#the most embarrassing thing? these are NOT the only fankids I’ve made

[lethality-of-dual-strike]

not to worry folks I’ve made more crackship kids

basis for ships below

They’re NEXT to each other you don’t understand— *pelted with rocks* I live for crack shipping and making fankids it’s so unreasonably FUN

[quibbs126]

You know, I’m debating again whether I should stop doing fankids/fan parents

It’s not necessarily because of recent requests or anything, but rather because of a video I was watching yesterday, which was talking about trends and how they kill an artist’s creativity (it was basically about this one MLP episode about Rarity, if that brings more context). And yeah while it wasn’t exactly what I experience, it did speak to me on some level, and it made me think about my requests

Yes I do enjoy doing them, but I wonder if in some way they stifle my creativity, and sometimes I feel more like a factory line pumping them out, even if my frequency of release says otherwise. Also, I feel like it’s lost some of that “magic” that it originally had for me when I first started. I originally started because I really wanted to, since Cookie Run was something that could scratch that old itch of fankids that first came around in my starting days in fandoms that never really left. I asked for ships to do in part because I wasn’t sure what people shipped, other than the popular stuff, and also because I was embarrassed to do it, and thought that doing them by requests would make it less embarrassing. But somewhere along the lines, I lost that and was just kind of doing it because I had to. Some of that magic returned when I decided to start doing fan parents, but then that went away too

I don’t really want to admit it, but I feel like most of it comes from the fact that these are requests, not so much what I want to do, but rather what other people want. But I feel like it’s mean to blame you guys for that. After all, I literally asked for you to send me your ships to do fankids for, you’re just doing what I asked you to do. And what if you just wanted someone to make some sort of content for your ship? And I blame you for that? Not to mention it’s probably given me more knowledge of ships and what people like, or that people tend to be really nice about it in their asks

So one part of me wants to stop so that maybe I can get some creativity back, or that maybe I can regain things that I think I’ve lost while making them this last year. But also another part of me either doesn’t want to, or doesn’t feel like I can

I mean, if I were to close it now and just do whatever requests I still have, that’d still be over half of my total requests I have to do, so it wouldn’t exactly be a solution to the current problem; I’d still be doing old requests for likely over another year based on my track record. I could just say I’m not doing any more, but that wouldn’t be fair to all the people who requested, especially recently (granted it’s not like I’m fair to them with how long they have to wait regardless). Not to mention I still have ideas for some of them that I haven’t finished. And if I only do some of them, what dictates whose gets finished and whose doesn’t? And again, that doesn’t really solve the issue since that’s already what I do, and it’s not really a distinct stopping point

And then there’s the issue of this being most of what I do, making fankids, and again, this being something I enjoy doing. What else am I supposed to draw? You all know I can’t hold an idea for maybe more than a day or two. But I can’t just not draw, it’s what I do and have this need to create. And fankids in general are some of my favorite things to create

And if I really do stop, I’d want to start again with a clean slate, not just pause and start back up again, since that doesn’t change the issue, just pauses it

*sigh* I just don’t know what to do

[winryofresembool]

Fic: Nightmares and Morse Code

Fandom: Heroes of Olympus (I imagine this happening some time post TBoO. Also, I have not read Trials of Apollo and I don’t know if I ever will so if this fic has some canon divergence, that’s why)

Characters/ships: Leo Valdez/Calypso

Summary: Calypso notices a certain habit of Leo's when she's trying to comfort him after a nightmare.

AO3 link

A/N: I decided to post this fic here too, so if you saw a link earlier, yes it’s the same fic. Anyway, I guess I am now officially writing non FMA content. Heroes of Olympus has pretty much consumed my life for the past few weeks (or even months by now) and while I adore Leo and also Caleo as a ship, I've noticed the fandom doesn't agree with me especially on the latter and there's very little Caleo content anywhere. So, I decided to change that! The idea of Leo saying I love you for the first time through Morse Code had me soft and I just had to write a fic around that. So, without a further ado, please enjoy and don't forget to review especially if you'd like to see me write more HoO content in the future! (And FMA fans, don't worry, I surely haven't abandoned Edwin or my fankids!!)

Genre: fluff, hurt/comfort

Warnings: none?

...

That night was particularly bad. Leo thought that in exchange for the happy moments he spent with Calypso, some evil force had decided to make his dreams double as bad.

Some of them were old, familiar ones. The fire that had killed his mother. Abusive foster families and bullies at schools he had escaped from. The voice telling him that he’d forever be the seventh wheel, his friends smiling and laughing together while he was stuck alone in his bunker. The Argo II group, all except him, getting killed by the giants, because of him.

But there were a couple of new ones too. In the first one he was back in the underworld, feeling that same pain he had back then he had died, positive he was on his way to Tartarus. But he found the second dream worse: Gaea was torturing Calypso, telling Leo that he had to pick from two options: either Calypso would have to die or she’d wake up again and destroy all the life on earth. If Leo had had to pick between himself and the rest of the world, he wouldn’t have had to think long. But… Calypso was just barely starting to learn what living in the real world meant after her 3000 years lasting imprisonment, she was so excited and happy to see new things, and genuinely wanted to be with Leo (despite the constant bickering) for reasons he didn’t quite understand, and… he could not bear the thought of living without her. Finally, he woke up to his own screams as he watched Gaea’s ‘minions’ cut her with a sharp knife yet again.

“Leo?”

It was too dark in his room to see, but he heard fast footsteps approaching him and soon the door was opened and someone switched the light on. He had to squint and protect his eyes from the light before he finally saw the slender figure next to him. Relief flooded into him as he realized that it had all been just a nightmare and Calypso was just fine, although with a very worried expression on her face.

“Hey, Sunshine,” Leo said with a slightly hoarse voice, attempting a lopsided smile but it didn’t reach his eyes. “What’s up?”

“I… heard you screaming.” Calypso replied, suddenly embarrassed about rushing into his bedroom like that.

“Me? Screaming?” Leo sat up and waved his hand, trying to brush it off. “I think your ears are not quite yet used to the mortal world, mi sol.”

“Leo Valdez. I’m serious. I know what I heard.” Calypso glared at him, her beautiful features getting surprisingly scary when she wanted to. However, Leo didn’t budge.

“Sirius? Like Sirius Black from Harry Potter? I thought your name is Calypso,” he attempted, fully aware of how poor his joke was.

“What’s Harry Potter?” Calypso asked with confusion, not yet familiar with the modern popular culture.

“Only the most popular black-haired fantasy hero of our time… After me, of course.” Leo winked, but Calypso wasn’t happy with his answer.

“You’re only trying to make me forget the original topic. Why were you screaming?”

His face fell and he was twitching his hands nervously on his lap.

“Fine. It was a nightmare. But nothing I can’t handle.”

Calypso looked at him sadly, wanting to reach him but not sure if she should. Instead, she said softly: “I know you’re trying to act brave for me, but you don’t have to. I can see that something is hurting you and I want to help you. Like you’ve helped me. Maybe opening up would help you feel better.”

At this point Calypso noticed that Leo seemed to be tapping a certain pattern on the wooden edge of the bed with his fingers. She wanted to ask about it, but decided against it. Instead, she sat down next to him and slowly inched her hand towards his arm, encouraging him to talk.

Leo shook his head to clear his mind. “I… well, in these nightmares, I was reliving some of my worst memories… My mother and stuff… But there was a new dream too.”

“Please. Tell me about it.”

Leo tried to resist but something about Calypso’s calm tone and expression worked like Piper’s charmspeaking and he started babbling so fast Calypso couldn’t keep up with him. “Calm down a bit, Hot Head,” she stopped him. “I only got the part that I was in the dream.”

Leo took a deep breath, trying to focus on his hands that were still tapping against the wood nervously. Then he started in a slower pace: “Yeah… Dirt Face… I mean Gaea…” he added when Calypso raised her eyebrow questioningly, “in this dream, she was trying to wake up again… And she tried to make me choose between you… and the rest of the world… I mean, either you die or them… and I couldn’t.”

Calypso let that information sink in. Trying to hide her emotions, she crossed her arms over her chest and asked: “Are you saying that you would even consider letting me stay alive if you could save the rest of the world?”

Leo probably hadn’t expected that reaction. He failed to recognize that a part of the reason Calypso asked that was to conceal the fact that she was moved, going defensive: “But Cal, remember how she tried to make you kill me in Ogygia. And she could have offered you something much better than I could. But you refused to kill me. You even helped me get off that island even though… you know.” In his mind he added ‘even though it hurt you’. “Do you really think that after all that I could just…”

“Hey, it’s OK. I… think I understand your feeling. But thankfully you don’t have to choose because I’m right here, I’m OK, and she’s gone.” Calypso squeezed Leo’s free hand briefly. After a moment of silence, deciding to change the subject: “That… thing you do with your fingers… Is that a Morse code? Or have you been listening to too much of that rap music you talk about?”

Suddenly Leo’s face went all red. Calypso probably would be weirded out by his habit if she knew the meaning. “You… don’t happen to know Morse code, do you?”

“Not really…” she had to admit.

“That’s… that’s fine. The thing I was doing was just something my mother taught me when I was a kid.” Leo shrugged, trying to look casual.

“Oh… I thought it might mean something.”

“Maybe it does, maybe it doesn’t. If you want to know, you’ll have to figure it out on your own.” Leo smirked, even though he couldn’t hide his blushing.

“Leo Valdez, so full of mysteries.” Calypso rolled her eyes, but couldn’t help but smile a bit.

“That’s why the ladies love me! Even you fell for my mysterious charm.”

“Uhhuh.” Calypso pushed him back to his bed, sticking her tongue out. Then she spoke with a softer tone. “So, are you feeling better now?”

“I think I am. Thanks. Talking with you made me feel better.” He still looked like something was bothering him, though. In reality, some, annoying part of him tried to tell him to reveal the code.

“I’m glad to hear that,” Calypso replied, reaching to give him a quick kiss on the cheek. “Um, maybe I should go back to bed. We have some work to do tomorrow.”

“Sure… Well, good night,” Leo answered, looking a bit… disappointed? Before Calypso was out of the room, though, he said with a new determination:

“Hey, Sunshine. I’ll give you a hint. It’s ‘te quiero’ in Spanish.

“What is?”

“The code. And… I mean it. With you.”

“Oh. Okay.” Calypso answered, even more confused than before as she exited the room. She only knew a couple of Spanish swear words (thanks to Leo) so she had no idea what ‘kiero’ or whatever that word was meant. But she decided to find out.

…

A week later, Calypso heard Leo scream again. But this time, instead of waking him up and inquiring him about his dreams, she decided to sit down on a chair next to the bed and hold his hand, hoping it would reach him. She had spent a long time researching on both Spanish language and Morse codes and had finally cracked Leo’s code. Some part of her had already known its meaning but seeing it for real had made her strangely overwhelmed. As she saw him there, whimpering quietly, scrunching his forehead and looking so vulnerable , that exact same emotion he had been expressing struck her with force. This brave, determined, smart (and, she had to admit to herself, sometimes kinda funny) boy had been through so much. Ever since his mother had died, his life had been nothing but a struggle, and even now that they were (relatively) safe, the ghosts of the things he had experienced were still haunting him. She wanted to show him there were still things worth living, worth loving, in this world.

So she started softly tapping on his hand.

.. .-.. --- ...- . -.-- --- ..-

I. Love. You.

It seemed his form relaxed as she reached the end of the code. She waited a bit longer to see if the nightmare had faded away, but when she finally stood up about to leave, his fingers suddenly wrapped up around hers.

“So you figured it out,” a sleepy voice said against his pillow.

“I did,” Calypso admitted.

“Cal.”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t go.”

Calypso wasn’t sure if she had heard right. “Huh?”

“I… I’d like you to stay.” Leo said, sounding unusually vulnerable.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, Sunshine.”

“OK. I’ll stay then.”

Leo backed up in his bed to make her space, and she settled down next to him. She didn’t protest when an arm wrapped around his waist after he had put the comforter over them, instead nuzzling closer to him and taking in the warmth that was radiating from him. And gods, he really was warm. The two didn’t say much after that, but Leo’s fingers started automatically tapping an answer to her message against her stomach. Soon enough, both of them started drifting into sleep, this time a much more peaceful one.