#the next few fic chapters i have to post hurt a lil so i figured some sweetness was in store lol | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

bbugyu · 4 years ago

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how jeonghan knew

a journey with yoon jeonghan, lee seokmin, and you.

there was always something about his infectious laugh and his genuine nature that felt like fate to jeonghan, and maybe you were the muse that kept their red thread in tact.

prelude | part one | part two | part three | epilogue

wc.10662 (LMFAO) | fluff, smut, courtship, angsty in the beginning, polyamory, sugar daddy!jeonghan musician!seokmin escort!reader, hi cheol, hi gyu (again), hi boo, hi wonu, gay pining, jk he's pan probably, discovering sexuality, daddy kink, special guest seokmin!!!!!, threesome, lots of mlm, oral, cumpla, handjobs, choking, butt plugs, male penetration, there's a full on reader-less memberxmember sex scene idk, unprotected sex, please use condoms, jeonghan gets overwhelmed, the TEASING, jeonghan being a home improvement freak, don’t mind han jisung he’s just vibing, required listening is positions (2020) by ariana grande because it’s a perfect album

and here we have poly seokhan: the gayening!!! this is going to be the end of my scheduled updates for neverending artistry, but i’ll be posting an epilogue when i finish it - probably after i post a couple of other fics. this chapter.... is my fave......... i think u will see why lol. i went ahead and got a lil carried away with the house stuff but LISTENNNN i watch a lot of architecture videos ok LFJDSJ

thank you all so much for your continued support and incredible feedback on this series! it seriously means so much to me and i love seeing asks and messages from everyone telling me how excited they are to read more. i hope this satisfies you!!!

jeonghan is pretty sure he always loved seokmin. it wasn't something he would ever be able to change about himself, he figured, as he watched his friend date woman after woman in college with varying seriousness. he decidedly ignored any amount of feelings he harbored for the younger, especially after he dropped architecture as his major and he saw less of him.

jeonghan tried to get over the destined musician (he would always be singing or fiddling with his guitar when he was meant to be helping jeonghan with a diorama) with several women, and after decisively focusing on his career for a couple years, he found success in another man. his short lived gym buddy, but lasted quite a bit longer as his boyfriend. they had connected first when jeonghan had offhandedly commented that he liked the logo on his shirt, to which the long lashed, broad shouldered man had said he had gotten it at the brand's store down the street, making jeonghan chew his cheek before he admitted that he had helped design that location. they connected the second time later that night, clumsily but intensely, and jeonghan liked his plush pouty lips and how his messy black hair felt between his fingers.

while that didn't last forever, he found varied success in other men, and he figured this was why dating women had always been so difficult for him. definitely not that he had been given small choice amongst the rotten apples that attended his college.

he was single again, and at an industry party when he reconnected with an old friend from college who happily reminisced about the fun their small group of friends had back then. he asked if jeonghan remembered seokmin, the guy that dropped the program.

"lee seokmin?" he asked, his brows knitting as he tried to react normally to the name, and mingyu hit his shoulder, laughing.

"yeah! guess what? that son of a bitch is teaching my niece piano!"

jeonghan smiled at the idea of seokmin as a piano teacher, nodding along as mingyu talked about how he had volunteered to take her to her lesson one week, only to be put face to face with a long lost friend. jeonghan laughed as mingyu imitated the face the other had made, laughing harder when he recognized it and remembered seeing it on seokmin's face in the past, then telling mingyu about how he had once pranked him by making the poor guy think that he was going to fail a project because seokmin had accidentally destroyed a diorama. it had already been graded, and he was going to take it apart to save on materials anyways, but the younger nearly cried when he thought he had wasted hours of jeonghan's time and cost him the grade by accidentally kicking it off his desk.

he asked how seokmin was doing these days, and mingyu told him he seemed well, and that he takes his niece to her lessons as often as he can spare, just to chat for a while. "i could give you his number," he said, feeling his pockets for his phone. "i'm sure he'd love to hear from you."

mingyu had been right. seokmin did love hearing from him. and he loved the way seokmin made him laugh with his ever joking tone and physical comedy antics. the way his eyebrows creased as he tried to keep a stern face but was unable to hide the smile across his lips. the way he always fought with him for the check despite jeonghan being older and notably better off.

he didn't love, however, how seokmin nodded his head after the waitress and asked him if he thought he had a shot.

maybe he was desperate, or maybe he wanted an excuse to not date seriously, or maybe he just wasn't ready to let go, but jeonghan continued to invite seokmin out, despite the fact that their relationship would never develop past friends who met in college. he enjoyed his company anyways, even if it felt bittersweet.

he poured himself into his work for several months, taking more contracts than usual and keeping himself occupied, only really seeing others for meetings and constructions, or when he was depressed on a friday night and caved, asking seokmin to join him for drinks somewhere. he continued this cycle for too long, his personal assistant noticing his mood changes before most.

"are you taking your vitamins?"

"yes, seungkwan, i'm taking my vitamins," jeonghan bit back, fully aware that he wasn't asking about vitamins at all, but about his state. confirming he was still making an effort to take care of himself rather than spiraling, sat in his living room on a tuesday after being told by a doctor to rest, for god's sake as a solution to him nearly collapsing several hours earlier. seungkwan shifted on his feet, tongue running over his teeth as he stared at the architect, hands folded in front of him.

"you need to stop seeing him. it only hurts you."

jeonghan sighed, staring at the black screen of his television. "i know."

his assistant studied him. "you should come out with the team sometime," he said. "we get drinks on wednesdays, usually. come tomorrow, it could take your mind off things."

jeonghan looked up at seungkwan, who was clearly sucking on his cheek. he knew he was right. more importantly, seungkwan knew he knew, but jeonghan had a hard time wanting to take his mind off this one specific thing, considering the way this one specific thing laughed like a hyena, poured himself over a piano like an ocean wave, and sang along like an angel. his head fell back on the couch, and he had to take a long, conscious breath to lower the ringing in his ears at the silence. "i'll be there next time."

seungkwan exhaled in defeat, eyes flickering around as he excused himself and said goodnight, knowing his boss was lying.

jeonghan found you on accident - put in an uncomfortable corner by an ultimatum from his publicist and the circulating rumor that he sleeps with men because he can't keep a woman around that seemed to pile on top of everything else on his plate - and the second you opened your mouth, he knew you were special.

he remembered the profile he had seen from your broker, and knew you were attending university. he asked you your major, and when you told him you wanted to produce music for a living, something deep in him stirred. you had been sitting in his car for all of twenty minutes, and you nearly had him under your spell already.

he couldn't understand his fascination with you, but he continued to book you for dates, sometimes deciding what event he would be attending by asking what day you were available that week. he figured if he needed to prove to the world that he wasn't gay (which he was, he was pretty sure), you were the only one he was interested in doing it with.

maybe he had a thing for musicians.

he had taken out quite a few escorts before you, but none of them were nearly as fun. you always did an incredible job engaging in whatever event he brought you to, but also hit his chest as you tried to stifle a laugh at something he muttered into your ear, guiding you away. his friends liked you, too, the few he had. the ones that had met you. yongsun had even tugged him aside briefly, asking if he really liked you. you seemed nice, she had said. and good, in general, but also for him. she wanted to make sure he wasn't just leading you along to quiet some stupid rumor. he glanced at you, smiling wide as you excitedly discussed music with one of his other friends (the fifth and last person he liked at this event, the two of you included), and wasn't quite sure why he told her he actually liked you, but didn't feel the need to correct himself.

then you told him you were quitting, and he realized what he would be losing. then you kissed him, and he realized what he had been feeling. then you looked at him with wide eyes, just as shocked as he was by the explosion of fireworks you had both just experienced, and he realized what he had been missing out on all this time.

he figured he must have always loved you as his eyes scanned the hotel bar, confused at how you had managed to get away so quickly. he was running into the hall to see if you had escaped to the lobby when someone caught his arm.

"hey, you seen yongsun?"

jeonghan blinked at his blonde friend, recognizing her play. "have you seen y/n?"

"try the bathroom," she said, throwing a thumb over her shoulder in the direction she had come from.

he looked down the hall at the restroom signs, nodding. "i saw her at the chocolate fountain a minute ago."

byulyi patted his shoulder as she walked past him. "good luck, yoon."

it felt good telling you the truth, while sitting in your well organized and tastefully decorated studio apartment that you had insisted he would hate, even if he was too scared to admit all of it. why he had needed you before, but wanted you now. his heart nearly beat out of his chest when you agreed to his conditions, though he recognized that he had given you just about every advantage in the deal. it would have been near impossible for you to say no, especially after the way you had kissed him before someone had finally tried to enter the bathroom you were hiding in.

for a while, he only kissed you as a farewell, mostly because he enjoyed the old school romanticism of kissing a beautiful woman in the moonlight, her back against the passenger door of his black vehicle parked on the street outside her studio apartment. then, when he had invited you to his home after the two of you had ditched a boring dinner several hours early, you had curled up in his side to watch a movie. at some point, he caught you staring at him, and you put a hand on his cheek and kissed him sweetly. slowly. kissed him in a way that only made him crave more. you smiled, settling back into his side for the rest of the movie, and even though you had done it unconsciously, the back of your hand rested against his thigh in a way he had a hard time ignoring, and he decided he must have just had real shit taste in women before he had met you.

the following sunday, when you mentioned how pitch black the sky seemed at that late hour, having gotten caught up binging some drama, he not-so-vaguely hinted that he'd be okay with you spending the night in his bed. you eyed him, and he shrugged playfully.

"or i have guest rooms. up to you."

"i have class tomorrow," you tested.

"i can take you," he responded. "if you want."

you paused, watching him as he recorked the wine bottle the two of you had opened earlier in the evening but only managed to have one glass of each before abandoning it to cuddle on the couch. he was always so thoughtful, even in his teasing. he cared about your comfort. he wanted to maintain your boundaries. but it had been a really long time since you had gotten laid, and everything in you yearned to say yes. jeonghan's voice in your head reminded you, no expectations. this could be whatever you wanted out of it.

so you went to bed with him.

jeonghan would swear up and down that you were the most beautiful woman in the world, and his beliefs were only confirmed when he pulled your shirt off of you, dragging your pants down your legs, and got a real look at you for the first time. you felt unexplainably embarrassed under his gaze, asking if he was okay.

"yeah," he said breathlessly, a hand running up your side, your back arching slightly to his touch. he curled over you before he whispered "god, yeah, i'm more than okay," against your lips.

not even ten minutes had passed before you told him you loved him between your panting, and he was so ecstatic when he could tell you, wholly and truthfully, that he loved you, too. and after your pulses had died down and you were falling asleep in his arms, he said that if you were staying under his roof, you were not allowed in any guest rooms. that if you needed space, he would find a different bed to sleep in, because this one looked best with you in it, and he refused to have it any other way.

jeonghan never got bored with you. over time, you began going to his place after events and dinners more than he dropped you off at your apartment, becoming an often enough occurrence that he had asked you one night to fill an online shopping cart with clothes for you to keep in his closet, so you could stop this silly packing bags nonsense. he had already bought you a full set of toiletries for his bathroom, started keeping your favorite snacks in the pantry, and even gone as far as to buy you the house slippers you had offhandedly said were cute when the two of you wandered aimlessly around a mall together. you were becoming a part of his home in more ways than one, and he was happy to have you.

he offered you an unused office on the second floor when you started studying for finals on the peninsula of his kitchen counter one monday afternoon, and you asked what was wrong with you doing it where you were.

"because you're not going to clean it up," he pointed out.

"maybe if we had a rewards system," you argued. "if i clean up, i get a prize."

he laughed, rounding the small jut of countertop, thinking about how he would probably need a proper kitchen island if you were going to be sticking around. "just because i give you an allowance, doesn't mean you're a child. you're not supposed to focus on the baby part of sugar baby."

you pouted as you turned on the stool to face him, a hand gently tugging his tie to pull him into you. "what if i focus on the daddy part of sugar daddy?"

a hunger dropped in jeonghan, gazing down at you as you sat at his kitchen counter, surrounded by textbooks and notes. your eyes sparkled under the lights, and his fingers went behind your neck before he kissed you, muttering against your lips to try calling him that again, angel.

the kitchen remodel had gone about as smoothly as it could have, given the fact that it was nearly impossible to transport such a large slab of granite for his dream island without it snapping in half from its own weight, but they managed, and when the light fixture finally turned on for the first time after the new cabinet doors had been installed, he felt justified in remodeling a kitchen that had hardly needed updating. he felt even more justified when he came downstairs to find you, having woken up in an empty bed, only to have you yell at him as you flipped pancakes on the griddle of his new gas range, saying you were going to bring him breakfast in bed and if he didn't cooperate, he wouldn't see you for a week. he laughed at your threatening spatula, putting his hands up in surrender, unable to stop smiling as he made his way back up the stairs.

you had enrolled in online courses for your last year of school, mostly so you didn't have to be anywhere specific for several hours every day, and instead could keep your schedule massively open to cater to jeonghan's needs. this also meant you usually attended your afternoon lectures at his home, waiting for him to get off work and distract you.

then the two of you started attended wednesday drinks with the team. seungkwan had thanked you, though you hadn't realized that you were deserving of a thanks.

"he'll tell you when he wants to, i guess," he said, twirling the beer in his hand. "but he wasn't in a great place before he met you."

you could hear the subject of your exchange laughing further down the bar, and you wondered what kind of place he meant, but tapped your glass against seungkwan's instead of asking the question. "to better places."

he chuckled, bringing the beer to his lips. "cheers to that."

jeonghan enjoyed having you on his lap on the couch, listening to whatever r&b record you had chosen as you worked your lips against his. he nudged several kisses down your neck, and you mentioned offhandedly that there was a perfect place in his living room for a bar, pointing at the wall behind him. he pulled away from you, turning his body with an arm over the back of the sofa, and his head cocked as he stared at the wall that only held a painting. he silently agreed with you, wondering why you seemed to inspire all his recent projects as you nipped at his neck, drawing his attention back to you with a smile on his face.

the bar was finished in time to hire a bartender for a halloween party. he hadn't told the guests that it was an anniversary party, but you had been made aware of the secret arrangement during a conversation the two of you had over a private meal in your favorite restaurant the week before.

"a threesome," you asked, hoping for clarification.

"with a guy, preferably," jeonghan said. "but i could be convinced to approve of a girl if that's what you would like."

"you're being serious?" you seemed to find yourself asking him that a lot. every time he suggested something that he knew you wanted, you wondered if he was pulling your leg. "and you want me to choose?"

"yeah, at the party," he said, watching you shake your head incredulously with a smile on his face. the two of you had discussed the possibility in the past, and he thought it made a fun gift. an unexpected one, from someone who had enough money to comfortably gift you just about anything. "i have to approve, obviously, but you get to pick the candidates."

you thought a moment. "what if we can't agree on anyone?"

"then i take you to bed alone and we have fun anyways."

he laughed when you squinted at him.

"if the opportunity comes up down the line, we can try again later," he said. "but i thought this would give you something fun to do while i'm hosting guests."

and it had, as you sneakily scoped out the guests, flitting around the party of both familiar and unfamiliar faces in your angelic cheerleading costume. visiting and laughing heartily with the team, as well as your uni friends that jeonghan insisted you invite, offering them more drinks, then saying something about having to play hostess so you could continue your search. byulyi and yongsun were there, and you complimented their matching rapunzel and flynn get up, jeonghan catching you for just a second to ask if you needed anything.

you settled in on one target perhaps too quickly, without even really having made an effort to see all the options. you had been struck by the same sharp cheekbones, puppy dog eyes, and crooked smile that jeonghan had once fallen for. when he saw you tucked into lee seokmin's side, recognizing your flirting even from a distance and noticing how receptive the musician was to it, his heart fluttered, and he couldn't tell if it was a good or bad thing.

a good thing, he decided, when seokmin had asked him permission before he came in you. because, seemingly, sexuality was much more of a spectrum than jeonghan had once thought, and perhaps his college crush just needed the encouragement of an incredible woman to try something a little beyond his experience, much like he had.

and when you wouldn't stop mentioning the musician the two of you had enjoyed the company of while schmoozing guests at the opening of him and his friend's collaborative art exhibit, he got a slick idea. on the way home, he told you that you weren't allowed to make a noise until he hung up the phone, but you were already writhing in the passenger seat just as the phone rang.

and when he answered, you clamped a hand over your mouth, a bare foot landing on the dashboard as you tried to grind against jeonghan's hand, his voice steady as he talked to the younger.

and when he mentioned you, your walls pulsed around his fingers, a smile finding its way into his lips as he spoke. he tried not to take too much pleasure in the way you looked at him with begging eyes and your fist between your teeth, or in the way seokmin's tone dropped as he confirmed that he would get a cab, but he truly couldn't help himself when he made eye contact with seokmin as you sucked him off, his hips canting into yours recklessly, forcing seokmin to break the contact as he reacted to your moan on his cock.

he noticed the way seokmin's hips began to move on their own, begging for enough control to chase his nearing high in your mouth but having it brought right to his doorstep instead. jeonghan felt your perfect heat cling to him in reaction, and before he could think to stop himself, he pulled you into his chest by your throat, not daring to let you claim it all as he lapped cum from your mouth. you whimpered against him, your orgasm lasting impossibly long as he fucked into you, getting milked by your needy walls.

when he caught seokmin staring directly at him, he grinned and wiped the back of his hand across his chin and lower lip, languidly licking any escaped cum off it, and asked if he wanted to try his, too.

seokmin agreed, nodding shakily before jeonghan massaged at your sides, pumping himself into you a few more times. he told you to give seokmin's mouth a ride. you groaned, his cum dripping down your thighs.

jeonghan watched the younger's cock twitch as you moaned over him, one hand on the wall and the other on his scalp, his fingers digging into your thighs. he stared at how it never lost hardness. he didn't even realize that his hands were on seokmin's hip and thigh before he even asked if he could touch him, but a large hand left your thigh to shakily bring jeonghan's to his thick cock, answering the question despite you occupying his mouth, his fingers lingering over jeonghan's as he pumped his length.

he couldn't deny that how badly he wanted to fuck seokmin, but he could settle for making him cum in his hands until he was ready for something more, especially with the surprising amount he had to give after already having cum once. he let himself indulge in a single lick across seokmin's sensitive slit - though it was hard to stop there - triggering a garbled moan before he left to shower.

a week or so later, jeonghan asked you if you were interested in dating seokmin. you put your phone down and rolled over in bed, propped up on your elbows as you asked him what he meant.

"i love you," jeonghan assured, pulling you to lay closer to him. "and i can tell you like him."

you studied his face. "but i'm with you."

"that doesn't have to stop," he said, smiling at you as he tucked a hand behind his head. you eyed his arm briefly, then refocused on him. "but you know how things get in the winter, and i would be okay with you trying things out with him while i'm busy."

"you're being serious?"

jeonghan laughed at the familiar question. "yes, y/n, i'm being serious. i know you want me, but i also know you want more than me."

you had never told anyone about your desire for multiple partners, not even admitted it out loud to yourself, so his candid assessment caught you off guard. "how did you-"

"just little things you've said," he teased, leaving you to question how much you had revealed about yourself without realizing. "besides, no one can deny the chemistry."

you paused. "boundaries?"

"just tell me," he said, putting his arms around you and tugging you into him. "i just want to know when you're seeing him. and, eventually, i would like to be invited every once in a while."

"invited to dates?" you asked, throwing a leg over his lap to straddle it as you laid over him. "or invited to bed?"

he smiled up at you, hands running over your rear. "either. both. whatever you two want."

you agreed, but only after you made him promise he would tell you if anything changed for him. that he had to tell you about every doubt and worry he had. "i'll always choose you," you stated plainly, lips brushing against his as he gently rolled his growing length up against your clothed heat. "no matter what, i'll choose you."

"i know, sweetheart," he said, a hand on your cheek as he kissed you. "i promise."

after he came back from a business trip in december, you admitted to him that you and seokmin had exchanged i love yous, and he just put an arm over your shoulder and turned down the volume on the tv, telling you that he was pretty sure he loved seokmin, too.

"it was him, wasn't it?" you asked, studying his profile. "he was the guy you couldn't get over?"

jeonghan rubbed his face with one hand, sighing. "yeah, it was him."

"why didn't you say anything?"

he thought a moment. "i didn't want you to feel obligated, i guess."

your fingers straightened the seams of his long sleeved shirt across his shoulder. "obligated to win him over for you?"

"obligated to love him, too."

"jokes on you," you giggled. "he's very easy to fall in love with."

jeonghan supposed that was true, thinking of how quickly he had fallen for him, even back before he had admitted he liked men. how he had fallen into the same spot even years later, just over a shared meal and a few bottles of soju.

but you were easy to fall in love with too, he thought, remembering how he hadn't even understood his feelings towards you until you had kissed him, but he had felt them strong enough to want you to stay by his side anyways. maybe jeonghan just fell easily, but maybe he was lucky enough to have found his people at such a young age.

you settled back into the crook of his arm and asked him what he thought about seokmin coming over to join you two for christmas. while much of the world celebrated with family, it was more of a hallmark holiday in korea, often times spent with a long time sweetheart or a budding romance. or both, in your case, jeonghan supposed, when you were distracted trying to find the third christmas music lp you had specifically gotten for the occasion (out of eight, of course, because you didn't want to run out of christmas music). he was leaning against the tasteful home bar that had been hardly touched since halloween when seokmin shyly admitted that he knew jeonghan was interested in him.

he said nothing for a moment. "she told you?"

"kind of, back when you were in japan, but-" seokmin paused. "i think she was just suspicious, but i should have known. you were always too kind to me."

"not too kind," jeonghan said, hiding behind his wine as he sipped at it, trying not to show his embarrassment.

"i think i'm interested, too."

he looked at seokmin, who was staring down at his hands. "are you sure?"

"i'm-" he paused, catching jeonghan's eyes for only a second before scratching the back of his neck. "i think so. i've never even thought about doing anything with - uh - men. until you."

"that's okay," jeonghan said, looking to where you were flipping through records. "i didn't like women until y/n."

seokmin faltered. "wait, really?"

he nodded, a small smile on his face. "i thought i was gay. turns out i'm not."

"but you-" the musician stretched his jaw. "weren't you kind of a player in college?"

he almost said something about how having sex to meet an end and keep an appearance was different than enjoying it, but stopped himself when you announced that you had found the lost record, switching the lps with a flourish and setting the player again. and while he was curious about the level of seokmin's interest in him, he was happy to leave the conversation where it stood when you excitedly rejoined them at the bar.

"do you think i could be a bartender?" you asked, leaning over the counter and grabbing an unused shaker.

"probably," seokmin said.

"for sure no," jeonghan laughed.

you pouted at the latter, holding the shaker between your hands as you directed your attention to the former. "thank you, seokmin. i appreciate you encouraging my dreams."

"any time," he joked.

jeonghan rolled his eyes. "what about that music degree i'm paying for?" he asked, taking another sip.

"just because you've known what you wanted to do forever, doesn't mean everyone does. maybe i'll change my mind." you tried to spin the shaker in your hand, but the force you used was too little and it stopped on your palm too quickly, clumsily clattering to the counter. you stilled it, exhaling sharply when jeonghan giggled beside you, looking to seokmin. "he might be right."

"it's almost like i know you," jeonghan teased, nudging you. "she was convinced she could become my personal bartender for all of two weeks."

"i tried," you whined. seokmin laughed. "the tricks are harder than they look."

"and you hated shaking drinks."

you put the shaker back, defeated. "the ice made it cold."

"isn't that the point?" seokmin asked.

jeonghan smiled at you. "you're lucky i like wine."

"i'm gonna talk to you now," you announced, turning your body to seokmin. "because you're nicer to me than he is."

"aw," the architect chuckled, and seokmin watched you react to a squeeze at your butt. "did he make you soft? can't take my teasing anymore?"

you ignored him, trying to ask the man in front of you about his lessons, but you yelped when his hand firmly landed on your ass, grabbing seokmin's arm in reaction. he looked at you, seemingly just as shocked, and you tried to continue the conversation, but jeonghan's hand didn't leave, and your entire body was reacting to the way it was slowly hiking up your skirt and running between your thighs.

your eyes fell shut, and you muttered for him to cut it out as your grip on seokmin's arm tightened, but jeonghan just made eye contact with the other male, asking him instead if he should.

without thinking, seokmin shook his head and put his hands on your jaw, pulling you in to kiss him. your moan against his lips was involuntary, and jeonghan grinned as his fingers ran over your core, making you whine.

"did you tell him?" you gasped out, asking seokmin with hooded eyes. he shook his head, saying that he hadn't told him everything.

"told me what?" jeonghan asked, interest piqued as he put down his glass, pulling his hand out from your skirt and placing them on your hips instead, squeezing gently as he stood behind you, and your head fell back into his shoulder without much intention as you licked your lips. "seokmin?"

he pulled his gaze, trained on your mouth, to look at jeonghan, and he felt his breath stop in his throat as he fully processed the sight in front of him. you gasped again, as jeonghan's hand came up to knead at your breast, and you tried to pull seokmin closer, but he didn't stop moving even when he was pressed against you.

jeonghan thought he might faint. he wasn't sure what he had been expecting, but when seokmin's hand found the back of his neck and pulled him over your shoulder, his mind went blank. when his lips found his, his vision went white. when he felt his tongue against the inside of his teeth, he couldn't help but moan, one hand gripping your waist and the other aimlessly tugging on seokmin's shirt, seemingly just to hold something that belonged to him.

"fuck, okay," jeonghan breathed, staring after the musicians lips even when they left. you giggled, recognizing the feeling. "okay," he repeated. "got it. understood."

you spun around, hands on jeonghan's chest. "we prepared something for you," you said, and seokmin's cheeks and ears were bright red when he sheepishly nodded with you.

jeonghan looked between the two of you, swallowing suddenly. "what?"

you tugged on his hand, then grabbed seokmin's, too, when he didn't move right away, leading them both to walk around the couch. you pulled jeonghan onto the cushions with you, kissing him briefly before he realized someone was between his knees. when he saw him, that was when jeonghan's dick woke up, suddenly realizing what was happening.

"be nice," you muttered against the shell of his ear, your hand running down his torso. "it's his first time."

seokmin's hands were strong but gentle, and despite never having touched a dick that wasn't attached to him, he knew what felt good. he needed a bit of guidance from you to begin, less from lack of knowing the process and more because he was nervous, but quickly found a comfortable rhythm. jeonghan sighed when he finally got pulled out of his pants, and you were sucking a mark into his neck, his arm wrapped around you and his hand kneading at your rear. his eyes could hardly stay open when seokmin ran his flattened tongue up the underside of his cock.

"isn't he pretty?" you asked, whispering, a smile on your lips.

he groaned, threading his fingers behind seokmin's ear, desperately trying to hold back his release because he hasn't even put you in his mouth, yet, jeonghan, for god's sake, keep it together. the younger's eyes flickered up to his, and he nearly came just from the feeling of his soft lips around his member, sinking slowly.

"fuck, you're too good at this," jeonghan said, the half chuckle on his lips falling quickly when seokmin's tongue ran over a vein, the warmth of his mouth feeling like heaven. his teeth bit down on his lower lip, watching your hand run through seokmin's hair. he hummed at the contact, his grip tightening slightly, sending a jolt through jeonghan's system. "fuck, i'm gonna cum already."

"there were lessons," you giggled, your hands wrapping casually around his neck. his breathing hitched, eyes falling shut, focusing on the mouth sheathing his cock as he recognized your fidgeting fingers over his pulse. "merry christmas, daddy."

he inhaled sharply right before you squeezed at his throat, and he thought that he should maybe let you lead more often if it was going to feel this good. seokmin seemed surprised by the feeling of jeonghan cumming in his mouth, but he did his best to pump every drop from him, swallowing thickly. you only smiled when jeonghan sat up, leaving you behind as he pulled seokmin's face to his, his hands running up jeonghan's thighs as he kissed him.

jeonghan decided the sunroom extension was all wrong, and that he'd have to redo it.

"you just built that," wonwoo said, having been the contractor that oversaw the construction. "besides, it's snowy season, we can't do outdoor construction. you'll have to wait til spring."

"not outdoor," jeonghan said, rolling out the drafting papers he had drawn up over the course of his new year break, the final pieces being completed in the wee hours of that morning. he had sent wonwoo a text as soon as he thought he would be awake, asking for a meeting despite it only being two days after the new year. "the shell can stay the same, we just need to build indoors. besides, i need this done in february."

wonwoo blinked at him. "when in february?"

"it has to be fully furnished by the 18th."

the contractor laughed at the deadline, only a month and a half out, as he looked over jeonghan's drafts. it would be a tight schedule, considering the structural changes he wanted, but he recognized his long time work partner's determination and knew there was little he could do to argue. "okay. let's get to work."

he turned down a contract for a café to make time for the new home project, but not before recommending they contact a kim mingyu, giving him the vaguest thank you for introducing seokmin back into his life. he didn't have time to draw several attempted variations of every café he had ever designed, he was too busy mapping out the logistics of adding a lofted space to the two story sunroom. too busy planning to tear out the outer wall of your office and picking the right sliding glass doors that would lead to the loft. you had to ask him several days in a row before he finally told you what he had planned.

"a music room?"

he tried to gauge your reaction. "is it crazy?"

you broke out into a smile, studying his design, gripping the mug that held your latté that morning. "absolutely, but i love it."

he asked you to help him pick instruments, saying his wishlist included a white grand piano and three to five guitars that could be displayed together. he also told you to pick out your dream computer setup for production - you were graduating that year, afterall, and it was about time you started using something other than your laptop and a midi controller to make music - and you almost started crying from how fucking excited that made you.

hiding the plans from seokmin was the hardest part, especially when he started spending weekends at the house. he saw the construction area often, and one friday afternoon, he had even asked if he could help, leaving you to usher him away and assure him that jeonghan didn't like help when it came to these things. he believed the white lie, allowing you to distract him with the option of watching shit television in bed, even convincing him that tonight was the night to surprise his new boyfriend. seokmin laid in bed with his arms wrapped around you, trying not to move too much, fully aware that even the slightest movements in his body caused his dick to come to life, until the last of the workers left and jeonghan appeared, asking if there were dinner requests before he went to take a shower.

seokmin had been training with you for over a week. you had bought him some toys, even helped him try them out in the comfort of his loft, and he got increasingly excited - generally, but also in those moments - to show jeonghan what he had learned. the surprise he had been keeping had already made him beg you to cockwarm him as he waited, but you refused on account of knowing him, and by extension, knowing that he would not being able to stop himself. he had a bit more confidence, though it may have only been fueled by horniness, when he pulled the vaguely sweaty architect toward him on the bed. he tried to say something about how he should really wash up, but seokmin just kissed him, hands gripping around his skull in desperation, his dick already hard against jeonghan's pelvis.

jeonghan's hands wandered, as they usually did, and when he reached down to palm at seokmin's ass, he reacted in a way that earned him a questioning glance.

"we - ah-" his eyes shut, jeonghan's hands getting closer to his surprise. "she's been helping me-"

and that was when he felt it. the small, hard handle of a plug, situated between seokmin's perky asscheeks, easy to feel through the loose fabric of his shorts, and jeonghan felt his arousal tenting his pants just from the concept.

jeonghan hadn't even noticed your movement off the bed until a bottle of lube hit his leg, looking down at it briefly before looking to you.

"i'm gonna go clean up," you said, running a hand through your hair as you retreated to the bathroom, leaving jeonghan with an already flustered seokmin.

before long, he had him on his back, naked, and finally got to see how sweet his little ass looked when jeonghan pushed his knees towards his chest. when he saw the black knob fitting tightly into his hole, he groaned, his own bare cock flinching in need. he put a hand on seokmin's dick, gripping it lightly, then put a thumb against the plug.

"nngh- fuck," seokmin stammered, fingers gripping at the bedsheets as his neck stretched out against the pillows, bucking into the hand wrapped around him. "j-jeonghan…"

"this is cute," he said, slowly moving his thumb in a circular motion, the plug's movement making seokmin let out choked moans. "but i really need to play with you now."

seokmin nodded, hurriedly, brows knit together. "please."

he hooked his fingers under the knob of the plug, slowly pulling it out and relishing in the reaction. the younger's back arched in a way that jeonghan wished he could see from every angle, knowing that the way his shoulders and back looked must have been incredible, but satisfied by just watching the way his mouth hung open and his eyes clamped shut, his fingers gripping at jeonghan's hand where it stayed on his dick.

he began to pump the dick in his palm, setting aside the plug and grabbing the lube, popping it open with just his left hand and quickly squirting a healthy amount onto the tip of seokmin's penis, making quick work of spreading it completely over the engorged member, the slickness making him moan even louder and reach out for jeonghan's shoulders.

he let seokmin tug him over him, kissing him briefly before looking down at where the younger's thighs spread over his, wanting nothing more than to just fuck him already.

jeonghan's hand left seokmin's cock, leaving him whining against his lips, but it was short lived as his lubed fingers slid down to his puckered hole.

"seokmin," he muttered, studying his face. "you're sure, right?"

"fuck, i've been wanting this for since christmas, jeonghan," he sputtered out, eyes barely able to focus when there were fingers teasing his entrance. "yes, please, i'm sure."

jeonghan slid a digit into the tight hole, watching seokmin's face as his brows creased and his head fell back, a moan tumbling from his lips. another finger, jeonghan decided, and the reaction was similar, making him smirk.

"god, you're ready, aren't you?"

"please," he begged. "i want you."

jeonghan sat back, and the musician got on his elbows to watch as he readied his cock with lube, putting more on his finger and spreading it around seokmin's hole. he whined when jeonghan placed the head of his dick at his entrance, tugging him over him again.

"i'll go slow, okay?" jeonghan assured him. "tell me if i need to stop."

seokmin just nodded, eyes trained on his, and they locked lips as jeonghan pushed his hips forward slowly, the man under him immediately moaning and huffing against his mouth.

jeonghan really liked sex with seokmin. he also really liked sex with you. but he was pretty sure he liked it the most when you were both present.

seokmin didn't walk right for a day and a half, and while he was slightly embarrassed, you told him it was a badge of honor he should wear proudly. afterall, he had done the same to you on halloween.

"how's your butt?" you asked when he came down the stairs, the sunday morning after they had done the deed without you, making him choke out a laugh as you got his tea out of a cabinet in jeonghan's kitchen.

"better than yesterday," he said, gingerly seating himself at a stool. "but not as good as friday."

you eyed him. "before or during?"

seokmin thought a second. "both."

"good morning," jeonghan said, quickly planting kisses on the man and then you, cheek and lips respectively based on the convenience as he walked past you, making his way to the espresso machine. "i think i'm gonna work on the sunroom today."

"today?" you asked. "wonwoo's gonna say no."

"wonwoo isn't getting invited. i still have to find furniture," he said, rinsing out the espresso shot glass and wiping down the portafilter. "we're getting close to deadline, i need boo to order the upholstery job on tuesday and i have a meeting tomorrow."

"when's deadline?" seokmin asked, wondering why he had one for a home project.

jeonghan blinked at the wall, not even turning towards the younger. "don't worry your pretty head about it."

you pouted, closing the short distance and wrapping your arms around him, your chin on his shoulder. "it's sunday. can't we cuddled puddle?"

"you mean like we do every night?" jeonghan asked, but grinding espresso beans so you couldn't answer the rhetorical question, packing down the grounds. "if you want to cuddle puddle, don't get out of bed so early."

you huffed as you dropped your arms, leaving him to prep a glass for his americano. "whatever. seokmin and i will have fun without you."

"what kind of fun?"

you stick your tongue out at him, using a teasing voice when you said "wouldn't you like to know."

innocent fun, was the truth, but you thought it was a victimless bluff. you spent the morning sitting on the couch with seokmin while a record played, discussing everything from your favorite movies to your weirdest dreams. you had to get up every six songs or so to flip or change the record, but seokmin liked that every time you rejoined him on the couch, you got closer to his side until you were eventually snuggling into his side, arms wrapped around his torso.

the innocence stopped when jeonghan emerged from his study, joining the two of you for a break. he planted himself on the other side of seokmin, under his arm, letting his hand not-so-subtly run over his thigh. you noticed the contact, peeking around to jeonghan.

"what kind of break are you looking for, hannie?"

he adjusted. "an inspiring one."

you giggled, recognizing the euphemism he used whenever he was stuck on something for work as you leaned back again. "that means he's horny."

seokmin sputtered out a laugh, jeonghan chuckling at your direct observation. "it's hard to not think about you two sitting out here, having fun without me."

"you may not believe it," seokmin said. "but i don't think sex was even on the table for us two today."

jeonghan's eyes met his, and he swallowed harshly. "can it be on the table for all three of us?"

the comfort of returning to bed was hard to deny, especially when they had you laid out against seokmin's chest as he was pressed against the headboard, his mouth attached to your neck and his fingers twisting a nipple, all while jeonghan was digging his digits further into you with his tongue flicking against your clit.

seokmin grunted, rutting his hips against your back. "fuck, he looks good there."

you gasped, nodding, biting at your lip as he kneaded your breast, your fingers digging into jeonghan's hair. "you both do."

jeonghan never struggled to pull you apart, his deft fingers and teasing lips making you squirm and moan until you were shaking, mouth hanging open as your vision blurred and he told you you tasted like candy.

"minnie," jeonghan prompted, making the younger sit up with you whining against him to clean your taste off his fingers. his dick throbbed in need, watching the singer's agile tongue against him, wishing it wasn't just on his fingers.

seokmin had to practically beg jeonghan to fuck him again, but his only hesitation was that he may not have recovered yet. seokmin was on his back and gripped at jeonghan's thighs, urging him forward as your hand twisted around his thick, throbbing cock.

jeonghan swallowed, pausing despite being covered in lube and in position. "you're sure?"

"yes," seokmin said, gasping at your hand on him. "jeonghan, i appreciate you asking, but i'm always sure when it comes to you."

you weren't sure you had ever seen jeonghan blush like that in bed, and you smiled against seokmin's neck as he groaned, his cock firming in your grasp as the older pushed into him. you admired seokmin's silent scream, his head lolling to one side at the feeling.

"angel," jeonghan sighed, settling into the way seokmin squeezed around him. "what do you wanna do?"

you teased a thumb over seokmin's slit. "i wanna ride."

"f-fuuck-" seokmin panted, his hips resting against jeonghan's spread thighs as his knees hung to either side. "i'm not- nngh- gonna last."

"you don't have to," you said matter of factly, adjusting to straddle his torso. jeonghan winced, watching your form as he pumped into seokmin. "we're done when daddy says so."

you put your hand, palm up, over your shoulder, and jeonghan chuckled at the recognized motion for him to spit on your fingers - usually, so that you could slick his dick to sit back on it. you worked jeonghan's spit over seokmin's engorged cock, then slowly lowered yourself onto him.

seokmin stared up at you, eyes fluttering and mouth open, suddenly not only feeling impossibly full, but also absolutely stuffed into you. he moaned out loud when jeonghan bumped into his spot, overwhelmed by the simultaneous pleasure. you fell forward onto his chest, holding yourself up with shaky arms as your face hovered over his, both of you trying to hold off your own demises.

then, jeonghan pushed himself deep into seokmin, who whined, his dick pushing up against your cervix. you nearly collapsed, whimpering as your forehead fell to his, gasping into a desperate kiss. jeonghan groaned, his hand running over your hip as he looked at the intersection of you all, staring at the way you barely contained all of seokmin before he leaned forward and kissed your spine.

"you two will kill me," he said, one hand holding you firmly at your waist while the other gripped seokmin's thigh as he picked up his pace. you both moaned, fingernails digging into the plushest part of your thigh when seokmin questioned how much longer he could hold out at jeonghan's unrelenting pace.

a long, high pitched whine fell from his lips. "fuck, i need to cum," he rushed out, bleary eyes barely opening as he looked at you.

"hang on, baby," jeonghan said. "ladies first."

you babbled against seokmin's lips, somehow never being able to get used to the way he filled you, though jeonghan pushing him into you didn't help. you could do nothing but repeat curses in increasing pitch, pushing your face into seokmin's neck as your walls clamped down around him. his mouth gaped, desperately trying to not succumb to your plush insides before he got the okay.

jeonghan smiled at how seokmin tried to focus on him, despite his hands gripping you as you shook against him. "go ahead, baby."

so seokmin went. and god, he went, coating you internally, immediately squeezing out around his stuffed cock and onto his lap, making jeonghan pant as he kept his hips moving, chasing his own end. he leaned forward, chest pressing against your back as he fucked into seokmin, not stopping until his eyes were clamped shut and he was painting his walls white.

there was a long period of time where none of you moved, then another after you had all managed to untangle from each other. jeonghan sat back, leaning against a hand and scratching his brow as he breathed heavily.

"bathtub cuddle puddle?"

you laughed, chest heaving as you looked over to him, but it was seokmin who spoke. "that sounds nice."

he started to get suspicious when his birthday got closer.

jeonghan told you to suggest a dinner outing for that night to divert attention, but he had caught you moving one of the guitars for the music room only a few days before his birthday, and he looked at you with squinted eyes when he asked if it was for him and you hurriedly said no, hiding the guitar behind your back despite him clearly being able to see it.

"i panicked," you told jeonghan, eyes wide. "he saw it in me. he could tell it wasn't just the guitar."

"it'll be fine, y/n," he said, pushing around potted plants until they satisfied him. "he has to think it's weird that we haven't let him see this room yet, anyways."

you chewed your cheek, looking around the almost completed sunroom. the tall windows showed the light snowflakes falling from the sky, not quite thick enough to leave a layer but enough to make the enclosed yard look slightly pastel. despite the open space that looked out into the cold seoul winter, it stayed cozy, heat radiating from the floorboards and the faux fur rugs laid across them. the space near the entrance had a raised floor with a grand piano, along with several guitars hanging upon the wall, while the area partially covered by the balcony had two heavily cushioned, dark heather gray couches and a bright armchair, adorned with pillows and cable knit blankets.

jeonghan had a slight obsessive nature when it came to his home projects. he was meticulous with contracts, too, but he truly wanted this house to be perfect - not just for him, but for the people he loved. so you watched him rearrange pillows about four more times before you ran up the stairs to the loft to see if he had changed anything there since you had looked the day before.

it almost felt as though it was outdoors, with plants hanging off the edge of the railing and the rustic desk he had originally picked for your office placed to one side. you imagined doing schoolwork here, fantasizing slightly about watching seokmin play piano from your vantage point as you wrote essays. you slid open the glass doors to peek into your new office.

he had painted the walls white, taking a hint from the styling in your own apartment when he picked out a neutral toned couch and light wood shelving, your early graduation present of a computer set up spread across an L shaped desk. he had even paid to have your upright piano moved here, and cut into the next room over to give you more space for an electric drumset. you couldn't help but smile, imagining your friends coming over to record stuff with you. you had always felt strange about inviting them to your rich boyfriend's house, despite him insisting they were welcome, but he had really gone through the trouble of making a room so perfect for all of them that you had no choice.

and it was brighter, you thought. you had told him you worked better in bright spaces.

despite jeonghan's promises, the music room renovation felt like it was as much a gift for you as it was for seokmin. though, maybe he couldn't help it, when the reasons he loved you both overlapped so much.

you went to seokmin's apartment the next day with a bagged gift for him, arriving again right as his client was leaving, and you smiled at the same young man you had seen the first time you had come to visit seokmin. you knew his name now, not because you had spoken to him much, but because you had been told about him by his teacher, and you congratulated him on getting a gig the upcoming weekend.

"oh," jisung said, glancing between the two of you. "he talks about me?"

you laughed and gave him a fighting, seokmin looking upwards to hide his embarrassment as he ushered his student toward the door. "have a nice week, jisung! i'll try to be there this weekend," he said, throwing you a look as you giggled.

"it's not for guitar, you don't have to come," the younger assured. "but if you want to, bring your girlfriend!"

"yeah!" you said, putting your fists on your hips. "i'm getting you dinner for your birthday tonight, the least you can do is take me to an underground rap show!"

"okay, both of you, no more talking," seokmin said, trying and failing to prevent jisung from stopping in his tracks at the news that it was his birthday.

"woah, teach, happy birthday!" he laughed. "you weren't gonna say anything?" he kept talking even as his teacher pushed him out of his apartment.

you couldn't stop grinning when the door closed, seokmin turning to you. he pointed at you, trying to hide his smile as he could only get out a vaguely annoyed "you."

"happy birthday, baby," you said, wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him into a kiss. he softened against you, smiling as you pulled away, his hands on your waist as he thanked you quietly.

"he asks about you a lot," seokmin said, joining you when you laughed at the fact. "i think he has a crush on you."

you rolled your eyes. "stop bragging about me, then."

"i don't brag," he said, smiling into another kiss. "i just tell the truth. i can't help that you're a dream come true."

you only pulled away from him to grab the two thick paper bags that you had set on his couch. "c'mon, we gotta head out. open your presents."

seokmin's mouth dropped open when he saw the logo on the bag. "wait, you didn't."

"i had to," you said, giggling as he grabbed one and tugged it open, moving to the couch to pull the garment out. "you said you wanted it."

"where did you find one?" he asked, staring at the corduroy parka from the brand you saw him wear constantly. "they've been sold out for weeks!"

"i got it before then, duh." you poked his cheek when he pouted at you, his eyebrows knit. "there's more, stop getting distracted."

seokmin hugged you extra tight as a thank you for his romantic crown haul, and he decisively pulled on the golden yellow shirt with the pizza on the back, making you grin at how perfectly jeonghan had predicted his thought process before you dragged him out of his apartment to go get dinner.

"we're just picking it up," you said, jangling a keychain. he gave you a quirked eyebrow, and you giggled, pulling him over to jeonghan's car. "do you wanna see it self drive?"

you pushed the side door closed with your butt and called out to jeonghan, saying the birthday boy was here. seokmin took the pizza boxes from your arms and put them on the kitchen counter as jeonghan walked around the stairs.

"well one of us has to change," jeonghan said facetiously, and seokmin looked down at the yellow shirt peeking through his half zipped parka, looking back up at jeonghan, who was wearing the same shirt.

"wait wait wait," you giggled, turning around to undo the zipper of your own jacket, pulling it open as you spun around to reveal that you, too, were wearing the shirt.

seokmin looked between you two with wide eyes, his eyebrows creasing. "you got us matching shirts?"

"pizza shirt gang!" you giggled, stripping off your jacket. "do you like them?"

he smiled into a disbelieving laugh. "how did you know i would put it on?"

"because we know you, minnie," jeonghan said, reaching for his hand after he took off his new coat. "before we eat, i finished the sunroom today, wanna see it?"

"hang on," seokmin stopped, making his hand fall from jeonghan's. "that's not the gift, right?" he looked at you. "the sunroom isn't the gift?"

you pursed your lips, looking at the ceiling, and seokmin started to argue, making jeonghan laughed. "who cares if it's for you, i just want you to come look at it."

jeonghan is pretty sure he always loved seokmin. it wasn't something he would ever be able to change about himself, he figured, as he watched his lover cover his face with his hands, sinking to crouch on the floor as his eyes looked around the large room that was lit by fairy light. the first thing he had seen was the piano, which made him gasp, then he saw the guitars, and looked at your smiling face, suddenly connecting dots, unable to stay standing from the shock as he understood why he hadn't been allowed to help.

and then he started crying.

the two of you ushered him to a couch, sitting him down as he sniffed back the tears. you sat beside him, wrapping your arms around his shoulder and cooing, jeonghan crouching on the floor in front of him.

"i'm sorry," jeonghan said, smiling slightly as he gave him an apologetic look. "i didn't mean to overwhelm you."

seokmin choked on a laugh, wiping at his cheeks. "how did you think i'd react?"

"i don't think he thought about it," you whispered, knowing full well jeonghan could hear you.

"i got a little carried away," he admitted, hand rubbing comforting circles on seokmin's leg. "you're special to me, so i wanted to make something special for you."

"this," seokmin said, looking around, gesturing at his surroundings. "this?"

the older huffed out a laugh, almost embarrassed. "yeah, this."

seokmin laughed too, eyes wet as he looked into the other's. "i can't believe you would make something this incredible for me."

"you're incredible," jeonghan said. "i want you to feel welcome in my home."

"i couldn't believe the record wall, either," you offered when seokmin seemed speechless, pressing your cheek against the his shoulder, hand rubbing his back. "jeonghan's love language is a little unique."

seokmin sniffed one more time, studying jeonghan's face, his brow creasing ever so slightly. "holy shit, i'm in love with you."

your heart stopped as you pulled away slightly to look at him, then jeonghan, who was frozen.

"i didn't realize that's what this was," seokmin said, hand gripping the one on his thigh. "i knew i liked you, but this is-"

jeonghan rose quickly, seating himself at seokmin's other side and kissed him. "i love you," he said, thumbs wiping over his slightly damp cheekbones. "it's taken me years to admit it, but i love you."

seokmin kissed him again in response, his face feeling hot from the continued attention. he broke away, only to look around the room again, jeonghan studying his face with a smile as he did.

"i think," seokmin said, clearing his throat when the words came out weak. he looked to you, then to jeonghan. "i think this is the best birthday i've ever had."

jeonghan laughed. "we haven't even had the pizza yet."

300 notes · View notes

forestwater87 · 4 years ago

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Hey! It's the one who wanted fanfiction writing advice and how to sorta join the fandom. So, I am currently writing a werewolf! au for Gwenvid, and I was wondering if I could ask you something (well, multiple somethings lol)? One, what are things you would like to see in a Gwenvid fic? Two, do you have any advice for writing a good first chapter? Mine is kind of short and not too good, but yours are super good. Three, how would Gwen react to becoming a werewolf? Scared or excited? Thanks!

Oooh, fun! I don’t know if I’m the best authority on this, but I think I have a couple followers who might also have some good insights. Let’s see . . .

Things I personally go feral for in Gwenvid fics:

That UST. Pining, longing, yearning -- whatever you wanna call it, all those little glances at each other then looking away when they get caught staring, getting distracted by a brush of skin against theirs or the other one looking amazing just out of nowhere, standing too close without realizing it and then awkwardly coughing and backing away . . . all of it. These two goobers in love with each other and completely oblivious is just . . . idk, it’s obviously personal preference, but that will-they-won’t-they dance is one of my favorite things about pre-established-relationship Gwenvid, and something I never get tired of. (Also, just saying: werewolf transformations have the distinct side effect of the werewolf waking up partially or completely naked in the forest. It’s a scenario ripe for awkward and/or hilarious situations.)

If they’re in an established relationship already, it’s all about those little domestic things. I mean, there can be domestic things even before they’re dating, because they live together for like 3-4 months out of the year so they have a routine going, but things like one of them keeping the light on for the other without thinking, making coffee/tea and leaving everything laid out just the way the other one likes it, communicating (or even arguing) with just a look, all the casual lil touches of two people so comfortable with each other that it’s automatic at this point. It’s an essential part of fluff that I sometimes feel is overlooked in favor of more dramatic hurt/comfort (which is also excellent, to be clear).

BANTER! It’s not so much a canon thing as a fanon one, but the artist formerly known as Ciphernetics basically established flirty teasing and back-and-forth as a staple of Gwenvid’s charm in their earth-shatteringly beautiful fanfiction (that I can’t link because tumblr softblocks posts with links, but if you look at my blog for like 10 seconds you’ll be able to figure out what I’m talking about), and I think everyone’s writing, including my own, needs more banter. They’re so different, after all; why not have them butt heads in a fun way?

Please please please don’t do NSFW if you’re uncomfortable with it, but there is nowhere near enough of it in Gwenvid-land. Just because we’re wholesome doesn’t mean we can’t also be kinky! (Oh man, I just realized I have no idea how old you are. Uhhhh if you’re not an adult just skip this one on by! Or if you are an adult and this ain’t it. It’s like it wasn’t ever here! Poof! I should probably just delete this, but maybe it’ll awaken a spark of inspiration in someone. Lord knows I haven’t been driving the smut train for a while, so I’m just hoping someone else will do my job for me. Plus Gwen would want me to include this suggestion, especially if there are werewolves involved.)

You know, there’s not a lot of action-hero Gwenvid out there, is there? Most of it’s relationship melodrama and domestic fluff, which I love -- obviously, I write it literally all the time -- but with a werewolf AU you have the opportunity for gratuitous violence, and both David and Gwen have proven they can kick a whole lot of ass and deal out (or take) a lot of pain. If you need two people fighting monsters -- or fighting as monsters -- you could do a lot worse than those two. It’d be a fun change of pace that’d work well with their character dynamic.

Writing a first chapter:

I don’t have a ton of advice here that isn’t pretty common, but the biggest thing is to start in the middle of action. This can range in terms of drama: a camp activity going horribly wrong, a nightmare, maybe even David discovering Gwen’s a werewolf. Your story doesn’t have to go in chronological order, after all, so if you have to backtrack in later scenes or chapters that’s not a bad thing in the slightest!

It’s much better to start with a really exciting, gripping situation and then backfill in the information that matters than starting off with all that boring worldbuilding and exposition. Don’t get me wrong, that worldbuilding and exposition are necessary, but they’re also like . . . I dunno, salt. It’s essential to the recipe, but no one would say it’s their favorite part of a meal, and having to eat a whole pile of it before they get to the good stuff wouldn’t be enjoyable at all. It’s better sprinkled throughout to add flavor to your story as needed.

I like that metaphor! It’s kinda cliche, but I think it still gets the job done.

So yeah, start with something exciting and know it’s okay for your readers to go, “wait, what the fuck’s going on?” That’s kind of a great thing, actually; it establishes mystery and introduces higher stakes, and just gets your readers going. It’s also more fun to write, which is good! (For example, I just read a really great book call The Chill, which opened with a woman tying a bag over her head, weighting herself down with chains, and throwing herself into a river to “join the work.” Who is this person? What work? Did she know she was going to die -- it definitely doesn’t feel like a suicide, but what else did she think was going to happen?? I’m instantly on board, even if the next few scenes were focused on establishing exposition and actually kinda boring. It’s all about that hook.)

To be fair: I don’t do this all that often in my own fics. For every “starting the story with a botched assassination attempt,” we have “starting the story with waking up.” It’s important to have a first chapter that matches and sets the tone of your story; if it’s going to be a rip-roaring action/horror adventure, you’re going to want to start things off with all that stuff I mentioned before. If you’re writing cute fluff, there’s nothing wrong with your in media res chapter opening being an adorable fluffy scene. Compelling doesn’t have to mean scary or action-packed, but more serve as a teaser for what the rest of the story is going to bring. I’ve been leaning on action or thriller stuff because a werewolf AU implies some level of creature-feature monster spookiness, but any tone works as the start of a fic, as long as it’s not “here’s a laundry list of the universe’s rules,” because that’s boring and you can weave that into the rest of your story later.

As for your other comment, short isn’t bad at all; in fact, if you want to make your first chapter a really short, compelling scene, that can be a great way to draw people in. But I also am a proponent of writing until it’s done, and couldn’t stick to a page or word count to save my life. My chapters are all over the place, and sometimes I’ll randomly chop them up if I feel like it’s going too long but usually I don’t bother. The more you write, the more you develop a feel for when the story, chapter, or scene needs to end, but as you’re starting out you might wanna snag a beta to help you find that stopping place.

Wow, this is long! Awkward! Sorry about that! I’ll make this last one short:

Gwen the werewolf:

I can’t imagine any universe in which she isn’t psyched as hell. I think she desperately wants to be more special and important than she is, and having a sexy monster superpower would only be a good thing to her, regardless of whatever its drawbacks may be. She might get tired of certain aspects of being a werewolf as the honeymoon phase wears off, but in the beginning I think she’d be excited and maybe even relieved.

Anyway, I hope that helps! It’s a lot of rambling, but I imagine you’re used to that by now. :)

#ask forest #campcamp #gwenvid #yeah i'm putting this in the main tags even though it's long as balls #fight me #cc gwen #campcampfanfan

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always-and-forever-a-killjoy · 4 years ago

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Building Home Chapter 4

Hey fuckers and welcome to another chapter of Building Home! I've decided to switch to posting on Saturdays because Fridays are always chaotic, just a heads up, but I'll still be posting regularly for at least another six weeks, hopefully longer if I get my ass together enough to write the last six chapters of this in those six weeks (or at least like, Chapter 11 and 12). Anyways, the song for last week was so big/so small from dear evan hansen. This week's isn't quite so tricky, I don't think!

Title: Building Home

Chapter Title: I’ll keep you safe inside

Chapter Wordcount: 2263

Chapter Summary:

The crew settles into living with Autumn Assassin and the house of soup crew, and the Analog Wars suck ass.

POV: Dr. Death Defying

Warnings: Injury mentions, death mentions.. (If you want to know what parts to skip, go to the end notes on AO3- I also put a brief summary of any important info in those parts. Stay safe!)

Taglist: @wishiwasthemoon-tonight @sleevesareforlosers @stressed-depressed-emo-mess @tasteofamnesia @dagger-queen @no-braincells-here @piratecherricola (message me, send an ask, or reblog/reply to one of my posts if you want to be added or removed)

AO3 Link

Chapter 1 AO3 Link

Chapter 1 Tumblr Post

Chapter 2 Tumblr Post

Chapter 3 Tumblr Post

(Actual fic under the cut)

They stayed with Autumn Assassin for a while longer, talking with the killjoys of the household and generally having a better time than just living alone. It was a little strange to have three of them in one small room, but none of them minded much.

“I shared a room with my sister in Battery City,” Cherri Cola told the others. D restrained any surprise from showing on his face- Cherri almost never volunteered information about himself, and especially not his past. It was something killjoys didn’t talk about much and rarely shared with anyone except their crew. So D just nodded in acceptance.

“D and I are used to sharing,” Lily agreed. “So we’ll just have to stick it out,”

Autumn Assassin, meanwhile, had taken Cherri under their wing. They had the common trait of being an excellent shot, and Autumn had managed to get him a much nicer ray gun.

“Scarecrow model,” They informed him.

Cherri nodded as they positioned his hands on the new ray gun. “Right. Look around what you’re aiming at, keep your hands in this position and steady as you can, and don’t hesitate. Hesitation will kill you, kid.”

D was watching the lesson just like he had watched Lily teach Cherri, making sure Autumn wasn’t too rough. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust the other killjoy- White Lily trusted them, and that was good enough for him- but he wanted to make sure Cherri’s wound healed properly as well. So he was sitting and watching as they taught Cherri how to shoot better than ever before. Cherri was taking to the lessons eagerly, wanting to learn how to fight.

“Don’t hesitate,” he repeated, and pulled the trigger.

Autumn Assassin whooped as the can fell. “Good shot, kid!”

Cherri was grinning as he glanced back at D. “A hundred and sixty.”

“I saw,” D grinned back. “That’s pretty fucking incredible, Cherri.”

“He’s a quick one,” Autumn agreed. “Needs to work on his hand-to-hand combat and reactions in the heat of battle, but he’s a good shot.”

“I’ll do hand to hand if you want to teach me,” Cherri offered quietly.

“Of course I do, kid, you’re a quick learner and frankly a lot of fun to teach.”

Cherri’s grin grew even wider. “I’m seventeen.”

“And I’m almost thirty, what’s your point? You’re a kid to me, even if you kick ass at shooting and probably other things too.”

“Fair.”

“Ready to kick some ass?”

“Yeah!”

“Be careful of your stitches,” D warned, but it wasn’t his place to stop Cherri.

“I will be, don’t worry. I don’t feel like getting hurt again,” the other said dryly.

“Good, I don’t want you to get hurt either.”

“Overprotective,” Cherri said with an eye roll, but he was smiling.

“I’d rather not have one of my best friends die because he was an idiot and ripped his stitches, thank you very much.”

“I’ll be careful.”

Cherri was…less than careful, in D’s opinion, but he didn’t rip any stitches while training with Autumn Assassin so that was a something, at least. He did, however, get very good at fighting with a variety of weapons, including but not limited to knives, ray guns, older style guns, and even simple hand-to-hand combat. Autumn Assassin’s name included ‘assassin’ for a reason, and it wasn’t that they could poison people.

Meanwhile, D and Lily dedicated their time to the radio station and recruiting more people. Killjoys had started to settle in other houses and buildings in this little town area, given how intact many of them were. It was becoming a whole little community, arsonists and crash queens living next to medics and some of the most peaceful rebels. So while Autumn Assassin was teaching Cherri to be terrifyingly good at fighting, D and Lily were wandering the area and getting to know the killjoys there.

They met Legolas Greenleaf, fantasy nerd and excellent maker of crepes, apparently, although given that it was the desert they couldn’t really verify that. He and his crew dressed like fantasy elves and kicked draculoid ass while shouting things like ‘dishonor on your lineage!’ and ‘spawn of Morgoth!’. There was also Tommy Chow Mein, who both of them knew from the wars and was running a little general store out of what had once been the town’s general store, and his assistant was a kid called Penny Pincher who had copper-colored hair and was a bit younger than Cherri.

The variety of killjoys in the town ranged from a short, grouchy killjoy who simply went by ‘Fuck’ and was one of the best medics out there to a tall, freckled killjoy called Angel Kisses who was an absolute sweetheart but would absolutely fuck you up. Ages ranged from some of the oldest soldiers of the Helium Wars (“I’m damn near forty.”) to the younger siblings and even children of some killjoys (“She’s a bit under a year, just barely weaned but we had to get her out of Battery City.”) From the news others brought in, they knew this wasn’t the only community of killjoys, but it was by far the largest. Here was where the center of the rebellion would be for another few years, and the unsuspecting Autumn Assassin’s house was at the center of it all.

Their house was already somewhat of a town hub, being the most intact and the one with the most residents, and Autumn Assassin seemed to encourage this.

“What with the amount of people here, we’ve always got extra food, and extra rooms for travelers. We’ve got the resources, might as well use them. And I don’t mind these dumbasses hanging around the living room, they bring some life to the place.” That was what they told D when he asked about it, leaning against the counter as the two of them watched the chaos unfold in their living room like it did almost every day.

“They certainly do bring life. Also chaos.”

Autumn Assassin cackled. “That’s true. Nothing wrong with a bit of chaos, though. We are killjoys, after all.”

“True, we are.” D frowned. “Do you worry about Lil and I bringing bli down on your head?”

“If you do, we’ll tell them to fuck off.” Their face grew more serious. “I’m not kidding, though, Doctor Death. We give no fucks about Better Living, and we do give some fucks about you and your little crew. I worry a little about putting the younger members of the house in danger, but all of them knew what they were getting into. And all of them know how to fight.”

“I’m assuming you taught them?”

“How did you guess?” Their voice was utterly deadpan. “Not all of them, but yeah. I insist on teaching everyone who comes through some basic hand-to-hand combat and how to shoot a ray gun, if they don’t know. It’s my way of keeping them safe. Like your radio station.”

It was true, 109 in the sky had many goals, but one of them was keeping the killjoys safe and informed. The more they knew about upcoming dangers, the better they could fight back, and WKIL served as a hub of information. Killjoys radioed in or brought news of whatever they had found, from a supply truck that had been raided and had some extra supplies to exterminators coming to the desert. Code words were a part of this too, a cobbled together mixture of killjoy slang and actual code that served as yet another line of defense. Even if Better Living Industries figured out how to listen in, it wasn’t as if they would understand half the words being said, and Dr. Death Defying knew they had to keep it that way. Secrecy was essential to a successful rebellion, as Lily had put it. So the code was an important part of running the radio station, alongside the technology and the consistent news.

Even as they began to travel around again, taking the news van to broadcast from different Zones as a way of confusing Better Living Industries, they continued to return to Autumn Assassin’s house and the town around it as a home base. The room that Autumn Assassin had given them at the very start was theirs permanently now, and Autumn always kept it open for them. Sometimes they would be gone a day or two, sometimes an entire week or even a month or more. It depended on how close they thought Better Living Industries was to catching on, and traveling around seemed to be working as a method of confusing the corporation. In addition to the FM radio station of WKIL, multiple AM stations had sprung up that took the info from D’s daily broadcast and spread it over a wider range. Their signal was much easier to interfere with, which was why the original WKIL was an FM station, but it got the news out to the entirety of the Zones, providing an invaluable service.

So the rebellion continued to grow, month after month, until the Zones were alive with killjoys and color, loud noise and firefights. Cherri’s training at the hands of Autumn Assassin had only made him more bold, much to D’s worry, but he had to admit that Cherri’s borderline insane antics were a very effective method. He was one of the few killjoys unafraid to fight almost any level of Better Living Industries employee, and one of the most effective at it too.

Lily, meanwhile, was working on organizing larger raids and even attacking Battery City itself. D was her right hand, as always, but he was also occupied with the radio station and other things. So Cherri had stepped partially into their role, accompanying Lily when she went on missions and standing by her side as a very effective deterrent against exterminators. Better Living Industries had intensified their efforts to find Lily and D, and Cherri was now top of their wanted lists as well. He had gone from an unremarkable and frankly unintimidating sixteen-year-old to one of the finest shots in the desert and a highly wanted killjoy, the name Cherri Cola whispered almost as often as you could hear whispers of Dr. Death Defying or White Lily.

He had gained a reputation for being one of few killjoys who usually worked alone, often taking on missions solo (and giving D and Lily a heart attack when he stumbled back in with a stab wound or ray gun shot, bruised and battered). That wouldn’t change until their last few crew members joined up, and even then, Cherri was fiercely independent both as a fighter and a person. He was loyal, that was for sure, willing to fight just about anything for D or Lily, but he would always prefer solo raids or missions.

That scared D shitless, but they couldn’t stop him and they trusted Cherri to keep himself safe, to an extent. He was still more reckless than D or Lily would like, but neither of them could really blame him.

“I don’t know what he’s running from, but there’s something.” That was Lily, plunking down in a chair next to them.

“We’re all running from something, aren’t we?”

“Dark but true.”

The two of them knew what each other was running from better than anyone else. Both somewhat happy children back in Battery City, there was nothing in their childhood that they ran from, only a faint sense of nostalgia, but the war they had fought in had changed them both in ways they didn’t like to think about. There was a past there to run from, horrors to set right. D knew that Lily had a sense that she needed to put things right, needed to atone in some way for her deeds during the Helium Wars. If that atonement, that fight, took her life, she would accept it as such.

It might have been selfish of him, but he would not atone. They were trying, of course, to make the world a better place, fighting for the future they believed in, but the past was the past, and D refused to die for the crimes he had committed then. He had fought to survive for long enough that he wasn’t giving up now, regardless of what fate would be just for them. The best they could and would do now was fight for the future, not die for the past.

It wasn’t easy for him either, watching young killjoys fight and be injured and even die, but he had to believe in what they were fighting and dying for. They would break the stranglehold of Better Living Industries, they would live free and bring the same for their children and all the generations that would come after them. All this wasn’t for nothing.

That was what D told themself as they watched Cherri curl into a ball in the corner of the room, protecting the slash on his side like a wounded animal. That was what they repeated when Lily’s sobs shook the mattress at night, keeping the others awake even if they didn’t dare break the silence of the room. D just prayed the others’ spirits wouldn’t end up as broken as their bodies after claps.

This pattern continued, day after day and week after week as their missions got more dangerous and Cherri grew even more reckless and solitary. It wouldn’t be truly broken until far after the final few members of their crew arrived, but the one who arrived next did by far the most towards that end.

#cherri cola #dr. death defying #auri writes #ttlofk #white lily #autumn assassin

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bow-woahh · 5 years ago

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Heal me after hurting (1/3)

Summary:

A million feelings she’s been fighting off for months threaten to overwhelm her: feelings of deep and utter care; of complete adoration; feelings of hot and harsh hatred; of absolute disdain; and abandonment, definitely abandonment; to confusion, anxiety, all bubbling as she tries to calm herself down; eyes closed, chanting the mantra:

you are in control, you are stronger now. ___

Catra gets sick and someone unexpected turns up to help.

Relationship: Adora/Catra

Words: 10, 962 Notes:

Hey, been working on this for a lil while, this was supposed to be a one shot but I’m incapable of writing things which are short so enjoy the first chapter! I would of posted it on here too, but it’s 10k words and I can’t even format it right on here, so apologies (Tbh it’s tumblr what did I expect?) TW - Drug use, depictions of mental illness, some violence (it’s not very graphic)

Preview below, Read on Ao3

Next>>>

Chapter 1 Preview: Sick of seeing your face

Catra knows she didn't sleep much last night. Most of it was spent coughing out her guts. She remembers that. She remembers messaging Scorpia. She remembers Scorpia saying she'd send some stuff over. She remembers music playing in the background, soft, peaceful, a stark contrast to her hacking her intestines alongside that thick phlegm up.

That's about all.

Mouth, throat and lips dry, she takes a sip from the water bottle on her nightstand and cringes so hard her eyes squeeze shut as the water feels like it's going down her throat the same way nails drag across a chalkboard — it shouldn't. And it hurts.

Internally groaning, because she figures it would hurt to do that aloud, she curses her immune system for not allowing this to fade overnight. Instead, it's gotten worse. College students don't have time to be sick, but here she is: dark circles under her eyes, a second or so away from what might as well be death, because she hates, hates being sick with all her heart. Not even all the shitty Netflix shows in the world are enough to make this better. Catra can't afford to miss school, so she checks the time, hopeful.

Only seven. She can make it. Then, she realises that's a terrible idea, because she doesn't need to bring the plague with her to class, nor does she want to. Being ill in school sucks. So the decision is already fated by the stars. Bed ridden.

However, the last thing she wants is to be stuck in her room all day. It feels too claustrophobic when she’s like this, like solitary confinement. And it doesn't have a TV with Netflix therefore, living room it is.

As she trudges over to the sofa, phone, book (which she’s never going to read), and box of tissue in hand, she finally realises...she isn't the only one home.

What?

Scorpia is away, with Entrapta and...no one else comes to her house. The only person with the house pin is—

"Catra? Are you awake?"

When Scorpia said that she'd deliver a few things over, she didn't think—

It's her. Standing in her kitchen, holding a carton of eggs, is Adora.

you are in control, you are stronger now.

Adora, who broke up with her. Adora, who she has barely spoken to in months. Adora, who back then had looked at her with so much hate— no, disappointment that it was all Catra needed to be shattered in two. Adora, who did all these things and was everything, is now standing in her apartment.

Just like before, but only entirely different.

***

End Authors Note:

Hello! Long time no see! Not really, but this past month has been really busy because schools been a bitch and it’s not gonna stop being one anytime soon. After this fic, I really want to work on a multichapter which is on a larger scale, though with the pressure of school not stopping anytime soon, it’ll be a bit difficult. Nevertheless, alongside that I’ll still be answering the occasional tumblr prompts I get.

I hope you enjoyed the first chapter of my fic! Originally, I started writing this when I got sick because,, #relatable I guess and I didn’t have much of a plot for it until I thought of the whole “omg they are exes” thing. Me being me however, couldn’t leave it there, as I didn’t want them to just be awkward exes or something fairly cliche like that, I wanted to play with the idea of this odd dynamic where the breakup they went through was not entirely one persons fault, but how they failed to work as a unit to the point they reached an *extreme* breaking point. If you can’t tell, there’s a lot a little details I’ve put into this too, I suppose to further enhance things lol.

Plus, despite not knowing what actually happened between them until the end of the chapter (which still leaves out a lot of the build up to that point but otherwise we’d be her all day) I wanted them to have this dynamic where you could tell that what happened was more than meets the eye. Additionally, this fic deals with quite heavy themes, one being mental illness which I did my best to portray with Catra. Hopefully I depicted it right and the implications I made made it clear that this is something she has and still does struggle with. And having Adora back around her could very easily pull her back into a place similar to where she was before, but throughout this chapter she wrestles with that fact and the fact they’ve both changed and therefore things have changed. And I hope I didn’t in anyway romanticise that last part, because Catra’s actions (while explainable) aren’t right and she realises this (hence why she pushed down thinking about it all) and it will be addressed. Also...guess who her therapist is and I’ll post the next chapter early (actually –)

Okay I could rant about my own fic for a very long time, but I’ll stop there. Hopefully I’ll have the next chapter out in a week or since it’s already written so it’s a possibility, and if that’s the case I’ll see you then!

(Also talk to me on Twitter @ BowWoahh)

#catradora #catradora fics #spop fics #shera fics #spop fic #micahs writing #micahs fics #spop #catra spop #adora spop #modern au #im sorry if that hurted #like that ending tho

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thebluemartini · 5 years ago

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Far From the Shallow - Chapter 8 [Nessian Fic]

TITLE: Far From the Shallow SYNOPSIS: Post-ACOFAS. As part of a deal with Feyre, Nesta has agreed to live with Cassian in the Illyrian Mountains. However, shortly after her arrival, she receives the startling news that she’s pregnant from one of her one-night stands. While she tries to quickly get a grip on her life, Cassian’s determined to make her see that she’s not facing this alone.

FIC LENGTH: Multi-chapter (Total Chapter Estimate: 14)

PREVIOUS CHAPTERS: Chapter 1 / Chapter 2 / Chapter 3 / Chapter 4 / Chapter 5 / Chapter 6 / Chapter 7

TAGGING: @dreaming-of-bohemian-nights @queenofillea1 @trash-for-nessian @nestaarcheronwillkillme @my-fan-side @strangeenemy @maastrash @cageddovepoetry @bybooksanddreams @lilbat90 @ritamordio19 @mastercommandercaptain @feysand-dot-acotar @archeron-queen @welcometothespeaknowworldtour @empress-ofbloodshed @there-is-warmth-in-winter @mybbyfeyre @saltydreamcollector @justlikethecheshirecat @mis-lil-red @supebowlere @monstrousloves-explodinggalaxies @everything-that-i-love @sezkins79 @hashtolanashoba

*This chapter is also posted on AO3 and FF. ________________________________________________________________

CHAPTER 8: March - Part I

The week leading up to the Rite had been a peculiar one.

Even though she didn’t ignore Cassian or avoid him completely, Nesta had seemed distant. Instead of eating meals with him, she’d ask him to save her food for later, claiming she was tired and needed to take a nap. It seemed understandable that she would be exhausted considering her pregnancy, but even when they did converse, her words seemed stiff and brief, completely unlike the natural and easy-going conversations they had had before he decided to go through with the Blood Rite.

Following their dinner with the Illyrians, he had hoped Nesta would sleep beside him in his bed again. He even went so far as to attempt to ask her to come and keep the nightmares away, but she brushed him off before he could finish asking his question.

For him, nightmares of undergoing his previous Blood Rite raged on. He wasn’t sure if Nesta had heard his groans and screams during the night, but she never visited him.

Cassian told himself not to dwell on it and instead stay focused on his upcoming challenge, but he couldn’t stop thinking about Nesta’s words and actions. Insisting he do the Rite without trying to come up with a solution or discussing her feelings about his options was disheartening. Did she care at all that there was a high chance he would die during the Rite? And now, she was hardly talking to him nor spending time with him during what could be the last days of his life.

Of course, he was determined to succeed and prove himself as an Illyrian General Commander. He was confident in his skills, but he was still well aware of the risks and what the angered Illyrians could do to fool him, especially when they didn’t have to concern themselves with reaching the top of Ramiel. Their only goal was to kill him.

Rhys was pissed when Cassian told him about the Rite during his visit to Velaris the day after the dinner, wondering why Cassian would make such a hasty decision without talking to him first. He toyed with the idea of using his power to demand the special Rite to be cancelled. But Cassian figured it would’ve only angered them more, and a war would certainly break out.

Cassian spent the week training on his own, without using his wings or any weapons. He’d go out into the woods to search for things in nature that he might find during the Rite and practiced using those to defend himself.

Last time, him and his brothers had each other to get through it together. This time, he wouldn’t have anyone to help him through it.

As he finished packing up various meats and vegetables that he cooked that day and placed them within the ice chest, he heard a shuffling behind him. He turned around to find Nesta standing in the kitchen, looking startled to see him.

“I...didn’t think you’d still be awake,” she said. “I thought you’d be getting as much rest as you could before the Rite.”

“I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep tonight because of it...especially not with the nightmares I’ve been having this week,” Cassian revealed.

Nesta did not reply as she stepped toward the table to grab some fruit from the bowl. She didn’t even ask about his nightmares. Didn’t even express concern.

“What are you doing up?” Cassian asked.

“The baby started kicking, and I was craving a late night snack,” she answered before taking a bite out of the pear she was holding.

Cassian leaned back against the sink. “I just cooked some food this evening and put it in the ice chest so you have meals for all this week,” Cassian explained. “All you’ll have to do is reheat them.”

Nesta paused eating her pear and looked at him strangely. He couldn’t read what she was thinking.

“I’ve also asked Emerie to stay here as a precaution, just in case there’s any trouble with the Illyrians,” Cassian added.

Nesta simply nodded before turning around to head out of the kitchen.

“Listen,” Cassian began, causing her to halt her steps. “If I...don’t return...I’ve left some magical parchment here on the table. All you have to do is write on it, and Feyre and Rhys will receive the message on the parchment they have on the desk in their study immediately.”

“Okay,” Nesta stated apathetically before walking away.

________________________________________________________________

Cassian awoke before the sun rose the next morning.

He had managed to get some sleep during the night, but it wasn’t entirely peaceful or satisfying. The nightmares shockingly stayed away, but he spent most of the night agonizing over Nesta.

Did she really not care that he might not return?

The thought brought an ache to his chest that didn’t leave him throughout the night.

Despite her attitude, he also couldn’t help but fret over what would happen to Nesta and the baby if he died.

Would she finally tell her sisters about the pregnancy then? Would she go to them for help? Would Nesta remember to feed herself and remain healthy?

After he put on his Illyrian leathers, he slowly made his way downstairs to Nesta’s bedroom.

With a deep breath, he lightly knocked on her door.

“Come in,” she called out, and Cassian opened the creaky door to find her laying in bed, staring right at him.

“I’m off to meet Devlon to take me to the starting point of the Rite,” he announced grimly.

Nesta looked at him blankly, then proceeded to turn her body away from him and cuddled within her blankets. “Don’t die,” she simply stated.

This whole week, Cassian had felt hurt by Nesta’s careless attitude. But now...he couldn’t help but let anger boil within him.

“That’s it?” he questioned her irritably. He shook his head in disbelief. “After everything we’ve been through together the past few months, all you have to say is ‘don’t die’? This could be the last time we see each other,” he shouted. “Or have you actually been hoping to be rid of me this entire time? And that’s why you insisted I do the Rite so quickly and now don’t even bother to talk to me. You’re no longer required to get along with me if I won’t be living much longer. Is that it?”

Nesta remained turned away from him and didn’t move at all. “Goodbye,” she said firmly.

There was no denial.

She didn’t fight back on any of his points.

Cassian heaved a sigh of frustration. “I can’t believe I…” he trailed off as he ran a hand through his hair.

Slamming her bedroom door behind him, he stormed out of her room and out of the cabin.

________________________________________________________________

“All of us leaders here are challenging you to a special Blood Rite.”

Nesta didn’t realize that hearing such a sentence could strike her so deeply, until she heard it.

It felt like everything surrounding her and Cassian - whatever they were at this point - came to a screeching halt.

Up until then, Nesta had started daydreaming about what life would be like when the baby was born. Living in Cassian’s cabin, laying down the baby to sleep each night in the crib Cassian had constructed, cradling the baby in her arms as he or she cried in the middle of the night with Cassian up with her, Cassian preparing food for the baby as well as spoon-feeding the baby with her…

Cassian was a part of all of those daydreams. They never had discussed how exactly he intended to help her with raising the baby, but those moments came to mind whenever Nesta had let her mind wander.

And then she’d also occasionally visualize the moments where the baby would smile and laugh and roll over for the first time. Even just the thought of it happening made her feel full of bliss. She’d picture Cassian sharing her bliss beside her when these moments occurred, leading her daydream to conclude with her kissing Cassian.

Her attraction to him still terrified her, but she found herself incapable of visualizing herself raising her child without him. When he insinuated to Devlon that he was the father of her child, she caught her heart racing out of excitement.

But the one camp leader’s words at dinner that night quickly turned her dreams and hopes for the future into a puff of smoke.

When the Illyrian leaders revealed that Cassian would need to perform a special Blood Rite to prove himself worthy as the General Commander, Nesta knew he would have to do it.

And it nearly destroyed her inside that this meant she could lose him.

But this was something he needed to do. If they could prevent a war, if he could make changes within the Illyrian camps for the better in time, then of course he had to do it.

Even if part of her selfishly wanted him to step away from being General Commander, just because she didn’t want him to die. She wanted him to be...with her.

But that wouldn’t have been true to Cassian’s nature. He always boldly fought for what he believed in and was determined to help those in need. He wasn’t the type to simply step aside and let people fend for themselves. It wasn’t in his nature to give up.

He certainly didn’t give up on her.

He still helped her during her pregnancy, no matter how poorly she had treated him at times.

Even though the majority of the Illyrians despised him, he was determined to improve the camps. They were his people after all. He had to do it for the sake of his mother.

So she had insisted he do the Rite.

But the thought of him dying during the Rite nearly drowned her, so she forced herself to distance herself from him and pretend she felt nothing at all for him the week before the Rite. She feigned exhaustion so she would hardly have to talk to him during the week with the hopes of being able to forget about him and the way he cared for her.

If she could just detach herself from Cassian, then she would feel nothing if he perished during the Rite.

But one week proved it wasn’t enough time for Nesta to detach herself from Cassian.

While trying to distance herself from him, she found doing so made her feel worse. She could tell she was hurting him, and in turn, it hurt her.

Hurting people with her words and actions was always what she did best, unfortunately.

When she heard his screams from his nightmares throughout the week, it took every ounce of strength to resist going to him and to ignore the desire to sleep beside him.

And when he had just now come to say goodbye, she had to turn away because tears were flowing from her eyes. She couldn’t allow him to see how much it pained her to see him go.

With every anger-fueled, pounding step he took to leave her room, it felt like her heart broke into a million pieces. More tears flowed out of her eyes, and she could not stop them.

If he really did die this week...she began to sob at the thought of her dreams and hopes disappearing forever.

As she wiped away her tears with the back of her hand, she realized she couldn’t let it end like this. He had to know how much the past several months had meant to her.

Rapidly peeling the covers off of her body, she moved as quickly as she could to get off of the bed and bolted to the entryway of the cabin, where she clumsily and quickly put on her boots and coat.

She didn’t even take the time to button up her jacket or tie up the laces of her boots. She needed to reach him before it was too late.

Opening the front door, she ran out onto the platform and scanned the surrounding area for him. The sun hadn’t risen yet, making it harder to see. Through the lightly falling snow, she spotted him in the distance, walking in the direction of the center of the camp.

“I DON’T WANT THIS AT ALL,” she yelled with ferocity as she waddled across the platform and stepped down onto the snowy ground. Her shout stopped him in his tracks, and he turned around to look at her.

Her pregnant belly made it difficult to run. She must’ve looked ridiculous as she waddled in Cassian’s direction. When he saw her coming, however, he must have noticed her difficulties and strode toward her instead. Nesta stopped moving and waited for him to approach.

When he reached her, he stood right in front of her and crossed his arms against his chest. “Then what do you want?” he barked.

“You, you fool,” she spat before putting her hands on the sides of his face and yanked his head toward herself to press her lips against his.

It seemed like it was a shock to him, causing him to freeze in place. The kiss was fierce and quick, with Nesta pulling away because of Cassian’s lack of response.

But before she could dwell on his reaction, Cassian quickly reached out to frame her face with his hands and pulled her closer again to kiss her passionately.

This kiss was substantially longer than the previous one, with each of them seemingly unable to get enough of the other. Their lips never left the other’s as Cassian weaved his hands through her unbound hair and she wrapped her hands around his neck to keep him close.

Reluctantly, Nesta pulled her lips away from his to look down at her stomach. The baby was suddenly very active.

It seemed Cassian could feel it too as her stomach was pressed up against him. He chuckled as he placed a hand on her stomach. With his other hand, he gripped her chin to tilt her head back up to him.

“How can you expect me to leave now?” he voiced softly with a hint of a sad smile.

“You have to,” Nesta stated seriously. “For your people. For your mother. But you also must come back,” she pleaded. “Come back to this. Come back to us.”

Nesta placed one of her hands over Cassian’s hand that rested on her stomach. “We need you,” she whispered.

“If I don’t make -” Cassian began to say but was quickly cut off.

“Don’t even say that. You will make it back. You will,” Nesta insisted as the tears came streaming out of her eyes.

Cassian brought his hands up to her face and wiped her tears away with his thumbs. “But if I don’t,” he continued gravely. “I’ve left my will with Rhys, and I’ve -”

“Stop talking about this! I don’t care about that!” she interjected.

“But I’ve left you -”

“Stop! We’re not talking about this!”

Cassian sighed and shook his head as he continued wiping away her tears. “You are so stubborn,” he remarked. “But there’s one thing I must tell you now, just in case...and I don’t want you to say anything back. I don’t want you to feel pressured to,” he said before taking a deep breath and staring directly into her eyes. “But I need you to know that I am in love with you, Nesta Archeron.”

Nesta couldn’t control the additional tears that sprung from her eyes. The fact that he admitted he loved her struck her deeply.

She wrapped her arms tightly around his torso and buried her face in his chest, letting her tears run onto his leathers. Cassian didn’t seem to mind as he placed his arms around her, hugging her to him and kissing the top of her head.

“I’m sorry I pretended I didn’t care,” she whimpered. “I didn’t want to face it. I - ”

“Shh, it’s okay. We’re okay now,” he murmured as he kissed the top of her head again. “It’s almost dawn,” he lamented.

Dawn. The time he had to meet Devlon.

Slowly, she unwound herself from him and stepped back. While she didn’t want to leave his side, she reminded herself that he had to do this.

She wasn’t ready to admit if she was in love with him, but she had to let him know somehow how deeply she cared for him…

“I have no regrets in my life, but this. That we did not have time. That I did not have time with you, Nesta. I will find you in the next world - the next life. And we will have that time. I promise.”

Cassian’s words to her on the battlefield in the war against Hybern replayed in her mind. It had been nearly two years since they almost died together, and all they had done was waste the time they were given.

“When you return,” she emphasized. “I don’t want to waste anymore time,” she whispered.

“We won’t waste anymore time,” he replied earnestly in agreement, clearing knowing exactly what she was referring to.

Cassian suddenly got down on both of knees on the snowy ground before her and pushed the flaps of her jacket to her sides as he leaned his head forward to place a kiss on the fabric of her nightgown that covered her stomach. “Take care of your mother, little one,” he murmured.

Nesta rested her hands on the sides of his head as he remained kneeled on the ground and placed another kiss to her stomach.

Turning his head up to face her, he gave her the look before jumping to his feet, taking her face in his hands and kissing her deeply. He slowly pulled away, tugging on her bottom lip with his teeth as he did so, which left her feeling breathless.

“I love you, Nes,” he said quietly. He ran his hands through her hair, and when they reached the ends, he stepped away from her with a sad look in his eyes. “I will do everything I can to come back to you. To both of you.”

She needed to get this over with. It was too painful.

“Goodbye, Cassian,” she breathed with one last long look at him to commit him to memory. Then she turned around to head back into the cabin, unable to bear watching him walk away. As she did so, she heard the crunch of the snow from Cassian’s boots as he strode away.

When she was inside the cabin, she leaned back against the door and crumbled to the ground as she cried.

_______________________________________________________________

A/N: This chapter is a bit shorter than the previous ones...but hopefully you didn't mind the content! :) It seemed like the best place to end this chapter to allow you to relish in this a bit because we somehow still have like 6 chapters of drama to go... ;)

As always, let me know if you want to be tagged!

---> CHAPTER 9

#nessian #nesta #cassian #nesta archeron #nesta cassian #a court of thorns and roses #acotar #a court of mist and fury #acomaf #a court of wings and ruin #wings and embers #a court of frost and starlight #acofas #fanfiction #far from the shallow

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malumsmermaid · 6 years ago

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I’d Do Anything

Ok so I started working on this in like November? Anyway I’ve been torturing Allie with my ideas and snippets of this for the past few weeks and I’m getting impatient with myself so I decided to go ahead and post this.

It’s a CEO!Ashton fic with a little bit of sugar daddy being involved later I think as well as some potential for Cashton.

Thanks @astroashtonio for putting up with all of this and being excited and so sweet, you’re the best.

Anyway, I hope you guys like it, and here’s chapter one.

Word Count: 2,704

Full Masterlist Series Masterlist

We’re building up so this is all fluff

Chapter One

Lily made her way through the first floor lobby of the office building, clipping towards the elevator, knee stinging but she ignored it given she was already late. She just nodded at the people she passed, who stared after her, likely due to the mud covering her skirt from her little spill as she rushed out of the parking garage. Lily quickly got on the elevator as the doors opened, pushing the button for the floor of the main office. She kept her head down as she walked past everyone and entered Ashton’s office.

“Sorry I’m late, Ash.” Lily said, setting her things down on the couch against the wall.

“It’s ok Lily, I’ve just been working on the sign up lists for tech upgrades after yesterday’s keynote and….fuck Lil, you’re covered in blood.”

“I know, I was rushing to get here and I slipped in some mud on the side of the sidewalk and fell, so now my clothes are all a mess and my knee sort of stings but I’m sure it’s fine.” She pushed her hair back as she spoke, ready to get to work now that she was there.

Next thing she knew, Ashton was next to her, his hand on her wrist, “No Lily, it’s not fine, I didn’t say anything about the mud, I’m more concerned with the fact that your leg is covered in blood, probably why your knee stings.”

Lily looked down, seeing the blood running down her leg. “Well, shit, I guess that probably has something to do with it.”

Ashton rolled his eyes, tugging her into the private bathroom attached to his office. He motioned for her to hop onto the counter while he rummaged around in the cabinets for the first aid kit. While he dug through the kit she reached over and wet some paper towels, cleaning off the excess blood so they could see what the damage was. Ashton breathed a sigh of relief when he saw it was just a minor scrape and began cleaning it. Lily scrunched her nose at the familiar sting of the alcohol wipe against her raw skin, but it was soon replaced with a bandaid. He gently pressed his lips to his fingers before lightly pressing them against the bandage, whispering “All better now.”

With that he rose, picking up the trash and putting the first aid kit away. He strode to the closet on the other side of the room, which Lily had always been curious about, but assumed it contained suits for days where he stayed at the office all night, solving some problem that stumped him during the day. Sure enough, when he opened the door she saw a few suits, hanging neatly on one side of the closet. However, he was staring at the side of the closet blocked by the door, hands rifling through it.

He turned, producing a dress and pair of shoes to go with it. “This should cover up your scrape for today’s meeting. My car is in the shop, getting inspected, are you ok with driving us to the meeting?”” he asked, hanging the dress on the closet door.

She nodded slowly, sliding off of the counter. Lily walked over to where he stood, taking in the dress. “I’m going to step out, let you finish cleaning yourself up and change, the meeting starts in an hour. Leave your outfit in here and I’ll have someone take it to be cleaned.” Ashton told her, slowly backing out of the bathroom, the door shutting quietly behind him.

She sighed as the door clicked, undressing and searching her legs for any flecks of mud from her spill. Ashton and Lily were close, especially for a CEO and his personal assistant. They only called each other by their last names in meetings, around other people. There were rumors going around the office that Ashton had feelings for Lily beyond their friendship, and there were some moments that they shared where Lily felt like maybe they could be right. Right now was one of those moments. The fact that he pretended to kiss her scrape better, and that his emergency clothing closet contained outfits for her as well as himself? It was pretty confusing.

Satisfied that she had cleaned all the mud from her body she walked to the closet, appraising the dress again. It certainly fit her general style, but when she saw the brand name on the tag, her jaw dropped, being one that she typically wouldn’t ever consider buying for herself due to the price range. Lily glanced at her watch, sighing quietly and gently removed the dress from the hanger. She slipped it on, pulling up the side zipper before buckling on the shoes that he had picked out. She hung her muddy clothes on the bare hanger, putting it back on the closet door, biting her lip as she did so, feeling bad about someone else having to take care of it. She checked her hair in the mirror, getting it to lay right again before stepping out into the office.

The printer was whirring as she cut off the bathroom light and let the door close and Ashton looked up from his computer. His face lit up as he looked at her, “You look amazing,” he said, rising from his chair to collect the warm paper from the printer.

Lily smiled, looking down to gather her things so they could get to the meeting on time. He slid two pieces of paper across his desk, “Sign up for what you want, ok doll? Then can you pin them up for everyone else while I get my notes together?” She nodded, slowly looking over the list, thinking back to their discussions while watching the Apple keynote yesterday.

Ashton really wanted her to update her watch, even though he himself didn’t have a smart watch. He claimed that he only wore his as an accessory, that he had Lily to keep him on schedule. She shook her head, only writing her name on the new phone sheet, since she had held onto her phone for two years, it was time to go ahead and upgrade that. Besides, she doubted that she really wanted Apple collecting data on every time she tripped over her own two feet.

She grabbed her purse and stepped out of the office, pinning the lists to the bulletin board. Lily's friend Kelsey, walked up to her, eyes scanning over her dress. “Damn Lily, you look hot.” she said, face lighting up.

Lily blushed, turning to talk with her, “I guess this is better than being covered in mud,” she joked, and Kelsey just shook her head.

“Again?” she teased, “I guess Ashton figured with how often you hurt yourself he should have clothes ready so you could be seen in public together.” Kelsey wiggled her eyebrows with the last sentence and Lily groaned. Kelsey was one of the main people running the rumors that Ashton wanted to go out with Lily. She had even started a “secret” office pool on the topic. Kelsey shook her head at Lily’s response, saying, “You’ve got to admit something has to be going on, especially if he’s willing to have such a nice outfit in his closet for emergencies. Tell me what happened?”

Lily shook her head at her request, about to give her a quick explanation of what had happened this morning when Ashton walked out of his office, ready for their drive to the morning’s meeting. “Ready to go?” He asked with a smile, laptop bag slung over his shoulder and suit jacket on his arm.

She nodded, smiling at Kelsey and she hummed, “Talk to you later, Lily.”

Lily nodded in response, following Ashton to the elevator. He stopped at the desk of one of the interns while she continued walking, handing him a couple bills and once Ashton turned to join Lily at the elevator the intern rose, making his way to the office and she sighed.

The elevator doors opened right when he reached them and they both entered, Ashton pressing the ground floor button before beginning to put his tie on. Lily watched as he stared at his reflection in the doors, tightening his tie and combing his fingers through his hair. She bit her lip, busying herself with her phone to look at the schedule for today. Ashton gently tapped her shoulder as the elevator reached the ground floor. Lily nodded, walking out the door as he gently placed his hand on the small of her back. She smiled as they both walked to the parking garage. She unlocked the car and he pulled away from her to get into the passenger side of the car. He watched as she climbed in, adjusting the skirt of the dress as she sat down before closing the door. She started the car after buckling the seatbelt, plugging her phone into the cassette tape and began playing music. Ashton chewed his lip as he watched her get everything in place before backing out of the parking space.

Ashton tapped against his thigh as Lily drove, listening to the music and going over his notes. Occasionally he mentioned a point to her, glancing over while he asked her opinion about it. Lily found it odd that he always asked her some of these points, but he really trusted what she had to say about them, sometimes bringing them up during the meeting.

She parked in the lot for the building where this morning’s meeting was, Ashton pulling on his suit jacket after he closed the car door behind him. He smiled over at her as she waited for him, quickly pacing over and they fell into step. They checked with the receptionist to see where they needed to go today and then Ashton led the way, his hand occasionally brushing hers as it swung at his side.

~~~~~~~~~~

The meeting ended a couple of hours later and Ashton checked his phone as they walked out of the office. “The auto shop called, my car is ready to be picked up, can you take me over there now?” Ashton asked, placing his phone back in his pocket.

Lily nodded, “Where’s the shop at?” He quickly told her and she smiled, “Perfect, after I drop you off at the shop is it alright if I run by my apartment and let my dog out? I’ll have to double back, but it’s not too far from my place.”

Ashton paused, looking down at her with a frown on his face. “You can just stop there before you drop me off, save you a trip. I can do some work while I wait, I don’t mind.”

Lily stared up at him, but the look on his face seemed to say that he wouldn’t change his mind, so she nodded, “If that’s what you want to do, Mr. Irwin.” He gently chewed his lip, but nodded, shifting his bag on his shoulder before beginning to walk down the hall again, quietly following her to the car.

A bit later they entered her apartment, Ashton following behind Lily as she pushed the door open. Her dog, Smokey, hopped off the couch, whole body wiggling as his tail wagged as soon as he saw her. She crouched down and began scratching his ears after he bounded over to her, letting him cover her face in pit bull kisses. Lily stood up, letting Ashton fully come into the apartment, telling him to help himself to whatever he wanted before walking into her bedroom to change into something more comfortable so she could walk Smokey. She could hear Ashton playing with Smokey and smiled to herself, gently hanging up the dress that Ashton had loaned her before sliding on her tennis shoes. She checked her hair in the mirror before walking back out, Ashton now on the couch with his laptop in front of him, Smokey laying at his feet.

“Do you have a new friend Smo?” Lily asked, grinning over at the two of them. Smokey glanced over at her, tail flopping against the floor a couple of times. Ashton grinned as he looked down at the dog affectionately. “Do you still want to go for a walk with your mama, boy?” His ears perked up as soon as he heard the word walk and as she reached for his harness and leash, he was at her side, sitting patiently while his tail wagged. Ashton giggled at the sight and she smiled, “We’ll be right back, Ash, promise.”

He simply shook his head, “Take your time, I don’t mind waiting.”

********

As soon as Lily and Smokey were out the door, Ashton put his laptop to the side, wanting to wander her apartment. Everything about it felt cozy, a nice place to crash after a night out or a long day at work. The kitchen was neat, a mixer on the counter and a few clean dishes in the drying rack. He made himself a glass of water, taking a few sips before continuing to wander. He looked at a few of the photos she had sitting on the end tables, mostly her with her family, a few friends, and Smokey. He was glad to finally meet her dog, she talks about him a lot and seeing the love between the two of them was nice.

He bit his lip, glancing at the door she had walked through after they’d come inside. It was clearly to her bedroom and he was tempted to take a look around. He glanced toward the front door before slowly stepping into the bedroom. Her bed was neatly made, and there was a half-packed suitcase against the wall, likely for their business trip this weekend. He slowly walked across the room, taking in a couple of art pieces hanging around before glancing at some old photos sitting on her nightstand. They seemed to be photos of her when she was younger and Ashton smiled as he looked them over.

He pulled himself away from the photos, slowly walking back to the couch and grabbing his laptop, tethering it to his phone so he could check his email. He found something else to work on once he’d read through everything and not long after, Lily and Smokey came back through the door. Ashton looked up as he heard Smokey’s harness fall to the floor and his feet clicking as he ran into the kitchen to get some water.

Lily smiled over at him before following her dog to grab a drink as well. “I’m going to change again and then we’ll go get your car, ok Ash?” she asked, leaning over the counter to look at him.

He nodded and she set her glass down and walked into her bedroom. Smokey came and laid down next to him on the couch, sighing as he got comfortable. Ashton laughed softly, gently scratching behind his ears and he leaned into his hand. He continued petting him until Lily walked back out, grinning at the two of them. He smiled up at her, closing his laptop as his began to get up. Smokey immediately looked up, whining and pushing his head into Ashton’s lap. “I’m not allowed to leave now, am I buddy?” he asked, patting his shoulder.

“I don’t think you are.” Lily laughed, and Smokey wagged his tail in response.

She walked over, crouching down to talk to Smokey and Ashton noticed that she hadn’t changed back into the dress and frowned.

Lily noticed his expression change and hummed, straightening her blouse, “I thought I could save the dress for this weekend,” she stated, quickly realizing what was bothering him. He nodded, glancing at the time on his phone. She said goodbye to Smokey and he gave him one last pat before following her back out to the car, ready to be behind the wheel of his own car again. When she dropped him off at the shop they promised to meet back at the office and she drove off, and Ashton wished he’d offered to get lunch while they were still out, but it was too late.

#ashton irwin #ashton irwin 5sos #ashton 5sos #ashton fletcher irwin #ashton irwin fluff #ashton irwin au #ceo ashton #ash #ashton irwin 5 seconds of summer

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javocjovian · 6 years ago

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The Road So Far...

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Sarasaurussex’s Masterlist

• Bingos • Bangs • Holiday Events • Other Works • Art

»»———————————-　♛　———————————-««

Bingos:

2019

A Supernatural Menagerie A collection of short smutty Supernatural stories! Mostly for Kink and ABO Bingo, plus a few requests. | Chapter | Title - Ship , Kink/Tag/Prompt | ʟɪɴᴋs | Ch 1 | Dress for Success - Destiel, Clothing Sharing | ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ | ᴀᴏ3 | Ch 2 | Work, Work, Work - Sabriel, Rimming | ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ | ᴀᴏ3 | Ch 3 | Bondage Therapy - Wincest, Bondage | ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ | ᴀᴏ3 | Ch 4 | Fully Loaded - Sabriel, Breeding Kink (non-ABO) | ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ | ᴀᴏ3 | Ch 5 | Two Feet Under - Sastiel, Footfetish/Breathplay | ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ | ᴀᴏ3 | Ch 6 | Blood and Flesh, Mind and Soul - Mooseley (Sam x Crowley), Coming Untouched | ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ | ᴀᴏ3 | Ch 7 | Sensory Overload - Sastiel, Scent Kink | ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ | ᴀᴏ3 | Ch 8 | How To Make Sammy Sleep - Wincest, Domestic Kink | ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ | ᴀᴏ3 | Ch 9 | Two Veils To Hide My Face - Wincest, Scent Marking (ABO) | ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ | ᴀᴏ3 | Ch 10 | Wet Dreams May Cum - Debriel, Sleeping/First Times | ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ | ᴀᴏ3 | Ch 11 | Getting To Know You - Sketch (Sam x Ketch), Friends to Lovers/Face Fucking | ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ | ᴀᴏ3 | Ch 12 | An Angel and Demon In Us All - Meg!Sam x Castiel | ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ | ᴀᴏ3 | Ch 13 | Exorcising Those Demons - Balthazar x Rowena, Fake Relationships | ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ | ᴀᴏ3 | Ch 14 | Heaven and Hell - Megstiel, Squirting | ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ | ᴀᴏ3 | Ch 15 | The Trap - Destiel, sub!Dean/Sex Pollen | ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ | ᴀᴏ3 | Ch 16 | Ride ‘Em Cowboy - Destiel, Sexuality Crisis | ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ | ᴀᴏ3 | Ch 17 | Ramble On - Destiel, Oral | ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ | ᴀᴏ3 | Ch 18 | How To Train Your Demon - Dain (Dean x Cain), Caning | ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ | ᴀᴏ3 | Ch 19 | Natural Born Leader - Calthazar, Societal Role Reversal (ABO) | ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ | ᴀᴏ3 | Ch 20 | Whiskey and Spice - Dean x Ketch, Tattoos/Accidental Scent Bond (ABO) | ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ | ᴀᴏ3 | Ch 21 | You’re Mine - Wincest (Demon!Dean x Boyking!Sam), Teasing | ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ | ᴀᴏ3 | Ch 22 | Blueberry Pie - Wincest, Restraints (ABO) | ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ | ᴀᴏ3 | Ch 23 | Down Boy - Wincest, Petplay | ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ | ᴀᴏ3 | Ch 24 | It’s A Farcical Life - Sabriel, Sam Wesson | ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ | ᴀᴏ3 | Ch 25 | Table Manners - Wincest, Voyeurism (ABO) | ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ | ᴀᴏ3 | Ch 26 | Saving Grace - Castiel/Michael/Lucifer | ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ | ᴀᴏ3 | Ch 27 | First Blood - Demon!Dean x Boyking!Sam, Bloodplay (Freespace) | ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ | ᴀᴏ3 | Ch 28 | BONUS | Dress For Success with Art by Purgatory-Jar! | ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ | ᴀᴏ3 |

A Close Shave | tumblr | AO3 | Square: Orgasm Denial Ship: Michael!Dean x Sam, implied Wincest Rating: E Word Count: 5,803 Tags: Orgasm Denial, Forced Orgasm, Aphrodisiacs, Multiple Orgasms, Edging, Teasing, Denial, Oral, Anal, Bondage Summary: Michael!Dean returns to his prisoner and has some fun. Part I not necessary.

Wherever I May Roam | tumblr | AO3 | Square: Roleplay Ship: Destiel, Cockles, Dean Winchester x Misha Collins Rating: E Word Count: 11,432 Tags: Angst, Hurt, Comfort, Heartbreak, Idiots to Lovers, Relationships, Emotional Sex, Realism, Condoms and Lube, Caught in the Act, Jensen & Misha & Dean & Castiel, Jared & Sam, Rejection, Arguments, First Time sex, Happy Ending, Fluff Summary: Sam and Dean get sent to another TV Land that’s slightly different than the last. In this version, Jensen and Misha are dating. Can Dean keep it together long enough to be rescued and avoid ruining his precariously platonic relationship with Castiel? (cue Sam laughing in the background)

Show Me Your Moves - sequel in progress | tumblr | AO3 | Square Filled: Neighbors Ship: Destiel (18yo!Dean x hunter!Castiel) Rating: E Word Count: 12,436 Tags: Top Cas/Bottom Dean, technically legal, age gap, enthusiastic consent, porn with plot, hand jobs, blowjobs, rimming, anal, fun positions, coming too early, multiple orgasms, cum licking, mentions of masturbation, lots of lube usage, horny teen Dean, mentions of abusive John, angst, apologies, Castiel is bad at talking, protective lil Sam, after-care, comfort, fluff Summary: While on a hunt, Castiel the slightly-OCD hunter keeps running into a cocky, sarcastic, drop-dead gorgeous eighteen-year-old named Dean Winchester. Turns out the kid is pretty good at punching ghouls, eating all of Castiel’s food, and getting dirty ;D Also appearing:sassy teen Sam (who volunteers at an animal shelter), Ellen and Jo, and a bunch of dogs. Mentions of John, Mary, Bobby, and Castiel’s angel family.

| SPN Kink Bingo Masterlist (ᴄᴏᴍᴘʟᴇᴛᴇ) | SPN ABO Bingo Masterlist (ɪɴ ᴘʀᴏɢʀᴇss) |

Bangs:

2019

Catch the Wind - Wincest Big Bang 2019 | tumblr | AO3 | WBB post | Ship: Teencest, Wincest, Wincestiel (at the end) Rating: E Word Count: 21,521 Tags: Flashbacks, Timetravel, Action, Angst, Hurt/Comort, John Winchester, OC villain, Choices, the Butterfly effect, Changing the past, Wound Care, Making out, Don’t wake dad, Guilt, Healing Sex, Threesome Warnings: Teenaged Wincest (Sam16, Dean20), canon level gore/violence, emotional parental abuse Summary: When a rogue angel Castiel once spared begins murdering angels on the West Coast, Sam and Dean help Castiel hunt the angel down once and for all. Along the way they find themselves in a place, they stayed in as teenagers. It brings back memories of Sam’s 16th birthday when he was being hunted by a delusional friend of John’s who was determined to stop the next King of Hell. Unbeknownst to Sam, Dean, or Castiel, the past and present are inexplicably intertwined, and sparing the angel in the past has unfathomable consequences for Sam and Dean’s future. Fate, chance, and redemption must all be confronted for the trio to move on.

Lost and Found - Supernatural Trope Celebration 2019 | tumblr | AO3 | STC post | Ship: Sastiel Rating: M Word Count: 12522 Tropes: Amnesia/Memory Loss, Reverse Sex Pollen, Deathbed Confessions Warnings: Mental Heath Issues, Mention of Suicide, AKF Summary: When Sam starts acting strange, Dean’s faith in his brother comes undone, and after a bad fight causes Sam to leave the bunker for good it seems impossible they’ll ever be able to reconcile. But Castiel suspects something more is going on. He finds Sam, only to discover his worst fear: Sam is not himself, and it might be too late to save him. Castiel enlists Rowena to help solve the mystery of Sam’s condition, cure him, and reunite the Winchesters.

Red and Gold - SPN Canon Big Bang 2019 | tumblr | AO3 | CBB post | Ship: Sabriel , Crowbriel (GabrielxCrowley), Crowsabriel (SamxGabrielxCrowley), background Destiel Rating: E Wordcount: 25,906 Warnings: Dub-con Summary: Back from the dead and acting strange, Gabriel finds himself in debt to Crowley. In order to free himself he must fulfill a contract by spying on the Winchesters, who are trying to shut the Gates of Hell. But after Sam catches Gabriel spying on him in the shower (naturally), the contract is voided and Gabriel finds himself enslaved to Crowley as payment. Sam figures out Gabriel’s deal with the devil and tries to help, but ends up caught up in it himself. Eventually, Sam and Crowley discover the cause of Gabriel’s strange behavior, and the unlikely trio of heroes and villains come together to save their favorite feathered frenemy from an even greater threat.

Black Mountain Side - Team Free Will Big Bang 2019 | tumblr | AO3 | TFW post | Ship: Wincestiel, Wincest Rating: E Wordcount: 7,792 Summary: Castiel gets injured on a hunt, causing tension between himself and Dean. Sam is forced to play mediator, but even he can’t predict how the night unravels. Held up in a shack in the mountains, the trio discovers how far they’ll go for each other.

Holiday Events:

2019

Chill Me, Thrill Me: A Supernatural Halloween Story Supernatural Trope Celebration (Halloween Edition) | tumblr | AO3 | Rating: T Trope: For Halloween, I’m Going as Myself Tags: Halloween Party, Costumes, Mystery, Monsters, Hunting, minor Sam Winchester/OC, Making Out, Humor, Holidays Summary: Sam and Dean Winchester get invited to a party on Halloween night, but they have no idea what kind of tricks and treats are in store for them.

What Really Matters Galentine’s Day Fic for @mrswhozeewhatsis | tumblr | AO3 | Ship: Castiel x Dean x Reader Rating: E Tags: Grace Healing, BAMF Castiel, Vulnerable Dean, Protective Dean and Cas, Bunker sex, Threesome, Dean in the middle, Sub Dean, Top Castiel, Power-Bottom Reader, Humor, Fluff, Smut Summery: Dean blames himself when you get injured in a fight. Luckily, you and Castiel know just how to bring him around.

2018

A Very Supernatural Christmas Party | AO3 | Ship: Destiel, Sabriel, mild Crowlthazar Tags: Christmas Smut, Destiel Angst (with a Happy Ending), Humor, Pranks Rating: E Summery: Gabriel and Castiel need dates to Metaron’s annual Christmas party.

Secret Santa Illustrated Fic | AO3 | Rating: G Summery: Crowley comes across a certain celebrity soul in Hell. Written for a fan.

Guess Who’s Coming to Thanksgiving Dinner | AO3 | Rating: G Summery: Sam, Dean, and the gang hit a roadblock on their way to Jody’s for Thanksgiving

Other Works:

Wet Dreams May Cum Debriel Creations Challenge @debrielcc | tumblr | AO3 | February Theme: First Times My Prompt: Sleep/Sleeping Ship: Debriel (Dean/Gabriel, Dean/Gabriel/Dream-Gabriel) Rating: E Tags: Somnophilia, masturbation, wet dreams, embarrassment, first time anal (Dean), hand jobs, prostate milking, wings, consensual, mild pain enjoyment, grace sex, grace bondage, induced sleep, bondage via induced sleep, soul fucking, dream control, dream sex, mind-reading, time-loop Summary: Dean has a wet dream about Gabriel, so Gabriel turns it into reality.

The Angel Who Would Be Human | AO3 | Ship: Gabrizar (Balthazar x Gabriel) Kinks: Shower Sex, Bath Sex, Blow Jobs, Sass Rating: E Summery: Balthazar becomes human for a week. Gabriel give shim a place to stay.

It’s Not Gay If You Don’t Hold Hands | AO3 | Ship: Mooseley, Destiel Kinks: So many. Crowley addicted to Sam’s blood, BDSM, Bondage, Shibari Rope, Cock Cages, Destiel Angst, Wing Kink Rating: E Summery: Set in an alternate universe following the conclusion of Season 9, Sam finds Crowley before he joins up with a newly awakened demon!Dean, and Castiel finds Dean before he can run off on his own. Note: This is my most popular SPN Fic from a few years ago, it’s an unfinished RP

Supernatural x Marvel Mini Bang | AO3 | Rating: T Summery: Mobster AU Crossover featuring the Family Business (Supernatural), the Avengers Assembly (the Avengers/Spiderman), and the L.A. Guardians (Guardians of the Galaxy). Also, Deadpool shows up uninvited.

»»———————————-　♛　———————————-««

Art:

Withheld - DeanCas Reverse Bang Art Withheld - DeanCas Reverse Bang Master Post

I’ll Always Be There - Wincest Reverse Art I’ll Always Be There - Wincest Reverse Master Post

Snowbound - Wincest Reverse Art Snowbound - Wincest Reverse Master Post

The Good, the Bad and the Fluffy - Wincest Reverse Art The Good, the Bad and the Fluffy - Wincest Reverse Master Post

»»——————————————-　♛　——————————————-««

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thebluemartini · 6 years ago

Text

Far From the Shallow - Chapter 5 [Nessian Fic]

FIC LENGTH: Multi-chapter (Total Chapter Estimate: 14)

PREVIOUS CHAPTERS: Chapter 1 / Chapter 2 / Chapter 3 / Chapter 4 TAGGING: @dreaming-of-bohemian-nights @queenofillea1 @trash-for-nessian @nestaarcheronwillkillme @my-fan-side @strangeenemy @maastrash @cageddovepoetry @bybooksanddreams @lilbat90 @ritamordio19 @mastercommandercaptain @feysand-dot-acotar @archeron-queen @welcometothespeaknowworldtour

@empress-ofbloodshed @there-is-warmth-in-winter @mybbyfeyre @saltydreamcollector @aditiiparasharr

@justlikethecheshirecat

@mis-lil-red @supebowlere @monstrousloves-explodinggalaxies

*This chapter is also posted on AO3 and FF

________________________________________________________________

CHAPTER 5: January – Part I

“We’ve been having Azriel pay special attention to Dunclare,” Rhys revealed from his spot next to Feyre on the couch across from Cassian. “He hasn’t heard any rumors or observed anything lately about them wanting to threaten or attack you again.”

Cassian wasn’t surprised. Once Nesta told him that she used some type of power to knock out three Illyrians at Dunclare on Solstice and nearly killed them, he figured Dunclare wouldn’t be threatening them again anytime soon. If they thought she was a witch, they’d be frightened of her power and wouldn’t dare try to attack again without knowing how to combat her power.

They didn’t realize she didn’t know how to use her power. Cassian thanked the gods for that.

“But,” Rhys continued. “Azriel has apparently heard them spreading word about a witch in the camps, and he believes they are referring to Nesta.” Rhys and Feyre both looked up at Cassian with a puzzled look as they said this.

Cassian’s heart began to race. He knew there was no way he was going to be able to avoid talking about Nesta at this meeting, but part of him still hoped he’d be able to graze over the fact that she came to Dunclare. Because talking about her made him anxious for two reasons: one being that Nesta forbade him from telling them she was pregnant, and second, she also ordered him to not tell them of her newly discovered power.

A power that had not resurfaced since that night. In the two weeks since the Solstice, Cassian would have her grab his arms to see if she could make it happen again, insisting they should learn how this power of hers worked. He knew she would be able to stop it if it did occur, considering she left the Illyrians at Dunclare alive. Reluctantly, Nesta attempted to unleash the power, but nothing happened each time.

When he first wrote to Rhys and Feyre to inform them what happened at Dunclare, Nesta did permit him to say that she went with him (after much pleading from him, not wanting to have to lie even more to his His Lord and Lady). But she did not want him to tell them about her power because she didn’t think her sisters deserved to know anything about her life, so he neglected to mention how exactly the two of them escaped Dunclare camp.

“What makes them think she’s a witch?” Feyre asked.

Cassian swallowed nervously as he tried to come up with a way to avoid talking about Nesta’s new power that the few Illyrians at Dunclare experienced first-hand. “Remember when Nesta met Devlon for the first time? He thought she was a witch, and she claimed she was one too. I think it stems from that.”

“But did anything happen at Dunclare that would make them think she was a witch?” Feyre wondered. “I was shocked she even went with you.”

“Nesta demanded to come with me,” Cassian stated.

“Why?”

“She was threatened by the dead birds as well and felt like she should go too.”

Feyre slowly nodded in response but still seemed bewildered. “And how did the two of you escape?”

Cassian had been trying to come up with an adequate explanation for this his entire flight to Velaris that morning. He didn’t want to come up with an entirely new story. As close to the truth as possible would be best...meaning he would still say Nesta was the one who knocked out the Illyrians. But her method of doing so would have to be different...

“When I was unconscious, Nesta managed to catch them unaware and struck them all with a metal bowl to knock them out. Then we walked away from the camp until I was able to fly us out of there,” Cassian explained. “Perhaps, the Illyrians were just amazed she managed to hit them so hard with the way they view females and all, and that’s why they still think she’s a witch.” Cassian shrugged.

Rhys and Feyre considered his words and seemed to nod along in agreement that that was a possibility.

Cassian nearly sighed out of relief.

“Well, I’m glad you didn’t go alone,” Rhys commented. “Azriel and I are going to pay them a visit on Saturday to remind them who their High Lord is and the consequences of murdering the General Commander,” Rhys continued. “I wish I could just take Orion’s war-lordship away,” he muttered.

“Me too,” Cassian growled. But if Rhys just took the war-lordship away from Orion, all the other Illyrian camps and war-lords would take it as another slight against them. There were no witnesses to the near-murder. It was Cassian and Nesta’s word against the three Illyrians.

There was no way the rest of the Dunclare camp and the other Illyrian camps would take the word of their bastard commander and his supposed witch and whore.

“Are you going with Rhys to Dunclare?” Cassian asked as he looked at Feyre.

“No, I’ll be staying here,” she stated. “I’ll be busy teaching art classes all day on Saturday.”

Cassian nodded, taking note of this information. He had told Nesta he had wanted to take her shopping for new clothes in Velaris, but when he had brought it up again last week, she expressed that she didn’t want to risk running into the Inner Circle or Elain.

But with Rhys going to visit Dunclare, Feyre preoccupied with art classes, and Elain never leaving the estate (as Feyre had mentioned to him earlier)...then perhaps he could convince Nesta to go.

Rhys and Feyre turned to look at each other then, and Cassian could tell they were talking to each other through the bond.

That bond that he was so jealous of. For centuries, he didn’t believe the mating bond was anything special, having witnessed bonds between couples who seemed so unhappy with each other...but Rhys and Feyre were proof that the bond could be special and extraordinary.

He wanted that. For centuries, he had felt so...lonely. Sure, he had the Inner Circle and had had many lovers...but he longed for something more. With someone.

Rhys suddenly got up and left the room, leaving Feyre to stare directly at Cassian.

“How is Nesta doing?” she asked softly.

Well, she’s pregnant, which appeared to shake her out of her state of emptiness. The baby has seemed to encourage her to find a purpose, to better herself. Because of the child, she avoids alcohol. She eats and is looking much healthier. She eats with me and talks to me. She’s still as fierce as ever. And now she apparently has the power to slow down a fae’s heartbeat and nearly kill them.

That’s what Cassian wished he could say.

He took a deep breath. “She’s well. She hasn’t had any alcohol, and she eats. She’s looking much healthier.”

Feyre smiled as her eyes lit up. “That’s wonderful! Do you think...I could come visit her?”

It would be one way for her to discover Nesta’s pregnancy...but Nesta would never forgive him if he allowed Feyre to come visit, knowing the bitterness she still harbored towards her. He had come so far with Nesta...he couldn’t ruin what had developed between them...An alliance? A friendship? Whatever it was, he didn’t want to risk losing her trust.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” he answered hesitantly. “She’s...still angry at you.”

The smile on Feyre’s face disappeared, but she nodded in understanding.

Still, the desire to tell her that her sister was pregnant gnawed at him. He was essentially lying to his High Lady...

He’d need to get out of here before he blurted out the news. Abruptly, he stood up. “I better get going.”

Feyre nodded and stood up to follow him out of the room. When they reached the entryway, she hugged him goodbye as Rhys appeared.

“Are you sure you don’t want one of us to just winnow you back?” she asked.

“He’s probably thankful to have more time away from Nesta by flying,” Rhys commented. Feyre frowned.

“Yeah,” Cassian lied half-heartedly. It’s seemed to be the best coverup for the real reason...the fact that he couldn’t risk Rhys or Feyre seeing a pregnant Nesta. “But you know I love flying too.”

After a quick embrace with Rhys, he stepped outside of Feyre and Rhys’ home and took off to the sky.

________________________________________________________________

When he arrived back at his cabin, he didn’t see Nesta anywhere. Knowing she often took walks around the camp, he decided to go look for her.

He certainly did not expect to find her in the middle of one of the training rings.

He spotted her crouching down in the middle of the ring, wrapping a young Illyrian boy’s arm. As he approached, he found Emerie leaning against the fence surrounding the ring.

“What is she doing?” he wondered as he stood next to Emerie and watched Nesta talk to the boy. He couldn’t hear what they were saying but he could tell from Nesta’s features that she was speaking to him gently and sweetly...There was no sign of a frown or a smug smirk. He wasn’t sure he had ever seen Nesta talk to someone like that before.

“The boy got hurt during training. When the training ended, she rushed over to him and started bandaging his arm with her pieces of her shirt,” Emerie explained.

Suddenly, an older female approached the ring opposite Cassian and Emerie. The female looked at Nesta and scowled. Then she looked at the young boy. “Talon!” she shouted. “I told you to stay away from that witch! Get over here!”

The boy immediately ran over to the woman. Nesta just stared at them as they walked away. When they were out of sight, Nesta made her way back to where he and Emerie stood. Upon seeing Cassian, Nesta appeared startled, but quickly composed herself and walked with more determination toward them.

“Are Illyrian children taught anything else besides how to fight?” she immediately questioned them upon reaching them.

“Hello, sweetheart. The journey from Velaris was great. Thanks for asking,” Cassian sarcastically stated in response to her abrupt question.

Nesta rolled her eyes. “Just answer the question. And let’s start walking back. The baby is hungry,” she stated with a slight edge to her voice.

Nesta started to walk away, and Cassian and Emerie followed after her.

“The only formal lessons they have are for fighting,” Cassian answer seriously.

“Only their family members - if they are literate - will teach them to read and write. Their mothers teach their daughters how to cook and clean,” Emerie piped in.

“Hmm,” was all Nesta said on the matter before she began to button up her coat over her now torn-up shirt without losing her stride.

Cassian glanced over at her and noticed that the shirt she was wearing seemed familiar…

“Are you wearing my shirt?” he asked, unable to hide his bewilderment.

“I assume so. I found it in one of the drawers in my room. My dresses are too snug,” she stated simply.

“I’m surprised you would willingly wear something of mine considering you always complain of my supposed stench,” he remarked.

And he was also surprised how...even more attractive he found her to be while wearing one of his shirts.

“Oh, I made sure to wash it twice before wearing it,” she said smugly.

Cassian grinned back. “As much as I adore the fact that you’ve actually deigned to wear one of my shirts, I found out today that Rhys will visiting Dunclare on Saturday and Feyre is going to be busy teaching art classes, so perhaps, we can go shopping in Velaris.”

“Where will Elain be?” Nesta questioned him seriously.

“She never leaves the estate.”

“And Azriel?”

“Will be with Rhys.”

“And Mor?”

“In the Winter Court.”

“Amren?”

“Still in the Summer Court.”

Nesta took a deep breath. “You’re positive that my sister will be busy teaching art classes?”

“Yes.”

She took another deep breath. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Okay, I’ll go.”

Cassian grinned. “Excellent.”

________________________________________________________________

The scarf that Nesta had wrapped around her face was beginning to itch. But she refused to remove it.

Cassian thought she was crazy when she put the scarf on as well as the hood of her jacket, leaving her eyes to be the only visible part of her face.

“You do remember that Velaris is not as cold as it is here, right?” Cassian had said earlier that day.

She had glared at him as he lifted her in his arms and proceeded to explain how there were some people in Velaris who could recognize her as their High Lady’s sister.

...Then there was also the fact that following the war, somehow many of the Night Court inhabitants knew that Nesta and Cassian had nearly died together on the battlefield. She didn’t want anyone getting the wrong idea about them shopping together...especially since she was now visibly pregnant. But of course, she did not voice this reason aloud to Cassian.

Looking up at him as they soared through the sky toward Velaris, she was...surprised. Surprised at the contentment upon his face as he carried her and surprised at the ease she even felt to be within his arms.

As if feeling her gaze, he glanced down at her with a smile. “Almost there,” he said before grabbing her more tightly and swooping down toward the ground.

Even though the flight took hours, she found that she wished she was in the security of his embrace for a little while longer when they landed on the sidewalk and Cassian put her down on the ground.

Shaking off whatever feeling that was - it was probably because of the pregnancy, she told herself - she stepped away from him and looked from left to right at the shops along the street before them. It was her first time in Velaris in months.

And...she didn’t exactly miss it.

She turned around and looked past the buildings of the bustling city to a more run-down area of the seemingly spotless city. There lied her old apartment, all the seedy bars she frequented...

She didn’t miss that area either.

Bringing a hand up to her stomach, she started rubbing circles as she thought about what that period of time left her with.

“Want to head this way? I know of a shop with maternity clothes down there,” Cassian stated, causing her to turn around. He gestured with his hand pointing to the left.

Nesta nodded and began strolling alongside Cassian down the sidewalk. The street was filled with a fair amount of fae who were shopping in the strip of shops. To her relief, none of them seemed to pay them any attention. With Cassian’s status, she wasn’t sure if he’d draw attention.

But there was a family that caught her attention.

A male and a female, who she assumed was married, were walking toward them as their two young children skipped excitedly while holding their hands. The parents’ faces seemed to radiate joy as they smiled and happily replied to their curious children’s questions.

She couldn’t help but wonder...would that be what she would be like with her child? Would she be able to remain patient and gentle and excitedly talk to him or her about what they were going to do that day?

And would anyone ever be by her side to be patient and gentle and excited with her?

“I think they’re off to the winter fair,” Cassian said as the family passed them, and Nesta tilted her head to the side to look up at him.

“The fair?” she questioned, her voice muffled from the scarf around her mouth.

“Every year, for a month after Solstice, Velaris hosts a winter fair. There’s usually food, games, music, sleigh rides…”

Nesta nodded along, indicating she had heard him. A small smile, hidden by her scarf, came across her face as she thought back to when she was younger, when her family was wealthy, and the fair would come to their village. She would run around excitedly, and Elain would chase after her. She’d play the kids version of horseshoes and try to win ribbons for her hair, and she’d ride the beautiful ponies again and again.

Time was much simpler then, she realized as she stared down at her hands before rubbing her stomach once more.

“Here’s the store,” Cassian announced and led her to the shop’s door, opening it for her and gesturing for her to enter. Nesta walked inside the small shop that was compact with various maternity dresses. She was relieved to find that no other customers were present in the store. Only the shopkeeper was there, standing behind the counter and smiling brightly up at them as they came inside.

Nesta strode over to one rack of dresses and began flipping through them, one after another, searching for ones that caught her eye. As she did so, she noticed Cassian going through the dresses on the rack opposite hers.

She paused her search and looked up at him. “What are you doing?” she asked.

“Looking for dresses for you,” he replied, still looking at the dresses.

“Why? I figured you would’ve just dropped me off and left to go to another store to buy cologne or something.”

Cassian stopped going through the dresses to look back over across the rack at her. “Is that your way of telling me to go buy cologne to cover up my supposed stench you always complain about?”

“Maybe,” she remarked as a small devious smile came across her face. But in reality, she didn’t mind Cassian’s scent...she only minded the fact that it was his scent.

“Well, I’d have to bring you along to shop for cologne to tell me which one actually covers up my stench,” he added as he resumed looking through the dresses.

Nesta went back to moving the dresses across the rack as she looked through each one. “But why are you shopping with me now?”

“I simply have an eye for picking out dresses,” he said as he grabbed the hanger holding a chartreuse-colored dress and pulled it off the rack to look at it more closely.

Nesta rolled her eyes after glancing at the dress he grabbed. “That is an ugly shade of green. If that’s your idea of a nice dress, then you are a blind bat.”

“Perhaps, I was searching for a color to match this unpleasant aspect of your personality,” he commented casually as he threw a playful grin her way.

Nesta narrowed her eyes but said nothing in return as she continued going through the clothing on the rack.

After Cassian hung the chartreuse dress back up, he looked over at her again. “No rebuttal?” he asked in a surprised tone.

“I’m too busy plotting the ways I could strangle you for such a comment,” she said casually.

“Sweetheart, if all you wanted to do was get your hands on me, all you have to do is ask,” he stated with a smug grin. “No strangling necessary.”

Nesta managed to not let a groan escape her lips. “Do you think if I wore this dress as I murdered you, your blood on it would be less noticeable?” she asked as she lifted up a crimson dress.

“Ha. Ha,” Cassian stated drily, the cocky grin disappearing from his face.

Instead, a smug smile appeared on Nesta’s face. She draped the crimson dress over her arm as she continued her search.

Eventually, she moved onto other racks, grabbing a few dresses that caught her eye and carried them in her arms. Cassian went to different racks and picked out some dresses as well.

Once Nesta was finished looking, she looked around to find Cassian. “I’m going to try these on,” she announced to him when she spotted him nearby.

Cassian immediately walked over to her. “Try these on too,” he instructed as he placed three dresses in her arms on top of her bundle of dresses.

The top dress was a black silk one that seemed sophisticated and elegant. She mostly wanted just simple, casual dresses. She couldn’t foresee a moment during her pregnancy where she would need a dress for a special occasion.

“I don’t think I’ll need this black one…” Nesta began to say. “It’s too...fancy.”

“Just try it on,” Cassian gently suggested. “You never know.”

Nesta simply nodded, not wanting to start a spat over this. It was a pretty dress. She wouldn’t mind simply trying it on.

The shopkeeper, clearly having heard their conversation, strode over to her and gathered the dresses from her arms, then led her over to one of the fitting rooms, shoving the curtain to the side and hanging up the dresses within the small room. “Let me know if you need any help,” the shopkeeper kindly offered before departing the room.

Shedding her winter coat, scarf and a shirt she borrowed from Cassian, Nesta tried on a simple, blue dress. Seeing that it fit nicely and comfortably, she took off the dress and went onto the next one.

As she was sliding on the crimson one, she heard Cassian’s voice call out to her. “Aren’t you going to come out?”

“Why?”

“So we can see how the dresses look like on you, sweetheart.”

His use of the nickname “sweetheart” still peeved her, but she was tired of trying to break that habit of his. Now all it did was make her heart yearn for the day someone would genuinely call her sweetheart.

But she wouldn’t dwell on it.

Because after all, in his words, he didn’t understand why her sisters loved her. So why yearn for something that would never come to be?

Nesta took a slow, calming breath as she stared in the mirror. Her stomach was bigger, and her breasts were much fuller. In her eyes, she was beginning to look and feel like an elephant.

“I don’t think that’s necessary,” Nesta yelled back to him.

As she twirled in front of the mirror to test the flow of the dress, she overheard the shopkeeper talking with Cassian.

“When is your baby due?” she heard the female voice say.

“In May,” Cassian replied kindly, and when she didn’t hear him correct the shopkeeper about their relationship, Nesta’s eyes nearly bulged out of their sockets.

“You two will make such a cute family,” the shopkeeper said.

“I think so, too,” Cassian said, and Nesta just knew he was grinning mischievously as he said it.

Shoving the curtain to the side, she stormed out of the stall. “CASSIAN! I AM GOING TO MURDER YOU!” she shouted.

Cassian was clearly in the middle of throwing the shopkeeper a charming smile her way, but when Nesta appeared, he turned his face toward her and his mouth dropped slightly open.

“You’ve already killed me,” he breathed as he stared at her.

“Excuse me?” Nesta asked angrily and put her hands on her hips, not sure if she had heard him correctly.

“You look stunning in that dress,” he said, still staring at her as if he was completely mesmerized.

“Just because I’m pregnant and may feel unattractive doesn’t give you the right to tell me fake compliments,” she barked back at him.

“I’m not lying,” he said firmly and calmly, his eyes still gazing at her.

Nesta narrowed her eyes at him. Then with a huff, she turned around to head back into the changing room and immediately shuffled out of the crimson dress.

As she removed another dress from a hangar and slid it up over her body, she realized she never even reprimanded Cassian for his words that sent her out of her fitting room in the first place. She sighed with frustration.

“Show us the next dress!” she suddenly heard Cassian shout.

“No,” she hissed loudly as she looked at herself in the mirror.

“Will you at least show me the black dress I picked out?” Cassian pleaded.

“Not until you explain to the shopkeeper that we are not together,” Nesta requested through clenched teeth.

Nesta turned her attention toward the remaining dresses she had not tried on yet and looked for the black one Cassian chose. With its lacey sleeves and silky skirt, the dress was meant for a special occasion. Nesta was sure she wouldn’t be attending such an occasion anytime soon. What would she need a dress like this for?

“Well, we have been living together for four months,” Cassian pointed out, “But we are not a couple and I am not the father of her child,” she heard him explain.

Begrudgingly, Nesta slid on the black dress. Without even looking in the mirror, she stepped outside the changing room.

Cassian looked up at her and stared once again. “Alena, go ahead and charge this one to my account,” he said without taking his eyes off of Nesta.

“Yes, General,” the shopkeeper replied as she scuttled over to the register.

“What? You don’t need to do that,” Nesta remarked as she crossed her arms against her chest. “I’m never even going to have an occasion to wear this!”

“We’ll make sure there is one,” Cassian replied softly as he approached her. “You look beautiful,” he murmured as he pushed a strand of her hair away from her face and tucked it behind her ear.

Nesta closed her eyes and took a deep breath as he did so.

He was entirely too close.

She turned on her heel and went back into the changing room.

She then proceeded to try on the other dresses she had gathered. Taking the ones she felt were comfortable and best flattered her growing figure, she made her way to the counter where the shopkeeper stood.

As Alena went through each dress and analyzed each price tag to calculate her total, Nesta turned her head back to find Cassian wandering aimlessly through the aisles of clothing. As if he felt her eyes upon him, he looked up at her and gave her a warm smile as he began to make his way toward her.

“I wish my boyfriend would look at me the way the General looks at you, let alone compliment me the way he does,” Alena whispered.

Nesta jerked her head back to face the shopkeeper. “Excuse me?”

Alena gave her a soft smile. “Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Nesta sternly replied.

Alena just shrugged and smiled, then announced the total she owed right as Cassian appeared at her side.

“I’ll need my allowance to pay for this,” Nesta remarked as she turned her head to look at Cassian.

Looking at him turned out to be a mistake as she found him gazing warmly at her, still smiling. The look stirred something within her that made her instantly look away.

“Just charge them all to my account,” Cassian instructed to Alena.

Alena immediately shot a quick grin Nesta’s way as soon as he said it. Nesta let out a frustrated sigh. “You don’t need to take pity on me. Just pay for it with the allowance my sister gave you.”

“Consider it a late Solstice present,” Cassian replied nonchalantly.

Nesta let out another irritated sigh.

“Alena, we’ll be back to pick the dresses up at the end of the day,” Cassian quickly said before Nesta could say anything more.

Alena nodded in response, packing the dresses in a sack and stowing them behind the counter. Nesta looked back at Cassian with wide eyes. “The end of the day? Aren’t we flying back to the Mountains?”

“I thought you and the baby might be hungry?” Cassian said, searching her eyes to see if he was correct.

Alena shot another annoying grin her way upon hearing Cassian’s suggestion.

She wished she could say Cassian was wrong and get them out of this insufferable city as soon as possible.

But truthfully...she was starving. And she’d probably tear Cassian’s head off during the long flight back if she didn’t get some food in her.

He was so good at keeping her well-fed…

Nesta slowly nodded in response, then put her jacket on and her scarf around her neck. Before moving to wrap it around her face, she gave a pointed look to Alena. “If the High Lord or Lady know that I or Cassian was here today, I’ll have your head.”

“Nesta,” Cassian chided.

“Understood,” Alena simply stated without the slightest bit of fear.

Nesta, looking pleased, wrapped the scarf around her face as Cassian bid his goodbye to Alena, and they headed out of the store.

When they stepped outside, Nesta lifted up her hood to cover her head and heard Cassian sigh beside her.

“Have something to say?” she questioned him as he led the way down the sidewalk.

“You’re just...ridiculous,” Cassian said with an amused grin.

“Well, you’re insufferable,” Nesta replied.

“Liar,” he asserted. “If I was truly insufferable, you wouldn’t be standing next to me right now.”

“This pregnancy has made me much more emotional, and the mother in me doesn’t want a lonely bastard like you wandering the streets alone.”

“And the lies continue,” Cassian commented in an amused tone. “We both know that you relish in walking the city streets next to a dashing, attractive male.”

“If only there was one here to walk next to,” she shot back with an amused grin.

Cassian winced. “I walked right into that insult.”

“Indeed,” Nesta confirmed. “Where are we going?”

“There’s a few restaurants at the end of this street that we can pick from.”

Nesta nodded as she turned her head toward the shop windows they were passing by. One was filled with kitchenware, another with unique and colorful jewelry and another with baby-related items.

“Let’s go inside and take a look,” Cassian suddenly announced. He must’ve caught her staring at the baby toys through the window as they walked. He grabbed her hand and whisked her into the store.

And despite the sudden action, all she could focus on was the feel of Cassian’s hand in hers. How his grasp was firm and tight around it.

She nearly squeezed his hand, but stopped herself when she remembered the powers that once flowed from her hands. She instantly let go of him, and he followed suit.

Looking up, she found themselves surrounded by racks and shelves of various items for babies, like clothing, bottles, carriages, and more.

Strolling up to one of the racks, she stared at the colorful clothing and kept leisurely walking along the aisle until she reached the stuffed toys.

It didn’t feel real.

To be looking at baby clothing and toys and various supplies for taking care of a baby, knowing that in five months’ time, she’d be cradling a baby in her arms, using all the various items that currently surrounded her.

She took a deep breath. How in the world she could possibly be ready for that sort of life?

“Nesta…” Cassian began hesitantly from his spot near a rack of baby clothing. “Is there a chance the child could...have wings?”

Nesta perked her head up to look over at him. He wasn’t looking at her. Instead, he was staring down at a piece of clothing he held in his hands.

“Yes,” she answered hesitantly as she thought back to the times she slept with an Illyrian to spite Cassian.

Cassian’s wings seemed to sag out of sadness as he looked back at her. “I wasn’t sure if we’d need to find clothes to accommodate wings,” he revealed quietly.

We.

Even though Cassian had told her he’d be there for her and help her with this raising this child, she still felt shocked every time he alluded to helping her and the baby.

She nodded back at him, then turned back to the shelves of various rattles and toys. She couldn’t handle thinking about her child potentially having wings right now. There were too many other things to worry about.

As she strolled along, she came across a few wooden cribs.

A crib. She would need a crib.

Let alone a room for the baby.

And a home.

Would she really live with Cassian, at least until her year deemed by Feyre was up? Would he even still want her living under the same roof once she had the child?

Nesta took a deep breath and grabbed hold of one of the wooden crib’s railings to lean against it and closed her eyes.

She wasn’t sure how she would ever get used to the idea of having a child. Being thrown into a world she did not know and did not care for and now had to raise a child within it...It was overwhelming.

Suddenly, she felt a warm hand press against her shoulder. “Nesta, are you alright?” Cassian asked. “What’s wrong?”

Nesta opened her eyes and turned to look at him. “It’s nothing,” she replied. “I’m just...hungry.” It may not have been the real reason why she was feeling distressed, but she was still feeling famished.

“Let’s go eat then,” Cassian stated. “I was just thinking that maybe we could go eat at the fair?”

“Okay,” Nesta softly said as her childhood memories of the fair flooded back to her. Perhaps the fair would be a good distraction for her...

She turned her whole body around to begin walking alongside Cassian toward the exit.

As they wandered along the sidewalk toward the fair, more and more fae populated the streets. It seemed like everyone was heading to the fair.

And there were families. Many, many families.

When they stepped through the fair’s gates, Nesta felt like all she could see were the many children roaming about. Nothing else.

But her focus was broken when she felt a hand press upon the center of her back. She tilted her head up to find Cassian giving her a brief smile before turning his head forward to continue guiding her with him to one of the many food stands.

Did he really look at her in a special way, as the shopkeeper had suggested?

He certainly took care of her...but that was out of honor toward his mother. That’s all it was.

Nothing more.

“Sit here to rest your feet,” Cassian suddenly stated as he stopped by a bench and gestured for her to sit down. “I’ll get us some food.”

Nesta simply nodded before taking a seat as Cassian wandered off to one of the nearby food stands. After he had cooked for her for the past few months, she figured he would know what food she would like. Plus, her feet were starting to feel a bit sore.

How did he seem to always know what she needed before she even fully realized it herself?

Choosing not to dwell on it, she turned her attention back to the event surrounding her. As she scanned the area, her eyes landed on the sleigh rides that were happening near the edge of the Sidra. The sleighs glided along a pathway amongst the various trees and twinkling lights and were led by a magical creature that was similar to a horse.

One of the few pleasant memories she had of her mother was riding in a sleigh led by a horse with her when she was very young that led them through the village and ended at a pond where they went ice skating.

At that moment, she saw a young girl excitedly hop into a sleigh with an older female who she assumed was her mother.

Is this how her relationship with her children would be? Would they go to fairs together and ride a sleigh or carriage? Would they come here to celebrate Solstice?

Even though she certainly was not fond of Velaris, would she need to put those feelings aside to best raise her child?

Which brought her back to wondering what would happen after the birth and her year in the Illyrian mountains was up. Where would she go? Would she even be allowed to stay in the mountains?

Would she even want to stay there, with the way they treated females and children?

The thought brought back the memory of the other day when she walked around Windhaven and found very young Illyrians training. When one boy was scratched on the arm by another boy’s dagger and it hadn’t been tended to by the end of the session, she had decided to tend to it herself.

As everyone left the ring, the upset boy had dragged behind, looking very upset. She had approached him and ripped off a strip of Cassian’s shirt. The boy had eyed her warily, but when she gestured that she wanted to bandage his arm, he slowly stuck out his arm.

He was not a shy fellow and openly lamented that he hated learning how to fight and would rather learn how to be a healer and help bandage people up as she was doing herself.

Children shouldn’t even be learning how to fight at such a young age.

If she stayed in the Illyrian Mountains after the birth, would her child be pressured into fighting? Or would the Illyrians want nothing to do with her?

Cassian suddenly appeared beside her with an outstretched hand holding a skewer with pieces of meat on it. Nesta accepted it, and then stared at it within her hand.

She’d need to remove the scarf around her mouth to eat it. And there was an overwhelming amount of people around them. Plenty of chances that someone would recognize her as the High Lady’s sister.

Cassian eyed her curiously and was just opening his mouth to speak when Nesta interrupted him.

“Let’s go on a sleigh ride,” she quickly interjected before standing up abruptly and heading in the direction of the sleighs. She didn’t even wait for Cassian and simply assumed he was following after her.

The sleigh rides disappeared away from view when they went through a small, wooded forest. That would give her time to eat her food without the worries of being seen by someone.

When she reached the sleighs, she could sense Cassian right behind her. An attendant greeted the General and gestured for them to board the next sleigh.

Once they sat on the cushioned seat, Nesta still held out her skewer and just stared at it as the sleigh began to slide through the snow. Once it went behind the trees, Nesta yanked off her scarf and took a few bites of her food.

Cassian shook his head when she started eating. “And here I thought you just wanted to be alone with me.”

“Then you’re clearly delusional and should be checked out the next time I meet with the healer,” Nesta commented sternly before taking another bite.

Cassian gave her a concerned look. “How are you feeling? Is there a reason you need to see the healer?”

“Nothing besides the regular checkup,” she answered as she rubbed her stomach with her free hand. “As far as I can tell, everything seems fine.”

“And...how are you feeling otherwise?”

Nesta arched her eyebrow. “Otherwise?”

“How are you feeling...emotionally?”

“You mean, other than wanting to strangle you most of the time?”

Cassian smirked. “I mean, how are you feeling about the pregnancy?”

Nesta shrugged. “Fine.”

“You just seemed...troubled in the last shop,” he stated hesitantly.

“Well, I’m fine,” she said more harshly than she intended.

Cassian took a sharp breath and dropped his now empty skewer beside him. “I noticed you were looking at the cribs...” he began calmly. “It was supposed to be your Solstice present, but I haven’t finished it yet. I started to build a crib for the baby, so you don’t need to worry about buying one.”

Nesta perked her head up and stared straight at Cassian. “What?” she whispered.

“And I’ve started cleaning out my study, too, so we can turn it into the baby’s room.”

For a moment, Nesta felt like she couldn’t breathe. “You...you don’t need to do that. I’m sure your mother would be satisfied with you just providing -” she began.

“I’m not doing this for my mother,” he interjected as he stared into her eyes.

“Well, you certainly don’t need to do this because I’m Feyre’s sister!” she exclaimed.

“I’m not,” Cassian answered gently.

“Then why?”

“Because I care about you,” he revealed softly.

Nesta sat straight up and turned her face to look out at the trees they were passing and to avoid Cassian’s gaze. She put her empty skewer down on the seat. “I don’t understand why you would,” she revealed honestly.

“While you can be difficult most of the time,” he began, and Nesta could tell from the tone of his voice that he was probably smirking as he said it. “I’ve enjoyed living with you the past few months. And I think you have too.”

“I don’t know what makes you think that,” she replied sternly, but inside...she marveled at his care for her the past few months. She did not fully understand it nor felt deserving of it. But she was tremendously grateful.

“You’re telling me you haven’t enjoyed plotting how to handle the Illyrians together? Living together? Eating meals together? Spending today together?”

Nesta’s eyes fluttered closed, but she said nothing. To admit if she had enjoyed it...would be opening herself up to potential heartbreak. The males in her life seemed to always let her down. She should be detached from this.

Before...he wasn’t there for her.

But he’s here now, a voice inside her seemed to say.

“Even flying together?” he added.

“Not when you pretend to fall out of the sky!” she immediately shouted as she turned to face him.

“But otherwise, you enjoy it,” he said with a smug grin. He slid his hand across the seat cushion and stopped it beside her hand.

“I tolerate it,” she remarked.

Cassian still smiled but shook his head. “You’re a tough one to crack, Archeron.”

Nesta gave him the slightest smile before turning away to return to looking at the passing scenery.

“Did you know that you remind me of my mother?” he wondered aloud.

“I think we’ve already established that I am pregnant, and the baby’s father is not around to help take care of the baby, similar to your mother’s situation.”

“Well, yes, but there’s more to it than that,” he said. “I have only the vaguest memory of my mother spitting upon the boots of the Illyrian leaders when they took me away from her as soon as I could walk to bring me to Windhaven. She fought so hard to prevent me from going, they had to restrain her. Even though she’d been abandoned by my father and was alone and outcasted by her camp, she fought. I heard that even after they took me away, she tried everyday to convince the leaders to bring me back to her or to let her come to me. She was resilient and fearless...like you.”

Was that even true, with the way she acted only a few months ago? She certainly didn’t feel resilient and fearless. More like, just surviving and getting by so her child doesn’t experience what she went through with her father not caring about her well-being.

She didn’t dare voice these thoughts aloud to Cassian. Instead, she continued to focus her attention on the trees while keeping her face turned away from Cassian.

“You don’t have any other memories of your mother?” she wondered.

He shook his head. “No. I only have a few stories others have told me of her and some of her belongings the Illyrians allowed her to send to me before she died.”

“At least you have that,” Nesta said gently.

“Do you have any memories of your mother?”

“Only a few pleasant ones. I remember going on sleigh rides with her when the fair would come to town,” she stated. “She taught me how to braid my hair and would take me to buy dresses. Appearance meant everything to her. Actually, maintaining a high status was probably the most important thing to her. It was more important than taking care of us. So that’s what the servants were for.”

She never truly minded how her mother treated her and sisters. She still had a few pleasant memories of her...probably because she only spent a limited amount of time with her. She had clung tightly to her father’s love instead and felt like it was enough...until it proved to be her undoing.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered as he moved his hand so it rested on hers on the cushion.

Nesta shrugged. “So you were forced to begin training as soon as you could walk?”

Cassian nodded.

“That’s horrible,” she commented. “And that young boy I saw who was injured during training...he didn’t even want to train. He was forced.”

Cassian sighed. “Unfortunately, that’s how it is. A male that doesn’t train to be a warrior would be considered an embarrassment to the family and to the entire camp.”

“That is ridiculous.”

“I agree.”

She turned back to face Cassian. “You need to do something about it,” she firmly stated.

“I will,” he insisted. “But I have to go one step at a time with these fools. Right now, I’m focusing on allowing females to be trained.”

“But the children -” Nesta began to protest.

“I’ll take care of them,” he hurriedly cut in. “In time. Their fathers agree to the training and the females aren’t allowed to disobey them. It’ll take time to change their mindset.”

Nesta sighed as she pulled her hand out of Cassian’s grasp and crossed her arms against herself.

“And I can’t do that without your help,” Cassian added seriously.

“Well, obviously. Someone needs to be around to save you from being poisoned again,” Nesta remarked, desperately needing to avoid the heaviness of Cassian’s words.

“And luckily, you’re already an expert in that area,” Cassian commented and then he gave her the look again as he brought his hand up to her face to slide a strand of her hair behind her ear.

It was the second time he had done that that day, but this time she didn’t move. There was nowhere to run to, and she found herself staring intently right back at Cassian.

His hand lingered on her cheek. She wondered if his heart was rapidly beating just like hers.

The sleigh suddenly came to an abrupt halt, causing them both to look up and realize their sleigh ride had come to an end. Nesta gasped as the crowds were now back in view, and she realized she needed to put her scarf back on.

“Stay right there,” she ordered Cassian before he could start exiting the sleigh. “Don’t move.” At first, Cassian appeared confused, but when she began pulling her hood down to rewrap her scarf around the bottom half of her face all while hiding behind his hulking body, he understood and rolled his eyes.

After she brought her hood back up, she looked back up at him. “Okay, we can go now.”

Cassian stood up and stepped out of the sleigh. As soon as his feet planted on the snowy ground, he turned toward her to grab hold of her hand and help her down from the sleigh.

But as they started walking away from the sleigh, he did not let go.

And against her better judgment, she didn’t either.

________________________________________________________________

He had almost kissed her.

And he still wanted to kiss her.

But now she had that silly scarf around her face, blocking her lips from him.

For now, he’d simply have to settle for holding her hand as they made their way through the crowds. Shockingly, she had not yet let go of it yet.

And that was enough to put him in a state of bliss. The only disappointing thing happening at this moment was the fact they would have to head back to his cabin soon. It had been such an easy-going and pleasant day with her. And it had been so nice to see her walk soberly down the streets of Velaris. It helped dampen the memories of finding her drunk out of her mind, stumbling out of bars with other males.

But having those memories and seeing her now proved her resilience.

He wished he could tell her he was proud of her. He almost did...but held back, unsure of how she would take him making such a comment.

She already had been difficult when he simply told her she looked beautiful earlier that day. Then saying she was resilient and fearless like his mother seemed to make her uncomfortable too.

But she was still holding his hand, and that was something. He gave her hand a squeeze and briefly looked back at her...simply to look at her.

Of course, he could only really see her beautiful blue-gray eyes, making it hard to read her expression. He wished he could understand what she was feeling.

“How are you feeling?” he called back loudly.

“Tired,” she said rather sleepily.

He had forgotten about fatigue being a common aspect of pregnancy. While he wished his day with her out and about like this wouldn’t end, he knew they needed to head back. “Okay, we’ll go pick up your dresses and then fly back to the mountains.”

Nesta nodded in agreement as they exited the fairgrounds and began strolling down the bustling sidewalk toward the boutique they visited earlier. As they got closer, the sidewalk gradually became less populated, allowing them to actually walk beside each other.

“So, did you enjoy today, or was it really merely tolerable?” Cassian asked her with a grin.

“I enjoyed it,” she replied softly.

He could hardly believe what he was hearing. “Did you actually admit that you enjoyed spending the day with me?”

“Don’t expect it to ever happen again,” she replied firmly. Her eyes narrowed at him, but he could see a glint of amusement as well.

Cassian beamed at her and gave her hand a squeeze as he pulled open the door to the maternity shop. Unfortunately, he was forced to let go of her hand as he held open the door for her to enter, and he followed behind her.

As soon as they walked in, Alena saw them and immediately retrieved the sack with Nesta’s dresses. Nesta outstretched her hands to accept it.

Then Nesta went up behind Cassian to attach the bag to his back.

She may not have believed him, but she truly did look beautiful when she tried the dresses on that morning.

And she looked beautiful right now, even with the silly scarf and hood covering her face. At least he still had her mesmerizing eyes to look at.

“You better not pull one of your silly flying jokes and lose my dresses,” she demanded as they began to head out of the store.

“Believe me, sweetheart. There’s no way I’d risk losing the chance to see you in that black dress again.”

It may have sounded like he said it in jest, but it was true. She had looked stunning in it.

They bid their goodbyes to Alena as they exited the store. Once they stepped outside, Nesta approached him, likely expecting him to pick her up to soar back to the mountains.

But there was...still one thing that nagged at him all day. That guilty feeling that he was being disloyal to his High Lord and Lady.

Maybe, just maybe, Nesta would possibly reconsider.

Cassian stared at her as she stood before him expectantly. To her surprise, Cassian grabbed both of her hands within his own.

He took a deep breath.

“Are you sure you don’t want to talk to Feyre? She could help you.”

But as soon as he said Feyre’s name, Nesta froze and her hands went limp within his grasp.

“I told you,” she began in a deathly quiet voice. “That I didn’t want her to know, and I certainly don’t want to go talk to her,” she stated angrily before yanking her hands out of Cassian’s grasp and pulling her scarf down past her mouth. “Have you forgotten why I’ve been wearing this scarf all day?”

Cassian ran a hand through his hair. “Nesta, I know. But you should talk to her. Her studio is just around the corner.”

Nesta’s eyes suddenly widened, and he was unable to read the expression that came across her face.

“Her studio is just around THE CORNER?!” she reconfirmed, her voice rising with every word.

“Nesta, please - ”

“Was this just the plan all along?!” she cried out. “Convince me to go to Velaris, take me to a store right by my sister’s studio, buy me dresses and flatter me, then just get me to stay here longer to talk to Feyre at the end of the day?!” she exclaimed angrily. “Gods, I can’t even believe I actually thought you - UGH!”

“Nesta, no!” Cassian pleaded as he reached for her hands, but she kept them out of his reach, even going so far as to turn away from him. “I meant everything I said and did today,” he insisted. “There was no ulterior motive!”

“Please stop lying to me!” she pleaded softly.

“I am not lying!” he yelled back.

“I can’t even look at you!” she shouted as she crossed her arms against her chest.

“Nesta, please understand. While it’s hard for me to keep this a secret - ”

“It’s not your secret to tell!” she interjected.

“While it’s hard for me to keep this a secret and I do want you to talk to Feyre, it did not influence what I said and did today. I meant everything and I enjoyed each moment with you.”

Nesta took a long deep breath. He could only hope that his words were finally sinking into her.

“I don’t believe you, and I don’t care,” she suddenly said quietly. “I am not talking to my sister, so please just take me home.”

Her words stung.

It felt like a stab to the heart. After all their time together today...for it to conclude like this…

He thought they had come so far today, but now...were they really nearly back at square one?

“Nesta…” he said gently as he pressed a hand upon the back of her shoulder.

“TAKE. ME. HOME.” she ordered harshly. “And you can only touch me to carry me back,” she requested before quickly turning her body around, causing his hand to slide off her body.

While she was now facing in his direction, she kept her eyes glued to the floor and her arms crossed as she waited for him to pick her up.

It hurt so much to know that she didn’t believe him.

And it hurt so much to know that he hurt her.

Just like that, the elation he felt from his day with her was gone.

At a loss, he had no choice but to pick her up and hope she would cool off by they time they reached his cabin.

When he held her, she made no move to wrap her hands around his neck as she had done before.

While he’d been left feeling wounded by her words, he clung to one shred of hope: that she referred to his cabin as her home.

And he held onto that hope for their entire journey back.

________________________________________________________________

A/N: Thank you for reading! Hope you enjoyed that cuteness with a dose of angst...always gotta have a dose of angst! ;)

Let me know your thoughts! :)

---> CHAPTER 6

#nessian #nesta #nesta archeron #cassian #nesta cassian #acotar #acomaf #acowar #acofas #a court of thorns and roses #a court of misty and fury #a court of wings and ruin #a court of frost and starlight #far from the shallow #fanfiction #nessian fanfiction

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