#the new maps look gorgeous perks seems interesting

[victorygrasped]

I miss ramattra tails i miss him a lot

[fuckyourtriangles]

Unpopular DBD Opinions:

- The game is actually fun, and if you’re not having fun, it’s time to stop playing. I don’t care how much money you put into it. If you continue to play despite it making you miserable, you have no right to complain. “But we want it to get better because we love it!” DBD isn’t a person, you can’t fix it. That’s up to the devs and they’re not going to take into account every little thing you want to see changed/fixed/added/etc. Get a new hobby.

- The Legion have the lamest backstory. I cannot take them seriously. Maybe it’s because I spent my childhood watching the ID channel, so it just seems like a re-hash of a story I saw on there, and not even done well. They murdered one person and the Entity was like “yeah, that’s a high-enough body count”. The fuck, Spider-God? They just come off as entitled children who, yes, need supervision and therapy, but they’re still not cool. Sorry, devs.

- Jane is the worst survivor lore-wise. Her archive story didn’t help. I’m only on Tome II but so far everyone else has something deep, sad or at least interesting going on (not that it’s a competition, this isn’t the suffering Olympics), while Jane just comes off as entitled. “I wanna be famous!” I don’t care, Jane. I really, really don’t. I’m sorry your mother was a bad person, but that doesn’t mean you automatically earn my sympathy.

- I am willing to pay actual money to get cosmetics that are no longer available, whether they’re from an event from years prior or otherwise. I want them all.

- Haddonfield is my favorite map (though I’m curious and a bit nervous about the re-work) because I love Halloween. I bought the game just so I could play as Michael and Laurie, after all. Also, as much I hate RE2R for what they did to the characters (Leon looks and sounds terrible, no shade to the actor) I love the RPD map. It’s gorgeous. Maybe it’s because I played the original game so much as a child, but it holds a special place in my heart.

- This goes for video games in general, but I feel like “get good” is a legitimate thing. If you don’t have a lot of free time to practice and get better at a game (or anything, really), you’re never going to see improvement. Not everyone has an equal amount of free time, and the sooner you accept that, the sooner you can get over the fact that some people are just better at the game. On the flip side, some people will never improve no matter what, and that’s also okay! It’s just a video game!

- This is more for reddit, but I’m tired of seeing posts telling others how they should play - what perks to run, how to run them, how long they should spend doing things, etc. This game really only has two main objectives - kill or be killed. What on earth should I be doing if not one of those two things? Sit there and twiddle my thumbs? No. As long as you’re not being toxic (and even that depends on personal opinion) or holding the game hostage, play as you want.

[quickspinner]

Licked

🎉🎉🎉Happy birthday to the woman who started it all (at least started the LBSC exchange where I met all these wonderful crazy people to enable and be enabled by) @justknitstuff / @chromemist ! 🥳 This one’s just for you. Sounds like things have been crazy lately and I hope this makes your day a little bit happier.

Aged-up Lukanette, alternate first meeting

Rated TL for thirsty Luka lol...but there’s nothing explicit or above a T rating. Just a lot of ogling and some innuendo. 

Luka’s been Jagged Stone’s guitarist for a couple of years now, and he’s seen lots of things. Weird things. Exciting things. Fun things. Not so fun things.

But Luka’s never seen anything like the designer Jagged flew in a few days ago. Unfortunately for his smitten heart, their first run-in (literally) didn’t go too well, so he’s hoping for a chance to smooth things over. A trip to the zoo, while unexpected, seems like the perfect chance...if he can stop ogling her long enough to remember how words work. 

Being Jagged Stone came with a lot of perks.  

Being Jagged Stone’s guitarist came with less (and a lot more headaches), but sometimes things trickled down, and so Luka found himself walking through the Australia Zoo, trailing at the back of Jagged’s entourage. The rock star had been invited for a private tour of the zoo, famous for its crocodiles, and Jagged had insisted on bringing “a few of his favorite people” along. (A few was really more like twenty, but when you’re Jagged Stone, nobody does a head count.) 

It should have been really cool. Luka loved animals and hadn’t been to a zoo in years, let alone one as big and famous as the Australia Zoo. They’d been brought in through a back entrance, and shown some really cool behind-the-scenes stuff, and the rumor was they were going to get to be more hands-on with the animals than was typically allowed.

Except Luka hadn’t really seen any of the animals they’d been supposed to look at that day, because a week ago, Jagged had flown in a stylist from Paris for some emergency or other. Her work done, she’d been invited along on this tour with them, and Luka was having a hard time looking at anything else. 

He’d met her shortly after she arrived, on the tour bus. She’d tripped coming down the steps just as he had started up, and she’d nearly taken him down with her, but Luka had managed to get a hold on the hand rail and keep them both from what would surely have been a painful fall. She’d been awfully embarrassed, and in the midst of some very confused introductions, Luka had made some stupid joke that had only made things worse, and she’d fled from him in a chaotic whirlwind of flustered adorable that had made it necessary for him to sit down on the steps for a moment to calm his pounding heart.

He’d only caught glimpses of her since then as she worked frantically to get Jagged ready for the finale show of this stop on the tour. As cute as she was, and as smitten as Luka had been in that short meeting, he hadn’t dared flirt with her while she was working on such a tough deadline, so other than volunteering to take her food or drinks when craft service brought them in, he’d stayed out of the way. She always flashed him a distracted (stunning) smile when he dropped off her food, but she’d been far too busy for anything more. Luka wasn’t entirely clear on why Jagged needed the new outfit so badly and so immediately, but it was Jagged and nobody even bothered to wonder why he did the things he did anymore. 

Besides, no one could deny that the outfit, when it had finally debuted, had been amazing. Unlike most people, Luka had the opportunity to see it up close and take in all the details that would, unfortunately, probably be lost under the heavy lights of the stage. Even so, it was designed to look stunning under those lights, and on camera, and anyone admitted to the privilege of actually meeting the rock star in it would be all the more dazzled. 

Luka certainly was. Far more than was really justified by what little contact they had, honestly, but Luka was used to trusting his intuition, and his gut (he was pretty sure it was his gut, though other parts certainly had plenty to say) was telling him that this girl was something special.

This should’ve been the perfect chance to talk to her, smooth things over, make a better second impression, pour on the charm. It would’ve been easier if he had his guitar, but still, he should have been able to make this work. 

Except summer in Australia was hot. Luka had ditched his hoodie almost the second they’d gotten off the plane. Even his well-ventilated jeans got swapped for a pair of board shorts at his first opportunity. 

So naturally, she was wearing shorts as well, and for such a short woman, she had gorgeous legs. Even her feet were cute in little flowered sandals he suspected she’d decorated herself. It didn’t get any better (or rather, it only got better) when he dragged his eyes above her waist. Her flowy, off-the-shoulder peasant top was somehow completely modest and unbearably sexy at the same time. Her hair was pulled up into a bun, with little tendrils sticking to her neck and bare shoulders or waving on the breeze as she fanned herself with the zoo map. 

It was all Luka could do not to ogle her like a creep. How he was ever going to manage to talk to her, he had no idea. 

So he hung back, trying to get his bearings and find his usual chill, while his bandmates shot him knowing grins and snickered behind their hands. They didn’t dare embarrass him too publicly, though. Luka had been participating in the annual Couffaine prank war since he was a kid and he was very creative when it came to revenge. 

It wouldn’t be that hard to shove one of them into the croc pen, he was sure. Just as an example to the others.

Busy contemplating his retaliation, he stopped automatically when the group stopped, and didn’t realize he was standing behind Marinette until she turned suddenly, brow slightly furrowed in thought, and promptly tripped over his foot and tipped forward with a yelp.  

“Whoa!” Luka’s arm shot out and he caught her around the waist, stopping her from falling, but she must have been startled by the sudden grab, because she tried to push him away and nearly fell again in the process. Luka didn’t let go, instead planting his feet to steady her. It only took a moment for her brain to catch up with what was happening and she stopped struggling. Instead, she babbled a breathless apology in rather confused English, and Luka grinned as he levered her back upright. 

“Don’t worry about it,” he said in French, keeping his hands on her waist for a moment longer to make sure she was steady before drawing back. “I wasn’t paying attention either. Are you all right?” 

“Fine,” she said, pushing her hair back from her forehead as she gave him an embarrassed smile. “I’m fine. Thank you. Sorry. Um, again. Thanks. Luka, right? I’ve been meaning to say thanks for everything this week too. I probably would have starved if you weren’t looking out for me, so...” She broke off to suck in a breath and gave an embarrassed smile. “Yeah. Thanks.”

“My pleasure,” Luka replied. “For both. Although Penny orders the food, I’m just the delivery boy.” He grinned at her, and she started to smile back before her eyes widened slightly and she whirled. 

“Um, we should catch up with the others?” she blurted. They had fallen a bit behind, and Marinette took off in a power walk that caught her up with the group in no time.

Luka trailed behind, a little deflated. He’d barely even said anything that time, but she’d run away again. Maybe...maybe he should just back off. If she wasn’t interested in him then—but for a second there, he’d thought...

He continued to linger at the back of the group, not approaching Marinette or trying to get near her. They came to another enclosure, and Luka leaned his elbows on the concrete wall of the enclosure, trying to find his enthusiasm for the trip. Below him in the pen, dingos yipped and frolicked, tackling each other and then sprinting around the pen. He had to smile, watching them. 

To his surprise, Marinette came up and stood next to him. She shot him a quick, hesitant smile, which he returned automatically, and then stood on her toes a little to peer over the barrier into the cage, leaning her hands on the wall next to him. She gave him another quick smile as she settled back on her heels. 

“They’re cute,” she murmured, and then blushed and looked away. 

“They look like they’re having a good time,” Luka observed, and she made a noise of agreement. An awkward silence fell between them. Luka’s face was turned towards the dogs below them, but he was watching Marinette out of the corner of his eye, trying to figure her out and not dwell on how much he’d like to nip along the pretty line of her jaw to her neck— 

His salvation came when he caught her eyeing his arms as he leaned on the rail. He’d cut the sleeves off this t-shirt years ago, and he was reasonably sure that the flush on her face wasn’t just the heat. Luka turned his face away for a moment to hide his smirk, and the little ego boost was just what he needed to untie his tongue. 

But before he could come up with something to say, Marinette did. 

“That’s the tour shirt from what, eight years ago?” Marinette asked, leaning back slightly to look at the dates down the back. 

“Yeah, I’ve had it forever,” Luka shrugged, pleased by the way her eyes followed the motion of his shoulders. “As you can probably tell.”

“At least it’s good ventilation in this heat,” Marinette quipped, reaching out to pluck the ragged edge of one of the tears on the side. 

“Definitely an advantage,” Luka agreed, with a wink. “Not as stylish as yours, though. That’s a cute top. I like the ruffles.” That wasn’t too weird, was it? She was a fashion designer after all. Luka didn’t know anything about fashion but she certainly looked good in it.

“I’m not very rock ‘n roll, I know,” she said, wrinkling her nose, glancing down at herself. Cute. “But it’s me, and that’s what matters.” She tossed her head and scrunched up one shoulder, giving a look that dared him to argue. 

“You’re perfect,” Luka smiled, and the pink on her cheeks grew a little darker. “You’re from Paris, right? I think Jagged said so?” he added quickly, afraid he’d made her uncomfortable. Marinette nodded, and he grinned at her, leaning back on the barrier again. “Me too. Well, sort of. We moved around a lot when I was younger but we’ve been settled in Paris for a long time.”

“That explains why your French is so good,” Marinette giggled. “I’d wondered.” She settled against the rail next to him and nudged his shoulder slightly with her own. “I bet the American ladies love your accent.” 

Oh God, she was flirting with him, and it was adorable. Luka suppressed the urge to squeal like a teenage girl as he looked down at his hands, grinning. “Maybe. Just my luck the only girl I’ve met worth impressing happens to be French.” He bit the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing so he could pretend not to notice the choking noise she made.  

“Honestly,” he began, when he thought she had recovered, “I kind of have a habit of putting my foot in my mouth. Like when we met. I’ve been wanting to apologize for that. I didn’t mean to upset you or make you feel bad. Sometimes I’m thoughtless without meaning to be, so. I’m sorry.”

“Oh,” Marinette ducked her head slightly. “That’s all right. The stuttering, the word jumbling, it’s something that happens when I’m nervous. I should be used to it by now. I shouldn’t have been so sensitive, just—”

“No, wait. I really wasn’t trying to make fun of you, but I was out of line and you had every right to be mad at me,” Luka said, putting a hand on her shoulder to stop her. “I’m sorry, and it won’t happen again.” 

Marinette stared at him for a moment, and then smiled. “Thank you. I, um, accept your apology.” 

“Thank you,” Luka grinned, letting his hand fall from her shoulder.  “So. How long have you known Jagged?”

“I’ve been working for him off and on for almost ten years now,” Marinette told him, as they turned away to follow the group towards the next exhibit.  

“That’s pretty impressive,” Luka said, and meant it. “I’ve only been with him for the last couple of years. I’m not sure I could take a decade of that.” He waved at Jagged, who was bouncing along at the front of the group, loud and gesturing broadly, chattering excitedly with their hosts (who might be the only people on the planet as croc-mad as Jagged). 

Marinette giggled and warmth filled him, entirely different from the heat of the sun on their backs or the way he’d felt when he saw her in those shorts. “You get it in more concentrated doses than I do,” she pointed out. “You’re stuck with him for months at a time. I mostly get video calls, plus one or two unannounced visits and the occasional demand to fly out and design something for him.” 

“Like now?” Luka asked, and Marinette nodded. 

“I don’t know what they tried to make him wear but apparently it was not acceptable and he needed somebody who gets him,” she said, tone cheerful though she rolled her eyes. “I don’t really mind this time. It got me out of another project that I really didn’t want to do, and Jagged pays well. It doesn’t hurt my portfolio either.” She winked at him and he was pretty sure it stopped his heart for a moment. 

“I bet,” Luka grinned, a beat later than he should have. “Jagged’s not an easy man to please.”

“You should know,” Marinette teased, leaning towards him, and then she seemed to catch herself and turn her attention back to the animals, cheeks reddening. 

Luka was still grinning as he looked back as well, not really seeing them. Something caught his eye to his other side, and when he looked, he found his bandmates making kissy faces and gesturing rudely. Luka raised his eyebrows at them in warning, and they fell to snickering. Luka rolled his eyes and turned toward Marinette, set on ignoring them, but she had pulled a small notebook from her bag and was sketching one of the flowers planted along the concrete barrier. Luka sighed, but opted not to disturb her. 

They were ushered on, and Luka had an easier time getting into the trip now that he’d at least cleared the air with Marinette.  When he ended up next to her again, she shot him a quick smile, too excited at the prospect of holding a koala to pay him much attention. Luka didn’t mind; her enthusiasm was cute, he was really kind of excited to hold a koala himself, and he was the one she turned to at the last second, shoving her phone in his hands and begging him to take her picture. He did, grinning stupidly the whole time at her sparkling eyes and beaming smile, and took one with his own as well, “just in case.” Marinette happily returned the favor, and it wasn’t as hard as it should have been for Luka to ignore his bandmates behind her making crude gestures and pretending to cheer him on. Clearly he’d been too easy on them the last few months. As they moved on Luka made a mental note to plan a particularly creative revenge. He had to find a way to ditch those jackasses before they ruined everything. 

He saw his moment when they finally reached the famous crocodile paddocks, and the family took Jagged with them into the pen, since he was “an experienced crocodile handler” (“Have they met Fang?” Luka murmured to Marinette, who giggled). By now rumors of the rock star’s presence had circulated and there was quite a crowd jamming up against the barriers to see him—and Jagged never could resist a crowd. Before long, an impromptu croc show was on, and it became obvious the tour wasn’t going to continue any time soon. 

Marinette sighed at his elbow and folded her arms, pouting slightly, and Luka quickly assessed his options. Excusing himself, he worked his way through the crowd of bystanders to Penny, who was somehow managing to look both bored and stressed out at the same time. She barely acknowledged his “Hey, Penny,” when he sidled up next to her.  

“I was just wondering,” Luka said, brushing sweat-damp hair off of his forehead. “It looks like Jagged’s gonna be a while and Marinette’s looking pretty—” Don’t say hot! “—uh, warm standing out here in the sun, so…” He faltered for a moment as Penny turned away from Jagged to look directly at him, eyes narrowing. She saw right through him, he was sure. He swallowed his nerves and went on. “I was, um, thinking maybe I could take her to find some shade and maybe buy her something to drink and some ice cream, and we can meet back up with you guys in a bit?” 

Penny stared at him for a moment, and Luka looked back as impassively as he could. She looked toward Marinette over his shoulder, and Luka couldn’t help glancing back. Marinette’s cheeks were still bright pink and she was fanning herself with her map again. 

“Couffaine,” Penny said in a warning voice, and Luka turned back to her with a sigh. 

“Penny come on,” he said in a low voice. “Even rock stars don’t meet a girl like that every day.”

Penny’s lips pressed together, and her eyes flicked to Marinette again before fixing back on Luka. “You know she’s flying out tomorrow,” Penny said, her voice unexpectedly gentle.

Luka rocked back on his heels slightly, and took a deep breath and blew it out slowly. Tomorrow. That meant his only shot for a date was tonight. If he didn’t at least get her number by the end of the day, she’d walk out of his life and who knew when he’d see her again, and that just wasn’t acceptable. 

He focused back on Penny and flashed a smile. “Then I better not waste any time, huh?” 

Penny sighed, and then reached around him and snatched the zoo map out of his back pocket. She clicked her pen, then circled a place on the map and slapped it against his chest. “You have two hours. Meet us there and don’t be late.” 

Luka took the map and tucked it back into his pocket. “Thanks, Penny.” 

She sighed. “Good luck,” she muttered, turning back to Jagged.

He went back to Marinette, blowing out another deep breath and trying to look relaxed as he approached her. Nothing to lose and everything to gain. Time to bring your A-game, Couffaine.  

“Hey, do you want to get out of here?” he asked, when she looked up at his approach. “Penny told me where to meet them later, and as entertaining as it might be to watch Jagged get eaten by a crocodile, I’m pretty sure he’s too lucky for it to actually happen. What do you say we go get something to eat and see the rest of the zoo?” 

He was rewarded with a brilliant smile and he walked off at her side, flipping off his bandmates behind her back as they passed. 

Marinette relaxed almost immediately, away from the crowd, and Luka winced internally, afraid she might have noticed some of the teasing. “Sorry if the guys have been giving you a hard time,” he said, as casually as he could. “They’re a bunch of clowns but they’re mostly harmless.” 

“Oh, they’re fine,” Marinette shrugged, smiling up at him. “They seem nice enough, just...loud. It’s always loud around Jagged. It gets to be a bit much sometimes. I don’t know how you stand it. You don’t seem very loud yourself, except when you’re on stage.” 

“I’m not,” Luka admitted, shoving his hands in his pockets. “Never have been, except on stage. I’m used to the chaos, though. Ice cream?”

Marinette brightened. “Sure!”

The ice cream might have been a mistake, Luka reflected a short time later. Marinette’s mouth was gorgeous. Celebrities paid good money for lips like that, and watching them glide along her spoon was only half as torturous as watching her lick at the ice cream directly, trying to sweep up the melting drops running down the side. 

Luka quickly took a bigger bite of his own than was wise, and gritted his teeth against the resulting brain freeze. Marinette laughed at the face he made, and that brought him back to a place where he could at least speak normally to her. For a while, they stayed on neutral topics, chatting about their families and careers in between cooing over the animals. Marinette was sharp, and entertainingly witty when she didn’t think too hard and trip over her tongue. 

Luka was catching her rhythm, now. She skittered away from him when she got overwhelmed or felt she’d been too daring, but as long as he waited, she’d sidle back, settle back into shy flirting that would gradually grow bolder, until something tipped her over the edge and she ran away again. Luka adjusted to suit, letting her have her space when she needed it, easing off his teasing when she returned until she found her footing again. He was enjoying it, actually, now that he knew she wasn’t actually scared or put off by him; he got a charge out of it when he flustered her and she fled, and an equally powerful feeling when she came back to him. 

The rest of the afternoon was a series of exquisite moments. Standing a little too close, leaning into each other’s space more than was necessary to read a sign or peer into an exhibit. Shy looks that grew slowly bolder and smiles that turned into soft giggles. A burst of triumph when he took her hand and she slid her fingers between his. The flutter of excitement he felt when she leaned against his arm to point something out, and then rested her cheek on his shoulder instead of pulling away. A look up at him, and a dip of his head that might have become a kiss if not for a rush of small, screaming children bumping into their knees. 

They made it to the giraffe pavilion Penny had circled on the map a little ahead of the others, and Luka knew he’d better say what he needed to say quickly. The employee at the doors let them in and led them to the giraffe feeding area, giving them each a handful of lettuce, and went back outside to wait for the rest of the group. Another bored-looking employee was leaning against the back wall, but he didn’t seem to be paying them any attention. 

Marinette was back to the bubbly sort of excited she’d been when they held the koalas, and Luka was loving every moment of it, but he knew the clock was ticking. He took a breath and stepped close, reaching over her to offer some lettuce to the giraffe. The giraffe sniffed it, and then dipped its head to take the lettuce from Marinette instead.

Marinette giggled, looking up to scrunch her nose at him. “I think he likes me.” 

“No doubt,” Luka said, offering her his handful of lettuce, and not noticing when a leaf dribbled out of the side of the giraffe’s mouth above him and landed in his hair. “I know I do.” 

Marinette blushed, and gave him another look over her shoulder, reaching up to the giraffe with another section of lettuce. 

“Luka Couffaine, are you hitting on me?” she asked, the quirk of her smile suggesting the idea wasn’t unwelcome.

“I’ve been trying my best,” Luka chuckled, and then grew serious, reaching for her hand to turn her to face him. “You’re really special, Marinette. I know you have pretty much no reason to take me seriously, but believe me, I don’t get this way about just anyone.” Here goes nothing. “I’ve had a crush on you pretty much since you crashed into me on the bus, and it’s getting worse by the minute. I’ve had a great time with you today, and I’m really hoping it doesn’t have to stop.”

For a moment she seemed to glow, and Luka’s breath caught, but then she paused and her face fell. “I’m flying out tomorrow,” she said, dropping her eyes as she tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. 

“Well,” Luka said, leaning in a little. “That still leaves tonight.” Marinette’s eyes blew wide and Luka’s did too as his own words hit his ears. “Dinner! I meant dinner, I didn’t—I mean unless you want to but I—okay forget that I swear I just meant I’d like to take you to dinner.” 

“I’d love for you to take me,” she said quickly, and then her eyes widened. “To dinner! Oh my—dinner. Just dinner. For now. I mean, uh—” 

Luka couldn’t help it. He started laughing, and so did Marinette, hiding her face in his chest, both of them laughing so hard they couldn’t quite stand up straight and collapsed against each other, swaying slightly. After a moment she peeked up at him, still giggling, and said decisively, “I’d love to have dinner with you.” 

Grinning down at her in his arms, Luka’s gaze fell to her lips, remembering that almost kiss, and by the way she pulled that lower lip between her teeth, Marinette did too.

He started to lean toward her but a sudden, hard tug on his hair jerked him backwards, and then he registered something wet and slimy running down the back of his head and along his neck. 

Luka screamed at a pitch he normally only hit during concerts, and lurched forward, knocking into Marinette as he flailed over his head. He made contact with something but it just moved away and there was another tug on his hair. He scrambled blindly, trying to get away from whatever it was, not realizing he was practically climbing his small companion.

“Luka, calm down! It’s just the giraffe!” Marinette said, hooking her hands under his thighs and hiking him up to a more stable position. “I’ve got you, you big baby,” she laughed, and he looked down, fully registering the fact that his legs were wrapped around Marinette’s waist and she was holding him up—awkwardly, since he was so much bigger than her, but securely. 

If he hadn’t been so embarrassed, he might have been turned on, but as he stared down into Marinette’s amused blue eyes twinkling back up at him, he really would have been just as happy if a hole opened up in the ground for her to drop him into. 

Things were going so well, too. Luka twisted around to see behind him, and sure enough there was a giraffe, staring back at him as it chewed placidly. Luka put a hand up to his hair automatically and whined when it came away slimy with giraffe spit. At least it seemed like it was all there. Whatever the giraffe was chewing on, at least it hadn’t taken a chunk of his hair. 

That would just be the icing on the cake. He started to put his hand back on Marinette’s shoulder and then realized his hand was slimy now too. 

Fuck, he really had no idea how to recover from this. 

“What the hell is going on here?” 

Luka closed his eyes and dropped his forehead on the top of Marinette’s head. “Hi, Penny.” 

“Marinette are you all right?” Penny demanded, and Luka could hear the unmistakable sound of Jagged’s raucous laughter soaring over the hysteria of his other bandmates. 

“I’m fine,” Marinette giggled, and looked up at Luka. “Can I put you down now, or do I need to carry you away from the big, scary giraffe first?” 

“Just let it eat me,” Luka muttered, and Marinette laughed, dropping Luka’s feet to the ground. 

“Not a chance,” Marinette sniffed. “Who’s going to buy me dinner tonight if I let you get eaten by the least scary animal in this zoo?” 

“What’s this about dinner?” Jagged asked, perking up, and Luka groaned, slapping his palm over his face. He made a disgusted noise as he realized it was still covered in giraffe spit. He rubbed it off on his shorts and used the tail of his shirt to wipe off his face, sighing. 

“You really still want to have dinner after that?” he grumbled mournfully, fully expecting Marinette to back out. When she didn’t answer he peeked out from behind his shirt. 

Marinette was staring at his exposed abs. Luka grinned, and dropped his shirt. Marinette’s eyes snapped back up to his face. “I’m gonna find a restroom and clean up,” he told her, chucking her under the chin (with his clean hand) to close her open mouth. “Think about what you want to eat tonight.” He winked and she made a strangled noise. 

***

Luka’s foot tapped restlessly as the plane rolled up to the jetbridge (not the gangway, as Jagged had repeatedly corrected him during the first few months on tour). They were a little late, and Luka was tired and hungry and very eager to see his no-longer-so-long-distance girlfriend.

It was torture waiting for the crowd to deplane, and Luka breathed a sigh of relief as he finally made it to the airport corridor and started making his way eagerly toward the baggage claim. He was very much looking forward to being in the same city as Marinette for at least a few months. Their relationship had grown amazingly well, considering they were limited to texting and video calls, except for one week in New York, when Jagged had flown Marinette out for another fashion emergency, and one blissful, heavenly week in London last month when Marinette had taken the train out just to see him, and they had spent the whole week avoiding the overenthusiastic rock star, Luka’s stupid bandmates, and the terrible weather in the very private hotel room Luka had spared no expense for. Even the thought of it made him bite his lip and walk faster. 

He was even more motivated because Juleka was supposed to be meeting him here too, and he wasn’t at all sure it was a good idea to leave his sister and his girlfriend alone together for too long in what was bound to be a slightly awkward first meeting. 

When he first spotted the girls, he only had eyes for Marinette, and only after he had swept her up in his arms and nearly crushed her, did he have enough attention to notice the giant giraffe balloon his sister was holding. The damn thing was nearly as big as Juleka, and the shit-eating grin his normally reserved sister was wearing was enough to assure him that it wasn’t a coincidence.

Luka groaned and let Marinette slide to the floor. “I can’t believe you told her.” 

Marinette giggled and shrugged. “We had to kill the awkward somehow,” she shrugged. “She just got this manic grin and ran off to the nearest gift shop.”

“And it was so worth it for the look on your face,” Juleka snickered.

Luka snorted. Really it was a miracle it had taken this long; he’d had to threaten to quit to keep Jagged from plastering the band’s social media with pictures of Luka hanging off Marinette, a terrified look on his face and his hair sticking straight up and coated in giraffe drool. 

Still. “Just for that,” he muttered, and grabbed Marinette’s hand to pull her close, cradling the back of her head in his hand as he kissed her. He meant it to be a simple kiss, just sloppy enough to embarrass his sister, but Marinette put her arms around his neck and pressed up into him, and he forgot Juleka was even there for at least a full minute. 

Even the sound of his sister gagging couldn’t wipe the grin off his face when Marinette’s lips finally slipped away from his. “I am so glad to be back,” he growled, and felt Marinette shiver in his arms. “I’m taking you out tomorrow, jet lag or no. You just say when and where.” 

“I was thinking maybe we could go to the zoo,” Marinette said innocently, and Juleka cackled as Luka sighed and rolled his eyes to the ceiling. 

“I like her,” Juleka said, shoving Luka’s arm. “Don’t mess it up. Although,” she began to snicker, “if you could recover from a beginning like that, maybe I shouldn’t worry.” 

Luka opened his mouth to tell her where she could shove her opinion, but Marinette grabbed his collar and jerked him down into another kiss. “Be nice,” she murmured, and then shoved him back, giggling along with Juleka at the blissful look on his face. 

So just because I constantly live in fear of people calling me on my BS, I’m gonna warn you now I’ve never been to Australia Zoo and while I did some research and studied the map well...try not to laugh at me too hard if you’ve been. It’s just background so I didn’t try that hard to differentiate it from other zoos. But Knit loves giraffes so I needed a zoo and Australia Zoo seemed like the easiest one to get Jagged to, so here we are. Happy Birthday, Knit!

Fiction Master Post | AO3 

[cursewoodrecap]

Session 22: Five-Dimensional Man-Go

This is a session I’ve been looking forward to for quite some time. I get to introduce three of my favorite characters in the entire campaign. 

In the real world it’s been a while, but this was the session we officially welcomed a new chaos goblin player to the table. And damn, am I glad we did.

Valeria goes to Hoeska’s armor smiths for some upgrades, and accidentally kicks off a goth fashion montage. Her new armor has gorgeous black detailing with purple rose accents, accessorized with a brand-new Shusva-skin bag with matching claw clasp. Gral picks up a fancy Shusva-leather cloak and belt. Shoshana, realizing that a vampire’s castle is basically a Hot Topic, gets some fishnet arm warmers to accompany her fang necklace. We also get some healing potions and hope they aren’t made from lost souls or anything.

Valeria resummons Aethis, who pops back into existence in a burst of glitter that’s entirely incongruous with the local grim aesthetic. Apparently celestial gators are only mildly inconvenienced by fatalities.

As we hitch up the horses to get back on the road, we find out Ser Boris is also preparing to head out. “Woods full of many nasty creatures. Must keep hunting! Maybe I find way down to Barroch, I have heard monsters are attacking workers there.”

Gral perks up at the name of his people’s capitol. “I’m sure the orcs will treat you well. What kind of monsters are they dealing with?”

“Wolves, bears, maybe werewolf? I will find out when I get there! Cursebreakers do not have much of working relationship with orcs, so info is scattered. That is why I must investigate!”

While he heads south into orc territory, we’re gonna go north toward Sturmhearst to look into all the Key nonsense Professor Bjork told us is goin’ down. It’ll be a long trip; it’s on the coast, and we’re well into the heartland of the wood. As we get closer, we’re gonna have to look for new maps, too – the patchwork of safe zones and Curse disasters changes rapidly, and the roads that were passable a month ago might be deathtraps today.

We trek for several blessedly uneventful days. One night, in a region where a sizable number of halflings have settled, we have the fortune of seeing an inn on the horizon as night starts to fall. A sign proclaims the Fusilier’s Rest, a combination winery and inn located on a lush vineyard. Valeria’s kind of suspicious of anything too plant-based right now, but the rest of us totally want a winery tour.

We hitch up our wagon next to a post labeled Valet Parking. Aethis parks themself in the stables. Looking at the place, with its rather low doorframe and quaintly painted décor, we suspect Demish wine snootery instead of weird plant cults.

We duck through the door and take in the scene. It’s on the upscale end of totally normal, with locals sitting around eating and a huge pot of Demish onion soup bubbling on the hearth. The old halfling bartender is wearing pieces of a worn but well-cared-for blue-and-gold uniform. Two polished old pistols hang within reach on the wall, along with a pristine old Fusille musket in a place of honor behind the bar. Shiny medals in a handmade case are proudly displayed atop the bar.

As is D&D protocol, we look around for any notably wacky characters. We find them in the corner: an old man with unkempt white hair and multi-lensed, colorful glasses, engrossed in a game of Man-go against a young human doctor. We know he’s a doctor, because he’s got a stubby-beaked Sturmhearst mask pushed up to expose a tired but friendly face. His coat might once have been a lab coat, but it’s since been patched and sutured together so many times that it’s probably done a full ship-of-Theseus. His right arm is in a makeshift sling, and he’s nursing a small glass of Kevan vodka; probably the closest thing they have to rotgut moonshine in a wine-snob place like this.

We’re like, neat. Let’s eat soup.

Valeria orders a local vineyard wine and chats with the bartender about it. “The man who runs it is a madman; he thinks he can grow good wine grapes in Valdia. But he pays my sister well, she does her best.”

“Oh, don’t listen to René, his sister does marvelous work! No halfling will admit that wine grown outside Demionde will be more than spoiled grape juice,” teases one of the local barflies.

Gral asks Valeria who’s winning the Man-go game. The old man is rambling pleasantly, barely paying attention, and he is absolutely crushing the young doctor. The doctor looks like he’s totally aware he’s being taken to the cleaners, but he’s gonna let the old guy have his fun. As the game draws to a close, the younger man smiles ruefully and hands over a few coins. Meanwhile, the old fella, his eyes magnified to mismatched sizes by his funky glasses, spots our most conspicuous party member.

“Kyr! How’s the wine?” he calls, beckoning her over.

“Quite good actually!” Valeria chirps. “Was that the Kiloni maneuver?”

“Yes, or a variant I picked up somewhere! The Killam maneuver…kilometer…kilowatt? Something of the sort.”

Valeria very much wants to play him, and the old guy’s defeated opponent is happy to trade her his spot. The young man’s propped up leg hits the ground with a suspiciously loud clunk as he vacates his chair for her.

The old man peers up at her, bright-eyed even behind multiple layers of glass. “So what brings a Knight of the Rose here?”

“We’re headed to Sturmhearst, actually!”

“I see! I’ve heard the roads between here and there are pretty tricky to travel, you know.”

“No kidding. Do you have an updated map?”

He snaps his fingers. “No, but I just came from there! I’ve got an old map and I can easily update it for you kids. René is on night watch, I’ll leave it with him so you don’t have to stay up waiting for me to finish it. I know a route that’ll get you there lickety-split and safe as trousers! Now let me guess, you played at the clubs in Aurentium? You have the look about you.”

“Not the clubs, precisely…”

“Ah! Street rules, then!”

Valeria, who played Man-go against literally everyone who would have her, shrugs. “Maybe?”

“René, we’ll need some cups and a dumb hat!” the old man calls.

The young doctor wanders over to the bar and gets a refill, settling down next to Shoshana. “Hey, wanna bet on their game? The old guy’s pretty sharp.”

Shoshana laughs. “Oh, my friend is definitely gonna lose. I’ll put a silver on her, though, out of loyalty.”

It’s an odd game to spectate. Valeria falls behind early on; an insight check shows he’s not cheating, he’s just VERY good. Oh, and also Valeria’s assuming an entirely different set of house rules than this guy, and it’s tripping her up. Wait, are we doing street style, or dock style? Anyway, Valeria’s wearing the dumb hat now. At one point they both spit on the board.

“Y’know, I’ve never seen anyone from Sturmhearst take the mask off,” Shoshana says to her new drinking buddy, watching the game with confusion.

“On the clock, it’d be a safety hazard! But off the clock, eh, it’s fine. Some people get more elitist than me about it, I’m a hometown Valdian through and through.”

(You’re from Joisey, I’m from Joisey! What exit?)

“I haven’t actually been to the university since the Curse started, but I’m heading back to research some stuff I found out up in the Grammelsmarsh swamps. Some real disconcerting stuff regarding undead, and the like. The locals refer to it as the Wailing Wight.”

Shoshana gives him a once-over, rolling a decent Perception. He’s scruffy, though that could mostly be from hard travel, and definitely looks like he’s had a rough time of it. His arm’s in a sling and the little exposed skin Shoshana can see has more than its share of nicks and scars. His gait when he walked over was slightly uneven, one leg making a suspiciously heavy thunk against the wooden floor. Over his shoulder, he’s carrying a long, heavy case sealed with tar for waterproofing.

Hold up. She points to the case. “Do you have an alive guy in there?”

“…Uh.”

“You hesitated, and that’s not great.”

“Uh…no. No, I do not have an alive guy in here,” he says awkwardly.

“Okay, because the last time there was a weird bag, there was a whole-ass dude in there, and it turned into a whole thing.”

“N-no, no no no, there’s no person in the case,” he protests, not quite meeting Shoshana’s judgy cat eyes. He definitely doesn’t want anyone to get the wrong idea, even though the case has started gently twitching.

Meanwhile, old Man-Go man has proved himself quite fluent in Draco-Aquilian, though with an unmistakable mammalian accent. Gral butts into the lively conversation when it winds back to Valdian. “It seems like you’re rather well traveled. What is your profession?”

“Oh, y’know, I go here and there. I’ve been around. There’s so much to see out there!”

Valeria smiles. “I can’t fault you there. Anything in particular you’re looking for?

“I go wherever the winds take me, mostly,” he says, as if Cursewood travel isn’t the most dangerous hobby since they invented pyromancer cookoffs.

Valeria, impressively, only loses the game by a little. The old man jovially shakes her hand and promises to go get started on that map to Sturmhearst for us, springing to his feet with surprising deftness for his age and bustling up toward his room.

Gral and Shoshana, meanwhile, are busy makin’ friends with the doctor guy. “What swamp were you fighting undead in?”

“The Grammelsmarsh? It’s downriver of Mornheim.”

“Ohhh! We heard some, uh, adventurers did a purifying ritual on the river. It might help your situation?”

“That’s great, but…I dunno. Once you mix in swamp gas, things get a lot more interesting.”

“The explosions kind of interesting?”

“…Sometimes.”

The players have noticed that our doctor friend here is, like…not an NPC, there’s another guy at the table (the same player as Isadora! :D), so we start sizing each other up as travel companions.

“You seem like a pretty decent guy,” Gral says, immediately insight checking.

“I mean, you guys seem on the up-and-up too?”

Shoshana winks at him. “Well, I’m not that up-and-up but these two are very diplomatic and important.”

“If you’re also headed up to Sturmhearst, it might make sense for us to travel together? I’m not very quiet,” he admits, knocking on his knee with a clang, “but if you-“

“Hello!” Valeria, hearing clanking, has clanked over loudly to join. “Kyr Valeria Argent, at your service!”

“Uh, hi! I’m Vigdor. I’m a doctor! I mean, you knew that, with the, uh-“ He points to his bird mask. “If you need any balms or salves – I mean, I’m mostly a surgeon, but I know some herbology.”

Is that so! We chat about Dr. Ulmus and Dr. Kjeller. Everyone loves Dr Kjeller!

“I’ve heard of Dr. Kjeller! I haven’t met the guy, but he’s the leading expert on troll physiology. Getting him to come lecture hasn’t worked out so far.”

We ask René the innkeeper about any local threats. Apparently this town’s gotten lucky; the biggest threats recently have just been bandits and one overaggressive badger.

“Oh yeah, one of my cats fought one of those, it went badly,” Shoshana remembers. “For the badger, I mean. I have weird cats.”

(The inn also has cat. His name is Jean Clawed.)

Eventually we all head upstairs. As the night bears on, the girls fall asleep, presumably after painting each other’s toe claws and gossiping. Gral’s still awake, practicing his lute in the rare luxury of a single room, when he pauses. Something doesn’t sound right.

Putting his lute aside, he listens cautiously at the window and feels a deep dread grow in his stomach. The faint scent of ozone drifts in the air. The crickets and night birds have gone dead silent, and in the unsettling quiet he can hear the terrible growling, piping sound he’s heard twice before: once in a house in a hole, and once as Bullbreaker’s expedition faced its destruction.

With great urgency and no volume control, Gral sends a Message to a sleeping Shoshana: “RED ALERT, KEY SHIT’S HERE.” Shoshana wakes up and kicks Valeria.

Gral then sends a Message to our new friend Vigdor, more calmly. “If you have weapons, get them now. Something is happening, it’s going to be dangerous.”

The early warning lets Vigdor and Valeria armor up, Shoshana helping Valeria buckle on the heavy pieces in a hurry. Meanwhile, Gral sprints downstairs, casting Mirror Image as he goes.

René the innkeeper is cleaning his fusille with practiced precision, humming an old marching song. Gral can hear something moving in the kitchen behind the old halfling, so he pops another stealthy Message cantrip. “This is the orc from earlier. I think something bad is in the kitchen – I’ve heard that noise before. Hold on tight to that musket, I’m going in.”

“The back door is locked, I would have heard someone come in,” the old soldier whispers back.

“These things don’t use doors,” Gral hisses.

A 17 Persuasion convinces René, who loads a bullet into his musket. “Where are those friends of yours?”

A heavy clank from upstairs answers that question, as Vigdor and Valeria thud toward the stairs. Gral scopes out the room and sees, on the bar, a big leather map case. The map from the Man-Go guy! Then he peers into the kitchen and, yup, that’s a fleshhound, all right.

Everyone else upstairs bursts into the hall just as a second fleshhound emerges into existence next to them. Shoshana, without hesitation, hits it with a gout of flame. Its strange ethereal flesh solidifies for a moment, but then it shakes itself and charges forward, its displacement energy restored.

Meanwhile, the one downstairs doesn’t aim for Gral or René, trying to run past them. Gral plays a discordant note on his lute, using his Minor Key at the opposite frequency to its vibration and preventing it from displacing, before he strikes. A spectral, scarred orc swings a warhammer down on the creature, Thrice-Burned’s ghost getting some payback as Gral’s blade strikes true.

René takes a shot with his musket and crit-fails, understandably freaked out by the writhing mass of teleporting tentacles, the wild shot careening directly into Gral. Luckily, it only pops a Mirror Image, but everyone upstairs hears a frustrated yell of “NO. FRIEND! ME FRIEND!”

Vigdor dashes past Valeria to the stairs, his previously-motionless arm reaching out of its sling to slap her on the armor with a resounding clash of metal. A silver Jotunn rune glows through the cloth of his sleeve, and she feels Protection from Good and Evil snap into place over her. She takes the cue and stabs the hound, rose vines bursting from her trident and stabbing their long thorns into its oddly flickering flesh.

The pupils on the Eyegis snap to the space behind the beast. Our normal eyes see nothing, but the Key-aligned shield’s eyes see a magical gate, faintly connected to the hound.

As a member of the Order of the Rose, Valeria’s trained to deal with fiendish incursions. This isn’t a portal to the Hells, but she thinks it might get closed similarly. As she charges forward to deal with it, everything seems to move twice as fast as it should: the Key’s spatial distortion has made certain areas the opposite of difficult terrain, where you can move double your speed. Nyoom!

Shoshana zaps it with lightning and heads downstairs to help Gral, who’s being slapped by tentacles. The zapped one flees toward the portal, but Valeria Sentinels and stabs it to death. The downstairs hound gets its tentacles into the real Gral.

Vigdor moves to Gral’s aid, ripping away the last of his sling and clamping a large circular blade to his forearm. With the pull of a ripcord, it loudly whirs into motion. As the Buzzing Butcher slams into the displacer hound with a gory squelch, he asks about sneak attack, like a rogue!

A very, very loud rogue.

Gral breaks away from the hound’s tentacles and looks around. Through the windows, more fleshhounds have appeared outside. The space outside is warped – leaving this inn is going to be very difficult while all this nonsense is going on. The lights of the vineyard seem miles away.

However, Gral realizes, the hound responded to the sound of his lute. And when he used his Minor Key he caught a glimpse of the portal it came through. He begins to play again, using the Minor Key to try to take control of it. The GM allows him to burn a 3rd level spell slot for a colossal roll of 33. He moves the portal inside a wall, to temporarily block anything coming through.

René takes a shot at the remaining hound and misses.

Valeria, upstairs, draws her chained sword and spends a 1st level slot to try to close the portal, the same way paladins close Infernal gateways. The chains of Rack extend from the sword and stitch the portal shut.

(Gral and Valeria each gain inspiration for using Portal Trixx!)

A Thing Occurs at initiative 0, and we hear strange piping coming from the stables. We’re kind of occupied, so we trust Aethis to bite anything that bothers the horses.

Shoshana sprints down the stairs and to the bar. Aw, there’s another flesh hound coming in from the kitchen. Her Chill Touch misses, and the new monster slaps Gral.

Vigdor nyooms through a Zoom, which makes some Really Weird doppler effects happen with his clanky leg and his buzzy arm. He slides across the bar like an action hero and slams his saw down, missing the hound and showering the room in a hail of splinters.

Valeria is still upstairs, and it is LOUD downstairs. She’s gonna dash to get the heck down there and rejoin the festivities.

Gral Phantasmal Forces the new fleshhound, and in its mind, horrible liquid tendrils emerge from the soup pot and constrict around it. The soup rises to the defense of the Fusilier’s Rest!

René gets his wits about him and takes a pistol shot at the nearer fleshhound, tagging it with a bullet and keeping it in place. “GET OUT OF MY HOUSE. OUR POLICY IS NO PETS! I will not make an exception for you, you do NOT seem particularly polite!”

The fleshhound grabs the map case off the bar and starts to run for it. René hits it with the butt of his rifle. The second hound can’t attack Vigdor since it’s too busy convincing itself soup isn’t dangerous, so Vigdor’s free to draw his pistol and unload a Sneak Attack bullet into the fleeing hound’s back.

René reloads his musket. It’s been a long time since he’s done it under fire, but the Royal Fusilier Corps of Demionde does not half-ass their training.

The portal the hound’s heading for bisects a wall now, so it might be hard for the hound to get through.  Before it can worry about that, though, it comes face to face with Valeria, who’s ready to rumble. She kills it, dropping the map to the ground, and skitters through the Zoomy Zone to try to trident the second hound. It displaces out of the way.

Gral seizes control of another portal, and this time decides to use it to see what’s going on. He tries to hop out to the stables, where that weird noise is coming from. He enters a weird nether space full of the flickering bodies of fleshhounds, writhing and blinking, which the DM calls the Threshold. Gral accepts psychic damage to see what’s going on, and the patterns become clearer as the Key takes hold temporarily in his brain. These portals all connect to each other and the Threshold at the same time. Whatever’s out in the stables, making that eerie piping noise, is tied to the portals – it can’t fully exist in our realm. So if you close all the portals, it’ll force that thing to leave; if you drive it away, the portals will close. Either way, the Key’s influence on this place will fade.

Oh, and that thing out in the stables? It’s the Lurke r again.

Gral’s old enemy wrests control of the portal back from Gral, who stumbles back out into the inn, reeling from the sudden whammy of Key taint.

Shosha shoots lightning at the nearest hound, which retaliates by leaping through her, disrupting her matter with its own. It’s a highly unpleasant experience. A new hound jumps out of the portal next to Valeria. As Vigdor, Shoshana, and René all attack, Gral shuts another portal with his lute’s magic. “Guys, there’s something horrible in the stables!” he shouts. “If we bust enough portals it’ll go away!”

The Lurker continues to make mysterious dice rolls, but apparently it’s rolling poorly, so we don’t quite find out what it’s up to. It peers through one of the last few portals, only visible to Gral and the Eyegis. It’s hard to get a good look at, fifth-dimensional as it is, but it’s weirdly humanoid, actually? It’s surrounded by floating lanterns and holding some sort of pipe or flute.

(The DM notes that Jean Clawed is awake and doesn’t see why any of this is his business. He’s capable of using the portals; he’s not Key tainted, that’s just how cats are.)

We exchange blows with the remaining hounds, Chromatic Orbs flying and chainsaws buzzing. René bayonets a hound to death, for the honor of all NPCs.

Gral powerslides on his knees across the Zoomy Zone, playing a complicated riff, woobling himself right through the fireplace into the kitchen. He spends another level 3 spell slot to get the portal to dance itself shut. “And that was Through the Fire and Flames!”

René reloads his gun. Shoshana blasts the hound with fire, so Vigdor’s action goes off and he chainsaws it to death, the body and spine getting caught in the spinning chain. FATALITY.

The searing light of Shoshana’s fire casts sharp shadows on the walls of the inn, which begin to writhe and re-form, swirling together into a lithe, snarling feline shape that springs toward the Lurker. It pounces with an odd, broken yowl that’s incredibly familiar – although Valeria and Gral have only ever heard it once, from underneath an overturned laundry basket.

Vigdor, who’s never met a flesh-hound OR a cursecat before, makes an arcana check to figure out what in the seven hells is going on. It seems some sort of entity is thinning the barriers between realities? Its very essence seems to be intermingled with portal; it cannot fully leave the portal or exist in this realm. Like a malevolent, sentient pair of curtains.

He’s like okay, curtains sound like something I can chainsaw. It’s curtains for you, see? (Fun fact: if he rolls 21 or higher on attack roll with chainsaw, he gets sneak attack regardless of other circumstances. Because it’s a goddamn CHAINSAW.)

The Lurker turns its attention directly on us, or at least to the enormous hissing cat hellbent on ruining its day. Gral, still strumming furiously, realizes the Lurker’s only got a couple of portals left. He’s closed a portal already; he’s gonna try to close all of them for good. The DM imposes disadvantage and a brutal pile of psychic damage, but Gral is unphased, hitting a power chord that shakes the entire inn.

The Lurker screeches and reaches for him, the space around Gral beginning to warp, but it’s too late, the portal slamming shut against it. The Zoomy Zones vanish; the portals close, the strange atmosphere fades. The road looks to be the size it was before instead of an endless stretch of packed earth; the vineyard is once again an easy ten-minute walk away.

His big solo complete, Gral sways and collapses unconscious. Valeria runs over and Lays On Hands so he doesn’t die, while Vigdor starts casting Mending on the destroyed bar furniture. Shoshana, meanwhile, just stares dumbstruck at the place where a huge spectral cat is dissipating into shadowy smoke.

“…Schmendrick?”

René is holding himself together, but he’s an old man and it’s been a while since he fought this much. He took a bit of damage; Valeria pat pats him some HP. “Thank you, Kyr. I…I need to check on my other guests. The old man with the Man-Go game, we must find out if he lives.”

Valeria accompanies him upstairs. Rack’s glowing rose vines are still visible, stitching the portal shut; it’s healing more quickly than Valeria’s used to seeing. The door to the old man’s room swings open under Valeria’s cautious knock. The bed is unmade but empty, and the old man’s luggage is gone. The only things left are a generous tip on the counter and his odd multicolored glasses.

As Vigdor steps outside to clean viscera off his chainsaw, Gral scopes out the stables. There’s evidence of disturbed earth around the grounds, but nothing conclusive. Aethis seems to be unbothered.

We reconvene without much to show for our investigation. But we have one last clue: Why were the hounds so interested in the old man’s map? We spread it out on one of the bar tables and crowd around. It’s a map of Valdia, but the path it shows us to take to Sturmhearst makes No Sense. It’s not even contiguous! It tells us to start here and wander north, and then the line cuts off next to some scribbled equations, the route picking up again elsewhere, where he’s drawn a symbol we don’t recognize – and so on, in strange and nonsensical disconnected paths.

Shoshana, on a hunch, puts on the multicolored glasses the old man left behind. Like 3D glasses, they reveal the hidden image. Through the kaleidoscopic lenses, she can see remnants of the Key’s influence all around the inn; the fading Zoomy Zones and closing portals light up in ultraviolet. The map, meanwhile, has gained an entirely new dimension, like a layer of holographs. NOW the shortcuts make sense – they route through other dimensions along the z-axis, with additional symbols and labels giving helpful hints.

To be honest, it does look like a much faster route. And one of the notes says it leads to the “Drowned City” – hey, isn’t that where Bullbreaker ended up? But we’re all rightfully wary of hopping right back into another flesh-hound portal disaster.

We now have the Extradimensional Map and the Stranger’s Glasses.

Oh! The map has a note for us: “Happy Journeys to a fellow master of the game. Your friend, T.T.”

We immediately rifle through our notes and realize he may have been Professor Trevor Twombly, Headmaster of Sturmhearst. Vigdor, did you know that guy?!

Vigdor didn’t recognize him. Maybe the guy looked like Twombly, if you squint? There were a lot of old men at Sturmhearst, and they wear masks most of the time? Also he had distracting glasses? So, like…maybe?

As we bicker, Vigdor snags the glasses off the table and heads to his room, opening up his case and taking a look. The lenses don’t reveal anything new about the object inside.

Unfortunately, the poor rogue didn’t bother to stealth. “Whatcha doin’ in here?” says Valeria, who followed shortly behind.

“Um, just looking at my leg, seeing if anything is weird-“

Valeria immediately checks Vigdor’s lower limbs for wounds. “I can help! An extra pair of hands can always-”

“No, no! I think I’m okay! Really!” he protests. He glances into the case again, clearly torn, and sighs. “Let me explain.”

He lifts a whole human leg out of the case, kicking and twitching.

“This is my leg, and I’m taking it to Sturmhearst. I’m not sure if it’s wholly mine anymore.”

Through his torn pants, Valeria can see a clunky clockwork leg to match his buzz-saw arm.

One player immediately yells “FULL METAL ALCHEMIST.” Another player says it again, in a slightly different voice.

Dr. Vigdor Gavril has joined the party!

[darkestfable]

The End

((Thank you to @kidcatgemini​ for helping me with such a...painful RP. CW: blood, death, mind control))

“I’m sorry, babe, I gotta go. They gave me these orders and-” Raetos heaved a sigh, tightening the rifle over his shoulder. He didn’t want to leave Fable alone, but he knew his lover couldn’t go with him.

“I know, I know. It ain’t gonna be forever. Jus’ go do what you gotta do ‘n when you get home we’ll make up for lost time, yeah?” the blood hunter smiled up at his lover, pulling him down by his chest piece for a kiss. It lasted for a little longer than he meant to, got a little more heated than he’d anticipated.

“I love you.” “I’ll miss you too, Raetos.”

---------------------------------------------------------------

Restlessness set in much faster than the blood hunter had anticipated. One night alone and he was chomping at the bit to do...anything. All the maps were updated as best as he could, spelling errors in the survival guide master copy had been edited. Fable couldn’t just sit around and do nothing. There had to be an outlet for the nervous energy.

There was a small dig in Feralas that he’d spotted in Brent’s itinerary, back when they were talking about locations. Fable knew the forest fairly well, enough that there wouldn’t be much he’d have to guard himself against. That would work just fine as a distraction, and he’d be back in a matter of a few days at most. His foxes, Connor and Kenway, could help keep predators away from the homestead while he was gone, but someone would have to feed them…

Vandrir.

The druid he’d interviewed for his old group would be a perfect caretaker for the animals! During the interview, Vandrir had mentioned that he wasn’t an expert at things, but more of a jack of all trades. And well, if Raetos could manage Obligation and Responsibility, Fable was certain a druid could.

Thankfully, he’d agreed without hesitation.

Now that all of the plans were made, Fable was able to head out to Feralas and simply enjoy being in the field, hands in the dirt, mud on his knees…

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The sun was high in the sky, filtering through the thick canopy of the trees older than he was. It was warm and humid, and Fable had ditched his shirt a long time ago to continue moving earth. Survey equipment taken from his old job was still serving him well, and had pointed him to this exact location. The hole was waist deep on him, but the corner of a box that he’d uncovered had given way to the rest of it; a perfect cube that had almost been lost to the land again. Fable could feel the magic radiating off of it, enough to make his fingers tingle. This would be fun to transport back…

“Mmm…if only all archeologists were as handsome as you,” a melodious voice spoke up from behind him.

A Ren’dorei woman sat on a rock a few paces away, legs crossed and leaning back on her hands. To say she was attractive was an understatement, and she dressed to show off every aspect of her features; tight shorts with thigh high boots and a low cut crop top. Her deep blue eyes and pink lips were absolutely captivating against her lavender skin. Purple hair  with glowing blue tips cascaded down to mid back. Not a blemish or scar could be seen on her smooth skin. It was impossible to tell how long she’d been sitting there, or even how she’d arrived.

Her head tilted in interest at Fable, a playful smile on her lips.

“But then, I suppose we wouldn’t get much work done, would we, Sweetie?”

Fable looked up from the artifact, squinting at the figure perched on the rock. His glowing blue eyes travelled every inch of her form, clearly appreciating it. She was absolutely stunning, and were it before his relationship with Raetos, he’d have completely abandoned the dig to go flirt. Instead, the blood hunter got to his feet, wiping some sweat from his cheek(and leaving a smear of dirt in its wake).

“Not with women like you runnin’ ‘round, that’s for damned sure. Did you need somethin’, or you jus’ here t’ watch me work?” Fable smirked. He had questions about her arrival, for sure, but the tight shirt distracted his mind quite well.

“Would it make me a bad girl if I were here for the later?” she asked, almost innocently, “Actually, I was surveying a site, just north of here, for a client. Then I came across a hot shirtless guy playing in the dirt.”

Uncrossing her legs, she got up from where she was sitting and strolled over to the edge of where Fable was digging, hips swaying as she went. There, she got down on her hands and knees, both to be eye level with Fable, but also to give him a better view of her cleavage.

“Decided I wanted a closer look, so here I am,” her eyes left his to shamelessly take in every inch of his physique, “So, what’s your name, handsome?”

“Must’ve been kinna like Winter’s Veil mornin’ for you then,” the blood hunter chuckled, watching her every move. Not like she was a threat, but like she was a meal. He couldn’t help it, even if he knew in the back of his mind that she was doing it on purpose.

“Th’ name ‘s Fable, gorgeous. Do I get to know yours, since you’re enjoyin’ the show?”

Fable hung his thumbs in his waistband, effectively tugging the dirty black pants down just a little more in the front. There was no danger in flirting, right? Showing off as much as she was? Of course his lover was in the back of his mind, and he’d never seriously go through with anything. Of course.

“You dig too? Uh oh, sounds like you’re competition…”

“Oh?” the woman perked an eyebrow, her ears flickering playfully, “Well, good news for you, hmm? You’re competition’s been distracted. She decided to come get dirty elsewhere.”

She bit down on her bottom lip lightly as her eyes absolutely ate up the little bit of extra skin he allowed her to see of his waistline. She leaned in as her piercing blue eyes moved up to meet his again, to the point where her lips were but an inch away from his.

“My name’s Cebina, Sweetie. Feel like taking a break to play with a pretty lady?”

His own lips parted as he let out a slow breath, clearly struggling. He had a job to do, he had a boyfriend for which he cared very deeply. Fable shook his head a bit, smiling and ready to take a step back. If he didn’t remove himself from her aura of seduction, he knew he’d make a very big mistake. The blood hunter’s hands tightened at the waist of his pants, trying to maintain control.

“You ain’t got th’ faintest idea of how much I wanna play with you, but uh…” his voice trailed off, and he vaguely motioned to the artifact with his head. “And I kinda got a boyfriend I ain’t lookin’ t’ cheat on.”

Cebina moved in before he had the chance to step back. Arms wrapping around his neck as she brought her body down into the small space with him. A hand gripped the back of his head, keeping his gaze on her as she pressed her body against him. That playful, seductive grin never faded. There was a flicker in her glowing eyes, something that seemed to nudge at his mind.

“Don’t worry, Sweetie. Doesn’t have to go all the way. A bit of fooling around never hurt anyone, hmm?”

With that, she attempted to capture his mouth with hers.

Any protests were swallowed in the kiss, Fable’s willpower breaking. His hands went to her hips then before sliding around her waist to pull her close. Her skin felt electric everywhere he touched, and Fable didn't hesitate to back her against the side of the hole, dirt crumbling around their feet.

His subconscious was screaming alerts that his conscious mind was deaf to.

One of the blood hunter's hands slid over Cebina's hip, down to her thigh. Strong fingers hooked under her leg and lifted as he shifted his hips to get between them. Fable was running on instinct, caught like a moth with a flame.

Cebina moaned into the kiss, more than pleased by Fable’s response. Her leg wrapped around his waist as she rolled her hips against him as the heat between them grew. Her other hand grasped the hair at the back of his head, wrenching it to the side to suck and bite at his neck. 

While she had him well distracted, her other hand unsheathed an old and ornate looking dagger from her boot; easily reached with her leg up. She could feel his excitement and pent up energy swell. Part of her wished she could play a little longer, but her mind control only lasted for so long. 

“—Oh, Sweety!” She cried as he buried his face between her neck and shoulder to repay the favor.

It was time.

It happened very quickly, shadows closed in on the two as the dagger pierced Fable’s upper back in one swift motion. Immediately, shadow magic poured into the wound, spreading through his system fast. The effect was painful, much more than physical… the spirit weapon grasping his very soul. 

As the runic weapon continued its siphon, Cebina grabbed either side of her victim’s head to make eye contact one last time. By now, the shadows had enveloped her form completely. Her smile was wicked.

“Thanks for digging up the artifact for me.”

Fable’s mind was awash with pleasure. Everything felt hazy and floaty, akin to being drunk without the alcohol. He gasped pleasantly at the teeth in his neck, fingers tightening around Cebina’s leg. Nothing existed outside of her, outside of this. Somewhere, in the back of his mind, common sense screamed Raetos’ name, tried to remind Fable of his lover’s existence.

He might as well be deaf.

“You taste goo-” the blood hunter started to purr against her neck, but the words were frozen on his lips when the shadows washed over them both.

The first thing he felt was searing pain, the blade biting through flesh and muscle and into his lung, fitting neatly between ribs. Fable didn’t even get to stumble backwards, he was trapped and gasping for breath as the hurt spread through his body. Tears beaded and rolled from his eyes, pale blue gaze fixed on Cebina’s shadowed form. He barely managed to cough out a breath, blood running from the corner of his mouth.

His last act of defiance before his legs gave out was to spit blood at Cebina’s face. The blood hunter crumpled to the ground at her feet, wheezing. Fable’s very essence was being pulled from his body, and he couldn’t even scream. No one would find him out here so deep in Feralas, and he was breaking a promise he’d made to Raetos. He remembered their date, how he’d promised his lover that he’d not leave him.

“Raetos… I’m sorry…” Fable gasped out before his world went dark.

[soulerflaire]

So I beat the story of Pokemon Shield yesterday, and now I’ve had time to think about everything. Spoilers below the cut. Also super long post.

First I wanna focus on gameplay.

Overall, fantastic Pokemon game. I liked a lot of the new Pokemon, I felt there was a really good variety of Pokemon available throughout, graphics were good, the gym missions were (mostly) clever and (mostly) fun.

I heard people had complaints about the starters, but I like them. I picked Scorbunny and was terrified he’d end up Fire/Fighting, but Cinderace (and all the starters) remained single-type. I think their designs are cool! I love Rillaboom’s drum and Cinderace’s soccer fireball attack. I like Inteleon the least of the three, but I still think his design is neat. It is basically finger guns: the Pokemon, which is funny, but not particularly interesting to me. I’m glad I picked Scorbunny.

I liked the set up of the Gym Challenge, though the pacing was a bit weird. Not sure if that was me or the game, but I felt like there was very little story between each gym. That led to me doing several gyms in rapid succession, then spending 3 hours in the Wild Area doing nothing, then tackling another set of gyms. But the gym challenges were fun! Except the fire one. I hated that. And the battles themselves felt awesome! The crowd cheering (especially in the final part of the music, oh my god that was so good), the huge Pokemon, the dialogue, it all made for a match that felt like it mattered. Even if I one-shot all their Pokemon, the match still felt meaningful. It wasn’t just stomp and move on.

I think the Wild Area was a cool experiment, but either make the whole game like that, or don’t have it. It feels like the Safari Zone; an area disconnected from the rest of the game, with the express purpose of catching Pokemon and nothing else. Except it’s so huge and seems to have every single Pokemon in the game, so long as the weather is right, that I feel like there was no point in catching Pokemon anywhere else. Why bother even touching the tall grass when I’m travelling through the regular world, when I can just catch whatever would be in there in the Wild Area later? And frankly, I never really got punished for that mentality. I can just catch them all in the Wild Area later. The only hurdle is they all turn level 60 after you become champion, which I have very mixed feelings about. I would like to hear their explanation for doing that, tbh.

Max Raid battles feel really cool, but god damn, Nintendo, you have got to get a better connection system. Half the time, I can’t find any raids to join because there are no shout cards popping up and the button to get new cards isn’t there for some reason. Even when I can see the cards, most of the time I fail to join, either because the raid already started or the person cancelled the raid. There’s only a 3-minute window to join, and with the infrequent appearance of cards (with no timestamps) I have no idea if any of the cards I see are even from the past 10 minutes, let alone past 3. And the NPCs are randomly selected and use their moves randomly, so once you get to the 5+ star raids, you cannot use them at all. One of them is a friggin’ Magikarp that uses Hydro Pump for no damage and misses half the time anyway. Why!? That was funny exactly zero times!

The music, however, I have zero complaints about. Fantastic soundtrack! I love the gym battle music, and the Team Yell fight music, and the Wild Area bagpipes, and the legendaries fight music, and just pretty much all of it. If they release the soundtrack, I’m buying it immediately.

Graphics were good. I wasn’t blown away by them, but it’s a pretty game.

One thing I noticed is how rushed things started to feel towards the end. Initially, the world feels enormous. Routes are long and winding, and it really feels like exploring things. But the further into the game you go, the shorter the routes get. And there’s no Victory Road at all. Just an extremely short route called White Hill, with, like, 6 trainers and a couple grass patches. You take a train to the White Hill Station, and if you look at the map, you see you ended up skipping an entire mountain and a stretch of land twice the length of the actual route. Kinda feels like they planned to do something with all that space, but cut it later on. The forest that they did the 24-hour stream of, Glimwood Tangle? It’s tiny. Like a third the size of Viridan Forest. It’s gorgeous, sure, but I spent more time exploring the first town than I did in that place. The final town certainly looks enormous, but then it turns out you can’t access half of it, and a huge chunk in the middle of the part you can access is taken up by the rail station. Which has nothing important inside it. Just a generic mart and some NPCs to talk to. There was honestly a lot of stuff the seemed like it was gonna be something later, and ended up being nothing. If it’s all content that got cut to release the game sooner, that’s extremely disappointing. Frankly, I wonder if they bit off more than they could chew, turning Pokemon into a console game. They clearly were trying to make it worth being on console, but ended up running out of time.

Now for the story. This is probably the first Pokemon game I feel this way about, but honestly: I loved the characters, but found the story to be pretty lackluster.

Hop has a wonderful character arc, where he’s boastful and energetic, but slowly loses confidence as he keeps losing Pokemon battles, and falls into a depression after a particularly hard defeat. He seems to pull out of it after encouragement from friends, but then he spirals into it again when you beat him in the finals. He spends most of the endgame putting himself down and saying he can’t do anything to help, but as you travel together stopping the Dynamaxed Pokemon, he perks up again (thanks in part of Piers being a really good Dad despite having no kids), and all this culminates in him saying he’s realized being champion isn’t really for him; instead, he’s gonna become a Pokemon professor and travel around helping people and Pokemon wherever he can. It’s really sweet, and I like that we see a rival who actually does get upset that they keep losing to you all the time, without turning them into a villain. Hop is never not your friend during all this; he’s just sad and needs so many hugs.

Marnie was a lot more fun of a character than I was expecting. From the official art, I thought she was gonna be the super reserved, stoic character who gets angrier and angrier as she loses to you over and over. But she’s actually outgoing and fun, and loves battling the player even if she loses. And her brother Piers is just as good at subverting expectations. He’s all dressed up as a super punk rocker who’ll be a terrible influence on everyone, but he’s definitely the Tired Adult of the group when you’re travelling around trying to fix things, and he’s a good Dad friend. Team Yell is much less creepy now that I have context. Piers is a gym leader, and Team Yell is the gym staff that he asked to go help cheer Marnie on during her gym challenge. They’re overzealous, but they’re just trying to help her. Some of them even start cheering for you instead, once Piers acknowledges your skill.

Bede can go fuck himself. I know they tried to give him some kind of backstory or whatever, and some vague punishment/redemption with Opal making him the new Fairy Gym leader, but dude’s a dick, through and through.

I could go on and on about the characters, but this post is already getting too long, so I’ll talk about the story itself now. Through most of the game, you get hints that something bad is happening or going to happen, or something is going wrong, but every time one of those hints pops up, the adult say “Let us handle this, you focus on your gym challenge.” And that kind of bothered me at the time, because it’s like if you get the guard station outside Saffron City and start to argue with the guard, then Lance shows up and says “Hey, why not skip down to Vermillion City? I’ll take care of this.” And that’s the end of it. Next time you try to pass through, it’s open and there’s nothing wrong. You know something is going on, but no one will let you near it, so you just keep going on your gym challenge.

Later you find Leon (the champion) in an argument with Chairman Rose (owner of every corporation in the region) about an energy crisis. Rose says we need to start dealing with it now, Leon says it won’t happen for a thousand years, why do we need to bother right now. Then of course the Chairman triggers the Darkest Day right before your championship match with Leon, ranting about the energy crisis and whatnot, then you have to go stop the super powerful legendary Pokemon he released for Real Reasons That Definitely Make Logical Sense And Don’t Need Explained No Sir. At first, I thought this with a super shitty take on the energy crisis, that we’ll run out of fossil fuels and not have renewable energy ready. But if that’s the case, it’s extremely clumsy, because 1) no owner of a corporation gives two shits about anything a thousand years from now and 2) they had the guy warning everyone about the future crisis also be the guy who almost destroys the whole country. I chalked it up to being rushed and tried not to think about it too hard.

But now I’m thinking differently. There’s something Leon says, after the whole Darkest Day thing is averted: he’s gonna start thinking about the future now, and start working on ways to make the future better (or something to that effect). I think maybe the “moral” of the story is that we shouldn’t just let problems be until they come to a head, and we shouldn’t rely on others to take care of the problems. We relied on the adults to handle things in a reasonable manner, and it nearly led to the apocalypse. So maybe that’s the point? Don’t rely on others to take care of things; if you see a problem, try and fix it. And likely specifically talking about climate change and the destruction of the environment. Galarian Corsola is a bleached, dead coral for a reason.

If that’s the case, then A+ for message, D- for execution. But it’s Pokemon, I know they can’t get too serious about things. But it mostly led to a story I didn’t really enjoy, full of characters that I loved. While I would prefer to finally have the remake of Gen 4, I wouldn’t be sad to see a Sword and Shield 2.

[gta-5-cheats]

Far Cry 5 Review

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Far Cry 5 Review

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Far Cry 5 is an open-world first-person shooter for the PS4, Xbox One, and Windows PCs set in the US state of Montana. You don the role of a rookie deputy whose first day on the job has you trying to arrest Joseph Seed — the charismatic leader of a doomsday cult known as the Project at Eden’s Gate. Naturally, things don’t go as planned and you find yourself leading a resistance against Seed and his army. Far Cry 5 was announced just before E3 2017 and followed by a demo that, while entertaining, wasn’t as technically convincing as it could be – what with wonky gunplay and so so visuals. We were curious to see what the game would ultimately deliver, particularly after getting a peek at the thought process behind Far Cry 5’s development.

Unlike earlier instalments such as Far Cry 3, Far Cry 4, and Far Cry Primal, Far Cry 5 has you playing a nameless protagonist. You aren’t Jason Brody, Ajay Ghale, or Takkar, and you have no voice and no backstory to speak of. You’re quite literally playing an avatar of yourself with various cosmetic choices in terms of skin, hair, and clothes. As you’re soaking in game’s events minus any interruptions or monologues from the character you play as, they have more of an impact. Going with a silent hero turns Far Cry 5 into a very different experience. While you may feel robbed of an origin or even simply the wisecracks your character would make in past games, it gives the game’s varied cast room to shine. From bit players like conspiracy theorist Zip Kupka, to big bad Joseph Seed himself, you get a better understanding of their motivations and narrative this way.

However Far Cry 5’s silent hero isn’t the only trick up its sleeve. What’s also changed is how you progress through the game. In past entries, you uncovered vast swathes of territory to explore by climbing and activating radio towers, but you won’t have to do that anymore. The previous approach had become somewhat of a running joke and it’s something Ubisoft acknowledges here, by having one of your earliest allies tell you that you won’t be hunting for towers (save for one) for the duration of this experience. What this means is, exploring the vast world of Montana gives you a lot more freedom. Each region is controlled by one of Seed’s henchmen (or heralds as they’re known) and you’re free to tackle them as you see fit.

  In order to do so, you’ll rescue members of the local resistance, bring down shrines and silos put up by the cult, reclaim outposts, and inevitably duke it out with each herald yourself. All of the aforementioned actions and story missions earn you Resistance Points. With enough of them, you’ll earn an audience with the herald at regular intervals, which will give you an idea of what you’re up against. These are tense moments shedding light into why cults are formed and add another dimension to these odd, sinister individuals.

Along the way you’ll use all manner of explosives, guns, and vehicles to wage war. Like in previous games in the series, you’ll use a pair of binoculars to scope out enemies before planning your approach. While you are rewarded for using stealthier means to get the job done, it’s more entertaining to call in an airstrike, or enlist the help of a ferocious bear to join the fray with the game’s Guns for Hire system. While this system was present in past games, its more meaningful this time around due to the larger, organised nature of the foes you’re up against. You’ll end up leaning on the Guns for Hire to aid you in tougher encounters, such as squaring off against an enemy fighter plane or a helicopter.

That said, Far Cry 5’s progression is not too dissimilar to another Ubisoft game — Assassin’s Creed Origins. You’ll find yourself indulging in many a quest to get to the next point in the story. The difference is that most of what you do in Far Cry 5 directly impacts the plot, while in Assassin’s Creed, it felt like busy work before you can take on missions that push the story forward. Thanks to this, Far Cry 5 feels all the more natural as every outpost won, every silo blown up, and every resistance member rescued, all go towards taking you forward in one way or another. It extends to your own abilities or perks. Kill enough enemies with a specific weapon, call in a certain number of air strikes or just strangling an opponent to death earns you points that can be used to increase your health, carry more weapons, or even stay underwater longer.

Far Cry 5’s meaningful sense of progression is backed up by fun moment to moment gameplay. Guns feel responsive with an adequate amount of heft and weight, while driving vehicles is a tighter experience than in past games from the series. It doesn’t hold back in terms of the toys at your disposal, granting you access to everything from bows and arrows to rocket launchers (and even a gaudy armoured truck with guns called the Death Wish) at a steady clip. The game’s arsenal is one of the more generous ones in recent years.

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All these features go a long way in keeping Far Cry 5 interesting. Granted, Ubisoft has waxed eloquent on how its choice of setting is still exotic, but the familiar-looking forests, farms, and enemy encampments would wear thin if not for all the creative ways you have to turn them into smouldering flames. Coupled with this being the lushest, most visually arresting locale we’ve seen, it staves off any sense of boredom.

On that note, Far Cry 5 looks absolutely gorgeous on the Xbox One X. From water reflections to expansive grasslands and even detailed character models, it’s a visual treat. Though it does suffer from one of the oldest issues plaguing open-world games — veer too far off the map and you’ll respawn, breaking immersion (pictured below). And considering that Far Cry 5 is in first-person, its cosmetic micro-transactions seem a bit redundant. Other than weapon and vehicle skins, purchases that give you a different look are wasted as you can’t see them.

In addition to this, Far Cry Arcade, which lets you create your own custom missions, is clunky to use with a controller. It tries to streamline the process with radial menus allowing you to choose between laying down different landscapes, but it’s far from intuitive to use. While we’re yet to check it out on PC, chances are that would be the way to go given that the flexibility of the keyboard and mouse are better suited for such tasks.

These issues notwithstanding, Far Cry 5 is a welcome entry in a series that’s been consistently entertaining over the years. The campaign is filled with memorable characters, robust progression, and action galore that all combine to make it a treat to play.

Pros:

Robust progression system

Solid gameplay

Great graphics

Cons:

Clunky Far Cry Arcade controls

Redundant micro-transactions

Minor immersion-breaking quirks

Rating (out of 10): 8

Gadgets 360 played a review copy of Far Cry 5 on the Xbox One X. The game is available on the PS4, Xbox One, and Windows PCs at Rs. 3,499 ($60 in the US) from March 27.

If you’re a fan of video games, check out Transition, Gadgets 360’s gaming podcast. You can listen to it via Apple Podcasts or RSS, or just listen to this week’s episode by hitting the play button below.

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[rollinbrigittenv8]

My 2017 Travel Favorites (countries, food, gear and more!)

Wandering Earl

As the end of the year approaches, I want to share my travel favorites from all the experiences that I had in 2017. It was a wild year, one that took me to 28 different countries, led me to 71 different accommodations and gave me some of the most memorable moments of my entire 18 years of travel.

So, here are my favorites from this year of adventures…

Travel Gift

Tinggly This has to be the perfect gift for someone that loves to travel. You choose from one of the ‘experience collections’ and the recipient receives a gift box containing 300 – 500 experiences in over 80 countries around the world that they can choose from. They then have 2 years to redeem one of the experiences. There are even versions that allow 2 people to share an experience together. Birthdays, weddings or any other occasion…who wouldn’t want to receive such a gift? Really creative and fun idea from the folks at Tinggly!

Luggage

Timbuk2 Co-Pilot Luggage Roller With my luggage, things are getting confusing. My excellent Eagle Creek Load Warrior had to be retired as I really gave that thing a beating over the past few years. It was an excellent piece of luggage though and I would highly recommend it. With that said, I decided to replace it with something different – the Timbuk2 Co-Pilot. It’s a smaller company but they make some really quality luggage and this thing is tiny, yet has more volume than my previous bag (up to 50 liters). It fits as a carry-on with any airline, keeps things very organized and is remarkably sturdy (even has ultra-strong skateboard wheels). So, this is my new luggage of choice and I’m loving it so far!

Accommodation

Riad d’Or – Meknes, Morocco Riad d’Or is just silly beautiful, with unique rooms scattered around an old labyrinth-like mansion right in the heart of the old market.

Mango Beach House – Zanzibar, Tanzania It doesn’t get more chill and impressive than Mango Beach House, especially if you want a beachfront room away from the crowds.

Merovigla Studios – Santorini, Greece Mmergovigla Studios just might be the best value on the island of Santorini, with unbelievable views from good-sized rooms and a great location…all for a fraction of what most hotels cost here.

Jaiwana Haveli – Udaipur, India I’ve been using the excellent Jaiwana Haveli on the India tours I lead and with their new renovated rooms, along with their rooftop views, awesome breakfast and lakeside location, this place has become even better.

Food and Dining

Orivy – Hoi An, Vietnam I could eat Vietnamese food at Orivy every day. Everything on the menu was award-worthy.

Fish and Zelenis – Novi Sad, Serbia We found this tiny place by accident while wandering around and we were blown away by the local appetizers and seafood they served. It’s also run by super kind people that treat everyone like an honored guest.

Soy – Berlin, Germany We went to Soy three times in one week during our stay. Let’s just say that doesn’t happen often.

Argo Restaurant – Santorini, Greece Argo just needs to be visited if you’re ever on Santorini – the traditional Greek food, the view, the atmosphere, the staff, it’s all something special.

New Country Visited

Morocco It was my first time to this country and just the landscapes alone were enough to keep me in awe for two and a half weeks. My favorite parts were the seldom-visited, but spectacular, Dades Valley and spending a night out in the Sahara Desert. I loved the experiences so much that I’ve put together another Wandering Earl Tour to Morocco for 2018 in case you’re interested in an unforgettable adventure

Cool Town for Hanging Out

Las Palmas, Gran Canaria My girlfriend and I spent 5 weeks in Las Palmas a few months ago and we liked it so much that it just might become our more permanent home base starting next year. It’s walkable, very affordable and easy to reach, it has beautiful city beaches, great food, a relaxed lifestyle, food markets, history and no shortage of excursion opportunities around the island (that’s an understatement as you have more beaches, mountains, canyons, little villages, national parks, lakes and more to explore). And most of the tourists that come to Gran Canaria stay in other parts of the island, leaving the main town relatively quiet. It’s not a town that many people think about hanging out in for a while but it definitely deserves a look. I have nothing but excellent things to say about this destination!

Tropical Destination

Seychelles I love tropical destinations and islands and beaches and all that. And now I am certain that I have seen the best out there. There is simply no other tropical location like this small Indian Ocean country and the gorgeous beaches, of which there are dozens, make the Seychelles true paradise in every single way. The island of La Digue was my favorite spot. If you like gorgeous beaches and laid-back island life (almost no cars on the island), it simply does not get better than La Digue in particular.

(Boracay came in second for me, a distant second, but nothing can match the Seychelles. Although, here’s a video I made on Boracay last week so that you can have a glimpse of this paradise too.)

Airfare Booking Site

Kiwi.com For years I would use Kayak.com and almost nothing else but this year, it seems that things have changed as I began noticing other websites were offering lower fares much more consistently. And Kiwi.com has become my new favorite because, to put it simply, I’ve found the cheapest fares on this site more times than any other site out there. They also make it easy by often combining separate tickets into one ticket, instead of forcing you to purchase two separate flights yourself if your journey is with more than one airline. That’s a huge bonus when hopping around the world.

Hotel Booking Site

Agoda.com and Booking.com This is a toss up but it’s always one of these two. With Agoda, the prices are often lower and you earn ‘Gift Cards’ almost every time you book with them. In just the past 3 months I’ve racked up $40 of gift card money to use on future bookings. But with Booking.com, once you get to the Genius Member level (only takes 5 bookings), you can really get some good discounts and perks. Between the two, I always find the lowest price for accommodation anywhere I go around the world. (I also use Airbnb a lot when an apartment would be more suitable than a hotel or guesthouse.)

*If you use this Booking.com link, you’ll get $25 off your booking (I will too!).

Travel Credit Card

Chase Sapphire Reserve This credit card is simply incredible. While it’s only for US citizens, the $400 yearly fee is nothing once you see the benefits. Those benefits include a $300 yearly travel credit, Priority Pass membership (access lounges in airports worldwide for free), great medical, trip and luggage insurance, 50,000 point sign up bonus, 3 points per travel dollar spent, Global Entry fee credit and 1.5 times points redemption ($1500 worth of points is actually worth $2250 when you redeem it for travel) and more. I’ve had the card for over a year now and it’s saved me a ton of money, led to a couple of free flights and the airport lounge access has been extra sweet. Well worth looking into if you travel a decent amount!

Headphones

Symphonized NRG 3.0 Earbuds When I wear these on an airplane, I can’t hear any of the noise around me. The noise cancelation is that good and the sound quality when I’m listening to music is excellent too. These are not a $300 pair of Bose noise cancelling headphones, but for $25, they do an awesome job. They’re also very sturdy, great for a traveler like myself that just stuffs everything in their bag.

Travel Clothes

Clothing Arts High-quality, pickpocket proof, good-looking travel clothes. That was the goal of founder and friend Adam Rapp when he set out to create a travel clothing brand. A few years later that brand has grown big time and he’s definitely producing some of the highest quality travel clothes out there. They’re not super cheap but they are super comfortable and super durable while protecting you in very unique ways from potential pickpockets as you travel.

Travel Apps

TripIt I use TripIt pretty religiously as it helps me stay organized. Every travel booking I make, I simply forward to TripIt and just like that everything – dates, airlines, hotels, reservation numbers, reservation details, etc. – are all in order and neatly visible in my app. I pop open the app and I can access any reservation I need in mere seconds.

Trover Trover is great for finding random things to do wherever I might be. Open the app, let it find your location and suddenly you have recommendations, along with photos and usually additional details, of places to visit and check out nearby. It’s better than a guidebook in my opinion and much more enjoyable to use!

WiFox WiFox was created by my friend Anil from FoxNomad.com and it allows you find Wifi networks and passwords in airports all over the world. Choose an airport from the map and a box pops up with the details you need to log onto the internet. All of the information is crowdsourced, allowing you to also add networks/passwords to the app that you find as you travel yourself.

Excursions

Masai Mara Safari, Kenya Our 3 day trip from Nairobi, Kenya into the Masai Mara Game Reserve was an absolute highlight of the year. With barely any other travelers around, we pretty much had the place to ourselves, with a private safari vehicle, a very comfortable and budget-friendly log cabin in the park and endless sightings of the Big 5 as we ventured across the wide savannah each day. We also had a chance to hang out with some Masaai villagers that invited us on a wander through the local town. A lot of people have asked me if a safari in the Masai Mara is really worth doing (and paying for) and I can definitely answer with a huge YES!

Lost Campers Road Trip – USA Renting a van from Lost Campers, we set out for a trip through California a few months ago. And it was brilliant as our reliable van allowed us to explore every destination we wanted to visit (including some remote state forests and mountain ranges) while always having a place to sleep. The van came with all the gear we needed, as well as a comfy mattress inside, and with a handful of locations in the western part of the US, picking up and dropping off the van is a breeze.

*Lost Campers has also given me a great discount code that you can use. The code “WanderingEarl” will get you 10% off ANY Lost Camper campervan, at any of their 4 locations, with no duration limit from December – March 2018

Airline

Qatar Airways For a few years now this has been my favorite airline. From aircraft to comfort to service to price, I’m not sure there’s a better value out there, at least for many of the routes I’ve flown. With that said, I only flew with them a couple of times in 2017 as I was traveling in different regions of the world than normal. But I still haven’t found another airline that matches what Qatar Airways can offer overall.

Specific Flight Route

Yeti Airlines – Biratnagar to Kathamndu, Nepal (right along the Himalayas) Any flight across Nepal is an absolute treat if you get a window seat on the correct side of the plane. A few weeks ago I was able to stare out at the Himalayan Mountains as I soared through the sky, at pretty much the same altitude as some of the peaks. It’s something to experience at least once and will instantly become one of your own travel favorites!

Precision Air – Dar es Salaam to Nairobi (right over the summit of Mt. Kilimanjaro) Our February flight in East Africa caught us by surprise when the pilot suddenly announced we were only five hundred meters directly over the summit of Mt Kilimanjaro. We rushed to the window on the left side of the plane and looked down. It was absolutely surreal.

And that’s my list of travel favorites for 2017. I’d be curious to hear what some of your favorite experiences, destinations, gear, meals and more might have been from your own travels!

Did I miss something? If you have a question about any of my travel favorites from this year, just let me know and I’d be happy to answer!

(By clicking on some of the links above, I may earn a small commission if you do purchase a product or service. This helps support the blog and I will never mention anything that I don’t truly believe in.)