#the laughing over text pretty much applies to the au

[teeto-peteto]

new random charts, i took the charts from pinterest and i dont know who's the rightful owner most of the time. if you are seeing this and you dont like having your chart used please say it and i will take it down inmediately! SLIGHTLY NSFW WARNING in one of the charts :)

this one was made by: awfulalignmentcharts on tumblr!!!!

[the-travelling-witch]

𝐋𝐄𝐀𝐕𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐀 𝐋𝐈𝐏𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐂𝐊 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐈𝐍 𝐎𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐌

nonnie asked: lately i noticed many writers writing about reader kissing character's face while wearing lipstick and therefore covering them in it and i found it so cute and then started to imagine your om!ocs and the modern au guys (…) being covered in lipstick kisses too […]

pairings: my genshin modern au guys (xiao :: scara :: aether :: kazuha :: heizou :: venti :: childe :: diluc :: kaeya), my obey me ocs (dantalion :: valefar :: stolas), my twst oc (cheron) x gn! reader

warnings: these lipsticks are not smudge-proof

a/n: as said i might write a full thing for one character when i have the chance but considering i have 13 characters here and i can only think of so many scenarios, i’m writing a few paragraphs each for now ^^;

original ask

modern au || dantalion || valefar || stolas || cheron

𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐧 𝐌𝐨𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐧 𝐀𝐔

𝐗𝐈𝐀𝐎 Piercer/ Tattoo Artist

It had been a busy week in which you hadn’t seen much of each other, so when you finally made it to Friday evening, you were overjoyed to see your boyfriend again. Needless to say, when the door swung shut, the first thing you did was flutter some well-earned kisses across his face, not even bothering to take your make-up off.  So when Xiao spotted his reflection in the mirror, the flush on his cheeks wasn’t the only rose colour decorating his beautiful complexion. While you watched his blush darken, he couldn’t meet your eyes in the mirror and you giggled to yourself as you watched them snap to you when you pulled the neckline of his shirt out of the way and planted a final kiss on the base of his neck.

𝐒𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐀 Piercer/ Tattoo Artist

It was your day off, so for once you weren’t out of the house before Scara, instead getting ready at the same time as him. You made him his usual morning coffee to go after he slept over, since he straight up refused to drink anyone else’s, and kissed him goodbye. Not long after he arrived at the piercing studio, notifications started blowing up your phone and you skimmed the furious string of texts, laughing to yourself. Apparently, Xiao hadn’t said anything about the smudge on the corner of his lips, leaving Heizou and Venti to have a field day when they came in, teasing him relentlessly even after he wiped it off.  As for the accusation that you did it on purpose, who was to say…

𝐀𝐄𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑 Piercer/ Tattoo Artist

“Do you still need the make up remover?” Aether asked from outside your bathroom door. You’d both just gotten back from an outing with the others from the piercing shop, staying longer than you initially intended. But that was what always happened. Venti could be very convincing and the group was too much fun to leave early. “I’m done, but I didn’t notice you wearing any makeup earlier,” you admitted, opening the door to let your boyfriend in.  “Well I wasn’t,” Aether sheepishly laughed, rubbing the base of his neck. And then you saw it. Faint traces of colour decorating his temple, cheek, the corner of his mouth and even the parts of his neck and chest not covered by his shirt. A shade that very closely resembled the lipstick you applied before going out. “You might be a bit of an affectionate drunk.” “Oh my— I’m so sorry, Aether,” you apologised, quickly searching around for some cotton pads and wiping the lipstick off his chest, trying not to linger on the thought too much. “Don’t worry, I thought it was cute,” he assured you, his warm smile seemingly lighting up the room. As you leaned in to clean his face, he took the opportunity to steal a quick kiss from you as well. “You should wear it more often, it looked very pretty on you.”

𝐊𝐀𝐙𝐔𝐇𝐀 Piercer/ Tattoo Artist

Kazuha had come over for lunch, as he often did, taking a break from his coworkers between the plants, sketching if the time allowed for it. When you both had to return to work, you pressed a sweet kiss against his cheek and then rushed to help a customer. And while neither one of you noticed the colour dusting his cheek, the others sure did and wasted no time pointing it out, though all their teasing comments seemed to bounce right off of him.  He wiped the stain away before any customers came in, laughing off how he hadn’t noticed at all. “Of course you wouldn’t notice,” Heizou agreed, a knowing air about him. “After all, you’re way too busy making heart eyes at your florist to even think about looking anywhere else for a second.”

𝐇𝐄𝐈𝐙𝐎𝐔 Piercer/ Tattoo Artist

“Hey honey, could you help me with something real quick?” You called your boyfriend over as you finished applying a new shade of lipstick you bought. As Heizou strolled up to where you were standing, you turned towards him with a smile. “What do you think? Do you like it?” “The colour looks beautiful on you,” he easily replied, sending you a flirtatious wink. “Though I’m not sure if it’s really the colour or just you being gorgeous that’s causing it. Now what did you need help with?” Wrapping one arm around his neck, you pulled him in for a kiss, making sure to firmly plant your lips against his. If your boyfriend was surprised at all, he masked it well, easily melting into the kiss. As you pulled away a little breathlessly, you grinned. “Just wanted to see if it’s really smudge-proof, though I guess it failed in that regard.” You traced a finger around the faint trace of colour on his lips as Heizou took the tube from you and applied the lipstick with pinpoint precision. Turning to you, his olive eyes were gleaming with mischief as he chuckled. “I think we should run a few more tests, just to be sure.”

𝐕𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐈 Piercer/ Tattoo Artist

“This one’s for the song you wrote for me and this one’s for bringing me my favourite coffee without me asking,” you mused, studying your boyfriend’s face covered in pink-hued gloss marks. Somehow a kiss to the temple had ended with you caging Venti against the couch, fluttering a dozen kisses all over the skin you could reach. “Ehe, what can I say, I’m just the best boyfriend ever,” he giggled, tracing his fingers down the contours of your face in return. Then, something in his expression changed and you prepared yourself to shut down whatever idea he was about to propose next. “Maybe I should think about getting one of them tattooed? On my shoulder or so?” “Don’t you dare.”

𝐂𝐇𝐈𝐋𝐃𝐄 Idol

Ever since you had caught a lot of heat from Childe’s manager for accidentally letting your boyfriend leave with a mark decorating his collarbones, you were very cautious of leaving any visible stains on him, even if it was just makeup.  Still, you found ways to work around this little inconvenience. There was one time you signed off a little post-it note you left on the fridge for him, wishing him good luck for a performance, with a lipstick stain. After seeing his reaction of childish glee, it became a staple in your relationship. Then again, whenever Childe came home from work with his makeup still on, he never failed to press a big, fat, lip gloss stained kiss on your cheek, chuckling like the menace he is when you make a show of wiping it off.

𝐃𝐈𝐋𝐔𝐂 Club Owner/ Bartender

Diluc had seen his fair share of shameless make outs during his time at the Angel’s Share and normally he just turned his head the other way, not sure why people would enjoy slobbering all over each other. Well, that was until he met you anyway.  Though he’d like to think he was more composed than the intoxicated people at his club, whenever you pressed your lips against his, he thought he might get drunk off of you. He swallowed hard when you pulled away, mind still trying to process what was happening as his eyes tracked the movement of your own kiss-swollen lips, not hasty to wipe away the traces of you against his skin.

𝐊𝐀𝐄𝐘𝐀 Model

Kaeya actually revelled in it whenever you leave any type of mark on him, as long as it didn’t lead to a scolding from his manager. Whether it was something more durable like a hickey or something easily wiped off like a lipstick stain, Kaeya always looked very smug about it afterwards. After all, the marks were a testimony to the events that transpired previously, and what could he say, Kaeya enjoyed those very much. Even more so considering he knew his way around a makeup bag, confidently picking out shades that looked gorgeous on you and even more gorgeous when they were smudged around the corner of your lips and over his skin. In his opinion, every photo of the aftermath was more stunning than any of his cover shoots.

𝐎𝐛𝐞𝐲 𝐌𝐞! 𝐎𝐂𝐬

𝐃𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐎𝐍 Majolish Owner/ Devil Style Chief Editor

You walked in on Dantalion getting ready, his attention that was previously on his reflection in the vanity mirror flickering to you when you entered. His plush lips, curled into a loving smile, are painted in a flattering shade of red and your gaze was trained on them as you came to stand in front of him. “Are you trying a new shade? It suits you well.” “I am. I’m glad you like it,” he hummed, tilting his head in contemplation. “I wonder…” Cupping your cheek in his palm, the demon leaned towards you and you instinctively closed your eyes as his soft lips pressed against yours with purpose. As always his kisses made a part of your brain short circuit and you blinked at him dazedly for a moment after you parted. There was a satisfied gleam in his bright eyes as he wiped at your bottom lip with his thumb, studying the red stain he left. “As expected, it’s an even lovelier colour on you, my flower.”

𝐕𝐀𝐋𝐄𝐅𝐀𝐑 Casino Owner

“Little lamb, come here for a second.” Valefar was no stranger to finding your lipstick smudges at the rim of his drinks or wiping smudges of colour and gloss from his cheek before leaving for the casino after you gave him a kiss goodbye. He didn’t mind, found it cute even, but as he regarded the pink stain on the collar of his white dress shirt in the lounge’s mirror, he knew it won’t come off with a quick swipe of his thumb. It wasn’t a big deal, he kept spare shirts in his office, but Val wouldn’t pass on the opportunity to fluster you. “Care to explain yourself?” You were halfway through stuttering out a sheepish apology when Valefar backed you against his desk, keeping you pinned to him with a hand on your back. Intense amber eyes keep contact with yours as he leaned down to suck a noticeable hickey on the same spot his collar would be, knowing your clothes barely wouldn’t be able to hide it. “Debts should be repaid, wouldn’t you agree?”

𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐋𝐀𝐒 Popular Streamer

It was a pleasant day in the Devildom, as pleasant as it could be in a realm without the sun anyway, pulling the two of you out into town. While strolling from apparel stores to gaming shops, you passed a café you frequented and decided to stop by for some refreshments. As you pointed around various shop displays, you had the sinking feeling that your drink emptied faster than usual. And when you spotted the colourful stain that had transferred from your straw to your boyfriend’s lips, you caught the culprit red- handed (or rather red-lipped). When confronted he merely chuckled playfully before swooping in to steal a kiss on top of your drink, staining them with more of your lipstick and thereby destroying the evidence. (His straw also became more colourful as he offered you his drink as compensation.)

𝐓𝐰𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐖𝐨𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐎𝐂

𝐂𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐎𝐍 Prince of Hell

When Vil gifted you a set of lipsticks and glosses from a campaign he was part of and had no need for, you accepted them gratefully. You just finished sorting through all the shades and trying out a pretty shade of red, when there was a knock on your door and Cheron sauntered into your room.  “There you are,” he grinned, charming without even having to try, before pulling you close and stealing the air from your lungs with a kiss. For someone who claimed to not be interested in ferrying more souls to hell, he sure seemed intent on trying to kill you. “What’s this you got there? Vil’s new collab?” “Right you are,” you paused, peering around him to the lipstick tube in your hand and chuckling as you read the shade name. Pressing another kiss right onto the middle of his cheek as payback for his usual schemes, you took in the red matching the colour on the corner of his lips. “Don’t you think it’s a beautiful colour, Cherry? It does match your hair and eyes. Maybe I should start calling you that.” There was a dangerous glint in his crimson eyes, clearly aware of the red staining his face, as he swiped his thumb under your bottom lip where the lipstick left a smudge as well.  “You have a lot of nerve marking the Prince of Hell.” His grin showed off the points of his fangs more clearly now, clearly amused at your little stunt, taking a step forward and walking you backwards towards the edge of your bed. “That’s fine. If you can handle the consequences, that is.”

© the-travelling-witch 2024 - do not repost, translate, copy or edit; do not feed my writing to an ai

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[loveofakislife]

who’s better?

eren yeager.

⋆·˚ ༘ * after your now ex boyfriend, jean, cheated on you with his enemies girlfriend, you hook up with said enemy.

𝓦𝓐𝓡𝓝𝓘𝓝𝓖𝓢 : ̗̀➛ mentions of cheating, use of “y/n”, f! reader, modern au! eren, p in v sex, oral sex, unprotected sex (wrap it up yall), dirty talk.

crying.

crying was all you did ever since that night. you were sitting on the couch of you and jean’s shared apartment, finishing up college work to get your degree in buisness management. jean comes in from work, flopping down next you on the couch.

you talked and laughed normally for a little bit, then he tells you he has to talk to you. you felt your heart drop, thats never a good sign. you had so much hope that maybe you were wrong. mahbe he’s just doing that yo mess with you.

you weren’t.

he tells you that two weekends ago, he went to visit a friend, a friend you know well, and they ended up kissing, which ended up in more. you were shocked, how could jean do that to you? how could mikasa do that to eren? you thought they were end game. but boy were you off.

and now, ever since then, all you did was cry, cry non stop in your aunt hange’s guest bedroom. for 6 whole months. you’ve ghosted all of your friends, you’ve barely eaten, you only get up to pee then you’re back in your bed watching random videos.

hange’s been trying to get you out of the house for ages, so you’re not surprised when she bursts into the room, in her usual happy manner.

“y/n! guess what!” she says excitedly, scooting your legs over to sit. you look up at her, humming in response, lifting a brow to signal her to continue.

“sasha’s throwing a party later tonight, this is the perfect oppurtunity for you to get out again!” dammit. you did not feel like arguing with her today, you didn’t want to go. you couldn’t go,

“‘m not going.” you said bluntly. hange sighs heavily and grabs ahold of your shoulders. “yes, you are. i love you y/n, but i can’t let you just sit around and mope for another 6 months, you need to get out!”

you sighed, looking away from her. you knew she was right, you couldn’t just stay here forever. you had to leave the house eventually, but you couldn’t stand the thought of seeing jean again, or mikasa.

“what if jean is there? i’m not ready to see him yet.” you said looking back at her, her face turns from a energetic one to a more sympathetic one. “listen, i know it’ll be hard, but you’re gonna have to eventually! why not get it over with, you won’t even have to speak to him if you don’t wanna, same for mikasa.”

you listen as she talks, then nod as you make up your mind. you’re gonna go to that party. you feel like you owe to your friends. you missed eren, connie, sasha, everyone. you haven’t seen yet alone talked to them in ages, you’ve ignored all calls, all texts, everything. you’ve gotta make it up to them.

you’re now looking in the mirror, fixing your hair after deciding to leave it down. you’re wearing a pretty simple outfit, white baby tee with a star in the middle, black jean skirt, converse with stacked socks. you make sure you look good, applying more lip liner and mascara, before sighing and walk out of the bathroom.

as you’re walking down the stairs, you realize something. you’ve ignored the person that you should’ve been talking too the most.

eren.

he got cheated on too. he felt the same way you did, yet you didn’t reach out? not once? now all of the guilt was starting to settle in. how could you face them after ignoring them for so long? how could you face him after not being there when he needed it?

you almost turned back around to run into your room, then you hear hange’s voice. “oh y/n! you look so good! come so i can take a picture!”

you walks all the way down the stairs with a sigh, and pose for a quick picture. you drop your smile immediately after the picture, and start to rub your arms. “nervous huh?” she asks. damn, that obvious? you nod as she walks up to you, putting an arm around you. “don’t be, there’s nothing to worry about!” she says and you shake your head.

“no there is, i’ve ignored almost everyone at that party i’m about to walk into! how can i face them after doing that to them? i feel so bad.” you blurt out, shoving your face in your hands.

“you should.” you look up at her as she starts. “you should feel bad, they wanted to help you and you ignored them. but that doesn’t mean it cant be fixed, they understand, they know how you are, they’ll forgive you. no doubt in my mind.”

and thats what you continued to replay im your mind all the way there. ‘they’ll forgive you.’ ‘they know how you are.’ and you just hoped it was the tryth.

hange walks you to the door of the huge rental house sasha got for her party, she’s rented the same place before, so you recognize and know it pretty well. hange gives you a nod of encouragement as she opens the door for you. you walk inside as she turns around to go back to the car, closing the door behind her.

you walk inside, looking around at the decor, giggling to yourself. the meat table, this just screams sasha. as you’re walking you bump into a couple of friends you haven’t seen in ages, talking to them a bit before settling in a corner with a red cup. you don’t know what’s in it, it’s fruity but obviously alcohol, but it’s good so you just drink it.

eventually, you spot sasha, the two of you have a conversation to catch up. apparently, her and niccolo finally got together, after basically playing in each others faces for as long as you can remember. eventually, she had to leave because being the host of the party, comes with respinsibilities.

as you’re looking around, you spot eren and connie, and after spending at least 5 minutes debating on whether or not you should go up there, you decide to walk up to them.

you awkwardly stand next to them, waiting for them to acknowledge you. finally, connie looks down and sees you. “oh my god! hey girl it’s been ages!” connie says pulling you into a hug. you smile and reciprocate the hug, squeezing him as tight as he is to you.

“hey! yeah it has, sorry about that..” you say sounding guilty as you direct your gaze towards eren, who has his arms out. you take the hint and wrap your arms around him squeezing him tight.

“it’s been forever, y/n.” he says. you nod as you squeeze him more. “i know, i’m sorry. a lot has happened, i just haven’t had the energy.” you explain, biting your lip.

“it’s okay girl, we get it. getting cheated on don’t feel nice.” connie says, and you feel yourself cringe as you see eren’s face visibly change moods. “but anyways, you look good tonight!” connie finishes as you look up with a smile. “well thank you! i just got the skirt awhile ago and i haven’t worn it so, its basically new and-”

you, connie, and eren continued to talk, and after a bit, connie runs off with some girl, leaving just you and eren. you talk about more random things, lauging, drinking, just having fun.

“y/n, lets go play cup pong!” you nod excitedly, you and eren had a tradition of playing it at every party you went too. “hell yeah! i’m gonna beat your ass like i always do!” “uh, nuh uh! i’ve been practicing!” you guys continue to argue as you walk over to the cup pong table.

low and behold, you beat him. just like you always do. “ha! i told you!” you exclaim jumping up. “damn! i was close, at least gimmie that?” he says back. you nod and respind with a simple “i guess.”

you look around the room, and immediately make eye contact with someone. the person you really did not want to make eye contact with. jean, staring at you with wide eyes. you quickly turn around, and see eren staring in the same direction. you follow his gaze, and see mikasa standing next to him. you tap him on his shoulder to get his attention.

“hey, you okay?” you ask quietly. eren looks down at you with a small smile. “yeah, i’m okay. just, sucks you know?” he says in response. you nod and lean against the wall next to him. “yeah, it does. it sucks knowing that they did that willingly. they weren’t drunk, high, nothing. they just did it.”

he nods and sighs. “i wish they would’ve talked to us about it. like we were all friends, if they had feelings for each other, we could’ve worked out a poly relationship or something.”

“i wonder when they started having feelings, like how long had it been going on?” you said, then cut yourself off. “we should stop talking about this.” you says looking up at him, he, already looking at you, nods. “yeah, we should.”

eren quickly changes the subject by offering you a drink. the two of you drank, laughed, talked about everything there is to talk about, even high school memories. eren looks up to see jean and mikasa dancing together, and eren being his petty self, decides to do something.

“come, lets go dance.” he says yanking you up, you don’t say anything and shrug your shoulders, following behind him.

not long after, you two are more comfortable, grinding against each other hungrily, eren has a firm hold of your hips, dry humping into your ass. his hands trail down to grip the fat, leaning down into you ear, whispering. “you’re so fucking sexy, i’ve been missing out being with mikasa for so damn long, the real beauty was right in front of me.”

you bite your lip, and grind down on him again in response, before looking back at him. “yeah? thats what you think for real?” you ask. he nods and kisses your neck softly. “yeah, i wouldn’t lie. i have no reason to.” he says coming up from your neck, and moving his hands from your ass to your hips, and flips you around.

“i want you. now, here.” your eyes widen as he says this, and you look around. “right now..?” you ask quietly, and he nods. “right now.” you look around quickly, and grab his hand leading him to the stairs.

“i know a room, sasha’s rented this house before.” you say leading him up the stairs, you find a room near the back of the house, and open the door. eren closes it as he walks in behind you, grabbing you and pinning you against the door.

“god, ive been waiting to do this since you walked through that door.” he says, and before you can respond, he’s pulling you into a deep, passionate kiss.

you kiss him back, desperatly trying to catch up with the speed he’s kissing you at. he moves down to your neck, sucking it harshly. you moan at the action, tangling your nails in his hair. he taps at the back of your thighs, and you jump up into his arms. he catches you, holding you by the fat of your ass turning to lay you on the bed.

“can i take your shirt off?” he asks. you nod and lift your arms. he quickly grabs the hem of your shirt, pulling it over your head and tossing it to the side, before doing the same to his own. he leans down and kisses you again, hands moving to cup your boobs through your bra.

you moan as he moves down, tugging your bra down to now suck on your nipples. “mm..” you moan throwing your head back. he plays with your other nipple as he sucks on one, then moves to do the same with the other.

he starts to move down kissing down your stomach. when he reaches the top of your skirt, he lifts your hips, and slides it down your legs along with your undies, leaving you completely bare.

“fuck, you’re so gorgeous.. can i taste you baby?” he asks looking up from between your legs. you immediately nod. “yes, yes please..” he nods and gets to work. he shoves his face into your pussy, sniffing before starting to lick and slurp you up.

you gasp at him starting off with such a fast pace, and moan into your hand looking down at him. he continues to eat you messily, moaning and grunting into you, sending shivers up your body. “fuck.. such a good pussy.. taste fucking amazing.” he says, causing you to give uo on being quiet.

you moan loud as you grip his hair tighter, his hand comes up from holding your hips, to holding your hands. he intertwines your fingers as he continues to slurp at your cunt.

“fuck!! ren, ‘m gonna cum, gonna cum!” you scream out, swueezing his hands. he increases his speed, and pulls back as you release rubbing at your clit harshly to help you ride your high out.

“fuckkk.. you’re so hot.” he says wiping his face with the back of his hand. you sit up, and smile at him and he pulls you in for a kiss. “you taste yourself on my baby? taste how good you are?” he asks, and you nod kissing him again.

“did you wanna do more?” he asks, you nod immediately and he smiles before turns you over onto your tummy, and lifts your hips up. “fuck.. this ass.” he says, giving you a light smack. hearing the small whimper, he smiles and smacks your ass harder. “you like that baby?” he asks and you nod, wiggling your ass back into him.

“gonna put it in now.” he says lining his tip up with your hole. he reaches up and grabs your hand, holding it tightly as he starts to push in. you let out a soft gasp, and wince at the new feeling. you hadn’t actually seen his dick, hell you didn’t even know he took his pants off. but you could tell it was big just by the stretch that hurts so bad yet feels so so good.

“‘m all the way in, you ready baby?” he asks softly. “yeah, you can move.” you respond looking back. he nods and starts to softly trust in and out of you slowly. you let out a soft moan, loving the feeling of the soft and sensual sex.

until it wasn’t. not even five minutes later, he’s ramming into you repeatedly, causing you to moan loudly. “fuck. yes yes! eren.. so good.. so good!” you don’t even know what you’re saying, the feeling is just so good. you don’t know what to do, your grabbing at anything you can reach with your free hand.

eren leans down, his torso fitting perfectly in the arch of your back. “shit.. this pussy’s fucking amazing.. takin’ me so well baby.” he whispers in your ear, the sensation going straight to your heat as he fucks you.

“‘m close! so close..” you blurt out as eren continues to thrust into you. “fuck, who’s better baby?” eren says, you look back confused, but that confusion is quickly replaced by pleasure. “w-what?” you manage to get out.

“you heard me, who’s better?” he asks again, slamming into you harder.

“holy fuck! you, eren! you’re better..” you scream out, getting closer. “better than who?” he asks. “jean! eren you’re so much better than jean!” you say again, grabbing at the pillow on the bed.

“fuck yeah i am.” he says pulling out, and before you can say anything, he flips you around where you’re back on your back, he grabs your thighs and pushes them up to your chest, throwing your legs over his shoulder, and he’s right back to fucking you hard.

you moan loudly at the new position, holding onto his shoulders. “cum! gonna cum eren! erenn!” you let out, he leans in against you, lips almost touching, before speaking. “cum.”

that’s all it took, you cum all over his dick, and he pulls out, jerking himself for a bit before nutting all over your stomach and pussy. “fuckk.. yes..”

he gets up from the bed, and walks into the bathroom grabbing a rag, then wetting it before walking back to you.

he starts to clean you up before talking. “you alright?” he asks, and you nod. “yeah, i’m amazing. thank you.” he nods, and leans down to kiss her forehead, the finishes cleaning her.

“just so you know, i don’t want this to be a quick fuck and go. i want this to go places. i wanna be in a relationship with you.” you look up at him as he talks, signaling him to continue. “obviously, i fon’t wanna jump right into it. take as long as you need, but i do want this to go somewhere, wanna treat you right, if you’d let me?”

you smile as he lays down next to you, and you cuddle into him. “of course i will, and don’t even worry about it. i don’t wanna jump right in it either, we should take as long as we need.”

and from there, you and eren went on multiple dates, and after about 3 months, you guys were officially a couple. you posted a picture of the two of you kissing, and the replies you got from that story were all so shocked.

you and eren sat on the bed reading through the replies, and scrolling through the likes. but one thing caught both of your attention..

both jean and mikasa, had viewed the story.

hihi! i hope you guys enjoyed this, it is a bit rushed, i wrote this whole thing in like 3 hours, it is proofread but lmk if i missed anything! thanks for reading!

[angelskills]

can we please have a college au! Suguru who takes interest in a girl from a different department and he keeps trying to find her and talk more but she doesnt let it? Or disappears for weeks together untul he next sees her?

a/n: omg this is so creative?! i haven't tried writing a suguru fanfic ever, so this will be a challenge, and i love challenges :D, thank you so much for the request! if you want something else, pls lmk, also thank you sm for 200+ likes on my last post, also, i kind of switch the names between geto and suguru, and gojo and satoru. this may not be the best fanfic but if you want something else, pls pls request, i want to write something that you actually want :)) !

Out of Reach

warnings: pw/p(p0rn with plot), tipsy sex, he doesnt pull out (birth control dw), clit stimulation, p in v, vaginal fingering

credits: @hopelesslygaysstuff for the 18+ header

characters: you, Shoko, gojo, geto,

intro: geto notices you for the first time in the library while he is with his friends

Geto had his eyes on you for a long, long time. But, you never noticed. He always tried to find you around campus and talk to you. But, he never could. Geto first noticed you at the library when he was with Gojo. You happened to be with Shoko, who is one of his close friends.

Something about you really stood out to him. He never really knew why, but he took an interest in you. He is lazy, but he would chase you around the campus to try and catch up to you, but it never really worked out. You both had different majors, meaning you would be in different departments. He majored in humanities while you majored in computer science.

Geto thought about you all day long, he didn't want to but couldn't stop thinking about you. You were pretty, with a cute smile, and you were smart. How did Geto know? Well, he may or may not have texted Shoko about you. He lays in bed every night, hoping to get the chance to talk to you one day.

That man was so happy. He actually started smiling when Shoko told him you would be at Gojo's party in his apartment. He was excited to finally be able to have a proper conversation with you that doesn't have him running around campus, slipping like 10 times to catch up to you. Who knows why he was so crazy about you?

It was finally Friday night. Geto always hangs out at Gojo's house and helps prepare the drinks and food whenever there is a party. Geto was yapping on and on about you and how it's so hard to talk to you as he was laying out the plastic plates on the table and ordering the food. Gojo was so annoyed with that man, "Just get her number and text her, dude."

Geto seems like an overall confident person, but when it came to you, he was nervous, he didn't wanna make a weird first impression. "You don't get it." He sighed, sitting on the sofa, "You think she might like me?"

"No, fuck no." Gojo laughed, "You're scared to even approach her, pussy."

"I try to catch up to her."

"Try harder."

Geto rolled his eyes and cussed under his breath. But, it was the truth. He was trying, of course. But whenever he caught up to you, he would chicken out and just, not.

Gojo heard a knock on his door. They both looked at each other and looked at the clock, it wasn't time for the party yet.

Well, guess it was.

He opened the door and saw a bunch of his classmates and friends just come in with bottles of vodka and tequila. Screaming and singing. More and more people came in. You could say almost the entirety of the college students were there, except you and Shoko. G

Geto was in a corner while Gojo had girls all over him. He kept on texting Shoko and spamming her to get here faster.

Meanwhile you and Shoko...

"Hurry up, Y/N, please!" Shoko whined, lying down on the couch, replying to Geto's text.

"Sorry, wait!" You yelled from the bathroom, applying mascara on your lashes.

You wore a cheetah print top with flared jeans and a rhinestone belt. You brushed your hair, thinking about the party, obviously you know Gojo, he's really popular afterall. He was always with this guy. Tall, muscular, and he looked tired all the time. You finally finished getting ready, putting on your necklace and earrings and stepped out of the bathroom.

Shoko complimented you and you guys took a few pictures together. You both put on your shoes and legit rushed out. Trying to find a cab to get to Gojo's place. You were excited, because this was your first ever party, especially in college. Even though you're a sophomore, you avoided parties a lot because you focused on your grades too much. After becoming friends with Shoko, you let loose a bit and finally agreed to go to a party.

Shoko was talking about Geto as you both got in the cab and you couldn't recognize his name. She showed you a picture and you finally realized that was the Geto Shoko was always talking about. You couldn't even deny it, that man was fine, but you didn't say anything.

After a while of asking Shoko for more pictures of Geto and staring at his pictures as if he were the most beautiful man ever, you finally reached Gojo's place. You and Shoko got out of the car, and you were out here taking deep breaths because you were nervous about the party. As you both walked towards Gojo's door, Shoko was reassuring you that everything would be fine and parties weren't that big of a deal.

The door was open, damn. That man was really fearless.

You walked in with Shoko, astounded by how big Gojo's apartment really was. Geto noticed you and Shoko, letting out a sigh of relief because truly, he was worried sick thinking YOU(not Shoko) got in an accident and died. He finished his glass of beer and started walking towards you. Then, Shoko dragged you off to somewhere else, giving you a tour of Gojo's apartment. Geto clenched his fists, muttering out a bunch of fuck you's to Shoko.

Geto finally managed to catch up to you and Shoko, finding you guys hanging with Satoru. You looked at Geto, finally realizing that man was even finer in real life. You gave him a warm smile, before turning back to Gojo.

Geto's face nearly turned red. Did you just smile at him? He couldn't believe it.

"Hear me out, let's play beer pong." Satoru smirked, setting up the plastic cups. It was an upside-down triangle laid on the table.

You looked at Shoko, nodded, and helped pour the beer into the plastic.

You guys played beer pong for a while, switching some of the cups with beer and then tequila and vodka.

Satoru and Shoko were drunk as fuck and out like a light, you and Geto were only a bit tipsy because you both were actually good at the game and meanwhile, Gojo and Shoko sucked ass with their angles.

It was like, 3 a.m., and Satoru and Shoko were still out. You and Geto were sitting on the couch, talking and he confessed about how he always chased you around campus and tried to talk to you, but he always chickened out. You laughed at that, but on the inside, you were screaming. A man, like him, took an interest, in YOU? You talked about how you kept begging Shoko for pictures of him because you thought he was so cute.

There was some tension between you two. You both basically just confessed your feelings at this point. You laughed it out, trying your best not to create awkwardness between you two.

But, he didn't care. Whether it was awkward or not, all he cared was being there with you. Just you being present makes him happy.

He put his hand on your cheek, getting closer to your face, making sure you're comfortable before pulling you into a deep kiss.

You didn't know how it got to this point. From you and Geto laughing at each other, to a bit of making out, and then to you being carried to the guest bed.

He placed you on the bed gently, pulling you into a kiss as his fingers ran down your chest to your waistband, slowly pulling your jeans off. Your heart was beating out of your chest. All of this happened in a flash. He slid your top up so your bra would be exposed. You could feel the dampness in your panties from just seeing him like this. He kissed down your neck to your stomach. His hand slid under your panties, slowly rubbing small circles on your clit. You bucked your hips, trying to squirm away but his hand on your waist kept you in place.

He inserted a finger inside you, catching you off guard. You arched your back slightly, your body squirming as you let out noises. To him, your voice was like a melody, let alone noises. He wanted to get more out of you. He slid another finger in, your wetness making it easier for him. His fingers were so thick, you were almost scared about what his dick would feel like. His fingers curled right against your g-spot, you let out a loud moan, your toes curling as you gripped his shoulder, "S-suguru..." you whimpered. He swore he almost came in his pants after hearing you whimper his name like that. He pulled out his fingers, sliding your panties off.

He inserted his fingers right back inside of your hole. Stretching you out to make you prepared. You gulped as you shut your eyes, moaning as his fingers hit your sweet spot every time he pulled his fingers in and out. He unzipped his pants with his free hand, pulling down his boxers and lining his member to your entrance.

You almost screamed when you saw how long it was. You weren't even sure if it could fit or not. "Say the safeword when you want me to stop, green." He said as he slid his length inside of you, trying his best to be gentle but your pussy felt so good around his dick, he had to hold himself back from cumming right there.

You moaned, "Hngh... s-suguru... please...". He looked you in the eyes, "Please what?" He smirked, his fingers crawled to your clit.

You buried your head in his shoulder, "S-start moving, please." you gulped, you felt so full you thought you would just pass out if he started moving. From this moment on, he loved seeing you be shy in bed, he thought it was so cute especially since it was, you.

His hand grabbed your waist to keep you in place as he started thrusting inside of you. His free hand rubbed small fast circles on your clit, making your eyes roll back from the overwhelming pleasure. His dick hitting your sweet spot and him rubbing your clit at the same time.

"T-too much, too much!" You whined, throwing your back as you felt your orgasm coming. Your hands wrapped around Suguru's neck. It was almost impossible to keep yourself quiet and you were almost screaming but he wasn't complaining at all.

Within minutes, you milked his cock, creating a ring around it. Your pussy clenched around Suguru's cock, "H-holy shit", he groaned. Your toes curled as he sped up his pace, his thick cock kissing your cervix with each thrusts. After a few moments, he filled you with his cum to the brim, painting your walls white as thick ropes of cum spurted out.

He pulled out as he collapsed onto you, but making sure he doesn't put all of his weight. You put your hand on his cheek, smiling before giving him a kiss.

After a few moments, he picked you up to carry you to the shower, helping you clean up.

The very next day, you couldn't even walk.

[floshav]

Friday night and i'm all alone.

Sirius black x fem!reader

modern au

word count: 4k+

warnings: eventual smut, handsy Sirius, sexual tension, nerd reader, underage, drinking, smoking, virgin, first time, fingering, neck kisses, eating reader out, doing this near friends, taking advantage, reader gets drunk, Sirius is aware.

summary: y/n's book and cup of coffee isn't enough to keep her satisfied tonight. There's an itching bite of loneliness that crawls up her back, one that yearns for someone to just be in her presence. So she finally decides to accept the invitation James had sent the friend group a while back to crash at his place this Friday in hopes Sirius would be there. Things get weird between her and Sirius when she arrives. Alcohol is involved, panties are off and there's a bunch of teenage angst roaming the air tonight, everything which should've rung alarms in her head but with Sirius all over her, how could she complain?

The muffled sound of rain, the random channel that was playing on the telly, probably a sitcom with the amount of fake crowd laughs there were. A book in her hand and a cup of warm coffee. The night should've been set perfect for y/n. Her mom was even out of the flat tonight. So she was left all alone in the London flat she'd called home. Away from hogwarts for Christmas meant not seeing her friends for a couple of months which she was usually fine with, ecstatic about even. But this evening was static and lonely. Not the type of comfortable alone time you'd beg to have every now and then, but this empty feeling growing bigger and bigger by every moment another fake crowd laugh was being dispersed on the television screen. She felt her usual self which would just get lost in the book she was reading, become unfocused and panicky. Why did she feel like she had to talk to someone? Touch someone, just contact with anyone. Hell.

The low buzz of her phone shook her out of her depressing thoughts with the notification reading,

James (douchebag):

gathering my place tonight? 11pm good? Bring your own alcohol

Oh shit. Was this real? Had James really invited her over to his house? This was the first time she'd received an invitation from James due to him not really trusting her ever since she joined the friend group, despite the rest of them convincing him y/n was trustable and safe. So she jumped with glee (as much as one could on a sofa with a cup of coffee in their hands.)

The time was 9pm, and the rain had simmered down to a mere drizzle. The pitter patter of the drops still evident outside making the atmosphere fuzzy and warm. An hour had passed since the text and Y/n had been contemplating whether or not she should attend his house party because she was a hundred percent sure quite a few people she didn't know were going to be there. However the thought of Sirius possibly being there overtook her mind. Would he finally notice her as cool if she went? Would he even be there?

She sighed before making her way to the vanity that sat dull and dusty in her room. The lack of makeup she owned was embarrassing to say the least, so she gathered whatever makeup was left unexpired or even intact and wiped the dust off the mirror with the sleeve of her sweater. She looked dead straight into her own soul wondering why she was making such a big deal out of going to a party, was she really that lame? Why did one of her eyes seem wonky or why was her nose not pretty enough. She quickly dismissed those thoughts by slapping her face with both her hands waking her up from whatever dark thoughts that came in.

"Okay. It's gonna be okay, you look fine. Right?" Y/n grimaced at her own words and quickly applied a layer of gloss to distract herself. She did her makeup naturally with heavy mascara just enough that it would probably smudge underneath her eyes, a soft layer of eyeliner accentuating the inner and outer corners of her eyes, concealer to cover up her dark circles and a soft hint of cherry lip balm caressing the buds of her lips finishing her look.

She'd decided to wear something she was comfortable with to the party and looked in the vanity one last time. "Alright. Alright... Hey Sirius. How are ya? Did you hear about longbottom getting a nasty snake bite during quidditch the other day? I mean crazzzy right. Ugh." She frowned at her attempt to whizz up a convo between her and Sirius "Sooo... parties am i right? Fuck this." Y/n sighed before texting her mom to let her know she'd be out for the night.

mom aka top G : Finally you're getting your bottom out the house!

She rolled her eyes at the reply.

The time was now 11:15pm and y/n was positively running late. She'd been ready for around 30 minutes now but was stalling due to nerves. She wondered if she should've gotten all dressed up after all. Maybe she should've just stayed home. It wasn't too late, not like she was stood right in front of James' parents front door.. Oh right, she was.

So she took in a deep much needed breath of the crisp air before removing her hands out of the pockets of her black puffer jacket proceeding to knock once. No answer. So she knocked twice for good measure. She could feel her nose get redder by the minute as she stood outside like an idiot in the painfully cold London air, so she knocked again this time the hardest she could, clearly transferring a bit of annoyance into the knock too.

"James?" y/n yelled

"Lily?" she yelled again

A light shadow grazed past the curtains too blurred to be visualised.

finally her face was greeted with the warmth of the inside of the house.

"Y/n! You made it! I'm so sorry i didn't open the door earlier, Sirius spotted you from the window just recently." Lily said with a sweet smile on her face. She was dressed sweet and softly , wearing a mini dress that was white and innocent yet hugged her curves perfectly, her hair was tied into a messy bun and she wore a silver heart necklace that adorned her neck beautifully, y/n was sure james gifted her that, a long with a small failed covered hickey that sat right below her ear.

"No no, it's okay Lils, I love being stranded in the cold."

"Oh shut up." Lily chuckled whilst grabbing y/n by her shoulders and pushing her into the warm home.

As she entered, the sound of soft rock was being played in the background, surprisingly not too loud. The house reeked of alcohol, something vodka and maybe a few fruity notes too, the place was filled with teenagers chatting and dancing, some even smoking. She wasn't going to lie, this was the coolest she's felt in a while, being surrounded by cool looking people. There were several familiar faces and some unknown but sure she'd seen before. She was quickly brought back to the present as she heard a voice call out for Lily.

"Lily flower, who was at the door?" Called the rowdy sounding James from an unbeknownst direction.

This was good y/n thought. Wherever James was, Sirius was probably at too.

"Only the life of the party!"

"Lils don't say that!"

"Shhh it's for comedic effect."

Y/n followed Lily around like a lost puppy dog, feeling a bit insecure at what she was wearing. All the other girls who were there were dressed normally and sexily just like one should when invited to a bloody James Potter party.

"Ah! There's my favourite little nerd!" James yelled, clearly drunk whilst swinging both his arms around y/n's shoulders carelessly.

"Don't call her that." Remus spoke softly from an armchair he'd been reading a book in whilst sipping on something alcoholic probably.

"Why! I mean its true isn't it? You little little... little nerdy nerdo" James teased before pincing y/n's nose a little too hard leaving a dust of red on the tip.

"Okay that's enough of you James." Lily sighed before attempting to drag him away from y/n having a mini arguement with him in the process.

"Right, sorry bout' James y/n. But i must say, i'm quite surprised to see you here, everything alright at home?" Remus joked with a softness that could melt any girls heart.

"Merlin Remus, just because i'm at a stupid party doesn't mean i've gone insane." Y/n rolled her eyes

"Pffft, but you sure look insane" Called the familiar voice of... Sirius fuck.

He sat prettily on the sofa that was diagonally across from Remus, arms swung lazily on the sides, one hand adorning a ciggarette whilst his hair was sat messily on his head, slightly in his eyes.

Did he get a haircut? Y/n thought to herself before admiring how his lashes were so long they pratically brushed his undereye or how his cheekbones and chin were so sharp they could practically cut her up.

"Hmm, Y/n?" Sirius called out with a quirk in his eyebrows

Y/n took in a shaky breath before letting it out slowly trying to compose herself.

"Yea?"

"I was just joking by the way, you look" he hessitated

"You look nice."

Did he think she was insulted by his earlier comment and was trying to make up for his behaviour by giving her a fake compliment?

Whatever.

"Thanks. You look nice too." Y/n gave him a tight smile before making her way to sit beside him on the sofa he was at.

"Sorry. Its just i never see you dress like this, took me off gaurd was all."

Dress like what?

"What d'you mean?"

"You know... the skirt and boots, why haven't you taken your jacket off?" Sirius trailed before taking another whiff of his cigarrette.

"Ciggs aren't good for you, you know?"

"Shit, really? Damn i thought they could cure depression!" Sirius faked a shocked look. "God, you're so infuriating."

"Aren't you hot?"

Y/n's face got red.

"Like from the jacket"

Oh. "N-no im fine." Y/n said as she felt her chest get stickier by the second.

The truth was, she didn't want to reveal what was underneath, because she knew he'd tease her for the lack of top she was wearing.

"Ugh, must i do everything for you?" Sirius said before placing his cigarette between his lips to give his hands freedom towards y/n. He zipped down the zipper before gently removing the material from her skin, struggling a bit due to the sweat that stuck to her like glue.

"Hm and here you were, saying you weren't hot."

The room was semi empty at this point, Remus walking out a few minutes ago to get another beverage whilst others were left either making out or just stoned out of their minds.

"Well, im not." Y/n stubbornly said before allowing Sirius to remove her jacket, nervous on his reaction towards her choice of clothing.

She wore a long sleveed black laced top, the neck cut low into a V which was just enough to reveal her chest. Several necklaces doing the job to attempt and cover the bare skin. It sat slightly cropped above waist, only showing a peek of her skin but just enought to get Sirius feeling hot.

He attempted to discreetly eye her outfit, before almost dropping the ciggarette that was dampened from being in his mouth for a bit.

"Well, wasn't so hard now was it." Sirius said before returning to his original position.

Y/n could sense the slight tension that was built from the contact of his lean hands on her skin, making her let out a breath she didn't know she was keeping.

"Why dont you take a whiff" Sirius asked whilst handing the ciggarette to her.

"Nah, i care about my lungs unlike certain people"

"Oh come on, get that stick out your ass, one whiff won't damage your fragile little lungs."

"I dont know Sirius-"

"Trust me, it won't sting."

"Fine."

"Here i'll do it for you."

Sirius carefully lifted y/n's chin placing the cigarette in between her lips.

"Now breath through your mouth"

"You're doing so well"

The sight made an impending erection grow in his pants, the sight of her mascara smudged and lip stick stained on the ciggarette was enough to turn him on. The way her eyes were filled with innocence while he was corrupting her.

Y/n coughed out the smoke before rubbing her lips with her fingers.

"That was awful!" she laughed with a sour expression

"Hey, atleast you can say you've smoked once in your life now." Sirius chuckled before resting his arms at the sides of his figure.

His erection had become painful at this point, the way the cutting of her shirt was low enough he could get a hint at her lacey bra. He needed to snap out of it, this was his friend for goodness sake.

By now, Remus had entered the room with a new drink in his hand and a couple of lipstick stains on his cheek.

"Remus getting bitches? Thats a new discovery" Sirius teased before running his fingers carelessly through his locks, taking another whiff out his cigarette effortlessly before blowing the smoke in y/n's face making her slap his thigh in annoyance. However, she didn't move her hand from his thigh.

She felt isolated and was in need of any kind of touch, so the warmth of his thigh surprised her more than it should've. She wished she could just take his hand right then and there to find some sort of comfort within him after all her time alone.

This sent waves of butterflies to his stomach. Suddenly the room turned into the sahara desert meanwhile turning his dick to brick. How could such simple touch make him weak to unsettling degrees.

He cleared his throat trying to compose himself before he just couldn't take her unintentionally teasing any further.

"Have you uhm" "Have you ever tried alcohol before?" Sirius inquired. The real question he would've asked if he wasn't such a pussy would be Have you ever had a one night stand before with a friend who clearly has feelings for you. The question was too direct but he desperately wanted to know. His dick aching at the contact so close to it.

Y/n shifted in her seat removing her hand from his thigh.

"Well.. dont laugh at me. But i haven't." y/n said as she went slightly pink at her unexperienced self.

"Hm, then lets start small shall we." Sirius said before getting up and giving a hand out for y/n to take.

"B-but Sirius i dont know if thats a good idea-"

"Oh be quiet" He laughed before rolling his eyes whilst grabbing both her wrists

He dragged her to the kitchen, his lean hand big in hers whilst he occasionally looked back to be met with a dissapointed looking y/n.

"Why the mad face pup?" Sirius said before lightly slapping her cheek as they arrived in the kitchen, something david bowie playing in the background now.

The nickname made y/n impendingly wetter than she already was at how much attention Sirius was giving her.

"C'mon, try this." Sirius said as he poured her a cup of an unknown beverage and handed it to her. The smell was familiar and pungent. Not something y/n would normally reach for, but chugged it down anyway.

The sight was unholy, the way the booze dribbled down her chin making a mess on her necklaces and chest sending a small twitch through sirius' boxers. After she was done chugging, her lipstick was smudged slightly below her lip and her mascara a bit runny due to the sting the alcohol gave her. Sirius just couldn't help but brush the front of his jeans to provide some kind of relief for his throbbing cock.

"Here, you got a lil' something under your mouth" Sirius used as an excuse to approach her up close whilst lightly rubbing his thumb below her parted lips, wiping the smudged lipstick away. Her eyes were glassy and her cheeks were red as she looked into his eyes. He tried to avoid eye contact because any more of it and he'd be a leaking mess.

"How bout' you Sirius?" Y/n hiccuped before swallowing hard

"Me? what about me?"

"You're not gonna take a shot?"

"Well.... Fuck it." He said as he watched her pretty eyes before chugging down a random glass filled with vodka, the sting making his throat cry for help.

Y/n had gone surprisingly giggly even after just one shot of something alcoholic which she didnt really know what it was, and this made Sirius think dark thoughts.

No i shouldn't take advantage of her. Fuck.

"We should play truth or dare!" Y/n yelled out hazily as she started rocking sirius' shoulders back and forth with force, as if he wasn't this intimidating figure she once saw but now a tiny teddy bear.

"Woahoho, calm down there pup." Sirius said as he steadied himself on her shoulders.

They were now inches apart eyes both glassy and filled with lust and tension that had been ignored.

"Truth or.... dare" Y/n said as she blinked slowly slightly slurring her words, lips curling slowly

How could such little alcohol have such a dire effect on her? Sirius thought to himself.

"Dare." Sirius said dead straight into her soul moving his hands further down to her waist.

"Ok" She breathed shakily "I dare you to tell Cara Sparklepants that you like her."

"Oh come on y/n what kind of dare is that." Sirius said annoyed as he removed his hands from her waist putting them on either side of his hips

"Well you chose it! So you have to do it now." Y/n said childishly as she threw her arms in the air carelessly

"Ok fine."

Sirius slowly approached Cara eyeing Y/n angrily as he did so.

"Hey Cara..."

A flustered Cara appeared as the conversation furthered making y/n wonder if Cara was the one with a crush on Sirius. Seemed like every damn girl in that school liked the boy.

An annoyed sirius returned with a middle finger in hand.

"Great now a random girl thinks i like her."

"Great job siri!" Y/n giggled before stumbling a little bit

"Hey, you alright? Your alcohol sensitivity's really fucking high." Sirius said concerned as he slung one of her arms over his shoulders.

*Hiccup* "What makes you think i ain't!" *hiccup*

"Yeap you're definitely not alright." Sirius concluded as he began to drag her body up to James' bedroom.

"Wait! You haven't even given me a truth or dare yet!" Y/n acclaimed as she pouted giving Sirius puppy eyes. This evidently made Sirius break in his pants, feeling a patch of wetness spur around his boxers.

"Ok fine, truth or dare y/n." Sirius said as he lead her into the bedroom that had been left unoccupied, couples making out either outside the door or by the bathroom.

"Dare." Y/n said devilishly as she dragged a finger down his chest all the way to the buckle of his belt lifting it swiftly, the alcohol taking over her system.

Sirius breathed shakily trying to conceal himself.

"I dare you...." He hesitated but continued knowing she wasn't sober. "I dare you to hide your panties somewhere in this room.. and i'll find it." Sirius said hesitantly as he began to eye her up and down. By now she'd been spread out on the bed clearly dazed and oblivious to what was happening.

"Hmmmph. Okay" Y/n said as she slowly removed her dampened panties. The sight made something ignite within Sirius, the shine of her underwear, had she been turned on this whole time too?

"Well close your eyes you doof" Y/n said whilst getting up from the bed

"Yea" Sirius breathed

Y/n had carefully placed her panties in her bra. Careful not to let the low cut of her shirt to reveal the material. She grinned cheekily before tapping sirius on the back.

"I'm done"

"Now where could they be" Sirius wondered whilst wandering the room.

It took him a solid 5 minutes before he realised a lacey material poking out the edge of her bra.

"Oh you little bastard."

"Hm?" Y/n asked with fake innocence

Sirius walked over to y/n with both his hands in his pockets carefully eyeing her in the process.

"May i?"

Y/n nodded before he slowly pulled the wet material from her bra, swinging it in front of her face.

"Well.. you didn't specify where i couldn't hide it." Y/n smiled before sitting at the edge of the bed

Sirius was beside her when she said "Do you like me Sirius?"

"I" "I- Of course i do." Sirius chuckled nervously before sitting beside her at the foot of the bed

"No as in." She breathed "As in do you like me as more than a... a friend." She said before her face turned pink in embarrassment.

"What do you think?" He said slowly whilst inching his hand closer to her thigh.

"I think you do." Y/n said as she eyed the evident bulge in his pants from all the unintentional teasing.

Fuck, sirius thought to himself

"I think you do too." He said whilst giving her dampened panties back to her.

"I forgot you had those." She chuckled before shoving it into her pocket.

"Not gonna put them back on?"

"No. This dare requires them to be off."

Sirius felt his stomach drop at the words. Cock twitching at the same time.

"I dare you......" "to show me how much you like me" Y/n said quietly as she took his lean long fingers in hers whilst guiding them towards her thighs.

"You sure about this?"

"Yes."

At that, sirius quickly took charge leaning in to kiss her softly.

She whimpered at the contact making his already rock hard erection even harder than it possibly could be.

He swiftly moved his hand up her thigh and under her skirt looking at her again for approval before she nodded with parted lips.

"Have you ever been fingered before?" Sirius asked with eye contact as he made his way to her inner thighs.

"N-no" y/n said whilst trying to compose herself under his touch, mouth already parted whilst soft pants were released

Sirius rubbed her inner thigh slowly before finding his way to her slick.

"Well i'm gonna show you how good i can make you feel." He said as he kissed her inner thigh

"Fuck you're so wet." He breathed shakily before spreading her folds slowly with his fingers.

Y/n let out an unholy moan, making sirius weaker in his knees.

He slowly slid one finger in and hissed at how tight she wrapped around him.

"You're so fucking tight." Sirius said as he pumped into her slowly. The sounds of wetness pooled around the room as he continued to finger fuck her, easily sliding in and out

He quickly removed his finger before signalling for her to move further up the bed. Sirius was now placed in between her thighs, mouth close to her cunt and hair in his eyes.

She quickly grabbed onto his locks making him release a low moan. He inserted his fingers back into her cunt this time making it two, while his thumbs slowly and painfully circled her clit.

"Fuck sirius, please." Y/n whimpered, eyes glassy at the arousal he was causing her.

"Please what?" He asked whilst looking her in her eyes, her thighs practically wrapped around his head.

"P-please"

"You're gonna have to use your words pup"

"Please g-go faster"

"Good girl." He said before removing his fingers causing her to whine loud. He quickly removed her pain by spreading her legs wider than they already were, before licking a wet stripe all the way up to her clit. Making her head lull back in pleasure.

"Fuck!"

"You taste so fucking good y/n." He said as he licked her clit in circles slowly rubbing the sides of her thighs. Her wetness was spread all over his chin and nose. The sight was enough to push y/n over her edge. The way his hair was slightly in his eyes, him keeping the eye contact as he went down on her making sure she was feeling good.

"You gonna come for me?" He asked as he made his kitten licks more intense

"Y-yes."

She screamed as a sudden finger was inserted into her pussy driving her over the edge, causing her to come all over his fingers and mouth.

"You taste amazing." Sirius said whilst licking her clean before he got up to caress her face.

"T-thank you Sirius." Y/n said shyly as she attempted to avoid eye contact.

"Hey beautiful"

"Look at me." Sirius demanded before holding her face in his hands.

"I hope i showed you how much i like you."

-------------------------------

guys i'm sorry this smut is so bad😭

[angelmichelangelo]

brothers

chapter 2

verse: 2k12/idw/human au rating: t word count: 4.8k

read on ao3!

x

By the time he’s getting ready for dinner at Leo’s the following evening, he’s feeling pretty miserable about it. In fact, it’s how most of his day had gone so far; he’d gotten a text from Angel that he’d had to shoot down as well as a message from Xever reminding him of a job they were supposed to be heading to together the day after the next. It opens up a gawping pit of anxiety in the bottom of his gut that he’s able to expertly ignore for the time being as he shuts off his phone and pockets it away. He saunters into Raph and Alopex’s room and starts rooting through his brother’s side of the closet to take his mind off the million and one things racing through it currently. “Still want me to hold up my deal with the makeup?” Alopex asks him where she’s perched on the edge of their bed, sheets messily strewn across the old mattress, a compact mirror in one hand, the other delicately and carefully applying thick mascara to her lashes. Mikey pulls out a respectable looking sweater, probably a touch too big for him, no doubt it’ll swamp him and make him look way smaller than he already was, but it’s the best he’s going to get out of the rest of the clothes Raph had. He takes out a pair of jeans and an old, tattered belt for good measure. “Nah,” he says, folding the array of clothes over his arm as he turns to face the back of her head where she sits. “It’s fine. Gives me that bad boy image, y’know.” Alopex huffs a laugh but it lacks any real conviction that she was at all impressed or amused. “Offer’s yours,” is what she says as she sticks the wand back in its tube and peers into the small, round mirror to carefully inspect her handiwork. Mikey dresses himself in the bathroom, Raph pounding at the door as he urges him to hurry up, he briefly catches sight of himself in the dirtied mirror, halting him in his tracks despite his brother’s protestful arguing on the other side of the door. There’s not much he can do in terms of his hair – it’s kind of a wild, unkempt mess that just sits atop of his head, dried out and in desperate need of some kind of treatment. If he wasn’t currently saving for more important things in his life right now, he might have used his last good paycheck from Hun on twist outs or even braids like he’d had done so before. He roots around the shelf behind the mirror before he leaves in hopes that Alopex or even Raph had something that would work for his hair but he comes up short. Clicking his tongue, he might be able to coerce Leo into letting him borrow something before his poor hair snapped right off. “Mikey! Let’s go!” Raph bellows impatiently with a fist knocking hard against wood. “Alright!” He yells back, looking at himself one last time before heading for the door. “I’m coming, jeez.”

[oigimi]

. see you then .

. silvio x reader . 2k words . tw: depictions of attempted sxual assault (not from silvio) . college au .

I took a shot of tequila from my liquor cabinet and glanced over at the clock. 7:38. That meant Nokto and the others should’ve been coming at any moment. Awesome.

My first semester of senior year was shaping out to be the worst one yet. Desperately trying to secure an internship in this field was draining every last drop of life out of me. My minimum wage job left me a shell of a human being every single time I had to punch in my employee ID number. Maintaining good grades didn’t even seem to matter at this point - if it weren’t for the fact I needed my scholarship to carry me through this last semester. Goddamn it, Y/N. Just one more year. You’ve got this.

Fortunately for social life but unfortunately for my social battery, I’d been invited to a frat party without my knowledge. Some of my friends had decided I was “too miserable” lately and needed some fun, and so earlier that morning I’d gotten a text from my good friend Nokto informing me of my expected arrival at this congregation of testosterone and alcohol.

I mean, it couldn’t have been all bad. Maybe a night out was good for me. I would be under the protection of my lowkey obsessed friend Rio, and some time out of my messy apartment could prove beneficial.

‘We’re here!!! :D <3’

Thanks, Rio. I grabbed my bag, applied an extra layer of lip gloss for good measure, forced myself to grin in the mirror, and ran outside into Nokto’s car.

“Hey, Y/N! Wow, you look so cute tonight.”

“Thanks, Rio. I didn’t do too much different though.”

“Oh, well. You always look so pretty though so maybe that’s it.”

I chuckled and buckled my seatbelt. “Thanks. You’re too nice to me, I swear.”

“You two need to get a room together. I’m so sick of it.” Nokto started the car and headed down towards the party. “Can’t believe Rio over here is getting to Y/N before me.”

“That’s not what’s going on!”

“It could be!”

“Rio!” I flushed a little bit as Nokto burst out laughing. Rio had a pink dust to his face to accompany my own, but he kept his eye contact with me, which I broke with a swift glance out the window.

Silence hung in the car’s atmosphere for a little while, before Nokto decided to break it with, “You know, word on the street is that Silvio’s gonna be there tonight.”

“What?!” Rio and I both hissed, jerking our heads back forward. “He’s gonna be there?!”

“That’s what I’ve heard anyway. Y/N, didn’t you have a class with him? Or two? I don’t remember.”

I grumbled and leaned back in my seat. Suddenly the fun was over before it could even begin. My fists began to tremble at the very mention of the name of Silvio Ricci, a man whose ugly and annoying inner self eclipsed any possibility of his handsome face making me swoon. “Yes,” I muttered, “he was in a few of my business classes. And I hate him.”

“Damn, I can see that! Oh well. Just ignore him and it’ll be fine.”

“You don’t get it. It’s not about ignoring him. Just his very presence at this party is enough to ruin it.”

“I agree,” Rio growled. “Don’t worry, Y/N! Just stick with me the whole time!”

Unfortunately for my friend I could not reciprocate his enthusiasm; my mind became clouded with storms and gray, and I couldn’t get my thoughts off of Silvio. I imagined him in my classroom, speaking so matter-of-factly about the art of business, the words coming out of his soft-looking pink lips like he didn’t need to even think about it. He shut people down and asserted himself everywhere, and even picked fights with me a few times. Every time I’d propose a theory, he’d speak up and challenge me, and I could see the delight that lit up in his deep sapphire eyes when my brows furrowed. He got a kick out of asserting himself, quick remarks, and always getting what he wanted.

Silvio always wore designer clothes. He put on cherry-flavored chapstick at the start and end of every class, and of course his jewelry rang like bells every time he moved. He wasn’t just a man. He was a statement. Silvio Ricci was a testament to rich college boys who have life handed to them on a silver platter, while common people like me were getting our asses handed to us instead, by the general public, landlords, academia, and every high-power institution that reigned above us.

But goddamn it, did the gorgeous manifestation of the bourgeois have a distinctive cologne and perfectly-sculpted bone structure.

While I stewed in my own bitterness, Nokto parked the car and we made our way out to the house. We were hit with main house lights off, colorful LED lights on in all their mood-making glory, and the most generic of Spotify playlists serenading our night. I was a little taken aback by the amount of people around- men and women. People were already making themselves at home, decently drunk, and enjoying one another’s company the way college students are meant to.

Immediately Rio grabbed my hand and led me to the kitchen for a snack. We’d seen some familiar faces on the way there, they made good conversation partners, and before I knew it I was flooding my system with alcohol of every variety. Anything I could get my hands on I drank, even the peculiar jungle juice someone concocted in a cooler for us to try. What could I say? I loosened up a lot more with every sip, and I was even enjoying myself in a matter of time.

As the warm sting of the drinks began sweeter and sweeter, I stumbled out of the room and into another one for a few moments while Rio was chatting it up with someone else. Slumping on the couch, I stared off into space but found myself quickly jolted out of it by some unknown man who sat next to me.

“Hey.”

I turned my head and slurred something in response.

“What’s your name?”

“Y/N.”

“Cute name.” He smiled and gave me his name in return, but I could hardly make out what he was saying. “You here alone?”

“Noooo. My friends are… Uh…” I looked around for Nokto or Rio, or anyone else I’d been reunited with that night. “I don’t know where they are but they’re not here. But they are here. But they’re not.”

The man only seemed encouraged by my reply. “I see. Can’t believe they’d leave someone like you all alone here. They’re missing out.”

“Eh.” I tried to sit upright, but was gently pushed back down onto the couch. I tried to get a good look at his face, but the LED lights and dim room made it difficult to make out, especially coupled with my ever-blurring vision. “What are you doing?”

“Just be quiet.”

I laid with baited breath as I felt his hand on my side. I wanted to push him off, I wanted to yell for help, I wanted to get out of there as fast as I could but my body felt like a ton and I couldn’t even move my face the way I wanted to. My eyes closed as I braced myself for something I never thought would happen.

“Ay. Do you know this guy?”

“Eh-?!”

A hand yanked the assailant off of me, and pulled him close to the owner’s face. No way. I’d recognize that voice no matter how intoxicated I was.

“Y/N, answer me. Do you know this guy?”

I shifted my gaze to Silvio, who had an uncharacteristically furious expression. The man was pale and trying to get out of his grip, and I could feel the desperation in his face. But I just shook my head.

“I’ve never seen him before.”

“Figures.” Silvio threw the man to the ground and helped me up off the couch, leading me outside to the front porch, where the chilly night air hit my face like a ton of bricks. “Who the hell came with you? They just fuckin’ left you? Are you being serious?”

“It’s not that bad.”

“Not that bad-?!” Silvio turned his head to look at me, and his expression softened ever so slightly. My red face, weak body, and sleepy eyes must have gotten to him, because he just let out a sigh and put his hand around my shoulders. “You need to go home. I’m calling you a car,” he grumbled, taking out his phone.

I narrowed my eyes and crossed my arms. “Well, Mr. Spaghetti Rich-Ass. Why did you do that? And why are you sending me home? You hate my ass.” I leaned a little bit onto him, completely missing the pink dusting his cheeks.

“I wasn’t going to let that waste of space violate you. It just ain’t right. And I don’t hate you.”

“Whaaaat? You don’t hate me? So do you love me?” I teased, snickering a bit. “They’re opposites, you know.”

“Just because I don’t hate you doesn’t mean I love you! My god, you’re annoying. How can you be so damn happy after that just happened to you?”

I shrugged and wiped my face. “I don’t know. I guess… I don’t know.”

Silvio sighed again and wrapped his arm around me. “I’m riding with you and seeing to it you get inside your house. There’s creeps and weirdos all over these streets. Stay with me.”

This time, I couldn’t think of an answer. My thoughts swirled together like a hurricane, and so did my stomach and my chest. Was it the drinks? Was it the exhaustion? Was it being in Silvio’s arms after he’d just saved me from some greasy man at a party? Whatever the reason, I closed my eyes again and sniffled. Something in me began to spill out that I’d been bottling up for months, and it was coming out fast.

“Th-thank you. Thank you! I’m sorry f-for everything!”

“What the-?!” Silvio jumped back a bit, startled by my tears. “What are you cryin’ for? Weren’t you fine a minute ago?”

“No, I wasn’t. I wasn’t okay a minute ago or an hour ago or ever!” I cried a bit harder and this time, leaned over and hugged Silvio. “I want to go home. Please take me home, please, please, please…”

“I am. I will. I promise,” he grunted. Despite his tone, he wrapped his arms around me in a soft embrace, looking out into the black, unbusy street that would carry us into the night’s conclusion.

—

The next morning I woke up with the worst headache I’d ever had in my life, and stomach pains to match. I groaned and forced my tired body out of bed, starting on my routine. I opened my phone to… messages from Silvio?!

Suddenly the events of the previous night flooded my brain, reenacting themselves in vivid detail as I read ‘goodnight’ and ‘glad you got home safe’ messages from my friends. The godawful music, the attempted assault, and most importantly, the man who saved me and got me home safe.

I looked down at my message thread with Silvio, a newly created contact, with only one text from him.

‘Assuming you didn’t decide to leave your house, glad ya got home okay. I’m not letting that stupid shit happen to you ever again. I’m pickin’ you up tonight for dinner so be ready. Your choice, I don’t care.’

And despite how much I’d told myself I despised him, and how he was truly the worst person in the whole world on the inside, I felt my heart flutter at the idea of dinner with Silvio. The feeling of his embrace lingered on my whole body, in concert with that cologne I’d recognized so easily. I sat down at my kitchen table, wanting to express my gratitude, and apologize for being such an unbearable drunk, and give suggestions for dinner, I just sent a few simple words, bottling everything up once again, to be reopened in due time.

‘Got it. See ya then :)’

[animakemecry]

Questionable Decisions

Chapter 1 - 3.4k words

Summary: Being a grad-school student with Connie and Jean as best friends is a lot of fun, but you find yourself in a precarious situation one night after Connie's friends Annie and Mikasa join you and the guys for drinks at the local bar.

Tags: Attack on Titan modern!AU, Attack on Titan college!AU, Annie x reader (kinda), Jean x reader, bisexual!reader, afab!reader

CW: NSFW, masturbation, drinking, alcohol

****Minors DNI****

It’s only 4 p.m. and you’re just barely able to keep your eyes open through your last lecture of the day. Finals week is approaching much more quickly than you anticipated and you’re behind on some major projects, but motivation is dwindling and procrastination keeps taking over. You’re past trying to focus on the lecture, so you pull out your phone to text your best friend Connie.

“I’m about to pass out in class right now, I’m so bored.”

“lol that sucks dude. did you wanna come over after you get out of class?”

“Yeah that sounds good. I need to work on my project proposal, but I can work on it while I’m there.”

“aight bet. idk what time Jean is gonna be back, but we could grab a drink when he gets home if you need a break.”

“A drink sounds pretty damn good right now.”

You zone back into your applied biostatistics class and try your best to focus on the material. You love neuroscience and you don’t regret choosing this major, but after grinding through the first two semesters of your master’s degree it’s taking every ounce of your willpower not to take a gap year. You start thinking about getting drinks with Connie and Jean later and the thought of Connie’s overconfident approach to flirting with girls at the bar makes you smile to yourself. Finally you hear your professor start to wrap up the lecture and you make a beeline for the door.

The walk up the stairs to Connie and Jean’s apartment feels extra long today. Maybe it’s just the mental exhaustion adding to the psychical fatigue. You hang out with Connie so much that he got tired of having to get up to let you in while he’s gaming online with his friend Bertholdt, so he just gave you your own key. You’ve never met Bertholdt since he moved across the country for college with his best friend Reiner, but Connie has told you all about them and how they begged Annie to go with them when they decided to move. You’ve only met Annie a few times, but you have a good sense of her vibe. She’s working on a master’s degree in kinesiology at the same university you attend so you see each other on campus sometimes. She usually seems pretty closed off, but you’ve seen her laughing with her friend Mikasa on campus and it’s like seeing a totally different person.

Once you walk inside the apartment Connie moves over to give you room on the couch and offers to get you a snack, but you’re so behind on your project that you accidentally cut him off to ask if you can use his kitchen table as a desk for a couple hours. You set up your laptop and textbooks and put on your headphones to block out the sounds of disapproval coming from Connie as he plays Overwatch. It felt like an eternity of checking your notes, cross-referencing, and meticulously typing out the appropriate methods when Jean finally walks through the door smiling over at you.

“Hey you.”

You instinctively roll your eyes at him. You know Jean well enough to know that he’s a natural flirt, but you can’t stop the slightest blush from appearing on your cheeks when he directs his flirtatious energy at you. Before you can reply to him Connie blurts out,

“Dude where have you been? I've been getting slaughtered in game without you.” 

“Sorry bro, one of my coworkers had an emergency and I had to cover the last couple of clients he had coming in. You guys wanna go get a drink?”

You immediately close your textbook and push your chair back from the table making Jean laugh.

“That bad huh? First round is on me then.”

“I appreciate it. Sorry you had to work late.”

“Nah it was nothing really. I’m just sorry I kept you waiting.”

“Yeah, you better be.”

Jean pretends he’s hurt by your sarcasm before going to his bedroom to change out of his work clothes. Connie asks if it would be okay if he invites Mikasa and Annie. You see no problem with that, in fact, you get a little excited at the idea of getting to know them both better.

Jean comes back out of his room in joggers and a loose fitting t-shirt with the Vans logo on it. You try to distract yourself from looking at the casual flex of his muscles as he stretches his arms up over his head. Connie decides he’d prefer to walk, so you guys set out for Sina on Tap. You listen to Connie tell Jean all about his plan to find a girlfriend tonight as you hold back the urge to poke fun at him. Once you get inside you see Mikasa and Annie at the bar throwing back a couple of shots and you can’t wait to have one yourself. You know you’ve been in need of a break and a good distraction from school, so you’re hoping you can let loose tonight. Mikasa sees you and the boys and she waves you over to her. Connie gives Annie a little half hug and asks her what they were drinking and then turns to Jean,

“Well Jean, you said first round on you right buddy? That’ll be 3 tequila shots, we’ve gotta catch up to them.”

Jean orders your shots for you and you take it back no problem with a swift bite into the slice of lime on the rim. You feel Annie’s eyes on you and you turn to try and start a conversation with her.

“So what made you want to go into kinesiology?”

“I originally picked it at random cause I thought the pay would be worth it, but at this point I actually find it really interesting. What about you? You’re in neuroscience right?”

“Yeah, I want to work on neurological solutions for hearing loss. I would be devastated if I wasn’t able to listen to music or hear my friend’s voices anymore.”

“Wow, that’s a pretty big goal. That’s cool.”

Annie talked to you for a while longer before Connie challenged her to a match of pool and Mikasa followed them over to the tables. You looked at Jean and joked that Connie pulled two girls instead of his usual zero and he chuckled. You guys just sat and sipped your beers for awhile before Jean asked you,

“So what do you think about Annie?”

“She’s cool, I still don’t really know her, but I feel like we could be friends.”

“Nice. I know that would make Connie happy.”

“I wanted to ask about that, do Connie and Annie have some kind of history? I saw the way he looked at her when we first walked in, and I don’t know if I’ve ever seen him initiate a hug.”

“Annie and Connie? Nah, no chance. She and Reiner were super close and Connie helped her through her depression after he and Bertholdt moved across the country. I know it was her choice to stay here, but I think it really hurt her to be left behind.”

“Damn, I can imagine so. I’m glad she has Connie then, and based on what I’m seeing right now I’m glad he has her too.”

You and Jean both look back over at the pool table where you see Connie attempting trickshots behind his back. You notice the way Mikasa is watching Annie laugh at Connie’s performance, and with some observation you start to understand their dynamic a little bit. You watch Mikasa’s eyes trail down Annie’s body taking in her tight black jeans and her oversized flannel. You see her eyes flit back up to Annie’s smile in an instant with adoration on her face. You turn back to Jean to confirm your suspicions,

“Are Mikasa and Annie…”

Jean cuts you off,

“Dating? I don’t think so. Mikasa has always seemed protective of Annie even though Annie can absolutely take care of herself. I don’t know if the attraction goes both ways though. I’ve never asked.”

You look back over at the scene unfolding in front of you and realize you’re a bit envious of Annie. You wish you had someone that looked at you with the level of care that Mikasa’s face is conveying. It’s been a couple of years since you’ve let anyone get close to you emotionally. Your mind trails off into thoughts about the last relationship you were in. A relationship that left you feeling like domestic life was a cage. It’s not that you wanted to date tons of people or sleep around, but you felt like you were constantly being told how to live your life and truthfully, your ex had some beliefs about traditional gender norms that became a major turn-off. Jean must have noticed that you were staring off into space cause when you snapped back to the present you heard him ask,

“Were you even listening to me?”

“I’m sorry, I got caught in my brain. What did you say?”

“I was just talking about how it always seemed like Annie had feelings for Reiner, but nevermind about that. You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m alright, just some memories from the past.”

“You wanna talk about it?”

“Not particularly.”

“Okay… you wanna drink about it?”

You laugh at Jean’s successful attempt to bring you back to earth. He flags the bartender over and orders you a couple more beers and another shot. You both throw your shots back with ease and decide to take your beers over to the pool table to join your friends. To everyone’s amusement Annie is showing Connie the right way to attempt a trickshot from behind the back. She sinks the 10 ball in the side pocket and smirks at Connie. Connie shrugs his shoulders trying to appear unimpressed, but you can see the boyish excitement tugging at the corners of his mouth. You watch as Connie and Annie finish their game with Annie easily pocketing all of the stripes in just a few turns. After she sinks the 8 ball she turns to ask who wants to face the winner and Jean jumps at the opportunity. You watch as Annie meticulously reracks the balls and lines up the cue. You notice the rings on her fingers, gemstones wrapped in delicate wire, dainty enough to appear feminine, but drawing enough attention to her hands to feel a bit sensual. You watch her shoot the breaking shot sinking the 3 ball. The raise of her eyebrows conveying careful consideration of what her next move will be. She sinks the 6, 2, and 5 balls before she just slightly misses her shot on the bright-yellow 1 ball. Jean observes the table with a fervent look in his eyes.

“Damn, you’re not going to make this easy for me.”

“Why would I? Can’t keep up Kirschtein?”

You giggle in admiration of the confidence rolling off of Annie’s tongue. Jean looks over at you with a shocked look of betrayal on his face. He can be so dramatic when he gets competitive. 

“You’re rooting for her now!? I thought we were friends.”

You roll your eyes at him and smirk at Annie.

“Can’t argue with talent, and from what I’ve seen Annie is the most talented player in the room tonight.”

Annie gives you a shy smile and you can’t tell if it’s the low lighting playing tricks on your eyes or if a light blush really did just spread over her freckled cheeks. You realize it must be the latter when you notice Mikasa glaring at you from behind her beer bottle as she takes a long sip. There’s a fluttering in your stomach that you can’t ignore as you realize the guys are looking back and forth between you and Mikasa trying to assess what just happened. Jean breaks the tension by lining up to take his first shot on the table. He sinks the 11 ball and just barely misses the corner pocket with his following shot. Annie lines up her next shot and makes quick work of the 1, and 4 balls before she asks Connie to grab her another beer from the bar. By the time Connie comes back Jean has managed to sink three shots before missing the fourth. He walks around the edge of the table to where you’re standing and leans into your ear to ask you what the hell you’re thinking by flirting with Annie like that. You tell him you didn’t mean for it to come across flirtatiously. Truthfully though, you have always thought Annie was beautiful. You start mulling over all the times you’ve seen her around campus in her doc martins and her layered crystal necklaces. Always listening to music with her bulky headphones on over her sleek blonde hair pulled back in an effortless bun. You feel a tension pooling inside of you and you don’t dare look over at Annie or Mikasa for fear that they might see your thoughts written on your face. This is the first time you’ve ever consciously considered Annie in this way and you get flustered by the flood of thoughts rushing to your head. Connie’s hand on your shoulder startles you enough to shift your focus and you see that he’s gotten you another beer. You must’ve had at least five beers and two shots by now, and you can feel the warmth coming over your body as the alcohol affects your senses. The game wraps up nicely with Annie sinking the 8 ball as effortlessly as breathing, and Jean and Mikasa make their way to close their tabs at the bar. Jean walks back over to you and Connie to ask if you’re ready to go.

“Yeah I’m ready, you didn’t have to pay the full tab though. I thought you were just buying the first round.”

“It’s no problem. You and Connie can split the next one for me.”

“Deal.”

You say bye to Annie and Mikasa taking note of the tension on Mikasa’s face when you address her. You realize this might become an issue, but the alcohol has caught up to you at this point and you decide to pocket that thought for another time. As you walk back to Connie and Jean’s apartment with them you decide you don’t want to call an uber to take you home, so you ask them if it’s okay if you crash on their couch.

“You know you don’t need to ask us. You’re always welcome at our place,” Connie says lightheartedly.

This wouldn’t be the first time you’ve stayed at their place overnight. There have been several instances when you haven’t had the energy to drive home after a late night study session, or haven’t wanted to spend the money on an uber. You’re always grateful that the guys let you stay whenever you need to, and you always keep an extra change of clothes and a toothbrush in your backpack. You walk up the stairs following Connie’s lead and make your way into the apartment. Connie asks you if you’d like to take a shower and offers up his bathroom to you. As much as you would like to feel refreshed before bed you don’t have anything to sleep in except the shirt you’re already wearing.

“I don’t have anything to sleep in if I shower; the only clothes I’ve got in my backpack are jeans and a crop top.”

Jean mocks your unpreparedness and offers you one of his t-shirts for the night. You kindly accept his offer and tell Connie that he can shower first if he wants to. Connie obliges and makes his way down the hall to his room and bathroom. You sit opposite Jean on the couch and he asks you if you want to watch a show while you wait for the shower. He puts on a random episode of Bob’s Burgers and asks if you want anything to drink. While he’s in the kitchen getting you a water bottle your mind starts to linger back on the thought of Annie blushing at your compliment. The thought of her beautiful freckled cheeks blushing just for you forces a sheepish smile to your lips. Before you can catch yourself Jean comes back into the room,

“What are you smiling about?”

“Oh, um, nothing. I think the tequila is making me loopy.”

“Since when are you a lightweight?”

“Since tonight I guess.”

It’s a horrible cover up for your real thoughts, but it’ll do for now. Connie comes back into the living room shortly after and tells you that his bathroom is all yours. You ask Jean to get you one of his t-shirts like he said, and he tells you to go pick one out for yourself. You go into his room and open his closet door to look for the softest shirt you can find. It’s a black shirt with the Guns and Roses logo on it. You walk back into the living room and ask him if that one is okay. He says it’s fine, so you walk down the hall to Connie’s bathroom to take your shower. Once you step in under the hot water you realize how wet you are. You can’t believe the thought of Annie got you this aroused, after all you barely know her. Your hand dances around your clit for a moment while thinking of her. You feel a need growing inside of you and you slowly slip two of your fingers inside your slit hoping you can take care of yourself before going back out into the living room. You move your fingers in and out of yourself at just the right pace and feel the pressure in your body building. You curl your fingers up into the spot that will send you over the edge. You come thinking about Annie’s cute little face underneath your pussy. After riding out your orgasm, you realize you’ve been in the shower longer than need be, so you wash yourself off quickly and hop out of the shower as fast as possible to avoid suspicion. You wrap yourself up in a towel and brush your teeth. You feel the warmth left over from your orgasm in your legs and it makes your pussy start to ache with need. You know you can’t do anything about it since you’ve already been in the bathroom much longer than you should’ve been, so you decide you’ll take care of it once the guys are asleep. You throw on Jean’s t-shirt and pause a moment to take in the distinct smell of him that lingers on it. You’ve never noticed Jean’s natural scent before, but now that you’re enveloped in his t-shirt you can’t help but take it all in. When you walk back into the living room Jean and Connie are both gone. You hear Jean’s shower running and assume Connie went to bed. You see the folded blankets they left for you, and you go to work making the couch into a bed. Once you’ve laid down you realize how warm your body is. You can’t tell if it’s because of the alcohol, the arousal, or both. You start to move your hand towards your clit when you hear Jean’s shower turn off. A few minutes later he comes into the living room to ask you if you need anything else for the night. You tell him you’re all set, and he tells you goodnight. Once he closes his door you let your hands wander to your breasts, pinching your nipples and massaging them with greed. One of your hands instinctively travels down to your clit where you start rubbing small circles making yourself squirm underneath your own touch. You inch your fingers further down into the pool of warmth forming between your legs. You’re so wet it’s almost embarrassing. You start fucking your pussy with your fingers, doing your best to suppress a moan as your back arches up from the couch. Your free hand is groping your breasts as you feel yourself spasming around your fingers. You move your free hand to your clit and start rubbing it delicately to avoid overstimulation. Your body is on fire with an aching need as you slam your eyes shut imagining Annie kissing down your body and sucking on your breasts. Your fingers are curling inside you and your body is spasming in response numbing all your senses. You open your eyes and freeze when you see Jean staring at you by his bedroom door, shocked.

chapter 2

[lucyandthepen]

a lesson on style - v . [ ljn | njm ]

pt. i, pt. ii, pt. iii, pt. iv.,  pt. v, pt. vi

you’ve always been content with being associated with one word and one word only: average. average in looks, academics and social skills, you’re just looking to graduate high school without causing disasters you’ll have to live with until you kick the bucket. when you’re paired with school king lee jeno for the semester-long physics thesis, you can’t help but think the entire situation has pretty much set itself up for failure. that is, until you strike a deal with your partner. alternatively: an au tale involving lessons in popularity, eleven consecutive B­ minuses, a secretly sensitive, chess­-loving jock, and an amateur sex tape.

pairing: jeno x fem!reader, jaemin x fem!reader    verse: high school au { jocks!nomin ft. a super cute whiny ap physics genius renjun }  rating: M for sexual themes ( there are allusions to sex but no explicit smut! ) chapter warnings: none!  word count: 10.9k

author’s note: is this twice as long as any other chapter? yes. do i believe it might be twice as devastating? also yes. side note, i sincerely hate proofreading and the thing i hate the most is trying to figure out where i applied italics and stuff because it doesn’t transfer over from google docs to this gosh darn tumblr text editor and i refuse to use the weird beta one so if anyone has any ideas on how to retain it please lmk :^(

tagging: @justalildumpling, @spiderrenjunfics

It’s a yes or no question, you tell yourself. It’s literally one answer, one word — yes or no. And you don’t even have to second-guess it, because you know the truth, and it’s not a complicated one. It shouldn’t be that difficult to answer.  With Jeno looking at you, though, you feel a little off-kilter, as per usual. Still, even with his gaze on you, you think that your response should be as normal, calm, and truthful as possible.

What comes out of you is a derisive laugh that clearly shocks the both of you.

“Wh — dating you — I wouldn’t — that’s preposterous,” you splutter out, gripping your laptop so tightly that you actually hear the bottom of I make a soft sound as the metal tightens. You’ve never used the word preposterous in any real life conversation, and it’s clear Jeno hasn’t heard it in a similar context either because he looks at you weird.  

“I mean, I’m not saying I’m mad about it,” he goes on. “I’m just wondering why he’d say that, unless you said something.”

“He — I — he — he’s crazy. All smart people are loopy,” you laugh again, and it sounds even grosser this time, with your voice going up really high and breathy like you’re being strangled to death. Which, come to think of it, you’re pretty much doing to yourself, figuratively. “That had no basis whatsoever. I would — I would never. Ever.”

“Never… date me?” His eyebrows shoot up so high they almost touch his hairline.

“Yes! I mean — no, no! I mean, I would definitely not say that we were dating when we’re obviously—” you laugh derisively again, which just causes Jeno to look even more confused. “We are clearly, obviously, clearly not. Not dating.”

“Obviously,” he repeats simply.

“Yes. That’s… I mean, obviously, I would date you, like in the hypothetical way, because… I mean, why not? but we — you know. We’re not. Dating. Definitely not.” Your heart rate, thankfully, is starting to decline from the thousand beats per second it had been going in; Jeno’s eyebrows are also calming down. “Right?”

“Right,” he confirms slowly.

“Right. So. I didn’t say we were to him. Or anyone. Nothing.”

“Oh, okay,” he finally says after a moment of silence. “That was just… plain out of the blue, then.”

“Totally,” you agree wholeheartedly. “So, so weird.”  

“Okay,” he shifts his position now, turning more deliberately towards you; you instinctively grip your laptop tighter, pressing it harder against your stomach. The bottom corners dig in, and in your peripheral vision, you can see that you’ve been pressing the A key down for so long that you have an AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA in your chat box with Renjun and he’s typed out a very concerned and confused WHAT IS TAKING YOU SO LONG TO TYPE. You move your thumb away from the keypad. “Sorry for the sudden question. I just wanted to clarify because, you know, I don’t want anyone else to think we are yet, or anything. And I definitely don’t want Huang Renjun attacking me for the wrong things, considering his track record.”

Your heart suddenly skids to a stop at the yet. He’d said it so offhandedly you were sure he wasn’t giving it much thought, but to you, this kind of felt like one of those weird, fever-induced dreams you had, except it seemed to be going fairly well as long as you didn’t factor in just how much you’d blubbered just now.  

“Um. Right,” is all you can say.

“That being said,” he jams his hat back onto his head, which is ludicrous considering he’s inside, but it just makes him look cuter, and you’ve never minded that. “Thanks for saying you’d date me. Hypothetically.”

“Oh — that. Right. You’re welcome,” you reply, and you desperately want to ask if he’d also hypothetically date you, but you sort of also don’t really want to know the answer. In the moment that it takes for you to tell your brain to quiet down, he claps his hands, startling you a little.

“All right. So. Project. Proposal. Graduating.” He points to your laptop, and you nod vehemently, shifting it against your stomach a little to make sure he doesn’t see the chat box with Renjun. “Let’s get to it, then.”

You hurriedly exit your internet browser and open a blank Word document. It kicks off slowly, with you taking a good fifteen minutes to format the title page because you’re not sure which citation style to use and also because you can’t stop thinking about the previous conversation, which causes you to misspell both your names wrongly. Luckily, Jeno doesn’t say anything, even though he clearly sees your blunders; the fact that he is clearly attempting to be interested (or pretending really well to be) in getting things done allows you to pick up a slightly more comfortable pace of discussion later on. He even agrees to do a lot of the supposed heavy lifting in the experimentation phase, which involves playing musical instruments, and you volunteer to do the mathematical work, which is the only thing you think you’ll be able to do in that part of the experiment anyway.  

Everyone in your house is up at this time, so it gets increasingly louder as the hours move on. There’s some kind of intermittent yelling coming from your brothers’ room that could either be Jiho gaming or Jiho getting strangled, but no one seems too alarmed apart from Jeno, who learns to let it go once you tell him that your other brother is in there with him and is probably the one strangling him, if the latter scenario is true. Either way, your dad comes out, banging on their room door to keep it down, which adds to more of the noise pollution.

Sooyeon also makes it down later than everyone else, dressed but still clearly out of sorts, stopping mid-yawn when she sees you and Jeno sitting together as you’re trying to drag out an explanation of what the significance of the study is.

“Oh. Good morning,” she sidles over to you, sitting on the arm of the couch next to you to peek over your shoulder at your laptop; you know she’s not really interested in your work, but her inherent nosiness makes her acting so natural. “What are you guys working on?”

“Physics term project.”

“Oh, right. You mentioned you guys were partners. How’s it going?”

“It’s going… well. Fine.” You bend your laptop’s monitor down halfway so she stops looking.

“Oh, I know you,” Jeno suddenly snaps his fingers, pointing his finger at her. Your sister looks up, beaming. “You’re on the cheerleading team. I’ve been trying to figure out who you look like since last year,” he turns to you, amused. “Can’t believe it took me this long. Small world. Hey, how come you’re not on the cheerleading team?”

“Because she wouldn’t give up Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok Joo for late-night cheer practice,” your sister reasons out for you before you can find a cooler (and less honest) excuse. “Hey, dad’s taking me to the mall. Do you need anything? We’re also picking up lunch, so Jeno oppa, if you’re staying for lunch, the cuisine choice is all yours.”

“Raincheck,” you deflate at Jeno’s response. “I’m supposed to be having lunch with my sister. Thanks for the offer, though.”

“Can you get me a new USB drive?” You weigh in. “And not the crappy Daiso kind.”

“Okay. Text me so I don’t forget. Not now,” Sooyeon pushes down your hand before you can pick up your phone. “Wait ten minutes, then text me. Hey, dad, can we get tangsuyuk today?”

Your dad is by the door, two brothers in tow, having probably convinced them to leave the house as well, and Sooyeon joins them, pushing them all out hurriedly. You don’t miss the fact that she winks at you just before closing the door, and you resist waving her away.

“You… have a really big family.” Jeno finally speaks up again once you’re alone.

“Yeah. Sorry. It would have been worse if my mom were here. She might have tried to adopt you.”

“Jaemin’s mom technically has first dibs,” he lifts a hand to his face, rubbing his eyes a little aggressively. “Do you think we can call time of death on this for today? My eyes are falling out of my skull.”

“Sure; I can finish up the conclusion anyway. It’s just… repeating everything we said, but really fast. I’ll just e-mail you a copy for safety.” You save the document as he nods, working your trackpad so you can open your NAVER mail account and attach the file. Your fingers hover over the keyboard, suddenly feeling like an idiot. “Uh… sorry, but I just realized I don’t have your e-mail address.”

“Oh. Yeah,” he reaches out, and you retract your hands quickly, planting them firmly onto your lap. He starts typing away, pressing send and turning the laptop back to you with a satisfied groan. “Cool. So — serious question. Why aren’t you on the cheerleading team if your sister is?”

“Well, I was going to come up with a great excuse, but since I got ratted out — I don’t really like staying in school late. Plus, they practice on rainy days, which is not my thing.”

“I mean, we do too on the football team, and it’s usually fine. It’s weird; do you not dance? Or… I don’t know, cheer, or whatever?”

“I mean, I don’t fail PE, or anything. I just… never had the interest.” You admit, shutting down your laptop.

“I could talk to Jimin — you know, the captain? We’re pretty close.” He pauses, then adds an afterthought. “She’s dating one of the other guys on my team.”

“Who?”

“I’ve told you about Jisung, right? That enormous tree of a guy with the small face?”

“Kind of weird for a guy as tall as you to call a similarly tall guy a tree…” you trail off, and he laughs — laughs! Score for your unintended humor. “But yeah, I’ve seen him around.”

“Yeah, so they’re a thing. Anyway, what was I sayi — oh, yeah. If you want me to talk to her, give you a shot at it, I think she’d be open to it. You don’t have to be a gymnast or anything, I’m pretty sure.”

“That’s a really nice gesture, but I’ll pass.”

Jeno sighs, leaning back onto the couch and lifting one of his legs to cross it casually over his knee. He looks at you disapprovingly, which is a little terrifying until you realize he’s feigning it because his lips are curling up a little. So cute. “Come on, _______________. Okay — lesson number one.”

“What?” You’re at a loss, and you don’t bother hiding it this time. “Lesson?”

“I told you I’d help you get more popular, right?”

“Yeah, but I didn’t think we were having lectures and quizzes.”

“No quizzes,” he corrects you. “Lectures, very brief. Five minutes tops. I have no time to grade anything.”

“Well let me just—” you grab your phone, trying to navigate to the voice memos app, but he takes it from you and plants it back onto the table. You note how his fingers brush yours briefly, leaving you frozen, your hand still shaped around a phone that isn’t in your grasp anymore.

“No need to record anything. Note taking is for nerds. Just listen to me. Be in the moment. Absorb it,” he instructs. “First lesson in being popular: don’t turn down things that will make you more popular.”

“Okay, that one was fairly obv — what are you doing?”  

“I’m texting,” he really is, unlocking his phone and scrolling through his contacts before he starts tapping away on his phone screen. “I told you; I’m sure Jimin will be more than happy to —“

“Wait — okay, stop, stop,” it’s your turn to seize his phone from him, but you don’t do so very smoothly, and it ends up falling midway from him to you, wedging itself into a crack in your couch cushions. Jeno doesn’t really seem like he minds in particular, but he does offhandedly reprimand you for it.

“You’re being a horrible student.”

“I’m not — look, no, thank you for… you know, going the extra mile to ask for me,” you fish his phone out of the couch, making sure to exit the messaging app. “But I can’t join the cheerleading team.”

“Why not? It’ll make you infinitely cooler. Is it because your sister’s on it? Because we can get her kicked out if you really want —“

“Wh— no, I don’t want my sister kicked out!” You raise your voice in tandem with your palm, and he desists, a little surprised at how loud you’ve gotten. “I’m just saying that it’s the last semester of high school. There’s no point in me joining. I won’t even last a full year on that team.”

Jeno falls silent, suddenly struck by the logic in your words. “Huh. I guess you’re right. I didn’t think about that.”

Now that you feel like it’s kind of safe, you perch his phone back onto his thigh, and he takes it, slipping it between his legs without a second thought. You try hard not to think about how his phone may have brushed against his… never mind.

“So I… you know, I appreciate what you wanted to do for me. Really; it was… extremely cool of you,” you say with utmost sincerity. “But as a plan, I feel like… there might be better ones.”

“That’s true,” he agrees. “But the lesson still stands. The things I recommend that you do, I really feel like you should do them.”

“I promise this’ll be the last time I reject your suggestions.”

“Cool. Well — we just have to think about what else we could do to help you get up that ladder.” He looks up at your ceiling, a little wistful, and you feel so useless that you just busy yourself with shutting your laptop down. This sudden silence drags on until he snaps your fingers and you start, turning your attention back to him. “Oh, I know. You can come to this party I’m throwing next week.”

“You’re throwing a party?”

“Yeah. I just thought about doing it. Like, right now.”

This time, you don’t even have to try to push away the idea that he’d just thought to throw a party for you; a surge of unpleasant memories arises to do the job. The last party you’d been to was back in middle school, and it had ended with you skidding across the floor because someone had puked on it. You were only lucky that the extremely furious parents who actually owned the house and didn’t know that there would be a party in their living room had caught you before you’d broken something of theirs.

You remember Jeno had been there. He was in a different section at that time, and you’d never spoken with him; in fact, you’re fairly certain you hadn’t known his name back then. But even so, he was still the coolest kid in attendance. Everyone liked that kid that was extremely tall and good-looking and also knew how to play the electric piano.

“That’s… cool.” You inhale a little reluctantly, and Jeno cottons on, looking at you warily. “It’s just… you know. Parties. They get messy. People get drunk. Puke. Make out.”

“Yeah. That’s what they’re for.”

“Not really my scene. Especially the puking part.”

“Oh god, I remember I was at this party once in middle school. Some kid had puked in the middle of the living room and some other poor chick had slipped on it. Hilarious.”

“Ha,” you feign laughter, and it sounds disgustingly dry. “Hilarious, yeah. Can’t remember that happening, but I’m sure that was super funny.”

“Come on. It’ll be fine. Besides, you said you wouldn’t reject any of the other stuff I recommended.” He tilts his head like he’s asking, but his face is pretty resolute. You wring your hands together, and he notices. “If I promise to make a no-puke rule, will you go?”

You know he’s doing this because he’s fulfilling a part of the bargain; it’s really more of an obligation to him than anything else, and that much is clear. Still, the way he talks, the way that he presses the subject makes it really easy to trick yourself into thinking he actually, really, really wants you there, which creates this huge, almost terrifying and overwhelming wave of elation that muddles you into agreement.

“Okay. I’ll go.” He smiles at your response, and the feeling in your chest just swells to a new height; it’s almost like he’s happy you’re going, or you can at least delude yourself into thinking that much.

“Awesome. I’ll let you know about the details, although it’ll probably be at Jaemin’s.”

You point to the opposite side of your house, in the general direction of your neighbor’s lot. “That Jaemin?”

“The one and only.”

“I guess it’s cool if I don’t have to look for a ride.”

“You can still hop into my car. Make a grand entrance. People will love that.”

“That’s okay,” you laugh again, but this time, it sounds genuine, to your relief. “But is Jaemin going to be okay with it? His parents?”

“Yeah, it’ll be fine. They all love me,” he chuckles. “Jaemin won’t say no, anyway. It’s not like we can have it at my place.”

“Why… not?” You suddenly get flashbacks of Jaemin calling you nosy, but you shake him and his loud laugh off once Jeno starts talking.

“Too small. Not good for entertaining. You guys would probably have to eat dinner in my bedroom.” He says lightly, jamming his cap back onto his head just as his phone starts ringing, a light blinking from in between his thighs. He looks down at his phone briefly before turning his attention back to his cap, making sure his bangs aren’t flattened by the rim. “That’s my sister. I’m supposed to pick her up from work. I have to get going, but hey — I’ll see you next week?”

“Yeah, definitely,” you stand with him, and he grabs his backpack before patting his pockets to make sure if he has everything valuable to him. You walk him to the door, opening it for him, and he steps out into your driveway, walking towards his car. You stand by the doorway, hugging your laptop. The assumption is that he’s just going to drive off, but he turns around as he opens the driver’s side door, pointing a finger at you like he’s just remembered something. You freeze in place, once again squishing your laptop close to you so hard that it makes a noise.

“You should probably text your sister about that USB drive, by the way.” he reminds you with a small smile before folding his enormous body and climbing into the car.

You don’t even have the opportunity to say anything because he’s shut the door behind him. Through the tinted glass, you see one pale palm move; it takes you a second to realize he’s waving at you. Your hand instantly shoots up, waving back at him as he pulls out of the driveway and back into the road.  

You wait for his car to zoom out of sight before you close the door, red in the face and ready to explode with joy.

Lee Donghyuck gives you back your proposals with a smile on his face near the end of the next physics class. Technically, he smiles like that all the time because he’s required to, but his grin looks a lot more genuine as he approaches you with your proposal, which Jeno takes from him.

“Cool topic,” he even comments, pointing a finger to the huge B-minus on top of the paper that’s circled in red ink. “You guys need to work a little on the content development, though, but it’s just the proposal. If you guys work even harder on other requirements, you’ll ace it.”

You seriously don’t think he expects you to actually ace anything, but you appreciate the quick pep talk, especially since Jeno actually looks impressed.

“I would have never thought I would have gotten a B-minus in anything for this class,” he whistles under his breath. You smile at him, not bothering to add the fact that B-minus isn’t as breathtaking of an achievement. Still, you think that if you can push each other — and also maybe Renjun into helping you out here and there — you might at least secure him a slot into the graduating class.  

You’ve gotten used to parting ways with everyone else in the class to have lunch together with Renjun, and even on days when Physics classes fall before lunch, you only linger a minute longer than usual to accord Jeno the traditional gaze of longing that he doesn’t notice before dashing off. This time, though, as you’re gathering your books and making to leave, Jeno stands up with you, slinging his bag over his shoulder.  

And there they are — the words you’ve always wanted to hear from him. Well, some of them.

“Want to walk to the cafeteria together?”

You look around to make sure he’s not calling out to anyone else, which becomes clear once you realize the only other person who’s left behind is Lee Donghyuck, and he doesn’t even turn at the sound of Jeno’s voice.

“Really?” You can’t even mask the elation in your voice, which just spikes when you see the corners of Jeno’s lips turn up slightly in amusement. “Yeah — yeah, okay.”

No one actually looks at you while you walk next to him in the cafeteria; the probability is that his height eclipses yours so much that you don’t even look that noticeable, and neither of you is causing a scene, which is always a great bonus. You have to take two steps for every one of his, but you also notice that he’s taking a much slower pace than usual, which can only mean that he’s making sure you can keep up.

You spot Renjun at your usual table, reading Lee Ho Cheol’s Panmunjeom anthology, which he’d posted about on his Facebook status over the weekend. The feeling of being able to like his statuses again was fairly nice, and you’d given it the little heart reaction. On instinct, your feet carry you towards him until you feel a warm hand wrap around your forearm. It covers more than half of that part of your arm, so it can’t be anyone’s but Jeno’s, and you look up in total shock as he stares down at you with equally strong confusion.

“Where are you going?” He asks, genuinely perplexed.

“What… are you doing…” you breathe out, feeling a little faint. He doesn’t notice that you look like you’re close to drooling on him since he’s starting to steer you away from Renjun. “What…”

“Table’s this way,” he says plainly, like this should be obvious to you. You can see that he’s headed towards where he normally sits, which is already filled with people, laughing loudly and talking over one another. You jerk your head back to Renjun, who has noticed you now and is watching you with an unreadable expression over the top of his book, half of his face hidden.

“Um — yeah, but I just thought —“

“Okay, so second lesson — don’t write this down,” he stops you from reaching into your pocket to bring out a pen. “If you want to be popular, you need to make sure you surround yourself with equally popular people.”

“Are these rules stuff you just sort of make up on the go, or…?”

He gives you an amused and patronizing look. “Obviously.”

“Okay — okay, but can’t Renjun sit with us?”

“He can if he’s not just going to ignore everyone by reading his book. Or if he’s not going to make any mean comments about anyone.”

You open your mouth, ready to promise he’s not going to, but you’re struck by the realization that he might just sit there and finish Panmunjeom without even saying hello. Even if he didn’t, you can’t guarantee that Renjun will be pleasant around everyone being noisy all at once about things he doesn’t really care about. Being pleasant around one person — Jeno — is already kind of a herculean task for him.  

“Yeah, okay, fine. But can’t I at least tell him I’m sitting here?”

Jeno slowly releases your hand, nodding. You try not to make it too obvious that you’re disappointed at how quickly that moment of contact had come and gone. “Yeah, okay. I’ll get my food and save you a seat, then.”

You wait for him to walk towards the cafeteria line, noticing that a couple of freshmen give way so he can go first; you can tell he smiles at them because they giggle as he walks by and grabs a tray. Making a beeline for Renjun, you also see that he suddenly lifts his book higher to cover his face, probably to hide the fact that he hasn’t flipped a page since.

“Hey,” you say, and he puts the book down, looking disgustingly innocent in his fake surprise.

“Hey. When did you get here?”

“Just now,” you slip into the chair across from him. “What’s for lunch?”

“Something they say is bulgogi but might be yesterday’s fake steaks cut into really thin pieces.”

“Okay, cool,” you don’t even look at the bowl when he tilts it your way so you can see. “Anyway, um, I really hope you don’t mind, but Jeno asked me to sit with him today for lunch.”

“Oh.” Renjun takes a bit of bulgogi on his fork, examining it with feigned interest before popping it into his mouth, chewing slowly. “I see.”

“It’s just for today. I promise. Are you — is that okay?”

He studies your expectant face, thumb brushing over the spine of his book. Your fingers are knotted on the table like you’re praying.

“Yeah, it’s okay,” he finally concedes. “I said I’d support you… so… this is me. Supporting. You. The both of you. If that’s already a thing.”

“It’s not, but you’re the best,” you reach out, giving his hand a squeeze. He mutters something that sounds like I know, taking his hand back and using it to shut his book.  

“But we’re still going to see Love and Thunder  this Saturday, right?” He confirms.  

“Ye— oh, wait,” his expression darkens considerably when you backtrack, looking a little sheepish. “I think I might have something to do over the weekend, so I can’t really make any promises right now.”

“Dude, seriously? It’s the movie of the year. What could be more important than three hours of Marvel hero ass-kicking?”

“Well, it’s just,” you drum your fingers against the table, trying to think of a less direct way to phrase such a basic statement. You come up with nothing, so you just come clean. “There’s a party…”

“You hate parties,” Renjun replies immediately. “You’ve haven’t been to one since middle school.”

“I know that, but —“

“Do you? Does it make sense that you know that you hate parties but are thinking of going to one anyway?”

“Well — you know. Jeno invited me.”

Renjun makes a slightly sour face, but it isn’t directed at you; he’s looking at Jeno, probably, seated a little way away. You turn to look apologetically at him, but you notice that he’s already looking your way, his eyes narrowed in effort like he’s trying to read your lips from this distance but can’t.

“What if something bad happens? Parties aren’t exactly the safest, cleanest, least traumatic events in the world,” Renjun points out. “You could turn someone’s house into a puke slip ’n slide again.”

“Or,” you raise a finger. “Is this the party I could go to so that I can forget about that event that happened ages ago and, thus, free myself from that trauma?”

“Thus? What is happening to you?” He shakes his head, fingers coming up to knead at his brow. “But — so no Love and Thunder?”  

“We can go the day after.”

“You’re not going to be too hungover?”

“No, of course not. Besides, it’s going to be at Jaemin’s house. If it gets too much, I can just walk home.” You can see he’s softening at the mention of it being in a nearby location and not in like, some abandoned warehouse. “Plus, you can come. You know, we can have fun together. Just… eat, dance a little, mingle. It’ll be fine.”

“Am I allowed to come?”

“Of course,” you don’t know if there’s a guest list, or anything, but Renjun seems to get along with most people in your level as long as their names don’t start with a J and end with a eno. “Please? We can even walk there together.”

“It’s like twenty steps from your house, so it’s really not the appealing case you think you’re making.” He sighs. “Fine, fine. I’ll go. And we can watch Love and Thunder the next day. But I’m holding you to that.”  

“Awesome,” your heart feels infinitely lighter, and Renjun even gives you a half-hearted grin. “Great — so, I’ll just — you know —“ you point towards Jeno’s table; Renjun nods slowly, picking up his book again.

“Yes, yes. Go on,” he shoos you away, once again pretending to grow immersed in his book, even though you know he’s snorting to himself when you give him an excited thumbs up before leaving the table.

You even feel like there’s a small skip to your step when you walk to the line, and the grin never leaves your lips as you get your tray and pile what really does look like fake bulgogi on your plate; the cafeteria lady is surprised by your expression, considering you’re surrounded by generally somber ones, and she mistakes your smile as you being excited to eat the food and tells you to take more. Somehow, you’re in such a good mood that you do, which earns some alarmed stares from the people behind you.

The conversation is in full swing when you approach Jeno’s table, and your heart jumps a little when you’ve noticed that he’s kept his word and saved a seat for you — right beside him, no less. His food is half-finished, and he’s talking to Park Jisung about what sounds like some massive multiplayer online shooting game, but he stops when you sit down.

“You guys don’t know _______________, right?” He addresses the whole table; a whole set of eyes lands on you suddenly as his voice rings louder than everyone else’s. “She’s my physics project partner.”

“Of course we know her,” the girl to Jisung’s right, Jimin, pipes up. “We don’t live under a rock, and we’re almost all in the same year, dumbass.”

“I was just announcing it for Jisung’s and Minjeong’s sakes,” Jeno fires back easily. “Who, by the way, aren’t in the same year level.”

“Well, address them specifically next time,” she laughs. “Hey, _____________.”

“Hello,” despite your excitement, your voice comes out way smaller than normal, and it even cracks, which causes you to clear your throat, a feat that mysteriously causes most people to laugh.  

“I know Jimin noona is dazzling to everyone,” Jisung says. “But just for the record, she’s taken. By me. Obviously.”

You stare at him, a little dumbfounded, as Jeno tosses a wilted leaf of lettuce at his face. It doesn’t even make it to the halfway point of the gap the table makes between them. Jisung sticks out his tongue childishly.

“Anyways, I told you guys earlier that we were having a party, this weekend, right?” He points at Jaemin, who, until now, has been quietly wrapping his bulgogi into his lettuce and stuffing them whole into his mouth. “Your house, dude.”

Jaemin rolls his eyes good-naturedly, still in the middle of chewing his food, but he takes one big gulp to respond. “Did you even ask me?”

“Does he ever?” Jisung contributes, amused. “Jeno hyung, why can’t we ever have parties at your place? Jaemin hyung’s house has like ten million pictures of his family that we might break.”  

“Okay, fine; my house. You guys better pull food weight this time, though,” Jaemin agrees suddenly, like he hadn’t been indignant a moment ago. Jeno looks satisfied with this response, not bothering to answer Jisung’s question, which is a little weird; you’d assumed that everyone he was close to also knew of the reason why he never held any events at his house considering the answer he’d given you when you’d asked the same thing had been so simplistic. You don’t take the time to dwell on this, however, since Jeno speaks up.

“I’ll bring the drinks,” he volunteers before adding, “Ice included, Jisung.” The latter makes a face at him, and everyone laughs again, and you presume it’s some inside joke. You smile for a second before you realize it probably seems disingenuous.

It’s weird, you think, that they’re so comfortable around each other, even with their seemingly different personalities. It had always just been you and Renjun, which suited you just fine, but it’s also robbed you of the opportunity to figure out how to interact in a much larger, more outgoing crowd, which is a missed opportunity you’re feeling the effects of now. People start piping up about what they’re going to bring, with Jisung getting a small smack upside the head from Jimin after he volunteers (again, apparently) to bring utensils and “himself, which is gift enough.”

“What should I bring?” You whisper to Jeno.

“Nothing,” he sounds surprisingly sincere and reassuring, not to mention he matches the volume of your voice somehow, making it seem like you’re having your own private conversation. “Just come and have fun.”

“Okay,” you half-wheeze, and he smiles down at you before rejoining the conversation, responding immediately when Jaemin speaks up.

“This time, you guys seriously need to stay away from my bedroom. And my brother’s. And my parents’. Actually, what I’m really saying is that you people need to unlearn how to use stairs.”

“You’re really going to deny your room any action?” Jeno fires back easily.

“I don’t want to go to sleep on a bed someone else made out on,” Jaemin sighs, in a heavy way that somehow causes you to think he’s probably been through it more than once before.

“No one just makes out on a bed.”

“We’re in school, Jeno. You know what I mean.”

“We’ve made out on a bed,” Jisung wiggles a finger between himself and Jimin, who tells him to shut up, something he does almost immediately, even if he and Jeno exchange a high five that creates a sound so loud you’re surprised there’s no physical aftershock.

“________________, Minjeong and I were going to go to the mall on Saturday morning,” Jimin calls your attention underneath Jeno and Jisung’s long arms. “Want to come with? We can have lunch together, too.”

“Oh — yeah, sure,” you agree, and she smiles so brightly and sweetly at you that you blush. Jisung was right about the dazzling thing, then.

“Cool. Text me your address and we can come pick you up.”

You spend the rest of your lunch mostly listening and learning about these people, and you’re somewhat thankful they don’t put you in the hot seat and just interrogate you about yourself. You find out that Minjeong’s trying to get her driver’s license soon, and Jisung had actually been interested in joining an entertainment company as an idol trainee before he’d found out that they confiscate your phone for years, something that ended up being a dealbreaker for him. You learn that Jimin is applying for a English Comparative Literature undergraduate degree in Seoul National University, which Jisung says is inexplicably both “the hottest and the most boring thing about her.”  

The weirdest thing you learn about this band of friends comes up when Jaemin suddenly stands, saying goodbye to everyone hurriedly before rushing off with his plate. No one finds this weird except you, so you bring it up.

“Oh, Jaemin hyung is on the chess team. He has practice during lunch once a week,” Jisung informs you when you ask.

“He’s on the what?” You glance at Jaemin, who’s walking out of the cafeteria at a brisk pace.

“The chess team,” he repeats without any further explanation. You look at Jeno, who shrugs at you.

“Yeah, he likes that stuff. Everyone in our year is a big nerd.”

“Except you and me,” you add, and his lips turn up again, seemingly pleased with your statement. There it is again — your heart flipping over and screaming wildly.  

“Exactly. Except you and me.”

You don’t actually expect Jimin to follow through with her shopping invite, but she actually ends up texting you on Saturday morning instead of the other way around, asking for your address again after saying that she’d gotten your number from Jeno. You’re so out of sorts when they arrive not ten minutes later that you actually have to double back for your wallet and your phone.  

Jimin has almost always been in a separate section from you in school, while Minjeong is a whole year below you, and they’re also extremely close, so you’d never really gotten the chance to know them, and your expectation is that this excursion is going to be an awkward and pitiful event. They end up being really nice, though, and Minjeong even asks you about your physics project with a tone of genuine interest, commenting about how Jeno is exceptionally good at playing the guitar. You also naturally assume that they’re going to just mill around the boutique area for clothes, but Jimin actually drags you around to some electronics shops to look for a gaming headset for Jisung, and Minjeong goes to three different pet stores to look for the right dog food.  

“You should have tried out for the cheerleading team,” Jimin says when the three of you have settled down at the food court with bowls of bibimbap. Minjeong wordlessly picks out the carrots from her bowl and dumps them in Jimin’s, who doesn’t even bat an eyelash. “We’re a little under the member quota right now. No one likes risking their lives on human pyramids anymore.”

“I can’t imagine why,” you say, and Jimin laughs.

“Seriously. It wouldn’t hurt for you to try. Besides, even if it’s the last semester, we could really use some extra members. Right, Minjeong?”  

Minjeong looks up at you, her egg dangling between her chopsticks.

“Do you want my egg, _____________?”

“Sure,” you reply, amused. She quickly lays the egg on top of your own, even going so far as to arrange them neatly so that their yolks are aligned. “Are you allergic to something?”

“She’s a picky eater.” Jimin explains, using her spoon to squash her egg’s yolk.

“I have a refined palate,” Minjeong corrects her, fishing out a stray piece of carrot and placing it in Jimin’s bowl.

“You eat like a baby.”

“Baby food is pretty good.” Minjeong admits. “The banana-flavored ones are nice.”  

“Gross,” Jimin laughs. “This is exactly why you and Jaemin broke up.”

“You and Jaemin dated?” You raise your eyebrows. Minjeong nods, mixing her rice methodically with her spoon. “What happened?”  

“He got tired of ordering banana-flavored baby food for her,” Jimin quips.

“Will you shut up? Anyway — yeah, we dated last year, really briefly. We just didn’t work out. I did some work for my dad over the weekends back then, so we just never got the chance to go on actual dates. We said we were going to take a break or something, revisit the dating thing when we were less busy, but we just kind of left it in the past, and we started seeing other people.”

“You started seeing other people, you mean,” Jimin corrects her. Minjeong nods, thoughtfully mixing her rice before taking a slow bite.  

“Yeah. Besides, it just sort of felt like a relationship of convenience. Like, we were both there, we were both single, so we tried it. It was okay while it lasted. We’re still friends.”

“But I’ve already heard about Minjeong’s boring love life six hundred times,” Jimin points her spoon at you, a grain of rice flying at high speed in your direction. “Oops, sorry. So what’s going on with you and Jeno?”  

“Oh,” you have to swallow your own spoonful of bibimbap hard because your throat has suddenly constricted. “Nothing’s going on with us. We’re just partners. And… friends?”  

“You’re not dating?”

“Not in the slightest.” Your mind flips back to when Jeno had said he didn’t want people getting the wrong idea about the both of you. Yet. Whatever that meant. “No way.”  

“Oh,” Jimin looks weirdly disappointed. “I thought you were, since he suddenly started asking about who you were seeing. We thought it was a trick question, like we were supposed to answer ‘him.’”  

“But you like him,” Minjeong says it like it’s not a question but a factual statement, which it is, but you still take a while to respond, feeling put on the spot suddenly.  

“I mean… he’s nice.”  

“And cute,” Jimin adds.  

“And cute,” you agree. She smiles triumphantly, as if this is some kind of game she’s winning. “But… nothing’s going on.”  

“Well, Jeno doesn’t date often. I mean, he goes out with girls. But I don’t think he’s been in a relationship for a while,” Minjeong adds thoughtfully. “Maybe he’s starting to think about getting serious with someone?”

“I don’t know.” You like the idea of it, but realistically speaking, it’s not like you two were that close. Then again, you also weren’t sure about how close any two people should be to start thinking about dating each other. It’s not like there’s some kind of rule book. “Maybe. Maybe not.”

“Coy answer,” Jimin sounds approving. “Definitely a sign that something’s going on.”

“Wh— no, I mean, I’m not sure about… you know, we don’t really talk—“

“You don’t really have to,” Jimin winks, and the seaweed pieces in your bibimbap suddenly get very interesting, even though you know the two of them are exchanging looks.  

They drop you back home after lunch, waving goodbye (with Jimin screaming out a see you later!) as they drive off, and you’re so exhausted from the walking and the fact that you’d had to carry Minjeong’s bags of premium dog food back to her car that you fall asleep the moment your body hits your bed. You wake up with a considerable amount of drool on your pillow and three missed calls from Renjun.  

“Not that it’s a big deal,” Renjun says when you call him back. “But I don’t know what to wear to parties.”

“I don’t think it’s a black tie event,” you rub the sleep out of your eyes. “Just wear something casual? Cool? I don’t know either. Also, when did you suddenly start caring about how you looked at parties?”  

“You make it sound like I’ve never tried beforehand.”

“Your signature style is graphic tee and jeans, so…” There’s a loud noise on his end of the call and you hear him mumble a swear word. “What happened?”  

“The closet rod fell,” he whines. “Also, graphic tee and jeans are Jeno’s signature style too. He even had ripped jeans, which make him look more homeless than I do.”  

“Jeno’s jeans are artistically ripped,” you correct him. “Yours are ripped because your dog tries to eat them when they’re hanging out to dry.”

“And you don’t know if Jeno’s own dog has ripped his jeans artistically,” you can hear him struggling with the metal rod, and his voice becomes more and more muffled as you assume that his phone is sinking deeper into his neck as he holds it between his shoulder and ear. “I’ll call you back. Or — you know what, I’ll just be there in fifteen minutes.”

“Make it twenty, I’m still half-asleep.” You hang up and press your face into your pillow, falling back asleep until Renjun arrives within the promised twenty minute time span, chastising you for your lack of punctuality the entire time you sluggishly change your clothes. The only helpful thing he does is call your sister in to help you fix your hair, which she does enthusiastically as you yawn at your reflection and Renjun criticizes your poor scheduling even further while he plays online minesweeper on your laptop.  

“So we only stay for an hour, hour and a half max, right?” He confirms as you walk towards Jaemin’s house. The door is open, and there are people outside, already deep in conversation.  

“Right,” you agree. You don’t hold the fact that Renjun wants to leave quickly against him; for some reason, being around this many people is making you a little queasy, and you don’t know what people do in parties apart from truth or dare. Unfortunately, no one seems to be sitting in a circle around a spinning bottle when you enter; instead, all the furniture has been cleared out for a table that has food piled onto it, and the coffee table is stacked high with paper cups and drinks. Mark Lee and Jaemin are by the ice bucket, and the latter notices you first, waving at you.  

“Hey, ______________, Renjun. You guys made it,” Jaemin pushes a cup of what looks like Hwanta at you, taking Mark’s cup of soda as well and handing it to Renjun. “No traffic, I hope?”  

“Just the same old pile-up. It takes really long to get here, you know,” you smile, and he laughs easily.  

“So your parents are okay listening to trashy music from upstairs?” Renjun asks, looking around for any sign of parents.  

“No, they’re out for dinner with friends, and my brother stays in a dorm in college, so they’re not affected that much.” Jaemin looks like he’s about to say something else, but something beyond the two of you catches his eye and he mumbles an I’ll be right back before speeding off, disappearing into the crowd. Mark is pouring himself a new cup of soda, throwing Renjun a wounded look when he isn’t looking. You decide to strike up a conversation instead of watching him wait for Renjun to apologize for the technically stolen drink.  

“So has this been going on for a while, or…?”  

“No, it’s been maybe half an hour, or something. Oh, I think Jimin was looking for you. She’s somewhere—” He points around the room, clearly unsure. “Somewhere around here. I’m sure you’ll bump into her later. She and Jisung are probably groping each other in the garden or something.”  

“Since when did Yoo Jimin start dating Park Jisung?”  

“Since they sat next to each other on the KTX to Daegu over the break. You should ask Jisung about the make-out session that steamed up economy car A. He says seats 13 A and B still smell like her perfume and his cologne mixed together.”  

“Ew,” Renjun comments, and Mark makes a noise of agreement.  

You’re only half-paying attention to their disgust about Jisung and Jimin’s history of desecrating public spaces since you’ve spotted Jeno, who’s watching a group of juniors play what you assume is beer pong. You keep thinking about going over to him and saying hi, but you can’t seem to figure out when the right time is. Also, your nerves get the best of you, so you just stand beside Renjun as he starts a weird bonding experience with Mark Lee.  

Luckily, you don’t have to do anything at the end of the day; Jeno suddenly notices you, pushing himself off the window he’s been leaning against and walking over. You grab Renjun’s arm by instinct, and he lets out a sharp ow as you squeeze him. He manages to shake you off just before Jeno stops in front of you.

“_______________,” he looks pleased. “You made it. And… you brought Renjun with you.”

“Hey,” Renjun says flatly, handing his half-drunk cup of soda back to Mark, who takes it with a dumbfounded look on his face. “I think I see Donghyuck, so I’m gonna go say hi.”

He slips away before you can say anything, but Jeno doesn’t even look perturbed; he glances at Mark, who meets his eye then suddenly turns to walk off, and you hear him asking someone where the trash bag is.  

“So, are you enjoying?”  

“I just got here, but it seems great,” you try to sound enthusiastic even if you’re shouting a little over the new song that’s started playing. “Music’s a bit loud though.”  

“Makes awkward pauses less awkward,” he says sagely, and you can’t help but think there’s some logical inconsistency in that, but you just shrug it off, nodding up at him. “Did you get to try the pizza?”

“Not yet; why, did you make it with your own two hands, or something?”

“No,” he shrugs, grinning. “But I ordered it with my own voice.”  

You laugh as he does, but the sounds get drowned out by EXID’s Up and Down playing at full blast. He makes a motion, but you don’t catch on, so he just takes your wrist and leads you through a throng of people back to the beer pong game. Upon closer inspection, you see that the liquid inside is a lot darker than you expected.  

“It’s just cola,” Jeno explains. “We were thinking of buying beer, but most people here can’t drink anyway, so it would have been a waste of money.”  

“Smart,” you comment sincerely, watching the two guys on the opposite ends of the table consistently miss their targets. “So you just have to get the ball in the cups? And then what?”  

“The other person drinks. Hey, Jaehyun,” he calls out to one of the guys playing, who looks up and consequently gets hit in the cheek by a flying ping pong all. “Show _____________ how to play.”  

“She can just take Taeyong’s place; he sucks anyway.” This comment elicits a rude gesture from the other boy, and you notice they’re both wearing similar jackets with a logo you can’t really place but looks suspiciously official.  

“You both suck. Let her take a turn; I’m gonna go ask Jaemin if he has more ice or if we need to make a run.”  

Jeno places his hand on your back, leading you forward; the guy named Taeyong reluctantly steps aside as Jeno walks away, greeting some guy that looks familiar but who you also can’t place in your memory as he passes by.  

As it turns out, you’re not half-bad at beer pong; you manage to get Jaehyun to drink four cups of cola, which has him burping all over the place and begging for a break for his stomach. The party is in full swing now, but this is the part that starts to feel uncomfortable, and you excuse yourself from the game with the promise that you’ll play with the two of them again once you’re all of legal drinking age.  

The garden is no better when you exit; there are people in groups that you know you won’t be able to squeeze yourself into. You do actually see Jimin after a moment of scoping, but her limbs are intertwined with Jisung’s in the mini gazebo, and you don’t really want to interrupt, so you just head back inside.

The music is extremely grating now, and you’ve eaten two slices of pizza and downed at least three glasses of different kinds of soda, so you also feel a little bloated and sleepy. Jeno hasn’t resurfaced either over the last hour or so, and you think it’s high time Renjun must be antsy to get home. The problem is that you can’t find him in the living room or the kitchen; you actually knock on the bathroom after gathering up some courage, but the female voice that answers that it’s occupied makes all that effort go down the drain.  

You trust Renjun wouldn’t leave without telling you, but you’re also not sure why he would be missing for this much time. The fact that you’re just standing by the food table while people pass by, say non-committal hellos, and leave with pizza slices in hand makes it even more uncomfortable. In the end, you decide to text Renjun to meet you back at your house and weave through the crowd to get to the door.  

There are still people outside, and while some are leaving, others are also talking or flirting, and you notice that these are more people that seem familiar but unfamiliar all at once. They all look a little older, too; a couple of guys are all wearing sweaters with the same obnoxiously large logo you’d seen on Taeyong and Jaehyun’s jackets, and it dawns on you that these people must be from the university level, hanging at a party away from younger kids. You scan the grass for Renjun, but you don’t see him anywhere either.  

What you do see is Jeno standing extremely close to a girl who’s wearing a similar university sweater. He has one hand around a cup, but his other hand is sandwiched between the girl’s palms. You can’t really discern his expression, but his brows look knitted, and his mouth, while open, doesn’t seem to be moving.  

You feel like you’ve seen this scene before, back at the dance where you had snapped upon seeing Lee Gyuwon and Jeno together, leaving poor Chenle behind. You’d only recently learned to laugh about that situation, so this one comes as both a painful reminder and an unfortunate addition of scenarios that made you extremely uncomfortable. You have to placate yourself with the reminder they just seem to be talking, even if they are standing really close to each other; nothing is actually happening, save for the fact that you can sometimes see Jeno’s hand gripping the cup in his hand a little tighter now and again.  

All of this just goes out the door when the girl leans in, pressing a hand to his chest, and kisses him.  

A voice inside your head tells you it’s frankly masochistic to keep staring at two people kissing when you like one of them, but you just stand there, rooted to the spot, watching the girl wrap an arm around Jeno’s neck. He pulls away after a while, and his mouth starts moving really quickly. His eyes dart around, like he’s watching for something, until they land on you, and his lips stop mid-speech. The scene gets blurrier, and you think you’re going to pass out for a second until you realize you’re just crying a little.  

Soft fingers wrap around your forearm, pulling you away gently. You think it might be Renjun, who’s finally found you after all that hullabaloo, but when you regain some sense, your attention focuses on Jaemin, who’s leading you back to your house. He’s doing so wordlessly, without even looking at you, and the noise of the party fades into an easily ignorable buzz once you reach your driveway. He stops you right at your front door, pausing a little before facing you with a small smile.  

The part of you that hates yourself the most tempts you to look back, to see if you can still glimpse Jeno from this far away; your head actually starts to turn, but Jaemin reacts quicker, trapping your face between his palms and keeping your head steadily towards him. His smile grows a little, but it doesn’t reach his eyes, and his teeth don’t show like they usually do.  

“Hey. Just look at me first, okay?”  

“Um,” is the only thing you can say considering you’re not sure if he’s doing this randomly or for some unknown reason.  

“Your hair’s kind of a mess, you know that? Did you get in a fight, or something?”  

“No, I was just… you know, there were a lot of people, so I probably bumped into a few of them,” your voice sounds distant, but you’re glad to hear that it still works and that you can form something of a coherent sentence. Jaemin laughs softly.  

“Yeah, it did get kind of crowded back there.” He starts to gently put strands of hair back into place, but it’s clear he has no clue what he’s doing because he sighs and drops his hands to your shoulders after a minute. “Anyway, you seemed a little out of it, so I thought you might want to go home for a quick break. If you want to go back, though, we can.”  

“No,” you say quickly. “I was… actually just looking for Renjun. So we could leave quietly.”  

“Well, usually, if you’re leaving a party, you’re supposed to tell the host,” he chuckles softly. “But since I dragged you here, I guess it doesn’t apply.”  

You want to laugh, but all your body seems to want to do is produce tears; you can’t even understand why you want to cry, considering you and Jeno aren’t dating, and he’d made that extremely clear. You suppose that it had just seemed like all the events were leading up to you getting together, although you may have just been reading between the lines when you weren’t supposed to thanks to your endless bounty of personal delusion.  

Either way, you didn’t want to cry about it — especially not in front of his best friend, who probably thinks it’s pathetic enough that you’re hopelessly deluded. You inhale in an attempt to calm yourself down, but all it does it signal your body into letting out a soft sob. Jaemin doesn’t move, and his expression hardly changes, save for the fact that the smile is back to its unnaturally small state. He actually looks like he’s… sad? That doesn’t seem right, though; maybe it’s really more like he pities you, which you can’t even blame him for.  

Still, he gently raises his right hand again; this time, instead of attempting to fix your hair, he gently places his palm against your head. Then lifts it. Then places it back down again. Soon, you’re standing in your driveway, crying silently while the guy from next door is awkwardly patting your hair like you’re a wounded puppy. It doesn’t last more than five minutes, but it’s still a fairly embarrassing period of time, and you wipe at your eyes aggressively while he retracts his hand.  

“Kind of stupid, huh?” Your voice is thick and ugly. “Crying after a party.”  

“Crying after a party, yeah. Crying after seeing someone you like kiss someone else? Not stupid at all.”  

“So I didn’t hallucinate?” You sigh, hiccuping yourself into a slightly calmer state.

“No, unfortunately. I mean, Jeno is — anyway, it’s not really any of my business, I guess. Do you want me to look for Renjun back at my house, or something?”  

“No, it’s fine. I texted him that I was going home anyway, so he can just come find me when he sees it, I guess.” You feel like your voice is childishly sullen, and Jaemin must think so too, because his smile grows again, like he wants to laugh. “But… thanks for walking me home.”

“I almost dragged you home.”

“But I used my two feet,” you crack a smile, wiping away a stray tear that’s just fallen from your eyelashes. “So I still technically walked.”

“Can’t argue with that logic,” he agrees.

You both stand in front of your door, not moving; you’re not making eye contact either, but it doesn’t feel too uncomfortable. There are a ton of things you want to ask him, but all of your questions seem either too upsetting or too invasive, so you just stay quiet until Jaemin looks up again, focusing on something past your head.  

You turn to find Jeno approaching, and his eyes are flickering between you and Jaemin. His hands ball into fists for a second, like he’s steeling himself.  

Jaemin’s voice seems different when he talks again, and he’s not looking at you when he speaks. “I should get back home. See you, _______________.”

He brushes past Jeno, not looking back as he returns to the party. Jeno watches him go, making sure Jaemin’s past your property line before turning back to you.  

“You left so quickly,” is how he opens the conversation.  

“Oh. Yeah, it just got crowded. I lost Renjun, and I couldn’t eat anything more,” you explain lamely. “Sorry. I guess I should have told you.”  

“No, it’s — that’s totally fine. I just… I guess you really didn’t have a good time.”  

“I did; no, I totally did.” Up until a few minutes ago, you want to add, but there’s no way you would. Jeno nods, not really looking like he’s fairly interested in how much you enjoyed the party. “I found out I’m… pretty good beer pong, so that probably bumped my cool points, right?”  

“She’s my ex-girlfriend,” he suddenly blurts out, skewing the conversation’s falsely casual atmosphere drastically towards a topic you were desperate to avoid. You stand in silence, fairly stunned, and Jeno looks like he’s about to burst completely, his words coming out a little too fast because he wants to say so much. “She used to go to our school. A year older. We broke up during her last year; she said she didn’t want anyone from her past tying her down in college. I mean — we — she — we were over. It was fine. But she showed up tonight, I guess since she heard from Jaemin’s brother that there was a party… I didn’t know. She never told me. We just — I guess she thought we could get back together, so we talked, and she kissed me. But we’re not. Back together, that is.”  

“Uh,” you say, once again at a loss for words. “Okay.”  

“It didn’t mean anything,” he starts to slow down, looking a little relieved that he’s gotten the crux of the story off his chest. “She was a little drunk before she got here. It was just a spur of the moment — no, sorry. It was just a mistake. That’s it.”  

“It’s… I mean, it’s… it’s fine?” It’s not, you know, but you don’t know what else to say considering it’s supposed to be fine to you. “She’s your ex-girlfriend. You’re bound to still have feelings for each other. Also—”

“We don’t,” he interrupts you. “We don’t have feelings for each other. I mean, I don’t. For her.”

“Okay, but I also don’t know why you’re telling me all of this.”  

“Because. Because I know you saw us outside.”  

“I did,” you admit, still feeling the uncomfortable pang of distress at recalling the sight. It seems to be triggering your fight or flight instinct because you’re taking slow steps back, but Jeno is just moving forward with you too. Even when you run out of space to step, he’s still advancing, eyes focused on you, like he’s watching for your expression. “And it’s your right to make out with your ex-girlfriend. It doesn’t have anything to do with me.”  

“Doesn’t it?”  

“Does it?” You’re thoroughly confused now, and it looks like Jeno is too. “We’re just friends, aren’t we? We’re not really even that. My opinion on your relationships doesn’t really… matter.”  

“It does though. It does to me.”  

You fall silent, dumbfounded; your mind can’t decide on which feeling to focus on first, so you just stand there looking stupid. Jeno is standing really close to you now, and you can actually smell the fabric conditioner on his hoodie and the cologne that’s fading off from his skin. When he speaks again, his voice is barely above a whisper.

“You like me.”  

It’s not asked like a question, but he pauses like he’s waiting for you to respond. You’re too close to him to feel comfortable enough to lie and deny, plus the situation seems so intense that the thought of doing something wrong doesn’t even cross your mind. You nod, and he doesn’t even look the least bit surprised.

“I’m telling you all of this because I know you like me. Because I don’t want you to misunderstand something like that.”  

“It doesn’t matter, though,” your voice is also soft, less because you’re trying to be quiet and more because if you speak up, you’re afraid you might start crying again. “You don’t have to explain something like that to someone who likes you just because they like you. It shouldn’t be a concern.”  

“But I want to,” he says firmly. “I want to make sure you know — I’m really not with that girl. What happened back there — it didn’t mean anything.”  

“But why?”  

He reaches out, and the action feels eerily similar to Jaemin’s; his fingers idly toy with loose strands of hair, but it doesn’t feel laden with the motive of comforting. Instead, his hand skims down the side of your face gently, stopping just below your jaw. You wonder if he’s noticed you’ve stopped breathing, but if he has, he doesn’t make it obvious. His thumb extends away from his hand, lightly tracing the height of your cheekbone.  

“Because I don’t want something like this to push you away from me,” he murmurs. “Because I want you to like me. Just me.”  

[mischiefmanaged71]

The Love Hypothesis (10/22) - Stephen Strange x Reader

Summary: Y/N Y/L/N is a PhD student who wants to prove to her best friend that she has moved on and dating. With no way to prove it, she kisses the first man she sees, which ends up being none other than Dr. Strange, known as one of the most unapproachable and critical professors in the university.

A/N: AU! Stephen Strange is a Professor/Doctor at Columbia University and reader is a Ph.D. student (Reader - 28, Stephen - 34). Credits to Ali Hazelwood for the original story. This work is a piece of fiction. I have no ownership over anything, this is ff.

Pairing: Stephen Strange X FEM! Reader

Word Count: 1.7K

Series Masterlist

It’s a crazy phenomenon, how fast the night changes. With a single thought, she applied to Columbia. Within a moment, she lost someone most dear. With one fabled lie, Y/N had secured a path into discovery and deception with one Stephen Strange. The thought of it all would’ve sent her into a spiral, but unfortunately, she didn’t have the luxury of thinking about such prospects. It would be too much for her heart to handle. 

With Stephen in Boston, she had a moment to consider the facts of her current predicament. How she was feeling right now about their relationship. All that he hadn’t told her. It was a curious situation she wished hadn’t come to fruition as it had. But then, she wouldn’t had the chance to know him. And the thought alone had her sighing with content. The sound of his voice, the comfort of his embrace. The way, he knew just with a look. 

Looking down at her phone, she clicked the notifications, delighted inside with the message.

Stephen sent an image.

It was a photo of a coffee cup with his name written on it.

Stephen: It’s camomile...

It brought a smile to her face as she stared at the image.

Y/N: So much for dislike.

Stephen: It’s an acquired taste, I suppose.

She smiled, typing back.

Y/N: Evidently. 

How was your flight?

Stephen: It was fine. What are you up to?

Y/N: Just a few tests to run for the week. A TA meeting. 

Stephen is typing...

Stephen: Fun stuff.

Y/N: I know.

She sighed, looking up from her phone with response. Stuffing her phone into her pocket, Y/N sipped from her coffee. Continuing on her walk into the biology building, she was surprised to see Hayden walking past her.

“Oh, Y/N.” he smiled in greeting, 

“Dr. Reyes.” 

“I thought I told you to call me Hayden.”

“Right. Hayden.”

He smiled, looking at the cup in her hand “Coffee? That sounds like a great idea about now.”

“Long day?”

“Long week.” he confirmed with a tired smile. “Boyfriend out of town. huh?” he grinned.

Her eyebrows raised before she nodded, “Oh, um. Yeah.” 

“Are you going to the ball?” he asked.

She blinked, thinking back on the conversation she had with Stephen. “Yeah, I wasn’t planning on it until Dr. Xavier sent me the invite.”

“It’s a pretty exclusive event, you see.” Hayden smiled, watching as her eyebrows perked up. “I’m just kidding, but you should come. It’ll be interesting.”

Y/N recognised a bit of Stephen’s humour in him as she laughed along.

“Well, now I have to go.” she smirked, “Dr. Xavier was also pretty convincing. I think he is forcing me to go, anyway.” 

“Did Stephen talk to you about it?” 

The question stumped Y/N as she paused, “We briefly spoke on it before he left.”

“Great. I suppose you’ll be going together.” he smiled, “I’ll make sure to let you get in a dance or two.”

Her eyebrows perked up in concern, “There’ll be dancing?”

“It’s a ball. Of course there’ll be dancing.” he winked.

Add that to the bottom of her list of concerns.

“Have you been speaking on the phone?”

“Texting when I get the chance.”

Hayden smiled, “Stephen’s always been busy and holed up in his lab. He’s been better since you started dating.”

She wasn’t sure what to respond with except for a pensive look.

“I’m glad he finally scourged the courage to ask you out. He’s been going on about an ‘amazing’ girl for years, but he was concerned about being in the same department... and you know how Stephen is.” he shrugged, “And-I don’t know. I’m glad he finally decided to pull his head out of his ass. You seem good for him.”

Her head would explode. None of this made sense. The Title IX complaint. The bathroom meeting. If Stephen had remembered her, he would have said it. He was famously direct, so why would this be any different. Hayden was obviously speaking of someone else. Some other ‘amazing’ girl in the department who wasn’t her.

And with this new knowledge, Y/N felt her heart fall further down into a rut. She pushed past it, refusing to allow any tears fall from her face. 

“One of these days, we should go on a double date. I’ve been meaning to step back into the game, anyway.” 

She forced a smile, “I’d love that.”

“Stephen would hate it intensely, but that’s only if he knows.” he winked. “I could tell you so many stories about him between the ages ten to twenty-five. He’d be horrified.”

A thought crossed her mind, “Do you know much about his friend, Tom?”

“Stephen mentioned you might be working with Tom next year. Is that true?”

“That’s the plan.” she shrugged.

“Watch your back around him, okay?”

She leaned forward, “What? Why?”

“Stephen too. Especially Stephen’s back.” Hayden’s expression was serious enough that shook Y/N, before it lightened. “Anyway. They knew each other from grad school. But all the good stories about him are from his teenage years. That’s where I come in.” he winked.

“You should probably wait until he’s present to tell me...”

He probably wouldn’t appreciate Hayden telling her all of his past and secrets. They were fake-dating, but Hayden didn’t know that. There was also the fact he was most likely in love with someone else.

“Trust me, I want him present when I tell you about his blonde phase.”

“Blonde?” she squinted at him as he stepped out of the building.

***

Rushing down the hall toward Dr. Charles Xavier’s office, Y/N felt herself growing more weary with each step. Knocking on the door frantically, she waited for his greeting before entering. 

“Y/N, are you alright?” witnessing the distress on her face.

“Tell me I read this wrong. I can’t speak at the conference.” she rushed.

Dr. Xavier steepled his hands, “You didn’t.”

“I can’t do it.”

He tilted his head, “And why not?”

“I can’t do public speaking.”

“My SBD extract was accepted as a talk. Not a poster. A talk. In front of people.”

“That’s wonderful news.” 

“It's terrible news.” she argued sullenly.

“I have to say, Y/N, out of my students this semester, your research is one of the more promising ones I’ve been able to witness.” the compliment drew a smile on her face.

“Thanks.” she tucked her head.

“I know this isn’t what you prepared for, but it’s a great opportunity. This will give you greater visibility for a post-doctorial position.”

“But its public speaking.” she repeated in a sullen tone, “I can’t.”

“Can’t or won’t?” he challenged.

She sighed, “I’ll freeze up, stumble over my words and make a fool of myself.”

“You won’t make a fool of yourself.” he stated with conviction, “You’re a capable and intelligent young woman. You speak eloquently right here. Channel those skills and you will be okay.”

“I still think this is a mistake. I’m not sure I can do this.”

Dr. Xavier sighed, “Why don’t you prepare a draft and practice during the lab meeting? I’m happy to help you in any way I can.”

She smiled, thanking him before leaving. Standing in front of his office for the next eight minutes sounded like a good idea as she stared at the wall.

“Why are you staring at the wall outside your advisor’s door?”

Y/N turned to Natasha, numbly repeating the story “My abstract got accepted. The SBD one.”

“Congrats!” she smiled, “Why do you look so glum though?”

“It was accepted. As a talk.” she deadpanned.

“Oh.” Natasha grimaced, looking at Sam, “No. You know what, we can work with this.”

Y/N groaned, banging her head against the wall “How? How will I fix this? There’s nothing to be done. It’s going to be an epic disaster.”

“What did Dr. Xavier say?” Sam asked.

“He’s thrilled. Said there’s better opportunities for networking, this way.” 

“That’s a positive.” 

Y/N glared at Natasha, sliding down the wall with a groan.

“The conference is in less than two weeks and I am not prepared enough. Speaking of, we need to book a hotel-or an Airbnb.”

Natasha grimaced, and looked at Sam.

“About that...” he trailed off, “We already have.”

“You already booked.” she looked up.

“The conference hotel.”

“Alright, what do I owe you?”

“The thing is. Steve’s hotel was paid for because of that fellowship he is on. Natasha is staying with him and then Jess, Cole and Hikaru offered for me to stay with them.”

Her mouth gaped, looking between them “Seriously?”

“It’ll save us a lot of money and it’ll be the first trip I have with Steve.”

“That’s great. I just thought we’d go together.”

“I know, I’m sorry. But Steve pointed out you know...” she continued, “I mean why would spend money on a room when you could room with Strange?”

“Because...” a vessel burst in her brain.

“I’ll miss you, but we’ll only be apart when we sleep.”

“Right.” she nodded, “Course.”

“Awesome. We can get meals together and hang out during poster sessions.”

“Course. Look forward to it.”

Y/N tiredly stared at him, exasperated with the current circumstances. “Nothing?”

“Alright, I gotta jet.”

Sam crouched down, "I didn’t come up with the plan. That was Nat. I couldn’t exactly do anything with her spit-balling ideas. She can be scary sometimes.” 

“Right. Next time I’ll just tell her you can’t stay with Strange because you’re fake dating. Although now that you’re in love with him, this could be good-”

“Alright, stop there. Before you say something you’ll regret.” she warned, raising her eyebrows.

“I’m sorry, I tried to convince her but then it slipped my mind and we ended up here.”

“It’s fine, I’m going to have to find someplace to stay.”

“I’ll help you look online tonight.” he told her.

“Thanks, but don’t worry. I’ll manage.” 

Probably, since the conference was in a few weeks. Everything was probably booked up already. She sighed and tiredly rubbed a hand through her hair.

“You’re not mad, are you?”

She closed her eyes, “No, I’m not mad. It’s just inconvenient.” 

With a heavy weight on her shoulders, Y/N shut her eyes and the thoughts of how she came to be here flooded her mind.

TAGS

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[forevfangirlwrites]

Hey, so I have a prompt for the How to Handle Fame au. Okay, so like fans are speculating that they're engaged so Percy's just freaking out like was I supposed to propose by now??? I don't really know how to word this sorry

“Did you know there’s a rumor going around that you’re actually the estranged son of a rich businessman?”

He looks up from his laptop to see Annabeth scrolling through her phone.

“What?”

She glances up with a smile. “Yep, there’s some rich guy that has similar eyes to yours or something like that, which is how it started, I think.”

“No way, this is actually a real rumor?” he asks, attention officially lifted away from the menu he’d been designing.

Annabeth shrugs. “I guess so, Rachel texted me that some tabloid printed it.”

Well, that would explain why he hadn’t known, he stays away from tabloids like the plague. Especially since they print crazy things like this. And given that his dad is, well, dead, it makes the claim that much more outrageous.

“How do people come up with this stuff?” he asks, completely shocked (and lowkey impressed) at the audacity.

Annabeth laughs. “You look so confused, it’s adorable.” She leans forward to peck him on the cheek. “People always find something to spread around.”

Placated by the kiss, he settles back into the couch, turning his attention back to the menu.

“If only I was the son of a rich businessman, it’d make starting this business easier,” he mumbles under his breath, glancing up to see Annabeth laugh again.

-.-

He tries to brush off the rumor, he really does. But the curiosity starts eating at him enough for him to actually look at the dreaded tabloids to see what other rumors are going around about him, or Annabeth.

“Did you know that people think you can’t drive?” he asks Annabeth a few days later when she walks out of the shower.

She shakes her head, walking over to her vanity. “You shouldn’t be reading tabloids.”

He knows that…it’s just…how can people think Annabeth doesn’t know how to drive? It’s all so stupid.

“But yes, I do know that one,” she concedes, looking at him through her mirror.

“It doesn’t make any sense!” He jumps on the opportunity to continue talking about it. “Why would they think that? You do drive!”

“Not often,” Annabeth says, applying moisturizer. She meets his eyes in the mirror and laughs at the expression on his face. He continues his tirade.

“Yeah, but you definitely do. But even if you didn’t, what a weird conspiracy to spread around.”

Annabeth gets up and walks over to the bed where he’s sitting.

“You’re so cute,” she says, leaning down to peck him on the cheek again. “It is pretty random, but don’t get too caught up in all that stuff. It’s not good for you.”

Getting in bed beside him, she smiles. “But you know what is?”

He thinks he has a pretty good idea when she pulls him in for a kiss.

-.-

Annabeth was right.

Annabeth is always right. He should have stopped after the businessman, or the driving, or even after the whole ‘is their relationship a publicity stunt’ part.

KEEP READING ON AO3

A/N: Thank you so much for this prompt! You were the first person to send it in and then a bunch more came in so it was a pretty popular one. I know it was a long wait, so I hope you like it! Thanks again!

[magniloquent-raven]

that soulmate au where everything you draw on yourself shows up on your soulmate, right. saw a post asking "what if make-up counts" and.

steve always thought his soulmate was a girl.

because when he was nine his nails stained themselves a messy purple in the middle of breakfast. it was exciting, the first time something like this had happened to him. he dropped his spoon into his oatmeal and banged on the tabletop til his nanny agreed to call his mother.

his mother was distracted over the phone, but she sounded happy enough. he went to school with an ear-to-ear grin on his face, staring down at his nails the whole drive there.

by second period the nail polish was gone, but the bubbling feeling in his chest wasn't.

a few months later, late one saturday evening, steve was in tommy's room debating whether the mark they saw on carol's arm really was the dog tommy had drawn on himself in math class, when suddenly tommy stops, stares. and laughs.

and steve is confused until he glances around and catches sight of himself in a mirror. there's a pink smear across his mouth, glossy and shining when he moves his head, but clearly applied with a shaky hand.

steve shoves tommy off his chair, suddenly feeling defensive. it's not funny. make up takes practice. steve's sure he'd be bad at it if he tried.

but thankfully it doesn't stay long. an hour, at most.

it happens again the following saturday. and every saturday for five months. gold eyeshadow and shimmering powder on his cheeks, glittery lip glosses, bright colours all applied inexpertly, and never for more than an hour or two.

then. it stops. one saturday, nothing happens. he stays up all night, unable to stop flicking the lights back on to glance at himself in the mirror just in case, but every time the twisting feeling of disappointment is just worsened.

that morning, exhausted and upset, he grabs a marker, scribbling the first thing that comes to mind across his arm.

i bet you looked pretty

there's no response. he's not sure if this kind of thing is allowed. talking to your soulmate like that. or if it's, like. cheating the system or something. he gets nervous after a few hours. maybe it's the lack of sleep messing with his head, but he scrubs it off in a fit of panic around lunch time.

and years go by. when they're old enough for girls to start wearing makeup regularly he hopes, wonders, glances at himself in the mirror so much, but it's always just his unmarked face staring back at him.

his soulmate doesn't draw on herself. she doesn't wear make up anymore. not even nail polish. steve starts doodling on his hands just to stop feeling so bare. empty. but he also starts carrying a packet of wet wipes in his bag so he can clean them off

and then. he's nearly eighteen, on a date with nancy and her subtle purple eyeshadow. and he's trying not to look too sourly at tommy and carol across the diner, sucking face and smudging the matching hearts drawn on their cheekbones. carol thinks it's cute, when she does her makeup sometimes she'll add hearts or stars by tracing tommy's freckles.

steve resents it. deep down, he does, and always has. he should've just been happy for them, but he's just. lonely.

but nancy gets it, he thinks. she's never gotten marks, she's not even sure she has a soulmate. sometimes steve's not sure he has one anymore either.

except.

except nancy's looking at him funny, and he asks her what the problem is, and--

"are you wearing eyeliner?"

he runs to the bathroom. and. and yes he is. it's smudged, almost artfully messy instead of just clumsy like it used to be. he pokes at his eye, running a finger under his eyelashes, tracing the inky lines.

he's overwhelmed. relieved.

frustrated.

what kind of girl only wears make-up at night? and how the hell is he gonna find her if she doesn't wear it during the day like everyone else. when people can actually see it.

shit, maybe she lives in. like. australia or something. in a different time zone.

steve goes home that night with a whole whirlwind of distracting thoughts. mixed emotions. he tries to cling to the knowledge that at least she's still out there, somewhere, but he can't help but feel even lonelier imagining how much distance might be between them.

six months later billy hargrove blows into town, loud and attention-seeking and annoyingly gorgeous. steve doesn't know what to make of him. not at first.

doesn't know what to do with the way billy's eyes follow him everywhere he goes. or the press of billy's chest against his back during practice. or pretty boy like you. or sparks in his fingertips every time he thinks about the colour blue.

until math class gets extra boring and steve starts to doodle aimlessly, swirling patterns up his wrist and something like waves crashing in the palm of his hand.

the back of his neck starts to itch, like he's being watched, and he looks up, meeting billy's horrified stare from the other side of the room. his arm is held close to his chest like he's injured it, and for one confusing moment steve wonders how the hell billy broke his arm in math class, and why he isn't going to the nurse, but then--

then he sees the corner of a curling line, peeking out from hiding. blue ink staining tanned skin.

steve drops his pen. it clatters to the floor, drawing a couple glares in the silence.

before he can do more than blink and mouth wordlessly, billy bolts. he doesn't even take his text book with him, leaves his notes scattered across his desk. the classroom door slams shut behind him.

steve wants to follow him. wants it so badly he's shaking with it, need and desire and everything in him trying to get him up and moving. but he can't. he's not stupid. he knows how it'll look, and that's the last thing either of them need.

so he waits. waits fifteen agonizing, impossibly long minutes.

and he's out of his seat the second the bell rings, gathering up billy's things before he half-runs out of the room.

it's easier to find billy than he thought it would be. he's in the parking lot, leaning against his car with a cigarette between his lips, staring down at the lines on his arm.

his hand darts into his pocket when he spots steve, and he squints up at the sky with feigned nonchalance.

a smile tugs at steve's lips.

"i brought your stuff," he says softly, quietly, like he's afraid if he's too loud he'll spook billy and scare him off. and. maybe he is.

billy glances at him out of the corner of his eye. "...shouldn't have bothered." he kicks the ground.

steve lays the books on the camaro's hood and shuffles a little closer to billy. the look he gets is wary. a warning. they're still at school. there are people around. there's a million reasons why he shouldn't reach out right now and kiss billy like he's wanted to do since this stupid infuriating asshole rolled into town like he owned the place. so.

he doesn't.

he stands close enough that their shoulders touch, pointedly not looking at him, staring sightlessly out at the parking lot instead.

"i was right, you know."

"hm?"

"about you being pretty."

billy makes a strangled noise. "that...was a long time ago."

"yeah? and?"

"it. it was dumb kid shit. i wasn't. i didn't. i don't do that anymore."

"uhh, few months ago--"

"i made a mistake," billy snaps, shoulders tense, hunching and pulling away from steve's.

steve turns, then, looks at him. sees the fear glinting in his eyes. and it hurts. a visceral pain, right through him. "billy..." his hand twitches at his side and he resists the urge to touch him. "i won't...i won't tell anyone. if you want it to be a secret it will be. i promise, okay? promise." he pauses, with relief, watches billy relax a fraction. "can...can it be our secret though?"

billy raises his eyebrows. "what."

"i wanna see. if. if that's okay. i wanna see you."

for a second steve thinks billy might hit him. shove him away and run again. but the moment stretches on and a flush starts to creep across billy's cheeks. he shifts his weight around. "i...maybe."

it feels like a win. somewhere to start.

and he feels nine years old again, giddy, smiling like a loon, and hopeful for the future.

(edit: pt2 here)

[chaeryybomb]

TRAITOR

pairings: female reader x lee heeseung

summary: you thought lee heeseung was the best boyfriend you could ever wished for. but they did warn you about long distanced relationships. at first, you convinced yourself that it was just your insecurities taking over. but your gut feeling has never been wrong

genre: college au, lovers to exes, fluff, angst, sad ending

featuring: kang hyewon, shin ryujin, lee chaeryeong, lee daehwii, yang jeongin & zhong chenle

word count: 10.4k

warnings: breaking up, mentions of insecurity and cheating, arguments, strong language

the sour series masterlist

Setting down the final box on the ground, you released a sigh of relief and stretched your arms upwards. The satisfying sounds of your joints popping gave you a sense of relief as you stretched. Then you felt a pair of arms snake around your waist. You smiled as you took in his familiar scent. You reached up to touch his neck as Heeseung pressed a kiss to the side of your head.

"Thank you for your help, lovely," he mumbled in your hair.

You turned around in his arms and clasped your hands behind his neck, toying with the back of his hair. Lee Heeseung was looking at you with pure love in his eyes and you couldn't be more happy. "I can't believe we're both finally in university," he said, squeezing your waist.

"Hmm yeah, finally out of high school," you hummed. "It's sad that we didn't get into the same university though," you cupped his left cheek, rubbing his cheek lovingly with your thumb.

Heeseung nuzzled into your hand, slowly drawing you closer. "I can always drive to your dorm, it's just a three hour drive from here."

"Or I can drive to you," you replied.

He scoffed, "Yeah if you get your driver's license," he teased.

You rolled your eyes and softly punched him on the chest before pushing yourself away from his embrace. "Listen, not all of us can miraculously pass on their first try okay," you defended yourself but Heeseung just laughed at you.

Although you tried to act like you were mad at his joke, you couldn't wipe the smile off your face as you sat down on his bed. Currently, the two of you were in Heeseung's dorm. You wanted to help him move in before you had to leave. Heeseung and you were high school sweethearts, the school's loveliest couple. And you've been together ever since then. Today marked a new milestone for the both of you as you had finally graduated from high school and now both of you were accepted into different universities.

The both of you had decided to do what's best for each other and went to different schools. It was for the sake of your future, you didn't want to cause a commotion just because you guys were three hours apart. Plus, it was just three hours. Heeseung could always come visit you and video calls were a thing. You're friends were scared that the both of you wouldn't survive a long distance relationship but you had faith in each other. And that was enough.

Heeseung was lucky to have a room all for himself, whereas you had to share a dorm with two other girls. His room was small but big enough for one person. You knew Heeseung was a simple man, if it had a bed and a table, that would be enough for him. A knock on the door caught your attention, you suddenly remembered that you guys had left the door open when you were moving boxes.

Outside the door stood a pretty girl with long blonde hair. She was really pretty, you noted. She looked so natural as a blonde as well, you couldn't help but thought. The pretty girl sent both of you an awkward smile and waved. You stood up and walked to her, somewhat excited to make a new friend.

"Hi!" You greeted her with a smile, you felt Heeseung behind you.

"Hi," she mirrored your smile. "I'm Hyewon, I'm from the room next door," she pointed out.

"Oh! I'm Heeseung," the taller boy introduced himself. "And this is my girlfriend, Y/N," he smiled at you.

"It's nice to meet you, are you both music majors too?" Hyewon asked. It was common for Hyewon to ask that, considering the university Heeseung applied for is known for their music stream. Heeseung was extremely talented, being blessed with a heavenly voice and all. It was his dream to pursue a music career. Thanks to you, he found the courage to do so,

"Oh no, just him. I don't actually go here," you immediately told her. "I actually go to George University instead."

"Oh! So you're a theatre major then," Hyewon said, surprising you a bit. You nodded in return and Hyewon's smile seemed to grow wider. The university you applied to was quite well known for its theatre arts course. "That's so cool, I'm a theatre major too!"

Your eyes lit up in excitement and you stepped closer to the blonde, eager to learn more about her. But before you could ask her anything, your phone chimed. You gave her an apologetic look before checking your phone. "It's my mom, she's asking when I'll be home. I still have to pack up," you said disappointed. You really wanted to talk more with Hyewon so the both of you could geek out. (And spend a bit more time with Heeseung.) Hyewon looked disappointed too that you couldn't stay longer.

"Let me drive you home," Heeseung started to move to get his keys but you placed your hand on his arm to stop him.

"Nah, it's fine," you shook your head. "I can take the bus home."

"Then I'll walk you to the bus stop," Heeseung said with determination. He was gonna make use of whatever time he had to spend it with you, even if it was for five seconds.

You realised that there was no way of rejecting him, so you just chuckled and said, "Alright, let me grab my bag then." But Heeseung was already one step ahead of you as he had already gone to get it for you. You sent another smile to Hyewon. "It was really great to meet you, Hyewon. I hope we can talk again soon," you told her.

"Likewise Y/N, have a safe trip home," she bid you goodbye before returning to her room.

Heeseung appeared behind you once again, sneakily slipped his fingers through yours and pulled you out of the room. He locked the door with your bag on his shoulder, he looked like he had the intention of not letting you hold it.

"C'mon," he tugged your hand and you giggled, falling into step with him.

The walk to the bus stop felt quicker than it should be, much to your dismay. The bus stop was empty besides the both of you. As the two of you stood under it, you mindlessly swung your intertwined hands back and forth. Heeseung laughed at your action. He released your hand and you looked up curious on why he did it. Heeseung moved so he was standing behind you and wrapped his arms around you, effectively back hugging you.

Your lips tugged upward at the position you were and you held onto his arms. Slowly, he started to rock you back and forth. "I'm gonna miss you," he suddenly said.

You couldn't help but let your smile falter. You were gonna miss him too, you're gonna miss him so much. "This is the first time where we'll be so far apart, I think I might die without you," he rubbed his face into your hair as you laughed at his words.

"I'll call you everyday, Hee. I promised," you assured him with a pat on his arm. The taller boy only hummed in reply but you felt him move his arms to your middle so he could bury his face in the crook of your neck. You giggled when you felt him peppered small kisses up around your neck.

"I love you," he mumbled before pressing a loving kiss to the top of your head.

"Love you too," you leaned back into him.

Just in time you saw the bus in the distance, which meant your time with Heeseung was ending. As the bus slowed down in front of you, your boyfriend finally reluctantly let you go from his slip. "I'll see you soon, okay?" you promised him. He nodded and leaned down to give you one more kiss before you entered the bus.

Sitting down, you waved from the window and he gave you a smile. Oh god, you already missed him. Heeseung watched as your bus left the station. You sighed, leaning back into the seat. This was the beginning of a new chapter of your relationship, and you have faith that the both of you will be okay.

"Thank you," you said to the barista as she handed you your coffee. With your free hand, you pushed the front door open. The November breeze welcomed you once you stepped outside, your coffee warming your fingertips. Your phone then started to ring in your pocket. You fished your phone out and a smile crept onto your face when you saw the contact name.

"Hello, love," Heeseung greeted as soon as you picked up. You smiled at him, holding your phone in front of your face.

"Good morning, Hee. I just got my coffee," you showed him your coffee like it was a little trinket. Heeseung laughed at your child-like action. The second semester was almost ending and your relationship was still going strong. The both of you were consistent with the video calls and text messages. You'd be calling him at the end of every day and the two of you would talk about your day till one of you fell asleep. (Spoiler: It was usually you.)

And now your second semester as a couple is ending, the both of you had decided to retreat back to your hometown during the break like you did during your first break. So you could bask in each other's presence and visit some old friends. It was slowly starting to become a tradition and you couldn't ask for anything more.

"So, how was your audition?" Heeseung asked as you walked past a group of band kids, sending them a smile as they waved at you.

At the mention of the audition, your smile turned into a pout. "Rejected, as usual," you sighed. You have auditioned for almost every play in your school but you were always rejected or chosen as a background character if you were lucky. You knew that there were a lot of talented students in your school, but you felt dejected each time.

"Sorry, love. I'm sure you'll have better luck next time," Heeseung told you with a sad smile. "I wish I could hold you right now."

You looked at him with a sad gaze, "Me too, Hee." You couldn't lie that long distance relationships were hard, everyday was spent through a screen and you yearned to be next with him physically. During the first few weeks, you told yourself that you would get used to it after a while. Spoiler alert, you still haven't gotten used to it. "But enough of that!" You said, waving away the depressed aura and taking a long sip from your coffee before letting out a sigh. "Our break is coming up and I can't wait to see you."

At the mention of the break, you noticed how Heeseung visibly flinched. His eyes suddenly weren't looking at you anymore, averting his gaze to the side instead. "We are going to be seeing each other, right?" You inquired. But you were met with silence, you stopped in your tracks when Heeseung didn't say anything. "Hee?"

"Actually, Y/N," he started to say and you felt your heart sink already. He didn't call you "love". Some may say you were being dramatic, but Heeseung only used your name whenever something was serious. You're not going to be able to see him during break, your mind told you. You knew it was the most possible outcome, but you hoped that you were wrong.

"I'm not going back during break."

And there it was, what possibly could have been the worse news for you. "Oh," was all you could say, your fingers tightened slightly around the plastic cup before you plastered on a fake smile. "Well, there's always next semester," you assured him, but it felt more like you were reassuring yourself. This was going to be your first winter break without Heeseung.

Heeseung smiled at your reply, a twinge of sadness in him but he brushed it off. "The reason is cause a senior from the film department asked me for help," he explained. "You see, there's a music video competition and he asked me if I could write a song for it."

Your eyes lit up in excitement. "No way! So they're gonna shoot a music video for your song?"

Heeseung nodded with a big smile. "Yup! It's such a big project, like they're bringing in some of the theatre kids as the actors and we're gonna start filming, like next month."

"I'm so happy for you, love," you told him truthfully. Internally, you were scolding yourself for feeling sad that he wouldn't be free during the break when he has something big going on in his life. Stop being so selfish, your mind scolded. Of course you felt a bit blue but this was a big opportunity for Heeseung, imagine if they won the competition. He would finally get some recognition for his music. And the fact that the senior chose him to write the song meant that people were already starting to appreciate his songs and his voice. You were being selfish, like a child.

As Heeseung continued to tell you about the project, you resumed your walk back to your dorms. You listened to him intensively, capturing every small detail in your heart. It was rare for you to see him speak so passionate. Music was his passion, his safe place. You knew that and you wanted him to live a life where he could make his dream a reality. A singer on the bright stage with thousands, no, millions of fans to appreciate his vocals.

You managed to reach your dorm just as Heeseung was being called for off screen. A feminine voice was calling from him and you easily recognised it. "Is that Hyewon?" You asked.

A few seconds passed and a familiar looking pretty blonde came into view. "Y/N? Y/N, hi!" The blonde waved at you enthusiastically, Heeseung was slowly being pushed out of the frame. You could tell he was scooting over to make space for Hyewon. An uneasy feeling slowly sprouted in you when you saw how Hyewon and Heeseung were sitting too close, but you shoved it down when the blonde girl grinned at you.

"Y/N!"

"Hyewon!" You responded with the same enthusiasm, which made the two of you burst into a fit of giggles.

"I'm so sorry for disturbing your time but Chan is looking for you," she apologised, the last part directed to your boyfriend.

"Ah, it's okay, I understand," you said.

"I'll talk to you later, okay? Love you," Heeseung said once Hyewon was out of frame.

"Love you too," you replied and your phone screen turned black, your reflection staring right back at you. You were frowning. With a sigh, you stuffed your phone back into your phone pocket to unlock your front door. Your coffee was now cold in your hands and the uneasy feeling from before was slowly creeping back in. You did not like it one bit.

Chaeryeong and Ryujin thought you were being dramatic, they were right in a way. But you were too busy missing Heeseung to be bothered. You missed his warmth, his voice, the way his hands perfectly fit yours when he held them. you missed the way you laid your head on his chest when he sat behind you, you could always hear his steady heartbeat. It always lulled you to sleep in seconds.

You let out a long and loud sigh as you flipped onto your back on your childhood bed. You had returned to your hometown one week ago, which also meant another week without Heeseung. Your best friend and roommate, Chaeryeong, was the one who drove you both home. The last time you saw her was when she dropped you off at your parents home. And you've been dwelling in your Heeseung-less days ever since.

Reaching over to retrieve your phone, you moved to open your chat with Heeseung. The last text message from him was from this morning. It was just a simple "good morning" text, and you replied with the same message except you added a heart emoticon at the end. And the message was on delivered. Not even on read. You don't know which one was worse.

Your phone suddenly dinged and you immediately sat up straight, thinking it was Heeseung. But your shoulders sagged in disappointment when you saw it was just a message from Jeongin. If Ryujin had seen you right now, the short hair girl would have called you a "lovesick fool". She was right, of course but still.

[2:42 pm] jeongin: guess what

[2:44 pm] chenle: what

[2:44 pm] jeongin: guess

[2:45 pm] chenle: no

[2:45 pm] chenle: just tell us

[2:46 pm] jeongin: g u e s s

[2:46 pm] chenle: n o

[2:46 pm] jeongin: guess goddammit

[2:48 pm] ryujin: jeongin i stg

[2:48 pm] ryujin: i will break ur kneecaps just tell us

[2:49 pm] jeongin: ugh fine theres a amusement park and i wanna go

[2:50 pm] chenle: its winter

[2:50 pm] jeongin: yeah and

[2:50 pm] jeongin: is there snow? no

[2:51 pm] jeongin: so therefore, amusement park

[2:51 pm] ryujin: i-

[2:52 pm] chaeryeong: where is it

[2:52 pm] jeongin: its like a 2 hours away from here

[2:54 pm] ryujin: and who tf would be driving us genius

[2:55 pm] jeongin: y/n bc she loves us

[2:56 pm] y/n: since when

[2:56 pm] chaeryeong: and shes alive, great job jeongin

[2:57 pm] chaeryeong: u pulled her out from her depression

i[2:58 pm] y/n: hey im not depressed >:(

[2:59 pm] ryujin: hm sure

[2:59 pm] y/n: >:(

[3:00 pm] y/n: also i dont have my drivers license yet dumbass

[3:01 pm] jeongin: ah right i also forgot y/n cant drive

[3:01 pm] jeongin: ryujin it is

[3:02 pm] ryujin: whAT I DID NOT AGREE TO THIS

[3:03 pm] chaeryeong: lets meet up at jeongin's place then

[3:03 pm] chenle: cool with me

[3:05 pm] ryujin: HEY DONT IGNORE ME

[3:04 pm] y/n: sure!

You stifled a laugh as you read Ryujin's message. Then, you switched to check your chat between Heeseung and you. It was still on delivered. Maybe he's just busy with filming and recording. Yeah, he's probably busy. Stop being so selfish, Y/N.

Yang Jeongin just had to choose the coldest day of the year to go to the amusement park, didn't he. You silently thanked yourself for dressing up in an extra layer, unlike Chenle who looked like he was about to die from frostbite. Whereas Jeongin had a huge grin plastered on his face as he looked at the Ferris Wheel ahead. You rubbed your hands together, bringing it to your mouth to blow hot air at it. You heard the car door slam shut behind you and Ryujin walked next to you.

Families lined up at the ticket booth, laughter and chatter filled the atmosphere. You spot some couples around the area as well, the sight of them tugged at your heartstrings. You wished Heeseung was here with you, he would've wanted to go on the Ferris Wheel with you.

Chaeryeong linked arms with you and Ryujin, leading the two of you to the entrance. The boys already beat you guys to it, you realised. Once Chenle handed you your ticket, you were immediately dragged to the first ride that caught Jeongin's eye.

After a couple of hours, you found yourself resting on the bench with a cup of hot chocolate at your side. Your social battery was empty and you didn't know where the rest of your friends had gone. Ryujin may have mentioned going to the restroom, you're not sure, you were too tired to keep up. So here you were, on the bench next to the Teacups Ride.

You watched as the visitors walked past you. Some were students with their friends laughing as if it was their last day on earth, children giggling as their parents lifted them up in the air and couples sharing a loving look. You fiddle with your phone, debating whether you wanted to text Heeseung or not.

The both of you had called each other last night. You couldn't see him but his voice sounded tired. You felt bad for calling him. Maybe it was for the best if you didn't. You picked up your hot chocolate, the warmth spreading through your fingers as you blew on it. Your body relaxed once you took a sip, enjoying as the warmth spread through your body. Out of the corner of your eye, you noticed a very familiar looking coat.

You saw a couple walking together, he was wearing a coat that looked identical to the one you gifted Heeseung last year during Christmas. It was almost as if that was Heeseung, well his back kinda looked like his and Heeseung was about that height as well. But it couldn't be him, his school was almost three hours away from here. Plus the girl beside him was blonde, she kinda looked like Hyewon.

What are the odds of those two being here, you laughed. But when those two stopped in their tracks to look at the Ferris Wheel, your entire body froze right there and then. That was Heeseung and Hyewon together. What were they doing here?

Your body reacted immediately by standing up. Heart beating rapidly, you were about to walk towards them when you saw Heeseung laughing at something the blonde said. A gnawing feeling grew in you, he was laughing with her. He was at the amusement park with her. Not you. Her.

And he never mentioned anything about going to the amusement park, let alone the same one you were going to. Your feet stayed glued to the ground as you watched them get into one of the carts. Why was he here? Why didn't he tell you? Why was he with her? Why? Why? Why?

You saw Hyewon stopped from getting into the cart and she stretched her hand out while she looked up in the sky, Heeseung following her. It was snowing. It was the first snow. And Heeseung spent it with Hyewon, while you watched from the sidelines. They looked like an actual couple. Snow started to fall, your hot chocolate was losing its warmth and jealousy filled up instead. The noise drilled out of your ear so all you heard was a low buzz, your gaze burning on the two. You didn't notice Ryujin walking towards you.

"Jesus, the line was so long that I-" Ryujin stopped mid sentence, her eyes following the direction of your gaze. "Y/N?"

You walked past her without saying anything, chucking the drink into a trashcan.

Your phone felt heavy in your hands as you paced around your room. You knew your eyes weren't wrong. It was Heeseung and Hyewon at the amusement park, you could tell it was him from a mile away. After that incident, you went to find your friends and told them you wanted to go home because you weren't feeling well. It was partially a lie anyway, you didn't feel comfortable. You don't know what you would do if you had stumbled upon them.

Thousands of questions echoed through your mind. And you couldn't bear to ask Heeseung. You knew you had questions but you didn't know what to ask. Why didn't you tell me? Why were you with Hyewon? Why wouldn't you tell me?

Your phone suddenly rang, causing you to jolt in surprise. The phone screen lit up with his name in bold. He was calling you. Without thinking, you accepted the call.

"Hey, love," Heeseung's smooth voice greeted you.

"Hey," you replied, making sure your tone was steady. You were silently grateful that it wasn't a video-call so he couldn't see the nervousness in your eyes.

"How was the amusement park?" He asked.

You bit your thumb, hesitant to answer. Should you tell him that you saw him today? "It was fun, a lot of people thought," you hummed, moving over to sit on your bed.

"You know, funny story. Today we actually went to an amusement park too," he suddenly said and you froze on the spot. "They decided to film there so we went there in the afternoon, it started snowing too!"

You felt a weight was lifted from your heart. So it was just a pure coincidence. Heeseung never planned to go to the amusement park, he just went with what they said. "It would've been funny if we bumped into each other, don't you think, love?" He laughed but you couldn't find the energy to laugh along.

"Yeah," you mumbled, leaning back into your pillows. He was there to film for the music video. He's busy with the music video. It's always for the music video. You trust Heeseung, don't you?

Winter break went by like the cold breeze and now cherry pink flowers occupied the empty branches. Flowers were blooming from the left and right, the cold winter was now in the past and you welcomed (the still cold) spring into your arms. Which meant you left whatever uneasy feeling and doubts in the past.

You were currently in Heeseung's dorm. Today was a big day, it's the day where they were gonna upload the music video and Heeseung wanted you to be there to watch it with him. Heeseung picked you up from the bus stop and then took you out for lunch. Thankfully it was the weekend so you could stay for the night.

Heeseung was at his desk, his thumbs typing away as he laughed silently at his phone. You wondered who he was texting. Maybe he's texting Hyewon, your mind taunted. You shook your head to drive the thoughts away, you were not going to be paranoid. You already left the bitter feelings in winter, you agreed with yourself that you'll leave it behind. You trust Heeseung.

"Who are you texting?" Yet the question slipped out of you either way.

"Huh?" Heeseung looked up, like a deer caught in headlights. "Oh, uh no one," he quickly said, turning off his phone and placing it on his desk. "I think the music video is uploaded," he added before you could question him more.

He moved to his bed, where you were sitting. You scooted over to make space for him as he sat next to you with his laptop propped on his lap. He clicked into his senior's channel, Jeong Yunho, you took note. And there it was, the music video, uploaded forty five seconds ago. You let out an excited noise once you saw it.

"Not for sale," you read the title out loud. Heeseung had a proud look on.

The music video started off with a frame of Heeseung and Hyewon facing each other, then he handed her a note with the words "Not For Sale" on it. The camera then panned out to film the sky where the title appeared again in bold, and the song started to play. The song had a bubbly beat to it and Heeseung's angelic voice accompanied it. The music video was filled with pastels and some scenes were filmed at the amusement park. Specifically, at the carousel. There weren't any scenes of the Ferris Wheel though, you noted.

The video ended with Heeseung and Hyewon holding hands as they face the sunset, while the camera slowly zooms away from them and into the sky. The last scene was a black screen with all the credits listed out. When you saw Heeseung's name being credited for writing the song, you felt a sense of pride inside of you. Your boyfriend wrote this song, of course you're going to be proud.

Once the video ended, you threw your arms around Heeseung. Heeseung laughed as he wrapped an arm around your middle and the other holding onto his laptop. You planted a big fat kiss on his cheek and he tightened his hold on you.

"The song was so good, Hee! I'm so proud of you, babe," you complimented him, one hand reaching up to ruffle his hair while the other cupped his cheek.

Heeseung smiled and leaned into your touch. "Thank you so much, lovely. This song means a lot to me," he kissed your nose. "I actually thought of you when I wrote this song," he confessed.

You blinked at him, your heart beating faster as you processed his words. You were kneeling on his bed as he looked up at you, pink dusted on his cheeks. Instead of saying anything, you threw yourself onto him, tightly wrapping your arms around his torso to buried your head in his neck. Heeseung let out an "oof" when you knocked him back onto his bed, his laptop on the edge of his bed.

"I love you," you mumbled.

"I love you, too," he said. His hand reached up to stroke your head as the both of you laid there in each other's embrace.

A few minutes passed and Heeseung tapped on your head to get your attention. "Hm?" you hummed in reply.

"I need to go pee, love."

"No," you said stubbornly, tightening your arms around him.

"Please, love. I'll be back fast, I promise," Heeseung told you, looking down on you.

You lifted your head to rest your chin on his chest as you narrowed your eyes at him. "Hng, fine," you pouted before you rolled off him.

"Thank you, lovely," he pecked your lips before pushing himself off his bed, not before moving his laptop to his desk.

You watched as Heeseung left his dorm to go to the restroom. You stretched your arms upwards, making grabby hands in the air before sitting up. You reached over to his desk, which was next to the bed, to get your phone when you saw Heeseung's phone lit up. You knew you shouldn't have looked but when her name was in bold white, you couldn't look away.

[4:47 pm] hyewon: can't wait to do it again hee!

"Can't wait to do it again?" You read the message out loud. Can't wait to do what again? And since when did Hyewon called him "Hee"? That was your nickname for him. The bitter feelings from winter crept back into you like the cold seeping in through the crack of your window. Why did you feel so uneasy whenever Hyewon was alone with Heeseung? Was there something going on?

No, they're just friends, Y/N, you reminded yourself. Just friends.

The door opened and your eyes snapped up to see Heeseung returning from the restroom. Suddenly, you wanted to get out of here. You don't know why, but that text message from her just rubbed you the wrong way and you wanted to get out of there before you say something you regret.

"Ryujin just texted me that she needs my help," you lied. You stood up to grab your coat and bag from the chair.

"Woah, woah, what's with the hurry?" Heeseung took a hold of your wrist as he looked at you. But your eyes didn't meet his.

"Ryujin has an emergency, she needs my help," you said again, this time firmly.

"Oh," his grip on you loosened and you pulled your hand back to you. "I'll drive you back-"

"No, it's fine," you cut him off. "I-I'll take the bus home. I'll call you tonight," the words rushed out of your lips and soon enough you were out of his door.

You did not call him that night.

You ignored Ryujin's questions when you reached your dorm, she didn't press on. Now it was Sunday morning and Ryujin had left for breakfast. You felt bad for leaving Heeseung like that and ignoring Ryujin when she just wanted to help you. And you knew you should've talked it out instead of walking out. Sighing, you curled deeper into your blanket.

After a few minutes, you threw your covers off and sat up. Maybe some warm breakfast would make you feel better. So you went down to the cafeteria to see your friends all huddled up at the corner.

"Y/N, just in time!" Jeongin called out. Curious, you walked towards them and saw that they were watching Heeseung's music video.

"The song is so sweet," Chaeryeong cooed, leaning onto you.

You let out an awkward laugh, not quite sure what to feel because of the act you pulled yesterday.

"It has almost two thousand views. I bet you must feel so proud, huh," Chaeryeong said.

You bit the inside of your cheek as you nodded. Now you feel even more bad, Heeseung wrote this song for you and you should've stayed at his dorm to celebrate with him. Instead, you left because you saw one text message without context. You were being a bad girlfriend, you should apologise to him.

"Who's the other girl? She's really pretty," Jeongin suddenly asked.

"Ah, that's Hyewon. She's his neighbour," you explained.

"Hyewon? As in Kang Hyewon?" Daehwii suddenly said. He was passing by when he heard you say her name and pulled a chair across Jeongin. You nodded. "Oh, I know her," he casually said.

You tilted your head to the side. "You do?" Jeongin leaned forward. You heard Ryujin mumble "simp" under her breath, and you bit back a laugh.

"Mhmm," Daehwii nodded and pulled out his phone. A few seconds later, he showed his phone screen and it was Hyewon's Instagram. "I went to the same high school with her, she was really popular. All the teachers said she had the face of an actress. There was a rumour that she even got scouted by an entertainment company."

Ryujin reached over to grab his phone to scroll through her account. "Woah, she has like two hundred thousand followers," she said in amazement. You leaned closer to Ryujin to check, Hyewon sure was popular.

"Yeah, she's a free-lance model and I think she models for smaller brands," Daehwii added.

You couldn't help but feel very small next to her. She was beautiful and she had somewhat of a reputation in the entertainment industry, a rising model. Imagine what kind of connections she could get for Heeseung…

"I bet Heeseung wrote this song for you," Ryujin suddenly said, smoothly switching the topic back to the song.

You felt your cheeks to warm up at her words. Sheepishly, you nodded. Your friends immediately reacted with a chorus of "ooh"s and Chaeryeong playfully nudged your shoulder. "Fuck Romeo and Juliet, I want what these bitches have," Jeongin quoted and the rest of you fell into laughter.

After breakfast, you and Ryujin strolled back to your rooms with your arms linked together. She was telling you about what happened when you weren't here yesterday. "And then he said and I quote "sometimes bullying is okay" just as a family was walking by, the mom was literally glaring at us," you laughed as she told you. "And then- oh," she stopped, and you stopped as well. She was looking ahead of you so you followed her gaze.

"Heeseung?" His name left your lips before you could even process the whole situation.

Heeseung waved awkwardly at you, internally wincing when you used his full name. You and Ryujin exchanged a look before Ryujin pushed you towards him. You stumbled right into his arms but you took a step out of his arms, you rubbed your forearms instead.

"What are you doing here?" You asked him.

"Ah," he rubbed the back of his neck, "I wanted to surprise you since you left early yesterday. I hope you were able to solve Ryujin's problem."

At the mention of Ryujin's "emergency", you stiffened because you didn't mention that you had used her in a lie. You could feel her eyes on you and mentally hope that she got the message.

"Uh, yeah. It was solved," Ryujin replied with an awkward chuckle. "Actually, I forgot I had to meet up with Chaeryeong so it was great seeing you, Heeseung." You turned around and mouthed a "thank you" at her and she gave you a look as if to say "we are going to talk about this later".

And then the two of you were left alone in the empty hallway. Was it always this awkward?

Heeseung stood awkwardly in your room. This was the first time he looked so out of place. Usually, you were the one at his dorm. He doesn't come over to yours that often since he was more busy than you. So it truly was a surprise when you saw him outside your door.

"So, uh, how are you?" He asked.

You hummed in reply. "I'm doing fine," as you sat down on your bed.

"Great! That's great," he coughed while he played with his fingers.

And then the awkward silence returns. You knew it was your fault for walking out yesterday, you probably made him think he did something wrong. When really it was just you refusing to communicate. You gripped your sheets, your mind running laps on what to say. But he beat you to it.

"Did I do something wrong?"

Your eyes snapped up to finally meet his eyes, he was looking at you with brown innocent eyes. Your heart broke a bit at the sight. "It's not you," you assured him. "It's…it's just me," you told him truthfully.

Heeseung looked at you with confusion, he didn't understand what was wrong. He wanted to help but he didn't know how. So instead, he slowly moved to sit next to you. When you did not move away, he took it as a sign of permission. So he took your hands into his, slowly rubbing circles on top of your hand.

"I'm sorry," you whispered.

"Love, what are you even sorry about?" He softly asked.

"I saw you at the amusement park that day," you confessed.

Heeseung's fingers stopped moving. "Oh," was all he could say. You bit the inside of your cheek, the atmosphere shifted but you can't read him at all.

"I'm sorry," you whispered again because you didn't know what to say. "Ever since that day, I've been feeling weird whenever I see you with Hyewon and I don't like it."

"Love," he softly cupped your cheek to make you look at him, "are you perhaps jealous?" he asked with a teasing tone. You shifted your gaze to the side, you were jealous but you were reluctant to admit it. But your avoiding eyes already sold you out. Heeseung chuckled and brought you into his embrace. "There's nothing to be jealous of. Hyewon and I are just friends," he assured you.

His voice was genuine when he told you and you felt a sense of relief hearing him say those words. You fell forward to hug him and Heeseung immediately accepted you. He planted a kiss on the top of your head and sighed. "Next time we're gonna be honest with each other, okay?"

"Okay."

Heeseung was right, honesty was the key to maintaining a healthy relationship, Heeseung has been nothing but truthful to you since the start, and you allowed yourself to be overwhelmed by your insecurities instead of talking it out. This reminded you of when Heeseung once shut you out because he didn't want to burden you.

He hid his passion for music from you because he thought you would react like his parents, against him. He refused to tell you the truth which left you confused and hurt. Did I do something wrong? The question was constantly in your head. It wasn't until you forced it out of him, and it was the first time you saw his composed figure break down in tears. You embraced him and assured him with comforting words, you loved him at his worst.

And you told him the exact same words: "Next time we're gonna be honest with each other, okay?"

Exam season was the most painful time of your life. Everyday was the same routine: wake up, eat, study, sleep and repeat. You're starting to spend more time in the library than in the comfort of the dorm. Heeseung was just as busy as you, the both of you rarely have enough time to check up on each other. But you tried and so did he.

You plucked out your earphones and let it fall into your lap as you stretched your arms upwards. Chaeryeong and Ryujin were scattered around your shared room, with the latter laying face down on her bed. The three of you had spent your entire morning studying for your own examinations. You had sent Heeseung a quick good morning text before telling him that your phone will be on silent mode until you were done.

That was six hours ago. You pushed your laptop away from you as you reached over for your phone. You smiled when you saw your first notification was from your boyfriend.

[8:15 am] hee <3: okay remember to stay hydrated love! and take some breaks in between!!!

"Look at her, smiling all lovey dovey and shit," Ryujin sneered at you in disgust as she lifted herself onto her elbows.

You stuck your tongue out at her before typing a reply.

[3:52 pm] y/n: guess who's done studying?? 

While waiting for his reply, you decided to scroll through Instagram. Tapping through people's stories, you stumbled upon Hyewon's one. (She had followed you a few weeks ago.) Your thumb pressed down on your phone screen as your breath hitched. It was a photo of Heeseung, it looked like he was in the library and he was reading a book. The words "with mr. hardworking" positioned above his head. You tapped through to the next slide and it was a candid of Heeseung looking up at her with a smile, his hand outreached to grab her phone. This time the words "oops, got caught" were written on the side. You checked and saw it was posted ten minutes okay.

You frowned at the two photos. You knew Heeseung said they were just friends, but you couldn't shake that uneasy feeling away. Your mind was telling you that they weren't but your heart was with Heeseung.

"Who's that?" Chaeryeong suddenly asked.

You jump, startled. Since when was she behind you? Chaeryeong ignored your expression and leaned towards your phone. "Isn't that Heeseung? Who's he with?" She asked.

"Hyewon," you answered.

Ryujin crawled over to plop down next to you, her curious eyes peering up at your phone. "The same girl we saw at the amusement park?" The short-haired girl asked.

You looked down at her, shocked. You never told her about what you saw last winter. Ryujin understood your expression and rolled her eyes. "I'm not dumb, Y/N," she said.

Chaeryeong looked between the two of you with confusion. "Did something happen when we were at the amusement park?"

"Y/N saw Heeseung and Hyewon getting on the Ferris Wheel together."

"Ryujin!"

"What?" She shrugged at you. "We did see them there and it was the reason you were upset," she stated with her arms crossed, now sitting crossed legged next to you.

Chaeryeong gasped beside you and placed her hands in front of her mouth. "Do you think he's cheating on you?"

"Chaeryeong!" Ryujin hissed at the other girl. "Heeseung isn't the kind to do that," she defended him despite what she said before, "right, Y/N?" Ryujin nudged your elbow.

You opened your mouth to defend your boyfriend but no words were said. You bit your lips, Heeseung wouldn't be the kind to cheat, right? Then why were you hesitating? You wanted to agree with Ryujin and say that Heeseung would never cheat on you. So why were you doubting him?

"I'm just saying, long distance relationships never work out. Like Yeji and Soobin, they broke up like six months later," Chaeryeong shrugged innocently and leaned back on her hands as she spoke.

"But that was different, Yeji never really liked him anyways!" Ryujin countered.

"Vivi and Haseul! Everyone thought they were gonna last but they broke up the moment Vivi went home, and they were together for four years. Four years, Ryujin!" The younger girl exclaimed. "Point is, long distance relationships rarely work out."

Before Ryujin could retort, your phone lit up and all three of you looked down. It was a notification from Heeseung.

[4:01 pm] hee <3: hey sorry i was with taehyun

The three of you blinked at the message, Ryujin and Chaeryeong exchanged a look. While you just stared at the notification, refusing to tap into the chat. Did Heeseung just lie to you?

Something shifted in your relationship, you could tell. Calls with Heeseung were now cut short and text messages got short. At first, you blamed it on the upcoming exams and you told yourself that Heeseung was equally busy as you. Sometimes you were too tired to send a text because all you wanted was to sleep but when you tried to give him a call, he always brushed you off with a "I'm busy" text.

Text messages now never got past the "how was your day" before he said that he was going to sleep. Ever since that day with Ryujin and Chaeryeong, you turned a blind eye to the text message. Maybe he really was with Taehyun, you wouldn't actually know.

But that's the thing, isn't it? You would never know what really happens because you're not there with him, your mind taunted you. You shook away the thoughts and tried to be positive. Exams had ended a few days ago and Chaeryeong suggested that you should surprise him with a visit.

So here you were, on the bus to Heeseung's university. You could barely contain your smile, it's been so long since you last saw him and you just missed him so much. You could imagine how happy he would be to see you. An hour later, the bus came to a stop and you thanked the bus driver before boarding off.

Tightening your coat around you, you looked at the road ahead of you with a determined look. You were gonna surprise Heeseung today. And nothing was going to stop you from doing so. You reached the entrance of the school and sent a friendly smile to the security guards.

You made your way towards Heeseung's dorm, your feet have walked this path multiple times. You were familiar with these hallways. Soon enough you reached his door, you patted your clothes and fixed your hair before raising your fist. Your hand hovered in front of the wooden door, Heeseung was one door away from you.  Knocking precisely three times on the door, you took a step back and clasped your hands behind you. You couldn't wait to see his smile when he sees you.

"Surprise!" You said, doing jazz hands the moment the door opened.

"Y/N? What are you doing here?" Heeseung asked you.

You blinked, slightly lowering your hands. Heeseung wasn't smiling at you like you thought he would be, instead he was looking down on you with furrowed eyebrows. His hair was dishevelled, like he ran his fingers through it multiple times and he wasn't opening the door fully, like he was blocking something.

"I was going to surprise you, since exams are over and all-"

"Why didn't you text me beforehand?" He cut you off.

You narrowed your eyes at him and crossed your arms, annoyed that he was questioning you instead of being happy to see you. "Because it was a surprise, Hee, that's the whole point. I wasn't supposed to tell you, surprises don't work like that."

Heeseung opened his mouth but cut himself off with a sigh, he turned his head around to look inside then back at you. "I didn't mean it that way, I just wished you would've told me before," he repeated with a softer tone this time.

You frowned and dropped your arms, you shouldn't have listened to Chaeryeong. Maybe you should leave, the next bus would be in two hours. Heeseung was still leaning against his door, you couldn't see past him. "Whatever, I'll leave then," you mumbled and waved him off, turning on your heel to walk away.

"Y/N! Wait!" Heeseung called after you but you ignored his calls and just continued forward. The taller boy caught up with you and grabbed your wrist.

You tried to shake him off but his hold on you was strong. "Let me go," you said through gritted teeth.

"No, you're mad," he said.

"Of course, I am! I wanted to surprise my boyfriend after not seeing him for weeks but he doesn't even look happy to see me!" You sneered at him, still trying to shake his hand off your wrist.

Heeseung's hands moved to hold your shoulders instead to keep you in place, forcing you to look at him. "Hey, I didn't say I wasn't happy to see you. I am happy to see you, okay? It's just that today's a busy day, love," he explained to you softly.

You stopped squirming and sighed. "Sorry, I just…I just really missed you okay," you told him. You overreacted and got mad at him without letting him explain himself. "Sorry," you said again.

Heeseung smiled warmly at you and pulled you into a hug. "It's okay, love," he planted a kiss on top of your head. You rested your chin on his shoulder and returned the hug.

Then, you watched as a certain blonde walked out of Heeseung's room. Hyewon stepped out of his room and waved at you with a smile. Was Heeseung hiding her? You slightly pushed Heeseung away and he took a step back in confusion. He turned around to see Hyewon and then back at you.

"Hyewon and I were working on a project," he quickly explained.

"Yeah," the other girl nodded in agreement. "If I had known you were coming today, I wouldn't have bothered Heeseung," she said.

"Ah, no. I'm sorry for interrupting the two of you," you apologised, slightly ducking your head. You're not sure if you meant the apology. Should you be sorry that you interrupted them? But Heeseung was your boyfriend.

"Well, I'll leave you two be," Hyewon smiled at the both of you before walking away.

You watched as Heeseung smiled at her and how his eyes followed her figure until she disappeared down the stairs. You bit your lower lip and clenched your fist together, feeling uneasy in your chest once again. Your hand reached to tug on his sleeve and he finally looked at you, like he forgot you were there in the first place.

He moved to hold your hand and lead you into his room, not before smiling softly at you. Instead of the usual feeling of butterflies in your stomach whenever he smiled at you, there was a sinking feeling. Because he smiled at Hyewon the same way. Your lips raised a small smile for him but it didn't reach your eyes. He doesn't seem to notice.

The door closed behind the two of you and you swung your arms before clasping your hands behind you. "So, what was Hyewon doing here?" You tried to ask naturally.

Heeseung wasn't looking at you when he replied, "She was here for a project," he hummed.

"What project?" You continued to ask more.

"For school," he simply replied, taking a seat on his bed.

You leaned against his desk while nodding your head. "Ah, so you're helping her?"

"Uh huh."

"Ah, didn't know you guys were this close…"

"Well, we are neighbours so it's just natural that we grew close, you know," he shrugged.

"Close enough to get on the Ferris Wheel with," you muttered under your breath. You thought Heeseung wasn't able to pick up what you said but his eyes snapped to look at you. You gulped, knowing you were caught.

"Love, I already said that we were there for the music video shooting," he told you with a tired sigh.

"I know, I know but I can't help feeling jealous, Hee," you explained yourself.

Your boyfriend sighed exasperatedly as he ran his fingers through his hair. "I already told you that we're just friends, there's nothing to be jealous of."

"Well, you would be jealous too if your boyfriend didn't mention that he was going to the amusement park with you and you found him hanging with another girl!" You scoffed sarcastically.

"I already told you it wasn't planned, Y/N. Why don't you trust me?" His voice was slightly raised when he spoke the last sentence, his expression was begging you to drop the topic.

But your stubborn self refused to let it go and stood up straighter. "Because you're making it really hard to trust you."

"What?" He looked at you in disbelief as he stood up as well. "How am I the one being hard right now? You're just being paranoid and you're letting your insecurities get the better of you!"

"Can you blame me?!" You raised your voice at him. Anger clouded your eyes as you begged him to understand your point of view. "We're so far apart and we rarely get to talk to each other and you're always brushing me off! It's almost like you're cheating on me with Hyewon!"

Heeseung groaned in frustration and dragged his fingers across his face. "How many times do I have to tell you that we're just friends, Y/N? Hyewon literally has nothing to do with this! I don't get why you hate her."

"Cause you talk to her while we're together," you knew that sounded childish and selfish but you were blurting whatever that came to mind.

"Oh, so now I'm not allowed to talk to other girls?" He curled an eyebrow at you while crossing his arms.

Your words were caught in your throat. "I didn't mean it like that-"

"Then what do you mean, Y/N? You never acted like this before," Heeseung rubbed his temples.

"Because!" You threw your hands out in frustration, trying to convey your words out, "I don't know what's happening in your life because we're not in the same school and I'm scared that you're cheating on me with Hyewon!"

Heeseung knitted his eyebrows at you, you don't know if it was from confusion or annoyance, maybe both. "Cheating? No, you just don't trust me! Never once did I doubt your relationship with Jeongin, so why are you doing this to me?"

"Don't bring Jeongin into this," you sneered at him, "you knew Jeongin since we were in high school. Hyewon is a completely different story. You…you look at her like…you're in love," your voice slowly died at the end, it was the final hit on the nail. You looked up at Heeseung, his eyes widened at your words.

They said the eyes are the window to your soul. Brown guilty eyes just stared at you, because you were right. Heeseung couldn't figure out his feelings and you just did it for him. Your boyfriend was falling out of love with you and he was falling for someone new. And you watched as he realised it right in front of you. You swore you heard your heart crack.

He held his head and took a step back from you, silence fell upon the both of you. "I-I think you should go," he managed to say.

"Yeah," you croaked out, your throat was swelling up. You walked past Heeseung in hurried steps and out the door to the stairs. You never saw how Heeseung dropped to his bed with his head in his head as guilty tears slowly rolled down his cheeks.

God, you wished he had thought this through before you went and fell in love with him.

You haven't talked to Heeseung since that day, you knew that your relationship was over but your heart refused to believe it until those words came from Heeseung himself. A dark cloud hung over you and your friends didn't dare to ask. You felt betrayed by him.

You loved him at his worst, but that didn't matter. He gave you his word, but that didn't matter too. You were bitter, angry, devastated, heartbroken. But you couldn't cry, your heart was full of tears yet nothing came out. A single piece of tape holding back your fragile heart. A small sign of hope that you were wrong and Heeseung still loved you.

In the middle of a cold winter day, you were nestled between your warm sheets. Chaeryeong and Ryujin had left for lunch, not before promising to get you something. In the midst of your dark covers, your phone screen lit up and caught your attention.

[2:23 pm ] hee <3: We need to talk, I'm outside your door right now.

What? Your head snapped up to look at your front door. There's no way he was standing outside right now. Gulping, you pushed yourself up and walked to the door. Your hand hesitated, hovering right in front of the silver door knob. You already knew what was coming. Taking a deep breath, you opened the door.

The same brown guilty eyes looked at you, and the little white lies from before all came crashing down at once. You stepped to the side to let him in and closed the door. Your back was facing him, you refused to look at him. Your hope was wavering, you don't know if you accepted it or not.

"I'm sorry," he was the first to break the silence. you still refused to turn around. "I didn't mean to hurt you."

Lies, lies, lies. You shut your eyes closed, your hand was still on the door knob, holding it tightly.

He inhaled a deep breath before saying his next words, "This is the end."

The words pierced your heart and it started to fall apart. This doesn't feel like a break up, it was the end of your story. It was him telling you that he was removing himself from your life. Falling out of love hurts, but losing a friend is the worst.

"Do you still love me?"

"What?"

"Do you still love me?" You finally turned around, your glossy eyes looking right at him.

Without a heartbeat, he said, "No."

And when you were alone again in your room, your heart finally shattered and the tears poured out like a waterfall. You fell to your knees with your hands clutching your heart, ugly sobs escaped from your lips. You were crying out the pain as big fat tears dropped onto the wooden floor,

Chaeryeong and Ryujin nearly dropped the food when they found you broken on the tear stained floor.

Two weeks later (after being forced to get out of bed by Ryujin), you found your friends huddled at the same place of the cafeteria like when the music video was released. They were surrounding Daehwii with their heads ducked, whispering to each other.

"What are you guys doing?" Ryujin's voice caught their attention and their heads lifted to see the both of you, eyes widening at the sight of you.

Everyone exchanged nervous glances whereas you and Ryujin were left confused. You tilted your head to the sign to show that you were confused while Ryujin raised an eyebrow as if  demanding an explanation. Chaeryeong shoved Daehwii's shoulder and gave him a look, silently telling him to break the news.

Daehwii nervously looked between you and his phone before sighing, his shoulders dropping. Instead of saying anything, he showed you his phone. Ryujin reached over to take the device from him before you could see anything and squinted her eyes. The short haired girl inhaled a sharp breath and looked at your friends, finally understanding what was happening. She then looked at you, deciding whether she should tell you or not.

"What?" You asked her, your eyebrows furrowed as your patience was running thin. What were they not telling you?

But instead of telling you, she showed you. The phone screen displayed an Instagram post with a person holding hands with someone else. The caption was a simple "with him". At first you were confused on what it had to do with you, then Ryujin tapped on the post to show you the person tagged in the post. Heeseung's username appeared, your eyes travelled up to the owner of the post and it read Hyewon's name.

"Oh," was all you could say.

Your gaze averted down and you don't see how your friends exchange worried glances. "Y/N..." Chaeryeong softly called out to you while she walked towards you. She angled her head to look at your face with her arms around you.

Your mind was a mess, it took him two weeks to find someone new. No, not someone new. It took him two weeks to go off and date her. He talked to her when you were together. And you knew if he truly loved you, there was no damn way he could fall in love with somebody that quickly. Ryujin and Chaeryeong embraced you but you felt numb. He betrayed you. And you knew that he'll never feel sorry for the way you hurt.

"He cheated on you," you heard Jeongin say, but you shook your head as you tried to rub the tears away.

"Guess he didn't cheat but he's still a traitor," Jeongin rephrased.

The girls hugged you tighter when you let out a choked sob. Jeongin was right, he didn't cheat but he was a traitor. You played dumb but you always knew that he'd talk to her, maybe did even worse but you kept quiet so you could keep him.

God you wished that he had thought it through, before you went and fell in love with him.

© chaeryybomb 2021

a/n: this took so long to write and i wrote more than i expected. thank you for waiting and reading this, see y'all in "drivers license"!

[dadsbongos]

trashy dad

Movie/Game/Show: My Hero Academia Dynamic: Shota Aizawa/Reader (Platonic) Warnings: references (2) to un*s ann*s, one (1) use of (y/n), fem pronouns Summary: Shota trying to support his YouTuber daughter :) cuz social media aus own me Word Count: 2.1K ~~~

"Hey, gamers," you grin at the camera before tossing an arm over your father's shoulders, "My dad's in town and as you can see," you hesitated slightly before turning to face your father, "Dad's not super into taking care of himself. So, I figured what's better than doing a Q&A together while I do his makeup?"

"Hitoshi just did a 'what I eat in a day', didn't he?" Shota quirked a brow, already reaching back to tie up his messy, tangled hair.

"Spoilers!" you quietly whine as you open your phone, "He still has to edit it, silly man. We're gonna have to brush out your hair later, by the way."

Shota's eyes widened, "We? I thought this was your idea and video, (Y/n)."

"No," you huff, scrolling through a few of the questions from fans, "I mean it was but your hair is so… Okay, first question is from - oh my God the names - shrekslongtoe, what was my first word?"

"Are you gonna start putting makeup on me or just sit there?" Shota scratched at his nose before snickering, "That wasn't your first word. Your first word was 'Dada' and it drove Hizashi insane."

"Hizashi is my other dad, by the way," you lean over to grab your makeup bag, "'Toshi and I call him papa. Oooh, oh no," you looked up to Shota, "I don't have your shade, you're gonna look weird."

"I don't really care," the man shrugged, watching as you took out a pink beauty blender, "That looks like a buttplug."

"Don't say that!" your eyes were wide at his words while you got out your foundation, "Youtube doesn't like that."

"Whoops," he deadpanned, "Next question."

"Shit, right."

"Language."

"Japanese," you murmur, going to the next reply, "yoonbumskneecap asks, 'Did you believe in me-’ they said my name but you know, ‘and Hitoshi when they decided to become Youtubers?' And 'in 'Toshi's case - drop out of college to become a professional clout man.'"

"To be honest," Shota closed his eyes, only in slight fear, as you began pressing the foundation into his skin, "I was really worried about Hitoshi, I didn't know if he'd stay as big as he was because he's a lot like me, in the sense that people tend to not like us for our bluntness. So I was worried he'd be a meme for like a month and then people would drop him, but thankfully I was proved wrong," he opened his eyes when he felt you pull away and begin rooting through your bag once again, "With you, I was less worried because you're more like 'Zashi, i.e extremely likable, and you were kind of getting a boost from appearances on Hitoshi's channel. I still worry because the internet is a fickle mistress but I'm not staying up at night about it."

Pulling out a dark eyebrow pencil, you grin at your father, "Aww, that was kinda sweet. Not really but kind of."

"What I'm here for," Shota's eyes followed your hand as you uncapped the pencil and reached up, beginning to mark at his eyebrows, "I'm gonna read the next question while you kill my eyebrows."

"I'm not killing them!" you giggled, "But unlike Papa, you already have pretty thick, full eyebrows so I won't be here long."

"Good," he muttered before furrowing his brows in confusion, ignoring your frustrated groan, "who is daddysero and why is he asking if you pissed today?"

"What?!" you pull your dad's hand back to see what he was looking at, instantly calming down when you saw he was still on Twitter, "Oh, that's just Sero, he asks me that every time I tweet. I thought you went to my Instagram DMs," at Shota's questioning stare you grinned, "Mama's got simps in her DMs."

"Don't ever call yourself 'Mama' in my presence ever again," Shota shook his head, once again ignoring your annoyance, "papichulo46290 wants to know my favorite memory of you."

"If you mix me up with 'Toshi, I'll be so pissed," you return the eyebrow pencil to your bag as Shota speaks.

"I won't... probably," he shrugs while you root through your bag, "So, Hizashi had taken Hitoshi out for ice cream because of - has he mentioned his middle school trauma?" at your nod, he continues, "Hitoshi was having a bad day from middle school, shocking, so you and I were left home alone together. You were probably seven and you really wanted to paint my nails and I let you. You..." he shook his head, snickering, "you fucked them up. So bad. But you were so happy to just be spending time with me- "

"Keep talking, but I'm gonna do your eyeshadow," you lean back in, swishing your brush over a navy blue, almost black shade, "Just so you guys know, Dad wanted to look like shit, don't unsubscribe cuz this is gonna come out bad."

"It won't be too bad, you're talented," Shota did his best to remain still, "But overall, you were just so adorable and it didn't even matter that the smudged nails got me teased in the teacher's lounge the next day. It all came off after like a week because it was shitty polish but you get the idea."

"Aww, I didn't know you kept it on, that's so sweet," you fall back briefly to inspect your work, "It's not awful but I'm only posting this because you're my dad."

"Of course, I did," Shota continued scrolling through the questions, "A lot of people are asking if you mean Dad or Daddy, and a lot more people are asking for pictures of your feet, you should block them all."

"Yeah, I got sickos in my replies too, just gotta scroll past em'."

"Disgusting..." Shota grumbled as you moved to his other eye, "Is 'electrodick' Kaminari, perchance?"

"Unfortunately."

"Gross, he asks if you had an 'I'm not like other girls' phase," Shota hummed quietly in thought, "Maybe when you were eight for like a month, but that's probably because except for Nemuri you didn't have any women in your life. Thankfully you moved on from that pretty quickly."

"Oh yeah, that was a gross, weird time. You and Papa also weren’t shitty people so I didn’t have a lot of misogynist influence."

"I like to think we did a good job," Shota sighed, finally moving back into his slouching position when you pulled away completely, "Is 'explosionmurder' Bakugou?"

"You know it."

"Okay well, he's asking if you plan on fucking up your bronzing again?" he thinks for a moment, “Was that from when you looked kinda copper-ish in a video?

"Oh my God, that was one time, Bakugou!" you shout and shake your brush at the camera, "One time!"

"I don't even know what blending is so you're doing better than I am."

"God, how are we related?"

Without hesitation, Shota replied, "Surrogate. Which answers summerlongsock's question."

"Nice," you chuckle, setting the brush back in your bag, "You probably won't need too much bronze or countour since you're going for bad," you immediately turn to the camera, "And Bakugou isn't gonna say a fucking word about it!"

"Is eyeliner next? And if so, I would enjoy a nice wing," Shota muttered, looking through the remaining questions, "Hitoshi asks why I haven't done a video with him yet."

You nod along while uncapping the liner, "I'm curious about that too. I thought my first video with a parent would be with Papa. I was gonna say family but..." you shrug, "Hitoshi was my first video and then Eri came on."

"He never asked," Shota closed both of his eyes, allowing you to move his head around as you pleased, "You just texted me the video idea and we set it up while I was in town. If Hitoshi wants a video so bad he should come up with an idea."

"Jeez, don't bully the poor boy," you laughed quietly, carefully applying more eyeliner to your father's left lid, "We should all do a video together. I think it'd be fun."

"Come up with an idea," he replied flatly before opening his eyes, "davinky wants to know when you got into makeup. Probably after thirteen, sometime."

"Yeah, I got my first real eyeshadow at like fourteen and then you guys just enabled my love of makeup after that."

"Well, the thing with that was, Hizashi and I didn't want you growing up thinking you had to wear makeup for any reason," Shota opened his eyes once he felt you back away, blinking a few times, "So we waited till you were more mature because giving makeup to a six-year-old is weird."

Capping your eyeliner, you traded it out for mascara, "Yeah, even little play kits are a bit ehhh. Don't close your eyes, but look down."

Following instruction, Shota took the opportunity to read off another question, "I can't see the name but someone's asking what we did together for fun. While you were a kid."

Humming quietly in thought, you move from one eye to the other, "We used to go to diners a lot. Those late-night diner trips, remember?"

"Oh yeah, you were such a little demon about bedtime. I had to take you to this little place for scrambled eggs or some shit and you'd fall asleep on the way back home."

Putting away your mascara, you reach out for your hairbrush before beginning to pull out the hair tie in Shota's hair, "Mina wanted me to ask what videos you show people when they ask what your kids do for a living."

"For Hitoshi, the one where he and Kaminari made Bakugou breakfast with sex toys. For you, the one where you turn yourself into Mina's little character - with the pink skin," Shota winced slightly at the tug of your hairbrush, "And Eri's a teacher so that information comes first since it's the least strange."

As you fussed with his tangled nest of hair, you read another question over Shota's shoulder, "When did you know you loved me? Like after adopting me."

"Not too long after the adoption was finalized actually," Shota grumbled as the brush made its final courses through his hair, "You've always been a really great kid. I don't know when I 'realized' but it was definitely around the time you were born, maybe like the day after."

"That's pretty good considering I was a stranger," you giggled, brushing out the final knots in his dark hair, "A baby stranger."

"Hmm," Shota hummed in response, "You almost done?"

Refraining from rolling your eyes, you fluffed Shota's now smooth and detangled hair around his shoulders with a small smile, "I'm done. Your hair is so pretty when it's brushed out."

"I know," the man muttered, handing your phone back, "Wanna do one more question and then sign off?"

"Yeah," you scroll through some of the questions, "I want it to be the best question that's ever been asked."

"Ask your own, you're great at that."

You shook your head with furrowed brows at his comment, "Is that a compliment?"

"It was meant to be."

"Thanks, but no need, I've found one. Midoriya wants to know if raising two attention whores was hard. He didn't say ‘attention whores’ because he doesn't swear but that's the vibe."

"What's Midoriya's at?" Shota asked.

"SmallMight."

"Of course," the man grumbled, closing his eyes to think, "You two were honestly pretty easy to raise. Not a whole lot of fits compared to what I've heard other parents talk about. You both liked to talk a lot to each other, and, of course, to Hizashi and me. Not terribly difficult at all."

"Aww, I'm glad we didn't make you pull your hair out," you grin.

"Oh, you still did. Absolutely."

"Nice," you giggle before turning off your phone and facing the camera, "Okay guys, well, I hope you don't clown on me as much as usual because if you do, my dad will... I don't know… kick your ass."

"Exactly," Shota nodded, a horrific smile on his face, "I'll beam right into your living room."

"Hopefully you guys come back next week where I'll..." floundering for an answer, you turn to your dad as if he’d give you ideas, "Create wings to do it better than Icarus ever could."

Giving a singular stiff nod, Shota looked dead at the camera, "I'd watch it."

"You heard it from the main man himself, peeps," you waved to the camera, Shota copying the motion, “Bye!”

"If there's one comment about my eyebags, I'm never coming on your channel again," Shota lied as you leaned over to stop recording.

"They're gonna love you, I'm sure," you assure your father, "Wanna see how I edit?"

"God no, Hitoshi showed me how long it takes to edit his videos, it looks like hell."

[miekasa]

more boyfriend headcanons: love languages

↯ pairing: eren jaeger x (fem) reader

↯ genres and warnings: modern au, college au to some extent, fluff

↯ notes: i cannot stop thinking about him, so have 50 more head canons about this absolute menace. despite the title, he can and will turn anything into a love language, so beware.

annoying the hell out of you (quality time)

You’ve heard of girls sitting on their boyfriend’s laps and hugging them/falling asleep while they play games, now get ready for: boyfriends hugging you from the back while you attempt to do any mundane activity bc they miss you.

Because that’s Eren. About almost anything, because his physical affection, when not in the presence of other people, is absolutely on ten thousand and one.

The only public place he doesn’t mind cuddling up to you is the library. He doesn’t mind putting his arm around you or leaning his head on your shoulder, or even doing the sitting hugging thing in the library. Mostly because few people are there anyway.

Mind you, you’re the one who even showed him where the library was, and now he doesn’t know how to act. “Eren it’s not a ‘cuddling spot.’ It’s the library where I—and lots of other people, including yourself—go to do homework.” “If not cuddling spot, then why library chairs and study rooms cuddly?”

Particularly when it’s getting late and you’ve been crammed in the library for hours, and Eren just wants you to pack it up so he can drive you home. He’ll squeeze himself between your body and the back of your chair, wrap his arms around your stomach, and lay his cheek on your back.

Most times he falls asleep waiting for you to be finished. Sometimes he gets impatient and tickles you until you agree to leave. Either works for him.

He doesn’t not like holding hands in public, but it’s not his go to either. If you’re walking together, sometimes he’ll wrap his arm around your shoulder—usually after some cocky comment—or even walk behind you with his hands on your shoulders like it’s a two person conga line.

He doesn’t kiss you in public a lot, and never around his friends. They can see the literal hearts in his eyes when he’s around you though, so it’s not like he has to. On occasion, he will kiss your cheek. It’s kind of random, but you don’t question it.

In all honestly, whenever he gets affectionate or cuddly in public is all pretty random, even to him. Sometimes he’ll just be standing around you and he’s hit with the urge to engulf you in a hug and kiss your cheeks and he has to stop himself like, “....Why did I just think about doing that?”

Partially because he wasn’t outwardly hugged or shown affection a lot as a child, so sometimes he gets to urges children do to just want a hug. But he’s also pretty bad and/or new at processing his emotions like that so he mostly stands there like 🧍 looking at you with lovey dovey eyes instead.

Touchy when he’s drunk. But that’s not exclusive to you; anyone in a five foot radius of him will be subject to his arm slung around their shoulders, or him being slumped over their back, or random head ruffles.

Most commonly Armin, but I think we all knew that. Sometimes it’s Jean, and Jean is an even messier drunk, which results in the both of them actually being overly affectionate with each other in a strange, but endearing way. They both deny it to their graves when they’re sober, though.

Hovers around you. Constantly. Like a shadow. 

Does not leave you the hell alone when you’re in the kitchen. Will make it 100x more difficult for you to cook or just maneuver, which is ironic seeing as the most gourmet thing he can cook up is bagel with cream cheese. 

Sometimes Eren seems unaware of his size in comparison to you and your friends. It’s very sweet that he laughs with his whole body, but he’s got to realize that if bumps into you because of his sporadic laughter, that he might accidentally knock you into next Tuesday.

Likes when you touch his hair, doesn’t matter where or when, or who’s around. He loves it, all of it.

Will press his face against yours if he has stubble, just to be annoying. Like always.

If you hadn’t gotten it from everything else, he just likes to annoy you in general. But, like, affectionately. I keep saying it’s his love language and I mean it. Really—what it is is that he likes spending time with you, but he also likes annoying the hell out of you, too.

Bites. Not in a sexy way—well, unless you want him too—but, just because. Bites your shoulder when you’re not expecting it, bites your cheek while you’re in the middle of watching a show. Sometimes he takes your hand in his and your think it’s going to be sweet and he’s going to kiss it, but really he just brings it to his mouth to bite it.

Bites your ass, too. Again, just for fun. Because he thinks he can get away with it. Biting is a love language I’m telling y’all.

Likes to give you piggy back rides, even if you don’t ask for them or need one. You could be going from your room to the living room and Eren insists on carrying you there. 

And for some reason, he thinks that because he likes to hold/lift you, that that should apply to you as well?? Like he’s not 6′1 and big bodied, hello?? Eren you cannot just jump on top of people, you’re grown. 

He lets you dress him a lot. His fashion sense isn’t bad, and to be honest with you, I think he’d be a little bit of a hypebeast LOL. I don’t mean decked out head to toe in Supreme (god forbid...) but definitely has a bit of a sneaker obsession.

Not that he keeps them clean or is obsessive about creasing them he couldn’t care less. He just thinks they’re cool. Maybe even some accessories too, like those KAWS toys. Not a lot because they’re hard to get, but is really proud of his little growing collection.

But if you want to dress him up, he’s down for it. Would even let you buy him a pea coat so he can pretend to be a scholar. (He’s not BYE). He’ll tell you if something really isn’t his style, but he’ll wear it if you tell him he looks hot 🙄

Kinda forces his way into your life in little ways. Like, he’ll start adding his favorite snacks to your grocery lists. Moves a pair of your shoes from the door to make room for his own when he’s over. Basically claims two drawers for himself in your dresser. Annoying. Endearing.

Lowkey has his own intricate skincare routine, but he likes doing it with you more. He’ll make it a whole thing, and buy wine, and stupid drinking card games, and sit with you on your bed for 2 hours playing while your face masks dry. 

Texts you if you’re in the same room as him, but not paying attention to him. Especially if you’re doing schoolwork.

Throws pillows at you while you’re sitting at your desk to get your attention. He could just say your name, but it’s so much more fun this way (according to him anyway). It’s all fun and games until you smother him with one. 

Thinks arguing with you is cute, and sometimes says or does—or doesn’t do, for that matter—things just to incite an argument. Not a big one, or something serious, just petty things to rile you up so he can kiss and make up for it. For example, he’ll purposely putting the dishes in the wrong place, or hiding the remote from you, or putting his clothes in the wrong hamper.

“Eren, I swear to god, if you don’t stop putting the water bottles on the top shelf—” “What are you gonna do it about, pretty girl? Hit me with it? You can’t even reach���ow!”

being your loudest hype man (words of affirmation) 

The amount of pictures he has of you... criminal. From off-guards, to posed photos, to selfies, to screenshots, he has them all tucked away in a little folder with your name and a string of very inappropriate emojis after it.

Screenshots 90% of your snaps to him, even if his just of your eyebrows up. Sometimes because he thinks it’s funny, sometimes to save the picture because he likes it, but mostly because he knows you don’t understand WHY and that’s gives him the most satisfaction 😌

Loud and annoying in your comments on social media too. Hype man almost to a cringe fail level. He doesn’t care though, he has to let it be known. 

You could post a simple picture of you and Mikasa at lunch and Eren is in the comments screaming as per usual. @jaegerbomb: do i see TWO pretty best friends??? fuck it up besties 😫🥵🥵😜

GOD. HE WOULD RESPOND WITH “SO TRUE, BESTIE” TO ANYTHING ONCE HE LEARNS WHAT IT MEANS.

Oh, but he doesn’t take to it lightly when you call him bestie, or refer to him as your friend in any capacity. He’s your boyfriend, and would like to be labeled as such.

If you did that prank where you pick up the phone while you’re around him and say “Oh, I’m not too busy, I’m hanging with a friend right now,” he would pout about it for days. Days. Doesn’t get over it, and reminds you of your transgressions every two to three business weeks.

Tells you you look hot all the time, regardless of what you’re doing or wearing. He means it, too, genuinely, he thinks you’re hot. But he does get a kick out of how potentially embarrassed it makes you.

Tells you you’re smart and beautiful and his favorite person on the planet. He means it, always, even if the delivery isn’t romantic. Although, he would argue that telling you he would “tap that” is very romantic. 

for him: receiving gifts & words of affirmation

Eren would be really humbled and honored to receive a gift from you. He needs to receive physical affection, too—but something about you thinking about him enough to buy or make him a gift that he’ll love and cherish really hits home for him. He doesn’t have many people who would do that for him.

If you buy him anything, he’s using it the second it’s out of the wrapping paper. You buy him shoes? He’s wearing them the next day. A new case for his phone? Rips the old one off in an instant. A little trinket for his keychain? He can barely remember to carry his keys in the first place, but suddenly he can’t ever forget them now.

He just can’t get over the fact that you think about him and know him well enough to tailor your purchases to his liking. It’s almost an impossible concept to him, and really reassuring that you love him as much as he loves you.

On a similar note, he actually doesn’t mind couple items, as long as they’re not obvious and/or corny. Down to have a pair of matching hats or phone cases or even sneakers. You don’t even have to always/only wear them at the same time, just knowing you have the same thing at home kinda makes him feel fuzzy inside.

He also thinks it’s hot. He can’t explain why knowing his girl has the same kicks at him is hot, he just knows it is.

As much as he likes telling you how hot you are, Eren also likes to hear that you find him attractive—and that you like him, in general. For the most part, he gets that from your physical reciprocity and quite literally letting him hover around you like a fly, but it’s nice to be told with words every once in a while.

For as much as he knows it, he gets a little caught of guard whenever you tell him you love him. He knows you love him, but hearing it sometimes is a little surreal to him. Very reassuring, too, and everyone needs a little reassurance from time to time.

[bittermuire]

a nightlight and a bottle of wine

recently I’ve really loved nezriel and wanted to write a lil thing for them. this will be two parts, this is the first. modern au

---

It’s not like Nesta really knew what she was doing when she moved out. All she knows is that there is a rift between her and Feyre; a scar splitting their shared skin, a wound opening and reopening, never to heal.

And so she’s away. They’ve made their mistakes and let them be. They’ve hurt each other and even tried to love, but sisters love each other too much for love—and so she’s away. The guilt is still there, but farther from her, now. Nesta stirs it into her morning coffee and drinks the sleep, wiping it from beneath her eyes and the lines around her mouth.

Every so often Cassian will text her, inviting her out to dinner or to a work party, and Nesta resists the urge to throttle him. He’s a very smart, thirty-five year old man. He should know what cutting off someone means.

(He knows, of course he knows. She guesses he just thinks it doesn’t apply to him.)

His roguish charm, his smirk, his low voice, all inviting her to one thing—sex—was beginning to exhaust her. It’s a surprising relief to be away from him. She feels like she can wear tank tops and let her hair down and go out without a bra, relieved he won’t be there to stare.

(Was she really so afraid of him?)

So Nesta lives her life and drinks her coffee, wears her tank tops and sleeps in her underwear, finally a woman in the way she’s always wanted to be; she feels discrete from the rest of the world but in a near comforting way. She has no one to disappoint, no one to miss. Her world is confined to very few people and her mind allows for one.

•

But there are things that trip her up. Remaining ties.

One such: the nightlight clipped to her bed. It’s cheap, a gaudy silver. She’s sure Azriel bought it for no more than two dollars.

But she uses it every night.

(This trips her up.)

It’s a routine she’s given to herself, written into the margins of her life; she climbs into bed, smooths the blankets over her legs, grabs her book, opens it on her lap, then twists and switches on the light. It illuminates the page with a pretty, golden sun. She uses it religiously. She thinks that if she lost it, some intrinsic part of her might be lost as well, and this frightens her.

Remaining ties should be snipped. These last threads should be spooled up, put away, hidden in the bottom drawer.

She switches it on anyway, watches the light trace the letters.

(Sometimes she thinks she is the black stamp of letters. The utter bleakness of them on the smooth page. Sometimes she thinks she is what ruins the paper. She is what ruined the paper. There’s a reason she is here and they are there.)

•

November 19th.

Happy birthday to me.

She buys a cake from the supermarket and blows out the candle.

There’s a knock at the door, late at night. Not thinking to check, she goes to open it, and there stands Azriel, still in the doorway, bottle of wine in hand.

“Happy birthday,” he says bluntly.

She lets him in for some reason she still doesn’t understand, and they end up drinking a glass together. It’s from Cassian, the wine—his favorite. Azriel tells her that Cassian didn’t think she’d take it from him.

“So he asked you,” she says.

He smiles. “Because you like me.”

1:00 AM, and they’re still drinking. They barely talk. They just sit; they sit on the kitchen stools, then the rickety chairs, then the floor, then the couch, then back to the floor. His cheeks are pink, his words slurred.

“Why’d you come?” she asks, peering down at where he lays, splayed out, on the carpet.

(He’s not the kind for favors, she knows that.)

Opening his eyes, he fixes his gaze on her. He smiles sleepily.

“Happy birthday, Nesta.”

•

She doesn’t really celebrate for the holidays. Her apartment is bare, save a pair of twinkling bells on the kitchen counter, tied with a red ribbon. Sometimes when she’s cooking she’ll give them a little ring.

The letter comes in the mail—from Feyre, clearly put there by her own hand. It’s an invitation to dinner, for the winter solstice. They’re celebrating early this year because they’re going out of town for a few weeks.

(Please don’t feel pressured to come. We were going to leave you be but Az, since he’s so considerate, thought you might appreciate an invite.)

Nesta picks up her phone and texts Feyre a simple no thanks.

•

The next morning, she opens her door to a bottle of wine. Its neck is tied with a cherry red ribbon, and there’s a note—“If you’re ever lonely, give me a call. It’s my favorite.”

She doesn’t need to see who it’s from to know.

She smiles and picks it up, taking it inside.

•

It bites, the loneliness.

She wasn’t prepared for the quiet.

She traded in insults and jabs and sweaty hands at dinner tables for nothing, nothing, nothing. Silence in the shower, silence over breakfast. Over time, it’s begun to grate on her skin, sift between the strands of her hair, and she feels like she’s swimming a meter below the surface, ears clogged, vision blurred.

And slowly, she’s started to cry; she cries when the silence is too loud, when her aloneness is real, when she realizes the ugly truth of it all. She’s alone, she has nobody, she’s alone.

She picks up her phone and dials his number. “Let’s drink your wine.”

A small quiet. “I thought you’d never ask.”

“That wasn’t a question.”

“I know, Nesta,” he laughs. “I’ll be there.”

•

They don’t drink at all, actually. She starts crying again the minute she sees his face.

“Nesta?”

•

“I’m fine, really.”

They’re walking down the aisle of the grocery store, weeks later.

“I don’t believe you.”

“I’m doing better, I am.”

He shrugs. “I don’t care. Pick a flavor. We’ll eat it, we’ll watch a movie.” He looks her up and down, brow creased. “You need two things—no, make that three things.”

She huffs a laugh, sticking her hand into the freezer and pulling out a carton. “What?”

“Sleep, ice cream, and company.” He grins. “And now you’ve got me.”

“Lucky me.”

“Lucky you.”

•

He’s seen her beautiful; he’s seen her ugly. He’s seen her in her rattiest apron with flour crusted into her fingernails. He’s seen her laugh so hard she cries, watched her slam her head into an open cupboard door, driven her to the hospital when she sliced her hand open with a knife. They’re together a lot, she realizes. They’re not halves; they’re one and one, and one and one make two, and they stand as two together on sidewalks, squinting at menus in the windows of restaurants, and they pet dogs in the park (Nesta always asks, because Az gets shy), and they take walks at midnight, and they live their lives contentedly next to each other’s. She starts to wonder if he splits his life into two—into Cassian and Rhys and Mor and Feyre, and into her, the girl who walked away. She’d like to know why he followed her.

Sometimes she’ll catch herself staring. Even before Cassian, she’d thought Azriel was the most beautiful of the three; all graceful, sloping shadows, soft and deep eyes, curling black hair. Her heart doesn’t know what to do anymore. It skips a beat when she sees him, but calms when she’s near him. It races when he leans close, falls to steadiness when he slings his arm over her shoulders. She can’t decide if she loves him like this or loves him like that. He means so much to her, means so many different things, that to give him a singular word wouldn’t fit.

She calls him Azriel, Az, Steve, Steven Shadow, Mr. Shadow, Ralph, Ron, He of the Candied Pecans, You. He responds to all of it. Recently he told her that it wasn’t because of the name, but because of the voice—(of course I don’t know who Ralph is, Nesta, but your voice, it’s your voice you use for me)—and she felt warm for reasons she couldn’t understand.

She shows up unannounced at his apartment when it’s a bad night. He does the same.

•

“Tell me the truth,” she begins, tipsy. “Did you like me before?”

“What?”

“Did you like me before?”

He frowns. “Elaborate.”

“Before you learned I’m a nice person. Back at the townhouse. When I hated everyone and was rude to you.”

“Oh.” He laughs a little. “I always liked you,” he says, and then his face settles into something like sadness. Nesta watches him closely. “I didn’t like… the way you made me feel, though. I’d see you down the hall, tired and everything, a stick of a person, and Rhys would make some joke, and I’d hate him.”

She blinks.

He looks down. “I’d never hated him before.”

There’s a tension between them. It’s common enough to be recognizable, but not enough to be familiar. She’s on edge, unsure.

The silence seeps in.

“And I hated myself, too,” he says. His eyes flick back up to hers.

Her breath catches in her chest. “I hated myself because I didn’t do anything. So I stayed away.”

“I’m sorry,” she whispers, overwhelmed. Everything is building; everything is quiet. His eyes are deep and dark and swirling. He shakes his head slightly, leaning closer, slowly, slowly, and she sees it all happen—he takes her face in his hands. She can see the stray strand of hair on his forehead, the one eyelash resting by his nose, the mole right above his mouth.

“I watched you fade,” he breathes. “I watched them pull you around.”

She twines one finger into his hair, trying to bring him closer, trying to have him closer. Come here, Azriel. Come with me. Be with me, love me, because I love you.

“I’m sorry,” she says again, because it’s all she can say.

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” he murmurs, and kisses her.

•

“Wait,” he says, reaching up.

“What?”

He touches the nightlight. “You kept this?”

She laughs, curled into his side, and says, “Of course I did.” He drops a kiss to her hair. “They all bought me books. You made it easy to read them.”

—-

@acosfisfeysandpropaganda I finally wrote it!!