#the kneejerk impulse will probably never go away

[mister13eyond]

honestly i love this stupid kirby meme for the dumbest reason:

which is that "i want to dead" has lodged itself as permanent echolalia in my brain, so when i'm Spiraling it becomes the despair mantra my mind is chanting, which like

WOULD be harrowing, but i keep picturing this sad little low poly kirby saying it and i'm just patting his angular little head like "i know kirby, i know, but the horrors persist and so must my juicy ass"

[ramblings-of-a-mad-cat]

What do you think of Camila? Do you think she’s a good mom to Luz? I’ve seen her getting a lot of hate recently especially after Yesterday’s lie’

Ah, an Owl House ask! Thank you so much for this, anon!

Camila is an absolute sweetheart. Anyone who works in Veterinary medicine earns my respect for the intelligence and hard work that takes, as well as the kindness in their heart. Speaking as the kind of person who would also set animals free from traps, I relate to Camila and respect her considerably. However, being a good person and being a good parent are two different conversations. I can understand why people may have been critical of her during Season 1, what with her seemingly trying to make Luz change herself and forcing her to attend that camp. Still, even in S1, I thought to myself that she was an imperfect parent but that she was truly trying her best, just that she was going about things the wrong way. I never got the sense that she felt anything but love for her daughter. Still, my theory after the finale was that Luz was never going to return to the human realm, simply because the Boiling Isles understood her better and accepted her so quickly. But the inclusion of those letters and of "Creepy Luz" made it clear that we weren't finished with Camila, that she would appear in the future. Hey, come to think of it...the letters never got explained, did they? Based on the flashbacks we saw, Vee's impersonation began as an accident, but the letters from "Luz" would suggest that this was more premeditated. So either Vee is lying about what happened, which she would have no reason to do anymore...or there's something else going on here, another player in this game. This could be unrelated and unimportant, but did anyone notice how the second parent in that family photo had their face obscured? I wonder...

Never mind that for now. As of the most recent episode? I don't see how anyone can hate Camila People are entitled to feel however they do about the characters, but I've seen how swift the turnaround was about Vee, and I was the same way. She is baby and must be protected. But you know who's agreed to protect her and take her in, and been generally wonderful about having her entire life and worldview upended? Camila. She's such a human character and she's not perfect, but she's kind. Even in the beginning of this episode, it was shown that the stark shift in "Luz's" personality was troubling her, and when she thought everything was a trick, she was relieved to see that Luz was "being creative again." So she never wanted to squash her daughter's imagination, just make sure she would be able to function in society. Whether she went about it the right way is open for debate, but it is clearer than ever that she was just trying to look out for her. I have to commend Camila for how she handled everything that she learned. Saw a literal monster and her response was perfect. She recognized, as a mother and as a veterinarian, that this was a vulnerable child who needed rescuing, who needed acceptance. And that's exactly what she gave. She didn't recoil in fear or disgust. She didn't act betrayed or hold Vee accountable for the deception. All of which, Vee was probably expecting. But no, Camila was a damn hero, saving and then adopting her.

Through all this, she's grappling with the understanding that demons and other worlds are real. But that's not even the biggest bomb that's been dropped on her. The child that she thought was Luz for these past few months was actually an impostor, a different child. And Luz herself has for all intents and purposes, been missing. Trapped in another world full of magic and demons. I'd imagine that Camila's feeling a fair bit of guilt right now. Any parent in her position would be wondering why they failed to recognize the disguise, how their own daughter could have gone missing for months without her noticing. She's probably going to beat herself up for all this, for a while yet to come. And that's not even getting into the reveal that the end. That Luz came to the Boiling Isles deliberately. I wonder if there are fans who took issue with the line "Was living with me so terrible?" Because it guilts Luz, a kid who's known for her imagination, for simply wanting to see a fantasy land. I'm sure Luz feels even worse about all this now. And I agree, Camila shouldn't have said that. But it was her kneejerk reaction, her immediate question. She shouldn't have said it, but I don't blame her for feeling that way, for wondering that very question. For feeling a little abandoned. She probably feels like she drove Luz away by limiting her creative impulses. But it's far from being that simple. Luz didn't feel accepted in the human realm, and Camila was basically the one thing she even had that tied her there. Camila was the reason that Luz was even bothering to try and go home.

This is a tragic situation that's unfolding and it breaks my heart, but I don't think anyone is at fault here. Luz and Camila are both so very human. They're good people with weaknesses and flaws, suffering from an impossible situation. I am glad, more than anything, that Camila knows the truth now. And that she's supportive of Luz, even if she was hurt by the knowledge that Luz left on purpose. (Seriously, I think the way she handled the Vee situation tells us everything we need to know about her.) I suppose something else that people might take issue with is her extracting that promise from Luz that when she makes it home, that she'll stay. That's one hell of a position to put Luz in, considering the life that she's build in the Boiling Isles. But here's the thing. Camila doesn't really know about all that. We don't see most of the exposition relay that Luz gives her. So there's no reason to assume that Camila knows about Luz attending school and training to become a witch. That she has best friends, that she has a girlfriend now. And honestly, even if she does know about this...it's still her daughter, who's only led this life for a few months. Wouldn't you have done the same? Wouldn't any parent in that situation just want their child back? Camila is responding to emotion in this scene and I don't blame her for asking what she asked of Luz, though again, it's still a problem. In fact, I once again worry what this will mean for the future, because I'm willing to bet that this promise will come up again. And play a role in how the series ends. Luz might have to say a permanent farewell to her friends in the Boiling Isles because she feels obligated to keep this promise. Or, she might elect not to return to the human realm or to stop trying...because she knows that if she succeeds, she'll have to stay there. Technically, she only promised to stay if she made it back, after all. Either way, I foresee heartbreak.

[cablesscutie]

34. “I just want to be there for you.” Zutara, For the fluff prompt list please ☺️

Hello!! You sent me this a very long time ago and then my brain was bad and ground to a screeching halt, but I have been thinking about it this whole time! And now my brain has finally allowed me to make words again these past few weeks, so here it is:

PART 1 \\ PART 2

Even after seeing pictures of Zuko convinces Katara to tentatively agree to Ty Lee’s hairbrained scheme, she still tells herself that she has time to bail. If she really decides that she doesn’t need a date after all, she can just cancel on him and tell Aang her date had food poisoning or something. If worst comes to worst, she can claim that she has food poisoning too and escape the entire mortifying ordeal altogether. Zuko is just an option.

This is the constant refrain in her mind week after week as the date of the wedding approaches, and Katara gets somehow less enthusiastic about it with each passing day. She thinks it as she lets Suki shove her into a fitting room, laden with figure-hugging dresses. She thinks it as she scrolls quickly past Instagram posts counting down the days, politely liking them faster than she can process the sight of fairy lights and mason jars. She thinks it as she impulsively adds a leg waxing to her bi-monthly spa day with Toph. Zuko is just an option.

Just an option with arms that look like they would feel strong and secure around her, and a shy smile, and who’s sweet and playful with kids. Katara lets out a long, frustrated groan and presses her forehead to her desk, rolling it back and forth in a futile attempt to rub out the impending headache of a Friday afternoon. A moment later, she hears the telltale rattle of Suki’s office chair, and then her friend is rolling to a stop beside her.

“You good?” she asks, brushing aside Katara’s hair so she can see her face.

“No,” she sighs, annoyed.

“Is it the rehearsal dinner? Because if you don’t want to go, I can just say you got held late at work.”

“No, no. That’ll be...fine, probably. It’s this whole wedding date thing.”

“Oh do not tell me you’re still being all wishy-washy about it.”

“It just feels like a weird thing to do! I’m just going to show up at my ex’s wedding with this random dude? How will that look?”

“Um, probably like you’ve moved on? Which you have. Objectively. You even had a whole other relationship.”

“Really? Because I think it’ll look like I’m jealous and trying not to be.”

Suki fixes her with disbelieving eyebrows and a laugh. “Trust me, babe. Nobody is going to think that you’re the one that left that relationship pining. You were basically his mom. If this was Jet’s wedding...eh, maybe? But you tend to settle.”

Katara isn’t quite sure if Suki is trying to insult her or compliment her with that statement, and she isn’t sure if her kneejerk, “Hey!” is out of a desire to defend her judgement, or her past partners’ character. Regardless, she doesn’t have much after that to refute the point. Aang seems like a functional enough adult now, a few years out of college, but when they had dated, the “teen” in his nineteen years definitely showed. As for Jet, her much more recent cut, he was...vibing.

“Hon, you’re gonna be fine. I’ve heard Ty Lee and Mai talk about Zuko before, and he sounds like a decent guy. At worst, you have a meh date and escape some social awkwardness, but-” the upward tilt of Suki’s voice had Katara on edge, knowing what was coming next.

“Please, no -”

“- it could be good.”

“No, it can’t be.”

“Ty Lee seems really confident about you two, and you know she’s got a creepy good love radar. After all, she’s the one who convinced me not to block your brother when he slid into my DM’s. Even you told me to block him.”

“She does not have love radar. I love her, but the girl is an unstoppable meddler; she was bound to have a hit once,” Katara dismisses. It’s true that Sokka and Suki are adorable now, and perhaps evidence of the existence of soulmates, but Katara maintains that Ty Lee is a hopeless romantic who believes anything could be the start of an epic love story.

“Fine, be a cynic then. But you’ve already acknowledged that he’s hot, so just go to the wedding with him, and maybe finally rebound from Jet.”

“Hmm,” Katara hums noncommittally.

She’s something of a serial monogamist. She’d left her first real relationship with Aang intending on a summer fling to cleanse her palate before going back for her senior year. After a whirlwind month with the mature and worldly Jiang, she’d been looking into online classes, all but ready to move onto her houseboat and sail away into the sunset. Until Suki pointed out that it was an insane plan, and the ultimately parted ways as planned when Jiang set out to sea again. From there, she had fallen in with Jet as a friend with benefits to blow off steam through her last year without leaving herself open to distraction.

He wasn’t the kind of stable presence she could see herself settling down with, but wasn’t looking to be babied either. No, Jet was more of a feral creature. He knew he was dysfunctional and was fine with it, because function was the system and the system was bogus. Then, she got to know him, and realized that he kept people at a distance for much the same reason she was always pulling them too close. Suddenly, she had grand dreams of showing him the healing power of love, and both of them breaking free of their pain, never needing to fear being alone ever again. He cheated on her, and even as she was shouting at him, she’d known deep down that they had both just repeated their same bad habits all over again.

Now, there is Zuko. Zuko, with tragedy in his scarred eye, and sadness in his smile, but gentle hands on little legs resting on his shoulders. Katara thinks she could make many bad habits out of Zuko, and she is not too proud to admit that it terrifies her. Her stomach turns, and she thinks it might not even be a lie by the time she tells Zuko she’s suddenly too sick to attend the wedding.

The nausea gets worse at the rehearsal dinner, when she walks in to find Jet there, grinning at a bridesmaid. Suki hauls her over to Aang to give him a dressing-down for inviting him, and Katara is somehow reminded in the span of five minutes why she is extremely glad to be rid of both of them.

“I didn’t think it would be a problem!” Aang says, his usual defense. “And he is my friend - we go rock climbing together.”

“Small world,” Suki snarls, and Aang goes wide-eyed, leaning around her to look beseechingly at Katara.

“I swear, I didn’t think you were avoiding each other! After all, we’re exes, and it’s my wedding, but that’s not weird. So I figured you wouldn’t have a problem being in the same room as your other ex.”

Katara grits her teeth behind glossy lips that she forces into a smile, and despite Suki’s murder eyes and the voice in her head telling her not to - to swallow her embarrassment and tell the truth - she finds herself falling back on those old bad habits. “It’s okay, Aang. You had good intentions. We can be adults for one day.”

“Thank you so much Katara,” Aang gushes, lunging forward to wrap her in a hug that pins her arms briefly to her sides. “You’re the best!”

Suki shakes her head in disappointment as he bounds away. “You made your bed,” she reminds Katara. “Guess now you have to decide who to lie in it with.” She glides away to join Sokka at the bar, leaving Katara standing dazed and confused.

“Katara, hey,” an all too familiar voice greets her almost immediately after, and Katara closes her eyes. Suki totally hung her out to dry, and she can’t even be that mad because she’s right.

“Jet,” she says evenly, turning to face him. This shouldn’t be hard for her. While she doesn’t forgive him, she’s also very over him and understands that she’s an idiot for not making Aang ask him to leave. “How are you?”

“Not bad, not bad,” he says, bobbing his head. His clothes are formal but rumpled by disdain for their formality, an effect which once had a liquifying effect on Katara’s insides, but now just feels rude. “I was actually coming over to ask you the same thing,” he says, as though it is a profound inquiry and not the root of all small talk. She opens her mouth to offer a brusque reply and make an excuse to join Sokka and Suki at their table, but he knocks the wind out of her sails with his next words. “Ex’s wedding and all. Brutal.” He gives her a look that she is all to familiar with: his I-see-your-pain look. It was another thing about him that used to push all the right buttons on her, but now she just feels insulted at the presumption that she needs or wants his pity.

“Aang is actually a very dear friend,” she says, trying to sound as impenetrably chipper as possible. “Like a little brother.”

Jet is not deterred, leaning closer to her, his hand just brushing her elbow. “I feel bad about how things ended between us,” he says softly. “I should’ve done better by you.” Katara is momentarily stunned. Is she actually getting a sincere apology? “Which is why I think we should go to the wedding together. I just want to be there for you.”

It’s like a bucket of cold water down her spine, dousing both the fire of her anger and the tiny kindling warmth in her stomach. Katara pulls her shoulders back, straightening her spine, and snaps, “I already have someone to be there for me.”

Jet blinks and rears back a little. “Alright. I’ll, uh. Be looking forward to meeting them then.”

As he slinks away, she feels a moment of deep satisfaction. Only to nearly aspirate her sip of wine as she realizes she has officially painted herself into a corner. Zuko is coming to this wedding.

Thank you! If anyone wants to send me a line or prompt (from this list or your brain) I'll keep it going!

[your-good-pal-chevy]

ok because im thinking about it now im just going to rattle off some thoughts i have about daki as a character

obviously massive spoilers for the entertainment district arc and also i am anime only

the first thing that comes to mind is how gyutaro and muzan both consider her to be an idiot. like, gyutaro routinely insults her intelligence and muzan is openly disdainful of her for being stupid. and yeah, she’s clearly an airhead and prone to acting on impulse.

gyutaro is also an idiot who acts on impulse as a great deal of his choices are either kneejerk reactions to keep his sister safe or just him lashing out at people over his own insecurities. gyutaro isn’t any smarter than daki, he’s just quite good at reducing people he doesn’t like to paste.

but because daki is the female character involved and isn’t as good at fighting she gets the brunt of the insults and doesn’t even really defend herself most of the time. it’s a little fucked up.

second thing i’m thinking about is how (ignoring the fact that she is a fictional character designed by a man) her entire outfit is probably based on what she (as someone who never got to grow past being 13 years old mentally due to becoming a demon) thinks a beautiful and sexy oiran would dress like. this is admittedly a flimsy justification for why she walks around with her tits out 24/7 when she’s not pretending to be human.

third thing i’m thinking about is that daki takes the time to pretend to be a human. i’m pretty sure gyutaro doesn’t do that, since he seems to only show up when daki is in danger. it seemed a little unclear whether he was like, living inside her shadow (which has implications but i dont much want to think about those right now) or if he was somewhere else and simply teleported to her when needed. maybe that’s cleared up in the manga.

the important takeaway is that daki didn’t choose to become a demon, she doesn’t shun human society even if she’s come to see herself as being above humans. she wants to be loved by society. other demons we’ve seen have largely been solitary creatures, prone to living away from other people and even other demons for the most part. cooperation between demons seems to be pretty rare.

daki however relishes in living alongside humans, either to toy with them or simply to enjoy the status of being a popular oiran. what she gets up to when she’s not eating people is probably just regular oiran stuff.

i could think of a fourth thing but this is getting pretty long and it’s mostly for my own benefit. i might #Examine this more closely in the future. idk.

[musicprincess655]

Atsushi is covered with dog hair, soaked to the bone, and his ribs ache from laughing.

His shifts with Kyouka do that to him. She’s not particularly funny, but something about trying to wrestle a wiggling dog through a bath sends Atsushi into fits of giggles, and the warmth in Kyouka’s eyes every time he laughs like that is enough for him to keep the habit.

“I’m home!” Atsushi calls as he enters the bunker. The doors are reasonably soundproof, but the bunker has started to feel like a home to Atsushi, and he’s used to announcing himself when walking into his home. Atsushi makes his way back to the shared bathroom, stripping his wet clothes off as he goes. It seems like no one is home, so a towel will do for a run back to the room.

When Atsushi steps out of the shower, he expects the hallway to be just as empty as it was when he went in. Dazai in the hallway makes him jump.

“Hello, Atsushi-kun!” Dazai waves. Atsushi takes in his position, squatting against the wall as if he were sitting in a chair. Atsushi doesn’t want to know. He, in fact, knows better than to ask.

“Dazai-san, what are you doing?” he asks. He’s still wrapped in just a towel. He’s exhausted.

“New suicide method,” Dazai says. “I read it in one of the books we stole a while back and I’ve been thinking about trying it out ever since.”

“Why are wall sits a suicide method?” Atsushi asks.

“Wall sits?”

“They used to make us do them at the orphanage when we broke the rules,” Atsushi says. Sometimes his thighs still burn from the memory. “They’re hard on your legs, but I don’t know how they would kill you.”

Dazai considers him for a moment, and then he pounds his fist in his hand.

“This wasn’t a suicide book!” he exclaims. “It was a torture book.”

Atsushi is exhausted.

“Why would you try to kill yourself now?” Atsushi asks. He grabs Dazai’s hand when Dazai reaches out and pulls him to his unsteady feet.

“Chuuya had some business on the other side of the West Block, and he’s most of my impulse control.”

“Please never explain your relationship to me.”

“Well, now that I’ve failed to kill myself yet again, can I get you some tea?” Dazai asks. “This place gets too quiet when everyone leaves.”

Atsushi is once again suddenly aware that he’s only wearing a towel.

“Let me get dressed first.”

When Atsushi steps into Dazai and Chuuya’s room with a quiet pardon the intrusion, now appropriately clothed, Dazai is doing his level best to burn everything to the ground.

“You don’t need the heat that high to make it boil!” Atsushi says, shooing Dazai away from the stove and instead turning the burner down to a reasonable level, one that isn’t threatening to lick the walls. “Is this another suicide thing?”

“Chuuya makes it look easy,” Dazai pouts. “He never lets me do anything. Except chop vegetables. With supervision.”

Atsushi has a new appreciation for Chuuya’s patience. He’ll never call Chuuya short-tempered again.

“You’re not much for cooking?” Atsushi asks.

“Never really learned,” Dazai says. “I didn’t have much of a reason to before I left No. 6, and once I was out here, there wasn’t much occasion.”

“I keep forgetting you grew up in No. 6,” Atsushi says. “And you knew Fukuzawa-san. What happened?”

“It’s kind of a long story,” Dazai says. Atsushi waves his hand at the kettle. They’ve got time. “Well, as we’ve discussed, I had limited tolerance for my guardian. He was fine, I guess, but I was a rebellious teenager with parents that didn’t want me around. If I’m fair, I was a nightmare.”

Atsushi can see that. Dazai’s a bit of a nightmare now.

“So you used to hang around the detective agency?” Atsushi asks.

“Fukuzawa-sensei taught me the tricks of the trade,” Dazai says. “It was just him and Ranpo-san back then. They found Yosano right before I left.”

“You left?”

“Was taken. Semantics.” Dazai shrugs, like it’s no big deal. “Like I said, I was rebellious. My parents were No. 6 officials, really high up. They didn’t have much time for a kid, but they decided they should have one anyway. Something something do our duty something. Mori-san is a distant relative, so he looked after me. But as you can imagine, the perfect outlet for me was poking at No. 6’s secrets.”

“Oh no,” Atsushi says, because he suddenly understands very well what happened to Dazai.

“Oh yes,” Dazai says. “I have to admit, I’m surprised they were able to list me as a suicide victim. I figured they’d say I was executed for crimes against No. 6. Then again, maybe my history preceded me. If it had been suicide, it wouldn’t have been my first attempt.”

“Really?”

“Like I said. I wasn’t an easy kid.” Dazai sighs. “Anyway, they dragged me to the Correctional Facility, threw me in with Chuuya, gave my parents the chance to get me out, they refused to sacrifice their positions in No. 6 for me, Chuuya and I escaped, and the rest is history.”

Atsushi freezes, because there is so much to unpack there that he doesn’t even know where to start, much less the fact that he’s pretty sure the rest is not just history. It takes him through pouring hot water over teabags to decide where he wants to start.

“Why was Chuuya-san in there?” he asks. Dazai leans in, tea clutched between his hands, a conspiratorial look on his face.

“Chuuya was a science experiment,” Dazai says. “They were trying to figure out enhancements. I’m not sure what they were trying to do with him specifically, but what ended up happening was superhuman strength.”

“How superhuman?” Atsushi asks.

“I know you’ve seen him pick up things around here,” Dazai says. Atsushi nods. They’d been moving some furniture around in the room he shares with the Akutagawa siblings, and he’d gone to offer to help Chuuya lift a bookcase. Chuuya had done it on his own, easily, without looking like he was doing more than picking up a book. “That’s not even a fraction of his strength. He could probably punch down the wall around No. 6 if he set his mind to it.”

Dazai and Chuuya have quite the backstory. But they’re not the only ones here who do.

“Akutagawa and Gin, what happened to them?” Atsushi asks. He knows it has to have been something. Akutagawa showed up in a typhoon, shot and running from No. 6. Gin has burn scars on her back. Atsushi has seen her pull up her shirt to put ice on them on particularly bad days. He’s not sure how the two are connected.

“No. 6 killed their whole village,” Dazai says. “I don’t know why, and the two of them were too young to remember. All we know is, No. 6 went into their forest and burned it down, and as far as we know, those two are the only ones that survived.”

“And No. 6 hunted them down for it,” Atsushi says. Dazai nods.

“Gin managed to make it out of No. 6, and we found her,” he says. “Akutagawa wasn’t so lucky. They took him to the Correctional Facility for a few months for testing.”

“Just long enough to implant a tracking chip in him,” Atsushi says.

“We got that out as soon as we found him,” Dazai says. “And all’s well that ends well, as they say.”

“What could one village have that threatened No. 6 enough for them to burn it down?” Atsushi muses, more to himself than to Dazai.

“That’s the question, isn’t it?” Dazai says. “Why? The siblings were too young to remember much about the people they grew up with, and they spent years on the run before they were finally free. If they knew anything, they’ve forgotten it by now. So what was in that village that meant it had to be torched?”

“It was outside No. 6, right?” Atsushi asks.

“Far enough away that No. 6 still hasn’t expanded enough to take that land in,” Dazai confirms. “As far as the siblings remember, and as far as we can tell, the village never interacted with No. 6.”

“Maybe they weren’t a threat,” Atsushi says. “Maybe No. 6 wanted something they had.”

“An interesting theory, and one we can’t pursue,” Dazai says. “There’s no records to be found.”

That makes sense, even if Atsushi’s sense of curiosity keeps turning the new information over and over, looking for new connections.

“No wonder Akutagawa hates No. 6 so much,” he finally says. “No wonder he’s so angry.”

Understanding Akutagawa isn’t a comfortable feeling. Sympathy is even less so.

But with a story like that, it’s almost no wonder that Akutagawa sees the world as cruel, as a place where the right to live must be taken. Akutagawa has spent his whole life fighting for his survival, and it might be easier for him to see the world as a zero-sum game. Maybe admitting that what happened to him was horrific, was cruel and unusual, maybe that hurts worse than just thinking this is how the world must be.

“He’s actually gotten a little better about that temper since we found him,” Dazai says. “I really did think I was going to end up having to kill him in his sleep.”

“Isn’t that a little extreme?”

“He’s angry, and when his anger takes over his mind, he gets reckless,” Dazai says. “That makes him dangerous. He was a threat to us all. That was what I thought then, and it’s what I thought until recently.”

“What happened recently?”

“Well, you, first of all.” Atsushi must be making one hell of a face, because Dazai laughs. “You didn’t inspire some change of heart in him, that’s not what I meant. Akutagawa…well, he has his shortcomings, but he’s got a good brain in that head of his. His kneejerk emotional reaction might be violence, but if he can override that, he’s good at thinking on his feet, and he’s good at a support role.”

“And I make him override that emotional response?” Atsushi is pretty sure he causes that response half the time.

“Akutagawa is someone who needs an emergency brake,” Dazai says. “Gin works a little bit, but she’s nearly as angry as him. And Chuuya enables them both, but they probably need someone like him. I can admit Chuuya is better at dealing with Akutagawa than I’ve ever been.”

“An emergency brake?” Atsushi asks.

“You make him think twice,” Dazai says. “Especially since you can take point enough for him to step back and think, but also because you challenge him. And that deal you two made? If killing as an option is taken off the table, he really does have to use his head. It was a stroke of brilliance. I never would have taken you for such a manipulative person, Atsushi-kun.”

“Isn’t that a little bit of the pot calling the kettle black?” Atsushi asks. Dazai is the last person he wants calling him manipulative.

“The pot happens to be right,” Dazai says. “I’m not trying to insult you. I’m trying to say the two of you are good for each other when you’re not trying to kill each other. Maybe even when you are. It’s good to have someone who challenges you, right?”

“I guess,” Atsushi says.

That sympathy for Akutagawa squeezes in his chest again. Even though the boy Akutagawa used to be is long gone, Atsushi still remembers the vulnerable look in those too-big eyes all those years ago. There was a time they could look at each other without fighting, and Atsushi is old enough to recognize that most of the fights they’ve had in the last month are fights he’s picked. Akutagawa largely leaves him alone, and it’s getting harder and harder for Atsushi to convince himself he still hates Akutagawa.

It’s very nearly like they’re friends, although Atsushi has never had a friendship like this.

“Oi, Dazai, what trouble did you get in while I was gone?” Chuuya is back, throwing the heavy door open easily. “Oh, Nakajima. What are you doing here?”

“We’re having tea,” Dazai says, holding up his mug to demonstrate. Chuuya turns to Atsushi.

“Did he try to burn the place down again?” he asks.

“I took over the kettle,” Atsushi says diplomatically. He respects Dazai, but not enough to save him from whatever wrath Chuuya has for him.

“Good man,” Chuuya says. “Clear out so I can kick my shitty husband’s ass.”

“You’re abusive,” Dazai whines. “I didn’t even get in any trouble today.”

“Likely story. Get over here.”

“No!”

Atsushi ducks out. He’s almost certain that was foreplay, somehow. He really never wants either of them to explain their relationship to him.

“Oi, Jinko.”

Atsushi might still be caught up in his conversation with Dazai, but rather than the automatic response he usually has to Akutagawa, this time, he actually stops to listen.

Akutagawa throws a piece of paper at him.

“Your dad says he’s glad you’re alive,” Akutagawa says. Atsushi unfurls the paper with shaking hands to see familiar handwriting.

“You told Fukuzawa-san I’m here?” he asks, voice gone high and breathy.

“It’s not that big a deal,” Akutagawa scoffs. “I wanted his help with something. That’s all.”

Atsushi lets that go, because this is a kindness from Akutagawa, and he doesn’t know how he’s supposed to keep up their dynamic when Akutagawa can be kind, when Akutagawa inspires sympathy, when Akutagawa is human.

“Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it.” Akutagawa turns, and Atsushi swears his cheeks have flushed a little from the acknowledgement. “Do you think Gin will make stew tonight if we ask?”

Atsushi follows Akutagawa inside, already preparing to help him wear Gin down by asking.

[kvltprince]

I know nothing about Lucy and Gage... I think I could tell them apart in your art? But I'm bad at this game. On that note, you know how there are stories about your childhood that take on mythic significance? Maybe it was an awesome acheivement/coincidence, maybe an adrenaliney thrill rush brush with death kinda thing, maybe just something that took on significance larger than whatever actually happened? What are Lucy and Gage's foundational myths?

Thank you for the ask! I am actually really thinking on this beyond the automatic response here. 

Gage is the pretty one, Lucy insists. 

For anyone who Doesn’t Go Here: Lucy is my OC with a partial backstory borrowed from the Grandchester Mystery Mansion location in the Nuka World expansion of Fallout 4. I’m really impressed that I have kept him through so long and his moody middle aged ass might stay around in some form or another for good. I really need a Full Bio but I still haven’t. Porter Gage is the raider companion from the same expansion (and in this house we love Porter Gage. I’m serious don’t speak ill of him just to be a dick, I see y'all out there never actually bothering to get to know his character just because he is a raider, anyway.)

So, Gage left his parent’s farm/home settlement when he was 12 or so when he got fed up seeing that no-one was going to do anything about the raiders taking what they wanted. He wasn’t a stupid kid, observation skills might get sharper with experience but they were obviously there when he was young. He realized that his parents couldn’t, and wouldn’t, stand up to the raiders and he was not staying around to see it any more, there wasn’t any safety so what was the point anyway, right? That does something to a person let alone a kid that is perceptive and smart enough to realize it to that extent, so there was no way he could have stayed around just to get shot by a raider, regardless of his parent’s reasoning.  Doing Something is better than doing Nothing. I kindof headcanon him doing shitty caravan work for the pack animal feeding and care for the odd-jobs that no-one wants to do for the really shitty far off routes in the southern wastes. Staying in the settlements between that have any larger farms doing the same stupid hard work he was doing at first until he was a year or two older to actually do running work for real. He made it work, and eventually became a raider himself because the same shit always happens, raiders show up, everyone hands shit over (and decades and several gangs later second in command no less while nearly running things really but we don’t talk about that and its fine cos he is the pretty one). His perceptiveness and general smarts is really evident though, even if it is somewhat unconventional ways, and he really would rather go in guns blazing if it is a viable option, because hes ultimately an impulsive shit. He has things planned out 5 steps ahead (probably to partially combat that impulsiveness) and if anyone taught him how to play chess it would be horrible. A lot of people think Gage is stupid because he has the charisma of a mirelurk at first, but he really isn’t (and he is adorable you just need to let him not be anxious that you are going to get him killed by the raider gangs, get to know people before you judge who they are in a game, its a game not the real world, there’s a story to unfold).

that got away from me a little bit.

Lucy the kneejerk is probably Traumatic Childhood, and while that might be true to an extent and it is an important thing to his general story, I suspect that the real times in his life that are really foundational more than that, that are single events, are right after he was institutionalized after the ah, timely death, of his parents. He was able to then get help for his mental health that his parents were neglecting, and making worse (on purpose? Atom knows). That isn’t to say that all of it was fixed, or much of it if you ask some people (sorry settlers, not really), but it mirrors Gage’s “Oh, it doesn’t have to be like this.” with a different intensity and a lot more confusion. He came out of it a new man (I’m funny, sometimes), and deemed stable enough for military service, because we all know the Fallout government would pretend like everything is fine. He isn’t fine, but they needed bodies. He is a bit less fine now, too. He doesn’t use explosives much, after Alaska and his leg, and hands them off to Gage who is very good about throwing them far enough away (and loudly announces using them, very considerate, and loves blowing up everything anyway and will nuke a bloatfly if he has space)

Lucy still likes his sugar bombs and fancy Nuka Colas even though he did not grow up with them, old fart (not really but he is older than Nuka Cola by quite a bit).