#the one who said a slur but never sorry. the one who didn’t change. the one who half asses every apology because she never ever meant it

[laniidae-passerine]

Amazed with how many people say they like Birdie or they find her, not Kate Hudson but her, genuinely attractive. Did you completely miss the point? As an attractive white woman, Birdie Jay can get away with saying “Jewy” as an insult, can get away with comparing herself to Harriet Tubman and implicitly can get away with doing blackface. People forgave her, because she’s just a little stupid, she didn’t mean it, it wasn’t her fault! All she needs to do, as Peg outright states, is give a half apology and lay low and then the world will get over it. But the things she did are still horrific. Her racism is still racism, regardless of whether it comes from hate or ignorance. Birdie Jay is not a good person and you’re not meant to think she is.

[soleilapproves]

Gojo is your insufferable boss who is also in love with you.

Note: female bodied reader, reader is referred to as princess at one point, angst to fluff, they argue in the end but all is well. This is NOT proof read so I’m sorry if there are any mistakes. I’m still in the process of editing it.

Word count: 2.8k

-•-

Click clack

Click clack

Gojo was counting down the steps of your echoing heels from the other end of the corridor. His heart stirred as he took in your attire- pencil skirt, crisp blouse without a single crease, and a simple smart watch adorning your wrist. In your hand, you were holding your bag for the day and Gojo’s iPad that you used to organize his plans.

His smile grew as you approached closer. He knew that crushing on his assistant was unethical, but could he really help himself? The way your tone changed when you’d find out about him skipping important meetings just made you seem more irresistible to him. It didn’t help that you had the kind of beauty that was seen born once every century (in his humble opinion).

It was obvious that Gojo had a thing for people that commanded attention and authority. Except you didn’t see yourself as that kind of person.

“Good morning, dear.” The cheeky CEO was grateful to be wearing shades in doors because who knows what you would’ve said if you found out that he was checking out how your breasts looked in that blouse. “Good morning, sir.” He inwardly groaned at the term. You oblivious that you were undeniably attractive to this man.

The entire day he would only stare at you. During meetings with potential investors, he’d ask for your opinion out of the blue, catching you and the the attendees by surprise. It was said behind closed doors that you were the true head of the company as Gojo always asked you first before making any important decisions. It irked many of his clients but they knew the man grew up spoilt.

It angered female employees to see that you were getting special attention from him. You even had your own coffee machine by your desk because he didn’t want you to go all the way to the employee break room. He would even send his chauffeur to pick you up if you called in about the train being too late. Of course, he’d be in the car too. He doesn’t want you alone with any man for too long.

However, there were negative aspects of receiving his undivided attention too. He’d make you stay late at the office for extra paperwork, so you would both end up working together and even sleeping on the employee couches at times. He would always call you at lunch time to eat and work with him, often letting your homemade lunch go to waste. And last but not least, he would make you work with him during all his recreational and wellness retreats because he couldn’t stay in the office for longer than a week.

You were exhausted and you wanted to quit to pursue your long term goal of starting your own small business. As gorgeous as he was to look at, he was a chore to work for. All you needed was an excuse.

Unfortunately, you had him wrapped around your finger and didn’t even know it.

Which is why you were surprised when he asked you out on a date. And he was even more surprised when you declined.

“Why not, princess?” It was 12 am and this man was on your doorstep, drunk and on his knees. He had discarded his usual suit jacket and his shirt had two buttons unbuttoned from the top. His sleeves were rolled up and his hair was a mess, almost like he had been running his hands through them all night. He looked like the definition of a drunkard.

“For one, sir, you are my boss and second, you are drunk. It is obvious that you are not well.” You had taken care of him when he was drunk before but it mainly involved dropping him off at this apartment after he had one too many drinks at a hotel bar. Never a situation where he would come to your place by himself.

“Then I’m firing you.” He slurred, eyes glossy from the tears of rejection.

“Sir, please, this is after work hours and I would like to sleep on time for at least one night. I don’t know how you got here, but I’m calling your chauffeur.”

“No! Don’t call Ijichi! Just give me 5 minutes and I’ll leave. I need to tell you how I feel.”

You sigh and nod. Your patience was running out but you decided to listen to the poor man. He stood up (still slightly wobbly), rested one arm against your door frame and leaned in dangerously close to your face to the point where you could smell the Pinot noir on him.

“From the moment I laid eyes on you, I knew you were going to be my wife. I knew I couldn’t let you go.” His glossy eyes bore into yours as his eyebrows furrowed. You could tell he was feeling particularly rough today.

“You know what kind of a man I am. I have no discipline. I’m rash. I’m a flirt. But you-“ he lifted his finger and pointed it right above your chest.

-you straighten me up. I felt like a fucking loser. I had no direction but when I’m with you, I feel like I have nothing to lose.” Your seething anger was replaced with curiosity. Why was he having all these feelings for you out of all people?

“You have no idea how much I like you. I’ve had to pinch myself to not kiss you when you tell me to take my meds on time.” Your eyes widened at his words.

“I’ll make you happy I promise.” He whined as he toppled on to you. His legs had finally given out. You huffed and puffed as you dragged the 6 foot something man to your couch. After sending a quick text to Ijichi, you handed him a glass of water. “Ijichi will be here soon, sir.”

“No, no, no, don’t do this to me. Let me finish!” He began whining again. You sighed as you sat next to him. He took that as a sign and leaned his head against your shoulder. You didn’t have the energy to complain so you let him stay there. “You’re one of the only people who is honest with me. Everyone tells me what I want to hear but you tell me what I need to hear. Thank you.” You could hear him slur a few more confessions before he fell asleep.

You couldn’t help but think about how lonely it must have been to live life like that. To rely on your assistant because no one else seem trustworthy.

You would be lying to yourself if you said that Gojo didn’t provide you with any sense of companionship. But at the end of the day, he was your boss and you were just an employee. It was wrong and unethical.

So why are you letting him sleep on your shoulder?

Before you could stop yourself, your hand reached out to scratch his head. His hair feels softer than it looks (courtesy of all the hair treatments he invests in. You would know since you’re the one who schedules them). His arms suddenly wrap around you and you’re stuck in one position.

As wrong as it was, it felt like the two of you were destined to be this close to one another. The warmth his body gave you was like any other and you couldn’t help but enjoy the way his muscular arms fit around you.

“Just tonight.” You whispered to yourself, hoping that Ijichi would take his sweet time driving to your place.

-

The next day at work was the same as usual. You walked in, greeted Gojo, gave him his hangover medicine, he thanked you as he downed another large cup of coffee, told him about his plans for the day and you went back to your desk.

However, there was a certain shift in Gojo’s energy. He wasn’t directly looking at your face nor was he making the same flirty remarks he usually made. You had a feeling that Ijichi might have filled him in on the details from the previous night (you didn’t tell the man about Gojo confessing to you so you were hoping that Gojo himself didn’t remember anything).

And lucky for you, for the first time in a while, he hadn’t forced you to work during lunch. It was the perfect time to hand in your two weeks notice. He was away on some personal business and wouldn’t return until a couple hours later so you emailed him your resignation.

You walked into his office and left a white envelope.

An hour later, you could see all your colleagues rush into their work spaces. There was still half an hour left before lunch ended. “What’s going on?” You asked Ino Takuma from Logistics. “Gojo’s mad. I don’t know why but everyone’s scared because nobody has ever seen him like this.”

You had a feeling that it was because of you. A few minutes later, you could hear him stomp through the hallway toward your office. You immediately stood up and bowed to greet him.

“Good afternoon, si-“

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” His tone was sharp and his voice was deeper than usual.

“One minute I’m getting a suit fitted and the next I find out that you don’t want to work for me?” He sounded betrayed. You almost felt bad what you were doing but you knew you couldn’t handle the mental stress of working for him.

He grabbed your arm and dragged you to his office. Usually you’d be standing across his desk but he stood you in front of the panoramic window. “Look, I’m sorry for last night, that was wrong of me. Hell, I’ll never drink again. I might’ve accidentally told your address to the taxi driver because Ijichi picks you up all the time but I swear it won’t happen again.”

You inwardly breathed a sigh of relief. He didn’t remember.

“Do I not pay you enough?”

“It’s not that, sir.”

He started pacing around the office now.

“Are you getting married?”

“I don’t have the time to date, let alone get engaged.”

“I see, I see. Loan sharks after you? I can pay them off for you.”

“Sir, it is none of the reasons you have stated. It’s personal and I would like to start with the hiring process for your next assistant as soon as possible.”

“But why?! What’s so bad about me that you want to quit?” He whined and you were reminded of the previous night’s events.

“I don’t have enough time for myself because of this job. I’d like a break from the work force.” You reluctantly answer him. You knew he would keep pressing until you nudged so you decided to give him what he wanted anyway. His spoilt nature won again.

“I can just hire a second assistant, take all the vacation days you need and just come back to work.”

“Sir, that would be unfair and unethical.”

“You don’t get it, you’re the best I’ve ever had.” He said as he walked towards you. “I don’t think I’ll find anyone like you again.” For moment, it felt like he was saying what was in his heart. His big blue eyes were tantalizing to stare at. You could clearly see his pupils dilate. How could you not realize that he wanted you sooner?

However, you couldn’t let your heart tremble at his unintentional seduction so you used your most professional voice. “There are many dedicated individuals out there. And I’m sure I’ll find someone even more capable.” You smiled.

“Now, if you’ll excuse me. I have to compile a list of potential assistants.” You said as you walked past Gojo. His heart sunk as he saw you leave his office. He was going to find a way to keep you whether you liked it or not.

He immediately pulled out his phone and dialed the number of his best friend/lawyer.

“Gojo, you son of a bitch, wouldn’t you be able to date her if she resigned?” Gojo’s lawyer, Geto Suguru, said through the phone. The man had decided to use the law to keep you with him. “Yeah but, now is the easiest time for me to show her that I can take care of her! Find a way!” The lawyer groaned and hung up. He could only take so much of Gojo’s tantrums.

Gojo decided on the next best thing to dig deeper into the exact reason why you didn’t want to stay with him.

He walked out of his office and called you out. You got up in your seat and bowed to him. “You’re staying late today.” He commanded and went back into his office.

Great. Overtime.

-

You were sitting with your laptop on one of the couches in Gojo’s office while he was signing a few papers on his desk. You groaned because your back hurt from sitting in an uncomfortable position for hours on end.

“Get used to it. It’s gonna be like this for two weeks. I’m behind on a new acquisition.”

You ignored him. You had two weeks left till ultimate freedom so you didn’t want to sour your mood by clapping back.

A few minutes later, an agitated Gojo walked towards you and stood right in front of you, commanding attention. He was almost like a child when he wanted something. “Your boss is standing in front of you and you’re choosing to ignore him?”

“I’m doing what my boss wants me to do- work.” You failed at clapping back. So much for being at peace.

His hand pulled your laptop away and he put it on his desk. To say that you were annoyed was an understatement. You were sleep deprived, hungry, dehydrated, and in pain and this man wasn’t letting you cater to any of it.

He plopped himself next to you and folded his arms. Staring at you. You stared back at him. This moment felt like deja vu, reminding you of the night before.

“What are you gonna do once you leave the company?”

“Do you really care?”

“Yeah.”

“I want to start my own business. I have a lot of ideas but first I’m gonna look for space to rent.”

He chuckled to himself.

“Why are you laughing?”

“Because, my dear assistant, I own more than half the commercial spaces in this city. You will eventually be working for me anyway.”

Of course he did. Being such an influential man came with the perks of having so many properties. You were bound to run into him and you forgot to factor that in. And unfortunately enough, you didn’t have enough funds to move to another city.

You stood up. “I think I need some water.” But before you could leave Gojo’s office, he stood up and pinned your arms against a wall.

“Quit playing games with me, Y/N.” His hands moved down to your wrists and held them firmly. “You’re unbelievable. You’re never gonna leave me alone, are you?” You asked him.

“Darling, I know you want me too. I didn’t forget what happened last night. The way your hands moved against my hair said a lot.” His usual smirk was gone and he looked serious.

You couldn’t believe he manipulated you. Oh who were you kidding? You should’ve seen it coming.

“You’re an insufferable man. You’re spoilt, conniving, scheming, obsessive and-“ you couldn’t go on because Gojo planted his lips against yours.

At first you were angry. How could this man just shut you up with a kiss but a second later your body began reasoning with you as you leaned into him.

“And somehow you put up with this spoilt man, didn’t you? Working for him for years and seducing him so easily.” He whispered against your lips. You could only look away but he was quick to find your lips again, this time, taking his sweet time to enjoy the feeling. His mouth worked slowly against yours as he swallowed your moans. His tongue licked your bottom lip and he used his thumb to pull down your chin so he could explore your mouth.

His other hand went around your waist, pressing you further into him.

Your hands move from his chest to grab his face to pull away.

“This still doesn’t mean that I’m going to keep working as your assistant.” You breathe out.

“Works for me, no code of conduct violated.” He said as he stared down at your swollen lips. His ego swelled because he knew that he was the reason behind it.

You were starting to look forward to overtime.

-•-

Idk what I did with the ending 🗿

P.S. you cannot tell me this clip doesn’t scream Gojo

[itneverendshere]

hi again! so I've been meaning to send a request, but before i go about it I wish to say it's completely okay if you're not inspired by this, or if you simply don't want to write it, i would hate myself if I made you overwhelmed or smth. love you anyways 💕 so for the request: reader who's autistic. she's not very talkative nor socially active, never had a boyfriend, has one or two friends, yet somehow rafe notices her and finds her endearing. she's okay being herself with her friends, like she's funny, kind and passionate about her interests (like geek stuff, fantasy books, animals and such). she has zero flirting experience and is always dismissive towards rafe bc she doesn't think someone could like her romantically, and she's always suspicious of people bc they've wronged her in the past (in my experience as an autistic person i tend to believe everything ppl say and am kinda naive, so ppl played me or said unrealistic things and I believed them, which then is a reason for laughter, now I'm always suspicious to ppl's intentions). I'm giving you creative freedom with this, just wanted an autistic reader for once :) if you feel like writing it but need to know more abt autism, you can just post question and I'll answer in your asks, if that's okay. Just a reminder again before I go: feel free to decline this request, I know it might not be something cool to write and that's okay ☺️ love you lots, thank you for your time!

i tried my best, hope you like it 🫶🏼 and if you don't lmk so i can do better!! this was really fun since it's a compeltely new topic of inspiration. kinda left an "open" ending bc i couldn't make my mind up lmao. thank you for the resquest and sorry it took me a while to finally do it 🫂

got dreams but i can't make myself believe them - r.c

paring: rafe x autistic!reader word count: 6.9k

The party was a mistake. You knew it the moment you walked in, the thumping music and crush of people making your skin crawl. Your friends had been relentless, insisting that you needed to “get out more” and “live a little,” despite your repeated attempts to explain that “getting out” meant something different to you.

But somehow, you’d caved, and now you were standing awkwardly in the corner of a stranger’s living room, clutching your book like it was a life vest. You needed to stop letting them drag you everywhere.

It was the typical college party scene, at least the one's you'd heard or read about before. Red solo cups everywhere, groups of people huddled on couches or pressed together on the so called dance floor, and a few already-drunk guys yelling loudly in the kitchen.

This was supposed to be fun?

“Just stay for an hour,” they said. “If it’s really that bad, you can leave.”

Right. Except an hour felt like an eternity when you were trapped in a sensory nightmare. You took a deep breath, scanning the crowded room. There were people everywhere—laughing, dancing, chattering loudly in clumps—and the noise was a constant, overwhelming buzz in your ears.

This was definitely a mistake.

So, you did what you always did in these situations: you found a place to hide. After walking through the drunk college students, you eventually ended up on quiet nook near the back of the house. It was a small room, probably some sort of den or study. Blessedly, it was empty. With a sigh of relief, you settled into an oversized armchair, opened your book, and let the world outside your pages melt away.

Time slipped by as you read, the noise of the party changing into a distant hum. You were so engrossed that you didn’t even notice when someone stumbled into the room until a loud crash jolted you out of your fictional word. He nearly tripped over his own feet, catching himself at the last second with a slurred, “Shit.”

You looked up to find a guy standing unsteadily in the doorway, blinking blearily at you. He was tall, with tousled hair and a loose, easy grin that spoke of far too many drinks. His eyes were a striking blue even in the low light, and it took you a second to place him.

Rafe Cameron.

Oh, God. You knew him—well, of him, at least. He was in your sociology class, always sitting a few rows behind you with his gaggle of equally charming friends. He’d never spoken to you before, though, and you’d never had a reason to pay him much attention.

Until now.

Then his face split into a lazy grin, and he swaggered—no, stumbled—into the room, somehow managing to make even that look effortless.

“Heyyy,” he drawled, leaning heavily against the arm of the chair across from you. “It’s… it’s you.”

You blinked at him. “Me?”

“Yeah,” he slurred, squinting like he was trying to see you clearly. “T-The girl from my class. The quiet one.”

Your stomach did a weird flip, part confusion, part disbelief. “Okay?”

“Yeah.” He nodded sagely, as if you’d just confirmed some great truth. “You’re the uh, the smart one. With the books.” He gestured vaguely at the one in your hands. “Always sittin’ up front, all… all cute n'shit.”

Your cheeks burned. Was he seriously calling you cute? No. He was drunk—really drunk. He probably didn’t even know what he was saying.

“Do you need help?” you asked cautiously. “You look—”

“I’m fine,” he cut you off, straightening up as if to prove it, though the effect was somewhat ruined by the way he swayed on his feet. “Needed to get away from those idiots out there. Too many people.”

You almost laughed. Rafe Cameron, overwhelmed by people? The guy who was always surrounded by friends, girls practically draped over him like accessories? But he looked sincere—well, as sincere as a drunk person could look.

“Why don’t you sit down?” you suggested, gesturing to the empty chair. “You, um, might fall over if you don’t.”

“Pfft, I’m not gonna—” He paused mid-sentence, wobbling precariously. Then, as if he’d just made the smartest decision of his life, he plopped down in the chair, sprawling out like he owned the place.

“See? Told ya m'fine,” he said, flashing you a lopsided grin.

You couldn’t help but snort. “Right.”

He looked at you then, really looked at you, his gaze roaming over your face “What’re you doin’ here?” he asked abruptly.

You glanced at your book, then back at him. "Reading?”

“No, I mean… here,” he insisted, gesturing vaguely around the room. “At this shitty party.”

You shrugged, feeling awkward. “My friends dragged me. I didn’t really want to come.”

Rafe’s eyes narrowed thoughtfully, and for a moment, he looked almost sober. “Yeah, same.”

You raised an eyebrow. “Really?”

He smirked, a flash of the cocky, arrogant guy you’d seen in class. “Yeah, well… they’re fucking assholes, but they’re my assholes, y'know?”

You didn’t, but you nodded anyway. ��Sure.”

“So, what’s that book about?”

You hesitated. “Um… it’s a fantasy novel.”

“Fantasy, huh?” He tilted his head, eyeing the cover. “Like wizards and dragons n'shit?”

“Sort of,” you admitted. “It’s about a girl who finds out she has magic and goes on a quest to—”

“Save the world?” he finished with a mock-solemn expression.

“...Yeah,” you said, narrowing your eyes. “But it’s more complicated than that.”

“Bet it is,” he murmured, his gaze still fixed on you. “You’re really into that stuff, huh?”

You shifted uncomfortably. “Yeah. Why?”

He shrugged, his smirk softening into something that almost looked like genuine interest. “You looked happy, talkin’ about it.”

Your heart did another weird little flip, and you frowned, pushing the feeling down. He was drunk. This didn’t mean anything. He probably wouldn’t even remember it in the morning.

But then, his eyes drifted shut, his head lolling back against the chair. Within seconds, he was snoring. You sat there, stunned.

What the hell had just happened?

Three days later, you were sitting in your usual spot in the lecture hall, flipping through your notes. Class was about to start, and the room was filling up with the usual pre-lecture chatter. You were just getting settled when someone slid into the seat beside you.

You glanced up, expecting one of your friends. But it wasn’t.

It was Rafe.

“Hey, friend,” he said casually, like you hadn’t left him passed out at a party a few nights ago.

You stared at him, completely disoriented. “Hi?”

He grinned, leaning back in his chair like this was completely normal. “Didn’t think I’d forget about you, huh?”

Your eyes narrowed. “I… yeah, actually.”

Rafe’s grin widened, and he leaned in closer, “See, that’s where you’re wrong, princess,” he murmured. “I remember everything.”

Did he just give you a nickname?

Your stomach dropped. “What?”

“Yeah.” He crossed his arms, looking entirely too smug. “You, sitting there all cute with your book, talking about magic and shit. Thought I was too drunk to remember, huh?”

“I—” You stared at him, completely off balance. “Why are you here?”

“Because I want to be,” he said simply. “Got a problem with that?”

You blinked, caught off guard. “No?”

“Good.” He flashed you a grin, all cocky charm. “So, you gonna tell me more about that book, or what?”

You gaped at him. “You actually want to hear about it?”

“Why not?” he shot back, raising an eyebrow. “It made you smile.”

And for some reason, that simple statement knocked the breath out of you.

“Okay,” you said, still unsure if this was some kind of elaborate prank.

But Rafe just leaned back in his seat, eyes fixed on you like you were the most fascinating thing in the world.

“Yeah,” he murmured. “I think I’ll stick around.”

The next few classes were…weird, to say the least. Ever since Rafe decided you were his new "friend," he’d taken to sitting beside you every lecture, plopping down in the empty seat as if he’d been there all along. It was confusing. Most of the time, he’d breeze in at the last possible minute, sauntering up to your row without so much as a greeting and settling into the chair with that infuriatingly self-assured smirk.

You were already seated, your notebook open and your pen poised to start taking notes when he dropped into the seat beside you with his usual nonchalance. He stretched his long legs out in front of him, casting you a sidelong look as if daring you to acknowledge him first.

“Hi,” you said quietly, eyes flicking back to the front of the room.

“Hey, princess,” he replied, voice low and teasing.

You kept your gaze firmly on your notebook. You’d quickly learned that the best way to deal with him was to pretend his presence didn’t affect you—no matter how much his proximity messed with you.

He’d spent the last three classes nudging your foot under the desk, passing snide comments under his breath, or leaning over just close enough to murmur sarcastic observations about whatever the professor was droning on about. And today was no different.

The lecture started, Professor Callahan launching into her usual detailed overview of sociological theory. You tried to focus, pen flying across your notebook as you jotted down her points.

“Is she always this boring?” he whispered, leaning in slightly so his arm brushed against yours.

You stiffened, eyes fixed on your notes. “If you listened, it wouldn’t be so boring.”

He snorted. “Yeah, right. Like I’m gonna waste my time listening to her go on about… what is it today? Class structure?”

“Yes,” you hissed, refusing to look at him. “And if you don’t stop talking, I’m going to—”

“You’re going to what?” he challenged, his grin audible in his voice.

You snapped your mouth shut, trying to ignore the way his leg brushed against yours under the desk. He was doing it on purpose—nudging your knee every so often, shifting just a little closer until the faint scent of his cologne surrounded you. It was infuriating. And yet, when you glanced sideways at him, he was looking at you with that maddening, lazy grin that made your heart stutter.

“Just pay attention,” you mumbled, cheeks warm.

“Why would I do that when I have such a pretty view right here?”

Your head whipped around, eyes wide. “What?”

But Rafe just smirked, his gaze drifting lazily up and down your face before flicking back to the front of the room as if he hadn’t just made your brain short-circuit. 

“Relax, princess. Just messin' with you.”

You swallowed, trying to refocus on the lecture. His attention was like a physical thing—intense and all-consuming. It made you uneasy. 

Determined not to give him the satisfaction, you forced yourself to look at the professor, tuning out the heat of Rafe’s gaze. Professor Callahan was in the middle of explaining something about social hierarchies when she suddenly stopped mid-sentence.

“Mr. Cameron.”

The entire class fell silent.

You looked up, eyes widening in surprise as Professor Callahan fixed Rafe with a stern look. “I’m aware that I’m not as pretty as your classmate,” she said dryly, gesturing toward you, “but I would appreciate it if you could pay attention for at least ten minutes.”

A ripple of snickers spread through the room, and your cheeks flamed scarlet. Rafe, however, didn’t even blink, he was completely unruffled and offered the professor a lazy, arrogant smile. “Sorry, Professor. Just got a little distracted.”

Your stomach dropped. He was staring at you, unabashedly.

The professor raised an eyebrow. “I’m sure.” Her tone was dry, unimpressed. “Would you mind keeping your distractions to yourself until after class?”

Another murmur of laughter swept through the room, and you shrank in your seat, mortified. His smirk widened, but he leaned back in his chair, raising his hands in mock surrender.

“Of course, ma’am,” he drawled. “No more distractions.”

Professor Callahan gave him a pointed look, then turned back to the board, resuming her lecture. You sat there, face burning, refusing to look anywhere near Rafe, but you could feel his eyes on you.

“Guess I got you in trouble, huh?” he whispered, leaning closer.

You grit your teeth, still staring resolutely at the front of the room. “Stop talking.”

“Can’t help it,” he murmured, his voice teasing. “You’re way more interesting than this shit.”

“Rafe, I swear—”

“Okay, okay, I’ll behave,” he said lightly, sitting back. But he didn’t take his eyes off you. You could feel him lingering, warm and intent, and you wanted to scream. How was he so calm? So unaffected, like getting called out by the professor was just a minor inconvenience?

You hated every second of it.

“Rafe,” you hissed under your breath, finally daring to glance at him. “Will you just—”

“What?” He leaned in again, eyes bright with mischief. “You want me to go back to ignoring you?”

“Stop staring.”

He hummed thoughtfully. “Can’t promise that, princess.”

Your heart hammered, and you squeezed your pen so tightly it nearly snapped. “Why are you even here?”

He shrugged, his expression turning oddly serious. “I like sitting next to you.”

Rafe Cameron—the arrogant, cocky asshole you’d written off as nothing more than a nuisance—had just chosen to stay by your side.

As soon as class ended, you gathered your things in record time, heart still thumping wildly. The room buzzed with students shuffling out, but you kept your head down, hoping to slip away unnoticed.

Maybe if you were quick enough, you could escape before he decided to make good on his new, annoying habit of sticking to you like glue. But, of course, he was nothing if not persistent.

You’d barely slung your bag over your shoulder when he appeared at your side, his tall frame looming over you as he fell into step like it was the most natural thing in the world.

“Heading to lunch?” he asked, all casual charm, as if he hadn’t just spent the entire class making you the center of unwanted attention.

“Yes?” You tried not to sound as thrown as you felt, but the way he looked at you—with that infuriatingly lazy grin—told you he could see right through you.

“Cool. I’m starving.” He said it like it was an invitation, like he was entitled to follow you, and before you could muster up a half-hearted protest, he was already steering you through the crowded hallway.

“Wait, what are you doing?” you demanded, glancing around in panic. People were staring, eyes widening as they took in the sight of Rafe Cameron, of all people, trailing after you. Whispers flitted through the air, curious and disbelieving, and you shrank under the scrutiny, feeling painfully exposed.

“Uh, going to lunch with you?” He made it sound so obvious, his voice lilting with amusement.

“I didn’t invite you!” You glanced at him, trying to tamp down the fluttery, nervous feeling his presence always seemed to stir up. “What if I’m eating with someone else?”

He shrugged. “Then I’ll eat with them too.”

You gawked at him. “What?”

But Rafe just flashed you that cocky, confident grin. “Relax. It’s just lunch.”

Just lunch, he said, like this wasn’t completely absurd.

You narrowed your eyes, debating whether to make a break for it, but he was already steering you toward the main quad, his hand ghosting the small of your back in a way that made your skin tingle. 

Your heart hammered as the familiar outdoor seating area came into view. Your friends were already there, sitting at your usual table—a small group of two girls and a guy, all talking animatedly. You hadn’t even sat down yet, and they still managed to look up as one, their expressions morphing from curious to shocked when they caught sight of you—and Rafe—heading straight toward them.

“Uh, hey,” you greeted awkwardly as you approached. They just stared, mouths agape.

Emily was the first to recover. “What the—since when do you two know each other?” she asked, eyes darting between you and Rafe like she was seeing some kind of glitch in the matrix.

“Yeah, what’s going on here?” Max, the guy in your small circle, chimed in, his gaze flicking to Rafe warily. “Is this, like… a project thing?”

“No, it’s not—” you started, but Rafe cut you off with a breezy smile.

“Can’t believe y’all kept her to yourselves this whole time,” he drawled, pulling out the chair beside yours and plopping down like he’d done it a thousand times before. “Thought you’d have the decency to introduce me to the most interesting girl on campus.”

Your friends gaped, eyes wide with shock. You could practically see their brains short-circuiting. Meanwhile, you were fighting the urge to smack him upside the head.

“Please shut up,” you muttered under your breath, cheeks burning.

But he just smirked, his gaze sliding over your stunned friends with lazy amusement. “What?” he said innocently. “It’s true.”

“What the hell is happening right now?” Emily demanded, still staring at you like you’d grown a second head. “You—you and Rafe Cameron?”

You sighed, already regretting every life choice that had led you to this moment. “There is no ‘me and Rafe Cameron.’ He just—he’s being annoying.”

“Annoying?” he repeated, feigning offense. “C’mon. I thought we were past that.”

“We are not past anything,” you snapped, shooting him a glare. But that only seemed to amuse him more.

“Okay, back up,” Max interjected, brow furrowed in confusion. “How do you guys even know each other?”

“Uh, sociology class?” you offered weakly, as if that explained anything. “He’s been sitting next to me.”

“Sitting next to you?” Emily repeated slowly, like she was trying to process a particularly difficult equation. “And now you’re… eating lunch together?”

“It’s not—” You looked helplessly at Rafe, who was watching the exchange with that insufferable smirk. “I didn’t ask him to.”

He looked completely unfazed by the mess he’d caused. “What can I say? I like the company.”

“Since when?” Emily shot back, clearly unconvinced.

Rafe shrugged, “Since she started talking to me.”

Your friends fell silent, eyes wide and suspicious as they turned to you, searching for answers. But you just sat there, feeling utterly, hopelessly lost. What were you supposed to say? That Rafe Cameron had decided, out of nowhere, to insert himself into your life? That he was following you to lunch like this was some sort of normal occurrence?

“Look,” you sighed, pinching the bridge of your nose. “It’s really not a big deal. He’s just—”

“Rafe Cameron is never ‘just’ anything,” Emily interrupted, folding her arms as she fixed Rafe with a suspicious look. “So what are you up to?"

“Nothing,” Rafe said easily, his smile all sharp edges. “Like I said, I’m just getting to know her.”

“Getting to know her,” Max echoed, clearly skeptical.

“Yeah.” Rafe’s eyes never left yours, his eyes gleaming with something that made your pulse flutter. “What’s so weird about that?”

Your friends exchanged looks. You didn’t blame them. This was weird. More than weird. You’d never been the kind of girl to attract attention—especially not from someone like Rafe. Popular, arrogant, and completely out of your league in every possible way. And yet, here he was, acting like sitting with you at lunch was the most natural thing in the world.

“So,” He said suddenly, turning his attention back to the group, “Are you gonna sit here gaping all day, or are we gonna eat?”

Emily blinked, snapping out of her daze. “Uh, yeah, we’re… we’re eating.”

“Good.” Rafe turned to you, eyebrow raised. “You eating, princess?”

You stared at him, “I—yes?”

“Cool. Want me to grab you something?”

You stared at him, incredulous. “You’re offering to get me lunch?”

He rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I am. Now, what do you want?”

“I—” You swallowed, glancing at your friends, who were watching the exchange like it was some sort of bizarre performance. “Um, a sandwich?”

“Got it.” Rafe pushed to his feet, his smile smug. “Be right back.”

And then, to your utter disbelief, he sauntered off toward the food line, leaving you and your friends staring after him.

“What,” Max said slowly, “the hell just happened?”

You groaned, burying your face in your hands. “I have no idea.”

The awkward lunch with Rafe didn’t end as badly as you expected.

Your friends had spent the entire time shooting you confused, bewildered looks, while he seemed to thrive under their scrutiny, lounging beside you like he belonged. He didn’t flirt—thank God—but he didn’t exactly tone down his usual cocky self either. By the end of it, he’d somehow managed to charm your friends just enough to leave them confused rather than outright hostile. Still, after that lunch, you’d expected him to lose interest, to move on to his usual crowd and forget all about his bizarre little experiment. But of course, he wasn’t known for playing by the rules.

You learned that the hard way two days later.

It was late afternoon, and you were holed up in the campus library, buried under a mountain of textbooks and notes for an upcoming exam. The library was your sanctuary—quiet, calm, and blissfully free of distractions. At least, until Rafe sauntered in. You didn’t notice him at first, too absorbed in your notes. The library was busy, students murmuring as they worked, the rustle of pages and the faint clack of keyboards filling the air. You were hunched over a particularly dense passage in your sociology textbook when you felt it—

You stiffened, glancing up cautiously, and there he was.

He leaned against the bookshelf a few feet away, his eyes fixed on you with a lazy, assessing look. He didn’t move, just watched you, his lips quirking in that infuriating smirk when your eyes met.

“What are you doing here?” you hissed, glancing around nervously. No one seemed to be paying attention, but you still felt like the entire room was suddenly staring.

“Studying,” he said, straight-faced.

“Since when do you study in the library?”

“Since now,” he said easily, pushing off the bookshelf and strolling over to your table. He pulled out the chair across from you, dropping into it like he had every right to be there. “What? Can’t a guy broaden his horizons?”

You stared at him, incredulous. “You’re joking.”

“Not today, princess.” He leaned forward, resting his chin in his hand as he peered at your open book. “So, what’re we learning?”

“We are not learning anything,” you muttered, eyes narrowing. “I’m studying. You are… I don’t know what you’re doing.”

“Keeping you company,” he said simply. “You looked lonely.”

Your mouth fell open. “Lonely?”

“Yeah.” He tilted his head, his gaze sweeping over your face. “All holed up in here with your books. Thought I’d help.”

What was he even talking about? This was insane. He didn’t just hang out in the library, especially not to “keep someone company.” He was the kind of guy who spent his free time at parties, or on the field, or wherever people like him thrived. And yet, here he was, sitting across from you in the library like this was normal.

“Rafe,” you said slowly, “you don’t even know what I’m studying.”

He shrugged. “Doesn’t matter.”

“It does if you’re trying to help,” you shot back, frustration seeping into your voice. “You’re—what are you even—”

“Okay, okay,” he interrupted, raising his hands in mock surrender. “Calm down. Just trying to see what’s got you all riled up.”

You bit back a groan, rubbing your temples. This was absurd. You didn’t need—didn’t want—his attention.

“Fine,” you muttered, turning your textbook around so he could see the page. “I’m going over Durkheim’s theory of social integration.”

Rafe leaned in, squinting at the page. “Durkheim, huh?”

“Yes,” you said, a little impatiently. “He believed that society functions through a collective conscience—shared beliefs and values that bind people together.”

“Sounds boring as hell,” Rafe said bluntly.

“It’s not boring,” you retorted before you could stop yourself. “It’s actually really interesting—he argued that a lack of social integration could lead to anomie, a state of normlessness that causes people to feel disconnected and isolated.”

Rafe stared at you for a long moment, his expression unreadable. At least it felt that way to you.

“What?” you demanded, suddenly self-conscious. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

He shrugged, a strange, thoughtful smile tugging at his lips. “Just… you get really into this stuff, don’t you?”

Your cheeks flushed. “It’s sociology. It’s important.”

“Yeah, but…” He shook his head, “It’s kinda cute.”

You blinked, your brain short-circuiting. “Cute?”

“Yeah.” He leaned back, crossing his arms as he regarded you with a casual, easy confidence that made your heart flutter. “You get all intense when you talk about it. Like, you actually care.”

“I—I do care,” you stammered, “It’s my major.”

“I know,” he murmured. “I like that about you.”

What—what was that supposed to mean? Why was he looking at you like that, like he actually meant it?

Before you could even begin to untangle your thoughts, a shadow fell over the table, and you glanced up to see another student standing there—a tall, lanky guy with dark hair and glasses. He looked vaguely familiar, probably from one of your classes.

“Uh, hey,” the guy said awkwardly, glancing between you and Rafe. “Are—are you using this seat?”

Rafe’s expression changed instantly, “Yeah,” he said flatly. “We are.”

The guy blinked, taken aback. “Oh, uh, sorry, I just—”

“You just can find another table,” Rafe cut in, “We’re a little busy here.”

You gaped at him, mortified. “Rafe, stop.”

But he didn’t even glance at you. He just kept staring down the poor guy, his posture tense and unyielding until, with a muttered apology, the student backed off, scurrying away like he’d just had a close encounter with a predator.

“What the hell was that?” you hissed as soon as the guy was out of earshot. “He just wanted to sit down!”

“Yeah, and we’re studying,” Rafe said dismissively. “No room for distractions.”

“We’re not studying anything!” you shot back, resisting the urge to smack him. “You’re just sitting here, being—being weird.”

“Not weird,” he corrected, leaning in again. “Protective.”

You froze, your mouth going dry. “Protective?”

“Yeah.” His eyes were dark, intense, locking onto yours. “Can’t have just anyone bothering you, can I?”

After the bizarre encounter in the library, you were convinced Rafe would drop this whole… whatever it was. Surely, following you to lunch and then “protecting” you in the library was enough.

So when you found yourself at another party two nights later—dragged along by Emily despite your vehement protests—you knew it was only a matter of time before he found you. Because somehow, no matter where you went, Rafe had made it his mission to seek you out.

“Come on, you need to have some fun,” Emily had insisted, half-pulling, half-dragging you through the front door of one of the fraternity houses on campus. The music was already blaring, the heavy bass vibrating through your body. People were packed in the main room, laughing, talking, drinking, the buzz of chatter filling the air.

“This isn’t my idea of fun,” you muttered, hugging your arms around yourself as you tried to avoid brushing against the partygoers. It wasn’t that you disliked parties, exactly—it was just that the noise, the sheer volume of people could get overwhelming quickly.

“Just stay for an hour,” Emily pleaded. “Please? I swear it’ll be more fun than you think. We can dance, have a few drinks—”

“I don’t dance,” you cut in flatly, giving her a pointed look.

“Okay, fine, I’ll dance, and you… can hang out and people-watch,” she amended, undeterred. “Besides, who knows? Maybe you’ll meet someone.”

You gave her a withering stare. “Yeah, because I’m such a social butterfly.”

You sighed, resigned to your fate, and began making your way through the press of bodies. After a few minutes you managed to find a relatively quiet corner in the back, near the stairs, and gratefully leaned against the wall. Maybe if you stayed out of sight long enough, Emily would give up on trying to get you to socialize and let you leave early. It was a long shot, but you could hope.

You hadn’t been there long when you felt it—the now-familiar prickling sensation of someone’s gaze lingering on you. Sure enough, when you glanced up, there he was.

Rafe, in all his infuriating glory, leaning against the wall a few feet away, his eyes locked on you with that lazy focus that made your heart stutter. He looked unfairly good, dressed in a dark button-up that clung to his frame in all the right ways, his hair tousled just enough to look effortlessly cool. And, as usual, he was watching you like you were the only person in the room.

You narrowed your eyes at him, your stomach twisting in irritation and something else. “Are you stalking me now?” you demanded, crossing your arms as you glared at him.

Rafe’s lips curved into a slow, teasing smile. “Would it be so bad if I was?”

“Yes,” you said flatly. “It would be very bad.”

He chuckled, the sound low, sending an unwelcome shiver down your spine. “Relax, princess. I just saw you standing here all alone and thought I’d come say hi.”

“Hi,” you muttered, your voice dripping with sarcasm. “Now you can leave.”

But he didn’t budge. Instead, he straightened, pushing off the wall and closing the distance between you in a few long strides until he was standing directly in front of you, his presence overwhelming.

You tried to step back, but the wall blocked your escape.

“Actually, I was thinking we could, I don’t know, hang out for a bit?” he suggested, tilting his head as he regarded you with a faux-innocent smile.

“Why?” you blurted out before you could stop yourself.

Rafe blinked, seemingly taken aback by the question. “Why?”

“Yes,” you insisted, frustration bubbling up inside you. “Why do you keep… doing this? Showing up, sitting with me, following me to lunch, acting like—like we’re friends or something. What is your deal, Cameron?”

Slowly he reached up, bracing one hand on the wall beside your head, leaning in so close you could feel the warmth of his breath against your skin.

“My deal,” he murmured, his voice low and smooth, “is that I like you.”

No. No, no, no.

That couldn’t be right. People didn't just like you. They tolerated you, maybe, or found you useful sometimes, but they didn't like you. Not like that. Not in the way he was implying. You felt panic rising in your chest, like a wave that was too big to stop. You couldn’t stop it.

“You’re lying,” you said shakily, shaking your head in disbelief. “You’re just—this is some kind of game, isn’t it? Some—some bet, or—”

Rafe’s expression tightened, his jaw clenching. “It’s not a game,” he ground out, his eyes flashing. “I wouldn’t do that to you.”

You swallowed hard, your chest aching. No, this couldn’t be happening. This didn’t make sense.

“I don’t believe you,” you shook your head stubbornly.

His eyes narrowed, “No?”

“No,” you repeated, crossing your arms defiantly. “You’re just… you. You can’t just decide you like me out of nowhere.”

“I didn’t decide,” he murmured, “It just happened.”

Your breath hitched, your heart racing. Why was he doing this to you? Why couldn’t he just leave you alone?

“I—” You broke off, struggling to find words, but before you could answer, a loud voice interrupted.

“Yo, Rafe! There you are, man!”

You both jerked back, startled, and you glanced over to see one of Rafe’s friends—Topper, if you remembered correctly—stumbling over, a wide grin plastered across his face.

“What are you doing back here?” Topper slurred, his gaze sliding to you. He blinked, “Who’s this?”

Rafe stepped in front of you slightly, his posture tense and protective. “Doesn’t matter,” he said curtly, “Go find someone else to bother.”

Topper blinked, taken aback. “Whoa, man, chill. I was just—”

“Go,” Rafe repeated, his tone brooking no argument.

Topper stared at him for a long moment, then slowly backed off, muttering under his breath as he disappeared into the crowd. As soon as he was gone, Rafe turned back to you, his eyes softening again.

“Sorry about that,” he murmured, “Didn’t mean to—”

“Why did you do that?” you cut in, your heart still pounding.

Rafe frowned. “Do what?”

“Get rid of him,” you said, shaking your head in confusion. “He was your friend. Why would you—”

Maybe you’d misread him. Maybe he didn’t actually mean any of what he said. He was probably just bored, looking for some amusement—another toy to play with for a little while.

“I wanted to talk to you. Not him.”

You blinked, bewildered. “But he’s your friend.”

He gave a half-hearted shrug. “So? Doesn’t mean I want him interrupting us.”

Us. Like there was an “us.” Like there could ever be an “us.”

You shook your head, trying to clear the fog of confusion. “But I don’t understand,” you mumbled. “I don’t get it. You don’t even know me.”

“I know enough,” he said quietly, his eyes holding yours in a way that made it hard to breathe. “More than you think.”

You frowned. It was impossible to shake the nagging feeling that he was just… playing with you. That this was all some sick joke and at any moment, the punchline would hit, and you’d be the idiot.

“You’re just messing with me,” you muttered, taking a small step back to put some space between you. “You’re bored or something.”

“I’m not bored,” he said firmly, stepping forward to close the gap you’d just created. “I told you, I wouldn’t do that.”

“I didn’t ask for any of this. You’ve been following me around, showing up where I am, saying all these things like—like we’re something, but we’re not.”

Rafe stepped closer, his eyes narrowing as he looked at you, as if he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “What are you talking about? You really think I’m just messing around?”

“Yes!” you practically shouted, throwing your hands up. “Yes, I do! Why else would you be doing this? You’re Rafe Cameron, for god’s sake. You don’t even like me. This is just some twisted game to you, isn’t it?”

You stared at him, trying to read his face, trying to find any hint of dishonesty, any sign that this was all an act. But all you saw was that same intensity, that same focus, like you were the only person who mattered.

Your chest tightened, panic grazing at you. This wasn’t right. It couldn’t be. People didn’t just… like you. They didn’t seek you out at parties or show up in libraries to talk about sociology. Guys like Rafe didn’t choose people like you. There had to be some ulterior motive.

“You show up out of nowhere, act like I’m some project, some… someone who needs your protection—why, Rafe? Because I don’t fit into your world? Because I’m some joke to you and your friends?”

“That’s not it,” He growled, his voice defensive. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I don’t know what I’m talking about?” you scoffed, shaking your head. “You haven’t been honest about anything. You haven’t given me a reason to believe any of this.”

“You think I’m lying? 

You moved your head again, harder this time. “That doesn’t make sense. You’re—you’re saying things that don’t make sense. I don’t understand.”

He took a slow, poising breath, his eyes never leaving yours. "What doesn't make sense to you?" 

"All of this," you replied, your voice quivering with frustration, "You, acting like you—like you actually care. Like you see me. People don’t just do that, not for someone like me. I don’t—" You cut yourself off, not sure how to finish the sentence, your thoughts spiraling.

It wasn’t just that you couldn’t believe him; it was that you didn’t know how to believe him. Your experiences had taught you to be wary, to always look for the catch, because there always was one.

Always.

Rafe's brows drawn together in something that almost looked like concern. "Someone like you?" he repeated, "What does that even mean?"

You swallowed, feeling your insecurities gripping down on your chest. "It means I’m not… like you. I don’t know how to talk to people, I don’t get things right all the time. People don’t notice me, and when they do, it’s usually because I’ve done something wrong, or because they want something from me. That’s just how it is."

He shook his head slowly. "That’s not how I see you."

You opened your mouth to argue, to say something—anything—to dismiss what he was saying, to protect yourself from the disappointment that was sure to come. But Rafe didn’t give you the chance. 

"You think I’m messing with you because you’re not like everyone else? Is that it? You think I’m playing some kind of game because you don’t fit into some stupid idea of who’s supposed to matter?" 

You wanted to pull away, to recoil into the safety of your doubts, but something in his voice, in the way he was looking at you, made you stop.

"I’m not going to pretend like I know everything about you," Rafe continued, no less serious. "But I know enough to know that I’m not bored. I don’t care if you don’t fit in with my world, or whatever you think that means. I like that you’re passionate about the things you care about. I like that you don’t put up with anyone’s shit—not even mine." A small, almost self-deprecating smile tugged at the corner of his lips. "I’ve spent enough time around fake people to know the difference."

You weren’t used to this—this kind of sincerity. It felt too real. And part of you still wanted to push it away, to reject it before it had a chance to hurt you. But another part of you—a much smaller, quieter part—was whispering that maybe he meant it.

"Why me?"

"Because you're you," he said simply, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. 

For a long, breathless moment, the two of you just stood there, the noise of the party fading into the background. Your mind was still processing everything, but there was something in the way he was looking at you, something that made you feel—just for a second—like maybe you could trust this.

You shook your head, "I’m not… I’m not good at this," you admitted, your voice uncertain. "At understanding what people mean, or knowing if they’re being serious or not. I don’t know how to read you."

Rafe’s eyes softened even more at your confession, and he took a deep breath, like he was trying to figure out how to make you believe him. "I get that," he said quietly. "And I’m not always great at this either. But I’m serious. I wouldn’t lie to you, especially not about this."

You wanted to believe him. More than anything, you wanted to believe him. But there was still that tiny voice of doubt in the back of your mind, reminding you of all the times you’d been wrong before, of all the times you’d trusted someone only to be let down.

You hesitated, your throat tight. "I don’t know if I can."

He didn’t push, didn’t demand anything from you. Instead, he just nodded slowly.

"That’s okay. You don’t have to believe me right now. But I’ll be here when you’re ready."

And with that, he stepped back, giving you the space you so desperately needed. He didn’t try to force anything, didn’t press for more. Instead, he just gave you a small, almost hopeful smile and turned, disappearing back into the crowd.

And as you stood there, your heart still pummeling into your ribs, you couldn’t help but wonder if you’d been wrong about him after all.

[gyuvision]

strawberry soju -> [back to masterlist?]

pairing : exes to ?? hong seunghan x fem reader

contains -> : drinking, mention of alcohol/being drunk

wc : 0.9k

preview ! - your drunken ex boyfriend calls you up out of nowhere, leaving him under your care for the night when he doesnt want you to go.

continue? ⬇️

you groaned at the sound of your phone buzzing once again. after all, it really does get annoying when its been 3 minutes and 7 missed calls.

“who could be calling so late? 10pm on a friday..”

setting down the ramen cup and pausing your favorite show, you swipe to accept the call, holding the phone up to your ear without checking the caller id. “hello? whos this?”

“y/nniee? that you?” the person slurred.

you knew that voice all too well, you didn’t even have to look at the contact name. “seunghan.” you sighed.

“you finally answered.” he exclaimed. you could practically hear his stupid smile.

“been drinking again?” you said, already knowing by his tone of voice.

“just.. a little tipsy..”

“are you-” you were cut off by someone elses voice.

“sorry y/n. he had a lot to drink.” eunseok joined in. “you mind getting seunghan? i know its.. awkward still. but my parents are supposed to go out soon, and i don’t want to leave my brother by himself.”

“hes sooo drunk that he seems to think you’re still together. he’s been asking for you all night!” sungchan snickered somewhere in the background.

“uh.. send me your location then? i guess its fine just this once. he wont even remember it in the morning.”

so you found yourself driving to a well known local restaurant to pick up your ex boyfriend. even though it was your choice, you couldnt help but wonder why you were doing this.

and you also couldn’t help but feel bad at the thought of seunghan being so drunk to the point he still thinks you’re dating.

“y/n, over here!” sungchan called out to you as you entered the building.

“wheres eunseok?”

“you just missed him. he had to go because he’s too worried about his brother.”

“my y/n! you’re here!” seunghan squealed going to pull you into a tight hug.

you awkwardly pat his head in return instead of hugging back. though you couldn’t say that you didn’t miss his touch.

sungchan helped you both to the car before he took off as well.

“god you smell like.. like, strawberry soju?” you exclaimed. “you really reek of alcohol. how much did you drink?”

seunghan replied by holding up 9 fingers, a lazy smile across his face and his eyes closed, with his cheeks a bright pink. “9 shots?” you scoffed as you set course for seunghans house.

“babyy.” seunghan whined. “im not your baby.” “you’ll always be my baby.” he teased back.

you sighed as you rubbed your forehead in frustration. “what do you want?”

“aircon please. i feel hot.” he mumbled as he tugged at the collar of his shirt.

you sank into your seat after turning on the air conditioning, putting up with how cold you were so he could feel better. after all, he was a bit of a liability right now though.

you walked up to seunghans apartment with him leaning into your shoulder while he had one arm around you for support.

“whats your code?” you asked, opening his keypad as you assumed he changed the password after your break up.

“same as always. your birthday. i would never change it.”

you’d be lying if you said your heart didn’t soften even in the slightest.

after changing seunghans shirt for him then getting him tucked into the sheets, you went to get up to get ready and go home before he pulled you back into the bed with him.

“please dont go.” he whispered as he wrapped his arms around you, burying his head into your neck with a small whine.

“but didn’t you think that we..” “nah. just wanted to believe that we were. feel more confident when i’m that drunk.”

“im sorry.”

“why did you leave me?”

though seunghan had said some crazy things that night, nothing would’ve prepared you for that.

“seunghan..”

“i dont care about it anymore then. just dont leave me again. even if its only for today.”

you turned around in his grasp to press a light kiss into his forehead. “promise.”

you decided, maybe it wouldnt be so bad to spend the night. you realize you wouldnt mind being happy with seunghan again even if it meant that he wouldnt remember any of it.

‘but might as well, cause i cant help myself.’ [1:36]

..

‘i dont ever wanna know how it feels to not have you, my strawberry soju.’ [1:51]

[bravo4iscool]

hey hun!! i had a request idea i thought you might like <3

i loveeeee the idea of simon flirting with chubby!reader at a bar and eventually bringing them home. they start to fool around, and he brings them to his bedroom. reader suddenly flicks the lights off and simon is like ‘pardon? you don’t want me to see how gorgeous you are?’ :(( Simon turns the lights back on and makes sure reader knows they never need to turn the lights off with someone who *really* wants to be with them <3

i fainted when i first read this. THIS IS AMZING AND SO HIM, OH MY GOD AHHHHWIAZVZAUJSZAWWD.

before y‘all read this i just wanna say that i‘ve never written smut or anything (only suggestive stuff), so i‘m sorry if this maybe doesn‘t hit as hard as it should😭 i‘m still tryna pass that threshold when writing anything dirty lol.

i changed the os a bit from what the requests said but the message is still the same (i hope), so i hope you’re not too mad at me😅

fem!reader or afab!reader, strangers to lovers, one night stands, chubby!reader, insecure!reader, flirting, confident as fuck!simon, light smut (?), definitely suggestive

i’m not really happy with this but i hope you like it anyways😭 also, english isn’t my first language and i’m a virgin so, please don’t expect too much lol :)

(masterlist)

taglist - @comeonatmebruh, @yazminetrahan

REQUESTS/ASKS OPEN!!!

It was supposed to be a normal night out. You would accompany your friend and watch her get wasted, only being there to drive her home if needed. Most of the time however she found someone to go home to. You didn‘t. You just sat in the booth or at the bar, watching all the pretty girls shoot their shot.

But apparently today wasn‘t like usual. There was this man, fucking huge and build like a fridge, watching you. At first you thought he was watching your friend, like most man but even when she left he kept looking at you.

It made you uncomfortable. Really uncomfortable. He probably was just making fun of you with his friend. You were the only plus size person in the whole bar, so of course there would be at least one person making fun of you. Looks like he was the one today.

You glance at him for a couple more seconds before you decide to shake your head and concentrate on watching your friend. She was throwing down shot after shot and you were starting to get worried. Yes, she occasionally drank but never to that extent.

„Ey,“ the bartender almost yells at you over the music, pushing a cocktail towards you. You frown, shaking your head.

„I didn’t order anything.“

„I know, but he did,“ he points his head in the direction of a table and when you turn to look which table you’re met with the eyes of the mysterious man. You slightly tilt your head when he smirks at you, raising his eyebrows. You blink at him before you turn around again and take the drink.

„Tell him thank you,“ you smile at the bartender but he just shakes his head.

„I think you can do that yourself.“ He looks behind you and you turn around once again, seeing the man walk towards you. And now that he was standing at his full height you could see how massive he really was. Holy fuck, you thought. What in the world do you need to do to become that broad.

“Evenin’” he greets you as he sits down beside you, his voice gruff and deep. You smile at him with a nod, a bit confused. “You alone ‘ere?” He looks at you and you feel like you’re drowning in those eyes.

“No,” you hesitatingly say, glancing at your friend who totally randomly made her way over to you now. “I’m with her,” you force a smile as she starts to cling to you, obviously trying to flirt with him but he keeps his eyes on you.

“Ya like the drink?” His eyes wander towards your hands, playing with the rim of the glass.

“I…haven’t tried it yet.”

“Well, then maybe ya should,” he smirks. You feel blood rushing into your cheeks and your hand lifts to taste the drink when you’re interrupted by a voice.

“Hey,” your friend slurs, latching herself onto the man’s arm and batting her eyelashes at him. “You free tonight?” she i’m wants to know and you feel a knot forming in your stomach.

This was supposed to be your moment, not hers. He bought you a drink, not her.

You start fiddling with your fingers, your gaze darting around anywhere but him. Of course she would destroy this moment. She wouldn’t let you have anything would she?

“Not free t’night,” he answers, carefully pushing her off. “Hopefully,” he adds and you raise your gaze. He stares at you.

Your friend chuckles and you grimace. “You shouldn’t let her wait any longer,” you force another smile. “You can take her home.”

He tilts his head. “I bought ya a drink. Not ‘er.” That surprised you. This would be the first time someone really was interested in you and not…her. Normally you were the plan b when they couldn’t reach her. They were going through you. You expected the same of him.

And that was exactly how you and that man, his name was Simon, ended up in his hallway, making out like an inexperienced teenager couple.

Your breath is heavy as he pushes you against your door; the one you two barely made it through.

“Been watchin’ ya all night long,” he mumbles against your lips, his hands wandering over your body and squeezing your hips and waist. “Ya too good lookin’ t’ just be left alone.”

A small moan escapes your lips and you let your head fall back against the door. This was almost too much for you. When was the last time someone took you home? Lord knows when…

“Gon’ make ya feel pretty good, yea?” You can feel him smirk against your skin as he places kiss after kiss on your neck.

“Simon,” you gasp when he finds your weak spot, your knees starting to wobble. Your hands reach out for him, trying to steady yourself. That makes him smirk even more.

Oh, the power he already had over you…

Your head is dizzy and your vision almost blurry when he drags you along into his bedroom, an unknown heat pooling in your lower stomach.

You fall onto his bed like you were always meant to and your eyes widen as he crawls over you, his lips finding your as if you’d known him for years.

Your hands make their way over his shoulder to his neck, pulling him closer to you and arching your back. You need something- him.

A breathy moan rolls over your lips when he starts to unbutton your blouse and you’re afraid your heart might jump out of your chest.

His eyes are glued to your body, taking in every single curve, every single stretch mark; anything he can manage to engrave into his brain.

“Lookin’ so pretty, all f’r me,” he whispers, starting to plant kisses all over your body, which only fuels the heat in your lower body. You arch your back again, shuddering against his hands.

“Simon,” you whimper, closing your eyes for a brief second.

“Yea Sweetheart?” he chuckles, glancing up at you. His hands start to travel over your body up to your shoulders to push off your blouse. And that was the moment you felt your insecurity washing over you.

Your breath gets caught in your throat and your start to squirm. Why were you doing this right now? He couldn’t possibly really be attracted to you, could he? Did he even really look at you?

“Simon,” you say his name again, looking at him, your eyes slightly blown.

“Yes, Love?” He stops what he’s doing immediately, carefully straightening up again. “Wha‘ is it? Ya want t’ stop?” He carefully cups your cheek, trying to read your face. Did he do something wrong?

You hesitate a second before you look at him. “Can we…turn the light off?” you carefully ask, feeling exposed under his harsh but at the same time soft gaze.

“Why’s that?” He tilts his head, clearly confused. He wants to look at and admire you. So, why turn the light off? “Ya not insecure, are ya?”

You feel yourself blush at that question, trying to hide your belly with your arms but he’s faster. He gently wraps his calloused hands around your wrists and pulls your arms away. “Non’ of that, Love. Wanna see ya,” he mumbles, leaning down to kiss you again.

“How long ‘as it been since ya been with someone?” he wants to know, once again making his way down your neck.

“I…don’t know,” you stutter, swallowing. “Maybe three or, or four years.” You feel ashamed of this confession, being afraid he might laugh at you and maybe think you were pathetic but he does nothing of that.

He only pulls back from you, his eyes never leaving yours. “These men around ya must be blind f’r sure,” he shakes his head. “They g’t a whole ass mean in front of ‘em but they be just lookin’ past it.”

He now fully pulls back until he’s resting on his knees and pulls his shirt off. “Y’know why I bought ya that drink?” he asks, a smirk back on his face, and you hesitantly shake your head.

He leans down, kissing down your collar bones towards your breasts. “Bought ya that damn thing because I couldn’t get me eyes off of ya.” His mouth is vibrating against you skin as he chuckles.

A moan gets stuck in your throat and you feel your body start to tremble when he starts to pull your upper body up to strip off your blouse and bra.

“These hips were almost hypnotising t’me.” His mouth starts to get dangerously close to your breasts when he gently lays you down again. “And ya curves are what I dream of at night.”

His tongue starts to circle one of your nipples and your hands grip the sheets. How were you supposed to think straight when he was playing with your body and mind like that?

“Wouldn’t ‘ave brought ya home if I didn’t want t’ see ya.” Simon’s hand wander down your body, ready to unbutton your jeans while he glances up at you, feasting on your lustful expression.

“Ya fucking gorgeous, Love. Ya don’t need t’ hide that.” His hand slips into your panties, a smirk playing on his lips when he feels how wet you are.

When your feel Simon’s fingers slip through your folds you can’t bite back that moan. You arch your back; your insecurities long forgotten. “Simon,” you stutter, your hands once again gripping the sheets. “Please,” you whine, not even knowing what you’re asking for.

He chuckles against your skin, carefully pushing one finger in. “Look a’ ya already fallin’ apart f’r me. Beggin’ f’r me.”

You feel like you’re officially in heaven, not even noticing how he pulls the rest of your clothes off, pushing your legs apart. “Gon’ show ya how a real man should treat ya,” he promises before he goes down on you.

And god, that man was eating you out like a man almost starved to death. He holds you down by your hips, chuckling when you try to squirm away from him, too overwhelmed by the waves of pleasure that were crashing over you.

“Simon- Simon…” you feel tears glistening in your eyes. “Fu-fuck,” you cry out, your hand unconsciously reaching for his head, pulling on the dirty blond strands.

He moans against you clit, his grip around your thighs tightening. “Do that again Love. Do it again.” And you do. You pull his hair again fully unaware of the fact that his cock was throbbing in his pants, almost hurting.

But he wouldn’t focus on his pleasure, no. He would only focus on you; showing you how a real man should treat someone like you.

[apute11as]

Jealousy is a disease - Alexia putellas x reader (smut)

Summary: Alexia getting jealous of you and other people, so showing you who you really belong to!

⚠️Warnings: sub/dom dynamic, kinda abuse (but it’s basically consensual if that makes sense as in it’s not intended for harm and is kinda agreed) heavy description of smut, strap-ons, slapping/spanking, swearing etc etc

(Sorry if there are any spelling mistakes)

————

Music was blaring, the heat of the room encased you and the buzz that alcohol brought was ever present. Even Alexia was drinking tonight. Barcelona had just won the champions league for the second time and with the season at its end, Alexia finally entered her 2 weeks a year of letting loose and for those who knew her well, they’d realise that this was almost as rare as gold.

Alexia was slouched lazily on the couch next to Lucy and Aitana, the three of them laughing drunkly at a joke Lucy had just made. On the other hand, you were amongst a crowd of sweaty bodies on the dance floor with Mapi, Ingrid and Ona, drunkenly dancing to whatever song came on.

As a slightly slower song came on (as a pose to the rave music previously) Ona grabbed you hands and pulled you closer to her, her hands clasped together, settling lightly above your ass, out of the corner do your eyes you could see that Mapi and Ingrid had done the same. You were so intoxicated and lost in the moment that you didn’t see Alexia staring daggers at the two of you. Obliviously, you continued to dance carelessly with your friend wrapping your own arms around her neck and tipping your head back with a smile. Anger seethed from Alexia as she watched from her booth. Lucy noticed this change in her demeanour

“What’s wrong capitana you look ready to kill” chuckled Lucy.

“What’s wrong is that Ona is getting all handsy with my girlfriend” alexia snapped in response.

Following her her captain’s eye-line, Lucy was met with the site of the younger defender’s arms wrapped around you with her head resting on your neck, the two of you drunkenly swaying and almost knocking into everything. “Oh wow” said Lucy.

“Don’t worry Capi I’m sure she has room in her heart for both of you” teased Claudia, which warranted her a smack on the head from Alexia. “Ouch not cool Ale” she sulked.

Alexia continued to stare at the two of you, anger practically steaming off her, she didn’t think she could get anymore angry, but when Ona’s hands slipped a little too far down and Alexia didn’t see her make any attempt to move them from their position on the curve of your ass, she snapped. The alcohol that coursed through her veins, causing her to lose her senses. She bounded over furiously and when she reached the two of you she pulled you apart, gripping your wrist harshly and pulling you into her.

“Hola capi” a drunk Ona slurred with a smirk. To which Alexia scowled at.

“Ouch Alexia you’re hurting me” you pleaded.

“Oh I’m gonna do a lot more than that when we get home” she seethed.

“What why?” you asked, a mixture of confusion and fear overtaking your features.

“Yeah what the hell Ale?” Ona chimed in.

“You don’t get to say anything, rubbing your hands all over my girl” your girlfriend blazed.

“What… what are you talking about?” Ona asked with genuine confusion.

“Don’t play dumb batlle, savour the memory of feeling her up because it’s all you’re gonna get, you can go home tonight knowing I’ll be bending her over the countertop and fucking her until she can’t breathe. She’ll be screaming my name tonight not yours!” Alexia practically roared, her dominant side coming to light, a side you normally loved but you’d admit that right now you were slightly scared.

At that, she pulled you away, leaving behind a stunned and now magically, completely sober Ona batlle stood on the dance floor.

Her death grip never left your wrist as she practically dragged you out of the club. When you reached her car, she finally released her grip on your wrist and even in the dim light of the car, you could see the red marks that would likely turn to bruises. You didn’t dare speak a word the entire journey back to her apartment as you felt her nails digging into your bare thighs.

When we arrived she removed her hand off your thigh and stepped out the car. You went to open the door on your own side but to your surprise, she had put the child locks on the car door. Another show of dominance, you were really in for it tonight. As she approached the other side of the car, she unlocked the door and opened it for you. Expecting her to offer a hand to help you, you waited a second but as she huffed in frustration, you realised it wasn’t coming, so you clambered awkwardly out the car, receiving a light tap on your ass as you did so.

Approaching the door, you felt Alexia brush past you harshly and jangle the keys around before the door opened into your hall way. She regained her harsh grip on your wrists as she pulled you inside with so much force, that you tripped and fell face first into a heap on the floor. Alexia watched over you with a mocking expression, your knees burnt from the heavy contact with the floor. Again, you’d expected a hand to offer you help into your feet, as Alexia was normally one to treat you like a princess, practically kissing the ground you walked in but no not today. As you began to regain balance, she kicked you back down with her toned leg and another shot of pain went through your body. A look of betrayal grazed your features as she simply smirked at the current power imbalance.

Eventually you finally made it back up again and there she was again dragging you by the wrist, all the way to your shared bedroom. Upon reaching the door she opened it for you and ushered you in, a confusing contrast from her earlier behaviour. Silence lingered in the air as you stood and watched her close the door, unsure of what to do with yourself.

“get on your knees” came her low, husky voice.

Of course you obeyed, Alexia had that kind of hold on you.

“Strip down” she ordered with the mouth watering Castilian twinge to her English.

And again, you obeyed, ridding yourself of your little black dress, a dress that left little to the imagination, a fact that Alexia made you well aware of when she started an argument, suggesting you change it before you’d gone out. None of that mattered now as you peeled the tight fabric off of you olive skin. As you did so, Alexia busied herself in the corner of your room, paying no attention to you as you undressed yourself slowly in the pale moonlight. You watched as she returned and as she did, you noticed the new found bulge in her trousers, realising she had put on one of your straps whilst you were undressing. You were knelt on the floor with her tall, athletic form towering above you.

“you look so pretty on your knees for me” she grumbled, the praise causing a whine to fall from your lips. “It’s a shame you’ve been so naughty”

With that, he hand fell to your face and produced a hard slap on your left cheek, it reddened hastily at her touch.

“Get up” she demanded.

Again, you did as you were told. Though not quick enough it seemed as she gripped your hair and pulled harshly, causing you to rise quickly to your feet.

“When I said strip princesa I meant all of it” she said with a tone of annoyance. Her hand found a rest on your hips but that lasted mere seconds before she was harshly ripping the expensive black lace from your body. Before you’d had time time to process it, your bra was following promptly, Alexia’s display of strength adding to the already dripping arousal between your thighs. This didn’t go unnoticed by your partner who swiped her middle finger lightly between your legs.

“So wet” she groaned “all for me bebita?”

“Sí reina I need you” you replied panting at the contact.

“Hmm you didn’t seem to need me on the dance floor when you were grinding yourself all over Ona like the little whore you are” she countered.

“I’m so sorry amor it didn’t mean anything I’ll be good I promise te amo” you urged

“good girls don’t dance like sluts on their teammates right in front of their girlfriend, I think you’ve been a naughty girl and naughty girls need to be punished hmm bebita?” she husked

“Yes my love I’m so sorry I wasn’t thinking I only want you, I’m yours, please I’m yours!” You urged

“Oh I know you are” she chuckled sinisterly “these are mine” she grabbed your exposed breasts “these are mine” she kissed your plump lips “this is mine” she squeezed your ass “and this is mine to do whatever I please with” she cupped your dripping pussy, making you let out a quiet moan into her neck. With that, she shoved you backwards so that you back hit the bed with a thud and she lingered over the top of you, a smirk making its way onto her lips.

“please Ale” you begged

“aww so needy for me, such a perfect little slut all wet for me, ready for my cock. Spread your legs for me puta.” she demanded

You obliged, opening your legs wide for her, allowing her a full view to your soaking cunt.

“So beautiful” she said placing a kiss to your sex, causing you to moan, a mistake that lead to a harsh slap on your bare thigh.

Much to your dissatisfaction she pulled her head away from your opening, your pussy aching at the lack of contact, desperately seeking relief. She began unbuttoning her shirt, exposing her sport bra covered chest, before quickly moving on to pull down her slacks, revealing to you the bulging, flesh coloured strap on. Your pussy clenched around nothing in anticipation.

“turn around” she demanded. “If you’re gonna act like a slutty bitch, I’m going to fuck you like one”

obeying her once again, you did as you were told. Feeling two strong arms clutch your waist and turn you further, you realised she was moving you to face the mirror next to your bed, so that you could see as she likely pounded you into the bed like an animal. Alexia smirked at this new found position and the access it gave her to your ass, taking advantage of this, she landed a harsh smack to your right ass cheek, her eyes darkening as it jiggled. She repeated the action on the left side, eliciting the same reaction from the older girl as she felt pride in the reddening mark which would like cause bruising on your behind.

“you’re so wet I don’t even have to finger you first, I bet you could take all of it straight away” she chanted, aligning the strap with your dripping cunt. Without much warning, she pushed her hips forward and filled your waiting cunt with her large cock.

“look at that princesa your little cunt is all stretched out just for me, who does it belong to?” she questioned, holding the strap still within you as your groaned at the lack of movement.

“you capi, only you, please fuck me, I need your cock so bad” you whined.

“as you wish bebita” she replied, thrusting back out of you, giving you no time to adjust before she set a furious pace, the sound of your wet skin slapping together harshly, filled the room.

Gripping onto the bed sheets, you arch your back further, allowing Alexia to thrust further into your core but in turn, restricting your view of the activities slightly. Alexia quickly realised this and proceeded to grip your hair tightly and pull you back so your back met her chest, her violent thrusting never slowing. She was an athlete after all and as always she would keep going even when your energy was long diminished, the thought made a fresh wave of arousal run through your body.

“good girl. You’re taking me so well cariño, your little pussy, so open for me, letting me take what I want like a slut” she moaned.

“All for you Ale I’m all yours, u- use me” you struggled between moans as she massaged your breast and thrust up into you simultaneously. Her lips quickly found your neck as she flipped you around on her cock and shoved you down so that she was back towering above your quivering form. She sucked and but on a sensitive spot on your neck, eliciting all sorts of strangled, vulgar cries from your mouth.

“No marks Ale we have… we have media t-tomorrow” you struggled to get the words out.

“Oh well that’s just part of your punishment amor. All the team can see what a needy slut you are for me” she groaned, her hands that were previously on your breast found their way on to your clit, swirling it furiously to match the harsh thrusts in your pussy.

Your stomach contorted at the thought as you felt that all to familiar feeling pooling in your lower stomach, feeling your orgasm build up as Alexia’s strap hit your g-spot continuously.

“I’m so close capi, please let me cum” you breathed.

“Beg for it puta” she ordered

“please baby, please let me cum for you I’ve been so good let me cum all over your cock” you begged, unsure how much longer you could hold on.

“cum for me princesa”

And with that the coil in your stomach snapped and an intense wave of orgasm overtook your body as your squirted your juices over your girlfriends abs. Her thrusts began to slow as you whined at the overstimulation. Finally, she pulled her cock out of your abused cunt, with a loud pop as she left your body.

“so good for me, my girl, only my girl” she said placing a gentle kiss to your sweat soaked forehead.

“only your girl Ale lo siento for making you think anything else” you apologised

“you will be” she chuckled, picking something up from one of your draws.

“What’s that supposed to mean? What’s in your hands bebita?” you questioned, concerned.

“just that you won’t be having any concealer to cover up those pretty marks on your neck for media training tomorrow” she smirked

“But amor I took my punishment so well” you pleaded.

“aww you did cariño but your punishment is only just starting” she replied and with that she crawled into bed next to you, wrapping her nude body around yours into a cuddle as your drifted off into a not so comforting sleep as you pondered on the inevitable, merciless teasing you’d revive from your teammates tomorrow…

Sorry if this was bad it’s my first attempt at smut… it was much more difficult to write than other fics I’ll give it that!

[cobaltperun]

Hey, love your writing.

So I was thinking something about (Fem)R and Tara being exes. Reader studying for finals or sum and getting a call from Chad, Mindy doesn't matter, where they ask (practically beg) R to come take Tara cause she got drunk AF and kept talking about R. So R goes and takes care of her.

Something like that, you can make changes to the plot of course. And thank you.

One time too many

Tara Carpenter x Female Reader (Request)

Part 2!

Masterlist

Word count: 2.3k

It’s been three months since she messed up, since she made the biggest mistake ever, since she couldn’t control herself. Tara drunkenly glared at the bottle of vodka in her hand before taking a swing out of it. She already ruined everything, giving up on alcohol now wouldn’t change a damn thing.

“Tara, I think you had enough,” Mindy tried to take her bottle away, but she just pulled it closer, wrapping it in her hands and clutching on to it. What else did she have left? When she lost one person she wanted to spend the rest of her life with?

The smoke and smells all around her irritated her lungs, but she wanted to be normal, to be a healthy, not traumatized student that could maintain her relationships instead of ruining them. “I’m fine,” she slurred, taking another big swing and emptying the bottle. She looked at it, disappointed that there was none left.

Mindy groaned, stopping her before she could get up to get more alcohol. “Seriously, you drank the entire bottle alone. Would you stop if I got Y/N to come and get you?” she asked, as if that was possible.

You wouldn’t come. You and Tara haven’t spoken since you broke up, you made it clear the decision was final and Tara didn’t want to cause you even more pain. She already hurt you, and she could neither forgive herself for that, nor did she deserve forgiveness.

“Sure, as if that’ll happen,” so, knowing you wouldn’t come she accepted Mindy’s deal. “I’ll go and try to find some tequila now.”

Mindy sighed and told Chad to go and keep an eye on her while she calls you. She was wasting her time, and your time as well.

~X~

You groaned, burying your face in your hands and leaning back on the chair. Notes and books and presentations open on your laptop were going to be the death of you tonight. It wasn’t usually like that, you usually did well, found these subjects easy, but tonight your brain just refused to cooperate. You dragged your palms down and looked outside the window, you knew the reason.

You broke up with Tara exactly three months ago and you were in a turmoil over it. How was she doing? Was she still drinking? Did she think about you as often as you thought about her? You hoped she didn’t. She deserved to be happy, to find someone who would love her and accept all of her. You missed her, so much it hurt. You still loved her, so much more than you expected you’d love anyone in your life, yet that love wasn’t enough to keep the seven months long relationship going.

Your phone suddenly began buzzing and you figured you weren’t going to get any studying done anyway so you got up and went to your bed where you left your phone earlier. You noticed it was Mindy and raised an eyebrow. But more than confusion you felt fear, because of what happened to Tara two times already. You would never forgive yourself if Tara was hurt, you would always wonder if there was anything you could have done to prevent it. Even if logically there really wasn’t anything you could do.

“Yes?” you asked, keeping the fear and worry at bay for now.

“Hey, Y/N, sorry if I’m interrupting, but would you mind picking Tara up. She might actually get an alcohol poisoning if she keeps drinking like this,” she said, and you inhaled sharply. “I know you two broke up, but I don’t think anyone but you can get her out of here without making a scene.”

“Text me where she is,” you said, already tossing a jacket over your shoulder and grabbing your keys.

Mindy paused, as if she thought you wouldn’t agree, or that she’d need to try harder to convince you. “Thanks, Y/N,” she eventually said and hung up, and sure enough, she sent the location to you mere moments later.

When you broke up with Tara, you promised yourself that if she ever reached out to you for help, or if her friends or Sam did that for her, you’d be there, no matter what. You still loved her, you didn’t want her to get hurt, or to feel like she couldn’t turn to you. Maybe you should have told her that yourself, three months ago, but you feared that would make the breakup hurt even more.

You drove to the location Mindy sent to you and parked in front of some frat house or something. You took a deep breath and stepped outside of your car, ready for the smell of alcohol and smoke and whatnot. Tara had asthma, how she handled being in places like these was beyond you. You saw Mindy standing outside and waving toward you to get your attention. At least you wouldn’t have to spend a lot of time inside.

“Hey,” you greeted her, and she smiled at you gratefully, she was a bit tipsy as well, but you were much more worried about Tara.

“Thanks, I think tonight might have something to do with your breakup. She’s been talking about you ever since she got tipsy,” she told you as she led you inside, through the crowds of students, dimly lit party filled with alcohol and even some drugs from the smell of it. You knew Tara wouldn’t do drugs though, she got drunk, she didn’t get high. Finally, you saw her, slightly slumped against the table as Chad tried to get her to stop. She truly wasn’t listening to anyone. Ever.

“Tara,” you spoke up and she straightened her back, her drunk eyes clearing up a bit as she saw you.

“Y/N?” she breathed out, as if she couldn’t believe she was seeing you.

“Come on, let’s leave,” you offered her your hand and smiled a bit as she took it immediately, and though she wasn’t steady on her feet she got up and stared at you. The feeling of her hand in yours made you feel like the missing pieces of your puzzle were falling into place.

You wanted to hug her, and you saw that was exactly what she wanted, but that might further complicate things, so, you just kept holding her hand and walking to the front doors with her right behind you. She didn’t complain one bit and you nodded at the twins. The fresh air felt so good now that you were out of that suffocating party, and you gently pulled Tara along to your car, opening the back seat for her and stepping aside for her to get in.

She smiled a bit at you, that same slightly shy smile she had on her face the first time you opened the car doors for her, even before you started dating, while you were in the friendship stage. You smiled back, going around the car and getting in, but before you left you quickly pulled your phone out and sent Sam a quick message.

You: I picked up Tara from a party, I’ll let her sleep at my place if that’s okay with you?

Sam replied almost immediately and once again you were reminded of how things used to be, only this time you were reminded of the worst part of the relationship.

Sam: Of course, thanks, Y/N

And she responded the way she used to, a bit out of habit. You didn’t keep in touch with Mindy or Chad, but you and Sam occasionally talked. She would catch you up on what was going on with the group, and more importantly on how Tara was doing, and you’d tell her about your life. Tara knew about it, Sam would tell her and so both of you understood that, at least on some level, you were both still okay.

“I’m sorry,” Tara slurred, leaning against the car window. “I reek of alcohol,” she did, she reeked of alcohol and smoke, and you did not like either of the smells, but you still just nodded and drove off to your apartment.

When you came home you gave Tara some of your clothes and she changed in your bedroom while you went back to your notes. She was too drunk to put up a fight and argue that she should sleep on the couch, and instead just fell asleep on your bed.

You tried to study, you really did, but Tara kept mumbling apologies and your name in her sleep, and you eventually just gave up and got up. Only then did you notice she didn’t even lie down properly, her feet hung off the bed and she was lying on it diagonally, too drunk to even handle that. So, with a heavy sigh you went and lifted her up so you could move her and make her feel as comfortable as possible. You tucked her in and left the medicine next to the bed for her and you just left her to sleep.

You dropped down on the couch, and sighed, all the emotions within you bubbling to the surface. Tara and you got along, you only fought about one thing. Tara’s drinking. Other than that, it was an amazing relationship and you were, very much, in love.

But you couldn’t handle her drinking. You promised yourself that you could deal with most things, as long as the partner of your choice wasn’t abusive or a cheater. That you could talk most things out, that you had your own faults, and that everyone did, so some tolerance was necessary. But you couldn’t tolerate alcohol.

You grew up with alcoholic parents, and they got violent when drunk, and living with them for years, seeing their fights, seeing all of that made you hate alcohol more than anything. Tara wasn’t violent, far from it, she just got drunk, fell asleep and occasionally had to throw up. She didn’t have outbursts, or tried to pick fights. She had her own issues and drowned them in alcohol.

But your parents weren’t violent at the start either.

You repeatedly had that conversation with Tara, and no matter how often she promised it would be the last time, she still got drunk again. Until you just went and broke up with her. You tolerated it longer than you ever expected you would.

You couldn’t fall asleep that night.

~X~

She woke up in a familiar environment. How many times did she wake up in your room? Too many to count, now that she thought about it. Some were perfect, after a night of hanging out, watching movies and making love. Some, as usual as the perfect ones, were filled with regret, because she got drunk again.

Tara knew what it felt like to have an alcoholic parent, though it was only her mother in her case, and yet here she was. Going down the same path. After Bailey tried to kill her, Sam and their friends she went to therapy, and soon after that she met you. She was suspicious at first but she felt comfortable around you, she felt free with you, and a few months later you got together.

And then the therapy just stopped working. And though she knew everything, a stressful week was all it took for her to relapse into alcohol again. One drink after another, she got drunk and two months into your relationship she hurt you for the very first time. She still remembered the look in your eyes, the horror that no movie could cause. And she promised she wouldn’t do it again. Only to do it again, and again, and again, until you had enough.

And now, three months after your breakup, she was back here, after another drunk night. She hated herself for that. For every time she got drunk.

How many times did you try to help her? To support her through everything, to make it so that she didn’t need to drown her issues in alcohol, and she still did it. You were there for her, no matter what she needed. She had it all, she was happy, truly happy in a relationship for the first time in her life, and she threw it away.

It meant everything to her, and she threw it away as if it meant nothing.

She drank her medicine and went to the bathroom, only now noticing your clothes. She was so used to them while you were in a relationship. She loved wearing them, she felt warm in them, she felt safe. And then, when she came out and went to the living room she saw you, sitting on the couch with a mug of coffee in front of you. You probably didn’t sleep last night.

“Good morning,” you still smiled at her, that same loving smile she used to wake up to, only reminding her of what she lost.

“Good morning,” she replied, tears filling up her eyes. “I didn’t think you’d come and get me, I’m sorry you had to see that even now that we’re no longer together,” she said, she meant it, she truly did. “Why did you-“ her choked up slightly. “you didn’t have to,” she lowered her head and let the tears fall as you got up, went around the table and stopped in front of her, hugging her tightly and letting her cry. She didn’t deserve this, you being gentle and still there for her even after everything.

“I loved you, I still do, Tara,” you whispered, and thought you felt like that, though she loved you back, there were words neither of you spoke.

‘But you broke my trust one time too many.’

A/N: I did not think this would turn into angst! I swear! I did change a thing or two from the request, but I think it still fits. Part 2!

[gothicchildofthenight]

Dead-Bird

FEM DNI‼️ (She/her, She/they, etc.) - you’ll be blocked.

request: “hihi ! can you write rodrick x ftm reader thats just like , treated as one of the guys in rodricks friend group and has a sense of belonging , then heather outs the reader or something n rodrick stands up for them (???) im not sure where im going with this request u can interpret it however u want”

summary: moving to plainview for a fresh start while you’re transitioning. you meet rodrick heffley, resident emo, and become inseparable. what happens when heather hills gets jealous thats he’s turned all his attention on you?

descriptions: ftm!reader, intended for a black reader but can be read by any race, rodrick might be ooc (??), i made heather really mean (and homophobic 😭) but in reality i have no hate to her HER ACTRESS IS GORGINA, slur drop (f word), maybe the reader a girly kid sorry if that upsets anyone, cursing, throwing up (only happens once and i don’t think it’s detailed), let me know if i missed anything!!

a/n: yall, i know i said friday, but circumstances change (especially when baby siblings are sick asf) so i’m sorry. you’re allowed to yell at me in the comments!! BUT ITS FINALLY HERE‼️ pls let me know if you like it, and if you think i should change anything. i can always improve!!

word count: 8.29k (i got carried away 😭)

———————————————————————————-

For as long as you can remember, you knew you didn’t feel right with who you were. You wore the dresses, the skirts, joined the girls line when you were split off and you were ok with it, but it never felt right. You wanted to get your hands dirty, skin your knee, and you could do all of that with the girls, but you wanted to do it with the boys.

Your parents seemed to acknowledge this and your family just labeled you a tomboy. It wasn’t until your last year of middle school that you realized who you were, what you were. You were a boy, you were trans.

After going back and forth with yourself, you go to your parents with tears streaming down your face. With the way you and your parents were raised, it didn’t seem like they were going to be accepting.

“Are you done blubbering?” Your mom had asked you, which made you cry even more because you didn’t know if that could be good or bad. “We knew this could be a possibility with you just wanting to be with little boys.”

“Just because your grandparents have a skewed perspective on gender doesn’t mean we do.” Your dad joined in with a hand on your shoulder.

And with that started your transition journey. First with therapy, then doctor visits, and finally testosterone. When you started taking testosterone (end of sophomore year), you and your parents moved to give you a fresh start. With their careers, they could work anywhere as long as they could travel.

Plainview was just that, plain, but it got the job done so you can lay low. You couldn’t even point it out on a map, but it seemed like a great place to get a fresh start. Family homes, mom and pop shops, and maybe 6 schools around. No one knows you, seeing as you moved almost cross-country, so perfect.

Your first day wasn’t anything like you imagined. You thought you would be clocked immediately, especially since in the rush to move and get enrolled in school you had forgotten to get your haircut. You lucked out though, because the only reason someone (besides a teacher) came to talk to you was because of your Pearl Jam shirt.

That was the day you met Rodrick Heffley, resident “bad boy” with a band that wasn’t shit (you could say that seeing as you were in it) and a taste for rock and metal. That’s who came to talk about your shirt.

“You listen to Pearl Jam?” He asked, and you were immediately on the defense.

You knew you didn’t exactly look the part of emo metalhead, you had heard it your whole life growing up. “Listen to your normal music,” was a common one, and you won’t lie, it hurt. Especially from the popular white kids because it was just another tally mark against you.

“Yes? What about it?” You snapped.

“Woah, didn’t know I touched a nerve,” his face had reddened a little, but besides that it didn't change. “I was just gonna ask your favorite song.”

“Whatever,” you rolled your eyes. “I like Why Go from the Ten album.”

“Cool, cool, that’s a good one.” And then you both just stood there staring at each other. “Do you want to come over to my house after school?”

“I don’t even know you, kid,” you chuckled, “what are you, a kindergartener?”

“Well excuse me for trying to be nice.” He rolled his eyes. “I’m Rodrick.”

He held out his hand, which you hesitantly shook. “I’m (Y/N).”

“So are you coming over or what?”

And just like that he became one of the most important people in your life– along with his best friends; Drew, Ward, Chris, and Ben. Present day, you are never without Rodrick, and he, you. It doesn’t take a lot to convince the other to do something you probably shouldn’t, which leads to you guys getting in trouble a lot.

Like how one time towards the end of junior year in the middle of the night, Rodrick and you snuck out for a carnival almost 2 hours away. You had been relaxing at home, reading, when you heard little tinks coming from your window. You knew it was Rodrick throwing rocks at your window. He always did that when he’d sneak out of his house to come to yours.

“What the hell do you want?” You jokingly whisper-yelled as you opened your window.

“Come to a fair with me!” He whispered back.

“Last time I checked, the summer fair didn’t come until after school ended?”

“Because it’s not the one in Plainview, it’s the one in Huntington! Just come on!” He groans.

“First of all, I’m in pajamas!” You motioned up and down yourself. “Second of all, that’s almost two hours away!”

“So what, you’ve snuck out with me before! What makes this time any different? Come on, (Y/N), live a little!”

“Fuck it, fine!” and you closed your window to change. Your parents were long gone asleep, so you doubt they’d check on you, meaning you were in the clear.

You settled on baggy pants and a short sleeve, which is what you almost always wear, before you jumped out your window (you were on the second floor, yea, but your house wasn’t that big so it wasn’t a huge jump). Rodrick was waiting in his van, so you climbed into the passenger seat and set off.

You took a mini nap on the way, but after you woke up, you guys didn't shut up. From school to new albums, you talked about it all. You guys always were like this, (still were) even though at this point you’d only known each other a couple months. It scared you a little, how close you two had gotten in such a little period of time, mainly because you don’t want him to drop you because of who you were before.

“We’re here!” He pulled into a parking spot. You both climbed out of the van and met in front of it. “You brought your wallet, right?”

“Hanging with you? Of course not.” You deadpanned, before pulling out your wallet with a smile. “Why would I go to a fair without my wallet?”

He just rolled his eyes, slung his arm around your neck and walked to the ticket booth. Once in the fair, you guys set a plan to leave around 2:00 so you can get back in time for school.

You run around together, ride to ride, concession stand every chance you can get, and then barfing into a trash can. “I will never sneak out with you again.”

“Sure, ok,” Rodrick scoffed. “Come on, I want to ride the ferris wheel before going home!”

“Sure,” you rolled your eyes as you wiped your mouth, “just let me finish tossing my organs into this dumpster.”

“Let's go, smart ass.”

Surprisingly, there wasn’t a long line for the wheel. You’re on it in 5 minutes, and at the top in another 5.

“Told you it was worth it.” Rodrick teased as you looked out to the neon fair lights.

“Yea, yea, whatever,” you mumbled, too busy looking out at the eye widening view.

There’s a moment of silence. “Y’know, I’m glad we met each other.”

“Ew, don’t get all sentimental on me. Especially on a ferris wheel, that's just cringey.” You joke.

“I’m being serious!” He sighs. “Like I love the band, but I think me and you got closer in the span of a few months than me and them since middle school. It’s crazy.”

“Yea, sure, ok, dude,” you look back out to the lights. You couldn’t look him in the eyes because you had this warm feeling in your gut that you couldn’t place.

Rodrick doesn’t allow you to, though, as he grabs your face in one hand to make you look at him. “What the hell are you doing?”

“I want you to say it,” he stares into your eyes, seeming to search for something.

“Say what, jackass?” You feel your face catch on fire in the dark of the night.

“That I’m your best friend.” He looks so serious, and his eyes never leave yours.

“You’re my best friend,” you roll your eyes with a grin, “can you let me go now?”

“We’ll work on it.” He pats the side of your face and then faces the lights outside the wheel.

When you're both off the ferris wheel, you’re headed back home. The car ride home was silent, you in your own head and Rodrick seemed tired. You offered for him to stay over and sleep until school starts, but he declines, knowing his parents will wake him up in the morning.

You pull up to your house but just sit there for a second. “It was a bunch of fun, as always. Til we sneak out again.”

“See ya,” he smiles and lightly punches your shoulder.

“See ya, dude,” and you head to your house.

When you see him pull off, you lightly close your front door. As you turn around, your soul leaves your body.

“I don’t even want to know,” your mom holds her hand up to silence you. “Phone, now.”

You sigh, but do it.

It seemed that’s what happened with Rodrick, too, so for the rest of the school year you and Rodrick could only contact each other at school. He still snuck over, that wasn't going to stop.

You don’t regret leaving with him that night, because you had never had someone willingly be that close to you.

—

Currently, you’re all huddled up in the hot attic that is his room, but it was the only place without younger kids so you don’t complain much.

“Dude, I thought this year was gonna be it!” Rodrick complains as he lays upside down on his bed.

“Oh, it’s gonna be it, alright,” Ben rolls his eyes and throws a paper ball in Rodricks direction. “It’s going to be the year I finally strangle you if you mention Heather Hills one more time.” We all chuckle at how true it was.

Right now, he wouldn’t shut the fuck up about Heather Hills. Even though you had come in the middle of junior year, it was quick knowledge that he had a crush on her since middle school. At first it was cute, but after some unforeseen circumstances, you actually hated hearing her name. It wasn’t like you had a crush on him (It was), but the fact that she didn’t give him the time of day, and even when she did it was just to make fun of him or to have him do something.

“I second that, it’s fucking annoying,” you push him off the bed, seeing as you were on it right next to him.

“Ow, you dick!” he sits up and rubs his head.

“We’re, like, four months from graduating, if she wanted you, she would’ve said it.”

“Yea but-” Ward cuts him off.

“But nothing, bro, she don’t want your ass.”

It’s what you’ve been telling him this whole time, but you didn’t want to be too pressed about it because you didn’t want him to think you like her. You didn’t like her, you liked the one who liked her. You hadn’t realized it until you saw Heather sweetening him up one time and it hurt to watch– and not in a disgusted way.

You had no idea about your sexuality, you knew you liked boys even before you transitioned, but as you became more comfortable with yourself girls weren’t so bad either. You had been on a few dates with mostly girls (there weren’t many out guys in a small town, who knew?), but no one was Rodrick.

“I mean, I know, subconsciously,” he points to his head, “but she has this way of being in your head, no matter how mean she is.”

“Blah blah blah, bruh we don’t caaaarreee!” You roll your eyes and fall back on his bed. “She’s probably going to, like, Harvard or some shit and gonna marry rich. She doesn’t have time for loser guys like ourselves unless we can do something for her. It’s been that way since middle school, and it’ll be that way til the end of time”

“Major harsh, dude,” Drew pipes up.

“Whatever,” You get up and grab your backpack. “I’m going home, see you bozos tomorrow.”

You know why it bothers you so much, but you didn’t think you went that far. Hell, even Ward said something, but you were the one who was being “major harsh”? You roll your eyes as you stomp off to your house.

“Major harsh, my ass,” you murmur to yourself.

—

Tomorrow comes faster than you’d like. It wasn’t like you blew up on the guys, but you were pissed that you had been shut down. You kind of wanted to avoid them and go straight to class, but when you exit your house you see Rodricks van. The ride to school was pretty quiet except for the “good morning,” you all exchanged amongst yourselves.

“You were right,” Rodrick nudges you. When you give him a confused look, he goes on, “Heather is never gonna want me, and I’m taking myself off the market for other babes.”

“Oh, all those poor girls, saved,” you chuckle. Now you kind of feel bad, “but seriously, my bad if I went too far with what I was saying. I don’t have an excuse for what I said, but I am sorry.”

“Nah, I needed that good kick in the ass so I could wake up. Thanks, bro.” He playfully punches your shoulder.

“No problem, bro.”

As we pull up to school, you see Heather and her friends around their red convertible bug. You didn’t know whose it was, it was passed around more than a blunt in your group. Every morning they were there, and every morning Rodrick went to talk to them, talk to her, like clockwork.

“So are we skipping today, boys?” Rodrick suggests.

In a unison of ‘Hell Yea’s, you were the voice of reason. “Fuck no.”

They all groan, as they usually do when you’re right. We’re walking away from the van as you explain, “Y’all don’t have enough brain cells or credits to afford to skip. If yall want to blow this place, ya gotta graduate. You don’t even have to have honors.”

“Whatever, nerd,” Rodrick shoves you with a chuckle. “You can be a suck up and stay all day, but we’re outta here.”

“You can suck up on my balls, jackass,” you laugh and shove him back.

“You’d love that, wouldn’t you?” he shoves back.

“You’d love that!” but you don’t push him, you look in front of you.

You expected to see the red car, but you saw the stairs. You had passed the car?

You look behind you, and you still see the group talking about someone cheating on someone’s boyfriend, but you notice Heather Hills looking at you.

This wasn’t the first time Rodrick had ignored Heather for you, but that was at lunch. He always talked to her in the morning. You don’t know why, but you knew that this was her last straw.

When you had first moved here, you weren’t on her radar until you had talked to him. She was just standing off to the side and you didn’t realize it then, but he was just talking to her and stopped to talk to you. You could feel her glare, but when you looked at her she gave you a sugary sweet smile. That wasn’t the last time you would see that fake smile, but after this morning you knew it would be.

—

“I don’t know what you told him, but you need to untell him.”

The voice wasn’t unfamiliar to you, but you weren’t used to it being directed at you.

“Hi, Heather, how are you on this beautiful day?” You smile at her, though it was probably closer to a grimace.

“Cut the shit, you heard me.” She growls as you put your stuff in your locker.

“Why does it have to be me saying anything to him? Maybe he actually grew some balls and a brain.”

“You’re like a lost puppy around him, of course you said something.”

“Well, Heather,” you huff as you drop your bag and face her, “he used to follow you around like a lost puppy and I got sick of it because you were using him. I don’t know why it bothered me so much, but it did, so I told him that.”

“I know why,” she leans closer to your face with a whisper. “It’s because you’re a gay little bitch who hopes he looks in your direction but he wouldn’t even spit near you. I see how you look at him, but just remember he looks at me like that.”

“Ok,” you roll your eyes. “Why do you care so much? You admitted several times that you don’t like him.”

“He needs to like me, not the other way around. It gives other guys the idea that they can be with me and I can get gifts out of it. So if you don’t fix this, I can get so much dirt on you it’d make your head spin.”

“I think the bleach fumes are finally getting to your brain,” you scoff, trying not to seem nervous. You didn’t think that she could get to your secret, but that bitch has power in high places. But you had come so far without being outed, so you didn’t think it’d happen this close to your escape. “I don’t know what to tell you. I’m not gonna do that because you’re a bitch who doesn’t deserve any attention.”

She slams your locker in your face, “You’ll regret that.” And as she walks away you roll your eyes and mumble a “bitch”.

She doesn’t even want him, but I can’t have him? Whatever, bitch.

—

You decided to keep your little interaction from Rodrick and the gang because you knew it’d open up a) what she could find on you and b) did Heather actually like Rodrick and she’s lying? You just let them lead the conversation as you try to rationalize with yourself.

How would she find out your trans? You’ve been stealth for a year and your school medical records are locked up tight. She can’t out anything but you being gay and even that was a little chest tightening. At least you’ll still be a man, even if it was a gay one. Being outed as trans could shatter people’s perception of you and you’ll be that weird “girl” again.

“What are you thinking so hard about?” Rodrick asks you and you realize you’re the only two in the van now.

“Nothing, just exhausted. I need to be asleep right now,” you pretend to rub your eyes.

“Whatever you say, dude,” he sighs, but puts his hand on your shoulder and looks you in the eyes. “I’m here whenever you wanna talk, you seem to have a lot on your mind.”

It makes you freeze. It’s not like he isn’t always like this, he’s your best friend, but it doesn’t help after your conversation with Heather. He does this with every guy in the group, he may put on a front of being a dick to his brother, Greg, but he really cares for his friends. You have to convince yourself that this was just that, nothing more.

“Eyes on the road, weirdo,” you shrug his arm off with a nervous laugh. “I told you I was fine, I’m just tired.”

“Ok, dude,” he rolls his eyes.

Before you know it, he drops the rest of the guys off at their houses. You’re usually the last one to get dropped off since more often than not you’re the first one to be picked up. But when Rodrick passes your house, you have more than a few questions.

“Where the hell are you taking me?” You sigh.

“Obviously you won’t tell me what’s actually wrong, so we’re going to hang out til that frown turns upside down!” He smiles as he passes his house, too.

“How did I become friends with such a cornball? Aren’t you supposed to be the resident bad boy, go back to that.”

“You know you love me,” he smirks.

More than you know, that’s the reason I’m in this mess! You almost say, but stick with, “Sure, whatever you say.”

You know exactly what he’s going to do, you guys do it every time one of y’all are going through it. Head to the gas station to get slushies and snacks, then go out to your favorite clearing in the woods. He even does it with Greg sometimes, even though he likes to act like he hates his younger brothers.

“Isn’t the point of a slushy to mix all of the flavors together?” Rodrick rolls his eyes.

“We have this conversation every time we come here, I get two flavors that compliment each other! All of those flavors confuse your mouth and you lose taste buds.”

“You lie just like my mother, which means you lie like shit.” And for that you slap his shoulder. “OW!”

“Don’t talk about Susan like that!” You say, jokingly offended. You go to hit him again, but he grabs your hand.

“You’re a fucking nut case.”

“OMG!” You hear an all too familiar voice excitedly yelp. “I thought I heard your voice!”

“Oh, hey Heather.” Rodick turns to talk to her, forgetting to let go of your hand. “What are you doing in here?”

“My friends wanted to stop in here to get some junk.” She waves her hand behind her and rolls her eyes. “I obviously don’t eat stuff like that, I mean, look at me.” Rodrick doesn’t even glance down when she motions at herself.

“Good for you, me and (Y/N) are actually in here for some snacks, too.”

She finally looks at you, and then at you and Rodricks combined hands. You squirm under her stare and take your hand out of Rodricks. He looks at you in seeming confusion, but doesn’t say anything.

“I didn’t see you there, hey (Y/N)!” She has a smile on her face, but you can see in her eyes the amount of hatred she has for you.

“Hey, Heather…” You almost whisper, and then turn to seem busy with your slushy.

“Well, we should get out of here, bye Heather.”

“Oh, yeah, I think my friends went back to the car, so I should head out, too.” She turns to leave, but looks back over her shoulder and waves seductively. “Bye, Rodrick!”

When you hear the front door bell ring, you finally release the breath you had been holding in. “Holy shit,” you whisper to yourself.

“What was that?” Rodrick turns to you with a smile and points behind him. “She’s never willingly came up to me unless she needs something. And she just wanted…conversation?”

“Your guess is as good as mine,” You paint on a smirk even though your heart is racing. She had seen you with Rodrick, holding hands (completely his fault!), and he couldn’t be any less interested in her! You just know your fate is sealed.

“Well, let’s get this shit paid for and go.” He grabs up your food and you grab the slushies.

With everything paid for, you guys hop back into the van and head into the trail a few blocks down. It wasn’t anything official, but you hadn’t gotten in trouble for being out here, so yall just kept going.

You park the van and head into the back, opening the doors for some fresh air.

“So are you ready to tell me what’s up?” Rodrick asks after a few sips of his slushy abomination.

“I told you that I’m just exhausted.” You keep up your front.

“And I told you that you lie like my mom,” he sighs. “So you might as well just spill it.”

“It’s just something that me and my family have to deal with, you don’t have to worry about it!” You know if you bring your family into it, he’ll stop pushing it because he knows your parents don’t play.

“Ok, ok, I’ll let it go.” He raises his hand in defense.

You don’t respond, and you guys are submerged into silence once again. You exchange looks when you don’t think the other is looking, but besides that you take in the forest around you.

Heather could never experience these moments with Rodrick and understand how precious it is. Rodrick has always been the weird “bad boy” (people literally only say this because of his clothes and that makes you roll your eyes) who some of the girls wanted but if it got out they did like him, they’d be made fun of. You see how some of the girls look at him when he isn’t looking, and it hurts your heart. You know they have more of a chance than you ever would.

But with you, he was never like this. He was the goofy, caring friend who’d drop everything if you said the word. Heather only sees him as an object that gives her affection, but you see him as he truly is; a guy who loves and just wants it back. He just wants to be seen.

“Y’know you’re my best friend, right?” You blurt before you can think about it.

“Only took you a year to be genuine about it,” he nudges your shoulder.

“What?”

“The ferris wheel.” He states like you’re just supposed to know. And you do.

“You still remember that?” You gape.

“Anyway, yes I am your best friend, just like how you’re mine.” He grins at you, and then he drops it, “you’re not planning anything are you?”

“Oh my god, a guy can’t express his appreciation for his best friend?” You throw your hands up.

“I’m watching you,” he squints his eyes and points at you.

You get a text from your mom wondering where you are, and that’s the end of your little outing with Rodrick.

When he drops you home, Heather is the furthest thing from your mind, even though you know holding Rodricks hand (even though it wasn’t even purposely!) would be a slight against you.

—

Over the next two weeks, Heather's empty threat went to the back burner of your mind. If she wanted to out you, it would’ve happened by now. I’m safe, you sighed in relief.

Rodrick continued not to go up to her in the morning, but if she talked to him he definitely talked back. It seemed to calm her attitude toward you now, but it still was a hot seat around her. Like now, she’s passing around flyers for her party this weekend and intentionally passed by you.

“Rodrick, you’re definitely coming to my party this weekend, right?” She bats her eyelashes. “I need your band Soiled Diper to play!”

“It’s Löded Diper,” you correct and she glares at you, “and when have you ever wanted us to play anywhere near you?”

“Us?” She scoffs at you. “I just want the main band, not some wannabe.”

“Woah,” Rodrick stops her. “(Y/N) is an actual part of the band, so no him, no band.”

“Him? If that’s what you wanna say, sure.” And to the untrained ear it could just be her upset that he isn’t going along to exclude you, but you know what she means. As you perk up and look in her eyes, she’s already looking at you with a knowing smirk.

She knows. FUCK how does she know?

“I’m fine with not going, Rod,” you try to sway him. This cannot be fucking happening.

“No, it’s either all of us or none of us.”

Of course now he wants to be a fucking hero right now. He doesn’t get that this is social suicide FOR ME! Social homicide? Not important right now.

“Ok,” she has that sugary sweet fake smile. “Don’t come, then. Remember what I said.”

That last part was for you, you know it, and your blood runs cold. Fuck.

The rest of the day you’re on the edge of your seat, thinking what she might do. How the fuck did she even find out? You weren’t on social media much pre-transition, so barely any photos of you before exist. And like you said, your medical records were locked up tight.

Whatever, you try to convince yourself. She won’t do anything! She would’ve already.

You make it home with no one running around talking about your biggest secret, so your anxiety has allowed you to breathe again.

You decide to finally talk to your mom about this because who else will understand?

“You’re right to be afraid, but you’re also right about her doing it when she finally found something on you.” Your mom rubs your hair as you lay in her lap.

“It’s like I can’t get into her mind and I seriously want to. Like what is she planning?” Your thoughts literally won’t shut up. You haven’t had to worry about stuff like this for close to 2 years, and now its like your whole world is about to collapse

“For her sake, I hope nothing because I’m not above beating a little girl's ass!” And you know she’s being for real. Your mom doesn’t play around.

“Mom,” you roll your eyes.

“So, she thinks you like Rodrick…What’s up with that?”

“You know the answer if you’re asking,” you sigh.

“Do you want any advice on that? I say you should go for it.” Your mom shrugs.

“Absolutely not, because if this does come out I don’t want him weirded out by me being trans and gay.” You don’t even know if you are gay gay, but you know it’d make you that if you ask him out.

“I think you’re safe, but if something does blow, I’m in your corner.” She holds up her fist playfully to show it.

“Thank you, Mom.” You finally felt at peace with the whole thing. You trust your mom and feel like it will all blow over.

If only you knew.

The next morning, you walk with a pep in your step. You decide to walk to school, texting Rodrick you didn’t need a ride. It took a little longer to walk than drive, so you knew they’d beat you there.

When you finally showed up, people were staring at you, but it didn’t bother you much. People looked at you and the gang weirdly all the time, it just happened. It was when you finally made your way inside that all hell broke loose.

Random whispers were rampant through the hall, but when you walked by it would stop. Whatever, they were probably just talking about what you were wearing like always. You shrugged and went to find the guys.

You were right in front of them in the cafeteria and about to speak when that sugary voice stopped you, “Hey, [Redacted]!” It exclaimed.

You could’ve thrown up right then and there. You whip around to face Heather, “What the hell did you just call me?”

“Should I tell her or are you guys going to be good friends?”

“Guys, what is she talking about?” You turn to them and the look on their faces say it all.

They Know. Everyone knows.

Ben turns his phone around and you have to will yourself to not spill your breakfast out onto the concrete. It’s a screenshot from one of your parents' private Facebooks from two or three years ago with a title that stated your deadname.

The “girl” in the picture was going to homecoming, and it was obvious that it was you. Your face was softer, caked with makeup, and your hair was longer. The caption had your name and said that you were indeed going to homecoming.

“This picture was private, how the fuck?” You were whispering to yourself. You’re frozen in place, you can’t look anywhere but Ben’s phone.

“How could you hide this from your friends?” Heather fake gasps. “Pretending to be a boy? Going into the boys bathroom and locker room? What a freak!” and her whole group laughs. When you didn’t respond, she kept going, “Like, can you guys believe it? She’s pretending to be a boy to get close to you, and I even heard she had a little crush on one of you!”

That made you bark out a sob. Holy shit holy shit holy shit holy shit holy-

“It’s crazy! Right, Rodrick?” and that snaps you out of it.

You glance at him, and he looks angry. Probably at you for lying to him. You darted away, looking for an exit because all you can think about is going home. You hear your name called after you, but you don’t care.

—

“What the hell are you doing home? Classes literally just started.” Your mom asks as she’s cuddled up with your dad. You don’t answer her, and just run up to your room, sobbing.

“Woah, woah woah, hey!” They get up to go after you.

When you get to your room, you don’t close your door knowing they’re after you. You shut your phone down and just throw yourself onto your bed, trying to stop your tears.

“Son, what’s wrong? What happened at school?” My dad knocks on the open door.

“Heather Hills,” you say through your pillow. Even if your dad didn’t get it, your mom did.

“She didn’t…”

“She did though, Mom!” You cry out, turning to face them. “She outed me to the whole school! She somehow found one of your Facebooks, got into it and found an old picture of me going to homecoming, and she shared it with the whole school!”

“Are you serious?” Your dad balls up his fist.

“Not only that, but she said that I was pretending to be a guy! Said I was doing it to get close to Rodrick, basically told him I liked him, and made me seem like this big ass weirdo!”

“We need to do something about this,” your mom says, and she sounds pissed. “This has to be some sort of harassment!”

“Your mother is right, we need to contact the school-”

“NO, please,” you start. “What’s done is done, I don’t want this bigger than it is!”

“(Y/N)!-”

“Mom, please listen to me!” You’re exasperated at this point. “Heather has the whole school behind her. Her parents are RICH, so if we try to do anything, it’ll just make everything worse!”

“I don’t give a fuck about her parents! She hurt my baby and she needs to be held accountable!”

“I don’t want to be in the middle of any more drama!” You groan. “I just want to figure this out quietly and on my own. I don’t want to talk to anyone about it and I just want to be left alone!”

“Ok, ok,” your dad sighs and puts a hand on your head. “If that’s what you want, we won’t push it,” he turns to your mom, “won’t we?”

“Yea, I guess,” she rolls her eyes, but gives a weak smile. “But at any point you need any help or she does anything else, we’re in your corner.”

“Thank you for understanding.”

“Get some rest, son,” your dad pats your shoulder. “You look like you need it.”

“I’ll try.”

But you knew you weren’t going to be able to sleep. You avoid your phone because you didn’t want to be contacted by anyone, but especially Rodrick. You didn’t want to know his disgust with you, didn’t want to know how much he thought that Heather was right.

Without the distraction of your phone, your room and the house was too quiet. You could hear your parents downstairs, trying not to be angry about your situation and watching television. Your mind keeps replaying you looking at Ben’s phone, ears ringing in anger and worry. You’re so horrified, afraid you’ve lost all of your friends. You were supposed to graduate without anyone finding out. What was the point of a fresh start if you were just gonna have to deal with all that you wanted to avoid at your old home?

You hear someone knock on your front door, and even being that far away from it you heard Rodricks voice. This time you can’t stop your stomach from lurching and you run to the bathroom.

As you flush the toilet, you hear the door close and footsteps up the stairs. That makes you pray on the bathroom floor to anything that could hear you to not make you talk to him yet.

“Hey, baby, you alright?” Your mom’s voice fills you with relief and seems to calm your stomach.

“No,” you say truthfully. You didn’t feel like lying right now, “I feel like everything is over for me.”

“You heard him, didn’t you?”

“Not what he said, but I heard his voice,” you admit.

“Then I think you should answer your phone.” And with that, she leads you back to your room, kisses your forehead, and goes back downstairs.

—

You don’t turn your phone back on until the next day. You still felt sick, and no matter how much you tried to eat you just couldn’t. You stayed home from school and your parents didn’t argue, but they still had to go out for work. Not a full trip, but they had to go to the next town over.

You had less messages than you thought you would, but it’s still crazy. Drew, Ward, Chris, Ben, and even Bill messaged you, but you didn’t care about all of them because one name caught your eye. Rodrick.

It was four messages; are you home??, answer me!, i’m coming over. were the first three, but the last message was a video.

It starts staring at the floor, and then it’s pointed to a group of people. You can make out you, the gang, and Heather behind you. You take off running, but the recording doesn’t stop there.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Rodrick stands up and gets in Heather's face.

“What?” she laughs in disbelief.

“You heard what I said!”

“Are you seriously defending her over me? I thought you liked me?!” You can hear the fakeness in her voice.

“That was before you decided to spread lies about my friend! He has done nothing to you!” the emphasis on the “he” makes your eyes widen. “You’re gonna stop talking shit about my best friend to my face! You’re such a fake bitch! I don’t know how I ever liked you…”

“Don’t tell me you’re seriously picking her over me? You must be more homo than her to like that wannabe boy.”

“Are you fucking serious?” The rest of the guys pipe up and start to surround Heather.

“He is a guy, and if you think anything other than it, you must be stupider than I thought,” Ben steps up.

“And so what if I like him? Just know I don’t like you, not anymore.” Rodrick is the angriest you’ve ever seen him, it’s kind of hot scary.

“Whatever, you’re all just losers. Lets go,” she turns and walks off with her crew.

That’s where the video ends.

You couldn’t stop rewatching it in amazement. He had stood up to Heather Hills for you without hesitation. Had said he liked you to Heather Hills. To basically the entire school, if this video has already gone around.

You debate whether or not you wanted to talk to him, but your need for your best friend wins over your need to hide. You slip on your shoes and head out.

You live a little over 5 minutes away from Rodrick even though he drives you guys everywhere. You know you could’ve told him to come over to your house, but it’s nice to finally get some fresh air. Plus, his mom was always nice to see when you went over his house.

When you get there, you see his van parked in the driveway near the garage. You have to hype yourself up to knock on the front door, but once you do it’s like a wave of nausea comes crashing over you.

I can’t do this, oh my god. What have I-

Before you can finish your thoughts, the door opens. You half expect it to be Rodrick, but it’s just Greg.

“Hey, kid.” You do a little wave as if you haven’t met him before. Whenever you come over, you tend to see Greg and Rowley, too. Most of the time they’re just in the living room, but they sometimes come up to the attic just to get chewed out by Rodrick, especially when it’s just you two up there.

“Hey, (Y/N),” he smiles, “where’ve you been?”

“Yknow.” You wring your hands. “Around.”

You can barely get words out. Does Greg know? Did Rodrick tell his family about what his best friend is?

“Rodrick should be upstairs in his room.” Greg moves out of the way so you can step into the house. “He’s been moping up there since yesterday, I don’t even think he’s left it today.”

“He didn’t go to school?” It’s not surprising, he’s always skipping, but you know it’s because of what went down yesterday.

“Nope,” Greg shakes his head. “Look, I don’t know what happened between you guys, because he only acts like this when he can’t see you, but I think you guys will work it out. It’s like me and Rowley, just less romantical.”

“W-what-” you sputter out. “I don’t-”

“Sure, whatever you want to tell yourself.” Greg cuts you off with an eye roll. “Like I said, he’s upstairs.”

“Thanks, kid.” Your face is on fire.

And with that, you mount the stairs to the attic. Is your crush on Rodrick really that obvious that even his family can see it? And with the way Greg was talking it seems to be reciprocated. You heard it come out of Rodrick’s own mouth, but what if he just said that so Heather could leave you alone?

You’re in front of his door before you can finish your thoughts. You knock, ready to get this over with.

“Mom, I told you I’ll be ok, just leave me alone!” You hear him call out.

“Not your mom, last time I checked.” You say, a soft smile grows on your face from hearing his voice.

You hear him leap up off of his bed and trip over something, but it doesn’t seem to phase him as he runs to open the door.

“(Y/N),” he breathes out.

“Hey,” you can barely look him in the face. “Can I come in?”

“Yea, yea, come in!” He pulls you through the door.

Once in his room, it’s like you’ve never set foot in it. You don’t know what to do, where to sit. It all feels new to you for some reason.

“Dude, just sit down somewhere.” Rodrick laughs at your newfound confusion.

You decide to sit on his bed, which you do every time you come over. You and Rodrick always sit on opposite ends of the bed so you can look at each other, which this time is no different.

You just sit there, staring at each other. You decide to break the ice. “It’s true, all of it. I don’t know how Heather got that picture, but I was a girl for most of my life up until now. Please, don’t hate me.”

“I’m not going to lie, it made me mad that I had to find out through Heather Hills,” he sighs, “but then again it’s none of my business. You were doing it to protect yourself, so I get it and I don’t have a right to be mad. I could never hate you over something like that though.”

You just sit there with your mouth open. You knew subconsciously that he couldn’t have hated you, but you had grown up hearing all the hatred people had for people like you. You had no choice to be on the defense when coming over here, no matter what you heard.

“I just-” You start. “I just, I know you’re my best friend, and I should’ve trusted you with this, but I couldn’t. I’ve never had anyone but my parents know. Their families don’t even know, that’s the whole reason we moved here.”

“Would you have ever told me?” He asks, kind of quiet.

“Maybe.” You shrug honestly. “I was too worried about trying to survive high school without a slip up to think that far ahead.”

“Oh,” is all he answers.

It’s another drowning silence. You’ve never had an awkward silence in your entire friendship, this is freaking you out.

“Did you watch the video I sent you?” Rodrick speaks up.

“Yea, it was the first thing I saw when I turned my phone back on.” Another beat of silence. “It was the only reason I came over here to talk to you.”

“Did you watch the whole thing?”

“Only a hundred times,” you smile evilly. “I love watching that barbie wannabe get put in her place.”

“Yea, that was great to do,” his voice lowers, “but that’s not what I was talking about.”

“I know.” You whisper and look him in the eyes.

You just sit there staring at each other, and then Rodrick looks down at your lips. It was so quick you could’ve missed it if you blinked, but you saw it. Just go for it.

“Are you going to kiss me, or just think about it?” You try to sound confident, but it ends up a quiet squeak.

His eyes widen, but he begins to inch over to you until you’re pressed up against each other. “Is this okay?” His whisper tickles your lips.

You just nod, eyes never leaving his. You don’t know who leans in first, but your lips are together in a flash. Your grip on his shirt is tight, as if when you let go it’ll all disappear. Your mouths almost move in unison, like you’re trying to devour the other. You can barely breath, feeling like this isn’t real. You dreamed about this moment for so long and now that it’s here it’s like you’re ascending.

You are the one who pulls away first, needing to breathe. Rodrick doesn’t seem like he wants to stop, kissing down your jaw to your neck. While you're breathing softly, you hear a knock at his door. That doesn’t stop Rodrick though.

“Rodrick,” you breath out as a warning.

“Hm,” he hums indifferently. Before you both know it, his door opens.

“Rodrick, you need to leave this- OH MY GOD!” His mother screams out.

“MOM!” Rodrick jumps away from you in fear and shock.

You’re all just stuck looking at both of them staring at each other before you break the silence.

“Hey, Ms. Susan…”

After that you are put through a lecture with his mom and dad. You guys can’t be upstairs alone without Greg being a buffer, door open at all times even with the other guys there. They, of course, texted your parents about what they found so that's gonna be fun to go home to. But you felt like none of that mattered because you got what you wanted. You didn’t lose your friends, and you even gained a boyfriend.

He offers to drive you home, which you take because you want to be close to him for a little longer. So you wave goodbye to his parents and get into the van.

You hold hands on the way to your house.

—

“We’re glad you decided to come back to school,” Rodrick squeezes your hand. “It’s been so boring.”

“First of all, I was gone one day,” you roll your eyes in fake annoyance. “And second of all, you literally didn’t even go yesterday!”

“But it’s always boring whenever I don’t get to see you, baby.” He wiggles his shoulders against yours.

All the guys groan in fake disgust. “Yall are so corny, break up already.” Ben gags.

“I didn’t even say anything!” You throw your hands up, taking one of Rodricks hands with you.

“Cringe by association.” And you roll your eyes in true annoyance.

“Are you sure you’re ready to go back?” Rodrick interrupts. “We could just go back to your house and hang out for the day.”

“I’m sure you’d love that,” you shove his arm, “but if I keep skipping, it’ll be like she won. Plus I’m not losing my straight A streak because of that bimbo.”

“Fine,” he huffs. “I can’t wait for the last day, school is so boring.”

“I thought without me it was boring?” You raise an eyebrow.

“You know what I mean.” He kisses your cheek.

“Yuck,” one of the guys laughs out behind your back.

“Shut the fuck up so we can get this day over with.” You flip them off.

You’re, of course, joking because you know you couldn’t have gone through this without them. After your talk with Rodrick, you all had a group hangout and talked through all of this. They let you know the whole time that they were 100% on your side. They were your boys and you were theirs.

Maybe the rest of the year won't be hell. You got the guy, smited the girl, and even if you were outed, you had all the friends you needed with you already. You were going to be fine.

[najlepsiznajlepsich]

cardigan

pairing: lando norris x reader

word count: 2.7k

warnings: alcohol consumption, cursing, angst (a bit), lando and reader are teenagers (for the most part)

author's note: im sorry for any mistakes, or if i missed a warning, this was supposed to be really inspired by Taylor Swift's cardigan but i got kind of lost in the plot lmao

*

Oh. How you loved this. Giggles of you and your friends were echoing through the house. No one even had an idea of what they were talking about, and half of the words coming out of their mouths were slurred. You weren’t sure about what was going on. Except for Lando’s burning touch on your shoulder. It felt too good. 

Being completely lost in the moment, you nearly didn’t even hear your phone ringing. You reached for it and walked into a different room. You didn’t read the name of the caller, and you should’ve, because when you picked up, your mom started berating you. 

She hung up and you walked back to where your friends were having the time of their lives. “I’m going home, guys.” You said and grabbed your jacket that was thrown over the sofa. The ‘why’s’ of your friends were filling your ears. “I’ll drive you.” Lando jumped up and dragged you out of the house. 

“Mom. Don’t worry I’ll come home in a few hours.” You blurted out. “Oh no, young lady. You’re coming home right now!” she raised her voice and continued.

"When you’re an adult you can do whatever you want! But you’re not, so you’re coming home!” You sighed. Really? “Okay. I’ll be home in a bit.” 

“For who did you get all dressed up like that? I’m surprised you can even walk in them.” Lando commented on your heels as they clicked against the cobblestone path. You just giggled and sat in the passenger’s seat. “You seem too happy, did you want to get out of there or something?” you asked as he started driving. 

“Well, you know I prefer 1 on 1 conversations. That was too much chaos.” “I doubt that you party lion.” He smiled. The car fell into a comfortable silence. As you stopped at a traffic light you felt Lando’s eyes scanning you. 

“I’ve never seen you wearing that t-shirt. Is it ne-“ “Oh no. It was my mom’s.” You cut him off and giggled. “Vintage. So adorable.” You both exploded into laughter at the mean girls reference. He stopped in front of your house and you wished that the ride would last longer. You thanked him and got out of the car. 

You felt his eyes following your silhouette as you walked inside. The front door shut and you leaned against it. “Mom already went to sleep,” your dad said and you exhaled deeply. “Oh, Lando drove you home. He’s such a nice young man isn’t he?” You rolled your eyes and rushed towards your room. 

Lando knew you too well. Putting on those high heels was one of your biggest regrets and they were kicked off immediately. You could barely bring yourself to remove your makeup and change your clothes. But somehow you did. Finally, the bed sank under your body and your mind was already drifting off. 

Your phone beeped. Lando. 

Hope you can hang out next weekend :). 

Oh shit. You totally forgot you’re turning 18 next weekend. 

I def can, mom didn’t say anything. You giggled to yourself as you sent the message. 

She was asleep. Wasn’t she?  

You burst out laughing.  Yeah, and? 

His message popped up immediately: Go to sleep Y/N. Well, why argue.

*

That week went by too fast. School didn’t give you a chance to take a break. But, Saturday rolled around, and now you’re 18. Isn’t it crazy? Only, if you could actually enjoy it. 

There were so many family members in your house, half of them you didn’t even know. And now you were thinking if your mom hasn’t just turned your birthday party into a family reunion. It was too boring. The time went by even slower than when you were in school. You just did your job. Talked to everyone, you even smiled at them politely. 

After a long long time, it was finally silent. Just you, your dad and your mom. And you probably jinxed it, because your phone started ringing. “Ugh, another cousin calling.” You thought before you picked your phone up. Could not be more wrong. 

It’s Lando. 

“Yeah?” you picked up. 

“Don’t you want to go somewhere? Somewhere out?” He spoke slowly.

 “Oh. Uhh, sure? Where are you right-““Outside your house, come out.” He laughed into the phone and hung up. 

You grabbed the closest thing you could put on and walked outside. Your mom’s cardigan. Your feet carried you outside, while your brain wasn’t sure of this. Whatever. 

“Hii!” Lando yelled and hugged you. “Happy birthday! Come on!” He started walking away instantly. “Hey! Where are we going?” You ran after him. “Don’t you want to relax by the lake?” He said, shutting you up immediately.  

Like always, it was quiet. Ducks floated on top of the lake and some insects you weren’t able to recognize flew around you. This was so peaceful. It was like a whole new world. That's just what you needed.

“Look at what I got you,” Lando spoke up. He pulled out two small bottles of alcohol from his pocket and threw one into your lap. “Come on” he muttered as he unscrewed the cap off his bottle. You let him open yours too. 

“I really want to see your reaction,” he laughed as he handed it back to you. You didn’t waste any time as you brought it to your lips and took a sip. Your nose scrunched instantly, and that’s all Lando needed to burst into laughter. “Try mine.”

One sip turned to two, and then it went downhill pretty quickly. “Come on Lando!” You whined as you dragged him behind you. “I have to get home!” You giggled. He pulled you into a hug, which you didn’t mind. Your whole body was cold, and he had a warmth you couldn’t explain. 

It was dark already and the only light that illuminated you was a streetlight right above you. “You’re so warm. I’m freezing.” Lando grunted. Huh? “No, you’re the hot one.” You forgot how to think, and it was obvious by now. “Wow. Thank you.” He just chuckled while you were endlessly defending yourself. Ugh, it’s not like he’s a genius when he’s drunk too. 

And just right after you both calmed down, a song started to play from a nearby house. “How loud did he put it on, if we can hear it here?” You burst out laughing. “Don’t laugh. Dance with me.” Well, who were you to deny that request?

His touch was a tingling sensation on your skin, something you wished you could feel forever. He danced slowly, probably to not make you throw up from the moves. And while you felt sick, it all felt like a beautiful dream. Something not real. It was just too good. 

“Lando…Home” you whispered into his neck, and without a protest he started walking you home. Supported you, caught you when you stumbled, then opened the front door of your house. You kicked off your shoes and sat on the floor. “Okay, goodnight, pretty.” He said in a hushed voice as he shut the door behind him and blood instantly rushed into your cheeks.

“Had a nice night out, young lady?” Your tired dad walked out of the kitchen and went to pick you up from the floor. “Let’s get you to bed.” He suggested and you exhaled. “Please don’t tell mom, please dad.” “I won’t, just go to bed.”

*

And it’s Monday again. Ugh. You hated your Monday classes, especially physics. Your brain couldn’t understand anything at this hour. You nearly fell asleep numerous times, and your blinking turned into microsleep. Your phone, which wasn’t charged from last night, vibrated in your pocket and you reached for it.

Of course, it's Lando. 

Are you free after school?

Yeah. You typed out a quick response and stuffed your phone back into the pocket. 

And until lunch you were walking around with the biggest grin on your face. Like a little kid with a lollypop. Except, you needed to show Lando's response to your girls.

I'll wait for you in front of the school, ok? You read the message aloud to them, who couldn’t refrain themselves from aww-ing. “He definitely wants you.” Your best friend giggled and you rolled your eyes. A chorus of agreement came from all sides of the table. “We’re just friends, I swear.” “Yeah… But you’re in love with him.”

*

Finally, out of the school. Seeing Lando wait there for you made your heart jump a bit. Maybe your friend was right. “Come on, they're waiting for us.” Lando smiled and started walking. “Who? If I can ask?” “Oh, right, just some of my friends.”

Well, you found out that you have a different definition for “some friends”. You expect just your closest friend group. Not another 10 people. And you had no idea who they were. You and Lando sat down on the grass next to them. 

“I need to do my homework.” Lando proclaimed and you burst out laughing. “You? Homework? Good joke.” “It’s actually important, you know?” Lando said with a quiet voice while everyone was laughing. But they moved on from that really quickly. Now they were gossiping about some random people.

Lando kept scribbling into his notebook. Scribbling a whole lot of nothing. “What the hell are you doing?” You whispered and he shushed you. “I don’t want to be here.” He muttered and started doodling on your arm. “Aren’t these your friends?” “I don’t like them.” You scoffed but didn’t question him further. 

As you were sitting there for longer and longer, more messy stars and hearts appeared on your arms. Lando was studying you instead of that homework. “When did you get this one?” He asked and you could hear the tiredness in his voice. “Remember when I tried to learn how to skateboard?” He giggled. “No way.” He yawned, and you continued telling him that story.

It didn’t take long and he was already sleeping on your shoulder. How were you going to get him home? You answered your own question almost instantly. Well, that’s just a future you problem. 

*

Lando calling you to hang out on the weekends became a routine. A comfortable routine that you loved and appreciated. Until it stopped. Unannounced. And you had no idea why. The thought lingered around in your mind. Maybe, he just got bored of you.

Then one weekend hangouts were revived. He called you. Your heart stopped for a second. 

“Hi. You wanna go somewhere out?” he asked, the connection breaking towards the end of the sentence.

“Sure.” You said into the phone, trying so hard to be cool. 

“I’ll come pick you up in 10.” He blurted out and ended the call. 

You haven’t talked to him in so long. Now he sounds totally different. You put on some random clothes that were thrown over the chair and bolted outside. Surprisingly, Lando arrived sooner than he promised. No problem.

But just as you were about to open the passenger door, you noticed a girl sitting there. Okay, so now you’ve been demoted to the backseat. You jumped there and Lando turned around to look at you. 

“Okay, so the teachers said I have to show her around the town. You don’t mind being my assistant, do you?” Lando explained the situation very quickly. Too quickly. “No, not at all,” he smiled and the girl smiled back.

It was the foreign exchange student. You had English with her. The reason you remember her is just because she always talked about her weekend with Lando. Yeah, you were jealous. And what? 

He started driving around showing her all your spots. Where you had the best times of your lives. And now she knows them too. Ugh. Your secret spots weren’t secret anymore. And of course, she has to be the one who sees them. While sitting in your seat.

You were seething and you hated it. This wasn’t fair. You just couldn’t take it. 

"Lando, can you drop me off home… My mom wants me to do something." He responded calmly. "Sure." Fuck. He really had no idea. As soon as that car stopped by your house, you jumped out. No goodbye, no see ya.  Nothing.

You stomped your way inside and when the door shut behind you. Tears poured out of your eyes. And for once in your life you were happy your mom wasn’t asleep when you came home. She just hugged you, not asking a single question. “Boys are assholes, that one definitely did not deserve you.”

*

The rest of your high school life went by fine. You and Lando stayed friends, just not as close as before. Somehow, he could not figure out why. 

The graduation day was something you were looking forward to. You liked having someone by your side, but no one could actually understand you. So the plan was to ghost them. Maybe too harsh, shame that you didn’t give a fuck. You were waiting for your parents so you could go to lunch together. Until you felt a hand on your shoulder. 

“Hey, Y/N.” Lando. Of course, it has to be him. “So… This is going to sound absolutely crazy, but…” You rolled your eyes and waited for whatever shitty idea he was about to introduce you to.  “Do you want to travel around the country with me?” He asked, not sure if you were even listening. “I have classes I don’t have to attend and I’ll do my assignments on the road.”

“I can’t do that, are you crazy? I got into a good university and I won’t do some random shit with you, just because you want to.” You snapped at his unawareness. “I actually value my education-“ “I do too, please, it would be so fun.” He whined out. “How about you go ask your perfect best friend. I’m sure she'd love to go with you” His eyes went wide. 

“Is this all because of her?” “All? What is that?” you asked, clearly mocking his voice. “You’re avoiding me, not wanting to hang with me and now you’re a bitch about it. I didn’t know you were so jealous.” He scoffed and walked away from you. 

“Enjoy that dumb trip!” You can’t believe this is how your friendship ends. You can’t believe that you’re still in love with that asshole.

*

And as pathetic as that sounds, every day of your university life you regretted saying no to Lando. That little crush didn’t go away. Your mom just couldn't stop showing you photos from his social media accounts (that you had blocked). And it was like he was haunting you. 

When you were walking through your hometown, you were thinking about the good memories you made. 

Men who wore cologne like his made you stop in your tracks. 

The conversation on that graduation day was like a song you couldn’t stop playing in your mind. 

You wished that the stars he drew on your skin were permanent tattoos.

You cursed him out for not being more convincing that day. You cursed out that girl for blinding you with jealousy. You didn’t see the truth because of the dark green haze.

He was everywhere, but still nowhere. You were sure you had developed hallucinations by now. 

And there wasn’t a night you weren’t thinking about what could’ve happened if you said yes. If wouldn’t cut him off. If you both just matured and stopped acting like nothing was wrong. If you started dating instead of tiptoeing around a label. 

Fuck. If only you weren’t dumb teenagers.

*

Back home for holidays. And everything reminded you of him. Even your house wasn’t safe. Your parents decided to visit your neighbors, and you swore you’d go crazy in that time. 

It’s hard being always correct. All the photos you hung up on the wall were with Lando and you didn’t know if to smile or cry. But, you decided to stop emotionally destroying yourself and went to the living room. You couldn't handle being in own room. That sounds crazy. Just as you got comfortable, the doorbell rang over the opening of your favorite TV show. 

Aren’t they home just too soon? Maybe they just forgot something. But as you opened the door you nearly got a heart attack. 

Lando.

“What are you doing here?” You asked, your voice soft like never before.

“You’re here. I can’t believe it.” He stammered.

“Of course, I’m here. Why are you so shocked?” you responded. It was like both of you were on thin ice. One bad word or move and you’ll both fall apart.

“I’ve been trying to apologize to you for so long, but you’re never here.” His voice trembled. 

“You’ve been waiting for me?” Your eyes were full of tears and a smile formed on your quaking lips.

“Of course, I always loved you.” 

[augustvandyne]

An Addie ask for you!

Addie sees y/n getting hit on at a bar, which y/n he clearly uncomfortable with. Addison swoops in and saves the day

this just drew my attention immediately and i actually need this to happen to me. friend addie who swoops in to save reader, but reader has a fat crush on addie?????

also a tiny bit of angst

saving grace

You grimace as a big whiff of scotch reaches your nose. This man has been talking for at least twenty minutes about something you didn’t care about, and he wouldn’t go away.

He also kept inching closer to you, and you sat up straighter by the minute, ready at any time to reach for your pepper spray.

You look around the bar once again, looking for someone - anyone from the hospital. But there’s no one here.

You’ve stopped turning your head when someone comes in the door, because you’ve honestly lost all hope for a saving grace.

You huff out a sigh as he changes the topic to his job for the twelfth time. You were tired of hearing about how his work crush turned him down and that he needs someone to fulfill his needs.

You tense when you feel a hand grab your hip, but relax a bit when the familiar smell of Addison’s perfume reaches your nose.

“Hey,” Addison smiles, leaning down to leave a kiss on your cheek. “Go along with it.”

“Hi love,” You smile up, leaning up to place a small kiss on her lips.

It wasn’t hard for you to pretend to be with Addison, because you already wish you were. And you’d be lying if you said you’d never fantasized about it before.

“How was your day?” Addison takes a seat on your side, moving to push the man out of her way.

Your cheeks heat slightly, “Fine.”

“Derek wasn’t treating you bad again, was he?” Addison frowns.

This was all normal conversation to you, but it held more intimacy than normal. Probably because you just had your first kiss. You loved it.

“Hey, lady!” The guy slurs.

Addison holds up her pointer finger to silence him, “Because I’ll talk to him for you.”

“Oh, you don’t have to,” You shrugged and look down at the counter. “It’s my fault for messing up.”

“Hey,” Addison shakes her head, tilting your head towards her again. “Don’t say things like that.”

“I mean..” You sigh. “He’s not lying.”

“Y/n,” Addison frowns. “You’re extraordinary. If Derek can’t see that, then maybe you should study under another neurosurgeon. Or even switch specialties all together. Come work with me.”

You shake your head, letting out a small but breathy chuckle, “Maybe.”

“I’ll request you for next week,” Addison gives you a look, and you’re lost in her eyes for a minute.

“Hold on,” She tells you, turning in her seat. “If you don’t stop breathing in my ear, I will kick you in a place you don’t want to be kicked.”

“Sorry lady,” He put his hands up. “But that’s my date. We were here first.”

“That’s my girlfriend,” Addison turns her body, her hand on her hip, and her head tilted. You imagine her eyebrows are raised, because the man backs off, going to bother someone else.

You let out a sigh, “Thank you, Addie.”

“Of course sweetheart,” Addison shrugs it off.

“No, really,” You smile gratefully. “I almost maced him. If you had been a few minutes later.. I might have been facing charges.”

Addison laughs at that, “I don’t doubt it. I see you gripping your spray.”

She grabs your hand and removes it from your pocket.

A tingling sensation is left on your skin after she lets go, and you look away, embarrassed, because you know none of this would ever be real.

“Thanks for the help,” You put some money on the bar table. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Why?” Addison stands. “I just got here.”

“I’m tired,” You try to shrug it off, but she isn’t having it.

“Did he actually do something to you?” You see fury growing in her eyes. “Or was it Derek? I’ll talk to him tomorrow, just stay here.”

You shake your head, “No.. it’s not that it’s..”

She looks at you like she’ll listen to whatever you have to say, but you know it’s not real.

“You know what? It’s nothing,” You laugh at yourself bitterly, pushing the door to the bar open, and breathing in the fresh air.

“Talk to me,” Addison grabs your wrist, pulling you back into her.

You spin into her arms, your hands landing on her shoulders while her hands are on your back. Your breath is caught in your throat at how close your faces are.

“Addison..” You bite the inside of your cheek. “You don’t feel it, do you?”

“Yes, Y/n. I have for a while now,” Addison admits softly.

“Me too..” You smile. “Since you started here and gave me my first cup of coffee from you.”

Addison smiles at the thought.

“Can I kiss you?” She asks, lifting a hand to your cheek.

“Please do,” You nod vigorously as her lips meet yours.

[lukehughes43]

dial drunk

trevor zegras x reader based and inspired by the song "dial drunk" by noah kahan.

warnings: drinking, angst, lots of angst, swearing, a few mentions of sex word count: 17,332 i'm sorry😭

“hey y/n/n, it’s uh, it’s trevor.” 

his words were slurred together into one big drunken mess which trevor always turned into when he was home in bedford at the same time as you. despite everything telling you to delete the message right then and there, you kept listening, feeling as if there was something you needed to hear from his drunken ramblings.

“fuck i don’t even know why i’m calling you,” his laugh had a melancholy feeling to it, “i just remembered i promised to forget you, doya remember that, y/n/n?” 

of course, you remembered. you were the one who made him promise to forget all about you after your less-than-clean break-up nearly three years ago now. thinking that it would be best for both of you and selfishly more so better for yourself. 

“but i broke that promise, just like i broke so many other promises, right y/n/n?” there was a painful silence as it seemed as if he was waiting for you to answer him. only it was a voicemail, and you were never going to answer him. “wrong.” it was a hissed out slur. one that caused your heart that was finally taped together to slowly unravel. “i never broke any promises to you, y/n, well except this one.” 

trevor let out a sigh, “i uh, i’m only making this fucking call because i have to tell you something. because i called you two nights ago. you hung up on me. you didn’t call me back.” he was hiccuping between words, whether it was because he was drunk or on the verge of having a breakdown was unclear to you. “i don’t like it, that they called you. that even after all this time i’m still so fucking in love with you i gave them your name y/n. your name. in a city full of my family and friends, but i said your name.” that’s when the tears fell. 

for both of you.

you listened to him fall apart from the safety of your childhood bedroom that still had pictures of trevor and you lingering around it. hands tugging at the loose thread of your duvet as his sobs rang throughout your ears like your dial tone did when he tried calling you last night - surprised that he managed to hear your honey-sweet voice on your voicemail outgoing. 

“i just wanted you to know that - that i don’t like that i gave them your name as my emergency phone call as they threw me in the cop car.” there was a long sigh before a forced laugh fell from his lips, “and one more thing, the cops? yeah, all of them thought you were wrong for hanging up on me.”

there was another beat of silence and you knew it was because he was contemplating what to say next. if he even wanted to say something, or just hang up on you, your voicemail, like you had him two nights ago when he was hurt and needed you. 

he let out another shaky breath before he contiuned speaking, sending you into a crippling mess. “i dial your number drunk, y/n. honestly, at this point i’ll probably die a drunk, but that doesn’t change the fact that i would still die for you.”

and just like that, the message was over. trevor’s normally smooth voice was gone, the only thing to be heard was the sound of the rain falling against the glass of your window and your heart shattering in the pit of your stomach once more. 

----

being back in bedford was normally exactly what trevor needed to rest from the demanding schedule of the nhl. normally being the keyword in that sentence. bedford had lost its calming effect on trevor the moment you had broken up almost three years ago. now he only had a sense of calm in his hometown when you were stuck away in boston because of school. what happened when you were in bedford at the same time? trevor turned into a drunken mess, days blurring together and not in a good way, praying that the alcohol would help suppress his feelings if he were to run into you. hoping that it would help him forget you like he had promised that night you stood across from each other in the cold new york air. 

only it never did, despite how hard he tried. 

meaning the time trevor spent in bedford grew shorter and shorter each time he came to visit his family. reaching the point where he spent the entire summer split between the hughes lake house, and jack and quinn’s shared home in michigan last year just to get away from the pain you still caused him. 

pain caused based on the fact you refused to love him anymore, and he still wasn’t sure why. 

trevor and you had been together for four years before you decided to break up with him before he left for world juniors in the winter of 2020 (in which he went on to win mvp and a gold medal). you were crazy about each other and had been since you first met. your relationship had made it through two different long-distance periods, was going to make it through a third before you ended it, and everyone was convinced you were going to get married. that’s why you ending it blindsided him as much as did. sent him into such a spiral that he had no choice but to take out his emotions during the world juniors tournament and walk away the highest-scoring american since jeremy roenick. 

after winning gold and heading back to san diego he was fine. at least that’s what he told everyone - including himself. in reality, he was drowning every night in his tears and not drinking alcohol, yet. the drinking started that summer. 

he was out to eat with his family on the main stretch of roads that ran right through bedford. his world stopped as he watched you walk across the street, laughing along to something your best friend gracie had said. the wind was taken right from his chest as his green eyes stared at you, willing you to look over at him, to see him, to will him back to breathing. only you didn’t even turn your head in his direction, instead ducking inside the little coffee shop and sitting at a table full of friends he recognized from your grad party. 

that was the first time he had seen you since you broke his heart into a million different pieces, and it was the first time he felt the need to drink himself to sleep while in the same city as you. each time he’d seen you since then had gotten more complex and harder for him. causing him to keep reaching for whatever bottle he could get his hands on once he was safe from the curse of you. 

leading up all to this moment in time. june seventh, two thousand and twenty-three. 

his hand was shaking as he reached for his phone, throat dry despite the empty corona bottle that rested in the cup holder of his plastic chair. your contact was taunting him, your e/c eyes staring back at him from the picture he had never changed. your entire contact in his iphone remained as it did three years ago, “y/n/n<3” right in the middle of the screen, and the picture of you hoisted up on his back at the draft staring back at him right above it. 

there wasn’t a chance for him to even think about what he was doing, not that he could because he was far from sober after all, the dial tone was filling his ears. as trevor sat and waited for you to pick up the phone it felt as if the entire world was on the verge of falling apart around him. he thought it was about to end completely when the dial tone finally came to an end, only instead a recording of your voice filled his ears:

“hey, it’s y/n! sorry i missed your call, i’ll call you back as soon as i can. until then, smile at a stranger and make their day. bye!” 

the twenty-two-year-old had to choke back a sob at the sound of your voice for the second time in three years. he’d never made it this far before, to your voicemail, normally he hung up after the second ring of the dial tone. that was until two nights ago when he called you from the police station after the ride in the back of the cop car. now he was struggling with what he wanted to say to you in the first place, the drunk thoughts overpowering his sober thoughts that he was originally called to try and say. 

“hey y/n/n, it’s uh, it’s trevor,” he began. silently praying the slur in his words wasn’t as noticeable through the phone as if you were going to be sitting here next to him. “fuck, i don’t even know why i’m calling you.” a heartbreaking laugh fell passed his lips, hand running through his rain-soaked hair. “i just remembered i promised to forget you, doya remember that, y/n/n?” 

while he thought he could get away with slurring in his opening sentence he knew you’d hear the slurring of his words in that line, practically able to smell the alcohol through the phone that he reeked. light beer and fresh rainwater were the new scents trevor zegras was sporting, his favorite when he was stuck in his thoughts about you. thoughts like why you even asked him to promise you something like that, how was he supposed to forget you? he’d been in love with you for four years before you broke things off, you can’t just force yourself out of love. 

shaking his head he pulled himself out of his drunken thoughts to get back to the task at hand, “but i broke that promise, just like i broke so many other promises, right y/n/n?” licking his lips trevor stayed silent, wanting for a response. for your voice to cut through the patter of raindrops on the hardwood beneath his bare feet. wait for you to exclaim ‘you never broke your promise, trevor john’ only there was no answer. there would never be an answer so he hissed out, “wrong. i never broke any promises to you, y/n, well expect this one.” sighing he fell back into his chair, reaching down into the cooler next to his chair, and pulled out another beer. “i uh, i’m only making this fucking call because i have to tell you something.” he popped the cap of the corona off before speaking again. “because i called you, two nights ago.” drink. “you hung up on me.” drink. “you didn’t call me back.” drink. “i don’t like it, that they called you. that even after all this time i’m still so fucking in love with you i gave them your name, y/n. your name. in a city full of my family and friends, but i said your name.” tears began to carve a path down his tanned cheeks, mixing with the rain drops as they both fell in a perfect rhythm together. 

his sobs subsided just enough to get out the right of his message. “i just wanted you to know that - that i don’t like that i gave them your name as my emergency phone call as they threw me in the cop car.” a mix between a deep sigh and a laugh-filled the dark backyard before he left his final blow: “and one more thing, the cops? yeah, all of them thought you were wrong for hanging up on me.” 

trevor fought with himself, trying to decide if he was worth telling you. worth allowing himself to turn into the charming young man you once knew, and for a split second, what remained of his former self had shown through and he let out the confession he was terrified to hear, and more terrified of what you would do once you’d listen to his voicemail. if you even did listen to his voicemail. 

“i dial your number drunk, y/n.” tears fell down his cheeks as he allowed the self pity to wash over him. as he finally accepted the fact he was the villain in what was a once a famed love story. “honestly, at this point i’ll probably die a drunk, but that doesn’t change the fact that i would still die for you.” 

he hit the red circle so quickly that he almost cut off his final word, but he didn’t care. because now he was stuck thinking about how his downward spiral caused by you breaking up with him three years ago had hit its rock bottom two nights ago. all because he started throwing drunk punches to defend the honor of somebody he didn’t even know anymore. 

----

june fifth, two thousand and twenty-three. while to many others it was just a normal monday night at the start of summer, to you and trevor, june fifth was the biggest turning point in your no longer-existent relationship - yet neither of you knew it. 

while you were in your room getting ready for a date - only the second one you’d gone on since breaking up with trevor - your former lover was busy writing down a list of food needed from the grocery store. as you finished applying your lipstick (trevor’s favorite shade on you no less) he was across town throwing reusable bags into the back of his bronco. 

there were butterflies in your stomach as you walked downstairs to sit and wait in your living room. since trevor, this was the first time you had genuinely felt nervous over a guy. granted it was only the second date you had gone on in close to three years you still had hooked up with a couple at parties but none of them made you feel anything and left you thinking about trevor as you waited to make your escape once they’d fallen asleep. 

trevor on the other hand couldn’t keep a girl even if he wanted to. how could he when every girl he spent time with he compared directly to you - the love of his life? occasionally he’d find himself stumbling around a random girl from the bar’s apartment, but it never lasted. no matter how good the sex was, or wasn’t, he was never completely satisfied. his mind stuck thousands of miles away with you. 

your date, charlie, was over ten minutes late the next time you glanced at your phone and the butterflies in your stomach had slowly started to die. sighing you slouched back against your coach while trying to ignore the watchful eyes of your parents. both who were still pro-trevor, and made it known to you how much damage you had caused the ‘sweet boy’ whenever they had a chance. not that you could blame them though, you knew how much you hurt him. you just knew staying with him would hurt you even worse.

the star ducks player was right on schedule as he began his trek across bedford to the grocery store. waving as he drove past charlie henderson, an old friend from elementary school, having no idea that he was on his way to pick you up for a date. the blond waved back almost instantly, smiling two times as wide for two different reasons. the first being he was on his way to your house and not trevor, something he would have never dreamed of in a million years. the second was because it was trevor fucking zegras waving at him, and to be honest, he was surprised trevor even remembered he existed. 

by the time charlie pulled into your half-circle driveway, he was a total of twenty minutes late. not to mention that when he arrived he didn’t run up to the door and eagerly knock with a bright smile on his face. instead, he chose a more twenty-first-century approach with a ‘here’ text message on snapchat. what remained of the butterflies you once had in your stomach had officially died with that. sighing you pushed yourself off the couch and walked towards the entryway, “um charlie’s here so i’m gonna go. i’ll see you guys tomorrow?” 

a disappointed look painted your mother’s face, while your father began to shake his head. muttering something into your mother’s ear so you didn’t overhear him. however, as you walked out the door you did hear the comment your mother threw out, “trevor never showed up late. he always came to the door.” her words were sharp and cut deep into your heart. suddenly something that seemed to be going so well was going so terribly wrong. 

it was pure luck, rather an unfortunate circumstance, that as trevor was walking out of the grocery store as you and charlie were stuck at the red right in front of the store’s parking lot. even hundreds of yards away trevor could make out your h/c curled as your head rested against the window. in an instant, trevor’s semi-decent mood had shifted to one of pure heart-shattering agony. had he been thinking straight he would’ve remembered you only leaned your head against the car window when you wanted to go, only he was currently thinking of the closest bar as the ten minutes drive back home seemed too far of a wait for him. 

you saw him as soon as charlie rolled the car to a stop. he hadn’t seen you yet, head tucked down looking at the blacktop and his rainbow flip-flops. until by some stroke of luck, perhaps unfortunate circumstances, he looked up and saw you. his green eyes tripled in size as he stared at you and you knew it was because you were in the car with a guy who wasn’t him. your knees were already pointed towards the car door, only now they were touching the plastic interior. this had to have been a sign - seeing trevor. you wanted to curl up into yourself as you waited for what seemed like forever at this light. praying that trevor couldn’t see the way you were staring right back at him, longing to be stuck at this red light with him instead of charlie, yet you wouldn’t admit that to anybody but yourself. 

as the light turned green three things happened to three different people. 

trevor dropped his reusable bags full of groceries and ran to his car. desperate to drown his pain with the company of the strangers who filled his hometown.

y/n watched with a subtle pang in her chest, feeling as if she broke his heart all over again. tears pricked her waterline as she drove away from the scene with a man she no longer wanted to be with. 

and charlie continued to ramble aimlessly on about how he is the president of a frat at u-maine. completely obviously to the hurt, the two former lovers were going through. instead when he caught the sight of the bright yellowish-orange bronco he cut his ramblings off to say, “hey! i saw trevor on my way to pick you up. ya know, he even waved to me. i had no idea he still knew who i was. i mean he’s a bigshot nhl player now. probably pulling instagram models - girls that are way out of his league. then again he probably learned how to do that from you, right y/n/n?” 

a shaky breath left your mouth as you turned away from the window for the first time since you got in the car. “excuse me?” you huffed, arms crossing over your chest as your eyes narrowed at him. “are you implying trevor’s out of my league, charlie?” 

with a fight breaking out on a first date in the silver honda accord, an internal war was raging in the confines of the yellow bronco. with heaving breaths trevor began to pull at his hair. “she’s on a date. y/n’s on a date with charlie henderson? there’s- there’s.” his words were cut off as he began to slam his hands down against the steering wheel. trying to prevent the tears that were collecting on his lashes from falling. “fuck!” he screamed, voice rattling the glass of his windows as he did so. 

“what?! no! no-” sighing charlie shrugged his shoulders while barely glancing over at you. “i mean yeah, everyone thought so, y/n. it was only a matter of time until he broke up with you, so when news traveled back that you broke up with him. nobody believed it. i mean come on y/n/n, trevor was always going to end up in the nhl, and you’re what, going to be a kid’s doctor? yeah i dunno, like i said it was only a matter of time.” 

trevor clenched his fist before he reached forward with shaking hands to his steering wheel. starting the car and backing out as fast as he could. making sure he went in the complete opposite direction of the silver honda that you sat in, not able to bear it if he saw the two of you at the bar while he tried to drink his pain away. 

the tears fell faster than you could stop them as you stared over at him in awe. he had managed to hit every single one of your insecurities from dating trevor right on the head, and threw them back in your face like you were nothing. with trevor splitting time between the gulls in san diego and the ducks in anaheim a war had begun to grow between your head and your heart. thinking about how he could spend all of his free time with a new instagram model every night, but you knew he wouldn’t do that. not when the both of you had talked about marriage and starting a family for hours on end. only as time went on, and the bigger trevor started to get, you felt as if you were slowly falling into the shadows of his life. then there was the fact you felt as if your career wasn’t enough for him, or for your future. self-doubt was a powerful demon, working its magic to make you believe as soon as trevor was a full-time nhl player he would force you to abandon your studies for your future career and turn into a full-time nhl girlfriend who sat there and looked pretty. so by thanksgiving you had made up your mind to end things with the then nineteen-year-old. forcing yourself to slowly fall out of love with him. something you were still forcing yourself to do even after all this time. 

as soon as trevor pulled into the little dive bar a couple miles outside of town he was reaching for his phone. he scrolled through his messages for the one person who wouldn’t ask him any questions as to why he disappeared and never returned with the groceries. double clicking on the picture of his brother and him from a wrestling meet - three years ago in december - he typed out a frantic message before turning his phone off and walking into the bar:

something came up.  couldn’t get the groceries home. they’re laying in the middle of the parking lotor i’ll venmo you $200 and you can buy more

griffin zegras, while being the younger brother he loved just as hard as his older brother, and was even wiser than the eldest zegras sibling. so when he got the message from his older brother he knew right away that you came up. while he didn’t know what had exactly happened, he had a suspicion that it was something pretty drastic for trevor to drop the groceries in the middle of a parking lot and rush away to an undisclosed location. sighing he liked the message before walking towards the door, “come on av, we gotta go get the groceries.” 

an angered laugh fell past your lips as you glared over at the boy. “it was only a matter of time?” shaking your head you looked down at your phone to see that it had only taken fifteen minutes for the date to get completely blown to shit. “you know charles, i’m starting to remember why i never was interested in you during high school,” you started to explain, wiping the tears from your eyes. “because you’re a selfish asshole who gets off on the downfalls of other people, so i think it’s time you take me home.” 

“i need the strongest drink you have,” was the first thing out of trevor’s mouth as he threw himself down on the bar stool. the hood of his sweatshirt pulled over his head in an attempt to blend in with the crowd so nobody realized it was him ‘trevor zegras center for the anaheim ducks’ when all he wanted to be was ‘drunk guy at the bar number two.’ 

charlie stared over at you with a look of complete disbelief, nobody had ever called him out on his bullshit before tonight. why would they when he could just buy his friend's company with all the money his parents make? his shocked expression remained etched across his face as he pulled into a dunkin parking lot to turn around. even more shocked that he was following through with your wishes of going home when he had waited years for the opportunity to go out with you. yet here he was, giving in to you without any protest, because deep down he knew you were right. he just wasn’t willing to openly admit it. 

within the first five minutes of sitting at the bar counter, trevor had managed to completely down the moscow mule which was placed in front of him, as well as three shots of vodka. with his vision toeing the line of fuzzy and seeing straight he backed off the hard alcohol and ordered a bud light. with his buzz well in place, he knew he’d be okay to sip on a beer as you were a distant thought in his alcohol-clouded head. 

“oh hi honey, you’re back early.” the sound of your mother's voice was next to one of the last things you wanted to hear as you slowly shut the front door behind you. originally hoping that you could sneak back in without facing the questions as to why you were home. yet your parents' movie night completely ruined that plan. taking a deep breath you walked into the open space, and the scene of seeing your parents happily cuddled up together, how to lose a guy in 10 days on tv, caused you to turn into a sobbing mess. because all you could think of at that moment was how you wanted your future to look exactly like this with one certain person: trevor. 

charlie watched as you walked in your front door, and as soon as it was closed he was speeding out of the half-circle driveway towards his sanctuary: the bar. more specifically the bar that trevor was currently holed up in, but neither of them knew this. instead, both of them were both stuck in their thoughts on how to drink enough to get you off their minds. 

when you had left for your date with charlie, someone whom both of your parents didn’t think was right for you, they agreed to not say another word on the matter to you. meaning they weren’t going to bring up trevor unless you did. all they wanted was for you to be happy, and if this so-called charles henderson fellow, umaine frat president, could make you happy, then that was all they cared about. so they went along with their nightly plans of watching a rom-com, drinking a bottle of wine, and falling asleep on the couch just like they did in their first year of marriage. just as andie was about to ask ben for another diet coke at the knicks game, you opened the front door. reaching forward, your mother set down her wine glass and paused the movie before turning to look back at you, “oh hi honey, you’re back early.” your father squeezed her hand that he was holding as they both watched the tears begin to fall down your cheeks, simultaneously breaking their hearts. “sweetie what happened? you haven’t cried over a boy since tr-” immediately she caught herself by clearing her throat and restarted. “oh honey, come here.” 

time had seemingly stopped for trevor. was this his first beer or his third? he couldn’t remember anymore. while he had started as casually sipping, he soon began to finish them faster than intended as he realized he had nothing to keep him occupied other than the bottle in his hands. with his phone turned off and stashed away in his pocket, not wanting his family or the boys to have his location pinging at a bar, he was completely alone. normally when he did this at home he had the company of a friend over a facetime call. every night it bounced around from person to person. when he wanted someone to help him reflect on the past with you it was spencer, as he was the resident third wheel of your relationship, having grown across the state line separating new york and connecticut with you. on the nights he didn’t want to talk or think about you at all, like tonight, he would call jamie since he never had the chance to meet you. jamie also missed out on the man trevor was before the breakup. while he was still charming, he would change from charming to alarming in seconds, jamie always had to walk on thin glass. nights where he just wanted comfort it was griffin, as there was nothing better than brotherly love, and someone able to hold you while you fall apart. except for tonight, trevor had nobody. he was completely and utterly alone with nobody he knew: until the front door opened and in walked charlie henderson.

sniffling, you wiped away the tears that clung to your jawline before offering your parents a small smile, “can i crash date night after i change?” instantly your mother was nodding her head, your father smiling over at you softly. this gives you the chance to run up to your room and change into the only piece of clothing that could give you comfort when you heart this bad, trevor’s boston university hockey sweatshirt. the last team issued one he got before the covid pandemic shut down his college career and he signed with the ducks. when you wore the gray sweatshirt it felt like he was right there with you. holding you close and promising you everything was going to work out for the better. his scent had long faded, but the idea of it being his was what grounded you. so much so that you were reaching for your phone and his contact. 

trevor’s once relaxed body had now become rigid at the sound of charlie’s smooth voice. he was too afraid to dare to look over and risk seeing you hanging off his arm, so instead he ordered another beer and turned so his back was completely towards his former classmate. he hadn’t understood why you agreed to go out on a date with charlie henderson. in high school, he was nothing but sleazy. flaunting his parents' money around to gain the attention of girls, and the friendship of the boys in your grade. sure he was good-looking, but trevor was certain there wasn’t a single brain cell behind those dull, lifeless eyes. when he went away to avon trevor would hear all about the charlie stories through you. how you would roll your eyes every time he tried to make a move on you, always pointing out that you and trevor were still very much together. so it bewildered him that you were currently on a date with charlie ‘frat president’ henderson. then again, people change and maybe charlie had. trevor knew that he had changed for the worse, maybe charlie had changed for the better. and who was he to judge you for your choices? he didn’t even know you anymore. 

tears stung your eyes as you stared down at the contact that no longer had a name, but you would know the phone number despite the missing name, even if there was still a random selfie trevor had taken as the contact photo. why you had kept the photo but erased his name made no sense to you back then, and even less now, but that’s not what you were worried about. instead, you were worried about how your hands were shaking as your finger ghosted over the call button. your heart was beating so hard against your rib cage it was starting to hurt. you couldn’t call him, not after all this time. not after ripping his heart out and throwing it on the ground to stomp on it, all while you were still madly in love with him. you couldn’t. yet, you did. 

if trevor’s phone had been on he would’ve felt it buzz in his pocket. he would’ve set his bud light down and pulled out his phone instead. the four-year-old picture would’ve flashed across his screen, your name lighting it up at the top. tears would’ve formed in his eyes as he stared down at the eighteen-year-old versions of yourselves before swiping the answer call across his screen. he would feel charlie henderson’s eyes on him as he let out a breath with one thing leaving his lips, “y/n/n.” 

only trevor’s phone didn’t buzz, and your call would be missed as he took another sip of his beer. he was trying his hardest to tone out charlie’s voice which seemed to get louder and louder by the second as if he was trying to get under trevor’s skin. like he knew it was him sitting four stools down from him, and he knew just how to hit the twenty-two-year-old right where it hurt and choose to punch a man while he was down. he had started to bring up you. 

the moment charlie walked into the bar he had known it was trevor perched up at the counter. at first, he told himself if he was just going to leave it alone, pretend he didn’t see him like every other person in the bar, and go on with his night. drinking little fruity cocktails while he joked around with his friends to get his mind off you and the date that was a disaster. he was fine doing that until one of his dorky tag-a-long friends didn’t get the memo that they weren’t supposed to bring up the fact he wasn’t supposed to be here and said, “aren’t you supposed to be out with y/n l/n right now?” while he could’ve chosen the easy road of telling the truth, one that would shatter his ego and imagine amongst his friends, he began to see red and chose the complete opposite. he chose violence.

“hey, it’s z! sorry i can’t get to the phone right now, i’ll give ya a call when i can!” the voicemail recording caused the sinking feeling in your heart to grow even larger. sniffling you hit the big red end button as the woman's voice explained the steps of leaving a voicemail. you knew you shouldn’t have called, and that trevor not answering wasn’t a surprise to you. running a hand through your curls you slipped the phone into the pocket of his sweatshirt, pulled on a pair of shorts, and walked downstairs to meet your parents. “i’ll make more popcorn if you guys pour me a glass?” 

“yeah i was, but she was just so boring,” charlie drawled, trying to think of more lies he could say to cover for himself. “y/n l/n isn't interesting in the slightest. i really don’t get what people see in her.” as his friends kept laughing the smile on his face grew more and more. fuelling the fire that now burned inside of him. nobody called charles j. henderson out on his bullshit and got away with it. 

at first, trevor thought he was hallucinating hearing your name come out of charlie’s mouth. because there was no way charlie henderson called you, y/n m/n l/n, boring and uninteresting. so much to the point that he had to end the date twenty minutes after it started. “yeah, you don’t even understand. she was like, fake sobbing because i told her i couldn’t do it. like i’m sorry, i don’t want to spend my night with a girl who’s clearly a four.” finishing his drink he threw three twenty dollar bills down before turning in his seat to look down the bar at charlie. his blood was already boiling, yet he was still waiting for the prime opportunity to pounce on the scumbag. 

with a fresh bowl of popcorn resting on the coffee table, and three full glasses of wine surrounding it, you were finally ready to settle down on the couch with your parents to watch the movie. “we restarted it for you, honey. we know how much you like this movie,” your dad said while smiling over at you. taking note of the way you clung to the sweatshirt that was on your frame. he pressed play and you let out a blissful sigh, staring at the opening credits and thinking about how for the next hour and a half, you’d be starting at a young matthew mcconaughey who you thought looked uncannily like trevor in this movie. trying to completely forget about the fact he had sent you to voicemail. 

“i don’t think y/n’s a four,” one of charlie’s cronies replied sheepishly, pushing the salt around the rim of his margarita. “she’s like, one of the hottest girls i’ve ever seen! and i mean, she pulled trevor zegras.” charlie cringed at the thought of you and trevor happily together. all he wanted was a chance with you, and the one time he got that chance it was ruined by some stupid nhl player who didn’t even graduate college. meanwhile, he had graduated and on top of that, he did it while organizing frat party after frat party. what did trevor do? nothing! he left you up for grabs three different times because of hockey. in his opinion it was time you dumped him, even if he was out of your league, so you could settle down with somebody more like him. seeing how displeased charlie had grown with his comments in defense of you, matt the cronie, frowned before changing his tune about you. “yeah you’re right, char, she is a four. a total four! i mean, what did zegras even see in her, to begin with? probably only stuck with her because she was too ugly to cheat on him, and wouldn’t feel bad cheating on her when he left for hockey.” 

if the words charlie’s friends were spewing about you weren’t enough to get his blood boiling, then the way charlie’s lips curled up into an evil smile was. he rushed off of his stool and stomped his way over to the group, a scowl on his face as he watched all of them but charlie stare at him in awe. he was still a famous nhl player after all. “don’t you fucking idiots dare let y/n’s name leave your mouth again, or i swear to god i’ll kill you. all of you. she’s too pure-hearted and too good of a person for you to be dragging her name in the dirt. she’s the type of beautiful where you’re lucky to be in her presence. inside and out.” his nostrils flared as he heaved out every word laced with anger. “and you,” he seethed turning his full attention to charlie, “consider yourself fucking lucky someone as incredible as y/n agreed to go on a date with a self-absorbed egotistical asshole like yourself. you’re calling her uninteresting? the only thing you have to show for yourself is the fact you were a frat president at umaine, nobody gives a shit dude!” 

even with your attention on the movie you could feel the way your mother kept glancing over at you. you were an open book to her. you knew it was only a matter of time until she said you could talk to her, or asked about trevor’s sweatshirt. and as if almost on cue she leaned over to whisper into your ear. “do you want to talk about it, sweetie? it has to have been pretty bad if you’re wearing trevor’s sweatshirt. you only do that when you’re really upset.” shrugging your shoulders you reached forward and grabbed your glass of wine. praying that taking a sip would end her pestering. she ran a hand through your hair and pressed a kiss against your forehead, “whenever you’re ready, i’m ready.” only you didn’t think you’d be ready to talk about the events of this night for a long time. not until you at least figured it out for yourself, and you weren’t sure if you’d ever figure it out for yourself. 

the cronies were stifling back their laughter as they listened to trevor tear into their group's leader. only the laughter came to a halt as chalire jumped out of his barstool to stand chest to chest with the six-foot-even nhl forward. “think you’re a big man now that you’re in the nhl z?” charlie asked with a taunting tone, head tilted to the side as he just barely stared down at the hockey player. “well you’re not, dumbass. i mean look at you, you’re getting blackout drunk in a bar over your ex-girlfriend who broke up with you three years ago. you’re pathetic. just like y/n’s little dream of being a doctor.” matt and nate let out a chorus of ‘ooh’s’ like the group was still in high school, right away beginning to make small comments to each other. “maybe you guys did deserve each other, could’ve been pathetic together.” 

that’s when the first punch was thrown. 

“i tried calling him,” you whispered out only for your mother to hear. because you knew if your father heard it would be over. his hopes would get too high, and he would fly too close to the sun thinking he was about to get his best friend back. even your mother perked up hearing that you had called him. “but he didn’t answer,” you added, e/c eyes completely focused on the screen in front of you. “it’s probably for the best that he didn’t answer. i can’t blame him.” you were sniffling before burying your head in your mother’s chest. fighting back the tears as you snuggled closer to her. wondering why you had let your anxiety and the possibility of trevor and your relationship turning toxic steer you away from the only person you’d ever love.

your father listened from the other side of your mother, a frown overtaking his features while he sunk into the couch. he couldn’t help but feel as if all of this heartbreak had been his fault. he was the reason you and trevor had met in the first place. (the reason you had met spencer too but that’s beside the point right now). on the side of his day job as a pediatrician, he coached a local youth hockey team. while you played on the girl's team, your dad thought it would be best to avoid the whole politics of ‘parent coaches’ and stuck to the boys and that’s how he met trevor and spencer. you met at an outdoor jamboree at the ripe age of five, and since then you had been inseparable. it was only a matter of time until you and trevor ended up together, and nobody was happier about that than your father. trevor was the son he never knew he wanted. he just fit in with your family, with your lives. so when you came back inside that december night crying, saying you had broken up, poor d/n l/n felt like it was all his fault two of his favorite people in the world were crushed as badly and as deeply as they were. he still couldn’t forgive himself. 

trevor had swung at charlie first. his right fist splitting his lip in half. the blood coated his knuckles and the tiled floor. as he watched charlie stumble backward he turned his attention to matt first. “you know matt, i was going to spare you, but then you had to go and change your tune just for a couple of hundred bucks,” he slurred with a smirk on his face, “so i gotta do what i gotta do, i hope you can respect that man.” he didn’t give the boy chance to answer before he threw another heavy right hook. this time breaking the matt’s nose. the crunch of the cartilage breaking could be heard throughout the whole bar, and that’s what gained the attention of every bar-goer. trevor had sealed his fate as soon as the first punch was thrown.

the onlookers in the bar couldn’t believe what was happening in front of them. it wasn’t every day that a true bar fight broke out, and it certainly wasn’t every day that it was an nhl player took part in it. barry, the regular bartender, figured it would sort itself out. a couple of punches would be thrown and then the group would separate and there would be nothing to worry about. it would be a done deal. only that wasn’t what happened in this case. charlie henderson, after picking himself up off the counter, lunged forward and socked trevor right in the temple. laying it on thick enough to give the star player a black eye for a couple of days, maybe even a week. when trevor lunged forward and tackled the entitled prick to the grimy floor is when poor barry had to make the phone call to the police, seeing as matt and nate were doing absolutely nothing to help their friend, and trevor wasn’t stopping anytime soon. 

“sweetheart,” your mother cooed while running a hand up and down your back. “just give trevor a little time. you haven’t talked in nearly three years, he’s probably scared to hear from you considering the last time you saw each other…” as she trailed off you nodded along with what she was saying. she made a valid argument in trevor’s defense. if you were in his shoes, you wouldn’t answer you on the first phone call either. you asked him to completely forget you existed, so he had to have been fairly confused about why you were even trying to call him. you had never attempted to reach out to him before, but what he didn’t know is that you still kept tabs on him. asked spencer and your parents about him, sometimes even reaching out to jack if an opportunity presented itself to you. you still followed him on instagram to see what he was up to, but never liking any posts so he wouldn’t know. (he knew. he checked his following once a month to see if your name was still amongst the sea of random people he didn’t care about). you still cared about him and loved him, but he just didn’t know it, so you figured it was time to change that. if only he had answered the call. 

trevor’s knuckles burned with every punch he threw, pulling them as he knew he couldn’t beat this kid to a bloody pulp. although, if you looked at his split knuckles you would think that he had. the blood from charlie’s split lip and broken nose had coated his own on his cracked open knuckles. leaning over the man trevor tried to catch his breath before throwing one more threat his way. “don’t you ever fucking talk about y/n again. if i find out you did, i won’t be so gentle next time.” carefully he pulled himself off charlie before leaning back against a barstool, a bad decision on his part because the next thing he knew charlie was barking orders at matt and nate when he clearly should’ve sought medical attention for his broken nose.

within an instant the two cowards were pinning him down to the blood-filled floor as charlie leaned over with a nasty grin, blood dripping down to the tiles next to his dirty blond hair. 

“you’re going to wish you never threw that punch when i’m done with you, big z. cause you see, i have nothing to lose unlike you.” and with that charlie drilled him in the left side of his head, making sure that his black eye wasn’t going away for a long period of time. 

shrugging your shoulder’s you nodded, a defeated sigh leaving your lips. “yeah, i wouldn’t have answered me either,” you mumbled, curling yourself into the other end of the couch. beginning to nurse the glass of wine you were about to refill. eyes refocusing on the screen in front of you as ben and andie sat at a couple’s counselor. it was a cruel joke in your eyes now, that if you had thought of going to therapy by yourself or with trevor maybe none of this would’ve happened. maybe he’d be with you right now, cuddled up on the love seat throwing popcorn at each other while your parents looked on in awe of you. but you know what they say, dreams are for rookies. 

with each punch charlie landed on trevor’s face he felt his ego rise once more through his body. there was no doubt his left hook had broken trevor’s nose, blood having immediately started to gush from it. only that didn’t stop him. no, charlie was seeing red, while he may have been in the wrong he wasn’t going to let trevor off as easy he did him. no he wasn’t stopping until both eyes were black and blue, his nose was dislocated and resting against his left cheek, and his lips had cracks and split in them. he wanted trevor zegras to be unrecognizable when he was done with him, and he would’ve had his way if he hadn’t heard the sirens over the mood music in the bar. “oh fuck, that’s the cops!” charlie yelled, jumping off trevor. in the process, kneeing him right in the stomach. while it wasn’t intentional he couldn’t lie, he was happy it had happened. “nate, matt, we gotta get out of here. my dad still hasn’t paid my speeding tickets.” as they ran towards the front door it was pushed open by two middle-aged police officers. the ginger took in the scene in front of him, while the blond shook his head.

“nobody’s going anywhere. you’re all coming with us.” 

groaning out in agony trevor didn’t even try to pull himself off the floor. he was far too embarrassed by what had occurred to have the will to move. he was embarrassed about everything but defending your name. if you were still together and this had happened he knew you’d be giving him an ear full. telling him that your name isn’t as important as his reputation, and the status his name held. but ultimately you would cave, thanking him for defending you before the two of you fell asleep. now, he didn’t know what you would do when word got back to you. would you be mad at him? happy he stuck up for you? it would be a lie to say he didn’t care because he did. he had to know what you thought of the events that occurred. little did he know, but he would find out sooner rather than later what you thought of this little bar brawl.

“i’m going to grab the other bottle of red and make some nachos to go along with it. do either of my women need something while i’m up?” asked your father as he paused the movie, right as it was about to get good. classic dad move. your mother got up to accompany him, while you stayed rooted in your seat. finishing the glass in your hands. besides pausing movies at random times, your dad had always been a sweetheart. there was nothing more he wanted in life than to have a family, to have children. unfortunately for both your mother and father, you were the only child they were gifted with. it was a struggle to have you as your mother struggled with fertility issues, yet that didn’t damper either of their spirits, especially your fathers. during the day he thrived as a pediatrician that every parent wanted their child to go to. he had a gift when it came to children. and by night he was a resident youth hockey coach. but first and foremost he was a family man. there was nothing he wouldn’t do for either you or your mother. big or small, he was always the first person offering to help. he was the one who picked up your pieces after the breakup. he was your true confidant. he explained to you that at one point in their lives, your parents had broken up. your father was struggling to stay afloat in med school, and your mother was thriving at the bedford elementary school as a teacher. the distance, and the fact he felt he wasn’t enough for her, was enough for him to end their relationship. their break lasted almost a year until they reconnected in a hospital waiting room. it was because of your parents and your father practically doing the exact thing you did, that you even had the slightest hope you and trevor could rekindle your relationship. only, you were starting to realize, you should’ve called after year one, not year three.

“alright kid, time to get up,” the ginger officer drawled while leaning over to pick trevor up by his armpits. once he was up on his feet, the office turned trevor around and pressed him up against the bar counter, and pulled both of his hands behind his back. letting out a sigh trevor couldn’t help but shiver as the metal handcuffs were clasped around his wrists. he was soon pulled forward off the counter and was started towards the door, “you’re facing disorderly conduct. you have the right..” the officers' words trailed off in trevor’s head as he was brought back outside. the blond cop had charlie, matt, and nate huddled together on the hood of his car. he couldn’t quite make out what was being said, but it sounded as if charlie was trying to bribe the officer to not book them. the conversation was completely cut from trevor’s ear as his officer, officer collins, opened the back door, pushed his head down, and pushed him inside. as trevor stared up at him he could only think of one thing.

“wait!” he exclaimed as officer collins was about to shut the door, “my emergency phone call is y/n l/n.”

your mother came back into the room first giving you the perfect opportunity to ask. “mom, do you think there’s still a chance trevor and i end up together? i mean, like you and dad did?” she didn’t answer you, instead, she let out a sigh while leaning down and filling your glass of wine. you could tell that she was thinking of the right thing to say back to you, and that’s how you knew you most likely weren’t going to like the answer she had come up with. “you know mom, you actually don’t have to answer that. it’s silly of me to even think that we did have a chance to get back together. i blew it the moment i broke up with him in twenty-twenty.” while you were currently three glasses deep, starting your fourth, the buzz was beginning to hit you. since the breakup, red wine no longer made you horny as it once had while you were dating trevor, instead, it sent you in a downward spiral of your most inner ward thoughts. the downward spiral which was beginning to happen, yet you didn’t know how to make it stop before it got too bad. “i was so stupid to do that, break up with him. i thought we would end up in a toxic relationship. i thought we would end up hurting each other, so i chose to just hurt him instead. because while it hurt me to do, i got over it. i got over it faster than i should’ve, and every time i came home i wanted him again. i wanted us again, and this time i know i want him and only him forever.” taking a deep breath you looked up at your mother with tears forming in your eyes again, “so mom i do need to know, do you think there’s a chance me and trevor make it in the end?” 

officer collins shook his head while slamming the back door in trevor’s face. he stalled for a minute opening his notebook and grabbing his pen. quickly he scribbled down ‘y/n l/n’ before pocketing his notebook and pen and walking to the driver's door. he glanced in his side mirror to watch as officer shandy, the blond, shoved charlie henderson and the other two he didn’t know into the back of his car. he then switched his gaze to his rearview mirror to stare at trevor. he had his busted-up face pressed against his the glass window. he assumed that it was because the coolness of the glass felt good against his cut-up lips and bruised eyes. sighing he pulled his patrol car into gear and checked the mirror one more time before addressing trevor again. “don’t worry kid, we’ll get your face cleaned up then you can make your call.” 

“can i make the call first?” 

m/n l/n’s heart broke as she sat and listened to your ramblings. in a way she had felt guilty she was even hearing every word that you had begun to utter to her. of course she had thought about you and trevor getting back together multiple times. it was something she had thought of almost daily. but as time grew on she saw it becoming less and less likely of a happy outcome. she, of course, had known trevor would be more than willing to jump at an opportunity to get back together with you, it was you she was worried about. she figured as time grew on you would lose all your interest in the bedford native, so she was completely shocked to hear that you were still all in with trevor. “honey,” she sat back down next to you hands reaching forward and grabbing yours, “i think there’s a chance if you really want there to be.” she squeezed your hands before kissing the top of your head, “i wish i could discredit the words you had just said to me, but unfortunately i know that they hold nothing but the truth. but i do still believe that if you want to be with trevor then you'll find a way to end up with each other.”

“sure kid, you can make your call first if that’s what you really want.” officer collins answer had satisfied trevor to the point where he zoned out into his own little world for the remainder of the drive. by some stroke of fate, they were caught at the same red light charlie and you had been stuck at when trevor had seen you. he took it upon himself to look and see if someone had picked up his grocery bags, they had, griffin and ava having found them right away. his attention was then turned to the traffic lights that seemed to be speaking to him.

“will it be alright?” he asked, whether he spoke it out loud or if it was just in his head he got an answer regardless. as the light turned from red to green it spoke out with a defeated, “i don’t know.”

tears carved their way down your cheeks, leaving what you thought would be a permanent trail as you clung to the little bit of hope your mother’s words gave you. you cradled the wine glass close to your face, watching as your tears fell into the sea of red alcohol, trying to stop yourself from thinking about what your life would look like now if you had never broken up with trevor. thinking how you could be with him doing god knows what. maybe getting in a little trouble, maybe just spending the night in the back of his god-awfully colored bronco at the old lookout point. how he’d be busy cracking jokes, teasing you to no end, all while you playfully would shove his chest before grabbing his chain and pulling him in for another kiss. not stopping until your already swollen lips looked as if you were both stung by bees. instead, you were met with the cruel reality of not having a single clue where trevor was, or what he was doing. you were left alone with your thoughts about when things seemed as if they were never going to end and there was stuck with you: how did you ever think trevor zegras would turn out as a toxic person? 

if officer collins had been speaking to him, trevor wouldn’t have had a single clue as to what he was saying. the entire ride to the police station he was busy listening to the in-and-out crackling of the transmitter radio connected to the patrol car. he wasn’t listening to what the dispatcher was saying about situations that need police assistance, or even what the officers were saying in response to these calls. no, he was too busy listening to the static of the transmitter radio as it brought him some sort of weird comforting feeling in his drunken state. taking a deep breath to the beat of the static he sunk into the backseat, head still pressed against the glass staining it with blood and the lingering alcohol on his breath. the static helped lull him into a dreaming dazed state. one where he still had you. in his daydream, you were sitting on his lap as you and all of your friends were huddled around a fire at the hughes lake house. you had just spent the entire day wake surfing and tubing, and now you were sitting around the fire with newly sunkissed skin. the residue of s’more’s gracing the corners of both yours and trevor’s lips. you would be starting to fall asleep in his arms, lazily smiling and laughing at something cole had said before staring back up at trevor as his eyes would’ve already been on you. he was convinced that if you ever got back together his eyes would never leave you in fear of losing you again, so that’s how he pictured it. you falling asleep while staring up at him. surrounded by all of your friends, completely and utterly in love with each other. the sound of a page for officers interrupted the beauty of the transmitter radio static, as well as the daydream trevor, was lost in. groaning he smacked his head back against the headrest, starting the vicious self-loathing cycle he ended up when drunk - hating that he didn’t even know what he did wrong to have lost you. 

“how did i ever think trevor would end up as a toxic person?” 

before he knew it, officer collins was pulling open the back door again and greeted him with a tight-lipped smile. “alright kid let’s get this all over with.” sighing trevor barely nodded his head as collins pulled him out of the car, and slammed the door behind him once again. trevor kept his head down as he was led into the police station. praying that somehow, this would all work out where his name didn’t end up on page six of the local newspaper, and things wouldn’t reach the executive offices of the ducks. part of him knew it wouldn’t, not when charlie henderson couldn’t jeopardize himself or his last name either. yet as officer collins worked on taking his fingerprints he couldn’t help but begin to worry. about what you would think when you read about the charges in the local paper. what your parents would think, would they still like him? what his parents and family would say. he could already hear griffin’s voice saying ‘are you fucking stupid?’ but he was currently stuck on wondering what the ducks would say about all of this. what twitter would say, because sooner or later his entire life always ended up on twitter, it was always just a matter of time. somewhere in his train of thought, he was handed a plaque reading his name and the date for his mug shot, still clinging on to the piece of hope that all of this would get blown over as soon as charlie and his friends were brought in. he turned to the sides when told, hands tightly holding on to the black plastic in his hands. waiting patiently for his next instructions. until it happened, and he felt his heart race within the confines of his rib cage. 

“alright kid, you can go make your phone call now.” 

your mother seemed stunned at the question, you have completely caught her off guard once more. she remained silent as you tried to choke back the sobs that were about to resurface from earlier. remembering he hadn’t answered your phone call, wondering why you had felt like you weren’t enough for him, why you thought he would force you away from your dreams when he was the one who pushed you and supported you to try and accomplish them. (which you had since done. having graduated from boston college and were currently in the process of deciding which university to complete medical school at). you had helped save him countless of times before, no matter how drastic the measures you were there for him, and he was there for you. yet in your greatest time of need, when you needed him the most, you refused to open up enough to him to allow him to help combat your self-doubt and took the easy way out instead. “you lost your way for a little while, honey,” your mother finally spoke with ease to her words. trying her hardest to make you believe what she was saying. “you lost your way and lost sight of what was truly important to you other than your degree and med school, and that’s completely okay. you’re human - shit happens. you live and you learn. you lost sight of the person you loved because you were starting to lose yourself, but you’ve found your way back. it’ll all work itself out. eventually.” you threw yourself into your mother's arms, holding on to her for dear life. 

as your father walked back into the living room (trying his hardest to act as if he hadn't heard the entirety of your conversation) he couldn’t help but smile at the scene in front of him. happy you were finally allowing yourself to grieve with the loss of trevor and yours relationship, and that you were trusting your mother with this information. finally trusting in yourself to come to terms with the fact you needed and wanted trevor in your life because you loved him deeply. he kissed the top of both yours and your mother’s head before taking his rightful seat again. just in time for the sound of a phone ringing to interrupt the tender moment being shared. 

confused you pulled away from your mother's loving arms and fished your phone from the front pocket of your sweatshirt. confusion etched deeper in your face as the number popped up with a small caller id under it. licking your lips you looked at both of your parents as your heart started to race inside your chest, “it’s the police department.”

officer collins was nice enough to remove trevor’s handcuffs in order to make the call. so with shaky hands, trevor reached forward to the landline in a dimly light hallway. taking a deep breath in, he closed his eyes and punched in your phone number from memory. he could feel the tears prick at his waterline as he waited for you to pick up the phone. the dial tone rang loud in his ears until finally, it didn’t. and for the first time in three years, he heard the sound of your breathing. the silence was deafening as he waited for you to speak, desperate to hear your voice. then there it was: “hello?” 

after watching your parents shrug their shoulders you made the split decision to answer the call. you were met with the sound of breathing on the other line, mind racing as to who could possibly be calling you from the police station at this time of night. when the person on the other end of the line hadn’t spoken you took it upon yourself to. “hello?” you asked with uncertainty in your voice, and just by the sound of their sigh of relief you knew who it was instantly. “t-trevor?” it came out it in a choked back whisper, your mind not able to process the fact he was most likely in jail. “what, why are you calling me from the police station?” 

he could hear the panic in your voice through the phone, green eyes closing so he could picture what you looked like right now. the look of fear on your face from getting a call from an unknown number and it’s him. “uh, h-hi, y/n/n,” he slurred, tears slipping out of his closed eyes because he couldn’t believe it. you were on the phone with him. you were talking to him. this was real. 

this was real. for both of you. trevor was in the police station. he’d been arrested and he had chosen to call you. 

your heart dropped into your stomach as you felt anger rise through your body, yet you weren’t quite sure why. maybe it was because he had been arrested. maybe it was because the first time you’d heard from him in years was because he was calling you to come and bail him out. but at the same time, you tried to remain calm. preparing yourself for whatever it was that he was about to tell you. “so um, i’m sure you’re probably wondering what i’m doing calling you from the police station’s number.” he tried to force out a laugh, but next to nothing came out. and you could tell he was nervously waiting for your reaction.

“i mean it’s not every day you get a call from your ex-boyfriend.” your words had cut him deep. ‘ex-boyfriend’. he bit his lip in order to prevent a whimper from escaping his mouth at the dreaded word. “but then again, it isn’t every day you get a call from your ex-boyfriend who’s in jail, so yeah trev, i am wondering why you're calling me from the police station.” while your words had seemed bitter, your tone was nothing but soothing to him. he could tell you were currently trying to hold yourself together from the number of mixed emotions that had to have been coursing through your body. he also knew you meant no harm because you had called him ‘trev’. if you had called him anything other than that he knew you were over this. over him. over the phone call. over being his lifeline still after all this time. so with a small hopeful smile on his face, he started to make his case to you. 

squeezing your mother’s hand you braced for the explanation you were bound to hear. mind racing, and emotions swirling around like a tornado in your body. “i saw you,” he whispered, voice breaking as he spoke. you didn’t need to hear what he said next to know he saw you at the stoplight with charlie, moments before your desaster of a date ended. “at the lights with charlie fucking henderson of all people!” that caused your blood to begin boiling. while his opinion of charlie was accurate, it still irked you that he had to make it known he disapproved. you weren’t his anymore. you didn’t owe him any reasoning on why you went out with charlie. on why you were allowing yourself to settle for him when all you wanted was trevor, but you couldn’t tell him that. you couldn’t allow yourself to give him that satisfaction when he was rotting in a jail cell with the other drunks that had been brought in for the night. “and it just, it ruined me, y/n/n. it ruins me, destroies me, sending me into a crippling to depression to see you when i come home every summer. to see you happy, without me. to see that our relationship must have meant nothing for you to just let me go like that. without a fucking reason as to why!” you didn’t know how much more you could take of his drunken ramblings, because hearing the truth come from his lips was something you never wanted to hear. you knew you hurt him, ripped his heart out and stabbed him in the back, but you never wanted to hear him say that. to hear what it felt like for him to come home and see you. “because i still love you, y/n/n. i love you more than anything in this world. so much so that i got into a bar fight with charlie to defend you against everything him and his friends were saying about you. so much that i’m calling you from jail. i love you so much that i can’t be in bedford anymore, and if i am here i have to drink away any and all thoughts of you because i promised to forget you when you broke up with me.” 

trevor sat on the other end of the line, slumping against the white paint cracked walls. awaiting an answer from you after he had just poured his heart and soul out to you. he could hear his heartbeat ringing in his ears. felt the watchful eyes of officer collins, and now officer shandy, watching and listening to what could either break his heart all over again, or bring it back to life. 

“y/n?” he whispered out into your ear. “are you - are you still there?” the worry in his voice was evident, he thought he was about to lose you all over again, and you could feel yourself slipping away from him once more. closing your eyes you fought with the tears, your head, and your heart as you pulled the phone away from your ear. “i’m sorry, i know that it’s a lot to take in. and you didn’t ask for any of this. or want any part of me any-” his voice was cut off by the sound the sound the dial tone. your finger having pressed the red button to end his drunken pleas with you. every thought you had about wanting to with him still tonight fluttering out the window, because a villain isn’t supposed to show remorse to those they hurt, they just keep hurting them. 

the hockey player jumped up from his seated position as the dial tone filled his ears again. “no! no, no, no, no, no. y/n, baby please. please!” he all but screamed into the phone that no longer had a caller on it. officer collins and shandy both began moving closer to him, seeing this as a potential threat to himself. “fuck!” he all but raged as he slammed the black plastic back into its holder. then crumpling down into the floor. head between his knees as he sobbed to himself over losing you once again. 

“y/n, why did you hang up on him,” your mother exclaimed. shocked that you had done what you just had after pouring your heart and soul out to her about how you still loved the twenty-two-year-old, and wanted to be with him again. “what about what you told me tonight? he still loves you!” 

shaking your head you pushed yourself off the couch, reaching down for the new bottle of wine before making your way to the stairs. “and i love him,” you finally whispered out loud to both your parents. your e/c eyes stayed glued to the stairs as you tried to work yourself off the ledge you found your self towering on. “but i can’t love him when he’s like this, so i have to be the bad guy, because i can’t save him from himself this time.” you knew it was the truth, but still you couldn’t help but feel like you were lying to yourself. you were the one who caused this pain, this anguish for trevor, and it was only you who could save him from it. but you refused. so you walked up to your room, locking yourself in there with the full bottle of wine, taking a page out of trevor’s book and trying to drink any thought of him away.

officer collins crouched down in front of trevor and place a comforting hand on his shoulder. “look kid, i’m really sorry she hung up on you,” he started to say with a sullen look on his face, “it wasn’t right of her to do that. not when you clearly still need her in your life, but unfortunately there’s nothing else we can do. we gotta put you in the holding cell until henderson finishes up, and then this will all go away. i promise. nobody will ever know.” 

trevor’s head shot up to look at the middle aged man leaning over him. his head shaking vigorously to disagree with what he was saying. in an instant he was resting on his knees, clutching his hands together as he stared up at him. “i beg you, sir, just let me call.” his voice was filled with a pleading note as he stared up at officer collins, praying he could get through to him. “i’ll give you my blood alcohol, i’ll rot with all the burnouts in the cell,” he began to list while tears clung to his eyelashes. “i’ll change my faith, and and i’ll praise the flag!” he exclaimed, “let’s wait, i swear she’ll call me back.” 

the oldest man in the hallway let out a sad sigh before glancing to his partner, then back down at trevor. “son, are you a danger to yourself?” he hated asking that question, but trevor was starting to scare him. he needed to know how concerned he should be regarding this situation. 

anger flashed through trevor’s green eyes after the question was asked, and as it hung in the silence of the hallway he pushed himself up off the floor. shrugging away officer collins hands he scoffed, “fuck that, sir, just let me call.” the pleading look on his face was slowly starting to slip away into something almost nobody could read. “i’ll give you my blood alcohol. i’ll rot with all the burnouts in the cell. change my faith, and i’ll kiss the badge. please, let’s wait. i swear she’ll call me back.” this time he reached out forward and grabbed officer collins hands, begging with everything he had left in him. trying his hardest to flash what he considered his puppy dog eyes, and appeal to this mans better nature.

officer shandy stepped in next, his hand reaching for trevor’s shoulders and bringing his attention fully to him. trevor’s green eyes bored into his blue ones, and he could feel himself begin to crack under the honest weight the officers held. his charming demeanor falling as the questions was asked:

“son, why do you do this to yourself?” 

it hung in the air as trevor’s shoulders sagged, showing that he was defeated. he was only twenty-two after all. twenty-two but still in love with a woman who didn’t want him anymore, and he just couldn’t let go of you. silently he thought to himself, about there possibly being another reason as to why he allowed this all to happen besides him still being in love with you. that maybe he feared something more than having lost you. “i’m not proud of all the punches that i’ve thrown,” trevor mumbled out into the silence, to be heard by the awaiting ears of the officers. “in the name of someone i no longer know.” a small smile cracked his face when he said that. thinking about you, what your voice sounded like, picturing that scared look on your face when you realized he was calling your from a police station. “for the shame of being young, drunk, and alone,” he finished while looking between the two. “but i would die for her, y/n, even if i don’t know her anymore.” 

the three remained quiet for an unknown amount of time. it had seemed fitting to just sit there in a silence while they all tried to understand the full events of the night. their peaceful silence was broken by the wooden double doors being pushed open to what looked like on of the newer officers. “officer shandy, officer collins, sir, mr henderson his here and has requested the dropping of charges against trevor zegras, and for this all to go away,” he explained before  slowly slipping back inside the lobby of the police station. trevor’s green eyes turned to stare at officer collins, waiting for some sort of directions. 

“i told you it would work itself out kid, maybe there’s some hope after all for you,” he reasoned while beginning to lead trevor back into the main area. instead of taking a seat at officer collins desk trevor was brought face to face with the chain linked fence of the holding cell, only there was nobody else in there and it would be just him tonight. “this is just until somebody has time to drop you off at home, we’ve gotta file out this paperwork before we can.” 

nodding his head trevor walked into the cell before slumping down against the bench. “i guess i shouldn’t have wasted my call on somebody who was just going to hang up on me, huh?” he tried to joke, only it didn’t help him like he thought it would. office collins gave him a tight lipped smile before turning on his heels and walking back to his desk. leaving trevor to slowly let his eyes close as he tried to block out everything regarding the events of tonight, hoping it would being him some sort of comfort if he did so. 

as the sun disappeared, and the moon slowly got higher in the sky griffin, as well as the entire zegras household, was beginning to wonder just what had happened to trevor. “has anybody seen trevor?” julie asked, there being just a touch of panic in her voice. “he never came home after getting the groceries.” both ava and griffin shrugged their shoulders not having a clue as to where their brother went, while gary looked up from his newspaper bewildered by his wifes previous statement. griffin caught ava’s gaze from above his phone as they shared a look of ‘oh maybe we should be good siblings and go look for him’ before either of them got out of their seats and one inched towards the front door, while the other towards the stairs. 

“hey mom, i’m gonna go to nico’s and catch up with him. don’t wait up,” griffin all but yelled before he slipped out of the house without waiting for a reply. once in the safety of his car he opened his phone to the messages with his little sister praying that she had somewhat figured out trevor’s location. 

god trevor’s actually sofucking stupid. he’s at the police station. good lucksoldier

groaning griffin threw his head back against the headrest, of course trevor was at the police station. it was only a matter of time until his drinking got him stuck in there. shooting ava a quick text he threw his phone down and sped out of their drive way towards the police station, only slightly worried about what trevor was waiting for him when he got there. 

there sound of a soft knock on your door startled you mid swig of wine, your body jolting forward enough to cause the red liquid to swirl around in the glass bottle. when the knock was heard again you set the bottle down and padded across the hardwood floor to your bedroom door. taking a deep breath you steadied yourself before reaching towards the silver handle, praying only slightly that when you opened the door it would be trevor standing there to greet you. to explain to you how all of this was just a misunderstanding, and it was all going to work out for the better. only when you pulled the door open you were met with your father’s sullen face, his hands clasped in front of him. “i know you’ve already talked enough about this issue tonight, sweetheart,” he started, his tone soft yet firm. “and there’s probably next to nothing left to say, but that doesn’t change the fact that you are the key to this solution, whether you like it or not, and i think it’s time you own up to it.” your eyes fell downcast as you took in his words, knowing that what he said held nothing but undeniable truth. shuffling you moved out of the doorway enough for your father to walk through before closing the door behind him. he led the way over to your bed, sitting himself on the edge, waiting for you to make the next move. 

taking a deep breath you sat down next to him, eyes glancing towards the bottle before you looked down at your hands. “if i’m the solution, where do i start?” 

it had seemed as if hours had passed by in the time trevor had closed his eyes until he heard yelling coming from every direction. only when he opened his eyes and found a clock he realized it had only been nearly twenty minutes. groaning he slammed his head back against the wall, green eyes glancing around the cell to see there was two new additions, nate and matt. trevor offered an awkward half wave to the two boys, which they both returned. “‘m sorry i beat you guys up,” he then apologized with sincerity in his voice. “y/n, she just, she means a lot to me. i still really love her, you know?” 

matt couldn’t believe what he had just heard from trevor zegras mouth: an apology. one that definitely wasn’t needed seeing as the three of them were purposefully trying to get a rise out of the poor guy. pushing him to see how far he would get before seeing red. glancing over towards nate, matt made the decision to speak next. “no apology needed man, i mean we said some fucked up shit,” he addmitted, finally starting to not fear having an opinion that was different from charlie’s. “none of which was true by the way. we all know y/n isn’t boring, or her dreams don’t suck. charlie’s just jealous that she’s actually going to do something with her life and he’s going to be living off his trustfund.” 

laughter erupted from the three men in the cell, all having agreed that charlie had no future. as the laughter began to die down nate sighed before being to speak next, “look man, we’re the ones who should be sorry. you knew your limit and when to stop, but we just helped hold you down as charlie tried to beat the shit out of you. we deserved everything we got tonight.” 

trevor just barely nodded his head to agree with them both, eyes once against scanning the police station trying to find charlie. his curiosity suddenly getting the better of him and wondering why he wasn’t currently in the cell with them. “so, where is charles?” he then asked, the question hanging in the air, pushing down against his chest. because depending on what was said his whole future could be at stake. sure officer collins and shandy said mr. henderson was going to drop the charges, but that didn’t mean charlie would still try something to throw trevor under the bus. he could feel his anxiety rise because of the stituation at hand once more, being to bite his nails while he waited for an answer. 

griffin took his time while driving to the police station. mostly because he was nervous to see his big brother behind bars, but partly because he wanted trevor to think nobody was coming to help him. of course griffin knew how self destructive trevor had gotten since your break up, the entire family did, but griffin was the only one who knew how bad it had gotten. he also knew you were still reeling in different feelings towards the nhl center, as he and ava were both still in contact with you. sure, he may have resented you a little bit for what you did up and out of the blue to trevor, but he also knew you must have had a reason to do so, so he didn’t judge. that much. that’s why he had tried countless times to break his brother’s harmful habits, knowing trevor had no chance to win you back if he kept falling down this path he was currently on. that’s why he took the twenty minute route to a destination that was only five minutes away, he wanted this time in that cell to mean something to trevor. he wanted him to reflect on himself, his actions, and how much he still truly loved you, because if he loved you the way he says he does, he’d stop the drinking with or without you. he just hadn’t come to that self discovery yet. 

your father reached over and grabbed your hands, “start by forgiving yourself, y/n.” his e/c eyes that matched your own bored into the side of your head, waiting for you to turn and meet his gaze. willing you to do so, even though it was in vain. your eyes remained rooted forward, staring at your now intertwined hands. “you’re guilt ridden, and your bones are heavy with the grief of the love you once had. forgive yourself for letting it go, as your mother said earlier, you’re only human. forgive yourself, then you can forgive trevor. then you can call him.” 

“charlie’s, uh, he’s in the process of having a screaming match with his father in the chief’s office,” matt explained with a crooked smile. “his dad is pissed he started something. again. but otherwise everything’s all good and has been taken care of. matt and i are just waiting for our rides home, what about you, z?” 

the question stuck with trevor, ‘what about you, z?’ well he didn’t know what about him. he wasted his phone call on you, you hung up on him, and now he was stuck in the cell until and officer could drive him home. god what a shit show that was going to be. shrugging his shoulders he tried to appear as if he was coming off as his normal easygoing self. “officer collins is going to drive me home, nobody answered when i called home.” 

sighing griffin killed the engine of his car and forced himself up and out of his car. he knew it was wrong to let his big brother sit and rot in there as long as he did, but it felt good doing it. he kept his eyes down while walking through the front door, making his way right to the front desk. leaning over it he waited for either an officer or receptionist to come and speak to him about what he was doing here. he waited a good five minutes, slowly taking in his surroundings and trying to locate his brother, but that was proved to be invain as he couldn’t the eldest zegras sibling anywhere. “hi honey, i hope you weren’t waiting too long,” a sweet older woman smiled while sitting back in her seat. “now, what can i do for you?” 

tears stung your eyes as you looked over at your father, “how is it possible to forgive myself when all i’ve been is a horrible person in the last three years?” 

“i’m here to pick up trevor zegras.” 

trevor’s head lulled backwards as he listened to both matt and nate talk back and forth about something he had lost interest in minutes ago. eyes closing as he tried to find some sort of peace, to try and calm his murky mind. he tried to not think of you and the events that got him to this point in his life, but he couldn’t help but focus on them. starting to feel ashamed of causing himself nothing but pain from drinking every time he came home to bedford. ashamed that he was alone. ashamed he had even the slightest hope you had still wanted him, but now he knew you surely wouldn’t want him after his drunken call tonight. he didn’t even want him right now. he let out a quiet groan to himself in order to not disturb nate and matt’s rambling discussion, wishing there was a way he could separate himself as a person. so he could be the person he was before your relationship again instead of the drunken shell of a man he used to be. and then, something happened that he hadn't expected. “mr. zegras, your ride is here.” his green eyes shot open, frantically looking around for a figure that somewhat resembles you, only he couldn’t see one. officer collins was staring back at him as the cell door opened for his release. “they’re waiting for you in the lobby where you can collect your personal belongings.” 

without another word trevor scrambled to his feet and padded slowly towards the open cell, glancing back to give the two other boys a half wave as a forced goodbye before walking out. silently he followed behind the officer who had shown him nothing but kindness, through the station, taking mental notes of every person he passed praying that he would be met with your face at some point. you had to be here. you had to have changed your mind and decided to come and pick him up, otherwise how was he getting released? biting his lip he began to fidget with his fingers as officer collins opened the door to the front lobby, and what he thought would be his breath of relief turned into his worst nightmare as he came face-to-face with his younger brother. “you’re not y/n,” he breathed, voice raked with nothing but sadness. “how did - griffin?” he then asked, completely bewildered by his younger brothers presence. he knew he should’ve been grateful. he no longer had to wait out an unnnecassary stay in the prison cell, but he couldn't help the way his heartached inside his chest while meeting his brothers stoic expression as tears began to slid down his sunskissed cheeks. “y/n, she didn’t come. i thought-” he cut himself off by clearing his throat and reaching up to wipe away the tears before they fell faster than he could stop. “nevermind, it - it doesn’t matter. let’s go home griff.” and just like that he tried his hardest to bottle up his emotions once again. mind racing to think of the next time he could get his hands on a case of beer. 

m/n l/n sat quietly outside of your closed bedroom door. ear pressed against the white wood as she silently cried to herself over the heartbreak and turmoil her only child was going through. the wooden door had muffled the sounds of your father’s quiet voice, but she could still hear the combination of guilt and melancholy that was spoken with every word as he tried to reassure you that you were worthy of self forgiveness. that you weren’t the horrible person you had thought you were. she also knew that while he words were directed at you, he was speaking to himself as well. because deep down she knew your father still held guilt for putting their relationship on pause, and thought because of his actions when he was your age, this was the world’s karma by creating a similar situation with his daughter. your mother could never truly understand the pain the both of you felt, which is why she sat outside your bedroom praying to herself that you would take your father’s advice to forgive yourself. praying that after all this time he would finally forgive himself. 

“y/n,” your dad whispered with a broken smile, “i’m going to be completley honest with you sweetheart. while i don’t believe you’ve been a horrible person these past three years, i can’t give you the answers that you’re looking for.” your bloodshot e/c eyes snapped over to him within seconds. he squeezed your hands lovingly before he pulled his e/c away from your own. “i still haven’t figured out how to forgive myself for leaving your mother all those years ago. i wish i could help you the way that you need me now, but i - i don’t have the answers. because i don’t think-” he let out a solemn sigh before looking back over at you with tears in his own eyes. “i don’t think we would’ve found our way back to each other if it weren’t for that night in the emergency room. every time i tried to work up the courage to call her, i panicked. i wouldn’t allow myself to stop dwelling on the pain that i had caused her for that year apart from each other. the exact same thing you’re doing by not allowing trevor back into your live - because you can’t stop thinking about the pain you caused him. but sweetheart,” he explained with wisdom only a father would have, “this chance you have to let him back into your life? it may not come again, so it’s up to you to decide what you want to do with it before it’s too late. and you’ll know, deep down in that giant heart of yours, whether you love him enough to forgive yourself, or if you’re going to hold one mistake over your head for the rest of your life as it passes you by.” 

you forced a laugh as you stared over at him and processed his tough love words. “if i knew you weren’t right i would be so mad at you right now, dad,” you confessed as you dropped your head against his shoulder. his own finding it’s place on top of yours. there was a long beat of silence before you decided to speak again. “i’m happy you were in the er that night, dad. you and mom are my idolization of love, and i just, if it hadn’t worked out for the two of you i wouldn’t have anything to believe in.” 

this time a sad chuckle passed by his lips before he pressed a kiss against the top of your head, “kid, if it didn’t work out for your mom and me, my greatest blessing in life wouldn’t be sitting right here next to me.” 

the silence was louder than any music that girffin could’ve been chosen to play. trevor was turned to face away from his younger brother, head pressed against the glass window once again. his sliding down against it while he tried to hide his face. “so,” griffin finally worked the courage to speak, “do you want to tell me what happened that you ended up in prison and were expecting y/n to pick you up?” 

taking a breath trevor turned to face his fears which were currently in the form of explaining his downfalls to his younger brother. “it’s a long story, griff,” he whispered, reaching up to wipe away his tears once again. “one we don’t have the time for, and i’m not ready to relive.” 

scoffing griffin pulled the car over on the side of the road. “we have nothing but time, trevor!” he yelled, voice cracking as he did so. “now, i deserve an explanation as to why ava and i had to go and pick up the groceries from the middle of a parking lot. an explanation on why you ended up in prison! why you’re nose is broken, and your knuckles are beaten to shit. please, trevor, i’m your little brother, and i’m scared.” that’s when the tears started to fall down his own cheeks. “you’re scaring me. you’re scaring ava. mom, dad. so at the very least, i deserve an explanation. because three years ago you weren’t the only person who lost y/n. i lost her too. we all lost her. what we didn’t expect was losing you too.” 

the silence was so loud that both trevor and griffin heard the sound of trevor’s heart shattering into the pit of his stomach. 

“you’re right,” trevor cried while meeting his brother’s stare for the first time since getting in the car. “you guys lost y/n, just like i did, and you didn’t deserve to watch me fall apart as you have for the past three summers.” his mouth went dry as he thought of what he could possibly say next, and what his brother needed to hear in order to correct his mistakes. “but you have, and it isn’t fair. none of this is fair, because life - life like to fucking kick your ass. so i’ll tell you, but only you, griff. you can’t go running to tell ava, or mom, or dad. only you.” 

the younger brother nodded his head instantly, forcing himself to stop crying to be strong for his brother. “start wherever, i’m listening, trev.” 

taking a deep breath trevor steadied his nerves and started his story with the end. “i gave y/n’s name as my emergency call.” 

----

taking a deep breath you could feel as your world began to spiral out once again like it had two nights prior. since you’d hung up on trevor, you had listened to your father’s advice and taken the past two days to think about things once more. to see them in a different light despite how much your head told you it was wrong, in your heart you knew it was time. so after listening to his voicemail one more time, you had made up your mind. it was second nature as you started to dial his phone number, not wasting time to find his nameless contact. 

picking at your nails you waited anxiously as the dial tone played in your ears. 

it went through once.

then twice. 

finally, a third time before your call was connected.

and with a shaky breath, you breathed out his name for both you to hear.  “trevor?”

[aesthetic-bbyg]

SORRY NOT SORRY ~ Sanji

sanji x fem!reader

IN WHICH some guy poor attempt at flirting with you, in front of your man, backfires.

Nattie speaks: Another Sanji fic, what can I sayyyyy😋

WALKING INTO THE BAR YOU knew that someone would come up to you. It wasn’t like it was rare, a pretty lady entering any premises gives men the idea that she must be approached. Even if there was another man trailing behind, they still have the drunken confidence to come over and shoot gross comments. In your case, it was Sanji who entered after you, though he wasn’t just any other man, but you’re husband. You had the shimmering Diamond on your left hand to prove it. His hand was clasped in yours, large smiles still on your faces after sneaking away from the Going Merry for some time alone.

Immediately, you noticed how crowded it was, it seemed to be a particularly busy night. So much for time alone. Drunken bodies everywhere, perverted gazes burning right through you as sat down on a old barstool. Your hands clasped themselves in front of you, laying gently on the wood. Sanji took the seat right next yours, his large hand finding it’s place on your lower back. He looked at you, and you looked at him, seeing the love and admiration swirl his eyes was enough to have you blushing.

Entering the Baratie was one of the best decisions you’ve ever made because it lead to the life you had now. It was easy falling for Sanji, with his flirty comments sliding it’s way into your heart and his charming looks to back it up, how could you not? Despite your confidence with living in a world without a man and the fun it was being single, the thought of marriage with Sanji was something you didn’t stop to think about. You just knew, it was like you were made for him, destined to be his wife. The man could cook, for god sake, it was already enough to get you down on your knees and sucking on his cock as a tip for your meal. But the way he treated you was so much more better, truly you couldn’t think of another man like him. You never had the worry of infidelity from him, or him treating you wrong, never. You had such a strong trust for Sanji, if he told you that he could bring you all the stars, you’d believe him.

“Nice to escape the ship for a while, hmm?” Sanji asked quietly, rubbing a smoothing thumb along the clothed skin of your back.

You nodded in agreement, resting your elbow against the bar, supporting your head onto the palm of your hand. “Nice to have you to myself for a change.” You chuckled softly, “As much as I adore Luffy, his appetite is ridiculous.”

Sanji laughed, subtly flipping the loose pieces of blonde hair that covered his face. “I don’t mind, but I do miss having you to myself.” He squeezed the flesh of you side, smirking a bit as he stared into your eyes. You knew exactly what he meant. “How ‘bout you stay in the kitchen after hours?”

With such a tempting offer and the already growing arousal in you stomach, you couldn’t help but smile. Soon, the bartender approached opening his mouth to speak, “A martini.” You said before he could even utter a word, he nodded, stepping back as you tapped your fingers against the wood. Sanji decided to skip on drinking, not wanting to be intoxicated before dinner preparation. “Boring.” You mumbled, rolling your eyes. “I like it when your drunk.”

“You only like it ‘cause I absolutely embarrass myself and it gives you another thing to laugh at me about.” The blonde quipped back, making you chuckle, he was partially correct. You didn’t think he was embarrassing himself, you just thought he was…messy.

“Oh, c’mon, I like seeing you get naked.” You giggled, making Sanji blush and roll his own blue eyes. “That’s my favorite part.” The man had a bad habit of stripping down to his boxers whenever he was drunk around you. Slurred words claiming that your ‘hotness’ warmed up the room. “But I also like it when you start crying and start confessing you’re love to me as if we aren’t married.”

Sanji winced at the memory, remembering only the extreme headache and nausea from the next morning. It wasn’t until he recovered from his hangover and asked you the events of the night before that you told him. The intoxicated man had took you to a private area of the ship, bawling his eyes out and saying that he couldn’t keep living a lie. At first it terrified you, but when he began confessing his love and need for you it took so much control to hold back the laugh itching the back of your throat.

“Don’t even mention it.” He muttered with a quiet laugh, moving to rub a soothing hand on the warm skin of your thighs.

“A martini.” The bartender slid the shimmering glass towards you, the foggy liquid making you smile.

“Thank you.” You plucked the toothpick that held the olives, biting one and humming contently. “You’re truly missing out, Sanj.”

“I’m alright here, love.” He replied, watching you lightly sip and scrunch your face at the bitter zest the drink had to its flavor.

“Not even a taste?” You offered the drink, swirling around the olives, “It’s very good.”

He shrugged, a smirk building on his face. “Just a taste.” You smiled, pushing the glass in his direction before he leaned in, hands cupping your cheeks as his tongue intruded your mouth. You hummed, kissing him back desperately, enjoying the way his pink muscle explored you. “Not bad.” He mumbled, pulling away. “But I’ll still have to pass.”

You chuckle, wiping the saliva from the edge of your lips, “How long ‘til you think they find us?” You asked suggestively with a raise of your brow.

“I’ll give it a good twenty minutes.” Sanji replied, fiddling with the wedding band on his own finger. “Best use the bathroom here before we go back to using a bucket.” He stood from his spot, planting a kiss on the side of your head before walking towards the back of the place. He disappeared into the crowd, piles of bodies making him blend in within an instant.

You continued sipping your drink, feeling it burn your throat but satisfy your taste buds, you could practically feel the alcohol in your veins. Though, there was moments where you wish you were already drunk, like the moment that a man seat right in Sanji’s spot. He held a crooked smile, reeked of rum, and had disheveled hair.

“Well, what a pretty lady we got here.” He said, a beer bottle in his grip. “What’s your name, sweetheart?”

You sighed heavily, turning to him with a glare. “Not one that you’ll be remembering anytime soon.”

“Feisty, I like it.” He chuckled, hiccuping and holding back a belch. “You’re gorgeous.”

“I know.”

He let out another gross chuckle, his breath stinking of old fish, you sipped at your drinks hoping that the alcohol would neutralize the stench. He licked his lips, looking at you up and down, hooded eyes undressing you, and you fucking hated it. “Well, pretty lady, how ‘bout I offer you a drink.”

“No.” You replied, turning back to look straight ahead, focusing on something other then his babbling go keep you distracted.

“How ‘bout a trip back to mine.” He slowly stood from his seat, getting closer to you, the proximity made you cringe. You nearly puked when his hand rested on your thigh.

Your eyes flashed up, catching sight Sanji as he exited the bathroom. His own eyes met yours, taking notice of man in front of you and the expression on your face. He was already pushing past people to get to you but you remained emotionless.

“Sorry.” You pried his hand off your thigh, chugging down whatever was left of the strong drink, wiping the liquid as it dripped down side of your chin. You looked him up and down, taking in his round form, “I’m not into short guys.” You pushed yourself off the bar and shoving past him towards Sanji, who just watched.

The one thing he understood most about you was how capable you were of protecting yourself. How you’re able to outsmart your way out of a situation, or insult your way out, all with a pretty smile on your lips. The drunken man stared at your figure as you walked away, eyes widening at the sight of a much taller man glaring at him. Sanji’s lips quirked up into a smirk as he took your hand, kissing it softly while never breaking away. The anger now replaced with nervousness, he scurried away from his spot and into the booming crowd of people.

Sanji let out a chuckle, walking with you to the exit of the bar, where Usopp was coincidentally, entering. The sharp-shooter sighed in relief at the sight of the two of you, rushing out an explanation about how Luffy is ‘dying’ of hunger. Sanji’s assistance was needed urgently, having to cure the boy before his whines of starvation killed everyone else on the ship.

One dinner was served, you did stay back to help clean, watching as each crew member headed into their rooms. You indeed stayed after hours, many hours after.

Will forever live laugh and love our fav Chef simp. Did y’all get the Jennifer Tilly reference??🤞

AHHHHHHHHHH

[gyuriac]

idontwannabemeanymore | i. sae content: don't lose thy self (idk bro i hate summaries) pairings: sae itoshi x fem!reader (implied cz this is like the sequel of my other work Perdiste, but im pretty sure it's not explicitly said so...) notes: ANGST ANGST ANGST (the mc in first fic is using fem pronouns here bcs i cant write them with they/them in this perspective sorry 😓) kinda bad ugh ihatewritersblock ➜ first part

She was like the sun, the way she lit up the whole room by just existing. Her bright visage was enough to melt even the coldest of hearts. They were akin to moths to flame, Sae just can’t stop longing for her.

You knew he only used you for something, for his ego perhaps. Yet you stayed, played stupid whilst he scrolled through her social media right beside you. 

Only smiling, although with spite, when he immediately agreed when you mentioned her name.

They’ve been scolding you, calling him the most vile words that you didn’t even know, berating you for staying with a moron like him. 

Yes, he has ghosted you on multiple occasions, ignored you unless he had something important to say. But despite all of that, it’s still him.

The Sae who had willingly went outside to the heavy storm just to save you from getting sick yet he himself got sick instead.

It hurts, your heart feels like it's been pricked by needles endlessly before getting run over. You wanted to punch him, scream at him for being such a terrible person-but you also wanted to hug him and tell him how it’s okay and you love him.

It’s a mess and you don’t know what to do.

Alcohol is disgusting. Its bitter substance gives the feeling of your throat burning but it also makes your pain go numb. So you drink, and drink, and drink. Desperately trying to forget that he only agreed because you spoke of her name.

Your hand reached for another glass before it was taken away.

“Hey… that’s miiine. Get your own..” you slurred over your words, arms flailing around as you stood up wobbly. 

The culprit only sighed. “This is your fourth glass, you ought to be responsible and sober yourself up.” He scolded you before bringing the alcohol to his lips before drinking it all in one gulp. His nose crinkled in disgust before shoving the empty glass at the bartender.

You scowled at the sentiment, letting your head rest on the table. “What do you know?” you mumbled quietly while you stretched your arm for another glass.

Despite the loud buzzing like crazy with music and people, he still managed to hear you somehow. 

“I know that you look stupid downing alcohol like it’s water.” He gripped the new glass from your hands. Even though you’re so drunk that you can’t tell your lefts to your rights, disappointment was clearly exuding from him. So you find yourself pouting, Your gaze rose to his face from his hands ; his cyan eyes, full of irritation, dared you to argue back to him.

Rin Itoshi was never a fan of yours. You can vividly remember him tugging on your hair while playing in the sand pit and then you crying before getting comforted by the red head back then.

You stared at him, examining his features, while he asked the bartender for water. It was unsettling, you don’t remember him being able to drink legally nor being taller than you. Your eyes ended up on his sharp cheekbones replacing the once soft chubby cheeks and it hit you how much everything changed.

Sae wasn’t that boy who won’t eat his lunch unless you're with him, he wasn’t-

“Sae! My man!”

Perhaps it was the alcohol in your system, you bolted upright, turning your heel. The confused calling of your name fell deaf in your ears. All you thought was him and only him.

One more time.

If he looks you in the eyes, you’ll stay.

“Sae!” His name slipped from your tongue naturally, like it was just made for his name-him.

“I’m glad you came! It was such a pain managing by myself, thank the gods Rin was here!”

Please,

“How was your practice today? Any improvements lately?”

look at me…

His eyes lingered on your lips for a bit before a call of a name sliced through the whole crowd albeit quite muffled yet you swore Sae’s whole visage lit up like he was just saved from drowning.

And you smiled, tears welling up as you bit your lips hard.

Because no matter what you do to change to yourself, you will never be her. You will never be the one he calls first when he’s drunk nor will you be the one always on his mind.

“I’m sorry.” you murmured, breathing heavily while trying to gather your bearings. He raised his eyebrows, gears not turning in his head. 

With shaky hands, you linked your arms around him, face buried on his neck. Inhaling his musky scent one last time

“I love you so much.” 

Your voice came out as croaky, pulling away from him. 

Your hands found its way to his hair, ruffling his hair roughly that the gel failed to hold its shape. Just as you thought, he looked better this way.

You turned away from him; from your world. You can’t look at him, not when his cold gaze is enough to break your already fragile resolve like glass.

“So…I…” It’s hard to find your words, not when your tears are spilling at this point. Trying to calm yourself with shaky breaths.

You cleared your throat, hands desperately finding something to hold on. “I forgot to do something at home.”

You love him. That’s why you’ll leave him—let him be free of you to pursue her back.

“I’m not coming back, enjoy your night.” 

Like heavy rocks were chained on your feet, it took all of you just to take the first step. A heavy exhale left your lips before you started your stride.

It started slow at first, like a hatchling taking its first step before it hastened.

Because you love him, you wished—prayed even that for once he’ll pick you. Grab your arm, and finally look at you.

© gyuriac . i'm begging you to not put my works in any a.i thingy and please don't plagiarize. I don't own anything but my edits and writing.

[bel1ewrites]

The Alcohol Helped (Tara Carpenter x Reader)

a/n: sorry about the drought.

Description: It's too hard to stay away.

WC: 1.8k

Warnings: sorority setting, mentions of drugs and alcohol (underage drinking), drunk Sam and Tara, idiot reader with top energy, I changed the ages of Sam (22) and Tara (19) to fit the narrative better

COLLEGE parties are never as fun as you think they’ll be. Maybe it’s the lack of alcohol in your system, possibly the absence of mind bending drugs that makes them seem kind of, well, lame. Being the designated driver always reminds you of the pure stupidity that flows through sweaty, half clothed twenty-somethings with a knack for getting themselves into trouble. 

“Oh president!” slurs your new assistant. Sam had secured her position after being one of the least insufferable people you’d ever known. Her first night in the house was spent drinking and watching all of the Pitch Perfect movies with you well into the early morning, and her second night was spent signing all of the new members up for random websites after acquiring their emails. 

“Hello, Samantha.” 

She giggles at the formality, drunkenly mocking the way you said her name and gripping your shoulders, looking into your eyes with serious intensity. “My sister loooves you.”

Tara. A new addition to the sorority. She didn’t even really have to rush due to her sister being your second in command. She was all doe-eyes and sickeningly sweet smiles, raven black hair and the kind of face that had recently begun to creep into your dreams. Truly the picture perfect active. 

“Does she?” you’re smirking a little, arms crossed and back pressed against the cool, probably germ infested wall. Vibrations run through you with each pump of the bass in some mind-numbing song. 

“Mhm,” she hums, a dopey look on her flushed face. She lifts her hand from your shoulder and boops you on the nose. “We were dancing with Chad, and Chad was all,” her voice deepens in an attempt to recreate his, “‘You’re soo beautiful Tara blah, blah, blah, we should blah, blah, blah’ but then Tara was all,” this time her pitch rises, “‘No, Chad. I’m totally… no you’re like my brother blah, blah, I’d never do that with you blah, blah, blah I wish Y/N would blah, blah, until I blah, blah, blah.”

“First of all, stop saying ‘blah, blah, blah’ before I punch you, and second of all, what did Tara-”

Speak of the devil, she’s stumbling towards you, drink sloshing around and spilling over the sides of her cup. Her cheeks are red, her eyes wide and sparkling. 

“Sam, come do another shot with me,” she’s begging, tugging on her sister’s arm. It’s a weak tug, fueled by her foggy mind. She hasn’t noticed you standing there, too preoccupied with her mission to get more alcohol in her system. 

“I don’t think you need another shot,” you cut in. Typically, you didn’t really care what the members of your sorority did in their spare time, so long as it didn’t interfere with their performance. Tara was nineteen. She was old enough to do as she pleased for the most part, and even if she technically wasn’t old enough to drink, she was still an adult who could make her own decisions. That being said, you couldn’t help but feel protective over her, brushing it off with some half-assed excuse about how she’s Sam’s sister. 

Round, brown eyes blink up at you as she processes your presence. 

“I mean,” she stutters, “let’s go uh… form meaningful connections?” 

“Nice one,” you’re running a hand through your hair, slightly damp with the perspiration that comes with a night full of standing and watching. 

“Well,” Sam starts with a little laugh, “I’m gonna go somewhere else.” Her figure retreats, blocked soon by the current of shifting bodies. 

Tara sways lightly on her feet. Midnight black strands of hair fall from her ponytail, framing her face with a flaw free air of carelessness. She’s wearing a cropped tank top and baggy jeans that make her look shorter than normal and sit perfectly on her hips, smudged eyeliner resulting in a strenuous difficulty for you to keep your hands in your pockets. 

“You know what we should do?” she’s grinning, eyes droopy. “We should dance.” Her hands reach for yours as you attempt to maneuver out of her range, aware of what a bad idea this is. 

You tell yourself you tried, but ultimately you fail to keep her off of you when she grabs your forearms and places them on her shoulders, backing up and effectively pulling you away from the comfort of your wall. With your arms resting casually over her shoulders, hands limp and unmoving, she sighs happily and clings to your torso. 

“You’re the perfect hug shape,” she mumbles, words muffled with her face against your ribbed tank. She’s breathing you in and humming.

“What does that mean?” Your voice is low and what the two of you are doing couldn’t possibly be defined as dancing. She’s hugging you tight, hands around your waist, and you’re holding her to you, one arm curved around the back of her neck and the other still hanging off her shoulder. There’s a comforting sway, the both of you rocking side to side soothingly. 

“I mean,” her hands are moving on your back, “You have such a sturdy body,” fingers slip beneath the hem of your shirt, “muscular and soft. Tall-” (“Everyone’s tall to you,” you interject.) “-and you smell so good all the time. It’s like some sort of sorcery. You’re like a hot, good smelling witch or something.” She’s fumbling over her words but you’re barely listening, focused intensely on the way her nails run over your bare back from under your shirt. 

Tara Carpenter has her hands under your shirt and it’s so hot where you stand but you’re shivering and pulling her closer. Tara Carpenter is scratching your back and you're stone cold sober but you can’t think through the fog in your mind.  

“I love this shirt on you,” she groans. She’s groaning and her hands are on your naked back and you’re holding her to you and all you can think about is her.  

“Yeah?” your voice shakes a little.

“Mm,” she nods against you. “It’s sexy.” 

It’s your turn to groan. It’s too much and you’re dangerously close to cracking under the sexual tension. 

“I’m gonna go get Sam.” you gently nudge her off of you. “I think you’re both in need of a glass of water and a bed. “

She’s frowning when you walk off. 

—-----

By the time you manage to drag Sam away from her game of beer pong and into the car, Tara still hasn’t spoken more than two words to you. She sits silently in the backseat and picks at her hands with intent whilst her sister insists on taking aux to listen to the Tangled soundtrack the whole way home. Every once in a while you glance in the rear view mirror and catch her eyes before she looks somewhere else again. 

As soon as the three of you clamber out of the vehicle and through the door, Sam heads for the leather couch in the common area and falls face first into it. You hang up your keys and watch Tara stumble slightly as she makes her way to her room. 

It’s silent, the sound of the heater kicking on fills the space around you along with your racing mind. Had you taken it too far with Tara? Did you make her uncomfortable? Maybe you should bring her some water and leave her an Advil for the morning. 

“Tara?” you call from outside her room, water and medicine in hand. She’s still awake, light on and soft music playing, muffled by the shut door. Beneath the light thrum of the melodies you can hear soft sniffles and little whimpers that make your heart drop in your chest. 

Tucking the pill bottle beneath your arm, you turn the knob and slowly crack open the barrier between you and her, still not peeking inside. “Tara?”

A pause. “What?” her voice is watery and you finally gain the courage to step inside. 

Her room is so impossibly her that it’s shocking. Soft white walls covered in bulletin boards, a few shirts scattered around the floor in a mess that seems intentional. It’s contrasting with the current state of her. Her eyes are puffy, cheeks still flushed from earlier, deeper now with the addition of tears. With the comforter pulled up over her neck all you can see is her face.

“Tara,” her lip quivers, face crumpling. “What’s wrong, baby?” Placing the things on her dresser, you rush to sit on her bed and rest a comforting hand on her forehead, moving the hair stuck there out of her face. She only cries harder.

“I’m sorry,” the bed shifts as she turns to lay on her side and face away from you.

“For what?” Confusion filters through you. If anything, it’s you who should apologize. 

“Making you uncomfortable with everything I said earlier,” she replies, body curled into a ball beneath her blankets. “It was really inappropriate of me.” 

Uncomfortable? The only thing that was uncomfortable was the metaphorical boner you got every time you were in her general vicinity, and that had nothing to do with anything she’d said. 

“Wait,” it clicks in your mind, “when we were dancing?”

She nods. 

“Tara, I wasn’t uncomfortable,” you rub circles on her upper back through the layers, “Hell, I was too comfortable.”

The gears in her mind turn weakly and she turns to look at you with wet eyes; asking, “What’s that mean?” with a sniffle.

“It means we were swaying and you were rubbing my back and calling me hot and I had to step away before I did anything irrational.” She’s on her back now, staring up at the ceiling fan silently. “Not because I don’t want to do… irrational things with you- it’s just that you’re Sam’s sister and I don’t want to complicate anyth-”

“-Sam’s the one who told me to go for it,” Tara informs you. Her tears are gone, their pathways dry on her face. “Said she’d had enough of our eye-fucking back before she’d even had her first shot.”

Agape. Your jaw is agape and you close it before opening it again like a fish out of water, struggling to find a response. Sam was the reason you’d tried to keep your distance; stuck to admiring from afar and aspiring to be close. Was the attraction that obvious?

“I only got the courage tonight because I’d caught you staring at me all week,” she finally smiles, “But the alcohol helped I guess.”

A noise of pure embarrassment emerges from your throat and you fall back against her mattress, crossing your forearms over your blushing face. Clearly you needed to work on your stealth abilities. 

The surface you lay on dips with movement. Tara’s warm hands wrap around your forearms as she struggles to pull them away. It’s truly laughable how little she moves them. She manages to uncover your eyes, her own sparkling with unknown emotions, a warm smile on her lips. You peer up at her with a hidden grin on your face. 

“So,” you start, “a hot, good smelling witch, huh?”

[flightlessangelwings]

Ktober 2023 Day 15- Against a Wall

Bucky Barnes x fem!curvy!reader

Word count- 2k

Warnings- s.mut (18+ ONLY!), reader wears a skirt and works as a waitress for Tony, described with curves but it's briefly mentioned, mutual pining, protective!Bucky, no use of y/n

Notes- I actually kept changing my mind on who to write this prompt with but I landed on Bucky lol. And the setting here is reminiscent of 2012 mcu tumblr where Bucky joined the avengers and they're all friends. And I purposefully had a curvy/plus sized reader in mine for this prompt to show some love! Prompt list made by me! Enjoy!

@flightlessangelwings-updates is myupdate blog so please follow that too and turn on post notifs to stay up to date on my new fics!

~

Over the years of working for Tony Stark, you had seen more than your fair share of exciting things. Serving cocktails at his parties meant you had a front row seat to events that usually got splashed across headlines the following morning. Rich people flirted with you all the time, and you flirted back to get extra tips. Plus, you actually became friends with Tony over time, possibly the thing you had least expected. Even as his list of friends and party attendees grew to include otherworldly and superhuman guests.

Overall, you were able to keep your cool, even when meeting big names like Steve Rogers. He was kind and courteous, and handsome of course, but he wasn’t your type. No, your breath wasn’t taken away until his old friend, Bucky Barnes came along. Bucky was everything you had dreamed of, and when you laid eyes on him for the first time, it was as if he stepped out of your fantasy.

“Your drink, sir,” you fought to keep your composure as you handed him a glass.

“Thank you,” his low voice went right to your core as he smiled softly at you.

Bucky wasn’t much for words, but his eyes bore into you, studying your curves as if he could see into your soul. Part of you craved it, but the other part was worried he could read all your secrets, especially the one that you harbored feelings for him. He seemed to grow more and more comfortable as time went on, though, and he started to integrate more into the group. All the other guests did so too, and the more he was around, the less afraid of him they were.

Not you, though. You were never afraid of him. And it wasn’t just from your attraction to Bucky. No, there was something there that you knew you could trust. Something in him that read that he was a good person, a kind person. And though you had never exchanged more than a few words with him, sometimes you felt your gaze linger on him longer than it needed to.

Bucky noticed of course, and sometimes your eyes met for a brief moment before you looked away in embarrassment. You went back to your tasks until you felt you could safely glance back over once more. This dance went on every time Tony had a party, yet everything remained in the air, unspoken, only flirting for a couple seconds with your eyes. What you didn’t know, though, was Bucky’s gaze lingered on you for just as long, if not longer. And a feeling of jealousy built up in his gut whenever he saw others flirt with you.

One night, though, Bucky couldn’t take it anymore. He watched as you served drinks, your skirt running high up your thigh, exposing your flesh more and driving him wild. He wasn’t the only one watching, however, and a man he had never seen before stumbled over to you, draping his arm over you. When you obviously didn’t want him there, Bucky made his move.

“Please do not touch me, sir,” you said sternly but politely, trying to diffuse the situation without making a scene.

“Oh come on sweet girl,” he slurred, “Let me take you home.”

When he tried to lean in closer, the man found himself yanked off of you and instead in the grip of Bucky Banres.

“The lady said no,” Bucky’s tone was firm and low.

All the fight left the man’s eyes as he cowered, “I’m sorry,” he stammered before he wriggled free and ran off.

Bucky watched to make sure he was gone before he turned to you, “Are you alright?” he asked, his voice noticeably softer.

“Y-yeah,” your eyes went wide as you processed what just happened. Bucky Barnes just saved you, and he seemed genuinely concerned about you, “Thank you,” you added in a whisper.

Bucky brushed the back of his hand across your cheek in an affectionate gesture, “Can’t let my favorite waitress get into trouble now, can I?”

Heat rose in your face as the room spun. Was Bucky actually flirting with you? Part of you wanted to pinch yourself in case you were dreaming, but you also didn’t want to wake up if you were. “I’m your favorite waitress?” you asked slyly as you subtly shimmied your shoulders.

He cupped your chin to make you meet his eyes, “Who else would be?”

Time stopped as you met his gaze. It was different looking into his eyes up close, like you could swim in them. And you couldn’t help but glance down at his lips for the briefest moment. 

Bucky took that as his invitation, “You wanna get out of here?” he asked in a low tone.

You bit your lip, “I can’t leave the party,” you paused, hating the look of disappointment on his face, “But,” you slipped your hand into his, “I have an idea. Follow me.”

“Yes ma’am,” Bucky eagerly followed as you led him out of the main room and down a hallway. He couldn’t help but glance at your ass as you walked just in front of him. But, his breath hitched in his throat when you came to a small hall closet and quickly ushered him inside, not wanting anyone else to see.

“It’s not romantic or anything,” you sounded sheepish suddenly as you closed and locked the door, “But it’ll have to do.”

“Are you kidding?” Bucky said as he put his hands on your hips, his lips hovering over yours, “You’re dressed like this, we’re sneaking away from a party, we’re alone… I’m with you,” he exhaled sharply, “This is plenty romantic.”

You opened your mouth to say something, but it was cut off when Bucky placed his lips over yours in a soft kiss. You moaned into him as your eyes fluttered shut and you held onto his shoulders as you parted your lips for him. You felt a low rumble in his chest as he took the invitation and deepened the kiss, tasting you for the first time.

“Damn, sweetheart,” he mumbled between kisses, “You’re… Incredible,” Bucky murmured as he kissed you again, backing you up against the wall.

He swallowed the moan you let out as your back hit the wall, and you clung to him for support. Bucky gladly gave it to you, pressing his body against yours to keep you pinned there. His knee parted your legs slightly so that he could press it against your pussy, and you let out a whimper at the contact.

“Fuck,” you breathed.

“My thoughts exactly,” Bucky breathed as his hands dipped below your skirt. He paused, though, and looked back up into your eyes, “Is this ok?” he asked.

“Shit, Bucky, don’t stop now,” you huffed, “Please.”

“Fuck, I love when you say my name,” Bucky groaned as he kisse you again and tugged at your skirt, pushing it up to expose your panties.

“Bucky…” you moaned again as you clung to his shoulders.

“Do you trust me, sweetheart?” he asked.

“Yes,” your reply was immediate and your tone was more serious.

Suddenly, you found yourself in the air; Bucky grabbed onto your ass and used his super strength to lift you up and pin you against the wall. You squealed, more in surprise than anything, but let out a moan when you felt his clothed cock against your pussy.

“Please, Bucky,” you begged.

He grunted as he leaned his bodyweight forward, keeping you against the wall as he fumbled to free his cock with one hand. As much as Bucky wanted to take his time with you, he was too desperate right now. And so were you. With hope, Buck would have another chance with you, and that time he would treat you the way he wanted to. He would spend hours between your legs until you told him to stop. He would kiss you all over, worshiping your beautiful body, and feeling every dip and curve of you.

But right now, fucking you against the wall in a close would have to do. Not that either of you were complaining.

You whimpered when you glanced down and saw Bucky’s thick cock pop out against his suit. You panted as you anticipated it filling you, and you had never been more turned on in your life. Bucky murmured your name to get your attention, and the look in his eyes sent another pulse right to your cunt.

“I’m ready,” you answered the unspoken question, “Please, Buck.”

“Fuck,” he growled as he hooked a finger on your panties and pushed them aside, “Hold onto me, alright? I’ve got you.”

A loud hiss escaped your lips as he slowly pushed into you. You bit your lip to try and hold back your moans, but his cock felt so good as it entered you and you couldn’t help but cry out. Bucky groaned as he felt your warmth engulf him, and he couldn’t stop himself from thrusting the rest of the way into you.

“You ok?” he asked when he heard you whine.

“Yes,” you breathed, “Fuck me, Bucky… Please,” you tugged at his shoulder as you wrapped your legs around his waist.

Bucky growled your name as he reeled back and thrust forward again. Both of you gasped at the action, and from there Bucky lost all control. He rocked into you over and over again as you hung helplessly against the wall. Moans and groans from both of you filled the tiny space as Bucky thrust into you at the perfect angle.

“Shit,” you cried out as you slammed your head back against the wall.

“Feel so good… Sweetheart,” Bucky grunted as the room started to spin for him as well.

“Bucky…”

“I know… I’ve got you.”

He pounded into you with fervor, with desperate need as you screamed even louder. He rested his forehead against yours, feeling your breath on his face with every moan you let out. Bucky already craved more of you; he wanted to always feel you around him and in his arms. He tightened his grip on you as his thrusts became more erratic as his own climax quickly approached.

“Bucky… I’m…”

All he could do was groan your name and close his eyes. Your orgasms hit simultaneously, one right after the other. You trembled in Bucky’s arms as you came hard, and Bucky fought to keep himself upright as he spilled himself deep inside you. As he thrust into you, riding out your climaxes, Bucky took your lips with his once more in a deep and passionate kiss.

Sweat lined your brow and the sensations overwhelmed you, but you felt safe in Bucky's arms. As you started to come down from your high, you broke away for a deep breath, and you gasped as you felt yourself go more limp in his arms. Bucky immediately snapped to attention, and gently lowered you down, pulling out of you in the process.

You whimpered at the loss, but Bucky never let go of his grip on you, even as he settled you back on your feet. Your eyes trailed up from the ground as you met his gaze, and your heart skipped a beat from the way he looked at you.

“That was… Wow,” you whispered as you composed yourself and fixed your skirt, “Better than I ever imagined,” you muttered under your breath.

Bucky tucked himself back in his pants and straightened out his jacket, “So,” he smirked, “You imagined me?”

You looked at him wide-eyed, “I- I didn’t mean…”

“It’s ok sweetheart,” he cupped your face, “Can you keep a secret?” when you nodded he continued, “I imagined you too.”

You exhaled deeply as you leaned into his touch. You allowed him to slowly pull your face to his and parted your lips as Bucky kissed you once more. This kiss was slow, yet deep, and it helped all the unspoken emotions you both felt. When you broke away you let out another deep breath, “Tony is going to have a field day with this,” you said with a laugh.

“I’m by your side,” Bucky reassured you after joining your laughter, “Shall we?”

Swallowing hard, you nodded, “Let’s go,” you slid your hand in his and opened the door to your futures.

[httplilyyy]

𝐈𝐃𝐈𝐎𝐓𝐒 𝐈𝐍 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 || 𝐋𝐄𝐀𝐇 𝐖𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐈𝐀𝐌𝐒𝐎𝐍

pairing: leah williamson x reader

request: ‘hope you’re doing well! i just want to say that i absolutely love your fics and when i saw that your requests were open again i almost screamed bc i have been holding onto this idea just for you. i actually saw this idea on my college love letters instagram page that said “if we're both single by a certain age we will marry each other" is always a fun story concept but it could be even better if the pact is made between rivals (r x leah) as a drunken dare and they go on to sabotage each other's relationships because they've been secretly in love all along.’

summary: you hated each other, right? so why the hell do you want to kiss her?

warnings: swearing (that’s pretty much it)

word count: 3.8k

a/n: i’m alive mfs, i kinda changed the request a little but i hope that’s alright. let’s also ignore the fact that this is my first post of 2023 and it’s march also a huge thank you for 850 followers :)

woso masterlist

Your fingers tapped absentmindedly on the glass in your hand. The smell of cheap booze and sweat lingered in the air. Watching as drunken bodies swarmed the dance floor, you leaned your back against the bar.

You don't know how many drinks you’ve had, you didn’t know what was going on, who you were with or where you were. But what you did know was how much you hated her.

You swirled the straw in your glass, watching on as, out of all the clubs in London, she happened to be in the same one as you.

No matter how drunk or sober you were, you always found something in you to dislike every little thing about her.

Whilst some people would call you petty and childish, they didn't know how the feeling was reciprocated.

From the moment you joined Arsenal one thing was made clear. Leah Williamson did not like you. Whatever you did, good or bad, Leah always found something to make her dislike for you more prominent.

At first it was little comments here and there, out of shot from your teammates but it soon escalated into making it her personal mission and life goal to hate you in front of anyone at any time and at any place.  

No matter what you did you could never get Leah to like you, so, if you can't beat them, join them.

Every comment leah made, you retaliated and leah didn't like it. Not one bit.

“Of course you're here.” Leah sighed as she stood beside you, ordering herself another drink.

You didnt turn to look at her, your focus still lingering on everyone else. Breathing through your nose, you gave a disgruntled hum with a small nod of your head.

“Not in the talkative mood tonight, y/n?” Leah questioned, a teasing undertone to her voice as she cocked her head to the side, looking at your side profile.

“Nope.” You replied, popping the ‘p’.

“That's unlike you.” Leah said. “Normally you’re going on and on about how much you hate me.”

“Mhm, maybe I've run out of energy.” You shrugged your shoulders, finally turning your head to look at her.

“Woah, who are you and what have you done to y/n?” Leah chuckled, the alcohol definitely present in her system.

“Very funny, good night Leah.” You said, your voice holding little emotion; sounding somewhat like a robot.

You placed your drink onto the bar counter and walked away from the defender; whose eyes stared at your back curiously.

Just as you were about to make your way out of the club, you felt a cold hand grab onto your arm. Turning around, you were met with a, now very noticeable, drunk Leah.

Sighing to yourself, your head dropped to the floor as you tried to regain any type of courage.

“And where do you think you’re going y/l/n?” Leah questioned, her voice coming out slurred.

“Home.” You deadpanned, removing Leah’s hand from your arm.

“Where’s the fun in that?” Leah pondered, eyebrows furrowing.

“A lot actually, I'll be away from you.” You said, giving a sarcastic smile before walking away again.

“Hey! Wait, one dance.” Leah shouted, catching up to you.

“I’m sorry?” You questioned incredulously, turning around to look back at Leah.

“One dance,” Leah pleaded, “and then you can go.”

“No?” You said, chuckling to yourself at how drunk Leah was.

“Come on. Stop being a party pooper.” Leah said, pulling on your arm and the two of you slowly made your way to the dance floor.

“Fine. One dance,” you huffed, giving in, “but that's it.”

A beaming smile took over Leah’s face as she dragged you in between all the bodies that littered the dance floor, planting the two of you right in the middle.

“Kill me now.” You muttered to yourself, standing as stiff as a board, freezing even more when Leah took a hold of your hands and placed them onto her waist.

“Let loose y/l/n.” Leah whispered into your ear before she turned around and started to dance.

Loud music drowned out your thoughts allowing you to forget about everything going on around you.

For a moment you forgot who you were with, what you were doing and where you were, allowing your mind to go somewhere else.

One dance seemed to turn into four and before you knew it you had been dancing with Leah for minutes on end.

Just as you were about to get lost in another dance, a body crashed into yours from behind, snapping you from whatever trace you were currently kept in.

Finally snapping back to your senses, you pulled your hands away from Leah and made your way out of the club, not uttering a single word to the blonde defender rushing behind you.

Letting out an exhale of air once you walked outside you rummaged around in your pockets for your phone only to come up short til you heard your name from over your shoulder.

“Looking for something?” Leah questioned as she walked towards you, your phone in hand.

“How did you get my phone?” You wondered as you tried to reach for your phone but Leah moved it out of your reach.

“That's for me to know and for you to find out.” Leah chuckled as she tapped your phone on your chest.

“Look leah,” you sighed exasperatedly, “just give me my phone, I need to call an uber.”

“How about I propose a deal?”

“I- yeah fine, whatever just give me my phone.” You said, throwing your hands up in the air as your patience grew very thin.

“Let's say I give you back your phone only if you agree to us getting married by a certain age- if we are single of course.”

“No chance.” You laughed, shaking your head in disbelief at the words that just came out of Leah's mouth.

“Fine, I get to keep your phone then.” Leah said, shrugging her shoulders before walking away and down the road.

“Fuck my life.” You muttered, looking up into the sky as your shoulders sagged.

You took one cleansing breath in before shaking your head and running to catch up with a certain blonde defender.

“I’ll do it.” You said, finally catching up to Leah, walking beside her.

“Finally came to your senses have you?” Leah questioned, the teasing tone coming back in full force.

“Don’t. I can't believe I agreed,” you sighed, “can I have my phone back now?”

“One more thing-”

“Oh what now?”

“You give me a ride home too.”

“Yeah, fine, okay.”

After you booked an uber, the two of you waited on the side of the road. You would occasionally turn your head to look at the blonde beside you, noticing that she hugged herself, shivering from the cold.

“Here.” You muttered, handing your jacket in front of Leah.

She looked at you confused for a second, before she gingerly reached her hand out and took the clothing from your hand.

A small ‘thank you’ fell from her lips as she slipped your jacket on, unconsciously pulling the material up to her nose, taking in your perfume that lingered on it.

The two of you didn't have to wait much longer and before you knew it, you were holding a car door open for Leah, letting her get into the uber before you.

The journey to Leah’s was short and the two of you were soon pulling up outside her place.

“Walk me to my door?” Leah asked, a small smile gracing her lips.

“I might as well, huh?” You replied, rolling your eyes although there was no malicious intent behind the action.

Promising the driver you would only be a couple of minutes, you exited the car and walked around to Leah’s side before opening her door. You held out your hand and she graciously took it in hers, pulling herself up and out of the car.

Shutting the door behind her, you walked her up to her front door where you stopped and waited for the blonde to open it.

After a little struggle, Leah managed to get her door open and she stepped into her place, turning around, one hand on the door the other fiddling with her keys.

“You’re a real piece of work, y’know.” You smiled, shaking your head.

“You love me though.” Leah joked, looking at her feet.

“In your dreams,” you laughed, “make sure you have some water and paracetamol in the morning.”

“Awh, you care about me.”

“Piss off, I'm going to be best friends with your hangover in the morning.”

“Yeah, yeah, goodbye y/l/n.” Leah smiled.

“Night.” You said, replying with a similar smile.

Just as you were about to back away from Leah’s doorstep her cold hand grasped your arm again for the second time that night. Stopping in your tracks, eyebrows raised, you wondered what Leah was going to say.

She looked a little conflicted, not knowing what to say so she didn’t say anything, giving you a little peck on your cheek before pulling away and walking back into her place with a smile not leaving her face.

Your eyebrows rose even higher than they were before and you let out a breathy chuckle before making your way back to the uber and back to your place.

The next morning you had training, begrudgingly getting out of bed, you got ready for the day. The journey wasn’t bad, although you felt a headache creeping its way into your head.

Suddenly, you regretted the amount of alcohol you consumed yesterday. You don't remember much from last night, only a few things here and there albeit they were still a little fuzzy.

You soon met up with the other girls and conversed as you walked onto the pitch. Out of the corner of your eye you saw a certain defender who looked like they had been to hell and back.

Letting out a quiet snicker, you walked past her shaking your head with a smile. Leah noticed and sent a sneer your way, not that you cared and that only aggravated her more.

Time went by quickly and before you knew it training had finished. You were walking back to your car when Katie came running up to you.

“Hey y/n!” Katie shouted, causing you to stop in your tracks.

“What's up?” You smiled, turning around to face her.

“Me and a couple of the girls are going bowling later and we wondered if you wanted to come?”

“Yeah, sure. It’s not like I've got anything else to do.” You shrugged.

“Cool, I'll send you the address.”

“Yeah, no problem, see you later.”

It was around six in the afternoon when you pulled your car up to the bowling alley. Getting out of your car you slid your phone into your pocket before walking into the place. You knew immediately where to go from the loud noise coming from a particular group.

Sending them a smile you walked up to them but it soon dropped, not enough for anyone to notice, but it was safe to say you didn't think you were going to enjoy tonight.

Standing next to Beth, Leah was typing away on her phone. Once the blonde looked up from her phone she sent you a look which can only be described as unfriendly. To everyone else, however, they seemed to miss the way the two of you interacted and put you both into a pair.

It was you and Leah, Manu and Viv, Beth and Katie, Lotte and Steph as well as Rafa and Jen. You had very low hopes and you had a strong feeling that instead of hitting the pins Leah may end up hitting you.

Beth and Katie were to go first and it was safe to say that you didn't think they were going to win. Whilst you watched as everyone took their turns you were sat beside Leah. the two of you sitting like statues.

You thought it was because of the hatred Leah had towards you but it was completely the opposite. All the defender could think about was last night, when she kissed you on the cheek.

She didn't know why she did it but it felt right. But she knew it shouldn't have. The fact that it was so wrong was why it felt so right. Leah knew she shouldn't be feeling the way she is but she couldn't help it.

The only reason why Leah acted like she hated you was because she was afraid of getting hurt. Before she could do anything about it she was already too far down the rabbit hole for her to get out.

Leah just had to accept the fact that you’d never like her the way she liked you, and she was fine with having you in her life as an ‘enemy’ rather than not having you in her life at all.

Whilst Leah was so caught up in her own thoughts she missed the way that you looked at her. Like she was the only person in the world. Although you wouldn't tell her that.

The two of you were pining over each other and the only thing stopping you both from telling your true feelings is the fake hatred you had created.

As time went on and as the little arguments grew and grew they turned into true feelings but you never really did hate her. You were using it as a defence system, afraid of getting hurt.

The two of you were so afraid of getting hurt you didnt realise it was already too painful for you both. Too painful to realise you could be together if you weren't stupid. Too painful to realise you were falling and you were falling hard.

It was finally your turn and you stood up, grabbing a bowling ball. You looked back at Leah, searching for any kind of encouragement from her but she was too focused on the floor.

Sighing to yourself quietly, you took a quick cleansing breath and acted as if it was a match final, and you were going to win.

With your first bowl of the evening you managed to get a strike causing an uproar from the girls, snapping Leah from whatever state she was in.

Turning her head towards the noise she noticed you had put the two of you in the lead and she let out a small smile, watching on as you dodged the playful insults being thrown in your way as you sat back beside Leah.

“Guess I won't have a go this round, huh?” Leah said, a small smile gracing her lips.

“Oh, yeah, sorry, my bad.” You replied, scratching the back of your neck.

“We’re winning, it doesn't matter.” Leah shrugged, turning to watch Manu as she bowled.

“Yeah.” You whispered, trying to fight off the smile that slowly crept onto your face.

It was the fifth round when everyone started to get hungry so you volunteered to go and get some food. After asking what everyone wanted you set off to the little snack bar.

“Hey.” You said, walking up to the bar.

“Hey, what can I get for you?” The lady asked, standing behind the counter. You weren't going to lie, she was beautiful but she didn’t come anywhere near to Leah

You told her what everyone had ordered and she left you to get all your food. As you waited you drummed your fingers on the counter. She was back before you knew it and handed you your food.

“Hopefully that's not all for you.” She chuckled, nodding to the food stacked in your arms.

“I don’t think I'll even get what is mine with how hungry my friends always are.” You replied with a chuckle of your own.

“Well, you're always welcome to come back.”

“Now, is that a marketing line or an excuse to see me again?” You questioned with a raise of your eyebrow.

“Depends on your answer.” She responded.

“I guess you’ll have to find out later.” You smiled, looking back at your friends who were waving you over.

“If i’m not here just ask for Holly.”

“Yea-” You started a reply but was cut off as someone spoke over you.

“I think they will be fine.” You didn’t need to turn around to notice who it was, sending a look of apology to Holly, you walked back to your friends with Leah.

“What was that for?” You asked.

“What?” Leah replied, acting oblivious.

“Back there, I was talking to her.”

“You were taking too long and everyone is hungry.” Leah said, dodging the real reason.

“Whatever.” You muttered, speeding up so you walked ahead of her.

Everyone cheered once you placed down all the food that you had brought and were quick to tuck in.

You sat down in your original place and fiddled with the receipt, not bothering to touch your food, once you realised there was writing on the back. You turned the receipt over and in blue writing was a number scribbled down with ‘text me’ underneath it.

Letting a smile take over your features, you looked over your shoulder and caught Holly’s eye, sending her a quick wink before finally opening the packet of crisps you bought.

Leah, who was sitting in front of you instead of next to you, watched the whole interaction and couldn't help the frown that formed on her face, anger bubbling from deep inside.

“What have you got there y/l/n?” Leah asked before she could stop herself and you looked like a deer caught in headlights.

Everyone turned to face you where you were sitting, struggling to find something to say.

“Y/n’s got someone's number.” Steph said as she looked over your shoulder and the girls ‘oohed’ teasingly.

“Leave me alone.” You chuckled, putting the receipt in your pocket.

“You going to text them?” Lotte questioned and you didn't miss the way Leah rolled her eyes.

“I don't know, do you think I should Leah?” You said, looking at Leah with a challenging look on your face.

“Why are you asking me?”

“It's just that you don’t like me, so you won’t mind me asking them out, right?

“No.” Leah said, a little too quickly gaining a look from a couple of the girls.

“No, as in you don’t mind or..?”

“I- I don’t-” Leah struggled, “just do what you want.”

Before you could even comprehend what was going on, Leah had gotten up rather abruptly and made her way into the toilets.

“What was that about?” You questioned, looking at the other girls.

“I think you should go talk to her.” Viv suggested.

“Why? I mean, you see how much we don’t like each other.”

“Actually, we see how much you love each other.” Beth corrected.

“You’re joking,” you laughed, “she hates my guts.”

“But what about you?”

“What about me?”

“How do you feel about her?” Jen joined in.

“Okay, there's no need for you to gang up on me.” You said, raising your hands up in defence.

“Just go talk to her. I think you both need to have a one on one conversation.” Rafa said.

“Fine, but if we end up killing each other, it's not my fault.” You sighed, getting up from your seat and making your way to the bathroom.

As you walked into the toilets you saw Leah splash her face with some water. At the sound of the door being closed, Leah looked into the mirror and her eyes caught yours.

“How was the hangover this morning?” You asked, not really knowing what else to say.

“What are you doing in here, y/n?” Leah wondered, ignoring what you had said and getting straight to the point.

“I came to check on you,” you shrugged, “the girls made me do it.”

“How kind of you.” Leah said sarcastically.

“Why’d you run off?” You questioned, walking closer to her.

“Like you care.”

“I did ask.”

“It’s complicated.”

“I don't mind complicated.” You said, leaning back against the sink.

“I don't know.” Leah mumbled, looking at her hands. “I guess I got hurt.”

“How?” You asked, genuinely confused.

“Seeing you talk to that girl-”

“Holly.”

“-yes her, I don't know, I guess it hurt knowing that I couldn’t make you smile like she did.”

“So you're jealous? That's why you interrupted our conversation.”

“No, tha- I- no. I'm not jealous.”

“So if i were to go back out-” You said, pointing your thumb towards the door.

“No.” Leah said quickly, grabbing onto your arm.

And that's when you felt it. Her cold hands on your arm sending sparks up to your heart, setting your whole body alight. Her chest was moving up and down, her gaze actively avoiding yours.

“You know, all of this would be so much easier if I actually hated you.” You whispered, your right hand coming up to brush a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

“What do you mean?” Leah asked, her gaze finally meeting yours.

“I never hated you and I never will.”

You cupped her cheek and ran your thumb along her cheekbone. Leah leant into your touch, unable to stop herself from the overwhelming feelings bubbling inside her.

Before either of you could realise what you were doing, you were both leaning in. Leah's grip tightened and her breath got caught in her throat. Hesitantly, you placed your lips on hers.

The sudden action had stunned Leah, her breath catching in her throat. She did not expect you to kiss her now. As her brain started to register what was going on, she kissed you back, putting her hands on your waist pulling you closer.

The two of you were caught up in your own small world, getting lost in the kiss. It wasn't rushed nor hungry, it was passionate and slow. You ended the kiss as you needed to breathe, getting a soft whine of protest from Leah.

“We shouldn’t be doing this.” You said breathlessly.

“Kiss me again.” Leah said, not letting go of your waist.

“But- mmph”

You moved your hand from Leah’s cheek to bury your fingers in her hair, the other hand sprawled out on the small of Leah’s back, pulling her closer until your chests were pressed together. The defender clutched the bottom of your shirt, feeling as it slowly rode upwards.

Her cold fingers splayed across your stomach, gently scratching your skin. You finally broke the kiss once again and you leaned your forehead against hers.

“For the record, I still hate you.” Leah smiled, her chest rising and falling rapidly.

“No you don't.” You chuckled.

“No I don't.” Leah said, shaking her head slightly, placing another peck to your lips.