#the kids have an actual physical fight over food in an early issue

[snowberriesromanoff]

I am so close to filtering Wayne family adventures posting tbh

[butchyeons]

THE 3MIX FIC… ITS SOOO GOOD 😭😭😭 i really love the au and was wondering.. do you have any picture references on how they look / how you imagine them in the fic? or any hcs? i’m starving for more knowledge on them… 🤍🤍

omg tysm!!! i have sm to say abt this au ah. Ah!!!! i don’t have any picture references but as for hcs in general, here’s some

general stuff:

najeong are in their mid 30s (old to them) and jihyo just turned 30 (old to her)

jihyo is a traveling nurse (obv), jeongyeon is the head foreman of a construction company, and nayeon used to be an elementary teacher before her accident

najeong are high school sweethearts who got married pretty early (their early 20s) while nayeon was still in college. they both just kinda knew they were the one. and then when jihyo showed up, they knew she was also the one

they love each other so much it’s stupid

ok i’ll put the rest under a read more bc this post will probably be super long bc i rlly have. so much to say abt this au it’s crazy!!!! i rlly love the three of them so bad

jihyo:

as for appearances, i guess she’s like… imagine the futchest picture if jihyo ever but take away the boobs LMAO she hasn’t had surgery (she wants it, but it’s just a lot of recovery time) yet. she’s gotten some ffs, which was A Lot on her so she’s nervous abt doing anything else

she’s the shortest of the three- which pisses her off but najeong loves it abt her

she is on the autism spectrum just undiagnosed

she has a lot of sensory issues, esp when it comes to food or clothing

she has a weighted blanket that she uses a lot- she brings it with her when she has to go out on call. she doesn’t need it at home bc nayeon and jeongyeon always cuddle her while she sleeps so she’s good

her love language is touch! she’s almost always attached to najeong when she’s home. it’s shocking to her how much she loves physical contact with them, because she was mostly touch repulsed before they got together

her favorite food ever is kimchi stew (more specifically the one nayeon makes), so they eat it a lot while she’s home

she loves her job a lot even if it’s stressful sometimes. she had always wanted to be a nurse and to work with kids, so she loves getting to do it. she has a rlly strong desire to help people

she doesn’t talk to her family much anymore. sometimes her parents will message her to check in. they don’t even know about her relationship with najeong- and jihyo probably won’t ever tell them

she doesn’t experience a lot of dysphoria anymore. at first, she really did. but over the years it’s gone away- najeong take such good care of her and reassure her so much that it helped her a lot. she’s doing the best mentally that she has been in a really long time thanks to those two

she was much more femme when she first met najeong. but over time she became a futch- the clothes are just more comfortable. najeong don’t hold her to a single expectation when it comes to how she presents, so she doesn’t hold herself to one anymore either

she chose to take estrogen shots over pills because they were weekly. the pills were daily and she knew she might not always remember to take them. nayeon helps her with them now. jihyo isn’t scared of needles by any means, but she really appreciates having someone there with her. sometimes jeongyeon is there too, but her work schedule has her out of the house early so she’s not there all the time (as much as she wishes she could be)

jeongyeon:

she’s the tallest of the three. she has short hair- short on the sides but kinda long on the top (nayeon actually cuts it for her!). her skin is also pretty tan from working outside all the time. she’s also got a lot of scars from where she’s accidentally hurt herself at work LMAO she can be kinda clumsy. she’s got a stocky build, but it’s mostly muscle. she likes her tummy fat though. she calls herself a little bear

nahyo have to Fight her to put on sunscreen. she insists she doesn’t need it but they still force her to put it on every morning

she bathes like a man. uses bar soap on her damn face with no skincare routine. used to use two in one shampoo/conditioner before she met jihyo. but of course she’s the one with the best skin out of all of them

she likes to tease and play around a lot but it’s her way of showing she loves them

her love language is acts of service. she does most of the heavier tasks around the house. jihyo helps, too, but it’s mostly jeongyeon. she refuses to let nayeon lift a finger most days- and she was like that long before the accident. she can be that way with jihyo, too- but jihyo is so stubborn and will do shit even if jeongyeon insists she can do it

she runs hot. her body is so warm and she sweats so damn much that she has to take two showers a day (which is probably why, despite everything, her skin is so clear)

she secretly has been wondering about going on t. she’s always struggled with feeling a disconnect to her body (nahyo knows this), and she thinks being on testosterone would alleviate some of that. she’s perfectly okay with getting called masculine terms- in fact she kind of prefers them. her gender rlly is just butch, and she takes a lot of pride in it. but testosterone rlly appeals to her. this might get explored in a future fic!!

she’s never shaved a day in her life LMAO and that will probably never change. nahyo loves it about her. she has a natural happy trail

she can be bad about bottling her emotions up. usually she’s the “strongest” of the three- she rarely cries, and when she does it gets the other two worked up. her biggest flaw is that she struggles with communication sometimes. she doesn’t like being too vulnerable, but she’s working on it

she went to trade school right out of high school- she couldn’t afford college, plus she’s always liked working with her hands. she loves her job even if it’s hard. she has a lot of energy despite how much she uses every day

she wants to seem so tough and scary but rlly she’s a giant softie. only for her girls though. but she also isn’t afraid to get physical with anyone who threatens them. in high school she spent a lot of time in detention because she would get into fights over nayeon so often

nayeon:

i’d say she looks closest to how she did during more & more if you just added a few years of age on her, lmao. she keeps her hair at her shoulders. she looks good for her age though! a lot of people mistake her for being the youngest of the three

she’s partially disabled due to the accident. she’s actually on a form of disability because of it. she can’t stand for long periods of time without being in pain- her leg was broken so bad that they were even considering removing it if the surgeries didn’t go well. it basically had to be rebuilt. she still struggles a bit with mobility, especially standing up. sometimes she has to use a cane. her joints bother her when it rains, and she takes meds for it

she’s really scared of driving now. even though the accident wasn’t her fault and nothing could have been done to stop it, she’s still scared. so she stays home a lot. when she gets exceptionally stir crazy, the three of them will go out to the park that’s down the road from their house. since she’s still scared of cars, she only goes out if jeongyeon or jihyo is driving- after a lot of convincing

she’s been diagnosed with ptsd because of it, and she struggles with it sometimes. she has nightmares about it a lot

jeonghyo love to spoil her omfg. jihyo especially buys her a lot of gifts (jeongyeon lowkey hates gifts, but she shows her love in a lot of other ways). she is literally their princess- and she can be a spoiled brat but they adore that about her

she’s been considering doing online teaching again. since she recovered, she spends a lot of time at the house. she usually does the basic tasks- laundry, light cleaning, cooking. she’s the self proclaimed housewife and she really loves it! but she rlly misses teaching a lot

her love language is words of affirmation. she is very communicative, always telling jeonghyo just how much she loves and cares about them.

her meds make her a heavy sleeper. she nods off a lot without meaning to.

she was actually the one who noticed jihyo first. she had her eyes on her the entire night- kept talking about her to jeongyeon. they’d never done anything like it before, but when they saw jihyo, they knew they couldn’t let her leave without saying something. and we all know how that worked out

she loves singing. oftentimes she’s singing or humming to herself. she has a rlly pretty voice, and jeonghyo love to listen to her sing

she would actually love to have kids, but she never could. her and jeongyeon actually did try in vitro, but it ended as a miscarriage- which was how she found out she couldn’t have kids. it was hard for her. jeongyeon even offered to try and carry- but nayeon knew she didn’t want to, and didn’t want to put her through that. they’ve talked about adoption a few times. jihyo is up for it, but with her job it would be hard for her to always be present in their kids life. plus since nayeon’s accident, it would be even more difficult for her to raise a baby. now that they’re older, it’s more of a passing fun thought. for now, they’d love to get a dog or cat (which might also be a future fic)

ok phew i’ll cool it for now. i have nsfw hcs of them too LMAO so if you’re interested in that too just lmk and i’ll make another post. tysm for asking about this, i’m rlly attached to this au already and i’d love to talk about it more!! i’m sure i’ll write more for them in the future

[angrenwen]

"If this van has a fault its that it bears the unfortunate affliction that all lightly used white utility vans have in that the combination of an utter lack of branding features and the large dent/scrape I accidentally put on it while trying to escape a Denny's last Thanksgiving means that this vehicle is one addition of a Badly Spray-Painted "FREE CANDY" on the side away from being the sort of vehicle you see in an edgy horror movie.

It's got the same issue that Doberman Dogs have where they look like the sort of creature that likes to snack on toddler's faces whilst actually having personalities made of marshmallow fluff. This vehicle is unnecessarily menacing and I think nothing short of an airbrushed Epic Van Wizard will correct this. People see this van pull up and lean over and squint suspiciously at me when the driver's side door opens, and then look moderately confused when, instead of Charles Manson, a small, potato-shaped creature with neon purple hair and a statistically unlikely assortment of dogs emerges.

My own two dogs, Herschel the Hanukkah Goblin/Corgi and Charleston Chew The Taco Dumpster Dog, Do Not Like The Van. Even with the bed in it, they have a tendency to slide and roll around in the back, and both WILL chew through dog saftey belts or other attempts to secure them in there.

On the other hand, my house mate's dog, an exceptionally tall standard poodle whom we lovingly call "The Creature", loves the Van because SHE wears her doggy seat-belt with only mild complaining and gets to sit up in the passenger seat like A People.

Also like A People, The Creature likes to stand and walk around on her hind legs. It doesn't hurt her and it's entirely voluntary, but every so often I will feel a hand on my arm and instead of my husband or friend, it's a canine that's taller than I am on her hind legs who wants to stare at my face with soulful, concerned eyes. The Creature's favorite thing is that she is exactly the right height for me to hold her arm in Genteel Fashion and walk around the pet food or hardware store with her like I'm a count escorting a debutante around a royal ball.

---

As it stands, I am set to inherit this vehicle whenever my Honda gives up the ghost, and I fully intend to paint an Epic Van Wizard on it when that time comes.

The other peculiarity of The Van is that while Dad did manage to successfully install all his after-market electronics, not all the electronics get along. Sometimes, they fight for Dominance. The Terabyte Music Player and the Backup Camera have a particularly contentious relationship, and turning on the music has about a 25% chance of turning on the backup camera as well, and turning on the Backup Camera is equally likely to turn on the music.

Firthermore, The Van has a favorite song.

I am not kidding that Dad filled an entire terabyte hard drive with music and the software to sort it via the radio controls, but of all the Early Boomer Dad Rock (Kingston Trio over The Eagles) and Irish Folk and Symphonies and the entire discography of Weird Al Yankovic, The Van's favorite song- The one it picks to play as victory music every time it beats the Backup Camera at their weird electronic game of rock-paper-scissors -is The Liberty Bell March by John Phillip Sousa.

You all know this song already.

...but in case you've forgotten the tune:

Yeah.

The Van's favorite song is the goddamn Monty Python's Flying Circus Theme Music.

It does not play this song at a normal volume.

Every time I turn on the Backup Camera and it manages to turn the music player on as well, The Van insists on absolutely blasting this nonsense on at the maximum volume it's physically capable of producing, which I know is loud enough to be heard from the Denver International Airport's Pickup zone when they Van decided to start playing it from the economy lot about half a mile away.

Perhaps it's The Van's way of honoring the aesthetic sensibilities and sonic enthusiasm of Mr. Sousa.

...I can't help but wonder if the purpose of an Epic Van Wizard is to control this sort of faerie-like malarkey, and channel these chaotic energies into things like Spell of Don't Break Down In Nevada or Enchantment Of Always Have Good Parking.

---

So last Friday the 13th, I get a call from my friend and housemate, at said airport.

It's roughly 11PM at night, and I have already retired for the evening. I am in the exact minimum of clothing required to be a decent housemate and not scandalize the neighbors should I happen to walk by a window. My feet are up. There is a cat in my lap and fictional British people murdering each other in highly inventive fashion on the tv. -But my friend has returned from her friend's wedding,and either American or United Airlines has managed to lose her luggage, including, among other valuable possessions, the keys to her car. ...So she cannot just drive home as originally planned.

There are, as luck would have it, her spare set of keys not eight feet from me.

Being a good and decent person, I agree to bring the spare keys to her so she may get home before daybreak and not spend a semester's worth of tuition on an uber across the greater Denver traffic jam.

Being also that she Loves Activities, and it's her mom we're going to pick up, I elect to take along The Creature.

I am primarily focused on remembering how to get to the airport and not leaving my friend's spare keys on the counter, so I throw on a pair of flip-flops, step outside, remember that it's AUTUMN and my minimal evening attire is not sufficient thermal protection, step back in, grab the first coat in the closet I lay hands on, pull it on, check that I have her keys again and leave.

The trip to the airport is largely unremarkable, save that it becomes necessary for me to put on sunglasses to drive, despite it being nearly the witching hour and almost entirely darker than the inside of a cow.

It's necessary because this blissful darkness of night is violently punctured by a startling number of cars that seem to have installed miniaturized but no less powerful lighthouse bulbs in where their headlights ought to go so the oncoming traffic and sports cars that insist on tailgating me in the slow lane alike illuminate the road and my mirrors with the kind of radiance I'd normally associate with the arrival of a Seraphim.

I arrive at the distant highly discounted airport car lot where my housemate is waiting, deeply apologetic. It's nothing. I say. Once I see that your car starts up, I'm gonna go to that 7-11 across the way that I parked in front of, get a slurpee or something and I'll see you at home.

While she is retrieving her vehicle (an equally eccentric but much more stately Subaru that is old enough to be elected to congress) I rifle through the loose change in the glove box and discover that I have exactly $6.66 in small bills and coins. The Subaru, continuing it's long voyage into vehicular immortality, immediately starts up.

Upon her return, we all remember that my friend had all her camping gear in the backseat of the car and there is no room for The Creature to ride home with her parent, so I again assure her it's nothing, and will just take The Creature into the 7-11 with me. She is trained as a service animal and needs the practice after the plague.

I wave my friend off and turn to enter the 7-11.

I promptly trip over the jutting back bumper of The Van and fall, cartoonishly, face-first onto the sidewalk.

Fortunately, I have a lot of practice falling on my face, and have learned not to throw my hands out but instead cover my face, so my unexpected self-inflicted attempted curb-stomping lightly scrapes my hairline and nothing else -my sunglasses even stay in place- and I get up and resume my quest for a slurpee.

It's well known that the airport is a lawless place, and the 7-11 across from the discounted airport parking at the stroke of midnight is no exception.

I know it's the stroke of Midnight because there's one of those Audubon society bird-call clocks that makes bird noises, and my arrival is heralded by the twittering call of a Summer Tanager. I am almost charmed enough by the unusual choice of chronological device to excuse the exorbitant Airport-adjacent mark-up of Slurpee prices. I stand at the machine for some time, trying to decide on a size for the price and guess what the fuck "Blue Lighting Blast" is supposed to taste like.

The Creature is being Very Polite but is somewhat agitated, I assume because she *just* saw her mother for the first time in three days and then she LEFT with no explanation, so The Creature is on her hind legs, staring woefully into my eyes, asking to be escorted around the 7-11. Even though that's not what she's not supposed to be doing, there's nobody else in here, so I let her hang off my arm and discuss various Slurpee Flavor options with her.

We eventually decide on an experiment in which I try a Small Blue Lightning Blast, and discover it tastes a bit like licking a nintendo cartridge but in a pleasantly satisfying way.

I go up to pay and realize something is amiss.

The Cashier is a young man staring at me with wide eyes, one had over the register and the other wrapped up in his rosary.

I look down at myself.

In my haste to reunite my friend with her spare keys and service animal, I had left the house in the following accoutrements:

Flip Flops. Not matching. It's below freezing outside. That last part is not particularly odd footwear for the weather in for Colorado, but it's an important detail for the rest of the ensemble.

Assorted scrapes, bruises, cuts and welts on my arms and legs that come with doing outdoor work and living in a house with three dogs and a fully-clawed cat that all want to be in my lap all the time. It's cold out, so vasoconstriction has pulled the blood away from my skin, a trait that served my ancestors well during the last Ice Age, but leaves me with pale skin to contrast the various wounds and I look like a corpse that fell out of the back of a pickup truck.

The black Bootyshorts with "CRYPTID" painted in bright red gothic font across my ass, that @theshitpostcalligrapher gave me for my wedding present.

A peculiar but extremely comfortable garment that straddles the line between "Lacy Camisole" and "Industrial-Strength Sports Bra" like the Ever Given straddling the Suez Canal. It is also Bright Red. with black accents.

The Jacket I had grabbed out of the closet, which is in fact, a black Velour Dinner Jacket.

The Tokyo-Ghoul inspired reusable anti-covid mask a friend made me with the set of Coyote Teeth.

My sunglasses, which are shaped like a Halloween Bat. The lenses are the wings and the body is the nose bridge. It is ALSO bright red.

A Very Large and remarkably Humanoid Poodle that I have been audibly affectionately calling "Dear Creature" who is hanging off my arm like she's my Prom Date.

The Very Large and remarkably Humanoid Poodle is ALSO dressed up in a black Dog Sweater that has white bones printed on it to look like its an X-ray jacket showing off her skeleton.

I look like I am taking my Very Fancy Werewolf Girlfriend to a particularly casual Dinner Party for Vampires, but the thing that's really selling it and probably alarming the kid the most is the fun accessory I acquired in the parking lot not five minutes earlier:

The "Small Scrape At my Hairline" is actually a painless but PROFUSELY bleeding head wound that I had somehow entirely failed to notice covering my face, neck, decolletage and magnificent cleavage with blood like a Tarantino Film Extra.

This does explain why The Creature has been delicately trying to use her bodyweight to push me down onto the floor for the last ten minutes. So I don't injure myself while we wait for the paramedics she hoped this kid called to arrive, you see.

The Creature has such a High and Naive Opinion of humanity.

I decide this social situation is already fucked, and the only way out is through, and with haste, before I start dripping on the floor.

"Hi there!" I say cheerfully, to indicate this is a visually alarming but not terribly serious situation. "Just a Small Slurpee!"

The Cashier has entered the relevant code into the register before I finish the sentence. His gaze flicks off me just long enough to look at the total, and he grips his Rosary harder.

$6.66

"Oh cool! I have exact change!" I say, taking the money out of my as-yet-unsanguined pocket without looking and slap it down on the counter. "You have a good night and be safe out there!" I wave, leaving.

I get in The Van, mortified, buckle The Creature up, and as I make to leave, I have to put it in reverse, which automatically turns on the backup Camera.

It also turns on the music player.

I make eye contact with the cashier as the dulcet tones of John Phillip Sousa boom from the van hard enough to make the windshield and the windows of the 7-11 rattle for the nine-and-a-half seconds I have to wait to be able to turn the volume back down. Not knowing what else to to, I give him a thumbs up, and leave.

Anyway, now I know what my Future Van Wizard has got to be dressed like, and what their familiar is.

---

If you enjoyed this story, please consider donating to my Ko-Fi or Pre-ordering my Family Lore Funny Stories book on Patreon"

The Van Has Officially Declared It Spooky Season

---

I've got my parent's van for the week and it seems determined to establish my status as The Local Cryptid by terrorizing an innocent 7-11 clerk.

...I might need to back up a bit.

My mother is an eminently sensible woman who knows herself well, and when The Plauge hit, she knew she'd need some sort of mentally and physically engaging craft project to keep herself from going insane and massacring the local zoning and water management boards (even if they have it coming). So she and Dad acquired a utility van and converted it into a camper van because while they love camping, they're past the age where their joints and immune systems will tolerate sleeping on the cold ground in a nylon tent.

They did a terrific job of it and my mom taught herself woodworking and carpentry and now the van has it's own cabinets, fold-away dining table, and removable queen-sized bed with memory foam mattress. My Dad was already a computer engineer, but he learned the dark magics of automotive software and electronics to install after-market backup cameras, a media player that would take a terabyte hard drive and a solar-powered battery and outlet so they could wake up and just turn on the kettle and griddle for breakfast without having to exit the van into a cold morning on an empty stomach.

Truly, the height of Camping Luxury.

My parents are both in their mid-seventies and my primary life goal is to be at least half as cool and hale as they are when I get old.

Anyway, they take it out at least a dozen times a year and it works fabulously, but, being as I am on good terms with my parents and also finishing the process of moving house, I've been borrowing it to move large and cumbersome objects that will not fit in the back of my equally lovely but minuscule Honda hatchback.

It's a Great Van. Very easy and comfortable to drive. Stunningly good MPG for it's size. The best cruise control I've ever had in a car.

It's just also. Quirky. Mischievous, even.

---

If this van has a fault its that it bears the unfortunate affliction that all lightly used white utility vans have in that the combination of an utter lack of branding features and the large dent/scrape I accidentally put on it while trying to escape a Denny's last Thanksgiving means that this vehicle is one addition of a Badly Spray-Painted "FREE CANDY" on the side away from being the sort of vehicle you see in an edgy horror movie.

It's got the same issue that Doberman Dogs have where they look like the sort of creature that likes to snack on toddler's faces whilst actually having personalities made of marshmallow fluff. This vehicle is unnecessarily menacing and I think nothing short of an airbrushed Epic Van Wizard will correct this. People see this van pull up and lean over and squint suspiciously at me when the driver's side door opens, and then look moderately confused when, instead of Charles Manson, a small, potato-shaped creature with neon purple hair and a statistically unlikely assortment of dogs emerges.

My own two dogs, Herschel the Hanukkah Goblin/Corgi and Charleston Chew The Taco Dumpster Dog, Do Not Like The Van. Even with the bed in it, they have a tendency to slide and roll around in the back, and both WILL chew through dog saftey belts or other attempts to secure them in there.

On the other hand, my house mate's dog, an exceptionally tall standard poodle whom we lovingly call "The Creature", loves the Van because SHE wears her doggy seat-belt with only mild complaining and gets to sit up in the passenger seat like A People.

Also like A People, The Creature likes to stand and walk around on her hind legs. It doesn't hurt her and it's entirely voluntary, but every so often I will feel a hand on my arm and instead of my husband or friend, it's a canine that's taller than I am on her hind legs who wants to stare at my face with soulful, concerned eyes. The Creature's favorite thing is that she is exactly the right height for me to hold her arm in Genteel Fashion and walk around the pet food or hardware store with her like I'm a count escorting a debutante around a royal ball.

---

As it stands, I am set to inherit this vehicle whenever my Honda gives up the ghost, and I fully intend to paint an Epic Van Wizard on it when that time comes.

The other peculiarity of The Van is that while Dad did manage to successfully install all his after-market electronics, not all the electronics get along. Sometimes, they fight for Dominance. The Terabyte Music Player and the Backup Camera have a particularly contentious relationship, and turning on the music has about a 25% chance of turning on the backup camera as well, and turning on the Backup Camera is equally likely to turn on the music.

Firthermore, The Van has a favorite song.

I am not kidding that Dad filled an entire terabyte hard drive with music and the software to sort it via the radio controls, but of all the Early Boomer Dad Rock (Kingston Trio over The Eagles) and Irish Folk and Symphonies and the entire discography of Weird Al Yankovic, The Van's favorite song- The one it picks to play as victory music every time it beats the Backup Camera at their weird electronic game of rock-paper-scissors -is The Liberty Bell March by John Phillip Sousa.

You all know this song already.

...but in case you've forgotten the tune:

Yeah.

The Van's favorite song is the goddamn Monty Python's Flying Circus Theme Music.

It does not play this song at a normal volume.

Every time I turn on the Backup Camera and it manages to turn the music player on as well, The Van insists on absolutely blasting this nonsense on at the maximum volume it's physically capable of producing, which I know is loud enough to be heard from the Denver International Airport's Pickup zone when they Van decided to start playing it from the economy lot about half a mile away.

Perhaps it's The Van's way of honoring the aesthetic sensibilities and sonic enthusiasm of Mr. Sousa.

...I can't help but wonder if the purpose of an Epic Van Wizard is to control this sort of faerie-like malarkey, and channel these chaotic energies into things like Spell of Don't Break Down In Nevada or Enchantment Of Always Have Good Parking.

---

So last Friday the 13th, I get a call from my friend and housemate, at said airport.

It's roughly 11PM at night, and I have already retired for the evening. I am in the exact minimum of clothing required to be a decent housemate and not scandalize the neighbors should I happen to walk by a window. My feet are up. There is a cat in my lap and fictional British people murdering each other in highly inventive fashion on the tv. -But my friend has returned from her friend's wedding,and either American or United Airlines has managed to lose her luggage, including, among other valuable possessions, the keys to her car. ...So she cannot just drive home as originally planned.

There are, as luck would have it, her spare set of keys not eight feet from me.

Being a good and decent person, I agree to bring the spare keys to her so she may get home before daybreak and not spend a semester's worth of tuition on an uber across the greater Denver traffic jam.

Being also that she Loves Activities, and it's her mom we're going to pick up, I elect to take along The Creature.

I am primarily focused on remembering how to get to the airport and not leaving my friend's spare keys on the counter, so I throw on a pair of flip-flops, step outside, remember that it's AUTUMN and my minimal evening attire is not sufficient thermal protection, step back in, grab the first coat in the closet I lay hands on, pull it on, check that I have her keys again and leave.

The trip to the airport is largely unremarkable, save that it becomes necessary for me to put on sunglasses to drive, despite it being nearly the witching hour and almost entirely darker than the inside of a cow.

It's necessary because this blissful darkness of night is violently punctured by a startling number of cars that seem to have installed miniaturized but no less powerful lighthouse bulbs in where their headlights ought to go so the oncoming traffic and sports cars that insist on tailgating me in the slow lane alike illuminate the road and my mirrors with the kind of radiance I'd normally associate with the arrival of a Seraphim.

I arrive at the distant highly discounted airport car lot where my housemate is waiting, deeply apologetic. It's nothing. I say. Once I see that your car starts up, I'm gonna go to that 7-11 across the way that I parked in front of, get a slurpee or something and I'll see you at home.

While she is retrieving her vehicle (an equally eccentric but much more stately Subaru that is old enough to be elected to congress) I rifle through the loose change in the glove box and discover that I have exactly $6.66 in small bills and coins. The Subaru, continuing it's long voyage into vehicular immortality, immediately starts up.

Upon her return, we all remember that my friend had all her camping gear in the backseat of the car and there is no room for The Creature to ride home with her parent, so I again assure her it's nothing, and will just take The Creature into the 7-11 with me. She is trained as a service animal and needs the practice after the plague.

I wave my friend off and turn to enter the 7-11.

I promptly trip over the jutting back bumper of The Van and fall, cartoonishly, face-first onto the sidewalk.

Fortunately, I have a lot of practice falling on my face, and have learned not to throw my hands out but instead cover my face, so my unexpected self-inflicted attempted curb-stomping lightly scrapes my hairline and nothing else -my sunglasses even stay in place- and I get up and resume my quest for a slurpee.

It's well known that the airport is a lawless place, and the 7-11 across from the discounted airport parking at the stroke of midnight is no exception.

I know it's the stroke of Midnight because there's one of those Audubon society bird-call clocks that makes bird noises, and my arrival is heralded by the twittering call of a Summer Tanager. I am almost charmed enough by the unusual choice of chronological device to excuse the exorbitant Airport-adjacent mark-up of Slurpee prices. I stand at the machine for some time, trying to decide on a size for the price and guess what the fuck "Blue Lighting Blast" is supposed to taste like.

The Creature is being Very Polite but is somewhat agitated, I assume because she *just* saw her mother for the first time in three days and then she LEFT with no explanation, so The Creature is on her hind legs, staring woefully into my eyes, asking to be escorted around the 7-11. Even though that's not what she's not supposed to be doing, there's nobody else in here, so I let her hang off my arm and discuss various Slurpee Flavor options with her.

We eventually decide on an experiment in which I try a Small Blue Lightning Blast, and discover it tastes a bit like licking a nintendo cartridge but in a pleasantly satisfying way.

I go up to pay and realize something is amiss.

The Cashier is a young man staring at me with wide eyes, one had over the register and the other wrapped up in his rosary.

I look down at myself.

In my haste to reunite my friend with her spare keys and service animal, I had left the house in the following accoutrements:

Flip Flops. Not matching. It's below freezing outside. That last part is not particularly odd footwear for the weather in for Colorado, but it's an important detail for the rest of the ensemble.

Assorted scrapes, bruises, cuts and welts on my arms and legs that come with doing outdoor work and living in a house with three dogs and a fully-clawed cat that all want to be in my lap all the time. It's cold out, so vasoconstriction has pulled the blood away from my skin, a trait that served my ancestors well during the last Ice Age, but leaves me with pale skin to contrast the various wounds and I look like a corpse that fell out of the back of a pickup truck.

The black Bootyshorts with "CRYPTID" painted in bright red gothic font across my ass, that @theshitpostcalligrapher gave me for my wedding present.

A peculiar but extremely comfortable garment that straddles the line between "Lacy Camisole" and "Industrial-Strength Sports Bra" like the Ever Given straddling the Suez Canal. It is also Bright Red. with black accents.

The Jacket I had grabbed out of the closet, which is in fact, a black Velour Dinner Jacket.

The Tokyo-Ghoul inspired reusable anti-covid mask a friend made me with the set of Coyote Teeth.

My sunglasses, which are shaped like a Halloween Bat. The lenses are the wings and the body is the nose bridge. It is ALSO bright red.

A Very Large and remarkably Humanoid Poodle that I have been audibly affectionately calling "Dear Creature" who is hanging off my arm like she's my Prom Date.

The Very Large and remarkably Humanoid Poodle is ALSO dressed up in a black Dog Sweater that has white bones printed on it to look like its an X-ray jacket showing off her skeleton.

I look like I am taking my Very Fancy Werewolf Girlfriend to a particularly casual Dinner Party for Vampires, but the thing that's really selling it and probably alarming the kid the most is the fun accessory I acquired in the parking lot not five minutes earlier:

The "Small Scrape At my Hairline" is actually a painless but PROFUSELY bleeding head wound that I had somehow entirely failed to notice covering my face, neck, decolletage and magnificent cleavage with blood like a Tarantino Film Extra.

This does explain why The Creature has been delicately trying to use her bodyweight to push me down onto the floor for the last ten minutes. So I don't injure myself while we wait for the paramedics she hoped this kid called to arrive, you see.

The Creature has such a High and Naive Opinion of humanity.

I decide this social situation is already fucked, and the only way out is through, and with haste, before I start dripping on the floor.

"Hi there!" I say cheerfully, to indicate this is a visually alarming but not terribly serious situation. "Just a Small Slurpee!"

The Cashier has entered the relevant code into the register before I finish the sentence. His gaze flicks off me just long enough to look at the total, and he grips his Rosary harder.

$6.66

"Oh cool! I have exact change!" I say, taking the money out of my as-yet-unsanguined pocket without looking and slap it down on the counter. "You have a good night and be safe out there!" I wave, leaving.

I get in The Van, mortified, buckle The Creature up, and as I make to leave, I have to put it in reverse, which automatically turns on the backup Camera.

It also turns on the music player.

I make eye contact with the cashier as the dulcet tones of John Phillip Sousa boom from the van hard enough to make the windshield and the windows of the 7-11 rattle for the nine-and-a-half seconds I have to wait to be able to turn the volume back down. Not knowing what else to to, I give him a thumbs up, and leave.

Anyway, now I know what my Future Van Wizard has got to be dressed like, and what their familiar is.

---

If you enjoyed this story, please consider donating to my Ko-Fi or Pre-ordering my Family Lore Funny Stories book on Patreon

[wallylinda]

Hi pls tell me about Wally’s shit parents

this took me three and a half hours i hope you enjoy

The best description of Wally's childhood can be summed up into one word: nuclear. He lived in the suburbs of Blue Valley, Nebraska with a mom, a dad, and no pets, but with a vast admiration for his favorite superhero, the Flash. There was Aunt Iris, too, who was his only friend in such a small town (even if she could only be reached by a phone line). His mother and father got into frequent fights and both of them discouraged his passion for the Flash. In particular, his relationship with his father was strained beyond belief, with Rudy insisting that Wally should get his head out of the clouds and start to focus on the real world.

Flash 1987 #0

Across the decades, there’s a panel of Mary throwing away his Flash comics, there’s a panel of Wally saying that Iris “saved” him from his parents, and there’s a panel of Wally crying because he had to go back to his mom and dad. There’s even more panels that I can’t remember or even find. While most of the...uh...disputes between the three of them are verbal, Rudy also had a deft hand for the physical. To put it in less conservative language: he “beat the tar” out of Wally. 

Flash 1987 #62

Truly the mark of an exemplary father! Speaking of, Wally was conceived for the sole purpose of being a power-grab. Rudy West was an acolyte of the Manhunter cult and was told that his son would bring him great honor and so, he had to marry. What really matters about this plotline is that Rudy spent Wally’s adolescence resenting the knowledge that his son would be stronger than he was and taking it out on him. Here’s a quote by the man himself: “You never listened. You never obeyed. After all--how can a father discipline a son who is all-powerful?”

Flash 1987 #8

Later on, Wally would get himself involved with the Celestial Enlightenment Ranch, a cult, wherein Rudy was one of the founders. Wally did a séance, tried to talk to Barry, got tricked into thinking his spirit was in the room, and Rudy spends the entire time whining about how Wally never appreciated Rudolph’s parenting techniques. Instead of, you know, being conscious of the fact that his son is being indoctrinated into a cult. 

Oh--and this is somehow secondary--Wally once gave his parents $500,000 after having won the lottery. Rudy blows through it (presumably funneling it all  towards the Manhunter cult) and proceeds to show up at Wally’s doorstep asking for more. And while he’s at it, he snidely insinuates that the dire financial/marital striates that he’s in is all Wally’s fault. 

Flash 1987 #5

If you’re thinking to yourself “holy shit this guy is an absolute jackass” then remind yourself that this is but a brief summary and I’m skipping over some of the details. But for my final nail in the coffin, I’d like to comment on Rudolph’s entrepreneurial instincts. Mainly, that in the middle of an alien invasion in which he would later fake his death in, Rudy would spend his time selling fake alien “detectors” to the paranoid populace. Honestly, Wally puts it better than I can:

Flash 1987 #21

What an amazing role-model!! Not that Wally’s mother is any better. Contrary to her husband’s heavy-handed approach to child rearing, Mary prefers to be more subtle. In the aftermath of the Millennium arc of the 80s--wherein Rudy nearly kills her by blowing up the boat that she was on--Mary comes to live with Wally until she gets her feet back under her. She spends her time insulting his then-girlfriend, taking control of his finances, and bemoaning about how Wally turned out “this way” when she and Rudy raised him to be such a polite young man. 

Also. She clearly doesn’t even have the most basic idea of who her son actually is as a person. As in: literally doesn’t even know what his favorite food is, perhaps the most banal of facts you should have about your kid. 

Flash 1987 #9

Oh. And the landscaping. I’ve said this before, but in the early early issues of Wally’s run, he had recently won the lottery. He, being twenty and deluding himself into thinking his mental health was Totally Fine and Dandy, decided to buy a mansion. Mary tuts, grabs the checkbook, and goes about redoing the entire place. Which okay, it’s not that bad in comparison to everything else, but making financial decisions without consulting the guy who owns the house--and the wallet--is a red flag for anyone. 

Flash 1987 #11

Wally is, understandably, losing his mind over her overbearing presence. Desperately trying to be polite to his mother--who recently almost died--he asks her, hey, for the love of god, when are you moving out? Mary “Gaslight” West goes on a spiel about family or whatever and basically tells him that she’s not moving out and that she loves him and that should be enough for him. This is a side note, but after this conservation she complains to both a) a mob boss who tries to kill the Flash and b) motherfucking Fidel Castro, about how horrible it is to be a mother. 

Like. Okay.  

Flash 1987 #12

The pièce de résistance is, of course, when she absconds into the Italian wilderness with her new boytoy, Rudolpho, to become a spy. This she does by reprogramming Wally’s JLE teleporter, taking a “me day” across the world wherein she meets her paramour, and then skipping town without a word to where she’s gone or how. Oh, and, she still bills all of her expenses to Wally. Including, of all things, another fucking mansion, because the first one she remodeled apparently wasn’t enough. 

Flash 1987 #48

To sum it up, neither of his parents are in anyway commendable, and I want Barry to adult-adopt him. No, I don’t care that they’re technically the same age in the new timeline, I just think that it’s penance--

[starkcanvas]

So, if you don’t mind me asking, what’s the Clear Out AU about?

Oh! I don’t mind at all! ^^ I’m happy you’re interested in it!

This is the gist of the story:

So the “Clear Out AU” is a different twist on a “Mari Lives Au” in a way. Basically events play out a bit differently than others. So Basil does witness the fight between Sunny and Mari, but before anything can really get physical, their Father comes home early just to see how the kids are doing with practice.

However, he becomes very enraged when seeing the violin on the ground and broken. Breaking up the siblings fight and verbally disciplining Sunny. He sends Mari to her room and tells Basil to go home. Both listen without question but the Dad takes Sunny privately to the Supply Closet...

One of the main factors here is that it is definitely implyed that the father is abusive towards Sunny but threatens him to not say a word to Mari or the mom. Once the punishment is done, he sents Sunny back to his room and Mari is immediately worrying over her baby brother. Her seeing that he is extremely upset but what really draws the line was her noticing the now visible bruise on his arm and leg.

Without hesitation, Mari tells Sunny to pack all he can into his bag while she does the same. She locks the bedroom door, then ties their bedsheets together and descend out their bedroom window. Ultimately, the two running away as an effort for Mari to save her little brother. Realizing what her father did to him, completely washing over her earlier anger.

The two are on the road for about a week. Thankfully, Mari had money on her so they’ve been buying food when they could however, her leg is slowly reaching its last lifes. Once they make it to Nearby City, Mari ultimately collapses in pain from her leg and is unable to move due to the sheer agony she’s in. Sunny is frightened by this and practically shouts out, begging for any sort of help.

To their luck, two men luckily found them, Klaus and Del! Yup, in this AU, they’re alive and they called 911 and got Mari rushed to the hospital. Sunny was also tended to and his wounds were looked at. Mari though... Klaus and Del were informed that she would need surgery on her bad leg.

Luckily, it goes without a hitch. Her knee joint is replaced but... the rest of her leg was beyond repair and... needed to be amputated. Mari is of course very distraught when learning this but Klaus and Del help the siblings through this new issue. The actual parents do eventually track them down and things don’t go well...

The dad ultimately leaves due to his daughter becoming a “disappointment” and his son being a “mistake” in his eyes. Even taking his ring off and shoving it into Mari’s hands before he leaves. The Mom was relieved to know they were both okay but sadly is forced to give them up as she realizes there’s no way she can care for both of them in addition to Mari’s new medical needs on her own.

Luckily, Klaus and Del have been looking after the two since getting them there and before both parents leave, Del gets them to sign adoption papers for both Sunny and Mari. The two taking full responsibility for the two kids. They sign and not long after, Klaus and Del call the cops on the former dad for child abuse lol

The two kids now living in a much more accessible home for Mari, the two no longer having any kind of expectational pressure put onto them and they’re able to try and properly reconcile over the recital incident.

[ffamranxii]

HAIKYUU!! COUPLES HEADCANONS

DAISUGA

-Daichi goes to the gym to work out. Suga goes to the gym to ogle Daichi

-Suga has a massive sweet tooth

-Daichi cooks, Suga cleans

-Suga is a little shit who is not above seducing Daichi in public. He can say the most lewd things without batting an eye while Daichi blushes furiously

-Daichi and Kuroo once hooked up at training camp. They do not talk about it

-Daichi is good friends with Michimiya and Kiyoko. Suga is closer to Asahi

-Daisuga rarely fight and are often asked for relationship advice. Daichi tries to discourage this because “guys I didn’t realize Yui had a crush on me or that Suga was in love with me for three years.”

-Daichi can’t dance, won’t dance, and refuses to acknowledge the time he got trashed and twerked

-Suga dislikes his given name unless it’s said by Daichi, who is the only person allowed to call him Koushi

-Suga is extremely flexible. Daichi is not.

-Daichi or Suga getting hit on makes Daichi uncomfortable. Getting hit on amuses Suga, and Daichi getting hit on makes him horny

-It took all of high school for Daisuga to get together, because Daichi is oblivious and Suga assumed Daichi wasn’t into him. Daichi’s dumbness and their mutual pining becomes a fond, shared joke several years later

-Daichi has no gag reflex. 

-Daisuga have a very fat, very orange cat named Ninja. He’s surprisingly fast and agile despite looking like a furry basketball. (Daichi is a dog person and did not even want Ninja at first. He suspects Kuroo had something to do with this. Suga sometimes playfully gets upset because “Ninja likes you better than me, Dai!”)

-Everyone expects Suga to be the dominant one but Suga is more than willing to be submissive for Daichi and has on several occasions

ASANOYA

-Noya gets up before sunrise to run. Asahi would rather die than leave his bed before 8am

-Noya turns the coffee pot on and cooks breakfast to lure Asahi out of bed

-Noya is surprisingly patient, gentle, quiet, and kind when it comes to Asahi and his insecurities

-Noya is the type to bottle his insecurities and fears until they explode. The only one who can calm him back down is Asahi

-Asahi makes bratty faces when he thinks Noya isn’t looking

-Noya and Tanaka spend a lot of time with Daisuga because of the Daichi&Suga&Asahi&Kiyoko friendship. Asahi and Ennoshita become good friends

-Asahi doesn’t understand the distance between Noya and his sisters because Asahi is very close to his

-It is impossible to embarrass Noya

-Asahi gets a lot of inspiration for his fashion designs from traveling with Noya

-Noya knows how to braid hair and likes to play with Asahi’s

-Asahi enjoys physical affection but dislikes overt PDA. Noya would happily climb Asahi like a tree in public if Asahi would let him

-Only Asahi calls Noya by his given name

-Noya knows he likes Asahi early on but Asahi’s panic (“omg someone LIKES me?? NOYA likes me?? My crush??”) at his confession prevent them getting together until after the Date Tech match (after Asahi rejoins the team).

-Noya is affected by wanderlust and that’s why he travels. Sometimes Asahi joins him. They get married in Canada during one of these trips. (I once read a fantastic asanoya fic where a significant event happened in Canada so Canada is my asanoya place now)

-Noya sends Asahi a postcard from every place he’s ever visited. Sometimes he’ll spend over half an hour trying to find the *best* one, only to buy them all and send them as a sort of big long letter. Asahi saves them all in a photo album that lives on the coffee table. (Some people have a coffee table book, Asahi has a photo album.)

-Noya prefers to top. The one thing he’s really uncomfortable with is being on the bottom (physically laying beneath someone and also sex).

KUROKEN

-Kuroken have a black cat and a calico and enjoy naps on the couch with the kitties. Kuroo has SO MANY pictures in his phone of Kenma curled around the kitties.

-Kuroo: “Love you.” Kenma: “Hate you.”

-Kenma CAN cook, but likes that Kuroo likes taking care of him

-Every game Kuroo has ever owned is multiplayer because he only games with Kenma

-Kenma’s favorite games involve critical thinking and puzzles. Kuroo enjoys watching him play

-Kuroo is an introvert masquerading as an extrovert. Kenma is an introvert. They enjoy quiet nights in.

-Kuroo has anxiety. Kenma always knows when Kuroo is anxious and how to fix it

-People make Kenma anxious. Kuroo makes himself anxious.

-Kenma’s nicknames for Kuroo are Kuro and Koroemon. Kuroo calls Kenma Kyanma and kitten

-Kuroo has been in love with Kenma for as long as he can remember, since they were kids. Kenma knows this, but doesn’t understand he feels the same way until Kuroo goes off to college

-Kuroo is the one who discovered Daichi’s lack of gag reflex. He’s delighted to learn that Kenma lacks one as well

-Kenma moves more slowly than Kuroo. He’s not as comfortable with physical affection and sex as Kuroo is. Their relationship progresses slowly, and Kuroo lets Kenma lead. 

-After Kenma’s confession, how he feels about Kuroo is one of the very few things Kuroo does not doubt or make himself anxious over.

-Kuroo can, will, and has go(ne) on and on and ON about Kenma until someone shuts him up. It drives Yaku up the fucking wall in high school.

-Kenma does a retro game stream once or twice a month made up of games he and Kuroo used to play as kids. Kuroo actually games with him on those days and Kenma’s followers are quick to notice and speculate because Kenma has literally never gamed with another person in the same room before. Sometimes Kenma can only post the actual gameplay because Kuroo ruined the footage of them by being excessively sappy. (Kuroo is NOT above flirting and dirty talk to get an edge and Kenma doesn’t really think his fans need to know that.)

-Kuroken do not talk about Kuroo’s mom or sister

-The Kozumes love “Tetsu-chan” and Kuroo’s grandparents adore Kenma. Kuroken get along with each other’s families better than they do their own.

-Kuroo is tactile. He’s that ass-slapping friend. Kenma thinks he’s ridiculous

-Kuroo used to be dislike Hinata, because Kenma and Hinata are extremely good friends and Kuroo was afraid Hinata would take Kenma away from him. Kenma has assured him he doesn’t like Hinata like that but Kuroo doesn’t warm up until Hinata starts dating Kageyama

BOKUAKA

-Akaashi is 100% in charge of the house and the financials and his word is law. Not because he’s an asshole but because Bokuto is whipped

-Akaashi is a screamer. Bokuto has a big dick.

-Bokuto is the calmest between him and his sisters. His sisters have formed an Akaashi fanclub

-Bokuaka kiss a lot during sex

-Bokuto fucking loves owls

-Akaashi used to be embarrassed over being a manga editor but Bokuto thinks it’s the coolest job ever, “even better than mine!” When his authors need references, Akaashi sends them pictures of Bokuto. Bokuto takes this responsibility very seriously

-Bokuaka exclusively refer to each other by first name but Akaashi can’t break the habit of using -san

-Akaashi and Kenma are very good friends. Bokuto thinks they might even be better bros than him and Kuroo. (Kenma is one of the few people Akaashi calls by first name, and one of the only people who calls Akaashi by his.)

-Akaashi overthinks as a result of anxiety, but he doesn’t think he has anxiety. He prefers to call it “seeing the issue from all sides”

-Akaashi and Bokuto do yoga together. Bokuto behaves himself surprisingly well around Akaashi in yoga pants

-Akaashi decided to attend Fukurodani after watching Bokuto play and literally for no other reason

-Bokuaka are the embodiment of love at first sight and their relationship has an unreal, almost storybook quality to it because they are literally perfect for each other. Because of this, Bokuto doesn’t understand why other people struggle so much to start and maintain a relationship, no matter how many times Kuroo tells him “just because your relationship is straight out of a movie doesn’t mean the rest of the world works like that”

-Bokuaka have a koi pond in their backyard and have named all the fish. Bokuto always asks about them when he’s away for games

IWAOI

-Iwaizumi cooks and cleans because he’s always been the one taking care of Oikawa, but he refuses to fold the laundry because “I’m not doing everything for you, you fucking freeloader”

-Iwaizumi cooks healthy “old man food.” Oikawa’s sweet tooth suffers

-Oikawa is that guy who puts more cream and sugar and other additives in his coffee than actual coffee. He’s tried all of Starbucks’ seasonal drinks and never gets the same thing twice

-Iwaoi have very heated arguments about if Godzilla can kick King Kong’s ass or not. Iwaizumi of course sides with Godzilla

-Iwaoi once fought about the original purpose of Stonehenge and now no one can mention England without it coming back up

-Oikawa only became comfortable with his glasses because Iwaizumi likes them

-Iwaoi have been friends since they were in diapers. The whole volleyball team took bets on when they’d announce their relationship

-Both the Oikawas and the Iwaizumis respond when either boy calls for mom or dad. Oikawa calls his sister Nee-chan while Iwaizumi says Oneesan

-Iwaizumi’s favorite of Oikawa’s features is his legs. Oikawa is in love with Iwa’s arms

-Neither of them can remember when they started liking each other or how their relationship started

-Iwaoi are shockingly codependent and do NOT do separation (during university in Argentina/California or for away games) well

-Deep down Oikawa is extremely insecure and worries he isn’t enough - in volleyball, in school, in his family, in his relationship. Iwaizumi always knows when he’s putting on a front and how to cheer him back up

-Iwaizumi is secretly so soft and weak for Oikawa

-After the Olympics Iwaizumi moves to Argentina to be with Oikawa and they get married. They move back to Japan after Oikawa retires from volleyball and after gay marriage becomes legal there

-Oikawa keeps various plants around the house and the patio and is extremely proud of them. He paints all their pots and even names some of them (which Iwaizumi thinks is disgustingly cute). His most prized plant is a lucky bamboo he bought on a whim when iwaoi first moved in together.

-Oikawa can’t deepthroat. It makes him so jealous that Iwaizumi can

-Iwaizumi blushes whenever Oikawa gives him a genuine compliment

-Iwaizumi has a praise kink. Oikawa has a “whatever comes out of Iwa’s mouth” kink

-Iwaizumi has dom tendencies.

[solar-bean]

 Grimmjow Headcanons Plus a Few x S/O ones 

( pretty sure I read some of these somewhere but I forgot so here's a self indulgent list :)

He died in his early twenties so he's still pretty young mentally but physically as a hollow he's old as hell

He's European

He takes a lot of naps in random places such as the roof of Las Noches

In fact he does a lot of cat like stuff and doesn’t realize it

He can purr but rarely and it’s mostly in his sleep 

When he became an arrancar he had long hair similar to his release form. It kept getting in the way so he cut it

he doesn’t like wearing clothes

Him and his fraccion use to sleep close together in case they were ambushed by other adjuchas and still did even after they became arrancars

They didn’t think much of it. Except Di Roy. He’d say it was weird and ‘un-masculine’ to which Grim would tell him to shut up and go to sleep after laying an arm or a leg over his face. 

Di Roy would also occasionally guilt trip him

Grimmjow: You’re too weak to fight with us.

Di Roy: I wouldn’t be if someone didn’t bite my face off. 

Grimm:..........fine! do whatever you want. See if I care. 

He was actually much closer to them than he let on

Most of the epsada knew it. Especially after Syazel threatened to experiment on them since they were ‘expendable.’ He did his best to avoid Grimmjow after that.

He only really got to grieve of their deaths when the war against Aizen ended

As much as he genuinely enjoyed fighting Ichigo it was also a distraction from all the pain he tried to burry

Harribel and Nelliel helped him with his grief

They became sort of friends afterwards tho he still tries to fight them both on a weekly basis 

Refers to Pantera with female pronouns 

One perk of most of Los Noches’ inhabitants being defeated is the nearly infant amount of space. So he was able to choose his own room

He keeps it surprisingly tidy aside from the nicknacks he’s hoarded from wandering around Hueco Mundo

His bed is full of pillows as a substitute of having a pack to sleep with

When asked he’ll say its for comfort

Nelliel: Have you seen my pillow? 

Grimmjow: * sitting on it in his pillow pile* No.

He steals everyone’s stuff now and then but mostly Nel’s cuz he likes to mess with her ( insert low key sibling energy )

He talks to animals like people

Grimmjow: I told you to stop crossing the street at the red light idiot!

Cat: Meow

Grimm: Don’t talk back to me you little shit!!

Hangs out at Urahara’s place when he’s in the living world and not trying to fight Ichigo

Likes human food. Especially meat.

Grimmjow: *eating bacon for the first time* hmm tastes like hollows but better

Ichigo:.....I’m sorry what??!!

Was dared that he couldn’t beat Yoruichi at twister. He won five crates of snacks to bring back to Hueco Mundo ( may or may not have shared them cuz “ they gave me too much so take it or I’ll throw it out” )

Says things around the characters in the living world about his terrible experience under Aizen’s rule like it’s normal

Grimmjow: *having another rematch with Ichigo* Damn that almost hurt as much as Tousen slicing my arm off

Ichigo: *pauses the fight* Tousen did WHAT?!!

Becomes friends with Ichigo but won’t admit it.

Somewhat apologizes to Orihime and Rukia for what he did. But not Ichigo cuz he’ll do it all again but with less deadly intent.

Learns how to cook

Likes just about any kind of movie/show. He isn’t picky 

Would get his 6 tattoo edited to something else if it bothered him

Would freakin die for Kazui!!! 

Here are the S/O ones:

Is pansexual so gender isn’t an issue

Prefers someone who can beat him up but is ok with a human if he feels a very strong connection to them

Doesn’t really have a physical type honestly 

Will admire things about their appearance cuz he likes it on them and not in general

Will be in complete denial about his feelings at first 

Like “hollows aren’t meant to love” and all that ish 

Makes up excuses to hangout with them but it’s mostly for his own benefit

“ I don’t like them. They just have a nice movie collection.” “ I don’t like them. They’re just nice to spar with.” “ I don’t like them. They’re just nice to talk to.” “I don’t like them. They just make me feel safe when I sleep next to them.” 

Gives them random things he’s found when wondering around Hueco Undo’s desserts like gems and cool sharp bones

Let's them hold and even use Pantera

Starts to unconsciously turn off his hierro when he’s with them. It causes a lot of fliching and embarrassing gasps when they touch him since he’s not use to feeling so much

Did I mention he’s touch starved?

Like a lot.

Holding his hand for too long would literally kill him

Once he’s gotten use to feeling something other than pain from another person he starts to let them touch him more. Like hugs. Lots of hugs. 

He even lets them rub his release form’s cat ears

Then here come the purrs. Louder than they’ve ever been before! It startles them both. He denied it but the blush gave him away.

He’ll do his best to purr more often since his s/o likes it so much. Such as when they’re cuddled up for a nap. Though he doesn’t really have to try.

Is confused as to why they like to squish his toe beans but lets them do it anyway

Wraps his tail around them in his release form

Will let them braid his long hair

Will also let them paint his claws as well as put makeup on him

He’s a total pushover ( insert the ‘please for me’ meme )

Is very protective of them

“ Why are you sad? Do I need to kill someone?”

If asked will follow his s/o when they’re out at night so they feel safe. Potential muggers? Thrown by an unknown force. Stalker? Punched by an unknown force. Cat callers in a car? Car gets flipped over by an unknown force.

Eventually no one bothers them at all cuz word goes around that they’re protected by a ghost or something else supernatural.

They’re of the few that can call him by a nickname and survive. Grimm, Grimmy, Grimmykins, Grimmy-kun, Kitty, Kitten, Catboy, Stinky cat, Baby boy, Baby boi, Big guy, Tough guy, My Arancar, My love, My one and only, Handsome, Blueberry. Literally anything is fine with him.

But call him My King and he’s done for. Dead. A second time. Deceased all over again. His heart will reform just to burst out of existence. 

Takes them to Hueco Mundo a few times 

Makes a pillow fort with them with his hoard of pillows 

Will be skeptical as to why they like him and won’t be surprised if they get tired of him and break up

But oh no! They’re in it for the long run! You’re stuck with them Grimmykins:)

Would most likely say I love you without even realizing it till later

Grimm: *blushes* F*CK!!

Harribel: *pauses the meeting* Is there something wrong?

Grimm: I told Y/n that I love them before I left without realizing it! *puts his face in his hands and groans* I’m so screwed.

Nel: Well it’s about damn time!

Harribel: Congrats Grimmjow

Grimm: *groans and blushes some more*

If he really loves them he’ll find a way to weaken his immortality so they can grow old together ( yes it’ sappy but he figures he’ll get bored after they long gone )

Might go to Mayuri for help and becomes his lab rat in return. Won’t tell his s/o till it’s done so they won’t try to stop him.

It’s not fun. Like at all ( insert angsty fit energy here ). But it works and as an added bonus him and his s/o can have kids if they’d like

A great dad. Incredibly supportive and loving. Mess with them and you’re dead. Or at least scarred for life. No one messes with his cubs.  

Grimm: Isn’t it weird that our kids are best friends?

Ichigo: No. We’re friends.

Grimm: I tried to kill you.

Ichigo: Who hasn’t?

Grimm: I’ll drink to that.

Ichigo: That’s a juice box.

Grimm: Have you seen my kids? The last time I wasn’t sober they ceroed the roof off and beat up a hollow. There’s no way I’m missing that again.

[bokutobaes]

inarizaki boys when you have a bad day

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭ .・.

☆-with: atsumu, suna, kita

☆-!warnings!: swearing, parental issues, parents fighting, (there’s nothing physically violent), illness like the flu

☆-a/n: yall these are longgg LOL sorry

☆- author: lu <3

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭ .・.

☆ atsumu:

-his baby had a bad day :((

-just kidding he didn’t notice at first I’m so sorry nzjsjjsj

-your lockers are nearby so he’s usually waiting for you there first thing in the morning

-you woke up today with a headache and you were just really tired from studying last night :/

-you wanted to suck it up because it was your own fault for leaving the studying until the night before the test you had

-anyways, you were walking up to your locker lowkey trying to avoid eye contact with him

-“hi tsumu :)” u fricken liar with that fake smile

-“morning babe!” atsumu pulled u in for a back hug “i have to get to class kinda early for a test review so i’ll see you at lunch”

-and with that he was pecking your cheek and leaving

-“okay.. kind of good” you thought.. you didn’t wanna worry him or anything so you headed to you first class, math

-hell literally broke loose.. you forgot your pencil case and had to ask like 4 people until you got one which was embarrassing

-AND THEN the teacher called on you for an answer that you didn’t know like the universe

was against you or something

-“uhh... ummm i don’t know..” headass😩

-the class after that was slightly less dehumanizing but it was also japanese class.. the class you had a test in that you just barely studied for

-you did the test and lost braincells, blood sweat and tears LOL

-“okay class these will be graded by lunchtime so please come by to collect your scores before your next class”

-ogey :/ anyways u went to ur next class and before u knew it, it was lunch time.

-a text from atsumu made your phone vibrate while on your way to get your test scores

-“hey babe im actually gonna eat lunch with samu we’re practicing a bit at lunch”

-oh :) ok :) that’s fine :) not like u :) desperately:) need a hug :) right now :)

-“oh okay babe” you text back

-whatever u don’t need him independent queen

-that’s your mindset.. until you get those test scores

-it’s a literal fail .. did not pass the test.. ok..

-“y/n san, these test scores were not your usual best. I’m slightly disappointed, if there’s anything going on please let me know”

-“thank you sensei. i’ll do better next time.

-at this point you were just tying not to cry so you took your test and shouldered your bag and walked to a bench outside for some fresh air.

-right.. you didn’t bring lunch today

-so now you were hungry, tired, defeated, disappointed and lonely :,(

-the last class of your day went by quickly probably because you were zoned out the whole time

-the end of the day came and you were at your locker when your guardian texted you

-“Y/n, you had that test today right? I’m expecting to see the grade when your back home. Didn’t have time to make food tonight so find something to eat on your way home.”

-oh that test ? lol hahaha the one that you failed?! yeah that one haha lol lollll

-so with that, you started your walk home

-“y/n!!”

-fuck. atsumu.

-if you saw him now you knew you wouldn’t be able to hold in your tears and you really didn’t want to cry

-so your solution? pretend you didn’t hear him and walk faster lmfaokdhdh

-but atsumu, being.. well atsumu, decided to just full speed sprint towards you to put his shoulder around you

-“i literally know you heard me. i missed you today sorry about lun- why are you crying ?!!?”

-“bad day” you choked out before a shuddering gasp wracked your chest

-atsumu didn’t say anything he just wrapped you in a tight hug, petting you hair while you cried into his chest

-“its okay babe.. “ :(

-“you wanna come over? we can get food and cuddle”

-you nodded your head taking a shaky breath

-his hand reached out and wiped your tears, brushed your hair behind your ear and kissed your forehead like it was natural to him.

-and so you walked together hand in hand to atsumu’s house where you ate samu’s leftover onigiri and vented to atsumu about the day while you cuddled

-he also gave you a hoodie :,)

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭ .・.

☆ suna:

-“living is a chore :|” you thought as the alarm rang through your room ruining your peaceful sleep

-it was raining outside and your mind went back to last night, the screaming match your parents had

-normally you’d be used to it but it felt like they were starting to take the anger they had for each other out on you now

-you tried not to but you started thinking about all the things your mom had yelled to you through the closed door of your bedroom

-“your just like your father. you’re selfish, lazy and all you do is run around with that little boyfriend of yours! what about your family?! you think your better then us? why don’t you move out then since your so good at being independent?!”

-everything she said was always completely blown out of proportion, she lied all the time. it’s exhausting for you

-you started getting ready for school, you wanted to see suna and your friends and laugh and just forget last night even happened

-when you got to school suna was there at your locker scrolling lazily through his phone

-you smiled, genuinely as he looked up and greeted you with a smirk

-“nice hair.”

-“wha-“ you started and then smacked his arm when you realized that your baby hairs were out of sorts “shutup” you scowled

-“good morning” suna hugged you

-“good morning”

-now you were off to class, it always went by too fast, you thought. school was always done in the blink of an eye

-“what’re you doing at lunch?” your friend tapped your shoulder and whispered to you

-“mmm nothing probably why?”

-“let’s eat on the roof today! yui told me there’s gonna be a rainbow cuz it stopped raining.”

-“okay” you smiled

-now at lunch with your friends you ate the bento you had packed before. the rainbow was there and it was beautiful

-you were having fun just laughing with your friends and texting suna while he sent terrible photos of atsumu. things were good, you had forgotten about your mom

-until the end of the day came and you had to go back home

-as usual suna was at his locker waiting so that you could walk home together

-after crossing the street you and suna were at a bike path, trees surrounding the fences

-it was a comfortable silence until...

-“what’s wrong?”

-suna asking took you by surprise, you didn’t think you were acting any different. were you?

-“what are you talking about”

-“you look sad, you did this morning too but then you were fine the rest of the day so I didn’t say anything. but, you look sad again now”

-“oh..”

-so suna just saw right through you

-“ um.. i’m okay.. it’s just ..” you laughed dryly “i don’t really want to go home”

-“did something happen?”

-“yeah.. my parents were fighting, it turned into this whole thing.” you felt a lump in your throat start to form “i don’t really wanna talk about it”

-“okay. you should just come over then, right?”

-“can i?”

-“you literally don’t even have to ask me anymore y/n” suna grabbed your hand and led the way

-when you got there suna hopped on his couch and started putting on something from netflix

-“my parents aren’t home, my sister has a dance thing today” he grabbed a blanket and you sat down, putting your head in his lap

-suna put on a comedy show, of course he would

-he played with your hair while you watched and after an episode or two, he asked

-“do you want to talk about it now?”

-and so you did, you told him what happened last night and what your mom said. your plan was to not cry but that failed miserably

-suna listened intently, he told you the truth, he said that what she said wasn’t true, he told you you could sleepover whenever you needed to.

-kissed you and wrapped you back in the blanket

-“i love you, you know that right? always.”

-he always knew what to say and you loved him for that

-“i love you too, suna”

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭ .・.

☆ kita:

-kita knew, first thing he noticed when he saw you that you weren’t okay

-you woke up with a terrible headache, aching body and stomachache

-so this is it? this is hell? ok.

-but the test.. you had a test today. fortunately you had actually studied for weeks because you knew it was important

-mentally? you were ready for that test. physically? you had the spanish influenza

-so you weighed the options and decided you would go to school, take the test and then come back home after.

-the problem with that was that kita would in fact lecture you on all the reasons you should not have come to school

-he was right of course, but you still decided that you would need to avoid him for today

-spoiler alert it did not work

-your test was your third class of the day so you only had to get through 2 classes and you’d leave at lunch perfectly avoiding kita

-this was what you thought while you were at your locker until you closed it and walked directly into kitas chest

-“wow”

-“good morning y/n-chan”

-“morning kita! i have to go or I’ll be late!”

-you ran😭 and you almost got away too but kita grabbed your arm and pulled you to one side of the hallway

-he felt your forehead and both cheeks

-“you have a fever y/n”

-“no I don’t I’m just hot from walking to school”

-he said 😐

-you signed and rested your head on his chest letting your arms dangle

-“why did you come? you look sick”

-“thanks. I have a test.”

-“how do you feel?”

-you told him your symptoms but also that you were leaving right after the test and you could pull through

-he really didn’t want you to overwork yourself but he knew you were set on taking the test

-so he let you go and he made you promise to text him between classes and let him know if you felt any worse

-and off you went

-honestly, you were fine up until halfway through your second class.. then you started feeling really cold and tired even kind of nauseous

-then in the third class your test was put onto your desk and before you knew it your teacher was saying “begin”

-okay. you can do this you thought to yourself. the test was easy enough with how much you studied, you thought about every answer and you tried to finish quick

-but then it was like time cut itself in half and the bell for lunch was ringing

-you weren’t even done the test yet

-“y/n you can stay in here until your done but i expect you to have it finished soon”

-one question left

-you don’t even remember what you ended up putting before you were up and giving the paper to your teacher

-kita was right there when you left the classroom

-“hey ..hey.. y/n”

-you could barely hear him you just flopped into his arms

-“okay I’m taking you home.. “

-“but..”

-“shh let’s go”

-you don’t remember getting there but then you were in your bed smothered in pillows and blankets

-kita came in

-“what time is it?”

-he looked at his phone “half past 4”

-“4?!” you jolted up “did you even go back to school?” “kita?!”

-he smiled at you “no but it’s okay y/n it was only one day. i wanted to take care of you

-you noticed he had a steaming cup of something in his hands

-“what’s that” you asked

-“its tea, but it’s special tea :)”

-“what do you mean” you laughed

-“my grandma showed me how to make it, it’s gonna make you feel a lot better”

-he’s so cute...

-“kita... you didn’t have to do all this”

-“i wanted to” he sits beside you and hands you the tea

-literally tasted like heaven

-“mmmmm oh my god”

-kita laughed and kissed you on the cheek before joining you in the bed

-you cuddled and watched movies on your laptop until you fell asleep, comfortable in your boyfriends arms

[sluttbuttsstuff]

La Squadra Backstory Headcanons Part 1 (GHIACCHIO AND MELONE

Since we’re probably never going to get any straight answers on their backstory, i’m writing my own for them.  Obviously, none of this is canon and guesswork

WARNINGS: none really, aside from dark themes 

GHIACCHIO:  

Came from a very large and very poor family, the youngest of many children.  

As a result, he was the last to get anything-last to get fed, last to get clothed, last to get attention.

He didn’t get the proper care he truly needed, so he had to fight and take what he really needed, or he would have to make do without.

He’s always had awful eyesight, but it wasn’t until stealing a classmate’s glasses that happened to be exactly what Ghiacchio needed, he fought the kid for them and gave him a black eye

“There, now you can’t even use them, they’re better off with me!”

Despite getting into a lot of fights, School was actually something of a sanctuary for Ghiaccio.  

He got the attention he needed, he was able to get free food through the lunch program, and excelled in several sports activities and physical Ed.

During middle school, under encouragement of a favorite teacher of his, he dedicated himself to his studies, and enrolled in as many extra curricular activities as he could stomach.

With his impressive physical fitness, natural intelligence, and a little anger management, his teacher convinced him he could get into a good college with a full scholarship that he wouldn’t otherwise be able to get into

Ghiacchio wasn’t always as loud, angry and violent as he was in La Squadra, but he did have issues with anger management, an inferiority complex, and a self-sabotaging need to always be right.  

But his teacher, now his mentor, never gave up on him.  He took Ghiaccio to therapy, gave him a shoulder to lean on, and served as the support he never got from his parents or siblings.

His family had no interest or desire to get involved with his life, or offer any support or encouragement.

School was tough- it was extremely stressful and he was pushing himself to his limits.  He had very little sleep, had to maintain a 4.0 grade average, but despite it all, Ghiacchio was very happy.

His mentor was like a father figure to him, without him, Ghiacchio wouldn’t have been able to get as far as he did.

And then the worst happened.

His mentor died naturally, of a heart attack, he was an older gentleman with a history of heart disease in his family.

It still broke Ghiaccio.

He skipped school for the first time in years to attend his funeral, and ended up getting in a fight with one of his teachers at school the next day.

Ghiacchio and his teacher argued over the correct pronunciation of a word, but really Ghiacchio was angry at his teachers and school-hell, the WORLD- that no one else had been at his mentor’s funeral.  He felt like no one cared about his mentor, and that included him.  

He broke the teacher’s nose, as well as several other bruises and nearly gave him a concussion.

Obviously, he was expelled from school after that, and sent to a juvenile prison.  He was able to finish high school in juvie, but no university or sports team wanted to sponsor him or offer him a scholarship. 

 It is his greatest regret, not being able to get the scholarship he and his mentor worked so hard for

But at the same time, he doesn’t regret attacking his other teacher and leaving school; he couldn’t stand by and let his mentor’s memory be forgotten, besmirched.

He would be picked up by Passione through the juvie system, he kept getting into petty fights with others and managed to impress some soldatos into offering him initiation.

I like to think that his strict grammar pet peeve stems from his mentor, who taught italian grammar and literature studies, and as a result was especially strict with teaching Ghiacchio proper italian.

The ice theme for his stand?  Yeah, it’s funny because he’s a hot head, but i think it’s his stand, as an extension of his mentor’s teachings trying to literally “Cool” him down.  He has to use a lot of focus to use White Album properly, just like how his studies and athletics would distract him from his own mental health issues.

At least, this is just what I think lol

MELONE:

Hoo-boy, this kiddo has to have had some serious  family issues

His father was the head doctor at the most prestigious fertility clinic in Italy

(He was also secretly into eugenics, and lots of other nasty stuff, but let’s get into that later)

He was so successful, he had even cured his own wife’s infertility

At least, that’s what he had everyone believe

Secretly, Melone’s father had had an extramarital affair with his secretary, who became pregnant and had Melone.

Under extreme threats and blackmail, Melone’s father managed to take Melone away from his biological mother, and convince his wife to raise Melone as her own.

Needless to say, Melone’s father was a very bad, manipulative man

Despite this, his wife had always wanted a child, and actually loved him and cared for him deeply, and Melone became her child as much as his biological mother

Melone’s father was very strict and had high expectations of Melone from a young age.

Melone had private tutors, a personal chef and nutrition plan, and even a physical fitness teacher who would regularly exercise him.

Melone had no other siblings, surprisingly, despite his father’s obsession with eugenics and breeding.  

His father must have been afraid of the possible scandal that would arise from an affair or divorce (italy is still a heavily catholic country after all) and his wife, Melone’s “adoptive” mother was still barren,

Since Melone was an only child, home schooled and surrounded by paid lackeys of his father, he was very lonely.  

His mother was his one and only real friend in his life.  She would sneak him dessert snacks, read him fairytale stories if he got tired of his textbooks, and even played games like jump rope and hide and seek with him.

The entire reason his “Adoptive” mother had married his father in the first place was because it had been her lifelong dream to have children, and she was determined to give Melone all the love his father couldn’t and wouldn’t.

And that was life for a long time- it wasn’t the best childhood but Melone couldn’t really complain.  His father kind of scared him, but at the same time he earned Melone’s respect.  

Melone was interested in Biology, and learning about genetics like his father.

And when the stress of living up to his father, and his own, expectations became too hard, he could always run to his mother.

Then, Melone’s biological mother found him

Melone’s biological mother had never really gotten over losing her only child, and despite the monthly salary and isolated home she had received for her silence, she couldn’t forget about Melone.  

It started innocuously enough, clipping out pictures she saw of him and his father from the clinic’s advertisement brochures, watching him from afar play at the beach with his mother on vacation.  

But it wasn’t enough- she couldn’t just GIVE UP her child.

She started to stalk him, taking photos of him playing in his backyard, going through the garbage to find old school projects and tests in the trash can.  She would try to sneak into the house, bribing guards and getting in fights with the tutors trying to get into Melone’s home.  

Melone didn’t know the whole story between his parents and this “Surrogate” (he had been sworn to secrecy by his mother, knowing it was important to tell adopted children early on or risk causing severe trauma later in life)  but he knew his parents were becoming more and more stressed out.

One day, it came to a head, and Melone’s biological mother successfully was able to meet Melone.  

Melone was a little afraid at first, but his other mommy was so nice to him, and gave him lots of hugs and love like his other mom and played with him at the park.  

They actually had a really fun time together, and it had a lasting impact on Melone for the rest of his life.

But all good things have to end, and for the first time in his young life, Melone was confronted with death.  

Eventually, Melone’s bodyguards (his father had employed some after finding out about Melone's biological mother stalking him) caught up to them, and Melone and his mother tried to escape.  

Melone’s other mother was with the bodyguards,and when Melone saw her, he was unsure of what to do.

He loved both of his mothers, he wanted to stay with both of them, why were they making him choose?

Under His father’s orders The bodyguards, who Melone later found out were associated with passione, shot his biological mother.  Terrified Melone would be shot as well, his adoptive mother dove in front of him to protect him from the bullets.

Both of his mothers were shot, his father had ordered them to kill the bio mother no matter what, even if Melone got shot.  Apparently, MElone’s father would rather risk his son’s life than let his bio mother escape with them and risk the scandal.  Knowing this, his adoptive mother was shot and killed protecting him.  

On that day, Melone lost both of his mothers, the most important people in his life, all because of his father.  

It took a long time for Melone to process what happened-his father didn’t help things either.  He was just as cold and clinical with Melone as ever, and with no one who truly cared about him in his life, Melone withdrew more and more into himself and his studies.

He was civil with his father, and maintained his studies and health, until he officially turned 18.  

After years of planning, he poisoned his father in his sleep and killed him.

The Police were never able to press charges or find any evidence on him, but Passione noticed, and saw potential in him.  

They gave him an ultimatum, pass initiation and join their ranks, or get turned into the police by passione and get his inheritance stolen by the gang.

Without much of a choice, Melone agrees, and finds he actually likes life in la squadra

It goes without saying, his mothers were a huge influence in both his life and his stand.

Both of his mother’s lives were so sad and lonely because they couldn’t have a child.  

He desperately wishes he could have used Baby Face on his mothers, either not realizing or not caring about the implications.

Despite his mother’s best efforts, Melone never really had proper social interaction as a child, and it seriously screwed him over in life, even interacting with la squadra. 

 He’s read up on how to behave in public, social psychology, but it's not the same as learning as a child

It’s easier to learn those things as a child, which is why he makes sure to spend at least a little time with each Baby Face on how to behave and treat others; at least they can succeed where he couldn’t.

It’s also why he can’t control himself around women- he thinks he’s genuinely helping them by giving them children or getting them pregnant.

He’s giving them what his own mothers couldn’t

And you can BET he takes his role as father VERY seriously- you saw how he taught and trained Baby Face in canon.  He’s intense, but he’s also a lot more loving than his own dad was.

I’ll admit, this backstory is a little bit “Soap Opera” but I think it still fits him

[fandomcelery]

Feelings are complicated, aren't they?

Pairing: Santana Lopez/Brittany S. Pierce

Word Count: 2107

Rating: Teens and Up

Tags: Sexuality Crisis, Internalized Homophobia, Pining

Beta: @useless-fanfictions helped me out a lot on this fic, especially since I'm just starting out writing, so a big thanks to them!

Summary: Walking next to Brittany felt normal and right, but at that moment it felt slightly wrong. A bunch of questions were running through her mind. Was she acting differently? Was it obvious that something was off? Oh god, does everyone think that she’s gay?

Or, the one where Santana realizes she might have feelings for Brittany and panics over it.

Read it on Ao3

For the Glee Character "This-or-That" Challenge: @gleethisorthatchallenge

Prompt: Sharing a bed or Sexuality Crisis

The way Santana feels around Brittany is normal, right? Sure, she’s never felt it for any other person—not even any of her previous boyfriends—but it’s a completely normal feeling. And yeah, okay, she also defends Brittany all the time when people insult or make fun of her, and when Brittany sticks up for her and is always by her side, she can never stop smiling. She always feels warm whenever she compliments her about literally anything that she’s wearing, or how her hair looks that day, or really anything that makes Santana feel pretty.

There’s also the fact that they have sex regularly even though they’re in relationships with guys who would willingly have sex with them as well, but that’s different. It must be different, because if it’s not—

No, it’s not an option for it to not be anything but platonic. It’s got to be, it just has to be.

Even though Santana hates when people flirt with Brittany and will usually try to scare them off when others aren’t looking. Or when they get into fights or arguments, big or small, she feels like shit when she can’t talk to Brittany, and then that means they can’t have their sweet lady kisses that make Santana feel like they are the only two people left on the entire planet.

Feelings are complicated, aren’t they?

As long as she always stands her ground, keeping their relationship just friends, and convincing Brittany—and a little bit of herself—that even though they’re in relationships they can have sex and it’s not cheating because they’re both girls, she will be fine. She just has to keep telling herself that their relationship isn’t anything, that they’re strictly friends and that she doesn’t have feelings for her best friend, because if she did then she wouldn’t know what she would do with herself.

She’s not homophobic, and just because Kurt freaking Hummel struts around with his gay flag waving in the air doesn’t mean that everyone can or has to. And even if they do, they’ll get bullied and harassed, just like him. It’s the way that everything goes, the straight popular kids are on top, and the gays are at the bottom, even though that’s ridiculous, it’s the way it goes.

She’ll just keep it to herself—even though there’s nothing there, obviously—and everything will be fine. She hopes that if she keeps telling herself that then maybe it will be.

***

Of course, that’s not what happens. The following Monday, after the weekend Santana had realized that something is different, it seemed like everyone has been staring at the two of them differently, but it might just be her paranoia talking.

Walking next to Brittany felt normal and right, but at that moment it felt slightly wrong. A bunch of questions were running through her mind. Was she acting differently? Was it obvious that something was off? Oh god, does everyone think that she’s gay? She is suddenly on the defensive side, glaring at the people who she thought were looking at her and Brittany weirdly. Maybe people always looked at them this way and neither of them ever noticed or cared; except now she did.

She knows the route they take to get to their next classes by heart because they always walk together, even though their schedules don’t really line up. Most people think that all the Cheerios just walk to class together in groups because the outfits look good together—which they do, she thinks conceitedly—and because of the cheerleading cliques. For a while that’s why Quinn, Brittany, and Santana would walk together, but then they actually got kind of close because of Glee Club, and now Quinn walks with Finn to her classes and Santana walks with Brittany.

During her fourth period that she has alone she can’t stop thinking about Brittany. How when she walks to class she hugs her binder to her chest, or how during class she always fidgets with her pencil when she’s in between writing, or how even if she doesn’t care about what people are talking about, she’ll listen to them anyway (like this one time a few days ago when they had arrived early to glee club and Rachel had come up to Brittany and her to ask for dance lessons, going on and on about something that had to do with her being a star and needing to know how to dance better, and Santana had only been paying attention to Brittany and ignored Rachel’s harping), Santana admires the way Brittany exists, and how it seems like nothing really bothers her. She doesn’t know why all of the sudden it’s hitting her, especially since she’s been friends with her for so long, and no, she doesn’t have feelings for her, they’re just friends.

***

They walk to their usual seats during lunch together, every now and again bumping shoulders with how close they are while they’re talking. Santana sits down across from Brittany, as she doesn’t miss a beat from what she’s saying to sit down.

“And I swear that Lord Tubbington has a gambling addiction, but he won’t stop—” she takes a bite of her food, “—and I don’t know what to do.”

“Why don’t you just take away his laptop privileges?” Santana suggests, also taking a bite of her own food. It’s not bad, however, it’s not good. Then again, it’s the school’s food. When she looks up at Brittany, she looks quizzical, like she hasn’t thought of doing that.

“That probably would work,” Brittany responds, and continues eating.

Santana’s focused on something else. That something else is Brittany’s physical appearance, everything about her: to her flashing smile, to her thin and perfect eyebrows. her slim waist, long legs, and her torso—which she shouldn’t be staring at in the middle of school, and yet she is. She is stunning to Santana, with her lean appearance and bright golden colored hair pulled perfectly back into a ponytail. Her blue eyes seem to twinkle all the time.

“Santana?” Brittany asks after she’s been staring for a moment or two.

“Huh, what? Sorry, I was just, thinking,” she responds quickly and looks away to other tables where other kids are sitting, she lets go of her lip that she must have been biting on.

“About what?” Brittany takes another bite of her food, almost finished, whereas Santana has barely touched hers.

“Nothing important,” she mumbles, taking a drink from her water bottle. The answer seems to satisfy Brittany and they go back to normal and easy conversation like Santana hadn’t been just staring at her best friend’s boobs.

***

Glee Club isn’t that different. Rachel and Mercedes are fighting for a solo that Mr. Schue handed out, he doesn’t know how to handle it, and so they’re trying to argue over one another. Finn, Puck, Matt, and Mike are making bets about something in football. Kurt, Tina, and Artie are talking about something—she can’t hear their conversation, and honestly doesn’t care—and so it’s Quinn, Brittany and her talking about the Cheerios like they always are.

“Sue’s been on our asses about winning at Nationals,” Quinn comments as she sits down next to Brittany.

“She’s just concerned about staying on top,” Santana remarks, looking around the choir room. She looks up at the two who are arguing over one another and laughs a little bit. Everyone knows that Rachel’s going to get the solo, she usually does. Mercedes probably knows that, too, and yet she’s still going to fight for it.

“And her paycheck,” Quinn adds.

Eventually Mr. Schue stood in front of the class, apparently they had sorted it out where Rachel got this solo and Mercedes would get the next one.

This Glee practice they were going to focus on their choreography added with singing, and it wasn’t that big of an issue for the three cheerleaders (and it was mostly for the jocks to practice anyway, since they were the ones having problems, other than Mike, surprisingly).

Afterwards everyone was tired and sore, they had to start over a bunch of times because someone kept messing up (Finn). Slowly the choir room emptied, and Brittany and Santana walked to their next class together. They were going to walk with Quinn, but she had muttered something about a “troll trying to steal her boyfriend” and went off to walk with Finn. They separated at their different classrooms, and the three of them were going to meet up for Cheerios practice that was after school, which was their usual plan.

***

After practice Santana was even more exhausted than when she left Glee rehearsal. She grabs her water bottle that she had placed in her locker when she first got there. She gulps down a quarter of the bottle before putting it back.

There are many girls around her, yet the only one she’s focused on is Brittany.

Ever since they walked into the locker room, Brittany, and another cheerleader—Hailey was her name—were talking nonstop to one another. It’s not like Santana was eavesdropping, but it’s not her fault they were standing so close and speaking so God damn loudly.

“One time she made a girl cry just because she talked back,” Hailey continues while she brushes her hair in the mirror.

“I know, I was there,” Brittany responds, leaning up against the lockers next to Hailey’s that no one’s using. “Sue can be a bitch sometimes.”

Hailey wraps her hair in a ponytail and starts to put the hair tie around it. “Don’t let her hear you say that she might move you down the pyramid,” she jokes, which gets a laugh out of Brittany. “However, she is the best cheerleading coach McKinley can offer, so I guess we’ll have to put up with it,” Hailey states.

They all know that that’s true, no other teacher will coach the Cheerios, and she’s the only one that’s gotten them to Nationals and gets a pretty big paycheck put towards the cheerleading team.

And listen, Santana doesn’t do jealous, okay? And she’s not. She just doesn’t like Brittany hanging out with another person so closely. And it’s because no one understands her like Santana does is all. And sure, Brittany has other friends, but usually they go through Santana to talk to her, so she knows them, or they’re all in the conversation. This is an entire new person, and they’re jokingtogether, which Brittany can do on her own, of course, but-

“Stop pining and either go talk with them or leave already,” Quinn mutters behind her.

Santana whips around and glares at her, and Quinn smirks.

“Oh, come on, don’t think I didn’t notice.” She walks past Santana to get to her locker, and Santana decides to do what Quinn suggested.

She grabs her water bottle from her locker and makes sure all of her things are put away before she leaves to head home.

***

She can’t be in love with her best friend, right? Sure, she and Brittany are close, and they do practically everything together, and Santana loves everything about Brittany, but that doesn’t mean she’s in love with Brittany.

Those thoughts are how Santana finds herself pacing in her room, not for the first time in the last few days, lost in thought. She looks over at the photos that she has on her walls of all of the Cheerios, but there are a few of either her, Brittany, and Quinn, or just the two of them.

She walks over and picks one up to look at it. She gets the same feeling that she’s been getting every time she thinks about Brittany, yet she’s been ignoring it for a while now. Except this time, she doesn’t. She feels butterflies in her stomach and doesn’t even realize she is smiling at Brittany’s picture. She sets down the photo when she does catch herself, and goes to lay down on her bed.

Even if she was gay, how would she know? Would having feelings that aren’t actually feelings enough to be considered gay? And what would everyone else think? Maybe she should turn to the internet, she thinks. She sits up and grabs her laptop that she keeps on her bedside table and loads it up.

A few searches later she realizes that maybe terms like bisexual or even lesbian fit her. Some more questions pop up in her head after that realization, but at least one thing’s certain.

Santana is in love with her best friend, and she has no idea what she’s going to do about it.

[ascalonianpicnic]

Io’s oc Interview

I was tagged by the lovely @just-eyris-things​ and @i-mybrunettelady​ thanks guys <3 sorry i took so long lmao

INTRODUCTION

1. Can you introduce yourself?

“Iovara Mae Durand, founder and former Commander of the Pact. Hi.”

2. What is your gender identity, orientation and relationship status?

“Butch lesbian, currently dating Firstborn Caithe, founder of the Crystal Bloom.”

“Uh, and your gender identity, commander?”

“Butch. Lesbian. What part did you miss.”

3. Where and when were you born?

“The very beginning of Scion, 1305, in a little fishing town on the shore of Lake Doric. My mother insisted on walking all the way to the midwife, a town over, when she went into labor. She wanted to make sure her first child was born somewhere ‘actually clean’ in her own words.” She rolls her eyes. “She was always like that, dedicated to being over the top.”

4. What is your weapon of choice and fighting style?

“My go to is my holoforge. I’ll use basically any gun or sword on hand whenever it’s cooling down.” She toys a little with the pistol hanging from her belt, thinking for a moment. “After Balthazar ruined all my shit, I actually just borrowed Canach’s sword for a while. His chain whip sword. That thing is actually really fun to use.”

5. Lastly, are you happy?

She just laughs.

FAMILY AND FRIENDS

1. What’s your family like? What is your relationship with them?

“It’s uh... it was... family’s complicated. I don’t know how else to put it.”

2. Have you ever ran away from home?

She genuinely smiles for a moment at the memory. “Sure did. When I was 8. My younger brother had just been born, and I was so upset, because my mom had had a nother kid, so I wasn’t the only one anymore, and why wasn’t I enough. You know, I was an only child for years, and I was young, and I suddenly wasn’t the center of attention. So in protest, because clearly my parents didn’t need me anymore, I ran away. I ran all the way up to this hidden grove in the wood north of the lake, and I found this absolutely ancient peach tree, watched over by this old nature spirit. That was when I decided I wanted to be a priestess of Melandru. I spent the night up there, but I did go home the next day. Turns out, taking care of yourself is hard when you’re 8. I returned to that little grove so many times after that though.”

3. Would you consider marriage or having children?

“Marriage, maybe, but no kids. I don’t want the responsibility. Or the extra stress.”

4. Do you secretly hate one of your friends?

“No, I’m very open when I don’t like someone, and I don’t stay friends with them. Some people struggle to take a hint, but that isn’t my fault.”

5. Which friend knows everything about you?

“None know everything, but Lace knows the most I think.”

ASKED BY FANS

1. Are you literate? Have you been to school?

“I’m literate and educated. Went to a fancy ass school in Divinity’s Reach when I was a teen. My engineering skills are self taught from a lot of book research though.”

2. The eeriest prediction you made that later came true?

She gives an odd smile. “I once said ‘Balthazar smite me if I ever spend that much on shoes!’ to Kasmeer. My boots that he wrecked cost me about 150 gold.”

3. What is something you were embarrassingly late to realize?

“I’m allergic to bananas and bell peppers.”

4. Do you have mental health or physical issues?

She laughs.

5. What is your current main goal?

“I’m helping Taimi, Gorrik, and Blish analyze some of my older memories. And,” she gives the interviewer a pointed look, “I’m trying to enjoy the festival.”

CHOICES

1. Drink or food?

“Food. Nothing quite like a fresh piece of fruit straight from the garden, or a home cooked meal using veggies you grew yourself.”

2. Cats or dogs?

She leans down to pet the large black dog laying by her side. “Take a wild guess, go on.”

3. Early bird or night owl?

“Early bird.”

4. Optimist or pessimist?

She laughs again.

5. Sassy or sarcastic?

“Is there a difference?”

HAVE YOU EVER

1. Been caught sneaking out?

“Loads of times. My dad usually let it slide though.”

2. Broke a bone?

“Getting stabbed by a massive sword wielded by a god will break many bones if you’re lucky.”

3. Received flowers?

“No, I’m the one who gives flowers. Fresh cut from my garden. Don’t try to outdo my flowers, you can’t compete.”

4. Ghosted someone?

“Technically yeah, sorry Kas!”

5. Pretended to laugh at a joke you didn’t get?

“Yeah, it’s called flirting.”

[bumblingbeasblackhole]

Why Momo Yaoyorozu would have been a more effective hero as a plus size woman.

Hello all, it’s time for a BNHA rant. A rant in my opinion that is long over due, and that my friends is on one of my favorite characters in the franchise. Momo Yaoyorozu AKA Creati.

Buckle up lads were in for a hefty analysis. (Note the read more) I promise it’s worth the read.

Now, we all know Class 1-A’s vice class rep and resident braniac Momo.

Just in case you’re new here or need a refresher, Momo’s Quirk is called Creation. The basic breakdown of her quirk is that her body uses the Lipids (fats) in her body to create any inorganic material of her choosing.

Now, there’s two key things to remember about her quirk.

First, her quirk requires her to use her physical body reserves in order to function

Second, she has to know how to make those matierals. From bottom to top. That means she has to not only have a design of what she wants in her head but the exact molecular compounds to create those objects as well.

Momo to her credit does this well. She’s been flushed out slightly enough to see various instances where she’s had to improve either on her knowledge of materials and compounds or her speed to achieve the full creation of an item. It’s something we see from her constantly in both the Manga and the Anime.

For example, the first time we are (formally) introduced to Momo’s quirk she creates a few items

A staff for herself, a sword for Jirou, a net to contain the thugs, a thick insulated blanket large enough to cover both her and Jirou, and finally the remembrance of her hero suit.

These items all together begin to wear Momo out as she’s left panting and even tells Jirou that she has a hard time creating such taxing objects on her body. This is stated to the audience the first time we see her in action. It takes her time, concentration, and most importantly her body’s lipid reserves.

This is the first time we see Momo wear herself rather thin. While this in itself is impressive and a great introduction into the character and her abilities and strategic wit in a battle, the rather more harmful implications are yet to be seen. This incident, while foreshadowing her later issues, does not compare to other instances later on the series.

There are three key issues with Momo as she is currently.

Her body/character design inherently limit her abilities as a hero.

The push for her to be a sexy hero/character is ultimately determinetal to her effectiveness as both a character and a hero.

Her intellect is not reflected by the way she operates as a hero. Instead, it is often negated for the sake of her design.

These points seem vague or over harped but I’ll go into detail about them. (Hang in there, this is well thought out and developed, I promise)

But before I get into the key issues and solutions, there’s a lot that’s absolutely fantastic about Momo.

Momo is a great character because she is more than the typical snobby rich girl trope. In fact, she’s not at all snobby. She is the most helpful, kind, and oblivious rich character I’ve ever seen. It’s part of her personality sure, but it’s not the only factor. It’s more or less just a gag for laughs between the other characters.

She is also relatable in the way she has self worth issues, different from Midoriya’s self worth issues. She was never (that were aware of) beaten down or belittled. Her issues sprouted from the way she was confident in her abilities, intellect, and quirk only to be thrown in the deepend UA.

Which idk about y’all, but honestly that shit hits home. If you were ever the smart-kid-who-learned-quickly-and-skated-through-school-only-to-be-out-of-your-depth-with-new-self-worth-issues-when-that-is-no-longer-the-case (or anything similar) than you catch my drift. So score for relatability.

Alas, onwards.

Let’s tackle the first problem.

The way she treats her body now is detrimental to her quirk usage long term.

I’ll explain,

Momo’s quirk functions relatively similar to another hero we are later introduced too, Fatgum.

Now I know what you’re already thinking,

“Bea! She’s supposed to be sexy! She’s supposed to be feminine! Her quirk burns it all so she can look like that! Fatgum has to only store it all!”

On some levels you’re right.

On most though, incredibly wrong.

Momo’s figure is one of the main (and slightly controversial) aspects of her character. I mean, look at her design versus Fatgum’s

See the key differences? I sure do.

Fatgum’s quirk is called Fat Absorbtion. Basically it grants Fatgum the ability to adhere any objects to his body and make them sink into his body fat upon contact with it. And/Or he can build and channel all of the fat in his body into one overpowered and energized punch or attack. (As seen in the overhaul arc) which leaves his body, you guessed it, deprecated and thin. Much like Momo’s, they both use their body’s fat as a tool whether through expelling it or storing it for later use.

I point this out because we see time and time again throughout the series where Momo pushed herself to the limit where she has to expel extraordinary amounts of her body to get the job done. But in reality she only makes a few larger objects. This compared to Fatgum who uses his fat reserves strategically and only in the toughest of battles does he push his body’s reserves to zero. Whereas Momo does this constantly. This is because of her inefficient way of treating her quirk and ultimately, her design.

Let’s discuss some prime examples:

In the training camp arc, Momo makes roughly 15-30 masks for all of Class B students, and half of Class A. Which in itself is a tall order. When we see her again, she’s bloodied, exhausted, barely conscious, worn, and welded to Awase half alive. She even struggles as she makes the tiny tracker she places on the back of the Nomu. After this, in the hospital (pre Kamino rescue) she was unconscious for a day and half due to quirk overuse and dehydration.

Third, in the first movie, My Hero Academia: Two Heroes, we once again see Momo’s fatal flaw as she and a group of Class 1-A students race through the security tower on I-island. She uses her quirk to make cannons of course, a Momo signature, to fend off the security bots fairly early on in the battle. As she continues to make ammo and other items needed to win the battle Momo teeters on the brink of passing out from, you guessed it, dehydration and starvation. Jirou ends up catching Momo as she’s nearly passes out from the lack of fat/substance in her body after making the cannon and ammo.

Then we see the same issue in the second movie My Hero Academia: Heroes Rising. Where Momo is used both to create extra supplies on the island. She passes out after that alone and only wakes up later as the class is regrouping after four villains attack simultaneously. Even after rest and food, we see her later again to make two massive cannons as the first line of defense against the incoming villains. From the start of the second battle Momo is worn out and clearly lacking in lipids to participate fully in a fight. Here, she even keels over and says that she’s at her limit and looks like she’s on the brink of death via dehydration and starvation. Which she very much is.

We also so see this in Provisonal Licensing Exam arc when Momo, Tsu, Jirou, and Shoji are trapped together by a group from another school. Here this is important because the leader of that group has super intelligence granted to her by her quirk (and tea lol) has come up with a “fool proof” plan to beat the group. The bottom line of that plan is simple. Wear. Momo. Out. Which half way works too, until Momo figures out what the other group is trying to do and thinks her way out of that situation. Although, she does use up a decent amount of her body’s reserves before she figures out their plan.

^^^ this scene brings up an extremely concerning point. If a villain knows what her quirk is, and has i don’t know, seen her, then they’re going to do the exact same thing Saiko (the girl in the photo above from the licensing exam arc) attempted to do. Exhaust Momo’s resources.

Now, this has been brought up once in the actual show. During the training camp arc, we see each students training method (designed by Aizawa) in order to overwork and strengthen their quirks. For Momo, that looked like binge eating and creating simultaneously.

This also shows us that Aizawa is at least somewhat paying attention to the drawbacks of her quirk. He may not have been there for some of the more concerning times she’s over worked herself, but it’s not a hard thing to work out just by how she looks and how her quirk functions. He also sees how her speed with her quirk hindered her like in her battle against Tokoyami. However, this is the only time we see this. Plus, this is not nearly enough of solution to the problem. Which in all honesty is simple.

For all intensive purposes, Momo should be a Plus Sized woman.

Not just for diversity or validity of readers. Although it would have been a score for the plus size community since it’s always lacking here for us bad bitches but because it would have been more natural to her character. If she had a bulkier physique or even just a chubbier build she would be way more effective in a battle or even just as a hero.

Her quirk burns the fat in her body instantly while in use. Which means she needs to have a healthy reserve of it at all times, especially since I’m willing to bet her metabolism is crazy fast. Relying on the normal/average caloric intake is irrational for her quirks functionality. Her diet should look more like Fatgum’s where we see him constantly eating in order to fuel his quirk. At the very least, Momo needs to always have foods dense in fats on hand in case she’s in a dire situation where she’s running low on reserves. She would be much more effective that way. I cannot tell you the amount of times I’ve watched a scene where she’s wearing herself out and been exasperated by the fact that she didn’t have even a simple granola bar on her for emergencies.

Hear me out,

Plus size people are extremely capable of doing extraordinary things. As well as also being fit while still having a larger/healthier frame. It’s not all that uncommon. In fact, it’s something that fictional storytelling (an ex machina if you will) isn’t needed in order to cover the realistic applications. There are plenty of people in the word who are of a larger build and are also active, fit, and in overall good health standing.

In real life, Ashley Graham is an excellent example. For those who aren’t privy to this goddess, she’s a plus size model, mother, and fitness enthusiast.

Here’s just a taste of this wonderful goddesses workouts can look like:

(Credit Instagram : @ashleygharam)

Which brings me to my next point

The need for Momo to be sexy is detrimental to her effectiveness as both a hero and as a character.

I know, I know, half of Momo’s whole thing is being sexy, rich, and oblivious. I’m well aware.

But here’s a fun tidbit. Plus size women can be sexy too! Shocker I know! Sarcasm aside, having Momo be a plus size woman wouldn’t hinder her sex appeal if done correctly. In fact, I think it would only make her more appealing, marketable, and effective narratively.

Not that she really needs to be sexy at all, but we will swing back to that.

Remember Ashley Graham? The model I mentioned like a paragraph ago? Well, she’s an example that plus size women can be just as sexy/attractive as anyone else. Which only proves that Momo could still have been an attractive character even as a plus size woman. In fact, it would have been uplifting to see a plus size character who’s whole gag isn’t revolved around them losing weight to fit a societal goal, but instead a character who is plus sized, healthy, and proud. Who utilizes her body in a positive manner. I mean imagine the marketablility to younger audiences! If you still don’t believe me that a plus size woman can still be attractive and show skin like Momo would ultimately have to do in order to use her quirk, check out Ashley motherfuckin Graham doing just that

No matter how they would have gone on to design her as a plus size character, she could have still been stunning. Even if they kept her in the same costume design! Which is garbage but that’s a tangent for another time

But beyond equality and all that good stuff:

Momo being a plus size woman would mean she would have more ability for long term endurance in a battle. As it stands now, Momo taps out of a battle fairly fast. She’s tends to make one larger item and then she’s tapped. Which is highly inefficient in a battle. If anything it seems to be on par with how Midoriya’s quirk affected him in the beginning of the series. He had to sacrifice a part of his body in order to land an effective attack. Sound familiar? Well yeah. Because Momo does the same thing with Creation and she’s had it for years.

Each time Momo over uses her quirk, she’s left on the brink of passing out, if she hadn’t already, leaving her vulnerable and useless in the field alone. Each time she’s pushed herself past her limit she’s had her classmates to catch her when she falls. That’s not practical. Aizawa said it himself in the quirk apprehension test way back in chapter 6 of the manga.

So why is Momo considered differently? Why doesn’t Aizawa say something? Simple. He’s typically not around for these occurrences.

Momo doesn’t have to over use her quirk in simulations. She only does that when there’s real stakes and people on the line. The issue with that is that once she leaves UA, the stakes will always be real, all the time. Isn’t now the best time to nip this issue in the bud? I think so. But also I understand how Aizawa either hasn’t fully caught on, or hasn’t dealt with it. I mean, between villain attacks and our main character constantly almost killing himself recklessly in battle, he’s got a lot on his plate.

The other issue with her “sexy” design is that it negates from her overall character. In all official art we see for BNHA we see Momo typically left out, or hypersexualized. This detracts from her substance of being intelligent and creative. She’s often the butt of the joke when it comes to Mineta’s perverted jokes/schemes as well. Between the cheerleader outfits incident and the locker room scene Momo is constantly written off. Whereas Midnight, a pro hero and teacher at UA, who is known for her sexiness and uses it as her brand, uses her sexuality effectively without diminishing her actual worth as a hero or teacher. But then again Midnight is an adult, who is branded as the 18+ hero. Momo is a student and minor. But y’all still aren’t ready for that conversation yet.

Which brings me to the final point of this long winded rant. (Thanks if you’ve stuck around this long! We’re almost done! Follow me if you don’t already. I write stuff, paint stuff, and theorize/analyze stuff for bnha)

The way Momo is now, Discounts/Negates her supposed intellect

As I’ve mentioned already in this rant, how Momo operates now isn’t working out so well on her favor.

But that doesn’t really make sense considering she’s so fucking intelligent. I mean she’s literally top of the class academically. There is no reason for her to be so brilliant and also so bullheaded in her own quirk use. She shows us time and time again that she has brain power. Her quirk requires she be extremely intelligent in order to comprehend and apply molecular compounds in order to even sort of correctly use her quirk.

So it makes no sense that such simple solutions evade her constantly. Like I find it extremely hard to believe that Momo has never thought, “hmm I’m on the brink of death, maybe I should have eaten more” or “the last few battles left me weak, maybe I should find a solution or ask a teacher,” or even “man, my endurance isn’t all that great. I should work on that,” like anything along those lines would lead her intelligent brain to the conclusion that since whatever caloric intake she’s doing now is far to easy to burn through and perhaps the simple solution is to gain more fatty mass.

It honestly discounts Momo as a character if she’s constantly breaking down when such a simple solution is available to her. Plus on a more lighthearted note, it would be kind of great for Momo to be old money rich and plus sized. I mean it would be kind of ironically hilarious in my opinion.

Okay Bea, so what’s the point?

The point my friends is that female characters can be so much more. Especially Momo. There is always an opportunity for characters like Momo and Ochako (who’ll I’ll be breaking down next/soon) to have more substanse and impact to them than just being the second line of defense sexy characters.

Even in the actual universe that is BNHA, Momo as a hero student has far more potential than she is currently operating at.

Now, don’t get me wrong I understand that Horikoshi has a plateful of characters to deal with and Momo is probably on the bottom of the list, but it doesn’t mean we can’t imagine more for her. Because honestly it doesn’t even really matter if she changes for the better or not in canon, it’s the idea that there’s a character out there who all people can relate to whether it be average watchers/readers, plus size hopefuls, people with insecurities, readers/viewers who just like her quirk/design, or someone like me who saw a character and gravitated to the mostly relatable way she was written.

I love Momo as a character truly, she’s one of my favorites and I heavily associate with her. (Shocker I know, I mean she’s literally my icon that I painted myself) I am in no way tearing the character, franchise, or Horikoshi down. I am just observing what could have been (or could be but probably not) and pointing it out. So that maybe, just maybe, in the future there will be more characters who others can relate too. Other characters who are used at their full inspirational potential. But also, to point out some things that not only round out perspective on a character, but maybe even highlight how worth it it can be to look deeper into a characters through analysis. Hopefully I’ve done at least one of those things through this long post.

_____

Finally, thank you if you read this far into my gigantic breakdown.

Follow me if you don’t already and want too. If you do already follow me, please reblog so that others can read it if they want too.

I plan on doing more character breakdowns for BNHA, I’ve got a few already in the drafts and a cc if you have suggestions or questions. I also write fics for BNHA, so check out my AO3 link on my blog page for that. Also, you can bet your ass I’ll be writing a plus size Momo fic sometime soon. I’m really inspired on the topic (if you couldn’t tell already).

[callous-and-misunderstood]

Marlos 44 or 117 for the ask game?!

Thank you so much!

Marlos, and 117: “Can I do your hair?”

This got a little sappy, but I love to write a vulnerable Mal...so here’s an angst/fluff one-shot!

It was Saturday. Saturday was Mal’s favorite day of the week because it was the start of the weekend, and breakfast on Saturday was always pancakes, which she always topped with strawberries and whipped cream. She even woke up early to get a full plate, though she often went back to bed after she’d eaten.

But it was now noon, so breakfast was over. And Mal was still in bed with no pancakes or strawberries.

Mal was in a very, very bad mood.

It had been brewing all week, a slowly growing storm her friends had been eyeing nervously. Mal’s bad moods were notoriously destructive, though when her friends worked together they were able to keep her somewhat docile.

But this weekend, only Carlos was on campus. Evie had left the night before to spend the weekend with Snow White and ‘bond’, whatever that meant. The tourney team had a game in Sherwood Forest, and the cheer team had gone with, meaning Jay, Ben, Lonnie, and Jane were also gone. So, just Carlos and Mal were wandering the mostly empty halls of Auradon Prep.

Normally, Mal would relish the quiet on campus, especially since Audrey and Chad were in Sherwood Forest with the tourney and cheer teams. But after her last class on Friday, she’d crawled into her bed, pulled the covers over her head, and hadn’t moved since.

Carlos rapped on her door firmly, unsurprised by the lack of response. He pulled out the spare key Evie had given him and Jay, and let himself into the room.

“Ugh,” Carlos wrinkled his nose as he took in the state of Mal’s side of the room. She hadn’t picked up anything all week, so dirty socks, crumpled papers, and half-eaten granola bars littered the floor.

“Go AWAY!” Mal grumbled from her cocoon of blankets.

“I have strawberries,” Carlos countered, pulling a full carton out from his bag.

Mal paused, then stuck a hand out from her nest.

“Give them.”

“Nope, you gotta get out of bed if you want them,” Carlos said.

Mal groaned loudly.

“M, come on,” Carlos coaxed, waving the strawberries near her, trying to use the scent to lure her out of bed.

It sort of worked. Mal pulled herself up into a sitting position, keeping herself wrapped in the blankets so only her face was visible.

Mal did not look like Mal. Her skin was washed out in grey, her eyes dull and unfocused. This was not just a bad mood. Something big was bugging her.

“Hey, dragon,” Carlos said softly with a smile, keeping his worry out of his voice.

“Hi,” Mal muttered, itching her nose. “Can I have those strawberries now?”

Carlos relented and handed her the carton, which she tucked into eagerly. A bit of warmth came back to her face as she ate her favorite food. Carlos made himself comfortable at her desk, gingerly throwing out a rotting orange and moving aside a stack of assignments that hadn’t been done.

“So,” Carlos said once the strawberries were mostly gone. “What’s up?”

“What’d you mean?” Mal asked nonchalantly, well aware why he was asking.

Carlos gave her a look, which Mal turned away from.

“Come on, dragon. You’ve been grumpier than the actual Grumpy this week, and you didn’t even get out of bed for pancakes this morning. What’s up?”

Mal grumbled, sinking further into her blanket pile. Even after nearly a year in Auradon, she still hated actually talking about her feelings. With Jay and Evie, she could play it off, but Carlos…he always knew. No matter how much she hid it, he would find her with a raised eyebrow and something that soothed her into talking through the issue.

But strawberries weren’t enough to bring her out of her slump this time. This was more than just a bad grade on a test or an art critique that was too harsh or being bullied by a fellow student.

Carlos watched Mal for a moment, taking in her withdrawn energy and the scattered mess in the room. Then he stood, and wandered towards Evie’s side of the room, finding the hairbrush with purple hair wrapped in it on Evie’s vanity rather than Mal’s.

“Can I do your hair?”

Mal looked at Carlos directly for the first time, her eyes watering a bit. That…sounded nice.

Mal wasn’t a fan of physical affection, but her earliest memory was Maleficent brushing her hair to soothe her tears about…something. She didn’t remember why she was upset, but she did remember how loved she felt while Maleficent ran the broken hairbrush through her short hair, humming a song that sounded like something she’d heard in a dream. Of course, as she’d gotten older that feeling of love had died, but. Yeah. Carlos brushing her hair sounded really nice.

“Sure,” she agreed, and let her blanket-hood fall.

Carlos climbed on to the bed, perching on his knees as he assessed the damage. She obviously hadn’t brushed it in a few days, judging by the size of the knot at the back of her head. But it wasn’t anything Carlos couldn’t work through—he’d brushed Cruella’s hair enough to know what was beyond repair.

Gently, he took the brush and began to comb through Mal’s hair.

“It’s so much longer now,” he commented.

“Well, no one’s going to grab it in a fight anymore,” Mal shot back, though there was no malice in her retort, as they both knew that was the actual reason she’d kept her hair so short.

“Hmmm,” Carlos agreed, gently detangling the purple knots.  

Long hair on the Isle wasn’t smart. Jay and Evie had been inconvenienced many a time in a fight by someone grabbing their hair, but they both refused to do anything about it. Mal had her hair length used against her once, and ever since then it had never grown past her chin. But now, it was trailing well below her shoulders.

Mal sighed, letting herself relax into Carlos’ comforting touch. They spent a few more moments in silence, Carlos moving slowly through the rat’s nest in the back to avoid hurting Mal.

“It’s just…” Mal began, then stopped.

Carlos said nothing, knowing that Mal needed space to sort through her thoughts before she spoke.

“I don’t feel like me,” she whispered after a long pause.

“How so?” Carlos asked just as quietly.

“I dunno, it’s just. We spent so long trying to…survive. And I spent so long trying to be my mom, or at least please her. And I know I’m supposed to be all good now, and all Auradon-perfect, but I just. Can’t forget what I spent my whole life being.”

Carlos hummed, setting down the hairbrush once the knots had been detangled. He deftly began to plait her hair into two braids.

“Like. Am I just a pretty pink princess from now on? Not someone from the Isle? I mean, even the other kids have stopped acting like we’re scary. I can’t even get Jane to jump when I say ‘boo’ anymore,” Mal pulled her knees tightly to her chest, letting a few tears fall from her eyes. “I just. Don’t know what is me, and what is someone else telling me who to be.”

Carlos tied off the braids then turned Mal to face him. She looked into his dark brown eyes and saw herself reflected in them.

“Mal, I know I haven’t known you as long as Jay, or even Evie, but I know that we will always be part of two vastly different worlds. We will always be trying to figure out what we actually want, us, not what everyone else wants us to want. We can’t avoid that. I mean, even if we spent our whole lives on the Isle, it wouldn’t be perfect. We would be trying to live up to impossible expectations. It’s the same here, because we can’t just forget where we came from. I can’t forget what Cruella did to me, anymore than you can forget what your mom wanted from you. But now, we have a real chance to figure out who we are, what we want. Yeah, Auradon isn’t the fairy-tale they pretend it is. But we have room to grow, to make our own way. And I’ll be with you the whole time, whoever you end up being.”

Mal was weeping openly now, and Carlos pulled her into his arms, tucking her head under his chin. He rocked her slightly, letting Mal cry herself out.

She should have talked to Carlos sooner, she realized. He had had the hardest time adjusting out of any of them; a year later and he still woke up screaming from nightmares about Cruella. He would never be fully Auradon, no matter how much therapy and medication he did. And neither would Evie and Jay, though they were so good at fitting in. But just because Jay was the school’s star athlete and Evie was running an incredibly successful fashion business did not mean they weren’t from the Isle.

No matter how well they adapted, that was one thing they could never get rid of. The past didn’t just disappear, even though Mal often wished it would.

“What’s that saying, from Mogwli’s human family?” Mal sniffed against Carlos’s chest.

“What?”

“You know, the boy from the jungle, but who’s still a human boy.”

“Ohhh, I see someone was paying attention in history class.”

“Shut up,” Mal headbutted Carlos softly.

“Mm, you can take the boy out of the jungle, but you can’t take the jungle out of the boy?”

“Yes. But it’s us and the Isle.”

“Exactly,” Carlos pressed a gentle kiss to the top of her head. “You can’t take the Isle out of us, but that doesn’t mean it defines us.”

[soulmate-game]

Part 1 … Part 2

“So, How was your first day of school in America?” Lois asked as her small family all sat around the table eating dinner. It was almost painfully ordinary, traditional. A married couple and two kids eating a normal dinner and talking about their day.

All of them appreciated that one piece of normalcy in their worlds of superheroes and villains and PTSD.

Marinette snorted, almost choking on her forkful of food. After managing to somehow swallow without causing herself discomfort, she smiled at her mother figure.

“Honestly? I know Jon could fly and I could teleport to school in practically no time at all, but somehow Damian still manages to seem more impressive.”

“Right?!” Jon agreed emphatically, leaning over the table towards her and almost getting his whole plate of food smashed against his chest. “Probably because helicopters are huge and look awesome, but we’re still just us when we use our powers.”

Marinette nodded sagely at that reasoning as if it was something actually serious. Tikki, who was sitting next to her plate with a half-eaten cookie, giggled.

“That makes sense. But be careful Kaalki doesn’t hear you referring to them as ‘not impressive—‘“ Marinette was cut off before she could even finish her sentence.

“Too late, I already heard that blasphemy,” the other Kwami’s voice carried down from upstairs, making Lois and Clark’s lips twitch up in amusement. “I’m a god, dear, I have even better hearing than Kal-El,” for some reason the little horse god always referred to the boys by their kryptonian names, but they didn’t seem to mind much. “Not as impressive as a helicopter, hah! See if I let you use my fabulous powers anytime soon, Guardian or no Guardian.”

Marinette just rolled her eyes. Technically she could just command Kaalki, but that was against her morals and the horse god would never keep her from responding to an Akuma attack anyway. This was just harmless teasing.

And it was really nice in contrast to everything they were used to dealing with.

“Okay, but besides the helicopter,” Clark pressed gently after everyone’s chuckles quieted down. His face was open with genuine curiosity, and a little bit of worry that Marinette caught onto instantly. “I know Damian isn’t always the easiest person to get along with or understand. Did the rest of the day go by alright?”

Marinette actually set her fork down on her plate, her smile turning a little gentle. “Actually? Yeah. When we first spoke I thought he was a stuck-up jerk like some of my ex-friends and a bully of mine from Paris. But he’s just not good with people,” Marinette’s smile turned even softer as she gazed down at the table, at some memory nobody else could see. “It reminds me of my friend Kagami, from Paris. She acts pretty similar. Really impersonal and prickly on the outside, but once you get to know her she’s the most loyal friend you’ll have. Her mom is really strict though, and Kagami never got to interact with a lot of kids her own age, so she still has issues figuring out how to behave around others sometimes,” Marinette actually ended up laughing a little, rubbing the back of her neck. “We uh, we actually had a crush on the same person back when we first met and it sparked a pretty rough rivalry for a while. Once we got past that though, we ended up being best friends.”

Jon snickered, trading knowing glances with their parents. They had already agreed that, unless Damian or Bruce told her themselves, Marinette would have to figure out the Bat’s identities on her own.

“That sounds very familiar,” Jon stated with a little nod. “Me and Damian fought when we first met, too. Legend has it that Dad and Bruce, Damian’s dad, didn’t get along right away either.”

It was Clark’s turn to snort. “I think it’s just a Wayne thing,” the man agreed, amused. “They don’t like getting close to anyone right off the bat,” Lois kicked his leg under the table for that pun, but Clark cheerfully ignored it. “It is pretty funny that you have a similar experience with someone completely unrelated, though. Maybe we should invite her over sometime? Do you know when her school’s next break is?”

Marinette sat up straight in her chair, her smirk wide and almost blinding at the prospect of seeing one of her closest friends in person again. They video chatted and called often enough, but it wasn’t the same. “Actually! Kagami told me that she’s going to Gotham next month for a fencing competition. She’s an Olympic hopeful, you know. She has to make a good enough impression in different national and international competitions to be selected,” Marinette was almost bouncing in her seat, looking like a female version of Jon for a moment with her vibrant blue eyes shining with rare unhindered excitement and her body unable to stay still from the energy.

“I heard that Gotham was holding the World fencing finals this year,” Lois remarked, but kept eye contact with Clark for a moment as the two communicated silently in a way even telepaths couldn’t copy. Marinette recognized the hesitance in their faces, and her bouncing stopped immediately. She knew why they would be reluctant to let her go.

“I know Gotham is dangerous and I still have attacks pretty often,” Marinette’s voice was suddenly soft, but firm in a way that the rest of their little family hadn’t heard from her much at all. It made Clark and Lois look at her, waiting for her to finish making her point patiently. “But self defense isn’t really an issue. Even without any powers, without transforming, I…” Marinette took a breath to steel herself before continuing. “I learned martial arts from Maman. And I’ve used the Miraculous so long that all the combat experience of the previous Ladybugs is mostly muscle memory by now. And Kagami is more than just a fencer, her mom’s trained her in all sorts of sword fighting her whole life. Trust me, nobody messes with Kagami and gets away with it easily,” Marinette actually looked down at her hands, watching as she essentially had a thumb war with herself to avoid meeting anyone’s eyes.

“I don’t think physical attacks are what we’re worried about,” Lois admitted slowly, frowning. “I mean, yes, it’s a concern. But if I remember the dates for the competition correctly, I’ll be out of town for my first long distance job since you came to live with us. Clark will be at work during the day on the weekend, though maybe he can get a day or two off,” Lois gently worried her bottom lip with her teeth for a second. “I suppose, if Jon wants to go with you, it wouldn’t be as much of a problem if something happens…”

Oh. They weren’t worried about people attacking her. They were worried about her own mind. Which, after the last few months? Was perfectly fair.

“I don’t mind if—“

But, as life usually ended up, they were interrupted from their peace. Everyone jolted in their seats as the door was unceremoniously kicked down, and a man in his early twenties walked in carrying a mountain of boxes in his arms. Marinette blinked, no longer on guard since the rest of her new family immediately relaxed. But still, she was confused. Nobody said anything about having a visitor today.

“I know, I know. I haven’t been in touch for way too long, give us a little forewarning, blah blah blah. I brought presents this time though,” the man said, cheerful and casual and blasé. With the boxes on the center of the dining table, Marinette could finally get a good look at him.

He was probably about twenty four or twenty five, if Marinette’s ever-sharp eyes were correct (they hardly ever weren’t), and his hair was spiked up with a bit of gel, but not too much. Just enough to give it kind of a tousled-rebel look, and it was cropped close to his head on the sides. He had on a black leather jacket with spikes on the shoulders and slightly down the arms, with slightly baggy black jeans and a plain, worn red shirt. Dark black sunglasses rested on the top of his head, even though the sun had been down for a while.

He did not meet the usual Kent aesthetic of a charming, traditional nuclear family. He was more of an… oddly joyful punk. It actually gave her slight Luka and Jagged vibes, and made her relax a bit into her chair. Contrary to what most might think, Marinette had a bit of a soft spot for the punk rocker look. Most people, that she had met at least, who wore it on a regular basis were amazing people with great senses of humor and large personalities.

“Old man, I got you socks,” he called out with a lazy smirk, chucking the first small box over at Clark. The man caught it with a fond eye roll.

“You always get me socks.”

“Maybe if you stopped being boring, I’d get you something better,” the stranger mocked with good humor. “Lois, jewelry that you’ll never wear,” he handed the box over to the woman with significantly more care, before sliding over one of the bigger boxes to her as well. “And a new camera that you will actually use.”

“Hey, Wait a second, you know you don’t have to—“

“And for the squirt,” the man interrupted without letting Lois finish saying that there was no need to spend so much money. He tossed the last big boxes over to Jon one at a time carelessly, smirking the whole time that Jon playfully scrambled for them. “Video games, geeky shirts, and inside jokes,” he stated happily.

With the table now clear of boxes, he finally noticed the extra body. He blinked, making silent eye contact with Marinette for a tense moment.

“Okay, she’s too old to be a secret child. Did someone make another clone? Did Jon get a girlfriend that looks freakishly like a long lost Asian family member? What did I miss?” He asked, never taking his eyes off Marinette. Clark grimaced.

“If you didn’t break your phone so often, maybe we would have been able to tell you sooner,” the man said slowly, cautiously, with his eyes never straying from the stranger. “This is Marinette. Marinette, this is Connor. He’s… Jon’s brother,” the pause there was a bit odd, and Marinette frowned at the look on Clark’s face. It was like he didn’t know what to say at all, or how to say it. “Marinette is living with us for the foreseeable future. If we get the chance we might officially adopt her, so she isn’t going anywhere anytime soon.”

“Woah woah woah, what?” Marinette’s voice came out a lot squeakier than intended, the girl thoroughly whiplashed by this situation. It was hard to think straight. “I— we never talked about adoption.” Clark’s eyebrows furrowed.

“Well, not in as many words,” he conceded slowly. “It would be incredibly hard, and we wanted to give you time to settle in before asking. But… well, you’re officially an American citizen and we all feel like you’re family already. So…”

“You wouldn’t have to change your name,” Lois was quick to interject, watching Marinette’s face worriedly. “And you can say no. You’re already a Kent. We would just like to make it official legally, if and when you’re ready.”

“Okay, stop making the poor girl freak out,” Connor interrupted, eyes also on Marinette and gentle in their concern. He gave her a lopsided smile. “Ignore them. Clark never had great timing that wasn’t related to legitimate danger. So, sorry I didn’t get you anything,” he leaned back casually, thumbs hooked on his jacket pockets lazily. “Didn’t expect I’d have a new sister when I came back to visit.”

Marinette calmed down a little, but emotions still overflowed in her head, her chest still tight and the air feeling too thin. She offered Connor a shaky smile before standing up, looking over to Clark and Lois. “Um, I— can I— I’m tired.”

Clark sighed, nodding even as his face fell at Marinette’s state. “Yeah. We’ll talk about the competition some more in the morning, get some rest.”

The girl only nodded before making a hasty retreat up to her room, even forgetting to take care of her only half-empty plate. Tikki did her best to calm her bolder down from her place hidden in the girl’s hair, but it wasn’t doing much good. She just needed space, and time to try and process everything.

—*—*—*—*—*

“Aren’t you cold?” Connor’s voice made Marinette jolt, looking over at him with wide eyes. Nobody had ever followed her on her post-nightmare trips before. She wasn’t even transformed. She just sat, in her pajamas, on the empty terrace of her old home. It hadn’t been sold yet so she wasn’t worried about scaring anybody.

“I… should have expected you to be the other Superboy, honestly,” Marinette deflected with a weak smile before turning to look over the city again. She licked her lips, trying to calm herself down. “And yeah, I’m a little cold, but it’s no big deal. I’ll just go back home before it gets too bad.”

“You’re trembling,” he pointed out casually. And she was, her whole body was practically vibrating against the terrace railing. Marinette only gave out a pitiful laugh.

“That’s not from the cold.”

Connor only sighed, crossing his arms and leaning back against the wall behind them. Gave the girl a little space.

“What did… What did Clark and Lois tell you? About me?” Marinette decided to ask tentatively. Connor raised one brow, honestly a little surprised that she didn’t also have super hearing to go with her powers. It was slowly becoming more and more obvious that Marinette was not exactly like the other Kents, and Connor only liked the jumpy little girl more for it.

“As much as they could without feeling like they were crossing a line,” Connor admitted. “That they took you in after an accident during a metropolis attack a few months ago, when you had nobody else reliable enough to take care of you. That you’re not Kryptonian, but still special and knew about all of our identities already. But strangely enough they didn’t mention teleportation or the fact that you were a Parisian superhero, not that I’m really all that surprised.”

Marinette smiled, snickering a bit at that last part before sobering again. “Is it… weird?”

Connor silently examined the girl for a moment, she probably expected him to ask what she meant. And maybe if he was anybody else, he would have.

“To suddenly come home to a new person that I’m suddenly supposed to accept as a part of the family? Not really. In fact, you’re probably the most normal surprise I’ve dealt with in years.”

“But,” Marinette looked back at him, eyebrows furrowed and blue eyes swimming with uncertainty. “But I just show up out of nowhere, and you really just accept me? Just like that? I mean, you’ve known me less than a day and you just saw me teleport to Paris in the middle of the night— you aren’t worried at all? Or suspicious, or— you really just accept me just like that?”

Connor couldn’t help but chuckle, pushing himself off the wall to lean over the terrace railing with her. “You know, technically I’m only eight years old.”

Marinette flinched with surprise at the subject change, eyes wide. “Huh?”

Connor laughed at her confusion, rustling her hair a bit. “I’m a clone. I was made with Superman’s DNA, and that of another asshole we won’t mention. Don’t tell Lois I swore. Anyway, I was ‘born’ as a teenager,” he used finger quotations to show that he wasn’t exactly born normally. “With all the mental development and knowledge of a sixteen year old. Pretty much, anyway, but I was still a newborn,” he shrugged. “Clark wasn’t exactly thrilled. Jon was eight at the time, which is why Clark can never decide if I’m the older or younger brother, and he wasn’t exactly planning on another kid back then. Not to mention the whole ‘created in order to kill Superman if he ever went bad,’ and ‘might be a spy because I was made by his arch nemesis’ thing,” Connor waved his hand as if this blasé info dump didn’t actually matter. Marinette just gaped at him, which made it hard for the guy not to smirk. “Point is, Clark was suspicious. Didn’t exactly want anything to do with me. Can’t say I completely forgive him, but it’s mostly water under the bridge nowadays. Especially when we found out that I did have trigger words, and I was unknowingly dangerous. Don’t worry, those trigger words were erased ages ago. Anyway, Clark eventually got his act together. Gave me the Kryptonian name Kon-el, had me live with him for a little bit. We worked it all out,” Connor turned back to Marinette, taking his sunglasses off so he could look her in the eye properly. “I really don’t think a Ladybug is exactly threatening in comparison.”

Marinette was silent for a moment.

“You know I could throw you off this balcony, right?”

“Eh, I can fly.”

Another moment passed before Marinette couldn’t help it, and started giggling. Those giggles turned to laughs, which quickly turned into joyful bellows. Connor joined in, smiling as he laughed alongside her.

“But… you like it with them, right?” Connor suddenly asked, looking over at her. “I know Jon can be a bit overexcitable, and Clark is an annoying boy scout.”

Marinette just shrugged. “Well, it’s not too bad,” she said softly. “I mean, at least neither of them can die by getting crushed by falling debris. So that’s an improvement at least.” Marinette instantly went pale at her own words, slapping a hand over her mouth. Connor snorted, wrapping an arm around her shoulders.

“Yeah, that’s the exhaustion talking. C’mon, let’s get you back in bed before Clark accuses me of corrupting you.”

Marinette just nodded, doing the world’s quietest transformation before opening a portal back to her room. She was already detransformed, Connor having one hand on her doorknob, when she spoke up again.

“Uh, Kon?” She fidgeted, not able to look up at him. “Thanks.”

The man just smirked, shrugging his leather-clad shoulders. “That’s what family’s for, right?”

Marinette smiled, huffing out a tired laugh. “By the way? I’m glad at least one of you Supers has a sense of fashion.”

“We heard that!”

Connor and Marinette broke back out into guffaws, and the girl couldn’t help but think that she was really grateful for her new family. Maybe she wouldn’t call Clark dad or Lois mom anytime soon, those wounds were still too raw, but maybe eventually. And she’d never had brothers before.

Yeah. This was nice.

—*—*—*—*—*

Part 4

I don’t think this ended up as good as the others..? But this is the best way I could write this part. Why is this story turning out longer than expected? Geez I need to learn self control. At least this one was actually kinda fluffy.

@fantasiame @thestressmademedoit @amayakans @resignedcatservant @too0bsessedformyowngood @chocolatecatstheron @mooshoon @jeminiikrystal @bigpicklebananatree @thezestywalru @bugaboosandbees @ironspiderstark @mikantsume @marinettepotterandplagg

[songofclarity]

Since there is no official height for WRH, how tall do you think he is? imo I'm 90% sure that NMJ is taller and being precise he's either a single cm shorter or taller than LXC. Also build-wise, do you think he's more bulky or slim?

So I just found out that NMJ is the tallest character in mdzs (191 cm) and I'm wondering do we know how tall WRH is? What if he's actually shorter than NMJ? Would NMJ tower over him all scowling and glaring and WRH would be like "how dare you look down on me like this? *Also why is this turning me on?* "

Hello to the same Anon because I reply too slow or to two different Anons who are on the same wavelength!

Nie MingJue is the tallest character in the series and there is absolutely no way I'm going to headcanon away his crown! Nie MingJue is 191 cm and everyone can look up to him, as they should~ And that includes Wen RuoHan!

This might be a boring answer, but I don’t think Wen RuoHan cares about height. I don’t think Nie MingJue being taller, whether by 1 cm or 10 cm, would bother him. There is a confidence about Wen RuoHan in what he says and does and doesn’t do that shows, to me, someone who is actually well adjusted to his body, his position, and his power.

Looking back at the saber incident, it’s important to note that Wen RuoHan’s beef wasn’t because Sect Leader Nie’s saber was sharper or bigger or better, his beef was because Sect Leader Nie was (reportedly) being an asshole about it. It was Sect Leader Nie (reportedly) turning it into a competition when it wasn’t one. Wen RuoHan was perfectly at peace with the world on his own, and never asked a question comparing his saber with others. Is his own saber not a fine saber? The answer is yes, it’s quite fine. And Nie MingJue in all his tall glory is also quite fine, and I think Wen RuoHan could appreciate Nie MingJue in multiple ways without having to feel intimidated or challenged by him.

Confidence is key!

Going on a tangent for a second, I like to consider the idea that Nie MingJue doesn't exactly feel the whole extent of his height. His fiery temperament, exacerbated by the saber spirit and a toxic sworn brotherhood arrangement, always gets the focus over his height, which is really only mentioned by Wei WuXian at the start of empathy but is never used to describe Nie MingJue looking down on people, physically or mentally. When Nie MingJue runs into the frightened woman and child in Hejian, he reigns in his aggression, but he's still very much towering over them.

We know that Nie MingJue was a teenager and old enough to go on night hunts when his father was injured, so I imagine him being 16 back then. Boys, on a whole, start puberty later than girls (so closer to 13) and might not hit their peak until as late as 20. So let's say Nie MingJue hadn't reached peak 191 cm yet and his father was still taller than him when bed bound. Then his father died, and in the ensuing years Nie MingJue shot up like a tree, but that doesn’t change how his father will ALWAYS be taller than him. (I headcanon both Nie brothers take more after their respective mothers’ side of the family in appearance and height than they do from their father’s. Nie MingJue is tall even amongst his uncles at 191 cm, Nie HuaiSang is short at 172 cm, and Sect Leader Nie was somewhere in between.)

I also imagine the situation around his father's death, how those six months showed the worst part of the Qinghe Nie saber cultivation and his father at his most monstrous, would have made Nie MingJue feel very small and helpless as a kid. It's no surprise he loathes and regrets that death the most into his adulthood. It's no surprise that once he steps into an adult role, he's always working and trying harder than everyone else to protect the peace and mitigate danger.

Nie MingJue's big dick energy comes from the heart. Combined with his height, he’s the biggest man around!

But I don't think Wen RuoHan is significantly shorter than Nie MingJue. I headcanon him being 185 cm at the shortest. That makes him shorter than Nie MingJue at 191 cm and Lan XiChen at 188 cm, but it’s the same height as Jiang Cheng. For comparison, Wen Ning is 183 cm vs Wen Yuan is 172 cm. Wen Yuan experienced some serious food difficulties during his early child (from about age 2 to 5) that could have negatively effected his growth, so he is likely an outlier. Wen Chao isn't given a height and there's no particular reference to him being short or tall, not even when Wei WuXian holds him hostage in the cave, so I imagine he's not too far off from Wei WuXian, who is 186 cm. So we're reasonably looking somewhere in the 180s cm for Wen RuoHan.

If Wen RuoHan doesn’t have to ask Nie MingJue to lean down to get what he wants and can just take it, even if he has to go up on his toes, height really is no issue~

Because the fun part about Wen RuoHan is that I do not think a taller person is going to phase him. At one point the world stands tall against him and he flexes quite well on his status where he doesn't even think he needs to lift a finger to end the Sunshot Campaign. This is a man who will slightly tilt up his chin, without even thinking about it, so he ends up looking down on the towering Nie MingJue.

I imagine the effect is quite alluring, but it would also be like being faced down by a predator and Nie MingJue isn’t used to being treated as prey~ Wen RuoHan is in for a fight if he wants to try taking him down though lol

As for Wen RuoHan’s build, I tend to go with in between bulky and slim. I think most of his strength comes from his spiritual energy. He's not packing the dreamy abs Nie MingJue has hiding under his robes that got even Wei WuXian drooling. But to get to such high cultivation, Wen RuoHan had to have done a lot of physical training, which I picture makes him muscular, but still not bulky. And he has enough muscle that he's not particularly slim, either, although I imagine him having quite graceful hands and a regal poise that give the impression of slender elegance. His calm and quiet confidence belies his strength, and the energy he gives off gives the impression that he’s the biggest man in the room. Sometimes impression really is everything.

So in one way or another, Wen RuoHan and Nie MingJue might each think the other is bigger or taller than him, and neither one is fazed by it, and I just think that’s neat!

[curious-menace]

Arkham!Riddler SFW Alphabet

When I started this one I figured it would be easier since I can riddle as bi and ace and this is all non-sexual but my god was it difficult. It's hard to separate what i'd like from a partner like riddler from what this version of riddler would actually be like.  I've done my best but if you have anything you'd like to add, feel free to hmu!

LONG POST UNDER THE CUT

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Edward can be affectionate in quite a superficial way. He’s not above using someone's affections for him to get what he wants out of them and he certainly isn't above feigning affection for the same reason. Although unless you were head over heels for him, his faux sincerity would be pretty obvious. 

However with a partner he actually likes i can imagine he’d be very affectionate with his actions more than his words. Riddler loves to talk but expressing actual love can be difficult for him, whether it’s romantic or platonic, saying how he feels about you is one of the few things that doesn't come easy. I can see him spending a lot of money on you as a gesture of affection; fancy food , clothes, first editions of your favorite books or vintage versions of whatever you collect. He’d quite happily pay for your education/college and any and all books you might want. 

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

Being a “best friend”  would probably be at your insistence and not his. He’s likely left any childhood friends behind (assuming he had any to begin with) and I think as an adult, Edward would have trouble making friends. Like most things, Edward treats friendship as just another tool in the bag, he can count the people he actually gives a shit about on 1 hand. 

If you were lucky (or unlucky depending on your view) to be considered one of those friends, expect lots of phone calls about bailing him out, riddles turning up in weird places ( like in the pocket of a coat you haven't worn in a while) and him helping you out with your cerebral challenges( like your quarterly tax return, no eddie i can't just NOT do it will you put down the rubix cube and help me)

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

He’ll never admit it, not even under pain of death, but Edward likes to be held. Now there's a few caveats to this; his rules and on his terms etc.  He likes to lie between your legs with his head on your chest, either facing you for a hug while he naps or away from you, using you like a pillow while he reads or tinkers with something.  He likes having his hair played with and his back gently stroked until he falls asleep.

He keeps up the facade of being totally touch adversed for good reason, the other rouges just do not respect personal space, even ones like killer croc and clayface. For the sake of his suits, he keeps this up even in private. But if you were someone special to him, you might convince him to toss his arm around your shoulder or waist. 

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

When he’s doing well mentally, he’s pretty good at taking care of himself. Or at least, looking like he takes good care of himself. He can cook and clean a little but he has the cash to pay other people to do the more menial or time consuming stuff for him. Not that he’s above it, he just prefers to spend his time on other things and is happy to compensate people to save him from doing it. These days he's more focused on other things to be bothered with domestic chores, his place is very messy. 

Settling down is an alien concept to him, not one he’s eager to explore. Expect him to turn his nose up at the prospect of marriage but a platonic long term partner, someone for company, someone to act as a sounding board for ideas or even just someone to (gently but firmly) kick his ass into looking after himself would be pretty ideal.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

He’d probably be thinking long and hard about it beforehand. Like weeks if not months in advance. He’d want to give you the perfect breakup and, depending on what happened, try his best to part as friends. He doesn't deal well with sudden changes to his routine, particularly with no plans ahead. On the other hand he might just pussy out and ghost you. He’s fickle like that.

If it was your doing, well. Edward takes these sorts of things as a challenge. He might even assume you were joking the first time around. After he got the message, I sense he’d probably be quite clingy and upset. It’s taken a lot for him to get so far with you and he wouldn't let it go without a fight. He might try to change or at the very least , be better at hiding whatever it was that you want to break it off.

Failing that expect a lot of texts from blocked numbers almost but not quite begging or apologizing and asking for more chances.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Like I said above, marriage isn't for him. I doubt he'd be compatible with a religious person given his childhood and outspoken atheism. He MIGHT if pressed, give you a question mark themed ring or token as a reminder that you were his. No papers, no ceremony, just something small. If you proposed expect him to be flustered and , if you can believe it, at a loss for words. He might go radio silent on you for a few days before giving you an answer but i honestly couldn't tell you what it might be. He does enjoy the thought of someone referring to him as “my husband” thought, so maybe persistent begging i'll get you somewhere. 

Some sort of Commitment appeals to him from a practical point; having someone to rely on, to fall back on and to care and be cared for by. It's not a normal relationship by any stretch of the imagination but it’ll be special all the same.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Edward isn't an imposing man. He might be tall but he’s all sinus and no mass. He has gentle hands but can be careless when he’s in a mood ( with objects, never with you). He's broken a lot of plates, computer monitors and mechanical pencils over the years. He lacks a lot of social grace to treat things with the necessary amount of sensitivity sometimes, but he has the sense to at least TRY and be emotionally gentle. Situations of abuse or self worth issues, things he has personal experience dealing with are things he can easily empathise with .

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Short story, yes but only coming from a trusted partner. Long story is that he has a hard time not flinching when someone hugs him by surprise. You should ask before you do it. 

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

Edward is the kind of person to fall head over heels very quickly. He might say I love you before it's socially appropriate, it honestly might make you a little uncomfortable. But once that initial infatuation dies he's a lot more guarded with his feelings. He’d say i love you in a superficial way quickly but a genuine i love you with real emotion would take a lot of time and thought from him before he actually committed to it. 

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

If you look up jealousy in the dictionary, you'd see Edward's picture. Obviously he is a deeply insecure man, he’s terrified you’ll start to think of him the way he thinks of himself and seek out someone better. You need to nip any signs of jealousy in your relationship in the bud early on. Otherwise Edward will become controlling, manipulative and possessive to the point of alienating you from other people, simply for the sake of having you to himself. You need to set healthy boundaries while also doing your best to accommodate his need to be validated and his need for reassurance that you do in fact want to be with him. He gets snappy when he’s jealous, with you and other people. He has temper tantrums like a child if you don't agree with him. Like for example if he thinks someone was flirting with you and you tell him they were just being friendly. 

All that said, I genuinely don't think he does it for the sake of being a controlling partner. He is just so very afraid that someone he actually gives a shit about will leave him like everyone else in his life. 

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

I should point out that he doesn't kiss often. But when he does,He’s all over the damn place. What he lacks in experience he makes up for in enthusiasm. He is a very sloppy kisser when he gets into it but generally his kisses are very short and chaste. Like i said, he doesn't really know what he's doing so he's all over the place in terms of location. I think smooches on the cheek  because it's easy access, for him and you. He likes body worship, so if you're kissing him, anywhere will do as long as you're praising that part while you do it. 

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

Edward does not like children but he’s good pretending for the sake of his image. Childrens naturally inquisitive nature coupled with his bright and colourful appearance makes for some entertaining moments but in the long run I can see him worrying too much: about screwing the kid up, about being perceived like his father, about the child not meeting his expectations etc. 

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

He's more of a night owl tbh. If you're living with him he might wander into the kitchen while you're getting breakfast , wondering why you're up so late. You'd have to tell him he’s accidentally pulled another all nighter. He might have coffee with you and talk about what he was working on, maybe ask if he could have some breakfast with you. But by the time it's cooked he’ll have passed out on the sofa.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Edward prefers to work and operate at night so expect him to be in a flurry of activity, building things, calling people and working at his computer. He likes to have company, even if you aren't doing much talking. It would be nice for him to just spend time with you while you both work on your respective projects. Sometimes he gets his shit together and lives during the day like most people ( read as, when he’s just been to prison and has an actual schedule for once) he would like to unwind with you by watching game shows or playing video games.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

Edward has a bad habit of gloating about his accomplishments but in a way that is so obviously false it unintentionally tells more about him than he really wanted to. Like in Arkham knight, he gloats about “not having any friends at all” in reference to his riddler bots when Catwoman teases him. He meant that as a snipe at catwoman but the fact he’s so open about his lack of friends, to most people anway, is incredibly sad. 

He’s a well known villain, if you didn't know most of his backstory before dating him it would be hard to miss once you were together. He’s unlikely to tell you it himself, having to repeat it time and time again in therapy has him perpetually bored of the subject .

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

He gets upset quite easily, he has very limited patience . He’s used to other people's cuts and jibes so he mostly lets that roll off his back with only a little annoyance. But for stupid people, and people outright insulting him, dismissing him or for acting like batman he is liable to start seeing red very quickly . In your relationship I would say he is easily irritated by a lot of things, generally a bit grumpy if things don't go his way but rarely as angry as we see him in the climax of Arkham knight. He doesn't yell or shout at you but he will seethe and let his anger fester for days at a time. He can be very mean when he’s angry. 

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

You would think for someone with a photographic memory, he would be better at remembering things about you. It's not to say he DOESN'T remember, only that he requires prompting to do so. Yes, he will remember everything about you but he puts it in the back of his head so he can focus on other things. Don't be surprised if he lets important dates slip by or does things at the last minute because something reminded him of it. 

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

It's probably something innocuous that you wouldn't think of, or even realise he was there for. Maybe he remembers meeting you in a coffee shop months or years before you met and started dating. He remembers because you held the door for him or gave him a genuine smile. You were something colourful in his gray day, something hard to forget. I doubt he tried to build a relationship out of that one moment but when he met you again he would remember that and decide that it was fate or something.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Edward is protective in a strange way. He’s most powerful in situations where he controls everything , which isn't usually possible in real life as he's not a particularly strong man. He has more power in the digital world so that's where he feels most comfortable looking out for you. He might watch you on security cameras to make sure you get home safe, send you texts to check in or hide your profile from the police. You can be online together and in the public eye ( for him to brag about you to his online followers of course). To tie back in with his jealousy, he would be pretty protective initially but if you told him to back off, he’d be careful to do it more secretly. 

Edward needs to be protected in a lot of ways, mostly from himself. He’s not good at looking after himself, either physically, mentally or socially. His big mouth gets him into a lot of bother so he might need you to act as a social filter. He’s had several large breakdowns in the last few years and with arkham closed for good, he has no support besides you. He needs to be grounded and kept in the present lest he get wrapped up in his thoughts. 

 T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?) 

Honestly? He doesn't really try. He's very lucky in that he can pull something out of his ass last minute and it would still have a similar effect to if he’d spent the whole month planning. Someday it's going to blow up in his face big time but he doesn't seem to care.

Same goes for everyday tasks. He's usually so focused on his own stuff that he doesn't realise other things need done. He's a master of doing things at the last second and still making it look like he put in effort.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

He has a bad habit of underestimating people, even you. He might be inclined to patronise you when you try to do things for him but just showing him that you are a capable human being is usually enough to shut him up. He's very egocentric, narcissistic and conceited, but given everything he's been through, it's not really his fault he's like this. What is his doing is his refusal to work on his faults or try to grow as a person. Perhaps with the right encouragement you could help him but don't hold your breath. 

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Normally yes, Edward is narcissistic and very concerned with his looks but recently, with his mental health declining, he's forgotten to take care of himself. I imagine when/if he snaps out of this funk he’ll be mortified by how he’s let himself go. He’s more concerned with how he looks socially, how he might be perceived and his reputation than what he physically looks like. 

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Edward is and always has been convinced he was meant to be alone. He’s somewhat made his peace with that . there would always be a hole in his heart that he really thought nothing could ever fill. But meeting you? Well that changes things. Edward will never be a complete, well rounded person but having someone to kiss his wounds and pour their love into the cracks in his being is infinitely better than being alone. 

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

I mentioned in some of my mini headcanons for him that he used to do gymnastics as a kid. It wasn't so much that he wanted to or even enjoyed it all that much, in his highschool you just had to pick a sport and it was one of the only things that wasnt team related and had the lowest chance of being hit in the head with a ball, bat or racket. He was pretty good at it, even if he didnt like it that much , and probably could have taken home some bronze or silver awards in his state if his parents had encouraged him. Nowadays he can barely do a pullup but he's still got most of the flexibility, even if repeated breaks at the hands of batman have left him a little sore while he does it.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

Edward doesn't like people appearing to be smarter than him. but his ego usually protects him from acknowledging that fact. he doesn't like bullies, despite being one himself . but his most hated trait in people is alcohol use/ dependency. If he knew you were an alcoholic he likely never would have started dating you but even the odd drink will make him turn his nose up. of course, hes a hypocrite , when hes feeling really sorry for himself he will definitely drink his sorrows away in whatever hole in the ground gotham rogues frequent. the self loathing is as strong as his hangover the next morning. he knows hes like his father, in more ways than one and it makes him sick. any mention of alcohol is likely to bring up these feelings

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

Edward is a chronic insomniac but there is one thing that is guaranteed to send him right to the land of nod and that is having his hair played with and his back stroked. I don't know if it was one of the few kind touches he ever received as a child or if his parents did it when he was a baby but it's one of the few things that makes him feel truly safe and cared for. Riddler has spent the majority of his life alone, so finding a partner he trusts enough to allow them not only into his space but also his bed would be a difficult thing. If that's you, however, expect him to be badgering you every night to help him get to sleep.

that took a lot longer than i thought it would! arkham riddler is obviously my favorite so i was trying to write a lot for him but i hope i havent been rambling

if you want to talk more about any of the riddlers, hmu!