#the mundane acts that we take for granted(life in general) are better because of love

[deeez-n]

girl its literally impossible to interpret megumis dialogue as anything but romantic some of u just wanna be different and homophobic

[an-overthinkers-way-to-life]

Blog #7 - Writing "Magic"🌟

No more diving into pools of chlorinated water lit green from below. No more ball games played out under floodlights. No more porch lights with moths fluttering on summer nights. No more trains running under the surface of cities on the dazzling power of the electric third rail. No more cities. No more films, except rarely, except with a generator drowning out half the dialogue, and only then for the first little while until the fuel for the generators ran out, because automobile gas goes stale after two or three years. Aviation gas lasts longer, but it was difficult to come by.

No more screens shining in the half-light as people raise their phones above the crowd to take photographs of concert stages. No more concert stages lit by candy-colored halogens, no more electronica, punk, electric guitars.

No more pharmaceuticals. No more certainty of surviving a scratch on one’s hand, a cut on a finger while chopping vegetables for dinner, a dog bite.

- Station Eleven by Emily St. John Mandel

Chapter 6 of Station Eleven. Two pages. All sentences started with a “no”. Yet it told so much about the world that became. The way how this chapter was laid out really stood out to me. This post-apocalyptic novel jumped back and forth between characters before and after a catastrophic flu wiped the nation. It was written in the third person but certain chapters focused on specific characters and wrote incidents from their perspective. However, there were short chapters spread throughout that didn’t seem to belong to any character. Which begged the question, whose perspective was this and were they the narrator of this book? 

Something I noticed immediately was how personal this chapter felt. It didn’t list the big changes but rather the mundane bits of life. It began with, “No more diving into pools of chlorinated water lit green from below. No more ball games played out under floodlights. No more porch lights with moths fluttering on summer nights.” It used brief sentences to describe small details and visuals that we took for granted. Simple and beautiful aspects of life that they had never seen again. Then it began to dive into personal experiences: “No more films, except rarely, except with a generator drowning out half the dialogue, and only then for the first little while until the fuel for the generators ran out, because automobile gas goes stale after two or three years. Aviation gas lasts longer, but it was difficult to come by.” Whoever ‘narrated’ this chapter experienced it firsthand. It used longer sentences to provide more description like, “a generator drowning out half the dialogue”. It’s not something people would notice unless they’ve been there themselves. It also gave a hint that they had been there for a very long time to know what resources lasted better since they mentioned that “aviation gas [lasted] longer, but it was difficult to come by.”

The next two paragraphs similarly used brief sentences to list the things that were lost and longer sentences to expand on the idea. The first paragraph paid more attention to lights and electricity which was a common symbol throughout the book representing nostalgia and survival. It acted as foreshadowing for the future references to come. The last paragraph provided the increased medical uncertainty. Simple accidents such as cuts could be deadly to life. Showing the bleak chance of survival, in turn, raising the stakes of the story. 

The author used a mix of brief and long sentences to create an engaging list. The word choices were simple and easy to understand so it was universal to all readers. The specific details in longer sentences helped enhance the effects of the aftermath. Most post-apocalyptic stories were often set in a world that was unrecognizable to us. Therefore this chapter bridged the unfamiliar gap and helped readers empathize with the characters more in later chapters. The repetition of “no’s” felt like a constant reminder of the descending madness as the lists went on, creating a depressing mood once we reached the end of the chapter.

[tanadrin]

Dev Patel and the Green Knight

I finally got around to seeing The Green Knight. Overall, I enjoyed it--David Lowery does a good job capturing the essential weirdness of the tale, which is very much about taking a mundane circumstance (a Christmas feast) and suddenly catapulting the reader into a mythic otherworld through the intrusion of the alien and monstrous, and the fantastical costumes, dramatic lighting, and dissonant score all contribute very well to a sense of otherness that permeates the original story.

But I find it interesting--and, I'll admit, a little frustrating--that no modern film adaptation of medieval literature is really capable of taking the story it's adapting on its own merits. This isn't an objection to modifying the source text, or taking it in new, non-literal direction. I can think of plenty of adaptations of work that play with the source material in interesting ways, and are better for it. Even very faithful adaptations like Peter Jackson's Lord of the Rings are inevitably going to alter the source based on the need to adapt it for the screen and the whims of the director. But when it comes to medieval classics, texts like Beowulf or Gawain and the Green Knight are always held at arm's length. An ironic layer is always interpolated into the original story, and even in modified form the story is never allowed to stand on its own.

Contrast, for instance, modern retellings of Arthurian legend; or Wagner's Nibelungenleid; or something like Neil Gaiman's book of Norse mythology. These are all adaptations of much older stories, all medieval; and the authors typically happy to let the stories operate on their own terms. In fact, that is often a selling point: dipping into these tales is a way of sampling an alien culture, one that is remote from us in time rather than space, and part of the sense of heightened drama is the understanding that these stories do not necessarily depict the world in the same way that modern realist prose does. They are fairy-stories, in the Tolkienian sense, and something not quite even like "high fantasy," which, although it is a genre which owes much to the mythic tradition, is usually *told* in the same manner as other realist fiction. And you could take these stories and re-cast them in a realist mold--that's definitely been done with Arthurian legend, either via anachronism or trying to place them in an era-appropriate historical context, and even that yields something quite like the original in tenor, even if the language used to relate the story is often very different.

Watching this movie, I was *strongly* reminded of Robert Zemeckis's Beowulf, in that this did not feel like an attempt to adapt Gawain and the Green Knight for the screen. It felt like an attempt to tell a story *about* Gawain and the Green Knight (the text), a story which does not stand on its own. You don't have to have read the text to understand the movie (although I think some directorial decisions would be a bit mystifying if you hadn't), but the movie definitely situates itself *as a response* to the text. Which is an odd choice! Actually, another good point of comparison is Spike Jonze's Adaptation. It started life as an adaptation of Susan Orlean's The Orchid Thief, but Charlie Kaufman sort of gave up writing that halfway through and wrote a movie about the difficulty he was having writing *that* movie, and the result is something very weird (and very good) that is full of metafictional elements that depend on the existence of this other work, in a way that a straight retelling of The Orchid Thief for the screen obviously would not. And while The Green Knight isn't that extreme, it is definitely playing on the structure of the medieval poem, and replying to it.

The core of the movie (as I understood it) is a tension between young Gawain's aspiration to knightliness, his ambition which is born at least in part from his mother's encouragement, and his own failure to live up to the heroic ideal of greatness. Not chivalric--this is a movie in which the ethos of chivalry makes not even the briefest of appearance, which is weird given that it's nominally an Arthurian romance, and that the chivalric ethos is extremely important to the original text. Instead we have a generic greatness being described, one which is associated with renown, with taking part in mythic events, and with achieving high rank and honor. In the service of seeing her son obtain all this, Gawain's mother seems to cast some kind of spell, whereupon the titular Green Knight appears at Arthur's Christmas-feast; and as in the poem, a game of beheadings is proffered. Gawain accepts the challenge, beheads the knight, and the knight rides away, promising he'll meet Gawain a year and a day hence at the Green Chapel. So far so straightforward. When Gawain sets off a year later to meet the knight, his mother gives him an enchanted belt to keep him safe from harm. Gawain goes on to have a couple of side-of-the-road adventures and mishaps, the kind of thing that's par for the course when you're telling an Arthurian romance, until he arrives at the house of a mysterious benefactor, just about a day away from the Chapel, who grants him hospitality until the day of his challenge.

Now, in the original story, this is where Gawain gets the magic belt, and it's hugely important: Gawain and his host promise to exchange anything they might receive at the end of each day, when the host has been out hunting all day and Gawain has been in the house recuperating from his travels. During this time, the host's wife repeatedly tries to seduce Gawain; and Gawain is trapped between the imperative not to sleep with his host's wife (a major violation of the rules of good chivalric conduct!) and the imperative not to offend the woman (also a violation of those rules). He succeeds, for the most part; he is forced at one point to give his host a kiss at the end of the day, since the wife kissed him; this is shown as him holding nothing back and acting in good faith on the vow he made to his host. When Gawain finally rebuffs the wife for good, she insists that, even if he won't sleep with her, he should at least take a magic belt she has woven that will keep him from harm. He does; but he does *not* give this to his host. When he finally goes to the Green Chapel, the Knight returns the original blow as promised--but only nicks Gawain lightly. He reveals himself to be none other than the host who was sheltering him; the nick was his reprimand for withholding that final gift, but because of his good conduct he is otherwise left unharmed. The whole thing was a test of sorts, one which Gawain passed. Despite flinching at first from the blow, and keeping the belt secret, he shows himself ultimately to be a man of good (albeit not perfect) conduct, and *that* is why he wins honor from the whole affair.

The movie takes this basic narrative and alters it in key places, completely changing the valence of the whole thing. First, Gawain gets the belt at the beginning of his quest, as mentioned; he loses it on the way, but when he reaches the castle, the wife of his host (who succeeds in seducing him with a handjob) presents it to him as if she had woven it herself. He does not actually engage in the game of exchanged with his host, who is *also* not the Green Knight. And we're treated to a monologue about the color green from the wife that feels beat for beat like it's been ripped off from someone's undergraduate essay about Gawain and the Green Knight, which is a little weird even in the context of the rest of the movie. Finally when Gawain reaches the chapel, the knight goes to return the blow--and Gawain completely chickens out and flees. We are then treated to an extended sequence of Gawain returning home; being feted as a hero; earning his knighthood (presumably by lying about what happened); succeeding Arthur as king; him abandoning his low-class beau once she bears him a son, and marrying a princess; going to war; his son dying in a war; and finally, as an old man, being trapped in his throne room as a besieging army breaks its way inside. Just before they do, he removes the magic belt from around his waist, his head fall off, and bam--we're shown this has been an Occurrence At Owl Creek Bridge thing this whole time, and the Green Knight has not yet landed his blow.

Gawain finally takes off the belt, throws it aside, and tells the knight to go ahead--and the knight bends down and congratulates him. In context, the reading seems to be this: the belt is a talisman of Gawain's mother's influence, of external expectations for what kind of man he is. The Knight is Arthur or perhaps an agent of his, and the test in *this* case is whether Gawain can be his own person. All the events leading up to this point are perhaps a part of the original magic Gawain's mother cast, an effort to Lilith Weatherwax her kid to greatness by putting him into an epic story. Implicitly, then, the Gawain and the Green Knight we all know is the false version of the tale, the tale as Gawain's mother would have it told.

This is all very clever. But I'm afraid it's so clever it falls apart in the end. Because the structure of the original story that this depends on is dependent in turn on taking the whole notion of chivalric virtue seriously, which this movie plainly does not. Gawain is shown as irreverent and lustful and a bit of a party animal--lovable and good hearted fundamentally, but definitely not an Arthurian hero. That's fine, but that's a very modern sort of character, one that feels out of place in a movie that is trying very hard also to be tonally unmodern, firmly embedded in a mythic otherwhen of Arthurian legend. Moments of slice-of-life mundaneness, while charming, strain mightily against the epic tone the movie tries to take in other places, and strange events like a ghost seeking her lost head or immense giants striding the landscape. We are jostled: are we in the land of myth? Or are we in historical Britain? We cannot be in both!

And this is a movie that was definitely made by people who had read the original text; not just the original text, but also a great deal of criticism *about* the original text. The movie namechecks the theme of fivefold symmetry that's incredibly important to the structure of the poem; there's the aforementioned undergrad essay about colors about 3/4th of the way through; and there's the fact that the structure of the original plot (down to Morgan LeFay in disguise as an old woman in the host's castle) is present in altered form in every detail. But none of these details add up to much. There's a weird homoerotic kiss with the host that implies that in fact *he* wanted to sleep with Gawain, in addition to his wife; the ghost Gawain encounters early on tells him the Green Knight is in fact someone he knows (and therefore *can't* be the host; I think it's implied to be Arthur, like I said, but this is never quite confirmed), and while all these things *about* the original poem are shown, none of them ever get integrated thematically into the plot.

I think as a result, whatever Lowery was going for, the whole movie kind of falls apart in the end. And that's a pity, because somewhere in there is just a really weird, visually striking, really gripping, embellished-and-polished-for-modern-sensibilities-but-also-thematically-true-to-the-source retelling of Gawain and the Green Knight. And that would have been a much better movie! What are we to make of this, a movie that purports to be telling a story-behind-the-story, but one that leaves no room or context for the original? After all, Gawain in the end does *not* flee, does not return home a coward and a liar; presumably, he earns his honor, and can be honest about what happened. But if he is honest, none of the rest of what we have been shown makes a lick of sense, or has any point.

One feels a bit as if modern directors, when confronted with medieval texts being a bit weird, a bit alien in their worldview, instead of realizing that's actually something people like some of from time to time, feel like they have to construct an artificial bridge between the Middle Ages and the present day. But because it is invariably metafictional and self-referential, as if to say "don't worry, we know nobody REALLY wants to watch a bunch of boring medieval shit played straight," it comes off as cringing and ashamed of its source material. This isn't a plea for historicity! Gawain and the Green Knight is not history. But one does occasionally want to see an adaptation of one's favorite works without directors being ashamed of the text they are adapting! And since most people will not have read the original, I am rather confused about what the director intends for the audience to get out of all these references that are dependent on it, but don't stand on their own merits within the narrative of the movie itself.

The acting was good, the set design and costumes were terrific, I loved the slow and measured pacing and the weird score, and the design of the Knight himself, and the landscapes and almost everything else about the movie. So I don't think it's a waste of time, especially if you have read and enjoyed Gawain and the Green Knight, in the original or in translation. But it's definitely a pity to see a movie that was, well, *almost* great, but ended up merely OK.

[scandalousfemale]

Ch.1 End of the World As We Know It

Chinese!OC x Kelce

This wasn’t supposed to happen. Zombies were meant for apocalyptic movies and TV shows where one could binge watch for a day and return to their mundane life. But something happened, a lab test went wrong and suddenly the outbreak started. This story takes place exactly three weeks after zombies slowly started to take over the planet. 

Series master list

WC: 3,445

Warnings: this is a zombie apocalypse fic, mentions of zombies, mentions of death, slight mention of ripping of flesh but not much, mentions of weapons!!! Knives!, mention of sewing up a wound, someone got sliced with a knife and needs to be sutured, mentions of fear

A/N: To every single person who has shown interest in this, thank you so much. Whether it’s because you were excited for a Kelce fic or you were excited for (finally) an Asian oc/face claim, just know that your support kept me writing this. I loved every second of writing this first chapter, it’s one of the first, in a while, that came really easily to me and I am so in love with the characters already. Again, thank you so much for your support and your feedback. You all keep me going. Now, please, jump into this AU with caution. Some might not make it out.

It is widely believed that right before you die, your life flashes before your eyes. Kaili wondered, sitting in the empty and dark pharmacy by herself, if her cousin was granted that mercy. She can still hear the echoes of Wei’s piercing scream, forever haunted by the thought that maybe she could’ve done something to save her. But she couldn’t have. And there was no way that her death could’ve been peaceful enough to collect a couple of seconds to remind her of a life before this.

Hell, it was hard for Kaili to remember a life before this. The scattered news reports said that this outbreak had started about two or three weeks ago— she’s lost count, that there had been a mistake. The labs were trying to test out a new vaccine, one that could cure people of any potential virus that would have affected the human race and become the next pandemic, but something had gone wrong. Though she didn’t trust the reporters to tell the public much of the truth to begin with, the people have been saying that the virus had begun in New York, where scientists were trying to inject an gene editor into the bloodstream. It was supposed to make the recipient stronger and their immune system more durable for whatever that came their way. In a way, it did. When the first volunteer died, their body carried on living...lunging forward, biting, and passing on the mutant gene to anyone else who had gotten bit. 

That brings us to the problem at hand and why Kaili was trying to silently mourn the loss of her family as her backpack full of first aids and snacks were flushed against the wall behind her. She had seen the news of the outbreak on her campus TV and gotten in the car, headed straight for her family. She was just hoping that they wouldn’t have been freaking out, seeing as it would be easy to panic when all they saw were images of people ripping each other’s face off and they don’t understand the language very well

Kaili is first generation American, stemming from Chinese immigrant parents. They worked so hard to make sure that she never had a want for anything that she truly needed but in doing so, they’ve neglected a lot of their own necessities. When she was smaller, she’d ask them for seconds and they would make sure that she’d be full, even if that meant that she ate their food. Of course, once she caught on, she’d stopped asking, even sometimes putting more on her parents plate than her own. 

The feeling of her heart thumping fast in her chest when she saw her house lingered in her still. The anxiety never really rid itself from her. The images of her parents crouched on the front lawn, devouring her aunt and uncle in law still flashed in her head. She didn’t even have time to cry when her cousin, Wei, jumped into her car and told her that she heard it was safer if they started going down south. As long as they got away from the epicenter that is New York. Both girls didn’t have a chance to grieve their parents until they were out of Maryland and on the way to Florida. 

Of course, they never made it that far. They’d spent a week holed up in an underground parking lot, just processing the information. Looking up the news until their phones ran out of battery. Some days the girls barely spoke to each other, they’d just share a knowing look, a touch that would let the other know that the pain was acknowledged but they wouldn’t speak much of it.

Then, when they started to slowly come out of grief and into self preservation, they started on their trip again. Which wasn’t exactly easy. Of course, cars needed gas and people— the living, needed food and sleep. So, even on their journey, they were forced to stop. Sometimes they’d meet others along the way, especially those who swarmed the grocery stores and took everything that their arms could carry but most times it still felt like a normal day. There were people who believed that it was just an isolated incident in an isolated state.

When they reached South Carolina though, it felt like a ghost town. They’d decided to go to a grocery store and usually they were good at their surroundings but maybe the town just felt too safe. Too...empty. Wei walked in without being careful and the flesh eating monsters heard the bell of the door. They’d swarmed her before she even got the chance to pull out her weapon.

Kaili didn’t like sleeping anymore because of that. She doesn’t even remember screaming at the sight but she must’ve because the attention was suddenly drawn on her. And so she ran to the closest empty shop she could find and she’s been stuck here for the past two days.

She’d cried. A lot. She cried so hard that she became tired but she wouldn’t allow herself to sleep, pulling energy drinks from the fridge from the drug store, not like it helped. It’s funny how trauma has a way of taking care of you against your own wishes. Her body had shut down on her and she fell asleep on her pharmacy’s floor. Even if only for a little bit, she woke up only to sob again, knowing that she wouldn’t exactly get far on her own and even if she did, she wouldn’t really know where she’d end up. 

She had forced herself to stay hydrated and eat, even when she didn’t want to. Even when the look of some consistency of food made her vomit because it reminded her of the flesh that the monsters outside the doors would eat, she knew that she had to keep her energy up for when she was ready to make the move. Needless to say, she was scared. She’d never faced one of these creatures alone before but now, she figured it wouldn’t be as different as when Wei and her used to kill them together. She just doesn’t have anyone watching her back this time.

On the afternoon of the second day in hiding, the sound of glass shattering pulled her out of her self pity and planning. She had quickly crawled and hid behind a medicine cabinet, listening for who’d broken into her sanctuary.

“I’m sorry, I don’t think the entire Charleston has heard you, JJ, can you do that a bit louder?” An annoyed female voice hissed.

Great, Kaili thought to herself, I guess dying by the hands of humans might be better than being ripped to pieces. She’d run into other humans before, some nice and others not but in a deserted town like this where not even one car is in sight, she’d doubt that this group of people were all too friendly. 

“Can you two just shut up and fill the bags?” A gruff male voice spoke before sounds of bottles rattling on top of each other filled the space.

While trying to pay attention to the noise and the people in front of her, she had forgotten to check behind her, used to having Wei be there. A rookie mistake.

“What do we have here?” A blond man spoke from behind her. He couldn’t have been older than nineteen years old, yet his cold eyes told a story only that of someone who’d seen too much can tell. Then again, she supposed they’ve all seen too much at this point.

Before she could even register his words and answer them, she’d pull the knife from the band on her thigh, instinct took over. The boy jolted backwards, knocking over the medicine shelf behind him.

“Whoa, there little lady,” the startled boy shifted his eyes around the room, relaxing when his friends came to stand by him. She was outnumbered and though one to three wasn’t that bad of a fight, she didn’t want to take the risk, especially after seeing the man stood by the blond. He towered all three of them.

“Are you alone?” The female spoke, a softness in her tone that Kaili hasn’t heard since the outbreak had started.

Instinct told her to lie but what was the point? So, she nodded once.

“Do you speak English?” The tall boy asked, which earned him a scowl from Kaili and a scoff from the girl next to him.

“She literally just responded to me when I spoke to her, what kind of a dumb ass question is that, Rafe?”

Okay, so the tall one was called Rafe, that means the blond had to be JJ, Kaili inspected them, eyeing their clothes and their weapons— or lack thereof.

“She’s just staring and I don’t know whether to be turned on or creeped out,” JJ said, caught in the middle of the two glaring at each other. A comedic relief, of course.

“I can speak English,” Kaili said, her voice coming off tense and dry. After all, she hadn’t used it in two days except to sob, and even then, she tried to cry in silence.

“Sorry, we’re so rude,” the female shook her head before she stepped forward as Kaili stepped back, not expecting the sudden movement, but the girl in front of her acted like she didn’t notice. Her smile was warm, her age probably mirroring that of the blond.

“My name’s Kiara,” her hand still outstretched as Kaili switched her blade to her other hand and took it cautiously, “this here is JJ,” she pointed to the blond as he flashed his canine at her in a smile that had a deadly edge to it.

“And that’s Rafe,” she pointed at the tall man who seems to be a little older than the rest of them, maybe a little bit closer to Kaili’s twenty-three. 

“I’m Kaili.”

A beat passed, where no one moved or had said anything and Kaili strapped the blade back to the outside of her thigh, alongside the others.

It was as if the group had seen her for the first time and she wondered what that sight must’ve looked like to them because to her, it would seem like she’s a broken little girl playing dress up. 

“Wait, you know how to fight?” JJ asked, not hiding the shock in his voice had he eyed her weapons. 

“I know how to survive,” she shrugged. She had a small obsession with switchblades when she was younger, that had turned into a throwing knives obsession but when it came to shooting or fist fighting? She was at a loss. 

They eyed her clothes. Black pants with a weapons belt wrapped around her hips and down her thighs. Her black long sleeve shirt was tucked neatly into the waistband. She looked like a mercenary and it was all thanks to Wei. The day of the zombie attack was Wei’s birthday and so she was stuck in her birthday dress for days before the younger girl made it a mission to raid an abandoned store for some new clothes. Something about how it’s not practical fighting in a skirt, no matter what comic book says. She used to laugh at the thought but thinking about it now hurts her. 

“Do you know…” Kiara began to ask before Rafe put his hand on her shoulder and shook his head but she only gave him a desperate glance.

“No,” the boy pulled at her but JJ broke his grasp, standing in between them, as if he was protecting Kiara from a potential threat.

“Do you want him to die?” Kiara grit through her teeth from behind JJ. 

“We don’t know her, do you want to die?” Rafe hissed back. 

“We don’t exactly have a choice.”

And so they continued their whispered argument and Kaili pretended not to hang on to every word, when she'd heard enough, she had responded to the question that hadn’t been asked.

“I know first aid, well, a little more than first aid. My mom is a doctor,” a lump formed in her throat when she realized what she had said, “was a doctor,” she corrected herself.

“Then it’s settled,” Kiara spoke, “we will allow you to join our group if you can help our friend. He’s suffering from a knife wound to his abdomen, it’s deep. He’ll need stitches, maybe. I don’t know. We’ve been using cotton and tape for now but he’s losing blood and color and let's be honest, we don’t know anything about what kind of equipment or medicine we need. So, can you help us?” She said with a desperate tinge in her tone.

Kaili had never been so grateful in her life that she had suffered from wounds before from playing rough until her mother had gotten so upset that she’d learn to dress her own mistakes.

“Depending on how much blood he’s lost and if the wound is infected, I can help,” Kaili responded as she went around the pharmacy, getting everything that she thought she’d needed. After about five minutes, she’d met them at the front of the door with six plastic bags.

“In case someone else gets hurt,” was her explanation for the bags. JJ laughed, muttering something about liking her already as he took some bags off of her hands and they walked out of the shop.

Rafe stalked ahead of them, a gun in his hands, as Kiara fell in line with Kaili.

“Thank you, again for this. I know you don’t know us and you could have said no. So, even if that one,” she nodded at Rafe, “isn’t going to say it, just know that we are grateful.”

“Don’t thank me yet, I don’t even know if I can save your friend,” Kaili’s reply was short but not harsh, as she wasn’t trying to be rude. She just meant to be truthful. 

Rounding the corner, a van came into sight. No scratch that, it can’t even be considered that, it was more like a tour bus.

“Topper and his theatrics,” Kiara explained, as if Kaili would know what a Topper is, when she saw the girl’s eyes widen, “Gretchen Wilson was having a concert when everything had gone down. I guess they all died or something because her bus was left behind, with a full tank of gas and water, I might add.” 

Kaili just nodded, a loss for words as she followed them to the bus and then up the stairs to the inside of this luxury transportation. She couldn’t believe it. She took a quick glance around the space noting the kitchen, beds, tv, and bathroom but the most important thing she noted was that there were more people than the group who came and got her. She expected maybe one extra person, of course, the one who was hurt. Not six more people. Kiara had locked the door behind her and suddenly, Kaili was feeling a little bit less comfortable.

“I thought I told you not to pick up any strays,” a voice called from the driver’s seat. An older looking blond boy with blue eyes had faced her.

“Chill out, Top, she’s here to help,” Kiara defended her as JJ called out from somewhere in the bus, “and she can fight!”

That didn’t stop Topper from eyeing her once more before starting the car up again. Rafe had gone up front to Topper and another male, one who barely gave her a glance.

Finally, a boy appeared from the bathroom, looking disheveled and covered in sweat. Yes, she could see it now. He did lose a bit of blood.

Another boy, she later found out his name was Pope, had laid a towel on the floor for the injured boy, John B, to lay on top of. Introductions were rapid before JJ laid the bags on the floor next to her.

Kaili had put on gloves and when she lifted his shirt, she grimaced at the sight. Someone had decided to wrap duct tape on his wound and she prayed that there was a protective layer between the tape and the injury or else there was a risk that she’d open the wound and start the bleeding all over again if it hadn’t already stopped. Muttering a round of sorry’s she was able to breathe again when she saw that there was, in fact, a cloth in between and that his wound had already begun to clot. 

After advising him to eat some food and take pain relief medicine, she began cleaning out the wound, in which John B had let out a whole plethora of curse words at the girl anyway and even more so when she started suturing the cut. She hadn’t noticed the audience that she had attracted, nor that the bus had stopped again, until she had finally wrapped a flexible gauze around his middle and pulled the gloves from her hand.

Putting all of her used equipment into a plastic cup, she then handed it over to a beaming and smiling Kiara who’d thrown it away for her. Then John B was quickly taken back to the end of the bus, to a bigger bed, by a girl named Sarah who’d thanked her endlessly.

— 

After a nicer round of introductions, except for one, she found out that Rafe was actually related to Sarah and that they both had another sibling in this bus who’s name is Wheezie. She tried not to laugh at that. Sarah was dating John B, who were best friends with JJ, Kiara, and Pope. Pope knew a whole lot about dead bodies and he was always reading up on the news. Then there was Topper, who was the main driver, who was also friends with Rafe and the guy who liked to keep to himself mostly. Though Kiara did mention that the guy, Kelce, isn’t usually like this but that it was hard for him to see siblings who made it out together when he didn’t. Kaili didn’t ask for her to elaborate since it wasn’t Kiara’s pain to share.

She got all of that before they asked her if she wanted to use the shower, which she jumped at the chance to. She couldn’t help but feel a little sad though, that Wei wasn’t here to experience this with her. After a quick wash, rinse, cry, and repeat. She pulled her “I heart North Carolina” over sized T-shirt over the biker shorts she took from a store and willed herself out of the bathroom. Fighting the urge to crawl into her bunk and call it a night when a group of them asked her to join them for a movie night as Kiara fixed up dinner with Topper. 

She looked around this group of people, crammed into a stolen bus and she wondered who they really were, what their story was. They didn’t seem like they’d be friends outside of this situation but honestly she didn’t want to ask and they weren’t very keen in sharing, not that she’d mind because she wasn’t jumping at the chance to talk about her life before this mess either.

“Hey,” the boy who didn’t pay her a single speck of attention all day, sat across the way from her. She’d only nodded to him as a response, unable to turn her gaze back to the DVD now that his was on hers. “I’m Kelce,” he offered his hand to her and unlike earlier, she took it immediately.

“Kaili,” she'd said softly but she was sure he’d already known that, if not for Sarah saying it in between her thank you’s, then because of JJ insisting he was the one who had brought her back for his friend. Speaking of which, JJ had strutted out of the bathroom, shaking his wet hair at both of them, causing them to unlock their hands and gaze from the other. She couldn’t help but laugh at his childish antics. He had dropped to the spot next to her and extended his arm over the edge of the seat behind them as he settled in to watch the movie. Though she tried to get back into the actors on the screen, she couldn’t help but notice that Kelce’s eyes kept coming back to her, like hers did for him. It was as if he wanted to say something to her or maybe he wasn’t comfortable with her intruding into his space.

No, she definitely didn’t know what she was getting into.

tags: @rafecameron​ @millyelliot​ @tomfreakinghollandneedsaoscar​ @sortagaysortahigh​ @stfukie​ @kindahavefeelingskindaheartless​ @outerbankslut​ @thegreatestofheck​ @starlightstarkey​ @stargazingstarkey​ @anxietyandtacos​ @spideymyluv​ @pogue-writings​ @bedazzledbanks​ @pankowrudeth​ @bricksatanakinswindow​

[laufire]

Supernatural s2

I’m halfway through s3 already (technically a rewatch, but there were episodes I didn’t watch the first time around), so this post is a little overdue lol. At this rhythim the posts will overlap. Plus I’m hoping I can finish s4-5 during the holidays to see the ~intended ending~ before I have to slow down on the binge-watch. After that, a season a month sounds achievable AND won’t take longer than 2021 xD

ANYWAY.

-Overall, I’ve enjoyed it more than the first one, but at the same time I’ve found myself missing how... claustrophobic? Insular? Compact? That one was. s2 was about the world opening up just a little bit more, introducing new characters to the brothers’ life, etc. I do love the detail that this is something that can only have, narratively speaking, once John is dead. Again: this show gets abusive families, consciously or not.

-The foreshadowing is beautifully done. 15 seasons make for a lot of unintentional and ironic foreshadowing later on, I’m sure, but the purposeful foreshadowing is superb this season. About the crossroads deals, of course, but especially about John’s last words. I already knew he’d told Dean he might have to kill Sam (father of the year, seriously. Though I side-eye the fandom even more for always having acted as if this is only awful for Dean lol), so I was hyperaware of every single detail. My favourite moment was the absolute horror of hearing Gordon proudly, cheerfully relate how he murdered his sister when she became a vampire (which, btw, as someone that’s still bitter about what went down with the Gunn siblings on Angel, I found it healing to see something like that treated as a horror story).

-Speaking of Gordon: I unashamedly love his character lmfao. Sterling K. Brown is mesmerizing, always. At the same time, I have serious mixed feelings (especially after seeing his arc in full in s3) because man, if it isn’t a racist mess. I’ve mentioned this before, but it’s not exactly revolutionary that the first time we see the story from the monster’s POV (something I want the show to do! Often!), it’s when white monsters are stalked and brutalized by our first black hunter. Especifically a white woman, btw (although I’m happy to see Tara Maclay as a brunette vampire. I didn’t know I needed that in my life, but I did). And you can tell that the show thinks it’s just so SMART and FUNNY to have a ~racist black hunter!! I mean, the comment about how psychic kids would be “betraying their race” if they allied with demons?? FFS.

And ofc there’s the fact that he’s condemned for the exact same type of stuff that makes Dean be hailed as a hero lmfao. Though I won’t like, I love the moment where, faced with the comparison, Dean’s response is “I might be like you, I might not. But you’re the one tied up.” I love those kinds of character moments. As of s2 I officially have a love-hate relationship with Dean Winchester, I hate it here xDD

But still, on his own, Gordon is an amazing character (it’s one of the most frustrating things about the show, the greatness tainted by the bigotry :))). Charismatic, terrifying, and ofc superbly acted. Also, I love that the fact that he praised John (as opposed to every other hunter having a rockier relationship with him) is clearly supposed to be a red flag LMFAO.

-I enjoy how the seasons delves more deeply into Sam’s ~~dark origins, since it was my fave thing about him way back when. I’m already mourning the (as I suspect) lost of his powers, ngl. There’s a little more attention in how he tends to over-identify with supernatural creatures struggling with their ~dark sides too (bitch me too, the fuck xD), which I LOVE to see (among other reasons because at least in that way we get a little of their POV in the forefront lol). One of my favourites in that sense was the episode centered around the ghost-who-didn’t-know-she-was-ghost, played by Tricia Helfer. I clocked early one what was going on, but it was still very enjoyable, especially with Sam’s empathy with her (contrasted by Dean being a total bitch about it, btw. I can’t believe I still see post about how Dean is all heart/kindness/compassion/whatever the fuck. Dean is all about selective empathy and only when it conveniences him, pls).

I was more divided on the episode with Madison the werewolf, tbh. OTOH it put Sam in a better position, for a change xD. As the one willing to make The Hard Choices by fulfilling his promise to kill her because she was dangerous, even when Dean offered to ~take the burden from him. OTOH I hate that kind of thing lol. YOU GUYS KNOW A HUNTER PRO LIKE BOBBY, I BET HE COULD’VE FIGURED OUT SOMETHING TO CONTAIN HER A FEW NIGHTS A MONTH. Also, my immediate reaction was to compare this to when my man Angel had a crush on a werelady and helped her every month lmfao. But then, very few characters can withstand a comparison with Angel, in any sense :P

I also liked Sam’s subplot with his fellow demon-psychic kids, though I wish it’d lasted longer :/ (also: RME at the queer girl dying almost immediately AND her power being killing people, her girlfriend first of all, with her touch. The black guy was the last one to die at least...?). My fave was Ava, by far. I loved her since her reaction to helping Sam stealing a psychiatrist’s records was yelling “I’M AWESOME!!”. It made it easy to buy that someone that appeared so mundane, with her easy life and her fiance and whatnot, would become so power hungry and go off the rails, IMO.

BTW: RME at Dean being all “oh Sam is going too dark/becoming to cold” when Sam kills Jake. Jake ripped off his spine and killed him first!! It both amuses me and infuriates me all the times Dean tries to push Sam to be more like himself and then freaks out whenever Sam is not all sunshine and rainbows (while still remaining, IMO, far less cold than Dean himself. Besides, it’s not easy to be colder than Dean, lol).

Lastly, a little character detail I loved was when Sam was jealous about Dean being in the federal database but not himself lmfao. 

-I loved the new foreshadowing crumb with Sam finding out Mary knew the demon, too (information he’ll withhold from Dean, which I approve of LOL). I mean, I know exactly what’s up, I’ve watched most of s4 xD (also, what is UP with this family and making deals with demons. Everyone but Sam so far!! And then HE gets dragged for ~getting too close to one smh. Maybe lead by example!! Also also: yes, it was meant to be ambiguous, but I can’t help but notice the only kiss-pact -or further, depending to how close YED was to Lilith’s levels, since to make a deal with her you have to fuck xD- we didn’t see was the one that must’ve happened between John and YED. Cowards!! xD). Still. I’m so curious about her. Her resurrection is one of the main reasons I’m determined to make it to the later seasons, ngl.

-Another thing I LOVED about this season is how they used sibling relationships to parallel/foreshadow stuff about the brothers, the way s1 did often with fathers. I’ve already mentioned Gordon and his sister, but the others are not less brutal imo: Andy having to kill his evil twin, who wanted him all for himself (... Dean is that you xD); the little girl’s ghost who wanted her grand-niece to commit suicide to stay with her, and didn’t give in until her old sister agreed to die in her place. It was chilling. Also, at one point the parallel was between the brothers and a married couple (the ghost-who-didn’t-know-she-was-a-ghost) and asñdlfkajsf. I’m guessing they had fun with the shippers lol.

Speaking of the brothers’ relationship, this season also goes a little further in escalating the violence between them, when Dean punches Sam in the face and he refuses to respond (“you can hit me all you want, it won’t change anything”. Fuck), or when Dean again punches Sam after Sam was possessed by Meg ¬¬

-Going back to my love-hate relationship with Dean, lmfao. My biggest beef remains how much validation his POV gets from the narrative, granted or not; he’s one of the most irritating cases of protagonist-centered morality and I know it’s only going to get worse smh. At least this season it feels a little more balanced than in s1, with episodes like the one where the civilian Sam had tried to keep away dies halfway through the ep because Dean allowed him to get involved, for example. Still, it grates on me xD. The continuing prison rape jokes/demonic possession rape jokes (with Meg and Sam), his general grossness with women and his lack of sympathy for non-humans even when they’re not trying to hurt anyone don’t exactly help. Also, I often see him praised for some of his political views, a lot of which I agree with (his mistrust of cops, saying convicts don’t deserve to die no matter what they do), but when contrasted with his general attitude across the show it’s really grating ngl.

But then he has such AMAZING character details thrown in, that make me appreciate him as a POV character nonetheless, as much as I often want to curb stomp the guy xD. I loved his speech about how there’s no such thing as a dignified death. I love how he refused to come near his mother’s grave, both at the beginning and at the end of the episode (this show is like, the cure to DCCW’s shows false fuzzy sentimentality istg). I love his pop-culture references, like when Sam mentions Dean always thought OJ was the murderer or Dean jokes about freeing Katie Holmes from Scientology’s cult xD (sometimes it really hits you how old this show is lol). I enjoyed his Wishverse episode, and his lines after Sam dies/he sells his soul to save him (“I had one job”, “my life can mean something”) hit HARD.

But most of all? I LOVE how and why he starts losing respect for John. It’s so fucking cold and abrupt and makes so much sense!! Like, yes, part of it is John’s message about killing Sam (... again, father of the year!), but most of all it’s about John making a pact with a demon and dying TO SAVE DEAN (and probably, simply that he died at all. That shit de-mystifies anyone). IT’S SO FUCKING GREAT TO WATCH. “He spent his life chasing that demon. He was supposed to die fighting, not making a deal with the damn thing. That was supposed to be his legacy, not this." Damn, Dean xDD. The *contempt* with which he said that killed me.

I also love his inherently atheist vision of the world (even if yes, it’s extremely funny knowing this show has canon God and angels and shit -no Jesus Christ though, which I find endlessly funny-, or that they actually meet the archangel Gabriel in disguise xD. Either way, the episode with the fake angel and its foreshadowing was hilarious), his anti-destiny stance, and that it’s him and not John who gets to kill YED.

-I liked Ellen and Jo. Not LOVED, but I liked them. I keep fearing that secondary (especially female) characters will feel empty/shallow but the show keeps proving me wrong, even with one-episode wonders, and at first I wasn’t sure about them, but I was sold quickly. Partially because of the actresses, they both had this... humanizing, endearing quality? It worked really well.  I also loved the explicit contrast between John and Ellen’s parenting styles, with Ellen wanting Jo to return to school and be safe from the hunt, and Jo wanting something different. Also, I wouldn’t ship it if you paid me, but LOL at anyone who actually buys Dean sees Jo as a ~little sister just because MEG said that rme.

This show is just REALLY good when it comes to giving depth to a character with only a couple of brush strokes, which makes it all the more frustrating when they abruptly die or disappear to never be seen again/only once more (to abruptly die!) :)))

I was less sold on Ash; he was amusing, but having a Genius Hacker TM helping them out seemed like the beginning of increasingly giving the brothers ways of deux ex machina-ing them out of problems, when one of my favourite things about the show is seeing them creatively find ways out themselves. I like when they’re competent! Like with the multitude of codes they have to improvise plans, like in the episode where with two words through a lawyer they implemented a quick scheme so that Sam would escape from a police precinct. I like that stuff.

-I’m still so bitterly jealous about the dead man’s blood hurting vampires detail. SO BITTERLY JEALOUS. I love a lot of what this show does with its lore but that little bit is the worst offender. I want it so bad xD

[popculturebuffet]

The Loud House Reviews: Ghosted!

Halloween Havoc returns! Lori is haunted by a ghost and brings in LIncoln and Clyde ot fix things.. only to find out he’s actually the beloved school mascot and must enlist Lucy and her crew of goths to help her. The bar from the overlook hotel, 1900′s disco, and Boris, the best loud house character i’d never heard of all insue. All hail boris, and prepare for full review with spoilers. under the cut. 

We’re back! I’m sorry this is a week late. This is both due to having a LOT going on.. as well as my own fault for pushign this review back to do a review of the first episode of Starkid’s “Nightmare Time”.. only to have to push BOTH back after I was unable to finish this weeks’ Ducktales on Monday because I ended up having to get off it so my mom, who works from home, can use it, and because AT&T is an utter nightmare we’re thankfully leaving, so if nothing else that will hopefully never be an issue again. 

TLDR: I kept putting this one off, didn’t realize this week’s episode was in fact on this week, and now I have to get 5 reviews done in the span of three days: I have this episode, this week’s loud house, the amphibia halloween special, and reviews of Ducktales “The Duck Knight Returns” and the first darkwing duck episode “Darkly Dawns the Duck”. 

I kid, this blog will end as I too hope to end.. taking rusty and Zach with me. But i got myself into this mess and i’m getting myself out of it. I will get these done even if it kills me.. my ghost can then take care of the two fictional children. ON with the review!

We open at Fairway University. 

I had to. Lori is practicing for the big tournament coming up.. which normally would have me super excited as tournaments are my shit... but we’re not talking two people beating the shit out of each other, wether it be for the sport of it, because their master told them to, because one of htem is a demon who will end the world, or because their loved ones will be murdered if they don’t beat people up as a team for demons, nor people playing card games for their grandpa’s soul, or a grudge caused by an abusive childhood that leads to a battle over gods inside trading cards, or because the school decided why not, or because you need to both keep your godlike dragon that’s also in a card and your friends safe, or.. you get the idea. I love Anime tournaments in what anime I have watched. Me watching or reading of those is like coke to me... a golf tournament however?

Yeah i’m not big into non-wrestling sports in general, let alone one where hte main action is a ball went really far. I mean it IS impressive a golfer can do that and accuratley no less, that’s some Hawkeye level stuff, it’s just not for me. I do HIGHLY enjoy mini golf, and mini golf episodes as both simpsons and gravity falls episodes on that are a good time. I mean any episode that gets flanders to say this is worth at least one watch. 

And thanks to fond memories of my grandpa using them to get around his carnival, yes my grandpa owned a carnival and yes it was great and yes he was a great man and I miss him every day, and carting me around in them. If it were street legal i’d have one. And finally I LOVE happy gilmore. While Adam Sandler took a turn, and hopefully Hubie Halloween is a sign that long national nightmare is over, that film still holds up and is still REALLY damn funny. And by this point your probably wondering what the hell my point is.  Well the hell my point is is that in light of me liking golf related things for weird reason despite praying for death but death won’t come at the thought of watching actual golf, I love fairway university. I love the fact that a golf based college is credible, I love the fact it goes so far in it’s theme that the text books are all golf related, the dorms are all weirdly golf themed, and students apparently can get an arnold palmer at any time of night. I also assume the dorms have on demand streaming for happy gilmore and caddyshack, and a genisis with a copy of lee carvillo’s putting challenge.  Back on the actual episode at long last, Lori is putting in some driving practice and facetiming bobby. The reason the tournament is so important is that she needs to beat the evil elf Malketh at golf or else Suryr will end all life... I may of been reading walt simsons’s thor lately but admit it you would watch that. No it’s more mundane than a fire giant trying to commit universal genocide: Being the only freshman on the team, as in that good, if she dosen’t do well, she might loose her scholarship. Granted I DOUBT they’d take it away after one game, but it’s understandable why she fears loosing it: She can’t afford college any other way. Her parents finances are spread among 11 kids who all live comofrtably and while every loud would gladly give things up so she could go to college still.. Lori wouldn’t accept it. She’d be grateful.. but she wouldn’t have her family be miserable for her sake, even if it’s her dream. This is her one shot for the career she wants and loosing this would destroy her. Even if she’d still have Bobby.  But Bobby is pulled away because his customers are annoyed.. and by customers I mean just Vito.. the rest seem fine despite the line, who complalins his spumoni is melting... because apparently he can’t just have bobby get him a fresh one as Bobby would be happy to do because he’s made of pure joy and it was nice seeing him. Though I do hope to see him in college himself next season. It is WEIRD having the casagrandes season 1 paired with a season of the loud house taking place months later.. and having the halloween episode for season 2 show up months ahead of season 2 itself. 

But soon Lori has bigger problems than Bobby having to go or crushing loss... after consulting the school gopher, because the dean apparently really loves caddyshack as ANY dean of a golfiing school should. I forgot to mention it above but I freaking love that movie too. Good stuff. Back on point, Lori soon gets stalked by a g-g-g-host! And nope this ain’t no party, this ain’t no disco, this ain’t no fooling around.. nor is it a scooby doo esque scheme. This is an actual ghost. Represented by a ball of light but .. yup they went there. And look I get the show breaks from reality a lot: Luann acts like the silver age joker once a year and gets away with it, Lisa gets up to dexter’s lab esque shenanigans on an episodic basis, and Girl Jordan isn’t part of the group despite clearly sharing their intrests and being intrested in both lincoln and stella.  There are stretches in reality.. but mostly for humor or because it’d make a good plot. Most of the plots are grounded in reality: From Luna’s entire romance arc, with her insecurities and her and sam’s worries about each other, to Luaan’s nervousness about her first kiss, to Lincoln and friends having to learn that sometimes a girl dosen’t want to date you just because their nice to you, to Lynn learning not to be a dick and hten forgetting it overnight because this show hates me, the show grounds wacky shenanigans in relatable slice of life stuff. It’s what makes it and it’s sister show work so well. Grounding the exagerated comedy with likeable relatable characters. IT’s what works.  Why I bring this up is this and family bonding show a possible trend of the show getting into more bizzare stuff. A ghost here, a secret agent there.. it means the loud world can get as insane as it wants and the reason I bring it up is simple: Is that a GOOD thing. And my opinon, it CAN be if used right. With Family Bonding the fact there are Secret Agents is just.. casually mentioned. Like yup james bond esque spies exist and have weather dominators and an 11 year old just stopped them. It’s just.. treated like a normal thing when it’s not. Here.. a ghost showing up.. is treated like someone suddenly finding out ghosts are fucking real. Lori slowly comes unraveled a bit as the first few minutes go: She deals with seeing a ghost glow on the range, having the ghost drop books on her in the library, and having it serve her an arnold palmer.. in what genuinely looks like the bar from the overlook hotel from the shining. 

I get it’s a deliberate shout out, especially since it’s bartender is a ghost. But it just raises so many questions: Was it a concidence or did whoever put this bar in really love the shining? Did he want teenagers to murder their wives and children? Did he? Is this building haunted and not just by the genearl ghost that haunts everything? Did they take this from the overlook since it didn’t burn down in the movie? Does this mean shining and loud house are the same universe and by the same token so is community and the casagrandes? WHy is a tea with lemonade called an arnold palmer? But yeah after breaking down in her room Lori can’t take being stalked by a ghost and does what 80% of people in a paranomal activity film take too long to do and calls a ghost hunter. Specifically clyde! And to my shock this is apparently the first time the two have interacted since season 2! And it shows.. their on perfectly fine terms, to the point she has his number and they can talk like humans. I like it.. it’s subtle. Again wouldv’e appricated the episode where he got over here being more finte, but still, this is better than him either passing out in his own master roshi esque blood or trying to get her to leave bobby because bobby is a saint. The worst he’s done is break up with someone because her brother made his sister cry, when none of that makes any sense but he’s dumn and noble enough i’ll allow it, and telling sergio never to come back, which his show framed as a bad thing but really I would two after two minutes with him. 

She called Clyde because he’s the brains behind the outfit... but Clyde has her on speaker. Wah wah wah. Their watching ARRRGH! The ghost adventuers style show that showed up in an episode I never saw but read about. Wah wah wah indeed, but it was apparenlty made up. Why their still into it I dunno, but apparently argh ghost blasters ARE ACTUAL LASER GUNS. This show has gone enitrely off the rails and i’m fine with that. As long as it’s funny. But seriously who gives out actual proton packs I ask you your just asking for some kid to blast himself in the face. But yeah Clincoln McCloud is on the case. And while i’m still annoyed they didn’t bring at least two more friends to play ghostbusters, presumibly stella because she’s the compitent one and Zach because he could NOT belivie in something for a change and tha’td be funny. I know i’m beating a dead horse but it dosen’t HAVE to be all or nothing with their friend groups. You do know that right writers?

I mean I get only using them here as opposed to family bonding, but still, if you can use LIam outside of his episodes you can use the rest of them.. and I don’t even like Zach but he’d be in his element here. It’s not complicated but it is frustrating.  Anyways the boys and Lynn Sr arrive with Lynn Sr making a scene.. which embarasses Lori but i’m on his side here. His oldest went to college. She left the nest. It’s a lot. Plus she apparently hasn’t visted home yet so he misses his baby. Just accept it. She also asked the boys to be subtle about their ghost hunting which does not work at all. Lori you knew who you were asking for this. It’s like asking Sterling Archer NOT to be sarcastic, loud and slightly hammered. It’s part of the process.  Natrually hyjinks insue as our heroes chase the ghost with the most... on this campus.. and end up shaming him into leaving. Yes really. Clyde even says that’s what usually works on him. Oh Clyde.. if that were true you would’ve stopped trying to break up two people clearly in love with each other for your own benift, you twit.  So problem solved right, ghost busted, no more stalking and no lori turning into a monster and ushering in 80 sequels with no real resolution right? 

Yeah I mean this is a half hour special. Everyone at Fairway starts playing off, and it turns out because they realized the ghost was missing. Yes.. everyone knew the ghost was real. Thankfully given this is a halloween episode fairway isn’t some kind of rosemary’s baby, midsommar, herditary, paranomal activity , god a lot of movies use this death cult scenario. That we’re aware of Lori may just not be the target. The team captain takes Lori aside to explain things: They normally don’t tell freshman this until after their first game because the plot says so, but Fairway has a ghost. And again what makes this work is the guy does realize people might not belivie this and while normal for the students of fairway, it’s not normal for everyone and they might not belivie in it.  But no turns out the ghost is beloved 1900′s era Caddy, Shanks Bogey, who in the moment that cemented him as a legend singelhandidly helped Fairway to a big comeback in their first tournament ever, and was given a permanent positoin after graduation. Because they train caddy’s here too which makes sense. And now his ghost lives there too and still helps to this day. OR did anyway. Now why he coudln’t of told her this or why they don’t check to make sure one of the students dosen’t bring ghost hunters around or an exorcist or ash williams?

This episode already runs on nonsense i’m just going with it. Point is LOri’s hair’s falling out, more apparenlty, from the stress as she retreats into her hoodie.. Clyde gave her one to protect her because ARRRRGH! is really freaking shameless apparently. While LIncoln dosen’t know how to put a ghost back luckily Lucy has the mortuariy club over and LIncoln sends them over. Also Lori dosen’t want dad driving them, but Lincoln was on speaker which.. yeah Clyde I might get, the only person he’d probably want privacy with is his girlfriend, he and Lincoln have the exact same running crew but lincoln has 10 other people int he house who may eevesdrop.  But hell yeah, it’s my first Lucy episode on the blog and my first with her club period. For Lucy she IS one of the sisters I like I just haven’t checked out her episodes since season 2,a nd that’s my fault and something I intend to correct. She’s adorably, hilarious in her creepiness, and endearing in how she feels ignored at itmes.. because she is. They also ALL can apparently do her suddenly sneak up on people batman schtick as they all pop up on lincoln when he mentions a ghost. But yeah I love she has her own adams family esque group of goths, and that one of them is a Haiku from an earlier episode. While he and clyde hitting it off went nowhere it IS nice for the show to actually bring back an earlier character they entirely forgot about. It’s very rare for them. 

But yeah I already like these guys, arriving in coffisn and accidently sending my new faviorite borris flying.. a boy who talks like dracula, looks like an orlock and talks in the third person, though he ends up completing a cheer pyramid, because as an intentional joke or not, fairway , a school for a sport built on quite conversation... has a cheers squad. But hey we get boris talking about his hollow bones and cheering out of it so we’re good. 

But now the goth gang can get down to business. They try the obvious first a séance which.. yeah if bill and ted and beetlejuice have taught me anything, Seance’s can only end in friendly ghost murder. Granted unlike Otho I think Lucy knows what she’s doing, I just don’t want Shanks to die. This dosen’t quite work as while there is some bubbles it’s just Froggy 2 who apparently goes here when he’s not with adelaide. Good for him, getting some higher book learning. That’s rare for frogs. Though the faces on the Club are priceless as they are adorable. 

Plan B is to set out Shank’s faviorite food, Ferminted Bean Meal.. which yes is both to set up a fart joke and may or may not exist. He also liked pigs in a blanket, which is a good gag. Lori asks why theyd idn’t go with that I say they simply did because these are professional Goths, and they will always go for the weirdest option possible. It’s who you signed on for lori. You could’ve just called the fentons at the start of this but no, no crossover for us. And yes it’d be butch heartman free but as far as I’m concerned he can go fuck himself for, most among a LARGE pile of him being a jackass, promoting faith healing seminars that among serious illnesses.. include autisim, aka equating what I have to things like alhimers and cancer. No joke there just screw him, don’t screw danny phantom it’s great, moving on.  They intend for shanks to eat it but Lori’s teamates do instead as does the one club member who has weird hair that really unernves me. I get it’s supposed to be spider like but still, the rest of the club is really well designed, including him minus the hair. Why this why. They all get stomach poisoning and blame Lori for it despite, you know, eating strange food left in the middle of campus which is never a good idea, as it’s either someone’s elses or possibly spiked. What did you think was going to happen? Lucy’s last ditch effort is partying like it’s 1900. We do get the club and lori in top hats and canes with presumibly pocket’s full of miracles. So that’s neat. But it fails thanks to the cheerleaders coming in, boris very much included. Lori is desparing,.. until it turns out the disco ball which broke offers a mirror to the other side.. and thus where shanks is.. at the graveyard just off campus. Haiku finds this school creepy and wants to go there. Me too little sister, me too. 

Lori opts to go alone.. while this shit terrifies her, understandably, it was her mess and she needs to clean it up.. even though him not explaning himself to her or anyone else did this I don’t know if he can talk so fair enough. He can however caddy obviously as Lori gives him a heartfelt apology, and then plays a round, with him helping.. though apparently returning her ball also opens a doorway to hell. Go figure. Great gag though especially lori’s casual “that was disturbing”. He dosen’t give a sign he’s coming back though. Then we cut to the game.. with no real sign lori told anyone anything.. was.. was a chunk cut out of this episode or did they just run out of time? I dunno it’s jarring but the game is down to her, and Lori ends up in a sandtrap with the sun in her eyes. But luckily shanks returns! He llfts an umbrella for her. Again I think it’s less that he’s inconsiderate and more that he’s mute.. or maybe he’s just a jackass I dunno. We don’t know enough about him. Point is Lori wins, her scholarship is secure and her family is cheering her on.. well okay her family in terms of lincoln, clyde, because he counts dammit, and her parents the rest of the girls minus lucy are absent because they needed room for her club. Whose in the sun somehow. Lori wins, Boris does an exorcist head spin, and Lucy feels he’s lost to them. I mean.. he has to go home.. unless he dosen’t have one... which is probable. Man now I want a fairway spinoff even more.. I mean just give lori and bobby an off campus place, have leni and her two friends move in, maybe throw in carol and have boris living in a hole in the backyard and we’re good. Please nick, greenlight this. I will write it for you just give me the go ahead. 

Final Thoughts:

This one was okay. As I said the reality breaks are fine if their used for good reaosn, but I felt the episode put Lori though a bit much. She hasn’t been unsympathetic in so long, and she has a genuine heartwrenching reason to want to do well and is terrified of shanks. It’s not her fault no one told her. I mean that should be in the brochure “We have a ghost but he’s a casper ghost and not a gozer ghost so your good”. I mean the fact Jack Fenton HASN’T come blaring down the campus is only because he already did that and is banned from campus. that and he drove through the comisary.. like through both walls. The Fenton Van is thick.  Point is lori goes through a lot of pain and humilation for no reason. It also feels like a two parter put into one half hour: The first half has a problem that’s seemingly solved only to have a cliffhanger with Lucy coming in as the solution. That being said I aboslutely love the mortuariy club. Why they can’t repalce spider head with rocky I don’t know, but otherwise I love em. Especailly boris who i’m fine with him staying at fairway as long as I get that spinoff> The Clyde and LIncoln antics are just “ha ha their mech dosen’t work”.. when they still have rayguns as part of the merch, though I do appricate that them running out of power is set up: Their guns discharge as a running gag so it’s no suprise their out by the time our heroes need them. And Clyde’s line about shame and guilt “Just like me!” was gold. This dosen’t really have the missed opprtunity smell of family bonding or strife of the party, it did fine enough and the scene of lori and shanks playing golf was really sweet.  It really is just okay: Not AMAZING, but not terrible. I’ve seen much worse already this season, but the creative halloweeny premise, fun with the goth gang, and general weirdness of fairway make it a hole in two. Not a slam dunk but still fun. Just because an episode is mostly okay dosen’t make it bad.  If you liked this review follow for more, as I have weekly coverage of ducktales and loud house and ocasionally the casagrandes and later today should have, space and time permitting, reviews of the new loud house, the new amphibia, and later this weekend some darkwing duck. Until then stay safe, stay spooky and happy halloween. Play us out white stripes!

[gretchensinister]

also TDoP Blacksand and whichever of the NDU ships strikes your fancy

For TDoP (that’s The Doors of Perception, for those who don’t know, a long human AU on Ao3—my username there is the same as my url here) I think I will only do a few, since quite a lot of these questions get answered in the fic itself!

5. Who says ‘I love you’ first?

Sandy—so early Kozzy has trouble believing he means it as seriously as he does. Sandy’s parents and all of the Guardians characters living in the house that’s the main setting say I love you far more freely than anyone in Kozzy’s family.

6. Who would they ask if they ever had a threesome?

After a lot of discussion, the answer to this is, in fact, “no one.” The conversation came up during the ‘60s part of the AU, and even though it wouldn’t have been too difficult to arrange, then, they never agreed on any particular person to ask. Later, however, in a purely hypothetical discussion, they did agree on Aragorn.

17. When they find a time machine, where do they go?

The future. The future, always and forever.

26. Why do they need to have a serious chat?

The thorniest part of writing and thinking about this AU is that I’ve tied it so closely to the real world (there are small offshoots that link it to more fantastical worlds, but the main fic is a real world human AU). Sandy and Kozzy are 73/72 this year. They don’t want to do nothing, but they can both get very paranoid about the possibility of losing the other/the other being in danger. So the chat they need to have is how they can help other people without doing things they think are intolerably risky for each other.

 *

For NDU (that’s Nightmare Dork University, for those unfamiliar, a college AU collectively built upon by a number of authors and artists that puts a whole bunch of AU Pitches and one Jack together—more of a mood than a single storyline) I will go with Nightmare Galleon, because I think I’ve really got my own particular variation of the pair now, so why not work through some headcanons?

1. Who makes the first move and how?

Pitchiner makes the first move, very straightforward, he just asks for Pitch’s number. Pitch refuses and immediately retaliates by asking for his. To Pitchiner that’s six of one, half dozen of the other, so he agrees.

2. Who is the most insecure and what makes them feel better?

Pitch is more insecure by far, but it mostly has to do with Piki rather than Pitchiner. What Pitchiner realizes, though, is that Pitch appears to feel much better when he’s doing the things that he’s good at that Piki doesn’t do. These things include costume and set design, costume construction, lighting, sound design…but if Pitch stops to think he sometimes can throw himself into a funk about how none of these aspects are as prestigious/relevant/important as being The Prodigy Playwright like Piki.

3. Who is the most romantic?

Pitchiner, but he’s also not going to be very romantic unless Pitch can stop acting like any romantic gestures he’s given are his due and taking them for granted.

4. Who can’t keep their hands to themselves?

Pitchiner is very grabby, it’s true, and the things he does are more obviously affectionate/sexual, but Pitch is also incredibly physical with Pitchiner, even if it is in a somewhat haphazard/almost violent way. He gets better with time, though the process gets set back every time he visits home, and also once when Pitchiner compared him to a rescue cat.

5. Who says ‘I love you’ first?

Pitchiner does, however it’s not in a really sweet moment, it’s more like a WTF moment, like, I’m still here because I love you? Oh shit that’s true! This strikes Pitch as reckless behavior and he doesn’t say he loves Pitchiner until much later. He’s very lucky that Pitchiner is more perceptive than he gives him credit for and recognizes the signs of Pitch’s growing love.

6. Who would they ask if they ever had a threesome?

NDU doesn’t always have a Sandy, but I don’t think there’s any harm in putting one in one of Pitch’s creative writing classes who embodies “it’s always the quiet ones” and has a wit that runs around Pitch’s in circles. This infuriates Pitch, but in a confused way, as unlike his brother, Sandy is not trying to be a better writer than him, in particular. He just is. That’s how Pitch feels, anyway. He’s not at the point where he can understand that art doesn’t need to be ranked. Anyway so this Sandy decides to respond to antagonism with flirting, and it’s not as though Pitch thinks he doesn’t deserve to be flirted with, he’s got a hot boyfriend after all, and Sandy knows this…Sandy does know this, because he and Pitchiner are both in the honors program. And when Pitchiner meets Pitch after class one day Sandy is perfectly happy to flirt with both of them. The audacity in itself is appealing. So in this scenario it’s less them asking and more someone else asking them.

In another branch of the NDU story cluster I think they would ask Jack Sickle, not particularly to spite Piki even, but because Piki is being weird about sex with Jack and Pitchiner thinks that Jack should have his first experience of gay sex with less baggage attached to it. Pitch is not 100% sure that a threesome involving the twin of the man who’s obsessed with Jack counts as LESS baggage but sometimes in college you make decisions that seem obviously bad for reasons that aren’t really clear.

11. What do they hide from one another?

So, these things are kind of all the starting point state for my NDU boys. They wouldn’t remain static if I actually did write the version of the big long NDU story I have in my head.

On the mundane side, Pitch hides almost everything he can about his childhood with Piki, because while they weren’t perfectly harmonious siblings, they still had a pretty strong bond and their relationship didn’t start to turn sour until about high school. Pitch isn’t sure how to explain how it all happened to himself, much less anyone else, so he does what he can to avoid questions. He also tends to hide his family dynamics from everyone in general, because he’s from a money-poisoned environment and the more people know about him, the more likely someone’s going to say, “you know that was/is fucked up, right?” and he does NOT have time to think about that right now. He also hides the fact that he occasionally has idiopathic seizures, because that would mean he’s weak or something. However this last thing was revealed to Pitchiner very dramatically and resulted in a lot more panic than it needed to, because of the surprise.

Pitchiner, on the other hand, habitually hides any worries and fears he has about anything. He shoves all that down and tries to change all that energy into things that could be possible solutions. Not feeling strong enough? Never tell anyone, just work out more! Worried that you can’t take care of your loved ones? Learn how to cook! Worried that you really are just a meathead and that you’re wasting your scholarship? Study more! But alone! So no one will know! Pitchiner also hides from himself and anybody else the fact that he’s thought about and is aware of the way his size/strength can be intimidating/scary and not just a hunk/himbo trait. He’s deeply worried that he’s an inherently dangerous person, and so he tries to act like he’s just too dumb to have thought about it…but he has, and he’s wondered if this aspect of himself is a tool he can, should, or would use in different aspects of his life.

On the non-mundane side, both Pitch and Pitchiner hide the fact that they’re having weird, possibly supernatural visions/encounters with terrifying entities that they nevertheless seem to have some kind of deep kinship with.

12. What first changes when it starts getting serious?

Pitch falls asleep around Pitchiner. Pitchiner starts paying a lot closer attention to what he can or cannot casually needle Pitch about.

13. When do they realise they should get together?

Well, at first Pitch is like, Pitchiner won’t worry about me, that’s GREAT. And Pitchiner is like, Pitch doesn’t have any expectations of me, that’s GREAT. So they first get together because they think they won’t care about each other…which is incorrect.

14. When one has a cold, what does the other do?

When Pitch has a cold, Pitchiner has got the somewhat homemade chicken soup ready! He’s got the tissues! The immune-system-boosting vitamins (hey, he may be in the honors program but he still can’t perfectly detect bullshit)! He’s got a huge bottle of water with times marked on it for Pitch to drink all of! Which is good, because otherwise Pitch would just wrap himself in a quilt, take swigs of nyquil at random times, and sleep until he either died or felt better. When Pitchiner has a cold, Pitch is the one who reminds him (none too gently, though) to stay in and fully recover. He will also bring canned soup and huge water bottles upon request. Not the vitamins though, they smell weird. He will argue with Pitchiner to take actual cold medicine and usually succeeds.

18. When they fight, how do they make up?

The glib answer to this is sex, and that works for their arguments and spats over minor things, but when a major issue comes up it’s different. They fought over Pitch keeping his seizures a secret, for example, and it seemed like they’d never be able to resolve that, though they both knew they didn’t want to break up. So…they tried to bring in someone neutral as a moderator. Fortunately or unfortunately, the only person who was around was Proto. Who said some insightful things and some bizarre things and soon enough both Pitch and Pitchiner wanted him out of the conversation. And then they were just like, “Are we breaking up? No? All right, let’s try to forget the whole thing.” Actual apologies and vulnerability are a few years away.

21. Where do they get nervous about going with one another?

Pitchiner is nervous about going to see his family with Pitch, because he’s worried that someone’s going to be like, “hey, he’s pretty bad for you, you know that, right?” and he can’t fully explain their connection and he doesn’t want to have to. Pitch is nervous about going to see his family with Pitchiner because he knows they’ll look down on him and won’t believe that Pitch could actually care about him as more than just a body, which will force Pitch to admit to himself how much Pitchiner means to him and it’s a whole mess (for Pitch, mentally).

22. Where does their first kiss happen?

Pitchiner goes for a cheeky, casual kiss after they have lunch together one day in the school’s main dining hall, like it could be a Bugs-Bunnyish joke unless…But then Pitch is like, what? How dare you? And yanks Pitchiner down by his t-shirt for a much deeper kiss that leaves both of them kind of flustered as they have to hurry off to their next classes.

24. Where do they first have sex?

Pitch’s dorm room. He’s got a single, he knows he’s planning to be discreet, and he’s very clear that he’s making a booty call to Pitchiner.

25. Why do they fight?

On a serious level, they fight because they try to keep so much from each other, but their relationship develops enough that they things they try to hide eventually come to light. And then both of them get mad because it’s like “we could have worked this out sooner!” but unfortunately it doesn’t work out that way. They fight because they care about each other but are squirrelly about deserving care/being cared for.

On a less serious level, they squabble because they can. Pitch is zero percent scared of Pitchiner, and Pitchiner doesn’t expect Pitch to be emotionally controlled at all times and he doesn’t compare him to his brother. Having a raised-voices argument about bananas or Stephen King or whatever is freeing.

26. Why do they need to have a serious chat?

Because the evidence that supernatural stuff is real and taking an interest in them and a few other people close to them is accumulating and talking probably won’t solve that but it might help them get through it all alive.

27. Why do their friends get annoyed with them?

Over the top public displays of affection and stupid loud fights about things like bananas or Stephen King

28. Why do they get jealous?

Pitch gets jealous of the way Pitchiner seems so comfortable taking up space. Pitchiner gets jealous of how quick Pitch’s wit can be, especially in arguments.

29. Why do they fall a little bit more in love?

Pitch falls a little bit more in love with Pitchiner for what seem like contradictory reasons. As they’re together in their years of young adulthood, Pitchiner learns the skill of pausing before reacting, how to be more effectively compassionate, etc., and Pitch learns to accept that Pitchiner really does love him for him. But as Pitchiner is getting more mature in this way, he’s also gaining confidence in being implacable/unstoppable when he deems it necessary. Like the fact that Pitchiner is able and willing to intimidate people is maybe a red flag, but it also lights him up like nothing else. Pitchiner falls a little bit more in love with Pitch as Pitch learns to appreciate the things he himself can do, and care less about what Piki says or does. He also falls a little bit more in love with Pitch as he becomes more and more refined and precise in how manipulating or cruel he can be. Again, not good, but sometimes it’s just impressive, you know? But AFTER this point…they both get a chance to see each other respond to being offered power that very very few people are ever offered, and see each other recognize the strings attached, and recognize that they cannot deal with this on their own. And they come out of this without losing themselves, and without becoming truly monstrous, either. And that inspires more love than skillfully being terrible.

30. Why does it work (or not work) between them?

It works out between them partly because of the horrifying supernatural stuff they’ve both experienced. These experiences are something they share with Proto, Piki, and Jack, but as far as they know, no one else. To have a long-term partner that doesn’t have that kind of supernatural heaviness in their past is, at least subconsciously, totally unworkable to both Pitch and Pitchiner.

But it’s not just the supernatural shared experience. They do like each other, they do love each other, and, most importantly, they’ve seen each other grow and change over their years at college. Sometimes it was for the worse! Eventually it was for the better. Now, in the kind of overarching story I would create, at the end of college Pitch and Pitchiner might break up because of the weird events they went through and now feel like those are something they want to be done with and put behind them, plus a worry that being around the others will cause more of it to happen. But they can’t lose contact completely, and let’s say Proto eventually arranges for them to randomly meet again. And basically it’s like—“You loved me when I was terrible. So I know I can be myself around you, and it can be okay even if I fuck up while trying to go through life while being less terrible.”

[jeremys-blogs]

OTGW: What is the Unknown?

Though I've always had a love of the aesthetic of Halloween, the ghosts, the pumpkins and all that stuff, I'll fully admit that I've never really had that many Halloween traditions, at least not to the degree that I would for a time like Christmas. When this spookiest time of year creeps along, it's usually just me watching a few old favourites that seem appropriate for it, like the Halloween Tree or Scooby Doo on Zombie Island. But a few years ago, I stumbled on a little gem on Cartoon Network that has since become an absolute must for the month of October. The 2014 ten-episode miniseries, Over the Garden Wall. This show has rightfully gained a great deal of critical acclaim since it first came out, being regarded as one of the best shows Cartoon Network ever put out, which is saying something. The strange journey of Wirt and his brother Greg through the mysterious world of the Unknown as they attempt to find their way home was creepy and engaging in a way that few kids' shows were, and make no mistake, I loved every single bit of it. But while I could gush about it all day, what I truly wish to discuss about it is the question of its central locale. What, exactly, is the Unknown itself?

You see, from the moment I first watched this show, its main setting has always fascinated me. This bizarre other world where magic and monsters exist, yet contains far too many elements of the ordinary and the mundane to be as fantastic as other fictional worlds I've seen. A place where young girls can be controlled by mystical bells, yet also had old-timey schools run by seemingly-ordinary teachers. It's a weird one to be sure, and a lot of the show's feel can be attributed to the sheer mystery of the Unknown itself. Now, I am by no means the first person to speculate on what this place really is, and indeed you'll find that the show in general has been picked apart by numerous others over the years. So don't be surprised if you see ideas here that have been discussed in greater detail elsewhere. But while I fully acknowledge that the nature of the Unknown isn't really what the show is about, nor does it ever try to give any definitive answers about it, there are at least enough things in the story to give some idea of what we're dealing with, most notably in the big question on whether or not the Unknown is actually a real place, though I'll discuss that later.

Now the first of these ideas is pretty straightforward. The Unknown is simply a magical alternate world that Wirt and Greg somehow managed to transport themselves to after falling into the water. A gateway to another realm, like the wardrobe of Narnia. Admittedly, this isn't a very complicated or revolutionary notion, but the law of Occam's Razor is that the most likely explanation is usually the correct one, and the simple framework of children going to a magical place beyond the normal world is about as basic as you get in these sorts of tales. But simplicity in and of itself is no bad thing, as it provides a good foundation to build great stories on. And that's certainly the case here, as having the Unknown just be some world the brothers could journey to after their traumatic fall is a fine start to give old-school fairy tale and folk story episodes for. It's solid urban fantasy of the unreal hiding just beyond the world of the real, that just so happens to be pierced and entered by these two unwitting boys. It might not be the most imaginative of explanations for what this place is, but I think it was worth getting the easiest explanation out of the way first.

The second major theory on what the Unknown is might be less extraordinary, but it's also an incredibly plausible one, that being that the entire experience is just one big hallucination. That one or both of the brothers, but most likely Wirt, was knocked unconscious by the aforementioned fall into the water and the entire journey was all the creation of his own mind. Now, I realise that the trope of "it was all just a dream all along" isn't exactly a popular one, but let us not forget that plenty of other popular stories have managed to portray it well, like Alice and Wonderland. And to the credit of this show, if that was indeed the angle being worked then it was certainly an interesting way to view it. The biggest hint that this is the case is that much of what we see in the Unknown has to deal with people donning alternate identities to what they truly are, hiding their real selves, which would be an appropriate thing for a boy like Wirt to make up in his head given that he and his brother had just come off from a mass Halloween experience, where costumes and taking on fantasy personas are commonplace. To be sure, there's some ambiguity on whether Greg has the same experience as Wirt if it is indeed a hallucination, but there's no denying that the possibility of it being the work of imagination is there.

The final of the major ideas concerning the Unknown is that it is some sort of afterlife for the two boys. Specifically, that it's a kind of Limbo, between Heaven and Hell, where they must overcome some trial or work through some personal issue before they can move on. To me, this is the theory that seems to hold the most water, as it is only through working past their personal issues, like Wirt learning to be responsible for Greg, that the two manage to get back home. And when you couple that with things like the show's antagonist, the Beast, a clearly demonic-inspired tempter who leads people to their doom, there's definitely some religious undertones here. The fact that the Unknown is a place they only go to after going through an experience that could have killed them certainly adds to this. Consider also that throughout the show we get a gradual transition from an Autumn-like environment to the Winter we see in the final few episodes, a sign of things dying, perhaps to show the boys losing their way and going down the wrong path. Contrast with the likes of the Woodsman, who made a deal with this effective Devil and, as a result, got stuck in a terrible situation for who knows how long, trapped in his own personal Hell.

What gives this particular interpretation a great deal more weight is the inclusion of the show's third major character, the human-turned-bird Beatrice. Now, her being here is very likely to be a reference to the character of the same name from the famed story the Divine Comedy by Dante, better known as Dante's Inferno. Within that tale, Beatrice is the lost love of the book's central protagonist, and acts as a guide to him after he leaves the realm of Limbo and finally makes it into heaven. And since the Beatrice in this story also serves as a guide to those who are no longer within their own world, the connection is pretty easy to make. Granted, there are differences, like how the Unknown is no Heaven and that this particular Beatrice is in no way romantically involved with Wirt, but the general role she plays is far too similar to ignore, and lends massive credence to the theory that the Unknown is indeed a Limbo of some sort. But again, since Wirt is the poetic sort, it could also be that he knew of the literary Beatrice and, if this was the hallucination scenario instead, imagined her along with everything else without even realising he was doing it. Because naturally this sort of thing just couldn't be clear-cut for me.

As you can see from all of this, there's a lot that can be interpreted and theorised about the world of Over the Garden Wall. And really, you could probably take any single episode and create an entire thesis of what all the imagery and characters might mean, it's just that sort of show. As for the central question here of the nature of the Unknown, I don't think it's something we're ever going to get a proper answer to, and anyone watching it will likely have to come up with their own conclusions about it. As for me personally? Well, I've been of one school of thought or another over the last few years since I first watched this underrated gem, but if you were to hold a gun to my head and ask me to pick one and be done with it, I'd likely go for the Limbo theory. Mostly because it seems to strike the perfect balance between being both a fine fantasy idea as well as having just the right level of grimness and macabre for a story like this. After all, for a cartoon that aimed and succeeded to be a Halloween classic, what better scenario to give us that a world found within the place between life and death? 😉

[mcnypieces]

THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE; Mun & Muse - Meme

fill out & repost ♥  This meme definitely favors canons more, but I hope OC’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. Multi-Muses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm.

My muse is: canon / oc / au / canon-divergent / fandomless /

Is your character popular in the fandom? YES / NO / IDK

Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom? YES / NO / IDK ( They’re missing out )

Is your character considered strong in the fandom? YES / NO / IDK ( It’s subjective )

Are they underrated? YES / NO

Were they relevant for the main story? YES / NO

Were they relevant for the main character? YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG.

Are they widely known in their world? YES / NO? ( This is... also subjective. )

How’s their reputation? GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL

How strictly do you follow canon?

     As closely as possible, considering there’s not very much to work with in regards to his canon to begin with. There’s a lot of freedom in picking up any kind of minor canon character. I look mainly to expand on what little is present. I adore fleshing out even the smallest ideas so having something I can comfortably build on is great.

SELL YOUR MUSE! Aka try to list everything, which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutuals.

     Pica is loyal, beyond anything. Strong, well-built, and never wavering. Regardless of the situation, he is always on task, diligent to the last moment and perhaps longer. Devotion and collected functionality make a grand guardian. Always acts as a pillar; a collected foundation of a man centered around dedicated familial values. Being in contact with stone makes him nigh invincible, granting him not only the protective assimilation but the literal stature and appearance of a stone goliath given enough material. Strategic with respectable swordsmanship, constantly protective of what’s important. He’s nice on the eyes, quiet, and a good listener. There’s order and beauty laced within all that cataclysmic chaos just waiting to be found. 

Now the OPPOSITE, list everything why your muse could not be so interesting (even if you may not agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?).

     Distant, stoic, absolutely terrible with expression that isn’t hateful and violent. Pica is very strict, lacking a sense of humor. His voice is extremely disruptive. The smallest remarks set his short fuse alight and it burns on and on until there’s nothing left. That murderous intent settles for very few things, and getting him to open up is a long, grueling process. He’s self-conscious but in an overbearingly cocky way, in that pride often masks everything genuine. He thinks very highly of himself and looks down on other people constantly. He’s uncooperative, constantly wrapped up in solemn business, and heavily against indirect methods. Abrasiveness is a weapon and he uses it without remorse. Stubbornness and general unwillingness to speak with strangers make attempting to converse with him the equivalent of talking to a wall. Pica is impatience, wrath, and apathy tied together with coarse cobblestone.

What inspired you to rp your muse?

     As odd as it sounds, I found certain parts of Pica relatable in very specific, personal ways. People never took me seriously when I was upset because I was so small ( sometimes they still don’t dskdsks- ). For awhile when I was younger my voice was really deep and hoarse due to adenoid issues. Speaking in general was hard, because breathing was hard. It made me sound very masculine, especially over any kind of voice-only system. Normally adenoids aren’t an issue at that point because they’re vestigial and tend to essentially be shrunk down to nothing. But something ( probably fighting off infections and never shrinking/bad allergies, nobody knows ) blew mine up and they were blocking 3/4ths of my airway for ages without anyone having any idea what was going on until it got bad enough to the point it was obvious something was wrong. I couldn’t have any stuffed animals in my room because it was legitimately dangerous and a lot of my non hypoallergenic stuff had plastic covers on it. Made me really sad. Eventually they were surgically removed, and it cleared up my breathing and in time my voice was relatively normal. Before then, nothing felt worse to me then than struggling to breathe trying to defend myself in tandem with all the emotional stress it brought on me. 

     I was always quiet and distant otherwise, and a lot of people thought I was just weird and unapproachable ( unless you wanted a laugh, anyway ). There were days before I made my small group of good friends I’d just spend sitting under the stairwell up against a wall eating lunch by myself. I’m probably one of the few people that listened to Pica talk for the first time and didn’t immediately burst into laughter. I didn’t completely click with him at that point, but watching that one little thing turn into a running gag constantly coming back to undermine everything else that was amazing about him really set my feelings in stone... pun completely intended. I’ve loved him ever since. That inspiration and adoration has only grown with time.

What keeps your inspiration going?

     Quite a few things. Aside from the constant love pouring from my being, I love looking at highly detailed stonework. It’s beautiful. Scrolling through rolling mountain landscapes, listening to certain songs, daydreaming in between sentences. I never really lose inspiration for Pica. Something new hits me every day in the most mundane tasks. A lot of it does go unshared, but some of it is personal and other times I simply don’t have the energy or reason. Very well I could be brimming with inspiration for him all day and have nowhere really to put it without excess. Getting opportunities to do so really makes me smile, though. It’s amazing how much being invested in a character will keep your inspiration at an all time high even when you’re having a rough time. Sometimes all it takes is just an extra comment from someone else or an occurrence or some kind of image to put you right back on track. For me, seeing any kind of lovely stonework or abandoned, run down places really sets my inspiration for him in motion.

Some more personal questions for the mun.

Give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

Do you think you give your character justice? YES / NO ( I would hope so! )

Do you frequently write headcanons? YES / NO ( I’m always thinking of new ones! )

Do you sometimes write drabbles? YES / NO ( It’s been awhile, though... )

Do you think a lot about your muse during the day? YES!! / NO

Are you confident in your portrayal? YES / NO 

Are you confident in your writing? YES / NO ( Generally speaking, I try to be! )

Are you a sensitive person? YES / NO

Do you accept criticism well about your portrayal?

     Actual criticism, yes. I don’t mind it. At the same time, however, I’m really just here to have a good time ─ as is everybody else. Growing and developing my writing is always a bonus when I’ve the experience here in an environment I’m comfortable with, but critique isn’t exactly something I go hunting for. I’m here to write the characters I love and adore and honestly, sometimes, it’s better to have the freedom to do things as you wish without the worry of receiving it, no matter how well-intended it may be. It’s all chill times and good vibes doing what we enjoy most.

Do you like questions, which help you explore your character?

     Absolutely! I love randomly being sent things that keep me thinking with any character. I’m always looking for little intricacies and tidbits to really bring them to life. Sometimes it takes a bit for me to think of something appropriate but I always appreciate the brain candy when it comes to new details! It goes without saying that I’ll happily accept anything that gives reason to my constant, aimless musings related to Pica.

If someone disagrees to a headcanon of yours, do you want to know why?

     Yes and no? I always love hearing other ideas on why someone else’s headcanons differ from my own. For all I know it might be enough to change my mind or, at the very least, give me a different perspective on something I’ve never thought about before. I’m always curious about stuff when it relates to a character I love. As long as they’re not rude about it and we’ve talked to the point it’s not out of the blue, it’s okay. On the other hand, it doesn’t really matter if someone disagrees. We all have our own headcanons and it’s very easy to be respectful about them. Despite what has already been said, there’s a high chance I’m going to keep to my own headcanons as they are regardless, because I put a lot of thought and heart into them. Someone disagreeing with them at face value isn’t going to make me up and throw all that work in the trash just like that.

If someone disagrees with your portrayal, how would you take it?

     That’s okay. There are plenty of different ways to interpret a character. People are allowed to like and dislike whatever portrayal they so choose, so long as they’re not bashing anyone outright. I would much prefer that be something that’s kept to oneself, however. It’s very easy to simply ignore something you don’t agree with, and it’s just as easy to be kind about things when expressing your own thoughts in comparison with theirs. Plus, there’s always making your own blog and writing whoever however you please! Someone out there is bound to enjoy whatever portrayal you prefer. ♥

If someone really hates your character, how do you take it?

     Not personal, certainly, unless it was somehow directed at me personally. It’s very understandable. There’s a lot of potential present for actual progressing development, but on the surface Pica is very dislike-able. It’s very clear his purpose was to act as a stepping stone for another major character’s development and there wasn’t much left beyond that. Of course it’s always a sad thing being hopelessly attached to a character like that but as an avid lover of what are often viewed as very minor, niche characters, it’s something I’m very much used to. Perhaps not intense hate in every case, per se, but underappreciated. It just so happens that Pica is... not exactly a good person, putting it kindly. But that’s just another reason I love him so much as a character.

Are you okay with people pointing out your grammatical errors?

     Sure! Though chances are I’ve probably already noticed at that point and have been embarrassed about it/fixed it. I’ve probably made many over the years and also not realized it. Most of the time it’s something minor anyway, and a lot of people just naturally read it as it’s supposed to be read. So there’s no trouble!

Do you think you are easy going as a mun?

     I’d certainly like to think so! I tend to be very patient and accommodating. I wholeheartedly stand beside the idea that RPing is meant to be fun and enjoyable and not something that causes more stress. People should take their time with things and set their own pace. Being comfortable is part of what makes RP the wonderful hobby that it is. Really that applies to any hobby, but there are many little things that can turn someone away from doing something they love at any given time. There’s nothing that would hurt me more than unintentionally making something someone enjoys a chore for them. I try my best to make sure everyone knows that I’m really just a chill little bun having a good time doting on characters I love. Pica might not be cordial, but I certainly try to be!

That’s about it, congrats for filling out!

     🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

tagged by. @tenyxshx ─ thank you flamingo nerd ♥ ilu

[semper-legens]

53. The City of Ember, by Jeanne DuPrau

Owned?: Yes Page count: 270 My summary: The city of Ember is always in darkness. Hundreds of years ago, the Builders created the city, and filled it with food and lights enough to last its citizens until the end. But over the years, corruption and decay have set in, the Builders’ words have been lost, and the city is doomed to fail. Only the recovery of the instructions can save them - but when young Lina finds them, can she discover what they really mean? My rating: 4/5 My commentary:

I’m back! This one was something of an afterthought for me. I picked it up after vaguely remembering the movie it was adapted into and then seeing it around. I’m pretty sure I got it out of the library after seeing the movie in...2008, wow, I would have been like 12. Anyway, I picked it up as part of my ongoing quest to see how the books I read as a kid measure up when re-read as an adult. So, what does my mature adult brain think of it?

Well, it’s very clear that this is a children’s book, that’s for sure. And, you know, obviously there’s nothing wrong with that! It just meant I, a 24 year old, did not enjoy it as much as I did when I was 12. 

But it’s a pretty good intro to post-apocalyptic fiction for kids! I always like a post-apocalypse that has societies and isn’t just a bunch of lawless assholes shooting at each other. Instead, here we have a functional but crumbling society and the Big Threat is governmental corruption and hoarding of resources rather than a more physical threat. Granted, this is only implicitly an apocalypse situation (I assume what caused the City’s creation is expanded on in later books) but it’s fairly clear early on that’s what’s going on.

Characters! The main character is Lina, a twelve year old girl who’s inherently curious, full of energy, but burdened by responsibility. She and her sister are orphans, living with their grandmother, who has dementia. Lina essentially has to be the caretaker to an elderly lady and a toddler, but she manages with some determination. Still, she’s a realistic kid - she takes some time out from an Important Message to the Mayor to go and dance around on rooftops because she can, and in one heartbreaking sequence deliberates over buying a couple of rare and expensive coloured pencils because it’s too much of a luxury. She’s a delight to read about and honestly makes this book. I can see why young me loved her, she’s cool. The secondary protagonist, Doon, is a bit more generic. He’s the Dystopian Angsty Boy, brooding and serious. It works because Lina needs someone to play off, and because he’s not the focus of the novel. 

I also like how this book treats adults - often, adult characters in teen/kid dystopia novels will be one-dimensionally Useless, but not these! Sure, there’s characters that are corrupt or characters that are wrong, but most of the adults in Lina’s life are just people. It helps that the only people they tell about their discoveries have legitimate reasons to doubt or disbelieve them - we the audience know Lina’s right, but from everyone else’s perspective she’s just some kid running around with a torn scrap of paper acting like it’s important. Still, she’s not patronised or treated like a nuisance, which I enjoyed. Too often kids books have the ‘all adults are shit’ thing, which I don’t think helps kids in the real world distinguish when adults are being horrible to them? Whereas if adults being shit is unusual in their fiction, they’re better equipped to notice it.

The worldbuilding on this was also pretty nice. One running detail I enjoyed was the complete lack of knowledge they have about mundane things - light sources that you can hold are unknown, as is the sky or boats or really anything not suited to their little underground patch. (Uh, spoilers, sorry.) It makes things a lot more tragic from our perspective - we know what they’re missing. Obvious, sure, but this is for kids, I’m not gonna get on its case about that.

All in all, very enjoyable! I wish I could go back in time and read this as a kid again, I’d have gotten a lot more out of it.

[vulpinmusings]

Letters from Buxcord #6: Spiders-man

After two sessions of major character lore, we now present a more... typical(?) Monster of the Week adventure

Samantha,

I’m gaining a solid enough reputation that some of the local authorities have started turning to me for assistance when the mundane everyday of Buxcord gets disrupted by the uncanny.

Before I get to the real story, though, a quick update on my lost memory situation.  I’ve hit a dead-end on fixing it myself, so I paid a visit to Madam Weaver to see if she could offer me any options besides hunting down Nollthep and beating him into reversing what he did to me.  I encountered a minor repelling spell at the edge of the Weaver property, but it wasn’t strong enough to actually keep me from entering.  Madam Weaver explained that it had triggered in response to the contract I made with the Faerie King, and the Madam expressed some pity that I’d gotten wrapped up with him. I did my best to assuage her worries that it would be an inconvenience, and asked her for help with my memory problems.  She offered to contact somebody that she thought might be able to help, but it won’t be a certain thing because we don’t really know what Nollthep actually is.

Still, it’s progress.

Oh, and Madam Weaver also gifted me a pocket-sized book of combat spells. The spells aren’t a great fit with my Weave style, naturally, but they will serve in a pinch until I build my Cards back up.

On to the main event, then.

A bit over two weeks have gone by since Lea settled matters with her Fey roots.  I got a call late one evening from Officer Weaver of the Buxcord Sheriff’s Department, asking for my input on a strange event.  One of the sheriff deputies, Bizier, had not been seen for a few days and Lea had asked the sheriff to go check on the man.  Officer Weaver wouldn’t tell me what they’d found, but she’d determined it was something best left to me.

As I approached the address Officer Weaver had given me, I happened to glance up and saw Lea flying overhead in the same general direction. Apparently the girl has been expanding her range of abilities, which should make her more of an asset in the future.  When I actually got to Bizier’s house, Lea approached from a shadowed alley, trying to look casual, and I gave her some encouraging words.

Then Mr. Penn and his dog showed up, with the dog nearly colliding with the police car parked out front.

Officer Weaver was waiting just outside the house to grant me access, and she didn’t bat an eye when Lea and Penn made to follow me inside.  It was immediately obvious why Weaver had decided to call me in: the sitting room was completely covered in layers of spider webs.  The webs had a faint trace of magic that seemed similar to the energies of the local Fey Way, out of the various “flavors” of magic I’ve encountered so far.  Lea managed to find some footprints in the webs leading to the window, which had been broken before being webbed over.  Heading back outside, we found a trail of blood and broken webs leading into a stand of trees.  After promising Officer Weaver that we’d handle the situation quickly and try to avoid civilian involvement, Lea, Penn and I set off in pursuit.

The trees were thick with spiders spinning webs as we tracked our target down, finally finding it in a small clearing where the spiders were thickest and had woven up a kind of den.  Inside the den, we could see a humanoid figure completely wrapped in webs and with spiders crawling in and out of holes in its body.  Lea somehow determined that the figure was Bizier, and she tried to speak to it.  She got no response until she tried to get closer and stepped on some webbing and set all the spiders on the attack.  The figure turned around, revealing an enormous funnel-web spider clinging to its face.  I cast some fire, which started burning up webs just fine, but I had to struggle to maintain control of the blaze, and it did little to the spiders in any case.  The little spiders started swarming up Lea, and in her panic her fey magic animated a tree which swatted her to the side in an effort to get the arachnids off her. Penn ran to her assistance, but tripped over something and had to fend off a spider swarm as well.  I continued wrangling my own fire spell as Lea tried to climb up into her animated tree, only to collapse from some kind of fast-acting paralytic from a spider bite. Penn got himself clear and pulled out a mace, which he used to knock the big spider off the figure’s face and almost onto my feet.  The big spider tried to flee, but I swept some fire into it path, so it whirled back around and spat acid at me.  I wrapped it in a Tangler, and then realized that Lea was paralyzed and about to be covered in spiders again.  I chose to go help Lea, which gave the thing that used to be Bizier time to grab the big spider and flee, taking its swarm with it.

Somebody must have noticed the fire, because a fire truck arrived shortly, along with Officer Weaver and the sheriff.  I put Lea into the sheriff’s care, mostly so I wouldn’t have have to deal with his skepticism when I summed up the situation for Weaver.  What would have been a quick report before resuming the hunt was delayed when Penn made a quip about getting a flamethrower and Officer Weaver had to determine whether or not he’d been joking.  I’m still not sure.

The tracks were harder to follow, but they seemed to heading south-east, so Penn and I headed that way.  When we reached the nearby park, Lea suddenly flew in, having managed to purge the paralytic from her system shortly after arriving at the hospital.  Lea reported that while she hadn’t managed to spot spider-Bizier on her way back, she had gotten a glimpse of his aura heading southward and focused on locating his girlfriend.  We made a quick sweep of the park before heading south again, ending up in the marshy woods around the bayou.

We wound up lost for a good while, I’m ashamed to admit.  Something in that part of the bayou was just wrong, in a way similar to the necromatic power involved in the pig-mask revenant incident.  The sheer force of the quasi-demonic magic in the area overwhelmed our ability to pick up the spider-thing’s trail again and… Well, curiosity got the better of us I suppose.  Curiosity and the old Pragmagic stubbornness.  We encountered a powerful repelling force, and I simply could not let that stand unopposed, although it hurt me to push through enough to get a glimpse at what was hidden.

There’s an island with a big cottonwood tree that just reeks of Bad News.  A Problem for another day, or maybe somebody else.

I should be careful not to become too attached to this world’s issues.

Anyway, we managed to work our way out of the bad bayou zone, and Lea came up with the brilliant idea to call Officer Weaver and ask if she knew anything about Bizier’s love life – namely where the girlfriend could be found.  Weaver claimed she didn’t know much, but she knew the girl was from out of town and so figured that if she was around then she’d be found at the hotel.

So that’s where we went, and found the lobby full of spiders.  Two members of the staff had been attacked and guests were fleeing.  I decided to give the spellbook Madam Weaver had given me a test run, picking out a wind-blast spell that sounded good for clearing the spiders away from their victims. It proved to be more than effective, as the blast squashed several of the spiders against a far wall.  Penn produced some kind of flash powder that finished off the rest of the swarm.

One of the hotel staff – custodian by the uniform – was paralyzed, but the desk clerk was simply in shock, and she pointed us to the stairs when we asked if if anyone wearing a spiderweb suit had come through.  We found webs on the railing leading up to the third floor, and right by the stairs was an open room with a screaming woman being menaced by spider-Bizier.

Penn whipped out a rope (that trench coat of his is surprisingly well equipped) and lassoed spider-Bizier around the neck, pulling it away from the poor woman. While the monster was off-balance, I swept in and plucked the big spider of its face, getting a face full of acidic spit for my trouble.  I wrapped it in a Tangler again and stuffed it into one of Penn’s pockets for safe keeping while I ran to the bathroom to wash the acid off.  Meanwhile, Lea tried to get Bizier to calm down as Penn tied him to the stair banister outside, but the thing Bizier had become wouldn’t stop struggling until Lea used her compulsion magic.

Lea and Penn got into an argument over what to do about Bizier.  Lea wanted to try and save him, while Penn argued for a mercy kill.  Once I’d finished washing my face off, I got roped in as mediator.  After examining Bizier for a moment, I determined he was long past saving; he was just a walking hive of spontaneously-generating spiders at this point, animated only by the vaguely fey magic of the big one that I’d stuffed into Penn’s coat.  Penn slammed the big spider against the iron stair railing, splitting it in half, and then threw the spider-hive over the railing for good measure.

The woman had fainted at some point during the fight, so we set her on her bed and then headed down to greet emergency services once again.  After the acid damage I’d taken, I was feeling in need of some professional medical attention, I invited myself onto the ambulance that had arrived for the hotel staff.

 The only thing that disappoints me about this little adventure is that I never had the chance to try and find where the spider had originally come from or why it had targeted Bizier.  At this point, though, I don’t think it’s worth the effort.

-Ash

[scientificphilosopher]

Mental Health and General Life Advice Gained Over the Years

Here is a list of some things I’ve learned over the years that have, I think, helped me live a better life

Be flexible in my narrative. When I say things like ‘I’m just an anxious person,’ or ‘I suck at confrontation,’ then I risk fixing onto this narrative rather than managing it in a healthy way. I become unwilling to recognize instances where I’m not anxious. I ignore opportunities for growth. Instead, I find it better to foster a flexible narrative. I know it’s important to acknowledge, normalize, and even embrace my identities, but I don’t want to mistake an aspect of my identity for my identity wholesale. I’m not my anxiety. Rather, I struggle with anxiety. I’m not Depression. Rather, depression has had a formative influence on my sense of self. This, too, goes for my social identities. Identities are real, and they have very real impacts on our world and our experience, but they are not everything. To paraphrase James Baldwin, identities are like garments that ought to be worn loosely so that our nakedness—and ability to change—can still be felt.

Steep in my fallibility. The more I’ve learned about my personal fallibility—which is prodigious—the healthier my relationships and general approach to the world has become. Embracing my tendency to be biased and make mistakes has, I hope, fostered a strong sense of humility. Thank goodness, since this world is messy and complex as shit, and we are often—so very, very often—wrong about things. Or at least overly-simplistic. And because things are so goddamn complicated, it can be hard, even impossible, to see nuance. Our limited and parochial natures can lead us to ignore complexity, especially if that complexity doesn’t cast a favorable light on our beliefs about the world. I’ve developed an almost fetishistic obsession with learning about cognitive biases and the seemingly infinite number of ways my psychology leads me astray (as evidenced by the persistent string of posts I’ve made on it, like here, here, here, here, and here). Paradoxically, fully embracing and seeking out my fallibility has led me to have a much deeper understanding of the world around me. As Simone de Beauvoir says, ‘It is in the knowledge of the genuine conditions of our life that we must draw our strength to live and our reason for acting.’ My genuine condition is that of a mistake-prone, biased, and mercurial ape. (And that’s pretty cool.)

Get in touch with the messiness. Why is it important to have a flexible narrative and to embrace our fallibility? Because shit’s complex! Incredibly, intensely, bone-chillingly, awe-inspiringly complex. Our brains have evolved as taxonomy machines where we carve up the world and separate everything into nice and neat little boxes. If only things could be so simple. As it so happens, though, the world is, as William James wrote, ‘multitudinous beyond imagination, tangled, muddy, painful and perplexed.’ I have found it to be very helpful to reflect on the complexity of everything, even the seemingly simple and straightforward. 

Mindfulness exercises. ‘Mindfulness’ has, like ‘empathy,’ become a pop-psych buzzword over the last several years. This is partly because mindfulness is a very potent tool. It can fundamentally alter our day-to-day existence. There is no shortage of ancient schools of wisdom that have prescribed mindfulness as key to a meaningful existence. I’m partial to David Foster Wallace’s construction of mindfulness when he said that it is the true aim of a good education. With mindfulness we cultivate the power to choose where to focus our mental energies, to choose what has meaning and what does not. With practice, ‘it will actually be within your power to experience a crowded, hot, slow, consumer-hell type situation as not only meaningful, but sacred, on fire with the same force that made the stars: love, fellowship, the mystical oneness of all things deep down.’ In short, continued Wallace, ‘you get to decide what to worship.’

Thinking about thankfulness. Gratitude exercises are a form of mindfulness I’ve found to be especially beneficial. When I have the mental energy to do so, I try to get creative about my gratitude. I try to find gratitude in the mundane, the trivial, the invisible. It’s much too easy to be grateful for grand adventures and emotionally rewarding escapades. It can be much more difficult—but equally meaningful—to find gratitude in the humdrum, or to appreciate the infinite number of shitty things that didn’t happen to me, or to embrace the vast confluence of luck that has led me to this single moment of unadorned contentedness. This is another subject I’ve written about to a near-obnoxious extent (see some here, here, here, here, and here). I sometimes feel reservations recommending gratitude exercises, since, when things are really awful, as they so often are, it can feel patronizing and hurtful to have someone tell you that you should just be grateful. This is not my intention. The world is capricious and fucked up, far more often than it should be. This is why I try to access gratitude in the moments where things are okay. I try to seize moments of grace and calm and squeeze out those drops of thankfulness. This can add water to the reservoir that I will need to pull from when I’m thirsty and in pain. In my better moments, then, I can find gratitude, or some semblance or peace or perspective, even when I’m suffering. I can, as Nietschze wrote, ‘throw roses in to the abyss and say: “Here is my thanks to the monster who didn’t succeed in swallowing me alive.”’ And, ultimately, this has helped me get to a place where I can, more often than not, remain in a ‘contented dazzlement of surprise,’ to use Lewis Thomas’ turn of phrase.

Me and everyone I love will die. You know what else I’m grateful for? This breath. And this one. And this one. It’s pretty wild to be alive, to be a self-aware extension of nature itself. What a stunning convergence of necessary circumstance needed to randomly grant me such a privilege. And, just as it came, so it will go. Randomly and inexorably. Death awaits. There is no stopping it. Dark, suffocating, oblivion. This can be scary, of course. But it’s also motivating and contextualizing. Death is not yet here, after all. And that makes each and every breath, smile, kiss, and laugh a priceless cosmic treasure. Indeed, it is precisely because of our limited time that life is so meaningful. Emily Dickinson, as she was wont to do, summed it up eloquently when she said, ‘That it will never come again is what makes life so sweet.’

I am not free. At the very least, I am not free in the way I’ve long thought. I am a physical being, subject to the laws of nature, of cause and effect. My thoughts are not authored by some mystical volition or unrestrained willpower. I am thoroughly restrained. I am, indeed, destined to write this sentence from the very moment the cosmos silently but extravagantly whispered itself into life. Some people recoil from this idea, thinking that if our thoughts and actions are determined by external factors, then life is meaningless, and change is futile. These conclusions do not follow. Change is occurring constantly. Our actions have consequences. What we do chaotically reverberates into our surroundings. We are determined, but not fated. We have power, even if it is not free. Instead of catastrophizing and fearing the implications of our lack of freedom, I like to reflect on what this means for how I treat myself and others. A lack of freedom motivates in me a deep sense of compassion. It demands forgiveness for both my mistakes and those of others. None of us asked to be here. We are, as Heidegger said, thrown into existence, awoken to a set of determined circumstance. I am the type of person who has been able to receive an education, to have supportive loved ones, to have a functioning moral compass, a disposition for moving and meaningful emotional experiences, and to want to work to make the world a better place. But I didn’t choose to be or have any of this. This is all luck, luck, luck. From my country of birth to my balding head and hairy back to every last neuronal blast fashioning my inner life—not one atom or twist of the genetic braid was chosen exclusively by me. So, if I find myself as the type of person who doesn’t want to harm others, who doesn’t have unmanageable compulsions, who doesn’t suffer from debilitating isolation, who isn’t disproportionately oppressed by the unconscious machinations of social systems, then this, like everything and all of it, is luck, luck, luck.

Interpersonal stuff. I’ve been very lucky to have had resources in my life, including access to healthcare, a support system, and loved ones who happen to be badass psychologists and counselors. I’ve gleaned invaluable life advice from these dear friends of mine. And thank the cosmos, as such advice has proven to profoundly improve my interpersonal relationships. A couple of quick ones: avoid ‘Shoulding’ on people. When I’m upset and in pain, I typically desire a compassionate and patient ear rather than practical advice. When people come at me with ‘Well, you should do this…’ I often just feel misunderstood or further alienated. Even worse is the ‘Nike Advice,’ where someone says ‘Just do such and such…’ This often feels invalidating because if it were a matter of ‘Just’ doing something, I would’ve already done it. Things are rarely so simple. Similarly, I’ve found it helpful to listen rather than problem-solve. I will commiserate and look for solutions if that is what the person asks for, but usually, I will try to be simply present for the other person, to sit with their pain and offer my compassion and understanding. 

Meta-advice. Here’s some advice on my advice: take it with a fat, ballpark-sized soft-pretzel’s worth of salt. I am a philosopher, not a psychologist. I try to be very science- and research-driven, and I’ve been lucky to enough to draw from the hard-earned wisdom of other experts, but, nonetheless, I am not an expert myself. I try to live well. I try to be smart and kind and humble and patient, and I often fail. I am human, all-too-human. This is simply meant to be a sloppily-rendered summary of some helpful pieces of anecdotal advice I’ve gathered on my never-ending journey toward eudaimonia. Nothing more. It is non-exhaustive (this post is, like me after a night at home with a book and a DiGiornio, far too bloated), and I’m sure I’ll regret leaving out many pieces of pivotal information. But the above advice has (so far) been useful in my life. This does not mean it will be helpful for everyone. I hope, at least, that it would not be harmful. Do with it what you will, my friends, and good luck.

[wheremytwinwatches]

[Where My Twin Watches]: Puella Magi Madoka Magica Episode 5

Flowers and a curtain at sunset, I think we’re back at Kamijo’s room. Or rather the hospital in general. Hey, we’re getting a flashback to Sayaka making the contract! I was hoping we’d get to see this, is there some sort of ritual or…? Hmph. Music’s a bit menacing, but this is a big step. I still think that Sayaka’s making the right choice and that it’s better to have the power, but I don’t think you can just change your mind later on. “Don’t worry, your wish is absolutely grantable.” And there we go, she ‘just’ wished for Kamijo to be healed. As you guys have said, we are being a bit unfair on Sayaka for not optimizing the Wish. She’s a middle-school girl, caught up in a life-or-death scenario, and her friend is in a bad way. And now that I think about it, if she had done like I’m saying and worked out a more expansive Wish, then she may not have gotten to Madoka in time. Urgh, just a bad situation all around. Alright, on with the ritual! Which is just Kyubey holding out his ears? Wait, now he’s reaching towards Sayaka and apparently into Sayaka, out comes a blue light and Sayaka falls backwards (understandable, the show mascot’s unlocking your Hidden Potential), the light returns to her and forms into what looks to be a Soul Gem like Mami’s, only matching Sayaka’s hair. And now she’s floating. Magical powers for the win! Once again the intro of lies. Mami… Ooh, I caught a shot of Food Girl Kyoko this time! Are there any other upcoming characters I’ve missed? Ep 5: There’s No Way I’ll Ever Regret It

Hitomi yawning! Rough night, huh? Still polite enough to apologize for the social faux pas, and I am so happy to see the NPC back to normal. Madoka and Sayaka act all innocent, asking about what happened, and Hitomi talks about some sort of mass sleepwalk. Huh, so non-potentials or MGs really don’t see or remember witches, then. The doctors said they all had a mass hallucination, then went right back to trying to figure out Kamijo inexplicable healing. You’ve got to feel sorry for the cops, scientists and doctors in these sort of shows, you know they’re in the background tearing out their hair in frustration over the mysterious cases. Well, Hitomi’s back to being her refined, overachieving self. And Homura’s back to sulking in the corner over her wrecked plans. Good. I want you to redeem yourself, Homura, but I didn’t want Zuko to catch Aang, either. You don’t get the territory and power, deal with it. Madoka looks sad? Later by a wind farm (go renewable energy!), Sayaka’s stretching and making content sounds, showing off the new ring on her finger while she does so. Seems becoming a Magical Girl comes with some nice energy boosts, probably better than coffee or the like. Madoka asks if Sayaka’s scared about making the contract, she brushes it off and points out how she took out the witch last episode. And when the alternative was losing both Hitomi and Madoka… well, she thinks that that’s a lot scarier. *slow clap* Ok, that’s a hero statement if I’ve ever heard one. Granted, I don’t think she knew about the two being in danger before she made the contract, meaning the real reason was still to heal Kamijo, but now that she’s got the power? Shot of Sayaka’s Soul Gem! And yeah, it’s like Mami’s but blue. She’s really getting into it, spouting off the one-liners and declaring that she, Magical Girl Sayaka, will protect Mitakihara City. … I want to believe in this confidence, I really do want to think that things will turn out alright. But we’ve got Homura and this Kyoko chick annoyed at the newcomer, and we’re not even halfway through the series. OH GOD DAMN IT. Sayaka mentions that she has one regret, in that she hesitated for so long, and we got a flash of Mami’s head (I see what you did there, show. *shakes fist*). And the broken teacup. Great, beyond this current bluster she’s clearly feeling guilt about not doing it sooner, since she “ended up doing it anyway.” That’s… argh. I want to completely argue with that, say that they could have died against the Clown Worm as well if they got involved, but seeing Sayaka fight the last witch… Looks like we’ve got a Spiderman situation here. Dude’s a fun character, but you’ve got to remember that his origin as a hero was after he failed to save Uncle Ben, his entire foundation is based on his perceived failure. Not going to get into Peter’s story, but I can draw the parallels to Sayaka here. “If I had become a hero sooner, this death would not have happened.” There’s no way to know that for sure, but conversely there’s no way to not know that for sure. Argh. And now the guilt's getting to Madoka, she’s thinking about the bridge scene (my poor ship…). And then Sayaka pokes her? Oh wow, this is rather understanding of her, Sayaka’s saying “it’s easy for me to say” because she’s gone and done it now. And yeah, given her combative personality I think she’s a good fit to fighting witches as a magical girl. But we’re back into iffy territory regarding her Wish being for something she wouldn’t mind risking her life for. She definitely has feeling for Kamijo, but I don’t know if it’s reciprocated. This could get ugly. Ok, aside from the ticking timebomb of her feelings to Kamijo, which I just know is going to be a plot point later on, she’s doing a good job reassuring Madoka, before heading off. Gee, I wonder where she’s going. Back at Kamijo’s room, he hasn’t been discharged yet because the doctors are busy freaking out over his mutant healing factor. Or rather, he still has to finish his leg… rehabilitation… Argh. Argh. ARGH. I’m sorry, Sayaka, but my optimization side is screaming right now. You’ve got a Wish that we have been shown was strong enough to heal all of Mami’s fatal injuries. But you were so focused on Kamijo’s hand that you apparently just wished for that to be healed? That is… you managed to both underutilize and overspecify a Wish! You could have said “I wish that the doctors would find a way to heal Kamijo’s hand”, or “I wish that Kamijo would be fully healed”. But no, you said “I wish that Kamijo’s hand was healed.” You knew his legs were still messed up, but… argh. Sayaka, I love you and all, but I’m going to hold this against you. Sorry. Ok, back to the hospital room, Kamijo’s being kept to finish up his legs and because they don’t know what fixed the hand. Which means all of the tests! For now, the working answer is “We dunno, it was a miracle.” Aw, Kamijo’s apologizing for his words last episode, Sayaka brushes it off, insists that he should be happy. Huh. I’m using the words “Sayaka brushes it off” a lot, aren’t I? That may not be the best of signs. Suddenly she notices the time and suggests that she and Kyosuke “go out for some air”. What are you planning? And why the roof? Hey, it’s the garden from the episode start! Wait. Wait no. Sayaka, do not do what I think you’re going to do. I know you like this boy, but telling him about Magical Girls? Transforming to prove it? That’s just asking for trouble! Wait, people? People clapping, mostly in medical scrubs? Oh, it’s some sort of “Congrats on mysteriously getting better” party. Then a man comes forward with something Oh! It’s his violin! And that’s his dad? Kamijo’s silhouette is just looking at the instrument now. Well. Ok, I get what the episode is going for, but from the perspective of a trumpet player? If I was laid up in the hospital and went an unspecified time without practicing my instrument, the last thing I would want to is for my first post-hospital notes to be in front of an audience. At least let the boy practice first! But then again, I’m a mediocre player at best, and Kamijo’s supposed to be a skilled player. Violin under chin, bow on strings, and he starts playing. ... I’m not going to sully the music by commenting on it. I’ll just note the title drop and move on. Wait, another building? Oh hey, it’s the Kyoko girl! And… Pffft! Ok, that is hands-down the best use of magic that I’ve seen yet in this show. Why spend money on one of those mundane tower telescope setups when you can just summon your own? Apparently she was spying on the rooftop performance to see the new magical girl. While eating, like last time. Hey, Kyubey’s there! So wait, we just saw him help Sayaka to become a Magical Girl, but before that he apparently summoned an outside girl to take the territory. And then he made the contract, we saw him tell the girl the territory was claimed again, and now he’s… just hanging around? Yeah, he’s hanging around this outsider who’s calmly talking about how Sayaka will be an easy hit (grrr). What’s going on, Kyubey? I thought you liked our characters. Sure, you seemed to walk off when they said they wouldn’t become MGs earlier, but now Sayaka is one. Why are you hanging around someone who want’s to stop that? Kyoko’s all confident about her chances, Kyubey warns her that there is another girl. Wait, what? “I’m not really sure myself.” How can you not know, Kyubey? Kyoko is as confused as I am. So what I’m getting from Kyubey dancing around the issue and calling her an “irregularity” is that he doesn’t know how Homura made a contract. Which raises some very interesting questions. I had assumed that Kyubey was the only contract-granter in the show, that Homura had contracted with him and then tried to kill him before he got any more recruits. If not Kyubey, then who? I remember I speculated about an anti-Kyubey who was making Witches, maybe she contracted with them and promised to take out the Rabbit-Thing. In any case, Kyoko welcomes the challenge. Kyubey doesn’t say anything, but for never stopping that smile of his I can just get a sense of “Oh, this won’t end well.” Back at the dining area of Fancy Mall, Homura is- oh, Madoka is meeting with Homura! Trying to Friendship her into not attacking Sayaka the new Magical Girl? Yup, Madoka stammering through trying to list her good aspects like being brave and helpful… which Homura immediately slams as being fatal flaws in her line of work. Light chanting music comes up again as Homura delves into a gloomy version of the Jedi’s “Fear leads to Anger” speech. “Kindness grows to naivete, and courage leads to being caught off guard. She also argues that being a magical girl is a thankless job. (So you’re basically saying that Madoka would be the shortest-lived magical girl ever, then.) “That is why Mami Tomoe lost her life.” Oh, low blow! I mean, true, but low blow. And off comes the top of her cup when she mentions Mami. I see what you did there, animators. Ooh, Madoka actually has some buttons apparently, she yells at Homura for casually dismissing Mami. But then she calms down and talks about how she’s worried about Sayaka being on her own. She can’t do anything herself, so...she’s asking Homura to become friends with Sayaka. Or at least not fight with her like she did with Mami. Homura’s thoughts: “Damn it, first the girl goes and becomes a MG despite my warnings, and now this civilian is trying to get me to work with the competition? Yeah, I’m not sharing.” Madoka raises a good point about if everyone goes together to fight witches it’ll be safer for everyone. Problem is, that doesn’t jive with Homura’s goals. Unless the girls working together could defeat enough witches to make up for the ‘one Grief Seed per witch’ limitation, then there’s no way she’ll go for it. Yep, dismissive Homura Hair Flip means that argument doesn’t work with her. But at least she’s honest, not making promises she can’t keep. For all my faults with her, I have to admit that Homura has some positive aspects. Unfortunately one of those is not tactfulness. “I’m telling you to give up on Sayaka Miki now.” Aw, look what you did, you made Madoka cry. (Feel bad. Feel bad.) This is an interesting trait of Homura’s. Initially I thought it was just about preventing competition for power, but she really does seem to regret not ‘protecting’ Sayaka from the life of a magical girl. I still firmly believe based on last episode that it’s better to have the defensive capabilities than not, but if Homura’s been doing this Lone Witch Hunter thing for a while then I can understand the bleak outlook. She really doesn’t think of herself as a villian, does she? And I’m not really sure I can call her one. Maybe antagonist, especially when she eventually summons Big Flying Thing. Yeah, she has no hopes for Sayaka to last long. “Just as the dead don’t return to life, consider her fate sealed.” That wait. wait wait wait wait. WAIT. Holy crap, I just figured it out. “Dead don’t return to life.” Normally, yes. But lo and behold, we have a Wish (once our Protagonist finally makes a contract)! It’s bigger than any Wish we’ve seen so far (heal fatal injuries, heal crippled hand), but we are so-far lacking in any rules against it! Calling it now: Come the finale, when the Big Flying Thing is messing stuff up, Madoka will use her Wish to bring Mami back. YES. But… we’re only on episode 5 of twelve? Argh, it’s going to be forever until we get Little Miss Rifle Company back. Ok, back to the episode! Homura continues to harp about how MGs give up everything for a single Wish. Madoka asks if she’s really given up on herself and other girls from all this. Homura just replies “Yes.” She’ll continue the fight (for power). She apologizes for wasting Madoka’s time, and leaves. Sayaka is standing in front of some mirrors, psyching herself up for her first night of Witch Hunting. Leaving the building with Kyubey perched on her shoulder, Madoka is waiting outside the door, Sayaka brags about how she’s going on her first patrol. Ally of Justice, away! Madoka’s worried if she’ll be alright on her own, Sayaka brushes it off (should I start counting all the times she does this?) by saying that Mami went on her own all the time!... maybe not the best example there, Sayaka. Madoka says she can’t really help, but if her tagging along wouldn’t be too much of a bother… Sayaka’s frowning? Then smiling? (The sudden cuts between faces can get a little disorienting at times, show.) She teases Madoka for trying too hard, then thanks her for asking. Oh wow, Sayaka’s doing her “putting up a brave face and suppressing emotions” thing again, isn’t she? She did it when walking to school after Mami’s death, and now she’s been putting up a brave front before embarking on the dangerous task of hunting Witches. Never discount the morale boost of someone supporting you! Have to admit, I wasn’t expecting the show to make the Best Friend the main fighter and the Protagonist the sidekick. Kyubey warns about taking a non-MG on a patrol, but Sayaka counters that if she actually did go off on her own, she’d probably be reckless and get killed. Ah, so Madoka gets to be the common sense of the duo! That works. But Kyubey telepaths to Madoka that she’s thought up her own plan? Oh. OH. Of course, if things get dicey then Madoka’s there to make her contract (and get Mami back)! Right, I keep forgetting that, and given how fast the ritual at the start of this episode went they could probably pull it off fast enough. Sure, Sayaka would probably be against it, and I can guarantee that Homura would not be happy. Ooh, and Kyoko would probably be ticked, too. Kyoko: “Ok, what gives Kyubey? You called me about some prime territory being up for grabs. I arrive, and there are three girls in the area!” But until the time comes that Madoka decides on a Wish (bring Mami back), then he’ll be waiting. Following the glowing Soul Gem, the girls reach a dark alleyway. Which suddenly is filled up with crayon and stars. Kyubey says that this is likely a familiar, not a Witch. At least this should be an easier fight for her first patrol. The familiar appears to be a crayon-drawn girl in a little plane on the wall, Sayaka springs into action and transforms into her MG outfit. Lots of music symbols and bubbles in her sequence, looks very nice. She proceeds to prove that, for magical girls at least, Throwing Your Sword Always Works, and the familiar is running away. Wait, what just blocked her swords? It didn’t look like it was part of the labyrinth. What the heck are you doing, Kyoko? You do realize you just let a familiar get away? Whoa, extendo-spear. Well, yeah, Kyoko. We do realize that was a familiar and it wouldn’t drop a Grief Seed. But if it’s left alone then it Whoa what. WHOA WHAT. “You should wait for it to eat 4 or 5 people and become a real witch.” Did-did you just say to wait for a familiar to kill people, just to be guaranteed a Grief Seed when you kill it? You actually are saying a familiar is a goose before it lays its golden eggs? ...holy crap. Kyoko is Homura without the cares about the innocents. We officially have a character who thinks of all this as a “food chain”. “Witches eat weak humans. And in turn, we eat those witches.” ...well done, show. First you make me hate Homura, then you show me that she has hidden depths and doesn’t want to hurt innocents (although she still wants power and will go to bad lengths to get it), and then you introduce a new character who is Homura without any redeeming aspects. Homura? I apologize, and while I am not quite ready to take you off the List, I will at least give you a chair to sit down in while you wait. Fire Lord Ozai, you can stop standing in the corner and take a seat as well, I think I just found someone to take your spot. Oh crap, she’s been walking towards Sayaka this whole time while I’ve been freaking out, suddenly a red diamond barrier popped up between the two MGs and Madoka. Wow, you are like the complete opposite of Sayaka, utterly dissing the ideas of justice. (Yes, I do realize that Sayaka isn’t completely pure of motive and all, but compared to this new girl she is a shining beacon of Good). Fight! Or just casual block of her sword. Yeah, Sayaka’s leaning into it and pushing with both arms (even her art style is flickering), but Kyoko’s just standing there, eating. Yup, gentle push back and Sayaka goes sprawling. I’m thinking that you might be a little outclassed here, Sayaka. Kyoko attacks (with the shaft of her spear breaking up into segments of chains, that is an awesome weapon), and Sayaka goes flying back and smacks some pipes. Well that was a quick fight, Kyoko’s leaving now. Then acts surprised when Sayaka gets up after a blow that “should’ve put you out of commission for at least 3 months.” Oh, that’s cool! So based on the wish of a contract, the MG gets powers from that? And since Sayaka wished for healing, she heals at an accelerated rate? Kyoko is pissed off, now. REALLY pissed off. Fast-paced Magical Girl Battle, go! But Sayaka is on the defensive, barely hold off Kyoko’s swipes. Aaand she’s in the wall again. “You don’t get it when I try to explain. You don’t get it when I beat it into you. Guess there’s not choice but to kill an idiot like you!” Ooh, Sayaka’s really getting into it now, meeting Kyoko’s spear with her sword and having an energy collision between them. But Kyoko’s picking it up too, smashing up the ground. Madoka’s left behind the barrier asking why they have to fight when they should be allies. Kyubey can’t stop them now. But… if only another magical girl could get between them now… Better make up your mind quick Madoka, Sayaka’s on the ground and Kyoko’s in shadow with a red glare where her eyes should be. “It’s over!” Madoka is going to- “There’s no need for that.” Homura has entered the fray. Hoo boy. Now we- *End episode* Oh come on! End credits, creepy silhouettes… End illustration of Madoka in her outfit, surrounded by chibi-versions of Homura, Sayaka, and Mami. Madoka’s talking about how this girl in red is a MG, like her. So why do they have to fight? Next time: Episode 6: This Just Can’t Be Right ...really, Madoka? You’re asking why she has to fight the MG who wants to wait and let innocents die so she can increase her own power?! No, it’s not right that there is someone with this power who acts such a way. It is right that those who can stop her. Can’t wait to see what happens next. How will Homura deal with a worse version of herself?

[arkus-rhapsode]

Eden’s Zero Chapter 1 Review

Hey guys, now before I dive into this already longer than usual review, I did wanna take this time to mention something. Its been no secret that I turned on Mashima and FT pretty hardly after the end of FT and some of you may be aware that I was moderately active in the fanbase with putting out my reviews and such. That said some may liken that shift in mentality to me not liking how the story went and a common critique of fans is that when what they’re fans of doesn’t gel with what they want they wanna destroy it. As if the fan has ownership of the source of the fanaticism.

I admit there are times that I’ve question decisions on Hiro Mashima’s end and has posted rewrites, but that’s not me doing it out of a sense of ownership. I’m doing it because I have a standard. Being a fan of something and letting your disappointment get to you and fester into salty, bitchy purest is one thing, but being a person who’s judging what a series puts out and actually caring about the quality of what’s in the popular media is important. FT got negative reviews in its latter half because it was that bad. By the end of the series it was legit that bad. Now I don’t say that is someone who was in the fanbase and hated Hiro’s decisions cause they weren’t mine, I hated them because it was bad writing. I’m a reader with standards, as are all of you, and in the digestion of media we make distinctions between good and bad. I make this claim with more concrete surety now that I’ve been around longer and have reviewed more series than just FT, I think it be harder to believe if I made this case when I was just starting and all I was talking about at the time was FT.

Some of you might remember when I first started out on MHA, my second chapter I ever reviewed I had found it boring and mundane and to date its my least popular MHA review and I still stand by that assertion. I hold everything to the same standard, and that includes FT. The reason I write this is that while throughout this review I will mention comparison’s to FT’s first chapter (and yes, even ways Eden’s Zero improved on it), but I will be holding it to the same standard. So this entire review won’t be me holding a grudge against Hiro, but it will be me holding it to the same standard as I do everything I read. That out of the way lets dive in.

We open on a hill side and met our MC named Shiki. Beside him is the mecha demon from the cover page and what they see is a... dragon. Yeah, Hiro I thought you wanted this to be wholely original?

On the hand I actually like this scene in the sense robo demon here is actually encourging actual adventure (something FT lacked) and its kinda amazing listening to this demon looking guy talking about friendship, yet on the other hand, damnit Hiro. Is this the only thing how to write about? Like damn man.

We cut to the future where we see our main female Lucy-I mean Rebecca! Y’know I could make a Rebecca from One Piece joke, but she’s kinda already a bit of a decisivee figure so I’m not gonna bother.

I mean its okay. Its just castle theme park. Also Rebecca we find out is apparently a youtuber. Look if DBS can have GodTube then I can put up with Blue Cate (Aoneko) website. Also yeah Happy here, no sugar coating its just Happy. Also Rebecca here purposely made her skirt short. Just because you point out the sexualization in canon doesn’t make it better, ya still drew it, Hiro.

We see that the theme park is full of robots and each one acts as an assist in sending the guest through some kind of medieval simulator. And if anyone has seen Westworld you know where this is heading. To be fair I love worldbuilding so please, explore!

So we find out Rebecca’s dream is to have one million suscribers and now here’s where I gotta give props to Hiro because he actual made a dream for a character that doesn’t seem like it can be achieved a chapter from now. Granted this seems a bit hard to actually quantify, but this dream could potenially evolve into something of why she wants the suscribers and could be like Nami making the map of the world that getting video of unknown locations may actually be worth something to the general population.

We see that Rebecca chooses to go on a monster hunting quest and they encounter...

...This thing. Also it seems Rebecca’s character quirk is she really likes cats I guess? But this doesn’t last long as someone crashes down on mecha cat.

Okay that was kinda funny. I mean if this was FT would’ve actually gotten the panty shot so maybe Hiro has learned his lesson! Also note that wrench!

Oh god damnit Hiro. So this tarzan guy after acting like an animal is knocked out by Rebecca. Y’know it took about 60 chapters before Natsu got all up in Lucy’s chest, guess we’re cutting straight to the chase here.

Okay is joke with here just going be about here short skirt? Damning it with faint praise here, but at least he still hven’t flashed us them yet. Also Tarzan here is the only human on the island.

We get some scenes of Shiki here wanting to be friends with Rebecca cause she’s a human and Rebecca isn’t interested and she returns to the Granbell town where Shiki is there and the robots know who he is.

Shiki’s expressions and creepy advances really gives off this tinge of sci-fi horror, unfortunate Hiro doesn’t really go that route and we’ll get to it. Also that wizard looking robot from the color page is also here.

They then have a party where the robots all celebrate them having a costumer for the first time in so long they have a party being nice to Rebecca and lavishing her with stuff outside is robot that looks like Robin Hood and he reports to his boss this machine king.

Oh look, Hades if he was a robot.

We see Shiki trying to bond with Rebecca and it leads to him expressing he wants to leave the kingdom and see another country, but we also learn he’s in charge of fixing this and the robots are acting up lately. We find out that the one who was talking to Shiki and is his “Grandfather” was called the Demon King a robot designed for playing that role in the park.

Umm Rebecca... That’s being a dick. So you don’t like it, so you decide to cut it, cause it bothers you. You could’ve framed it like, “If he fixes you up then maybe he needs better vision” or “He’s been so nice to me, let me do something for him.” And what makes this worse s that Shiki is asleep, so she doesn’t even consult his feelings. Like seriously, that’s not being a good friend . But for contrivances sake I’m sure Shiki will wake up and love it, won’t he?

Huh? I was wrong instead we got shitty 80s comedy. I don’t know if that’s better or worse.

Y’know I said I’d give Hiro atleast two free fanservice moments for his first 3 chapters. He’s now used all of them up in a single chapter. Also Rebecca is tied to a stake while robots with torches surround her along with the machine king.

Shiki is also there and here’s something that did remind me of rave, the tightness of the first chapter. Everything seems to flow like one continuous story and doesn’t seem to do some dumb interlude like FTs first chapter did with that awkward moment where Lucy leaves Natsu and she’s just randomly in the park reading.

The King wants to use her ship to leave this world and we get som kind of motivation out of him.

Oh wow, for a first chapter villain that’s actually a really deep thing to unload. That as amusment park hosts they must’ve just been seen as pleasure tools and with no one around these robots who seem to be senstinent must’ve felt betrayed and...

Oooooor you cut out all moral ambiguity by just saying they have a virus. Sure. Trust me, this is where it gets stupid really stupid. And that’s the inconsistency.

So these robots I guess are like the ones from the Animatrix where they just kinda develop sentience out of nowhere. But unlike Animatrix it doesn’t seem to imply when they developed this sentience and that they began to think they were being abused.

Tired of Friendship already, it ain’t leaving.

So why do you hate humans? They abandoned you I guess, but there’s not other robot saying “hey our times were fun together” no everyone is like they left us to rot  so we hate them. Not like Humans did anything legitimate bad. We actually see that at the end of the chapter that there is some sort of central battery on the park that all robots are hooked up to. You could make their reason for hating humans that. That even though they left these sentiment robots still had a little kingdom to themselves, but realized that its all just going to end one day and humans didn’t even bother to unplug them. They’re existence is literally knowing when they’ll die, imagine that as why they harbor negative emotions and maybe Shiki actually fixing things might’ve actually been prolonging their lives so maybe that be why they kept him around. This whole sentience things just feels like Hiro wanted to do a trope of crazy robots and ended using multiple to fit the whatever story purpose at the moment.

You do run the planet, dumbasses. This entire plane, apparently for hundreds of years, has been solely controlled by you. Maye this should be rephrased as, going to the place that built you to get revenge or as I spoiled with the battery we’ll take the ship to get more power for our kingdom?

Shiki doesn’t do anything and kinda lets the robots just wail on him as he found out all things in his life were a lie. Then Rebecca gives a friendship speech. A stupid stupid friendship speech.

You’re right, Rebecca! Too bad we didn’t see that. I’m serious we barely see memories of Shiki with any robot outside of the demon king and Michael so there’s no weight to this conflict. We only get the vague sense they raised hm, but there’s no moments of Shiki really laughingg and enjoying their company outside of the party with Rebecca which rather is made more for getting Shiki to like Rebecca for this moment.

Shiki remembers what his Grandpa the Demon King said and just blows them all away.

We see Shiki’s hand and apparently he has these marks indicating he has Ether gear. The power system of this series.

You’re sentiment! You have out grown your programming! You can choose to have a concept of friendship.

So they fight with shitty action scenes (If I can give Horikoshi a hard time for how he draws his fight choreography, then I sure as hell will give Hiro the once over.) Happy manages to save Rebecca and like Happy from early FT, he basically spots off exposition on powers.

So is it like a literal gear? Because Happy afterward destincties as the Gear of Gravity, so is it like a devil fruit? Is ether in all humans, but this specific gear brings it out in a certain way? If its internal then I guess its like the magic circuits from Fate? And then every of has their own unique variation like Nen? Like cause Happy gives it the distinction of Gravity it doesn’t seem like Shiki gives a reason why he has this power. I’m hoping \its like devil fruits, literal gears you implant and then it brings out your ether in a certain way.

Shiki punches out the machine king and cause a massive collapse.

Credit where credit is due, Hiro actually did build up the reveal of this power throughout the chapter and its actually really well done. Kinda reminds of something Oda would do with subtly building up a devil fruit power without revealing it. Like Crocodile drying out a flower but it isn’t stated his power is specifically sand.

They then flee when the other robots rally and Shiki takes Rebecca back to her ship.

This scene would actually be really nice if we actually saw more young shiki actually having fun with the machines and not a being a creeper with them.

Shiki and Rebecca take off and we see the universe.

Not gonna lie, that’s a really pretty shot. Like damn, I could get behind this.

It seems like worlds in this universe are basically like kingdom hearts worlds. They’re not real “worlds” so much as they are islands in space.

Sure, keep the mystery alive why don’t you, no that be too much.

Well great place to end the chapter. Little dry of a first story, but I definetly see that has room for improvment and there is something-Wait this isn’t the last page? But what else is there to talk about. There’s nothing left-

Oh for fuck sake. That’s right they were trying to send SHiki away. Because apparently these robots thought there was no way to restore battery life even if stayed.

Here’s a tip, ifyou really care, and had such a close bond, maybe tell him to leave? Tell SHiki the truth that you guys are tied to a battery and instead of Shiki vowing to leave for the stars so he can make 100 friends (I’m not kiding that’s his actual goal here). Then this would be an interesting goal.

But no, you have to act like human hating jackasses and shatter the boy’s entire reality, just so you he would go out and “change the universe”

This would be a really nice scene with a very nice amount of character development starting point, if we actually saw their past. All we know is they raised Shiki, but its never really seemed like they’re loving or caring or Shiki openly gets upset if one of them had a problem. Again the biggest flaw with this chapter is that it sacrifices seeing one potentially interesting relationship (Shiki and the robots) for another one (Rebecca).

So we end on this page which reveals that Shiki’s goal is to have a hundred friends. Not going to say something snarky I just realized this is the same motivation as Yuki from future diary. Like before the crazy yandere shit.

Post Chapter follow up:

Lets be positive and look at the good stuff in this chapter. The first thing great about this chapter is it improved upon two of the biggest failings in the first chapter FT. Goals established and world building. Not only does this set up force Hiro Mashima to actually world build (literally) but each person in the first chapter has a goal that doesn’t seem like it can be accomplished quickly. It means we can have investment in the story.

Another thing I’ll give is Shiki is an okay MC. He has more personality than Natsu, but not as much as Haru and this first chapter is about him. Its easy to understand that Lucy is often considered the MC of FT because it literally focuses on her for the story than Natsu. But this chapter had a healthy balance.

Also the power system at least seems to have some definition. Unlike how anyone could have magic yet normal people just don’t choose to use it like in FT. Ether Gear seems to be a powersource that only a select few can use. Now we need to see first if there are ways of combating it like technology or such so a non ether gear person can still fight.

It also has its own unique aesthetic. Ft is a pretty generic fantasy world. It doesn’t have the bleakness of bereserk or the Japanese aesthetic of naruto. You could say Black CLover, Fairy Tail, and Seven Deadly sins all had their first chapter happen in the same world and I’d have trouble arguing it.

Now on to the crappy stuff. This series suffers from the usual Mashima foibles such as the sexual harassment, the stupidly way it tries to justify and give all conflict happy ending, not actually bothering to have a situation drawn out ad built up too, etc. I mean for the first conflict of the chapter its a heavy one, these guys raised SHiki yet their own mentality is against humans so Shiki has to choose, but instead of actually answering that question, it turns out there was no real conflict and the machines were just faking.

As for my like for Shiki, I flat hate Rebecca. She is so pointless and useless. Look I will defend Lucy and she actually can d things. First chapter she saved Natsu by using aquarius. But Rebecca? She’s just all of the bad traits of post timeskip Lucy. She is used for pointless fanservice, does nothing contribute, and becomes a mouth piece for friendship.

Speaking of friendship as a concept and goal here, Hiro just rewrite what you mean. Have deeper meaning than friends for once. There is ways you could take the motivation “I want to make 100 friends” in a compelling way. Prehaps Shiki is going out to make his own world where he can make a happy place for people where they can laugh and cry in harmony. Like story telling wise its pretty weak.

Like me personally, I would’ve taken the first chapter like this, the robots are sentinet and they are nice to Shiki and Rebecca and they have genuine fun together. They gradually reveal that they are shutting down maybe one starts acting wonky and tries to hide it and maybe the machine king is the real bad guy. He has sentinece and hates humans and he wants to eliminate SHiki and Rebecca and that’s because they’re shutting down. The other robots say they don’t care they were abandoned, they were mad at first but Shiki showed them that why they loved catering to humans. King and Shiki fight and they all reveal they’re shutting down and Shiki cries he doesn’t want them to go. The robots say its inevitable and they don’t hpw to recharge the battery and Shiki vows to leave the planet and search for a power source to bring them all back. Then that’s shiki’s goal and it even can cause questions like “Is it worth all this for machines?” or “who designed them maybe we can figure out the right substance to power them up?”

or if Hiro wanted to go a more darker route. Have the machines have no sentience and literally be dolls for the King who turns out to be a human who stayed here on Granbell and made his own little kingdom. Make it a bit meta on how Shiki’s only friends were just hollow imitations of people who were only friends because that’s what their programming dictated and they can all be switched off. It be meta as critiquing Ft and how all the guild characters basically had no conflicts, all got along, and were just friends with no depth or reason.

This all highlights the issue with Hiro Mashima and that’s he is not a good a writer. Hiro is an incredibly talented person and can come up with incredibly unique ideas and looks, which is why his cover pages are the best things he puts out because its him free forming. But writing. He has a limited scope on that and stuff like sci-fi and fantasy can be very morally grey things. But Hiro doesn’t seem to understand tragedy in the sense that its tragic because a person fails or dies unsatisfied. But he only seems to know how to write painfully obvious concepts like “save the world” or “friendship” instead doing a concept like “what it is to be a hero” like MHA does which can have a variety of answers to it.

So what’s the final verdict? Well I actually am going to do something different than usual. I’m going to say what I though the quality was compared to FT and then to what I’d consider this work compared to anything else.

In comparison to FT, Eden’s Zero gets a Final verdict of 8/10

Improves on a lot of FT’s first chapter flaws

Created a more unique environment for a story

And actually has a lot tighter narrative

But in comparison to everything else...

Final Verdict: 5/10

Even if it wasn’t Hiro, its a pretty generic start (some names aren’t even all that inspired like Machine King, Demon King)

Potential to grow into something better is there

Nothing is outright offensive

Cool concept

[islam-for-girls]

Dealing with Toxic People, Islamically ♥

We all have intentions, emotions and sentiments. Mostly we think our intentions are good and right, so we act upon them. Why is it sometimes then, that things go so astray?

Why do we get into fights with people we didn’t mean to offend, sometimes us simply appearing in a room sets someone’s emotions alight, and no matter how hard we try, Grandma will just never stop being grumpy around us? These things are among many other examples (some extremely underrated) which can be seriously hurtful... They can cause us to feel rejected and irrelevant, and when we feel this way much of our energy is spent in self-condolement where we become motionless in trying to fix ourselves.

Although self-care is necessary to pick ourselves up again, depending on our environment, we could be staying in that state for much more time than needed! This is honestly draining, and when it comes down to praising Allah, we end up too tired to do it. This horrible cycle of emotions can render any human frozen and could lead to depression. 

Can we break the cycle? Let’s try!

Here are some psychology, rules and ideas that may apply to you and generally how to fix them. When reading these, be honest with yourself, and select the ones which apply to you in a complimenting or constructive way. It’s ok to be wrong sometimes, especially when we learn from it and improve! When we improve we become better people than before ♥

It’s not you, it’s them.

This isn’t a statement meant to remove responsibility from you, rather it adds a harder and more selfless task, and that is empathy and sympathy.When you know you did not do anything wrong, but someone is rude, aggressive or dismissive towards you, what does that mean? Well, for one it means it is not your fault and cleary this person either has something bothering them that they can’t deal with properly, or has a personality problem. What has that got to do with you though? Nothing, other than that you are in the same environment with them, and it is affecting you.

What does the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) say about this?

On the authority of Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) who said: The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said: "Part of the perfection of one's Islam is his leaving that which does not concern him." (Tirmidhi)

Anas reported Allah's Apostle (ﷺ) as saying: “Nurse no grudge, nurse no aversion and do not sever ties of kinship and live like fellow-brothers as servants of Allah.” This hadith has been narrated on the authority of Shu'ba with the same chain of transmitters but with this addition:" As Allah has commanded you." (Sahih Muslim)

What does Allah SWT say about this in the Quran?

"The good deed and the evil deed cannot be equal. Repel (the evil) with one which is better, then verily! He between whom and you there was enmity, (will become) as though he was a close friend." Quran (41:34)

When someone is being abrupt, abusive or uncouth, move on and do not dwell on it. What is the psychology behind that? Let’s look at the great behavioral psychologist Skinner and his theory of Operant Conditioning.

According to Skinner people can either aggravate or diminish behavior depending on whether they are rewarded for it or not. Here is the funny part though, rewards are different to everyone. If someone wants to see you upset, they will behave in a way to upset you and if you BECOME upset that means they have achieved their goals! They are rewarded by you becoming upset! People love rewards, it makes them feel better about themselves. When someone likes the feeling of something, chances are they are going to keep attempting at it to achieve the same feeling; ie: they will continue to try and upset you! This behavior is seen in bullying.

So now that you understand the theory behind it, what do you do? EASY! Don’t give them what they are looking for and don’t show them that they are making you upset or sad. They will realise what they are doing is wrong (if they are good enough to see their faults), realise you are a strong person and stop, in shaa Allah ♥

But what if they don’t change and are truly horrible to you regardless of your pure intent and behaviours?

A man came to the Prophet (pbuh) and said: "O Messenger of Allah, I have relatives with whom I try to keep in touch, but they cut me off; I treat them well, but they treat me badly; I try to be kind to them, but they are cruel to me." He said: "If you are as you say, it is as if you are putting hot ashes in their mouths. You will continue to have support from Allah against them so long as you continue doing that." (Muslim)

Self-Care

Taking care of yourself is more than just isolating yourself and dwelling on your hurts and pains, it has to do with actively doing the things which make you happy and feel better about yourself.

What are your favorite things to do, or what have you been putting off which you want to succeed in? When you do things which you wanted to and succeed, you raise dopamine and serotonin levels in your body, causing you to feel happier. If you leave doing thing which make you happy or forsake your goals, your serotonin and dopamine levels drop. If these endorphin levels drop below the ‘safe-zone’,it can cause depression. Depression is very hard to come out and may need medication which has side-effects on your body and emotions.

What does the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) say about this?

Ibn Abbas reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said: “Take advantage of five before five: your youth before your old age, your health before your illness, your riches before your poverty, your free time before your work, and your life before your death.” (Sahih Al-Albani)

The Prophet (pbuh) used to say: "O Allah! I seek refuge with You from worry and grief, from incapacity and laziness, from cowardice and miserliness, from being heavily in debt and from being overpowered by (other) men." (Sahih al-Bukhari)

It’s difficult and it takes alot of strength, but to be better you just have to be better. That means picking yourself up and doing what you want and need to do. The beginning will be hard, but the end will be so rewarding, in shaa Allah ♥

Introspection

This means to think about your own thinking, rather than the thinking of others. It means to look at your objectively, critically and really suss out what your flaws are and if you are the one causing the dismay of people around you.

Is your mom being dismissive of you because you can’t do the small requests she has been asking of you? Do you ignore her when she is doing painstaking work in the house and /or other times and not offer your help? Do you take her for granted?

Think about the times one of your friends or someone you really cared about ignored you, did not offer you their help, did not take a hint or took you for granted? That didn’t feel so great. Think about if you are causing these emotions to other people because of your own issues, rather than theirs.

Perhaps you think doing the dishes is not important at a certain time, or doing some other mundane activity which you think could wait. That is your perception, but maybe not that of your moms (for example), and she will feel as though you don’t care for her (which is another way of saying ‘respect her’), making her want to show you her displeasure hoping you will improve.

It may not be your mom, it might be your friend, husband, siblings, cousins or anyone that is emotionally dependant on you in some way. They are also human at the end of the day.

Introspection (being aware of oneself) is critical to being a good Muslim. We are aware when we are going to do something wrong, or have done something wrong and can adapt ourselves. Adapting and changing ourselves for the better in Islam is called ‘tawba’ or ‘asking forgiveness of Allah’.

What does Allah SWT say about this in the Quran?

“When any evil suggestion from Satan touches those who fear God, they are instantly alerted and become watchful.” Quran (7: 201)

What does the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) say about this in the Hadith?

The Prophet (pbuh) said; “All of the children of Adam make mistakes, and the best of those who make mistakes are the ones who repent.” (Tirmidhi)

How will we know if we made a mistake if we do not reflect and introspect?

♥♥♥

This is Part One of this write-up on some Islamic Manners ♥ I hope it was useful to you, in shaa Allah ♥

[kemeticcalloutsfromthepublic]

To Light A Magic Fart

We have been made aware that our latest commentary has elicited a rant.

https://web.archive.org/save/https://smarmykemeticpagan.wordpress.com/2019/02/12/liminality-divine-intervention-and-other-heresies/

We would like begin by saying the first half of this rant is not only a misdirect but a lot of personal stuff that is outside our targeted topics of commentary so we shall be skipping that.

“As I type all this, I feel a strange sense of bewilderment. I’ve read very little on liminal spaces, magical theory, mythic time, or Dionysus; and yet I’m sitting here, trying to tell my own story and no one else’s, and finding myself describing something that I somehow, recognize as being intimately connected to all of these things at once. “

We must inform you this is very doubtful.  As someone who has crusaded against actual knowledge and those who teach it, study it, and understand it, you suddenly valuing any knowledge you are adamant against giving any sense of importance, this is a contradiction.  We would like to remind you, you have spent years demonizing those who are academically minded, who would possess the best supply of these topics of information.  We need to remind you, you have chased, and guided newcomers away from these very informed and academic individuals with a very glib and dismissive expressions that they are somehow morally and emotionally defective.

We need to remind you, you have spent more posts declaring how unimportant and meaningless academic resources, information, and knowledgeable people who covet such information, that it boggles the mind how you can sit here now and suddenly have an appreciation for information and knowledge.  We must say that is highly convenient, almost like you are a bag of contradictions and hyperbole.

“ I don’t know. Maybe I can’t know. Maybe knowing how and why this is happening isn’t the point. “

We would like to mention that in every occurrence that knowledge is passed on from a deity it is made obvious that it is given by them.  We would like to remind you, this would be conferred as a minor miracle and the god that granted it would not do so with a cloak and dagger delivery.

“Maybe no matter how strange and fantastic my real life is...“

We can not believe you, as you complain constantly about how you are incredibly oppressed and put-upon by the evil capitalist misogynistic patriarchy, holding you in a death grip of poverty...strange and fantastic is not the picture you spent years painting.  If you’d like to recant those lies and give a more accurate depiction of your life, feel free, no need to keep up the pretense.

“... there will always be some way that I and everyone else can convince ourselves that there must be a perfectly mundane, scientific explanation for everything, that nothing truly magical could ever possibly happen in our actual, physical lives. “

We would like to say this is a gross generalization that disturbs us greatly.  We would like to mention that, something can be scientific and still be magical.  Magical events do not have to be beyond scientific involvement or divorced from the world in a separate sphere.  They are part of the same world, they occupy the same space.  Magic is everywhere, and science just helps us understand how that natural magic works.  We understand the gist of what you are attempting to say but it’s so mushmouth muddled with it loses cohesion.  We would like to simplify, you’re wrong.  --Memphis

Not familiar with the idea that magic is only science we don’t understand yet, are you?  The world is as magical as you make it. --Cairo

“In fact, if I had done what nigh on every single Hellenic polytheist told me, 3 years ago, that I absolutely must do before I was allowed to even talk to any of the Theoi; i.e., devote far more time, money, and energy than I even had... “

You’d have a functional well structured and meaningful religious practice that you can easily make a habit to exercise, in order to have an actual religious practice and not just invent it on a whim while screeching “muh poverty lack of resources”, in a religious practice that has its ancient methodologies of worship and practice well outlined with a knowledgeable community that could inform you of them and help you?  We can see how dreadful that would have been!  Better you avoided any of that ACTUAL respecting the gods with their own religious practices which are time tested and just dump a can of wine on the ground, belch and in tone “amen, bro”.--Memphis

If every single practitioner of a religion is telling you that you do something, perhaps that’s how the religion is actually practiced?  Just saying.--Cairo

”I would still be refusing to accept the very possibility that the Theoi are real, and trying to communicate with me, and weren’t just trying to kick the shit out of me because I ‘m not “humble” enough to be allowed to even casually worship them, or even think about wanting to worship them. That is the extent to which I have been gaslighted by an ableist, sexist, queerphobic world...”

We must inform you this is not gaslighting, and none of this is true.  You’re so buried helplessly in the twisted murky interior of your own ideology that you have bought into all the lies and fables it has generated.  Snap out of it!

“It’s because polytheists are, for the most part, every bit as closed-minded and self-righteous as the Southern Baptists who told me I was an abomination and a Devil worshipper and a degenerate for being a queer witch who talked back to pastors and smoked weed.“

We must inform you, you are confused.  These are your actions which you committed upon every community you attempted to infect like herpes.  Anyone who didn’t bow down to every word of your vapid ideology was to be summarily purged.  You created an entire callout blog (which we parody), to bully, harrass and purge people you deem morally corrupt and a heretic to your divinely sanctioned and holy edicts of social justice that must be obeyed to the letter.  You terrorized this community for years with it, dividing it, polarizing it and demonizing our gods, twisting them into these token puppets you can make spit out any words you want to give yourself the squishy feels. 

The only ones who act like southern Baptists or medieval catholic inquisitors, are you and your friends.  Don’t try to backpedal that YOU are the victim here, you are the bully, the aggressor, the one causing harm. 

Some sects of polytheism have actual ancient records detailing proper practices to how their religion is followed.  While following them in personal practice is largely voluntary, they are the methods espoused to have been prescribed by the gods of their own religion.  It’s just respectful to those gods to follow such practices.

”Because of all this, polytheists are perfectly willing to bully, threaten, gaslight, and otherwise abuse young, vulnerable people in their midst who even for one minute threaten their perceived “respectability” in the eyes of the mainstream and of their favorite Big Name Pagans. They are perfectly willing to ignore the real problems in our community -bullying, toxic groupthink, overwhelming authoritarianism, rape culture and misogyny, TERFS and other assorted trans/homophobes, bigots of every kind, ableism to the point that the first thing anyone says to discredit me is that I’m “obviously hallucinating” when I talk about astral stuff or magic (that’s not how hallucinations fucking work you fucking morons! Read a book every now and then, for chrissake), and goddamn actual Nazis- in favor of whining about how Pop Culture Pagans or “fluffy” people or “loudmouthed brats” are OMG THE REASON NO ONE TAKES US SERIOUSLY!1!!11!!! They do all of these things, and simultaneously fancy themselves particularly enlightened, superior to followers of “”Abrahamic religions””, by virtue of simply “following the old gods” and “being connected to nature”, or whatever.”

We are touched, this is clear vagueblogging about us.  What was it you said...

Seriously though, you left this on our post as if you don’t care, and then wrote this thesis of how much it bothers you and you do care.  You’re pathetic.

“Because of this shallow, petty, and toxic paradigm that permeates basically every single official pagan and polytheist space, it is almost impossible for most of us to really, meaningfully connect and communicate with our gods. “

We must inform you, this is fundamentally untrue.  You’re reaching again.--Memphis

Citation needed.  This mod has actually heard more complaints that name you, Devo, and your friends specifically as making it difficult to practice, than heard such complaints about other online spaces.--Cairo

“Because of this shallow, petty, and toxic paradigm that permeates basically every single official pagan and polytheist space, it is almost impossible for most of us to really, meaningfully connect and communicate with our gods. Human beings are intimately social creatures; we are constantly, consciously and subconsciously, affected by the social environment that we are in, whether we like it or not and whether we know it or not. It’s basically impossible not to be drawn in by the assumptions everyone around you makes and operates on, even if we’re ignoring thoughtforms and energies and other woo stuff. Polytheists have convinced ourselves that anything we experience that’s in any way out of the ordinary; in any way not exactly what the historical record we currently have portrays…in other words, anything that might realistically be a part of interacting with actual deities and doing actual magic, absolutely will be called a delusion, an attention-seeking stunt, an idiotic act of hubris, an attempt to “start a cult” or gain coercive power over others, an evil and sacrilegious act, or all of the above, by anyone and everyone in our community who wants to discredit whatever it is we’re saying. No wonder even people who have fantastic experiences doubt themselves, or refuse to go public with it; I’m not a particularly sensitive person by a long shot, and I often have to steel myself to be honest online because of the (attempted) bullying and public shaming that I know for a fact will result from it.“

More about us.  You must love us dearly.  We must inform you, again you are entirely wrong.  You literally told Set in that interview post, you would start a cult.  You adhere to a collectivist ideology that operates on the concept of original sin and so everyone of that group must atone for the sins of the group for every instance in history.  You follow an ideology that abhors individual worth and thought over the group opinion and the group’s collective thought, in which any dissent and the individual will be sacrificed to ensure purity of the group.  You operate like a wanna-be cult leader who wants a cult.

You have done alot of evil in this community and you called it righteous because your ideology decrees it must be.  Your every action is dictated by it, your every thought is shaped by it to the point you declared that a god who historically always supported a theocratic monarchy...suddenly fell in love with socialism/communism...an inherently destructive and genocidal form of government and philosophy.  One that has claimed over 100 million lives, and more?!  That is alot ot buy, smarmy, a LOT to buy.  We didn’t even mention how he just outright confirms all your political points, thoughts, beliefs, and heralds them as divinely sanctioned?!  We don’t have to know how the stove top makes the coil red hot to understand touching it will burn.--Memphis  

Others have said it, and this mod will say it again:  It is not that you are sharing your personal experiences that is the problem; it is that you are stating them as being as factually true as peer reviewed historical sources.  You can believe what you want, but it is absolutely dishonest and disgusting to expect and insist that the rest of the community treat it as fucking holy scripture.--Cairo 

“I’m not a particularly sensitive person by a long shot...”

We would like to say, considering you felt the need to write this dissertation of drivel, you most certainly are sensitive.

“If you say you worship Set, but then spit in the face of his ideals in almost every mundane action you take -from the way you treat people traditionally associated with him to the way you think and talk about mundane, real-world chaos, riots, criminals, and political violence- are you actually worshipping Set, or are you just worshipping your own assumptions about Set?“

We are amazed at how unironic you write this and yet, it’s like you wrote this looking in a mirror.

“And if the very fact that someone online who you don’t like has posted UPG about Set condemning your actions and behavior…causes you to post frantic, histrionic paragraphs about how the person in question is an evil, power-hungry, lunatic aspiring cult leader who is “evidently” crazy and lying and trying to manipulate the entire kemetic community and also is in league with the Sn/ake that wants to destroy existence itself, are you really prioritizing your devotion to Set? Or are you prioritizing your own ego, because you refuse to even entertain the possibility that you could be wrong and ought to change your behavior in some way in order to better honor him? “

Wow again, you gazed in the mirror.  None of our commentaries, nor those of any of your critics, are frantic, nor histrionic, but it is apparent that you are and you do.  They are not the ones fueled by such deep seething hatred and rage for anything outside your own myopic and narrow minded views.  They aren’t the ones demanding slavish devotion to an ideology that history has proven is murderous and dangerous.  They aren’t the ones who profess to be ‘on the side of the angels’ and in the same breath long for violent rebellious war to shred the country and slaughter millions.  You are a hateful person devoid of compassion and an enemy of anything resembling freedom. 

We see you have again mistaken UPG for something provable.  If you had written that interview and stated that you wrote Set’s dialogue intuitively, or you interpreted them, rather then composed the transcript verbatim...we’d have been more lenient with our criticisms.  We point out, every word of his dialogue was verbatim your own, that you have ranted about for the years.  Every bit, from his diction, to his syntax, from tone to word choices was entirely from your own and not from an external source.  The fact it entirely vindicates every word of your political tripe, your beliefs and ideology, to the decimal place, is evidence that it’s not from any external source, or external spiritual entity but from you.  This was a complete fiction.

To state that “anyone who disagrees with smarmy, Set and his people gunna git’ya”, is such a colossal over reach that it strains believably.  We are certain that any god who loves their devotee would say they will defend them against attack, but this.  We must inform you this is something else entirely.

We are quite certain we don’t need to change our behavior to profess your ideals as our own and bow down to accept communism and socialism or even anarchism as the true path forwards.  We don’t need to throw away any sense of actual morality to support systems that have led to more destruction and death then any others in history and recorded memory. 

We are also not above admitting if we are wrong, but when it comes to you and how you abuse the name of the gods for your own twisted ends, we aren’t.

We are however, certain you are.  You are so in love with your own ideological puppetry that you not only profess that a god has endorsed you 100%, promised to smite all who oppose you, promise you power and prestige as his precious prophet of his ideals (which you forced into him).  So deeply entrenched in this ideology and stances of no matter what the cost, no matter how ridiculous, you can never admit to being wrong when facing any dissenting voices or else it instantly negates all of your teachings, beliefs, and words (which it only does because you made them so absolute), that you cannot admit you are wrong and can only dig deeper down this endless trench of foolishness and madness. 

We have no doubts the S/na/ke influences you, it praises you, it agrees with you, it gives you whatever you want, the sense of righteousness that you’re never wrong and always on the side of purity, everyone else is evil, everyone else is impure, everyone else is wrong, everyone else is at fault...That is the danger of isfet and the parasitic spirits that serve it, and you let them in.

“ I believe that gods are huge, ancient, and multi-faceted, so sure, it’s possible that there’s a version of Set out there that likes racist bootlickers and encourages them to follow the law no matter the human cost“

This is among the most offensive things you’ve ever said.  Historical record cannot be dismissed and hand-waved away of how these gods have acted in the past and expect they did a full 180.  We would like to mention, that once again, like any good cult leader, you degrade anyone who dissents.  We would like to state you are completely off the mark, you have no understanding of this god if you honestly think he loves communism and loves nazism and loves racism because ‘there MUST be an aspect of him that likes it’.  We need to remind you, that would make him evil.  This is a complete insult to a god you claim to love and worship.  This is a damning and horrible thing to say about a god you claim to respect.  This shows us you have nothing but sheer contempt for the gods, so you invent a twisted and corrupted idea of them.  We need to remind you, it’s bullshit like this that makes us say your a delusional child aspiring cult leader who is aligned with the sn/a/ke, if you honestly think this about Set.  We are disgusted, you do this noble god, so much dishonor.  --Memphis

How dare you.  How dare you insult a god you claim to be even an outlaw priest of with such a foul misunderstanding of his character?!  Even for hyperbolic rhetoric?!  Can you not have even the barest smidgen of respect for the god you claim to serve or worship?  Or are the words that describe the most basic relationship of priesthood too uncomfortable for you?--Cairo

“ ... to “keep it real” by regurgitating tired and ignorant bigoted stereotypes and acting as though the fact the stereotype exists at all is somehow evidence that you’re right to be a bigot; and believe that “illegals” seeking asylum so that they and their families won’t fucking die are inherently dangerous enough to justify putting them in motherfucking concentration camps. But just because it’s possible doesn’t necessarily mean it’s very likely, now does it? “

We would ask if you ever get tired of making sweeping incorrect generalizations that make you look stupid but we already know the answer.  If you’d like to discuss what we believe regarding various political situations, we at KCFTP would be happy to chat, but do stop shoving words and beliefs into our and everyone mouths that do not apply.--Memphis

Who the fuck is Smarmy even talking about here?--Cairo

“No wonder people react to anyone showing historically common, textbook behaviors of a person being called to spirit work or reacting to being in a liminal space or state of mind, with derision and scorn and bullying. Genuine liminality, one of the main historical requirements for communicating with gods or using magic, is almost universally despised and cursed by modern-day polytheists as heresy.“

We would like to say this literally never happens.  This is a bold faced lie.  We knew you could not help it!--Memphis

That is really fucking weird, every discussion I’ve had with other polytheists and pagans has touched on how to communicate with gods, spirits, and other entities, magic, or other things that require having a foot in multiple worlds.  Everyone usually seems pretty eager to talk about such things.  Unusual for something “universally despised and cursed.”--Cairo  

“LGBT+ people are stereotyped as “special snowflakes” and yelled at about “assigning modern labels to gods” when we say that deities who canonically act as multiple genders or sleep with same-gendered-beings, are queer like us. “

We would like to clarify, no smarmy, that’s just you and your ilk...and it’s by other LBGT+ people...Stop trying to be some martyr, you aren’t.  Go outside, get off the internet.

“ Young people are bullied and publicly shamed on a regular basis if they run afoul of the wrong “Big Name Pagan”, and people smugly tell themselves and each other that it is, somehow, for the kid’s own good because they have to be “taught a lesson in humility” and “being the bigger person” or some other fucking nonsense that sounds like it fell directly from the mouths of actual child abusers and predators. “

So anyone who disagrees with you are child abusers and predators now too!?  We would like to say that is astounding, almost like it’s entirely fiction.  We’d also like to mention, the only BIG Name Pagans around here are you and Devo, and you guys are constantly a problem.  Maybe its you who needs to “be taught a lesson in humility” because you are no where near humble and you are among the most abusive individuals in this community.--Memphis

Said it before, will say it again.  We have seen you and your crew bully and publicly shame far more people in this particular community than any of us.  We’re not the ones who started the Kemetic Callout war, only the ones who have arguably been more successful at it.  And your callout blog only has the people who talked back and wouldn’t bend, it doesn’t count the many who bowed and broke before your bullying or those who left here altogether.--Cairo  

“Until sharing UPG that goes against the more popular narratives no longer makes one a social pariah among their polytheist peers, nobody should be surprised that it’s almost exclusively the heretical, disrespectful punks who are constantly being publicly snubbed and dismissed by their peers, who ever seem to talk about seeing any results or evidence that anything out-of-the-ordinary is actually going on. “

Translation: “Until I can share my UPG and it is believed as absolute fact without any question, and be heralded as the divine truth, the community is a shitshow!”--Memphis

As long as your UPG agrees 100% with your own personal and political beliefs, it will and should be questioned.  Whatever your stance, the gods have a wider experience and knowledge base than we do and will always have a different perspective.  Any spirit that tells you everything you want to hear and flatters you shamelessly is no god and has no good intentions towards you in the end.--Cairo

“Until we all accept that it doesn’t matter if Christians and mainstream secular people think we’re weird and so we don’t need to constantly jump through hoops to seem Academic™ and Serious™ and Normal™, nobody should be surprised that the only public discussions that don’t devolve into nasty name-calling matches are ones facilitated by a handful of holier-than-thou assholes who treat having a PhD in Philosophy as though it’s a permission slip from the gods themselves to be a self-righteous, know-it-all douche, and never really allow any disagreement with them on anything important.“

Translation: “We need to continue being edgy punk teens who disrespect gods and culture and snub actual belief systems by turning them into comical satires of themselves, until the people smarter then us give up and let us have all the power, while we use our UPG to try and seem way more divinely important then we actually are by assigning ourselves flashy titles and divine endorsements!!! Cause if the gods support US, then we can’t be wrong!”

We would like to remind you that history is fraught with oppressive regimes who used this tactic, one example is the Spanish Inquisition.  Did you agree with them torturing and killing people to force them into conversion?  Another example we would like to mention is the North Korean regimes.  The ones who still have ACTUAL concentration camps. 

We would like to mention, China now has concentration camps where they hold and torment innocent Muslim citizens, and Chechnya who still have death camps where they send gay and LGBT citizens. 

We would like to mention these go entirely against your belief and political structures about LGBT+ issues, oppression, and gay rights.  We notice you never mention those.  We notice you never complain about them and how evil they are. We wonder, is it because it goes against your narrative of “communism is the truth and the way” or do you just not care? 

We would like to point out it would seem like those are true injustices you could fight against and for...not...how everyone needs to behave and believe how you want.

We would like to set the snark aside for a second and say, we’re always up for discussions.  We need to clarify that you always reduce the conversations to insults and calling everyone who disagrees with you “racist bootlickers”, so the issue is not on our side, but with you, so stop lying that we and all your critics are the unreasonable ones.

“And until we care more about taking care of each other than protecting our deities’ reputations, nobody should be surprised when our community remains a toxic, misogynistic, homophobic, Nazi-infested shithole, while everyone is more than happy to spend hours arguing about the particulars of shrine setups and deity name pronunciations and whether or not it’s okay to offer potato chips and Netflix binges to ancient deities who, ultimately, realistically are not that likely to give a shit either way. “

Literal Nazis wandered into our community and your reaction was “meh so what” and continued bullying other innocent people, who you labeled as nazis and racists.  You’re a one tune piano smarmy, and you just keep tooting the same tune.  It wasn’t believable when you were “the holy ambassador, ordained by Jesus, to the hellenics” it is not believable now.

“Until we fix the problems with our collective paradigm, until we fix the way we treat each other, until we genuinely value wisdom, compassion, humility, and courage over our reputations, we are all gonna have to accept that the gods we worship are not all that interested in revealing their actual, authentic, awesome, strange and unexpected powers to people who are determined to believe they are either incapable or unwilling to do so.“

We agree, you should start treating people better, starting with inatier and all the other people you’ve spent YEARS defaming, bullying, berating, harassing, snubbing, and demonizing.--Memphis

Actions speak louder than words Smarmy, and based on yours none of these are your values.  We have seen you bully and cast aside community members who did their research and were willing to share, we have seen your utter lack of compassion throughout your time here with anyone who has the nerve to disagree with you, and the idea of you having humility is a joke.  You worry more about being seen as your edgy, antifa, communist [insert additional labels here} self than about having the courage to suck it up, show some compassion, and value the wisdom of trying to mend the fences you have broken so badly over the years.

Additionally, we have had no problem seeing the many wondrous and varied faces of our gods because we are not hell bent on forcing them into tiny boxes that fit only our own personal beliefs.  If this is a problem you have been having, perhaps you should take your own advice.--Cairo

My colleagues have added much to these particular points of your diatribe, but I’ll add my bit here. While it seems like you may be in a better place physically (despite claiming you know more about psychology and medicine than your previous doctors do), you seem to be going down a dark, dangerous road mentally. You might just find yourself in jail yet, or worse if you don’t reevaluate your thinking.

“The insomnia is what caused my other symptoms to get so bad that they become delusions, paranoia, mania, and once, auditory hallucinations.” So you’re admitting to having breaks from reality, along with your emotional instability. Yet, you get butthurt when people are skeptical to your religious experiences. I’m no psychologist, admittedly, but I don’t automatically trust random people’s religious experiences, much less someone with a history of psychosis. Whether it’s you or anyone else. 

I would also recommend you be very, very careful using THC. I don’t know what medications you’re taking, but THC can interact with several different drugs, including Prozac. High levels of THC can cause paranoia and psychosis as well. 

You’re trying to act as a leader and activist when you’re still dealing with some very serious conditions. This is why so many people recommend to not use magic or occultic practices when dealing with mental health. People are not being elitist or ableist when they do this. The whole purpose is to encourage others to first attain treatment for their conditions. You’ve been claiming your own voice as Set’s, threatening violence to attain your desires in regards to politics, and using magic to harm your political enemies. You refuse to understand the motivations of people who don’t hold the same political opinions - even “centrists”, so that even the politically moderate are your enemies. This is even a symptom of borderline personality disorder, which you say you’re diagnosed with. Clearly, your symptoms aren’t completely managed.

https://www.webpsychology.com/news/2015/09/01/dangers-black-and-white-thinking-228391

You have a long way to go in terms of healing. You can blame the outside world all you like for not getting treatment or for a lack of progress, but your mental health is YOUR responsibility and you need to take responsibility and fix yourself before you’re in any position to try and “fix” the world with your ideology.

I highly encourage you to take a break and get some further professional help; wherever you are and however you can get it. Your writings are extremely troubling to us here. The last thing you need is to get arrested or committed trying to “punch a Nazi” or “take down the system”. You’re going to really screw up any chances of getting on your feet, getting treatment, and doing something actually meaningful with your life if you continue down this road.

--Karnak