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heybeybey · 3 years

Text

and it was your heart on the line

Rating: Explicit

Genre: Angst/Romance

Pairing: Rivetra | Levi x Petra

Word Count: 8,706

Summary: Turns out, it wasn't a request. It was an order. If he denies again, then it's an ultimatum. Pressured to continue the Ackerman line, Levi is forced to choose between his commitment to giving meaning to his comrades' deaths or sacrificing the future of the woman who have always been devoted to him.

(Anon Ask | AO3 Link)

(It's also Smutty Saturday so here, have smut + ANGST. MOSTLY ANGST THO)

It's been a month since he learned about his true relation to Kenny.

Two weeks since he, Hange and Erwin traced his Ackerman ancestry.

A week since they found out what his last name means and how inhuman his strength truly is.

And two days since he received that fucking memo.

Captain Levi Ackerman,

We were recently made aware of the extent of your capabilities. After much discussion in the court, we believe that you will be doing humanity a great service by continuing the Ackerman line.

We look forward to your cooperation.

A great service his ass.

A few days ago, he, Erwin and Hange found out that the Ackerman line used to be the bodyguards of the royal family in the past and that the reason why they were so skilled is because they are titans in human form. They were then persecuted for shit knows what and the whole clan scattered throughout the walls in the past hundred years.

It also turns out that this ability is accessible to all Ackermans. They haven't found out if it's automatically passed down but Levi noted that there was a time when he felt something jolt in him when faced in a life or death situation (which was almost a daily basis for him back in the Underground).

Now, they want to reinstate the line to help the military progress.

The way Levi sees it, the government basically wants him to breed as if he's a cow in a nobleman's farm.

Levi ignores the memo for the next few days and when they sent a follow up for his reply, he didn't hesitate in telling them to fuck off. That's when things went south.

Turns out, it wasn't a request. It was an order. If he denies again, then it's an ultimatum.

They argued that the captain's citizenship above ground is tethered to his role in the Scouts. Denying this request would be taken as an act of insubordination, no matter how much Erwin forgives the said "offense". Moreover, it's an insult to the crown.

The greedy fucks from the top brass gave him two weeks or he'll be kicked back down to the Underground. Since he's the only known Ackerman, he can't push this responsibility on someone else's plate.

- - -

Only his Special Operations team were made aware of the situation. Erwin said that his squad deserves to know why their captain might be out of commission for at least a week... or why he'd possibly be kicked out of the scouts soon.

Levi silently took in the horror on their faces when he broke the news.

"Captain, are they even allowed to do that?"

"That's just... sick."

"Maybe there's a way to delay it for a few more years, sir?"

The only one who didn't speak up was Petra. She just watched the four men converse, with Levi and Eld discussing what the next steps are in case the captain will be leaving the scouts.

The thought leaves a bitter taste in all of their mouths. Survey Corps without Captain Levi? They can only see their success rates getting knocked down further. At the same time, they also don't know which decision to support, knowing that the captain will be sacrificing himself either way.

- - -

Petra has been spacing out since that day. Sometimes, her squad needed to snap her out of it during trainings. She'd been a total recluse, rarely joining them at the dining table during their morning coffee. She'd still bring the captain's tea late at night but other than that, she looks more like a ghost floating around in their squad's side of the floor. They think it's heartbreak since her admiration for the captain is already an open secret between the five of them. No one would've even imagined what she was planning.

She was able to snap herself out of it two days after, and now she's barging into Commander Erwin's office during lunch time.

"Commander Erwin, there must be another way," Petra pleads. She rarely goes to Erwin's office alone and if she's here right now, the captain must've not been aware that his subordinate would approach this topic straight with the commander.

Erwin sighs. "Ms. Ral, I appreciate your concern for the captain. Believe me, I've personally reached out to Zackley regarding this. There's nothing much I can do. I've already swayed Levi's citizenship to our favor once."

It also doesn't help that the government sees the Scouts as the most useless of all three military branches. Learning about how powerful Levi truly is was the only thing that reignited their belief in their regiment after five consecutive failed expeditions and thousands of coins wasted.

The commander looks at Petra and he can tell from her face that the gears are turning in her head. He frowns, having an inkling of what her next words will be. Erwin knows how loyal Petra is to her captain. It's something that the commander himself leveraged and exploited during expeditions.

"Would... if I do it, will that...?"

Erwin's face softens, meeting her eyes in concern. If they were to ask for his opinion as commander, it would be a waste if they allow Petra to take the responsibility. She's one of the best soldiers in the corps and her ability to sync with any team they place her in was an asset that you wouldn't find in any other soldier.

But as Levi's friend, he'd rather not order the captain around when it comes to this matter. The part of him who's committed to humanity's survival knows what the right answer is to Levi's situation, and he knows the captain will choose what will always be best for his soldiers.

"Petra, you know that Levi wouldn't allow it."

"But does it even matter what we think anymore? Commander, they're going to take the captain away from us."

Erwin is quiet for a moment, careful eyes assessing how serious Petra truly is. "Are you sure about this Petra?"

"You know I'll do anything for our cause." Adamant and unwavering. Levi chose well.

Erwin nods. "I'll talk to Zackley what it will mean if the captain chooses a subordinate instead of a commoner. Normally, sleeping with your commanding officer would lead to a dishonourable discharge."

Petra flinches at that.

"But... we can all agree that this is a different case."

- - -

Petra comes to Levi that night. At first, he just assumed it's their usual evening tea time.

"I-I talked to Commander Erwin this morning," she starts, setting down his tea on the desk. He glances back at her for a moment before turning back to his paperwork.

"What about?" Levi said. "You do know that if you have a concern, you can also tell me. I'm the one responsible for you."

"It's not a concern," she replies quickly. "Well... it is but-"

Her hesitance finally stops him. "Since when have you held back whenever we have tea together, Petra?"

"Captain... I-I can..."

He doesn't turn his chair around, waiting for Petra to speak.

"I'm saying that if it will greatly serve humanity, I'm willing to have-," she gulps, pushing the fear from her face to look at him determinedly. "I'm willing to be the one to help you continue the Ackerman bloodline."

Levi's grateful his back was turned. If it wasn't, Petra would've seen how his slanted eyes widened with horror and concern at her words. He feels a headache starting to come along, and he schools his face before finally turning around, assessing hers. His heart fell when he finds that she somehow looks both determined and scared at the same time.

"No."

Petra deflates a little bit at that, seemingly both relieved and hurt from the rejection.

"Please captain, I don't want you to be forced out of the Survey Corps. The scouts need you. I-" She cuts herself off at that, but her silence was loud. He'd known for a while now the depth of Petra's devotion.

"Petra, are you even aware of what you're offering?"

"Of course I know!" She snaps, so unlike her to disrespect her captain outright. "Captain, I wouldn't have offered myself if I'm not aware of what I'll be giving up."

"Then you're fucking stupid for even wanting to go through with this. We don't even know how many they're demanding from me."

He stands up from his chair and grabs her upper arm in a bruising grip, almost desperate to get his point across. "You'll be forced to leave the Scouts, give up your career to take care of a-"

It's rare for him to be speechless, and he finds that the word baby can't even pass through his mouth these days.

"Sir, I just want to help..." Petra says quietly, gaze averted.

"This is not up for debate Petra." He looks at her coldly. "Leave."

"But captain-" He lets her arm go. Petra's expressive round eyes are starting to tear up.

"I said get out."

He watches her hurry out, trying to ignore the fact that she was furiously wiping her eyes as she leaves.

- - -

They went out for an expedition one morning and Levi was somewhat grateful for the distraction.

Reality only came crashing down on him again when he'd watched another soldier die. He seemed new and young, looking more like a cadet than an actual soldier. Probably fresh out of the training corps but died way too soon because he chose the wrong regiment. If Levi remembers correctly, this was one of the newer scouts who had the guts to approach him with bright and eager eyes and asked for advice.

"What's your name?" Levi asks the soldier. He kneels down beside the younger man.

"E-Ethan, sir," the soldier rasps. Levi silently nods in acknowledgement. He looks up, finding Petra tending to a fatally injured scout. Eld and Gunther was assisting a female veteran who lost a leg. He can't seem to find Oluo anywhere.

"C-Captain..." Ethan struggles with his words and Levi can see how his gaze is starting to lose focus.

"I'll avenge your sacrifice, Ethan." Levi says as he holds the young boy's bloody hand, hearing him take his last breath. "I promise you that."

Levi apologizes to Petra in his own way as they wrap up the expedition. He approaches her as she was about to mount her horse.

"Petra." She looks to him with teary eyes. She does this after every expedition, crying for all the fallen soldiers as her own way of commemorating their sacrifice.

"Yes, sir?" she replies in a gentle voice, as if he didn't just make her cry two nights before.

Levi hands her a white handkerchief. "Here."

She blinks up at him for a bit but accepts his offer. He never says sorry outright, but he and Petra have always had this way of communicating where words aren't needed to be said.

They were running out of time. Levi tried to take his mind off the problem by training until his own body gives up on him. A huge part of him have already accepted that he'll be marched back down to that shithole by the end of the week.

Hell, he already packed up the limited possessions that he has.

"Levi, you know this is for the scouts. Losing you would mean losing a battalion for the Survey Corps," Erwin argued.

"Are you asking me to force a woman to become the government's baby making machine?" Levi snaps. "Because that's sick as fuck Erwin!"

Hange told him once that there was a major decrease in the scouts' death toll since he joined. Levi didn't want to believe at first that a single soldier was enough to make that much of a difference, but Hange's numbers was more than enough proof. Since he joined, they didn't need to send 10 men on a dangerous mission when a single soldier can do all the dirty work and still live.

Erwin pointed out that many would jump at the opportunity to lie with humanity's strongest. Levi just wanted to vomit at the title.

How can something that used to boost his soldiers' morale now turn into a fucked up ultimatum that preyed on his commitment to making his comrades' deaths matter?

He supposes that there are other women. He can even just detach himself from the whole situation after the woman gets pregnant and let her raise the kid.

But Levi has an intimate relationship with abandonment. Of being used and treated as nothing more than just a tool. It was all he knew growing up with gangs in the underground, and eventually in the corps as comrades die and his strength used to the regiment's advantage.

He's not that big of a piece of shit as to use someone and leave a child fatherless until they come of age to become a soldier. If he was going to have a kid, he'd make sure that they at least have a good childhood to compensate for all the shit they'd be pressured in. He'd want to be there every time he leaves the walls—not as a captain commanding his soldier but as a father ensuring his child's safety.

Levi also feels sick at the thought of just bedding anyone. Whenever he thinks of this option, his mind would take him back to a dark closet, deep in the underground, where he'd hide as his mother takes on another client. He'd be no better than the men who he watched come and go from his mother's room in the brothel, leaving her crying and filthy once they're done. It feels as if he'd be disrespecting her memory this way. Spitting on his mother's grave would've been more respectful than this.

The only other option is to drag the woman he'd been secretly throwing longing looks at, so willing and devoted, down with him.

- - -

The night before the government will come knocking on their doors, Petra came to his office again.

"You're up for promotion." This was his last resort.

If she accepts, then he'll be leaving tomorrow for the underground. He doesn't really know which outcome to hope for.

Levi doesn't give her the chance to reply, silently handing her a folder. He wants her to understand the gravity of this situation. Of how much of a double-edged sword her devotion truly is.

"I've already signed it and Erwin's just waiting for you to accept before he approves. We'll be raising your rank, complete with a 25% salary increase. You're still in the Special Ops, but now with the opportunity to command your own team outside of our missions, or whenever Erwin and I see it fit during an expedition. This is a step closer to fully becoming a squad leader two or three years from now."

Petra sighs and shakes her head at that. She didn't even hesitate as she takes away the folder from his hand and sets it down on his office table.

"Please, Captain." Petra pleads, hand moving to delicately hold his. "The scouts need you."

The face of the soldier who died yesterday, (Ethan, he corrects himself) flashes on his mind. Levi's promise to the young man rings phantomly in his ears.

I'll avenge your sacrifice, I promise you that.

Levi surrenders.

- - -

"Captain?" Petra removed the last button of her uniform, her eyes on the floor, leaving her in only her cotton underwear. He watches her while he sits on the edge of the bed, eyes taking in her every move as she shrugs off all her clothing.

"Call me Levi," he corrects her. "Please."

"Levi..." She closes the gap between them, climbing on the bed and reaching out a hand to cup his face to help him relax. Petra gives him a shy smile when he leans closer to her touch, while he settles a hand at the small of her back. She leans forward, kissing his jaw and sliding her hand down to his chest to feel the quick drum of his heartbeat. "It's okay, Levi. I trust you."

Petra settles herself on his lap and gently turns his face up to hers, giving him a chaste kiss on the lips. His hands trail up her upper arms and she involuntarily shivered when he cups her cheeks to deepen the kiss. Emboldened by how receptive she is of his touch, Levi trails his mouth from her lips to her cheek, gradually making his way down to her neck.

Petra's eyes are closed, biting on her lower lip. She tangles a hand against his hair to pull him closer, encouraging him further. He feels himself getting hard fast when she aligns the heat of her core against his.

"Do you want me to turn off the lights?" She asks, testing the waters by grinding down on him. He shakes his head no, tucking a ginger strand of hair behind her ear. The last thing he needs is to feel like this is a casual romp with a stranger. He wants to know it's her.

He runs his hands against her bare thighs before twisting their bodies around so she'd end up laying back on his bed. She gave a quiet huff at the impact, but Levi was quick to lean down and kiss her intensely. He fears he might come faster than they need him to if she continues bucking against him and they need to pace themselves.

Levi plans to worship Petra tonight, because she deserves nothing less. He looks down at her and meets her eyes for a bit before he's trailing down kisses throughout her body. When he's closer to her chest area, Petra removes her bra off for him and his throat goes dry at the sight. She looks up at Levi with half-lidded eyes, guiding his hands to knead her breasts. The captain doesn't waste time, groping then leaning down to swirl his tongue over a nipple before tending to the other.

Petra whimpers with his every touch. When he makes a bold move to slip his hand down her panties, that's when she gives a low moan.

"Is this okay?" he asks quietly and Petra nods. He starts to massage her clit, feeling her core starting to dampen as his strokes become more intentional.

He soon replaces his fingers with this tongue, earning him a keening sound from the woman below him. Levi only pulls away when he's satisfied at how much of a dazed mess Petra is, hands gripping his black hair to stabilize herself. He levels himself again with her and Petra latches her mouth against him, once again grinding her naked pussy against his cock, still clothed in his pants.

They've both lost the initial shyness and hesitation from earlier on, now both driven by their eagerness to push their pleasure further. He's hard by this point, feeling the dampness and heat between her thighs through his clothed lower regions. Petra continues to grind herself against him and Levi gets harder at the thought of how she's fully naked and vulnerable below him. She desperately bucks up against his hips, delicate but scarred hands reaching down to finally start unbuckling his pants.

He allows her to shrug off his pants while he removes his white undershirt, towering over her. Petra watches him take off his top with a primal look in her eyes, sitting up and reaching out to pass her hands against the lines of his firm abdomen. Her eyes flares up at the sight of his cock, hand reaching out to touch before Levi grabs her wrist.

"I won't be able to last long if you do that." He says. Petra understands, opening her legs further instead to allow him in.

He positions himself between her thighs and looks at her one last time, making sure there's no doubt on her face. Petra, being the fucking amazing woman that she is, only nods at him with a small reassuring smile.

Levi grunts at how deliciously tight she is when he finally enters her, while Petra's arms found its way around his back to cling to him. It proves to be a struggle because her wet walls squeezes around him and he finds it hard to pull his head out of the pleasurable haze. He tries to pace himself, giving them both enough time to adjust to the feeling. When he feels Petra's hips slightly bucking up as if to egg him on, that's when he starts to move.

It was heaven and hell at the same time. For a second or two, he'd like to believe that this is a moment built on months of romancing and awkward dates. He lets his mind wander away from what it actually is—a task, a burden placed on his shoulders for an ability he never even asked for. And he dragged the bravest and most capable woman he knows down with him, willing as she may be.

"Harder, Levi," she breathes out on his ear, snapping his head from spiralling down in self-hatred at their situation.

Levi gives into her wishes, bracing himself by leaning down and pulling her hips closer. He starts to work towards an almost bruising pace, wanting to find a good balance between pleasure and pain for her. Her arms are encircled around him, hands running up and down the hard muscles on his back. Levi looks at the way Petra's breasts bounce with every snap of his hips, mesmerized. Her mouth was open in an o-shape, eyes unfocused as she surrenders to the heat of the moment, cheeks flushed, nipples continuously grazing against his chest with every thrust.

"Yes yes yes," she breathlessly chants. "Fuck me, Levi."

He'd dreamed of Petra like this in the past. But as her commanding officer, all he could really do is lock away those depraved thoughts and quietly steam in lust over his ginger subordinate. Being with her right now couldn't even compare to the nights he jacked off to the thought of her.

He can already tell that Petra's close with the way she's clenching him. Her pants are more desperate now and she bites on his shoulder blade as she reaches her own climax, and he eventually feels her hold on him slacken. Tired and pleased, Petra allows her head to fall back on the pillow and takes in his face to watch the emotions passing through his face.

The feel of her wet core clenching around him was more than enough to edge him closer towards his limit. The rhythm of his thrusts starts to stutter, his primal need to reach release urging him forward.

Petra starts moaning again, turned on at his uncontrollable lust. He waits until she eventually comes again, watching her fall tiredly on the bed, before allowing himself to let go.

One thrust, two, and then they tip past the point of no return. Petra makes a low noise once he comes inside her, her hips rising to meet his final thrust. Lost in pleasure, Levi had to grip hard on the bed frame above her to compose himself. Petra holds his gaze—a mix of adoration and desperation—through it all.

They both pant from the thrill of their coupling and Levi finally collapses on Petra. She pulls him close, allowing him to lay his head on her chest.

He didn't even know when he started crying. He only realized it when he felt Petra brushing away the tears silently running down his cheek with her thumb.

What kind of lowlife am I? Here he is, crying like a little shit when he was the one who'll be subjecting her to whatever hell that awaits them in the next few months. Female soldiers are normally allowed maternity leave but since his case is different, the higher ups demanded that at least one parent will see through the child's growth.

Everyone assumes that it wouldn't be the captain.

He didn't have to sacrifice his career and position. He doesn't need to sit around and nurture a living being inside him for almost a year. Petra will be the one who'll be taking the bulk of it all.

You're fucking selfish. You're a coward.

"I'm sorry," he whispers softly against her skin. He stays where he is, head laid on top of her bare chest and listening to the thump of her heart. Petra was just quiet for awhile, gently running her fingers through his jet-black hair as she stares up at the window and at the night sky.

"Levi... remember when you told us before to choose the choice that we'll regret the least?"

He doesn't answer back, not really knowing what to say at her hushed question.

"I chose this," Petra continues. "Because you going back to the Underground is the consequence that would kill me the most."

She gently tilts his head up so he can meet her eyes, her hand shaking from the barrage of emotion. Petra looks at his face, awe and adoration shining in her amber eyes as she traces a finger against the frown lines between his brows.

"You're a great man, Captain. I've never met someone who cares so much for his soldiers' lives more than you do." Petra continues. "I truly believe that you'll be the one who'll lead us outside these walls."

"I don't deserve you Petra."

She smiles sadly at that. "You have me either way, Levi. I'm here to stay."

- - -

The next nine months were... Well, they didn't even know how to describe it.

They decided to reveal it to their team on the first month of her pregnancy. That led to Eld's fist colliding with Levi's face. The biggest surprise was that the captain allowed his second-in-command to disrespect him in such a way.

"Eld, no!" Petra screamed.

"Captain, you told me before that you recruited Petra for her skills," Eld said. "I didn't know you'd be the type to take advantage of young girls!"

Levi understood where the younger man was coming from, knowing how Eld and Gunther treated Petra like a little sister. Oluo, on the other hand, just watched the exchange with a crestfallen look.

The guys only believed that Levi didn't force her into anything when they saw how Petra fretted over the captain's bruised face the whole afternoon. She'd constantly throw them a glare as she cups an ice pack on Levi's jaw and would constantly follow him around to make sure that he won't get attacked by the three guys. Not that they would even have the guts to attempt it, nor would the captain let it pass the second time around.

Frankly, Levi's grateful that he has a team who looks out for each other, even when they're not beyond the walls. That's one of the reasons why he trusts them. He doesn't know where he stands now as their captain and he knows these turn of events will greatly shift or even damage their squad's dynamics.

As the month comes to a close and with another mission beyond the walls in the works, Erwin pulled Petra out of all expeditions, much to the surprise of the other Scouts. Her role for the next three months were mostly to brief new recruits along with some clerical work before she closes this chapter of her life.

- - -

On the second month, they traveled to Karanese district to finally tell Petra's father. Levi had never met the man before, and the captain was quiet the whole way to her home town. If Petra didn't know better, she'd think that Levi's nervous.

The truth is that all he feels is guilt.

He knocked up the man's daughter and he was her commanding officer. What's worse is that they didn't do it because they were so hopelessly in love. Come to think of it, it would've been better if they chalked it up to them not being able to keep their hands off each other.

He'd be lucky if Petra's father doesn't assume that Levi just turned his daughter into a breeding stock.

"Petra!" The older man greets them. "Captain Levi, it's so nice to finally meet you. Petra told me a lot about you in her letters."

Levi takes a few moments to revel in the warm welcome, thinking that this day would probably end up in more heartbreak because of him.

"Mr. Ral." He accepts the man's handshake.

"Please, come in! I've prepared enough for the three of us. You're not allergic to anything, right captain?"

None of them mentioned just yet what they were there for and Levi was content just to hear Petra chatting excitedly with her father. Mr. Ral seems like a friendly man, and it's no wonder he ended up having a daughter who's such a sweetheart. The atmosphere in the room was light as father and daughter caught up on each other's lives.

Until Petra has to run to the bathroom to vomit.

He saw the rising concern on her father's face as they listen to Petra retching in the bathroom, and that whole five minutes of waiting for her to come back was absolute torture. Levi, for all his bravery when fighting titans, couldn't even meet the older man's eyes.

"Captain Levi, why are you really here?" Mr. Ral cautiously asks him.

The older man's face cracks when he finally learned the true nature of Petra's pregnancy. He couldn't look at Levi after that.

"Captain, I think you should leave." Mr. Ral says, voice cold that he couldn't believe that the warm welcome he received earlier on came from the same man. Levi didn't need to be told twice.

"Dad..."

Levi sighs as he stands up. "Thank you for the food, Mr. Ral."

"Dad, it's not his fault." Petra tries again as Levi moves to the door. "It's my decision. You know how Captain Levi is important to the Survey Corps."

"But why you, Petra?" Mr. Ral snaps. "You know, I was concerned when you told me that you were the only girl in his squad."

"Please, stop." Petra sobs.

"If I'd only known that I really did have a reason to be worried, I would've demanded you to come home."

Levi silently listens to the whole exchange from outside of the room, eyes downcast.

- - -

Petra signed her retirement on the third month. High from the mood swings brought on by the pregnancy, she cried and even hugged the commander. Erwin just awkwardly patted her head and told Petra that it might be best to let go now before Levi slices his hand off.

She also went to Mitras this month, meeting the people who forced Levi into this situation for the first time. Petra was shaking in anger as she walked inside the room, throwing the officials the dirtiest glare she could manage.

Petra didn't even bother to be respectful that whole afternoon as they brief her on what they expect from her, and what can or cannot be public information.

"I used to hope that the child won't inherit your glare but now I'm more scared to imagine if they got Ms. Ral's," Erwin whispered to Levi, watching as Petra backtalks another official.

Levi shrugs. "You haven't seen her when she gets too competitive during trainings."

On the same month, they ended up sleeping together without the goal of furthering the Ackerman bloodline.

They haven't touched each other since the doctor confirmed that Petra's already pregnant. Her every test was recorded and reported to the fuckers back at Mitras and that thought alone was enough to squeeze out the arousal in Levi's body.

Somehow, they found themselves making out in his office on this night.

"Why didn't we do this during our evening tea before?" Levi asked against her neck, peppering kisses on every inch of skin he can reach.

Petra laughs, elongating her neck further to give him access. "Gee, captain. I didn't know you wanted to be court-martialled so bad."

She's currently in civilian clothing since her last day with the scouts was yesterday. Her dress was easier to access and he'd long since unbuttoned the first few buttons that covered her breasts.

Fuck it, he thought as he moves away from his office chair and settles more comfortably on the couch, with Petra on his lap. He looks up at her, eyes alight in lust as he takes in her breasts spilling out of her dress, chest heaving and orange hair dishevelled. He hurriedly tries to unzip out of his own clothing, eagerly kissing her as she slides down his cock.

After a whole week of sex a few months ago, Levi thought he's already used to the feel of Petra around him. Egged on by their own baser instincts despite the situation, they fucked every chance they can get and it was the closest Levi had to a break. It would've been a blissful escapade if he didn't know any better, and the guilt would eat him raw every time he ejaculates inside her.

But for some reason, sex with her right now feels different. Still heated and pleasurable, because of course— it's Petra, but something has shifted between them. He feels lighter, freer.

He's careful as he bounces Petra above him, but still careful not to hurt her. Levi worships every part of her that he could reach without breaking away from the pace that they'd set, while Petra pulls against his hair and leaves her own marks on his chiseled skin.

It's the first time they had slept together without feeling as if someone's keeping a close eye on them.

This moment together is theirs.

- - -

They feel the baby move on the fourth month of her pregnancy.

Levi was the one who first felt it when he was laying his head on her lap. He was quietly reading a report while Petra was knitting a few socks when he felt a poke on the side of his head that was cozied up to her belly.

"Okay, stop it woman!" He scolds and sits up, thinking that she was messing with him. Levi pauses when he sees that Petra is tearing up.

"He kicked."

"What?"

"The baby." Levi's face slackens at that, eyes wide with wonder dropping to her tummy. She runs both hands over the skin, stops and smiles, before taking his wrist to place his own hand on one spot.

Sure enough, Levi did feel that faint poke. He lifts his other hand so he can place both on her belly. Emotion overwhelms him and he swallowed to keep himself at bay.

"Hey, kid."

On the fifth month, Levi was able to strong-arm the higher-ups to give him a goddamn house. Petra knows that this thought would continue to amuse her for years.

From what she heard from Erwin, Levi demanded that the child needs a nice place to grow up in. Since his salary wasn't worth shit despite his high rank in the scouts, it still would take him a long time to make a downpayment.

They approved the request and they moved in a few days shy of her sixth month. It was a simple house, complete with two floors and three bedrooms. One room in the first floor while another two above. Petra suggested that maybe the third bedroom can be his office but he refused.

"You're thinking of opening a pastry shop once the kid's here, right? You can use that space."

"Hmm... but that will still take some time." Petra answers, her voice taking on a teasing lilt. "Maybe we can use it to store all your brooms and cleaning solutions instead."

They once talked about what Petra plans to do once the child is born. Of course, most of her hours will be spent taking care of the baby but knowing Petra, she's not the type who'd sit around and rely on him for the rest of her life. They're still not sure if she'll be able to rejoin the scouts years from now, even when Levi tried telling her that maybe he can find a way to work around it the top brass' shitty conditions. They decided instead to focus more on what they can control now, and he suggested that he was able to save enough that they can use that as a capital for whatever she wanted to do.

As they were fixing their new house, Petra was also surprised that he was setting up his side on the master's bedroom.

Petra wanted to sleep beside him every night, of course. They've already been doing so since that first time they had sex after her pregnancy was confirmed. But Petra thought that it's just going to be her who will move in because the house was a good two hours away from the barracks, making it a hassle for Levi to go back and forth everyday. Petra tells him that she'd be alright with him only coming home for the weekends if it will save him a 4-hour commute every single day.

Levi brushed off her concerns and proceeded to set up the nursery room instead.

"Will a baby really give a fuck about all these colors?" He crudely asks, looking at all the paint palettes in his hand.

- - -

The sixth month was slightly harder. Petra thinks that it may be because the reality that she's now out of the Survey Corps, the one thing that gave meaning to her life for four years, is settling in on her.

Her closest friends in the scouts would visit her a few times every month. Hange's squad, sometimes accompanied by Nanaba, would drop by and Levi had to control Hange from turning Petra and his child into one of their experiments.

"Aww, Levi. I'm just trying to be a good aunt!"

"By trying to feed Petra one of your shitty concoctions?" He snaps back, taking the bottle with the godforsaken liquid as far away as he can from the mother of his child. Petra has to stop Levi from completely banning Hange from their home after that.

Eld, Oluo and Gunther visit her as much as they can.

"Wow, you look like a ball." Oluo blurts out when he sees Petra, earning him a slap at the back of his head from Gunther.

"Bozado, this is the reason why you still don't have a girlfriend." Eld said, smirking. "The captain has shittier social skills than you and he's now going to be a father. Up your game a bit."

Gunther grunts at Eld's quip, knowing that Oluo would take that differently. "Way to go Eld. As if the cravat's not worse enough."

Their visits make Petra feel as if it's just another morning in the barracks, except she now has a round belly. Gunther always asks about how she's feeling while Oluo would brag that he'd be the greatest uncle the kid will ever have. Eld indulges her in her cravings and always brings a basket of strawberries whenever the three of them visit.

She also learned that Levi never chose another scout to take over her place.

"Captain said that it doesn't really make a difference if he adds another member," Gunther informs Petra. "He screened a few. All of them ran away crying."

Oluo chuckles. "Remember when he screamed at them that they're all useless and would be good as titan shit on the next expedition?"

"Please, we all know he's just comparing all of them to Petra. Man's way too in love with you, Pet." Eld replies and Petra blushes.

"If you're done gossiping about me, you're all free to get your asses out here. It's late." Levi suddenly pipes up from the door. The three men shuts up, salutes and scrambles out after saying their goodbyes to Petra, along with promises to visit whenever they can.

"Welcome back," Petra greets, kissing him on the cheek.

"Did any of them give you trouble?"

"If anything, Oluo will give you more trouble." Petra giggles, having had a conversation with Levi about Oluo's tendency to imitate the captain. "He saw your parenting books by the way. I think he's setting up a budget so he can buy himself some."

Levi groans at that.

Through the months, she'd learned that bright little Nifa was recently selected to be transferred to Hange's team. Nanaba would share stories about her promotion to being second-in-command in Squad Mike. Oluo recently got a pay raise and he enthusiastically boasts that he more than deserved it, but Petra knows he's just overjoyed that it will now be enough to send his younger brother to university. Stories that are worth celebrating and Petra was all too eager to celebrate with all of them.

But when she's alone, she'd sometimes feel that time had stopped for her. She'd realize that this isn't just a simple pregnancy and she's not just on a maternity leave. At times when she really is down in the dumps, she'd bitterly question if the living being inside of her truly is worth calling a bundle of joy.

She'd shake that thought away as fast as it came, of course. She rubs circles around her rounded tummy as if to say a silent sorry to her child for even thinking of such a thing. Petra loves her and Levi's baby with all her heart. She doesn't regret any of it because this baby symbolises that Levi would continue making a difference in the scouts.

Still though, there were moments when Levi would come home and find her asleep with tear tracks on her face, hands clenching on her old green scout uniform.

- - -

She was seven months along when he first admitted that he's in love with her.

Well, he didn't admit it directly.

For someone who can easily throw an insult, Levi's shit at words. He made his love known and he didn't even say it to her.

He said it to her belly instead, and Petra almost died at how adorable it all is.

"Your mom's a handful, you know?" was the first thing Petra heard when consciousness starts to return back to her. Sometimes she'd fall asleep in the early evenings just before Levi comes back home. He'd let himself in on most days so that he won't disturb her slumber.

Hearing Levi talk to the baby wasn't something new for Petra. He started addressing her belly since the first time he felt the kid kick. Sometimes, he'd have (one-sided) conversations with her belly as if Petra wasn't even there. Hell, he was even more talkative to the unborn baby than when he's planning an expedition with their squad.

This was one of those moments.

Petra was about to pipe up and greet him a welcome back when he continued.

"If she wasn't the most reckless and beautiful woman I've ever met, I wouldn't have put up with all that shit she'd pulled." Petra's heart flutters. Levi rarely uses words of affection as his love language. He'd always made his feelings known through late night runs to resupply their strawberries just because she was craving them, or by offering to massage her swollen feet for someone who's a real clean freak.

"Don't tell your mom that I cursed." Levi continues as he settles down on the bed to rub her belly. "She'd have my head."

Levi must've been really tired if he didn't notice that she's already awake. He did mention this morning that Erwin was forcing him to catch up on a lot of paperwork the whole day. Still, Petra kept her eyes closed, wanting to hear what he says next.

"Did you know that there was this time when she broke formation to save a horse from being stepped on by a titan?" Levi said before murmuring to her belly: "I can't believe I'm in love with someone that crazy."

- - -

On the eight month, he proposed to her.

"Levi, you don't have to." She tells him, trying to stop the smile from beaming on her face. Her hand subconsciously goes to her round tummy, as if to share to the little one how his daddy can be so silly sometimes.

"Tch. What makes you think I 'have' to?" Levi says. "I want to. Now, tell me that at least you liked the ring because that cost me three years' worth of budget for our cleaning supplies."

He said it so nonchalantly but Petra can always tell whenever Levi is nervous deep down. She recently learned the truth about his past and she knows that the thought of a child of his being a bastard, the same way that he is, didn't sit right with him.

Petra gives him a peck on the cheek and presented her hand so that he can slide it on her ring finger.

"I love it."

- - -

On her ninth month, Levi requested a paternity leave the week she's due to give birth. It always amazes Petra how someone who seemed so cold can be such a great father before the child was even born.

"Are you sure?" she asks. "You won't get behind on work right? You've always been horrible at keeping up with paperwork."

"Don't get too full of yourself," he scoffs. "Just because you're not helping me anymore doesn't mean I can't get them done."

"I also don't trust our neighbours enough to take you to a clean hospital," he later adds.

Petra was excited because this means she gets Levi for a whole week. The last time they got this much time together she was still in the scouts. So she took full advantage of it, demanding that he take her out on a date.

"You won't reject your wonderful, bloated wife, would you?" Petra waddles over to him, asking him with puppy dog eyes.

"God, woman. Are you serious? What if your water broke while we're having dinner?" He snaps back.

"Come onnn. I've been stuck in this house for a week now!" She pouts. "You worry too much, Levi."

"No, I'm just not as reckless as you are." He tells with a hint of fondness in his voice.

- - -

Petra gives birth to a healthy baby boy on the 9th of June, and Levi spent the whole duration of the labor pacing outside her hospital room. His passive face doesn't reveal much since he looks like he was only frowning constantly. On the inside though, he feels his heart lurch every time he hears Petra scream in pain and exertion.

He can't remember how many nurses he'd snapped at. Some of them would even hurry away when he tried approaching them to ask Petra's condition. The head nurse was adamant he stay outside though, telling him that his wife is fine.

Hours later, they finally allowed him in and a nurse handed him a bundle. At first, he was confused because all he wanted to do was rush to his wife who's currently sweaty, tired and asleep on the bed.

It only dawned onto him that what he's holding is his child.

Levi's whole body freezes, and the first thing that came to mind is Kenny.

I'm going to be a shitty father, he thinks, mind spiralling down to the many ways for things to fuck up. I'm going to end up abandoning him and he'll hate me forever.

He was snapped out of his thoughts when the baby gave a gentle coo, eyes blinking open to reveal amber orbs. Levi stares down at his child and awkwardly reaches out a finger towards his face. His son immediately latches on to his skin, a tiny palm attempting to encircle around his finger, and Levi can feel a ghost of a smile forming on his face.

"Hi, brat." He sees from the corner of his eye that some of the nurses raise an eyebrow at that. He'd been talking to the kid for months now through Petra's belly and this is when he's speechless?

Petra wakes up to find her husband fighting back sleep on a chair beside her bed. His hands were wrapped protectively around what seems like a bundle of cloth and he's clutching it to his chest.

He snaps out of his drowsy state when he sees her eyes open. "You're awake."

Petra hums. "Is... is that him?"

Levi nods and Petra's eyes light up despite the exhaustion weighing them down. He moves to pass on the baby boy to her, leaving a kiss on her sweaty forehead before he sits back down on the chair. He's not surprised that Petra started tearing up.

"Oh, Levi... he's so beautiful." Petra leans down to pepper kisses on the child's sleeping face. "He looks just like you."

Levi had never felt peace like this for awhile. A sick and sad part of him feared that if he'll blink his eyes closed, all these will disappear once he opens them.

He received a congratulatory letter from Mitras that same evening, forwarded to him by Erwin.

"Who's it from?" Petra asks as she nurses their baby. She's glowing, and even though she's a sweaty mess right now, he can't help but think that this is the most beautiful state he'd seen her in.

"Nothing. Just some report from Eyebrows," Levi answers.

He threw the letter away without even reading. He'd rather not have his mood ruined right now.

- - -

"He's awake?" Levi groggily asks from their bed.

Petra nods, rocking little Theo in her arms. "I'm praying that he won't inherit his father's insomniac habits."

Levi sits up, opening his arms to quietly ask Petra to hand over the baby to him. "Go to sleep Petra. I'll take care of him."

His wife hums as her body hits the bed, cuddling closer to Levi who's currently sitting up against the bed frame. She throws an arm around his waist while he holds their 4-month-old child, attempting to rock him back to sleep. Little Theo's amber eyes just stares up at him, black hair tousled from all his fussing.

"Oi, kid. Let your mom rest." Levi pokes his button nose, earning him a cute little giggle from the baby. "I'm blaming you if she gets all grumpy on me tomorrow."

Petra lightly slaps his abdomen, a small smile on her face while her eyes remain closed.

Once his family settles down, with Petra now asleep and his son's eyes gradually getting drowsier as the minutes pass, he allows himself to drown in his thoughts. Having a son was both a joy and a sorrow at the same time.

Hange always teased him at how much of family man he's become, not expecting that a grumpy recluse like him who's willing to kick the asses of recruits would be so protective of his own little family. His motivation now during each expedition is just to come back as soon as he can to his wife and son.

He sometimes daydreams about leaving it all, packing everything up and leaving their home, his position in the scouts and finding the three of them a safe space to stay away from the military's demands and interests. Little Theo wouldn't end up getting pressured to join the Survey Corps or any other regiment once he comes of age and he and Petra can have another child or even two on their own terms.

For so long, his commitment to the scouts' cause has mostly been tied to the past, wanting to give meaning to his comrades' deaths. This is the first time he looked towards the future. For the first time, he's hopes for something—he hopes for a time when his son wouldn't even be forced to join the military, no matter how decorated the title they would give him. Now, he leaves for expeditions envisioning a future where they can go beyond these stuffy walls, where he can teach Theo how to ride a horse without the intention to prepare him for a mission. It's for a future where he'd teach his son to fight, just because the boy is curious and not because he needs to survive.

He doesn't know what little Theo's future will look like. For now, all Levi can do is protect his family.

#rivetra #rivapet #rivapeto #levi x petra #petra x levi #rivetra fanfiction #rivetra fanfic

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on-stardust-wings · 3 years

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It says to send ramble prompts, but I have a question? A favor? You're an active Good Omens blog that tags posts. Can you post a list of common tags to help find things on this hellsite?

Oh, hello!

I'm afraid I cannot tell you how to find things on this hellsite; not even the Old Hellsite Gods know that. I can however do my best to explain the tags I use for this small, specific circle of hell(site). (And no worries, as shall be immediately demonstrated, I can and will ramble even about tags.)

I never intended for the tags here to be anything but a help to find things myself, so I'm not sure how useful you'll find them? A very common but useless for anyone but me tag for example is "my posts and additions". It used to be two tags, one for posts where I was the op and one for things I added to someone else's post, but as most of the posts I make are meta discussion stuff, the whole point is that people add to them and you can bounce thoughts back and forth, so it became that catch both versions thing. But it really only exists so I can find my own posts for personal reference and stuff; why would anyone else want to specifically find my ramblings? Another useless tag is "good omens"... This is my Good Omens sideblog, so almost everything here is Good Omens.

Okay. So. Common and/or actually useful tags. (How to tag search note: you can find tagged posts by entering the tag into the URL bar of your browser behind a blog's address. Replace all spaces with a dash. So searching for "good omens" on my blog will become "https://on-stardust-wings.tumblr.com/tagged/good-omens". I'm putting links for the bigger things, but I'll still be here by Christmas if I link every individual thing. As you will see, it's quite a list.)

There are things I consider Category Tags, which are pretty self-explanatory:

"good omens season 2" or "good omens 2" (Block that to avoid spoilers. I try to be consistent, but I'm fairly sure I've spelled it out as "two" a few times, or forgot the "season", so to be safe, block all conceivable versions of those if you need.)

"good omens meta"

"good omens headcanon"

"good omens fanart"

"good omens fic" (other fic tags are "good omens fic rec", "ficlet" for the short read-on-tumblr things, and "my fics" and "my writing" which is currently just a bit of ramblings about writing progress and anecdotes, but will be more about the actual fics once I start posting something)

"behind the scenes"

Character Tags are usually a character's full name (so "Newton Pulsifer" instead of "Newt"). For filtering, these are useful if you're looking for stuff including one of the less common characters, but as so many posts are tagged "Aziraphale" and "Crowley", usefulness for filtering of those two character tags is debatable. But I do use them consistently, so knock yourself out finding an endless list of Crowley posts.

Topic Tags filter for something specific, like scenes, events, settings or themes.

These include the Through the Ages Tags: "Eden", "the Fall", "1941", "1967", "1862", "the Bastille", "the Flood", "the Crucifixion", "41 AD" (might be sometimes tagged as "41 A.D." or simply as "Rome"), "Wessex", "the Globe" and "2007".

Events I know I have tagged would be "the Body Swap", "the Bandstand" and "the Bookshop Fire". Other common topic tags are "Aziraphale's Bookshop", "Crowley's Flat", "Crowley's Plants", "the Bentley", "Heaven", "Hell", "Holy Water", "Hellfire", "the Eagle Lectern", "the Wrestling Angels", "the Convent", "the M25", "love", "friendship", "imagination", "miracles" and I'm sure I've forgotten something.

Try "lol" or "OMG I'm wheezing" for funny things, and "oops it's sad" for posts that happened to catch the angst and depression train.

As they tend to be hard to find, posts with Book!Omens content of any kind are tagged "book omens".

I also have a tag for "wings", because wings are epic. Searching by that will give you lots of cool artwork with beautiful and fluffy angel and demon wings, plus a handful of meta discussion and fic.

Some non-Good Omens tags that sometimes come up are "fanfiction", "writing" (and variances and combinations thereof), "queer" and "ace stuff". But very few things here aren't Good Omens.

I suppose that's it. Happy fighting with the hellsite search and filtering function.

#anon #ask #tags #I suppose this will be my #tags masterpost #hope anyone finds this helpful because it was a lot of work and I'm sure I didn't catch everything #but it's a good guideline #yes I try to keep my hellsite corner organised #it was selfishness I can't find shit myself here otherwise #but if you guys can benefit all the better right?#tumblr #p+a

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psychicmedium14 · 4 years

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Your 2020 September Horoscope

September is the ninth month of the year in the Julian and Gregorian calendars, the third of four months to have a length of 30 days, and the fourth of five months to have a length of less than 31 days. September will reveal all the layers of your multifaceted personality. You’ll be genuinely happy to be absorbed in a new engaging activity. What else will the month bring you?

♈

Aries:

At the end of June, your ruling planet, Mars, entered your sign. This has offered the benefits of enhanced energy, motivation, and drive, not to mention a boosted libido. From September 9 until November 13, Mars takes a break and moves backward. You might feel like a marathon runner, forced to come to a standstill. Progress might feel as if you walk through waist-high, wet concrete. But, until November, you have a chance to assess what or possibly who is worthy of your continued efforts. Try to connect with what's helpful about this need to pause and reflect.

♉

Taurus:

During September, much in your world could be subjected to two things: secrecy and reflection. The two go hand in hand because you could call a personal 'time out' to reflect upon what your efforts are bringing in every area of your world. You could be aware of where results aren't forthcoming or possibly where a particular 'spirit' has 'flown.' Whatever you decide, any action you take will likely be supported with plenty of necessary thought. But be prepared to distance or detach yourself to come up with answers or solutions.

♊

Gemini:

Where friendships or group efforts are concerned, you probably bring a unique brand of energy and enthusiasm that others appreciate. But from the 9th until November 13, you could show less willingness to interact or involve yourself. If you're tired of reaching out to or supporting others, then you could be keen to see who makes an effort for a change. You also have two powerful lunar influences affecting your career, home, and family. A Full Moon on the 2nd could have marked a professional turning point. A New Moon on the 17th offers a new beginning related to your living space or domestic setup.

♋

Cancer:

Since the end of June, Mars has blessed you with increased energy and enthusiasm that you've been able to focus primarily on professional pursuits or career advancement. From the 9th until November 13, Mars goes retrograde. This backward motion could result in you feeling more deflated than elated where career prospects are concerned. You might sense momentum grinds to a halt, or effort hasn't paid off in ways you hoped it would. But regardless of how your professional mojo dips, by November, you'll regain your focus and 'give your all' to what truly inspires you.

♌

Leo:

A backward-moving Mars is a weakened Mars, and you could find your enthusiasm and motivation to pursue an educational or mind-broadening goal diminishes or nosedives. 'Mind-broadening' can cover quite a list, but is primarily associated with anything connected with law, studying, travel or media. But it's your financial picture that could have you punching the air with joy. A Full Moon on September 2 targeted money, income, and monetary gains, as will the New Moon on the 17th. It looks like your patience and diligence have paid off - literally!

♍

Virgo:

September is bound to be a revealing and decisive month. A Full Moon on the 2nd targeted partnerships and commitments. Depending on your personal circumstances, this can mark the start of a new beginning or bring a necessary ending. A New Moon in your sign on the 17th offers a clean slate where a new and improved 'you' is concerned. Self-development and self-improvement could be increasingly important. Finally, with a backward-moving Mars influencing finances, you have a chance to assess your monetary position and make improvements or cuts where they're needed.

♎

Libra:

September is all about taking steps to make you feel better on the inside and outside. A Full Moon on the 2nd and New Moon on the 17th encourage you to take your physical and mental health seriously. It could become clear what changes are needed to your diet and lifestyle to help you to be the best you can be. But a backward-moving Mars from the 9th could reduce your energy and enthusiasm toward a partnership or commitment. From this month until November, you could assess whether the effort you invest is worth continuing to make - or where it's not reciprocated on someone else's part.

♏

Scorpio:

You can certainly shine this month, my Scorpion friend. Venus can help bring pats on the back and praise that you and others know you've earned. The coming weeks offer a chance to showcase and remind others of talents you possess. But support or adoration you receive won't allow time to rest on your laurels. A backward-moving Mars affects your work and service to others. You could feel unsupported or left to your own devices where tasks or projects are concerned. But, by November, you'll be able to shine once again having demonstrated your ability to knuckle down, work under pressure, and persist where others may have given up.

♐

Sagittarius:

September looks set to be about finding a necessary balance between home and family matters and making professional progress. A Full Moon on the 2nd could have brought a domestic matter into the spotlight and possibly require you to assist or support a family member. But it's the New Moon on the 17th that offers a clean slate or a new beginning with a career-related goal. Whether a promotion is on the cards or you decide to branch out on your own, what culminates on or around mid-September will be the result of your faith-driven efforts.

♑

Capricorn:

September is brought to you by two keywords: stability and harmony. With Venus influencing what you own, owe, or share with others from the 6th, money disconnected from your earnings could arrive or indicate that a financial risk taken could come up trumps. But with Mars moving backward from the 9th until November 13, you could find an increasing amount of effort is required to keep things sweet on the home and family fronts. It may be your Capricornian grounding that is needed to keep disruption, delays, and conflicts at bay or at least manageable.

♒

Aquarius:

To say that September has a strong financial slant is an understatement. You had a Full Moon on the 2nd that influenced your income and valuables, and this could have created tension, disruption, or anxiety related to monetary matters. But see what transpires on or around the New Moon on the 17th. This offers a fresh start or clean slate connected with money that you don't earn. This is about windfalls that come from inheritances, grants, rebates, or loans. You could find that any cash-related chaos you experience at the start of the month diminishes from mid-month onwards.

♓

Pisces:

September could have commenced with emotions running high, due to a Full Moon that was in your sign on the 2nd. This could have brought a powerful emotional release that had been building for some time. But in whatever way suppressed feelings or emotions emerge, you can be certain that the experience was healing or cleansing. You also have a backward-moving Mars affecting your income and possibly your confidence in a money-making pursuit. You could decide that what has generated cash in the past requires too much effort now. Use the time between now and mid-November to decide where your income is most likely to reflect your passionate or creative efforts.

#horoscopes #september 2020 #spirituality #zodiac signs #astrology

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lgbt-moonboards-aesthetics · 4 years

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14th June - Pride Month Post (by Corin)

Hi everyone, this is admin. Corin! My pronouns are they/them/theirs, I'm bisexual and nonbinary. I am also intersex, though I don't use this label as often, mostly because of how recent it is that I've come to accept this due to the lack of information on conditions which fall under the intersex umbrella.

I think I'll touch on two lil anecdotes in this post --

I've been both pretty lucky and pretty unlucky in terms of coming out, although I think I'd still consider myself luckier than most.

Growing up in a very Christian family, the internalised biphobia was DEEP, though it mostly came in the form of denial. I was pretty much your typical homophobe until S2 (year 2 of secondary school on scotland/ typically around 12-14 y/o). There was an incident where one of my friends sent me a gay meme about jesus and I went off at them for it. I almost lost them as a friend. Eventually, being a non confrontational person, I apologised. At the time, i dont think i meant it, i was just desperate to not lose them as a friend. And then, that same year, she came out as bi. I went to an all girls school at the time, and I think our year was uncommonly out about it because suddenly at least a third of the year were saying they were bisexual. We made gay jokes during class and in the corridors. There were still bigots, but they weren't very loud. We were louder.

Funnily enough, my long denial phase ended after seeing Age of Ultron in the cinema with that same bi friend I'd had the fight with. Honestly, I think I still have a crush on Wanda from AOU.

It took me a lot longer to figure out I was nonbinary. For a long time, I wasnt aware of the word. I just have this vivid memory of lil me sitting in front of the mirror repeating "I am a girl" over and over again and hoping that it might stick, so I never really had an attachment to being one. I guess it kind of makes it awkward that I went to an all girls school now, and honestly I've kind of put this acknowledgement in a box for later.

ANYWAY, I think in the end, what made me realise, after asking google and various tumblrs a load of questions, that I am nonbinary was simply the fact that *I dont feel like a girl*, and I want to be nonbinary more than I want to be a girl. It seems kinda straightforward, but gender is weird and no experience is the same so it's hard to ask someone "how did you know?" and then apply their answer to yourself.

I finished just my first year of uni, and I'm living as out as I can. Luckily, scotland is one of the more lgbtq+ progressive countries, so my name is Corin on school records, and all my uni friends know me as Corin too. Though it's one of the smaller scottish unis in terms of population, and we're in a small town, the lgbtq+ community there is visible. There are trans people there, there are nonbinary people there, and those who are visibly queer.

I'm still not out to my parents, I'd like to think I will be one day but i dont know.

What im trying to say here is that queer people are there. There are more of us than you might think. Ive been incredibly lucky with being in environments where I knew I wasnt alone, but if you aren't and you can't see anyone, even when you can't see others in the community we're still there. Prioritize your safety, but also remember-- just wait. You'll find a space eventually where you can be authentic to yourself. You can even create a space, if you're lucky, even if it's online, or just one person.

And if you are in a position where it is safe and stable for you to be heard, be loud. Yes, it isnt your job to educate the ignorant, but it's a privilege to be able to help those in our community who cannot be heard our out so that one day they'll be able to live and express themselves as they want. Those people who were loud helped me, are STILL helping me.

I know this is a long ass post so just one last thing:

Even though we cant all gather in one place this year for pride, if you're feeling isolated and like there's no place for you at home or wherever you may be, just remember that even apart we're here. we're queer. and, well, we're always filled with existential fear so the rest of the world better catch up.

Even when you're lonely, you're not alone. and we'll keep reminding you of this. There are people, and there WILL be people for you, just wait.✊🏼🏳️‍🌈

Stay safe, everyone ❤

#lgbt #lgbtq #pride #pride month #trans pride #nonbinary #bisexual #bisexuality #bycorin #internalised biphobia #internalised homophobia #internalised transphobia #religion #gender dysphoria #homophobia #transphobia

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mrfeenysmustache · 4 years

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And I’m Home

An Inuyasha Songfic

Pairing: InuKag

Rating: T

Song: Arms by Christina Perry

Summary: A certain hanyou's internal musings on a certain miko's place in his life, and in his heart. One Shot. Fluff.

Can be found on AO3 here:

~*I never thought that You would be the one to hold my heart*~

Inuyasha walked ahead of the group as they trudged along under the warm sun in search of shards or Naraku or rumors of shards or Naraku. They'd been making steady progress all day, and though the temperature was on the warmer side, there was a nice breeze at their backs that kept them all in good spirits. Even Inuyasha felt himself start to relax, which was rare for the high-strung hanyou. Another breeze kicked up from behind them, carrying Kagome's sweet, soothing scent to his nose. He was alone at the front, so he closed his eyes and breathed in every last trace of that beloved scent, allowing it to settle deep within him and chase out any lingering tension. He felt something soft and fuzzy brush up against his cheek and instantly that tension was back.

‘Shit, I forgot Kirara was hitching a ride.' he thought in a panic. He glanced over to her where she sat on his shoulder, and he could read the amusement in her eyes plain as day. She purred at him and rubbed his cheek again, clearly communicating to him how humorous she found his actions.

"If you want to keep your free ride for the day, you'll shut it. Unless you'd like to go play with the runt some more, he seemed to be having a grand ol' time yankin' on your tails."

Kirara wrapped her tails around her body and hissed at him, then curled up against his neck and closed her eyes for a nap. Inuyasha chuckled at her and reached up scratch her between the ears.

"That's what I thought."

~*But you came around and you knocked me off the ground from the start*~

Inuyasha watched Kagome over the campfire. She was hunched over one of the stupid school books she insisted on dragging everywhere, using the fire to read the words on the pages. The warm, orange light of the flames danced across her skin and shimmered in the locks of her hair that had fallen over her shoulder. He was struck, not for the first time, by how beautiful, how vibrant and bright she was. These were thoughts he was only just now comfortable admitting to himself inside his own mind.

He'd wrestled with these feelings for months, trying to fight them down and deny them. He hoped that if he ignored them enough, if he tried hard enough to chase the little miko sitting before him away, then he could move on with his life like he knew she would do, once this was all over.

She was the most unusual person he'd ever known. From the minute they'd met, she'd gotten under his skin in a way no one else ever had. She had shown no fear or derision toward him, no disgust, she was not horrified by him. She had stomped her foot and raised her voice and challenged him, and the way she looked at him and spoke to him, to him, not at him, intrigued and incensed him. No matter how hard he pushed, she pushed back just as hard. She was from almost another world entirely, so different and untouchable, and so completely annoying in ways he didn't know a person could be. She was the last person he thought he'd end up feeling anything like this for, but there she was, and here he was, and he wasn't sure what to do with it.

Suddenly he found himself staring into her strange blue eyes, the firelight flickering in them and making them glow. He blinked himself out of his daze and she gave him one of her brilliant, blinding smiles before returning her attention to her books.

'Feh,' he thought to himself in disgust. He needed to get himself together. This was not the time or place for such sappy shit, not with Naraku out there. He jumped up into a nearby tree, settled on one of the sturdier branches near the middle, leaned against the trunk, and closed his eyes.

~*I believe that it's easier for you to let me go*~

Realizing that she might have some similar feelings toward him scared him more than just about anything. Now, he might not be as well versed in these types of things as some pervert like Miroku was, but he wasn't as stupid as everyone seemed to think he was. This time he wished he was. Believing that his feelings were one sided, futile, never to go anywhere was safe enough as long as no one else realized it. No one can use a hanyou's feelings against him if they don't know what they are. Especially when those feelings are of the more romantic nature. It was foolish and pointless, nothing could come of it. Feelings between a miko and a hanyou? He had seen how well that had gone the first time he'd tried it.

So as much as it pained him, as good as it made him feel to know that she may look on him with love in spite of his status as a hanyou, he had to keep his distance. She would come to her senses soon enough, she was a smart girl.

~*How many times will you let me change my mind and turn around*~

Inuyasha understood that Kagome needed space after one of his controversial Kikyo visits, so he wasn't surprised when she requested to ride on Kirara instead of with him the next morning. He knew they upset her, and he knew she tried her best to understand. He wasn't sure she ever really could. He owed Kikyo a lot. It was because of him that she was dead, after all. If he'd been smarter, faster, stronger, trusted her more... he glanced over at Kagome, riding behind Sango and Kirara, and felt an increasingly familiar doubt encroaching on those thoughts again.

~*I can't decide if I'll let you save my life or if I'll drown*~

Since they'd gotten closer, he'd had more and more trouble convincing himself that he was the only one to blame for what had happened between he and Kikyo all those years ago. He wasn't sure if that was a good thing. He was sure if he asked Kikyo, she would assure him that it wasn't a good thing. He had begun to suspect that his guilt was the only thing tying him too her. He'd also begun to suspect that she had known that all along. Thinking such things about Kikyo was not normal for him. It made him feel grouchy and uncomfortable, so he did the only thing he knew how to do. He increased his efforts to push Kagome away. One of these days it would work. And if he kept telling himself that, maybe he'd start to believe it, too.

~*I hope that you see right through my walls*~

"Inuyasha, if you want to come with me, you only have to say so. You know you're always welcome."

He stopped and gaped at her, wondering how she always saw through his blustering to what he was really trying to say. He snapped his jaw shut and spun away from her, crossing his arms over his chest.

“FEH! Like I'd want to go stay in your loud, stinky time, wench. I just don't trust that you'll come back on time is all." He felt her fingers close around one of his ears, and his eyes popped open and a blush settled on his cheeks. She giggled as she rubbed the fuzz on the back of his ear before he could shake her hand off. He glared at her, but she simply beamed up at him before continuing her trek to the well.

"Whatever you say Inuyasha, but the offer still stands. You know Mama loves you!"

He watched her walk halfway down the path before huffing and following along behind her.

"Alright wench, I'll come. But only to make sure you don't get distracted from coming back on time like you always do!"

"Of course Inuyasha! What other reason could you possibly have for coming?"

He wasn't sure he liked the way she'd said that, and he pointedly ignored the victorious grin on her face. He simply jumped in the well after her.

~*I'll never let a love get so close*~

Kagome's head rested on his shoulder as she gazed up at the stars. He tried to relax and not be so tense, but he still wasn't used to someone, anyone being so comfortable with him, being so okay with being this close to him. Kagome did this a lot. She would take his hand, rest her head in his shoulder, ride on his back, hug him, link her arm with his... touch his ears. And she did it all with no fear, no shame, no hesitancy. Like she was doing now.

"Isn't it beautiful Inuyasha?"

When he didn't answer, she nudged him with her elbow. He jumped, and her giggle at the startled look on his face tickled his ears.

"Uh... what wench?"

"I said, isn't it beautiful?"

"I guess. Just a bunch of stars."

"There's nothing 'just' about the stars Inuyasha. They're amazing!"

"If you say so."

"Well I do!"

"Bossy wench." He nudged her back, and she giggled again, a light, tinkling sound that settled in his soul and made him feel warm.

*~The world is coming down on me And I can't find a reason to be loved*~

Walking through villages was always a sure fire way to put him in a bad mood. He tried his best to tune out the whispers of the villagers, their derogatory comments and suspicions about him. Most of the time he was able to ignore them. Sometimes he was not.

The sound of his friend's laughter behind him brought him out of his dark introspection. They could never hear what the villagers were saying with their human ears, and he would never tell them.

Before he could spiral too far into more dark thoughts about being alone, Kagome gasped and ran forward. She grabbed him by the arm and tugged him forward. He followed her the short distance to the edge of the village, then up the small hill just on the outskirts. She stopped when she reached the top and pointed out toward the unbroken view of the sunset they now had.

"Oh Inuyasha. Isn't it beautiful?!"

She wrapped her fingers around his upper arm and leaned her head against his shoulder. He looked down at her, took in her soft smile as she gazed out over the setting sun, heard her soft, content sigh. He laid his own head down on top of hers.

"Yeah. Beautiful."

~*I never wanna leave you But I can't make you bleed if I'm alone*~

Inuyasha watched over Kagome as she dipped her feet in the cool water of a nearby stream. She lifted her feet out and wiggled her toes, and he fought not to growl at the red, blistered skin covering them. She glanced back at him and her brow furrowed, no doubt concerned by the look on his face that betrayed all of his guilt and worry. She cleared her throat to grab his attention, and then smiled reassuringly at him, patting the grass beside her.

"Why don't you stick your feet in, Inuyasha? The water feels lovely!"

He said nothing, just continued to glare at the distorted image of her feet through the trickling stream water.

"Oh don't be such a grump. They're fine, see?" She lifted her feet and wiggled her toes again, smiling brightly in an effort to convince him. She dropped her feet back down and the water splashed around them.

“Mama took me straight to the healers in my time, and I was given very effective herbs to treat them. I've been taking very good care of them, and Kaede has been helping me change the bandages everyday. You should be proud!"

He looked up at her then, unable to hide the pained look in his eyes and she gasped. As usual, she knew what he was saying without him even needing to say it. He would always be thankful for that little power of hers.

“Inuyasha, this is not your fault. I wanted to stand with you in that oni's stomach. Whether you wanted me there or not. I told you I'd always be by your side, didn't I? I'm happiest when I'm with you. Even if that means burning my feet in an oni's gut juice, so drop it."

He felt a reluctant smile stretch across his face, and her own answering smile practically sparkled. She lifted one of her feet and flicked the water droplets on it at him. One landed on his nose, and he crossed his eyes to see it. He growled low in his chest, and his smile became predatory.

"You'll pay for that wench."

She stood up and squealed before dashing off down the edge of the stream. Inuyasha leapt after her, and Kagome giggled as she avoided his grasp. Her shriek as he tossed her in the stream was heard all the way back in the village.

~*And I've never opened up, I've never truly loved 'till you put your arms around me*~

Saying goodbye to Kikyo proved to be both harder and easier than he'd thought it would be. Harder, because she wasn't simply finding peace on her own. Naraku had gotten his hands on her again, and he hadn't been able to save her from him. Again.

Easier because of the young woman who was with him now. He'd learned a lot about himself because of her. Most importantly, was that he was not the monster most believed him to be. And he was not at fault for what had transpired fifty years ago with Kikyo. It was her love and belief in him that had allowed him to see and accept that. It was then that he was able to move on, and actually hope for a life and future that didn't find him completely alone... or in hell.

Watching her now, as she spared him a sweet smile while listening to Shippo explain his latest crayon drawing, he allowed himself the hope that maybe a certain someone else might be a part of that future.

~*You put your arms around me and I'm home*~

Pulling Kagome out of that well after being without her for three long years was a moment Inuyasha would never forget. Ever. The sight and smell of her, the feel of her in his arms burst back into vivid reality, so sharp and tangible and right there so suddenly that his head spun. He had not forgotten one single detail about her, but he found that his memories, no matter how complete, paled in comparison.

“Inuyasha, were you waiting for me?"

'Yes.' He wanted to say. 'Always.' There were a hundred other heartfelt things he wanted to say, so many sweet words that she deserved to hear. But this was him after all, so when he opened his mouth, what came out wasn't exactly what you would call poetry.

“You idiot, what have you been up too?"

Well. He'd certainly been less eloquent before. He'd work on it.

When Sango and Miroku reached the end of the well path, he couldn't find it in himself to be embarrassed that Kagome lingered in his arms, and he took all of Miroku's good natured teasing over the course of the rest of the day with a smile. Having her with him again, being surrounded by her scent and her light and her presence, he had never felt so at peace, so content.

So at home.

~*You put your arms around me and I'm home*~

#inuyasha #inuyasha fanfiction #kagome #kagome higurashi #inukag fanfiction #inukag #inuyasha songfic

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hoopdiddies · 5 years

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I'm Not Over You // Ben Hardy x Reader (Part 7)

A/N: This is probably the longest I've written in this series. Again guys, thank you for the support, your comments and likes mean so much! My tag list is always open so feel free to ask. And on a slightly heavy note: the next chapter could be really angsty. Just a heads up right there uwu

Summary: You had always loved Ben ever since you two met in university and became the best of friends. That feeling went out like a candle flame when the two of you parted ways until he re-entered your life...but this time with someone who has already occupied his heart.

Warnings: Angst, slight drinking, slight swearing, (yeah the fluff is still present)

W/C: 5k-ish

Tags: @haendel-me-with-care

@mrsdoradominguez-barnes

@mickmoon

@lakef

@mrsmazzello

@valeriecarolinaw

@queen-turtle-boiii

Edited// I forgot to link the previous parts

Parts: 6 5 4 3 2 1

(Got the pic from Pinterest hhh-)

Storing the luggage bag you've purchased for a fair price in the spare room, you come across a small box of sundries tucked in one corner with cobwebs clinging to the sides. Your eyes light up with curiosity spiking within you, you pick it up and dust the webs off, blowing the particles away from the top. You squat on the floor and open the flaps, discovering small yet familiar items that had been lost in time– one of them being a sepia-toned polaroid of you and Ben posing dramatically with hilarious doodles drawn on your faces. You forgot about this, feeling a little guilty that you had hidden it away in a drafty box without remembering doing anything of the sort. You flip the picture over and spot a date and an unfinished sentence written in faded ink on the bottom left part. This was taken on Homecoming night.

'I'm not going-' it says, clearly discontinued next to the date. Silly to think that the picture somehow represents a puzzle piece torn away from its board.

You were bound to graduate the week after and barely a day after, not see each other for several years due to your career paths and post-college choices.

You pull on the hem of your shirt, clearing the picture of dust and any more impurities, finally fitting it into your back pocket to finally treasure it the way it was always meant to be treasured.

The door clicks as you bring it close, your eyes gluing themselves at the hardwood floor seconds to having self-pity billow over you at how quickly your tears surface in the corner of your eyes from the memory of Ben spinning Rosy around - the exact way he did with you -and kissing her like she's a pouch full of life.

You clamp down on your bottom lip, trying your hardest not to stain your cheeks with your pooling tears. "Jeez, you just-" you pace back and forth in frustration, balling your fists as you gesticulate lazily, "you just don't get it, Y/N! Ugh, you're so- fuck, just get over it..." Knowing your harsh soliloquy would be getting you nowhere, you snarl strongly at yourself and roughly wipe your tears away with the back of your hand.

"He loves Rosy. F-freaking deal with it!" The reminder takes a hiss from your quivering lips for it to sink in; you have your own place in his life– a place behind the line you'd drawn in the years prior. The friend zone couldn't be any more hollow and cold than it already is.

And a polaroid pic is the only remnant left of how inseparable you and Ben were in the early days.

At the same time you're feeling your heart tear itself apart, Ben pulls out a picture - similar to what you've found - from the inner pocket of his old varsity jacket in the middle of rummaging through his wardrobe. He leaves his room in his pajamas and tosses himself on the couch next to a sleeping Frankie, softly apologizing to the little beagle for disturbing her cat-like nap. As he cuddles Frankie close, he scrutinizes the picture and it's also from Homecoming, but in it both of you are beaming widely with your arms slung around one another– the doodles ever-so-present on your faces. Behind it, the date and the continuation of the trailed-off sentence written at the back of your share of the memory.

'-anywhere at all.'- it ends in Ben's part of the duality. He grins fondly at the long lost picture, feeling twice as guilty for not keeping it safe and...close to his heart, just as he had promised you that night.

- - - - - - - -

In the convenience of Lucy needing some company to shop with for awards season just as she had returned from her get-away with Rami, she drags you along happily, having to pass through you insisting that you stay at home and study but purposefully ending up under her mercy anyway. You couldn't say no to her, she's basically your sparkly, glam counterpart and you're in need of her life-altering sparkles as of now. Especially since you're going to be tagging along with them, mainly as Joe's date cause you know, you're his 'girlfriend' and all.

You're at the mall, in a stylish boutique full of lines of voguish clothing and shoes that could span miles if not compressed together. For once in the hours you've spent scampering around the mall with Lucy to hoard dresses, skin products and make up, you admit that this is the most aesthetically pleasing space in the entire building.

You traipse along a section with black dresses fashioned into different forms, silently praying that what you have with you will amount to at least one of the varying prices.

Lucy's on the opposite side, ogling at the most colorful section in the boutique for a piece to wear. She peers over at you to make sure you've chosen your 'fighter'. A few swishes of the dresses lined up and you do, holding it up high to evaluate the appropriateness.

It's a sleeveless, halter neck satin that's just a few inches above the knee. Utterly backless but it ends right up the small of your back. The fabric is stretchy enough to move around and breathe in as it simultaneously hugs your shape. You love it but gulp as you prepare yourself for the price. Flipping the tag over, you suddenly wish you could let out the biggest, girlish squeal the human race has ever heard with how surprisingly affordable it is.

"Finally picked out yours?" Lucy pokes her head up playfully and you nod, quite speechless but giddy. She makes a grabby hand at your dress to examine it for herself.

Well she's the fashion guru so why not? You hand her the dress and as she trails her eyes from top to bottom, her mouth falls at the simple yet elegant details. "This is perfect! I highly doubt that it's not going to catch every exposed eye present at the event."

Your flush profusely at her comment. "Thanks but I'll be bringing a coat with me."

That triggered her, but of course you're only teasing. "You better effing not." She warns you and you chuckle, taking the dress from her and evenly brushing the skirt.

"I won't, you can sleep soundly tonight."

You assure her of the possibility. As you exit the boutique with a few bags you're not used to holding, Lucy takes out her phone and gasps, her face contorting with a little disbelief. "Uh oh, this might ruin your mood." She hands you the phone and you gape at her confusingly before taking a quick look.

Ben's posted some updates on his wedding preparations, shockingly tagging you, Joe, Gwil and Lucy in one photo. He's pretty busy alright; unable to text or call you for days but miraculously tagging you out of nowhere.

You come to disregard it until you notice one minute but important detail hidden in plain sight in all of his posts– there isn't a single one with him and Rosy together alone. None of such as well on his new ones.

The only post he's had with a close girl is the one with you, which is at the very bottom of his Instagram feed. You won't admit it but it warms your heart a little. Actually, a whole lot despite wondering why there's none of him and his fiancee. You hand Lucy her phone back and tilt your head to one side, suddenly finding the eagerness to go on shopping. "Let's go."

The following week comes as a radial blur contrasted to the slightly moderate one you just woke up from; your manager phoning you up to take the earliest shift you've had in years at the expense of your allotted time to rest, the heavy workload and rush hours in the upcoming hours followed by the slowest progress of filing your travel documents and visa needed for your departure on the 26th. You've got tons of missed calls from your parents and Joe, who's requested for you to pack up early since you'll be leaving for LA with Lucy on the day of the awards but earlier.

Also noting that you still need to double check the costs for flying to LA and back, ruling out the one exclusive for your flight on the 26th.

For mere days you feel as if you could lose your sanity as your life spirals into madness with everything you're required to do– whether or not you're obliged to do it.

But they are effective distractions for that problem you are still very much preoccupied with. That's a matter noteworthy of later discussion. Amidst all the chaos happening, part of you wishes for Ben to reply to your messages or even talk to you in the slightest. You never bothered to call this week since he's tied up but the least he could do is let you know how he's doing, if he's thinking of you once in a thousand passing seconds.

You give up for a day waiting on him and drown yourself in work.

- - - - - - -

Securing your phone between your tilted head and your shoulder as you indulge in your talk with Joe through the line, you crouch and zip your luggage bag close. Your eyes fixating themselves on two, separate luggage bags for two, separate travels.

"Was that all of it?" Joe's disembodied voice asks. You spring up and take your phone between your fingers. "Pretty much. I better have a kick out of something by the time we touchdown tomorrow– it's my first visit to the US." You inform him, leaping into your bed and landing comfortably.

He chortles softly and ensures you. "I know and you can be sure to expect a good par- ow! Bad kitty!" His smooth transition to a yelp amuses you for split second.

"Are you alright? "

"No. I'm finally feline food to my kid." He refers to his pet cat that has taken a small nibble on his finger, in which Joe returns with a light ruffle to its fur. You can't help but giggle heartily at him.

"Anyway, I'm picking you and Lucy up from LAX tomorrow." He gives you that heads up and you bring your hand up to your forehead. "Where will we be staying?"

"I've booked a hotel earlier so you've got nothing to worry about the moment you land." A faint crunch can be heard from your end and you mind to ask Joe about it. "Are you- are you eating?"

To answer your question, he bites down on his food sloppily and guarantees you of what you heard. You smack your lips together as your eyes narrow in bewilderment.

"Does that answer your question?"

"Sometimes you make it easier for me to hit you with a pillow."

"Is that how you treat your boyfriend?" He taunts at you and cackles, his distorted voice bouncing off of the walls of your room. You sigh, defeated by the fact that this charade is still going on. It's silly and immature yet you and Joe somehow managed to stick to the act.

"Speaking of boyfriend though– would he be furious if I told him that I couldn't be there on his wedding day?" Since you're rested and got nothing else to distract you, you pop the question to Joe.

"Ben?"

You hum softly.

"There are two scenarios that we need to consider," on his end, Joe taps his finger on his lips as he thinks of said scenarios, "Best case scenario- he would get discouraged and slightly unmotivated, and obviously sad, but he'd still support you cause that's your dream."

You sit up and twirl the ends of your hair around your finger, swallowing. "And worst case scenario?"

Joe falls silent before exhaling harshly. "You'd crush his soul, heart, everything ranging from physical to spiritual and it would take a toll– and I mean a substantial toll on your friendship."

"Joe, don't make it sound like a prospect! "

"That is, " he adds strongly, "if he finds out that you had meant for him to be oblivious to it." And he's right. But you had a reason. You still do. Even if you do end up telling him and he supports you, you need a great deal of space to move on.

As long as he's committed to Rosy and you're in the sidelines still in love with him, it's just something toxic. You couldn't love anybody they way you do Ben and you feel like you'll never love someone like him ever again. Albeit how clueless he is sometimes and clumsy, you both had survived every storm and wave. So sticking around to witness him give his hand and heart to someone else is torture for you.

"I'm gonna be direct and say-" just as you begin talking, your phone shrills to another caller, cutting you off from Joe.

One look at the screen and your heart begins racing. Speak of the devil. You reserve an explanation for cutting off and answer Ben, clearing your throat. "You're late."

Ben's gruff chuckle welcomes you back. "I know, I'm so sorry. Busiest week I've had and the lady at Starbucks signed my cup like a snail."

"What are you doing tonight that requires coffee?"

"Call me dramatic- or do so, given that I'm an actor- but I just want to stargaze right now." You hear a light rustle coming from his end, like he's seated out on his lawn.

Silently giving him the 'oh really' look, you spread one side of the curtain to let some moon light in. "Ben, you're leaving early tomorrow."

He hums, seemingly enjoying himself. "But that's not an excuse to not enjoy the night." This boy can not get any cornier. You cast your gaze upon the moon, sighing profoundly. "How did the wedding planning go? Good?"

"Hm, yeah. Church wedding, big reception. Whole lot of booze binging planned out. And a killer bachelor party the day after the awards. " He jokes through the line and you tell him off in a playful chide. "Benjamin Jones, you better-"

"I won't. I won't." You sense his gentle smile from your end, checking the time and reluctantly coming to the decision to hit the hay since you'll be leaving early as well. As much as you want to recreate those late night conversations you once had with him, you can't.

"Hey?" You coo somehow.

"Yeah?"

"I gotta sleep. I have to meet Lucy at the airport at 5."

He gives out a throaty grunt as if he's pulling himself up. "Tragic. I'll see you in LA then, love."

Your lips curl up into the gentlest smile with the moonlight blessing it from the window. "You too. Tell yourself and the rest- especially Brian and Roger- that I'm gonna be rooting for you guys to get up on that stage."

"I will. Thanks for the motivation, Y/N. All the words coming from you just mean so much to me. To all of us." And in his voice, you can hear his utmost sincerity and fondness just highlighting his tone.

"Anytime. Now let me sleep, you bloke. "

"Haha, alright. Love you tons, love."

Shifting your eyes to the sky once more, you reply, allowing the words you're about to say to mean more.

"I love you too, Ben. Good night."

- - - - - - -

24th

You had promised Lucy you'd arrive 10 minutes earlier than her and you really didn't hold on to that promise. As soon as you arrive at the airport nearly bathing in sweat and deaf from the multiple rings Lucy has given you, you both take off to the waiting area with your heavy luggage where you spend an hour and a half waiting for your flight to board. Joe has sent two texts telling you that he's still in the middle of having coffee and it's a questionable action since he's 8 hours behind you and is expected to be asleep by now.

You reply with a simple, "See you there" before heeding to the call of your flight number from the speakers.

All the rushing and you haven't had a bite of breakfast yet. An eleven hour flight doesn't sound so bad, as long as you make sure you don't reel everytime you get up to use the bathroom and acquire jet lag the moment you land from a direct flight without any pit stops. The flight is long as you are awake but by the time you fall asleep in between hours, it shortens the duration. The pilot announcing your arrival wakes you and Lucy from the latest nap you've had on the plane. After gathering your luggage and answering a couple of phone calls on you way down the plane, the arrival area is where you spy Joe behind the red tapes, a scarf around his neck and an eager look plastered on his pale skin, just waiting for you and Lucy to step in. His eyes crinkle as he sees you both treading towards him with a handful of luggage. He greets you both with a tight hug and ushers you to his car, assisting with the transport of your things.

He's booked you in the hotel he's staying in to, of course, avoid some minor inconveniences especially since the awards start at 7 pm and you drastically need Lucy to help you prepare. Upon reaching the hotel, he leads the both of you up the second floor and into the hall for your rooms.

Apparently you and Lucy will be sharing which is the great and Joe will be staying in the room right across yours.

After giving yourselves a brief tour of the room, you settle in and unpack your essentials.

"Y/N, bring out your fighter!" Lucy declares with a giggle, pulling the dress she's chosen from her suitcase. It's a purple, off-the-shoulder, crepe satin and black velvet gown that cascades gracefully against the stable air.

Your eyes widen in awe at how it looks against the light. "No need for a match, Luce. You win," you raise your hands up in surrender, "that's- that's catching more eyes. From Rami of course."

"Oh shut it. You'll look smooth in black." She clicks her tongue and smoothens it at the edge of the bed. You whip out yours and hold it up high, wavering a little at how you'll look like in it tonight. How fortunate you were to find 3-inch, black pumps closeted when you were 'panic packing' the night before. You take it out from your suitcase and set it aside before striding towards the blinds, pulling it up and beholding the breathtaking view of Hollywood before you.

Your first visit to the US and you're already headed to the Oscars. This isn't the real life. This is just fantasy.

- - - - - - - -

"We're having a dinner party afterwards, I don't see any reason for two sandwiches before the ceremony." Staring blankly at how Joe's handling waiting for you and Lucy to emerge from your room, Rami purses his lips quizzically– he's come by to pick up his girl as well. The two men look dashingly handsome in their black tuxes and slick hairstyles– their individual charm strong as they highly anticipate for your appearances.

Joe swallows the chunk in his mouth before speaking. "I'm stressed."

"About what?"

He bites down on his last sandwich, dusting his hands off crumbs as he reasons out. "It's the Oscars. Biggest ceremony of the year."

With a shake of his head, Rami opens his mouth to protest but pauses as the creak of the door behind them butts in their conversation. Lucy - exquisite in her cascading satin gown and look dotted in light to moderate make up - emerges with her purse in hand and eyes heady on Rami.

Joe wishes he could loosen some hinges in Rami's jaw since the latter has got his mouth agape at her girlfriend's evening look. To him, she is his ultimate award and he wouldn't have it in any other way.

"Hey, babe." Lucy smiles delicately and kisses Rami's cheek, to which he responds with a breathless, "Luce, you look..." His starstruck silence finishing his compliment for her. Joe hums, agreeing with crossed arms. "I wish I was as pretty as you, Boynton."

"You boys look handsome, too." Lucy giggles softly and Joe begins to wonder. "Where's Y/N?"

"She'll be out in three...two..." As Lucy deliberately pauses her countdown, you come out of the room, head down as you feel a bit hesitant to continue but you regain your confidence and look up timidly– your appearance putting Joe in the same position Rami was just in with Lucy. The dress really agrees to your form, contouring every curve of your body in a semi-sensual way, guaranteeing that you'll be snagging some looks tonight. Your (H/C) hair frames your face intricately with your light make-up emphasizing the color of your eyes and lips. The light brush of air against the skin of your exposed back makes you clutch your purse tighter, deeming it uncomfortable.

Lucy smiles proudly at her work and that is you. "Well, how does she look Joe?"

Joe lets out a hitched exhale, hazel eyes wide as a sinkhole and a slacked jaw struggling to budge. "Like my girlfriend."

"You wish." You can't help but retort playfully and he brings his finger up to his lips, hushing you. Rami compliments you as well and you thank him as the four of you make your way to the elevator– your arm on Joe's and Lucy's on Rami's.

You've taken a limo for the sake of convenience, since Joe and Rami wanted to propose a pre-toast - with the champagne present in the vehicle - to their successes and hard work in the past year. You have faith they'd bring home an Oscar; considering how spectacular their work was portraying the members of Queen. You're also thrilled that you're about to meet Brian and Roger.

The limo parks just across Dolby Theatre and the four of you climb out, making your way arms-in-arms into the place crowded with paparazzi and attendees. You see yourself as a small fish swimming in a sea full of majestic dolphins. This is the big leagues right here and you're not even one bit of a celebrity– at least you feel like you aren't one. After a couple of shoulder brushes with either familiar and unfamiliar faces and escaping the blinding flashes of the cameras, the four of you reunite with Gwilym who has Roger and Brian present by his side. You are introduced to the two Queen members by Joe and you couldn't be any more happier to meet them in person. A couple of moments of interacting with the rest of the crew and cast, Ben joins the 'party' looking sharp and admittedly drop-dead gorgeous in his white tuxedo blazer and slicked back hair with Rosy by his side.

Before he could even reply to the greetings of his friends, he lays his eyes on you and for a while– his pupils dilate and his expression flits faster than he can command it to. He can't believe what or who he is seeing before him amidst all the glam. Letting go of Rosy's hand for a minute, he steps close to you, indescribably captivated. "Y/N...h-hey."

You keep your composure, musing back. "Hey. You look left out, outfit-wise, and a like a million bucks."

It takes him nearly five seconds to reply with the way hes has his eyes transfixed on you. It's like he's seeing you for the first time. Your evening look setting him back to Homecoming night and something inside him just tweaks. You avoid his mindless gaze and break the silence, trying your hardest not to flush. "Ben, please talk. It's just really-"

"You look...beautiful." He breathes out like he had just gotten up from under water.

#queen #borhap #ben hardy #ben hardy imagine #ben hardy x reader #borhap cast #borhap cast x reader #borhap imagine #joe mazzello #ben hardy fanfic #imagine #fanfic

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sunset-spring · 5 years

Note

Hey, I'm kind of scared to ask you this, but I wanted to know what you thought of the epilogue in Season 8. I'm terrified of what you'll say, but you seem to be a very logical and clear-headed thinker, so I am kind of curious. If the answer isn't good, then please respond privately. Thank you.

It’s ok, I’m not gonna lie I’m nervous about a lot of questions related to season 8 just because so many people have such hard line stances and opinions on it. I have a lot of the same fear talking about it for the same reasons I’m sure you were scared of even asking. Whether you like or dislike s8 or like it, it’s not a big deal to me - no judgement either way. Opinions are varied and everyone has their own reasons for either.

On to the actual epilogue, some context I wanna give is that I had seen spoilers for the season even though I couldn’t watch it til a few days later. I had a prior family thing and I was stressed and I went to tumblr on my phone to look at some art to keep me calm. So I saw a lot of reactions to the season as a whole, but I couldn’t tell what reactions were genuine problems or what were over dramatized hate when I didn’t have full context.

So when I watched the season, the expectations I went in with were “there might be some things that I’m not going to enjoy, and some that are overblown.” And when I watched it… that was pretty much what I got. There were definitely some problems, but there was also a lot that I think was made out to be way worse than I personally found them to be.

The epilogue itself gets a lot of weight and importance put on it. And personally I wonder if it’s in part because it was leaked before the season aired. When I watched it, I felt very neutral to it. No super strong feelings either way, mostly just “oh, that makes sense for this character, but this doesn’t work very well and is not a great fit.”

Which I guess is a segue to talk about the individual bits in detail. This is going to be long and I’ll do my best to organize it for ease of reading, but I want to go into all my thoughts and logic as best I can and that might result in a bit of a lengthy read, so if it gets a bit ramble-y and confusing, I apologize:

Pidge and Hunk ended up in a place that I felt was very natural for both of them.

Pidge using her passion for technology to help defend the universe alongside her family was something that felt like it was true to her personality and something that’s a very good world-building aspect for what would happen after the story took place. The concept was something I interested in all the way back in season 3, and is part of what inspired my cadet squad AU initially. So seeing that happen didn’t feel out of place to me.

Hunk as well had always had his passion for cooking as a big part of his character. Seeing him become a chef and using that passion in a way to bring cultures together is a really good and is very in line with his character. We’ve seen him using that skill in other meetings, such as in season 3, and the way he uses cooking to bring people together is a big thing in the final season, as well as for his character overall. Space Mall is another good example, because while it’s mostly for fun and antics it also showed Hunk connecting and changing Sal for the better.

Keith, Acxa, Ezor and Zethrid slowly turning the Blade into a humanitarian organization is something I’m a bit neutral on. On the one hand, seeing them come together to change a rebellion group that was no longer necessarily needed into an organization to help others has logic to it, and is a very good thing for them to do. But I’m not sure how I feel about it based on their characters and arcs:

We didn’t get a lot of time to get in depth with Acxa, Ezor and Zethrid, so the grounding for them is a bit iffy. I can sort of see it since they were in a sort of similar position as Lotor’s generals as that Blade of Marmora is in terms of role: a rebel group that is based on taking down the old empire. And due to what we know of their backgrounds, they were people who were in an “us vs them” mentality based on how they were treated. The conflict of Ezor and Zethrid as warlords vs Acxa who chose to go on a separate path was supposed to show how the damage of that mindset could escalate into something harmful, even with people who had genuine reason to have it - I think that could even be applied to Lotor at least to some degree with how he broke down in season 6.

I personally think Ezor is probably the best example of this based on her personality, specifically in season 7. We see the fear she has over being hurt and tracked down by others, and then we see her taking joy in the concept of hurting others who she has power over. Because of that fear, whenever she has security and power, she uses it in a very sadistic and spiteful way. That trait is a very natural thing that can occur in situations like her own, and is very understandable. But it’s also very damaging to herself and others.

So having them shift from a mindset of hurting others in order to protect themselves to helping others on a personal level isn’t a bad road to take; in fact it’s one that I think works really well. But because we didn’t get a lot of time to explore their characters more in depth and get to see that transition, I don’t think it works for just a single shot epilogue sequence. It would’ve worked better as it’s own plotline, but with how much already going on and a limited number of episodes to work with I have no idea where they’d fit it.

Meanwhile for Keith, while he has a basis for being in the Blade already, I don’t really see a strong foundation outside of that. And I think for me, the reason it didn’t have that grounding was because we didn’t get as much with Keith outside of his familial arc with discovering his heritage and mother. That was his sole character focus outside of becoming a leader and Black Paladin, and his arc with becoming a leader was sadly sidelined in season 4 for the other. Which I can understand from a character perspective too - his heritage was an important thing he needed to connect to and understand. But as a result the other sadly didn’t have as much to go on.

And I think that’s why this was his spot, because had he gotten more development in terms of leadership, I think he would’ve been in that Galactic Coalition leader spot with Krolia and Kolivan. Because with the scene of him with the two of them prior to the feast in the final episode, I feel like that’s where the story wanted him to be, but they also knew that they couldn’t get him there and make it seem earned. So him being the leader of the Blades as a new humanitarian organization feels like a compromise of that. He’s in a leadership position, but not on as big of a scale as the coalition. Which isn’t necessarily that bad, it’s working with what they had to try to get a good medium of what they wanted and what could be done. But it leaves it feeling a bit lacking in terms of personal motivation for Keith. It doesn’t scream “this is Keith making a choice and committing to a cause,” it feels much more like a structured narrative decision rather than an in universe motive for the character.

The final two are the ones I’m most nervous about talking about, because they get the most strong reactions from others. But I’m going to do my best to explain my thoughts.

I can see some of the logic in Lance’s end, but I ultimately think it didn’t convey the message they wanted with his arc very well and as a result ended up with some bad implications.

One of the things with Lance’s arc is that he starts off being a character who talks himself up a lot. He plays himself off as someone really awesome and cool, is very flirtatious, etc. As he continued to progress, we started seeing some of his insecurities. Season 2 introduced the fact that he was worried about not contributing to the team in a way that was substantial, and in season 6 while Pidge and Hunk did their tech and Lotor and Allura were working on the Sincline ship, he was left with little to nothing to do.

Even with those insecurities, though, the way he responded to them was to actively take steps to improve himself. He doesn’t feel like he has a thing? He trains himself in a specific skill: Sharpshooting. Upset that Allura has chosen to be with another guy? He talks himself through it using the mice as a way to communicate what he’s feeling.

And I want to draw attention to what I feel are some of his biggest defining character development moments. In season 3, when he accepts Keith as the leader, when he talks to him on Thayserix, and when he talks up Allura in season 4 as the heart of Voltron. Moments where he builds others up. And Allura multiple times has talked about those moments with Lance. And her talking about him drove what I believe is his actual character arc, based on those insecurities and the way he plays himself up.

He is enough as who he is. He isn’t contributing any less by not having a niche like Pidge or Hunk, he isn’t supposed to be a grand hero who gets all the glory. He’s Lance, and he’s enough as he is. It’s that simple.

But the way they choose to show that simplicity in the epilogue is… not the best. They set it up a little with the farm scene in season 4, but overall the choice to make his simple life be living as a farmer has a lot of bad implications based on stereotypes. Which is why so many people have such negative feelings towards it, which is totally understandable and completely valid.

The idea of him settling in a more simple lifestyle isn’t something I’m apposed to, but I believe that choosing that instead of another type of occupation or lifestyle is a very poor choice, and as a result doesn’t convey his arc well or in a positive light. Which is unfortunate, because I really think that arc is good otherwise.

As for Shiro’s, there’s a lot going on with it and a lot of factors that play into it, which makes it difficult to talk about.

The marriage is, I believe, a small step in terms of representation, as it’s the first time in western cartoons that a mlm wedding has appeared. But I also admit that because of it being such a small scene with no build up and no relationship to build it up, that it is very flawed. Others have talked about their distaste for it and I understand why, and I also understand those who enjoy it for being there at all. There are also aspects like his retirement that people aren’t fond of, and that’s understandable too, but that’s where I have my own feelings to talk about personally.

The events of season 7 with Shiro and Adam upset a lot of people, and I myself wasn’t that fond of it. I didn’t feel as strongly as others, but the trope of “Bury Your Gays” is something that has been in media for a long time with a long history. So being upset by it is absolutely valid. The reason I personally didn’t feel as strongly as others was because Shiro, a main character who has fought and survived through the show, was still there, and still a gay man on screen whether he was in a relationship or not.

The on screen break up I personally didn’t have a problem with either due to the fact that I have personally seen a lot of framing of relationships with abuse and unhealthy dynamics as “straight culture” and gay relationships as inherently free of those types of scenarios. I personally identify as asexual or questioning, but know I’m at least not straight from my own self reflection. And seeing this kind of mentality is very harmful and something I wish would stop because it pushes people within the community to stay in relationships that might potentially be dangerous based on pressure that such dynamics are impossible to occur within a wlw/mlm relationship. There’s also a factor of validity of orientations being erased due to relationship status, such as many people who identify as bisexual having their identity erased by others while being in a m/f relationship, which is also harmful. While having a healthy and thriving mlm relationship on screen would have been great and a very good thing, I don’t believe the break up itself is a terrible choice because it shows that relationship status take away from someone’s identity.

Not only that, but Adam was not the only character within the show to die on screen, so it was not as if the fact that he was gay was a deliberate target on his back in context. Ulaz, Thace, and many other characters have had on screen deaths from seasons 2-7 before Adam. But as I said, the history behind the trope of “Bury Your Gays” does make Adam’s death sting in a much more personal way for a lot of people, which again is a very valid feeling that I don’t want to brush off.

So with all that in mind, when the epilogue came and showed Shiro marrying Curtis, that leads to some flaws. Namely the fact that the relationship with Curtis is non-existent, and Curtis himself doesn’t really have much of a character to speak of. The marriage itself is good in the sense that it showed a gay marriage on screen, thus opening the door for other shows to do the same.

But in the context of showing a relationship, there was no relationship to be shown. And if Shiro and Curtis had developed a relationship over the course of the season, it would have been much better for both the story and characters, as well as for showing representation for the LGBT community. Without that, it feels like a last minute addition, which it admittedly was, instead of a genuine show of love and wanting to include a mlm couple. Which in the end, while good intended, it leaves it heavily flawed. Which no hate to anyone who enjoyed it for what it was either. I can genuinely see reasons on both sides why someone would dislike or enjoy it. Personally, the flaws outweighed some of the good for me and keeps me from enjoying it.

As for his retirement, this is where I get far more subjective and into how I personally relate to Shiro, which I know others may disagree with because this is very personal to me specifically I admit.

When I first started watching Voltron, Shiro was my favorite character. He’s still up there among my faves even with Lotor swooping in after season 3. I loved Shiro’s personality; strong willed leader, open and still fun with the other paladins while still stern when he needed to be. The reason the fan name of Space Dad stuck was very obvious. He was put through hell, continued fighting and came out of it still kicking. And he still had that fun and supportive nature for others as he continued to keep going.

A lot of people focus on him as mlm representation now, but he’s also representation for those with PTSD. And that’s where I started with him.

The reason I like Shiro so much is because he reminds me - to an uncanny degree - of my older brother.

He’s helped raise me my whole life, he taught me how to draw, and he still does so much to support me to this day. And in order to get help paying his student loans, he went into the military and was stationed in Iraq for a short time. He’s back now, and he’s totally fine! And I know many people have opinions on such wars and military, and I agree, trust me.

And that’s why I don’t have a problem with Shiro’s retirement. After everything he’s been through, while him being a hero is great, I also feel like him stepping back, even if it’s in like a Miyazaki back-in-a-few-years way, is a good thing to show as healthy. Him retiring doesn’t mean he’s not allowed to be a hero, because in the context of the story in hindsight, he has always been gay and has always been a hero. And retiring doesn’t mean he never was, or has stopped being a hero.

At least to me, but again, this is a very personal opinion and I absolutely understand why people would disagree. But these are just my feelings on the matter.

That was a very, very, VERY long explanation of my feelings on the epilogue as a whole. I’m pretty sure this is the longest post I’ve ever written.

But hopefully this has done a good job of explaining my feelings on the epilogue. I’m not really sure how I’d compress it all into a tl;dr, just because there was so much to talk about, so apologies for those who can’t sit and read it all at once. But overall, I was very neutral to it all things considered.

But thank you @thenorthernphoenix for asking this! I’ve been sitting with these thoughts for a while in my head being nervous about putting them out there, but this helped me really collect them all and hopefully articulate it in a good way.

And again, if you liked the epilogue, more power to you, and if you didn’t more power to you. Everybody’s different with their own feelings on the matter.

#voltron #voltron legendary defender #vld spoilers #vld s8 #vld epilogue #long post #read more #thenorthernphoenix #answered asks #Q&A Fridays

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lunaofthevalley · 6 years

Text

The Little Mermaid of Manhattan |||

Peter Parker x Reader

Plot: Peter is saved by a Myster girl one day at the park, and he will stop at nothing to find her.

Note: If you'd like to be tagged comment down below or send me an ask. Also I'm opening up requests for imagines and Ships, if anyone is interested in that💜

For the past week, Life decided it would deal Y/N a good hand. She and Peter had managed to work out some of the details of their Drama Project, they've been doing great actually.

Much like Betty had suggested they chose a scene from The Little Mermaid, but that was more due to the fact they didn't actually find any other decent scene with a mute character. At least it worked.

And that's what they were doing right now, practicing. They were sitting in Y/N's living room floor, the TV playing the scene they had chosen to do from the film, their notebooks, in which they had written out the scene, sat on the small coffee table, where snacks and drinks were also present.

Both had agreed that the best scene to do was when Ariel and Eric met again at the beach, after Ariel's transformation. They didn't realize it at the time, or well maybe Y/N did a bit, but the scene had many parallels with real life, how Eric (Peter) is looking for the girl who saved him, with out realizing that she's right in front of him.

"So... I guess we could use a...desk for the rock," Peter suggested.

Y/N thought about if for a second before writing it down on her board, 'Yea I guess that works,' she quickly erased the message after Peter saw it and wrote something else down, 'We could also use a beanbag, there's lots of those in the classroom, more comfortable.'

"That would work great actually, there's even a gray one, so it will resemble a rock with out us even trying to make it look like a rock."

Y/N nodded eagerly in agreement after remembering said bean bag. She had become mor comfortable around him the past week. She was weary at first, afraid that he would realize it was her that day at the park, but Peter was as clueless as Eric, maybe even more so. She had actually enjoyed the week, getting to know him more and finding out he was a pretty cool guy, quite dorky, but still cool.

"Hey Y/N/N, what about wardrobe, how should we dress?" He asked.

'I'm not wrapping a piece of fabric around myself,' she wrote in reply.

Peter let out what you could call a giggle, it was quite adorable. "I wasn't suggesting that. Maybe you could wear a beige dress, that is if you own one and we could tie some rope around it."

'Yea that works. You just need a white button up, some jeans and a red cloth.' She showed him the board and he nodded in agreement. She then turned the board around and wrote something else before showing it to him.

"Ahh yes, can't forget the black boots. Most important part of the outfit," He said sarcastically.

Y/N made a face at him and he just grinned in return.

"Well, if I have to use the black boots, then you have to wear a wig."

Y/N pretended to be insulted, 'what's wrong with my beautiful hair?'

Peter rolled his eyes, "There is nothing wrong with your hair, I just think that if we really want to sell the scene we both need to be in full costume, and for you that includes a bright red wig." He explained, "Plus I really want to know what you would look like as a red head."

'I would look terrible as a red head.'

Peter thought about it for a second, "Yea maybe you might. All I'm imagining right now is you looking like some off-brand Weasley sibling."

Y/N leant back in shock and then proceeded to throw handfuls of popcorn at Peter.

"Hey...no...stop it...it was a joke" he said in between laughs, "I'm sorry."

Both of them were now doubled over in laughter, a mess of popcorn lying around them, the faint sound of kiss the girl played in the background.

After calming down Y/N looked at her phone to see the time as Peter began picking up popcorn.

'Hey, wanna have a quick lunch break, I can heat up the frozen pizza.' She wrote and showed it to Peter.

"Sounds good, I'm actually super hungry. While you do that I'll clean up this mess." He gestured to the popcorn.

He stood up and held out his hand which Y/N gladly took and he helped her to stand up. Y/N made her way to the kitchen to start preparing the pizza while Peter went to get the broom from the supply closet. Y/N decided to listen to some music while she waited for the pizza to be ready, she set it down on the counter, putting her music on shuffle.

Peter was just finishing up cleaning the popcorn when he heard it. The song he's been endlessly thinking about since that day in the park. After listening to it for a few seconds longer he determined it was indeed the same song.

He slowly made his way to the kitchen where he found Y/N putting the pizza in the stove. Y/N turned to him and noticed he had a faraway look on his face as he stared at something. Y/N followed his line of sight and she saw he was staring at her phone, and that's when it clicked.

The song.

It was the same song she sang that day at the park, and Peter was realizing it.

"Y/N." he suddenly spoke. She turned to look back at him, his gaze was till on the phone, which was a good thing, he wouldn't realize she looked like a deer caught in headlights. "What's the name of that song?"

Y/N grabbed her board and slowly wrote down the title before handing the board to him. He gently took it and his eyes scanned over the title.

"Songbird." He said tentatively, as if testing out the name, "It's called Songbird. By Fleetwood Mac."

Y/N stood there like a scolded child, looking down at the floor as she bounced on her heels. Had he found out it was her? He hasn't said anything about the fact just yet so that made her hopeful.

She tried to think of why it would be such a horrible thing if Peter found out the truth, but she truly couldn't come up with an explanation.

Oh how she would love to have a Jamaican sounding Crab advisor right now.

After Peter had made peace with the name of the song he handed the board back to Y/N. "Sorry if that was strange. It's just I had heard that song before but I didn't know what it was called."

Y/N only nodded and wrote back 'it's okay.'

Thing had become slightly tense, so much that you could cut it with a knife. The only sound in the room came from Y/N's phone. They both just stood there awkwardly, neither knowing what to say. Their hunger and project far forgotten.

Peter was the first to speak up, "Hey um I think I'll go now. I think we made good progress."

Y/N only nodded and followed him to collect his stuff and then to walk him to the door. As Peter slung his back pack over his shoulder and grabbed his coat he turned back to Y/N.

"Hey um, I almost forgot to tell you but we can't meet up at my house tomorrow. I have to go do some spid- internship......yeah I mean internship stuff at the tower...so I asked Mr.Stark if you could go there to work and he said yes," he explained, "I'll...uh, text you the details later." And with that he was out the door, leaving Y/N to ponder over that information by herself.

She would be going to Stark tower tomorrow. That was.....great.

So much had happened in the last few minutes that her brain hadn't properly processed everything. Right now all she needed a warm slice of pizza and a sprite, she found these were the remedies to her existential life problems.

_______________________

She was having another existential life problem as she stared up at the huge tower before her.

She was currently standing outside the towers entrance, too afraid to go in, but it the end David needed to confront Goliath, so she walked through the doors.

She quickly sent a text to Peter to inform him that she had arrived. He replied a couple of minutes later telling her someone would be down shortly to get her.

After waiting a few more minutes a nice looking man in a suit appeared. He looked around the room before spotting her sitting down at one of the couches the lobby offered.

"Are you Y/N Y/L/N?" He asked.

Y/N nodded as she gathered her stuff and stood up.

"I'm Happy, the kid... I mean Peter sent me down to get you." He explained as he started walking back towards the elevator. Y/N quickly began to walk behind him, following him into the elevator. When the doors closed he turned to her and gave her a once over. "I'm taking you to a private floor, so no misbehaving, no touching stuff, no shouting, no screaming, no wandering, you stay where I leave you, capiche?"

Y/N nodded.

"Good, we got that clear." As he said that the doors of the elevator opened and Happy led Y/N out and towards a briefing room.

He opened the door and gestured for her to go in. "Alright so you'll be staying here Miss Y/L/N, and for your sake and mine please follow the previously stated rules. Peter is doing some....internship stuff, but he'll shortly be with you."

Y/N nodded again.

"Well that's all, goodbye." With that happy left and Y/N was left to her own devices, so she decided to do some of her other homework while she waited for Peter.

After 30 minutes had gone by with still no sign of Peter she decided to send him t to see where he was. She received a reply after a few minutes.

'Sorry for the delay, doing some last minute internship stuff, won't me much longer.'

She let out a big sigh. Maybe she shouldn't have come to the tower today, she could've been happily spending her Saturday at home watching Netflix, but instead she was holed up in a meeting room in stark tower waiting for Peter who was very late. She decided she would just keep working on her homework while she waited.

Even after finishing up all her other work, there was still no sign of Peter. It had been more than an hour already and Y/N was becoming really bored.

Seeing she was in a safe space she subconsciously began singing, starting with Part of your World which had been stuck in her head for the past week and then went on to sing Songbird.

She began quietly, barely audible, whispering it to herself, but after the first chorus she started singing a little louder, but not enough it would catch someone's attention. And then, just as she had finished the song she heard clapping. She quickly sat up straight and looked to the door, where Tony Stark was now standing.

"Has anyone ever told you, you have a very nice voice? Very nice, like honey for the ears."

Y/N could only stare at him with wide eyes. He had just heard her sing. But he couldn't know it was her right? He had arrived after she made her escape.

"Well I doubt it since apparently you're supposed to be mute. Peter told me when he asked if you could come over, and then Happy just told me a while ago about Peter's weird but very well educated mute friend." He walked over and sat in a chair in front of hers.

"You wanna know what else is weird? Peter was just telling me yesterday about that song. Songbird by Fleetwood Mac right? It's quite strange a 16 year old listens to Fleetwood Mac, I thought you kids were only into Justin Beaver and One Discretion."

She stared at him as he went on. What was he getting at? And did he say those names wrong on purpose or was that what he actually thought they were called?

"Anyway, its nice to know there's kids out there with good music taste." He said as he stared her down. "But you wanna know what has me flabbergasted? I feel like I've heard your voice before, which seems unlikely seeing as I've never met you before."

Y/N fidgeted in her seat, she could no longer look Tony in the eye.

"Hey I think I remember now where I've heard it before. Friday, play back Peter's suit recording from last weekend, the one taken after the spider slam dunk in the lake."

After a few seconds the room was filled with the sound of Y/N's voice again, only this time it wasn't her singing, but a muffled recording of her voice that was being played in the rooms speakers.

After the recording stopped playing Y/N slowly turned to look at Tony who had been gazing at her, studying her every move since the recording begun.

"Guessing by your reaction, which quite frankly makes it look like you want to vomit, I'll say I was right, and that in fact is you in the recording. But I think that was already obvious, not many kids now a days listen to good ol' Fleetwood Mac."

Tony then stood up and straightened out his suit and walked towards the door, but before he left he turned back to look at Y/N.

"Don't worry. Your secret is safe with me....Little Mermaid."

LMOM TAGS: @lunataehyung // @embrace-themagic // @theinsomniacsblog // @supernatural-kinda-girl // @my-name-chris // @cynicallystiles // @portgasddead // @wwenaie // @anotherasianfailure // @built4broadway // @pvnk-bivch // @lubrielx // @pukiebear-blog // @mooonymoo // @tonystolemyman // @metermarker // @tomsstarlight

PERM TAGS: @sighspidey

If it's crossed out the tags didn't work.

#peter parker imagine #peter parker x reader #peter parker #the little mermaid of manhattan #the little mermaid #tom holland x reader #tom holland #marvel imagine #marvel #avengers masterlist #avengers imagines #mcu #peter parker masterlist #peter parker fic #lunawrites

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