#the muppets are genuinely SO good

[cheeseanonioncrisps]

Emotional scene from Muppets Star Trek.

[trentcrimminallybeautiful]

i think the diamond dogs should play improv games just bc it would amuse me, an ex theater kid, specifically

[superbelievesintadcooper]

MISS PIGGY FUCKED JOSH GROBAN?? GENDERFLUID PEPÉ?? HOW DID I JUST FIND THIS SHOW

[robertsbarbie]

i went to see haunted mansion tonight and it was both genuinely funny like the comedic timing was impeccable but also! it told such a hauntingly beautiful story of grief that i just! wasn’t expecting like it was so lovely

[gothghostiie]

cw: glory hole, handjob, Oral (reader giving), deepthroat, spouse!reader, gn!reader

The boys have been.. frisky. on edge. and Price noticed. they're pent up, not able to go home, very little to no privacy due to missions and just a lot to do frankly. the tension grows and Price knows he has to do something. so he calls his spouse.

nobody even notices when you come on base. the boys don't realise, of course john helps you sneak in. it's not really hard to sneak past the three of them, they're so up in their heads these days. john sounded desperate on the phone. He was genuinely worried about them, and what kinda spouse would you be if you refused to help your husband? so now you're there, sitting in his lap in his office while he explains what he wants you to do, caressing you all over and placing gentle kisses on your skin.

"you don't have to, by any means love. but if you want to.." he trails off, his eyes wandering over your face, nothing but love for you in his eyes. "I'd set it up, they won't even know it's you. 'less you want them to, that is." he gives your ass a squeeze, making you chuckle. he watches you closely as you think, before giving him a nod.

"okay. I'll do it." he smiles brightly, pressing a kiss to your lips.

"you're so good to me." he hums. "get comfy in here, I'll organise everything." he sits you on the small couch that he's fucked you on countless times by now before heading out. the boys wonder what the hell he's doing, why on earth he's clearing out the supply closet by his office - and more importantly why the fuck he's drilling into the door with that hole saw.

"he's finally gone mad." soap mutters as they watch him from afar, no matter how much they have to do, theyll always have time to question what the hell the old man is doing. Price glances over at them and chuckles, shaking his head as he smoothes the edges and tapes them over with duct tape.

"go get washed up you muppets. can smell you from here." he orders, if theyre gonna be using you they better be clean. "now!" the three men huff but decide to humor him, going to the communal showers. all three of them are tense and pent up, balls looking full and heavy. price almost wishes he could watch them, but he pushes the thought down. instead starts lining the closet with some pillows and blankets; puts a few more because the ones that come on the bunks aren't very soft. he puts a few bottles of water, some towels too, and a plushie he got on his last mission, that he meant to give to you once he got back home. no time like the present.

ge gets back to you, giving you some spare sweatpants and a shirt so you dont get yours dirty, doting all over you to make sure you're fully okay. even carries you to the closet and sets you down inside, kissing your head. "safeword?"

"red. orange if I need a break." he smiles lovingly and caresses your face.

"good. i love you."

"I love you, john." with that he gently closes the door and locks it. you have a spare key to get yourself out, but he doesn't need his boys to try and open the door. once he makes sure you're settled, he radioes them. he knows one of them always has their walkie talkie or in ear on them.

"Muppets. Get your arses over here, now. don't keep us waiting." the boys look puzzled. us? they know they have to go find out. so they go, finding price with his arms crossed next to the closet. they look at him like he's crazy.

"Cap, what's going on?" Kyle asks, price smirks.

"Lads, I've noticed youve been.. pent up, recently. i get it, i truly do. you lot are young and still full of energy, eh?" he teases, the boys frown in confusion. "anyway.. got a little something for ya. to help you relax." he knocks on the door - the boys freeze as they see your mouth through the small hole. its just big enough for each of them to get their cock through while keeping you hidden. Price chuckles, sticking his fingers through the hole, demonstrating as you suckle his thick fingers. "go ahead. don't be shy now." they hesitate, before Soap steps forward.

"is that..?"

"a glory hole, yes." Soap gulps softly. he's seen this happen in porn but this? he looks at price who gives him another nod before unzipping his jeans, already rocking a semi. he blushes slightly as the others snicker, scowling as he slowly shoves his cock through the hole. he waits impatiently, heart racing - before he feels your hands wrap around his cock, stroking him. he gasps, hips already trembling as he has to grip the door handle for supoort, it only gets worse when you wrap your lips around his thick tip. he grunts, leaning his forehead against the door. it doesn't take him long when you start bobbing your head, taking him all the way into your mouth, tongue running along his veins, suckling just enough for it to feel almost a little painful - just like he likes it. curses like a sailor when he cums, even louder when you swallow around his cock, only then letting him pull out once you do. he pants, trying to get himself dressed as he stumbles back.

Price chuckles. "you okay lad?" he pats soaps shoulder, then ruffles the sweaty mohawk, the man can only stare at the door in awe.

then kyle steps forward. he's a bit unsure still, even after seeing johnny get his soul sucked out, but he's definitely not letting that opportunity get to waste. getting his cock out and giving it a few strokes as he walks up to the door, shyly pushing a bit more than his tip through the hole, you chuckles softly. he feels his face heat up but holds still, hand still wrapped around the base of his cock and pumping the back a bit, unintentionally squeezing when you run your tongue over his tip. swollen lips wrap around the head of his cock, sucking gently and using your tongue, essentially making out with it. the moan that escapes his lips is anything but manly, eyes shut tight as he bites his lip to hold more back. "christ- feels fucking incredible.." he hisses, you smile around his cock, it makes him chuckle. he pushes in a tiny bit more, you double your effort when you taste the precum on your tongue; soon enough followed by his actual cum. he groans, riding out his orgasm until he's spent, letting you milk him for all he's worth. pulls back with a semi, some cum still dribbling from it as he smiles in satisfaction.

price rubs his back gently, whispering a word of praise to him that almost makes him wanna use the glory hole again right away.

but ghost is already in front of the door, eying the hole quietly for a good minute before he speaks up. "put your mouth to the hole. and open wide." he orders in a quiet tone, not wanting to scare you away. you swallow the water in your mouth and do as you're told, wishing you could see his pretty face right now. simon unzips his pants, his cock hard and heavy in his hand as he pushes through the hole and into your mouth, until his pelvis meets the door. he groans, knowing hes deep in your throat, the soft gagging confirming it. "hold still f'me, yea?" he mutters, before finally moving his hips, thrusting at a slow pace for now. he moans softly, the sound full of relief and pleasure, it's rare to see him like this. his hips soon speed up, making the door rattle slightly by the force of his muscular hips slamming against it, in and out of your poor throat. you gag softly, gasping for breath but not pulling back, you know how badly he needs this - and you really want to keep hearing those sweet moans, even if it's not for much longer. he holds out the longest, hold still when he finally releases in your throat. his eyelids flutter, eyes rolling back, making prices semi twitch slightly. only when you pull back to gasp for air he pulls away too, stepping away and dressing up.

its quiet between the four for a moment before kyle finally speaks up. "Cap?"

price looks at him, making a soft "hm?" sound.

"who the hell is in there?'

[lovifie]

Hormones Pt.2 🧡

Enemies to lovers | Fluff | smut | 2400 words | Masterlist

Part 1 - Next Part

Simon's POV

Simon was excited you joined, really. Even if you were not officially part of the team, whenever the Captain would tell him you were joining for a mission he already liked the mission better. 

He loved to see the way you were around the Sergeants, the three of you being the same rank made it easier to get along; and after a couple of missions together the three of you were already close friends, almost sibling-like. 

With the Captain was different of course, but it was still great. You wouldn't make call the captain a muppet like you liked to call Gaz, but would still make fun of him calling him “old man”.

Laswell liked you the best, the usually stoic woman entered now the room beaming with a smile when you were tagging along, obviously pleased with the presence of another woman.

And Simon, him… well, he tried. He really did!

Simon is aware that he is a big guy, tall, muscular and even if he has any trail of sympathy on his face it doesn't matter because it is always covered. But he wanted to make a good impression! You seemed like a nice girl, everyone on the team liked you and finally, when it was his turn to introduce himself he saw you looking up to him.

And you looked so beautiful, so genuine, so out of place on such a cruel thing the military was, he felt his heart speed up and his dick twitch a little bit.

He needed to make a great impression, so he practised in his mind “Hi, I'm Lieutenant Riley, but everyone calls me Ghost, welcome aboard, Sergeant.” It was perfect! The perfect introduction, perfectly cordial, perfectly measured, perfect everything. And yet, when the moment come, the only thing he said was: “The fuck you looking at? Want a pat on the back for making it here without shitting yourself in the process? Get the fuck out of my face, go bother somebody else.”

Simon wanted to shoot himself on his dick.

He realized he had obviously intimidated you, he was still your superior and on top of that he was an asshole to you.

But every time he tried to fix it, he would just make it worse. And at some point, you started to avoid him, and he hated it. You no longer reported to him, you went straight to Price, right over him and for a while he was both annoyed and impressed he couldn’t catch you doing it so he could afront you and ask you to report to him. To talk to him, basically. 

And then he did, he was just getting out of Price's office when you were about to knock, and he quickly realized what was going on. And he was going to ask you why and to please go back to him, but the only thing he managed to say was:

“Now you are too great to speak to your immediate superior? Need to go cry to the Captain like a brat? Make sure not to wet your nappies, soldier.”

And honestly, what's his fucking problem? 

He decided he was going to get over you, it wouldn't work anyway. C’mon, he was an adult, he couldn't keep getting out of his senses like this. So he decided he would just ignore you back, and eventually, he would forget about you and everything would be easier. 

Until Soap caught up, and now he couldn't backtrack. 

It was during sparring training, you were against Gaz and the taller man had jet to land a hit on you. It was impressive to see, how you used every single fact to your advantage. Gaz has gotten hit before on the right side of his face, hurting his eye; and you weren't even there when it happened but you quickly realized it and we're constantly moving to the right side of Gaz; annoying him and making him lose his focus. 

You moved so fast out of Gaz's reach, that he would have thought you were a glitch in a video game. And once you realized Gaz was getting tired enough, you grabbed his arm on one of his punch tries and by the time Gaz realized you had grabbed him; he was already face-pressed against the floor, arms behind his back and you sitting on his hips.

Any normal person would have been impressed, maybe even a little afraid; but Simon? Simon was aching with a growing boner; something about the way you were sitting over the bigger man, you back to Simon which gave him a perfect view of your ass, the way you were breathing hard after the exercise, yeah, no wonder Soap caught on.

“Ye getting exited, LT.” He suddenly said beside him, almost making him jump. “Ye getting a thing for the wee lass? A bet ye wish ye were Gaz right now.”

“Shut the fuck up, Johnny” 

He didn't, of course. 

But he promised to help him.

And a couple of weeks later, there is another meeting. Supposedly, Soap has a plan; he won't tell him what is it, but he has it. And when Simon enters the room and it is boiling hot, he starts to guess what it is. 

You are sitting opposite to Johnny, who smiles at Simon with a thumbs-up. Not that he looks at him for long, not when you are sitting right on the other side of the table. Wearing a tank top, tight on your body as you use your hand to fan yourself; looking up to him through your lashes, the look travelling straight to his dick. He sighs and sits down, waiting for his turn. 

Simon cannot really understand how being boiled alive will help him with you, but is not like he can ask Johnny now. In the end, he's glad he let the sergeant do his thing; because the moment he stands to give his presentation he can feel your eyes on him.

He is trying really hard to stay focused, he knows by memory what he has to say, but the moment he lifts his eyes from the paper, his mind is blank and he stutters on his words. But how can he not?

Your skin is glistening with sweat and Simon can feel his mouth water because of it, little droplets drip down your neck and over the mount of your chest, light reflecting like on a mirror as your chest raises with each breath. He looks up your arm, finding your thumb between your teeth as you bite your nail; your soft lips pressing your finger, your pink tongue visible through the small space between your teeth and it sends Simon's mind in a turmoil as to what he would like to do with your mouth.

He shouldn't, he is at work and he is giving a damn presentation! He doesn't dare to look at Price, he is sure he is talking no sense at this point, but he can’t peel his eyes away from you when he can feel you look at him.

It is then that he looks at your eyes, and he swears he has never seen you look like that. You have a hunger in your eyes that causes a shiver up his back, you have a determination mixed with a desperation that has Simon weak on his knees and you are not even looking at his face. You are looking at his body, he unconsciously flexes the muscles you look at and when he sees you focus your eyes on your crotch he has the need to sigh, emptying his lungs to suppress a moan. 

He looks back at the paper, trying to remain focused as he figures out where the last line he read is. He doesn't find it, because suddenly Johnny is laughing at the top of his lungs after you show him something on your phone. He cannot see it from where he is standing, and he fights with all his might not to bend down to be able to see it.

He'll ask Johnny later, once he is done with the presentation and doesn't have to fight a boner back.

He does ask him later that same day, when he is in the sergeant’s barracks lying on his bed.

“I told ye it would work, Lt.” Soap says smiling from his desk. “She's into ye, mate. Ye just need to stop being weird.”

“I'm not weird.” Simon defends himself, being interrupted by a knock on the door. Gaz pokes his head in, entering once he sees they are both inside; he wonders for a second what he is doing here until he sees you walk in just behind him.

Gaz has a brick of beers in his hand, he winks at Simon and he quickly realises he is into whatever plan Soap has orchestrated. He whips his head to look at the mastermind and finds him sitting on the other bed in the room, Gaz quickly sitting beside him; leaving only half of the bed Simon is sitting at left for you to sit.

Soap and Gaz look at him with a shit-eating grin on their faces when he looks at them, the two little shits are physically making you sit next to him, almost skin-on-skin with how much space Simon takes. 

You POV

Fucking Soap.

Last fucking time you trust him with your secrets! When you left the meeting this morning, he tackled you to ask you about why you were ogling like that at the LT.

“Is not me, Soap. Is it my hormones.” You whine, trying to convince him to let it go.

“Yeah, yeah, sure. But you were drooling for HIM.” He says, accentuating it. “It hurts my pride, bonnie. We were all in the room, but ye only had eyes for him.”

“Soap, for god's sake. I looked at him for two seconds.” You argue.

“Two seconds for each ball, lass. I saw you, looking up and down his bod. Ye got a crush for the Lt, bonnie?” He asks, moving his eyebrows up and down. You look at him offended before rolling your eyes. “I'm not fifteen, Soap.”

“I know, lass. The way you were looking at him was not of a fifteen years old, you were thirsting for him. You were staring at his willy, lass.” He says cocking his head and smirking.

“No, I wasn't!” You lie, feeling embarrassed to admit something like that.

“Shoot your shot, lass. I'm pretty sure he has a thing for you too.” He says, putting his hand over your shoulder.

“Yeah, murderous thoughts.” You snort, not believing the scotsman.

He laughs at you and claps your back stepping aside. “Trust me, give it a try. Ye may not end up married, but I'm sure ye'll get your kitty pet.” He says before taking a step back and mimicking having sex doggy style making you cringe which causes him to laugh. “Come to my room later, we getting drunk.”

Simon shimmies his way a little to a side, and even though for a second you wonder about sitting at the desk, you decide it is not worth it. 

This man has been just a little asshole to you since you met, and now suddenly your fucking hormones have you wanting to peel his pants off and choke on his dick. It's not fair!

So you sit down next to him, your leg touching his. He keeps his hand on his lap, only raising his hand to catch the beers can Gaz throw at him. He catches them, opens one of them and hands them to you. You grab it and mutter a thank you, looking at him and noticing him looking at the other men in the room. 

Gaz and Soap quickly start to talk, filling the room with a comfortable sound and Ghost and you remain as mere spectators. 

The beers get drunk fast, a warm feeling flooding everyone's bodies and everyone kind of melting onto the beds. At some point, you notice Simon move and the next thing you feel is the heavy weight of his arm over your shoulder.

You tense for a second, looking up at him, finally making eye contact with him and he says: “Sorry, luv. My arm was getting numb, you don't mind, do you?”

You shake your head, unable to speak. Simon's eyes on you, feel like a truck lying on your chest, but still, you can't peel your eyes away.

He looks down at your lips and you unconsciously lick your lips, an almost unnoticed groan leaving his throat. He caresses your arm making you jump and you get goosebumps all over your body.

“You two should make out.” Soap suddenly says, making you both look at him like he just grew a second head. Ghost is not the only one that has gotten comfy; Gaz and Soap are currently cuddling, legs tangled and Soap's head resting on Gaz's chest. “Yeah, Ghost's about to bust a nut just for looking at you, bonnie.”

You whip your head back to look at his crotch, and for the milliseconds before he covers himself you can feel the protruding bulge of his boner trying to break free from his pants. 

The little horny monster on your brain is rattling at the bar of your enclosure, urging you to just throw at him. It's been too long since you got laid and Ghost it's obviously reciprocating your feelings.

Gaz starts to chuckle with Soap, your irrational mind tells you that if anything they are laughing at Ghost, but your brain only tells you that they are laughing at you. Because maybe Ghost has a boner, but you are looking up at him, opening and closing your mouth like a fish and overall looking like an idiot.

Ashamed of yourself you start to stand up from the bed. “I'm going to sleep.” You vaguely feel Ghost's hand on your wrist, not fast enough to keep you in. And you leave the room keeping their complaints about not wanting you to leave inside.

You practically run to your room, throwing yourself on your bed, tears pricking your eyes from humiliation. And you would have cried if a knock on your door didn't interrupted you.

“What?!”

“It's me, can I come in, love?”

[misspygmypie]

What's That Brush For?

Pairing: Lando Norris x reader Requested: Yes Summary: Lando is fascinated by your morning makeup routine :) Words: 765

Please do not repost, thank you, and leave some feedback :)

Lando stood in the doorway, his eyes wide with fascination as you meticulously applied your makeup. The morning sun streamed through the window, casting a warm glow that made the whole process feel even more intimate. The Brit had been standing there for a good five minutes, observing you while you were pulling your hair into a high ponytail, without saying a single word. 

As you had moved on to doing your makeup for the day he just kept watching, mesmerized, as you skillfully blended foundation and brushed on eyeshadow with precise movements.

“Wow,” he said, leaning in closer, his voice tinged with awe. “I never realized how much goes into this. What’s that brush for?”

You watched as he picked up the little tool and looked at it wide-eyed, bopping its soft bristles with his index finger before bringing it up to his eyes and inspecting it closely.

You glanced up to your boyfriend. “This is a blending brush. It helps smooth out the eyeshadow so there are no harsh lines in between the colors.”

Lando nodded, clearly enthralled by the whole situation. “Can I try? I mean, I probably won’t get it right, but it looks like fun.”

You smiled at him, amused by his enthusiasm. “Sure, give it a go. Just be gentle and please don’t poke my eye out, I kind of still need it.”

“Shut up, you muppet, as if I was that clumsy…” he gave you a sour look and you chuckled, remembering some moments he definitely had been that clumsy.

As he carefully tried his hand at blending the different powders on your eyelid he asked, “Does it always take this long? I feel like I’m messing it up.”

“Practice makes perfect,” you reassured him, watching as his concentration intensified, his tongue now poking out of his mouth making him way more adorable than should be allowed. “It takes time to get the hang of it. And don’t worry, you’re doing fine,” you ensured him after a quick glance into the mirror.

He looked at the result and grinned, a mixture of pride and humor in his expression. “This is really cool. I had no idea it was such an art form. How did you learn all this?”

You laughed softly, appreciating his genuine interest which is something you never would have expected. But then again, this was Lando and he always was full of surprises. “A lot of trial and error, plus some tutorials online. It’s like anything else, practice and patience.”

Lando’s eyes twinkled with enthusiasm. “Maybe I should start learning more. Who knows, I might end up being a makeup artist on the side.”

You chuckled at the boy next to you. “You never know. It could be a fun skill to have. But don’t quit your day job just yet.”

He grinned, returning to his spot by the door, crossing his arms in front of his chest and leaning against the frame. “Fair enough. But if you ever need an assistant, I’m your guy,” Lando announced proudly, pointing at himself with his two thumbs.

“Thanks, Lan. I might just take you up on that offer someday. You know,” you said, applying a bit of highlighter with a deft hand, “makeup can be a lot like racing in a way. It’s all about precision, timing, and a bit of creativity.”

Lando raised an eyebrow, intrigued. “Really? I never thought of it that way.”

“Yeah,” you explained, smiling as you looked at him. “Just like in racing, you need to have good technique and an eye for detail. And there’s always room to experiment and improve.”

He nodded thoughtfully, clearly processing the comparison. “I guess it makes sense. And I suppose the same principles apply, practice makes perfect.”

“Exactly,” you agreed. “And it’s all about having fun with it, too.”

Lando’s grin widened. “Well, I definitely had fun. Thanks for letting me try it out. Maybe next time we can swap skills, I'll give you a few racing tips if you show me more about makeup.”

“Deal,” you said, laughing. “Looking forward to it. But how about a cup of coffee first?”

“That can be arranged,” Lando smiled and gave you a quick kiss before he headed out into the direction of the kitchen. 

As the door clicked shut behind him, you tidied up the bathroom counter, feeling a small bit of excitement about what had just happened. It was one of those small moments that made you appreciate Lando just that much more and perhaps you soon would learn something new about his world too!

[b1rds3ye]

I have to HC Simon is hella expressive under his mask because he really never has to worry about schooling his expressions; the mask does it for him. So picture it - he sees his work crush in the grocery store and immediately hides. Face, neck, ears bright red. (I also HC that he's got the mask off if he's off duty for extended periods of time.) All of a sudden, you're right behind him super excited to learn you live near each other and he just CANT get a grip. Can you picture it? Cause I can picture it, and I'm as soft a fucking pillow about it lol

AYO I CAN TOTALLY SEE THAT. Even with the mask, we’ve seen Simon be super expressive, he throws a nasty side-eye, has a death stare that would make anyone cry but have you seen the zoom up on his eyes?? They’re actually the sweetest puppy eyes sometimes oh my gOD-

Personally, I feel off-duty Simon still wears a mask for anonymity and also not to worry about pulling a funny face in public (man's being covid safe what a legend) but then there will be one day he forgets. And that will be the one day he runs into you and he knows fate is playing some stupid trick on him. He's so conflicted, he wants to hang around the vicinity (he usually just lets himself be found by you so he can get the small ego boost of you approaching him), but conversely there's nothing flattering about his face looking like a cooked lobster with how red it is. The rush of embarrassment overrides his want to see you and he's ducking behind aisles, hoping you'll get distracted by the rack of lollies that's fifty percent off. But of course you don't, you're far too stubborn, and you track him down throughout the grocery store.

"You alright Simon?" He hears your voice directly behind him in no time. Do you bloody teleport now? Seeing your face contorted in such concern has him reeling, wanting to snap out in denial that no, his face is not that red because he's found you.

"Sunburn," Simon grumbled and he's mentally slapping himself because Manchester hasn't seen a ray of sun for the last damn month. And you must've known that too because you're cocking an eyebrow at him, trying not to laugh and for once in his life Simon feels like an absolute muppet.

"Yeah, alright. It's nice to see you too," you snicker. You eye the items in his shopping cart, undoubtedly questioning the lack of diversity in his diet and Simon is genuinely hoping at this point that the earth will swallow him up whole.

"Hey," you clear your throat, eyes trained on his trolley cart, but no longer for scrutinising. If he hadn't trained for literal years to keep his composure, he'd likely be cupping your cheeks and cooing over your bashful expression as you struggled to get your next words out. But no, instead his composure is fully invested into desperately pummeling down the blood in his cheeks.

"I live pretty near here. If you want, you're more than welcome to come for dinner or a cup of tea? You like that, right?"

Good grief, his blush wasn't going to go down anytime soon.

[auggieblogs]

"I'm not even drunk" | OP81

Oscar Piastri x Reader

Warnings: Mentions of being drunk?

Author's note: Hiiii, beautiful people. I hope everyone is doing good. This one shot is inspired by a tiktok I watched recently. It was very cute and I hated it so much (I was jealous). Anyway, I hope you enjoy this. Happy reading:))

―୨୧⋆ ˚masterlist

It was your 21st birthday, and Las Vegas was the chosen destination for the celebration. Oscar, your boyfriend, planned the entire trip, determined to make it the most memorable birthday you'd ever experience. Initially hesitant about the idea, it took a considerable amount of persuasion, involving nearly the entire Formula 1 grid, especially Max, to get you on board. The Formula 1 drivers were on a break, and they were ready to party.

The night kicked off with Lando popping champagne during the cake-cutting ceremony. You were handed a glass, and with a cheeky grin, Lando said, "Cheers to being legal everywhere now! Except maybe on Mars." You felt the bubbles tickling your nose as you laughed with joy.

But then came the tequila shots with Max and Checo, and suddenly, sophistication was replaced with the burning sensation of regret and lime wedges.

By the end of the night, you were on a first-name basis with every type of alcohol, and Oscar gave you that "we're going to need a mop later" look.

Oscar, being the responsible partner he was, barely had a drink. He watched over you, wanting you to enjoy the night to the fullest.

As the night ramped up, you were on the verge of climbing onto the pool table, ready to deliver a speech that probably would've made Shakespeare question his career choices. Oscar intervened just in time, gently pulling you down with a, "Let's get back to the room, baby. I think you've had enough." You, however, were convinced the party had just begun. "No, Oscar, the night is still young," you slurred.

"But love, you'll be exhausted tomorrow, and the hangover won't be fun," Oscar reasoned, successfully convincing you to return to the hotel room.

Eventually, Oscar managed to coax you into a cab, where you continued to babble about how you weren't even drunk and thanking him for the incredible night. Your words were a bit of a jumble, but Oscar simply smiled, appreciating your genuine happiness. He sat next to you, nodding along with a patient smile, occasionally muttering an "Oh, really?" or a "That's amazing" to keep you going.

Upon reaching the hotel, you clung to Oscar like a drunken sloth. In the elevator, you gave him a squinty-eyed grin, saying, "I'm not even drunk, Oscar!"

He shot back, "Really? What's with the wobbly legs then?"

"You, baby," you replied with a wink, your laughter echoing off the elevator walls. Oscar just chuckled, probably wondering if he should get you a helmet.

Exiting the elevator, Oscar tried reasoning with you, "You're wasted, love." You straightened up with all the dignity of a penguin trying to impersonate a giraffe. "I'm as sober as a cat in a cucumber garden!"

Back in front of your hotel room, Oscar, in full dad mode, hands on hips, challenged you, "Prove it! Show me you're not drunk."

"Oh, I'll prove it," you announced, pulling out your phone to make a phone call to Lando. "He'll tell you I'm as sober as a... a really sober thing!"

When Lando answered, you shouted into the phone, "Lando, tell Oscar I'm not drunk!" Lando's laughter erupted from the speaker, "Yeah, you're definitely drunk, you muppet."

You rolled your eyes and handed the phone to Oscar, pouting, "He's the drunk one, not me!"

Determined to seal the deal, you declared, "I can tap dance to prove I'm not drunk!" And without waiting for a response, you started a wobbly tap dance routine in the hallway ( which was more like a human interpretation of a malfunctioning robot than a dance).

Oscar doubled over with laughter catching you just as you lost your balance. "Alright, alright, you've made your point!"

As you both stumbled into the hotel room, still giggling, you managed to blurt out, "Best birthday ever," before collapsing onto the bed. Oscar, smiling like a lovestruck puppy, joined you on the bed, engulfing you in the biggest bear hug and said "Happy birthday, love. You're never drinking again."

[tubbytarchia]

Wild Life Session 4 smallidarity thoughts (+ some Scar and Lizzie)

See it was all fine, nothing to worry about!! Joel couldn't bring himself to kill Jimmy, he barely even harmed him. I'm pretty sure he shot him just once (after Jimmy trampled their crops so. fair)? Joel calmed down, he rebuilt his car, everything is fine. He says at the start that he's wary of Jimmy because of him going after Joel last time, and that's about it for the time being

Jimmy dies and Joel makes a deal out of it and calls him a muppet. As per usual. Meanwhile Jimmy is still adamant to get at Joel whilst Scar tries to deter him because they want to be an alliance

He and Jimmy meet up at some point after their brief interaction at the start where Joel shot him, and they just banter. And Gem and Scar are just standing there like "guyss we're a family come on" meanwhile Joel and Jimmy's exchange goes as follows: Jimmy: "you're the ones with tasty lives!" Joel: "yeah bet you wish you could have a chunk of me!" "Oh I'm having a chunk out of you!" "Yeah and you know where to take that chunk out of!" "Oh I'm gonna take it! I'm taking it!" "You should!" And then Gem and Scar tell them to break it up and Joel goes "we're just flirting!!" ? what the fuck? Genuinely WHAT are they talking about. is this an innuendo of some sort. is this another ambiguous smallidarity sex scene sorry who said that

Jimmy gets a double kill (in the most adorable way btw. The way he weasels his way in there and backs off and comes back to try again all crouched. animal) and goddd people hyping him up is so so sweet. He deserves this. He's also a little bit evil, he's getting the murder rush but I'm happy for him. He needs to kill more people, he needs to get this out of his system, he deserves this, things need to get worse before they get better. ANYWAY Scar all "that was the greatest kill ever on the life series" is so cute. And man I gotta agree. There's more unique and funny and impressive kills but I would not mind calling this the best just for the fact that it's Jimmy. He's competent, he can do shit like this, but it feels like most everyone and the world is continuously against his survival, but here he is... my son...

And then Joel coming up to congratulate him... Really blummin cute. In Joel's POV also, he says "I went to congratulate Jimmy and we had a moment" which I wager he might be referring to the creeper incident as 'the moment' but that'd make no sense to call it that. With that tonation. Why did he say it like that. Stop being cute

But yeah Scar tries to blow Joel up with creepers only for Joel to save him from his own creeper and he's so casual about it. He is incredibly kind to the bamboozlers, it's really cute...

And then Jimmy does it!! He gets Joel!! And he gets him real good!! And can you believe that the first person to kill either of the family duo is Jimmy, of all people. Scott has died by this point too and Jimmy is the one to make a dent in the full 6-life alliance. Crazy. I'm so proud of him. It was seriously really good too, see, when Jimmy puts his mind to something and is able to focus he excels, he really does. And Joel, oh Joel is such a good sport about it. He keeps saying how it was good and fair and that he still wants an allyship with him. Tells him "welcome back to green" aww. And they make a truce, Jimmy got it out of his system and now they can be friends and go kill other people instead and Joel is proud of him... Jimmy "Joel, I finally got you, so I will stop now, so let's do the perfect dap" and then they both count down and clap their hands to simulate slapping palms. Awesome. All of Joel and Jimmy is just really cute this time around. Very happy about them being a more proper alliance now, but we'll see if it sticks... Joel can only be so mean to Jimmy at this point though I don't think he has it in him to betray him or anything lol. Can't speak for the rest of them but not too worried for the smallidarity, it's a plentiful crop...

Also a very important exchange between Lizzie and Jimmy at some point: "I just finangled a load of diamonds off of Joel" "Oh? How did you do that?" "I asked him just really nicely" (lie btw she was moreso extorting Joel) "Oh, that doesn't work when I... I guess... you are his wife, I guess..." "Yeah..." "Lucky for some I guess- right (unrelated topic)" I'm not 100% confident that's what Jimmy said at the end, it's a bit hard to make out but. what? Hello?

I also extend gratitude towards Lizzie for being so nice and supportive of Jimmy, she was the one to suggest the cobweb creeper trap that ended up taking Joel out, but she also insisted that he drink a health restoration stew beforehand in case anything went wrong. Jimmy didn't end up doing so (he was full) and Lizzie is all "why?" and "something could have gone wrong". man. Nice to him...

[miss-vanta-likes-to-write]

We are back again with John Price x P.Y.T. pt3

You've been at John's house for a few weeks, playing live in girlfriend. He accidentally gets seen by your mom on a video call.

PT.2

🔞MDNI🔞 even if this is just fluff

Your family was beside themselves when after you video call, your mother had seen John kiss you on the cheek. She had initially thought you were getting your travel wanderlust out of your system before you got serious with life. A young single childless woman who found success on social media, bringing in checks from doing style, hair, and make-up reviews. She really thought that you just liked England the most and had solo traveled there on a whim.

So imagine her surprise when you video call her showing the view of the city you're in. You're catching up with her about a cousin's baby shower when John makes his appearance. It's a bit early in the evening, around 6 pm. He's getting ready to meet the guys for a few drinks and to watch a gamd, and without thinking, he walks into frame and places a kiss right on your cheek.

"Sweetheart, you sure you don't want to come along?" He asks, his voice low and saccharine. He has not noticed your mom yet or her wide eyes.

"Excuse me, Miss Ma'am!" Your mother shouts loud enough, "and who exactly is that man!? Where are you! Who house you laid up in!?"

Your mouth is wide open, in shock, because you weren't ready to make things public yet. Especially since you both were in the middle of figuring out how to make things work between the distance and his career. John looks up and gives your mom a genuine smile, seemingly just now noticing you were even on a call.

"Hello ma'am." His blue eyes are sparkling with joy, and what you can only describe is underlying smugness. "I'm John Price."

"Mom, I know what this looks likes" You manage to stammer out. You can't even look at the woman you're so embarrassed about being caught.

"I'm calling your uncle Missy. And you better answer the video call. In fact, send me your location!" She's ranting now. You quickly pause the video, putting it on mute.

"Johnathan." You groan, leaning back into the couch, "It's not fair. Do you know the bull shit you just started?" Your voice takes on a whiney tone, and the only comfort you get is a kiss to the forehead.

"It’ll be fine, Sweetheart. You have my permission to say I'm your fiancé." He teases with a chuckle.

You roll your eyes at both him and the sound of your uncle joining the call. "And make it worse! No thanks."

He gives you another kiss on the nose, "Want me to make it up when I get back?"

"Leave your good credit card, and drink a bunch of water before you come home. You're gonna practically live between my legs when you get back." There's a pout on your lips, and he just places a kiss to your lips.

"I won't be long, Sweetheart." He says before leaving.

Post Scene

John and his team are at their regular pub, watching a football match. Periodically, his phone buzzes, lightning up with his Sweetheart's messages.

Sweetheart: I just bought me a new bag and shoes as your apology. We're going to go pick it up tomorrow when you're done with work.😌

Sweetheart: also, my uncle wants to hit you with a full background check. Mom is in hysterics and thinks I'm pregnant now. 🙄

Sweetheart: 🙄 Johnathan Price. I am being nagged because of you. When you get home, you're putting me in a better mood. Expeditiously.

Soap had taken notice of his captain’s phone buzzing throughout their conversations. Every once and awhile would type away on his phone. A smirk on his face before tuning back in fully to the conversation at hand.

"Aye Cap, whats got ye 'ttention?" Soap raises a brow. He's got this curious air about him that threatens to bleed into him being a little muppet. He's effectively called everyone's attention to the rapid messages he's received back to back.

John had not spoken about his Sweetheart and let the boys know she had been staying with him. His initial plan was working, and right now, they were trying to work out the kinks to what they both wanted in this relationship. At some point, he had made it quite clear that he intended to give her his last name and wanted to give her at least two babies, if not three. His Sweetheart heard his wants and told him that her mother was a kept woman, and she expected the same. He had told her with a smile on his face to write down everything she wanted as his kept woman.

John sipped his beer for a second before answering, "Lads, in about four months, you're coming with me and my future Missus to our elopement. Probably after that there will be a formal wedding down the line."

It was quiet at the table before Soap and Gaz shouted, "What!".

Simon just sighed, "This has to be a mid-life crisis."

John just shrugged his shoulders with a smile.

[muzsmocsing]

Reviewing tgcf characters because I have thoughts

I finished S2 recently and I need somewhere to put my not exactly hot but like warm (?) takes because it's taking up too much storage space in my brain.

🤍 Xie Lian 🤍

It's a good thing I'm not into guys because if I was I would be on my knees for this man in every sense of that expression and his pet menace to society would mince me up like garlic.

So I'll try to be brief about my overflowing feelings about him. Xie Lian is the best main character I have come across in a WHILE. He's the embodiment of compassion and kindness. And also a cold blooded murderer. A babygirl. A father figure. A terrifying martial god. A silly little guy. A pathological liar. The most genuine man you'll ever meet. He's everything, and Hua Cheng is 100% valid in his obsession. I'm right there with him.

Rating: 10/10

❤️ Hua Cheng ❤️

Idk if we ever figured out who wrote My Immortal but I'm pretty sure we have our culprit.

"Hi my name is Hua Cheng Crimson Rain Sought Flower Red-Robed Ghost King and this is my evil weapon of death E-ming. I've killed soooo many gods with it!! My dark power is I can summon storms of BLOOD and SUFFERING. I have my own scary city of DEMONS and they all love me and think I'm HOT but I only want my BOYFRIEND who's the only REAL GOD so STOP FLAMING HIM YOU POSERS-"

Needless to say I love him. Being the 8 time winner of the Loverboy of the Century Awards with unbeatable records in the yearning olympics is truly a remarkable feat.

Rating: 9/10

(Bonus: E-ming. Cute little guy. Likes his stepdad more than his real dad. Not afraid to show it's feelings even if it makes it look like a muppet, 10/10)

🧡 Feng Xin & Mu Qing 🧡

Tweedle dee and tweedle dum gets a shared rating because they would hate to be grouped together like that and that's funny to me. Their dynamic is great, they're good characters, I wasn't sure which one was which until midway through the second season. But then also I have a pair of 7yo twin cousins who I still can't tell apart despite them not looking even a slight bit similar so that might just be a character flaw on my end. Oops.

Rating: 7/10

🩵Shi Qingxuan🩵

I'm doubling the rating because she is best boy and best girl at the same time. I love that I can use any and all pronouns for him because he's literally a pride parade personified and therefore all of them are correct. You don't get that type of chaotic fun just anywhere.

He is truly living my dream, presenting as whatever gender they want depending on what's more convenient and/or funnier in the moment. Super useful, for things like gathering intel and terrorizing Feng Xin by being a woman.

And I personally think we should crown her the new emperor. She'd look significantly better on that throne, with her Barbie-like radiance and flourishing Kenergy.

Rating: 20/10

🖤 Ming Yi 🖤

Listen, I hate to say it because I like a sunshine x grump moment as much as the next gay but he's just... not giving what he thinks he's giving. Everyone is whispering ominously about him having some dark devastating secret but MY point is no matter how big his boobs are in his female form, Shi Qingxuan could do better. I'm sorry. She really could.

Rating: 4/10

💙 Lang Qianqiu 💙

Just an honest man with good intentions and a sickass fucking sword. He did NOT hesitate to attack the infamous Crimson Rain Sought Flower on SIGHT and I respect a quick decisionmaker, even if it shows some himbo tendencies. He also has the same distinct energy as Fred from Scooby Doo.

Rating: 6/10

💚 Qi Rong 💚

He's got some odd dietary and moral choices going on. Definitely. But he's just such a fun villain!!! Being Xie Lian's nr 1 source of migraines SHOULD make me like him less but I'm sorry, every time he was on screen I was LIVING. He would do numbers on reality TV. Someone put this guy on Kitchen Nightmares, I need to see him 1v1 Gordon Ramsay.

Rating: 7/10

��� Jun Wu 🌚

He has his emperor status & DILF card going for him but something about this man just ain't right. If he came to a party I was attending I would cover my drink is all I'm saying.

Rating: 2/10

🔥Pei Ming🔥

I don't know much about him besides he had that one shady empolyee or whatever (could not hear the plot over the deafening sound of Hua Cheng's yearning) but I'm partial to a good manwhore character. The thought of people praying to him like "Hugh Mungus, who art in heaven-" really tickles me.

I know he's probably straight but I headcanon him as at the very least bi-curious because you can't be that hot with that much game and not use it for evil. (That evil being causing large scale gay awakenings among his soldiers.)

Rating: 7/10

❓Pei Xiu❓

Unreliable, unimportant, unattractive, unemployed.

I remember not a singular thing about him besides fucking up Xie Lian's daughter's life and also being on my last nerve from the jump. If you're going to be evil at like least be memorable about it, you know? You can't be a bad person and a bad character at the same time. Pick a struggle.

Rating: 1/10

📚 Ling Wen 📚

I heard she committed some war crimes but honestly if I had to do an entire realm's tax returns by myself AND teach Pei Ming how to read (I refuse to believe that man is literate, just look at him) I would want to rage on occasion too. I hope she has a hot wife waiting for her at home to give her massages after carrying the whole system on her back all day. It's what she deserves.

Rating: 8/10

Thank you for reading!! Opinions might change once I read the books but as of now this is it. Remembering everyone's names has been a journey and a half so this post is sponsored by @kirstenly 's character cheat sheet go look at it! and everything else too!!!

[tossawary]

I feel like I should be clear, as I poke and prod at all of the loose threads of various "Star Wars" media, and I say that this part or that part was bad or weak or frustrating, that I do genuinely like SW a lot. I think it's fun to examine the flaws (when I note that a character has personality flaws, that is not necessarily to say that I think this is a flaw in the writing), but there's a lot about it that I think is genuinely good. And not just because I first became enamored with magic laser swords as a small child and will always be fond of space operas with Muppets. (Look, I know Yoda isn't real. He's a puppet. I know this. But also, look at him!!! He's a person!!! Like Kermit the Frog!!!) Not just "SW would be so good if it was good" potentially good, but already strong and interesting and exciting!

(Admittedly, I keep thinking this, then I yet again stumble on some part of SW that's pretty rancid (the racist caricatures) or just kind of boring, and then it's like, "Oh, come on, I was JUST defending you!!! Stop betraying me this way!!!" There's a lot about it that's: "Yikes. Not cool." I don't think anyone needs to overlook those things.)

Trying to put my finger on the magic of SW for me is hard. My mind keeps going back to that Pratchett quote: "It's still magic even if you know how it's done." SW at this point is the work of thousands of artists. A labor of love for so many!!! (And just a job for others, but that's still effort!) Writers, actors, editors, costumers, makeup artists, puppeteers, set builders, matte painters, prop makers, musicians, foley artists, animators, illustrators, choreographers, stunt actors, game developers, and on and on, and science fiction and fantasy makes so much of their work even more obvious as they try to construct whole worlds, which often clash against each other. The creative strings of SW are so visible. They are shamelessly funky and weird and vibrant and working on rule of cool! What it does and what it's trying to do are right there to pluck! So reachable! You can really dig your hands into those plot holes! If you're an artist, the ancient, unwieldy movie magic giant that is SW kind of says to you, "Hey, you could do this too."

[angelic-ambedo]

The Weirdest Fucking Movies I've Ever seen Pt. 1

Okay so I sort of champion myself as a lover of weird movies. And it's funny because regardless of how many I've seen, every time I watch a weird movie I genuinely feel as if it is the weirdest movie I've ever seen in my life.

So, I decided to make a list which compiles all of said weird movies and then a description of why I find each so uniquely weird. If you find any of these descriptions or titles intriguing, I recommend you seek these movies out, because a weird movie = a good life ya know so yeah

If you have more weird movies please please recommend them im hungry for new crazy cinema bebesssss

Eraserhead (1977) - genuinely makes no sense.

Coherence (2013) - trippy scientifically interesting thriller

Some Velvet Morning (2013) - abusive cat n mouse relationship

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004) - emotional violence

Greener Grass (2019) - let's shame suburbia!

Trash Humpers (2009) - people fucking the trash...?

Julien Donkey-Boy (1999) - mental illness be so sad and trippy

Gummo (1997) - literal photo album of a dysfunctional town

Slaughtered Vomit Dolls (2006) - bulimia PSA in disguise

Black Bear (2020) - art seeps into the "real" world

Begotten (1990) - god kills himself

Trouble Every Day (2001) - eating people presented as...a turn on?

Baise-Moi (2000) - punk feminist murderous women are sick and society sux

Palindromes (2004) - one character is played by a ton of different actors of different ages, races, and sexes

964 Pinocchio (1991) - so much vomit, even more cyberpunk lobotomy sex machine madness

Meet the Feebles (1989) - the muppets give each other STDs and commit mass murder

In the Realm of the Senses (1976) - a torrid, pornographic affair used to escape the horrors of a war-torn world

Enter the Void (2009) - going to the past, present, and future, POV shots that include blinking, going inside the body, taboo themes with a psychedelic style

Love (2015) - horny pseudo-porno about a misogynistic asshole who somehow pulls hot, sexually adventurous women

Climax (2018) - LSD fueled nightmare

Pink Flamingos (1972) - a competition to be the "filthiest person alive" (spoiler alert: the cool drag queen wins)

Vivarium (2019) - Suburbia is still creepy, guys

Be My Cat: A Film for Anne (2015) - can we please stop having erotomania like celebrities aren't into u babe :(

No No Nooky TV (1987) - Computers being cool and saying "boobs" and "clit"

The Piano Teacher (2001) - unsafe nonconsensual bdsm and sexual repression is...no. please no.

The Night Porter (1974) - stockholm syndrome and wild bdsm stuff with postwar themes

Belle de Jour (1967) - more bdsm themes

Titane (2021) - woman fucks a car and gets pregnant

Daisies (1966) - two girls cut up pickles and destroy the patriarchy

Creep 1 and 2 (2014, 2017) - murder has never been this funny

Garbanzo Gas (2007) - a human cow gets an all-expenses paid trip to a motel before it hits the slaughterhouse

Melancholie der Engel (2009) - ew.

In Our Garden (2002) - old men dicks + weirdest dialogue I've ever heard in my life

The Rehearsal (TV series) (2022) - this is the ultimate weirdest thing ever and I don't know how else to categorize it.

Trigger Warnings (all of these movies are weird/fucked up but some of them contain actual fucked up stuff that like. happened in real life. so below are the triggers for that kind of stuff. All of these films are genuine films, not the gore stuff the internet produces, but some of them because of the country/time period/transgressiveness include content that is inappropriate and/or ethically unacceptable, so I've included those movies below)

Baise-Moi - unsimulated sex scenes which includes SA scenes that actors consented to but characters did not. this proves a feminist point but is still incredibly upsetting and stayed with me for a while as there are close ups and its awful.

In the Realm of the Senses - Please look into this one more before you watch it, I'm not going to describe things in detail because it makes me so uncomfortable but there are some scenes that involve young actors that should not ethically have been in the situations they were put in. The movie is exceptionally well made and from what I know globally respected so I don't know why they had to ruin it for me but whatever.

Pink Flamingos - One infamous scene involves an actual chicken death. It was the early 70s (long time ago and no PETA) and they apparently ate the chicken afterward, so I felt less immoral about this one but still gross.

Melancholie der Engel - okay please genuinely never watch this movie unless you're super into traumatizing yourself and are very desensitized I guess. There's a ton of actual animal abuse in very very graphic/unnecessarily disturbing shock type situations. There's other bad unsimulated stuff but this is the worst of it from what I know.

Love and Meet the Feebles contain scenes that are transphobic and/or racist, which is gross. Slaughtered Vomit Dolls was made by a very bad person. A bunch of the movies also have unsimulated sex stuff, I don't know if that makes anyone uncomfortable but if it does I'm just putting it out there.

[crazylittlejester]

What kind of movies/shows do you think the modern boys would like? I personally think Sky would LOVE Studio Ghibli and War and Wild would enjoy movie musicals

OOOH!!

You’re absolutely right Sky would love Studio Ghibli, and he’d like those older animated disney movies like Cinderella and winnie the pooh. He’d also love those plotless lifetime and hallmark movies, because it’s really just people walking around and its always the same five actors doing the same 2 plots over and over again and he’d love making fun of them and ‘predicting’ what comes next akdmdkd. I think he and Sun would like watching the christmas themed ones together. Also you can pry his nature documentaries out of his cold dead hands

WARRIORS DRAGGED TWILIGHT TO SEE WICKED WITH HIM, BAWLED HIS EYES OUT, AND THEN MADE HIM GO SEE IT WITH HIM AGAIN. He’s a theater kid in theory, he’s not the worlds most talented singer (if you ask Twi he’d say War can’t sing at all and that him “screaming to lady gaga” is “the most horrific sound ive ever heard in my life, War, you’re gonna make my ears bleed”) but he has the passion and borderline obnoxious energy, he just never had the time to do musicals in school. War also really likes dramas and reality tv. When he’s really sad he’ll throw on something like Dance Moms and then just scream at the tv or sit there in absolute shock because how in the name of the gods did this air

Twilight LOVES weird mystery/thriller shows, which is hilarious coming from the guy who at age 11 was so scared of muppets most wanted he broke down sobbing when his dad stuck a picture of kermit the frog on the fridge (and also several other locations in the house) and now has a lifelong fear of the muppets (though its simmered down to more of an anxiety now, he can watch the muppets but he WILL jump if he unexpectedly sees kermit). He’s a big film guy, he really appreciates looking at how frames and scenes were shot and how that adds into storytelling, he doesn’t have a genre he sticks to he’s just biased towards mystery stuff. He loves Knives Out, and does genuinely think the first Twilight movie is a cinematic masterpiece (hence the nickname, ‘Twilight’), and he appreciates a good movie musical as well

this was a fun question to answer!! thanks for asking it :)

[nyoomfruits]

-hugging and absentmindedly kissing their neck, resulting in mortification for one of them

Feels like a very lando move but leave it to you 🤔 Maybe he does it to the third then to try even it out/play it off but that makes it much worse or.... better 🤷‍♀️

hugging and absentmindedly kissing their neck, resulting in mortification for one of them

Max and Lando have really only been dating, officially dating dating, for roughly four months when Lando already manages to fuck it up.

In his defense, things have gotten a little… confusing, since they started dating. Or well, they probably got confusing long before that, back when Lando and Oscar first became teammates. See, Oscar and Max already knew each other. So it wasn’t weird for Oscar to join them, whenever Max was at a race.

Oscar and him were becoming closer and closer anyway, so really. It made sense. All of his best friends neatly packaged into one little bundle. Never having to choose between one or the other. It was ideal.

But then Max kissed him, right after his win in Miami, in a crowded club where no one would see, no one would care, and suddenly everything changed.

Except for Oscar. Oscar was still there. He offered, sometimes, to give them some free time, just the two of them, but Max and Lando always denied him. It had always been the three of them, why should that suddenly stop now?

Although Lando is starting to realize there’s a very good reason why. That maybe. Should have stopped.

The reason, and the way he fucks it up, all boils down to this.

They’re in Oscar’s room, curled up on the giant double bed, playing Mario Kart. Lando’s wedged in the middle, because he runs the coldest, and he’s the only one currently not playing, instead half snoozing on Max’s shoulder.

“Get blue shelled, bitch!” Max exclaims loudly, and Oscar lets out a quiet ‘noooo’, as something explodes on the screen, and the shoulder Lando is snoozing on gets slightly jostled.

“Yay, go you babe,” Lando mumbles, leans up to press a kiss to Max’s cheek that instead ends up somewhere on his neck.

The room goes quiet. “Thanks,” Max says, then. “But that’s Oscar.”

Lando’s eyes fly open, and he abruptly sits up only to find out the shoulder he had been snoozing on, the shoulder he was sure belonged to Max, was indeed, actually Oscar. “Oh my god,” he says, slightly mortified.

Oscar, meanwhile, is a truly delightful shade of read. “’S okay,” he says, quietly.

“About time, really,” Max says, the only one who seems completely unfazed by the whole thing. “Now scoot over, it’s my turn.”

“What?” Lando says, eyes wide, staring from Oscar to Max back to Oscar back to Max.

“Kissing Oscar, you Muppet,” Max says. “Thought we’d never get here.”

“Get where,” Lando stresses, as Oscar mumbles, “Uh, what’s happening?”

It’s Max’s turn to stare at them a little confused. “Us three? As like, a thing? I mean, that’s where we’ve been heading this whole time, right?”

“Have we?” Lando asks, genuinely confused, as Oscar says, “Oh my god.”

“Oh great,” Max says, rolling his eyes. “They’re both oblivious.”

“I’m not, I’m just. Me?” Oscar asks. He’s still quite pink in the face, and looking a little lost, all things together. For someone who is usually pretty unflappable he looks very. Flapped.

“You know, now I think about it,” Lando says. “It makes sense. Remember that dinner last week?”

“Where you kept saying you felt like something was missing but you couldn’t pinpoint what exactly,” Max says, a little dryly. “Yes.”

“Huh,” Lando says, as Oscar repeats another, “Oh my god.”

“What about you, Osc,” Lando says, turning to Oscar. “You in?”

“What? It can’t be. That’s not how you ask someone,” Oscar says, a little flustered.

“Ah, yes, sorry, excuse me,” Lando says, clears his throat. “My dearest darlingest Oscar. Would you be so kind as to kiss the living daylights out of us and hold our hands and go get pizza with us for maybe forever, if you so please.”

“Oh my god,” Oscar says, again.

Max shrugs. “I’ll take that as a yes,” he says, and surges over Lando to finally kiss Oscar, too.