#the light brown one is also old. i was going through a lot of art style changes back then okay????

[furbyeggs]

the creatures

[harmoonix]

✴ꪻꫝꫀ ꪀꪮ᥅ꪻꫝ ᦓꪻꪖ᥅✴

(Astrology Notes)

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🌟 - Aries/Capricorn/Libra/Cancer in big 6 (Sun, Moon, Rising, Venus, Mercury, Mars) = Cardinal energy they bring to beginnings, changes, create new foundations and balances the world

🌟 - Taurus/Leo/Scorpio/Aquarius in big 6 Sun, Moon, Rising, Venus, Mercury, Mars) = Fixed energy, they make it to happen, action, inovation, hardworking, complexity

🌟 - Gemini/Virgo/Sagittarius/Pisces in big 6 Sun, Moon, Rising, Venus, Mercury, Mars) = Mutable energy, they bring the endings, flexible, adaptable, chameloens of the zodiac, old and wise

🌟 - Moon in Gemini Degrees 3°, 15°, 27° really know how to express themselves, they talk so smoothly and with ease, very intelligent as well

🌟Venus in Cancer/Venus in the 4th house loves to give hugs. This is something they adore to do, giving hugs and receiving hugs is like a love sign for them

🌟Sagittarius/Gemini Venus may have multiple love signs because they can't stand to only one loving thing to show their love for their partners

🌟The Degrees you have on your IC can show how you may like to decorate your home

Leo Degrees (5°, 17°, 29°) = Definitely a lot of lights, maybe neon signs aswell, golden hour aesthetics, beige/yellow colors

Scorpio Degrees (8°, 20°) = I see them following the traditional vibes maybe with brown/black/white and even gray, maybe vintage style, dreamcatchers, posters with their favorite singers/celebrities etc

Pisces Degrees (12°, 24°) = Turquoise/Green/Emerald colors, they may have or love tank fish, aquariums, comfortable bed, maybe neon star stickers/moon neon stickers who shine in the dark

Libra/Taurus Degrees (2°, 7°, 14°, 19°, 26°) = White/Pink maybe even purple, flowers/butterfly stickers, maybe quotes stickers, always making sure their room smells good

Virgo Degrees (6°, 18°) = Beige/Gray/Yellow and light brown colors, definitely a lot of photos with aesthete places/sun/forests/lakes maybe even with their friends

Aquarius Degrees (11°, 23°) = Definitely a lot of trendy things in their room, combined/mixed colors, a lot of selfies with them or their friends on walls, organized room, fresh, futuristic, a lot of neon lights

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🌟 - Venus in the 1st/5th/10th/11th and 12th house may like cinematography, the art of the movies, acting, theater etc

🌟 - Uranus aspecting the Sun have an electric beauty, they're very outgoing with their friends and love the way they are

🌟 - Jupiter in the 6th house is one of the luckiest placements to have if you want to improve yourself/your mental health and your work because it will extend those things and give you so many opportunities

🌟 - Chiron in the 1st house natives are so pretty when they'll realize that being insecure about themselves is nothing wrong and is time to start to like yourself because you are very beautiful!!

🌟 - Pluto trine/sextile North Node natives have a high chance to go through some sort of evolution and transformation in their life, mostly developing in childhood

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🌟 - Uranus/Neptune in the 9th house is a very spiritual placement, it makes the native to be more aware of themselves and to explore their curiosity for spirituality

🌟 - Mercury/Gemini/Virgo in the 10th house makes the native to have a powerful voice in the world, their voice can influence others, they are also very Intelligent and strategic

🌟 - Libra/Taurus and Pisces/Scorpio Moons can be attracted to architecture, they will definitely explore the place's style first

🌟 - Moon/Mercury/Venus in Fire Houses (1st, 5th, 9th) are fiercely passionately in love, they can share a beautiful love language, intense, a sharp tongue

🌟 - Moon in the 8th house is one of the most mysterious placements for the moon, the native is fully aware of the things happening in their life and their own evolution

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🌟 - Saturn in the 1st/6th and 12th house can have issues with being organized or keeping themselves healthy, sometimes they can get too tired aswell

🌟 - Asteroid Sirene (1009) in the 6th/12th house house are embodying the Sirene energy in their lives everyday, sometimes even without realizing. This energy is so dangerous yet so pure

🌟 - Asteroid Karma (408) in Libra or in the 7th house can indicate karmic relationships, and karmic partners (meeting partners with the same hobbies/interests/haibts as your exes ?? ya that's a sign)

🌟 - Asteroid Hebe (6) aspecting Venus indicates a young beauty no matter the age, your beauty still shines over the years just like in your Childhood

🌟 - Valentine asteroid (447) in the 6th/8th house have a unique love language, they're very sacrificial in their relationships

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🌟 - Valentine in aspects with Eros (433) makes the native to be erotic in their relationships, they seek for love/romance and want the same from their partners

🌟 - Moon in Air Signs can find themselves liking more music styles/listening to more than one genre, 1 song can be rock and the next one can be pop and so on..

🌟 - A fire Venus will love you with everything they have, fire is represented by passion and power, sometimes they can be too clingy

🌟 - Scorpio Venus/Venus in the 8th house can experience attracting people with the same toxic habits over and over, that's why you'll need standards

🌟 - 5th house ruled by Mercury/Jupiter or Moon will put the communication as an important key in their relationships, without communication you have nothing

🌟 - I can already tell Moon - Pluto aspects people hate endings, they don't like when things don't end (and is worse when they end on bad terms), because their mind keeps thinking about it

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🌟 - I have Uranus quintile Venus and that aspect makes me to be very tranquil about the relationships and the people I'm with. No rush with Uranus

🌟 - North Node aspecting the ascendant (minor aspects included) have the lessons to discover themselves, that's the theme for life. Don't listen to x, don't listen to y..only to yourself

🌟 - I can tell Sagittarius/Leo and Scorpio Mars men like to walk around the house naked 😭💀, always forgetting their damn clothes

🌟 - Mercury aspecting Mars talk really fast when they're mad like they be rapping in the same, I have a 10% chance to understand them taliing when these natives are into a angry mood

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🌟 - Pluto aspecting the south node can indicate being abused in a past life, or bullied. I remember reading about it was something about the finding your own power within yourself in this life time .

🌟 - Ascendant aspecting Venus are so so so likely to be crushed on, just because their energy/aura is so lovely and charming

🌟 - Cancer & Libra Placements mood changes based on the weather/season I swear they can be so depressed in the winter/fall and so happy in the summer/spring

🌟 - Capricorn Sun/Moon/Rising had to get mature from a young age that's why they got the thing with "being wise being sassy" because they work for what they got.

🌟 - This is really serious like 12th house placements really need to prioritize sleep a lot, guys sleeping is actually healing it isn't just going into bed and closing your eyes

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✨ Beautiful space post ✨

✨ I hope you all have a good day today full of light, love and good vibes ✨💅🏼💅🏼💅🏼

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[surielstea]

Shun the Light

Requested by @dee-writes-smut

Pairing: Helion x Fem!Reader

Summary: Helion has been attempting to get reader into his bed for years now, what happens when she finally gives in?

Warnings: smut | minors dni | fingering | p in v | creampie | controlled orgasm | dom/sub dynamics | so much banter | so much smut | they break a table | they do it on the floor | probably a lot more

A. Note: I think this is the longest fic I’ve ever posted so apologies for the wild word count, but also most of this is smut so you’re very welcome ;)

9.6k words.

Sitting in a large, worn leather chair positioned in a secluded corner of the library, I was half-hidden by towering shelves of books. The room was steeped in quiet, interrupted only by the occasional creak of the shelves under their heavy load or the soft turning of a page. The smell of old parchment mingled with the lingering scent of rich mahogany and leather—a sanctuary of knowledge and peace. And yet, even here, there was no escaping the High Lord.

"You've been avoiding me." Helion's voice cut through the tranquil silence with a casual grace, as he rounded one of the shelves that had been sheltering me. His amber eyes gleamed mischievously as he approached, a book tucked under his muscular arm. I highly doubted it was for actual reading.

"And you've been following me," I replied dryly, eyes fixed on my book. The words on the page blurred slightly, my pulse quickening from the mere presence of him.

"This is my personal library," he countered smoothly, leaning against the shelf, his broad frame casting a shadow over me. His proximity was a cage, yet the alcove still felt oddly cozy. "I'd say you're the one hoping to run into me." He gestured at the books surrounding us, a small portion of his vast collection, his smile all too knowing. "Besides, I happen to like reading."

The soft, golden light from a nearby lamp warmed the deep brown of his skin, making him look almost otherworldly as if carved from the light itself. I forced myself to stay calm, sinking deeper into the chair as I replied, "What book is that, then?" My chin jerked toward the novel he held so proudly, though I leaned back, attempting to appear indifferent.

With one of his signature smirks, Helion pulled the book from under his arm, holding it out like a grand reveal. "The Art of Seduction," he mused, his voice dripping with confidence.

"Subtle," I muttered, tossing him a glare before trying to lose myself in my own book again. The pages held nothing for me, not while Helion loomed over me with that look in his eyes. That ever-present challenge.

Unsurprisingly, he didn't leave. "Thought I could brush up on my skills, seeing as you seem so indifferent to my irresistible charm," he chimed, far too pleased with himself as he slid into the chair directly in front of mine, uninvited.

I narrowed my eyes, fighting back the heat rising in my cheeks. "Really? Out of every seat in this library, you choose that one?"

He shrugged, his casual air too relaxed for someone invading my space. "Well, you've stolen my usual one, so I must make do with lesser options." His lips twitched, eyes gleaming with amusement as he cracked open the book he clearly had no intention of reading, propping his feet up on the low table between us.

I stared, incredulous. "They're the same chair."

Helion gave a slow, almost imperceptible nod, his eyes flashing with humor. "True, but that one smells like me."

I froze for a moment, my fingers going still against the soft leather of the armrest. The faint, intoxicating scent of sandalwood and bergamot swirled around me, and I cursed inwardly. It was familiar, inescapable, and frustratingly warm, like the High Lord himself. My gaze flicked up to his, and for the first time, he seemed genuinely absorbed in his book, a small line forming between his brows as if the words were the most fascinating thing in the world.

I had to stifle a laugh at the sight. I wasn't sure he'd ever actually read a single page of his vast collection, yet there he was, looking like a scholar lost in study.

We fell into a comfortable silence—Helion reading, or pretending to read, and me half-heartedly flipping through my book, both of us mirroring each other, our feet propped up on the table in an unspoken truce. The moment felt oddly peaceful, and for a brief second, I allowed myself to enjoy it.

But, of course, it didn't last.

Only a few moments later, Helion shut his book with a soft thud, and I felt his foot nudge mine from across the table. I resisted the urge to respond, cursing his long limbs and moving my legs out of his reach, but he persisted—sending a glare of sunlight directly into my line of sight, making it nearly impossible to read.

"Would you stop that?" I snapped, lowering my book and glaring at him from beneath my brows. He only grinned, looking far too pleased with himself.

"What book is that?" he asked as if the answer mattered.

I sighed. "Some random one I found on the shelves." It wasn't exactly a lie, but it wasn't the truth, either.

"Sunshine," he drawled, his voice like velvet as he leaned forward slightly, "I've read every book in this library. That one, I'm not familiar with."

I ignored him, focusing back on my book, though I wasn't reading a single word. The heat from his gaze felt palpable, like sunlight warming my skin.

"What is it?" he pressed again, his voice dripping with faux curiosity. His fingers twitched, and I braced myself as yet another glare of sunlight angled right into my eyes.

"I'm not telling," I muttered, holding up my forearm to shield my face from the assault.

Helion chuckled softly. "I'm commanding you to tell me, as High Lord," he said, the playful light still dancing at his fingertips.

"Why do you care so much?" I grumbled, slamming my book shut with an exaggerated huff.

He leaned back, eyes never leaving mine. "I wish to know what could possibly be more interesting than me." His smirk widened as if the very thought was inconceivable.

I said nothing, my silence was the only answer I was willing to give.

"How about a bet?" he suggested, the gleam in his eyes unmistakable. "If I can make you smile in the next five minutes, you have to tell me what you're reading."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "And if you lose?"

Helion's smirk softened into something more sincere. "I'll leave you alone for the rest of the night."

A tempting offer. I considered it for a moment, imagining a night of uninterrupted reading, free from his constant prattling.

"Deal. Five minutes," I said, returning to my book.

For a while, Helion was silent, the ticking clock in my mind counting down the seconds. But knowing him, he probably believed he didn't need the full-time—that one well-timed sentence would be enough.

"You look adorable with your nose stuffed in a book," he murmured, breaking the silence. His voice was softer now, more intimate, like a confession shared in the quiet of a night.

I rolled my eyes. "That's usually what people do in a library."

Helion's smile widened. "And yet, I find myself much more interested in studying you."

"Why don't you leave me alone and go read your book? Maybe you'll learn how to actually charm me," I shot back, trying to ignore the way his words made my pulse race.

"I could recite poetry and still fall short," he sighed dramatically as if I truly had him beat.

Despite myself, a smile tugged at my lips at the absurdity of it all.

"There it is," he marveled, his voice a soft victory.

My fleeting smile turned into a scowl. "That doesn't count. I was smiling at the thought of you leaving me alone."

Helion laughed. "A smile is a smile." He extended his hand, eyes glinting. "So, show me the book."

I look down to the page I was on—to the very erotic scene playing out that I hadn't even realized was happening, too busy pretending to read when he was talking to me to even realize.

"I—no," I murmur, slamming my book shut.

"We had a deal, so unless you want to have permanent bargain tattoos with me, I suggest you hand it over." He quipped and I frowned at the idea of something so permanent on my body being associated with him.

"Fine," I grumble, holding the book out to him with a string of grumbled curses. He takes the book, his fingers brushing over mine—the touch shooting rays of warmth up my arm. I shake it off and settle back into my chair which smelt so strongly of him.

Helion crosses his ankle over his knee, reclining back in his chair with the casual confidence that seems permanently etched into his being. His long, golden fingers lazily flip over my book, turning it to read the back. I watch as his brow arches and the corner of his mouth tugs upward.

"Reading about me, are we?" His voice breaks the silence, low and teasing, pulling my attention from my own thoughts. His gaze flickers up to mine, gleaming with amusement.

My head tilts in confusion, a frown forming. "It's not about you. How self-centered can you possibly get?" I scoff, reaching for the book with a frustrated hand, but he pulls it just out of reach with an effortless motion.

"A king falling for his emissary?" he continues, ignoring my protest. His fingers tap against the page in emphasis. "Sounds familiar, no?"

His eyes, molten gold in the dim library light, lock with mine, a teasing smile dancing on his lips. My pulse quickens, not from the question itself, but from the look on his face—the playful way he studies me like I'm a puzzle to be solved.

"My book, Helion," I demand, extending my arm towards him, though it feels like a futile gesture. He watches me closely, a cat toying with its prey.

"In a moment." He waves off my request with a casual flick of his hand, settling deeper into the oversized chair that barely manages to hold his broad frame. He opens the book, his eyes landing right on the page marked by my ribbon. My heart stutters in my chest. No, no, no. He's going to read that part. I freeze, eyes wide as I watch his expression for any sign of disgust or, worse, judgment.

But there's nothing. His lips curl into a slow smile, amusement dancing in his gaze. "This is far better than I could have ever imagined," he purrs, a wicked light entering his eyes as he lets the book fall closed and tosses it onto the table between us, entirely unbothered.

"I'm doing a book club with the Valkyries. It wasn't my first choice," I mumble quickly, snatching the book back from the table. My fingers are trembling slightly, and I hope he doesn't notice. The truth is, I was mortified.

Helion, of course, doesn't seem fazed by my embarrassment. "No need to defend yourself. Although," he leans back with a leisurely stretch, his muscles rippling beneath his tunic, "I have an entire shelf of erotica in the back that's much better written. And doesn't use words like 'velvet-wrapped steel.'"

Heat floods my cheeks, a fierce blush creeping up my neck. "Shouldn't you be doing High Lord stuff?" I grumble, trying to deflect, my mortification reaching new heights. "Not pestering me?"

"My court is asleep." He shrugs as if the affairs of his court are a mere inconvenience. "Nothing happens in the Day Court after the sun goes down." He huffs like it's a travesty, though there's a gleam in his eye suggesting he prefers it that way. "Well, nothing for the public eye anyway," he adds with a sultry grin, his eyes darkening, his voice dripping with innuendo.

I roll my eyes, refusing to give him the satisfaction of a reaction. "You still have land to rule. People to govern. They don't disappear just because they're asleep." I remind him, though I can't help but let my gaze flicker to the strong line of his jaw, the way his dimples deepen when he smiles.

"Delegation, my dear," he responds, his tone infuriatingly smug. "The key to any successful leader."

"If only you could delegate your need for constant attention," I shoot back, offering a sweet smile that hides my annoyance.

His shoulders slump in an exaggerated show of disappointment, his hand dramatically pressed to his chest. "Well, that just wouldn't work. There's only one person I want attention from."

The weight of his words hangs in the air, the meaning unmistakable. My heart skips a beat, my pulse fluttering in my throat as I force myself to remain calm. I can feel his gaze roaming over me like he's waiting for me to react. My eyes flick over his form, all lean muscle and rich, sun-kissed skin that practically glows in the warm library light. Everything about him radiates confidence—dangerous, seductive confidence.

"And I'm sure she's flattered," I say dryly, snapping my gaze away from his broad chest. "Too bad she's not here to distract you." I shift in my seat, trying to appear unbothered by the way his eyes are lingering on me, though I feel the heat rising in my cheeks.

Helion tilts his head, watching me with that same predatory amusement, as though he's enjoying a game only he knows the rules to. His forearms rest on his spread thighs, and gods, those thighs. I can't help but glance, at his muscles thick and defined. His deep chuckle pulls my attention back to his face.

"Oh, she's here," he muses, his voice dropping lower, rougher. "She just needs to stop pretending I'm not the most interesting thing in this library."

I open my mouth to respond, to shoot back some biting retort, but I'm momentarily speechless, my heart beating a little too fast. Instead, I huff and bury my nose in the book, determined to ignore him. It's unprofessional. He's the High Lord. And I'm his emissary. Even entertaining the idea of his flirting is toeing a dangerous line. Besides, I know Helion's reputation. I'm not interested in being just another conquest, no matter how much he seems to enjoy teasing me.

But gods, he makes it difficult.

"Stop glaring at that book." His voice breaks into my thoughts again, his tone laced with amusement. "Either you're about to throw it into a fire, or you're thinking about something else entirely."

I glance up at him, eyes narrowing. "I'm thinking about how much quieter it would be in here without you."

"This is a library, you know?" I add, flipping a page in a show of indifference.

"Yes, but this library is only open to the public during the daytime. Except for those permitted access." He reclines even further, his fingers interlacing behind his head as he watches me, that maddening grin still plastered on his face.

"And if someone with clearance is in here with you, disrupting their quiet?" I tilt my head at him, matching his smug expression.

He mirrors the movement. "Everyone with clearance is already here. Not even the librarians can come in after hours."

I blink, my mind catching up with his words. And then it hits me. "I'm the only one with permission, aren't I?" My voice comes out soft, the realization settling in.

"Took you long enough," he grins, his eyes twinkling in the candlelight.

"And how many women did this trick work on?" I grumble, my suspicion growing, even as my pulse quickens under his gaze.

"Just you," he says, and for once, the cocky smile falters into something more sincere.

I snort in disbelief. "It hasn't worked yet," I retort, though my voice sounds weaker than I'd like.

"Yet?" He arches a brow, his gaze flickering over me, daring me to challenge him.

My lips press into a thin line, and I bury myself back in my book, hiding behind the pages. "Go away, Helion." My voice comes out more of a plea than an order, and I curse myself for how breathless it sounds.

"I don't want you to miss me." His tone is snarky, yet something told me he genuinely believed what he was saying. I force myself not to look at him, to not fall for whatever game he's playing.

"Nonsense," I murmur, my cheeks burning. "I'd be too busy enjoying the peace."

Helion sighs dramatically, though there's a glimmer of laughter in his voice. "I'm not sure you're capable of quiet when I'm around. You always have something to say."

He's right, of course, and that's what infuriates me the most. No matter how much I want to ignore him, I can't. There's something about him that pulls the words right out of me.

"It's called defending myself from your constant attempts at flirting," I snap, though I don't dare look up, knowing he's probably biting back another smile.

"And here I was thinking we were bonding." His voice drops, laced with a dark, rich amusement. I glance up just in time to see him run a hand down his thigh, slow and deliberate, as though daring me to watch.

"This is what you call bonding?" I shift uncomfortably in my seat, the tension in the air almost unbearable. "I call it you trying—and failing—to charm me."

"Oh please," he laughs softly, his smile widening. "You've been charmed by me since the day we met. Don't think I haven't noticed the looks you've been sneaking all night."

His words land like a punch to the gut, and I flush, my cheeks heating in embarrassment. I can't tell if I'm mortified because he caught me or because I was staring at all.

"You think too highly of yourself," I mutter, sinking deeper into the chair as if it could swallow me whole. I refuse to give him the satisfaction of seeing how flustered I am.

Helion only leans closer, his voice softening, turning almost serious. "You're the only one who thinks too lowly of me."

The sudden shift in his tone catches me off guard, and for the first time tonight, I meet his gaze fully. There's no teasing, no playful glint. Just him, watching me with an intensity that steals the air from my lungs.

I truly tried to focus on what I was reading, but his lingering gaze on me was going to drive me wild. Somehow that stare spoke louder than any words he could've said. He was offering me the silence I wanted, while simultaneously pushing me to insanity. Surely I couldn't get mad at him for simply observing? Yet here I was, nearly fuming at the way he tracked each of my movements.

Eventually, I grow sick of his ogling, so I snap my book closed and turn to him with narrowed eyes. Stop looking at me like that," I order, pushing myself up from the chair that had all but swallowed me. It's identical to the one Helion has turned into his makeshift throne, yet somehow, he manages to own his space with ease.

"Like what?" He rises with me, and I have to crane my neck just to maintain eye contact. Even that, the way I have to look up at him, feels like some small concession.

I stare at him, his features softened by the glow of the candlelight. His usual smirk is nowhere to be seen, and his golden eyes hold no trace of the lust or amusement I've come to expect from him. Instead, they're filled with something even more dangerous—reverence. He looks at me like I'm more than just a passing amusement, more than just a fleeting fancy. Like I'm something precious.

"Like I'm more than just a game to you," I shake my head, tearing my gaze away. The weight of his stare is too much. I toss the book in my hands onto the coffee table with more force than necessary and stride past him, desperate to escape the suffocating tension of our little alcove. I don't trust myself to stay there, not with him looking at me like that.

"You think this is a game?" His voice follows me as I make my way through the dim, quiet library. It's empty, save for the two of us, but somehow, his presence alone fills every corner.

"Isn't it?" I shoot back, unwilling to turn and face him. The memory of his gaze burns too fresh in my mind. "Your reputation for women precedes you, Helion." The words slip out harsher than I intended. It's a low blow, bringing up his past like this, but I need him to understand why I can't—why I shouldn't.

I expect him to brush it off, but instead, he's beside me in a flash, walking in step as though he belongs at my side. "You think I would chase after a female for three years just for sex?" His voice is surprisingly calm, but there's a thread of frustration woven into it. "I've been rejected before, and I always respect it."

I stop in my tracks, staring up at him with creased brows. "Then what makes me so different?" I ask, my voice barely above a whisper. It's a question I've been avoiding for months, maybe longer. Because deep down, I'm afraid of the answer. I'm afraid of what it might mean—for both of us.

Helion doesn't hesitate. "Because you feel it too." He steps closer, his movements slow, deliberate. The air between us crackles with unspoken tension, and yet I don't move. "This thing between us, you delight in it just as much as I do."

He takes another step forward, closing the distance, and my back hits the bookshelf behind me. Trapped, my breath hitches, but I refuse to show any sign of retreat.

"I'm not going to be another girl you charm for a night and forget by morning," I whisper, my voice barely holding steady. It's a quiet confession, more to myself than to him.

Helion's hand comes up to cup my jaw, his thumb brushing over my cheek with an unbearable tenderness. "I wouldn't forget you," he murmurs, shaking his head as if the very idea is absurd.

The proximity is overwhelming now. His warmth radiates off him, pulling me in, and my resolve—what little remains—begins to crumble. My body betrays me, my hands itching to touch him, to feel the strength in the muscles I've tried not to think about for so long.

"Helion,” I murmur, his name a warning, or maybe a plea. I don't even know anymore.

His gaze drops to my lips, his thumb never stopping its gentle, maddening caress. "Tell me, what keeps you from me?" he asks softly, his breath mingling with mine.

My throat tightens, and I remind myself of all the reasons this is a terrible idea. "I would hate myself if I became another one of your conquests." The words come out softer than I intend, laced with the fear I've been trying so hard to suppress.

But Helion doesn't back away. He doesn't laugh or brush it off. Instead, he leans in closer, his voice low and rough. "You're not. And even if you were—with the amount of time I've had to think about you, it'd take months to cross everything I want to do to you off the list." His lips ghost over mine, the barest hint of a touch that sets my skin ablaze.

"Helion," I repeat, the name a broken caution.

"Tell me to stop, I will." He promises, his voice raw with need. He inches closer, only a hairsbreadth away. "Tell me." He whispers, lips ghosting over mine.

I didn't have it in myself to tell him to stop, to even push him away. I wanted this, needed this. I surged upwards and closed the distance between us.

For three years he had been taunting me, teasing me with pretty words and suggestive smiles, and now I was finally giving him what he wanted—and what I have secretly been wanting far longer than he suspects, and it was everything I could've hoped for.

My back pressed harder into the shelf behind me as his chest met mine, while his hands, warm and firm wrapped around my hips, drawing me closer until there was no space between us. My body betrayed my mind, my thoughts warning me to stop, to end this before it was too late, but my hands were running down his muscles chest I've been craving to feel for years, my fingers curling into the fabric of his tunic and pulling him into me, deepening our kiss.

Every touch sent sparks skittering across my skin, and for a moment I allowed myself to drown in him, in the heat of him, his scent, the way he kissed me like he might never get the chance again.

His hands traveled from my hips, beneath my shirt to grip my waist—and the feel of his calloused hands on my bare skin was enough to send me reeling. The kiss grew more frantic, more desperate. His skilled tongue explored every possible inch of my mouth, and I allowed it, reveling in the way he so eagerly tasted me.

When I finally pulled away, breaking our kiss, our breaths coming in ragged gasps I stared up into his dilated pupils, the playful spark I was used to seeing there replaced by something deeper, something that sent both a jolt of fear and excitement through me. He was staring down at me like I was the only thing in the room—hel, like I was the only thing that mattered.

He leans closer, placing an all-too-gentle kiss on the expanse just below my ear. "Helion," I echoed, my fists still clenching his shirt.

"Yeah?" He uttered, his breath hot against my skin as he slowly trailed his lips down my jaw.

"We shouldn't, we can't," I sigh breathlessly, my hand weaving into his hair, tilting my head, allowing him to deepen his kiss.

"Who said?" He murmurs into my skin.

"It isn't professional," I say between breaths, my pulse rapidly fluttering, his tongue flicking over it playfully.

"Do you want to stop?" He asked, pulling away to look me in the eyes and the loss of his contact made something inside me ache.

"I—no, gods no," I profess, my hands wrapping around the back of his neck.

"Then I don't care if it's professional, let me give you what you need," He whispered, his lips brushing mine. "Alright?"

I don't reply, and instead crash his lips onto mine once more, the rest of my defenses crumbling at the action. The kiss was hungrier this time, more demanding. I gave in fully as his tongue found its way into my mouth yet again, my chest arching into his as his hands slipped down to cup the back of my thighs, tapping me twice as a silent command to jump. I did exactly as he wished, wrapping my legs around his torso as he supported me, his touch traveled higher to cradle me by the curve of my ass. He smiled into the kiss, even in the heat of the moment his cocky grin manages to make an appearance.

He pushes off the shelf, blindly guiding us through the shelves and to the center of the empty library, where tables fill the area. He placed me down on the edge of the center table, his hands leaving my backside in favor of exploring new, untouched areas. Heat races through my veins as his hands trailed to the hem of my skirt, slipping beneath it without hesitation, his thumb grazing against the seam of my panties.

"Wait," I pant against his lips and his hand freezes. "Not here," I murmured, pecking his lips softly.

"It's just us in here, remember?" He reassured me when I pulled away, kissing my forehead. "Just us." His lips brush against my skin as he repeats the words and I can feel my resolve slipping. There was no more room for doubt, no more room for fear. All that existed was an overwhelming need to have him, to feel him in every way possible, to lose myself entirely in him until I didn't know where he ended and where I began.

"Just us," I echo, nodding slowly.

"We can stop," He said, despite how clearly he wanted this and was desperate for this.

"No, Helion don't stop," I connect our lips once more, allowing my legs to fall open farther, inviting him.

He forced himself to pull away, to restrain himself from me for just a moment longer. "You're okay with this, then?" He rasped, eyes pure gold.

"Yes," I answered. "Gods, yes." I pulled him into me, his hips meeting mine. His grin turned almost wolfish, primal as he tore through my skirt like it was nothing, discarding the fabric. He pulled me to the very edge of the table, his hands rubbing higher up my thighs, tracing the seam of my panties. I gasped as he pressed two fingers onto my clothed folds, just the right amount of pressure, not enough to get any real gratification from—but gods it still felt good. He smirks against my lips as he feels the damp spot forming on the cloth and I flush in embarrassment.

"I haven't even touched you," He noted aloud, deepening my blush. "Tell me, baby, were you this wet when I was simply talking to you?" He utters between kisses and I fight the urge to sneer at him.

"Do you ever shut up?" I ask, my question genuine. He responds with a searing kiss, which did in fact quiet him.

He couldn't control himself any longer, not with my hands roaming his back, my lips on his. He tore through my undergarments in a similar fashion to my skirt, tossing the wet fabric somewhere unimportant to me. He pulled back from our kiss, and I tugged at his bottom lip to stop him from leaving but he ignored my silent complaint, only to peer down at the apex of my thighs.

He grunted at the sight, his forehead meeting mine as he swiped two fingers through my embarrassingly wet core, his fingers coming back dripping. I throbbed for more, letting out a quiet moan as his thumb came down onto my clit, my head tilted back in ecstasy as he began circling it, his skillful touch setting my skin on fire as his middle finger traced my dripping entrance. I bucked slightly, leaning on my hands behind me as I lifted my hips for more friction.

He chuckled breathlessly, the sound humiliating, while simultaneously making me crave him so much more.

He didn't make me wait long before his own restraint snapped, letting go of that leash he had been gripping so tightly and pushing two of his fingers inside of me.

I moaned at the stretch, louder this time, relishing in the way his calloused fingers scraped against my walls, fitting me around him so perfectly.

He grunted at the sound of my moans, his pace unrelenting as his fingers thrust into me repeatedly, deep and slow. The pressure building inside me had my legs trembling as I spread them wider for him, silently begging for more.

"That's it," he rasped into my open mouth, his voice hoarse with desire. "Doing so well for me." His words were like kindling to the fire already raging in my core, my entire body aching for release. I could barely find the breath to respond, only able to whimper his name.

I bit my lip as he curled his fingers inside me, hitting that sweet spot that had me seeing stars. My eyes squeezed shut, my chest rising and falling with ragged breaths as I tried to hold on, trying not to fall apart too soon, but he didn't seem to like that idea.

His other hand moved up my body, pulling the fabric of my shirt open to expose my breasts. He skillfully unclasped my bra, disposing of it just as he did with the rest of my clothes, leaving me entirely bare. He wasted no time in leaning down and capturing one of my peaked nipples between his teeth. The added sensation had my whole body jerking forward, my fingers tangling in his hair as I gasped.

"Yeah? You like that?" he muttered against my skin, the vibration of his voice sending shivers down my spine. I nodded frantically, unable to form words, as his fingers pumped into me with precision, his thumb pressing down on my clit, moving in tight circles that had me trembling on the edge of oblivion.

I was so close, so damn close, but I didn't want it to end just yet. I tugged on his hair, trying to pull him away from my breast, but he didn't budge. If anything, he seemed encouraged by the way my body was reacting to him, his fingers moving faster, his tongue flicking over my nipple with maddening strokes.

"Gods," I moaned, my head tilting back towards the vaulted ceiling, towards the sky and everything beyond, praying for relief, for that sweet, euphoric high. "Helion—m'close," I confess through a whimper, feeling my body reach its ascent.

"You going to beg for it?" He purred, pulling away from my breast, peering up at me.

"What?" I utter, too lost in my pleasure to even wrap my head around the thought.

"Beg for it." He repeats. "Beg for me to let you come." He reiterates, his voice low, sultry. My arousal increases, I must've been dripping into his hand.

"I'm not—fuck," I hiss as he curves his fingers into that sensitive spot, but not enough pressure to push me over the edge, he was toying with me. "Not g'na beg," I murmur, my body betraying me by trembling under his touch.

"No? Still not ready to admit how needy you are for me?" He tutted, seeming almost disappointed. The tone was degrading in itself, enough to send me reeling—but then his fingers were pulling out of me and he had no intention of thrusting them back in.

I gasped, my resolve shattering as I bucked my hips up desperately. "No—no please," I give in, my body aching for him to fill me again. "Helion, please—"

I stare through low-lidded eyes as a smile slowly spreads across his sensuous lips. "Please what? Tell me what you want."

"Wanna come, please I've needed this for so long," My breath hitched, it was hard to dig the words I've kept buried so deep back up, to confess them not only to him but to myself as well. "I've needed you, for so long."

He leans closer, pecking my lips softly, in such a tender way it made me forget about everything else, about what the court might think, about my fear of being just another game to him. It was only us, connected in every way possible.

"There she is," He pulled back from my lips. "That wasn't so hard, now was it?" He teased between kisses.

"Helion, please, can I?" I whine, the sound so pitiful I barely recognize it as my own.

"Go ahead love, come on my hand." He rasped, and just like that, the world shattered around me. My orgasm tore through me like a storm, my body shaking as wave after wave of pleasure crashed over me. I cried out his name, my hands gripping his shoulders, nails digging into the corded muscle there as he coaxed me through every second of it, his fingers never stopping, pushing me higher, deeper into bliss.

When I finally came down, my body limp and trembling, he pulled his fingers from me, his eyes dark with lust as he brought them to his lips. He licked them clean, tasting me with a low, satisfied groan that sent another pulse of heat through me.

"You taste better than I imagined," he murmured, his voice low and dangerous, making me shiver despite the warmth still radiating from my core.

But before I could catch my breath, he was already pulling off his clothes, his eyes locked on mine with a hunger that made my heart race all over again.

"You didn't think I was done with you, did you?" he asked, his grin returning as he tugged his pants down, his hardened cock springing free. My eyes widened at the sight, and for a second I debated if he'd even fit.

"Now," he whispered, guiding me off the table so I could plant my feet solidly on the ground. His voice sent a thrill down my spine as he said, "Be a good girl and bend over the table f'me, yeah?"

I slowly turned my back to him, my legs shaky from the intense pleasure still coursing through me, his hands never left my body. They trailed down my sides, strong and possessive, igniting embers of anticipation in their wake. His touch alone had me quivering, but the look in his eyes—dark, feral—made my pulse quicken.

I bent over the table as instructed, the cool wood pressing against my flushed skin. The vulnerable position made my blood heat, but excitement flared deep inside me, mixing with the lingering ache of desire. His breath was hot against my ear as he leaned over me, his lips brushing the sensitive skin of my neck.

"That's it, baby," he purred, his fingers trailing teasingly down my spine before settling on my hips, pinning them in place. "So eager to please."

I could hear the sound of his breath hitching, and feel the tension in the air as he lined himself up behind me, his tip nudging at my entrance. I bit my lip, expectancy tightening my body.

He pushed forward slowly, torturously so, letting me feel every inch as he stretched me. A low, guttural groan escaped his lips, and my own whimper joined it, the sensation overwhelming, leaving no room for thought, only the feeling of him filling me completely.

"Fuck," he muttered under his breath, hands gripping my hips tighter. "So, so tight." His voice sent a wave of need through me, the table was too long for me to find any leverage, I was left stranded between the polished wood and his broad chest, unable to steady myself.

With an impatient, sharp snap of his hips, he pushed into me deeper, granting a gasp from my lips. The suddenness of it sent a shudder through me, pleasure curling through my body in response. He leaned over me again, his mouth grazing my ear. "You feel so good," he rasped, his voice a mixture of lust and satisfaction as he began to move, each thrust deep and slow, drawing out every bit of sensation until I was trembling beneath him.

I couldn't help the moans that slipped past my lips as he built a rhythm, each movement of his hips driving me higher, closer to the edge once again. My back bowed, pressing into his chest and deepening the angle of him, the sensation eliciting a noiseless scream from me.

His hands tightened on my hips, fingers digging into my skin as he pulled me back to meet each of his thrusts. Every movement was deliberate, slow but devastatingly deep, as though he wanted me to feel every inch of him, to memorize the way he stretched me, and filled me so completely. The pressure was maddening, making my body tremble beneath him, a delicious torment that left me teetering on the edge but not quite enough to tip over.

His pace quickened, the drag of him inside me was almost too much to bear, and yet not enough all at once. His hands were gripping me so tightly I was sure there would be bruises by morning, but the thought only made me hotter, the idea of his marks on me driving me wild.

The sound of skin meeting skin filled the air, each slap punctuated by our ragged breaths. My nails dug into the table's edge, desperate for something to anchor myself to, but every time I thought I could catch my breath, he would change the angle just slightly, hitting that spot deep inside me that sent white-hot pleasure shooting through my veins.

"You sound so perfect moaning my name," He murmured beside my ear. "So fucking perfect for me." His words sent a shiver down my spine, a molten heat spreading through my core. My body was caught in the rhythm he set, each thrust rocking me against the wood of the table, it creaked beneath us, but it was his ragged breaths and the low, guttural sounds he made that had my heart racing, my need climbing higher and higher.

He shifted his grip, one hand moving from my hip to slide up my spine, tracing a line of fire until it fisted into my hair, pulling my head back just enough for his lips to make contact with the most sensitive spot on my neck, sucking on the area hard. "I want to hear you," he demanded, voice low and rough against my throat. "I want to hear you fall apart for me."

I moaned loudly in response, the sound raw, desperate, as his hand tugged harder, pulling my back into a deeper arch. My entire body was taut, every nerve lit up under his command. His other hand slid around to my front, fingers finding the aching bundle of nerves between my legs, circling it with relentless precision.

The duel stimulation nearly broke me. My body jerked beneath him, every muscle tightening as I fought to hold back, but it was a losing battle. The pressure was building again, faster this time, harder, threatening to unravel me completely.

"That's it," he murmured, his fingers speeding up in sync with his thrusts. "I can feel you, baby. You're close, aren't you? So close to coming all over my cock."

I was. I was so desperate, I could hardly think, my mind a haze of nothing but him—his voice, his hands, his cock twitching inside me. My breaths came out in shallow gasps, each one forced from me by the sensation of his fingers working me toward the brink.

"Come for me," he commanded, his voice like gravel, rough and impatient. "Let go."

I shattered around him. My body tensed as the orgasm ripped through me, pleasure crashing down in waves so intense it left me trembling and breathless. I cried out, the sound broken and uninhibited, my walls clenching tightly around him as I came harder than I thought possible.

He groaned in response, feeling my pulse around him, his hips stuttering as he chased his own release. His thrusts grew erratic, rougher, until finally, with a deep, guttural moan, he followed me over the edge, spilling into me with a few last powerful thrusts that left us both gasping for breath.

For a moment, we stayed like that, bodies entwined, both of us panting and spent. His hands, once gripping me with unrelenting force, now softened, running soothingly over my hips and sides. He pressed a soft kiss to the back of my neck, and I shivered, still coming down from the high, my legs weak and trembling.

Ever so slowly he pulled out of me, his warm hands guiding me upright. I trembled, my arms shaking as I used them to hold myself up. I leaned against the table as I turned around to face him, my cheeks flushed with exertion, my entire body heated with stimulation.

"Feeling alright?" He asks, his voice so gentle in contrast to his earlier roughness. I nod slowly, gripping the edge of the table behind me for support.

He tucks a strand of hair behind my ear, nearly lovingly, then cups my cheek. I allow myself to lean into the touch, turning my head to place a soft kiss on his palm.

Something in his eyes changed then, something deeper than lust or need, and before I could stop myself I was wrapping my arms around the nape of his neck and slotting my mouth over his yet again.

My legs trembled as he kissed me, savored me so thoroughly like he'd never get sick of the taste. He noticed my unsteady stance and hoisted me back up onto the table, guiding me to lay down, sprawled for him.

The table creaked when he leaned on it and I grabbed his wrist, halting him. "The table won't hold both of us," I say breathlessly, especially not if he was going to push into me as rough as he was earlier.

"Then we'll move to the floor when it snaps." He smirks, crawling over me despite my warning, and I can't help but allow a feeling of excitement and arousal to flicker through me at the promise of his words.

He hovers over me, his hands beside my head as he hardens again, at just the sight of me, the thought of me bare beneath him, legs spread for his entrance. His sultry smirk widens as his tip brushes against my core. "Helion," I whimper, his name on my lips a prayer on its own. "Need you," I beg, my words no longer my own as eagerness for pleasure consumed me.

His gaze darkened, the hunger in his eyes sending a shiver down my spine. He lowered his mouth to my neck, his lips grazing my skin in a teasingly slow path. "Say it again," he murmured, voice hoarse with need, the warmth of his breath making my pulse race beneath him.

I swallowed, my hands gripping his biceps as my chest rose and fell in shallow, desperate breaths. "Please," I whispered, tilting my head to give him better access, my body trembling with anticipation. "Please, Helion. I need you."

A groan escaped his throat, primal and possessive. He didn't make me wait any longer. With one swift, powerful thrust, he pushed into me, the sound of my gasp mingling with his low growl as he filled me completely. The table creaked louder beneath us, and I could feel its instability, but I couldn't bring myself to care.

Helion moved with a steady, deep rhythm at first, his hips rolling as he gripped my waist with one hand, the other bracing himself beside my head. "You're perfect like this," he murmured, his breath hot against my ear. "Desperate and moaning my name."

I could only whine in response, the delicious friction building inside me, pushing me closer to the edge with every thrust. He quickened his pace, the intensity rising, and I arched into him, wrapping my legs around his hips, desperate for more of him, all of him. The tension coiled tighter within me, the sound of our bodies colliding and the ragged breaths filling the room.

"Helion," My voice was barely a whisper, swallowed by the pleasure that rippled through me. His name left my lips again in a breathy plea, barely heard below the splintering of the table, and with another powerful thrust, one leg of the table snapped. He gathered me in his arms before we could go crashing, High Lord strength holding me upright, all while still nestled inside of me.

I was too focused on how good he was making me feel to think about the change of positions, too focused on how he was lifting me up and down on his cock, the quick pace making me release a string of needs.

He dropped to his knees, kneeling down and placing me on the carpeted floor, just as he promised.

He didn't relent in his thrusting despite the altering of position, he fucked me right through it, overwhelmed me with intense pleasure so I barely noticed it as well.

"So perfect, like you were made for me," he breathed, his voice thick with lust as he thrust deeper, each stroke igniting another wave of pleasure that threatened to drown me. I could feel every muscle in my body tensing, arching to meet him, lost in the rhythm he set.

I whimpered, wrapping my arms around his shoulders, pulling him closer as if I could merge our bodies even more completely. "Helion, please," I begged, the words spilling from my lips unbidden. "Don't stop. I'm so close."

His response was a low growl, and he quickened his pace, driving deeper, harder, as he captured my mouth in a heated kiss. His tongue tangled with mine, his lips moving against mine as if he were trying to devour me whole. I could feel the way he was losing himself too, the need in his movements matching the frantic beating of my heart.

The carpet shifted beneath us— and I realized we no longer lay against the floor, but a soft mattress. Somewhere during our heated kiss he had winnowed us into what I assume was his bedroom, the sounds of our bodies slapping together echoing off the walls. Helion's hands gripped my hips, guiding me as he thrust up into me, his movements unrelenting. Each thrust built until I was teetering on the edge of release.

"Just a little more," he encouraged, his breath hot against my ear. "I can feel you tightening around me. Let go, love." The endearment sent a thrill through me, urging me closer to the precipice.

"Helion!" I gasped, feeling the coil within me tighten to its breaking point. I surrendered completely, my body instinctively arching and clenching around him as I felt the wave crash over me. My orgasm hit with blinding force, washing over me in intense ripples of pleasure as I cried out, my body trembling in response.

He followed me over the edge, his own release spilling forth as he growled my name, the sound mingling with the rush of my own pleasure. Helion thrust a few more times, riding out both our climaxes, our bodies perfectly attuned to one another.

He finally pulled out of me, flipping down onto the mattress beside me. I rested my head against his shoulder, his hand slipped into mine, our fingers intertwining, feeling blissfully content, the world around us fading into the background as I savored the afterglow.

After a few moments, I giggled softly, breaking the comfortable silence. "I can't believe we broke a table."

He chucked breathlessly, the warm sound making a feeling bloom in my chest. "It never stood a chance," He replied.

"Literally," I added, eliciting another quiet laugh from him.

I turned onto my side, wrapping an arm around his bare torso, furrowing into his warmth.

I lay still, the warmth of his body fading as he pulled away, leaving me feeling exposed and vulnerable. My heart raced with a mix of confusion and irritation as I watched him slip into his pants. "I thought I wasn't another conquest?" I muttered, my voice laced with hurt as I searched his eyes for the truth.

Helion paused, his expression shifting to one of genuine confusion. "You're not," he said, the sincerity in his tone softening the edges of my anger. But then I narrowed my eyes, my glare unwavering.

"Then where are you going?" I pressed, the question heavy on my heart.

A playful smile tugged at his lips, clearly amused by my reaction. "Would you have a little faith in me? I'm getting a cloth to clean you up," he reassured, turning toward the basin beside the window. I watched him wet a cloth, wringing it out with careful precision before making his way back to the bed.

My glare faltered, replaced by a rush of embarrassment as he returned to my side, settling beside me, I could feel the warmth radiating from his body, and my breath hitched slightly at the intimacy of the moment. Helion gently dragged the damp cloth between my legs, his movements deliberate and tender, and I couldn't help but squirm under his touch.

"Helion," I murmured, feeling a rush of warmth flood my cheeks as he meticulously cleaned me. The sensation was both intimate and oddly soothing, and I found it hard to maintain my earlier annoyance. His focus was unwavering, his eyes intent on his task, and I couldn't help but appreciate how he handled me with such care.

"Relax," he said softly, glancing up at me as he continued his work. "I promise I'm not going anywhere." His gaze held mine, and I could see the genuine warmth and affection there, a stark contrast to the teasing persona he often wore.

I took a deep breath, the tension in my body slowly dissipating as I let his calm wash over me. "Okay," I finally replied, my voice barely above a whisper. I settled back against the pillows, allowing myself to enjoy this unexpected moment of intimacy. Helion finished cleaning me, his touch lingering just a bit longer than necessary, sending shivers of pleasure through me.

"There," he said, a satisfied smile gracing his lips as he tossed the cloth aside. "All clean."

I watch him discard the cloth in the laundry bin with casual grace as if he didn't just alter my entire perception of him. He moved into bed beside me, the mattress dipping with his weight. "You okay, love?" He murmured, tucking me into his carved chest. Again, with that nickname that sent a flutter through me, an endearing sensation I couldn't quite put into words.

I swallowed thickly, nodding as I sunk into his warmth, the kind comparable to the rays of the sun. "Mhm, just tired," I uttered.

"Rest, I'll be here in the morning," He murmured, his hand running down the length of my arm, tracing delicate patterns on my skin. I felt every gentle stroke like a whisper, a promise that anchored me to this newfound connection.

As I settled deeper into his embrace, the world outside faded away, and the quiet rhythm of his heartbeat became the lullaby that lulled me into sleep, a well-earned and deep one, his warmth cradling me into a blissful slumber.

I awoke at first light, my eyes fluttering open to the uncovered windows—the day court being worshippers of the sun, curtains were unheard of here, which made for a rough morning. But something about this morning, with the sun kissing my skin the way Helion had last night, it wasn't so bad.

I flip over, my back to the sun and my front to, perhaps something warmer.

He was awake, already staring at me with a slight smile on his lips. "Good morning," He whispered, his voice deepened by sleep.

"I suppose this is when I take my leave?" I murmur, but don't make any movement to leave. I didn't want to, I wanted to bathe in his sunlight for a little while longer.

He reaches over, his large hand spanning my waist and pulling me closer, encasing me into his broad shoulders and carved chest. "No, my dear, you're not going anywhere." He reassures, looking down at me with a darkened gaze, our foreheads pressed together and his nose brushing mine.

"What have I gotten myself into?" I feign annoyance, rolling my eyes.

He lets out a breathless laugh, leaning down into my neck and pressing his lips into the collection of marks he had left only last night. "You've no idea." He mumbled and I groaned playfully, grumbling a curse.

"Still pretending like you haven't completely fallen for me?" He prodded, the tip of his nose running up my neck.

"I didn't say that," I murmur, running a hand through his hair.

"So you have, fallen for me?" He teased, pulling away from my throat to peer up at me.

"Helion," I whine, my bottom lip protruding as I meet his gaze. "I can't stay here all day, now can I?"

"Who says you can't? The Day Court has no rules against me lounging in bed with beautiful women," He purred. "I've made sure of it." He added with a wink and I rolled my eyes.

"That doesn't sound like a very productive court," I remark, a smile pulling at my lips as I feel our usual banter slide back into place.

He hummed in thought, adjusting out position so his hips were between my legs, his arms wrapped around my waist, and his head on my chest. "Depends on what you consider productive." He mumbled into the cleavage of my breasts.

I scoffed, pulling at his hair and guiding him away from my chest. "You're insatiable," I grumble.

"You love it." He says with an all too confident wink.

"Maybe." I sigh, gripping his shoulder and flipping us over. "But what would your court say if they found out you were bedding your emissary?" I frown at the thought alone.

"I'm their High Lord, they can't say anything unless they wanted their tongues taken—" He suggests, while helping me into a more comfortable position, my head beside his on the pillow, our legs intertwined, my chest pressed against his. "Though I doubt any of them would say a word about you." He reassures, his hand coming to my jaw. "That is unless you wanted them to talk? If so I'd be happy to tell them the events of last night." He smirks and my cheeks glow red, heated beneath his touch.

"Modesty is one of your many virtues I see," I murmur, attempting to ignore my fluttering heartbeat.

"Of course." He gives me a look as if it was a well-known fact. "I'm the very picture of restraint and humility." He quips and I giggle, the sound making his breathing stall for a moment.

His gaze flickers down to mine, his brows slightly creased in conflict. "Stay." He whispered, leaning closer and pecking a kiss on my forehead. "Just a little longer." He added, his lips brushing about my skin.

I sighed, any lingering resolve melting away under his touch. "Just a little longer," I agreed, closing the distance between us as his lips met mine, slow and unhurried, as if the rest of the world could wait.

General Taglist: @fxckmiup @olive-main @iluvyewman-blog @gaymistakeboi @glitterypirateduck @amara-moonlight @impossibelle @fauxdette @going-through-shit @glam-targaryen @hufflepuff-pa55 @sarawritestories @tele86 @rogerbarnesxx @azriels-shadowsinger @stinkinstuffie @sandramalikstyles-blog @sassyangel16 @lilah-asteria @starsinyourseyes @inloveallthetime @melsunshine @nighttimemoonlover @cookiemonsterwholovesbooks @cumuluscranium @adharanotfound @azrielsmate3 @aelincaddel @hiddlestonspassionsackx @dee-writes-smut @cynthiesjmxazrielslover @pit-and-the-pen @mybestfriendmademe @starswholistenanddreamsanswered @circe143 @bubybubsters @joshysloshy @username199945 @ivy-34 @notsarareallynot @vixenshiftsvrs @aurorab99 @pey2618 @loving-and-dreaming @mmg777 @andreperez11 @thatacotargirl @123345566 @one-big-fangirl @moonslitluna @imyherondale @salvawhxres @bookishbabyyyy @anuttellaa @breadsticks2004 @azriels-human @mamita-vera @demetercabingreen-thumb @lorosette @daughterofthemoons-stuff @tothestarsandwhateverend @ahaha0246 @mellowmusings @mythicalcookie

[madfantom]

Full animatic And so, part 2 of my comments, let's start.

◁Part 1 || Part 3 ▷

In the last part, and here, the order in which the children got to William is shown, and I will explain why it is not the order of the murders Here is a MEMO with missing children to make it easier to navigate, since I drew very simplistically.

I mean, when watching usually fnaf animations, I myself had the question "who the fuck are all these kids?" and, either in another animation I understood, or I did not understand at all, or the designs were so simplified that you can guess (I mean a child in all red or with a pirate armband is foxy, Freddy is all brown, etc.) So I just made outlines of their hair and costumes and that's it

It's just a little complaint here, don't pay attention, I'll just say it once, and that's because I didn't think that someone would write the same thing all the time when writing AU And one more thing. Chick's name is SOFIA. Please guys, I know that Suzy from fnaf 6 exists, okay? She's there, hell, she's even in the animation next to Cassidy. I just shifted her from being a chick to another one, not removed. And she also has an interesting role and a different design logic, I just don't have time to do everything. In fact, I even have a reason why Sofia exists and I wrote a very long text post about it, but I haven't finished drawing sketches there, so you won't see it yet. It's just that I'm starting to get a little bit hung up by the same type of comments from Pinterest, although to get rid of this, I write in big letters everywhere that it's AU

Let's go back to the animatic

I have displayed the methods of killing, which will then be reflected in the appearance of the ghosts. In fact, I took the idea from my old horror zine Fnaf art when I was thinking about how the children died there to make their appearance more creepy. Some of the ideas remained, and some were redesigned, as well as some designs

Sofia was placed in a ventilation unit. William caught her and left her there suffocating in the off ventilation , after a light strangulation, suffocating in the off ventilation. She didn't actually die, but she was the first (And I refer to this also in a custom night with the phrase "I was the first, I have seen everything!") And now imagine how the room smelled of chemicals after cleaning it from all kinds of oils and other liquids necessary for mechanisms that are very difficult to wipe off. While ventilation did not work and the girl was locked in a narrow place after she was strangled, forced to watch through the slots for the children who were after her That's why Sofia's ghost makes such a quiet clucking sound, as she coughs as if she's still in the ventilation. She won't die of suffocation, nah, in this comic she's still alive and William can cut her throat.

About the rest it is more obvious, well, not counting the pictures on the Background.

Jeremy was electrocuted, so his ghost hair is pulled up as if by an electric shock. He also has charred lips and eyelid skin and no eyebrows, and his hands have torn and charred stripes from just the same clamp. He looks like the most crippled of the three

Fritz couldn't stand the blows from blunt and sharp objects and in the end they attached a mask to his face with a nail gun or something like that and set it on fire quite a bit. Well, just a little bit. His background is directly related to the comic, which Redraw at the beginning, and now I continue. I'm still doing it, but I need a lot of time for it

Gabriella was basically cut while they wrapped one of those cables around his neck that are forever hanging on the walls in fnaf and pulled out his eye after death

[ghostgirl-22]

Brown Eyed Girl

Day 8: Sleep deprivation

—————————————————————-

It’s the first week alone since Tashi’s mom left. Now it’s just the two of them and a newborn. Lily’s been fussy all night and Tashi is nursing, she’s exhausted and they have to leave for London in two hours.

Art stays up with her, he doesn’t know what to do but he doesn’t want to be somewhere snoring while Tashi’s up all night. Lily’s the smallest and most precious thing. Art didn’t think he could love Tashi anymore and then she carried his child into the world. And yeah they’re sleep deprived, maybe a little delusional but he’s also the happiest he’s ever been.

They don’t bother going back to sleep. The 30 minute uber ride to the airport is all the rest they get. Lily sleeps for about an hour and a half while they check in and head through security. Then she starts crying again.

Art tries to soothe her, he nearly gets her too relax but then they’re called to board. He places Lily in the carrier and Tashi groans as she cries.

Art rubs her back, “I’ll pick her up in a minute.”

“I can’t take the crying,” she says. “My body is…” she touches her t-shirt and Art can see she’s starting to leak through it. He licks his bottom lip but tries not to be perverted because she’s clearly mortified. He pulls his sweatshirt off to give it to her and she pulls it over her head, relieved. She secures Lily, still fussing in a carrier strapped to her chest and they go to the gate and board quickly in first class. Art carries the baby bag and the carrier and a separate bag for the two of them. He loads them up in overhead storage. Tashi’s able to feed Lily, which soothes her way faster than Art could do.

Once she’s calm they’re dozing off before the plane even fills up. Unfortunately, they wake up when the plane is gaining altitude. Lily starts to cry. Her first plane ride and Art just knows her little ears are probably popping. Tashi is trying to feed her but she’s crying her eyes out and Tashi looks so defeated.

“I wish we would have canceled,” she says, emotionally. The other passengers are looking over, clearly not impressed.

Art knows better than to say I told you so… not right now. “It’s okay… if anything we can find a night nurse or something when we get there.”

”I don’t want to be one of those moms who can’t take care of their own child,” Tashi sighs.

“You won’t be, it’s just a little help so we’re rested. It’s gonna be busy and…well we’re both gonna have a lot to do…” Art says gently.

She doesn’t respond but this seems to be the first time she’s at least considering getting help outside of her parents.

The seatbelt sound goes off and he looks up to see if the light is off. Lily is still crying, Art watches Tashi struggle as Lily latches on for minutes but then starts crying again. “I fucking suck at this,” Tashi says helplessly.

“No, it’s okay. I… here I can take her.” Art says. He thinks she’s more upset about the pressure than she is needing to be fed. He knows Tashi is emotional and uncomfortable, and tired. Tired beyond reason. So he takes Lily and the carrier and adjusts it so he can strap it on himself with her inside. He walks her around the plane for about an hour while Tashi tries to sleep. He stays near the bathrooms trying to be as far from the other passengers as possible since her cry isn’t as loud as he’s been told it could be, yet. She starts to cry herself out and she does sleep for about an hour. When he sits down though she starts to fuss again, so he gets back on his feet. He takes a few selfies with a couple passengers who chat with him on their way to the bathroom. For each of them he makes sure Lily is covered. Last thing he wants is some tabloid getting her image and posting it on their website. He doesn’t feel that famous…and by comparison hes not. He’s only won one slam but it was Wimbledon and as an American it was kind of a big deal. It’s why Tashi wanted him to come back despite knowing they’d have a 6 week old.

Tashi gets about an hour and a half on the plane. He gets no sleep. It’s about 6pm when they land in London. A car takes them to their hotel near the Wimbledon grounds. A Four Seasons, much, much nicer than where they stayed the year before. It’s a luxury suite with a king bed and a crib. Lily is probably as tired from the trip as he is. Usually they like to keep themselves awake to adjust quickly as possible to the time change but this time they make sure Lily is settled and then they both fall asleep fully clothed on the bed.

It’s the most hours of sleep they’ve had in a row for 4 days. Five full hours. It’s 12:30 am when they wake up to Lily fussing and they order room service.

“We’re gonna be so thrown off tomorrow,” Tashi says. She’s in a better mood now that she got to sleep. Her hair’s in a messy ponytail, she’s in oversized clothes, stained with spit up. She’s breast feeding while eating a hamburger. Art doesn’t think she could be anymore beautiful.

“I love you,” he sighs.

She smirks at him and shakes her head looking down at Lily.

”What?” He smiles back.

She looks back up at him, her eyes are soft. “I know you do.”

[arliganzey]

My headcanon stats and thoughts for Jedi Master Arligan Zey that no one asked for:

Age: 49. He seems older than Obi-wan, but is only 'graying' by the end of The Clone Wars so he's not that old.

Height/Build: 6'4. He's described as a "large, muscular man" with "huge" hands. I could go taller... but... then Bardan (a foot shorter) would never be in frame in my mind's cinematic universe. In Order 66 when Zey is angrily tracking down Vau to ask him why Kal got beat up, he's described as a 'giant hawk-bat of a man.'

Physical characteristics: All we know is he has a beard, his hair is "shaggy" in 501st, and he's graying. That's... it. So I'm going with mousey brown hair. Hazel-brown eyes, with crow's feet. He has a long, straight nose and a prominent brow. Zey is, as I previously described, "kinda handsome."

Alignment: Lawful good. He's close-ish to lawful neutral, at least when he's dealing with Kal (see: turning a blind eye to the terrorist op in Triple Zero, also asking Vau to spy on Kal which I'm not saying was a smart move but it's... not lawful good!)

See how we err toward lawful neutral/true good/true neutral? Very mindful.

Facecast: Christoph Waltz: This is who Krad based her Zey art off of! He has had a pretty long acting career so it's nice to see lots of pictures at different ages.

Zey at the start of the war before the light has left his eyes (Waltz is a little older than my Zey headcanon age btwfyi)

More thoughts in no particular order:

I think Zey is a little less refined and a lot more rough and tumble, he seems deeply uncomfortable with the desk job as Director of Special Forces and gets visibly upset/angry at a few points in the book. He's capable of being the diplomatic Jedi, but he's also been described as crashing through conversations.

I have about a dozen more points to cover but this is already getting long, so consider this my Arligan Zey primer. More to come!

[unhetalia]

More than 1 note on a post? I'm gonna take that as people being interested! The follow up of my first character headcanon post - this time for England and Russia aka my America love interests.

England:

Can be described as one word: sharp. Sharp jawline, sharp eyes, thin mouth. He has an eyebrow piercing - he rarely wears it nowadays, but he made the piercing with magic so it's always there. He has an eyebrow slit from a scar he got from a battle with a magical creature that never healed. All the other nations are fascinated with it because scars are so rare among their kind (and also because with how England's eyebrows are, it's very eye catching). Attractive in a rough and tumble way - he's very popular with a subset of the female population who initially peg him for a bad boy no matter how far behind him those days are. (France always jokes he's got the face of a delinquent). Physically 30s, ID says 33.

Tailored three piece suits and oxfords are his regular wardrobe for work, like a proper gentleman.

Dirty, light blonde hair (a bit like this), and D37 green-coloured eyes. While he's very hygienic, he doesn't take care of himself beyond doing things for hygiene, so he tends to have rough, calloused hands and his skin isn't particularly soft, though he has the Nation-blessed clear skin.

Very little body fat, lean muscle. He's 180cm (or 5'10), and is therefore 2cm shorter than America, which infuriates Arthur. A lot of scars from magical battles - he has more scars than any other Nation. Has kept up sword fighting and martial arts, and unfortunately has a temper that means he gets into a lot of brawls. Physicality is very important to him, which comes from some more old-fashioned Nation values that younger Nations don't tend to have (more on this later).

Arthur dressed down = replacing the three piece suit with a dress shirt paired with a sweater vest. Or a long, dark coat. He generally tends to prefer blacks, greys, browns. It's rumoured (according to France) that his fashion sense is to stop young women from hitting on him, thinking he's some kind of bad boy. Also why he's cut down on smoking in public. Poor guy.

Russia:

If England is rough and tumble handsome, Russia is prince handsome - really on as opposite ends of a person's 'type scale' as you can possibly get. He's got a strong jaw and fuller lips, soft eyes. Many a six yer old have tugged on their mother's clothes, pointed at him and told their mum there's a prince, and many a mum have rewarded their six year old for pointing him out. Physically 30s, ID says 31.

Whatever he wears always tends to be hidden by a coat and his scarf.

White blonde hair (close to... this colour). His eyes are undeniably violet. Once again the polar opposite of Arthur, his skin is soft and smooth, looking very much like he's never worked a day in his life - but if the metaphor that I was going for is that England's power is in the way he's hardened from work and hardship, and maintains strength and power through sheer will, Russia's strength is in his impenetrability, in the way even years of holding swords or guns never shows in his body.

I've run out of words, so Russia's body type is the second or last one in this image, depending on if he's at war or in peace times. Minor differences between them, generally. Broad shoulders, thick waist, thick everything. No abs, just. Solidly built. Also, he's 6'7, and wears the kind of boots that make him taller (not on purpose - he just needs sturdy, waterproof boots, and those tend to add height.

[thenixkat]

(Picture in the voice of that one meme with the old man going 'Baby boy' at one pic and 'evil' at the second pic)

[ID: A screenshot of a scene from Castlevania Nocturne featuring the character Edouard in close-up in a night scene with water flying through the air. /End ID]

My guy Edouard is a mulatto from Haiti (oh hey look at that we actually know where he's from and he's not 'ambiguously brown'). Are his eyes blue? Yes, tragically. But it's at least a shade of blue that works ok with with his skin tone. Also peep the nose and lips.

[ID: A screencap from Castlevania Nocturne featuring a close-up of Olrox, a vampire, from the shoulders up nude on a bed. /End ID]

Could I tell what kind of Native Olrox was when I saw him b4 he said anything? No. But I could tell he was Native. But we *do* get to find out where he's from. Does he have pale colored eyes, yes, but again the shades picked work well with his skin tone. Also just lovely nose, lips, cheek bones. Doesn't feel like an ambiguous brown mfer.

[ID: A screenshot from the Dungeon Meshi anime featuring Kabru smiling, winking and giving a thumbs up to the viewer. /End ID]

Go girl give us nothing. Hate that shade of blue, its jarring. Granted given how the mangaka has this man's skin changing colors in the same lighting in the art books like a fucking chameleon in a rave and even making him that weird 'I don't know how to color nonpale people' grey in a few places in the artbooks also just that blue wasn't gonna work anyway.

Also the gross pixie nose. Zero lippage. What fantasy counterpart is this guy from who the fuck knows? Apparently, it wasn't important to make clear or hint at in his design or for him to bring anything that could pin him up directly. Mr. Ambigiously fucking Brown.

Also colorist tropes! Our two plot important brown people gotta have pale colored eyes can't they can't be too ethnic if we have to see them a lot more.

[ID: A crop of a page from the Dungeon Meshi Adventurers Bible showing Kiki and Kaka's heads. There are cut-off words from their page entry on the side and top of the image. /End ID]

Go girl give us nothing but even more! Dark eyes? Good. Everything else just bleh. Nothing. Hell, even the names are as 'no thoughts involved' as the rest.

[thelarriefics]

FIRST DATE FIC REC: Below are fics that feature first dates. 

📖 Take A Chance On Me by @peachypetalhazz (39k)

When Harry receives two tickets to see one of his favourite bands, he'd expected that his best mate would accompany him. However, it is soon learned that the intentions behind this so-called gift were far more wondrous than he initially thought.

📖 under your bed in new york. by @the28thofseptemberr (33k)

au; spilling coffee onto an ex, being set up on dates, and having a nosy puppy might be all louis needs to find love again

📖 A Hungry Heart by @jacaranda-bloom (27k)

Harry Styles, florist and Great British Bake Off contestant, loves many things. He loves his flower shop, he loves baking, and there’s also that little crush he has on pop star Louis Tomlinson.

But when Louis arrives on set as the surprise guest judge, Harry’s worlds collide. Throw in a cup of cuteness, a teaspoon of teasing, and a pinch of pining, and there’s all the ingredients for an epic love story, or absolute chaos.

Or the one where the Bake Off tent has never been so hot, and it’s got nothing to do with what’s in the ovens.

📖 You be Stunning, Baby, I'll be Stunned by @crinkle-eyed-boo (14k)

Harry and Louis go on their first date.

📖 Butterflies and Delight by @sunshineandthemoonlight  (13k)

The one where Louis is new to Grindr, Harry loves wearing fun, quirky outfits, and Ziam are always around to convince Louis to take a chance at life. Featuring Harry’s terrible jokes, Louis as a single parent, and glittery drawings of swamp monsters.

📖 In a sky full of stars, be my Northern lights��by @so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed (13k)

It's one of those nights there's nothing on the telly that Louis absently scrolls through Tinder. After swiping left on a bunch of profiles he comes face to face with a picture that stops him in his tracks. The picture is..almost sweet. It’s a boy with brown curly hair, wearing a very low cut yellow blouse, paired with a black jacket. He’s got a smile on his face and his tongue sticking out, but it’s not in any way lewd or suggestive. He just looks like he’s having a good time, and something about the innocence of it has him swiping right rather than left.

📖 Crystal Ball on the Table by @becomeawendybird (12k)

Harry Styles is just an ordinary witch from an old-fashioned Boston family trying to survive in her regular job as the fiction manager at a local bookstore and café. Her magic isn't exactly something she advertises when looking for potential new girlfriends, so when Louis Tomlinson arrives in her life like a breath of fresh air, she tries her best to hide how strongly her magic is reacting to Louis' presence.

📖 You come in waves (we crash and we roll) by @rainbowsandlovehl (11k)

Three times Louis makes a fool of himself in front of Harry and one time he doesn't.

📖 Just the Start by @littleroverlouis (9k)

Louis is a fifty-two year old divorcé who has fallen into rut. He never anticipated a forced day of self care, and a chance meeting with a charming salon owner would shake him out of his comfort zone.

📖 We Might'a Took the Long Way by @evilovesyou (8k)

The story of a perfect first date, a mind-blowing first kiss, an interfering lawsuit, a lopsided bowl, flutes of champagne, a little bit of heartbreak, a fated tiktok, and lots and lots of art.

📖 I Roll 'til I Change My Luck by @larry-hiatus (8k)

Dating is hard enough when you're gay. When Louis reveals to his Tinder matches that he uses a wheelchair and has a service dog, things tend to get even more complicated. Too bad the guys on dating apps aren't as sweet and understanding as his best friend Harry...

📖 I want your midnights by @guccistrawberries (7k)

or It all starts with a harmless round of the name game

📖 As Time Goes By by @1diamondinthesun (6k)

Wow. Louis needed to get a grip. They hadn’t even opened the wine yet, and Louis was already fantasizing about cuddling Harry.

📖 We're Getting Better With Time by @haztobegood (5k)

Or, the one where Louis is single, Harry is recently divorced, and they reconnect on Facebook forty years after they first met.

📖 sweaty palms and racing hearts by @onlythebravest (1k)

A short story of two shy, nervous and blushing boys on a date at the cinema.

[imbeingtauntedbyachild]

what is up with this guy

My precious dead 10 year but technically 100 year old! God’s favorite and specialist boy (not a good thing) God made him specifically and made sure his life was absolutely miserable. Tk was born on December 4th 1900.

He grew up in an orphanage and was heavily mistreated by everyone, what god didn’t plan was TK killing everyone except this little baby named callahan, who was the only being to reach out to him for comfort. Tk poisoned himself and died on January 5th 1910 while holding Callahan. He gets to heaven where god immediately isolates and grooms him

Tk is under the assumption that god doesn’t know abt him murdering an entire orphanage so he sneaks down to hell to keep those he killed quiet. And boom callahan is there! TK doesn’t know it’s him but is strangely drawn to it. Anyways worlds most toxic Bi x Pan relationship. Diversity win the demon is pansexual and the child murdering child is bisexual and trans.

His conception was done through picrew which I then based his design off of

After this I immediately drew porn of him and callahan. Oh yea callahan! I forced my bf to make a sh0tacon to go with my sh0ta and he caved in lol. I would show a drawing of it but tumblr only allows 10 images in a post soo..

These were tks 1st and 2nd redesigns

Again! Also pretty rough! I really do try to be kind to my old art/character designs. Especially since these are better than the 1st one but erm. They’re still pretyy rough!

Now we have the most recent redesign/art of him

He’s honestly my favorite oc of all time. Whenever I’m artblocked my hand just moves on it’s own and draws him,, I’ve projected a lot of myself onto him from my very intense emotions, to my narcissistic tendencies, and especially how we deflect from our problems. You know it’s funny how much nsfw I drew of him back in the day, but now I draw him isolated and the after effects of his assaults. Oh yea his hair color is like. Never consistent. It’s always a desaturated light brown but sometimes it looks darker, other times it looks more pink….really he’s just a character to have fun with

[mothfishing]

i never read tlt myself but i have a bunch of friends who have and have been begging me to read it to and so i’m super confused ??? i have never heard about the racism…

anonymous asked: can u tell me about the racist elements of tlt... id never heard this before and i follow a lot of people who talk about the series a lot

anonymous asked: I hope this isn't rude but what even is the deal w the locked tomb. I remember vaguely hearing abt it being like "the best shit ever" and then that it had some really intense scenes/Themes then learning the creator was a grade A creep and then like nothing. What is even going on in the book???

yeah ofc! lumping all three of you's questions together since it's essentially the same one (also at #3 it's not rude)

oh god where do i start...so i read the first book and hated it pretty early on, but my intention had been to read the entire series so i could more completely express what was so grimy about it, since this book gets a lot of praise. despite my best efforts it was too rancid and i stopped partway through book 2.

thus i'll focus on book 1 criticisms first cause that's the book i finished, but i do have some series-wide criticisms as well. warnings for racism, pedophilia, ableism:

the author has this absolute obsession with physical features, and in particular she frequently praises features associated with whiteness while denigrating features associated with people of color. like constantly constantly constantly you see blue, purple, and hazel eyes given loving descriptions like amethyst, violet, while brown eyes are almost exclusively compared to dirt whenever they're mentioned.

only two characters in the first book are described as brown-skinned, jeannemary and colum. jeannemary is a "brown, bricklike thing", and colum is a yellow-brown lump. gideon's own personality is stupid horny idiot who's only good for her strength, which uh...A Choice given that, while she isn't described as brown in the first book, the cover art does still depict her with brown skin and harrow with light skin.

i'll also note that colum and one other character, silas, are both from the eighth house. outside of the book muir said they were both white, but in-book they're quite frankly associated with caricatures of east asian people to the extent that best case scenario is she used said caricatures to prop up her depiction of white people you weren't meant to like. like........in particular i wanna note silas constantly reciting religious mantras, as well as their description as "violently servile", which is so strongly associated w caricatures of east asian people. and once again she literally describes colum as yellow,

the post didn't mention it bc i wrote it in 2 seconds out of frustration, but it's also astonishingly ableist to the point where, while reading, i got frustrated and made a list of every time a symptom came up so gideon could insult whoever had it................arthritis, osteoporosis, blindness, hyperthyroidism, all of these came up as insults. "oh but the first three are because they're old" do you have to bring up conditions associated with elderly people???

plus cytherea is a character with a romantic terminal illness, constantly described as beautiful because of her frail (and white, blond, blue-eyed) body...im disabled myself i'm not saying disabled people can't be described as beautiful/hot/etc, but it felt fetishistic here and like the focus was less on her personhood and more on how she was weak and "rescuable" basically.

i'll also note the age gap between palamedes and dulcinea, people who literally met when they were 8 and 15, which was romanticized as "oh dulcinea took his feelings seriously because she's used to not being taken seriously because of her illness :)"

now series-wide...i didn't get to this myself so i don't have a whole lot to elaborate here, but the whole thing is a christian imperial empire run by a māori man and i just don't trust a white kiwi with that sorry.

also-also i'm not a lesbian/wlw at all myself, but friends of mine who are read the book with me and we noted gideon was. not even butch. both her presentation and protector role had been foisted upon her by someone who did not let her forget she owned her. everyone talking abt lesbian rep and then the main couple is a master and servant whose culminating arc in the first book is gideon becoming the perfect servant...also once again, harrow is light skinned and gideon is brown skinned.

finally, tamsyn muir has written even more explicit creep shit so i just genuinely don't know why it is she got popular in the first place. you don't need to know this to despise her work, but wow! (sorry to the person whose reblog this is, op deleted)

[morning-jellyfish-in-a-teacup]

So the gallery opening last night? It went so well omggg!!

There was such a good turn out! So many people showed up! I even saw people taking photos of my piece! And got complimented on my outfit lol (brown crop sweater, low cut beige long sleeve crop shirt, black jeans, grommet belt, celestial earrings to match my tattoo, and hair down, felt very cute so glad I got noticed lol). My friend seemed to have fun, he asked me some art questions and was talking about different things he liked/didn't like in some pieces. He even stopped at one point when I was talking about a painting I liked there and said that I looked really happy. Flustered me a bit lol, but I genuinely was really happy. Finally being able to attend a gallery opening that I'm a part of, seeing the great turn out, seeing all the work in the show, seeing people appreciate my work, being with someone I care about and feeling comfortable being open and myself with them. Like it honestly surpassed everything I wanted ... like I was just genuinely so so happy.

After the reception ended, the night turned really dreamy lol. We started to explore the rest of the building looking at what else was there. There was a lot of other smaller art shows going on that we talked about, and then we started talking about personal stuff and bonded more through that, and THEN ... we found an auditorium where some kind of show was going on. We snuck in and caught a piano performance of Gershwin's Rhapsody in Blue - one of my favorite jazz pieces!! It was honestly really magical. It's one of my absolute favorites and I've never seen it performed live! And we almost missed it! Only found it from sneaking around!

After the pianist finished, all the other performers came on stage during the applause and a kid dressed up as a king with a crown, cape, and scepter and said "I have something to say. I knight this night to be a good night". Then the lights came on and everyone in the audience started to leave. It was so cute!

Then we left the building and started to walk around outside just chatting. Got to show him this adorable mural I found when dropping the work off. Also found an adorable public art piece sculpture of a hare using an old timey film camera. Gave him the madelines after we found it and he ate them while we kept walking around. He said they were really good and agreed the earl grey was very subtle lol.

We eventually ubered back to his place a few hours after the show ended and kept chatting and just hanging out. He made us some virgin cocktails and then we went to his room and watched part of a gaming livestream and listened to music. It was really strange, honestly, and I even said that to him. It's so similar to how my problem friend and I would chill after a night out - make drinks, chat, listen to music, watch dumb videos - but it felt really nice. It was a bit strange to be doing that with someone else, but in a good way. If I'm being fully honest, even before all the problems started with my problem friend, I would only be able to really put up with doing that for a few hours before I'd start wishing she would stop playing stuff and just start to get ready for bed. Always assumed it was just from being drunk tired. But doing essentially the same thing last night with someone new fully sober, both of us, after a night where I genuinely felt safe and comfortable and like I could be open about things I find interesting and care about - art - and have that be appreciated rather than shut down because the person I'm with doesn't give a shit ... like I don't even know what to say. That's what I mean by the night turned dreamy, like I was so genuinely happy.

He had plans in the morning, so I left his place around 12:30am. He said he loved me as a friend in person when I was leaving and I said the same thing back, which is a bit scary because I've only ever said that to 2 people before: my puppy and my problem friend. And now I've said it to someone new after a night very similar but like ... not (?) to how my time would be spent with my problem friend. Said it without thinking, too, so that's been interesting to process today lol.

Then I went back to the house and made some tea and ate spoonfuls of peanut butter after fasting 18 hours lol. Didn't track the cals and honestly don't feel upset about it. I wish I stayed with him longer but I didn't want to overstay my welcome and ruin things, and I could tell he was tired.

Like it was honestly kind of a perfect day.

[starlightmoon96]

Yandere Optimus /Yandere Megatron x OC character chapter 1

I don't use it anymore but I have a FanFiction account with stories still on it, one of my most views was a story called Forbidden sugar. I stopped writing it back in 2019, I still get alerts when people like or follow because of that series and I thought why not and post it on Tumblr

___

Chapter 1.

This story was inspired by mutable Yandere themed transformers stories, what I haven't seen yet in any yandere themed stories which caught my curiosity was a Sugar baby character. I know what a sugar baby is and Sabina isn't like normal ones that everything knows about. Sabina is a 23 year old art college student and works as a librarian, she's on scholarship and a very gifted artist. on the side does sugaring to make more and help pay bills a lot like Enjo kosai or compensated dating. All she does is go to dinner with them or either simple dates nothing sexual is involved, Sabina get a lot of luxurious gifts and money from all the men she dates. She's very popular that gets lots of requests, Sabina is beautiful which is why she gets so many requests. In fact one of her clients owns an art gallery and featured some of Sabina's works and sold her work for half a million and gives haft the money to Sabina for her art, sugaring is just a side job she loves art and reading books and making pastries for her friends and coworkers. Also Sabina is mention in the top women that are living dolls in America, and often is called a living doll with no surgeries needed. She doesn't wear any doll clothes nor doll makeup, all her looks are natural. Sabina has beautiful sapphire gem eyes that gets her a lot of compliments she also has very long brown hair that she loves, it was so long it goes past her hips and not to close to her knees normally keeps it in a brad. Since very long hair is popular and it suited her.

Just imagine any yandere male would knowing that there female senpai is a sugar baby

"About four weeks ago Sabina was on her way back to her apartment from work when she was abducted by an unknown perp. Shortly after she found herself in a holding cell by giant alien robots she had heard rumors about, she knew better not to pissed of any of them so she never spoke she didn't know why she was taken either. When she was about to give up praying for something to happen after being captive for three weeks her prayers were answered, Sabina heard a commotion. Voices of her captors shouting something in a different language she didn't understand and shooting. Then new faint but audible voices, she knew they didn't belong to her captors. With saving her voice not from speaking she yelled out for help and yelled it loud as she could with every last breath in her, not long after she yelled for help she head something's voice yelled out to her

"Where are you?"

"Over here!" Was what she yelled out to the voice, within minutes she hear banging from the cell door and the voice outside of it asked

"Are you in here?" With that Sabina answered with a smile on her face

"Yes."

"Brace yourself, I am going to shoot the lock." From all the yelling Sabina did she was tired and weak she couldn't help but fall on the ground just before the door was open it was hard for her too keep her eyes open, trying to keep her eyes open a light was shining behind him and in her state she really make what she was fully looking at. He walked up to her and got on one knee. Sabina looked into his eyes and made out the soft blue glowing eyes looking at her

"There is nothing to fear. You are safe now." Hearing that made her smile before passed out on the ground and saying two words to him

"Thank you."

"The next think Sabina knew she woke up she felt something in her arms and wanted to move but felt pain going through her body and decided against it. She also felt something thin in her nose and realized it helped her breath.

"Ah. You are awake? Quite early for your state you have been?" It was kind and warm female voice thanks to her blurry vision she couldn't see her face well enough to make out what she looked like just let and she asked her

"Where..Where am I?" Right after she answered that the nurse answered her question

"I'm nurse Loveless you are in a Hospital. They brought you here in a critical state but you are now stabilized." When the nurse looked at her she noticed her eyes that made her smiled

"Oh my such lovely eyes you have there like sapphires."

"They?" Was the one word she repeated to her and the nurse asked her while she was scribing something on a clipboard

"Can I get your name?"

"Sabina…Sabina Rose." Was what she said to the nurse and she said to her

"Sabina Rose? What a beautiful sounding name."

"Who brought me here? Do you know?" Hearing Sabina say that the nurse answered her

"Optimus Prime. Leader of the Autobots." Sabina didn't look surprised hearing that but she did repeat his name one before the nurse spoke to her

"You are not surprised or in shock. Why?"

"After two weeks of being captive by alien robots that should surprise me? And it's nice to know the name of the bot that saved me."

Before the nurse left she gave Sabina her bag that was reported to the police station in the lost and found luckily everything was still in there looking through her phone she saw several miss called form her now sugar daddy along with her friends and coworkers, she of course called them all explaining what happened and not telling them about the whole alien robots from outer space thing that had happened to her. She simple said she was abducted for two weeks and was just rescued, they of course wanted to see her about they couldn't. She did promise to call when she was cleared to leave, after some time nurse Loveless came back with a tray of food for Sabina for her lunch she didn't complain about she was hungry. After she left Sabina started eating what was on the try hospital food wasn't very good in any hospital, but not eating anything for a while made everything taste good. As soon as she was done she heard a few knocks came at her door that caught her attention while placing the try on the ground.

"Come in." Hearing the door open made her directly where the door was too, since she would now fully see. She say the bot the saved her she recognized his build.

"I remember you, you're the one that rescued me?" Was what she said to optimus she was a little confused seeing him around human size seeing in stepping in the room and closing the door.

"Although you were a lot…bigger and taller than what I remember? What do you go by?"

"Optimus. Optimus Prime. Leader of the Autobots. I am the one who saved you from the Decepticons." Was what he said to her and she said to him with a warm smile on her face and she extended her arm towards him

"It's nice to meet you Optimus I'm Sabina Rose." With that optimus carefully shook Sabina's hand and came closer to her and asked her

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm feeling fine. Thank for asked." Sabina noticed that optimus was still holding her hand and she asked him

"Um Optimus can I have my hand back?" He let go of her and said to her

"My apologies Miss Rose." She smiled at him while she looked at him

"Please call me Sabina you don't haft to be formal with me."

The two had a long conversation with one another, Sabina told optimus that she was going to art collage and working part time as a librarian. Optimus told her about himself when he was still on cybertron when he was a data clerk, how he would read in his free time. Then Sabina mentioned she also loved reading in her free time, reading was one of her inspirations for her art when she can't get inspired by anything else. She even showed him her sketch book that was in her bag he was amazing how full of life each drawing was, each paged looked as if any of the drawing could come to life. The second Sabina was drawing on a blank page she didn't noticed just kept staring at her, his attention was to her sapphire eyes. He'd never seen a human with those type of eyes, he was captivated by those eyes like blue galaxies. Optimus realized that from the moment he met and saw Sabina he fell in love, he loved everything about her more when he opened that door. He loved her voice a voice so high and sweet and pure that echoes in his spark, he loved her small delicate hands watching those hand make beautiful works on art right in front of him and he loved the feel of them they where do delicate and the softest he's ever felt. Optimus loved her hair he loved long as soon as Sabina was done she smiled to him while she showed him her beautiful drawing of a blue bird, Optimus loved her smile it made him happy and his spark raise. He wanted to keep that smile for himself, Optimus wondered what would other humans think? What would his Autobots think of the two of them?

It took three days for Sabina to fully cover and was approved to leave the hospital, optimus offered her to drive her back to her apartment. He took his offer it was a four hour drive to get to the apartment complex Sabina lived it, it was a pretty safe and clean area it was a nice building it wasn't old and it looked recently build. Before optimus left and Sabina stepped on the sidewalk shutting the passenger door with her bag in her hand he asked her

"Sabina where are you attending your classes again?"

"I spoke with the dean yesterday with the doctor I can go back to my classes tomorrow and is allowing me to catch up what I missed. Why do you ask?" Was what Sabina said to him and he answered her

"I have some free time in my schedule tomorrow. If you like I could take you to your campus." With that Sabina smiled as she spoke

"Wow you would really do that, I'd love too." Before she continued she was interrupted by the sound of thunder that made her look up at the ow gray sky

"Looks like it's about to rain? I should get inside, my morning classes start at eight you might want to get here early?"

"The two of them said their goodbyes Sabina ran inside the building while optimus drove off, the first thing Sabina did when she got inside her apartment was taking a real shower. Before that she got a call from her current Sugar Daddy Richard that kept calling her making sure she was alright, Sabina told him that she just got back to her apartment. From the way he sounded over the phone he was very happy about it, after the call ended she took her shower that lasted for two hours. She had to really wash her hair since it hadn't been washed in weeks property, she missed the feel of her body wash the smelled of vanilla her favorite sent. After she shower Sabina wore her comfortable baggy clothes the second she put on her slippers there was a knock at the front door and a man's voice

"Flower delivery for Sabina Rose." I opened the front door seeing a delivery man holding four dozen beautiful red roses in his hands the delivery man handed her the flowers and she signed for them before he went off.

"Have a nice day ma'am."

"You too." Was what she said before going back into her apartment shutting the door while still looking at the flowers she noticed the card and it said.

"Look in the bouquet." She set the flowers down on my table looking threw it I pulled out a black necklace box that was hidden in the flowers. Sabina opened the lid and was very surprised at what was in it, inside the box as a note and a solitaire blue sapphire necklace pendant.

"Please take this necklace I saw this and it reminded me of your eyes, I'm happy to know that nothing terrible happened to you Sabina. Love Richard." Was what the letter said she took the necklace out of the box and held it in her hand.

"I've seen this necklace these cost thousands." When Sabina was about to put on the necklace her phone started ring, of course she picked it up

"Jasmine hey I was thinking of calling everyone?"

"You just got back?" Was what her friend said over the phone Sabina sat down on her love seat while she was talking

"Yeah I did, I'll be going to class tomorrow too."

"You didn't get injured did you? Can you still use your right hand?" Sabina barely chuckled hearing that ad she answered her

"No my artist hand is fine, although I won't be running for a while my ankle got hurt pretty bad. I'm not wearing a cast but I haft to wear a brace for the next two months." Right after she said that she heard her friend say in a worried tone

"But what about the BTS concert you said you would go to one with me, you bought all of us those VIP tickets."

"Can you just go without me, I'm not really into Korean." Saying that only made Jasmine yelled over the phone

"EVERYONE LOVES BTS! YOU ARE GOING AND YOU'RE GOING TO SEE WHY EVERYONE LOVES THOSE BOYS!" That got Sabina little worried as she was talking

"Alright, okay I'll go I'll go." She sighed as she was still talking

"Is there anything special I need for this concert? The second she heard that her friend answered her

"You got an amazon prime account right?"

"Yes." Was the one word she said and she still heard her talk

"Get a pen and paper your writing a list." Sabina repeated the last two words she said with a worried look on her face

"A list?"

Sabina woke up around six in the morning the next day, she went to bed early missing her bed and got a good ten hour sleep at that. She did her normal routine like any college student, brushing their teeth making breakfast and coffee and picking out what to wear. Being an art student she really couldn't wear skirts or long sleeves, so she picked out and wore dark blue jean short overalls that showed off her long smooth legs and a playing short sleeve gray shirt. Because of her ankle brace she couldn't wear sandals so she had to go with black converse, of course she redid her brad and wrapped it in a high bun. Before she left with her bag strapped around her shoulder Sabina put on her new sapphire necklace, she loved it and now it brought out her eyes. She walked down the stairs and when Sabina was at the ground floor she pushed open the glass door and looked at the parking lot and saw a red truck with blue flames, that made her smile she waved at Optimus and he honked back at her. Sabina ran to him and he opened his driver's door for her, she got in and closed the door and put her bag on passenger's seat.

"Thanks again for offering to take me to my university optimus." She said that while she buckled herself in Optimus started the engine and drove off. Sabina heard optimus's voice threw his radio.

"How far is your university?

"It's a fifteen minute drive, it takes me forty five to get there by foot." Was what she said to him before he was about to speak to her Sabina's phone started ringing and she answered it.

"Naerim hey had a feeling you would call? Yeah I'm heading to our university right now should be there in about maybe ten minutes traffic isn't bad." Sabina smiled as she was still talking

"Oh so Jasmine told everyone I'm going, and let me guess you're all staying at my place?" She didn't look so surprised and sighed before speaking

"I should have figured you all are dying to see my apartment. You think you and Yuko and help and show me where to buy snacks, I go to China town right? Yeah we can go after our classes are over I don't go to work till tomorrow I talked to my boss yesterday. K see yawl soon." With that Sabina ended the call and sighed then optimus asked her

"That call sounded intense?"

"Yeah kind of all my friends want me to go to this Korean concert called BTS, there supposed to be world famous with billions of fans. I'm not much into foreign music and rock concerts but they said I'll quickly change my mind hearing and seeing there concert." Was what she said to him, for the past five minutes optimus wanted to know about Sabina's friends she didn't mind telling him about them. As soon as optimus stopped near the collage Sabina exited and walked to the collage like the other students, which greeted her. Even all of her friends where there greeting and hugging her one at a time, also a lot of guys where giving her welcome back gifts like either flowers boxes of chocolate. Optimus witnessed it as he was driving off, he had no idea I was so well know and had many admirers. He didn't like it not one bit, luck for him was that Sabina didn't realize was that she dropped her apartment key on the passenger seat where she sat. That gave him a good opportunity and excuse to go in her apartment while she's attending her classes Optimus wanted to know more about her, everything about Sabina. He knew they would be cameras in the apartment building so he could just walk up to the door, once he got to the building he activated his holoform. A tall very attractive man that looked a lot like him if he where human, his holoform wore a red jack with blue flames and white shirt under it with blue jeans with black belt and black boots. Before exiting the grabbed the key off the set, it didn't take him a while to find Sabina's apartment door the room number was on the key. When he open Sabina's door and went inside he was surprised there was very expensive furniture and the inside was much bigger than he thought, it looked like it held four rooms and a massive living room and kitchen.

"Sabina can afford living here?" Optimus said that brushing his hand on the love seat, his eyes were drawn to the large bouquet of red rose on the table in front of the love seat that made him to start to grab the leather. He quickly released his grip making sure that there wasn't any tires in it, the first room he went into was the art studio. It made him very happy seeing her paintings looking at different types of landscapes from different parts around the world of mountains and lush rich marshes, some of animals and flowers. His most favorite was the largest canvas in the center of it all, Sabina draw a self-portrait of herself in almost all gray colors. The only thing was wasn't gray where her sapphire eyes and the sapphire gem floating in the center of her hands like magic, seeing that it wasn't completely done yet on the right lower corner. Optimus gently stroked the painting with his fingers stopping at the paintings lips.

[nitrosodiumfmp]

A Greater Look at Architecture

When I visit places, I often take pictures of interesting or striking buildings, so I have a good catalog of references to look at when planning the look of Sinister's city.

This image shows a large grey-brown brick building, sporting an almost brutalist clock tower. In the foreground, there is also another building of the same material and style, but with a rounded corner. Without all the colouring of the atmosphere and light objects, Sinister's buildings end up looking very similar to this one. It's an architectural style I think looks very grim and dystopian, while also appearing quite interesting. It's also pretty timeless. A lot of the images I plan to show have a blend of time periods, but this one seems entirely out of time. I want to say it adheres to the style from the 60s and 70s, but it could've been from way earlier too. If it's not apparent as well, I really like towers. A skyline with varying heights of buildings creates a very striking silhouette - you have the multiple light towers from the test map, and the Dock map has the light-tower on the left of spawn, and the gear-covered turret on the right side. It can also create a sense of oppression, which links to the more dystopian trappings of this building style - the sky is crowded by manmade pillars of stone, practically blotting out the sun.

This is a series of walkways between two old red-brick industrial buildings. Once again, it seems very out of time, and makes me think of various TF2 maps (which I did briefly speak about when trying to pin down Sinister's aesthetic). It was built for a purpose, obviously, but there's this strange crookedness to it as well. That window... doesn't look real. Not once have I seen anything through it.

Here's a more metropolitan setting. The skyscrapers in the back are in the more contemporary "slab of glass" style of the 21st century, but the ones in the foreground adhere to an almost Art Deco look. Tiered roofs, curved bits, interesting and blocky silhouettes, they almost resemble something from 1920s New York. I love that look (definitely lifted from my childhood love of Bioshock), and it retains a sort of timelessness about it too. If I had to hazard a guess, these ones here were probably built in the 80s or 90s, but buildings have had that silhouette for up to a century before.

This image, like most showing the docklands, was frantically taken from a coach window. It shows a wide open street, a concrete overpass, and various grey-brown tower blocks in the back. They're grimy and vaguely brutalist, very likely residential buildings. One thing that I don't plan to replicate; this part of the city is very wide open, with ample space for both vehicles on the road and pedestrians on the pavement. If you haven't noticed, I built most of the Dock map without a distinction between road and street. It was built as a game level before a real-life place, and on an immersive level, it wasn't designed around the tenets of modern city planning. The largest things to go through the streets are Equalizers and those big carts, used for moving boats around the Dock area. Otherwise, they are basically labyrinthine and narrow, similar to how Gotham was portrayed in Batman (1989).

This is another image showcasing a blend of architectural styles. On the left, in the foreground, there are some classical buildings; with their jutting turrets and spires, they're a hallmark of any vaguely historic town. Notice that they also curve around the street, a juxtaposition with the buildings on the right. These were probably built in the 70s, and while it's not an amazing look artistically, the way that the perspective makes all the blocks layer onto each other is certainly an interesting look. Then we have the outlier; the tower on the left, in the background. It doesn't seem to adhere to any time period I know of, and it also seems very out of place. It also seems fake or too small, like it's a veneer of an actual building. It's a look that reminds me of Half Life 2 - in that game, all the city skyscrapers are really small, but are projected much larger then they actually are in the skybox. If you play Gmod, you can fly out into the distance and find a tiny city block, and if you stand in it, you'll appear gigantic alongside the buildings on the horizon. The whole blend of slightly depressing tower blocks and assimilated historical buildings does look like Half Life 2, if only slightly.

I took all these images with purpose (apart from 4, which was an impulsive snap), as they appear almost as dioramas of real places; curated snapshots. Maybe it's this way that my brain works that has led me to pursuing game design, but isn't a tiny snapshot of an implied larger location a video game level? In Image 1, the clock tower creates an imposing, distinctive silhouette, leading the player in. In Image 2, the walkway appears fake because it's not an area the player will ever be in. In Image 3, the layering of skyscrapers with the more distinctive ones at the front create the illusion that the block is larger than it actually is. In Image 5, the street level is more detailed, while the skyscrapers imply a larger cityscape, despite the fact that the player will never be able to enter them. I believe the designers of Bioshock once said in an interview or something that they built each part of the game as an area in a theme park. They're a playable area designed to feel like a real place. It's this sort of philosophy that I've taken to heart, although perhaps unintentionally. The Dock, for example, is two warehouses and a waterfront of four shops. But you get the idea of what it's supposed to be. The cityscape beyond the seawall is a hodge-podge of blocks, but you understand that it implies a greater city area that the player can't reach yet.

I'm going to use the same line of thinking in the City level. It's not an actual city, it's a tiny approximation of a city for you to play through.

[ahhscheisse]

before I get into this, I want to say that I added internal dialogue like how I was feeling and stuff and also that idk if it’s a schizophrenia thing or what, but I can remember most of my dreams like I experience ptsd flashbacks or like. I can close my eyes and hear them moment by moment if they hit me hard enough. also I woke up and wrote this shit down almost immediately. so. I'm sure I got shit wrong but I can still hear their words and things happening and it’s been a solid 24 hours since I had it. but I digress... lets fuckin goooooo.

this dream started out with me working the night shift at a giant chain hardware store. a friends family - all the women I'd met - from my hometown were my coworkers. the shift was ending and they asked me to stay bc they were having a group dinner. i didn’t want to stay because i just wanted to go home but i was always scared of thelma - she wanted me to be more social so i caved. the food ended up being the best home made korean food i’d ever eaten, which I thought was funny because the only food they ever fed me when I was around them was home made Mexican food or shakeys pizza. they invited me to the old house across the street from the quad for a movie. i was stressed bc i struggle to sit still long enough to watch a movie if i can’t use my hands on something my brain likes. art or something.

suddenly everyone shot up out of their seats and told me i needed to see a show “right fucking now, get up hurry.” it was just down the street so we were all running through the whittier suburbs. blurs of purple and green and brown from the jacaranda trees. we walked into a building - glowing blue and purple and gold and green - and eddie vedder was playing a surprise secret show. it was crowded at first and then it wasn’t crowded and i managed to get as front row as you could get. my memory is glitchy - i think he was singing “alive” - but he looked down at at me and smiled and then the room was empty and so quiet and we were at an old piano together and i couldn’t smile, i just wanted to cry and ask him how he survived and how he moved on from a shitty stepdad, from not having a real dad, from bad life stuff - and eventually ed nudged me. he put his hand behind my head, right where my spine meets my skull, and my brain was like. soaking in warm ocean water. “the ocean cleanses,” he said. it was like we were in water now. i thought about hawaii. maybe that’s what the water feels like? i wasn’t cold or hurting anymore. my hands felt younger and newer. no pain. he told me, “life doesn’t have to be so hard, kid, seattle is pretty fun. make music. write lyrics. who cares if they’re bad? remember life so your life can be a better one.” i keep hearing it, even now. hours later. his big, deep voice echoing from an empty room with aluminum walls or something. that’s what he sounded like. it went into my blood stream. i wasn’t cold or hurt anymore. my veins were blue with gold specks shinning thru my skin and i thought, “your voice is crazy powerful.” he heard me and laughed. said it was the tequila and pickles. i smiled, said, “i think it’s more than that.” he was wearing a light beige hat with a black band. you know the one. he handed it to me and then it was a tambourine. he patted my hand before i took it. i thanked him, said i’d wanted one for years, and he said, “don’t forget, there’s a place for you in seattle. the water is warmer than you think, even when it snows. orca’s, y’know? don’t wait. you gotta find a life if you really want one.”

when i walked out of the building, i had a lot of feelings in my chest. i felt close to puking. i wanted to ask ed what he meant but got distracted because now i was surrounded by a fair ground with tents everywhere. it was so hot and cold at the same time. my arm felt empty and i realized i’d lost ravi. i started running around calling for her. so many people had miligold macaws - but their beaks were white or their eyes were too dark or their blue feathers weren’t the right blue or i’d look at them and they just weren’t her. a doctor pulled me into a hospital tent, it was raining, and i realized my arm was bleeding and that i had blood on my fingertips bc i’d been scratching it. she saw and said for me to wait where i was, to not move, so i knew she was going to 5150 me. i panicked because if they took me, i wouldn’t be able to find ravi. she’d be lost forever. i figured i’d just get help on my own thru therapy so i took off when no one was looking. i kept feeling like, “it would just make me worse to lose ravi, hospitals do so much damage anyway. and ravi doesn’t deserve to die bc they won’t wait a god damn minute.”

it felt like an hour before i saw someone holding ravi. i was sobbing. people were looking at me like an insane person. i just felt like losing her would take whatever living reason i had to keep trying away. i knew it was her this time, tho, so i called up to them and thought, “oh great, dracula found her.” this tall lanky guy in all black… black straight legged pants, black shoes, black socks, black shirt, black thick knitted cardigan - all different shades of black - walked down some scary steep stairs and handed her to me and i kissed her and held onto her and held back more tears before realizing dracula was actually chris cornell. he looked so gentle and fragile. almost worried. said “sorry” and i said “thank you, you found her.” he was kind of hunched over but he was smiling now. he looked back up at the people behind him - all of them had orange skin and blue suits on drinking something thick and neon green and yellow out of martini glasses. he asked if he could come with me. i said, “yeah, sure, it’s far, tho.”

all of a sudden we were on a bike. i was peddling and he was standing on the back pegs. he had his hand on my shoulder while carrying ravi so i could focus on steering and was humming “show me how to live.” I look back and laugh bc I swear, at one point I'd wanted to ask him how to live. i felt so calm bc everyone was looking at chris cornell and ravi, and his hand on my shoulder was nice, too. my heart would do the adrenaline thing when i’d hit a bump or wire on the ground and he’d squeeze my shoulder, sometimes he’d pat it. say, “you’re all good, man.” he was so warm. like one of those warm people that seem to take all the bad out of you and keep it locked away inside themselves so it doesn’t find their way back. my gramma was like that. i laughed and thought like, “i’m so glad he exists. ed, too. gramma would’a liked them.”

we made it to my moms car. my aunt was there and got out of the car crying, frantic, cussing. my mom got out and said she was so worried. thought i’d killed myself. how could i do that to her? chris got off the bike and idk why but he put his hand out for me to take as if he were a princess walking down some stairs. my mom said, “oh, holy shit.” i introduced them and chris said, “your kid is just a funny little guy. i knew a funny little guy once. the skies nice, huh? you can see everything down here. no rain.” and then i woke up.

[emeritus-fuckers]

Match me up pls! (With one of the papas)

I am 22, 5'2" and I am kinda chunky(but I'm also healing my self image so idk)I currently have blue hair, my natural hair color is light brown and I have pale skin.

Personality wise, I have 3 adopted children, trans boys, I am autistic and neurodivergent. I am protective over who I love but also can be fairly relaxed. I am not organized, but I try to be. I have a dairy allergy and I am kinda picky with my food but I'm open to trying anything. I have religious trauma from being raised Christian which has made me question my religion and I'm still not totally sure where I stand on that. I have been in a few relationships before, all of them ended on pretty good notes. For fun I like to read, draw, listen to music and create art. I pursue what I am passionate about and what makes me happy. I go out sometimes with friends but I have problems with loud noises and crowds so usually we just watch movies. I am bisexual, and I really like cats.

This post is a part of Match-up Event. The Event ended on July 15th.

Your match is Primo

He's raised his brothers, so while he may not be able to keep up with your kids, he'd love to help you in any way he can, be it advice or anything he can do (he offers to read books to them if they like it or play with them in the garden to the best of his ability).

He's very helpful and comforting both to you and your children. Incredible when it comes to healing your self-image.

He's very attentive to you in general. He listens to you talk aboutt your traumas and puts aside his own role as Papa and his connections to the Clergy.

He will talk to you about his own experiences. He's got religious trauma too, having been born and trained for his role since young age. He understands.

He's willing to try different types of food with you, as long as it's not too wild. He's old, he might get digestive issues :<

He likes your hair a lot! Offers to help you dye it because he remembers doing it for Secondo when he was younger and was gong through his new-hairstyle-every-week phase.

He supports your passions and hobbies!

Lets you spend as much time as you want in his garden so you can make your art.

He'll be honored if you give some of it to him.

~

Written by Jez.