#the most stupidest shit post ever

[rolfedewolfes-uglytoes]

Asking all the important questions:

I don't know what I'm doing or why I did it. Listen guys, It's late.

[servuscallidus]

One thing people should point out when explaining the evils of makeup is the amount of time it takes. It takes ages! And I know people that are really proficient at it can put it all on in ten minutes, but that's still ten minutes of your morning routine. A slow breakfast takes ten minutes, ten more minutes in bed take ten minutes, all way healthier things than putting on makeup

[evannhansensletters]

Strawberry

Strawberries,,

those ruby-red jewels of the orchard,

offer a symphony of flavors,

ranging from bright and tart to sweet and juicy.

Their velvety flesh, kissed by the summer sun,

holds a promise of a delectable summer moment.

Yet, the knowledge of their perishable nature gives each strawberry a bittersweet poignancy,

for just like the brevity of youth,

the sweetness of a strawberry too shall pass,

reminding us of life's fleeting beauty.

[kaisdrumsticks]

starting to hate tiktok now lmao

[supahstarrr]

saw someone on bluesky say that if you "cancel" someone over art then you're a trumpie. People be saying anything

[gottagobackintime]

I upset some I*zy stan with my previous post because I said in my tags that trash shows like Riverdale get season after season while shows like OFMD gets cancelled..

After all these years… am I… am I involved with fandom drama?? Do I get people who hate me and my opinions on my blog now?? Have I made it??

[theskoomacat]

whenever i had my acting classes i always wondered - do professional actors really need to know how to play toads and birds? and now i have the answer: yes, they do if they want to have a part in star trek

[gravegroves]

Okay, little stream-of-consciousness-moment:

Billy, who's mind is like a steel trap, who isn't a scared little child, but a healthy, angry young adult. And the mindflayer doesn't even know what hit it. One second it's infiltrating grey matter, overtaking neural pathways and becoming one with this new vessel and the next second it's burning alive, it's crumbling and shrinking and screeching in agony as the human body does what is does best to foreign invaders: try to kill it.

I've always loved the posts on tumblr that explore how deeply weird humans would be to aliens. Our physiology, our mentality, when spoken of as animal traits they are all deeply disturbing. We're persistence predators. We're built to last. We can survive unimaginable horrors (and also die from the stupidest, most everyday things). Our main predator, is ourselves. A bite from a child can kill another human just from the bacteria alone if left untreated. Our bodies are designed to kill entities both within and without.

Humans are fucking terrifying.

So the mindflayer is so unprepared for an adult human who's been through too much shit already. Not just a tired little slip of a kid, but a healthy, entering-his-prime human and is eradicated with extreme prejudice by nothing more than a good immune system going into overdrive.

But it's too deeply imbeded, so the body again does what it can to protect itself, it encases it. Within the body, but separate. Calcified. Caged.

So here's Billy, who has a rather spotty memory of a car crash and feels like he has a head cold for a couple of days before he gets on with his life. Only weird shit keeps happening to him, now. Like that time he encounters a pack of dogs while out drinking by the quarry, except they look really fucked-up the closer they get, not like any dog Billy's ever seen before, and just as he's prepared for an attack from these things, they just walk up to him and sniff around a bit with their weird flower heads blooming and closing, but otherwise leaving him unharmed. And Billy's just this side of drunk where terrible ideas seem kinda brilliant and he tells the things to sit. And they do. Amazed, he tosses his beer bottle and tells them go fetch, and again, one does.

And then when it's time to go home Billy offhandedly tells them to get lost and they run off back into the woods, and when he wakes up in the morning it's easy to rationalise it away. Probably the beer had been rolling around in the car for too long and it went bad and fucked him up. Should just have thrown the whole sixpack out. Those were just regular dogs, for sure. Except the next day, when he's out behind the pool building trying to find a good spot to smoke, he steps onto soft soil or something and falls down into a weird ass tunnel and a bunch of those same monster dogs just appear out of nowhere and pile themselves on top of each other for him to be able to climb out. And a couple of days later when Neil smacks Billy around for being out late again, one of those dogs honest to God comes crashing through the living room window to shred Neil's leg up and leaves just as quickly at the first sign of panic from Billy.

And yeah okay, by this stage Billy's figuring out things are kinda fucky around Hawkins, and so it's just Billy having his own little side adventure in the background while the rest of the gang are running around Hawkins trying desperately to find the Mindflayer, not knowing that Billy unknowingly trapped it within himself and is just living his life, teaching these weirdly obedient alien dogs to do tricks because they keep helping him or seeking him out.

Anyway, upside down is doomed because their leader is literally trapped inside Billy and Billy is just teaching these dog-things to steal cigarettes from the gas station and volunteering for the closing shift at the pool because he can just get the dogs to bring the pool noodles back into the shed.

[xtrashmammalstefx]

All Shook Up! (An Austin Butler x Reader SMUT!)

WARNING: SMUT, LANGUAGE, minors dni

Notes: SURPRISE MOTHERFUCKA! I know I've been gone for a while but in all fairness this summer just sucked balls and I'm just now getting back in the proper headspace to write/post. Idk what I'll write next but I promise there will be more stories coming. Anywhore I'll shut up now. Enjoy!!

PS: This is technically a sequel to Chaos Monster & Her English Gent but I think it can be read on its own. Okay shutting up for real now.

Sometimes my heart can be the stupidest piece of shit ever. It’s been weeks since that day in Callum’s dressing room, and only days since filming wrapped for the season. Callum’s been blowing up my phone constantly and Austin was now home for the time being until he had to go film his next project.

The day my heart fucked me over was one of those miraculous days when both Austin and I had the day off. Austin was spending it reading a new script, while I was just doing my best to relax.

Hello darling.

I chuckled and answered back.

Hey.

Bored already?

No.

I’m just missing my special girl is all.

I rolled my eyes just as the next text came through.

Send me a pic?

Doesn’t necessarily have to be sexual.

I just wanna see your pretty face.

“What you laughin’ at Priscilla?” Austin asked distracting me from my phone. He was in the arm chair looking at me; his script laying on his lap.

“Nothin. Just your boy being a fucking idiot,” I semi-lied. Austin still didn’t know about Callum and me...and if I was being honest I wasn’t too sure about Callum and me either. I’ve been accused of being too hasty with other things before and a part of me feared I was being to hasty with this too. Needing immediate distraction I raised my phone (camera on) and aimed it at Austin. “Smile baby.”

Austin looked up from his script and smiled without questioning it. I took the photo and sent it to Callum. “Do I even want to know what you’re doin’ over there babe?”

“Callum asked for a pic, but as you can see I currently look like shit,” I motioned at my messy bun (didn’t exactly feel like brushing out my hair that day), make-upless face, and bespectacled eyes.

“Darlin’ I hate to break it to you but never since I have known you have you looked like shit,” Austin said. Just then another message came through.

Sexy but you know that’s not what

I meant.

“Why does he want a pic anyway?” Austin asked.

I shrugged. “I think he just misses our stupid faces.

“Mm… I think it might be more than that sweetheart,” Austin said tossing his script onto the coffee table. “I saw the way he kept lookin’ at you on set. He looked at you like you were the finest piece of meat this side of the Atlantic. Which ain’t totally off base if I say so myself.” I scoffed at the idea but Austin continued to look serious. “You’re the most beautiful girl I know. It’s a shame that you don’t see it because I see it very clearly.”

I sighed and tossed my phone onto the coffee table before getting up and darting towards Austin. I sat down on his lap and cuddled into him. Austin chuckled deeply and wrapped his arms around me. Austin always gives the best hugs. “We really need to have more days like this.”

“Like what?” Austin asked resting his cheek on my head.

“Like this. Just you and me...like we’re the only ones in the world. Like nothing else matters as long as we’re both here, together, for forever…” It was then I felt Austin’s lips pressed themselves on my forehead.

“You’re already my whole world Y/N,” he muttered.

“And you’re mine,” I whispered pressing my lips against his cheek. It was something I had done many times throughout our friendship but this time… it felt different. This time he trembled at my touch. “You okay?”

He nodded. “Just all shook up I guess.”

“You fuckin’ dork,” I laughed before he was suddenly pulling me in. His lips enveloped mine sending a tingle up my spine. I know I should’ve pulled away...told him about Callum and hoped for the best but… I don’t know. For some reason I just… I couldn’t stop. I didn’t want to stop.

But I guess something else wanted it to end.

Ding dong.

Austin pulled back and sighed. “That would be our UberEats.” He carried me back to the sofa and sat me down before going to answer the door. Normally Austin would gladly cook for us but we both agreed that on that day we were feeling exceptionally lazy.

We didn’t really say anything as we had our Thai dinner. Just snuck glances at each other every now and then. At one point I think it became a little too much for him to handle for he swiped the box of Mango Sticky Rice I had started to dig in to. “Give it back.”

“Hell nah, not until you get talkin’.” Austin said continuing to hold the rice hostage.

“I am talking,” I said. “Give. It. Back.”

“Or. What? Sugar.” He smirked pushing my final button. I dropped my chopsticks and pounced on him.

“Fucking give me the rice!” I snapped at him trying to reach for my rice which he now held above his head.

“Not until we talk about what happened earlier,” he said.

“God dammit Austin, it wasn’t rocket science, it should be obvious why we―.”

“Stop…”

“What? I thought you wanted me to…”

“No, I mean stop grindin’ on me,” he said making me realize that as I had been trying to get my rice back, I was simultaneous rubbing myself on his clothed crotch causing him to stiffen.

“Okay, needless to say that is your fault,” I said freezing on top of him.

“How the hell is that my fault?” he asked. “I didn’t ask you to grind on me.”

“No, but you stole my rice,” I pointed out before carefully standing up. “So… what now?”

“I don’t know. I mean, I know I want this, but I can’t decide for you,” he said before slowly standing up. “So until you know for sure if what you felt was as real as what I’ve been feelin’ every day since we met, I’m gonna have to handle this with a cold shower.”

He left the kitchen soon after leaving me be for a few minutes. I was suddenly not hungry for rice or anything on the table so after a moment I stood up and started towards my room needing to just collapse for a bit.

As I approached the door though, Austin left his room wearing nothing but a towel around his hips. “Oh, uh, sorry, I forgot my new body wash in the shopping bag.” He continued towards the bathroom and left his body wash on the counter before turning back to face me. “Is-uh-there something you wanna talk about?” He asked noticing my transfixed stare. He’d been spending his off time these last few months and his current off day to do a little extra working out for his new role and damn did it show. His abs were more defined, and his ass more perked and firm. “Y/N? You okay darlin’?”

“Uh-um-yeah,” I said. “I’m fine….I’m…” He approached me and placed his hand on my shoulder.

“You sure?” I was suddenly filled with a different, much stronger, hunger. It had me practically screaming inside while outside it only had me placing my hand on his chest. “Y/N?” I reached up and connected my lips with his. His body froze at my touch for only a moment before he wrapped his arms around me and kissed me back. He pressed me against the nearby wall and let his lips fall to my neck. As he kissed and suck on my flesh I reached down and yanked at his towel, making it fall to his feet. I wrapped my hand around his length and gasped at the feeling of his size. He wasn’t too long but girthy as holy fuck. I tugged on him gently earning a growl like sound in return. I chuckled.

“You really are all shook up aren’t you Elvis?”

“Oh fuck yeah I am Priscilla,” he said before placing his hands on my legs and picking me up. “Fuck yeah I am.” I wrapped my legs around him and let him carry me to my bed.

He laid us down and reached to pull off my shirt. He peppered kisses all over my body as he rid me of my lazy-day clothes. Once my panties were gone he placed my legs on his shoulders and brought his lips to my core. I moaned louder than I ever had, earning a chuckle from Austin before he continued to suck and lick me until I was nice and slick. “I wasn’t there yet you jerk,” I groaned as he climbed back up.

“Relax darlin’, I’m just getting started,” He smirked before reaching down and giving himself a tug before placing himself at my entrance. Just the feeling of it there made my body tremble. “Like it?” I nodded. “Want it inside you?” I nodded again. “Okay then…” He thrust his lips sliding the tip inside me.

“Holy fucking shit!” I hissed.

“So tight sugar,” he groaned pushing in further. Tears filled my eyes as he continued to stretch me. “I ain’t hurtin’ ya too bad am I?” I shook my head. “Good, I’ll try not to but feel free to hit me if I do.”

“Just fuck me already Aus,” I muttered. He leaned down and kissed me deeply before bottoming out and pulling back again. He kept his pace slow and gentle while I grew use to him. I pecked his lips and held him so our bodies were pressed together. As he continued moving inside me I snaked my hand down his back and squeezed his ass. I was right, it was pretty damn firm.

“God you drive wild,” Austin chuckled.

“How wild?” I asked.

“Want me to answer or would you rather I just―.” He thrust into me harder. “Show you.” He started moving his hips faster making my back arch.

“Oh fuck!” I screamed as he continued to thrust into me like his life depended on it. After a while he kissed me again and brought his lips to my ear.

“You wanna ride me?” I nodded eagerly. He wrapped his arms around me and flipped us over so that I was on top. I moved my hips rough and fast. It was like my whole being was just feral for him. “Holy shit you’re so fucking good at that.” Austin moaned thrusting up into me as I continued to ride him. As he did he brought his fingers to my clit and started rubbing me. That’s when the pressure began to build up inside me. “You gonna cum sugar?” I groaned and nodded. “That’s alright just come right on me. There you go baby.”

My whole body froze as a shiver ran down my spine. I was damn near screaming as I tightened around him, damn near squeezing the life out of his cock. I had just started coming down from my high, still partially blinded by the mind-blowing orgasm, when Austin wrapped his arms around me again and flipped us so I was on the bed once again.

“God you’re so fucking tight around me,” he groaned as he continued to thrust into me, only a little sloppier this time. “Gah fuck I’m gonna cum!” He moaned more and more as he started getting close. “Wuh-Where do you want it?”

“In...Inside...Inside me.” I said still breathless.

“You- You sure about that sugar?” He asked growing more and more spastic.

“Yes, god yes… fuck a baby into me Aus…” No sooner had I said that that I felt him twitch inside me. A rainbow of curses left his mouth as his body shuttered to a stop. He collapsed on top of me and gave me a final kiss on my now swollen lips.

“I fucking love you Y/N,” he said. “I love you more than words can say.”

I ran my fingers through his curls. “I love you too, Aus.”

He smiled and reached down to pull himself out of me. I hissed a bit when he did feeling a bit of a sting. “Sorry sugar.”

“It’s alright,” I assured him. He moved to lay down beside me and when he did I snuggled up to him. I fell asleep listening to the sound of his heart.

[bitchwithaportalhyperfixation]

Long, very angry rant in the tags I’m sorry blue ball make me feel things

Y’all ever see a post that just. Has the WORST take on a character ever and you just

fuck you. Fuuuuuuck you. Fuck your shit man fuck you

[oopsie0503]

this makes me so mad

Ramattra mine controlling omnics has to be the single stupidest plot point I've ever seen in a work of fiction in my entire life. It's giving 'this radical extremist trying to liberate his people and create a better world for them is going to be too based. people are going to say he is so real for that.' but it's also giving 'sci-fi world where we kill evil robots like in helldiver's 2 is more profitable. make him eviler.'

Here's why it makes absolutely no sense for Rammatra to mine control omnics:

Resorting to mind control and manipulation implies that there are no sentient omnics with his same ideas and mindset. It implies that NOBODY is willing to join him and that otherwise he would be alone. This is not true. It's just not there's no chance there are zero omnics who agree with his line of thinking.

Null Sector has control of at least one omnium, and Ram is an engineer. He is able to build non-sentient bots to be canon fodder, he does not need the sentient ones. He would not let more of his people die when the job is better suited for non-thinking robots who can be mass produced. The bots the omnium produced were outdated but if they took control of the omnium they most certainly could update the blue prints to be stronger. He literally built his nemesis form dude. Imagine an army of nemesis bots. That'd be terrifying. Shit load scarier than. a couple of zombie zenyattas without the god powers.

Mind controlling omnics to send them to their deaths is so stupid. It's so against what he believes. I don't think there's ANY good reason for them to have gone this route with him! It is fucking stupid. I hate it. The 'he became too radicalized' thing is dumb . it's dumb.

(also this isn't a 'rammattra is perfect and has never ever done anything wrong in his entire life' post. but I also do not think he deserves to be the story's main villain when Talon is right there.)

a few edits: I reread some of the lore after getting questions and realized that it isn't explicitly stated what the helmets r doing. there are implications that it's a "if they won't join null sector on their own accord we will... convince them" type vibe. I'm hoping they don't go down this route and instead go with like.

the one I think would be interesting is they're uploading Omnic consciousness to a data bank so that their souls are not confined to a single body and even if they're destroyed their sentience will live on to be put into another body or something. I think that'd be cool but honestly unlikely.

[pygmi-cygni]

writing tip: getting started!

ahh! blank page! spooky shit right there. getting started is really hard, and it kinda feels like grasping at straws to figure out where to start. here's some pointers!

pick your favorite place. what part have you been dreaming about? what line of dialogue has you kicking your feet and screaming with laughter? what was the scene that made you want to write? start there. you've thought about it the most, you're motivated, and you can build from there. building backwards isn't bad.

find the right mindset. pick an ambience, light a candle, watch some writertok motivations on youtube (i do that all the time) read something that inspires you. don't wait until you're motivated to write, but take initiative to get yourself there.

write it stupid. start with the stupidest most basic disgusting sentences ever. don't try to add mistakes, I mean like this:

"the sky was light and it was warm outside her window. she got up and walked downstairs. then she made breakfast."

to:

"It was a warm morning. She woke up slowly, pulled on a sweater and went downstairs to make breakfast."

to:

"Morning sun peeked through her window. She had been awake for a while, groggily breaking through the haze of a good night's sleep. After lounging for a couple minutes, the thought of eggs was too good to resist. grabbing her sweater, she went downstairs to prepare breakfast."

this is really helpful with deep/difficult or action packed scenes. if you're really struggling, write in a cliff note version and move on. I hate the whole [put the scene dec in a bracket], I feel like it looks weird and it bothers me more than avoiding it. just slip in a couple sentences and mark it for later.

4. this is a personal opinion, but don't do the '500 words a day' or '2 pages a day'. productivity is productivity. I find myself trying to subscribe to a numerical scale and inevitably resorting to 'i wrote 400 today, i'll just do 600 tomorrow to make up for it' and then it turns into 'i did nothing today, i'll double it tomorrow' but we know that won't happen. as long as you are writing, that is progress! don't kill the will to write in your attempt to write more.

maybe will post a part 2, xox bye bye!

[cyberluvzu]

I don't know if you will want to do it, but can you make headcanons of Ben Drowned? (The fanon version of him, not the canon where he is a child 💀)

I've been seeing some of your headcanons and I loved how you write !! (This is my first request, I don't even know if I'm doing it right ✋😭)

That's it have a great day <3

BEN DROWNED HEADCANONS

AJJGSKSHSK THANK YOU SM ILY. ALSO I ABSOLUTELY LOVE BEN SMSMSMSMMS. You're literally so nice I'm sobbing. I ALSO WASN'T SURE IF YOU MEANT GENERAL OR ROMANTIC HEADCANONS. YOU HAVE A GOOD DAY TOO :3 <3!!!!!! MWAH MWAH MWAHHHHHH!!!!

(I also had to edit this while it was posted bc I accidentally clicked post 😭😭)

General Headcanons

- Pothead

- LMAO SORRY

- But he would probably smoke weed here and there

- Hungry when he's high

- I also like to think that he has longer hair, just long enough to be put in a pony tail

- He mostly keeps his hair up

- Would probably dress more comfy if he's just relaxing at home

- Video game shirts, basketball shorts, sweatpants, PJ pants

- If he has to like actually get dressed for any reason he would just wear something comfortable but not exactly pajamas

- More like baggy clothes, y'know?

- Buys dumb shit with his money

- "Oh look a bag of mini plastic ducks"

- "I NEED IT"

- Likes to hack games, but when other people do it he gets mad

- He takes it as a challenge and pops through that person's screen to absolutely terrify them

- He thinks it's hilarious

- Going off of that, he LOVES to scare people

- Specifically likes when people have over the top reactions to it because he thinks it's the funniest shit ever

- Would definitely watch those 2 hour long YouTube video essays on a topic he's never heard of

- Frequently falls down YouTube rabbit holes because of it too

- Also knows random facts about obscure topics because of that

- Takes GREAT care of his PC

- It's in absolutely top notch condition

- I like to think that he's not THAT messy like some people see him as

- More of a "I'll put everything in separate piles" messy

- Surprising clean-ish room

- Loves brain rot

- In like an ironic way though

Romantic

- Let's you play with his hair

- Loves the feeling of your nails scratching his scalp

- Gives you dumb pet names

- Will absolutely call you the most cheesy, diabolical pet name and act like it's normal

- LOVESSS taking naps with you

- Like genuinely adores it

- Also really likes nose kisses

- You kiss him on the nose

- He's all yours

- ALSOOOO WOULD DEFINITELY WAKE YOU UP TO PLAY GAMES WITH YOU

- "Babe can we play Minecraft"

- "It's 3am, Ben"

- He loves you and wants to play with you

- He would definitely do most of the hard work (cheat)

- Makes sure you have the best items in games

- Loves when you wrap around him

- Big fan of hugs, especially yours

- He loves how you feel and smell

- NOT IN A WEIRD WAY 😭

- He just really likes you

- Will absolutely flirt with you in the stupidest ways possible

- Tries to pay attention to you, but if he's distracted by a game, you'll lose his full attention for a couple of hours

- He will eventually remember that he has a partner and will go bother you

- HE LOVESSS TO ANNOY YOU

- Will poke you when he wants attention or needs something from you

- Has a shit eating grin on his face the whole time

- If you get upset at him he'll fake being overdramatically upset just to make you laugh

- Loves seeing you giggle, laugh, or smile

- He would definitely let you borrow his clothes

- He thinks you're the cutest thing ever in his clothes

- Looks forward to getting into bed with you and talking about a new game he started, his day, or just about anything

- He's sweet, but can also be a complete dick

- IN LIKE A JOKING WAY

- He wouldn't really be mean to you

- Just annoying

- He's secretly hoping you kiss him to shut him up

- Would buy you and him matching jewelry

- Your name in his phone would probably be "player 1"

- Or something cheesy like that

- He loves being cringey and cheesy with you

- He's just really comfortable around you and loves you

- Sometimes he might not know how to express it because of how extreme it feels

- But he does get the point across eventually

-------------------------------------------

HELLO!!! So basically I didn't proof read this for shit 😭. BUTTTTT that's bc I accidentally hit post when I wasn't ready. BUT I HOPED Y'ALL ENJOYED, SORRY I HAVEN'T BEEN POSTING AS MUCH!!!!! MWAHHHHH!!!!

[akai-akai]

this is all over the place I'm sorry, but bear with me.

"suave, intimidating lieutenant simon" "quiet war-hardened mysterious simon"— NO

Simon Riley is a DORK.

Like imagine this big ass war-weathered 6'4 lieutenant who weighs over 200 pounds and has the build of a Spartan and a downright terrifying reputation. He's all aloof and intimidating and unapproachable and then at the most random of times, he rattles off the stupidest pun ever and just... Pretends nothing happened. Continues his day while some poor recruit is left wondering what the fuck that interaction meant.

Give me Simon Riley who mulls over which corny line to say in that subtle thinks-he's-the-funniest-man-alive tone. Does that dumb little ₕᵤₕ ₕᵤₕ ₕᵤₕ when he's especially proud of the fuckery that just came from his mouth. Then gives a look that says "they'll never believe you" and walks off.

And when he has his mask off when it's just him and the boys, he gets this little quirk in his lips as he comes up with a new one and gets ready to deliver it. And if he receives an equally hilarious unbearable one back, his lips will stretch into a rare, crooked downturned smile, a tiny flash of his teeth— barely noticeable— showing through a small part in his lips, where scarring has given them an irregular shape and they don't quite seal together.

Or sometimes (usually) he'll receive an exasperated, agonized groan from Johnny, and his nose will scrunch slightly, eyes crinkling and the corners of his lips twitch, and he's so satisfied with himself that Johnny can't even be mad.

Other times, it'll be with a completely straight face, voice devoid of all emotion as he spells out yet another twisted pun and Johnny pinches the bridge of his nose and wonders what the hell is going through Simon's mind when he says shit like this. ("this one's great, I should say it. I'm gonna say it. I'm saying it.")

Johnny is his usual victim, and occasionally Kyle, so they're somewhat used to it, but the first time he drops one of these on the captain???

John thinks he's lost his fucking marbles and later checks Simon's file to make sure he didn't have any flags in any recent military-mandated therapy appointments or psyche-evals.

Johnny and Simon will be quietly coexisting together, like sitting in Simon's barracks while Simon does his tedious post-mission paperwork and Johnny attempts to nap on Simon's bed. Except he can't fucking nap because as soon as he begins to drift off, Simon's clearing his throat and Johnny just fucking knows it's coming.

"Don't," he'll try to say, but Simon's already opened his mouth to speak, it's happening.

"What do you call kids in the military?" No response. "......Infantry."

Johnny promptly stuffs Simon's pillow over his head, huffs, and considers chucking the pillow at the other man's thick skull.

NSFW:

When there's finally a moment of privacy and Johnny is balls deep and patiently waiting for Simon to give the go-ahead to move, but then Simon pauses and catches Johnny's eyes and Johnny will give him a "please no" expression, but then Simon's lips twitch and his mouth opens and— Oh, oops! Sorry Simon, Johnny didn't mean to move his hips like that and ruin your definitely-hilarious joke and replace it with such a scandalous sound.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

he's so funny I love him. this is probably out of character to some people, but it just scratches my brain.

[bellowsmith]

List of things I'd find compelling in Tarn fics and have 0 time to write.

1. Religious mania, this mf has been high off his ass on every single substance and indoctrinated in a war cult from hell for 4 million years. Bro is having more visions than the goddamn oracle of Delphi at this rate. I think the implicit slow burn horror of realizing how fucked up he is either from his point of view or from another character's would be so goddamn interesting.

2. I just think the DJD being lost in deep space by themselves and forced to escape from some eldritch monstrosity that's beyond mortal comprehension a la annihilation style would be so interesting. Like how does a man who's already got a loose grip on reality with vocal weaponry gonna handle space cthulu?? How's a gaggle of space murder hobos gonna handle a prometheus/alien type of monster invasion? Bonus points for maximum body horror.

3. The implicit message that is Tarn being obsessed with classical music and perhaps able to play it, but never being able to write his own until something breaks him away from Megatron. Maybe he gets into new kinds of media, I feel like once he opens up his horizons he seems like a punk music scene kinda guy.

4. TAKE AWAY HIS T COGS AND DRUGS. I'm serious, put this man in critical condition and going through extreme withdrawals and see what happens when he is no longer capable of having his vices. Does he experience an epiphany? Does he realize how pathetic he is and do something about it? What's the DJD think about it? How does his personality change?

5. I just wanna watch him and starscream stab Megatron to death while holding hands. They've been through 4 million years of absolute shit while both thinking the other one is the "other woman". I just think they should be allowed to make each other worse and also hold hands about it. What better partner for a man seeking global domination than the most loyal bodyguard ever built?

That's the main gist of it for now. I have a master list of things that fascinate me about gods stupidest war criminal, but I don't feel like typing them all up right now. Perhaps I'll make a second post idk. Feel free to use these as you will, just let me read the damn thing.

[damnfandomproblems]

Posting a compilation of responses to Fandom Problem #6020.

Anon:

If you want representation, create your own story Fandom is not activism

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Anon:

Except you people almost never racebend white characters. You racebend other minorities. You racebend anime characters with Japanese names who live in Japan and speak Japanese and have their whole family live in Japan with Japanese names and speak Japanese and claim that the original character was "white." You take characters who are half-black, half-white and say they "aren't black enough" and make them completely black, racebending the white parent ONLY for the sake of racebending their kid. You racebend half-black, half-Asian characters for the same reason, they "aren't black enough." The overwhelming majority of people who complain about racebending don't care about a character's race, they're pointing out YOU'RE ALMOST EXCLUSIVELY DOING THIS TO CHARACTERS WHO ARE OTHER MINORITIES, WHO DESERVE REPRESENTATION TOO, WHILE SLAPPING IRL PEOPLE WHO MATCH THE DESCRIPTION OF THE ORIGINAL CHARACTER IN THE FACE!!!!!!!!!

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Anon:

I am pretty sure that modern fandom was not created specifically by POC. It was created by majorly women who were really into Star Track, completely unrelated to any skin colour any of them might have had

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Anon:

“BLACKWASHING IS DONE WITH RESPECT AND LOVE FOR A CHARACTER AND THEIR FANDOM.” No, it’s done out of hatred of white people. If you really loved this character, you’d love him or her as a white person. If you can’t love a white character, you are racist.

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Anon:

Re: every single moronic anon screaming "BlAcKwAsHiNg IsN't ReAl YoU'rE jUsT rAcIsT, aNyOnE wHo SaYs AnYtHiNg BaD aBoUt RaCeSwApS oF bLaCk ChArAcTeRs Is RaCiSt! RaCiSt!! RaCiSt!!!": On twitter right now people are throwing a fit over official splatoon art of Marina having a slightly lighter shade of brown than normal. Again. AGAIN. AGAIN!! Miss me with this fucking bullshit! You clowns have said this for a decade now and EVERYONE can see right through you! Every time some artist draws a brown character one hexcode lighter because GOD FORBID ANY OF YOU ACKNOWLEDGE THAT LIGHTING EXISTS OR THAT MAYBE PEOPLE WANT TO EXPERIMENT WITH DIFFERENT SHADES, there's a goddamn TIDAL WAVE of THE STUPIDEST, MOST HATEFUL PEOPLE YOU'LL EVER MEET screaming MUH RACISM at the top of their lungs. Harassing artists minding their own goddamn business (ESPECIALLY if they're from Japan!). Smugly taking the art and darkening with that utterly insufferable "Heh, I fixed it :)))" passive-aggressive attitude. Don't you sit there and fucking lie to me, you little shit. I've been on this hellsite since 2012. I've seen every single one of these """whitewashing""" controversies you neanderthals start and every single one of them has accomplished nothing except drive people away, piss them off, or inspired them to make ACTUAL Whitewashed art to show you what Whitewashing actually looks like and also to MOCK YOU. This is not pissing on my leg and telling me it's rain, this is grabbing ten of your buddies, telling them chug a gallon of water, circle around me, whip out your cocks, shower me in gold and then casually mock me for not taking an umbrella because "oh man it's so stormy out :)" Also Japanese twitter has had enough of your shit and they're criticizing you for acting this way and then shamelessly redrawing their characters as being black and acting like that's how they're """supposed""" to be because Asians just aren't """POC""" enough for you. Don't ever call anyone a "Colonizer" again, because that kind of shit is GENUINE Colonizer mindset because you self-righteous shitheads disrespect other cultures and can't leave people the fuck alone. THAT is why people get mad at you. It's not racism. It's NEVER been racism; it's because you're all insufferable twits who harass everyone around you over NOTHING and then have the GALL to be FLAGRANT HYPOCRITES ABOUT IT with an obvious double standard! Build a bridge and get the FUCK over yourselves!

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(Mod note: I'm unsure if this was intended as an independent submission or a response to the same problem, I'm assuming it's a response due to the timing and am posting as such.)

Anon:

One thing I find EXTREMELY odd about a fandom I am in surrounding an anime I like is the racewashing/blackwashing art, now I'm not gonna get into my opinions on racewashing because wether you support it or not you have to admit what I'm about to say seems really dodgy In this anime there are multiple main characters of mixed race, majority of them being half european half japanese, I'm not sure how much representation of mixed people there are in anime but I can only really think of 3 anime where there are main mixed race characters, most of them only having 1 or 2 mixed race characters, but the anime I am talking about has about 4 mixed race main characters For some reason this fandom absolutely loves to racewash these mixed race characters and barely does it to any other characters. They always make them fully black (not even blasian) and they say they do it to add "more black representation" to the anime Now there are many reasons I find this dodgy, 1 being that of course they only ever do this with the mixed race characters, (or at the very least these are the most popular characters to do this to) not the fully asian characters, not the fully white characters, not to any character of any other race/ethnicity, not even the non human characters who don't have a canonical race/ethnicity, only the mixed race characters Apparently a lot of other fanbases with half white half japanese main characters have these problems too, and a lot of real life mixed people say that the people who only ever racewash mixed characters imply that these characters are "too white for them", which is of course a very racist thing to say about mixed race people who are half white Another reason I find this odd is that, A. A lot of the anime is set in Japan, so of course a lot of the characters will be Japanese or half Japanese, and I'm not saying that there aren't black people in Japan, but obviously majority of the people who live in Japan are Japanese B. There are black characters in the anime! Main characters too, now I can't speak on how good the representation is as I'm not black, but from what I can tell a lot of black people love this anime and the black characters (not to mention a lot of the people I see who racewash the mixed characters are not black, most I see are white people) so I don't see the need to add more representation to the anime by racewashing non black characters, let alone racewashing the mixed race characters who also seem to have a small amount of representation in anime. Like at the very least if someone wanted to race swap a character they'd do it with one of the many white characters and not the mixed race characters, or at the very very least they'd make the mixed race characters blasian and not fully black, or draw the non human characters who don't have canonical races as humans and make them black or any race they want, like I don't get why they're so obsessed with making mixed half white half asian people fully black In conclusion: this whole thing just confuses me and gives off extremely dodgy and racist vibes