#the lyrics are so much more intense i bawled my eyes out like i was dying every time. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

ruby2stardust · 11 months ago

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This post. One year ago, I watched Bocchi the Rock. And I still stand by every single word, now even more strongly than I did then. I have watched and rewatched this show so many times in one year. Maybe 13 times? Probably more. Read the whole manga three times. Read a frankly unhealthy amount of fanfiction. I have sung its praises to my family and friends, I have written multiple essays even if I haven't shared a single one. I have a Google drive folder where I personally made my own take on the translated lyrics of each song. Somehow, some way, I still have more to say. I'll get quite personal and a little dark. I have to explain how much this series has meant to me. To do that, I have to give a good picture of where I was.

365 days ago, I was tired. College classes will do that. Especially when you have Autism and ADHD and anxiety and probably a few other things too. I was awful in school. I have been since 1st grade, and I don't know why I pressured myself into taking college classes. So yeah I was failing every class because I didn't know I had ADHD and I would stare at math problems for hours on end doing absolutely nothing trying to psyche myself up before curling into a ball to cry.

But that was just school. I had done school before. For years. The worst of it was something else. I was lonely. My family was distant. Always distant. Worse, the friends I made in high school turned out to be real jerks at times. Between blatant and open homophobia/transphobia to peer pressuring others into saying racial slurs as if it were an initiation ritual. I was always uncomfortable with it, but I had finally worked up the courage to get out of that group. At first, it was freeing. But every passing day, I didn't have people to talk to. I felt worse. I missed them. I had a hard time making friends, but those people had wanted me. I hated that I missed them.

Now, if you've watched the show, you understand what that loneliness looks like. At least a little bit. The first scene of the first episode in all its melancholy. I felt like that, but all the time and way worse. Social anxiety is a trap. The snake eating its own tail. I am alone, I do not want to be alone, but what if I ruin it? What if I mess it up? What if I do something dumb? I'll just wait for others to come to me. And so, I am still alone. It is a hard cycle to break, and even when people do try to talk to you, it's easy to miss the chance to make something of it.

I never blamed myself. My old "friends" were keeping me in an uncomfortable place, so I left. But I hated myself for missing them. I would sit by the train track each day, waiting to go to class. I would wonder, should I just walk down it? It would only lead to one place. In retrospect, I knew I didn't want that. But I felt trapped by my own emotions.

December 19th, 2022. Enter silly anime about teenage girls playing guitar. I watched eleven episodes in one day. And I was bawling my eyes out by the end. There are so many jokes about how relatable the show is. Yes. That's what drew so many in. From the first few seconds, I could relate to Hitori. But that wasn't what made it special. It was how she was portrayed, walking the empty hallways, the hunched posture, the panic attacks, and the self depreciating thoughts. All of it seeming sort of ridiculous, but it was very real to her. She was lonely. She couldn't speak up. And she always seemed to miss her chance. So she just retreated to what she knew.

I remember laughing. I remember smiling honestly for the first time in months. I remember connecting with these simple characters. I remember feeling understood by this show. I remember waiting for the final episode. And the emptiness I felt as soon as the credits rolled. But that feeling. The song filling my ears. That music, it made me want to try.

Music is powerful. The music in this series is intensely emotional. At least it is for me. I've listened to each song in repeat. Seeing those lyrics, the heavy pounding on drums, the wild strumming of guitar through the 14-song album that whirled through all sorts of emotions. I felt heard by this show. I knew that someone out there, heck tons of people all watching at the same time as me, all knew, and we all understood. The music couldn't have done it on its own. But the show wouldn't be what it is without the music.

It was a simple story. A girl played guitar alone. But by taking a risk and sticking to it, she changed. She didn't magically become an extrovert or cure her anxiety, but she began to learn to love herself. She began to learn new things. She began to gain more confidence in who she was, if only a little.

And I could too.

I need to gush about this series it's so good I have never gone from not knowing what something is to being hyperfixated so incredibly fast.

So Bocchi the Rock right? Yesterday I had no clue this series even existed. By the end of yesterday I had seen a few clips and heard a few people talking before watching one episode of it. Today I binged the other ten episodes and I am OBSESSED. This show had me rolling on the ground with laughter while simultaneously getting me invested in a story that normally I wouldn't find myself enjoying that much. So I'll just start from the beginning I guess this is a slice of life comedy show about social anxiety. I don't think I have to say much on that we all get it but the way it's portrayed here is just beyond words good. The presentation of this show is out of this world. It follows Hitori Gotoh a socially inept girl with a passion for playing guitar. She wants to start a band and get popular but just can't get herself out there. One day she brings her guitar into school hoping to get some attention to little success. However she is noticed by Nijika Ijichi who is just starting the Kessoku band and had her guitarist flake out on her five hours before a concert. Desoerate she drags Hitori along with her to join her band. It's a huge step for Hitori that she is not at all ready for and various shenanigans ensue from there. I could go on but this show is fantastic and I want people to watch it. I personally love how the show ties its drama and comedy together seamlessly. Whenever Hitori is stressed out about something the show goes wild changing up the animation style completely to represent her sudden panic attack which both puts you in her frame of mind and gets you to laugh.

My personal favorite is this one where the animation just rapidly devolves into simple 3d models for all of 4ish seconds while Hitori is hurled through a wall to represent her fear of an upcoming performance. It's something that I think a lot of people can relate to having to present to a ton of people is nerve wracking while also just being incredibly fun to watch and there's a different style change every single time this happens I never know what to expect next and it always catches me off guard and makes me laugh! The show also has an actual plot going for it it isn't all just jokes with no substance these characters develop throughout and they do it quickly enough for a character's growth in the season to be clear. It doesn't take Hitori 20 episodes to overcome every issue she faces. She's just honest and works on herself bit by bit with things coming full circle from the start to the end. It's the small details that really bring everything together here. Little things that keep popping up as the show goes on that develop Hitori and her relationship with her bandmates.

Also the opening song is super good I've been listening to it on repeat for literally like 6 hours.

#bocchi #bocchi the rock #bocchi the rock!#tw depressing thoughts #tw depressing stuff #just a story about why I'm still attached to and obsessed with this anime #personal stuff I felt like spouting I guess #i did drop out of college btw #still learning stuff though #just on my own terms now

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marshmallowprotection · 3 years ago

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Speaking of I Am The Strongest, Endless Struggle and Four Seasons, have you heard the lyrics for them by AirahTea on YouTube????

I'm assuming you have but I'm asking out of curiosity!

P.S. Love your writing and I hope you're doing well! 💜

Oh, I have absolutely heard them. I would definitely recommend people to go and check it out. They've done a few other covers, too. The lyrics that were specifically chosen and created for them really fit with the emotion that goes on.

Especially with I Am The Strongest. They really managed to encapsulate the utter desperation that Suit Saeran suffers. Because he is more than his anger but so much of his heart is lost in this sense of urgency to control this environment that he doesn't have the right to. That one is really painful to listen to but in a bittersweet way that I love to address.

It manages to say without any shadow of a doubt that he is doing what he is doing because it is the only way that he thinks that he can survive. He has to be strong or he will be destroyed, you will be destroyed, and any hope that Ray is still there will be gone forever.

"I'll make them believe - that I am to be feared - I can prove to you - that I am the strongest!"

Endless Struggle also really hits me in the face but I think that's just because I love Ray so much. The lyrics that were used for that really managed to hit on the feeling of being isolated and not feeling good enough. His desperation and desire to not be abandoned. It's enough to make you cry.

This song speaks to Ray's realization that his infatuation and fantasy of you is nothing like you at all. You're better. You give him hope and light but he's so scared to leave his darkness. Yet, he tries to fight back, even if he can't make himself truly happy. He must protect you, you just never get hurt.

"You saw through - the lies I held true - but, still, I have listen and obey - to make sure you stay safe."

Four Seasons is already a full song and not just a character theme with intense melodies! But, still, like all these songs, give AriahTea props for this. But it's really nice to hear the lyrics in English, sometimes. I love listening to it because it's like the light at the end of the tunnel.

If I hear the lines "I want to spend all my four seasons with you," I just start bawling my eyes out.

#mod kait #mystic messenger #mysme #saeran choi #ask #mysticmessenger #choi saeran #choi ray #ray choi #suit saeran #storytimewithnetty

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konjoong · 3 years ago

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waterfall and cosmos ranking intertwined??? i would like to see it 👁

you have activated my trap card ok this is not just a review this is an analysis of these songs. get ready

1. nineteen - i dont know what it is about this song but the way he composed it is just right up my alley. the lyrics themselves are very relatable to me and the slow rock vibe is always what i love to hear from hanbin idk why. this song automatically makes me wanna do that dance he did at the beginning of cosmos mv

2. flame & illusion - putting these songs together because they are That Bitch. he is my boyfriend he is an artist he is a rapper he is the shit he is the moment everyone shut up and listen. illusion is so fucking addictive i listened to it for like a month straight and his ICONIC "woah!" moments after certain verses??? yes. Flame gives me the same vibe, it gets me hyped and ready to go, the tempo for both of these songs are so on point. When I first heard flame i was like she is tied for sure with illusion

3. re birth- crying. sobbing. wailing. weeping. howling loudly. bawling non stop. my eyes are waterfalls (pun intended). this song brings out so many emotions from me. when he first released this demo i was practically BEGGING this man to finish it and im SO glad he did. this song means so much to me and his voice is so beautiful in it ugh

4. waterfall - she is the moment. this is so on par with hanbin's vibe of BE I and his vibe from when he was on smtm (which was like an insane time for him as an artist) the 'dont fuck with me attitude' is immaculate. also the beat is so addictive

5. help me - i know hanbin is still probs insecure about his singing voice but this song complimented his voice SO MUCH. i cant help but sing along with him because this song draws so much emotion out of me. this song gives me such theatric vibes esp with the instruments playing in the background. like i can just imagine him on stage singing this with just a stand up mic and cool visuals in the background. also do not even get me started on the lyrics bc i WILL cry

6. remember me - SHE IS THAT BITCH. the second i heard this song i knew itd be popular in korea and look where we are now. the notes at the start remind me of animal crossing and just the concept video he put out was my fav. ALSO THE LYRICS..DO NOT EVEN GET ME STARTEDDD i love his corny ass

7. daydream ft lee hi- NO ONE ELSE CAN DO THIS SONG LIKE LEE HI CAN DO THIS SONG. i am so glad he asked her to be on this song it made such a statement and she always adds so much emotion and story to songs she literally is like no other artist to me i love her so much. this song has such meaning behind it and literally throws me into daydream mode.

8. lover- literally he needs to shut up HE is MY girlfriend what are these lyrics what is this song and why do i love it???? like the "bang bang" part???? this mf spoiled this part months ago. why is this song so addictive

9. alive - why does this song remind me of bobby??? is it the flow??? the beat???? i think its the flow. it rlly emphasizes hanbins flow and ability to be fast af boy. also the intro reminds me of like a final fantasy song??

10. nerd ft colde- WHEN I HEARD COLDE WAS GONNA BE ON THIS SONG. dude i love colde and his voice adds like a cherry on top to this song and again it just rlly helps hanbins vocals in the song. the beat...hanbin is so sexy for these beats omfg....

11. cosmos - miss ma'am....this song is such a breathe of fresh air from hanbin. i'm so glad he made this the title track bc its something different from me that he needs to highlight. he said he was gonna do some more happy songs and this is what im taking about!!! he listened!!! although its not the most catchy imo because i typically like songs more like flame where the beat is intense and the lyrics are more tough i guess?? this song is so nice and created perfectly. AND AGAIN WITH SINGER HANBIN

12. illa illa- there he goes with those catchy beats this mans brain...i would like to pick apart his brain for a bit because the way he can just make songs like these?? this entire song is so catchy im glad he did this as his official comeback song

13. flow away - did this mf make this song with tablo because this sounds straight off an epik high album im not kidding. the flow he has and the beat he created is SO similar to tablos flow. which because of that this song is amazing, composed beautifully

14. stay ft tablo- my first reaction to this song was "OH??" because it sounds like hanbin but also???? nothing like hanbin which is amazing because it shows his range. tablo ofc is amazing but whats new here, not sure how about his verse and how it fits into the song but i still rlly like it regardless

15. numb- I FEEL SO NUUUUUUUMBBBB. tbh this song isnt my fav but its still a good song ofc. i think it rlly shows hanbins range of switching from slow rapping to singing. his singing has gotten way better over time and im glad hes using his voice like that more

16. gray- there he goes again with those funky beats you go funky man. this song is rlly fun and i think the beat is rlly dope. just not my fav personally. does make me wanna dance tho

17. then - this song reminds me of apology for some reason??? the beat gives the same tempo and vibe as apology for me. also who fucking hurt him??? i mean other than the obvious *cough* yg *cough* but like....mr ive never had a girlfriend before sure knows how to talk about breaking up and having heartbreak HMM das suspicious das weird (coming from a girl who has technically never dated but has experienced heartbreak lmao)

OKAY I COULD ADD MORE TO EVERY SONG BUT MY BRAIN HURTS

#ask #mutuals #hanbin

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arysafics · 4 years ago

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prompt: clarke finds bellamys old online dating account thats obvious he hasnt used in forever, but she sees all his preferences are exactly the opposite of her (i.e. tall, brunette etc.) which makes her insecure. then he can convince her she hit him out of nowhere?

haven’t had much time to write lately since i’ve just moved apartments, but here’s a little something to tide you over until i can finish my next proper fic

like a freight train

rated t, ~1.7k words

Clarke hasn’t been on a dating site in forever, so honestly, it’s kind of fun to help Emori set up her profile. Things hadn’t ended well with Murphy, and after a string of Tinder hookups, Emori claims she’s ready to really move on and try a proper dating site, the one Raven met her current boyfriend Shaw on. There’s a sign-up fee and everything.

So Raven and Clarke have had fun picking Emori’s best photos, writing her bio, and selecting all her preferences, while Emori vetoed all their worst suggestions, and now they’re onto the really fun part—vetting the men.

They’re crowded around Emori’s laptop, sitting on her living room floor. A selection of thirty matches have come up for Emori, and the way it works is you don’t actually get to see the guy’s photo unless you agree to the match based solely on his biographical information.

“Why do all men either love fishing or cars?” Clarke asks, after the fourth man Emori has declined based on the fact that he will clearly never love a woman more than he loves his four-wheel drive.

“It would be fine if they had other interests too,” Emori says. “I like cars. And I could like fishing, I don’t know, I’ve never tried it.”

“Ooh, okay, what about this guy?” Raven interjects, then starts reading his bio from the screen.

“Looking for someone like-minded who enjoys fitness and the outdoors, particularly hiking and cycling. I also love kayaking, rock-climbing, soccer, and basketball. Would love to find someone to share those passions with me. I love a woman who can cook, not because I can’t (I can) but because I think great food is a way to share culture, history, and passion.

I want somebody laidback, who isn’t afraid to go with the flow and be spontaneous. I don’t vibe well with people who are intense or highly-strung. I hate country music and refuse to listen to it, yes, that includes Taylor Swift. Especially Taylor Swift.”

Clarke interjects then. “Emori, I don’t know about you, but I could never be with a guy who doesn’t like Taylor Swift.”

“You know I only listen to metal.”

“Shh, I’m not done,” Raven huffs. “Looks aren’t as important, but I’m partial to tall brunettes.”

Clarke snorts out a laugh. “This guy would hate me.”

“Yeah, but he’s perfect for Emori. What do you think, Em?”

“First halfway decent guy, I vote yes.”

Raven, who for some reason is the one in control of the laptop, hits the accept match button. Immediately, the man’s photo and name pops up, and immediately, Clarke’s stomach drops. Raven and Emori both erupt into fits of uncontrollable laughter. Because, of course, it’s Bellamy. Clarke’s very own boyfriend.

“Clarke, you better watch out, Emori’s going to steal your man.”

“He must have lowered his standards since then, Clarke,” Emori jokes. Clarke isn’t laughing.

Actually, quite the opposite. She feels like she might burst into tears. Her chest is all tight, and she knows her reaction is probably unjustified, but she can’t help it.

“Grow up, Clarke,” Raven says, rolling her eyes when she notices Clarke’s expression. “We’re just kidding around.”

“I know,” Clarke snaps. “I don’t care about that.”

“What then?” Emori asks. “You don’t think he’s actually still using this, do you? The photo is obviously so old, he clearly hasn’t been on here in years. Look,” she adds, pointing out the last active section on his profile, “last active 2012.”

Clarke nods, her jaw tight. It’s not that either, but she doesn’t feel like explaining it to her friends. “Yeah, you’re right,” she says, forcing a smile. “I’m being stupid.”

“Exactly,” Raven agrees. “Okay, who’s the next guy?” She turns her attention back to the screen.

“I think I’m going to take off,” Clarke says. “Bellamy gave me a shopping list, I’m supposed to pick some stuff up so he can make dinner.”

“Okay, whatever,” Raven says. “See you later. We’ll let you know if Emori finds the love of her life.”

Clarkes picks herself up off the floor, says a quick goodbye and hurries out of there. She’s not really in the mood anymore.

She does Bellamy’s grocery shopping on the way home, taking longer than she needs to, because for once she’s actually not eager to see him. The things he wrote in his dating profile haunt her. How is it possible that when he described his ideal woman, he described the exact opposite of Clarke? If those are the things he wants, what is he even doing with her?

She’s not tall, or brunette, for starters. Clarke hates fitness and the outdoors, and she especially hates sports. She’s not a terrible cook, but she’s not exactly Masterchef material, and she doesn’t enjoy it, just does it out of necessity. She’s intense, and uptight, and high-maintenance—and she fucking loves Taylor Swift.

Emori was right, Bellamy clearly lowered his standards.

She makes it home eventually, and Bellamy is already in the kitchen, getting dinner prepped. He’s got on his navy apron, that Clarke bought for him, with his name specially embroidered on the front.

Clarke dumps the bags of groceries on the counter, and Bellamy looks up from where he’s chopping onions, and gives her a heart-melting smile.

“Just in time,” he says, putting the knife down and wiping his hands on his apron. He reaches for her, with the clear intent of kissing her, but Clarke pulls away from him, still hurt from reading his old dating profile. His wounded expression makes her feel a little guilty, but not enough to overshadow her dejection.

“What’s wrong?” he asks.

Clarke takes a deep breath. She has to talk about the calmly and maturely—they promised each other they always would. No passive-aggressive comments, or screaming matches, or walking out in silence because of a lack of proper communication. That’s how Clarke’s last relationship ended.

“Raven and I were helping Emori set up a dating profile today,” she explains. “And one of her matches was you.”

Bellamy hesitates, and she can see the gears turning in his head. “And you think…I’m still on dating sites?” he guesses. “I’m not, Clarke, I promise. I was on a few back in my twenties. I guess I didn’t delete all of them.”

“No, I know,” Clarke says. “It’s not that. It’s—it’s what you said in your bio. About what kind of woman you want.”

Bellamy groans. “Did I say something grossly offensive and misogynistic? If so, Murphy probably wrote it, he was helping me out with them.”

Clarke shakes her head. “It was all perfectly respectable. It’s just—it wasn’t me.”

Bellamy stares at her. “Well—I didn’t know you then.”

“No, but you seemed pretty certain about what you wanted. A fit, tall, brunette, who loves sports and cooking and sucking your dick.”

“I’m sure I didn’t say that last one. Besides, you do love sucking my dick.”

“That’s not the point,” Clarke huffs. “The woman you want is the complete opposite of me. Why are you even with me, when you could have anyone you want?”

Her voice cracks on the last sentence, and the tears spill over. She tries to blink them away to save herself the embarrassment, but it’s no use.

“Clarke, baby,” Bellamy says, all gentle and loving. He pulls her into his arms, and she lets him. There’s nothing more comforting than his embrace, even if he’s partly the reason she’s upset.

“I have exactly who I want,” he says. “All that other stuff is meaningless, just dot points on a list I thought I could check off and magically find the perfect partner. I was what, twenty-five? And a complete idiot. I didn’t know what I wanted.”

“But I’m not laid back or fun, and I don’t go hiking with you, or canoeing or whatever,” she sobs into his chest.

Bellamy kisses the top of her head, then pulls her back so he can look into her eyes. “Truth is, I once thought that stuff mattered. I was counting on meeting that woman, I was on every dating site, looking for her. But then I met you, and there was no magic dating algorithm that could have predicted that. You hit me like a fucking freight train, Clarke. As soon as I met you, I knew I was done for. You’re it, you’re absolutely it for me. I love your intensity, I love that you care so much, that you’re so organised. I love how you pretend to care about sports for me. I love cooking for you, knowing how much you appreciate it because you hate doing it yourself. I love you. I love you. Understand?”

Clarke nods, and she’s absolutely bawling now, but for entirely different reasons. He’s said he loves her a million times, of course, and she loves hearing it. But he’s never laid it out quite like that—never had the reassurance of him telling her he loves her exactly as she is, not in spite of her faults but because of them.

“You’re still crying,” he says worriedly. “Do you still not believe me? Because—”

Clarke cuts him off with a wet kiss, still half crying. He’s too surprised to kiss her back properly before she pulls away. “I love you too,” she says.

He nods, a little bewildered.

“I love you,” she repeats, kissing him again, and this time he kisses her back. “I love you, I love you, more than you will ever know.”

He brushes his nose against hers, then presses his lips against her tear-stained cheek. “I think I might have some idea,” he whispers.

“You know, in your dating profile,” Clarke murmurs, “you also said you hate Taylor Swift.”

Bellamy chuckles. “Well, you definitely fixed that,” he says. “Is that what you were really upset about? Did I not sing every lyric when we went on that road trip and you played nothing but Taylor Swift?”

“Good point,” Clarke says. “I think I’m definitely a good influence on you.”

“Definitely,” Bellamy agrees. “Now, back to Emori’s dating profile—you know this is going to crush Murphy, right?”

#bellarke #bellarke fanfiction #the 100 #the 100 fanfiction #mine #prompts filled #Anonymous

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johnhelliwell · 1 year ago

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I did a twitter thread so Tumblr also has to read it:

Finally getting around to do my complete MA2 listen on its birthday.

Bones is a pretty good opener imo. The like, little intro sound definitely fits as an intro sound. Overall it's a pretty good song as well, not my fave tho. Still think it's crazy this song is at 800 million streams after a little over a year. Music video is also top tier.

I didn't really appreciate Symphony that well on the first few listens. I definitely really like it now. It's such a feel good song but such a stark contrast to what most of the album is about. I still think the whole saying the instrument and then hearing thing is cool as well

I remember the whole ARG with Sharks. How I was trying my utter best to solve it with the Discord and then when I finally decided to sleep it was solved lol. I absolutely loved it on first listen. Probably like it a little less now tho still a good one.

I don't like myself, damn. Firstly the instrumentation is like really good on this. The whole beat is very catchy. I really thank Wayne for being like, "no Dan this should be on the album." Because I love it and it's something I can relate to. The lyrics hit hard even when ....

They're a little repetitive. I feel maybe the repetitiveness fits this song quite well. Even at the end. Especially "I've got so much more to live for, than what you think of me." Is sooo hard hitting.

Blur, my absolute beloved. Fun fact I cried to this song once when I was feeling very bad lol. But once again, the lyrics are soooo relatable. And I feel like this song has gone underappreciated in the whole "not a real guitar discussion."

Higher Ground! I like this song so much. It's sooo like sort of intense in the sense that the

chorus straight up makes me feel powerful. Also the "I am the witness, the genesis, the reason" and everything around that part is soooo good. And then the small part where...

Instrumentation sorta stops and the only extra sounds behind the main vocals are echoing back vocals. That's such a cool part to me.

Crushed.... So fucking sad I cannot stop crying to it especially since the music video got released.

It actually started as a demo by Platz from his studio!

A lot of people don't like the vocals but to me it just so clearly shows the desperation. I feel like people are used by very hard powerful vocals by Dan but this is just as beautiful.

Take it Easy is so interesting. I really didn't like it at first. It's still not a fave but I've learned to appreciate it more. I specifically like the instrumentation at the end. I just think it sounds a little much like a demo. Imo it would've been cool to hear a complete.....

Song with the instrumentation near the end. Like genuinely I really like that just not much of the rest.

Waves, I'll be bawling my eyes out! It's such an ugh sad song and especially today it hits even harder. The lyrics here are so well well written as well imo. Example: "Driving through the prime of your life" while referencing a car crash is very clever imo...

Also the "oh, I was singing in the prime of my life" hits sooo hard. Then going to near the end of the song where the music dies down and then gets going again is also such a cool moment to me. The song was sadly ruined for some people by the whole "plottwist" debacle and I...

Hate that so much cuz the song does not deserve that at all.

I'm Happy - ahhhh "What's wrong with me? Is there somebody else inside my head that doesn't want me to be happy." Feels like a lot of what I personally feel finally put into words. It's sooo nice. The only thing I don't really like is the bridge but the instrumental in it is nice

The ending is very nice btw I really like this one

Ferris Wheel arrgh. I'm not one for love songs usually but this one is soo sweet and generally just makes me sooo sad. I don't have much to comment on it, I just think it's a very sweet song and very well done.

The start of Peace of Mind sounds like a broken record. Not calling it POM cuz tb to when Dan heard people were calling it that lol. Anyway, it's an interesting song. I like it example:

"Everything is meaningless, at least that's how it feels, feels real bad" hits hard..

And I'm not sure why. I guess this song just also really resonates with me. I can maybe see why someone might think it's weird lyrics or just a weird song. But it just fits with me and that's what matters to me

Only near the end "then you came into my life" like bro where is my person smh.

Sirens! Sirens! Sirens! Everything about this song hits. This should always be listened to with headphones as loud as possible. It just scratches my brain so good. The instrumentation is really good the lyrics are also relatable. Like as someone that sometimes genuinely feels..

Like there's sirens in my mind. And the "I just wanna be good again, I want to make it to the end" argh I'm gonna scream its soo good. It's so nice and calming in a way. I could listen to it on a loop for ages.

Tied is also a really good song. It's well done it's just unfortunate what happened after. And also something else on a personal level. As said it's by no means a bad song but it's not a song for me particularly. Still very beautiful.

Younger! Such a good song. Please bring it back on tour! It's like that song that low-key gives you summer vibes ya know? The whole song feels like it's being held back a little however it's like waiting for the break which does happen obviously...

And it's with a Wayne guitar solo so I will not complain. Actually the whole leading up to the guitar solo is in a very nice way. The only thing I also have with the song is that the force field like is low-key cringe but also real so

I Wish is such a heart breaking song. I personally dislike the placement of it on the album but aside from that I haven't got many complaints. The emotion in Dan's voice is very clear and the laid back instrumental fits it very well.

The "Oh I always too busy, no I didn't make the time." Is soo sad as well. Throughout the whole album you can hear Dan's regret and mourning so well. And it definitely brings out a lot of empathy. Also personally I like the end picking up a few strings.

Continual, so many people claim it as the worst ID song while I do not agree. I think people are heavily influenced by it being a feature and maybe a genre they're not completely into. It's by no means a bad song and actually a very well polished song....

It's far from my favorite on Mercury but it does not deserve the hate it gets, at all. Also aside from being a master at Organs. Cory Henry also has a beautiful voice that very much has to be said.

They don't know you like I do is the perfect album closer. It fits the usual 'long(ish) song'. The song is absolutely heartbreaking and such a sad way to send the album but also just a very good way....

It tells a story in like some form of chronogical order very well while still being a song. The end of the second verse is absolutely heartbreaking and sooo fucking powerful

The da da da's at the end are often seen as bad by many people but I personally find them super fitting. To me it's always seemed like a "Welp, this is it" and with that a great way to end an album.

Happy first birthday to Mercury - Act 2

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i-am-just-a-kiddo · 4 years ago

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2020 year in a review

thanks for tagging me @vishcount, eventhough you probably know all of these answers already. i don’t know if i am gonna do the other one, let’s see. tagging @the-cloud-whisperer, @sassyassassy, @intyalote as usual, if you have fun with this! I really tried to rank these amongst the top five, which was a personal challenge for me, so don’t take these rankings too seriously. my answers below the cut cause there is a novel incoming:

Top 5 Movies you saw this year

I don’t watch many movies in general, though I have seen quite a handful this year actually? I might have forgotten half of it already tbh

Moonlit Winter (2019) -I have been waiting to find this movie online for ages, so I was incredibly happy when I finally found it at the beginning of this year. It’s wonderful, heartbreaking and raw - about the relationship between mother and daughter, about lost queer love between the mother and her friend, about life in general. I cried buckets.

Parasite (2019) -do I have to say anything? I don’t think so, this movie defined many this year right?

The King and the Clown (2005) -pleasantly surprised by this one, it made me cry and sad and it’s not a happy gay story but it still touched me so much. also the production is amazing

Mulan (2009) -I rewatched this movie this year after hearing about the chaos that was Mulan 2020, and it still gets me; I don’t know what it is, but it might be the last part of the movie that always hits me like a train and I am back to thinking about it

Inside The Girls (2014) -not actually a good movie with a horrible name, but certainly interesting and had some potential?? I am listing it because I had a lot of fun watching it with my dear friend vish and it was fun sharing our opinions on that, but I don’t actually recommend it that much (unless of course you wanna see Cheng Yi and Yin Zheng in a movie together being assholes)

Top 5 TV shows you watched this year

I probably watched around 20 shows this year so picking this was hard somehow? I feel like I forgot some gems but I guess these are the ones that stood out to me

Nirvana In Fire (2015) -by far the best show I’ve seen in a long time. The plot, the characters, the production - it really blew me away. I can’t recommend it enough because I still cry about it.

Winter Begonia (2020) -Funny how I am listing this here so high considering the split opinions I have about this show but damnit, in the end it won me over. It was truly something else wow.

The Stranded (Netflix 2019) -Another surprise, but I just remembered this little show and it was so good? I really hope we will get a second season because I loved the first one and it was way too short. Also the production of this is so stunning, as well as the interesting set of characters.

Original Sin (2018) -This was a gem I discovered in the latter part of the year, mainly because of Yin Zheng, but when I watched it, it hit my mood perfectly. A crime show that has a beautiful atmosphere and is focused on characters. It has its faults and if you watch it for the cases and the plot, it’s not the most outstanding show but damnit, I watched it twice and loved it.

YYY: The Series (2020) -Amongst all these BL shows out there, this is my personal gem. It’s a wild ride of crack and sweetness, so enter at your own risk. let me just say I did not expect to bawl my eyes out at this tiny cracky show.

Top 5 songs of 2020

it really sucks having to choose only five songs but here I go from the huge amount of stuff I have listened to

Black Swan by BTS -this is pure art. in every way, it caters to my taste. I have nothing else to say except that it owns my soul. the visuals, the atmosphere, the music, the lyrics, the performance. it hits all marks and hurts me on a personal level.

Strange (feat. RM) by Agust D -this mixtape saved me and choosing my fave song from this was difficult but I guess I have to name this iconic collab. The lyrics of this are truly....something else. if you have time, please go check them out, as well as the entire mixtape.

Pain by Vaundy -I have been very obsessed with this song and this singer, he has my heart.

Rien à prouver by Yseult -again, I am just obsessed with this song and her voice, Yseult truly is a goddess to me at this point

Zombie by Day6 -perfectly captures my mind, my life and my state this year.

Top 5 books you read in 2020 I have only read two novels this year, everything else was either university stuff or poetry, so this is what I am mostly listing here.

Gyeongju. The Capital of Golden Silla by Sarah Milledge Nelson -I used this as my main source for one of my fics I wrote this year and it was perfect. I spent an intense week of only researching for this topic and had a blast; especially this book was a blessing because it gave a good overview of what life back then could have been like.

Call Down the Hawk by Maggie Stiefvater -one of the novels I read this year and I’ve been waiting for this for ages. Like the other books from TRC, I bingeread it on one day and adored it. Am excited for the rest of the trilogy and this new adventure!

Beyond The First Emperor’s Mausoleum: New Perspectives On Qin Art, edited by Liu Yang -I read this for one of my lectures and I thought it had very interesting essays, namely Archaeological Finds of the Maijiayuan Cemetery and Qin’s Interaction with Steppe Cultures by Wang Hui; and Qin Cosmography and the First Cosmic Capital - Xianyang by David W. Pankenier.

The Mongol Empire. Betweem Myth and Reality by Denise Aigle -another one I read for lectures and it was a good overview to the broad topic that is the Mongol Empire.

Night Sky With Exit Wounds by Ocean Vuong -I adore Vuong’s writing style so I hope to read more of his work. This is a beautiful, raw and honest work and I hope many more will read his book and the stories he has to tell.

+ Bonus: Affinity by Sarah Waters - wlw set in 19th century London; very dark and spooky and very fun to read if you like this sort of atmosphere (as I do).

5 positive things that happened in 2020

i managed to write and create a lot during the first half of this year, which i will treasure greatly. recently i have been struggling a lot - maybe it’s getting back on track now, but i guess i am still proud of all i managed to write/draw/other wise create this year.

amazing new flatmates joined our collective so i feel happy that we have this pleasant dynamic going on currently

i acquired some new housplants which have made me very happy this year, eventhough i struggle a little bit to keep them completely happy. am truly trying my best

i started taking medications for my depression, anxiety and social phobia in autumn and i think it was for the best. i still struggle from time to time but i truly feel a difference and i am glad this worked out mostly smoothly for me

in september we went on a short holiday in on the countryside and on the last night we all went outside to sit on the pier by a small pond. i will never forget this moment because after what felt like ages, i saw a crystal clear night sky. i haven’t seen so many stars in years and i could even see their reflections on the water, it was so magical and breathtaking. i think it was the one moment that still stands out from everything else. i just wish to return there, on my own, and just lie down for hours

anyway, if you have read through this rambling, i wish you a very happy new year and hope things will get better!!

#phew #am finally done with this #i did not expect this to take so long lol #but it's nice #tag game #2020 #personal

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jjungkookiex · 5 years ago

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My review/thoughts on MOTS7!

This album blew me away in terms of the lyrics, sound composition, EVERYTHING in fact so I figured that I would write a little review of it! Listening to every past BTS album brings me acutely to a period of my life when it was first released so I’m curious to see what memories I’ll forever associate with MOTS7

Interlude: Shadow- From the moment the MV was dropped I was speechless by this masterpiece. It sets the tone for this album so incredibly well by setting up the parallels between fighting your shadows and being engulfed by them. This constant battle I feel is central to the album as a whole. The alternation between Yoongi’s whispered beginning of “I wanna be a rapstar” “I wanna be king” to the Agust D esque switch of flow at the end almost seems as though his shadow is talking back to him. It is as though he realises that he cannot escape it but must embrace it to emerge from it. And also his INSANE flow and fluidity of rap is just something else, this song was made for Suga.

Black Swan- This has got to be one of my favourite songs from the album, I was hooked by the dark, almost classical intrumentals paired with the urgency of the vocals and rap. I feel as though this is one of the most introspective songs the boys have ever written, with the analogy of the dancer’s first death working to illustrate how art is all consuming for the creator. The pulsing beat underneath the vocals and rap served as a reminder of how important it is for artists to have something that literally makes their heart beat. It’s rare when songs make you truly analyse not only the lyrics but your relation to them and Black Swan 100% did that for me.

Filter- This had me HOOKED from the first few strings and the smooth Latin beat made me imagine listening to this whist walking through a bustling city at sunset. Jimin’s vocal range and siren like vocals make this song alluring and addictive in a way that no other singer could have done. The lyrics are playful and confident yet simultaneously deep. Jimin realises how attractive his various sides are to millions around the world and he owns that, yet he’s also aware that what people see is mostly akin to a filter, not reality in itself.

My Time- I’m so proud of Jungkook for experimenting and creating different sounds for each of his solo tracks and My Time is no exception. His beautiful airy vocals echo and blend perfectly with the lowkey beat. The lyrics hit hard when you realise that Jungkook’ s time scale of life has been directly opposite to that of his peers. He’s grown up on airplanes while they took the subway and you get a sense of yearning from his voice, a yearning for maybe the childhood and things he missed out on. Yet there’s a sense of assertion, that he owns his time has been different and accepts his fate.

Louder than bombs- I 100% understand why Namjoon cried writing this song. It so perfectly encapsulates the sense of fear and desperation that arises from uncertainty in one’s position in life. Troye did such a great job helping the boys with this song because it sounds sonically like the pair of them together. Even though this song is one of the darker numbers on the album it is offset by the small hints of hope. Namjoon’s mantra that he’s going to “pray for better days” is so striking because often in life that’s all you can do when you’re breaking- hope that things will change and the majority of the time they do, so you need to keep that fire of hope alive in you.

ON- On is a certified bop and its so INTENSE with the drum beats in the beginning. This song is going to be amazing in concerts with its anthemic rhythm and the lyrics “bring the pain on” and “can’t hold me down cos I’m a fighter” are so empowering. I feel this song embraces the pain and hardship with the confidence of the rap and vocals coming together to say- bad things will happen but we’ll emerge stronger and surge ON.

UGH!- Even from the title I could tell that this queen was going to sit with her sisters Ddaeng and Cypher. I’m so incredibly proud of our rapline they SNAPPED, like the flow, the wordplay the artistry?? The gunshots immediately grabbed my attention and the build up the chorus which hits like a gut punch is EVERYTHING. The way they discuss anger is so pertinent, with the rise of social media people unleash their anger on whoever they choose whilst hiding behind a screen on anonymity. Anger, like they say, is necessary but only when it can be used as a motivator for justice. Petty cowardly anger, like that which is directed towards BTS, can only lead to pain and that is what our rapline so masterfully condemns.

Zero O Clock- This is my new healing song, the acoustic guitar and soothing vocals are like a warm hug. The chorus is so uplifting and assuring, just hearing the gentle refrain of “and you’re gonna be happy” is so comforting. This reminds me of curling up on a winter’s day and finding comfort in small things and happy memories regardless of the storm that rages outside. The way that BTS never tell you meaningless words like “don’t be sad”, instead they assure you that sadness will not last forever and that the metaphorical spring will brighten your life once more.

Inner Child- Tae’s solo track radiates innocence and I am so in love with it. The way that he accepts his past and the hard times he went through and instead of allowing himself to dwell on it, he looks to the future. The refrain “we gon change” is going to be so uplifting at concerts. Even though our boys bring us so much joy we have to remember they’ve been through so many trials in the past. It’s comforting to know that I’ve gone through struggles alongside him and we can both move on whilst still recognising that our scars are the reason we are here now and that they prove we are alive and capable of healing.

Friends- One of my favourites from this album hands down. This makes me so inexplicably happy. It reminds of walking home hands intertwined with your best friend after school, late night conversations and inside jokes that make you double over whilst still containing that deep and powerful love you share with your soulmate alone. And isn’t that just vmin encapsulated? I can’t wait to see they perform this live, the Stay! Hey! part makes me so nostalgic and makes me want to reassure them that they’ll always have each other and the cheers of us, their ARMY. The part where they acknowledge their relationship as soulmates made me BAWL, their bond is one of such purity and rarity and I’m honoured to even witness it.

Moon- Another one of my all time favourites from this album. This could be the soundtrack for a slice of life anime and it is so bright and cheery, like Jin himself. His sweet vocals and the beat fits the spring season so well and the lyrics made me so soft. The way he uses the metaphor of him being the moon and circling us, his precious earth made me realise even more how much his man ADORES us. How could anyone sleep on Jin?? He’s songwriting is so pure and his presence gives me such comfort and hope, you’re so much more than just a moon Jin. You’re our one and only moon.

Respect- Namgi you geniuses! The wordplay, playful banter and topic matter are so unique in this song that I knew that it could only be made for the two of them. Respect I feel at the foundation of all relationships, can you ever have a healthy and mutual relationship with anyone or thing if you don’t respect them? With their distinctive rap that blends and flows so well with each other Namgi discuss the concept of respect and what it really means in the modern world when people place a veneer over their actions and words so as to disguise whether or not they truly respect you. As artists all I feel Bangtan want is people to respect them, not idolise them, but respect their artistry and work and sadly in an world where people hold numerous prejudices this is hard. Kudos to them for exploring this topic in a way that is simultaneously light with the satori at the end but still very thought provoking.

We are Bulletproof: The Eternal- I was 100% expecting this song to be a hardcore hip hop track so imagine my surprise to find a song that made its way into my BTS songs I can’t listen to casually because they mean too much to me and will make me bawl in public tracklist. The gorgeously haunting melody, the angelic vocals and intensely emotional rap has me in tears. When they sing “We were only seven” and “But we have you all now” I lost it. The memories I have of BTS who were my second family for the majority of my youth, the times we spent together, the music that was the soundtrack to my life. The way they adore us and find comfort and hope from us... this song really made me believe that I’m going to love them forever and vice versa. It makes me less scared to go on the rollercoaster that is life knowing that I will always have Bangtan beside me.

Outro:Ego- I saw a post that said Namjoon looks up to his Persona, Yoongi’s Shadow looks down on him but Hobi is the only one who is at the same level as, and looks his Ego right in the eye. I feel this song is such a wonderful upbeat positive track that is so Hoseok?? The way that he accepts his fate and looks forward and is confident and happy in the person he is now? This is going to be amazing at all the summer concerts and it just radiates such joy and never fails to make me dance. The perfect ending to an album that chronicles the ups and downs of BTS’s relationship with their career and selves and ultimately ends on such a bright note of hope and happiness.

#MOTS7 review #bts

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roryslade · 4 years ago

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𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐬 𝐢𝐭 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭. 𝟐 // self-para

𝐖𝐇𝐎: Rory Slade (mentions of Julien, Ivy, Bella, Ruby, Kyler)

𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐍: Thursday, August 6th. Evening.

𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄: Finn Hudson Auditorium

𝐓𝐋;𝐃𝐑: On opening night, Miss Rory Slade gives a nice little charged performance of The Winner Takes It All after catching Julien and Ivy in the act.

Opening night. It was supposed to be the best night of her life. She was the lead in the school musical and what was more important than that? Nothing. She had spent the last few hours getting ready in her Donna costume, making sure she looked the part, and chatted with others as they waited to go on but after her boyfriend mysteriously disappeared after brushing off the fact that he was going to the bathroom, she decided to look for him since they only had about 20 minutes before showtime, but once she went looking for him, she only found him in the choir room kissing Ivy St. James.

She had freaked out, naturally, but she couldn’t bring herself to actually argue. She should have known this would happen. She was ridiculous for believing that he wouldn’t, but she had really put all of her faith into believing he had changed and maybe she was too caught up in the idea of falling in love and being in some musical theatre power couple to care about the signs; his closeness with Ivy, him disappearing multiple times at parties, the way he’d act nervous whenever Ivy was mentioned. It didn’t take a genius to catch on and people had warned although it was mainly through an anonymous inbox but still, maybe if she had listened she wouldn’t be staring daggers into Julien Schuester’s eyes five minutes before open curtain in the McKinley hallways.

Once she got back to the auditorium, she darted to the hair and makeup station and fixed her mascara. “You can do this,” she whispered to herself. She wasn’t nervous about playing Donna. In fact, she thought she could play Donna in here sleep by this point, but she was scared that she’d break down into tears when she was sharing the stage with Ivy or Julien and that she’d ruin everything for everyone else. She needed to be strong. For everyone. She was good at doing that, holding her head high and pretending like she was okay when deep down she just wanted to be treated like every other 16 year old girl; she just wanted to be treated with love. Was that such a crazy thing to ask for?

After what felt like forever, she was finally on stage with Bella and Ruby and the next hour seemed to pass in a blur. Truly, Rory thought she had blacked out for most of the musical but she felt like she came back to life when it was time for Slipping Through My Fingers. It was hard to get through the song since she had to pretend to like Ivy and act like she hadn’t watched Ivy shove her tongue down her boyfriend’s throat in the choir room. A few tears had slipped out but Rory played it off as if it was in character. You know, playing it off as a mother who’s daughter is about to get married.

Following along was The Winner Takes It All. Admittedly Rory’s new favorite song to perform because it fit her voice perfectly but now it was going to hit a little harder than the rest of the music with the lyrics that seemed to reflect everything she had witnessed thirty minutes before the show started. The scene changed and she was on stage with Kyler Lynn acting out their very best, although Rory’s was a little less act and a bit more like projecting what she was currently going through.

“I don’t wanna talk,” the blonde started off singing followed by a light shrug. Rory really was in her element when she was performing, she felt like she belonged there and by this point in the show, not even Ivy St. James rushing on stage telling her she was pitchy would ruin the current high she was on. She was sad and hurt, but this is what she loved and she’d put 110% in it every single time. “The winner takes it all,” she sang softly, using the stage to walk around and visually show the audience that Donna didn’t want to deal with Sam at the moment. Similar to how she didn’t want to talk about what happened with Julien. Talking would just make it all real and she’d be the one coming out looking like the idiot that believed him.

“I was in your arms, thinking I belonged there,” she looked at Kyler, dramatically wrapping one arm around herself. This was not the song to be singing for what she was dealing with. It made it easier that she was looking at Kyler who she considered a friends because if she was actually looking at Julien or singing to him, she’d be a blubbering mess. It did make sense to be with Julien. So much sense that it hurt to even think about. Maybe it made sense for Ivy and Julien to be together but Julien was too soft, too kind to be with Ivy but now, maybe it is who he deserved because he showed his true colors tonight which were anything but kind.

“The gods may throw a dice, their minds as cold as ice,” she sang out as she threw her arm out to indicate a ‘throwing’ motion. As she continued to sing, she walked around Kyler in a 360 motion, returning to her original spot. “Tell me does she kiss like I used to kiss you?” That was the line that got her. More importantly, it was a line that got her as she glanced offstage for a brief moment, locking eyes with Julien who was peeking behind a curtain. Her eyes began to well and even though she was caught off guard for a second, she continued singing, allowing her emotions to slightly take over. It felt like she was directly singing this to Julien, even if it wasn’t literally.

“The judges will decide,” she belted out as she reflected on everything that led her to this moment. In a way, she understood Ivy for a moment. She had been the other woman at some point. She let Kaden use her over and over again despite being in a relationship of his own and he kept telling her that he was going to break up with his girlfriend but that day never came and Rory was the one left with a broken heart and now here she was again with a broken heart, but she was the girlfriend this time. A couple of tear began to fall but she made sure to keep herself in check so there weren’t intense waterworks, just a normal amount so everything would appear to be in character.

“I apologize if it makes you feel bad,“ even though Rory didn’t have a full story, she still felt awful that Julien had cheated on her with Ivy. She could handle if it had been anyone else, but Rory had always felt like the second choice to Ivy. When it came to boys, solos, popularity, the blue eyed girl just had the upper hand at all times and when Rory began dating Julien she felt like she had finally one upped Ivy, but she hadn’t and that in itself hurt her. She always thought of herself as better than Ivy in every aspect but somehow Ivy still got everything she wanted and that somehow included Rory’s own boyfriend.

Once the song was finished, she quickly walked off stage to collect herself before she started bawling. At least she just had to get through three more songs and the finale and then she’d be done for the night and she could just order in Breadstix and sulk.

#// pls forgive the writing bc my brain was fried #self para: the winner takes it all pt. 2

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minkillah · 5 years ago

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hello everyone!! my name’s lua, my pronouns are she/her and i’m a resident of gmt+1. i’m super excited for this group to get rolling so i can write with you all. i play choi minki (kim taehyung) of lotto fame. if you’re interested in interacting with him just ♡ this post and i’ll give you all of my love.

born and raised in busan’s gamcheon village, south korea, the former underground rapper turned ambitious lotto all-rounder has been under marathon entertainment for nine years. winners know him as the unspoken protector of the group, and his observant nature allows him to encapsulate ideas in his music with a persuasive edge, but he’s at times criticized for being too eccentric and sardonic.

OVERVIEW

FULL NAME: choi minki

STAGE NAME: MINKI, minkillah (pre-debut/underground)

NICKNAME(S): min, key

GENDER (PRONOUNS): cismale (he/him)

DATE OF BIRTH (AGE): 1994, march 5th. (25)

HOMETOWN: gamcheon village in busan, south korea

RESIDENCE: seoul, south korea

OCCUPATION: lead rapper, vocalist and visual of lotto.

SEXUALITY: bisexual.

HEIGHT: 181cm

HAIR COLOR: naturally jet black (often dyed for his job, currently dark brown)

EYE COLOR: dark brown

TATTOOS: upper arm white tiger (sleeve tattoo, is a work in progress), roman numeral wrist tattoos (left wrist: lotto debut date / right wrist: his mother's birthday)

PIERCINGS: several in his ears.

SCAR: small childhood scar along his knee from falling on broken glass at the beach.

NOTABLE FEATURES: intense and piercing eyes / long eyelashes / big hands / deep voice / nose, cheek and lip moles / big boxy smile.

FACE CLAIM: kim taehyung

PERSONALITY

POSITIVE: protective, contemplative, playful, mischievous, ambitious, loyal, soulful, creative, plainspoken, focused, steadfast, sentimental, observant, intuitive, tenacious, passionate, wry.

NEGATIVE: eccentric, sardonic, juvenile, intense, pent-up, stubborn, hard to know, single-minded, competitive, temperamental, moody, untrusting, all-or-nothing.

LIKES: art, music, anything unique, reading long letters from fans, writing, working, poetry, performing, sincerity, intimacy, the sea, candles, mystery, travelling, warm hands, depth, long conversations, feeling connected to someone, driving at night, visiting home, his mother.

DISLIKES: feeling controlled, invasions of privacy, assumptions, loneliness, boredom, shallow conversations, having his trust broken, spinelessness, being lied to, self-victimizing, blowhards, people who don’t keep their word, his father.

HABITS: staying up late to work on music, collecting headbands and baseball caps, chewing gum, bouncing his leg, man-spreading, calling his mom every day, stuffing his hands into his pockets, scribbling lyrics on things he shouldn’t (napkins, his hand), clicking his tongue, quirking his eyebrows, making funny faces to relax, stretching his neck by tilting his head to the side, rolling his shoulders.

FEARS: losing his mom, never being accepted for who he is, resembling his deadbeat dad, the general public finding out his father left their family.

STYLE: streetwear, skatewear, city-ready and modern, comfortable, relaxed fits, a touch of grunge, baseball caps, logo t-shirts, headbands, thick rimmed glasses, black trousers, hoodies, worn buckle-boots, chunky sneakers, retro runners, wide-cut trousers, shirt tuck, pleated pants.

SMOKE? no.

DRUGS: no.

ALCOHOL: yes.

HEADCANONS

minki’s outer mask of aloofness is a cover for his stormy inner life. he’s always battling between his heart and mind, conscious of how emotions can make him look; sometimes he’s cool and level-headed, and other times he’ll throw his weight around. ultimately he’s emotional and has a great desire for intimacy.

once he lets his guard down, he’s more than willing to show how much he truly cares for someone. for special someones, he feels a poignant love strong enough to walk through the valley of the shadow of death. when these feelings are hard to verbalize, he expresses them best through action.

the promise of emotional depth and soul-level understanding shines out of his eyes. he’s a good listener, maybe because he’s often listening into the hidden layers of what people are saying. his closest relationships are the equivalent of feeling an overwhelming urge to call someone, only to find they were just about to call you.

in a world of tell-all social media, he’s quite a private person. anyone close to him has to be able to keep secrets. the classified files of his personal history are only ever revealed to those who’ve earned his trust.

while it can be hard for minki to let others in, he also intensely needs others, and he needs to go deep with them. it’s important for him to have close friends and special someones who are in it with him for the long haul.

he’s got an animal magnetism on stage and knows how to turn it on for the effect of something tender, edgy, soulful or brutal.

prone to jealousy and paranoia and will do anything to hide it. he needs mutual reassurance in relationships, and betrayal of any kind is the death knell for any relationship with him, friendship or otherwise. a true loyalist.

ambitious and will do whatever he needs to attain his goal. he also has a strong competitive characteristic that pushes him to strive for greatness.

drops one-liners and quotables in public that, for good and bad, will follow him until the end of his career. doesn’t seem to get embarrassed even when he misspeaks in interviews and can help dispel tensions at times using poker-faced humor at his own expense.

minki knew next to nothing about fashion or make up prior to joining the company and was shocked to learn stylists saw enough potential in him to appoint him as "visual" of the group. these days he moves with more awareness in regards to how he represents lotto to the public, and sometimes jokes in interviews that his face does all the work.

shockingly good at aegyo despite his image and the intense vibes his face gives off. variety shows used to love asking him to perform cute gestures and whatnot back in the day, but thankfully that doesn't happen as much now that he's older.

sheds not a single tear all year but can be seen full on bawling at the end of annual fanmeetings.

as the third oldest in the group, he’s something of a bridge between the younger members and the oldest members of lotto.

that big goofy rectangle grin makes him look like a different person when he smiles.

one of the members most likely to slip into satoori.

plays the piano; currently learning guitar.

RELATIONSHIPS

MOTHER: choi misun (52), a writer and local artist in gamcheon culture village.

FATHER: doesn’t know his father.

SIBLINGS: none.

OTHER RELATIVES: they’re rarely in touch.

PETS: none. loves & wants pets of his own, but worries he won’t be able to care for a living thing. dotes on other people’s animals instead.

LOVERS: single.

HISTORY

CHILDHOOD

when minki was born, his mom decided the only thing scarier than being a single mother was not being a mother at all. her ex-boyfriend, minki's dad, denied the child was his and refused to support her decision to keep him. her parents begged her to give the boy for adoption, threatening to disown her, but it was too late: looking into her son’s eyes she felt certain, more than she’d been of anything, that he wasn’t a mistake. he was her miracle. she would raise him alone, an unwanted mother and the black sheep of her family.

relatives gathering for holidays didn’t want the two of them attending, and neighbors were told made-up stories of a husband passing away, all to protect the family’s reputation. for some time, minki was too young to notice anyone’s absence: it’d always been just him and his mother and he didn’t know of anything different. this changed as he grew up and was confronted with the lack of a father figure in his life - or grandparents, aunts and cousins.

he became painfully aware of his mother’s struggles. her writing and art wasn’t enough to support them, and she worked too hard for most of her life, taking on several labor-intensive jobs to feed and clothe him. theirs was a humble but colorful life in the poor seaside village of gamcheon, located in the coastal city of busan.

at the epicenter of art, beauty and chaos, minki spent his childhood running through steep slopes and tiny alleys nestled between a mishmash of pastel-colored houses, a deep blue sky and ocean in the background. he was often alone, as all throughout school, there were classmates whose mothers instructed them not to play with him, or would tease him for not having a father.

birds of a feather flock together. minki found friendship in the company of children who either seemed different, outcasts just like him, or those who accepted him and didn’t care about rumors and social status. his best friend was a neighboring child of an eclectic couple of local artists and acquaintances of his mother.

in his early teens, there was anger and hurt simmering beneath minki’s exterior. he was at an emotionally painful passage of his life and wanted to act out, but knew that it would break his mother’s heart if anything ever happened to him. not wanting to hurt her the way his father had hurt her, minki turned to art as an outlet for destructive thoughts, and music became his way of dealing with the sense of chronic loss.

hip-hop was raw, emotional and honest. it was a device in and of itself, a friend to play with. twotime had a huge influence on minki as a teenager, and inspired him to start writing songs when he was 14 years old. thanks to the democratization of music through the internet, he found a way to pirate software and started producing beats in his bedroom.

CAREER

he was active in busan’s underground hip hop scene during high school, competing in rap battles under the name minkillah. it wasn’t only his rapping that garnered attention; minki eventually began establishing himself as an emerging producer, composing beats for local talent in his hometown.

looking for a challenge that would take his music to the next level, minki entered a hip hop competition held by marathon entertainment. when staff met with the young man in person, they insisted he enter a second audition with the potential of joining a new idol group the company planned to debut.

minki passed the second audition and joined marathon entertainment as a trainee at 16. dreaming of one day providing his mother the kind of life where she never had another day, and possibly making music with his role models in twotime, he moved away from home and enrolled into a high school in seoul to complete his formal education while attending daily vocal, rap and dance lessons.

after the grueling trainee period, he joined the final lineup of lotto and debuted as the group’s lead rapper, vocalist and visual.

CONNECTIONS

MASC.

SQUAD GOALS: masc. 20-30. (0/5) simply put, i’d love for minki to have this big dumb friend group featuring top dog male idols from marathon ent. they’re often seen hugging at award shows, going out for bbq, travelling together, clowning each other and breaking the internet whenever they upload selfies!!

MENTOR: masc. 35+. (0/1) this is an older muse minki looks up to and confides in. whether y/m realizes it or not, they’ve become a father figure to minki. he doesn’t have to be another artist! anyone who works at marathon ent (producer, choreographer, etc) would work, as long as minki feels like he can trust them. they’re equipped with the maturity and experience to give him advice about his life, music or relationships.

SOULMATE: masc. 23-25 (0/1) soulmate /ˈsəʊlmeɪt / noun “a person ideally suited to another as a close friend or romantic partner.” these two are each other’s, through and through. y/m is minki’s second home; they complement and complete each other. their relationship doesn’t have to be romantic at all, even if it has potential to be, in the case of complicated feelings and the crossing of lines. platonic or not, though, minki is in need of deep and meaningful connections, where he feels known. where he feels understood. he thrives off of them. y/m either knows minki since he lived in his hometown busan (there was a childhood best friend, if you’re interested) or since they were trainees. possibly they both attended the same high school in seoul, too.

RIVAL: masc. 23-27. (0/1) a little bit of friendly competition never hurt anyone. these two boys are seen as evenly matched in many regards (leave it to their fans to debate the validity of that, though) and often pitted against each other, sometimes on purpose to rack up clicks and excitement. whether there’s any truth to the rivalry or genuine animosity can be discussed! a future collab between them would create immense amounts of buzz, though.

FEM.

OLDER SISTER. fem. 35+ (0/1) quite similar to the connection above, but in this case, y/m is more of an older sister to minki, maybe even a mom away from home. seeing right through him, she knows when to put him in his place and when to offer him gentle guidance. she’s one of the people he’s come to respect the most at marathon entertainment and he absolutely loathes to disappoint her.

HEARTBREAK: fem. 21-25. (0/1) minki’s last love was a lost love. maybe they could’ve been happy together if they weren’t both idols, but it’s too late for that now. foolishly, though, they still keep in touch and spent time with each other as “friends.” they’ve seen so much and know so much of each other, there seems to be no greater comfort for him than hearing y/m’s voice and feeling their warmth in his arms when life goes to shit. but they’re still just friends… let’s hash the rest out to make sure we’re on the same page! inspiration for this connection comes from the lyric “isn’t that what friends are for, even if we used to be more?” from the song partners in crime. if the world was ending is another inspiration.

KNIGHT. fem. 18-23. (0/2) minki as an older brother to y/m!! growing up an only child, he never knew what it was like to have siblings, let alone a younger sister. i think his inexperience in combination with protectiveness could result in endearing and fun interactions. however, he is prone to projecting his own cynical and hostile views onto men that approach women he’s fond of, which isn’t exactly fair to anyone? having someone like y/m in his life could push him toward character-development, though.

NIGHTINGALE. fem. 22-24. (0/1) a nightingale made a mistake; she sang a few notes out of tune: her heart was ready to break, and she hid away from the moon. a small, sweet-voiced songbird that goes on singing late into the night. she's far too bright to be a nocturnal creature in his eyes, but she breaks the stillness, and she’s taken to asking him for advice. they’re quiet company, willing to sit in silence or talk for hours about who knows what, trying to figure out what they are. not even minki knows. he just enjoys her company, and perhaps they’ve found something to bond over. it's still small and precious and new.

ALL.

ALWAYS: if you're thinking of a different connection that isn't listed here but pings you, please dm me about it!! i'd love to plot and throw in my own suggestions. as a quick aside, i'm always open to friendship, group members, platonic m/f & mf/m dynamics, mentoring, flings, exes, secret relationships, rivalries, innocent crushes, muses, staff members, co-writers, trainees, unrequited feelings, pining, etc.

#ment.intro #OOC.

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zanesgirlfriend · 6 years ago

Text

Show Up | David Dobrik & Jeff Wittek

Description: The day after a party where the reader cheated on David with Jeff.

Disclaimer: the format is a little weird bc i had their argument in between the story, but i liked the way it came out, if it gets confusing read the normal print first and the italics second.

Requested?: Yes by @samanthaaaa18 : an imagine where the reader is dating David and cheats on him with Jeff

with additional ideas from @obesionoffandoms

A/N: I based this off of a song called "Show Up" by Catey Shaw, the lyrics seemed to fit with the theme of the story sooo. Also I think this is possibly one of my favorite things ive ever written wow okay thank yall for requesting this, enjoy.

_______

Natalie loved to tease David and Y/n about their relationship. It was one of the only perks of being in the house when they had sex. She always made it seem like an inconvenience, loving to hear their embarrassed apologies. Y/n should have paid attention to this teasing, for remembering it could've saved her relationship with David.

Dizzy. She was dizzy in the best way, and the tingles moved through her whole body. She usually never drank this much, and David knew that. He decided just to let her go wild in the saftey of his house. She couldn't do anything dangerous in his house, right?

"How did any of this happen?"

The alcohol made her horny. She wanted someone, anyone, to do nasty things to her. David was the first option, and should have been the only option.

"This wouldn't have happened if you would've just fucked me!"

He didn't want to take advantage of her, and besides, being drunk wasn't attractive. He needed to edit, his job comes first.

"I was busy! I didn't want the vlog to be late!"

He didn't want to stay up all night again. It was tiring. He wanted to upload before sunrise.

"The vlog is always late! Maybe if you would pay more attention to me I wouldn't feel the need to get wasted!"

She wanted attention and he refused to give it to her. He stayed in the living room editing until 6am. He had his headphones on, and didn't hear a thing. Natalie did.

"I should be able to trust you around my friends without worrying that you'll fuck them by accident!"

Everyone slowly trickled out of the podcast room, returning home one by one. David assumed Jeff had left with someone else. So when he went to bed, and Y/n wasn't in it, he was fine to leave her passed out somewhere else alone without even checking on her.

"Maybe if you would've came to check on me, even just one time, you could've forced me to go to sleep or sober up."

She and Jeff were naked, tangled beneath a Vlouge blanket. David's printed face smiled at them. They had both gotten what they needed before blacking out. When she woke up, the hangover was intense. Her head pounded as she tried to make sense of what was happening. The feeling of regret ached through her whole body.

"Why is it always my responisbility? Why is it always my fault?"

She woke Jeff up, forcing him to put clothes on before he fell back asleep. She went to the bathroom and cried.

"If you would show up to our relationship once and a while it wouldn't be your fault. It's like you're constantly running a marthon, but you never cross the finish line. You've fixed up a beautiful car and then you never drive it. The work was done, but you didn't show up, so I left."

She was up all morning, just sitting in the living room, staring at the blank screen of the TV. She watched Jeff leave without saying a word. She faked a smile as Natalie passed through the living room. She faked small talk as David sat next to her. She thought about how fucked up their relationship was. How he paid attention to her in the beginning, and built this beautiful relationship, but now its stagnant. It hasn't grown or moved in a while. She is always second in his mind, when really she should be first.

"Okay, then fucking leave."

She held back tears from her eyes as she realized she's been done with this relationship for a while. David didn't notice the how red and puffy her eyes were.

"I did, David. I've been fucking gone. You're just too far up your camera's ass to notice."

Natalie entered the room, sitting on the couch opposite the broken couple. "Can you two please try to stay in your bedroom next time? You kept waking me up with all of your moaning." Natalie waited for their cheeks to turn red and for them to say sorry. She quickly realized that something was wrong.

"You know I fucking love you, right?"

David turned his gaze to Y/n. This time he noticed the tears as they poured out of her eyes. His heart shattered, realizing what she'd done.

"No. You don't love me. Even if you did, how the fuck would I know?"

His voice cracked as he asked her who it was. "Jeff." She whispered.

"Why haven't you talked to me about this before? Why do I only find out about your feelings after you go and ruin everything?"

He got up and went to his room, leaving Natalie to watch her bawl her eyes out.

"David, I've tried to tell you! You never want to listen! I've tried to save this relationship countless times and you haven't even noticed anything was wrong with it!"

She got tired of crying. She was mad. David's door burst open and the argument started.

"I'm sorry."

#david #david x reader #david dobrik x reader #david dobrik imagine #david dobrik #david dobrik imagines #jeff #jeff wittek imagine #jeff imagine #jeff x reader #jeff wittek #jeff wittek x reader #vlog squad #davids vlogs #vloge squad imagines #vlog squad imagine #vlogsquad natalie #natalie mariduena

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tiredlonelyghost · 6 years ago

Photo

I decided to do a timeline for the erasermic ship! Basically my headcannons on these guys lovely love life so if you wanna read it read below! for i have also included my crappy art c:

Friendship: so pretty much these guys were friends at UA I mean its cannon ffs. though I’d like to think they had a bumpy start because you know, angst and teenage emotions are always fun to think about!

Shouta’s and Hizashi’s personalities couldn’t be anymore different, so when they first officially met Shouta wanted nothing more than for this weird cockatoo looking person to somehow vanish or be expelled. He was loud, annoying, and for some reason he laughed at his own jokes more then what was necessary. Walking into class was pure hell for Shouta for this kid also thought it was mandatory to greet each person who walked in like a bird as well, teachers, students, a odd pet principal, anything. If anything could be worse Hizashi then made it his personal goal at some point during the school year to befriend Shouta; Needless to say, Shouta wasn’t having any of it. Their interactions mainly consisted of Hizashi trying to form anything conversation with our eraser hero in training and failing as Shouta would just sit there and never say a word to the other boy.

All Hizashi wanted was to get to know Shouta better, the dude is really cool! Unlike Shouta, Hizashi had a weird obsession with him from the beginning. You could basically say he was the first ever eraserhead fanboy ( Eraserhead trash #1) and he would stop at nothing to be this dude’s friend. All the other students were confused at Hizashi’s interest in Shouta, to them he was just another loner who never talked and sat in the back of the class by themselves; but Hizashi saw more then that. He saw skill, determination, discipline, and one cool ass quirk yo! He tried his best to get a word or a reaction out of the other boy but his efforts never got him what he wanted, and it was really affecting our poor cockatoo. He couldn’t understand what he was doing wrong, he tried talking but he never got a response, he tried being nice sharing notes and even buying a random snack or two for the other boy but still nothing; you would think he would’ve gave up, but a yamada never gives up, he would keep trying even if it never got him no where.

One day though, he finally got a response; just not the one he wanted. Hizashi walking into the school’s entrance one day saw Shouta in front of him, and just like always he walked up behind him gave him a charming Hizashi greeting and began talking. Before walking into the school itself though Shouta stopped in his tracks, turned around, looked at Hizashi in the eyes (sunglasses) and said the three magic words

“Please, fuck off.”

Hizashi actually doesn’t remember clearly what happened after that. He did however, remember crying the entire day. He doesn’t even know why he had cried so much over a simple rejection but it had stung him so much, all he wanted was to be this dudes friend, why did he hate him so much? Hizashi is pretty much a zombie the entire week after that, no one but the students that had witnessed what had happened knew what was wrong with him. The classrooms atmosphere dropped with Hizashi’s mood, the room was to quiet and the tension in the air was almost unbearable and nothing made it better no matter what anyone tried. Until one day Hizashi was sitting at his desk looking down at his hands when he heard someone walk up and drop a snack on his desk. Confused, Hizashi looked up and saw Shouta standing there in front of him. His jaw tensed up as he braced himself for whatever the other teen was about to say.

“I’m sorry, Yamada.”

For once in his life Yamada Hizashi was speechless, another three magic words and it seemed that this depressive cursed that was laid upon him vanished. He smiled, rubbed the back of his head and accepted the apology. Shouta began to response to him after that, he didn’t talked a lot but just enough to keep Hizashi happy and smiling. They’re inseparable after that.

Confession:

Throughout high school after befriending each other they’re best friends. They depend on each other for almost everything and Shouta honestly doesn’t know when he became so emotionally invested Hizashi. Though making him cry that day did seem to make something in him “snap” it was like he could feel any emotion the other boy was feeling at all times, and he didn’t like it at all. He could feel Hizashi’s happiness, his sadness (and among other things but lets blame that on hormones) after awhile of experiencing this though he began to get used to it.

They finally entered college and became roommates ( oh boy oh boy I wonder how that happened) while Shouta saw this as being one step closer to being a pro hero, Hizashi completely saw something else.

PARTYING! DATING! SEX(ing?)!

Shouta really couldn’t stand it. Everyday Hizashi was begging him to go to some party with him, meet some people, be social. Shouta didn’t want any of it though, he didn’t need to party, he didn’t need to be social. If anything, all he needed was Hizashi by his side and he could get through anything, and it’s when he hit this realization shit went down hill. He soon realized that him feeling Hizashis “emotions” wasn’t really that at all. He was happy when Hizashi was happy, he was sad when Hizashi was sad,(and among other things, those damn hormones amirite?) that was all on his own and he hated it, because that meant he was in love with his best friend.

After he realized this, jealousy hit him like a rock. Hizashi was always bringing some date back to their room, or talking to Shouta about this chick or that dude. This caused things to go a little sour, Shouta began to distance himself from Hizashi. He couldn’t deal with the complicated feelings of a one sided love, he wouldn’t be able to get his studies done if all he was thinking about was how Hizashi was probably out doing god knows what with someone else right now. He drowned himself into his work, blocking out anything or anyone that tried to reach him. Blocking out Hizashi.

It obviously doesn’t take Hizashi to long to notice that Shouta is straight up ignoring him. He pulled this shit in high school before they were friends and hes pulling it again now. Like before Hizashi doesn’t know what he did wrong and it drives him crazy. He tries to chalk it up to Shouta just being really serious with his studies, which isn’t that far from the truth; but theres a difference to being busy and straight up ignoring someone. He doesn’t know if he should press Shouta about why he’s doing this, or just leave it be and hope for the best. He chooses the latter, It’s lonely and honestly kinda painful but he knows when Shouta is ready he’ll talk about why he’s doing what he’s doing.

One day though, Hizashi just has to talk to Shouta about something, a band that Hizashi is obsessed with is coming to the city they’re in and Hizashi is ecstatic. He had it all planned out, He’ll come back to the room tell Shouta about the concert, Shouta will be hella pumped and they’ll go together, and everything will be okay. Except that isn’t at all what ended up happening.

Hizashi does go back to the room and tells Shouta about the concert, but Shouta ignores him. Not a word out of him. So Hizashi repeats himself but louder this time, same response. He began to think, if this isn’t getting Shouta’s attention maybe something else will, so he does what he does best, be annoying as hell to Shouta. It isn’t till Hizashi is basically screaming the lyrics to Hit Me Baby by Brittney Spears Shouta finally looks at him. Their eyes lock and the room falls silent as Hizashi is muted by Shouta’s intense gaze. Shouta opens his mouth, and says three. magic. words.

“Please, fuck off.”

Hizashi doesn’t know what happens again. All he knows is that he’s bawling his eyes out and had Shouta pinned underneath him. He finally catches his breath, and began to shout at Shouta. Screaming at him asking why, why was he acting like this, why did he hate him? Did he do something wrong? Is there something he can do to stop this behavior? The list goes on. Shouta is under him wide eyed and shocked. He didn’t realize that saying that would cause such a reaction from the other, he was uncomfortable. With the weight Hizashi was pressing down on him and the headache he was beginning to developed due to his screeching, Shouta began to feel extremely overwhelmed. The screeching came to a sudden halt though, and Shouta took this chance to try to sit back up. Hizashi stopped him with a hand on his shoulder, he used his other wipe to wipe away the tears that had started to dry on his face and took a deep breath.

“Shouta, I’m so sorry for shouting. I just, I can’t stand it when you do that. You mean so much to me and I’m so scared something is going to take you away from me, that’s why when you do this I just feel so hopeless. I don’t ever want to lose you, if I ever did I don’t know what I’d do.”

Hizashi reached for Shouta’s hand, Shouta’s breath stilling as his fingers wrapped around his own. He looks at their conjoint hands, and then back at Hizashi. His eyes are red and puffy from crying so hard, he looks tired, drained. Guilt washes over Shouta like the ocean over the shore. He has to say something to make Hizashi feel better, he can’t let him stay like this.

“Hizashi, I-”

His sentence was cut off as Hizashi moved the hand on his shoulder to cup his jaw, forcing his head up, and leaning in to kiss him lightly on the lips. It hadn’t lasted long at all, but for Shouta it felt like the entire world paused, only to be resumed when his friend pulled back and looked him in the eyes.

“Shouta, you mean so much to me.”

Marriage:

If you’re thinking Hizashi is the one that proposed HA HA HA BITCH YOU’D BE WRONG

after that incident in college, our boys finally started dating, after graduating college and becoming our beloved heros Present Mic and Eraser Head. They finally got settled down and moved into some semi-decent apartment. Their lives are hella busy, with Eraser being a pro hero and a teacher from Present Mic being pro hero, a teacher, AND A FUCKING RADIO SHOW HOST, things can get kinda hectic needless to say. Though at the end of the day ( or like week) both of them are just happy to finally spend alone time together in the comfort of their apartment, watching crappy movies and eating food that will probably give them stomach cancer in the next 20 years.

One of these days though Hizashi can see that Shouta is anxious, yet he doesn’t know why. They had be cuddling on the couch watching some cheesy romance movie, Shouta tensing up every now and then. It got really bad though when a proposal scene came up, Hizashi had to pause the movie and ask Shouta if he was alright.

He was quiet, looking anywhere but at Hizashi. Then suddenly he sighed, and nodded.

“It’s just that lately, I’ve been thinking about something a lot.”

Hizashi raised a eyebrow up at him and Shouta sighed again. He suddenly shot up and walked into their bedroom. Hizashi extremely confused at this point, didn’t know if he should follow him or stay where he was. That didn’t matter though as Shouta came back into their living room, standing in front of their couch and hiding something behind his back.

“When we first met, I honestly would’ve never thought that you would’ve had this much of a impact on my life, I was just some weird quiet kid trying to get through his school years and you were this loud, annoying, popular guy who wouldn’t leave me alone. At first I couldn’t stand you, but as we got closer I’ve found that I actually couldn’t stand being WITHOUT you. life is to quiet when you’re not around, it lacks warmth, security, and color. You make everything seem so bright and cartoon like it actually makes me wonder if your quirk is actually being a fucking cartoon or anime character. There’s been times where I’ve pushed you away and almost lost you, times where I would hide how I feel around you, but no more of that. Hizashi I’ve been thinking about this for awhile, And if you’ll have me.”

Shouta got on one knee, and pulled out a tiny box out from behind his back, opening it and revealing a ring.

“I’d like it if you would be my husband. Hizashi, will you marry me?”

Hizashi then almost deafens the entire city from screaming yes.

Family:

a couple years after getting married our boys finally adopt our lovely Hitoshi and then eventually Eri. Their life isn’t perfect, but they wouldn’t have it any other way.

(theres more to say but I’ve been working on this non-stop for 8 hours now and i need to crash before I actually black out and die or something)

#aizawa shouta #Eraser Head #yamada hizashi #present mic #erasermic #maizawa #bnha #my art #eri bnha #shinsou hitoshi #fanfic

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randomishnickname · 6 years ago

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Fav fanfic authors rec list!

In honor of fanfic writer appreciation day, here’s me gushing about some of my favorite fanfic authors of different fandoms. So much amazing talent out there, I feel so awed and honored to have discovered such good writers!! A lot of the fics I came across put published best-sellers to shame.

Here we go!

Marvel Cinematic Universe

I read an incredible amount of Stony (Tony Stark/Steve Rogers) fanfiction a while back, and it’s the gift that keeps on giving, super talented writers that produce metric tons of content without it growing boring. Some favorites:

FestiveFerret (@festiveferret): Steadily working their way through every gorgeous trope, and producing an impressive amount of high-quality fics of all length and kind as a result - fun, hot, brilliant stories that are compulsively readable and full of vibrant details. Hard to chose favorites, but Lost Together and Deafening Quiet, Silent Roar are frankly so excellent I can’t not name them here.

OrbingArrow (@orbingarrow): While their stories have a great style, awesome characterization, super cool sense of detail and of humor, the reason I particularly love Arrow is their focus on hope and recovery. Stories that helped me in rough times, and genuinely make me want to get better. For example, Good for you! So grateful for these fics.

sabrecmc (@sabrecmc): I will make the bold assumption that everyone in the Stony fandom has heard of sabrecmc; they are one of the Big, Big Name Fans. And there’s a reason for that: extremely unique, rich, deep, gorgeous fics that make you weep or scream into your pillow, or melt into a puddle at the glorious smut. Just...wow. (Also, genuinely awesome kind person online!)

AvocadoLove (@awesomeavocadolove): writes quick paced, thrilling, extremely readable fics with fantastic plots and characterization. Doesn’t get boring a single second. Some of my favorites include Enemy at the Gates and Prisoner’s Dilemma

Then comes Write_Like_An_American (@write-like-an-american), who writes for the Guardians of the Galaxy fandom, centered around Yondu Udonta. I have the BIGGEST CRUSH on their writing, it’s just...so fun, so real and fleshed-out! I love sci-fi and pirates, so it’s obviously my kind of content, but seriously, they would make me love everything they write. Lots of mature themes and reflections around abuse and recovery, + doesn’t shy away from nasty and gross aspects (fair warning, big amount of kink and gore). I love pretty much everything they write, but Blame It On The Stars and No Son of Mine seriously blew me away.

Harry Potter

Considering that I read more fanfics for Harry Potter than for any other fandom, this list is painfully short; but back then I was a completely passive consumer and barely took notice of the writers behind the stories I devoured. Also didn’t bookmark those I liked :/

justonemorefic (@oddhour) is thankfully an exception. etc. etc. (and life goes on) is one of my favorite stories in general, a next-gen fic centered around an incredible OC - hilarious, heart-breaking, analytical, lyrical writing that seriously blew my mind. I still catch myself giggling when I remember some scenes.

Soul Eater

aka the fandom I write for :D again there’s so many great authors and fics I didn’t bookmark, but I pledge to do better in the future.

tastewithouttalent (@tastewithouttalent): has an incredible, absolutely unique style of writing. In their capable hands, words are woven to an amazingly sensual, intense tapestry of sensations. Writes mostly PWPs, but seriously, it’s pure poetry (and also HOT, damn). Got me started on my trashy OTP, Giriko/Justin Law, and I reread all of their work for them on a truly embarassing basis, but Air and Capable are two of my favorites (and I would give a limb for a prequel to that one Psycho-Pass AU).

adulter_clavis (@adulterclavis): champion of crazy AUs, this author made me laugh so hard I cried. Several times. Has the baffling ability to twist the characters into something slightly more weird and dark and still keep them absolutely IC. Absolutely hilarious banter and situations, genuine comedy gold; Heistception is probably my favorite.

raining-down-hearts (on fanfiction.net) has written a SoMa fic I remember devouring at incredible speed, The Cost of Lamentations. Sad and brainy and well-tought through.

LueurdeLaube (@i-am-thesenate) has a very fun, elegant writing style. Writes SoMa, Red Silk is a big favorite.

Black Sails

I am absolutely obsessed with Black Sails as of late, but still weirdly reluctant to read fanfic for it. Maybe a part of me thinks I have to rewatch it and let it settle a bit more before fully exploring possibilities. Still, I’ve read a fair amount of shippy stuff and of smut, here are some favs:

arbitrarily (@widespindriftgaze) has written two EXCELLENT Flint/Billy hatesex fics (the men are called horsemen there and skeleton tree) that feel like a punch of the gut on each reread. Very painful, much good.

youatemytailor (@annevbonny) has...such a powerful style...and writes Silver with almost frightening accuracy. lost on you made my heart clench and ache

urcadelimabean (@urcadelimabean) writes super sweet, smutty fics and has written the pegging fics this fandom desperately needs (yours, always and anything for your queen)!

Vorkosigan Saga (book series by Lois McMaster Bujold)

Since I’m only halfway through the saga, there’s a lot of fanfics I can’t read in order not to spoiler myself, but luckily for me, there’s tons of amazing stories on the earlier timelines while I wait to get the other books.

Phylomytha is ... probably McMaster Bujold in disguise. At least that would explain why their style aligns so flawlessly with that of the author, and why every! single! fic!!! feels like a deleted chapter/scene from the books. Writes a lot of short one-shots which flesh out the universe and make me appreciate it so much more. Just...wow. Aral Vorkosigan’s Dog is a longer one exploring the POV of a minor character, and I loved it so much.

Dira Sudis (@dsudis) writes heart-achingly tender fics, while staying wonderfully true to the characters. A big favorite is Frequently Suggested Sexual Practices: An Aid to Communication.

Avatar: The Last Airbender

Ah, I remember the good innocent times when the only things I associated with A:TLA were cute gen fics. But alas, the kink always finds me (maybe because I’m always searching for it, heh).

DracoMaleficium (@dracze) writes awesome, kinky stuff around Jee/Zuko, mostly AUs. Incredibly rich, sensory, readable writing style.

Nele (@fanjapanologist) also writes Jeeko, and adds tons of super elegant and good worldbuilding. I absolutely adore the fics they wrote.

attackfish (@attackfish) writes very psychological, often very dark gen fics which have super competent worldbuilding (and prominently feature Mai, which - GOOD). Until the Walls Break Like Waves had me gripping my seat - a very unsettling, extremely well-written fic.

and finally:

Brokeback Mountain

I absolutely had to include cathalin ( @cathalins) since they wrote Dreaming, a fanfic that made me genuinely bawl my eyes out. All of their fics are incredible though, just feel TRUE and IMPORTANT and I’m already half-crying just thinking about that fic (crying in the good ways, btw, it’s a fix-it). Can’t possibly recommend that fic enough.

Hope you will find something to like in my rec list!!

(all those authors are, unless specified otherwise, on AO3)

#fanfic writer appreciation day #personal #vorkosigan saga #fic rec #mcu #black sails #harry potter #soul eater #brokeback mountain

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sportanimefantasies · 7 years ago

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hmm one more lol gwah. Matsukawa ❤️😭😭 he's daddy af. can I have a angst to fluffy one like hella happy ending can be nsfw or not it don't matter ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Temporarily back from hiatus? And for you??? Wow, you so inspo to me all da time ♡

This song was for you. Right from the first play on the drums Matsukawa played to Iwaizumi’s voice singing the sorrow filled lyrics while he struck the guitar’s strings to Hanamaki rhythmically playing the bass guitar to Oikawa’s fingers passionately hitting the notes on the keyboard, you knew. Iwaizumi looking right at you right after he looked back at Matsukawa was the cherry on top. Maybe you knew in that moment that Matsukawa had already asked the band if they could play this bittersweet song.

They knew what it meant to you and Matsukawa. They knew that the words would hit you harder than any volleyball you’ve taken from Matsukawa. They knew you could never hate this song like you could never hate Matsukawa.

You wondered if they knew you would cry. Matsukawa wondered if you could see him cry on stage while he played the drums too calm.

“Matsukawa, please wait!” you cried, quite ugly as well. But you didn’t care. He just couldn’t leave. Not without saying what you needed to.

Matsukawa froze in his steps. As soon as the last note played, he ran off stage. He didn’t even wait until the band finished saying their goodbyes. If he turned around now, Matsukawa would never stop crying.

“I thought it was a good way to say goodbye, ____,” Matsukawa lightly chuckled, quietly under his breath. He pulled his leather jacket’s zipped up collar to his chin before he turned to you.

Matsukawa was so stupid. He thought if he hid his frown, he could blind you with some sort of gleam he had in his eyes. To make you believe that he wasn’t sad. It insulted you because you knew Matsukawa better than that.

“Issei, please wait. Don’t go,” you bawled. He was just five steps away. You took three.

When Matsukawa took three steps back, you whimpered harder. “We said we wouldn’t do this,” Matsukawa hissed quietly as he turned. He tussled his hand in his hair roughly, not even bothering to hide his frustration.

Didn’t you know? Matsukawa was so in love with you he would pathetically throw himself at you if you could take him instead. He actually has done that. But it was impossible. You two as a couple was impossible. When the two of you met so innocently in college, it wasn’t supposed to be anything. There wasn’t a chance of Matsukawa falling for you.

You were already engaged.

Matsukawa can’t even tell you when he fell for you. He could tell you when it was becoming impossible to have you out of his mind. There so many times he messed up in band practice because Matsukawa couldn’t stop thinking about you.

He was fucked.

But when you confessed to him? Matsukawa didn’t know how to stop being fucked in this situation. It was a different type of high Matsukawa felt when he was with you. Different from the drinks, the way he plays his drums, and the thrill of touring. Matsukawa was undeniably in love with you, he didn’t know how to stop.

The two of you definitely stop being in love when your fiance found out.

Matsukawa remembers the night. He relives it every night before he goes to sleep. It drives him crazy some days. You were taken right from him. He was powerless in the situation. Matsukawa was just a drummer in love with you, a woman engaged to a wealthy man so your family name would become more respected. It was getting harder and harder to see each other after your family discovered your sins. Being apart took a toll on Matsukawa’s confidence.

He was suffocating on your love.

It was hurting you too. You never told Matsukawa why you had pink eye bags but he knew why. Your fiance wouldn’t give up. His pride was much larger than his love for you. The walls of your bedroom began to turn into prison gates. The maids and butlers became hawks ready to snatch you as their prey and take you back to the nest. Your own family was turning you into a seven year old, punishing you on such higher levels. All you wanted was to see Matsukawa, no matter how hard it became.

You were suffocating on Matsukawa’s love.

“I need to. I’m…” Matsukawa sighed heavily. His eyes were starting to water, especially when he finally met your eyes. “I can’t keep doing this with you, ____. We both knew it wasn’t going to work out, it went on longer than needed to. I’m sorry, _____.”

“Issei, please don’t say that!” you shouted as you darted to him. You launched yourself to Matsukawa, arms out ready to wrap around his waist. The two of you fell back onto the concrete ground. Your forehead rested against his chest with his hands lightly on your back. “I can’t spend the rest of my life with him. Please… Not him. I’m in love with-”

“Don’t,” Matsukawa hissed. He bit down on his lip and turned to the side. “Please go, _____.”

Matsukawa didn’t wait for an answer. He sat up quickly and grabbed you into his arms as he stood. You stood as soon as Matsukawa brought you out of his arms. As soon as you turned your body to argue, he hugged you tightly in his arms. Matsukawa towered over you. He covered you. He didn’t want to let you go, but he knew he had to.

“Issei, I called off the wedding,” you whispered your cries into Matsukawa’s ears.

He didn’t move. So many seconds passed, it felt like too many. As soon as you turned to face him, Matsukawa’s hold flinched. “Please don’t lie to me like that.”

You intensely shook your head. “I wouldn’t lie about this.”

“How?” Matsukawa asked immediately.

You lightly wrapped your arms around Matsukawa’s body. You missed this. It felt so much more like what a home is supposed to be like instead of where you live. “I told him I won’t marry him. Then I told my parents.”

Matsukawa held you by your shoulders an arm length away. “You can’t run away! What were you-”

“I’m not running away! I’m putting my foot down!” you screeched, forcing all your weight against him, just so he could hold you again. “I don’t want to be in a marriage for money. Not when I can have a love that’s better. I can have you, and my parents need to respect that.”

“It’s not that easy to be-”

“I know,” you interjected. “But you’re worth it. Issei, I’m in love with you. Please,” you cried. You repeated it over and over again as your tears fell and you shook your head. “Issei, please say something.”

There was nothing Matsukawa could say or needed to say. Matsukawa was undeniably and pathetically in love with you. It wasn’t suffocating him anymore.

You were undeniably and shamelessly in love with Matsukawa. You hoped he could hear it through the trembling of your body as you cried together, happily.

#haikyuu!!#haikyuu #hq!!#hq #haikyuu scenarios #hq scenarios #matsukawa issei #jonin-goddess #ask #request

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abcdosaka · 4 years ago

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oh i finally listened to sawayama. i don’t think i listened to her first ep or maybe i did and just forgot but anyways................literally album of the year. blows basically everything else ive listened to out of the fucking water. ive loved clarence clarity for a few years now and his solo music is exactly my type but omg, sawayama was just so good. i love every song pretty much equally except snakeskin which is top of the list. i won’t go through individual tracks but ill write some thoughts on the songs i really loved at first:

dynasty is one of the best songs on the album. its so intense, such a good ass rock power ballad. so addictive. i get shivers every time. lyrics are just....AHHHHHHHHHH. i dont have a lot of notes on it its just really really good and makes me emotional tbh. i was reading a webtoon, Her Tale of Shim Chong, while listening to this and wow did i bawl my eyes out multiple times

xs is simply iconic. so so catchy and i loveeeeee love love love love how chaotic the production is but at the same time everything fits so well. i love how the chorus is delivered too, like how she sings one part and then whispers “more”. the acoustic guitar is so standout like thats sooo early 2000s and its incredibly catchy. the bridge....whew what can i even say. the bridge might be one of the best bridges in pop music. “oh me oh my where did it go awry?” I LOVE THAT SO MUCH LIKE WHO USES AWRY IN A SENTENCE OUTSIDE OF A BOOK? RINA SAWAYAMA THATS WHO. also the pun of using “tesla xs” was great. rinas vocals were so good too

stfu: i listened to this when it first came out and i loved it so much. why is she so innovativeeeee the switch btwn the heavy metal verses and the sweet chorus is so good. i watched her vid on writing it and she said the way she says shut the fuck up varies between like, how a teenage girl would say stfu when joking around, or when a woman is kind of annoyed but cant show it she’d be like stfu in a small voice. like i didnt notice that at first but when she pointed it out i was like omggggggg

akasaka sad: omg. the production. i havent listened to this song as much as i have the other tracks but this is def one of the most innovative of the songs on here. but i love the additional synths in the second chorus

who’s gonna save u now: i watch theneedledrops review a little while ago after i first listened to the whole album and he thought the cheering sounds were too much but actually i love it. i just love this whole song. her high note>>>> HER KEY CHANGE>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> its kinda similar to dynasty for me. this would be so dope live too. i wanted to get tickets bc she updated concert dates a few days ago but i was too late :/// hopefully she’ll upgrade the venue but i doubt it so idk.

snakeskin: best for last. ok so theneedledrop (i honestly dont know his real name i guess i could call him melon) said he didn’t like this song that much or something but i completely disagree. i feel like i have kinda similar taste to him but idk i think he likes experimental music in one direction whereas for me i like experimental but in another direction. i can’t describe it. but anyway this is my top track. i listened to this song for 3 days straight. so so so catchy. the way she stretches out “heart” in the beginning as the different instruments come it was just so excellent, i can’t help but sing it too. the prechorus is definitely the best part. i love love love it. the final fantasy interpolation is so good like i thought it sounded familiar but then i saw it pointed out by someone and i was like :OOOOO. another thing i love is the bell sound in the part thats like “l-l-l-like a snakeskin” it gives me vampire castle vibes. i havent listened to dubstep since i was like 12 but the sorta dubstep sound in the verses i liked more than i thought i would

but i fr do love every song on this album. theyre all good. these are just the songs i loved from the first listen, whereas the rest i think need time to grow on me. if she and clarence clarity dont get a grammy i’ll have to intervene.

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