#the last time i’ve seen the lobby as busy as it was thursday night was during fuckin endgame

[bisamwilson]

MOVIES ARE BACK BABEY

[agentplutonium]

Rest Well, Sweetheart [Milo/Sweetheart]

[General Notes: trans!Sweetheart with brief mentions of the effects of their dysphoria, Depiction of a panic attack (not detailed), 'Sneaks' is Sweetheart (I take to calling them that when it's not a Milo POV thing), can also be read on AO3 Here! Fic starts under the cut <3]

Sneaks was loud to survive. They had to make themself heard. If they didn’t, they’d be stuck in their parents’ business, miserable, and horribly closeted. If they didn’t, they wouldn’t be Head Investigator now. They learned to yell when others expected quiet, and even still they were mistaken for a push-over. They weren’t sure how, they guess it was just the demeanour that people got when first meeting them, but they loved proving them wrong. 

Several times they had to shut down misogynistic, racist, homo/transphobic comments not only from their superiors but from those who work for them. The story is always the same, too. The perp would feel too comfortable around Sneaks, thinking that since they were Head Investigator they had the same thought processes and morals as them, and said some outlandish shit. God, Sneaks damn near revelled in the fear they put in them. And they’d do it again.

So, yeah, Sneaks was loud, and forcefully put themselves into conversations and the limelight. They had to if they wanted to keep the life they created for themselves.

But sometimes they get so tired of fighting so hard day in and day out. Usually, they could handle it, but some days it was… soul crushing.

Today, for example. It has been a horrible week for them. Their anxiety was acting up, giving them nightmares and affecting how they went about their job, and their dysphoria was so bad they could barely look at themselves. It was Thursday and they could barely hold themself together.

It all crested that Thursday morning. They’d been up all night because of the nightmares, they were sore, and it got to the point where they had a full attack right there in their office. They couldn’t keep their powers under control and unconsciously cloaked as it started. Ten minutes went by, thirty, forty-five. There seemed to be no end to it. People came and went, but they weren’t seen or heard, and people assumed they were just somewhere else. They heard their computer dinging, messages and emails coming in, but it sounded so far away. They couldn’t bring themself to focus on anything other than the swirling dread in their chest, suffocating them. 

It was an hour and a half later when they felt the waves start to subside. The second they could uncloak and start moving again, they were packing up as fast as they could manage. There was only one thing on their mind.

Go home. Go home to Milo.

They couldn’t stay here, at the very least. With everything away, they locked up their office and started to head out. They’ve been here long enough to know the least travelled routes, which would mean less of a chance of being seen even if it did mean a few extra minutes on their escape plan. They were lucky enough that most of their colleagues were starting to file out for lunch.

When they got to the front lobby, they knocked on the top of the counter separating the secretary and the lobby. This got their attention quickly and they smiled when they saw Sneaks.

“Headed out for lunch?”

“Ah, no. I’m going home for the day,” Sneaks said sheepishly. The words caused a concerned frown to etch its way onto the Secretary’s face.

“Everything alright? I’ve heard you haven’t been seen all morning, and now you’re leaving.”

“I should be fine, I just…” Sneaks trailed off, not sure how to explain. They opted to leave it for the time being. “I’ll be fine. Any calls that come through, take a message and I’ll get back to it when I'm next in, cool?”

“Yeah, of course,” the secretary said. “Hopefully everything’s alright. Will I see you tomorrow?”

Fuck, tomorrow was a work day too. Just the thought made Sneaks’ stomach tighten again, the last dregs of their attack making themselves painfully known. “I’m not sure,” Sneaks said honestly after a beat. “Don’t bet on it.”

That seemed to only deepen the Secretary’s concern. “Well, alright. Try and rest, Sneaks, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

They left without another word, having already spent too long with the kind air elemental. They didn’t mean any harm, Sneaks knew that, but the longer they stayed the worse it would get.

Sneaks could only imagine what this would make people say about them, but they decided that was not important. They didn’t need to worry about it right now.

Once they were finally in their car, they took a deep breath and just… took a moment, there in the silence. Their heart was pounding—whether from the attack or their quick escape, they weren’t sure—and their chest still aches. They pulled out their phone, pulling up Milo’s contact without even thinking.

Lover Boy ❤️

omw home

i’ll be driving, so don’t expect an answer

Before they could even start the car Milo had responded. 

I’ll be waiting

They couldn’t help the smile that graced their lips. He was just so… they couldn’t even put it into words. Especially not right now.

Sneaks wouldn’t say they’re a reckless driver, by any means, but their habits usually make at least a few people uncomfortable. It was even worse now that they were on autopilot. It seemed like seconds before they were opening their front door.

Aggro was under their feet in a second, meowing nonstop. The commotion is what alerted Milo to their presence and he showed up a few moments later, smiling at them even if there was worry swimming behind those eyes of his.

“Hey, Sweetheart, what made you- oh, okay.”

Sneaks had dropped their bag to the floor unceremoniously, nearly tripping over themself to wrap their arms around his waist. They buried their face in his neck and sighed as they fully started registering that he was right there, and his aura was surrounding them. 

It only took a moment for Milo to return the hug, warm arms holding them close. They felt safe here. Relaxed. They felt like no matter what happened now, they’ll be okay. 

They could breathe again, for the most part.

Milo didn’t say a word for a few minutes, just holding them there. When he did speak it was quiet and gentle, not trying to pry. He asked, “Do you want to tell me what’s wrong?”

The rest of the statement Sneaks could fill in themselves. I’m here, no matter what you need me for. 

At the reminder, Sneaks felt their heart skip a beat. God, they love him so fucking much.

“I’ve been having a horrible week,” Sneaks whispered into Milo’s collarbone, their eyes starting to water now that they’re admitting it.

“I thought something was up,” Milo said, leaning down to kiss the top of their head. “It started Sunday night, didn’t it?”

Sneaks nodded, sniffing quietly.

“Did something happen at work today?” Milo pressed, still in that quiet tone. He wouldn’t force them to say anything they weren’t ready to and they knew and appreciated that, but the question made their throat close up. They wanted to tell him, though. They wanted to tell him everything.

“Anxiety attack,” Sneaks breathed, fighting through the lump in their throat. “Not really caused by anything happening at the time, just an overload of emotion.”

“Has it gotten any better?” Milo asked, this time the concern was evident in his voice.

“Yeah, compared to how I was feeling earlier.”

Milo finally pulled away, hands coming up to their face. He looked at them for a moment, eyes searching their face. Sneaks wasn’t sure what exactly he was looking for. They didn’t stop him though, his hands felt nice.

“How are you feeling now?”

Sneaks took a deep breath, eyes slipping closed. How don’t they feel right now? They were angry. Upset. Afraid. Disgusted with how they look and how they’re perceived. Hating that they were so anxious in the first place since their work was going smoothly and there was nothing to worry about. They.. they were just so fucking-

“Tired,” Sneaks said aloud. “I’m tired, Mi.”

“Physically?”

“Physically, emotionally, mentally,” they scoffed, eyes dropping to the floor. “I don’t know. I’m just drained.”

Milo brushed some hair out of their face, gently guiding their face so that they were looking at him again. His eyes were just so soft. They were nearly swallowing them whole, and they couldn’t breathe—for a different reason this time. A better reason. There was so much care with him it was almost too much to fathom. 

“Let’s go to the couch then, yeah? You can rest for a bit before we try and tackle whatever is keeping you in this state.”

Sneaks nearly broke at the suggestion. Their limbs grew heavy with the thought of laying down for a bit. Blinking the unshed tears out of their eyes, they nodded.

Milo smiled, one of Sneaks’ favourite sights. “That’s my baby,” he whispered, leaning down to give them a gentle kiss. The effect was instantaneous; it felt like warm water running over their body. Smooth, comforting, gentle heat that methodically had their muscles relaxing. They could stay here forever.

But, as usual, it didn’t last forever. Milo pulled back with a quiet sigh, clasping their hand in his before tugging them toward the living room.

“Did you eat before you left?” Milo asked as he settled onto the couch, arms automatically reaching for them.

Sneaks shook their head with a sigh while they curled up into Milo’s side. “No. Once I could move again I just left. I don’t even remember the drive over here.”

That made Milo falter, and he gave them that worried look again. “It was bad enough that you couldn’t move?”

“And I cloaked,” Sneaks added sheepishly, “by accident.”

“Why didn’t you tell me what was going on before it got this bad?”

Sneaks shrugged in response, not able to meet his eyes. “I just kept thinking that tomorrow will be better. Plus, you’re not my therapist.”

“I know I'm not your therapist,” Milo said, “I do still want to know what’s going on, though. I care about you. A lot. I can’t have you going around giving my Mate a hard time.”

Sneaks gave Milo a skeptical look for a moment. “Milo, I’m your Mate,” they said.

“Yeah, and? Someone’s giving you a hard time, I gotta put them in their place.”

Sneaks sat there, buffering for a moment. “You are something else, Greer, you know that?”

“Yeah, well, this ‘something else’ managed to pull a divine being like you,” he paused long enough to plant a kiss on their cheek, “can’t be all bad.”

Sneaks lasted three seconds looking at Milo after that comment before their face started heating up. Groaning, they started to push Milo away. “No, no, that’s it, you’re done-”

“Wha- Hey- Hey! Ow!” Milo complained, laughing. “What are you doing?” “Creating distance between us, because you,” Sneaks emphasized the words with another gentle shove, untangling themselves more, “are embarrassing.”

“I’m embarrassing, huh?” Milo echoed, amusement ever clear in his tone. “My affection for you is embarrassing now?”

“Yes,” Sneaks gritted, finally able to scooch down the couch a bit. The freedom didn’t last long before Milo was launching himself on top of them, knocking them both flat. “Dude!”

Their complaints were cut short with a kiss, and they couldn’t stop themselves from melting into the couch. Like this, Milo’s core was almost overpowering. It surrounded them, enveloped them, a protective aura that helped ease their mind. They knew that if they had Milo around, they could let go of some of the responsibilities that they carry. It was safe to do so.

“What was that about my affection being embarrassing,” Milo muttered against their lips.

“Shut up,” Sneaks said, pulling Milo in again. It earned them a muffled chuckle, the sound vibrating against their lips. 

After a bit, Milo pulled back enough to properly look at them. Sneaks, once again, wondered what he was looking for. 

“I love you,” he said finally, the words softer than Sneaks was prepared for. Those three words seemed to hold so much more than Sneaks could assume. More than they could ever hope to understand, even this far into their relationship.

“I love you, too,” Sneaks whispered, a smile tugging at their lips.

“Now that I got you smiling again, what do you say I order us something to eat? You can rest while we wait for it to get here,” Milo suggested.

“That sounds nice,” Sneaks said. They could feel exhaustion start pulling at them again, enticing them to close their eyes.

Milo sat up, reaching for his phone. After a moment he turned it around, showing the menu for Sneak’s favourite restaurant, with a questioning look on his face. Sneaks nodded smiling. They searched for the remote while Milo ordered, hoping to turn on one of their shows to keep them busy. By the time Sneaks had found it and turned on the most recent thing they were watching together, Milo had finished with the order. 

Sneaks reached toward him, “come back now,” they beckoned. “I miss you.”

Chuckling, Milo gave them what they wanted. He sat by the end of the couch, making it so that Sneaks could lay between his legs and rest their head on his chest. He kissed their temple softly, “what happened to me being embarrassing?”

“I changed my mind.” “You changed your mind,” Milo repeated, tone incredulous.

“Yes.”

“Why?”

Sneaks shushed him, lazily covering his face with their hand. “I’m trying to watch a show here,” they said. Milo darted forward, kissing their palm before they could pull it away. Sneaks tried not to show how giddy that made them feel.

It wasn’t until Milo started to run his hands along their arms and sides did they start to feel the pull of sleep once again. They didn’t want to fall asleep though, not with food on the way and a chance to cuddle with Milo at hand. However, Milo caught on to the situation pretty fast.

“You can close your eyes, Baby,” Milo said to them quietly. “I’ll wake you when the food gets here.”

Sneaks was afraid a nightmare might come about again if they did that. They voiced their concerns to Milo. “I haven’t had good sleep all week, I don’t know if falling asleep now is the best idea.”

“Don’t worry about that, I got you,” Milo said. Sneaks knew that the statement was deeper than it seemed on the surface. 

Sneaks sighed. “I’m really not that tired,” they lied. They really didn’t want to miss out on this time with Milo.

“The way your eyes are barely open says otherwise,” Milo commented, a grin evident in his tone. “And the way that you’re slowly relaxing into my touch,” the sentence was emphasized by Milo running his hands deliberately across their body again. “And not to mention,” he added, slowing the words down as he went, “how you seem to be hanging on to my every word. Almost like focusing on them lulls that brain of yours into a sleepy stupor.”

“I know what you’re doing, and,” Sneaks’ words were interrupted by a yawn, “and it’s not going to work.”

“Seems to be working just fine,” Milo teased. He kissed the top of their head gently. “Take a nap, Baby,” he muttered against their hair, “I’ll wake you when the food gets here and then we can talk about your week, see if there’s something that we can do.”

Sneaks, finally giving in, nodded and moved so they could cuddle closer to Milo. Their eyes did not stay open long after they stopped fighting them. Milo hummed happily, kissing their forehead. They could feel his smile against their skin.

“Rest well, Sweetheart,” Milo whispered to them, and that was the last thing that they heard before they floated into unconsciousness. 

[theasstour]

𝐅𝐈𝐂 𝐏𝐀𝐆𝐄 | 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐓: 𝟏𝟎.𝟒𝐊 𝐍𝐁: 𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐥𝐢𝐜𝐢𝐭 𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐮𝐚𝐠𝐞, 𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐚𝐛𝐮𝐬𝐞

A/N: IT’S FINALLY HERE 🐚🌊✨ Lightkeeper!Harry is here and I’m BEYOND excited to show you lot this concept I’ve been thinking about quite literally everyday for MONTHS now! I love this story with my entire heart, and I really hope it resonates with some of you and that you fall completely in love with lightkeeper!harry and ST like I have 🥺 Love you! Enjoy! x

Thursday, 11 June

The universe would always balance itself out, Y/N McKay was aware of this. She was aware that if she had faith and believed everything happens for a reason, it would make the tough times of her life easier to mentally handle. If she did good, the universe would work to give it back to her in some other form. However, that didn’t mean that when something dreadful did happen it wouldn’t affect her, and she wouldn’t feel hopeless. Because she did. Very much so.

Most of her life she had lived in a constant state of harmony. She was neither displeased nor satisfied with the life she was leading because it kept her out of trouble; it kept her safe. Her entire life she had lived in peace in Winchester, a fairly prissy town in the middle of Hampshire county in England. Her father owned a business of sorts, Y/N had never gotten the details of it or how he’d gotten where he was, but all she knew was he inherited it from his father and it was expected to be handed down generation after generation in the McKay family. However, Y/N was an only child and neither her mum nor her dad thought she’d be fit to run the business when the time came.

“Nothing personal, darling,” her mother had said when it was brought up during a dinner when Y/N was still in sixth form. “You just don’t have the brains for it.”

“What your mother means to say,” Y/N’s father went on. “You’re so intelligent in your own way, running the business won’t make you happy.”

They always called it that. The business. They never told her what it was about or explained when she asked questions about it. Not that she expected her dad to be a drug lord, but it would’ve been nice to be let in on something. It would’ve been nice to be given the opportunity to feel of enough importance to someone to know special things.

Y/N looked out the window of the train, the Cornish coast stretching out as far as the eye could see, the sun not yet hanging high enough on the sky to make it dreadful to walk outside in her black oversized smock dress. The book in her lap was still open, though she’d read the same page over and over and over again, not being able to concentrate for long enough to remember what happened at the top of the piece of paper. Everything was fuzzy and she had too much to think about; too much to consider.

The last 24 hours had been the worst of her life. Yesterday had turned everything upside down and she hated it. However, thinking the universe would balance itself out and work in her favour, she was also aware that the reason her life needed help to be smoothed out by higher powers in the first place, was because it was in imbalance. Something was off. Something had thrown it off. But she forced herself to stay hopeful, knowing that if she lost that little flicker of hope in what seemed like an endless night, it’d be next to impossible to find her way back to peacefulness.

She glanced down at the book in her lap and was about to start reading again, not liking it when she had to put the book away in the middle of a chapter. She wasn’t given the opportunity as the overhead speakers sounded their soft alarm, and next second, a woman was speaking.

“Next stop is St Ives. Doors will open on the right-hand side.”

The nerves Y/N had felt in the pit of her stomach came back again, this time with more intensity than the last few. Though she realised what she was doing that morning when she boarded her train for Reading, and then again when she stepped on the train for St Erth, and yet again when she sat down on the train towards St Ives, this time it felt worse than all those times before. This was it. She was here.

She had no idea why she chose St Ives out of all places in Cornwall – in the world even –, why here of all places? Even years later, she could never seem to remember the exact moment when she chose that coastal town, or why it had appealed to her at all. Maybe it was the fact that it had a beach, or that it wasn’t particularly populated, or that there was no way anyone she had ever known would be there. The most important part however, and maybe the only reason why she chose St Ives, was because it was far away from Winchester. It was far away from her family, from her ex, and everything she associated with that town and everyone living in it.

She put The Well of Loneliness by Radclyffe Hall away in her purse, slinging her purse over her head to rest across her chest before she reached up and took her old leather bag down from the overhead compartment.  This was the only one she would risk bringing as it used to be her father’s back in the day, but he never used it anymore and wouldn’t suspect it being gone. Placing the strap on her shoulder, she walked off to the closest door, apologising when she jabbed someone with her bag on the way out.

Stepping off, Y/N instantly regretted wearing a long-sleeved dress. Though she was under the protection of the roof above the platform, the heat was still almost insufferable. It got her wondering if this was just a normal day in the very South of England or if it was an exceptionally hot one. She prayed for the latter.

She walked out of the station, staying in the cool shade for a few minutes longer as she typed in the address of the inn she was staying at. Not really knowing how public transit worked here yet, she didn’t want to risk taking the wrong bus or asking a tourist for directions to a place they’d never heard of. Instead, she put her EarPods in and went on her merry way. The second she stepped out into the sun, she was once again reminded of why she’d never wear that black dress again that summer.

The Roaming Crab Inn was on The Terrace, the road along the coast of St Ives, holding dozens of hotels and other places to stay during a visit. Y/N didn’t know why she’d chosen this exact inn, or how she’d even happened upon it. It might’ve had something to do with the picture of the old lady grinning from ear to ear on the inn’s website. A picture that was so lovely and so warm that, in the midst of everything Y/N was going through right then, it made her tear up.

She stepped into the inn, placing her sunglasses on the top of her head, and made sure her hair looked alright before walking a bit further inside. Cherry wooden panels lined the floors, walls, and ceiling, a reception desk in the same style attached to the wall to the right. Pictures of all kinds of people hung on the walls. Y/N suspected it might be locals as well as dear guests who had come and gone over the years. No lights were on as the sharp afternoon sun was sufficient in keeping the lobby just bright enough o that electricity wasn’t needed. Fake green vines hung along the ceiling and walls, as well as from different pots on the fireplace to the right that didn’t seem to be in use. Still, two old recliners stood beside it, tempting to sit down and drown in, to escape a turbulent life.

To the left was a staircase leading up to the other landings, and though Y/N hadn’t stepped foot on it yet, she already knew it creaked. This entire house seemed more like a cottage you’d find in the middle of the country, not on the coast of South England. She slowly started making her way over to the reception, and that was when she noticed the back door. Behind the desk was an old, white windowed door, a little smaller in height but a little wider in breadth than normal doors – like the entrance. It was open, leading the way out into a back garden that seemed to be both small and surrounded by the neighbouring houses on all sides. The wooden fence was covered in vines, flowers of all kinds poking out amongst them and on the ground around. The stone paved patio seemed to be old and uneven, there was a set of bistro metal chairs in all the colours of the rainbow along with a white table to match them.

A gang of old ladies sat around the table, chattering amongst themselves and occasionally laughing, all holding a different knitting project each. Y/N hated the thought of disturbing them, but she also just wanted to check in and go up to her room; maybe even go for a walk to take a look around the place she’d be in for the next few weeks.

She reached for the bell, hitting it lightly as to not make it sound urgent and intrusive. A small yelp was heard from the back garden and then the sound of the metal chair scraping against the stone patio. As she heard the footsteps get closer, Y/N glanced around, taking in the interior of the inn undisturbed one more. As someone appeared in the doorway and their eyes met, the old lady who stood there gave Y/N that warm smile of hers she’d seen online the night before.

“Hello, dear!” she chirped, placing her glasses on the bridge of her nose and walking over to the computer on her side of the desk. “How are you?”

“I’m good, thank you. And yourself?”

The old lady smiled, her eyes almost disappearing behind her high cheekbones. Her long white hair was fastened in a bun at the back of her head, the rest of her dressed in a pair of white trousers and a tunic with some bird print on it.

“I’m wonderful. What’s your name then, lovely?”

“Y/N McKay.”

“Ahh,” she said. “You’re the one who booked your stay last night.”

“That’s me, yeah,” Y/N chuckled, brushing some hair behind her ear.

“Till August 10th.”

“Yes.”

“Right then, Y/N,” the lady said, taking a key hanging from the wall beside her and taking her glasses off, smiling the entire time. “Let me show you to your room.”

The two walked up to the second floor, taking a right as they arrived and the inn-keeper unlocked the door. The innkeeper kept the door open for Y/N, letting her walk in first. Though the floor and ceiling were similar to the wooden panels of the lobby, the walls were white. Against the same wall that the door came to rest against stood an old blue dresser, and a fake flower in an elegant vase that seemed to be just one of the many flowers in the room. The double bed stood to the far left wall, white sheets covering it and looking so lush that it took everything in Y/N not to sprint over and throw herself onto it. There was a desk as well as a recliner, and a window on the opposite wall overlooking the ocean that was just about a minute’s walk from here.

“The bathroom is over there,” the innkeeper said, pointing at a door beside the staircase. “You share it with the other guests on the same floor as you, alright?”

“Yeah, that sounds nice,” Y/N admitted, genuinely meaning it as well. She didn’t see the problem with that in the least.

“I’m mostly downstairs or in the next house over, which is mine,” she continued. “So if there’s ever anything you think I could help you with, do pop by.”

“Thank you.”

“Oh, my goodness,” she suddenly exclaimed, walking over to Y/N. “I’ve completely forgotten to introduce myself. I’m Bessie.” Bessie smiled at Y/N again, making the latter almost want to cry for the umpteenth time that day. “And I really hope you enjoy your stay here in St Ives.”

With that, the innkeeper left Y/N to herself. Y/N let her bag and purse fall to the floor before she dragged the chair by the desk over to the window. She opened it and just stared out across the beach and sea outside. Seagulls were howling overhead, waves were crashing against shore, and the familiar salty scent of the presence of the ocean lingered in the air constantly. It was like one of those trips she’d taken with her parents every summer, a new place every year, always by the coast. Her favourite might’ve been their vacation in Bali. It was gorgeous beyond comprehension, in a way no other place she’d ever been could come close to. But she was aware she’d never go on another trip with her parents again. Not after everything that happened the night before.

Now she couldn’t rely on them any longer. She was on her own. She had no idea what she was going to do, no idea what lay ahead of her. As she at on the chair looking out over St Ives, the town she’d spend her summer in, she realised she’d never felt more forlorn.

St Ives is a coastal town located in the very south-west of the southernmost county in England, Cornwall. It is known for its surf beaches – most well-known being Porthmeor – and its many art galleries and restaurants. Tate St Ives is a gallery at the seafront and has rotating modern art exhibitions, focusing primarily on British artists. The Barbara Hepworth Museum and Sculpture Garden is located in the modernist artist’s former studio, displaying her bronzes and other works.Y/N, having grown up in a fairly posh family with exquisite and particular taste, knew a thing or two about art. 

She always had her purse on her, and in it she’d keep all the essentials for going out and about. Hand sanitiser, Kleenex, band-aids, pads, keys, a portable charger, and the book she was currently reading. The Well of Loneliness lay in her purse as she strolled around, a St Ives guide book in her hand that she’d bought at one of the local stores on what must’ve been their high street.

First and foremost, she wanted to do some sightseeing. She’d be here for a long time, so she might as well get acquainted with the town she’d stay in and learn its ins and outs. There is this part of St Ives called The Island, that isn’t at all an island, but it is just called that. The Island is the imposing headland that juts out into the seat from the spit of land that separates the harbour and Porthmeor beach – the most popular and most central beach in the town. In ancient times it was a promontory fort, but these days it’s probably better known as a location of the tiny chapel of St Nicholas. Walking to The Island, Y/N took in the incredible views of the ocean surrounding her, and the beach – The Townas - beside her that was cramped between The Island and Godrevy Point on the other side.

To her left was what looked to be Hellesveor Cliff, and at the very point of it, on the top of what must’ve been the most haunting cliff Y/N had ever seen, stood a lighthouse. Looking in her guide book, it didn’t say much about the lighthouse except the care of it had been passed down generation after generation by the family currently living there. It was at the very edge of St Ives, farther out than Godrevy Point. It made it so Porthmeor, St Ives, and The Townas were all guarded by these two points, the St Ives Lighthouse watching over its town and the far coast around.

Continuing on her walk, she strolled down the Down-a-long, which is the old, lower part of St Ives built on the narrow ridge of land that separated The Island to the rest of the town. This part of town is the archetypal image of St Ives with its jumble of cobble streets lined with whitewashed, old cottages, some seeming to fall apart and others in better condition. Y/N thought the street names were equally evocative and unique, some of her favourites being Salubrious Place, Teetotal Street, and The Digney. Though it said in her catalogue that fishermen used to live in the Down-a-long before, next to none lived there now as most of it was occupied by galleries, cafes, and little shows that one can shake a stick at. As she strolled through Fore Street, the main shopping street in St Ives, she walked by a vintage shop – Vintage Divine – and jotted it down on her phone.

All her life, Y/N had always loved everything vintage. She liked the thought of owning something that had once been part of someone else’s life, that had made them happy enough they wanted to hand it on and give someone else that same happiness they’d experienced. Though neither her mum, her dad, or her ex-boyfriend liked her obsession with vintage and stuff owned by others before her, their disinterest had never stopped her from going to markets or stores. However, she never bought anything unless she knew she could hide it. Now, she thought, that didn’t have to be a problem.

A few years back when she started to realise her obsession with old stuff, furniture, clothing, and books owned by others before her, she read an article online. The article had suggested that people are attracted to vintage pieces because they offer an escape. Wearing these garments, holding these ornaments, touching furniture from another time is a way to experience a different life. A life that isn’t your own and that was lived before hers or parallel to hers. Shopping vintage then created an exciting search for something special and creative, something a normal shopping trip could never give her. It was weird how much she was looking forward to going through that shop, Y/N realised, but she couldn’t wait to explore and take items home with her. Not that she expected she’d be welcomed home to Winchester anytime soon, but she chose not to think about that too much.

Fore Street was a narrow and cobblestone-clad street with people milling about trying to find a decent place for lunch. Stone cottages lined both sides of the street, either a neutral colour like white, a dull yellow, beige, light blue, or just plain, grey stone. Y/N enjoyed walking among these houses. It was a quiet town, peace seemed to be permanently settled between the cramped streets and tiny houses. Though Winchester wasn’t London with its tall buildings and never-ending bustle, St Ives was even smaller than her hometown, which made it that much more appealing to her. There was a sense of relaxation in the mere atmosphere around her that massaged the tension out of her shoulders and straightened her hunched back.

The door to the Seafood Café she was about to walk by burst open. A couple of people standing around jumped at the commotion, as did Y/N. Dressed in high-waisted loose fitted denim jeans, a white tee shirt tucked into them, a pair of orange worn down Vans, and brown curls in a dishevelled mess, the man who caused the ruckus didn’t seem to notice everyone’s attention being on him. He halted a bit as he came outside before he walked left. Y/N stopped moving, the sudden interruption in her peaceful stroll taking her off guard. The man suddenly started straight for Y/N, his head bent, eyes on the cobblestone before him. He didn’t seem to notice where he was going, not looking up in the direction he was heading. So, when he saw Y/N’s shadow, that’s when he glanced up. Their eyes met just a second before he managed to stop, preventing them from crashing into one another.

“Oh!” he erupted, voice crescendoing. He blinked twice, eyes settling on her for a few seconds before he said a quick, “Oh, I’m sorry.”

“No, no, I should’ve moved out of the way,” Y/N assured him, about to step to the side when she noticed his lips moving again. No words came out, though. She stood there for a few seconds, just watching his jaw and lips work, not seeming to find his words.

“Have a good day,” she went on, trying to step out of the way when the man blurted out, “Please, miss.”

She looked at him again, about to narrow her eyes when she saw a troubled expression on his face. His eyes were a little wide and he glanced over his shoulder before meeting her eyes again. The door to Seafood Café opened again, a woman and a younger girl stepping out.

“Please,” he repeated, voice low. “Go along.”

Y/N frowned. “Excuse me?”

“I’ll owe you my entire life if you just play along for a minute or two, yeah?”

She cocked her head some to the side. “I don’t know what you mean, sir. I should-“

“-I don’t usually do this- I mean, I never do, I’ve never done this before – ever -, but-but they think I have a girlfriend and I don’t. Please-“

“-Harry!”

The man – who Y/N could only assume to be Harry - turned around to face a tiny Filipina woman and an even smaller girl beside her, who looked to be no older than ten. The two looked Y/N over, eyes scanning her from head to toe. Y/N felt like she was under a magnifying glass.

But while they took her in, Y/N’s thoughts wandered to the words the man beside her had said only a few seconds earlier. “They think I have a girlfriend and I don’t.” Was he… was he saying what Y/N thought he was saying? She glanced at him, seeing him draw a shaky breath and meet her eyes, waiting for her to make the next move it seemed. Everything that had happened in the last minute confused her. She didn’t know this man, didn’t know what he’d told these two women or why. She was also well aware that by just walking away she wouldn’t need to worry about him any longer; his problems weren’t hers. This seemed messy, confusing, and a little risky.

Usually, she wouldn’t want any part of it. The Y/N she was yesterday wouldn’t have considered this. She would’ve looked at the man apologetically before excusing herself and walking off, leaving him to figure out whatever lie he’d told these two on his own. But Y/N had changed. Or… at least that’s what she wanted to believe… Fine, she wanted to change, and maybe this was a place to start.

Harry sighed, turning around to face the two he had tried to get away from, shoulders sinking as he met their eyes. The defeat was evident in his body language; he was about to give up and just tell them that he didn’t have a girlfriend. That’s what finally did it, seeing how it took absolutely everything out of him to tell them the following. “Jasmine, I’m sorry, I need to tell you-“

“-It’s so nice to finally meet you,” Y/N interrupted him, smiling as she stepped out from behind Harry. Though she had seriously considered helping him, it still surprised her when she actually heard the words coming out of her mouth. Her heart was beating about as fast as it had that morning when she’d left Hampshire.

Harry looked at her, mouth falling open, obviously shocked by her willingness to help him. It took him a few seconds to gather himself, but once he did, he looked back at the two they were trying to convince with a bright smile on his face.

“What did you have to tell me, Harry?” the older woman asked.

“That, uhh…” He looked at Y/N again before glancing at who she could only assume to be Jasmine. “Jessa, this is my girlfriend.”

Jasmine raised her eyebrows, eyes lighting up suddenly. The girl beside her stood there fidgeting with the hem of her top, looking Y/N up and down still.

“Hi,” Y/N said, stepping forward and reaching her hand out for Jasmine. “I’m Y/N.”

“Y/N,” Jasmine said, a smile coming to rest on her round face as they let go of the others’ hand. “Harry, you said her name was unusual.”

“That… I-“ Harry stopped himself.

Y/N’s lips parted, unsure how to react to that.

“That’s why you didn’t want to tell us her name, since it was so unusual. Y/N isn’t unusual.”

Y/N chuckled a little, looking at Harry whose whole face was a shade of red she’d never seen before. He glanced around him, meeting her gaze before quickly looking to the ground, scratching at his neck.

“You thought my name was weird?” She was well aware Harry hadn’t known her name until that point, let alone had any time to form an opinion on it. But regardless, she found it funny how he’d refused to give them his pretend girlfriend’s name by telling them it was an unusual one, as if they’d laugh at it.

“I didn’t-“ Harry sighed. “It wasn’t like I was embarrassed I just…” He trailed off, motioning with his hands, but Y/N had no idea what that meant. She didn’t take it to heart, though, knowing it had nothing to do with her and everything to do with his cover-up story.

“He has such a way with words,” Jasmine said, clicking her tongue at him. “Anyway, I’m Jasmine, but just call me Jessa. Harry’s stepmother.”

“And I’m Grace.” The little one stepped forward, grinning from ear to ear. The small one had the same roundness to her face as the woman beside her, as well as the same flat nose and almond shaped eyes like Jessa’s. “Harry’s kept you a secret.”

“Gracie, I haven’t kept her a secret as much as I’ve kept her away,” Harry said. “You’re gonna scare her.”

“We won’t scare her!” Jessa exclaimed. “It’s your girlfriend, Harry! We will be nice.”

“Somehow doubt that.” Harry turned to Y/N, turning his back to his step mum and what must be his half-sister. “They like to interrogate, especially Jasmine.”

“You villainise us,” Jessa said, walking closer to them and taking Y/N’s hand between hers. It took her off guard and she almost pulled her hand away, the feel of someone’s skin voluntarily touching hers felt weird.

“You don’t have to stay if you don’t want to,” Harry continued, ignoring Jessa. There was an apology in his eyes that he didn’t voice. Or at least that’s what Y/N thought she saw anyway. “They’ll make it hard to enjoy yourself.”

Jessa reached over and pinched Harry’s exposed forearm. He flinched away from her, glaring as he stepped back a few paces.

“Now you’re being rude.”

“I don’t want you lot to make her uncomfortable with all your questions,” Harry said, a frown etched in his forehead. He hadn’t met Y/N’s eyes directly ever since they almost walked into one another. “Besides, she’s…” Harry’s eyes fell to the guide in Y/N’s hand. “She’s sightseeing.”

Y/N smiled at Jessa and Grace, showing them the small book she was carrying with her. “I’ve just been to the Island. The view from there is fantastic.”

“Harry, the view from the Island is nothing. Have you shown her yet?”

“Jessa, it’s… she’s just…”

Finally, he looked at her, not knowing what to say that would make his stepmother give it a rest. Y/N could understand why she asked so many questions, she was just eager to get to know someone who she thought was Harry’s new partner.

“I arrived this morning,” Y/N answered, smiling at Jasmine. “We haven’t had the time to meet up properly, so in the meantime I’ve just been walking around.”

“Where’s your luggage?”

“At the Inn. The Roaming Crab.”

Jessa’s eyes went wide, looking at Harry disapprovingly again. “She’s not even staying with you? What kind of boyfriend are you?”

“She could stay at our house,” Grace said, eyes on the space that separated Y/N and Harry before she met Y/N’s eyes.

“It’s not that… It’s not like that, I-“ Harry stopped himself, dragging his hand over his face that had been bright red ever since this whole spectacle started. “You’re blowing this out of proportion.”

“Am I?” Jessa crossed her arms.

“Yes… I-“ Harry stuttered and though Y/N hadn’t known this man for very long, she could tell he found it hard to find his words in stressful situations.

“We didn’t want to overwhelm each other. We haven’t stayed together for a long period of time before, this would be the first, so I’m staying at the Inn so we won’t get tired of each other too quickly.” Y/N hoped she sounded confident and truthful; she wouldn’t want to blow this for Harry already. After all, she had no idea how long he’d need this pretend girlfriend lie for.

A frown appeared between Jasmine’s brows and it dawned on Y/N that she must’ve said something wrong just now. Panic rose to her chest, but Harry cleared his throat.

“Except for that trip to Exeter last month, but that was only a single weekend. Now she’s here for…” He narrowed his eyes, as if the answer was at the tip of his tongue but Y/N knew she was the only one with an answer to that.

“August 12th,” she said, Jessa letting go of a small squeal at the sound of it. “Dunno how many weeks that’ll be, but I’m-“

“-That’s fantastic! You need to come to Gracie’s birthday next weekend.”

Harry stuttered a little, Jessa’s enthusiasm making him nervous, Y/N thought. “Nanay-“

“-She’s going to love that, won’t you, Gracie?”

Grace nodded her head, grinning up at Y/N. “You can put pretty stuff on my eyelids.”

Y/N raised her eyebrows some and Jessa laughed. “Eyeshadow.”

“Oh! Well, I don’t have loads of that since I’m no good with make-up, but I do have nice jewellery.” Y/N picked at the one she was wearing just then, a gold necklace she’d gotten for her birthday the year before.

Grace’s smile didn’t fade one bit at that. In fact, it only seemed to get a little bigger at the sight of Y/N’s pretty necklace. The girl didn’t say anything, but she swayed from side to side, looking excitedly up at her brother’s supposed new girlfriend.

“You’re coming then?” Jessa asked, looking so happy she might burst, and it hurt Y/N that she probably wouldn’t.

“Jessa, we have barely had time to catch up, let her breathe,” Harry pleaded and Jessa waved her hands at them.

“Sorry, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to overwhelm you, Y/N. It’s just…” Jasmine’s eyes fell on Harry standing beside Y/N, her eyes glistening. “It’s just so nice to know Harry’s not alone anymore.”

“I’ve never been alone, nanay.”

Jessa shook her head, sighing heavily. “Alright, we’ll leave you two lovebirds alone. You’ll probably want some time to yourselves to just walk around. Has she been to the lighthouse, Harry? Take her there.”

Harry sighed, scratching at the back of his neck. “Nay-“

“-Fine, we’ll leave. It was so nice to finally meet you, Y/N.”

“You too, Jessa. And you, Grace.”

Grace gave a wave before Jessa took her hand and the two walked away, probably on their way home or whatever other plans they had. Y/N watched them for a few before turning to Harry. His blush had calmed down a little, but a bead of sweat had appeared at his cupid’s bow. If it was because of nerves or the weather, she did not know, but she was not about to ask him that.

Upon closer inspection and now that they didn’t have Harry’s stepmum and sister watching over them, Y/N could finally study the man she rescued for a total of five minutes. Green eyes that reminded her of the moors she’d spend time running through each summer, a slight stubble along his soft jawline, nose a little too big for his face, and a slight dimple in each cheek even though he wasn’t smiling fully yet. She wondered what they’d look like if he actually grinned.

“Hi,” she said, reaching her hand out. “Y/N.”

Harry chuckled softly, taking her hand, eyes staying on the place they were touching each other. “Harry.”

“I’m glad I could be of some help, Harry.”

A crooked smile reached his lips as his eyes fell to the ground and he stepped away, letting his hand fall to hit his thigh. He glanced up at her. “Thank you for that. They say they’re worried, but they’re really just nosey.”

Y/N grimaced a little, making a breathy laugh escape Harry’s lips. “Is your life more interesting than theirs?”

“Not in the least. I lead the most boring existence in the most boring town in the United Kingdom.”

She chuckled, reaching for her necklace. “Not sure you can claim that title, my life’s pretty up there as well.”

Harry tried to shove his hands into the pockets of his jeans, but the arms of his denim jacket wrapped around his waist were in the way. “Oh?”

“Blimey, I won’t keep you if you’ve got things to do. You look like a busy man.”

Harry stared at the watch on his wrist and bit his bottom lip, looking up at her through his thick set of dark eyelashes. “Yeah, I gotta be on my way actually.”

She gave him a smile, getting one in return.

“Listen, thank you so much for that. I just needed to get them off my back. You don’t actually have to come to Gracie’s birthday party, Jessa just loves when she gets to interrogate people. Her favourite sport is discussing gossip.”

Y/N laughed. “You burn a lot of calories doing that.”

Harry chuckled, scratching at his neck as his eyes fell to her neck and then shoulder. “Anyway, I don’t know how to repay you. If you’re here till August, I guess I’ll see you around.”

For some reason, Harry not really knowing what to say was funny to Y/N. It wasn’t like he owed her anything or the other way around. She’d just helped him out and now they could part ways. Easy as that.

“You don’t have to repay me, I’m glad I could help,” she smiled. “I’ll try and stay out of your way if I see you out and about. You know, to avoid the awkward conversation of telling them we’re not actually together.”

Harry’s lips tipped upward. “Right, thanks.”

“Now, since I’m talking to you,” she said, opening the catalogue again. “Where’s the Tate Gallery?”

Harry turned around, pointing up Fore Street from where they stood. “When you reach Bunkers Hill, you follow that all the way up to Back Road, then you just walk along The Digney and it’ll be on your right-hand side.”

“Thank you so much.”

“No, thank you. I… It was too much-“

“-I’m serious when I say I’m glad I could help, don’t worry about it.” She shot him one last smile before giving him a wave. “Bye, Harry.”

“Bye,” he said, giving her a short nod before she focused her attention back on her surroundings. She needed to catch the street names and get her walk to the Tate on the first try because she could really not be asked to walk back and whip her phone out. After all, Harry just helped her so it was going to be easy to just follow his navigation and get there.

As she strolled along the gallery and the rest of St Ives that day, she couldn’t help but think about that little encounter earlier. She wondered what happened after that, if Jessa and Grace demanded more information from Harry or if he told them how it was all a lie. Putting it all aside, she focused on her trip instead. She’d never meet that family again, but she really hoped everything worked out for them regardless. The last thing she needed was for this summer to be about anything but her and what she really wanted in life. She didn’t need distractions. Her whole life up until now had been a distraction.

Friday, 12 June

Being in south England and not taking advantage of the amazing beaches this part of the country offered, was maybe on the same wrongdoing scale as committing a serious crime. Y/N had gotten dressed that morning and headed straight downstairs to eat breakfast in the tiny dining hall of the Inn. It was positioned in what must’ve originally been the living room in the house, four tables placed in there with two chairs placed by each of them. The dining room had the same layout as the entrance to the Inn; wooden panels all over, flowers and plants everywhere along with pictures and candles to top it off.

When she walked downstairs, Bessie was quick to jump up from where she was sitting in her small back garden, meeting Y/N with a warm beam on her face. When Bessie asked Y/N if she’d like a meat, vegetarian, or vegan full English, Y/N startled herself by replying vegetarian. She hadn’t grown up vegetarian, but in all her life, she’d never had a purely vegetarian meal. So, instead of correcting herself, she let Bessie make her that vegetarian breakfast. The thought of eating something she hadn’t before didn’t make her anxious as she thought it would’ve, but she was rather excited about the whole thing.

Bessie came out with the tray, setting it down before Y/N and asked her if she would mind Bessie’s company. With a quick reply encouraging the old lady to sit down, Bessie ran – or walked as fast as her short legs could take her – outside and returned with her knitting. Y/N had been alone pretty much all day the day before nd she had anticipated being alone all day today as well, so she rather enjoyed Bessie’s company. She had never really envisioned this to be part of her trip to Cornwall – an old lady with her grey hair put neatly in a bun with two knitting needles holding it up, wearing a long bohemian dress and glasses perched on the end of her nose, talking her ear off and Y/N having an immense amount of fun in the process.

The sea and seagulls sounded from inside the Inn, but as Y/N put her bathing suit and summer dress on, on her way down towards the beach, the costal sounds only intensified. The salt in the air clung to her skin and the smell of seaweed got more prominent the closer she got to the ocean. She put her stuff down and brought The Well of Loneliness out again, wanting to finish the book that day because she really wanted to know how it all ended. She wasn’t sure how much time went by as she laid there, completely captivated by the world Radclyffe Hall had created within the book.

It wasn’t that Y/N particularly enjoyed the book. No, it wasn’t that. It was endlessly long and detailed, for absolutely no purpose. The writing wasn’t particularly memorable; one wouldn’t remember it for its evocative and imaginative characteristics, nor for Hall’s ability to tell instead of show. Over the years she’d studied English in college, Y/N knew that a writer should be able to balance those two out; show some, tell some. But that concept was lost on Hall. No, Y/N didn’t like The Well of Loneliness for its writing, not even the plot.

She liked the book because of the plea embedded in it. The plea for LGBT people to be treated as human; that they were normal and not a disease. Why did they have to be other? They didn’t choose this life so why were they to be punished for it by being treated differently? By being illegal? The Well of Loneliness was published around the same time Orlando by Virginia Woolf, who was one of Y/N’s favourite authors ever. Though these two books touched on similar themes of identity, where Orlando shrouded the issue of mysticism, The Well dared to discuss sexual identity openly. Y/N commended Radclyffe Hall for that.

However much Y/N sympathised with Hall and the main character, Stephen, she couldn’t help but laugh at the hypocrisy in the book. While it attempted to strive for acceptance of one minority, it also emanated an underlying attitude of snobbishness and chauvinism towards other minorities at the same time, which made no sense to Y/N. Then again, it was the 1920s, so she guessed she couldn’t really ask for anything else from a rich white person at the time.

Having finally finished the book, Y/N asked someone nearby if they could watch her things while she took a dip. There was a blonde bloke around her age and another bloke with blue hair, sitting not too far off, and when she asked if they could keep an eye on her stuff, they promised they would.

Y/N took her time swimming, trying to remember the last time she’d been on a beach where the public were allowed. It was odd seeing so many around her, but she liked it. She liked the sound of others around her. Silence was good, but in the disturbance of human noise was the reassurance of rescue. The promise that you might be lonely, but you are never alone.

Walking back up to her picnic blanket, Y/N thanked the two men before lying back down, soaking up the sun. She hadn’t been aware she’d already been at the beach for a few hours until she realised her stomach was rumbling. So, packing her stuff together and making sure her hair was somewhat dry, she walked around to see if there were any places she could sit down. The only place on Porthminster Beach was the café with the same name, and by the looks of it, it was completely full. Since Bessie had served Y/N some breakfast, she must have something for lunch as well.

Walking back the 5 minute to the hotel, Bessie jumped up from her place in the back garden, sitting back there with two other ladies and knitting like they’d done the day before.

“Hello, dear, you had a good trip to the beach?”

Y/N couldn’t help but feel completely at ease in this old woman’s company. “Yes, I did. A bit hungry, though, do you have something I could eat, possibly?”

“Of course! What do you fancy?”

“Oh, a toastie’s fine.”

“Vegetarian?”

For some reason, the fact Bessie remembered Y/N’s preference from this morning made her smile. “Yes,” she said without thinking.

“Right, just sit down and I’ll come by with your lunch, my lovely.”

“Thank you so much, Bessie.”

“Don’t mention it.”

Y/N sat down, bringing her phone out as she hadn’t checked it properly in a few hours. She wasn’t sure what she expected, to be fair. There was no one from home who would want to contact her, and if they were to, they would rather look around Winchester than call. In their minds, she couldn’t have run far. Regardless, the mere fact they hadn’t even called her made something inside her sink a little. It felt awful knowing how little she meant to them all along. So little that they wouldn’t even pick up the phone and save her a call or a text.

“Here, my dear,” Bessie said, putting down a tray before Y/N. “I’m gonna pop outside to my little knitting club, if that’s fine by you. Just come on out if you don’t have anything else to do after this, yeah?”

“Thank you so much,” Y/N said and Bessie smiled at her before she disappeared outside again.

Turning her attention to her food, Y/N started thinking about what she could do the rest of the day. She could walk some more around town, she’d seen bigger parts of it yesterday, but there were always corners of a town that needed discovering. Once she was about halfway through her toastie, hasty footsteps sounded from the lobby and a somewhat familiar figure appeared. He stopped a bit on his way towards the reception desk, as if he didn’t want to be a bother to Bessie of some kind by asking for assistance. Bessie appeared a few seconds later, grinning from ear to ear as usual.

“Hello, Harry love.”

“Hi, Bess. I…” he stopped himself, running his hands up and down the sides of his white and grey striped cotton-blend trousers, a navy blue tee shirt tucked into it and a pair of white Vans on his feet. “I just wanted to come check again.”

“For the third time.”

“Yeah, well…” He did a quick shrug. “I just wanted to check.”

“She’s here.” Bessie gestured to Harry’s right and when he looked that way, his eyes immediately found Y/N’s. She didn’t think she’d ever see him again. However, a summer in a small coastal town would make that very hard. She’d try her hardest to stay out of Harry’s way, as well as his family’s, so she wouldn’t make things awkward. She would have escaped to a town a little further south or on the other side of Cornwall, but she was settled in now and she’d already paid for her whole stay.

Though she’d promised to keep away from him to prevent any unpleasant situations, Harry hadn’t made her the same promise. And here he was. For some reason. He seemed both taken off guard to see her sitting there as well as relieved he’d finally caught her. A sigh left him, slumping his tense shoulders a little before he thanked Bessie quickly and walked to Y/N.

“Is it,” he started as he made his way over. “Is it okay if I sit down?”

Y/N nodded her head while swallowing, gesturing with her hand at the chair opposite hers. “Yes, go ahead,” she said when her mouth was free to.

“Cheers.” Harry sat down, slid a little closer to the table and rested his hands between his legs as he leaned back against the back of the chair.

The two fell into silence for a little while, Y/N watching as Harry’s eyes fixed on the small bouquet of flowers in the tiny vase placed in the middle of the round table. Yes, she loved company, but Harry’s had taken her a little by surprise and she was eager to know why he’d come looking for her. She didn’t want to try and draw a conclusion herself without hearing his reasoning first, knowing that whatever she came up with wouldn’t be correct anyway. Instead, she put her toastie back on her plate and focused her attention on Harry, who had yet to say anything. From the way he was biting the inside of his lip, she assumed he was mulling over the right thing to say. It didn’t seem to ever come when finally, he opened his mouth.

“First, I just want to say sorry for yesterday,” he said, meeting her eyes, but quickly looking to her shoulder. “It was proper daft. I was desperate and I panicked, and you were right there.” He let out a sigh, running a hand through his hair. “I’m sorry for putting you in that position.”

Y/N just gave him a smile. “You don’t have to apologise, I’m glad I could help.”

“And I appreciate you helping me out, I really do, but… here’s the thing…” He cleared his throat. “Jessa and Gracie are right about losing their minds of this.”

Y/N chuckled. “Oh?”

“Yeah, they called and texted all last night and this morning, saying how nice it was to meet you, that I need to bring you to Grace’s birthday next Saturday,” Harry said. “And it makes me wonder if it was even worth it yesterday. I still appreciate what you did, and this is all my fault, but I think…” He trailed off again, scratching at the back of his neck. “Look, I’m doing a naff job of explaining this.”

Sipping her juice, Y/N just smiled at him till she put her glass down. “Take your time.”

He took a deep breath. “Think I might tell them it’s all fake. I don’t have a partner and that’s fine.”

Y/N nodded. “Yeah, being single is fine.”

“Only thing that’s stopping me is the fact that Jasmine will be crushed. Ever since my dad died, she’s been so worried about me living alone in the lighthouse.”

There was so much to unpack in that sentence that Y/N felt herself retract a little, scanning his face for what the appropriate reaction to that would be. Harry must’ve noticed her silence so he glanced at her face, eyes going wide.

“Oh! Don’t feel like you-“

“-I’m sorry about your dad.”

“No, that’s okay, he hasn’t been with us for two years now,” Harry went on. “That was a real mood killer. Bringing up my dead father with someone I barely know.”

Y/N smiled. “Think you fake breaking up with me was a great mood killer before that was even brought up.”

Harry smiled a little at that, those deep dimples just barely gracing his cheeks. “Sorry.”

“No, don’t be sorry.” She wiped at her mouth with the napkin, brows slowly coming into a frown. “You said something about a lighthouse… do you live there?”

“In the lighthouse?”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah, I’m the lighthouse keeper.”

Her frown deepened a little.

“What?”

“I didn’t think those existed anymore.”

“What, lighthouses?” Harry’s smile widened, amusement tracing his pink lips.

“No, lighthouse keepers.”

He shrugged. “Here’s a living, breathing example of one.”

She couldn’t help her laughter. “Fine, I take it back. I don’t really think about lighthouses enough to give their keepers much of a thought either.”

“Too bad.”

Y/N just shook her head some, noticing a slight redness to Harry’s cheeks that hadn’t been there a few seconds earlier. “You were saying about Jessa.”

“She’s worried about me living alone in the lighthouse. Says I’ll be lonely and that she thinks about me sitting up there crying my eyes out or summat.”

“Do you? Cry your eyes out?”

“No, I like having my own space. I like living there alone. She’s just being a protective stepmum, looking out for me and all that. Like, yes, I’m still sad Dad is dead, but it wasn’t like he lived with me in the lighthouse anyway. He lived with Jasmine and Grace.”

Y/N nodded slowly. “She doesn’t want you to be alone ‘cause she thinks you don’t want to be.”

“Exactly,” Harry said, pausing a bit before mumbling something that sounded like, “That’s why I’ve told them for a few months now that I have a girlfriend.”

She narrowed her eyes some.

“To get them off my back, innit? I don’t want them to think I’m miserable, ‘cause I’m not. But when I told them I had a girlfriend, they got so happy, yeah? I just tried to be as vague as possible, didn’t give them a name and they didn’t ask, assuming I wanted to keep her secret. Jessa hasn’t bugged me about this in weeks… Until yesterday.”

Y/N started piecing everything together. “That’s why you stormed out of the restaurant.”

He nodded. “And ran into you.”

Y/N couldn’t keep the smile off her face. “The idea of just telling them I was your fake girlfriend just fell into your head once you saw me?”

Harry chuckled and shifted his gaze away from her, clearly embarrassed. “Yeah. I never do stuff like that. I hate uncertainty, so trusting you yesterday when I didn’t know if you’d play along… well, it took five years of my life.”

 She laughed. “If I hadn’t then the whole lie would’ve been obvious to Jessa and Grace.”

“Exactly.”

“Well, I’m glad I could help then,” Y/N said, really meaning it as well.

“Yeah, and thank you so much for doing so. It really helped me out… if you look away from Jasmine texting me five times today alone to organise a dinner with you and all of us.”

They both laughed a little at that and when Y/N glanced at Harry again, he was looking down at his hands in his lap. After a brief pause, he met her eyes again.

“I’m sorry for dragging you into this, and thank you for helping me. I’ll tell them everything now, I don’t want you to have to hide while you’re here for two months.”

She smiled. “Thank you.”

For the next few seconds, they looked at one another in silence. Y/N thought back to the moment she’d seen Harry, how it might’ve taken her a few seconds to catch on, but her main instinct had been to help him. She thought of the gratitude on Harry’s face when she played along, how she hoped he one day would find an actual girlfriend that would have just as big of an impact on Jessa and Grace as it seemed she herself had. She was about to tell Harry this when the sound of footsteps sounded from the lobby again.

A woman Bessie’s age walked in, a bag slung over her shoulder and sunglasses in her short black hair. As she stepped inside, she spotted Harry and Y/N sitting together and her mouth fell open, a grin coming to rest on her wrinkling face.

“Bessie, you didn’t tell me these two were going to be here,” the old woman said, walking into the dining area. Bessie stepped out from behind the wall that hid the reception desk from the dining hall. At that, Y/N’s stomach dropped. Bessie must’ve heard their entire conversation. By the look on Harry’s face, he was going through a similar near-death experience to the one Y/N was currently enduring.

“Hi, Mrs Rose,” Harry said, no one seemed to notice the slight tremor to his voice.

“Harry and his new girlfriend,” Mrs Rose said, looking between them. “You know, you lot are the talk of the town.”

“We are?” Harry asked, the surprise in his voice so evident it made the older women laugh.

“Yes, of course! Jasmine told everyone!” Mrs Rose continued, looking to Bessie who was already nodding her head.

“Not everyone, but she told her friends, and you know how people like to gossip around here, don’t you, Harry?” Bessie gave him a smile and Harry smiled back, though it did not reach his eyes. “Anyway, Florence, this is Y/N. Y/N, Florence.”

“It’s so nice to meet you,” Y/N said, grinning at Florence who stuck her hand out. The two shook hands as Florence beamed back at Y/N. “So, the whole town knows?”

“Wouldn’t be surprised if that was the case,” Florence said, turning to Bessie who made a noise of agreement. “Jessa can talk about everything and anything for hours, but if her stepson gets a girlfriend? That’s the news of the century and she will not shut up.”

“How lovely,” Y/N said, not really knowing what else was appropriate in this setting as Harry hadn’t opened his mouth once to say anything.

“It’s a little less lonesome up in that lighthouse now, hm?”

“Oh, uhm…” Harry looked at Y/N and then back at Florence, his words having completely escaped him. Y/N was about to come to Harry’s rescue when Bessie took them both by surprise.

“They stayed here tonight,” Bessie explained and Florence looked at her with a furrow between her brows.

“Why on earth would they do that? Harry’s got a perfectly nice place by the lighthouse.”

“Who are we to question the decisions of our youth?” Bessie linked arms with Florence. “Let’s go outside, Flo dear. Leave the lovebirds to be by themselves.”

“Nice to meet you, Mrs Rose,” Y/N called after them.

“And you, Y/N!”

The second the two ladies were out of sight, Harry and Y/N shared a wide-eyed look, both of their panic equal it seemed. Y/N took a sip of her juice, somehow thinking it would calm her down. It did not.

“Jasmine told everyone,” Harry said, voice a whisper so no one walking by or sitting in the back garden would hear them. “She told everyone.”

“She can’t have… right?”

“You underestimate Jessa. If she was kidnapped and put in a gag, she’d be able to talk through it and move her jaw and teeth in a way that would obliterate said gag.” Harry ran a hand over his face. “She’s very chatty.”

“You’ve painted a vivid picture.”

Harry sighed, leg bouncing and eyes distant as he seemed to be racking his brain for a solution to the situation they were finding themselves in. “I was gonna tell Jessa it was a lie. I was gonna tell-“

“-You still can.”

“But everyone knows now. It’ll be well embarrassing for us when we have to tell people on the street that ‘oh yeah, that ol’ thing, we only pretended to be a couple so people wouldn’t be all up in Harry’s business,’ I somehow don’t see that going down well.”

“Then there’s only one thing we can do?”

“What’s that?”

“We pretend to be a couple.”

He stared at her, his facial expression very neutral, and though Y/N didn’t know him well enough yet, she did think she could decipher when he was displeased and when he was not. He seemed to be mulling it over, wanting for her to elaborate before he made a final decision.

“Everyone knows, I’m leaving in August, we can just say we broke up when August comes around.”

Harry nodded, thinking for a moment before he asked, “What will people say when they see us separated on the street then? Like, we’re not seen together.”

“People need to spend some time apart; it’s exhausting to be around another person 24/7.”

Harry nodded again, contemplating their predicament. “There’s always a lot of parties around here during summer. You don’t have to tag along, but you might have to if Jessa’s gonna be there.”

“I don’t mind,” Y/N admitted, shrugging her shoulders some. “I don’t have anything to do all summer, anyway. Might as well be in a fake relationship with a bloke I barely know and help him all I can.”

This made a breathy chuckle leave Harry’s lips and he held her gaze some before having it fall to his folded hands. “Well…” he said, suddenly reaching his hand across the table. “I’m Harry Edward Styles.”

Y/N laughed but took Harry’s hand, shaking it lightly. “Pleased to meet you, Harry. I’m Y/N Bernadette Angelica McKay.”

Harry whistled under his breath. “Mouthful.”

“What happens when you’re brought up in a posh family.”

Harry smiled at that and sat back in his chair. “I guess… I-I guess we should talk about how we got together and all that.”

“Yeah, make a story so it sounds more believable.”

“It’ll help if we have the same story, yes.”

She couldn’t help her laughter again, but it was cut short as Harry’s phone in his pocket started ringing. He sighed, taking it out and looking at it before putting it back down.

“Look, I gotta go.”

“Oh.” Y/N, having thought they were going to plan their fake dating history, blinked in confusion when Harry stood from his chair and looked at her apologetically. “We’ll see each other at some point.”

“Yeah,” Harry said, walking off toward the back garden, calling Bessie’s name as he did. They exchanged some words Y/N couldn’t hear and Harry disappeared into the kitchen for a minute before resurfacing again. Standing in the lobby, he looked at Y/N through the doorway leading into the dining area, mouth opening and closing as he tried to come up with something to say.

She just gave him a smile, hoping he understood that she just wanted him to take his time. It took one more sigh and a little staring contest before Harry finally found his words.

“You know where to find me, my house is the very tall, pointy one on the outskirts of town.”

She chuckled, watching as he walked out of the front door and down the street. Y/N found her bag, putting it on her shoulder as she got her lunch tray and sat it in the kitchen as she’d done after her breakfast that morning. On her way upstairs, Y/N turned as she reached the front door that was left open to welcome guests. Stepping into the doorway, she looked out over St Ives.

Seagulls were still screaming overhead, the sound of people down by the beach hung in the air all throughout the day, it smelled of seafood and summer, and just beyond the small town, on a tiny hilltop and on the very tip of a cliff, stood a lighthouse. A white lighthouse that rose high above the whole coast around it, protecting everyone. Locals, foreigners, and sailors. And it was operated and taken care of by the bloke Y/N was going to spend her entire summer in a fake relationship with. It didn’t seem real, and yet, that was exactly what it was. She didn’t have Harry’s number and knew next to nothing about him, but – as he put it – he lived in the very tall, pointy house on the outskirts of town. It was impossible to miss it. She could find her way to him, even in the dark.

The lighthouse keeper, Y/N thought to herself as she took in the lighthouse again through the window of her room once she walked upstairs. I have to pretend to be in love with a lighthouse keeper. And somehow, Y/N realised when looking back on that particular summer, that wasn’t the weirdest thing that would happen to her in St Ives.

NEXT UPDATE: Sunday, 2 August, 9PM GMT!

Huge thanks to my AMAZING beta readers! 🌊 @aileenacoustic​ 🌊 @bopbopstyles​ 🌊 @fromyourstrulyh​ 🌊 @harrys-creature 🌊 @honeydearly 🌊 @juliassgem​ 🌊 @summerfeelng​ 🌊 @sunflower--styles 🌊 @withallthelove-a​ 🌊

[echo-hiraeth]

Chapter 10: One of those long-sleeved dresses

Part of the “Ilicit Limerence” series

Pairing: Javier Peña x F!Reader

Summary: The pressure is on now that the government is negotiating with Escobar. The team decides to take the edge off, but when it comes to it, Javier can’t keep calm.

Warnings: swearing, angst, explicit sexual content, unprotected sex, nudity, mentions of pregnancy symptoms, alcohol

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A/n: Hello sweethearts! My sincere apologies for going MIA, I had a really rough week with tonnes of deadlines, but accept this 6k plus chapter! Let me know what you think. Lots of love!

“He did what now?”, Connie questioned, brow quirked in amusement as she sipped on her wine.

You cackled along with her, fingers playing with the stem of a wine glass, which was filled with orange juice. “I’m serious, he’s surrendering his key this weekend!”

“Well would you look at that, Javier Peña settling down huh?”, she smiled, clinking her glass to yours, “I don’t know how, but you did it.”

“I’ll cheers to that, sister”, you gloated, the smile on your face just getting bigger and bigger as the night went on.

The boys were out together, leaving you and Connie alone with the baby. Olivia had been sound asleep for about an hour now and as soon as that baby monitor didn’t detect any fussy noises, it was go-time. How she got the drinks out that fast, you hadn’t a clue, but you weren’t complaining when she got out the chips as well. Seeing how you were back to work and she had a kid to take care of, you hadn’t seen one another a lot this week, but tonight you were just hanging out, catching up.

“How’s the clinic been?”

She sighed, letting her head fall back on the couch. “Sometimes I wish you would just quit and join me already. I swear they only speak in Spanish to spite me.”

You huffed out a laugh, only laughing harder as the two of you locked eyes. It was one of those moments that didn’t make sense, but was hilarious nonetheless. You clutched your stomach as a cramp threatened to come up. “Okay – okay, stop, stop, stop”, you yelped, struggling to catch your breath as you kept laughing.

Connie was wheezing at this point, doubling over as well, the rest of her red wine spilling into your lap. “Aha – shit that hurts”, she gasped, rubbing at her cheeks as they cramped up.

You took a few deep breaths, finally having stopped giggling away. In one swift motion you took the fragile glass from her hands. “Alright, alright, Murphy, you’re too drunk to keep this going.”

“Oh come oooon, it’s my house, I call last round!”, she whined, reaching for the bottle on the coffee table.

You jerked it away just in time, holding it over your head as she groaned and rolled her eyes. “Connie, I’m serious, you have a baby to take care of tomorrow, go get ready for bed.”

She pouted, dragging herself up off the couch as she slumped towards the bathroom. “You’re no fuuuun.”

Shaking your head, you walked over to the kitchen, rinsing the glasses and putting the half-empty bottle in the fridge while your friend attended to her business in the small bathroom. It was a little past midnight now, just about time for the guys to come back too, in fact they were a little late already. The three of you still had work in the morning, considering it was a Thursday night, but no-one other than you seemed to give it much thought.

Some stumbling in the general direction of the two backrooms caught your attention, drying your hands before hurrying your way over to the bathroom. Only there wasn’t anyone there. You peeked into the bedroom, seeing your friend sprawled out on top of the duvet, still fully dressed. Her husband could take care of that. She’d knocked the alarm clock over, successfully unplugging it from the wall in the process. You picked it up, putting it back into place before heading back into the kitchen. Being the good friend that you were, you filled up a glass of water and along with an aspirin, put it on her nightstand. She’d thank you in the morning.

Once back in the living room, you cleaned up the messes, stowing away the snacks in the cupboard and washing the dirty dishes in the sink. By the time you were putting everything back into its spot, clock striking past one, the door swung open. They were mid-conversation, Steve way too loud for your liking, drunk out of his mind. Well, they were married after all – you thought, thinking back of your passed out friend.

Javier seemed fine, supporting Steve as he guided him onto the couch, shooting you an annoyed glare halfway through. You rested a hand on your lower back, trying to ease the pain as you just watched the two of them, Steve’s hand grabbing towards you.

“She’s maaaad”, he noted, giving Javier a look.

You bit back a chuckle, not wanting to give him the satisfaction, instead just motioning towards the door. The other man understood, slowly nodding before throwing a balled-up blanket at his partner. “See you at the office, Murphy.”

He grabbed your coat off the hanger, opening the door as he waited for you. You pecked his cheek in passing, taking the coat from him as you put it on, the coldness in the hallway already making you shiver. “M’sorry hermosa”, he sighed slinging a warm arm around you.

“How much did you have?”, you asked, leaning your head on his shoulder as you walked down to the lobby.

“About three, I’m good to drive”, he replied, pressing a sweet kiss to the crown of your head.

 It was a difficult night, having to run to the bathroom every other half hour as either your bladder or stomach pestered you. Javier was sleeping soundly, his whiskey tending to have that effect. You’d hit him over the head if you didn’t love him as much as you did. The acid reflux was killing you, no matter how upright you sat. You were never touching orange juice again, you vowed, fuck that.

Javier woke up to you sitting up against the headboard, neck at an awkward angle as you softly snored. It was then he noticed the bucket by the bedside, empty, but still there as a precaution. He’d let you sleep a little longer, off to the kitchen to prepare a breakfast while he woke up fully. As he flipped his omelette you shuffled out of the bedroom, rubbing your eyes as you stubbed your right into the couch.

“Motherfucker”, you exclaimed, pursing your lips in pain.

He grinned from his spot in the kitchen, winking as you flipped him an early morning bird. “Sit down before you break a leg.”

You plopped down on the chair, cradling your head in your hands out of sheer misery. You were exhausted and had an excruciating pain in your neck and back, not to mention how raw your throat felt, the acid reflux having left its mark. “Would you mind grabbing a coffee at work? I-I don’t feel particularly well.”

He put two plates on the table, sitting down next to you, resting a hand on your upper back. “Should’ve woken me up”, he mumbled, keeping hand there as he started digging in.

“Wouldn’t have made much of a difference anyway. Thank you for cooking”, you smiled, starting on your own plate.

The rest of the morning was slow, Javier proving to be very helpful as he rinsed your hair for you. There was nothing sexual about it, just simply wanting to ease things for you. You’d been okay for most of the week, morning sickness seemingly gone, but last night’s shenanigans got you good. On top of that your jeans didn’t button, stomach starting to protrude a bit more in your ninth week. Whether it was the exhaustion, annoyance or a culmination of everything at this point, you didn’t know, but you broke down into tears.

“Corazón?”, he asked, barging into the room, cupping your face in both hands. “What’s wrong, what happened?”

“I-I don’t know really, just my jeans don’t fit and – and”, you couldn’t speak anymore, just crying it out, keening into his touch as his thumbs swiped the salty tears away.

He let go with one hand, bringing it down to the denim, softly inching it down your legs. “Weather’s nice enough today, why don’t you wear one of those long-sleeved dresses? Casual Friday was still a thing last time I checked.”

You huffed out a breathy laugh, hiding your face in the safety of his shoulder. “God Javi, I’m such a mess. Are you sure you wanna move in with this?”, you asked half-joking.

“Stop that”, he groaned, lifting your chin to tangle his lips with yours. “You are the most gorgeous, smart, funny, beautiful, passionate and sexy woman I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting. Now put on that cute dress or I will throw you onto that bed and make sure you know just how riled up you get me.”

You kissed the corner of his mouth, smiling as you did so, stepping out of your jeans before tiptoeing over to your wardrobe. He watched you as you slipped on the dress, fishing a pair of tights from your bottom drawer. You sat on the edge of the bed, rolling up the tights before slipping a first leg onto your foot, carefully hoisting them up, being mindful not to rip them with your longer nails.

In a passing motion, Javier vowed to rip them off of you later that same day.

 In preparation of new measures, you had to sit through another couple meetings and to say they were boring, would’ve been an understatement. You and Javier sat close to one another, Steve sat on the chair between the two of you. He’d noticed you were struggling to keep up, eyes drooping as the search block just went on and on. After about an hour, a break was announced, which was much-needed. Everyone got up as you remained seated, not entirely sure of what was happening, attention span completely missing.

Steve got up as well, leaving the room to fetch some caffeinated drinks for the three of you. But Javi stayed put, scooting closer as he cautiously touched your arm. “Hey, what’s going on?”, he hovered, spinning your chair around to face him.

You stretched your arms over your head, letting out a loud yawn. “’M just sleepy.”

“I know baby, couple more hours. Why don’t you take the couch in the office during lunch?”, he suggested, leaning back in his own chair.

“Hmm, wouldn’t be fair to the two of you, really”, you sighed, standing up to stretch your legs.

He stood as well, bringing you in closer to capture your lips in short-lived kiss. “Go walk around the office for a bit, it’ll wake you up. Steve’s bringing you some of that tea.”

“Thank you Javi, you’re a hero”, you praised, dragging him down for another kiss. “Be back in ten.”

You meandered your way into the restrooms, finishing up at the sink, dunking your tingling hands under the cold water. Once dry you put your cold hands up against your neck, hoping that the temperature shock would help you out of your drowsy state. It did to a certain extent, the icy cold feel of your fingers on your warm skin making you shiver a bit.

Fuck – you craved that sweet kickstart of coffee, but even just passing by the small kitchenette, the odour was too pungent, nearly making you wretch. You nose scrunched up in revulsion, you quickened your pace, hoping to get away before any nausea could settle in. It was then you felt the familiar hot liquid tickling down your chest, letting out a yelp as it scorched your tender skin.

“Shit – are you alright ma’am?”, an unfamiliar voice sounded.

You peeled the fabric of your dress away from you, to relieve some of the heat. “That’s gonna stain”, you joked, trying to divert your attention from the burn on your skin.

“At least it’s a memorable introduction”, he chuckled, dipping his head into the kitchenette to grab a hold of the tissue box. “Stechner, Bill, I’m CIA.”

You pulled a set of tissues from the box, stuffing these between your body and dress, trying to alleviate the two, creating somewhat of a barrier. As you dabbed away you told him your name, which resulted in a raised brow. “Am I wanted or something?”, you quipped, trying to rub some of the stains out of the fabric.

“You’re partnered with Murphy and Peña, are you not?”

“That I am, speaking of which, I have a briefing to rush to”, you laughed awkwardly, the look he was giving you nothing short of unnerving.

He gave you a smirk. “I do hope we run into one another again, ma’am.”

You shivered at the comment, hastily making your way back to the conference room. They’d already picked up again, conversation in full-swing as you cracked the door open, wordlessly retaking your seat. You got some looks, no doubt because of the huge stain on your front and wide-eyes.

You certainly didn’t feel sleepy anymore. The feeling now overtaken by one of discomfort and unease as your clothes clung to you, the tissues already soaked through. Steve handed you a cup of green tea, face contorting in confusion. You made a gesture of dismissal, it clearly not being the place and time for an explanation. But the meeting was cut short as Noonan was whisked away by her assistant, clearly a matter of urgency, if not emergency.

The two men directed their attention in your direction, tilting their heads almost synchronically. “Who the fuck is Stechner and why does he hate both of you”, you demanded, clearly not amused.

“Stechner? Oh that’s all Javi. Ya see, your sweet menace of a boyfriend has had some communistic tendencies in the past”, the blonde taunted.

“Murphy. Watch your mouth”, Javier warned, throwing his friend a death-glare.

Your mouth fell open in shock and something along the lines of amusement. “You slept with a communist?”

Steve and you shared a glance, both sputtering out a string of laughter as Javier just sat there, looking up at the ceiling. “That was years ago. Now cut your bullshit, both of you. Stechner’s just an entitled asshole.”

The two of you calmed down, catching your breath as Javier grew steadily more annoyed, giving you an angry glare. “Oh come on, at least let me laugh about your hook-ups!”

Murphy clapped Javi on his back, mumbling about getting back to work as he exited the room, leaving the two of you alone once again.

“Is that why you wanna get out of that apartment, get rid of the evidence?”, you continued mocking him.

He took a few strides towards you, placing a hand on the wall beside you, towering over you. With the proximity you could feel the soft tickle of his huffs on your lips as you stared up at him. “I’m warning you, hermosa, you don’t want to go there.”

Something about his tone made it difficult for you to determine whether he was being genuine or not. For fear of aggravating him, you decided to shut up and not press on it anymore. “Lo siento cielo”, you croaked out suddenly feeling very self-aware as he brought up his other hand to rest on the opposite side of your face.

He looked you over, gaze lingering on your dress. “Mi corazón, ¿te hizo daño?“ (My heart, did he hurt you?)

Words didn’t come to you, mind overtaken by his cologne and frankly how tempting his lips looked right about now. He cleared his throat, making your eyes dart upwards. “Yeah, yeah – I mean no! No! I’m fine.”

His lips were slightly parted as he indulged in the desperate look you gave him, fingertips softly stroking your neck. “Should probably change out of that dress”, he muttered, lips ghosting over yours, “unless you need some help.”

You couldn’t help yourself as you threw yourself against him, lips painfully colliding with his in a bruising kiss. His hands found themselves on your hips, drifting towards the curve of your behind. “If you don’t stop now we’re gonna get in a lot of trouble”, you cautioned, supressing a moan as his fingers squeezed your ass.

“Cierto.. pero quítate ese vestido, estás empapada”, he groans, slipping his hands under the skirt. (True.. but you need to take that dress off, it’s soaking wet.)

You nodded fervently, pushing your hips into his, panting: “Supply closet, spare t-shirts.”

With your hand held in his, he hauled you towards said closet, making sure to be quick, not wanting to attract unwanted attention. It had to be a quickie, unless you wanted the whole office to know. So you hastily slipped the dress over your head and Javi ripped your tights down, leaving a run or four in your hose. He forcefully shoved his trousers down his hips, taking himself out of his boxers.

You sat on top of some plastic bins filled with spare supplies, legs spread as he moved to stand in between them. There was no time to be gentle, only to take the edge off. He had to lean over a bit, notching himself at your entrance before slowly pushing, bottoming out. You let out a breathy whimper, which resulted in one of his palms clasping over your mouth. His strokes grew more and more aggressive, the need to be closer to you spurring him on even more. The muffled noises you made were enticing to him, almost as if you were begging him to keep going, show you just who was to be in charge. And so he did. His pace was on the verge of brutal as he drilled into you, the metal racks behind you squeaking and rocking along in rhythm with his tempo. When you head tipped backwards and your eyes closed he knew you were close. He moved his hand to replace it with his mouth, swallowing down the sweet, filthy sounds as you hit your peak, closing your legs around him, locking him into place as he came. His lips left yours with an audible sigh, his forehead resting on your collarbone as he caught his breath.

The two of you cleaned up in the small space, stealing kisses left and right. With every sweep of his calloused fingers across your bare thighs you felt your heart flutter. But eventually, after he found you a pair of joggers that wouldn’t fall off and a t-shirt that wouldn’t be too tight you got dressed.

“How’s it look? Everything you ever hoped for?”, you joked, showing of the baggy, nonchalant outfit.

He pulled you flush against his chest, smirking before embracing you. “Muy hermosa, corazón. You head out first, I’ll bring some lunch.”

With one last peck you left the closet, trying to act as normal as possible with your ripped tights and stained dress under your arm. The post-coital lethargy mixed in with the lack of sleep soon had you struggling to stay awake again. As soon as you plopped down in your rigid desk chair you felt the familiar heaviness settle in your limbs.

“Am I really that boring?”, Steve quipped, not looking up from whatever he was reading.

You straightened up a bit, rolling your shoulders. “Sorry Murph, didn’t really sleep last night.”

“I noticed you looking a little green earlier. Take the couch, I’ll move the boxes so you can lay down”, he offered, already getting up out of his chair.

“It’s okay really, I’ll just get another cup of tea”, you ushered, knowing fully well you were expected to type a whole report by the end of the day based off of someone else’s notes.

Steve walked over to your desk, snatching the notepad out of your hands. “You’re pregnant for God’s sake, go lay down or I’ll have Noonan send you home.”

After some more bickering you’d agreed to switch tasks and that you would be reading up on previous reports and strategy proposals while he’d type the report for you. But after barely three pages your eyes just shut on their own. When Javier came back about twenty minutes later, the folder, still clutched in your hands, laid on your chest, softly rising and falling. He nodded towards his partner, gesturing for him to come grab his lunch. Meanwhile Javier sat down on the end of your couch where your feet laid, carefully placing them in his lap.

“What the fuck do you do to her?”, Steve asked jokingly.

Javier took his lunch out of the plastic bag, replying without looking up: “I dick her down.” Later he added a quiet: “like you’re supposed to.”

When by the end of lunchbreak you were still out, Javier decided to stay put. With your legs resting in his lap he grabbed a hold of the folder on your chest, starting to intently read it. It was in that moment that Steve pulled the old polaroid camera from the bottom drawer, snapping a sneaky picture as the two of you just sat there, somehow entangled with one another wherever you were.

He put the picture in his top drawer, not wanting to interrupt your little moment as Javier rubbed small circles on your ankle, sunken in thought. Today would be the deciding day, and everyone was anxiously awaiting the government’s next move. Though they all knew in the back of their heads, that no matter the decision, it wouldn’t change shit.

It was just a little past one when the news got delivered, some fellow agent sticking their head in to tell them: Escobar’s deal was accepted. La Catedral would become a reality. Javier flung the files onto the ground, tipping his head back as he heaved a disappointed sigh. All those years of chasing, murder and devastating guilt just for Escobar to get away once again.

Steve took note of his partner’s annoyance and never related more. “We’ll get him eventually. For now, we take out the smaller guys. He might’ve won this one, but the fight ain’t over yet Peña.”

Javier rubbed his chin, the other hand still resting on your ankles as he tried to keep his cool. He just couldn’t stop thinking about everything he’d done, seeing the faces of those damn informants flash before his eyes with every blink. The shots he’d fired rang in his ears, making him gnash his teeth. His fingers wrapped around your leg in a bruising grip, only getting more and more forceful. You jolted awake, drawing for a weapon on your belt that wasn’t there, panting as you locked eyes with him. He promptly released his hold of your leg, instead moving to take a hold of your shoulders, steadying you.

“What happened?”, you asked, the scattered papers on the ground enough of an indication for you to know that there was something off.

His lips were pursed together in a thin line, eyes avoiding yours as you got up off the couch. “They agreed”, Steve explained.

Your mouth hung open a bit as you looked at your friend, crossing your arms in front of you as you gave an exasperated huff. “Of course they fucking did.”

 The two of you went home early that day, the car ride uncomfortably silent. You’d noticed the sheer rage and resentment in the way he walked. Without a word you’d taken the keys from him, climbing into the driver’s seat. He looked out of the window the entire time, not bothering to look at the road, or you for that matter. Whatever was happening in that brain of his had a vice grip on him and you weren’t sure if he’d let you help him out.

“Do you want to get some take-out?”

He whipped his head around to face you, noting the way your fingers flexed against the leather of the steering wheel. “What now?”

“F-for dinner. Do you want take-out?”, you stuttered, feeling small under his burning gaze.

A muttered “whatever” was all you were given, his eyes once again trained on the world outside of his window.

Not wanting to elongate the duration of the drive any more, you decided against it, knowing that you had some things left in the fridge. The walk up to your apartment was equally awkward and tense. But when his key didn’t immediately turn in the lock and he banged a fist against the wall, you knew what kind of a night it would be. You gently took the piece of metal from his hand, calmly unlocking the door before letting him in.

“Javi, baby, why don’t you grab a shower while I get dinner started?”, you suggested, setting down your bag by the door.

He kicked his shoes off, humming an agreement before shuffling off towards the bed- and bathroom. When you heard the shower turn on, you felt like you could finally breathe again. You’d seen him angry before, especially when dealing with sicarios first hand, but here, in private – in the comfort of the apartment, it was somewhat unsettling. You got out of the cupboards what you needed, and started washing some veggies while turning the tv on.

When he emerged from the bedroom, loose t-shirt and jeans, damp hair, you gave him a small smile. He pressed a quick kiss to your temple on his way to the fridge, pulling out a bottle of beer. “You smell nice”, you cooed, stepping closer to him as you reached for the glass of water.

“You’d hope so after using all of that bodywash bullshit”, he grumped.

“I’ve been reading up on those pamphlets the doctor gave me”, you started, turning your head towards him, “and it says the baby is about the size of cherry now.”

He gave you a look, shrugging his shoulders before walking off with his plate. “Not really in the mood for baby-talk.”

“Yeah, that’s fine. Anything you’d like to talk about?”, you tried, sitting down on the chair across from his.

He shoved a large bite into his mouth, hunching over a bit. “Nothing.”

You stopped trying after that, just finished your plate and got started on the dishes. Javier brought you his plate and went to have a seat on the couch. You rolled your eyes, scoffing softly, clearly not amused with his antics. I he wanted to be like this about it, then you weren’t going to stick around for it. So when all of the dishes were put away, you headed towards the bedroom, not bothering to talk to him.

Stepping into the bathroom, you locked the door, putting his soaked towels in the hamper. As you cleaned up the water on the floor, you ran a bath, desperately wanting to assuage your aching spine. You wanted to talk to him about, but knew better. If he wanted to talk he’d come to you about it – right? Or was he pulling some reverse psychology shenanigans, really just wanting you to talk to him? Your head was spinning by the time you lowered yourself into the warm water, a pleasurable whine leaving your lips at the contact.

Once the water got cold you got out, wrapping yourself in the fluffy towels you laid out before slipping into some softer pyjamas. You got ready for bed, seeing how you were still exhausted and treated yourself to the “nice-smelling-expensive lotion” for once. By the time you stepped into the bedroom again, door still slightly ajar, Javier was still in the living room. Seeing how it was not even seven yet, you concluded that it would be too early to go to bed and that you could catch up on some housework first. So you emptied the hamper and headed into the kitchen, basket under your arm, trying to get to the laundry room.

Javier looked up from where he laid on the couch. He was on his fifth beer by now, but craved something stronger. He reached for the pack of cigarettes on the coffee table, his need for relief overwhelming at that point. His fingers trembled as he went to light it, closing his eyes in relief as the nicotine hit the back of his throat.

You shut the washer’s door, punching in the right controls before heading back into the kitchen. As you walked into the living space again, you noticed the plumes of smoke trickling upwards. With your hands on your hips you cleared your throat, successfully capturing his attention. “Thought we had an agreement on those?”

“It’s just one”, he groaned, kicking his feet up on the coffee table.

“Take it outside then, you have a damn sunroof, balcony and shared terrace, plenty of options”, you tutted, not putting up with his attitude.

He turned around to look at you, raising a brow at you. “Will you stop bitching already? It’s just a cigarette.”

“In case you forgot, pendejo, I’m still pregnant”, you retorted, marching over to grab a hold of the pack.

He stood up, burning cigarette pursed between his lips. “The fuck do you think you’re doing?”

You yanked the balcony door open, throwing the pack over the railing. “You want your precious smokes, well go fucking get them.”

“Are you fucking crazy?”, he sneered, stepping out onto the balcony.

“I think it’s better if you go home tonight”, you said in a hushed tone.

He gave you an offended look, the smoke lingering in his breath as it fanned across your face. “Over a cigarette?”

“If you don’t want to open up to me then I can’t help you”, you explained, turning away from him.

His form towered over you as he stepped closer, chests nearly touching, a stern hand on your elbow. “Open up to you? And when exactly were you ever open with me? Because last time I checked I’m not the one signing a settlement because it’s convenient.”

“Let go of me”, you ordered, glaring into his eyes.

“You’re being unreasonable”, he pressed, grip on your arm tightening.

You tried to wiggle out, whining at the intensity of his grasp. “You’re scaring me Javier, let go”, you pleaded, voice shakier than before.

“You’re gonna listen first. You’ve been down here for two years and that’s barely anything. Compared to Murphy, to me, you’ve had it easy. Let me catch you up to speed, you haven’t killed anyone, you haven’t washed someone else’s blood off of your hands. You haven’t lost anything or anyone here. You, little miss perfect, have nothing to whine about. So when your boyfriend comes home after a rough day, let him have a drink and cigarette and maybe offer to suck him off.”

Tears had started forming in your eyes. This wasn’t the Javi you knew, even at his worst, this wasn’t the agent you were familiar with. It reminded you of that night where he showed up at your apartment, before he knew you were pregnant, when he fucked you and left. It made you feel sick.

“Who are you?”, you spat, untangling yourself from him. “I’m here for you every day, loving you, hoping to make you happy and this is what I get from you?” He didn’t say anything to that, just faced away from you. “If that is how you want things to be, then you need to leave.” Your voice started faltering, the emotion taking over. “I’ll be in my bedroom, if you want to talk whatever this out, then I suggest you join me and think about what the hell you need to say very carefully.”

His head hung low as you disappeared into the apartment, the sound of your muffled sobs stinging in his chest. He hadn’t meant for it to sound that harsh or condescending. He knew perfectly well what you had been going through both in and out of the field. Truth is, he was completely out of line and felt like a complete dick. It was a defence mechanism he had yet to get rid of. Javier wasn’t used to somebody helping him just because, that’s not the way things went here in Bogotá. There was always a catch, always something, whether it was money, power or information, there was always something.

You were his girlfriend, he knew that, he just wasn’t used to it yet. You telling him to leave the apartment – your apartment at that had angered him even more and made his reaction all the worse. He tried to take those vital deep breaths, trying to figure out a way to make it up to you. He remembered you complaining that your favourite ice cream flavour was always out in the store. So he got inside, put on his jacket and shoes and headed for the shops.

When you heard the door close, you cried into your pillow. It felt like a middle finger to the face and for a moment you thought that this could be it. This could be the time that he realised he wasn’t up for this. The following twenty minutes were the most painful ones yet. You thought you were hallucinating when the door cracked open again, shuffling out of your bedroom to see Javier standing in the doorway, plastic bag in hand.

“I – I uh, I went to get some stuff, so we can talk”, he stumbled, toeing his shoes off.

You cracked a small smile at him, beckoning for him to sit down on the couch with you. He grabbed some spoons from the kitchen before joining you. As he sat down you grabbed the tub of ice cream from the bag, eyes going wide. “Oh my God, how did you-“

“I asked them to set some aside last time we went”, he confessed, cracking the lid off for you. “Seemed like a good truce.”

You sunk the first spoon into your mouth, eyes rolling back as you moaned at the taste. “Well, you’re not wrong.”

He chuckled at the sight of you devouring the creamy goods, carefully scooting a bit closer. When you didn’t try to get away he slid an arm around you, pulling you against his chest. “Lo siento por lo de esta tarde. That was way out of line, I shouldn’t have said any of that.” (I’m sorry about earlier.)

“Shut up and try this ice cream, we’ll talk after”, you tutted, shoving a spoonful in his mouth.

The two of you ate the entire tub together, often interrupting the spoon shoving for a sweet, lingering kiss. By the time the tub was empty your legs were draped over his, head resting on one of his collarbones. He was just looking at you, tenderly caressing your cheek.

“I’ve done a lot of heinous shit just to get to Escobar.. so what happened today, it just set me off. It really shouldn’t have, I try not to let it come through when I’m with you but I slipped up.” You didn’t speak or interrupt, just let him say his piece while your softly scratched at his scalp. “I slept with those informants to get crucial information, intel that helped us a long way. But I also just slept with them to get everything out of my system. And then there was you and a month after we slept together I stopped seeing the other girls, even when they’d show up at my door. But there was this girl, a sweet girl really, that was so desperate to get out of here.. it didn’t end well and I couldn’t fucking protect her.”

“Javi, baby, look at me”, you cooed, shifting to straddle his lap. “That girl did what she thought was right, she wanted to escape. It’s not your fault, you did everything you could for her.”

He rested his head against your sternum, wrapping his arms around you to have you just that tad bit closer. “I’ve killed so many people, I’ve done so much fucked up shit.”

“Javier, you’re so much more than that. I adore you, I know you’re a good man. Good people do bad things, it’s the way things go around here. That day out in the small district, you nagging about my vest? You saved my life. And what we’ve got going on, us and this baby, it’s a good thing, something you deserve, Javier.”

He pressed a kiss to the left side of your chest, close to your heart. “You’re the one thing keeping me sane.”

“I try my best”, you chuckled.

“Stop being so amazing, I can’t take it”, he joked, kissing his way up your neck.

You grabbed a hold of his face, having him look up at you. “Javier Peña, I’m in love with you and all your quirks. But if you smoke one more cigarette in this here apartment, I will kick you out.”

Taglist: @pedritomando @peterhollandkait @ophelia-ingenue @radiowallet @phoenixhalliwell @diogodxlot @rosiefridayrogersunday @a-court-of-feysand-and-elorcan @asta-lily @the-bottom-of-the-abyss​

[itsjustmyfantasyroom]

New York Best Friend

This is my first fic for @thatesqcrush​ Holiday B!ngo: Naughty or nice

Pairing: Nick Amaro x Reader (I KNOW the pictures are of Miguel- let a girl dream)

Square: Holiday Party 

WC: 1904

Warnings: Smut

Enjoy x

Really you were killing two birds with one stone. You were getting out of Manhattan for a couple weeks over Christmas and you were going to spend some time with Nick while you were away. Liv had approved you for the two weeks because you worked last year, but you needed to be back in time for New Year’s Eve to work.  Even before Nick left you had a great friendship. He was a good man and you kept in contact more often than not. On your usual Thursday night face time you had given Nick the dates you would be in town. It had been just a week since you spoke to him last and he had started to grow a bread and moustache,

“Oh hey Nicky- I like the new look, you should keep it”

“You think?” Nick ran his hand over his hairy cheek

“Definitely- So I land on the Friday night”

“I have my work Christmas Party the next day” Nick said looking down at his calendar.

“That’s ok I’ll find something to do and see you when you’re not busy” You smiled at him over the screen.

“No you can come with me, I can take a plus one- you don’t get sea sick do you?”

Now here you were standing in your hotel lobby waiting for Nick to come and pick you up for his work Christmas Party. You looked at yourself in the big wall length mirror at your white maxi dress with a plunging neckline, long sleeves and a split to your mid-thigh. Your hair was pulled back in a low pony tail curled with very light make-up and black slides. You had just pulled the material on your breast’s over to adjust them into place when you saw Nick walk through the lobby doors in caramel dress pants, a white button down, navy jacket, moccasins with a beautifully shaped beard and moustache.

You spun around and your eyes met his, his big cheeky grin coming to his face. You both walked towards each other. You wrapped your arms round his neck, his around your waist and he picked you up slightly off the ground spinning you around. Nick placed you back down cupping your cheeks kissing your forehead a couple of times, his facial hair tickling you,

“I’ve missed you” Nick rubbed your cheeks with his thumbs

“I’ve missed you- LA has been good for you, you have style now” You reached up running your hand over his bearded cheek “Very handsome Guapo” You winked and chuckled.

“And there’s the smart ass I know and love” Nick put his arm around your shoulders as you started to walk out, you wrapping your fingers around his wrist of the arm on your shoulder “You look beautiful. Let’s go, the taxi is waiting”

The taxi ride over, although short was filled with a quick catch up and laughter. The taxi pulled up at the docks, Nick refused to let you pay and slid out, taking your hand in his helping you out. Nick rested his hand on the small of your back as you both walked down to the big white boat, the main entertainment area surrendered by windows, you could see the multiple Christmas tress’s set up around the tables inside and the disco lights jumping around.

“You must be Y/N from New York, we have heard all about you” A younger looking man walked up to you both shaking yours and Nick’s hand.

“I bet New York is beautiful this time of year” A younger women was right behind the other younger man grabbing your hand and pulling you with her, linking her arm with yours pulling you towards the boat. You looked over your shoulder at Nick who smiled and winked at you as you started to walk and talk with Nick’s female work mate.  As you got onto the boat that was already somewhat full, making your way around other work people, she pulled you straight to the bar to order you both a drink as the boat started to dock out slowly.

“Malibu and Pineapple juice please- tall glass” you smiled at the bar man.

“Oh same please. You have good taste. Isn’t Nick just so handsome- more now he has the beard” She nudged you in the side “He talks about you all the time, I guess that’s what best friends do right?”

You chuckled, “Yeah they do- Thank you” you nodded at the bar man who handed you your drinks.

“Do you think you could put a good word in for me? You’re his best friend, he will listen to you. He is just so handsome. I wouldn’t say no if he asks me on date or you know” she snorted.

You almost choked on your mouth full of drink. Nick seen your face and started to make his way over to you,

“I can’t promise anything but I’ll see what I can do” you squeezed her arm.

Nick came up next to you putting his hand on the small of your back,

“Everything ok?” Nick looked between you and his work mate,

“Everything is great” you smirked at Nick taking a sip of your drink.

“I’ll leave you two to catch up, must be hard living away from your best friend” She smiled at you and then looked Nick up and down biting her bottom lip.

You tried not to laugh sucking in your bottom lip while Nick looked at you stunned at what just happened. You soon forgot about what happened, making your way around the room talking and mingling with Nick’s work friends.

The drinks were flowing and dinner was delicious. You had just turned away from the bar with a new drink when the next song started to play;

‘I don't want a lot for Christmas There is just one thing I need I don't care about the presents Underneath the Christmas tree I just want you for my own More than you could ever know Make my wish come true oh All I want for Christmas is you’

Instantly your eyes locked with Nick giving each other a small smile. Nick made a bee line for you after excusing himself form the young man you had seen when you got to the dock earlier. When Nick got to you, he grabbed your hand lightly rubbing his thumb over the top of your hand,

“Fresh air?”

“Yeah”

Nick’s hand went for the small of your back again guiding you out to the empty back deck. Nick guided you around to the side of the boat leaning up against the wall looking out to the ocean.

“What was going on earlier?” Nick was watching as the water rippled as the boat rolled over it.

You started to giggle and took a sip of your drink “I found someone that wants you for Christmas- she wanted me to put a good word in for her. You’re in buddy- the beard gets the girls clearly” He grinned and shock his head, his cheeks going slightly red “If you want to go home with her, I can get a taxi back by myself” You smiled slightly.

“She’s a nice women- but” your eyes snapped to his “She isn’t what I want for Christmas and she isn’t who I want to be going home with”

Nick’s hand grabbed the back of your neck pulling you into him for a soft kiss. His lips so soft, a spark going straight to your gut. You both pulled away looking into each other’s eyes both smiling at each other. Nick pulled you back in by your neck again, wrapping his other around your waist. One of your arms wrapping around his waist and the other still holding your drink.

Your tongues exploring each other’s mouths, tongues rolling together. You let your hand brush down from his waist to his ass cheek giving it a squeeze pushing him into you. Nick moaned into your mouth, pushing his hips into you again, pulling back looking into your eyes,

“Follow me” his voice was husky. He grabbed your hand and pulled you below deck to the bathrooms, which were shockingly deserted.

Nick did a quick scan around the area before he opened the door pulling you in and shutting and locking the door behind you, taking your drink out of your hand sitting it on the sink. Nick grabbed your wrists and pinned them up against the wall above your head, his lips landing of yours again, his tongue rolling along yours. Nick was pushing his bulge into your thigh when he pulled away and started to kiss down your neck between your breasts getting down on his knees,

“Oh Nick, that beard- never get rid of it” you managed to get out almost breathless.

Nick chuckled, now down on his knees, moving the split of your dress aside so he could kiss up your inner thigh, starting at your knee. Nick started a trail of wet open mouth kisses up your leg, the feeling of his beard rubbing on your skin almost enough to make you come just by the feeling. Nick sucked in some skin as he got to your upper thigh pulling off with a pop.

Nick looked up at you with a big smile as you ran the back of your hand along his bearded chin. He wink leaning forward, hooking his finger on the edge of your white lace thong moving it out of the way. Your mouth dropped open, one hand landing on the back of his head as Nick run is tongue up the edge of your pussy lips, licking off your wet that had seeped out.

“Oh Nick” you moaned

“Quite mi Amor” Nick nipped your thigh.

Nick licked up your lower lips again, spreading them apart with his tongue, flicking your clit when he reached it. The small room was filled with sucking noses and your heavy panting. Nick sucked your clit between his lips, sliding a finger in, and then another. You felt the familiar feeling that your coil was about to snap.

You grabbed the hair on the back of Nick’s head tugging slightly, your other over your mouth to muffle your screams. You rolled your hips down on Nick’s face. You rolled your hips as Nick sucked in your pearl, his fingers hitting just the right spot all at once and you were squealing into your hand, your release so intense you had to remember to breathe.

Nick slowed down his licks and pulled out his fingers. He stood up, turning to face the mirror and grabbing some hand towels to dry his fingers and wipe his beard dry. You fixed up your panties and dress, stepping to stand flush with Nick’s back. Your arms wrapping around his waist, one hand moving down to his hard bulge in his pants, you started to rub him gently over his zipper, his head falling forward taking in a deep breath pushing his hips into your hand,

“Going to let me return the favour?” you kissed his clothed shoulder.

Nick spun in your hold, cupping your cheeks kissing you deeply. You melted into his body and whimpered when you tasted yourself on his tongue,

“You can mi Amor- but when I get you back to your room. You’ll be feeling this beard on more than just your thigh”

Tags: @beccabarba​ @the-baby-bookworm​ @permanentlydizzy​

[debbiechanclub]

Best Two Out of Three, Part 23

😁 I’m nervous.

Three more parts after this. @what-does-mine-say and I can’t promise it won’t end in total devastation. 

(Note: If you start reading this and are a little confused, you might have missed Part 22. I think a lot of people did. Click the link below to catch up!)

Best Two Out of Three

Part: 23/26

Pairing: Kenny Omega x OFC x Cash Wheeler and Adam Page x OFC x Matt Jackson 

Word count: 6.1k

Warnings: Language; angst; overwhelming heartbreak

Catch up on previous parts here.

Tag squad: @freshlysqueezedmox @gabbynorth98 @librathepheonix13 @irish-newzealand-idian-dutch @exe-sadboi-exe @comeasyoudar

Beep-beep-beep!

Matt’s alarm clock blared through the early Tuesday morning silence, waking Callie just as she was dozing off again. She felt Matt roll away to shut it off, returning them to quiet, and then he rolled back and wrapped his arm around her again, pulling her close. She let out a contented hum as she snuggled back against his chest. He’d already hit the snooze button twice, and she knew they had to get up soon. But she didn’t want to.

“As much as I don’t want to get out of this bed, we should really get up,” Matt said. His voice was husky with sleep, and Callie’s senses tingled as he nuzzled her neck and pressed his lips against her pulse. He slipped his hand underneath her shirt and traced his fingers over her stomach, ghosting over her skin. Callie grinned, her eyes closed.

“Someone’s up,” she teased.

“Fuck.” Matt rolled away and adjusted himself underneath his sweatpants. Callie bit back a laugh. She didn’t mind. Honestly, she liked knowing that she turned him on. It had been a while since she’d felt wanted like that.

She rolled over and rested her head on his chest, and he wrapped his arm around her and buried his fingers in her hair, messaging her scalp. She’d felt wanted last night, too. They’d ordered Chinese and cuddled in front of the TV until she’d started falling asleep, and then he’d taken her hand and led her to his bed, where she’d drifted off wrapped in his arms. She wished they could have another night together. But they had to go get on a plane.

“Do we have to go back to Jacksonville?” she asked as she rubbed his bare chest.

“Yes,” he chuckled and kissed her head.

“But I just got here.”

“I know. But at least we won’t have to turn right back around on Thursday.”

Callie frowned. On the contrary, she didn’t think that was a good thing. Because the longer they spent in Jacksonville, the more time she’d have to spend around Adam; and with whatever was going on between her and Matt… just the thought stressed her out.

“Are you getting your own room?” he asked.

“Yeah. Who else would I room with? You?”

She was being sarcastic. But he smirked. “Yeah. I’ll tell Nick he has to stay with Kenny this week.”

She scoffed. “That would go over well.”

He let out a silent laugh. Callie felt it rumble in his chest. “It’s alright. I’ll just sneak into your room.”

She looked up at him. “Who says you’d get anything?”

Matt didn’t answer. He hooked his fingers underneath her chin, tilted her mouth up toward his, and kissed her. Slow at first—but quickly needy. Wanting. Callie slid her palm up his chest and maneuvered so that she was half on top of him, straddling his thigh, tangling her fingers in his hair. He moved his hand to her backside, and she hummed into his mouth when he gave it a squeeze. She could feel him straining harder through his sweats. It sobered her up and she broke away.

“Sorry,” she sheepishly apologized. “I’m being a tease.”

But Matt shook his head. “Don’t apologize. I don’t want to do anything you don’t want to.”

Callie bit back a smile. Part of her did want to, but it was too soon. She appreciated that Matt understood that.

“Besides,” he added. “It’s not your fault you could just look at me and turn me on.”

Her cheeks flushed and she rolled her eyes. “Stop.”

“What? It’s true.” He reached up and brushed her hair away from her face, running his fingers over her brow. “You’re gorgeous. I’ve always thought so.”

He took her in, studying her features, and Callie’s heart did a little flutter. She could get lost in those eyes of his if she wasn’t careful.

Beep-beep-beep!

But then the alarm went off again. Matt let out a sigh and silenced it for the final time. “Okay, we really do need to get up now.”

They reluctantly untangled from each other, and Matt threw back the covers and climbed out of bed. “I’m gonna get in the shower. You want to join me or…?”

She smirked up at him. “Keep trying.”

He put his hands on the mattress and leaned toward her. “You know I will,” he grinned, and he gave her a kiss. He pulled away too soon for her liking and shot her a wink as he disappeared into the bathroom, leaving her wanting more.  

* * * * * * * * * *

Later that evening, Callie stood in her hotel bathroom primping her blonde waves in the mirror. She, Matt, and Nick had arrived in Jacksonville a couple hours ago, and she and Matt were going out to dinner—just the two of them. It had surprised her when she’d found out that Nick wouldn’t be joining them—and she was relieved Kenny wouldn’t be—but then she’d gotten nervous. Was it meant to be a date? Matt hadn’t said it was, but she’d put a little extra effort into her appearance, anyway. She wanted to look good for Matt, date or not. She knew that now.

He knocked on the door just as she walked out of the bathroom. She hurried to grab her purse and open the door. Matt’s eyebrows arched as she stepped into the hall.

“Wow.”

He wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her in for kiss. Callie returned it as the door fell closed behind her —but she quickly pulled away. “I thought we agreed no PDA?”

They’d agreed on it before they’d left for the airport: no handholding, no kissing, no anything in public—and especially not at Daily’s Place. Matt had pushed back a little, but he’d conceded for her sake. At least for the time being, Callie preferred that they kept whatever this was between them as just that: between them.

But if the look on Matt’s face was any indication, it would be harder to do that than she thought. “I know, but I couldn’t help myself,” he said. “Plus, no one’s around.”

He leaned in again, and she couldn’t help but give in that time. The danger of being caught only made his kiss that much more tantalizing. She had to fight back a moan when he tugged at her bottom lip as he pulled away.

“Maybe we should order in,” he smirked.

She pushed him away at that. “No! I took all this time to look nice for you. Thanks for returning the favor, by the way,” she quipped with a glance at his t-shirt and jeans.

He pursed his lips. “Please. You know I look good.”

Callie just shook her head, an amused smirk on her lips. He did look good, but she didn’t need to tell him that. His ego was big enough as it was.

They walked side-by-side down the hall, making sure to keep a respectable distance from each other. But Callie kept catching the scent of his cologne, and she didn’t want to keep her distance. He was right—there wasn’t anyone around. So when they stepped onto the elevator, all alone, she reached out and intertwined her fingers with his. Matt smiled and gave her hand an affectionate squeeze—but then the elevator stopped on the floor just below. The doors slid open, and they were suddenly met with Trent, Chuck, Orange, and Alex.  

Callie couldn’t pull her hand from Matt’s fast enough. Alex stared at them, her eyes wide and unblinking. Callie’s entire face went red. She prayed she hadn’t seen them holding hands.

“We’ll get—” Alex started to say—but Orange walked onto the elevator, unbothered. Callie rolled her eyes. Of course.

Trent, Chuck, and Alex all filed in after him. Callie stepped back against the wall; she felt Matt place a comforting hand on the small of her back. She gave him a tense smile.

The doors slid closed. Chuck cleared his throat. “Well this is awkward.”

“Well now it is,” Matt shot.

Trent’s brow lowered. “Where are Nick and Kenny? Are you meeting them somewhere? Or is it just you two tonight?”

Callie felt Matt tense next to her. “Why don’t you mind your business?” he returned.

Trent scoffed. “So just you two, then?”

Alex looked up at him. “Stop,” she mouthed. For whatever reason, it angered Callie.

“Why don’t you put a muzzle on your attack dog, Alex?”

“What?” Alex, Trent, and Chuck all said at once. The elevator arrived at the lobby with a ding. “What the hell is your problem?” Alex added.

The elevator doors slid open and Matt ushered Callie out. But she talked back over her shoulder at Alex. “Really? You sicced him on Matt for no good reason last week.”

Alex’s mouth dropped as the rest of them exited the elevator. She looked hurt. Callie didn’t care.

But Trent barked out a laugh. “Look, I don’t know what lies he told you, but Alex didn’t ‘sic’ me on him. I knocked out your boyfriend on my own.”

“You didn’t knock me out.”

“He’s not my boyfriend.”

Callie and Matt exchanged a glance. The corners of her mouth turned down. She hadn’t meant for that to come out so harsh, but it was true—he wasn’t her boyfriend.

“Awkward,” Orange commented.

“We don’t have time for this,” Matt breathed, agitated. “Sorry you’re still upset I told the truth about dear Alex.”

He started to lead Callie away again; but Alex spoke up. “You basically called me a slut.”

He shrugged. “Yeah. And?”

Trent started for him, but Chuck put a hand on his shoulder and pushed him back. “Dude, he’s not worth it.”

Matt scoffed. “Come on.” He reached for Callie—but then Trent said something unexpected.

“You want to settle this? Then give us a match. A mixed tag match.”

It was Callie who scoffed that time. “What?”

Trent shrugged. “What, scared you’ll get DQ’d again?”

Callie bristled. But Matt responded before she could.

“We have way more important things to do than wrestle a mixed tag match against you two clowns.”

“Yeah, like what? Screwing over Hangman some more?”

Anger rose in Callie’s chest. Trent didn’t know the half of what he was spouting. He didn’t know the pain Adam had caused her; he didn’t know how Matt had been there for her when she’d needed it most. Adam had done this to himself, and she told Trent exactly that.

“Hangman screwed himself.”

Alex’s lips parted in silent shock as she stared back at her. But Callie held her chin high. She was done feeling guilty and sorry for herself.

Matt smirked. “What she said,” he added. And as he led Callie away from them and out of the hotel, she looped her arm through his and hugged herself close, not caring who saw.

* * * * * * * * * *

Alex knew it was probably a bad idea to try to talk to Callie. A lost cause, even. But after their run-in at the hotel last night, she had to try. She doubted they’d ever be friends again—things had gotten too messy, too personal—but she hoped they could at least come to an understanding. She hadn’t meant for any of this to happen. If nothing else, she hoped Callie could see that.

Colt had told her he’d seen her in catering. Alex spotted her sitting alone at a table in the corner. She crossed the room, pulled out the chair opposite her, and sat down. “We need to talk.”

Callie gave her a hostile look. “There is nothing we need to—”

“I’m sorry, okay?”

That stunned her into silence; she obviously hadn’t expected an apology. But she didn’t push back, so Alex went on.

“I can’t imagine how much this entire situation has hurt you, and I’m sorry. But I need you to know that none of it was intentional. I swear. I was completely blindsided when—”

She cut herself off, instantly filled with regret. She’d put her foot in her mouth. That last thought had come out like stream of consciousness and she didn’t want to finish it. But judging by the dark look on Callie’s face, she’d already figured out exactly how it would go.  

“When what?” she pressed.

Alex frowned. Her voice came out quiet; ashamed. “When Adam told me how he felt.”

Callie let out a breath. She looked down at her nearly empty plate. “So he’s told you now.”

The weight of that statement was crushing. The truth of Adam’s feelings wasn’t just speculation anymore—it was fact. Alex fumbled to recover. “Not in so many words but… I had no idea, Callie.”

“Oh please, Alex,” Callie spat. “A blind man could see that Adam’s in love with you.”

Her chair scraped loudly against the floor as she abruptly stood from the table and snatched up her plate. Alex jumped up to follow. “Come on, he’s not in love with me,” she insisted. But she wasn’t sure she believed it herself.

“I’m done with this conversation,” Callie returned. She dumped her plate in the trash can and made a beeline for the door. But Alex wasn’t done with the conversation.

“Well you should know that I rejected him,” she said as they crossed into the hall. Callie scoffed.

“Oh what, afraid there won’t be enough of you to go around if you add Adam on top of Cash, Kenny, and Trent?”

Alex’s brow lowered. “Trent? And fuck you, Callie. I’d expect a dig like that from Matt, but not you.”

“Stop attacking Matt.” She halted and whirled around to face her. “He was there for me when no one else was.”

The anger in her eyes struck Alex frozen. She didn’t know what to say. She knew what she wanted to say. She wanted to say that she would have been there for her if only she’d said something. But of course Callie hadn’t said anything to her. Alex was, in part, the cause of all this, even if she hadn’t known it. She couldn’t have been there for Callie, even if she’d wanted to be.

“I didn’t want any of this to happen,” she said.

Callie’s eyes darkened. There was no belief in her expression, no hope of forgiveness, not even a glimmer of it. Alex had thought right—this was a lost cause.

“Well that didn’t keep it from happening,” she bit, and when she turned and walked away that time, Alex let her go.

* * * * * * * * * *

Alex had wanted to go out with Chuck and Trent for their match against Santana and Ortiz, but they’d both told her no; their feud had been too brutal and too personal and they didn’t want to put her in harm’s way. It had annoyed her—she felt like they were treating her with kid’s gloves because of everything with Matt and Callie. But the longer she watched from backstage, the more she started to think they’d made the right call.

Santana and Ortiz had jumped them on the ramp as they’d walked out. Alex had watched through her fingers as Ortiz had choked Trent with a rolled-up t-shirt; she’d cringed when Santana had thrown Chuck from the stage into a structure of steel chairs that he’d built himself. He still hadn’t recovered by the time the match had officially started, and Trent was left to fend for himself. Somehow, he’d managed to hold his own—until he tried to hit Santana with a spear outside the ring. Santana leapfrogged over him and Trent went crashing into the steel barricade. Alex covered her eyes again. She didn’t know how much more of this she could watch.

“Now Chuck Taylor makes the tag!” Excalibur proclaimed.

She looked back at the TV. Chuck started clearing house, and after sending Santana and Ortiz both outside the ring, he launched himself over the ropes and hit a picture-perfect tope con giro. He threw Santana back inside the ring, followed up with Sole Food and the Falcon Arrow and went for the cover—but Ortiz jumped from the turnbuckle and broke up the pin.

“Fuckin’ A,” Alex breathed.

Not wasting any time, Chuck hit Santana with a Sunset Flip powerbomb right into another pin attempt, but Santana kicked out. Trent tagged in after that. He rebounded off the ropes and caught Santana with a bicycle knee strike. Alex wrung her hands in front of her, hopeful that the tides were finally turning in Best Friends’ favor. But when Trent climbed through the ropes onto the ring apron to follow-up with more offense, Ortiz held his legs so that he couldn’t move. Santana charged. He shoulder-checked Trent and sent him flying back-first square onto the steel steps outside the ring.

“Fuckin’ A,” Alex repeated. At this point, she had half a mind to go out there with a steel chair, a kendo stick, something. She had a feeling Santana and Ortiz had another dirty trick up their sleeve, and it would only be a matter of time before they pulled it out.

They threw Trent back into the ring. Santana tagged in Ortiz. They set up for the Street Sweeper, but Chuck pulled Santana down from the turnbuckle and sent him bouncing off the ring apron. Trent reversed Ortiz’s hold and hit a Crunchie. He covered him—but he was too close to the ropes. Santana revived himself to put Ortiz’s arm on the bottom rope just in time, and the ref broke the count.

“Seriously?” Alex ran her hands through her hair, watching in frustration as Santana grabbed Chuck and tossed him over the barricades into the crowd. Then he crouched down next to the ring. He slipped his hand behind the apron and grabbed something.

“No,” Alex said to herself. In the ring, Trent tried to pick up Ortiz for a powerbomb, but he couldn’t lift him for the pain in his back. Ortiz escaped him and pushed him toward the ropes—and then Santana flicked open that retractable baton and cracked Trent right in the spine. The ref didn’t see it.

“Fuuuuck.”

Santana tagged in. Ortiz picked up Trent. They hit the Street Sweeper. Santana hooked Trent’s leg, and that was it.

Alex didn’t want to sit backstage any longer. She hurried to Gorilla and went through the tunnel and down the ramp. She shot Santana and Ortiz a glare as she passed them and ducked through the ropes. They smirked and talked shit, but she ignored them as she knelt next to Trent on the mat.

“Hey, are you okay?”

He didn’t look thrilled to see her. “What’re you doing out here?” he groaned.

She just pursed her lips and helped him sit up. He was obviously in pain. Chuck rolled into the ring and they both helped Trent to his feet.

“What happened?” Chuck asked.

Alex glowered at the retreating backs of Santana and Ortiz. “Santana hit Trent with that baton of his. Bryce didn’t see it.”

“Fuck,” Chuck breathed.

They all exited the ring and went back up the ramp. Trent leaned on Alex’s shoulders and she wrapped her arm around his waist for support as they walked slowly back through the tunnel. Gorilla was full of people when they returned backstage. An eight-man tag match was next, pitting SCU and Private Party against Jurassic Express and the Young Bucks; the winning teams would face each other that Saturday at All Out. Alex noticed Matt and Nick out of the corner of her eye, but she ignored them. Unfortunately, Matt and Nick didn’t give them the same courtesy.

“Sucks losing unfairly, doesn’t it?” Nick smirked.

Alex shot him a venomous glare. “Mind your business, Nick.”

Matt let out a laugh. “Oh, that’s rich.”  

“Alright, seriously,” Chuck spoke up. “I’ve had enough of your bullshit and I wasn’t even there when Trent knocked your ass out.”

“He didn’t knock me out,” Matt insisted again.

Alex scoffed. “Yeah he fucking did.”

He turned his glare on her. “Why don’t you go get bent, Alex? It’s what you’re best at.”

Trent pulled away from her and walked threateningly up to Matt. Nick stepped between them, but he completely ignored him. “I thought I warned you about saying anything to her ever again.”

Matt nodded. “Yeah, you did. But you didn’t do shit about it last night, and you won’t do shit about it now.”

“Try me,” Trent challenged.

A cruel, cocky smirk curled Matt’s lips. “Alex is a sl—”

Trent lunged for him, but Nick pushed him back. Chuck ran over and grabbed Nick, spun him around and tossed him away, and with the coast clear, Trent speared Matt into a stack of equipment crates with a violent crash. The four of them starting brawling, throwing fists left and right, but the chaos was short-lived. Jurassic Express pried apart Chuck and Nick while SCU did the same for Trent and Matt. The latter pair fought tooth and nail to get back at each other.

“You want your mixed tag match?” Matt shouted as he strained against Kazarian’s grip. “You got it, next Wednesday. And I’ll make sure I knock you the fuck out.”

“You’re on,” Trent spat. “But trust me: you won’t even get the chance to try before Alex makes your girl tap.”

He shoved Scorpio off him, and he, Chuck, and Alex backed out of Gorilla, the gauntlet officially thrown.

* * * * * * * * * *

By the time Kenny asked FTR if their whole plan had been to “bamboozle” him while he was out there by himself, Adam had decided he’d heard enough. He made his way through the halls toward the ring, his AEW World Tag Team Championship in one hand, his whiskey glass in the other. He appeared on the entrance stage just before a fight could break out.

“Yeah, Adam, come on!” Dax taunted when he saw him. “It’s the great Adam Page, everyone! It’s the big superstar! It’s the cowboy hero! Everyone give him his welcome!”

Adam glowered at Tully as he passed him by. “Stay the fuck out of my way,” he muttered to him. He ducked into the ring. And then he fixed his red, watery eyes on FTR.

“We’ve been waiting to hear from you, Adam!” Dax went on, talking loudly and forcefully into the mike. “Why don’t you go ahead and tell Kenny, why don’t you explain to him who got in your head? Go on! Explain to him who made you do the things you did! Tell him what you told us last week at the bar—tell him who made you turn on your best friends so you wouldn’t have to have a rematch at All Out. Tell him who pushed your girlfriend into the arms of another man.”

Adam bit down on his jaw. Dax fixed him with a dark, unforgiving stare.

“Because it wasn’t us,” he said, pointing between himself and Cash. “In fact, it wasn’t anybody. It was you.”

Adam’s vision went blurry. He had told them that in confidence last week. He knew he’d done this to himself. He knew he’d pushed Callie away. He knew he’d thrown the Young Bucks’ gauntlet match not only to get revenge on Matt, but because he felt—he knew—they were better than him. But he’d told them that in confidence. They were supposed to be his friends.

But now, Dax was unrelenting. He looked at Kenny. “Listen, you’ve known him for four or five years. I’ve known Adam Page his whole career, and his whole career he’s been nothing more than an insecure little boy.”

Adam stood up straight, took a step closer to Dax. But he didn’t stop.

“And that’s the thing—you got in your own head. We did nothing! We didn’t have to talk to you at all—you got in your head. So tell him! Explain to Kenny! Explain to him how you’re so egotistical, how you’re so egocentric all you do is care about yourself! Tell him, Adam, how big of a piece of shit you are!”

Kenny immediately stuck out a hand to hold Adam back. It only made him angrier. He stumbled toward Dax, but Kenny pushed him back harder, flinging his title from his grip and throwing his own to the mat. Adam glared at Kenny, right in his face. Kenny shoved him again.

“They’re trying to get in your head again!” he told him, pointing at his own temple. “They’re trying to get in your head again! Don’t listen to ‘em!”

He glared at him, jaw hard. Cash took the mike from Dax.

“You know what, Adam?” he said. “I think Kenny already knows how big of a piece of shit you are.”

Kenny looked back at him, hesitant. He shook his head, but he didn’t say anything. Adam didn’t know what to make of it. But then he saw Dax and Cash pick up their tag title belts from the mat. Adam rounded on them.

“Come on, put those down,” he asked. Not angry—defeated. “Just give ‘em back.”

Cash and Dax glanced at each other. They both held out the titles; but just before Adam could take them, they dropped them to the canvas.

Adam’s eyes connected with Cash’s as he ducked out of the ring. Even though Dax had been the one who’d berated him, Cash was the one he was most angry with; the one he was most hurt by. He never should have pushed Alex to him. He didn’t deserve her. Not in a million years.

He bent down and picked up the belts. He held out Kenny’s to him as he stood—but Kenny didn’t take it. He looked. Kenny was outside the ring, his hands on his hips. And then he walked away, disappearing into the back.

Adam couldn’t be out there a second longer. He slid both titles onto his left arm and picked his whiskey glass back up as he ducked out of the ring and moved back through one of the tunnels, in a daze. He brought the whiskey to his lips and took a drink. When he saw Callie’s distorted image through the bottom of the glass, he thought he’d imagined her. But when he pulled the glass down in a panic, he saw she was real.

She walked tentatively closer, a frown creasing her pretty face. “Hey. Are you okay?”

Adam’s brow lowered. Her false sympathy was the last thing he needed after what had just happened. “Don’t act like you care, Cal.”

He tried to walk past her, but she put a hand on his bicep. It tugged at his heart.

“I do care. I still care if you’re okay, Adam.”

She turned him to face her, stepping close, still hesitant. But then she took a chance and reached up and hugged him.

“You’re not a piece of shit,” she said.

Adam stiffened. But then he smelled her perfume. It was his favorite perfume of hers. It smelled like fresh cut roses. He relaxed and hugged her back.

Her hand went to the back of his neck, holding him, gently squeezing, and he buried his face in her hair. In that moment, things felt restored between them. Maybe it was the whiskey, but right then, he just wanted her back. And so, when she unwound her arms from around his shoulders and pulled slowly away, he caught her lips in his and kissed her.

It was tender, pleading. And for a second, she kissed him back. But then she abruptly pulled away like he’d burned her.

“Why would you kiss me?” she asked, just above a whisper.

He stared back at her, unsure what to say. “I’m sorry. I just—”

She cut him off. “We aren’t together anymore. You made that choice,” she said, and she turned and left him standing there, half-wondering if he’d imagined the entire thing.

* * * * * * * * * *

Alex was enraged. Murderous. She felt blindsided. Duped. Hurt. She needed to speak with Cash. Now.

She found FTR just as they were about to retreat into their locker room with Tully. She picked up her pace, her hands balled into fists at her sides. “Hey! Hey!”

Dax saw her first. “Here we go,” he breathed with a roll of his eyes.

She pointed a firm finger in his face. “Fuck you, asshole.”

Dax’s brow lowered. “Excuse me?”

“Alright, alright,” Cash put a hand on his shoulder as he tried to advance, but Alex came in hot.

“What the fuck was that out there, huh? Was that your plan from the get-go? To make Adam think you were his friend and then just shit all over him once he’d served his purpose?”

“It’s like I said out there, sweetheart,” Dax returned. “Adam did that shit to himself.”

Alex saw red. “You piece of shit snake—"

“Alex!” Cash gripped her arm. “Come on.” He pulled her away from Dax and around a corner. She wrenched free from his grip and pushed him away.

“Don’t touch me. Don’t fucking come near me.”

Cash held his palms in the air. “I know you’re upset—”

“Oh, don’t try to justify what you just did out there,” she bit. “Don’t try to justify the awful fucking things you just said to him.”

His arms fell to his sides. There was no remorse in his eyes. “Alex, you know better than anyone that Adam is his own worst enemy.”

The air seemed to leave Alex’s lungs. He might as well have punched her in the gut. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing; didn’t want to believe it. She’d thought she’d known Cash. She’d thought she’d known who he was. But now, it was like she was looking at a complete stranger.

“You sat across from him at the hotel bar last week and acted like you were his friend,” she evenly returned. “Like you had his fucking back.”

“He—”

“No,” she held up a finger, silencing him. “You tricked him. And you know what? You tricked me, too.”

Her nose burned. Tears stabbed at the back of her eyes. Her next words came out choked. Hurt.

“I can’t believe I was ever falling in love with you.”

Cash’s face fell. She didn’t give him a chance to respond as she turned and marched away, back around the corner, past FTR’s locker room, her vision blurring with unshed tears. She didn’t stop until she reached one of the lounges. She slipped behind the curtains and sunk down into one of the booths, let her head fall back against the cushions, and closed her eyes, pushing the tears out. They streamed down her face, silent. She was broken; defeated. She couldn’t take this anymore, not any of it. It was all too much.

“Alex?”

She wilted at the soft sound of Kenny’s voice from across the room. “Kenny, I just want to be alone.”

She opened her eyes. He walked toward her, his eyes just as soft as his voice had been. “You’re crying. I’m not just gonna leave you alone to cry.”

For whatever reason, hearing him say that only made the tears come faster. He sat down and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into him. She buried her face in his neck, gripping the fabric of his shirt in her fists, shaking.

“I’m sorry,” she muttered.

“What?” he hugged her tighter. “What are you apologizing for?”

“For leaving you for him. I shouldn’t have ever done that.” She pulled back and looked up at him, eyes shining, mascara smudged. “He wasn’t worth it. I’m sorry.”

Kenny frowned at her. “Baby…” he wiped the tears from her face and hugged her again. “It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not,” she shook her head against him. “It’s not okay. What he just did to Adam is not okay.”

Her body shook. He rubbed his hand over her back in slow, comforting circles. Alex hadn’t expected to say that, but she knew in her heart it was true. At the time, she thought she’d been doing the right thing. But Cash had tricked her. He’d tricked them both. She felt so, so stupid.

She pulled back to look at him again. Her voice wavered as she spoke. “You have to fix things with Adam, Kenny,” she implored. “Please. Even if you don’t do it for the sake of the titles just please do it for me. You’re all he has left.”

She searched his eyes, pleading. Time seemed to pause. And then he nodded, and she felt like the weight of the world had been lifted from her chest.

“I will, baby,” he said, wiping more tears from her cheeks. “I will.”

She collapsed back into him, and he hugged her tight. Alex wasn’t sure how long they stayed like that, but the tears had nearly stopped when Kenny spoke again.

“Hey.” He loosened his embrace and looked down into her eyes. “I’m not staying here in Jacksonville; I’m heading back home until All Out. Come with me. I know you said you need time, but… let’s get some space away from all this. Just you and me.”

Alex’s throat grew thick with emotion as she gazed up at him. She felt his arms around her, relished in their strong comfort. After the chaos and hurt of the last few hours—how awful Matt had been to her, how Cash had pulled the rug out from underneath her feet—after the heartbreak and stress of the last few days and weeks, Kenny felt like a safe haven. She wanted that; needed it. And so she tilted her chin up and kissed him.

Kenny wrapped her up again, drawing her as close as he could. Their mouths moved together, deep and slow, like it had been an eternity since they’d kissed. Alex tasted the salt of her tears on her tongue, smelled his cologne, felt the scratch of his beard against her face. She wanted all of him; she wanted to be anywhere but here with him.

They broke apart, breathless. He pressed his forehead against hers. “Is that a yes?”

She nodded. “Yes.”

* * * * * * * * * *

Later that night, Callie laid with Matt on the bed in her hotel room, her head on his chest, his arm around her as they watched TV. He’d asked her if she wanted some company. She’d told him yes, hoping that his presence would help her forget about the way Adam had kissed her back at the arena.

So far, it hadn’t.

“So are you sure you aren’t mad at me for making the match against Trent and Alex next week?” Matt asked.

Callie gave a short laugh despite herself. “Yes. I’m actually looking forward to it.”

“Yeah?”

She nodded. “You know she tried to apologize to me today? She claimed that she was blindsided by how Adam felt.”

“Seriously? What’d you say?”

“I told her to fuck off. Well, not in those exact terms… but basically.”

Matt chuckled. “Good. I’m glad you stuck up for yourself.”

They fell back into silence, and Callie’s thoughts turned inward again. It affected the atmosphere in the room. Matt could tell there was something on her mind.

“Hey.” He gently took her chin in his fingers and titled her face so that she looked up at him. “You deserve better than Adam, Callie. He didn’t treat you anywhere near how you should have been treated.”

He gazed down at her with those dark, captivating brown eyes. It wasn’t hard to tell what he was thinking, what was just on the tip of his tongue, aching to be said. But I would.

Callie sat up. She leaned into him, running her fingers over his chest. “Do you remember yesterday morning? In your bed?”

She didn’t look at him as he answered, focusing on her touch brushing over his skin. “How could I forget?”

“Well,” she started. “I want to.”

She flicked her eyes up to meet his. They somehow turned darker. Full of lust.

“Are you sure?” he asked.

Callie thought about it. She thought about Adam’s kiss, remembered how it had made her lips tingle as she walked away. She thought about what Alex had said to her, the revelation that Adam had actually told her how he’d felt, remembered how that had hurt her. She couldn’t reconcile the former feeling with the latter. And because of that, she needed to forget his kiss. She needed to forget him.

She nodded. “Yes.”

Matt smirked. “Come here,” he said, and he pulled her toward him and kissed her, and she let him help her forget.

[sincerelyreidburke]

A fic for day 2!

The 25 days of Kiersey continue! This is Thanksgiving-focused, but I wanted to get this one early in the countdown before Thanksgiving was too distant of an event. I’m counting this as a winter holiday.

For context, if you want or need it, here is a ficlet that will function as a faraway prequel to the events of the following fic.

In the summer between his sophomore and junior year, Quinn tours with a fictional production of a real Broadway show, Deaf West's Spring Awakening. I recently watched the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade and decided that Quinn Cooper needed to be in on that action. Here's what happened as a result.

Heaven forgive me, for it is LONG under that cut! I saw the opportunity for Quindo fluff in New York City, and I ran with it, my friends. Featuring Quinn’s tour friend Kyra (in person, finally!), some stereotypical NYC tourism shit, and, of course, the actual Thanksgiving festivities.

///

Playbill.com

November 1st

Summer Cast of Deaf West’s Spring Awakening To Perform At Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade

*

Tuesday

Kiersey, NH

 Technically, the official start of Quinn’s Thanksgiving break occurs at 1:15 on Tuesday, when his last class lets out. Walking across campus after he leaves the sciences building is, to be sure, a very freeing experience. But it’s not until he’s by the door at the house on Beech Street, with a packed bag over his shoulder and a train ticket in his pocket, that it truly feels like his break is beginning.

“I can’t believe you two are ditching out on Shaley Thanksgiving,” Ben tells him, shaking his head and mock-scowling, as he takes the keys to his Prius off a hook by the door. “After all I’ve done for you?”

Quinn smiles brightly, and offers Ben nothing but a shrug. “I’m sorry, Ben,” he hums, “but I’ll be thinking of you in spirit.”

“Wow, that’s so nice of you, Mini.” Ben puts a hand to his heart, with all the snark in the world still in his eyes. “It’s almost for a moment like you’re not ditching to go to the big city.”

Quinn hums contemplatively, then glances at the time on his phone. “Sebastián,” he calls, and hopes his voice travels up the stairs. “We’ve got to go! The train’s in twenty minutes!”

“Twenty-four,” corrects Remy, as he walks to the door to join them with his own bag in tow. “You’ve got time, Q.”

Quinn knows he does have time, but as they say in the theater, on time is ten minutes early. He smiles at Remy anyway, and sighs. “I suppose we do, don’t we?”

Remy shrugs. “The train station is, like, two seconds away.”

This is also true.

“You’ll have to forgive me, Ben,” he adds, while they’re waiting. “Goodness knows I’m grateful for your mother’s hospitality.”

“It’s okay.” Ben smirks. “On the bright side, this year you won’t have to deal with her being weird.”

Mrs. Shaley does say odd things, most of them thinly veiled discomfort about his existence as an openly gay man (Quinn, you are just so stylish! It must just be natural for you people), but Quinn is still grateful that she had him to her house last year all the same.

Remy, who is going home with Ben again this year for the brief break, looks to him now, and asks, “Will we see you on TV?”

Quinn smiles— he can’t help it— and dusts off his knit scarf where it’s wound around his neck. “I certainly hope you will,” he replies. “So long as the parade is on, I don’t see why you wouldn’t.”

“That’s awesome,” Remy says, with a smile of his own, and Ben adds, “I can’t wait to live-Tweet it and say I know you.”

He sighs into his hand. “Oh, Benjamin.” He’s about to call for Sebastián again— he did have the class that released the latest of all of them, so it makes sense he’s the last to be ready, but then again, he should have just packed last night— but before he can call him, the floor shakes with the unmistakable rhythm of him bounding down the stairs, and in another second, he’s joined them by the door.

“Sorry, baby.” With his backpack over his shoulder, Sebastián looks handsome enough that Quinn is willing to forget his previous punctuality stress. “I’m ready now.” He’s in his nice winter jacket, with the red scarf and matching hat, and he looks every bit prepared for the November streets of New York.

“Good,” Quinn says, simply, and fixes the way his scarf tucks into his jacket before he turns to nod at Ben. “We’re ready when you are, mister taxi service.”

“You’re an asshole,” Ben replies, “and let’s get outta here.”

The train station is only a three-minute drive from campus, and Ben and Remy drop them off there, with their own long drive to Providence awaiting them as they pull out of sight. Quinn feels as if he’s buzzing with adrenaline, with the excitement of the five days that lie ahead of them. Thanksgiving break may not be long, and in past years, it hasn’t been very eventful for him— freshman year, he stayed on campus, and last year at Ben’s house was nice but not particularly crazy— but this year is a whole new story.

This year, he gets a Thanksgiving break straight out of his wildest, most wonderful daydreams.

“Are you excited, cariño?” Sebastián asks him, as they’re waiting on the platform for the train, bundled up with their bags in the cold. Quinn feels like they’re at the start of a wonderful holiday movie.

“Of course I am.” He winds his arm up in his and remarks, “In fact, I can’t remember the last time I was quite this excited.”

Sebastián smiles. Under his knit cap, his curls are just a little windblown. Quinn has never seen a more handsome sight. “I’m excited for you,” he says, and kisses his forehead, and this is going to be the greatest school break ever.

*

Wednesday

New York, NY

 On their first full day in New York, Quinn has rehearsals. This makes sense, because the whole reason they’re in New York in the first place is so that Quinn can perform. Nando doesn’t even have enough words for how proud he is of him, and the performance hasn’t even happened yet.

Quinn is up bright and early Wednesday morning. He’s headed to the hotel convention center downstairs, where he’s meeting up with his castmates from over the summer for the first time since he left tour in August. Nando rolls over in bed— it’s still dark out— and smiles when he feels him a kiss to his cheek on his way out. He reaches out of the covers and feels around until he can grab Quinn’s hand in the dark.

He squeezes it, three times— their wordless way to say I love you. Quinn returns the three squeezes, kisses the back of his hand, and then turns to go, a silhouette in rehearsal clothes as he leaves.

The bed feels empty without him afterwards, but it’s still dark outside the windows of the room, so Nando falls asleep for another little while and dreams of 

When he wakes again, he has an interesting situation on his hands: time to himself, in the middle of New York City. He’s never been here before, but he’s fully prepared to become a huge tourist so he can visit some of the food spots he follows on Instagram.

At a respectable hour, he gets up, gets dressed, and does just that in Quinn’s absence. A few very successful dessert-for-breakfast experiences later, he heads back to the hotel to FaceTime Mama and his sisters.

“Can we watch him on TV?” Gabi asks.

“Is he gonna be on one of the floats?” adds Rosa.

“Well, not exactly on a float,” Nando tells them, “but yeah, you can watch him on TV! I don’t know when he’s on, but he’ll know, so I’ll text you guys later.”

“Wish him luck for us,” Mama says, with a warm smile, and Nando smiles, too. It’s not that often you spend Thanksgiving in New York, when your family is thousands of miles away and your friends hundreds, but it’s also not often that your boyfriend, the love of your life, your favorite person in the entire world, is performing at the Thanksgiving Day Parade, so. Y’know.

Nando didn’t know it was possible to be this cheeky with pride.

At noon, he goes downstairs to pick Quinn up from rehearsal. He’ll have a busy Thursday, what with the parade and everything, but for the rest of the day, their time is entirely theirs.

It’s kind of easy to tell where the cast people are coming from, because one of Nando’s various acquired skills from the course the two years so far of this relationship is being able to spot Deaf people in public. It’s really not hard. Just watch for flying hands!

That’s how he spots Quinn— leaving the convention area, among his fellow Deaf West people, or— Kyra, actually, to be more specific. Nando hasn’t seen Kyra in months, since July, actually, when he met her on their Phoenix Spring Awakening tour stop. Her hair is different— in space buns instead of her afro— and she’s wearing a bright orange sweater, which, if her Instagram is accurate, is right in line with her sunshine aesthetic. She was amazing on tour; she’s such a talented person.

She walks side by side with Quinn, and they’re moving kind of slowly because they’re turned halfway toward each other to talk. Their hands move a mile a minute, and Nando knows a good amount of sign, but can’t keep up with this rapid conversation.

Lucky for him, he doesn’t have to. Quinn and Kyra seem to see him at the same time— and Kyra signs something he does understand, with this huge, bright smile. Literally, her sign means cactus and S, but Nando knows that’s just his sign name.

He waves across the lobby, then signs back to her— sunshine and K, for Kyra, and she lights up even more. She runs the rest of the way over, and Quinn goes after her.

How are you? he asks, and Kyra looks so excited that she almost jumps up and down.

They get to hold a small conversation in sign, and Nando loves catching up with Kyra but sort of loves even more how Quinn smiles as he watches them talk, like he’s glad they’re interacting, and it’s just— it’s wholesome. It’s great. Kyra is great, and he’s just so happy for Quinn that he gets to see her and all his tour friends again. He was sad to part with them at the end of the summer.

Kyra’s mom is in the city with her, so they part ways when she arrives; Quinn has another brief and very fast sign conversation with her as she’s leaving. Nando figures it’s probably just ‘see you tomorrow,’ but you never know.

“Baby,” he whispers, leaning down to him as they start side-by-side toward the elevator, “you have to hear about the churro I found this morning.”

Quinn laughs, and looks up to him, winding his arm in his elbow. Nando thinks they were meant to fit together this way. It’s so natural, and so easy. “I would love to hear about that.”

“I took pictures and everything,” he says, then pauses to press the button and hail the elevator. He looks to him again to add, “But also, how was rehearsal? Can I take you out to lunch?”

“Out to lunch?” Quinn swoons. “You must be trying to get in my good graces.”

He pretends to pout. “Am I not already in your good graces?”

Quinn swats at his chest. “Oh, don’t be a drama queen.”

He kind of wants to point out that Quinn, rather than he, is the one who just got out of several hours of pro theatre rehearsal— but he guesses that would be telling him what he already knows. Instead, he grins and shrugs, then kisses his forehead. The elevator dings upon arrival. “I’ll take that as a yes,” he says, and they have a very good afternoon.

*

Thursday

 It’s absolutely frigid outside, and it’s six in the morning, and Quinn is having the time of his life.

He’s huddled on a couch with his castmates, in a trailer, waiting for the day to begin— though he supposes it’s already started, given his five o’clock wake-up call. He thought the tour was exciting, and truly, it was, but this is a whole other excitement entirely— being in New York, with so many performers all in one small place, knowing what lies in store for his day.

Life, he thinks, is maybe a dream come true right now. From coming here with Sebastián to getting to perform, there are so many things he’s grateful for, so many experiences he feels so lucky to have. This is no exception, as he sits in the trailer, with space heaters warming his feet and cast friends on either side. It’s like being back on tour, except this time, it’s one time only. He has to make it count.

And… yes. Quinn is decided. He is going to be completely obnoxious on Instagram today. To start it out, he nudges Kyra, who sits directly next to him, and opens the front camera on his phone.

Kyra lights up for the camera— she truly is the human embodiment of the sun, and Quinn is honestly a little jealous of how good and put-together she already looks at six in the morning. She’s wearing yellow earmuffs that sort of match the gold rims on her glasses, and she hooks an arm around his neck to lean into the picture. Her cheek is warm against his, and he laughs. On his other side, their friend Minji pushes into the camera, too, and flashes a heart at the camera with her thumb and pointer picture together.

Are you posting that? Minji asks, once he’s snapped the selfie.

He puts his phone down and grins. Obviously, I’m posting it.

He’s hunting for stickers to put it on his story when it becomes something of a ‘thing’— the various other friends and castmates around him realize he’s taking pictures, and then, right as he gets the selfie up on his story with a little turkey sticker, everyone is clustering for another.

Group shot!

Let us be on your Instagram!

Yeah, we need a reunion picture.

Hang on, he tells them, and laughs, then climbs up onto the edge of the couch. He faces them to add, I’m not tall enough for that, and while they laugh at his height’s expense, he rolls his eyes and opens his camera again.

Smile! he signs into the camera, and then clicks the button a few times so he’ll have options to choose from. This one should be a post, not a story, he decides. He thinks there are enough cast members in it to maybe send it to production staff. Not to pat himself on the back or anything. Really, he just wants to document these moments with his friends, while they’re all still in one place again.

Oh, you know what we should do? he says to Kyra, as he’s sitting down on the arm of the couch. A before and after picture, with costumes.

Kyra grins, and she nods. They did posts like that several times, over tour— a picture before you get costumed, and then the same picture but after you’re ready to go onstage. We should make a TikTok, Kyra says.

He laughs. Oh, goodness, he says, but he knows he’ll probably wind up doing just that. He has a feeling his social media will be quite alive and well by the end of the day today.

He wants to hold every part of this day in his memory, so he’ll never forget what this feels like.

*

It’s been three months since Quinn got to be Moritz Stiefel.

Though it took a lot out of him this summer, it’s a role he’s missed sorely, and he doesn’t usually get to go back to playing characters whose shows have come to a close for him. He supposes today is a bit of an exception, and, to be sure, he’s been excited for today since the very moment he learned this performance would be happening— but it’s not real, exactly, until he sees himself in a mirror, in costume.

He knows this version of himself, though he hasn’t seen it in awhile. His hair is mussed up, and the school uniform costume fits just as it’s supposed to, with a crooked tie and a tall pair of socks. He isn’t mic’d yet— that’s a step they’ll reach later this morning, with the sound technicians at the parade, and his hearing aids have been out for several hours; they’re tucked into his jacket pocket right now.

The mirror in the trailer is small, and he smiles at himself in it. He always likes this part, performing— when he gets to see himself as the character he’s going to be. Today, it’ll only be for five minutes— but five minutes of glory, on television, with his friends from the summer, and so they’re bound to be some of the most exhilarating five minutes of his life.

He doesn’t want to get a big head, but the fact that so many people will be watching… that’s a lot to take in. On the street, in person, Sebastián will be watching, too, and that’s something he’s very mindful of.

Kyra is putting flowers into her hair, at the small mirror next to him. He grabs his phone to wave it at her, and she grins, then signs for him to wait one second, so he does.

Just like old times, she says, when she’s done, and then lets him take their picture in the mirror. He sends it off to Sebastián first, then puts it on his steadily growing Instagram story.

It is just like old times. Quinn doesn’t want the day to be over, and it’s barely begun.

*

Of all the places he’s performed, Quinn has to say that the streets of New York City rank high.

The morning is a blur— move from place to place, let people tell you where to be, get briefed by tech people who know a lot more about what’s going on than he does. Comply, because that’s what you do. Warm up your voice. Take so many pictures that your phone starts to yell at you that it’s running out of storage.

From a distance, spot someone who looks an awful lot like your boyfriend on the side of the street. You can tell it’s him, because you knit that red scarf for him two Christmases ago. It’s his color, undoubtedly. Kyra signs his name at him from afar, but he doesn’t see either of you. Until you go on.

You get a little nervous, but you don’t have time to be nervous, because you’re on the move and you’re waiting to perform, and then— you blink, a rush of adrenaline, and it’s over.

And you just did what actors all over the country dream of doing.

There aren’t words for that in English or in sign.

*

Friday

 On Friday morning, when Quinn wakes up, it’s snowing.

He doesn’t realize it at first. He’s tucked beneath Sebastián in their hotel bed, waking from a sleep so deep and welcome it felt truly heavenly, buried between covers and warm weight. He opens his eyes to gentle, natural light in the room, a sure sign they slept in, and he blinks a few times before he realizes what he’s seeing in the nearby window.

Snow. So much snow, and falling fast. Goodness, it’s beautiful. The view isn’t bad, either; Manhattan is a sea of buildings, and this snapshot of glass is only a glance. The snow is so peaceful, coupled with the thought that they have nowhere to go, nowhere to be. After the dream come true that was yesterday— the parade, the performance, getting dinner with Sebastián and Kyra at some diner with no other patrons in the middle of the Thanksgiving afternoon— he could use to rest and reflect.

Quinn knows it’s cliché, but he truly does love this city.

He threads his fingers into Sebastián’s curls, and pulls his head close to his chest, and rests in bed while he watches the snow come down.

Some time later, when Sebastián has woken, he gets to spend a lazy, snowy morning in bed, and between gentle kisses, he tells him there’s nowhere else he would rather be.

*

Saturday

 “Can you keep up, baby?”

Nando knows a retort is coming before it even does, but he still grins when Quinn pipes up, from a few feet behind him, “Oh, you just mind your business, Sebastián; I am fine.”

As if to prove it, he closes the small space between them and skates up by his side. Nando knows that getting out on the ice and immediately taunting him was not practical, but it was entertaining, and he likes that Quinn’s cheeks are flushing now. He holds out his elbow, like a peace offering, and Quinn wraps his gloved hand up in it.

“You wanna take a winter stroll?” Nando asks him, with a wink down in his direction.

“This is hardly a stroll,” Quinn replies, in that know-it-all voice that drives Nando crazy in the best way possible. “It’s more of a glide,” he adds, and with that, they start skating along.

“That’s fair,” Nando replies, and tips his head up to take in the view.

He couldn’t spend any weekend even slightly related to the holiday season in New York City without going ice skating under the huge tree. Because first of all, it’s in every New York Christmas movie ever, and second, one of his and Quinn’s first dates was skating, and third, he fricking loves to skate, and fourth, this is his life, so there.

“This is breathtaking,” Quinn remarks, and that’s an understatement. There are enough lights on the tree to probably show up from space, and Nando has learned over the past few days how huge this city actually is, but being right here in the middle of everything just reinforces that truth. They skate along in the throngs of other people, which is part of the tourist experience, and honestly just makes it even better. Nando has seen this on TV so many times. He can’t believe he’s actually here. Pretty much everything about this weekend has been like some kind of dream situation where crazy things you imagine actually come true.

And speaking of dreams. He looks down to Quinn, and it’s, like, okay— cheesy, but the lights are all reflecting in his eyes, and he’s bundled in his scarf and peacoat, and he’s the prettiest thing Nando has ever seen. Including the giant tree. Including everything.

Quinn catches him looking. Of course he does. He smiles, rosy-cheeked and windblown, and hums, “What?”

“I love you,” Nando replies, and kisses him right in the middle of everything.

Quinn laughs out of the kiss. He stays tight on his arm, and somehow, they keep skating without falling. Nando thanks his hockey side for that.

“I love you, too,” Quinn replies, and his voice could block out all the noise of the whole city.

They’re the center of the world.

*

Sunday

Kiersey, NH

 The whole way home to Kiersey, Quinn sleeps on Sebastián’s shoulder.

It’s unintentional, but peaceful all the same, dreams full of memories of the weekend. He gets into his seat at Grand Central Station, slumps against him, and wakes to his gentle nudging hours later, so they can change trains in Boston. The next ride is shorter, but he rests again anyways, and the gray November day is dimming outside the train windows when he opens his eyes at the Kiersey station.

They walk back to campus— it isn’t far. Sebastián is holding both of their bags, and Quinn is holding nothing but his arm. It’s chilly, but bundled up, it isn’t so bad. With this boy, Quinn is so very warm. By the time they round the corner onto Beech Street, lines of student houses with warm windows stretching down either side of the familiar road, the sun has gone down.

On the front steps, Quinn pulls his hands out and looks up to him. He hasn’t had his hearing aids on in over twenty-four hours, and it’s been the most liberating and lovely experience. Before they re-enter the chaos of the hockey house and he’ll have to put them in again, he wants to sign him one last thing.

Thank you for joining me, he says, once he has his gaze. I love you so much.

Sebastián smiles. He puts the bags down by the door, rests both hands on his shoulders, and kisses him gently. No wintry breeze could stop the warmth in Quinn’s chest.

When he’s pulled back, Sebastián replies, I’d join you anywhere. I love you, too.

Quinn beams at him, and with one more shared, quiet moment, Sebastián picks up the bags, and Quinn leans into the front door and pushes it open. Hey, people! he reads on Sebastián’s lips, no doubt a loud exclamation, as they cross the threshold together. We’re home!

Home, indeed. Quinn closes the door behind them, and the warm, familiar, slightly chaotic embrace of Beech Street welcomes them back.

[bisexualsforprompto]

Guilt and Love Chapter 4

“So demon spawn whos this soulmate we’ve heard so much about?” Teased Jason at dinner. “None of your business Todd.” Damian replied curtly. Dick started to crack up, “He-he has Ladybug on one wrist! And a French girl on another!” Jason almost spat out his steak, “Two soulmates?! Damnnnn. When’d you get so smooth?” Damian rolled his eyes. “Well, not really smooth if one is an insect!” Dick continued chuckling. Jason joined his laughter while Tim stifled a laugh. Bruce decided his son probably had enough ridicule, “That’s enough boys.”

“Fineee.” Jason snickered until he was able to calm himself down. Damian picked at his food, something didn’t sit right with that blonde kid and he couldn’t stop thinking about it. He was barely paying attention to his family’s antics. He also couldn’t stop thinking about the Ladybug on his wrist. Some kind of superhero maybe? Damian stood up from his seat at the table and began to walk down to the batcave. “Where are you going?” Tim asked. “I need to research a certain blonde heathen.”

Turns out the blonde heathen was a model named Adrien Agreste, son of the famous designer Gabriel. Damian researched him for hours on end without avail. He recognized the presence of everyone who walked down to the batcave and when they realized he wouldn’t leave the computer he recognized their departure too. Damian couldn’t find anything all that helpful so he switched gears to look for superheroes named Ladybug. He didn’t expect to find anything but oddly enough there were thousands of hits, he clicked on the first site, a video clip.

“Don’t be bemused, it’s just the news! Nadja Chamack reporting live on the akuma Queen Wasp. Here are our heroes Ladybug and Chat Noir on the scene once again!” “Ladybug”...Marinette had also mentioned her Damian realized. She’d also mentioned Chat Noir, but as if he did something wrong… He quickly changed gears and searched Chat Noir. The post from the Ladyblog came up.

As of 2:27pm this Thursday Ladybug has confirmed that Chat Noir is no longer coming to fight akumas. Did our dynamic duo have a falling out? Stay tuned! Alya, Ladyblogger out!

‘Interesting’, Damian thought. ‘Marinette called that kid Chat. Maybe there is a correlation.’

“Damian it’s three am.” Dick said as he walked over to the boy at the computer. “And?” Damian asked, eyes still glued on the screen. “And don’t you want to be well-rested for your little coffee date tomorrow?” Damian narrowed his eyes at his brother, “How did you know about that?” Dick punched Damian in the arm playfully, “Hah you’re not denying it’s a date. And I may have overheard…” Damian scowled, “Overheard or eavesdropped?” “Who can say really?” Damian growled, “I can’t believe you.”

“Don’t change the subject. Come on you have to sleep.” Damian rolled his eyes, “I’ll sleep when I’m dead.” He continued scrolling trying to learn about Chat Noir and Ladybug. “Hey that’s my line!” Tim said as he rushed into the room with coffee in hand. “First Grayson now Drake, you just keep multiplying.” Dick picked Damian up much to his chagrin, but he was too tired and Dick was far too much bigger than him so he squirmed until he realized he wasn’t going to win this battle. Dick threw him over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and carried him to his room.

Dick threw his adopted brother on his bed, “Stay.” “Not a dog Grayson!” Dick chuckled, that statement was the last thing to come out of Damian’s mouth before he drifted to sleep.

Damian woke up to the sound of his phone ringing, it was 8:30am, he should’ve woken up awhile ago. He answered the phone groggily, not checking the caller ID. “Yes?!”

“Oh my gosh! I’m sorry did I wake you up?!” Asked a panicked girl with a heavy French accent on the other end. “Marinette? No, no sorry. What were you calling about.” He perked up a little. “I was just calling to see when you wanted to go for coffee.” Damian winced when he remembered the time, “Maybe make that brunch. How about 10?” Damian could practically see Marinette’s grin over the phone in her answer, “Sounds amazing! Where would you like to meet?” Damian was a little groggy but he still wanted to treat Marinette well, as she should be treated, “Can I have the address of your hotel? I can pick you up and take you somewhere. Maybe give a small tour of Gotham since you haven’t been here before.” He wasn’t nervous for her response, no way. He wasn’t afraid she was going to yell at him for asking for the place she was staying, absolutely not. It was ridiculous to imply such a thing.

“Sounds perfect! I’ll send you where I’m staying!” Marinette exclaimed. Damian let out some breath he didn’t realize he was holding. “Perfect, I’ll be there at 10 sharp.”

~~~~~~~

Marinette brushed her hair once more for good measure. “Can you imagine Tikki?! He’s so chivalrous, he’s picking me up!” She sighed dreamily as Tikki giggled. “I hope you enjoy the date Marinette, you deserve it!” Marinette grinned as she took her purse and walked out of her room.

~~~~~~~

“Oh Marinette where are you going?” Asked Lila with a sickening sweetness. “None of your business Lila.” Lila faked sniffling and Marinette turned around, prepared to tell her off but then saw her surrounded by the whole French class. They were not happy, even Adrien who was normally impartial. “Are you going off with that Wayne kid?” Adrien asked stone faced. “So what if I am?” Marinette asked her ex partner. He ran after her and dug his nails into her skin, “Don’t leave. He’s bad news.” Marinette struggled, “Let go of me Adrien!”

“You heard the lady.” Said a voice causing Adrien to jump back. There in full glory stood Red Hood, Nightwing, and Red Robin. “W-what are you doing here?!” Squeaked the model. The class gawked at the heroes before them. Dick wanted to say they were here to check on their newest member of the family, but he figured Damian would not appreciate them giving away their identities. “That’s not important, but what is important is not touching a girl when she says no. And what’s important is not just standing by and letting it happen!” Jason, the hothead he was, yelled at the class. The class fled tails between their legs out of the lobby.

Marinette smiled, “Thank you. That was much appreciated! So I’m guessing Robin told you I’m his soulmate…” Marinette was a little surprised, Robin had seemed so...Not like the others. If he teammates were kind maybe he wasn’t so bad after all. “Wait, wait you met Robin?” Marinette gave them a confused look, “Uh yes…” Nightwing stood in shock, “Do you know his identity?” Marinette shook her head, “Of course not. Believe me I know how important secret identities are.” Nightwing stood in a stupor just like his brothers, this meant she had two names on her wrist like Damian. ‘Could this mean Marinette was Lad-‘ Nightwing’s head started to pound. ‘What was I thinking about? I can’t remember.’

Damian walked into the lobby of the Wayne hotel, when he saw his brothers in costume talking to Marinette he immediately regretted telling them where she was staying. Damian gave them the death stare as Marinette skipped up to him. Nightwing gave him a look, it said ‘I need to tell you something.’ Damian nodded at the silent communication and headed out with Marinette.

~~~~~~~

“So Damian I need to tell you something.” Marinette fidgeted with her fork not looking her soulmate in the eyes. She felt so bad that she hadn’t immediately told him that she had two soulmates. A loud ringing made Damian fall out of their engrossed conversation. He checked his phone and almost gasped, “I’m sorry, Marinette but I really have to go. To be continued?” Marinette nodded, although she was enjoying his company she was nervous to tell him about her second soulmate. “I’m going to call my butler to pick you up.”

“B-butler?!” Marinette exclaimed. Damian gave her an odd look, “Uh yeah…” The pieces started to click in Marinette’s mind. She hid her face in her hands, “Oh my god you’re that Damian Wayne!” She banged her head on the table. Damian almost chuckled, although it was refreshing to know his soulmate was sweet to him without knowing he was rich. “I’m going to have to take the car I drove you in, but Alfred will be around soon. Let’s do this again soon Marinette, if you’re available, of course.” Damian said shyly. Marinette nodded as she stifled a blush. ‘She’s kind of adorable’ Damian mused as he left the café. He checked his notification from his father once more, it simply read “Killer Croc”. Damn it why couldn’t Damian just live in a normal city?!

~~~~~~~

Croc wasn’t all that difficult, especially not with him, his father and all his ‘brothers’ there to help. What was difficult was explaining to his brothers that he never met Marinette as Robin.

“I’m telling you Grayson, the only time I’ve ever seen Marinette was as Damian.” He protested. “But baby bird, if that’s true that means your soulmate was lying about meeting Robin!” Dick said, millions of warning signals going off in his head. Damian shook his head, “Or it means she met somebody she thinks was Robin. Drake pull up the security footage from Marinette’s hotel, specifically last night.”

Tim pulled up the feed and Damian scowled, oh how heads were going to roll...

Taglist (y’all know how this goes):

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[iwritesickfic]

1/2 Aaaaah I’ve fallen quickly in love with your writing, I love your style. A couple of prompts, since you asked for them: Peter thinks he’s recovering from a bad illness- genuinely so fed up of being ill that at this point he’s willing to pretend to himself and everyone else he’s feeling better. Meanwhile he’s still staying up late working, and one day he gets stuck in the rain on the way from class and needs some help... and Ashlyn is closest...

First, thank you!!!!!! Second, this is long as hell and I also got sucked into the DRAMA of it all so I hope you still enjoy it :) might write a second part if we’re feeling it? anyway, enjoy and thanks for the kind words and prompts :)

It seems like it’s been forever since Peter hasn’t felt like shit. It’s like his body is trying to make up for all the years he spent avoiding every cold and flu that went around. He has to admit though, the main reason he’s still ill is because he won’t really give himself the time to fully recover. As soon as he’s feeling halfway decent, he dives back into life as normal - which for him, is 6 hours sleep and living on coffee - and within a week he’s back to being practically bedridden.

Leo is fed up with it. Big time. At least that’s what Peter’s gathered. Leo’s never said as much, but Peter figures he must be getting tired of it by now. So much that Peter’s stopped telling him how he’s feeling. At first it was just lying by omission. Now it’s lying-lying.

Today, everything’s concentrated in his head. His sinuses are throbbing, and his eyes hurt to move. He’s been swapping between chills and feeling too hot all day, and he’s pretty sure everyone in his lecture class hates his guts for his constant sniffling. He ran out of tissues about an hour into the six hour course, so he’s stuck wiping his nose with the crumpled leftovers and the few napkins he finds in a pocket of his bag.

By the time there’s only an hour left in class, he’s lost all ability to absorb anything the professor is saying. He’s shaking so badly he can’t take notes even if he wanted to. He’s considered leaving early, but to be honest, he’d rather put off his walk to the train as long as possible. He decides when he gets home, he’s chugging some nyquil, taking a cold shower, and going the fuck to sleep. He’s got a date with Leo tonight but he’ll need to make some excuse.

When the professor finally ends the class, he gets a rush of dopamine at the thought he’s only a 15 minute walk and a 30 minute train ride from some relief.

He stares at his phone, trying to think of something to tell Leo.

something came up, can i see you thursday?

Leo texts back almost immediately.

we already rescheduled twice are you sure you cant make it?

Peter bites his lip.

it’s a thesis thing. im sorry i promise thursday night.

He starts to pack his bag, and his phone buzzes.

ok, good luck love x

He pushes down the wave of guilt he feels and slings his bag over his shoulder. His heart drops into his stomach when he gets to the building’s lobby. It’s raining. Really raining, not just drizzling, but pouring. He swears, and sits down on one of the benches. He can wait.

Ten minutes later, the rain still hasn’t let up, and he knows if he doesn’t get up now he’s going to end up asleep on this bench whether he likes it or not. When he stands, the world starts to spin, and he has to bite back a whine at the way his headache worsens.

He pulls his hood on, even though it won’t make much of a difference, and takes a step outside. It’s not even five minutes before he’s soaked. At first, the rain almost felt nice on his fevered skin, but now he’s freezing. The cold’s worsened the way his nose is running, there’s mess all over his upper lip, and he can’t stop sneezing. His hair is stuck to his forehead, water gathered in his eyelashes. It’s another five minutes before he realizes he’s not getting to the train. His knees give out, and he has to catch himself against a bus shelter. He manages to make it to the bench inside, and sinks down, hyperventilating. He looks around aimlessly, hoping something will catch his eye and give him some semblance of a plan. And it does.

He’s on 110th and Amsterdam. That’s a block from Ashlynn’s apartment. Less than a block. He stands up, waiting for the world to stop spinning before making an attempt to walk. He tries not to think about the cold, or the way he can’t feel his toes, or the pounding in his head. Just focuses on one foot in front of the other.

He finds himself at her building. He presses her buzzer with shaking fingers, praying she’s home. He doesn’t have to wait even 30 seconds before the lobby door opens.

he steps inside, unable to hold back the heavy sigh of relief at the sudden warmth. He stands there for a moment, swaying slightly, before making his way to the elevator. Somehow, he finds himself at her door, and knocks. he hears her footsteps padding closer and closer before she’s standing right there, in front of him.

“Peter?” she looks puzzled until the world starts to tilt and he grips the doorframe to stay upright. “Whoa, hey, are you alright?” He opens his mouth to speak but three harsh sneezes come out instead, and he buries them into the wet sleeve of his hoodie. “Ok, c’mere.” She pulls him inside, and before he really knows what’s going on, he’s sitting at her kitchen table.

“S’raining,” he mumbles, and she hums in response.”M’cold.”

“I can tell. Here -” She starts to strip off his hoodie, which is totally soaked through. His shivering worsens, and she palms his forehead. “Shit, Peter.” She takes the hem of his t shirt and hesitates. “Can I...?” He nods, and she peels it off. She unties his sneakers and pulls off his socks, then bites her lip. “I can grab you a pair of my roommate’s sweatpants and you can change in the bathroom, yeah?” He shakes his head. There is no way he’s walking anywhere right now. She goes red. “You want me to...”

“M’gonna pass out if I try to stand up, Ash.”

Carefully, she unbuttons his jeans, tugging them off until he’s sitting in his underwear. She disappears for a moment before coming back with a towel, and wraps it around his shoulders. She places a box of tissues on his lap, and sits down in the chair across from him.

“What’s going on?”

“M’sick.” She laughs softly. Peter gingerly starts to wipe his nose, wincing at the raw, chapped soreness. He blows, and a spike of pain hits him between the eyes.

“Yeah, I can tell. Why were you -”

“Walking home from class,” he mumbles, and she nods. She stands up, and reappears with a thermometer. “Can we not?”

“If you wanna stay here then you’re gonna have to let me baby you,” she says, and if it didn’t hurt so bad he’d roll his eyes. He lets her stick the device under his tongue, and while she’s waiting for the reading she starts heating up water for tea. The thermometer beeps and she removes it gently. She frowns.

“What?” She takes a deep breath.

“It’s high, that’s all.” He raises his eyebrows at her. “102.2.”

“Not so bad,” he murmurs. He’s struggling to keep his eyes open. Sitting here in the warmth of the kitchen his body is finally deciding it’s had enough. The sudden warmth is also making his nose run. He sniffles.

“I’m not even gonna comment on that. C’mon, you can lay down on the couch. I’d offer you my bed but I don’t think you’ll make it that far to be honest.” He nods, and she pulls him upright. He manages to make it the few feet to the couch, and lands heavily. She swaps the towel for a blanket, and he’s never felt something better than the way it feels on his freezing, damp skin. Dry and warm and heavy. He curls up on his side, holding a tissue under his still-leaking nose, and he doesn’t last 30 seconds before falling asleep.

He’s awakened suddenly by the harsh ring of his cell phone. His headache is worse, despite the rest, and though his nose has stopped running it seems, his head is fully, hopelessly congested. He digs through his bag to find his phone, and frowns when he sees it’s Leo. He considers letting the call go to voicemail, but that’s before he sees the 5 previous missed calls.

“Hello?” He hates the way his voice sounds - sick and congested and torn up.

“Peter, what the fuck is going on?”

“I’m uh...I’m home working on thesis.” It takes him a moment to remember his lie from earlier.

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Why then do I see a photo of you, shirtless, on Ashlynn’s couch?” Peter knows immediately that he has fucked up, big time. “Do I really need to explain to you why that makes me upset?”

“Leo -”

“You better have a good fucking explanation for this.” Maybe it’s the fever, maybe it’s the fact he hasn’t seen Leo in weeks, or maybe it’s the build up of all the guilt he’s felt lying to him, but Peter feels tears start to fall. He breaks into sobs, and they make his headache exponentially worse.

“Leo, p-please, I -” He can barely speak around his tears. “Please don’t be mad.”

“Mad at you for what?” His voice is cold. “Tell me. I want to hear you tell me.”

“It’s...it’s not -”

“Tell me, Peter.”

“I didn’t want...I didn’t want you to be mad at me.” His fevered brain can’t quite string together the right words.

“How would...” He trails off. “How would sleeping with Ashlynn not make me mad?”

“I didn’t - we...it wasn’t...I know you’re tired of taking care of me, so -”

“What?” Leo’s tone has shifted.

“I know you’re sick of me being sick, so I was gonna just go home and sleep and then it was raining, and I was so fucking dizzy, and I was on 110th street -”

“Wait. Stop. Let me get this straight. You’re ill?”

“Yeah,” he says, and the guilt is absolutely eating him up. “I didn’t want to bother -”

“Love, why would that be bothering me?” Leo sounds almost sad.

“You-you’re so busy, and -”

“Peter, I don’t know what kind of miscommunication happened here but I’m not...I wouldn’t be bothered if I knew you weren’t feeling well. I mean, I’d be upset but just because I don’t want you to feel bad. I wouldn’t be mad at you or angry with you or something like that. Why would you have that idea?”

“I’d hate me if I was you,” he chokes out, and Leo sighs.

“Peter...Look, can I come get you?”

“You don’t have to.”

“I know that, that’s not why I asked.” He pauses. “Where’s Ashlynn?”

That’s a good question. Peter isn’t sure. At class, maybe?

“Not uh...not here.”

“Ok, I’m gonna call you back. I love you, ok?”

“Mmhm. Love you too.”

“Ok, just relax. Everything’s alright. Hang tight.”

“Ok.”

[lockdownuk]

Lockdown Diary Part 3

A personal account during the lockdown in the UK due to the Covid-19 outbreak.

23/03/2020 8:30pm Boris Johnson, UK Prime Minister, gives a live address to the nation to, effectively, put the country on lockdown to stem the spread of the deadly coronavirus strain, Covid-19.

Many of us have been self-isolating for days but this latest development within the UK in reaction to the pandemic feels very serious and very scary. I decided to keep a simple diary and where better but online.

Day 61: Writing this in the afternoon on day 62. An exercise driven day. Two walks and stair climb as usual plus I popped round Jeff’s early evening. First time I’ve been to his house, 1 Garden Row, Elmington. It’s further than I thought so, with walking there an back, I managed a daily total of 14km. It was good to see him and have a social (but social-distanced) beer. When I got home, @9:45pm, I made thai green chicken curry, watch The Report (a great, if worrying film) and then TikTok-ed until gone 5am!

Day 62: Typing this on day 64! Beer round Karen’s. Missed Sam’s quiz.

Day 63: Typing this on day 64! Beer round Karen’s. Again! Well, it is bank holiday Monday! Had dirty pizza for tea and watched The Heat. Again! It is the most piss funny film.

Day 64: Well, I have been feeling guilty about treatung the bank holiday w/e l;ike a bank holiday w/e. It’s dawned on me that that guilt is way too self-disiciplned. I got up about midday, usual two walks and stair climb but that’s it. I need to clean the house from top to bottom, get on top of my online courses, get the garden done, get the car fixed, go shopping…fucking hell - if only I had the time…

Day 65: Today I swapped Amazon prime free trial for about the 5th time in my life. Same card and address - will they get wind of my skullduggery. This is all so I can finish watching Hunters and catch Homecoming S2. I went shopping at Asda near Raunds. I wish I hadn’t, it’s no good for a comprehensive shop. Received an email from RCI inviting me to a Zoom meeting with Pal Mulcahy for a business update. I fear the worst. And it’s at 10:00am, FFS!

Day 66: Logged in an attended zoom forum with Paul Mulcahy and over 250 RCI staff this morning. The message was that there is going to be redundancies. I expected this and expected to fall victim. All staff that are going to be put through cionsultation would be contacted today. I however wasn’t! Very, very surpised. meanwhile, Nick Reilly asked to connect via LinkedIn (including become a LinkedIn staff team member -  that’s new to me so I’ll see what it is but I accepted the invitation) Later, I WhatsApp-ed him and asked who has been affected from IT. All he could tell me was no one on Jon Rodger’s team is under threat. Also, Mark C emailed - I’ll respond tomorrow. I got up at 09:00ish and had my mornming walk before the 10:00am meeting. I am now, at 09:30pm, fucking knackered. Dinner and then bed, methinks but not before one more episdoe of Hunters!

Day 67: Typing on Day 68. Got pretty drunk last night. I’ve got blisters from walking (new boots) so I don’t think I’ll walk tomorrow (well, today!).

Day 68: I did fuck all today. Got up after 1pm, no walking. I did manage to clean the bathroom (and smash my little mirror) and do my 26 stair climb. I am typing at 9pm and I feel whacked!

Day 69: I have an abscess. It’s not too painful (today) but I am going to call the dentist tomorrow (Monday). I think antibiotics are in order. I watched a film, which I actually started yesterday, called The Voices starring Ryan Reynolds, Gemma Arteton and Anna Kendrick. Fuuuuuuuuuuuucking weird. The closing credits are the most bizarre, in context, I’ve ever seen. But, in general, a very good film. Back to normal exercise regime today plus hovered the hall and stairs. Get me. It’ll be interetingh to see my Google Fit figures for May tomorrow.

Day 70: Contacted the dentist who advised salt water rinsing and ibuprofen. But, tbf, it’s a lot better today and the swelling has gone right down. The dentist I called was the Oundle House (Rodericks) one. I was not hopeful since last time I saw them they referred me to their Northampton clinic for root canal work which was quoted at over £600. However, the dentist was very nice, had my x-ray to hand from that last visit and seemed more interested in making sure I’m OK than gaining a paying customer. He still wants to see me when possible though! I must mention the weather. It has been glorious weather nearly every day throughout May (it’s June 1st today). Seriously sunny and like a holiday every day. The news mentioned it today - the level of sunshine throughout the transition from spring to summer is unprecedented, apparently. My T shirt tan is, quite frankly, ridiculous!

Day 71: Today’s ‘must mention’ is what’s going on in the US and it’s not particularly related to Trump. There was a black man killed while under arrest. George Floyd died Monday 25th May (8 days ago) A policeman, who knelt on his neck for minutes while he complained of not being able to breathe, has been charged with murder. Now there are riots and curfews and military intervention all over the country. It’s similar to the English riots of 2011. It’s worrying, sad, scary and not what the fight against the pandemic needs. Most of all, it’s racism rearing its ugly head yet again. I’ve had a normal-ish day. received an email from Jim checking in, talked to a recruiter about a promising job lead (although the hours are 8-5 which I am not happy about), talked to Barry across the road and sent Barzzy a WhatsApp. And I logged in Shaw Academy and started lesson one of module 2 of web Design. It’s been a while, so long overdue, but I only did about 15 minutes. Must try harder / do better! As I type, late (10:10pm) I have dinner cooking and a strange pain in my left side and am in the middle of No Country for Old Men. Don’t think I’ve seen it since the cinema (13 years!)

Day 72: As soon as (well, within a couple of days) I mention the weather, it turns. It’s rained a little and is a lot cooler (15° rather than mid-20s). Much better for walking, I have to say. I finished Hunters today (Amazon Prime series). While I enjoyed it, it got too surreal at the end. It is loosely based on the real story of Nazi hunters in the US in 1977 but the straying from loosely based to down-right ridiculous fiction annoyed me. If it goes to S2, I will watch it, however. Received some of my rental deposit back today (the law changed so that only 5 weeks rent can be demanded as deposit). Over £600. Nice.

Day 73: I made a short video for Marc and Clare’s 26th wedding anniversary. I ‘dressed up’ for it. I enjoyed doing it and I think it was appreciated.

Day 74: Typing on Day 75 for no other reason than I couldn’t be bothered on day 74! I received a letter either today or the day before (well, yesterday or the previous day!) from Mr Minos at the eye clinic informing me that, while there is some stuff going on in both eyes (garnered from the photo scans done at the last hospital appointment), he wants to see me in three months. Always a refief when that happens. Been getting into two series on Amazon: Alex Rider and Modern Love. One is a male Hanna, the other is soppy affairs of the heart based on real life stories (from essays written in the NY Times). Both enjoyable for totally different reasons.

Day 75: Lazyish day. Well, not really, just that I only went for one walk, alebit 6km andI got pissed on. Wehn the rain hit, it was also fucking freezing! Some of the clouds were stunning today, made for great photos. As I type, it’s 21:12, I’m listening the wonderful Phoebe Bridgiers. Now, I’m gonna make some tea and sup a few ales, I reckon.

Day 76: Done lots of walking today (over 13,000 steps) I made sausage casserole with too much chilli (scotch bonnet and birdeye). I had an online (fb) debate with Sam over whether the George Floyd murder was a racial.

Day 77: Received a new (used) wing mirror for the car. £18 with delivery, I reckon that’s a bargain. I cashed in £20 from Prolific as well, so I’m satisfied at the financial full-circle. Dropped the car off at Barnwell (Nene Valley Body Shop) and walked back - 7km. Just about to dive into tea - finishing the blazing hot sausage casserole from yesterday. Then I’m going to do some more Rubik’s cube practice with my recently acquired GoCube.

Day 78: Lots of daily walking, 26 stair climb, press-up and late nights watching TikTok (gone 3am this morning) are making for a constantly knackered Tim Stubbs. Today I made veg soup and cooked up some meatballs. Both are delish. How did I ever to learn how to conjure up such stuff? The Rubik’s cube learning is coming along except that I need good daylight to distinguish between the yellow and white faces on the flipping thing!

Day 79: Listening to Radio 6 most the day and the news is making for dire listening. Forecast of severe recession, especially if there is a second peak of the virus, which I think there will be. Plus, an offshoot of the George Floyd murder and the #BlackLivesMatter movement, institutions and town councils are being lobbied by campaigners to remove statues of anyone associated with things like slavery (one was toppled in Bristol at the w/e) and rename buildings etc. that were named after historical characters with any links to something that now is deemed wrong or offensive. I agree with it but it’s not pleasant to hear amongst other bleak news. Walked to Barnwell to collect my car - front trim reseated and new wing mirror fitted, £20 - bargain (I source the replacement wing mirror). But, also, forked out £165 on car tax! Cleaned the lounge from top to bottom. Knackering!

Day 80: Chatted with Dad and Rita - he’s pissed off with the slavery backlash but otherwise they are both OK. I saw Baz in the Tesco queue where I mentioned my disgust at the Thursday market being allowed (I found I could not maintain 2m at all times just walking to Tesco’s!) and that I really don’t want to catch Covid19 as I will probably die. Maybe a bit dramatic but he messaged me later today to say he’d been thinking on what I said and offered to shop for me. I replied that I am OK to shop but am scared at how people are taking things so much less seriously than when lockdown started yet the virus is still out there just as it was then! I am very touched at his massage. I thoroughly cleaned the bedroom and changed the bedclothes today. House work really knackers me out!

Day 81: Spare room cleaned today. Not much else to type about. It’s Friday, I making curried mince and I don’t feel like a beer. How I’ve changed!

Day 82: I did have beers last night. Ended up going to bed with daylight and dawn chorus for company. Today, when I woke, gone 1pm, I have been greeted by what can only be described as thoroughly depressing news from every quarter. This includes violence in the capital, further virus outbreak in Beijing. Fog’s political posts on FB make for depressing (but vaild) reading. I’m feeling thoroughly fed up today. Not even music can lift my mood…

…but, I am currently listening to Craig Charles on BBCR6 and, I have to say, he’s putting in quite an exceptional effort - there may be hope that my mood might lift, even at gone 8pm! I might have a beer or two and grab something postivity and enjoyment from the day after all.

Day 83: Another late one last night but up before noon today. Started watching something called Condor on Sky One. It’s OK - there’s stuff I wanna waytch on Amazon Prime but, more often than not, it keeps telling me there’s ‘a problem’ when I try to play anything. Pissing me off. I just checked and I have two weeks of the initial 12 of furlough to go. I shall started asking the questions about what might happen on the Connections website.

Day 84: Typing this on Day 85. On the way back from dropping off some shoes for Sean Davies at his brother’s (martin) I met Karen and she said why not pop round for a beer so I did. Certainly not used to a drink on a Monday so that, and the genral upheaval to my evening, while good fun and a nice change, put pay to my usual diary entry! I sorted Amazon Prime out by leaving the TV turned off for over an hour. Day 85: Tim did the garden today and it looks great. The pipes in the bathroom have been knocking loudly, on and off, for a couple of weeks now. Last night, they were so loud that today I took it upon myself to resolve it or ring Woodfords. So, having turned off the water, run the taps dry to get rid of any trapped air and then turned the water back on slowly, I discoved it’s the cistern and its pipes. Woodfords are arranging Corvee to visit. Meanwhile, leaving the water turned off at least stops the noise which is, otherwise, costant and unbearable! I emailed HR a couple of days ago about what’s happening in a couple of weeks time in terms of furlough when the 12 weeks will be up. Sue Cockimngs got back to me attaching an email Deryn sent on 15th May which I never received. Basically, they’ll extend furlough if need be and an update should be forthcoming late May/early June. Well, that time has passed, so who knows what is going to happen. The furlough scheme (CJRS) has been changed by the govenment, I’ve read, and it looks like any new people would have to have been furloughed by June 10th (it’s the 16th today) so no furlough rotation, which is annoying. The CJRS ends 1st October with employer contributions required from 1st August - that’s D-Day as far as I am concerned….so job hunting will have to step up a notch! Day 86: Pete’s birthday and he bought himself the same speaker as me. When I asked if it lived up to his expectations he mentioned it’s better through WiFi than Bluetooth. That confused me as I haven’t got WiFi available on mine…..long story short, I bought the wrong fucking speaker. I got a AudioPro AddOn T10 instead of C10. To say I am fucked off is an understatement. To think I was so pleased at the cheap price I paid. Now I feel like I have wasted  €200. Bollocks.

Day 87: Finished Alex Rider last night. Another series that started off so well and ended a litte weak but, overall, not bad. I’ve started keeping strange meal times…lunch very late (4pm) and dinner really late (11pm). I need to sort it ‘cos it’s playing havoc with my sugar levels. I had a huge hypo while having my second walk today, second day on the trot that’s happened. My late dinner was Chinese chicked curry with a quarter of a scotch bonnet and two birdeye chillies. Delish.

Day 88: I have managed to be bitten yesterday or the day before on one of my walks. There are strange, itchy lumps on my right inner forearm. And I do mean itchy. I trimmed my sideburns today, I was very pissed off with them. My hair looks just a little less shit. I did a shop at Tesco in Corby today. Mainly booze as follows: 20 cans Sam Miguel £18 18 cans Stella £15 20 bottles Bud £10 8 cans Tyskie £9 3 lrg bottles Warsteiner £5 £57 Bargain.

Day 89: Lazy day. One short walk and usual stair climb. Howard and Sue popped round to give me a pressie - bottle of Monkey Shoulder. I’m building up quite a collection of whisky!

Day 90: Dad called and we chatted for an hour or so. I had to apologise for not sending a father’s day card! Dan messaged me and offered to pay for a pizza delivery which I declined.

Football has started again this past week…Prem and Championship only. L1 and L2 season was cut short and Posh missed out on the play-offs by one place. As I type, Everton v Liverpool is on Sky Sports on a Sunday evening - it’s very strange with no crowd. There’s crowd noise being played thorugh the tannoy.

[vfdbaudelairefile13]

Misery Loves Company Part 2

Prologue:

The One Where Violet Tries to Make Sense of It All

Lemony Snicket held the letter from his true love tightly in his hands as he reread the simple but still cryptic instructions she had given him. ‘ Please meet me at the last safe place, on the day of the week that M. Caliban’s husband is named after…’ She had written being as cryptic as she could in case her letter got into the hands of one of their enemies. It was Thursday morning and he was standing at the edge of the pond that stood in front of Hotel Denouement to meet up with her and her new husband, Bertrand. She never specified a time so he got here as early as possible. Lemony was awkwardly pacing around the pond wondering if he should even venture into the busy hotel. He was both nervous and anxious, he was nervous for several reasons. One he hadn’t seen Beatrice or Bertrand in quite awhile. Another reason was he was going to be meeting his infant daughter, Violet. He was also quite anxious because he had been on the run since he had last seen Beatrice and he was afraid he’d get recognized by someone even under his disguise. ‘ Just do me the kind favor of not masking your eyes...I’ll know it is you, my dear, I see your eyes every day when I look down at our a darling Violet.’ He did his best to disguise all of his face leaving his eyes as visible as possible.

Eventually, Lemony took a deep breath as he lowered his fedora to barely hide his eyes. No one will be looking for a dead man. He told himself as he entered the hustle and bustle of the Hotel Denouement lobby. He looked around for anyone who resembled his Beatrice or his Bertrand. ‘ I will be wearing the same red shawl that I wore the night everything took a turn for the worst. You know, the one with the feathers.’ he scoured the lobby looking for anyone in wearing a red shawl. No luck. He looked around looking for anyone who was holding an infant. Again, no luck. I must have gotten here too early. He told himself when a hand appeared on his shoulder. He quickly turned around and was face to face with what one of the managers. Which one? He couldn’t tell.  The Denouement Brothers were notorious for purposefully looking alike to confuse both sides of the schism. The face seemed to be kind but it could have been Ernest.

“You seem lost,” the manager said. “Maybe I can be of some assistance.”

Lemony nodded his head slowly trying to figure out which Denouement brother he was talking to.

“You see, the Hotel Denouement is arranged like a library…” the man began.

“Ah, so I would need to know the Dewey Decimal System in order to find what I am looking for?” he said putting a bit more emphasis on the word ‘Dewey’. Not too much in case, this was Ernest but just enough for the noble Denouement brother to understand.

The manager looked at Lemony for a second before nodding. “Maybe what you’re searching for is part of a mystery, ” the manager said giving a slight emphasis on the word ‘mystery’. He gave Lemony a pat on the shoulder which Lemony considered to be friendly. Lemony walked over to the concierge desk and scanned the bells. The dewey decimal number for mysteries is 135...but there’s no room 135…then how…? He thought to himself. He was sure that the noble Denouement brother was explaining to him that what he was looking for would be in room 135 but there was no such room in this hotel. He closed his eyes and thought about who he was meeting up with. “Bertrand...you cryptic bastard,” he said to himself as he rushed to one of the elevators.

Lemony quickly hit the buttons marked 1, 3, 5 as he remembered a fun prank that Bertrand had taught him and his siblings when they had first visited this hotel. Bertrand Markson was a rather silly man who liked to show his friends random pranks, tell them random jokes and even show them a few weird but simple magic tricks. Sometimes he did it for the purposes of VFD and sometimes he just did it to lighten the mood before a mission. This particular time, Lemony now understood why Bertrand had told him and his siblings that. He smiled as the elevator descended farther than the basement floor.

“I’m telling you, Jacques, it’s fun,” Bertrand had said laughing as he hit all of the buttons in the elevator.

Jacques rubbed his temples. “I don’t see how,”

“You never know where you’ll end up,” Bertrand had replied laughing as Kit and Lemony started laughing at their friend annoying their brother.

Lemony jumped when the doors behind him had opened. He turned around and his heart felt like it had shattered into a million pieces.

“Baticeer?” He asked as his breathing stopped.

“My Silence Knot!” the woman wearing the red shawl replied getting up from her seat at the desk of a mutual friend. She ran up to Lemony excitedly as he caught her in his arms and spun her around. “You are alive! You got my letter!”

Lemony didn’t know what to say, he was absolutely speechless. Beatrice gently took off his ridiculous disguise which freaked Lemony out for only a second. “We’re safe here, D says he is the only one with access to this sub-basement,” she explained to him feeling him tense up.

“I got here easily though,”

“He’s keeping watch,” Beatrice said as Lemony kissed her. Beatrice did not pull away, she had missed Lemony so much and she honestly couldn’t believe that he was standing in front of her after all this time.

“Hey, sir!” a voice called out in a joking tone. “You are kissing my wife,”

Lemony broke the kiss from Beatrice and turned to see a man wearing glasses holding an infant in his arms. Lemony smiled. “Bertrand!” he yelled as Beatrice took the infant from her husband and watched as Lemony and Bertrand hugged each other fiercely. Without any hesitation, Lemony kissed Bertrand right on the lips. Like his wife, Bertrand did not pull away from Lemony’s embrace.

After taking a deep breath, Lemony pulled away. He was so happy to see both Bertrand and Beatrice again. “Did you really think I’d only kiss Beatrice?” Lemony asked as Bertrand rolled his eyes.

“You kiss better than your brother,” Bertrand remarked.

“Ew, seriously?” Lemony said as Bertrand chuckled.

“Eh, Kit’s still the better kisser,” Beatrice joked.

“Oh hell no. You did not just say that” Lemony said laughing.

“Wait, when did you kiss Kit?” Bertrand asked confused.

“During one of our VFD missions. She was telling me that...a certain Count...was a good kisser and then I had to ruin that for him,” Beatrice replied with a smile. “When did you kiss Jacques?”

“It just sort of happened one day. He and Frank just broke up. He needed a friend and he kissed me and I kissed him back,” Bertrand explained.

“Wait. So you both kissed one of my siblings before you had ever kissed me? What the fuck,” Lemony said annoyed.

“Yes, but we chose you,” Bertrand said smiling.

“Or did I choose you? ” Lemony asked laughing.

“Honestly...I chose both of you,” Beatrice smirked as both men nodded their heads in agreement.

“I’ve missed you...both,” Lemony said.

“We’ve missed you, too,” Beatrice replied smiling as the small bundle of joy in her arms giggled.

Lemony’s eyes shone with delight when he remembered why he was there. He was to meet his...daughter. The word was such an easy word to say. But such an odd one to say in context to himself. He has a daughter. “Is that…?” he asked unsure if he was dreaming.

Bertrand nodded. “Lemony...you and Beatrice made one beautiful baby girl…” he said as Beatrice smiled. “If Beatrice and I ever have more children...we’ll see who makes the prettier babies,”

Beatrice rolled her eyes. “It’s not a competition,”

“Well...it kinda is,” Lemony said laughing. “Although, I doubt any of Beatrice’s children would turn out ugly…”

“Would you like to hold your daughter, Lemony?” Beatrice asked as she blushed.

Lemony couldn’t form words so he simply nodded at Beatrice, who slowly put her infant daughter in his arms. Bertrand laughed at how awkwardly he was holding the infant. He quickly helped Beatrice set the baby in his arms. “Here, you have to have her head like this,” he said as he helped Lemony. “Don’t worry, it wasn’t easy for either one of us at first,”

Lemony stood frozen in place unable to speak, unable to think. He just stared down at the precious baby that laid in his arms. She looked just like her mother. She had Beatrice’s dark brown hair, her round cheeks, her chin. She was as beautiful as her mother, Lemony would dare say she was more beautiful than her mother. As the infant looked around, slightly confused as to who was holding her. Lemony worried that she would start crying. Please like me. Please like me. Please don’t cry. Please don’t hate me. His mind kept repeating as the infant’s eyes finally focused on his. He could see that this child was, in fact, his no doubt about it. Although she had more of her aunt’s eye shape, Lemony deduced that she must’ve gotten that from one of her paternal grandparents but he was unsure of which one since he had been orphaned when he was an infant. Lemony also noticed that instead of having Beatrice’s dark chocolate eyes, she had Lemony’s ocean blue eyes.  When his daughter’s identical eyes gazed into his, Lemony felt his heart shatter. But it was a different shattering. He had felt his heart shatter before when he killed a man back at Stain’d by the Sea. When he stole a piece of porcelain from an old friend. When he assisted in a double homicide that changed so many lives and when he had ultimately decided to leave Beatrice at the Opera House. He had felt his heart shatter in the worst ways for such a long time in different ways but this time...was different. It was a good shattering. This child had stolen his heart without saying a word. This was his daughter. He would do everything he could to protect her. If she wanted the world, he was going to find a way to give it to her. He stared at her for several long moments. Finally, looking up at Beatrice and Bertrand who were smiling and staring at him. Both noticed that Lemony’s eyes were watering.

“Lemony,” Beatrice said softly, “Meet our little girl, Violet Malina Baudelaire,”

“Snicket,” Bertrand added. “She can have both last names,”

“The name ‘Snicket’ puts a target on her back,” Lemony muttered sadly.

“And the name ‘Baudelaire’ doesn’t?” Beatrice replied.

Lemony gave a small but saddened chuckle at that. “She’s screwed isn’t she?” he asked.

Bertrand shook his head fiercely. “No. We’ll protect her, all three of us. The organization and our enemies will never have any contact with her,”

“Bertrand will guard her from the back, you can take the front, I’ll take the sides. I’m quicker than both of you anyway,” Beatrice joked.

Lemony gave them a small smile and looked down at his daughter again. She was now slowly reaching up to touch his nose. “Hi, Violet Malina,” Lemony cooed softly watching his daughter tilt her head as if she recognized her name. “I’m your daddy. I’m Lemony...Lemony Snicket. You’ve probably heard that name from the papers...but don’t believe the lies they’re writing...I’m…” he began, still in a soft voice. He looked up at Beatrice and Bertrand again, who smiled at him. “I’m...a good man. Underneath it all. Little rough around the edges...but that’s nothing you can’t fix,”

Violet giggled as she touched his nose. She made a small noise that could have sounded like a ‘boo’ or a ‘boop’. It was too soft and precious that no adult in the room could tell. Lemony felt his heart break again.

“Now...I’m new to this whole ‘being a father’ thing,” he explained as he cautiously walked slowly across the room to reach the single desk that sat in the middle of the room. “So you’ve got to go easy on me. Let’s set some ground rules. First off, no dating at all until you’re like thirty or when I’m dead...whatever comes sooner,” he began.

“Typical father,” Beatrice replied laughing.

“What?” Lemony asked. “She looks like you, she’s definitely going to get people after her,”

“Lemony,”

“Bertrand...you’re her father, too. I value your opinion unless you disagree with me,” Lemony joked. “How do you feel about her dating?”

“Oh, I’m with you,” Bertrand replied. “I mean I would’ve said no dating until twenty-five...thirty seems too drastic,”

“Hmmm,” Lemony said. “We’ll meet in the middle. How’s twenty-seven sound?”

“Perfect!” Bertrand replied.

“How’s fourteen sound,” Beatrice said rolling her eyes.

“Looks like your mother is the softy, Violet Malina,” Lemony said as Violet giggled happily.

“You really like her name, don’t you?”

“Yeah...it’s wonderful,” Lemony said. “Out of curiosity, what would you have named her if she were a boy,”

“Lemony,” both Beatrice and Bertrand replied. Lemony’s face went from one of pure happiness to one of disgust as he turned to face his ex-fiance and his ex-boyfriend.

“What?” he said in a tone that confused the two other adults in the room.

“What what?” Bertrand asked.

“You would’ve named my son ‘Lemony Baudelaire’?”

Beatrice nodded. “We thought you…”

“Why would you torture a child like that?” he asked in a half-joking, half unbelieving tone.

“Le!” Violet shrieked giggling.

“No, that is not your name,” Lemony said. “Good thing, too,”

“Lemony...I like your name,”

“I hate my name,” Lemony replied. “Honestly, I don’t know if the organization named me or my parents did. It was probably my parents, I mean they named their twins Jacques and Kit,”

“Well, technically, they named them Jacques and Katherine,” Bertrand explained.

Lemony rolled his eyes. “Twin names are supposed to rhyme,”

“If I had twins, I’d name one Nick,” Beatrice explained.

“Hmmm...well if one of the twins were a girl, I’d name her April,”

“April and Nick?” Lemony asked.

“Oh no,” Bertrand explained. “See, if Beatrice and I have twins and they’re fraternal and different genders, they’d be Colin and April,”

Beatrice laughed. “What happened to naming our next daughter after Theodora,”

Lemony glared at Bertrand. “You wouldn’t,”

“I would and before you ask, no, I can’t tell you what the S stands for, she made me promise. You’ll just have to wait and see,” he replied to Lemony, turning back to Beatrice. “If we had twins I’d name one April...the daughter I name after Theodora won’t be in a set of kids.”

Lemony was still glaring at Bertrand. “After all we’ve been through you won’t tell me what the S. stands for,”

“I can’t. I promised,” Bertrand explained.

“I’m more confused about the fact that you don’t like the idea of naming our son after you,” Beatrice said trying to change the subject because she is tired of hearing these two argue about their old chaperone.

“Yes, I would be crying right now feeling bad for my son if you named him after me,” he replied. “You just said you would’ve named a son ‘Nick’ what’s wrong with that name? That’s way better than Lemony. I’d rather be Nicholas Snicket,”

“No, not Nicholas. Nick.” Beatrice explained. “And...that’s if I had twin boys, I don’t have a name for the second son, but it won’t rhyme either,”

Lemony rolled his eyes. “What about Klaus? Both derive from the same name,”

Beatrice smiled happily as Bertrand looked at her. “I love that name!” she yelled happily.

“That’s a really good boy name,” Bertrand commented.

“Well, honestly when you’re only other choice is Lemony I bet any name I said would’ve gotten that reaction,”  Lemony replied. “Fuck. I could’ve suggested ‘Wine’ and that’s still a better name than Lemony.”

“Stop being bitter,” Beatrice replied. “Although Wine is a cool name,” Lemony facepalmed at this response, hoping that she wasn’t serious.

“We would’ve named her after you to involve you not spite,”

“I hate my name, you both know that,”

“But we love your name,” Bertrand said as Beatrice smiled.

Lemony rolled his eyes and looked down at Violet, who smiled back at him the second that she realized that he was looking at her again. “Aren’t you glad your silly mommy and daddy didn’t name you Lemony?”

Bertrand smiled when Lemony referred to him as Violet’s father. It made him feel more validated and made him feel less guilty about ‘stealing’ Lemony’s role. It was a complicated situation that he had found himself in. Honestly, it was complicated for everyone involved especially little Violet, he was just glad to be here to help Beatrice as much as he could in Lemony’s absence.

Violet giggled in response. “Le?” she said again.

“She’s trying to say my name,” Lemony said. “This child has stolen my damn heart, Bea,”

“Yeah, she does that,”

“Like her mother,” Bertrand said.

“Like both of her fathers,” Beatrice replied.

Lemony held the infant closer to him. How was he supposed to take care of her if he was on the run? He didn’t understand what Beatrice and Bertrand were thinking. He didn’t understand why they were still working with VFD but he knew that they could handle themselves. Beatrice was the one who usually got them out of sticky situations.

“So you really want me in her life?” Lemony asked meekly. “Even after you come back,”

“Of course, Lem,” Bertrand responded.

“Even though everything that went wrong is my fault,”

“ None of it is your fault,” Beatrice replied quickly. “And yes, Bertrand and I would love for you to be in Violet’s life. She’ll have three parents.”

“And if we ever gift her siblings, you can be their third parent, too,” Bertrand said.

Lemony smiled. “You mean that? You’d let me parent your biological children?” he asked Bertrand.

“Why wouldn’t I? You’re letting me,” Bertrand said pointing at Violet.

Lemony felt tears springing in his eyes again. Beatrice sighed. “I hate to cut our reunion short...but Bertrand and I should be going,” she said sadly.

“When will I see you again?” Lemony asked desperately. “I mean...to give you back our daughter,”

“I’ll send another letter via crow,”

“Why can’t you tell me now?”

“Because things change...in a blink of an eye...with a throw of a dart,” Beatrice replied, a small frown forming on her face. Lemony handed Violet to Bertrand so that he can say goodbye to his daughter.

“You be a good girl for Lemony,” Bertrand said in a normal volume and then he whispered to Violet. “You know I’m kidding, kiddo. You give him Hell and all the dirty diapers you can make,”

Violet reached up for his glasses laughing at her silly, goofy, fun-loving father. “I love you, Violet. I will see you soon,” he said kissing his infant daughter on her forehead and holding her close. He sniffled and wiped a tear from his eye as he passed her to Beatrice.

Beatrice looked down at the girl who was nearly a carbon copy of her. She stared back at the Lemony blue eyes and she felt tears in her eyes. She had never been away from Violet for a long period of time. She didn’t like leaving her even if it was with Lemony but when VFD calls, you have to answer. As Bertrand handed over a small suitcase and diaper bag to Lemony and helped him put on his disguise, Beatrice sang to Violet. Lemony looked up when he realized that Beatrice was singing. He had missed her singing. Beatrice held Violet tight in her arms, nearly to the point where both men thought Beatrice was squeezing Violet too much. Beatrice looked up at them and glared. Her silent way of telling them that mother’s know best and that she’d never hurt her child.

Violet looked up at her mother and was beginning to realize that her mother was unhappy because she was scrunching up her face in response. “Violet…” Beatrice began looking down at her infant daughter. “I love you...more than anything in this world. You’re going to be staying with her bio-father for a little bit. But Mommy promises she’ll be back,” she sniffled and shook her head. “I have to do something...I promise this won’t be permanent. I will find a way to get away from this organization. You will have a normal childhood. No matter what...you matter more to me than VFD,”

Lemony and Bertrand nodded in agreement. Beatrice paused to wipe her eyes. “Mommy loves you so much, my precious baby girl. I always have and always will. Even if you’re in my arms or I’m halfway across the world. You are loved by all three of your parents, Violet.”

Beatrice began sobbing. “I hate VFD so much,” she whispered to the two men. “I don’t want to leave her,”

“It will only be few days,” Bertrand replied trying to be strong for the both of them. Even though, Lemony could tell he was on the verge of breaking.

Beatrice kissed Violet on her cheek as she slowly walked over to Lemony. “Take her, Lemony. I won’t be able to hand her off...not even to you,”

Lemony nodded. “Only if you promise to take her back from me that way I don’t have to hand her off either,” he replied. Beatrice looked at him through his disguise and nodded.

“Lemony…” Beatrice began.

“Yeah?”

“If...if...anything goes wrong…”

“None of that. I don’t want to hear it, Bea. Nothing is going to go wrong,”

She chuckled and gave him a small smile. “After everything that has happened how are you still able to say that with a straight face?”

Lemony shrugged. “I don’t know honestly. I’m usually not optimistic. I’m pessimistic if I’m being quite honest,” he said looking at the infant that was now in his arms again. “Maybe...Violet’s giving me hope,”

“Lemony, if anything does go wrong...just promise me, you’ll make sure she knows how much we loved her...how much this pained me,” Beatrice cried. “She needs to know that she’s loved...tell her all about me and Bertrand. Promise me. You will tell her that her mother loved her more than anything on this planet. ” The woman of Lemony’s dreams sobbed loudly, startling Violet. Bertrand walked over and held Beatrice tight as she sobbed on his shoulder. She glanced at the infant in Lemony’s arms. “ Promise me, Lemony. Even if you don’t think anything bad will happen... promise me, ”

“I promise,” Lemony replied. “She will know everything about you...and me...and Bertrand. Minus all the VFD stuff of course,”

Beatrice nodded. “You’ll make sure she knows I loved her?”

“Yes. Always.”

Beatrice nodded, wiping her eyes. “Thank you,”

“If anything is to happen, just know she’s in good hands,”

“We know. That’s why we prayed that you were still alive,” Bertrand said.

“It would take a lot to kill me,” Lemony replied securing his disguise. When he looked down at Violet, she looked confused and startled. “Hey, Vi...it’s me. Lemony...your dad. You’ll get used to me changing how I look,”

Beatrice went up to Lemony and hugged him and Violet tightly. She gave Violet another kiss, on her other cheek this time. Smiling down at her daughter. She kissed Lemony on his lips. “I love you both. Be safe,”

“Same to you,” Lemony replied as Bertrand came over to hug him and Violet goodbye. Bertrand gave Violet another kiss on her forehead and kissed Lemony on his lips.

“See you soon, kiddo. Love you,” he said to Violet. He then turned to Lemony. “Please stay safe…love you,”

“Love you both,” Lemony replied. “I’ll be watching the skies for your letter,”

“You know one day, Bertrand and I are going to clear your name,” Beatrice said as she turned to go through the secret tunnels that led out of the sub-basement.

“Even if you clear my name with the authorities...our enemies,”

“Our enemies...can burn,” Beatrice replied coldly.

“If we fight fire with fire…” Lemony began.

“The whole world goes up in smoke,” Bertrand finished.

Beatrice rolled her eyes. “See you soon,” she said. “Love you,”

And with that Lemony and Violet were left in the sub-basement of Hotel Denouement as Lemony could hear the cries of both Bertrand and Beatrice as they echoed through the tunnels. Violet began to cry when she realized that the two people she was used to being around all the time were now gone and she was left with a relative stranger.

Lemony looked down at Violet. “How...how could VFD take a child so small and precious?” he asked aloud thinking of himself. He couldn’t have been too much older than Violet when VFD recruited him and his siblings.

He sighed and looked down at the crying baby. “I will never let them get you. Neither side. Not the damn organization and not those fucking enemies that I have. I will spend the rest of my life protecting you and everything you care about,” he told the crying infant as he grabbed all of the stuff that Beatrice and Bertrand left for him. “You are my daughter, Violet. I will die for you if it ever comes down to it,” he told her in a cold, soft whisper.

He made his way to the elevator, to the busy lobby of the hotel wondering if he should inform the Denouement brother that the three adults had left his sub-basement. But he didn’t know which brother had shown him the room or which brother owned it. He decided that they would eventually figure it out. He decided to walk home. He didn’t have a car seat in his taxi and he wasn’t going to risk Violet’s life. He made a mental note to buy her a car seat later on that day. As he walked home, he spoke to Violet about happy moments in his life, about how happy he was to have her even if it was a few days…

But it wasn’t for only a few days. I hate to inform you but that was the last time that Lemony Snicket had ever seen Beatrice and Bertrand Baudelaire and in turn, that was the last time that Beatrice and Bertrand saw their eldest daughter. Lemony never received a letter via crows because two days later he had to relocate. He even relocated to a place that he was sure Beatrice would try searching for him at, but no such luck. He had stayed for a year at Stain’d by the Sea still having unofficial custody of his daughter. He pondered whether or not to go back to the city. Eventually, he had and eventually, he had stumbled upon news of a terrible fire and if you’ve been following this story as closely as others have then you would know that after that fire, he had tried desperately to help two orphaned children and in time, he met a rather fiery and untimely death. I hate to be the bearer of bad news but...that’s just how the story goes.

In all honesty, you shouldn’t be here. No one should be here. I shouldn’t be here with my associate doing tiresome interviews with witnesses into the Snicket and Baudelaire cases. We shouldn’t be losing sleep tracking down how to enter the sub-basement of Hotel Denouement in hopes of maybe finding the three orphans that this tragic tale revolves around. We shouldn’t be spending our days hanging out at Briny Beach desperately trudging up and down the sand looking for them and I shouldn’t be learning of my associate’s time at VFD because none of this should have happened. But sadly, until Violet Snicket finds a way to build a time machine this is how the story went and these are the things that I have done in order to figure out exactly what happened to these three in hopes of finding them again. But I have my reasons and my associate has her reasons to research this story.

____________________________________________________________

Violet Snicket shifted uncomfortably in the small seat that sat in the middle of Mr. Poe’s poorly decorated office. She held her backpack on her lap and sighed loudly.

“Jacquelyn, explain to me,” Mr. Poe began as he coughed into a handkerchief. “How you found this orphan?”

Jacquelyn sighed. “You know that apartment building that burned down last night,” she explained obviously irritated. “I found her laying down in the park across the street crying. She told me…”

“No,” Violet muttered annoyed. “That’s not how the story went at all. Look,” she said standing up angrily setting her backpack on the chair. “My name is Violet Malina Snicket. My father Lemony Snicket was murdered last night and…”

“I’m sorry...Miss Snicket is it?” Mr. Poe said as he coughed again. Violet wondered if the man was deathly sick. “But there are several things that point to your tale of events being false. For one, the official fire department determined that fire to be an accident…”

“ How!?” Violet shrieked loudly. “I saw him! Well...I saw his ankle and heard a voice!”

“Secondly,” Mr. Poe continued as if she hadn’t even spoken. “Lemony Snicket has been dead for nearly fifteen years. It says so in this old edition of the Daily Punctilio.”

Violet growled in annoyance and glanced over at Jacquelyn, who looked very annoyed herself. “Really? This is who can help me?” Violet asked as Jacquelyn sighed and slowly nodded.

“I’m sorry Jacquelyn but I have no available guardians for her,” Mr. Poe said turning his attention to his secretary. “I can ship her off to Prufrock. They’ve been taking our orphan population recently. The...Quagmire twins and the Baudelaires are currently enrolled there.”

“Look, I am not an orphan. My birth mother is out there somewhere,” Violet corrected as Jacquelyn’s eyes went wide in worry.

“Ah! Lovely!” Mr. Poe said as he coughed. “Then I will spend whatever time I have on searching for her. But until I can send you to her, well... that is if she even wants you…” he began.

“Mr. Poe!” Jacquelyn gasped in disbelief.

“What? It’s true, Jacquelyn. If she gave her up in the first place than she obviously didn’t want her to begin with,” Mr. Poe explains as if Violet wasn’t in the same room as him and Jacquelyn.

Violet just glared at Mr. Poe with a few tears in her eyes. Jacquelyn sighed. “Mr. Poe, may I speak to you in private,” she asks.

He coughs but eventually agrees. “Excuse us, Violet,” Jacquelyn says as she leads Poe out of the office. “Look, just trust me when I tell you that she is who she says she is and she is an orphan,”

“How would you know?” Mr. Poe asked. “She seems to believe that her birth mother is alive and out there. If that’s the case, I will search for her.”

“You don’t get it. Her birth mother is dead.”

“How would you know?”

“You can’t say anything but her birth mother is Beatrice Baudelaire,”

“Nonsense,” Mr. Poe replied as he coughs again. “Beatrice Baudelaire had two children. Both of which cannot be that girl in my office. Klaus is a boy, for starters. Sunny is vastly younger than this child,”

“No. Violet is Beatrice’s first child,”

“No, that’s Klaus. Besides this girl says she is a Snicket,”

“Yes, she is the child of Lemony Snicket and Beatrice Baudelaire,”

“Now, Jacquelyn. You should know that it is very inappropriate to talk badly about the dead. To say that Beatrice cheated on her husband with this dead man is abhorrent and very disrespectful,”

“They...they were in…oh never mind,” Jacquelyn says. “Just send her to Prufrock,”

“That’s the plan until I find her birth mother,”

“You’re...never going to find her birth mother but go ahead waste your time,” Jacquelyn said visibly annoyed.

The two adults went back into the room where Violet was still clutching her backpack. She looked up at the two adults. “So what’s the verdict?” she asked curiously.

“You will be sent to a prestigious boarding school until arrangements have been made,” Mr. Poe explains. “We’ll leave in ten,”

“So soon?”

“Yes. I have just been promoted to Vice President of Orphan Affairs and I am a very busy man. I wish I would’ve known about you yesterday. I had just taken two other orphans there. Maybe you’ll bump into them and become fast friends,”

“I’m not in the mood to make friends,”

“That might change,” Jacquelyn said smiling.

“Are you coming with?” Violet asked hopefully.

“Unfortunately, no. I have to stay here and make a few important phone calls,” Jacquelyn explained as she knelt down to Violet’s level. “Listen to me,” she whispered. “I know that the fire wasn’t an accident. Your father was a good friend of mine and I will help bring that arsonist to justice,”

Violet nodded her head slowly and gave Jacquelyn a small smile. She stood up and hugged the woman. Jacquelyn hugged her back. “Try to make friends...you never know when you might find a strong connection…” she advised.

Violet gave a slow nod not fully understanding what Jacquelyn meant by that but she didn’t have any time to ask the secretary what she meant because before long Mr. Poe was motioning her to follow him to his car where he would drive her to Prufrock Preparatory School.

The second they left, Jacquelyn rushed to the phone and quickly dialed a number.

“The world…” the man on the other end began.

“Is quiet here,” Jacquelyn finished.

“Jacquelyn?” the man asked. “What are you calling here for?”

“I have some...good and bad news for you, Jacques,” Jacquelyn said.

“Can you hold on just a second,” Jacques replied. Jacquelyn could barely hear him but it seemed like he was having a conversation with someone on the other line. “Hey, here. Commonplace notebooks are very useful in our line of work. What color would you like?”

Jacques stopped talking for a split second, Jacquelyn couldn’t hear the other person. “Purple? Good choice. Lovely color,” Jacques said laughing. “Yes, very lovely indeed.”

“Jacques?” Jacquelyn said impatiently.

“Sorry, Jackie. Give me one more second,” he said to her and then he placed the phone against his shirt which made it harder for her to hear. “Hey, do you think you can figure out this map for me?” he asked the other person.

“Jacques is this a bad time…?” Jacquelyn asked seemingly annoyed.

“No, no,” Jacques replied. “I am good now. Just doing VFD business. Are you calling about updates to the Quagmire fire because…”

“No,” Jacquelyn interrupted. “I’m not interested in the Quagmire case right now...this is more important matters,”

“Is Kit okay?” he asked worriedly.

She sighs. “As far as I know...yes,”

“I don’t understand…” Jacques began.

“You...you may want to sit down for this,”

“Wait..is my sister okay?” he asks again, more desperate this time.

“As I said, yes...as far as I know. I haven’t been able to get ahold of her, she’s out looking for a certain piece of porcelain,” Jacquelyn replies sighing. “It’s...it’s about Lemony…”

“Lemony?” Jacques repeatedly ultimately confused. “What about Lemony...he’s been dead for nearly fifteen years,”

“...fifteen hours, maybe,” Jacquelyn corrected.

There was a brief silence, and then Jacques took a deep breath. “Wait...what? You’re not making any sense,”

“Lemony faked his death so many years ago, after the mission at the Opera House…”

“No...he would’ve told me. I drove him to a hideout...he…” Jacques said holding back tears. “Jackie, this isn’t funny,”

“He faked his death and didn’t tell anyone for the longest time. I learned a little bit after the Baudelaire that he was alive,” Jacquelyn explained.

“And you didn’t tell me or Kit?” Jacques asked incredibly pissed.

“He wouldn’t let me. He didn’t want to put you two in any danger,” Jacquelyn replied.

“No,” Jacques replied. “No, I simply don’t believe it,”

Jacquelyn sighed. “What part do you not believe?”

Jacques was quiet for a minute. Jacquelyn could hear small muffled cries. He could hear him telling the person he was with that he was just fine and needed to get some air.

“Jacques?”

“No,” he repeated. “If he faked his death once, who says he isn’t doing the same?”

“Now...Jacques,”

“No, it’s plausible. What was he doing that he came out of hiding? What was so important that he would risk his fucking life,” Jacques asked.

“Beatrice’s children,”

“That lovestruck dumb ass,” Jacques muttered. “What happened? What is happening to Klaus and Sunny Baudelaire,”

“Well...his name rhymes with rice pilaf,”

Jacquelyn could hear an angry growl from Jacques. “That motherfucker,” he muttered.

“He...set your brother’s apartment building on fire,” Jacquelyn explained.

“Did you see a body?”

“What?”

“No body, no proof that he’s dead,”

“Jacques…”

“ No!” he yelled. “Jacquelyn, he couldn’t have been alive for nearly fifteen fucking years and I didn’t know!”

“...Jacques…”

“He faked his death once, who says he...he can’t do it again!”

“I saw the building collapse...there was only one survivor of the Snicket fire,” Jacquelyn explained.

“If there is a survivor then it has to be Lemony!” Jacques yelled. “This isn’t funny, Jackie!”

“Like I said...I doubt your brother survived that fire,”

“Jacquelyn...what do you mean?”

“Lemony has a fourteen-year-old daughter...with Beatrice,”

Jacques gasped. “Wait...that’s...there’s…”

“Her name is Violet Malina,”

“...I have a niece?”

“Yes. Lemony has been on the run, presumed dead, and being a single father for the last nearly fifteen years,”

“But…” Jacques said. “For him to even get...Beatrice would have known?”

“There’s no way to ask Beatrice or Bertrand if they knew of him being alive...seeing that they have suffered the same fate as your brother,”

“If there’s no body, then there’s no way of knowing,” Jacques repeated in disbelief.

“Jacques...denial isn’t healthy,”

“Produce a body and I’ll believe it,” he said sternly.

“Very well,” she replied.

“Where’s my niece now?” he asked.

“Violet is on her way to Prufrock Prep...which conveniently is where her half-siblings are,”

“Then I am also headed to Prufrock,”

“Wait? What?”

“I’m going to help my niece,”

“Lemony and Beatrice specifically…” Jacquelyn began.

“I’m sorry, Jackie. I have to go,” Jacques replied. “Thank you for the information. If Lemony contacts you, I don’t give a fuck what he says I need you to inform me immediately,”

“Jacques…” she started as she heard the dial tone.

[lopez-richter-fangirl]

So. Homecoming. Holy fuck. It’s taken me this long to even start to get my thoughts together. Very spoilery post under the cut. Like, as much as I can possibly remember of the show spoilery. Also rambly. And long. Ridiculously long. So you’ve been warned.

Also disclaimer, this is just homecoming to the best of my recollection and it might not be 100% accurate. So first of all the setlist (this was everything they sang but the order of songs in act 2 is a bit hazy, I think it’s about half right. Also I don’t think hardly anyone at the show could tell you exactly because it was just so overwhelming). They did medleys for all the non-Potter shows in act 1 in reverse chronological order, act 2 they did full songs from all the Potter musicals.

Act 1 TGWDLM, Join Us And Die, Show Stoppin Number We Got Work To Do, Make The Most Of It Ani, With My Own Eyes, Back On Top Gone To Oregon, Naked In A Lake, Speedrun No One Remembers Achmed, A Thousand And One Nights, Happy Ending Holy Musical B@man, Rogues Are We, Superfriends Status Quo, Kick It Up A Notch, I Wanna Be Me And My Dick, Listen To Your Heart, Ready To Go Act 2 Going Back To Hogwarts Harry Freaking Potter To Have A Home Different As Can Be (and reprise) Coolest Girl Cho’s Song Hey Dragon Granger Danger Guys Like Potter Wizard Of The Year To Dance Again Sidekick Voldemort Is Going Down Everything Ends Not Alone Days Of Summer Not Alone (reprise)

Thursday 25th The more I think about it the more I realise I really had no idea what I was expecting from the show. We’d been planning before they even announced what it was to fly out for it, but we had very few details. I didn’t even know they had an orchestra until like two hours before. I’d barely been able to watch any of their rehearsal stories. But I don’t think I’d ever been more excited for anything in my life. I was super excited for AVPW but also, it was my first time seeing any of them, the whole thing felt like a dream, and I had no idea how much it was gonna mean to me so it didn’t even hit me properly until the last night. Whereas I already knew exactly how special this would be, it was entirely once in a lifetime and I was nearly shaking.

Outside the theatre I’ve said it before but genuinely my favourite place in the world to be is surrounded by Starkid fans. Seeing people in cosplay, in merch, talking about the same shows and people I love, I just get such a sense of ‘this is home’. There was the classic waiting-in-line going back to hogwarts singalong. And some la dee da da day thrown in for good measure. Liam was walking along the line filming and doing interviews for the bts. Tessa got out of a car right next to us, we saw Jade and Traci and their friend Bella. They’re all gorgeous it’s insane and unfair.

Inside the theatre Spent over $100 on merch but honestly could have spent so much more, really I showed a lot of self restraint. They didn’t have the programmes though which I’m still heartbroken over. Saw Denise Richter which I was maybe too excited about. Didn’t speak to her or anything but even just to see her she exudes kindness she’s the best. Then we were hanging out in the lobby and Tessa was talking to everyone and hugging them and taking selfies and jumping in people’s group pics and I love her. Like she made my night even without me talking to her because she was SO sweet to everyone she spoke to and I was stood there falling in love with her by the second. Also, let’s talk about how cool the venue was? It looked unbelievable and they had a bunch of posters up with AVPM quotes. And the stage? Y’all have seen by now but they made it look like an actual homecoming dance and it was amazing. Considering how far back our seats were it was actually a very good view, it helped that I had an aisle seat so had a clear view of the entire stage. I’ve posted the pre-show playlist here, it was perfect, especially the JATP like, hell yeah to celebrating all their various projects. At this point I literally thought I was gonna die of excitement. AJ and Clark came on stage and as much as I was having great fun freaking out with the groupchat about how soon the show was I couldn’t wait to put my phone away cause that meant the show was starting. And then the lights went down.

Darren Very pleased to say it was not the Darren show, even though he did give the opening and closing speech. And as much as I have opinions about him, when he walked out for the first time it was a pretty special moment because it’s like, this is it this is really happening. The amount of energy in that room when he came on stage my god. You would not have believed there were only 1600 people there. The whole show people could barely get a sentence out without cheering, which in hindsight was probably annoying but it just shows how incredibly loved they are, and we were as grateful to them as they were to us. I loved the atmosphere in both shows, it was completely different both times and I’ll obviously get to the Friday night show, but there was something special about being in a room of majority backers, all of us seeing these show for the very first time, it was totally new. Again, literally no idea what to expect and it was the most exhilarating feeling. Darren did a little ‘look for your exits pretend we’re at Disney’ which was cute after being at Disney for two days beforehand. Classic starkid fashion, he told us they had no idea how long the show would run for. He made a G.L.E.E. joke so it’s nice to know he’s still on our side at the end of the day. I don’t know if it was him that talked about Starkid performing with a 13 piece orchestra for the first time, but I’m gonna bring it up here anyway. I’m so grateful they were overfunded and that they were able to have the orchestra, because it’s probably something they really wanted and it’s also something they 100% deserve. I’d sell my soul to hear every starkid song with that orchestra, it was magnificent. I really hope we do get an album because it all sounded SO GOOD. Unsurprisingly don’t remember much else of what Darren said because I was just so excited for the show to start.

TGWDLM medley  So as soon as the opening started playing even as Darren was still introducing people went insane, literally within two seconds I knew undoubtedly that this was gonna be the best two hours of my life (also the fastest. Often watching theatre shows I lose attention a little bit but there wasn’t a single second of this show that I wasn’t 100% in the moment they’re completely captivating, and it went by way too fast). Oh wow this is where we got to see Joey and Lauren for the first time. Fuck. I cannot describe to you how good they looked. Pictures do not do it justice. Thank god the mustache was gone. Thank god Lauren didn’t wear the boots. She was wearing my favourite hairstyle. Joey’s hair looked great. Their outfits were incredible. They literally could not have been more perfect looks for me and I’m so grateful. I could have cried happy tears at seeing them. This in itself could go on for five pages so I’ll leave it there. They all did the whole iconic zombie pose entrance. Corey sang Joey’s astronomical line which was kinda a shame cause I love the way he sings that line however I’m glad they did it like that cause Joey got to sing a lot in the show (still not enough for my liking but then again my liking is Joey and Lauren singing the whole show so I’m good). Wish they did Lauren’s ‘pines after a cute lil barista’ bit. Also kinda wish they did inevitable so Jon could sing because I love him and he deserves better @ starkid when are you going to hire me. However they made up for that when Jaime went ‘it is time’ and the room was absolutely electric because everyone knew exactly what was coming. That note had me shook from the moment I heard it on the digital ticket and I feel honoured to have heard it in person. Jeff was still her hype man. Jaime’s voice is honestly out of this world, she’s the person I’d most heard sing live but it was still mind blowing. She’s incredible I love her so much. Then Robert came on stage so like, room exploded again. Joey and Lauren should have been on stage doing their bit for show stopping number but again, what do I know? This song was 100% pandering but as much as it’s overhyped it is a good song and Robert fucking killed it, he actually impresses me so much. His voice? He did the hip wiggles, maybe even more than were in the show, and people went absolutely wild for it. He did the working boys bit and of course everyone lost their minds. And I loved it, I loved that atmosphere of everyone being entirely obsessed with every tiny thing these people do because that’s what connects us all. Jon did get to be a working boy (as did Mariah) and sounded great. They actually sang so much of this song holy shit definitely pandering. But they really were giving Hamilton some competition.

Firebringer medley Lauren Walker introduced this one, do I remember what she said? No, I was too busy wondering if they were going to sing Climate Change. They didn’t. You sang three songs from every other show but two from firebringer and one of them wasn’t climate change? Okay sure. This sounds like I’m complaining I’m not this section was still gorgeous and I loved every second of it. Hearing music from firebringer was amazing because it has some of my favourite music from all the starkid shows, and also because apart from TGWDLM which was so recent it’s the only show we hadn’t heard anything from since. They sang we got work to do which again, pandering and not even to what most people actually wanted if we’re being honest. But I’m happy about it because hearing Lauren sing that first line was a spiritual experience. Her voice? No words. So good. Can’t believe I got to hear it live? Properly?!? Also Joey got to be in this bless his heart and I couldn’t stop watching him doing the choreography. Lauren’s little expressions throughout the whole thing are adorable god I love her. Meredith sounded so good. Rachael got so much of a cheer when she sang her bit. Joey comforted Joe after the shadow bit. Then they sang from the proposal bit of the finale. Brian was pretending to be jealous when Meredith was singing to Lauren which made my life, p.s. Joey step up your game. The first time hearing Lauren sing ‘this is the dawn’ literally took my breath away. And with that orchestra!? (Will I ever shut up about the orchestra? The answer is no). The CHEERS for ‘we are womankind’. Hell yeah. And then Lauren did the arm thing like way to literally flex on us Lo. Not okay. They did the little Molag dialogue bit and Denise did the being-blessed-with-knowledge face. Watching Denise off to the side was honestly one of the highlights of the whole show. 

TTO medley

Now I’m questioning my memory but I think Jaime went offstage after Firebringer when she wasn’t supposed to because I’m sure I remember her not being on stage for this at first. Like everyone else was there and there was a moment where I was like ‘I feel like someone’s missing...’ and then Jaime walked on late. She did mention Julia having to remind her of her cues. Anyway. Gone to oregon was first and I was reminded what an actually good performer Jeff is. He’s great in that show. Corey got the cheers he deserved at his ‘wisconsin’ bit. Lauren singing Naked in a lake was beautiful. Even if not enough people sang with her when she asked for help (spoiler, we stepped up Friday). She was definitely trying to get us to sing the high bits cause her voice was tired and she didn’t want to but that’s fine. This was one of the songs from that show I really wanted them to sing and I’m glad they did, it’s so much fun. Also Lauren does kinda steal the show but watching everyone else in this song is great. Shoutout to the sax guy, I’m glad we as a fandom always appreciate the band/orchestra. I still can’t believe everyone just lets Lauren sing a whole song about skinny dipping but I’m here for it. Then they did speedrun which was. An experience. Still think Joey should have sung wagon on fire but would I have passed out most likely yes so maybe it was better off this way. I’m glad Rachael got a moment. The ‘faster’ bit was fucking insane I don’t know how they had the breath for it. Everyone clapped pace and I’m pretty sure we clapped faster than the song ever goes so, sorry guys that you had to go through that? I think I have a newfound appreciation for this song. It was either in this or possibly in Naked in a lake that Joey did something stupid and Lo looked at him and shook her head. There were a lot of little looks throughout the show and trying to catch each other’s eye across the stage and it was very cute and probably won’t make the cut even though it should it’s the best part of the show.

Ani medley Moses introduced it and he was wearing like the jacket that’s one of his costumes and he wore in the final SK10 livestream idk you guys I’ve seen that show twice. The Ani band is fucking great, they had Mark, Nick Gage (?? idk there was definitely a fourth person I was mostly watching Meredith let’s be real here), Clark and Meredith all sing. Meredith had the biggest smile on her face at all times it was a joy. Ani is such a fun song so many starkid songs are so fun. Also they added a key change (was it even a key change? I’ve never studied music whatever they did it sounded good.) Actually the whole arrangement of this medley I loved, I hope it makes the people who don’t appreciate the music in this show appreciate it. With my own eyes is my favourite song in that show and I’m very happy they did it. They should have had Denise do her choreo when they did Back on top tbh. I love Meredith in this song though.

Twisted medley Joe came out to introduce it but kept hyping everyone up about Ani first. I really miss Joe he has so much onstage energy. I knew they were doing No one remembers achmed but I was still so excited about it. It’s such a good song. And the whole ‘you ooze sex’ bit in the flesh? That’s all. Obviously the best part was everyone yelling tigerfucker. Experiencing that in person is unbeatable. Then they had Britney and Carlos sing their version of 1001 nights and it was beautiful, I very rarely listen to that version of the song but I should, Britney is unbelievable and I love her so much. I can’t believe she’d just flown in and had such a rough time right before the show, you wouldn’t have known it. Dylan walked out and I kinda thought they were gonna have him and Meredith do a quartet (starkid when are you gonna hire me??) but then he sang ‘and with my wife beside me’ and I was like :’) this is good. That part of the song always gets me and Dylan’s voice is a goddamn gift. I love the overlapping parts at the end of Happy ending too so it’s always a good choice. But why they didn’t sing dream a little harder when Alex was right there I do not know. 

HMB medley Pretty sure they had Julia introduce it? Guys it’s been a week gimme a break. Either way she definitely introduced something at some point and I’m glad everyone cheered so much for her because she was the glue of Starkid for a while. Nick Gage sang HMB and they had a reverb (again, is that the right term? not a clue) and he looked so pleased with himself every time we laughed. Then they sang rogues are we (rogues medley would have been better but in fairness that would have ruined the whole thing they had going). I do love Lauren singing we are the harlots and the hussies. A lot. But Denise does it so well. And Jaime’s ‘we’re rising up from the underground’?? I don’t think I have a single thing to say about any of the men in this song and I’m not sorry. Superfriends sounded very cool. It doesn’t matter how many times I see it, I always love the matching tattoos bit, and seeing Meredith’s story afterwards about how she was directing hers at Jade made it even better. I don’t even remember who sang Robin’s lines because I was too busy watching Lauren do the dance, she’s adorable. It was funny watching like five of them doing it cause they were the only ones who had learned it before and the rest not knowing it. Also, I don’t know which makes me happier, when they point into the audience for ‘I wanna be your friend forever’, or when they point at each other. Both are good.

Starship medley Denise introduced the show and um hi I love Denise she’s so cute. She said the thing about her mom calling Starship a show for dreamers and I still think that’s the most adorable thing. I will say for the rest of time that having Alex and Mariah sing Status quo was a weird choice. Also made me pissed that basically no one cheered for Alex but of course everyone went fucking crazy for Mariah. Not even that Mariah didn’t deserve it, but she didn’t deserve it more than Alex. Just saying. It did sound very good with the orchestra and they both have good voices, but I still think we deserved it sounding good with JOEY and the orchestra. I would have died to hear Joey sing that song. Moving on though. Kick it up a notch is always better in rogues medley but I do adore the Jim Brian and Jaime trio anyway. And it’s SUCH a good song. Then they sang I wanna be which I was psyched about I love that song (it was straight from Brant’s verse though like hello what happened to Joey rights). Hearing the older songs makes me wish so much they’d remount them because they all sound so good now it would be amazing. Joey’s voice is legitimately a blessing from the gods. 

MAMD medley Brian introduced the show and walked away from the mic before he said dick, which was funny but also reminded me of how they said this would be the most PG show starkid had done which is laughable. Joey did a whole bit in the beginning that reminded me a lot of his jekyll and hyde performance in shitty broadway. I love that man. Again, we deserve a remount of this show if only for Joey’s voice. Then we have maybe the most iconic moment of the thursday show which is when Joe had way too much excitement for his entrance, fucking sprinted on stage, knocked over the mic stand and had to rescue it, spraining his ankle in the process. And recovered BADLY, he was trying to figure out what to say to pull it back and Joey basically had to tell him to just sing already. I feel a little guilty now because it looked pretty bad, but it was really fucking funny. And then the cheer at the head tilt, why do we all love it so much??!? Then Joey sang Listen to your heart with AJ (him and Brian are a better duo fight me). I loved their little added dialogue, with Joey being like ‘do I smell?’ and AJ being like ‘so bad’. I always always love the little dance break Joey is the sweetest boy. I think I remember something like ‘am I doing it?’ ‘not even close Joey’. Then Alle Faye and Ali came out for ready to go and it went from their bit. It was really nice seeing them back together again. It wasn’t like nearly ten years had gone by at all. God it’s weird how nostalgic I was/am for something I wasn’t even there for. The ‘we’re finally ready’ bit sounded so gorgeous with the orchestra, I had it stuck in my head for days. They slowed it down, and we had everyone on stage, and it was just beautiful. The perfect way to end the act, which was over way too soon, and I was already feeling sad about the show nearly being over even though there was so much good to come. Wait how could I forget to mention the ‘my hormones are freaking out’ bit. Fuck all of them for that. Even if I pretty much just watched Lauren with a quick glance at Joey, which is an accurate description of what I did for a lot of the show.

Intermission First quick thing to say, as much as I wish we’d heard some more full songs from the non-Potter shows, I think I like that they kept it separate. The first half was celebrating everything they achieved since where it all started for them, and the second half was pure nostalgia. And even though I wish it wasn’t the case, more people know the potter shows so it was kinda nice that everyone was even more united than they had been for the first half. Secondly, what I should have done during intermission was used the time to recover, because the show was a whole lot of excitement and emotions and I knew it was only going to get worse in the second half. But instead I yelled to the groupchat and met @starkidmelly. More JATP was played, everyone was buzzing, I couldn’t believe I was there. I think it was a long intermission but it did not feel it, Nick came out on stage and it’s like oh shit here we go again.

Nick’s speech He worried me because he said he wanted to take a minute to get sentimental, and I’d already cried a couple of times it was too early in the show to do it again. But then he just talked about the movie Starkid and how it was a bad movie and made us all laugh which I appreciated. What I really did love was how much people cheered for him when he came out, and also for Matt in the audience when Nick shouted him out. Especially on that first night the happiness on Nick’s face at everyone cheering made me want to cry it was so special and he deserves every bit of it and you could tell it still comes as a surprise even now. Also I’ll tag it on now because I don’t remember exactly at what point it was, but at some point in the second act Corey was telling people to stop filming, which kinda made me mad cause they’d asked people not to film and he looked so mad, but was also kinda funny because like, it’s one thing being stopped from filming by an usher but it’s a whole other thing being stopped by Corey Lubowich himself. I probably would have volunteered to leave the theatre if I disappointed Corey like that tbh. But anyway back to Nick, he introduced GBTH with the original cast of AVPM and everyone fucking lost it.

GBTH So you already know what you’re about to be blessed with and then you hear that opening note and people are impossibly screaming even louder and Darren comes onstage and crouches down and it’s like nothing has really changed at all. I’ve been in a room of people singing this song before and it was magical, but this was even more people and even more special. This is where it all started, and there we were ten years later. And it was so surreal actually hearing them sing this in person. Darren put the glasses on and people went insane. The amount of anticipation I felt for Joey’s entrance was ridiculous, and he got the cheers he deserved (almost. he always deserves more). And no matter how many times we see it or how long it’s been it always makes me feel a lot of feelings seeing Darren and Joey on stage singing this together. Joey messed up the floo powder a bit and it was cute. Still iconic. It was deafening when Bonnie came out, which I guess was to be expected we haven’t seen her in nine years. I will say that she did look genuinely happy to be there, and they looked genuinely happy to have her there. Plus the line ‘why do you have to be such a buzzkill’ was so much more funny with the irony of her pretty much bringing the house down. The nostalgia factor ramped up even more here and it was pretty awesome to have that original trio back on stage after so long. Again, so much but simultaneously so little had changed in ten years and trying to articulate those feelings would require a hundred page essay. I didn’t expect them to change the original but I still think they should have kept Lauren’s altered ‘that would be cool’ line. It’s better. But I digress. Jaime got to do her bit and it was a masterpiece. But rest in peace to the whole Cho Chang and Cedric bit, you were deeply missed. Lauren’s entrance, do I even need to say more? Fucking iconic as ever. One of the best moments in all of history. I’m glad they kept in most of the dialogue-y bits although I do not remember what her accent was like. People delivered on ‘whatever I say’ and I love how that’s become our thing. The train bit always makes me emotional, even more so this time with so many people old and new onstage. I always think of Lauren saying she hates the train move but she should have told her face that. Dylan did his entrance from the back of the theatre aka right by us and it was magnificent, he held the note all the way down to the front. They added in the lines about sorting here so Tyler got to do ‘hufflepuffs are particularly good finders’ which was a good choice they did good on that one, Dylan’s ‘what the hell is a hufflepuff’ was drowned out by people still cheering for Tyler, it was a pretty great moment. I may have cried a bit at ‘it’s all that I love and it’s all that I need’. Just a bit. I loved so much that they got everyone to be a part of this song.

Harry Freaking Potter Have I lost all my memories of this song? Maybe. I remember it being amazing. Predictably I watched Lauren a lot, it’s very hard not to she’s so cute when she’s dancing. It’s funny to me how they hold out the mics for the last ‘harry freaking potter’ but most people are already cheering so they get nothing. They should have learned by now.

To Have A Home Was possibly next? I know I got teary again pretty early on in the act (saved the full crying at this song for Friday though stay tuned). I know I’m very far from being the only person who felt the most at home I’ve ever felt. How can you not, surrounded by so much support and mutual love for these incredible people who’ve done so much for us. Starkid is a huge family and it’s tangible in moments like that. And ‘to know this is real’ hits hard. Especially because you can really feel it from Darren, as famous as he is now being on stage with his friends is truly home.

Different As Can Be There’s just something about this song that brings so much energy and Joe and Brian are an iconic duo. And they brought the Quirrelmort vibes strong. Loved everyone shouting ‘prevails’. I’m super glad they did the reprise too. The reaction when they go back to back is incredible. Also, Joe’s ‘Quirrell’ was impeccable. 

Coolest Girl I will say to Bonnie’s credit that she did a very good job opening this song, considering how many people were there and how much pressure there must have been seeing as she’s suddenly making a reappearance after so many years. And she did get a lot of love for it. But Meredith coming out to duet with her actually made me cry, she looked so happy and they did a cute little ‘hi’ and I really truly consider this Meredith’s song, even if she didn’t originally sing it, so I’m glad she got to do it. It was a special moment having them sing it together with no resentment or jealousy. And then Meredith confirmed that Bonnie was pregnant again at the end of the song.

Cho Chang Of course Darren sang this. Of course. What would a starkid show be without Darren playing his dumb songs on guitar. But nothing beats a room full of people shout-singing ‘that’s in canada’ (side note, why did this stick so much? every time I saw it on the map when I flew to Canada it’s all I could think of). But also, idk why Darren introduced this song by saying he wanted to test if we knew the words like buddy pretty sure we know the words to your songs better than you do but sure.

Hey Dragon More of Darren playing dumb songs on guitar but this is also a pretty fun song so we’re letting it slide. Also he did say that he didn’t want to do this song and said they should cut it to make time for better songs but that everyone else made him do it, which does not surprise me. He obviously had to call out his own songwriting abilities from ten years ago, it makes me laugh every time he does it but this time he really came for himself with how bad the rhyming was and how the lyrics are dumb. I love that he can’t get through the song without laughing because it is pretty stupid but we love it anyway. They trusted us on the ‘la la la’s and I think we came through. 

Granger Danger Okay. OKAY. So after all that Darren was like ‘let’s take it to a school dance’ which did not register for me at all because that song has gone way beyond that and now it’s just Joey and Lauren’s song. But then Darren’s playing it (which I found ??? sweet?? for some reason? idk it was good) and Joey and Lauren are on stage and I’m like here we fucking go. This is what I’m here for. Cannot begin to describe how happy I was to hear this song. I literally had said I refused to die before I heard them sing this live and now it will forever be one of the highlights of my life. The amount of power on that stage. Also the amount of attractiveness. They honestly are a power couple. The most iconic duo singing one of the most iconic songs. Their stage presence just blows me away. And it always makes me feel things too because they’ve done this song so many times and when they were first performing it they had no idea where they’d end up and now they’re fucking living the dream together and I can’t believe how far they’ve come. This is a hole we don’t need to go down though. It absolutely is a crime that they haven’t had more songs together but it does make this one particularly special because it’s fucking THEIR song and there’s no doubt they love performing together and their chemistry is so good anyway anyway I swear I’ll get back on track. This song with the orchestra??!? Holy shit you guys it sounded so good. They managed to take a song I love with every inch of me and make me love it even more. They came out and did a handshake because they’re fucking dorks. My heart genuinely felt like it was about to pump out of my chest, the adrenaline rush from seeing this live was crazy it’s a fucking experience. Joey was remarkably in character when it got to Lauren’s bit but she could not be in character for the life of her when he was singing my god she just did not give a fuck. Her heart eyes were off the charts I swear to god I couldn’t believe that dumb girl. Also Lauren was practically making love to her mic stand half the song which was honestly unnecessary but I love her. And her looking at her crotch murdered me. And then Joey was looking at her for most of the ending and she didn’t look at him once so she sucks. As always the last note was heavenly. When do we get a two hour concert version of this song??

Guys Like Potter Maybe came next? I love the apocalyptour arrangement of this song but it was nice to throw it back to the original and Tyler’s great. Joe tried? We’ll leave it at that.

Wizard Of The Year I think this followed after purely because of AJ saying something like ‘that’s enough about that Potter boy’?? And then he only went and did the whole fucking mouse monologue. And the entire time I was sat there having an internal conflict between ‘this is one of the funniest things I’ve ever witnessed’ and ‘they could have used this time to do climate change’. Honestly hearing him pull that out was wild. But then he sang the song and some of the girls came out to do the ‘gilderoy’ bit (which was the best part duh).

To Dance Again The beginning of this song is always iconic. Most important thing to say here is how I’m even more impressed now with Joe’s dancing after seeing what his ankle looked like. Also, hearing all the tapping (thudding) from the audience brings me inexplicable joy. Lauren ran on stage before her cue when Darren came off and had to book it back off and I feel a bit bad immortalising it because I’m sure she’s glad they weren’t filming that night. While we’re on the subject, the Thursday show was a little messy but like, there were no HUGE fuck ups apart from maybe Joe’s in MAMD and it was all surprisingly well rehearsed considering they’d had barely two days of rehearsal and they’re all so so impressive. Still think they should have had a 40 person kickline but the three person Joe Darren and Brosenthal kickline was still pretty good. Also, I remember someone doing a very cool harmony? It maybe sounded like Holden? His voice is underrated. 

Sidekick I cannot remember for the life of me if this is actually where this song goes?? I don’t remember if Joey went offstage or not. I just know that he ended up alone on stage and I damn near lost my mind. I know I’ve said it before but Joey’s performance of sidekick genuinely is a show stealer and I never in a million years thought I’d get to see it live so I feel extremely privileged that I did. God bless whoever included this in the setlist you have my eternal thanks. It’s what Joey deserves (and what I deserve). His voice!?! The high notes?!? Still love the irony of Joey singing this song. Classic cheering at ‘am I the hottest’ because yes you fucking are. He messed up a bit and sang ‘am I the one who takes you home’ twice but we love him. He absolutely killed it and being reminded that they’d not long got back from SDCC and finding out he had a fever made me even more impressed because you literally wouldn’t have known it.

Voldemort Is Going Down More on Joey continuing to kill it (but maybe not in this order). It was good to hear this song again, it slaps. And they all sounded so good too. And there was a super cool little piano riff at one point. This song makes everyone so hype I love it so much.

Everything Ends Haha tear time (jk just about managed to save them for Friday). But it is very much when things get sad because you can feel that the show’s coming to a close. This was Robert’s duet with a person he’d never sung with before and it sounded beautiful. We got the return of Joe’s snape voice or am I imagining that? I don’t remember what he said but I’m sure he said something and it probably made me sad. Literally the whole end of the show is just a blur because I couldn’t believe it was almost over so quickly.

Not Alone Jaime. Just, Jaime. Incredible every time she sings this song. Also, so many AVPW feelings because this is what they came out and sang and this song has been extra special to me since. So I was in tears from the get go tbh. God I’m really really really missing AVPW today so this is a lot just thinking about it. And personal feelings about Bonnie and also how much I love newer arrangements of not alone aside, it was unimaginably special to see the original four singing this together again. 

Days Of Summer We knew they’d save this to the end (or at least so we thought) but it was still a bit of an asshole move ngl. Like, do you enjoy our suffering? Seeing everyone on stage together singing this song that’s at the heart of starkid, if there was anyone who didn’t cry I applaud them. Darren gave a closing speech where he didn’t thank half the people he needed to because he hadn’t rehearsed. I wish I remembered more of what he said because it wasn’t exactly the same as Friday, it also didn’t make me cry half as much which I guess was a bonus. They did the little going back to hogwarts reprise probably partly to make us all feel a bit better and got everyone on their feet for it and as much as I never know which house to say I still love that moment of everyone yelling their house. Then they had “curtain call”, except they faked us out because Brian stayed on stage with his fist in the air and I’m like okay what are these idiots up to now. And Nick came out to tell him they sang all the songs and Voldemort’s dead, which of course meant ‘dead?! *skips stone*’ and we all needed that laugh. And then Joe came out and they did the ‘okay is good’ bit so I was sad again and god they really messed with our emotions. And everyone came back out and did the not alone reprise and literally stomped all over my heart because ten years ago they did the exact same thing, except now they were on a bigger stage with a bigger audience and a bigger family and they’ve all grown so much and achieved so many amazing things in their careers and their personal lives and they’ve grown up a lot but they’re still these college kids at heart who love performing with their friends and making people laugh and I didn’t want to leave my seat after they all walked offstage because it really felt like my soul had left my body and I was just completely emotionally drained. And unbelievably happy that I was getting to experience it all again the next day.

Friday 26th The one thing I have to say about the line this time round is shoutout to the kid handing out red vines, I don’t know how many people actually wanted one but it made me smile. As we were waiting in the lobby we saw Denise x2 (Joey’s mom still looked like the embodiment of kindness and Denise always seems so happy to be there I love them both).

Anyway when we got to our seats I just sat down and was internally screaming because we were So Close to the stage and I was like how on earth am I going to survive seeing this much beauty. Also I knew that some people had different outfits and I was trying to figure out if Lauren and Joey were wearing the same thing cause that was the most important thing so it was an anxious wait. Then when they came out being that close to the crop top nearly killed me and Joey looked even hotter in that red shirt than he did on Thursday so like, I want that image tattooed on my eyelids.

Oh and we saw MK, Sean, Sarah and Whitney up in the balcony before the show started. This is how the conversation went down... Sophie: is that MK up there? Me: I think so, that looks like Sean Sophie: it doesn’t look like Sean? (spoiler alert, it was Sean)

Also to quickly go back to the live atmosphere, Friday night was INSANE oh my god. Whether it was that it was the last show or whether it was being closer to the stage but the room was absolutely electric, it seemed like so many more people - including me this time - were singing and fucking reciting all the lines like it makes me so happy that we’re all fucking nerds who love these other nerds to death and memorise all their shows. As was my plan, the first night I took everything in and then the second night I just got to enjoy it and make the most of it. So the Thursday show it was kind of like I was observing everything but Friday I was LIVING it, and I really was living. It was a fucking party. And I could anticipate what was coming and it somehow made it even more exciting than witnessing everything fresh for the first time. I was literally sat there having the time of my life for two hours and I hope they all saw it, they would have just seen me with a huge fucking grin the whole time (apart from when I was crying we’re not talking about that rn). Maybe the most fun I’ve ever had. It made all the money I’d spent to get there 10000% worth it because as amazing as the DVD is going to be and you bet I’m getting it (well the digital download shipping’s an outrage), you can’t buy the atmosphere in the room and it was incredible to be there.

Okay y’all know the drill now so this is gonna be quickfire:

Act 1

Seeing everyone doing their crazy eyes in TGWDLM up close was an EXPERIENCE. Jon was a stand out. Also Jaime. Being so much closer the energy was so much higher for Join us and die. I think that was really my main thing about Friday, aside from how emotions were even higher, was how crazy the energy was it was SO MUCH FUN. And Robert is pretty great.

Have I mentioned Lauren’s look nearly killing me? Yes? Good. The gay came out full force in Firebringer. Lo’s talent is out of this world and I feel so lucky to have witnessed it live.

So many more people sang for Lauren in Naked in a lake and she looked so happy my baby. I made eye contact with her at one of the points she was holding the out mic for the audience to sing so I’m glad she saw me (quietly but extremely enthusiastically) singing my heart out for her. Joey made Lauren laugh when they were dancing during speedrun and it’s the most adorable shit I’ve ever seen. Those two are genuinely in their own world half the time they’re on stage together and I live for it.

Carlos wasn’t there this night so I think Dylan should have filled in for his verse of 1001 nights but my ideas are worthless right? Oh have I mentioned how much I live for over a thousand people yelling tigerfucker? And Robert smashed ‘he fucked a tiger’. Also I’m sure they did it the first night too but I noticed even more Denise and Meredith encouraging everyone to cheer when Joe was doing the dialogue bit I adore them.

Brant got so out of time on I wanna be my god Joey looked like he was trying to telepathically tell him to slow down but he never really recovered. But the chaotic energy felt appropriate? It’s not a starkid show without a mess up.

Joe’s MAMD entrance was more controlled this time but honestly it’s a shame the fuck up won’t be on the filmed version because it was definitely a highlight (I hope you’re okay Joe). Mere and Brian had their arms round each other when they were singing ready to go and I was hit with the ‘oh my god they’re getting MARRIED’ feels. Look how far they’ve come. They were also making faces at each other during one song, I don’t remember which one, and giving Joey and Lauren a run for their money for being in their own world. Still not nearly as bad though.

Intermission 

I remember even less of this intermission than the first one. I was just in total shock. Also when we came back from the intermission Nick went ‘two people just got engaged’ and almost literally stopped my heart like I KNOW that’s not how it’s gonna happen but where did he expect me to go with it. And then he wanted to be reminded of their names but someone shouted ‘Joe and Traci’ so he had to be like ‘no I’m not talking about them’ which made me laugh a lot.

Act 2

GBTH was somehow even better this time round. It’s actually a spiritual experience. 100% my happy place. Also Joey didn’t have the headband the first night and I didn’t know I needed it until he came out wearing one on Friday, it was weirdly emotional.

To have a home was worse this time around because I had to come to the realisation that I was gonna leave this home behind. That’s always the worst part, it was the same with AVPW, it’s not just that I miss it it’s also that it’s this happy, safe little bubble where everything feels okay and it’s so sad to lose that. So yeah, cried a lot this time. Also Darren went offstage on Thursday too in the instrumental but this time he went offstage and ran round to the other side to come back on which was so much better good job Darren.

When Lo and Joey shook hands for granger danger they both had such cute smiles my HEART. Lauren still had heart eyes for Joey singing, she was just stood there grinning at him the whole time she loves him so much jesus christ. Also she was staring at him when they were both singing the ‘falling in love’ bit just saying. And they got super close to each other for the end but kept alternating looking at the other person and the audience so they were never actually looking at each other and it KILLED me I hate them. I also didn’t even think twice about singing Lauren’s part during granger danger until halfway through oops and now I kind of want to apologise, Mr Joey Richter I love you.

You could tell there were a fair few people in the audience who’d seen one or both of the other shows and knew what was coming so actually shouted out ‘what’s your fantasy’ when AJ was working up to the mouse monologue which made it even better. It was just as insane and funny the second time, but I still couldn’t believe they actually put it in there.

Back to Mr Joey Richter, he brought the house down with sidekick even more than on Thursday. He’s so talented y’all. You’d expect more cheering for ‘am I the one who takes you home’ but the urge for everyone to yell ‘definitely not’ is too much and it cracks me up. And he pointed at the very least in my direction when he sang the last ‘I love being at your side’ so I’ll take it for SURE.

They got everyone standing even earlier on in the show (during voldemort is going down) and I just felt a sense of elation, the whole show but at this point in particular, because everyone was there having a fucking amazing time and pouring out so much love, from our direction and from theirs, and I feel like that song really does do what it’s supposed to and make us feel united.

Everything ends made me cry a lot because it actually was the end this time, and starkid have some fucking heart wrenching goodbye songs that are supposed to make you feel better but really don’t at all. Not alone made me cry more, obviously. Days of summer was so much worse because it really was goodbye, me having to say goodbye to seeing them and one of the best experiences of my life, them having to say goodbye to each other. SO. MANY. TEARS.

Random point, Lauren looked so fucking cute when she came out in her varsity jacket with the sleeves pushed up because it was too big for her I just wanted to hug her.

Joey and Lauren kept looking at each other during Darren’s speech, Joey in particular kept trying to catch Lo’s eye which killed me he’s too soft. And Lauren pulled a face at the mention of a twenty year reunion like she felt way too old for that and he was smiling at her I hate them. 

There were a lot of tears, Joey and Tiffany especially and Lauren pulled her trying not to cry face. In the speech Darren said something about starkid bringing about this group of friends and Joey’s wide eyed already-crying-but-trying-not-to-cry-even-more-face was both heartbreaking and funny and I hope it makes it onto the DVD. I don’t remember much else of the speech other than that it was incredibly emotional and it very well summed up a lot of what we were all feeling about the show and how special starkid was. Also I made eye contact with Joey when we were both crying and we smiled at each other (tried to) and honestly that was a bonding moment for us.

And we saw Bob and Denise on our way out which caused a whole lot more feelings because those are their kids up there performing with all their other honorary kids and yep we’re done here.

I don’t really know how to bring this all to a neat end. I don’t really think there is one. It’s an experience that can’t fully be put into words, the emotions it brought up aren’t ones that I can properly label, and it’s going to stick with me forever. But it was a reminder of how special starkid is. Watching their shows at home, scrolling through their social media, of course it brings me so much joy it’s my reason for living. But getting to see them live and feel the impact they’ve had on so many people? Getting to do it with a friend I made because of them? I just wish I had the words or the time to give them the thanks I wish I could. I really hope they felt the sheer, deep love we all feel for them over those two days.

Anyway, I know this was way too long and half of it wasn’t information people care about but I’m done now. And I’m so excited for the DVD and (hopefully) album so I can experience it all again!

[steves-on-a-plane]

A Whole New World

Title: A Whole New World  Words: 1380 Content Creator: @steves-on-a-plane Square Filled: Castle Walls  Rating: G Pairing: Bruce Banner x Reader Warnings/Triggers: none Summary: Reader hasn’t been to Disney World since she married Bruce. They’ve been together for years but now she’s starting to have “Disney Withdrawals.” Bruce suggests a vacation may be in order and Reader gladly takes him up on the offer. Link: @brucebannerbingo

“It’s getting pretty late.” You thought to yourself. A quick check of your watch told you it was just after two in the morning. You looked to the empty spot in the bed where your husband, Bruce, usually slept. Bruce was still up and working in a different part of the house because he thought that’s what you were doing too. He thought this, because you told him that you’d be up in bed working late into the night. You’d been trying to work, at least earlier on, but you kept getting distracted by more interesting things. Things like the entire internet.

Your current distraction were several tabs each open to various sections of the Disney World website. It was no exaggeration to say you were a big Disney fan. You had all the movies on DVD or BluRay and somewhere in the attic you even had an impressive collection of VHS tapes. Over the years you’d collected trading pins, Mickey ears, plush characters and other toys. You even used to visit the parks every year but that was before you met Bruce.

“Are you still working?” Bruce yawned. He’d appeared so suddenly in the doorway. Apparently you hadn’t heard him walk up. He crossed the room and sat in his usual spot in the bed.

“Hmm? Yeah…Or no not really I suppose.” You sighed closing your laptop.

“Got stuck in a loop of cute cat videos? That happens to me all the time.” He joked, rolling his eyes.

“Basically, yeah.” You agree. “Which is too bad because I really need to get this research to my boss by the end of the week.”

“Well you’ve still got some time. It’s what…Wednesday?”

“It’s past midnight so it’s technically Thursday now.” You groan. “I need a vacation.” You add mostly to yourself.

“We should take one.” He said.

“One what?” You looked over at him.

“A vacation. Didn’t you just say you need a vacation?” He asked.

“Yeah, I did.” You nodded. You moved your heavy laptop from your lap to the table by your side of the bed. “But I don’t mean like last year when our vacation was staying out home for a week with our phones turned off.”

“What did you have in mind?” He wanted to know.

“Well, I used to go to Disney World all the time before we were engaged.” You told him.

“Yeah, I’ve seen all your pictures on Social Media. I never really thought to ask why you stopped going.” He confessed guiltily.

“When we were dating, I just went without you. I assumed it wouldn’t be something you’d be interested in. I mean you’ve never been before.” You explained. “When the Avengers first assembled you were so busy that year, you didn’t really take a weekend off let alone a vacation. That was the last year I went.”

“But things settled down after that.” Bruce reminded you. “The team figured things out after the first year or two. I’ve been able to take vacations or extended breaks since then, but it doesn’t matter why we didn’t go in the past. We should go now.”

“Now?” You asked him.

“Well not right now, but this year. We can go whenever you want.” He promised.

“Are you sure? It’s not really your kind of place. Large crowds, Amusement park rides, overpriced fast food. Should I continue?” You questioned.

“Darling, anywhere you are is my kind of place.” He declared

“You’re so cheesy.” You teased him.

“Well I’m serious. We should go!” He insisted. “We could both use the vacation and it seems like Disney World means a lot to you. I’d love for you to show me around, to let me see the place through your eyes.”

“I don’t think you understand what you’re volunteering for here, but if you mean it, I look into booking a vacation tomorrow.” You said.

“Don’t you mean today?” He joked.  

“Ahhhhhh, do you smell that Bruce?” You exclaimed before inhaling another breath of ferns, moss and sunshine.

“Smell what, Florida?” He asked, wheeling his rolling luggage behind him. You’d just been dropped off by a car service at the hotel you’d be staying at for the week.  

“Yesssss.” You sighed with delight. “Isn’t it wonderful?” You grasped the handle of your own luggage and began pulling it along towards the Hotel Lobby.

“I’ll take your word for it.” He chuckled. Bruce was enjoying seeing you so excited. He couldn’t imagine what you’d be like once you got to the actual parks. “Have you stayed here before?” He asked, following you inside the hotel.

“No, but It’s always been on my list! Don’t worry, most of the Disney Hotels are set up pretty much the same so I’ll still know how to get around. Concierge and check in there, Restaurant there, Gift shop over there, a pool somewhere.” You pointed out the various amenities that you could identify from the front door.

“You really have got this all figured out.” Bruce nodded in approval. He let you continue leading the way to the check in desk where you and a Cast Member named Meghan made sure everything on your reservation was in order. Meghan then offered a map with your room number on it and sent you on your way.

“The faster we unpack the faster we can get to the magic!” You announced, pulling Bruce off to a nearby elevator.

“Now that I can smell.” Bruce was standing on the sidewalk at the front end of Main Street eagerly sniffing the sweet scents in the air. “What is that?” He asked you.

“It’s a combination of the popcorn cart at the entrance of the park, the candied and caramel apples being hand made at the Confectionery and the vanilla scent they pump into the streets.” You explained.

“Pumped into…They pay to force scents into the air? No wonder they charge over $100 a day.”  Bruce wasn’t sure if he was impressed or offended by this idea. He decided not to dwell on it. “Where to first?”

“Pirates of the Caribbean!!!” You exclaimed before charging through the crowd. “Oooh but first, castle pic!!!”

You stopped in the middle of Main Street where a Photopass Cast Member was standing by a camera and tripod. Bruce smiled shyly for the camera and you snuggled up close to him, thrilled to have your favorite man in your favorite place. The rest of the day continued on much in the same way with you excitedly bounding from one end of the park to the other and back again. All the while Bruce followed along happy to have his own personal tour guide.

He listened as you squealed with delight as your boat plummeted downwards on the Pirates ride. He watched you talk excitedly with Gaston during your meet and greet. You both laughed when the Beauty and the Beast villain threatened to steal you away from your husband. He enjoyed the lunch you booked at an Italian Restaurant called Tony’s. It was themed after the same restaurant from Lady and the Tramp. And despite the large copper statue of the two titular dogs at the center of the restaurant, Bruce was surprised by how well decorated the place was.

As your first day at Disney World drew to a close, you and Bruce were herded along with several hundred guests standing directly at the front of Cinderella Castle, waiting with eager anticipation for the nightly fireworks to begin. Bruce studied your face, glowing from the soft yellow atmospheric lights around you. Your smile widened as you told him all about the secret hotel room hiding inside the castle. He brushed a loose strand of hair out of your face, not hearing a word you said. How could he? All he could think about was how beautiful you were and how lucky he was to be there with you.

“What?” You looked up at him, noticing him staring at you with a far-off look.

“Nothing.” He said, wrapping an arm around you and pulling you in close. He planted a kiss on the top of your head. You barely heard him whisper “I love you.” Before the park’s speakers will filled with a fanfare of music. The fireworks show was about to begin.

[whisker-biscuit]

Harley Quinn is Not A Good Role Model: Chapter 22

Rated T-M for language and graphic descriptions of violence

Pairing: Dr. Flug/Black Hat

Summary: Dr. Flug Slys is a successful psychiatrist working at one of the world’s most respected mental institutes for the criminally insane. But this new patient is unlike anything he’s ever encountered. Flug is determined to help him, nonetheless.

Black Hat has other ideas.

Chapter 22: Wants and Needs

In the end, they couldn’t pin the prank on anyone. Too many students, too few indicators of who might’ve done it, and not enough disturbance to really be considered vandalism. To make up for the lack of arrests and accountability, the tour group was forced to leave immediately, and as they left the building their professor vowed to make the rest of the term a living hell for everyone.

Dr. Rorschach considered that justice enough, and Flug was inclined to agree with her. Bautista didn’t share the same sentiment.

“This is bullshit,” he announced two hours later in the security room. He, Flug, and their supervisor were watching the footage of Metauro dumping his glitter load all over the unsuspecting psychiatrist.

“Um, when you say that, were you referring to the situation, o-or the inmate with the bull tattoo?” Flug asked innocently, hands in his coat pockets. He was in a wonderful mood.

Bautista shot him a dirty look and gestured at the screen. Pink sparkles still fluttered at the movement. “All of it, dammit! How can we just let them walk away like that? I want to press charges!”

“There’s not enough evidence for us to do so, Doctor.” Rorschach responded coolly. She tapped manicured nails against her glasses, watching the footage with a barely-there glint of amusement.

“We’re a goddamned criminal institute! There has to be some way to make this stick to those kids,” the irate man growled. “I’m not letting a group of delinquents get off scot-free and just go on like nothing happened. They’ll just go on and do it again to some other innocent guy. Perpetuate the cycle.”

“I think you’re using that phrase out of c-context, Doctor,” Flug let his tongue loose. He couldn’t help himself. “And they’re not going unpunished, you heard their professor.”

“I don’t want their class ruined, Slys, I want their chance at this kind of future ruined.” Bautista folded his arms and glared at his boss. “Well? Are you on my side or not? That’s my workspace, I can’t work properly if it’s wrecked.”

“Of course I’m on your side, Dr. Bautista,” Rorschach said, still playing with her glasses. “And rest assured, I’ve already got people cleaning up your office. There’s no need to worry, I’m taking care of it.”

The taller man’s face contorted like he very much didn’t believe her, but he wisely kept his mouth shut. Instead, he turned back to the security footage.

“Fine. Whatever. What are we gonna do about this inmate then? He assaulted me.”

Flug rolled his eyes under his bag.

“He’s been placed in a solitary cell for now, on Floor 4,” the director replied. “I’m planning to talk to his psychiatrist about his recent behavior and see if we can pinpoint why he lashed out like this. I’ve read his file, he’s been fairly docile and well-behaved up until now.”

“I want to be there for that conversation,” Bautista threatened, picking out glitter that was clinging in his lab coat. “And I want to decide how to deal with the inmate.”

“You are completely welcome to join us, Doctor, but as far as ‘dealing with the inmate’ goes, please remember that we are a professional institute. He’ll face consequences for his actions but we aren’t inhumane.”

“Bullshit, all of this,” the psychiatrist swore again under his breath. He spun around and stalked out of the room, calling over his shoulder to get the last word in. “Mark my words, Dr. Rorschach, we’re getting lax here about discipline and it’s going to cost someone. Mark my words. I’m going home to get this shit out of my clothes.”

“Leave is granted,” Dr. Rorschach said quietly as the door slammed shut, fully aware the man couldn’t hear her anymore. She looked over to Flug, who was staring at the footage and trying to figure out if he could sneak off with a copy.

“Dr. Slys?”

“Hmm, what?” He snapped to attention, embarrassed.

“I appreciate your help, but I think I can handle it from here. You’re free to go if you wish.”

“Ah, o-okay. I’ll just do that then. Have a – good luck with everything.” Flug gave one more glance to the video monitor in an attempt to memorize Bautista’s stunned face, then headed out the same way his colleague had left.

It was getting late and a lot of people were clocking out for the day or clocking in for the night. The psychiatrist wavered in the hallway, unsure of what to do. He knew what he wanted to do, of course. He wanted to find Martin, and Dementia, and share the pictures he’d taken. He wanted to see Bautista struggle and curse as he tried to wipe out all traces of glitter from his body – no doubt a feat that would take days. He wanted…

He saw Susie leaving the front lobby.

An image flashed in his head, of her shivering and distraught after being cornered by someone much bigger than herself, of the familiar haunt of her face as she fled two days before.

Flug knew what he wanted to do first. He barely caught her just as she was heading into the staff parking lot.

“Susie, w-wait up!” The psychiatrist called out, trying not to trip himself over the sidewalk. Susie stopped and turned around in surprise.

“Dr. Slys?” She asked, clearly perplexed by his behavior. “Can I help you with something?”

“Yes – I mean, uh, just wait a second,” Flug caught up to her and put his hands on his knees to catch his breath. He was pathetically out of shape. “I wanted to, hang on….okay. I wanted to apologize properly, for the other day. That was really, really not okay.”

She stared at him. “Are you talking about Tuesday?” At his nod, she clenched one hand. “Oh. Well, thank you, Doctor, but that really wasn’t your fault. Dr. Bautista is responsible for his own actions. I’m not – I’m fine now.”

He made eye contact with the nurse, who averted her gaze with her lips pursed. “Oh. I just thought, maybe. Um, I’m not making you u-uncomfortable right now, am I?”

“No, Doctor,” Susie said reassuringly. “If I was uncomfortable, I’d let you know. Don’t worry.”

“Okay. That’s, that’s good then.”

They stood there in awkward silence for a minute, thinking about what to say, both trying to look at each other without giving it away. The nurse cracked first.

“Do you want to meet up this weekend? For, coffee or something?”

Flug blinked. “Uh…”

“I was just thinking that we didn’t, really get the chance to talk on Tuesday like I’d hoped to.” She clasped her hands together at her hips. “That is, if you’re alright with it. I know you’re not fond of socializing with coworkers.”

“I’m not – what? What gave you that idea?”

“I don’t know, you’re always just so busy, you know? And I don’t – I mean, it seems like you never want to stay for lunch or after hours. It’s, uh,” Susie looked away, “there’s actually a bit of a bet among some of the nurses that you don’t like people very much.”

Well they’re not wrong, he thought wryly. Out loud, he attempted damage control. “I don’t mean to be rude, I just, get so focused on my work that I lose track of time. I’m not – I won’t bite, Susie.”

“That’s a relief, I guess,” the nurse smiled just a little bit. “So, um, do you want to meet up sometime this weekend? It doesn’t have to be for long, we don’t have to get coffee either. If you want to.”

Flug considered her, considered her offer. He thought about all the stress these last two weeks, from coworkers and circumstance and certain inmates. It had been a long time since he’d really gone anywhere that wasn’t job-related. And it had been even longer since he’d allowed himself to do anything but work, and plan, and stress.

“You know what? That’d be great, actually.” The psychiatrist said, tilting his head. “I’d love to get together for coffee. I’m pretty free on Saturday, do you have someplace in mind?”

So they made plans for Saturday and parted ways, and Flug felt a little lighter than he’d felt in weeks. There was nothing wrong with treating himself, he decided. Especially not when the prank had gone so smoothly.

It’s great to be back in the game, was the thought that flitted through his mind as he left for the day.

Flug didn’t correct it.

 Friday came agonizingly slow, like the unassuming growth of a blister when one knows it’s happening but can’t take the time to falter in their pace in life. It pissed me off.

I had worked out my thoughts Wednesday night, yes, but that also left the entirety of the next day to sit and do nothing while I waited for my next unfortunate session with dear doctor Flug. There was one moment of that day, however, when one of my guards were made to leave their post by unseen circumstances for over an hour. He came back snickering and the two of them got to gossiping happily about some event with an inmate on a lower floor. I was almost tempted to snap at them for not giving me my due attention.

But I endured.

As one could imagine if they had any intelligence, Thursday evening was used to meditate. I needed – no, I wanted, I had no need of anything – to prepare myself for the inevitable indignity of either seeing Flug again, which would make him an idiot, or never seeing him from now on, which would make him a coward.

Human hypocrisy is so tiring.

In any case, I had plans for both outcomes, and as Friday arrived like the pop of that blister, I waited for our scheduled session to see what I’d be working with. It wasn’t long I had to do so.

The Dusk hit me all in a rush; someone was coming down the hallway towards my cell, and it seemed they had been very busy in the sinister aspects of life. I recognized very well who it belonged to, but it puzzled me greatly. I hadn’t seen Flug in two days, after I’d promised him his death, and there was surely no chance he had been so busy during that time to create such an enticing aura.

So when Flug unlocked the door and stepped inside, I studied his body language for signs of distress. He was…conflicted. There was clear fear in his visage at the sight of me, and his bodyguard was right by his side with a taser in hand. He watched me, the way I perched on my mattress, and I could see the chill go up his spine like a feather.

But there was also a looseness in his limbs that baffled me; a drop to his shoulders that suggested relaxation instead of resignation. And of course his Dusk, which swelled as we made eye contact. It gave him away completely, yet what it was that he gave I was not yet certain of.

Curious and unforgiving, I let him take the first move to dig his own grave even further. He obliged.

“Before we d-do anything else, I th-think we need to talk about, what happened. On Wednesday.” Flug stood by the door and kept my gaze. His body was tense in preparation for an attack.

I lifted one eyebrow but didn’t reply, waiting for the fool to make a deeper hole.

“I’m a-aware that you, um. That you p-probably hate me.”

“Hate has always been an underwhelming word, Flug.”

“Ah, well,” he wavered, “I would – I’m here to inform you that as of n-now, we’re no longer allowing physical c-contact to occur during these, sessions. None at all.”

“For my sake, or for yours?” I watched the way his fingers twitched. “I see. Do continue, Flug.” Bury yourself alive, dear doctor.

“Also, ah, from now on I’m g-going to stay on one end of th-this room with you on the other, and a guard will b-be next to me at all times. If, if anything compromises that, the session is over and I’ll, leave at once.”

“Is that all you have to say, Flug?”

He regarded me suspiciously. “…Yes.”

“No sincere apology for upsetting me again? You seem so adept at screwing up and then groveling for it.”

I’ll admit that I spat these words for my own angry benefit, not as a verbal attempt to dig into Flug’s skin or a physical attempt to cause him to error and be within death’s reach of my teeth. I was not expecting the flare up of his Dusk, nor the way his goggles reflected the light in a way that I couldn’t see his expression.

“I th-think you’ll be surprised to learn that I won’t, that I’m not g-going to grovel so much anymore. It’s – something I’ve been working on.”

“So it seems.” What had happened in the last two days, I wondered. What had bolstered this human’s confidence and encouraged his darkness when he’d been so determined to squash it down subconsciously.

I considered my options in this moment. I still very dearly wanted to kill Flug, make no mistake, and it was going to happen one way or another. But then I would be stuck here with no source of amusement until the time of my escape. And from what I had to acknowledge, that could be a very long time from now.

I made a decision then, that would change things in ways that I could not predict. I decided that so long as Flug behaved himself, and did not infuriate me any longer, then I would let him live. I would offer the proverbial olive branch, let him think that I had forgiven him after a time, and then play along with his game so that I could learn his secrets and extort his Dusk.

And when I was finally free of this accursed collar, free to do as I pleased just as it should be, I would drag Flug to this cell and tear him apart limb from limb, slowly and painfully, and then raze his precious institution to the ground.

Yes, what a satisfying end to my humiliation.

“Well, Flug,” I said at last, ending the silence that had clearly made him nervous. “It’s marvelous to hear you’re no longer such a sniveling infant. Perhaps now you will be tolerable enough to hold a conversation with.”

I felt the flare of Dusk and pride even as Flug gave no physical indication to my insult. It was hilarious.

“If that w-were the case, Black Hat, then I’m s-surprised you lasted this long. It must h-have been very boring.” The doctor bantered hesitantly.

He had sensed the traitorous olive branch, and was trying to reach for it. I smiled languidly.

“Oh Flug, you have no idea. I’ve had to get by with the meager slivers of intelligence I could find, and unfortunately that means you. It’s amazing I’ve survived.” I held the branch out, easy for him to hold onto.

“Boredom isn’t a c-clinical cause of death.” He touched the offering. “But maybe they’d make an exception f-for you.” He took it.

Flug was mine.

“No doubt Inspector Daniels would be happy to see me go,” I dropped out of my crouch completely, opting instead to lean causally against the mattress. “I wonder how he’s been doing.”

My doctor just looked at me. I raised an expectant eyebrow, but no obvious tells could be found off his body or his aura. Unfortunate but not problematic.

“Ah well, I don’t care enough about him to want to know. May he drop dead where he stands.” I dropped my neck backwards so my head rested on the mattress and I was staring at the ceiling. “On the topic of health, how have you been these last few days, Doctor?”

I couldn’t see Flug, but I heard his feet shuffle. “I’ve been w-well, Black Hat. Why?”

The tone was so guarded it was amazing the words had made it past his lips.

“Oh, no reason at all, really,” I hummed leisurely. “It just makes my heart happy to know my favorite psychiatrist is in such good condition.”

“I d-doubt that.”

“Doubt what, Flug? That I wonder how you are?”

“That you have a heart in the first place.”

A delighted smile danced along my face. “Look at you, Doctor, trying to learn my anatomy. I thought you were an expert of the mind, not the body?”

There was just enough silence after my statement that I turned my head towards Flug, inquisitive. He had this look in his goggles, one I knew well. It was the look of someone gauging how much information is worth leaking to another.

“You’re right, Black Hat,” he said after a beat. “I’ll just focus on my a-area of expertise.”

Hmm. That was going to have to be a secret for another day, because the doctor’s darkness was still heavy in the air and I was getting restless to learn why. But this mild back-and-forth, as entertaining as it was, would not yield what I wanted.

I remembered suddenly the commotion with my guards from yesterday, how there’d been an event with an inmate. Perhaps Flug had something to do with it.

“You know, I’ve been hearing down the grapevine lately,” I said in nonchalance. “That something happened very recently. A situation with a criminal, it appears. Are you aware of it?”

“There was an incident yesterday, yes. Just an inmate who lashed out. That’s all you r-really need to know.” The doctor tugged at his bag, possibly anticipating that I wouldn’t be satisfied with that answer.

I wasn’t, but it was not due to the event itself, which was lackluster at best. It was because I felt that surge in Dusk again.

“All I need to know? Please, Flug, it sounds as though the ‘incident’ has already come and gone. And besides, what could I do from in this cell? It’s not like I have access to the other inmates in this, place. I imagine it’s nigh impossible from this floor even.”

“You’d be surprised,” came the murmured response as Flug pulled at his bag again. He said a little louder, “it doesn’t matter, it’s imperative that we keep outside contact to a b-bare minimum or there could be chaos.”

His fingers were fiddling with his lab coat, and that creepy tint was back in his goggles. He wanted very much to talk about it.

“Surely there’s no harm in idle gossip. My guards already partake in it enough as it is.” Flug’s escort huffed air through his nose, and I smirked at him. “Come now, don’t be surprised. The two of you are loud as braying mules when you talk. It’s wonderful how much I’ve learned since yesterday.”

I had not actually been paying enough attention to know what was going on, but it didn’t matter. My bluff worked well, because Flug whirled on his bodyguard.

“What did you tell him?!”

“I didn’t tell him anything,” the escort raised his hands placatingly. “Lucas and I were just talking, it’s fine.”

“It’s not fine, it’s not – what were you saying to each other?”

“We just talked about how quiet that inmate usually is, and how it’s weird he just attacked Bautista like that. Nothing else!”

Bautista. I knew that name well. And I knew Flug hated him thoroughly.

“Isn’t it strange,” I began, careful not to reveal how little I knew, “that this inmate would do something like this? Such a pliant, goody-two shoes patient who goes berserk on a psychiatrist for no reason. Truly tragic. I wonder if he has permanent scarring.”

“The psychiatrist wasn’t physically harmed,” the doctor asserted, irritation lined through his body. “He’ll be just fine.”

“Well, sure,” the guard said quietly, “but that still had to have been awful. Traumatic, even.”

Flug rolled his eyes.

I blinked, surprised that he’d been bold enough to do the motion here, but then I remembered that humans have such feeble vision. It was no wonder he wasn’t afraid to do it; it was highly probable that no one would know what he was doing beyond those goggles.

Except me.

I was suddenly gleeful – here was the explanation for my doctor’s unusual behavior. He’d been struggling at playing nice with a coworker, wanted some way to get him back without sticking his own neck out. How he persuaded an inmate to do whatever it was to Bautista was still a mystery, but not one that mattered.

What did matter was that it had been pulled off without any suspicion towards this ‘innocent’ human. No doubt it bolstered Flug’s confidence, but even more so I knew why his darkness was a maelstrom today, why it pitched at every little mention of the event, and of me – the only expert of the Dusk on Earth.

This was wonderful. I had no idea such a sniveling creature was even capable of it, even on such small a scale. How thrilling. How entertaining.

How useful.

I would have continued dwelling on this new insight, except for what happened next.

“Alright, I’m done talking about this. You both n-need to be more careful, honestly,” the doctor pointed at his guard, then up at the ceiling camera. “You’re lucky the audio recorder hasn’t picked up either of you, if you’re doing this so much. It’s not p-professional.”

I stiffened, staring at Flug with the nearest to shock I’d ever show outwardly.

“Audio recorders? Aren’t cameras sufficient enough?” I tried politely, feigning a pout as if upset that there was more to hamper my escape.

“That’s right, v-voice recorders.” The doctor folded his arms, watching me warily. “So don’t – you should watch yourself if y-you know what’s g-good for you.”

I tuned out most of his words. Recorders. Meant to catch sounds and conversations. I had been screaming at that blasted bear neighbor for several evenings now, provoking him and openly expressing intent to harm my doctor when I thought no one else was watching. But someone had been watching, and yet Flug and his guards acted none the wiser to anything.

My eyes narrowed.

The session went on in contrived pleasantries, and Flug left thinking he was in the clear, or at least that I had no immediate plans to kill him. A half-truth, but one that would benefit me in the long run. It was of little consequence anyway, because I knew now that someone could be aware of what I was doing and hadn’t done anything to stop me. I’d say it was out of the sympathy to my plight, or out of the badness of their hearts, but I did not make a habit of trying to fool myself.

Humans, after all, are only outclassed in their stupidity by their inherent selfishness.

It was time for a new conversation.

 It was frustrating to wait for nightfall, and downright torment to sit and play nice until the wretched bear fell asleep in his own cell. I estimated it was close to 2:00 in the morning by the time I made my move. I advanced to the center of the room and stood firmly.

“I want to talk to you.” I spoke into the darkness, loud and clear. “This isn’t a request. I want to know who you are and what you want with me.”

I stayed there immobile for over an hour, eyes trained on the door to my cell. I did not move closer to view the hallway, in case this overseer would feel intimidated and flee.

Eventually my patience paid off, as a single set of footsteps echoed louder and louder until I could see a silhouette in the window. The sight made me chuckle.

“My goodness,” I purred. “Who would have seen this coming? I must say I wasn’t sure what I was expecting, but it certainly wasn’t you.”

The silhouette did not shuffle from my words as I half-expected. “You said you wanted to talk.”

“That’s right, I did.” I inclined my hat, a gesture of courtesy that this human would not recognize. “It’s been brought to my attention that I have you to thank for leaving my nightly discussions a secret, although frankly I can’t imagine why.”

There was no response. Either my question was too subtle or this human had a death wish.

“So I suppose I’d like to know your role in all of this,” I continued, eyes narrowing to show that I expected an answer now.

“It doesn’t matter to you.”

“Oh, oh it doesn’t matter!” I cackled, delightedly provoked. “Of course it doesn’t matter, it’s not as if I’m the most capable force of nature on this abhorrent planet! It’s not as if I’ve been saying incriminating things out loud for you to monitor and report, things that could very well kill Dr. Flug Slys at the least, if not more people! No, it doesn’t matter to me at all!”

I dropped my head to wipe tears of mirth onto my shoulder. Then I looked back up, all pretense of joviality wiped away in the same movement.

“If it doesn’t matter to me, as you so disrespectfully put it, then I don’t understand why you came here tonight in the first place. If your only purpose is to mock me, human, then you’re going to suffer just as much as the doctor I’ve been placed with. And we both know what I’ve said about that.”

This time I saw the flinch. My mouth split open without humor.

“Well?”

“I’ve been…testing things out,” the silhouette said not quite tentatively. “Learning what gets noticed and how it’s handled. Little things. Weaknesses.”

“You can’t expect me to believe that without due proof,” I growled. “Why would someone like you want to look for those things, and why would you tell me?”

“Proof,” the human had the audacity to snort. “Isn’t it proof enough that I told you?”

“Only when there’s merit in words, which I’ve found to be most often false in dealing with your species.”

“That’s a fair point.” The concession was almost bitter. “But I don’t know how else to prove it. You’re…difficult to read, Black Hat.”

“You can prove it by telling me how we’re having this conversation and you’re not afraid of the repercussions of just standing here without authorization.”

“Footage looping.” At my carefully blank stare, the silhouette sighed. “Pre-recorded video footage can be edited over later time stamps so everything looks fine to anyone who watches it later. It takes precision to appear untampered, which is why I took a while in getting up here. So.”

“And you’ve been doing this for all the previous nights? I find it hard to believe a human can stay awake so many hours.”

I watched idly as the tell-tale signs of pride raised itself in the human’s posture. “That’s not the only trick I know, give me some credit.”

“I’d love to give you credit, human, but some things still don’t add up.” I prompted, quiet steel in my voice. “Primarily, I’m curious what you have to gain by doing this. Surely your job is not worth the risks you’re taking.”

It took several seconds for my question to receive a response – almost unforgivable. Finally – “I’m not doing this for you, demon. I meant it when I said it doesn’t matter to you.”

“Except for the part where I’m your test subject in these little experiments.” I dipped my head sideways. “Tell me, is it because I’m in the most secure part of this building and therefore the best place for your tests? Or do you just hate Dr. Slys so much that you’re hoping I’ll succeed in my plans to break him?”

“I –”

Beep!

An annoying little alarm went off, and the human brought out a mobile cellular phone to turn it off.

“I have to go, that means the footage loop is almost done running on its own.” The human pocketed the phone. “I’d ask that you stop plotting so loudly at night, Black Hat, but I know you’ve never listened to humans.”

“And likewise,” I sneered, angry at the time cut short, “I’d ask that you stop involving me whatever trifling plans you’ve concocted in that fragile little skull, but I know your kind is too idiotic to keep to your own business. So we’re at an impasse.”

My overseer took a step away, then hesitated. “You’re not going to tell anyone who I am, are you?”

“No.” I said truthfully. “As much as it pains me to admit, this is useful for both of us. I will not, ‘rat you out’, so to speak, but only if you don’t reveal my intentions to anyone.”

“Good.” And then the human was gone.

I remained where I was, listening to the fading footsteps and the night sounds of crazy inmates dreaming the drugs away. This was a development I had not been expecting, and not one I could control.

I didn’t like it.

A/N: Hey look I live.

I’m back in the game, baby! I promised March 1st chapter update and it happened! I’m so proud of myself hahah.

I promise I will never abandon this story, no matter how long it takes for an update. This fic is my child I love it with all my heart. Thank you to everyone who's still sticking with me on this! (Also if you see any discrepancies or weird characterization, please let me know. I reread the fic to get into it again but it's been a while and I'm bound to miss details)

[bountyofbeads]

The Mystery of Rudy Giuliani’s Vienna Trip

President Trump’s personal lawyer told me he was planning to fly to Vienna roughly 24 hours after his business associates were arrested as they prepared to do the same.

By Elaina Plott Published Oct 10, 2019 | The Atlantic | Posted October 13, 2019 |

Last night, when Rudy Giuliani told me he couldn’t get together for an interview, his reason made sense: As with many nights of late, he was due to appear on Hannity. When I suggested this evening instead, his response was a bit more curious. We would have to aim for lunch, Giuliani told me, because he was planning to fly to Vienna, Austria, at night. He didn’t offer any details beyond that.

Giuliani called me at 6:22 p.m. last night—around the same time that two of his associates, Lev Parnas and Igor Fruman, were arrested at Dulles Airport while waiting to board an international flight with one-way tickets. As The Wall Street Journal reported this afternoon, the two men were bound for Vienna. The Florida businessmen, who are reported to have assisted Giuliani in his alleged efforts to investigate Joe Biden and his family ahead of the 2020 election, were charged with campaign-finance violations, with prosecutors alleging that they had conspired to funnel money from a Russian donor into Donald Trump’s presidential campaign.

But Giuliani, when confirming today that Parnas and Fruman were heading to Vienna on matters “related to their business,” told the Journal that he himself only had plans to meet with them when they returned to Washington. By this logic, Giuliani was also planning to fly to Vienna within roughly 24 hours of his business associates, but do no business with them while all three were there.

This morning, Giuliani told me he’d have to reschedule our lunch. I’ve tried to reach him since then, to discuss Parnas’s and Fruman’s arrests, among other things, to no avail. When I called at 3 p.m. ET to ask about his Vienna trip, a woman claiming to be his communications director answered the phone. I have called him more than 100 times over the past year, and this is the first time that has ever happened. She said she’d have to get back to me. As we spoke, I could hear a voice that resembled Giuliani’s shout “asshole” in the background. “Oh, sorry,” the woman told me. “He was talking to the TV.”

Why were Parnas and Fruman bound for Vienna? Why was Giuliani—if what he told me was true—planning to be in the same city a day later?

Giuliani finally sent me a text message at 4:18 p.m. ET: “I can’t comment on it at this time.”

Read: Rudy Giuliani: ‘You should be happy for your country that I uncovered this’

Parnas and Fruman, both Soviet-born, have been instrumental in helping Giuliani develop Ukrainian contacts in his quest to prove that Biden, while vice president, tried to curtail an investigation into a Ukrainian gas company for which his son Hunter Biden served on the board. Parnas told NPR, for example, that he was the one who had arranged a Skype call between Giuliani and former Ukrainian Prosecutor General Viktor Shokin to discuss their corruption theory. Parnas was also present at meetings in New York and Warsaw earlier this year with Giuliani and Yuriy Lutsenko, another former prosecutor general for Ukraine.

I met Parnas and Fruman in March, when I joined Giuliani at Shelly’s Back Room, a cigar bar in D.C., to discuss Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s soon-to-be-released report on Russian interference in the 2016 election. Sipping back-to-back glasses of Macallan—double, one large ice cube—and smoking a Nicaraguan cigar, Giuliani told me he’d known Parnas for two years. Parnas laughed and said he’d grown up “idolizing” Giuliani. They bantered about how the Mueller probe would likely amount to nothing, with Parnas adding that it was Trump’s “constitutional right” to fire former FBI Director James Comey. Save for introducing himself when I arrived, Fruman was quiet. Parnas told me they were all “great friends” and all “work together.”

Along with allegedly using a shell company to donate hundreds of thousands of dollars to Republican candidates and a pro-Trump super PAC, Parnas and Fruman were also accused by federal prosectors of meddling in American political activities on behalf of one or more Ukrainian officials. In the 21-page indictment, prosecutors allege that Parnas and Fruman lobbied for the removal of the U.S. ambassador in Kiev, Marie Yovanovitch—something Giuliani sought as well, arguing that she was biased against the president. In May, Trump ordered Yovanovitch’s removal.

The White House has kept mum about the arrests. Jay Sekulow, Trump’s personal lawyer alongside Giuliani, told reporters that neither Trump nor his campaign has “anything to do with the scheme these guys were involved in.”

It’s difficult to know, however, precisely what Trump may or may not know about Parnas and Fruman, given that Giuliani and Trump are in constant contact and that Giuliani, at least broadly, has frequently kept Trump updated on his maneuverings in Ukraine. Presumably these are the kinds of questions that House Democrats had in mind when they subpoenaed Giuliani last month, and Parnas and Fruman today. Giuliani has said he refuses to testify or provide documents to the House Intelligence Committee. Parnas and Fruman, for their part, are being held in a Virginia jail on a $1 million bond each.

Trump is already seeking to distance himself from the controversy. “I don’t know those gentlemen,” the president told reporters before departing for a rally in Minnesota. “Now, it’s possible I have a picture with them, because I have a picture with everybody.” (He does, in fact, have a picture with Parnas.)

“Maybe they were clients of Rudy,” Trump added. “You’d have to ask Rudy.”

The Story Keeps Getting Worse for the White House

A pair of men helping the president’s supposed anti-corruption campaign were apprehended as they tried to leave the United States.

David A. Graham | Updated at 3:48 p.m. on October 10, 2019, Published October 10, 2019 | The Atlantic | Posted October 13, 2019 |

If the president’s fundamental defense against impeachment is that there’s nothing to see here and people should move along, Thursday morning was not a good day for the president.

As The Wall Street Journal first reported, two men who assisted in Rudy Giuliani’s investigations in Ukraine on behalf of Donald Trump were arrested Wednesday night. Lev Parnas and Igor Fruman, both Soviet-born, naturalized American citizens, had been asked to testify to Congress today and Friday in connection with the impeachment inquiry into Trump; they were apprehended at Dulles Airport, outside of Washington, D.C., trying to leave the country on one-way tickets. Congress has now issued subpoenas to them as well.

The details of the allegations against Parnas and Fruman are arcane, but the big picture is not: Two men who were helping the president’s supposed anti-corruption scheme in Ukraine have now been arrested and charged with federal crimes.

David A. Graham: Trump is panicking

In a letter to House Democrats last week, attorney John Dowd—last seen representing Trump in connection with Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s investigation—wrote, “Please be advised that Messrs. Parnas and Fruman assisted Mr. Giuliani in connection with his representation of President Trump.” This was apparently intended to shield Parnas and Fruman: Dowd argued that some of what Democrats sought from them was protected by attorney-client privilege. But with the arrests today, that argument adds to Trump’s problems. Attorney-client privilege does not cover the commission of crimes, and now the connection to the president has been established.

Parnas and Fruman’s schemes are a little hard to follow. Prosecutors charged them, as well as two other men, with conspiracy, false statements to the Federal Election Commission, and falsifying records. An indictment charges that the men engaged in a straw-donor scheme to illegally donate money to a congressman—former Representative Pete Sessions, a Texas Republican—at the behest of a Ukrainian official, to get help in trying to have the U.S. ambassador to Ukraine fired. (Sessions wrote a letter calling for the diplomat’s firing, and she was eventually removed.) In another scheme, they funneled money from a Russian foreign national, again in violation of the law, into donations, using a legal recreational-marijuana enterprise as a front.

“Protecting the integrity of elections, and protecting our elections from unlawful foreign influence, are core functions of our campaign-finance laws,” Geoffrey Berman, the U.S. attorney for the Southern District of New York, said at a press conference on Thursday.

This is not the first time attention has turned to Parnas and Fruman. The men were already reported to have been assisting Giuliani in his quest to dig up dirt on dealings in Ukraine by former Vice President Joe Biden and his son Hunter Biden. (No evidence of wrongdoing has yet turned up.) BuzzFeed reported on the men’s lavish spending during that investigation. Parnas told BuzzFeed he’d met with the president “many times” but wouldn’t say what they discussed. The men seem to have been small-time businessmen with little political experience until recently, and how they got involved or what they were seeking is still not clear.

Read: Trump’s game of chicken

The fact that Trump’s corruption-seekers were, themselves, allegedly corrupt begs a comparison to Richard Nixon’s crew of Plumbers, who were convened to investigate leaks of classified information but were eventually arrested for crimes of their own. The White House has argued that the Democratic impeachment inquiry is illegitimate because Trump did nothing wrong and there’s nothing to investigate, but each new piece of information—much less federal indictments—makes that argument harder to sustain.

Even before the arrests, there was evidence that the public wasn’t buying it. A Fox News poll released Wednesday found that an eye-popping 51 percent of Americans want Trump impeached and removed from office. Another 4 percent want him impeached but not removed. The poll shows growing support in practically every group, across ideological and demographic categories. Some are especially worrisome for Trump: Suburban women favor impeachment and removal, 57 to 33. More than half of the respondents think the Trump administration is more corrupt than previous presidencies. Among those who oppose impeachment, only one in five say Trump did nothing wrong.

David A. Graham: The cover-up betrays Trump’s guilt

The Fox News poll has not escaped Trump’s agitated notice. It is a mild outlier, showing stronger support than most polls—but not by a lot. Support has grown steadily over the past two weeks; FiveThirtyEight’s tracker of impeachment polls shows an average 49.2 percent support as of this writing.

The president likes to point out that some polls underestimated his support in the 2016 election and failed to predict his victory. But these impeachment polls aren’t interesting as a predictor of electoral success. Instead, they’re a snapshot of public opinion. Trump’s firewall against removal from office is Republicans in the Senate. Many of them have never had a great deal of personal affection for Trump, but they fear the power of his supporters to punish them politically. If voters, especially Republicans, turn against Trump, GOP senators will have less reason to stick with him.

Souring public opinion is also a problem for Trump because his entire defense strategy against impeachment is currently premised on public opinion. An eight-page letter sent to House Democrats on Tuesday was signed by White House Counsel Pat Cipollone, but as I wrote, its arguments are almost entirely political rather than legal, attempting to dismiss the impeachment inquiry as illegitimate because it is politically motivated. Meanwhile, White House efforts to turn the focus back to the Bidens have struggled; even Peter Schweizer, a progenitor of the case against Hunter Biden, wrote in a New York Times column Wednesday that what Biden did was legal, though he says it should not be.

There’s a hoary legal adage, “If the facts are against you, argue the law. If the law is against you, argue the facts. If the law and the facts are against you, pound the table and yell like hell.” Neither fact nor the law is especially helpful to Trump right now, so the White House is pounding the table ferociously. At the moment, though, few people are heeding the racket.

[betweenpaperpages]

A Silence

Summary: Belle finds her apartment far too quiet while reading.

Beta: @ishtarelisheba & @standbyyourmantis Note: Sequel to “A Request” (AO3)

Find it on AO3.

Belle heard a silence.

A silence that was quite unusual for the time of day that it was. Her eyes flicked down to her wrist, rolling it over to read the hands on her silver watch, 8:45 pm.

When she had sat down in the balcony to read that evening she had no reason to believe that anything was wrong in any kind of way, however; after having to go back and re-read the last five pages of her book (for the third time) she knew something was off.

She sighed, snapping her book shut, the sudden noise bringing her to the realization as to just what was missing: music. She had been reading for nearly an hour in utter silence, for a librarian one wouldn't find it odd but she was at home, not the library.

Perhaps her neighbor was gone for the night? Belle stood up, leaving her book behind to lean on the railing, pushing up onto tip toes to crane her neck for a look at their balcony. Everything seemed to be as normal as usual, including the opened window, but there was certainly no sound drifting out.

Her weight settled back down on her heels with a huff of disappointment, she really did enjoy the music that they played, she hadn’t realised how accustomed she had become to it. A glance back to her book confirmed it to her, without the usual soundtrack of the music, she wasn’t going to be able to focus on her book.

Perhaps tomorrow.

________________________________________________________________

With summer coming to an end September had begun to settle into Storybrooke on its heels. With it also came the cold mornings that gradually heated up to pleasant afternoons before cool evenings settled in.

Belle wasn’t one to really rely upon the newspaper or weather reports; when you lived in a small town you usually caught up on it fairly quickly, it was a go-to conversation piece. The library had seen a rush of patrons that afternoon, some getting out of the winds that had picked up and others checking out books to read in case power was lost.

Through the afternoon the storm had picked up and was continuing to get more aggressive, the winds picking up and the rain crept in to cover the town, starting with a drizzle and building itself up.

Belle had thought when she left the library she’d make it home in time before the worst of the storm hit, however; the storm decided to prove her wrong.

By the time that she had reached home she had been soaked through to the bone, no thanks to her umbrella having been blown inside out. She was in deep need of a hot bath and at least one, if not two, cups of tea.

So much for reading on the balcony tonight.

________________________________________________________________

The following day didn’t fair much better, the harshest part of the storm had passed over the town but the rain still lingered on. Rain pattered against the library’s windows, combined with the soft light, it gave the space a very cozy environment.

Too cozy, at one point Belle found herself sitting at her desk, a hand resting against her cheek trying to prevent herself from lolling to sleep. Truly Wednesdays had to be named the most uneventful day of the week around their town.

With the weather still being gray and cold that evening there wasn’t really a chance to read on the balcony that night. If the weather continued to get bleaker and bleaker as quickly as the storm had swept in Belle knew she was going to have to find a new reading habit for the cold months.

Since the outside nook would be out of the question she simply had to create one inside of her apartment that would suffice.  

Under one of the windows in the living room she pulled out a old futon mattress she had stored away for guests, folding it in half so it rested against the wall. A quick search of some still unpacked boxes she had lead her to extra bedding, wrapping the futon in a fitted sheet helped along with a couple of knit blankets and a few throw pillows.

With the reading nook tucked into the corner of the room it still gave a full view of the sliding glass door to the balcony offering somewhat of a view. The only thing that was left to do was to break it in with a book, though with a glance to the clock showing that it was already 8:30 PM it was clear that there wouldn't be any music that evening to accompany her.

Maybe another day.

________________________________________________________________

Belle was sure that Ruby could find an excuse to celebrate or have a night out on any day of the week, it really was a hidden talent. Her excuse this time? It had been officially four months since Belle moved to Storybrooke.

She had rolled her eyes at the idea of it, most people didn’t celebrate a “move-in-anniversary” as Ruby called it, but she couldn’t see the harm in it. It would shake up the mundane of the week and the off way she had been feeling the last few days. Maybe a girls night out on the town was just what she needed.

There would be music at the Rabbit Hole.

________________________________________________________________

One benefit of living in a small town was that most people knew everyone and if there was someone you didn’t know, it was most likely that you knew someone who did. Sure, there were people who would stick their nose into other people’s business where it didn’t belong, but it came with the territory.

Since the library was open regular hours Monday through Thursday, Friday and Saturday were short days to accommodate other activities. Most visitors on Fridays were returning books and Saturday followed with study sessions held by the local high school students.

Belle didn’t mind the six day work week since two of them were short, giving her the chance to be out of the library typically by two in the afternoon, giving her the rest of day for whatever she need to take care of.

She took care of a few errands around town, making sure she had a chance to check in to the local thrift shop. There really wasn't a bookstore in town since the library took care of most of their needs but she always enjoyed picking up something new to read. Sure, she could order just about anything online but why not rescue an unwanted book?

While she was collecting her finds a white china cup caught her eye, the dish was elegant with soft curves, gold detail, and a simple blue tree design painted across it. It and its saucer had been set off to a side shelf as if someone had considered purchasing it at one time and changed their mind at the last minute.

Something about the design called out to her, in a way it reminded her of her neighbor’s music, soft and delicate without being harsh or complicated. It didn’t take a moment more before she collected the piece to add to her finds.

-   -   -

Belle hummed as she headed downstairs to the lobby of the complex, playing with the ends of her blue scarf as she stepped off the last stair. Her lips spread into a smile at the sight of their mailman at the wall of boxes or mail-woman more so.

“Hey stranger!”

“Hmm?” The tall, lanky red-head stood up from where she was knelt down over her carrier bag, looking over to see who was speaking.

“Belle! Stranger indeed, I haven’t see you around!” Ariel laughed, throwing her arms around Belle in a brief hug. “What are you getting up to today?”

She took a step back to jingle her mailbox key in front of her. “I’m on the adventure of collecting mail, though, it looks like we are on the same journey.”

Ariel giggled, holding up a bundle of envelopes as evidence, “Almost, I mostly have delivery today. Doesn’t seem like there is a lot of out-going today.”  She ran her finger down the silver doors to double check the numbers before opening number twenty-nine with her master key, tutting at the lack of space in the box.

“Belle, have you seen your neighbor from twenty-eight at all this week? Mr. Gold? His box is so full I haven’t been able to drop off anything in at least four days now.”

“Actually, I’ve never meet him before. I haven’t heard anything at all this past week which is really odd.”

Ariel sighed with a glance back at the box. Typically at this point she would have to leave a message in the box that there was more mail and it would have to be collected at the post office. Only meaning that she had dragged around extra weight in her carrier bag for no reason other than to show it around town.

Belle already had her mail box open as she pulled out a few slim envelopes before glancing over to see Ariel perched on it like a bird, her eyes wide and hopeful.

“Yes?”

“Belle, could you do me a favor and drop these off to him? I really don't want to have to drag them back down to the office, please? And you know, make sure he hasn’t dropped dead or anything?”

She simply blinked at Ariel with a deadpan expression across her face before holding out her hand for the stack. “I’m sure if he was dead I would have noticed by now Ariel.”

Ariel squeaked as she handed over the mail, “You are the best!”

-   -   -

When she had originally agreed to take her neighbor’s mail to them, Belle hadn’t realized just how much there was. Ariel ended up sticking her with two boxes and three stacks of rubber band envelopes along with her own to take back up. The boxes were more heavy than they were awkward, though Belle couldn’t help but wonder just what was inside them.

She set the packages down in front of her neighbor’s door, hesitating for a moment as she bit her lip. She had been listening to his music for a while now but she had yet to introduce herself in a way it just felt — wrong, almost like intruding on someone’s privacy. Belle knew his music far more than she knew him. Before there was a chance to change her mind she quickly rapped her knuckles against the door, the sound echoing down the empty corridor. Was their building really so quiet?

The sound of some scuffled papers and a chair moving could faintly be heard beyond the front door before a husky, accented voice called out, “Just a moment!”

A few more ruffles of paper sounded through before the door cracked open enough to let sound pass through, but certainly in no manner was Belle able to see inside of the living space.

“Yes?”

“Oh! Um, hi Mr. Gold? It’s your neighbor Belle, Belle French.” She bit her lip in hesitation again, blinking at the solid mass of the door she was speaking to. “From apartment twenty-seven?”

A heavy cough sounded from the other side, causing his accent to deepen when he spoke again. “Yes, you are the new librarian, correct?” A sneeze echoed through the apartment behind him followed by a few sniffles.

Belle nodded in agreement for a moment before she caught on, clearing her throat from the delay. “Yes, I am.”

“Apologies, Miss. French I’d introduce myself properly but I’m rather ill. I’d rather not pass it along. What can I do for you?”

“I didn’t mean to disrupt your rest, I’m sorry. It's just that I was getting my mail and Ariel, the mailwoman, had quite a bit for you. She asked if I could drop it off since your mail hadn’t been picked up for a while.”

A warm laugh passed from Mr. Gold and Belle couldn’t help to wonder if he possibly sang with his music at all. She hadn’t heard him before, did he sing with or without his accent?

“Oh I’m sure it's rather piled up, I’ve been expecting quite a few things from work. Would you do me a favor dearie and leave it next to my door?”

“Not at all! Is there anything else I can do?” Belle moved the boxes over some more, out of the door’s swing and placed the pile of envelopes on top. “Do you want me to pick you up anything? Chicken soup? Apple pie? Bottle of whiskey?”

Gold let out a deep chuckle at her offer, his laugh spurring him into another coughing fit. “No. No that’s quite alright. You’ve already done enough, thank you Miss. French.”

“You’re welcome... If you do need anything though, feel free to knock on my door anytime. If I’m not at home I’ll be at the —”

“The library.”

Belle giggled, her lips pulling into a smile. “Yeah, I’ll be there. Feel better soon Mr. Gold.”

“I already do.”

-   -   -

Belle couldn’t shake the smile off her face as she wandered into her own apartment, dropping her keys off on a side table along with her mail. It was the first time she had properly spoken to Mr. Gold, sure everyone around town had their own opinion of him, but they did so with everyone else. Small towns always created gossip of some kind, she was sure if they didn’t most residents would die of boredom within a year of living in one.  

Even if Mr. Gold was a familiar face around town, no one really seemed to know much about him, perhaps that was the reason there was so much speculation. People were simply trying to fill in the missing pieces of information.

She was a firm believer the best way to get to know a person was to simply ask them about themselves, however; that didn’t seem like it would happen any time soon, not with how ill he was feeling.

Belle huffed, settling her hands on either of her hips, her gaze wandering her space. Seemed that it would still be a while yet before music started drifting into her apartment again, not until Mr. Gold was feeling better.

She had hoped he would take her up on the offer of help but she wasn’t going to push the matter. She glanced around one more time, her eyes coming back to the side table where her keys laid besides a basket she kept her mail in, where just next to it sat the china cup she had found earlier that week, her lips splitting into a smile.

Okay, so perhaps she couldn’t push her help on him, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t wish him well. Belle was sure she could handle the silence a little while longer.

-   -   -

A while later more knocks were rapped against the door of apartment twenty-eight for a second time that day. Instead of a neighbor delivering a over-stuffed mailbox simply sat a filled basket. Inside rested an assortment of teas, a book of music, honey dipped spoons, and in the center a very delicate white and blue tea cup.