#the maine are 3 out my top 5 songs

[ittyybittybaker]

2, 4, 24 and 42 for the Spotify wrapped game!

2.) Blame - The Maine [x]

4.) Loved You A Little - The Maine ft. Taking Back Sunday and Charlotte Sands

42.) Meltdown - Niall Horan [x]

Spotify Wrapped Ask Game

[chisatowo]

I feel so bad for not rly strongly liking. Literally a single morfonica song. I'm so sorry guys </3

[minisugakoobies]

It's You - Choi San | 3 AM

Pairing: San x Reader Genre: smut, crack, fluff, angst, roommates to lovers, BFF’s Lil Bro!AU Series Rating: M (18+) Drabble Warnings: sneaking around, sloppy making out, lots of cuddling and kissing, honestly this is super soft, drunk San is a whole different type of menace, a little angst on OC's part, pet names deployed as weapons (baby) Word Count: 2.1k Disclaimers: SFW, obviously I don’t own ATZ - they just inspire me

Summary: He was only supposed to be a temporary roommate. Your best friend’s little brother, crashing on your couch for a few weeks. That’s it. How did this happen?

A/N: This started with talking about drunk San with @minttangerines and @kiestrokes, and then @moni-logues made me miss this couple, so boom! New vignette! I should warn you that I wrote this over the course of 2 days, entirely between the hours of midnight and 5 am because I've been staying up wayyyy too late to watch the Coachella livestreams (can we talk about Chellateez?! because holy shit!), so it's probably a mess and it's unbeta'd, so… blame any typos or incoherency on my fucked up sleep schedule! 🥱

Lyrics are from "Moondance" by Van Morrison, inspired by that one toktoq of San singing that song, which absolutely killed me.

Taglist is open! Reblog, comment, or send me an ask to be added! You can also send me any ideas/thoughts you might have for a future scenario - who knows, it might end up in a drabble! 💕

It’s You Masterlist 🐈‍⬛ ATZ Masterlist 🐈‍⬛ Main Masterlist

It’s three in the morning, and you’re wide awake, at your desk, working frantically on an article whose deadline is mere hours away. For not the first time tonight, you curse your natural inclination towards procrastination and scrub your hand down your face, wishing you’d chosen a different career. 

There’s some noise outside your door and you realize San must be home. He’d been down at the Blue Bird with Hongjoong, drinking and hanging out with Wooyoung as he bartended. From the way San’s shuffling around, it sounds like Woo had been his typical kind self and given San more generous pours than he should have. A loud “oof” resonates, and you hear the armchair scrape the floor a bit, as if he were setting it back in its place. You wince, hoping he didn’t wake his sister, who has an early shift and needs to be up at dawn.

“Noona. Nooooooona.” Tap tap tappity tap. “Are you up? I can see - I can see your light.” 

San raps on your door, calling out to you in a voice that’s hushed but maybe not quite as quiet as he thinks it is. From his spot on your bed, Nero lifts his head off his paws at the sound, then blinks at you with his bright green eyes. 

“I know. He’s loud as fuck, isn’t he?” With a cluck of your tongue, you quickly hop up and open the door. San must’ve been leaning against it, because suddenly you’ve got a mountain on top of you, a loose-limbed one at that, eagerly but clumsily wrapping its arms around you. “San!” 

“Hiiiii,” San coos into your shoulder, where he’s buried his face. You shudder slightly as his breath tickles your skin exposed by the tank top you wear, and stagger away from the door enough to close it quietly as you can, not an easy task to do given the giant mass of man hanging his dead weight on you. 

“You know, your sister is sleeping just on the other side of this wall,” you remind him, but he doesn’t respond, too busy lathering the column of your neck with tiny kisses. “San. Come on, sit down.” 

With some stumbling from San and a not insignificant effort on your part, the two of you make it over to your bed. Your attempt at coaxing San into a sitting position fails miserably as he promptly splays on his back, pulling you on top of him. Nero hops off the bed in a huff. 

You go down like a sack of flour, not a gram of gracefulness in your fall, but San appears not to notice when your chin bounces off his sternum or your knee rams his thigh. He sighs contentedly, wrapping his arms around your back, tucking you against him.

“Mmmm. So nice,” he murmurs, resting his cheek against the top of your head. 

It’s three in the morning, and you need to finish this damn article. Except that right now, your body is telling you that what you really need is to stay exactly where you are. Because the minute the warmth of San’s embrace surrounded you, your stress melted away. The steady rise and fall of his chest calms you, makes your own breathing slow. You close your eyes, nestling closer to him, sliding your own arms around his waist. You could so easily fall asleep like this. 

But he can’t sleep here. 

“San. San, are you awake?” 

“I’m awake,” he replies, but with closed eyes, which doesn’t really give you a lot of confidence in his response. “I am,” he insists when you shake him, rolling his head away, but he still doesn’t look at you.

“Don’t fall asleep,” you warn him sternly. “I mean it!” 

San smiles, the one that tells you that he knows you’re going to give in to him, which is the smile you tend to see him flash the most often, because you’re weak for him and always giving in. But this isn’t one of those times when you can indulge him. No matter how much you want to. 

“Wish you’d come to the bar tonight. Wanted you there.” 

You knew that. He’d told you as much when he’d texted earlier. Unfortunately, you had to turn him down for the sake of remaining gainfully employed. He’d tried to convince you otherwise at first but finally said he understood. And then sent you a series of sad selfies, each one more pathetic than the last, lips puffing to an extreme. Because he understands the power that pout holds over you.

It’s embarrassing how bad you’re down for this man.

San’s fingers dance idly down your spine, and you sigh, eyes slipping shut again as you speak. “Believe me, I would’ve rather been there with you.” 

He hums, fingertips quickening their light minuet. He mumbles something into your hair, low and unintelligible from the way his lips are smushed against your head, so it takes you a few seconds to realize he’s not talking, he’s singing. 

“... marvelous night for a moondance, with the stars up above in your eyes…” 

“San,” you begin, but before you can warn him not to get any louder, he does so anyway, raising his beautiful voice a little, starting to get into it. 

“A fantabulous night to make romance, 'neath the cover of October skies…”

“Shhh!” Your shushing is cut short by your giggling, as you clap a hand over San’s mouth. “Oh my god, now is not the time for this!” 

This is one of San’s more notable habits - when a song gets stuck in his head, you’ll hear him singing it for days, just walking around the apartment humming the melody or, if he has an audience, belting out the lines. He knows how much you love his sweet tenor. Another fact about you he’s filed away to devastate you with at the most opportune times.

Like when you need to kick him out of your bed. 

He continues singing despite your hand pressing on his lips, slurring the words directly into your palm. His eyebrows are working overtime, top half of his face playfully conveying whatever lyrics are being smothered against your skin. He’s so ridiculous, so over-the-top, even at three in the morning when anyone else would be exhausted, like you felt before he walked into your room, since his energy is infectious and perked you up better than the multiple cups of coffee you downed in your desperate attempt to stay awake. That’s San for you - he’s always giving you something when you need it - his time, his help, his energy. 

So you decide to give him something back, and replace your hand with your mouth, drawing him into a tender kiss, imbuing it with all those things you feel but never say. His muffled singing becomes a hum becomes a moan, at first surprised, then pleased. One of his hands drops to your thigh and with a bit of urgent tugging, he maneuvers you on top of him, chest pressed to chest.

His kissing is only the slightest bit sloppier when he’s been drinking, wetter from his tongue caressing yours with somewhat less skill than usual, but it’s never bothered you. You like seeing this side of him, looser with his inhibitions, with whatever holds him in place - or holds him back. One day you’ll ask him to show you more, when you’re both sober. 

And when things are different. Less… ambiguous between the two of you. 

If you reach that point. 

“Noona.” San whispers, thankfully pulling you from the heavier thoughts threatening to sink you right out of the moment. You open your eyes to look at him as he pecks your cheeks.  “I like kissing you.” 

You grin, letting your forehead knock against his. “Yeah, I kinda noticed.” 

“Aren’t you going to say it back?” The look he gives you would melt the hardest of hearts. This is why you’re not afraid to be needy with San. There’s no reason to be, not when he’s just the same. 

“I like kissing you too,” you declare, kissing the tip of his nose, laughing at the way his eyes cross as he follows your lips. “But now’s not the time for that, either.” 

“Then what time is it?”

Laughing, you gently guide him into a sitting position, keeping your arms looped over his shoulders. His lust is morphing into sleepiness, eyelids drooping as he gazes at you, and your heart goes so soft at the sight of him. 

“It’s time for you to go to bed.” 

“Okay,” he chirps, immediately flopping onto his back again. 

“Ohhhh no, not here. You gotta go. I still have to finish my work, and you…” The words stick in your throat. You can’t be here. You don’t want to say them. You want him to be here. Tonight, and tomorrow, and on and on. 

But that’s a conversation for another time. Not three in the morning.

“You have to go,” you groan, sliding off the bed and grabbing his arms, less gentle and more insistent this time. “Come on, get up!” 

San lets out a whine of protest. “But baby, why can’t I stay here?” 

Oh, he would drop a ‘baby’ now, slipping it in so casually, so naturally, like there’s nothing unusual about him calling you that. As if it’s not something new he only started doing the other day, happening maybe a handful of times since. 

Since the two of you have been doing this undefined thing, there’s really only been one unspoken rule. You sleep in your bed, and he sleeps on the couch. Even on the nights when Haneul’s working the late shift, or she’s over at Jongho’s. You never know if she’ll come home early, so you don’t risk it. It’s just easier this way.

Doesn’t mean you like it, though. 

“Because. If Haneul catches you coming out of here - “

The sound of a door opening makes you freeze right down to your tongue, leaving your sentence unfinished. Your head swivels towards your own door. A pair of feet pad down the hall, getting closer, then fading away, until you hear another door being closed. The bathroom. 

“Noona.” 

You turn to find a sober-looking San staring at you. He reaches out, hands settling on your hips, holding on to you as you stand between his legs. Clinging again. 

“She’s in early today, right?” 

The two of you probably know Haneul’s schedule better than she does. You nod.

“Then I’ll just stay in here. She’ll think I never came home.” 

He makes it sound so simple. So reasonable. He’ll stay here until she leaves. Why didn’t you think of that? Is it because you don’t like thinking of San with someone else, even if said person is an imaginary person who exists solely to provide an excuse that will allow you to get what you want? And if you get what you want now, it’s only going to hurt more when you can’t have it anymore?

Yeah, that’s probably it. 

“I don’t know…” you bite your lip.

“Come on,” he wheedles, drawing you into his lap again, cupping your face with both hands. “Let me stay with you. Don’t you want me?” 

And there it goes, the last remaining bit of your resistance. 

“Okay.”

San seems a little shocked, face lighting up in delight, and you wonder if it’s at how quickly you agreed, or that you agreed at all. Maybe both.

“But we have to be quiet. So, you know…” You trail off, gesturing wordlessly. 

“No moondancing?” He emphasizes the word heavily, lifting a brow, and you roll your eyes but grin as well.

“Right, none of that.”

“Just cuddles?” 

As if he needs to ask. You nod. “But I’m not coming to bed until I finish my work.” You reclaim your seat at your desk, folding your arms over the back of it, trying to give the appearance of someone with a solid backbone, since yours is apparently made of pudding. 

“That’s okay,” San says, already tugging his shirt off, then his pants, until he’s only in his boxer briefs. He peels back your comforter, sliding into the soft sheets, and again the action is so natural, so normal, like he does this every night, that something in your chest constricts. “I’ll just wait for you.” 

Your first thought is that you should inform him that he’s going to be waiting a while, but then again, maybe he won’t. 

You’re feeling suddenly inspired. 

(It’s three in the morning, and you’re falling in love.)

If you liked this fic, please consider reblogging! Likes do not help it get seen by other readers. 💕

Taglist: @sweetnspicy-noona @krystal-a @jennylychee @hiefisch

© 2023-24 by minisugakoobies. Crossposted to AO3. Please do not copy or repost. I do not allow translations of my work.

[covetyou]

the best of the world in the palm of our hands

part 1 ⋆ part 2 ⋆ part 3 ⋆ part 4 ⋆ part 5

ao3 ⋆ main masterlist ⋆ series masterlist

pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader rating: Explicit (18+ only!) chapter warnings: dub con (reader is paying a debt), pussy spanking, unprotected PIV, fingering, oral (f receiving), cumplay, anal play (blink and you'll miss it), derogatory names (slut), drug reference, unspecified age gap, joel miller is a massive slut word count: 4.9k chapter summary: You find a way to pay your fathers debts

A/N: pussy spanking! lets go! you know the old saying, open mind open legs.

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song: damage gets done by Hozier

Your dad had been rationing his pain meds for months, barely taking one every two days now that the world had gone to shit and they were so much harder to come by - and so much more expensive as a result. Lean times were made leaner still by missed shifts and slow work, which meant for even fewer pills to ration out.

Eventually, you would listen, night after night, as he groaned and writhed in pain, meds long gone. Nights like that meant another missed shift, fewer ration cards, and the ever looming threat of debtors coming to collect on what was theirs.

That was the situation that had brought you here, to his door. Desperation, and a debt needing to be paid.

Your knock on the door sounds sharp in the silence of the hallway. You're in a "nicer" part of the QZ - the apartment block cleaner and less crammed full of bodies than others. Here there are fewer people to care, fewer people to see. Fewer people to hear you scream.

The door in front of you suddenly flies open and you wretch you head around, straightening your back. You'd told yourself you'd play it cool, but already you were failing.

Joel Miller, self appointed pharmacist, medication supplier, drug dealer, stands before you. He's tall and broad, taking up almost the entire doorway as he rests one hand on top of the frame. He ticks one hip to the side and tucks his fingers through his belt loops.

You'd seen him from a distance, people pointing with whispers of "that's him", but never up close. Flecks of gray dance around the scruff on his jaw, his dark brown eyes wrinkling as he assesses you. The firm expanse of him so much more intimidating from this distance, you square yourself before you speak.

"I -" you begin, but he immediately cuts you off.

"I don't do business in the hallway," he drawls. "This is business, right?" he quirks a dark eyebrow at you.

You nod, all words snatched from your brain. You'd never heard him before - his southern drawl sounding cocky as he sizes you up, standing meek and mild in the corridor.

"S'always business. Come in then, sweetheart," he says, barely moving his body from blocking the doorway for you to squeeze past him. You push yourself against the door frame as much as possible so you don't drag your body along his.

The living room of his apartment is bigger than the entire place you share with your father. As far as you can tell, Joel lives here alone.

The door slams shut behind you, and heavy footsteps walk past you. Joel picks up a bottle and a single glass, pouring himself two fingers of whisky before setting the bottle back down and taking a sip. You knew you would be vulnerable, coming here alone, but you hadn't taken into account feeling trapped.

"So, what y'here for?"

"M-my dad, he's -"

"I know who your dad is, sweetheart. Seen you together. He owes me. Ain't heard from him in a few weeks. I asked what you're here for, not about your dad."

"Yeah," you nod, trying to feign confidence, "Yeah well, that's why I'm here. He needs more medicine."

"What I gave him weren't medicine, it ain't fixin' shit. I gave him pain relief. That's it."

"Well, he needs more. He's out, and he's hurting, and he can't work - " you ramble, but he cuts you off again.

"Now, sweetheart," he raises a finger to stop you. "I don't see why I should be giving you, or him, anythin'. I owe you nothin', and from where I'm standing, you're the one who owes me. Two weeks worth, right?"

Your eyes go wide. You were hoping he'd make it easier than this - go easy on you because you were a girl and you were here alone. You were hoping to play on his heartstrings, but you were starting to realise that maybe he didn't have one.

His glass thunks down on the table.

He circles you like a predator circles its prey, looking you up and down, assessing for weakness. You stare straight ahead, unwavering as possible.

He stops in front of you, tall and foreboding, before tilting your chin up with a single finger.

"You got the cards for that?"

You shake your head no.

He clicks his tongue, smiles, and says, "That's a damn shame". You have a feeling he doesn't think that at all.

"Dad's been hurting too much, he can't work, we haven't been able to get the cards, I've been trying I - "

"Looks like you'll have to do then," he shrugs, crossing his arms across his broad chest as he leans back against his dining table. "Show me what you can pay me with."

You'd never done this before - well, that was a bit of a lie. You'd done something like this, once, before, with someone else, someone different, someone who probably couldn't hurt you in the ways the massive figure of Joel Miller could hurt you.

You take two small steps toward him, and move to lower to your knees - you'd heard men like him accepted this mode of "payment" all the time - but he grabs your arm in one giant hand before you can make your descent.

You balk at him, "Wha - "

"I don't want a half-hearted blow job, sweetheart," he licks his lips and his thick fingers tug at the hem of your too big t-shirt. "Why don't you take this off. Show me what you can pay me with."

The implication was clear - he didn't want anything you could give him, but you had plenty he could take. Your breath hitches, but you don't let yourself hesitate for long.

Swallowing thickly, you yank your t-shirt over your head and dump it on the floor beside you in one swift action. You're painfully aware that your bra is the least flattering thing you could possibly be wearing - it's soft and old and entirely shapeless, but you weren't expecting to be stripping off for him. You shouldn't even care what he thinks of you but it'd been so long since anyone had seen your bare skin that even this twisted exchange felt like you should've made more of an effort.

You stare directly ahead, not daring to meet his eyes as heat flares in your cheeks. He stalks back to the table and picks up his whisky. You watch him raise it to his lips before he notices you looking. You haven't moved.

He's on you in an instant, grabbing your face, squeezing your cheeks with force as he directs your eyes to his. The heat still burns through your face, but you feel it start to snake traitorously down your spine.

"I said, show me or do you want me to fuckin' rip the rest off you."

Nodding, you scramble to remove the rest of your clothing. It's not sexy, why fucking would it be, and you fumble with the buttons on your pants longer than you'd like, but eventually you're stood entirely nude for him in his apartment.

A puff of air huffs out if his nose and his face twitches as he appraises you like some kind of show cattle. You don't know if he likes what he sees, but that traitorous drip of warmth down your spine hopes that he does. You can trick yourself into thinking it's because he might go easier on you if he likes you, but the longer you stand there under his gaze the more you don't want him to go easy on you.

"You are a pretty thing," he says, rubbing the scruff of his beard. "I think you got just the thing I need to let your dad off the hook, don't you? Might even throw something else in to sweeten the deal if you're extra good." He strokes your hair, and you try to hold back a shudder of arousal. Maybe he'll think it's fear, and maybe it is. Maybe it's both.

"How's that sound?" he prompts as he laces his fingers through your hair and tugs.

You look at his face, his eyes are dark, darker than before, the way he's looking at you makes that traitorous drip into a flood. "Okay."

He wordlessly grunts as he tugs your hair some more and pushes you toward a door on the otherside of the room, making you walk ahead of him.

Even with his hand in your hair, guiding you, your feet move of their own accord. You want to object, refuse, but you can't. You want this. You want a man like Joel - big, protective, in control - to pay you any attention. Whatever the cost.

One final nudge of your head and you stumble into the room as he releases you.

His bedroom is sparse, as expected. Interior decor went to shit with the end of the world, and Joel didn't seem like the kind of man who would've cared about that before anyway.

You stand at the foot of his bed looking down at your toes as they bunch and un-bunch in the carpet. You hear him come in and close the door. If you weren't trapped before you definitely are now. You don't look up at him, you can't, so your eyes remain fixed at your feet when his step into view.

"You ready to get on the bed for me, sweetheart?" His hand strokes gently across the swell of your breast as he talks to you. It's the first time he's really touched you and the flood down your spine has now gathered into a slick pool between your legs.

You do as you're asked sitting on the edge of his bed, feeling even smaller now as he towers over you. You could have been 8 feet tall and still felt small and vulnerable in this moment, Joel Miller cascading above you fully clothed.

A large hand rests on your shoulder, a gentle pressure pushing you to fall back to the mattress below.

"You lay back now. Relax."

You try not to scoff but you can't help it.

"Ain't goin' to hurt you. What good would that do me. I like my customers alive."

You take a deep breath and try to steady yourself with your back flush to the mattress, looking at him as he still hulks above you. You can do this. He'll just... take what he wants. And you'll let him. Then you'll be on your way.

He's still standing above you as he directs you. "Good girl. Now open your legs for me. Lemme see."

You take another deep breathe, hold, and exhale, opening your legs for him just a fraction.

"I'm a patient man, sweetheart, but when I tell you to do something, you fuckin' do it," he growls as he kicks your legs open further. You spread them even wider, wanting to keep on his good side. You're completely exposed and bare for him now. Everything is on display and he still towers over you, looking down at your naked form on his bed.

"Fuckin' beautiful," you think you hear him mutter as he moves to a crouch between your spread thighs. You hold your breath, tensing and try not to clamp your legs shut at his inspection.

"I'm just lookin', sweetheart," Fingers rub calming circles over the softness of your thighs and your legs twitch.

"Keep your fuckin' legs spread," he says with a sharp slap to your thigh. Gasping at the shock, you push your legs to spread as wide as they can. You feel obscene, so open for him and his hand strokes the spot he'd just struck, soothing it.

You were beginning to see how this would go - do exactly as he said and he'd be gentle. Disobey, or be slow on the uptake (patient man my ass) and you'd soon feel the sting of punishment. The thought of that makes you clench around nothing, and you curse under your breath as it's surely now drawn attention to just how wet you are.

You stare up at his yellowed ceiling and hear a chuckle from between your legs - he definitely fucking knows. You don't dare to look down, you just want him to get on with it, until suddenly fingers come dangerously close to your sex and pull you apart, spreading your bare cunt even more for him.

"Well, you're a pretty little thing," he says to your pussy.

The fingers, his thumbs you realise, massage up and down the sides of you, avoiding any direct touch to your folds, but massaging the flesh in such a delicious way that you can't help but feel it right where you need it most.

Joel hums as he moves to his knees, getting closer to your spread cunt, still rubbing his thumbs up and down the sides of you, gradually moving closer and closer to the center of your sex until he's dragging the tips of both thumbs through your wetness and up to the sides of your clit.

You take another deep breath and try to muffle your whimpers with pursed lips, trying to hold back a moan.

"She's likin' that," you hear the amusement in his voice, "I wonder if she'll like this." He moves one of his slicked thumbs directly above your clit and begins to gently stroke. Your hips jerk, unsure if it's toward or away from the pressure of his thumb.

"Oh, she does," and he applies more pressure, circling torturously around your nub as his other hand continues to explore your folds in gentle strokes, parting your opening with two fingers occasionally to see the wetness gathering there, to see how ready for him you are.

"You ever touch yourself like this?" he's talking to you again now, not your cunt.

"N-no," you stutter, as his thumb keeps its languid pace on your clit.

"You don't touch yourself? Y'look well old enough to have done this before."

"No, I-I do, just... not. Not like this."

Joel hesitates for just a moment, fingers stilling, before continuing on. "You like it though." It's not a question. "Tell me how you touch yourself." That wasn't either.

"I don't - I. Fuck," you hiss. You try to relax your grip on the sheets, but his rough thumb on your clit is distractingly good. "I - rub," you pant out.

"With fingers?"

"No," you squeeze your eyes shut. You can't say you expected much from this visit, but telling a stranger how you get yourself off in the dark of the night definitely was not on your list.

"Againstapillow," you mumble, a soft moan being pulled from shortly after as he increases the frequency of his circles on your clit.

"So you're a sweet girl whose sweet pussy only knows soft things?" he hums in thought. "Anything ever been in here?" his index finger circles around your opening, slick now dribbling out of you and being spread around by his thick finger. You must glisten.

You gulp down a sigh. "I'm not a virgin, if that's what you're getting at."

"That's good," he chuckles. "Can't imagine you'd want your first to be like this. Of course a pretty little slut like you has had somethin' in here before." His finger circles more around your hole, barley dipping inside as his well practiced thumb swipes firmly over your swollen clit.

Two thick fingers suddenly plunge into your dripping cunt with ease, stretching you. You pull back with the shock, trying to shuffle up the bed and away at the sudden intrusion, pulling his fingers from you. His hands grip your thighs, anchoring you down and pulling you back toward him.

"Did I say you could fuckin' move?" You shake your head. You didn't even mean to move. It felt good, it shouldn't feel fucking good, you were just surprised.

slap

You hear it before you feel it - a wide hand colliding bluntly with your exposed cunt, sending a sharp stinging, buzzing sensation straight back up your spine. You think your brain shuts off entirely for a second before you gasp for air.

"I know you wanna be good for me. You wanna do right by your sick old dad, right? Help him out of a tough spot?"

His entire palm engulfs your mound with ease, covering you completely as he massages his fingers side to side, easing the sting and jerking your clit in a way that has you rolling your hips and biting back a moan.

"Try getting away again and I'll give your worse than that," you push your pelvis toward him at his words. You really try not to be obvious in your disappointment, you want to be good, but you want it. You want worse. And you know he knows. "But be a good girl and I'll give you exactly what you want. That's why you're here, ain't it?"

Before you can answer he delivers several quick light smacks to your bare pussy. Not hard enough to hurt, but hard enough send the vibrations through you and straight to your struck clit. He removes his hand to look at your quickly reddening pussy before returning to smack you some more. You gasp, trying desperately to keep still and not moan at the building sensation he's pulling from you - you shouldn't be enjoying any of it at all, let alone this, but fuck you are. There's nothing violent about the way his hand is striking your naked cunt, the light slaps against you turning you on, zinging through you like a tuning fork being tapped on a hard edge.

You hear another laugh from between your legs.

"You've only been givin' it to her soft, sweetheart, when she's just crying out to have it rough."

He spanks your pussy again, this time you can't help the moan that escapes you, your back arching into his quick slap slap slap against your cunt. The speed of his palm slows, but the force increases, drawing obscene noises from you with each blow.

"Uh," the breath huffs out of you with each firm smack to your swollen cunt.

His hand pulls off of you and he spreads you wide again before a warm wet sensation draws up from your fluttering hole to your tender clit in a broad stroke. He's soothing your pussy with soft licks when he latches onto your clit and suckles gently before pulling back to look up at you.

"I like 'em pink like this," he mumbles around your clit, "You're bein' so good takin' it for me."

He's holding your thighs obscenely wide as his tongue lathes your clit, wrenching you open as you wiggle beneath him. You are so close, on the absolute precipice and moments from tipping over the edge, when he pulls from you completely, spreading your cunt open with an his thumbs for inspection once more. The man fucking loves looking at you.

"Look at her twitchin'. I think she likes being spread wide for me, look how wet she is." He dives in for another broad lick, slurping as he goes.

"It's just dripping outa you," he breathes. You feel the warm trickle of wetness drip its well worn path from your pussy and down between the cleft of your cheeks. His finger trails it, and you take in a sharp pull of air when the pad of his finger strokes your tight asshole, spreading your slick across it and causing your legs to twitch closed a fraction once again.

slap. You feel the sting and its aftershocks buzz through you before you hear it. "Keep 'em," slap, "fuckin'," slap, "open!" He soothes your pussy with his full hand again and you moan into him, fisting the sheets at your sides.

"Won't go there today. But don't think I'll be feelin' so generous next time." Next time. He rubs and squeezes your pussy, and you rock your hips into his palm, desperate for more anything.

"You likin' this?" he murmurs, his words almost sounds tender -

- Until another slap rings against your bare sodden skin.

"Answer me."

"Y-Yes!" you gasp out with the next spank to your oversensitive cunt. "Yes, please - I - fuck - please I need to -" slap slap slap slap

Your mind goes blank as a series of slaps are delivered straight to your pussy. A groan is pulled deep from your chest and you spread your legs more for him, pushing into his palm as it rains its gentle smacks down onto you.

"You're goin' to come, ain't you?" he growls out, his smacks getting quicker.

You nod frantically, so fucking close, you shouldn't be so close from this but you are. You're just about to beg for something more, anything more, when the smacks against your pussy get even quicker, and quicker, until he's rubbing frantically at your clit, so swollen from his attention that you practically scream at the sensitivity.

Your orgasm tears through you, drawing a deep guttural sound right from your belly. Your back arches, your dripping hole so neglected as it grips around nothing.

"Fuck," he grinds out from below you, stuffing two fingers quickly into your pussy to feel you grip around them as you rock through your orgasm. You can't see him do it, white blaring across your vision, but you hear the hiss of his breath as he pulls his cock out from his pants.

You whine when he pulls his fingers from your cunt, stroking himself with the slickness of you. He stands and presses himself between your legs, hot and heavy.

"You want it here?" he says, grinding the heft of his cock against your spent cunt. "'Cause you're making a mess, drippin' all over my sheets without me to plug you up." You're in a daze as you nod, still floating from the intensity of your orgasm as you stare dumbstruck at his rock hard length for the first time. It's so big.

It's too big.

"W-wait, it's too bi- "

"Fuckin' look. Watch as I fuck this into you sweetheart," he growls as he feeds the tip of his cock into you anyway, the solid width of him stretching more than you have ever been before, but your wetness letting him slide right in. He fucks the tip in and out, and you watch him do it.

In previous years you'd had nothing more than clumsy fumbles with men, some drunken, but most just uncaring one night stands with promises of more. There was never more. One way or another you were being used, but this time, and for the first time, you could call it what it was. There was no illusion of care here as Joel took what he wanted and made you watch.

And you liked that. You liked being used by him. You liked letting him do anything he wanted to you.

"I want you to watch her swallow me darlin'. Keep your eyes right there," he pushes his hips forward, the pressure of him filling you immense, and he groans as your cunt gives way to him and swallows him whole. "There she goes. Such a good little pussy for me."

"Keep lookin'," he groans again as he retreats from you only to fuck his full length back inside of you in one swift movement, "You look or I send you out of here jus' like this. See how the locals treat a naked slut in broad daylight."

Your cunt pulses with the threat, and Joel notices. He cocks his brows at you, still relentlessly fucking into you. "Oh, she likes that. You like bein' a slut, huh?"

Fuck yes, you want to scream, but instead you nod meekly, still watching him fuck you, obsessed with the sight of his cock disappearing into you over and over again.

"Good fuckin' girl."

Never once does he lean down to steal a kiss, or swipe his tongue across your bare nipple. You're naked for him but he does nothing with it except pound into your flesh, using your cunt to get himself off. His eyes flit between where he's disappearing into you and your eyes, watching with a sneer as they roll back into your head with each knock to your cervix.

"Fuu-uuck." He's hammering into you now, hips smoothly pounding your pelvis, when he grabs one of your arms and flips you onto your side, pushing your knee up so high it's practically by your ear. He slams back into the hilt again, rocking you back as you moan out wantonly around his cock.

From this angle his cock drags across you in ways you've never felt. You'd seen trees being felled as a kid, a wedge being hammered into a cut far too small to fit. You felt like you were being split, just like those trees.

"Ah - uh, I, Joel, please, I -" tears are in your eyes from how good it feels, the dull throb of the impact into your cervix melting your insides.

Joel brings one of his legs up beside you on the bed, the other planted firmly on the floor, giving himself leverage to fuck so deep and hard into you that the air is knocked out of you for a moment. When you can finally take another breath, you're screaming for him, your pussy creaming around him from the endless pounding.

The sloppy wet sounds of your cunt accepting his battering over and over are eventually taken overby moans being ripped from your throat. His belt rattles about his waist with each smack of his hips into yours, you can feel the metal of his buckle, bitingly cold against your skin.

"That's it - fuck - you just fuckin' take - it. You take this cock." You can feel his balls draw up and his cock twitch inside you as he gets close to bursting. He fucks you relentlessly anyway, desperately holding back as long as he can, until he can hold no more.

He drags his cock sharply from your used cunt, throwing you back onto your back on his mattress. His large hand grips his cock and he jerks it over you.

"Oh fuck yeah, fuck yeah," he's practically chanting as he jerks himself, letting out a deep stuttery groan when he finally comes, spurting hot cum all over your soft thighs, belly, chest.

He doesn't aim, he doesn't care where he gets it, the action more akin to a dog pissing on a tree to mark its territory than anything else.

The only noise in the room when Joel's shoulders finally relax are your twin heavy breaths, punctuated by light whines that you just can't help. You're so overstimulated that when his hand comes down to your thigh, you don't realize that he's smearing his cum into you until he's rubbing it into your belly, spreading it across the peaks of your tits, up your neck and across your cheek.

He gives you a light tap on the face. "Look at me," he says, swiping a come coated finger across your lips. You're entirely fucked out, all you can do is look dumbly at him, totally cockdrunk.

"What do you say?"

"I... wha-..." you know what he means when he raises his eyebrows threateningly once again. "Th-thank you."

"That's right."

Suddenly he's yanking you up into a seated position and the blood rushes to your head. Another tug, the world spins, and you're on your feet, but you can barely trust your legs. He drags you from the room and before you know it your own clothes are in your arms, the remains of his come dribbling down your body.

"Get dressed," he stands with his arms crossed, looking at you, expectant.

You stare for a moment, totally lost in his dark eyes, before moving to get your clothes back on. You are still covered in his come, your pussy still buzzing from his spanking. At some point, he tucked his cock back into his pants. You didn't even notice, and you try to push down the disappointment of not getting to see it one last time.

Pulling your clothes back on with skin sticky from sweat and come isn't easy, but you eventually manage. When you stuff your feet into your shoes, he grabs you by the arm and drags you toward the door, unlatching it and pushing you toward the exit.

"I'll consider your debt paid," he murmurs into your hair from behind, pushing you out of his apartment a second later.

"Oh and, catch," he throws something to you but you miss, barely even turning in time at his words. It rattles as it hits the ground. Pills.

"Told you I'd give you something if you were good." Confirmation that you were good for him is all you need to feel another gush of wetness between your thighs. You feel like you could come again from his words and the rough feeling of your panties against your abused cunt.

"What do you say?" he asks again.

"Thank you."

He smirks before closing the door in your face.

You lick your lips as you walk away down the empty corridor tasting Joel Miller for the first time, pills in hand and debt paid.

He never even kissed you.

next part

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[icyg4l]

PAC: what should you put on your bucket list for the summer?

hello beautiful people! i am starting my summer 2024 series right now and i am so excited!!!! i wanted to bring something new to everyone so i am creating specialized playlists for each group. they consist of six songs i’ve channeled during your reading. i hope that the group you chose resonates. i also hope that you all book a reading with me! :)

without further ado, please select your pile.

top left-to-bottom right: (1-4)

PILE ONE:

this pile may be newly single or fresh to the dating scene as a whole. you seem introverted, maybe covid messed up your social skills? it’s time to bring some life back into you! i think the main message here is to be more open to exploration.

cards used: the tower, 10 of discs, king of swords, the star, queen of wands, the hanged man, princess of cups.

learn how to swim

flirt with a stranger at a festival/concert

ride as many amusement park rides as you can

go on a picnic date

join some type of organization, or maybe even create one!

be as comfortable in your skin as you can; even go skinny dipping or to a new beach (only if you’re of age though!!)

go to a metaphysical shop

go on a group/double date with your friends

PILE TWO:

i feel like you’re insecure and you’re trying to work on that. this is the best summer to do so. i feel like this pile gets easily embarrassed. spirit wants you to stop that lmao. i take it that you’re someone who’s probably a loner.

cards used: 9 of cups, queen of discs, ace of wands, 3 of cups, 8 of swords, 5 of wands

do as much shadow work as you can

take up a self-defense class/boxing class

jump off the diving board

conquer your fear of heights by bungee jumping or rock climbing

hypnosis therapy

wear your natural hair in different styles each day for a week (maybe longer 🙈)

embrace family traditions

spa day!

have/go to a bonfire

scrapbook!

PILE THREE:

these are my r&b loversss. i feel like you guys have some pipes on you lol. this pile is kind of goofy too. this pile has to be as free as possible. no relationships, no commitments of any kind (minus a job cause y’know the economy rn is 😔). but anyway, the point is to just relax.

cards used: 6 of discs, the devil, the magician, 2 of cups, wheel of fortune, the sun, princess of cups.

go to a skate park

host an event

meet a special someone at the bar

connect with an old friend

adopt a pet

create an alter ego for yourself and show up as that person

do a good deed for someone, pay it forward.

have a dance battle in public

obtain a FWB (be smart & use protection of course 🤫)

post on social media as much as possible

PILE FOUR:

i can tell this is the pile that likes to be organized. you like to have plans made out before the summer. that might not be the case this summer. focus on being a little more free and spontaneous. flexibility is key, babe. get out of freezeeeee mode.

cards used: 3 of cups, the hanged man, 5 of wands, queen of wands, king of swords, the star, knight of cups, ace of discs.

dye your hair red!

pass the bar exam (for those of you who are future lawyers)

receive a tarot reading from an in-person psychic

flirt a little at the grocery store

get dressed up to go to a department store/chain store

have a girls night in with ur girls!

build a fort!

change up your day-to-day makeup routine

record a song with your friends

[teenytinyjimin]

too sweet (k. namjoon)

i’d rather take my whiskey neat,

my coffee black and my bed at three

you’re too sweet for me,

you’re too sweet for me.

summary: in which kim namjoon is their husband. nothing more, nothing less. their beautiful, delightful, wonderful husband.

pairing: namjoon x reader

word count: 1.1k

tags: genderless main character, get over it. domestic!joon, incredibly loving!joon, domestic fluff for sure, marriage!au

warnings: none, maybe some strong/sexual language here and there

author’s note: this hozier song makes me think of domestic 9-to-5 namjoon so hardcore it’s painful </3 pls enjoy

── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ ──

“Shit,” Namjoon breathes out, throwing his head back and running his hands through his hair. It wasn’t uncommon that he found himself overwhelmed by his workload, but when these times came, they were unpleasant nonetheless. His impeccable work ethic and work mentality was something truly admirable because he would often get through these moments with ease, but even he himself could admit that it was sometimes too much to handle.

He stared blankly at the computer screen in front of him. His brilliant mind had unfortunately started an automatic system shutdown, so there was no way that he’d be able to finish what he was working on today. Glancing at the clock on the wall in front of him, which read 10:23pm, he sighed. Yep, it’s not going to happen. He was more than happy with admitting defeat and engulfing himself into the arms of his waiting spouse.

As he wandered out of his home office and into the living room, he saw his partner sat on the couch, cuddled up in blankets and focused on the movie they were watching on the tv. He approached the couch and took his spot next to them, manspreading and unbuttoning the top button of his shirt in the process.

“You’re done early,” His partner said softly, bringing a hand to his hair and brushing it adoringly. Namjoon sighed, closing his eyes and allowing himself to melt under his spouse’s touch. “Didn’t finish. Was too much.”

“Oh. ‘M sorry,” They frowned in response. “Let me go get you something to drink. What sounds good love?” Namjoon looked over to his partner, his eyes glazed with adoration. That was something he’d always love about them - they knew how to make him feel loved and appreciated through the small things. “Would you make me some tea, darling? The way you make it?” He asks softly, bringing a hand to their cheek to trace it gently. “I love the way you make it.”

A blush crept to his lover’s cheeks as they shyly nodded. Years of marriage down the road and Namjoon never failed to make them absolutely swoon over him. It was the Namjoon charm, a blessing and a curse all at the same time. They pressed a soft kiss to his temple before standing up and heading over to the kitchen to start boiling the water.

“What are you watching?” Namjoon calls from the couch. The truth is that he hasn’t yet looked at the television screen because the only thing he wants to look at is his breathtaking partner. The partner that he was lucky enough to marry, so was damn well going to take advantage of his luck by looking at them as much as humanely possible.

“Oh, just some animal documentary. I was trying to find something that I could fall asleep to just in case you were working extra late.” They called back in response. “Love, is decaf okay for you? Wanna make sure that you sleep well tonight.”

“Mm. Decaf is perfect. Thank you for looking out for me, dear.” At this point, Namjoon had moved from his spot on the couch to right behind his partner in the kitchen and snaked his strong arms around their waist. Resting his head on their shoulder, he closed his eyes and let out a hum. “You’re the best.”

“Is this why you married me?” They responded, letting out a small giggle. “For my tea-making abilities?”

Namjoon pulled back slightly, enough to where he could gently spin his lover around to face him. He rolled his eyes and shrugged dramatically. “Maybe a little bit. But also because you’re impossibly beautiful. And extreeemely sexy…” He trailed off, burying his face into their neck and letting his big hands start to roam.

“Kim Namjoon!” They scolded with a laugh, playfully pushing him off of them. “Stop it. Let me make your tea.” While they absolutely loved the feeling of their husband being all over them, they weren’t necessarily in the mood to entertain it. Let’s be honest, it’s almost eleven at night and they would’ve been asleep had it not been for Namjoon giving up on his work for the night.

“Oh right, you were making tea for me. Sorry, got a little distracted,” Namjoon joked, earning a playful swat from his partner. Allowing them to have a little space to do what they needed to do to make the tea, he backed off a little and decided to lean against the counter. “You know I love you, right?”

“You tell me every day. Multiple times a day,” They hum in response pulling out a spoon to stir the tea. “And I love you too, Joon.” Hearing the words come out of their mouth was music to his ears. A dimpled smile crept onto his face as he shyly looked away. “Jokes aside, I’m not sure what I’d do without you.”

“Probably be some boring, disgruntled businessman. I keep you from being an absolute robot,” His lover reminds him without missing a beat. “Not to boost my ego or anything.”

“No no, you’re right. Without you I’d probably be nothing except for my work.” With a smile on their face, they hand Namjoon the cup of tea and he smiles in return, leaning down to press a gentle kiss to their lips. “I know I already said this, but you’re the best.”

“I know I am,” They joked, reaching up to steal a second kiss from their husband. “Let me know if it’s missing anything. I tried to make it with extra love but got a little distracted so I might’ve missed something.”

Namjoon smiles softly as he takes a grateful sip of the tea. He stands in silence for a second as he ponders the taste of the tea, but very quickly comes back with a verdict. “It’s absolutely perfect. Just like you.”

“Good.” His lover blushes, satisfied with his reply. “Well, the least you could do is give me an extra kiss for my troubles.”

He raises an eyebrow as a smirk creeps to his face. “I’m not sure you wanna do that, darling. You know I’m more than capable of absolutely drowning you in my kisses.”

His spouse turns around, back facing him, and shrugs. “Maybe that’s what I want…” They trail off, beginning to walk away from him. Practically throwing his cup of tea onto the counter, Namjoon reaches out and grabs his partner back, pulling them into his arms and kissing them over and over.

As the night comes to an end in the Kim household, all that can be heard is a chorus of laughter coming from a married couple that never truly left the honeymoon stage.

[respectthepetty]

Pride Petty Watch (SOTUS) 3/5

I'm making my way through the blacklisted shows I was supposed to watch during Pride. I already watched Love in the Air but paused The Untamed so I could deal with my sworn enemy, SOTUS. I'm watching it in five parts (first, second), so now I'm starting on episode seven and have decided 1) Kongpob x M are the perfect ghost ship, 2) this show feels much older than 2016 due to the language and style, and 3) this is a story of a masochistic dom looking for a sado sub.

Since I can't remember anything about this show, I'm actually excited to see all the ways Kong seeks out punishment warmth from P'Oon in the second half of this series.

Prem and Wad aren't going to be a couple, are they? I want them to be because Prem going instantly soft after they fought another faculty together and now being worried about Wad's wounds is the whole purpose for men to fight! Punch each other, then kiss the bruises!

I have no Photoshop skills, so I would never criticize someone else's work, but there are times when I see that this show was made with a budget consisting of two pennies rubbed together, and this is one of those moments because who added those people into the scene?! And why are they layered ON TOP of each other?!

For the people who hated Tae and Mee in The Trainee and the sports day episode in The On1y One, those people would be pissed watching episode seven of SOTUS because it's focused on the hets, capturing the flag, and nothing else. Someone could've at least passed out on that field, so this could be entertaining for me and the juniors, damn.

The man who played Deer has only acted in one other show, and I'm mad about it. The fact that a senior has to be on that field to answer these ridiculous questions from the freshmen is nonsense, but at least I get to see this man with his gorgeous hair.

Arthit says everything to Kong in the gayest way possible in front of all his homies and God without any sense of irony.

And Kong matches that energy every damn time! I'm already sick of them.

Forming a circle around Arthit to say thanks is kinda creepy to me, which is why it makes perfect sense that this was Kong's idea since these two continue to declare their love for each other indirectly while making everyone within two miles witness.

But this moment reminded me of Lisa's "Rockstar" music video, so Thailand stays consistent.

Kong is begging to be punished! Asking Arthit if anyone else knows he cries and likes pink milk is not small talk, and I know Kong just wants to feel like the most special boy for knowing all of this, but I also fully believe he wants Arthit to slap him.

M came on this trip so he could make heart eyes at Kong, and I will not be convinced otherwise. If I forget May exists, my ship is untouchable. M loves Kong, and it's canon to me.

Arthit is a Ken! He made all the boys go out to the water, so he could make the girls listen to him play a song on the beach. Someone needs to ask Greta Gerwig if she has watched SOTUS. Greta, if you're in the room with us right now, blink twice.

"If I tell you to die, will you do it?" YES! What the hell do you think this kid has been trying to tell you?! He wants you to choke him? He wants you to slap him? He has been instigating a fight with you since the first day because he wants your hands on him in the most violent ways. Baby is a masochist and needs to be kept!

I stand by the claim I made in an earlier post that the crew doesn't seem to like Krist because these title cards in-between parts of the episode do him sooooo dirty. There is no need for this to be the image, but here we are. This is rude.

I could never hate M. He is so kind and so dumb. I love those qualities in men.

And I love these qualities in women! (Sidenote: Let Jan kiss more homies, GMMTV!)

GMMTV's 2024 Outing, is that you player?

Since Love Sick and Addicted Heroin have been remade, when SOTUS is remade, M and Kong should be the main couple, and May should ship them while also trying to date Prae. Friends-to-Lovers, fifteen episodes, and make New and Singto play the characters again.

This is the biggest "hell nah" from me because I would not have that many people WALKING ON ME barefoot as some form of initiation. Walking on people is reserved for sex stuff! Just walking on people to walk on people is not normal, and should stop immediately!

I can see the wheels spinning in Arthit's head, but the pieces are not connecting for him. Your man likes when you yell at him. Kong likes when you get upset at him. The kid likes pushing your buttons because then he gets all your attention. Now say it with me, "Kong is a masochist"

Kong is practically begging to be slapped, and if Arthit doesn't do it soon, I will.

This scene hit me so hard I had to pause because it woke me up like I was sleeper agent. I NOW REMEMBER THIS SHOW! Nine episodes in and I finally remember this damn show!

I am white-knuckling my way though this show now because Kong is dressed for a date, Arthit is late and looking like a mess, and Kong is telling Arthit he will do whatever Arthit wants him to, he will like anything Arthit wants him to like, and he will be anything Arthit wants him to be. I do not know how Arthit is experiencing all that Kong is throwing at him, and not realizing that Kong wants to be his pet.

"Call Me by My Name Number: A Boy's Journey to Become a Pet" Where's Mame when you need her?

And now Kong is eating a meal he didn't want, AGAIN, simply because Arthit told him to eat it! I'm not even joking anymore; this shit is kinky, and in this exact moment, I don't hate this show solely because of this reason.

Fuck going to sleep! I'm staying up and watching episode ten, NOW!

[b2cute]

MATT IMAGINES *~

NOTE: this is matt ENEMIES TO LOVERS lmk if you want anything else ❤️‍🩹

1. matt picking you up from a night out with your best friends and blasting embarrassing music in the mini van with the windows down to embarrass you. "get in princess your favorite song is on"

2. you and matt arguing with each other and when you try to walk away from him, he sneaks up from behind you to pick you up over his shoulder until you tell him he's not in the wrong. “matthew bernard let me down RIGHT NOW” “cmon y/n just admit you're wrong and the floor is all yours"

3. y/n and chris having a movie night on the couch huddled up. chris had his arm around you and your head rested on his chest while your right leg was laying on top of his. you felt a cold stare on you only to find matt. he was looking at you dead in the eyes with his jaw clenched and his big hands making a fist, causing his veins to pop out over his tatted arm. "you okay ma? the movies straight ahead not towards matt"

4. y/n comes home with nick drunk asff. feeling nauseous, she immediately rushes to the first bathroom she comes in contact with (matt's ofc since it's on the main floor) and throws up in the toilet repeatedly. matt rushes in to see what the commotion is only to find you crying above the toilet with your back against the wall in pain. he quickly rushes to hold y/n's hair and soothe your back while you cry of regret. "matt i really fucked this time" "no don't blame yourself princess everything will be okay"

5. y/n and nick decide to rearrange his bedroom with the help of his two brothers. since you're painting walls and moving around, you decide to wear brandy shorts and a black tank top that ended right under your tits. "nick i can't reach this spot can you pick me up so i can hang up the poster?" "yea y/n i'll be there in a second" once nick comes over to pick you up, he holds you right under your boobs, giving them the extra push up. as you put up the poster, nick lets you go, giving you a little bounce to where you lock eyes with matt, except his eyes were looking lower than yours...

THATS ALL I GOT THIS WAS MY FIRST TIME WRITING SOMETHING LIKE THIS SO LMK YOUR THOUGHTS PLS 🎀❤️‍🩹

[gotham-ruaidh]

Little Bit Better Than I Used To Be

Catch up: Chapter 1 (Starry Eyes) || Chapter 2 (Save Our Souls) || Chapter 3 (Dancing On Glass)|| Chapter 4 (Merry-Go-Round)|| Backstage (1) || Backstage (2) || Chapter 5 (Danger)|| Backstage (3) || Chapter 6A (Love Walked In) || Chapter 6B (Without You) || Backstage (4) || Chapter 7 (Stick To Your Guns) || Chapter 8 (Time For Change) || Backstage (5) || Chapter 9 (Take Me To The Top) || Backstage (6) || Chapter 10 (Home Sweet Home) || Backstage (7) || Chapter 11a (Nightrain) || Chapter 11b (Nothing Else Matters) || Chapter 12a (Handle With Care) || Chapter 12b (I’m So Tired of Being Lonely) || Chapter 13a (Angel) || Chapter 13b (She’s My Addiction) || Chapter 13c (Patience) || Chapter 14a (Where Do We Go Now?) || Chapter 14b (Where Do We Go Now?) || Chapter 14c (Where Do We Go Now?) || Chapter 15a (Dreams) || Chapter 15b (I Sing A Song of Love) || Chapter 15c (You Can Do This If You Try) || Chapter 16 (Let That Feeling Grab You Deep Inside || Chapter 17A: Never Tear Us Apart || Chapter 17B: It’s Tough To Be Somebody, And It’s Hard Not To Fall Apart  || Chapter 17C: I’m Wishing, Lord, That I Was Stoned || Chapter 18: Turn The Page || Chapter 19A: When You’re Alone, Do You Let Go? || Chapter 19B: Heading For A Spin || Chapter 20A: I Don’t Need Nothing When I’m By Your Side || Chapter 20B: I’m Walkin’ Down This Rocky Road || Chapter 20C: You’re The Only One Who Gets Through To Me || Chapter 20D: Together We Can Make It A Dream || Chapter 20E: My Main Objective Is To Get You To Turn Your Mind Around ||| Also posted at AO3

Chapter 20F: Heaven Isn't Too Far Away

I don't need to be a superman

As long as you will always be my biggest fan…

 -- “Heaven,” Warrant (1989) [click here to listen]

North Carolina || March 1989

“I’m sorry that I’ll miss you in L.A., but I’m really glad you’re going out there. for the rehearsals. Especially since you won’t be making it to Europe.”

Jenny Fraser Murray sighed into the phone. “I’m torn, Claire. On the one hand I’ll be so happy to have a few days away from the kids – Ian’s mom is a godsend. But on the other hand I don’t want to be away from them for even a minute.”

“Ian will be happy to have you to himself, though.”

Claire heard Jenny smile through the phone. “He said it will be like old times. When we were dating, and we’d sneak off behind the amps to make out before a gig.” She paused. “Something you and my brother probably do all the time now.”

Claire smiled. “When we’re together, yeah.”

“I was really surprised when Jamie told me you weren’t going out to L.A. Is this the longest you’ve been apart?”

“Yeah.” Claire twirled the long telephone cord around her wrist. “I’m not going to lie, Jenny, it’s been incredibly hard to be away from him for so long. But at the same time, it’s been really helpful.”

“How so?”

“Just…it gets intense with him. And as much as I love him, and as much as I know he loves me, we both needed the time to breathe.”

“I hear you. So what have you been up to this week?”

Claire leaned back in her chair. “There’s a clinic in town – I got in touch with them right after we moved in, and I’ve been going in every day to volunteer. Just a few hours, helping out with some of the walk-in patients. Cuts, burns, broken bones – lighter stuff.”

“Sorry. One sec.” Jenny’s voice was muffled over the phone, but Claire could still understand the words Maggie and share and your brother. Clearly the Murray kids were giving their mom a run for her money today.

“That sounds like fun, Claire. Or your idea of fun, anyway.”

“It feels so good to be a doctor again, Jenny. It’s a far cry from surgery, but – ”

“But it’s something. Something you’re good at, that you enjoy. And it’s something that’s all yours.”

“Exactly. When we get back from Europe, I want to do something more permanent at the clinic. I spoke to the woman who runs it – they’re definitely open to it. I told them everything about my past, and my license – they’re willing to work with me.”

“That’s awesome.” The line clicked. “Ah – Claire, I’ve been waiting for Ian all morning. This is probably him. I’ll call you later, OK?”

“OK. Say hello to him and the kids for me. Talk you soon.”

“Take care of yourself, sister.”

Jenny hung up.

Claire glowed a bit. Glanced up at the clock on the wall, and crossed the kitchen to make some tea.

Ten minutes later, snug on the couch that was one of the only pieces of furniture Jamie had shipped from his old house in LA, Claire dialed a 212 number on the touch-tone phone, set the receiver on the arm of the couch, and pressed the speakerphone button.

“Dr. Germain’s office. Jeanne speaking.”

“Hi Jeanne – it’s Claire.”

“Hello, Claire! Right on time, as always. I’ll transfer you over.”

A few clicks on the line, and then –

“Good afternoon, Claire!” Raymond’s voice boomed through the telephone. “Did you make it to the clinic after we spoke this morning?”

“I did!” She sipped her tea, tucking bare feet under her folded legs. “Three hours have never flown by so fast.”

“That’s wonderful. Are you still open to what I suggested in our session this morning?”

“I am. He’s not on yet, is he?”

This was the second week that Jamie, Claire, and Raymond had held their daily sessions – via telephone while Claire was home in North Carolina, Jamie was with the band in Los Angeles, and Raymond at his office in New York. Raymond had recommended they start meeting during Jamie and Claire’s time away from each other – and to help them all get comfortable working together before the Europe tour kicked off in a few weeks.

Speaking over the telephone was not as ideal as being in person – but it helped them all get into the new routine. Raymond met individually with Jamie and Claire each morning, followed by a group session in the afternoon. Claire and Jamie spoke with each other outside of their time with Raymond, of course – Claire called Jamie’s hotel room as his wake up call every morning, he spoke with her before bed every night – but the conversations with Raymond were different. Focusing on topics that were deeper than Jamie telling Claire about rehearsals or meetings with the label, and Claire telling Jamie about a patient’s antics at the clinic or how she had finally gotten around to staining the bedside table they’d picked up at a garage sale.

Raymond had approached working together in a very pragmatic way. He struck a balance between getting to know one another and probing deeper on certain topics – after all, there were many things that Jamie and Claire still didn’t know about each other. But there was no timetable – Raymond insisted they work at their own pace, because the real work would happen once they were in Europe.

Claire and Jamie actually looked forward to their time with Raymond. It helped them focus on themselves, and on each other, in a new and refreshing way. It bridged the thousands of miles between them, during their time away from each other. And having that separation – together with the telephone, and not needing to look at each other to speak – was indeed a good opportunity to explore some topics.

“I’m here. Hi, Claire.”

“Jamie,” she smiled. “Where are you?”

“I’m at the label’s office. Colum dragged me here to meet with the suits. I said yes, as long as I could get lunch delivered and an office for an hour. So excuse me if you hear some chewing.”

“What’s for lunch?” Raymond’s voice crackled through the line.

“In-N-Out. My favorite, a double double with a chocolate shake. Claire, the more I’m here, the more I don’t miss being in L.A. But this…this I miss.”

“Well, as your doctor,” she teased, “I’m also grateful for your arteries that we don’t eat that kind of food at home.”

Jamie snorted. “So what did you do at the clinic today?”

“Splinted a broken thumb and stitched up a gash on a little boy’s head.”

“You sound like you’re smiling. I love that it makes you happy, but I’ll never understand why.”

“If I may,” Raymond interjected, “there’s a little more to it than making Claire happy. She and I explored that this morning.”

“Yeah.” Claire sipped her tea. “You’re right, Jamie – it does make me happy. It makes me happy because I enjoy doing it. But more than that, it gives me a sense of purpose. I’m helping people, I’m making a difference.”

“And?” Raymond prodded gently.

Claire pursed her lips. “And, it’s something that’s only mine.”

The line was silent for a long moment.

“Jamie?” she asked gently.

“You mean, something that’s separate from our life together, Claire?”

“Jamie,” Raymond responded, “if you’re thinking that this is something meant to replace you, or any aspect of your relationship…trust me when I say it’s not. When Claire and I spoke about this earlier today, she made it clear that that’s certainly not the case. It’s a way for her to build her own identity, as Dr. Claire Fraser. Because she’s left behind who Dr. Claire Beauchamp was – the surgeon and pill addict. And she’s also built an identity as Claire Fraser – wife to Jamie Fraser.”

“And I love being Claire Fraser, Jamie. I do. God, I wish I could hold your hand right now.” She sighed. “But I need to find out who Dr. Claire Fraser is. In my time at the clinic, I’ve started doing that. And I’m still tied to you. I wear your letter and your ring on my hand, and your name on my driver’s license and my heart. This is…just…more than all of that. There’s room for more.”

Still Jamie remained silent. Claire’s heart began to race.

But Raymond let the silence stretch.

“Jamie…” he finally interjected after a while. “Do you want Claire to keep exploring this side of who she is? Who she could be?”

“Of course,” Jamie replied instantly. “I want nothing more than for Claire to be happy, and for her to be who she’s meant to be. She’s meant to be a doctor. She’s known that since she was a little girl, and that’s so awesome she knows that about herself. I still don’t know who I want to be.” He paused, chewing. “And I know that she’s also meant to be with me, to be my wife. That’s another part of who she is. Am I right, Claire? I’m not off base?”

“You’re right,” she said softly.

“OK. So – I know that she’s a doctor, and she’s my wife. I also know that there’s a huge part of her, that she hasn’t been able to grow for the entire time we’ve known each other. We’ve focused so much on our…our love, and our sobriety, and my music. But now I see that that’s been at the expense of other things. Like, her being a doctor. And I honestly feel kind of terrible that while I’ve been recording new music and touring and performing and dealing with my own shit, that’s all taken over and hasn’t given her the space to explore and grow.”

“That’s one way to look at it, Jamie.” Raymond’s voice was so focused, and Claire pictured him scribbling in his notebook. “But you can’t beat yourself up over it. Does what Jamie said, resonate with you, Claire?”

She rested her head on her arms, folded on the arm of the couch. “It does and it doesn’t, Raymond. Yes, I stepped away from medicine while I was getting clean, and then it was more important to me to figure out how to be with Jamie, and then get used to life on the road, and focus on my marriage. So I decided to push medicine to the background. To support Jamie in the way he needed, the last tour. I made that choice. Jamie didn’t force it on me – I would have said something if it wasn’t what I wanted. And now, I’m choosing to grow this side of myself again.”

“I don’t ever want you to think that I don’t support anything you want to do, Claire,” Jamie said softly.

“I don’t ever even think of that, Jamie. And if I did, I’d tell you.”

“I hope you would. I wouldn’t ever want that to be a misunderstanding between us. I will support whatever you want to do, you know that, right?”

“That’s a good segue way,” Raymond spoke softly.

Claire cleared her throat. “I’m glad you’re with Colum today, Jamie, because I’d like you to ask him something for me, for the tour.”

“Okay…he already agreed to have a doctor on standby, you know. If we get pregnant.”

“I know. I love that you did that for us, Jamie. But this is something new. When we’re in Europe, I’d like to find a way to volunteer at local clinics wherever we are. To spend time doing that in every city. I know that it won’t always be possible, of course – but I want to give back, when I’m on the road. I don’t want to just stop when we leave North Carolina – I want to keep going. I want to keep exploring this side of myself. And I know that everywhere we go, there will be people who need my help.”

“I would love for you to do that, Claire.” She could see him grinning. “God I wish I could hold you right now, so tight. I want you to do this. This is fucking awesome.”

She swallowed. “I miss you so much, Jamie. I love you, and I love being with you, and I can’t wait to be with you on tour. But I need to have something consistent that’s my own. I can’t be with you all of the time. And this helps me to do that.”

“Fuck yeah. I want this for you. Think of how cool it will be.”

“Yeah!” she grinned ear to ear. “And even if I’m pregnant, I can still do it. For a time, anyway.”

“I’ll speak to Colum about it today. The label or the local promoters have got to have connections. And I don’t want there to be any publicity. I don’t want people to think you’re doing this for the PR.”

“And you’d be OK, Jamie, with Claire being away from you during the day?”

“Yeah, Doc. Um…being here in LA without her, I’m more comfortable saying that now.”

“Versus before you left?”

“Yeah. I – Claire, I love you so much, but we were spending too much time together. It was…suffocating.” He paused, clearly uncomfortable with silence on the line. “Baby, talk to me. Fuck, I hate that I can’t see you. Talk to me. Does that make sense to you, what I said?”

“Yeah.” She sighed. “I get it, Jamie. I love you so much. I want to be with you all the time, but it’s not healthy.”

“Raymond, does that make sense?” Jamie’s voice was rushed, almost panicked. “Am I making sense? That I want to be with Claire all the time but I know that’s not a good thing?”

“It does, Jamie, and you are. You didn’t mention this to me before – is this something you’re only realizing now, in this conversation?”

“Umm…yes and no. I mean, I miss Claire so much right now that it actually hurts. But it’s been so fucking great to be here with the band. Angus’ girlfriends are out of town, so we’ve been spending a lot of time together, just me and Ian and Angus. And Colum, too. It’s been so much fun. I’ve been so busy. Almost too busy to think of anything else.”

“So – those fears we talked about during my visit. That without Claire beside you, you’d somehow fall back into addiction. That you needed her as your anchor, your constant reminder to stay sober. Do you still feel that way?”

“A little bit. But it’s not a big fear front and center every moment of the day. I mean, it sucks to come back to an empty hotel room, and it’s hard for me to sleep alone, but I know that’s temporary. And, I know that on the Europe tour I’ll be very busy during the day, probably more than I was the last tour. So even if Claire was with me all those hours, it’s not like I could really do anything with her during that time. I’ll be busy, and it’s not fair to her to just sit around without me. She can use that time more productively. Like volunteering at local clinics.”

“Good. I know that it was really difficult for you to fly out there on your own, and I’m glad you called me before you left for the trip, too, because I think we’ll all agree that you staved off a panic attack by doing that. But now that you’re there, do you understand why I had recommended you spend some time apart?”

“Yeah. Claire, did you understand from the beginning?”

“I did. But that doesn’t matter, Jamie. What matters now is that you understand. And that we have a new plan for Europe.”

“I love you so fucking much, Claire. I need you, baby. I can’t wait to see you again.”

She blew a kiss through the phone.

Jamie coughed. “Um, Claire? I need to tell you something.”

“Are you all right?” Raymond cautiously asked, after about thirty seconds of silence on the line.

“Um…yeah. I got another tattoo.”

“O..kay…” Claire replied.

“Was this planned, or impulse?” Raymond asked gently.

“Um…I’ve been thinking about it for a while, and I knew what I wanted, but I decided a bit last minute.”

“I see.” Claire spoke slowly. “What is it, and where is it?”

“It’s the outline of the state of North Carolina. On my left arm.”

Claire couldn’t help but smile. “Where? In that space between the koi fish and your mom’s name?”

Raymond chuckled. “The two of you, I swear.”

Jamie laughed. Free. “Yeah, Claire. I don’t even want to know how you guessed that.”

“What can I say,” she laughed. “The perks of being a rock star’s personal physician.”

[prdikprdikprdik]

Top 5 biggest byler proofs! (in my opinion): 1/2

5. The Scene from season 1 where Mike finds out Will “is dead” and hugs his mother.The fact a cover of heroes by David bowie is literally playing in the scene SPECIFICALLY this line from the song ,, And we kissed, as though nothing could fall.And the shame, was on the other side”

btw this is what the song is abt🤞 (at least what I found on google pls correct me if I found false information):

↗️↗️↗️↗️↗️↗️↗️

And this scene is a parallel to the end of season 3 which brings me to no. 4 !

The end of s3 looks like Mike had a realisation 😭. El literally kissed him infront of wills opened closet,they had wills teddy bear between them (and also from what I’ve seen bear represents Will in the series idk if I’m right!) and Mikes eyes were WIDE OPEN, he just looked uncomfortable (or how do I say it) and waited for the kiss to end, and this was his reaction right after that when el walked out of the room.

It just looks like bro has realised smth🐺. The hug with Karen was also after the final scene with the main six when hopper was reading the letter he wrote! And this sentence was said when the camera was focusing on mike ,, But lately, I guess I've been feeling distant from you. Like you're pulling away from me or something.” (Parallel to s4) and when he hugged Karen these sentencs were said ,, But I know you're getting older, growing, changing. And, I guess, if I'm being really honest, that's what scares me. I don't want things to change. So I think maybe that's why I came in here, to try and stop that change. To turn back the clock. To make things go back to how they were.” (Not all of this was in the scene with mike&karen but I still wanted to count that in cuz it was focused on Will for a moment of it🤞and its really byler coded if you think abt it.)

3. Bylers intimate moments! (Season 2,3,4):

S2: E2 crazy together scene,E5 the holding(?¿) hands scene and (idk if I could count that in) but E8 ,,it was the best thing I have ever done” scene.

S3:E9 the ,,not possible” scene

[cecewarlock]

Okay so this are pretty disjointed thoughts. I'll probably rewrite once I've calmed the fuck down but I've just watched TBOSAS and I need to talk about it

1- The hanging tree is about a man who is accused of three murders and when he is about to be hanged he asks for his lover to run away

Now in the Hunger games trilogy the song is a call to desperate action. A call for love and hope and freedom with the knowledge it might all end in death

But in TBOSAS it takes a whole different meaning, more especially in what I believe to be Snow's two most important relationships: Lucy Gray and Sejanus.

Unlike the man in the song, Snow has in fact killed three people one of them being Sejanus and unlike the man in the song who chooses his love over his own life. Snow does the opposite. He tells Lucy Gray to run during the games but once she is no longer caged, once she becomes the one thing he believes will cost him his life he chooses to attack. He truly is living embodiment of dr Gaul's philosophy. He is a victor.

2- Many people have already pointed out the Katniss/Snow Peeta/Lucy Gray parallels but I cannot stop thinking about Plutarch/Sejanus.

3- Everything about Tigris makes my heart break.

4-"Snow lands on top" is such a cunty ass line. Say what you will about Snow but he ate with that one. Cannot wait to see it used inappropriately in a fanfic

5- Snow having two scars on his back. One from when he saved Sejanus and one from when Lucy Gray saved him. I need to be sedated.

6- Ceasar being a nepo baby lol

7- "You are as pure as the driven snow" seriously somebody sedate me.

8-the rainbow on the statue's dress at the end. Lucy Gray you will forever live rent free in Snow's mind.

9- Sejanus's last words being "Ma" something he got teased for at the beginning.

10- Everything about Reaper putting the flag over the fallen tributes. And his bravery in the face of death. And his kindness.

11-I normally scoff at prequels that lean too hard on the main story and while I definitely think that TBOSAS suffers from it from time to time I do believe it works because it serves a purpose. It recontextualizes what we know about Snow.

He is a haunted man. The revolution in the hunger games is personal to him. Beyond politics and money. It is Lucy Gray's songs, stronger and lauder than ever, accompanied by the drum of Sejanus ideals. It's payback. They have taken his power.

12- Do you hear that? It's the sound of Snow, falling.

13- In conclusion: If Suzanne Collins has no fans left know that I am dead.

[splatsvilles-fashionista]

Splatoon 3 Version 6.0 Patch Notes Breakdown

Been a little bit since I did one of these, but Nintendo released the Chill Season 2023 patch notes about three hour ago, and while in terms of balance changes this is one of the smallest patches ever, it's got a ton of quality-of-life changes, so let's dig in, shall we?

So let's start from the top. In terms of new content, this patch includes a new catalog, two new stages (Robo ROM-en and Bluefin Depot), two new Specials (Splattercolor Screen and Triple Splashdown), nine new weapons, two new multiplayer songs, the new King Salmonid Megalodontia, and eleven new Tableturf cards.

Additionally, you'll note that they're including a line about giving you one Sheldon License at the end of each season. This is actually really relevant to a change coming down in line, so tuck that in the back of your mind for later.

The balance changes are all buffs, but they're relatively minor, and only six Main weapons and one Special are seeing any changes this time around.

Starting off, .96 Gal is having its ink efficiency buffed by 8%. It currently gets 40 shots on a full ink tank, so I wager this increases that number by about 5-10, but it's 5 AM my time at time of writing and I am bad at math, so I don't know for sure.

Ranged Blaster's explosions get a 15% paint buff. Note that this applies only to the final explosion and not the trail, so it's not a straight 15% paint buff.

Dread Wringer gets a 10% ink efficiency buff, and since it currently has ten sloshes on a full tank, that increases that number to eleven.

And finally, for Main Weapon changes the Heavy Edit Splatling now paints more. Unlike the Ranged Blaster's paint buff this is a lot harder to gauge, but Heavy Edit's paint can be kind of spotty and inefficient, so this is undoubtedly a good thing for it.

After that, we've got only two points-for-Special changes.

Jet Squelcher and L-3 Nozzlenose both get some points shaved off their Specials, taking their Ink Vac and Crab Tank to 180p and 190p respectively. On one hand, I am biased and hate the Jet Squelcher, and I think this buff was completely unwarranted and unnecessary, but on the other hand I love the L-3 and want only good things in life for it, so they balance each other out, in my book.

And, for the final balance change of the entire patch, we've got a Reefslider buff, as it now makes you invulnerable during its startup 13 frames faster. The thing about this change is that like, it's a buff, and that is good, but the problem Reefslider has is not getting the Special off, it's that you very rarely survive the aftermath of using it, and this does nothing to solve that. With Triple Splashdown on the horizon I think things might be rough for this Special in the future.

And that's all of the balance changes! There being so few of them indicate two things to me: That Nintendo is overall happy with the the state of the game, and that they are wary of touching anything unless they have to. And one hand I get it, after all, competitive players are currently saying that there really isn't a meta at the moment, just picking weapons you're good at and playing well, and that's probably not an environment you want to shake up too much. But on the other hand, there are a lot of things like Line Marker, Undercover Brella, and Reefslider to name a few, that could really do with some sprucing up to help them keep up with the just the middle of the pack. I think raising the bottom bar a bit higher would be to everyone's benefit.

But we've got two Specials being added, so I suppose now's not the time to rock the boat too much. We'll see how things have shaken out come the mid-season patch in January.

But the balance changes are a very small part of these patch notes, and nowhere near the most interesting, so let's keep moving on.

Anarchy Series and X Battles are receiving a whole slew of changes, the most prominent of which are some new badge rewards for win streaks and attaining high X Rankings. Additionally, matchmaking in X Battles is being changed to more strictly separate people with high and low X Ranks, as well as allowing more team compositions. To cut a long story short, weapons have a set of internal values that the game uses during matchmaking to try and balance the team compositions. Matchmaking in high-power X Rank infamously takes a very long time, so I have to imagine that this change aims to speed things up by making the matchmaking more lenient on that front.

Salmon Run, in addition to the new King Salmonid, is getting some significant changes, starting with some changes to the Specials:

Kraken Royale and Triple Splashdown are being added to the pool of available Specials. Additionally, Mr. Grizz has finally agreed to always provide at least two workers on every team with a long-range Special to handle all the pesky Stingers and Flyfish. Be sure to thank your local union representative the next chance you get.

This change is particularly spicy. Your Salmon Run stage badges will now boost your starting difficulty on their respective stages, adding more incentive to play beyond the two superbonuses, as well as making the grind for future badges easier. This certainly gives me more motivation to go for those VP 400+ badges.

You'll now be able to tell what King Salmonid is present during each Shift, and the Salmometer will change to match it, as well. Can you believe they didn't change that when they added Horrorboros?

Also I am curious what this means for those Shifts where the King Salmonid was random. Will the Salmometer become a question mark? Are they not gonna do those anymore? We'll have to wait and see.

But this next change, is a big one, and it's for, what else, Big Run:

Big Run trophy requirements will now be set in advance, and no longer scale off top 50%, 20% and 5% player results.

I am in two minds about this change. On one hand, I always thought that people complaining about overfishers in Big Run were kind of petulant and entitled, especially when the rewards were as minor as locker decorations and badges. Maybe that's mean-spirited of me, but there was never a way for me to read it as anything but people demanding to be given the same reward as the people working the hardest without putting in the effort themselves.

But on the other hand, the 5% cutoff has been steadily rising as overall Big Run participation decreased, which is just a natural result of time passing and casual players falling off the game, nothing weird there, but this means that the top becomes more stacked, further disincentivizing casual players as getting even the bronze trophies becomes harder and harder for them. Giving the players much clearer and more achievable goals will likely serve to pull a lot of people back into Big Runs, and that is undoubtedly a good thing.

And hey, I said the rewards weren't worth getting upset over, and by that same metric, I don't think it's worth getting upset over more people getting them, either. All the better, if it makes more folks happy. And as for the people who do want to grind their hearts out, well:

There's still some recognition for that, too.

So that's the gist of the Salmon Run changes, so let's finish up with some miscellaneous changes.

Remember how I told you to keep that bonus Sheldon's License in mind for later?

Players who own every currently available weapon will now be able to trade extra licenses in for Shell-Out Tokens. In other words, that extra license serves as a failsafe so you don't lock yourself out of buying future weapons by spending all your licenses on gacha rolls.

The Splatfest Battle Pro queue is receiving the same matchmaking changes as X, presumably for much the same reasons.

And finally, the most important change of all:

WANDERCRUST IS BACK!!! YEAH BABY!!!! WOO!!!

[jeepersjpeg]

u have like .. really good taste in media , so do u have any movie recommendations ?

my top favorites right now (in order)

1. I Saw The TV Glow (heartwrenching "coming-of-age"/psychological horror/wait.. he's "coming-of-age" so quickly--? Time wasn't right. It was moving too fast. I was 19, then I was 20, then I was 21. Like chapters skipped over on a DVD. I told myself, this isn't normal. This isn't normal. This isn't how life is supposed to feel. I thought about r-- really good movie if you haven't seen it already)

2. Possessor (trippy, violent sci-fi psychological horror. i wrote a song about this one. ive seen it around 5 times now and not a day goes by where i don't think of it.)

3. The Poughkeepsie Tapes (50% satirical mockumentary commentating on how america glorifies its serial killers, 50% found-footage horror, you'll need to look up warnings for this one [or just ask me, ive seen it 4 times, i can give you in-depth CW's without spoilers].)

4. Horse Girl (a girl's spiraling descent into conspiracy. trippy, mystery thriller)

other favorites in no specific order

• Antiviral (another Brandon Cronenberg film, sci-fi thriller, taking parasocial relationships to a whole new level)

• The PowerPuff Girls Movie (underrated and one of my favorite PPG-related things ever next to the now-banned rock opera episode, See Me Feel Me Gnomey)

• Longlegs (paranormal mystery horror film, an FBI agent gets more than she bargained for when delving into a new case. ASK ME ABOUT OZ PERKINS AND NICHOLAS CAGE'S PERSONAL CONNECTION TO THIS FILM AND HOW IT SAVED THE FILM ITSELF FOR ME AND MADE IT GO FROM "A WEE BIT DISAPPOINTING BUT STILL GOOD" TO "TOP FAVORITE" BECAUSE OF HOW IT IMPACTED THE WAY I VIEW IT... IF YOU DARE..)

• Catsoup (silent japanese cartoon, short film, you can find it on youtube! two cats go on a magical, somewhat dark, adventure. visually stunning)

• The Brave Little Toaster (the only disney film that will ever grace my favorites list. incredible. the anthropomorphization of objects is stellar, the characters i could go on and on about-- and the songs are fucking great. shoutout to mass car suicide [Worthless]. also this movie inspired one of my OC stories [Curtain Call].)

• I'm Thinking Of Ending Things (adaptation of my favorite book, very different from the book but i think it brings some excellent things to the table and tells it in a very cool way. psychological thriller, mystery. Jesse Plemons is in it, they grabbed him off the set of Breaking Bad and forgot to tell him he wasn't still playing Todd. [< compliment])

• Baby Driver (anyone who hates this movie doesn't know how to have fun. action-comedy, incredible soundtrack that is SYNCED TO THE HAPPENINGS IN THE FILM, main character is an autistic CODA who i love very much, i have a deep personal connection with this movie because of the person i watched it with and the impact it had on us.)

• I Don't Feel At Home In This World Anymore (action-comedy, crime, awkward girl and her awkward neighbor [who just met her but would kill and die for her] get in over their heads trying to retrieve a stolen laptop.)

• Poltergeist (1982, my ma's favorite horror film and one of mine too. paranormal, visually stunning, the practical effects are so fucking cool. also im decently sure it was inspired by Little Girl Lost, an episode of The Twilight Zone, because it's like a more fleshed-out version of that concept.)

• Home Movie (2008, it's on youtube, i can't remember if it's like overall good but it's the only instance thus far in which i think the "evil child" trope is done well so it makes my favorites list)

• Whiplash (ARE YOU RUSHING OR ARE YOU DRAGGING?!)

• Nightcrawler (crime thriller, guy's spiraling descent into abandoning all morals for the sake of his obsessive new project, and the gripping horrific ways that this choice affects those around him)

• Dread (2009, violent horror, guy's spiraling descent into abandoning all morals for the sake of his obsessive new project, and the gripping horrific ways that this choice affects those around him)

• Raggedy Ann And Andy : A Musical Adventure (on youtube, an animated childhood favorite that still holds up. shoutout to the blue camel)

aaaand some others im prooobably forgettinggg..? tried to include a bit of as many genres i could think of, since most of my favorites are horror :)

[spookyghouly]

goodevening ghesties

i luckily tested negative for covid this morning meaning i was FINALLY free from quarantine isolation just in time to go to the ghost concert!! this is my 5th ritual in as many years and it may have been the best (though, you never forget your first 😉). here’s my ghost kia forum night 1 concert breakdown of best moments, in no particular order!

cumulus and aurora ghoulettes twirling each other, blowing kisses to each other, stroking each other’s cheeks. this one was for the dykes <3

popia, drawing out the ending to mary on a cross: “are you guys still saying cross?? I want you to say MARIJUANA!!!!!”

ABSOLUTION F U C K E D LIVE!!!!

Respite ALSO fucked like the BASS IN THE BEGINNING?? I FELT IT IN MY CHEST IN MY LUNGS, I THINK IT MADE MY HEART BEAT DIFFERENTLY. SOUL RESET. I almost cried when copia left the stage thinking about how this is probably my last time seeing him (I completely forgot the encore existed I was too swept up in It All ™ you know?)

Dancing Skeletons. They better release the film because I want to study it to learn their dance.

they had two stages set up, the normal one up front and a mini set up in the back with a grand piano and several chairs. more on that in a sec.

Seestor gave papa a boxing robe and gloves for “fighting” his way back from the small stage to the main stage. the crowd started barking at him to hype him up like he was actually about to enter a boxing ring lmaoo

when he got to the back stage papa said it was so nice to see the people in the back “in the stevie wonder seats” lmaoooo

then he said he wanted to bite us???? and had us all snarl at him like we were biting dogs. deranged behavior. love him.

okay no my true fav moment was the orchestral arrangement of if you have ghosts. it put me in such a throwback to the first ghost ritual I attended in london when he took time to introduce each band member just as ghoul. 5 years later and on another continent, it is an even more beautiful arrangement of the song. The band members were 2 cellists and a grand piano player—I couldn’t tell if the woman to the far right was playing a theremin or vocalizing—if anyone knows can you tell me?

the skeletons picked papa up at the stage right mini stage and had him like crowd surf on top of them all the way back to center stage it was AWESOME?? I hope they got a cool overhead shot of it for the recording.

they definitely knew we were all anxious he was dying tonight and there were many moments where papa faked us out that he was dying. after the first or second song he made a comment like “ah we are quickly approaching the end of this era” and later when he told us to “not be sad it’s almost over, you’ve had a good fucking time and then it must end” I couldn’t help but think he was talking about more than just the concert

on a related note, when the skeletons first came out in twenties they circled papa and I think it was a deliberate fake out/homage to when he ascended in mexico city last year when the nuns circled him.

met many delightful ppl giving away handmade bracelets, stickers, and trinkets, as well as someone who had scooped up a bunch of mummy dust bucks from the confetti gun and was passing them out by the exit 🥰💜 u people made my day

anyway here’s that haul:

this has been the update from new plushia at the forum, goodnight folks!

[justanotherhh]

alastor aroace semiotics: symbols/metaphors/codes (oh my!)

thinking about some of the aroace subtext, both in terms of what's definitely intentional, and things that one can pick up on within the burgeoning field of "what the heck does aspec (in this case aroace) semiology even look like in (this particular) narrative?"

there's the really obvious one of course "ace in the hole." funny as well, because ace in the hole could also reference Alastor being the card you play as a hidden advantage (potentially hinting that Rosie knows that Alastor has his own agenda and supports that, like she does in the song). Of course "Alastor is ace" is the main point of the joke, because it's a sentence that comes a little out of nowhere, and clearly confuses Alastor, because he doesn't know Stuff

2. secondly, there's the pilot episode's placing Alastor first next to and then on top of the Ace of Spades. tbh if this was an accident, it sure was a serendipitous one, because the Ace of Spades not only refers to being ace, but specifically aroace (with Hearts meaning alloace, Diamonds meaning demiace, and Clubs meaning grey-ace <- t Ace of Diamonds/Clubs are a more open to interpretation, I've seen some also use them for demiromantic and greyromantic)

3. Body language! Alastor's reactions to being propositioned or involved in a sex joke, or having to listen to romance talk ranges from discomfort (glitching), to blunt refusal/shutting down of the conversation, to boredom/distraction. I haven't made a study of Alastor's body language in detail, but I'd be interested in how his smiles potentially shift when around very sexual and/or romantic discussion, regardless of whether he's the centre of that (but probably moreso if he is). I think this would come more to the fore in future seasons if there were examples beyond Angel Dust, who also made Husk uncomfortable in the first half of s1, but Alastor -- especially in the pilot -- had very visceral reactions to Angel's "flirting/joking," moreso than anyone else, until Angel had really gone too far with Husk in ep4 (and he come onto Alastor as strongly/invasively as he did with Husk)

4. Speaking of Angel... Alastor not being present outside of a flashback in all of episode 4, and not in episode 6 either. Both episodes featured sex heavily, including Angel showing off one of his pornos, and the gang going to a sex club. Also, Valentino was in both of them (makes sense, seeing as they were Angel-centric). I wonder what Alastor feels about Valentino's whole... existence. He's also the only main s1 hotel character to not be involved in the trust exercises that lead them to the bondage/SM club. this has nothing necessarily to do with the character, but he's very much placed outside of sexual scenarios and places by the writing/plot, which is fun to notice, especially in the first two examples, as his not being in the episodes isn't actually explained. No Alastor in the sex episodes, because his fourth wall sex repulsed senses were tingling?

5. boundaries and power fantasies. that is, Alastor is a character who has very clear boundaries and ways of enforcing them. from blowing up Sir Pentious when he grabs his coat, to noping out of any space he wants to, to seizing the narrative from Vox and telling the story on his terms, to shadow tentacles (ironic), nobody touches him emotionally/physically unless they're allowed. Niffty, Rosie, and Mimzy so far appear to be the ones who have crossed into that "allowed" space the most, but considering he lets everyone (barring Lucifer and Husk, who don't want to) hug him in the finale, some of those barriers are coming down, which is another interesting analysis to make at some point

these boundaries aren't all entirely healthy either -- the way he lashes out at Husk who seems to actually be trying to look out for him (which suggests that Husk is emotionally close-ish to him, enough that he didn't realise he was overstepping), and the way he breaks down in the finale, shows that his inability to be vulnerable in front of others is... not actually a good thing. I wrote a whole bunch about how this part of Alastor's writing play into a very aroace-in-feel narrative for him, but suffice to say... a story about someone with boundaries that seems to be completely absent of "romance/sex will fix you" is refreshing. and very aroace coded

there's also a power fantasy in the idea that one can simply bend the space to avoid ones boundaries being trampled over. to be able to either nope out of a room or to make oneself so terrifying that nobody would want to try to get up in your space... it's got a little smthinsmthin of a "wish it were me" in there. being repulsed means an often constant erosion and invasion of boundaries, from people making your disgust and/or obliviousness the centre of their sex jokes, to being hyper-scrutinised and challenged every time you do or don't let someone into your space in whatever way, or challenge their notions of what's "allowed" as an aroace person. sometimes you just want to say "Demonic Powers Be Upon Ye" and be done with it

6. An Absence. most often aspec narrative is defined by an absence of allo-narrative. that is, Angel Dust, Husk, Charlie, Vaggie, Cherri, Sir Pentious, Lucifer, are set up as allo-figures with romance and sex featuring more or less in all of their stories. the only hotel residents so far who don't have that going on are Alastor and Niffty, and Niffty's story has yet to have the foundations laid out for beyond the very bare bones, and she flirts with others (her "bad boy" preference). whatever Alastor's journey is, it's not coded as alloromantic or allosexual in any way, whether through casual jokes/flirting, or a longform romantic and sexual relationship exploration, with the possible exception of...

7. Vox. the characters that Alastor seems closest to in this story are Rosie, Mimzy, Niffty, Charlie, and Husk (with the mysterious figure that owns his soul looming in the back as well). out of them, none of them are coded as anyone he's sexually or romantically involve with or heading in that direction. the last figure in Alastor's life that's very heavily figured so far is Vox. And Vox is obsessed with Alastor in a way that absolutely can be read as a bad one-sided break-up/jilted stalker type framing, with Alastor gleefully recounting his "no" when talking about their past, and otherwise putting Vox out of his mind, while almost all of Vox' big character moments revolve around how much real estate Alastor takes up in his mind (literally, considering his error message is all Alastor messaging)

Vox being a figure who is symbolically the trampler of aroace boundaries is a very good way of showing Alastor's total disinterest and even disgust (depending on whether or not he knows that Vox was/is into him), and can act as a future potential interesting barometer for other characters to be "less" invasive, but still not quite getting it to begin with (see, Angel Dust's casual flirting, Charlie's tendency to see everything from her perspective, who knows how Cherri and Lucifer might fit into this equation, and generally the sex-and-romance framing of a lot of the other narratives)

8. I talked about aroaceness being a humanising factor to Alastor in my other big ol' post I did, just want to mention it here as well. so far it exists somewhat as a Potential, in the sense that we're firmly in s1 and there's still a lot of ways this could all go, but I think it's worth mentioning as a form of foundational signposting work that's been done for his character

he's more on the dark grey end of the grey scale of all of these characters, he's manipulative, sadistic, cruel when he wants to be, petty, selfish, likes being the centre of attention + is easily rankled when he's not, and presumably he went to hell because he killed people for kicks <- these traits are not unique to him, considering the setting, but what is is the beginnings of a storyline exploring his particular relationship to vulnerability and power and why those things are a part of him in the way they are. this from the perspective of someone who is aroace (and possibly repulsed) instantly adds a potential sympathetic nuance to who he's become, similar to the layer of power fantasy mentioned above. both of these turn his narrative from a cautionary tale or a villain-played-straight (haha) trope into something much more interesting

with the semiotics of aroaceness already in place, these affect how we read the foundations for the rest of his narrative and where it's going. quite simply, it's one of the biggest factors right now that make all his other story beats more resonant and interesting, depending of course on where they take it...

9. his smile. since we've gotten deep enough into meta territory now that we're in hc/future theorising country -- the smile is of course a mask, that's known to everyone. there's a lot of future opportunities for how to utilise that alongside aroaceness-as-theme-for-him. aroaceness, or just "someone where there is a noticeable lack of romantic (and hinted at sexual) interest," is usually coded through a certain shallowness. a pathologisation of behaviours -- which is another deeper analysis post to make at some point (jeez there's so many). Alastor is off-putting, yes, but he's also very confident and charming when he wants to be, he can put people at ease despite themselves (see, Charlie). It's a very interesting mask to give someone who's aroace, because it makes him complicated, rather than a simple ableist "point at the weirdo with no friends, that's our Outsider/killer."

(it also hearkens back to the humanising factor, in that his shallowness isn't because he's aroace, it's because he doesn't know how to be vulnerable with people as the person he is in a world that is incredibly amatonormative and focused on sex)

His smile can be unnerving, but it can also be disarming, give others the illusion that he's in control, make it impossible to guess his emotions (etc. basically what he said to Charlie)

so quite simply, his smile as a twisted distortion of society's demands upon people. he's not being abrupt, aloof, asocial, unkempt, or all the things aroaceness is often stereotyped as. he's performing the most acceptable normative person you can imagine. his surface is unscratcheable because of normative ideals

it's a very fun, unique-to-this-story way of potentially telling an aroace narrative. I'd be interested in what it takes to make him drop it (if he can, or if the story takes the route of accepting that he can't -- the man who laughs kinda vibes) and whether that will tie into a piece of his story that itself takes on aroace proportions (perhaps related to worrying for others in a non-romantic way, perhaps in relation to being able to or being forced to be vulnerable in a non-romantic/non-sexual way, etcetc).

Potentials:

we haven't seen him around the aro/ace aroace colours yet as far as I can remember, which is a fun, easy way to signpost (see, Vox flashing the bisexual flag on his screen)

since we've had an "ace in the hole" joke, I think we could have an aro/arrow-based pun in there as well, maybe even as a deconstruction of when they're used in romantic ways -- (no aro going through his heart, too aro for cupid's arrow, idk I'm spitballing here) or as literal arrows in some way. also someone's gotta call him aces at one point, right? just cos? I feel like the "<2" emoji might be too niche (heck, maybe all of this is, but that's part of the point -- all of this should be ways we're able to signpost aro and ace and aroace characters), but there's characters who know modern emoji and online lingo

other asexual symbols I know of include stating a preference for cake or pizza over sex and/or dating and the black and white rings (worn respectively on right an left middle fingers, although since they only have four fingers in this world...)

I've really enjoyed "clueless cannibal about modern lingo" Alastor comics, including the one about serving cunt and the one about eating ass both by @nouverx. it goes nicely on from his being confused about "ace in the hole," with that HH style sexual comedy. there's a whole bunch of that one could play with

speaking of slang, confirmed bachelor has often meant gay, but the aro/ace community and the gay community has overlapped as long as anyone has been non-conforming. @creepysora suggested a gentleman never kisses and tells, either as Alastor being unaware that it's actually about sex, or as an aware deconstruction of the phrase that gives him the space (similar to confirmed bachelor) to sneakily go, "go mind your own fucking business 😊!" I'm sure there are others that could fulfill a similar purpose of allowing Alastor a certain kind of old-timey buffer

similar to the episode of Bojack Horseman that had Todd visit his girlfriend's parents (both Todd and his GF are asexual and not out to her parents), which depicted allosexuality from the perspective of asexuality as something nonsensical and Other, perhaps having something from Alastor's POV in which he's the observer of the rites of romance and/or sex in a way that shows their strangeness when one sits outside of their tenets

would kind of like to see him killing/hurting people for being pushy, either when alive or dead. I already see a lot of potentials for his past as a serial killer to be framed from an aroace POV, but I especially like this idea, similar to how Hannibal often targets people for being "rude."

more on what I was saying about aroaceness as a humanising trait -- more on how this affected him in life, how he feels about Vox's consistent obsessive behaviour, how it potentially makes it harder to imagine his place in a group setting like the hotel (which is rapidly being paired off into romantic couples -- often a nightmare scenario for aromantics), more on how potentially learning these words or something better to describe himself can make it possible for him to assert boundaries without shutting everyone out to a large extent, and also, tbh, to put Big Expectations onto a story that's barely even started, I hope that none of this takes away his less savoury traits necessarily. I hope he's still kind of an asshole, but simply that he is grounded in himself enough to be able to really believe in Charlie's work/aims and support her in them for more reasons than his own ends, and can admit to really caring for something

reiterating: I am interested in how his smile-as-mask will play into all of this

Any symbolism, metaphor, coding, and straight-up telling I've missed in the show itself? Any you'd want to see in upcoming seasons?

[gallaghersgal]

hello everyone! tysm for 1,500 followers, this means so much to me as someone who took almost a YEAR off of writing. the support i get and the friends i've made here mean so much to me! so LET'S CELEBTATE 🎉🎉

celebration masterlist here. looking for my main masterlist? it’s linked up top under "writer" <3

p.s. special shoutouts to my beloved moots at the bottom <3

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i will also write sydcarmy 😚🧚🏻‍♀️

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@tinyphantomsalad THE first mutual i made on here that i'm still talking to. the man i run my filthiest porn by, and he doesn't bat an eye. the love and respect for you i have is insane. what are we at now? four years? feels like four hundred. i love u endlessly.

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