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Hetalila Fanfiction Recs

Here’s a list of some of my favorite Hetalia fanfictions. Most have pairings, which I’ll specify. I put this up because I know I’m always on the lookout for good fanfiction and I wanted to help out anyone else who’s in the same boat :D Feel free to add onto this or rec me some too ;) Also a good master list of the ones I like LMAO. I’ve noticed I either like tragic, angsty fanfiction or really fluffy ones. A lot are rated M. And a LOT of USUK and Spamano #srynotsry Disclaimer: I did not write any of these; they all belong to their respective authors.

Update: Ive had this sitting in my drafts for like over 4 years and i began it when i was super into hetalia n fanfiction LMAO, what better time to post this when i should be studying lmao its nearly 4 am halp

UsUK

The Secret : Rated T, 32k words, 5 chapters, Drama/Romance, Complete Arthur's sister, engaged to prince Alfred, is killed before she even meets him. Arthur's parents do not want to shame themselves by ending the engagement and force Arthur to dress like his sister and marry Alfred instead. But can this secret be kept? (note: very interesting!! I loved every second of it)

The Courting of Alfred Jones : Rated M, 26k words, 13 chapters, Romance/Hurt/Comfort, Incomplete Alfred Jones is the most popular guy in school and also extremely homophobic. This is why Arthur is his new favourite 'victim', but Arthur has no intentions of grovelling in the dust for him. Punk!ArthurxJock!Alfred (note: Rated M, so there IS some explicit material and I advise viewer discretion. Another highschool AU. Sad that it’s probably not going to finish but it’s worth the read)

When I Only Wanted to Save the World : Rated M, 29k words, 11 chapter, Romance, Complete Alfred is a firefighter in New York City. When he gets badly injured, he takes a trip to London to recover. There he meets a man named Arthur, who ends up helping him recover from wounds he didn't even know he had. (note: warmed my weeb heart)

United Again : Rated T, 31k words, 7 chapters, Humor/Romance, Complete Arthur gets a letter in the mail informing him of his school's ten year reunion.

Unexpected : Rated T, 5.7k words, One-shot, Humor/Drama, Complete World Academy. When Arthur was asked to tutor the star of the American Football team, he expected several things. Sitting in an apartment full of Asian children was not one of them. (cute!)

The Invitational Year : Rated M, 208k words, 41 chapters, Romance/Drama, Complete Alfred is an awkward dork, despite the fact his dad is President. Arthur is a member of British royalty, and he's a perfectionist loner. Both boys are given an invitation to attend the prestigious World Academy and, naturally, they're roomies. (note: A favorite of mine! Quite long but very much worth it. Highschool AU. Can be silly yet dramatic. Anyways, you should read it! Viewer discretion due to sexual themes)

The Sophomore Year : Rated M, 173k words, 34 chapter, Romance/Drama, Complete After meeting at boarding school, Alfred and Arthur became unlikely friends and then lovers. Now, they'll face their sophomore year in America and all the challenges that come with being young, famous, and madly in love. (note: sequal to The Invitational Year)

And All That Jazz : Rated M, 98k words, 22 chapters, Romance, Complete Alfred is approached by the Student Body President, Arthur, for help on his math exam. They hate each other, but maybe opposites can attract with the help of something unexpected. (note: I love this fic. Highschool AU. Also involves music...cuz liek yknow the title)

1912 : Rated T, 52k words, 9 chapters, Romance/Drama, Complete Cynical, overweight and bored in the dull twilight of his empire, Arthur finds distraction in the form of rekindling his relationship with Alfred on board the RMS Titanic during her doomed maiden voyage.

The Arrow was Shot : Rated K+, 5.8k words, One-shot, Romance, Complete In order to win his family's respect, Arthur enters a tournament to win the Princess of America's hand in marriage. At the tournament, he befriends the mysterious Alfred- a fellow competitor who is equally determined to win. As he and Alfred grow closer, he begins to question what is more important to him: his family's respect... or Alfred.

Flirting with Failure : Rated T, 2k words, One-shot, Romance/Humor, Complete Alfred just wanted to get one date with Arthur Kirkland before the semester ended. To do that he had to speak with him. Thus, he was set up for failure.

Hero Frequency : Rated T, 12k words, 3 chapters, Romance/Humor, Incomplete America's got the coolest and most awesome band in school, and he's totally going to win the Battle of the Bands contest. Or at least he might, if he can get England to put aside their past issues long enough to play guitar...

The Gentleman and the Hero : Rated T, 57k words, 21 chapters, Romance, Complete World Academy students have been paired up for an anonymous email exchange program, so they can talk to someone about school and personal problems in private. These are the emails of two students nicknamed 'The Gentleman' and 'The Hero'. (note: I also love this. I find it very cute and also very in character. I want an email buddy lol. Highschool AU)

Breathless : Rated T, 35k words, 4 chapters, Angst/Hurt/Comfort, Complete Arthur Kirkland never thought that golden boy Alfred Jones would ever have a reason to attempt suicide. Then again, how much did he really know about the oh so popular blonde? The rumor mill would surely chew him up and spit him out. (note: p sure this is another favorite of mine. Though angsty, I really enjoyed the development between the two. Highschool AU. Really great read!!)

Static : Rated T, 45k words, 9 chapters, Drama/Romance, Incomplete Sequel to Breathless. Arthur always thought that the incident with Alfred's arms would forever be the biggest hurdle their friendship would face. But as the looks change and the touches linger, it becomes frightfully clear that he was dead wrong about that. (note: continues after Breathless, but not finished ): worth the read anyway)

Ask Me Anything : Rated T, 7k words, One-shot, Romance/Humor, Complete Alfred starts to follow Arthur on tumblr. It's not long until they become friends... and possibly more.

The Cost of Affection : Rated M, 61k words, 32 chapters, Angst/Romance, Incomplete Being a whore is easy: all Arthur has to do is spread his legs and take the money. He doesn't have to face his past; nor does he have to deal with love. And for good reason - because when he does fall head-over-heels for someone, he's forced to realize that his sins go beyond prostitution, and that even as he rediscovers himself, his past is coming back to haunt him after all.

You Can’t Take the Sky Away From Me : Rated T, 113k words, 32 chapters, Adventure/Romance, Incomplete Ace pilot America is on a mission for the World Military when a chance encounter with a group of sky-pirates leads him to team up with their captain, England, against a malevolent group that wants to fill the sky with zeppelins. (note: Steampunk AU. This is a really cool fic!)

We’ll Meet Again : Rated M, 43k words, 13 chapters, Romance/Angst, Complete WW2 AU. London pub owner Arthur Kirkland is driven to distraction by loud, brash American fighter pilot Alfred Jones. Unable to stop it, Arthur finds himself falling for Alfred's charms... just as the pilot is preparing to leave for war. (note: a hetalia fandom clASSIC. MUST READ. unfortunately the OG fics were deleted so someone reposted it, giving credit to the OG author George deValier. this will rip ur heart out n tape it poorly back together)

Franada

La Patisserie de La Rose : Rated M, 35k words, 6 chapters, Romance, Complete Accountant Matthew Williams is used to being unnoticed, ignored, and forgotten. That is until pastry chef Francis Bonnefoy appears like a burst of colour in his dull, grey life. 

AmeViet (yes, Vietnam!)

Hard to Get : Rated T, 57k words, 20 chapters, Adventure/Romance, Complete During World War Two, serious, limited Vietnam meets the boisterous America. Amid fighting, friendship, and stress, America tries to get Vietnam to like him, but she won't let that happen. Or will she? (note: One of my all-time favorites, unforgettable. I can never find fics of this pairing, it’s so hard! But this is a really great fic, highly recommend. also after learning more about Vietnam history, i might give this yet ANOTHER re-read with my new perspectives)

Of Broken Promises and the Taste of Freedom : Rated T, 1.4k words, One-shot, Hurt/Comfort/Romance, Complete Vaguely, Vietnam wondered if this was what freedom tasted like. If perhaps, the hot waves that crashed through her body and set her skin on fire was what it was like to know that you are truly free.

GerIta (apologies, I don’t read too much GerIta LOL)

Auf Wiedersehen, Sweetheart : Rated M, 104k words, 18 chapters, Romance/Angst, Complete WW2 AU. Feliciano Vargas is a passionate, if slightly scared, Italian resistance member. Falling in love with a German fighter pilot was the last thing he expected... and it will test his national loyalty, and his heart, to their limits. (note: another VeraVerse, so well written! you will not ragret. also a repost since Og was deleted, all credit to George deValier)

RusAme

Dear Diary : Rated T, 55k words, 17 chapters, Humor/Romance, Complete Alfred F. Jones isn't gay. Just read his diary; you'll see. (note: I absolutely love high school or college AUs, omg. Also this is hilarious. I can really relate to how Alfred's rambling)

PruHun

The Most Awesome Date Plan Ever : Rated T, 7.5k words, 6 chapters, Romance/Humor, Complete It was foolproof. He had worked out every plan, every detail and each possible outcome almost guaranteed him Elizaveta's love. Until it was ruined by Gilbert's two cockblocking best friends. (note: funny and cute)

Táncol? : Rated K+, 24k words, 6 chapters, Humor/Romance, Complete Elizaveta is determined to find out who Gilbert wants to ask out for the school dance. If that means bullying his friends, being hired by Gilbert to slave over a cake, and invading his diaries, so be it. (note: Another favorite! Very cute)

Hello Hurricane : Rated T, 61k words, 18 chapters, Hurt/Comfort/Tragedy, Complete Sequel to "Táncol?" Elizaveta, Ludwig, Francis, and Antonio are forced to watch Gilbert slowly fade away every day. (note: It might seem like I have lots of favorites, cuz I do and this is one of them. Warning, I cried a lot towards the end. Highly recommend)

PruCan

That Song Called Love : Rated T, 62k words, 25 chapters, Romance/Drama, Complete Matthew had always resigned himself to a fate of musical obscurity on a supporting instrument, but after meeting an ex-delinquent named Gilbert, he just might learn to take the lead. (note: contains other minor pairings. Although she doesn’t play a huge role I’m so happy Vietnam is in it Dx)

Operation Not to Hot : Rated T, 10k words, 2 chapters, Romance/Humor, Complete Gilbert Beilschmidt is dorky, nerdy, and has serious confidence issues. He doesn't really care about himself until he sees Matthew Williams, AKA super-hot-hockey-jock. With Matthew's heart in mind, Gilbert undergoes a complete transformation. (note: funny story. Prussia being Prussia)

Overdue : Rated T, 12k words, 8 chapters, Romance/Supernatural, Complete "Well, Gott, Mattie, at least look someone in the eye when you tell them you're a ghost. Make a good impression!" (note: cute lil one-shot series)

I Have all Summer to Fall For You : Rated T, 162k words, 38 chapters, Incomplete At school, Gilbert makes fun of Matthew, and Matthew just wants to be left alone. But then when the hot days of summer roll around, and they have nothing but free time, things happen that NO ONE could have planned for! (note: MY ALL-TIME FAV PRUCAN FiC Ever. Probably will never finish but the length and quality make up for it)

PruAus

Please Don’t Read the Verdict : Rated M, 57k words, 11 chapters, Romance/Crime, Incomplete District Attorney Roderich Edelstein is faced with a gruesome, controversial murder. He has three months to build a case against the accused, but more than his will to prosecute may be destroyed in the process. (note: sadly not done, but highly interesting!)

Lily of the Lamplight : Rated M, 27k words, 4 chapters, Romance/Angst, Incomplete WW2 AU. Austrian musician Roderich and German soldier Gilbert are forced into an army prison unit and a fight for survival on the Russian Front. But in the midst of blood and death and hell on earth, how long can they fight their desire for each other?  (note: MY 👏 FAV 👏 VERAVERSE 👏 I loveeee this fic, I’m so SAD it’s nEvEr going to be completed. Savor those 4 chapters. Luckily theyre long *cries* Also love the set of main characters, including Prussia, Austria, Berwald, and Poland. Also listen to the song the title is based off of, i luv it too)

SuFin

Cheers to a New Life : Rated M, 94k words, 47 chapters, Romance/Family, Complete Sweden could only find a job as a Kindergarten teacher and the famous Kirkland's little Peter happens to be enrolled into his class. But it is not Mr. Arthur Kirkland who is picking Peter up, it's this angel with the greatest ass Berwald's ever seen. (note: viewer discretion, mostly on later chapters. also has cute lil Peter/Sealand)

My Heart, In Segments : Rated T, 14k words, 10 chapters, Family/Hurt/Comfort, Complete Berwald is a man left alone, and Peter was a kid left behind. Berwald's not really the perfect dad, Peter's not really innocent anymore, and Tino's not really sure he's ready for something so real. But, maybe... Maybe it's time.

In Want of a Wife : Rated T, 41k words, 18 chapters, Romance/Humor, Incomplete Berwald's life is turned upside down when he is accepted into Hetalia International University, and everything changes for the better when he catches a glimpse of his future wife who lives down the hall. Who cares if Tino doesn't accept it yet? (note: Human AU; Lietpol is a bonus in all this hehe)

Treatment : Rated T, 55k words, 12 chapters, Romance/Humor, Incomplete Tino is a young psychology major, well known for being kind and eager to help others with their issues, but less so for his habit of profiling "patients" on campus. His therapist's eye has fixed on Berwald, but will he be the one who ends up on the couch? (note: Though not fully done, it’s one of my favorite sufin fics. Also hilarious bahah)

Catch Perfect : Rated T, 35k words, 8 chapters, Romance/Friendship, Incomplete When Berwald loses everything he is forced to move into a share house with an insane Dane, a sociopathic Norwegian, an unfathomable Icelander and a perfect Finn who makes it all worth putting up with. (note: can be crazy and random, which is probs why I liked it so much. also by George deValier I believe, reposted onto wattpad after it got deleted)

DenNor

Hummingbird : Rated T, 61k words, 12 chapters, Tragedy/Hurt/Comfort, Complete Lukas' only goal in life was to take care of his younger brother, until he was diagnosed with an irregular heart rhythm. His originally peaceful stay in hospital was interrupted when the loud, cheerful Mathias was moved into the bed beside him and refused to leave him alone; yet as his health began to deteriorate, the Dane decided to fall in love with him. (note: I love this fic so much, it’s also another favorite of mine. Very cute but with lots of angst, ahhh just what I ordered)

Secret Crowds : Rated M, 3.4k words, One-shot, Hurt/Comfort/Romance, Complete An explosion leaves Denmark with a permanent brain injury and Norway struggles to find his role in their relationship as the line between lover and caregiver begins to blur. (sad and touching)

I also read a lot of DenNor so im like ?? where the fics at LOL. but i think i read more DenNor doujinshis, so that’s def something yall should look into

Spamano

A Beautiful Story : Rated T, 16k words, 10 chapters, Tragedy/Romance, Complete Lovino Romano Vargas is a suicidal designer who is unhappy with his fate. One day, he chances to meet Antonio Fernandez Carriedo, who turns his life upside down.

Flashlight : Rated T, 38k words, 11 chapters, Parody/Romance, Complete "If I throw a tomato at you, vampire bastard, will you still sparkle under the sauce?" (note: OKAY SO This is actually a Twilight parody w Romano as Bella and Spain as Edward. I don’t really like Twilight but I really like this version of it lmao. Funny and a good read. Mostly Romano’s POV, cRACK )

New Batteries : Rated T, 41k words, 10 chapters, Humor/Romance, Complete Sequel to Flashlight. "WELL, I NEVER LIKED YOU, EITHER. WHAT NOW, YOU STUPID SPARKLY EXCUSE OF A VAMPIRE?" (note: also a parody, just the sequel to the previous one listed. I understand the Twilight plot through these better than the original)

Kismet : Rated M, 174k words, 52 chapters, Romance/Fantasy, Complete Lovino learns the hard way that things change and that they can change quickly. The necklace fell and now he's in a strange land far from home. Will he ever see his brother again? Will he find his way home? Or will he discover home is where the heart is? Fate is a strange woman and can work in mysterious ways. (note: RATED M, viewer discretion. the author has a list of warnings on the first chapter you can look at so you know what you’re reading. Fantasy AU)

Catch You, Catch Me : Rated M, (basically)37k words, 7 chapters, Drama/Romance, Complete Clumsy, clueless detective Romano is on the trail of the infamous handsome and charming thief El Apasionado Caballero. But there's more to this, what seems like a simple game of cat and mouse, than meets the eye.

The Bet : Rated T, 20k words, 9 chapters, Romance/Humor, Complete When someone kisses you, and then moves away you'd think that would be it. But when Antonio comes back from Spain he wants Lovino to be his again. Except Lovino now hates Antonio...which sucks for Lovino because Antonio isn't going to let go that easily.

Zero Tolerance : Rated M, 55k words, 24 chapters, Romance/Drama, Complete Lovino lives a perfect life. Or atleast thats how he is suppose to appear. Antonio lives a life as a dangerous gangbanger. North Side meets South Side as these two are partnered in their Chemistry class. But there is one chemical reaction these 2 arent prepared for- Love. (highschool AU)

Breathless in the Atmosphere : Rated T, 31k words, 3 chapters, Hurt/Comfort/Romance, Complete Antonio only needed money for marble. He needed to make his art. And a chance encounter on the subway offers him a job as a male escort. It was just for the money. He could stop anytime he wanted to. Really. (note: viewer discretion advised. contains prostitution and suicidal ideation)

Before the Snow Falls : Rated T, 19k words, 2 chapters, Romance/Drama, Complete Lovino, jersey number nine, right winger. He was ready to pass the ball, ready to set up the win, but Antonio, opposite team, center fielder, was ready too. Someone thought, and someone didn't, and they crashed. Hard. A few months later, Lovino's on crutches, Antonio has scholarships, and they have to deal with the aftermath of what happened.

Door to Door : Rated T, 3.5k words, One-shot, Humor/Romance, Complete Do not open the door. It could be a zombie, an unwanted boyfriend of your brother's, or a persistant salesman by the name Antonio Carriedo.

Numbered Lithograph : Rated M, 133k words, 29 chapters, Drama/Romance, Complete When Lovino starts attending art school with his brother he finds his most important lesson doesn't come from his professors, but from a culinary student at a sister school: sometimes the flaws hold the beauty. (note: Probably my favorite spamano fic. Very touching. Has fluff and angst)

Bésame Mucho : Rated M, 48k words, 6 chapter, Angst/Romance, Incomplete WW2 AU. Lovino Vargas only ever wanted something exciting to happen in his boring, everyday Italian village existence. He never expected war, Resistance, love, passion, treason, or a cheerful, confusing, irritatingly attractive Spanish freedom fighter. (note: ANOTHER 👏 ONE 👏OF👏MY👏FAVS👏 BUT SAD BC ITLL NEVER FINISH HDUEOFREGH. Also by George DeValier and reuploaded onto wattpad (originally on ff.net)! I’m in love with the writing. Incomplete but sooo worth the read.)

Bad Touch Trio (may or may not contain pairings/slight pairings)

Oh No, We’re Hot : Rated T, 1.4k words, One-shot, Friendship/Humor, Complete In which, after a summer apart, the Bad Touch Trio realizes that they have become really attractive. Really slight hinted Spamano. (note: I absolutely love the BTT, this is a cute short fic about them)

The Trap : Rated T, 4.7k words, One-shot, Friendship/Humor, Complete The prompt was Prussia and Spain meeting France for the first time, thinking he's a girl, kiddy-courting him, then finding out he's a boy, but still kiddy-courting him. Exactly as wacky as it sounds. (note: another cute story about the BTT and their rad friendship! I need this in my life)

Multiple Pairings

Playing Cupid : Rated T, 24k words, 15 chapters, Romance/Humor, Complete In Everett High School there is a secret club called the yaoi club. It is their job, during Sadies, to set up couples. This year Elizabeta has an ambitious plan. She is going to find a date for the infamous Lovino Vargas. Her choice is Antonio, unfortunately half the girls want to ask him too. Will she and her friends succeed? Spamano, UsUk, Prucan, GerIta, others (note: very cute highschool AU! highly recommend! also contains many of the hetalia girls, which is amazing~)

No Pairings

Bad Pasta : Rated T, 13k words, 6 chapter, Mystery/Tragedy, Complete Kiku and Arthur trade rooms. (note: Author also made a game based on this posted on deviantart: Bad Pasta game. I really liked it, especially since I’m into hetalia fangames and whatnot. warning, contains death of characters)

Fun with Former Vikings : Rated K+, 63k words, 17 chapters, Friendship/Family, Complete Brothers that are too awkward to even stand next to each other, husband and 'wife,' and that one guy that drinks a lot. The Nordics couldn't be any more different. And neither could the situations they get themselves into. (note: I love love love the Nordics. This is also probably one of my all-time favs. I love them as bros Dx)

God Only Threw the Humans out of Paradise : Rated K+, 4.5k words, One-shot, Friendship, Complete 12 years is nothing in the life of a Nation. But to a puppy, it's a lifetime. This is a look at 12 years of England's life through the eyes of man's best friend.

Gutters : Rated M, 98k words, 20 chapters, Adventure/Drama, Complete 'The Calamity' has left the world stripped and dying. Alone in a civilian bunker in Munich, Sealand will be reunited with the last known living member of his surrogate family and together, they will set out across Europe to find those they have lost. (note: It’s an adventure story starring Sealand and Denmark. Can be really intense and eMOTIONAL i cried like a bitch, highly recommend. Probably one of my 👏 favorite👏  fics of all time)

Ditches : Rated M, 2.4k words, 2 chapters, Drama/Family, Incomplete Prequel to Gutters. In the days leading up to The Calamity, the world braces and families struggle not to be torn apart.

Breathe Me : Rated T, 66k words, 21 chapters, Angst/Hurt/Comfort, Complete "God I'm so fat." "No, Alfred. You're not. You're –" "Stop it! I am and you know it! The whole world knows! Just stop okay?" Trigger Warning, Human AU, and F.A.C.E. Family. (note: very important TRIGGER WARNING due to mention of eating disorders, verbal abuse, self-harm, and suicidal thoughts.)

[loverosier]

Redamancy

MASTERLIST

PAIRING: Felix Rosier x Female Jacob’s Sibling

SUMMARY: Years after Hogwarts, your family arranged a marriage between you and your former Prefect, Felix Rosier, who only seems to see you as a friend. Eventually, you and he must talk about the state of your relationship.

WORDS: 3,478

WARNING: Mention of death

A/N: Argg this is not my best work but I really like the arranged marriage trope/au. The og draft had so much more angst but I wasn’t feeling it so I tried to minimize it as much as I could. So here it is...semi-angst?? Anyway, thanks to all the lovely people who supported Unsubtle! :) I need to give more love to other characters so I don’t know when you’ll see a 3rd Felix fic from me (although I might write short follow up ficlets to this story).

X

England, at that moment, was drenched in sunlight. Peering out the window from the confines of your kitchen, you could see the willow tree’s sweeping canopy of light green leaves sway in a rhythmic manner. You reluctantly averted your gaze from the tranquil tree to pour fresh boiling water from the kettle to a cream white teapot. The teabags steeped in the hot water and soon colored it green.

You delivered the teapot and several teacups to your living room’s coffee table just as a knock sounded on the door. “Coming!” you yelled as you settled the tray on the table and rushed to the front door. When you opened it, you were welcomed by the sight of your old friend, who wasted no time to leap at you and encircle her pale arms around your figure.

At twenty-one, your blonde-haired friend looked stunning as ever. Slim, tall, and pretty, Penny was not someone you would easily miss in a crowd, especially when she was a renowned owner of a potion shop in Diagon Alley, where you sometimes stopped by on days that St. Mungo relieved you of your mediwitch duties. “Am I late? Is Rowan here yet?”

Your lips quirked upward and you shook your head. “No, don’t worry,” you said and gestured a hand towards your sofa. “Come, sit. I brewed some tea for you and baked some pastries. Rowan should be arriving soon.”

As if on cue, you heard faint rumbling and you whipped your head to the empty fireplace across the room. A few seconds later, the rumbling intensified and the fireplace burst into emerald flames. When the flames abated, two figures you recognized to be Rowan and her small daughter Alisha stepped out. Rowan dusted off the Floo powder from Alisha’s sundress and then her own clothes before moving to pull you into a tight hug. “Merlin’s beard, it feels like I haven’t seen you both in years!”

You pulled away and rolled your eyes. “It’s only been about two months, Rowan,” you said as you watched her embrace Penny. Pulling your attention from them, you spotted Alisha rooted in the same spot near the fireplace, nibbling on her fist and curiously scouring the room with her big brown eyes. You approached her and knelt to her level. “Hello, sweetheart. Would you like some sweets? I have sweets on the table.” You offered her a hand.

Alisha looked over your shoulder at her mother and back at you. Shyly, she nodded and grasped half of your hand with her tiny fingers. You stood up and lead her to the coffee table, not missing the tender smiles on both of your friends’ faces.

Rowan and Penny seated themselves around the coffee table near you and soon, you fell into a chatter about the things that happened over the last few months: Ilvermorny's teaching job offer to Rowan; Penny’s sporadic love interests; the strange injuries you’d witnessed at St. Mungo’s; and even catching up with your other friends’ lives who you hadn’t spoken to in a while because of busy schedules.

While you chat with your friends, you couldn't help but dote on Rowan’s daughter on the side. At last, the conversation shifted from Sirius Black’s escape from Azkaban to you. “I still don’t understand why you don’t have children yet,” Rowan pondered out loud. “You and Felix would be such good parents, I’m sure of it.”

You gave a half-hearted laugh. “I’m a busy mediwitch and Felix . . . well, his job at the Ministry isn’t any easier.” It was true. Your differing schedules meant that you and Felix were hardly at home at the same time. Although, that wasn’t truly the reason why even two years into the marriage, you and your former Prefect remained childless.

After Felix graduated back in your third year, you’d lost contact with him, but you had heard whispers of his success and rumors that you did not have the heart to repeat. Your life at Hogwarts as a not-so-secret curse-breaker went on until you broke the curse on the last vault in your seventh year and you were hit with the harsh realization that your missing brother Jacob had been long gone.

Your family took Jacob home and buried him. And along with him, you buried any chance you had at a future of being a curse-breaker. The fire in you had diminished. You wanted to leave your past of troubles and mischief behind.

You graduated from Hogwarts and went back home, where you often walked the halls by yourself, lamenting over how lonely the house had become in your brother's definite absence. Your mother and father turned to the dark arts to cope over his death. They had never opposed the fanatical pureblood ideals in all the years you’ve known them. Now, they made it known that they wholly support it and You-Know-Who.

When you turned nineteen, they arranged a respectable marriage between you and a pureblood man: Felix Rosier, your former Prefect who you hadn’t seen in more than six years. At first, the arrangement proved to be uncomfortable for the both of you. You remembered being squeamish and him being aloof when you two were left alone to socialize in light of the engagement announcement. For a few months even after the marriage, your relationship wasn’t well, but after some time, your relationship fell into a pleasant friendship. And it has stayed that way even now.

“I hope he's treating you well.” Penny’s low voice cut through your thoughts.

“Of course,” you replied and patted Alisha’s head before facing your friends. “Felix has always treated me well. He is quite the gentleman, really. He respects my opinions and my boundaries, and he doesn’t hesitate to put my well-being above his.”

Penny looked at you and sipped on her tea. Out of all your friends, she was the only one to know that things weren’t always this way between you and Felix. Your relationship with him back at Hogwarts was that of a mentor and his successor, but after you wed, he had become cold and distant. You never knew why, but then again, you never set to find out

“Do you love him?” Rowan asked, and her question caught you off-guard that you almost froze in your seat.

When you didn’t speak, Rowan began to stutter out an apology. “No, don’t apologize. I was just reflecting. Felix and I are good friends, so of course I love him, but I know that’s not want you meant to ask,” you said. “I’ll admit . . . I love him. I find myself wanting to spend more time with him.”

“Does he know?” Rowan asked. You stared at your hands folded on your lap and sighed.

“He doesn’t.” He could not know. How could you tell him when he has never given you a reason to do it? Many purebloods married to keep their line pure. More often than not, their marriage was devoid of love. You and Felix were just another statistic to this fact.

Penny and Rowan must’ve sensed the discomfort in your voice. After the silence your reply entailed, you returned to discussing Sirius Black. Before long, the sun turned golden and painted the sky a blend of yellow, bright orange, and red. Alisha had dozed off with her head on your lap and her short legs sprawled on the sofa. After several minutes, Rowan took the sleeping Alisha from your lap and into her arms and prepared to bid you a goodbye.

“You better come and visit me before you move to America,” you said to Rowan, who replied with a “of course!” She tossed Floo powder into the fireplace and the same emerald flames from before came into view. Rowan cradled Alisha in her arms and flashed you a smile before she yelled the name of her residence. The fires engulfed her and she disappeared.

“I guess I should go, too. I need to head home soon,” Penny said. She slung her bag over her shoulder and turned to you with her arms spread wide. You grinned and let her arms envelop you. While in her arms, she whispered to you, her lips almost brushing against your earlobes: “You should tell him. You never know, he could be feeling the same way.”

You pulled away and shook your head. “And if he doesn’t? I’m afraid that it would ruin the friendship we’ve built, Penny. I’ll keep my feelings to myself. Our friendship is good enough for me.”

Penny wordlessly took your hand in hers and squeezed it. You wished she could stay; she has always been there for you in your loneliest times. You knew that once she was gone, you would be back to being alone in this big house until your husband returned from the Ministry.

Penny raised two fingers to her forehead in a salute and disapparated. Just like that, the house was silent again. You gazed out of the window that overlooked a whole field of wild white and lavender flowers and caught sight of the same willow tree you were admiring in the kitchen. Its drooping branches and leaves swayed less now. You read in a book once that the willow tree gives hope, safety, and a sense of belonging. You hadn’t felt that in a while.

As you turned away, your last words to Penny echoed in your head. Is it really enough? the voice in your head was faint, but it rang loud and clear in your mind.

X

To pass the time, you decided to clean the library. When Felix left the Rosier manor and insisted that the two of you to live by yourselves in this house, you’d opposed to having house-elves. There was no reason to have them when both of you kept your home neat and orderly in your spare time. Besides, you had no children.

You walked into the library with a feather duster in hand. As you cleared the surface of the mahogany table at the center of the room, you knocked over a shallow box. It fell and envelopes poured out onto the floor. You quickly knelt to pick them up.

Most of the envelopes were browning and some were torn open while some remained sealed. You examined the writings in the back of the envelopes. All of them had stamps and the penmanship was elegant. They were all addressed to Felix Rosier, and the return address was written at the top left corner below a woman’s name—a name that was familiar but you could not remember.

“YN?” the voice startled you. You looked over your shoulder to see Felix towering over your kneeling figure. You saw his eyes shift from you to the envelopes in your hands. With light and slow strides, Felix came to your side and started picking them off the floor and into the shallow box. You inhaled his scent—an aroma of coffee and bread. He must’ve stopped by a coffee shop in Diagon Alley on his way back.

“Sorry about that,” he murmured and helped you to your feet. “I haven’t had time to dispose of them,” he said. You, however, did not take notice of his words. You were too occupied with searching your mind for any mention of that woman and trying to attach a memory to her name.

Cool fingers lightly touched your arm. You blinked and found yourself mesmerized by Felix’s warm chestnut brown eyes behind his black-rimmed glasses. “Are you alright?” he asked.

“The writer of the letters,” you said, stumbling over your words, “who’s she?”

Felix retracted his fingers, cleared his throat and fiddled with the knot of his necktie. In almost two years you’ve been his wife, you came to identify this behavior as his way of showing that he was nervous. Whether he was aware of that or not was a mystery to you.

“She was my girlfriend,” he said after some hesitation, “before I married you.”

Your breath hitched in your throat. You remembered where you’d heard that name from now. You had heard it from the lips of a gossip in Diagon Alley.

When you and Felix wed, the wizarding world watched the two of you with careful eyes through the newspapers. You were Jacob’s sister, a pureblood witch famous in your own right for opening the cursed vaults, and Felix was one of the wealthy yet tarnished Rosier family’s heirs. The union certainly elicited some gossip, and one of them that you heard was that Felix was romantically involved with a woman, and his betrothal to you forced him to break it off.

What a horrible thing, you thought. Is that why he was so cold to me when we married?

“Do you still talk to her?” What you meant to ask was if he still loved her, but the words wouldn’t leave your mouth.

“No,” he said with seemingly no hesitation and walked past you to reorganize the surface of the mahogany table. “I haven’t spoken to her in years.”

“Oh.”

Silence reigned in the room until Felix, with his back turned against you, said, “You should go to bed. It is late and I don’t want you to wake up in the morning exhausted. I will take care of the library.”

“Are you sure?” you asked. You stared at his back. Although he said he no longer had contact with her, you felt unease and doubt creeping in. You were his wife but did he love you like he loved her? Could he love you like that? Deep down, you guessed the answer, and it left a bitter taste in your mouth.

“Do not worry about me, YN,” he said reassuringly. Still, he did not face you.

There was an impulse, a sudden urge for you to open your mouth and say something, but you only clenched your jaws tight. You decided then that maybe you’ll take Penny’s advice, but not at this moment.

With a final look, you left the library and headed to the bedroom you shared with him. Having already changed into your sleeping clothes earlier, you laid comfortably on one side of the big, cold bed and draped thin sheets over your body. The clock ticked as you laid still, waiting for Felix to open the door and lay by your side.

You stayed awake for what must have been hours, but he never came. Soon, your eyelids became too heavy. You looked outside and saw the bright stars that dotted the night sky gaze back. Then, the darkness welcomed you.

X

You slowly opened your eyes and propped your body on your elbows. The night sky greeted your sight first. Behind the translucent curtain and glass door leading to the balcony, the silver moon and stars shined bright. It could’ve had you in a trance if only soft snoring did not pull you from its enchantment. You jerked your head to the sound of the snore and found your eyes fixated on your husband.

A sudden realization occurred to you. Yesterday—the day after Penny and Rowan visited—you’d fallen asleep on the sofa after a tiring day at work. You didn’t recall waking up and coming up to your bedroom.

You furrowed your eyebrows. Did he carry me here?

Felix slept on his side, his body facing you. His chest rose and fell slowly and his lips parted to let out the soft snores you heard. Even in the dim lighting, you could make out his sharp cheekbones and jaws that you wanted to trace with your thumb. You inclined your head towards his and hovered your hand above his face. Your fingers lingered centimeters above his cheek before you sighed and untangled your body from the thin blanket.

The floor was cold underneath your bare feet as you strolled towards the balcony, running a hand along the smooth marble balustrade. The summer night air was chilly, but your body was still warm from sleeping under a blanket and being so intimately close to Felix so it did not bother you. In the distance were silhouettes of houses and trees, and the crickets filled the night with their song. You leaned onto the balustrade and breathed in. The sullen night soothed you, and you closed your eyes to familiarize yourself more with it and to get lost in your thoughts.

You kept them close for a while, even when you heard the glass door slide open, even when you shivered from the cold, and even when his footsteps stopped some unknown distance behind you. “It’s cold out here. You should come back to bed,” Felix said.

You made no sound. There were footsteps again, and then there were none. You only opened your eyes when you felt him drape a thin yet cozy blanket over your body. Felix stood beside you, his back straight. His hands were clasped together behind his back and his eyes were aimed at the night sky. He noticed that he did not wear his glasses tonight.

“Something on your mind?” he asked a few moments later. You looked away from him.

“Just thinking,” you said and pulled on the blanket to wrap your body tighter.

“I can tell that it’s troubling you. You can trust me, YN.”

“I know,” you replied and reflected on his words. Almost as low as a whisper, you asked, “Do you resent me?” You felt Felix freeze beside you.

“For what?”

Your mouth suddenly became dry so you swallowed before you continued, “They made you leave her for me. At least, that’s what I heard.”

“Oh,” Felix gave a soft sigh. You felt his eyes burning through you. “The past is in the past. I don’t hate you, although I do admit that I was too cold to you at first. For that, I am truly sorry. It was never your fault.”

“I’ve already forgiven you,” you said and looked at him under your lashes. There it was again: a question burning at the back of your throat, itching to come out, and Felix sensed it.

“There’s something more you want to say,” he stated.

Sometimes you hated how easily he could read you. You heaved a sigh before you began, “Can you . . . can you ever learn to love me? I know we married because of convenience, but . . .”

He didn’t say anything, and somehow, it felt like a thousand needles piercing your skin with heavy force. “Never mind, sorry, that was a foolish thing to ask,” you said quickly with a nervous laugh.

“No, just unexpected,” Felix finally spoke. “You are so brilliant, did you know?” he murmured, “Sometimes I wonder why you allowed yourself to marry me. I have never been a good husband to you.”

You frowned. “Hey, that’s not true.”

He only responded with silence. Somehow, you knew that what you said didn’t reassure him.

A few moments passed and you shivered more even under the blanket. The night wasn’t turning out well, and you wanted to sleep it away. “You’re right, Felix. It is cold. We better come back to bed.” You turned to leave, but Felix caught your wrist. The sudden gesture almost made you let go of the blanket.

“Wait, I never answered your question,” he said.

“Oh, listen, you don’t really need to—”

“Please, I think you’d want to know.” His brown eyes were serious and pleading, and gentle like his grip on you. “I can learn to love you, but if I’m being honest, I think I already have.”

That took you by surprise. “You have?”

“For a while now, I keep finding myself thinking of your laughter and smile. I will not lie and say that it didn’t make me smile too,” he said. “I didn’t know how to tell you. For two years, we have been treating each other as friends, not lovers. I didn’t want to ruin what we have.”

He was doing exactly the same thing as you! You couldn’t help but let out a chuckle, and Felix shot you a confused look. “It’s just that . . . well, you’re also describing me and my feelings,” you said.

Felix smiled and let go of your wrist. “I guess we’re an odd couple.”

“I suppose,” you said and mirrored his expression.

Felix closed some spaced between the two of you and cupped your chin gently. “If I may, Mrs. Rosier . . . I would like to make you smile and laugh. I would like us to love each other, the way it should have been.”

You stared into his brown eyes and for the first time in a long time, you felt hope, safety, and a sense of belonging. Just like that beautiful willow tree that you admired. “That would be lovely, Mr. Rosier.”

X

[Hey guys! I’m trying to really improve my writing so feedback on any of my fics is very appreciated!]