#the most important thing about the fanfic writing process is to enjoy the fanfic writing process

[curator-on-ao3]

Do you write multi-chapter fics in order or do you jump around? And if you do go in order, do you go back to revise earlier chapters as you go or are they pretty much ready to post once you move on to the next chapter?

I love this question, anon, thank you! ❤️

I write multi-chaps in order — which I don’t necessarily recommend because a scene I may be three chapters away from writing will sing and dance in my mind and we’re not there yet. So I will add key elements of that scene to my outline, which actually can be good in the long run because by the time I finally write the scene, the words can flow fairly easily because the scene has been in my mind for so long (with outline memory aids for specifics).

I know some people write out of order, and I’m glad that method works for them. For me, I need the linear nature in which the story will (presumably) be read to inform the writing. As always, though, the best way to write is the way that works for the writer.

In terms of revision, I revise constantly. Little stuff, big stuff. I need the whole story written and edited before posting even the first chapter (with one exception because I knew exactly where I was going and felt like I was going to explode if I didn’t start posting). For me, the revision process can help sharpen things like foreshadowing and key themes. I find revision deeply rewarding. It’s like — I built a home and now I get to buff the floors and straighten the address numbers and make sure the cookies in the oven are done just in time to invite in anyone who wants to share the home I built for whomever might want to be there.

[topazadine]

Writing Post Masterlist

All my posts about writing - plus some I absolutely loved by other writers.

Masterlists by Other People (all good)

"Writing Tips Masterpost" by @deception-united - Deception-United has an incredibly wealth of resources available, far more comprehensive and detailed than mine. Go check it out!

"WQA Post Master Lists" by @writingquestionsanswered - Another fantastic and wonderfully comprehensive resource that covers damn near everything you need to know about writing. Genuinely one of the best free resources on writing that you could find on the internet.

General Advice for a Happy Writing Life

"The Myth of the Martyr Artist" - An incredibly important post, perhaps my most important one ever, that discusses why mental illness is a burden, not a benefit. I have no idea why this even needs to be said, but it does, apparently.

"Building Self-Esteem as a Writer" - Why you gotta be nice to yourself. You gotta.

"Identifying bad writing advice" - Warning signs that the post you are reading kinda sucks and you should click off.

"Advice to Beginner Writers: The Good, the Bad, and the Unpleasant" - How long it takes to become a good writer, what to focus on when learning, and why fanfic is such a useful tool.

"Mindset Shifts: Fanfiction -> Original Fiction" - What fanfic writers should know about deciding to take on original characters and stories.

"Defeating Protracted Writer's Block" - What to do when you find it impossible to write for days, weeks, or months at a time.

"Five Common Anxieties of Newbie Writers, Demystified" - Explorations of five mindsets that can set younger writers back as they learn their craft, including overcompetitiveness, overdescribing, and fearing they're "too old."

"Good Motivations for Continuing to Write" - Why it is crucial to have a passion for writing beyond fame and fortune.

"Extremely controversial writing opinions that will make you mad (but I'm going to say them anyway)" - Things you really don't want to hear, but need to be said. A bit of tough love, including the insignificance of ideas, the cold hard truth about how non-writers react to your writing, and the essentiality of having a well-rounded life.

"Why Mindfulness Is a Key Practice for Writers" - On the need to slow down and let our brain rest - plus some options that are categorically not sitting there in dead silence (boring).

"Writing When Happy" - Wherein I hijack someone's question to discuss the Myth of the Martyr Artist, why we might self-limit because of it, and how to do the impossible: write when we're happy.

"The Neurodivergent Writer’s Guide to Fun and Productivity" by @bookishdiplodocus - Excellent advice on how enjoying the process and reminding yourself that writing is supposed to be fun can help you stay motivated and productive, even when your brain is not cooperating.

"The Glorification of Self-Deprecation in Art/Writing Spaces" by @nicolkoutoulakiauthor - I've discussed before how crucial it is to have a healthy self-esteem when writing, but Nicol does it even better here. Nicol also includes some excellent reframing tactics so you can stay motivated.

Generalish Writing Advice (multifactorial)

"Signs That You Will Probably Finish Your Writing Project" - An analysis of the mindset that leads to results, and encouragement on how to develop them.

"'How Do I Start Writing?'" (Or; A Psychoanalysis of Newbie Writer Fears) - Inspired by the dozens of Reddit posts that ask this exact same thing, often with useless responses. So why do people ask this? I offer my theory.

"I Can Think of Ideas But Can't Write Them!" - A consideration of the many reasons you might find it difficult to get started on your precious idea-baby.

"How to elevate your writing style with 6 simple hacks" - Information about how to develop a prettier prose style, catch errors, develop good dialogue, and focus on brevity.

"How to improve your writing style : a 5-steps guide" by @writer-logbook - Especially great information on why reading widely is so helpful for your craft!

"Some Writing Advice" by @whispers-whump - Especially great discussion of why you shouldn't write what you mean.

"Practical Writing Advice Part 2" by @so-many-ocs - Does what it says on the tin. Simple, easy-to-follow advice that can break you out of writer's block.

"25 Prose Tips for Writers" by @thewriteadviceforwriters - I absolutely love the emphasis on sound and harmony here. As someone whose entire book series revolves around the magic of poetry, of course I think this is incredibly important advice!

"Pacing and Show Don't Tell" by @mylordshesacactus - Two for one deal! First, learn more about why pacing is important; then, look at some examples of the classic advice "show, don't tell." The post does a great job on breaking down what show don't tell actually means and what is not a violation of this guideline so that newer writers aren't confused.

Writing tools

"How to Build a Sustainable Writing Habit Through SCIENCE (Fuck Off, NaNoWriMo)" - Why NaNoWriMo doesn't actually motivate young writers and how to do better through a spreadsheet (yes, really, a spreadsheet). It also explains the importance of intrinsic motivation!

"'I've Outlined Too Much and Now I Can't Write!' (Or: the Double Outline Method for Overanxious Plotters)" - Some of us tend to go absolutely ham on our outlines, to the point where they're practically their own books. But then we also tend to not actually do the writing attached to said outline. Does this mean outlining is useless? Of course not. My method lets you have your outline and eat it too. (.... Wait.)

"'How Do I Make Myself Start Writing?' (Tips to Get the Damn Thing Done) - In this post, I provide a step-by-step guide to start writing, including a few tools to help improve motivation and concentration.

"How to Write Faster (And, Hopefully, Better Too)" - Eliminating distractions and forcing your brain to write is key to getting more done. Here, I explain how you might be limiting yourself by too much thinking and not enough doing.

Worldbuilding

"Stop Making Everything So Damn Complicated!" - Why fantasy (and scifi) does not need to be dizzyingly intricate to be enjoyable.

"How to Kick Ass at Worldbuilding" - I offer some suggestions on how to create a grounded and interesting world that will not bore your readers, based on real life examples.

"Grounded vs. Airy Fantasy" by @aethersea - Excellent breakdown of different levels of groundedness in fantasy and why it's important to understand your own approach.

"Fantasy Guide to Building a Culture" by @inky-duchess - Thorough and methodical analysis of what can create a compelling fantasy culture, including those things that many fail to think about when writing.

"Writing tip - Research" by @pygmi-cygni - Fantastic assessment of the importance of research, including for fantasy stories. As Pygmi-Cygni said, a lot of people claim that they don't need to do any research for fantasy novels, which isn't true! Any parallels to IRL need to be realistic, or you will lose credibility.

Plotting

"How to Use Chomolungma for Writing Adventure Stories; Or, the Plot Mountain Method" - If you're sick of saving felines who should really figure their own shit out, it's time to head to Plot Mountain. In this post, I offer you an alternative to the formulaic "Save the Cat" and "Hero's Journey" which also incorporates tension, characterization, and forward momentum.

"Avoiding Melodrama In Your Writing" - The most annoying all things: melodrama. My least favorite thing. Do not do it. I will show you how.

"How to Find a Plot When All You Have is Characters and Setting" by @rheas-chaos-motivation - This is a common problem for many writers, when you have cool characters or an intriguing setting. This short post can help you kickstart your ideas for how to create an intriguing plot that has built-in tension.

Description

"Remembering Perspective When Writing Descriptions" - Key factors to think about when describing other characters or settings from your POV.

"Description, Momentum, and Tension; Or, How Not to Bore a Reader" - Why, when, and where to put description so that people don't skip over it. Hopefully.

"Writing Notes: Seasons" - Each season has both benefits and downsides. In this post, we look at the negatives and positive aspects of each so you can decide how a particular season may strengthen your themes - plus some descriptions to help inspire you.

"Writing Advice: Spicy Mundanity" - Wherein I explain how to stop having boring descriptions by packing in characterization.

"How to Write Smut?" by @unfriendlywriter - Wonderful examples of how to write heartstopping smut.

"How to pull off descriptions" by @fictionstudent - Fictionstudent has a ton of great posts, both about film analysis and about the art of writing. I especially liked this one because it discusses how important perspective is for descriptions and the importance of filling in the details as a character would rather than just throwing it all at the reader at one time.

"How to avoid White Room Syndrome" by @writerthreads - Fantastic and focused advice on how to ensure you're offering readers just enough setting to help them envision the world.

Characterization

"Writing Relatable Characters; Or, Using Human Failures to Your Advantage" - Explaining how you can use character flaws and human needs to create a relatable character. Also explains the basic development of a plot, which is about equilibrium.

"How NOT to Write a Character" - Wherein I give you some examples of annoying characters we want to punt off a cliff so you can watch yourself.

"Writing Strong Female Characters" - Why you should give your female characters a secret goal, as well as how to avoid common 'strong female' stereotypes.

"Writing Compelling Trauma in Fiction: Dos and Don'ts" - How to avoid melodrama and create intriguing emotional wounds for characters.

"Quality Assurance Checks for Character Development" - Thought exercises that can help you differentiate characters, prune down unnecessary characters, develop true chemistry between LI and MC, and avoid having too many POVs.

"Developing Character Agency (Or; Cutting the Plot Strings)" - A discussion of character agency and how to ensure your characters are not bound by the narrative.

"Writing Notes: Thought Distortions" by @literaryvein-reblogs - Some psychological concepts you can use in your writing to add depth to characters.

"Questions about your character’s perspective on love and relationships" by @luna-azzurra - Excellent questions that can help you delve into your character's attachment style, what baggage they may bring to a current relationship, and how to create conflict through mentality.

"How to Write a Confession of Love," also by luna-azzurra - Perfect discussion of how to create tension, the utility of setting, not making it perfect, and including the other character's response.

Revisions

"Common Writing Issues that Reduce Readability" - Examples of fixes for four common issues: double describing, long sentences, overexplaining, and head hopping.

"How to Avoid Purple Prose" - A critical part of the revision process is making sure your writing is clear and balanced. In this post, I show a blatant example of purple prose and provide suggestions on how to make a more elegant passage.

"Differential Diagnosis When Your Writing Is Getting Worse" by @ariaste - Fantastic explanation by a professional writer about why you might feel like your writing is getting worse and what to do about it.

"How to Make Your Writing Less Stiff Part 3" by @physalian - Physalian's whole blog has some excellent advice, so definitely give it a look!

"How to Improve Your Writing" - Also by literaryvein-reblogs, this offers some excellent exercises to help with sentence-level issues, such as modifiers, parallelism, and details.

Publishing

"How to promote your book online : a discussion about social media (and few tips)" by writer-logbook - Great tips about how to get more interest in your book. I especially enjoyed the emphasis on patience and consistency. Writer-logbook has some excellent info overall about the nitty-gritty of writing, so I definitely recommend poring through their blog in general. (That's why they're included here twice!)

"A masterclass in how not to market your books, in one singular tweet" - Wherein I help you derive lessons from an abysmal tweet by an author.

"Mistakes I Made When Self-Pubbing My First Book (Part 1: Mindset Edition)" - I talk about how being delulu is not the solulu, that yes marketing is important (even if it is horrible), and how a bit of self-confidence can go a long way.

"Mistakes I Made When Self-Pubbing My First Book (Part 2: Presentation Edition)" - Graphics and covers and blurbs! Learn about them. Do not do what I did.

"Mistakes I Made When Self-Pubbing My First Book (Part 3: Ads and Reviews Edition)" - Why you have to get reviews. You gotta. And you gotta demand them. Shake those reviews out of your readers. You'll thank me later.

Specific Research Advice

"Assassination Methods Through the Decades: A Writer’s Handbook" by @hayatheauthor - A thorough review of different assassination methods, including a section discussing common assassination methods by region!

"How to Write Someone in a Wheelchair" - A group effort! This is a reblog chain discussing body language in manual wheelchairs, the mechanics of power wheelchairs, wheelchair propulsion methods, and a reminder that just because someone is in a wheelchair doesn't mean they can't walk short distances.

"Writing Research Notes: Caves" - Oh caves how I love them. Caves. Let me tell you about them if you want to write about caves. Blessed.

"Writing Research Notes: Horses" - A beginner's guide to horse mindsets, whether horses like working, approaching horses, how to ride, and tips on training.

"Writing Research Notes: Bipolar Disorder" - Written by me, a writer with bipolar disorder! This shares basic facts about bipolar, offers a list of symptoms you can use, and cautions you against spreading misinformation through poor characterization or myths.

"Writing Research Notes: Politics" - I provide a quick overview about governments and international relations, based off my suffering while getting an MA in International Relations.

"Stop Doing This in Injury Fics!" by @pygmi-says-hi - Discusses some common errors when writing whump/angst. The fever part was especially helpful for me!

"Writing US Military Characters" by @lookbluesoup - An explanation of the habits and mentality of US military characters. Many of these were quite helpful for my fantasy military characters, so you can get a lot of mileage out of these for soldiers in other militaries too!

Little Funsies

"What Painting Style Is Your Writing?" - A short exploration of different writing styles to help you better understand your own approach.

I'll be adding onto this as I continue to scroll through my old likes and, of course, as I find more resources.

[221bshrlocked]

Defenses

Pairing: Captain Rex x Jedi AFAB!Reader

Words: 17,202 (apologies)

Warnings: Mutual Pining. Idiots in Love. Misunderstandings (that are addressed throughout). Overprotective Rex. Innocent touches turn Not-So-Innocent...Love Confessions. "Enthusiastic" Feelings. Dirty, Sweet Talk. Brief Oral (female receiving). Brief Hand Job. Pentrative, Unprotected Sex (wrap it up folks). Creampie. Cuddling.

Summary: Under the assumption that your friend's Captain cannot stand the sight of you, you steer clear of him throughout the Life Day Celebrations. But when the diplomatic visit takes an unexpected turn, you're forced to act as bait so Anakin and Rex capture the assassin chasing after the Prince of Dondri. An accidental encounter on the final night of the mission brings clarity to certain matters for you...and reveals some of your own secrets to Rex.

Prompts: The Christmas ornament is supposedly enchanted. // Scene inspired by the image of a boat decked out in Christmas lights. // After the blizzard hits, they’re stuck together for a while, and they have to stay warm.

A/N: Hope everyone is enjoying their holidays. This gift is for the lovely @loving-the-cambridges who's also taking part of the Life Day Gift Exchange by @cloneficgiftexchange . Your little prompts are fanfic heaven for me so I hope I incorporated them to your liking, albeit with the twists I made to them. And I am so so sorry for the slight delay friend!!! Happy Reading :D

P.S. It's overdue by a year but I'm also writing this for the @clonexreaderbingo challenge (which was about a year ago).

As the festivities continue, you look to the sky and find yourself meditating on the constellations twinkling high above the laughter and dancing. You wander along the edge of the celebrations, the sound of music and enthusiastic drinking fading into the background and pushing a smile onto your features. You watch as the 501st relax with the people of Dondri, and if you didn’t know better, you would think this was another normal rotation for them. But as all things, the joy goes as quickly as it comes when you look towards one particular member of the legion and find him standing near the Prince, his eyes scanning the crowd to ensure the safety of the royal family. 

Maker, it truly was unfair how effortlessly attractive that man was. Whatever he was doing, even if he was merely lounging or standing quietly and doing nothing, he looked absolutely exquisite. And with every ounce of your being, you wished you were only physically attracted to him. But the opposite was true; the genuine dedication and care he upheld with everything that he did was what first caught your eye. Never have you met someone as tender and responsible as him. It would have been so much easier if you just found him objectively handsome, but like everything you’ve had to reevaluate recently, you knew whatever emotions stirring within you each time you are in his presence were based on more than his looks. It was such a dangerous thought process though, because for the first time since you were knighted, you genuinely debated ignoring the rules and confessing to him your feelings. He was everything you could ever want and so much more. 

Too bad he couldn’t stand the sight of you. 

It was so unfortunate, but perhaps it was for the best. Maybe if the feelings were mutual, things would have been more complicated, more so for him than for you. So much would have been at stake, the most important being his position and well-being. But a part of you secretly hoped that he, at least, tolerated working with you. And you would have thought he did, if it weren’t for the fact that he tended to leave every time you were in the same room. Each suggestion you made, he would meet with some bit of hostility, not disrespect, but just irritation at the prospect of carrying out your commands. It was horrible. 

Yet it made you want him all the more. He had a sense of honor that he upheld more than most, a trait that was rare during these times. A characteristic that made you avoid him at every chance you could so as to not make him uncomfortable. You were not his General, but you were a General, one that he would have no choice but respect publicly. It made no sense to limit his whereabouts, certainly not during a time like this. 

Which is how you found yourself walking away each time he joined your company. If you were discussing an issue or two with Anakin and he joined, you would excuse yourself, telling both men that they could handle whatever the problem was without your help. If you were playing sabbac with Fives and Kix, and he sat beside them, you would feign a headache and leave, letting them know that you would get some rest. And if you were hanging around the royal family, learning about the Life Day Celebrations on their planet and saw him walking towards you, you would let them know that you were to make rounds for the night and exit the room, not once looking back as you left him behind. Granted, it made things especially difficult since you needed to discuss much with the Prince and his sister, and he was, somehow, always around you when you were with them, but you didn’t want to accidentally offend him further. 

Whatever grudge he held against you did not need to grow simply because of your ego. 

No. It was best you watched him from afar. It had to be.

You make your way towards one particularly large tree, hiding behind it in order to look at the man without anyone noticing. Always putting his job before anything else, Rex stands firmly in his place, arms crossed in front of him and lips pouting in attention. You allow your eyes to move down his form, and silently curse yourself when you realize where your mind may be racing towards. 

“Stare any harder and he might magically appear in front of you.” You shut your eyes and drop your face forward to hide the heated flush making its way towards your cheeks. Of course he knew where you’d be standing, and who you’d be daydreaming about. 

“Shouldn’t you be talking to the Prince about his involvement in the war?” You begrudgingly hiss at him, knowing that your reaction will be adding fuel to the fire. 

“Shouldn’t you?” Anakin retorts instantly, making you wish you weren’t chosen for this mission. 

“I would, except everyone on this planet is currently into their third cup of Corellian whiskey so I highly doubt anyone will be paying attention.” You finally turn around and face Anakin, already hating the smirk on his face when he notices how flustered you are.

“Funny, that’s exactly why I’m not talking to him either.” He steps in front of you and rests his weight on the tree, throwing back a cup of maker knows what before handing it to you. 

“No, thank you.”

“You need it more than I do,” he shoves it one last time into your hands, nodding in victory when you take it and drink the rest of it down. You wince at the bitter taste but silently thank him for handing it to you. Neither of you say anything for a while, more entertained by the shenanigans of your men as they made absolute fools of themselves in front of the Dondrians. 

“You should really talk to him.” The sentiment irritates you more than it should. You know he means well, but given the circumstances, and who you were, you found the suggestion a little insensitive. 

“I’ll keep that in mind, good night.” You hand him back the cup, hand ensuring that your weapon is still on your hip before moving across the crowds. You don’t dare make eye contact with anyone, afraid they’d drag you into whatever game they were playing and force you to stay longer. 

But as you strut past your friends, something slowly pushes against the back of your mind, nagging you until you halt in your steps and study the forest. You stare across the groups of celebrations, turning around just in time to see Anakin running through his men. You push through the drunk masses, and only when you’re a few steps away from the royal family do you hear the high-pitched sound of a blaster going off. 

Without thinking much of the consequences, you sprint towards the upper table and violently shove Rex out of the way, shutting your eyes in pain when the blaster hits your side and barely misses the Prince and his sister. The joyful laughter quickly turns into panicked cries, and you look down at the two members of the family you were meant to be watching closely, praying to the maker that neither of them are injured or else this diplomatic journey would turn into a political nightmare. 

“Are you hurt?” You ask them both, sighing in relief when they pat each other down and realize that neither of them were hit. 

“Stay down,” you order the two of them, standing to your full height and igniting your lightsaber, but not before glancing to the side to make sure that Rex was unharmed. You feel your heart skip a beat when you find his eyes and see the anger swimming in them. 

“Don’t leave their side,” you tell Rex before taking off, already regretting the argument you will surely have with him when everything calms down. As if you needed to give him more reasons to dislike you. You will yourself to focus on finding the assassin, stopping in front of a group of clones to see which of them can follow you. 

“If you haven’t been drinking, follow me. The rest of you look after these people.” Five men stand to their feet at your command, already putting their helmets on to try and see where they should head. A part of you knows that you may have already lost this hunter in the crowd but you try to find him regardless, knowing that the celebrations may come to a halt and cause even more unrest with the Dondrians if you don’t at least try to find anything about him. 

You run towards the cluster of trees high on the hills, certain that it was the best vantage point where you can see everything unfolding within the crowds. But with each step you take, you feel the wound on your side burn in anger, begging you to take a moment of respite before resuming any movement. 

“You’ve been hit,” you don’t mean to snap at him, but Anakin’s remark sends you in a fit of irritation and you smack his hand away when he tries to move your robe to the side to get a better look at the bleeding gash. 

“No shit, genius.” His eyes narrow at your tone, but you know he isn’t taking any offense to your little outburst. You’re about to head to higher ground when you feel a hand grab at your arm and pull you back. 

“Enough, you and I both know we won’t find him. Not now at least. Come on.” He motions for his men to stand down, and they all look between you and him before they head down the hill first. As much as you hate to admit it, you know Anakin’s right, and you reluctantly sheath your lightsaber again before following him towards the calming throngs of people surrounding the royal family. As you bump into the soldiers, you do your best to refrain from reacting to the searing pain beating at your side, knowing that Anakin will make sure Kix doesn’t allow you to so much as breathe the wrong way. You couldn’t afford getting his attention, not when you could feel the eyes of a certain clone staring daggers into the back of your head as you paused and stood in front of him to speak with the Prince. You see him engage in a conversation with Anakin, worried at the prospect of anyone in his family getting hurt due to his recent change in political stance. 

“While I can appreciate the importance of this issue, we need to get you inside.” You turn between him and your old friend, waiting quietly until they acknowledge your suggestion before moving behind them towards the gate of the city. Making sure that each member of the inner circle is accompanied by a couple of your men, you stay back to rest your side, turning your eyes to the sky in an attempt to focus on anything but the excruciating burning beating at your skin. You’re almost distracted too when you feel a hand rest on your back while another holds your upper arm. 

“You need to go to medbay.” The calm, soothing voice of none other than the man you’ve been doing your best to avoid signals a wave of heat to course across your body, and before you can try and argue with him, you feel lightheaded, the adrenaline finally leaving your body completely with nothing but a faint memory of what had happened. You brace yourself on his shoulders, shaking your head and furrowing your eyebrows at him when you look up and see the angry grimace from before returning with a vengeance. 

“If it’s all the same to you Captain, I think it’s best I just go and rest. No need for medbay.” You try to let go of his shoulders but as soon as you take a step back, your body sways and nearly falls over. His arms brace against him, and had you been a little more present, maybe a little more mischievous, you would have asked him to buy you dinner first. But you weren’t too conscious of what was happening, so you accept the help quietly, not bothering to say anything even when Kix comes around and supports your weight as well. 

“With all due respect sir, Rex may not outrank you, but I do…when it comes to your wellbeing at least. Come on.” You miss the way he looks at Rex, and you definitely don’t notice Rex’s clenched jaw as he reluctantly lets go and makes sure you won’t fall over. And you unfortunately don’t see the look Rex gives you, guilty that you felt the need to push him out of harm’s way and take the hit instead. 

The three of you walk in silence back to the city, and when you get to base, you glance back at Rex and frown when you see how angry he is with you. Had you been more aware however, you would have realized that he was not upset with you, but at this whole situation. As soon as you enter medbay, you lay down in one of the beds, hissing in pain when your lightsaber accidentally brushes the open gash on your side. 

“Let me take this,” Rex moves to your side and attempts to grab your weapon, but you flinch at the sudden movement, eyes panicked at the prospect of not having your lightsaber with you, even though you were perfectly safe here. 

“You don’t have to, I-”

“General, don’t make this more difficult than it already is.” He sighs heavily, the reaction hurting you more than it should. Of course he thought you were a burden. He was probably supposed to be with Anakin but felt the need to remain by your side out of duty. You don’t mean to, but your hand falls back in defeat, eyes watering almost instantly at being such an inconvenience to him. If he notices the way you react to his words, he says nothing and approaches you slowly once more, as if he was walking towards a wounded, helpless animal. He says nothing as he unclips the lightsaber from your side and clasps it on his own belt. 

“Rex, I need you to leave.” Kix interrupts as he walks towards you, pointing at the door so Rex could leave. 

“Why?” You think he’s being a little defensive, but you brush the thought aside, knowing for a fact that there is no reason why the Captain of the 501st would want to stay behind just for you. 

“Because it’s my job to take her armor off and treat her, not yours. Get out!” Kix is more assertive than before, and you shut your eyes to avoid looking at either of them as they continue to talk about you. Something shifts in the air but you choose to ignore it as well, barely managing to open your eyes and gaze at Rex when he whispers in return. 

“I’ll be outside.” He looks at you as if the last thing he wishes to do is leave this room, and you’re not sure what prompts you to, but you nod in acknowledgement to let him know that you’re thankful for him, watching him exit the room, but not without looking back at you one last time. As the door slides shut behind him, Kix silently removes your armor and clothes, not bothering to say anything else as he begins cleansing the wound and suturing it. 

You’re not sure how long you’re on that bed, but when the medic lets you know that he’s almost done, you realize that you’ve been clenching your hands the entire time. Relaxing your muscles completely, you thank him and sit up, waiting until he covers your side with a bacta patch before standing fully again.

“You know, if I have to stand around one more minute and watch the two of you act like…like fucking bantha, I might just shoot myself and be done with it.” Kix says with a smirk, not caring for your passive aggressive remark as he applies the patch and pushes a little too hard on the skin to get you to be quiet. 

“You’re a medic Kix, not a therapist.” 

“Yeah well, someone’s going to have to tell you both to get your heads out of your asses…respectfully sir.” Once again, you narrow your eyes at him and shake your head, not bothering to wait until he puts the armor back on before grabbing it and walking to the closest mirror to see what he’s done. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” You say in passing, irritated and confused by his choice in words. 

“Sure you don’t.” You’re about to respond when he opens the door to the room and calls for Rex to come back. Surprisingly, it takes a few seconds for Rex to come and stand beside you again, studying your features as you look at the covered wound and try to see which movements hurt and which don’t.

“The wound isn’t too deep but it is pretty large. It should heal in the next few hours, assuming you switch the bacta patch and put on a new one. In the meantime, I’d suggest you don’t partake in any serious, physical activity…unless of course you’re with-” 

“Alright, that’s enough.” You turn around quickly and snap at him, mentally patting yourself on the back when you see his smile drop instantly at the realization that he may have gone just a little too far. You quickly glance at Rex and find him confused at your outburst, but he says nothing and instead unclips the lightsaber from his belt and returns it to you. For a brief second, your fingers pass against his softly, and you feel chills run down your spine at how calloused and warm they felt against your own. 

“Thank you,” you whisper your gratitude to Kix one last time before practically sprinting out of the room, feeling the frustration rise deep within your chest when you notice Rex falling into step with you. You had hoped that he wouldn’t follow you back, mostly because you were planning on visiting the Prince to ensure that he understands not to be seen by anyone until you’ve resolved this rather problematic hiccup. 

“I’m sure there is something more worth your time Captain…you can leave if you wish.” You say assertively, praying to the Force that he reads between the lines and leaves you to your devices. 

“If it’s all the same to you General, I think it’s best I make sure you return to your quarters safely.” You expected his response, but hearing it irks you more than you initially thought and you speed up in an attempt to distract yourself. 

“While I appreciate your concern, I am of help to no one if I return to my rooms. Where’s Anakin?”

“He is with the Prince. Sir, I strongly request for you to return to your room.” Ever the Captain, he doesn’t budge once in his stance and catches up to you, going as far as taking a few more steps until he stops ahead and forces you to slow down. 

“Captain, please.”

“You'll be helpful to no one if you can’t keep up.” He crosses his arms and stares straight into your eyes, not once caring for how you could easily write him up for insubordination. 

“I need to see Anakin, I think I have a plan to catch this assassin.” You take a deep breath and relay your intentions to him, preparing yourself for an onslaught of questions and push back to the plan you have in mind. 

“How do you know it’s an assassin and not a bounty hunter?” You notice the way his body language shifts from defensive to a more curious, even docile manner. 

“No one in their right mind would come to Dondri during the Life Day Celebrations just to kidnap a member of the royal family. Also, I’m fairly certain he was aiming straight at his head.”

“And how do you plan on catching him?” He furrows his eyebrows at you, making you wish he wasn’t standing so close to you so you’re affected by every little detail you keep observing about him. Shaking the thought aside, you take advantage of his distracted mind, walking around him and continuing towards the royal palace. 

“By giving him exactly who he wants.”

“Sir, please.” He calls out to you one last time, this time with an exasperated sigh that you wish was out of care and not duty.  

“Captain, your request is noted.” You turn around one last time against your better judgement, watching closely as Rex’s pout deepens before he switches his attention to the ground. You study him then, wondering why he was suddenly so intent on your well being. It’s not as if he never showed any concern before, but there was something strange now, something you chalked up to what you did earlier. 

You almost tell him to accompany you to Anakin, but then remember what he might say when he finds out what you have in mind to catch this man. Footsteps echo in the hallway as you practically run to Anakin, and you’re glad when you find him standing alone outside the Prince’s quarters. He looks up when he hears the frantic stomps growing closer, his expression falling as soon as he realizes it’s you approaching him. 

“Wow, you should be resting. What are you doing here?” He’s half-concerned, half-surprised, the faint lines of a smile betraying how irritated he is at seeing you.

“I think I know how to catch this guy.” You straighten up, gazing at your friend until his apprehensiveness gives way to genuine interest. 

“I’m listening.” Anakin pushes away from the wall, eyes narrowing at you as he turns fully to face you. 

“I highly doubt he will want to try again in such a crowded place so he will definitely wait till the Prince is by himself.” You step closer to him, anchoring your thoughts to the best of your abilities as the pain in your side begins to return once more. 

“Yeah, that’s not going to happen.” He shakes his head strongly, frowning at whatever idea you had in store for him. 

“Listen. We will give him what he wants, or at least, what he thinks he wants.” Anakin’s gaze shoots up then, and you watch the moment his confusion turns into a deep interest and desire to solve the issue.

“Elaborate.” His jaw is tight, and you brace yourself for whatever reaction he gives when you tell him about your idea.

“He knows how important his Celebration is, and he also knows that part of it involves the King-to-be going out into the lake and offering blessings to the gods on behalf of his subjects. So, we make him think the Prince is actually going out there.” Your voice is low but even, pausing in your explanation to gauge Anakin’s reaction. 

“You’re suggesting a decoy?” His gaze is steady but you don’t budge, not wanting to give him any reason to think you are unready or reluctant to lead the mission. 

“Yes, I am.” You nod confidently, glancing behind you and biting into your cheek when you see Rex walking toward the two of you. 

“So the Prince will be safe in his quarters the whole time.”

“Yes,” you exhale through your nose, bracing yourself for the question you’re sure will be asked at any moment now.

“And who’s the lucky guy that will replace him?” He throws his hands up then, as if to say he doesn’t agree with the plan but has no choice.

“Me.” You don’t flinch as you respond immediately, shutting your eyes to calm yourself when you hear Rex’s outburst next to you. 

“No.”

“Pardon me?” You turn to face him, not bothering to control your aggressive tone as you ask him to repeat himself. Rex can tell you don’t appreciate his response, passively shaking his head and glancing between you and Anakin to try and indirectly ask your friend for help. 

“I…don’t think that’s wise.” He repeats again, and you miss the way Anakin hides his smile behind his hand.

“Don’t shoot me, but I think I agree with Rex on this one.” It’s Anakin’s turn to pitch in, his voice harder than before and making you wish you didn’t get easily rattled by such minimal details. 

“Well, good thing I outrank the both of you.” You know better than to say something so superficial, and you shrug your shoulders when Anakin replies straight away with an annoyed lilt in his voice. 

“You don’t outrank me!”

“Okay, yes but…you’re still healing. I’m all for taking risks-” You cut him off then, not appreciating the hypocrisy of his words and actions. 

“But not when it’s someone else?” Standing your ground, you meet his gaze and search his face for any sign of hesitation, knowing that he has already agreed to your suggestion when he shifts his weight and pretends to still think about it. 

“Why not me?” He asks quietly, the question meant less to argue and more to keep the peace. 

“Because I’d rather we take this guy alive. Sorry Ani, but I don’t exactly guarantee the outcome with you.” You feel bad for critiquing his tactics but you don’t back down, wanting him to know that you prepared to see this to the end. 

“Fair enough.”

“Good, you can tell the Prince our plan. Make him address the people in an hour, something along the lines of ‘he won’t be bullied out of his duty’ and then we can head down to the lake.” Stepping aside, you walk around both men while telling them what to do, wanting to deal with this hiccup as soon as possible so you can address the real reasons behind your visit to the planet. 

“Where are you going?” Anakin asks, gesturing between himself and the room behind him. 

“Get dressed. I need to look the part.”

Going back to your room, you do your best to think of the task at hand, but with every question you ask yourself, you find your thoughts shifting towards Rex. A part of you wishes he only objected because he doesn’t want to see you get hurt, but the more irrational side of your brain is convinced it’s only because he doesn’t trust your judgement. You’ve never given him any reason to doubt your abilities, so you aren’t sure why he still can’t accept your discernment. 

As you step into the room, you strip down and walk towards your case, bringing out a new pair of robes and placing them on the bed. You make your way to the refresher and freshen up, doing your best to put the discomfort in your side out of your mind. When you hear the sound of the broadcasting, you forgo switching the bacta patch and get dressed quickly, afraid Anakin will move ahead without you. You return to the Prince’s quarters in record time, hood placed over your head to shield you from any prying eyes not meant to know it’s you. Stopping in front of Anakin, you make sure there are guards posted inside and outside the royal rooms, quickly letting him know that none of the servants know the plan to avoid anyone saying anything to the wrong person. 

“You ready?” Anakin asks, leaning into your space to gauge your reaction while pretending to protect you as you walk towards the nearby lake.

“Let me get back to you on that.” You chuckle in response, pretending your attention isn’t on the annoyed Captain flanking your other side. 

“Hey, it was your idea.” Anakin straightens up once more, eyes studying the slowly growing crowds seeing you to the lake 

“It sure was.” Your answer is clipped, mostly because you can tell that Rex isn’t getting any calmer beside you. 

“I hate this.” The three words are whispered, yet the way in which Rex says them makes you wish you could ask him here and now when he was so adamant on letting you know he doesn’t agree with your decision.

“You have something on your mind Captain?”

“Yes, loads as a matter of fact.” It’s the first time Rex answers in such an abrupt, curt manner. Before, he used to offer a silent apology if he spoke out of line, but seeing his anger sizzle deeper with each step you took towards the lake makes you all the more irritable. 

“Well, don’t let me interrupt you.” You answer monotonously, not bothering to hide how vexed you feel from the constant bickering with him. 

“Hey guys, as much as I appreciate your flirting, let’s focus here. You’ll be on the boat by yourself and we won’t be anywhere near until we see someone coming towards you. If things take a turn and you find yourself in a particularly awkward position, just push this button and we’ll come to you.” The two of you face Anakin, and while Rex looks away embarrassingly, you stare at your friend, silently telling him to watch himself and not test you. 

“That won’t be necessary, I’m going with her on the boat.” The ease with which Rex replies grabs your attention right away, and it’s your turn to be at the receiving end of his sheepish expression. You wonder if he knows how uneasy he looks returning your gaze.

Or how unfairly handsome he is as he leaves no room for discussion. 

“No, you’re not.”

“Yes, I am.” He doesn’t blink once, meeting your adamance with a stubbornness you’ve never seen before. 

“Captain, if he sees you coming on the boat, he will not come.” Anakin tries to alleviate the tension but neither of you back down, wanting the other to step away first. 

“I’m not taking a chance with you. And…he won’t see me coming on the boat, not if I swim out to you and climb on.” The firmness with which he explains himself nearly makes you think there’s more to this offer than meets the eye, and you forgo proprietary to ask him what he means by not wanting to take a chance with you. 

“Captain, you’re-”

“Why do you constantly make things difficult for me?” He cuts you off then, the swift question quiets you immediately and forces you to look ahead, away from the company surrounding you. 

“I’ll take that as a yes then.” Anakin whispers and you hate how he always wants to get the final word in. You walk the rest of the way in absolute silence, your mind flickering with hope at the prospect of Rex feeling anything other than despise for you. 

“We’re here.” 

“Good luck.” Anakin snaps you out of your haze as he readies the boat, and you nod at him before stepping onto it. You undo the rope, and make your way to the front of the swaying sail, not bothering to turn around when you feel it moving softly through the water. You focus on the dark body of water ahead of you, looking up to the sky and marveling at the twinkling stars as they shine above you. Only when you hear faint scratching at the hull of the boat do you remember what you’re supposed to do. Waiting until the boat is angled ahead and away from the shore, you turn on the comm link and step forward to see where Rex is hanging on.

“Are we far enough from shore?” You ask Anakin, praying you receive an affirmative answer quickly so Rex can get out of the cold water. 

“Yes,” Anakin gives you the go-ahead, and you pull the hood of your cloak higher before turning on the lights around the boat to offer a brief distraction. 

“Permission to come on board, General?” Rex asks strenuously, and you wonder if this is his attempt at being civil.

“Granted, come up before you freeze to death.” He pulls himself up right away, and you point to the small room in the lower deck, not wanting him to be seen by anyone that may be watching you. 

“Stay low.” You whisper to him, wishing you could take your cloak off and offer it to him so he can get warmer. 

The slow rocking of the boat lulls you into a fake sense of peace, and you force yourself to remain passive to the presence of the man behind you. The lights flicker softly around you, and when you lean over to touch one of the ornaments hanging on the cords, a shooting pain coursing across your abdomen prevents you from moving so much as a muscle. 

“How’s your side?” Rex notices you wincing and almost approaches you, but you shake your head to prevent him from coming up the deck. 

“It’s fine.” You clench your fists tightly as you right yourself, not wanting to appear suspicious. It’s quiet for a few minutes before you decide to return whatever civility Rex was attempting to offer you. 

“Hmm, it’s quite beautiful out here.” Your eyes are glued to the night sky, completely missing the way Rex longingly gazes at you when he agrees. 

“Yes, it is.” A shiver runs down your spine at the low, whispered tone of his voice, and when you turn your attention towards him, you find him shaking from the cold air seeping through his armor. 

“You’re cold.” There’s an apology at the tip of your tongue, and Rex must see how bad you feel about this because he shrugs his shoulders and tells you otherwise. 

“I’ll manage.”

“You shouldn’t be here. I really don’t understand why you were adamant on coming with me.” It’s not what you want to say to Rex, far from it. But you know for a fact you can’t be straightforward and ask him why he didn’t back down and decided to join you. 

“It is my job to protect you.” Again, you’re thrown off by how soft and docile he sounds, and it takes every ounce of control in your body to not turn around and stare into his eyes as you ask him the next question. 

“Job? Is that the only reason why you’re here?”

“Y-yes. Why else would I turn down shore leave?” Had he not hesitated, you would have believed him and dropped the subject. But something about the way he becomes defensive makes you think there may be another reason he isn’t too keen on sharing. 

“What I don’t understand is why you would turn down shore leave to serve with someone you can’t stand the sight of. That’s what I don’t understand.” You know better than to bring attention to the bantha in the room, but you figure if you addressed the animosity, he might finally tell you why he isn’t your biggest fan. The last thing you expect, though, is the defensive retaliation he exudes in response. 

“Can’t stand? Who…who are you talking about?”

“Come on Captain, feigning ignorance doesn’t suit you.” You huff in frustration, not wanting to elaborate further and make this any more awkward. 

“With all due respect sir, you are not making any sense.” He chuckles then, and as beautiful as the sound is, it sets your teeth on edge. How dare he see this as a laughing matter?

“It’s obvious to anyone with a pair of eyes that you find it barely tolerable to be in the same vicinity as me. So I ask again, why did you miss out on a much deserved break to be here?” Against your better judgment, you turn around and face him, not caring for anything happening outside this moment. 

“What gave you the impression that I can’t stand you?” Rex stands up and takes a step up towards you, the smile on his face falling instantly when he realizes that you weren’t joking. You were being dead serious. And you definitely believed everything you just said to him. 

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe the fact that anytime we’re in the same room, you find it difficult to stay for more than a few minutes before leaving. Or…or how you constantly meet each one of my tactical suggestions with an unfavorable reaction. Or the fact that you treat me like a child when I’ve clearly proven myself capable of handling any tough situation with ease. Any of these ring a bell?” You’re breathing heavily, unable to look away from him even though you wish you could be anywhere else but in front of the man that has simultaneously inspired so many mixed emotions ever since he came into your life.

“I- I’m…” He hesitates, and you almost feel bad for throwing so much at him at such an inopportune time. When his frown deepens and his eyes shift to the ground, you shake your head and return to observing the lights all around the boats. You envy the little balls of light, wishing you were one of them as they continued to flicker and not give a single care to anything happening around them. 

“I am sorry…for ever making you feel all those things when they are the farthest from the truth.” His words cut through you like a long, thin needle, and you find yourself reluctantly turning around to face him once more, wanting to make sure you weren’t imagining what he just admitted. 

“I hold you in the highest regard General, and if I ever push back on your commands, it’s never out of respect, but concern. Pure concern.” He swallows nervously, waiting until he has your undivided attention before continuing to confess his own doubts. 

“If anything, I feel as if you’ve been actively avoiding me this entire week. With each turn, you somehow find an excuse to leave before I can join your company.” The revelation is enough to set your heart racing, and you have to shut your eyes to focus on calming yourself as you address his impression.

“I- well I just thought that I was bothering you and I figured it wouldn’t make sense if you felt limited simply because I’m around. I wanted to give you the freedom to do whatever you desired, without me standing in the way.” It’s your turn to clear the ruminating misunderstanding, and only when Rex responds shyly do you realize that you’re the source of months and months of misjudgment. 

“I see.” Rex is defeated, and you wish you hadn’t brought this up while you’re in the middle of the mission because you want nothing more than to join him down in the lower deck and tell him how sorry you are for causing him to question himself. 

“It seems you have every right to think me unfit to lead after all. All these assumptions lead to months of misunderstandings, all because of me.” You break the silence, trying your best to not let either of your revelations bring tears to your eyes. You fist your hands tightly to hold yourself back from doing something that might make him uncomfortable.  

“Never, I’d never think that of you.” He meets your eyes instantly, shaking his head and waiting until you accept his peace offering before moving back down to the lower deck.

“I guess it’s best if we just…start fresh.” You say with a faint smile, feeling your chest collapse slowly when Rex returns the smile and nods in agreement. 

“As you wish, sir.”

The night air shifts following those four simple words, and you blink a few times at Rex before returning to your place. You’re not sure how long you’re on that boat, but when the wind picks up, you hope things don’t take a turn for the worse before you catch the assassin who, up until a few minutes ago, you were convinced would have already come to you. Rex is awfully quiet and when you glance behind you, you see him holding a small ornament in his hand, the shape of which is unclear until he looks up and notices you staring at him. He shyly shows it to you, and you smile at him when you note what it is. 

“Gorgeous bird, isn’t it?” 

“What is it?” He gazes at the delicate ornament, its red surface shimmering with flecks of gold and crimson under the soft glow of the night sky and the lights dusted all around the boat. 

“It’s a phoenix, a legendary bird that captivates whoever comes across it in the wild with its vibrant colors and remarkable life cycle.” You watch as Rex marvels at how something so small could evoke such warmth, wondering if he knows that he inspires similar feelings in you. 

“It’s particularly special to the Dondrians because it’s believed to have originated on their world. Its symbolism of renewal and immortality makes it the perfect representation of what Life Day means to them.” 

“What do you mean?” Gently, he turns it in his hands, unwilling to let go of it as he hangs it back where he found it, completely enchanted by its quiet beauty and whom it reminds him of. 

“Well, it lives for several hundred years until it reaches a point where it builds a nest of aromatic wood and sets itself ablaze.” You can tell your words surprise him because he looks from you to the small ornament of the bird, face falling at the thought of a bird practically ending its own life. 

“It…it kills itself?”

“Yes, and no. As the flames consume it, it is reborn from its own ashes, emerging more radiant and young than before. This cycle of death and rebirth represents the very idea of Life Day…of destruction coming from new life, of the importance of transformation, resilience, and hope. The way it embraces its own death and resurrection encourages others to embrace change and look forward to new beginnings.” The way in which he seems to hold on to every single word you say lights a little blaze of hope deep in your soul, and you pray to the maker that whatever change in your relationship lasts long after tonight comes to an end. Rex nods in understanding, trailing his fingers across the glass bird before switching his attention to similar ornaments hanging all around the two of you. 

“They say any representation of the phoenix is supposedly enchanted.” You don’t want the conversation to end, and your smile widens when you see how suddenly interested Rex is in the bird’s mythology.

“Enchanted?”

“Hmm. If you hold that ornament in your hand and wish for anything…anything in this universe, it will fall right into your lap soon after and mark the beginning of a new chapter.” Not even a second later, Rex is taking the phoenix in his hand once more, shutting his eyes and murmuring something to himself. You watch with fascination how utterly captivated he is by the sentiment, and you wonder what he could possibly wish for so quickly. When his eyes flutter open and he finds you already staring at him, he puts the ornament down and stands up, his facial expression turning a lot more serious than a moment ago. 

“Sir, I-” “Heads up, someone’s coming.” Anakin cuts him off and you curse the timing of your guest’s arrival. You shut the comm link off completely, mouthing a quick apology to Rex as he moves out of sight while preparing his blaster. You face away from the sound of the approaching boat and pretend to flinch as soon as you hear a loud crashing sound signal the arrival of your wanted man. 

“You’re dumber than they told me, more conceited too.” The accent is not lost on you, and you file that little bit of information for later. The wind howls across the water, and you begin to move but hear a warning that prevents you from facing the assassin. 

“Ah ahh, turn around slowly.” You hold your hands up as you obey the command, no longer bothering to hide yourself as you fully face him. His breath, a lot calmer than now, comes in short, panicked bursts. His expression falls completely, and you can tell you were the last person he was expecting to see from the fearful air about him. 

“You? Where…where is the Prince?” The smirk you could hear before no longer tugs at his lips, his tone more taunting than now that he knew his mission is not possible.

“Like you said, it would have been extremely absurd if we allowed him to come out here by himself.” His eyes widen in horror, and you tilt your head slightly, hesitating to say more when his figure trembles at the mere sight of you. 

“You’re a Jedi! You’re the one who saved him.”

“Don’t try anything, you’re surrounded and it won’t be easy to escape.” You reply coolly, gaze sharp and unwavering as recognition flashes across his face. 

“This doesn’t have to end badly. Tell me who hired you.” You raise your hand slightly, a subtle warning that you hope he would take to heart and not test. His shoulders sag at the dangerous lilt in your voice, his breathing growing more erratic at the thought of being your captive. 

“I- I can’t.” Sweat glistens on his brow as you meet his aggression with an eerie calmness. 

“We can help you, please.” Your voice is softer now, still firm but not as menacing as before. Taking a step closer to him, you try to impose some sense of tranquility, but his jaws only tighten, his gaze farting around the empty lake in an attempt to find an answer to his predicament. 

“No, you can’t. No one can…if I don’t kill the Prince, he’ll kill me.” His voice cracks, and you watch as his eyes glisten with something between terror and acceptance of what will surely happen now that he failed in his mission. 

“Who?” Your question is followed by a panicked raising of the blaster to your head, and before you can give him another warning glance, you hear Rex ascend behind you, blaster aimed at the man’s head and fingers ready to pull the trigger. 

“Don’t even think about it.” Rex’s tone adds fuel to the fire, the tension rippling along with the waves hitting the hull of the ship. 

“Stand down Captain.” You turn your gaze to Rex, not wanting him to make matters worse.

“I can’t do that sir.” Rex’s voice is tight, and he doesn’t bother meeting your eyes, knowing that if he were to look at you, the man in front of him might take the distraction as an advantage. 

“He’ll kill me, he’ll kill all of us.” The words tumble out in a frenzy, making you fist your hands tightly in discomfort. You ignore Rex for the time being, slowly stepping towards the assailant to try and calm him down once more. 

“Just tell me who he is and I will make sure you’re safe.” Your voice cuts through the hysteria for a second, and you think you can manage to make him put the blaster down without controlling him, but then he whisks the blaster away from you and towards Rex, the reaction instantly making you see red. 

“No, you’re all dead. We’re all dead.”

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you. This conversation is between you and me, not him.” Your tone drops, no longer friendly or soothing, but searing with displeasure at the sudden change of events. 

“I’m warning you, this doesn’t have to turn ugly.” You try one last time to make him put the blaster down, but sensing the shift in his demeanor, you light your lightsaber just as he shakes his head in madness and readies the blaster. There’s something strange about the way he continues to look up at the lightning shining across the sky, and you follow his line of sight to see if someone is approaching. His panicked movement increases as the crashing sound of thunder increases, and you narrow your eyes at him, unsure of why he was reacting so drastically to the weather. You find yourself lacking sympathy for him, not because of what he’s done, but because of what you see he’s about to do.

“It’s done, we’re- we’re all d-”

You don’t let him finish, sending your lightsaber straight into his chest before dragging it back to your hands. Neither you nor Rex say anything for a moment, and only when you feel the boat rock violently do you finally snap out of the momentary haze you’re in and tell Rex to hold onto something. 

“Pfassk, we need to get back to shore before this storm drowns us.” You’re afraid to look at Rex, unsure of what you’d find swimming in his eyes, if he’s disappointed, shocked or simply disturbed by how easily you took the man’s life. You reach out to the lake bank, focusing on bringing the sail closer to dry land as quickly as possible out of fear of putting Rex’s life and your own in any more danger. It takes longer than you like, but as soon as you reach Anakin, you exit the boat and remove your cloak, quickly handing it over to Rex before asking the others to drag the dead body away. 

“What happened?”

“He was manic…violent.” Rex answers Anakin’s question when you remain quiet, and as Anakin tries to learn anything from the soulless body, you stop pacing behind him and apply pressure to your side, the lack of adrenaline making way for a familiar, stabbing pain. 

“This fucking weather happened. He- maker, he would have listened to me. He would have, but the lightning terrified him. It was almost as if he thought it was after him.”

“So you killed him?” Anakin holds his hands up in question, not understanding why you changed your mind when you were the one who told him why you had to be on that boat, and not him. 

“No, I killed him because he aimed his blaster the wrong way.” Your voice is almost unrecognizable to you, and you watch as your old friend shrugs his shoulders before telling his men to take away the body. 

“We need to leave, or else we’ll get caught in this storm.” You remind them one last time, waiting until they start moving before turning around and looking to gauge Rex’s reaction to this whole ordeal. 

“Tell the Prince they can resume their festivities tonight if they wish. Assuming this doesn’t turn into a blizzard.” You tell Anakin, who nods in agreement and sprints ahead, not wanting to waste any more time outside now that the problem was “solved.”

“You don’t think there’ll be another?” Rex asks and you shake your head instantly, elaborating on why you think there isn’t another assassin running around. 

“No, whoever is behind this wouldn’t take the chance. One wouldn’t talk, two is too high a probability.” You meet his eyes for longer than you deem appropriate, and when he looks away first, you study your surroundings before heading behind Anakin, towards the royal palace. 

“Where are you going?”

“Back to my room, I think diplomacy can wait till tomorrow. Good night Captain.” You don’t bother turning around as you respond to him, knowing that you won’t be able to hold back from apologizing for your actions if you see an unfavorable expression aimed at you. 

An oddly familiar warmth engulfs you the farther you walk away from Rex, and it’s only when you’re back in your room that you realize what that sensation is. You’re confused as to how you could possibly be receptive to Rex’s feelings, but it occurs to you that you may be feeling a fraction of his own emotions simply because he’s allowing you to. Of course it may be unintentional on his side, but be that as it may, a part of him is so in tune with you that the Force decided to connect you to each other, or at least, make you respond to him on a much deeper level than you ever thought possible. 

You stand in the middle of your quarters, recalling every single word you’ve exchanged with Rex during the past rotation. As upset as you are with how certain things turned out, you come to appreciate them all, especially the fact that the two of you were sent on this mission together. You were finding the Life Day Celebrations extremely difficult to enjoy because of your relationship with the Captain, but if anything was proven in the past few hours, it’s that the time of year was truly on your side. 

You make your way to the refresher and find the bacta patch Kix gave you earlier, sighing irritatingly when you realize you forgot to change it. You strip off your clothes and stand in front of the mirror, biting into your cheek as you remove the bacta patch and throw it away. You find the wound almost healed, and you thank the maker you wouldn’t have to deal with it for a longer period. Letting it breathe for a few seconds, you walk around and turn on the hot water, wanting to bathe in a nice, warm bath before whatever you will have to do tomorrow. You move back to the mirror and unsheath the replacement patch, slowly applying it on your skin, and shivering when the cold chemicals make contact with the wound and the skin surrounding it. 

Unbeknownst to you, Rex has debriefed with Anakin and was already heading your way, wanting to make sure that you made it back safely and weren’t in need of anything. He hesitates for a long moment before knocking softly on your door several times, and when he doesn’t hear a response, he unlocks the door and walks in, taking in the small space before calling out for you again. He frowns at the lack of response, knowing that you were in much need of a good night rest. The room is dim, illuminated only by the light filtering through the windows behind the bed. Thinking that you didn’t make it back yet, he’s about to exit when he hears your groans echo through the refresher.

“Sir?” Rex tries, and when your whines only grow louder, he takes out his blaster and readies himself for whatever threat is in the refresher with you. The muffled sounds only grow, and he’s alarmed at the prospect of what he might find when he barges in. Taking calculated steps across the room, he finds the door to the refresher slightly ajar, and as soon as the quiet moan of discomfort reverberates in his ears, he takes two quick strides and pushes the door open, scanning the room in an attempt to find the source of your pained grunts. When he sees you standing half-naked in the middle of the refresher, with your hands massaging the skin around the wound, he lowers his blaster and shuts his eyes, cursing at his lack of sensibility. 

“Ahh kriffing hells. Oh maker, I- I’m sorry General. I thought that you were harmed and- pfassk.” Rex stammers through an apology, his face growing heated at catching you in such a vulnerable state. The tub beside you is half-full, and Rex feels his armor tightening around his crotch, images of you moaning in ecstasy as the water relieved all of your pain making him wish he was anywhere else but here. 

“That’s okay Rex,” you cut him off when you see his face burning with embarrassment, and you do your best to not dwell on the heat from before suddenly wrapping around you like a tight, weighted blanket. It’s endearing how shy he is being with you, and you’re about to giggle at his overreaction when you turn around and find his eyes set on you. There’s a different expression on his handsome features now, and you tilt your head to the side in confusion, unsure of why he was looking at you in such an intimate way. 

“What?” You decide to ask, knowing that things couldn’t possibly get any more awkward than they already have.

“I’ve never heard you say my name before.” The comment throws you off guard, and you look around the foggy room, hoping to find a response written somewhere. You meet his gaze again, and notice his body language relax, as if the sound of his name on your lips was all he needed to hear to grow more comfortable with you. 

“That can’t be true.” You know he’s not wrong, but you are also aware that you’ve called his name about a thousand times in the privacy of your room. You’ve called his name more often than you care to admit, but he had no way of knowing that, not when, up until a few hours ago, he genuinely thought you disliked him. 

“Believe me, I would remember it if you did.” He chuckles at you, the sound far from humorous and fully self-deprecating. There’s nothing comforting you can say to him, and you rub your temples to alleviate the sudden throbbing ache circling around your head. When he doesn’t move, you walk across the room to shut off the running water, distracting yourself from the predicament you now found yourself in. 

“Is there something you needed, Captain? I’m not exactly dressed for a debriefing but we’ll have to make do.” You stand up and motion around the room, wanting to get this over with so you can drown in self-pity when you’re left alone. 

“No General, I only wanted to- well, I came here to see if…” He’s tripping over his words, and it would be endearing if it weren’t for the fact that he just indirectly admitted to you what he felt when you called his name. 

“I know I’m not exactly being professional here but, since when do you get so tongue-tied around me?” You test the waters against your better judgement, wanting to see how far you can take this before one of you cracks. Rex shakes his head in defeat, and you realize that there’s no point in taking this any further, not when the man in front of you refused to cross the professional boundaries setting you apart. You couldn’t blame him. 

“Okay, here’s the thing Rex. I am freezing cold, and from what I’ve heard, the water won’t stay heated for a long time, especially during this weather. So until you decide what you want to do here, I will be getting in.” You take your slippers off and take a few steps around the tub, completely missing the puddle that collected from the flowing water.

“CAReful!” Rex is behind you in the blink of an eye, arms caging you against his chest to prevent you from slipping and hurting yourself. You grab onto his arms to right yourself but the floor is too wet, and you find yourself awfully closer to him than a second ago. You meet his gaze and are suddenly mesmerized by the hazel green of his eyes, the ones you can barely see around his dilated pupils. 

“Kriff, that would have been a really bad fall. Thank you.” Your attempt at a joke is met with a serious expression, and you drop the smile when Rex slowly steps away from the slippery floor to help you stand up. He lets go of you as soon as you stand up, and you find yourself a little hurt at how quickly he wants to step away from you. 

“For a Jedi, your reflexes sure are slow.” The comment is far from insulting, meant to diffuse the tension rising due to the circumstances, but for some reason, your mind decides to make things worse and respond with a statement that is far from harmless. 

“I guess we’re even now.” Rex’s expression falls as he continues staring at you, and he doesn’t dare say anything in return as he walks around you and makes his way out of the refresher. Something in the way he seems to be genuinely hurt by your comment makes you run after him and pull his arm to prevent him from leaving. He stops but doesn’t face you, and you suspect it may be because he is angry with how you make light of such a crucial moment. 

“I- I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. Please don’t- don’t be mad at me. I know we barely resolved our misunderstanding but I- I just… just don’t leave.” Your voice cracks as you practically beg him to stay, and only when he takes a deep breath and relaxes his shoulders slightly do you finally let go of him.

“You think I’m angry with you?” He turns around slowly and frowns at you, questioning your apology in a way that makes you think you were completely in the wrong. 

“Aren’t you?” You nervously play with your fingers, looking away from him when you can’t bear the scrutiny of his hurt impression any longer.

“No, maker no. I have never once, in my life, felt anything other than respect for you.” He reaches out for you, placing both of his hands on your shoulders to make sure you are listening to every word he’s saying.

“Oh,” unfortunately for Rex, you misunderstand his confession and sag your shoulders in disappointment. Of course he wouldn’t feel anything more for you. Why would he? You’ve given him no reason to feel a fraction of what you’ve felt for him for so long. 

“I am not angry with you, mesh’la. I am angry at the prospect of you thinking my life is more important than yours, at you forgoing your principles just to save me.” Rex sees the way you shift uncomfortably, the weight of his words settling heavily between you. His gaze is steady, and you can’t help but return it when you see the fierce protectiveness he’s exuding, one you had not expected to encounter in such an intimate setting. 

“You- you jumped in harm’s way to save me, not even thinking of your own well-being. And later…on the boat, I saw the way you changed when he aimed his blaster at me.” He clarifies further, the revelation sending goosebumps down your arms and forcing you to step closer to him. You furrow your eyebrows at the implication behind his words, placing your hands on his chest without caring for any repercussions. 

“Of course I did, what else would you expect me to do?”

“Not sacrifice yourself for someone like me.” His answer comes in heated, and the level of hurt you feel rising in your throat makes you push him away from you. 

“What do you mean ‘someone like you’?” You snap at him, shaking your head in disbelief at what you’re hearing from him of all people. 

“I’m not as important as you are. I’m replaceable.” Rex must not expect such a reaction because he steps towards you right away, grabbing both of your wrists to speak words that he doesn’t realize hurt you more than him. 

“You- you think your life isn’t worth mine? Why…why would you even say that Rex? What makes you think you can even believe something so far from the truth?” Tears well up in your eyes as you look at him, voice trembling with emotion at the thought of Rex believing something absolutely false. He hesitates for a moment, struggling to find the right words as you melt into his arms. 

“Because I’m that one that should protect you. I should be the one making sure you’re safe.” He finally replies, his voice barely louder than a whisper. Again, it must not be the right thing to say because you only get more annoyed, fisting your hands and slightly pushing on his chest to keep his attention. 

“I hate to break it to you but that’s a two-way road, Rex. If I had to, I would do it again.” You say matter of factly, wanting him to fully understand that you don’t see yourself as any more important than him. 

“Why?” He lets go of your shoulders and slides his hands down your arms, enveloping your fists in the palms of his hands. 

“Because I- I’m your…” His grip tightens around you as you struggle to tell him what you feel for him. You avoid his eyes but he tugs you into his chest and makes sure you’re looking at him before he interrupts you. 

“What? You’re my General? You want me to believe you’re willing to die for me, or even change your own rules because you’re my superior?” 

“N-no…it’s not just that.” You shake your head, knowing that you should tell him the truth regardless of how difficult it can be for you. 

“Then tell me.” He begs softly, leaning into you until he touches his forehead with your own. The warmth of his skin sets you on fire, making you wish you could just confess to him and deal with the consequences later. 

“Tell me why you’d risk your life for mine.” Rex’s eyes soften as he shuts them completely, and if you weren’t so held up on whether his feelings were mutual or not, you would have understood what he was trying to tell you through the intimate gesture. 

“I can’t.”

“Tell me cyar’ika.” 

“Rex, I-” 

“Tell me me’suum’ika…please.” He cuts you off then, his pleading storming your heart with waves of emotions so overwhelming that you have no choice but to give him what he wants. 

“Because if anything were to happen to you, my life will be over.” You admit, voice shaking with fear and relief at finally letting go of the secret you’ve held onto for months. 

“Mesh’la,” the word is whispered with a warmth and gentleness that shake you to your core, and you finally open your eyes to look at him, finding nothing but adoration and tenderness staring right back at you. 

“Rex.”

“I can’t protect you tonight.” His gaze is…it’s more intense than you’ve ever seen, but it’s unwavering as it descends to your lips and refuses to attend to anything else. 

“Hmm?” You’re confused by his choice in words, caught even more off guard by the weight of them as you try to make sense of what he wants to tell you.

“I said…I can’t protect you tonight.” His voice is low, almost strained, sending you spiraling down into an abyss of an unquenchable fire. 

“W-why?” Your throat tightens, brows furrowing at the way Rex struggles with what to say in response. 

“Because every second I spend near you, not being able to touch you, or kiss you, or whisper how kriffing badly I have it for you is torture. It’s absolute torture. And now that I am here, with you looking so lovely, so- so…irresistible, telling me what I am to you, I can’t hold back any longer.” He exhales sharply, hands moving from your hands to your neck for a brief moment before you feel them wrap around you and pull you flush against his chest. 

“Then don’t.” The air between you cackles with tension, and Rex’s breath hitches at the raw, pleading tone you grace him with.

“If you let me taste your lips, know that I will never let you go.” He’s gathering the strength to speak, and when his eyes burn with an intensity that steals your breath away, it occurs to you that he’s barely holding himself back from you. 

“Rex?” He looks at you then, committing every curve of your face to memory as you call for him again, his heart stuttering at the raw vulnerability mirrored in your own pupils. 

“Please kiss me.” His answer doesn’t come in words, but in the way he shuts his eyes as he closes the distance between the two of you. His fingers tangle in the hair at the nape of your neck, his lips meeting yours in a kiss that feels like a breaking storm—wild, unrelenting, and long overdue. You had expected him to be timid, gentle even, but the untamed way in which he instantly swallows your moans makes your knees weak, and you have to wrap your arms around his neck to prevent yourself from falling to the ground. 

You’re not sure who is more desperate, you or Rex, but as the kiss becomes more heated, you feel as if your lungs will collapse from the sheer need and surrender moving between the two of you. And as his hand cups the side of your face, you tremble at the sensation of his thumb as it traces your jaw until he tilts your head to the side.  

“Ohh g-gods,” you break the kiss for a fraction of a second, but Rex is unrelenting, claiming your mouth fully and moving his lips over yours until every inch of your skin comes alive with fire. You’re urgent in your touches as well, afraid that he will let go any moment and you realize this is all just a dream. But the more he consumes your skin, the quicker your heartbeat thunders against your chest and you press yourself closer to him in an attempt to ground yourself. 

When he does finally let go, your breath comes in short, shaky gasps, but there’s no time to collect yourself. His lips descend down your neck, and you throw your head back, pleasure coursing through your veins so quickly that you have to muffle your mouth to hold back from screaming his name. The small gesture doesn’t go unnoticed by Rex and he pulls back far enough to catch your attention, waiting until you’re blinking confusingly at him before he returns to your neck. 

“No, you don’t hide your noises from me. You have no idea how many nights I spent imagining you in my arms…moaning for me, begging me to touch you and pull every ounce of pleasure from your body.” He leaves a searing trail of fire with each wet kiss, his teeth grazing your sensitive skin and biting down harshly when you moan in return. 

���But what if Anakin-” He growls at the mention of his friend’s name, his chest tightening at the sound of another man’s name on your lips. His hand trails down your neck to your waist, squeezing you tightly as he slides his tongue down your sternum and coaxes more sounds from you the lower he goes. Rex looks up briefly, smirking with pride when he sees how disoriented you’ve become from such simple touches. 

“I don’t care, let him hear. Let them all hear, I want everyone on this planet to know who’s making you feel good. Do you understand me…General?” His confession burns through you, and he zeroes in on the pulse thundering against your neck, biting down harshly as his heart tingles with each moan you sing to him. The way he says your title, so possessive and crazes, sends a fresh wave of desire through you, and you have to fight not to crumble entirely beneath his touches.

“F-fuck, yes…yes Captain. I- whatever you want.” You gasp, voice breaking as you feel yourself sinking against him. You grip at his shoulders for some semblance of stability, the cool edge of his armor digging into your arms and reminding you how naked you are. 

“Come here,” his tone is commanding, full of raw desire, and you shiver at the power behind it, swearing beneath your breath when he leans down and slides his hands firmly around your lower back.  

“But the water-” You giggle at how quickly he moves from the refresher to the bedroom, and you feel yourself growing wet at how easily he picks you up. 

“You don’t need the water to keep you warm.” Rex shakes his head, leaning down and giving you a quick peck on the lips before settling you down on your sheets.

“No?” You tease, lower lip trapped between your teeth as you try to hold back from snickering at what he’s making you feel. 

“No baby, that’s what I’m here for.” he murmurs, leaning in close until he cages you between his arms. The bed dips beneath him, and you feel your heart racing at finally having your dreams come true. His eyes barely have any color left in them, and you squeeze your thighs together, excited at being the reason behind such a visceral reaction. 

“And exactly how will you w-warm me up?” You trail your hand down up his neck, tracing his cheeks softly and shivering when you feel the rough stubble of his jaw kiss your palms.  

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” Rex chuckles, the sound vibrating through the quiet air of the room and making you even more nervous. He draws deliberate circles against your breasts, watching with bated breath as your eyes shut instantly. 

“Yes…oh kriff, please Rex. Tell me…tell me.” The need you display to him nearly makes him choke. Never in his life did he think he’d have such an effect on you, but he doesn’t question it, instead giving you more so he can hear what he does to you. 

“Let’s see,” Rex leans closer, lips brushing against the shell of your ear as he speaks with a sinful whisper, “I’ll start off by kissing down your body.” 

“Hmm,” the image alone leaves you breathless, and you tilt your head to the side to give him better access to your neck, not caring for how loud you’re getting as your moans turn into long sighs. 

“And while you moan at feeling my hands trace your soft skin, I’ll…pull away.” His words trail off, and he suddenly pulls back completely, creating a rift between you that has you sitting up quickly and grabbing his kama to prevent him from getting off the bed.

“N-no don’t,” you plead desperately, refusing to let go of him as he returns to your side and kisses your forehead. 

“Shhh, don’t worry mesh’la. I’m not going anywhere.” He catches your wrists, pressing them against his chest to still you before slowly standing up again. He doesn’t break your gaze, and he waits until you relax to begin taking off his armor. You swallow the lump in your throat when you finally register what he just called you, and your breathe trembles as you nod in agreement, 

“But for me to show you how much I crave you, I need to remove all of this.” The promise in his voice makes you wish he could put you out of your misery and take you then and there. But you know better than to distract him. 

“Rex,” you whine his name like a prayer, unable to hide how much you want him. 

“I know sweetheart, I know. But it’s all part of the plan, how else will I keep you running…hot for me.” 

“Force help me,” your head falls back as a groan slips past your lips, and you don’t notice where your hand descends until you feel Rex slipping his fingers around your wrist and shoving your arm away from your heated core. 

“You can call out all you want, little Jedi, but the only one here is me…so you better put my name to good use.” Rex leans in close again, hovering just above your body as he taunts you with promises. His voice is a delicious growl, one that has you shaking with anticipation and pulling another moan from your throat. 

“Rex…”

“Better,” the satisfaction in his eyes is unmistakable, and he brushes his lips against yours in a featherlight kiss that leaves you chasing after him when he pulls away to strip. 

“Please Rex, I need you.” You beg sweetly, the words spilling out before you can stop them. You should be embarrassed by how wanton you sound, but you find that you couldn’t care any less, the need to have Rex settle between your thighs outgrowing any shame you have. 

“I thought you needed to hear what I want to do to you?” His expression is dark and unreadable as he places his armor on the floor. He stands in nothing but the black body glove he wears beneath his armor, and you’re overwhelmed by how much you can see of him that you shut your eyes and throw your head back. Rex uses the momentary distraction to his advantage, sliding his eyes down your body to sketch a mental image of you in case he never gets to do this again. When he’s had his fair share of you, he removes the rest of his clothes until he’s not wearing anything. 

“Look at me cyar’ika,” he commands, his tone leaving no room for argument. When you obey and open your eyes, the air leaves your lungs dramatically, your mind unable to accept the fact that he’s more naked than you are, that you’re finally, finally, seeing all of him. 

“You- you’re torturing me.” You’re shaking with lust, praying to the Force that Rex decides to lose control and take what he wants. 

“Is that right?” His lips curl into a knowing smirk, the ghost of a laugh escaping him and making you flush embarrassingly as he moves on top of you. “Oh…maker,” there is no hesitation in his movements, just a careful balance of control and desperate need. Rex holds you tightly in his arms and kisses you until neither of you can breathe. You think he might break you and for a brief moment, you want him to, if only so he could know how much you belong to him. You arch your back into him, trying to adjust to the overwhelming sensation of having his skin slide against yours. 

“Am I pleasing to you?” Rex lets go and wraps his hand around your neck, not firmly, but just to have you look at him. The muscles of his jaw flexes as he watches you lose control, his voice reverent as he practically begs for you to answer him. 

“You have no idea,” your fingers curl into his shoulders, nails digging into his skin as you try to somehow bring him even closer to you. 

“I think I have some id-” he smiles faintly, dipping down to kiss along your collarbone before moving further down your body. His words are cut off by a groan when he feels you scratch his head. He can feel every inch of you growing hotter beneath his touch, and he doesn’t hold back any longer, not caring for how aggressive he’s being as he slips two fingers beneath your panties and tugs violently until they rip in his hands. You squeal suddenly, partly shocked by the reaction, but mostly turned on by how much he craves you. Before you can even register what he’s doing, Rex is shoving your thighs apart and kissing your inner thighs, the scent of your cunt hitting his nostrils and making him growl, the sound rumbling from his chest and setting you on fire. 

“Fuck mesh’la, you say I’m torturing you but the taste of you makes me…it- hmmm, kriff.” The gutteral sound sends heat pooling in your core, and you find yourself clinging to him even harder as you feel this lips ghost against the outer lips of your pussy.

“Rex,” you whimper, his name slipping from your lips as though it was the only word you knew. 

“I know I begged you to call my name, but…if you keep moaning it so shamelessly, this night will come to an end a lot quicker.” Rex stills suddenly, looking up at you with wild eyes, his control hanging by an extremely thin thread. 

“I- I don’t care Rex, I want you…I just want you, please.” You plead over and over again, trying your best to pull him up so he can forgo whatever he had in mind for you and just fuck you then and there. 

“But I need to get you- oh, Force help me.” He moves up your body, pressing his forehead against yours and tripping over his words when he feels you wrap your hands around his hard cock. 

“I’m already so wet for you baby, please…take me.” You whisper, desperation dripping from every word you pray to him. He’s heavy in the palm of your hand, hot and hard to the touch, and you wonder if this is how it will always be with him. You pray it is. 

Maker, please. 

“You should know, I need you so desperately that I- I may not be able to hold back.” His breathing grows ragged, the restraint unraveling rapidly the more you slide and squeeze his dick. He shuts his eyes and fists the sheets beneath you, and you can’t help but lean forward and kiss his jaw softly, licking down his throat and biting into the skin between his neck and his shoulder when he sinks against you.

Smiling at how easily you can bring his guards down, you pull him closer until your lips brush his ear, whispering the one sentiment you’ve thought of ever since you met him.

“Rex, I want you to fuck me like you hate me.” 

“Oh, me’suum’ika, I don’t want to do that.” His head snaps up, eyes narrowing as he stares down at you with a tenderness that melts you. Rex presses his nose to your temple, sighing your name over and over again until you let go of him and bring him down for a kiss. He pushes you harder into the bed, slipping his hand behind your back to undo your chest band before throwing it behind him. You break the kiss to look at him, and Rex is sure he’s never seen a more beautiful sight in his entire life. 

“I want to fuck you like I can’t breathe without you. I want to fuck you like I can’t get the thought of you out of my head…I want to fuck you like you’re mine, and I’m yours.”

Your heart swells at the raw, needy emotion in his words, and your hands slips into his hair, scratching it softly and smiling with tears in your eyes when he leans into the touch and groans in return. 

“I am, I’ve been yours Rex. Only yours.”

“Shit, you’re going to be the death of me baby.” Rex exhales shakily, attacking your chest with more kisses and waiting until he hears you call for him again before taking a nipple in between his teeth. You arch your back against him, opening your thighs so he can settle better against you before crossing your legs behind his back. As soon as you feel his cock tease at your entrance, a wave of shameless desire seeps through your body and you feel your cunt throb in pain at having him so close. 

“I- ohhh gods, I can’t wait any longer Rex.” You squirm beneath him, the action sliding his cock against you and making him bite your sensitive bud in return. “But…you deserve to be loved cyare. Slowly, deeply, passionately.” He wants nothing more than to push his cock into your pussy, but he waits, wanting to make sure that you’re ready for him so he doesn’t hurt you. 

“We can d-do that later, however long you want…whenever you like. But I need to feel you inside me, now.” You shake your head, voice desperate and lust-filled. He studies you for a brief moment, and when he finds nothing but a needy truth swimming in your eyes, he pushes away and leans back to get a better look at you. His eyes zero in on your cunt, and his cock twitches at finally having you naked and willing beneath him. 

“Spread your legs wide for me, and if it’s too much…if I’m too much, tell me.” Rex swallows hard, his eyes softening before darkening once more. You nod quickly, watching him as he takes hold of his cock and slides it across your cunt to spread your juices on him. The gesture is so filthy, and if it were any other man, you would have found it off-putting. But this was Rex, and you had only imagined him fucking you about a thousand times. 

“R-rex,” you gasp as he slowly pushes into you, the sensation both overwhelming and mind-bending. Rex can’t take his eyes off of where you’re connected, and his breathing picks up when he begins to feel you clench around him, his cock sliding with ease from how wet you are. He can’t believe that he barely touched you and you were so ready for him, but he pushes the thought aside, wanting to relish every second he’s allowed to be inside you. 

“Ah f-fuck, you’re…you’re so warm, so kriffing warm and tight.” He curses softly, his head falling back briefly before his eyes return to your cunt once more. 

“I want to feel all of you Rex,” you run your hands over his arms, feeling the tense muscles shift with every movement. You silently wish that he falls against you so you can feel his body atop yours, and it must be evident in the way your eyes trail up and down his body because he slowly pushes himself on top of you, his cock sinking deeper into you as he shifts closer. 

“Sweet girl, my beautiful jetii’ika.” Rex looks down at you, his eyes filled with awe and reverence, and something that should terrify you but instead makes you feel warm and cherished. 

“You’re s-so deep inside me Rex, I feel…full.” Your voice hitches as he continues to push his dick inside you until he’s fully seated deep in your cunt. You bite into your fingers but Rex shakes his head, reminding you of his warning from earlier. 

“Remember, your sounds are mine tonight. I want to hear everything that I do to you.” He grits his teeth, hands digging into your hips as he forces you to let go of your fingers and call his name. 

“I love being this close to you... it’s perfect.” You confess, barely managing to string together a coherent thought as you feel him throbbing inside you. 

“God, you feel so tight around me…” He wants to pull back and thrust inside you, but he holds back out of fear of hurting you. It’s only when he feels you wrap your legs around him and force him to move that he understands what you want from him. He pulls out until the crown of his cock is seated perfectly in between your pussy lips, and as soon as you moan for him, he thrusts back inside, the sensation sending his mind in a frenzy and nearly making him fuck you into oblivion. Rex stops for a moment, wanting to keep himself in check so he doesn’t terrify you by how much he craves you. 

“Mmm, and you feel so big, so fucking hard and big. Move, Rex…please.” You throw your head to the side, biting into his wrist and whining in ecstasy when he obeys you and slowly snaps his hips against you. 

“You’re so wet for me already and I haven’t even fucked you yet.” He mutters beneath his breath, licking and sucking on your neck as he continues to shove his cock inside you, suddenly feeling dizzy at how perfect you feel around him. What he doesn’t expect is for you to chuckle in response and meet his gaze in an intense gaze, parting your lips and answering him with another, lust-filled confession.  

“That’s because I- hmmm, I’ve imagined you fucking me every night since we met, and- and now that I’m here, in your arms-” You gasp at a particularly hard thrust, digging your nails into Rex’s back and smiling when you see his features turn into a mixture of pain and pleasure. 

“Tell me baby,” he coaxes, his voice rough with desire as he continues to fuck you passionately. 

“Nothing compares to h-how you fill me up, Rex.” You confess, shaking at how perfectly Rex feels inside of you, cock hard and hot as it slides against your tight walls. 

“You have no idea mesh’la,” you can tell his control is slipping further, and you wonder what it would take for him to lose all control and take you as you desire. 

“I can- can feel how much you want this.” He leans down and swallows your moans, slipping his tongue inside of you and claiming your mouth while his cock claims your cunt. 

“Yes... don’t stop. Go deeper, just like that.” You wrap your arms around him, breathing heavily against his ears as you feel him push into you with a pace that’s nearly blinding. 

“You’re taking me so well, baby. This cunt was made for me, perfect fucking pussy. I can spend hours between your legs.” Rex’s voice comes out heavy, and he reaches down to place his arm around one of your thighs so he can push it higher and come closer against you. 

“Please, harder…fuck me harder Captain.” You cry out, overwhelmed by the sensations Rex continues to rip from your body. 

“Whatever you want to make you lose control, General.” Rex groans in return, his pace brutal and unrelenting as he feels his stomach begin to tighten. The sound of skin meeting skin echoes through the room, a frenzied beat that matches the pounding in his heart, he suspects, yours as well. He pulls back just enough to look at you, and when he finds you biting your lower lip to contain yourself, he slams harder into you until he has your attention. 

“Look at me while I’m inside you... let me see how much you love this.” He demands assertively, eyes searching your own he feels sweat drip from his brow. There is a thick haze of lust clouding the room, and before you can even answer him, he thrusts harder, deeper, inside you, forcing your body to react in ways he only dreamt of. “Rex…I- I’m, I’m yours... all yours.” You acknowledge him without even thinking, the need dripping from your words matching the same one you can see storming in his eyes. 

“You have all of me cyare, my heart, my soul…my everything.” Your confession drives him mad, and the look of pure ecstasy etching on your features sends him reeling, his body trembling as you cling on to him while he pushes you closer to the edge. You sob with pleasure as his movements pick up, his words igniting something primal inside of you. 

“That’s it, baby. I can feel you getting closer. Don’t hold back—let go for me. Come for me. I want to feel you squeeze me..fall apart for me.” The possessiveness radiating off of him in waves should terrify you, but instead, you tighten your legs around his waist, pulling him impossibly closer to you so you can feel every inch of him as he coats your walls with his seed. The tension in your body is palpable, every nerve lit up like a wildfire as you approach that inevitable release. Rex must feel it too because he sinks into the crook of your neck, breathing in the scent of your sweat and something sweet that he might never forget. 

“I’m so close... oh fuck, I’m going to come!” You cry against him, voice breaking as your body teeters on the brink of bliss. 

“Fuck- I…I can’t. I need to-” His rhythm begins to stutter, his breathing becoming heavier and more erratic as he fights to hold on until he feels you come on his cock. Rex’s grip on you tightens, his fingertips pressing into your skin as if he’s trying to anchor himself to reality, to the gift the universe has handed him after so long. 

“Don’t hold back, Rex. I want you to come for me, come inside me. I want to feel you…want to take you so deep, fill me up. Please…p-please Rex,” you plead, clawing at his back as you show him that you need him just as desperately. Hearing you beg for him to fill you with his cum shatters the last of his resolve, his pace faltering as he buries himself inside you to the hilt. A guttural groan tears from his throat as he finally lets go, the pleasure crashing over him overtaking him just as it engulfs your body. He feels you tighten around him, your body convulsing so violently that he can’t figure out whether it’s you who’s crying in pleasure or him. 

You’re completely spent, your pussy throbbing harshly as you feel Rex shoot long, hot spurts of his seed deep inside you. It shouldn’t please you so much, but knowing that you have him reach places inside you that no one else will make the pleasure all the more intense, and you twist your head until you can kiss along his neck, silently letting him know that you will never belong to anyone else but him. 

He collapses over you then, supporting himself on his forearms so he doesn’t suffocate you. His head is still buried in your neck as you both gasp for air, body trembling slightly as he presses soft kisses to your skin in return. His lips linger over your pulse point where he can feel your heartbeat racing as quickly as his own. Rex lifts his head until he meets your eyes, his own brimming with affection as he smiles at you and nudges your nose with his.

“Baby, you’re everything to me.”

“Rex, I…I think I-” you start, voice quiet and uncertain, afraid that once you tell him what you feel, you will lose it all…lose him. 

“I know. Cyare, I know.” He murmurs gently, his hand cradling your face as he leans down and kissing you slowly until you feel nothing but warmth and understanding. 

And in that moment, you have no doubt that something deeper than words binds the two of you, something that no one will ever be able to take away from you. 

Against his wishes, Rex pulls out of you with a groan, biting into his lower lip when he hears you whine with contention. You don’t let him go too far, sliding against his side and nuzzling into his chest as he pulls the covers above the two of you. 

A comfortable silence fills the air and after a while, you look up to find Rex meditating deeply, his attention focused on the ceiling high above you. 

“What are you thinking about?” You ask, fingers moving up and down his chest in a soothing way. 

“I’m thinking of what will happen tomorrow now that you won’t be keeping your distance anymore.” He means it as a joke, but when he looks down and sees your hurt expression, he drops the smile and leans over to kiss you, letting you know that he meant no harm by the comment and was just teasing you. 

“Rex, I’ll do whatever you want to do going forward. If you want me to act as if nothing has changed, I’ll do that. And if you want to tell your brothers, it would make me feel so happy…and- and if you want me to leave the Order, give up everything…I will gladly do so without a second thought.” Rex’s expression shifts, his brow furrowed beneath the shadow of his close-cropped hair. He looks at you like he’s trying to make sense of your words, trying to fit them into the reality he had come to know in the past rotation. 

“You- you would leave the Jedi for me?” His voice is rough with disbelief, and for a moment, he is genuinely convinced he has misheard you. The idea that someone like you— strong, steadfast, bound by your sworn duty to the Jedi and the Republic—would ever consider leaving all of it…for him…maker, it seemed impossible. It had to be. 

“I would do anything for you just to have you keep looking at me the way you are now.” You cut through his disbelief with the utmost sincerity, gaze never once wavering as you do your best to make him understand what he means to you. The silence that follows hangs heavy in the air, and Rex swallows hard as searches for the right words, for anything that could match the depth of what you just offered him. He reaches out, trailing his fingers over your cheeks as he leans down to meet your lips in a chaste kiss. The touch of his lips is reverent, as if he wants to assure himself that you are real, that you are in his arms, that you are willingly giving yourself to him without a second thought. 

When he finally pulls away and sees tears pricking against your eyes, he smiles at you and nods in understanding. 

“How about we go day by day, and when this war is over, we can reassess.” He finally says, his voice less anxious than before. He lays back down and pulls you into his arms, hands going to your waist to pull you flush against him. You cry out in pain and push yourself away from him, the reaction catching Rex by surprise and making him sit up to see what he’s done When he sees you grabbing at your wound and hissing in discomfort, dread settles in his chest as he realizes he forgot the wound and handled you a lot more aggressively that he should have. 

“Kriff, your side…I- I completely forgot. Mesh’la, are you-” He leans over to assess the bacta patch, wanting to see the damage he’s done and already thinking of what to tell Kix when he asks him to come and inspect the wound. His panic rises as you push his hand away and look down to find the patch still in place, and only when you’re sure no blood has seeped through do you grab Rex’s hand and settle it against the wound. 

“Rex, relax. I- to be honest with you, I’m not sure whether or not I felt any pain. I was so far gone in our…activities, that I didn’t really focus on anything else.” His eyes are less anxious as you allow him to massage the skin around the wound, and when he sees there are no lies in your words, he nods and studies the irritated skin one last time before settling back down, bringing you into his chest gently. 

He smiles when he feels you kiss just above his heart, giggling softly when you pinch his side and tease him for being so cuddly. 

“Can I ask you something?” It’s his turn to interrupt the silence filling the room, and tilt your head up to nod at him. 

“Anything!” His lips twitch into the faintest of smiles at the earnestness in your voice, his heart skipping a beat at the prospect of giving him the answer he’s been seeking for months on end. 

“At what point did your feelings switch from wanting to be with me physically to…to whatever they are now?” Rex hesitates, choosing his words carefully and refusing to look anywhere else out of fear of missing a change in your facial expressions. When your brow lifts and your hand returns to his stomach, you can’t help but smile at him and shift your gaze to a fixed point somewhere on the skin beneath your palm. 

“You mean when did I know that I’m yours?” His face flushes with embarrassment, but he nods instantly, not wanting to turn this moment awkward by his boyish reaction to your rather honest sentiment. 

“I don’t think I can pinpoint a day or an hour, it all happened so suddenly and I didn’t realize how deep my feelings ran for you until I was so far gone in them.” You exhale deeply, turning a little contemplative as you admit to him everything you’ve felt for the past year or so. 

“If I were to pick a reason though, it would have to be the way you carry yourself with your brothers, with Anakin even.” He looks down at you then, his gaze unwavering as he feels his soul light with a fire that he’s sure no one will ever put out now that you’ve kindled it. 

“Seeing you give up so much to ensure your brothers live for another day stirred something inside me. And knowing that you’d follow Anakin into a battlefield without a second thought is…it’s- maker Rex, you’re amazing. You’re the best man I’ve ever met.” Your voice cracks slightly with emotion, a few tears rolling down your cheeks as you let him know that you will never care for anyone more than you care for him. Rex blinks down at you, stunned into silence at the raw honesty behind your words. 

“The loyalty, the courage—it speaks volumes.” His chest tightens as you speak those words, and he can’t help but turn to face you fully so he can focus on nothing else but the way you fit perfectly in his arms. 

“Come here, me’suum’ika.” He wraps his arms around you and molds you into his chest, stealing the breath from your lungs with a kiss that you’re sure would rival all the others he’s gifted you with so far. You let him take whatever he wants from you, sliding your arm around his back to feel every inch of him as he makes you forget the universe outside of your room. 

“What does that word mean?” You smile at him when he finally breaks the kiss and trails his lips across your cheeks and down your neck. 

“It means ‘little moon.’” Rex murmurs gently, as if he was sharing a secret meant only for your ears. Your heart swells at the tender nickname, and you press yourself closer to him, wanting to stay in his embrace for as long as you’re allowed. You breathe his presence to anchor yourself to him, refusing to acknowledge the chaos of the war raging outside your existence, here in this moment. 

“Stay with me tonight,” you whisper pleadingly, voice barely audible. “Please.”

Rex’s hands tighten around you, and he brushes his thumb over your skin as he pulls you back to meet your gaze. 

“I wouldn’t dream of being anywhere else, cyar’ika.”

The word sends a shiver down your spine, and you lose yourself in his arms, knowing that nothing will ever compare to what you now share with him. 

And as you slowly succumb to sleep, Rex silently thanks the mythical bird for giving him what he’s wished for. The war may not be over, but it could wait. The galaxy, with all its heartbreak and evil, can be someone else’s concern. Tonight, Rex had you, and that was more than enough.

You were all he ever desired. 

And he finally had you.

[zepskies]

hi! so I had a question, how long did it take you to build a following on tumblr? how long have you been writing for spn as a whole (I assume you started with it but I’m not sure I meant when did you start writing on the app mostly) and do you think it usually takes as long as it did for you for other people? (I hope the wuestion made sense)

Hi there, lovely anon!

Oh, these are great questions, and I'm happy to answer. I'm going to be referencing this post, as someone asked me a similar question.

I also talk a lot about my beginning fanfic/coming to Tumblr experience and building a following in this interview I did with the @idlingintheimpalapodcast.

That being said, here's how I got started in SPN fandom and on Tumblr, and 6 Tumblr Tips related to how I've tried to grow my blog:

Learn How Tumblr Functions

Create a Tag List

Posting Schedules, Announcements, and Sneak Previews

People are Visual (Use Images & Design Elements) + shoutouts to blogs I looked to for inspo

Support Your Fellow Writers! Reblog/Comment on What You Read & Enjoy

When I Do Get Engagement, I Reply to Comments and Reblogs

Deeper dive below the cut:

Writing for SPN & Starting on Tumblr

To be honest, I'm a bit late to the party when it comes to Tumblr. I've written for many different fandoms over the 15 years or so I've been writing fanfic, but I've been writing for Supernatural in particular since around 2015. I wrote on platforms like Fanfiction.net, and later I moved over to Ao3.

I dabbled with Tumblr starting in 2021 while I was working on a Billy Butcher x OC story for the Boys (And So It Goes). But after watching the last season of SPN, I got the SPN bug again, so I started dipping back into the fandom.

But I wasn't really that active on Tumblr until January 2023, when I wrote my first soulmate AU series for Dean Winchester, called Never Say Goodbye (Dean x soulmate!Reader).

That started a very fun journey for me in the Tumblr world, engaging with people and making friends here with awesome people! 💕

Now, here are a few tips on what I've learned in building my following. You don't have to do exactly what I did. This is just my advice based on my personal experience here:

Tip #1: Learn How Tumblr Functions

Everything has been a process of trial and error. I have a professional background in content and social media marketing, so that knowledge has helped me a lot with some elements I'll get into later.

But it took me time to learn the Tumblr landscape. I had to figure out:

Why it's important to reblog -- not just your own work in replying to people's comments, but what you read and enjoy. It's what makes Tumblr go 'round.

The different mobile vs. desktop views and functions.

How to format my posts and use hashtags that would best optimize my fics and posts, based on the most followed tags in the fandom I was writing for.

How to create design elements, like banners, dividers, and headers that matched my aesthetic and the fandom.

Make sure my blog is easy to read, visually, and easy to navigate, technically (links to my masterlists, series masterlists, tag list, my fic library side blog, Patreon, etc.).

I'm still adjusting all these things now and then as I figure out new ways to keep readers engaged, and make my blog as easy to navigate as possible.

Tip #2: Create a Tag List

A tag list is a list of blog users that request to be tagged in your upcoming fics. (See this post on tips for formatting tag lists and optimizing hashtags on posts.)

Some authors don't do tag lists anymore because they find it a hassle (and it can be), but even if you're just starting out, advertise your tag list -- I suggest at the end of a fic and in your bio, your masterlist, and/or navigation page. It will get more eyes on your posts, and hopefully more engagement.

I used Google Forms to build up my tag lists because it's easy to use and it creates a Google spreadsheet for you based on the responses you get (an idea I got from another writer who was doing the same thing). You can also create more sheets within the file to organize the responses by character, for example.

On my tag list, I gave readers options to choose which character they wanted to be tagged on based on the fandoms I write for. I also created tag lists for new series to go with the series masterlist. Like I said above, I created spreadsheets for each of these lists within my tag list form master sheet.

Now, you don't have to do it exactly this way. There are many ways to keep track of a tag list.

Some people may think my approach is too much work, but this was very successful for me in building up my tag lists and increasing my following. Staying organized is key! 🤓✌🏽

I have since created a side blog @zepskieswrites for people to follow with notifications on, since my character tag lists are full.

Tip #3: Posting Schedules, Announcements & Sneak Previews

When my blog started to gain traction from my first SPN series, I knew I wanted to post consistently to keep people's interests. For me, this meant once a week (sometimes more if the mood strikes me), to keep that momentum going. YouTube vloggers do the same thing for this reason. They have a set posting schedule and give announcements.

You don't have to post once a week. You don't even have to have a set schedule. That's just what I did last year to increase engagement, but also because I love to write, I was getting inspired, and I made the time for it!

Remember that writing and sharing your work and being a part of the fandom on Tumblr is supposed to be fun! At the same time, what you get out of something depends on how much time you have to put into it.

Basically what I’m saying is, I’ve put a lot of time and energy into my writing and my blog, but only because it’s been very fun to do it! 😉

Now, going back to being consistent. It can help you! When people know they have content waiting for them by a certain timeframe, and they see that you stick to that deadline, they're more likely to tune in and engage with your work.

Of course, real life comes first, always, and things can derail you, but on the whole I make sure that I keep my word when I say I'm going to post something. Tumblr has a scheduling feature that allows you to schedule posts ahead of time, which I use on a daily basis. That can help you as well.

To try and generate buzz around new stories, I give writing updates or announcements, often with sneak previews, and the dates when I plan to drop the upcoming story. When I'm writing a series, on each chapter I give a preview of the next one, so I can try to keep people invested and waiting for the next chapter.

Tip #4: People are Visual (Use Images & Design Elements)

A huge element of successful content and social media is visuals. The first thing people are often drawn to when they look at a web page, an ad, or any kind of digital content is the picture -- and any other visual elements. Then they look at the title/headline, followed by the rest of the story.

This is why I always lead with the title of the story/headline and a GIF or image at the top of the post for a story. Draw readers in with their eyes to the visual, and then the content. I now create my own design elements, including story headers.

When I got started here on Tumblr, I also took a closer look at how other popular blogs I admired were organizing their masterlists, formatting their stories with banners, dividers, tags/warnings, word count, creating tag lists, and more -- both to create their blog aesthetic and to make it easier for readers to enjoy their work on different levels -- the content itself, and the visual elements.

Shoutouts to some of those writers I looked to, who have a lovely blog aesthetic and organization: @luci-in-trenchcoats @deanwinchesterswitch @deanbrainrotwritings @dean-winchester-is-a-warrior

Form and function is a balance, and they should work together. For example, there are some design/post formatting elements that are getting popular now on Tumblr that I personally don't vibe with, because I think it takes away from the reader's experience.

Like making the entire post or story in small case. Readers that have trouble seeing small fonts won't want to read this.

or making everything in the story lower case. this just bothers me for grammatical reasons. guarantee i will be turned off from reading. 😂

Also, most people browse Tumblr on their phone rather than on desktop. (About 62% according to current Semrush statistics.) So certain things that are small in your desktop version will be even smaller on mobile.

If you have a custom blog design, some design elements may not transfer well visually on mobile vs. desktop, and vice versa. So you'll want to check both versions to see how it looks, and possibly make adjustments.

Now, this isn't to say you have to become a graphic designer if that's not your thing. There are plenty of people who share their lovely designs for free, as long as you make sure to credit them if you use one of their banners, dividers, etc. Check out @cafekitsune and @firefly-graphics, for example.

Some of them even take requests. Just make sure to check their bio to see if they state whether they're currently taking requests or not. (This also goes for writers on fic requests.)

Tip #5: Support Your Fellow Writers! Reblog/Comment on What You Read & Enjoy

This is part of the fun when you start truly engaging with the fandoms you love.

Likes are cool. Comments are wonderful. Reblogs with comments are awesome, because not only do they get that engagement/feedback that they can reply to, but the reblog helps your fellow writers get seen. And while they aren't obligated to, they might be more inclined to do the same for you.

You'll also start to develop relationships within your fandom community. This is how I've made many friends and gained new readers on Tumblr -- by reblogging, sharing, commenting on what I liked about the fics I read. 💜

I try my best to support my fellow writers, no matter how new or how popular they are. Just because a writer has a bigger following, doesn't mean they appreciate feedback any less.

Feedback gives us writers energy and fuels us to write more. It can lead to more inspiration, and to continue the series you might be so invested in.

So if I took the time to read something, if I enjoyed it, I'm usually reblogging it and sharing my thoughts, even if it's just a gif or a couple of lines, or a long raving review. 💖

Tip #6: When I Do Get Engagement, I Reply to Comments and Reblogs

Along with supporting my fellow writers, engaging with the lovely people who read my work is just good fun! It's the best part of sharing my work on here and on Ao3. And it lets them know that you value and appreciate them for taking the time to comment and/or comment in a reblog. 💓💓💓

I hope these tips are helpful! Now, to answer your last question...

Do you think it usually takes as long as it did for you

[to build a following] for other people?

Interesting, but the truth is, I'm not sure. My knowledge of content and social media marketing has probably given me a leg up, I think, even though it took me a while to learn the Tumblrscape. I've also been writing fanfic for a long time. Long before I ever heard about Tumblr.

I've spent years studying literature, creative writing, and screenwriting, and putting it into practice. I've spent years writing for other voices besides my own, outside of the fanfic world. Like anyone else, I can only go by what I've learned, my own instincts, my frame of reference, and what I want to write about next.

Like anyone else, I can only hope that what I put out there vibes with people and touches them in some way, enough that they feel comfortable letting me know what they thought about it. 💜

In the meantime, I'll just keep getting inspiration from this guy (and other characters):

[ridiculousn3sswrites]

Lie to Me

*Dick Grayson (Nightwing) x Reader

*Summary: Reader can't ignore her boyfriend's weird behavior anymore. What she can do is delude herself into thinking everything is okay and still believe his lies.

*Warnings: Swearing, drinking, inferred cheating (no actual cheating), light angst. I think that's it, but let me know if I missed anything.

*A/N: So I listened to Lie to Me by Ne-Yo a lot while writing this. A bit of a life update here: I'm about to start my last year of law school! It's crazy to think I started writing fanfics when I was just about to start high school and now here I am. Anyways, hope you guys like this one!

Tip Jar

**********

There was something weird going on with your boyfriend. Sure, there had been his odd little quirks when you’d visited him before - like rushing to pick up only one bundle of clothes on the floor when you came in - but things really seemed to ramp up when you moved in with him. There were times when the two of you would be relaxing before bed, when he’d get a phone call and then be rushing out the door with a half-baked excuse. There would be times when you’d wake up to him leaving in the middle of the night, or coming back right before your alarm was supposed to go off for work. Maybe it was weird, but he was a cop, right? Maybe there were just emergencies he was needed for, maybe there were things he couldn’t talk about with you.

Maybe you were a fool.

You couldn’t exactly pin when the insecurity started really hitting you, but maybe it was the fact that you lived with him that made it really noticeable. When you brought it up to your friends, you got those knowing little pitying looks that you knew what they meant, but they didn’t want to say it out loud. The most you would get out of your friends was ‘talk to him’, but how could you talk to him when you were convinced you were making a big deal out of nothing?

The two of you were cuddled on the couch, watching a movie to round out a long awaited date night. You were enjoying the proximity, work really taking you through the wringer for the past week and you just needed this. About halfway through the movie, you could feel the vibrations from Dick’s phone ringing. He took a glance at the screen before sending it to voicemail. You looked up at him, but he just shook his head. “It’s not important.”

But apparently it was, because whoever it was called him three more times before he finally got up to answer the phone. That took you back a bit, because he normally was fine taking work calls in front of you. When he had been gone for a few minutes, you paused the movie and got up to go check on him. The door to your bedroom was cracked open, and you could hear Dick’s whispers to the person on the other side of the call. “Listen, I can’t go. I promised her I’d spend the night with her.”

You didn’t want to interrupt, so you just sat there, waiting for him. You felt a little weird listening in, but there was something in you telling you to stay. 

“Babs, you know I normally would, but-” Dick’s sentence was cut off, but after a few seconds he spoke again. “Alright, fine, I’ll be there. I’ll just make something up again.”

You could hear Dick’s groan of frustration, and that snapped you out of it before you could spiral. You made your way back to your spot on the couch, eyes unfocused on the movie in front of you. Dick’s footsteps were your cue to look up, trying to hide any signs of your heartache. “So what was that?”

“I’m sorry, baby, they just made an arrest for a case I’m on,” Dick apologized, leaning down to kiss the top of your head. It just broke you even more knowing how easily the lies spilled from his lips, not even needing time to think about it.

“They can’t handle it?” You slipped up, unable to hide your attitude for the second. You grimaced, realizing you should have waited until he was gone and you had room to process everything on your own. Instead, Dick was now moving in front of you, kneeling so he could be face-level with you. The concern was so quickly painted on his face that you couldn’t help but feel that little tug in you. You were the reason he was worried. You needed to fix it.

“I’m really sorry, I tried to get out of it but they really need me to come in.” You looked away from his intense gaze, trying to will away the tears that were threatening to build up. “Baby, c’mon, what’s wrong?”

“It’s nothing. You should go before you get in trouble,” you told him in a small voice.

“Please look at me?” Dick practically pleaded, placing his hand on your knee. You forced yourself to meet his blue eyes, trying to soothe his worry. The sooner he was out of the apartment, the sooner you could let yourself fall apart.

“Sorry, it’s just been a while since we’ve been able to hang out and I was looking forward to it,” you told him, placing your hand over his. “I know your job’s important, you should get going.”

“I’ll be back as soon as I can, okay? I love you.”

“I love you too.” As soon as Dick was satisfied that you were okay, he went about grabbing his things for work. When the front door closed behind him, you let out a deep sigh. You knew who Barbara was, and you’d already gone through your fit of insecurity about her when you and Dick first got together. You knew her and Dick had been an item for a while before the two of you had met, and things ended when he moved to Blüdhaven.

Dick had been so good at soothing your worries, always letting you know if she was going to be at the same events as him (she normally was) or what they were chatting about since they were still friends. You weren’t personally friends with her, but when you finally met her, she had really eased all your worries. She just seemed like such a good person, and she immediately put you at ease. But now you couldn’t help but think it was all for show. 

It wasn’t unusual for Barbara to randomly call Dick, but why was she so insistent that he go to her right now? What did Dick mean by make something up again? Was every work emergency a lie? Your heart felt heavy in your chest, but you couldn’t find it in you to move or find something to distract yourself with. You laid on your side, the movie still playing on the television in front of you, but you didn’t care about it anymore. Eventually the movie ended, but you didn’t care enough to change it to something else. The recommended titles screen played trailers for movies you didn’t care about, but you didn’t need the apartment to be completely silent, so you didn’t bother to turn it off. 

You didn’t remember falling asleep, but you woke up the next morning with Dick’s arm around your waist, his deep breaths fanning over the back of your neck. He must have carried you back to the bed whenever he got back, and you felt the warmth creeping into your cheeks at his thoughtfulness. If you woke him up, you’d have to ask questions about what time he got in last night. Technically, all you had right now were suspicions. You could ignore them, turn a blind eye to his nights gone and enjoy when he was here, or you could confront him, and risk blowing up everything you’d come to love. If he continued lying to you, you could pretend you didn’t know. You felt his arm tighten around you, and you made your decision. You closed your eyes, trying to will yourself back to sleep. You would enjoy this while you had it, ignore what you knew. 

**********

It was nice to pretend nothing was wrong. Dick was still the nearly perfect boyfriend he had always been - bringing you little surprises after a rough day at work, showing you plenty of affection, never afraid to shower you with words of affirmation - and now you chose not to question the not-so-perfect parts. There was still the little ache when Dick would suddenly announce he was needed at work, but you just gave him a soft smile and a kiss on his way out the door, telling him to get home safely.

Things had gone like that for a couple months before a true challenge to your delusion appeared. Dick came home from work, letting you know that the two of you were invited to Bruce’s for (yet another) Wayne Foundation event. You had to admit that you were excited, it had been a while since you had seen everyone, and Dick’s brothers were just chaotic enough to keep you entertained for the whole night. Your excitement dipped a little when Dick told you Barbara would also be there. It was easy to pretend they didn’t have anything going on when she lived in a different city, but with the two of them in the same room, seeing the two of them together, you didn’t know just how long you’d be able to hold onto your delusion.

The first night you were there was nice. It was just you and the various Wayne children (though some of them weren’t necessarily children anymore), everyone joking around and just enjoying being in the same house. When you went to call it a night, tired from traveling and the general chaos of the Wayne household, Dick followed you up. 

“I forgot how wild you all are,” you joked, changing into your pajamas, which was just one of Dick’s shirts and a pair of shorts.

“Yeah, you know how it gets when all of us are together,” Dick laughed. “I’m glad you’re having fun, you’ve been kind of off for a while.”

That made you pause. You thought you’d been doing a good job at hiding what you knew, but maybe that was just more of your own delusions. “What?”

“Yeah, you’ve just been a bit off, but I figured you’d tell me when you’re ready,” Dick explained, taking you in his arms. “I’m here for you, you know. I’m not gonna make you tell me what’s wrong, but I’ll be here when you’re ready to talk about it.”

Your breath hitched at his reassurances, and you were sure that any other time it would have made you melt and just tell him what’s on your mind. But you couldn’t exactly share what was wrong when he was at the center of it. Without him confirming it, it didn’t have to be true, and you could pretend just a little longer. You stayed quiet, needing that peace for now.

Later that night, when Dick moved you out of his arms when he was sure you were asleep, you woke up the slightest bit. You didn’t say anything, and you didn’t say anything when you felt him leave the bed, or when you heard the door close behind him. It wasn’t until he’d been gone for a good while that you accepted he wasn’t going to come back until the early hours of the morning. When the tears built up, you didn’t stop them from falling, soaking the pillowcase beside you. 

You didn’t question where he’d gone when you woke up the next morning to him climbing back into bed. You didn’t move when he wrapped his arm around your waist, pulling you closer to him. But of course he noticed you were awake, and of course he couldn’t just stay quiet like you had. “Baby, it’s early. C’mon, let’s go back to sleep.”

Going through the motions was easy, but the others noticed something was off about you. You could tell it in the way they treated you like you were one wrong move from breaking, and they weren’t technically wrong. The only ones not handling you with caution were Damian and Jason, but they normally weren’t ones to handle you with too much care anyways. Luckily, there wasn’t much time to linger around the heavy weight in your heart with the time for the gala quickly approaching.

“Alright, what gives?” Jason asked, holding out a champagne glass to you. You jumped a little, startled out of your thoughts as you looked at Dick and Barbara across the room, laughing with each other.

“What?”

“You’re acting weird, what’s going on.” Jason didn’t give you any room to try to weasel your way out of the conversation, pinning you to the spot with his stare. Even though the two of you were decent enough friends, this whole issue was concerning his brother, so you’d rather not bring it up to him. Or anyone for that matter.

“It’s nothing, really-”

“Bullshit and we both know it. Now spill.” Damn Jason.

“I think I need to-”

“I think you need to tell me what’s going on. Spill.” Bastard.

“Okay, fine! Damn, you’re stubborn.”

“You’re one to talk.”

“Alright. So, uh, what can you tell me about Dick and Barbara?” You immediately took a sip of the champagne, trying to hide your face.

“What?”

“You heard me.” “Yeah, but I thought you and Dick already talked about all that.”

“Humor me.”

“They dated in high school, but she works with us so we’re all pretty close to her,” Jason explained.

“Like she works at Wayne Enterprises?”

“Wait, he hasn’t told you?”

“Hasn’t told me what, Jason? Listen, I overheard him on a call with her a bit ago and then he made an excuse to go meet her. Can you just tell me if you know anything or not?”

“Listen, Dick’s a fucking idiot for going this long without telling you, but he’s not cheating on you if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“Then what isn’t he telling me?”

“He’s your boyfriend, why don’t you just ask him?”

“He’s your brother, why don’t you just tell me if you know?” Jason laughed, taking a drink.

“Trust me, if I tell you, you won’t believe me. Just ask him before you drive yourself insane.” And just as quickly as he appeared, the man made his way back into the crowd, leaving you with your half drunk champagne and more questions than answers. But one thing was for certain, you couldn’t put this off for much longer, and if that meant breaking your illusion of a happy, perfect relationship, then so be it.

There was a certain lightness to knowing that, by the end of the night, you would have your answers. The facade you’d been putting on would finally fade away, and maybe you’d be able to breathe a little easier. When Dick returned to your side later that night, asking for a dance, he held you like you were precious, but not like you were broken. You would miss this.

The time wasn’t right until the last of the absurdly rich people were ushered into their cars, and you and the rest of the Wayne clan were returning to your rooms upstairs. Dick helped you out of your dress, pressing a kiss to the skin that was revealed to him, and it was all so tender that it made you want to cry. He passed you one of his t shirts to sleep in, and once you were dressed and sitting on the edge of the bed, you took a deep breath.

“Hey, so uh, I think I’m ready to talk about what’s been going on,” you told him as he was about to turn off the light. Immediately he crossed the room, kneeling to look up at you.

“Okay, take all the time you need.”

“So, a while ago when we were watching a movie, you got up to take a call, and I kind of overheard it,” you started, trailing off. Dick squeezed your knee, encouraging you to continue. “I know you haven’t been leaving for work emergencies. If something’s wrong here, then could you at least tell me instead of running to Barbara in the middle of the night?”

You chanced a glance at your boyfriend’s face, and there was nothing there but confusion. Dick was a smart guy, but damn was he stupid.

“Could you please just tell me what’s going on?” you asked, pulling his hand from your knee and into your own. You could feel the tears building again, but ignored it for now. “I just can’t take anymore lies.”

“I should’ve told you sooner, but I didn’t know how you’d take it,” Dick started, pressing a kiss to your hand. “Please don’t cry, baby. I’m not cheating on you, not with Barbara, not with anyone.”

“Then why do you keep sneaking out? You’re gone all night, and it’s not work-”

“Get up, put on some pants. I wanna show you something.” The sudden decisiveness was jarring, especially with how Dick had been kneeling at your feet mere moments before.

“Like, real pants?” Dick just stared at you, and you had to blame it on the emotional whiplash you were currently going through. Not wanting to keep him waiting any longer, you opted to grab a pair of sweats from the top of your bag. 

As soon as your slippers were on, Dick took your hand and led you through the halls of the manor. The place seemed so much lonelier when Bruce wasn’t hosting something, your footsteps echoing through the halls. You didn’t know the house well enough to know where exactly Dick was taking you, but eventually he stopped in the main hall.

“Alright, so what do you want to show me?” You asked, still trying to process what exactly was going on here. Surely the explanation couldn’t be so complicated as to have you running around the Wayne Manor.

“Wait just a second, I promise.” Dick turned to the grandfather clock, opening the glass door on its body and messing with something. Before you could ask what he was doing, he closed the door again and held up a finger for you to wait. A panel behind the grandfather clock opened, revealing a sleek elevator with blue lights accenting it. Before you could question it further, Dick pulled you into the elevator and pressed the button to start the descent.

“Rich people are so fucking weird, I swear,” you mumbled as the elevator just kept going down. “Dick, where are you taking me?”

“You’ll see in just a second.”

“That’s what you keep saying!” As if the world wanted to prove you to be an ass, the doors opened to reveal what you could describe as nothing other than a cave. Well, if a cave had very high-tech capabilities and various platforms showing off expensive equipment. “What the actual fuck?”

“So, uh, I wanted to tell you, but I also didn’t because it’s kind of weird and a little unbelievable,” Dick explained, once again taking you by the hand. Of course you recognized what this was, it was a little hard not to recognize something like the Batmobile. Your mind immediately scrambled for answers, but you couldn’t really rationalize all this the way you wanted to. It wasn’t until Dick stopped in front of the display cases of different suits that it fully sunk in.

“No fucking way.”

“Yeah. First things first, not Batman. But I think you can put together the fact that we live in Blüdhaven and-”

“You’re Nightwing.”

“Yeah. Listen, I’m really sorry I lied to you for so long, but I honestly thought I was keeping you safe and-”

“You’re an idiot,” you cut him off, not really meaning it. Well, you still kind of meant it. “I should’ve known there was no way you got that beat up from being a detective.”

Dick laughed, relief flooding his features. “Yeah, I’m not that bad at my day job.”

“So, that call with Barbara…”

“I was really trying to take the night off, but then Barbara got some information about a meeting happening that night and I had to go. I promise, she’s our informant and kind of runs a lot of things around here,” Dick explained. “It kind of works that I did the big reveal here. Showing you that locked trunk I have in the closet just doesn’t hit the same as coming here.”

“Yeah, I bet it doesn’t,” you agreed, laughing. You really didn’t know how to process the flood of emotions running through you, try as hard as you might. Of course you were a little miffed about the fact that Dick had been lying to you for years, but you also understood this wasn’t exactly the kind of thing you could really be open about. You were still emotionally drained from all the turmoil you’d gone through lately, but mostly you were relieved. Your boyfriend hadn’t found someone else. You weren’t going to be left as an afterthought. Things were going to be (kind of) the same.

Except for the fact that now you knew your boyfriend wore spandex on a near nightly basis.

“I completely understand if you need some time to process all this, but if you still want me, I promise I’ll never hide something like this from you again.” Dick turned to face you fully, taking your hand in his and holding it to his chest. “I’ll do whatever I need to make it up to you, please, I love you.”

“Dick, the last thing I ever want to do is break up with you. That’s why it took me so long to say something in the first place. I was willing to look past it all if it meant that you stayed, and if that makes me stupid, then yeah, I’m stupid.” You were glad when Dick interrupted you by pulling you into him, pressing his lips to yours.

Just as you were taking the time to enjoy the kiss, you heard a wolf whistle coming from somewhere else in the cave. “It’s about damn time you told her, but could you not do that right in front of the suits?”

Fucking Jason. 

[helenvader]

Get to know your fic writer!

I have emerged from my writing hiatus, but I'm horribly stuck, so this game might be refreshing. :) I am not the author, I stumbled across it and told myself why not.

Do you prefer writing one-shots or multi-chaptered fics?

Do you plan each chapter ahead or write as you go?

Describe the creative process of writing a chapter/fic

Where do you find inspiration for new ideas?

Do you like constructive criticism?

Do you have your work beta'd? How important is this to your process?

How do you choose which POV to write from?

Do you prefer the beginning, middle, or end of a story?

Do you comment on stories you read?

Cltr+f "blinks" on your WIP & copy paste the first sentence/paragraph that comes up

Link your three favorite fics right now

how does receiving or not receiving feedback/support impact you?

what’s a common writing tip that you almost always follow?

how do you write emotional scenes? Do you ever feel what the characters feel? Do you draw from personal experiences?

How do you write smut scenes? Do you get very visual or detailed? How important is it to be realistic?

How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Share one of them?

What do you do when writing becomes difficult? (maybe a lack of inspiration or writers block)

Do you title your fics before, during, or after the writing process? How do you come up with titles?

What is the most-used tag on your ao3?

Have you noticed any patterns in your fics? Words/expressions that appear a lot, themes, common settings, etc?

Would you ever collaborate with another writer for a story?

Are there certain types of writing you won’t do? (style, pov, genre, tropes, etc)

Best writing advice for other writers?

Worst writing advice anyone ever gave you?

What fic do you wish you got more of a response on?

Which of your fics would you call your wildest ride?

What is your most and least favorite part of writing?

On average, how much writing do you get done in a day?

What’s your revision or editing process like?

Do you share rough drafts or do you wait until it’s all polished?

Do you start with the characters or the plot when writing?

Name three of your favorite fanfic writers.

Do you want to be published some day?

Five years from now, where do you see yourself as a writer?

What is one essential thing to remember when writing a villain? 

How do you write kissing scenes?

How do you choose where to end a chapter?

Would you ever write commissions?

Share a snippet from a WIP

If someone were to make fanart of your work, what fic or scene would you hope to see?

Do you tend to reread fics or are you a one-and-done kind of person?

What’s the last fic you read? Do you recommend it?

Do you take a sadistic joy in whumping your characters, or are you more the "If you hurt them I would kill everyone and then myself" kind of person?

What mistakes do you keep making no matter how many times your beta corrects you?

Do you want to break your readers‘ heart or make them laugh?

How would you describe your style? (Character/emotion/action-driven, etc)

How many times do you usually revise your fic/chapter before posting?

What do you look for in a beta?

Do you ever get rude reviews and how do you deal with them?

How long is your longest fic?

What’s your total AO3 word count?

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

How do you spend your time when it comes to fanfiction? Are you primarily a fic reader, writer, or a perfect 50/50 split of both?

What’s your favorite part about the fanfiction writing process?

Of the characters you write for, which is your favorite? Has that choice been swayed at all by your followers/readers’ reactions to certain ones?

What’s something about your writing that you pride yourself on?

Do you prefer editing as you write, or waiting until it’s finished? 

What part of the writing process do you enjoy the most? (Brainstorming, outlining, writing, editing, etc) 

Does anyone in your personal life know you write fic? if not, would you tell anyone?

Have you had a writer you admire comment on your fic? What was that like?

Why do you continue writing fics?

Thoughts on cliffhangers?

Something you hate to see in smut.

Something you love to see in smut.

Tell us about what you’re most looking forward to writing – in your current project, or a future project

How do you deal with writing pressure (ie. pressure to update, negative comments, deadlines, etc.)?

Do you prefer prompts and challenges, or completely independent ideas?

What, if anything, do you do for inspiration?

What work of yours, if any, are you the most embarrassed about existing?

When asked, are you embarrassed or enthusiastic to tell people that you write?

When it comes to more complicated narratives, how do you keep track of outlines, characters, development, timeline, ect.?

What order do you write in? front of book to back? chronological? favorite scenes first? something else?

What do you think makes your writing stand out from other works?

You’ve posted a fic anonymously. How would someone be able to guess that you’d written it?

What scene in [Fanfic Name] took the longest to write? What was difficult about it? 

Did you have any ideas that didn’t make the final cut of [Fanfic Name]? 

Do you have a favorite scene you’ve written from [Fanfic Name] story/chapter? 

[darksturnz]

god your writing is genuinely so beautiful and incredibly underrated. i really want to get into writing fics but im scared i’ll sound corny 💀 do you have any tips?

any compliment on my writing means soo much to me. you guys will never understand :,). i really appreciate whoever you are.

my “tips” might sound a bit silly and overused but it’s what helps me!! keep in mind i’ve been writing fanfic since i was 12 years old (terrible ik LOL) and have come very very very far since then, so yes practice does help a ton too.

1: i ONLY re-read my work once i’ve finished the fic/blurb/chapter completely. i found that if i keep rereading after every new paragraph, i feel repetitive and lose motivation/interest incredibly fast. waiting until ive finished to reread it gives me a chance to look at it with an open mindset, tweak anything or completely scrap it and start over (which im very very guilty of doing, my first draft is usually never the one posted!).

2: DONT OVER PLAN!: i used to try and create whole multi chapter fics in one setting, id create the outline and make it incredibly detailed so i “wouldn’t” lose motivation but all it did was in fact make me lose motivation by trying to stick to that set and stone template i created. im not saying outlines aren’t helpful, because they are and i still use them, but i really keep it simple. for instance if i were to write a blurb about star!reader and artist!chris going shopping i’d map out two-four key events i wanted to happen throughout but keep them very flexible, never set and stone. i also usually just start with a character moodboard, and everything falls into place after. (sorry if this doesn’t make sense haha) also having someone proofread/go over your ideas with you helps a ton, my dms are open to any and everyone for that btw!

3: start with fluff. fluff is (imo) the easiest genre to start with, you can get as corny as you’d like as long as you make it make sense LOL. i personally still struggle writing smut, even though that’s the most popular genre, just because i make my own cheeks turn red and i overthink it 😅 angst is also on the easier side but you have to be a little more strict with it!

4: the most important thing, HAVE. FUN. do not go into it only wanting your fic to be an absolutely hit and get you tons of attention! writing is a creative outlet/process, you have to enjoy doing it just to do it or your work really won’t come out as well as you’d hope.

[bonesandthebees]

HOW DO YOU WRITE SO WELL

like, the general way you write omfg i was hoping to get some tips since i want to get into the type of writing you do (idk the name lol)

your fics have just not left my mind at all and i wanna learn how you make them stick

aw thank you that's so sweet! I'm so glad you enjoy my stories :D

as for your question, I always say this and it's not really the 'fun' answer or the one that people want to hear but the truth of the matter is that I got good at writing by writing. a lot. I've been writing on a near daily basis since I was 13 or so. I started writing original stories, but later when I was 15 I got into fanfic and really thrived using that as writing practice. regardless of whether or not you post what you write, just the act of putting words down is going to help you. whether that be rewriting movie scenes with your favorite blorbos or coming up with the most self indulgent fluffy stuff that you never want to see the light of day, or plotting out massively expansive stories with grand plots and worldbuilding, no matter what it is it's going to help you gain a natural sense for rhythm and word choice and all that stuff.

besides practicing writing, reading is also very helpful for improving your writing. and I don't mean reading fanfic. while of course there is some amazing fanfiction out there, you do actually need to read published novels as well. now I'm not saying you have to go out and read the entire book list from your 9th grade english class (although classic novels are incredibly important and beneficial to read), but just read any books. try to branch out into new genres. if you're only interested in reading YA romance, sure go for it, but once you get in the swing of reading regularly you should look for recommendations in other genres. there are a ton of lists online that will tell you "if you like X book then you'll love Y-" so try to find those. don't limit yourself to books only meant for one demographic. you'll get the most benefit for your writing from reading widely and seeing how many different types of authors do things. you can pick apart different writing styles and figure out what you like about each, then try to emulate that in your own work. do you like when descriptions are kept short but use very vivid language? try doing that in your own writing when setting a scene. do you like when a characters thought process starts rambling on and on for multiple paragraphs, really giving the reader a sense of their inner mind? try doing that yourself.

experiment! practice! have fun with it! write what you want and try not to get too caught up in what's going to 'get popular' or anything because then you'll just make yourself miserable if you don't get the hits you want. of course that's easier said than done but try your best to hold onto the mindset of writing for yourself first and foremost. make the stories you want to read.

hope that helps!

[aristocrating]

hot take: this fandom has a problem with glamorizing jack and kent's addictions

oh. OH. now THIS.

there is soooo much to be said about how jack's addiction is treated at large, as well as the implication that kent would probably have his own problems with addiction (which is complete fanon, but i think it's realistic to consider that)

i've seen this come in several flavors:

1) glossing over it entirely, where it's just ignored. if you write fanfic and you just adapt out the fact that jack is an addict because it's a sensitive subject for you or you have trouble handling it well, sure. more power to you. work with what you got. i will say that a LOT of people seem to not really grasp the ramifications of how addiction works, but neither does the comic so this one is just to be expected. just like, educate yourself. howEVER, i do think it's a real and important part of jack's character and just conveniently forgetting it or going "oh he's fine now, he just drinks at parties now" is WILD to me. not how it works. ask any person who's ever been personally affected by struggles with addiction. he would be dead. or hospital-bound. it's not fun, it's not cute. do your research.

2) the most insidious take i've seen (waaay too often): oh yes jack or kent has a problem with medication and alcohol, but he's not a REAL addict. yes it's bad but it's not like THOSE people. there will be a whole narrative about people calling him a cokehead because it's wrong, he never did any REAL drugs. he's one of the Good Ones. DO YOU HEAR YOURSELF? DO YOU FUCKING HEAR YOURSELF RIGHT NOW? keep your moralistic puritanical bullshit out of here. "jack would never do that! he would never do drugs!" okay, and what if he did? would you view him as less valuable as a character then? would you automatically dislike him more based on that fact alone? what do you think this implies about the way society treats people with addiction problems? why do you think people asign a hierarchy of moral value to what drugs someone consumes and who counts as a "real" addict? on my desk by monday. jfc.

3) and last but not least, glamorizing drug problems. it's a conglomeration of the previous two points i think, people don't know how to handle the issue of addiction well and also asign moral value to it. personally i think i've seen it come up especially in stories of pimms in juniors or kent's rookie year where he does drugs to cope. and let me just tell you. there is nothing fun or glamorous about it. addiction is taxing for everyone involved. it makes you feel like shit because you lose all sense of control and you also get judged for it from every side. it's a tiring process, it's sloggish and monotonous, you're trapped in cycles of frenzied rushes of substance abuse you can't enjoy, followed by excrutiating boredom that turns into an itch to consume again. it's uncomfortable. it's annoying. it makes you abandon all self-preservation you have because the pain of living becomes more and more unbearable all while your body tricks you into thinking there's only one thing that can alleviate it. and it's so easy to think portraying drugs as glamorous is somehow being supportive, but really you're just being condescending. and ignorant. the only reason i can think of why someone would want to glamorize this is if you're an addict yourself and you're using stories about addiction to cope. in that case, sure. do what you have to to get through it somehow. and everyone else, i implore you once again to think about why people asign moral value to addiction. what is to gain from it? who profits? who is exploited?

i understand struggling to portray addiction well. i understand not wanting to be confronted with it in fandom. i even understand being uncomfortable with it when being confronted with it, because it IS a scary subject. at the same time, i also wish more people understood what addiction is like and why it's important to handle it well in fiction and fandom.

this comic truly took the messiest possible route by introducing a character who explicitly suffered from an overdose and monitors his alcohol intake to... what exactly? what was the point of all that if it was going to be sweeped under the rug? why have a character who opens the door for such a big subject matter only for it to just not be relevant? i'm not saying the author had the intention of glamorizing addiction, but it does leave the unfortunate implication that jack only overdosed for a jab at an angsty plot line, the aesthetics of it, so i'm not surprised parts of the fandom would run with that.

one of the reasons i was drawn to jack's character is because i personally have experiences with alcoholism and addiction and i was surprised to see it come up in such a medium, and i was happy to have an in on the conversation. and it's sooo important to me that treating people with addiction as humans who are deserving of compassion becomes normalized and that the complexities and nuances of addiction are understood. unfort the comic did none of that though, so here we are /shrug

i think you're right and you should say it, 10/10 take, fucking educate yourself peeps

🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

[gatoraid]

Shelley Parker-Chan for Locus Magazine

Locus Magazine's March 2024 issue had a long interview with Shelley Parker-Chan! They talk about their inspirations, the writing process of The Radiant Emperor duology, exploring gender in their books and how writing fanfic has shaped their writing (among a lot of other things). I was finally able to get my hands on the magazine and wanted to share some favorite quotes.

Check out more quotes and how to buy the magazine to read the full interview: Shelley Parker-Chan: All the Others

On their origins with scifi/fantasy

My mother was such a stereotypical Chinese tiger parent: 'You have to study really hard, get great grades. But then she also loved Star Trek. So we’d spend a lot of time watching that together at home. That was a formative part of my childhood, to the point where I wanted to be an astrophysicist when I grew up. I was obsessed with the stars.

A lot of the themes in science fiction/fantasy really spoke to me. Robots! I love an awkward robot - Murderbot by Martha Wells is one of my favorites. As a slightly awkward, possibly on-the-spectrum child, I really identified with robots, and the Spocks of the world.

On writing and fanfiction

Action/adventure plus relationships has always really interested me. Obviously, back in the day, nothing was really queer, so in my teens I gravitated towards Japanese manga and anime, which had more queer themes. Especially in the online spaces, people were writing fanfic, so I started writing it, too.

I never did any formal writing classes outside of fandom and fanfic - that was where I learned to write. I think the number one Most Important Thing was that fanfic was a place where you could write and find acceptance and enthusiasm. […] You could express very upsetting desires, and really explore aspects of sexuality, personality, and problematic relationships in a way that other people would read with an open mind and greet very enthusiastically without judging. No one said, 'Well, this is not the correct moral lesson that we want in fiction!’ Which is a response that has increasingly popped up in traditional publishing.

On exploring themes of gender in The Radiant Emperor Duology

There’s a lot of trans issues and gender exploration in the books, but I didn't want to make it too close to contemporary life because then it’s not fun for me. I like exploring those issues from a step removed, allowing for people with many different identities, for instance, to project themselves onto a certain character. Like, a eunuch - no one has a eunuch identity these days. But any kind of gender nonconforming, nonbinary, trans person - I've had many trans women write to me and say they enjoyed reading a character like that. If I had written an actual trans man character in the book, that would have narrowed it down a bit.

I always think that my main goal as a writer is to explore characters. But I don't start with the characters. I start with a theme, and the theme was gender and being oneself in a system where a rigid gender binary is enforced. It’s about the performance of femininity and masculinity. Not that I put it in so many words- ‘I want to write a book about gender!’ Its about people exploring, expanding that, confronting that, battling the binary in their own ways. What does it mean to be yourself when that self is in opposition to what people say you should be?

About the characters of TRE

All of the characters are either queer or they are really engaged with the concept of how to be themselves when the world is pressing afainst that. I do have a straight female character, Madam Zhang, based on a famous nineteenth-century female pirate in Southern China, who ran rhis mercantile empire. […] It was said that her background was a courtesan. So I was like, ‘Oh, I’ll take that character – a woman in a very male world who uses femininity as a weapon. But, knowing she can never rule herself, she has to work through men.’ That’s one character who bounces off of gender in an interesting way, and then I could have her in dialogue with other characters.

There’s a genderfluid character, my main protagonist Zhu, who used the performance of gender kind of like a superpower. She can move in and out of identities and doesn’t feel particularly wedded to any of them.

Then we have a nongender-conforming – but straight, I guess – man, Wang Baoxiang, who does not conform to society’s standards of what it is to be a man, and that impacts his identity in a certain way. His self-esteem is very damaged, and he often feels like, ‘I was born in the wrong time. If I had been born in a different time, my version of masculinity would be recognized.’ Through that character, I was thinking fo the way in which Chinese traditional performance of masculinity, for instance, is not recognized here in Australia as masculine - it's seen as feminine. In Australia. we have a certain white, sports-playing, particular idea of masculinity - It looks like Chris Hemsworth. If you do not look like Hemsworth, it you're a little Asian guy, your’e inherently seen as feminine, no matter now masculine you feel.

I have a eunuch character, someone whose gender has literally been ripped away from them, and that kind of reflects a trans experience – someone who feels they are intensely masculine on the inside, but the entire world sees them in a different way. Then you feel the need to perform, in order to seen to be the way that you feel you are. But this character, in trying to be the most manly he can possibly be , starts to adopt all these toxic masculine traits, and, in a sense, kills a lot of his own honest desires in pursuit of performing this ideal of masculinity.

About their next book and future aspirations as an author

I'm going to write a secondary-world fantasy. I've never built a world from scratch before […] It will feel pre-industrial, historical. It will be very kinky and - what are the comps? So far l've been saying, 'It's Foucault's Discipline and Punish meets Simone Weil's Gravity & Grace with a side of of Kushiel’s Dart. There's a lot of kinky BDSM in a world like that. One of the joys of fan fiction was people were not afraid to create these worlds where society is completely based around kink concepts, so I'm building a world around kink concepts here, and that’ll be fun.

I'm a frustrated romance author, so I really want to write some romances in the future - straight up. None of that politics stuff. none of the adventure, only the relationships! I'm not fast enough to write category romance, though, that's for sure. I'll have to stick with fantasy romance so I can do one every two years.

[bluedalahorse]

Blue’s self-absorbed YRS3 “revisions”

I’m someone who liked many parts of Young Royals season 3 and enjoyed it overall, but didn’t like other parts of it. As someone who enjoys breaking down story structure and character arcs and such, I’ve thought a lot since the season aired about what I would have done if the season had been in my hands and I’d been allowed to make revisions.

I decided to finally organize some of these ideas into a post. This post will be a bit broad, as I haven’t done a rewatch in a while, but I can see myself getting more specific after I do my annual Christmas-season rewatch of the entire series. (Soon!) So maybe that will show up later, in a future post. Or maybe it won’t and I’ll spend all my time writing fanfic.

These are, of course, solely based in my opinions, and my personal likes and dislikes as a writer. I’m sure there’s other ways the series could have gone. You might have different ideas of how to “fix” things for your own personal preferences, and that’s ok! This is a post that might appeal to some fans and have the opposite effect on others. But I figured I’d post anyway, because isn’t that what tumblr fandom is for?

Anyway, here are my unsolicited suggestions…

Part I. Return Felice to her investigatory roots

At the end of season 1, Felice got to be a detective and figured out it was August who leaked the video.

In season 2, Felice acts as Wilhelm’s sympathetic ear. (Wilhelm owes her compensation imo.)

I wonder about a version of season 3 where Felice could have been the gatherer of stories from her fellow Hillerska students. Not in a way where she’s solely doing emotional labor, but in a way where she’s trying to uncover the truth about the school and give the school inspectors the information they need to make their decision. Maybe she starts out thinking things at Hillerska aren’t too bad for most people, and her own negative experiences are a fluke. But the more Felice digs, the more she realizes the system has problems. This would integrate nicely with Felice coming to realize her friends are kinda fake, and rebuilding her relationship with Sara.

(I also would really love to see a conversation between Felice and Nils about what it’s like being two of the only students of color at the school, and in a “model minority” sort of way. Even an awkward, halting conversation. Ever since I read it in a fic snippet, I want MORE.)

I don’t love that they cut away from Felice’s interview in canon. I wish we’d actually gotten to see it, so we could feel the impact her testimony had. And maybe in a storyline where Felice is a more deliberate gatherer of stories, we can see her impact multiplied. I want her to feel like a key part of the decision to close Hillerska down!

Part II. Let Sara navigate an abortion storyline

I’m actually shocked this didn’t happen in canon. There were so many little moments that felt like foreshadowing for a plot where Sara is pregnant. On so many levels the show is about the line of succession to the monarchy, and also the question of whether or not we become our parents. What better way to make this question feel urgent and relevant than a storyline where Sara could be pregnant?

Obviously Sara’s feelings are the most important here, and I think it would encourage Sara to think about her own parents a lot and what she inherits them, the way she already is thinking about them in season 3. She’d also be processing her own shame and loneliness, and I think her potentially being pregnant might add to her reasons for self-isolating.

At the same time, this kind of plot would also add increased depth and stakes to Sara’s relationships. Sara and Simon? Both of them are becoming adults, and both experienced rather tumultuous first loves with some intense risk associated with them. Sara and Felice? Time to explore the role that women play in the class hierarchy, and how much emphasis is placed on reproduction in the Hillerska culture. Sara and August? August is still grieving his dad, so the notion of him potentially becoming a parent could throw him through an emotional loop. Pretty much all of these are grounds for rich storytelling! Again, I am shocked the writers didn’t choose this as a plot because it ties so many things together.

Of course there’s one relationship the show could choose to develop further…

Part III. Give Wilhelm and Sara a tie to one another

One of my biggest disappointments in season 3 is that Sara and Wilhelm didn’t get to build a relationship with one another in season 3. After all the time paralleling one another in seasons 1 and 2, it really felt like a letdown. They only exchanged one line!

Building on the idea that Sara could have started the season pregnant, I wonder what could have happened if—somehow, in episode 1 or 2–Wille walked in on Sara holding a positive pregnancy test. We’d have to somehow maneuver them into the same space, and that might be challenging, but I don’t think it’d be impossible. We can be creative!

What I was hoping for was a situation where Sara and Wille have a conversation about this, and Sara’s freaking out a bit, as she would be. And Wille actually manages to calm her down, and talks her through getting abortion pills and finds a way to stay with her on the day when she takes them. They see that day as a temporary truce between them, at first, though of course it allows them to open up to one another a little bit, and they begin texting even just a little bit, when they can. They agree to keep the abortion a secret, and promise to not even tell Simon about it. Of course, Sara opens up to the other main three over the course of the season, by her own choice.

If Wille helping Sara through an abortion storyline is too much, him helping her navigate a pregnancy scare could potentially hold similar emotional weight. I’d also like to see Wille meaningfully interact with a female character where it isn’t him and his mom in conflict, or him over-relying on Felice for emotional support without giving much in return. Like can we just have unexpected reproductive rights ally Wilhelm? As a treat?

Part IV. Give August and Simon a tie to one another

As I envisioned this Sara-Wilhelm scenario in my head, I realized it could be balanced out by a parallel storyline where Simon and August have to interact with one another in new ways. The season opens with the legal settlement between them, but it’s clear that the legal settlement doesn’t create catharsis. I actually like this decision. I wish we had gotten a chance to see Simon and August interact around their conflict, though, because the Simon-August conflict and the Wilhelm-August conflict were set up as two very different conflicts in season 1. By season 3 this had somehow become “Simon and Wilhelm together against August” which… I didn’t love. I’ve written about that before, so I won’t rehash it too much here.

So I asked myself what would happen if Simon and August were the ones who got into a fistfight in the library, instead of Wilhelm and August, and then it’s Simon and August who are thrown into mediation together with Boris. I get why Wilhelm and August were the ones fighting canonically, and it wasn’t a decision I hated. But in the universe in my head where Sara-Wilhelm interaction is happening, I like the idea of Simon-August-Boris interaction happening alongside it.

What follows is an opportunity for August to make real restitution to Simon, and for Simon to have a real chance to articulate how everything with the video on down affected him, and tell the truth to August. I’m basing this not in my own silly little thoughts, but in what I’ve read about restorative practice and how it can be used to work through these kinds of incidents. Simon and August don’t have to forgive and love one another and suddenly be besties, but it would be interesting to see them come to understand one another, especially given the things they have in common, and maybe talk more authentically. The scene where Simon notices August’s disordered eating tendencies during the sit-in would also have a lot more resonance if they’ve been in these mediation sessions together.

And then it could lead to my next idea…

Part V. Keep the Erik reveal, but change how it’s delivered

I know a lot of people didn’t like the Erik reveal. It was one of my favorite parts of the season, and built on a lot of what I imagined to be true about the characters. I cried when Malte delivered his monologue.

What if August doesn’t tell Wille it was Erik who oversaw the homophobic initiation? What if he tells Simon instead?

And then Simon is sitting on this piece of information knowing that Wille is grieving Erik, but that the truth could come out at any time, and it would hurt Wilhelm more. Simon is agonizing over whether to tell Wille the truth. Then, sometime during Wille’s birthday celebration, as the family tension escalates and Simon feels increasingly uncomfortable with the family’s verbal hagiography of Erik, he tells Wille.

Wilhelm is furious and breaks up with Simon in response. Simon leaves the palace. I feel like this would be an interesting twist on how their relationship has played out in the past—usually we have Wilhelm pursuing Simon and Simon setting boundaries, but now we have Wille shutting Simon out when Simon confronts him with something he needs to hear but doesn’t want to.

And over the next few days, Wille seeks out August and asks him, why would Simon say this? to meYou know this wasn’t true, that Erik wouldn’t do this, you were there. And August corroborates what Simon says, which leads him and Wilhelm into a difficult—but ultimately cathartic conversation—about what it means to grieve highly flawed people. Maybe there’s even a callback to their conversation from 1.4, where August talks to Wilhelm about grieving his dad. As a coda, August encourages Wilhelm to go and make an effort to win Simon back. August has lost his romance with an Eriksson sibling, so he knows how much the heartbreak hurts. He thinks Wille still has a chance with Simon, so he pushes him to do that. And thus the endgame endgames the way fandom wants it to.

In my mind this still leads to Wilhelm leaving the monarchy. It could even end in Wilhelm and August leaving behind the monarchy together, in solidarity. I’m leaving that open for now, but I like thinking about this as a storyline that could have been.

Thanks for reading if you read this far! I enjoy filling up my brain with these thoughts.

[galebrainrott]

Hi Galemancers, indulge me for a moment.

Currently, I have a specific OC that I romance with Gale (and I write fanfic of.) However, my very first Tav had a horrific story arc and I just wanted to share it. Spoilers for the entire game

My very first Tav, who I lovingly named Wendy due to her orange double braids, was a street urchin. (Bard x Rogue multiclassed)

Most of her day-to-day pre-bg3 consisted of busking and hoping she made enough to get some food. If she didn't, well, she relied on her sleight of hand to get her by. Some would call it an unfortunate life, but she was happy enough to be able to sing everyday.

This was, until the events of BG3.

Tadpoled, lost, far from home and surrounded by strangers, she had no other choice but to rely on her guile and charm. She was funny, lighthearted. She kept everyone in check, made them feel comfortable, let them open up to her.

But she was in unfamiliar waters. Lae'zel, Karlach and Wyll had endless years of combat experience. Halsin, Shadowheart, and Gale no doubt had some fighting experience, even if just a little.

Wendy, however, was a bard. A performer. She lived on the streats and avoided trouble when she could. The first thing she killed was an imp, on the nautiloid.

It's a devilish creature, don't feel bad for it, she thought.

But it was so small, and looked almost like a toddler somehow. She had no time to process any of that until she had to kill again. And again, and again.

There were so many things to learn, things to read, things that were important to the journey. But Wendy was illiterate. There were many times when she, bashfully, had to ask Gale or someone else to read something for her.

Not to mention the fact that all of the armor was far, far too heavy for her. So she gritted her teeth at every attack. Just because Shadowheart could heal her, doesn't mean that it didn't hurt though.

She bonded with Gale, as she started asking him to teach her how to read. At first, she was scared.

Would he think of me less? She thought, I know how much he loves to read.

But he didn't. He taught her with an endearing passion, not at all talking down to her. She liked him for that. A lot of smart peoppe tend to be demeaning, but he was different. He just enjoyed the things he liked and loved to share them.

They got closer. But the journey went on. And she found herself having to make decisions that she was not prepared for.

The orb? Shadowhearts parents? Ascension? Vlaakith?

All of these choices, weighed on her shoulders.

There were times where she wanted to scream, I don't know! I don't know what any of that means!

Whenever one of her companions sought her counsel, she worried endlessly about whether she was making the right choice or not. Is it naive to not seek a goddess' forgiveness? Is it foolish to not want to ascend to power? What are we even fighting?

Then came her final decision. Orpheus, the orb or herself.

Orpheus, the heir to the githyanki and the final piece of their freedom, he can't turn into a mindflayer.

Gale using the orb? Obviously not.

Which only left her. But who cares about her, truly? If she had become a mindflayer, who would really grieve? She had noone back home, and she had only known her current friends for a few months.

They all had somewhere to get back to, something to want. But she?

So she did it, she became the mindflayer. All was won.

At the end, when she talking to her allies, they all suggested she hide away. Understandable.

She talked to Gale last, afraid at what turning into a mindflayer might mean for their relationship.

He, however, smiled, and proposed to her.

Even in my current state? She asked.

Your current state is that you're the one I love, he replied

So, anyway that HORRIFIC first game of mine is why I love Gale so much.

My tavs, henceforth, are stronger so that it's evened out a little.

Thank you Galemancers.

[knightyoomyoui]

Nayeon x M/F Reader - "No Problem"

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WELCOME TO 6TH AND FINAL SET OF MY TWICE X READER ONE-SHOTS IN THIS BOOK.

Yes. I have finally decided that I will officially end my book once all of the remaining one-shots set to be released are completely done. I can't keep to focus on this book alone for longer because you know, there are other stuffs that I need to prioritize. I'm sorry guys and while it's still early, I just want to express my deepest gratitude and appreciation for all of your love with my book. It's been fun creating multiple alternate universe TWICE fanfics to all of you and to explore all the types of storylines I had to encounter on creating each. Really, thank you so much.

Also, since I've said a month ago that I'm going to start using my hobby of writing stories as my sources of income, so again I'm not forcing everybody to donate but if you can, please feel free to do so as your additional support for my works. Here's my Ko-fi account where you can drop your donations or ask for a commission. You can check it out on my Tumblr profile too! 

Alright, now let's kickoff Set 6 with this gender neutral reader x Nayeon fic one-shot! I hope yall enjoy it even though it's short (which probably will be the same for most of the other fics included in the line-up) unlike the usual lengthy works that I used to write before.

Aside from his/her parents, Nayeon is most likely the only other person who is completely informed about YN. She is able to catch every aspect about YN, including your mannerisms, your tendency to become quickly distracted when concentrating on anything, your favorite kinds of clothes, and much more. But amongst all of it, having known YN for over a decade, she is already largely acquainted with your personality.

She could still recall those times when, due to her exceptionally good memory, she discovered every new mood you placed yourself in, regardless of whether it was appropriate or not. She didn't care about all of that, though, since the important thing is that it won't alter the fact that you have formed a kind personality, which complements your attractive appearance and is one of the main reasons she fell in love with you in the first place. Speaking of your personality, here's the issue; Nayeon is now experiencing difficulties with it. The cause? The YN she has been exposed to is very different from what you have been demonstrating to her.

Away from your usual goofy and lively personality, instead Nayeon would rather end up spotting you coming home every night with a gloomy, tired and unimpressed demeanor.

Those preserved Nayeon suspicious of your current behavior and attitude. She acknowledges that she isn't accustomed to this kind of treatment from you and that it makes her upset, but she also thinks there must be a cause for her lover's abrupt change. She is eager to get this information as soon as possible since she is sick of watching her dearest YN treat her coldly. Nayeon called a friend and coworker one day when you were gone from the house again for work in order to get some information that would be helpful to her.

A deep masculine voice owned by someone she couldn't even process up to this day that he really does, with how this guy sports a babyface and with a very slim body the moment she first met him once at your birthday party. "Nayeon-noona! Hey how you doing?"

"I'm fine Felix, how about you?", she greeted back.

"Doing good so far. Why did you call?"

"Uhm I just want to ask you something... about YN." Nayeon said, her heart thumping fast. She doesn't know why her nervousness is increasing the more she gets through the conversation.

Perhaps, she doesn't want the main possibility she has in mind to come true. No. She's afraid. She knew both her and YN were happy in their relationship and she has done everything. She's hoping that YN wouldn't go that far.

"Sure, go ahead... although I miss seeing that idiot already." Felix chuckled behind the phone.

"Wait, you two haven't seeing each other yet? I thought you two are there together at work right now?" Nayeon confusingly asked.

"Noona, wait you didn't know about it yet?"

"About what?"

Felix sighed and clicked his tongue, cursing for YN on what you have done. "So YN didn't tell you about what happened?"

Nayeon's hands are trembling, her throat starts to become dry, arms shaking in tense as she has no clue what Felix is referring to that you haven't even dared to speak out to her already.

"Felix, I don't know what you're talking about. Cut to the chase, what the hell happened to YN?"

Felix remained silent for a while before he finally answered Nayeon's wondering.

Later that evening, around nine o'clock, Nayeon is waiting impatiently for YN to get home in the living room. She then heard a call on her phone, and fortunately it was her husband/wife YN, telling her that you had purchased takeout for dinner. They finished their meal a few minutes after you got home. You greeted Nayeon and saw that she wasn't in the best of moods—in fact, she seemed colder than your love—when you went to give her a kiss. It was awkwardly silent throughout supper. You were about to go into the bedroom while Nayeon was cleaning the dishes when she called your name, causing you to stop in your tracks because she wanted to talk to you.

"Can we talk for a moment, please?" She asked while wiping her hands dry.

"I'm listening." You leaned at the door frame.

"There something you're not telling me about, isn't it YN?" Nayeon crossed her arms. You went speechless, silently hiding how guilty you are of her accusation.

"H-how can you say so? And why would I, Nay?"

"I don't know, I should be the one asking you that now." Nayeon shrugged. "Because I know exactly why."

She couldn't help but to emit a snort and a smirk at your look. "Ahh... the typical lying YN. Eyes popped then blink fast."

"I called your friend Felix. He told me about what happened to your workplace."

You sighed. That's it, Nayeon has already have an idea about the tight situation you are going into. As much as you want to keep this from her longer, you have no other choice but to stop the pretending and clarify things to her.

"All I need is a confirmation from you, YN. Tell me, was that true that you really got fired?"

Embarrassed and scared, YN slowly gave the answer Nayeon has been waiting all day long. "Yes... I got fired. WE got fired."

"Then where the hell do you really go whenever you left the house for the rest of the day. So after all these time, you've been fooling me? You've done it for like what, for the past three 3 days? Not to mention, today's your 4th!" Nayeon slightly raised her voice. "

"Because I was looking for a job elsewhere, Nayeon!" You fought back, defending yourself to cleanse out the intense atmosphere clouding the two of you. Nayeon remained shut, allowing you to take the turn as you continue speak your side.

"Yes, we got fired. Our boss decided to retire his company, had our contracts result to get terminated and we have no other choice but to look for a new job. Some of us were disappointed, enraged, hard to their feelings, while some of us... I don't know, contented. But I'm different from both of them, I took that loss heavily within me, Nayeon."

"The day after we got fired, I immediately moved, searched everywhere around Seoul, just hoping that I could atleast encounter one. But... until now, I'm still unsuccessful." Your breathing became raspy as your voice cracked at how you're draining yourself everyday with long walks and travels only to result in failure.

"I didn't tell you because I was scared that when you find out that your boyfriend is now jobless, you may rather see the same as what I could look at myself: unreliable, a disappointment, and I'm scared that I might end up unable or lacking to fulfill my responsibility to give everything that would make my girl happy."

Your eyes has finally released each teardrops of its own, streaming down to your cheeks. Nayeon's heart broke even worse at this vulnerable sight of yours while listening the struggle you were currently facing alone.

"I couldn't find any, Nayeon. I'm getting more desperate. I'm sorry if I had to lie and keep it from you."

Nayeon stepped closer to you and hugged you for comfort, calming your emotions down as she let you take your time to steady your breathing.

"I'm sorry if I looked like I was mad at you, I really thought you were cheating behind my back or whatsoever, but my heart was always right. I knew you could never do that." Nayeon smiled thankfully as she rubbed your back gently.

"And here you go again, I told you to stop overthinking yourself about what would I think negatively of you. I won't ever gonna look at you like that!" She scolded you like a mom. "I knew you were always doing your best, for us. I've been seeing that from you since day one. I couldn't belittle you for something I know you will always be great of, and that's for being such a hardworking and committed boyfriend to me."

Nayeon leans away from the hug and wipes the tears off in your face. "You really didn't have to hide those troubles of yours away from me, because anytime I would offer my hand to assist you. Just remember that if you're low sometimes, I would always be the one to lift you all the way up when you're feeling down. So please, be free to be honest next time okay?"

"Okay." You understandably nodded, a soft delighted smile appeared in which you haven't had for almost a week. Nayeon cupped your cheeks and pulled you closer for a heartwarming kiss to finally settle things off between each other tonight.

As they went to their bed to get some sleep, Nayeon remained awake for a while, as she forms a plan in her mind.

The next day, YN was supposed to leave again early to look for a job but he decided to give it a rest because even him couldn't deny that he got tired of moving everywhere. As he and Nayeon were eating a breakfast, Nayeon took your attention by calling your name.

"YN."

"Yes?"

"I thought of something last night and I just want to share it to you."

"That is?"

"Since you couldn't find a job yet, why don't we start our own mini business for now?"

You paused from almost drinking your cup of coffee in your hand. You stared at Nayeon who is grinning at you with her cute bunny teeth showing up, matching the brightness of the sunny morning outside.

"You serious?"

"Yeah. I'm up to it. I mean that's something I can you join you to also. In that way, we can have some more time together plus that could be like my other way to spend my time around and not just staying in this house." Nayeon nodded before taking another spoonful of her food. "But first, I want to hear it also from you. Do you agree with me?"

You pouted your lips and think deeply, but not in a way where he has to pick a choice. You were rather like, visualizing how could it end up for you and her business once you two achieved to start one, and you hoped the most that it would be successful.

"I'm not against it at all." You shook your head. "We could do that, I could use some of my remaining savings from my previous work to add on our target budget." Nayeon was happy with your volunteering.

"Is there anything you wanna consider for us to try?"

"I have one." Nayeon bounced her eyebrows before she continues to finish her breakfast.

A few days later, YN goes with Nayeon to locations where they can find whatever they need. They began by looking through a rental property that was unoccupied in Seoul. They paid a fair price for it, satisfied with the layout and amount of space. They then proceeded to a Home Depot store to purchase decorations, tables, chairs, and other items, all of which were delivered to their location. In addition, they went grocery shopping and purchased a blender, milk, and a variety of fruits. Lastly, they mostly concentrated on assisting one another with the preparation and décor of the entire space. A week later, Nayeon and YN visit their newly founded small business, which they had just completed setting up. Courtesy of Nayeon's idea, it was a natural fruit juice and shake shop.

She said that she wants to sell a product that would give refresh, sweetness, and availability for everyone to try while at the same time, ensuring their customers that they also have a product which will be good for their health.

They looked above to read the sign of their shop's name.

"Alcohol-Free?" You wheezed and glared at Nayeon.

"I mean, we're not selling any alcohol right?" She sniggered.

"But did you really had to make it more obvious?"

"Humor and creativity, YN. We have to aim at those additional points." She formed a gun gesture in her hand and imitates shooting bullets from it.

You hissed and lowered your head, hiding your laughter at Nayeon's silliness.

"Ah, finally it's done! Ooh I can't for us to open it soon!" Nayeon clapped excitedly like a little kid that was about to receive a reward from her parents.

"That's why now you should learn how to make a milkshake properly already."

Nayeon slapped your shoulder at your teasing, a stinging pain irritates your skin. She pouted and grunted like a grumpy granny. "Who among the two of us who couldn't even slice fruits properly huh?"

"Jeez okay, I surrender." You chuckled. Nayeon is still sulking beside you, looking away with her cheeks puffing out and arms crossed. You then took this opportunity as your alternate words of saying sorry to her.

"Thank you for all of this, by the way.  Honestly speaking, this looks amazing Nayeon. You really don't have to go with this much effort..." you felt Nayeon swiftly stabs a deadly glare at you, that won't gonna happen again twice so you continued and fixed your words carefully. "... but I couldn't express how overwhelmed I am with your help."

Nayeon immediately switched her look at you who is glancing the exterior of the shop with glimmer in your eyes and a satisfication in your smile. "With you on my side, managing our very first business together; I just wish the best for us. I hope that many will love this."

Nayeon hooked her arm around yours and pressed her head on your bicep. "I wish the same too. Let's do well, and we will get through that."

She looked up, staring at you. "This is why you have to share your worries with me. Don't make it complicated by yourself, okay? We both love each other, and that would simply mean that there will be no problem for us to overcome anything."

You gratefully kissed Nayeon on the lips to before both entered the fruitshake shop with hands holding together to check the inside next.

Months later, YN and Nayeon's business quickly gained success and popularity, as a result of the large number of daily visitors who were complimenting the shop's appealing design, cozy atmosphere, and natural tastes of their products.

[pynkhues]

Back in hs (over 10 years ago omggg) I used to write fanfic. I really enjoyed it but over time I stopped writing. I’d like to get back into writing but all my interests are in dead fandoms and I know it sounds dumb but I really feel like I need the validation of reviews. In part bc another thing holding me back is I’m afraid that I’m just not any good at writing.

Any suggestions? It’s okay if not. I really enjoy you as a writer and thought there’d be no harm in asking🤍

Hey! Thank you for your kind words, and how exciting that you want to get back into writing! Mm, when you ask for suggestions, are you asking for advice on writing, or in figuring out what fandoms to write for when the ones you're most interested in writing for are dormant?

My suggestion with the latter would be to write for them anyway. I think you'd be surprised at how many people do still check for fandoms that look dead from the outside, but even beyond garnering engagement, starting to write fic in the storyworlds you're most interested in is going to be what keeps you writing.

I think following your interests is one of the most important things you can do as a writer, both in fic and in original writing, because the things that you're interested in are going to be the things you engage with the most curiously, the most creatively, the most passionately, and that is something that comes through in writing to readers. I think you can often tell when someone's chosen to write something because they know it hits a sweet spot in fandom and will likely maximise comments or engagement, and while there's nothing wrong with that per se, I think it can be creatively limiting and usually won't be someone's best work.

It feels such a cliche thing to say, but in writing - particularly in writing fic - you should be your own primary audience. Write for yourself, write the stories you wish other people were writing, hell, write the stories other people are writing, write what you want to read, because that's what fanfic is ultimately for. There's no way to guarantee engagement, let alone validation through writing - I truly still, after years of writing fic, couldn't tell you at the point of posting which of my fics are going to get me 300 comments, or 30 comments, or 3 (and I've had plenty of the latter, trust me, haha) - so focusing on the thing you can guarantee needs to be your own enjoyment and creative fulfilment.

Loving the act of writing, even when it's frustrating, even when it makes you want to tear your hair out, has to be a part of the process, because you're never going to be able to know if people are going to love reading it, or even read it at all.

It's also important to remember that writing is a skill like any other. We tend to romanticise artistic skills, but the reality is that, as with anything else, you get better by doing the thing. You can read about writing (and you should), and reading broadly and thinking about stories is definitely vital, but the only way to really get better at writing is by writing. In a lot of ways, smaller, more dormant fandoms are the best places to start too as sure, you might get less comments, but there'll often be people hungry for fic there which in turn offers you space to develop your skills.

I've actually got a writing advice tag which I've used on an ad hoc basis over the last few years, so there's a bit in there if you're interested. I've cherrypicked a few posts that I've written that might be useful, but if you have other questions, please let me know and I'll do my best to answer. :-)

Writing advice posts

Broad advice for new writers (plot in three questions, cause and effect and character agency)

Advice for new writers: three questions to build your plot

Talking about scale, scope and stakes (concrit of The Batman)

Disruption of ritual and inciting incidents

Tips on finding a character's voice

Tips on getting dialogue to flow / writing conversations

Tips on writing dialogue (Rio from GG, but also general)

Tips on writing sex scenes

On where to break a paragraph

[coralhoneyrose]

📚 🔮 ?

📚 Is there a fanfic or fanfic writer you recommend?

Oh man, there’s a whole bunch of them as a matter of fact! I made a list for an anonymous ask a while back that you can find here, but there have been some other excellent chrobin fics I have found or re-discovered since then, so here’s a few additions:

Our Last First Meeting

Elevation

Flushed

Mate in Four

Went looking for a creation myth; ended up with a pair of cracked lips

Day of the Dead

As It Should Be

Guilt and Forgiveness 

Heavy is the Head 

Mental math

The Best Dad Ever

Firefly

🔮 Any advice for writers working through burnout or writer’s block?

I do have some, actually! Most of this has probably been said before, but here’s some stuff that has helped me:

Take a break. Like a real break where you’re not even trying to write or plan for your writing and set a minimum length for the break ahead of time. If you find yourself wanting to write during the break anyway, don't. Better to make yourself take the time away and give yourself a chance to miss it; also, you don't want to teach your brain that the breaks are conditional it needs to be a real period with absolutely zero expectations of producing anything.  

When you come back to writing afterwards, don’t bite off more than you can chew. Start with small goals like “I will write for 10 minutes and if I am not enjoying it at the end, then I will honor my feelings and stop”. If you have a hard time with accountability, try telling a friend you will start at a certain time and having them message you once the time is up to ask if you were able to follow through and how it went. 

Fresh air!! If it’s feasible, preferably somewhere with trees or a body of water. Could be good to go alone as well, or with someone who won’t expect you to talk the whole time. Making time to let your thoughts wander and to daydream is important for replenishing creative reserves.

Try a hand at drawer fic. Write something really different from what you’ve been working on with no intention to ever publish it or necessarily show it to anyone. Just let yourself focus on the actual creation process without all the pressures

Talk with friends about some of the things you love / that get you excited about whatever thing you’re trying to write (may work better with fic than original work but could probably be made to work in either case)

Put on really good music when you sit down to write. I recommend something instrumental personally, since my brain has a hard time making words if I am listening to someone else’s, but that sort of thing is different for everyone.

Read books with prose you find inspiring and take notes (can just be on your phone) on the writing techniques the author uses that you like or specific word choices and phrasing you find interesting. Next time you sit down to write, revisit it to get some ideas flowing

This last one is kinda specific and may only be applicable to certain types of writer’s block and burn out, but I was in a bit of a writing slump not long ago and reading this blog post was very reassuring to me. To generalize it a little more, maybe try looking into other writing communities or listening to other writers share their experiences with the same thing. One of the scary things about writer’s block / burn out is that when you’re in it, it can feel like it will never end. Hearing from other people who have been in the same position as you can be really reassuring <3

[pebblysand]

The Year I Finished Castles

As we all know, 2024 is now drawing to a close. It's been quite a year, hasn't it? For me, it's obviously also the year I finished castles. After four years of hard work and dedication, and joy, and sleepless nights, almost to the day, I finally wrote out "the end."

Still, the adventure is not quite yet over. I didn't expect this, but it turns out that saying goodbye has been a very gradual process for me. First, because writing-wise, while I had a lot of great plans for what I would do and write after, it's actually taken me a bit more time than I expected to fully move on. That's okay. I've had a bunch of health issues to sort out, as well as a lot of travelling and resting to do, and in between, sadly haven't written much. I'm hoping the new year will bring a new start, and that I'll get back in the flow of things.

Second, because incredibly, people are still reading, and discovering this fic. That's been incredible to witness. I thought it had plateau-ed but it definitely hasn't, and I still have a backlog of over thirty comments to answer, and perhaps I always will. As soon as I answer a batch, another keeps coming. This fills me with joy beyond belief and brings a smile to my face every single day.

Third, because a number of castles-y things are still ongoing. I'm keeping the Discord discussion open until the end of December. There is a podfic being recorded by the wonderful josnail on AO3, and people are now finding and enjoying this fic thanks to them. And, now, as I have teased a couple times on different platforms, I have a surprise for you. I really wanted to get this over to you before Christmas/the end of the year but alas, the proofs took ages to come, so here we are.

There's a book. A physical one. You can have it too!

It's beautiful. It's a labour of love. It's got illustrations and a cover and loads of different things I hope you will enjoy! I made it for me primarily, but I also made it for you.

So, how do I get it?

Please fill out this form.

How much does it cost?

Nothing. This is a gift from me to you, so you don’t need to pay anything. However, if you’d like to help with the costs, you can donate to my Ko-fi. To give you an idea, the printing fee is €25.90 per copy, and shipping fees range between €10 and €30, depending on where I ship it.

(If you are part of the tiktok/tumblr fanfiction police and want to explain to me why I'm awful for illegally printing/selling these and will kill fanfiction because Anne Rice's ghost will sue me, please go touch grass. my fic is not hugely popular, and i'm anticipating maybe thirty people ordering copies, tops. also, i'm a lawyer, well able to calculate my own legal liability/risks, and what you think about the monetisation of fanfic is most likely wrong.)

When is the deadline to order?

31 January 2025. 

How will this work?

I will order the books in batch to my place. I will then sign them/dedicate them, then ship them to you. I am doing this because 1) I think it's cooler if they're signed and 2) I'm very Type A and want to make sure each of them is perfect before you receive them.

Important: while I created the cover, picked out the chapter illustrations on Canva, and created the typeset myself, this is a private company I'm paying to bind and print the books. I am not hand-binding them. I neither have the skills nor the patience for this.

When will I receive my book?

I can't say for certain. I will be making the first order at 8pm GMT, Monday 9 December, and hopefully receive and ship out the first batch of copies by 21 December. Then, I will make a batch order every Friday until the end of January. Once I receive the books, I will sign them and ship them to you. If you live in Europe/UK, it will be quicker than if you live elsewhere. I am hoping/anticipating everyone will have their copy by end of February.

I have other questions...

Please send them to my ask box ❤️.