#the meanest trick question is actually answered in here)

[thistaleisabloodyone]

Jr.Exile - with the exception of GENE, hilariously enough - could maybe be called the EXILE GENERATIONS generation. EXILE GENERATIONS (hereby referred to as EX-GEN because less characters) was a trainee group where one had to pass a professionalism review to become a backup dancer for other Exile Tribe groups.

I cannot find a GENE member in the list of former EX-GEN members on the wiki, but:

RMPG has 6 former EX-GEN members - Shohei, Itsuki, Shogo, Makoto, Kenta and Riku FANTA is basically entirely former EX-GEN members - Taiki, SawaNatsu, Hori Natsuki, Leiya, Keito and Shota BBZ has four former EX-GEN members - Ryuta, Masa, Rikiya/Ricky (I never know how to refer to him 😩) and Miku PsyFe also has four former EX-GEN members - Tsurugi, Jimmy, Kokoro and Ryoga

So much rambling beneath the cut re: GENE and Jr.Exile

I do feel like this makes the gap between GENE and the other groups - more obvious? It feels like there's a gap there, at least for me, where I often accidentally sort GENE into what I call Founding Exile, with Exile, JSB3 and Exile the Second. (The fact that GENE debuted two weeks after Exile the Second, but nearly ten years before PsyFe probably doesn't help that)

If RMPG hadn't had a 2.5 year debut delay, it would feel less extreme, I think, since RMPG and GENE are around the same age. GENE's average age is 30, whereas RMPG's average age is 27, and GENE's youngest member was born in 1996, the year RMPG is missing. Hilariously, Likiya is actually older than Mandy by two months, which means the oldest member of RMPG is older than the oldest member of GENE.

But I think a part of it is definitely the debut gaps - RMPG probably would've debuted in 2015 if the musha shugyo hadn't basically caused a collective mental breakdown, since GENE had a 7 month gap between formation and debut, Exile the Second had a 5 month gap between formation and debut, and JSB3 had a Less Than One Month gap between formation and debut (they really threw JSB3 straight into the deep end there 😂)

But since the musha shugyo did cause a collective mental breakdown, they didn't debut until January 2017, putting an approx. 4 year gap between them and GENE. Then FANTA debuted in December 2018 (~6 years after GENE), BBZ in May 2019 (~6.5) and PSYFE in July 2022 (nearly 10 years later), so GENE has a 4+ year lead in experience and name recognition over everyone else in Jr.Exile.

There's also the fact that, like, FANTA and PSYFE mbrs were backup dancers for GENE - I own the Speedsters tour recording and, like, two or three songs in, I realized I was playing an Easter Egg hunt of "Find the future Jr.Exile member" with the support dancers.

[zestyderg]

OH GOD THE DRAGON IS WRITING AGAIN. This story isn't as long as the corrupted Joe one, and will likely have a second part (otherwise I'll just make regular posts explaining the aftermath)

WARNINGS include: the patrol team being put in perilous situations, ZZ being one of the biggest bastards in the ocean and playing one of the meanest tricks on the patrol team, and a small mention of blood

This had got to be the worst day of his life...

Dino sat there in the dark water, his torso wrapped up tightly by an oversized tentacle. His field of view was nearly taken up entirely by the irritated face of Zongazonga. The great kraken mer eyed his little prisoner, and growled low in his throat, a sound that could easily be mistaken for rumbling thunder.

"Let's try this again. This time, you will answer truthfully. How did you acquire necromancy?"

Dino didn't know what to say at this point. He genuinely had no idea! It just... came to him naturally. Dino growled back at Zongazonga, his own frustration clear. He knew getting angry at someone who could kill him without thought was foolish, but he blurted out his response anyway.

"I'm telling you, that I have NO IDEA. I JUST RANDOMLY FOUND OUT I HAVE IT!" Dino spread his arms out as he shouted just to further prove his point. Not once did he break eye contact with his captor.

Zongazonga watched him, violet eyes scanning for any sign of weakness. When he didn't find any, he let out a snort.

"Fine, perhaps you do speak the truth, but that power of yours is supposed to be mine and mine alone, and I don't exactly feel like simply letting you go. Now, what should I do with a feeble octopus mer whelp with my magic?" Zongazonga lightly tapped his chin spikes with one blood red claw.

Dino really didn't want to hear what awful things the monstrous mer had in mind. He had to keep stalling. His friends would come to save him, surely. They'd come to rescue him, and Zongazonga would have to let him go. But what could he possibly say to keep Zongazonga from killing him before they got here? A thought then crossed his mind.

"Wait! You think I'm an octopus mer, right?!" Dino yelled up at Zongazonga. The giant mer stiffened, then raised a brow.

"What kind of idiotic question is that? You are a runt of an octopus mer, anyone with some semblance of a brain could figure that out," Zongazonga spat.

Dino yelled again, as loudly as his little lungs could muster, "WELL, YOU'RE WRONG! I'M NO OCTOPUS MER, I'M A KRAKEN, JUST LIKE YOU!"

That truly gave the horned behemoth pause. He hummed, like the creaking hull of a wooden ship. He slowly lifted Dino closer to his face, tilting his massive head as he examined the little mer. A kraken mer, like him? Zongazonga did not believe it.

"You lie," he hissed. But the more he looked at this tiny little whelp in front of him, the less he could deny the claim Dino made. Those eyes, slitted like his, and unlike an octopus mer. The growing spikes on his face, exactly like his own too. The necromancy...

Dino was not lying.

Zongazonga was not alone.

The titanic kraken mer's gaze was fixated on Dino, and he remained still as a statue. Shock was written all over his features, and Dino felt the desperate need to look away. This was getting very unnerving. Zongazonga's silence made it worse. Dino gulped nervously, ears drooping a little. His eight tentacles flexed anxiously.

He didn't just seal his fate, did he?

-------------------------------------------------------

"YOU WHAT?" Despite her smaller size Stella had easily pinned Billy to the sandy ocean floor. Her claws were fastened into Billy's gloved wrists.

"Look, I-I didn't see 'em swim off, ok? They wanted to go play in the seagrass field and I let 'em, and I took a nap ya see. Didn't expect them to actually leave." The pilot whale mer explained. He struggled to meet Stella's furious gaze.

"I asked you to keep a close eye on them while Terry, Kent and I foraged. You know they are not allowed to stray too far. You KNOW what lies just beyond the seagrass and you let them go anyway," the enraged nurse shark mer hissed between sharp teeth. She dug her claws deeper into his wrists, small trails of blood drifting from the fresh cuts.

"And you took a nap on TOP OF THAT?!" Stella took in deep breaths, doing her best to steady herself before she ripped Billy apart then and there.

"I am going to fetch Joe and look for them. In the meantime, Terry and Kent will watch you, and if I find out that my kids were harmed in any way, I will slice you open, dump you out in the open ocean and let the local fauna have fun eating your entrails. Otherwise, I will simply exile you from the nursery, and you are NEVER TO RETURN. Understand?"

With wide, stunned eyes, Billy nodded frantically.

"GOOD," Stella finally let go of Billy and promptly swam off towards the coral reef. Terry and Kent gave him death stares.

"Dude, we gave you like one job. Why the FUCK would you let your guard down while watching the pups?! Little dudes are out there all by themselves. They must be terrified, especially with that Zongazonga guy swimming around," Kent shuddered. He wanted to help the kids but if Zongazonga was potentially involved then there wasn't much he could do. Joe was the best thing everyone had to keep that kraken in check.

"Consider yourself lucky that Stella didn't kill you then and there. I quite frankly would like to maim you myself, but unlike you, I will actually do my job and simply ensure you can't just leave instead." Every word was laced with venom, and Billy found himself shying away from Terry.

Billy hadn't really cared in the moment. Let the kids do whatever, they'd be fine. What could possibly go wrong? Everything, apparently. He didn't think he deserved death threats over it. Little brats should have the common sense to not put themselves in potential danger and give him a hard time. If they died, they had it coming.

His life was once again ruined, this time by some stupid children. The moment those shark mers turned their backs he was so out of here.

And if he crossed paths with those kids ever again, they would be very, VERY sorry that they'd ever made an enemy of Rockin' Billy.

-------------------------------------------------------

Dina swam as fast as her eel-like body could go. Beside her, Todd and Pauleen were doing their best to keep up. Rupert swam up ahead, his seal lower half granting him the speed and agility his friends lacked.

The little leviathan mer was fuming. Zongazonga kidnapped her brother! How DARE he! Now she and her friends had to go and get him back. She should throw Todd at that stupid purple monster. This time she'll have him punch something important. If he did ANYTHING to her brother she would make his life a living hell.

They had immediately went after Zongazonga the moment he snatched Dino and disappeared into the depths. Now they were swimming through murky, oppressive, freezing water, surrounded by a seemingly never-ending field of bones, with no way of knowing if they were going the right way. Dina figured that they would run into Zongazonga's giant body eventually.

The unmistakable silhouette of Zongazonga did soon come into view, and Dina hissed. There the fucker was.

The kids approached the kraken. He laid on his side, one hand propped up his head, his tentacles lazily sprawled out behind him. His gaze fell on the quartet.

"Ah, it seems the whelp's little friends decided to come save him. How admirable," Zongazonga purred. One of his torn ears flicked.

The young mers frantically scanned the immediate area for their friend. The gigantic mer had used one of his tentacles to drag Dino away but now all of them were empty.

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH DINO?!" Dina roared.

Zongazonga looked up and away as he thought up a response.

"Mmmmmm, I could tell you, but where would be the fun in that?" Zongazonga grinned, revealing jagged, crimson fangs, every tooth larger than each of the kids.

"It would be far more entertaining if you guessed," His grin grew wider.

"What makes you think we're gonna guess?!" Pauleen challenged. "We CAN and WILL make Todd hurt you if you don't answer!" She flared her fins out in defiance. Despite the show of bravery, she couldn't stop her arms from trembling.

Zongazonga sat there, unphased by Pauleen's threat. He chuckled to himself.

"No, do guess, I insist."

A large tentacle slunk towards the group from behind and before they knew it, it rushed forward and snatched Todd up near instantly. The tiny mantis shrimp flailed in protest as he dangled there in the open water. His human half was secured tightly in the kraken's grip, leaving him unable to reach Zongazonga with his smashers. He was defenseless.

Dina, Pauleen, and Rupert rushed to their friend's aid, but yet another massive tentacle shot towards them and they too were quickly caught by Zongazonga.

"TODD!" Dina screeched. She desperately clawed at Zongazonga's tentacle but that did absolutely nothing. She watched her friends try to do the same, only to be met with the same results.

Great, now all of them were trapped.

"You three can go on and make your guesses. As for you," he slowly turned to face Todd. He raised a finger at him, and something shot up from the ocean floor and bound itself to Todd's smashers. Dina and her friends gasped as an assortment of old bones and sinew held those devastating clubs tightly against his body. The faint sickly glow of magic danced along them. Todd couldn't even unfold the smashers anymore.

Zongazonga let them all go, and watched in mild amusement as Todd tried to rip the offending bones off, but to no avail.

He truly was defenseless now.

Uh oh.

The kids huddled close together, eyeing Zongazonga warily. They tried to slowly back away, but they all knew deep down that there was no hope in fleeing.

Rupert whispered harshly in Dina's ear. "Do as Zongazonga says or we may not swim out of here alive, let alone find Dino."

Dina shot Zongazonga a venomous glare but sighed and decided to play along.

"FINE! DID YOU HIDE HIM?! DID YOU HURT HIM?!" The thought of Zongazonga hurting her brother made her want to gouge his eyes out.

"You could say that he's very well hidden. He's quite close by too, I might add," Zongazonga replied smugly. "And I assure you, he is not dead at all."

Zongazonga could just be lying but Dina clung to the thought of her brother still being alive. If Zongazonga was telling the truth, then where the hell was Dino?

It was Rupert who barked another question before she could.

"Well, could you show us, then?"

That horrifying grin crept onto Zongazonga's face once more, and his eyes lit up with delight.

Why did that feel like the wrong question to ask?

"Of coouurse," He drawled, "In fact, I can take you to him, RIGHT NOW!" The kraken mer responded with great enthusiasm.

A sense of dread washed over the pups, and they exchanged worried looks amongst themselves.

Todd was the first to look back at Zongazonga, and his face quickly morphed from worried to mortified in a split second.

"GUYS-"

Everyone switched their focus back to Zongazonga and all of them froze up when they saw Zongazonga's jaws were outstretched as wide as possible.

Wait...

Suddenly, a strong current began to tug at them, and the little mers panicked once they realized the current was pulling them towards that cavernous maw.

No, nonoNONONONONONONO-

HE WAS SUCKING THEM IN!

Dina frantically looked around for anything to hold on to, and forced her way over to an exposed whale ribcage. She wrapped her body around one of the ribs and outstretched her hands towards her friends.

"GRAB ON!" She yelled, trying her best to keep her voice above the whooshing of water from the growing vortex.

Rupert managed to reach her first, and she grasped onto his arm tightly. Then he reached out with the other hand and Pauleen gripped his hand in turn.

Todd struggled to grab onto Pauleen's hand. He desperately tried to fight the strengthening current, but no matter how much he flapped his feathery little shrimp legs, he wasn't gaining any distance.

Pauleen stretched as far as she could, and she thankfully dug her claws into his shirt and held him steady. All of them clung to one another, trying their hardest to not let go. Water roared in their ears as the vortex grew stronger and stronger. To Dina, it was as though they were all caught in a tornado, or a hurricane.

She wasn't sure how long they could keep this up. They couldn't stay like this forever. They'd tire eventually, and when they did?

They were going to die.

It took a moment for everything to really sink in.

They were actually going to die. Dino was probably dead, and now they were going to join him. No one would be coming to save them in time. Not Stella, Terry, and Kent. Not Joe. Not Scatterly. Definitely not Billy. Hell, not even Lola, Lester and Cole. They were going to die.

Dina felt her grip on the bone slipping.

"DINA!! WHAT DO WE DO?!" Pauleen wailed. All of Dina's friends now had eyes on her. The little golden leviathan gave them an apologetic look.

Her body was pulled free from the ribcage, and as they all were dragged through the water and hurtled towards the living, hungry abyss in front of them, Dina hoped that at the very least, their deaths would be quick.

[goofyhoffy]

Pairing: Jeon Jungkook × reader

Genre: romcom

Word count : 3.4 k

Warnings : fluffy, swearing, angst, anxiety attack, smut, kinky, abusive language, mention of hickey, sexual harassment, yandere, love, sex, romance, licking, bullying, misunderstanding, one shot, rudeness, humiliation.

Summary: Gone for the last fairwell party where you meet the nerd kid Jeon Jungkook. The rudest boy who hates the popular kid like you. But then something changed and make you fall for him.

Author note: smoky fanfic for some smoky peeps . Share your opinions.

( ◜‿◝ )♡( ◜‿◝ )♡( ◜‿◝ )♡( ◜‿◝ )♡( ◜‿◝ )♡

"You're not going to attend the fairwell party, _____" your mother said. Tonight there is your first year fairwell party at the restaurant. Everyone is already so excited and planned about tonight. But your heartless abusive mother detains you from going.

"Why, that's so cruel. It's my first college fairwell. Everyone will be there. Let me go." You gasped at your mother. She with her eyes wide open signed you to stop your mouth.

"Be at your room till I come back from our ladies get to together. I'll be late, so close all the door. And be at your room. Don't think of going anywhere. Understood." Your mother shouted and leave the house for the party.

You close the door and shouted at the top of your lungs. You're so annoyed that your abusive mother never let you go anywhere. She's so mean that she goes everywhere without letting you go. But you also know your tricks to go there.  You know  the fairwell party gonna be lit with kids on the bars and restaurant all around. As early as your mom leaves you dressed up in your short silk black dress with your long curly hairs open. Match up with some smokey eyes and pencil heels. Afterall you're the most popular kid there, so you have to go there. But you never want to go cause the people around there are so mean and a bully to others.

Though you never get bullied but you felt bad for others. The better you know that the college guys are the meanest and cruelest. You're also so soft hearted that you fear of speaking up for them. Only for this reason you keep hating other and never went to any of the colleges parties. Even everyone insisted you so much. But today there is a sudden urge to attain the party. Because of your bestie since birth. Because of him you're going to the party. The season last party. Your guts are telling you that something big is gonna be happen with you. Something fun gonna be happen.

You waited at the front door for your bestie to pick you up. You checked the time it's already 9 pm and you need to came back by 2 am or else your mother gonna kill your ass of. It's drizzling outside , soft rains are always your favorite but today you don't have the time to appreciate the nature beauty. But you have to kill the party the fullest. You were just waiting.

"Babyygirl, come on! Get inside this beast." Suga shouted at the high pitch. You glad to see your bestie after waiting for them so long. He along with some other guys ride in a black open Jeep Wrangler. You got astonished to see the big Jeep. You walk upon the Jeep and gulped.

"We're going in this?" You questioned.

"Yes baby, now don't waste your time. And get your ass on this." Suga giggled. You get on that open Jeep. Suga helped you too. The Jeep started and all your hair dances in the air. The moonlight along with drizzling cloud make the sky look beautiful. You're feeling so alluring the whole journey.

When you stepped inside the restaurant,  it was nothing like that. It's filled with smoke and known people faces. Kids are drinking , smoking , dancing and making out. As soon as you step in, the focus shifted to you. Everyone started to making cheers, noise with your name. Some people said "look ___ is looking damn hot." "Her ass! I can die for" "can I fuck her only for today" "she wear this dress to show her big cleavage." And some girls there bitching "why this slut is here?" "God! I thought she died. Now who gonna see me." "I need to cover my boyfriends eyes, or else this whore gonna seduce him."  Everyone is just objectifying you. Only for this reasons you  hate to attain any party. All of them only gonna blame or body shames you.

Hearing all of this you squeezed Suga's hand in shame and murmured "Suga can I go home. This place is not for me." He instantly feels that you're feeling uncomfortable. He grapped your hand and shouted "hey people, look! If anyone gonna open their mouth to spite any bad words to ____. I'm gonna make their college life a hell. So shut the fuck up." Suddenly everyone looks downwards and keep on doing their things. Afterall Suga have hype on the college because he's the captain of the basketball and all of the college kids are afraid of him. This is the perks of having a scary bestie.

"Thanks. Today I'm not gonna interrupt you more. So, now you can have fun. I will also find someone to have fun." You sighed to Suga.

"Shut your thanks, babygirl. I'm always here for you only. If anything happens you can  just call me. I will be here around." He said and walked inside the bar.

Being a popular and good looking girl isn't a great thing. People only notice the worst side of you. You're thinking only this things and make your way to the near by open area on that Place. There's no one. Only you and your loneliness appreciating the cloudy night weather. Even though you have Suga as your bestie,  he also can't always look after you. Apart from him, no one was there as your friends. As you interact really less.

Standing there for so long your eyes trail down to a huge postures sitting down the couch. Black leather jacket, high black boots, smokey black eyes, dark gelled hair with tattooed neck a boy was sitting at the couch. You side eyed at him for a better view. He was drawing something. You peek into the painting you saw it was the soothing sky he was drawing. You again trail your eyes to his full muscular body. But you were unable to see his face as he head downs to draw. You just want to look at his face.

For quite a long there,  he said nothing to you. As only both of you're there you thought of asking him. "It's looking like you're painting this beautiful sky." You asked. The boy looked up to your face. His dark glowing eyes look straight into you. It was a known face too. His baby face isn't matching his devil body postures. You mesmerized to his beauty.  You tell you heart you know him, but never noticed him. He was Jungkook, Jeon Jungkook. The nerd kid who always sits at the last bench but tops the class. Who never spokes to anyone. Who's always so lonely when noticed.

"Yeah. I guess you have eyes." Jungkook scoff. But one thing more he's the rudest. Never in his life he talks to anyone in the straight face. Because of that he never have friends. You rolled your eyes.

"I also have mouth but I guess it's best to shut. People are so mean here." You said.

"Huh! Afterall meanest than me. I'm the one who haven't talk about your tits and ass in the whole room here." Jungkook smirked

"Better for you to not open your mouth. I'm only trying to start a conversation with you politely. But you -" Jungkook intrepputed you.

"Yes, I'm the one who shut your bullying mouth. You popular kids always thought we nerds are piece of shit. But we aren't. We aren't even not care for you to answer back. But see today I did." Jungkook again smirked.

"What? I never bullied anyone. Actually you're mad or anything to start a verbal fight here. Do your shitty work, you're good to be alone. Now, I got it why no ones talk to you." You chuckled devilishly.

"I don't make fake friends like you or I say friends with benefits. Huh!" Jungkook giggled.

"Friends with benefits? What do you mean. You totally ruined my mood. Just fuck your life with this shitty attitude you fucking nerd. I'm good to go." You shouted at him and walks towards the bar.

But suddenly,  Jungkook dropped all his drawing book at the floor and runs towards you and grapped you wrist from the back.

"What do you think? Where you're going? " Jungkook said.

You got confused by his actions. "Wait. Why the fuck you touched me? Get off me." You screamed at him. And he instantly released your hand from his grip.

"Cool, using women card huh. See you soon babe." Jungkook smirked turns to devilishly chuckled.  You just get off from there.

Soon you go inside the bar. Asked the bartender to give you some cocktail. He handed over to you. You sit beside a group of creepy men who were keep staring at your thighs. You were getting super uncomfortable because of  that. They're laughing, talking shit about you and your dress. But the limit crossed when one of guys handed over a page to you.

'One night stand! Money as much as you want.' Your blood started to rush over those guys.

You just want to slap them in the face. You hate how the whole fairwell night is turning into a nightmare for you. You never want to come here. You're cussing Suga for insisting you to come.

You grumbled the paper and through it on there faces. But then one of the guys started to touching you inappropriately around your thighs. You don't know what to do. Your anxiety level is getting on peak. All the men covered you and started touching you inappropriately. Out of fear you just sit like a piece of stone.

But then only Jungkook shouted at the group of men around you. His muscular body fitted his leather jacket perfectly. "You creeps,  just get off from her."

One of them says "who is she? Your si-"  Jungkook intrepputed them.

"Yeah, she's my fucking friend. Get off from her." And he grapped your hand and take you aside.

"Just kept your fucking dicks in your pants. If I ever see anyone of you to humiliating any girl. I will cut your penis off. Understood. Fuck off now." He shouted at them. And all of them just leaves the bar.

You're still in a sense of shock. You never believed this happens with you. Room full of air-conditioned but still you're sweating like crazy. You got your first anxiety attack after certain long. Your hand are trembling and tears down to your eyes. You still sense less what's going on.

"You're okay?" Jungkook asked with his baby voice.

You didn't answer anything. You just hugged Jungkook so hard. Nothing in your mind just you hugging him to get some heat and strength. Tears rolled down your eyes stopped to get his presence. He hugged you back and patted your back smoothly. Slowly the terror lives you.

"It's okay. Don't worry. I'm here. You're save." He said.

"I'm here to get your back. Calm down. Your makeup gonna ruin." He scoffs.

"Keep your mouth open. Or else i- " you cut him off.

"I'm okay. Thanks." You gasped.

"Want to have some fresh air outside?" He asked.

"Let's go. I can't breathe here anymore." I sighed. I grapped his wrist and fetch him to outside.

It was storming outside and slow winds crossing over my face. It felt so soothing to go outside and breathe some fresh air. I looked at Jungkook and felt so guilty for misunderstanding him earlier. His baby face just melts my heart. He's a purely the kindest and most helpful. I still regret why I never talked to him on the first hand. Well, I  always have an eye on him for his tonned body. But the behavior always drive me crazy. The way he looked when he was angry at them. His veins hands with silver rings. And those messy dark hair sooths my heart. I once again fall for his kindness,  generosity and smartness.

"Thanks but sorry." You looked at him.

He gazed at me "nothing to thanks me but take care of yourself. A girl should keep her mouth open for herself. Never depend on anyone else other than yourself. You're your own security. Understood."

"Your words are always so deep. But again sorry." You apologized

"Well, I'm sorry too for being rude. I don't mean to but -" you cut him off.

"But nothing. Just end those shitty things. I really liked how you saved me. I promise that from now onwards I will take care of myself." And you smiled at him.

He caressed my cheeks and smiled too. "I always thought you're mean but I was wrong. You're such a sweetheart."

"I know, people assume mean things about me. But at my surprise you're too a darling. But your words are full of sarcasm just like you." You  said.

He giggled at my words. Then you gazed at his eyes and caress his dark long hairs which was covering his baby face. You touched his hairs. You feel a sudden arousal to find him. He was different and amazing. You realized he have something you are finding since a long. He get stumble too with your touch. He felt like he got goosebumps to your touch.  You both keep staring to each others eyes for so long.

But then Jungkook broke it and scoff "your touch gives me goosebumps. Don't be so touchy or else something wrong gonna happen." And you giggled hard at him.

"Okay, I'll give you space." You scoffs.

As you both walk down to a group of boys having tons of beer. The whole area beside them smells like alcohol. You felt like trying some alcohol.

"Want to try some beer?" You asked him.

"Sure. Let's compete who can have more alcohol in their blood tonight." Jungkook smirked to me.

You both took one can of beer and gulped it at one shot. It was so refreshing and taste weird. But alcohol are meant to be tasteless. Jungkook goes for another one and so do you. You both keep on finishing the beer cans one by one. You're so into the competition that both of you crossed all the limits. Just drinking and laughing. After having enough can beer you were just pretending that you're drinking. But you were fully drunk. The alcohol is all over your body. Your dress got drenched with beer. On the other hand, Jungkook keep on going with the beer. Drinking and drinking but not stopping. He's the actual nerd kid who have a super big competitive ass in anything.

"Stop you dick. I can't drink anymore. You win. Cool!" You screamed in annoyance.

"Winner. Yeah. I knew it. No one can win from me." Jungkook yelled.

You made a annoyance face and said "look at my dress, alcohol is all over my body. It's drenched me. I smell like alcohol."

"Are you telling me to lick the beer from your body! Huh?" Jungkook grinned. He's totally drunk. He lost all his senses and so do you. Both are drunk and alone.

"Would you lick me if I say! Huh?" You giggled.

"Just say and I will lick you all up from head to toe baby." He smirked. And walk up to you and licked your neck.

"Stop it. I'll clean it myself." you pushed him kiddingly and ran towards the washroom to clean all the mess up.

At the water basin, you got some tissues and clean all the mess. From neck to your torso where all the beer spilled. But there also Jungkook followed you from the back.

You suddenly feel someone touched your back. You looked back and realized Jungkook is hugging you from behind. Locking your hands and softly kissing your ears. His warm huge body fits you finely. The alcohol fragrance along with his cologne smells it's so sexy. You don't want to leave him and not either tried to get out of his grip. He makes you so comfortable with his body all over you. That's feels so calming and horny. You want him to eat you.

"I said I'll lick you clean. You don't need to clean yourself." Jungkook softly said.

He then smoothly take your open hair aside and kissed your neck. It's feels like you're the last person to eat in this planet. He spins you and now you're facing him. He's so close to your face, you can feel his hot alcoholic breath on your face. He kissed you again all over your neck and beyond leaving some purple marks on your fine white body.

"Don't you want to clean by me! Huh?" Jungkook smirked.

"I-I yes, I want." You said in a shaky voice.

He hovered over you with his lips. Licking neck to chin and then he stopped. He looked into your deep pale eyes. You meet his eyes. His eyes speaking that he will made you watch the heavenly stars today. Without any second thought he kissed you in lips. You deepens the kiss with your tongue into him. His pink juicy lips taste so fine.  He bit you on your upper lips which make it more loving. Then his one hand goes under my dress while the other is still there to deepens your lips. You put your hands on his long dark gelled hair. You both are caressing each other. Deep moans under Neath the breath was changed. Before going out of breath you broke the kiss and you both breathed so heavily.

He lifted you on the top of the water basin of the washroom and touched your inner thigh. A little moans let out from your mouth. His cold long fingers when touched your warm fizzy thighs it's giving you thrills. You spread your long legs further directing him to devour you inside. The hot make out already make you so wet that you can't resist. He pulled the hem of your dress and looks at the most beautiful site at that time. His eyes were glowing to meet with your small pussy.

"You want?" Jungkook asked me before putting his hands further.

"I want you to fuck me. Made me see the stars tonight." You softly screamed.

Jungkook getting the signal to proceed he touched your wet pussy over the panties. But the panties are already drenched of your cum. He gulped and smirked leaving your panty at the floor. He tilted you aside and thrust two of his finger inside of you. His cold veiny long fingers when get inside you, it gives you thrills. You moan his name. He gently thrust each of the finger inward. You already can see the stars.

"Jun-Jungkook!" You moans

"You want more?" Jungkook asked.

"Jun-Jungkook. Yeah. I want you to be inside." You screamed in pleasure.

He gently keeps on going with his fingers all the way. You lift up and you can see the budge on Jungkook jeans. You unlock his belt and put his jeans off. His big member is already waiting for you. Your eyes glowed up to see his big huge dick. You stroke it and it's already having a Boner. Jungkook stops and looked at your eyes.

"Are you sure that you can take my member inside you! Huh?" He smirked.

"Can't wait more to have you inside me. I want your fucking dick to tear my fragile pussy." You growned.

"Then let's just fuck you, ______" Jungkook moans.

You spread your legs further and he put his tip of the cock inside you. He's teasing you but then you thrust him in. His huge cock perfectly fits your pussy. He started to thrust fast and fast. He's moaning your name at high pitch. And you want him more and more. His hips are thrusting hard into you. You see all the colours of the stars. Jungkook made you realize the pleasure. It's get so heated that at last he thrust your g spot. You feel relieved.

"I'm going to cum, Kook." You said.

"I want you to cum on my fucking dick!" He exclaimed.

You cumed in his dick and all over his shirt. Your white liquid is all over the place. He smirked and gently took you off the water basin.

"Did I licked you well, ____?" Jungkook murmured.

"Yeah, I want you to lick me every day, Jungkook." You said softly.

He gently put your clothes on and you wear them. He also did the same. And he kissed your forehead and patted with love.

[pigeonwhumps]

🪦🤡🧠For Rowan because I’m a bad person lol

Thanks for the ask! Both child and adult Rowan again bc there's no specified whumper.

Child Rowan (shortly before they're rescued, about aged 10/11)

CWs: minor whumpee, past death, talk of death and burial, humiliation, conditioning

🪦 If something went wrong, how would you want the Leaches to lay you to rest?

"I'd like a grave," says Rowan quietly, "the last man to die here didn't get one." They pause, thinking. "I guess... maybe Cian and his family could bury me. I don't believe they're as nice as Cian says, they can't be, but maybe they won't deny me that. Maybe I'll get a... a headstone, I think they're called? Then people will know I existed beyond this basement."

Then Rowan snaps their mouth shut, shuffling onto their knees. They've spoken too much, they know it, and they'll be punished for it.

They won't speak again until Cian arrives the next evening. Cian flips the wall off when he realises it was the voice that caused this, before setting about helping them talk again.

🤡 Do the Leaches pull tricks on you? What's the meanest they've done?

"Mrs Leach doesn't. Mr Leach... when his friends are round and he's drunk... if they egg him on enough." He pauses to listen to the second half of the question. "The meanest? Erm... he– he pretended he was going to let me have proper food once, got me to promise to eat it all, and then fed me dog food instead." They flush red, looking down at their dirty feet folded below them. "That was humiliating. All his friends were there and they all laughed and... yeah."

Cian hands them Teddy silently and they exchange a look with him as they clutch it tightly to their chest. That's certainly not the whole story, and Rowan isn't entirely sure if it was the worst trick, if they're honest. There have been a lot of mean tricks, and not all by the Leaches.

🧠 Have the Leaches used conditioning/brainwashing on you? If so, how much?

Rowan cocks his head to one side, frowning. "I'm not sure what that word means."

Cian, however, nods vigorously from behind them.

Adult Rowan (while being held captive by The Osprey, along with Cian)

CWs: discussion of immortality, lab whump, human experimentation, threatening to hurt someone else

🪦 If something went wrong, how would you want The Osprey to lay you to rest?

"So my last answers weren't enough then," says Rowan quietly.

"I don't think I can die. That's... kind of the point of the experiments on me. Not the ones on Cian though." Rowan bites their lip. "I'm sure I can't die. I'd be dead by now if I could. And I'm not leaving Cian anyway."

Cian narrows his eyes at the loudspeaker, holding his sibling tight to him. "Do you know something we don't?"

🤡 Does The Osprey pull tricks on you? What's the meanest she's done?

"She doesn't pull many tricks. She's more... serious. And cruel. But the worst was when she promised to let Cian go if I surrendered. And then she didn't." They pause, frowning. "Actually, I'm not sure she even promised that. But... she must have, mustn't she?"

"Look on the bright side," interrupts Cian, as Rowan starts to spiral, "at least you have me for company now."

Rowan snaps their head round to look at him. "How is you being captured a bright side? I don't want you hurt!"

"Yeah, but you're not alone. And someone will rescue us. Mum and Dad are good at this sort of thing. And Chikodi won't give up on us. We just have to be patient."

"Says you," Rowan mutters, but they're slightly appeased. It's just hard to keep their spirits up all the time.

🧠 Has The Osprey used conditioning/brainwashing on you? If so, how much?

"No," says Rowan, glancing sideways at Cian. "No, the threat of Cian being hurt is more than enough."

They look at the loudspeaker quickly. "We won't be hurt for answering your questions, right? Right?"

[artificialqueens]

Tree House Kisses, Chapter 41 (Adorney) - Scorpio and Veronica

A/N: Hi everyone! Okay so, in this chapter, they begin working on a new musical, and I URGE you to check it out if you haven’t: The Scarlet Pimpernel. Also! I made a playlist with every song we’ve used as chapter titles, including the upcoming ones pretty much through the end of the story. Click here for previous chapters or here if you’d rather read on AO3. And thank you SO MUCH to wonderful betas: @saiphl, @sillylittlecandycane!!! XOXOXO

Chapter Summary: New semester, new school musical: and Courtney’s star is finally on the rise.

Chapter 41: You Are My Home

It was weird having Roy back home for the holidays, Adore thought, watching him tell a story to Bob, Jamin, and Thorgy, commanding all the attention as usual, sipping from a solo cup and gesturing wildly. It was even weirder to see him getting sloppy-drunk as the night wore on--Adore supposed that college was a bigger challenge than he’d planned for, and maybe he needed to blow off some steam. Still, seeing him grope Courtney as he bent her over Thorgy’s pool table was certainly...something different.

It was over a month since the night of her break-up with Tati, that near miss where she’d come so scarily close to a confession. Once in a while, late at night, she’d have a brief twinge of regret for not being honest. Most of the time though, she felt like she’d absolutely made the right call--their friendship was stronger than it had ever been. So Roy’s dumbass horndog behavior tonight was actually making her laugh.

Maybe it was Courtney’s eye rolls as he rubbed against her, but Adore didn’t find Roy nearly as annoying as she used to. He was no longer a looming, oppressive reminder of her hopeless crush. He was just a guy who came back from college to awkwardly hang out with his high school friends over winter break. A guy who was currently grinding pathetically against his girlfriend, trying (and failing) to get some affection.

“I thought you were gonna teach me Vanessa’s tricks,” Courtney said, pushing him away gently as she lined up her cue.

“I’m trying, but I need to get close,” Roy said, pulling her ass back against him. He leaned forward and murmured something into her hair, something which made her burst out laughing.

“Ummm...no offense, babe, but I don’t really feel like you’d be on your A game tonight,” Courtney said, still giggling.

“Rude,” he pouted.

Courtney looked up, catching Adore’s eye and sending her another exaggerated eye roll. Adore smiled back at her, shaking her head.

“Do you want to sleep over tonight?” Courtney asked.

“Yes,” Roy said, moving her hair aside to kiss her neck.

“Not you!” Courtney said, swatting him on the shoulder before giving Adore an exasperated look. “I meant Dory.”

Adore knew that it was petty, but she couldn’t help the slight thrill that Courtney was choosing her over Roy. It didn’t mean anything--they’d gotten back into their old habit of Adore staying with her every time Bonnie worked a night shift, and she knew that’s all it was. And anyway, it probably wasn’t going to happen, given the way Roy was now pouting and whining.

“Why her? She gets to see you all the time!” Roy argued, indignant. When Courtney didn’t immediately cave, he tried a softer tactic. “Please, baby, I miss you so much…”

“Fine. You can have the floor,” Courtney said, taking Adore by such surprise that she didn’t have time to cover her mouth before a loud cackle of laughter escaped.

“You are the meanest girlfriend in the entire world,” Roy said.

“I know.” Courtney leaned forward and kissed him gently on the cheek.

-

PEARL: How was your sleepover?

ADORE: So weird

PEARL: Did all three of you pile into Courtney’s bed?

ADORE: Ew, not that weird. No, Roy slept on the floor in a sleeping bag and Courtney and I slept in her bed. So like...just awkward as fuck.

PEARL: What’s wrong, you don’t like spooning her while her boyfriend is 2 feet away?

ADORE: Ugh

PEARL: Wanna come over today? Trin’s gonna be here in like an hour

ADORE: I can’t. I told Court I’d go ice skating with her and Roy.

PEARL: Well well well, how cosy

ADORE: Shut up

PEARL: The three musketeers

ADORE: SHUT UP

Adore sighed. She supposed it was probably strange that she’d been spending her whole break hanging out with Courtney and Roy, but it wasn’t her fault. Courtney invited her everywhere and Roy was just...always there. Besides, when it really came down to it, she liked Roy. And she liked how happy Courtney was when all three of them were together. And to her relief, they’d chilled out a lot on the PDA, now more like an old married couple who teased each other constantly and bickered playfully, using Adore to settle every disagreement.

So, if they had to be the Three Musketeers for another week, Adore was actually fine with that.

-

The musical for their senior year was The Scarlet Pimpernel, and Courtney was absolutely beside herself with glee when she landed the lead. All weekend, she listened to the soundtrack on repeat, falling in love with the music and story and her character, a French actress named Marguerite who was embroiled in a complicated love triangle with her British aristocrat husband and her French revolutionary ex-lover. She sang the songs over and over until she knew them by heart, and drove everyone in the household bonkers with her attempt at a French accent.

They had their first cast reading on a Monday evening in mid-January, and as usual, Mrs. Maguire had them sing through their songs as best they could. Courtney was especially excited when it came time to sing her duet with Adore, who was cast as her brother. It was a gorgeous, sappy ballad and one of her favorites in the show, always making her tear up.

Adore began a bit tentatively, since she hadn’t spent nearly as much time listening to the soundtrack as Courtney, but after a few bars, she got into it too, the drama of clinging to her “sister” as they waited in jail, facing the guillotine together.

“You are my home You make me strong And in this world of strangers, I belong to someone You are all I have You’re all I have; I need you so…”

Courtney, of course, had already memorized every word, and she sang directly into Adore’s eyes, arms wrapped around her neck.

Later, in her office, Mrs. Maguire was sitting pensively, brow furrowed in concern when Thorgy came in to let her know that the crew was finished cleaning up.

“Thor...let me ask you a question. I need a...second opinion.”

“Sure.”

“Do you think it was a mistake casting Courtney and Adore as siblings?”

“How so?” he asked carefully.

She cleared her throat. “Well...do you think they have too much of a...how should I put this...romantic vibe?”

Thorgy burst out laughing.

“Mrs. Maguire...girl…you don’t know the half of it.”

“So, I didn’t imagine that?”

“No. They’ve always been like that,” he told her.

“I mean, I knew they were close friends, but...isn’t Courtney still dating Roy?”

“Yeah...yeah. But…well, you saw it.” Thorgy chuckled again.

“Oy.” Mrs. Maguire picked up a cast list. “I may need to change some things around.”

The next day, a solution fell into her lap when Willam came to see her during the fourth period, looking more distraught than she’d ever seen him. Apparently, he was committed to the show choir for the Spring, and there were a bunch of scheduling conflicts with rehearsals, making it damn near impossible for him to play the title role he’d gotten. It was unsettling to see a kid who was normally as cool as a cucumber so upset.

“I don’t want to quit, I love doing the plays so much,” he said tearfully, and she jumped up to give him a hug.

“Of course you don’t want to quit. Listen, honey, it’s your senior year. We can definitely figure out a way for you to do both, okay? I might have to shuffle some casting, but it’ll all work out. I promise.” She hugged him again, patting him on the back.

“If you tell anyone I cried, I’ll key your car,” came his muffled voice, and she laughed, promising to keep his shameful secret.

Once he left, she sat back down, a relieved sigh leaving her. This could work out perfectly.

She spoke to all the kids individually about their new casting. Bob was over the moon when he found out he’d be taking over Willam’s title role: the wealthy aristocratic Percy, Courtney’s new husband, who uses his foppish clothing obsession as a cover in order to go into France and rescue his friends from the guillotine. And Willam was thrilled that not only did he still have a part, but a good one--taking over Adore’s role as Courtney’s brother, Armand. Adore was also delighted--she now had Bob’s role, a radical and sexy French revolutionary and compelling villain. After reading the script closely a few times, she asked Mrs. Maguire if it was necessary to play her new character, Chauvelin, as a man.

“Can’t I be a radical leftist woman instead?” she asked, during that first week of rehearsals.

“I don’t see why not,” Mrs. Maguire answered, tossing out a casual, “Courtney, Chauvelin is now your ex-girlfriend, not your ex-boyfriend.”

Courtney looked up with wide eyes before smiling and nodding, giving Adore a sassy wink. This show was certainly going to be interesting.

-

As a gentle knock sounded, Courtney rolled over slightly, whimpering. She was achy and feverish and felt absolutely awful. And to make matters worse, she’d missed two whole days of rehearsal with no telling when she’d feel better. At this rate, Mrs. Maguire would probably be giving her part away to her understudy, a freshman who’d never even been in a play before.

“Come in,” she said weakly, tears collecting in her eyes as she thought about how unfair it all was. She’d worked so hard, taken ensemble roles and been an understudy herself and helped with ticket sales and sold ads for every program and never complained, and now she was probably going to lose her one chance to be the lead in a musical.

Adore pushed the door open, offering a sympathetic, “Hey, babe, how ya doin’?”

Courtney tried to lift her head, even that small movement making her wince in pain, hot tears trickling down her cheeks.

“Don’t get up!” Adore rushed to her side, placing a few books on her nightstand. “I just came by to bring your homework.”

“Thanks,” Courtney said, sniffling.

“What’s the matter?” Adore pressed a cool hand to her cheek, lips turned down in a frown as a tear slipped down Courtney’s face.

“I’m just worried that Mrs. Maguire’s gonna give my part away,” Courtney admitted.

“Don’t worry about that. It took all of today’s rehearsal to get through half of ‘The Creation of Man.’ We have plenty of shit to work on without you. Besides, no one but you could do that part justice, anyway.”

Courtney blinked back her tears, gazing up at Adore with a grateful expression.

“Really?”

“Yeah, I promise!” Adore laughed, climbing into her bed to sit beside her. “Stop worrying, okay?”

“Aren’t you afraid you’ll get sick too?” Courtney said, pulling her blankets tighter around her shoulders.

“Nahh. You know Bonnie makes me do that dumb FluMist vaccine every year. I’m invincible.”

“I don’t think that’s actually true,” Courtney said, covering her mouth with her elbow to cough.

“Well, whatever. It’s worth it to hang out with my best friend.” Adore smiled down at her, and Courtney felt like she might cry all over again.

“Thanks, baby,” she murmured softly.

“Omigod, also...the craziest shit happened today at lunch, I have to tell you about it.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, okay so first of all...did you know that Violet applied to Columbia early-decision and got in?”

“Wow.”

“Wow is right!” Adore exclaimed. “I mean, I know she’s smart, but she doesn’t give a shit about school. But apparently she got like, practically a perfect score on her SATs. And then everyone else started talking about what school they want to go to and they have all these plans and backup plans and I just...I had no idea our friends were like...so school motivated. It’s fucking weird.”

It surprised Courtney too...maybe not as much as Adore, because she’d figured that Trinity would have ambitious school plans, and Fame as well. And Pearl, well Pearl wasn’t very scholarly, but she assumed that she’d want to go to an art school or something.

“And I guess you’re probably planning to go to UCLA and move in with Roy or something,” Adore mumbled.

Courtney let out a rueful laugh, shaking her head. “I don’t have the grades for that.”

“What?” Adore looked confused. “Your grades are fine.”

“They’re okay. I could probably get into a Cal State. But Ms. Patterson told me in the fall that any UC is a pipe dream. So I’m probably gonna just do two years at a community college and then transfer.”

“Wait, seriously?”

“Yeah,” Courtney said, a deep sigh leaving her. “It’s for the best. We’ll save a bunch of money. My dad said he’d pay for my room and board, so I can still move out, thank god.”

“Move out where? Are you staying in the area?”

“No...but I dunno exactly. People say that Santa Barbara City College is good. Or Santa Monica college. It would be so great to be by the beach.”

“Ugh, I’d love to live near the beach. What I really want is to just move to LA, get some shitty retail job or whatever, and work on my music. I’m like, so close to convincing Bonnie what a good idea it is.”

“Adore! Omigod!” Suddenly, the aching in Courtney’s exhausted body didn’t matter, as she hoisted herself into a seated position to look directly into Adore’s hazel eyes. “We should be roommates!”

“Really?”

“Yeah! It would be perfect! Don’t you think?!” A smile lit up Courtney’s eyes, so big she thought it might split her face in two.

“Well...yeah, maybe...that could be cool.”

“I know, right?! Omigod, we’d have so much fun, and we could totally save money!” Courtney exclaimed, reaching forward to pull Adore in for a hug, her ecstatic joy pushing aside any thoughts of giving the flu to her friend.

Adore hugged her back, a light giggle slipping from her lips as she said, “I guess now we have a plan, too.”

-

Courtney was bone-tired. By the time she got over the flu, she’d missed a full week. Between catching up on her classes, the extra rehearsals, and struggling to memorize her lines, not to mention playing referee to Karen and Muriel’s latest argument over whether it was appropriate for Karen to have overnight guests, she felt like she could sleep for a week.

But she’d already agreed to this Saturday rehearsal, and she knew she needed it anyway, so she dragged herself out of bed and showed up at the theatre with an extra-large frappuccino that didn’t seem to help her exhaustion, but did make her jittery and off-balance.

That’s probably why she missed her cue, while working on her scene with Adore. At least, that’s what she would claim if anyone asked.

It was the scene in Act One where Adore’s character, Chauvelin, was trying to convince her to leave England and come back with her to Paris. She’d been zoning out a bit while Mrs. Maguire talked to Adore about the scene, explaining that her character needed to be angrier. Courtney really wasn’t paying attention like she should, but it was something about how Adore was supposed to be extra angry because not only did Marguerite abandon the French Revolution to marry a British aristocrat, but she’d also abandoned her.

Anyway, she wasn’t prepared when they started up the scene again, for the intensity with which Adore spoke her next line: “You do not belong in this cold land, with no one to understand you...to touch you.”

Adore let her fingers graze Courtney’s cheek before grabbing her waist and pulling her in roughly. A small gasp left Courtney’s lips, staring into Adore’s burning hazel eyes.

“The girl I knew could not bear this another moment,” Adore said, in a hoarse stage whisper.

As Adore inched closer, mouth softly parted, Courtney’s heart raced, fingers digging into Adore’s shoulders, eyes wide...

“Uh, Courtney?”

Courtney’s head snapped up, towards Mrs. Maguire’s voice. “Yes?”

“You’re supposed to push her away.”

“I know,” Courtney said, cheeks burning. “I was just trying to, um...act conflicted about it.”

“Wow, good work. We really believed you,” Mrs. Maguire said, and Courtney shoved Adore backwards, making her stumble slightly, nearly tripping over her feet.

“Oh god, are you okay?” Courtney reached for her hand to steady her.

“Yeah, sorry, I, uh…”

“Why don’t we take this section again, from Marguerite’s line ‘What do you know of it?’” Mrs. Maguire said, disguising her amused chuckle as a cough.

“Yeah, sure, okay.” Courtney brushed off her hands, hoping that the burning in her cheeks wasn’t obvious to everyone watching.

-

“So, Karen’s into Palm Reading now, huh?”

“Uh huh,” Courtney laughed. They were sitting around the tree in their usual lunch spot, Courtney sharing her mother’s latest passion by attempting to read Adore’s palm.

“So is that shitty broken one my lifeline?”

“No, this one is your lifeline…” Courtney said, finger trailing across Adore’s palm, making her giggle.

“And? What do you think?”

“You’re gonna live a long time.” Courtney grinned at her, eyes shining.

“Fuck,” Adore pouted. “You sure? Can I change that?”

Willam let out a braying laugh.

“Yeah, I know what you mean, lesbian. Personally I want to die young and beautiful.”

“One out of two isn’t bad,” Violet shrugged, earning a punch on the shoulder. “Ow!”

“Good one,” Trinity giggled.

“Watch it, cuz. I could punch you, too,” warned Willam.

“You just fucking try it. I dare you.”

“Guys, please calm down,” Fame interjected. As always, the voice of reason.

Still holding Adore’s hand, Courtney touched her palm again, shivers traveling up her arm.

“Stop it,” Adore said, biting her lip, but making no move to pull her hand away.

“A long, long life…” Courtney continued, flashing her winning smile.

Adore smiled back, but then off Violet’s intentionally loud scoff, she cleared her throat and finally snatched her hand back, just as Bob approached the group.

“Hey, uh...I need to speak to my wife,” Bob said, and Courtney laughed, getting up and following him a little ways away from the group.

“Is everything okay? Do you need-”

“What’s going on with you and Adore?” he asked quickly, head tilted down at her, brow slightly furrowed.

“What do you mean?” Courtney’s thoughts started racing, her heart beating quickly.

“Don’t play dumb with me, I’ve known you since we were 4.”

“I’m not playing!” Courtney said. “Maybe I’m just dumb?”

Bob put his hands on his hips, glaring at her. After a moment, he narrowed his eyes and said, “He really loves you--”

Courtney sighed. “I know, Bob. Okay? You don’t think I know that? And I love him-”

“--More than you deserve.”

Courtney looked at him for a long moment, a sarcastic comeback on the tip of her tongue, which she swallowed down, defeated, shifting her gaze to the ground.

“I know.” Her voice broke on the last word, a lump rising in her throat.

Bob’s voice seemed to soften a little, saying, “Look...I’m just trying to-”

“I know, you’re looking out for your friend,” Courtney said tiredly, still avoiding his knowing brown eyes. Tears stung in her own eyes. “I get it.”

“No. I’m looking out for my friends.”

At that, Courtney looked up at him, surprised.

“You’re my friend too,” he continued. “And Adore’s my friend. And I just don’t want anyone to get hurt.”

Courtney bit her lip, nodding. “Me neither,” she managed to whisper, before a single tear began to burn its way down her cheek. Bob pulled her in for a hug.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-”

“I know.” Courtney sniffled against his shoulder. “You’re a good husband.”

“Oh yeah? Then why aren’t you in the kitchen making me some pie?”

Courtney laughed, parting from him with a good-natured shove.

“You okay?”

She nodded. “I really do love him, you know.”

“Yeah. Okay.” He smiled ruefully. “Things can’t ever be easy, huh?”

“No, I guess not.”

He pressed one last fatherly kiss to her forehead before leaving to join his own lunch group. Courtney took a moment more to collect herself, then walked back to the tree.

“What was that all about?” Pearl asked. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, just some stuff about the play.”

“I’m so excited to see this play, it’s all you guys talk about,” Tati said.

“Yeah, better live up to the hype,” Trinity warned.

“Oh, it will,” Adore promised her with a charming grin. “We’re fucking amazing.”

“Damn right it will. Although, let’s be honest, I would have been a much better Percy than Bob,” said Willam.

“Ehhh…” Courtney grimaced.

“Fuck you, cheerleader!” Willam exclaimed, chucking an orange slice at her face.

“No I mean, you’d have been great in the campy parts, but the sincere romantic stuff? Not so much.”

“Yeah, remember last year? You two were the least believable teen romance ever,” Adore laughed, and Courtney joined in, nodding.

“Exactly.”

“Are you saying I can’t play it straight?” Willam looked deeply offended.

“Yeah, that’s exactly what we’re saying,” Adore told him.

“Oh yeah? Well, watch this…Come here, Virginia.” He grabbed Tati, who immediately squirmed away.

“Don’t touch me,” she said, pushing him onto the grass.

“Sorry.”

“See? A straight guy wouldn’t have listened,” Violet commented drily, making all of them crack up.

[hamitome--imagines]

A Trick or a Treat

John Laurens x Reader

Modern

Prompt: person a meets person b when they are handing out candy on halloween and opens their door to see person b taking their kid trick or treating [x]

A/N: So I used this prompt for inspiration but it’s strays a little. It’s a Halloween story! I was excited to write something for this season, it’s one of my favorite holidays. So enjoy this little story. I may slow down stories even more soon, I’ll let you know what that’s about soon but it won’t be until January. So for now, enjoy!

Word Count: 1,927

~~

You tugged on your dress clothes to make them lay correctly. You decided to go to a Halloween party as a stereotypical red-carpet celebrity. You didn’t have a costume and didn’t want to pay for a cheap on you’d only wear once. You weren’t a fan of Halloween parties but this one was being thrown by the Schuyler sisters. They were fairly good party hosts. Angelica would throw a crazy party but Eliza would reign her in while Peggy made sure that everyone was having a good time. So you figured this party would be alright.

You walked into the Angelica’s house. It was pretty much like you expected it to be. Loud music and a plenty of drunk people. But once you retreated into the dinning and kitchen, it was much quieter. You could still hear the music from the large living room, enough to enjoy it but not enough for it to be bothersome and louder than conversation. This was were Peggy and Eliza were hanging out. It was peaceful. Then, in from the living room burst a short, drunken man. He ran right up to Eliza and hugged her.

“Eliza, we should go dance.” He said. He was dressed as what appeared to be a soldier from the colonial era.

“Alright.” She agreed around giggles. They walked out of the room as another man walked in.

“I tried to stop him, I promise. But you know how he is when he gets a few drinks.” The man in question went to the counter and grabbed a can of Dr. Pepper. You studied him. He was wearing a pair of khaki cargo pants and a polo shirt that had the logo of the nearby zoo on it. Sticking out of one of his pockets was a stuffed turtle.

“What exactly is your costume?” You blurted out. He glanced down at his outfit briefly.

“It isn’t obvious?” He asked. You shook your head. “I’m a herpetologist. Basically a turtle researcher.” He patted at the stuffed turtle’s head for emphasis. He walked up to you. “Never thought I’d meet a…” He paused while he studied your attire. “Red carpet celebrity at this party.” He commented with a confident smirk. “Then again, Angelica is the host. If any of us knew famous people then it would be her.”

“Is my costume that bad?” You asked.

“No, I think it’s that good. I could actually tell what it was.” The man replied. He held out hand. “John Laurens.” He introduced.

“Y/N L/N.” You responded. “How long have you known the Schuylers?” You asked.

“Oh, my closest friend is dating Eliza. They have been for a little over a year. Angelica had a party a few months back and my friend, Alexander the drunk idiot from before, asked if his friends could come. His friends are me; Lafayette, a tall Frenchman; and Hercules, the meanest looking kind tailor you’ve ever seen. How about you?”

“I met Peggy when we worked at a coffee shop together. That was about six months ago.” You said with a shrug. “So, a turtle researcher?” You asked.

“I like turtles. That’s all.”

“So why don’t you just become a turtle researcher. You’re an adult.”

“My dad thinks it’s a dumb career path.” He shrugged.

“Sounds like your dad is dumb.” You muttered., not looking at the man. He, however, shot you a look. He was smirking.

“Yeah, he kinda is.” You looked up and noticed his smile at your comment. You gave a small smile too. “Wanna go dance?” He asked with a nod toward the living room.

“Only if we stay outside of the mass of drunken people.” You conditioned.

“Deal.” He agreed with a small smile. So he set his drink down, grabbed your hand, and pulled you into a living room with loud music blasting in your ears. But it was more manageable while dancing with John. You were laughing and enjoying his company. At some point, he glanced at his watch. “Oh, I need to go soon.”

You looked at the time as well. “It’s kinda early.” You commented.

“Sorry, I have something planned for tomorrow. It’s Halloween after all.” He said. “Don’t worry, it’s not a date.” He said with a wink.

“Does this mean I can have a phone number in order to make a date with you?” You asked. John smiled and held out a hand for your phone. He sent himself a text via your phone.

“Let me know when you’re free. But not tomorrow. See ya, Y/N.”

“See ya, John.”

—

The next day you were sitting in your living room, watching dumb and not scary Halloween movies, with a blanket tossed over your lap. On a small table by your door was a bowl full of candy. And in the kitchen was extra bags of candy. Every time the doorbell rang you’d go to the door and pass out a piece of candy to little kids dressed in adorable costumes.

You stood up, in the middle of It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown, and walked to the door. You grabbed the bowl and pulled open the door. “Trick or treat!” A cute little girl cried. She had curly pigtails sticking out from under a green stocking cap. She was wearing a long sleeve yellow shirt with a green cardigan and green jeans. On her back was a cardboard circle, a homemade turtle shell.

“Well, you’re probably the cutest turtle I’ve ever seen.” You commented. “I made a friend the other day who liked turtles.” You grabbed a piece of candy at random to give the little girl and dropped in her green bucket.

“Oh yeah?” Someone behind the girl spoke up. You just now noticed her chaperone. “Was he cute?” John asked with a smirk. He was dressed in the costume from the other day, but no stuffed turtle today. His turtle was the little girl he was with. The little girl who was most likely his daughter. A daughter he failed to mention in the few hours he spent with you last night.

It wasn’t a deal breaker, but he could’ve mentioned it. He wasn’t exactly being secretive last night, he was open and honest when you asked questions. So why not mention the little girl? You knew he might be reluctant to share information like that, but he could’ve told you. At least mentioned it. Hell, he told you he had plans today. He could’ve casually mentioned he was taking someone trick or treating.

“I don’t know.” You responded. “I thought so but certain things are making me reconsider.” You said with an even stare. He furrowed his brow in confusion. “Good night, guys.” You shut the door after that. You huffed angrily. You continued handing out candy to kids in costumes. But you kept being angry at John. You just wanted to know why he didn’t tell you. Was that too much to ask? When the flow of kids slowed down you turned off the porch light and ate some of the remaining candy that was left. Way more than you’d like to admit.

—

Your phone pinged. You were at work a few days after Halloween. Peggy gave your a small wave of the hand, telling you to go ahead and check it. You saw a test from John Laurens.

John: You free to meet up?

You rolled your eyes, not exactly wanting to deal with him yet.

Y/N: Work.

You forgot that you told him you met Peggy at work. He walked in and flashed a bright smile to both you and Peggy. He walked up to the counter where Peggy was waving at him. They spoke in low voices for a moment. Then Peggy walked up to you. “It’s slow, go on break.”

“Why don’t you go on break?”

“You got here first, you break first.” She gave you a light, barely there, push toward the lobby. You sighed and untied your apron and walked out into the lobby of the cafe. You dropped into a chair at a table and pulled your phone out of your pocket and started scrolling on social media. Someone lightly rapped their knuckles twice on the top of the table. You looked up and saw John standing by your table and giving you a gentle smile.

“Hey.” He said softly. “Look, I know it’s shitty to come to where you work. But I wanted to figure out what was going on here.” He waved between the two of you. “You seemed really interested at Angie’s party and then totally shut me down on Halloween night. I just wanna know what’s going on. Then I swear I’ll never track you down on purpose again. I can’t promise I’ll stop coming here, after all, this is a great coffee shop.” He paused for a minute. “Can I sit?”

“Sure.” Might as well sit through this. What’s the harm?

“So what’s up? Why did you shut me down the other day?”

You sighed. “Look, I sort of get it. But I just…why didn’t you tell me I had a kid?”

John blinked in confusion. “I don’t have a kid.”

“John, you took her trick-or-treating!” You nearly shouted at him

“Oh, Martha!” He said in realization. “She’s not my daughter. She’s my niece.”

Now you were slightly confused. “Why were you taking her trick-or-treating?”

“Oh her older siblings refused to be seen with their younger sister. My sister couldn’t take her cause she had to stay home with the littlest baby, it was too cold for him to go out. And She wanted to go trick-or-treating with her cool Uncle Jacky anyway. The coordinating costume was pretty cute, huh?” He leaned back in his chair.

“Sorry…I jumped to conclusions.”

“Nah, it’s no big deal. I can understand.”

“I want to explain. It wasn’t exactly that you had a kid. It was the fact that I thought you had a kid and didn’t tell me.” You told him.

“Oh I swear I would’ve told you if I had a kid. Especially if the kid was as cool as my niece.”

“She did seem pretty awesome.” You admitted.

“So…do you think we could maybe have that date now?” John asked and leaned forward across the table.

“I’m off in a few hours.” You answered with a smile.

—

1 Year Later:

When you got to Angelica’s apartment, you pulled your jacket off and smoothed down your polo shirt with the zoo logo on it. “Y/N!” Someone shouted from behind you. You spun in time to see the stuffed turtle flying in your direction and catch it. You stuffed it into a pocket of your cargo pants.

“Well, you look pretty good as a herpetologist.” John said walking up. He pulled you close and kissed you soundly. He was wearing a matching costume.

“Are we that couple now?” You asked, gesturing to your matching outfits.

“Oh definitely. But I had to make sure we that we looked great as turtle researchers if we were gonna take Martha and her brother  trick-or-treating tomorrow.” John commented. “I’m glad we can dress her brother as a turtle cause she refused to dress as one this year. Apparently kimono dragons are cooler.” He said with an eye roll.

“Well, dragon is in the name. They might actually be a little cooler than  turtles.” You said teasingly.

“Oh, you are so lucky I love you.” He said before kissing you again.

[edream93]

I know this isn’t as important as the atrocity coming out from the Good to be Bad clip with Vk CHILDREN having to make a case for why they need to get off the Isle 😡😡😡 But I was wondering, on the parent question, who is the other parent of Disney sidekicks like Doug or his cousin or even Jane. I mean I get why the VKs have a single parent from one night stands but what about Disney sidekicks? Do you have any guesses of who they might be?

Short answer: Not really.

Long answer: I think it’s interesting that we sometimes assume that either the Isle kids or the Auradon kids have to both have parents that we know. I mean, they could just have parents that I like to personally call “No Names” or essentially just random every day people who were not the heroes, villains, or sidekicks, especially for people like Doug.

Jane, on the other hand, I have a personal headcanon which is essentially Fairy Godmother, as a female fairy, didn’t have to have a male fairy/human to have children. It does take considerable amount of magical energy to do it this way, kind of like splitting her soul but she also don’t have to deal with carrying around a baby for 9 months. It’s typically not done by fairies because they either like to trick unsuspecting human men (like I think Maleficent did on the Isle to get Mal. She didn’t want to pick another “Big Name” villain because they may try to take her heir or their magic may have overtaken Mal’s fairy blood so she picked one of the meanest, baddest “No Name” on the Isle) or they usually just spirit away a newborn baby from their crib while their parents are sleeping (King Adam made a rule very early on that, that was illegal). 

I also think this would explain why Fairy Godmother is personally for the magic ban. She’s kind of weak in power. Maybe give her a few centuries and she’ll have a smidge more magical power but again, I like to think that by having Jane, she’s essentially starting the countdown to her death. She’s an old fairy. She’s seen so much in the world. Good and bad and has even helped some of the good but she wanted something for herself, something that wouldn’t fade when the clock struck 12, something that could be her “Happily Ever After” for once and honestly, FG felt no greater joy than when the light faded and in her hands was this small beautiful babe that she decide to call Jane.

(Can you tell I think about fictional characters’ backstories a lot?)

In regards to everyone else, here’s a list of who I think their parents may be:

Mal: human, maybe one of Maleficent’s followers, someone who she had observed for their cunning, strength, and meanest (because she doesn’t want her child to be half weakling) as well as someone who she could get rid of easily. 

Evie: had to be some sort of corrupt royalty or nobleman. I can’t see the Evil Queen go for someone who didn’t have royal/noble blood.

Jay: random woman, who may or may not have looked vaguely like Jasmine. Probably a prostitute.

Carlos: Ooooo see, this is interesting. Because who would stick around long enough to want to have sex with Cruella? Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if she had a drunken threesome with her henchmen the Baduns. I mean, it kind of explains why Harry and Jace Badun were forced to be friends with Carlos growing up. He was their brother/cousin (though they didn’t know which because the Isle doesn’t have paternity tests). This would probably be one of those things that Carlos knew about from a very young age but since Carlos’s home life wasn’t the best to begin with and since Horace and Jasper Badun never really acted like a father/uncle, Carlos viewed them more as unfortunate sperm donors.- Doug and his cousins: The seven dwarves (or at least those that got married) had kids with either dwarf women or other individuals with uteruses. 

Dizzy: Though I doubt I’d ever use this in any of my current stories, I some how got into my head that Dizzy’s dad is Gaston. I think it’s partially because I like the idea that outside of Gil and his two brothers, there’s a pretty decent number of half Gaston girls running around, not really claimed as daughters of Gaston but again, it’s one of those things that everyone just knows. 

Uma: It depends on my mood who I think Ursula may or may not have shacked up with. One idea is that like my ideas of fairies, Ursula didn’t need to have someone else to get herself pregnant. It’s just something that she could biologically make herself do and is something pretty common for merfolks. Second idea is it was Dr. Facilier in a nod to Freddie Facilier being voiced by China and then her sister Lauryn in the “Wicked World” shorts. A third idea that I like is that it was Barbossa one night when Ursula was bored and tired of hearing Maleficent talk about making an heir.

Gil: one of the Babbettes( I think that’s what they’re called) Though her other two sisters made sure they had nothing to do with Gaston once King Adam made the Isle a thing, one of the sister was so love struck that she voluntarily went to the Isle to be with him. 

Harry: random woman. Probably a prostitute. When the Isle was first created, Captain Hook and Jafar hung out a lot (how Jay and Harry know each other) and often went to the brothels together.

Same for Harriet though probably a different woman.

CJ’s mom is special. She is technically an actual Disney character but I’m not sure how many people would know her unless they watched a specific Disney series of movies. That’s all I’m going to say or else I’ll spoil stuff for one of my stories. 

Anyway, I’m obviously forgetting some people but if there’s someone specific who you want to know my headcanons for their second parent let me know. 

Thanks for the question anon!

[elfpen]

The Circle

An FMA drabble because my brain needs a break.

---------- 

He did not dress like a professor, did not speak like a professor, gave tougher homework and harsher grades than any other professor, and was undoubtedly the meanest professor in the entire Alchemy department. And yet, his classes grew waiting lists every single term.

It usually took a few weeks to get a good read on a new class. Would they be rowdy? Attentive? Sleepy? How many would drop out? How many would sleep their way to a C? Who would sit in the front row with their notebooks out? Who would sit in the back where he thought he couldn’t see? Who would set fire to their desk in a failed transmutation? Who would - and god, he always hoped it wouldn’t happen, but inevitably, it did - start flirting with him?

Edward Elric squinted at the at the new faces as the students filed into his classroom. Some he recognized from previous classes, but most were a mystery. Mystery was one of the fun parts of his job. Long retired from his youthful days of world-saving, the puzzle of new college students was a delectable treat, and the first few weeks of class were a thrill that he savored every term. So, when students made it easy for him, it pissed him off.

On day two, one hour and twenty-six minutes into a three hour discussion about transmutation circle geometry, a blond-haired, green-eyed pest raised his hand. Edward finished drawing his circle on the blackboard and paused.

“Yes - um, it’s Michael, right?”

“Yes sir, it’s ‘mik-KEL’, actually,” the boy gave a tight grin.

“Oh, right, sorry, Michael,” Ed filed the pronunciation away in his brain.

“Yes sir, I wanted to know how to get my circles to look as perfect as the ones you’re drawing.”

It was an honest, good question, and made Ed chuckle along with some of his students. “Practice, I’m afraid. I make it look easy, but there’s no trick to it. I’ve drawn hundreds of these things, you just have to practice at it.”

Michael was unmoved, and did not laugh. He looked pensive. “I wouldn’t think you’d need hundreds of transmutation circles if you can’t perform alchemy.” The room fell utterly silent. “...sir,” Michael tacked on, remorseless.

Edward stared at him, completely nonplussed. “The transmutation circle is the foundation for all alchemical operations,” Edward said, choosing to ignore the slight and continue on with class, “whether you’re performing a transmutation or composing a circle for future or theoretical use, the circle is a language all its own, and does not need to be executed in order to understand its meaning...” as he spoke, the class collectively relaxed, but Michael continued watching him, eyebrows drawn, green eyes flashing between Edward and every syllable he wrote on the board, looking for a gap in his armor.

Oh, Edward thought, seeing in an afternoon what would’ve normally taken him weeks to map out, so it’s going to be like that. 

—-

Every time Michael raised his hand, Edward bit down hard enough that he could hear his own jaw muscles straining to keep his tongue locked behind his teeth.

“Yes, Michael?” he dutifully answered in time, annoyance only barely veiled by the reprimands he received from his superiors every year.

“Can you give us a demonstration, sir?” the student asked, in reference to the simple transmutation up for their consideration, a metal-and-clay child’s toy. Edward leaned back against his desk, crossed his arms, and glared. Most of the other students, now accustomed to this uncomfortable tete-a-tete, looked pointedly down at their notes.

“No, Michael, I can’t, but why don’t you give it a shot?”

When Michael performed it perfectly and the class clapped, Edward cursed the boy’s success and realized he was a horrible teacher for thinking it.

—-

Halfway through autumn, Michael started sitting with a girl. For the first few infatuated days, Edward had hoped she’d draw his attentions away from being horrible with her wily charms, but before long, he’d begun trying to impress her.

“Professor?”

Despite the fact that the damn runt was at least fifteen years his junior, Michael’s voice actually made Edward feel afraid. And that, in turn, made him angry. He stopped mid-sentence and turned on his heel to face the kid - young man, Edward conceded, and stared. He did not say anything to invite comment, but Michael didn’t need him to.

“Are you sure that’s the right rune for that, professor?”

“Yes, Michael,” he said, speaking slowly to keep himself from screaming, “I think I know the difference between transmuting lead and transmuting copper.” For the benefit of the class, he added, “If it’s a complex circle, you can get lost in the runes and may attempt to transmute one element when you wrote the rune for a different one, but you should be able to tell right away. Lead and copper have entirely different densities, and the energy feels different when you’re transmuting them. You’d have to start over, but it’s an easy fix.”

“Feels different, sir?” Michael asked, and Edward turned slowly, hating how trapped he felt, hating how small he felt, standing alone in the front of the room.

“Yes, Michael,” he said, and felt as if he were baring his neck. He knew the dance by now.

“How would you know, sir?”

“How do you not?” he heard himself snap back. “As I was saying...” He turned away and continued on with his lecture, but didn’t stop sweating until he returned home that evening.

—-

Things came to a head when Edward was reviewing the ingredients to transmute a cotton waistcoat. “Except for a few bits and buttons, it’s mostly cotton, but that doesn’t make it simple. Can anyone tell me why cotton is so tricky?”

A bookish female student who almost never raised her hand did, and Edward leaped at the opportunity. “Yes, miss Trellan.”

“Because cotton is an organic substance, and organic matrices are incredibly hard to reconstruct, sir.”

“Excellent! Did everyone here what she said? Good. All cotton fabric is, at the base, an organic material, though it’s been processed and spun and woven and so forth. Deconstruction is a cinch, but reconstruction can be hard to get right. Cotton fabric isn’t alive like cotton the plant, of course, but if you want to end up with a decent piece of clothing, you have be aware of the residual cellular makeup of the fiber, so that you don’t accidentally...”

“Michael, don’t,” Edward heard The Girlfriend whisper, and he broke into a sweat. Michael’s hand shot up.

“Yes, Michael,” he said, wishing he could fade away.

“Could you transmute a piece of clothing from organic cotton? Right off the plant, I mean, instead of woven?”

Oh. That... was a good question, actually. “Yes, you can,” Ed told him. “It takes quite a bit more research to set up an array, but yes, you can, I know a few tailors who’ve made a fortune doing something like it.”

“But could you transmute a cotton plant into, say... a flax plant?”

Edward’s relief dissolved. “What, a living flax plant?”

“Yeah,” Michael said, and crossed his arms, waiting to hear what Professor Elric would say.

Edward blinked. “I’m... I’m not really sure. I don’t see why you’d want to. Cotton and flax are both pretty useless unless they’re spun,” that drew a few chuckles, at least.

“What about other organic material? Like... animals.” The chuckles stopped abruptly. Michael’s unmoving expression was making Edward sweat for different reasons, older reasons, reasons that happened right here in Central, decades ago.

“You’re talking about chimeras,” Edward said. “That is highly illegal, for one thing.”

“Alchemical doctors use biological alchemy all the time,” Michael defended. “If they can reconstruct organic tissue-”

“Human tissue is fairly different than cotton,” Edward pointed out.

“Yes, but if human transmutation is possible, then why can’t-”

“Human transmutation is not possible,” Edward snapped, louder than he’d meant to. The room fell silent, and two dozen students stared back in frightened silence, eyes alternating between Edward and Michael.

“If it were impossible,” Michael said in the tone of someone who’d given it more than enough thought, “medical alchemy wouldn’t exist. If it weren’t possible, it wouldn’t be illegal.”

Edward shared in the stunned silence that followed. All around Michael, the entire front row was shrinking into their seats, as if they could melt past their desks and through the floor to escape. 

“Human transmutation,” Professor Elric repeated in a firm, deliberate order, “is impossible.”

“How do you know?” Michael said, and for the first time there was evidence of real condescension in his expression. “You always say we can’t learn something until we try it. Exactly how many times have you tried it, professor?”

Michael’s girlfriend, who’d been sitting shoulder to shoulder with him for weeks, was leaning away with saucer-wide eyes, and the rest of the class were shooting each other worried looks, knowing that the subject their classmate had decided to poke with a stick was not merely a taboo in Central University, or in Amestris, but in the world of Alchemy as a whole.

Edward locked eyes with Michael, gold to green. He stared, and stared, and found that he was no longer sweating. He shoved his hands into his trouser pockets and gripped his alchemist’s watch so hard he could feel the dragon imprinted on his palm. The classroom was silent, but he spoke with the overdrawn confidence he’d learned as a boy.

“Five.”

Silence was no longer an adequate word. It was so quiet, he heard his own saliva as he prepared to speak again:

“The first time when I was eleven, the second immediately after that, twice while I was fifteen, and the last time when I was sixteen.”

Edward wished he could freeze time, harvest the concentrated horror on Michael’s face and distill it into a stiff drink, just so he could knock it back and toss the glass at the stupid little punk’s dumbass face.

But then, he realized, everyone else was staring at him too. He’d never entered into this territory with any other class. But now he had, and he’d probably face more reprimands. He might even get fired. Right hand playing idly with the chain on his watch, Edward sat on the edge of his desk.

“The first time was when I was eleven and my brother was ten, we tried to raise our mother - may she rest in peace - from the grave. It did not work, but for my trouble I lost my right arm and my left leg, and my brother lost his entire body. He lost his soul, too, which brought me to my second attempt at human transmutation: I called by brother’s soul back from wherever it’d been taken and bound it to a suit of armor in a circle drawn in my own blood - the only vaguely stable material I had on hand.” The classroom was a hall of statues, and Edward felt as though he were not speaking to people at all, but an empty room - empty rooms, he had found, were always more receptive to dark conversation. He looked up, remembering. 

“Let’s see... the third time was when I was trapped in another dimension. I transmuted myself to get myself back in the real world. Not ideal, by any stretch of the imagination.” He sounded like a madman. “The fourth time, I used human transmutation on myself to heal a wound that should’ve been fatal. And the fifth time...” even as he spoke, they weren’t too far away from the very spot. Sometimes, Edward walked by Central Command and could almost feel the crackle of energy over his hands again. It made him shiver. “The last time I transmuted a person, the last time I transmuted anything at all, was when I transmuted my own ability to perform alchemy to provide equivalent exchange to bring my brother’s body back to the real world.”

The silence had coalesced into an atmosphere thick as tar. The student statues slowly began to move. Michael’s mouth began to twitch, as if he was trying to find something to say.

“Medical transmutation is possible,” Edward told his students, “and incredibly helpful, if you have enough training. The transmutation of an entire living person is even possible, though it almost always results in a rebound or death. But the transmutation of a deceased person is not possible, it never has been, never will be, and was not worth the cost to investigate.” As he spoke, Edward quietly lifted his left pant leg to show his automail leg, and then pulled the collar of his shirt and waistcoat aside to show the garish scar left from his transmuted right arm. “So before you do anything stupid, I suggest you learn from people like me and spare yourselves the grief.”

The room remained silent. In the dearth of comment and questions, Edward turned back to his notes, retracing the steps of their conversation. “Now,” he said, “cotton.” 

Somehow, he got the lecture back on track, but let the class go early anyway. Michael skittered away with a haunted, contrite expression and Edward knew he was going straight to the archives to investigate his claims. He closed his eyes and rubbed at them, feeling a headache coming on. No doubt the Dean would be in contact about this ‘incident’ in short order.

“Professor?” 

He looked up to find an empty classroom and Michael’s girlfriend - ex girlfriend by now, if he were to hazard a guess - looking up at him nervously, tucking her hair behind her ear.

“Hmm?” he grunted, and she seemed to shrink.

“Is... I mean, after all you said about, um... about humantransmutation,” she said it as one word, as if saying it faster would keep her from reproach, “is... um, is, uh,”

“Spit it out,” he demanded, crossing his arms and bracing for impact.

“Is your brother okay?” She blurted.

It was not what he was expecting. “Who, Alphonse?” Edward found himself saying in an incredulous tone. He snorted a laugh. “Yeah, he’s just fine, just as annoying as little brothers ever were. Last I heard he and his wife were mucking around in some desert ruins.”

“Oh,” the girl, given a happy answer to her question, seemed uncertain of what to say next. “Oh, that’s good. Just. What you said... I mean, I just... well, I’m glad.” She stood awkwardly for a moment, turned, and left without a farewell. Then, she stopped at the door and turned back around.

“Does Central offer any classes on medical transmutation?” She asked. “I’d never heard about it. And if it’s that useful...” she hesitated. Edward didn’t look at her as he stuffed papers into his briefcase.

“They’re really hard, you know. As hard as any medical degree.”

“How hard is that?” she asked.

Despite himself, Edward smiled. He looked back up at her. He remembered being this ignorant, studying human transmutation as a child, not knowing how difficult it was supposed to be and not knowing he was too young. But dead mothers and medicine were two very different things.

“Dr. Barrow offers the second half of his unit in the spring. Talk with him and he might be able to catch you up before then. It’ll be a lot of work.”

“Oh, okay,” she seemed more lively, more confident than she had before. “Thank you, Dr. Elric!” she smiled. “And... and thank you for, uh...”

“I’ll see you on Tuesday,” Edward waved her away, grabbing his things and turning out the lights. 

He was gratified when, on Tuesday, the girl was sitting across the hall from Michael, and Michael remained silent. The thrill of the mystery was back on, and notwithstanding the angry letter he got from the Dean about “illicit topical discussion”, Edward Elric saw autumn turn to spring in the normal ebb and flow of class. 

—

In the spring, he received a note from a student requesting his reference so that she could receive permission to test out of Medical Alchemy I to go straight into Medical Alchemy II. 

I realize you are not a medical specialist, but as a member of the permanent faculty, your vote would forward my request to the Dean’s office, and allow me to..... blah, blah, blah. Students got wordier every year. His eyes skimmed down the page, but when he saw the signature, he froze.

...appreciate your help with this.

Many thanks,

Trisha

Edward Elric stared at the letter for a full minute in silence before breaking into a laugh that sent him to tears. His mother would’ve relished such irony. The circle was the foundation of all alchemy, so it was only right that that name had come ‘round again. Even Hohenheim, Ed was was sure, wouldn’t have an explanation for this twist of fate. 

“Going to be a doctor, huh?” he said to the letter in the quiet of his office. “Alright, doc, learn from my mistakes.” He signed the letter, sealed it, and sent it back on its way.

That night, as he drifted to sleep beside his wife, the thought of human transmutation crossed his mind, and for the first time since he was eleven years old, Edward Elric did not think of the Thing he’d created with his brother. Instead, he thought of their mother, and of a young, unafraid college student who shared her name.

[frenchy-and-the-sea]

POI - Intel

I’m keeping the birthday train rolling, y’all. This time it’s for @dalish-farther-roam, whose monk Amon could only ever inspire me to write something so rowdy and ridiculous. He’s bringing out the neutral in Val’s neutral good.

2,702 words, set in a fictional scenario in which the idiots need some information on some purposefully vague thing, and have different ideas on how to go about it. Val attempts diplomacy, and then realizes that’s a 4e skill and her charisma is garbage. Amon saves the day and is right a lot. Enjoy!

“Can I at least try talking to them first?”

Val and Amon stood about halfway down the length of a long, darkened stairwell, huddled together and arguing in hushed tones that Val hoped were being covered by the low rumble of conversation drifting up from the door below. Behind them, two guards that had been posted at the door lay sprawled out on the landing, unconscious.

“You can try,” Amon said with a resigned sigh, “but I don’t think they are going to listen. This is a gang, not a party hall.”

“Gang’s a very strong word,” Val muttered, glancing over her shoulder towards the guards. They had been half-drunk on their watch, and as easy to sneak up on as they were to knock out. “This isn’t even enough of a shithole town for me to think there isn’t a thieves’ guild outpost somewhere. You’d think the local underground would have some propriety too.”

“You have a lot of faith in petty criminals.”

Val snorted. “If I didn’t, I wouldn’t have let you drag me into infiltrating their safe houses on the hope they might be able to help, would I?”

Amon shrugged agreeably, and turned his attention back towards the door. “Do you want to go first then, or should I?”

“No, no, I’ll take the lead on this one.” Val slipped past him, shoving at him playfully as she passed. “You have an air about you that constantly screams ‘fight me,’ and I’d like to give them something of a sporting chance first.”

She could practically feel the way Amon’s grin curled in the darkness, and only just managed to stifle her own as they began to creep slowly down the rest of the stairs towards the open doorway.

For all that the gang had thought to put guards on the street, they had apparently not felt the need to station them anywhere else; most notably, at the entrance of their hideout proper, which Val strode through without so much as a moment of hesitation.

“Evening ‘gents!” she called as she pushed into the circle of low candlelight. “A moment of your time, please.”

The conversation and clinking of glass ground to an instant halt. All across the room, heads began to swivel towards her, until Val found herself at the attention of a few dozen wide, unfocused stares. She watched them flit between her and Amon - taking in their armor, their weapons, the horns on their heads - and made sure to raise her hands slowly, palms out, as she stepped forward.

“Easy, now. We’re not here to start any shit. We just have a few -”

Something shifted quickly in her periphery, and Val glanced up just in time to catch a bottle whizzing out of the crowd towards her. Her hand went instinctively for her shield, but as usual, Amon was faster; he appeared at her side in an instant and snatched it straight out of the air, wheeling with a terrifying speed before hurling the little vessel back into the crowd the way it came. It landed somewhere near the back of the room with a sickeningly wet shatter of glass, and a wail of pain from some unfortunate soul huddled among the tables. Amon just shook out his hand with a delicate huff that Val would have sworn on her life was an imitation of Sarula’s. 

“Don’t you know it is rude to interrupt someone when they are speaking?”

Only the broken sobs of the poor idiot that had thrown the bottle and the twenty-odd people reaching for table knives kept Val from snickering. Instead, she took another quick step forward, hands still outstretched.

“Hey, hey, no need for that. We’re just here to ask some questions, then we’ll be on our merry way. No fights, no bloodshed...well, no more, anyway -”

A gnome sitting at one of the closest rows of tables suddenly scrambled on top of it, producing a serrated bread knife from somewhere beneath the folds of his ratty clothing and jabbing it towards her.

“Piss off!” he sneered. “This ain’t no fuckin’ library! We got no answers for you, ya pissant devil’s brood!”

There was a chorus of agreement through the crowd, and a renewed vigor in sweeping knives off of tables. Out of the corner of her eye, Val saw Amon fielding her a very smug, very knowing little smirk, and just barely restrained herself from rolling her eyes.

“Gods, fine,” she hissed, glaring, “we'll do it your way.”

This time when Val stepped forward, she did so with a hand on the trident hooked onto her belt, and a scowl that sent the thieves in the first row skittering backwards.

“Only one question, then,” she cried out over the din. Her voice boomed in the narrow, earthen space, helped on only slightly by the faint tickle of magic cooling in her throat. “Who’s the biggest, meanest brawler of the lot of you? Who here makes a living better with their fists than with their good sense, eh?”

She watched as the whole room stilled to exchange suspicious glances, and carefully reconsider the grips they had on their knives now that the armored tieflings in front of them were calling for a bruiser. Eventually, though, something stirred near the makeshift bar on the far wall, and Val turned her attention to the figure slowly weaving its way forward. It was a dragonborn, towering a good few inches over the top of even her horns and clutching a pair of nasty looking hand axes. The red scales around his face were patchy, like some had been ripped off a few too many times, and when he grinned, she could see two long rows of crooked bruiser’s teeth.

He stopped a few feet away and settled his bulk against a table, arms folded over his chest.

“That'd be me,” he rumbled, with a wide, humorless grin. Val gave him a quick once over; he had every ounce of her size, and even more height than Tara, with a grip on his weapons that said that he had definitely used them as proper weapons before. But he lumbered when he walked, and swayed on his feet from some nasty combination of long term balance issues and a gut full of drink, and she knew well enough where that would leave him in a proper fight. Sighing, she turned back towards Amon and dropped her hand from where it rested against her trident.

“This one’s yours,” she said, and jerked a thumb towards the dragonborn. “Just don’t kill him, alright? We need to get something out of this little outing, and I’d prefer that something not be us getting thrown in jail.”

“Kill me?” The dragonborn cut in with humorless laugh. He turned over his shoulder to address the crowd behind him, sneering. “They think that this ugly little son of a goat-fucker could actually kill me -”

An enormous fist of hewn earth suddenly burst up from the ground below him, cracking against his jaw with the sound of a few more teeth going crooked. He staggered back against the table behind him with a muffled groan, scattering the front row of gang members as he tried to steady himself on the wood. Amon didn’t wait for that, though; he shifted his stance and the fist shot forward again, this time latching onto the dragonborn with such tremendous force that Val heard the breath whoosh out of his lungs.

He barely had a chance to recover it before Amon set upon him again, covering the distance between them in the span of a second. He made some indiscernible gesture with his hands and the fist’s earthen fingers suddenly shifted into a set of crude stairs, which Amon sprinted up without so much as breaking his stride. He leapt onto the edge of the fist in one smooth motion and sank into a crouch, hissing something in Infernal as he reared back and swung for the dragonborn’s much-abused jaw -

Val saw the bright light burning behind the scales of the dragonborn’s throat too late to call a warning, and suddenly, the whole room erupted in a bright orange cone of flame.

She threw up an arm to blunt the little tongues of fire that curled her way, shielding her eyes from the brightness with the hide-tough skin she knew wouldn’t burn. Through the shadow, she saw Amon redirect himself in midair and swing around behind the dragonborn’s head, entirely unscathed; then she saw nothing, except a flash of dull metal in the brightness. The sound of painful retching and the abrupt stop to the fire painted a clear enough picture though, and she peeked around her arm just in time to catch the sight of Amon towering up from behind the dragonborn’s head, his fist cocked back a second time.

And then, the fight was over. The room, which had just started to get whipped into a frenzy, fell into a sudden, deadly quiet as the dragonborn’s limp body slumped to the ground, coated in a thick slurry of earth that Amon rode back to the floor. He plucked a little mote of lingering fire out of the air as he stepped down onto flat earth again, and began rolling it lazily across his knuckles like a thief with a coin trick, channeling so much casual disinterest into the gesture that Val only barely managed to keep herself from rolling her eyes as she turned back to address the crowd.

“Now,” she said, with a grand flourish towards the unconscious form of the dragonborn, “we could spend all night beating the everloving shit out of each and every one of you. As you can see, it would be fucking easy. Or you could sit down and let us ask a couple of simple questions so that we can let you get back to your evening, and - ”

“Get ‘em!”

Val let her words buckle into in a heavy sigh as the room burst into action, and she shrugged her shield onto her arm. Beside her, Amon let the mote of fire roll into his palm and flare up to his wrist like a gauntlet.

“I told you,” he said in quiet sing-song, grinning. Val tugged the belaying pin strapped to her hip free of its tie with a grunt.

“I know,” she said, twirling it one hand. “I hate it when you’re right.”

------

Barely five minutes later, Val found herself bent over a small writing chest that they had found in the back room, shuffling through paperwork at a table strewn with the slumped and unconscious forms of the gang’s entire payroll. She set a folded piece of parchment covered with scribbled tithe amounts onto the table, and brushed a skinny human woman’s hand aside as she did.

“I can’t believe you didn't leave anyone conscious,” she said over her shoulder, glancing down to where Amon was crouched among the figures strewn around the room.

“You didn’t either,” he pointed out, pushing stiffly to his feet. Val rolled her eyes.

“That’s because I thought you were going to! You know, the person who can stop people in their tracks by punching them in the face. Two birds, one stone and all of that.”

“Well,” said Amon with a dramatic huff, “I didn’t see you trying to hold back at all either. You used that gnome as a table runner!”

He pointed off towards a table a few feet away, which had been swiped clean of its contents in a strip clear down its center. Val eyed the scene for a moment, then shrugged.

“Little asshole tried to pour acid on me. What was I supposed to do?” She turned over another few handfuls of paper and sighed, shutting the chest with a heavy thud. “In any case, I don't think they knew anything anyway. The best kept log here is of when shops in the market quarter open and close. Not exactly anything we couldn’t figure out in a few -”

She broke off at the sound of metal jingling against metal, and turned just in time to catch Amon slip a purse off of the waist of a rather portly looking dwarf and into his hand. Her brow furrowed as he moved on to the female gnome beside him, gingerly peeling back her grimy coat and going for the little leather satchel tied on her hip.

“Are you looting these people?” she asked incredulously. Amon paused to glance up towards her, one eyebrow raised.

“Are you not?”

“No!” Val stepped back and gestured in a wide arc towards the room. “I, personally, think we've done enough to them by knocking every single one of them unconscious!”

“And I think that we deserve a reward for keeping this menace from terrorizing the townsfolk again tonight!” Amon replied. He tugged the purse strings free of the woman’s belt with a decisive pop and slipped it into his bag. Val snorted incredulously.

“And who exactly is going around calling these idiots a menace?”

“Plenty of people!” said Amon. He extracted his fingers from the pockets of the gnome woman and began ticking off names on them. “The guard captain, the mayor, about five different storekeepers…”

“And that pretty little elven girl we met today,” Val hummed, with sudden, dawning realization. A grin curled across her face as she swatted gently at Amon with her tail. “Should’ve guessed you fancied her by the way you were making eyes all afternoon. You intend to go back to her the hero, eh?”

“You misunderstand,” said Amon grimly, “I am simply a concerned traveler who happens to be able to help -"

“Uh-huh.” Val swatted at him again, and snickered when he ducked easily out of the way. “Well, if she happens to ask what happened to this thoroughly roughed up little menace of hers, I won't be heartbroken if you leave my name out of it.”

Amon stroked his chin, considering. “Can I take credit for the thing you did with the half elves between the tables?”

Val snorted. “That, and all of the things you actually did, sure,” she said with a grin. “But leave their pockets alone, alright? Stolen purses might encourage them to take it out on the townsfolk, which is the last thing we…”

Her voice trailed off as her eyes landed on a bottle standing on a table just behind the makeshift bar. It was a squat vessel made of dark brown glass, still corked despite the fact that its wax seal had been entirely shredded, and even from a few feet away, Val could make out the the thick layer of dust coating the surface. Squinting in the dim light, she stepped carefully over the carpet of limp forms and reached over the bar to pluck it off the table, scrubbing at the surface with her thumb. Her finger came away clean; the dust was packed so tightly against it that only her claw scratching at it a few times seemed to make any sort of dent in it at all.

The label had long since faded and been torn away, but Val had stolen enough high quality booze from the longer-lived races to know exactly what she had found.

“Now how did you get this, exactly?” she muttered, glancing over to where the barkeep was tangled in a stool a few feet away. He, predictably, did not answer, so she tugged back the opening of her pack and began to slip the bottle inside.

“That looks nice.”

Val froze, glancing up to find Amon still crouched among the fallen, looking suddenly, unbearably smug. She cleared her throat and shrugged delicately.

“Well, it certainly doesn’t belong to them,” she said, trying to play at nonchalance. “Thought it’d be better if I confiscated it. For now.”

“For now,” Amon echoed skeptically. Val gave a good-natured roll of her eyes and swatted at him again.

“Alright, fine. Take what you’ve got, but don’t overload your pockets,” She slipped the bottle the rest of the way into her pack and slung it over her shoulder. “We still have three more hideouts to hit.”

[atakportal]

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If you want to strip off excess body fat and build impressive levels of endurance while rewiring your muscles with the kind of primal power and control that repairs joints and prevents injury…

This letter will show you how one Disabled Marine did it…

And how you can do it too, without any fancy equipment, and in less time than you might imagine.

Hi, my name is Helder Gomes. And I’m a Service-Connected Disabled Veteran. Yet you’d never guess it from watching me train.

In fact, some of my clients call me “The Super Soldier”.

I try not to let it go to my head. But secretly, I kind of like it.

Imagine being told your body will never be able to do what it used to. Not even come close. And that you’ll have to settle for a life of “soft, weak and tired”.

Then imagine the looks on their faces when you not only prove them wrong, but suddenly…

When the odds are stacked against you, you can’t help but bathe in victory just a little.

Super Soldier? That’s an Army thing. But, yeah… I’ll take it.

Anyway, what does this have to do with you?

I want to give you my “super soldier serum”.

If you’re willing to put it to the test, I believe it will change the way you train forever.

And when put to work, these “machines” will prove — beyond a shadow of a doubt — your body’s best years are yet to come.

This underscores an important point…

See, you don’t need expensive gym memberships, functional training “circus tricks”, or puke-inducing workouts to gain an advantage over other men.

No. With what I’m about to reveal, you can unlock the hidden power in even the most basic exercises to revitalize your body and build high levels of fitness… with less reps, and no matter your age.

You’ll unleash a level of inner strength and confidence you may not know you possess right now… even if It’s buried beneath years of wear and tear.

So, if you suspect you’ve stumbled onto something unlike anything you’ll ever hear about from your average clipboard-toting trainer, you’re right. In fact…

What you are about to discover is the same secret training method I’ve taught to some of…

These are some of the scariest dudes you’ll ever lay eyes on… who have high fitness standards to meet for their jobs, but can’t afford to be fatigued and sore all the time.

I’m talking about members of the leanest and meanest fighting groups in South America and Eastern Europe…

Special Operations Units in the Middle East…

And First Responders, fellow Devil Dogs and former Navy Seals back in the States.

They have the resources to train in any discipline they’d like. And yet, time and again they contract me out for days (to weeks) at a clip to pace them through my system.

Why? One dead-serious reason: they need one of the good guys to expose and eliminate their weaknesses before the “enemy” does.

It’s kind of crazy when you think about it…

You throw out all the “rules” that Average Fitness Joes live by.

Let me give you some perspective…

See, when your body starts falling apart you’re slower to get going in the morning… fighting more aches and pains throughout the day… setbacks come more frequently, and motivation to exercise gets harder and harder to come by.

It’s nearly impossible to stick to a program when you feel beat up and blue all the time.

Worst part is, this screws with your hormones, eating away at lean muscle mass, and packing fat around your midsection and sag around your chest.

I was headed down that path.

Take a look at this picture…

Just don’t be fooled by the smile, because…

First, my wife isn’t hugging me; she’s holding me up. That’s why we’re standing so far apart.

Second, I’m covered in sunscreen and shame. And only one of them was going to wash off.

Third, I’ve lost all sense of purpose in my life.

The Marines had long since classified me no longer “fit to serve”. I’d fallen from bad-ass to fat-ass. I was just waiting for the day my wife could no longer stand the sight of me and finally wise up and hit the bricks in search of a real man. And I saw nothing but darkness in my future.

I remember sitting there not too long after this photo was taken. Just staring at it. Thinking, “Man, what a certified piece of dogshit you’ve become.”

I couldn’t get through a night without waking up in a cold sweat. Couldn’t put on a shirt without feeling like my shoulder was being ripped out of the socket. I couldn’t even make it from my bedroom to the bathroom on my own two feet, most days.

I cringed at the thought of being the dad that has to sit back and watch as some other guy teaches his kid how to play sports, or how to defend himself, or how to be an honorable man.

Why am I telling you all this? Not for your pity. But, because it’s important you know where I’m coming from if my advice is going to mean anything to you (even if that means being transparent to the point of risking embarrassment). Anyway, it should be obvious that…

And it wasn’t for lack of trying either. I’d easily drop money I didn’t really have on books and dvds and trainers. But, even beginner or “easy” workouts turned out to be anything but. In fact…

A lot of it was actually doing me more harm than good.

Most programs seemed to be created for young, able bodies. And most trainers didn’t know what to do with a body that had limitations.

So just about anything I put my body through left me regretting it the next morning.

And the doctors? Their only answer for my shoulder was: “Try not to lift your arm too high”. Their solution for my knee was to stitch in parts from a dead man to replace the parts that were missing; and even then I was told I’d still never walk in total comfort…

They told me to take it easy.

And that “acceptance” was the first step towards happiness.

And a bunch of other head-shrink stuff. Well…

They obviously didn’t know who they were talking to.

Because, able-bodied or not…

No one could give me answers, so…

I went out and found them on my own.

I knew I needed to take my research “off-grid”, and…

…on the darker corners of the fitness and human performance world that I’d spend my days and nights.

And guess what I discovered?

At an unconventional strength seminar I tracked down a bear of a man known as “The Crazy Russian”… who exposed me to weird “mental tricks” to elevating your strength simply by changing the way you THINK about how your muscles move your body…

I studied somatic exercise and other therapeutic modalities… looking for secrets to rejuvenating a body that’s stopped responding to exercise the way it used to.

I even ran into this “off-the-wall” body worker who believed most personal trainers should be charged with gross negligence — if not physical abuse — for much of what they subject their clients to. But…

And hesitant as I was, I even threw myself into the martial arts… in hopes of uncovering how some of these guys keep kicking ass well into old age. And to my shock…

Punching arts, kicking arts, grappling arts… knife, stick and weapons fighting… all of them… had a very real “magic” of internal power and body control that…

This is just the tip of the iceberg.

Once I dove headlong into the rabbit hole, I found myself mixed up in some controversial exercise theories and strange body disciplines.

The kind of stuff you almost never hear about in the magazines or mainstream media. This is why…

Look, as a guy who was once a complete and total mess, I can tell you I’m pretty darn vigilant about what I subject my body to. So when I started experimenting with all the secrets I was digging up, I kept close track of how my body responded. And guess what?

But it gets better because…

I started doing things with my body that not only shocked the hell out of the doctors who told me my best days were behind me… but gave my “glory days” a run for their money.

Imagine their surprise when I ran the New York City Marathon.

Or when they saw videos of me tossing around kettlebells like they were softballs.

Or when they heard I was rolling around on the mat with champion martial artists.

Best of all, my friends and family were now looking at me with a newfound sense of pride and respect, instead of doubt and pity.

And it wasn’t long before guys started talking…

…and word spread through back channels and I was getting cryptic messages from some dangerous dudes who wanted a peak behind the curtain.

They wouldn’t take no for an answer. And yet…

When I started letting them in on it, they couldn’t believe the simplicity. But I told them…

After years of putting countless moves, methods and strategies under a microscope, I discovered the most powerful secrets all had one thing in common:

Well, the first step of this is a simple mental shift.

That’s because you can’t separate your muscles from your nervous system (not unless your a dead man). No…

The key in this first step is simply understanding that your nervous system CONTROLS your muscles. Like a puppet master, it’s pulling your muscles strings. And it dictates what they do and how they feel.

In other words, it determines your strength, flexibility and pain. In ways that most guys are normally NOT aware of.

Anyway, the second part of this is to…

You can think of it like the difference between hammering the gas for more acceleration, and fine-tuning your engine for greater horsepower.

This is why I named my secret training system the Precision Fitness Operator System (PFO-Sys for short).

See, I figured out there are three “Power Principles” that separate Average Fitness Joes (AFJs) from Precision Fitness Operators (PFOs)…

…and allow you to train like the puppet master, instead of the puppet… so you can eliminate weakness and build combat ready conditioning at any age.

They understand that your mind drives your movement. Not in some airy-fairy “woo woo” sense. The science is clear on this. So much so that studies have shown your brain can regulate force production without you ever having to move a muscle.

This is why mental imagery can cause strength gains, it’s also why certain lower body exercises can increase the strength of your upper body, or why stretching one limb can increase the flexibility of another (unstretched) limb. So…

While AFJs train their muscles, PFOs sharpen their neural drive, and train their brain to send stronger, clearer signals to their muscles, which translates to more muscle engagement by recruiting more muscle fibers (or getting the fibers to work more quickly and efficiently).

This “reprograms” your nervous system so it activates the right muscle fibers with greater precision… granting you better muscle contraction/relaxation balance… and developing a primal strength and control that AFJs may never know…

They understand that “unified movement” makes every exercise safer, more efficient and more powerful. Don’t misunderstand me. This isn’t about “whole body” versus “isolation” training. Think of it this way…

Every good fighter pilot runs through a pre-flight checklist, eyes and flips a bunch of switches before his mission is a “go” and we have lift off. Well, PFOs do something similar with their joints, breathing, muscle engagement and form before cranking out reps.

More, they know flipping the right “switches” on and off as you move through an exercise can be the difference between a “ok” rep and a power rep.

AFJs train “harder” than they need to because they leak power. PFOs get more done with less time spent training simply by plugging their structural leaks.

By not leaking power, they prime their body to take advantage its natural, spring-like ability to load, absorb and redirect “shock”… keeping the pump on their muscles, and the pounding off their joints… smoothing out their movements so they’re less taxing on your body, but deliver more powerful results at the same time.

They understand the real measure of a man’s fitness is his ability to “keep it together” under extreme pressure. And, more important, older PFOs understand there’s a thin red line between your comfort zone and the danger zone. See…

Contrary to popular belief, pain is not weakness leaving the body… meaning “no pain, no gain” is a mantra of diminishing returns… and… stepping outside your comfort zone can often lead your body to protest and work against you.

This is why PFOs never train to muscular failure. That’s an AFJ approach, and it can lead to some nice mass gains. But, it can also lead to repetitive strain syndrome, tendon flare ups, chronic soreness, aches and pains… and fractured technique, exposing weakness. Instead…

PFOs train to technical failure. They know that, in the field, technical failure can be the difference between life and death. And their training reflects that.

By shooting for technical failure (and never missing their mark) under incrementally increasing pressure, PFOs avoid entering the “danger zone”, instead expanding their comfort zone from the inside out. Studies show this is an easier and less tiring way of increasing strength and functional capacity of your muscles, and therefore a highly efficient method of training.

These three Power Principles are so simple, yet so game-changing, that any guy can use them to turn even the most ordinary exercises into body re-building machines…

And yet, it’s easy to apply these principles the wrong way… because, quite often, applying them the RIGHT way requires LESS effort, LESS speed, LESS intensity than you might imagine.

This is something most guys have a hard time wrapping their head around. And a hard time nailing down on their own after spending so much time in an AFJ kind of world.

Which is why I believe my Precision Fitness Operator System is so valuable.

It’s proof positive that…

Making the simple shift from Average Fitness Joe to Precision Fitness Operator with PFO-Sys:

Saving your body undue wear and tear… IF that’s what you want.

Anyway, there’s a good reason for you to be excited about all of this. You see, for years the only way to learn PFO-Sys was to contract me out privately… and it never came cheap. In fact…

Because Fight Camps and Spec Ops Units usually booked me solid.

These were often several days, to multiple week-long contracts costing thousands of dollars in billable hours, plus comped travel expenses, room and board.

And being a Vet, Professional Warriors always got priority over Civis. So the little downtime I had for teaching locally was extremely exclusive.

See, recently a publishing house warmed me over to the widespread demand for something like this. Turns out the head honcho over there is a total badass… a real life Ninja.

With extensive studies in Bujinkan and other martial and fitness disciplines he travels the world as a writer and anthropologist…

…digging up some of the most effective health secrets known to man and sharing them with his readers.

With his kind of reach, I could connect with more guys than ever possible through private contracts alone. Obviously, that has economic and logistic benefit. Or so he tells me.

Which is why I’ve made a publishing deal: we could test this low cost offer in a few places, and if it does well we keep it on the market and go wide with it. If it doesn’t however…

That means, if you’re reading this message, the deal is still on. For now.

This is an unbelievably exciting package… designed you so don’t risk a single cent putting it to the test in your own home.

Here’s exactly what I’m giving you today:

It’s called the Warrior Zero Bodyweight Challenge. Check it out…

On my computer I have a “classified” folder named The Warrior Zero Project. It contains all of my research, tests, experiments and “top secret” programming.

The name stems from an attitude of self-reliance and survival… paired with an acknowledgment that the best comebacks start from ground zero.

Anyway, the heartbeat of every single piece of body re-building, combat conditioning advice in The Warrior Zero project is my Precision Fitness Operator System. And…

The foundation (and critical starting point) for learning, owning and mastering PFO-Sys is the Warrior Zero Bodyweight Challenge. And that’s what you’re getting your hands on today:

This is a PFOs bible… and now, it’s yours. Inside you’ll discover:

Most fitness gurus think it’s the WORST exercise in the world. Yet recent research confirms it may be the single most effective exercise to increase life expectancy. Plus…

Ask any Elite Operator, and they will tell you this exercise is MISSION CRITICAL.

The “Go-Muscle” secret of developing kinetic chains. (Bodybuilding athletes miss this critical training factor and suffer for it when called upon to use their “muscle” in the real world.)

The controversial power of “single rep cycling”. Ultimately, this will allow you to get more out of every workout, with less reps and without beating your body to shit.

— How to scale your training — safely and naturally — by deploying the same secret “symmetry” code Leonardo da Vinci used to create a perfectly balanced human in his famous Illustration “The Vitruvian Man”. (Ancient Greeks and Egyptians used it to design perfectly balanced works of structural art, and Bio-Mathematicians are now confirming this secret symmetry is encoded in living matter everywhere.)

— 3 “PFO Mission” Challenges. There are several weeks between challenges. And you can think of the weeks leading up to each challenge like reconnaissance — everything you’re doing is to put your mind and body in the best position to complete your Mission with flying colors. More…

You’ll know, in real time, whether or not you’re ready to “level up” or whether or not you’ve got a little more work to do before pushing your body beyond its limits and out into the danger zone.

This challenge system is a fire starter for guys who lack the motivation to stick to a training program.

And a whole bunch more…

These videos aren’t simple demonstrations the likes you’ll find on blogs or Youtube. They present a measured, “precision” approach to exercise that reveal:

Force transfer secrets… posture and alignment tricks… the overlooked power of ground reaction forces… selective tension… AND…

Why 99% of all Average Fitness Joes totally miss the boat when it comes to “ab” training.

3 priming switches all PFOs flip before each workout to make sure all systems are “go” for maximum gains. (Plus, one common switch AFJs flip that undermines the power in all their movements.)

The secret to freeing up a tight back almost instantly. (Sheds rust and stiffness — within minutes you’ll suddenly feel lighter and more energized than you might believe.)

The truth behind your body’s “linchpin joint”. (And why a simple positioning tweak can double — even triple — the power of every exercise you perform.)

The #1 exercise mistake Average Fitness Joes make that wreaks havoc on their knees.

The ultimate lazy guy’s exercise for strengthening muscles weakened and shut down by chronic sitting. (Plus, one simple adjustment to this drill that electrifies your core more than any set of sit ups and crunches will ever do.)

A seated movement that exposes “asymmetrical deficiencies” in your hips with just one rep. (These deficiencies are often the true source of a muscle ache or joint pain.)

How to get more mobility from any movement by changing the way you breath.

The vital coaching cues you can get from an inanimate household object that most clipboard-toting trainers will never tell you about. (And how it can correct dangerous — and painful — structural leaks within seconds.)

The Hollywood “Walk of Fame” secret to unlocking fully integrated, pressing power.

How to use the three-legged table test to determine whether or not your TRULY ready (and safe) to progress out to harder and harder pressing movements. (If there’s any “wiggle-wobble” here you know with 100% certainty you’ve got more work to do before moving any further.)

Why your shoulders determine the proper depth of push up for your body type. (And when chest-kissing the ground can set you up for a setback.)

A special 3-second, 3-point mental “checklist” for correcting your posture on the fly. (This is like hitting the reset button on your posture so that you maintain a safe, but powerful “exercise frame”, even when you’re bent over.)

A cadence secret most military guys know (instinctively) that helps your body draw power up from the ground, absorb and redirect shock like a spring.

The ancient “tribal trick” that accelerates your learning. (For many guys this is also a “short cut” to healthy knees, hips and lower back.)

The one “ab” exercise that melts away tension across your entire spine and strengthens your core in a way no plank could ever do. (Takes years off your body in just minutes a day.)

A sneaky little “recovery accelerator” technique. Deploy this post-workout to abate soreness, stiffness and restore muscle balance in a few short minutes.)

And many more PFO secrets that you’ve really got to feel to believe…

It’s like having me in the room with you, right by your side. I’ll coach you along with my student, Frank, as we move through each workout in real time.

You’ll quickly realize this isn’t BUD/S or some hardcore body-wrecking bootcamp insanity.

Instead, you’ll learn to use your body’s natural ability to load, absorb and redirect shock…

Turning simple movements into body-rebuilding machines and peak-performance-powerhouses…

While reinforcing your joints (saving them wear and tear)… and allowing your muscles to recover while in motion.

This keeps your muscles fresher longer… your metabolic fire churning… and your body operating as a single integrated unit.

Because I want to help you stack the odds of success even more in your favor…

Breathing is something you are always doing, whether you are paying attention to it or not.

Yet, learning how to pay better attention to and control your breath is an overlooked “nervous system hack” that can provide more powerful workouts, faster recovery, shots of instant energy and a wave of general stress relief.

Here’s some of what you’ll discover inside this module:

The one thing almost every new student does WRONG with their breathing during exercise that undermines their performance and increases risk of injury (plus an easy fix)…

A type of breathing that enhances the benefits of any exercises (bonus: it also helps rid the body of toxins, which can lead to faster weight loss)…

How to use your breathing to guide your training progress — instead of using reps, sets, resistance, or time (this is a wise alternative for anyone suffering exercise-induced pain)

How to use “geometric” breathing to expand your lung capacity and control your heart rate — this is especially important for resuming command of body functions when fear and stress stage a “military takeover”.

The ancient breathing technique that increases your antioxidant defense status (and combats oxidative stress) after hard training…

It also reduces the “fight-or-flight” response of the parasympathetic nervous system and could enhance vagal activity (which can reduce anxiety, anger, and inflammation)

A special kind of “explosive” breathing that energizes your entire body almost instantly… leaves you feeling amped, alert, and ready to tackle your workout.

How many times have you just wanted to throw in the towel and rattle off excuse after excuse as to why something can’t get done?

We’ve all been there. Yet there are times when if you do not accomplish the task at hand, it does not get done.

Getting your body into shape is one of those times. But, make no mistake… developing intestinal fortitude isn’t just about trying to be a “tough guy”.

Your Warrior Zero Intestinal Fortitude module goes beyond ��gut checks”. I’m not simply barking orders at you to “pick your sack up and keep moving…”

No. It’s more than that.

Intestinal Fortitude is about developing the kind of situational awareness and “streets smarts” that not only develops toughness, but wisdom.

Which is why, in Warrior Zero Intestinal Fortitude I’m going to reveal 10 things I learned in the Marines that are guaranteed to make you a better man.

You’ll learn about the mental toughness Marines are known for, and the physical endurances it helps them push through. Plus, you’ll discover:

Insights on Overcoming Adversity… How to develop Unshakeable Self-Confidence… How to Control Fear, Stress & Anxiety… The Ultimate Guide To Self Discipline… How To Harness the Power of Positive Self-Talk… and more…

I think you’ll really enjoy this module.

You’ve got enough to focus on with your Warrior Zero Bodyweight Challenge. You don’t need a bunch of restrictive diet rules to follow.

That’s why, your Warrior Zero Supportive Nutrition module is based on 10 PFO “Fueling Principles”.

Much like the PFO “Power Principles” that guide your workouts, these Fueling Principles give you the flexibility required to make eating for your health feel NORMAL…

…and not like some crazed fitness freak.

You’ll quickly get your head straight about eating clean and making the right food choices for reducing body inflammation, fueling your workouts, and aiding your recovery.

This is NOT a diet. But a set of principles you can apply to your lifestyle, no matter how busy your day is, or selective your taste buds.

Now, I’m going to tell you what this costs and how to secure your own copy in just a second. But, first we need to get very, very clear on something:

In fact, there are some guys I hope never find out about it. No joke.

This stuff isn’t for hot-headed, young bucks who think an “old dog” can’t teach them a few new tricks…

…or for the kind of guy whose endgame is being surrounded by gym-bros strutting around stiffly with inflated, puffy muscle, a dumbbell in one hand and a cell phone in the other…

…or even the kind of blood-pressure-popping psycho who would rather die under the bar than dump out of a rep.

So, I’m telling you now — don’t even think about trying this program unless:

1) You are serious about eliminating weakness and building combat-ready-conditioning at any age… and want an advantage over other men… so you can step up to the plate and be the man you’re needed to be…

2) You are willing to slow down and shift your focus from training like an Average Fitness Joe to training like a Precision Fitness Operator… so you can reprogram your nervous system and rewire your muscles for an almost unbelievable primal control and power… without killing yourself in the gym…

3) You are sick and tired of feeling soft, out of shape and always doubting yourself… sick and tired of workouts that make you feel like something is wrong with you… or simply sick and tired of watching other guys do the things you should be doing… but no longer can.

Still with me? Good. I’m damn proud of Warrior Zero and this outstanding package I’ve been able to put together for you on this page.

Given the chance, you’ll find it’s got more integrity and value than what you’ve probably come to expect from most things in the fitness world.

You’re getting EXACTLY what I teach all around the world. Not some watered down “lite” version of my system. But…

And you need to know this before you make your decision. See, this isn’t some put-on Hollywood production… with slick stage design and hired guns who model for a living to huff and puff half naked on screen. No.

You’re getting quality video instructionals and follow alongs, filmed in HD, in my private headquarters. It’s me and one of my actual students walking you through every last detail of how to train like a Precision Fitness Operator.

I’m also delivering everything to you digitally, so don’t expect a big brown box on your doorstep.

I’m doing this for two reasons: 1) this allows me to offer this special Warrior Zero package to you at a much lower price, since there are no shipping and manufacturing costs and… 2) this gives you the convenience of reading and watching the material at home and on the go, via smart tv, desktop, tablet and phone.

If you can get past these “flaws”, you’re good to go, because…

Look, a lot of guys are going to be miffed at me for sharing this secret training system with you… especially since you won’t be paying even part of what they had to shell out for even a single lesson.

But, it is what it is. I’ve come to realize just how many guys desperately need an alternative to the type of fitness the mainstream is trying to force-feed them.

They’ve spent too much time and money on gimmicks and false promises to justify spending even a dollar on something new… even if it’s a simple system that will change their lives. I get it.

Listen, I’m a Marine and an Eagle Scout, and I stake my reputation on my promises.

Perhaps, more important, I’m just a guy about to eclipse 50 with a body that’s been through the wringer — and I honestly want to share this incredible new program with you, and I don’t want you to worry about getting scammed or “taken for a ride” or anything like that.

It’s hard enough to find someone you can trust in general, even more so on the internet. The least I could do is make it as easy as possible for you to try it out, without any risk. Right?

Click the ‘add to cart’ button below, fill out and submit the secure order form on the next page and you get instant access to everything with your own personal account on my private server.

This price wouldn’t even buy you fifteen minutes of private time with me at my regular coaching fees. Yet for less than the price of dinner and a movie, you can own my training system for yourself… with this Warrior Zero package that reveals to you everything you’d learn in private sessions.

And you know what? I’m so confident you’ll see impressive results that I’ll put ALL the risk on myself with a 100% unconditional, money back your-prerogative-guarantee:

Here’s how it works: Order your personal copy of the Warrior Zero Bodyweight Challenge. Download all of the manuals and videos, or stream them from any of your devices, whichever you prefer.

Put the secrets you’ll find inside to the test.

Take a full 60 days, if you want.

This way you’re not rushed, and don’t have to worry about life getting in the way, or any other excuses guys make for themselves when facing a new challenge…

Notice the difference you feel in your muscles and joints as you’re training like a Precision Fitness Operator.

Notice the fit of your clothes now… the difference in the way you start to carry yourself, and the way the people around you respond… and take a good, long look at the new man you see staring back at you in the mirror.

If you decide at any point that you’d like to go back to training like an Average Fitness Joe, give up your physical advantage over other men, and settle for anything less than your body’s best…

Simply shoot an email over to support@thewarriorzeroproject.com and let me know. I’ll have customer care process your 100% guaranteed refund straight away. No hassle whatsoever. Your prerogative. It’s your body and I trust your judgement here.

And, you get to KEEP anything and everything you’ve downloaded. Consider it a gift for giving the Warrior Zero Bodyweight Challenge a “test drive”.

So now all that’s left is to ask yourself one final question…

Maybe you want to be more attractive to your wife… instead of looking (and feeling) like a crippled old man…

Maybe you want to build the kind of endurance and all-day-energy that makes it feel like your body is running on rocket fuel…

Maybe you simply want to build (and maintain) outstanding levels of conditioning and develop real muscular power and control with less time working out and without pounding your joints…

Only you know that. But, what I do know is, to a man — everyone of them who has become a part of The Warrior Zero Project — has never looked at fitness the same way again, and is a better man for it.

Remember: no matter what anyone says, you ALWAYS have a lot more fight left in you.

Here’s to proving them wrong.

I hope to see you on the other side, and look forward to hearing about your success.

Helder Gomes — United States Marine, International Combat Instructor, Head Coach NTC-HQ

WARNING: other guys might start asking you for advice when you train out in public. That’s ok. It’s a natural side effect of training like a Precision Fitness Operator. Embrace it. These guys, no matter how young or old, are ready for a paradigm shift. And they’re in need of a good, honorable man to lead them. Be that leader. Give them a few point pointers, if only the 3 “Power Principles” you’ve learned in this report. Then send them off in the right direction, and on the path to proving all their naysayers wrong and proving to themselves it is possible to eliminate weakness and build combat-ready conditioning at any age…

Siddle, Bruce. Sharpening the Warriors Edge: The Psychology & Science of Training. PPCT Research Publications. 1995.

Asken, Michael, and Christensen, Loren, and Grossman, Dave. Warrior Mindset. Human Factor Research Group. 2010.

Grossman, Dave, and Christensen, Loren. On Combat: The Psychology and Physiology of Deadly Conflict in War and in Peace. Warrior Science Publications. 2008.

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[brywrites]

Pining

Requested: The Reader is confident, cool - everything Reid isn’t. When she asks him out, he assumes she’s trying to be mean, and immediately rejects her, only to discover he’s completely mistaken. 

Pining: (verb) to yearn deeply, to suffer with longing.

That’s exactly what he feels. A deep longing, one that stings. He’s been pining after Y/N for ages now. She works alongside Agents Anderson and Sharp, assitsting the various BAU teams with their work, which means he doesn’t get to see her as often as he’d like. But god, when he does, that yearning hits him like a tidal wave, and he’s been drowning far too long.

Surely he’s not alone it the feeling though. Y/N is funny, witty, and confident. At any office party, she can be found in the middle of a conversation or telling a joke to a host of her colleagues. There’s a natural confidence she exudes, and that magnetic pull brings everyone into her orbit.

The good doctor is not immune to the effects of gravity.

Much to his surprise, she actually seems to enjoy talking with him. Weeks ago he discovered she had a love for all things superheroes and magic, much to the amusement and chagrin of Morgan, who listened to them ramble about it for nearly two hours.

“Don’t you two have work to do?” he asked, with mock annoyance.

“Now, Derek, I don’t recall Reid here asking that when you were discussing the office March Madness brackets in depth with me last week,” she replied. She winked, adding, “And if I remember correctly, we’re both still kicking your ass. That’s what you get for saying your alma mater would win it all.”

Morgan raised an eyebrow. “Oh that’s how it is? Tell me, when’s the last time Columbia won an NCAA championship?”

Y/N shrugged. “Couldn’t tell you. Maybe you should ask our eighty-two Nobel prizes.”

He loved that easy confidence she had, the way she could laugh and the whole room would found themselves smiling too. The way she could tease people like Morgan so easily, and yet her jokes never felt mean-spirited. Effortlessly cool, he’d fallen for her hard. Head over heels, tripping over his own feet.

By the time he realizes it, it’s too late. Far too late. A girl like that could never like him. There’s no way she’ll ever look at him the way he glances at her each time he knows her head is turned. It is a secret he guards with the utmost care. If she found out, he’d be devastated. The rejection isn’t something he thinks he could handle. In high school – even in college – he fell for girls like her. It always ended poorly, and while he can tell she’s far kinder than those of crushes past, he doesn’t think she’s that kind, kind enough to feign interest in someone like him.

Geek. Loser. Nerd. Freak.

He can’t stand the thought of words like that falling from her lips, followed by a sharp giggle, the kind meant to create a wound, not a smile. So he pines in silence.

But months pass, and there’s never any teasing or cruel laughter. Something very different comes from her mouth, when she perches on the edge of desk and grins at him. “Hey Reid, what are you doing Saturday?” she asks. He says he has no plans. “Well, how would you feel about taking me out to see that new Logan movie? I’ll buy the popcorn.”

He tilts his head, confused. “Like – with the team?”

“No, genius.” A hint of pink tinges her cheeks, the first time he’s ever seen her blush. She’s beautiful. “Like a date. A real date, you know?”

Oh. That’s what’s happening. The words alight a fire in his chest, and everything is painted red for a moment. He’s been tricked again. How could be so stupid as to fall for this once more? No, scratch that. He’s not falling for it this time. He’s done putting up with being the butt of the jokes.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” he exclaims. Y/N pulls away, startled. “How dumb do you think I am? A date? That’s really clever. Like I would ever go on a date with someone like you. I’m not giving you that satisfaction. Nice try.” He’s the one who laughs this time, a sound as sharp as a knife, looking right into her wide eyes as he does so.

“You could’ve just said no,” she whispers. Without saying another word, she jumps off of his desk and runs out of the room. Likely shocked by his unexpected answer. He turns around with a huff, trying to sift through the anger and betrayal he feels from her.

She decided to make fun of him, in the meanest possible way she could. She knows of his past failures in relationships, the bullies he faced in school, and she’s decided to throw all that trust in his face. Maybe it was a bet. Who would’ve put her up to it? Morgan? Anderson?

“Agent Reid? Do you know where Y/L/N is?” Gina Sharp has come over, carrying a stack of paperwork.

“Why are you asking me?” The question comes out a little too gruff, and Sharp frowns.

“Well, I mean, she said she was going to see you. To ask you out, I assume. She swore she was finally going to do it.”

Reid spins around in his chair to look at Sharp, his arms crossed and eyes narrowed. “So what? Were you involved in that? Does the whole office know she was trying to pull a prank on me?”

“A prank? Agent Reid, what on earth are you talking about? She said she was going to ask you on a date. God knows she’s had a crush on you for ages, she never shuts up about it when we’re together. I mean – she did already ask, didn’t she?”

He swallows hard, acutely aware of his heartbeat thudding in his ears. That can’t be right. That just can’t be right. There’s no way. “Wait – she – she was serious?” Sharp nods, and he bolts up from his chair, brushing past the agent as he runs down the hall, swearing under his breath.

She was serious. The girl of his dreams actually asked him out, and he thought it was a mean joke. If there’s a god, he prays it’s not too late to fix this.

The door to Garcia’s office opens, and when Y/N steps out he practically crashes into her. “There you are!” he cries. “I need to talk to you!”

She clenches her jaw and shoves her hands into the pockets of her cardigan. “I don’t really want to talk to you right now,” she says, her voice soft. This woman, this enchanting whirlwind of a person has never looked so vulnerable. And he knows that it’s his fault she seems so sad.

“Please, just hear me out. Y/N, I’m sorry for what I said. I thought you were joking. I – I thought it was just a mean prank. You know I haven’t had good experiences with romantic relationships, and I just never thought that someone like you would ever want to be with someone like me. That’s all. I’m really, really sorry. But I’ve liked you for so long, and nothing on this planet would make me happier than to go out with you. You have to believe that.”

“What I can’t believe is that you actually thought I was someone who would do something so mean! Reid, we’re friends! We’ve been friends, you know me better than most people do. I would never hurt you like that.”

“I know you wouldn’t,” he says, so desperate to get the words out that he trips over them as he tries to speak a mile-a-minute. “I know. But you’re so cool, and so confident. You’re everything I’m not – I’m weird and annoying and unattractive, and you liking me goes against all odds and all explanations. The math was never on my side, so I assumed the only possible outcome was that you weren’t genuine. I am sorry. Really.”

Logic has ruled his life, and all logic said his feelings would never be returned. He would be left pining until the end of his days. People like her don’t end up with people like him. When he ran the numbers, they didn’t add up. No theory ever led to a happy ending for him. It’s completely irrational. And yet, here she is.

She walks towards him, so close he could reach out and touch her. “I’m not some experiment, Spencer.” Her use of his first name sends a thrill down his spine. “I don’t fit into equations like that.”

“I know,” he murmurs. They stand in silence, and he can feel himself getting lost in her eyes. A rush of longing overtakes him, and forgetting where he is, he moves half a step closer. Another irrational thing, as he reaches to cup her cheek, to press his lips to hers in the way he has wanted to do for longer than he cares to count and just as they’re about to touch –

She steps back. Reid opens his eyes, dismayed, but finds her smirking at him, eyebrows raised. “Not so fast. I’m still mad at you.” Starting past him towards the bullpen, she turns around to add, “But I should be over it Saturday. In case you’d like to try again.” Before disappearing around the corner, she winks at him, and the air around him warms by ten degrees.

The promise of Saturday is enough to restore hope. Somehow, the most irrational thing in the world has happened to him, but he welcomes further paradigm shifts if it means that the universe has finally decided he’s allowed to be happy. Saturday is still three days away. Each time she glances his way, he can see it in her eyes, in every coy smile she gives him. Three days. She certainly intends for him to suffer with longing for the weekend to come.

He doesn’t mind pining. Not anymore, knowing that he won’t be lovesick much longer.

Saturday can’t come soon enough.

[whittlebaggett8]

10 viral math equations that stumped the internet, Defence Online

caption

A scene from “The Christmas Prince.”

source

Netflix

A viral math equation with two solutions confused Facebook users.

A seemingly simple math problem went viral on YouTube because of two different versions of the order of operations.

The way a teacher graded a Common Core math quiz caused a firestorm on Reddit.

Math comes naturally to some, but even simple equations remain baffling brainteasers to others.

These math equations went viral for being much more complicated than they seemed – or so simple that people got tripped up overthinking them.

Keep reading and try to figure out these 10 math problems that confused people across the internet.

This viral math question has two solutions.

caption

There are two correct answers.

source

Tomasina DiMatteo/Facebook

Spotted on The Daily Mail, the question was originally created by Go Tumble and shared on Wikr before taking off on Facebook and going viral.

There are two correct ways to solve it. The first way to find the solution is to add the equation, then combine the sum with that of the previous equation. The second solution involves multiplying the second number of the equation by the number you are adding to it. The correct answer could either be 40 or 96.

Here’s a full explanation of the answer.

This seemingly simple math problem racked up over five million views on YouTube.

caption

Which version of the order of operations?

source

MindYourDecisions/YouTube

The correct way to solve this problem is to use the modern interpretation of the order of operations, also known as PEMDAS or BODMAS:

Parentheses/Brackets

Exponents/Orders

Multiplication-Division

Addition-Subtraction

If same precedence, left to right

The correct answer is 9, but controversy ensued because the historical order of operations from before 1917 differs slightly. With that version of the rules, which is still taught in many schools, the answer would be 1.

Here’s a full explanation of the answer.

This Common Core math quiz caused a firestorm on Reddit.

caption

People were upset.

source

Cloakenn/Imgur

The first question asks the student to calculate 5 x 3 using repeated addition. The student wrote 5 + 5 + 5 = 15, and was marked wrong, with the teacher writing in the “correct” solution of 3 + 3 + 3 + 3 + 3 = 15.

The second question prompts the student to calculate 4 x 6 using an array. The student drew an array with six rows and four columns, getting the answer that 4 x 6 = 24. The teacher marked the question wrong again and drew in a nearly identical array of four rows and six columns.

“The idea that a student should be punished for recognizing and applying the fundamental truth of commutative multiplication in service of drilling in a completely arbitrary convention that they can easily learn when they need it 10 years later strikes me as borderline insane,” Andy Kiersz of Business Insider wrote.

Read the full explanation here.

This math problem from Singapore went viral in the US.

caption

When is Cheryl’s birthday?

source

Kennethjanwen/Facebook

Kenneth Kong, a television host in Singapore, shared a photo of this 5th grade-level math question in a since-deleted Facebook post, which was shared nearly 6,000 times.

In the logic puzzle, Cheryl gives her friends Albert and Bernard different clues as to when her birthday is out of a selection of dates. She tells Albert only the day and Bernard only the month of her birthday.

By making a table of the dates and using the process of elimination, one can determine that Cheryl’s birthday is July 16.

Read More: People are calling this SAT math question the ‘meanest test problem ever’ – see if you can solve it

It was later revealed that this problem wasn’t a regular test question used in Singapore classrooms. It was actually used in a contest as part of the Singapore and Asian Schools Math Olympiad (SASMO).

The New York Times published a detailed explanation of the solution, which you can read here.

This second grade math question stumped kids and their parents.

caption

It has an easy solution.

source

MindYourDecisions/YouTube

A UK mom tweeted this math problem in a since-deleted tweet saying “Have you seen this one? Year 2!!” It was then picked up by a Facebook page called Parents Against Primary Testing and media outlets like The Huffington Post.

Calculating the answer is simpler than it seems: 19 people getting off the train can be represented by -19, and 17 people getting on the train as +17.

-19 + 17 = 2, meaning that there was a net loss of two people. If there are 63 people on the train now, that means there were 65 to begin with.

That said, many are convinced the answer is 46.

Here’s a full explanation of the answer.

This question doesn’t actually involve math at all.

caption

Don’t be fooled.

source

via The Guardian

The Guardian pointed out the simple solution: turn the picture upside down and you’ll see that the numbers are in numerical order from 86 to 91.

You can read the full explanation here.

This word problem is a trick question.

caption

The wording tripped people up.

source

Quora

Nothing is actually missing here – it’s just deliberately confusing wording. It all adds up if you look at the total, not the debt owed.

Twitter user Mat Whitehead laid it out in a table to show that there’s not a missing $1 after all, which you can view here.

Read More: 15 tricky children’s test questions that stumped the internet

This math question from Vietnam isn’t that difficult, but extremely time consuming.

caption

It’s basic math.

source

VNEXPRESS

The challenge: use each digit 1-9 only once to fill in the snake and make the equation equal 66 (colons are division signs).

According to VNEXPRESS, this puzzle is meant for third graders. There’s no trick or complicated math necessary – finding the correct configuration of numbers comes down to trial and error and process of elimination.

Here’s a tip: it’s easier if you rewrite the snake as an equation and follow the order of operations.

Here’s a full explanation of the answer from The Guardian.

More than 50% of students at Harvard, MIT, and Princeton got this question wrong.

caption

Don’t trust your intuition.

source

INSIDER

It seems obvious that the answer is 10 cents, right? Wrong!

One dollar is only 90 cents more than 10 cents, not a full dollar more. The correct answer is five cents: $0.05 + $1.05 = $1.10.

Here’s a full explanation of the answer.

Allegedly, only one out of 10 people could ace his math quiz without a calculator.

caption

Mental math.

source

Bruce Boyena/Playbuzz

No calculator? No problem. The easiest way to go about solving this without a calculator is to round the numbers up or down to multiples of five, estimate the answer, and choose the option closest to your estimate.

Here’s a full rundown on how to do it.

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