#the next one will be better and at least it didnt take me 20 hours to make | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

adidegmez · 8 months ago

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invincible s1&2 spoilers

i'm starting to watch invincible for the first time and i wanted to write here.

i like the art style. and i thought episodes would be 20 minutes or something this is so much better.

s1 spoilers

s1 ep1(it's about time)

wow. ep was good i liked mark. but the end wow! i didnt see that coming. I saw Omni Man doing bad things before watching the series, but I didn't think it would happen this early. I liked the guardians. Why did he kill them?

s1 ep2(here goes nothing)

i like teen team. and eve. is omni-man lying? i think so. or did something else really happen? i think omni-man wants earth just for himself. and I didn't expect this much blood, at least not this early.

s1 ep3(who you calling ugly?)

guardians of the globe look a lot like the Justice League. mark would probably be better with eve. she'll understand him. but i like amber too. robot!? why?

s1 ep4(neil armstrong, eat your heart out)

yes, something is wrong with nolan. he is not truly a hero. If Superman or Spider-Man were in his place, they wouldn't be able to just stand by while the city is under attack. omni-man scares me. i dont know what comes next.

s1 ep5(that actually hurt)

omni-man let his son die. well, he is not dead but still he didnt save him. What was he thinking? i thought heroes were dead. im glad theyre still alive. and titan! He fooled invinvible.

s1 ep6(you look kinda dead)

its nice to see mark smile. i hope it can last, probably wont but still. whats robot doing? im glad william learned about invincible but amber should learn too. i really dont understand why omni-man killed the guardians. whats with the white house guy and his son we'll see i guess. eve is happy thats nice but mark… heroes cant have a normal relationship i guess.

s1 ep7(we need to talk)

I don't understand why omni-man killed the guardians. I can not understand. Why did he do it?

s1 ep8(where i really come from)

i thought Nolan was lying about his planet and its people. But judging by the name of this episode, Omni-Man may not be from Viltrum. we'll see. I liked that the logo became more bloody as the story progressed. Where is the invading alien? I think we will see it in season 2. this was so good. there are so much things to see in s2. i love mark. he changed his father and maybe in the future omni-man would help save the World because of his son. No one who knew Nolan believed he could do such a thing.

s2 spoilers

s2 ep1(a lesson for your next life)

This must be a different universe or another timeline or a dream. Mark doesn't do this. Someone must be controlling his mind. wasn't donald dead? it was a different dimension. and a villain is born. Mark already has a lot to take care of. now this!

s2 ep2(in about six hours i lose my virginity to a fish)

I hope mark and amber can make it work. The logo is starting to return to its old self. Does this indicate that things will get better? But this can't be, there are so many things, I don't know how it will turn into good?

s2 ep3(this missive, this machination!)

why? Why do they give up what they love for other people? I don't understand. In the TV series or movies I watch, most of the time, nerds compromise on the things they love to be normal. But I love them the way they are and I think they need to find nerds like themselves and live without compromising what they love. i dont know i just feel bad for the collection😅. who tells the story? i like allen. How is he still alive? I knew something was wrong with Thaedus. is allen dead now? seeing debbie, listening her stories makes me sad. nolan was a good dad and a good husband. and now he is gone. amber understands mark this is good. William helps mark. mark has amber eve William and debbie has no one. omni-man! i didnt think he would be back this early.

s2 ep4(it's been a while)

Nolan confuses me. I think he really liked Debbie and Mark. imo he is confused too. Debbie changed him. Maybe it would have been different if he wasn't a Viltrumite. He saved the aliens. He was doing heroism for his duty on Earth, but he didn't have to save those aliens, but he saved them anyways.

s2 ep5(this must come as a shock)

are dupli-kate and shrinking rae really dead? Why didn't Cecil send more heroes? Maybe then they could win. Allen is alive. Thaedus is a viltrumite?!

s2 ep6(it's not that simple)

what! rex died?! why? i thought someone would come and save him. Will the sequids return? They controlled Rudy's mind so I can't be sure. im glad debbie is raising the kid. dubli-kate is really dead.i liked her i liked them all. im glad rae and rex is alive(barely). amber and mark… they love each other. theyre good for each other but it wont work. i wish it could work. I think Rick will fight Invincible. he is a good guy if he was really him he wouldn't fight but he changed so I don't know what he'll do. sequids are back.

s2 ep7(i'm not going anywhere)

there ia 13th doctor cosplayer. i liked it. we saw her 3 times, i think it was the same woman. Am I paying too much attention or will something happen? first time okay second time was okay too but the 3rd time mark and amber was walkinkg and i saw her twice. It was very funny and cool that they animated every example Filip gave while he was talking. spider-man's hand gesture. I love the references. I wish they had erased Rick's memory too. It would be better. i liked april. I hope she doesn't do anything bad. amber and mark they always understood each other until the end. they still do. i wish things could be different but they cant be together. yes, allen is strong. but anissa was right they could save so many people. but what's bad is their attitude. If they had been a little more compassionate or kind, things could have been different. So many people would not have resisted and many worlds could have been saved with less loss.

s2 ep8(i thought you were stronger)

Talking dinosaurs? so many universe. mark is bad. The multiverse is confusing me. How can he be bad in so many universes and be good in this one? but im glad he is good in this one. is that batman? he really killed angstrom. i hope he can put this behind him. kate is alive! I hope mark and eve can be together. allen and nolan. Nolan is a nice guy I wish he wasn't a viltrumite. He was just raised wrong and if he had been raised by good people like Martha and Jonathan Kent he could have become like Superman. I think we can already see that he cares he cares about others genuinely. and thats because debbie and mark really changed him and i hope we can see that more in season 3.

I started the series by seeing a speech by Debbie. I wanted to watch it before, but his speech was really beautiful and tragic. and I immediately started watching the series yesterday. Before i started, I thought it was Nolan who broke his arm and that made everything worse, but at least Nolan is not that person anymore (He never hurt Debbie physically, but he did hurt some people, including her son). I thought Nolan was such a bad guy. he grew up in viltrum but the world changed, him debbie changed him. He loved Debbie, he loved Mark and Oliver. And I hope Nolan can do better things in the future.

this story was amazing. and animation is the perfect way to tell it. i really cant wait for season 3.

this story was tragic. i cried a lot. this Show might be my favorite superhero Project. i love marvel and dc. i saw a lot of superhero shows and movies but this was incredible. i dont know what to say but im glad i watced this Show. im glad i knew mark. and debbie. and nolan. they are amazing. i hope they'll get a happy ending.

i hope season 3 will come soon.

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voidgoatazzy · 2 months ago

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Hello dinguses beloved! I'm writing this post because i cant sleep, and this has been something i've been wanting to get out of my head for a bit.

A lot of my friends (you know who you are) think their art is bad. They think my art is brilliant, and that they are simply worse than me.

Im going to throttle the next person who says that.

For my point of view to beunderstood, im gonna give yall some backstory. Im almost 20, i've been drawing since i was 14 or 15, 4-5 of those years have been digital art, which is what i do now, and what people i know tend to judge themselves on.

"Oh Azzy, you can do so much in such a short time!" Its because I've been doing this for a quarter of my life. I've been spending my developmental years doing this. Almost every day, multiple times a week, for 5 years. Obsession fuels my art, and you get good at drawing a character when you draw them at least once a week every week for 5 months. I dont have a life outside my art and my viddy games, which INSPIRE my art.

"You draw like a god!" See the above point.

"I wish I could draw like you!" That takes time! And energy! Not everybody is able to muster it! And once you muster it you have to keep it going! I have so many abandoned projects because I'm abyssmal at keeping that energy going for more than a piece or two every day or couple of em!

"My art sucks, i don't wanna look at it." That's self-esteem, or really, lack there-of. I see beautiful cosplays from these people, beautiful minecraft models, amazing writren works, and voice acting and- AUGH. They look at one medium of art they don't immediately EXCEL at and think "im bad at this."

Do you wanna see art from my early days, the ones i didnt use bases for? I'll show you.

A lot of people would call these good! And im not disagreeing! But this is what my early art looks like, and nowadays it doesn't meet my standards whatsoever. Because, thanks to how much ive done this, and how much ive seen, my standards for myself have risen!

This my art now!

The first is on my phone, a sketch with my finger. Just for reference.

This isn't me trying to flaunt my skill! This is me trying to show you that this is shit that i have been doing for YEARS. Years and years, same with my writing! Day in, day out, all that i do. This is what gave me life for a long time, before i was in SMPs and moving a state away and getting jobs. And again, so much of my art is fuelled by OBSESSION.

It takes SO MUCH to be better at anything, be it in bettering yourself, your arts, anything and everything. And my friends and the other people around me don't get that.

Some people manage to be this good at art early, manage to grasp it tight and become what people consider godly at like. Age 8. Could get paid for their art at 6. But they're outliers. The average person can't do that. Doesn't have the time. The energy. My level of obsession.

I don't WANT abybody to have my level of obsession, the thing that lets me churn out this kind of stuff in half an hour.

It's a learning process. Some people just think the lesson is over once you know how to put lines on a paper.

Saying your art is bad makes you worse. Objectively. Its why im deleting my commission-related post soon, because i still cant look at art i have made for someone else and say "this is good," because my self-esteem isnt there yet, and me saying that has wrecked drawings from the first lines.

So stop doubting yourself aloud. Don't wuit creating. Don't quit drawing, or cosplaying, or voice acting, or writing, just because you think someone is better at it. Just because you dont meet standards that OTHER PEOPLE have set.

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notahorseindisguise · 2 years ago

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HELLO????? /SO POS

god i loved that btw. i owe you my life

(this ask is about my creepy eldritch horror story)

fun fact, that really was not a work of fiction. like, if it were i would happily admit it and take credit for being that creative *consciously*, but nope that was all my subconscious in my dreams when i was a child.

i had some really weird dreams when i was a kid, some of the scarier ones are just so impossible to put into words, to describe. i cant even picture them now.

one of them, i remember, was a huge maze. a maze of an impossible, cosmic scale. there was no sky. i dont mean it was covered, or that it was black, or white, or grey, or anything, i mean literally nothing was up. i didnt look up much. it hurt my eyes.

like most dreams, these ones didnt really have a beginning, or an end. i would just fall asleep, then open my eyes, and i was trapped. the sheer size making me feel insignificant.

i would go throw this huge maze. for whatever reason, the maze felt like it should've been really short. like, yeah, its big, but surely i can just walk through it in like. a couple hours at most, right?

i had no sense of time in there, but i know i spent years in the maze. time moved differently in that dream. obviously i would wake up and only a couple hours passed, but i know i spent years in there. at least 3 or 4 years every night, going down the wrong paths, backtracking, getting lost... i never got hungry, never got sick, never got tired; just got more and more insignificant, dwarfed by those huge walls.

most nights i was all alone. a couple times i found someone else, but then they would vanish. it happened in different ways each time. one time i found someone, i sat with her, and talked to her for a bit, before... i dont know how to explain it. but i stood up, turned around, and walked away. every part of my body screamed to go back, but i couldnt turn around, despite how lucid these dreams normally were.

id been alone in there for years it felt, and i had finally found someone else, and i just walked around 20 paces away. and then there was a noise, like something cutting through wind, and then i had control over myself again. turning around, the person was gone, and no trace of her ever existing was left. they all disappeared in different ways - one time i blinked and they were gone, one time i was walking up before i sort of, for want of a better word, "glitched" backwards a couple metres, and they were gone - but each time three things were the same.

there was this loss of control, where i couldnt move for myself

there was a rush of wind, not one i felt, but one i heard, like a thrown frisbee or something, that went as quickly as it came

i never saw what happened to them.

i aged in these dreams. it was the imagination of a child, so i dont think i aged like a normal person would age, but each painfully long night i would age a couple of years, getting older, stronger, more adjusted to the maze.

this dream, i dont know if im doing it justice, because it is so difficult to remember. i just remember the feeling of insignificance in the face of the huge maze.

im gonna try to stop explaining the scenery of the dream, and finish up this story with how the recurring dream finished up for me.

i was old. i don't know how old, but i know moving was a torture in and of itself. and this night, everything was different. i kept going, i kept pushing through the maze. i rounded a corner, and saw freedom. i saw my freedom. i started to run as fast as i could towards it, keeping close to the wall for support. lucky i did that because i did fall. and there i sat. directly opposite what i knew was the end of the maze. i sat there, staring at the exit, staring at my freedom, and i thought... thats fine. next time i have this dream ill finally see whats out there.

i never did though.

that night, someone found me. i dont know his name, i dont know anything about him. but he came up and he was standing right in front of me. i tried to tell him to turn around, but my throat closed up. i couldnt move. i couldnt point. and he just stood there until i realised he was talking. i heard him ask if i was ok, and all i could say was "y-yes."

this poor boy, he didnt know how close he was to his freedom. but i did. but i also saw the walls extending, growing, laughing at us as the exit disappeared, and then i realised there is no way i could ever leave this maze.

as the walls grew further, i felt whatever was stopping my talking let go, and i heard my own raspy voice say "turn around". he looked at me, puzzled, before he did so. only then did i realize my mistake.

he turned around. he started walking away. i felt more terror in that moment then i had felt in my entire life, but i couldnt scream. at least id finally find out what happened to the people i met.

the sky, the sky which wasnt a sky, the endless void above us which just by looking into i could tell was nothing and could never be something, the overseer of this unending maze... with a hand that did not exist, it reached down, and with a mouth that was not a mouth, it swallowed me. it did not reach down and it did not swallow me, but perhaps those are the closest approximations for whatever it did to me.

as i was lifted into the endless abyss, i saw it grinning, and swiveling my head, i saw the maze reflecting that same grin.

i dont know what happened to me up there.

i woke up, and i never had that dream again.

*****

i dont think this one is as scary as the other one when written down, but just the feeling of the mazes hugeness and my smallness... that was enough to heavily terrify me as a child, in a way i cant put into words.

thanks for reading!

#corntent #i have one more horror nightmare #but its not as scary?#and writing down things in a way which is both accurate to an ever shifting and twisting and inhuman dreamscape #and also enjoyable and fun to read #is very difficult #so maybe in a couple months time ill try to do my last one #cosmic horror #horror #nightmare #eldritch horror #if this were a magnus archives entity it would be the vast i think #that is all!

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cocoandthequill · 4 years ago

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Heartless monster

Nate Jacobs x Reader

Warnings: kinda toxic relationship, slight cursing, mention of rape, drug use, violence and some smut at the end

Summary: Nate and y/n have been dating for a few months. She´s the complete opposite of every other girl her boyfriend has dated before. And when she wants to make it public he doesn’t approve, so she decides to make him jealous. Seems like her plan worked...

Nate <3: im a mckays right now. i will pick u up a bit later.

“Fucking idiot!”, I muttered under my breath after taking a hit from my mango flavored puff bar. A million thoughts coursed through my head, “Is he really at McKay’s? What does later mean? IS HE TALKING TO OTHER GIRLS?” This is the real me. Insecure, nervous and possessive. I’m not the cocky bitch everyone sees in me.

I tried to call Nate a few times but of course he had other things to do. After lying on my bed and waiting for him to call for another 20 minutes I decided to get up and go to Fez’ shop since he is one of my best friends. I was sure at least he would be happy to see me.

“Mom? I’m meeting a friend of mine. See you later.”, I shouted after putting on my shoes. My mother was currently in a little midlife crisis and didn’t want to communicate with anyone and I respect that.

The walk to Fezco’s shop didn’t take long and I honestly really enjoy walking in the dark, even if I was risking getting raped or even worse.

“y/n! What are you doing here?”, Fez exclaimed after I opened the door to the little gas station and before coming up to hug me. “Oh you know Fezzie, I was bored again.”

Fezzie. He absolutely despises that name but still lets me call him like that.

”Well, feel free to stay here if you want then.“, he invited me. We then shared a little blunt and talked about random shit like always. After what seemed like an hour or so we saw a white truck pulling up in the driveway.

“Wait....that’s Nate‘s car!“, I remembered. He picks me up sometimes with it so of course I would remember. But I didn’t say anything.

Instead one of the maybe dumbest but also greatest ideas came into my mind. I started kissing Fez on the neck. "Please, just make out with me. I know it`s weird but I need your help right now.“, I pleaded. The ginger haired boy looked like he wanted to say something but then decided to just play along. Fezco put his arms around my waist and started shoving his tongue inside my mouth.

Suddenly I heard the door open. “Y/N WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING!” , Nate Jacobs shouted while looking likes he’s about to explode. His jaw clenched and his fists balled. Me and Fezco stopped kissing and I turned to Nate, smiling innocently, “Why are you so furious? It’s not like I have a boyfriend or anything, right?” “Oh y/n, you are going to regret this very soon!”, he stated angry. And now Fez decided to speak up, “Calm down man, it’s not like she owes you anything.” “Don’t tell me what to do! Nobody asked for your opinion anyways.”, Nate exclaimed before punching my friend right in the face.

I decided to step in before it could get worse, “NATE STOP! IT WAS MY FAULT! HE DIDNT DO ANYTHING!” Nate chuckled a bit before answering: “Well sweetheart, looks like you should`ve thought about that before practically fucking him in front of me.” Now I got really mad. FUCK HIM? We weren`t even close to doing that. Just as he wanted to hit Fezco another time I grabbed his arm. “Please stop hurting him. Do it for me, if you really love me.” Seems like my words made him realize he’s doing a mistake so he left Fez alone. Instead Nate grabbed my wrist harshly and I could only shout a quick, “I’m so sorry, I will explain later” to Fezco before getting dragged out of the shop.

“Why did you make such a scene?”, I asked irritated. Nate just huffed clearly annoyed and didn’t speak to me until we reached his truck. “Get in.“, he ordered while opening the door for me.

After a while he finally spoke up, “Why?“. “I don’t want to hide anymore, Nate. Why can’t you just tell the truth? Tell everyone that we´re in love?” I asked on the verge of tears and looking at my boyfriend for the first time today. “I do love you, y/n. I really love you. But I just can`t. We’re very different, you’re not like the other girls I’ve dated before.” “You can`t? Or are you just a fucking pussy? Scared of what daddy´s gonna think of you when it turns out you´re dating an outcast? Fuck you, Nate. I don`t need you anymore. You´re a stupid little spoiled boy who knows nothing about life.”, I screamed and when I tried to slap him he pinned my arms above my head with one hand and started choking me with his other one. “If I was you I would be careful with my words. I invented you. Nobody knew your name before me, so don´t be a ungrateful whore.”, my boyfriend whispered in my ear and just as I couldn´t breathe anymore he pulled his hands away.

I pushed the passenger door open and exited the vehicle. “You´re a heartless monster, Jacobs!”, I cried with tears streaming down my face.

Then I ran home.

-time skip 30 minutes-

I was scrolling through Twitter when I suddenly got a facetime call from Kat. I´m pretty close with her but she doesn´t know I´m dating Nate.

When I accepted it I saw that she was filming my boyfriend, they were at McKay´s party and he was standing in the middle of the livingroom, talking about me. “I wanted to tell you all that me and y/n are dating.”, he shouted and clearly everyone in the room was as shocked as me when I heard what he said. “And we´re truly in love. y/n is an amazing girl and none of us actually deserve her. So if you can´t accept the fact that we are happy together you better shut up!, and with that Nate exited the room.

Kat flipped the camera and looked more then surprised, “What the actual frick y/n? When did you plan on telling me that?”

I explained everything to her as fast as I could and then got up and ran to McKay´s house.

I felt the need to apologize to Nate for everything I did tonight. I was a real cunt.

-time skip 3 minutes-

When I got there I just saw him getting into his truck, “Nate wait!” He turned around and looked at me surprised, but I could see the little smirk that formed in the corner of his mouth.

When I got to him I kissed my lover hard on the lips and he kissed me back. It was a long, passionate kiss. “I´ve been waiting to do that the whole day.”, he admitted and we got in his car.

On the way to my house Nate put his hand on my thigh as always. But suddenly I felt it moving closer and closer to my clothed core and a moan escaped my lips. “You like that?”, he asked, giving me a playful wink. I could only nod when he put his large hand under my miniskirt and pulled down my red lace panties.

When he stuck one of his calloused fingers in my tight hole and started rubbing my clit with the other ones I reached for Nate´s soft brown hair and gripped it as hard as I could. He quickly parked on the nearest free space and let`s just say it was a very long night.

———————————————-

omg guys! that`s the first fanfic i`ve ever written. i know it´s not the best but i still hope you enjoyed reading it as much as i enjoyed writing it! anyways, feel free to send me requests on what i should write next. :)

-nicole

#euphoria #fanfic #fanfics #fanfiction #x reader #nate jacobs #jacob elordi #euphoria fanfic #fezco x reader #euphoria smut #couple #couple goals #imagine #euphoria imagine #nate jacobs imagine #nate x reader

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wizkiddx · 4 years ago

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two beautiful girls

someone asked for me to try dad!tom again so here's my humble attempt, I really really hope it doesn't disappoint but honestly I didn’t spend a lot of time on it before my brain turned to mush :) hope everyones okay... today seems to have felt particularly shitty for no real reason, but sending lots o love <3

dad!tomholland x reader

Summary: dealing with your daughter while tom’s away is tricky to say the least, but its all worth it when the three of u are reunited again // fluff (and maybe angst if u squint rlly hard)

(I can’t work out where this pic is from to credit but pls lmk if it’s yours/ u know)

Normally, hearing the door turn in the lock of your front door was one of the best sensations in the world. No matter how long Tom had been away for you would always be filled with such a sense of relief and warmth just by knowing he was there. Sometimes it’d be after he left only a couple of hours previous for a two hour meeting; or after a quick long weekend in New York for an event; ranging to a two and half month block of shooting across the globe. Especially since little Nova was born, your longing for Tom was only quadrupled because you also had a complete ‘daddy’s girl’ pining after him too.

Tom had only been away for a couple of nights, yet your 18 month daughter seemed to think she’d been abandoned for months on end. She had slept for less than 6 hours each day and as much as you tried to appeal to her wise and intellectual side (which didnt really exist - she was only 18 months) that sleep would pass the time till his return ; she was having absolutely none of it. Nova kept you up for hours and hours, screaming, screeching and wailing because you weren’t as ‘funny’ as daddy or as soft as her daddy. And what does a sleep deprived baby lead to…? A grumpy baby. She refused to eat which was so awful because then you felt as if you were neglected your child.

It just made you feel a bit of a failure, to be quite frank. The house was a mess - you’d tried almost every toy to cheer her up, which Nova had actually found great joy in launching back at your face in spite. You were a mess too - at one point, who knows when, you had tied your hair back but now flyaways were everywhere as it pulled itself out of the grasp of the too-loose scrunchie. Oh and then there was the babyfood Nova had kindly spat all over your shirt.

It had been a really fun three days.

It was therefore counter intuitive, the fact that Tom’s homecoming only filled you with dread. But you didnt want him to think your were a failure. You were supposed to be Novas mum after all, why must things be so hard when they’re supposed to be all natural and easy? She hadn’t even reached the terrible twos phase yet - that seemed like a far off hellish nightmare you were trying to avoid thinking of. Of course, you loved loved loved Nova - she was already growing up so fast that it actually hurt your heart a little, to think of how much in even a week she’d grown.

But it was still fair to say she’d been a little devil this week.

This evening you had finally managed to tempt her to sit in the high chair, she’d had about two mouthfuls when you heard Tom entering. Thats exactly what you needed, Tom to get her all over excited so she wouldn’t eat, wouldn’t go down and wouldn’t let you rest. In the madness of it all, you hadn’t managed to even attempt to clean up the sea of toys either so Tom would immediately have all your failings before his eyes. Just bloody great.

“Where are my two beautiful girls?”

Like clockwork, he’d always say it and Nova would always gurgle out a “dada” just as she did today. Though this time she kicked her legs in desperation, momentarily looking at you with the kindest eyes she’d given you the week. It was only because she wanted something, you knew that, yet you still gave in. With a sigh you stood up and unclipped her from the high chair, even if this was the first time in a good few days she’d been happily eating her dinner. Or rather, had taken the single first bite.

She had something to show her Dad though. When he’d left she still didnt have certain skills, capabilities that only now she had learnt. Nova was very proud of her knew ability to kick things - recently discovered when you were attempting to put her shoes on to go to the supermarket. Instead, after 5 attempts of her impressively booting them across the room you’d surrendered - Nova walked round the shops barefoot (probably a bit irresponsible on your part but desperation calls).

So now she giggled whilst hurtling through the room, as Tom rounded the corner in grey joggers and a black hoodie. You watched his eyes light up, whilst he knelt down at the door way to welcome your curly haired princess into his arms. With all her force, she barrelled into him , her little arms wrapping as far around his broad chest as she could. Immediately Tom reciprocated, pulling her up into his arms and swaying slightly side to side.

“Hey little one, I missed you!” He was positively grinning from ear to ear as he rose the two of them up , pressing a quick peck to her unruly locks.

Only then did he look up and survey the surrounding situation, you saw him track his eyes through the mess of toys on the floor, over the counter top piled high with dishes you hadn’t got round to doing and the bin that was overflowing because you just had kept putting off taking it out. It was so embarrassing that you daren’t to even look at him, instead focusing completely on mixing the now lukewarm mush you’d made for Nova round the bowl. Tom slowly picked his way through the hazardous floor, inspecting you closely. It honestly made him feel a pang of guilt, the way you looked beyond exhausted and run down - the dark shadows under your eyes only testament to that.

“Hey darling.” He spoke softly, keeping Nova pressed to his chest in one arm while the other went to rub your side. “You okay?” Not wanting to disappoint him, you momentarily collected yourself before looking up at him with the a small smile.

“Yeh I’m good. How was the flight?” You knew Tom already saw past your attempt of small talk, the was his eyebrows furrowed slightly being the tell. But before he could question you further Nova started wriggling round in his hold, making him arch back to look at her.

“Have you been a good girl for mummy little one?” Given your defeated look, Tom was pretty sure he already knew the answer - Nova chose instead of confirming either way to just wriggle some more as she shouted Dada.

“What you doing crazy?” He chuckled rhetorically, bending down to let her out of his hold, where she then dragged him across the room to the foam mini ball she had. With her still slightly uncoordinated gait, she focused her eyes completely on the ball, her tongue slightly poking out the left corner of her mouth. Then with a forceful yelp she smashed the ball upwards and across the room, flying into a closed cupboard door before bouncing down to the floor. Expectantly Nova’s hazel eyes immediately then searched for her Dad’s - a massive smirk on her face.

“NO WAY NOVA!!!” He shrieked, running and scooping her up once again, this time spinning her round so her legs flew out- her giggles enough to warm even the coldest heart of stone. “Your right foot is better than Manes!” He laughed, though neither girl in the room getting the football reference- Tom had long since given up hope of you getting invested in football, no matter how hard he had tried. “You’re gonna be the best little footballer Kingston has ever seen!”

Nova seemed more than fulfilled with his praise, laughing and settling down in his hold whilst he straightened up glancing back at you again.

“She’s learning so fast.” You mumbled up at him and Tom nodding, taking a seat in the chair next to you.

“She’s got a pretty impressive teacher!” He tried so hard to perk you up, nudging your side as his gaze felt as though he was boring holes into you.

Not knowing how to reply to his compliment you left it and the room faded to silence briefly, the atmosphere feeling rather uncomfortable for your marital home.

“Do you mind finishing off her dinner if I take a shower?” You muttered under your breath, wanting an escape.

Naturally Tom agreed, even if he watched you walk out the room with a worrisome expression on his face. He knew his job wasn’t easy for you at all. It had been hard enough when it has just the two of you, the long periods apart bore longer on you. Over the time Tom had been acting, he’d become somewhat used to these long periods of absence, it had just become the usual. But for you? You working a normal job meant it was harder. You couldn’t go on double dates with your friends - half the time you boyfriend was across a sea from you. Now though, with Nova, you’d lost someone you grew to depend on. Yes, it might only be for briefer periods of time but it still didn’t feel any easier. He was effectively leaving you to be a single mother and although his family obviously endeavoured to support you in every way possible. It just wasn’t the same.

So whilst Nova babbled excitedly her mostly gibberish in the highchair, Tom spent the time sweeping round the kitchen/diner , collecting up the toys into their boxes, loading up the dishwasher and wiping clean the surfaces - all whilst entertaining Nova with brief ‘no reallys’?” And “what ! That’s unbelievable’ and “so what did you tell them?” In response to her baby language babble. His fiery daughter was distracted by the food and one sided chat for all of 20 minutes, letting him just about finish up before she grew impatient of some more attention.

“So what did you get up to then little miss nuisance?” He asked while wiping her mouth which was now smeared with her tomatoey gloop.

“Went park. Mummy made cookies!!”

“Cookies? No way can I have one?” He did honestly fancy the sound of a cookie, and after lifting her out the seat and onto his lap he looked round the kitchen in search of the baked goods.

“No.” She giggled with a mischievous twinkle in her eye “all gone!!”

“What?!?”

“All gone! Mummy and me drawed too look!” She pointed out the multicoloured scribble of uncoordinated lines spiralling together that had been stuck on the fridge.

“Oooh that’s beautiful darling what else did you do?”

“Mummy and me played paw patrol! Mummy was silly!” Nova laughed at the memory, Tom squeezing her up into his chest again loving how bloody precious she was.

“Why was mummy silly?”

“She did Ryders voice! Mummy voice is better than Daddy’s!”

“WHAT?!?” Shrieking in offence, Tom tickled her belly until she was squirming on the top of his thighs in fits of laughter, making Tom laugh away too.

He truly loved his beautiful daughter.

It took you a good couple of hours to venture downstairs, feeling for some ludicrous reason that you had to pluck up the courage. When you went down, you assumed that Nova had already passed out or was about to - the house was serene and quiet. So in your joggers and one of Tom’s big tees, you crept back down the stairs. Entering the kitchen first to get yourself a water and Tom a beer ( he never didn’t want a beer, especially after a long flight). As you entered, your feet seemed to loose their connection with you body making you halt jerkily, seeing the almost sparkling kithchen. All the toys and general clutter was gone from the floor; the dishes magically vanished, revealing a counter that you’d almost forgotten had existed. What you had done to deserve Tom was beyond you, yet you were so grateful - and felt a flutter inside your chest as you went back out and into the living room.

Tom had Nova sat on his thighs, though she was more like slumped against his chest as he tried to lull her to sleep with his deep voice quietly reading one of her superhero books. It had been unavoidable - she’d been indoctrinated into the world of Marvel before she could even talk, Tom insisting on wanting her to know that ‘she could be a superhero too if she wanted to’. The Spiderman baby grow, the captain marvel water bottle- the subtle nods to his roles where impossible to avoid in your house. His warm eyes briefly flicked up when he noticed you standing at the doorway, he paused his sentence to give you a warm smile and nod you over to the sofa beside him. Still feeling a little self conscious, you stared at the floor while rounding the table and plonking yourself down next to him - allowing just a little gap of space.

“Thanks for sorting the kitchen, I’m sorry-“

“Don’t worry at all darling” He arched over to you and pressed a quick peck to your forehead before Nova mewled in annoyance of her story being interrupted. He lightly chuckled, bringing the one hand that wasn’t holding the book to brush her unruly curls back off her head.

Tom kept reading in his soft voice and you let your eyes slip close, just enjoying the peace that you hadn’t experienced in what felt like a lifetime as Tom’s voice lightly hummed through your head. That was until Nova decieded to interrupt the calm just once more. She grumbled insistently and squirmed in her Dads lap, before heavily pulling her head up and blinking at you - holding her arms out expectantly.

“Think she wants her mum” Tom whispered, already lifting her over to you as you sat slightly bemused by the whole situation. Tom was home, her daddy was home, why did she want you? Tom laughed at your quizzical face as Nova burrowed her nose into you neck, letting out a contented huff. “My girls huh?”

“I promise you this is the first time this weekend she’s acknowledged me as anything more than mrs truchbull!”

“Well she’s spent all evening telling me about how good you are at baking and how your paw patrol voices are better than mine.” He murmured his words lowly, so as not to disturb Nova who was already asleep on your chest.

“She did?”

“She loves her mum… almost as much as I do” Chuckling, Tom wrapped his arm round you, pulling the both of you down to his chest while you swore your heart was exploding.

“I love you too Tommy”

Safe to say you and Nova were both exhausted, so after an almost shamefully short time your head rested heavier and heavier on Tom’s shoulder whilst he aimlessly carded his fingers through the ends of your hair. You really were an exceptionally amazing mother, before Nova Tom assumed he couldn’t love you anymore and yet seeing you cuddled up to his baby girl - his feelings for you could only grow infinitely. Making the executive decision to not move either of you upstairs to bed, he instead reached over to grab the blanket. He draped it over himself and his two best girls, choosing to stay in that magical moment for as long as possible.

He loved his beautiful family of three.

And tess … Tess too ;)

#tom holland #tom holland fluff #tom holland x reader #dad!tom #Tom Holland x y/n

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purplecraze · 2 years ago

Text

Beauty and the Beast AU 8

orange-plane-boy — 08/28/2021 10:10 PM

....The room was sure something, but Nara now was more worried about the owner.

"No fuckin wonder you got a cough- you look even more shitty than the usual, sir" he got at the window, closing it

"Hold on-"

He grabbed the soup and went back in the kitche to warm it then got back.

He kinda..grabbed the longest spoon he could find too

"Try to sit, you need to eat"

purplecraze — 08/28/2021 10:14 PM

shitty he sure looked. He was drenched in sweat and his face was flushed. he was in no state to sit up, really.

orange-plane-boy — 08/28/2021 10:15 PM

"C'mon, you know i cant pull you up, and you are gonna choke if you eat laying down"

He sighed and looked for another blanket, and then added some more fuel to the fireplace

purplecraze — 08/28/2021 10:18 PM

blankets and pillows enough. easy fodder to destroy during a rampage.

Fugo tried to scramble around, but he was too far off to put any strength in his arms.

"mmme.....nh...h.h.....a..ah.h......."

orange-plane-boy — 08/28/2021 10:20 PM

He grabbed a chair and dat next to the bed

"Uggh, sorry if i didnt noticed you were sick...I was sure you were just brooding in you room like you did the past days-" he murmured

"If i get the glass close to you, can you drink without chocking or touching me?"

purplecraze — 08/28/2021 10:24 PM

He weakly opened his eyes, peeking at Narancia. he couldn't really reply, but he made a motion with his hand to make a fire bird appear. it was hella weak, though. But better than nothing, at least it could touch him.

orange-plane-boy — 08/28/2021 10:25 PM

"Dont push youself-" He murmured, getting the glass close to his lips, making sure to not spill any water on his face

purplecraze — 08/28/2021 10:27 PM

yeah no, the bird didn't work, it was gone again....

Fugo was too weak to object, if he'd tip the glass very carefully, things went alright.

orange-plane-boy — 08/28/2021 10:28 PM

He made sure that the water didnt spiller, after all he kinda had his own experience in being a caretaker...

"Good, good" he murmured

"Now lets try eat a bit ok? You need some energy-- and meds. God do you have any meds in the house??"

purplecraze — 08/28/2021 10:30 PM

no of course he didn't, haha. he could get rid of external wounds, but a common cold seems to be his one weakness out of like a 100 weaknesses

orange-plane-boy — 08/28/2021 10:33 PM

He sighed and slowly tried to spoonfeed him. He glanced down the window; he needed to go to the nearest village (that didnt kicked him out) buy some medicine and go back here before it was dark. At foot. While snowing.

Ok maybe he deserved to casually pocket some jewery before the 5th day

purplecraze — 08/28/2021 10:34 PM

just please don't take the magic stuff, you don't know what it's for;;;;;

As he was feeding him the soup, something drastically changed:

He was crying...

orange-plane-boy — 08/28/2021 10:37 PM

Ehy he is not that dumb!

"Ehy ehy, Fugo dont cry- sorry-"

Why he was crying?? Was that sick?

"Its ok, im gonna go grab some medicine ok? You just stay here and keep youself warm, really in sorry i didnt noticed early-"

purplecraze — 08/28/2021 10:39 PM

he grabbed around on the blanket, not fighting the tears. his eyes looked like he wasn't all there at the moment.

"..d...don't........go......" he muttered weakly.

orange-plane-boy — 08/28/2021 10:40 PM

He bited his lips

"Fugo, you need meds..." he murmured

"But...I can stay here another bit ok?"

purplecraze — 08/28/2021 10:41 PM

"d...don.....m......me........n.nn......." he closed his eyes, losing strength and conscious.

orange-plane-boy — 08/28/2021 10:43 PM

He glupped at the familiar scenery and he really wanted to hold him a bit, but knew he colunt

"Il will be back soon i promise!"

He grabbed his bag, coat and gloves, before running out the house as fast he could

purplecraze — 08/28/2021 10:46 PM

the snow was still holding off, but it was pretty cold and looked like the sun would set in another hour or so.

orange-plane-boy — 08/28/2021 10:49 PM

Narancia ran as fast he could, stopping only to catch breath and then ran again; for once he was glad for all the time he had to ran for his life.

He quickly got to a pharmacy, almost scaring the poor clerk when he slammed a fist of coins on the counter and got a box of meds

"Thanks!" He yelled before running back again

purplecraze — 08/28/2021 10:53 PM

the sun was already gone, no matter how fast he ran. and the way back would be more difficult, since the villa was hard to find.

orange-plane-boy — 08/28/2021 10:54 PM

"Fuck!"

Oh Oh idea!

He got in front of some shabby house, almost punching the door from knocking

"MAGGIO! OI MAGGIO! FORMAGGIO I NEED TO BORROW YOUR HORSE!"

purplecraze — 08/28/2021 10:56 PM

"Woah, geez! where's the fire??" the mid 20er looked kind of baffled as he was just counting the profit he had made that day. "What's all the hurry for?"

orange-plane-boy — 08/28/2021 10:58 PM

"None of your buisness, im gonna bring it back tomorrow!" He said and looked inside his bag

"Look im gonna pay you if you dont be a bitch about it; im in a hurry"

purplecraze — 08/28/2021 10:59 PM

Formaggio wasn't the brightest. But when money was involved, he was a sly fox.

"I don't know man, I really need it in the early morning. It's going to cost me profit if I got to wait for it." he didn't seem to be in a lot of hurry, pressuring the poor boy into emptying his pockets.

orange-plane-boy — 08/28/2021 11:00 PM

He bit his lip

"Dude cmon its an emergency! And i know that you could buy 5 of horses with the money you did! "

purplecraze — 08/28/2021 11:02 PM

"Hey now, you obviously don't know how investment works!" nor that that's really not related right now.

"If I leave any later, I'll need to keep my shop closed, you know how much money I'd be losing?"

orange-plane-boy — 08/28/2021 11:02 PM

"Look just tell me how much you want and dont circle around it!"

purplecraze — 08/28/2021 11:03 PM

"How much you got on you~?" absolute bastard.

orange-plane-boy — 08/28/2021 11:03 PM

He rolled his eyes and gived him a bunch of the siver he didnt sold

"Here, now give me the horse"

purplecraze — 08/28/2021 11:05 PM

"Shit! Woah-" that was way more than he had assumed to bargain for. "Where the hell do you keep getting this stuff??"

orange-plane-boy — 08/28/2021 11:05 PM

"None of your buisness! You dont tell me your spots!" He said walking toward the horse

purplecraze — 08/28/2021 11:06 PM

"Fine, fine. Little Feet's in the back. Still got the cart attached to him, though. I'll get him loose." he walked along.

orange-plane-boy — 08/28/2021 11:09 PM

"Thanks man; gonna bring it back tomorrow i swear!"

He hopped on the horse

"Hey little! I need you to go fast ok?"

He murmured before leaving the back of the house

purplecraze — 08/28/2021 11:14 PM

Little Feet was a little more cooperative than it's owner, taking him back into the forest. But even on a horse, it's still not easy to find the way back.... and you hear another howl from wolves.

orange-plane-boy — 08/28/2021 11:17 PM

He squinted his eyes, trying to see any animals or fog in the distance.

He wondered if Panna was too weak to move even in his monster form; or if again he was outside like a moron in the snow, maybe he picked a bird as a familiar because he turned into a fucking birdbrain when it was dark

purplecraze — 08/28/2021 11:18 PM

oh yes, there were definitely animals. but not dead ones.

A pair of glowing eyes were watching him. and another. and 3 more pairs.

orange-plane-boy — 08/28/2021 11:21 PM

He stopped the horse and freezed.

Fuck.

Mauled by hungry wolves was not the best way to go, maybe better than dying in prison of starving, but he wished for something less painful.

The horse was getting nervous too, making 'tramped to death by a scared horse' another option

purplecraze — 08/28/2021 11:25 PM

honestly, maybe getting touched by a mysterious boy in a large magical castle in the woods wasn't all that bad a way to go?

The wolves slowly closed in, surrounding the horse and nipping at it's hooves.

orange-plane-boy — 08/28/2021 11:31 PM

The horse ramped, knocking Narancia down and ran away

"Motherfucker! An ass like your owner!"

purplecraze — 08/28/2021 11:31 PM

small nara vs 5 wolves

FITE!

orange-plane-boy — 08/28/2021 11:32 PM

Ok maybe if he climbed a tree--

He looked at the closer tree he could climb, hoping to be faster than the wolves as he sprinted

purplecraze — 08/28/2021 11:33 PM

he outran the wolves after a while, because they seemed to be distracted by something else.

Now there were just 4.

orange-plane-boy — 08/28/2021 11:34 PM

He finally reached the tree, as he tried to climb it, scratching himself a bit with the branches

purplecraze — 08/28/2021 11:38 PM

there were still 5 creatures below. But one of them was clearly different from the wolves.

It took hold of one of them, and even before the virus could spread, it had split its head apart by ripping its jaw.

Another one received a kick and was dead by the poisoning touch within seconds. the 2 remaining stepped back cautiously before running for their lives.

What remained was a panting and gritting monster swaying about in the snow that was slowly falling heavier.

orange-plane-boy — 08/28/2021 11:41 PM

Was it Fugo?

It was Fugo!

...shit it was Fugo.

As much he was glad he saved his life he really hoped he didnt knew how to climb a tree

purplecraze — 08/28/2021 11:41 PM

well, maybe he did. but right now, he just knew how to drop to the ground.

orange-plane-boy — 08/28/2021 11:42 PM

"...Umh, thanks?? But now go back to bed! I dont care if you are a plague touch monster, you still got a fever!"

purplecraze — 08/28/2021 11:43 PM

yes. bed is here. good night

orange-plane-boy — 08/28/2021 11:46 PM

"Idiot-"

He climbed down the tree and checked him.

He was wearing gloves...maybe...

He glupped.

He touched him with his pinky finger, holding a knife with his other hand, in case he needed to cut some skin off if the infection worked over clothes

purplecraze — 08/28/2021 11:48 PM

it didn't feel like he was slowly dying, but it most definitely stung on his finger.

orange-plane-boy — 08/28/2021 11:49 PM

Ouchy- he took the hand away

But he needed to take fugo home!

If only that stupid horse didnt ran away!

purplecraze — 08/28/2021 11:50 PM

there's large sticks. snow. his cloths fit pretty loose, so maybe you could hold that. dumb horse might still be around?

orange-plane-boy — 08/28/2021 11:53 PM

Got it, carring him like a fucking sack of potatos

"Sorry dude.." he murmured, warping him in his own jacket too, to keep him at least a bit warm

"Please dont wake up now-" he murmured

After some awkard dragging he indeed found the horse and layed down the boy in the cart behing

"Lets go little feet-" he sighed, looking for the villa

purplecraze — 08/28/2021 11:54 PM

it?? works?? somehow??

he finds the villa back after another 30 minutes or so.

#purplecraze #orange plane boy #fugo replies #beauty and the beast AU

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modern-vellichor · 4 years ago

Text

Withdrawal

Chapter One

Summary: Shes broken and bruised, and so are they. But at least she can't remember when shes sad; but god can they.

Warning: Substance abuse, alcohol, cigarettes, smoking, implied smut, self deprecation, self hate, destructive behaviour

Pairing: Steve x reader

"Trust me, Rogers", Tony sighs into Steve's ear as they push and shove through the crowd of stone-drunks and druggies.

"If you're finding her in a place like this, I don't think we should trust her", Steve states back.

Purple and blue light dances around them, and so do the nearly naked bodies of the 20-somethings surrounding them. The air reeked of sweat and cheap vodka, crushed pills and fine white powder dusted almost every surface, and smoke wafted all around them.

They really needed help. Something was coming, and they couldn't figure out how to stop it. Every day was the same: wake up, new theory, failed theory, repeat. Tony got so fed up that he decided to finally call on an old friend for help, except she didn't answer. She never called him back, or answered his texts, or his emails. And so he hunted her down, and now they were pushing their way through a sweaty and drugged up crowd of young adults in a sketchy bar.

Then they reached it, a doorway covered with a thin mesh curtain. A group of people, younger, all in their early twenties. A girl who was very clearly in charge sat in the middle of all of them, one hand gripped a cigarette loosely, it looked at home between her fingers, the other was latched around the back of a petite boys neck, small and blonde and so desperate to please her - to please you.

Your skin has a grey tinge to it, gaunt and daunting. Your eyes were dull and hazy, dark circles prominent. You looked ill, but you grinned nonetheless.

You brought the cigarette to your lips, inhaling with a small grin, unaware of the three men towering in the doorway, Bucky had joined them on the mission. They watched as the blonde boy passed a violently green pill to you, and you opened your mouth for him, sticking your tongue out, and playfully biting his finger before you swallowed the drug whole.

Tony coughed. He looked at home, and Bucky showed no emotion, but Steve was wildly uncomfortable, and apparently it showed.

You downed the last of the amber liquid in a glass on the small table, before gently shoving your boytoy away and standing up. You swayed for a moment before steadying and making your way to the group.

"You shouldn't have brought blondie over here, Stark. This isn't his scene, look at him", you scolded softly, the corners of Steve's mouth lifted slightly. You turned to him before speaking again, hazy eyes meeting his. "Let's go somewhere a little more quiet, yeah?"

The group nodded and you lead them through the crowd until you descended a staircase and made your way into a sleek looking room, and silence settled comfortably over the group. You discarded your cigarette along the way and so you made yourself comfortable on the leather chair behind the desk and lit another.

The three men got comfortable on a little leather couch. Tony sighed.

"How bad is it gonna be tomorrow?", he asked softly.

"Real bad", you chuckled dryly.

Steve wasn't so sure what Tony meant, but he was almost sure that he was talking about the aftermath of whatever you had taken. Bucky still stayed emotionless.

"How much have you had?", Tony asked again.

"Enough that if I have any more I think I might just die", again you laughed, you had an air of clear nonchalance about the whole situation. You seemed completely aware of everything, yet your pupils were dilating rapidly, and you were slurring your words, and swaying when you stood.

"So, Tony and the Golden Boys", you chided. "What do you want?"

"We need your help", Steve pleaded. You looked as if you would have argued relentlessly if Tony had asked the same, but your hazy eyes met his baby blues and you smiled.

"Tomorrow", you said, and Tony nodded.

"C'mon, Y/N, let's get you home, yeah?", you stamped out the cigarette and nodded, gladly falling into Steve's arms. The men carried you out of the bar and into the car they had come in, and took you back to the compound. Steve had let you stay in his room, tucking you into bed and sitting awake on the uncomfortable plastic desk chair he never used, just in case something happened in the night and he slept through it.

It was three in the morning when she began to shake lightly and broke out into cold sweats. Steve got a little nervous, but simply sat himself against the headboard and left you alone. After a half hour, you were shaking uncontrollably and drenched in sweat. Steve was trying desperately to calm you down, he had a cold face cloth over your forehead, and was running a hand through your hair and cooing softly. And when that didnt work, he scooped you into his arms and ran until he found Tony. The panic only really set in when Tony couldnt stop it either. Tony feigned calmness and dialed an unfamiliar number into his phone. Steve narrowed his eyes when the blonde boy from earlier waltzed in.

He surveyed the scene with mild interest before pulling a familiar orange bottle out of his pocket, he slipped one into your mouth and you swallowed instinctively. Less than twenty minutes passed before you had fallen back into a peaceful sleep.

"What's your name, kid?", Steve grunted as the boy turned to leave.

"Luca. Oh, by the way", he turned and threw the bottle at Steve. "These are for when she gets antsy"

"How do I know when to give her one?"

"Oh, you'll know", and with that he was gone.

When Steve woke the next morning, you and Tony had already started working in the conference room. Papers and Manila folders scattered across the table.

You worked in silence, the three of you together, until you found a lead, and the three of you gathered the necessary people and set off.

You drove in silence, dusk settling over the city. It was well near dark by the time Tony stopped outside of a sketchy looking club.

"You sure this is the place?", he said to you, surveying the building with care. Bucky was in the backseat next to Steve, and he watched you intently, Steve noted this.

You pulled out your phone, double checked something typed into your notes and nodded, getting out of the car.

You took one last look of the building before pulling off your sweater throwing it into the car. You unbuttoned your shirt and tied it up, pulling your sweatpants to your hip bones and smudging your mascara. Then you turned to Bucky with puppy dog eyes; "Bucky, can I borrow your jacket?"

He shrugged the heavy leather off without a second thought, throwing it gently around your shoulders.

"Why is it so important for you to look the part?", Steve asked, he came off more hostile than intended, thrown off by Bucky's gentle actions.

"Because if I look the part", you shook out your hair until it was messy and wild. "You don't have to"

You lit a cigarette and waltzed in like you owned the place, Bucky close behind, Tony and Steve keeping their distance. You were at home in the atmosphere, taking everything and anything offered to you as you pushed through the crowd, until you were shaking your head 'no', and leaning on Bucky for support. But still, you had a clear head and a mission, and made your way to the tall man with dark hair who dominated the back section of the club.

"Duke?", you asked sternly, he towered over you, but you crossed your arms and kept a straight face, Bucky looming behind your shoulder.

"Who's asking?", he shot back.

Steve watched from a distance as the two of you talked and eventually argued, and then followed you out of the club when you turned on your heel and stormed out. He was also the first to join you in your room after you had left for the evening.

He knocked gently, peeking around the corner and shuffling in. He sat at the edge of your bed, and when you patted the mattress next to you, had gotten comfortable against the headboard. You curled into his side. He hesitantly threw an arm around your shoulders and you only nuzzled further into him. You fell asleep like that, wrapped around each other.

Over the coming weeks you became dependant on him, and he worried about you. He worried when you came home drunk out of your mind or stoned to the edge of oblivion, but you always sobered up. It was the late nights that scared him, when you had already fallen asleep and begun to shake, and the only thing that seemed to stop it was the little green pills that he kept on him at all times.

He had been taught from the very beginning that addicts needed help, so slowly but surely he reduces your dose, crushing the pill and only giving you fractions of it. Until it was half, and you still seemed to be fine.

The weeks went on and your work piled up. You hardly ever left your desk, you and Tony working side by side, day through night. Steve spent his nights cold and alone and longing for you back in his bed. With your nights spent huddled up under dim lamp light, you hardly had any time to go out. You stole a few minutes for a cigarette on the roof every few hours, but that was all. Steve couldn't help but smile knowing how much better you were.

You looked constantly tired, but your smile was brighter and wider. Pictures of you and Tony lined the walls of your cramped little office.

Every few days you disappeared, saying your were checking up on your cramped little apartment. You always came back with a fresher air about you, happy and doe eyed. Steve longed to be invited on your little day trips to whatever life you hid from him. He didnt want to only be your night life, to be the only thing you could depend on when stash grew low. He dropped subtle hints here and there, little suggestions. He wondered if your house was anything like you. If its walls were bright and it was clean, or if it was unorganised and dark, curtains drawn permanently shut.

One day he found out. You couldnt find your car keys and asked Steve for a ride. He was more than eager to help, talking nonstop the short drive there. Your apartment was small, cramped. It was neat. Plants littered every surface, all alive and thriving.

"How are your plants still alive?", he pondered aloud.

"Luca waters them for me"

Steve sighed internally. Although Luca hardly ever came up in conversation, his existence plagued Steve. He couldnt get the image of how eager he was to please you, of how you held so much power over him. He didnt dare to imagine what the two of you had done previous to your introduction. He was lost in his self destructive train of thought the entire visit. When you grabbed his bicep and gave a reassuring squeeze, he was pulled back to reality and you returned to the compound.

You slipped into his room that evening. He could smell the hint of old whiskey and smoke on your breath, but he didnt mind. He drank you up, swallowing you whole. He crowded you into the mattress until you sang a song that was only for him. He was sweet and soft, but so distant once it ended. You could never forget, thighs rubbed raw from the scratch of his beard, lungs aching from lack of breath. But he simply rolled over and fell asleep. Some evenings, he would hold you close and tight and never let go, keep you tight there. Most, though, you had to curl against the broad expanse of your back and hope for some attention in return. And it never came on nights like this, but you tried anyway.

You were gone in the morning, as per usual, but he couldnt find you elsewhere. Not could he find Tony or Bucky, and that's when he realised that they had left without him.

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horansqueen · 4 years ago

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You & Me : chapter 50

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

Sequel to AM CONVERSATIONS

(FINAL CHAPTER)

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23 || CHAPTER 24 || CHAPTER 25 || CHAPTER 26 || CHAPTER 27 || CHAPTER 28 || CHAPTER 29 || CHAPTER 30 || CHAPTER 31 || CHAPTER 32 || CHAPTER 33 || CHAPTER 34 || CHAPTER 35 || CHAPTER 36 || CHAPTER 37 || CHAPTER 38 || CHAPTER 39 || CHAPTER 40 || CHAPTER 41 || CHAPTER 42 || CHAPTER 43 || CHAPTER 44 || CHAPTER 45 || CHAPTER 46 || CHAPTER 47 || CHAPTER 48 || CHAPTER 49

THANK YOU’S

I can't explain how much AM Conversations and YOU&ME has meant to me. This was a story I started just for fun after I realized how much I loved Niall. After only a few chapters, i almost let it die. It took me 4 years to decide to continue it again, despite knowing back then that no one cared or was interested to read. I don't know how I got lucky enough that you guys actually gave this story a chance. And I can't thank you enough for trusting me. I hope I entertained you through the past year and a half, and I really hope I made you go through a bunch of emotions, good and bad. I don't think all of you realize how happy you made me feel with the likes, the reblogs, the comments, the feedback and the ideas you sent me. It made me want to write more, it made me want to continue this story and actually finish it.

And here I am. It's the very first time I actually finish a story. two books. 105 chapters. Over 440k words. I can't pretend I'm not proud of this. This story will always be my baby, my favorite. And all of you who took time in your busy days to read and comment it mean more to me than I can ever explain.

I love you guys. I love you so much. I can't seem to express how grateful I am.

Julie ( @paynesqueen ): thank you for brainstorming with me almost every week. thank you for all your ideas, and all the help you gave me through the year I wrote these books. even when in quarantine, we'd talk for hours on the phone and you'd be there to help me. thank you for your big heart, thank you for being an incredible friend that I can always count on, thank you for listening to all my sad shit and feelings even if i know I rarely share because i feel stupid. thank you so so so so much! you're one of my best friends, and im so glad i have you in my life!

Isa ( @sushiniall ): you are such a beautiful persons. idk if we would have started talking if it wasnt from this story. i like to think that we would, but i can never be sure. thank you for always commenting, sending ideas, liking and reblogging. As a writer, it blows up my heart that someone would be so kind, and as a friend, it makes me want to cry. you're amazing, youre incredible, and you were always always there to cheer me up and tell me that I had talent, It made me keep going and I can never thank you enough for that. I love you. I really really do.

Laila ( @liallerr ) : what can i say? you've always been there for me, to make me feel better and to tell me how much you loved my writing. thank you for being such an incredible person. and thank you for being so patient with me whenever i'd message you (even if it wasnt about this story). thank you for never judging me, and for your beautiful friendship. I really hope I bring to you as much joy as you bring in my life. im so happy we met, im so glad we started talking. i love you so so much, youre like a little sister to me. thank you for always commenting and reading my story. thank you for being you, because i cant think of a better quality in someone. thank you.

@ewhkylie: you were always one of the first to comments every single chapter. how can i not thank you for being so loyal and giving my story a chance. i saw all the efforts you made into commenting. and every single time, it made me smile. youre amazing, thank you so much!

@llainnaroh: thank you so much! your tags always made me smile! thank you!

@bamb11: thank you for always caring and reading!!! youre amazing!

@behind-my-hazeleyes27: i saw you reblog with tags or comments every time... thank you so much!

special thanks to you guys who reblogged, commented, or messaged me so often! thank you! i noticed every time!

thanks to you guys! @beachsecrets @wasteddarlinglover @torismusing @sunsetter96 @bunbun9396 @missy14us @mannien @cybermugneckpsychic @mariamorris913 @sunshine-sma @mypugsley @loulouloueh @awomanindeniall @tylkotroche

and many many more! (im so sorry if i forgot you!)

thank you to all of you who liked and reblogged my chapters. thank you to those who recommended my stories to their friends or on your blog. thank you to the person(s) who nominated me for the 1d craft awards. thank you so much, you're all amazing!

thank you so so much to all of you who sent me anons about my chapters or the story as a whole. thank you for taking the time to do that. i love every single one of you even if i don't know who you are. just know that waking up with comments and feedback from you in my inbox made me smile every single time!

thank you to every single one of you who ever sent an idea or a request, even if i may not have used them. please know that it's not because your ideas weren't great, but just because it didnt fit in the story. (i received almost 300 requests/ideas for the 2 stories!)

thank you to the 41 persons who asked to be notified when this story was updated. I never thought it would be that many, and every single time i send you guys the link im amazed by how many of you actually care! thank you!

thank you to all of you, the silent readers. those who never messaged me, sent me comments or requests... i don't know who you are, but I know there are some of you out there. i hope at some point you get less shy and send me a comment or two!

i'm extremely thankful for all the love i received, and i'll never forget this. thank you everyone for following me in this crazy adventure. i love you all.

Olivia 💗

Chapter 50 (final chapter)

OLIVIA

I felt Niall's lips brush the skin of my neck and my lips curled. He wrapped his arms around my waist and I chuckled low, tilting my head to allow him to kiss me more. We had been back from our trip to Vegas for about a week, and had intentionally and very carefully ignored the messages and calls we had gotten. All we did was send an invitation for a party to everyone we knew, including our parents, along with plane tickets. We had taken hotel reservations for them and made sure their stay would be perfect. Everything was ready, everything was planned, and all the persons we loved the most in the world were going to be present. I was extremely stressed and as usual, Niall was totally relax about it. I had no idea how he did it, but the fact that he was so calm and laid-back helped me relax, too.

"This is amazing." he let out, pecking my skin more. "Everyone that really matters will be there."

"I hate talking in front of people, you know that." I whined, raising my nose up in a grimace.

"But everyone who'll be there actually loves you, petal." he argued, running his hands gently and slowly up my arms. "I love you the most and I'll be standing right next to you."

"How do you think they're react?"

"Mm, our moms will cry, our dads will laugh, our friends will scream and Louis will curse."

I let out a louder laughter, making Niall chuckle against my neck.

"You told him, didn't you?"

"I showed him the ring but I didn't tell him when I was going to ask you, or that we would just fly to Vegas to get married." he shrugged. "I just left him there and ran to you."

I smiled fondly and turned around in his arms to face him, tilting my chin and licking my lips as I stared in his eyes. He was wearing a tie and I gripped it gently, pulling on it. He had convinced me to wear a dress even if I knew I'd feel uncomfortable the whole evening but I knew I couldn't just wear sweatpants to this event, even if I desperately wanted to.

"How's my make up?" I finally asked, raising my eyebrows, after a few minutes of silence.

"On point." he replied, making me laugh.

"You have no idea what you're talking about, do you?" I asked as he pulled me closer by the waist.

"No idea. None."

I laughed more and he bent down to kiss me gently. "All I know is that you're beautiful. You always are." he whispered, brushing his lips against mine again.

"You're so full of shit, Horan." I breathed back against his mouth, my lips curling slightly.

"I mean it." he insisted very low, his arms slipping around my waist as he pressed my body against his. "You're the most beautiful woman i've ever seen. You shine so much, you glow, my love."

I giggled and he smiled, moving his face slightly away to look at me. My smile faltered a bit and turned into a fond one. I wanted to stay right there, in our living room, as he'd hold me close, but I knew we had somewhere to be.

"My wife."

My eyes fluttered close and my lips curled more. All the papers were signed and the 'I do's were said. We were officially husband and wife and that thought always made my heart jump in my chest. It probably always would.

"Yes?"

"I would love to stay here and make love to you all evening but we should really get going."

I laughed a bit and shook my head, knowing it was exactly what we had been doing for the past weeks but I didn't mention anything. Instead, I tilted my head and just nodded. I was stressed and I was not sure why but after everyone was arrived and had consumed at least one drink, Niall walked up to the small stage and I frowned a bit when I saw him grab his guitar. His eyes found me and he made a quick head movement, telling me to join him.

"Go!" Louis told me, pushing me gently but I just pressed my lips together and breathed in deeply. "Come on, my queen."

I finally joined Niall and he cleared his throat, placing himself in front of the microphone. That was it, that was the moment I was dreading, and I started feeling nauseous.

"Hello everyone, thank you for coming here tonight." he let out with a smile. "I know you're all here because you think we're getting engaged."

I bit my bottom lip but suddenly, I relaxed. Perhaps, it was the sound of his voice that calmed me down, or maybe the fact that we were surrounded by all the people we loved, or maybe it was just the thought that we were married and that no one could take that away from us. Either way, I moved closer and I smiled while staring at him.

"Uhm, we're not getting engaged. In fact, if you haven’t heard from us at all in the past two weeks, it's because we flew to Vegas and got married there."

The memory of him, standing in front of me as he held my hands and promised to love me forever came back to my mind and I held my breath. Everyone started whispering but coming loud from all the murmurs was the sound of my best friend screaming "FUCK YEA!" from the middle of the room. I let out a laughter as my eyes looked for him and he sent me a 'rock on' sign with his free hand while the other was holding up a glass of wine.

"Thank you, Tommo." my boyfriend let out with a smile and a small head movement. "So you guys are here to celebrate the fact that Olivia and I are husband and wife, legally and emotionally. I waited until you were all at least a bit intoxicated to let out the news but if you're here, it's because we love you, and we wanted to live this with you. We knew you would all be happy for us, because after all, Liv and I, it was meant to be."

His eyes found me and I smiled more, I took a step closer and licked my lips as In gripped the side of my dress nervously. It took only a second for Niall's hand to reach mine and when he squeezed my fingers, I felt better.

"Thank you so much for being here. We're sorry you missed the ceremony, but it was important for us to do it just the two of us. When you find the love of your life, that one person you want to spend all your days with until the very last, then there's no reason to wait. I've always known Niall was my soulmate, but now I know I'm his too, and nothing can change that. I know it's cheesy, but each and every single one of you were with us when we said 'I do'"

Niall chuckled next to me and shook his head slightly. "Here, let me reenact what happened to you." he turned to me and just let out a low 'I do' before grabbing my face and kissing me.

It was not as gentle and emotional as it had been when it really happened, but I still felt my heart jump in my chest. I loved the feeling of his warm palms on my cheeks and the way his fingertips brushed against my jaw and neck. I loved his touch. I heard everyone start cheering and clapping and I laughed through the kiss, feeling his lips curl into a smile too.

When he pulled away, I could swear my eyes were sparkling and when his eyes met mine, he smiled even more. "Okay so I wrote a song for you." he explained when the small crowd of our families and friends became quieter. "I wanted to sing it here, in front of everyone, because I thought it was perfect for today."

I took a step back and when he started singing, I recognized the lyrics. I had read them in his notebook a few months before. It was the song he wrote in the middle of the night and I remembered watching him for so long, his pen running quickly on the paper and his hand moving in his hair from time to time, messing it on the top of his head. I remember reading the lyrics the next day and tearing up when I realized there was my name at the bottom. I remembered everything and I tried to keep the tears in as he sang.

"Yeah, I see us in black and white Crystal clear on a star lit night In all your gorgeous colors I promise that I'll love you for the rest of my life See you standing in your dress Swear in front of all our friends There'll never be another I promise that I'll love you for the rest of my life"

I knew Niall would have preferred a more traditional wedding, and I also knew he gave it up just for me. This small reception was the closest he would get from telling everyone that he promised to love me forever and somehow, with this song, he was doing it very clearly and openly.

"I want the world to witness When we finally say I do It's the way you love I gotta give it back to you I can't promise picket fences Or sunny afternoons But, at night when I close my eyes"

I held my breath, feeling suddenly a bit guilty that he couldn't have his family and friends with him when we got married, but I teared up at how beautiful his lyrics were, even if I already knew that. I breathed in deeply only when the song was over and without thinking, I walked up to him quickly, got on my tiptoes and kissed him.

"I love you so much." I just let out before my lips crashed against his.

Everyone started clapping again but I was not sure if it was for the kiss or the song. Either way, it didn't matter. I just deppened the kiss and he answered it without hesitation. I knew he didn't like PDA, but I couldn't help it and when he pulled me closer, I knew he didn't mind. I felt half of his guitar press on my stomach and laughed a bit.

"I love you too."

NIALL

Everyone was dancing, talking, laughing and drinking. I remained close to my wife the whole time and when I saw our parents talking together, I knew that was the ultimate test. I was pretty sure they would be okay with this but I was still a bit scared of their reaction. I felt Liv hold my hand so tight that I almost took it back. Instead, I squeezed her fingers back and smiled as we walked up to them. Quickly, my mom engulfed me in a hug and all the stress disappeared. I noticed Olivia's parents do the same to her and I hugged my dad before turning to my parents-in-law and hold out my hand to her father. It took a few seconds but his lips finally curled and he shook my hand before pulling on it and hugging me too.

"I am happy for you, son."

"Thank you."

"We're sorry that you couldn't be there with us. I promise we didn't want to hurt you, we just..." Liv started before licking her lips and pressing them together. "We just wanted to do that alone."

Her mom raised her eyebrows and they stared at each other in silence for a while.

"Es-tu heureuse?"

My girlfriend's lips curled and her eyes fluttered a bit. "I've never been happier, maman."

Her mom nodded and after a while, it was my mom's turn to hug her. When they pulled away, Olivia frowned and her lips parted. I couldn't help but think that she looked too pretty for words but I tried to push that thought away when I heard only one word escape her mouth. "How...?" My mom smiled more and chuckled slightly. "I just do."

I was about to ask them what they were talking about but I felt someone slap my back and it took me by surprise. I jumped slightly and groaned low as Louis appeared in front of me.

"Congrats mate, I'm happy for both of you." he said, wrapping his arms around me and hugging me so tight that I lost my breath.

"Thank you." I said as he let go of me to engulf my girlfriend into a tight and more emotional hug.

I stared at them for a few seconds and finally turned to Eleanor who congratulated me too before hugging me. Soon, Liam, Julie and Harry joined us and after hugging everyone, we all started talking and laughing together. I knew everything would go well but at the same time, I was a bit nervous. It was important for me that our friends and family would be okay with the fact that we got married without telling them, and I just wanted them to know it was not against them at all, but mostly just for Liv and I. We had started just the two of us, and it was just the obvious way to do this.

For the rest of the night, I spent my time watching my girlfriend dance, laugh and interact with the people we loved, telling myself that this was the happiest time of my entire life. I watched everyone leave one by one, our parents being the firsts and then our friends. Louis was the last one to leave and we decided to just leave with him.

"You know, you literally made me want to do it too." he let out low, looking at our girlfriends saying their goodbyes and making me frown. "Your speech earlier. It made me realize that maybe I shouldn't wait anymore."

My lips curled and I let out a chuckle. "Go for it." I just let out, knowing perfectly well that their couple was as strong as ours and that they both considered each other their soulmates. "I don't even know why you waited that long."

He didn't send me a glance, he just kept looking at El and after a few minutes, we said good night and left in a different cab. It's only when we walked inside and closed the door behind us that I felt all the stress disappear from my body. It was a good stress, but it was still nice to relax.

Olivia disappeared in the hall and I just sat on the couch, loosening my tie and putting my feet on the coffee table. I closed my eyes and leaned my head on the back of the couch as a bunch of memories came to mine. I had been so close to lose the love of my life forever and by my fault. I had hurt her in a way I had never hurt anyone else in my life and at the same time, I had hurt myself in a way I had never been hut before without realizing it immediately. I couldn't lie and pretend Olivia was not the best thing that has ever happened to me because she was, and I liked to believe I was for her, too. You can call it fate, you can call it destiny, you can call it 'soulmates' but in the end, it was just an other love story for most people. For me, however, it was epic and the accomplishment of a lifetime.

After everything we've been through, every wrong decisions, every mistake and every problem, we still managed to reach this point of happiness together. Olivia has always told me that love was not all you need, despite the popular song, and I knew she was right. But it was because of the love we have for each other that we actually tried over and over again. It was because of this love that we actually ended up together, because we were ready to make the effort, and because we believed in the feelings we had. I knew I would never truly be happy without her and now that we were together, I planned to do everything possible and impossible to keep her in my life.

My girlfriend came back and put something next to the couch, which I guessed was her purse. I was not surprised to see she had changed into a pair of my sweatpants and a shirt that also belonged to me but looked so much better on her. It stuck to her chest and hips in a way it didn't to me and I loved it more than I should.

"I would have loved to take that dress off of you myself." I admitted with a smirk, making her raise her nose up as she sent me a smile. "But hey, I'm not surprised."

She moved closer and gripped my tie, pulling on it gently and making me laugh right before her lips reached mine. I was a bit tipsy and mixed with my happiness, it made me sound totally drunk, but she knew me well enough to know I was just ecstatic from the night we just had had.

"You can take my sweatpants and t-shirt off later, if you want." she proposed before I nodded. "I'm not wearing anything under, if it changes anything."

I chuckled and she kissed my lips again as one of my hands reached for her waist. "Come on, sit on me, will you?"

I watched her hesitate and bite her bottom lip gently before actually straddling me. I moved my chin up, endeared by her behavior, and my hands reached for her thighs. I let my palms rub slowly on the fabric of her pants and stared at her as she licked her lips.

"Thank you for the song." she whispered, a shy smile gracing her lips as she looked away. "Honestly, I had read the lyrics before. I know I shouldn't have but it was sort of an accident."

I raised my eyebrows and smiled back at her. "You're so nosy I swear," I joked. "No one told you not to touch other people's stuff?"

"I'm sorry! I know I shouldn't have. Forgive me?" she asked with a cute grimace, making me roll my eyes with a smile.

"Of course." I just let out, moving my head slightly. "I almost sang you 'This Town' instead." I paused and she frowned. "I know I wrote it when we first dated, and I told you it was partially about you, and partially fiction... but when you were with Dylan and we met again, It hit me how it had completely turned out to be what I was actually going through. And the lyrics are still true, you know? Everything comes back to you."

Her eyes fluttered and a fond smile spread on her lips. She brought her hands to my cheeks and let her thumbs brush on my stubble. I wanted to keep telling her how much I loved her but quickly, she pressed her mouth against mine and my hands gripped her thighs at how good she tasted. I don't know how long we stayed close, her forehead leaning against mine while we both kept out eyes closed, but I focused on her weight on my lap and the aroma of honey and vanilla invading my nose. I could have stayed like that all night.

"Told you our parents would be happy." I let out after a while, making her sit back up to look at me.

"Mm, and your brother?" she asked, raising her eyebrows.

"He sent a text message to say congrats earlier." I explained as my hands kept running on her thighs. "You know we're gonna have to entertain our parents for a few days. That means we can't spend our days locked her to fuck anymore."

She laughed a bit and tilted her head. "I think we can take a few days break."

I frowned but shook my head, wrapping my arms around her waist and pulling her closer. "That's not what I meant, we can still have sex when we come back home, and if you're too exhausted I can do all the to work."

"I suspect you actually enjoy that." she laughed, making me smile more.

"Mm, maybe I do."

I pulled her closer and when her lips brushed against mine, I heard her whimper low. I slowly deepened the kiss just to taste her and she let me, moving as close to me as she could. I felt her ass rub on my thighs and groaned when it reached my cock.

"Maybe we should go to our room now, what d'you say?" I proposed in a whisper before kissing her more.

"Not yet." she murmured back, grabbing my upper lip between hers and sucking on it.

I felt myself get hornier and groaned low as I grabbed her waist and turned us around, laying her down on the couch. She let out a little scream and I quickly moved over her, smiling big.

"Fine then, we'll do it here."

We kissed a bit roughly and deeply for a while but when my hand slipped under her shirt, she quickly stopped me. "Niall wait, I have something for you first."

I frowned but even if I was curious, I definitely thought it could wait. Seeing her face though made me back away slightly and after a few seconds, I sat up and she did the same, pulling on her shirt to put it back in place.

Without a word, she reached for what she had put next to the couch and held me a white gift bag. I stared at it for a while and finally turned to her, a bit suspiciously.

"Did I miss something? An anniversary or something else that was important?"

She chuckled and shook her head, but I noticed how she was nervously playing with the fabric of her pants. "No, don't worry. I just wanted to give you a little something."

We just looked at each other for a while and I let my eyes roam on her face before finally take the colored tissues off the bag and dive my hand in it. I grabbed something and took it out but it took a few seconds for my brain to process everything. It was a piece of fabric, almost the same white as the bag but a bit lighter, and when I turned it around, I understood. On the front was written "my daddy is a rockstar" and somehow, I felt my heart jump so high in my chest I had to swallow it back.

"Petal." I whispered before turning to look at her. "Are you pregnant?"

Slowly, she nodded, her eyes never leaving mine, and I felt my heart jump for a second time. I blinked a few times, feeling tears coming to my eyes as a bunch of emotions flooded me. My eyes roamed on her and ended on her belly who looked exactly like it always did but when I looked up, I held my breath, realizing something.

"My mom knows."

She nodded slowly again. "She... she guessed it. I don't know how she knew, but she congratulated me earlier, at the party."

"You... you didn't drink?"

"Not a drip. I had soda." she explained, tilting her head and pressing her lips together. "I thought you had noticed."

I didn't answer, I just blinked again a few times before looking back at the small pajama I was holding. It seemed surreal and despite what I thought I would feel if it happened, I felt overly emotional but in a good way.

"I'm really gonna be a dad?" I asked, raising my eyebrows and finally turning to my girlfriend who just nodded. I chuckled a bit, and then some more. "Fookin' hell."

"Are you happy?"

Her question was legit since we had had a pregnancy scare a few months earlier, but it seemed like so many things had happened in such a short period of time and now that my tour was over, I felt like it was a good time to jump into this.

"Honestly, Olivia..." I turned on the couch to face her and noticed she was holding her breath and tearing up. I moved closer and her eyes fluttered. I watched one single tear fall from her left one and cupped her face, brushing my thumb on her cheekbone to catch the tear. "I thought marrying you and finally being with you was the highest moments of my life. I honestly never thought I could be even happier than I already was. But you just made me the happiest man in the whole fookin' world, pet."

She let out a loud sigh of relief and I brought my lips against hers. "I love you so much, Olivia. I can't wait for that future with you. You and Me. This is just the beginning."

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ronnytherandom · 4 years ago

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I forgot to watch content all week so i wrote about games ive been playing

9/2/2021: The Truman Show

You should fear your fears but embrace them and use them to guide you into the unknown, to explore and experience what life has to offer. Fear stands between you and the fullest experience of life so you must pass through it to better yourself. Heed not the walls built about you and the chains made to hold you. Though the architects insist it will preserve your life, containment is anathema to life. Do not take in faith the benevolence of powers that be; instead trust those who would support and liberate you, guide you through fear and into life.

As best I can lay it out, I think this is the philosophy of the Truman show but there is so much more to read into it also. There is critique of systems of commodification and celebrity (i.e. capitalism) reducing human beings to a consumable good as well as encouragement to find and pursue your goals despite adversity and even sensibility which is also tied to the illusion of economic responsibility. You can’t put a camera inside a human head, you can never “know” them without being an active and intrinsic part of their life, but also there is need for reciprocation. If one half exists with ulterior motive then the entire relationship is rotten; sincere humanity is what creates real connections. Without such your world is fake. A world built around one person is a world where no one can truly live. All these actors have given up basically their entire lives for the sake of watching Truman have his life built around him by outside forces, have allowed themselves to be commodified and dehumanised for the good of one man, Christoph. The man at the top has delusions of grandeur and thinks only of his own bottom line, he cares not for his subjects but simply wants them to do as he tells them because it benefits him to commodify their lives and interactions. Even then he cannot stand to lose control and in seeking to demonstrate Truman’s “realness” he structures his life so thoroughly that eventually there’s no reality left, only a script and adverts. But the people watching still empathise with Truman because everyone in the working class understands what it is to be trapped because real life is our own Truman show and one day we must all pass through fear, step out of the dome and create a real life for ourselves outside of the system of commodification which consumes everyone’s life and removes all realness and sincerity and emotional catharsis from it.

I unreservedly love this film.

14/2/2021: Assorted Game Reviews

Horizon Zero Dawn (Unfinished due to technical issues, 45 hours inc. parts of Frozen Wilds): This game is really cool and really fun. I think it is defined by its incredible setting which somehow creates a fresh feeling post-apocalyptic environment. Said environment creates intriguing alt-future lore and some very interesting environments to explore. I love the machine designs (especially tallnecks!) and was very sad to hear one of their contributing artists passed away recently but I’m glad their work lives on in this visually stunning game. I’m a sucker for Ubisoft-style open world games simply because it tickles a certain kind of itch and somehow this non-Ubisoft game has outdone Ubisoft on their own formula, which is hilarious, but also good for me as running around this world exploring and clearing map markers is engaging fun. Not least because of the combat. I have a minor criticism here that the combat feels slightly awkward on mouse and keyboard, the arrows never seem to go where I’m aiming, but aside from that the experience of fighting is a grand one. Enemies never lose their threat and I love the weak spot system the game employs which makes every tool useful in niche circumstance and rewards curiosity. It specifically manages this in a way that I feel the Witcher series could learn from if it ever returns; by making head on assault less viable and encouraging tactical hunting. I do feel this system makes hunting robots so fun that by contrast hunting humans becomes a chore however, though I noted this improves in the dlc with the addition of humans with elemental weaknesses limited in number as they are. I cannot speak for the story in entirety but what I encountered was pretty good, though I feel as if it was only just really getting going at the point where I could not continue. I find Aloy to be a compelling and well portrayed protagonist and though I can guess about her origin and the ultimate end of the alt-future apocalypse I still want to see how it plays out on screen, so will return to this as soon as I’ve fixed it.

Rimworld (122 hours. Familiar with but do not own Royalty Expansion):

Rimworld is one of those super special games that I don’t think I have a single problem with. Fair warning it can be brutal and is heavily dependent on RNG but this allows it to create truly unique and interesting scenarios on a constant basis. In the wider perspective it could be described as formulaic, with regular cycles of managing the settlement between raids and random events, but the devils in the details. Colonist traits, health and skills dictate how you play and sometimes you’ll be forced to adapt as some colonists simply refuse to perform some tasks. The depth of health particularly amuses me, in that each little part of someone’s body is modelled in a way. If you’re in a firefight you may take a single bullet which grazes your finger and you’re fine. Alternately it could pierce your human leather cowboy hat, your skull and kill you instantly and the game will tell you exactly what happened. The risk/reward element is addictive enough, and that’s without accounting for just how cool it is to see your colony slowly expand. Establishing more and more options for crafting is fun and shows off the full range of different items in the game which is fucking extensive. Between clothing, weapons, armour, sculpture and drugs to name only a few you have the opportunity to create many varied production lines either for your colonists or to trade for money and there is a lot of fun to be had here as well as it is quite satisfying to see psychoid you have grown personally become the cocaine your colonists snort to help them stay awake on limited sleep. From an archaeologist’s perspective it is especially cool to look back over your base and see the hints of how and why structures were built and remember the history of your limitations and development through structure. I think the lore of the universe is really cool too, a very 40k-esque kind of place except with far less order, somehow. But the universe does an excellent job of feeling alive and moving constantly on both a planetary and interstellar level. You can fully believe that while you build wooden shacks to shield yourself from terrifyingly low temperatures there are simultaneously rich pieces of shit living it up on the glitterworld that’s one system over. The music does an excellent job of creating the wild west frontier atmosphere the game cultivates to great effect. Ultimately, for just being a grid with a series of different numbers attached, this game does a fantastic job of creating a compelling, brutal and very real colony management experience. I dont think I can properly put into words the grandness and scope of this one. I didnt even mention the modding scene, which is expansive and tailors to basically any need you could have. The Rim is a terrifying place but theres so much fun to be had.

Factorio (86 hours, mostly 1.1): Having completed a game of Factorio I can tell you reliably that this is one of the best games ever made, thoroughly addictive and fun. If you like numbers, logistics, TRAINS, its gonna be your thing. Not to mention its probably the only documented case of a game with no bugs (so far as official forums are concerned). Strictly speaking this games combat is not the most engrossing thing but good lord do you feel it when you acquire a flamethrower. The way each aspect of the game (production, research, logistics, combat, upgrades for everything therein) feeds into the next is a really well constructed balancing act such that you must experience the full game in order to complete it and I always appreciate this kind of design. I think its one of the best tenets of factory game design especially as its something present in Satisfactory too. Beyond all of this generalised good the game is also excellent in its intricacies, the architecture necessary to build a maximum efficiency base, the level of planning and organisation that can be employed is mind-blowing. Not to mention the mod community, factorion is already an extensive experience and some mad bastards have seen fit to complicate it further, hats off to them. This really is a great moment in gaming.

Destiny 2 (198 hours, all expansions, played some post Forsaken release, mostly Season of Arrivals onwards, spent roughly £20 on microtransactions):

This is a very interesting and enjoyable experience, but I must say it can be a bit controversial at times. What its does particularly well is moment to moment gameplay and design in all aspects. The game is stunning; between environments, cosmetics, shaders ships and ghosts there’s a vast range of incredible things to see, all rooted in the “pseudo-magi-science” aesthetic it’s got going on. The class design is excellent and you really do feel like you embody this rampaging madman / agile gunman / space wizard archetype, whichever you choose to play. The abilities, especially supers, are very satisfying. Everything has heft and power behind it which can be felt in all aspects of design; sound and animation is top notch. Movement is cool, you can feel how fast you move both on foot and in vehicles and the navigation has a little fun subtlety depending on your class jump, even if you can bounce unpredictably occasionally. But for the love of god why is the wall kick in there? It has only ever served to push me from a ledge into a bottomless pit. You're looking to remove antiquated content? Start there. Some guns are not so good to shoot but there’s such a great range of guns that are fun its like complaining about one drop in an ocean; and enemies are fun to shoot at, each faction distinct in meaningful ways and presenting an effective challenge. Speaking of oceans, that’s one way to describe the lore. I haven’t dived too deep but it keeps going down forever and everything I’ve read is intriguing. As a former Elder Scrolls lore nut this is something I could definitely sink my teeth into, though its much more of a pulpy sci-fi vibe than a pure nonsense vibe. I do think the game has a bit of a loot problem, primarily in regards to the conflict between high stats and looking good. This should never be a conflict, and yes you can apply ornaments to any purple gear but that’s not enough when I spend the entire time grinding power levels and thus must change armour and weapons on a constant basis to progress. This game needs a true transmog system and if not that, rethink how gear power level works. Perhaps rather than earning new instances of gear you always possess a version of it and the loot you acquire in missions just upgrades your instance to your current overall power level? This would serve to do away with the current upgrade system which I think is a needless additional grind. Perhaps it could be retained in using enhancement cores to empower gear as present but necessitating a whole upgrade module to keep your favourite weapon on hand is kind of painful honestly. There is also at present the issue of sunsetting gear, mildly controversial to say the least. If it’s necessary to streamline the game and make it function moving forward so be it but surely loot pools should be adjusted so you can actually get useful loot from older locations? And why sunset personal instances of gear which can be acquired at the regular power level anyway? I had to throw away my favourite bow and hunt down a new version of the exact same weapon for… what reason? I do think destination navigation leaves a little to be desired also. I get that having a physical hub world is meaningful but Destiny does not have a very extroverted community; I can count the times someone noticed me in the tower on one hand. And its not even like there’s fun activities to be found in the same sense as say Deep Rock Galactic, which really does take advantage of its hub. Perhaps for players who simply want to go about their business all of the vendors could be set into a menu system where just clicking an icon takes you to their menu from anywhere in the system rather than, per se, having to go through an entire loading screen (Which takes you to orbit and back) to reach a location which serves simply as the front for four menus. These are established player problems. As a dedicated PvE player I can say that this game is immensely fun in combat and growing in power does feel really good. It’s something I recommend getting into, there’s just some very large creases that need ironing which the Bungie should really take the time to address rather than pushing out new in game content every three months.

#the truman show #horizon zero dawn #rimworld #factorio #destiny 2 #d2 #film #movies #video games #i dont know what im doing #hzd #opinion

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uwu-boll · 4 years ago

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Yesterday I consumed nearly 4 grams of mushrooms. Here is what that was like for me:

First, this isnt my first rodeo. I've consumed psychedelics a few times before; I wouldnt call myself necessarily experienced but I have an education background in psychopharmacology and I have a couple of trips under my belt already so I knew what to expect and how it was going to feel going into it. 2 months ago. my girlfriend and I purchased 7 grams of mushrooms to split for our anniversary weekend this past week. We purchased a hotel room - I wanted to avoid doing this at home due to a very stressful living situation - and situated our setting so as to be best prepared to go about our experience. This included water, music, videogames, some snacks, etc. The necessities.

Our day started following a night of several shared margaritas and burgers between us. We went swimming, had coffee and a light breakfast, went to therapy together, and then a healthy midday lunch. Following that, we gathered the supplies for the night and settled in at around 3pm. Starting then, I measured out the dosages for the both of us; 2.75g for her, 3.87g for me (the dosages were more or less arbitrary, but we had a ballpark of what kind of experience we were looking for). She ate hers straight up, while I prepared a 'lemon tek'; powdered shrooms soaked in lemon juice for some time. There is some science behind it, but the idea is to shorten the duration or the experience while making it more intense. This also helps with digestion to prevent nausea, although there will still be some present as your body tries to 'reject' the chemical.

My shrooms sat in lemon juice for 20 mins before I tossed them all in orange juice for me to take big gulps of. Disclaimer - I HATE the taste, smell, texture, EVERYTHING about mushrooms. This... isnt necessarily better, but it's the best way to consume them short of capsules, I've found.

3:25 PM: I start drinking my pulpy orange juice - mushroom cocktail. It tastes like sour orange juice, because of the lemon juice I added, but the thought of the mushrooms in there makes me gag before I even get the concoction in my mouth. I can already tell this is going to be an endeavour. I take one big swig, maybe a fifth of the bottle, and approximately a quarter of the dose. I wait about 5 mins before taking another swig

3:35: one more swig, followed by a dab, hoping that the weed will calm my tummy. It does, but not before I nearly puke coughing up a lung

3:45: I finish the cocktail. This whole time I'm watching my girlfriend - who is approximately 15 minutes ahead of me having already dosed - set up the Nintendo switch and design a character on Tony Hawks Pro Skater, the remastered edition. She finishes, we take a dab, and we start playing. We, for some reason, start with a VS game, first to 500,000 points. I dont know why we thought that was a good idea, but we did. From here on, times are approximate.

Approximately 3:50: We are mindlessly skating in complete silence, absolute fixated in this game. I'm pretty high from the dabs as it is, so I'm spacing out and having trouble coordinating.

Approximately 4:00: I'm focused entirely on how gross my stomach feels having drank the cocktail. My body feels heavy, and it's very difficult to coordinate in the game properly.

Approximately 4:15: We are probably 100,000 points into this game before we both realize how long it's going to take before anyone wins. Were both kinda over it, and clearly struggling with performing and we only know it's going to get worse. As the come up begins, I feel a profound sense of anxiety. Recognizing it as the comeup anxiety, I dismiss it, but it's quickly becoming pretty overwhelming. The lemon tek, in shortening and intensifying the experience, creates very powerful come ups. We stop playing THPS and switch to Super Mario 3D World, which makes me feel better

Approximately 4:30: We get through 2 levels before we stop playing for the night. We decide to cuddle and try to calm each other down. We put on Bo Burnham's 'Inside' to listen to while we come up, which was a great idea because we love him. Really got us talking about our pasts and the meanings behind each of his songs. My body is very heavy, but I feel at absolute peace within it - I'm not biting my nails compulsively or shaking my legs - despite the come up anxiety and the slight nausea. I feel attached to the bed, I didnt want to get up even if I had to. I am absolutely CHEESIN, smiling so hard my cheeks still hurt a day later.

Approximately 4:45: I am staring at the wall, looking at what appears to be a pattern overlaying the texture of the wall. I see the same pattern on the bathroom floor. I'm questioning as to whether or not it's really there. I quickly move to the ceiling - a popcorn ceiling - where I am blown away; the lighting in the room makes the ceiling look both purple and green. My pareidolia is going crazy and I see constantly shifting patterns in the white noise that is the popcorn ceiling. The crazy thing is knowing that there is no pattern to the nonsense I am seeing, but making out patterns regardless. I stare at this for awhile. The ceiling is flowing like water.

The exact order of events henceforth are kind of a blur. We lay in bed for the rest of the night, but the topics of discussion vary from point to point, mostly us complimenting each other and praising each other. At some point, Inside ended, and we listened to Hamilton. However, I hardly remember both the end of Inside nor the entirety of Hamilton, and so it's likely that around d approximately 5 oclock, began the Great Existential Breakdown (TM)

At approximately 5 oclock, I was peaking. Emotions were running high, and, in response to being hungry, I had a breakdown because I hated the fact that I was born into a world dominated by cruelty, inhumanity, and the insatiable drive for profit. I hated that I lived in a world where something as simple as hunger was a problem, and that food - a human right - is commodified. I hated that consumption was obligatory, and that to feed the endless gluttony that is the human need to consume, we exploit both our fellow humans, and the planet. I hated that in that obligatory need to consume, weve facilitated this social climate in which it's okay to pollute our world and exploit the human labor condition so as long as its convenient to the consumer and profitable to the corporation. (Now that I think about it, this may have been spurned by Bo Burnhams 'That Funny Feeling', which I feel like is his most powerful song on the album. ) This quickly evolved into how being born, and forced into a world without your consent where conditions like this exist in the first place is inherently a violent act, and that having children is immoral until we create an environment where those conditions are obsolete. Then to how bullshit it is that I am forced to take care of a meatsuit for the whole of my life, but I have to pay to upkeep all of it as if i had some choice in the matter. This lead to me talking about how I wanted to be a transient observer of the universe, untethered to any physical point in space. Not quite dead, not quite alive - still able to see things happen, but not be able to participate. I then went on to say how I didnt think suicide was the answer to my problems because that doesnt necessarily get rid of the conditions that lead to my despair, but rather creates new problems for my loved ones. I knew that the key was to live in despite of the despair and to continue on in search of my own personal meaning.

This breakdown lasted approximately 3 hours and was very emotional for both of us. We spent a lot of time crying and talking about stuff weve never spoken about before. The comedown was very gentle and helped me feel very cathartic and relaxed. Over the course of the comedown I took several dabs, a few of which brought me back to 'The Wonky Space' (TM). However, this was short lived. My girlfriend sat in the tub naked from the waist down, which quickly turned into a bath, and from there, after my breakdown, we started to relax, watch some Shameless, went downstairs, got some snacks, some drinks, and went to bed.

Before I fell asleep, and once I knew the experience was 100% over, I took some time to reflect and felt very satisfied with what happened. It wasnt at all what I expected the night to be, but I felt like I needed to do that, and experience that kind of existential pain. I felt very relaxed once I got control of my body again, and that peace - the general sense of wellbeing, happiness, lack of anxiety, connectivity to my partner and my fellow man - has persisted well into the next day, and will likely continue for at least the next week. 10/10 would do again.

Would I say I had a bad trip? No. Was it a good one? N...no. but I had a great time, it was fun, and enlightening, and helped me realize where I feel like I am struggling mentally.

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dyke-remy · 4 years ago

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Live And Let Die, part 3

Part 1 part 2 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6

Description: Agent 008 and Agent 009, professional spies for the MI6 with liscense to kill. Partners in both work and love. After an agent goes missing the partners have to once more go out into the field. (It’s a James Bond AU)

You don’t need to know anything about James Bond to be able to read this fic, trust me

Cw: Described assasination

Words: 3832

The sun had just about risen when the agents woke up. It was the morning after the mission and they were laying cuddled up in the hotel bed. Remus had plopped himself on top of Remy and wrapped his arms around them like usual. He said it was to snuggle while they slept but it was really so that he could act as a human shield for them even in sleep.

"g'mornin my dear dead heart of min-" Remus began to mumble out but Remy placed a finger over his mouth to shut him up.

He laid still and listened. The sound of someone opening the door to the hotel room could be heard followed by quiet steps. The agents glanced at each other. From the angle Remy was laying at they couldn't see much except for the ceiling and their husband's face. Remus slowly moved his hand under the pillow and grabbed the knife he'd hidden under it just in case.

The footsteps continued until they stopped by the side of the bed. Out of the corner of his eye Remus saw the person move making his instincts go off. In one swift motion he'd turned around to press the knife against the enemy's neck.

"What a charming greeting 008" Q also known as Logan muttered out. He eyed the knife held against his neck with an unimpressed look on his face. He had a black briefcase with him.

"Q!!!" Both of the Rems let out a happy exclaim.

"You should have said you were coming!" Remy said while sitting up in the bed.

"That's what she said" Remus added.

"I wasn't going to but then I figured it would be for the best if this mission got another step"

Remus moved the blanket aside and patted the spot between the two Rems "Cuddle up motherfucker!"

"008 please put some pants on. I've seen That thing enough for a lifetime" Q stated before sitting down in the middle.

The Rems promptly latched onto him. Hugging him. Remy ran their hand through his pressed down curly hair. Remus nibbled kisses by the start of his neck.

"So 008, you said in your report from yesterday that the man who held the real copy of the keys to Picani's room was named Ron Stewart correct?"

"Yeah"

"Well I discovered that he is on a train today towards Lithuania along with cargo for his company. His company is stated as an electricity manufacturer but it didnt take a lot of research to find he also has ties to something else. I am not sure of what yet but it is earning him a lot of income. For your information Picani's mission before he was killed was to find solid evidence of what this side business was"

Remy held back a wince at the mention of Picani "Aight easy. We get on the train. I Kill him. We figure out like what the fuck he's up to and like revenge Emile. Piece of cake" Remus nodded along.

"Yes well" Q opened the briefcase "In other news I took a few gadgets with me to aid you" He took out a pair of black high heels and handed them to Remy "Same function as always. Black like you requested"

"It's 'cause black tots goes with like anything"

A small box, not bigger than a thumb, was up next. Q opened it slightly to show white pills inside before giving it to Remy "I've tried to make it so the taste of poison is even less subtle"

The enby got a sinister smile on their face "They won't know what hit them!"

Remus dragged in Logan's sleeve "Me time!! I want gadgets too!!!"

Q nodded before taking out a long thin black straw and gave it to the duke "Be careful. Please! This is your 7th laser so don't break it. It's not a knife. It's not a stick. It's a laser. It heats things up. It doesn't cut through things. It heats them up. Please I don't want to have to make another one"

The duke looked at it with a giddy smile before looking up. A few moments of silence went by before his smile disappeared "That's all? I only get 1 gadget???? Rem got 2! You're playing favorites just 'cause you fuck them!"

"No. I am playing favorites because they don't break their gadgets!........But I do actually have another gadget for the both of you"

Q took out 2 pens and several coins. He sat the coin as far away on the blanket as he could. He pressed down on a specfic point on it before leaning back and pressing the pen up and down 5 times. The coin exploded leaving a hole in the blanket. The Rems let out oooohs and ahhhhs in response.

"Explosives. Each coin causes 1 explosion. Right now I'll give you 20 to use but you can always request more. Oh and 008" He took out 2 packages of pills "You forgot you stimulants" It was to help him focus better, his lil autistic rat brain wasn't good at that "And antidepressants at the base again so I thought I'd bring them to you"

"Aww thanks Q. How caring!"

"No problem. As your quartermaster I must care for you after all. INcluding caring for your mental health. Well I wish you good luck on your mission"

The Rems glanced at each other before sending Q puppy eyes. "You can wish us good luck better than that can't you?"

Logan let out an amused sigh and rolled his eyes before nodding. He gave Remus a kiss on the lips before doing the same to Remy. He was aro and didn't see kissing as a serious thing, neither did the Rems. The kissing before missions was just a nice tradition.

Remy traced their finger over their lips "I already have a feeling this mission will go splendid"

3 hours later Remy was sitting by a luxurious vanity in front of a mirror. They were meticulously filling in their lips with cheery red lipstick. Remus came up from behind and put his hands on their shoulders before leaning down to press a kiss to their cheek.

The enby took the blade laying on the vanity and held it up to his face "Dear if you kiss me now you'll ruin my make up and I will have to kill you for that"

"Sounds like a sweet death" He teased in return.

"If I wanted to make it a sweet one I would"

Remus glanced around at the make up products while putting on an overly extra pout "Why can't I ever get to be the lady???"

"Hun you have a giant caterpillar on your upper lip and it is the bane of my existance. If you could just let me shave it off-"

The duke gasped and covered his precious mustache with his hands "NEVER!!!"

" Well it would make disguising you much easier. If some baddie sees you once they're gonna remember that nasty ass muschie for like months! And secondly you don't really have like the right bone structure. Like girl you would look like the most beautiful lady I'd ever seen but you wouldn't look like the kind of gal these dirtbags want y'know?"

"I know"

Remy leaned their head against his chest and smiled up at him. "When we get home I can make you look nice and pretty kay? I'll evem lend you my fav mini skirts...As long as your dumptruck ass doesn't destroy them"

Remus grinned and let out a giddy laugh "OHOHOHOH let's get these bitches killed so we can get home PLEase!!"

After another half hour Remy was ready to go. They'd hidden a blade on their left thigh and stuck the box of pills on the side of their underwear. Remus took them by the arm and they walked out into the hallway of the train. They looked around various mini suites before coming out into a bigger cart. The bar.

Blue satin sheets framed the windows. Sunlight strimmed in onto dark wooden tables with comfortable seats surrounding them. The bar was ornate and it's menu was filled with expensive cocktails.

The enby bumped their elbow into their husband's ribs before pointing over to a booth in the corner. There Ron Stewart sat alone with a bowl of olives and a beer.

Remus mumbled a quiet 'you got this' before letting go off their arm. He sat down by the bar at such an angle so he could watch Stewart without it being noticeable. He ordered a glass of water and began to sprinkle copious amount of salt and pepper into it as he watched Remy go up to Stewart. Their body language was completely different. He overheard something about coincidences and seeing him at the casino. It didn't take long until Stewart had moved so Remy could sit down next to him.

The duke let out a content sigh and looked out the window. It was in quiet moments like these, while waiting for his spouse to do what they did best, that he admired them more than ever. All he could do was sit and think about how much he loved them. How he loved Every part of them. Thinking and thinking until it felt like his heart would burst.

It wasn't until someone bumped into him he got out of his thoughts. He looked up and saw Remy leaning on the bar.

"Vodka martini. Shaken not stirred please" Remy ordered.

Remus poked his elbow into their ribs plafully "Dork. Using my dad's catchphrase like that" He teased with a smirk.

They rolled their eyes at him before adding "And you can place a bottle of champange in suite 17!"

While the bartender worked on it the enby sat down next to Remus. They looked in the other direction while speaking so Stewart wouldn't notice.

"He's involved in human trafficking. That's where his like money comes from. Was supa easy to get it out of him. Dirty bastard. Didn't get what is in the cargo but he joked that it wasn't human at least"

"Okay good!" Remus exclaimed "So we go to the cargo see whats up. And then when we're done we can go back and arrest Stewart when we're done. Easy peasy pumpkin pie motherfucker"

Remy dug their nails down into the table so hard it left marks "Nah I'm murdering him now"

Remus opened his mouth before closing it again and thinking. He decided the wise and only choice was to support his spouse in their killing ways "Okay yeah sure. Have fun. If you're not back in 15 minutes I'll assume something has gone wrong and will come help"

They sent him a small smile "Thanks babe"

They downed the martini in one sweep and took a deep breathe before putting on their fake smile again. They went back to Stewart. All it took was a few flirty comments while leaning close to him to get him to walk with them to his room. Like a lamb blissfully going to the slaughter.

The champagne had been set on the bedside table in a bucket of ice like they'd requested. Stewart sat down on the edge of the bed and patted the place next to him. Remy obediently sat down. A taste of nausea filled their mouth when he placed his hand on their inner thigh. But they kept their facade of liking it up. Kept it up even as he whispered what he wanted to do with them into their ear and pressed kisses to their neck.

Remy leaned away when he tried to go for a kiss on the mouth "Shall I get the champange Dear?"

He eagerly nodded in return. They got up and made sure to move slow. They cast a look back at him while moving their dress up up to their right hip, just enough so a bit of their underwear showed. They ran their hand under their underwear line feeling where the small box they'd hidden laid. The box with poisonous pills in it.

They kept their expression the same as they caught hold of the box and in one smooth motion hid it under their bracelet. They kept their dress up as they poured up the champange. Out of the corner of their eye they could see Stewart only looking at their thighs so they took the opppurtunity to let a single white pill go down into one of the drinks.

It dispersed in the drink in under a second. They made a mental note to give Q an extra kiss for his excellent job the next time they saw him. They gave the glass to him before sitting down to straddle his lap.

"Cheers" Remy said.

"Cheers baby"

Their smile widened as they watched him drink. They waited until he'd emptied the glass before smashing their own glass against his skull. Stewart barely had time to let out a yell before they'd pushed him down with his back against the bed. They laid their weight on hips to keep him down while forcing his arms over his head.

"What are you-" Stewart didn't finish his sentence. He let out a strange sound as his face began to turn red. The poison was setting in.

Remy took the blade from their thigh and held it up to his neck. Close enough to let out droplets of blood but not close enough to cut him open.

"When I got home after staying out all night for the first time my moms cried of relief because they were sure I'd been taken by human traffickers working for the likes of you. I've had friends go missing just 'cause people like you think no one will notice if a homeless person disappears" They growled out.

"I will-" He forced out.

"Honey you won't do shit" Remy interrupted. They let out a cold chuckle "You'll lay there and wait to see if the poison or-" They cut the knife into his neck with such precision it hit the veins just enough to open them, like they'd done a hundred times before "the blood loss kills you first"

Stewart couldn't say anything more. He was choking on air and blood at the same time. The white satin sheets turned red as Remy sat still and watched every slight change in his expression. It went from anger to a pained one to complete fear of death.

His legs kicked to instinctively try and get Remy off and his hands flailed around his neck to try and stop the bleeding but it was to no avail. Soon his limbs stopped moving and the desperate sounds he'd been letting out quieted. Before finally his eyes became glossy and he stopped blinking. The blood had stopped dripping out.

"Blood loss huh" Remy said to of course no answer.

They stood up and hid the blade under their dress again. They let out an annoyed groan when they noticed blood stains on the dress. They'd liked this one! They searched around the room for anything useful.

In the drawer of the nightstand they found a key card to the cargo section of the train. They gave themself a pat on the back and was about to leave when they saw a document that had laid next to the key. They stuffed it down their top to keep it for later. Q was usually the one who told them if a document was important or not.

Remus shone up into a big goofy grin when he saw his spouse return. He held himself back from giving them a big long kiss. They took his hand, intertwined their fingers, and pulled him along to the small passage leading up to the cargo parts of the train.

There was a thick metal door stopping them from entering the cargo part. With a triumphant smirk Remy pulled out the key card and unlocked out while Remus gave them a small round of applause.

008 kept his gun ready in his hand as he entered the first cargo train with 009 right behind him. There were 2 guards who both immediately reached for their guns. Remus shot one of them at the same time Remy threw their blade into the neck of the other.

The couple high fived. Remy was using the new gadget high heels Q had given them. They took the heels off so the high heel turned into a normal shoe, it somewhat looked like a ballet shoe. Inside the heels 2 more blades were hidden.

The train was empty aside from a few meaningless boxes but there were one more cargo cart to look through. "How about I stay here and make sure no like bitches come at you from this side and you continue to the rest of the like cargo?" Remy suggested.

"Sounds like a plan!"

Remus pressed a kiss to the top of their forehead before quickly continuing on to the small outside part connecting the two carts. Remy closed the door behind him.

He pressed his ear against the door to the next cart. There were footsteps coming from the other side. He rolled up his sleeves before jumping up and just about grabbing on to the edge of the cart's roof. With a strained groan he heaved himself up. The wind nearly knocked him over as soon as he stood up. It was the last cart so whatever was important in the cargo section had to be in there.

The roof was made out of metal. Remus took out the black laser. He was careful to not point it at himself as he moved it against the roof. When he turned it a spark went off before it's cold blue almost fire looking laser burried down into the roof.

Slowly the metal began to melt. He moved it just as slowly around in a square motion. Until it had melted enough that he was able to move it. He made sure the laser created a small hole, just about to press a few fingers in, before turning it off. He covered his hands in the fabric of his shirt and let out a grunt as he grabbed onto the hole in the metal and moved it until a small opening down into the carriage had been made.

He peered down and like he'd suspected there were at least 10 guards inside. All of them were heavily armed. There was no way Remus would be able to take them all.

Luckily he didn't have to. He took one of the explosive coins and clicked on it before dropping it down into the carriage. He didn't even give the guards a chance to react before detonating it.

No more sounds came from inside the carraige. Remus dropped down from the roof and opened the door. The guards laid still on the ground. He checked their pulses. It was going slow and unsteady so they wouldn't be waking up soon (aka in several days probably).

There wasn't much in the carriage. A few box filled with guns and ammunition littered the wooden floor but aside from that all there was was a metal box in the corner. It was big enough to fit a human if they hunched down. It was thick enough that he doubted even one of the explosives would get it open. He tried the key to open it but it didn't work.

"What the fuck" He mumbled to himself.

On the sides and top of the box things were engraved. He was unsure if it'd been engraved a knife or...teeth.....somehow. The same sentences were written over and over.

Remus tried to read it but all the words swirled around and changed places. He hit his hands against his head and tried to concentrate. Usually Remy read things for him when on missions (and when home too honestly), and before he had them he had.....He had.....

He despised his dyslexia so much. Sensory overload could be avoided by Q ordering clothes with the exact textures he could handle and making him earpieces that filtered out just enough sound so he wouldn't panic. People didn't notice his lack of eye contact and fumbling with social cues and voice tones as long as he was looked normal. But there was no way to get around his dyslexia.

It took (in his opinion) an embarrassing amount of time before he was able to piece the words together. But when he finally did his body went cold.

Targets: 0̶0̶5̶ 0̶0̶1̶2̶ 009 008 - Remus Smythe

They knew his name. They knew his name.

Remus felt nauseous. His heart was beating so fast he could hear it. How the fuck did they even know that. What more did they know?? He was used to people knowing his name as Remus Smythe the son of Octavia Smythe. But not as Remus smythe the 008 agent.

He knew his mom could defend herself. All of the women, his caregivers, on the floating palace could. but still. At least they didn't know Remy's name. At least- At least- They were after them though! They specifically wanted to murder the love of his life.

Sure people had been trying to kill them before. Many a times. But he and Remy had known the two of them were strong enough to proctect themself. But....but....these people had killed Picani. Emile Picani! They could- they would-

He took a step back. Logically he should figure out a way to open the box. That was why he has here wasn't it? But he had to make sure Remy was okay. Had to-

He turned around and quickly went towards the door. He stopped midstep as he heard something metal-like crash under his foot. He looked down and realized he'd stepped on a dogtag one of the guards had been holding.

The metal plate was cold in Remus' hand as he tried to read it. His eyes widened. He didn't have to struggle to make the words out. He would always be able to recognize that name in an instant.

His hand shook as he forced the dogtag down into his pocket. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't breathe.

He stumbled out from the carriage before throwing the door open to the next one. He was hyperventilating as he collapsed onto his knees. He looked up through tears at the blurry sight of Remy.

They'd been sitting on a box cleaning one of their blades while using the bodies of the guards they'd killed as a footstool. When they saw their husband they quickly went over and sat down in front of him. They moved their arms around his shoulders while checking for injuries.

"What happened? Are you hurt?"

"R-remy" He cried out. He hugged them as tight as he could and slumped his head against their chest. Uneven sobs racked his body.

"It's okay. It's okay babe. Shhh. Breathe for me" They moved their hand through his hair to soothe him "Just follow my breathing"

"You c-can't be hu-hurt"

"I'm not. I promise. You always take my injuries for me like an idiot. I'm 100% okay"

"It's- They- He-"

With a shaky hand he took out the dogtag from his pocket. It felt like the name engraved on it burned into his skin. Remy held onto his hand.

"What- who's tag is that?"

Remus glanced up at them with tear filled eyes "The f-former 009. Roman"

#live and let die #remus sanders #remy sanders #logan sanders #ts remus #ts remy #sanders sides #thomas sanders #intrusleep #remsleep #resleep #rem^2 #please reblog

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totallypathet · 4 years ago

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Episode Seven

I am being very inconsistent with my breakdowns this season. Both with Drag Race and in general 😂

Anyway, the reading challenge! We love the reading challenge. Nearly everyone had at least 1 good roast, except for Miss Elliott. I dont know what she was trying to do, but none of it worked. On the plus side though, Gottmik was hilarious? I just wasn't expecting that from her, but I love it. Honestly though I think my favourite was Olivia Lux's "Kandy Ho...wait, I mean Kandy is a hoe" that was so funny! Rosé and Denali were also really funny, but I kind of loved everyone else's reads for Rosé, I feel like she brought out the best in people 😂

I wasn't super excited for Bossy Rossy to come back. I just think improv is *so* hard, and it's really easy to be tripped up. Having said that, I actually really enjoyed this episode. I felt like all the scenarios were just so ridiculous that actually it worked in everyone's favour.

1. Denali

Denali was so funny this week! I was not expecting physical comedy from her and Rosé, but they absolutely killed it. The outfits and the voices were properly giving me Jerry Springer, and omg PREGNANTE just killed me! They were actually genuinely funny!

And her look this week...I actually gasped when she turned the corner. It was such a beautiful look, and I really felt that like grand chandelier thing she was going for. I loved it, and I think Denali should have been top 3 this week instead of Kandy. The judges are sleeping on Denali and I don't get it. I think she's great!

2. Elliott with Two Ts

I barely even want to talk about Elliott this week. Nothing she did was funny. Nothing she did this week was enjoyable. She was bad in the sketch. The runway look was ugly and tacky. I'm bored. She wasn't even that good in the lipsync, I do not understand why she's still there.

I mean, I feel for her with her struggle with depression, that's really hard, and I know that it does isolate you from people, and I understand why she's been very detached from the rest of the cast. I feel for her, and I really hope she has a good support system around her; but her performance this week (and every other week) was still bad.

3. Gottmik

Gottmik was actually so funny this week. She really was that like soft spoken, condescending, hand gestures, "active listening" faux-psychologist; I loved it. I really bought the character, I thought she was funny, she worked really well with Olivia, and also that look? The pink suit? Amazing. Also she had so many little throwaway mime one liners that were so clever! She was kind of unfortunate in that Olivia was really the standout performer in that group, and that other groups also performed really well, because I think she was a real contender for top 3 this week.

I looooved Gottmik's runway. The big anal bead hair piece? Amazing. And the dress being all that one colour, but with the texture of the beads and the latex? Perfect. And the way she painted her face! I just loved it, it was beads in a really unconventional way, and I love that about Gottmik, she always brings her perspective. The only thing, and it is such a teeny tiny thing, is that I wish the shoes had had more of a "round" feeling? Like everything else felt like latex balls and then the shoes were just like red pumps. I wish they'd been more like those McQueen heels Gaga wore, that were really rounded? It's such a small thing though, like the look was perfect, I'm just being super picky!

4. Kandy Muse

I dont really understand why Kandy was top 3 this week. I do like that she tried something different, and I like that she was aiming for this very cold, Paris Hilton type thing, but I just don't think she went far enough with it. The sketch as a whole was funny, but for me the humour came from Symone.

The look this week though. Kandy Muse has never looked better. She looked amazing! That big hat, with the big fur stole, and the beads just dripping off everything, it was so perfect. I just loved it.

5. Lala Ri

I actually don't think Lala was that bad this week! Was she utterly hilarious in her performance? No, but improv is hard, and she gave it her absolute best. I actually thought she was pretty funny, I loved the pregnancy belly being totally the wrong skin colour, I thought the trust fall thing was a really funny idea, I dont think she did too badly! Also, there was a moment right before the trust fall where she was counting Rosé in, and she just went "one, FALL", and that was so much funnier than they gave it credit for. For me, it was a safe performance.

I also really liked her look! It immediately gave me beads, I loved the kind of carnivale presentation she gave, I enjoyed it! Okay, the body suit had a rip in it, but sometimes shit happens when you're putting on a garment okay? I forgive the rip. I do get that, okay, it's a body suit with basically a beaded bikini, I see that. But honestly, I just don't think anything Lala did this week was THAT bad. It wasn't great, but it wasn't bad. I just felt safe to me.

Lala didn't deserve to go this week. She was better than Elliott in the challenge, her runway look was better than Eliott's, and she beat Elliott in the lipsync. I do not understand the judging on this show. Bottom 2 should have been Utica and Elliott, and Elliott should have gone.

6. Olivia Lux

Olivia made me so happy this week. I mean, she makes me happy every week, I am fully an Olivia Stan, but oh my god. She killed it this week! She said like 3 words the whole time, but I could barely take my eyes off her! When they were talking through parts in the work room, I was ao worried about her, and I was so concerned that she'd fade into the background because she couldn't talk, but holy shit she was so funny! She had the energy, she went so over the top with her actions, I was not at all expecting that slapstick type funny from her but she delivered. Olivia's performance was absolutely my favourite this week, I was just so blown away by her.

Also, that runway look was amazing! I loved her interpretation of beads, it was so cute, and so fun, and she really embodied that kind of pre-teen joy and care-free spirit. I just loved it. It seems like she's worked a lot with Mondo Guerra on her runway looks this season, which I live, because I adore Mondo, and every week I can't wait to see what she's wearing!

7. Rosé

I was really impressed with Rosé! Her and Denali were so funny together, and Rosé in particular was really funny with "Jared", like she never forgot that there was meant to be an invisible boyfriend next to her; she was holding his hand, she looked at him like he was really there, it was amazing. I was genuinely really impressed with Rosé this week.

Where I felt like she fell down a little bit was with her runway. Was it cute? Absolutely. Was it amazing? No. It just didn't give me anything, I didn't get a story, or a character, or a feeling, it was just "oh, that looks good". Which is fine, but it doesn't win challenges, you know?

8. Symone

Deboooorah! I loved Symone this week. I actually loved that their sketch wasn't massive high energy and screaming and yelling, because that wasn't the characters they were given. They did such an amazing job of being the child stars crying on Oprah's sofa type characters, and I actually loved it. Also, the candle thing was hysterical, Symone holding a candle that says "desperation" and crying was just so funny to me. She absolutely sold me the character, I was really getting a Real Housewives moment where they're like "I'm starting my own business where I'm going to make my own candles!" And then they get really emotional about it. I loved it so much, she was hilarious this week.

And Symone's look! My flatmate and I were literally applauding in our front room. It was perfect. It was beautifully made, all the proportions were perfect, the colour palette was gorgeous, the attention to detail was everything, I loved it so much. AND SHE HAD HER NAME IN HER HAIR! The beads in her hair spelled out SYMONE. Everything about it was perfect.

I really couldn't pick this week whether Symone or Olivia was going to win, and honestly I didn't mind either way. They were both just so incredible.

9. Tina Burner

You guys. I am bored of Tina Burner. I can't believe I'm saying it either. But she walked in being really like campy and fun, and then just sort of flatlined. I didn't think she was that funny this week. Even next to Elliott, the least funny queen in the whole line up, she didn't seem like the funny one. I am disappointed. The only bit of their sketch that was funny was them fighting with the huge ass and tits. That was just so ridiculous that it was funny.

I'll tell you what else, I've already forgotten what she wore on the runway. I watched this episode less than 24 hours ago, and yet I've got to go back and watch it again so I remember Tina. And then I remembered why it didn't stick in my mind. I don't know what she was thinking but...she's lucky the judges liked her challenge performance. Also, it looked like a worse version of Crystal Methyd's entrance look with some beads stuck on. Didn't get it, didnt like it, still waiting for Tina to wear something good on the runway.

The one thing I will say about Tina this week is that we really saw her be a human with Elliott, and I really loved that. That was the first time this season that I've really liked Tina. I appreciate that she gave Elliott that pep talk, and that she said that thing in her confessional about being a bit judgmental and feeling guilty about it, I really appreciated that, and I feel like we saw a real person. I want more of that!

10. Utica

Utica... I don't think she's long for this competition, I'm afraid. She literally started this week saying she's a scene stealer, and she does improv regularly, and she was really excited for this challenge...what happened? I was lost, during her whole performance. First of all, she was supposed to be Olivia's mum, hadn't seen her for 20 years, but she came out looking like a 19 year old? I think she was aiming for that like "mutton dressed as lamb" type look, those mom's who are like "me and my daughter always get confused for sisters!" thing, but she didn't go far enough with it. It just didn't work. And then the Starbucks thing? Didn't get that either. The one thing I will give her is I loved that she shushed Olivia when Olivia was like copying the hand gestures in a really mocking way, I thought that was so funny. But other than that... Utica should have been lipsyncing this week, honestly. She wasn't funny. Where were the jokes??

The only things that saved her this week was the look. It was stunning. I dont really know what else to say about it, because it was just gorgeous. It was beautiful, but a bit twisted and freaky, and tragic all in one. Stunning.

The other thing I want to say about this week is that moment when they were doing makeup, and Kandy was being Maury, and Lala was running around the workroom having just been told Tina was not the father of her children, followed by Mik the camera operator and Elliott the sound tech? Hilarious. That was the funniest bit of the whole episode, I was creasing 👌👌

For me, the top 2 of the season are Olivia and Symone. I've thought that since the very first episode, and honestly, the others are great (mostly), but to me they just aren't on the same level as Olivia and Symone. They're just both amazing, they're so funny, and so talented, and incredible performers, and absolute Stars on the runway.

#drag race #rupaul #rupauls drag race #rpdr #rpdr13 #denali #denali foxx #elliott with 2 ts #gottmik #kandy muse #lala ri #olivia lux #rosé #symone #tina burner #utica #utica queen #opinion piece #breakdown

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wizkiddx · 4 years ago

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worst case scenario part 3

umm so, never ever intended it to be this long but here we are. again this is v dark so please please read the warning!! also [and obvs] this is very medically inaccurate and just a work of my head aha

[part 1] [part 2]

warning: mentions of death / hospital / mentions of childhood abandonment too- please don't read if this could affect you <3

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His heart was thundering in his chest, so much so it drowned out all other sounds making all the doctors words fade into the background. Conciously, he really was trying to listen to what the doctor was saying; consciously he knew she was trying to prepare him to see Y/n; consciously he knew she knew he wasn’t okay. But really? It didn’t matter, and as they drew closer to his fiancé Tom felt an urgent sense of relief purely know she was there. She was there and she wasn’t dead…yet.

Only two people were allowed to go up, just because the nature of the ward - everything was meticulously controlled, including the comings and goings of visitors. If you’ve never been in an ICU it’s a pretty hard environment to describe. Really, it’s just another hospital ward, with capacity of about 20 beds. Each bed has much more equipment surrounding that the average and a nurse is stationed per patient, monitoring every possible variable that the machienes are measuring, so any trend (either positive or negative) can be identified at the earliest point. Though in everyones head, it seems as though ICU is a common place ending up for some unfortunate sod when something bad happens, it’s actually really rare for someone to be so ill and dependant on medicine to maintain normal body functioning. Only the most severe trauma, infection of the most dangerous microorganism, surgery of such high stakes normally make an appearance on the ward. And ,on average, between 8-20% patients that are admitted to an ICU never make it out.

And those grim figures were unignorable to anyone. As soon as you walk through the doors, the atmosphere is intense and ineffable. It’s not spoken, but is so incredibly morbid it makes anyone shiver.

Dom felt this, squeezing his sons shoulder as he followed Tom and the doctor, just a pace or so behind them. Having offered to go with Tom, whilst Harrison took Nikki to see the baby, Dom was now feeling just as clueless as his son did. Except he was actually listening to what the doctor was trying to warn them about and it scared him. The three, made it to the door and with a swipe of her ID card the doctor admitted the Holland men in. Gratefully, none of the staff took any notice of who was walking in, they were much too busy for that - Dom was incredibly relieved, had someone recognised Tom when he was in this state, god knows what would’ve happened.

The doctors pace was with purpose, perhaps so that the two couldn’t spend too long ogling the other patients in the beds - who all looked almost unhuman with the amount of tubes and wires coming out and into them. But then, she slowed up, halting infront of a bay about 5 or 6 down the ward. Spinning on her heel and with a subtle nod to momentarily release the nurse from her post at Y/n’s bedside, to give them a bit of privacy, she looked at the two men.

“You can touch her, just be gentle with the wires.”

Shellshocked and terrified, Tom was frozen those 2 metres away from the bed barely able to see her face over all the equipment. Yet undoubtedly, it was his finance’s delicate visage lying on the white pillow, with a thick white mouthpiece and tube covering her mouth and stuffed into her nose. Not able to move, both Dom and Dr Goodwell sensitively waited - it was an adjustment to say the least, seeing someone you knew so well look so different. With quiet tears starting to roll down his eyes, Tom eventually started to inch toward the bedside, taking his time to try and absorb everything of this frankly ridiculous situation. He couldn’t get over how, even considering it all, above her nose it just looked like Y/n. Like she was asleep in their bed, eyes closed as if she had once again fallen asleep infront of a random Netflix movie Tom had bugged her enough to watch in bed. And it was, ever so slightly comforting. That was still her, that was still the love of his life lying there. And she was still alive - which given the last few hours, was enough.

Reaching the bedside, Tom naturally reached out and stroked the top of her head delicately, pulling into place a few rogue strands that seemed to have a mind of their own - she had always hated when her hair got frizzy. The picture had Tom’s mind casting back to their first holiday, a serene if quick few days in Fiji- though Y/n didnt know this , that holiday had been one of the most important times in their relationship for Tom. Until then, given the nature of his job, the couple had only ever managed brief periods together. They spent time together as and when they could in between Tom’s busy schedule but it was never as long as they’d like. Somehow though, he’d managed to squeeze a few days away to surprise Y/n with the trip.

It was everything he’d ever hoped it would be and more. In fact it was then Tom was oh so sure he would be spending the rest of his life with her. This thought crossed his mind on the last morning, when he had for once woken up before Y/n - her head mere cms away from his on the pillow. Just like now, her hair had been all over the place and her sparkling green eyes locked shut. Contrastingly though, in Fiji the sight had made him smile softly; now it just made him cry again.

“Would you like a minute alone Mr Holland? We will just wait outside?” Not even turning round to properly respond to the doctor, Tom just nodded violently, not taking his eyes off his fiancé - waiting till he heard his Dad and the doctor leave the bay; then the curtains be completely drawn to a close, before he shakily cleared his throat to whisper.

“Hey darling… you um-you’ve scared me shitless today… and… and I’m supposed to be the dramatic one in the relationship.” Chuckling wetly, Tom clasped his other hand in Y/n’s - still mindful of the IV port coming out of the top of her wrist. Not that he was expecting any sort of response, yet the lack of her squeezing his hand back still had his heart sink. “Look I…I love you so bloody much and I really need you to get better okay? You’ve never listened to me before but I really am begging you to now, I just.” Swallowing thickly, he shut his eyes momentarily and delicately rested his forehead on hers - his touch feather light. Just needing to feel her. “I just really need you and I really love you., okay?”

Unsurprisingly he didn’t get a response. The rhetorical question hung in the air alone, safe the mechanical whir of the ventilator and various chimes of the machines and monitor, till his Dad came in. Grasping and squeezing his shoulder lightly, Dom provided the stimulus for his son to unfold from over the bed, standing upright, as both men just took in the sight of Y/n lying there for a minute or two.

“I need her Dad. I-I-“

“I know Tom.” Speaking so quietly it was barely audible, Dom’s eventual agreement at what Tom was saying was in a way a relief. Haz and his mum had both either been saying or implying that they would be okay no matter what - which came from a good place but was so infuriating. Because god forbid, if this situation got worse Tom knew it wouldn’t be okay. Nothing would ever be okay again. So his Dad’s simple acknowledgment meant a lot, causing Tom to turn round and embrace his slightly shorter father.

Dr Goodwell silently watched the exchange for a short while and once the men eventually pulled away she stepped forward to give some more information. She went through what all the biggest and scary looking tubes and wires were doing for Y/n, before explaining the next steps.

“Now as I said before we are sedating her at the moment, while we wait and see if she gets any complications from the surgery that are better treated while she is asleep. By this afternoon we will have a clearer idea and by that point we may choose to withdraw that sedation. It’s important that you are aware though that she might not wakeup immediately. Sometimes some people that have suffered similarly to your fiancé will be unconscious for a while in what I’d presume you’ve heard of as a ‘coma’. Now it’s not as dramatic as you see on TV shows, it’s just Ms Y/l/n’s brain giving her body a chance to recover. It’s often a longer process, which I know is something you don’t want to hear, but I have to be honest.” The doctor was stern but in a softer and from-a-caring-place. “These patients are suggested to possibly recover quicker if they have a steady support network behind them, which it seems like she does. That means that you need to look after yourself so you can help her sir, especially in what could be a long process. It’s not going to be helpful for Yn if you’re killing yourself trying to be here all the time… It seems like Y/n already has quite a big group of you here for her, so please remember you’ve got all of her care team here and everyone else to help you too….Does that make sense sir?”

“Tom” His Dad, in a gentle but firm warning tone, urged Tom to speak and to listen. Properly listen.

“Yeh… I-yeh It’s just all a lot right now.”

“Of course… and we promise that if anything changes with her condition, you will be phoned straight away. You are welcome to stay as long as you want - the only rules are two at a time, no flowers, sign in and out and then sanitise your hands pretty excessively. If you need anything, Ms Y/l/n’s nurse will be your first port of call.”

“Thanks for everything” Dom nodded in a gracious manner, which the doctor seemed to massively appreciate - apparently, for the job they do not receiving a hell of a lot of thanks.

“I’ll pop back in a little bit.”

And for a couple of hours everything everything felt like a bit of an anticlimax, nothing happened, not a lot changed. Just Tom and Dom sat next to Y/n’s bed in silence; Harrison and Nikki downstairs with the baby, till Dom got a phone call from Nikki asking them to meet at the neonatal unit - which was limited by visitor numbers unlike the ICU. Thinking it’d be simple, the elder man gained Tom’s attention with a call of his name, explaining they should go down to meet up.

“I’m not going down there.”

“Son, I know you’re worried by Y/n isnt going anywhere right now. The doctors said they’d call you if anything happens.”

“It’s not-“ Tom stopped himself, biting his tongue and looking away from his Dad. “I just don’t want to go down there.” Slowly, Dom was more and more realising Tom’s thought process and honestly… it scared him. In the hopes this was just a big misunderstanding he offered a different option - hoping Tom would equally refuse that. Dom suggested going down to the cafe instead, which most unfortunately Tom agreed to. It wasn’t leaving Y/n that was the issue, it was being near the baby.

Tom’s daughter. Unnamed and apparently abondoned by both parents.

Anyhow, Dom resigned to playing into Tom’s choice, perhaps Nikki and Harrison would be able to swing him round, to see sense. It still took Tom getting the nurse to triple check they had his correct number on record , just in case, before Dom could tear him away from the bed. Fortunately the pair found a quiet and secluded corner table, where Tom was still yet to be recognised, while Nikki and Haz found them too.

What followed was Tom answering all his mum and Harrison’s questions about Y/n’s condition, in a blunt and emotionless manner - without Tom returning fire by asking any questions at all about his beautiful little baby girl. Eventually Nikki braved it, someone had to bring it up.

“Well it sounds like littles going to change for a while… maybe you should head home for a bit? You’ve been up half the night and you look shattered love. You don’t have to go back to yours… you could stay in your old room for a bit?” Tom being by himself at the moment sounded like the most incredibly stupid idea ever, Nikki was offering it as a choice - when in reality there was only one option.

“Maybe later this evening I will? Just don’t want to leave her alone yet.”

“It’s already 7 love, you’ve not eaten all day, you got to look after yourself too.” Harrison and Dom sat awkwardly while Nikki tried to delicately encourage Tom into what was the only sensible plan, watching him nurse the small hot choclate in both his palms. Time really had lost all meaning at this point, for him it felt both years since he’d first arrived with Y/n and at the same time barely 10 minutes ago. It felt weird.

“We can take shifts? If-if you want someone with her I mean… I don’t mind staying for a bit longer if it means you head back to your parents.” Harrison really truly didnt mind, in fact he sort of wanted to. He wanted to see Y/n’s face definitely alive, wanted to feel reassured by the monitors. Shockingly, Tom slowly nodded his head, surprising everyone with his lack of argument. None of them could work out whether it was a good thing him not putting up much arguement ; either he was heeding everyones advice of taking care of himself - or he had just given up. Harrison, as much as he didn’t want to, was favouring the latter.

“Okay” Nikki declared optimistically “So maybe you and Harrison go up so you can say good night to Y/n, then we can all go and pick up the baby?” She opened the plan to the floor, allowing for input but got nothing - except maybe Tom’s jaw unconsciously tensing uncomfortable at the latter part of her statement. Dom noticed.

Not one noticed but knew what it meant. His son blamed his granddaughter. His son, right now in that moment, hated the unnamed and totally helpless baby girl.

part 4?

#tom holland #tom holland x reader #dad!tom #tomholland #tom holland angst

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mavspeed · 4 years ago

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First Line Meme

Rules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all). See if there are any patterns. Choose your favorite opening line, then tag 10 of your favorite authors!

Hey @applesfallingfromblondehair, thanks for the tag love!! likewise i dont usually do this but this feels interesting so lets see if my ass has improved over the last few stories lmfkjgjk

also this will prob be a mix of xmcu fic + kingsman fic bc i think i have a more or less equal number of fics written for both

The first time Charles meets Lucifer Morningstar, actual devil from hell, ruler of the underworld, fallen son of the lord above and god knows what else, it had been after Erik had been sentenced to life imprisonment in the highest security cell in the Pentagon.

- this is from a professor and a devil walk into a bar, which is kinda a crossover rarepair fic that rose out of me and mutuals on twitter discussing tom ellis and james mcavoy being roommates and kinda... devolved from there. i am proud of this one lmfnjgkj

“Are you okay, Professor?” Hank asks quietly.

Charles blinks. He supposes it’s a valid question. He’s been in a bit of a funk the past few days- scratch that actually, the past few years. He’s just lost so much- his father, and then his mother’s love, and then Raven and Erik and Sean and countless others. Building a school, gaining students he loved to teach and nurture hadn’t helped him in the slightest, and he’s as lost as he ever was, wandering the halls of a drafty mansion alone, feeling like he’s been stranded at sea even whilst surrounded by people.

- from in the belly of the beast, which again came out of me wondering what would have happened if fox had gone w their original plan and charles had been that last horseman instead of erik. this story will prob gain a sequel... sometime in the near future when im not too bogged down by current wips

The Xavier family hall of the deceased- because of course they’re weird enough to have a cemetery- is full of rows upon rows of holograms. Charles is four and gets bored of his father crying over his mother’s hologram, so he toddles over to the other rows. Unfamiliar names, all of them- Charles is young, and he doesn’t understand death. He doesn’t even know who his mother is, who’d died at childbirth and left him with a father still at a loss when it came to bringing up a kid.

- from tequila on a spaceship, the sequel to a fic that still has some people angry at me i think. this fic never did gain as much traction as the first one but im still proud of it esp since it discusses certain themes of reincarnation that ive always wanted to see explored for myself in reincarnation aus (and i only ever saw it in danveresque’s reincarnation au)

There are cork boards covering every inch of the wall. Red strings, photographs, conspiracy threads, everything. Raven takes it in, swallowing, noticing the picture in the middle.

It’s one of Charles, when he’d been in university. His final year- he'd just been done presenting his year- end project, his fringe a tumbled mess and a bright smile on his lips. Erik had taken the picture, Charles scurrying to his side once he’d been done and demanding to look at the image, his tongue poking out the corner of his mouth. He looks like how Raven had always imagined him to be.

“He wouldn’t want this,” she finally says, turning to look at Erik.

- from tequila on a beach, the first fic to the fic above. this fic is v special to me because i actually wrote this on a spiral after having a very tough visit with one of my parents in the hospital after a surgery for organ removal to prevent the onset of cancer. its simpler than my other fics yet i think more powerful because of what happens. also i think the first time i killed charles off lol (spoiler alert). also idk if ppl were aware of this but this is called tequila on a beach precisely bc charles and erik were tipsy from tequila at a frat party and then went to a beach. its the way they first met (and will continue to meet for all their next lives)

Erik doesn’t know how it all started. Maybe it was when his insane sergeant had started rambling about imaginary cities, treasures of gold and cursed incantations. Maybe it was when trickles of rumours had started pouring down about the higher ups wanting to investigate unfound territory, disregard the Egyptian government’s feelings on the matter, and put a previously unfound myth on the map for all the world to see. Or maybe, Erik thinks, it was when archaeologist Klaus Schmidt put a bullet through his mother’s head and he ended up going to America armed with dual citizenship and the sole intent of wanting to drive a coin directly between Schmidt’s eyes, joining a division of the American military focused solely on guarding archaeological digs- more importantly, in Egypt, where Schmidt’s interest had shifted.

- from courting the end of the world, another one i’m just insanely proud of! this is the first time i’ve ever attempted a multichapter movie au and it actually managed to work pretty well, i at least haven’t run out of inspiration for it yet lmfjgjg. also erik as himbo rick connell... very rent free in my head

The day after they murder Shaw and leave his house of horrors, Erik crosses the Canadian border with Charles across his back. Charles had started getting tired while they’d been walking, stumbling and nearly tripping until Erik had forced him to get on his back, ignoring Charles’ protests.

The blood’s seeping out steadily from Charles’ nose, staining his shirt and soaking it through. It’s been leaking on and off, and the effects are already obvious in the dark circles beneath Charles’ eyes. Any more, and Erik knows they’ll have to find him a doctor. He hopes the nearest town in Canada has one that would be willing to treat them.

- from a world built for two. i actually dk where the inspiration for this came from, i think i was once again on a depressive spiral and wanted to break my comfort characters into pieces and put them together again. this also deals with codependency and unhealthy coping mechanisms as a result of trauma which i showed as sweet in the fic but i would def not recommend in real life. pls if u relate to either charles or erik in this go see a therapist

The call comes in the afternoon, an hour before Charles is supposed to teach his Intro to Genetics class. Frowning, Charles abandons the game of Candy Crush he’d admittedly been playing rather badly and picks it up. “Charles sp-”

“We need you, Prof,” Kitty says desperately into the phone. “He’s been in a temper all morning, and then Alex’s reports missed out a whole subsection, so he’s fired the entire marketing team! Please, Professor, you have to come immediately!”

- from and we can be pirates. i wrote this in like 4 seconds for my friend who wanted professor charles and ceo erik and actually did not expect this to gain the attention it did... its always the fics u write in like 4 seconds lmfjggj. a sequel for this Is coming too probably at some point in the very far future

Charles Xavier can admit as he sits across from Essex, hands cuffed to the desk, that in hindsight, this had perhaps not been one of his better ideas.

He refuses to admit it as he controls Erik’s mind, preventing him from lashing out and making him close his eyes to the nightmare unfolding in front of him. He refuses to admit it as he gets shoved into the back of a black pickup truck, and the butt of a gun is smashed across his forehead hard enough to knock him out cold for a few hours. He refuses to admit it when he wakes up what appears to be hours later in a cold interrogation room, hands cuffed to the table in front of him, with a suppression collar rendering his mind dark and almost achingly silent.

- from from the land of gods (bring me home). i’ve been struggling w this fic a lot (it didnt come as easily to me as the first one did) but its getting there. also i put charles through hell in this rip sorry mister xavier

In the aftermath, both of them stand at the border of the mansion. The air feels frigid, slicing into Raven’s lungs like a thousand paper cuts. “Charles, please,” she begs, heart in her throat and voice hoarse. “He wouldn’t want you to be like this. He wouldn’t want you to do this. It’s not too late, you can come back.”

Charles gazes back, a brick wall. He hasn’t even cleaned up, still in that damnable yellow and blue suit with blood drying in the corners of his mouth, the bridge of his nose. There’s nothing in his eyes- blank, almost see through. He looks as if he’s a mere shade, a ghost lounging about where he once was. Raven knows better.

“I will raze the world to the ground,” he finally says, his voice free of any inflection, “and when I’m done, no one will be left standing. Not you, and certainly not me.”

- from where all the poets went to die, a dark fic based on what would have happened if moira had killed erik with the bullets. its the first time ive written dark charles and it was v fun if im being honest

10.

Charles is a light sleeper. It’s a trait that stays with him- all the way from his father and the tests to taking care of his mother to Cain Marko and his fists to Cuba and then now, the dust of Washington settling over him and making the waking world lie an inch beyond his eyelids. It therefore stands to reason that the second the windowsill creaks he’s up in a shot, hoisting himself up and lashing out with his telepathy instantly.

That’s not a trait that had stayed with him. That’s a newly formed trait, bitter and bold, carved into existence by Cuba by his students disappearing one by one in Vietnam by the letters that announce Sean’s death in black unfriendly print by-

The tendrils of his telepathy forged cold and distant meet a barrier and recoil, stunned. He focuses his eyes and then widens them, staring at Erik who stares back, hidden beneath that infernal muddied magenta helmet of his. They stare at each other for a moment before Erik clears his throat.

- from in the valley of kings (you will come home). my first ever cherik fic! im actually also proud of this one even if i ended it horribly and half my mutuals refuse to read it bc of how it ended LMFJGJGJ. i cant believe this was supposed to be a funny and cute kid fic and then i turned it into an angst ridden mess. also leo is actually an oc whose adult version is fancasted as charlie rowe by me and another mutual on twitter and im v proud that readers are willing to die for the baby

11.

Mike has to google it, finding a crafts shop nestled into the corner of the street right smack in the middle of Louisiana, past a long and winding dirt road and the crumbling farmhouses relics of a time long past. The air is hot, humid, sticking to the back of his neck like an unwieldy parasite as he pushes the door of the shop open to the sound of the bell tinkling above.

He finds the origami paper quickly enough and has a momentary breakdown about what Bill’s favourite colour even is- he had never thought to ask him. Twenty seven years of following every single footstep of his like a dedicated, most definitely creepy stalker, three months of more than a few states traversed with Bill’s laughter now echoing in his ears like a shadow that trails after him, and this is what stumps him. It takes ten minutes, but he finally settles on light green.

- my first and last entry into the IT fandom bc i love these two but to be very fair there isn’t much content out there for him (and twitter content actually intimidates me lmfjgjjg) a thousand paper cranes never got much traction either but i suspect its bc i was horrible at promoting it. also i very much love this fic even if it never did that well bc ive always wanted to write a fic like this after watching the movie in cinemas in 2019

12.

ok nsfw i guess

Mornings start like this- Eggsy snuffling into David’s neck, attempting to work his way back up to wakefulness as David sleeps the sleep of the dead, the streams of morning sunlight gradually lightening up the room. It’s a while before he gets the energy to sit up, pushing an eager V off the bed- V for Vendetta, a kitten named after one of David’s favourite movies that they’d adopted about a month after moving in together- before stumbling to the loo. He’s already in the shower when David comes in, naked as the day he’s born with his arms entwining themselves around Eggsy’s waist as he murmurs a sleep-soft, “Good morning, love,” as he presses a kiss into the two-days-old hickey on Eggsy’s shoulder. His breath smells of toothpaste, the minty fresh kind he insists on buying from Target no matter how much Eggsy insists that the other brand is much better. Without fail, Eggsy always has a split second thought of thinking that he must truly be in heaven because no way can this be his reality, every single day, before sinking to his knees and allowing David’s cock to hit the back of his throat.

- from that’s the kind of love i’ve been dreaming of. i genuinely wish i had an opinion for this but i don’t remember writing this its been way too long

13.

The first time Eggsy sees her is in Trafalgar Square.

Trafalgar Square is uncomfortably packed on any normal day, but on New Year’s it is quite the hothouse. Sweating armpits and hot bodies plastered against each other, the twinkling lights overhead providing a flash of blue and green and yellow and red, screaming children and giggling teenagers shoving their way through- it’s a recipe for disaster. Eggsy doesn’t know how he ends up there. It happens sometimes- one second he blinks, sequestered in the comfort of his living room, and the next he’s somewhere else, as if he’s been teleported. “Life goes past you,” Tilde had said once, “and you don’t even notice.” Tilde would be right.

- this is a roxy and eggsy friendship centric fic that i abandoned bc i lost my ardor for this world about the same time i got into xmen lmfjgjg. all the king’s horses also had some great fancasts in it with dev patel fancasted too... rip ig

14.

once again, nsfw

Eggsy, truth be told, doesn’t actually like having sex in bathrooms. First of all, bathrooms generally have an unsanitary air about them. Besides that, the granite of the sinks always feel cold against his hips, there is the ever present fear of being walked in on and unlike what people might say, he actually really isn’t that much of an exhibitionist- and truth be told, he’s never liked the look of himself in the mirror mid coitus.

For David Budd, however, he suspects he might be up for anything.

- from do you ever dream of me. im actually proud of this fic and this series, i never usually write straight up porn or friends w benefits and i think it worked well in here. once again didnt get much traction but that was very of the norm for my kingsman fics lmfjgj

15.

It is on his fifth meeting with the therapist on site that she brings the issue up. The elephant in the room- or the bomb , David thinks morbidly. If asked, he can’t remember specifics about that day now. All he remembers is this- the burn of Julia’s picture in his wallet against his thigh, the Botticelli painting on the far wall and Miss Paulson’s face, severe and unsmiling.

“When you couldn’t reach Julia,” she says, after he finishes describing the feeling of running to Julia, the panic searing his chest as he’d prayed for his legs to work faster so he could do something, anything to reach her hand. “How did that make you feel?”

- from your haunted social scene. i genuinely... do not remember anything about this either helpfkjgjg,,, this has 55 comments tho which. Nice

16.

David brings her home on- in a move far too cliche for it to be reality- a stormy night. It’s in fact storming so hard the windowpanes shudder like leaves in the wind, droplets crashing against the glass in a cacophony so loud Eggsy more than once considers turning the radio all the way up to drown it out. He’d gone scrounging for David’s sweatshirts instead of his own halfway through, wincing intermittently at the flashes of thunder. At a particularly loud one JB had jumped up, squeaked in a very undoglike manner and skidded across the floor to cower beneath the sofa, only coming out when coaxed by Eggsy to do so. Officer Oatmeal had watched the proceedings from her regal place by the armchair, dozy eyed and blinking heavily.

- from a cat named lavender. from what i remember this was also my first try at bringing up trans eggsy

17.

He first appears at the black prince on a cold Monday evening, eyes like Frank Sinatra and lips arresting anyone’s gaze if they weren’t careful enough. He stood out too, clad in a respectable bomber jacket and boots that clicked against the tile rhythmically and loudly, a sort of organised, measured cacophony.

“Go and serve him,” Andrew said, fat and disinterested, seated behind the counter and idly flicking through bills, less than ten percent of which he pays Eggsy. “I’m busy.”

- from trust is left in lovers after all. i never continued this which is sad bc this did get a lot of attention... it was just v hard to keep the story going

18.

It usually rains cats and dogs in London but for some reason, the rain is heavier than usual today. The droplets splatter against the windows in a constant buzzing rhythm, the sound meshing together in a melody not altogether pleasant to the ears. It’s half past five and yet the light has to be kept on because that’s how dark the sky has gotten- thunder rolls like a loud crack, abrupt and deafening, causing Daisy to jump in her seat.

“Just a thunderstorm, flower,” Eggsy says. They’re seated at the dinner table, Eggsy going over her homework while David sits opposite them, hunched over his laptop as he attempts to finish a post mission report. Eggsy is half convinced he gave up ten minutes ago- he’s got his earbuds in and he hasn’t really typed anything in a while, eyes focused on the screen. His eyebrows are scrunched up in a glare that’s too adorable for his own good- and for Eggsy’s.

- from could feel like kryptonite. a lot of my kingsman fics are actually so much happier than my cherik ones... i should prob look into that rip

19.

“When you’re done lazing around you can come in, you dozy dog,” he tells Officer Oatmeal, who butts her nose into his knee. She’s the only one not on a diet in the house, Eggsy deeming her far too healthy and skinny to need one anyway. In fact, she’s under strict instructions by Eggsy to fatten up instead.

Once the animals are done feeding- Eggsy sporting a suspicious scratch on his left forearm- they settle down to eat their scrambled eggs and toast. David’s taken a large gulp of his scalding coffee when Eggsy says, all of a sudden, “So, I have a school reunion.”

- from gonna set this dance alight. don’t remember much about this either tbh

20. (the last one FINALLY)

It isn’t a big event or explosion that makes David realise he wants to see his father’s ring sitting pretty on Eggsy’s index finger. No teary confessions in the rain like in the rom coms Eggsy loves to rent out and sniffle his way through, or a fight that makes David see sense. In the end, it’s breakfast that cinches the deal for him.

The day had started out normally enough. David wakes up at eight like clockwork, the soft downy hair at the base of Eggsy’s neck tickling his nose with his arm locked tight around his waist. He’d yawned, exhausted- mostly because they’d stayed up very late into the night making good use of the bed- before standing up and shucking his shirt off to head for the shower. Eggsy had shifted in his sleep, mumbling something unintelligible, and the sight had been too endearing to resist so he’d bent down, pressing a kiss to his forehead and smiling when Eggsy groaned out loud.

- from lover boy rules. i actually started a lot of my kingsman fics in the same way which is rather awful of me. im glad thats changed with my xmen fics lmfjgjk. also this has 15 comments???? i dont even get that much attention with my xmcu fics these days... which is arguably a more active fandom... Hello

anyway that’s the end of it needless to say i do not know 10 other authors so im just gonna tag whoever i know rn: @hellfre , @queerneto, @ikeracity, @drinkingstars, @zebraljb

#whew this is super long i apologise #u can pinpoint the exact time i replaced taron with james as my number one boy #fic tag #fic meme

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