#the last time i was paid on a stipend i realized i was making like $3/hour after the fact 🤪

[kyoshialone]

context: there are two job titles in my little summer cohort, doing basically (but not quite) the same work, but one is paid via stipend and one is hourly. because i was hourly last year and on a stipend this year, i recently realized im the only one of us who could know that divided out per hour, the stipend pays about 50% more than the hourly. should i mention this to my coworkers or leave it since it’s the end of the summer and both jobs end soon anyway?

[neimiismycoolgirlname]

Diary of Cadence Oakling, Mer , adventurer. 

I lost my previous journal, the one in which I kept notes of the events occurring during escorting missions. I don’t mind though. This is all behind me. What even was the point of noting who died in my group when even the clients did not give a fuck. We might as well keep track of how many claw marks we ended up with for all they cared. I decided I would stick to the habit however. It feels right to note what we did and what we learn of a place, a person,... Also there’s a certain usefulness of keeping track of the time passing, maybe this will be the last thing I leave on this earth ? Gods I hope I fill at least one of these before I croak. Following the Scorned Grove Tenders leader’s instruction, I made my way towards the Tangle wild. I know my way around these parts so it was just a matter of finding the best path. I arrived at around noon where we met with one Caspian Hedge. I was the third out of four to arrive. Others might join on the way. Caspian told us that 3 explorers went missing which was why they turned to adventurers to help with the exploration of this area. 

Beyond the Archaeologist, there were two other party members, the first one was one of those lizard folks. I have met a few of them before but I did not know a lot about them. their name was Sauri (pronounced Sorry), they seemed to be a tinkerer of some sort and quite night. The other one was a parrot, a magic bird. They made us potions before we went. quite useful although I had never been asked to give of my person to help make them. When our employers asked us for escorts they generally paid us a poor stipend to buy our own potions at a merchant’s (generally we had to be careful not to waste it too soon because we could only afford once. I wonder how often Cy can make them. Cy also had a critter with them, a pixie of some sort. I’m sure she is very powerful as well. 

I was dubious of them from the start, and I’m afraid, forgive my choice of word, I may have ruffled a few feathers. To be honest, I am used to hanging around martial folks who have clear goals and try to steer away from magic as much as possible. 

The last member of our merry band, sent to retrieve this magical staff was Eep, i… am confounded by them. They seem to be a very powerful cleric but also seem to lack the social skills. They are very observant and confusing to me. And proud above all else. 

Caspian reminded us why we were there and showed us our destination. Far on the horizon stood the ruins of a gigantic pyramid with a cube standing atop of it. It is rumored that a staff that can protect the trees from lightning might be in there. Could help protect a whole lot of folks if it is true. Caspian seems to be the bookish kind and went back to wherever he was studying after giving us our goal. 

Meanwhile Sauri made a few pyrotechnics potions which could turn out to be useful in the future. I decided to take the lead, I have a keen sense of orientation and felt like as the only trained fighter in the group I should stay ahead to take the brunt of whatever would be coming for us in the woods. Luckily nothing of note happened until we took a small rest. Behind me I heard the sound of something slithering and managed to strike it when it appeared : a giant snake! We fought it with all our might, although we did not manage to prevent Weed from being caught in its coil. I ended up beheading it after everyone helped weaken it. 

Afterwards It was badly hurt and we tried to convince them to heal but realized that their pride prevented them from admitting they were hurt. We all pretended to not see they were taking a health potion, I am pretty sure they know deep down we saw but we won’t bring it up. 

Although the afternoon was coming to an end, we kept pushing a bit further. We hoped to reach the temple by nightfall. Right before sunset, Sauri smells something in a clearing nearby. These were capybaras, three mounts with their saddle that seemed to have been there for a good while. 

Cy, Sauri and I helped them out of the saddle, whoever owned these had not secured them to a tree and left them to roam without looking back. This annoyed me. I did not like leaving allies behind and it felt like it. The poor things were hurting and it could have been very bad if we had not been there. 

Now I cannot explain what happened then. But when I removed the saddle of the Capybara it looked me straight in the eye and recognized me ? somehow ? I scratched its head gently and it closed its eyes and pushed towards my paw and… yeah… it’s still following me everywhere. I feel grateful for it but I also feel like I should not put it in danger. I am torn between my desire to keep it safe with me or to find its rightful owner and reunite them. 

We walked away from the two other capybara but then set up camp. This was probably the best day of my life so far, and I am not sure if I should be happy about what it says about me.

[bigsexxorr]

Honestly? I’m not either and I’m not gonna pretend I couldn’t get hit with a much better interpretation of the theory and agree with it, but from what I’ve read of Camus and heard from what people say around the book, I get two main takeaways.

1. Sisyphus’ struggle is constant, repetitive, and absurd, just like our lives, and if we imagine him to be in complete agony, the only recourse we would have would be to kill ourselves, but we like living, therefore, we must imagine Sisyphus happy.

2. Sisyphus, at the end of every ascent, must descend down the mountain, free from his burden for a time, and that’s a bit beautiful, isn’t it?

And if these really are the primary takeaways, I couldn’t hear a more revolting set of conclusions. I’ll take some time to read the paper in full again when I have the time, but first let me talk about that; the fact I don’t have the time.

I’m away from home right now, spending a week in a hotel to do some laborer’s training in a city I don’t live in. Only because I’m within a strong union am I not paying for this hotel, that is, unless I fail to make it to any one of my classes on time. I’m spending a week away from home, spending time exclusively for my job without being paid, and having the threat of fees being held over my head as a threat to not “waste” any of this unions resources. And let it be known: this is one of the best jobs I’ll ever have. I have it good. The fact that I’m not paying for my own accommodation? The fact that I get a 20$ food stipend per day? The fact that I’m in a union? The fact I even have a job? These are things I should be counting my lucky stars for because these blessings are given to the far minority of workers. And last night I fell asleep to the feeling of dread and today I woke up to a nightmare, a nightmare about missing my class.

If Camus wants to talk about absurdity, that’s his own rub, let him talk, if he wants to talk about Sisyphus he can fight me. There are plenty of stories of absurd heroes, there’s only one of Sisyphus. Camus was talking about absurdity, but by talking about this myth, regardless of his intention, he began to talk about the absurdity of repetition. And life is full of absurd, repetitive burdens, I do need to eat and drink and sleep and shit and piss and breathe every day. But if anyone can look me in the eye and honestly tell me that’s what Camus’ is talking about I can fight you myself. Camus was talking about work.

We make it to the top of the hill, it rolls down again, we make it to the top of the hill, it rolls down again, we make it to the top of the hill, it rolls down again, we make it to the top of the hill

I’m not sure how much I have to say on this, you cannot take a divine punishment, compare it to our lives and say “well, life must be good, so this punishment shouldn’t be all that bad either.” You should be a bit sad that you can compare them. You should get a bit tired when you realize that every day feels the same. You should feel that ache in your back when you don’t know when you get to stop. You should cry a little bit because it’s been so long that you forgot who put you on this mountain. You should feel a bit scared, Sisyphus. I don’t know if I can bring you home.

Let me be clear about something here: Camus was a libertarian socialist with some sympathies with the anarchist movement, an I really making the claim that an impressively progressive guy like him (for our time, much less his) was “licking the boot?” That he was secretly some evil capitalist in disguise? No, because the truth is I read that on Wikipedia a few minutes ago and I’m really trying to grapple with this dude. What did you mean? What were you saying? Did you get something wrong? Did I?

Yes, I probably got something wrong. I did say as much at the start of this, right? I haven’t even read his book entirely, I’ve read papers around it, I’ve seen other people’s interpretations. I’ve looked through mirrors and mirrors to see a shape that’s been made artificially too far away for me to see. I haven’t read that book because it never got taught to me, and I dropped out of school for this job, and I don’t know how to spend my time well enough to actually sit down with a book anymore. I get a bit sad when I think about it. A bit tired. My back starts to hurt. I start to cry… I get scared

I don’t know Camus. I never read his book. I didn’t know his political stance until half an hour ago. And I thought I knew him anyways, because an image of him has been given to me, carved by the sight of so many people. I don’t believe that one can dedicate themselves to absurdity, and I don’t believe that work without meaning is healthy or just. And I don’t think Sisyphus is all that happy. But I also don’t think that my perception of Camus was simply a mistake. It was false, and I still don’t have a proper one, I won’t until I can read more about him, from him. But it feels strange that despite never reading his works, despite never being directly taught about this man, that I still gained a perception of this man, and this perception told me to work, to work with a smile. And I will not be able to dispel this perception properly until I have the money to buy a book from a man that is dead, and the time to read a thesis on an unending task.

How absurd.

The myth of Sisyphus is actually capitalist propaganda btw. Repeating the same repetitive task over and over for your entire life? Isn't that just what most jobs are like?

"one must imagine Sisyphus happy"

-capitalist pigs, probably

[vale-studies-ir]

Hello lovely people!

It seems that life made me take a leave of absence from tumblr. Thanks to all of you who have continued to interact with my page! I'm sorry if I've missed any messages or questions in the time that I've been away. I'm back now and I'll continue to share my journey with you all...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In order to be able to keep moving forward, I think it's important to accept the past and move on. Accept any of the difficulties that happened, and see them as moments you've gone through that have made you stronger. My way of accepting and turning over a new page will be through this post.

I haven't shared too much information about my studies and how they've been going. My studyblr was very new, and I was using it more as a means for motivation by seeing all the wonderful things people in the community were doing. Little by little, I started to make posts of my own.

So let me formally introduce myself and share my ongoing journey...

My name is Valentina, I go by Vale for short. I jumped from graduating from my BA in International Relations and Political Science in the Spring of 2018 to starting my PhD studies in International Relations the Fall semester of that same year. No break, very smart... I know. That's only just the beginning. I'm not sure how it works abroad, but here doctoral students usually go through most of their studies being funded by a graduate assistantship. This pays tuition and provides a stipend through working as a TA (graduate teaching assistant). Of course they vary across universities and departments. When I was applying to the PhD program, one of my professors advised me not to accept if I was not given funding. There are only a limited number of spots that are given to incoming students each year that will be accepted as a TA.

In March of 2018 I received notification that I was accepted into the PhD program in International Relations at my university, however, the department could not guarantee funding for me. This put me at a loss, and I spend months wondering where this was going and what I would do. Because I'm an immigrant in the US, though I've been living here practically my whole life, I didn't have too many options. My mobility is constrained.. my access to scholarships is constrained (even though I may qualify for them in terms of academics and merit, migration status trumps over all of it). I was lost, to say the least. My family can't afford to have paid for this program or a Master's program out of pocket, and I am not able to take out student loans even if I wanted to.

Regardless of this all, I still attended the incoming graduate student orientation; which surprised the outgoing graduate program director. She did not think I would show up, considering the whole funding predicament. She and the new GPD told me that they would try to find something for me. On the first day of class, I showed up, still not knowing what would become of this situation. Not knowing if I would actually get to start the semester or not. We are usually given a week to pay tuition - because of status, I am considered an international student so my tuition came out to nearly $10,000 for three courses. That day, out of nowhere, I was told that the dean of our school (School of International and Public Affairs) was looking for a graduate assistant for new projects that he wanted to work on. In the span of a few hours, I ended up interviewing with him, being told that they would let me know because there was another student they were considering, and later being called and told that I got the position. I was ecstatic. I called my parents in tears. This was actually happening; I was actually going to be able to start my PhD.

It all happened so fast. It all seemed so exciting. The dean seemed very enthusiastic and pleased that I would be working with him. Things eventually took a turn for the worst...

Transitioning into graduate school itself is extremely difficult. Many graduate students find themselves experiencing heightened stress and strain on their mental health. I did not give myself the space to transition into graduate school without the added stress of being a doctoral student, without the added expectations. On top of that, the dean had not had a graduate assistant before. This was new for him too. The expectations of me were blurred and my contract would only last for a year to be considered for possible renewal (the typical TA contract in my original department lasts 4 years), this led to disaster. I needed this position to continue to fund my studies, so I needed to make sure that I was on top of my work expectations. Because these expectations were unclear, the dean's secretary took advantage. It seems they were short staffed, and I was given administrative tasks that did not belong to me. I was made to come in to the office for strictly 20 hours a week. (Our contract states that we work up to 20 hours a week). If I was ever sick and missed a day, that would be added onto the hours for the next week. So if I missed a day where I was supposed to be in the office for 5 hours, I'd have to be there for 25 hours the following week. A breach in the contract, I know - but who was I, a lowly student, against the dean? This office (a shared space) was not a place where a person could focus on studying. There were students coming in and out, loud conversations occurring, and having to see if the actual student employee in charge of taking phone calls was at their desk - if not, I would have to man the phone. While I was doing administrative tasks for the dean's secretary, the dean was having me create themed presentations and CO-LECTURE with him. Me, a person who had been an undergraduate student only months earlier. I had to create these presentations from scratch and know all of the material. All of my focus had to be on this. My performance in my own classes and mental health declined quickly. I could not focus, I could not get my reading assignments done, I felt unprepared. I felt like a failure.

After a year, I realized that it was not worth to have my tuition paid for if I could not focus on my classes and was set up for failure. It took a lot, but ultimately I turned down the contract renewal. Here comes the fun part. My GPA dropped tremendously. I graduated Magna Cume Laude just a year before. I developed depression and didn't realize it; to the point where a friend practically made me go to counseling. The office manager at my actual department knew what I was going through. I had shared a lot of my experience with her. She advocated for me. Because of this, I was told that there was a student who had been awarded an assistantship for the incoming Fall 2019 semester, but had decided not to take it. The contract was going to be made for me instead, for not 4 but for 5 years since I had only come in with a BA degree. When they ran it through the associate dean's office... it was denied. My GPA was lower than the threshold. A LOT lower. I was told by the GPD - the same woman who had just started her position that said she would help me, the woman that had gone on maternity leave during that whole year after she started meaning she was not aware of the situation - that I should really take my studies more seriously. She received a very long email from me and apologized afterwards, to say the least. Nothing could be done.

I had no funding, only savings and ended up working Full Time in Fall of 2019 in order to try to pay for 1 course, that costed me a little over $3,000. Somehow, even though I strongly considered it, I managed not to drop out. By this time, the majority of the courses I had taken before had INs - incomplete grades. Two of them had automatically turned into Fs. Things were not okay.

I got a bit of a mental break during that Fall semester. I worked in a friendly environment. The office manager pulled some strings and let me work as an office assistant there... so I was still at my department, but working as staff. It was a little awkward. I'm eternally grateful to her, she became a close friend. And because of her, someone at another department got word that there was a graduate student who needed funding.

This office manager was good friends with a recently graduated phd student from our department who is now working for a different center in the university. Because she was part of my department, many of my current colleagues know her, and are good friends with her. We spoke, I rushed to get my GPA up to the 3.0 threshold and with the help of my professor's I was able to be awarded an assistantship with that center. I started in December of 2019.

Again, I was ecstatic. Things were looking up. When I went in for the first time, I immediately felt a huge difference. It was a smaller, more homey place; and a lovely environment to be in. The people there were sweet and caring. I've gotten along with the few professors I've had the chance of meeting and working with.

Where did it start going downhill? The professor that recommended me (graduate from my home department) continuously requested that I work with her. Her reason being that I got along better with her (something that I was not aware of). Because she considered herself as my friend, professional lines were horribly blurred. I found myself doing additional work for her as a "favor for a friend." She then started having us meet multiple times a week for hours - distracting from the time I needed to actually get work done. This center does not cap classes - I've had to grade for up to 400 students in one semester. The meetings she scheduled were incredibly unproductive, and I found myself having to take extra time to get the grading done. Again, my own studies were effected. The past academic year went on like this. I ended up assisting in creating a new course and new assignments from scratch.

Later I noticed that something was wrong. I was doing way more work than stipulated by my contract. She was giving me access to her courses that I was not assigned to grade for. Instead of assisting for one course in the semester (the one with the highest enrollment), I was assisting for three. This was constantly under the guise of 'friendship'. How was I supposed to reject my 'friend'? When I tried to draw professional boundaries, I was met with resistance.

My mental health declined again in the fall and I missed a few of her scheduled meetings (meetings which she said were NOT mandatory). Because of this, she decided to throw me under the bus with the director and making it seem as if I was not actually working - when I was addressing students' needs and getting grades in. This worsened in the Spring. With the help of my counselor I finally got the courage to communicate with her. Albeit through text, because she's the type of person that does not allow you to get a word in during conversation.

"On that note, there’s something I’ve wanted to talk about. I’ve been struggling with concentration and fatigue. This is something that I’ve been working on with my doctor to try to find solutions. I’ve noticed that being in Zoom meetings in general where there’s casual conversation makes it exceptionally difficult for me to focus on what I’m trying to get done. This has been problematic in the work zoom meetings. You probably have noticed I seem really quiet, that is because I’m trying my hardest to focus.

I need to be able to focus during the time I’m assigned to work as a GA. Otherwise, I must take more time to complete tasks that normally wouldn’t take up that long or just wait until the weekends to finish them. That is conflicting as I have set that time to work on class assignments and my own projects. So in the end I end up falling behind and not working well because my productivity levels are being affected."

She seemed to understand me and be supportive. Then I noticed coldness, and condescending passive aggressive texts from her part.

I realized that I could not do this any longer. I could not allow myself to continuously be taken advantage of. Both of the people I've worked for were aware of my vulnerable situation due to migration status. They both knew that it was not easy for me to pay for my studies through any other means. My studies depended on these people, and if they 'liked' me. They abused and absorbed my time to the extent that my studies suffered tremendously.

But I finally stood up for myself. I spoke with the director and she affirmed that my concerns were valid. Time and time again she assured me that my studies should always come first. She supported me. I will no longer be assigned to work with this person.

I finally feel heard.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's been 3 years since I started my program. A lot has happened in this time. I have a lot of catching up to do this summer if I want to stay on track and take my comprehensive exams by the end of the year. But someone finally heard me, acknowledged the wrongdoings and helped me.

Don't let people walk over you and take advantage of you. I'm learning this the hard way.

Speak your truth.

[gigslist]

34+ Voiceover Roles & 3 Musician Open Calls - Work From Home - Paid

'F*cking Sober' Podcast

22 + Roles

3 Open Calls for Musicians With Their Own Music

PAID WORK FROM HOME NON UNION

Deadline : September 15, 2021 2:00 PM

Somehow9am Productions // F*cking Sober: the first 90 days Podcast

Katie Mack, coord.

:"A call for artists in recovery for the 2nd Season of The Webby Award Winning Podcast Series 'F*cking Sober: the first 90 days.' We are looking for voice over talent and musicians/music producers for 'FS: Shadai.' 'F*cking Sober' is a semi-comedic mostly non-fictional narrative podcast following Shadai’s first 90 days of getting sober. Thirty-five year old Shadai is the black, queer, strong female in advertising— so what if she keeps shots in her bra for between meetings, right? But after a shitshow holiday party, a fuzzy cop encounter, and a disaster presentation with the new big account, Dry January doesn’t seem like such a bad idea. Maybe Dry Forever is better. This is what it looks, acts, and feels like to get f*cking sober. This 8 episode serialized show features music by artists with their own story with recovery. F*cking Sober Season 1: Anita has received 15k downloads since it’s release in Nov 2020, and received a 2021 Webby Nomination for Best Limited Series, and a Webby Win for Best Writing for a Podcast. At this time we are only looking to work with artists who have a relationship/understanding of recovery. Please follow instructions for submitting and what to include in the cover letter to be considered! Thank you! Listen to Season 1 to get the vibe: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/f-cking-sober-the-first-90-days/id1538804959?i=1000499155627 And check out: www.fckingsoberpodcast.com @fckingsober90_podcast More information about Somehow9am Productions & Katie Mack (Producer): www.somehow9amproductions.com www.mackstage.com"

Roles

Shadai (Voiceover): Female, 18+WORK FROM HOMEproduction states: "Note: We are only accepting submissions from artists who have their own story in recovery, TY! 35 year old, black, queer, cis gender female attorney with a dry sense of humor, who has strong opinions and shares them sometimes, is a powerhouse and knows it all… until… until she doesn’t. Please note your experience with improv/comedy in your cover letter If you have writing experience or are interested in writing please note this in your cover letter. We will be giving writing credits to the right candidate who desires to contribute to the molding of this character."Required Media: Voice Reel

Other Characters (Voiceover): 20-70

"Note: We are only accepting submissions from artists who have their own story in recovery, TY! We are looking for diversity in every sense of the word, from all genders, to ages, to ethnicities, to lived experiences, to food preferences!! In short, we are looking to cast dope, interesting people. Looking to cast various characters through out the S2 Shadai, including but not limited to:

Dad (black, army veteran, a dad’s dad)

Mom (black, hyper critical, the opposite of Shadai)

Dana (any ethnicity, work enemy)

Coco (white, work bestie)

JewBoo aka Therapist (Jewish, confidant, motherly, with a special sense of humor)

Miriam (black, best friend and ex-lover who tells it like it is)

Galen (white, gay, best friend who is warm and caring and pushy)

15 other characters Please note any experience you may have with comedy/improv if any. Please submit your reel along with your cover letter."Required Media: Voice Reel, Cover Letter

Musicians (BIPOC Artists in Recovery) (Voiceover): 18+ music from BIPOC identifying artists.

Musicians (Queer Identifying Artist in Recovery) (Voiceover): 18+ music by Queer Artists.

Musicians (Non-BIPOC/Non-Queer Artists in Recovery) (Voiceover): 18+ music from non-BIPOC or non-Queer Identifying Artists in recovery.

"To be produced over the course of October 2021 - January 2022 Shadai’s commitment is estimated at two hrs/wk. Other characters 30mins. Musicians, all work should already exist. Please be prepared to send stems or stripped down tracks."

Compensation & Union Contract Details

Stipend: $25 - $75Production states: "Shadai (Lead Character), $550 for full season. All Other Characters: $25-$50 per episode. Musicians: $25-$75 per song per episode. Sync license contract."

Seeking talent: Nationwide (United States)

Website:http://www.fckingsoberpodcast.com

======================================

'Rain: Series III'

12 Voiceover Roles

PAID WORK FROM HOME NONUNION

Deadline: September 14, 2021 8:59 PM

JKPRising James Klim, filmmaker

Seeking voiceover talent for "Rain: Series III," a web-series, created in the video game Halo Reach on MCC via Xbox/PC. "This series will have a total of 13 episodes. I have many characters to cast, 12 specifically. If you wish to learn more about the show, you can check out my documentary series regarding the show. You can view the first episode here - www.youtube.com/watch?v=AlzPQvJS3og A little bit about me, I am a freelance filmmaker who actually got into film through making Halo videos as a kid when I was younger. You can check out some of my work here - www.jkprising.com/ I've always wanted to return to my roots & finish a series I was never able to before, but now I have the time to focus on it. This is a paid position. Rates depend on each character as some have more lines than others & vice versa. I am not the wealthiest person in the world, but I will to compensate each voice actor for their performance. My budget per character is between $100 - $300. This again, all varies per character. In this post, there is a video of what the character will look like in the series. I have also attached a single page from a random episode script from the show. The highlighted lines are what the character will say. There will also be non verbal lines highlighted, this is meant to be voiced kind of like an anime, where every movement usually has sounds. Typically, how would you make a sound if you did any of the following, head turn, turns around, surprised gasp, sighs, etc. Since this a paid gig, I am expecting a professional voice audition & if hired, continued professional audio. This means minimum to no background noise. The audio needs to be crisp."

Roles

Chloe Moody (Voiceover): Female, 18-35WORK FROM HOME29. Voice type: English/United Kingdom accent, polite, doesn't get mad often but when she does, she loses it, anxious, low self esteem, hopeful. Chloe Moody used to be a psychiatrist, but after the death of her soon to be husband, she spiraled into insanity. She met someone later on in life named Tom Rains, who looked exactly like her dead boyfriend. She became obsessed with him & tried to get with him, which sunk her further into a deep depression. She finally hit rock bottom, which causes her to seek out help from the very people she used to serve. Chloe meets a psychiatrist named Jennifer, who is able to help herself almost fully recover. Chloe eventually accidently runs back into Tom, which triggers Chloe to try one last time. After a final rejection, Chloe comes to the realization that she is not redeemable & decides to take her own life in front of Tom. Chloe's death, triggers a massive event for Tom Rains, which has massive ramifications for the series. Chloe is a major character and will appear in a couple episodes.Languages:

English

Accents:

British

Australian

Voice Styles:

Soft

Softspoken

Crazy

Compassionate

Sad

Angry

Required Media: Voice Reel

Dark Daryl (Voiceover): Male, 18-40WORK FROM HOME

32, voice type: Very dark presence, evil. sadistic, look at examples like Yami Marik from the Original Yu-Gi-Oh - www.youtube.com/watch?v=4xaa_ycud6o, manic, darkness. Dark Daryl is the darkness of his original persona, Daryl. Daryl accidentally acquired a powerful technology known as an imperium. This caused Daryl to lose himself to it at some point & was taken over by an alternate personality named, The Professor, which caused tons of damage. When Daryl came back to his senses, the damage had been done & others abandoned him, which caused him to grow angry at something that he didn't consciously do. Daryl once again loses himself to the imperium, which turns into Dark Daryl, a representation of all the anger & hatred he endured over the course of his past uncontrollable actions. Dark Daryl is very aggressive, sadistic & wants to destroy the people who wronged him in the past. Eventually, he comes face to face with Daryl & fights to stay as the one who remains in control, even if that means killing Daryl & anyone who gets in his way. Dark Daryl is a character who appears in the second half of the show, & becomes the series main villain. He will appear in many episodes.

Languages:

English

Voice Styles:

Aggressive

Angry

Evil

Commanding

Straightforward

Scary

Dangerous

Intimidating

Demonic

Required Media: Voice Reel

Nikki (Voiceover): Female, 18-35 WORK FROM HOME

25. Voice type: Energetic, passionate, caring, open-minded, loving, positive, independent, fighter. Nikki used to date Tom Rains. She didn't really have much going for her, as she had no ambition at all during that time of her life. After Tom broke up with her, this was quite the shock to Nikki. It caused her to really dive deep within herself & from that moment, she tried to learn more about herself. She discovered a love for storytelling, & so went into journalism. Nikki is now dating Jennifer & they have been together for almost a year. Nikki eventually gets wrapped up in a major conspiracy, which drags many of her friends in with her. She is in for the story of her entire career. Nikki is a major character and will appear in many episodes.

Languages:

English

Voice Styles:

Comforting

Compassionate

Caring

Amusing

Animated

Brave

Heroic

Required Media: Voice Reel

Talent works remotely with professional recording equipment.

Professional Pay: $100 - $300Pays between $100-$300 depending on character.

Nationwide (United States)

Additional Materials

Website: https://www.jkprising.com/

Nikki Audition.pdf - https://d26oc3sg82pgk3.cloudfront.net/files/media/uploads/casting_call/7f95c65b-ab53-43d3-a66b-9e59d1041acb.pdf

Dark Daryl Audition.pdf - https://d26oc3sg82pgk3.cloudfront.net/files/media/uploads/casting_call/00cfdf46-84c1-4da6-9dee-91c7bcdeed3d.pdf

Chloe Moody Audition.pdf https://d26oc3sg82pgk3.cloudfront.net/files/media/uploads/casting_call/186cbe9e-9c7e-4ce5-bcbe-2407a9dec00b.pdf

[foramomentonly]

38 for the meet ugly prompt 😉

@prouvaireafterdark I love that it’s you and it’s me and it’s this prompt, but I somehow managed to not make it smutty? I’m so sorry I failed you.

Prompt: I overhear you ordering your coffee in a coffee shop and I’m trying to place your voice when I realize that you’re the phone sex operator I’ve been calling on and off for the last few months but the realization startles me so much that I accidentally spill my drink on you and you’re pissed

"So, what did you do last night?" Liz asks, peaking ahead of the line. It's early, but the Student Center coffee shop is always crowded.

Michael smiles dreamily, and Liz rolls her eyes.

"Oh, no!" she cries, dropping her forehead against his shoulder and shaking her head dramatically. "Not again, Mikey!"

"I can't help it!" Michael laughs. "His voice, Liz!"

"You're gonna blow your stipend calling a phone sex line!" Liz hisses, hooking her arm in the crook of his elbow.

He scoffs and shakes his head, but she sort of has a point.

It had started with a frat party and a tipsy, handsy make-out session. With a guy. Michael has always been comfortable admitting that many men, as well as women, are, objectively, smokin’ hot. He’s an open-minded kinda guy. But that night, sucking on the bottom lip of a very cute, very male English major with striking green eyes while trying to slide his hand inexpertly down said English major’s pants, Michael had realized he might be a little more than open-minded. When he saw a tattered flyer at his bus stop declaring “Talk to Real LGBTQ Folks in Your Area!” he thought it was a helpline and shoved one of the little tearaway strips of paper in his pocket. Leave it to Michael Guerin to call a phone sex line by mistake.

The first time he’d called had been an accident. All the other times—thirteen, by his best estimation—were fate. Because Michael Guerin is in love with Operator 4647. Alex. At least, that’s the name he uses when he takes Michael apart piece by piece with only the low, rumbling heat of his voice that flows like liquid through Michael’s phone and drips down his spine, leaves him boneless and shivering on his too-small twin mattress. And it’s not just the sex. Alex lets details slip if Michael is patient and doesn’t press too hard too fast, and Michael is head-over-heels for the smart, witty, maybe a little haunted man Michael’s constructed from those crumbs. Sometimes Michael makes him laugh, high and breathy, and Michael’s glad he isn’t pursuing music after all because no instrument can produce a sound as sweet as that. Other times Alex is sullen, sticks to the script. 

“Oh, yeah,” he assures Michael on a good day, “there’s a script.” 

And Michael quickly replies, “Throw it out.” 

On those calls, Michael cradles his phone like it’s Alex’s cheek and whispers, “Don’t. We’ll just sit here. It’s okay.” He’s paid $45 to bear witness to fifty minutes of Alex’s heavy silence.

Michael listens to Liz chat excitedly about their upcoming biochemistry lab, ordering an iced caramel latte for himself and a drip coffee for Liz, and they move to the side to let the next customer, a tan, attractively boyish student with messy hair and dark eyes, approach the till.

“Chai latte to go, please,” Michael hears him order as Liz hands him his open drink.

He freezes. Michael knows that voice. He knows it from his dreams, waking and asleep. He knows it from every dirty fantasy he's had in the past month, when he's working himself over in the shower, leaning against the tile of the stall and biting down on his forearm to keep quiet. He knows it from last night.

He whips around and runs latte-first into the man—into Alex—and his cold, milky, syrupy drink explodes like a water balloon between them, soaking Alex’s tee shirt. When Michael looks up in horror, he even sees drops of it rolling down Alex’s chin and neck.

“What the fuck?!” Alex growls, glaring at Michael coldly.

“I’m so sorry, Alex,” Michael says, unthinking. “I’m so sorry.”

Alex pulls his shoulders back quickly, spine painfully straight, narrows his eyes, and speaks. But his posture draws Michael’s attention to the impressive width and strength of his shoulders and the way his nipples are hard beneath his wet shirt, and he misses what Alex actually says.

“Wha’?” Michael asks in a daze.

“I said how do you know my name?” Alex demands, and Michael bites his lip.

“It’s me,” he says. “It’s Michael.”

“Michael? I don’t kno-” Alex’s mouth drops open and Michael smiles at him hopefully, but Alex only pales and mutters, “Shit,” under his breath. The barista calls Alex’s name and Michael grabs his drink, holding it out to him and willing Alex to take it, desperate to share something tangible between them. Alex takes the cup by the mouth, carefully avoiding Michael’s fingers wrapped around the base of the cup. Michael is anxious to keep Alex talking, to extend the time that he’s standing right here, in front of Michael, beautiful and solid. 

"W-wow," Michael says. "You really don't have a face for voice work."

"Excuse me?"

"You know what they say," he babbles. "You have a face for voice work if you're-uh. If you're not. But y-you're. You're fucking gorgeous."

Alex stares and when Michael glances behind him for back-up he can't even catch Liz's eyes, the curtain of her hair hiding her face as she drops her head in her hands and shakes it slowly. 

Very, very hesitantly, though, Alex smiles, looking down into his open drink in what Michael desperately hopes is fond amusement.

“Wow,” he breathes, “You really are you, huh?”

Michael laughs in hysterical relief and even Liz chuckles.

“Ain’t that the truth,” she says, and points over her shoulder. “I’m gonna go. See you in lab, Mikey.”

Michael barely spares her a glance as he waves distractedly.

“Your name’s really Alex?” Michael asks in wonder. “That’s the truth?”

“Everything I told you is the truth,” Alex says softly, his shoulders lifting in a self-conscious shrug.

“Go out with me,” Michael practically shouts, and Alex jumps as though frightened. “Please.”

“I’m not gonna sleep with you,” Alex says wearily. “That’s just a job. I got massive loans and full class load and work-study during the day.”

Shit, Michael didn’t even think about the implications of his question, of meeting Alex as the guy that talks him off twice a week and then asking him to fucking dinner the first time they meet in person. He raises his hands in the air in a gesture of innocence, the remnants of his spilled latte sliding messily down his arm from the sideways cup still in his grip.

“I won’t even try to kiss you,” he says.

Alex raises a skeptical brow and Michael puts his free hand over his heart.

"I promise," he chants, "I promise, I promise, I promise."

Wow, maybe he didn't need that coffee after all.

The corner of Alex’s mouth lifts in a small smile, and Michael shakes his head, eyes wide.

“I like you, Alex,” he says easily. “I like that you didn’t laugh at me when I called a phone sex line about my sexuality. I like that you actually talked to me about the universe of gender and sexual attraction for, like, twenty minutes. I think you’re funny and really smart, and, yeah, ridiculously sexy, but. That’s not even that big a deal.”

Alex quirks a brow, and Michael takes a slow step closer. Alex allows it.

“I mean, it’s not not a big deal,” he admits. “You know.” 

With a quiet laugh that to Michael sounds like the delicate trill of wedding bells, Alex takes his hand and pulls him towards the door.

“Come on,” he says softly. “You owe me a shirt. We’ll see where we go from there.”

[manireads]

freelancer, changkyun x reader 1-4

word count : 9.1 k

changkyun x reader

hacker au/mafia au (eventually)

an: it’s been a minute but i rewrote the parts of freelancer i didn’t like and added on the fourth part. you can think of this a prologue for the new direction i want to take this series. i’ll be posting more about that later. but for now i hope you enjoy. 

also i would love some feedback as well. 

                                                       ~*~

If I take a double shift tomorrow and then we wish on a star, all our dreams come true, and he actually gets a paid project, we might be able to pay our bills without having to sell my left kidney.’ She watched the ramen in the pot cook. Her mind wandered off to other things and soon she began to absentmindedly stir the noodles. Y/N was startled out of her thoughts, as she heard the sound of the front door to her studio apartment slam shut followed by the voice of her boyfriend, Changkyun. 

“Hey,” Before she knew it he was behind her, his chin resting on her shoulder, his arms wrapped around her waist. “How was your day? Anything happen at the restaurant?” She felt safe with him around and being close with him after a stressful day made her worries fade away, temporarily. 

“It was alright. I did trip and dropped a bunch of plates in the kitchen so that was fun” She said slightly joking, but the slight throbbing in her back reminded her that as funny as it was, it hurt more than she laughed. 

“I keep telling out that you have to get rid of those old sneakers. The bottoms are so flat, there’s no grip on them.” He chuckled, his laugh deep and hearty. He nuzzled his face into the side of her neck, his breath tickling her skin. 

“I can’t do that. Converse looks better the more you wear them and the more worn they get.” 

“You’ve had those since high school.”

“Exactly, you can’t get all those years of dirt and grime back.” 

“That’s gross.” He said moving away from her, making his way to the small sofa on the other side of the room. He plopped down on it, sighing loudly. He was relieved to finally be home. The days that he had to spend that outside the comfort of his own couch, were undeniably the worst. But you have to make money to live, right?

“I would get a new pair but we just can’t afford to spend money on new sneakers like that right now.” Y/N finished the ramen bringing the pot over to the couch, along with two cans of sodas that she had picked up earlier. She tossed one to to him before placing the pot on the coffee table in front of the sofa and taking a seat next to him. 

“Speaking of money,” Changkyun groaned, knowing exactly where the conversation was going. He really didn’t want to get into an argument today. Quickly, he leaned forward stuffing his face with ramen trying to avoid conversation all together. “Oh, come on Changkyun,” he looked at her mouth full and cheeks puffed out, looking at her with feigned innocence. “We have to talk about this.” 

He chewed his food and swallowed before looking at her, “Yeah but not tonight, alright?” He said before giving her a kiss right on her closed lips, a smile spread across his face as she agreed in a less enthusiastic way. The both leaned back into the couch, slowly sinking into it. His thoughts became consumed with the show that was playing on the laptop that sat on a stool right across the coffee table. Y/N unfortunately couldn’t get into the t.v. show. She was too busy thinking about everything Changkyun wasn’t. 

When Y/N looks back on their relationship, she never thought that this is where they would be. She honestly thought that they would have broken up at the end of high school. She didn’t think that they were going to last as long as they did when he asked her out at the beginning of their first year. But time after time, Changkyun stuck with her and in turn she became attached as well. But when third year started to come to a close, she knew that it was coming to an end. Changkyun had started to talk about moving away from their home town and all the plans that he had had for his future. The more he talked about it, the more she realized that she wasn’t included and at first it didn’t bother her, but as it started to sink in she realized that she really loved him and was too attached to say goodbye so soon. 

She would remain silent about it in front of him. But when he wasn’t around, she started to look up all the places mentioned. She even started to plan out what compromises for the two of them. One where she could go to her dream school and not be too far away from him was impossible, so that was out. A long distance relationship was out of the question, she barely could text him regularly and they were with each other everyday. The only option was to move out of their hometown together. But she didn’t want to intrude on his plans, so she had to talk to him. It was probably the most awkward conversation they have ever had but it was the most important.

 At the end of it all, Y/N found that he always wanted her to be by his side but he was afraid she wouldn’t want to because she seemed destined to do bigger and better. Y/N had scholarships to some of the best colleges in the country lined up and waiting for her. Her passion being the arts, she could have studied anywhere she wanted and had a foot up in that difficult industry. Your future was waiting for you and he knew that he couldn’t keep up. So he never mentioned how he wanted to be with you after graduation. He was afraid that he wouldn’t be enough for you, and sometimes he still feels this way when he can’t give you everything you need and want. So in true Changkyun fashion, instead of talking about it he’d rather ignore the feelings in his heart and the thoughts racing in his mind. He acted like everything was okay, for her.

After hours of binge watching some show, the both of them were too brain fired to take in another second. Y/N went to clean up their dinner and Changkyun closed down the laptop and packed it away with his other equipment. Changkyun seemed smart enough that Y/n thought now would be a good idea to talk to him now. She’d known him for years now and knows that to get him to listen would be during his sleepiest moments. She couldn’t outsmart him when he was wide awake but when he was on his way to la la land was her time to strike. He’d talk to her and promise her things during their pillow talk and in the morning she’d hold him to it. She wished that she wouldn’t have to use such secret tactics to get to him but it was really her only way. 

“Babe,” She started noticing his sleepy walk as he carried himself to the bathroom and she followed. “The month is almost up and I don’t think we are going to make it.” 

“We’ll make it, love. Don’t worry.” His muffled voice came out as he started to brush his teeth. You followed him and started as well not dropping the subject. Through muffled voices she let him know that her paycheck wouldn’t be enough. He finished first and washed his face before heading to the bed. 

“Okay, I get it. And I am trying to do a little more. You know I’m just a free-”

“A freelancer, yes I know. But the stipend that that company gives you is not enough. They rarely give you any jobs since the first couple of months there. If you're a freelancer, you should be able to work for anyone who pays.” You said coming out of the bathroom to sit across from him on the couch. Sinking into the cushions you watched him as he sat with his back against the wall and  his phone in his hand as he typed away.

“Yeah, but I signed an exclusive contract with them for the rest of the year and if I were to pull out then there goes my only source of reliable income. I want to leave honestly but It would be even worse for us because I’d have nothing to give.” He sighed, closing his phone and tossing it to the side. He looked at Y/N with tired eyes. She knew how hard he worked and she hated having this conversation more than anyone else. She never wanted to pressure him but she had to stay headstrong. 

“Okay, what about that other thing you were talking about maybe a couple a months ago. Your friend DK was working on it right? What ever happened to that?” 

“It didn't really pan out. They didn’t need me and it was just a start up so I don’t think I would have been getting paid much either way.” You both stared at each other. He could see the frustration in her eyes. “But,” He offered carefully. “I do have something coming my way. It's just going to take time before I can actually get paid for it.”

“Changkyun, how many times are you going to tell her that before you actually do get paid.”

“Hopefully not again. I’m already breaking my company contract so I’m risking a lot already. I know it’s been tough but this time it will be good. They are really serious about the work they want done and I can do it. We just have to wait until I actually finish the job.” 

“So what do we do now, Changkyun? We need money and we need it fast. I doubt that Ms. Choi is going to let us pay the rent in a couple weeks late again. She’ll kick us out, then what will we do, huh?” She could feel her voice cracking and her eyes watering. She hated this feeling more than anything. It was like she was stuck between wanting to protect him and his fantasy that somehow they’d be okay and the harsh reality that they were screwed. He looked at her knowing that she could burst out in tears at any moment. He scooted up to the edge of the bed holding his arms out.

“Come here. You know I hate to see you cry.” She got up and walked over to him becoming entrapped as he wrapped his arms around her hips. Pressing his head into her stomach, they stayed like this for a long moment. “I’m going to make this right to you, I promise.” At his promise he looked up at her. “Someday, you’ll never have to cry over money again. We’ll be so rich that our kids will have those cute little motor cars and they’ll drive them around our huge backyard of our mansion. When they get speed, we’ll have a hired policeman give them little tickets that they could pay.” He smiled as he saw the edges of the mouth curl up into a little smile. “That’s how rich we’ll be. I swear. I just need a little more time” 

“Our kids?” Y/N asked with a slight chuckle. She wanted to continue to argue but she couldn't find the strength when he looked at her like that.

“Yeah, I mean  if you want kids. I would love to have a little baby that looks like you but I could teach to code like me .”

“Hey, I can code some things! My old tumblr, I did that all by myself.” She giggled hitting him on his shoulder. 

“Okay but when I try and show you other things, you can never get it.” The two of them moved further into the bed, lying down as the exhaustion of the day caught up with them. 

“Yeah, past tumblr it gets too hard, so I give up.” She smiled and moved his hair out of his face. “I love you, you know that, right?”

“You wouldn’t be dealing with me if you didn’t.” 

“You got that right.” They both chuckled.

“I love you too.” He replied as he both of them got comfy under the covers and swiftly fell asleep. It was late into the night when the bed started to vibrate. It woke Y/N slightly but as she opened her eyes slightly, she noticed it was still dark outside. Changkyun on the other hand was wide awake from the vibrations. Quickly, he found his phone that was responsible for waking them. Y/N couldn’t see who had called him, opting to try and fall back asleep. Changkyun, however, picked up as soon as he realized who called. In a hushed voice he talked to the other person, from time to time he would look over to Y/N, hoping he hadn’t been too loud and woke her up. Changkyun and the person on the phone agreed on something and He asked for the address to be texted to him and with that, the phone call ended. Changkyun laid there for only a second debating whether or not to let her know that he was heading out. He decided against it and tried to get out of the bed as silently as possible. He quietly moved around the room packing up his laptop and some other equipment into his backpack. Shuffling into his sneakers, he looked at you sound asleep. He knew he had to do this for her. For them. He exited the apartment making his way out into the night, not knowing that when closed to the door Y/N rolled over in the bed to stare at the door.

 “Where in the hell can he be going at 3am in the morning?”

                                                        ~*~

The rest of the week had gone on like this. Changkyun would wake up at mysterious times to a phone, have a brief conversation and then slip into the night with his work bag slung across his back. Y/N tried not to let it bother her too much but how could she ignore it when they shared a bed together and Changkyun wasn’t the smoothest getting out of it. For the first couple of days, she’d wake up to the feeling of the phone vibrating, keeping her eyes closed to pretend she was sleeping. She’d try and listen in on the hushed conversations had but nothing really came from it. She did get caught once, it was Thursday morning and she was moving a bit too much for Changkyun to not notice.

“Hold on,” he said into the phone. She immediately became rigid in the bed, hoping that I could play it off as if I had just woke up. He leaned forward hovering over her. His shallow breath fanning over her face as he looked for any signs to tell that she was awake. And although her body was still, her closed eyes still moved around. A slight worry entered his brain, had she heard him? “Baby, did I wake you up?”

Her first instinct was to smile and break out in a giggle, like a child who was caught red handed. With his face so close to hers, it was nearly impossible not to. But with all of her might, she calmed the giggling child. Y/N opened her eyes slowly, her face scrunched up, pretending that she had just woke up and had to wait for her eyes to adjust. She even stretched her body in hopes that Changkyun would believe it.

“Hmm?” She asked, as if she hadn’t heard him shuffling about. She looks at him, the moonlight from our window lighting up his face. His eyes glistened as he looked down on her with a soft but concerned gaze. Swiftly, her eyes flicker away from his face and she can see his phone in his hand that was resting on his thigh, his other arm I was under the pillow my head was laying on. He was on another call. She squinted her eyes trying to see the caller ID but  wasn’t quick enough because he realized what caught her attention, and moved the phone away from view. She looked back up at him with a small pout on her face.

“Sorry about that,” He chuckled in a hushed tone. “I was playing a game.” He kissed her underneath her right eye. The sweet gesture caused a bubbling feeling in her chest. She couldn’t stop the small grin on her face. “I’m sorry I woke you up.” He leaned down and kissed her again, this time on her forehead. She breathes in his scent, their soap and hints of his favorite cologne that he got as a present for graduation and uses sparingly. Wood sage and sea salt.

“Why are you up so late?” She asked, as she attempted to muster up as much of a groggy voice that she could.

“I woke up but couldn’t fall asleep, so I was just on my phone.” He answered, placing his lips by her ear before whispering, “Go back to bed, I’ll be right here.” She nodded, turning back over to face the windows. With no curtain, the light from outside entered the tiny apartment, casting a blue hue over everything. He slipped his arm from underneath her and waited until she closed her eyes again. He let go of the breath that he was holding, before scooting down and off the bed.  Phone still in hand, he shuffled to the bathroom and closed the door behind him. She waited a moment before sitting up in bed, looking at the bathroom door.

Unfortunately, the walls weren’t thin enough that she could eavesdrop on him from the bed, only being able to catch murmurs of the conversation from where she was laying. She sat there staring at the door, the light shining from underneath the bottom, the door knob almost shining. It teased her, ‘open the door, confront him.’ Scenarios of what would happen when he exited ran through her head. Would she get up and yell at him? Let him know everything that’s been running through her mind. Demand to know who he’s been talking to every night, where he’s been going, and why? Hell, if she moved fast enough she could barge in there right now and ask the person on the phone herself.

She had almost made up her mind to do it but heard the sound of the sink running and laid back down back in the bed, eyes closed shut instantly. The squeaky door opened again and Changkyun cautiously stepped out. Believing that she had fallen asleep again, let out a shaky sigh. He walked around the full sized bed, to the dresser that was on her side of the bed. He pulls his usual work clothes, a white button up, one of the three ties that he owns, and a pair of black slacks. He checks if they are clean before putting them into his work bag, along with his laptop and a pair of dress shoes. He changed into his regular clothing, a flannel and jeans. He looked down to his side at her, the light on her looked so soft and calming. As much as he wanted to lay back down he couldn’t. He had somewhere to be. He leaned over her again and kissed her on her lips ever so softly, careful not to wake her up. “I love you” he whispered before standing up again. Changkyun grabs his keys, wallet, and phone, putting them into his pockets. He spares her one last look making sure she’s fast asleep and knows nothing of this late night departure. He shoves his feet in his sneakers and walks out of the apartment, silently closing and locking the door behind him. His pace is fast as he makes his way out of the apartment complex. Once out of the courtyard and on the street, he shifts the bag on his back and pulls up the hood on his hoodie, effectively blending himself in with the shadows.

Back in the studio apartment, she lays there eyes wide open, staring at the ceiling. Tear brimming and threatening to escape her as moments pass by.

If you love me  so fucking much then why are you lying to me ?

                                                        ~*~

It’s a chilly spring day, the people outside are making their way around Seoul, dressing in their light coats and bright colors to match the time of year. Trees are starting to sprout flowers in soft white and pink colors. The brightens everything making everything seem a little washed out of color, life a filter has been placed over the world. The cold breeze swept through the city streets shaking blossoms off tree limbs and sent them sailing through the air. The day was nearly picture perfect. 

With the weather being so nice, a change from the onslaught of rain recently, Y/N felt like it was the perfect time for her to get out of the house and meet with her friends again. She hadn’t had the time to do so in a while because of all the extra work that she had to do. She ended up paying a majority of her rent on time. Her landlord was annoyed but gracious enough to let her pay off the rest when she had the rest of the money, which she did a week later. With a bit of extra cash in her pocket that she didn’t usually have, Y/N decided to treat herself. She’d worked her ass off the past three weeks and deserved it. Hoping to take her mind  off the whole Changkyun ordeal, She contacted her closest friends two days prior. They planned to spend the whole day out, shopping and eating, so that they wouldn’t get caught up watching dramas inside like they usually do. It was 12:30 pm and she sat in the little cafe that Soobin worked in, sipping on a latte and eating one of the small pre-wrapped sandwiches that could pick up near the register. The place was a bohemian inspired with mismatched furniture of all different patterns, styles, and color. Plants hung all over the interior of the cafe, some cute little succulents and other long sprawling plants with huge leaves. Somehow, it still flowed together nicely and gave off a very homey feel. One that Y/N was quite familiar with after visiting the cafe so regularly. Soobin was surprised to see Soojung and Y/N when the two had walked through the door earlier. The girls had promised to meet up after her shift but Sojung had complained in the group chat about how hungry she was and they decided that they could probably get some free food and drinks out of Soobin. 

Halfway through brunch, that was turning into more of a lunch at this point, Sojung asked Y/N about Changkyun. She tried to keep it light and casually but was tired of keeping her thoughts in my head. She needed someone to talk to about the secret calls and disappearing. Y/N couldn't help but tell her  everything. Every little detail came spilling out of her mouth. After every question she asked her closest friend,  she hoped they’d tell me that she was overreacting. But a little voice in her head answered instead. ‘No, it’s not normal. Yes, there is something wrong.’ She couldn’t stop the feeling of being so helpless in those moments. After letting everything out, she tried to pass it off as if it wasn't bothering her as much as it did inside. However, Sojung had no intentions of letting it go. She knew there was something deeper going on.

                                                        ~*~

"All that and you haven't said a word to him?" Sojung asked me. I shook my head while I took a sip of my coffee. 

"Nope. I just don't know where he is going and I don't want to be that type of girlfriend, you know?" I placed the cup down on the table. 

She looked at me with wide eyes, completely surprised. I groaned out running my hands through my hair before letting my head hit the table. It was almost like I could hear what she was going to say to me, mainly because I've already been telling myself the same thing. 'You need to say something! You can't just let him walk all over you. If something is bothering you in your relationship, then you should speak up.' It wasn't long before Soobin came over to join us with a small tray with some pastries on it and more coffee. 

"Alright," She placed the tray on the table and took a seat with us. "I'm finally off. I hate morning shifts with a passion but I make the most in tips. Also, if you too keep on coming here for free food, My boss is going to figure you two out. Anyway, what did I miss?" I was going to tell her nothing but,

"Changkyun is cheating on Y/N!"

"He’s what?!"

"He is not!" I retort back, lifting my head looking at the two of them. Soobin looked at me with a similar surprised look that Sojung had earlier. "He's not," I say, looking at Sojung challenging her. She rolls her eyes and goes to take another sip from her own mug. "He would never. You know he's not that type of guy. He's just acting weird." I mumble. I didn't want to believe that Changkyun could possibly cheat on me. But no matter how much I tried, my mind always ended up on that conclusion.

"Sure." Sojung placed her cup on the table. She pursed her lips. "Soobin," She turned to her, her body language showing that she didn’t want my input. "If Hyunjung was getting weird phone calls in the middle of the night and then after getting these calls, she jumped out of bed at two am in the morning and just left the house, not waking you up to even tell you where she was going, then doesn't come home until after work, what would you think she was up to, huh?" The whole time while Sojung talked I wanted to interrupt but she wasn't embellishing the truth. That was everything that I was going through for the past three weeks.

"Well, I'd ..." She stopped talking, taking the moment to look over at me with sad eyes. " Oh honey," She started.

"Not you too!" I leaned back in my chair, my eyes meeting the ceiling.

"Y/N, it sounds like he's doing something he doesn't want you to know about. What else could it be?" She sounded so concerned for me but I didn't want to be pitied. I looked back at the two of them, fixing my posture in the chair.

"I don't know what it could be but I can't just come out and accuse him of something like that. I mean, what if he isn't. You wouldn't be happy if Hyunjung just came out and called you a cheater, right?"

"Yeah, but Soobin isn't giving Hyunjung a reason to worry, unlike Changkyun." Sojung budded in making another point that I couldn't refute. All I could do was look at her hoping she would stop being so right about this.

"Have you even asked him about all of this?" From my expression, Soobin could tell what the answer was. Her mouth dropped open. I could understand the shock from my friends. It really wasn't like me to not say something when I was bothered. But this had to do with Changkyun. I'm always so afraid to lose him since we graduated. I always felt like we weren't supposed to make it past that last year of high school. All of it was borrowed time and eventually the two of us were going to be forced to separate ways. It feels inevitable but I just don't want it to be now. Not while I'm still so in love with him.

"Okay, I'll ask him about it tonight when he comes home. Until then can we please drop it, I came out with my friends to get away from all of that."

"You're really going to talk to him?" Soobin asked. Sojung was watching me intently. I nodded my head. I knew I really wasn't but I just wanted to let it go and enjoy the rest of my day.  Soobin seemed to accept my answer but Sojung was still silent. We stared at each other until she finally broke.

"Fine. We'll drop it but I want an update after you do."

"Yes, mom." It was my turn to roll my eyes and Soobin giggled. From there, we ate the rest of our food and decided to roam around Hongdae seeing if there was a place to do some shopping. We eventually came across this quaint boutique. We spent the afternoon trying outfits for the next time we would go out together. It'd be a nightclub, so we wanted to look as good as possible. I ended up with a couple nice things, a few sweaters, t-shirts, a pair of jeans, and a nice party dress. They were out of season but they were all on the clearance rack so I didn't break the bank. After all the shopping, we decided to grab something else to eat before parting ways. Sojung was the first to go, leaving Soobin and I walking towards the train station.

"Don't punk out okay. Just ask him where he's been going and let him know that it bothers you a lot." I nodded leaning in and gave her a hug.

"Tell Hyunjung I said hi, okay? Love you." I said, releasing her from the hug.

"I love you too. Don't forget" She said pointing at me as she made her way to the steps of the station.

“I won't, now go before you miss your train." I waved before she disappeared down the steps.  It wasn't much of a walk home from there. But I dreaded getting home more than anything. I stopped at the convenience store to waste time. Looking through the aisles picking up some chips, candy and even a bottle of soju.

An aisle over, there was a man with wild brown picking out some bags of chips. I can't help but smile at his hairstyle thinking that he might have jumped out of bed and came to the convenience store. Deciding to mind my business, I pick up two bottles of soju and make my way to the counter.

"Is this all?" the cashier asks. I nodded as he started to bag up my items. While he does that, I notice somebody beside me. It's the same man with wild hair. I take in his face quickly, the small cross tattoo by his eye and his overall outfit allude to the hair being more of a style choice than a circumstance. "That'll be ₩20,000." Immediately, I start rummaging through my bag. Each moment becomes more frantic because I can't find my wallet.

"I got it. I'll pay for both of them together.” He says, pushing his items closer to the cashier.

“Oh, you don’t have to do that.”

“Don’t worry. I won’t put a dent in my pocket.” Pulling out a card from his wallet and holding it up for the cashier to see. He turned to me with a toothy grin and I smiled back politely. After paying for both his and my stuff, he handed me my bag.

"Thank you, that was really kind of you."

"No problem." He said simply and we both walked out of the store. "Welp, good night." He said making a small salute with his hands before walking the way I just came from.

"Good night." I say back to him and turn to walk in the opposite way. I let out a sigh when I deem we are far enough from each other. I didn’t want to have to explain to him why just because he brought my snacks, I didn’t owe him my phone number or my time, especially when I didn’t ask him to pay for it in the first place. But the fact that had just left me to go on my merry way made me smile. Guess he just wanted to be nice to someone.

The whole interaction almost made me forget what I had promised my friends earlier. It wasn't until I was a block away from my apartment complex that I could see the light on from the 5th apartment on the third floor. Changkyun was already home.

                                                        ~*~

Walking up the stairs to our apartment, I can feel my body getting lighter and lighter with each step, to the point I started to feel light headed. I wanted to run back down the stairs and hide away. Anything to prolong the confrontation I knew would come. But I didn’t have that option. My friends would just send me right back home. I pressed on after catching my breath at the top of the staircase. The words that I had planned for Changkyun left my mind as I neared the door. Quickly I reshuffle the bags in my hand and dig through my purse to find my keys, but failed to get them out. Letting out a sigh, I lift my hand to knock on the door. I really wanted to at least put my stuff down before we started talking.

From the door, I could hear Changkyun shuffle around in the apartment and his feet dragging to the door. “Who is it?” I could hear him ask, his face probably pressed against the door to look out the peephole.

“It’s me, Changk-”

“Sorry, I didn’t order any pizza.” 

“Changkyun, it’s not pizza.”

“Oh? No pizza? Then you must be one of those toaster salesman, huh?”

“Oh my god, Chang. You are so annoying.” I drone out with a dramatic eye roll. I have to hold myself from smiling though. Changkyun likes to play this game whenever I lock myself out of our home. 

“Wait! You’re one of those cult recruiters, aren’t you?”

“Open the damn door! My arms hurt and the soju is getting warm.” I say giving the door a little kick. Swiftly the door opens up and Changkyun is standing there in his pj’s, wire glasses, and tousled hair. 

“Soju? You’re definitely trying to get me to join a cult.” We both share a small laugh as I make my way through the door. “Woah, big baller, what did you get? And did you get me something?” He asked me to take my shopping bags from me and take a quick look through them.

“Just some jeans and tops. I didn’t really get you anything but if you want, there is a cute little dress you can have.” I said with a joking smile plopping down on the bed, shedding my jacket from my shoulders. He came over and pulled the jacket away from me and planted a kiss on my forehead.

“As hot as I would look in a dress, teal isn’t my color.” He walked away with my jacket in hand and turned to hang it up. Watching him, I laid out on our bed. He shoots me a goofy smile as he busies himself around the kitchen. “Ooo, peach flavored? Nice.” He says as he stashes the bottles of soju in the fridge. “It’ll be a good nightcap after we eat dinner. Have you eaten already?” He asks moving towards the small kitchenette. I grunt a ‘no’ to him and he hums and nods. “Good because I cooked dinner for us.” 

“You cooked?” I asked in a mocking tone, sitting up slightly.

“Oh shut up, I am not that bad at cooking.” 

“You forgot to put water in your ramen.” I deadpan.

“That was once!”

“Twice.”

“Okay, but did you die?” I don’t respond to him, too amused by his persistence and he takes it as a win, “Exactly.”

The rest of the evening went on quite simply. Changkyun served up a pretty decent dinner. It wasn’t ramen so I was generally impressed, however it wasn’t completely cooked by him. Later in the night while cleaning, I noticed a very convenient rotisserie chicken container in the trash. We finally wound down after talking about our days and him enthusiastically telling me a story about a man and his parrot that he saw on the train in the morning. 

“And then he would stop the baby talking with the parrot and he wasn’t quiet either. I heard him all the way across the train car.”

“Oh god, that’s weird.”

“Yeah, I’m scarred for life.” With that he got up from his seat next to me, taking out a bottle of the alcohol to pour both of us a glass. The room went silent for a moment as Changkyun tried to get the top off, the only thing that came to mind was the conversation with my friends earlier today. It was time to confront him even though it was the last thing I wanted to do. It was now or never. 

“Hey, Chang?”

“Mm?” He hummed, still focused on the bottle. 

“I need to talk to you about something.” 

“So, uh,” He turned to me, watching as I tried to gather my thoughts. “How’s work going?” He turned back to the counter finishing his task.

“Uh, it's going good.”

“That's good.”

“Yeah.”

“I was wondering if things were okay, because I've noticed you leave pretty early now.” 

“Oh, I don't wake you up do I?”

“Uh, no. Not really. It's just that you aren't here when I wake any more.”

“Right. I've been meaning to talk to you about that.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, so,” He pauses, then comes to sit next to me. “I've kinda got the opportunity to work on this new project thing.”

“Really?” My eyes light up with excitement, this wasn’t what I was expecting to hear tonight.

“Yup and pays really well. I know we kinda struggle with all that but I think this could change things for us.” I nod, almost smiling a bit. The thought of things getting better financially for us is something I've been working towards for so long. For a while it felt like I was working alone with  Changkyun so focused on his computers that he would spend his last dollar on updating his pc all the time. But now our future was a concern for him too and I was happy about it. That’s where the conversation ended, as the two of us drank and joked around until we both fell asleep. 

Sorry Sojung. 

                                                        ~*~

The next morning was the same as it had been the weeks before. Y/N woke up to his side of the bed empty. She’d go through her own morning routine, make her way to work and back home, just to wait around for Changkyun to come home and the two of them to fall asleep. Then the cycle would repeat over again. But things felt different from before. There was no more wondering, no more anxiety, right? She knew where he was. Or did she? Even though Changkyun had given her an answer,it didn’t sit right with her. Thinking about it too much almost made her stomach turn, so she tried not to. If this new found ignorance was supposed to be bliss, then why wasn’t she feeling that. Why was this question still gnawing at her. Taking up so much space in her thoughts that it was hard to be left alone with them. 

Somehow, She got through the next three weeks without saying a word to him about it. All she did to quell the turmoil was to listen in to his early morning phone calls if she could. Unfortunately, it didn’t help her. It was practically driving her insane to hear him whisper so secretly. They never had kept anything from each other. Living in such a small apartment makes it nearly impossible. 

But she swore she’d let it go. And she almost did, but one phone call she had overheard sent her over the edge. 

“No, I’m at home.” Changkyun was hushed about it and turned over to face the wall. “It’s fucking- “ he pulled the phone away from his face to check the time squinting before putting the phone back to his face again. “1 am. The hell are you calling me so early?” Changkyun stretched his neck as he listened to the person on the other side of the phone, a smile gracing his lips. He couldn’t help the low chuckle that escaped him. 

“Aww, You’re that needy for me?” He teased the person on the other side.

A chilling sense swims through her body. This was it. This was what she needed to finally stop that internal gnawing feeling. But unfortunately, it was replaced with another one. The feeling of absolute dread. This was what she wanted, the undeniable proof that he was seeing someone else this whole time. Y/N felt as if she could burst into tears right there but she didn’t. The emotion mixing with the dread wasn’t the sadness she hoped for but was anger coursing within her veins. She just wanted to hear the truth come out of his mouth. As angry as she was, she wanted to see if he’d lie in her face or would he own up to his actions. She listened until he was done on the phone. He had made arrangements to meet a couple blocks away in 15 minutes. Changkyun moved out of bed slowly. She could feel how careful he was, trying not to bother her. Little did he know, She thought.

Swiftly, he gathered all the things he needed, his jacket, laptop, clothes for his actual job, and mask to cover his face, like he would for every night prior. He was slowly unlocking the front door, trying not to make any loud noises, when Y/N sat up abruptly. From the surprised look on his face she had caught him red handed and she wouldn’t let him get away. 

“Where are you going?” She asked. Her voice was clear and assertive. She tried to not to give any clues that she had listened in on his phone call.

“Y/N? Why are you up?” He dodged her question, his voice coming out a little shaky.

“I heard you get up so I woke up. But where are you going?” She asked again. 

“To work. I told you this already.” He made a move to open up the door but heard her shift in the bed more, so he stopped. He hoped she’d accept his answer and just lay back down but it didn’t seem like things were going to be going his way. 

“Yeah, but it’s one am. You said you leave here around seven.”

“I know but uh,” He looked back down at his phone in his hand, he was running out of time. “Can we talk about it tonight babe? I really have to go.”

“No, we can’t talk later.” She pushed the covers off of herself and stood up to confront him face to face. She maneuvered her way in between him and the exit to stop him. “Why did you lie to me? Just tell me where you are going.”

“I can’t. I really can’t. We’ll talk later tonight. I promise.” He tried to place a kiss on her forehead but before it could land, she pushed him back. 

“I’m not going to be here tonight or ever again if you don’t answer me.” 

He seems scared and she’s shocked at her own tenacity. He stood there waiting for her to say something to him. 

“Who is she?”

“What?

“You heard me, who is the other person that you’ve been talking to all the time. You sneak out of our home to go see in the middle of the night. Who?” She was getting more and more upset by the way he acted as if she couldn’t see what was happening. The churning in her stomach had produced a heat that was inescapable as it rose in her chest and to her neck.  

“You think I’m cheating on you?” Changkyun took a step back and looked at Y/N bewildered. Never in his life did he think that she could accuse him of such a thing. He turns away from her in shock, facing the other side of the room.

“Obviously, you’ve been acting suspicious for a little over a month now. What am I supposed to think?” She crosses her arms. She made her point and now the ball was in his court. 

But when Changkyun turns around , it’s Y/N turn to be taken back as he looks at her in a way she’s never seen before. Changkyun looked at her with so much anger that it sent a shiver through her. His jaw was taught as if he was holding back the words he really wanted to say but chose not to. Instead, he shifts his bag over his shoulder and walks up to her, and directly into her face says, “I’m not having this conversation with you. Go to bed.” Before shoving past her and leaving. 

She turned to see him leave, grimacing as the door slammed. She wants to chase after him but her feet won’t move. 

And now, she was alone in the apartment. She stood there in shock as everything started to process in her mind. The feeling that she was expecting finally came flooding in and teas poured from her eyes. She crawls back on to the bed and sits in the corner with her back against the wall. She grabs a pillow and starts to sob into it. Y/N never thought that their relationship would become so riddled with secrets and lies. She had never wanted to not be able to trust him but she knew deep within her that the stories he told weren’t adding up. She thought she’d be stronger in the moment of confrontation. That she had to be true to herself and follow her gut feelings but she didn’t think that path would have her end up here. Crying and Alone. For hours, she let all her pain and heartbreak into the pillow, before falling asleep in that upright position.

                                                        ~*~

 A buzzing noise and feeling wakes Y/N up. She is still tucked into the corner of the bed but her body has spread out. Even though her mind is groggy and her eyes barely open, she recognizes the buzzing as her cell phone and immediately starts to look for it. She rubs the sleep from her eyes as she finds it folded in between the covers beside her. Quietly, in her heart she hopes it’s Changkyun calling her, hoping that he’d apologize and promise to talk later. But she is disappointed to find that it’s a coworker from her job. That’s when she notices it is half past ten in the morning. She is late for work but she doesn’t make a move to answer the call letting it ring out. She checks her notifications to see that she has five missed calls and three text messages. None of which are from her boyfriend. 

She tosses her phone to the side then leaves the bed to wash her face in the bathroom. She flips the switch and as the light flickers on she can see her reflection in the mirror. She can see the prominent tear stains as they go down her cheeks. They reminded her of what happened earlier that morning and she is tempted to start crying again but contains herself. Quickly, she washes and dries her face before returning to the main room. It is rather quiet outside as most people have done all their commuting hours ago, only the sound of a car driving by fills the street every so often. 

Y/N shuffles her way to the kitchenette and fills up an electric kettle with water. Some coffee will wake me up, she thinks as she presses the switch to start the machine. She finds her mug in the dish drain and rinses it out before searching for the instant coffee. She finds a packet, tears it open and pours it into the mug haphazardly along with some sugar. She is about to pour the hot water when she gets distracted by the sound of her phone buzzing again. She goes over to the bed and picks up the phone noticing that this time it isn’t her coworker calling but her manager. She answers the phone, ready to get a long lecture. 

She was lucky, her manager was more concerned than actually angry seeing as Y/n wasn’t usually a late person and if for some reason she was she would call ahead of time. Y/n lied and told her that she had a really bad stomach ache and the medicine she had taken the night before kept her too drowsy to hear her alarm clock. Her manager is an understanding man and told her to stay home and wished her a speedy recovery before ending the phone call. Y/n felt a little bad for lying but she didn’t feel like plastering on a smile to wait tables today. Her feelings were being worn on her sleeves and she didn’t have the energy to try and hide them. Instead, she spent the day laying bed, wrapped in blankets trying to distract her mind. She wanted to call Changkyun but she talked herself out of it everytime. Opting to scroll through twitter or watch dramas on youtube. It wasn’t long until she fell asleep again, her mind still as clouded as it was when she woke up. 

                                                        ~*~

It’s nearly six pm when Y/n wakes up with a roaring stomach. The only thing she had had today was a cup of coffee and she slept through lunch. She stretches and gets off the bed to search for something to eat in the apartment. Unfortunately, she turns up empty handed with no left overs and nothing satisfying enough to make. If she had gone to work, she probably could have sweet talked one of the chefs to make her something to eat, as they did often for the staff, if they had extra ingredients laying around. Her stomach grumbles again, she wishes she had gone in. She decides to order food instead, pulling  from the cupboard drawer a pamphlet for a chinese food restaurant that she orders from often. She closes the drawer with her hip and scans the menu before deciding what she wants. She wonders, What would Changkyun want? 

She becomes stiff as she thinks about him. She hadn’t talked to him all day and in a little less that an hour, he should be coming home from work. She sits at the edge of the bed and takes up her phone. First, she had the intention to call him. But settled on texting him. She wasn’t ready to hear his voice right now. She’d deal with that when he walked through the door. 

‘hey, what do you want from Mashi? i'm ordering for dinner.’ It took her a long time to send the text but once she did, she immediately closed her phone and placed it face down on the bed. 10 minutes passed and she spent it cleaning up her mug from this morning and looking over the menu again. But before she could nervously look it over for the third time, she heard her notification go off. 

He texted her back. 

She quickly picked up the phone again, opened it and read his response. 

‘dont order for me. i ate at work.’ She couldn’t help but frown.

‘oh okay.’ She texted back. She bit her lip nervously before texting him again. ‘are you coming home soon?’

She waited for him to reply and held her breath when she saw the gray bubble pop up. 

‘no. im working.’ 

It was like another slam to her heart. She held herself back from shedding tears but there was hurt written across her face.

‘are we going to talk about what happened?’ Immediately, under her text a small ‘read at 6:23pm’ appeared and she waited for him to reply. 

But he didn’t.

She was fed up and sent a last text. ‘Fine.”

Y/n called up Sojung, explained to her that she wanted to stay over at her house for a couple of nights. When she asked what was this all about, Y/n told her that she’d explain when she came over. She gathered her clothes in a duffel bag, stuffing them in without a care. Before leaving the apartment. That would be the last time she would see their small apartment. After a long night of explaining, crying, and two bottles of wine, Sojung convinced Y/n to block Changkyun’s number after leaving him one more lengthy text message. She decided that it would be best to just end their relationship. She didn’t want to have to worry about where he was and obviously he wasn’t going to be forthcoming with that information. And although Changkyun did read the text, again, he didn’t respond. 

Y/n’s friends would end up gathering the rest of her stuff while Changkyun wasn’t home. She moved in with Sojung and would start trying to reconfigure her life. Before it was centered around Changkyun but now that he wasn’t in the picture anymore, she had to figure out what she wanted. She decided that she was going to go back to school and finish her degree. She had stopped because it was a lot of work and keeping a roof over her head became more important. But now that she had a living situation that was more stable, she figured it was the best move for her. And the work would be a good distraction for her. 

But it didn’t stop her from thinking about him. Changkyun would cross her mind every now and then as she hoped that he was okay. He never tried contacting her after she officially broke it off with him. It troubled her because they were so close to each other, practically attached at the hip and now they were almost like strangers and she wouldn’t hear again from him for a long time.

[ofsinnersandsaints]

one night and every morning after

rating: E (but this chapter is just G) total word count: 22164 chapter: 4/? takes place in episode 6

AO3

Macy pulled out the burnt pie and officially believed she was cursed.

“Oh dear, it looks awful.”

She barely registered Harry’s commentary because the panic was beginning to stretch along every single one of her nerves until she thought she might snap. “Galvin didn’t want to invite me anyway, Summer thinks I’m a jealous clinger, and now I’m the weirdo bringing the burnt pit.”

Macy was already feeling weird enough about practically stalking the man who had once asked her out on a date and now she finally had an excuse to back out. “Maybe I shouldn’t go. It sounds like you need help identifying this ghost," she added, looking to her sister.

But before either Mel or Maggie could reply Harry interrupted in full whitelighter mode. Most of the time she appreciated his help, there was no way he was paid enough for everything he did, but she didn't need his help just now. “Macy, you can’t ignore this mark. It’s glowing brighter, danger could be imminent.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll help Maggie with the ghost.”

Macy glared at her sister but no one was looking at her. Which was fine, if no one looked too closely no one would realize how desperately close she was to a panic attack. Except Maggie finally looked over and there was the briefest look of concern on her face.

“Yeah,” Maggie agreed, the hint of a smile on her lips even thought her eyes were still serious. “And Harry can help you, Macy.”

“Help me?” she repeated, her voice squeaking.

“He can go with you to the party. I couldn’t see the mark, but maybe Harry can.” Macy could already feel the tunnel closing in on her. Harry was great, she loved Harry – well, not loved but she trusted him, however they had already tiptoed too close to the line as it was. The last thing they should be doing is going out together. “And if you show up with an older, British dude on your arm Summer won’t think you’re the jealous type.”

There was absolutely no way out of this because Maggie was infuriatingly right. “I guess that’s true.”

“I do have a delightful recipe for Welsh rarebit.”

“Rabbit?”

“Rarebit,” he corrected, barely concealing his disappointment. “It’s a special cheese sauce on toast. Big hit at gatherings.”

Macy nodded, but had a hart time getting a full breath. “Yeah. Okay. I guess you can come with.”

“Splendid.” Harry turned to Mel and Maggie. “And you two can use the book to find out what kind of ghost you’re dealing with.”

“I’m going to go get ready,” Macy took off her apron and looked sadly at her pie. She never burned pie, she was a great baker, which showed just how murky and muddled her thoughts were. “Thanks again, Harry.”

“I should be ready to go soon,” he assured her. “It doesn’t take long.”

Macy nodded and headed towards the stairs, Maggie getting up and followed her. "I'll help you pick out a dress.”

Stopping at the base of the stairs Macy looked over to make sure Mel and Harry weren’t paying attention to them, but they were already arguing about Mel skipping the interview. “I don't need help picking out a dress, Maggie.”

"Debateable," Maggie shrugged, grabbing Macy's arm and pulling her up to the second floor.

"Ow! My arm is attached to the rest of my body."

"Are you okay?" Maggie asked as they went into Macy's room.

“What are you talking about?”

Maggie's eye roll deserved an Emmy, it was so dramatic. “Macy, come on, it's me. I know something's up. Do you need a paper bag to breathe into or something?”

The suggestion was so absurd it was almost enough to make her laugh. "No, Maggie."

Her younger sister didn't look impressed as she went to the closet to sort through the hangers. “What was that downstairs?”

"What was?"

"Maggie, I'm serious."

"Color me shocked," Maggie scoffed. "Didn’t you think it was a good idea?”

Macy wanted to say no, but she wasn’t great at lying. “It was a good idea. I’m just a little curious as to your intentions.”

“My intentions?”

“Maggie, please look at me.” Her sister slowly turned around. “Why did you suggest Harry take me to the party?”

"Because you were about to have a panic attack and I thought it would help to know you didn't have to go to the party alone," Maggie finally answered. "I thought it would help, not make it worse. Also, because you like him.”

“Magg-“

“I didn’t use my powers,” she assured Macy, dress in hand. “Or at least, not intentionally. You’re not particularly expressive face wise, but sometimes it comes off you in waves and nearly knocks me over. And you look at him when you don’t think anyone else will notice.”

Macy tilted her head back and closed her eyes. The panic might be easing, but the anxiety was like a weight on her shoulders. “Great.”

“He looks at you too.”

Macy suddenly remembered what Mel had said a few weeks ago, “If she thinks you’re into Galvin nothing will stop her from making it happen.”

“Maggie," the panic returned because she could not have her sister playing matchmaker when so much was at stake. "Whatever you’re plotting you need to stop.”

“I’m not plotting anything,” she argued. “But you should wear this dress.”

Macy took the hanger, staring at the fabric draped across her knees. “It can’t happen.”

“Oh, come on. I know things might get sticky, but-“

“No, Maggie, you don’t understand." The panic and anxiety faded as pure pragmatism took it's place; if it felt a little like numbness, there was nothing to do about it. "It can’t happen because it’s forbidden by the Elders. Witches and whitelighters can’t fraternize.”

“That’s bullshit.” The statement was so blunt Macy laughed. “I’m serious! We can’t have relationships with non-magical people and we can’t have relationships with whitelighters, who does that leave? Demons and other witches?”

The argument was one Macy had gone over more than once in her pretend arguments with the elders. “It’s the way it is Maggie so it doesn’t matter if Harry and I look at each other any particular way.”

Maggie nodded then stopped, her brows furrowing. “Wait, how do you know all this?”

Macy’s face went blank, or she hoped it did. “Huh?”

Her younger sister’s eyes went saucer wide as she walked towards Macy, giddiness practically in every step. “Have you and Harry talked about this? Are you two a thing?”

“No, we’re not a thing. I just told you we can’t be a thing. But,” Macy allowed, “It will be nice to have him there tonight.”

“You’re not telling me something.”

“You’re right,” Macy got up and put her hand on Maggie’s shoulder. “And there’s a reason for that. But please, this isn’t a project or a cute matchmaking thing.”

Maggie’s lips twisted is grimace. “So I shouldn’t suggest you and Harry pretend to be boyfriend and girlfriend while you’re there?”

Macy stomach dropped at the idea, at the impossible thing she couldn't have. How much of her life was close, but not quite? She'd found her mother just months after she'd died, found Harry hours before he was taken away. For someone with the power to move objects with her mind, it was amazing how many things slipped through her fingers. “Thanks for picking out the dress.”

Maggie kissed her on the cheek. “Have fun and don’t over think it.”

“No chance of that happening.”

Half an hour later Macy headed down the stairs, Mel and Maggie already in the attic doing their paranormal investigation. Harry was in the kitchen, packing up his fancy cheese toast. “You ready?”

“Yes,” he turned and his eyes quickly took her in. “You look lovely, Macy.”

“Thank you, Harry.” She was already tired from the emotional roller coaster of the past hour, but it would be nice to have Harry going with her. But Maggie’s teasing suggestion Macy and Harry play boyfriend and girlfriend had been like a bucket of cold water over her entire body.

It might make things easier with Summer, but it would not in any way make things easier for Macy. She already knew what it was like to be the focus of his attention, she knew what it was like to be in his bed and have his hands on her. The last thing she needed was to know was what it was like for Harry to be hers.

To distract herself she focused on his clothes, “This might be the ugliest tie I’ve ever seen.”

Harry laughed, and didn’t seem the least bit offended. “Well, there’s no changing it now. We best head out, we wouldn’t want to be late.”

“We’re not going to poof there?”

“No,” he assured her as they went to the front door where she grabbed her purse. “I’ve been around for a while, and I’ve learned the one time you don’t have a car is the one time someone will need to see it."

“Why would someone need to see my car?” she asked as they stepped out into the warm night. “Are they going to check my tire pressure?”

“More like if someone is heading out at the same time as us,” Harry answered. “And asks us to take them home since it’s on our way. But alas, we don’t have a car because I – what did you call it? – poofed us there.”

It was a good point, and an even better reminder to watch how she used her own magic. Much to her surprise magic had become natural to her, but she had to make sure whatever she did with it could be explained to those around her.

Harry put the rarebit in the backseat and she waited until he slid into the passenger seat before starting her car. “Do you get paid to be a whitelighter?”

He looked surprised by her question but immediately answer. “We get a stipend of sorts, there’s a corporation which is run by the elders and it pays for our rent, utilities, etc. The money we make from our side jobs, as it were, we can use for whatever we want.”

“Witches should get paid.”

“Agreed, and you’re not the first person to bring up that point.”

“I was mostly joking, but you’re serious?”

“Any witches who participate in maintaining the safety of the populace should be compensated,” he told her and it seemed he was reciting something from memory. “Or that’s how your mother put it.”

Macy was impressed. “Go Mom.”

“How have things been with Gavin?” he asked as she pulled onto the street.

“Awkward,” she answered honestly. “After he asked me out he still flirted here and there, but things got a little less tense when he met Summer. Then I thought she was a succubus and I kept trying to get between them, so now I think he’s under the impression I’m one of those ‘want they can’t have’ kind of girls.”

“I’m sure everything will be better after tonight.”

It was a nice thought, but Macy wasn’t entirely sure one night would fix everything. And now she had the thought in her head, thanks to Maggie, of what it would be like to go with him as boyfriend and girlfriend.

She’d probably be just as nervous because Macy only did nervous, but she’d at least be able to hold his hand. Macy didn’t know what the Elders could see, how they knew what they knew, and she wouldn’t risk losing Harry for a little bit of steadiness.

Once they arrived at the location Macy parked and took a deep breath, trying for a smile she turned to her passenger. “Ready?”

“It’ll be okay,” he promised her, patting her hand once before getting out of the car with his cheese sauce. “And if it’s not, we’ll just go.”

“What happened to making sure Galvin isn’t in danger?”

“We’ll do what we can, but there’s also no point in drawing unnecessary attention to yourself. Your safety is important too, Macy.”

The simple, matter-of-fact statement stunned her a little. “Thank you.”

Together, they walked into the building. The room reserved for Galvin’s party was busy and loud, and Macy felt intensely out of place, especially when Galvin caught her eye from across the room and waved. "This is going to end so badly."

"It'll be fine," Harry assured her, a light touch on her back before it was gone again.

“You made it,” Galvin greeted as he came over to them, his smile just a little bit forced.

“Thanks for having me,” Macy smiled back, and watched as Galvin’s gaze turned to Harry who immediately put on his most congenial smile and held out a hand.

She wished friendly came as easily to her as it seemed to come to him. “Harry Greenwood,” he introduced. “Professor of women’s studies. I come bearing rarebit.”

Galvin looked as confused as she and her sisters had. “Rabbit?”

It was almost adorable how aggrieved he looked. “No. Rarebit. A welsh rarebit to be exact.”

From the crowd Galvin’s girlfriend appeared and Macy instantly felt dowdy in her dress. Maybe she should have dressed in something a little more form fitting. She'd never felt sexy, didn't know how to pull it off, and was briefly jealous of effortlessly Summer seemed to pull it off. “Did someone say rarebit? I lived on this stuff when I was studying at Oxford.”

"Well, prepare your taste buds for a trip down memory lane."

“Macy, this one’s a keeper," she commented before turning her attention back to Harry. "Hi, I’m Summer.”

“I’m Harry-“

“He’s not,” Macy cut in, realizing even as she spoke that she needed to stop talking, and yet unable to.

“But we’re not,” Harry said at nearly the same time.

“We’re just friends,” Macy added lamely, fully aware she sounded like an idiot.

The look on Summer’s face could not have been more confused as Harry added, “For clarity.”

“Anyway,” Summer put a hand on Galvin’s bicep. “I need your help for a second. We’ll catch up with you guys later.”

Macy nodded, and once Summer and Galvin had walked away she murmured to Harry, “I guess that wasn’t too awkward, was it?”

He was quiet for a moment, considering. “Hard to tell. I’m British, awkward is kind of our thing.”

With a smile, Macy looked back over at Galvin where he was reattaching a banner to the wall and she instantly saw the mark glowing on his skin. “There, do you see it!”

Harry looked over but shook his head after only a few seconds. “I don’t see anything.”

Macy let out a sound of aggravation and barely resisted the urge to stamp her foot. “Really? You don’t see it?”

They both looked back at over Galvin again but were caught by Summer who was watching them both with a look of undisguised suspicion. Immediately they both looked away, but the damage had been done.

“Now that was awkward.”

Harry knew things were odd between himself and Macy, but there was something particularly off about her tonight. He couldn’t quite put his finger on it, but when she wandered over to the pictures of Galvin he gave her the space he thought she needed and went to go check to see how his rarebit had done with the party goers.

He was pleased to see the plate was empty, picking it up to take to Macy he paused when he saw her talking to Summer.

“Macy, I tried to be cool. Now you need to back off.”

Harry didn’t have a chance to step in because Summer immediately walked away, so he made his way to Macy, acting as if he hadn’t heard the exchange. “A triumph,” he informed her as she picked up her purse, her entire face downcast. “Are you all right?”

“Let’s go. He’s not in any danger, and I think I have a lead.”

“But they’re about to start karaoke,” he joked, with the hopes of making her smile, but she just shook her head and walked towards the exit. “Another time then.”

He hurried after her, catching up to her in the parking lot. “Macy, what’s wrong?”

“I’m working through some stuff,” she answered, though it wasn’t really an honest one. “But I don’t want to talk about it. I just want to figure out this mark, so I can be sure Galvin is safe and then I want to move on.”

Harry put a hand on her elbow to stop her forward movement. “Move on from what?”

There was heartbreak in her eyes, and maybe that was why she took a step back to dislodge her arm from his touch. “Let’s get back to the house, I want to check the book for the symbol now that I know where it comes from.”

Harry nodded, holding back a million and a half questions as they got into the car.

Macy explained to him what she’d learned from Galvin about his family’s history, and how his grandmother practiced Yoruba, and she’d been wearing a necklace in a photograph which had a similar appearance to Galvin’s mark.

“So I think there’s something there,” she was saying as they parked in front of the house. “The book has information on other cultures, right?”

“It does,” he confirmed, getting out of the car. Macy was only a few steps in front of him, but it was if she was standing on the other side of chasm, so far out of his reach as to be impossible. “And I’d be happy to help you with any research you might require.”

“Thank you,” she unlocked the door and going with instinct, Harry reached out for Macy and from one moment to the next they were upstairs in the attic. He didn’t look at Macy as he took off his jacket and laid it on one of the chairs.

“Your best bet is to look at the back of the book.”

When he turned around he saw Macy opening the book, her brow furrowed in a way which made him want to run his fingers over it. “I know I’m being weird.”

Harry looked up at the no-nonsense confession, “I beg your pardon?”

This time she met his gaze. “You’re being very kind, but I know I haven’t been acting normal for most of the night.”

“You’re allowed to be weird,” he assured her. “None of this is easy.”

She tapped her fingers on the book, “You’re not going to ask why I’m being weird?”

“I figured if you wanted me to know, you’d tell me.”

“Maggie said something," she admitted.

Harry nodded, “Well, that certainly tracks.”

She almost smiled. “She said something before we left about pretending to be dating at the party and it threw me. I started to think about what it would be like to have that, and then I had to remind myself I can’t have that. And it’s hard to have you around, and at the same time-“

“I don’t want to leave.” She nodded and he wished he had the right to comfort her, but he stayed where he was. Because she was right, it was hard, and he didn’t need to make it any harder. “In fact, the Elders decided days ago that you three no longer needed added protection now the book has been returned, but I – I must confess I’ve been rather reluctant to leave. As exotic and thrilling as my life may seem, it can be isolating. And being here has been a nice change.”

He had more to say, but he heard the call of Mel and Maggie in his head, “Your sisters are calling. I’ll be back.”

Quickly, he helped the younger sisters and then orbed back to the attic where Macy was reading over the book. “I found the symbol,” she told him, and Harry knew the conversation they’d started before was over. At least for now. “It’s a cowrie shell, and according to the Book, in Yoruba tradition it’s placed on infants to give them lifelong protection from magical beings.”

“Good news, the mark is not of demonic origin.”

Her nose scrunched in a way he found absurdly adorable. “It still doesn’t explain why I’m the only one who can see it.”

Harry rolled up one sleeve and then another as he pondered the question. “Well, is it possible it activated when he asked you out?”

“I suppose anything is possible. Maybe there’s an expert I can talk to,” she thought out loud, heading to the tablet set up by the window and typed quickly. “Bingo, a priestess. Haitian Yoruba practitioner not far from here. Maybe she can tell me why I’m the only one who can see this mark.”

“If you’re certain,” he started, fully intending on offering to go with her. “If you don’t mind doing that while I go and help your sisters again.”

“Of course,” she assured, trying for a smile which spectacularly failed. “I’m used to going at it alone.”

Macy’s words stayed with Harry as he helped Maggie and Macy with their ghost and then the three of them had gone out for drinks at The Haunt which gave him plenty of time to pack his things.

He could hear them in their rooms after they got back, and then giggling downstairs. It was a welcome, happy sound, and one he’d miss in the coming days. However, it was time to go back to his apartment because while Macy wanted space, he knew he needed it as well.

With a little bit of breathing room, perhaps he could figure out exactly what he wanted, and how much he was willing to risk in order to get it. No matter what he decided, he never again wanted to see Macy look sadly certain at being capable of being alone.

“Harry,” Mel called right before he slipped from the house. It would have certainly been easier if he’d orbed out, but his car was here and he needed to at least get it home before it was towed. “What’s with the suitcase?”

He turned to them, unsure whether or not he trusted himself to meet Macy's gaze. “The Elders have concluded that, with the Book returned, you and your sisters no longer require additional protection. Back to the condo for me.”

“Oh, Harry. I’m going to miss you.”

“Me too, actually.”

“Me three,” Macy added, pulling his attention to her and her sad, but understanding smile. It tugged at his heart stings, but he ignored them for now.

“I better be off then.”

“Wait, not yet.” Maggie ran across the room and grabbed him by the arm, barely giving him a chance to put his suitcase down. “You have to be inducted.”

Harry looked around the living room and quickly deduced what was going on as Maggie added. “You can be an honorary sister.”

“Really?”

“By the power of the poof,” Mel assured her, and then tapped him with a loofa. “Poof!”

He laughed as they had him sip from the flask and then he was heading out again as Maggie and Mel went back upstairs, Macy lingering at the bottom of the steps.

“I don’t know if I like this,” Macy told him her arms wrapped around the post. “I know it’s the right thing, but I don’t like it.”

“Damned if we do,” he murmured. “And damned if we don’t. Better to take the temptation away than take the risk.”

She let out a long, slow breath before nodding. “Okay. Be safe, we’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow,” he agreed, stepping out of the house before either he or Macy could talk him out of it.

Driving across town gave him more than enough time to think through his choices, and no matter what direction his thoughts traveled, he always came back to the same conclusion: he'd crossed this line once before when he was much younger, and what he'd felt for Charity was only a drop in the bucket compared to what he felt for Macy. If he'd been willing to risk everything for Charity, there was absolutely no reason not to take the same risk for Macy.

Consequences be damned.

[laheyy]

I’m wondering for your fic “as I breathe so does she,” if you had a backstory to what happened to captain Rex and the other clones? Like if part of mace defeating palps meant order 66 never happened so the chips weren’t an issue? Or if kamino was investigated after the fact and the whole plot was exposed? I love it so far and was curious

Hi! This is really funny that you asked me this because I had been stressing about what to do with the clones for, like, the entire time I’d been planning this story, but I knew I needed to include them (or at least Rex) and I finally figured it out today.

I think one of the reasons I’ve been struggling so hard with it was because I didn’t want them to be only soldiers anymore. I wanted to let them have agency with what they pursued after the war- whether that be staying with the Grand Army of the Republic (which in my mind was considerably downsized after the war ended to redistribute money to struggling systems) or pursuing other employment options. Here is what I decided on as a timeline and explanation for what happened in my universe with how Anakin didn’t turn to the dark side, Order 66 doesn’t happen, and what happens to the Clones:

Beginning in canon ROTS- Anakin tells Mace about Palps, goes to the council room like instructed. The same thing happens where he’s essentially falling apart and breaking down, but instead of coming to the realization that he needs to go save the shitty old man, he decides to call Padmé and tell her what's going on even though he knows he shouldn’t. The shock of Palps’ reveal sends Padmé into early labor and instead of rushing to save the chancellor, Anakin runs to Padmé instead. He realizes that if Padmé is having the baby right now there is nothing Palps can teach him in time to save her life. He reasons that with his mom, it was just a matter of being too late and if he goes to save Palps first, those few precious minutes may be the deciding factor in whether or not she lives. 

Over at the Senate, everything happens like normal to an extent, except Kit Fisto isn’t killed by Palps and survives, he testifies to Mace killing the Chancellor with his lightsaber, but in the struggle both Mace and Palps go over the side of the senate building. Both are presumed dead. More on this (Padmé, Anakin, the Jedi...) for another time!

SWITCHING GEARS- this means that Order 66 never gets to happen and at first in the aftermath, nobody knows about it and nothing was done. Everything is kind of in chaos at the Senate with the Chancellor being killed, people and blaming the Jedi for the war going on so long, but Bail Organa and Mon Mothma (Padmé would be there but she just had healthy baby twins) manage to wrangle everything in order enough that to turn the Republic back on the side of the Jedi and convince people that they should be happy the war is over, and that the Jedi did exactly as the promised-they won the war and now the Republic should be working to repair the damage the war caused on the galaxy. They elect Mon Mothma as the next Chancellor of the Republic. 

AS FOR THE CLONES: The Jedi and a few chosen Senators are heading  to task force to investigate Palps and everything and how he managed to hide himself for so long and what his endgame plan was. During this investigation they find Rex’s sealed report about Fives and the inhibitor chips. Mas Amedda (who is in prison) confirms the real reason behind the chips and what they were going to be used for and everyone is rightfully horrified. The chips are removed from all clones. This takes some time and while this process is taking place, all clones return to Kamino, but the Jedi oversee the chip’s removal process because they don’t trust the Kaminoans anymore for obvious reasons. 

Concurrent to this happening, the Senate passes a few legislations that are important to the clones (spearheaded by Padmé even from maternity leave)- 1. All clones are given citizenship in the Republic. What planet may you ask does it say they are from? Coruscant! Kamino leaves the Republic after the investigation in Palps and the inhibitor chips and the clone bases close. 2.They receiving a mega large stipend from the Republic as thank you for their service. This one is really important because we never really talk about how canonically they aren’t paid?? They will also get a pension when they reach a certain age. 

After the chips come out, the clones are armed with their new citizenship and a hefty sum of money a lot of options. They are allowed to go wherever they want! A lot of them stay to help raise the remaining cadets who aren’t adults yet on a campus built on Coruscant for the clones once they leave Kamino; some decide to stay in the Grand Army as retainer soldiers and in the mean time settle down across the galaxy and have families; some work at the Jedi Temple; some accept positions to teach at the Imperial academy; some go to college; They do a myriad of things! They all are allowed to have therapy! 

However, in my mind, the ones who did the most time serving on the front lines find just turning to a civilian life hard and unsatisfying. SO, when the Senate creates their version of a Galactic Red Cross thingy to help the worlds hit hardest by the war, it is the clones who make up the majority of the forces! They go back to places like Ryloth and Onderon and help the citizens rebuild. But, this time when they work for the Republic, it isn’t as a slave army but as a paid citizens with rights and shit. They have benefits and vacation time! There are also some Jedi assigned to this task force (I think was how Ahsoka came back the Order, she worked with Rex on this and then it allowed her time to heal and come back), but they aren’t automatic superiors to the clones, they work alongside them and are equals with them in a way they could never be before.

This is where I think some of our favorite Clones are- Rex, Cody, and most of their respective battalions. They are helping the rebuild the Galaxy they now get to live in as fully recognized citizens. They use the star destroyers and stuff to deliver relief aid. It’s a whole thing

This was a really long winded way to answer your question lol I have so much more in my head but tried to condense it down to something readable. I hope it makes sense lol. If you have questions about anything I haven’t mentioned here please ask, I love talking about the expanded worlds for my stories lol. 

One of the things I didn't mention above was that all the clones also get medals for their service and special traveling privileges and I think the Senate commissions a large memorial to be built on Coruscant as thank you for their service and to honor the fallen. The Jedi and their clone battalions stay in touch (Rex’s official residence is recorded as Padmé and Anakin’s apartment for the longest time because it took him forever to find an apartment he liked after the war. He was a big help with when they awoke screaming at 3 am lol). 

Also, I know there's that funny post that floats around about the clones getting last names and Anakin and Ahsoka fighting over who’s last name Rex gets, but I think the clones would choose a cohesive last name for all the brothers to stay united after they separate! Of course some change it, or discard it when they get married but I think they’d want something that was just for them. Don’t ask me what it is though, I haven’t figured that out lol 

Thanks for asking!! :))))

[not-a-christmas-tree]

i just watched the dallas theatre company les mis here are my observations

IF YOU HAVE NOT WATCHED THIS PRODUCTION I SUGGEST YOU DO! DON’T READ THIS IF YOU DON’T WANT SPOILERS THOUGH!

so, in case you didn’t know: in 2014, Dallas Theatre Company did a modern interpretation of les mis. i just watched it on youtube (i will link it later, i promise) and took SO MANY GODDAMN NOTES so here they are!

ACT ONE 

(Look Down-WHID)

starting out strong! we got some HARSH TRUTHS ABOUT THE JAIL SYSTEM!! blatant police brutality happening BASICALLY the entire first part of the song. it hurts me. 

note on the cops costumes: they legitimately terrify me and they are dressed in like. full riot gear.

okay so,,,valjean wraps the rope from his bag around his neck at the end of WHID. this is interesting bc, a) he’s trying to find a solution as to what he should do after the Bishop and that’s a direction I’ve surprisingly seen no one take, but b) this part has the same melody as javert’s suicide, when javert is ALSO trying to figure out what he should do after his perception on life is altered. for a moment there, they both are on the same page, the page being suicide. however, only one of them takes that choice.

the above makes the lines (in both songs) “i’ll escape now from that world / from the world of valjean” ESPECIALLY interesting because. in two different ways, they did escape, but they ALMOST had the same conclusion for a brief second.

(At The End Of The Day)

in ATEOTD fantine ends up being the last one working, causing everyone to look at her with varying degrees of annoyance or frustration. She do be hardworking doe

OH SHIT KIDS IN THE FACTORY!! three little kids run up to the foreman when he’s giving daily stipends to the ladies!! (they’re also the last to be paid, giving significant sass to foreman who also sasses back)

Girl #5 mockingly calling fantine “innocent sister” when 5 is white and fantine is a WOC...that’s kind of interesting given that that can be read as SERIOUS racial profiling on 5’s part

foreman looks like bob’s boss in the incredibles but like. tall lmao

(I Dreamed A Dream)

her look of like,,shock-but-not when everyone from the factory exits and she takes off her bandana,,,that. that is good acting

her transitions from chest to head voice are so good

i’m kinda sad she isn’t younger?? or just. doesn’t look super young bc fantine is supposed to be like. early twenties. she’s not 45 and had a decently long life before she died, no, she’s young. she was taken advantage of. that’s the whole point. but that’s sUPER little like this lady is way too good

she has the perfect mix of sadness and regret plus anger and shameless hope. like. kudos to you allison blackwell you’re a dope fantine 

the cry on “killed the dream i dreamed” brb sobbing

(The Dock Scenes)

MALE PROSTITUTES I REPEAT!! MALE PROSTITUTES!! (no idea what wig he’s wearing tho. he was done dirty in the wig department) 

oh male prostitute is prostitute #1! 

oh damn there is. lady def on some bad drugs with her kid passing behind fantine on the bench. ouch.

hoo okay they did n o t censor lovely ladies!! (mini note: camera person has the camera down an AWFUL LOT on these docks scenes lmao)

there are cops on the docks. gross.

(Who Am I-Confrontation)

OH SHIT THEY HAVE A FALSE JVJ IN THE BACKGROUND OF WHO AM I 

jvj comforts not-jvj for a second!! (money note was FANTASTIC btw)

fantine being WOC and DYING in a modern hospital also is,,yeesh because. you know. racist doctors. 

jvj cries after fantine dies JUST STAB ME NOW OKAY—

confrontation is really funny when u see that javert has a GUN and jvj has A CHAIR

JVJ DID THE LIL RUN ON “live within my care” YAAAAY

(COAC-Master Of The House)

oh boy baby cosette,,so small,,so pure plus classic baby head shake when she sings I STAN

MADAME T LOOKS—OH GOOD GOD

DID SHE SPIT ON MY BABY--

cosette: “please do not send me out alone—“ madame t: “oooooh my gOOOOOD” omg 

what the fuck is thenardiers hair i—

WHAT THE FUCK IS THENARDIER IN G E N E R A L

random idea regarding thenardier’s prison tattoo: he has the same number on his chest that jvj has. Meaning he was in jail too. so why isn’t he as messed up as jvj? i wanna say maybe he was in for less time, but like. I doubt it. However, he has a whole ass gang. did the thenardier gang break their boss out of jail? please say yes 

him listing things for baby éponine to charge i love it

OH MY GOD THENARDIER FLAUNTS HIS NUMBER WHILE JVJ DOESNT!! jvj hides his past because he believes it will get him into better places (it does, he becomes mayor for god’s sake) while thenardier shows off his past with stubborn pride. while thenardier cheats his way to success, jvj lives an almost honest life where he ultimately suffers due to the stress all the hiding he does gives him

i love that éponine looks like neither of her parents,,,madame t got around huh? 

(The Bargain)

I JUST REALIZED THE STAGE HAS A CATWALK DOWN THE CENTER INTO THE AUDIENCE THAT IS THE COOLEST OMG

Instead of madame correcting thenardier on cosette’s name he asks cosette herself which prompts the CUTEST ANGRY YELL OF “it’s cosette!” I HAVE EVER SEEN

also thenardier fuckin MANHANDLING cosette i’m DYING

JVJ LOVES HER SM I AM SOFTTT

(The Beggars)

omg marius is so ADORABLE i love him

gavroche is a style icon

kid holding sign saying “my mom got laid off” POOR BB

i love éponine

that’s it that’s the note

wait a sec was that montparnasse with the prostitute earlier in beggars??

ALSO I SEE AZELMA AND OTHER THENARDIER KIDS PRESENT FOR “turn on the tears!!” THANK YOU FOR UTILIZING THAT LINE PROPERLY

why does enj have a bat?? If it;s not a bat then,,,what is it? someone please help me

marius saves cosette from bad guy gang!! 🥰🥰

bruh javert misses jvj running by like,,,MAYBE two seconds that is hilarious 

jav looks so done when thenardier is trying to get out of this lmao i love it

javert looks so cop-like it scares me

(Stars)

the line “safe behind bars” in stars kind of kills me here because as the audience you SEE the cruelty that the convicts face. you see the guy on the ground getting beaten you SEE the chains around their throats and yet. yet javert still somehow thinks that putting jvj in jail is safe? i think the thing to focus on here is not whether it’s safe, because it obviously isn’t. the focus is who it’s safer for, jean valjean or javert?

has it always been “your father” rather than “her father” when marius asks éponine to find where cosette lives?? if they changed it that is SMART because yk. jvj would be ALARMED if he found out he’d been found by éponine but he wouldn’t hurt her. he’s not the guy she has to worry about, it’s her own father. thenardier gave her a job and she’s straying from it, he’s what would endanger her.

THE PLAYFUL BOOP AND SHOVE FROM MARIUS 🥺🥺🥺

(The ABC Café)

“note-ruh daym”

hee hee pretty enjolras

pretty enjolras in skinny jeans even better

OOH we have,,,angry enjolras in this version o k a y

grantaire raises his hand before agog/aghast part omg

“i’ve never heard him ooOOOOh and aAAAAh *excited squeal*

“dan joo-wan” i love texas

bossuet spotted :)

longing gay looks NOT spotted :(

i love enjolras okay but this one is just,,,a little too aggressive. enjolras isn’t just angry all the time, he’s not that one dimensional. of course, there is more of the show to see and i hope he changes a little bit, but so far red and black isn’t doing much for me. enjolras is hopeful, not just angry.

A CAPELLA SECTION IN RED AND BLACK?? I think YES

the amis finding out lamarque is dead has “fuck trump just won the election” energy

okay i was hoping that enj would change his aggression thing when they find out lamarque is dead (bc that’s when most enjolrai figure out what may happen and kinda sober up yk) but. it doesn’t look like he did. there is hope for barricade scenes

OMG LIL NOTE ON COMBEFERRE GIVING OUT FLYERS TO AUDIENCE MEMBERS: that is fucking pERFECT and yk why?? because it’s a call to action!! it’s less obvious in DYHTPS because they’re mostly singing to each other but later in epilogue when the words and melody is repeated, it’s meant as a call to action! “will you join in our crusade, who will be strong and stand with me?” is a cALL TO ACTION AND THEY ARE HANDING FLYERS TO AUDIENCE MEMBERS—that’s officially the only way to break the fourth wall THANK YOU 

hey fantine doubles as a student i think!!

HARMONIES ARE C L E A N OOOOH

(In My Life-Heart Full Of Love)

okay yes i already love cosette because she plays awkward-teen-in-love-for-the-first-time PERFECTLY. 

book-ish cosette hell yes a cutie

father-daughter forehead kisses 🥺

awkward mARIUS TIMEEEEE

placing marius, éponine, and cosette in a triangle is a MARVELOUS decision thank u for that symbolism

marius checking if he looks good and ép giving him a thumbs up omg

*aggressively tries to sit normally* same cosette

*awkward curtsy* also same cosette 

(Attack On Rue Plumet)

robbery time let’s see how they do this

ooh marius and cosette run off but i can’t tell if they notice gang before running

thenardier fuckin SLICES éponine after her scream

NOOOO HER LIL WHIMPER AFTER BEING THREATENED AGAIN

(One Day More)

this lil part between robbery and one day more is interesting bc i legit have NO idea what jvj is thinking here. he keeps looking between his watch (i think it’s a watch idk) and cosette after she runs off to pack so like. what. is he doing here bc he looks like he’s choosing between two things but i don’t,,know,,what things

red berets on the amis are dope btw

i think marius is discussing what to do with éponine here, which is FUN because we all know why she goes to the barricade in the brick :’) éponine might be convincing marius to go to the barricade knowing this is her chance to die with him like in the book

omg

OMG

OMG

that stomp bit with the students was the coolest fucking thing i’ve ever seen

END OF ACT ONE

act two will be posted shortly :D

[carrycorpses]

As a brief preface: Many of the headcanons in this post will be from other FMA media, mostly video games. Although some video games are meant to be considered more canonical than others (Dusk/Dawn for example) some are not. I pick-and-choose some that make sense in the context of the manga! Any headcanons not from the game I always try to back up with canon implications.

CHILDHOOD Riza's earliest years could be deemed happy ones, although she barely remembers them. She does know that before her mother's death her father was happier and played with her. Her mother passed away when she was quite young and she began to have to learn and care for the house. After her mother's death, Berthold Hawkeye's demeanor would change.

In both the manga and in video games, Riza is quoted as saying she was afraid of her father— going as far as to say he outright terrifed her. One of the PSP games details further, that after her mother's death her father began to ignore her and barely spoke to her. Berthold Hawkeye was an accomplished and brilliant alchemist, but as he detested the military he never joined to get a State Alchemist's stipend.

Because of this, the Hawkeye household— once a well-kept manor— would fall into disrepair as he spent all investment into completing his research. Overtime, he began eating less and less, and Riza has described flame alchemy as "driving good men to madness" (meaning both Roy and Berthold). This can be exemplified by the fact that within one game Riza tells Edward that her father often uses phrases in which he spoke of already being dead. For Riza, she grew up in a household with a father who refused to look at her as he spiraled into madness , slowly starving himself to death.

It's unclear when Berthold began to tattoo his life's work to his daughter's back, but it can be assumed it was in her preteen years. Her father would die when she was somewhere between the ages of fifteen and sixteen and he tells Roy his research was finished "long ago" and that he had been "dead for a very long time". While it's also unclear if Riza was a willing participant in this act there are two things to heavily consider:

1) Riza was a child who had been ignored for most of it. The Hawkeye household was in the eastern countryside, probably very similar to Resembool with the distance between neighbors meaning as a young girl she didn't have anyone else. When both Hawkeyes speak about the tattoo it's that it was "entrusted" to Riza and she feels she has to take her father's dream come true.

||| Basically, my feelings on this point is, Riza was an emotion-starved child who's father finally paid attention to her and told her things she already wanted to here (Riza believed in a world where people could happy, Berthold thought flame alchemy could do that). Berthold giving any form of 'positive attention' even when it was scary would have been a first in a long time, and a hopeful reminder of childhood).

2) A simpler reasoning is, in her adult life, Riza became very agency-driven. While Berthold talked about his dreams and future, and there's more then enough implied emotional manipulation, it feels like adult!Riza realized that she had little choice in the matter as a child and never wanted to be in that situation again so she's

very

deliberate in her decision-making process.

Eventually, likely during the time he was finishing his research, Berthold would take on an apprentice: Roy Mustang. Possessive as he was of his research, it was unlikely that Berthold allowed them to have too much interaction (especially as Riza has outright said she doesn't know anything about alchemy, despite her father being an alchemist). Even so they would have met and at one point, Riza wanted to do something nice for her father's student and made him a birthday dinner. When that inevitably went wrong, with Roy getting sick from the food, she began to learn to cook more seriously. She was probably between 9-10-years-old

A girl who grew up in the countryside, Riza admits to not being very comfortable in city life. She enjoys open spaces and nature. In one video game, she spends her time not working during a social gathering, outside among the garden where she felt more at peace. While not fully backed through canon materials, because of this I tend to play her as enjoying gardening as a child, and thinking owning a flower shop may have been nice.

Roy would finish training with Berthold and go into the military academy. During this time, Berthold would more than likely begin to tattoo his daughter since the academy takes 3-4 years to complete (likely between ages 16-20, but unclear). After he was done, he ate less and less until he would eventually die on the night Roy last visits, a full soldier in the Amestrian military.

[justkending]

One Night Flame. Chapter 6.

Series Summary: Y/N is 3rd grade teacher, who had a really bad breakup. To help cheer her up, her friends convince her to go out to a bar on a school night, something she never does now a day, and things take an unpredictable turn. The stranger she meets, and later has a one night stand with, may be harder to get rid of than she thought.

Pairing: Y/N x Dean Winchester

Word Count: 3300+

A/N: Short chapter, but it felt like a good stopping point...

Rewritten: July 21, 2024

Chapter 6:

The tour went well, and it ended in the garage, where I got a personal tour of the trucks and equipment the first responders use daily.

"And this is where they store one of the three hoses," Jessie points out on the side of the driver's side.

"Tell her how long it is, Jess!" Dean shouts from the other side, where he's digging around for something in the front of the truck.

Standing cutely and confidently, she smiles at me proudly. "The hose is 91 feet in total."

"Are you sure you don't work here?" I laugh and tousel her hair as I pass her and look more at the details of the vehicle. "You should be getting paid, little miss."

"Sometimes Bobby slips me a $5 bill so I can get some candy. Does that count?" she adds, jumping onto the steps and standing a foot taller than me now.

"A nice stipend. But maybe you can convince your Uncle to upgrade that candy to a toy or book with a few bucks of his own," I wink at her and feel something heavy and large plop on top of my head.

"Careful what you promise of other people's money," Dean whispers in my ear from behind before moving in front of me.

Realizing he had put a helmet on my head, I adjusted it to actually see.

"You look really cool, Ms. Carter," Jessie giggles as Dean stands in front of her.

"Really cool," Dean smirks, crossing his arms and making those damn muscles flex.

"This is heavy. You guys have to wear this on top of all that?" I motion to the half of the uniform he's wearing, which I've learned can weigh between 45 to 75 lbs as a whole.

"The muscles aren't just for show, Sweetheart," Dean laughs, walking up and adjusting the helmet to sit on my head correctly.

I can't help but stare into those moss-colored eyes as he fidgets with the hat's accessories and situates it. Unfortunately, I get caught, and a bite of his lip shows me he got what he wanted.

"It's a touch too big for you, Carter," his hands are still on either side of the helmet.

I catch myself and channel the inner confidence I found the night we met as a survival tactic.

"Well, it was meant to fit your head, wasn't it?" I scrunch my nose as I take the helmet off and hand it to him. Patting his shoulder as I walk around him, I offer my hand to Jessie. "How do you feel about making some of those cookies you mentioned now?"

"Oh yeah!" the chestnut-haired little girl jumps down using my support and starts racing to the kitchen space.

As I walked by Dean, he casually grabbed my arm, pulling me closer to him softly. "Saying quick-witted remarks like that aren't going to keep me at bay like you hope."

"Hmm," I nod, not breaking eye contact. "And what pray tell, will keep you at bay?"

For what feels like the hundredth time in the 30 minutes I've been here, he looks me up and down again with his eyes.

"I worry there's nothing you can do that will have that effect on me, unfortunately. Unfortunately for you, at least..." He winks, and I give him a single laugh and eye roll and move back to the dining space, where I'm praying to God Sam is available and can pull me away from this walking temptation of a man.

I flee and remind myself to go to church soon as whatever God above is looking out for me provides Sam Winchester to steal me away from his brother.

"Hey! How was the tour? Jessie seemed pleased with herself," the big puppy dog of a man grinned ear to ear as he opened his arms for a hug.

I gave in, considering Sam and I had grown into rather good friends the last few years, working with the PTA and other family-oriented clubs our school provided.

"She's a natural guide," I chuckle as he squeezes me before letting me go. "But no shocker there."

"No, none at all," he laughs.

Dean must have come in behind me because he looked over me and surveyed him before turning back to me.

"So, do Dean and you know each other, or..." He leaves the question hanging in the air as if he knows something but wants to give me a chance to explain it first.

"Oh, um, it's actually a funny story," I start, laughing awkwardly, and Sam turns his head to the side as he analyzes me. Shit, how did I not come up with a cover story before coming here?

"Crazy coincidences if you ask me," Dean comes out of nowhere and stands beside me, bumping my shoulder with his own. He has this subtle physical touch thing down. "We ran into each other at the bar outside town a few nights ago. She was out with her friends; I was out with the team after the shit show of a workday we had Thursday, and she hustled me at the pool tables. Did you know your daughter's teacher can hit some crazy trick shots?"

"I did not." Sam seems genuinely surprised but not entirely convinced just yet.

"Wasn't expecting it myself, but I guess that was the plan anyway," he looks down at me before back at his brother. "Anyway, the next morning, I see the hustler herself standing in front of a row of third graders that just so happen to be Jessie's class. Figured it was fate we'd run into each other twice within 24 hours, so I convinced her, with Jessie's help, to come by here. I think Jessie's cookies were the selling factor, though."

"Wow. Sounds like some strange coincidences after all," Sam smiled, but I could see he was still observing his brother.

Meanwhile, I was internally cheering that Dean didn't give away that I'm a horrible role model for kids who sleep around with strangers I met at a bar on random school nights.

Dean nudges me ever so slightly to return from my blackout, and I clear my throat.

"You're telling me," I chuckle and roll back my shoulders. "Um, you said you had some school-related things you wanted to discuss with me?"

"Right!" Sam snapped out of his silent questioning to his brother and motioned to the long oak table. "We can go over a few things while Jessie gets started on those cookies. Dean, do you mind helping her out?"

"On it!" he salutes, heading to the kitchen where Jessie is grabbing ingredients and mixing bowls. "Jessie, make sure it's the sugar and not the salt this time!"

__________________

"No, Sam. I think this is a really good idea," I smile, looking down at the paper he had printed off for me with the details of his plans.

"Yeah?" he smiles bashfully.

"A thousand percent!" I gleam as I look at him. "I think a school carnival night will definitely bring in more funds for our student-based programs. I know the latchkey kiddos have been using some of the same worn and torn equipment in the gym. Plus, our media club is needing some new cameras and sponsering to get news and information out to the kids and parents."

"Well, good. I remember you telling me some programs had been lacking funding, and I thought turning family night into an entire carnival with outside vendors and donations would help out. It also helps in outreach to the community to build some connections and hopefully get some small businesses noticed."

"And it looks like you have a pretty decent list of family-owned businesses there," I smile, turning the page and seeing the long list he came up with.

"Some of them are clients, some are places I've found, and some are ones that reached out to me through others when they heard what I was doing," Sam says proudly.

"Well, it's a phenomenal concept. And crazy enough, another teacher I used to work with at another school was wanting to meet about some companies who wanted to donate a few things for a raffle, so it'll tie in perfectly." I lean on the table. "Which, by the way, I'm going to need to use your lawyer brain when I get the contracts of what they're donating and the fine print of it all."

"It's what I'm here for." He smiles and puts away his computer before asking. "Quick question."

"Shoot," I hum.

"What Dean said, about you guys meeting? Was it true?" he asked, gazing over my shoulder, where I could hear Dean and now Benny, too, rolling the cookies into balls to put in the oven.

By the sounds of it, Dean is apparently making way too big, and Benny and Jess are chastising him for his never-ending pit of a stomach.

"Oh," I was hoping to avoid this altogether after Dean covered for us, but Sam's too smart. I just didn't want to get into it... Not when this was still a semi-professional relationship. "He told the truth. He may have left out all the flirting he's been relentless with, but we did meet at a bar the other night and then ran into each other at school."

Sam looked to be studying me for a fib, and I'm sure he could sniff it out like a bloodhound considering his job, but he relented.

"I'm sorry about him. He tends to struggle with knowing when to quit. If he's bothering you, just let me know, and I'll kick his ass." I laugh, and he reciprocates it. "I'm not kidding. I may be the younger brother, but I got a few inches on him that give me an advantage."

"I'm sure there's been a physical fight or two between the two of you here and there for sure," I nod, standing from the wooden bench that matches the table. "I do hate to say, though, that I need to head out. I have some errands I need to get to, and as delicious as those cookies look like they're going to be, I have plans with a friend."

Not a lie, but I had been here way longer than I expected to, and a part of me knew staying while the cookies baked could be dangerous for me and the siren of a man who was laughing deeply behind me.

"No problem. I'll make sure the cookie monsters save a few for you to have on Monday," he stood and walked around the table. "And if not, I'll help Jessie make another batch," he winked, going in to hug me.

We turn to head to the kitchen area, and I see Dean watching us closely before looking away to help Jessie step down from her stool.

"Heading out?" Benny asked, flour coating a section of his beard.

"I'm afraid so. My other obligations for the day have stacked up, and I need to get to them before I lose daylight," I shrug, standing on the other side of the bartop when Jessie comes around and wraps her arms around my legs.

"But the cookies aren't done! You have to stay for the cookies!"

"I agree with the little twerp," Dean seconds, looking at me intently.

"Unfortunately for us, Ms. Carter does have a life," Sam chimes in and tears Jessie off me before dangling her in the air and getting giggles out of her. "And she needs to get back to it."

"It is quite unfortunate," I pinch her cheek as she hangs upside down. "Can you do me a favor, though, and save a few for me?"

"Only if Uncle Dean doesn't steal them all in the middle of the night like he normally does," Jessie sticks her tongue out to her uncle, and he returns it before going to the sink to wash his hands.

"We have to fear for Santa activities all times of the year with this one around," Sam nods his head to his brother and puts Jessie back on the ground.

"He's a cookie thief," she says, straightening her clothes.

"Hey, Rufus has been guilty of it, too, but no one gives him a hard time!" Dean argued, drying his hands and coming to the side of the counter we all stood on.

"Rufus has to put up with all of you 24/7. He has immunity in that area," Sam added.

"Jerk," Dean shoved him as he passed him before turning to me. "Well, if you're headed out, mind if I walk you to your car?"

I'm shocked at the obviousness of it all, but I shouldn't be considering who's asking the question.

"Oh, you don't need to-"

"I insist. After all, our mother raised us to be gentlemen. I'd be failing as a son if I didn't make sure you got to your car safely," he relented, hands in the back of his jean pockets he had swapped into and a shit-eating grin on his face.

"Ah, yes. The car parked ten yards away from a fire station. Wouldn't want the criminals to think they had a chance," I tease, and Sam and Benny laugh.

"Indulge me," Dean rolls his eyes playfully and motions to the exit.

I look to Sam, who seems annoyed but is also waiting for my response to see if he needs to tell his brother off.

"I'll allow it this time, but only if you promise to make sure that I at least get two of those cookies."

"Hard sell, but I'll do my best," he nods.

"We'll see," I hum, going to give my goodbyes and hug Jessie before letting him escort me out the door.

Once outside and by my car, I unlock it and open the door, standing next to it as he takes it in. It gets a lot of looks from most people because it's a 1973 Volkswagen Thing in a pastel yellow coat.

It was my dream car growing up, and my dad helped rebuild it from the used car lot we lucked out on finding it. It's been going strong ever since my senior year of college, but it definitely has some maintenance to keep up with.

"This is you?" he asks, taking in all the details.

"Yup. Named it Grimm," I patt the roof as I throw my purse into the passenger side. "Ben Grimm from The Fantastic Four since it's a-"

"Volkswagen Thing," he finished for me. Clever," he smiles.

"I like to think so," I shrug and lean on the door. "Question." He looks back at me and nods. "What are the chances your coworkers and possibly brother are looking out the windows right now to see if you'll make a move."

"Likely 99%," he answers, putting his hands in the front pockets of his jeans and rocking on his heels. "What are the chances I can make a move and you won't hate me for it?"

"Less than 2%," I reply without hesitation.

"All I heard was there's still a chance," he takes a step closer and I laugh before getting in the car and shutting the door.

I can hear the muffled sound through the glass, which he stands by, and I eventually roll down my window for him.

"All joking aside," he leans his arms on the window seal and leans into my car a touch. He knows the boundary, though, and doesn't invade my space. "Can I ask you a question?"

"You can, but I can't promise I'll have an answer you'll like to follow it."

He grins at that and picks at my steering wheel cover. It was one of the first things I had crocheted when I learned. It could use some work, but it did the job.

"Continuing our little chances game-"

"Not really a game."

"What are the chances you'll let me take you out, for real?" he asks, looking back at me.

I may not have been fully prepared for this day, but this question? I had been.

"Dean, I feel like I've made it pretty clear that I don't-"

"Hear me out. I know I seem like someone who'd rather continue the night we had Thursday, and I'd be lying if I said that wasn't true..."

"At least you're honest."

His smile widens. "But I can confidently say I would very much like to take you on a real date and spend some time with you as a person."

It was sweet. He was sweet. And it was nice to know he wasn't just lusting over me, but he genuinely wanted to spend time with me and get to know me.

I sighed and looked forward before looking at the fire station behind me.

"I have this rule," I start and he quirks an eyebrow. "I don't date one night stands."

"We can make it more than one night if that helps?" he raised his eyebrows at the hint, but that boyish grin stayed there.

"There's a reason I don't, and I'd rather not relive why that reason became a thing," I put my hand up and started the car.

My comment seems to have stunned him as he considers his next move, but I don't have the strongest will, given how he's looking at me, and I know I need to leave.

"Listen, I have to go-"

"Friends!" he almost shouts and cringes at his abrupt statement. "What about friends?"

"What about friends?" I give him a raised eyebrow.

"What if we were just friends? No pressure of anything else. Just friends," he reiterates.

"I don't think-"

"Come on. Completely innocent, I promise! You've proven to be someone who can handle a person like me, and when I come across someone like that, I like to keep them around," he put his hands up.

"And who says I want to handle a person like you?" I counter.

"The fact you haven't driven off and run over my foot even though you've been given ample time to do it?" he smiles coyly and flutters his eyelashes for extra show.

I laugh, shaking my head, and actually consider the idea of being friends with him. He has been entertaining for the most part, even if a little annoying. But in a fun and cute way, I can't be too mad at.

"If we do become friends," I start, a finger raised at him. He pumps his fist in victory, and I hold onto his fist from a second round. "There will be rules to follow."

"I'm willing to consider running the terms by my lawyer," he tries and acts chill, but he stares at my hand holding his. I quickly pull it away.

"You're a dork."

"You like it."

I continued even if my stomach did a little flip.

"No sexual innuendos, bringing up our single night together, and no flirty little comments. If we're going to be friends, it needs to stay platonic."

He teetered his head back and forth as he considered the terms and then nodded. "I can promise two of those things, but the other may be hard to do."

"Which one?" 

"We'll see, I guess," he shrugged, backing up and patting my car door. "Don't let me take up any more of your time, or do... I'll see you around, friend..." he winked, backing up enough for me to pull out.

He was a crafty little minx, but I think I could find some light entertainment with this man. As long as I keep the boundaries up and am careful, maybe a friendship can actually come out of this.

"I'm keeping an eye on you, Winchester," I note, putting my car in reverse.

"I'm holding you to that," he salutes with a single finger. 

One Night Flame Tag:

@a-magey @thatgirl1456 @marvelfansworld @shadowkat-83 @death-unbecomes-you  @closetspngirl @perpetualabsurdity @deansyahtzee @vicmc624 @classydreamerprofessorpeanut @sisterslytherinog  @carryon-doctor-lock  @spndeanlover1967 @akshi8278@jjlevin @parinarain

My lovelies forever:

@shamelesslydean @sleepless-sin  @sandlee44 @gripmetight-raisemefromperdition @spnwoman @ravengirl94 @carryonmywaywardcaptain @ezilyamuzed @thosekidswhohuntmonsters @anise-d-castle6 @tailsoflightning @spookycowz  @snffbeebee  @angelessquirrel @deans-baby-momma @natura1phenomenon @tftumblin @gh0stgurl @screechingartisancashbailiff @herscrunchiehairtie @dreaminemz  @monkeymcpoopoo@a-girl-who-loves-disney @andthatsmyworld @greenarrowhead @savio-the-depressed-moose @awesome-badass-cafeteria-sauce @greyeyedsmile14  @adoptdontshop-blog @casper57 @traceyaudette @rainflowermoonlibrary @luciathewinchestergirl @almostelegantfire @thefaithfulwriter @the-is13 @kaz11283 @jerkbitchidjitassbutt @squirrelgirl67 @jackles-15 @lauravic @deansgirls-1968 @a–1–1–3  @spnbaby-67 @deannotmoose @naomi02hook @were-not-the-losechesters

[veridium]

! semi-urgent ko-fi drive !

hey ya’ll, 

so tonight I realized my stipend hasn’t come in and probably won’t until later this week. I set up direct deposit too late so they were supposed to mail me my first stipend check on Friday but it literally just hasn’t shown up (which is very annoying and frustrating because I need money to live).

Some bills went though autopay in the last couple of days too and I need to make sure rent is paid on time, and this past month I’ve had to have my landlords be very patient with me over a couple of things so I really don’t want to ask any more of them. 

I need $65 to be able to afford my rent payment in between now and whenever I get my paycheck (looking like tuesday or wednesday because of this holiday weekend) and I don’t even know if it’ll come then, so I’m in a sticky spot. 

So, I’m embarrassed, but I am sending out my Ko-Fi link here in case anyone would be willing and generous enough to donate. I feel bad because I haven’t generated a lot of content in the last month or so outside of an update or two, but, I have few options. 

Reblogs are also *greatly* appreciated. Thank you so so much. 

Ko-Fi Donation Page

[nonmillennialstruggling]

Update- re: long-term guests

I posted about this situation earlier so that I could post to vent.  I didn’t have the heart to blog after I got back from the mountains mid-November. Here is the update.  Long post: Sorry I tried to collapse the recap and I don’t know why it isn’t working.  Within that text collapse I also tried to collapse the update and within that text collapse I tried another text collapse etc.  Each section is described in bold before-hand.  

Recap of What I’ve Posted About Already:

 Friend, grandma, and dog got evicted towards the end of September. I offered them a place to stay. He took the futon in the living room, grandma took the bed in my room, and I put an air mattress in the front room for myself where I literally had 6 inches between the air mattress and my desk. He was talking about finding a place for October 1st.

I don't see him actually leave the house that last week of September, but I figure he’s just been through a lot he needs a bit longer. I keep checking in with him in and let him know that I have to clear a longer than 30 day stay. It’s apparent that he needs longer, and he starts talking about November first.

I still don’t see him leave the house the first week of October, so I raise the issue to him again. He says he has found a place already actually and that they are getting it ready for him but that he is still looking at other places to have other options. He refers to this place being prepared for him a few additional times. I go away for a week, come back and he says that the place fell through because of the eviction on his record, which showed up on his credit report. This means that when he said the place was ready, he didn't actually have an approved application and lease ready to sign.

I raise the issue of a move out date with him again. He says he has found an extended stay hotel that was affordable and that they are moving out the end of October.

The week before they are to move, he says that his former landlord filled an elder abuse claim against him. Since I've been seeing how he cares for his grandmother I know that the claim was not made in good faith. I say goodnight to his grandma the night before they are to move, and it doesn't seem that she knows she is supposed to leave the next day. Moving day comes and my friend says that his friend who works for "the state" actually suggested that he not move because of the elder abuse investigation and that it would look like he had more stability if he stayed put. He says his friend had access to some notes about his case and that the only negative thing noted so far was that his grandma was not in a medical bed. He asks if he can set it up in the front room for the wellness visit. Wellness visit is supposed to happen next week, the first week of November.

I let them stay longer and know that I will check in after the wellness visit. Hearing that they weren't moving that day though was really really hard for me because at this point I’m really tired of being on the air mattress displaced from my room, in the front room where traffic wakes me up at 5 30, not having solitude, and also having to use white noise to screen out the news that my friend has on 24/7 in the living room. Also, November is a hard month for me and I really wanted my place back to myself for that reason too.

I go away for more travel and when I come back the medical bed is not set up and the wellness visit did not happen. I continue checking in with him about the investigation. I also in this time learn that his friend who works for "the state" works in the prison system and it is really weird to me that she would have any access to notes on his elder abuse case. (I contacted the agency that does the investigation to confirm whether or not someone outside the agency working for the prison could access any case notes- they said no one outside of the agency would have access to their case notes but that local police departments are also contacted and would have records too. The police department says that records from a local police department on an open investigation would not be shared with anyone working in the prison system under no circumstances).

 The Update:

 I go away to the mountains mid-November.  I think it was right before I went, I escaped to my desk downtown and felt very grateful to have it.  I wondered what I will do when I have to give it up when the lease ends but then I realize that I’m never sharing my place like this again.  I can do one week on an air mattress and one month of someone on the futon.  I come back from the mountains and can’t do the air mattress after a few days in an actual bed so I book an Airbnb for the rest of the week, that he did pay for.

He says he will move out the weekend before thankstaking to an extended stay hotel. He talked about moving in with his friend who works for the prison system but says that her mom just went into the hospital. I wish the case were closed before the move (if in fact there is a case). There is an interview scheduled the Thursday before he is to move and I really hope the case is closed because that would be before the move. At this point I am definitely fraying around the edges and recognize that I haven't been in my usual routines and that it has affected my productivity. If he is ok moving, I am ok with it.

I check in with him after the interview on Thursday and ask if he is still intending to move this weekend. If he says he needs more time I plan to offer him more time but ask that he move out either the weekend after the investigation closes or, since investigations can take months, at an agreed upon date, whichever is earlier.  I figure one month would be proper notice. And I felt ok about this since he had previously indicated that an extended stay hotel would not be an issue.  He says he is still planning to move that week, so I am glad to hear that.

Sat I say goodnight to his grandma and it also doesn't appear that she’s aware that they are moving tomorrow. This of course seems weird to me. He says that his friend who works for "the state" is supposed to help him move tomorrow. He doesn't have a specific time but says he will be in contact with her.

The next day it is 1 pm and she hasn't come yet. I check in with him because I had planned to be available to help with the move and wanted to check in to see if he needed my help or if I should just go downtown to work. (He can't drive because of a suspended license so I wanted to be available to help with driving). He indicates that he should have it covered with his friend and I let him know that if he needs me then he can just text me.

He Asks for More Time:

Here is a text I got from him later that day and following is my response and his response back. Also, I'll just state for context that after the fact I am pretty sure that he didn't have a hotel reservation and hadn't transferred his grandmother’s home health care to a new address (I inferred this from texts that occurs after the exchange I put below):

Him: Hey (Name). The money I planned to use for the extended stay was going to come from monies I let (name) borrow. She doesn't have the money to give to me and most likely won't have it well into December. I've included her here to verify. However, can we work out another agreement where I move my grandmother to the office so you can have your bedroom back? I literally have $106, for what I planned to buy groceries. (Name) has agreed to come over at 10 tomorrow morning to go get her bed, I need to arrange with storage company. I know this isn't what we agreed to but I just don't have the resources at this moment. I hate to be leaning on my friends like this but I truly don't have any options; my brother won't send any money and I'm trying to get my license sorted while the property is being sold. I know getting your bed back and not sleeping on the air mattress is important. I know it's more important to have your space back, yet I'll make things as comfortable as possible until I'm able to figure this out

Nov 24 6:10pm (time stamp)

Me: I can put it on credit and ask that you repay me when (name) is able to re-pay you in mid-December. Before you moved in you had talked about finding a place for October 1st, and then you were searching for November 1st, so I didn't discuss a concrete move out date with you. I was actually really looking forward to having my place back to myself November 1st though because this is a hard month for me. Then of course I wanted you to be able to get the wellness visit behind you (which I thought would happen the first week of November) and figured that we could set a move out date after the visit. Since you said you were moving out today though I didn't have that conversation with you. If money is the issue I'll spot you.

Nov 24 6:12pm (time stamp)

I've loved having you, your grandmother, and (dog's name) stay with me but I am an introvert and need quiet and it has been a much longer visit than I anticipated. While I have loved having you stay with me I have anticipated having my place back to myself November 1st and then today and it is hard for me when that is changed the day off. I'm confused as to why you would say you were moving out today though if you weren't able to confirm with (name) in advance that she could re-pay you. At any rate if money is the issue, honestly I want my place back to myself at this point more than I'm concerned about my credit limit and can lend that to you.

Nov 24 6:13pm (time stamp)

Him: I completely want to affirm I recognize your need for your space. I've tried my best to stay out of your way. I didn't find out until today that the resources I thought I'd have wouldn't be in place and I immediately notified you. Taking that amount of money from you, after you've opened up your home, wouldn't be helpful for my own mental health. Is it possible to put us out after I'm paid for December? With the research contract and my stipend, I should have enough to pay first/last/deposit for some place. It seems the holiday may not be a time where you want others around, yet it's completely opposite for my grandmother where this'll be the first time without her family and loved ones besides me.

Nov 24 6:13pm (time stamp)

My Response:

The things that were weird to me about his reply were: 1) that I had just stated what would be best for me and he implied that him staying would be actually be better for me than me helping them with a hotel stay, 2) he asserted their needs as more important than mine rather than equal, and 3) he referred to me putting them out when I was just asking that we follow our plan.

Since I was offering a way to address the barrier that he said he faced I told him I couldn't do longer and that I was offering a way to meet the barrier he said he faced.  He tried to push back but I held firm.

He moved himself, his grandmother, and some of their things on Monday. His stuff was all over when I came back Monday night and he hadn't done any cleaning, which was annoying because there was syrup that had spilled and hardened on my bedroom floor and a chewed up rug and things like that that I cleaned up Monday. I thought that "moving" implies taking all your stuff and cleaning afterwards, so I didn't explicitly state that these were my expectations. I don t feel that I should have had to do that though.

He said he was picking the last of his stuff up Wednesday morning, which turned out to be Wednesday night at 10 30. He did some other things that were not cool that I won't go into here.

If I give him the benefit of the doubt, I have to conclude that he is at best clue-less. The other extreme would be seeing him as having an agenda of manipulation. I think he has intentionally lied to me (I mean the thing about his friend seeing the case notes is a blatant lie) but I don't think he has an explicit agenda to be manipulative.  

Also, just for the record he is not and has not been in a place of shut down that may explain not planning his move or cleaning up afterwards.  And I have encountered another thing that is most likely a lie that I won’t go into here either.

I did raise the issue of what may be a feasible pay back plan because I figured at this point that I really needed to have firm boundaries with him because otherwise he would take advantage.  He agreed to it.  I also followed up with him on a paper that he said wanted to send out for publication about a month ago that I hadn’t seen a submission confirmation email for yet. He hadn’t submitted it and I’m realizing that I really hate it when I meet agreed upon deadlines in order to keep a project on track where then the next person responsible for the project (who requested my piece be done by a particular date) just drops things.  I will never start another or project with him again.  

I am also feeling protective of some folks in academia who he may interact with.  I think their issues with him would likely be limited to him dropping the ball on projects and/or proposing a lot of projects that he wants to do for prestige more than he wants to do in order to build a meaningful research portfolio.  Still, I know at least one person who may be more generous if they think he’s just in a hard position, and I am feeling protective about that.    

[nicosroom]

My Money Snapshot

[Inspired by Corporette]

Location: Ohio, small college town

Age: 29

Occupation: PhD candidate (English)/half-time instructor

Income: $16,000 before deductions

Net worth: $588 (I’m crying)

Current Debt: $12,844

Living situation: Renting with a roommate

Money Philosophy:

I grew up in the “working poor” category. My parents are divorced and my father never contributed much financially. Mom made around $21,000 per year at work and she cleaned houses “under the table” to supplement that. Somehow, we never went hungry, what we ate was relatively fresh and healthy, and she managed to put two of us through Catholic schools for a total of 14 years. I know now that mom is still paying some of those loans and credit card debts and that part of her strategy included not contributing more than the 3% that her employer matched in her 401k. Every time I complain about the financial stress I feel at my salary level, I have to remind myself how comparatively unstressful my financial life is.

I’ve always been poor and I always knew that graduate school/academia is not a lucrative career. I tell myself that if I can make things work at this pay grade, then I’m ready for just about anything. My main strategy is to have a budget, stay in the budget, and save every bit that I can.

Monthly budget

$1000-1100 for the necessities each month. Monthly spending on eating out, entertainment, shopping and other categories varies widely. I also won’t lie... dating someone who makes 4x more money than me helps... I’m fairly frugal on all of these fronts: I buy most of my clothes second hand and I tend to shop seasonally. Spikes in spending occur around the winter holidays when I’m buying gifts and when I am doing traveling. And I also have totally weak, impulsive moments - like the $3 soap sales at Bath & Body works, or that time I spent $110 on bras and underwear on a whim. Anyway:

Rent: $272.50/month

Other living expenses: $130-170/month (electric, internet, phone, renter’s insurance - lower in summer, higher in winter)

Transportation: $332/month (gas, insurance, car payment)

Healthcare: $162/month (health+dental insurance, no vision coverage)

Groceries: $120-150/month ($30/week)

Debt Picture

Student loan: $2000

Car loan: $10,488

I’m a career student & my motto for all the years I’ve been in school has been “follow the money.” I went to college on very hefty scholarships and I only had to take out the $2000 loan to cover housing costs during my first year. For the subsequent three years, I was an RA, so I never had to take loans again. I applied to graduate programs based on the research fit, and when I got my offers, money weighed heavily in the decision. I would have loved to live in Boston as a wee 22-year old, but I wasn’t about to take out loans for a year’s worth of tuition and the living expenses. And to get a PhD while living in Minneapolis, my very favorite city in the US? It would have been such a dream, but for the quite steep difference in stipends and the significant disparity in cost of living compared with Ohio. My only regret on this front is that I haven’t started paying back my tiny student loan. I’ve been able to defer it since I’m in graduate school, which was a great idea when I was a master’s student who didn’t know the first thing about budgeting. But if I had just paid $25/month from the start of grad school the balance would be $0 about the same time I graduate from this PhD program this August. Instead, I’ll be scrambling to pay off the whole balance before my 6 month grace period ends. 

The car loan is less than a year old. I finally broke down and bought a new (by which I mean used) car last summer after really pushing it with the car my parents had bought me in high school. Repairing that car put me into credit card debt more than once and I was getting so stressed about it. It was time. I have a very good credit score, so I qualified for a nice loan rate with my credit union, and to get a better rate I got my mom to co-sign my loan. It’s a popular rental fleet model so there were tons of them on the market, but average miles were high - so when I saw one that was two years old with only a years worth of miles on it at $1000 less than the average price for that make, model, and year, I jumped on it. My payments are $231/month on the 5-year plan. Currently, I’m paying that minimum, but I plan to escalate my payments as my income goes up (I’m on the academic job market now, pray for me). I folded this car payment into my existing budget by giving up solo-living and finding a roommate. When I had my own apartment, very spacious with a huge kitchen and tons of windows/natural light, I was paying about $585 for monthly rent. I hate living with people, but I hated the idea of being trapped in this college town without a car even more - one of my other mantras is “you can do anything for a year.” 

A note on credit cards: I love them. I’m one of those responsible people that charges everything and pays the balance like clockwork every month. This is the only way to make sure you’re actually taking advantage of the cash back/reward perks! Currently, I’m using Capital One’s Venture card and stockpiling airline miles for travel (it has a 40,000 mile sign-on bonus). If you’re good for it, I also recommend one card with a great balance transfer program. For me, when I get into an emergency situation, it makes me feel like I have options. It’s been about 4 years since I’ve had to use my balance transfer card to cover costs ($1400 in car repairs, summer 2015), but at my level, I can’t afford to not have back up plans. 

Savings and Investments

$5,517 Cash

$7,861 Roth IRA + employer mandated retirement account

Retirement: The biggest financial mistake I've made in grad school is that I did not opt into the retirement account offered by the university when I started my M.A. in 2012. When they ask me that “what I wish I had known before I went to grad school” question, this is near the top of the list. I did, eventually, open a Roth IRA and slowly I started to build something. This year, when my graduate funding dried up and they made me a “half-time instructor” the retirement account for public school teachers was mandatory and the contributions are high: 14% of every pay check (annoying, yes, but on the flipside, there is an equally high employer match). While I’m contributing to this, I’ve paused my contributions to the IRA. I’ll roll this money over, either into the IRA or into another state/employer retirement fund when I move on from here. 

Personal savings: I strive for a minimum of $100 per month and frequently do a little more, but each month is different and I consider it a win if I break even. Through most of grad school, I’ve taken on “second jobs” to bolster what I can save (and boost my resume). Both jobs have been through the university, so they limit me to five hours a week. When I max them out, this can be an extra $200-250 each month. 

I took up a new savings challenge this academic year to build on my “play money” savings account (a high yield savings account which my bank labels a “goal setter” account). The challenge involves tallying the “total savings” printed on my receipts each month (i.e. when the grocery store is like “you saved $6″ because of sales and coupons). So, At the end of the month, I put that running total into my goal setter account. Sometimes the total savings are like $26, but others its as much as $171. It’s an interesting challenge because it encourages me to do tedious things, like scroll through all the digital coupons on the grocery store app; but at the same time, I know that the higher that number is usually coincides with a lot of shopping which encourages some self-regulation. 

I initially set my goal at $2500 when I opened the goal setter account in 2014. When I had to dip into the account in April 2018 to pay $930 in car repairs, I finally set plans in motion to buy my car. Since I bought used, I only put 10% down on the car (just over $1200). When I sold my old car for $1000, I put that money right back into the account to start saving for new things...

What I’m saving for now:

travel: to celebrate finally finishing this PhD, I’m hoping to pull off a trip to Europe. Later this year, I’m also turning 30 around the same time that one of my regular professional conferences is meeting in Hawaii. If I can do one or both in the next year, that’d be grand. (As I mentioned, I'm saving up airline miles with my credit card program, too!)

a multicooker: think InstantPot...but more expensive because my dreams all revolve around small appliances that match my stand mixer. 

What I do to be frugal... 

I’ve been frugal my whole life, but a couple of major habits I’ve formed include:

Meal planning and home cooking (read my guide to meal prep here). The money part of that means planning what I eat around maximizing the ingredients I have to buy. I plan meals that use the same ingredients so I’m not spending on an entire bunch of celery and then throwing out 75% of it. Routinization also helps, so my grocery lists stay about the same week to week and the bill relatively predictable - for example, I eat avocado egg salad almost every day for lunch. I know, avocados are not cheap, but I also believe in spending on the things that nourish you––literally and “spiritually.” Roxane Gay once said that she never bought avocados or blueberries when she was a “poor grad student.” Once she started making money, she realized she would buy them because she could afford them, but she also threw them out all the time because she didn’t plan her meals right to actually eat them. The point is, buy the foods that you like/feel good about and build habits around them. It’s not wasted money. That said, I won’t pay more than $1.25 for an avocado!

Second hand clothes shopping, especially for my business casual (it’s amazing what people donate to the Goodwill, barely worn!)

[pockets-of-peace]

This is a really long story. The events that led to discussing Disney started three years ago. Story under read-more

In January of 2016 we went up to SD, where Rus is from, for his grandfather’s funeral. When we got home from that trip he told me that his mother was planning a big party for his 40th birthday and we were expected to come up for that. I told him that she really needed to talk to me about that, as his wife I’d like to be in on planning such a milestone birthday, and also I’m the one that saves for and plans the logistics of vacations. He delivered my message. It being 2.5 years in the future I put it out of my mind.

In January of 2017 I reminded him that that year would be our 10th wedding anniversary and I asked him how it was going with his savings for a ring set for me. Three years prior I’d told him that that was what I really wanted for our 10th. Turns out he had saved $0 for a ring because of course he didn’t, because that’s how his brain works. I was angry and I was hurt, but realizing affording a ring in one single year wasn’t an option I asked if he’d prefer we took a family trip or something else instead. He agreed to it. I reminded him that he’d need to take a semester of classes so we could afford to pay for it. (He was at that time working on finishing up his degree. Under the US G.I. Bill they will pay you a monthly stipend as long as you’re taking a certain amount of credit hours each semester until A. the money runs out - or - B. You finish your degree which ever comes first) He knew he’d have to do that and he agreed. A month later he came to me and backed out of that agreement. He said he didn’t want to go back to school he wanted an indefinite break after the semester he was currently in ran out. 6 months out from finishing his gotdamned degree and he wants an indefinite break. I told he was being a stubborn idiot, as did his father, but he was resolute. No degree. No trip. No ring. No nothing special for our 10th anniversary. Things were frosty for a while. (Reading through this I’m adding in that he was in school for his ASSOCIATES DEGREE for SEVEN YEARS and he still has not finished it. He has literally 2 classes to finish it. He’s been out for over a year now and has NO intention on going back. I have just. No words.) 

That summer I believe, so summer 2017 his mother brought up the 40th birthday thing again. So he reminded me she was expecting that. I laughed at him. A trip to SD means flying because I refuse to drive that. I’ve done that drive twice. I am not doing it again, especially not with a child, even more so with the child I have. Liam doesn’t travel well. So a trip to SD means we need at least $2,000 for air tickets, money to pay for our meals and pitch in for food, and so we can have gas money if we want to go anywhere because yes, they expect us to pitch in while we’re there. And of course, spending money. There was absolutely no way we’d have that kind of money in time. And excuse me? You want me to plan and save for a trip for YOU when you can’t even bother to do something for our anniversary? You must be out of your mind. It was a pretty nasty fight and neither of us came out on top of that.

Nothing for another year. Summer 2018 and I’m dealing with preparing for that trip to bury Gram. I had to scrimp and save for that. You know how rough last year was financially for us. He came to me AGAIN about the stupid trip to SD. I was like “Look. No. I am not planning that trip. No. I am not saving for that trip. No. I do not plan to take that trip. If you can not be bothered to save and plan for something nice for me I can not be bothered to save and plan something nice for you. ESPECIALLY when your mother has never even once mentioned it to me. She hasn’t even talked to me since that trip up in Jan of 2016. I have been completely discluded from planning anything to do with this party for you. And how the hell do you think that makes me feel? Your WIFE can’t be included in planning your 40th BIRTHDAY?! NO. I’m not going. If you want to figure out a way to get your ass up there for it be my guest, but don’t expect to have a marriage when you get back. You’ll have a wife because neither of us can afford to leave, but you won’t have a marriage.”

That was another bad fight. I won’t really get into the back and forth because it’s a lot of words, but I won that fight.

So as he figured out how to explain to his mother we weren’t coming up the next summer we found out that it was a moot point anyway because he has no PTO. Which is another whole story to explain how that happened. But no, no PTO, he’s actually in the negative with PTO hours. So it doesn’t matter that we couldn’t afford it, he won’t have the time next summer anyway. She blew up on him because I was right all along; it never about him and doing something for him. It was about what she wanted.

Then mom died. Then I found out how much money I was going to be getting.

So in an effort to salvage something and get him to be able to see his parents I asked him to invite them down over the summer. Whenever would be best for them, just pick a time and I’ll make it happen. We can go to Disney and Legoland. Or we can take a trip down to The Keys. Or maybe a stay on the west coast at a beach side hotel? Just invite them down and we’ll all go do something fun for your 40th birthday. (Which is this August btw)  Well.... they didn’t really want to do that.

In December .... about a month after getting the money.. and yes, he did tell them exactly how much I got.... we started discussing maybe going to Disney at some point in the future. His mom got pissy that I would pay for that but that he still couldn’t come up this summer. So again I was like “talk to your parents about coming down. We’ll all go to Disney and you know what? I’ll help pay for it. Tell them I’ll either pay for their tickets to the park or their room down in Orlando. But I need to know by like the end of February so I can start to plan this and pay for stuff in advance.” (Another addition - we weren’t planning on being at the parks for just a day. We were talking an extended stay covering multiple parks. Disney AND Legoland or Universal. Three day at least. Maybe 4 as this was meant to be a birthday extravaganza for him and Liam. So ... park tickets for 3 or 4 days OR a hotel room for 3 or 4 days for them paid for by me. I felt like that was a very generous offer.)

So he told them. He explained to them how much I’m going out of my way to try and make this happen. Prices in Orlando are double during summer. It’s tourist season. I’m going to be exhausted from walking around in 90 degree weather and will need frequent breaks. A trip at that time is not convenient for me, but I’m doing it because I really want them to come down for his birthday. They’ve hemmed and haw’ed about it, not really wanting to let us know either way. In the meantime I’m starting to get really angry with these people.

In December - the week of Christmas - his work got really stressful for him. They’re incredibly understaffed because that’s the way the Navy wants things, but people still have vacation time they need to use, preferably around holidays, it made everything that much tighter and more stressful. He hasn’t stopped telling me since Christmas about how badly he needs a vacation.

At the end of January I told him to take one of his precious few sick days and take either the Friday or Tuesday around Presidents day off and we’ll go do something. We can go to Orlando. Legoland or Harry Potter world at Universal for a day. We can go to The Keys. Maybe Tampa? Or maybe Savannah? Whatever he wanted to do, where-ever he wanted to go and I would pay for it. He works really hard for us and I don’t ever want him to think I don’t appreciate that. So let me show you how much I appreciate that! He dithered about it because he didn’t really want to take a sick day.

After about the third asking if he was going to take a day off and him grousing at me I just stopped asking. Last Tuesday - Tuesday, February 5th,while I was cooking supper and we were talking I said something like ‘Hey I know what we can do President’s weekend; there’s a huge flea market and antique mall down in Stark I’ve been wanting to go to. You like flea markets, I like antique malls, we can get out early and make a day trip of it.” His response to that was “That sounds like fun! And then we can go to Disney.”

I bought three day passes because it was the best deal on tickets. We’re doing Magic Kingdom Sunday, and Animal Kingdom on Monday. We’re going to save the third day to go back down later in June and go to one of the water parks. We are no longer offering a trip to Disney to his parents. If they come down during June they can come with to the water park. If not, oh well.