#the more he suffers
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hinamie · 5 months ago
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I don't want to regret the way I lived
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ruporas · 6 months ago
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need to exist in your warmth (id in alt)
#vashwood#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#trigun#trigun maximum#blood tw#ruporas art#love u when i get to cuddle u and love u when i get to feel ur blood soak into my hands#being this close to one another means the eternal suffering of trying to separate love and mission. love for one and love for humanity#i like to think of pre-vol8 vash as someone who struggles with his feelings for ww bc as equal and as trusted he is -#vash knows his responsibilities and he knows/expects ww wouldn't let him stray from it either. for that he can't take to any romantic incli#and i think itd make him view ww in a stricter non-personal way... If that makes ANY sense.#for ww - take someone who youv gotten close to and ended up liking more than you expected#someone who has a belief and follows it stubbornly - someone who'll get into more fights and trouble more than youv had your entire life#ww thinks of him as a monster but he knows theres a limit he himself can take - i feel like hes considered what might be the limit for vash#for Safety measures. just in case. yknow. whenever he himself might have to load the bullet < him hyping himself up as if he could do it#my point being that the thought of vash being dead crosses his mind more than he'd like. i think its a simultaneous dread drop in his stoma#for failure of the mission - but also an Ok? They can be killed? and also a disastrous gunning of his own heart. considering how much they#both live in their own heads some days are Just the worst ever for them in each others company. but also they lov each other :[ sooo much
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inkskinned · 2 years ago
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the thing is that they're so fascinated by sex, they love sex, they can't imagine a world without sex - they need sex to sell things, they need sex to be part of their personality, they need sex to prove their power - but they hate sex. they are disgusted by it.
sex is the only thing that holds their attention, and it is also the thing that can never be discussed directly.
you can't tell a child the normal names for parts of their body, that's sexual in nature, because the body isn't a body, it's a vessel of sex. it doesn't matter that it's been proven in studies (over and over) that kids need to know the names of their genitals; that they internalize sexual shame at a very young age and know it's 'dirty' to have a body; that it overwhelmingly protects children for them to have the correct words to communicate with. what matters is that they're sexual organs. what matters is that it freaks them out to think about kids having body parts - which only exist in the context of sex.
it's gross to talk about a period or how to check for cancer in a testicle or breast. that is nasty, illicit. there will be no pain meds for harsh medical procedures, just because they feature a cervix.
but they will put out an ad of you scantily-clad. you will sell their cars for them, because you have abs, a body. you will drip sex. you will ooze it, like a goo. like you were put on this planet to secrete wealth into their open palms.
they will hit you with that same palm. it will be disgusting that you like leather or leashes, but they will put their movie characters in leather and latex. it will be wrong of you to want sexual freedom, but they will mark their success in the number of people they bed.
they will crow that it's inappropriate for children so there will be no lessons on how to properly apply a condom, even to teens. it's teaching them the wrong things. no lessons on the diversity of sexual organ growth, none on how to obtain consent properly, none on how to recognize when you feel unsafe in your body. if you are a teenager, you have probably already been sexualized at some point in your life. you will have seen someone also-your-age who is splashed across a tv screen or a magazine or married to someone three times your age. you will watch people pull their hair into pigtails so they look like you. so that they can be sexy because of youth. one of the most common pornography searches involves newly-18 young women. girls. the words "barely legal," a hiss of glass sand over your skin.
barely legal. there are bills in place that will not allow people to feel safe in their own bodies. there are people working so hard to punish any person for having sex in a way that isn't god-fearing and submissive. heteronormative. the sex has to be at their feet, on your knees, your eyes wet. when was the first time you saw another person crying in pornography and thought - okay but for real. she looks super unhappy. later, when you are unhappy, you will close your eyes and ignore the feeling and act the role you have been taught to keep playing. they will punish the sex workers, remove the places they can practice their trade safely. they will then make casual jokes about how they sexually harass their nanny.
and they love sex but they hate that you're having sex. you need to have their ornamental, perfunctory, dispassionate sex. so you can't kiss your girlfriend in the bible belt because it is gross to have sex with someone of the same gender. so you can't get your tubes tied in new england because you might change your mind. so you can't admit you were sexually assaulted because real men don't get hurt, you should be grateful. you cannot handle your own body, you cannot handle the risks involved, let other people decide that for you. you aren't ready yet.
but they need you to have sex because you need to have kids. at 15, you are old enough to parent. you are not old enough to hear the word fuck too many times on television.
they are horrified by sex and they never stop talking about it, thinking about it, making everything unnecessarily preverted. the saying - a thief thinks everyone steals. they stand up at their podiums and they look out at the crowd and they sign a bill into place that makes sexwork even more unsafe and they stand up and smile and sign a bill that makes gender-affirming care illegal and they get up and they shrug their shoulders and write don't say gay and they get up, and they make the world about sex, but this horrible, plastic vision of it that they have. this wretched, emotionless thing that holds so much weight it's staggering. they put their whole spine behind it and they push and they say it's normal!
this horrible world they live in. disgusted and also obsessed.
#this shifts gender so much bc it actually affects everyone#yes it's a gendered phenomenon. i have written a LOT about how different genders experience it. that's for a different post.#writeblr#ps my comments about seeing someone cry -- this is not to shame any person#and on this blog we support workers.#at the same time it's a really hard experience to see someone that looks like you. clearly in agony. and have them forced to keep going.#when you're young it doesn't necessarily look like acting. it looks scary. and that's what this is about - the fact that teens#have likely already been exposed to that definition of things. because the internet exists#and without the context of healthy education. THAT is the image burned into their minds about what it looks like.#it's also just one of those personal nuanced biases -#at 19 i thought it was normal to be in pain. to cry. to not-like-it. that it should be perfunctory.#it was what i had seen.#and it didn't help that my religious upbringing was like . 'yeah that's what you get for premarital. but also for the reference#we do think you should never actually enjoy it lol'#so like the point im making is that ppl get exposed to that stuff without the context of something more tender#and assume .... 'oh. so it's fine i am not enjoying myself'. and i know they do because I DID.#he was my first boyfriend. how was i supposed to know any different#i didn't even have the mental wherewithal to realize im a lesbian . like THAT used to suffering.
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risendepths · 2 months ago
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don't mess with the head of the fey clan .. she WILL project her period cramps onto you ...
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catabasis · 8 months ago
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every day i think of the light progressively abandoning the doctor's eyes in season four
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redgana · 22 days ago
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what lucanis sees when Rook visits
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nenayaquisieras · 10 months ago
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Simon has always been confused on why you gift him toys. Sure, most of the gifts you gave him were some of the things he liked. Bourbon, masks, gloves, make up for him to smudge his eyes with, some daggers and knives. Things that we're useful for him, just him. But later, you gifted him a toy airplane. He makes a comment about it, saying he is not a child anymore and you were better off giving it to Johnny instead.
"No, this is specifically for you, take it."
When he gets to him room, he walks toward his trash can, opening it with the tip of his boot. He gives one more look at the toy, his mood souring before throwing it into the trash. He goes on about his day, training, signing paper work, drills. Doing anything to ignore the pain stinging memories that the toy brought back. Emotions that were buried thousands of feet deep it could reach hell itself. Later, he lies awake in bed, staring at the ceiling, avoiding looking at the cylinder shape that's calling for him in his peripheral.
Fuck.
He pulls the covers off vigorously and stomps over to the trash can. He is standing over it like he's trying to intimidate it, as if it was an enemy he's trying to get rid of in battle. To anyone else, the scene would look comical.
He sighs to himself and reaches down to take out the toy he so cruelly threw away. He sets it on his desk and quickly walks toward his bed, facing away from his desk.
The next day, he wakes up feeling different. He swears he sees his room more vibrant, more lively. That energy follows him through out the day, having his other teammates notice his rather bright mood.
You catch him in the hallway. Pulling him aside to ask him about the paper work you left at his desk this morning. Of course, he notices the way you smile brightly, more so than usual. But he notices that you're not looking at him. More like looking at something next to him.
"What's got you so cheery?"
You turn to look up at him, feeling a bit embarrassed.
"I just..." You take a quick glance at the spot next to him, before bringing your eyes back upon his.
"I just hope you liked your gift." The same bright smile appearing on your face.
He stares at you, examining your words. Your expression.
You think you see his eyes crinkle a bit.
"Yea,"
"I liked it."
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fiddlingford · 3 months ago
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Gravity falls as onion headlines part II part I part III
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teh-inggris · 2 months ago
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pvp civ nation...... this aint much but pls take my contribution for this series bc im going insane i love hate this man so much get him out of my head
#senart#pvp civilization#pvp civ#I'LL MAKE A PROPER ONE I SWEARR I JUST NEED TO GET THIS OUT OF MYSYSTEM FIRST#if it turns out he gets a bad ending in ep 6 i dont think i'll be ok like#he deserves a good ending . or a villain arc at least. he deserves to go batshit crazy after how everyone treated him#ALSOO the chekovs gun video journal device thing?? The excessive 4th wall breaking?#Is it just me or does jt feel like evbo is gonna lose his memory/already lost his memory and was sent to the wood sword lvl with tabi#or like . Idk?? It feels kind of truman show ish. Well maybe not that but its just the vibe im getting w the way that everyone has their-#-own secrets. How the diamond swords seems to know who evbo n tabi is. How princezam knows about the diamond swords#and then theres also parrot whos just?? Weird overall?? Idk whats going on w him but i need to know his backstory wdym u think evbo will-#-hate you if he knows what you did??#ANYWAY BACK TO THE VIDEO JOURNAL AND POTENTIAL MEMORY LOSS.#I dont want jt to go that way (mostly bc i dont want to see evbo suffer more than he already did) but it rlly does seem like its heading to#that direction w the way that it also has become a way to narrate what he went through (ie when the ep shows his attempts to beat the-#gold sword lvl but hes narrating it from the future. from his video journal. where he already beat the lvl)#im going insane#Wait also what i meant by the truman show vibe in relation to the excessive 4th wall breaks it makes it sound like pvp civ is just a -#simulation#wait i just remembered its the matrix not that mb umm#anyways.#empty chattering
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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 2 months ago
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Burning Rotten Bridges
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#mianmian#nie mingjue#jin guangyao#JGY is nothing but outwardly calm and carrying on his duties as the chair for the meeting#but in that small pause after Nie Mingjue commemorates Mianmian for leaving...you can feel the tension.#Because Nie Mingjue comes from a place of privilege. He's always been in a position where his legitimacy and political standing-#-were never challenged. He didn't have to fight for respect. He was born into this world respected.#For people like Mianmian and JGY who clawed their way up from the bottom...this is a huge deal.#Truth be told I have a lot of things to say about what it means and feels to be in a position where leaving is messy.#There are times where the situation is bad but to leave means that those years of your life will have been for nothing.#That all the other suffering incurred will be fruitless. So you just *keep going*. Because it *has* to be worth it.#Because going back to what you were before is even more terrifying than the hell you are boiling in.#My concrete example for this is post-grad academia.#Because that cohort will have spent over a decade pursuing a goal and leaving means...well...it means throwing away those years.#It means losing (likely nearly all) your connections. It means going into debt you'll never pay off.#It means putting up with some pretty heinous abuse from your supervisor because what are you suppose to do? Leave?#Leaving is for those with the privilege to have options.#And even if you do have options...#Ultimately we would rather love the pain we know than risk the unknown. Hoping it's worth it one day.#With that mindset established; never say JGY should have just left like Mianmian. He couldn't. This was what he dedicated his life to.#He never had the option. Even if it seemed like he did - no he did not. He never conceived this ending ever happening for himself.
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deliciousnecks · 2 months ago
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wwdits II 6.03
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stars-obsession-pit · 3 months ago
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Tim has found his soulmate (not a soulmate AU, just in the like “i think we’re totally meant to be together” way). Well, okay, it’s entirely one-sided so far, but he’s sure SpecterNova will reciprocate once they’re in proper contact.
He’s already found everything he publicly can on the youtuber, but he’s still digging deeper. It’s weirdly difficult—his love must like his privacy!—but he’s making headway.
On the other end, Danny is getting nervous about the dedication of his new internet stalker. Even with Tucker’s help in setting up his online security and the scrambling effects of ectoplasm, they can tell that the person is still making progress. They don’t seem like they’re a part of the GIW, but that doesn’t mean their search can’t harm him in some other way.
He really hopes he doesn’t have to change identities again. Having to do it the first time to flee the GIW was bad enough, and he’s been liking his current life.
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yuukirita · 2 months ago
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I did angst-
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aesthetic-uni · 2 years ago
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Miles “Who’s Morales” vs Gwen “Gwwwwanda” vs Pavtir “You seem like a nice young woman I do not know” FIGHT
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wishchip106 · 27 days ago
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i’ve been using my brain more than its used to
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gonna think about gay mutant road trip hope my brain doesn’t explode
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kelin-is-writing · 6 months ago
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How… Do I recover from this…?
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