#the moment nell dances/not dances with arthur again

[carry-on-every-neverland-magic]

The Bent-Neck Lady remains one of the most devastating and exquisite episodes of television ever

[herhaunt-a]

find me eternally thinking about how hill house created the happiness nell was craving before it killed her . how she came home and saw them as children before everything happened , how her mother dressed her up and gave her the locket , how her siblings told her what she needed to hear and she saw her husband again, and danced with him . the only way the house could trap nell was by making her happy , by tricking her into believing that she was surrounded by people she loved . 

the house personalises the experience within it to kill you , and we see steve and shirley address marital issues, theo be touched, olivia see her dead kids, and luke remember the moments before his mum murdered his friend ... but nell ? it just makes her happy . nell remembers more of hill house than anyone knows , including her , like she’s doing a jigsaw and she doesn’t have the picture on the box and the edges are worn and pieces are missing . she knows hill house , so for her to walk in and relive an argument or something , is her walking in and figuring it out way too fast.

but happiness ? happiness is intoxicating . happiness is the one thing that nell doesn’t have now and when she had it , it was still messy . so the house sanitises her happiness and gives her hollow shells of her family saying those things she wanted to hear , and gives her arthur and her mother , and she’s happy . and that’s how the house manipulates nell into her death , by making her so happy that she doesn’t want to leave , that she walks through it all , right to the last moment , when it’s already too late .

[myriadimagines]

Characters: Reader x Eleanour ‘Nell’ Crain

Warnings: suicide 

Gif credit: joel-miller

Sensory Prompt: 52. Exhausted numbness after crying

Word Count: 597

A/N: i was rewatching episodes of this show (instead of like,,,, catching up on all my other shows) and i literally started crying because this show is so good and powerful ughhhhhhh (sensory prompts are not open!)

Hill House was supposed to be a distant memory, a bad dream that’ll forever plague the corners of your mind but nothing more. You thought it was all over, the ghosts, the deaths, the trauma. You were older now, old enough to try and trick yourself into thinking you didn’t believe in ghosts. 

You knew. You knew, deep into the odd hours of the night where the world feels still and suspended, when you were jolted awake, gasping for air as you felt as though something was gripped around your neck. Even before your father called, even before the other calls from your siblings came pouring it, you knew it had to be Nell. Your baby sister, the one who always seemed to be crying for help. And the one time you didn’t respond—

You dropped the phone when your father told you the news, that Nell was dead, hung herself back in Hill House, dangling over the very spot where your mother died, too. You should’ve picked up the phone, you thought, should’ve picked up the damn phone. The work you were so busy doing suddenly seems irrelevant, because if you just stopped your paperwork for one second, just took the time to answer Nell, perhaps you wouldn’t be crying yourself to exhaustion on your bedroom floor. 

The sobs lurch from somewhere deep inside of you, somewhere dark and tragic and almost animalistic. Your cries sound inhuman, the wailing echoing through your apartment with hot tears burning down your cheeks. All your energy seems to be invested in grieving, in crying until you’re empty, left on the floor in a silent heap overcome with numbness to the world. You can’t feel your fingers, your toes, your skin feels foreign to you, your own body unwanted. You want to expel yourself from your flesh and bone, escape this cruel world that seems to do nothing but take, but you’re trapped. Trapped within your paralysed, fatigued self. 

You’ll never know how she spent her last moments. You figure she spent them in fear, alone in empty rooms with her heart pounding against her fragile ribcage, her skin cold from a house that never had the warmth to be a home. You’ll never know that she saw you that night, saw you with the rest of your family. Steven, Theo, Luke, Shirley, mom and dad, even Arthur. She danced with him, amongst the marble statues whose blank eyes always seemed to follow you, milky skin glowing ominously in the moonlight. Her bare feet swept across the dusty floors, tangled with the ivy in swift twirls. You’ll never know that she spent her last moments with her heart so full of love, finally reuniting with your family, torn apart by grief and unspeakable ghosts, finally reuniting with your mother, the beautiful, caring woman that was stolen from you when you were too young. 

It wasn’t until the last second, the split second before she was plunged off the balcony, did she experience fear. The fear of feeling her feet teeter off the edge, the creaking of the metal under her unsettling her threatening to collapse. The last thing she remembers is feeling the warmth of her mother’s soft lips on her forehead, the kiss of death itself before she fell, fell again and again as she saw herself from the past, her face contorted in a scream as she unknowingly saw herself each time she thought she saw a ghost, and there’s nothing scarier than this, she thinks. Nothing scarier than realizing that no one can haunt you but yourself. 

[victorluvsalice]

Song Saturday: I AM Gonna Write You A Love Song

Okay, so. . .this might be the most random AU I've ever come up with for my OTP. Mostly because this AU doesn't have so much of a plot as a playlist at the moment. Here, let me try to explain -- I don't know how many of you paid attention to my tags when I posted the song "Broken" by lovelytheband for a Song Saturday back in April, but in them I mentioned that I thought the song would pair well with a previous entry from February -- "Say You Won't Let Go" by James Arthur. Mostly because "Say You Won't Let Go" has the couple in the song meeting during a night of partying, and it occurred to me that maybe the event mentioned in "Broken" -- a party at some rich kid's Brooklyn loft -- could be the same incident. Having to deal with a bunch of elitists they don't actually want to be around would explain them drinking too much in the first song. . . Anyway, I was going to leave that stray thought as just that --

Until, a little while later, I happened to catch "Your Body Is A Wonderland" by John Mayer on the radio, remembered how I'd described it in my Song Saturday entry as a cute sleepy day for Alice and Victor in bed. . .and suddenly thought, "Hey, actually -- isn't that the exact same picture 'Bubbly' by Colbie Calliat paints for me? Heh, maybe those two songs are about the same incident -- just Mayer's is Victor's perspective, and Calliat's Alice's! That's kind of a cute idea. . .

"Huh. I wonder if I could fit them, 'Broken,' and 'Say You Won't Let Go' into the same verse."

And that is when I made the mistake of going through my Song Saturday tag to see if I could find links to each of the songs for a much shorter post about this nonsense. Because that is when I saw "Falling For You" by Colbie, decided maybe that would be cute to throw in too. . .and what else have I put into this tag over the years. . .

Long story short, I now have eighteen songs that I've arranged into a rough "timeline" for the AU, and I'm actively trying to stop myself from picking up more. *facepalm* I also have a name for the verse now: "I AM Gonna Write You A Love Song," a joke on the "I'm not gonna write you a love song" lyric from "Love Song" by Sara Bareilles (which is NOT part of this verse except for the name). Here's the playlist that forms the "plot" of the AU, along with my notes on what incident each song in the list describes or is related to in some way:

"Say You Won't Let Go" (James Arthur) -- The "general overview" of the whole verse, given it describes the couple's life together. A modern-day Victor and Alice happen to meet at a party, click while they're overindulging, and end up falling in love, getting married, having kids, growing old, and dying together.

"Broken" (lovelytheband) -- More elaboration on that first meeting: they were both at Adelaide Kingsleigh's (the trust fund baby with a Brooklyn loft) party as "pity invites" (Victor because Nell was bugging her mother about it; Alice because someone dared her to invite "the girl who occasionally talks to nothing"). They ran into each other by the bathroom, and ended up drinking a bit too much in an attempt to deal with the other jerks at the party (Alice)/keep up his confidence to talk to this pretty girl (Alice). Cue them diving in the pool fully-clothed together, Victor helping Alice to the bathroom after she started feeling sick and then calling them both a cab, and Alice insisting on putting her number in his phone before they parted ways for the night. The next morning, after dealing with the aftermath, Victor ends up calling Alice, and they agree to meet again and see if they like each other still when they're sober.

"Falling For You" (Colbie Caillat) -- Turns out they do, and they start dating. And Alice is utterly astonished by how quickly she's forming a connection with this tall pale rich dork -- and, as a result, falling in love with him.

"Shut Up And Dance" (Walk The Moon) -- After a few simpler dates, Victor and Alice go to a club Victor knows from his old girlfriend Emily, the Ball & Socket. Managing to avoid getting shitfaced this time, Alice convinces Victor to dance with her, and Victor realizes he can genuinely see a future with this girl.

"Steal My Sunshine" (Len) -- Next step -- a rollerskating double date with Victoria and Emily! They like Alice, and Alice likes them, so no problems there! In this particular case, I'm imagining the song as the background music at the rink as they're all going round and round.

"Knees Of My Bees" (Alanis Morrisette) -- Victor and Alice continue dating, getting closer as they realize just how much they have in common and how much they enjoy each other's company. Alice, again, is particularly surprised at how much this guy makes her weak at the knees.

"There's Nothing Holdin' Me Back" (Shawn Mendes) -- Victor, for his part, is amazed at how brave Alice is, and how she loves to indulge her curiosity and go on little adventures -- and how eager he is to be pulled into said adventures, letting her take control, because he actually trusts her to keep them safe. She helps knock down his inhibitions, and he really enjoys that!

"Kiss Me" (Sixpence None The Richer) -- Speaking of which, their dates progress to a full day outing in the countryside, having fun exploring some woods with an abandoned old treehouse in it -- where they end up sharing their first kiss.

"The Only Exception" (Paramore) -- Alice has a brief burst of doubt over whether or not she actually wants to keep pursuing this relationship, given some of her past history with men (in particular, that rat bastard Bumby who hurt her sister so) -- but, after reviewing all the happy times she and Victor have had together, she decides that yes, she wants to be his girlfriend.

"Out Of My League" (Fitz and the Tantrums) -- Victor reflects on his and Alice's burgeoning relationship, still kind of baffled but thrilled that this woman (whom, despite her past, he'd totally consider out of his league) wants to be with him.

"Bubbly" (Colbie Caillat)/"Your Body Is A Wonderland" (John Mayer) -- Relationship fully established (aka Alice has moved into Victor's place), Victor and Alice share a happy, snuggly day in bed during a rainstorm. Alice's perspective is "Bubbly," Victor's is "Your Body Is A Wonderland."

"Safe and Sound" (Capital Cities) -- Another dancing date at the Ball & Socket! This time Victor doesn't have to be practically dragged onto the floor by Alice, and they end up having a friendly dance-off with Victoria and Emily, who are also there.

"Me!" (Taylor Swift/Brendon Urie) -- Victor and Alice have an argument, but -- after a little alone time to cool off -- come back together and reaffirm that yeah, maybe it's a little hard to live with each other sometimes, but they know they love each other, faults and all.

"I Like Me Better" (Lauv) -- Victor wakes up before Alice on another lazy morning and watches her sleep for a bit, thinking about how much better he feels about himself and everything when they're together -- leading to a spontaneous proposal when she wakes up.

"False Kings" (Poets of the Fall) -- Victor's parents prove to be against his decision to marry Alice (having always hoped he'd get back together with Victoria, who has better connections) -- Victor reassures Alice he doesn't care what they think about the match and even says if they have to, they'll elope to get away from any "parental vetos" William and Nell might lay down; fortunately, it never gets quite that far, though the Van Dorts pointedly don't help with the preparations and don't attend the wedding (which, honestly, suits Victor and Alice fine).

"Lights Down Low" (MAX) -- Victor and Alice's wedding! (Look, I've already established it as their wedding song thanks to its own history as such for the singer.) In-universe, it's probably the first song they dance to at said wedding.

"Run Away With Me" (Carly Rae Jepsen) -- Victor and Alice's honeymoon -- Victor being a trust fund kid himself means they have the money to take a nice trip, so they head home to England for a bit, then visit France and Italy.

"Love Someone" (Lukas Graham) -- Victor and Alice settle into married life, very happy indeed they found each other, but with the lingering worry of what happens if they lose each other one day? (Because they're both kind of anxious noodles at heart, and Alice especially worries about these things post the fire.) But still -- they love each other, and that's what matters.

*whew* I mean, it's a nice AU, I like how it went, but still -- that's a pretty lengthy write-up, isn't it? And I'm still struggling not to add more songs to it. . .we'll see how successful I am.

[lexxikitty-blog1]

The Princess and the Prix by Nell Stark Series: Princess Affair: #2 Read: January 2016 Rating: 4.75 Stars

My second book by Stark, and second in this series.

I was both eager and somewhat hesitant to read this book.  I had liked the first book I had read, despite some of the negative reviews I had read, and everything about the second one seemed to make it something that would interest me.  Some of the initial reviews of this specific book here were quite negative.  Then I started to see some positive ones, but all these reviews were coming in while the book was still not available to me. So by the time the book actually came out, I still took . . . hmm, almost three months to try it. Wait, three months? I didn’t have access to it in November.  Hmm. Maybe I did? Bah, whatever, not important.

The book features Princess Pommelina Alix Canella of Monaco, the middle child, and Thalia d’Angelis, a race car driver of mixed US and UK birth.  Despite being a princess of Monaco, Alix cares nothing for the Monaco Grand Prix, motorsports, and potentially sports in general (I forget if this attitude extended to other sports; Alix gets called Pomme, Pommelina, and Alix in the book, she prefers Alix).  Instead she is more concerned for helping others, like women in Africa.  When that specific bit of information came to light, I was vaguely disappointed in one specific way – I don’t particularly like reading about people of privilege who are quite disdainful of their own privilege and/or if not disdainful, then they are ashamed of it and wish to do everything they can to work tirelessly for others.  It is somewhat tiring to read a book with such a character. Luckily, while Alix does have a certain amount of . . . maybe not shame, but something approaching that, and while she does have desire to help others, she isn’t the annoying/tiring type.   She is the bookish middle child who has a certain amount of introversion and prefers not to be in crowds but can ‘turn it on’ when she has to (by turn it on – be the good princess/hostess/etc.).  

In an effort to figure out how to go about setting up a foundation, Alix takes an opportunity presented to her to go be the Monaco representative at a royal wedding in England. The wedding of Princess Sasha and Kerry Donovan – the two lead characters from the prior book.  She takes the opportunity because she wishes to talk with the Princess of Wales, who set up a foundation of her own (Ashleigh – the wife of Sasha’s brother Arthur).  She does make a connection, and this does become a theme that continues throughout the book. Well, not the connection specifically to Ashleigh, but the setting up and then opening a foundation.  At the same event, Alix meets Thalia.   Up to this moment Alix was, for the most part, asexual. As in, didn’t care about sex, developing a sex life, or romance in general.  Thalia, on the other hand, well, we will get to Thalia.

I’m not sure why I started with Alix first, since Thalia’s point of view opens the book. No matter.

Thalia D’Angelis is an accomplished race car driver who dominates the (a?) lower Formula One like race circuit – GB2 I think she kept calling it.  She’s put up with the male misogynistic nature of the sport for several years, but finally breaks after winning the first race of the season and gets asked, yet again, how she feels about her teammate, her lesser teammate (and everyone is lesser, since Thalia had been last year’s champion) got promoted over her to the Formula One Ferrari team.  She’s 26. She’s a proven champion. She bit her lips and ‘took’ everyone’s advice to ‘be patient’, while the men around her were pushed to stretch and go for their goals. But, while being interviewed after the race, she lets loose about her real thoughts.

Thalia returns to her home in London assuming that she’s now out of a job, and probably blackballed from racing.  Picks up a woman to play with, and goes back to her place.  Yeah, I said I’d get to Thalia – she doesn’t believe in relationships, at least not deep relationships. She’s more of a causal type, not necessarily one and done, but close to that.  Well, while humping, literally in the middle of ‘sexing up’ a hot young woman, Thalia phone rings.  She ignores it but eventually takes it after the third interruption.  A Formula One team wants to hire her.  So, her life isn’t actually over, and instead, her dream is about to become true.

Somewhere in between winning the first race in that under-circuit, getting hired by a Formula One team, and the first Formula One race, Thalia attends a wedding. The one I already mentioned above.  While there she spots Alix.  Well, they spot each other.  At the wedding itself, Thalia is gazing about, people watching. Spots a woman pop in starring up.  Then walking into the ‘royal’ only part of the church, then realizes that she was watching a royal, a princess.  Later, at the reception/after party/whatever they called it; Alix is at her table, by herself, while everyone else dances. She people watches.  Thalia suddenly is next to her, and they talk, briefly.  Then some guy named, I think, Sebastian shows up and drapes himself over Alix.  Alix doesn’t want anything to do with Sebastian but can’t get him to leave her alone.  Sebastian tells her they will dance, and then leaves to take a call. Thalia, somehow or another, decides to teach Alix how to dance. Right there and then.  I’ve mentioned all of this to get to this part – the fact that Alix and Thalia meet, interact, and some connection develops.  Plus, this leads Thalia to invite Alix to watch the Formula One race, since Lady [insert name here – the wife of the guy who owns Thalia’s Formula One team] will be there and is big into charity work.

So, that’s the first part of the book.  Thalia and Alix have a vaguely friend/acquaintance/what-the-heck-are-we thing going on.  Thalia races. Alix watches, while mostly attempting to set up her foundation.  Alix has feelings she didn’t expect to have.  Ones she has certain issues with. She, being a scientist, knows that humans are not the only species that have homosexual relationships, but she is from one of the last bastions of conservativism in Europe. And while she doesn’t believe in the same things her parents do, regarding religion/sexual orientation/etc., she still spends most of the book trying to figure out if she is homophobic, and whether or not some of the feelings she is having might have some connection to that.  So you have that ‘blocking/slowing’ things on one side of the potential relationship; while you have someone who can’t allow themselves to be in a deeper, less than shallow relationship on the other – one with a bad reputation splashed across the newspapers.

I’ve read many sports books in my time. They tend to go one of three ways.  One – one of the people involved in the book, most of the time the main character, is an athlete in some sport.  While the book might include aspects of that part of the character’s life, most of the action takes place outside the actual ‘field/pitch/track/etc.’ It’s just that person’s job.  Two – see above, stop at ‘most of the action’, change to ‘most of the action takes place on the field . . .’  Three – one of the main characters is an athlete or an ex athlete.  The book has nothing to do with that aspect of their lives, for the most part, but with their . . . amazing amateur investigative skills (I’ve read a lot of mysteries in my day).  The difference between one and three mostly deals with the specific character – the character in one is an active professional; the one in the third ‘way’, mostly, is an ex-professional athlete.  This book goes a way I haven’t really seen before. I don’t mean that it is super original, for all I know it is/or isn’t.  No, it’s the part where there are more than one point of view, while everything I’ve read for 1-3 above have mostly only one point of view. So this is a mixture of one and two.  There is extensive action that takes place outside the sport, and a lot of action in the sport.

That was very wordy. Let me try again.  Sports books go two ways. They have detailed descriptions of the sport (the game/race/match/etc.), or they don’t. This book includes detailed descriptions, though not every race has the same level of detail.  Some occur ‘off the page’.  None follow a complete race from start to finish; that would probably add about a thousand pages.  The race activity was actually quite thrilling, exciting to read.  I really felt like I was inside the car.  Oh, right, I was going to mention this ‘realness’ elsewhere.  So, yes, the races felt real.

As do the characters.  I had the strong feeling that Alix and Thalia were real. And I was reading about full-bodied three dimensional people. They are the focus, so they felt the most real,

So, long and short, I loved the book.  You do not have to have read the prior book to read this one, nor should you refrain from reading the prior book if you skipped right to this one.  The characters from the prior book pop up in this one, but their trials and tribulations are not discussed, at least not in detail, in this book.  So you won’t be ‘spoiled’, again for the most part if you read the second before the first.  

Hmm, for the purposes of the prior paragraph, I just reread my review for the first book.  I’d forgotten certain issues I had had, ones that I was able to get past, somewhat easily, but which were there. I mention because some of those issues actually pop up in this one. And I didn’t even have a single problem with them. Mostly because of the nature of the people involved in this book.  I’m being vague.  Mostly because I realize that if I am specific, then I might actually fall into accidentally spoiling the first book. So I’ll refrain. And depart.

Review Written: January 6 2016