#the last couple paragraphs got deleted :C

[mudskip-drabbles]

@dragcns-den wanted more Gay Shit

"You are an asshole!" Yelled as the front door was literally kicked open, that poor lock not having a single hope when matched against Giovanni Potage!

Still, despite his strong entrance, it was clear by Gio's tone that he was anything but angry, the shouting being solely for dramatic affect, which was always important. "How dare you start a war of affections with me while I was enacting my most evil of plans!" (IE: Stealing a bear plushie for Molly out of a claw machine that would spurn him no longer!) "There is no room for love in the midst of such vile atrocities!" That didn't stop him from returning the warm feeling of love across their bond though, it seemingly having become one of Rick's favorite pastimes as of late, to bombard his friends whenever he got the urge to let them know just how much he cared for them. Gio still remembers the first time he'd felt it, the sudden feeling of pure, unrestrained affection literally knocking him to his knees as it took his breath from his lungs. It hadn't taken long to put two and two together after that, Rick quickly turning from loving to fearful so suddenly that it too could be felt across their bond, there being no way it could all be chalked up to coincidence.

Rick was mostly unphased, having to push down the initial fear of the sudden entrance despite knowing it was only Giovanni. He met the dramatic shouting with an evil laugh in turn, dark wisps of miasma emitting from his upturned palms most menacingly.

"Fool! You believed yourself free from my grasp simply because you were busy!? The downfall is of your own making!" It didn't matter where any of his friends were or what they were doing, he was going to send them love whenever he pleased! He needed them to know at any given moment when his mind grew cruel, it making him twitchy and unnerved whenever he'd tried to suppress the urge at first.

"You will never know peace so long as we are bound heart and soul! Such is the consequences of-" He cut himself off at the sight of the stuffed bear in Gio's hand, his eyes now shining as a hand came up to his mouth as if to hide a gasp. "Oooooo! What is that adorable little creature? Will it require sustenance? What does such a mighty being endeavor to consume?" Rapid fire questions didn't give Gio a chance to answer until Rick was nose to nose with the stuffed animal that had been held up for him to see more clearly.

"Oh this?" He sounded way too smug about a plushie. "It's a stuffed animal! One that Bear Trap and I tried for hours to win. But I emerged victorious in the end!!" A pause, the theatrics being toned down within the span of a blink. "Oh uh, I'm not allowed at the arcade in the mall anymore. Like that's gonna stop me. Stupid mall cop thinks he can control me."

Setting the bear onto the dining table so Molly would see it upon coming home from school, Rick stayed near nose to nose with the fluffy thing with that shine never dulling for even a moment.

"Fascinating! What is the purpose of these 'stuffed animals'? Is it customary to gift the deceased to a loved one?" A genuine question, one that pulled a laugh from Gio as he settled the little bear to sit up against a couple school books Molly had left there. It wasn't out of malice though, something Gio made sure to tell Rick every now and then so he didn't get the wrong idea. He thought such questions were cute, that puppy dog look of excitement Rick got enough to inadvertently shoot affection across their bond, Gio always felt it so strongly upon seeing it.

"It's just fabric, dude. Made into a little friend! Kinda like...THIS!" Pulled dramatically from his inner coat pocket was another plushie, this one being a stuffed chameleon that was purple and red in color. "I actually paid for this one, saw it while they were escorting me out of the mall. Had to sneak back in to buy it, but I had to! It was too perfect!!"

Those puppy dog eyes quickly switched their excitement to this new reveal, Rick growing so giddy he began to rapidly clap his hands as he bounced in place.

"I LOVE IT!!" Loud, but Gio hardly minded. "Who is this fabric friend for?" A question Giovanni knew to be genuine by the curiosity that skipped across their bond, it bringing a fond smile to his face.

"It's for you, ya goof!" A dramatic gasp at the new new reveal, Rick lighting up like a firework as he nearly plowed into Gio's chest for a tight hug. One that had Gio lifted a good couple inches off the ground, something that had a blush warming up his face with a feeling he didn't quite know how to place.

"I LOVE IT!!!" Somehow even louder than before, Gio was set down in favor of hugging the plushie to his chest, Rick being filled with joy one might expect of a child or a man who hadn't received a gift like this in years.

"Where is your fabric friend?" Asked with that same eager grin as he smooshed his cheek against the plushie, it quickly turned into a loud gasp as Gio shrugged his shoulders.

"UNACCEPTABLE!!" Shouted before Gio could get even a breath into his lungs, Rick hugged the toy to his chest while he pulled a smiling Giovanni towards the door by the hand.

"Uh, I'm kinda banned from the mall, remember?" Not that he would abide by such a thing, but he was curious as to where Rick would go with this.

"Unimportant!! We must procure you a fabric friend as well!!" He didn't want Giovanni to be left out.

Gio could only give a fond laugh as he shook his head, picking up his pace so he was the one pulling rick along.

"Well then what are we waiting for? Pick up the pace Shades, we gotta get home before Bear Trap so we can see her face when we give her that bear!! I bet she's gonna flip and I don't wanna miss it!!"

[leisureflame]

"I CANT THINK"

If you write, I assure you you have thought that.

Fear no more child, for I have found a solution.

it's called Rapid writing

something we learned when I was in 9th grade drama class and I cannot emphasize enough just how effective it is. Its actually what gave me the idea for my first book.

Stop what you are doing and do what I tell you

go grab either a pencil and paper (or open an empty document)

set a timer for 2 minutes

ask a friend to give you a random sentence. I have a few examples that I myself rapid wrote to: a) I looked around and saw b) the old lady hung from the ceiling and laughed c) purple paint dripped from her long purple fingernails d) there is a hole in my ceiling. e) when I am sad I... f) When you close the door, I... g) there is a wooden door with a gold doorknob

Now the most important thing is not to think of this sentence before you start writing. as soon as you decide which one if you are choosing from my examples (or as soon as you hear it if you are getting if from a friend), start the timer.

start writing the sentence and without hesitating just keep writing. the #1 rule here is to not stop or hesitate for a single second until the 2 minutes are over. you can write nonsense if you want and if you REALLY can't continue then write some random words for a couple of seconds then continue AS LONG AS YOU ARE STILL WRITING.

another rule is that you are not allowed to delete. even if its a spelling error, just ignore it.

after the timer is done, I promise you will have something to work with. now copy the paragraph you wrote and paste it below, here you can start fixing spelling errors and adding things at your own pace because now the creative side of your brain has opened.

don't think about the way you are writing or the words you use, think about the story you are telling. the idea.

Sometimes you will get something beautiful and deep like I did here:

When I am sad I go to my blanket, not many people know about it, all they think is happening is that a child likes to cuddle in a blanket, but no. my blanket has a special thing about it, it is a magical blanket, well, not the blanket itself but the embroidery on the blanket, it simply takes my sadness away but it adds the story of my emotions to the embroidery, my blanket is a very pretty one, it is a pastel blue color and it has so much silk embroideries that you just think its patterns, but it isn't, if you look deeper you will find stories every one of those stories came from someones tears... my tears. whenever i cry, i wipe my tears with my blanket and my pain goes but my story stays.

or

there is a wooden door with a gold doorknob on the door there is a painting of you, and there are many locks on the door from top to bottom, when you open the door, there is a mirror. this door is the door to self discovery, from the outside there is a painting of how people think you look like but when you open the door, you get to see what you really are in detail and look at yourself they way you want to, you can smile or cry and the refection on the mirror will change but on the painting, it doesn't show ur emotions, just how people see you usually.

or you can get something so stupid like i did here:

there is a hole in the ceiling in my classroom. everyday a dinosaur would a pear and eat my lunch and i keep coming home hungry but my mom dsays she packed me enough food. so she didn't feed me. i told her a dinasour was eating my lunch but she said that disasours only live in Norway! so i went into the school vents looking for that idino and revenge my food, we met at last, held our weapons, i was holding a subway sandwich and the dino was holding a bana na MY BANANA  i lost it, so i attacked him one hit on the head and the whole species were extinct , people thousand of years from now said dinos got extinct because of a meteorite but i know better, also i am still alive because whoever kills a dino becomes immortal, also i killed my mom for not believing me and let her starve in her grave just like she let made me starve. and then i killed everyone who was a flat earther because i hate them and now i can kill anyone once i tap them with my super subway sandwich 

(by the way, ignore the horrible spelling, the examples i gave were from the unedited version.)

THE POINT IS ITS ACTUALLY SO HELPFUL. you can use it for a new story idea (i used the blanket one as an element in one of my WIPs and it helped the story a lot) or if you get something stupid like the dino one I wrote THATS GOOD THATS FINE because now you have your creativity going.

I challenge you to actually try this and PLEASE share it with me I LOVE reading other peoples rapid writings. have fun <3

tagging @cosmosandcapybaras24 @ajsbookshelf @gloryofdawn, @chaoticharmony93 @deception-united and anyone else who's interested to try this out and share with me!

[residenthesitant]

fic writer interview!

Snagging from @definitelynotshouting because I loooove talking about my fics lol

How many works do you have on AO3?

between my two accounts and including all my anonymous fics, i have published 115 fics since 2014. if we're only counting ones visible on the residenthesitant and hesitantresident pseuds, 58. 

What's your total AO3 word count?

Again, counting both accounts, it's 630,517 words total. On RH alone, a whopping 498,925. jesus christ. i did not think it was that much.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

With the ones just on RH/HR, they are:

Look at the World So Close (And I'm Halfway To It) (DSMP) - 1,777 kudos

Like Begets Like (DSMP) - 405 kudos

END PRINCE LEARNS TO BE NICE (NOT CLICKBAIT) (OSMP) - 314 kudos

That Bitch is Back (& We're Gonna Have A Chat) (DSMP) - 258 kudos

Static (Danger Days: True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys) - 219 kudos

honestly, im kinda surprised by this one. i fully thought there'd be at least one of my anon fics in here. wild.

rest of this is under the cut!

Do you respond to comments?

I try to respond to comments, but have had difficulty in the past. most often i do because i want to talk about behind the scenes stuff.

What's the happiest ending you've written?

I prefer happy/bittersweet endings,  but I think my happiest is world so close, since it basically has a fairy-tale happily ever after to it.

Do you write crossovers?

Nah. I'll do AUs, and maybe there's some crossover due to the nature of the MCYT fandom, but I largely keep characters in their own casts. It feels weird to put them elsewhere.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

No, but someone did delete a nice comment once, which was kinda weird lol

Do you write smut? What kind?

i did kinktober last year! if "toxic fucked up manipulative puppetduo sex" is what this means by "kind," thats generally what i do. i uh. i wrote 1/3rd of the fics in that tag. so.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not officially, but I joke that the writers of the Homestuck Epilogues stole part of one of my fics to write about how dirk felt about his own death. The fact that they read exactly the same means that I Understand the character ig.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes! World So Close started a collaboration with my beloved friend Jinx but largely fell to me when they got too busy. I also have a couple Frantic Fanfic collabs and a co-written zine piece coming up.

What's your all-time favorite ship?

Very hard question. I don't think I have an All Time Favorite out of all the fandoms I've been in, but if we go by fav per fandom, they'd have to be dirkjake (homestuck), a rotating selection of c!eret ships though I am extremely fond (understatement) of dreameret (dsmp), shadowgast (critical role: mighty nein), zoethian (yogscast), and a PC/PC romance from my dnd game.

What's a WIP you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

sighs. For Every Failing Sun. it says its marked as complete because i have the rest of the plot in not!fic form, but the fact of the matter is that i dont think i'm gonna get around to completing it unless the danger days hyperfixation grabs me again.

What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue all the way. if i dont have a character voice right, i will simply perish

What are your writing weaknesses?

i will use the same words and phrases within two paragraphs of each other and then miss it in the edit, and i'm a fiend with an em dash. take those things away from meeeeeeeeeee

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

this one doesn't really come up for me, though i get a little annoyed when it's worked in very clunkily. dark shout out to 14 yr old me doing this with a tumblr snk fic.

What's the first fandom you wrote for?

Unofficially, Peter and the Starcatcher when i was 7, hand-written. Officially, House of Anubis on the nickelodeon message boards circa 2011.

What's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to?

I want to maybe write a perc’ahlia fic sometime soon? Depends on how the mood takes me? Like, I've officially now written for critical role, but perc’ahlia seems like the next step. Only took 8 years of being in the fandom for the blorbofication of Percy de rolo to happen. It's kinda funny, I've been a fan of shadowgast for so long but have never felt the need to write for them. It just hasn't felt necessary. 

What's your favorite fic you've written?

this one's easy. It almost certainly has to be bring a little rust, slow the gears, which i, coincidentally, wrote for TJ for a fic event! genuinely one of my favorite things i've ever done, i'm extremely proud of it and it has some of my favorite c!eret dynamics at the forefront. OTHERWISE, it'd have to be Le Roman de la Couronne, which is a c!punz/c!eret courtly love au, which really just means i spent 33k infodumping about medieval and elizabethan literary tradition, with blorbos on top of it.

anyone who wants to do this, say i tagged you. i love when people talk about their own shit. ok love u bye

[martsonmars]

[wrote most of this last January — I'm not deleting the tags but LOL — and I'm not changing my answers — not even the last time I cried — but I'll add stuff]

15 Questions 15 People

Thanks @nausikaaa @johnwgrey @shrekgogurt @raenestee @yellobb @stitchyqueer @facewithoutheart @fatalfangirl @prettylightsbigcity @sillyunicorn and at least two more people (whose notifications were eaten by Tumblr) for the tags! I love being tagged in these games even though I don't always participate. [And now it just took me a year...]

I almost didn't participate this time either because I don't like some of the questions, but I really wanted to answer a couple of them so here we are 😂 It'll likely be long so...

[Tagging @onepintobean @brilla-brilla-estrellita @palimpsessed @ileadacharmedlife @technetiumai @thewholelemon @youarenevertooold @iamamythologicalcreature @ic3-que3n @theearlgreymage @messofthejess @theimpossibledemon @artsyunderstudy @cutestkilla @valeffelees. That's 15! If you played last year you can ignore me or play again.]

1. Are you named after anyone?

Not really? Definitely not after a relative (thank god, I'm not a fan of it), but:

a) my mother's religious enough that biblical Marta was on her mind. She used to say that if she had another girl she wanted to call her Miriam, and it wouldn't have happened anyway because when we thought my brother would be a girl — before that “uh there's a penis here” that made me cry because I was used to being a single child by then, and I was already so upset to get a sibling that at least I wanted a sister — I fought for the name Emma, but she did want to play a vague Martha&Mary game. (My brother got a religion-inspired name too, anyway.)

b. there's a song by one of her favourite singers that's called Marta che parla con Dio (I love this song so much!) and she always mentioned it when I asked about my name

c. Marta Abba was an actress and the muse of my mother's favourite writer. I always say that I'm named after her because I like the idea.

2. When was the last time you cried?

I don't remember when I last cried properly (not because I never cry but because I cry too often) but the last time I had to fight tears because I was in public and almost failed was two days ago.

3. Do you have kids?

Nope! I'm baby myself. I used to say I absolutely didn't want kids but now my stance is more “we'll see what happens”. Kids feel like too much — I'm always exhausted when I have to take care of my brother (who's almost 11 now, so not a baby, and still requires so much time and energy) and spending a week with my 3yo cousin reminded me of how it is when they're younger — and I'm not sure I'd want to devote such a big part of my life and my days to someone who, at least at first, would need me so much. But I love kids. I usually joke and say that I love them as long as they're someone else's and they go home at the end of the day, but I think I'd like having my own kid. I want to believe I'd be a good parent. But I definitely don't want to birth anyone, so we'll see what more queer rights or moving to another country life brings!

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

I think so? I love sarcasm, but I probably don't use it as much as I think I do.

5. What’s the first thing you notice about people?

This is one of the questions that bothered me because I couldn't think of any physical characteristic, but then I realise that the answer is SO easy: the first thing I notice about people I interact with is whether they pass my anxiety's vibe check.

(What I notice about people I don't interact with is whether they'd be good fancasts. The only faces I remember among all the people I've seen in 3 months of classes in person are: potential Shep fancast & potential fem Baz fancast.) (They're friends btw.)

6. What’s your eye color?

Brown. (I almost found a way to turn this answer into 15 paragraphs too, but I'll spare you.)

7. Scary movie or happy endings?

Happy endings for sure. I'm not a fan of scary movies in general (can't see the appeal), but I'll always pick happy endings. Though I can bear sad movies better than sad books, probably because everything's faster.

8. Any special talents?

I'll skip this one. Not because I don't think I have any special talents, but because what's a talent? What's special? Honestly my special talent is not being able to answer this kind of question about myself (along with “describe yourself in 3 adjectives” and shit like that).

9. Where were you born?

Wouldn't you like to know.

10. What are your hobbies?

I am, sadly, pretty inconsistent about hobbies. The ones that never leave are reading and writing (even when I had my 3 year long writer's block, writing was still at the top of my mind), but other than those two I have a wide variety of hobbies that come and go. Mostly because if I don't master a skill immediately I give up, and so I keep picking hobbies up and then abandoning them and then picking them up again. I'd probably be happier if I stopped wasting so much time on my phone and dedicated more time to getting better at some of these hobbies I've tried, but alas, my brain cannot be coerced into it.

December edit: learned and learning to crochet and I have a feeling this hobby will stay.

11. Do you have any pets?

Nope. I probably wouldn't want a pet that can move around, or one I'd have to touch (I assume you have to touch most pets somehow... but when I helped my aunt with her fish I didn't have to touch them because she had a little net I could use to move them when cleaning was needed, and it was great, so I could probably handle something like that). I'd also be sad about their lifespan.

Honestly, I'll probably only have a pet if someone I live with will have or strongly want one.

12. What sports do you play/have you played?

I did ballet from age 4 to age 11, then I let them fat shame me away from it. I probably would've quit after middle school anyway, but I wish I hadn't let them make me feel like shit about my body because I really love ballet, and I was the best of my group (the examiner from the Royal Academy of Dance said so twice.), and we were going to try point shoes the next year, and I was just a chubby kid.

Then I did archery for 2/3 years in high school. I quit because I felt like I didn't have enough time to do it AND study, and so I didn't want to commit to it to the point of buying my own bow, and the equipment my trainer gave me for free wasn't good enough that my skills could improve past a certain point, and so I got frustrated with it. I'd like to pick it up again someday.

(I almost googled whether ballet is a sport because I feel like a lot of people would say it isn't for different reasons, but then I decided that I don't care. It counts as a sport to me.)

13. How tall are you?

174 cm, I think. Maybe 173. 5’8”?

14. Favorite subject at school?

Oh boy. I could spend hours on this, I'm such a swot (which is why my current struggles with studying hurt so much! I never thought I'd be the kind of person who'd struggle with the only thing I used to be the best at, and yet here we are).

I think my favourite subjects to study are things like history and law. I also love languages so much and I need structure to study them (I struggle to be consistent and practice on my own). I loved scientific subjects and kinda miss them occasionally. I loved all the literature/social sciences classes I've had in my life but most of them are mostly stuff I like to read about and don't really want to study.

[December comment: I didn't post this in January because I didn't finish answering this question. I still don't want to finish because it's too much. I just want to say that there's a difference between subjects I like in general and subjects I like to study, and I think the two categories intersect in the fields of history, languages and law.]

15. Dream job?

There are two wolves inside of me.

The wolf that wants to leave a very specific mark in the world, which is the reason why I'm studying politics. I am not saying that politics are the way (or the only way) to change the world. I'm not even saying I want to be a politician. But there is in me the desire to do something for the world from this point of view, be it through writing or activism or NGOs or European/international institutions and organisations or the government. I'm currently [December] planning to write my bachelor thesis in International Law and talk about the regulation of AI, and my professor says this is a field that's creating more job opportunities and isn't yet as saturated as the human rights job market, so maybe this is something to pursue.

And the wolf that wants to stay in my little bubble and write fiction. Or translate books (though I don't think I'd actually want to be a translator. It's a shitty job). Have a nice house and a family and forget about the world.

I know these aren't necessarily mutually exclusive (in the sense that both could be possible at different times), but I'm not sure what will prevail. I guess it also depends on the jobs I will find when I'm done studying.

I agree with who said they want a job they like well enough but that leaves them time and energy to pursue their actual dreams. Work doesn't have to be your dream, it can be just work. But maybe I'll turn my dreams into work and have more, different dreams in my private life. We'll see!

[madphantom]

Hello! I sent an anon a looong time ago asking if it would be okay to send some of the notes I took when reading Sarah. Sorry that it took so long!

At first I was trying to figure out how to format it and send them to you. I remembered reading "night flowers shirking from the light of the sun" on the google docs pdf thing, and it had the notes on the side. I thought that would be easy to read so I was trying to figure out how to convert my botes to that.

Then, I accidetally deleted ReadEra, which I used to read your book and was where my notes were. I panicked and redownloaded it, but my data was gone.

Then! While looking through my files! I realised that it made routine backups of its data, including backups that should be after I made all my notes! Hooray!

So I've been able to compile all my notes now. I've decided to forgo making a google doc esque file and just compile the text and send it to you in an ask.

The asterisks in the text was what I actually highlighted, the rest of the paragraph(s) is just for context. I read the snippets you gave before you released the book, so that’s why I referance some things that haven't happened yet (although, I did come back to past parts of the book after I read later parts of it to add more notes, I'm pretty sure).

Initially these notes were just meant for me, so I get a bit personal in some of them (and some pf them are worded a bit weirdly. I did make minor edits to some of them to make them more legible). So sometimes what I say doesn't really align with character motivations. Sometimes I am also just plain wrong about character motivations as well asdfwj.

Also I cut out some of the notes, and the spacing might be weird since tumblr made this into a single text block when I pasted it into an ask, so I had to manually add all of the paragraph breaks.

With all that said, here's the notes!

*****

"...the home of Desmond and Suzanne C. Bell, where the *childless* couple lived together from 1930 until Suzanne's peaceful death..."

--

If this were a real thing I'd be like "Why did you even bring up/emphasise that they were childless? Weird ass thing to do." But since this is a work of fiction.

I believe Suzanne was the one who had a secret? If I am remembering that correctly from the character intros with the picrews. I wonder if she's also trans? Although, a couple unable to conceive together could still have children. So I suppose that doesn't support a trans argument.

Like, they could adopt or have a surrogate. Many ways for a trans-Suzanne-cis-Desmond to have children.

*****

"We had briefly stopped for a chat while you were chasing your hat, and she had given her name as Suzanne and his as *Mr. Frank Carlyle*."

--

Ah! She took her dead lover's name! Also, given "the Carlyle boy came back", that implies that she also took his last name.

(Future me: ?? I do not know what I meant here. They already stated her name as Mr. Frank *Carlyle* in this line...

Edit: Oh wait I get it now. At the time, I didn't know Sarah was pretending to be Frankie, nor did I know Frankie's last name. So I thought that when she detransitioned, she took on a derivative of Frankie's name instead of going back to her deadname to remember him.

I also knew that in that snippet that person was talking about how Frankie dying was strange, since "the Carlyle boy came back", which meant that Carlyle was his last name.

So I thought Sarah took on the name Frank to remember Frankie, and took Carlyle like in a married way. I didn't know she took his name wholesale because she was impersonating him.)

*****

"*I shook my head. "By God, no. This beautiful creature deserves to live in freedom. Can you imagine something so unique and so mesmerizing surviving against all odds just to be kept in some cage as something to be poked and prodded at? It'd be a downright crime."*"

--

Ah, after reading the part where they got the croc, I see the parallels to queerness.

*****

"The deer stood motionlessly in the garden...[]

"... *I need to see it from up close*," I whispered. "Otherwise I will never believe myself.""

--

Me moment. Wish I could go outside to look at a wondrous deer. Or a strange, wondrous sight in general. Like when that car burst into flame in front of our house during the night, and we all gathered around to watch.

*****

"*Four silver eyes glistened at me in the shadows. The deer watched as I placed one foot in front of the other. It took a hesitant step towards me, then another. I saw the muscles moving underneath the snow white fur. Then, suddenly, it took a giant leap and disappeared in the fog.*"

--

I wonder what the God thought of him. I think it's a good person. I wonder if it had goodwill towards him because of how he said it would be awful to kill it.

*****

"Clouds sail past on the *lake's mirror-like surface*"

--

Wow what a pretty lake!

*****

""*We have to start somewhere*," I replied. "If I know how he fell, I know how he landed, but more crucially, I know what he would want to stay alive for."

--

Ah, I kinda expected it to be a twist, where Ignatius only sent them out so that they would not have to be there.

*****

*"Sa…" - he took a deep gasping breath - "Sa….rah!"*

--

I appreciate how she restarted. Reminds me pf myself. I would've been worried that the pause would have been long enough that my words sounded like two syllables, rather than two halves of one word. So, I appreciated how she started, just to make her words clearer.

Also, I wonder why she said this. I might've said this too. I want to correct you about my name. I always do, but especially now. I'm about to die. It's all about me now. Don’t I get to have this one thing? I want you to know what my name is, at least.

But I will not tell you it is mine. I will give you no context. I so desperately want to tell you it is mine, but I can’t. Doing so would decrease my chances of survival by way of decreasing my chances of receiving good medical care, and it would decrease my chances of being tolerated well in my potentially final moments.

I can't have that. Surviving is more important. But I at least want you to know my name, and that you're wrong about me. I can be satisfied with that. It's okay because I have at least that. "Sarah."

*****

"He had run there through the deep green forest, *trying to hide from his mother after breaking a pot at home*."

--

The real villain here is the mother (or parents). This wouldn't have happened if she did not react so poorly to similar things that the child is scared enough after breaking a pot to leave the house.

*****

"...the God rose once more, towards the surface, towards the light, to find who the culprit that had woken *it* was."

--

Hrrg,,, I love it/its gods,,,,

*****

"...*mesmerized by what he saw. And he stepped out into the waves, and followed the sweet sounds of the flute into the cool blue. And he thought of nothing but those slender fingers, and the rose-coloured eyes that seemed to contain the moon and stars on summer mornings.*"

--

Dunno if I want to interpret this in an aro or gay way. If a gay way, it's potentially really funny. Worst crush ever. Immediately drowned in a lake because of it.

(One sided, ofc. Tragic! You were accidentally so ethereal and mesmerising that the boy you wanted to interact with got a crush on you that Immediately killed him. Sad!)

*****

"...it remembered in horror how once upon a time it had been chased into the lake by the townsfolk, *who could not understand it, and it could not understand them.*"

--

Damn epic autism moment,,,, everyone knows that epic autism moment when you are so thorourghly misunderstood by others, and how despite how much you struggle to, you cannot seem to understand them either,,,,

They shouldn't have been such an ass to the God.

*****

"*And so the God left the child on the shore among the wildflowers, and it returned to its eternal sleep, to forget what it had done and forget once more about the world and its cruelty. But they say to this day, on moonlit nights, if you toss a pebble into the lake and find yourself followed home by a white animal, it is the God taking pleasure in seeing you.*"

--

Ah! Comment on this later!

Edit: It is later an I. Still cannot seem to find the words to convey what thoughts and memories this sparks in me. Oh well!

At least I know. Hope I don't forget though. At least I can say that this passage is significant to me!

*****

""It is a sad story, isn't it?" Sarah tilted her head. "After all, the God was not evil, was it?

It was simply there. It could not know that the boy would die for trying to understand it."

"*Perhaps. Or perhaps* it knew, deep down. Perhaps it thought another ghost might save it from haunting itself.""

--

Damn, he really wants to play devil's advocate, huh?

*****

"...[The Storyteller's] split lips drawn back in what was a smile that reminded me of a *snarling fox*."

--

Ah, I get it now! They *are* a fox! This is just like in dbttlor where a character is compared with a nonstandard but still familiar animal and it's like, wow! What a novel and therefore interesting and apt comparison! And then it turns out it wasn't just a random animal for sake of novelty, but it turns out they actually *are* that animal!

*****

""Do me a favour. Don't tell Suzanne until it has happened. She is such a good girl, I'd hate to see her worry in my last moments."

I chewed my lip. Then I lowered my head. "*I promise.*""

--

DAMN. What a difficult position to be in. She deserves to know but why should Sarah (I think) make herself uncomfortable to be better for Suzanne? She's dying. It's all about her.

*****

""Where are you traveling to?"

"Oh, well…" The Storyteller chuckled. "Nowhere, really. I just wanted to get around a bit. Not stay in one place for too long."

"But isn't that dangerous?", Sarah inquired.

"Dangerous?" They raised their eyebrows. "*Why…ohh, right.*"

--

*Monkey King voice* "Ohhh right. Mortality."

*****

"*But there was no ghost. There never had been. There had only been love and what it had left behind.*"

--

YO. COOL ASS LINE. I like how it wasn't supernatural, and instead was just grief. More relatable.

Also reminds me of the "Wasn't actually supernatural but still equally or even more horrifying" trope, which I love.

Like the story of those kids camping around a river who hear the story of a ghost who'll drown you, and at night they hear someone stepping around their campsite, so they get scared. Then cops show up the next day saying someone was killed at another campsite nearby. So they're like "0_0 ...Were they ...*drowned*?".

And the cops are like "No they were shot." So they're like "Oh.", then "OH. A MURDERER WAS AT OUR CAMPSITE LAST NIGHT."

The scares feel more grounded that way, which is cool (not that I don't like supernatural scares as well, 'cus I definitely do).

*****

""How come they left the house with all their belongings still in it? I have often asked myself that." I kicked a pebble out of the way.

The Storyteller sighed. "*Their only son drowned in the lake.*"

--

I wonder if this is the boy from that Gramma's story.

*****

"I thought of the child that had drowned in these peaceful green waves. *Suddenly I no longer felt like going for a swim.*"

--

Lol number one "guy who is going to drown" thing to say. Also, that body was recovered. I'd be more disturbed by the two corpses that stayed down there.

*****

""Was that a heron?", they inquired.

"Yes, a white one," I replied. "It flew across the lake. Looked quite majestic."

The Storyteller stopped dead in their tracks. "*We should go back.*""

--

Damn does the god just kill random people? It didn't strike me as a bad person.

*****

"I tilted my head in confusion. "Why?"

*"Trust me." They chewed their lip. "It will rain soon."

When I looked up, the sky that had just been stark blue had turned ash grey.*"

--

HUH. WAIT. What is the extent of their power? After reading the book, they kinda seem like a normal guy but with immortality, the ability to turn into a fox, see out of their rings, and with knowledge about the God.

Like, they were clearly just saying this so they didn't have to say "Yeah that white heron was a god and I want you to stay away from it in case it kills you."

But it *did* rain. Can they predict the weather as well?? (Maybe that's not even a power. They've just been around so long they can tell what the weather will be.)

*****

"Lightning made the *black lake* glint ominously in the distance"

--

Urgh,, I love lakes <3

*****

"Gramma Margaret smiled with *stained teeth*"

--

OUGH. I love stained teeth! It's always so cool! Every character ever should have stained/yellowed teeth.

*****

"Her teeth glinted in the flickering red light like *wet metal*."

--

Ooh, cool.

*****

"*I woke up, suddenly. It was as if a heavy fog had been lifted from my mind.

It was cold. My neck hurt. My eyes were burning.*"

--

Damn. Moment when you exit hyperfocus and are suddenly hit with all the status conditions.

*****

"*The Storyteller put a hand on their mouth and I felt strangely watched*"

--

Ah, because the ring on their hand, which they can see out of, would be facing towards him.

*****

"*Sarah was lying at the bottom of the stairs, her hair a mess, sobbing.*"

--

Ooh! Just like at the beginning! Maybe this is what happened to her when she was old!

*****

"Her skin was milky *white*"

--

White-ass.

*****

"The deer flinched when the fox bit into its leg. *The smaller animal was whining and crying in pain, but persistent.*"

--

Does biting into it physically hurt them?

*****

"*We do not want them to leave and it seems like, for the moment, they are content staying.*"

--

Aww, friends <3

*****

"Rolling [the crane] over into the grave *pushed my heart inbetween my ribs, but I kept myself contained.*"

--

Ooh, what a neat phrase!

*****

""Wouldn't that make a lovely story?"

"Of course it would, I just have to say, I am not particularly fond of the idea of being the protagonist in a ghost story""

--

Hehe, the fact that he agreed that that would be a lovely story...

Like, I thought he would go, "No! That is awfully morbid!", but no. He's like "Yes, that would be a very lovely and cool story. I would just not like to be in it."

I must say, I like this more. I'm gonna add interactions like that into my stories <3.

*****

""No, I mean…it doesn't look alive. It's full of dirt and its feathers are falling out and it's viciously pecking at itself. It looks like it should never have come here in the first place."

The Storyteller tilted their head, but said nothing. *They probably thought I was losing my mind.*"

--

Oh no, my friend the Normal Person Storyteller is gonna think I'm a weirdo for thinking something supernatural happened! :(. They're just a normal human with no contact with that sort of stuff, so of course they wouldn't believe me :(.

*****

"[Suzanne] sighed, glanced at me uneasily. "Will you wake me if anything new shall happen?"

"*Of course.*""

--

NO YOU WON'T. YOU'RE NOT GONNA. HOW HORRIBLE*.

*Not saying Ignatius is horrible. This is a complicated situation, and I don’t know what the right choice is. But this is a horrible situation for Suzanne to find herself in.

*****

"*Heavens, no. What on earth would she do with me? She's an angel, what am I? A milkman's son, who writes quite awful poetry in his free time. No, no, I think it is better for the both of us if I just continue to stare from a distance…and fall a little more in love with every passing day…"*"

--

Girlie, this is unfair to her! You are assuming how she feels and acting on that assumption. She should be able to come to her own decision regarding that (being in a relationship with you) with all the information in front of her.

For example, what if she liked you back? It's mean to assert that she simply cannot fall in love with certain people, when she has never said so herself!

Also, you're implying that she is quite shallow to not fall in love with common people just because they're not big fancy fraughts.

*****

""*I'm quite sure she would not mind knowing about your feelings*""

--

This too! What's the harm? Even if she doesn't like you romantically, she clearly loves and/or cares about you. She would still love to be friends after. Nothing would change except that you respected her ability to come to a decision on her own, and that you gave it a shot. You would give her the info, instead of just assuming.

*****

""*Perhaps not tonight*""

--

Pfft yeah. Don't confess when her mum's dying.

*****

"*I hesitated, unsure what to say. Then I lowered my head.

"I should go back to reading that book."*"

--

LMAOOO

*****

"*His body…his body was like mine, but it was so beautiful*"

--

FUCK. FUCK, I LOVE TRANSNESS

*****

""*You don't even realize what you've summoned. Good Lord. You have doomed yourself, my friend.*""

--

Did they think he was in on the supernatural shit before this?

*****

"*The Storyteller left silent as a ghost two nights ago. I woke twice during the night, once because I heard the door, once because a fox screamed outside, almost a sorrowful wail.*"

--

Aw man... The friends part :(.

*****

"Sarah and I spent the day inside, with *her drawing*"

--

Ooh, I was wondering who was drawing those pictures!

*****

""I started falling." Her voice was quiet and shaky. "I fell and fell, deep into a bottomless pit. *And then I woke up.*"" --

I wonder what it means that she dreamt this. Not as in the meaning of it, but as in, does that mean the god can make up dreams for you? And has the power of foresight? And can directly influence what you see/think? (Like straight up make it up fully. Instead of influencing one's thoughts to lean a certain way. It's instead the exact scenario, the exact wording.)

*****

"*On the way I noticed that we had forgotten to bring our laundry inside and some of it had scattered across the yard. Too bad, but nothing terrible - we had all the time in the world to wash it again, after all.*"

--

Aw man. Not realising that this means that the dream was a premonition, and that they are in grave danger. "Oh well, we have all the time in the world to wash it." No you don't. This marks your end. Last night truly was a quiet end of the world.

*****

"With a scream I ran back out of the barn, *leaving the deadman with my face inside.*"

--

OOH. Does he become a crane? When that person later says a strange looking Frankie hung out with the Storyteller, was that even Frankie? Or the crane?

*****

"Diary entry of Sarah *Winston*"

--

Ah, so that’s what her last name was before she took on the name Carlyle! Sarah Carlyle, nee Winston.

*****

"*Something has been wrong for a very long time.*"

--

And it's finally come to a head.

*****

"*Bell Senior's old man says he was quite spooked by the change. Took a crucifix with him every time he delivered the milk. Just in case.*"

--

Dude, she's just some guy :/.

*****

"*Avoided that blue house like the plague. You'd think he saw a ghost there.*"

--

Maybe Frankie didn't come back at all... Maybe it was Sarah...

But they look quite dissimilar! Did she straighten and dye her hair?

*****

"*He had a disagreement with his mother and father one night, just a few days before Sarah passed, packed his things and left.*"

--

Okay so I'm almost certain that it was Sarah who came back, not Frankie. By this time it was already Sarah. Did she have a disagreement with Frankie's parents about pretending to be him?

*****

"*For a while they thought it was his youthful stubbornness that kept him from returning.*"

--

But then why did they think this? Did they truly think she was Frankie? Or were they just saying that's what they thought in order to cover up Sarah's identity whenever somebody asked?

*****

""...It was assumed that during his hot-headed travels, he had simply been robbed and murdered. An old woman was killed in the area just a month later, so it seemed reasonable."

"Oh, what a tragedy." I thought about the night Frankie had described in his diary, the night when he told the Storyteller about the beheaded old woman. *Gramma Margaret.*"

--

Is this the same Margaret that is Sarah's mother? I don't think so. Is this the same old woman who died a month after Sarah went missing (as Frankie)? I don’t think it is, since Gramma Margaret died *before* that happened.

*****

"*I sat at the kitchen table, staring at the singular candle illuminating the house*"

--

Me fr. But also, just like the dream!

*****

"*the Storyteller standing in the doorway*"

--

Just like the dream!

*****

"*"I'll go get the spades if you want me to," the Storyteller said quietly.*"

--

Grrahhh!! He is the crane!!

I wonder if he will come back as a crane supernatural. I wonder if the zombie crane ever existed, or was just an illusion made by the god to foretell Frankie's death.

*****

""Down by the lake." I glanced at the ground beneath me. "There is…there was a willow where we always used to sit and tell each other stories…most of them old stories by the *old blind woman* in whose house we lived. We would tell those stories, or spin new tales out of them, or dream how else they could have ended…the willow fell in the storm.""

--

Okay see, for a sec I wondered previously if the old woman was actually the Storyteller, and they were shapeshifted. But I was like, no. She's not blind (and her eyes were described as milky, not red. At least I think. But the woman on the book cover had red eyes).

But now I'm thinking it may be so? But I didn't know the storyteller could shapeshift into anything besides the human form we see them in and the fox one.

Or maybe it's like with the crocodile. Related to but not the same. Why would the Storyteller be beheaded?

*****

"*"I am sorry," I whispered. "I was going to tell you, but your father made me promise not to say a word. He did not want you to worry."*"

--

Ah, there it is! Thank goodness she found out beforehand!

*****

"*Suzanne laughed; it was a hollow laugh. "Did not want me to worry! He tumbled down the stairs with a sound as if the world was ending, broke almost every bone in his body and he does not want me to worry! Heavens-" She had begun to cry. "Oh doctor. How cruel can one be, for goodness' sake?"*"

--

Literally!!

*****

"*Then, suddenly, Desmond reached for Suzanne's hand and began pleading with her. Her hazel eyes were haunted when she replied to whatever he had said, but he vigorously shook his head and smiled, tears running down his white cheeks.*"

--

Epic suicidal ideation/talking someone down from it moment (might not be what they're actually talking about).

*****

"Arms tightly wrapped around each other [Suzanne and Desmond] stood there in the snow, almost becoming *one singular grotesque silhouette melted together.*"

--

Aro moment. The House Party moment.

*****

"As I looked around the room that had been our bedroom I saw the jar with the two-headed crocodile standing on the windowsill and softly exhaled.

"Will you take it with you?", the Storyteller asked.

"Of course," I replied. It resides on the sill of my childhood bedroom now, the *pale skin* of the animal"

--

Okay, see. I was wondering how this was related to the god. When I first learned of the croc (from the snippet before the story was released) I thought this was the god, in a different form. But the croc is definitely dead, and I don’t think the god can be killed. Plus we see the god later, and the croc never disappears.

Then, I went, "wait! The croc was never actually described as white, so they're unrelated!" But now that is not so.

*****

"*I walked across the damp brown leaves, grabbed the deer by its antlers and shook it until it stared right into my face with one eye from each head. It looked different from this perspective. Surprised…no. Scared.*"

--

Yeah! Kill that bitch, Sarah! Teach it what's what!

*****

"*It did not always feel good, but damn it, it felt strong.*"

--

OUGHFF. Adding this one to the quotes pile!

*****

cracked blue building

--

So it really is her house? I thought she was going to Frankie's house. So is she not impersonating him? But then, why did she take his name?

Maybe she is detransitioning to an old identity that was forced upon her, and not pretending to be Frankie. But since the name she took on was Frank, maybe she swapped deadnames with Frankie when they were choosing their names?

*****

"*The deer is outside again and staring at me. I think it might be crying.*"

--

Ah. So that is why it is here tonight.

*****

"*A fox is wailing out in the field.*"

--

I'm glad they are here during the last night of their friend.

*****

"*I think it's quiet now.*"

--

And so she is dead. But how did the fall occur? Did she call the deer?

*****

"Swiftly, I walked over to it and with hesitation and shaking fingers, reached beneath its shirt. Indeed, there was Sarah's *sweetwater pearl necklace*"

--

!!! She kept it...!!!

*****

"*I realized in shock and horror that the man that had died under my roof was no man at all - it was Sarah I had been treating. All these years she had returned to hiding as what she had always been perceived as*."

--

That is oddly understanding of Ignat.

*****

"What a strange feeling. I believe half of my soul was left back there by the lake, waiting for the other half still flickering in my heart to reunite with it."

--

Waah! She returns to Frankie and her life on the lake!!

*****

"*How do you know that story?*"

--

"I don't want to tell stories. I don't want their lives to be laid out like they're some fascination. A [] for people to ogle at for a while. They were real people, more than some scary ghost. And they deserve privacy.

But. Their stories are being told anyway. I do not want to tell stories about them. But I have to correct them every time I hear them. Let them really be known. Adding to those tall tales."

*****

"*Before you become a deathbed confession or someone else's ghost story*"

--

I like that he acknowledges that he has become wrapped up in this, and that because it would make such a good story, the person who he is writing this to and who is dear to him, Andrew, will most likely also be affected.

*****

"*Author's* Note:

...The author vividly remembers the chill that ran down her spine whenever she saw this person in the now overgrown yard, smiling like a fox baring its teeth."

--

Is this Susan from the second book, "Susan's Hell Sprint"? (Sick ass name btw. Truly one of the titles of all time.)

*****

I wanted to say that I really liked your book, and I can't wait to read the next one! ^_^

Ayyyyyyyyy amazing notes!!!! I had so much fun reading these!!!

Suzanne is actually trans! I tried to drop a couple subtle hints about it but nothing too obvious, such as the childless thing and the deep voice. Also, the moment Desmond and Suzanne talk outside she actually confesses this to him.

As for Sarah and Frankie, they traded names when they came out to each other, and when Sarah returned, she simply took on her old name.

The author isn't actually Susan, though that would've been cool. The author is some random teenager in the 2010s. Susan's Hell Sprint is set in the 1970s :).

[mebiselfandi]

i hope this is not gonna annoy you but i was reading your rant about your writing and i was like😔 because goddd i adore them so much the way you write them characters, dialogues or try to explain how they feel in such situations always make me😞 even when you write smut bc dang do you know how much i reread strawberries and cream (it should be illegal) it just the way you always portray them so beautifully it's crazy (like how did u make c*m eating so sweet i cried and horny everytime i remembered that) also i sent this ask bc i just remember your newest neymessi fic and I'm devastated thinking at the possibility of you deleting that work bc goddd i remember the first time i read it i was crying so hard literally need to weep the tears out so i can read the next paragraph and then after I'm done i was pacinf around my room thinking about the next chapter bc u tagged it as it will be sweeter and how i was just so excited to read that bc if i have to live with the possibility of them just ending like that and not talk it out and have a heavy makeout session after just throw me to the ponds full off crocodiles in florida it would hurts less, you make me so attached to these characters that the possibility of neymar hurting bc leo leaving him after the heart wrenching love confession makes me☹️☹️☹️

i hope you'll find your joy and to not feel pressured to writing again because you have such a talent and i will always be happy to read every works you put, finally just wanted to say so glad to have such a talented writer in this fandom🫶🏼

Hi nonnie👋💕

When I got your ask I was like hm what’s this? Only to be hit straight in the feels with a truckload of bricks. ‘Annoy’ me you say. Something like this could never annoy me. This was legit me reading your ask holding back tears:

Tbh I was in a massive writing slump since like end of April. Idk what happened. I got a lil sad, then sick, then even more sad, then my birthday came up, then I got burnt out, next thing I knew it was June and my writing skills just switched off. Nothing all of May(except that one fic I barely remember writing while sick and fueled purely by spite). So when I wrote the last Neymessi fic, I was like not doing great at all. But idk I felt like I had to write something and the idea had been swimming in my head. But writing too sad fics when you’re already sad just = feeling shit about your work. Plus I felt so bad about writing, I thought it would be my last fic ever.

But I mean now I’m no longer feeling weird about writing and I can see the fic from an objective pov. I made a ton of typos and used the same words like twice in one sentence and just cringe phrasings. I could’ve done it better. However, I managed to write 4000 words when I thought I couldn’t. So I won’t delete it cause I can be at least proud of that fact. Also I’m not a quitter, if I delete the fic, the knowledge will haunt me forever. But I will be writing the second chap and I have ideas.

Now I feel kinda bad about it cause I know I said chap 2 will be sweeter buuuut I think it might still be sad. But only because I wanna write a 3rd chapter which will be sweeter. However keyword is sweeter…not sweet. Uh it’ll be a bittersweet ending cause either way Leo’s still leaving but I could never bring my heart to be entirely miserable like that. So don’t worry, it’ll end wellness 😌 but chap 2 is mostly just gonna be Leo’s pov and thoughts then chap 3 will be them finally talking after we hear what Leo’s thinking.

Also…about strawberries and cream though I logged into my ao3 for the first time a couple weeks yesterday and I was so shocked? Last I checked it was at 400 now it’s almost doubled😭😭 I’m so shook. But I’m glad you liked strawberries and cream. It’s one of my fave fics I wrote too.

You’re so sweet anon🥹🥹 like not to be like annoying about comments or wtv. But it always helps to know there is someone who likes your story and you aren’t just writing to the air. And to know I made you react so strongly to it is insane to me. But seriously, thank you so much for this, I’m legit gonna think of this message whenever I feel like I can’t write🫶

[jodilin65]

I’ve always considered myself an empath but have become less of one the more I see and realize that for the most part, people cause their own problems. Like voting Republican and then crying about lost rights. What do they expect? That’s like teasing a tiger and then bitching about it if it bites.

However, if the journal entries I’ve been editing and publishing from 2014-2015 were written by a total stranger, I would feel SO bad for them. It’s just so much torture both physically and emotionally that I went through! Even after all this time, I’m still angry that I had to suffer so much while the so-called experts blew me off and gave me suggestions that weren’t the least bit helpful in the end. They should have had a much better idea of what was going on with me and provided me with much better solutions rather than being so dismissive or blaming my problems on simply being anxious. Denying other possibilities was totally unprofessional, including that not everyone’s normal is in the so-called normal range of numbers.

I get that we know our bodies better than anyone else and that it’s hard for people to figure out or understand what they’ve never experienced first-hand but that’s still no excuse. They should have had enough info based on others who, like me, experienced the same problems. I was far from alone in what I went through between the medication and menopause.

I almost considered deleting Doc A for a minute after remembering the way she tried to tell me that levothyroxine can’t make you anxious, and that losing weight doesn’t affect your thyroid levels but only the life of the thyroid. How can any doctor say that to a patient?!

Also, the way I had to pry for menopause info or look online as if it’s a taboo subject and something totally unnatural that half the population doesn’t go through was ridiculous. I thought back to Doc C who knew damn well what my age was at the time, yet she never once said a word about menopause or perimenopause.

LOL, I just sent the last few paragraphs to Doc C on Facebook. She probably won’t see it though, as she definitely seems to have abandoned her account. And all because of what? A former patient who wanted to be her friend? Whatever. Her prerogative. It’s been 51 weeks since my last message to her which was actually an accident. It was a flower picture I meant to send someone else.

For the second day in a row, I’m tired because my sleep got broken up. I got up to pee and had trouble falling back asleep. Knowing that this meant I would automatically be tired when I got up, I removed the mouthguard. I was surprised not to find any spikes in oxygen levels after sleeping without it.

My only complaint is that the thing is making my jaw and teeth sore but I confirmed that while it can move teeth and make your jaws sore, it can’t knock your teeth out or anything like that. Hopefully, I’ll get used to it but if I don’t, yet still find it helpful (when thunder isn’t waking me up and I’m able to get back to sleep after I wake up to pee), I’ll ask Rhonda for a referral so I can get one custom made. For now, maybe tomorrow I can get back on with the testing! Part of having trouble sleeping might be my fault. It’s very hard to resist laying down when you’re tired and I might have laid down too much and gone to bed too early. I’ll try not to do that as much throughout the night.

There is some good news and that’s that some of my test results came back and I do not have an infection after all. I’m guessing the yellow discharge is simply the way I am in this day and age. Hormonal changes can cause it but it’s rarely a symptom of cancer so I’m not worried about it since I don’t have any symptoms. Hopefully, she won’t want to do further testing. The urine culture results are still a few days away.

More good news. The bed has been ordered! From Amazon, we have a metal frame that’s 14 inches tall and supports up to 3,000 lbs. The whole ensemble should be about 1,000, though.

I also got a couple of fitted sheets, one in Rio Red that will go with an extra pillowcase we have with red rosebuds on it, and one in Dusty Lavender which can go with an extra plum-colored pillowcase.

From the waterbed store, we got an 8-inch plush waterbed cover with free-flow tubes. It will come with 7 tubes that run the length of the bed and not the width. If I feel the cover is plush enough, I’ll just use an extra fitted sheet for a mattress pad. If not, we have extra plush mattress pads.

Tom will get a sheet of plywood to put on the bed frame since it's not a solid platform. There are gaps between the rails and we don't want to put the waterbed mattress on that. Also, I want to put the soundproofing blanket on top of the plywood and underneath the waterbed because I sometimes still feel and hear bumps and bangs from car doors given how close these houses are.

So now my survey savings account is almost empty! I’m going to get some little things before I save up for anything big again. I want to indulge in some Chinese food and a variety of incense from The Dipper. Then I want to finish the exterior bedroom wall.

Magic straws aren’t so magic. They have these flavored straws for milk and I decided to try the chocolate one but didn’t notice any chocolate taste at all.

Going to make dinner in a bit. A baked potato and chicken wings since I had salmon last night.

My weight is up a couple of pounds after having to raise my TSH a bit but it sure stopped my racy heart. You know how it is for me; it’s either be calm and be fatter or wound up and not as fat. The first choice is definitely more comfortable.

What was that the honker was just looking at? He just honked in and then I saw him step over in front of his lanai and peer between us and Ray at something. A rabbit?

[ladynox]

Responding @myrmidryad here. They asked that I answer 3, 6, 7, and 19 from this writing meme! Didn't realize my asks were turn off. Don't know what pissed me off so much that I turned them off (haha) but they're on again! Sorry about that!

3. What is your writing ritual and why is it cursed? If it’s a solo project: grumble and procrastinate (this is usually when the story gets plotted out b/c it won’t leave me alone so it's getting worked out while I'm working out or working or trying to live my damn life) for weeks, before I finally pour out a few fingers of whiskey and start writing. Honestly it’s about the same if I’m co-writing. Except less procrastinating because @beautifulcheat likes to get stuff down on paper sooner rather than later. I’m not sure I need to explain why this is cursed haha

6. What is your darkest fear about writing? Getting caught in editing fugues. This is actually Reason #2 for why I prefer co-writing. I’m all anxiety and perfectionism. By myself I can get caught up endlessly moving sentences around or rewording things. I'll delete hole paragraphs and re-write scenes. It’s hard to move forward without some nudging. So I guess the short answer would be: I fear that it could always be better.

7. What is your deepest joy about writing? Improving actually! Writing really is an exercise like any other. These last couple of years I've really dusted the cobwebs off. It feels good to realize that plotting is a little easier, that finding the right words isn't as hard as it once was.

Also... there's Reason # 1 for why I like co-writing so much. I like writing stuff that makes Kat laugh or keyboard smash or yell out a character’s name in amused frustration. And she likes it when she can get those reactions out of me. Writing together is so damn entertaining because, first and foremost, we’re trying to entertain each other. We can smooth everything else out during edits.

19. Tell me a story about your writing journey. When did you start? Why did you start? Were there bumps along the way? Where are you now and where are you going? I’ve been telling stories since I was really young. Like I’d tell stories with stick figures in comics format using sheets of construction paper and crayons. At some point I stopped committing the stories to paper and didn’t start up again until I was a teenager. That's when I started filling notebooks with bad Mary Sue Sailor Moon fic. 😅 I transitioned to Gundam Wing and Digimon fic (by then I had a computer) then it was sort of on and off after that. Dropped a couple ficlets into fandoms here and there but never could stick with it. Didn’t write anything at all for like 7 or 8 years. Still always creating stories in my head, never writing anything down. Then I stumbled upon a dumb alien cowboy telenovela. These brain worms are mighty I have to tell you. They got me writing again. Hoping I can actually stick with it this time around. It’s really fun. Thanks for the ask!

[callsignbaphomet]

10 Qs!

Tagged by @lordfenric (tysm!)

1. Do you have an OC that’s basically a version of yourself?

I....do actually. I've said it a couple of times and then I get embarrassed and then delete the post. Anyway, he's a version of myself AND a version of myself I wish I was. Ya know, my ideal self. He also filled another role which I haven't had the need to put to use as hard in a very long time which is a good thing I think. He's grown, evolved, matured as I have. Any changes to him are pretty much things I've changed about myself. Basically he'll always be a WIP because I'm one too.

2. What is your favorite type of scene to write?

Ooh! Many scenes! Fight scenes are super fun! Love me a good gun fight. I think I like more dramatic and emotionally charged scenes. I think I'm pretty good at those and suspense filled scenes. Not to be mistaken for horror though.

I know it wasn't part of the question but my least favorite are sex scenes only because I am HORRIBLY TERRIBLE at them. For real. I've tried my hand at it numerous times but it sounds disingenuous and like I'm trying way too hard. I really suck at them. Got a bunch of half finished files of n///sfw stuff that I never finished because I just think I did a terrible job at it. Maybe I'll upload 'em for a laugh one of these days.

3. Do you write cliffhangers?

No. I don't like them. I think they're like jump scares in horror movies. Just cheap ways to get the reader's attention.

If I ever leave a chapter on a cliffhanger it was not intentional. Much less would I leave a story on a cliffhanger.

4. One word or phrase that you think you overuse (but probably don’t):

I overuse the word however way too much. Probably another one but can't recall at the moment.

5. Least favorite thing about writing?

Editing. Gods above I haaaaaaaate editing. Mainly for two reasons: I always think the sentence/paragraph/chapter coulda been better executed. Second reason is I waste a shit ton of time second guessing my choices in words. Listen, you don't need to tell me my vocabulary is at kindergarten level. I KNOW it is. Most times I feel like shit about it and waste even more time with the browser on dictionary.com looking for synonyms for words to replace them with so it doesn't look like a 5-year-old just tried to write a weird espionage (idk C called what I'm writing that and it's stuck ever since).

6. How much prepwork do you do before writing if any? (outline, scene breakdown etc)

Far

Too

Much

I overthink it to death.

I have my plot, characters, locations and everything that goes into it. To the point of what weapons everyone will be using and why. I take a crash course on the locations, the culture, languages, take an unnerving amount of screenshots on Google Earth. Check stores and hours of business. Traffic, population, day to day activity. Check the history of the location and a refresher on what happened in the years where the story takes place. Find ways to translate the local language. Weapons! I check their history, when they were made, if they're still in service, what ammo, they're strengths and flaws, manufacturers. Same goes for the gear they wear. Why are the antagonists there. What do they want and how do they get it and how can they succeed. Should they succeed? Should they fail? Why? What motives they have. What the history and origin of the mythological creature(s) are involved is.

Take all I just said and triple the amount of work if I make up a town or city for the sake of storytelling.

Tl;dr a lot.

7. Do you use any visuals to help you with writing? If so, what?

Nowadays I have to. I don't know, I think my brain is broken or something and I can't concentrate like I used to. I can see and hear the scene in my head like a movie and I can repeat it as many times as needed but as soon as my fingers touch the keyboard I draw a blank and lose direction. I've actually resorted to doing storyboards of scenes and rough sketches of buildings so I know where to go, why and what for. I've turned all my sketchbooks into storyboards.

If there's hand to hand fighting or with bladed weapons I watch some videos on YouTube or wherever I find them and write down what I see and later edit it well.

If I was any good at it Legion would be a comic instead but I'm no good at it. So I gotta resort to writing and even then I heavily question my ability to do so. I know I'll get something written and finished someday but boy is it frustrating.

8. Is there magic or new technology in your WIP? How did you come up with it?

Yes. Both but mostly magic. I'm kinda working on implementing more technology. I do also combine both magic and technology. One example is a small sphere made of plastic that can easily break. Place it in your mouth and bite into it. Inside is a light pink mist that feels like a warm liquid (also minty sensation) that travels through your body. It's a combination of adrenaline, pain killer and healing aid. Won't magically mend broken bones, remove bullets or revive the dead but it'll help in ugly situations. There's also laser weapons that run on crystals. So long as the crystal has energy you got ammo then just recharge the crystal and you're good to go. There's some more tech but that's for another time.

The only magic I've made up for this is Astral magic and its counterpart and it's been a bitch trying to balance it out but I've gotten there.

Portals are also a thing I added in.

Honestly I really wanted to add magic. There's supernatural stuff in it anyway so might as well go all the way. I just come up with these out of wanting it there or to fill a role.

9. What are you currently reading?

Nothing. With my attention span I'm lucky to get to the third page. Last book I bought is still in a drawer gathering dust. Was a Tom Clancy I believe.

10. What would you like to see more of in Fantasy novels?

Wouldn't be fair to make demands for a thing I don't partake in now would it. Don't read anymore honestly.

Tagging: no one but if ya wanna give this a go then go right ahead.

[fountainsofsilver]

Super big thank you to @c-s-stars and Anon for your support on Patreon this month! I have just posted Chapter Eight of An Unexpected Return for you there. <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

Thanks to their support and the engagement of my followers on Tumblr and AO3, you’ve unlocked 50 paragraphs of Jackdaw on AO3. <3

Here’s the breakdown:

Patreon/Ko-Fi support = 23 paragraphs on AO3 + 1 chapter on Patreon

New followers on Tumblr & AO3 = 17 paragraphs on AO3

Comment/Reblog engagement = 10 paragraphs on AO3

WHY??? do I do it this way?

I’ve been writing fanfiction for YEARS before coming on Tumblr and sharing my work. The first story I posted got loads of comments, support, reblogs, and every other kind of love. I felt very encouraged to continue sharing. The second story didn’t get nearly so much attention so I reblogged several times. Still nothing like the first. The third story got a lot of likes, a handful of comments, and a couple of reblogs, but it was even less than the second story. Fourth story got a lot of likes and a couple of reblogs and comments. Far less than any of the previous ones. With each story I got half or less engagement than the previous.

I all but lost the will to keep writing. 

Keep in mind, I had written for 15+ years before this with only one of my best friends as feedback and never, not once felt the urge to quit, but after about 6 months on Tumblr I was drained of motivation. Then I got a critical message on AO3 complaining about the rate I was releasing new work and demanding more. I realized immediately that I hadn’t lost the will to write, but I for damn sure was losing the will to share. I deleted everything I’d written on AO3 and Tumblr at that point and decided I was going to start over in a way that worked for me.

I regularly saw posts and reblogs from writers asking, pleading, demanding, and even threatening to quit writing if they didn’t start getting some engagement from the readers they knew were there. I decided there has got to be a better way, a way where I still feel motivated to write and a lack of engagement didn’t demoralize me, but where those who supported me and encouraged me would still get the stories.

So I came up with a formula for releasing content that I am comfortable with: one where those who like can send me a tip on Patreon or Ko-Fi and get regular story updates, but also one where people who can’t afford to or don’t want to pay still get content on AO3 for free by following me, reblogging my stories, and/or leaving pleasant comments. Since starting this way I feel much more motivated to write and so very appreciative of the support I am receiving.

THANK YOU for all of your support and encouragement this last month! <3

XOXO,

Fountains Of Silver

*goes back to writing*

[mrtroy]

Not Getting Married

This is not the typical kind of post you see on social media. It’s probably the type of post that a lot of people don’t think should be shared in social media. But, I think it’s important to share.

--

Recently I was clearing out the old boarding passes from my phone. When I fly, I like to use the electronic boarding passes instead of the paper ones. I always seem to have a lot in my hands when I travel, and I figure it’s one less thing to carry if I have the boarding pass on my phone. It had been a while since I had deleted old passes, and the last time I flew I had to thumb through a lot of old ones to find my current one. So, I decided to delete a bunch of them.

Most of the old passes were from work trips I’ve taken in the last few years. A bunch to and from Albuquerque, a handful to and from Nashville, LAX, Salt Lake City, Dallas, Orlando, Detroit Boston, LaGuardia… I’m one of those ‘have computer, will travel’ kind of guys for work.

For personal travel, I had a handful for Phoenix, New Orleans, Dallas again, a few different ones in California and Florida. The Fort Lauderdale connection to Havana, Cuba made me smile thinking back on that amazing trip.

All in all, I probably deleted maybe 80 passes. Most of them had the familiar blue, red and yellow logo of Southwest Airlines up at the top. A handful of others on American, a few United, and one random one on SunCountry Airlines. Side note – At this point, I wouldn’t recommend flying SunCountry. It’s a newer, small regional carrier based in Minnesota. I was up there doing research at a plant in New Ulm, Minnesota. The town is great. The company I was working with was extremely welcoming. I stayed at the nicest Best Western Hotel maybe anywhere in the country��� But I wouldn’t recommend SunCountry…

Double side note, if you want to learn more about New Ulm, Minnesota, Renee Zellweger starred in a 2009 movie called New in Town where she played an executive going into a plant in New Ulm to do some work. Y’all maybe can relate to Bridget Jones’ Diary where Renee became your spirit sister, but if I had to have a Renee Zellweger-connection movie, it’s definitely New in Town… Don’t judge…

Anyway, I made it through all of these boarding passes, and the last one at the bottom of the digital ‘pile’ was a white one with red lettering. Austrian Airlines. December 16th, 2015.

Ah yes, that one.

That trip had only been 40 hours long. O’Hare to Vienna. I took a backpack, two pairs of socks and underwear, and an engagement ring.

For the previous four months, I had been working on a secret plan to fly to Vienna, surprise my girlfriend with a romantic marriage proposal in a forest at the top of a hill that overlooked the city, and then fly home together for Christmas a day later.

It was all very storybook.

I worked with her friends to plan all the details. They setup this whole elaborate surprise, I showed up, looked like an absolute hero, popped the question, got the answer I was looking for, got an amazing collection of pictures in the process, and flew home a day later with a new fiancée in the airplane seat beside me.

Other than the day my brother got married, it was easily the best day of my life up to that point.

Many of my family and friends that will read this blog remember one of the pictures that was shared all over social media from the engagement. I’m on one knee in fading daylight, she’s under an umbrella in a misty rain; we were barely more than silhouettes against a wooded backdrop. Fairy tale stuff, for sure.

Except, the fairy tale didn’t play out the way fairy tales normally end.

We never got married. We never made it to the church. Or the reception hall. Or the honeymoon.

So far, there definitely hasn’t been a happily ever after, either.

These are not usually the stories you share on social media.  

--

I didn’t know it at the time, but I wasn’t ready to get married, yet. I thought I was. I wanted to be. But I wasn’t.

A friend asked me in text message the other day if I could pinpoint why I thought things went south with the engagement?

It was the type of simple, straightforward question that can be very hard to answer.

I thought about it, but never could quite articulate an answer in reply to the text.

Thinking about it more since then, I think the answer lies somewhere in between ignorance and immaturity.

Up until you get engaged and try to get married, the entire concept is just an idea. Depending on other experiences in your life with friends, family members or stories portrayed in the media, you may have an idea of what you think getting married will be like, but it’s one of those things that until you’re there, in the moment with your person, it’s hard to know what you’re going to face along the way.

--

I brainstorm and sell ideas for a living. After beginning to date and after I realized I cared enough about my girlfriend to consider spending the rest of my life with her, my imagination started to kick into gear. I started to plan the big elaborate engagement. I began to think about taking trips, raising kids, maybe living in another country… My mind has a flare for the dramatic, and everything about getting married lent itself quite well to my inclination for over-the-top dreaming.

Now, I fully advocate for over-the-top dreaming, but at least for me, I don’t think it was the right time to indulge in that kind of exercise. Not to say you can’t do it, but I did it at the expense of other very important preparations that – as it turned out – proved costly when I didn’t do them.

It’s easy to overvalue GETTING married rather than correctly valuing the steps you need to take to ensure you can STAY married. Wedding days can feel like finish lines with all the steps that go into planning one, but in reality, you wake up the next day and realize that you may have hit a very important checkpoint in your relationship, but in the grand scheme of the metaphorical race that a marriage relationship is, you’re a lot closer to the starting line than the finish line when you first tie the knot.

That last paragraph is pretty cliché. This next one is not.

Dating and a period of engagement is not about making plans. Dating and engagement is about learning how to honor your significant other.

Learning how to honor? What does that even mean?

First of all, it means getting to know them as well as you possibly can. Providing an environment where they are free to express and be themselves with the highest level of comfort, safety and freedom possible. It means respecting the process of sharing more of themselves with you. It means learning the ways they like to be treated, and practicing what treating them that way looks like on your end. It means learning how to reciprocate those behaviors between the two of you. It means learning how to let them speak up when you hurt them. It means learning how to apologize when you hurt them and the fine art of letting them know they hurt you without hurting them in retaliation.

Essentially, it means learning how to love them and helping them learn how to love you back.

After getting engaged, my fiancée and I tried to do this as a couple. We participated in a class that taught a lot of the principles I listed above. We read books, and that’s where the principle of ‘Learning to Honor’ came from.

Unfortunately, I didn’t learn. Or, maybe more accurately, throughout the process of trying to learn together, my fiancée and I weren’t able to effectively create an environment that resembled something that worked well for each of us.

She had things that were important to her that she communicated very clearly that she hoped I would be able to execute as the other participant in the relationship. And I didn’t execute them very well.

I had things that I hoped she would be able to bring for me, and for us, and we couldn’t figure out how to make that come together in harmony.

We worked at it. But more so than not, it didn’t work.

Many times, my mind was somewhere down the road, looking for the next big thing. I was great at being Mr. Flashy – the guy with the big ideas, the extravagant setups, and overly romantic gestures. But I wasn’t consistent. I wasn’t dependable. I didn’t do the things that we had talked about as being the most important things that my partner valued out of a partner.

And so, while I was able to plan a big international surprise engagement and dream up an engagement ring with an elaborate meaning behind it that could make many a woman’s heart flutter, none of that was actually the most valuable to my partner in the long run.

My advice to anyone who’s either engaged, or dating and thinking about getting engaged is as follows:

Don’t put the value in the plans you’re making for the short term. Yes, weddings are important, and they do require planning, but don’t just plan your wedding, work on learning how to honor your partner so that you can have a great life together – not just a great wedding together.

Embrace the idea that it’s okay to be boring.

People hear boring when it comes to relationships, and they turn their nose up in disgust. You think of boring when it comes to dating, and it’s a non-starter for a lot of people. Who would want to date or spend time with a boring person?

But boring doesn’t mean uninteresting. Boring doesn’t mean a lack of spontaneity. In this context, it means reliable. Consistent. Dependable. Day in and day out, doing the things that you said you were going to do.

Over time, these are the things that build trust It’s hard to envision wanting to be boring, but after a while, there is comfort in knowing that someone will be there for you, no matter what. To have the peace of mind that no matter the circumstance, that person is reliable and dependable and is going to react in a loving way, no matter what.

Man, I can’t wait until a woman can confidently say that about me.

--

Not getting married, as it has turned out, has been a huge blessing for me.

I thought I was ready for the commitment that comes along with marriage, but I wasn’t. Or, at least with the person I was engaged to, I wasn’t.

She was – and still is – a wonderful person, but collectively, we couldn’t figure out a way to honor each other in a way that worked for both of us.

Some people hear about, or see that you’re no longer engaged and they always offer their condolences and tell you how sorry they are. I understand the sentiment, but I’m not sorry. Sure, I wish that I would have handled things with more grace; I wish things wouldn’t have gone the way they did… I never intended for the things to happen that led to a broken engagement.

But, they did happen.

And when tough things happen, all you can really do is learn from the experiences you’ve had, and then… wait. Wait for another chance. Wait for another opportunity. Wait for another person that appreciates the things that make you, ‘you.’ And when you find someone like that, make the choice every day to love them the way they want to be loved as best you can.  

In the meantime, I’m trying to be as boring as possible. As in trying to be better at the little things that build trust over time. If that means to do that as a single person, great.

I’ve tried to get better at keeping up with laundry, keeping the house clean, making my bed more consistently, being on time for social engagements, etc. If I can do more of these things well, for myself as a single person, then I feel like I have a better chance doing the bigger things well the next time I’m in a long-term relationship.

And so, here I am, three years later, with a lot more frequent flyer miles under my belt and hopefully a few more boarding passes in my future. For two years or so, there were twinges of pain in the realization that one of the coolest things that ever happened in my life – flying to Europe for less than 48 hours to propose – ended without the fairy tale ending. But, it is something that happened. It’s a part of my story, and it’s something I can use to build my own bank of experiences to draw from in the future to hopefully not repeat the same mistakes over again.

And, I can share my stories with others.

If you’ve been down the road of a broken engagement, or are thinking about getting engaged, think about what it means to learn to honor a significant other. Pray for the opportunity to get to do that. Be intentional. Be confident. And be kind.

It’ll be worth it.

[fakestatus]

Best Electric Scooter in Hyderabad | Pure Ev

PURENERGY acronym stands for Power Using Renewable Energy and faithful its name ever since its genesis at IIT Hyderabad, the corporate has focused on enabling transition to sustainable energy sources etrance plus. Energy storage technology has been a key area of experience for the corporate . 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If you are doing not accept as true with this Privacy Policy, then such you shall not be authorized to use / access / browse the web site .     This Privacy Policy is published in compliance with, inter alia:   (a)Section 43A of the knowledge Technology Act, 2000;   (b) Rule 4 of the knowledge Technology (Reasonable Security Practices and Procedures and Sensitive Personal Data or Information) Rules, 2011; and   (c)Rule 3(1) of the knowledge Technology (Intermediaries Guidelines) Rules, 2011. 1. GENERAL By using / accessing / browsing the web site or by otherwise giving us your Information (as defined hereunder), you confirm that you simply have the capacity to enter into a legally binding contract which you've got read, understood and agreed to the practices and policies outlined during this Privacy Policy and our Terms (together the Agreement). You hereby consent to our collection, use, sharing, and disclosure of your Information as described during this Privacy Policy. Change to the present Privacy Policy   PuR Energy is committed to suits the extant applicable laws of India. PuR Energy reserves the proper to amend, modify, add, delete or remove any portion of this Privacy Policy as needed under any applicable law or if required to reinforce and improve the Users’ experience of its Website. Usage of your Information shall be governed by the last updated or revised Privacy Policy which shall be available on the web site . Your continued use / access / browsing of the web site or otherwise providing us your Information after any such amendment or modification signifies your acceptance to such amendment or modification high-speed electric scooter. If you are doing not accept as true with this Privacy Policy at any time, partially or as an entire , you'll not use / access / browse the web site or provide us with any of your Information.   2. 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The following Information, could also be collected by us:   (a) Your full name, date of birth, contact details, email address, physical address, financial information (credit card / open-end credit number, expiration date, CVV number, banking details, billing information, payment history, etc.), permanent account number (PAN), Aadhar number, passport copy, telephone / electricity bill copy and the other related information / data; (b) Details of your company or organisation, including but not limited to, name and address, goods and repair tax number (GSTIN), permanent account number (PAN), copy of cancelled cheque for bank verification, latest tax returns, financial statements, memorandum or articles of association, details of directors, rental / lease agreements, insurance details, telephone / electricity bill copy, so on then forth (paragraph 2.1 (a) and a couple of .1 (b) being collectively mentioned as Personal Information); (c) Information which refers to chose population characteristics including age, gender and current geographical location details (Demographic Information); For more details please visit our website:  https://pureev.in/

[ryadel]

Codelobster IDE - Free PHP, HTML, CSS, JavaScript editor - Review

If you are a seasoned developer, you most likely already know what an IDE is: however, for the sake of those readers who never touched a single line of code, we'll briefly summarize the concept.  In computing, IDE is an acronym for Integrated Development Environment: in a nutshell, a software application that provides comprehensive facilities to computer programmers for software development. A standard IDE normally consists of three major elements: a source code editor, a build engine (or equivalent building automation tools), and a debugger. Most modern IDEs have also other cool features, such as intelligent code completion mechanisms (IntelliSense), shortcuts, syntax highlighting, and other cool add-ons to ease the overall experience of their developers. In this post we'll talk about one of the most interesting - yet underestimated - IDE released in the latest few years: Codelobster, a portable, multi-platform development environment made for PHP yet also supporting HTML, CSS and JavaScript languages. As developers, we went through a full test-drive - from installation to coding and, last but not least, building.

Multi-Platform approach

A good IDE has to be multi-platform and Codelobster makes no exceptions: both the free and professional editions come with native Windows, MacOS and Linux binaries: for this review we used the screenshots of the Windows port, however we also tried the Linux build which offered the same look and feel and overall experience.

Installing

Installing Codelobester is just as easy as any other software: you just have to visit the official download page from the Codelobster website and pick the version you want to try: Codelobster IDE - the free edition, with all the basic features active and no expiration time. Codelobster Professional - the shareware edition with additional features, plugins and add-ons. We'll compare the two edition's features later on. For the purpose of this test-drive, we just picked up the Codelobster IDE free edition 1.5.1, released on February 28, 2019, which was the latest version at the time of writing. The installation wizard is pretty standard, you'll just have to accept the End-User Agreement and hit Next a couple times. You'll also get the chance to choose which File Types to open with Codelobster (the suggested extensions are .php, .js, .php5, .inc, .xml, .xsl and .module), the color scheme to use and the components/features you want to use:

The setup wizard will also install the Microsoft Visual C++ 2015 Redristibutable package, unless it's already present on the system.

Main Window

Once the installed ends, the wizard will give you the chance to immediately run Codelobster. After you hit YES, the main window of the IDE will appear in all its glory:

As we can see, the main GUI is splitted in multiple sections. In the topmost section there's a standard Menu, followed by some customizable Toolbars. In the left panel we have a standard File Explorer, which can be used to visually browse the code files to open and their folders: such files can be found within the local FileSystem or custom FTP/SFTP servers that we can connect to. The Explorer window can be switched out for a series of other project-related panels (Structure, Class View, Project, SQL) using the tabs placed just below the panel. The center panel is where the Text Editor will open, as soon as a file has been selected (or created with the File > New menu option). In the right panel we can see a series of other useful tabs (Index, Dynamic Help, Properties, Map) which we can use to access contextual info about our project. In the bottom panel we have the "standard" ouput, search result and debug/call stack windows, as expected by any modern IDE GUI. The overall look and feel loosely reminds us the most recent installments of Visual Studio / Visual Studio Code, which is indeed a good thing! This could be great to attract the typical ASP.NET developer, who could have issues in using Visual Studio or Visual Studio Code when working with PHP as both the Microsoft IDEs don't natively support that language.

Text Editor

One of the most defining things of any IDE undoubtely is the Text Editor, which is where most of the developer work takes place. Codelobster's text editor is natively packed out with the following features: Powerful Syntax Highlighting: it highlights the syntax and gives hints for tags, functions and their parameters, even with files that contain mixed content (HTML + PHP + CSS). Auto-Completion function, which greatly speeds up the programmer's work and minimizes the chances of coding errors and typos. Highly Customizable interface with several visual styles. Portable mode - you'll be able to bring your IDE everywhere using any USB pendrive. File comparison tool (WinMerge-alike) Web Browser Preview (with any browser) File Explorer with complete file and folder editing capabilities (new, edit, delete) Code formatting tools (professional version only) Advanced search & replace features with full special characters and Regular Expressions support. Search & replace in files and folders, even recursively. Auto indent Visible spaces, paragraphs and tabs. Extended text selection and deletion Full Unicode support and multiple encoding conversions Line sorting with a wide range of options Bookmarks SQL management tools (professional version only) Version Control integration with SVN, Git and Mercurial HG support (professional version only) 1-Click Contextual Help for all supported programming languages: the help database uses the most up to date documentation for each supported language by downloading it from official sites.

Debugger

The built-in PHP debugger allows you to execute PHP scripts step by step, moving through the lines of code using the standard F5 (debug) - F10 (step over) - F11 (step into) function keys: the GUI allows the developer to assign breakpoints and monitor the values of all variables using the Locals and Watch windows (bottom panel) during the execution of the script. We tested the debugger, together with the text editor, against one of our biggest PHP project - the Myst.it website, which features more than 150.000 lines of PHP code splitted between ~ 20.000 files. The debugger worked really well, giving our best developers a nice experience: we're talking about experienced guys used to work with Visual Studio and PHP Tools, therefore they know what a good GUI and development IDE actually are... however, they were really happy and positively surprised by the Codelobster environment and had no issue in working with it.

Version Control

The professional version of CodeLobster IDE supports the following Version Control Systems: Git SVN (PHP Edition only) Mercurial (PHP Edition only) We tried to configure Git without significative issues. The first thing to do is to configure the Git executable path:

Right after that, the Git commands features will appear on the File Explorer contextual menu, accessible by right-clicking on any file or folder:

Most of the SCM preferences can be configured in the Tools > Preferences > IDE > HotKeys > VCS:

Additional Features

Here are some useful function which got our attention, as they cannot be found in most IDEs: Pair highlighting of parentheses and tags : the text editor will instantly notice (and warn you) if there are missing opening or closing parentheses/tags. Highlighting and collapsing of blocks, selections and code snippets: another great feature of Visual Studio, which we gladly found here as well. Code Validator for PHP, HTML and CSS which identifies syntax errors in expressions, declarations and cycles (PHP), as well as names/attribute errors (HTML, CSS): sadly, this feature is now available only on the professional version. Full Internalization Support, with 17 user interface languages including: English, German, Russian, Spanish, French, Italian and others.

Supported Systems

The program works on the following operation systems: Windows 7, Windows 8, Windows 10, Mac OS, Linux, Ubuntu, Fedora, Debian.

Compare Editions

Here's the full features breakdown of the Free Version compared to the Professional Version, taken from the official site. Abilities Free Version Professional version HTML editor V V HTML code inspector V V CSS editor V V JavaScript editor V V PHP editor V V PHP debugger V V Advanced features Free Version Professional version FTP/SFTP support - V SQL manager - V Version Control Systems - V Code validator - V Code snippets - V Code formatting - V SASS and LESS - V Split Window, Compare - V Node.js support - V Other: sorting, converting - V Additional plug-ins Free Version Professional version

 AngularJS plug-in - V

 BackboneJS plug-in - V

 Bootstrap plug-in - V

 CakePHP plug-in - V

 CodeIgniter plug-in - V

 Drupal plug-in - V

 EmberJS plug-in - V

 JQuery plug-in - V

 Joomla plug-in - V

 Laravel plug-in - V

 Magento plug-in - V

 MeteorJS plug-in - V

 Phalcon plug-in - V

 Smarty plug-in - V

 Symfony+Twig plug-ins - V

 VueJS plug-in - V

 WordPress plug-in - V

 Yii plug-in - V

Conclusion

Codelobster IDE really impressed us for its nice set of features, the user-friendly GUI and the sleek window design, which is clearly inspired from other top-grade IDEs. Given all this, we can only recommend it: the free edition itself is good enough for small-to-medium PHP/HTML projects, while the professional version might be a good choice if you need the advanced features or the language-specific plugins.   Read the full article

[sincerelybluevase]

My fanfic writing progress

Thought you guys might want to see how I write my fanfics, so I’ve made screenshots during the writing of ‘Lips Touch, chapter 13′. Enjoy :)

Step 1 First, I think of a situation. For this chapter, I was looking for a situation that could have been canon, and that included a kiss between Doctor Turner and Sister Bernadette that was not on the mouth. We have seen Doctor T giving Shelagh a kiss on the forehead a couple of times, and I thought this could be good starting point. However, since my last two chapters had Patrick initiating the kiss, I now wanted one with Sister Bernadette. For this to work, I realised that Doctor T probably had to be ill or asleep, because I could not see Sister B give this type of kiss in any other situation (after all, a kiss to the forehead is a definite sign of affection and seems to be calming, too). I opted for the latter, meaning I now have a rudimentary idea of what’s going to be in this fic.

Step 2

I was at work and thought of some lines I wanted to put in this chapter. As soon as I got home, I opened a new document, saved it under this title, wrote the A/N note, and got the lines down. This allows me to focus on the story and let these lines ‘go’, giving me more head space.

Step 3

I then make a list with bullet points. This list contains the most important parts of the ‘plot’, as well as certain thoughts that need to be explored. This list functions as a kind of map, helping me when I am lost. I plot most of my scenes (also non fanfic) like this, because it prevents me from aimless rambling that I would have to delete. I sometimes plot parts that I won’t use, but this is not as bad as writing entire paragraphs that I won’t use, since a few bullet points take less time.

Step 4

Now the writing starts in earnest. You can see that it is not always a straight process: sometimes you write A-B-C, sometimes you write A-C and realise you need to add a B between those two. Sometimes, I leave sentences half-finished in my haste to write other sentences. This is alright; if it happens in the same sitting, I’ll remember what I intended to write. If not, it will give me a little hold to start writing during the next sitting ( I usually take one to two days to write the first draft, writing one or two or three paragraphs before taking a little break).

Step 5

Step 5 is basically just writing and writing, joining all loose paragraphs till they form a coherent whole.

Step 6 I take a break after writing the first draft, preferably of a couple of hours (or I’ll call it a night). This allows me to reread with a fresh mind.

Step 7 Time to reread! I do this to get all the errors out (grammar, syntax, spelling, but also plot and continuation). I usually reread twice or even three times, also depending on the amount of tweaks I make.

Step 8 Share with the world via Tumblr and FF.

Hope this was somehow informative. Let me guys know what your writing process is, I’m always looking for new ideas and more effective methods!

[fakestatus]

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