their ring issue. 

Anonymous said: Thoughts on all these twitter theories from the “sick” line in the fragman?

- it’s about piril and engins kid bc basak and anil filmed in the hospital, and piril was hit by a car in 36 and in 37 she had that moment where she clutched her abdomen and had to sit down

- it’s a flashback serkan has to when his brother alp was sick

- serkan is sick and it’s a way to reveal Kemal as his bio dad (blood or organ donation)

- serkan is sick and it’s a way to reveal eda is pregnant when they draw blood from her to donate

That fragman could be hinting at so many things, and it very well could have been misleading. So lets take each theory in turn. 

“it’s about piril and engins kid bc basak and anil filmed in the hospital, and piril was hit by a car in 36 and in 37 she had that moment where she clutched her abdomen and had to sit down”

Very possible. Engin thinking something had happened to Piril two eps ago did feel like foreshadowing, almost preparing the audience for something. It would be so heartbreaking if she loses the baby, and seems too dark for this show, but it is something that happens to millions of women, so we’ll see.

Also can you imagine after the way Piril stuck by Selin, if Piril lost her baby, and she then witnesses Selin using her baby as a pawn to get revenge on Serkan and Eda?  I’d like to see Piril and Engin’s reaction to that. Though again I think that’s pretty dark, especially for the side couple. 

- it’s a flashback serkan has to when his brother alp was sick

I think this is a very good guess. Serkan probably will see a doctor after he passed out, and if it is another panic attack brought on by the stress of losing Eda, I could see a doctor telling him if he wants to move past the panic attacks, he needs to get at the root of his abandonment issues, which all lead back to his brother’s death. That could be why he’s getting out a box of his things and reading that letter.  So I could very well see a flashback happening to Alp’s diagnosis.

- serkan is sick and it’s a way to reveal Kemal as his bio dad (blood or organ donation)

I’m honestly fully onboard with Kemal as Serkan’s bio dad.  I hear a lot of people poopooing the idea because of opportunity, but I think they told us when it could have happened. In their first meeting, (unless my subs were bad) Aydan mentioned that Kemal had returned once to apologize for standing her up when they were young and going to run away together. I assume that was the window. Kemal showed up years later (after Alp was born) to apologize.. they had a fling and there’s the opportunity for Serkan to be his son. 

Though, to me, if they’re doing something with Serkan’s health it’s got to be related to the plane crash. The chest clutching since he’s been back is concerning, plus wasn’t his hand shaking at one point? So I don’t see him having some serious underlying issue that’s unrelated. This guy does not shy away from going to the doctor and was just in the hospital for probably over a month recovering, so you’d think if there was anything wrong before, we’d know it.  Unless the plane crash acerbated something that’s genetic? And/or requires a match like bone marrow or kidney. I suppose they could give Serkan some rare blood type and that would be something applicable to most any ailment. We shall see. 

- serkan is sick and it’s a way to reveal eda is pregnant when they draw blood from her to donate

This one I think is the least likely. It’s been very fuzzy how much time has passed, but at the minimum 3 months since they were supposed to get married and were having sex, so if Eda were pregnant I think she would have noticed the signs by now.  

Anonymous said: Liza, I know they won’t kill Serkan, but could you reassure me that they won’t? I’ve followed you since Once and you were always good at reassuring.

Ha! I remember making lists of all the reasons they would never kill Hook. 

THEY WON’T KILL SERKAN.

And I’m even more certain of this than I ever was of them not killing Hook, and I was damn certain then. 

There is literally not ONE reason for this show to exist without Eda and Serkan. Not one. This is their love story, and really, storyline wise, the show should have ended awhile ago, and the only reason they keep it going is to keep Hande and Kerem on screen together, making their magic. Seriously, that’s the only reason.

You see how Serkan dying would be counter to that, right?  And if the show were about to end, trust me, there is nothing in it for anyone to have a tragic ending. This started as a romantic comedy, and will end as one, with a happily ever after. And if you’re still nervous, trust this, the production company is still hopeful to sell it into even more foreign markets, especially English language ones, a surprise tragic, twist ending that gets vilified on social media (and trust me this fandom is huge, vocal and capable) would really hurt those chances. 

So even if we’re headed into a bad diagnosis for Serkan, he will be fine in the end, it will just be something for him and Eda to fight through. I promise. 

Anonymous said: thoughts on that wonderfully beautiful fragman? i was watching with hearts in my eyes and then read the translations.. poor serkan!! if it really isn't misleading i definitely think it's some consequence of the plane crash. but, we are secure in what kind of show this is and the full knowledge that it's not a drama and no one is gonna actually die, i'm excited for the potential this storyline is gonna give us!! (esp with the return of the old writers)

I can’t wait to see that rain scene, and the after-the-rain scene and their motorcycle ride. The fragman was very beautiful, but it also felt very poignant and a little melancholy.

It’s interesting with the announcement that the second writing team was back, there were tidbits from several legit entertainment-type reporters yesterday that the show was going back to it’s roots being funny and entertaining.  So a terrible diagnosis for one of the current characters, especially the romantic leading man, doesn’t really fit with that. 

It the writers hadn’t changed I’d be more concerned, not about a character dying, just about the show leaning into some big sort of health-related melodrama.  But I think whatever might be happening will be in service to the plot.  As far as Serkan having a health-scare related to the crash, as I said above it’s very plausible. I mean what are the chances that a man survives a plane crash, is fished out of the sea, spends weeks in a hospital, gets amnesia and is perfectly fine 3-4 months later with no other repercussion? Doesn’t seem possible! 

Anonymous said: Liza, the second set of writers is really coming back! We might actually get comeuppance for Selin!

YESS!!!!! Please. I had completely lost hope with the last set of writers who seemed hellbent on normalizing her behavior.  Look I’d be fine with a 3 minute conversation where Serkan tells her that he knows she’s a manipulative liar and the baby is not his, that he wants her out of their lives for good, and that if she ever comes near Eda ever again he will personally destroy her. 

Is that so much to ask?

Though I’d like her to be humiliated in front of the rest of the team. Just so everyone knows what kind of psycho she is and no one in Edser’s orbit is tempted to give her another chance ever again. 

It will be interesting to see how this plays out.  With the news that Sarp Can (Deniz) is COVID positive, he obviously won’t be back on set anytime soon. They could probably get some VO from him if necessary, for a phone convo, but I’m gonna guess he’s done on screen. 

It’s time to write both characters out! 

As for the 22-23, 25-30 writers coming back, that is the best news I’ve had in ages.  They weren’t perfect, but the things they did well, they did really, really well. Their comedy, romantic scenes, heartfelt dialogue, accurate characterizations and penchant for sizzling scenes that “break the Turkish family structure” will all be most welcome. I’m really excited for the first time in ages. 

Anonymous said: Very interesting that the fragman did not address the Selin baby drama at all. It focused solely on Edser which was a welcome change while at the same time has me a bit nervous for the angst & drama no doubt headed our way. But if Eda & Serkan are together for good now to face the challenges coming then I cannot wait to watch. The last episode was so well done but Eda & Serkan were both near their breaking points for different reasons & you just felt awful for both of them. Really glad that the engagement did not happen and the show focused on the fallout from Serkan’s amnesia. And even had the side characters addressing how difficult things have been for Eda and that she might need some time before picking things back up with Serkan! Looking forward to the resolution of the baby story/exit of Selin and seeing Eda & Serkan heal together.

I hope that the fact that nothing Selin-related was addressed in the fragman means that we finally have people in charge who understand that we are so damned fatigued of Selin that featuring her an active deterrent for viewers.  Also I haven’t seen any evidence that Bige has been on set for 38. That doesn’t mean she hasn’t, it’s still possible, but it is encouraging that the ep will be  light on Selin. 

As far as the drama and angst, I think there’s more headed our way, however I’m hopeful it will be the good kind and not the kind that made us really uncomfortable and want to tear our hair out during the Selin/Deniz era. We know that Eda and Serkan must decide to stay together (spending time together, ring finger tattoos) so the point of the pregnancy storyline is done. When Eda found out Selin was pregnant, it gave Selin the chance for one last Hail Mary pass, and she took it, trying to break them up, but it failed. So it’s usefulness is over. She can’t keep the charade going because of Deniz, and because once Serkan has time to calm down and think, he’ll realize that any time in Slovania where he was so injured that it’s possible he doesn’t remember, he also would have been too physically incapacitated to do anything of the sort. 

As for Eda needing some time, yes, things in 36 were just too easy for Serkan in terms of the fallout from his amnesic behavior. Episode 37 made him work for it and I think come to terms with the fact that, Selin manipulations or no, there’s work to do and things he needs to atone for.  Putting her first throughout the episode, and showering her with love, was a good start. 

Anonymous said: The conversations Selin had with Eda, Serkan and Aydan in this episode had my blood boiling. Someone stop this psycho! The unnecessary hole digging was real, my god. I don't care if she's pregnant, don't hold Eda back this time and let her fight this snake. Let everyone fight her! If she's lying to Deniz now, he can fight her too.

I know, she reached new levels of abusive manipulation.  They better be planning a comeuppance, if she’s just allowed to leave with people waving goodbye, I will scream.  The Aydan conversation with her posing the question about abortion was something else. It came across to me more as a threat. Like... I’m thinking about doing this, if you don’t want my decision to be your fault, you better stay on the right side of me. 

The Eda and Serkan stuff goes without saying. It still floors me that she’s willing to pretend like she raped him (if he can’t remember because he was that injured and foggy, then it’s impossible for him to have given consent.) rather than just giving up and living the truth.  

Anonymous said: Like I get it (kind of) but I am so sick of watching Serkan be nice to Selin. Very much looking forward to Serkan chewing her out for how much she hurt Eda with this fake Serkan baby daddy story when she is exposed. I get that Serkan feels he is to blame for calling her to Slovenia in the first place & essentially in his mind giving her hope of them being together but he needs to stop excusing her horrible behavior from there. No decent person would take advantage of that situation the way she did. It seems like the only way that Selin will have an epic fall is if Deniz decides to fight for the kid he knows must be his and tell Eda everything. Going to be tough for her to believe initially but it will have to start making sense once she thinks back on things and then if the photos surface then she will know it must be true.

Agreed. I get Serkan’s guilt, and it actually shows what a good person he is, but he needs to get over it.  Because seriously, all Selin was obligated to do when she got his call was to hang up, and then dial one of the following: his mother, his father, his fiancé or best friend/business partner Engin. That’s it. Call them and say, hey, Serkan’s alive, this is where you’ll find him. But NOPE! Instead she decided to fly there, manipulate him, keep him hidden and try to use it to get back with him. She made him beholden to her, just another in the long line of brainwashing and manipulation. Her flying to his bedside was the wrong thing to do, and it would be great if someone beside Eda recognized that. 

Anonymous said: Even though Selin is the worst and I just cannot wait for her to finally be unmasked as the manipulator she is, I am really looking forward to Edser in the next episode. Eda taking care of Serkan after he passes out, the two of them reaffirming their commitment to each other with the tattoos & possible elopement, Eda reassuring Serkan that she will be at his side even if the kid turns out to be his and also the two of them working together to get to the truth. So darn excited! And if the spoilers are right that Deniz tells Eda the truth and Serkan sees the photos from Ferit then I will be so happy. It is time for Selin to go for good!

SELIN MUST GO. Yes, I think as soon as the news that Selin is pregnant and trying to pass it off as Serkan’s brain-fog baby, Ferit will unleash the photos. (if it’s him that has them).  

I just want Selin and Deniz gone so we can focus on other things. Their presence on this show is a energy drain, and I want to focus on rain frolicking, motorcycles and bed sharing!!!!!  

Anonymous said: I'm so glad that we had a scene of Serkan telling Eda that even without his memories he fell in love with her again, he just couldn't admit it. Serkan has an interesting perspective on the memory loss part of their lives where I think he almost feels too guilty about it all and just wants to move past it. I've noticed that in his dialogues in 36 & 37 where he wants to leave it in the past and basically do his all to make it all up to her in the present and future.

I think this is very well observed. He definitely was trying to leave the past in the past, but honestly I think that’s just laziness on the part of the old writers, not wanting to have to have a reckoning for all the things they had him say or do. Since the writers decided to go that way, I could buy it’s because Serkan feels too guilty about it all. We know how much he loathes making mistakes or being wrong or owing apologies. If that’s what they wanted to do, it would have gone a long way if they’d shown a bit more of him blaming himself, especially in 36. 

I was also very happy that Serkan came out and said that he’s fallen in love with her again. My only thing is I wish if they were going to do that, they would have thrown a little more detail in the dialogue. Like Serkan admitting to her that he started thinking about her all the time as soon as he returned and met her, maybe admit that he slept on his office couch clutching her wedding invitation.  A couple of things like that would have been very nice for Eda to hear. 

Anonymous said: SCK sure loves creating difficult situations for Eda & Serkan. I really felt for Serkan in the last episode especially since he was back to being the romantic robot we all love. He so baldly wants to make up for lost time with Eda that he rushes ahead with the proposal and then gets crushed when she rejects him. And then spends most of the episode frantically trying to figure out what is going on with her and trying to show her how much he loves her. I was really happy though that the show addressed a few different times how awful the last few months have been for Eda and it also made Serkan address it. His plan to just forget about everything and move forward did not happen. Loved that the side characters stepped up to remind him of everything he & Selin put Eda through. Not so crazy that the show decided to use Selin’s pregnancy as the plot device to get Serkan to finally realize “oh yeah, what happened since my accident is a very big deal & now I have to face it & come to terms with it” but still glad it happened. Selin is obviously so much more in the wrong than Serkan but let’s hope her downfall takes place in the next episode.

All of this.  I think you’re exactly right, Serkan tried to brush past everything and I’m glad that finally the other characters stepped up a little to help make him see that he had more work to do. Special shout out to Seyfi for his sassy comment about Serkan almost marrying another woman. And finally Piril was useful and acted like a friend, the first time she had since he returned.  

[phantomtied]

ith𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐒𝐇𝐄𝐄𝐓  ,

Repost, don’t reblog.

BASICS.

full name.  radames zero the jackal nickname.   zero,zerry,rada (only to people who know his name/close to him) gender.   male height.   3′7″ age.  25-26 spoken languages.  Arabic & english

PHYSICAL CHARACTERISTICS.

hair color.   White eye color.   blue and yellow skin tone fur.   black and white accent.   american english,but sometimes his accent slips in dominant hand.   ambidextrous,  favors the left hand a bit more due to vision posture. zero has decent posture most times,sometimes he does slump over in his chair or standing mostly when hes tired. scars.  he has quite a few,the ones most noticeable would be the scar across his right eye and the ones on his chest usually covered by bandages most noticeable feature(s).   eyes/eyebags and his big & fluffy tail

CHILDHOOD.

siblings.  N/A parents.   Faris (father), Leila (mother) parental involvement. raised by his parents,spent time training and helping his dad with work as he got older,affection was shown when he did things the right way to them or when he listened.

ADULT LIFE.

occupation.   Mercenary -> eggman empire -> n/a currently current residence.   Coles home in the forest area of sunset heights  relationship status. (verse dependent)  single or taken mode of transportation:walking mostly? criminal record.   HAH theres offing people off as a merc,and assisting eggman in a war and harming thousands upon taking most the world.

MISCELLANEOUS.

hobbies to pass time.   treasure hunting,reading,playing videogames,stealing stuff  mental illnesses.   depression ,  ptsd,anxiety,paranoia fears.   being abandoned ,   feeling useless ,   public spaces,lightning,loosing the ones he cares about self-confidence level.  its pretty low,zero doesnt always have that much confident in himself he tries his best to hide it but it does end up showing. vulnerabilities.   represses emotions,   lashes out because of said repressing ,   struggles with accepting / giving physical affection ,   big abandonment/trust issues , afraid of interacting with others

tagged by: no one stole this!

tagging: @pistolbitten​ @ironicfatc​ @heroquills​ @knightofthelake​ @unfadinglight​ @mercalimari​ @prrrower​ @wereclaw​ + anyone else who wants to give this a go!

[thechildoflightning]

Does anyone in jksf have dietary restrictions? For like any reason, religious, personal, or medical?

Short answer- yes. I’m putting it all below the cut bc I know this can be a real triggering topic, even though the majority of the characters deal with diets in healthy ways.

TW: dietary restrictions, medical diets, religious diets, food discussion, near death experience, eating disorders, implied forced dieting, “autism diets”, food texture issues

Roman follows Islamic diet rules of things that are halal (permissible) and haram (forbidden). The very basics- all meat has to be killed and handled a certain way, you can’t consume pork, and you can’t become intoxicated. Roman also fasts dawn to sunset during Ramadan, which lasts 29-30 days. In addition, halal, haram, and fasting all extend beyond just consuming food. Halal and haram also refer to products that contain those items (ex. animal fats in cosmetics) and fasting is the idea of cleansing one’s mind and soul so it doesn’t just include food, but thoughts, actions, behavior, sexual activity, and more. It’s also required that you break Islamic diet rules if it’s unhealthy for you, and Roman can and has followed that.

Before and after he was kidnapped Virgil was sorta following kosher, and this was due to the fact that his parents were sorta following kosher (Jewish dietary guidelines). The very basics- all meat has to be killed and handled a certain way. Certain animals, including pork and shellfish, cannot be consumed. Only certain parts of the animal can be consumed. Certain foods can’t be paired together, notably meat and dairy. This being said, Virgil’s family doesn’t really stick to kosher that much and after he moves out he pretty much doesn’t at all.

Logan was definitely put through some of the “autism diets” as a kid. Logan was eventually taken off the different diets after a few years after seeing no change (which is what science has always reported anyways but thats Logan’s mom for you). Logan also has a lot of food texture issues with foods with lumpy or inconstant consistency (ex. mashed potatoes, milkshakes, applesauce, even some curries and sometimes scrambled eggs). Due to these texture issues, Logan can’t eat those foods.

Patton was on a weight-gaining diet for a very short period after he had meningitis because he lost a dangerous amount of weight for an infant. Once he was back to a safe weight, he was taken off. Patton’s also been on numerous medical diets to try and help with memory loss but tbh I don’t have enough knowledge to say what they’d be and if they’d work bc we really don’t actually know that much about our brains nor do doctor’s completely understand why Patton experiences memory loss so its hard to figure out how to treat it and they try a lot of different things, not just limited to diets.

Deceit is diagnosed with an eating disorder. He’s been in recovery for it for a long time and by the time he first appears in Echolocation, it is something that no longer affects his daily life, but can still occasionally cause difficulties. Growing up, Deceit had little to no control over his schedule since the day he was born. He had “free time” on occasion, but he always lived by strict rules that other people dealt out, so when he suddenly has No Rules it’s really really hard for him and a way for him to manage this was by controlling his food. At first he was misdiagnosed with OCD which changed to an OSFED (other specified feeding or eating disorder) diagnosis when they realized the root of it was trauma-based need for control.

Remy hasn’t dieted but has taken numerous supplements to help eye health since he was a child. He’s dropped a lot as his eye’s worsened and currently takes vitamin E, omega-3, and zinc supplements.

[thesanguinerose]

Rory Redacted Survey Thing

Tagged by @queenofeden so RIP everyone, I'm posting on mobile and have no read more :[

EDIT: Readmore established hehe...

BASICS

Name: Riordan Tanner[given name]

Riordan O'Marcaigh[mother's maiden name/aunt's last name]

Riordan Devorak [post game]

Nickname(s)/Titles: Rory (Everyone calls him this), Ro (Julian), Rory Redacted (inside joke)

Age: 27 [start of game]

Birthday: April 11

Zodiac Sign: sun Aries, moon Sagittarius, rising Leo

Gender: male [trans right babey]

Pronouns: he/him

Orientation: bi [male pref]

Favorite flower: carnation

Favorite food: steak, medium-rare 

Favorite drink: apple cider [hot/cold/alcoholic/non...all of it]

Love Interest: Julian. I use him for all of them, but his backstory and personality is so perfectly crafted for the Julian route that it feels weird with anyone else now.

APPEARANCE/PHYSICAL TRAITS

Height: 5'2" - [5'4"-5'5" with heels/heeled boots, which he always wears]

Weight: 165

Body type/build: Average build, slightly thicker. Round/heart shaped face, upper body is thinner with a layer of muscle under the soft - gets more muscular post-game due to the time spent on a ship. Thick/strong legs, has an ass 😌

Skin: white and ruddy, pink/warm undertones

Hair: dark brown, kept long/below his shoulders. Ties it into a ponytail, messy bun, or loose braid sometimes. Intricate braiding and hairpieces/rings are for special occasions. Cuts it above his shoulders once and hates it.

Eyes: Green

Distinguishing features: freckles, left ear is pierced at the lobe and a few times on the cartilage. Wears earrings in all holes, usually wears a silver chain earring connecting the lobe to cartilage.

Clothing: 

pre-game > lots of sheer shirts over crop tops, shorts, leggings, couture inspired masquerade outfits, silver accessories only - gold washes him out. Signature colors are blue and silver. As the plague spread, kept himself more covered, though the fabrics were still sheer. Worn canvas or linen shirts at Best.

During game > white linen undershirt, modified stay over it to act as a binder, a white gauze shirt over that with sleeves rolled up, navy vest/jerkin, tan pants, brown heeled boots, his black handbag of holding.

Physical health: he needs glasses to see. Is overall in ok health. Allergic to three types of trees all of which are in the surrounding area, prone to hayfever, his joints click.

PERSONALITY/INTERESTS

Personality: 

PreGame > confident to a point that it is irritating and rude, blunt, quick to anger, doesn't cry, cares about people but pretends not to, bad at making connections with people, needs to be wanted and latches on to people who have feelings for him, doesn't tell people Things About Himself. It's all a defense mechanism - he's deeply sensitive and feels a lot, but doesn't understand how to express it in a way that makes sense. Doesn't wear his glasses bc they make him look like a nerd. Pride and hubris are his ultimate downfall, doesn't listen to people he cares about because once he's decided he's doing something, he's going to do it. Died with a laundry list of regrets.

InGame > jumpy and antsy, doesn't like going outside because it's a lot, but longs for adventure. Kinder now that The Weight Of Life has not pressed itself upon him. Mom Friend instincts, will rise to the challenge during an immediate crisis, but once it's over, he needs to be taken care of. Quick to cry. Embarrassingly quick to cry. Gradually gains his confidence back in a healthy way, still incredibly impulsive, is more open and communicative with his feelings. Still quick to anger.

Likes: being right, dogs, tea, shiny/sparkly things [esp pretty rocks and jewelry], fashion, horses, fire.

Dislikes: being told he's wrong/not getting what he wants, blood magic, people who don't cover their mouths when they sneeze, waiting, being called cute or any variation thereof. Do Not Call Him A Witch.

Fears: being known and by extension rejected, the dark, spiders, water

Habits: tapping his fingers on things, touching any and all textiles that catch his eye, picking at his nails, making promises he has a hard time keeping

Mental health: ADHD - emphasis on RSD esp pre game. Translates into anxiety in-game/post-game. Varying degrees of depression and suicidal ideation pre game.

LIFE

Residence: born in unnamed Fantasy Ireland, lived in Prakra for 4 years[16-20] has lived in the shop in Vesuvia since[20-27]

Occupation: magician, shopkeep, prakran magic school alumni. Formerly: leathersmith's apprentice, doctor's apprentice

Skills: sewing/embroidery, basic alchemy, illusion based magic [esp in a party/theatrical context], divination, conjuration, horseback riding, general showmanship, arguing/debating

TRIVIA -Mostly pregame/backstory based.

Grew up on a farm that handled livestock primarily. Also raised horses.

Repressed his talent for magic due to it making his mother and the villagers uncomfortable.

Jumping off that: Mommy Issues ™ 

Has incredibly good intuition and is a natural at divination, but he is predisposed to giving negative readings or only having a Spidey Sense when something bad is going to happen. As a result, abhors divination because he thinks either 1. It's wrong [it isn't his life is just a mess], 2. He can't do it right or 3. He's the reason bad things happen.

Had a border collie named Patches his aunt gave him when he was on his way to Prakra. Status post death is unknown. Also has a horse named Callam who he's had since he was about 8. Status post death is unknown.

Had a younger brother named Riley who went MIA during battle. Likely killed by the plague. It runs in the family.

Is allergic to three types of trees and has to wear very specific gloves and a mask when gathering herbs so he doesn't break out in hives.

Kept an extremely detailed journal. It documents his life from when he left home to his death. Has doodles. So many doodles. Not really cohesive, but it makes sense to him. Also has shopping lists. [Out of use post-death, but Rory reads it post-game]

Did he mention he went to the magic college in Prakra? Because he went to college and if you didn’t know, well, he sure will tell you about it.

Was incredibly close with his Aunt, who was basically Him but Nicer and Watered Down.

Speaks fantasy Gaelic fluently before his death, esp with his Aunt. Taught Asra curse words. loses most of it when he's brought back. Also loses part of his accent, falling into general Vesuvian, though it shines through when he speaks quickly and on specific words.

Is 90% talk and 10% action. He's a weenie.

Made a Bag Of Holding in magic college - Carries it everywhere both pre and in-game. Works like a Mary Poppins bag, but small and black and stylish. Goes with everything.

Had time to settle into his gender identity and presentation in pre-game, is utterly unapologetic. Had mild dysphoria but nowhere near as bad as current/post. Current Rory starts from scratch and has to work back up to feeling okay, but has general "oh bad" feelings for a while. Bad feelings are only exacerbated by the Fool's body before he understands it. Takes a lot of work to do so. He ends up okay!!

Had two sexual partners before his death, but dated a whole lot of people. Very picky about who he does things with, but also needs to be desired. Broke a lot of hearts out of boredom and the fear of being vulnerable.

LOOKS ™ 

Pregame:

In/postgame:

[wydmariana]

well hellooooo beautiful people !!  my name’s dani, i’m one of the admins on the main! i’m 20, i’m from toronto & i also play the hailey fc alanna !! i’m so fkn excited to have wealthy back up & running and to bring my baby mariana back ! she’s the same old girl and if you don’t know anything about her...everything u need is under the read more ! i rly need all the connections rn so like this & i’ll hit you up for plots !!!!

❛ new york’s very own mariana cavello was spotted on broadway street in  christian louboutin’s. your resemblance to selena gomez is unreal. according to tmz, you just had your twenty-third birthday bash. while living in new york, you’ve been labeled as being reticent, but also quixotic. i guess being a gemini explains that. three things that would paint a better picture of you would be fishnets, tequila shots, notebooks filled with lyrics. & ( cisfemale & she/her ) + ( dani, 20, she/her, est )

☇   ❪    ˚･ﾟ ❛ STATISTICS :

full name: mariana marisol cavello

nickname(s): mari

age: twenty three

date of birth: june 4th

hometown: new york city

current location: upper east side, new york city

ethnicity: half mexican

nationality: american

gender: cisfemale

pronouns: she/her

parents names: tanner hastings, liliana cavello

orientation: pansexual but she doesn’t like labels

religion: grew up catholic, undecided

political affiliation: democrat

occupation: singer/songwriter

living arrangements: lives in her own mansion in the upper east side

language(s) spoken: english, spanish

accent: american

face claim: selena gomez

hair colour: x (most basic/accurate/but it changes)

eye colour: brown

height: 5″5

weight: 120lbs

build: petite

tattoos: mostly selena’s canon, but x instead of the music note

piercings: x (both ears)

drugs/alcohol/sex: yes/yes/yes

pets: one cat, 5 years old, named sergio - x

astrological chart: gemini sun, cancer moon, scorpio rising

☇   ❪    ˚･ﾟ ❛  BACKSTORY/CURRENT :

mariana was born to tanner cavello (famous hotel owner, entrepreneur, multimillionaire, been on forbes, think bart bass) & lilliana cavello (hispanic model/socialite)

her parents marriage was very much settling, the two of them cared about each other & were excited to start their life together in effort to please their parents and keep their images pristine

they were quick to fall out of love though, if you could say they were even ever in it

once mariana and her brother became teenagers, their dad started having affairs with his employes, the hot, young ones of course. & their mom found out, but confided in a 16 year old mariana about her father’s actions

( sexual abuse tw ) this infuriated mariana, especially considering the hours she would spend waiting outside her father’s office doing homework while his business partners molested her in the empty conference room starting at the age of 14

she never told anyone about it, although she knew her father had known the whole time, remembering how many times he’d interrupt it by summoning his partners for work or a meeting

mariana began absolutely hating her father, while still yearning for his approval, & this went on for 4 years until she turned 18 and got revenge by sleeping with one of her dad’s business partners & allowing his wife to find out

so his wife threatened to tell the media about this little scandal, unless mari’s dad paid them off, which is exactly what he did but not before taking his anger out on mariana & blaming her for the whole mess

she has barely talked to her dad since & moved out right as that whole situation went down. she does her best to avoid family gatherings, doesn’t visit the house to see her parents too often. she does have weekly phone calls with her mom & tries to see her as often as she can, no matter how much she resents her

she got into the party scene around 17/18 as well, and became new york’s resident “wild child rich kid/socialite” in her teen years, so she has that reputation in the media still to this day

her parents have been rich as fuck since the day she was born, so she’s definitely a spoiled brat, never worked a day in her life, had daddy’s credit card whenever she needed it

music had always been a passion of hers though, being her favorite class in school(on days when she would actually attend)

so when she was 20, she started getting back into writing, sold a couple of her songs to artists like zendaya, the weeknd, etc

when she turned 21 she released her first single & album within the same year, began touring, and got to the top of the charts almost right away & gained a huge fanbase, whom she loves

she’s now 23 and has two studio albums out !! she’s v successful and happy w her music <3 she releases things very sporadically & im probs gonna  release random selena songs along with other voice claims maybe IDKDKKD hope yall dont mind  my  messy ass kskffsk

she works hard though, & loves writing and releasing music now and never wants to stop. it’s truly the thing that makes her most happy in the entire world and keeps her sane

☇   ❪    ˚･ﾟ ❛  PERSONALITY  :

mariana can be a brat, to put it simply. she thinks she’s always right about everything & it’s rare you’re ever gonna get an apology from her when she’s done something wrong (unless she really cares about you which….)

she’s lowkey a softie, bc of her cancer moon tbh. she tends to get herself into relationships and then mess them up for the sake of it or because she stops trusting herself to be in the relationship at all

but when she loves someone, she LOVES them, like w every fibre in her body u know?

and she cares fiercely about people, it ends up being a problem for her a lot of the time

she hasn’t worked through her trauma & probably never will, she bottles that shit up tight & doesn’t let anybody know it’s there. the only way she’s ever opening up is if she’s writing, cause she wants that shit to be real

but she’s still gonna hoe it up, catch her in the club trying to get some dick for the night, u know what i mean?

super depressed if we’re being real here. she’s sad, and she has abandonment issues because of her dad. so her mindset is- there’s no forming attachments, because everyone leaves me anyway

( drugs tw ) she loves cocaine, is most definitely an addict (but who isn’t in this city), tequila is her alcohol of choice, but she’ll drink anything you give her & weed is her creative saving grace

she started popping pain pills on her 21st birthday, opioids occasionally & mostly xanax, stuff like that, is most definitely also addicted to those

we love a bitch who doesn’t care about her health!

her management team frowns upon it, but she does smoke cigarettes pretty often, but mostly only when she’s stressed

mariana’s the type of bitch to call the paparazzi on herself, she loves attention. but with her music career now it’s been 10x harder for her to keep her life private, not that she cares. but at least she doesn’t have to call the paps on herself anymore lol

she thinks it’s important to treat people w kindness and respect, but no doubt she’ll be ready to fight a b*tch if she has to…

catch her at any protest that involves saying “fuck you trump”

her instagram is a big mix of stories of her cat, dumb selfies, ig model posts, her friends, career stuff & political posts. she’s very active on the gram & snapchat lol

honestly thank U for reading this trash if u didnt…i understand. catch her pinterest board for more here & i have a wanted connections page here ! ok bye i love u, plot w me <3

[priincesspacificaarchive]

[dollmaker can be found here]

① ARE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE ?

my middle name came from the person who introduced my parents in college.

② WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED ?

like two nights ago. i cry a lot honestly.

③ DO YOU HAVE KIDS ?

not rn. kinda wanna once i’m married and all but i can barely take care of the succulent my friend gave me so.

④ DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT ?

it’s literally considered a second language in my house. i spoke sarcasm before i even knew what the word meant.

⑤ WHAT’S THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE ?

uhhhhhhhh i have literally no clue. if they’re eyes are like, a really interesting color probably that first? otherwise it’s like, their hair maybe? yall i don’t pay attention.

⑥ WHAT’S YOUR EYE COLOR ?

bright blue, just like my momma’s. ⑦ SCARY MOVIE OR HAPPY ENDING ?

i hate scary movies tbh so gimme a happy ending pls.

⑧ ANY SPECIAL TALENTS ?

no there is nothing special about me. jk i’m a pretty logical person? so if i can get my brain to focus on all the pieces i’m kinda kick butt at puzzles.

⑨ WHERE WERE YOU BORN ?

ohio. like seriously. born and raised w ranch and corn (even tho i hate ranch) “ope lemme just squeeze past ya” (i have actually said that before okay leave me alone.)

⑩ WHAT ARE YOUR HOBBIES ?

writing, reading, playing video games, card/board games w the fam, acting. i mostly work so i haven’t rly picked up any new ones since high school.

⑪ DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS ?

no. landlord won’t let me have pets. my mom and the fam that still live there have a dog that’s almost 10. his name is forest and he is pERFECT.

⑫ WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY/HAVE YOU PLAYED ?

lol i have health issues i wasn’t allowed to play sports. tho i did do dance and baton when i was like, four. and then i picked baton up again in middle school but dropped it bc i didn’t like it.

⑬ HOW TALL ARE YOU ?

5ft 1 and like, 3/4th in? i’M ALMOST 5’2 OKAY

⑭ DREAM JOB ?

tbh i just wanna be a stay-at-home mom okay i’m only 21 and tired of working.

⑮ FAVORITE SUBJECT AT SCHOOL ?

it was usually english but i had this rly cool spanish teacher that i loved and i was pretty good at math so rly the only ones i never liked much were science and history.

tagged by: @llamanorthwest

tagging: @tiitaniumxwill @hardcoreproved @bowcr that’s like....all i got yo. if u see it and want it tho feel free to say i tagged u.

[hijinae]

                     KANG JINAE — TASK OO1.

          ❝ maybe the journey isn’t so much about becoming anything. maybe it’s about                unbecoming everything that isn’t really you, so you CAN be who you were                                                       meant to be in the first place.

GENERAL INFO

full name: kang jinae. nickname(s): jiji. nae. ( and jenni was her english name ). gender & pronouns: cis-female / she & her. sexual & romantic orientation: pansexual / panromantic. age & dob: twenty-six. 311092. birthplace/hometown: léon, france, tho she was only there for the first two months of her life, until the doctors gave her the all clear & her father moved them for the first time of many. parents/siblings: kang jaejin ( father, alive, currently lives in chile and hasn’t seen his daughter since she came back to korea ). kim nari ( mother, deceased ). no siblings. pet(s): one sphynx KITTEN named juju !! astrological sign: sun: scorpio. moon: sagittarius. rising: virgo. dominant hand: she writes with her right, but does literally everything else like a left handed person. handwriting style: very neat and organized. language(s) known/spoken: she’s currently fluent in: french, english, spanish, mandarin, japanese, korean and portuguese. she wants to learn: german and russian. religion: wiccan. current living arrangements: lives in a relatively high end penthouse-like apartment. ( FLOOR PLAN | MASTER BEDROOM | LIVING AREA | KITCHEN | RECORDING STUDIO ) occupation/major: retired idol / recording artist.

PHYSICAL

picture reference: HERE. blood type: a. nationality: korean. skin tone/color: normally, her skin is very milky. birthmarks & scars: she has a couple scars from childhood that came along with being a little adventurer, but nothing major. she has a strawberry shaped birthmark that’s about three or four shades darker than her skin tone that can be found the back of her left shoulder. she also has one on the outside of her right wrist. height: ~158cm ( 5′2″ ) build: lean, slim. hair color: normally, it’s black. right now, she has it dyed purple, tho. hair length: just a few inches short of being all the way to her hips. eye color: brown, naturally, but she’s known to wear a lot of colored contacts. diet: she eats what she wants, when she wants, however much of it she wants. as an idol, she had to do a lot of dieting and she’s over it. people should be able to enjoy themselves without worrying too much; of course, they should take care of their health ( both physical & mental ), but they don’t have to be a size 00 in order to do so. exercise & level of fitness: she does light cardio and weight lifting, along with some yoga. it’s nothing too serious because she mainly does it to keep herself feeling good and flexible. it also helps her endurance, which is a plus. she’s a runner, tho, so she does that the most and on the daily. how’s their posture ( or lack thereof )?: when she’s working, it’s normally very proper out of habit. when she’s just relaxing, she can be known to slouch a bit. typical style of dress: when she’s at home, sweatpants and a sports bra is what she’ll always be in. she’ll throw on a tank top if she has a guest ( depending who it is ).

her street style varies. sometimes she’ll wear a dress or skirt, sometimes it’s jeans & a tee, sometimes it’s something baggy. and she’s always seen with either a hat or face mask. body modifications: piercings: each lobe is pierced. she has an industrial in her right ear & three cartilage piercings in her left. she’s looking to get a venom tongue piercing, she just hasn’t decided when.

tattoos: THIS ONE on the underneath of both wrists. THIS ONE between her boobs. THIS ONE on her back. THIS ONE on her right thigh ( nsfw ). and THIS ONE on her right rib. a waning crescent on her right ring finger ( to represent @ofdaeseong‘s moon phase when he was born ), her zodiac symbol on her right pointer finger, three dots on her right middle finger, middle knuckle. a waning crescent on her left pointer finger ( to represent @ofazcmi‘s moon phase when she was born ), three dots on her left middle finger, middle knuckle, and saturn lineart on her left ring finger ( bc get it ?? marriage, left ring finger,,, saturn,,, the only planet with a ring ?? no ?? ok then. )

MANNERISMS

how does your muse walk?: normally, it’s sorta soft and airy, like the summer breeze. she’s really shy, tho, so if she’s walking alone, she’ll try to make herself as small as possible in hopes of bringing the least amount of attention to herself. how does your muse talk?: very clear and concise with her words and pronunciation. she’s also very animated, so she talks with her hands and makes a lot of facial expressions. what accent/dialect does your muse talk with?: thanks to her training, she primarily speaks with a seoul dialect. how would you describe the tone of their voice? are they loud or quiet?: she’s definitely on the quiet side, but her vocal tone is sorta low. raspy at times, too, which is why she prefers to sing the r&b / soul genre. she feels it fits her vocal style much better. what does their laugh sound like?: she doesn’t make a lot of noise when she laughs ( or does much of anything tbh ), it’s just slight wheezing depending how hard she’s laughing. if she gets to laughing too hard, tho, it’ll sound like she’s crying.   how does your muse typically smell?: roses !!! it’s a light scent if it’s during the day time and she normally mixes it with a hint of vanilla if she’s going out at night. what kind of air do they carry?: sorta timid, maybe a little standoffish if she doesn’t smile. when she smiles, tho, it’s very warm and sweet. do they have a(ny) catchphrase(s)?: not really ?? i mean, she says i love you a lot, but that’s about it. what are their nervous ticks?: shakes her legs, bites her lip / cheek, crackles her knuckles, pinches herself.

PSYCHOLOGY

what makes your muse happiest?: roses. her kitten. her friends. bubble baths. night time. music, most importantly her guitars. art museums. banana milk. ice cream. deep conversations. filming / photography. cooking. gloomy days. clean bed sheets. body pillows. cuddles. warm tea. smiles. surprises. learning. losing herself in a good book. scented candles. holding hands. what upsets them the most?: herself. impatient / rude people. forgetting things. nightmares. does your muse have any quirks?: she has a tendency to talk to herself ? mainly bc it helps get a handle on her thoughts and everything. what are their hobbies? how frequent do/can they do them?: making music, primarily and she does it daily. reading, which she does every night before she goes to bed; at least a chapters worth. photography, and that happens usually only when inspiration strikes. cinematography, primarily only becomes a thing when she’s making a b-roll to be used to make a lyric video or something for one of her songs. cooking, whenever she feels like doing it. do they have any guilty pleasures?: she doesn’t do anything that she feels guilty about, so no ?? is your muse an extrovert or an introvert? neither?: she’s definitely much more introverted, unless she’s comfortable with you. do they have high or low self-esteem? what about confidence?: she has low everything tbh are they easily stressed and how do they normally respond to it?: normally, she just tackles the situation head on and focuses on getting it done. then, once it’s not an issue anymore, she’ll freak out. what is your muses worst fear?: losing the people she loves. what is your muses biggest dream?: to become a good mom, daughter, friend, and someone her people can be proud. is your muse a morning person or a night dragon?: she’s both; just depends which one she needs to be. how intelligent is your muse? do they acknowledge it?: she’s a lot smarter in a sense of street smarts than school smarts ( but she’s always been a straight A student ), but she definitely doesn’t acknowledge it. there’s so much for her to still learn and room for growth; she’s never going to consider herself intelligent. to her, she’s dumb, but she’s not stupid. describe their sense of humor: it’s really easy to make her laugh considering she laughs at everything. her favorite thing, tho, is when someone mispronounces something.

RELATIONSHIP TENDENCIES

are they currently in any sexual or romantic relationships?: they are in neither at the moment. what is their experience with relationships?: she’s been in one official relationship with @hwvngahri, but they’ve broken up for various reasons. however, they’re still unable to completely let go of one another. how does your muse view the idea of friends with benefits? have they ever had one? would they ever?: she doesn’t really have a view on them. so long as both parties are single, it’s really up to them, isn’t it ? and she hasn’t had any friends with benefits nor does she think she’d ever have any, but then again, life works in mysterious ways so she’s not completely closed off to the idea. how important is sex to your muse?: it’s not the most important thing, but it’s still really important. after all, you should be with someone who you enjoy and who enjoys you. what are their biggest turn on and turn offs?: in her own words: “i can get behind everything except the nasty stuff that involves bodily liquids or feet.” in terms of non-sexual things, she likes honesty, kindness, loyalty, the usual stuff. and she’s primarily turned off by disrespect. does your muse find it easy to make friends?: not,,, terribly. as i mentioned before, she’s shy. like,, really shy, so she finds opening up sort of difficult. but at the same time, she just wants to spread love and warmth to everyone, so she’s always very nice. how important is friendship to them?: it’s Very important. quantity or quality of friends?: quality will Always beat quantity any day of the week. how important is family?: i mean, it’s important, but more so the family she’s chosen for herself along with her maternal grandparents. the relationship between her and her father is VERY strained. are they close to their family? why or why not ?: they aren’t, not really. besides her maternal grandparents, as i mentioned above, who took care of her when she moved back to sk. her dad just hasn’t really been able to form much of a bond with her — jinae thinks this is bc he blames her for his wife’s death — and it’s something she’s carried with her throughout her whole life.

FAVORITES

activity: playing guitar / singing. animal: cats !! and owls beverage: warm tea or banana milk. book: when breath becomes air. color: purple !! designer: doesn’t have one; prefers not to wear them. food: anything with chicken. sweet stuff. flower: roses !! lilies !! gem: ooooh, she has a collection of these and she likes them for different reasons, but if she had to choose a favorite, she’d probably go with moonstone or opalite. holiday: all of them, especially halloween. she just likes having an excuse to either dress up or shower the people she loves with affection. mode of transportation: @ofdaeseong‘s bike or walking. movie: the craft. and if you didn’t see that coming, i,,, don’t know what to tell you. musical artist: she has Multiple, so i’ll list a few that she listens to regularly: emotional oranges, jay park, the rose, tinashe, kiana lede, kehlani, just to name a few. quote / saying: “if it harms none, do as you will”. it’s the basis of her beliefs and pretty much dictates how she goes about everything in life. scenery: she Loves the woods in the dead of winter. or spring sunsets. scent: roses !! and pretty much everything floral. she also likes the smell of pine and the earth after it rains. weather: gloomy and cold. vacation destination: she’s been to a lot of beautiful places, but she’s never been able to experience the caribbean; which is where she’d like to go before making a final decision about her favorite vacation spot. as of right now, tho, canada is in the lead.

ATTITUDES

greatest dream: she just wants to become the best person she can be. both for herself and the people who are important to her. greatest fear: losing the people she loves. most at east when: when she’s with her best friends, @ofazcmi and @ofdaeseong and / or when she’s playing her guitar. least as ease when: she’s put on the spot. worst possible thing that could happen: she doesn’t make her mom proud or loses her friends. biggest achievement: helping make her mom’s dream come true; even if she didn’t last as long as she would’ve liked. biggest regret: she doesn’t have any. everything happens for a reason and nothing in the universe is coincidental. most embarrassing moment: pretty much every day of her life tbh. biggest secret: she’s a survivor of abuse which is why she has nothing to do with her dad anymore. top priorities: her friends. her music. life.

EXTRA TIDBITS

001. she gives everyone a nickname, and i mean Everyone ------ usually pokemon related ------ she may not call you by said nickname, but it helps keep her from forgetting.

002. the most sentimental person you’ll ever meet; she keeps everything. you two went to see a movie 10 years ago ?? she’s still got the ticket stub. you gave her a birthday card 19 years ago ?? she’s still got it. and every gift from her usually includes something she’s made herself.

003. her camera roll is Filled with funny animal pictures. she looks at them anytime she needs a laugh.

004. her personality does a complete 180 after she’s had a few drinks. the veil is dropped, along with all of her insecurities, & she finally shows the woman she really is.

005. everything she does is very light. her touch, her steps, the way she writes, etc. she’s just very soft; so much so that sometimes it’s hard to tell if she’s actually touched you or if you just imagined it. sorta like if you have your phone in your pocket & you think you feel it vibrate, but you can’t actually tell so you have to check ? yea, like that. bc of this, it’s also rly easy for her to sneak up on you.

006. watches a lot of asmr videos ://////

007. there’s only four people in this entire world that she would actually throw fists for and that’s @ofazcmi, @ofdaeseong, @rhyominnie & her daughter.

008. she has an ear for accents, so if she listens to it a few times, she can ( usually ) mimic it perfectly. and sometimes she thinks it’s fun to use one of those accents when she takes a trip & meets someone new. it sorta gives her an opportunity to get out of her own skin for a bit, which she, strangely, finds therapeutic.

009. it took her a long time to actually enjoy her birthday / halloween. for the longest time, she always felt guilty that she was the one here instead of her mom, and that she had the ability to have fun, but over time, she slowly began to realize ( with the help of her friends ) that she was allowed to enjoy herself; that it’s what her mom would’ve wanted. now, it’s her favorite and she also uses it as a way to pay respects.