#the list has grown since i first made this and im proud of myself for that

[sweetestofchaos]

Wow that's such a wide variety of fandoms. Also it's so funny that we have in common both an interest in poetry and writing love letters for friends XD

Continuing the questions about your work, I want to know which of your GOT7 works you consider the following and why: 1) Your best work, 2) Your most introspective, deep or meaningful work, 3) The one you're most attached to, 4) The one you struggled with the most and 5) The one you aren't happy with but are still glad you wrote it.

(Feel free to add non-GOT7 fics too but since I am your AA, I have to ask for those.)

I think introspection is one of the most important parts of writing, and I hope that this can be an opportunity for you to look back at your work and see how much you've grown!

Wishing you a great day and best of luck for whatever's coming your way.

-Your AA <3

Oof...yeah my taste is wild and changes all the time. You like writing love letters for friend too, huh? I don't think I could do it now if someone where to ask but back in the day, I could've made money 😂 I just want to thank you for asking these questions. I am having so much fun with them and just sitting here thinking of my answers makes my day go by faster. I wrote about Got7 and non-Got7 since some of them I couldn't answer with just Got7.

Looking at everything that I wrote up until now just makes me smile. I have so many different styles, highs and lows...it's crazy. I always enjoy looking back to what got me started! Best Work?

I think for me the best Got7 piece that I wrote would be Got7's reaction to your natural hair. I wrote that during my transition from treated to natural hair, so it was fun to write. I tend to write a lot based off my life or those around me. I think it's my best work because it felt realistic in terms of how I thought they would handle the situation. It wasn't a rushed piece and I often go back to it, just to read for fun.

A part from Got7, Stupid Love is something I would consider to be one of my best works. It was my first time diving into a new trope (unrequited love) and I just felt that IM from Monsta X fit the role really well. It was nice to challenge myself and I am more than pleased with how that story turned out.

2. Most introspective/deep/meaning?

I would say my Youngjae fic Cry Baby, to me is the one that is the most meaningful. I suffer from bipolar depression and it was a bad day for me. I wrote it to help get my feelings out and so far I think it's the only Got7 fic that holds such a feeling.

Outside of Got7, I wrote a piece for Mingi of Ateez called Consideration which is heavily based on my life. I think people in relationships of any kind tend to forget that the other person has their own wants/needs. You get comfortable with people and lines blur or just get forgotten. You start to take things for granted and Consideration is there to bring light to those feelings and moments.

I really wish I wrote more deeper fic but I just haven't done it yet. It's on my list for 2023 lol

3. Most attached to?

I'm really attached to my Mark fic Piggy Back. It was an idea that just came to me and I didn't struggle with it at all. Everything was finished in one go and I'm pretty proud of that piece. It's one of my earlier works, so I'm sure it could use some touching up but it's just really soft and sweet.

Another one I'm extremally attached to is Closure. It's a quick one-shot that has Bang Chan of Stray Kids. It's another fic that mirrors a low point in my life and it means the world to me. It was healing for me to write and hold a nice piece of my heart.

4. One I struggled with the most?

By far I Won't Let You Fall with Yugyeom has been the fic that I've struggled with the most to write. It was a request for enemies to lovers and I wanted to bang my head against the wall. E2L is not a trope that I like very much, I tend to ignore it a lot. So when it was requested, I took the challenge and it did not disappoint. I'm pretty sure I wrote that request three times before I finally got something that I liked enough to post.

I am currently working on a Min Yoongi soulmate fic (Blackthorn) that is kicking my butt. I have so many ideas for it but it hard to get it all down on paper/screen. There are so many plot holes right now because I always get ideas in parts and never a full picture. So I am struggling to fill in those holes and makes sure point a and b match up before I can even think about point c and d. It's also a royal fantasy au, so I'm trying to world build a lot more which I'm not the best at.

5. One I'm not happy with but glad I wrote?

It is very rare that I post something that I'm not happy with. My Got7 pieces, are works that I love with my whole heart. So, I don't have a Got7 piece that I'm not happy with. I like most of everything that I post, I take my time with it all which is why I like everything.

If anything I would have to say, my Shownu fic Rainstorm is the fic that I like the least. Only because when I read over it, I feel that it's just a lot of word jumble that doesn't need to be there. It doesn't really give anything for the reader to hold onto and think about. Plus it was a piece I wrote back when I was first getting into Monsta X so I don't think I put a lot of thought into it.

Thank you again, AA

Chaos

[tanlorin]

Ardela Timeline

🔪- Tsameiji (Cathay Khajiit Vestige, stamina nightblade, Dark Brotherhood assassin, "romances" Naryu, werewolf)

🔮- Venaryne Ardela (Dunmer Nerevarine, raised in Elsweyr, daughter of the Eternal Champion, marries Julan Kaushibael)

🏹- M'niara Ardela (Ohmes-Raht Khajiit HoK, romanced Martin Septim and accidentally had his kid, huntress and alchemist, mantles Sheogorath)

😼- Ma'isuri Ardela (Ohmes-Raht Khajiit Divine Crusader/Gray Fox, died at the end of the KotN questline, younger twin sister of M'niara, uses illusion magic over direct combat)

🗡- Ariyura Ardela (Cathay Khajiit LDB, descendant of M'niara and Martin Septim, older half-sister of Marvani, romances Serana, werewolf, blacksmith)

📚- Marvani Ardela (Planned TESVI protagonist, descendant of M'niara and Martin Septim, younger half-sister of Ariyura, scholar/enchanter with an interest in the Dwemer and frost magic)

Heartflower Timeline

☠️- Jackson Villareal (Breton/Auroran Vestige, magicka necromancer/necromancer healer, demiprince of Meridia, sphere was Holy Retribution, lost most of his powers after practicing necromancy out of spite, befriends Serana)

💐- Maxine Delatte (Breton Elsweyr/Dragonhold protagonist, warden healer, friends with Darien Gautier since they were teens, romances Prefect Calo, ancestor of Lily)

🥀- Maelienwe Heartflower (Bosmer HoK, knew Martin during their years as Sanguine cultists, recovering skooma addict, grandmother of Lily)

🌸- Lily Heartflower (Bosmer/Breton LDB, lost an eye after torture from the Thalmor, descendant of Maxine, granddaughter of Maelienwe, best friends with Jackson, mage/healer)

🌑- Leyna at-Amjad (Redguard, nightblade tank, demiprince of Nocturnal, protector of the Thieves Guild, has a pet crow named Gabby)

🌹- Obsesia (Breton for the most part, magicka sorcerer, demiprince of Sanguine and Sheogorath, no gender only sexy, sphere is addiction, is the main cause of Maelienwe's long-lasting addiction to skooma, probably the most problematic of my OCs tbh)

Starbringer Timeline

🪓- Fjolhar Shieldshatter (Nord Greymoor protagonist, 2H stamina dragonknight, vampire, polyamorous, romances Fennorian and Pharanelle, father of Cinia)

👗- Pharanelle Starbringer (Altmer, clothier, romances Fjolhar, mother of Cinia, escapes her arranged marriage with her ex-husband to live with House Ravenwatch)

💫- Cinia Starbringer (Altmer/Nord LDB, son of Fjolhar and Pharanelle, raised by House Ravenwatch, romances and marries Kaidan, doesn't fully become a vampire until Skyrim, not a clothier but developed a passion for fashion that he got from Pharanelle)

🌟- Ainora (Nord, magicka templar, former follower of Meridia until Kilkreath temple gets attacked by a harrowstorm, older twin sister of Fjolhar)

[kyovtani]

𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒐 𝒚𝒐𝒖 – 𝒊𝒘𝒂𝒊𝒛𝒖𝒎𝒊 𝒉𝒂𝒋𝒊𝒎𝒆

࿏ pairing: iwaizumi hajime x chubby female reader ࿏ genre: fluff, smut, angst; best friends to lovers!AU ࿏ word count: 11.6k (at this point i have no explanation, im sorry) ࿏ warnings: swearing, mentions of body image issues, self doubts, anxiety, bullying, fat shaming; as well as violence and blood (iwa gets into a fight mwah); ddlg (daddy dom-little girl) dynamics, soft dom!iwa, body worship, praising, sugarcoated degradation, spitting, choking, fingering, face riding, unprotected sex

࿏ Summary: After four years of trying to get over your stupid crush on your best friend, said male finally comes back home and all of a sudden all of those plans are thrown overboard...

Even though you‘ve known about it for so long now, you still feel your heart skip a beat when Matsukawa mentions his return to Japan and no matter how hard you try to, you can‘t help the way the disgusting mixture of anxiety, nervousness and excitement starts filling your veins.

After all it‘s been literal years since you‘ve last seen him.

Iwaizumi Hajime, former Seijoh Ace, now freshly majored athletic trainer, your best friend of ten years and — love of your life.

However, of course he doesn‘t know about the latter and as pathetic as it may sound, you‘re quite proud of yourself for hiding your feelings for him so well that he hasn‘t suspected anything in all these years the two of you have been friends.

Of course it‘s painful and basically nothing but literal torture to watch the guy you‘ve lost your heart to years ago, move on with his life thinking he‘s nothing but a friend to you, but you know you‘d always choose this pain over the one of rejection and shame.

Because after all you‘re not his type or what he looks for in a partner and you're very much aware of it.

And no matter how many times you daydream about a life as his girlfriend, you won’t ever forget about the fact that Iwaizumi Hajime, basically a literal athlete, would never date someone who looked like you.

Growing up on the bigger side, physically wise, has always been difficult and something you're struggling with to this day. You had always hoped for those extra pounds to disappear once you hit puberty, just like it had happened to all of your friends but those hopes were quickly destroyed when you still found yourself hiding from full length mirrors to avoid having to look at your own body in your third year of High School.

By the time you turned eighteen, you had tried every kind of diet in hopes of losing weight but all of them just ended with you losing motivation and every bit of your happiness and even though you still struggle with it in your mid-twenties, you‘ve come to terms with it.

This is who you are and despite taking literal decades to realize it, you‘ve slowly but surely started accepting it.

However, when it comes to relationships, you‘ve given up completely.

After years and years of being rejected, hidden, fat shamed and disrespected by men who hated their own attraction to bigger women, you stopped wasting your time and energy on dating. If you wanted to hear someone shame you for being big, you could just go home to your family or back in your memory to remember all those mean things the skinny girls in your school had thrown at you.

Or you could just look in the mirror and let your brain do the job after eating literally anything.

Just thinking about a guy like Iwaizumi looking at you in that way has you chuckling coldly and every time you imagine confessing to him, it ends with a broken heart on your side because your brain loves to keep things realistic and never once have you considered the possibility of him liking you back.

It‘s not that Iwaizumi, or any of the Seijoh Volleyball boys, have treated you badly or even slightly differently in the three years you were their manager, but after having to deal with fat shaming your whole life, it has become quite difficult for you to believe that anyone found you attractive at all.

Especially people like the widely known Seijoh third years who also happen to – still – be your closest friends.

And unfortunately, as glad as you are that Iwaizumi remains rather oblivious to your year-long crush on him, the other boys, including the professional athlete to be, Oikawa Tōru who’s currently living his best life in Argentina are pretty much aware of your feelings for the trainer.

So, just as usual whenever the topic of Iwaizumi Hajime enters the conversation between the other two, you’re met with pitying stares from Takahiro and a lot of teasing coming from Issei. But at this point you’ve gotten quite used to it and don’t mind the brunette’s words, whereas you still find yourself growing absolutely annoyed at the way Makki stared at you.

“Stop staring at me like that, Hiro!”, you hiss and roll your eyes, the pity in his face so evident, if you didn’t know any better you’d think he’s mocking you.

“Just confess to him already!”, the strawberryblonde hisses, running one of his pale hands through his locks before he takes a big sip from his beer.

“Yeah, sure!”, you spit back, your words dripping in sarcasm and annoyance as you try to avoid your chest from growing even heavier at the thought of your best friend coming back after all those years.

“He broke up with that blondie months ago”, Matsukawa begins, his naturally sleepy gaze roaming your face attentively, “and he’s coming back to Japan. Now you really have no excuse left, Y/N”, and just as usual his words hit the right spot and all you can do is let out a shaky sigh before the intensity of your insecurities breaks down onto you like a huge wave.

“I‘m not his type, Mattsun”, you hiss, the bitter taste of reality coating the muscle of your tongue in the worst way possible, “and I‘ve had enough males reject and– or fat shame me. If I have to add Hajime to that list as well, it’s going to break me.”

You feel the two males’ soft gazes on you, whereas you can‘t help but focus on the napkin in between your fingers in hopes of distracting yourself from all those dark thoughts by nervously pulling at it.

“Iwa‘s not like that, Y/N”, Makki replies, brows furrowed in irritation; something you've grown quite used to seeing whenever the topic of your body image issues occured.

“Has he ever dated a big girl before, hm?”, you reply and look at him with arched brows and your lips pressed into a thin line. At the lack of response from the two men in front of you, you just lean back and nod.

“That‘s the point”, you take another deep, shaky breath; the tears threatening to spill from your glossy eyes at the thought of your pretty faced best friend and only men in your heart, “nobody likes women who look like me in that certain way, my loves. Every guy I‘ve been and slept with wanted to hide me or the relationship we had because they didn‘t want to be seen with a big girl.”

Suddenly you‘re hit with the memory of all those times you went home after any kind of intercourse with a male who had brought your hopes up with sugarcoated lies. Only to receive a harsh reality check when they asked you to not tell anyone about it, knowing it‘s simply because of the fact you aren‘t part of society‘s beauty standards.

“Y/N, we-”, “I‘m not talking about you two”, you‘re quick to interrupt Hanamaki, giving him a soft smile, “I know you don‘t care about it and sometimes I find myself wishing I would have fallen for one of you instead of the professional trainer”, you let out an empty, coldhearted chuckle before you finish your glass of wine in one go.

“I would fuck you without hesitation”, Mattsun shrugs, his plump lips stretching into a playful smirk and the tiny hint of seriousness in his gaze has you rolling your eyes with a soft scoff.

“Oh, shut the fuck up, Issei”, Makki hisses and gives his best friend the same reaction as you.

“What? I‘m being serious! You know this isn‘t the first time I‘m offering this to you, pretty one”, the brunette replies and this time you can‘t help but chuckle softly at his words, showing him your appreciation for his ability to make such heavy topics vanish from the surface so easily.

“Thank you, Issei but that guy I met on Tinder has been ghosting me for two weeks after we fucked and that‘s why I‘ve had enough dick for now”, and just when you let your gaze roam over the brunette‘s handsome face, you watch Hanamaki‘s face brighten up suddenly and furrow your brows in confusion.

“Hearing Y/N talk about dick is definitely not what I was expecting to come back to but it‘s surely a surprise!”

And upon hearing the familiar voice of your best friend, you understand the reason behind the change in Makki’s expression.

You watch the other two get up from their chairs, approaching the freshly majored trainer with the biggest smiles plastered on their faces whereas you try your best to stay as calm as possible.

However, the simple thought of Iwaizumi coming back had already stressed you out and having him stand behind you in all his glory made the tightness in your chest and the struggle to take proper breaths intensify just like that.

After what feels like an eternity you finally get yourself to stand up as well, turning around literally convinced you‘re ready to see him again after all these years only for it to be the exact opposite.

Your heart skips a whole beat at the sight of Iwaizumi and for a quick second you feel yourself getting dizzy from the lack of oxygen in your lungs.

“Hey”, he mumbles, his voice deep and raspy, something you‘re used to since the two of you have been talking regularly on the phone over the time yet hearing it in person again sends a jolt of hot arousal right into your core.

You nervously let your eyes roam his face; taking in the sight of his features, which have become even sharper during his absence. A soft sigh falls past your lips when you find the little scar right underneath his eyebrow which he had gotten back in middle school during one of his volleyball practices. The familiarity and feeling of security in the soft expression of his pretty, dark green eyes calms you down in an instant and by the time you feel your muscles ease up a bit, he‘s already approaching you with open arms.

Different than you’ve expected from yourself, you‘re quick to wrap your arms around his slim waist, taking him into your embrace with the intention of never letting him go again and at the feeling of his big hands on your body, you can‘t help but tear up a little.

You sniffle softly against the crook of his neck, Iwaizumi letting out a breathy chuckle at your sweet reaction as he caresses your back gently, subconsciously massaging your soft flesh to calm you down even more.

“Seems like someone missed me a lot more than she wanted to admit on the phone, hm?”, Iwa mumbles softly, placing the sweetest kiss on the top of your head as he holds you tight.

Matsukawa and Hanamaki let out a row of deep chuckles, partly laughing at your obvious reaction and partly because of their best friend‘s blatant oblivion.

“Shut up”, you reply with a sniff, taking in the light yet intense smell of his aftershave as well as the scent of detergent you had missed oh so much.

“Enough now, Y/N”, Mattsun huffs, “you can cuddle his stupid ass some other time, let‘s catch up with Mister America”, he adds and you know too well the tall brunette simply does it to stop you from falling even further into this dark hole you‘ve dug yourself; all those years ago.

Throughout the whole night, you stay rather quiet; listening to Iwaizumi‘s stories, more so to his voice but definitely his stories, too.

And every time he mentions some random girl he hooked up with or one of his ex girlfriends, you can literally feel the way he‘s avoiding your gaze; his eyes moving away from your face to focus on the guys as his voice turns a little less enthusiastic. You try your best not to read anything into it, knowing he‘s always been more hesitant towards you when it came to topics like this and in some way you find yourself appreciating it because it definitely helps to make the pain in your chest a little less heavy.

The atmosphere between the four of you remains calm; the familiarity something you‘ve always missed despite you and the other two boys spending just as much time together as you used to back in High School. Having Iwaizumi in your little circle again definitely has changed the air and it‘s in times like these you realize just how close you all actually are.

However, when Hanamaki and Matsukawa both stand up, cigarettes firmly placed between their plump lips, telling the two of you to give them a few minutes, you feel yourself slowly wandering into a state of anxiousness and slight panic.

It‘s not like you haven‘t talked to him alone during his stay in America, but the thought of having to look him in the eyes as you speak has always been something you‘ve struggled with.

Iwaizumi has this certain expression in his beautiful, dark green eyes, which makes it so much harder to not fall for him even more.

You don‘t know if it‘s the confidence and lack of insecurity or the mixture of softness and home which have the butterflies in your stomach go absolutely crazy.

Neither of you say anything for a good minute, your eyes glued to your phone screen which continuously lights up; Oikawa‘s name appearing several times.

You excuse yourself to give the professional athlete the responses he‘s waiting for, rolling your eyes at his way of telling you to shoot your shot at Iwa and “get that D”.

“Are you still talking to that one guy you told me about?”, Iwaizumi suddenly says, his eyes never once leaving yours and with a soft chuckle, you shake your head; enjoying the amount of protectiveness dripping from his words.

“We fucked and then he ghosted me”, you say casually, not realizing that it‘s not one of the other two boys you‘re talking to and with a soft gasp of embarrassment you try to mumble your way out of the situation.

“Iwa, I‘m-”, “Why the fuck would he even do that? Give me his fucking address so I can introduve his kneecaps to my baseball bat”, he‘s quick to interrupt you harshly, his tone filled with anger as his eyes gleam with wrath.

“It‘s okay”, you smile softly, placing your hand on his balled fists to calm him down again, “he told me not to tell anyone that we did it so his intentions have never been good. And on top of that – his dick game was so bad, I didn‘t even get to finish but had to take care of it myself, so it‘s definitely not worth the headache.”

You watch Iwaizumi‘s expression darken even further, his beautiful dark green eyes roaming your face with irritation oozing from his gaze and for a second you like to believe that there‘s even a hint of jealousy in between all those intense emotions but just as usual you find yourself shaking it off rather quickly.

“Why did he ask you not to tell anyone? What the fuck is even wrong with that guy?”, the brunette spits, downing the rest of his beer in one go.

You know why he‘s this angry and at this point you can’t even blame him anymore. Iwaizumi has never really understood why you put up with guys who treated you like absolute shit; continuously telling you how you deserved so much better and even though you wanted to agree, you simply couldn‘t. Because in your head, all those men who were ashamed of being with you yet still found their way to your door were exactly what was meant to be your life.

“Because being with a woman like me isn‘t anything he‘s proud of, Iwa”, you sigh, the words heavy and bitter on your tongue as you struggle to voice the hard reality.

“A woman like you?”, he replies and you see the genuine confusion on his handsome face, making his oblivion sweet almost.

“A big woman, Iwaizumi. Guys don‘t date big girls because we don‘t fit into society‘s beauty standards so being with us is something they‘re ashamed of because God forbid someone thinks they find us attractive“, you nervously play with the hem of your skirt, not having the courage to look into his face as those thing leave your lips, too embarrassed to meet his usually so welcoming and soft, but now wrath-filled gaze.

“That‘s bullshit”, Hajime is quick to spit back, hating the way you belittle yourself like that because of a random guy.

You smile, a soft scoff falling past your lips before you take a sip from the glass in front of you and even though you know you‘re going to regret those words, you still can‘t get yourself to stop from leaving you.

“Then why have you never dated a big girl, Haji?”, your voice is slightly shaky yet you remain the eye contact like a champion, never once averting your gaze from his handsome face even though the thrumming of your heart in your throat makes it so much more difficult to stay focused.

Iwaizumi seems taken aback; your words obviously hitting a place he wasn‘t expecting and that‘s when the feeling of guilt reaches its peak.

“I‘m not- It‘s not because I don‘t find them attractive I just- I uhm-”, the freshly majored professional trainer stumbles over his words like a two-year-old who just started learning how to speak and at the sight of a deep blush covering the apples of his cheeks as well as the tip of his nose and the whole of his neck, you let out a soft sigh.

“You don‘t have to explain yourself, Iwaizumi. I wasn‘t trying to accuse you of anything or offend you in any way, I promise. It’s just a topic I‘ve grown really tired of in the past few years”, you explain, making sure to choose your words carefully and when the tall male suddenly starts calming down again, you know you‘ve got him.

“Y/N, look-”, “Hey, Y/N the weak-dick-game guy is sitting at the bar with his ugly friends, just for your information”, Matsukawa‘s deep voice quickly cuts Iwaizumi off, his words sending shivers down your spine in the most disgusting way possible and with an almost painful roll of your eyes, you down the rest of your best friend‘s beer.

“Wait- What? Which one is it?”, Iwaizumi grunts, the calmness from a few seconds ago completely gone as you look at him with brows furrowed in slight irritation and annoyance.

���It doesn‘t matter, Iwa”, you say and wrap your fingers around his tattooed wrist, making him look into your eyes with another soft exhale, “he‘s not worth it. Just let it go.”

“Y/N, I said”, Iwaizumi is quick to place one of his big hands on your cheek, the dominance in his aura and the authority gleaming in his eyes has you gasping for air and just as usual you feel your panties growing wetter by the minute, “which one is it?”

His words don‘t leave room for protest; so strict and demanding, no matter how hard you try to think rationally, his naturally dominant persona has you submitting to him in a way no other guy has ever managed to.

“T-The one with the long, dark purple Hair”, you quickly reply, pulling your bottom lip between your teeth at the sight of Iwaizumi‘s anger and determination.

“Good girl”, he mumbles and pulls away, not even aware of the way his praise has your cunt throbbing like crazy and you absolutely hate him for it.

For a second you can‘t even get back to reality, the haze of arousal and longing for the tall male standing in front of you completely taking over your consciousness.

However, as soon as your brain registers Makki‘s panicked voice, you‘re quick to snap back and without missing another beat, you grab Iwaizumi‘s arm and look at him with pleading eyes.

“Please don‘t make a scene”, you whisper, knowing oh too well how much he loves to get himself in trouble because of his friends.

“He fucked then ghosted you all that while saying he doesn‘t want anyone to know he was with you because you're a big girl? That ugly fucker needs a fucking reality check because he can count himself hella fucking lucky to ever get a go with a woman as amazing and hot as you”, Iwaizumi hisses, his words filled with anger yet so, so sweet that without giving it another thought, you simply let go and try not to show him just how flustered he‘s gotten you.

“Are you guys about to kiss right now?”, Matsukawa suddenly says and with an almost audible roll of your eyes you lift your hand up, showing him your middle finger before you watch Iwaizumi‘s brows furrow even further with visible irritation.

“Then don‘t fight him”, you sigh, “please, Hajime, don‘t get yourself in trouble for a guy who‘s not worth it.”

“We‘ll see about it”, is all he says before he moves out of your tight grip, leaving you to stand at the table like that.

You feel your heart picking up its pace at the sight of the love of your life approaching your ex-hook up; several worst case scenarios popping up in your head within a few short seconds. And unfortunately every single one ends with Hajime throwing his fist into the guy‘s face because of his raging anger issues; something he‘s been trying to handle throughout his whole life.

“Makki, please do something”, you whimper and look at the strawberryblonde with glossy eyes; shivers running down your spine at the sudden sound of Hajime's deep voice cutting through the music of the bar.

“Not into you my fucking ass”, Takahiro hisses and follows Iwaizumi with quick steps, whereas Matsukawa remains next to you, watching the scene unfold with the fattest, shit eating grin on his face.

And while you‘re worried about Iwaizumi‘s well-being, said male can‘t even seem to think straight. The only thing he manages to focus on is the raging anger and hot wrath rushing through his veins at the thought of some random, small dicked guy treating you like dirt. With every step he takes, it seems to get worse and at some point the professional trainer is worried about his physical health because of the pace his heart is hammering against his rib cage with.

Iwaizumi has always struggled to understand why you put up with males who are literally unworthy of your presence yet every time he had asked, you simply shrugged and told him that this was how you were meant to be loved. Behind closed doors, hidden away from the world by people who literally worship the society‘s beauty standard.

And all of that when you‘ve had him right in front of you for all those years, ready to love and worship every bit of your body and soul.

Of course for you to let him love you he might have had to tell you about his feelings but as the years passed by, Iwaizumi slowly started to lose every bit of hope he had left. During his four year long absence you‘ve had your fair share of boyfriends and after the third one, the only choice he had left was to force himself to move on or else he would have lost his mind.

It‘s not like he never wanted to confess during High School but there was just something holding him back. The thought of losing you was heavy on his chest especially because Iwaizumi was very well aware you didn‘t feel the same. So for his own sake he chose not to tell you about his feelings for you; not even bearing the mental image of going through such rough times without you by his side.

He‘s already lost count of the amount of times he wanted to scream at you about how he would treat you just how you truly deserved to be treated and not like those douchebags who liked to use you for their own pleasure just to throw you away like a used tissue once they were done.

And after not being able to physically do anything for you because of the distance, he‘s finally got the chance to show you that no, those guys‘ behavior is not okay and yes, putting them back into their place is absolutely worth the headache.

“Hey”, the trainer hisses, coming to stand directly in front of the tall, purple haired guy, Rin Matsuoka,  who‘s quick to harden his expression upon seeing the brunette.

“What can I help you with, big guy?”, Rin mumbles, placing his bottle of beer on the counter with his brows raised in curiosity.

Iwaizumi doesn‘t even waste another minute as he harshly grabs the collar of Rin‘sblack leather jacket, pulling him closer to himself. His friends  rather quickly, yet Hanamaki and this time even Matsukawa are faster, coming to stand right next to each one of them with their arms firmly placed in front of their bodies to stop them from intervening.

“You‘re gonna listen to me and you‘re gonna listen good, did you fucking hear me?”, and just like a few minutes ago, Hajime‘s voice is cold and distant, not leaving room for discussion all while making sure to keep his tight grip.

The confusion and immense irritation is clearly visible on Rin‘s features; brows furrowed, jaw tensed and eyes gleaming with some kind of unnameable anger.

And the longer you watch the situation unfold, the heavier the anxiety in your system becomes and as you struggle to take proper breaths, you find yourself approaching your best friends; not wanting him to get his hands dirty on a guy like Matsuoka.

“What the-”, “Iwa please, he‘s not worth it..”, you say and wrap your fingers around his wrist, trying to find his gaze with desperate eyes only for him to gulp harshly and calmly tell you to take a step back.

“You?”, Rin spits, his dark eyes boring into your side as you try to ignore him; the amount of humiliation and shame washing over your body way too overwhelming to handle.

“Haji, let‘s just go, please”, you whisper, taking his face into your hands, his skin literally burning underneath your fingertips.

“No, Y/N, this stupid bastard has to understand that you can‘t just go and treat women like absolute dirt and get away with it”, Iwaizumi moves out of your soft touch, making Rin shift his attention back on you before the deep voice of one of his friends cuts through the tension.

“What the fuck is he talking about, Rin? Do you know her?”, the blonde says, his tone rather degrading when talking about you and at the way his eyes roam your body with a rather opposed expression show you exactly why that‘s the case.

“N-No, I don‘t!”, he‘s quick to defend himself, his eyes shifting to his friends with sheer panic filling the dark color and you feel your heart sink and the disgusting feeling of shame rushing through your veins.

“You‘re such a fucking piece of shit, Rin”, you hiss and swallow your tears; the taste bitter as the realization of being sometjing to be ashamed of hits you yet again.

“You definitely weren‘t acting like this when you fucked me”, you add and roll your eyes, taking a step back as the anger overcomes you and you basically give Iwaizumi a silent free pass to do whatever the hell he needs to, “or better said – when you tried to. It wasn‘t like I came with your weak dick game anyway so..”

“You fucked that fat bitch? Oh, yikes”, the other friend suddenly says, his words hitting you in the face like literal bricks and before you can even take your next breath or shift your eyes to the face the voice belongs to, the guy suddenly falls to the floor, holding his bloody nose.

You let out a shocked gasp, your eyes falling to Hanamaki who‘s busy shaking his hand, his knuckles already reddened and slightly bruised as he looks at you with a satisfied grin, “no one gets to call my best friend a bitch.”

“I was full on drunk and- do you really think I‘d fuck her sober?”, Rin tries to talk himself out of it and with a cold chuckle you throw your head back.

“How the fuck dare you talk to her like that”, is the last thing Iwaizumi spits before he throws his fist right into Rin‘s face with a deep grunt.

Another loud shriek escapes your lips and suddenly the anger and anxiety seem to leave your body and a huge wave of adrenaline hits you at the sight of your ex-hook up falling to the floor and Iwaizumi quickly moving with him.

For what feels like a whole hour but is probably nothing longer than a minute, you‘re literally frozen; your eyes the only moving part of your body as you watch your best friends break their knuckles on the jaws of literal strangers to them.

The following hour passes by in a blur. You can‘t really remember how or who separated them from those guys, or how you got yourself to call an uber and manage to get the four of you to your flat.

By the time the adrenaline stops making the blood rush in your ear, you‘re taking care of Matsukawa‘s wounds with shaky hands; the two others holding ice packs to their faces to ease the swelling of their bruises.

“Stop sighing so much”, Iwaizumi suddenly says, his dark eyes focusing the movements of your hands before he looks at you with a slightly softer expression, “we did what we had to do. And I‘m glad we did it. Those guys already looked so fucking punchable”, he explains and with a scolding scoff you press your lips to a thin line.

“You‘re back in Japan for how long? Two days? Yet already got yourself in trouble, a physical fight at that, Hajime. You‘re not your High School self anymore, start behaving that way, please”, you reply and hand Mattsun a plastic bag filled with ice cubes, softly caressing his bruised cheek before you stand up from your place on the floor.

“You got yourself one hell of a mouth while I was gone,  huh?”, he replies cockily, poking the inside of his cheek with his tongue before he follows you into the bathroom.

You feel your body heating up at his words, the sexual tension laying underneath the surface slowly finding its way to you again and with a soft sigh, you ignore the brunette.

“How was I supposed to let him say all those things to you and not do anything, Y/N?”, Iwaizumi replies, a pouty word of gratitude leaving his lips when you take his big hand into yours and start cleaning up the blood on his bruised knuckles.

You try your best to stop your thoughts from wandering to sinful places yet images of those pretty, tattooed fingers wrapped around your throat and knuckle deep buried inside of your cunt have already filled your mind by the time you lower your gaze from his face.

“I‘m used to-”, “That does not make it okay, Y/N”, your best friend suddenly says, taking your chin in between his fingers to lift your head and look at you with those beautiful, dark green eyes.

“You deserve so, so much better and I‘m glad I can finally tell you this in person after all those years. Please stop letting douches like him take advantage of you”, he sighs, taking your hands into his and pulling you a little bit closer to himself.

“It‘s that or Matsukawa‘s cock and I‘d rather have a stranger emotionally pain me than my best friend, so-”, “What? What the fuck are you talking about?”, Iwaizumi interrupts you harshly, your words obviously irritating him.

“After my last boyfriend dumped me a year ago I‘ve only had casual flings because I got tired of using my hand to get off and Matsukawa offered to take care of it instead. But then again, it‘s just a lot less complicated with a stranger than it is with your best friend, that‘s why I‘m putting up with shit like this”, you explain to him and walk back into the living room where Mattsun and Makki are currently busy with your leftover take out from the previous night.

“So if it wasn‘t for that, you‘d let him fuck you?”, Iwaizumi‘s tone has turned cold again, the softness gone and replaced by something a little thicker and more intense than anger. And when you turn around to look at him, you see literal jealousy gleaming in the green color surrounding his iris, basically leaving you speechless.

“Why do you even care, Iwa?”, you reply, dramatically throwing your hands into the air as his tensed demeanor sends you in some kind of haze of irritation.

“Answer my fucking question, Y/N”, is all you get in response; the brunette closing the distance between the two of you with a few small steps and it‘s the lack of space between your faces that has you realizing just how unevenly he‘s breathing.

Your heart starts slamming against your rib cage with rather brutal pace, your head spinning from the sudden adrenaline shooting through your body and on top of all of it you feel your cunt clenching around nothing like crazy as Iwaizumi’s heavy scent fills your nose.

“Yes”, you say and feel your voice breaking, “yes, I would fuck Matsukawa because why not? Hm, Iwaizumi? There‘s nothing else stopping me from it other than-”, “You can‘t and won‘t fuck him”, he suddenly interrupts your outburst, his expression as dark as ever as he softly pushes you against wall.

“I think this is the moment where we‘re supposed to leave”, Makki mumbles, pulling Mattsun from the couch before they gather their things and leave the two of you to yourself.

As the silence surrounds the two of you, the tension grows even thicker, heavier, more present than before and with every breath you take you feel yourself growing more and more aroused.

“And why is that, hm? I can and will fuck whoever I want”, you spit back, trying so hard ot not let the arousal get to your head yet the disgusting urge to submit to Iwaizumi‘s naturally dominant personality slowly starts overwhelming you.

Hajime chuckles deeply, his eyes lazily roaming your face, pressing his strong body even further against yours as your head starts spinning more and more with every second passing by.

“Iwa…”, you whimper softly, throwing your head back and harshly digging gripping the soft fabric of his shirt; the close contact makes you a lot more nervous than before.

He slowly takes a deep breath before he bends down to let his nose graze your jawline, and eventually letting his mouth find its way to your ear.

“Because no one can fuck you like I can, pretty one”, Iwaizumi whispers, his voice a whole octave deeper than just a few seconds before and you hate the way every single one of his words sends a single, hot jolt of arousal right into your core.

“And”, you hear him inhale sharply, his hands finding their way to your hips, groping the soft flesh firmly in his palms before he takes a short break and then pulls away to look at you again, “no one can love you like I can.”

At the sound of those words, your eyes snap open within a second your heart skips a literal beat.

“W-What?”, you whisper, your throat completely dried up, your head desperately trying to process what he’s just said and just as your body is about to fall into some kind of haze, you feel yourself drowning in a wave of anxiety at the thought of having misheard him.

“I love you, Y/N”, Iwaizumi says just when those thoughts are about to take over you.

“Ha-Hajime…”, you mumble; your bottom lip starts to quiver as tears pricker at the corners of your eyes, the first few finding their way down your cheek in an instant.

A few seconds of silence pass in which you two just look at each other, Iwaizumi’s pupils blown out, cheeks tinted in the deepest shade of red and plump lips parted as he also tries to understand what just happened.

After all these years of imagining what it might be like to hear these kind of words from the love of your life, it’s finally become reality and the longer you look at him, the lighter the weight on your chest becomes.

“I’m sorry if I ruined our friendship with this but I just – couldn’t keep it to myself any longer. When I was in America I had promised myself to confess as soon as possible when I’m back so here I am. Those men don’t deserve you. Neither do I but I would have hated myself forever if I didn’t at least try. So”, he finishes his sudden explanation with another deep exhale before he takes a step back, his glossy eyes wandering from yours down to the floor, “thank you for everything and please take care.”

And fortunately your body acts a lot faster than your mind because while you still try to process his soft, sweet words – the words you’ve been dying to hear for so, so long – you find yourself tightening your grip on his shirt and pulling him back into you with a soft sob.

“I love you, too”, you whisper against his lips, pressing your forehead against his as your eyes flutter shut at the overwhelming warmth coming from his body.

“Fuck, baby”, Iwaizumi chuckles breathlessly, wrapping his arms around your body and burying his face in the crook of your neck, “I’m one lucky bastard, aren’t I?”

You smile brightly at his genuine and soft words, the feeling of coming home – a place you’ve longed for literal years – slowly breaks down onto you in the form of waves and for the first time in a really long time, you don’t mind being overwhelmed like that.

“So that means that you’re mine now?”, Iwaizumi whispers, pulling away and taking your face into his big hands, the smell of blood grazing your nose yet easily gets overshadowed by the way he’s looking at you as if you were holding the whole world in your hands.

You nod and move further into his touch, enjoying the feeling of being so safe and secure in one’s hands after not even feeling comfortable with anyone in years.

“T-Thank you for loving me, Iwa”, you gulp harshly, looking at him with teary eyes at the memory of all those who had managed to break your heart in the past years.

“No, baby”, he sighs, pressing the softest kiss right onto your lips, “thank you for letting me love you. When I say you’re literally everything I’ve ever dreamed of, I’m not even exaggerating because that’s what you are to me. A dream come true”, those are the last words Hajime mumbles before he pulls you into a proper kiss; not giving you the opportunity to reply.

The kiss starts off slow and calm. As if both of you were still trying to understand that this was actually happening because despite the hesitant movements, neither of you can hide the intense hunger lingering underneath every soft peck.

Iwaizumi, just as usual, lacks the patience to keep it going like that, not even trying to take it easier for even longer as he pulls your chin down and calmly pushes his tongue into your mouth, easily eliciting a soft moan from you. Your fingers find home in his brown curls, pulling at the thick strands and finally making him grunt right against your tongue; the deep sound sending vibrations and sweet little jolts of excitement through your whole body.

You slowly feel his hands wander; first starting off caressing your back, groping the soft flesh of your waist as well as the fingers of his right hand softly digging into your skin and for a second. You allow yourself to fall deeper and deeper into the perfect feeling of his touch until suddenly a mental image of his most recent ex-girlfriend pops up in your head and you stop functioning completely.

Iwaizumi lets his lips wander down your chin, placing a row of open mouthed kisses on your jaw before he moves to your neck and pulls the sensitive skin into his mouth without wasting another minute. The feeling of his hot tongue on your skin has your eyes rolling into the back of your head as you desperately try to distract yourself from your anxiety‘s attempt to ruin this for you.

You let out a soft whimper when Hajime wraps one of his big hands around one of your tits, harshly groping the flesh while rubbing his hard, clothed cock against your thick thigh.

His deep grunts and needy touches have you ruining your panties in no time to the point where the lacey fabric is literally sticking to your hot flesh in a rather uncomfortable way.

“Need you, baby”, Iwaizumi grunts, the movements of his hips rather sloppy and rushed yet so, so genuine and sweet, you can‘t help but smile softly.

“You got me, Haji”, you reply and take his handsome face into your hands, caressing his cheeks with your thumbs, “I‘m all yours.”

“Fuck, baby”, he moans and suddenly pulls away, his hands finding their way to the hem of your dress before he meets your eyes and wordlessly asks for your consent.

You give him a quick nod, pushing the voice of your anxiety all the way to the back of your head as Hajime slowly pushes the fabric up your thighs, revealing more and more skin before his eyes roll into the back of his eyes at the sight of your black lace panties.

He doesn‘t waste much time; quickly pulling the rest of it over your head and then taking a whole step back to let his greedy eyes roam your body with lust and nothing but adoration.

And when you realize your current, exposed state you take a deep breath to hold those insecurities back, however they‘re a lot faster than you are.

You nervously try to cover your naked body with your arms. Just the thought of him finding you and your body disgusting breaks your heart into pieces and with shivers of shame rushing down your spine, you lower your gaze.

“L-Look, I know it‘s not what you‘re used to and I- you don‘t have to touch me. I can just suck your cock or give you a handjob if you feel more comfortable that way”, you say, your voice a mere whisper and eventually breaking at the end when you give in to the tears.

“Baby…”, Iwaizumi sighs, pain evident in the tone of his voice. He calmly takes your wrists into his big hands before he pulls your arms away from your body, softly asking you to look at him and after what feels like an eternity, you manage to lift your head only to be met with nothing but warm, dark green eyes.

“You‘re fucking perfect”, he whispers and places a tiny little kiss on your lips, leaving you longing for more as he pulls away right afterwards, “there‘s literally nothing I would change about you.”

At the sound of those sweet words, you simply cannot hold back your tears any longer. You look at Iwaizumi with a quivering bottom lip as you let out a row of soft sobs; digging your nails into the skin of his wrists because you simply don‘t know what else to do.

For the first time in your life, your brain isn‘t protesting against a compliment and you know if it wasn‘t for him, there would be no way you‘d believe it.

“B-But your ex-girlfriends are the exact opposite and-”, “They don‘t matter, baby. You‘re you and it‘s all I could have asked for. I‘m in love with every part of your body and that has never been any different”, Iwaizumi interrupts you with his calm voice, placing his hands on your waist before one of them finds its way to your barely clothed ass.

“But-”, “No more buts”, the brunette says, a lot sterner and more determined, groping the flesh of your ass and then landing a firm spank on the soft flesh which has you whimpering into the crook of his neck.

Iwaizumi chuckles and pulls you into another deep kiss, sucking at your tongue, nibbling on your bottom lip all while his hands make sure to graze every bit of naked skin they can find. He pushes his leg in between your thighs, pressing it right against your cunt and without even wasting another second you find yourself grinding against the strong muscle. The fabric of his jeans rubs your throbbing clit in the best way possible, eliciting a row of needy whimpers from you.

You feel yourself soaking through the fabric of our lace panties and you know you‘re currently leaving a huge stain on Iwaizumi‘s pants but the pleasure clouding your mind makes it so easy to just ignore it.

“What a needy girl you are, baby”, Hajime mumbles, caressing the slightly dampened skin of cheeks with his thumb before he moves to graze your bottom lip and eventually pushes the digit into your open mouth.

Your lids fly open at the taste of his skin on your tongue, twirling the muscle around his thumb and then sucking on it softly, followed by some muffled moans of his name.

Iwaizumi watches you attentively for what feels like an eternity. His beautiful eyes wandering from the way you‘re rubbing your clunt against his clothed thigh to your perky nipples and then up to the way your lips look wrapped around his thumb like that and from the way his expression keeps growing darker and even hungrier, you know he‘s more than just enjoying your despair.

“I want to spit in your mouth”, he says, using the dominant tone you‘re oh so used to at this point and there‘s no way you‘d ever say no to him.

Something about being claimed in such a lewd way by the man you‘ve been dreaming of for years has you grinding your pussy into his thigh even harder; making sure to hit your clit with every rushed drag of your hips.

“Yes, p-please, Daddy”, you beg, not even overthinking any of your words as you part your lips and look at him with big, needy eyes.

When you notice the rather shocked and slightly overwhelmed expression on Iwaizumi‘s face, you gulp harshly, tilting your head to the side with your lips pushed into a concerned pout.

“What‘s wrong, Iwa?”, you whisper, way too scared of his response.

“You called me Daddy”, he replies and licks his plump lips, whereas you freeze completely at his comment.

“D-Did I? I‘m so sorry, Iwa”, the apology falls past your lips almost instantly at the realization because you know that not every guy is comfortable with such dynamic and even if Hajime definitely has a natural dominance to his personality, you should have waited a little longer before bringing this particular kink up.

“None of my boyfriends liked it and I don‘t like using it with completely strangers so I g-guess I just feel really safe with you and it slipped and I- oh, God, I‘m so sorry.”

You pull away from Iwaizumi with shaky hands, tears threatening to spill for the nth time within such a short period and you try your best to look everywhere but his eyes.

However, Iwaizumis seems to have other plans.

He takes your chin into his hand and pulls your face closer, nudges your nose with his own and then sucks your bottom lip into his mouth; making you whimper rather loudly.

“Say it again, baby”, he whispers, “tell Daddy how badly you want his spit.”

As his words echo inside of your brain, you let out a loud, high pitched whine, harshly trying to press your thigh further together ss the throbbing of your cunt becomes unbearable.

“Please, Daddy”, you reply, pushing his hand down to your neck and smiling softly when he wraps his pretty fingers around your throat, feeding right into every single fantasy you‘ve been imagining for so long, “spit in my mouth and on my cunt, I don‘t care. I just need it.”

“Good girl”, Iwa growls softly, “open up then, pretty one.”

You part your lips almost automatically at the sound of his demand, sticking your tongue out slightly and looking up at him with anticipation and such eagerness, if it wasn‘t for him, you would have never been as comfortable as this.

Iwaizumi smirks at you, keeping his grip on your throat firm but not too tight as he gathers his own saliva and spits into your mouth with a loud, lewd sound that sends shivers of pleasure straight down your spine and right into your core.

You can‘t stop your lips from stretching into a big smile when his taste coats the muscle of your tongue, swallowing it all in one go before you open your mouth yet again to show him it‘s all gone.

“Good fucking girl”, Iwaizumi praises you softly, caressing your cheek before he lets fo of your throat, “I got myself a perfect little doll, hm?”

“Thank you, Daddy”, you reply quickly, the intense urge to obey to his every word and submit to his every move absolutely overwhelming  at this point, but you would never want it any other way.

“Look at you, using your manners for me. You‘re welcome, princess. What about a little reward for being so good for me, baby? Wanna sit on my face so I can eat that pretty pussy of yours?”, Iwaizumi takes you hand into his, intertwining his fingers with yours before he guides you to the couch, letting himself fall into the soft cushion whereas you try your best not to panic at his words.

Of course the thought of having his mouth on your cunt is more than just tempting but you've never sat on a guy‘s face before; the fear of literally suffocating him with your weight making it impossible for you to even think about it.

“C-Can‘t you just eat me out like this, Daddy?”, you whisper, looking down to meet Iwa‘s hungry gaze and stopping him from pulling your panties any further down your thighs.

“I‘m too heavy”, the explanation follows right away, not wanting him to think it has anything to do with him or his wishes, “I don‘t want to hurt you.”

“Baby, I want you to sit on my face so I can eat your pretty pussy. That‘s it”, Iwaizumi says, his right hand finding the clasp of your bra and quickly getting rid of it before he takes both of your tits into his big hands; toying with your nipples and attentively watching the way your gasps grow louder with every pull on the perky buds, “you don‘t have to if you don‘t want to but don‘t you dare worry about me because this has been a dream of mine for literal years. Oh, how badly I want to be squished by those pretty, thick thighs of yours – you have no idea.”

“I want to! It’s just that I’ve never done this before. A-Are you sure? Please don‘t think you have to want this to make me feel better, I‘m okay with whatever you‘re comfortable with”, you whisper, not trusting your voice when you suddenly feel Iwaizumi‘s fingers tracing patterns on the inside of your thighs.

“Enough of this, pretty one”, his words are accompanied by a firm spank on your naked ass cheek; the pain of the sting leaving your pussy a spasming mess and with a soft moan you tighten your grip in his hair, “now sit on my face or I won’t fuck you.”

“N-No! Daddy, I‘m sorry, I promise I‘ll be good”, you whine quickly letting go of him so he can lay on his back only for Iwaizumi to get rid of his black shirt; revealing his strong, well trained body and all those dark lines adorning his tanned skin to your hungry eyes.

It takes you a few good seconds to gain enough confidence to actually spread your legs over his face, your whole body shaking with nervousness. But once Iwaizumi wraps his strong arms around your thighs and pulls your body even further down to his face, you slowly start easing up.

The feeling of his hot breath fanning against the wet flesh of your cunt sends goosebumps down your back. And the sight of his pretty face between your thick thighs, something you‘ve always been so insecure about, seems to slowly take a place as one of your favorite images to ever exist.

“Look me in the eyes, baby”, Iwaizumi mumbles and sucks at the skin of your inner thigh, his tongue on your skin making more and more juices gush out of your already drenched cunt as you allow yourself to meet his hungry gaze.

And just when your eyes meet, Iwaizumi sticks his tongue out and licks a long stripe over the hor flesh of your pussy before he gently pulls your little clit into his mouth and starts sucking on it.

You let out a loud groan; the sudden stimulation on your needy clit sending literal shock waves of pleasure through your body and without even realizing you slowly grind yourself further against his mouth.

Iwaizumi moans into your flesh, the deep bass of his voice sending vibrations right into your core, making your cunt clench even harder around nothing and if it wasn‘t for the intensity of his stare, you would have looked away already. Yet just as usual, there‘s something about the way he looks at you which has you feeling at literal ease – even in such a situation.

“Come on, baby”, Iwaizumi suddenly grunts, letting go of the sensitive bud with a loud sound before placing an open mouthed kiss on your clit and landing a harsh spank on your ash which has your body jolting in antica, “don’t be shy now. Ride my face like the good girl you are, make me proud…”, he adds softly, his words encouraging you easily and with a sound of affirmation, you start grinding your hips to meet the hot muscle of his tongue.

The following minutes are filled with loud slurping noises, high pitched moans and deep grunts as well as more words of affirmation and encouragement all while Iwaizumi continues to switch between thrusting his tongue into your tight hole and sucking on your clit before he eventually starts fingerfucking you with two of his thick digits.

You can't help but throw your head back at the immense amount of pleasure; your body and mind slowly reaching a point of complete haze as you lose yourself in the feeling of his touch.

And by the time you finally feel the taste of your high coating the tip of your tongue, your grip on Iwaizumi‘s hair tightens and a row of loud, choked out begs fall past your bit swollen lips.

“Look at your greedy little pussy clenching around my fingers like that”, Iwa chuckles deeply, picking up the pace of his thrusts as he keeps his mouth way too close to your throbbing little clit, “and those pretty begs. Gosh, baby, you‘re going to drive me insane.”

“S-So close, Daddy”, you choke out, your eyes flying open when you feel a third finger joining the two inside of your tight cunt, the pain of the stretch in combination with the pleasure of your upcoming high making your head spin.

“There we go, that‘s my baby”, he takes a deep breath and starts kneading the soft flesh of your ass in his palms, “want you to cum all over my fucking face. Show me what a good fucking girl you are.”

And those are the last words your brain manages to register before you feel the first wave of your orgasm hit you. Your sight turns pitch black and then white for a good second, your whole body tensing up at the feeling of coil in your core finally snapping.

Your thighs are shaking, your breath continuously hitching as you desperately try to regain your composure and if it wasn‘t for Iwaizumi‘s touch on your sensitive pussy, you‘d stay in the beautiful haze of your orgasm.

“You came so hard for me, baby”, Iwaizumi grins and pushes his fingers into his mouth before you finally find enough energy to get off of his face.

“W-Want more”, you whisper, your voice raspy and breathy as you tell him your request; low-key scared of being too greedy yet at the sight of Iwaizumi‘s eyes sparkling with excitement, you know he‘s not one to deny you anything. He‘s never been, after all.

“How about we move this to your bedroom, baby? I‘ve been dying to press your face into the mattress and ruin that little pussy of yours.” You feel a jolt of excitement blooming inside your chest at his words, nodding eagerly before you reach for his hand and guide him down the hall to your bedroom.

“Do you want me to suck you off?”, you say when the two of you come to stand in your room, your eyes focusing on the huge bulge in his pants, which manages to scare you slightly with its impressive size.

You always knew your best friend wasn‘t on the smaller side when it came to size yet you still can‘t hide just how surprised you are by its actual size. And suddenly the three fingers make a lot more sense to you.

“Let‘s save that for another time, pretty one. I‘ve been dreaming about pumping your cute little hole full of my cum for way too long. I can‘t wait any longer”, Iwaizumi replies and finally starts unbuckling his belt.

You take the few seconds he‘s busy to let your eyes admire the beauty of his perfectly sculpted body. You follow the dark lines of his chest tattoo, take in the sight of his stone hard abs and veiny arms as you press your thighs even more together to ease some of the pressure on your cunt.

“Are you done eyefucking me, pretty one?”, Iwaizumi suddenly chuckles, casually pushing his jeans as well as his boxer briefs down his meaty thighs and exposing his hard cock for your hungry eyes to devour.

He wraps his pretty fingers around his throbbing length, the tip an angry shade of red as precum continues to leak out; making your mouth water at the mere thought of having him in your mouth.

“Everything about you is so pretty”, you sigh and look into his eyes, the genuine appreciation in the green surrounding his iris making your heart grow warmer before he comes to stand in front of you in all of his glory.

“I love you so much”, Iwaizumi replies calmly, taking your face into his big hands before he places the softest kiss on your forehead.

“I love you, too”, you mumble and get up, pressing your lips against his and sighing into his mouth when he pushes his tongue past your lips without missing a beat.

Just when Iwaizumi starts letting his hands wander over your naked body, he halts his movements and pulls away slightly, “my pretty little baby, make sure to face the mirror so you can watch while I fuck your brains out. I want you to see just how perfect you are.”

“Yes, Daddy”, you whisper, your lips stretched into a big, big smile as you move out of his strong grip to position yours on your knees just as you were told.

Your heart suddenly starts racing again when you bury your face in your arms, making sure to push your ass as high as possible to give Iwaizumi easy access to your glistening cut. The excitement in combination with the pleasure and deep, deep longing finally manage to take over your brain; shoving the anxiety alongside all those insecurities to the very back of your head and making it easy for you to put your whole focus on the tll male behind you.

Iwaizumi’s rough hands caress your bare ass softly, kneading the flesh and lightly spanking it a few times before he lets a thick drop of his spit fall right onto your clenching pussy; sending goosebumps down your back at the feeling of it sliding down your flesh and mixing with your leaking juices.

You feel the tip of his thick cock nudging your entrance, the memory of his size making you tense up subconsciously and just when you’re about to hold your breath, Iwaizumi’s deep, calming voice echoes through the silence of your room.

“Take a deep breath, baby”, he whispers, knowing you’re going to follow his orders just like the good girl you love to be, “Daddy’s got you, okay? I’m gonna go easy, I promise.”

You lift your head to meet his comforting gaze through the mirror in front of you and without another beat passing, you feel yourself calming down again; the feeling of being absolutely safe and secure in his hand making it the easiest task.

And when Iwaizumi feels the tension in your body easing up, he lines himself up with your entrance and slowly pushes his thick tip into your tight hole. You whimper at the delicious stretch, the pain easily overshadowed by the sound of Iwaizumi’s heavy breathing and little moans.

“I’m gonna go all in, baby or else it’s going to hurt a lot more”, you appreciate his warning because as he’s saying it, Iwaizumi thrusts the whole of his impressive length into your spasming cunt; pushing every bit of air out of your lungs and pushing you way too close to your second high of the night. You can’t help but whimper loudly, tears already streaming down your cheeks because of the beautiful feeling of pain and pleasure mixing inside of your veins from the intensity of the stretch.

Iwaizumi, as always the gentleman, gives you all the time you need to adjust to his size; only growing slightly impatient as you still whine softly after two whole minutes yet you’re quick to lift your head again with quivering bottom lip and teary eyes, begging him to just fuck you.

“Please, Daddy”, you sob, moving away from him in a desperate attempt for some kind of friction; your cunt spasming around his thick cock like crazy and you know you’re only a few thrust and some clit stimulation away from your next high, “please, fuck me.”

“My greedy little whore”, Iwaizumi grunts, pulling his cock out of you astonishingly slow with the sole purpose of teasing you, “you’re going to take what Daddy gives you, did you hear me?”

You moan as the feeling of his tip dragging alongside your spongy walls, your eyes rolling into the back of your head only to find your way back to reality with a couple of harsh spanks on your already sore ass.

“Good sluts answer when being talked to, pretty one”, he warns, thrusting his cock back into you with one quick snap of his hips; burying himself balls deep inside of your overly sensitive cunt.

“Yes, Daddy, yes”, you cry and look up at him with glossy eyes, “just please, fuck my stupid little cunt, please.” Iwaizumi lets out a row of deep chuckles followed by raspy groans in response to your perfect answer before he nods at you and mumbles a few soft praises right into your ear and then straightens himself again.

“Alright then, pretty one.”

Loud grunts fill your ears so beautifully, echoing through the thick air of your bedroom and in combination with the sound of skin meeting skin in a constant rhythm, you feel the exact way your body is slowly falling into the beautiful bliss of another high.

Iwaizumi fucks you fast, harsh and rough. There’s nothing soft and romantic about the way his hips are meeting yours in a steady rhythm; making sure to hit that sweet spot deep inside of your pussy with every single one of his thrusts as he continues to use his whole strength on your burning ass.

But not once do you even think about telling him to go easier on you; this iwaizumi the one you’ve been imagining for all those years.

It doesn’t take long for him to wrap his strong arm around your chest to pull you up, his fingers also finding their way back home around your delicate throat.

“Look at you, baby”, he groans right into your ear, making you open your eyes and meet your own reflection in the mirror, “you’re so fucking beautiful, I can’t comprehend it.”

You stare at yourself with your lips parted in awe, eyes falling to the sight of Iwaizumi’s thick cock stretching your tiny cunt before you go back to trying to recognize yourself.

Because for the first time in literal years, you don’t hate what you see and even if it’s because of IWaizumi’s strong body right behind you, you still feel this certain type of warmth blossoming in your chest.

"Feels so good, baby", he groans, throwing his head back as the movements of his hips start to become slightly sloppier, a little more uncontrolled, "so tight and warm, so fucking perfect", Hajime’s voice breaks at the end of his soft praise because of your walls clenching around his cock even more the closer you get to the edge.

You start feeling dizzy, your sight turning into a blurr and at some point you can’t even in- or exhale without letting out a shaky moan.

Iwaizumi looks at you with wide, hungry eyes, the feeling of your walls gripping his cock like a goddamn vice sending him into an ecstatic state and the longer he watches you getting lost in the pleasure, the more he struggles to keep his rhythm.

You’re mumbling incoherent sentences, desperately trying to tell the brunette about how close you are whereas the pleasure makes it absolutely impossible for you to form a proper sentence.

“Are you going to cum for me again, baby?”, Iwaizumi grunts, tightening his grip on your throat, making you gasp for air as you nod in response to his question.

“My perfect little slut”, he sighs, his hand reaching down to rub your hard, throbbing clit with two of his rough digits, “fucking do it. Cum for your Daddy like the good whore you are.”

And just like a few minutes prior, those words are the last straw and eventually make you stumble over the edge head first. Your walls start spasming around Iwa’s cock like crazy, your loud moans and soft cries are the only thing he can focus on and without missing another minute, Iwaizumi also lets himself get consumed by the beautiful feeling of relief.

Iwa hips still, his cock buried deeply inside of your tight sex as he coats your walls with his creamy cum. Your new boyfriend gets lost in the feeling of finally getting to cum inside of you after waiting for so many years; feeding the fantasy of getting to claim you in the most intimate way possible. He buries his face in the sweaty crook of your neck, his rapid breath fanning your skin as the two of you try to calm down from your intense highs. Your hand finds its way into his dark hair, massaging his scalp with your eyes closed and your legs still shaking from the aftermath of your breathtaking orgasm. Without pulling out of you, despite his own release leaking out of you and down the sides of his cock, Iwaizumi makes you lay down with him; just tightly holding you in his arms.

A few minutes filled with nothing but soft breathing pass by before you finally find the strength to move again; the sudden need to look at Iwaizumi’s completely fucked out face overwhelming you in the best way possible. And when you turn around to look at him, you’re met with a breathtaking sight.

Messy strands of sweaty hair falling into his flushed face, swollen lips and glossy eyes sparkling at you in a way you’ve never seen before and in that moment you feel yourself falling in love with Iwaizumi all over again.

“I’m so in love with you”, you whisper and caress the soft skin of his cheeks, loving the way he moves even further into your touch.

“Always and forever only yours, pretty one”, Iwaizumi sighs and presses his forehead against yours.

࿏ A/N: And here it finally is! My first x chubby reader fic!! As a chubby someone who’s been reading fanficion for a long time, I’ve always craved some kind of representation and now I finally got to join this side of the community and I’m more than just happy about the way it turned out. I genuinely hope you guys will enjoy this and find comfort the same way I did while writing this. Please feel free to leave any sort of feedback if you enjoyed it and thank you so much for everything.

[nhinxsworld]

Hello, I really enjoyed your piece about Gojou's kinks in your masterlist! I was wondering if you write for male reader? Maybe a third year that Gojou likes to punish and degrade in praticular and be possessive over? (Sentimental Gojou?? He's been teaching him since his first year) Reader isn't weak or innocent but he lets Gojou treat him the way he does because he doesn't have anyone else in his life and Gojou has him wrapped around his little finger? Take it wherever you like, I'm sorry if this is too fucked up x

Is this what you wnated Im not sure!!! But i liked the request anyways 🥰 was little confused about what to do about male reader since I myself am not male! but it was fun to try i hope I did you justice on this :)

reader has Inumakis curse!!!

Gojo Satoru x male reader

my list uwu

warnings: manipulation ; non-con/dub-con(?) ; just slight degradation ; yeah im not good at this probably a couple uncomfortable stuff usage of slut etc.

Gojo Satoru loves all his students, he really does yet he still can't help himself but to pick favorites. They've all grown on him, but he can't seem to take his eyes of one specific student.

It doesn't take a genius to figure out who Gojos favorites are, it's easy to tell his favorite is his beloved third year.

Picking you up since you're only fifteen, Gojo had a liking the way you just seemed to always search for his validation. For you it has always been Gojo, Gojo, Gojo.

He has his pretty boy, by a leash and he decides how long it is.

The soccerer hums happily when he sees you in the classroom all alone, stepping inside he closes the room, causing you to look up at him.

"(Y/n)~" he calls almost too sweetly and puts his hand on the table pushing whatever you've been doing out of the way.

The rattling of paper, is heard. Before the paper could even land on the floor. He pulled down your mask to reveal your curse pattern, gripping you by your jaw "(Y/n)" he repeats and you look at him, eyes staring at his blindfold where his would usually be, yet you couldn't help yourself but trail from his blindfold to his rosy lips.

Just staring at him not able to say a word.

"Am I not your favorite?" he asks and you just stare at him. Why was he asking that, of course he is your favorite. Who else could it be?

Not allowing you to give him any kind of answer, he presses his tumb to your lips pushing at your bottom lip until, you bought out your tongue to lick and suck at his finger, making him smile.

"Haha of course I am your favorite. Who else would indulge such a dirty boy like you?" he chuckles as he spits in your face making you close your eyes instinctively. "Surely not Yuuta. Yuuta didn't pick you up when you needed someone the most now did he?"

Opening your eyes you shoke your head as Gojo just watches his spit run down your cheek like tears before he whipes it out in your face, his fingers lingering over your curse marks.

"That's right Sensei did." he reminds you once again, that it was him that took you in. It's him who made you, who you are and he can take it all away if he desires.

The older tugs at your shirt "Take everything off."

Starring at him for a moment you unbuttoned your uniform, that Gojo had chosen for you. Like many other choices, Gojo did them all for you.

Stripping of the shirt, taking off the shoes, slipping of the pants, your reached for you boxers too, taking everything of for the man before you. You're just so willing to listen to everything he says.

Pushing you down against the table he hums looking at your exposed body, the room feeling a couple degrees too cold now fully exposed, yet some other parts of your body are burning.

His large hands presses against a bruise on your side watching whince in pain and he just smiles "You see (Y/n), I have nothing against Yuuta. I like him, he is a precious student just like you."

Tracing over the bruise from your training session with the other pupils Gojo just laughs "But I have an issue, if you're getting hurt because of Yuuta."

Fingers digging into your bruise, until he hears you whine "because you're mine, this body is mine and I don't like my property getting damaged."

His, his body, his property, those words seems to spiral in your mind. His, his his, it's something you wished for. You remember clearly, the day you ran to him needing his comfort, his guidance, his touch.

Another laugh escapes his lips as he stares you down "Did my pathetic boys cock just twitch from me digging into his wounds?"

His grip gets even harsher "Or is it because this wound is caused by Yuuta? It's because of me right?"

You didn't answer him, it's none of those two options right? He had made you strip down in classroom, you're just anticipating for something else right? You're not getting off to him hurting you like this right?

A smirk spreads across his face "This bruised is caused by Sensei yeah?" he traces over it slowly as it has taken an even darker colour than before and you looked at him with scared eyes.

You weren't sure when it took a turn into this direction, from wanting to be with him, needing him as figure to guide you through the dark, to now depending your whole existence on him.

"You look so exited." he smiles as he traces careful lines under your eyes "Did you miss me?" he presses against the bruise soflty just to remind me you again of the aching pain "You can't live without my touch can you?"

You're terrified to feel this way, even more terrified the way your cock twitches from feeling like this.

He gives you a look of pity "I've told you, you're mine." Knocking against your head with his finger knuckle "Your dumb brain hasn't understood yet hmm? But your body has, and it's so honest."

"Don't you like it when Sensei talks down on you?" he questioned as he cups your face "I'd call you my pretty boy, but that doesn't make your little cock hard now does it?"

"It only does when I call you a pathetic slut, who is needy of my attention." his voice growls and to your confusion your body does react to those words, supporting his statements.

His hand gripped your throat with an amused yet somewhat judgemental face, he squeezes your neck just tiny bit, until he can hear you choke "You like this too don't you? When I'm mean, when I hurt you?"

It's hard to deny, to shake your head, wanting to tell him no, when you can't speak and you're body giving a completely diffrent answer. A harsh slap to your face, has you feeling it in your lower area.

"Haha~" he smiles "Pitifully cute aren't you?"

"You love sensei so much don't you? Your body grew accustomed to Sensei touching you the way he likes it hmm?" he askes you questions for questions knowing well you couldn't protest against him.

"Remember when you used to whimper around so cutely? When I used to praise you?" the older beams, reminiscing of older times "Sensei is your first hmm? He took such good care of you didn't he?"

"Such good care of you and your body." Gojo hums, pinching and twisting your nipples until they're hard "I had fun."

"It's so honest just for me now." The soccerer sounds proud of himself, proud to have taken such a pure boys first with love and care, just to slowly drift of that road.

Binding you to him with promises and words of love.

You felt a lash like feeling on your body, caused by his infinity "stop..." you choked out and he tilts his head to the side "Stop? You know that doesn't work on me dummy."

"When has it ever?" he laughs as he traces over your curse marks once again "Besides why would you want me to stop?"

"You like being bruised and hurt by me, no?" he continued and you want refuse, tell him no, but all you're able to do is shake you're head at him until he decides to hold your face still forcing you to nod.

"Don't lie to me." he pulls down his blindfold to reveal the sky blue eyes you've fallen in love with "You wanted me to do this, don't you remember?"

"You're such a good boy. I love you so much (Y/n). You're so perfect, I promise I'll be gentle, just tap me when I need to stop okay?"

-

"(Y/n), can we try something? Ill take it slow."

The first time you tapped against his skin, asking him to stop, with tears running down your cheeks and he stops to kissi your marks "Don't worry baby, haha see I stopped." Yet you failed to notice his cock just growing harder in his pants from the way you're crying.

-

Cries and taps, rapid taps against his shoulders, that turned into slaps, you're voice breaking from telling him to stop, an activation of your curse until he halts, blood running down your lips, you failed to notice how your curse didn't effect him "Awww no don't cry, it's okay, it's okay. I won't hit you anymore, if you don't like it. I love you, you don't have to do these things, because I like them. Don't worry about me, I give you what you need. You don't seem to like the things I do, maybe we should stop here."

-

The older had stopped touching you from there on just smiling and waving when sees you, no hugs, no kisses, no praise, nothing comes from him after what had happened making you feel guilty. This is you're fault isn't it?

Gojo always indulged in yours needs, why couldn't you indulge in his.

So the next time you see him you stopped him in his tracks, taking his hands in yours, already felling special as he had let you through his infinity. Bringing his hand to your face, you slapped yourself, and if you could see his eyes widen underneath his mask.

"Hmm? What's that for little one?"

Tugging your neck piece down you looked at him "Hurt me. Love me."

"Remember??" he looks psychotic "you wished for me to do this, I'm indulging in your fantasy. You've placed this curse on yourself, you placed this curse on us."

Gojo never leaves himself unprotected from your curse speech.

The soccerer never lets himself be vulnerable, specially not such technique as yours that is just so easy to block out. You can scream and hurt your pretty throat all you want, he won't be having any of that.

Gojo wraps his hands around yours and bought it up to his cheek slapping himself "Hurt me. Love me"

"That's what you did. I had nothing to do with that." he chuckles "You did that all on your own. I didn't force you, you wanted to be mine and I made you mine. You have to hold responsibility you know?"

Bringing you down to your knees infront of him unzipping his own pants "Don't strain yourself, you don't have to to say anything. Sensei knows, he always knows best for you hmm?"

Pumping his own cock a couple times he forced it into your mouth "Now be good boy."

Hands gripping onto his tight as he just fucks your mouth to his content, just so he can hear you choke and see you cry.

He just can't help himself when his pretty boy looks so lewd sucking him off, like it's the only thing you're made for.

"Hmmm, fuck. Might as well just be my full-time cocksleeve, if you like getting bruised and hurt so much, I'll just have to do it." he chuckled as you felt another lash like feeling against your skin making you moan.

"Awww, such a painslut aren't you?" he smirks as he looks down on you to admire his mess, his hand in your hair forcing down more than you can take "Come on slut, you've done this often enough."

A groan escapes his lips as he pulls you off him allowing you to breath "stop, please...." your voice broken and hoarse and just smiles "Didn't I tell you already not to strain yourself? You're so funny trying to pull these things on me."

No matter what you say, no matter what you do with Gojo it has no use, until it's something he wants himself.

"Or are you just that much of a plain slut? Needing to damage yourself as much as possible?" he asks as you felt the cold sole of his shoes pressed against your cock.

"Pathetically cute." he beams when he sees you're all hard and leaking, just from the way he talks to you and the sole of his shoes pressing against your lenght.

"Oh sensei loves you so much." he grins as he places a stinging slap to your face that stings and burns "And I show it through the pain I cause, I know you need this."

[oikirstein]

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭 | Kuroken | Day 1

Synopsis: Kenma has has loved his best friend, Kuroo, for a lifetime. After a misfortunate occurrence which was photographed by the media, the PR team for Bouncing Ball Corp. decide that it’s a good idea for Kenma and Kuroo to play along with the public to increase the sales of their upcoming product release. Will Kenma be able to control his emotions, or will he lose his best friend in the process?

Contains: Angst, unrequited love, fake relationship

Posted: 12/21/2020

Word count: 3,342

Haikyuu Angst Week Prompt List here.

I have been in love with Tetsuro Kuroo since I was seven years old.

I still love him—eighteen years later.

Growing up as best friends, he was never a hard person to love. He looks out for me, brought me out of my comfort zone, hell, he’s the reason why I’ve grown into who I am today. I’d never admit that to his stupid face, though.

I was seventeen when I realized my love for him was more than just platonic. He was a year older than me, so by the time I started my third year, he was already off to university. The harsh reality of the situation finally weighed heavy on me when I waited outside of his house for thirty minutes and remembered he’s not coming anymore.

He called me later that evening apologizing, although he did nothing wrong, because that’s just the type of person Kuroo was. The next week he surprised me by waiting outside my door to walk me to school.

“I miss this,” he reminisced, staring up at the sky.

“What?” I turned to him, heart racing just a little more than usual, hoping for a certain string of words to come out of his mouth.

“Walking to school like this every morning.”

They didn’t.

I don’t know what I was hoping for. Maybe I wanted him to say he missed walking with me. I’m not sure whether I’d rather hear lies or the truth. That was the day I admitted to myself that he’d be the only person for me.

Now here we are, me at 25 and him at 26 sitting in my office with my publicist yelling at us for being so reckless in public. It was a misunderstanding, really.

“How could you do that at a party where you knew there’d be press coverage?” Kata was pacing back and forth while I rested my forehead on my crossed arms that laid on the glass desk and Kuroo leaned back in his chair on the other side of the table.

“Kata,” she stopped mid-stride and turned her attention to me as I muttered, “how many times do I have to repeat myself,” I lifted my head back up, “IT ISN’T WHAT YOU THINK.”

Kuroo found it difficult to hold back his laugh.

“I don’t think you should be laughing, Kuroo-san. You’re in just as much trouble as Kozume-san.”

He stopped laughing.

“Anyway, it doesn’t matter what I think. It was never about what I thought. The point of my job is to make sure you look good for the public. Thats what a publicist does. Now the issue here, is that the public thinks you’re dating.”

“Okay, wow so all it takes is for me to fall, Kuroo to catch me, and some no-name photographer to snap a picture of us for us to be considered ‘dating’ now?” 

“Kozume-san if you play into this little charade, say for a couple months, just long enough for the new product to be released, sales will go up, and then you can just announce that you two called it quits.”

Was it really worth playing with my heart just to earn a quick buck? 

“No. I don’t want Kuroo to be forced to date me, that’s weird and embarrassing.” 

Kata walked forward and took a seat in the chair next to Kuroo before she leaned forward and rest her chin on her hand, “Here’s the thing Kozume-san, you two ‘dating’, doesn't even have to be real,” proud of her award-winning idea, she leaned back in her seat, arms folded across her chest, and a smug look written all over her face.

“So what you’re saying is to do this as a cash grab?” Kuroo seemed genuinely curious.

“Well somewhat. Think of it more like...fan service.”

“Hmmm...I mean if it’s a show they want then it’s a show they’ll get,” he reached over and smacked my back, “What do you say kitten? Be my scene partner?” he smirked.

Ugh. Why does he have to use those stupid nicknames that always make my heart flutter. My face was visibly cringing as i scrunched up my nose and scowled at him. He knows I could never truly refuse when it’s him.

“Fine,” I mumbled under my breath as I looked away.

Kuroo’s footsteps were light as he got up from his seat and went around the desk to sneak up behind me. He bent down and leaned in close towards my ear.

“What was that, puddin?” he whispered, his hot breath whipping through my loose strands of hair.

I jumped out of my seat and rubbed my ear with the sleeve of my jacket and he laughed his ugly, stupid, hyena laugh. 

“See! Look at that! You two aren’t even ‘dating’ and yet you have so much chemistry!” Kata said enthusiastically while clapping.

Of course we have chemistry. We’ve been best friends for eighteen years. Soulmates our whole lives. It was always easy to be around Kuroo. That’s one of the things I love about him. Why wouldn’t we have chemistry?

“Well, when you’ve been best friends with someone for like, your whole life, of course you’re gonna know exactly how to push his buttons,” his voice was breathy as he wiped tears from his eyes.

I didn’t realize it then, but I truly did sell my heart for pocket change.

A full month later was when we went out in public together as a “couple” for the first time. It was a simple brunch at a well known restaurant, but Kata made sure to anonymously tip paparazzi that we would be at that establishment. Together. It wasn’t even 30 minutes into our meal when we were bombarded with cameras.

“Today we are here with Kenma Kozume, the young CEO of Bouncing Ball Corp., and his supposed boyfriend, Tetsuro Kuroo, from the Japan Volleyball Association. Are any of you able to speak on the rumors spreading about the two of you?”

Kuroo had always been good at talking. He's been smooth with his words for as long as I could remember him. He was...a people person. The complete opposite of me, which is why we agreed that Kuroo would do most of the talking, should a camera crew show up.

He laughed, not the ugly hyena kind, it was an attractive laugh. That’s how I knew it wasn’t real.

“Well I mean we won’t confirm or deny anything right now, won’t we kitten?” he winked at me and suddenly all the attention was directed towards my direction.

Idiot. Two can play at that game.

“Im pretty sure whatever the public is thinking is probably true, hm Tetsu?”

I’ve never called him that before, so it was obvious he was shocked. Big eyes and blushy cheeks. We gave the camera exactly what it wanted.

“Is that a confirmation?” the man behind the camera was provoking us for an answer.

“It’s whatever you want it to be,” he smirked before taking his chopsticks back into his hand and grabbing a plate full of beef, “Now if you gentlemen will excuse us, we’d like to continue our lunch date.”

Satisfied with the content they would now be able to work with, the cameras slowly started retreating from the scene until it was just us two again.

“Damn maybe I should’ve gone into show business,” he smirked.

“Shut up, they might still be around,” I whispered while looking down, incase we were still being watched.

“How do you know I was talking about that. I could just simply be saying that I would’ve been amazing on T.V.”

“No you wouldn’t,” I replied, monotonous voice, as I took a bite of some barbecue and rice.

“Kenma, why do you have to break my heart like this? What if I was born to be an actor?”

“Uhm I don’t know about you, but I’ve never seen an actor that has the same hairstyle twenty-four seven, three hundred sixty-five days a year.”

“That’s a technicality. Why should hair define my amazing acting abilities?”

“Then I want to see you shave your head and wear a wig.”

Kuroo froze in the middle of whatever movement he was making and just stared at the grill in the middle of the table with a horrified expression written on his face.

“You know what? Maybe I wasn't meant to be an actor...”

Outings usually continued on like this. We would have little interviews with paparazzi, slowly dropping more and more hints about our “relationship,” and once they left, we’d have breakfast, lunch, or dinner, like we usually do. I suppose to any outsider it would seem as though we were on a date, but I wouldn’t allow myself to call this pitiful get together as such.

I could pretend this was real. I could tell myself that Kuroo reciprocated my feelings. I could tell myself that we were truly in a relationship. I could tell myself I have a chance, but a mere sliver of probability isn’t worth risking our friendship. 

Since I was seventeen I accepted the fact that I’d be happy as long as he was in my life. I mean, he’d still smile the same. He’d still laugh the same. He’d still love me... 

I’m supposed to be content with what I have. It’s either we stay as best friends, or we go on as strangers, and I’d rather avoid the latter. So why do I feel such a tightness in my chest whenever we’re forced to go out together? Why do I feel so selfish for wanting more?

Two months went by until we had to make an actual appearance together at a party. Me under Kuroo’s arm like some sort of bittersweet candy. 

He was always good at reading people—especially me. Which is why he pulled me aside before we walked into the huge rental house. The only reason I agreed to show up was because it was Shoyo’s team celebrating their win against some team who’s name I can’t remember.

“You okay Ken?” he rested both hands on my shoulders with my back against the wall.

“Yeah, I just need a second.”

I never did like big crowds.

After taking a few minutes to breathe before submitting myself to the abyss of rowdy adrenaline-high athletes, Kuroo took my hand in his as we walked through the front doors together. It was warm. Like my fingers were molded to fit perfectly into his palm. Must’ve been why I felt so cold when he let my hand go.

As soon as the camera flashed and Bokuto called him from the other side of the room, he whispered an “I’ll be back kitten,” before joining the beefy player by the bar. 

I guess I’ll go find Shoyo.

It wasn’t long until I saw a bush of bright orange bobbing up and down through a sea of people.

“Shoyo!”

“Kenma!”

“Congratulations on your win.”

“Thank you! I wouldn’t want to disappoint my sponsor,” he winked, “Do you want to step outside? It’s a little loud in here.”

Whether he means to or not, Shoyo’s always been good at making sure people feel comfortable.

“Uhm, Shoyo?” I grabbed the hem of his shirt and tugged a little to get his attention.

“What’s up?” he practically had to yell over the loud music and the incessant yelling of the surrounding people.

“Can we get a beer first?”

A smile spread across his face, “Of course, just wait for me by the fire outside.”

I followed his instructions and sat in one of the red lawn chairs that snaked around the circular bonfire.

“How’ve you been?” the ginger said while handing me an opened beer and sitting in the chair next to me.

“I’ve been alright. Things are running smoothly for the product release—”

“I didn't ask about how work was, Kenma,” he interrupted, “How are you?”

“Oh. Uhm...I’m keeping it together.”

He leaned back in the plastic chair and took a sip from his drink, “So you and Kuroo-san, huh?”

I looked around to make sure no one was near us. I could never lie to Shoyo.

“Barely,” I mumbled as I, myself, took a big gulp.

“Huh? What do you mean?”

“It’s an act. All because of a misunderstanding from a few months ago.”

“Well did you have a choice?”

“Not really.”

“That's unfortunate. I thought you would’ve told him how you felt by now.”

“Wait- what do you mean ‘how I felt?’ You knew?”

“I may not be that bright, but I have eyes, Kenma. I can see the way your eyes gloss over when he calls you one of those cute pet names, or the way your cheeks redden when he does that weird laugh at your jokes.”

“Hmm... You’re more observant than I thought, Sho.”

“So why haven’t you told him?”

Just thinking about confessing scared the shit out of me. All I can imagine is the disgusted look on his face when I tell him. The scenario plays over and over again in my head—the one where he walks away and fades into the background. I don’t know when I started crying, but I had only realized it when I heard the glass of Shoyo’s bottle tap the ground.

“What’s wrong?”

I wiped the hot tears from my cheeks with my wrist.

“I guess I just love him too much to lose him.”

Two weeks after that party, we had another meeting at the office.

“This has been going great so far!” Kata exclaimed, obviously proud of her idea, “Have you ever thought of being an actor?” she teased Kuroo.

“See! That’s what I’ve been telling Kenma, but apparently my untamable hair is standing in the way between me and fame.”

“You’re already all over the news, idiot.”

“And all thanks to my little kitten,” he walked over to my seat behind my desk and peppered my cheek in kisses.

“We’re not in public, you can stop acting all lovey dovey,” I spat. I didn’t even think about my words until Kata’s effervescent expression changed into a state of confused shock. She wasn’t sure how she should react to my outburst.

“W-what? It’s all fun and games, Ken,” Kuroo was taken aback by my response as well, but he hid it much better than my publicist.

“It always is with you,” I got up and walked out of office. I couldn't take it anymore. All this pretending and toying with my heart. I felt bad for blaming it all on Kuroo, when he couldn’t have possibly known about my feelings, but it was easier to blame him for my pain than to admit to myself that I’m a coward. 

I rounded the corner and continued on my way to the vending machine to get an energy drink. Those always seemed to put me in a better mood.

Kuroo knew me well. Who wouldn’t after eighteen years? That’s probably why he knew exactly where to find me.

“What the hell was that, Kenma?”

I pulled up the tab of the can and let the hiss of carbonation fizzle out before I took a sip and leaned against the wall.

“What was what?” 

“You’re little scene in there? What’s going on?”

“Nothing is going on.”

“You’re lying to me.”

 I looked off to the side, my eyes scanning every row in the vending machine, “I just think it’s time to call quits on this charade we have going on,” I responded dryly.

“Huh? Why? It’s only a couple more weeks until the release. Why end it now?”

“I’m tired, Kuroo. I don’t want to have to pretend all the time anymore.”

I was never an emotional person, so I knew that in this moment Kuroo knew something catastrophic was going on inside my head, for me to put myself before the potential success of the company.

“It’s just for a little while longer and then we can go back to normal, okay? Can you just hold out until then?”

“No. You’re not listening to me. Why the hell do you want to keep doing this. This doesn’t benefit you in the slightest.”

“Because I love you,” my heart rate went up at these words although I knew he didn’t mean them in the way I wish he did, “You’re my best friend and I want to see you thrive.”

“Why are you always putting yourself on the line for me?”

“Putting myself on the line? What are you—”

“I’m so selfish! And then you over here,” I rolled my eyes at him before kicking my weight off the wall, “You constantly give but you never take!”

“I don’t see the issue with that.”

“You’re too good for me,” I looked to the ground because I knew that if I looked up into his gorgeous hazel eyes, I would definitely cry. 

“That’s not true—”

“Yes it is and you know it,” my voice was on the verge of cracking from how tired I was from arguing.

“You know what? You look like you need some space. Think about things okay? I’m only a phone call away. I’ll see you at the launch party,” he walked away.

The day of the launch party was a bore. Just a bunch of business men in suits and the growing anxiety in the pit of my stomach, for Kuroo had yet to show up like he promised. 

It was half-past twelve when I stepped outside the venue to get some fresh air. The second I opened the doors was when I saw him pacing back and forth, deep in thought.

“Kuroo?”

“Kenma! I’m so sorry about what happened a few weeks ago—”

I did nothing but hugged him like I was going to lose him.

“Why are you apologizing? I was the one that had a tantrum.”

“Well you’re not the only one that got mad.”

“Let’s go for a walk?”

He nodded and draped his heavy arm over my shoulder before he took another step.

“Well so far sales have been good. Almost linear.”

“I’m glad I was able to help. So this is the end, huh?”

We both stopped in the middle of the side walk. I didn’t want it to end. The handholding, the hugs, the camera kisses. I wanted all of it. I so badly wanted all of it to be real. Maybe it’s because I spent half the night drinking, or maybe it’s because his midnight hair ricocheted the moonlight ever so perfectly, that I felt a courage rush through me like never before.

“Why does it have to end?”

“Didn’t you say like three weeks ago that you wanted to end our little ‘relationship?’”

“I don’t mean it like that. I mean,” I unwrapped myself from his limb and stepped in front of him, “I’m in love with you, Tetsu. I have been for eighteen years.”

A piece of my heart cracked when he took a step back, face pale, and eyes widened.

“What?”

I wanted to take a step forward, but for some reason, my feet were glued to the ground.

“I love you.”

He smiled assuringly before he laughed to lighten the air. The same type of laugh he’s used to fool reporters. 

“You’re my best friend, Kenma.”

“I know. I’ll never be more than that, right?”

“You know I love you,” I wouldn’t dare get my hopes up again at those words, “You’re like a little brother to me.”

Damn. Is this what it feels like for my heart to be so irreparably shattered? Physical pain spread from my chest throughout my body. To the tips of fingers and toes.

“I—” he started, before giving you that diabetes inducing smile, “I should go.”

I watched him walk away. It was a vision from my worst nightmare. When did it all change? Is this what my selfishness was bound to lead to?

What was supposed to be a simple marketing tactic, turned out to be a fate worse than death. I was heartbroken to think he was my soulmate, but I wasn’t his.

© all content [unless stated otherwise] belongs to gellysticks 2020. do not modify or repost.

reblogs are greatly appreciated :)

[dahniwitchoflight]

Homesquared Chapter 16

Alrighty, that was a fun tangent, now back to John it seems?

Oh, no, Narration of John (So Actually Dirk, speak of the devil and he shall appear and all that etc etc)

“ leaving John with one final touch on the shoulder. John leans into it in response, though he’s a bit ashamed of chasing down a sliver of physical affection so soon after obliterating Karkat’s evening like he had. “

pfft lol so Im not the only one that thought it would be funny if that scene was interpreted in a Pale Romantic light, even though that really wasn’t what was happening

OIh! but we still get Roxy, just the other version of Roxy

Roxy subtly being like “hey!! shit has apparently gone down, were not exactly close atm but I feel bad about you dying to want to know if youre still alive so im gonna message you while trying to make it look like i dont care about it as much as I do”

JOHN: trying to align my memories of my youth with whatever is happening right now so

and the wonderful question is, what IS going be happening with you now John?

Roxy looking nice and casual, but also yeah narration, why are you making this ominous, its not like Roxy’s out here to double spy on behalf of Jane, I don’t think Roxys on her side THAT much

ROXY: may have to do a smidge more if my old bff decides im next on the list for bombing out

ROXY: but so far so good

ROXY: just a coupla exploded cars in the yard from some shenanigans our dear son and his friends were in but u kno it is what it is!!!

Roxy once again being a master of hiding how shes feeling, even when trying to open up, feeling pretty stressed about whats happening with Jane, understandable, the exclamation points give it away lol

The narration is really trying to make John nervous though

OH lol that was the implication haha no lol John it obviously wasn’t that

“John feels his shoulders unbunch. Of course. Yeah. He’s almost embarrassed by how relieved he feels. So what if his ex wife wanted to hook up? Shouldn’t that be a situation he could navigate? Don’t people like to find solace in human physical connection during dire times? Why did the idea of it make his mind white out in panic more than, say, any number of the traumas he just experienced? He doesn’t know, but he believes Roxy that he must look pretty haggard. He probably feels haggard? Maybe sitting down will feel better.“

lol once again, Dirk has no idea how to read Roxy at all and just trips over himself and his assumptions XD

Yeah, looks like Roxy not on the Jane train and is doing some takesies backsies, shes glossing over her feelings on the matter still though, I know thats par for the course of how Roxy tends to handle stuff too but I wish shed open up a bit more, but maybe shes playing the smart game, yknow, knowing that Dirk has a hard time reading her, so glossing over stuff is how you protect yourself against the narrative force, confusion and vaguery in the narrative and her actions only helps her to keep control over it, because at any point, you can decide to “clear up” any narrative “miscommunication” or “confusion” and lay down what is it thats actually happening with you any time you want

Void working in the behind the scenes to do what they want

JOHN: like it’s my HOUSE.

JOHN: but mostly it always felt like my dad’s house?

JOHN: and when i started living there after i moved out of here, it was like i crammed myself back into whatever was left of my kid self?

JOHN: and it didn’t feel good, but it at least was familiar, you know?

JOHN: like living there let me feel closer to my dad, trying to be like the way i remember him, or like how i remember him wanting me to be, or something?

JOHN: and i didn’t realize how much i hated doing that until i saw it all go up in flames.

JOHN: so i guess i could have used my powers to stop the fire and save whatever was left of the place, but i couldn’t bring myself to do it.

JOHN: like some fucked up part of me was glad i got there too late?

JOHN: so i just sat there, watching, trying to figure out why watching my house burn down felt like i was being released from prison.

JOHN: and even now i keep trying to explain it away, as though it’s because of how fucked up everything else is that it made me feel good.

JOHN: but that’s just bullshit.

JOHN: it DID feel good.

JOHN: i DO feel free.

JOHN: sorry.

ROXY: no need 2 apologize

ROXY: we just delved in2 my whole gender thing last time so it seems fine for u to have a turn

JOHN: i didn’t say it was a gender thing.

Im pretty sure you’re talking about a gender thing John, like, very 100% sure now this is what’s happening

because if you were actually a girl, of course you’re dad leaving all these notes about how one day hes gonna be so proud of the man youll become, yeah, that can feel a little pressuring, even if your dad didnt mean it like that, since he was unfailingly the kind of dad just bumbling around trying to understand their kid as best they could and leave encouragements everywhere, thats what his intent was, but all his notes come off a bit wrong in particular issues

remember the note under the fridge that was all like “SON. IF YOURE READING THIS NOTE, YOUVE FINALLY BECOME STRONG ENOUGH OF A MAN TO PICK UP THE FRIDGE.” not exactly that but that was always the vibe Dad’s little notes always had

Yeah, i can see how John would view it as a bit off, but if he hadnt the self awareness to realize it was a gender thing at the time, hed be understandly confused as to why such a thing would bother him

now though, he’s realizing, maybe, he doesn’t exactly want to be the man his dad always encouraged him to be

John does seem a lot happier here in his convo with Roxy than he did on his own when the house was burning, that conversation with karkat left me wondering if John was about to start dissociating he was so down, but here he says he feels freeing and happy about it?

ROXY: but like now that u mention it

ROXY: *meaningful pause*

JOHN: …

JOHN: i

JOHN:

John’s beginning to question stuff, or acknowledge that he’s questioning stuff, cuz it’s true, and hes feeling happy about it, in a way that he wasnt before, but he hasnt quite connected the dots here between the happy feeling and what exactly he has to be happy about

ROXY: aight then no wind bending just use your mangrit

Roxy flexes, the corner of her mouth pulled up into a familiar grin. John feels his guts, so recently calmed, twist up into knots again. Her eyebrows shoot up and the smile loosens. He must have shown something on his face.

ROXY: ok or just like push when i push

ROXY: we both got sick muscles

ROXY: no other adjectives necessary

JOHN: yeah ok.

Yeah Roxy’s 100% picked up on it, and maybe Dirk has as well if the narration is commenting on it

Alrighty then, to the secret lair under the bed!

oh I just noticed how kind of cute and interesting Roxy’s nickname for Harry is, “Lil H A” Harry Anderson shortens to Ha like laughter haha

and if Harry had Roxy’s last name, it’d be Harry Anderson Lalonde

Lil HAL

lol what is Callie doing under Roxy’s secret bedchamber XD

This whole secret bedchamber thing is turning into one big metaphor isn’t it?

That thing behind the curtain kind of looks like the Attic Portal shape from Hiveswap though

that’d be neat if that was it, like obviously we knew one of the cherubs had to have something to do with that portal just going by the design of it alone

Honestly it makes sense that Callie is doing it under the curtain of Roxy’s Void, it’s honestly the safest place to do something like that

lol Calliope has grown past writing fanfic about shipping and being in love, now the drama of broken relationships and divorce is all the rage XD character growth? haha

CALLIOPE: besides, hUman divorces are even more fascinating than i had ever imagined, and being able to witness yoUrs in motion was an honoUr.

CALLIOPE: so i consider Us aboUt even at this point.

Calliope just burned him harder than his childhood home’s destruction

CALLIOPE: ah right, right. yoU're probably a little cUrioUs as to where the dickens we are.

have you been talking to Jake lol (I mean, probably Original Grandpa Jake tbh if that portal is actually the portal)

Alright so John is getting caught up on the major plot points, Earth C is indeed in the large black hole, his choice didn’t matter since both choices happened anyway yadda yadda

CALLIOPE: think of it like a coin flip.

CALLIOPE: the series of events that led to Us being trapped beyond the event horizon of an Ubermassive black hole could be considered "tails", while the events which would have occUrred otherwise could be considered "heads".

CALLIOPE: since both were possible, and paradox space is the way it is, they actUally both happened. and we jUst "happened" (hee hee) to get tails instead of heads.

yup yup yup pretty par for the course of timesplits in homestuck so far

CALLIOPE: not at all! since both possibilities depend on one another's existence, it really doesn't make sense to call them "right" or "wrong". they both just "are".

yup, this is true, the ending’s of both referenced the others, so it’s disingenuous to say one is “canon” while the other isn’t

one is simply in the realm of actual possibility, the other is in the realm of unlikely possibility

More than likely, John would have chosen to leave and go die and be the hero like in Meat, but there was still the possibility that he would stay, even if it was unlikelier than the other, but since both were possible choices for him to realistically make, both actually happened for real

CALLIOPE: anyway, the reason i went on this tangent in the first place was to explain that the space we are standing in right now has a special significance, in that it is the location which corresponds to the black hole's singUlarity

that’s interesting, so there’s the original meteor that crashed into the surface of Earth C, and it’s in here that the singularity of what I don’t wanna call the Green Hole to match the Green Sun when I wanna talk about this specific Black Hole lolol

but yeah, here in this meteor lies the crux of the paradox it seems, interesting, also interesting again, this is where that Hiveswap Portal is

Hiveswap does have a plot point of “Joey must do thing in 11 days otherwise Earth and Alternia will be destroyed” and the only known destruction event of Earth and Alternia so far in canon is the Green Sun’s Creation from the destruction of both universes (and then later Callie’s destruction of the green sun into the black hole) so is Hiveswap gonna be a factor in the green sun’s destruction/creation as well? (Joey has the symbol of the Green Sun for a reason, I’m super curious as to what factor Joey has in relation to the Green Sun’s Existence, We still don’t know what the fact those black monsters are too, they’re like nega-first guardians, the kind of things that look like would come out of a Black Hole that came from the Green Sun tbh)

It’s all inter-related I tells ya

ROXY: ur not gonna enter a weird time vortex and change the trajectory of a little girls life with the power of love

JOHN: aw.

You say that now but

CALLIOPE: it's not strictly speaking "bad" for Us to be inside of a black hole, mUch thoUgh that contradicts most of what anyone knows about them.

CALLIOPE: of coUrse, if we had fallen into it, that woUld be a whole other kettle of fish.

CALLIOPE: the tidal forces woUld have stretched Us all into spaghetti and then ripped us apart!

CALLIOPE: bUt the natUre of oUr arrival was more akin to simply "being" here, sUddenly. one moment we were not, and the next moment we were, and somehow always had been.

yeah that’s basically how this multiverse’s reality works, the future is a thing that already physically exists, just in a different location in the universe somewhere else

time travel and spacial teleportation could be said to be the same thing all along

that’s why violating the events of the future has actual consequences, because its like asking to go somewhere that doesn’t exist but how has to exist because it’s the future, too much of that and reality starts cracking at the seams to make room

same thing happens with sessions and playing sburb

the planets and dreaming moons and all that simultaneously have always existed here, and started existing only because the player played the game and the planets were generated upon entering a session, but to the player involved, it looks and feels like you are just being teleported to a different location in the universe, because you also kind of are

CALLIOPE: i mean, the natUre of space and time is a little finicky in here, bUt for the most part it doesn't seem to be anything too oUt of the ordinary.

CALLIOPE: bUt beyond that, it means that we are sealed away from the rest of existence.

CALLIOPE: oUr sphere of inflUence is limited to the sphere of the black hole's bounding horizon.

CALLIOPE: as far as everyone else is concerned, we might as well not even exist!

So you’re just in a little seperated bubble, that’s not connect temporally to any other place of existence, you aren’t anywhere in the past or the future of anywhere else

nowhere leads here, and here can not lead outwards either, theoretically, and yes it exists, so it must also

JOHN: is there no way we could let anyone know that we're in here...?

CALLIOPE: almost certainly not!

CALLIOPE: there are very few ways for anything to escape the kind of predicament that we are in right now. one of them is to be an all-powerfUl being with control over the very fabric of space, with the energy of two Universes at yoUr disposal.

CALLIOPE: in which case, escape woUld become rather trivial, if a little Unscientific.

JOHN: ok. i am going to assume that we can't just do that.

CALLIOPE: yoU've hit the nail on the head, UnfortUnately. U_U

CALLIOPE: the method i described was the one employed by my alternate self, who yoU may recall crashed through the event horizon in the body that once belonged to jade harley.

CALLIOPE: she departed through a pUnctUre she created in the black hole's surface shortly after consUming my brother, a deed which provided her with the necessary "oomph", and which was frankly rather breathtaking to watch. =u=

CALLIOPE: bUt Upon her departUre, the rift closed for good. as far as i can see, there's simply no way for Us to commUnicate with the world oUtside the black hole.

CALLIOPE: i woUld certainly be very sUrprised to find oUt that anyone had managed sUch a thing!

So someone else definitely has managed to do such a thing

JOHN: knowing that we're inside of a black hole... does that actually change anything?

JOHN: like, can't we just go on living like normal?

CALLIOPE: oh absolUtely not.

CALLIOPE: i don't know if yoU've noticed john bUt this world is on the brink of a total cataclysm.

JOHN: oh.

CALLIOPE: oUr exclUsion from the overarching coUrse of events which governs all reality means that oUr existence here is liable to dramatic and violent Upheaval.

CALLIOPE: to pUt it another way, becaUse nothing in here "matters", we are likely to be sUbjected to things which are a bit bats in the belfry, for no reason other than it's totally insignificant to the wider canon of reality.

CALLIOPE: and mUch thoUgh i am personally titillated by some of the conseqUences of this predicament, it is a degrading way for Us to live. u_u

JOHN: that's... certainly one way to put it, yeah...

yeah, so because here in the black hole neither affects the past or the future of anywhere else, being so disconnected, they are technically free of the reigns of the Alpha Timeline that exists elsewhere in the multiverse

the Alpha Timeline now being understood to simply mean, The Narrative

Things are the way they are because they are thus written to be so

CALLIOPE: at first, i believed that this was simply necessary. Us playing tails to oUr coUnterparts' heads, the black to their white, and so forth.

CALLIOPE: bUt over the years i have come to the conclUsion that this is simply not kosher.

ROXY: its total bs is what it is

CALLIOPE: right, yes.

CALLIOPE: a steaming pile of bUllshite.

CALLIOPE: and so we have decided that something needs to be done aboUt it.

Hmmm. It’s a dangerous idea to be playing with for sure, to decide all the black pieces in the game of chess suddenly become white, it is a very flip turning of reality upside down to be sure

To be honest, I’d think you’d need a powerful Doom player at your disposal to even try something like this

or actually, a powerful Doom user would be most likely to shut this entire thing down, knowing how bad of an idea it’d be, maybe it’s more you need a powerful Life player to do something like this instead

is that also why Dirk viewed Jane as an ally then? She would technically have the kind of power to upend the black and white doomy laws of reality if driven to her full potential, i mean obviously yes, we know this already because of the candy colored I-can-do-whatever-I-want-with-no-consequences lollipop

Is this what Calliope hopes to achieve with the Hiveswap Portal then? her goals for Joey and friends are to be the ones to prevent their universe’s twin destructions, and thus the Green Sun’s initial existence and then also the destruction into the Black Hole after the fact? that would be one way to prevent the Black Hole from existing, making it so the thing that creates the black hole never exists either

and that's certainly a canon event that would be difficult to tear asunder without major consequences

That would be a “Re-writing Homestuck from the very beginning” level of canon event

And if I’m correct, Joey is theorized by me to be a Mage of Life, if any classpect at their full potential was gonna do something like that, or have the impossible knowledge to something impossibly paradoxical like that, well..

ROXY: but u dont need to worry abt busting us outta space jail tbh

ROXY: thats not ur problem to fix

JOHN: oh.

JOHN: i'm... not sure i follow, then.

ROXY: i mean yeah ur gonna obvs facilitate it in a sense

ROXY: but only by going and busting the person who can actually help us outta normal earth jail

CALLIOPE: we need yoU to free vriska from the clUtches of oUr misgUided friend jane, and bring her here, to the singUlarity.

ROXY: weve been calling it the plot point

CALLIOPE: yes, the plot point is a key part of oUr plan.

CALLIOPE: as far as we have been able to sUrmise, the only remaining method for escaping oUr grim confinement depends on leveraging the UniqUe properties of this location to create an event of sUch catalcysmic proportions that it simply cannot be contained within the black hole any more.

CALLIOPE: something SO dramatic, so hyper-relevant, that it becomes ontologically impossible for anyone to ignore it.

CALLIOPE: for that, we need an individUal of sUfficient narrative cloUt, so to speak.

CALLIOPE: and to liberate her, who better than the embodiment of the aspect of freedom itself?

I mean yeah! makes sense! Johns major factor here is Freedom, Vriska’s is Importance

and yeah, I can think of no other wholly dramatic event that to mess with stuff with the Green Sun, everyone will have eyes on that, they have to, their whole existence the way it is relies on it

But, they could also mean something else, its only condition is that it has to be something so imflappably impossible, something so not-canon and so outrageous that it basically horse-shoes around to the other end of the canon spectrum to being something that truly exists again

and that could be literally anything and it’s nerve wracking and exciting to see what thing theyre gonna come up with to just directly kneecap Homestuck itself

ROXY: thx babe

ROXY: oh is it 2 soon for that joke or

JOHN: no, weirdly enough, that one’s fine.

(yeah that’s because Babe can be construed as feminine June)

so, I’m basically convinced they’re doing June Egbert now

that to me was like, pretty severely on the nose

John: Hey Roxy, what it does mean when you find a sense of freedom when all of the symbolism of the masculinity surrounding your childhood burns down around you

Roxy: idk It’s probably a gender thing man

John: I didn’t say the word gender-

Roxy: It’s ok babe no pressure, we can hash it out later

John: Hmm, later then. :)

Roxy: (Turns and looks towards the camera with a knowing smile)

shit all that imagery makes me think of Roxy as that picture of the small kid smirking at the camera while a house burns in the distance XD

[watchmegetobsessed]

Benefits

aaaand adding one more alias of adam driver to my list, here is my first ever adam sackler fic! im pretty proud of it, so i hope yall are gonna enjoy!

pairing: Adam Sackler x Reader

warnings: sex, swearing, talking about alcoholism

word count: ~7k

masterlist

Walking into the room you’re still unsure if you actually want to be here, but a small voice in the back of your mind is telling you that this is exactly where you need to be. The place looks similar to the one you used to have your meetings back in Seattle, it’s simple, people are sitting in a circle and there is a small table with cookies and drinks at the side. There aren’t too many people and luckily they don’t really get stuck on the arrival of an unknown person so you can take an empty seat without getting any attention to yourself.

“Alright, everyone sit down, let’s start!” a tall, skinny guy speaks up, clipboard sitting on his lap as he patiently waits for everyone to sit in the circle and start the meeting.

You look around anxiously, the group is pretty diverse, men and women gathered from seemingly a lot of races and ages, though your eyes stop at one particular person sitting right across from you.

The guy seems tall, extremely tall to be honest, his almost black hair is grown out to reach almost his broad shoulders and it’s pushed back, eyes curiously examining the guy who just spoke as he licks his plump lips. He is not the typical handsome type, but there is just something in him that keeps pulling your gaze towards him even when people start talking around you.

A young guy starts talking two people to your right as you are still staring at the tall mystery guy when his eyes dart over to you and your gazes meet. You can’t help but feel intimidated even though nothing can be read from his face. You keep eye-contact for a few moments before turning away and forcing yourself to look at the guy talking. However you feel his eyes on you for a while before he finally decides to look away.

“That’s amazing, Tony, we are all proud of you!” Carl, the guy who spoke at the beginning of the meeting says as a short round of applause follows Tony’s speech. “Adam, do you feel like talking today?” he then turns to your guy and now you know his name. Adam.

“Sure,” he shrugs pushing himself up a little on the chair. “Hello, I’m Adam and I’m an alcoholic, but I haven’t had a drink for about a decade now. Some days are easier, some are harder, like the ones when my ex shows up and fucks things up for me,” he scoffs. “But things are going okay, I guess.”

“That’s great to hear, Adam. We all believe in you and hope you’ll continue your positive journey,” Carl nods as some other members hum in agreement. “Does anyone else want to speak up?” he asks looking around, but no one answers, so he takes it as a clue that the round of speeches are over. “In this case—“

“I thought new members supposed to introduce themselves,” Adam cuts him off and he is looking straight at you, causing your throat to close up from the sudden attention he just put on you.

“It is always welcomed, but no one is pressured to talk,” Carl assures smiling warmly at you. “Do you want to introduce yourself?”

Looking back at Adam one more time you decide to accept his silent challenge.

“Sure, why not?” you clear your throat, tugging your hair behind your ears. “Hi, my name is Y/N and I’m an alcoholic, but I’ve been clean for three years and seven months.”

The members in the circle mumble their greeting before you continue talking, arms crossed on your chest.

“I moved to the city just a few months ago and I’ve been struggling to adjust to the new environment so I thought it would be a good idea to visit a meeting, just to ensure myself.”

“You are always welcomed here whenever you feel like you are getting weaker,” Carl encourages you and you nod shortly.

“Thanks. I’m doing fine though, I haven’t really felt tempted to have a drink lately, so I guess I’m good.”

“That’s great to hear, we are all proud of you,” Carl smiles before moving on with the meeting.

When it all ends he invites everyone to stay and have a bite, chat with other members and you decide to head for a cookie from the table.

“So what brought you to New York City?” you hear Adam speak up from behind you and as you turn around there he is, standing tall in front of you. He looks pretty intimidating, but his eyes have this sense of softness in them that balances it out.

“Um, work. I got a great opportunity here so I thought I would take the chance.”

“Sounds serious. Do you always dress like this?”

His question catches you off-guard and you glance down at yourself to see what made him ask it. You’re wearing tight jeans with a white top and a leather jacket, nothing extra in your taste.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that your clothes are pretty tight. They give a nice view of your body though.”

You don’t even know what to say at first, it’s like he doesn’t have a filter on his mouth and it’s so confusing to you, that all you can do is let out an anxious chuckle.

“Um, okay…” you mumble slowly turning back to the table, but he speaks up again.

“So, are you coming next week?”

“Not sure,” you say without looking at him. To be honest is too forward act is making you question if this is the group you should attend on a regular basis or not.

“Would be a shame if I didn’t see you next time,” he simply says before walking away, leaving you totally puzzled.

Adam is for sure the weirdest person you’ve met since moving here and you don’t think anyone can top him.

 ***

 Friday night in the city is pretty busy. People just want to get the steam out after a hard, working week so they seek for fun times at bars and clubs. Adam Sackler is not the type to go to bars that much since it’s always a kind of temptation for him, but when his colleagues from his recent play asked him to come down for a few drinks with them he thought it might be a good time even if he doesn’t drink.

The place is crowded and the six of them are pressed up in a small booth, that was all they could get upon arrival, but they don’t mind it. They talk about the past couple of shows and critics, just having a good time when Adam excuses himself to go to the restroom. As he pushes his way through the people around the bar his eyes almost glide over a familiar face, but then he recognizes you. Without a second thought he makes his way over where you are sitting on a stool, hands gripping the edge of the counter as you stare ahead of you.

“What a pleasant surprise!” he beams arriving to you, making you jump in your seat.

“Adam, hello,” you mumble coming out of your zoned out state you were just in.

“You weren’t at the meeting this week.”

“Yeah, I… Something came up,” you anxiously say. It didn’t happen because of him, you had other things to worry about when this week’s meeting was happening so you decided to skip.

“You alright?” he asks, eyebrows furrowed as he eyes you with concern.

“Mm, everything is… great,” you nod with a fake smile and you try to push the glass of whisky away without him noticing, but you don’t succeed.

“Y/N, were you thinking about drinking?”

“No, I just—“

“You ordered that drink?” he snaps cutting you off and you don’t answer, just stare ahead of you. “Did you order that drink?” he repeats his question with a raised tone that’s still not too loud for the people around since the music is louder, but chills run down your spine from it.

“I did,” you admit feeling the tears building up in your eyes and you hate yourself for being so weak. Who starts crying in the middle of a bar with a guy who they barely even know? You, apparently.

Clicking his tongue he scoots closer to you, leaning on the counter with one arm as he tries to turn the conversation as private as it can be in a crowded bar.

“You want to talk?”

Adam doesn’t seems like the guy who is into emotional talking, but when it comes to drinking he always feels the importance of the situation. Knowing his own struggle with alcohol he is aware that sometimes you just need to get it off your chest, you don’t even want that drink, but it’s hard to talk to someone who hasn’t been where you have. People who are not alcoholic don’t understand what you go through and it’s nice to finally talk to someone who knows exactly what you feel because they’ve been through it.

“I…” you sigh sadly as you wipe your tears away, trying not to look too pathetic. “It’s a long story.”

Adam bites the inside of his cheeks as he glances back at his colleagues and then at you. He has to choose between a bunch of people who are having a nice time and someone who seems really in need for his help. He might be a weird guy, but his priorities are set right.

“I live a few blocks from here. You’re welcomed to come over and pour it all out.”

“You can’t seriously choose some unknown girl from your AA meeting over your friends,” you roll your eyes feeling like he is just feeling pity for you.

“They are not my friends, most of them are annoying as fuck sometimes,” he bluntly says and he means it. “My offer still stands.”

Looking up at him you contemplate what you should do. Deep down you know it’s not too responsible to go to some random dude’s place alone to cry to him about your miserable life, but it somehow still sounds better than staying here and maybe lose control and drink that damn whisky you’ve been eyeing for about an hour now.

“Alright, but if I end up dead in an alley I’ll come back and haunt you for the rest of your life,” you mumble climbing off the stool and Adam just chuckles at your comment.

After letting his colleagues know that he is leaving the two of you hit the streets, heading to his apartment that’s pretty close to the bar. Stepping inside you are not too surprised at what you see. It’s kind of like how you had imagined his living space to be, not that you thought that much about him since the last meeting.

“You want something to drink?” he asks walking over to the fridge and you freeze. “I mean, something non-alcoholic. I don’t have alcohol here.”

“Oh. Um, a glass of water maybe.”

He nods and while he pours your and his drink you sit at the small dining table, curiously eyeing the smaller details in his home.

“Here,” he hands you the water and sits across you with a glass of milk that makes you frown.

“Are you drinking milk? Alone?”

“Yeah, it’s my thing,” he shrugs and chugs half of it down at once. “So, you wanna talk about what made you want to break your sobriety?”

Taking a deep breath you lean back and let a grimace cross your face as you remember the whole shitshow that went down.

“My ex called me today.”

“Despite how you ended up, was it a good or a bad thing?” he asks wanting to put the picture together about how they ended.

“Bad. He didn’t take it too well when I moved and now he is even more upset that I told him I’m not planning on going back anytime soon.”

“But you said you got a good job here.”

“I did.”

“Shouldn’t he be happy that you are successful?”

“No, because he is a toxic asshole who just can’t let me be happy,” you let out a bitter chuckle shaking your head at the thought how much time you wasted on him. “So he called to remind me that I am nothing without him and I’ll die alone because no one will ever want me with all the baggage I come with.”

“Baggage?” he frowns confused.

“My drinking problem, and the anxiety it’s been causing me. Staying sober is harder than I thought it would be.”

Talking to Adam about your struggle with sobriety feels easier than to anyone ever. You are not afraid of being judged because the two of you are kind of on the same path when it comes to drinking.

“He is a total asshole, if you ask me. Like he is a saint with no baggage. The guy himself is the baggage!” he scoffs drinking up the rest of his milk and you smile seeing that part of his facial hair his painted white from it that he licks down like a little kid even though he definitely does not look like one.

“How long did you two date?”

“About two years. It was getting pretty serious when I got the news that I got the job and then we ended it before I left.”

“You are better off without him, don’t worry.”

“Yeah, thanks.”

As much as the first time talking to Adam turned out to be pretty weird, you find yourself enjoying his company. With time, you get used to his forward style, blurting out everything without filtering his words. It’s a little frustrating at first, but later you find it amusing that he is not afraid to speak his mind, unlike others who just say what they think you want to hear. It’s a pleasant surprise to realize that you can actually talk with him about a lot of things and it doesn’t take too long for you to get comfortable in his company.

“It was just a whole shit show, to be honest,” he scoffs running his fingers through his hair. “I’m kinda praying I will never see Hannah nor Jessa again.”

“You sort of brought this whole drama to yourself,” you chuckle after hearing his story about her history with her ex and her best friend. One hell of a drama, for sure.

“I know!” he growls. “I’m so stupid sometimes, but I just couldn’t stop myself! Jessa was like this fucking sex witch, I just couldn’t keep myself away from her and she knew it. I just pray she doesn’t show up and try to jump on my dick again.” You start laughing at his words, knowing exactly what it’s like to not let go of someone because of the sex.

“It’s fucked, I know. Like, you just want to hate them in peace but then they come back and boom, the next thing you know is that he is balls deep inside me.”

“Well, no one is usually balls deep inside me, I’m the one doing that, but I agree,” he jokes making you laugh even more.

“Everything would be perfectly solved if we just found a way to get that tension out of our system and then we could easily cut these toxic people,” you sigh leaning your head against the wall as you hug your knees to your chest.

“I know a way.”

“And what would that be?”

“We should fuck.” Your eyebrows arch, eyes widen as you look over at him, no sign of joking on his face.

“I’m sorry, what?”

“You heard me right, we should fuck. I mean, we both need the same thing and I can tell you find me attractive.”

“Why are you so sure about that?”

“I can tell when a woman wants me naked, but don’t feel ashamed, I think you’re hot too.”

“Wow, that’s nice to know,” you chuckle, still in disbelief of where this conversation just headed suddenly.

“When I saw you at the meeting the first time I imagined you sitting there naked. Not the best thing to think about when there are a bunch of other people in the room,” he admits and you can’t help but smile at what he just said. “I think we both would just benefit from it. Having good ass sex and finally cutting our toxic exes off, I see it as a win-win.”

He is not wrong. Actually, the more you think about the smarter it sounds in your head. You literally have nothing to lose, just have at least one great night and you don’t have to go home and satisfy yourself with the showerhead for once. Instead, this tall, muscular man could give you a good time for a change.

You stare at him for a few more moments before you show every doubt into the back of your mind and decide to give this slice of happiness to yourself.

“Alright, fuck it, let’s do it,” you sigh jumping to your feet and a second later you are sitting on his lap, lips crashing to his as his hands grab you ass with passion.

“You’re not gonna regret it,” he smirks standing up and keeping you in his arms, your legs wrapping around his waist as he heads into his bedroom. “Just so you know, I can get a little carried away during sex.”

“What, are you gonna try to kill me or something?” you ask a little out of breath kissing the corner of his mouth before he lays you down to the bed and gets on top of you, one knee between your legs and you bring against his thigh, making him groan in pleasure already.

“No, but I have a pretty dirty mouth,” he scoffs kissing you again. “Don’t get offended by my words.”

“Call me whatever you want as long as I end up screaming your name,” you cockily challenge him, and your words make his cock twitch.

It doesn’t take too long until you both get naked and Adam flips you over, pushing inside you from the back as you hold onto the headboard of his bed.

“Jesus, yes!” you pant from the sensation. He fills you up just right, his strong hands holding onto your hips steadily as he keeps slamming into you in a fast pace, the slapping sound of your bodies colliding filling the room along with your moans and his groans.

“Yes, you feel so fucking good, you fucking bitch,” he growls slapping your ass and you find yourself enjoying his dirty talks and rough ways of fucking you.

He is by far the best sex partner you’ve had and he makes sure you are just as satisfied as he is. He comes with his fingers digging into your ass, pushing almost all of his weight on you as he growls your name and it’s enough for you to throw you off the edge as well.

“Fuck! Adam!” you moan, your arms collapsing, your face buried into the pillow that smells exactly like him.

He pushes into you a few more times before pulling out leaving you with a feeling of emptiness now that he is not filling you up. You lie down on the covers as he goes to grab you a wash cloth. When he returns he kneels up to the bed and rolls you to your back opening up your knees so he can clean you up himself. When he is done he leans down and presses a kiss to your clit.

“This is one hell of a pussy. I can’t wait to eat it,” he says before standing up and you can’t help but laugh. He climbs onto the bed pulling the covers over the two of you as you lie there next to him, still in bliss from the orgasm he just gave you.

“Any regrets?” he asks turning to you.

“None,” you smirk rolling to your side, bringing your fingers up to his chest you start drawing patterns to it.

“Great. Another satisfied customer,” he jokes and you smack his chest before he wraps an arm around your shoulders and pulls you to his side.

“Can I stay the night? I don’t have the energy to go home right now.”

“Sure, but I get clingy while sleeping so you might end up with me wrapped around you.”

“That’s fine,” you chuckle before closing your eyes and letting yourself fall asleep after this hell of an eventful day.

 You and Adam, it quickly becomes regular. It usually just takes a text or a call and either of you would end up in the other’s apartment by the end of the day, gladly fucking the night away. A stressful day, an unpleasant encounter with a friend, fight with parents, these all ended up as reasons to stand on the other person’s doormat that evening and neither of you said no to these occasions, equally needing the diversion from the problems in your life. And it wasn’t always just sex, you often met up just to hang out that ended up in some crazy, breathtaking sex, but it wasn’t unusual to spend the rest of the evening together once both of you were satisfied. You had to admit Adam was a nice person to be around. Not too serious, full of secrets you were dying to find out so that your picture of him would grow with each time you saw him.

One evening when Adam is over at your place, things just aren’t going right even though you try to focus on him. He is sitting on your couch with you on his lap, casually making out, his hands on your breasts under your shirt and even though you feel aroused, you are just not in the right place in your head.

“Okay, this literally feels like I’m making out with an aunt or something,” he sighs breaking off and you sit back to his thigh as his hands slide out of your shirt down to your waist. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” you lie, but you can’t fool him.

“Cut the bullshit, Y/N. I can tell something is fucking your pretty mind up, so why don’t you just tell me?”

“I just had a stressful day at work, is all.”

“What happened?”

“My boss is up in my ass lately, because I’m a little behind with my project. I still have a lot of time to finish so I’m not worried, but he is and it’s stressing me out.”

“What made you fall behind?”

“I just had to face some unforeseen problems, but now it’s all good, I just have to pick up the pace a little bit before we present to the board. But Greg is like a psycho, he thinks I’ll run out of time and he is giving me such a hard time all day. He checks in on me every hour, asking about what progress I’ve made and he gets angry when I don’t say what he wants to hear.”

“He sounds like a total loser to me.”

“He kind of is,” you mumble under your breath, fingers playing with the hem of his shirt.

“Just ignore him, you’ll be done in time, I’m sure.” He gently squeezes your hips and leaning up he kisses your lips softly. “Why don’t we order some food and then doze out in bed?”

“But you came for the sex.”

“Yeah, but that requires at least two people and you are obviously not in the mood right now, so I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?” you frown bringing your hands up to the base of his neck.

“Positive.”

He doesn’t make a big deal out of it and he honestly seems fine with just simply hanging out without the sex part. You order pizza, he eats most of it, but you are fine with it, then you start watching a movie, but both of you fall asleep pretty early into it. When you wake up it’s already over, Adam is passed out next to you, arms wrapped around your waist. Shutting your laptop down you lie back, turning to face him. He looks like a sweet giant, sleeping peacefully, his dark hair is one big patch on your light colored pillow.

As you stare at him he starts stirring in his sleep and a few moments later his eyes open, looking a little confused.

“Hey, you alright?” he whispers blinking at you.

“Yeah, I just… put the laptop away.”

“Oh, okay,” he nods into the pillow as he pulls you closer to him and kisses the top of your head. “Go back to sleep, kid.”

You smile at the way he called you as you nuzzle against his chest and let yourself drift back to sleep.

 Hanging out without having sex happens more and more often after that night. And it’s not always you who initiates it. You often go out to have lunch together whenever Adam is near your workplace in the middle of the day, you two go see movies together, do grocery shopping together and neither of these end up in sex. Though it still happens a lot, not that you mind, because sex with Adam is just perfect. He knows exactly what to do to make you lose your shit and never leaves you unsatisfied.

But as the days go by you realize there’s been a slight change in how things are between you and him. One day you catch yourself wondering about what he must be doing right now and you realize you’ve been doing it a lot. Thinking about Adam whenever you are not with him, looking forward to see him again as soon as possible.

After all, he has become a regular person in your every days and if you think about it it’s hard to stay objective about this odd relationship you two have started.

When your project finally gets finished and presented the first person you call is Adam to tell him how great things went.

“That’s amazing, kid! I knew it would be alright.”

“Wanna celebrate tonight?”

“Sure!” 

“Your place at seven?”

“Perfect. See you tonight.”

You feel excited to spend yet another evening with Adam. You finish getting ready a bit earlier than you were supposed to and decide to just arrive before seven. It doesn’t occur to you that maybe you shouldn’t go there before the time you two agreed on, but you only realize this upon arriving.

The door to his apartment is open and you unsurely push it open walking inside.

“Adam?” you call out, peeling your coat off yourself, but there’s no answer. Instead, a few seconds later a blonde woman appears with at first curious eyes, but they soon turn into something clearly unfriendly.

“Who are you?” she asks tilting her head to the side and this is when you notice the cut on her hand and the broken glass on the floor of the kitchen.

“Who are you?” you ask back. “And where’s Adam?”

“He is clearly not here. I’m Jessa, but who the fuck you are?”

Hearing her name your throat tightens. Standing face to face of the ex you’ve heard so much about is entirely different from what you thought it would be. She is pretty, looks like a really badass person who doesn’t give a fuck about the world and lives by her own rules. So different from you on many ways and suddenly, you feel like you’re nothing.

Adam told you about how crazy things used to get when him and Jessa were having sex and seeing the mess in the kitchen and her hand, you figure she came over, they hooked up and things got out of hands, probably.

“I-I’m…” You’re not sure what to say, but there’s one thing you know and that’s the fact that you want to get the hell out of here right now.

As you turn around the door swings open and Adam walks in with a little white plastic bag in his hand.

“Okay I got bandaids, but—Y/N, you’re here early.” He freezes, his hand still holding the handle as he stares at you.

“Yeah, I uh… Sorry about that, I didn’t mean to interrupt anything, but I’m already on my way out, so…”

You try to push you way past him, but he grabs your arm and keeps you back.

“No, wait, this is not what you think,” he insists, but you don’t want to hear it.

“Adam, it’s fine. You can do whatever you want. I just… I just wanna go home now. Please,” you whisper the last word, basically begging him.

“Just let her go,” you hear Jessa call out from inside and it’s like a stab into your chest. His hand slowly peels off you and before he could say anything you turn around and leave as fast as possible.

This is wrong, this shouldn’t hurt this bad, because nothing really happened. You and Adam are not a couple, you shouldn’t feel like this because you saw him with his ex. He has the right to do whatever he wants, because you and him has no commitments towards each other.

Arriving back home you head for a hot shower and let your tears roll down your cheeks, mixing with the water as you just stand there, and quietly keep sobbing, feeling like the biggest loser in the city.

You let yourself catch feelings for someone who is obviously not interested in you in a serious way and now you are the one, feeling broken again.

Adam tries to call you that night, but you turn your phone off, feeling like you need some time apart from him to get things straight in your head.

 “Are you happy now?” Adam snaps at Jessa after you leave, and he slams the door shut, feeling his anger building up.

“Don’t be so dramatic,” she rolls her eyes as she grabs the plastic bag from his hands and turns her attention at the bandaids he just got for her after she successfully slammed a glass at the counter and cut her hand in the heat of the fight they just had right before.

“Jessa, get the fuck out of here!”

“Are you really throwing me out?”

“I am, yes!”

“I had something else in my mind,” she seductively smiles stepping closer to Adam, sliding his hands up his chest, ready to kiss him, but he pushes her away this time.

“Stop it. I want you out of my place, now!” he barks walking past her and she is truly surprised at the way he is resisting her now.

“What the fuck has happened to you?”

“Nothing, I’m just done with you! I don’t want anything to do with you! So stop showing up at my place, because next time I’m gonna call the cops on you.”

“You can’t be serious, Adam,” she laughs shaking her head in disbelief.

“Actually, I have never been this serious, Jessa.”

“But why are you doing this now?”

“Because I don’t love you, anymore!” he snaps, his voice rumbling through the whole apartment. “I don’t love you, because I’m… Because I’m in love with Y/N, alright?!”

“What? With that girl?” she asks with utter disgust showing on her face as she gestures towards the front door.

“Yes! Because she doesn’t treat me like shit, she is actually interested in me and cares for me and I enjoy spending time with her, unlike you! So get the fuck out of here already, so I can make things right that you just screwed up, again!”

Jessa is a clever girl and now he sees that she is truly unwanted here. So grabbing her bag from the couch she heads for the door, but stopping she leaves him one last comment.

“Fuck you, Sackler,” she says flipping him off before finally leaving.

Adam feels vivid, he feels like he is about to break something and he needs everything in him to keep his cool and not ruin something. He needs some time to calm down before he feels like he is able to talk. Reaching for his phone he calls your number, but it goes almost straight to the voicemail.

“Hey, it’s Y/N. Leave a message and maybe I’ll call you back!” your pre-recorded voice greets him and he ends the call with a grunt before he could hear the beep.

“Fuck!” he snaps, his hand gripping the phone tightly. He tries to call you a few more times before leaving a short message to you.

“Y/N, please call me back. I can explain everything!”

But you don’t call him back, leaving him sleepless through the whole night.

Adam decides to give you some time, so you can come to him whenever you feel comfortable, but when he hears nothing from you for three days he can’t push his worries aside any longer.

Walking down the street to your apartment he keeps thinking about everything he wants to tell you, practicing it so he knows exactly what to say when he is standing in front of you, but his plans quickly get blown away when he spots you walk out of your building with a bearded guy who he recognizes as your ex, Luke, because you’ve shown pictures of the two of you before.

“Y/N?” he calls out, taken aback of seeing you with him and as you turn your head, your mouth hangs open. You weren’t expecting to see him and the timing is just the worst.

“Adam, what are you doing here?” you anxiously ask, glancing at Luke who is curiously eyeing him. Now that they are standing so close to each other you realize how much bigger Adam is than Luke, taller and definitely stronger.

“You didn’t answer my calls, I really wanted to talk to you.”

“Now is not the best time.”

“Hey, I’m Luke,” he chimes in holding out a hand for Adam, but he completely ignores it and his whole existence.

“You didn’t even let me tell you what really happened, just left and then never picked the phone up. The whole Jessa thing wasn’t what it looked like.”

“You don’t have to explain yourself, Adam. You can do whatever you want.”

“I’m sorry, would someone fill me in about what’s going on?” Luke asks and you and Adam answers at the same time, in different manners.

“Just a moment, Luke.”

“Shut the fuck up, Assface!”

“Adam!” you give him a look. You really don’t want to make a scene on the street and you know how Adam’s temper works.

“I’m sorry, but who do you think you are? Coming here and rudely call me names in front of my girlfriend who clearly doesn’t want to talk to you.”

“I’m not your girlfriend,” you snap at him and he gives you that look you know all too well. It’s the one he used to give you when he wanted you to be a nice little obeying girl and do whatever he wanted you to do. But it doesn’t work on you anymore.

“We’ll talk about it later. Get in the car, Y/N,” he tells opening the door of the black car parked right in front of the building.

“Luke, I’m not going anywhere with you and I’m not your girlfriend. Stop trying to have control over me!”

“I’m not having this discussion here right now. Get in the car!” he sneers and grabbing your arm he pulls you to the car, but you push his hand away and stumble back. You’re just about to tell him off when Adam stands between the two of you.

“Hey, stop touching her! She doesn’t want to go with you!”

“Who the fuck are you? Just get lost and leave us alone!” Luke makes the mistake of pushing Adam’s shoulder and in that moment you already know what is about to happen.

“Fuck you, Assface!” Adam growls and before you could even try to stop him, his fist collides with Luke’s face, making him smack against the side of the car with a painful growl. “You have no respect for her and you don’t deserve her!” he shouts, making people start to stop and stare at what’s happening.

“Adam, that’s enough. Come on.” You grab his arm and start pulling him backwards. At first he resists, but then he turns around and the two of you leave the growling Luke there to deal with his pain alone.

“You really shouldn’t have done that,” you shake your head at him once you are up in your apartment, alone.

“Honestly, I thought you’d be angrier at me for the punch,” he admits stopping in the middle of the living room, hands on his hips. You just shake your head smiling.

“He kinda deserved it, so…”

“The asshole deserved more than just a punch! I wish I could rub his face into the asphalt!”

“Okay, stop, I don’t want you to get arrested for assault.”

“It would worth it! The way he talked to you and touched you, had my blood boiling.”

He huffs to himself, needing a minute to calm down and then he remembers the real reason why he came here. His eyes fall back on you and you get lost in how soft they are.

“Y/N, we need to talk.”

“Adam, it’s really not—“ “No, you are going to let me talk!” he demands so you close your mouth and listen. “Nothing happened with Jessa. She came over unannounced and we got into a fight, because I said I don’t want to get back together with her. She got crazy and slammed the glass against the counter and it cut her hand. I didn’t have any bandaids at home so I had to run to the store to get some. Then you arrived and completely misunderstood the whole thing, but I threw her out after. She was losing it completely, but I didn’t want anything to do with her.”

Hearing the truth you feel a wave of relief washing over you as you find out things were different from what you thought. He didn’t hook up with her, in fact, he seemingly completely ended everything between them and it felt like victory to you.

“Okay. I believe you,” you softly say and Adam exhales sharply hearing your reply.

“Alright, now tell me what this shithead was doing here.”

“He just showed up, out of nowhere,” you roll your eyes crossing your arms on your chest. “He tried to lure me into moving back to Seattle, but I was having none of it. He said he had a table reserved for us, that’s where we were heading when you arrived and punched him,” you say smiling to yourself.

“So you didn’t get back together with him?”

“No,” you shake your head.

“Is there… Is there a specific reason why you didn’t want to get back together with him?” he questions and you feel your cheeks burning.

“Why do you want to know?”

“I’ll tell you why. Because the reason why I didn’t want Jessa back is that I fell for you.”

You gasp at his words, staring at him in awe as he slowly starts walking towards you.

“I know it all started as just a way of coping, but… Y/N, I fell in love with you. This sounds cheesy as fuck, but it really happened. It’s not about just sex anymore, well, that’s fucking amazing as well,” he adds making you laugh. “But I want more. I love sleeping with you in my arms, waking up next to you, have breakfast with you and talk about your nonsense dreams. I want to hear about the stuff that worries you and I want to be the person you come to when things get rough. I didn’t think this is how it would turn out to be, but… It happened! And now I guess I’m stuck with this feeling, hoping you won’t turn me down.”

You’ve never seen Adam Sackler this nervous, standing in front of you, waiting for any kind of response from you after his confession. His words spoke from your heart and knowing he feels the same way is just ecstatic.

Closing the distance between the two of you, your hands slide up to the back of his neck bringing him down, but just when his lips are about to touch yours, you stop.

“I love you too, you loser,” you grin before finally kissing him, earning a relieved growl as his arms wrap around you and lifting you up he spins you around while kissing you.

“I hope you know that I’ll be around you 24/7 now, you’ll get sick of me,” he warns you putting you down, but keeping you in his arms.

“Not if you get sick of me first.”

“That’s not happening. I can never get enough of you,” he says burying his face into your chest while his hands grip your ass, making you laugh at him.

“Alright, we’ll see. But now I want you to fuck me like there’s no tomorrow,” you tell him and his head shoots up in excitement.

“That’s something I can definitely do. Anything for my girl!”

Lifting you up into his arms your lips reconnect as he carries you into your bedroom, the two of you falling into the sheets like dominos and soon you become just one big naked mass, limbs tangled, lips glued together, occasional ‘I love you’s breaking the moaning and panting.

[thornsofdeath]

phf rants

as i’ve made clear im rlly impacted by this book. dont mind my lowkey venting

damn this is long

mista's coldness towards fugo / the stadium scene as a whole

it really really hurt me to see mista treating fugo, his old partner, his old friend like a dangerous enemy. i know he had his valid reasoning, but that very specific kind of angst shatters me. mista had his gun pointed at fugo for the entire stadium scene, not wavering for even a second. the worst part? it seemed like mista was trying to purposefully incite fugo to snap by right out insulting him and his stand, saying he was glad when fugo didn’t get on the boat. it seemed like he was egging fugo on just so he had an excuse to kill him, to get one more thing off his list of concerns. fugo as a person meant nothing at all to mista. when mista said “kill these traitors, or we’ll kill you” i wanted to cry. mista goes on about hoe fugo is a massive threat because purple haze is unhinged and can wipe out the enitre population if he wanted. fugo politely corrects him, as PH only has 6 capsules and can only attack 6 times in a day. did i see myself in that scene and feel fugo’s pain of just wanting to be left alone and not have to think about the past or the future, silent and melancholic during intervention and just feeling like the only way out is to kms right then and there? thats a secret ill never tell.  phf makes me smad.

there were some little details in purple haze feedback that got me thinking as well. in the 6 months between fugo’s leave and his cold reuniting with mista, fugo was playing piano at a bar. Most of the people who bring this up refer to it as just some cool trick he could get because he’s a rich kid. he is not. in flashbacks, it’s shown that bruno only knows how to cope with distress by isolating himself and bottling everything up. god, did i feel that. sheila e’s life goal was to kill illuso (to avenge her sister) and swore her life to giorno after finding out he killed him, it’s ironic though because in reality fugo had killed him, and in the first part of the book, they weren’t exactly friends. 

another part that really just made me wanna sob and bash my head into a wall was seeing fugo’s pure self hatred. since he was a child, he had it drilled into his head that if he couldnt produce results, he was worthless. after being disowned and thrown into jail with no future, he was completely hopeless. even after bruno came and took him in, he was never free of his liabilities. no matter what he did, he couldnt help seeing himself as some monster, failure, and burden. (kinnie moment) it worsened when he had to abandon bruno’s gang, his only saving grace was bruno, his light, hope, and acceptance. now he was stripped of that, gripped in fear knowing too well that betraying passione would end horribly. deep in his heart he wanted so badly to join them, to join his found family, but the logic he had drilled into his own head of knowing that betrayal was foolish and futile wouldnt let him have his way. hes back on the streets, just like how he was (or wouldve been after getting out of jail) after being disowned. he got a piano gig at a bar, and let himself wallow in grief and depression for 6 months. throughout the events pf PHF, we still see him clinging to memories and trauma. they say “what you let consume you will define you”, and i couldnt begin to describe it any better. putting all of the guilt and blame on his own shoulders, feeling he deserved it all and more. 

either i wasnt paying enough attention (this bitch got some rereading to do) or the purple haze distortion scene was kinda underwhelming. his character arc felt kinda rushed, like most of the book was establishing his bad state and constant flashbacks, and then all of a sudden he has confidence in his abilities and believes in himself. of course, im overjoyed he did get growth, and had a happy ending (depends on how you interpret it). stan fugio

vittorio’s fascination with pain really got me feelin. hgghhhhhhhh hh hnnhhhhh. he describes it well, wanting to feel his life force/energy in the form of pain so that he didnt ‘go extinct’, and the writing of it just saying straight up ‘cutting himself’ ‘hurting himself’ ‘self harming’ made my skin crawl. as someone who suffers with shit like that its both painful and relieving to know a character who has similar habits, whether it’s for the purpose of activating his stand or just to cope. 

2 times in phf, fugo does some kind of suicide attack. of course, he survives both. it’s never made clear whether or not he intended to die/didnt mind dying as it was a way of accomplishing his mission, but either way it got me heavy breathing. the last one especially, when he bites a virus capsule to kill volpe. did he know he’d grown and purple haze would miraculously save him with his own genius plan, or was he going out with a bang? luckily for me it wasnt really gone over like ‘hey you couldve died from that are you doing ok mentally’ or else i mightve felt nauseous reading it. im all for angst, but idk how much more i can take when its day 87 of quarantine and im numb as fuck just waiting to break down. 

angelica’s stand night bird flying (is probably not that complicated im just fuckin dumb) made fugo and everyone else hallucinate/dream. in fugo’s dream, it was pretty much an ideal au.  he was permitted to see his grandma when she was near death (preventing the professor scene), met bruno (fisher boy with fisher dad) on a boat and they became friends, nara went back to school and was doing good overall, abba remained a cop but didnt do any bad things, the whole group was all just good friends having a fun time. god i would licherally sell my body and soul for them all to be happy like that and all live. 

the concept of abandonment also messed me up, just the feeling that everyone say fugo as someone who abandoned the group in their hour of need out of selfishness made me wanna cry angry sad depression tears. hes a good man! let him be ok and happy i will fight all fugo haters no cap

every time i think back to the fugio restaurant scene i just. idk man it hurts me. the pessimistic bitch in me says that it would be unrequited and fugo would only be more sad because even through his efforts, he’s just another pawn working for giorno. on the other hand, it makes me soft n giddy because?? omyfucking god giorno asks fugo to call him giogio when NOBODY ELSE IN THE BOOK had referred to him as that. the fuckin “if grief anchors your feet, let me share it” part makes me wanna jusyt. complete my kin transformation into fugo and be a sobbin g  shaking mess in his arms as he tells me its all gonna be ok. was that a vent? absolutely. anyways, its pretty damn special for the don of the mafia to invite you to breakfast at a fancy restaurant before the place opens and its just the two of you. giorno fixes fugo’s injuries and tells him that he’s proud of his growth, and that he knew fugo could do it. dude?????? if i didnt already know i was a lonely affection/affirmation/attention starved bitch that wouldve done it for me.

holy fuck that was longer than i expected it to be. i do feel better tho

[pettyprocrastination]

Ok I have a major thing for handwriting idk so what do you think Ezra's handwriting looks like? (And on that topic, try not to think about love letters from Ezra when you're apart... Or do, I'd love to hear your thoughts bc I'm kinda dying here) I also feel like he's the kind of person to have just... a box of things you've written for him... Like literally anything. Shopping lists, letters, etc. and when he's away he takes them out and reads them :))

okay im feeling lonely and a little sad tonight so I immediately ran with this and uhhhhh this happened. (last bit is between him and reader from the thing “Stupid Man” that i posted earlier today. ) this ended up being a bit longer than expected sorry lmao

I’ve never written Ezra before please be gentle with me y’all

For this we're gonna say that Ezra is right-handed. 

I think Ezra had beautiful handwriting. Smooth, sloping neat lines ever since he was able to write. While other kids had to work on their penmanship, his was a natural gift. His handwriting was one that teachers would compliment in grade school, so distracted by the smooth strokes of his pencil that they hadn’t noticed the words used on his assignments weren’t even his, but that of the student sitting right next to him. The girls in his class would giggle and swoon at the albeit juvenile words of affections he’d write to them on secret notes passed back and forth between them, a habit he kept well into his adulthood. While he wasn’t proud of it, the harvester would leave notes of bittersweet goodbyes to lovers the morning after, remarking on how he would never forget the time spent working together on harvesting deposits as well as the intimate “and dare I say magical” nights they spent with one another. The women he laid with would be so enamored with his words and the rose tinted images his words painted, that by the time they would realize he’d taken off with their share of the harvest as well as his own, he’d be far enough into the stars all they could do was curse his name to the sky in anger. 

And then, one harvest in the Green, he had met a man named Damon and a brave little girl named Cee. 

These meetings, whether it was predestined or not, lead to him losing his right arm, and with it his beautiful handwriting. 

Learning to write again was frustrating, as a child it had come to him with ease, a natural gift. But as a grown man? Kevva alive it was enough to make him contemplate putting his fist through a wall. Until-

“Ez,” You poked your head into the den, eyes squinting and a blanket wrapped tight around your shoulders. “It’s three am, come to bed baby.”

You. 

You made it worth it. With every shy smile you wore each time he gave you a written proclamation of his love and dedication to you, no matter how messy his chicken scratch writing was you’d pepper his face with his kisses in gratitude. 

“My poet.” You’d coo in his ear. He’d feel that every moment of frustration was worth it, if he could see you like this every time. 

After losing his arm, Ezra became more appreciative of little written things. The notes you’d leave on the kitchen counter when you go to work, the way you doodle smiley faces and cartoon fruit on grocery lists, even the little slips of encouragement you sneak into his pocket when you thought he wouldn't notice. 

He did notice. He noticed every time actually. But he didn’t say anything out of fear that you would stop. 

Ezra had a little box of mementos about you, a ticket stub from the first movie you saw, an aurelac gem from your first dig together (one he swore to himself to never sell) and all the little notes, lists, and reminders you’d ever written. When one of you has to leave for a long period of time, whether it be work, or family or whatever reason. Each time he’ll open that box when he feels deepest in his lonesome, and his heart will lift just the tiniest bit. 

(next bit is just a little except with Ezra x Alien!Reader following this prompt)

Ezra must not have heard your key slide into the lock, or the door open at all. The washing machine was loud enough to drown it out, the damn thing was on its last life as it shook and trembled enough for you to send it a distasteful glare as if it were human. 

The wood creaked under your steps and yet, nothing. No thumping of excited feet to be met with a bruising kiss to your lips, mumbled “I missed you” against one another as you inevitably celebrated your return in bed with each other. 

You continued your trek to his bedroom as softly as you could. 

Maybe he was asleep?

He sat on the corner of his bed, his back to you and a box in his lap.

You found yourself staring at him with a smile, leaning against the door frame as you watched his sift through a box full of little notes and lists you’d written over your time together with a bittersweet smile. 

“Is this what you do whenever I leave?”

Ezra jumped, flinging the box from his lap and spilling all it’s contents onto the floor. A variety of emotions crossed over his face before one took over them all at the sight of you. 

Pure joy. 

He crossed to you in three quick strides. His hand found itself at the nape of your neck, pulling you to him for a heated kiss that you were all too grateful for due to your time apart. 

“Oh my darling warrior has returned.” He spoke between the feather-light kisses he laid all over your face, turning you into a fit of flustered giggles at the feeling of his scruff against your skin.

 “Were those diplomats as horrid and soulless as you claimed them to be?”

You pulled away and groaned. “Even worse. But that doesn’t matter now.”

“That it does not.” He agreed, his thumb rubbed comforting circles against your skin. “Not a day went by when I didn’t think of that shining smile or alluring voice, having you part from me is like robbing an addict of their temptation.”

You pressed your hand against his mouth. If he spoke any further you definitely wouldn’t be able to focus on anything other than taking off his clothes. “Enough of that smooth talker.” Your eyes went to the pile of notes across the floor. You spotted one, a tiny birthday card with a coffee stain on the corner, that was from the first time you celebrated his birthday together. It had been three months into your relationship. You stared up at him.

“You really kept them all?”

The look in his eyes, so soft and tender part of you was worried he’d break in your hands. But you knew better than that. 

“I’d be a fool if I didn’t, brave one.” He rested his forehead against yours, exhaling a shaky breath as he did. “I am afraid I’m not as strong as I first surmised I would be at your frequent departures-”

Guilt washed over you in a hot wave. “Ezra-”

“-but I am extremely grateful that you return to me each time.” He interrupted, a soft kiss pressed against your pulse-point to punctuate, your eyes fluttered shut and he smiled. 

“It is a blessing with no disguise that such a woman as yourself would go see the world and decide to return to the humble abode of a lowly, former harvester such as myself after each one. I do not need a reminder of that gift, but still, it helps the distance feel just a click smaller.”

You sniffed and bumped your forehead against his with a tear smile. “Stupid man.” You weakly scolded, your voice wavering and not holding its usual command of the room. 

Ezra smiled, oh how he loved to hear you call him that. Ever since you first found him years ago on your home planet, and witnessed him nearly get killed because of his lack of knowledge on the plant life there. You’d guided him throughout his dig, all while criticizing his stupidity, lack of preparation and “positively abhorrent attitude, you stupid man! Coming to a planet you know nothing of? Surely you want to die!”

Over time he learned that “stupid man” was your version of “I love you.”

“You know you’ll never be without me, Ezra.” You dipped your head down and pressed a kiss to his chest. “No matter how far I am, you will always have me with you. Please don’t ever forget that.”

His hand slid up to rest on your cheek, you didn’t miss the way his fingers trembled oh so slightly against your skin. 

“Oh gentle warrior.” He whispered with a warm smile. “I do not deserve you.”

You thought-no, you knew he deserved you and much more. But he hadn’t realized that yet. You believed that Ezra deserved the world. You couldn’t give him that, so you settled for your love, devotion and handwritten notes slipped into his back pocket when you thought he wouldn’t notice. 

He noticed every time.

[holywankenobi]

SW fandom rant

To be honest, I don't really know how or where can I start talking about this. If you aren't interested in any of the Star Wars drama that is going on then skip this post, cause its gonna be long... these goes for the SW fans we are concerned about the whole situation itself. I barely have the strength to do this and exposing my opinion about certain things makes me uncomfortable but it's been a long while since I'm keeping things to myself. There's much information I have to process so please be patient with me since I barely know how to express my emotions in the right way (that's why I'm holding myself back a lot here: it will seem I'm calm... but I'm not. I'm angry and tired at the same time).

DISNEY CANON

We all know where it all started. The Force Awakens premiere in 2015. We will start from there.

As ANY star wars movie, there will be people who liked it, people who loved it and people who hated it. And there is where some fans clash with the others. Fans who enjoy practically every movie or SW related things and those fans who demonize every movie (specially the ones from the new Disney canon) and the only thing that matters for them are the episodes IV, V, VI and the Legends canon (some of them also defend the prequel episodes I, II and III, fact which I'll talk about it later). And they bash against everyone who likes the Disney sequels.

BOI IM SCARED OF TELLING PEOPLE THIS WAS MY FAVOURITE SAGA SO FAR. And I already had problems with Legends hardcore fans.

Let me tell this straightaway... Star Wars are movies for kids. They've always been. George Lucas said it. They seem to be thirsty for feeling again what they felt when they were kids whenever a SW movie comes out but they always exit the cinema with a feeling of extreme disappointment.

I was talking about the last movie with my co workers at the beginning of the year and they complaint it was "too Disney". And that's precisely what I'm trying to explain! It's ok whether you like the sequels or not like them. Everyone has his own taste. I just find funny complaining for a whole saga originally made for kids for being "too Disney". I dont know if you get my point here.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uEsOqEpNF0k&list=PL8SlwcJuVWR2FNtL-6Wo5QUP6LMjpNJUA

LEGENDS CANON

Then there's those who hated the prequels, that said there was nothing worse than the phantom menace, those who hated on George Lucas for doing such a crap, but now praise the prequels because Disney is satan for them and they want the old canon back. George Lucas ended up selling SW to Disney because, he ain't no fool, he knows this fanbase is one of the most toxic and ungrateful that has ever existed. And he saw it with the prequels feedback... Then they now have the guts to demand him to continue the old canon? Smells like hypocrite-crying fanboys to me.

My whole point is....It's ok if you are a new/Disney sequels fan, it's ok if you are a prequels fan, it's ok if you are a SW original movies fan, Legends canon fan, OG fan, casual fan, hardcore fan... as always you understand that not everyone will agree with your point of view, not everyone will like or think the same way as you do, or live SW the same way as you do. There's a difference between respecting and agreeing with, concepts which sometimes get mixed and taken as the same thing, which is not. Respect other fans mean "I don't agree with you but I know how much this means for you, so I won't intentionally mock you" WHICH THING LEADS US TO THE NEXT TOPIC:

JOHN BOYEGA

*takes a deep breath*

Man. I dont know. He's a full grown up man and he's behaving like a 5 yo on his social media...... John is the actor who gives life to Finn (the ex stormtrooper). It all started with this sexist comment he responded to a fan in his IG. 

Then people (naturally) got offended, specially reylos. But instead of apologizing he kept on going, remarked what he said and also did a video to mock the reylo community.

You think I'm only defending a ship here but no. Its bigger than that. He has the right to feel left out in this saga because I agree with him IN THAT FACT. He is probably the actor which is more into the SW world, he was always a big fan (of the whole cast I mean). Thats why fans love him do much. And I did love him too. And he (naturally) wanted to have more spotlight on this saga ( I think Finn was one of the most wasted characters of these movies tbh) But instead of taking it the mature way he's having a tantrum on his IG because Finnrey did not become a real thing, he's trolling reylos and encouraging SW haters and antis to bully them whose are already having a hard time with TROS end (which I'll talk about later because I dont like their attitude about it either).

And it's not just raise the hate on shippers thing dude you could just apologize because you said something sexist and offended a lot of people who ship reylo and really means a thing for them. The whole thing that the greatest achievement a man can have with a woman is sex is just DISGUSTING. Rey kissed Ben but now he's gone Finn has the road clear and can fuck her? BRUH.

This is all so wrong and he was the one who started it.

ADAM DRIVER

I'm really relieved Adam does not have any social media because omg I would be suffering so much rn...

I honestly have never emotionally connected with an actor so much as I did with him. His whole acting is so good and I could really notice on this last movie. I'm starting to watch his other movies. And not just his acting, he's so professional off camera too.

I'm really happy and proud of him for his Oscar nomination, he really deserves it TT

But I'm worried this whole John Boyega thing affects him. Idk how I would feel if I were in his shoes, if my coworker was saying those things on social media and then smile at me like nothing is happening. But honestly what hurts me the most is he's having a worse time with "reylos".. I think the rumors of him having an affair with Daisy Ridley was what messed things up. I honestly dont know if its true, I've got some info but it's hard to believe. Because there are so many haters manipulating fake info that I dont trust anything and anyone anymore.

And this is where I talk about:

REYLOS AND DAIVERS

BOI OH BOI

This is gonna be hard....

First of all, I don't consider Daivers (Daisy x Adam shippers) as part of the reylo community. I'm sorry. But its fucking disgusting you going to demand Adam to divorce from his wife, abandon his son and then start dating Daisy because of this rumor or because you can't separate fiction from reality.... I read he even recieved death threats ARE WE NUTS??? They (Adam and Daisy) having a good chemistry working together doesn't mean they are in love, kids...

Driver has an awesome wife and a lovely son. Daisy is currently dating someone.

Infidelity is gross. No more. And I would be so disappointed at them if this turns out to be true. But seeing all what's happening around the actors and specially having all this haters out there... I'll say this was all false information.

Daiver is not real and won't be. So stick only to the fictional ship.....

About Reylo itself. I find REALLY funny how people who dont know shit about what this ship means say it's an abusive relationship. Bullshit. I wouldn't be shipping them if so.

Also the people still stating it's not real/canon hiding themselves behind the "Ben solo is dead lol" argument. Do you stop loving someone when they die?

Yes, they love each other. No, it wasn't always reciprocated love. They started being enemies in the force awakens, friends who understood and cared for each other through force dyad in the last jedi and ended up being lovers at the end of the rise of Skywalker. Rey wants to revenge her family (her falling to the dark side) but also wants Ben Solo back, and he wants to be the most powerful leader on the galaxy and still being kylo ren. But they eventually meet in the middle between light and dark and Leia finally reaches out to him to make him turn to the light.That's their fight. That's the angst. That's the tea. "No one is ever really gone" there's always hope. Star Wars is centered in HOPE. And their story represents it at its finest.

NOW. The reylo community.

Despite you liked it or not the end they gave to the saga... I think JJ Abrams doesn't deserve all the hate he's receiving... he probably did a lot of things wrong but seriously... just stop. Not only from reylos but the whole fandom.

Sending hate won't lead to anything now...

I enjoyed The rise of Skywalker. Indeed I spent half of the movie crying and I loved it.

You can cry as much as you want the loss of Ben (although I have hope for him still being alive in a way, there are plenty of theories) but that doesn't give you the right to death threat JJ. And I think I'll stop here cause I'm already tired.

Everyone has their own taste, preferences, favourite characters, ships, whatever. I pray for people stop judging others for their tastes, specially in this cursed fanbase. Sorry if I ever misbehaved trying to defend what I think or like. I just want this place to be supportive and safe for everyone and everything what's happening is not helping... We are all SW fans and that's our connection point. Dont discredit others for having another point of view...

I'll leave it here, but I'm open to debate or talk about anything I said in a respectful way.

[clovis-enthusiast]

Little thought about The Tyrant’s Tomb. [SPOILERS!!!!]

oKAY, so I’m gonna start off by saying that, as usual, Rick Riordan’s writing style never fails to impress and draw me in to keep reading and not stop until I’ve devoured every last word. I was DESPERATE to read this book because it took me longer to get it than usual, and I was trying to go into it spoiler free (aside from reading the snippets that Uncle Rick posted on his Twitter every now and then.) I pretty much managed to do so, and it made the experience that much more emotional for me. I went into The Burning Maze KNOWING that Jason was going to die, but I had absolutely no idea what I’d be facing in this book.

Camp Jupiter

I’m just gonna flat out say it; I was never really all that interested in Camp Jupiter in the beginning. I didn’t like the majority of the characters (aside from Dakota who is my legal son) and the camp structure (though accurate to the Romans) seemed too strict and harsh to me. The ranking systems confused me, and it all in all just did not appeal to me the way Camp Half-Blood does. However, the more I read, the more attached I grew, and although I still MUCH prefer Camp Half-Blood and would choose it in a heartbeat when choosing between the two camps, it still became an interesting place to read about. I ADORE the idea of New Rome and the sharp contrast of silly demigods like the fifth cohort vs. the strict rules and upbringing of the camp.

When Jason died in The Burning Maze and the next book was set to take place surrounding Camp Jupiter, I grew excited. I REALLY wanted to meet more of the demigods of the Roman camp and explore them more (mostly Dakota but I digress.) Although I knew reading about everyone’s reactions to Jason’s death would be hard, I fought through it and was somewhat surprised by the lack of grieving that was presented. I mean, the ENTIRE first few chapters were ALL about Jason’s coffin and Lester and Meg grieving and trying their best to get it to camp but when it actually got there there really wasn’t that much of an uproar. At first I thought that was strange but looking back at it the Romans are brought up to be strong and not let emotions take over them, and people like Hazel have to show absolute strength. Besides the camp was already in mourning over DOZENS of other campers at the time.

That was another thing that sort of bugged me. I was absolutely ITCHING to meet some new characters and granted I got a few, but the majority of the ‘newer’ characters had already been killed and served only as the undead army.

THAT WAS SO FUCKED UP. It was one thing that I think Rick did a really good job with in upping the deep and darkness of the Riordanverse series. Can you imagine fighting your undead comrades and friends?? Like holy shit, that was emotional. I was super worried I spoiled something for myself on Istagram bc I read a post someone made about Jason trying to get the undead Romans to follow him instead or direct them away from camp, but I should have known it wasn’t true since he was literally burned.

Frank

Speaking of burning, I ACTUALLY thought Rick killed Frank off. Up until this book, I hadn’t really realized how much I loved this man. His character is just so well-written and likable and when he sacrificed the wood, I was like NOOOOOOOOO. I was SO grateful he came back in the end because I was sure Rick would never hear the end of THAT one if he allowed it to really happen. On the bright side, my baby boy can now enjoy his life with a little bit more vigor and less fear now that the stick is gone for good.

New Characters

Lavinia Asimov: Okay, Lavinia is a REALLLLLLLY weird character to me. She reminds me a lot of Lou Ellen to be honest, but for some reason, she doesn’t appeal to me as much as Lou Ellen does. (Maybe it’s just because I tend to prefer minor characters) Her rebelliousness seemed a little too... forced at times?? And her whole thing with the dryads and fauns was kinda weird too, but I guess since she likes Poison Ivy, it makes sense. However, she kinda did grow on me, I suppose, and I wouldn’t mind seeing more of her.

Poison Ivy: I REALLY wished we could have met her even just once. Lavinia would not shut up about her and was CONSTANTLY rebelling against the rules in camp just to see her, so I wanna know just what kind of a character she is. I’m sure she would have been very interesting and sassy to have been Lavinia’s love interest lol

Pranjal: He’s a good boy!!! Not quite sure how to pronounce his name properly, but his appearance is adorable and I LOVE the fact that he’s a son of Aesculapius because he’s one of my favorite gods soooo... I really wish we could have seen more of him!! He’s kinda like Clovis in the way that he has like one important part, gets mentioned like two times afterwards and then never again :^/

Aristophanes: he’s a cat,,, i love him,,, 

Harpocrates: This was SO interesting and out of the blue to me having gone in spoiler free!! He’s earned a new spot up in my favorite gods list because of how interesting and mysterious he is. His concept was great and although i was sad to see him sacrificed, I hope that he and Sibyl are together wherever they are bc that was damn cute and made me so emotional afgkjldg why did Apollo have to be such a dick as a god,,,

New names with little to no info: Carl (Roman demigod,) Reza (Roman demigod,) Reginald (faun,) Felipe (faun,) Harold (faun,) Lotoya (dryad,) Buster (unicorn,) Muffin (unicorn,) Whagadoodle (unicorn,) Shirley (unicorn,) Horatio (unicorn,) One Eye (pegasus,) Small Ears (pegasus,) Boost (pandai,) Ida (Roman demigod,) Caelius (Roman demigod,) Thomas (Roman demigod,) Colum (Roman demigod,) and Terrel (Roman demigod)

Lester/Apollo

MY BOY HAS GROWN!!! He’s so human now, and I’m so proud. He doesn’t even second guess sacrificing himself or humiliating himself to save his friends. I just... I have a lot of feelings over his character development. Rick handles him SO well, and I just,,, I love him,,, i am,,, in love with him,, i would date lester papadopoulos

Meg

She’s grown to be such a doll!! I was SUPER annoyed by her in the first books, but now she’s my daughter. I love that she’s actually expressing emotions other than ‘annoying 12 year old’ now. Like I wanna protect her.

Reyna

She was a pretty good character in this book and her leaving the camp was a HUGE surprise to me. I kinda wish she was still praetor because idk Hazel just doesn’t rlly seem as fit for it as Reyna was, and I like Reyna a lot, but idk i guess it’s coolio. I was also glad Rick cleared up all the romance discourse about her too though the way he did it was kinda weird (she literally was using the word ‘ship’ out loud like wh-- and i don’t remember the venus thing at all so maybe i missed it from a different book? idk it came out of nowhere to me)

Ella and Tyson

I actually like Ella a lot now!! I used to find her quite annoying, and her relationship with Tyson felt forced, but now that I had the time to get used to her and figure out her character a little more, I do like her. She sort of treats Tyson weird, but I think towards the end, I fell for their relationship more. Tyson was literally excellent, show-stopping, breath-taking, amazing,,, like YESSS KING I LOVE YOU AND YOU PEANUT BUTTER-SMELLING SELF (that one scene where he just started dancing and apollo didn’t know if it was for the ritual or just bc he felt like it killed me)

Character Deaths

Dakota: I AM NEVER GOING TO GET OVER THIS ONE FOLKS. YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MANY TIMES I HAD TO REREAD THE SAME SENTENCE TO MAKE SURE THAT I WASN’T HAVING A NIGHTMARE. I PHYSICALLY CANNOT BELIEVE THAT RICK KILLED HIM OFF. I’M STILL EMOTIONAL OVER IT, AND JUST AJSDHF;AMNJ ‘;  NOOOOOOOOOOO THIS IS THE SECOND SIBLING POLLUX HAS LOST IM GOING TO  S C R E A M  HE WAS ONE OF MY FAVORITE CHARACTERS AND HE DESERVED BETTER DAMN IT I’M LITERALLY IN SHOCK LITERALLY DO NOT TALK TO ME LIKE I’M STILL IN SHOCK FROM CREST’S DEATH IN THE LAST BOOK TBH AND NOW THIS??? NOW I’M SCARED CLOVIS IS GONNA DIE JSDKLFKS the only thing that gives me comfort is that Jason can be with his friend in Elysium now fuckkkk,,, rick why did you do this to me,,, I LITERALLY CANNOT EXPRESS HOW UPSET I AM I WILL  N E V E R  HEAL

Don: Don was sort of a comic relief character in SoN, and it was very sad to see him go. He reminded me a lot of Grover, and his death scene with Lavinia ACTUALLY made me tear up. THIS BOOK MADE ME SO EMOTIONAL GOD DAKOTA AND DON WERE LITERAL BABIES RICK GIVE THEM BACK

Bobby: listen,,, we never even met this kid rlly and i was still super sad when lavinia had to kill him again and hannibal is without him and just ughhh whyyy

Julia’s mother, father, AND foster parents: HOLY SHIT RICK WASN’T THAT KIND OF OVERKILL??? I felt so bad for the poor girl, especially cause she’s like six??? But it’s very sweet that Terminus adopted her. I really liked that.

Jacob: AAHHHAHA this one made me sad too!!!! he was such a minor character, but he reminded me of Damien White and Ethan Nakamura (if he were allowed to actually be a kid,) so I think that’s why I was sort of partial to him. The way he died was SUPER horrid too, so I just,,, im big sad for him (on a good hand, he went down F I G H T I N G)

Mentions of anything relating to Hypnos or his children

Yes, i am keeping track, sue me. Somnus was mentioned one time in this book as one of the gods Apollo briefly considered summoning to his aid, and it is presumed he has some sort of tribute at Camp Jupiter had he not before. You’ll make another appearance someday Clovis, I know it :’^D 

Final Thoughts

I literally CANNOT wait for the next book (which I presume is the last one.) From what it seems, we’re returning to New York, so Camp Half-Blood will be present. I can’t wait to see my babes again, and I’m REALLY hoping more minor characters will be allowed to shine (cough clovis cough) but like i KNOW some will die and just,,, im sad,,, dakota’s death has wrecked me,,, but on the side note, the new book is coming out in my last year of school!!! i’m so excited because this series holds emotional value to me like i’ve literally gone through my high school career with trials of apollo like it was with me the whole time and it’s one of the only things that keeps me going. i just,,, i have no words to express how much this series and all the others mean to me...

thank you so much for keeping me going, uncle rick. i can’t wait to see how this all ends :^) <3 

[shhhhyoursister]

hi ahh i got tagged by my lovely pal @brisingr-iettauthr (ronan ily) to do this top 5 list thing so im gonna!!! do it before the year ends!!!! ive still got like 12 whole hours!!!

top 5 films (warning i dont know movies at all so im gonna do my best lmao and count movies that i watched for the first time in 2019)

1. spider-man: into the spider-verse (holy fuck this is the best movie of all time)

2. moonlight (i technically saw this in theaters but it deserves to be mentioned)

3. dumplin’ (i just thought it was?? so cute??)

4. fahrenheit 11/9 (super good documentary about some aspects of just how fucked up america is rn :))

5. the miseducation of cameron post (super hard to watch, super well done)

top 5 series

1. druck (i dont even have to go into it)

2. schitt’s creek (the funniest show on television no i will not accept criticism)

3. american vandal (also one of the funniest shows out there)

4. pose (beautiful cast beautiful characters beautiful storytelling)

5. when they see us (fucking heartbreaking docuseries about the exonerated 5 take a peek if you wanna see one of the most fucked up cases of innocent people being incarcerated in america)

top 5 1 books (i dont read enough its so bad i just never have time but ive got one book i can suggest)

1. aristotle and dante discover the secrets of the universe (oh my god just read it)

top 5 songs (i dont know current music besides a few very specific atists so this is also gonna be a couple songs i heard for the first time this year)

1. blessings - tom walker (one of my fave druck songs wow wow wow)

2. old town road - lil nas x (thanks for the country bop written by a black gay man that would also keep the attention of all of my campers for however long we played it)

3. truth hurts - lizzo (the most fun song to sing in the entire world)

4.  prosecco - jacob banks (not only is this song great and from druck but its become like an inside joke with my irl friends i love it)

5. everybody wants to love you - japanese breakfast (this song is jsut a vibe tbh)

top 5 6 positive things that happened this year (this is nice i need this)

1. after working extremely hard for months i got hired to be on the executive board of a really big organization on my campus, and since being on that board ive had an amazing time and gotten to do so many cool things!! and i did all the work for it myself!!!! im super fucking proud of that!!!!

2. along the same lines i got hired as an ra for next semester which is so so so nice and really validating and im super excited to meet all my residents and get to know them and just have an amazing semester :,)

3. ive somehow become part of a very tight knit group of friends at my school, with people who i wasnt really expecting to get super close with, but the four of us have been keeping each other going for months and i would not be a person without them and i just love those uglies a lot :,)

4. i got??? a DOG??????? like me and my mom adopted the sweetest and cutest and best and most perfect dog in the world?? her name is sasha (full name sasha velour yes like the super fucking awesome nonbinary drag queen) and shes really just the most perfect creature on the planet :)) 

5. i watched druck?? thats pretty big?? and not only did i find a show that means more to me than any piece of media ive ever watched before, it also gave me an outlet for all the pent up writing energy ive had for the last like 6 years, and brought me into this amazing fandom that ive grown to love literally so freaking much!!!!! ive made so many amazing friends through this show and its really just been one of the best things that happened to me this year <3

6. going along with that kinda like just the fact that i started writing again is?? pretty big?? when i was a kid, and im talking like 8 and onward i used to write all the fucking time, like was always sat in front of the computer writing something and that stopped when i was in high school because i got too busy!! so im super fucking grateful for the people in the dod who pushed me to write this summer, and also to YALL that have been nonstop hyping me up since?? like you guys dont understand how validating it is for me, this really has been one of the best things to come out of 2019 for me

im gonna tag the other Gays (tm) @theyellowcurtains, @chlouais, @navollidiot, @davenziabend, @vildelesbianqueen, @sourflorenzi, @rimbaux, @bagels-and-seagulls!!!! i love you all AH!!!!!!!

[zoeygreensimblr]

All you had to do was Stay (Episode 30)

Graduation day, a day I thought would never arrive, I am finally done with Buckingham High, I cleared out my locker, handed my textbooks back to the office and have my cape and gown ready, I am so excited.

Tess and I arrive at school at 11, I take my seat next to Cassie, the best part about seating being done in alphabetical order is that Goth comes just before Green. Tess takes her place on stage next to Declan, her final duty as School Captain is to run the ceremony alongside Mr Landgaarb.

We do a practice run of the ceremony before the parents and special guests arrive.

"They are going to drag this out aunt they?" Cassie complains and I nod, I just want to get my diploma and drink champagne and dance around my basement with my friends.

The ceremony begins at 1pm, we've been sitting in the school hall for hours and everyones restless so when Tess finally steps up to the microphone to commence we all cheer.

"I like to welcome our parents and guests and congratulate my fellow classmates on completing not only the hardest year of our lives, so far, but also 13 years of schooling. The memories that we've made here will stay with us forever and no matter where you are going next year you will always have a part of Buckingham with you. On behalf of Declan and myself we want to say that we have been honoured to be your school captains and we would like to thank Mr Landgaarb and all our teachers for all their guidance and support this year." Tess announces to the crowd and we all cheer again.

Mr Landgaarb approaches the microphone and begins handing out our diplomas, Declan is first, followed by Tess and then the rest of the class in alphabetical order. When it comes to my turn to accept my diploma Mr Landgaarb smiles warmly at me

"Congratulations Miss Green" he says, shaking my hand, Tess breaks protocol to run up and hug me, to share this moment together.

After the ceremony we find all set out to find our parents and guests. I spot Mum and Don, standing at the back of the room talking to Imogen, I'm surprised to see her here. I approach them and Mum pulls Tess and I in for a hug together.

"Im so proud of my babies" She cries.

Don is next to grab us and tell us that he is proud and happy, I've never seen Don cry before today. We move down the line to Imogen, who looks as beautiful as ever.

"Congratulations Zoey and Tess" She says hugging us

"Thank you" I reply, "Is Angus here?" I ask her and she points behind me, he was filming the ceremony and Tess and I with our parents. He runs up to us, wraps me up in his arms, picks me up and spins me.

"You're free Princess, congratulations" He exclaims, that big, bright smile on his face but his face drops when he sees Mr Landgaarb coming over to us, "Fuck" he whispers to me.

"Congratulations again Zoey" Mr Landgaarb says

"Thank you" I reply through gritted teeth, I hate this guy.

"Angus I wanted to come over and clear the air, after Tuesday evening. Zoey was right, I was out of line with how I spoke to you, it's been 5 years and you've grown into a good man. I also want to apologise to you for destroying your education, it's not excuse but my son was a drug addict who is now serving a life sentence in a foreign prison for attempting to smuggle drugs, when I caught you with drugs I took the anger I have for my son out on you. You were a bright student and could have gone far" Mr Landgaarb explains

"Thank you for the apology but it doesn't really change what happened, what I lost" Angus says coldly

"Which is why I have an offer for you. I looked over your records, saw what subjects you took and have spoken to our teachers here, I want to give you back your year, it would mean you would have to start year 12 again but I want to get you your high school certificate and you could go to university" Mr Landgaarb offers him

"I'll be 23 sitting in a classroom with 17 and 18 year olds?" Angus asks

"No, you can do your subjects at home, at your own pace, we will be on hand to provide you with as much tutoring and support you need to get you up to speed and your girlfriend here would be happy to help too" He says, pointing to me, I'm about to correct him when Angus jumps in

"I accept your offer" Angus says, shaking Landgaarb's hand.

"I'm having a small graduation party at my house, would you come to it?" I invite Angus one Landgaarb has left us

"Of course sweetie, as long as you don't mind a high schooler coming along to your party" He laughs

"Oh yeah, we don't hang out with high school kids" I tease him

"I can't believe I'm going to put myself through all that stress again" He sighs

"At least this time you know whats coming, you know the material, you've read all the books on the reading list and you can have my notes. Plus I'll help you through, so will the others and we can go to university together" I tell him, I'm so happy he gets a second chance.

"I owe you so much Zoey, if you hadn't defended me then this would never of happened. Thank you" He hugs me tightly

Angus and I walk to his car which he parked in the school parking lot and he hands me the his keys.

"You're driving home" He announces to me

"I can't drive your car. What if I crash it?" I panic

"I'm insured and you won't crash. Just remember though, I love my car so you've gotta treat her right, take it slow, ease yourself into it" He reminds me

"You love her more than me?" I ask him

"She never left me" He teases.

I drive slowly out of the car park, making sure I'm cautious and head out of Forgotten Hollow.

"I could get used to driving this" I tell him as we come into Willow Creek, I'm staying just under 60km

"You can go faster if you want, it's 70 along this road" He tells me and I put my foot down slightly on the accelerator, bringing it up to 67, "You're doing good Zo" He praises me.

"I told you I could drive" I remind him

"Yeah but you also told me you felt nervous driving outside of Brindleton Bay so I'm a little surprised with how calm you are" He exclaims

"I couldn't drive to San Myshuno during the day, I'd have a panic attack with the amount of traffic and all the lane changes" I tell him

"Zoey there was a time, not too long ago, when you couldn't even talk to me without having a panic attack and now you're telling off school principals, you're not that shy, timid girl I first met, you've pushed yourself outside of your own comfort zone and I love seeing it" He says, placing a hand on my knee

"And I credit a lot of that too you Angus, you brought me out of my shell, you made me feel special" I look over at him and smile

"Eyes on the road Zoey" He panics slightly

My basement has been transformed with balloons and streamers, theres food everywhere and Don is mixing drinks at the bar. Tess, Cassie, Sam and Declan are already here.

"I just messaged Steph, she said her and Annabelle will be here soon" Tess says running up to me

"I drove Angus' car" I blurt out to her, it's a big, exciting achievement for me and I want to tell everyone

"You let her drive it? Her?" Tess yells at Angus

"She earned it, she got me a second chance at completing Year 12" Angus boasts

"What? That's awesome news" Tess says hugging Angus and then me, "Let's drink and dance", she grabs my hand and leads me to where Cassie, Sam and Declan are dancing, Angus goes to the bar and gets us drinks and talk to Don, I look over and see them laughing together, my mother walks up to Angus and hugs him warmly, I didn't even know him when I started the year and now he is so intertwined into my life, even when we didn't talk he was still in my life through Tess, Cassie and Declan.

I leave my group to join Angus, I hear the end of their conversation as I approach, something about Christmas is being discussed.

"It's only October and you're already planning Christmas?" I ask them and they exchange looks

"Zoey you know me, always making plans" Angus laughs

"Can I borrow you for a moment, I have something for you" I ask him, he hands me a drink and follows me upstairs, to my bedroom, I realise this is the first time he's been in here too.

"I love your mural, did Tess paint that?" He marvels at the beautiful beach scene.

"She did, she's pretty good. Did you ever get her to paint one in your office?" I enquire

"Yep, I'll show it to you tomorrow afternoon, she did an amazing job and now I have something beautiful to look at every day" He tells me and I hand him his copy of 'Seduction by the Sea'

"Sorry, I've had this sitting here since July, I thought about mailing it back to you but I didn't want to let it go, it reminded me of you" I say

"You didn't finish it?" He exclaims

"I tried to, I love the story but after we broke up I couldn't read about the captain without thinking of you, so I would sleep with it beside me every night" I tell him

"Keep it Zo, finish it" He urges, putting it back down on my bedside table, "I like your room, it's very Zoey"

"I don't even know what that means Angus" I laugh

"You've got this giant movie collection which is almost matched by your book collection, you have posters of horses and little shinny trinkets, it's cute like you" He smiles at me

"You like cute, I remember" I smile back at him

"I like you" He exclaims, stroking my cheek

"We should probably get back to the party" I suggest because I know his flirting won't go anywhere and I'll just end up sad that it will never be what I want it to be.

[hyungkyun]

happy bday dummy 🤡

OMG can u believe!!! u turn four today… they grow up so fast ugh 😔 i met u when u were like two… u were just a litle baby. you’re still a litle baby, actually, u canot change this. wish i could give u a brand new bear blanky as ur gift! 😔😔😔

ill stop clowning now skdfjld. but for real, i cant believe its been another whole ass year and were still being annoying together!!! ilysm bih!!!!!!! i think i’ve said this before on each of our bdays lmao,, but youre really a huge part of my life. i just keep repeating it bc it’s actually rly fucking impressive how after all this time (aLL tHiS tImE, be we’re eighty or smth lmao) we keep being as annoying as the first day lmaoaoa. not to be gross or anything but you’re really an amazing friend, and im thankful for all the support and love you’ve given me all this time. im rly lucky to get to have u in my life!! guess tungle did One Good thing by putting us together :Y

i do mean it when i say you’re a wonderful person. i know u have a hard time believing that sometimes, but i guess part of my work here as ur friend is to remind u everytime until u believe it!!! you’re a beautiful human being, inside and outside. i could make a list of all the good qualities in u, but you’re much more complex than a list of things! the way ur qualities overlap and make u u is unique and everchanging, it can’t just be put down into a bunch of words. language is not enough to express the magnificence of a single person (trust me, i would know, bc im an eNgLiSh MaJoR). i’m thankful that you’ve let me see a bit of urself. hopefully u won’t mind if i stay around to see a little more.

anyway. let’s go back to clowning  😜 

you’re becoming a whole ass grown child vampire i’m so proud of u 🤧 i hope u have a rly good day, and find some time to eat like. a cake or smth delicious. we can pretend i made it for u, just choose a good one that looks a lil ugly, to keep it as accurate as possible :|

i love u vvvvvv much, dummy 💕💕💕 i rly wish the best for u!!! 

mayhaps……..im crying……….maybe copious tears are falling down my cheeks but we’ll never be sure……….bruh :-( ure the cutest im gonna sob like a litle baby 😔 maybe ure right im just a litle baby and itll never change 😔😔 but so are u!!!! so im the one whos gonna give u a bear blanky as a gift!!! die!! why are u clowning me its rly soft and cozy ud love it!!!!!!!!!!!!

skdjfhskdjfh i know we always say that but it IS v impressive and tbh……we just get more and more annoying with time………so its surprising neither of us has blocked the other yet LMFAO but i could never :-( i love u sm ure so precious to me :-( like its gross and ure stinky but i rly rly rly love u and im rly rly rly grateful to be able to talk to u everyday :-( i know u like to be all tough with all ur scorps and stuff but u rly do have a Huge Soft Heart and this is proof, ure so sweet :-( i rly hope im able to give u back all the love and support uve been giving me this past year, u deserve the world nat :-( tungle did what the goblin denied us by putting us so far apart, bless this cursed site.

ugh omg :-( im so emo shut up…..ure such an angel and i usually say this like ‘hey angel 😘😛😜’ but like!!! i rly mean it look at u :-( i know im a stubborn lil shit but thank u so much for supporting me, comforting me and just!! staying by my side (even tho it would look like the opposite since we’re always bantering skdjfhsjdfh) im the one who’s thankful to be around someone who lets me be myself, whatever that is lol, and of course id love u to stay for as long as possible :-( i wanna see more of u too dummy, u lil cryptic sag baby :T but anyway ur nerd english major words rly made me cry so damn u nat!!!!! ure rly out there making my airy heart feel things!!!!!!!! on my airy bday!!!! unbelievable!! 

skjfskj omg stop im not a child vampire!!! im 21 now, its the legal vampire age to drink the blood of the innocent 😔 skdfskjf ure literally so dumb!!! ur cakes are always pretty and full of love!!! my mom did make a cake tho and i could only taste the lemon 😔😔 i guess it was rly ur cake 😔😔😔😔

i love u so much idiot i was like. looking forward to ur bday message bc ure so dumb cute :-( oh who am i fooling im always looking forward to ur messages :T but u said such nice things im so emo rn ure a dumbass i love u the most :-( thanks for making my bday (and all my days) full of love and nice memories 💕💗💓💞💘💕💞💓💗💘💕💕💗💓💞💘💕💞💓💗💘💕💕💗💓💞💘💕💞💓💗💘💕💕💗💓💞💘💕💞💓💗💘💕💕💗💓💞💘💕💞💓💗💘💕💕💗💓💞💘💕💞💓💗💘💕💕💗💓💞💘💕💞💓💗💘💕💕💗💓💞💘💕💞💓💗💘💕💕💗💓💞💘💕💞💓💗💘💕

[dykedteach]

okay here we go, episode 2 second watch

(I think this is my longest liveblog I’ve done, but then again I feel like this is the most emotional a tv episode has made me since I finished Black Sails so like?)

so uhhh they’re really gonna hide all the valuable people in the crypts huh, they’re really following through on that

“women and children first” to DIE??? I M EAN

i’ve been thinking about this non stop since i first watched the ep and my growing dread is nigh unstoppable, if i had any doubts that the winterfell dead might rise, their whole repeated thing of “everyone will be safe down there” shot them straight down

i’m lowkey annoyed we missed out on what would have been an incredibly awkward introduction scene between jaime and literally everyone, but i’m glad his “trial” didn’t drag out

i want sam’s opinion on dany’s bloodthirst vis a vis avenging her father BC LIKE????

“i’d do it all again” honey be QUIET 

L O Y A L T  Y 

loyalty

l      o   yal     t e  a

lmao daenerys’ look of anger and disgust at brienne hopping to jaime’s defense alone makes me want her dead tbh

sansa being a better strategist, ruler, negotiator, and peacekeeper than both of her parents combined, is my weakness tbh

also He R  aRmOuR drESs !!!!! what a LOOK! 

d: “what does the warden of the north say about it?” j: [has dissociated solidly through the past six hours, is only now just realising it’s daylight and he’s in the great hall] uhhhhhhhhhhhh cool i guess?

tyrion finally breathing after daenerys lets jaime live is ridiculously endearing, i love the brothers’ relationship so much

baeworm death-glaring jaime is also ridiculously endearing tbh

i dig the gendarya love theme, i do i do i do

everyone keeps saying that the fact they had sex means one of them will die next ep but honestly? out of all the non jonerys pairings (missandei/greyworm, sam/gilly, jaime/brienne) i think they’re most likely to live through the battle, and the fact they have their own theme makes me doubt as well that they’ll end next episode

that poor guy who got in the way of arya and gendry’s dragonglass throwing foreplay, so close yikes

i can’t believe that out of everyone who bran has been weird to, jaime was the one to take his weird shit best

“how do you know there is an afterwards?”           sd;kjlas

djkasljdak;lsd

                        asjd;lsakdla;sd

        bran

                               bran stop

   please be fuckin w us bran

this brotherly love scene is great and it hurts me to think it might be their last solo scene

although the way they keep talking about how sure they are they’ll die....idk? and with bronn on the way with his crossbow? to have both, or either, die at winterfell with the battle seems a waste. plus, one of them needs to be the valonqar so?

i’d be satisfied seeing a dead tyrion rip cersei apart though, i’ll admit that

JAIME GAZING AT BRIENNE INSTEAD OF LISTENING TO HIS BROTHER

pod has come so far in his fighting i love him so much i love brienne’s proud mama expression hes. he’s 100% going to die. for sure. 

“we have never had a conversation that’s lasted this long without you insulting me, not once” KJASDKLASJDKALSJDALKSD 

“i came to winterfell because...” Y OU LOVE HER DUMBASS

i still ship jorah with dany more than jon, fight me

i love the confirmation that all the bad blood between them is under the bridge, i love that he convinced her to make peace with tyrion and sansa, i love that he’s made peace with tyrion taking up his position, made peace with his house, with his relationship with his father...........

he’s absolutely toast and i hate it.

he’s going to die for dany with one last “khaleesi” and it’s going to break my heart

“we have other things in common” yeah you both have jon in your immediate family trees lmao

i’m confused by the “someone taller” comment, who’s she talking about? everyone else hurt her or betrayed her at some point. is it barristan? is it baeworm? it should be baeworm

ok so. i don’t need or want sansa to end up with anyone. 

that said

if it had to be a man

my heart almost jumped out of my chest when she and theon hugged, i didn’t expect her to get this emotional at all, shit i didn’t expect MYSELF to get this emotional

HER TEARS

THEY BOTH NEED HUGS IM GLAD THEY GET HUGS

soup dad can’t die i forbid it

let’s talk about gilly for a second, how far she’s come, from a scared abused girl to a strong, caring, confident woman and mother, i’m so emotional please protect her

DAVOS ADOPTING CHILDREN LEFT RIGHT AND CENTRE

THE SHIREEN THEME PLAYING OVER THAT BIT IM ASJDKASDJ

i’m super surprised edd and beric survived the hearth, i thought there would be more of a fight there

LITTLE CROW

i know people crack ship them, but like, they’d almost be better suited than jon and daenerys

while i adore the idea of theon making amends for taking winterfell from bran by defending winterfell and protecting bran from the night king, i know in my heart that all it’s going to result in is a very dead theon (and probably a dead bran)

why do i feel like while well intentioned, having dragons near the godswood is.....a mistake

i’d love for bran and tyrion to both survive, i’d love to see them talk more as equals because they’re so similar intellectually (i know they had scenes when bran was a kid, but that doesn’t count)

missandei and greyworm are too good and pure for this earth, i want them to leave, i want them to go to naath and never come back, i want them to find a little house by the water and eat fruits and find missandei’s family and take in some stray children, some street cats to lay lazily on the stones of their porch, maybe missandei teaches the children of their village every morning under the rising sun, maybe greyworm becomes a tradesman, makes shoes or ale or binds books for the locals, they grow old and content together and the children they took into their home, now grown adults with their own children, bury them side by side underneath carved stones, i want them more than almost anyone to have a happy ever after because if anyone deserves it it’s those two

but there are dreams that cannot be

and greyworm is almost certain to die next episode

maybe missandei too, but i’m not sure

until then, i will live in my fantasy.

i love my nights watch boys, i love that they talk about grenn and pyp, i miss those lads

sam being the playful, banter-full, confident guy he is, i love him so much i’m so happy for him he better fucking survive (and maybe become lord of horn hill who knows? he has a wife and a son so ? 

honestly the idea of tywin knowing jaime and tyrion are defending winterfell is so wonderful

ha ha h ah ah  ah h a i love tyrion and jaime so much that i. i forget. temporarily. about tyrion’s first wife

brienne stopping pod from drinking and then tyrion just.......fuckin pouring a large one out for the lad

please, let him drink, it’ll be his last

davos is such an old man i love him

jaime looking between brienne and tormund with amusement is the best thing ever

davos’ concern over ten year old tormund hopping into bed with a giant is incredible. dad mode. always on dad mode.

hound’s not gonna die yet, not until cleganebowl, he’s safe next ep for sure. so he’s allowed to be a grumpy old git for a bit

beric is straight up gonna die tho

“might as well be at a bloody wedding” g o d i dont like that foreshadowing

beric is so cheery and amicable im gonna miss him

i’m so glad that they gave arya agency, and a sweet, un-sexploited, in-character sex scene, there’s so few really good sex scenes in this show and i’m glad she got one of them

(no matter how long i spent the first time around watching through my fingers and cringing, i KNOW she’s an adult and maisie is an adult but god she’s still such a kid in my eyes)

as soon as the gloves started coming off i screamed

he is a sweet sweet boy and i wouldn’t want my murdering badass fave to be with anyone else

i appreciate them showing her scars as part of it, i can’t quite put my finger on why but it was nice to see that

i feel like once i get over the weirdness of like, “hey that’s arya”, it’s probably one of the hotter sex scenes in the series? just for passion and use of consent and stuff

i can’t even begin to elaborate on how perfect brienne’s scene is

it’s immediately one of my favourite scenes in the whole show, i honestly don’t have the words

it’s better than any marriage vows that have been taken in the whole series, and to see brienne proud and happy is just...incredible.

the mormont scene i wanted!!!

this is such a touching scene between two of my faves, i want jorah and sam to be pals forever but i know its just....not happening

the fact that sam starts in the crypt but i know he ends up on the battlefield is....concerning to say the least

god. that song. that song is everything

im too in my feelings to care about jonerys, sorry

i can genuinely believe that jon loves her, and doesn’t care about the iron throne or any titles really for that matter. but the other way around? i’m not so sure.

ok so my survival list: dany, jon, sansa, tyrion

everyone else is at risk please pray for me

oh also i bought the download of Jenny and already cried to it three times this evening, so the credits are making it a round four

[the-gayest-tree-you-ever-did-see]

i don’t know much about indian politics, but knowing that modi is far right, promotes religious secularism and is/was trying to become a dictator (wanting to cancel term limits on being a prime minister) tells me all i need to know. like he refused to enforce curfew or any lockdown rules in the second wave after multiple people had told him to do so! he could’ve prevented this so easily and get chose to do nothing. anyway he pisses me the fuck off.

(also i love how you say first class or like seventh class instead of grades!)

the sweaty from laughing to hard is so accurate. istg they do nothing at every event. i get the acting different cause your from the us part. i pretty much grew up here since i was a baby, so it took me longer to notice. they tend to be a bit more polite maybe cause they could get an iphone or something lol. (also i’m pretty young so i can’t give them any gossip or dirt about myself).

having a gender fluid character in a book that a lot of children will read is so incredible! i would probably have to re read the whole series cause i forgot most of the pot line, but it’s on my tbr list. also wtf Aru Shah has queer rep?!! wait, I have to look this up..

okay i’m back and there’s a wlw ship (hira and brynne) so now i have to read it! ahhhhh that literally just made my day :))

rick grew so much as a writer too and his writing style was so much better in hoo compared to tlo. so, yes i am also proud of that 57 year old.

literally me reading any book or watching a tv show. as soon as i see a queer character, i stop giving a shit about the others. and it was only until like last year when i realized that cis het people don’t do that...oops

i’ve only read the first book of red scrolls of magic and even though the plot was a bit weak, malec made up for it! also i liked alec a lot better in that book. i should get around to finishing it!

ahhh me too! my favorite line was the one in the trailer about the enemies (can’t translate either lmao) and also the court scene.

.... *dramatic pause*... i do <3

also i now realize that this means my full name is indiphannon (a dramatic step up form phindian, cause then i would have to sign these off as phindi and a respectful ew to that)

...but if you’re treeman... i’ll be your indiphannon (gross <3)

ilysm,

- indi <3

💍 (here’s your wedding ring bitch)

no yeah, that about sums it up. like he can fuck himself, i hate him

(i normally say grades when im with americans but lately ive been saying class bc ive spent so much time with my family, i kind of like it better. its like including my heritage in Absolutely Everything)

ikr, theyre always waiting for me to let my guard down and let something slip. like one time i told them i got an 84 on something (the lowest score ive ever gotten on anything and i was pretty messed up about it) and they had a FIELD DAY. meanwhile my cousin was bringing home consistent C's on good days and no one gave a shit. they see me as an outsider a lot, which sucks bc if i dont belong there and i dont belong here, then where do i belong? on tumblr i guess

no but actually, seeing alex legitimately made me question my gender identity and allowed me to feel comfortable with that, so i love having them in such a normalized way. and yes! aru shah does have queer rep!

brynne is the telugu character i was talking about, she literally amazing. shes established as canonically bi i think in the first book she's in, and when hira is introduced she simps for her, but they arent together yet :( although the fifth book is coming, so perhaps?

actually though, going back and reading lightning thief after tower of nero, hes grown so much as a writer and as a person, its so amazing to think ive lived through it all :') so proud of my 57 year old son finally growing up

exactly, its like queer? queer?? ME queer! they queer? they queer!! QUEEEEER!!! and no, cishet ppl dont do that, shoutout to 9 year old me being the greatest and most involved ally to ever live lmao

yeah, red scrolls of magic was a bit weak, but lost book of the white is a bit stronger, so its all good. honest to the gods believe cassie just wrote herself fanfiction and accidentally showed her agent, theres no other explanation for it. and yeah, alec has grown a lot since we first met him, i hope we keep seeing him bc hes amazing, and the relationship they had is not only great queer rep, but also amazing relationship rep as well? like they have such a good relationship even though theyve been through so much, proving that communication is key. theyre like the dnp of the shadowhunter world.

omh yesss, when she was like "oh just give them the bail" and they were like ??? well if she says so as a joke, PEAK comedy

*wait anxiously*... !! i do too <3

lmao, disrespectful blech from me, that was not my finest moment. indiphannon is much better <3

maybe GAY GAY HOMOSEXUAL GAY can be our always <3

ily tooooo <3

*chucks your engagement ring at you* i prOPOSED FIRST (cant believe this is our first domestic 😥)