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bsaffairs · 3 years ago

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Pain from Affair

It’s really fucked up. Im being forced now on this intense, painful ride that I didn’t ask for.

I met my husband in 2006, and we were married a year later. In my eyes my husband was this perfect man. He was so much better than me, and I never thought I deserved him. He was this wonderful father and step-father, he loved me so much, he was always there for me, and everyone would say how lucky I was to have him. Come to think of it I don’t think anyone has ever said he was lucky to have me, just that I was lucky to have him, and I was. Imagine at the end of a race where 1st, 2nd, and 3rd place winners are put on these pedestals in front of a crowd, there he was on that high 1st place pedestal. I am not meaning to sound as if I am putting myself down, I know I am a good person with a good heart, but I struggled on and off with addiction, and depression, and it not only affected him, and our kids, but also our marriage. He never had addiction issues or mental health issues; his only struggle is that he married me. I fought hard to be better, I sought help, and finally by 2016 I no longer had drug or alcohol relapses, my depression was under control, I was happy and loving life for the first time ever. He was the first person in my life to stand by me, and not toss me out like garbage.

It's been three years since I have seen that man mentioned above. I literally grieve the loss of him as if he were dead. In a sense he is. I know I am not supposed to use absolute words such as never and always, but never again will I see that man on the pedestal. Maybe it was unfair that I thought so highly of him, almost like setting us up for failure. When I am forced to loo back at him then and look at him now, I can see that he was never this perfect husband or this perfect father, far from it. He was a decent man, a hard-working man, and still is, but just like I had my demons, so did he. You know the saying, “Everything in the dark will eventually come to light?” Oh, how true that is. He worked so hard at fooling everyone, and acting like this great husband and father, in reality he wasn’t. His demons varied from mine; porn, lying, needing an unhealthy amount of attention, and “atta boys” to feed his ego.

I will only be skimming the surface on my life and his affairs, more as to show you references and examples. I am an open book, so if you would like me to elaborate, or have any questions, please just message me, and I will gladly share more in detail. I just want this guide to be about you, for you, and helping you heal, so by year three you will be enjoying your life.

I am not going to give a shit ton of attention to the AP (affair person) in this ordeal. She doesn’t deserve it. I will say this though, Men who cheat generally “cheat down.” They want the attention with no chance of rejection, they want someone to say just how great and amazing they are, and so they cheat with a person who has low self-esteem, easily manipulated, gullible, usually low social status, and to most unattractive.

(For my situation quickly: my husband and I are both good looking people, we are successful, upper middle-class folks. We have nice cars, own our home, lots of land, own businesses,’ four wheelers, golf carts, we take extravagant vacations, etc)

The AP is far beneath our social status and financial status. She is jobless and has been for some time, she is not attractive, she doesn’t keep up with her appearance. She is completely unstable, homeless as of today’s date, she has been institutionalized in mental facilities, she even slept with his brother and his cousin, her teen daughter, she lives in complete clutter, filth, as she doesn’t clean, she has several repos and evictions, has 4 kids with 3 different fathers, and didn’t keep custody of all her children, and she is even a convicted felon! I could go on, but I think you get it. (I was going to include a photo but decided against it. I have no problem showing the photos though. Whatever vision you have in your head right now I promise the reality of it is so much worse, so if you want to see the photos message me and I’ll send them.) I know he is the one who should be damn ashamed and embarrassed, but I am. My husband wanted to be with someone like that? Yeah, I get it she showed him attention, but hell a DOG would have also.

My husband even sank as low to involving his own son, my step-son, in his affair. Talk about dad of the year, and teaching your child morals, right? I’ve been his step-mom since he was 9 years old, now 23 years old. I will always feel as if I am just a stupid joke between them, and I have to remind myself that it is them who are the joke. Naturally my step-son and I relationship has changed; I was put in my place that I’m just “the step-mom”.

I can only blame him so much, he had parents, who only confused him his whole life. He had a mother that used him as a chess piece to gain whatever it was that she was seeking, a father who played into those games, and too afraid to take a stance, so he never had anyone to instill him with family goals, integrity, decency, and morals.

Could this get anymore FUCKED up? Well, yes it can, but the rest I will leave between private conversations. I will end up writing a 500 page plus book if I were to put everything. If you are shaking your head and wondering why I stayed, I can’t blame you. I question my decision to stay often, I still think of leaving often, then I remind myself that I love this man, and I do know he loves me. Let me explain: He didn’t intend to hurt me. He didn’t set out to cause me pain. It isn’t as if he purposely wanted to gun me down. He was thinking only of himself, he was as selfish as one can be. His selfish decisions hurt every single member of our family, including our kids

When he finally got a glimpse of the wreckage and destruction he caused, the pain and hurt in his wife, the hurt and disappointment his children now felt, and even his friends now saw him differently, he broke down, and started to change himself. He finally saw, and maybe for the first time, what he was fixing to lose, and what love really is. Love is not the butterfly feeling. Love isn’t a feeling at all. Love is a verb. Love is staying when you feel as if you hate that person, but you know deep down you don’t want to live without them. Love is fighting every day to never give up on each other, and to pick each other when one is down. Love is enjoying life and each other, but it also staying and not giving up when at times it seems like the only option.

#family #infedelity #cheatinghusband

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slasherkisss · 5 years ago

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Hello my lovely dear!!!! How would any of our deadly babes (your choice who) respond to an s/o who tends to hyper fixate on like projects as a coping mechanism??? I have been having that going on lately bc issues and have made waaaayyyy to many origami butterflies (it's all I know how to do) Love you!!!!

[ooo lets go with some classic and some underrated shall we-]

Slashers With a Hyperfixating S/O:

Michael Myers:

Doesn’t particularly mind or care so long as you don’t drag him into it

Or it doesn’t interrupt anything he’s doing. Or it doesn’t hurt you in any way.

Like if you end up hyperfixating on a puzzle or a sculpture he’ll leave you to it, just kind of peering over your shoulder once in a while to check your progress

Calls of ‘Hey Michael! Do you wanna join me?’ are just blatantly ignored and he tries to just let you have your time

When you finally DO get him to join you in something though, you have a 50% change that he’ll accidentally hyperfocus/hyperfixate on the thing right along side you

He doesn’t mean to do it, it’s just his ability to garner new Obsessions is a constant detriment to his health and mindset

He might go even harder than you.

“Michael did you stay up all night just to use up all the origami paper and make those butterflies?” -sleepy nod- “Now I gotta go out and buy more paper for myself!” -shrugs- “>:/”

This brick wall of a man is a disaster to have at your side either way, proceed with caution.

Bubba Saywer/Leatherface:

Always interested in whatever you’re doing, Bubba is the most supportive of the bunch when it comes to your projects

He knows how it is to want to learn how to do something and do it well! His decorations that he makes with bones aren’t just for show, you know!

He’ll learn all about your fixation and find you the best presents to give you!

Will want you to teach him how to do whatever it is you’re doing at all times. He’s not the fastest learner, though, and it may be frustrating but be patient with him! He’s doing this so he can spend time with you!

Will be there to remind you to eat and take breaks

Gentle nudges and plates of food and lemonade/sweet tea set in front of you, followed by worried grunts and mumbles if you ignore it

“Just one second, Bubba, I’m almost finished with-” -LOUDER WHINE- “Okay! Okay I’ll eat I’m sorry!” -proud hum-

Wants you to enjoy your things but also remember how to function as a person

Asa Emory/The Collector

Admires your commitment and urge to finish things

Will buy you supplies whenever you need them.

You won’t know, though. You’ll never ask. They’ll just appear at your workspace one day with a little note and that’s it. He shows his support in those small ways

He won’t get as into your projects. He has his own life and studies to work on. He’s a busy man, after all

If your projects start to get in the way of his time with you then he’ll get annoyed, pushing past them to be your main focus out of spite more than anything else

No you CAN’T keep working on the rubix cube tonight, Y/N, it’s OUR night and i’m going to make you focus on ME

Has very set rules of when is appropriate to work on the things, which may get annoying for you since your mind is always so intensely focused on them

He hates having to set a schedule for you on it, but until you prove that you can behave and manage your time like a normal adult it’s what he’ll do.

Nathan Wallace/Repo Man

The most worried of the group.

Like he’s super happy you have something that you’re so passionate about! He really is!

He’s just. Concerned.

“Are you sure you need to focus all this time on that one thing, dear? Take a break for a moment, okay? Let me fix you a drink. Want a sedative to calm you down?”

Nathan himself is very gentle with you in his fatherly sort of worry, always touching at your shoulder and frowning when he thinks you need to take a break. Offers you a lot of food and hot teas to pull you away from it and coax you into relaxing.

Repo Man on the other hand? When he gets annoyed at your actions he just hauls you over his shoulder and drags you off with him.

If you protest he just cackles and rolls his eyes

“Enough of that, Y/N, it’s BORING. I got something much more fun to have us do~.”

That either means he’s going to fuck you or take you and make you kill people with him, you don’t get a choice either way. Anything to get your mind off of it.

Nathan apologizes later and buys you more supplies to make up for it.

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vomitdodger · 2 years ago

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The life of a repo man is always intense.

Classic.

Repo Man (1984)

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goodbysunball · 4 years ago

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Quarantine rock, pt. III

Another long overdue update from the indoors. Hope you and yours are hanging in there - if nothing else, there’s no shortage of great music to keep you company. Here’s my take on some recent favorites.

C. Lavender, Myth of Equilibrium (Editions Mego)

Admittedly had not heard of C. Lavender until her collaborative cassette with Aaron Dilloway dropped earlier this year, but it’s safe to say that the tape was strong enough to blindly buy her new LP on Editions Mego. Myth of Equilibrium has been one of the best surprises from this year, drone at its core but opening up to something much more soothing over repeated listens, despite the jagged edges and tendency to embrace caustic noise. It came as no surprise to find out that C. Lavender embraces sound as a healing medium, as Myth of Equilibrium takes a deep, buzzing bass tone and twists and stretches it until individual packets of sound are weightless and ethereal. “Remedy Potion Extraction” is the most obvious example of this dark-to-light transformation C. Lavender excels at, but mostly the tracks present a satisfying puree of sound over shorter durations (”Engulf the Mystery,” “Dimly Lit Exit”). The brevity is a strength, and in that way C. Lavender reminds me of French duo Femme or even some of Tim Hecker’s work, but without the startling track-to-track transitions of the former or the diaphanous shroud of the latter. The bass keeps Myth of Equilibrium tangible and firmly grounded, and the rest of the sounds conjured by C. Lavender weave a very heady, very rich tapestry. The best respite from 2020 money can buy; soak it in. The LP is sold out from Editions Mego but those in the US can order it direct from C. Lavender for a very fair price.

Kobra, Confusione (Iron Lung)

Alright, I’m admittedly not a huge fan of the cover art for this record, but it’s an easy enough barrier to jump over when the music rips this hard. Kobra is from Italy, and they traffic in a mid-paced, pounding strain of punk that is right up my alley. Sounds like Una Bèstia Incontrolable meets Mecht Mensch to these ears: like the title track, which starts out like “Zombie” and then flips into a UBI-level groove, sax bleating and moaning on top of it all. This is punk through and through, the blown-out drums always there to remind you that this is presented by Iron Lung Records, but there’s a definite early post-punk/art-rock vibe present, too - check the groggy “Fogna” that opens up side B, which kinda sounds like Kobra doing their best impression of the Circle Jerks in Repo Man. The guitars don’t riff as much as they slash and chop, fragmented stabs landing among the onslaught of drums. The vocalist uses a menacing speak-scream (most effectively on ”Sogni Illusioni” and closer “C.P.D.M.”), and if I could speak or read Italian, I’m sure the lyrics would be intelligible amongst the din. Confusione is loaded with hits, but when the band clicks and all the parts come together, Kobra whips up a maelstrom; hard to deny the power of “Dentro Agli Schermi” (my favorite track) or “C.P.D.M.,” and though both of those tracks feature the saxophone, I’m glad the band wields that weapon sparingly for maximum effect. One of the most memorable and exciting punk releases of 2020, for sure, a formidable, brawny brew that’ll flex your pencil neck and have you involuntarily pogoing in no time. Highest recommendation! Confusione is sold out direct from Iron Lung, but Sorry State, Feel It, Grave Mistake, etc. all have it in stock.

Oily Boys, Cro Memory Grin (Cool Death)

The best musical news this year, hands-down: NEW OILY BOYS. Not only was an Oily Boys LP drop completely unexpected, I am completely steamrolled by this record every single time I drop the needle, from the opening “UGH!” on “Given” to the nearly nine minutes of caustic self-loathing on “GTrance.” There’s a definite metallic edge to the way Oily Boys approach punk, from the riffing to Drew Bennett’s brutally intense vocal performance, but while most punkers approach metal as a gimmick and end up sounding pretty tame, Oily Boys just sound absolutely mad - the 1-2 of “C.B.D.” into “My Sex Life,” especially the wild guitar theatrics on the latter, carry an intense, teeth-clenching physicality. If that was all Oily Boys did on this LP, it’d be a success, but the band throws curveballs and mid-tempo fits across Cro Memory Grin’s 13 tracks. “Heat Harmony” was the most jarring inclusion at first, relatively tuneful dark punk that could’ve been lifted from drummer Yuta Matsumura’s other band Orion. It definitely works, and the slightly softened approach of the band thankfully has no effect on Drew Bennett’s vocals. “Lizard Scheme” is another detour, swelling noise and Bennett’s barking (”Stupid is as stupid does, jazz boy!” is a choice lyric), reminiscent of Gutter Gods’ dizzying “Allan.” Probably the two most pummeling tracks here slow the tempos significantly and close out each side: “Stick Him,” my favorite track, and “GTrance,” the exhaustive closer. “Stick Him” is absolutely ferocious, the band emphasizing the quiet-loud dynamic with saxophone, the loud parts lurching into place like heavy machinery turning on, Bennett screaming the title with a violent ferocity. Where “Stick Him” is feral, the screed unleashed on “GTrance” by Bennett feels therapeutic, expelling every bit of toxic bile into the song without a break, and even if there is no resolution, the end result is a momentary peace, the same kind afforded by pushing to the full extent of one’s mental or physical abilities. That kinda seems like the point of Oily Boys, from the self-effacing name to the poisonous lyrical content to the absolutely ferocious performance: know your enemies, push back against the lowering boot of the world, fuck the rest. 2020′s best punk record, no contest, and maybe even the best record/soundtrack to the perfect storm of this year. Sick artwork/inserts on this LP, a nice job as usual from Cool Death. Cro Memory Grin is still available direct from them, and Goner still has it domestically.

Subdued, Over the Hills and Far Away (Roachleg)

With last year’s Bad Breeding LP still fresh and prescient as ever, and the political climate seemingly spiraling into reality TV while people mercilessly struggle and suffer all over, it seemed like scoping this new LP from the UK’s Subdued was more than appropriate. It’s reductive and maybe a little offensive to mention UK compatriots Bad Breeding in the first line of this review, but the similarities are hard to ignore: both bands create fiery politically-charged punk that flirts with metal and noise, delivered in screamed vocals with a heavy British accent. Subdued don’t fly off the rails as much as Bad Breeding; there’s more of a Crass/Rudimentary Peni vibe, with the emphasis on vocal delivery and riffs rather than conjuring a visceral tornado of noise. Sometimes the riffs can be a little clunky (particularly the end of “The Joke,” even though “Is hope the joke?” is a pretty powerful lyric), and for how much room the vocals are given, the lyrics can tread into oft-used clichés. Doesn’t make the message any less true, and I think the longer I spend with Over the Hills and Far Away, the more I come under its spell. “Problem of Evil” is probably the best song here, a near-perfect blend of deathrock, stomping riffs and barked vocals, and when it turns into the sprint of “No More,” Subdued are an undeniable force. Not sure if it just takes me until those two songs to warm up to Over the Hills, but the B-side of the LP seems to be more memorable - like the world-beating metallic riffs of the title track, or the frenetic guitar solo that finishes off “Call to Suffer.” There’s more than enough at play on Over the Hills to keep me coming back, and overall it’s a strong debut LP, and a great reason to check in with what Roachleg Records is bringing to the US punk scene. Cop the LP direct from Roachleg, and if you’re lucky you might have a chance at one of the limited-to-100 hand-screened covers. La Vida Es Un Mus put out the LP for the rest of the world, another solid co-sign for Subdued.

Aviador Dro, Nuclear, Sí 7″ (La Vida Es Un Mus) // Algara, Enamorados Del Control Total 7″ (La Vida Es Un Mus)

I don’t think these two 7″s have much in common other than the fact that they’re both put out by La Vida Es Un Mus, they’re both sung in Spanish and they’ve both been ruling my turntable this year. The Aviador Dro record is a reissue, one that came out last year, and it’s a gem: sci-fi keyboard punk from the '80s, the titular track one of the best songs I’ve ever heard, a slinking, funky beat driving the song into your brain forevermore. The B-side feels more edgy than the A-side but it’s all undeniably great; Paco did us all a favor by repressing this record, and continuing to keep it in print. Fast forward to 2020 for Algara’s 7″, their debut, which came out way back in pre-pandemic January. The cover art caught my eye, and the spindly, groovy drum-machine post-punk within is immediately addictive. The label says Crisis and Joy Division are in Algara’s musical DNA, and that sounds about right; the sound is spare, you can kinda dance to it, the bass lines carry the weight and the wiry guitars smear into each other (”Miedo a Perder”) or stitch single golden threads into the tapestry (”Dopamina y Producción”). Algara’s a 4-piece now, and they’ve got an LP coming soon on LVEUM, so 2021′s lookin’ bright. Both 7″s are mandatory, widely available from distros and direct from La Vida Es Un Mus. Scope the feature that Lulu’s wrote on Algara while you’re at it.

Saskia, Eeuwig Op Reis 7″ (Stroom)

The record collector sweat starts when you read about a 7″ reissued from a “highly intimate cassette” limited to ten or so copies in 1983, circulated only amongst friends and family. My eyes typically roll at such uncovered “gems” or whatever, but these two songs definitely deserve a wider audience. “My Lips Get Hot” splits the difference between the foggy late night atmosphere conjured by Chromatics and a breezy Balearic vibe, topped by sensual, high-pitched vocals that really drive the whole woozy, lovesick message home. The flip has the instrumental “You Left Your Soul Behind,” wherein said Balearic vibe is now at the forefront. It’s a strong track on its own, but kinda just serves as the comedown from “My Lips Get Hot” in this presentation. Stroom continues to unearth overlooked records with unnerving ease, and this Saskia 7″ might be the one that makes the label a more common name. One copy of this record is left at Stroom’s Bandcamp as of this writing - move quick.

Glen Schenau, “Jhumble” b/w “Jearnest” (self-released)

Glen Schenau is at the forefront of Brisbane’s experimental musical scene; he’s done time in Kitchen’s Floor, Bent and has even self-released a few things under his own name. The solo stuff I’ve checked by him was restless, frantic guitar and bass lines seemingly swimming against the current of his Bryan Ferry crooning. While there’s no denying that it was singular, it never really coalesced for me in the same way that this new 7″ does. That same restlessness is still at play here, obvious from the beginning strumming of “Jhumble,” and Schenau seems to still relish the vocal stylings of Ferry, though his vocals also remind me of some of the alterna-rock radio I was subjected to while working in a warehouse during summers between school. Normally that sort of vocal homage would send me running to the hills, but it really works here: the busy guitar line and the drums lock into an undeniable groove on “Jhumble,” and whatever Glen is singing, the melody is stuck in my head for days. “Jearnest” is my pick, the more difficult foil to “Jhumble”’s pop leanings. The sprightly guitar at the beginning is submerged into this rubbery goo, which eventually takes over the song while a whistle floats in to carry a melody over the tarry pit. Can’t say I’ve ever heard anything like it, but it doesn’t just float along on that claim; this is a highly potent brew served up on both sides of this single. Glen self-released this record and it’s limited to 150 copies; mine came with a hand-written note and drawing, which was a nice touch. High marks all around. I’ve got to echo Matt K.’s sentiments when he reviewed this record: “Seems like every Australian band gets their own album without much delay, so I have to ask: where the hell is Glen Schenau’s?!”

#C. Lavender #Kobra #Oily Boys #Subdued #Aviador Dro #Algara #Saskia #Glen Schenau #Editions Mego #Iron Lung Records #Cool Death Records #La Vida Es Un Mus #Roachleg #Stroom

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rivetgoth · 6 years ago

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Everyone wants to share their Repo! headcanons lately WELL here’s some of my Pavi headcanons since he’s my husband sooooo

Pavi has always sought affection and closeness as a way to cope with, uh, fucking everything wrong with him, just the feeling of being cared about is something he craves so much, and although he’s primarily sought sex as a way to pacify that craving there was a time in his late teens/early 20s where he actually attempted to get married..... maybe even genuinely tried to “marry for love” and, well, it ended disastrously every time as you can imagine, and the spouses ALWAYS managed to “disappear” under “mysterious circumstances” after some time. Eventually Pavi came to the conclusion that marriage is limiting and restrictive and actually EVERYONE should just ALWAYS be available to ANYONE!!!!!!!, but don’t ask him about those past marriages because he does not want to talk about it.

I’ve said this one before but Pavi looooves industrial music.... he’s visibly covered in industrial tattoos so it’s canon! Similar to how people now sometimes can be pretentious about their love of classical music because it’s like, old and vintage and in some ways considered to have more depth than modern music or whatever, Pavi is all pretentious about loving industrial music and sees it as a cool retro vintage thing and will tell you about how complex it is, but like with most things in his life his love for it is pretty superficial. He loves Revolting Cocks (he has a RevCo tattoo!) cuz they have fun stupid songs about sex and shit. He loves Skinny Puppy (which he also has tattoos of) because being the absolute narcissist he is, he really wants to fuck Nivek Ogre.

Pavi’s insecurities really show in the way he SMELLS cuz he wears an absolutely obscene amount of overpowering cologne at all times. He’s really, really, really worried about smelling bad, especially now that he’s taken to wearing dead skin stapled to his face, but ironically the overbearing intensity of his cologne is so much that it just has a reverse effect and makes him even harder to be around.

(That being said, I always thought that if Pavi was an animal he’d be a skunk, because skunk fur is seen as extremely luxurious and glamorous, but of course the downside of skunks is their fucking smell, which I think is a funny way of interpreting Pavi being this high class fancy spoiled rich boy but also being a fucking freak.)

On the topic of animals, Pavi is not a dog person, or a cat person, or an animal person at all. He doesn’t have the capability to care about a little living creature entirely dependent on him that does nothing for him in return. He’s simply too lazy and too finicky about things. Animals smell and destroy things and leave fur and drool and it’s horrendous to him... As a kid he wanted a puppy though, and there’s a part of him that’s still very much a child and still kind of wants a puppy, but he can suppress that pretty easily be reminding himself HOW much fur it would leave and how it would probably jump up on him and ruin his nice clothes and jump up on his furniture and his bed and ruin all his nice things and chew up his pillows and scarves and be noisy and need so much damn attention... At best he might have some little designer pet, like a really overbred yappy little teacup thing that would be 99.999% taken care of by some poor Genterns that Pavi would pay attention to for 2 seconds a year for a cutesy photoshoot and then forget about again.

Pavi thinks Repo Men are SEXY!!!!!!! and actually may have even considered BEING a Repo Man at some point cuz it seems so sexy and fun, but the thing is you have to have, like, a medical background, to be able to actually... get the organs returned safely, otherwise there’s no point, and Pavi absolutely did not give enough of a shit to get through medical school and it was so dreadfully boring that he decided that instead of being a Repo Man he’d much rather just fuck them anyway.

Pavi actually really looks up to Luigi. When I saw Ogre in ‘17 he said that Pavi loves Luigi even though Luigi is awful to him. I think Pavi thinks Luigi is cool and smart and tough and like, basically everything he isn’t. I always thought that part of why Pavi kind of plays up how much he wants to inherit GeneCo in order to try to like, compete with Luigi because he looks up to him so much and it’s kind of cute actually, like he’s trying to emulate his big brother, but because they’re stupid evil idiots it comes off... less cute. With Amber he actually also envies her a lot (Ogre has also talked about that!) and wants to be her in a lot of ways. I think Amber knows this and is really really good at manipulating Pavi because she’s absolutely light-years smarter than him.

In general, realistically Pavi really has no reason to want GeneCo, it’s really much more work than he’d care to ever have on his shoulders. When Luigi talks about wanting to run Geneco Pavi just retorts with quips about how loved he is. I think Pavi is more interested in feeling loved than actually running the company. I don’t think Pavi gives a shit about being in charge of anything that would require even minimal effort. He just kind of wants to feel like he’s cared about, by everyone around him but specifically his dad, who is definitely the source of a good 99% of his issues.

Also I have this really long headcanon about Pavi and Nathan you can look at here. It’s angsty! >w<

Also not a headcanon but I have Pavi’s old MySpace article saved via archive on this blog if you wanna see some fun bullshit information like his kinks, his being bisexual, and his “heroes” consisting of Freddie Mercury, Keanus Reeves, and Vanity Smurf. ;D

#repo! the genetic opera #pavi largo #soft hooting #repo

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mwolf0epsilon · 6 years ago

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DBH - The Giraffe Story

And here you go! Another OC drabble, this time another human. Asad Siddiq, or Mr. Siddiq if you prefer, is a Pakistani immigrant who became a successful environmental lawyer. His hobbies include taxidermy and rescuing animal androids. He was the one to give Carl his decorative giraffe, and the story behind why is a bittersweet one.

Enjoy

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It all started with a lonely giraffe in a zoo. Granted you could say it actually started when the news announced said giraffe's mate had died, leaving it as the sole member of its species still walking on the face of the Earth, but frankly that sounded a lot worse than it really needed to be, and Mr. Siddiq wasn't one to add more of a negative tone to an already bleak situation.

So, like any other reasonable gentleman, he liked to think it started with the giraffe, and not with what led him to it.

For all events and purposes of this odd little romantic tale, it all started with that one lonely giraffe and two equally lonely men in their late 50s.

He'd been widowed for at least two months now. Once married to a darling spitfire of a woman with a hardent passion for nature just as strong as his own, and now married to his work in conservation biology and environmental law.

You could call him well adjusted and ready to move on, but Siddiq himself wouldn't call it that. For one, it still felt odd being alone in the house they'd built together.

He felt that it was much too big for one man to live in on his lonesome, with corridors filled with professional photographs of various animals and remote locations, as well as various trinkets acquired on many journeys.

Each trinket, each photo, spoke a tale of its own. A shared story that sadly there was no one else to stand by him and traverse those lovely memories with, nor to look up in awe at the subjects of his and his late missus's interests.

From proud pouncing tigers to the gentlest of monolithic elephants, immortalized in their works. He'd been a photographer once, just as she'd been a painter before she became a cellist.

He seldom received visitors, much less a letter or call from his relatives who elected to remain living in Pakistan despite his offers to accommodate them if ever they needed a change of scenery.

Without Darlene, home just didn't feel complete, which contradicted the mere idea that he was done grieving his loss, much less the loss of opportunity to ever have a substantial family.

A 55 year old was expected to be a grandfather by now, but neither he nor Darlene had ever had much of a chance to spawn and raise a child.

Much like the giraffe he was visiting, Mr. Siddiq was at a loss for how to remedy his mournful moods. And no amount if work, as devout as he was to his cause, could fill the void his own departed mate had left.

Mr. Siddiq had known for a while that the Detroit zoo was having issues maintaining the exhibits. For all that they desperately tried to keep their animals in good health, it was getting harder to tend to the needs of their larger animals who were at risk of going extinct.

Breeding programs were ineffective and far too stressful for the animals, and the lack of even numbers of opposite sexes was slowly becoming a problem.

Without a diverse gene pool, there was a high likelihood of inbreeding occurring, and that was unacceptable.

There was also dietary issues for the herbivores who's main sources of nutrition were slowly disappearing as well, with the extinction of certain species of trees and other plants.

They could introduce substitutes, but a lot of animals were very picky eaters...

It wasn't for a lack of trying that things didn't work out...There was just not much they could do anymore to save certain species, as was the case of the giraffe. This of course, was being used as an excuse for Cyberlife to produce more android animals which, while quite useful for educational purposes, were grossly misused in entertainment more than in the spread of information. Why bother with the real deal when you could use androids for whatever you desired?

A pity, he thought, as he stared up at the large mammal as it seemed to roam aimlessly in its enclosure. It was searching for another that was no longer there, who'd never return.

“Poor thing...It's never known freedom and now it'll die alone...” he spoke to no one in particular as he watched the poor creature continue it's aimless passing. He could empathize with it's struggles.

A hum of agreement made him pause, startled out of his thoughts, before he turned to his left and saw his unexpected sympathizer. A man, possibly in his 50s much like Siddiq himself, stood leaning against the rails while staring up and up just as he had been, at the long necked ungulate. If the giraffe took any notice of the addition to its audience of one, it did not show it whatsoever.

“Indeed. It's quite a pitiful story...To be born to entertain humanity, meet the one other that can understand it, and then be left to rot because it was deemed a lost cause the moment it's significant other passed...” The man smiled bitterly “All it's ever known is a caged life, acting as an object of a crowd's admirations, and now the one speck of happiness it had, it's mate, is no longer there to help it pass on peacefully when it's time does come...”

“Poor Jeoffrey.” Siddiq agreed while turning back to look at the animal. It had paused briefly before turning around and snorting. It had given up looking in that part of the exhibit perimeter.

Brown eyes wandered back to the other man, studying his features carefully.

The man was quite slender, with a posture indicative of a sort of regal yet rebellious nature. The stance of a upperclassmen who'd earned his fortune through hard work and ingenuity.

His hair had begun to grey, although Siddiq could still identify him as a brunet. The blend of chestnut and silvery hues seemed to compliment pensive blue pools that gazed so intently at the giraffe enclosure.

He could almost see gears turning from the intensity of that stare alone.

A studious and clever man, one with a potential eye for detail.

A photographer or an artist.

Most impressive were the tattoos.

Hexagonal patterns that seemed to fill and ripple alluringly on pale flesh, ending only where wrist met callused hand.

Mr. Siddiq stood in the presence of a very handsome man.

“You know, giraffes were always my second favorite animal...They aren't very picky with what company they seek.” he commented as he tried to look away, mind threatening to wander from the topic at hand due to the aesthetic pleasenthoods of his companion.

“Quite the clever and majestic creatures.” The other agreed as he continued to watch the giraffe trot around in its enclosure, now wandering in the opposite direction it had once been exploring.

It ignored the food it had at its disposal. The zookeeper's had expressed their concerns that it no longer ate as it should. “Truly, they are beautiful animals. It will be quite sad to see this poor fellow go...”

“The veterinarian that worked with the giraffes would beg to differ...She was quite frustrated Jeoffrey refused the female from the breeding program before the poor thing passed away of complications. She was adamant there would have been hope for the species, which is doubtful at best…”

“...You're telling me someone had prejudice against a gay giraffe in this day and age?” the amusement was palpable, he quite liked the sound of laughter in this curious stranger's voice.

“Like beating a dead horse, wouldn't you say?” Mr. Siddiq chuckled back. “I must say, the poor thing was much happier when that handsome young bull was around. It will indeed be quite sad when he passes...Although, the owner is a dear friend of mine and he has given me permission to acquire the body later.”

“For what purpose?” he other raised an eyebrow, perhaps unsure of what a person would do with an entire dead giraffe.

“Taxidermy is a hobby of mine...Working on a giraffe...I'd consider it both a challenge and privilege at my age. And then, when I'm done, I will likely donate it to the museum of natural history. Perhaps the Smithsonian if they are interested.”

The man finally turned to look at him, regarding Mr. Siddiq with inquisitive and inviting eyes as blue as gems, before extending a hand and offering a tired yet hopeful smile. The tattoos adorning his arms were indeed very pleasing to the eye.

“Carl Manfred.” he introduced himself, a name that rang familiar.

“Asad Siddiq.” the smile was quickly returned, as was the firm handshake. They'd known right there and then that they'd become good friends, just as Asad knew his greatest work would eventually go to someone other than a museum, although for at least two weeks into that particular project, he hadn't yet known why he'd thought so.

Their brief conversation had led to many more after they'd exchanged contacts. They'd made it a regular thing for the next 7 years, to meet at the enclosure until the day Jeoffrey finally passed.

They felt it only fair that the poor creature would have company in some way, until it's final day arrived.

These encounters eventually evolved into what the Media described as “Carl Manfred's most scandalous affair as of yet”. Complete and utter nonsense, as Carl would need to be married for it to be an affair. Both of them concluded that the Media needed to shove it and allow them peace, as what they did together in the bedroom was no one's business but their own.

No one was too old to date, and neither of them were so close minded that they couldn't appreciate the company of another man. Quite the contrary, as Carl put it to a pesky journalist who'd caught them on a coffee date.

“I was born in 1963, not the dark ages.” Carl had remarked as he'd rolled his eyes, scrolling past the nonsense on his pad and smirking as he found the crosswords section. “If you'd rather I answer questions, then here is an interesting one… What is an eight letter word for someone who interviews people of interest in their personal time off?”

“A...Reporter?” The young man had asked tentatively.

“No. A fuckface.” Carl deadpanned before pointing at the door. “If you want an interesting story to publish go next doors to the bakery, their prices are so outrageous they might as well be the cause for murder.”

Siddiq had burst out in laughter as he watched the young man's face turn to one of shock, before he scrawled and marched off muttering about old people being entitled and rude.

“Reporters these days...Just as invasive as they were when reality shows were the biggest thing…”

“You'll find they still are.” Siddiq replied as he took a bagel from their shared plate, laughing even more at the look of pure horror.

“Good heavens, still?! Have we not grown past watching people make fools of themselves?”

“Never. We are a hopeless kind.”

Then, the day arrived, where Siddiq got a call during one of his and Carl's coffee dates.

It had been a, thankfully, uneventful date this far and they'd been peacefully discussing philosophy, when the zoo owner informed Mr.Siddiq that he could pick up the body that same afternoon.

“I've seen your work.” Carl had commented as he'd arranged for the truck to deliver the animal to his workshop. “A giraffe is much larger than a cat or a moose. Are you sure your old bones can bare stuffing a 800 kg animal?”

“I assure you, if I can tire you after you've had one of your famed “bouts of inspiration” then I'm sure I can manage a giraffe that won't move a single inch.” Siddiq chuckled.

“It's a pity that you'll be working on it...Are you sure you wouldn't want to come with me on vacation?” Carl had leaned against him and rested his chin on Siddiq's shoulder, attempting to sway him with puppy dog eyes.

“I am sure taking me along on a trip with the mother of your son, and the child in question, would be rather awkward…” he'd stated before giving his lover a peck on the nose. “You need to connect with them Carl...I know you aren't a family man, but the boy deserves to get to know his father.”

“I know...But I feel like I can't quite connect with Leo.” Carl confessed. “The boy is 16, and I've just turned 66. Anything I have to say, he'll find rather dull.”

“Carl, if it took 7 years for a very gay and very depressed giraffe to die, I am sure it will take longer for your very bisexual and very stubborn ass to ever grow dull, even to a young boy.” Siddiq reassured. “Get to know him, you'll find you might enjoy having a child.”

Perhaps in the end that had been asking too much. He should have known life wouldn't have made it easy, and that Carl wouldn't come around to the prospect of a large loving family until much later in life, when his mind filled with regrets and what ifs.

Siddiq just never expected to get a call during a conference, detailing the nature of the accident his lover had been in on his journey to return home.

The moment Carl returned, wheelchair bound and perturbed by his predicament, was the day they both knew things would never be the same.

They tried to save their relationship, just as the zoo had tried to save their giraffe population to no avail.

Carl was not in a very good state of mind, had frequent meltdowns, took to using drugs to escape, barely pursued his interests, and refused physical and emotional support.

He had become a recluse in his own home, and Siddiq found himself feeling unwelcome and alone in his workshop for days on end, because his lover no longer desired his company.

He could say he fought to the bitter end to save seven years worth of mutual love and respect, but then he'd be lying.

Fighting a losing battle wouldn't have done either of them any good and, while the breakup was the worst part of the ordeal, Asad Siddiq was not a bitter man and held no grudge.

He knew Carl was not at fault.

The day they finally parted as a couple, was the day he'd completed work on the giraffe.

He had it delivered to Carl's home, and set it as decoration to hide the stairs he could no longer climb on his own. The call he'd walked in on, reassured him his would not be the only gift arriving that same day, as he knew Elijah Kamski to be a young clever man who never announced his presence if not to accompany it with an act of brilliant kindness.

An android might have sufficient patience to set Carl back on track. They were much more resilient than old fragile hearts after all.

“Why are you giving me this?” Carl had asked after the men he'd hired finished setting the taxidermied masterpiece in place. “You worked so hard on it, it'd be a waste to give it to an invalid who's been nothing but unpleasant to you.”

“Because despite what we're about to discuss, I still love you, you old buffoon.” Siddiq replied calmly, before looking up at his work. “Think of it as me leaving my mark in your life dearest friend… As I feel we won't be seeing each other so soon until we've both figured out what we want.”

“Asad…”

“Carl, I don't blame you.” he interrupted before the other could have a say “I understand. It hurts terribly, but I understand why we must say goodbye for now.”

“...I'll miss you.”

“As I'll miss you dearest...”

The apology went unsaid, but it was felt between them both as they shared one last parting kiss.

It was funny.

He'd loved both Darlene and Carl in the same manner: With fervent passion and undying loyalty.

Yet losing Carl had left him feeling hollower than he had felt when he'd lost his wife.

Perhaps because Darlene couldn't control the fact she'd gotten deathly ill and that she had to leave, but Carl had the option of saving their relationship more than once and opted to isolate himself instead because his self-esteem had plummeted with the accident...Either way, he wished him the best, took one last look at the giraffe that had led to their first meeting, and resigned himself to moving on.

And moving on he did.

It was 2038 now. Carl was 75 and Mr.Siddiq was 71. They'd both been very busy since the last time they had formally met.

Siddiq had been right in trusting that Elijah would find a way to help their friend, and Markus was truly proof of his recovery.

Carl had taught the boy well, raising him to be the polite, intelligent and charming young man that he was, and he'd finally made an effort to try mending the gap he'd put between himself and Leo.

Even now, as Siddiq showed his guests around his now extended abode, he couldn't help smile as he watched father and sons interact. It felt even more satisfying having his little Bo's hand in his own, the young girl chattering away to the leader of a revolution that set their kind free.

“Papa's friends have been helping him take away all the animal androids that people were hurting. We have a lot of them living in papa's domes, and they all like it because papa chooses the right sizes and right plants and rocks to make them feel at home!” The YK500 excitedly explained as she looked up at Markus. Boadicea was a treasure and Siddiq had known for a fact Darlene would have loved her.

“You've been busy Asad.” Carl commented.

“Repurposing and remodeling greenhouses into eco domes? I would hardly call that busy. It was quite easy actually…” he dismissed before letting go of Bo's hand and producing a set of keys from his pocket. “Mind the snakes. Ahri is very picky about guests, and Jolene is known for biting tattooed men.”

They passed through a well lit room made to emulate several different biomes. A massive coral snake and an equally tremendous rattlesnake regarded them with inquisitive eyes, before hissing in warning at the three guests. A nasty habit they had to stir up some chaos.

“Charming.” Carl chuckled, giving Markus a reassuring smile as the RK200 seemed to turn a shade lighter at the quantity of reptiles in the room. A phobia perhaps?

The coral snake hissed loudly as if to confirm this, adding an extra spring to Markus walk as he tried to put as much space between himself and the android reptiles.

“Now, what I have to show you Carl, is something I've been very excited about the last few days.” Asad carried on as he led his guests to another door that led outside to the largest greenhouse in his property.

He'd made sure it had been correctly resized to house his newest acquisitions, and his darling Sasha lay outside the entrance awaiting them.

“Is that a tiger?” Leo gulped.

“Don't be scared mister. Sasha is a very good girl! She's the nicest kitty around.” Bo reassured as she ran to meet the big cat. The tiger chuffed at the child in greeting before getting up and walking over to meet with them.

She regarded their guests with mild interest before butting her head against Siddiq's hand. He gave her three nice strokes on her broad back before moving along. “Thank you darling, you may go play with Bo now.”

“Come on Sasha! Papa had Houston's hoof repaired so you can race again!”

“Is Houston a horse?” Markus asked.

“No silly! Houston is a zebra! They're stripe buddies!”

“Oh...Kay…” Leo shrugged at Markus when he seemed mildly puzzled by the idea of a tiger and a zebra being buddies, even if they were androids, before wheeling their father into the greenhouse behind Siddiq. He stopped not five feet in and stared in awe at the inhabitants of the greenhouse.

Markus and Carl shared his look of wonderment, while Asad smiled in satisfaction as he watched his herd of 40 android giraffes walking freely in the massive dome he and his team of WR600s had landscaped into an almost perfect replica of a South African landscape.

“Beautiful isn't it? And to think all of them were rescued from different decrepit zoos...They immediately took to each other.”

“Asad this is…” Carl's eyes were wide and twinkling. Never had he imagined he'd ever see giraffes roaming their natural habitat. Even if this was synthetic in nature, it still felt so incredibly real to them all, and it showed in their reactions.

“I wasn't lying when I said giraffes were my second favorite animal Carl.” He chuckled “I consider them Jeoffrey's legacy... All of these domes are the real animals's legacy in fact. A look into the past.”

“...Isn't Jeoffrey the name you kept calling the stuffed giraffe back at home?” Leo asked, to which Carl couldn't help chuckle.

“Yes, that was the name he was given when he was born at the zoo a few decades ago…” Carl replied “Jeoffrey the giraffe.”

“A rather classic and unimaginative name but it fit him. He certainly looked like a Jeoffrey.” Asad commented “It took me weeks to finish stuffing him, before I gifted him to Carl.”

“A gift I still don't entirely feel like I deserve after treating you so shamefully after the accident…” Carl admired sadly.

“You were hurt, and I lacked patience. I buried myself in work after I realized things weren't going to work out between us.” Asad gave his friend a pat on the shoulder. “We moved on, as did life, and we came out better for it…”

“...Wait wait...So you two were like, a thing?” Leo asked.

Markus also seemed curious on this same matter.

The two merely chuckled and nodded in confirmation.

“How did you meet?” Markus inquired. It must have seemed odd to him, an artist and an environmental lawyer mingling, like the tiger and the zebra. Not many hobbies they shared that could get them in the same room.

“Now that…” Carl started. “Is a funny and rather long story.”

“Well, we don't have to go back home until 18:00, so we have time.” Markus pointed out.

Leo seemed to agree with him, only once looking away to watch the giraffes. Two of them were necking, more so in a show of affection than aggression, while the rest of group carried on walking without them.

“Very well, I don't see why I can't spare an hour or two…” Carl began a tale both he and Siddiq knew by heart. “...You can say it all started with a lonely giraffe in a zoo..."

#eps writes:#fanfic #detroit: become human #detroit become human #OC Stuff #HERE IT IS: TWO OLD MEN KISSING SIME ANGST AND DEAD GAY GIRAFFES WITH UNORIGINAL NAMES

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headlineawards · 6 years ago

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Other Character Fiction Winners

Fiction Winners Other Characters

The Best Thing Since Rainbows Award [Best gen., other]

Winner - "Shilo Died" by Duckydash13 “While we absolutely adored the writing, plot, and concept of Shilo Died, what stood out was the number of ways we were able to interpret this story. Of course, it stands on its own as a description of when and why Nathan told Mag that Shilo had died, but at a deeper level it’s a moment of transition. This isn’t just Nathan lying to Mag. This is the moment he chooses to hide not only from her but from the world. That’s a momentous decision.

At yet another level, the story plays with the idea of hiding. Nathan’s isolated himself in the house. He’s hiding from the world. He’s hiding the truth when he tells Mag that Shilo died, and in doing so he’s hiding his daughter not only from those he thinks will harm her, but from Mag who would care for her. He tries to hid his grief but Mag’s concern is too much for him. “I said I was fine!” Another lie, another truth hidden.

All of these levels of meaning, and we’re sure there are more, make this story a delight to read.”

Runner-up - Not Wholly Human by Kira_K “In "Not Wholly Human" by Kira_K, we see a glimpse of a different Dominion, one in which a new factor not dreamed of in Canon seems to threaten to further destabilize the already precarious world in which David Whele and his fellow Vega Citizens must survive. Just as in Canon, David is the voice of caution against all the alien beings that seem to threaten humanity. But as always, the question remains, are his razor-edged warnings words of wisdom, or merely fear? This careful look at David's very familiar reaction to a very different Chosen One suggests a satisfying if unusual answer.”

The Imagine You & Me Award [Best romance, other]

Winner - Dear Marni, I Am So Sorry by Forestwater “Wow. This is an amazing piece of work. The writing grabs your heart and pulls you in, and it doesn’t let go even after you’ve finished reading. It’s a journey through all kinds of emotions. Despite the sense of doom that hangs over everything, we were so happy to meet Marni and find out what a cool person she was. Delighted to see the friendship both Marni and Nathan had with Mag. And of course, that made it all the more painful when it all shattered into pieces. To say we cried would be an understatement- the intensity, the ugliness, and the sheer inevitability of the events took us far beyond that. And when Shilo opens her eyes at the end, eyes that are so like Marni’s, that brings a whole new kind of tears.”

Runner-up - An Ocean Away by timeladyleo “We can’t wait to read the rest of this story! You’ve really captured the essence of the characters and their stubbornness and insecurities. It’s frustrating to see them stand in the way of their own happiness, but we still enjoy reading it a lot. More please!”

The Gold Blend Award [Best smut, other]

Winner - Infinite by Jay_eagle “If you think BDSM is (or should be) all about pain and punishment and seeking pleasure at someone else's expense, Infinite, by Jay_eagle might just change your mind. This sensitive and evocative depiction of three men loving each other in all of the ways that each of them needs is a testament to the fact that, in the right hands, "Safe, sane, and consensual" can be very, very sexy.”

Runner-up - A Kiss is a Terrible Thing to Waste by Amberswansong “There’s such an off kilter tenderness to this, even in this rough moment between strangers in a ruined world. The way Nathan “introduces” Grave to Marni is achingly sad and quickly passed. The details of Graves’s voracious appetite and agelessness, his eyelashes against Nathan’s cheek—they all create an emotional core in the midst of a sticky fumble. Graverobber’s skill and Nathan’s hunger both seem perfectly in character and the fine line between Nathan and his other half is wrought with subtlety. These two are strange bedfellows, but a sweet and sultry moment shines between them here.”

The Legal Assassin Award [Best dark, other]

Winner - Blood by Derangedfangirl “This is a sharply poetic piece of work. Not a single word is wasted. Even the white space between the paragraphs builds tension, as if the reader is looking in on something we aren't supposed to see. The gradual split between Nathan and the Repo Man, with the notion that Nathan feels as though he leaves his body and watches the killings, is drawn expertly in a new way. The poetic language creates beauty amidst the carnage. Really beautiful.”

Runner-up - Want to See You Again by Crankyoldman “This story was deceptively sweet with Nathan’s interactions with Mag, before diving into the darkness of his true intentions for being at his wife’s grave. It shows a harsh reality of parenthood, feeling like you can’t possibly manage this alone. The tension is expertly built as Nathan performs a Norman Bates-esque ritual with the body, all culminating in the utterly chilling last line. Packs a punch for such a bite-sized story. Great work!”

The Behind Green Eyes Award [Best characterization, other]

Winner - An Ocean Away by timeladyleo for Herc Shipwright “What a wonderful excursion into the life of Cabin Pressure, with Carolyn and Herc at their bittersweet best. The voices were exactly right, with Arthur at his sweetest, seemingly oblivious, but always knowing just what's going on. The emails were a special bonus treat. Listen to your fans, and finish this... with a happy ending!”

Runner-up - Dear Marni, I Am So Sorry by Forestwater for Nathan Wallace “This quiet romance with a tragic ending really struck us. The way this story was written was an excellent understated approach to characterizing a Nathan who wasn't bitter toward the whole world yet, but who had the potential for dark, impulsive acts within him. The frantic scenes as Marni died and directly after are heartbreaking. Nathan's thoughts of being unable to care for Shilo are so relevant to the stress of being a newly single parent to a newborn. It's easy to see how this character transitions into the Repo Man we know. Amazing job!”

The May the Best Man Win Award [Fan favorite, other]

Winner - An Ocean Away by timeladyleo

Runner-up - Dear Marni, I Am So Sorry by Forestwater

Runner-up - I won't let go until you do by Hypothetical_otters

#headline awards

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