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punisheddonjuan · 8 months

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How I ditched streaming services and learned to love Linux: A step-by-step guide to building your very own personal media streaming server (V2.0: REVISED AND EXPANDED EDITION)

This is a revised, corrected and expanded version of my tutorial on setting up a personal media server that previously appeared on my old blog (donjuan-auxenfers). I expect that that post is still making the rounds (hopefully with my addendum on modifying group share permissions in Ubuntu to circumvent 0x8007003B "Unexpected Network Error" messages in Windows when transferring files) but I have no way of checking. Anyway this new revised version of the tutorial corrects one or two small errors I discovered when rereading what I wrote, adds links to all products mentioned and is just more polished generally. I also expanded it a bit, pointing more adventurous users toward programs such as Sonarr/Radarr/Lidarr and Overseerr which can be used for automating user requests and media collection.

So then, what is this tutorial? This is a tutorial on how to build and set up your own personal media server using Ubuntu as an operating system and Plex (or Jellyfin) to not only manage your media, but to also stream that media to your devices both at home and abroad anywhere in the world where you have an internet connection. This is a tutorial about how building a personal media server and stuffing it full of films, television shows and music that you acquired through indiscriminate and voracious media piracy legal methods like ripping your own physical media to disk, you’ll be free to completely ditch paid streaming services. No more will you have to pay for Disney+, Netflix, HBOMAX, Hulu, Amazon Prime, Peacock, CBS All Access, Paramount+, Crave or any other streaming service that is not named the Criterion Channel (which is actually good). If you want to watch your favourite films and television shows, you’ll have your own custom service that only features things that you want to see, and where you have control over your own files and how they’re delivered to you. And for music fans out there, both Jellyfin and Plex support music streaming, meaning you can even ditch music streaming services. Goodbye Spotify, Youtube Music, Tidal and Apple Music, welcome back unreasonably large MP3 (or FLAC) collections.

On the hardware front, I’m going to offer a few options catered towards differing budgets and media library sizes. The cost of getting a media server up and running using this guide will cost you anywhere from $450 CDN/$325 USD at the entry level to $1500 CDN/$1100 USD at the high end. My own server was priced closer to the higher figure, with much of that cost being hard drives. If that seems excessive, consider for a moment, maybe you have a roommate, a close friend, or a family member who would be willing to chip in a few bucks towards your little project provided they get a share of the bounty. This is how my server was funded. It might also be worth thinking about cost over time, how much you spend yearly on subscriptions vs. a one time cost of setting up a server. Additionally there's just the joy of being able to scream "fuck you" at all those show cancelling, movie deleting, hedge fund vampire CEOs who run the studios through denying them your money. Drive a stake through David Zaslav's heart.

On the software side I will walk you step-by-step through installing Ubuntu as your server's operating system, configuring your storage as a RAIDz array with ZFS, sharing your zpool to Windows with Samba, running a remote connection between your server and your Windows PC, and then a little about started with Plex/Jellyfin. Every terminal command you will need to input will be provided, and I even share a custom #bash script that will make used vs. available drive space on your server display correctly in Windows.

If you have a different preferred flavour of Linux (Arch, Manjaro, Redhat, Fedora, Mint, OpenSUSE, CentOS, Slackware etc. et. al.) and are aching to tell me off for being basic and using Ubuntu, this tutorial is not for you. The sort of person with a preferred Linux distro is the sort of person who can do this sort of thing in their sleep. Also I don't care. This tutorial is intended for the average home computer user. This is also why we’re not using a more exotic home server solution like running everything through Docker Containers and managing it through a dashboard like Homarr or Heimdall. While such solutions are fantastic and can be very easy to maintain once you have it all set up, wrapping your brain around Docker is a whole thing in and of itself. If you do follow this tutorial and had fun putting everything together, then I would encourage you to return in a year’s time, do your research and set up everything with Docker Containers.

Lastly, this is a tutorial aimed at Windows users. Although I was a daily user of OS X for many years (roughly 2008-2023) and I've dabbled quite a bit with various Linux distributions (mostly Ubuntu and Manjaro), my primary OS these days is Windows 11. Many things in this tutorial will still be applicable to Mac users, but others (e.g. setting up shares) you will have to look up for yourself. I doubt it would be difficult to do so.

Nothing in this tutorial will require feats of computing expertise. All you will need is a basic computer literacy (i.e. an understanding of what a filesystem and directory are, and a degree of comfort in the settings menu) and a willingness to learn a thing or two. While this guide may look overwhelming at first glance, it is only because I want to be as thorough as possible. I want you to understand exactly what it is you're doing, I don't want you to just blindly follow steps. If you half-way know what you’re doing, you will be much better prepared if you ever need to troubleshoot.

Honestly, once you have all the hardware ready it shouldn't take more than a weekend to get everything up and running.

(This tutorial is just shy of seven thousand words long so the rest is under the cut.)

Step One: Choosing Your Hardware

Linux is a light weight operating system, depending on the distribution there's close to no bloat. There are recent distributions available at this very moment that will run perfectly fine on a fourteen year old i3 with 4GB of RAM. Moreover, running Plex or Jellyfin isn’t resource intensive in 90% of use cases. All this is to say, we don’t require an expensive or powerful computer. This means that there are several options available: 1) use an old computer you already have sitting around but aren't using 2) buy a used workstation from eBay, or what I believe to be the best option, 3) order an N100 Mini-PC from AliExpress or Amazon.

Note: If you already have an old PC sitting around that you’ve decided to use, fantastic, move on to the next step.

When weighing your options, keep a few things in mind: the number of people you expect to be streaming simultaneously at any one time, the resolution and bitrate of your media library (4k video takes a lot more processing power than 1080p) and most importantly, how many of those clients are going to be transcoding at any one time. Transcoding is what happens when the playback device does not natively support direct playback of the source file. This can happen for a number of reasons, such as the playback device's native resolution being lower than the file's internal resolution, or because the source file was encoded in a video codec unsupported by the playback device.

Ideally we want any transcoding to be performed by hardware. This means we should be looking for a computer with an Intel processor with Quick Sync. Quick Sync is a dedicated core on the CPU die designed specifically for video encoding and decoding. This specialized hardware makes for highly efficient transcoding both in terms of processing overhead and power draw. Without these Quick Sync cores, transcoding must be brute forced through software. This takes up much more of a CPU’s processing power and requires much more energy. But not all Quick Sync cores are created equal and you need to keep this in mind if you've decided either to use an old computer or to shop for a used workstation on eBay

Any Intel processor from second generation Core (Sandy Bridge circa 2011) onwards has Quick Sync cores. It's not until 6th gen (Skylake), however, that the cores support the H.265 HEVC codec. Intel’s 10th gen (Comet Lake) processors introduce support for 10bit HEVC and HDR tone mapping. And the recent 12th gen (Alder Lake) processors brought with them hardware AV1 decoding. As an example, while an 8th gen (Kaby Lake) i5-8500 will be able to hardware transcode a H.265 encoded file, it will fall back to software transcoding if given a 10bit H.265 file. If you’ve decided to use that old PC or to look on eBay for an old Dell Optiplex keep this in mind.

Note 1: The price of old workstations varies wildly and fluctuates frequently. If you get lucky and go shopping shortly after a workplace has liquidated a large number of their workstations you can find deals for as low as $100 on a barebones system, but generally an i5-8500 workstation with 16gb RAM will cost you somewhere in the area of $260 CDN/$200 USD.

Note 2: The AMD equivalent to Quick Sync is called Video Core Next, and while it's fine, it's not as efficient and not as mature a technology. It was only introduced with the first generation Ryzen CPUs and it only got decent with their newest CPUs, we want something cheap.

Alternatively you could forgo having to keep track of what generation of CPU is equipped with Quick Sync cores that feature support for which codecs, and just buy an N100 mini-PC. For around the same price or less of a used workstation you can pick up a Mini-PC with an Intel N100 processor. The N100 is a four-core processor based on the 12th gen Alder Lake architecture and comes equipped with the latest revision of the Quick Sync cores. These little processors offer astounding hardware transcoding capabilities for their size and power draw. Otherwise they perform equivalent to an i5-6500, which isn't a terrible CPU. A friend of mine uses an N100 machine as a dedicated retro emulation gaming system and it does everything up to 6th generation consoles just fine. The N100 is also a remarkably efficient chip, it sips power. In fact, the difference between running one of these and an old workstation could work out to hundreds of dollars a year in energy bills depending on where you live.

You can find these Mini-PCs all over Amazon or for a little cheaper on AliExpress. They range in price from $170 CDN/$125 USD for a no name N100 with 8GB RAM to $280 CDN/$200 USD for a Beelink S12 Pro with 16GB RAM. The brand doesn't really matter, they're all coming from the same three factories in Shenzen, go for whichever one fits your budget or has features you want. 8GB RAM should be enough, Linux is lightweight and Plex only calls for 2GB RAM. 16GB RAM might result in a slightly snappier experience, especially with ZFS. A 256GB SSD is more than enough for what we need as a boot drive, but going for a bigger drive might allow you to get away with things like creating preview thumbnails for Plex, but it’s up to you and your budget.

The Mini-PC I wound up buying was a Firebat AK2 Plus with 8GB RAM and a 256GB SSD. It looks like this:

Note: Be forewarned that if you decide to order a Mini-PC from AliExpress, note the type of power adapter it ships with. The mini-PC I bought came with an EU power adapter and I had to supply my own North American power supply. Thankfully this is a minor issue as a barrel plug 30W/12V/2.5A power adapters are plentiful and can be had for $10.

Step Two: Choosing Your Storage

Storage is the most important part of our build. It is also the most expensive. Thankfully it’s also the most easily upgrade-able down the line.

For people with a smaller media collection (4TB to 8TB), a more limited budget, or who will only ever have two simultaneous streams running, I would say that the most economical course of action would be to buy a USB 3.0 8TB external HDD. Something like this one from Western Digital or this one from Seagate. One of these external drives will cost you in the area of $200 CDN/$140 USD. Down the line you could add a second external drive or replace it with a multi-drive RAIDz set up such as detailed below.

If a single external drive the path for you, move on to step three.

For people with larger media libraries (12TB+), who prefer media in 4k, or care who about data redundancy, the answer is a RAID array featuring multiple HDDs in an enclosure.

Note: If you are using an old PC or used workstatiom as your server and have the room for at least three 3.5" drives, and as many open SATA ports on your mother board you won't need an enclosure, just install the drives into the case. If your old computer is a laptop or doesn’t have room for more internal drives, then I would suggest an enclosure.

The minimum number of drives needed to run a RAIDz array is three, and seeing as RAIDz is what we will be using, you should be looking for an enclosure with three to five bays. I think that four disks makes for a good compromise for a home server. Regardless of whether you go for a three, four, or five bay enclosure, do be aware that in a RAIDz array the space equivalent of one of the drives will be dedicated to parity at a ratio expressed by the equation 1 − 1/n i.e. in a four bay enclosure equipped with four 12TB drives, if we configured our drives in a RAIDz1 array we would be left with a total of 36TB of usable space (48TB raw size). The reason for why we might sacrifice storage space in such a manner will be explained in the next section.

A four bay enclosure will cost somewhere in the area of $200 CDN/$140 USD. You don't need anything fancy, we don't need anything with hardware RAID controls (RAIDz is done entirely in software) or even USB-C. An enclosure with USB 3.0 will perform perfectly fine. Don’t worry too much about USB speed bottlenecks. A mechanical HDD will be limited by the speed of its mechanism long before before it will be limited by the speed of a USB connection. I've seen decent looking enclosures from TerraMaster, Yottamaster, Mediasonic and Sabrent.

When it comes to selecting the drives, as of this writing, the best value (dollar per gigabyte) are those in the range of 12TB to 20TB. I settled on 12TB drives myself. If 12TB to 20TB drives are out of your budget, go with what you can afford, or look into refurbished drives. I'm not sold on the idea of refurbished drives but many people swear by them.

When shopping for harddrives, search for drives designed specifically for NAS use. Drives designed for NAS use typically have better vibration dampening and are designed to be active 24/7. They will also often make use of CMR (conventional magnetic recording) as opposed to SMR (shingled magnetic recording). This nets them a sizable read/write performance bump over typical desktop drives. Seagate Ironwolf and Toshiba NAS are both well regarded brands when it comes to NAS drives. I would avoid Western Digital Red drives at this time. WD Reds were a go to recommendation up until earlier this year when it was revealed that they feature firmware that will throw up false SMART warnings telling you to replace the drive at the three year mark quite often when there is nothing at all wrong with that drive. It will likely even be good for another six, seven, or more years.

Step Three: Installing Linux

For this step you will need a USB thumbdrive of at least 6GB in capacity, an .ISO of Ubuntu, and a way to make that thumbdrive bootable media.

First download a copy of Ubuntu desktop (for best performance we could download the Server release, but for new Linux users I would recommend against the server release. The server release is strictly command line interface only, and having a GUI is very helpful for most people. Not many people are wholly comfortable doing everything through the command line, I'm certainly not one of them, and I grew up with DOS 6.0. 22.04.3 Jammy Jellyfish is the current Long Term Service release, this is the one to get.

Download the .ISO and then download and install balenaEtcher on your Windows PC. BalenaEtcher is an easy to use program for creating bootable media, you simply insert your thumbdrive, select the .ISO you just downloaded, and it will create a bootable installation media for you.

Once you've made a bootable media and you've got your Mini-PC (or you old PC/used workstation) in front of you, hook it directly into your router with an ethernet cable, and then plug in the HDD enclosure, a monitor, a mouse and a keyboard. Now turn that sucker on and hit whatever key gets you into the BIOS (typically ESC, DEL or F2). If you’re using a Mini-PC check to make sure that the P1 and P2 power limits are set correctly, my N100's P1 limit was set at 10W, a full 20W under the chip's power limit. Also make sure that the RAM is running at the advertised speed. My Mini-PC’s RAM was set at 2333Mhz out of the box when it should have been 3200Mhz. Once you’ve done that, key over to the boot order and place the USB drive first in the boot order. Then save the BIOS settings and restart.

After you restart you’ll be greeted by Ubuntu's installation screen. Installing Ubuntu is really straight forward, select the "minimal" installation option, as we won't need anything on this computer except for a browser (Ubuntu comes preinstalled with Firefox) and Plex Media Server/Jellyfin Media Server. Also remember to delete and reformat that Windows partition! We don't need it.

Step Four: Installing ZFS and Setting Up the RAIDz Array

Note: If you opted for just a single external HDD skip this step and move onto setting up a Samba share.

Once Ubuntu is installed it's time to configure our storage by installing ZFS to build our RAIDz array. ZFS is a "next-gen" file system that is both massively flexible and massively complex. It's capable of snapshot backup, self healing error correction, ZFS pools can be configured with drives operating in a supplemental manner alongside the storage vdev (e.g. fast cache, dedicated secondary intent log, hot swap spares etc.). It's also a file system very amenable to fine tuning. Block and sector size are adjustable to use case and you're afforded the option of different methods of inline compression. If you'd like a very detailed overview and explanation of its various features and tips on tuning a ZFS array check out these articles from Ars Technica. For now we're going to ignore all these features and keep it simple, we're going to pull our drives together into a single vdev running in RAIDz which will be the entirety of our zpool, no fancy cache drive or SLOG.

Open up the terminal and type the following commands:

sudo apt update

then

sudo apt install zfsutils-linux

This will install the ZFS utility. Verify that it's installed with the following command:

zfs --version

Now, it's time to check that the HDDs we have in the enclosure are healthy, running, and recognized. We also want to find out their device IDs and take note of them:

sudo fdisk -1

Note: You might be wondering why some of these commands require "sudo" in front of them while others don't. "Sudo" is short for "super user do”. When and where "sudo" is used has to do with the way permissions are set up in Linux. Only the "root" user has the access level to perform certain tasks in Linux. As a matter of security and safety regular user accounts are kept separate from the "root" user. It's not advised (or even possible) to boot into Linux as "root" with most modern distributions. Instead by using "sudo" our regular user account is temporarily given the power to do otherwise forbidden things. Don't worry about it too much at this stage, but if you want to know more check out this introduction.

If everything is working you should get a list of the various drives detected along with their device IDs which will look like this: /dev/sdc. You can also check the device IDs of the drives by opening the disk utility app. Jot these IDs down as we'll need them for our next step, creating our RAIDz array.

RAIDz is similar to RAID-5 in that instead of striping your data over multiple disks, exchanging redundancy for speed and available space (RAID-0), or mirroring your data writing by two copies of every piece (RAID-1), it instead writes parity blocks across the disks in addition to striping, this provides a balance of speed, redundancy and available space. If a single drive fails, the parity blocks on the working drives can be used to reconstruct the entire array as soon as a replacement drive is added.

Additionally, RAIDz improves over some of the common RAID-5 flaws. It's more resilient and capable of self healing, as it is capable of automatically checking for errors against a checksum. It's more forgiving in this way, and it's likely that you'll be able to detect when a drive is dying well before it fails. A RAIDz array can survive the loss of any one drive.

Note: While RAIDz is indeed resilient, if a second drive fails during the rebuild, you're fucked. Always keep backups of things you can't afford to lose. This tutorial, however, is not about proper data safety.

To create the pool, use the following command:

sudo zpool create "zpoolnamehere" raidz "device IDs of drives we're putting in the pool"

For example, let's creatively name our zpool "mypool". This poil will consist of four drives which have the device IDs: sdb, sdc, sdd, and sde. The resulting command will look like this:

sudo zpool create mypool raidz /dev/sdb /dev/sdc /dev/sdd /dev/sde

If as an example you bought five HDDs and decided you wanted more redundancy dedicating two drive to this purpose, we would modify the command to "raidz2" and the command would look something like the following:

sudo zpool create mypool raidz2 /dev/sdb /dev/sdc /dev/sdd /dev/sde /dev/sdf

An array configured like this is known as RAIDz2 and is able to survive two disk failures.

Once the zpool has been created, we can check its status with the command:

zpool status

Or more concisely with:

zpool list

The nice thing about ZFS as a file system is that a pool is ready to go immediately after creation. If we were to set up a traditional RAID-5 array using mbam, we'd have to sit through a potentially hours long process of reformatting and partitioning the drives. Instead we're ready to go right out the gates.

The zpool should be automatically mounted to the filesystem after creation, check on that with the following:

df -hT | grep zfs

Note: If your computer ever loses power suddenly, say in event of a power outage, you may have to re-import your pool. In most cases, ZFS will automatically import and mount your pool, but if it doesn’t and you can't see your array, simply open the terminal and type sudo zpool import -a.

By default a zpool is mounted at /"zpoolname". The pool should be under our ownership but let's make sure with the following command:

sudo chown -R "yourlinuxusername" /"zpoolname"

Note: Changing file and folder ownership with "chown" and file and folder permissions with "chmod" are essential commands for much of the admin work in Linux, but we won't be dealing with them extensively in this guide. If you'd like a deeper tutorial and explanation you can check out these two guides: chown and chmod.

You can access the zpool file system through the GUI by opening the file manager (the Ubuntu default file manager is called Nautilus) and clicking on "Other Locations" on the sidebar, then entering the Ubuntu file system and looking for a folder with your pool's name. Bookmark the folder on the sidebar for easy access.

Your storage pool is now ready to go. Assuming that we already have some files on our Windows PC we want to copy to over, we're going to need to install and configure Samba to make the pool accessible in Windows.

Step Five: Setting Up Samba/Sharing

Samba is what's going to let us share the zpool with Windows and allow us to write to it from our Windows machine. First let's install Samba with the following commands:

sudo apt-get update

then

sudo apt-get install samba

Next create a password for Samba.

sudo smbpswd -a "yourlinuxusername"

It will then prompt you to create a password. Just reuse your Ubuntu user password for simplicity's sake.

Note: if you're using just a single external drive replace the zpool location in the following commands with wherever it is your external drive is mounted, for more information see this guide on mounting an external drive in Ubuntu.

After you've created a password we're going to create a shareable folder in our pool with this command

mkdir /"zpoolname"/"foldername"

Now we're going to open the smb.conf file and make that folder shareable. Enter the following command.

sudo nano /etc/samba/smb.conf

This will open the .conf file in nano, the terminal text editor program. Now at the end of smb.conf add the following entry:

["foldername"]

path = /"zpoolname"/"foldername"

available = yes

valid users = "yourlinuxusername"

read only = no

writable = yes

browseable = yes

guest ok = no

Ensure that there are no line breaks between the lines and that there's a space on both sides of the equals sign. Our next step is to allow Samba traffic through the firewall:

sudo ufw allow samba

Finally restart the Samba service:

sudo systemctl restart smbd

At this point we'll be able to access to the pool, browse its contents, and read and write to it from Windows. But there's one more thing left to do, Windows doesn't natively support the ZFS file systems and will read the used/available/total space in the pool incorrectly. Windows will read available space as total drive space, and all used space as null. This leads to Windows only displaying a dwindling amount of "available" space as the drives are filled. We can fix this! Functionally this doesn't actually matter, we can still write and read to and from the disk, it just makes it difficult to tell at a glance the proportion of used/available space, so this is an optional step but one I recommend (this step is also unnecessary if you're just using a single external drive). What we're going to do is write a little shell script in #bash. Open nano with the terminal with the command:

nano

Now insert the following code:

#!/bin/bash CUR_PATH=`pwd` ZFS_CHECK_OUTPUT=$(zfs get type $CUR_PATH 2>&1 > /dev/null) > /dev/null if [[ $ZFS_CHECK_OUTPUT == *not\ a\ ZFS* ]] then IS_ZFS=false else IS_ZFS=true fi if [[ $IS_ZFS = false ]] then df $CUR_PATH | tail -1 | awk '{print $2" "$4}' else USED=$((`zfs get -o value -Hp used $CUR_PATH` / 1024)) > /dev/null AVAIL=$((`zfs get -o value -Hp available $CUR_PATH` / 1024)) > /dev/null TOTAL=$(($USED+$AVAIL)) > /dev/null echo $TOTAL $AVAIL fi

Save the script as "dfree.sh" to /home/"yourlinuxusername" then change the ownership of the file to make it executable with this command:

sudo chmod 774 dfree.sh

Now open smb.conf with sudo again:

sudo nano /etc/samba/smb.conf

Now add this entry to the top of the configuration file to direct Samba to use the results of our script when Windows asks for a reading on the pool's used/available/total drive space:

[global]

dfree command = home/"yourlinuxusername"/defree.sh

Save the changes to smb.conf and then restart Samba again with the terminal:

sudo systemctl restart smbd

Now there’s one more thing we need to do to fully set up the Samba share, and that’s to modify a hidden group permission. In the terminal window type the following command:

usermod -a -G sambashare “yourlinuxusername”

Then restart samba again:

sudo systemctl restart smbd

If we don’t do this last step, everything will appear to work fine, and you will even be able to see and map the drive from Windows and even begin transferring files, but you'd soon run into a lot of frustration. As every ten minutes or so a file would fail to transfer and you would get a window announcing “0x8007003B Unexpected Network Error”. This window would require your manual input to continue the transfer with the file next in the queue. And at the end it would reattempt to transfer whichever files failed the first time around. 99% of the time they’ll go through that second try, but this is still all a major pain in the ass. Especially if you’ve got a lot of data to transfer or you want to step away from the computer for a while.

It turns out samba can act a little weirdly with the higher read/write speeds of RAIDz arrays and transfers from Windows, and will intermittently crash and restart itself if this group option isn’t changed. Inputting the above command will prevent you from ever seeing that window.

The last thing we're going to do before switching over to our Windows PC is grab the IP address of our Linux machine. Enter the following command:

hostname -I

This will spit out this computer's IP address on the local network (it will look something like 192.168.0.x), write it down. It might be a good idea once you're done here to go into your router settings and reserving that IP for your Linux system in the DHCP settings. Check the manual for your specific model router on how to access its settings, typically it can be accessed by opening a browser and typing http:\\192.168.0.1 in the address bar, but your router may be different.

Okay we’re done with our Linux computer for now. Get on over to your Windows PC, open File Explorer, right click on Network and click "Map network drive". Select Z: as the drive letter (you don't want to map the network drive to a letter you could conceivably be using for other purposes) and enter the IP of your Linux machine and location of the share like so: \\"LINUXCOMPUTERLOCALIPADDRESSGOESHERE"\"zpoolnamegoeshere"\. Windows will then ask you for your username and password, enter the ones you set earlier in Samba and you're good. If you've done everything right it should look something like this:

You can now start moving media over from Windows to the share folder. It's a good idea to have a hard line running to all machines. Moving files over Wi-Fi is going to be tortuously slow, the only thing that’s going to make the transfer time tolerable (hours instead of days) is a solid wired connection between both machines and your router.

Step Six: Setting Up Remote Desktop Access to Your Server

After the server is up and going, you’ll want to be able to access it remotely from Windows. Barring serious maintenance/updates, this is how you'll access it most of the time. On your Linux system open the terminal and enter:

sudo apt install xrdp

Then:

sudo systemctl enable xrdp

Once it's finished installing, open “Settings” on the sidebar and turn off "automatic login" in the User category. Then log out of your account. Attempting to remotely connect to your Linux computer while you’re logged in will result in a black screen!

Now get back on your Windows PC, open search and look for "RDP". A program called "Remote Desktop Connection" should pop up, open this program as an administrator by right-clicking and selecting “run as an administrator”. You’ll be greeted with a window. In the field marked “Computer” type in the IP address of your Linux computer. Press connect and you'll be greeted with a new window and prompt asking for your username and password. Enter your Ubuntu username and password here.

If everything went right, you’ll be logged into your Linux computer. If the performance is sluggish, adjust the display options. Lowering the resolution and colour depth do a lot to make the interface feel snappier.

Remote access is how we're going to be using our Linux system from now, barring edge cases like needing to get into the BIOS or upgrading to a new version of Ubuntu. Everything else from performing maintenance like a monthly zpool scrub (this is important!!!) to checking zpool status and updating software can all be done remotely.

This is how my server lives its life now, happily humming and chirping away on the floor next to the couch in a corner of the living room.

Step Seven: Plex Media Server/Jellyfin

Okay we’ve got all the ground work finished and our server is almost up and running. We’ve got Ubuntu up and running, our storage array is primed, we’ve set up remote connections and sharing, and maybe we’ve moved over some of favourite movies and TV shows.

Now we need to decide on the media server software to use which will stream our media to us and organize our library. For most people I’d recommend Plex. It just works 99% of the time. That said, Jellyfin has a lot to recommend it by too, even if it is rougher around the edges. Some people run both simultaneously, it’s not that big of an extra strain. I do recommend doing a little bit of your own research into the features each platform offers, but as a quick run down, consider some of the following points:

Plex is closed source and is funded through PlexPass purchases while Jellyfin is open source and entirely user driven. This means a number of things: for one, Plex requires you to purchase a “PlexPass” (purchased as a one time lifetime fee $159.99 CDN/$120 USD or paid for on a monthly or yearly subscription basis) in order to access to certain features, like hardware transcoding (and we want hardware transcoding) or automated intro/credits detection and skipping. jellyfish features for free. On the other hand, Plex supports a lot more devices than Jellyfin and updates more frequently. That said Jellyfin's Android/iOS apps are completely free, while the Plex Android/iOS apps must be activated for a one time cost of $6 CDN/$5 USD. But that $6 fee gets you a mobile app that is much more functional and features a unified UI across Android and iOS platforms, the Plex mobile apps are simply a more polished experience. The Jellyfin apps are a bit of a mess and the iOS and Android versions are very different from each other.

Jellyfin’s actual media player itself is more fully featured than Plex's, but on the other hand Jellyfin's UI, library customization and automatic media tagging really pale in comparison to Plex. Streaming your music library is free through both Jellyfin and Plex, but Plex offers the PlexAmp app for dedicated music streaming which boasts a number of fantastic features, unfortunately some of those fantastic features require a PlexPass. If your internet is down, Jellyfin can still do local streaming, while Plex can fail to play files. Jellyfin has a slew of neat niche features like support for Comic Book libraries with the .cbz/.cbt file types, but then Plex offers some free ad-supported TV and films, they even have a free channel that plays nothing but Classic Doctor Who.

Ultimately it's up to you, I settled on Plex because although some features are pay-walled, it just works. It's more reliable and easier to use, and a one-time fee is much easier to swallow than a subscription. I do also need to mention that Jellyfin does take a little extra bit of tinkering to get going in Ubuntu, you’ll have to set up process permissions, so if you're more tolerant to tinkering, Jellyfin might be up your alley and I’ll trust that you can follow their installation and configuration guide. For everyone else, I recommend Plex.

So pick your poison: Plex or Jellyfin.

Note: The easiest way to download and install either of these packages in Ubuntu is through Snap Store.

After you've installed one (or both), opening either app will launch a browser window into the browser version of the app allowing you to set all the options server side.

The process of adding creating media libraries is essentially the same in both Plex and Jellyfin. You create a separate libraries for Television, Movies, and Music and add the folders which contain the respective types of media to their respective libraries. The only difficult or time consuming aspect is ensuring that your files and folders follow the appropriate naming conventions:

Plex naming guide for Movies

Plex naming guide for Television

Jellyfin follows the same naming rules but I find their media scanner to be a lot less accurate and forgiving than Plex. Once you've selected the folders to be scanned the service will scan your files, tagging everything and adding metadata. Although I find do find Plex more accurate, it can still erroneously tag some things and you might have to manually clean up some tags in a large library. (When I initially created my library it tagged the 1963-1989 Doctor Who as some Korean soap opera and I needed to manually select the correct match after which everything was tagged normally.) It can also be a bit testy with anime (especially OVAs) be sure to check TVDB to ensure that you have your files and folders structured and named correctly. If something is not showing up at all, double check the name.

Once that's done, organizing and customizing your library is easy. You can set up collections, grouping items together to fit a theme or collect together all the entries in a franchise. You can make playlists, and add custom artwork to entries. It's fun setting up collections with posters to match, there are even several websites dedicated to help you do this like PosterDB. As an example, below are two collections in my library, one collecting all the entries in a franchise, the other follows a theme.

My Star Trek collection, featuring all eleven television series, and thirteen films.

My Best of the Worst collection, featuring sixty-nine films previously showcased on RedLetterMedia’s Best of the Worst. They’re all absolutely terrible and I love them.

As for settings, ensure you've got Remote Access going, it should work automatically and be sure to set your upload speed after running a speed test. In the library settings set the database cache to 2000MB to ensure a snappier and more responsive browsing experience, and then check that playback quality is set to original/maximum. If you’re severely bandwidth limited on your upload and have remote users, you might want to limit the remote stream bitrate to something more reasonable, just as a note of comparison Netflix’s 1080p bitrate is approximately 5Mbps, although almost anyone watching through a chromium based browser is streaming at 720p and 3mbps. Other than that you should be good to go. For actually playing your files, there's a Plex app for just about every platform imaginable. I mostly watch television and films on my laptop using the Windows Plex app, but I also use the Android app which can broadcast to the chromecast connected to the TV. Both are fully functional and easy to navigate, and I can also attest to the OS X version being equally functional.

Part Eight: Finding Media

Now, this is not really a piracy tutorial, there are plenty of those out there. But if you’re unaware, BitTorrent is free and pretty easy to use, just pick a client (qBittorrent is the best) and go find some public trackers to peruse. Just know now that all the best trackers are private and invite only, and that they can be exceptionally difficult to get into. I’m already on a few, and even then, some of the best ones are wholly out of my reach.

If you decide to take the left hand path and turn to Usenet you’ll have to pay. First you’ll need to sign up with a provider like Newshosting or EasyNews for access to Usenet itself, and then to actually find anything you’re going to need to sign up with an indexer like NZBGeek or NZBFinder. There are dozens of indexers, and many people cross post between them, but for more obscure media it’s worth checking multiple. You’ll also need a binary downloader like SABnzbd. That caveat aside, Usenet is faster, bigger, older, less traceable than BitTorrent, and altogether slicker. I honestly prefer it, and I'm kicking myself for taking this long to start using it because I was scared off by the price. I’ve found so many things on Usenet that I had sought in vain elsewhere for years, like a 2010 Italian film about a massacre perpetrated by the SS that played the festival circuit but never received a home media release; some absolute hero uploaded a rip of a festival screener DVD to Usenet, that sort of thing. Anyway, figure out the rest of this shit on your own and remember to use protection, get yourself behind a VPN, use a SOCKS5 proxy with your BitTorrent client, etc.

On the legal side of things, if you’re around my age, you (or your family) probably have a big pile of DVDs and Blu-Rays sitting around unwatched and half forgotten. Why not do a bit of amateur media preservation, rip them and upload them to your server for easier access? (Your tools for this are going to be Handbrake to do the ripping and AnyDVD to break any encryption.) I went to the trouble of ripping all my SCTV DVDs (five box sets worth) because none of it is on streaming nor could it be found on any pirate source I tried. I’m glad I did, forty years on it’s still one of the funniest shows to ever be on TV.

Part Nine/Epilogue: Sonarr/Radarr/Lidarr and Overseerr

There are a lot of ways to automate your server for better functionality or to add features you and other users might find useful. Sonarr, Radarr, and Lidarr are a part of a suite of “Servarr” services (there’s also Readarr for books and Whisparr for adult content) that allow you to automate the collection of new episodes of TV shows (Sonarr), new movie releases (Radarr) and music releases (Lidarr). They hook in to your BitTorrent client or Usenet binary newsgroup downloader and crawl your preferred Torrent trackers and Usenet indexers, alerting you to new releases and automatically grabbing them. You can also use these services to manually search for new media, and even replace/upgrade your existing media with better quality uploads. They’re really a little tricky to set up on a bare metal Ubuntu install (ideally you should be running them in Docker Containers), and I won’t be providing a step by step on installing and running them, I’m simply making you aware of their existence.

The other bit of kit I want to make you aware of is Overseerr which is a program that scans your Plex media library and will serve recommendations based on what you like. It also allows you and your users to request specific media. It can even be integrated with Sonarr/Radarr/Lidarr so that fulfilling those requests is fully automated.

And you're done. It really wasn't all that hard. Enjoy your media. Enjoy the control you have over that media. And be safe in the knowledge that no hedgefund CEO motherfucker who hates the movies but who is somehow in control of a major studio will be able to disappear anything in your library as a tax write-off.

#long post #streaming #plex #tutorial #linux #piracy #major works

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literaryvein-reblogs · 18 days

Text

more notes on: writer's block

It is an anxiety we feel when we are unable to transfer ideas from our heads to the page.

It is a feeling of inadequacy—that whatever we write will be unoriginal, unimaginative, or have very little value.

It is a temporary state in which we are so overwhelmed with the expectations of an assignment, instructor, ourselves (inner editor) that we can’t get started.

Techniques to Combat Writer's Block

Stream of consciousness writing

There are variations to this type of writing. In general, the ideas are the same: writing freely without considering grammar, punctuation, sentence structure, etc.

The most important aspect of this exercise is to just write.

Variations include: write what comes to your mind as you focus on your topic; write with your eyes closed; cover your computer screen and type freely; write slowly while focusing on each shaping of the letters; or set a timer/alarm and write non-stop for 10-15 minutes.

Change your location

If you usually write at a computer, try the kitchen or dining room table.

If you usually write at a desk, try a seat by a window. Or how about a coffee shop, a park, or the library?

Relaxation techniques

Take a break from trying to write. This will help you to rejuvenate (but come back soon)!

Take some deep breaths. People who tell you that physical exercise is important for mental activity are telling the truth.

If nothing's happening on the computer screen or paper, take a walk around the block. Hit the treadmill or tennis courts or drive to the gym. But take your notebook with you.

Fresh blood will be flowing through your brain and jogging might just jog something loose in your head. It happens.

Start in the middle of your writing project

Avoid the problem of getting started by starting on a part of the project that interests you more and then come back to the introductory matter later.

After all, your readers will never know you wrote the introduction last (another joy of word-processing technology!).

Talking aloud

Talk over your paper with a friend, or just blab away into a tape recorder (even better).

Play the tape back and write down what you hear in clusters of ideas or free write about them.

Accountability & community

Set up a time and place to write with someone else or a few other writers.

Start by talking about what you are working on, your struggle, and what needs to be done.

You can set a specific amount of time for everyone to write silently (an hour or a few).

Then come back together in the end to vocalize what you accomplished (and what you still want to accomplish if more needs to be done).

This goal setting, accountability, and community are highly valuable for the writing process.

more on: writer's block

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adore-laur · 3 months

Note

the girls asking Harry & their mom how they fell in love ?

——

With bath time for the kids done and dusted, you fall onto the couch like a rag doll with your eldest daughter in your arms wearing a fluffy white robe. She's about to get the princess treatment—her favorite thing is when you comb through her curls with apple-scented detangling spray. Harry holds your youngest and rhythmically walks around the living room to make her sleepy. She's in her zip-up pajamas, and she smells like fresh lavender. Her eyes are not yet closed, but Harry knows what tricks to use. Before long, she'll drift off and be transferred to her crib, all clean and fed.

As you yawn, the little arm tucked in your embrace wiggles free. It'll take significantly longer for her to become sleepy, but you're hoping some snuggles and soothing hair brushing under the dim lights will speed up the process.

She points aimlessly toward the fireplace, yet her eyes track above it. The artificial plant? The pillar candle? The row of picture frames?

"What, baby?" you ask, kissing her damp curls while readying the comb and spray.

"Pretty dress," she says, aiming her finger more precisely. You follow it and smile sweetly. On the mantel shelf, there’s a photograph in an elegant gold frame. It has been proudly displayed there for nearly five years as a keepsake from one of the most euphoric days of your life. It's an eight-by-ten photo of you and Harry after your marriage ceremony, sitting in the sleek black limousine that chauffeured you both to the reception venue. Through the open window, the hired photographer captured the moment Harry tried to unclip your lace bridal veil. Your legs, covered by the lush and heavy silhouette of your gown, were thrown over his lap even when there was plenty of space to spread out.

The reason that particular photo is the chosen one for the living room is because of how you and Harry are looking at each other in it. His fingers, one in particular the forever home of a gold wedding band, were tangled in your intricately styled hair, working to unclasp the many pins lost in the strands. But his eyes were feasting on you—captivated, ecstatic, and soaking you in like you were the only thing that existed. His smile was the brightest part of the photo. He was mid-laugh, with his dimples deep, nose scrunched, and cheeks pushed up so that crinkles formed near his eyes. You can hardly remember what he was laughing at. He was giddier than a kid in a candy store, with unrestrained hands and excitement. He never did end up successfully removing your veil. His mother later helped him out, and it's now packed away in a storage box in the back of your closet.

Your expression in the photo is quite similar to his—irrepressible joy mixed with fierce love for your better half. The high resolution captured the residual tears in your eyes, which were caused by the overwhelming emotions from when you greeted family and friends after the ceremony concluded. It was a gorgeous, sunny day. The afternoon sunshine poured into the limousine and accentuated the details of your exquisite gown and Harry's traditional tuxedo. You parsed through countless photos after the honeymoon, and Harry agreed that this one encapsulated the intimate love you shared with each other the best. It always brought you back to that day and that indescribable feeling. It still makes your heart pound. You would marry him a million times over just to cherish every single second again.

When you and Harry started a family together, the mantle shelf was filled with more precious photographs over the years. Now, with two children, anniversary milestones, and vacation memories under your belt, it's a beautiful display of the life you built and experienced with Harry. It's a reminder of what life is all about.

"That's mommy's wedding dress," you say proudly, beginning to comb through her hair. Harry stops his laps around the rug and stares at the picture too.

"You wore it when you met Daddy?" she replies, a cute sense of curiosity quieting her voice.

You laugh and catch Harry's gaze just as a crooked smile breaks loose on his lips. "No, I wore it when I married him."

"Oh. What did you wear when you met Daddy?"

"Gosh, I don't think I even remember," you say, searching your brain for that night at the dive bar. It was a late-night encounter, and you were tipsy.

Harry, still staring at the wedding photo, says, "An open-back dress. Black, long, and form-fitting." He shakes his head, lost in thought. "Effortlessly gorgeous."

"How in the world do you remember that?" you ask, a blush crawling up your neck.

"The disco lights were dancing across your bare back." He shrugs, like the memory is permanently stamped inside his brain. "I'll never forget that sight."

"It was a funeral dress?" your daughter asks, piecing together the visual her father verbally painted.

"Definitely not," Harry says, sending a secret smirk your way.

"Where did you see mommy in the black dress?" She lets you move her head around as you spritz her hair with the detangling spray.

"We were at the same... restaurant," you say slowly, careful not to mention bars around her. Better to keep her innocence alive as long as possible.

"What did you eat?"

"We didn't eat," you reply. "We had strawberry and lemon drinks." You intentionally leave out the infused with alcohol part.

"What did Daddy say?"

You smile, loving her endless questions. "He asked me questions about myself. Made me feel comfortable and special. Unfortunately, our conversation didn't last very long. Mommy was tired and had to go home."

"And Daddy thought he was never going to see her again," Harry added theatrically. "He was really bummed out about it, but by some magical force, he crossed paths with her a month later."

"Magic?" Your daughter whispers the childlike word, her eyes wide with interest.

"It sure seemed like it," Harry says, gently sitting beside you so as not to wake the baby. He looks at you, and somehow, his eyes transport you right back to the start of it all. "Took us three tries to finally get things right."

You lean forward to kiss him tenderly. "Look at us now."

He reciprocates the kiss—his is a bit more urgent and sentimental. He then admires his daughters, both on the verge of sleep, and rubs his palm over where his heart is. "Thank you for choosing me, baby," he says to you. There seems to be emotion lodging in his throat, but he clears it away and breathes in deeply. "I'm yours every day. And I love you for infinite reasons, but growing our little family has the number one spot in my heart."

You toss the comb aside and hug him, your daughters cocooned by two souls that somehow found each other more than once. By magic, fate, or simply coincidence, you truly lucked out.

——

#harry styles blurb #harry styles imagine #harry styles x reader #harry styles fluff #dad!harry #dadrry #harry styles fanfic #harry styles au #harry styles #adore-laur

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aestheticaltcow · 3 months

Text

To Chicago and Beyond

Carmy Beratto x Reader

Long distance becomes short distance- so short you're within arm's reach of each other.

The Bear Masterlist

Long-distance relationships take a lot of work. Carmy needed to go back to Chicago, and as much as you wanted to go with him, you couldn’t just walk away from your job like Carmy had. The two of you were making it work. He’d tried his best to update you about The Beef and his plans to make The Bear a reality, and you tried your best to keep him at least semi-sane.

“Hey- I got good news for you.” you heard a voice say from behind you. Looking over your shoulder, you saw one of the HR guys you weren’t too familiar with. “What’s up?” you asked, minimizing the window on your computer, “Congrats, your transfer request was approved. You should get a call from the Chicago office this afternoon to discuss the details. You’ll be very missed, Y/N. Working with you all these years was a pleasure and an honor. The Chicago office is lucky.” he grinned before walking out of your cubicle.

“Hey baby- I’m in the middle of somethin’. Can I call you back?” you could hear the stress coming through the speaker as he spoke. You nodded before quickly explaining, “I got the transfer approved. I should be in Chicago for Friends and Family- I love you very much. Call me when you can, babe.”

“Wait- you’re c-comin’?” Carmy’s voice cracked as he asked, finally feeling a weight fall from his shoulders. He heard you say mmhmm, but then his ears turned off. Friends and Family needed to be perfect. If you were going to be there, everything had to be perfect. Carmy couldn’t disappoint you after how supportive you’d been. He was spiraling at the thought of you coming into the restaurant. The Beef was a gross, run-down sandwich shop, but Carmy saw the potential. If he wanted Mikey’s legacy to continue, The Bear needed to be everything he wanted- everything that he and Mikey dreamed of.

“You can pick me up, right Bear?” you asked hopefully as you nervously played with the hem of your blouse. “Of course… of course… I gotta go- bye baby, I love you.” you could tell he was in his head about what you’d told him. You chuckled, “Bear? Everything is going to be okay. I love you too, bye.”

The following weeks were filled with packing and mailing boxes from New York to Chicago, saying goodbye to your friends and family, and questioning whether this was a good idea. But amidst the nerves and goodbyes, there was an undeniable sense of excitement for the new beginning. Moving in together and meeting his family for the first time was a big step for both of you. The nerves passed when you walked toward baggage claim and saw Carmy sitting on a bench.

“Carmy!” you squealed involuntarily as you got within earshot of where he sat. He looked up and quickly scanned the area surrounding him before his eyes landed on you. The relief and joy were observable as he scrambled to his feet and met you halfway. You threw your arms around his neck. Carmy chuckled and wrapped his arms around your waist.

“Hi, baby.” Carmy greeted before you smashed your lips into his, catching him off guard. He kissed you back and pulled you closer to his body. Begrudgingly, you separated your lips from Carmy’s and smiled up at him, quickly blinking away the happy tears that began pooling in your eyes, “Carmy. Take me back to our place before we get charged for indecent exposure.”

#the bear #carmen berzatto #carmen berzatto imagine #carmy berzatto #carmen berzatto one shot #carmy the bear #carmen berzatto x reader #carmy berzatto imagine #carmy berzatto x reader #carmen berzatto x you #carmy berzatto fanfiction #carmy bear #carmen berzatto blurb #carmen berzatto fluff #carmen berzatto x femreader #the bear fx #the bear season 3

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jaylver · 1 year

Text

MIDNIGHT RAIN (BACK TO YOU) — S.JY

SYNOPSIS: You declared to the world that this summer will be yours. Ever since you’ve left home to chase your dream further in Europe, you never dared to look back, leaving your friends and family along with the precious memories there, including your silent love for your closest friend. Years passed, you were making a name for yourself and chasing that fame, settling in perfectly fine and eventually moved on with life. All was well until the transfer window came, announcing a new addition to the men’s first team, who also happened to be your childhood best friend, Jake Sim. Summer in Spain wouldn’t be what it is without experiencing lots of rekindling, heartbreaks, fallout but also a shot at love.

PAIRINGS: pro-footballer!jake x pro-footballer afab!reader

GENRE: childhood friends to lovers, college/professional sports au, romance, angst, pining, (slight) slow burn

WARNING(S): mentions of alcohol, drinking, parties, profanities, miscommunication, jake being a dense asshole at times, both are confused about their feelings, hee being the group therapist again, slight suggestiveness

WC: 18k

AUTHOR NOTES: for my people who don't know which football this is, it's kickball football aka soccer 🫶 this is dedicated to my jake (enha stans in general) enthusiasts who happens to love football just like me! like always, feedbacks are greatly, HUGELY appreciated! it'll genuinely motivate me <3 enjoy :)

part 3 of 'no competition' series | series masterlist | masterlist

‘Y/N L/N TO JOIN FC BARCELONA FEMENI ON A FIVE YEAR DEAL. HERE WE GO.’

Sometimes, chasing your dreams meant leaving everything you loved behind and sacrificing a shit ton just to get to where you want to be.

Football has always been your passion since you were barely walking or even talking. The icons you’ve watched on TV every weekend such as Maradona, Messi and Pele only gave you more drive to chase that dream of yours, even when relatives disregarded it as a so-called ‘impossible childish dream’. Growing up, you joined your local youth team, where the boys and girls played together regardless, sharing the equal amount of joy and love for the sport.

Being barely five, you found yourself having a hard time mixing around with a bunch of kids that were one, two years older, feeling greatly out of place. Look, you were immensely grateful that you were regarded as a wonder kid that was significantly more talented than a whole load of your peers, but getting placed into a den full of kids taller and older than you? That was scary.

That was until a boy approached you out of the blue, confidently reaching his hand out for introductions. He was the cutest boy you’ve ever laid your eyes on and you swore he was miles better than the boys at your kindergarten. The boy who had a smile that resembled the sun and energy that reflected a jumpy golden retriever puppy was a year older than you, and he introduced himself as Jake Sim or Sim Jaeyun, volunteering to be your partner in practice. Since then, you’ve only gotten closer to Jake, not knowing he was about to be a permanent figure in your life.

The moment you’ve reached seven, the team was splitted into girls and boys, which meant you were unable to play with Jake anymore, but that didn't stop you from meeting up and practising together.

"You've gotten taller," you remembered yourself telling him that one afternoon.

Jake looked up from the ball under his foot, sweaty strands of hair clinging onto his forehead. "Really?"

"No."

Banter and jokes were frequent between you two, you loved pulling pranks on him and vice versa. It was common knowledge that you and Jake were inseparable leading up till highschool where everyone thought you and him were a couple, could you believe that? Okay, maybe living in the same neighbourhood, hanging out 24/7, constantly in the park playing football, having dinner almost every night together, studying in the same college and getting accepted into the national team at the same time were quite off putting for some people … right? You were in denial.

Safe to say you and Jake grew up to be great footballers and even better people. College was undeniably an obstacle for you, but as long as there was a football team, you were going to be fine, and fine you were, great even, when you joined the college football team while Jake joined the men’s team, representing your college to tournaments.

You would go to his games and watch him score goals while he would do the same and cheer you on. Soon enough, at freshly eighteen and nineteen, both of you were approached by widely known clubs from all over Europe for your signatures on a professional contract. This was it, college could wait, this was what mattered, you didn’t work your ass off for nothing.

"Bayern contacted you? You're kidding!"

It was a Saturday night at your place, a basic tradition that you and Jake had every weekend if there weren't any training or matches going on. A random low budget film in the background, a bowl of popcorn in the middle, you and your best friend laid on the ground of your bedroom, sharing the latest insight of your lives.

"I can't imagine myself in Germany though," Jake pouted, pulling the blanket closer to his chin. "What about you? Anything new?"

"Not much. There's the Arsenal Women's team that contacted me, they're good too," you shrugged.

"But you love the sun! Heard England's a bit gloomy,"

"You're not wrong," you snorted, shaking your leg a little, and soon it fell into silence, a pensive one.

You glanced over at Jake, the sparks in his brown eyes never left, the quirk tugged at the edge of his lips remained, he never changed, not at all. "Jake?"

"Hm?" He hummed in response, his gaze trained at the TV screen, gradually getting engrossed.

"What if we end up on different sides of the world? You know, with our future clubs and all,"

“I don’t think anything would ever change between us no matter what happens,” his words were filled with absolute confidence, saying it as if he had a clear idea of what the future might look, whereas you were overwhelmed just from thinking about it.

“Really?”

“You’ll still be my forever person, Y/N. Swear.”

You remembered those exact words from months ago, not expecting everything to turn sour almost immediately when you showed up on Jake’s doorstep right after you just signed your first contract. Endless thoughts swarmed your head, you prepared yourself for every reaction you could imagine from Jake. He had just returned from a training camp overseas, he must've been tired and this was bad timing, but you didn't have a choice either.

"Y/N?" The sun was already beginning to set by the time you reached his house by foot. The moment Jake opened the door, his face morphed into confusion as you tried your best to not break into cold sweat. "What're you doing here? I just got back and there's too much to unpack—the way there's college still is making me go nuts, I’m not going to be surviving in class—I promise I'll spill everything soon—"

"Jake," his name poured out of your lips naturally, except this time it had a dreadful undertone to it that you failed to mask. "I'm leaving,"

He blinked. One. Two. Two beats. "Leaving? To the camp you were saying? So soon—?"

"No, Jake, I–I'm leaving forever. Not forever and never returning kind of 'forever' but I'm moving away and I don't know when I'll be back. I know this is such a bad time to tell you since you just got back and I feel like such a jerk for dumping it all on you suddenly, but I wanted to break the news before you found it out from the tabloids—"

"Y/N, breathe," Jake reminded, instantly knowing your quirks which included this aka rambling whenever you got panicky, giving you a reassuring smile that felt like a ray of sunshine beaming on you. He was not making you feel better, instead he had you wishing you were staying instead.

"I'm moving to Spain, Jake," you swallowed, just saying it was absolutely surreal, you couldn't grasp the concept of moving from your hometown, you were about to be on your own and you were scared, petrified.

"You signed with Barcelona?" Jake gasped, a smile itching at the corner of his lips.

"I did," you said quietly, nodding.

"That's amazing! You've been dreaming of this. It’s such a big deal! Looks like you’ll be playing pro-football instead of collegiate football now, should I get your signature first?" Jake reached out to squeeze your shoulder, attempting at a joke but he immediately caught onto the solemn look on your face, leaning in to stare at you closer. This shouldn't be making your heart beat. "You don't seem happy,"

"It's not that, it's just that I—"

I like you.

"I will miss you … like crazy. I'm just not ready for change and I don't want to leave you back here," you stumbled on your words, making sure to not slip and ruin everything. Obviously saying 'I like you' and leaving afterwards was such a douche move, so what else was there to do but shutting up?

Jake let out a guttural sigh, and that alone definitely spoke more than words ever could. You furrowed your eyebrows, nervousness crept into your stomach. "Are you mad? Are you … angry?"

“Angry?” Jake repeated, disbelief evident in his voice, as if he couldn’t believe what you were accusing him of. His gaze softened, a glaze of affection taking over his brown irises. “How can I be mad at you for chasing your dreams? No way. I'm happy you're getting a shot at what you love,”

The boy that was standing in front of you was trying his best to remain optimistic, the smile on his face never faded, but you, on the other hand, were holding back tears. He was a sunshine, your sunshine, the one you soon had to let go.

"Jake…" your voice was weak, you took a step closer, then another, until you closed the space between and engulfed him into your arms. His body tensed for a moment, taken off guard by your sudden action, but he eventually wrapped his arm around your waist, pulling you in. He felt like home, his familiar cologne was something you would never forget, the way his eyes crinkled whenever he smiled, his small giggles, the times you and he had walked around the tiny local football stadium, you couldn’t believe you were leaving all that behind.

"You're going to go far, Y/N, I've known that since the day we met," Jake whispered, his hand caressing the back of your head.

"I'll miss you … so so much," you repeated those words again, squeezing him tighter. You never wanted to let him go, and unknowingly, he felt the same.

"I'll miss you too," he pressed a kiss against the side of your head, and it felt as if it was a last goodbye.

You pulled away slowly, though reluctant to do so. His eyes locked with yours, longing and unwillingness hung in the air. “Will you come and send me off?”

“That’s a no brainer,” he laughed quietly, nodding enthusiastically.

“You better turn up.”

That was one of the last things you remembered saying to him before you left and everything turned into a blur. You were beginning to be a mess, the tears were eventually flowing out and it turned into big sobs. Thank the heavens no one was around when you walked home, or else they would be absolutely mortified to see a girl who was crying as if she was heartbroken. Well, quite?

What you didn’t and would never know was the fact that after you’ve left and the door slammed shut, Jake broke down into tears. In his nineteen years of living and winning tournaments, he swore he only cried a few times, all that was countable by hand. But this time, he felt worse than before.

Unbeknownst to you, you continued on your last few days thinking Jake was doing fine while you tried your best to seem sane. Saying your goodbyes to coaches from your college football team to your childhood club and even to your teammates, friends and relatives was hard, leaving your whole childhood here and moving away was too much of a big girl move, one that you weren’t fully prepared for.

Bags and luggages were packed, you fitted half of your life into those cramped spaces and you were loading them into the counter, your passport and flight ticket in one hand, your phone in the other. You were feverishly scrolling through many unread messages, not caring about them, you were just looking for one. No matter how many times you’ve refreshed, Jake never left you any messages, nor was he present to send you off.

“Honey, you good?” your mother checked in on you, noticing the fall in your expression.

“Huh?” you glanced up from your phone, shutting it off and shoving it into your back pocket. “I’m okay,”

“Is it Jake?”

At the mention of his name, your frown deepened and your mother sighed quietly, wrapping an arm around your waist and leading you to the waiting area. “I’m sure he’ll turn up, you’re leaving and there’s no way he’s letting you leave without saying a goodbye,”

“You think so? The flight’s leaving in an one or two,”

“It’s you. Jake cares about you a lot, you know that?”

There was no doubt about that. You knew so. You merely hummed, a slight hope sparked in you, but you said nothing, deciding to plug your earphones in and wait patiently instead, occasionally checking your phone for any notifications from said man, but there was none.

Those short hours eventually slipped past your fingers. The times you’ve glanced around were uncountable, the man you longed for to appear was nowhere to be seen, to say to were deflated was a given.

“Honey…” your mother rubbed your back gently and in comfort. You brushed off the feeling that was eating you and replaced your frown with your best smile, hoping to be able to reassure your mother that everything was fine, even if you felt the opposite of it.

“It’s okay, we should get going,”

Once you’ve located your boarding gate, you and your mother hugged in goodbye, exchanging final words, her constant reminders rung in your ears as you tried to suppress the oncoming anxiety and sadness that was gradually swallowing you wholly. Just as you said your last goodbye, turning around and ready to walk through your gate, you heard footsteps running behind you. You assumed it was someone rushing for their flight, that was until somebody had shouted your name.

“Y/N!”

Time stood still at that moment. The voice you wanted to hear for so long finally sounded in your ears. You were wondering if the tiredness had eventually gotten to you and you were hallucinating, but you weren't. He was real, right in front of you.

"Jake?" You whipped your head around, but before you could register anything else, Jake had thrown himself onto you, hands wrapped around your figure. His body crushed you and the warmth from him made you feel ten times better.

"I'm so sorry," he said profusely, rocking you side to side in his arms. "I was scared that I wouldn't be able to send you off. Something came up and I tried my best to rush here. Not to mention my phone fucking died on me too, I was panicking—"

"Jakey, all it matters is that you're here right now and nothing else," you reassured, relief filling you. “I’m just really happy to see you now,” you rubbed his back gently, hearing his ragged breathing by your ear.

Neither one of you wanted to let go, just letting time pass in each other’s arms and hoping that maybe all of this was a dream. Time was ticking agonisingly quick, you wished it was those moments where everything moved slow, but alas, you can’t have it entirely your way, can’t it? Soon, you had no choice but to pull away from Jake, praying he wasn’t an illusion tricking you.

“I’m going to miss you so much,” your voice came out weaker than expected and Jake seemed to notice it, his gaze softening significantly.

His callous hands cupped your cheek, his thumb grazing against the side of your eye softly. “Hey, you’re finally achieving your dreams. Think of that instead of me,”

You let out a choke that was meant to be a scoff, narrowing your eyes at him. “How could I possibly not think of you? You’re important to me, Jake,”

“And you’re important to me too, Y/N. I want to see you shine, and you will, I believe in you,” Jake squeezed your cheek slightly before removing his hand and reaching it to the back of his neck, unclasping the necklace he’s always worn. “I want you to have this,” he placed the necklace into your hands, the moon pendant shone bright under the bright lights.

“I can’t take this, you’ve always had it with you, it’s your lucky charm during matches—”

“I want to have it, genuinely,” Jake closed your hand around the chain, giving you one of his signature calming smiles. “Take care of it for me, the next time we meet I better see it around your neck okay?”

“I promise,”

“Don’t break it,” he laughed softly, his hand still holding onto yours.

You glanced at the time, cursing under your breath, realising this was it. This was the moment you were finally leaving to chase the dream you’ve always longed for. Jake probably understood that it was the time to let go, his gaze falling to the ground and he heaved a big breath.

“It’s time for you to go, Y/N,”

“It is,” you held your breath, longing for Jake’s touch to never leave, but time had to be a sore, leaving you no more extra minutes to spend and you had to let go, feeling the warmth of his hand no longer on yours. “Goodbye, Jake.”

“Goodbye, Y/N.”

That was where everything melted into a blur, the last waves of goodbye faint in your mind as you entered the plane, squeezing along the isles to locate your seat. You prepared for a long flight, closing your eyes and picturing the things that were awaiting you, but the thought of him eventually slipped in, haunting you.

Everything was about to change, and you didn’t know if it was for the best or for the worst.

RISING TO FAME WASN'T ON YOUR CHECKLIST.

Your first season was great, but the second and third were better, stellar even. This caught many eyes of football fans and Barcelona fans loved you with their hearts. Awards were won, achievements were made, but promises were broken.

It has been almost three years since that day in the airport. Crazy, huh? At the start, you had a hard time coping in a foreign country with zero knowledge of the local culture and the language. Not to mention, going to classes in your new college was challenging, you couldn’t even ask for directions. It was a blessing you opted not to share a dorm there and live on your own in the city instead, who knows what sabotages the language barrier and differences were going to do to you?

Thankfully, your teammates were kind enough to let you room with them and drive you to campus. One of them was able to communicate with you, but the other only spoke Spanish. Though the messy language barrier created confusions and misunderstandings, you somehow managed to not get evicted in the end and your Spanish was progressing positively.

Jake was a recurring appearance in your life. He often facetimes you, making sure to tell you his day from start to bottom, sharing about the parties he went to, his new hockey friends, the fresh discovery on the crazy world of college ice hockey, it was refreshing to hear him babble about everything from football to his college life after a long day, rolling around in bed giggling like a high school girl all over again. But that was all during what people called the ‘honeymoon era’, not knowing the eventual changes that you soon had to face.

Each year passed by in a blur. In the first, you constantly talked and kept in contact, but during the second year when Jake signed with Bayern Munich from the German league, his schedule was too packed and yours were the same, resulting in less communication. Occasional ‘congrats’ and ‘you did amazing’ were exchanged, but that was all. On your twenty-first birthday, you spent it with your friends and teammates, having a great time, but you were too caught up wishing Jake would text you a ‘happy birthday’ instead.

Drifting from someone was too easy, but letting them go entirely was hard. You were twenty one, winning awards and on the top of the league, but you still missed your day one, and you wondered if he felt the same or if it was just you. Yet, you couldn't be mad at him, unable to hold a grudge despite the fact that he hadn't tried enough, because you did the same.

“Can’t believe the season ended just like that,” Alexia, your captain and roommate slipped next to you, casually scrolling on her phone.

“It’s already been a few months, Alexia, it’s time for us to rest,” you smiled, understanding her love for playing especially since she had just recovered from a months-long injury and was craving for more play time. “There’s still a month left until the next season,”

“You’re right,” she hummed, her eyebrows furrowing as she glanced closer at her phone. “Barca has been investing a lot on new players lately,”

“There’s a number of new additions to the men's team,” you noted, scrolling on Twitter for any fresh news as well. “It’s valid since some of them left,”

“There’s a new addition today too, look it up. It’s an asian player,”

You raised your eyebrows in surprise. It’s not new that asian players were underrepresented in European football, the only one who was currently widely known was Son Heung Min, so hearing this was promising. Filled with curiosity, you typed into the search bar, wondering who this mystery player was.

No way.

What you didn’t expect was the picture of your childhood best friend, Jake Sim, popping up, his name littered all over the timeline, a load of news articles written about his latest transfer to Spain, specifically Barcelona, not Madrid. The other thing that totally set you off was a specific line he said in an interview about his transfer to Barcelona, ‘I’m ready for Spain and I know someone well who’s there right now, I hope to be able to see them.’ Unprovoked?

“Transferring from Bayern,” Alexia continued, cooing under her breath. “He’ll fit in well with Lewandowski in no time,” she glanced up from your phone, seeing your stunned expression and your rigid body. “Y/N?”

“Y–Yeah?” you stuttered, heartbeat rising gradually. You couldn’t believe this. After months of not talking, not even a slight update, he decided to move to the city you lived in without any notice. Worse of all, you couldn’t even avoid him. “Yes—no, not doing well actually,”

“Why?”

“Remember that friend who I kinda drifted off with?”

“The one who’s also a footballer—?” Alexia gasped upon realisation, eyes widened and her hands on her mouth. “You’re kidding. That’s him? The guy you called almost every night?”

“Bingo,” you clicked your tongue, crossing your arms and wishing how you could just scream into a pillow now.

The front door unlocked, twisted open and revealed Natalia, your other roommate, who happened to be holding bags of grocery in her hands. “What did I miss?” She said slowly, noticing the frazzled expressions of you and Alexia.

“The guy Y/N talks to every night is joining the men's team,”

“Jake Sim? He's the one who you grew up with?” Natalia dropped the bags, her keys and everything she had on hand, scooting over to join you on the couch.

“Yeah … him,”

“Tell me more.”

The new season for the women’s league was starting in a month and you certainly did a great job in avoiding Jake. You would applaud yourself at one point.

Barcelona might’ve been a big city, but with almost every Barcelona player staying in the same area, you would occasionally run into them, which meant the chances of seeing Jake was high. Not to mention, some of your training sessions at the training grounds would be either before or after the men’s team, and you made obvious efforts to run away quickly. You weren’t scared of Jake, no, never, but were you ready to face him after years of not seeing each other? Not really …

Through the help of Twitter, you found out that he had already completed his medicals, the announcement was out and he had given an interview. With the first game for the men's team coming up soon, the official account posted a training video and your eyes could only linger on him. His hair was freshly dyed blond and he seemed healthier, happier.

Everything was well and at peace until the news for you broke out. With the women's league starting later than the men's, you were apparently invited to be a special broadcaster for the men’s first league game, live, and by the pitch, meaning you were going to interview the players, Jake Sim included. For all the effort you’ve given to avoid Jake, the world seemed to have other plans for you. It was as if the universe was rooting for you to meet him again.

“Are you sure you’re ready for this?” Natalia was seated on your bed as Alexia rummaged through your closet, picking out any presenter's appropriate outfit, dresses, shirts, skirts and pants all splayed out on your bed and floor.

“Fuck no,” you groaned, picking up a shirt that fell to ground. “I know I shouldn’t be avoiding him, we’ve been friends since we were kids, but the changes between us is drastic,”

“Drastic?” Alexia hummed, shoving back some pieces that weren’t in her criteria.

“After he transferred to Bayern, we talked less. He was the same, but something between us wasn’t. He said I changed,” you sighed, still remembering the conversation clearly.

“What did he even mean by that?” Natalia scoffed.

“No idea. I don’t think I’ve changed,”

“Does he think the 'fame' or something changed you in some ways?” Alexia's eyes sparked at the sight of a long black dress, a sly smile on her face.

“No clue, it's not like I can just hop into his mind,” you groaned, biting your lips nervously. “You’ve got the one already?”

“Duh,” Alexia said proudly, handing you a black midi silk dress that you haven't worn in a long time.

“Really?” You raised a questioning eyebrow at her and she shrugged.

“Hey, it's professional and eye-catching, totally appropriate,” Natalia chimed in, nudging you slightly.

“I'm sure someone will appreciate it.” Alexia winked and you were about to throw a pillow at her, but due to the limited time you have before kickoff, you might have to delay that.

You arrived early to the stadium, greeting the staff and hoping you made a good impression. Football was much easier than broadcasting on live television, even if it meant you were just a special presenter, you were still anxious. Fans were already filing in and you were done setting up, the pregame show had started and it was your cue to join.

“Here we have Y/N from the women’s team to join us this evening,” your co-presenter welcomed you. “How are you doing?”

“Great, thank you,” you smiled at the latter.

“Today marks the first league game of the season at home, fans are excited, what are your score predictions?”

You gave it a thought for a moment, choosing your words right in case of offending any Barcelona fans lurking on Twitter. “It’s hard to say, but I’m confident in Barca, and I’m sure the team will want to win the game, so I’ll say 1-0,”

“I’ll say the same too,” your co-presenter laughed, nodding in agreement. “As for the latest transfers from this summer window, there’s been a number but the one that caught my eye is the young prospect, Jake Sim, I’m excited to see him playing today,”

At the mention of his name, something inside you churned. A mix of butterflies and overwhelming pining washed over you, as much as you’ve avoided him, you equally missed his presence. “He’s a great player, I’m sure about that,”

“We’ll look forward to his performance later on. The game shall be starting after a short break. Until then.”

The prematch segment was done, but you weren’t entirely free, having to fulfil your position for the post match interview at the end. It wasn’t entirely bad, you were actually anticipating to watch Jake on the pitch in person after years. The clips on YouTube weren't enough, but you definitely noticed his vast growth and improvement.

The match started off slow, both team's defence were too strong and none were able to go past one another's territory. It was getting closer to halftime with no goals scored, your attention eventually shifted to the bench, your eyes immediately spotting a certain blond. Despite him being almost half a football pitch away from you, your eyes weren't fooling you that it was in fact Jake, and he was breathtaking, and real.

Before you gave him the chance to realise you're staring, you made sure to turn away. Maybe you were the problem, you were scared to face him, and you didn't know why, probably the awkwardness was the main reason. Did he feel the same?

After giving a short interview and accessing the first half, the second half started with a couple players getting substituted off. Jake was among the few players being substituted on, making his first match debut for the club. Your heart thumped, this was deja vu to the time you watched him make his debut for his first club. It was similar, and you were there too.

Watching him play live was different compared to the videos you've watched, he was phenomenal. No wonder many European clubs were on his tail trying to get him to sign for them. His time in Germany definitely made him grow a lot as a player.

"He's good," your co-presented mused, his eyes trained on the game that was 2-0 up, Barcelona leading without any doubt.

"Which?"

"The new transfer. Number five," he nodded towards Jake, his jersey number shining brightly under the sun as he dribbled past defenders, kicking the ball and assisting another goal.

"Wow! Another assist," your co-presenter jumped out his seat cheering, and you smiled, sure that he was about to receive 'man of the match' today. "He's a future star,"

"He's already a star."

The match ended with a win, starting the new season in a pop and letting fans travel home with a happy heart. You and your co-presenter went through the highlights of the match, soon it was time for the interview.

It wasn't pressuring as you knew most of the players, laughing and cracking jokes in between some questions, congratulating on the win and what not. Until it was Jake's turn, he was approaching slowly as people around him were throwing praises and clapping him on the back, his laughter was no stranger to you, you didn’t need a second thought to know that it was him at once, then he stumbled into your sight, those familiar brown eyes met yours, unblinking as if he was figuring out who you were.

"Jake,"

Now that he was closer, you were able to see him clearly. He never changed, he still radiates the same sunshine puppy energy that you've missed. The pictures you’ve seen online didn’t do him any justice either, he was insanely pretty, jaw dropping and mind blowing, the blond hair was a great addition.

"Hi," his voice came out in a whisper, as if he couldn't believe you were right in front of him at that moment. "Y/N," your name left his lips with a spark of fascination, until now you never forgot his voice and the way he said your name.

"Great game today for your debut," you tried shaking off the tension in the air, remaining as professional as you could be, but it was faltering.

"Thank you. I'm glad I didn't mess up," he bowed his head with a small smile.

"Congrats on getting 'Man of the Match', your assists were top,"

"You think so?"

"Of course I do," you nodded instantly. "I'm sure the fans thought so too,"

"I'm glad," he hummed, and it reminded you of those times he would seek your reassurance in practice or after games. Guess old habits are hard to die.

"Thanks for joining us for the interview, Jake. Congrats once again."

You ended the segment with a few more additions before wrapping up and calling it a day officially. As you walked down the tunnel, you thought of your short-lived interaction with Jake, wondering if this was the only moment you'd get with him before you two continue on straying apart again, but it seemed life had other plans.

You let out a yelp as you turned a corner, feeling someone tug at your wrist, pulling you into their chest and you took a solid ten seconds to realise it was Jake, staring up at him with your hands on his chest, to which you quickly removed along with your body in general.

"What are you doing?" You hissed out, glancing around in case of any camera recording.

"I just wanted to say hi," Jake shrugged and you gave him an unamused stare. "Maybe more than a 'hi', I wanted to see you, talk to you," he paused, his eyes flickering. "You look great,"

"Huh?"

Jake coughed, his gaze sweeping over your body to your face. "You look amazing, seriously,"

A small laugh of amusement escaped your lips. "Thank you, you look … great as well. I love what you did to your hair,"

His hands flew to his blond strands, smiling sweetly. "I'm glad you like it, it's a bold change,"

"It is," you nodded, a sudden silence settled between you and Jake, the awkwardness you feared was somehow present.

"I miss you," those three words poured out of Jake's lips without any warning.

You could feel your heart twist and jump, his words settled heavily in your mind. "I miss you too, Jake,"

"I'm sorry," he sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. "Sorry for the times where I … I let go too easily. It wasn't easy being in a new country and I guess I let it get to my head, and I ended up throwing you aside too much. I should've been there for your 21st just as you did for mine,"

You didn't expect a direct confrontation today, maybe a small reconciliation but that was all, not a full blown apology.

"It's alright," closure was what you needed … right? "I didn't try to fix the gap between us then too, so … it wasn't entirely you," your hands were unconsciously fidgeting. "Now that you're here, maybe we can patch things up a little, what do you say?"

"I'd love to," Jake smiled, a wave of relief seemed to have washed over you two, the awkwardness and frigidity faded away and it was you and him again, just like always. "I haven't toured Barcelona at all ever since I got here. Would you have the honour to be my tour guide?"

"I'm not the best at it but I'll try," you laughed. "My Spanish is still in the works,"

"I need a head start too," Jake noted thoughtfully. "I got to change and freshen up. I'm sure you're tired too and you're dying to get home so I won't bother you further,"

"It's fine, I'll always have time for you," you reassured, unbeknownst to you his eyes lighting up at your words. "I'll give you a call or a text. Maybe we can arrange that tour soon,"

"Sweet. I'll wait for it,"

"You better."

jakey: free tomorrow?

you: i am :)

jakey: great! let’s have that tour tomorrow?

you: i’m down

“GOING OUT?”

You turned around, face-to-face with Alexia who had her typical questioning stare whenever something wasn’t right. It was early, quite unusual for you since you were always the late riser out of all three, but you had plans … with somebody.

You nodded sheepishly.

“With who?”

“Jake,”

“Oh?” Alexia grinned, gradually getting invested. “He finally had the balls to ask you out?”

“It’s not like that,” you waved her off. “I’m just bringing him around the city. He texted me yesterday,”

“Is he taking you back to his after?”

“Alexia!” you gasped, a hand on your chest for more dramatics.

“Kidding,” she chuckled, and finished fixing up her breakfast. “Be careful and if anything happens, God forbid, call me. If he’s a jerk, call me and I’ll pick you up,”

“I will … thank you,” you smiled warmly.

“No need to be, Nat and I will be here for you always.”

Jake was waiting right below your apartment complex, you were secretly jumping inside, taking bigger steps to get closer quickly. You didn’t realise how much you’ve missed him until now. He probably heard your oncoming footsteps, turned around and broke into his signature sweet smile. Jake surely knew how to swoon one over with his fashion, didn’t he? He was dressed in a casual loose white button up paired with straight jeans, making sure to have the first few buttons undone for some extra effect.

“Morning,” he pulled you into a short hug, his cologne entered your senses, the same cologne he had been wearing since forever. His gaze averted south, a familiar necklace was hanging around your neck, the moon pendant shining brightly under the sun. "You kept that?"

"Huh?" You followed his stare, glancing down to where your necklace sat, the one Jake had given you before your departure. "What? Of course I do," your hand absentmindedly reached for it. "Your good luck charm gives me good luck too,"

A smile etched onto Jake's face, a pleasant look painted his expressions, seemingly content as he switched the topic and continued on.

“Had breakfast yet?” you shook your head. “Perfect. I’ve been dying to try this one spot nearby, let’s go,”

“We’re walking there?”

“Duh, walking is a must for tourist experience,”

“I’m lazy,” you whined, huffing.

“You’re a professional athlete, a little walking won’t hurt,”

“I’m sure me beating you up will,”

Jake let out an airy laugh, his hand on your back pushing you gently and you had no choice but to comply. It was a quiet walk over to the cafe he recommended, maybe it was still early, but you remained quiet and basked in the summer sun, your shoulders occasionally bumping along the way.

"So …" you started, sitting down on an empty spot at a table, doing your best at striking up a conversation. "Bayern, huh? I thought you couldn't picture yourself in Germany,"

Jake shrugged, pursing his lips. "Had no other options, they were one of the big clubs and I just agreed," he shook his head, smiling a little. "People change, thoughts change, you know?"

"Right," you nodded.

"Only thing I hated about it there is how far away I was from you," he added, his gaze never leaving yours, but he eventually changed the topic, diffusing the tension in between. “Going to classes in a German college is hard though,”

“You’re still studying engineering?” you weren’t surprised at all, aside from Jake’s footballing abilities, he was a smart guy, one who loved science and was a little nerdy.

“I am,” he nodded with a small smile. “I think I’m going to the same college as you, right?”

“No way? I think you are,” you were a skilled hider at this point, not even bumping into him on campus was either great luck or just ill fate. “It’s hard holding up here, I might've been here a few years but everything’s still new. How are you even holding up with school here?”

Jake shrugged plainly, a nonchalant look on his face. “Had ups and downs but I don’t think I’ll give up easily. You seem to be doing fine so I think I’ll be equally fine here too … hopefully,”

“Nothing’s going to be too big of a challenge for a smart guy like you,” you teased, Jake rolling his eyes in response.

"Anyway, what's Barcelona like for you? I've seen the things you've done so far and honestly, I'm not surprised at how good you are," Jake took a sip out of his drink. "I mean, you always are, always have been,"

You bite back the surprise, especially the words you wanted to say. "Thank you," you said slowly, "I saw your break out at Bayern too, and your first game here, you've improved a lot, you're too good,"

"Learn from the best," he nodded at you and you rolled your eyes at him.

“You're still such a jokester,”

“Of course I am,” Jake raised his eyebrows, biting his lips as he pondered whether to ask the question lingering in his mind. Fuck it. “Any admirers here in Barcelona?”

It was your turn to raise your eyebrows, surprised at his up-frontness. Oh, now he’s suddenly interested in this part of your life? “I don't, unless you count the training ground as one,”

He laughed, shoulders visibly relaxing gradually. It was your turn to strike. “What about you? I definitely saw videos of you partying somewhere on Twitter before,” you didn’t mean it to sound a little jealousy laced when you said it, but the teeniest tiny bit of it was genuine, yet you wouldn’t admit it to yourself.

“Seriously? Twitter? I was there hanging out with my friends, no funny business with girls by the way,” he shrugged and narrowed his gaze at your obvious teasing grin. “Currently single and available,”

“Really? The same man who claimed he has charms out of the world is still single all these years?”

“Hey, I could be waiting for someone else, or at least work up the courage to even bag them,” he defended,

“Who?” you leaned in close, anticipating for some juicy intel, a sip of hot tea, anything.

Jake smirked, his typical playful one that you were no stranger to. He wasn’t going to spill, was he? “They know … I hope,”

His gaze burned into yours, the vague answer only spurred you on further. Could it be a random girl on campus? A girl he met while partying? Could it be … you? Wake up, gosh, there’s no way your childhood best friend liked you too, right? You have yet to tell anyone or even admit it out loud that you somewhat liked Jake, the feelings you had from years ago, back before you left, continued burning internally, getting fainter and fainter each passing year, but it reignited gradually now that he was here.

Soon, the morning melted into reminiscing of the past and sharing different stories that you both missed of each other. Walking around under the clear sky, you brought him around the city, to the famous landmarks, markets, and attractions. It was a blast, especially after years of not seeing one another face to face.

The sun eventually set and night came, the city coming to life at once. You and Jake somehow wound up at a beachside restaurant, enjoying a fancy meal before running towards the sandy beach, playing around just like the times you were kids, until you got too worn out and laid among the sands.

"I missed this," you panted, head turning over to see a heaving Jake who could only hum out in response.

"Us, running around, it was a long time since we've done this together," you waited for a beat, then continued. "I missed us, Jake,"

Jake looked over, locking eyes with you. "I'm here now, aren't I?" He chuckled, his hands reaching over to grasp yours.

You were glad he was back in your life again, but it was evident that something had changed, and it wasn't going to be the same as always.

YOU FOUND YOURSELF BACK AT THE STADIUM ON ONE OF THE men's league games, personally invited by Jake as he somehow managed to convince you to come.

Ever since that day out in the city, you felt something spark between you and him, he was texting you frequently, exchanging stories and what not. You were glad that your friendship was rekindling, but the watered down feelings from over the years seemed to return, growing stronger gradually, which meant you were inevitably troubled.

"Y/N!" you didn't expect Jake to go out of his way before the game to show up at the lounge area, greeting you enthusiastically.

"Jake," you exchanged a hug and some 'how are you's. "Nervous?"

"You always know I am. Just a little less with you here, just like the old days,"

"You're going to do good," you assured.

"Not going to let you down," he saluted you, before catching the clock ticking and the game nearing. With a haste goodbye, he left and you made your way towards the stands.

The game started off strongly, and Jake definitely stuck to his words, making his first start for the team and already performing astoundingly. His footwork, the way he passed through defenders, you were amazed every time you watched him play.

Barcelona had the advantage by leading first, but as the game passed, the opponent team somehow gained the momentum and scored a goal before half time, which deflated the home fans.

Once the second half started, Barcelona was looking for a breakthrough, anything, seemingly desperate and increasingly frustrated. That was until a perfect pass to Jake where magic actually happened. A swift turn and a sharp kick were enough for Jake to score a beautiful goal into the net and the stadium erupted into cheers.

Your gaze was trained on Jake, standing up now as you joined supporters in cheering along. But what shocked you was what he did next. He was running the lengths of the field as usual footballers do in celebration, but his hands formed the initial of your name, showing the letter obviously and it was no doubt that he was dedicating this to you. At the same time, his eyes were searching for somebody, you.

Once you met his gaze from above, he broke into a wide smile, blowing you a kiss before letting his teammates engulf him into hugs.

Everything melted into a blur. Did Jake Sim just dedicated his first goal and a celebration to you? He did, in front of thousands.

The game ended with a win. Jake, who had scored the winner, was getting cheers from fans all over. You were quick to exit the stands, making your way to the tunnel until you noticed Jake's approaching figure.

"Y/N!"

Just as always, he happily called your name, a smile so wide it had your knees weak. He was about to give you a hug before you backed away.

"You're sweaty,"

He pouted, resembling a sad puppy. "Don't be mean,"

"I'm not," you exclaimed, punching his shoulder lightheartedly. "You were so great, congrats on your first goal,"

"Thank you," he bowed his head pleasantly. "You're always my good luck charm, huh? Come to my games often,"

"As if," you huffed, but not completely opposed to it. Then, you got to the real deal. "Hey, what was that celebration for anyway?"

Jake simply shrugged, a knowing smirk on his face that told you he, in fact, meant something behind the celebration.

"What does that mean?"

"It's for you to figure out," he said vaguely, something sparked in his gaze. "Anyway, did you know this guy on campus is throwing a party? Wanna come?"

"You're going?" You did hear of this party from one of your school mates, apparently that guy was a king at throwing parties and nobody misses it.

"Yeah, one of my friends invited me so I wondered if you're coming too. Are you?"

"I think so?" You said with uncertainty.

"I can pick you up if you want to?"

"I'd love that,"

"Sweet," Jake nodded, clapping his hand. "Is this a date—"

"Would you count this as a date—"

Both of you froze, realising you were sharing the same thoughts, and most likely the same feelings. A sense of pining filled the air between you two that you were oblivious to. You and Jake bursted out laughing at the silly occurrence.

"Maybe," you were the first to answer the question, a little shy.

"I would love to bring you out on a proper date though,"

"What about … some time after the party?"

"I'll be glad to do so," Jake scratched the back of his neck, a red tinge coloured the tip of his ears. "So—uhm—this party date—more than friends or…?"

"Woah, maybe that's a big jump there," you didn't expect him to suddenly be so bold. "How about we take this one step at a time? Test the waters and what not,"

"Good idea," he smiled before hearing his teammates calling for him from afar. "Shit, I think I need to go freshen up,"

"It's alright, you've had a long day anyway, you should get some rest,"

"I will, I'll take a long, hot shower while I'm at it,"

"You should," you giggled, a small grin tugged at your lips at how endearing he was. "I'll go now, text me and we'll discuss the plans for the party, okay? You were amazing, Jake, I love seeing you play," you leaned over to press a kiss on his cheek, rendering him speechless.

"Bye," you said innocently, waving at him as you left and all he did was stare back with a dazed look while waving.

You chuckled a little. Despite the slight glitch in the relationship, somehow you managed to get back to him. All it took for the watered down feelings was a little push from him and yourself.

"YOU'RE ON TIME,"

Evening soon arrived and it was finally time for the party. You were dressed casually and you didn't regret any part of it. Jake had opened the door for you, quirking his eyebrow at your words as he leaned against his car.

"I'm always on time,"

"Sure," you said sarcastically as you entered the car, adjusting around in your seat.

The moment Jake got into the car and revved it to a start, he switched the radio on, and a specific song started playing. Your favourite song.

"This song?" You exclaimed, a small joy erupted in you.

"It's your favourite," Jake hummed, smiling slightly.

"You remembered?"

“How could I not?”

Those simple words somehow had a big effect on you, after all those years he still remembered the small things about you, not many were able to do that.

The rest of the journey there was just casual chatter, flowing naturally like how it usually did when you were younger. You talked about your favourite things while Jake just listened, giving you his full attention and you were completely unaware of him smiling at your passionate rants.

Upon arriving at some house in a rich neighbourhood, you were already fascinated by the big yard space where a couple people were smoking. You heard the music blasting from inside the house and shared a look with Jake that totally conveyed 'let's get drunk'. He opened the door for you and the led lights blinded your sight momentarily.

Jake was immediately bombarded by a bunch of people, his reputation had skyrocketed overtime with his performance at the club, making him a well known person at the campus by now. Well, wasn't this awkward? You were squeezed to a side, unable to reach your date and standing alone, so all you could do was nod towards the drinks to let him know you would be there.

Filling your cup with some random alcoholic concoction sadly wasn't what you anticipated for tonight. As time passed, Jake was nowhere to be seen, having to send him million texts but getting no response from him. You managed to locate your friends and joined them for the rest of the night.

"I thought you came here with Jake?" One of your friends, Carla, asked, passing you some snacks.

"I did," you shoved the snack into your mouth rather aggressively. "He disappeared on me,"

"That's such a dick move!" She made a sour face, and honestly, you had to agree with her.

You soon excused yourself from your friends, exploring around the house to find a bathroom that wasn't locked or occupied, which was a big challenge. Going up and down stairs, in and out of rooms had you desperate, so once you saw a bathroom door left ajar, you did the stupidest thing by opening it.

Stupid it was, foolish you were.

The sight before you probably had you wanting to vomit out your breakfast, lunch and dinner. It was Jake, but he wasn't alone, he was with another girl, pressed against each other, making out. At least they weren't doing more that would possibly traumatise you further … right?

"Y/N?"

You snapped out of your dazed state once you heard your name. Suddenly your need to use the bathroom had disappeared and you just wanted to leave.

"I—uh—ignore me!"

You turned around and bolted faster than your normal running speed in training. As you walked, you tried collecting yourself emotionally and mentally. You shouldn't be feeling this, whatever this sickening and punching feeling was, but you were.

How could this turn sour so fast?

He was just talking about trying to move your relationship from just friends to more than that, but instead, he's here making out with some girl in a bathroom? The audacity.

"Y/N! Where are you going?"

Unbeknownst to you, he was actually following you this whole time. Almost like a switch, your confused emotions turned into frustration.

"Jake, stop,"

He reeked of alcohol, words slurring and eyes dazed, confused. Your eyes met his gaze, sighing deeply and wishing for the night to be over already.

"What—"

"I'm leaving, okay? I didn't come here for you to ditch me and make out with some chick you just met, alright?"

"I'm sorry," Jake mumbled, biting his lips. "I'll take you home,"

"You're drunk, Jake," you said, crossing your arms. "I'll drive,"

The tension in the car was heavily off. You were driving back to his apartment, having no choice but to make yourself a guest there overnight since it was too late into the night for any cabs to drive you back. Just great.

"I didn't mean to kiss her. I was just drunk," he suddenly spoke from the backseat, his words heavy and slurred.

"Why are you telling me this?"

"I thought you should know. I hate misunderstandings,"

"We're not dating anyway, Jake, you don't need to explain it to me," your words came out harsher than expected, but wasn't reality harsh anyway?

"I am serious about you, Y/N,"

You blinked, muttering a few curses under your breath. Why was he so confusing? "You're drunk," you repeated, your grip on the steering wheel only tightened. "Think about this tomorrow instead, okay?"

Jake mumbled something incoherent before drifting off to sleep, leaving you to your own thoughts that continuously pestered you. Feelings were confusing, especially when it comes to your childhood best friend.

Getting him up to his apartment with the help of the security guard was strenuous work. He owed you more than an apology at this rate. Dumping him into bed and helping him out of his shoes almost had your back cracked in half, eventually you ended up falling into the couch and fell asleep at once. The physical work and emotional confusion were tiring.

Morning came sooner than expected, twisting and turning around, not wanting to get up, but realisation soon hit when you came to your senses. It wasn't the couch you're sleeping on anymore, it was a bed, Jake's bed.

Your eyes snapped open, feeling the soft sheets around you, but no one was there. Where was he?

You carefully stepped out of bed, wandered out into his living room that you were previously sleeping in and saw his figure on the couch, watching some television program. Messy bed hair and a coffee in hand, Jake somehow seemed magically cured from the curse of being hungover.

"You're awake?"

"I should be more surprised that you're awake instead," you sat down next to him, making sure to leave a gap in between.

"There's coffee, help yourself," he nodded over at the other cup of coffee he bought. "What happened last night?"

You glanced over at him, furrowed eyebrows mirroring the frustration in his eyes. "You don't remember?"

"No," he shook his head, rubbing his temples. "I got whisked away by this group of guys, I drank and drank, then I remembered some girl?"

"Oh,"

"What does that look on your face mean?"

"Jake, you made out with that girl,"

"What—"

"And I walked in on you two,"

"Oh, for fuck's sake," Jake rubbed his face callously, groaning deeply, head falling back onto the headrest. "I'm so sorry you had to see that,"

"It's fine,"

"It isn't fine. I kissed someone in front of you when I literally told you I wanted to bring you out on a date before," he buried his face into his hands. "I'm so stupid for this,"

"Hey, it's really fine, genuinely" you grabbed his hands, pulling them away. "I'm not mad—" admittedly, you were slightly hurt, "—honestly, it's not like we're actually together, right? We're not dating anyway, you're free to be with whoever you want. I have no control over you," you tried forcing out a small laugh to lessen the tension, but you only felt like dying instead.

"Right," Jake said, mirroring your laughter stiffly, his gaze falling to the ground. "We're not dating anyway."

"YOU WHAT?"

Training has been torturous. The new season was starting in the next few days, which meant the intensity only got higher, at the same time, your stress was equally skyrocketing. It was a few days since the incident with Jake and unfortunately, you haven’t spoken since. Anxiety gnawed at you, but neither you nor him dared to even make the first move of approaching one another.

Training sessions weren't what it was without some gossip and storytelling either, and you certainly didn't leave out what happened with Jake.

"You slept over at his place after you saw him kiss another girl?" Alexia gasped, smacking your arm.

"That's hella scandalous," Natalia hissed as she did her stretching routine.

"I said ‘we're not dating anyway’, could you believe that?" You huffed, unable to focus on your own routine.

"Wow," both of your teammates said in unison, and that only made you shrink further into your small hole of wallow.

"Was it too far?"

"I admit I do feel bad for the man having to hear that," Alexia shrugged.

"But he did do what he did," Natalia continued, a slight frown etched on her face.

“We haven’t talked since,” you stopped stretching, sitting with a saddened expression. “Do you think he hates me?”

“Hate you?” Alexia exclaimed incredulously, staring at you as if you’ve done some massive crime. “Y/N, that man likes you! Neither you nor him can see that, you guys are dumbasses,”

“He likes me?”

“Who dedicates their first goal to someone they hate? He likes you, period. There’s no way he dedicated a goal and a celebration meaninglessly,”

“Well…maybe he did it as an express of gratitude, you know, as friends,”

“God, you’re so blind.”

The short span of time in between the days from the first league game passed by quickly, fast forwarding to you sitting in the changing rooms, anxiously waiting for the game to start while you checked your phone for notifications. A fraction of you hoped for Jake to send a surprise message, at least giving some support for your first game of the season, but it just never came.

Disappointed you were indeed, but you weren’t letting it get to you and affect your performance, which only meant keeping on a brave face for the rest of the day. As you walked onto the pitch, your eyes automatically scanned the stands, spotting some of your friends from campus among the crowd. You waved at them, your anxiety lessening but somehow a specific someone stayed lingering in the back of your mind.

The whistle blew and off you went chasing after the ball for hopes of a goal. Everything was flowing smoothly, leading early in the first half and you were able to cool some steam off momentarily, glancing around once more. That’s when you noticed a figure in the front of the stands moving towards a seat. That person was oddly familiar, having to squint your eyes and run a little closer, you realised it was Jake.

You know those cliche moments described in romantic films where time stops and your breath stops? You didn’t believe those descriptions initially, until you actually experienced it firsthand. Right at that moment.

You didn’t have many chances of focusing on him, constantly needing to remind yourself that you were in the middle of a game and you weren’t letting a man deter you from the victory in front of you. He resembled a bright sun that stood out among the crowd, shining brightly but instead of looking away, you couldn’t bear but to stare.

The game ended in Barcelona’s favour, resulting in a great and high atmosphere, fans cheering loudly and everyone celebrating the first win of the season. All of your teammates made sure to go around the pitch to interact with fans and thank them, just post game basics. You did the same, except you couldn’t resist walking up to Jake’s side of the stand, spotting him at once and he happened to see your figure approaching, waving at you with a small smile.

“Hey!” you shouted, almost breathlessly, a wide smile unknowing creeping onto your face. “You came,”

His eyes sparked once it landed on you. “Surprise?”

“You didn’t tell me you’re coming today,”

Jake leaned on the barriers separating you two, his playful grin reciprocating your smile. “It’s a surprise for a reason,”

“Well, I am definitely surprised,”

Jake let out a quiet laugh, biting on his bottom lip, seemingly contemplating his next words carefully. “You played great today, congrats on the win,”

“Thank you,”

“You’ve always been amazing, Y/N, seeing you play for the first time in Barcelona made me so proud,”

Your heart swelled, hearing his words only made you go increasingly crazy. He can’t just show up, say the most simple sentences and make your feelings haywired! Then it hit you, realisation.

“I wouldn’t be here without you,”

“Likewise,”

“I’m really grateful for you, Y/N, genuinely,”

“Oh, Jake,” you reached over the barrier, tip toeing slightly and pulled the man before you into a hug, feeling him press a kiss on the side of your head. Were you really only friends with him?

Realisation. A full, concrete, affirmative realisation.

You like him. Sim Jae Yun.

jakey: up for a party?

you: you’re looking to get drunk again?

jakey: no! >:( my friend’s from our old uni are coming over to visit and celebrate one of their birthdays! i’m pretty sure you’ve met them before

you: the hockey players? and yunjin? them right?

jakey: yup

you: count me in

SOMEHOW YOU’VE MANAGED YOURSELF AN INVITE AS JAKE'S PLUS ONE.

You’ve met Jake’s friends before back in your hometown. He had a variety of friends from the football team who happened to be jocks, and then there’s the hockey friends. Jake was closer to the hockey bunch, and you didn’t blame him for that, especially after having your own experiences with his then team.

So, here you were, in Jake’s car, heading towards the club specially booked by Jake’s rich friend, Jay. Why a club? Apparently they liked partying. The hockey players were truly built differently.

“You’re saying he booked the expensive room?” you blinked in shock, mouth hanging open. “Private rooms?”

“Yeah, he said he loves Barcelona and the clubs here, so he’s going all out,” Jake said nonchalantly, as if this was a daily occurrence that wasn’t surprising in any way.

“Can you give me his numb—”

“Absolutely not.”

The club was just like any other big club in the city. Flashing lights, pretty people and over the top atmosphere, it was such a great vibe. You wished you had more chances of partying but frankly, none of your friends were big party goers, you included.

Jake made sure to have you in front of him, his hand on your back guiding you slowly through the crowd towards the private room. He had given you a brief introduction of his friends to you previously during the drive here. You knew how his friends looked, being able to match faces to their names, but there was nothing you knew beyond that.

Entering a room filled with people you're not close with makes your skin crawl, but Jake's friends proved otherwise, welcoming you at first glance. The hockey guys, Jay, Heeseung and Sunghoon along with Yunjin were there with their own plus ones. Every one of them were split into their own small groups, but you stuck to Jake, speaking to Yunjin and her date.

Jake was focused on whatever topic Yunjin's date was spewing, so Yunjin had you all to herself. "You and Jake?" She whispered quietly, so that it was only between you and her. Her eyebrows wavered, a knowing grin plastered on.

You simply shrugged, not trying to be lowkey but in actuality, you really didn't know. "Nothing's official,"

"Yet?"

"I don't know?"

"He hasn't asked you out on a date?" Yunjin gasped, eyes widened.

"Nope, unless you count some random frat party where he left me hanging,"

"Oh God," she heaved a deep breath. "He's got a lot to do, but other than that, I'm pretty sure it's already settled,"

Your head tilted at her choice of words. "What do you mean settled?"

"He likes you, you like him! That's already settled,"

"What?"

"Y/N! Can't you tell how head over heels that boy is? You know he wouldn't shut up about you all these years, right? Even when you two were apart,"

"When we were apart?"

Yunjin chuckled, unable to hold back her smile of endearment. "He always told us about you, how he wants us to meet you and all that. When he went to Germany, we kept in contact, even visited him. I remembered clearly how he said he missed you, he wouldn't shut up about you, I'm serious,"

All those times you thought he had forgotten about you or not even given you a single thought, it was actually the opposite. As much as you have kept him in your thoughts, he has equally been doing the same.

"Give it a thought, Y/N, give him a thought," Yunjin patted your shoulder, giving you a smile of assurance.

Everyone eventually left the room in search of the bar and dance floor, you and Jake following behind. Along the way, he continued keeping his hand around you, not letting you go.

"You okay?" He passed you your drink, his eyes searching for yours in the dim lights.

"I'm alright, don't worry," you gave his arm a small squeeze of reassurance.

Most of the guys and Yunjin had already taken off into the dancefloor with their partners, leaving you and Jake by the bar alone. Yunjin's words from earlier still rang freshly in your mind, it was all you could think of whenever you stole glances of Jake.

"What are you thinking about?" He seemed to have caught on your strange behaviour and you resembled a deer caught in headlights at the sudden confrontation.

"Nothing," you shook your head, lying through your teeth. You were thinking about something, someone actually. Him.

"Really?"

"Really," you enunciated, thinking of a way to switch the topics. "So, why aren't you out there dancing?"

"I wanted to be here with you,"

That got you there. His words never failed to have you kicking your feet and giggling.

"You could be out there—I don't know—dancing with someone else,"

"I'd choose you over that 'someone else'," he calmly took a sip out of his drink, his gaze never leaving yours. "In a heartbeat,"

You swore you could feel yourself flushing red, heat creeping up your neck to your face, the room suddenly seemed like it was spinning. "You can't just say things like that,"

Jake grinned, a playful look displayed on that charming face of his. "What? It's the truth!"

“You’re annoying” you jokingly punched his shoulder, downing your drink almost at once, it surely did help calm your nerves, but not your racing heart.

Your conversation with Jake soon dissolved when the others came back from the dance floor, all sweaty and craving for drinks, huddled around the bar ordering one by one before returning back to the room for a karaoke session. The overwhelming atmosphere had you excusing yourself to the restrooms, and you ended up giving a pep talk into the mirror as you fixed your makeup.

Jake liked you? The fact itself was hard to grasp. You couldn’t even swallow and accept that you had actual feelings for him, your childhood best friend, the one you experienced many embarrassing, happy and sad moments with, the same guy who believed in you more than anyone else. He wasn’t just a friend to you anymore, he was someone you wished for more with.

Exiting the restroom with a heavy heart and question marks filled mind, you just needed a drink to pour your feelings into. You were making your way back to the room with a drink in hand now that everyone was done dancing, but before you could turn a corner, you heard voices and immediately stopped in your tracks. Hushed whispers that were clear and audible even with the music in the background filled the empty corridor. It didn’t take long to piece the voices of Jake and Heeseung.

“So…what’s going on between you and Y/N?”

Your eyebrows quirked up at the mention of your name. Could this be it? Was Jake going to spill an answer you’ve been dying for? Let’s make this clear, you didn’t like overhearing other people’s business, but your current situation was a little hard for you to just walk boldly into the corridor, not when your curiosity got the best of you.

“What do you mean?”

“What? You and Y/N, man, come on. There’s no way you don’t have feelings for her. You’ve been together since the time we met years back, and even further before we met, and you’ve never stopped talking about her, ever,”

“I–I don’t know, it’s complicated. We’re just friends,”

“Jake, are you serious?”

“I’ve never felt this way before, Hee,” Jake’s voice wavered, seemingly distressed. “I can’t have a relationship now, I’m just starting out and I don’t want to get distracted,”

“Jake, are you listening to yourself? Since when was Y/N a distraction to you? And you didn’t seem to care whenever you went out partying in Germany,”

“Look, Hee, maybe I just want to focus on my career for now,”

“Is that why you barely made the effort to talk to Y/N back in Germany?” Heeseung hissed, frustration evident in his tone. “Your lame excuses, were you just scared or in denial of your feelings?”

“Stop. I don't know if I like her like that. Fuck, I–I don't know, okay?”

“Y/N?” you whipped your head around, meeting the brown irises of Park Sunghoon, who was just returning from the restrooms as well. Perfect timing indeed. You were so busted.

Internally, you were panicking like crazy, heart beating in anxiety and your blood pumping insanely. You could feel three pairs of eyes staring at you, each one held different emotions. Heeseung and Jake stood frozen in their spots, their faces matching each other’s surprise, whereas Sunghoon remained confused.

You met Jake’s gaze, one filled with utmost guilt and sadness, but yours could only reflect anger and bewilderment. You didn’t bother waiting another second before storming away, only feeling suffocated by each of Jake’s words that stung just like a fresh wound. This was another night ruined by the man you liked, and you’re about to go home with a new broken heart. But you were the idiot here after all, willingly letting him break your heart in two, and once it healed, it’d beat for him again, because you would always go back to him.

The moment you reached the outside of the club, you realised how fucked you were without a ride, having no choice but to wake your roommate to pick you up. You wondered how you landed yourself in this position, standing stranded in front of a club, blinking away the oncoming tears and just needing a hug of comfort.

“Y/N!”

Jake’s voice reached your ears, and soon, you were face to face with him. Wow, speaking of deja vu, this only reminded you of the unfortunate night you had with him, both ending sour.

“I have nothing to say to you, Jake,”

“Hear me out—”

“Fuck off,”

“Please,”

You scoffed in disbelief. “You're really confusing, you know? One second you say some shit that gets my hopes up and my heart racing, then the next second you decide to crush everything! Make up your mind. I'm not someone for you to play around,”

“I’m not trying to play you!”

“Oh right? You said you wanted to start slow and bring me out on a proper date, then you're out here declaring you don't like me. Well, asshole, I like you!"

"What?"

You cursed at yourself and your bluntness, blinking harshly as you swallowed the lump building in your throat. "Forget it, forget whatever I said,"

“I do have feelings for you too, you know that!”

"No, no, no, you don't get to suddenly decide that, Jake, not after what you just said," you backed away from him, shaking your head incredulously. Hell, you were confused about your feelings, but Jake was miles worse. “You need to sort yourself out first before telling me you like me or not, you can’t just say that and then say you don’t know behind my back,”

“I know, God, I’m sorry,” he was a mess, a beautiful mess in creation.

Silence befall on you both, the tension was killing you and you hated it. You didn’t want him to be a stranger, but you can’t bear being around him right now. Your eyes could only reflect disappointment and sadness as your gaze swept his face.

“You once said I changed, but you know what, Jake? Maybe it's you who's changed,” you spat every word out angrily, a mix of emotions overflowing. “I feel dumb for liking you,”

“Really? Do you regret it?” somehow, the two of you were equally mad now, the sadness turned into unresolved anger, showing the ugly side that neither you nor him have seen of each other before.

You swallowed, knowing damn well the answer that was going to leave your lips. “The worst part is that I don’t,”

Jake’s lips quivered, his eyes searching for anything but yours, unable to meet your eyes or even directly face you. “It has always been you. You’ve always been my number one,”

His words stung hard, harder than the times you’ve scraped your knees against hard surfaces, it hurt you, just as much as it did to him just from uttering those sentences. If this was what love was supposed to be like, you want nothing about it.

“Go home, Jake. I'll see you soon.”

CRYING ON THE WAY HOME IN ALEXIA'S CAR WASN'T A PERFECT end to the supposed enjoyable night you wished to have. It took five different rom coms, one tub of ice cream and lots of girls talk to get you out of your slump.

During the first few days since the incident, you did receive text messages from Jake, apologetic ones that were almost written like essays. But you couldn't bring a single ounce of you to reply back to him, leaving him on ‘delivered’ and switching your phone off.

Just when you thought the storm had calmed, you were proven wrong once more.

"You've got to see this,"

On a morning not far from a prestigious award ceremony you were bound to attend in France, a controversy broke out, one that involved you in it, specifically, you and Jake.

'BARCELONA'S YOUNG STARS CAUGHT IN A HEATED FIGHT OUTSIDE OF NIGHTCLUB IN THE CITY'

You've got to be kidding.

The comments were the first thing you avoided, scrolling past to see blurred pictures taken of your altercation with Jake. Talk about double embarrassment.

"No way they got this on camera," Natalia gasped, but Alexia snatched the phone from her grasp and switched it off.

"It'll pass, don't worry, Y/N."

Eventually, the day of the awards ceremony had arrived, you and your fellow nominees from Barcelona, Jake included, travelled to France together on a private plane.

It was awkward to say the least. Avoiding one another, not making eye contact or even acknowledging each other's presence. The others were making sure to seem unfazed by this despite reading the news themselves, but what could they do? All they wanted was calm and serenity.

You were partnered up with a player from the men's team, Alejandro, who will be your date for the night. You didn't mind having him as your date, just wishing to get the whole thing done as soon as you could.

"You're not planning to talk it out with him?" Alexia said as she helped fix your makeup, dresses laid on the bed and heels strewn all over the floor.

"What do I even say? 'Oh, I like you, yeah I said that already. But you don't like me—wait—you don't know!' Boohoo,"

"Y/N,"

You let out a deep sigh, getting up once Alexia finished her last touch ups. "Look, his confusion isn't something for me to deal with, you know. Either he makes up his mind and is ready for me, or he'll just never get me, that's it."

On the other side of the hotel room and specifically the floor below yours, presented the men's rooms. Jake happened to be getting ready along with his teammate and roommate, Mateo.

They were on the conversation of their assigned dates when Mateo's mind suddenly struck a thought. He didn't know if it was the right time to ask, but his mouth couldn't help slipping.

“Jake,”

“Yeah?”

“Are you going to apologise?”

Mateo didn't even need to mention any names and Jake already knew what he meant.

“Why?”

“I just—I don't know—I don't like how you guys are fighting,”

“You're sweet, Mat, but she's probably too angry to even see me now anyway, I fucked up big time,”

“But do you want to apologise?”

“Of course I do! That's a no brainer. I just don't wish to fuck it up again,”

“You won't,” Mateo patted Jake’s shoulder sympathetically, both plopping down on the edge of the bed. “You like her, don’t you?”

“Well—”

“Not in a platonic way, but in a romantic way,”

“I do,” almost instantly, those words left his lips without any hesitation.

“Then what’s stopping you?”

“Myself,” he groaned, rubbing the side of his face agonisingly. “I’m scared, Mat, I’m scared of ruining what we have,”

“Jake, you shouldn’t let your fears overcome you, or stop you from professing your love either,” Mateo sighed, wrapping his arm around the latter’s shoulder. “Y/N likes you, dumbass, there’s nothing to ruin. Instead, she’s probably thinking you hate her for not giving her a clear green light,”

“I know,”

“Talk to her. Maybe not tonight or tomorrow, but soon. The longer you drag this on, it would just create a distance.”

The evening eventually faded into bright lights and speeches, you and the others sitting among the crowd of distinguished footballers from different parts of the world. You couldn’t lie, it was hard keeping your eyes away from Jake when he was looking absolutely gorgeous. Hair slicked back, dressed in a sleek black suit paired with an expensive tie, he had your knees weak when you were supposed to be mad.

His gaze on you definitely didn’t go unnoticed either, taking the sight of you in and your attire for the night, a certain unspoken longing for one another hung in the air.

It was towards the end of the night when you excused yourself to the restrooms, your usual escape plan. Exiting the theatre hall and getting to wander around the exquisite area gave you a slight peace of mind, it wasn’t everyday you got the chance to be in France anyway. But disaster just had to strike and ruin your brief tranquillity.

As you descended the stairs, you heard a snap, almost missing your balance, and you knew at once, your heel had taken an unfortunate turn of life. Glancing down at your heel, it indeed had snapped and was broken, and you had the misfortune of not having any super glue on you.

You tried taking a step, stupid mistake. The imbalance of your heels made you stumble, and just when you were ready to meet your fate of face planting into the expensive marble floors, a hand gripped your forearm.

“Hey, you okay?”

It didn’t take much for you to realise that voice belonged to Jake, who was also holding onto your arm. You coughed, regaining your balance and swiftly yanked your arm from his hold. Jake took a step back, slipping his hands into his pockets.

“I’m fine,” you said hastily, your head snapping up to meet his gaze. “Were you following me?”

“No!” he exclaimed, his hand travelling to the back of his neck, looking away from you. He was lying, you could see right through him. “Well—I—we saw you rushing out, so we just wanted to check up on you,”

“Right,” you nodded, biting your lips softly as you held in a small laugh at his blatant lie. “Tell the others I’m alright, I just wanted a stroll, but my heel broke,”

“Oh,” Jake’s gaze averted to the sight of your depressing heels. “I’ll let your manager know, I’m pretty sure they can get something else for you,”

“I’d really appreciate that,”

“Okay,” Jake smiled slightly, nodding also, his body turning to leave but halted midway. “I never got to tell you how beautiful you looked tonight,”

You practically stilled momentarily, letting his words work its magic on you. In that moment, it felt as if the world had stopped and everyone had disappeared, and it was just you two, alone and vulnerable. Soon, you snapped back to reality, swallowing thickly.

“Thank you, you look great too,”

He said nothing more, merely giving you one last friendly smile before turning away and continuing his way back to the theatre, leaving you to long for him, sadness welling up your heart and your eyes turned heavy. You wished he would run back to you now, telling you how sorry he was, whatever, you just needed him. But that wasn’t going to happen.

Cruel, hard reality reminded you that maybe this was probably one sided after all.

You were over exhausted by the time you returned back to the hotel, the group was now scattered and everyone was either on their own or lingering somewhere else at the afterparty. At that moment, the pop of notification on your phone caught your attention, it was a message from Natalia.

nat: meet me at my room! i have something for you ;)

Suspicions crept up internally, that winking emoji practically told you this wasn’t what it seemed. But you went either way, still dressed in your gown and sporting a pair of comfortable slippers, trudging along the halls of the hotel towards Natalia’s room.

Three knocks was all it took for you to realise the room was unlocked, pushing it open and revealing a clean and spotless room, which was so Natalia. As for a sign of any human being in the room, there was actually none. Initially, you thought of something bad happening, lowkey panicked and rang up Natalia, only to realise a particular thing. Natalia was at the after party.

“Hello?”

You whipped your head towards the source of the voice, freezing at once when you saw who it was. The universe must be setting you up for further embarrassment at this point. Jake was standing in front of you, confused and lost.

“Where’s Natalia?”

“I would want to ask the same question too,” you glanced around the room helplessly. “She isn’t here. Did she text you?”

“She did,”

“Jake,” you started, walking to the door, a sinking feeling inside of you as you hoped whatever you were currently thinking wasn’t actually true. “Did you shut the door?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you realise we’re stuck in here now? We don’t have the keycard,”

The confusion on Jake’s face morphed into shock and horror, approaching the door and giving it a yank, but it was obviously not working. “This is ridiculous,” he groaned under his breath.

“Forget it, it’s already done,” you kicked your slippers off and made yourself comfortable on the bed, your back connecting to the soft covers and almost drifting off to sleep.

Jake could only nod solemnly, sitting down on the other bed wordlessly. It didn’t take long for the uncomfortable silence to settle, both of you wanting to talk but having zero courage to even do so. You were hopeless and he was just the same.

"We should talk,"

You glanced over at his figure, slowly sitting up, a wary look painted your expressions. "About?"

"About us,"

You gulped, hating the thought of confrontations, but what you hated more was being a stranger with Jake. It pained you having to ignore him or pretend his existence wasn't there.

“What’s there to us? You broke my heart, Jake, and it hurts like a bitch. I heard you clearly in the club that night, and I don’t think I can forget it easily,” you sucked a breath in, being on the edge of combustion. “You know what? If the possibility of us being together is a distraction for you, then fine, forget I ever said I like you, then we can go on like nothing—”

“I don’t want to forget it,” he murmured, eyes flickering. “I don’t want to forget you or your words,”

A pause.

"I'm sorry," he said slowly. "I shouldn't have said what I said. I shouldn't have treated you like that, I was a massive asshole,"

"You were,"

"I'm really sorry, for hurting you and causing you so much pain," Jake was fidgeting with his fingers, averting his gaze once in a while. “What I said in the club was stupid, it was immature. I wasn’t clear with my feelings then and I could only figure shit out after, I'm just scared of ruining what we have. I don't want to lose you if anything goes south, I don't want to lose you as a friend and a lover,”

"Jake," you began, eyebrows furrowed as your bottled up confusion and frustration slowly crept up. "You won't, your fears are only driving us apart, can't you see that? I–I just don't get you. Do you even like me? Or do you just say you do but you actually don't?"

"I do like you," his tone came out harsh, as though he had been holding it in forever and only getting the bottled up feelings out now.

"Then show me," your eyes pleading and his apologetic. "Show me that you want me, that you actually do. No second guessing or anything. I need you to need me back,"

“I do need you,” he said quietly under his breath, the tension in the room was absolutely cut throat. “I’ll do anything to gain your trust back,” he got up from his spot and walked over to your side, sitting next to you, barely any space between you and him as your shoulders grazed against each other. “I could give you the world if I had to,”

You turned your head and met Jake’s eyes at once, the wordless exchange through one another’s gazes was enough to express the amount of longing and pining harboured. You could feel his fingertips softly brushed against yours, sending slight electric shock into your system.

“I like you. I like you. I like you,” those three words were poured out like a mantra, causing you to still momentarily, a frown etched onto your scrunched expressions. “I’ve liked you since forever, but I never came to terms with it. At one point, I wanted to tell you … but you moved away. I thought if I could do it all again, I would go back to you and tell you how I feel,”

“Those years when you were gone, I kept thinking about you, I wanted to hold you when I'm not supposed to, I wanted you close—I want you,"

Your breath hitched.

"I couldn’t get you out of my head, you were all I could ever think of, everywhere I went, anyone I met, I saw a part of you in them, you were occupying my head, I can’t stop, and it’s because of how in love I am with you,”

Love. Not like, but love.

“Then don’t stop,” you said breathlessly, chest heaving heavily. “Don’t stop thinking about me, don’t stop letting me take over your head, don’t stop being in love me, ‘cause I never did. I’ve always loved you,”

Longing and yearning clung onto you and Jake desperately. The space between you two was getting smaller, the need for one another pulling one another together. The outpour of love confessions had you and him both speechless for a while, taking some time to process it all entirely. You loved him, he loved you.

Jake shook his head, swallowing thickly. “I can’t believe it took me all these years to realise my true feelings, I’m sorry for realising it too late,”

“You’re never too late,”

Before any of you could get further progress, the door burst open and revealed a drunken Natalia being supported by her roommate. You and Jake instinctively scooted apart from each other, pretending nothing was happening as you faced a confused roommate and a giggly Natalia.

“What are you two doing here?”

“Natalia sent us text messages saying she wanted to meet us here, but she wasn’t and we got locked in,”

Her roommate, Chelsea, nodded, dumping Natalia onto the other bed. “She probably drunk texted you, sorry about that. Well, I need to take care of her so—”

“Oh,” you took the hint, standing up. “We’ll leave you to it. Goodnight,”

Jake followed you out awkwardly after bidding Chelsea goodbye. Once you were out of the room, you turned around and noticed Jake looking like a helpless puppy. “You’re going back?”

“Yeah, I need to freshen up,” he chuckled, smoothing the fronts of his suit.

“Me too,” gosh, the stiffness and awkward tension was eating you up. “Bye,”

“I’m serious about gaining your apology back, you know?”

You couldn’t even escape when those words suddenly poured out from Jake, catching you immensely off guard and having you rooted to your spot. “I’ll prove it to you, and I'll make it up to you,” he continued, backing away gradually with a knowing grin. “Goodnight!”

“Goodnight, Jake.”

You were incredibly unprepared for what he has up his sleeves.

“I KNOW YOU WERE THE ONE PLOTTING IT,”

Fun didn’t last long after arriving back from France as the team was put to immediate training sessions. A special training session this time at the club’s stadium. You and Jake didn’t speak much after that night in the hotel, especially when you went separate ways with individual training schedules now. But that wasn’t all. Your suspicions with Natalia remained and even though you’ve pestered her ages since then, she has never spilled anything, until this fateful session.

Her widened eyes stared at you, coughing uncomfortably as she masked obliviousness, but you could see through her instantly.

“Natalia,” you narrowed your gaze at the latter, who only shied away.

“I had that idea in mind…then I got drunk, and the alcohol controlled me to do stupid stuff like that,”

You rolled your eyes at her, passing the ball to her. “I’m not mad, by the way,”

“You’re not?”

“If I was, I would’ve been mad during the first few days, not now,”

“True,” Natalia shrugged, but you saw the playful spark in her gaze. “What did you do? Chelsea told me you two were … close,”

“We talked it out, nothing else,”

“Nothing else?”

“Nothing,” you repeated, your voice slightly higher than before.

The session was halted momentarily for some rest. Some were laying on the grassy surface, others scattered in groups either chatting or complaining about the hot weather. You were on the topic of dinner with your two roommates when the speakers suddenly made a shrill noise, causing everyone to flinch.

“What’s up with the audio?”

A cough was heard through the speakers in the next second, the sound reverberated through the stadium. Everyone including you were looking around in confusion, those on the ground resting had gotten to their feet. All of a sudden, a familiar song started to play, ‘Can’t Take My Eyes off You’, the same song you always played whenever Jake came over when you were kids.

“You're just too good to be true, can't take my eyes off of you. You'd be like heaven to touch, I wanna hold you so much…” The Australian accent was heavy and recognisable, which meant it could only be that certain someone running through your mind.

“Jake?” you muttered under your breath in disbelief, seeing his figure appearing amongst the stands, a microphone in hand. A soft smile unknowingly crept onto your face, laughing quietly at his ridiculous efforts.

It was just the same as the day he dedicated the goal to you. In a crowd full of people, his focus was trained only on you and nobody else, it was all you. His gaze never left your figure as the iconic instrumental part of the song played, and it reminded you of the days you sang this song in karaoke with Jake, screaming the lyrics and humming the instrumentals.

“I love you, baby, and if it's quite alright. I need you, baby, to warm the lonely night. I love you, baby, trust in me when I say—oh, pretty baby, don't bring me down, I pray,” he sang as he skipped down the steps of the stadium, getting closer to the front. Your teammates were passing you cheeky grins, some were even shoving you just like teenagers teasing their friends after seeing their crushes in the hallway. You yourself couldn’t even hold back a giddy look.

“Oh, pretty baby, now that I've found you, stay. And let me love you, baby, let me love you,” he extended his arm towards you, as if speaking these words just for you to hear. Before you could even accept his hand, your coach came right in time to stare at Jake, clearly unamused.

“Well, Mr Sim, what a performance that was,” Jonatan greeted Jake with a brief handshake. “Apologies for bursting your bubble but the training session is starting soon,”

Jake nodded, a pleased smile paraded on that face filled with confidence. “Got it. Sorry for interrupting. I’ll be leaving now then,” he peeked over your coach’s shoulder, waved and passed you one of his cheesy smiles before slipping away. When he was out of sight, Jonatan turned back and clapped his hands.

“Back to business!” he shouted, followed by loud unsatisfied grunts. Just as he was passing by, he made sure to whisper quietly and closely to you. “What a man you’ve got there, L/N.”

That totally had you blushing red.

It didn’t take long for training to end. You were about to text Jake about his whole stunt but then you realised you didn’t need to do so, because he was standing directly in front of you at the carpark.

“Need a ride?” You didn’t drive, usually carpooling with the girls back to the apartment, but this might have to be an exception.

Jake was leaning against his car, a grin stretched wide. You approached him with a curious gaze, eyebrow raised and arms crossed. “You’re still here?”

He nodded. “I thought I’ll just drop you home since I’m here anyway,”

“I’ll take your offer up,”

Jake even made the effort to open the car door open for you, putting his hand above your head as you entered. The little things did matter to you. But the real question you’ve been waiting for an answer remained, and you were going to shoot.

“What was all that for?”

“What?” he sputtered distractedly as the car started, soon exiting the car park. “The performance, you mean?” a devious smirk appeared on that scheming face of his. “Did you like it?”

“Well, yeah—but that’s so not the point,”

“That is definitely the point,”

“It isn’t!” you laughed, throwing your head back slightly, making contact with the headrest. “Seriously, Sim, why did you go all out for that? You could’ve been in trouble,”

“Remember the movie you loved when we were younger?”

“Which one? There’s too many,”

“That 2000s movie, something ten things something hate?”

“‘10 Things I Hate About You’!”

“Yeah, that. The one you forced me to watch for millions of times,”

“Did not,”

“You did,” Jake rolled his eyes, a small smile remained. “I remembered how much you loved that thing where he sang the song to her, and it happened to be our song, so I thought it would be a great way to apologise,”

“That’s sweet, Jake, really,”

“That’s not all,” He took a brief glance at you, letting the anticipation of his words sink in.“I’d like to take you out for dinner. I want to make it up to you,”

“You don’t have to,” your heart melted.

“I want to, seriously,” he said as he drummed his fingers against the steering wheel, his face beaming. “You told me to prove myself to you, and that’s what I’m doing. I want to take you out on dates and show you how much I mean every way I feel. I’ll wait for an answer for as long as I can even if it’s a lifetime,”

“Jake,” you called out his name quietly, placing a hand on his forearm. He carefully took hold of your hand, slithering his palm against yours and entangled your fingers together. “You want to take me out on dates?”

“I’m taking it slow. I don’t want to fuck up again,”

“You won’t, swear,” you reassured him, squeezing his hand gently.

“I’ll pick you up tonight? Go rest and have a shower first, you stink,”

“Hey! I did shower before this,”

“You mean you lightly rinsed yourself?”

“Guilty.”

It has been ages since you’ve felt nervous before something. Being nervous for matches was nonexistent at this point, but going on your first date in years was stressing you out. Not to mention, it was a date with Jake. You were feverishly placing clothes and dresses on the front of your body as you looked into the mirror, taking hundreds of tries before settling for a new unworn black dress.

You were glad to be just on time when you heard the sound of your notification, indicating Jake’s arrival below your apartment complex. The jitters were undeniable once you’ve reached the ground floor and walked towards the area he was at. The clicks of your heels against the hard floor gave your presence away and had Jake turning around, his eyes landing directly on you. His strong gaze took your figure in, his lips lazily pulled a playful smirk.

“Wow,”

“‘Wow’?” you chuckled, greeting him with a brief hug. He was dressed impressively well, nothing too much but not too minimal either.

“You are ‘wow’,” he raised his eyebrows. “You’re gorgeous, you know that?”

A tinge of pink painted both of your cheeks lightly. Oh, you were so definitely and undeniably blushing from the effect of his words again. Damn him.

“Save the flirting for later, Sim,”

“So, you’re saying I can flirt however much I want with you?”

“Yeah, yeah. Let’s go now or else we’ll miss reservations,” Jake loved your promptness, always and forever putting up with it, unable to resist a smile when he opened the car door for you, feeling the way his heart twists lovingly.

“Wait,” before he started the car, he reached to the backseat, reaching for something you couldn’t make out. That was until he pulled out a big bouquet of mixed flowers, one of every flower you loved. He remembered them all. “I got you flowers, and—” another bag of something, “—your favourite food and snacks. Some are from Germany, our hometown and even here,”

“No way, you got food from home?” you accepted his gifts way too enthusiastically. Your expressions lighting up immediately, legs shaking in anticipation as you went through the variety of snacks in the bag. All while it happened, Jake just remained silent, quietly watching you smile widely and eyes glinting brightly.

You looked up after a few moments, meeting his affectionate stare. “You’re staring!”

He shrugged, presenting you with a lopsided smile. “I love seeing you happy, sweets.”

You swore you almost fell onto the road when you saw how luxurious the place Jake had taken you to. The interior was exquisite and it had a nice ambience to it. A part of you was glad you had decided to dress up a little more than usual considering he had taken you to fine dining.

Throughout the entire journey there, you were sharing random stories with each other, bringing up old memories and even going on the topic of Jake’s dog. It all flowed naturally, just as how it always did, and that was something nobody else could take away from neither you nor Jake.

“Hi, ready to order?” the waitress soon came by, but you noticed something odd to her vibe. There it was, her lingering gaze on Jake. She likes him!

Never once had she spared you a single glance when you said your order, focusing only on Jake. Annoyance and irk weren’t enough to amount to the feelings you had in the moment, your mood sinking lower as you witnessed her attempting to flirt with him.

On the other hand, Jake was smart enough to catch onto the hint this time, actively avoiding her advances and rejecting her approaches, but it seemed she was the one who couldn’t take a hint. Just as you were ready to hand the menu over, little miss man stealer here batted her eyelashes and asked for Jake’s number. Hello? You were here too!

“I’m on a date here, can’t you see that?” he snapped, eventually reaching his own limits as well. “You’re disrespecting my girl and me,”

My girl, my girl, my girl.

That was spinning in your head even after Jake finished his small complaint, huffing and puffing in agitation. He was ready to face an unhappy face but it was actually quite the opposite. You were literally smiling giddily.

“What are you so happy for?” he couldn’t help laughing a little after seeing your smile, but you waved it off, shaking your head.

“It’s nothing, just thought of something,”

Jake nodded slowly, reaching over for your hand. “Sorry about earlier. I requested for a different waiter,”

“It’s fine, Jake, she was being totally unprofessional anyway,”

“Tell me about it, gosh,” he groaned, intertwining your hand with his, the spark in his eyes shining brighter. “I’m glad you’re here with me tonight,”

“Me too,”

“Thanks for giving me a chance again,”

“Always.”

You’d go back to him any day, any time, and frankly, he would do just the same.

EVER SINCE THAT NIGHT WITH JAKE, THINGS HAVE BEEN TAKING QUICK ADVANCEMENTS.

He brought you out on countless dates, whether it was casual ones or planned, he made the utmost effort to perfect them all, giving you great princess treatment everytime. Your football matches were something he hated missing out on, almost having perfect attendance and frequently being in the stands cheering you on. All in all, he has been nothing but a sweetheart, healing your heart gradually as time passed.

Nothing felt forced whenever you were with him, every moment together made you the happiest, and you couldn’t stop smiling around him and his silly jokes. You liked him, wait, no. You loved him. But there was an ongoing problem, you weren’t even official yet.

Waiting for Jake to ‘pop the question’ was something you didn’t want to think or stress about, but it was a passing thought once in a while. You appreciated the fact that he had indeed taken it slow and took baby steps during the past months of going on dates, but you were getting impatient. You knew you were ready.

Maybe things were meant to be unexpected, and that was the beauty of it.

Jake picking you up from training sessions became a frequent routine by now, proceeding to his house for some movies and hot dinner. This time around, he had other plans in mind that made you scratch your head curiously.

“You want me to stay over?”

“Yeah,” he said nonchalantly, totally laid back as if this wasn't something new. However, it was actually super new and foreign. You've been to his place lots and uncountable times, but staying over? That's new. “What’s wrong?”

"Nothing," you quickly assured. "I never stayed over, that's all,"

"You stayed over all the time when we're kids!"

"That's different. It's different now,"

Something glinted in those brown irises of his, realising what your words meant. "You're right. It is different."

The long training had you falling asleep right away when you got back, giving Jake the chance to pull another scheme right out of his sleeve. Unbeknownst to you, he had been planning this all along, finding a right time to execute it. He was going to pop the question, the boyfriend girlfriend question that you and him had been waiting for too long.

Jake was nervous. He wasn't even asking you to marry him, but it felt almost like it from the way he was pacing around in the other room while you were sound asleep peacefully. Calling take out and preparing a movie were the usual things you'd do whenever you were over at his, so he tried maintaining his cool and kept collected as he ran through the normal routine.

Peace wasn't an option when you woke up soon after, hearing your footsteps and hoping his heart would calm down quickly before it burst. You were freshening up in the bathroom, then he saw you approaching, a lazy smile greeting him. God, his heart was weak for you.

"Hey," your body fell into the couch right next to him, letting his arm naturally wrap around your shoulder. "What's for today's take out?"

"The usual, from your favourite place,"

"Stop, really?" You squealed in excitement, loving yourself some good food with an even better company. "What movie are we watching?"

"I know you've been dying to rewatch 'Pretty Woman', haven't you?"

"Maybe …"

"'Pretty Woman' it is then."

Everything seemed like how it always was, a movie playing in the background, the finished plates of food on the table, your head on Jake's shoulder, it was a normal day over at Jake's. Yet for him, it wasn't just a simple one this time around. He was going to finally say what he wanted to say, and he was going to be brave about it.

"Y/N, I've been meaning to ask you this—"

Your head snapped up from his shoulder, a look of worry written all over your face. "Is it about the last pizza slice you were saving?"

Jake blinked, being the one who's dumbfounded now. "What? Were you the one who ate it?"

"No?"

He rolled his eyes lightheartedly, reaching to pinch your cheek gently. "You're lucky I like you," this was the time, Jake, say it! "Which explains why I'm about to ask you this—" he turned his body to face you, took a hold of your hands, pulling you slightly closer to him.

"Let me be yours, Y/N. Can I be your boyfriend?"

Your momentary silence genuinely scared him a little, but the moment he saw your face lighting up with a wide cheesy grin, he knew that was it.

"Definitely—" you nodded almost too eagerly, your eyes wandering every part of his face, a swell of emotions erupted in the bottom pits of your abdomen. "—boyfriend,"

Upon hearing the word slipping from your lips, Jake couldn't get anymore giddy. "You're too cute. My girlfriend, my girl," he only got closer, inching towards you, his eyes occasionally flickering between you and your lips.

"Can I–I kiss you?"

At that moment, nothing felt real. The flashing lights from the television only made Jake's eyes gleam brighter in the dim room. You nodded, holding in your breath unknowingly. You were about to kiss Jake. Your boyfriend. Your best friend.

"I need words, sweets," he mumbled, one hand still holding onto you, the other already travelling up the side of your neck up to your face.

"Yeah, need you to kiss me,"

It didn't take Jake much more consideration after that, colliding his lips into yours electrifyingly, sealing unspoken desires and pent up frustrations, as if you and him had been waiting for this for too long. You reciprocated his desperation feverishly, the movie now completely out of sight and mind.

Jake was the first to pull away, both breathless and dazed, trying to catch his breath. You were most probably blushing, the dim light thankfully hiding it. Heart pumping heavily, feeling warm all over and a sense of excitement were overwhelming you suddenly, just from a kiss, which never happened before in the history of your love life.

"You're pretty, really pretty," his low voice brought you out of your brief trance, not realising how close he was to you and him observing your every feature. "Can I kiss you again?"

Something in you, probably the overflowing giddiness, brought out a light laugh from you, and being easily influenced by you, Jake started laughing too. The hand holding onto yours tugged you towards him, your body crashing into his, until you finally adjusted your body comfortably in his lap, you met his lips once more.

You could feel Jake grinning into the kiss, either of you breaking into small giggles here and there. The kiss was gentle this time, the love and affection from him were poured into his kiss, expressing something words aren't enough or able to.

"I can never resist you," you poked his chest lightly, your head now resting on Jake's shoulder just like before, your arms now wrapped around his torso, sitting in his lap and enjoying the intimacy.

"Of course you can't," he teased, earning a small punch to the shoulder from you. "I might need more kisses,"

"You're getting none,"

"You're so mean,"

"But you do love me for that, don't you?"

Jake wasn't able to resist an eye roll, tickling your side. "I do," his hand rubbing your back. "Hey, what do you think my mum would react after we tell them about us?"

"Is your mum going to kill me?"

"You're aware my mum loves you more than me, right? Her own child? She's going to be fine," he snorted, his fingers playing with your hair distractedly. "I'm really glad you're here with me now, genuinely. You've always been my strength, my number one, and I don't think I could even be here without you,"

"Jake…" you faltered, getting slightly emotional, the effect of his words getting to you again! " I'll literally kiss you again,"

"Really?"

"Later," you pushed your overly impatient boyfriend's face away, letting out a humorous laugh, only to face a pout from him after. "I'll always come back to you."

You knew heaven was a thing, you go there whenever you are with him. If this was what love felt like, maybe you would want it for a long time.

No matter how hard you tried to fight it, he would always make you feel things others wouldn't be able to. Even after breaking your heart, then healing it wholly, it somehow only beats for him, and in the end, you knew you'd go back to him, you'll always do.

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animehideout · 9 months

Text

JJK Men Perfect First Date

Part 2

Check out part 1 here ✨

a/n: Part 3 will include Aoi Todo / Yuta Okkotsu / Mahito / Ino Takuma 💛

@itz-amani what do you think about Sukuna's first date 🫶🏻??

Divider credit: @cafekitsune 🧡

Itadori Yuuji: Cinema date

Yuuji loves movies, especially horror ones and that would be a reason for both of you to cling onto each other, in case you get scared easily.

But since it's your first date, Yuuji would let you suggest and choose what you'll be watching.

You'd share a large bucket of sweet popcorn and grab your favorite candies. Your hands would touch while grabbing the popcorn, making both of you blush.

Yuuji would definitely sneak extra snacks in case you got hungry during the movie.

You'd settle into your comfy seats and you won't pull up the armrest, fully enjoying the closeness of your bodies.

The atmosphere is so light and full of joy, Itadori is a ball of sunshine, he'd make you laugh a lot by cracking jokes.

During the movie, you'd repeatedly steal glances at each other, sharing smiles and subtle touches.

If there's a romantic scene both of you would feel extremely shy, turning into tomatoes.

You'd be the last ones to leave, you'd stay a bit longer, excitedly discussing your favorite scenes and plot twists.

Shared laugher would continue even after leaving the cinema, he would ask you on a second date for sure.

Would definitely walk you home, and offer you his jacket if the weather got chilly.

Would give you a big hug or a kiss on the cheek as a ' thank you ' , anticipating your shared future adventures.

“That was a great movie, but being here with you made it absolutely perfect”

Ryomen Sukuna: Late night drive

Your first date would be full of adrenaline.

Sukuna would arrive in a sleek sports car to pick you up, the roaring engine hinting at the adventure ahead.

Would open the door for you, to leave a good first impression.

His hand shamelessly would rest on your thigh the whole drive sending shivers down your spine.

The playlist basically consists of The Weeknd songs as they sync with the pulse of the night.

Once you hit the open road, the empty streets are inviting for a burst of speed.

The route includes sharp turns and twists adding to the excitement, your heart would be beating out of your chest but you completely trust that Sukuna would get you to your destination in one piece.

The city lights became blurry from how fast Sukuna was driving, landscapes became a dynamic backdrop as if you were traveling to another dimension.

Eventually Sukuna's, found a quiet spot to let the adrenaline settle.

You'd get out of the car to watch the breathtaking city light from the top of a hill, letting the cold night breeze bring you back to reality.

His arm would wrap around you pulling you closer to his chest to transfer his body heat to yours.

If you get extremely cold, you'd get back inside his car and chill there.

Would definitely make out with you in his car while After Hours- The Weeknd♪ is playing in the background.

“The thrill of the speed is matched only by the thrill of being here with you. It's like the universe conspired for us to have this moment”

Megumi Fushiguro: Library date

As you greet each other, Megumi would give you a single red rose, it would make your heart flutter and add a touch of romance. Who said Megumi can't be romantic?

You'd go to an aesthetic library, first you'd start your date by exploring the aisles together, checking the different genres of book that are filling the shelves.

The hushed atmosphere and the sound of pages turning soothed both of you.

Both of you would recommend different genres depending on your tastes.

After grabbing the books that you'll be reading, you'd find a cosy corner with cushions.

You'd sit there next to a big window, reading and watching as the droplets of rain fell on the glass.

You'd share occasional glances, blushing when you make eye contact, smiling softly.

You'd read your favorite lines to each other, and discuss the hidden meanings behind sentences.

There are silent moments where words aren't needed, just a comfortable silence shared between both of you, happily humming.

Megumi would walk you home, and promise you for a second date to visit another library with a different aesthetic, he would give you a warm hug.

You'd forever keep that rose that Megumi gave you, you'd use it as a bookmark.

Choso Kamo: Cooking together

Nothing is better than staying at home on rainy day, while enjoying home made food, especially with the man you love. ( pretend you and Choso live in the same building so he won't be soaked with rain)

You and Choso would plan a romantic menu for the night and brainstorm what recipes you'd try to cook.

The kitchen became a shared a space of creativity, fresh ingredients spread on the counter.

Before diving into the cooking, you would choose the perfect playlist.

The kitchen fills with your favorite tunes, and your giggles.

If he manages to pluck up the courage he would wrap his arms around you, engulfing you in a warm back hug.

You would take turns while cooking, chopping, stirring and tasting, you would use the same spoon to taste food making you kiss indirectly.

Once you feel comfortable enough, you'd share a lot of backhugs and include a lot of soft sweet touching.

Once your food is ready, you'd decorate the plate with it, taking it to the living room so both of you can eat while watching your comfort shows.

You'd settle on the comfy sofa, covering yourself with a warm blanket as the food is presented infront of you on the table.

He'd tuck strands of your hair behind your ear while you eat.

You'd feed each other, exchanging comforting smiles.

You'd conclude the night with a sweet dessert that Choso made.

He'd end up staying over, both of you cuddling in each other's arm slowly drifting off to sleep, peacefully sleeping in each other's embraces while rain is pouring outside.

“The warmth is this kitchen, mirrors the warmth in my heart when I'm with you”

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anxiousnerdwritings · 4 months

Note

y’all playing with the Bellatrix Lestrange meme 😂 we all know she’s taking a teaching job at Hogwarts to stay close

ain’t no way she’s gonna spend the next seven years only seeing her darling during summers and holiday breaks

Absolutely no doubt. First, can I say how much I love the idea of Professor!Bellatrix in general cause I do. So fucking much. She’ll be there at the train station causing the most dramatic/traumatizing scene ever only to apparate to Hogwarts and wait for her bby to arrive so she can happily greet them as if she hadn’t just got done seeing them off awhile ago. That, or she she’s riding the train with her bby all the way to Hogwarts. And you can bet, which ever option it is, it’ll be the same exact routine for the next six years.

Also, Yan!Mom!Professor!Bellatrix wholeheartedly plays favorites, she’s very open and blatant about it too. And her most favorite-est student is of course her bby, as if it could possibly be anyone else. You can bet the first few months of the school year, Bellatrix is escorting and overseeing her bby in their classes. And she’s watching like a hawk, scrutinizing everything the other professors do.

You can also bet Bellatrix is slippin’ her bby answers, both in her own class and the other ones as well. Like, I can imagine after all the countless times Bellatrix has been kicked out/banned from the other classrooms she finds ways to sneak in and help her bby out even if they don’t need it at all. Like, she’s just camped out on a banister like some kind of gargoyle watching everything or she’s outside the classroom peeking in from the window, sticking to the side of the castle like spiderman. Hell, she’d sneakin’ in just to slip her precious child some snacks or a spare quill just as an excuse to see and check on them. She knows her bby is well capable of getting through their classes on their own but Bellatrix can’t help her severe separation anxiety. Besides, she needs to know how the other professors and students are treating her bby when she isn’t around.

I can’t help but imagine Yan!mom!Bellatrix, Professor or not, if her child was on the quidditch team. I could see her starting out and coming off calm and collected when watching their first game only to become a rollercoaster of emotions throughout the whole thing. She’s a mess of excitement and nerves for her bby. She’s screaming and hollering for them, jumping with unabashed joy when they’re doing their thing. She and Narcissa are totally holding signs and representing the house colors of whatever house the Reader is in, same goes for Draco when he’s playing. Merlin forbid if Bellatrix’s bby gets hit with a bludger, she would need to be completely restrained from going off and cursing the player and their entire family. And when I say Bellatrix would hold a grudge against the student who did it, I mean it. She would make their life hell until they eventually graduated or transferred schools. Not to mention Draco and his posse are there to help too.

#anxious answers #yandere bellatrix lestrange #yandere bellatrix black #yandere harry potter #yandere harry potter concept #yandere concept

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liliansun · 1 year

Text

I got you and you got me - L. Donhyuck

synopsis: forgetting the paperwork you needed for the meeting, your current boss has some new information to share with you and seeing how you were already late, today couldn’t get much worse, could it?

pairing: ceo!haechan + secretary!fem reader ft. dreamies, johnny (127) and my best friend 🫶

warnings: 18+ minors dni. smut, angst, swearing, slight fluff?, oral (fem receiving), fingering (fem receiving), creaming (use protection kids!), pet names (baby is used), hyuck is kinda a douche at some point, hyuck is cocky in the beginning

wc: 13k

a/n: this is like the second time I’ve ever written smut so please 🤡 do not come for me I tried my best also shout out to ash for the line she suggested <3

“Did you hear about the new ceo transfer?” A thump echoes throughout your apartment as a result of you falling over on your bedroom floor while trying to zip up your pants and put on your left heel. “Ouch—how could I not? It’s all anyone has been talking about.” With a huff, you push yourself off the floor just enough to get on your hands and crawl around searching for the shoe you’re missing. “I heard he’s cute, like really cute.” Rolling your eyes, you decide to ignore the giddy tone in her voice.

Your best friend was one of observation, she always was the first to find out who was doing who and what was going on around her—especially in the office. “As cute as that new intern you’ve been eyeing?” You can hear the slight disrespect in her scoff as she pushes herself back from her desk. “Actually no, no one can be as cute as Jaemin from the seventh floor, but if you’re asking me, his little friend Mark is equally as cute as Jaemin.”

“I thought we were talking—ouch—about the ceo?” You were trying to reach underneath your bed, the space between the floor and the railing wasn’t big enough for your head to fit which ended in your cheek and temple being pressed against the cold metal; still wasn’t a very comfortable position to be in. “Oh yeah, Haechan, he’s quite a card. So far all the girls on the floor are gushing about how badly they want him in bed.” Finally reaching the heel you’ve been clawing at for what felt like hours, you pull it from underneath the bed and lean back on your knees with a victorious smile. “Yes, finally!” She giggles, typing away on her keyboard vigorously as she assumes you got whatever you were so desperately looking for. “I hate to interrupt this moment of triumph, but aren’t you late?”

“Oh shit, fuck—save me a coffee!” Scurrying off the floor in an attempt to get the necessities to leave as soon as possible, you fail to realize the manila envelope laying dormant on your desk by the window. Joy, the best friend who was just keeping you company as you fail to get yourself together, per usual, hangs up the line knowing that you’d probably forget she was still there while you run around your apartment. Today didn’t seem like it was going to be a good one.

For starters, you woke up late and nearly broke a bone or two trying to get ready when Joy called you making sure you were still alive. Then, you forgot the most important piece of your day carelessly back at your apartment which, unbeknownst to you at this moment, is going to bite you in the ass. All the taxi’s in your area seem to think you’re invisible for some reason because despite how hard you’re flagging them down, they drive past you like the dreams you once had.

Deciding to take the train before you’re ultimately fired, you nearly miss the last one for the hour going in the direction you need and when you do finally get on, you’re squished between a big guy who looks like he eats people your size and a literal child who doesn’t look too pleased to be next to you. Thankfully the commute to work isn’t long and you’re off the bus and running through the subway to try and have enough time to salvage your job. Where you grew up and ultimately the background you came from was always strict on being punctual. You were hardly ever late and that was something you took pride in. You always tried to have enough time to make sure you were somewhat decent looking, had everything you needed and even if you weren’t mentally prepared, at least you looked like you were and that was good enough for you.

So when you’re rushing into the multi-story building that holds about as many employees as you get on your paycheck, you’re definitely getting some looks of concern while you’re running and almost tripping towards the elevator. Impatiently tapping your foot on the floor while waiting for the elevator, you feel a presence coming you way and you’re just hoping it’s no one you know that’ll try and start a conversation with you. “Got somewhere to be?” The voice beside you wasn’t one you were familiar with, his soft yet deep tone was one you were sure you’d remember if you heard it before. “Uh, yeah, I’m kinda a little late.” Flicking your wrist, your watch falls forward, revealing the time and how you’re more than just a little late.

“Rough morning?” Turning your head back to him, you meekly nod before avoiding awkward eye contact. “Yeah, I didn’t sleep well I guess, but the CEO can be a dick so I’m in a rush.” As the elevator dings, people come stepping out as you try and maneuver yourself into the elevator. The guy who was trying to keep up small talk snickers to himself as he pinches the bridge of his nose. “Are you getting in or what?” Somewhat composing himself, he straightens his back and tugs down on the edge of his blazer. “Top floor, please.” As he steps in, you click on his floor as requested and the floor you work on. “So tell me, what about the CEO makes him such a dick?”

Closing your eyes to take in a deep breath, you weren’t feeling the best to keep feeding into his questions. “Look, I don’t wanna sound rude or anything, but I don’t know you and seeing how I’m already late, can you please just stop talking?” The look on his face isn’t one you can read easily and that somewhat makes you nervous. He almost looks displeased with your reaction, yet amused by how you shut down the conversation. The way he pushes his tongue into his cheek has you trying harder to pick apart what’s going on in his head. The ding of the elevator pulls you from your thoughts and you pull your eyes from his unreadable expression and forward as you’re back to rushing away through the office floor.

Your first stop is to Joy’s office, double checking with her to see if the CEO started his meeting yet or if you still had time to breathe before being ridiculed for everything you did. Joy was one of the top people who ran the social media aspect for the company. Between her and a couple of other people, they all made sure to handle the media that’s put out about the company, the social media accounts looked good and stayed coherent and most importantly, ran the website. Of course they had employees underneath them that helped them do their job best, but the new intern is surely giving her a run for her money.

A soft few knocks were delivered on her door before you peaked your head in to look around and make sure everyone had their clothes on still. She’s sitting at her desk, brows furrowed as she’s focused in on whatever she’s doing and the bun in her hair resting high despite a few strands that have fallen down onto her face. When you fully step in is when she looks up from the screen and an instant smile is spread across her face. “Look who decided to show up for work.” Rolling your eyes with a mirroring smile, you close the door behind you and walk around to one of the seats she has set up for when she needs leisure time over business. “Oh shut up, I damn near died coming into this building today and I don’t think I get paid enough to cover the funeral expenses.”

Pushing her chair back, she walks around from behind her and joins you in the chairs adjacent from where she was just sitting. “I’d cover the rest, of course, unless I’m too busy planning my wedding with Jaemin.” Snickering, you lean forward to slap her on the knee. “You’ve had him here for what, two weeks at best, and you’re already planning a wedding?” Laughing equally, if not harder than you, she leans back in the chair and merely shrugs with crossed arms. “Who knows, he visits me often and I can’t tell if he’s trying to suck up to me or if he’s really just that desperate for this job.” Tapping your chin, you look off at the wall where pictures of you two and a few other friends decorate her office. “Hmm, maybe both.” Gasping, she grabs a pillow from the seat beside her and flings it across to hit you on the chest.

“I can’t believe you said that, for that I hope the new CEO eats your ass alive.” Oh yeah, you forgot that’s why you came to her office in the beginning. “Speaking of new CEO, is the meeting starting yet or do I still have time to live?” As if the realization of the envelope left in your apartment was a wall made out of bricks, you’d be ultimately crushed and probably left with no chance of survival once it hit you that you left it behind. “Oh my gosh, I completely forgot the papers for today’s meeting.” Covering your face, you groan as loudly as the position you were in allowed. “I can’t save you on this one, that’s department crossing and I don’t feel like losing my job today.” With an apologetic smile, she reaches over and rubs your arm as you mentally prepare yourself for being chewed out later on.

A couple knocks on her door pulls you both from your shared moment over your downward spiral. “Miss Joy, Miss y/n, I was told to come let Miss y/n know that the meeting is to start soon and she’s needed.” Both you and Joy look over to the boy who merely peaked his head through the crack of the door. “Thank you Jaemin.” Her tone was overly sweet as she locks gazes with him before he leaves her sight. “Duty calls, I guess.” Groaning as you push yourself up and out of the chair, she does the same and waits for you to pass her before following behind you. “Good luck out there soldier, you’re gonna need it.” With a heavy sigh, you nod and open your arms to take her in for a hug. She steps in, pulling you against her to engulf you in her embrace. The soft hint of vanilla and cinnamon fill you nostrils as you rest your chin atop of her shoulder. “You’re going to do great.” She mumbles against your hair while rubbing you back with encouragement. Pulling back from the hug, both of your arms slide down one anothers till you’re holding each others hands.

Giving them a gentle squeeze, she gives you one final reassuring smile before you slip through the entrance of her door and make your way back to the elevators. “Miss Joy wanted me to give you this Miss y/n.” Jaemin, the intern your beloved friend has been eyeing since the moment he first stepped into this building for his interview, met you at the door with a cup in his hand that had your signature drink printed on the order sticker. “Thank you, Jaemin.” Smiling knowingly at him, you take the cup from his hand and enter the elevator with the worry that your fatal mistake from this morning will cost you your job. Now you might be wondering, what even is your job? Unlike Joy who has her own office and obviously gets paid more than you, you work for the CEO directly. In layman's terms, you’re his secretary. Everything he emails you, you do the dirty work of digging into and finding out everything and anything there is to know about it. Upcoming rivalry company? He’ll send you the name of their CEO and that alone is enough for you to dig into them and tell him if they are a threat or not along with other useful information he might need to know.

Usually, he’ll tell you if he wants something printed off or not and you’ll grab it and bring it into his office, seeing how your desk is right in front of it. It’s easy for some to confuse you with his assistant, that poor girl has it harder than you, and you’re almost glad that you aren’t in the position she’s in. That’s why you’re scared shitless due to the important paperwork you left behind at home, and I know what you’re thinking, why can’t you just print off the papers once you get to your desk? Well, your CEO thought it would be a good idea to send to your personal email instead of the work email you use on this computer in case of any suspicious activity that might’ve tried to arise while you weren’t here.

As you’re getting off the elevator, completely forgetting about the drink in your hand, you take rushed steps toward the door that lead to the room where almost every meeting is held. When pushing the door open, you do your best to stay as quiet as possible so that you can make you way to the back where the assistant usually stands. “Come on in, Miss y/n.” Scrunching your face up, you halt in your steps when CEO Suh recognizes your presence. “I’m so glad to have you join us.” Your heart is beating out of your chest, eyes scanning some of the familiar and non familiar faces in the seats at the table. When you recognize the guy from the elevator, you lock eyes with him and he can tell by the look on your face that he was the last person you expected to see here. “Forget something, Miss y/n?” Johnny’s voice snaps you out of the million questions you were asking yourself. “Uhm, yes, I’m sorry Mr. Suh, it seems that I forgot the papers you requested for today’s meeting.” Leaning against the table with his elbows propped up, Johnny is searching your face from across the room and its taking everything in you to not crumble to the ground.

“Good thing we still have the powerpoint slide.” He laughs as he leans back in the chair and turns toward the screen behind him as the other men around him join in on the laughter. The meeting starts and not shortly after, Johnny wraps it up with closing statements and a thick layer of his charm on a finishing note. “Thank you all for coming, please feel free to email me for any questions you may have.” Both you and the assistant stay put while Johnny shakes the hands of every man in the room on their way out. You didn't fail to notice the guy from the elevator watching your every move throughout the meeting and he didn’t seem to be shameful about it either. “Someone found their dinner I see.” The assistant snickered as she whispered it into you ear, making the heat of your body turn your cheeks into a light shade of pink as you roll your eyes and sip on your neglected drink in you hand. By the time everyone had cleared the room, both you and the assistant started to clean off the table and readjust the chair in preparation for the next meeting.

“Girls, walk with me please.” Johnny was usually playful when he wasn’t talking business, so for both of you to feel the firmness in his tone made you nervous. After making sure everything was back where it was supposed to be, the three of you exited the room and slowly made a round of the floor. “You know I love you both right?” With agreeing hums from the both of you, you started to get an uncomfortable feeling of where this conversation was headed. “Without the two of you, this company wouldn’t be where it is today. Not saying that the other department head’s don’t do a good job, because they do.”

“So what exactly are you saying, Mr. Suh?” You’re more relieved that his assistant had the guts to say it before you did, but also scared of the answer. “Seeing how the whole building has been buzzing about the news of the new CEO, I’m surprised you didn’t catch on yet.” Johnny led the two of you around the floor you worked on briefly before redirecting towards his office. “You’re seriously not leaving, are you?” The sigh that escaped his lips confirmed you worst thoughts. “Johnny, tell me this is a joke and you’re only doing this to get back at me for kinda calling you a dick this morning.”

“You called me a dick? When?”

“Not important right now, what’s important is if you’re leaving then why would you leave us with someone named Haechan?” Just as you and the assistant were about to protest and beg Johnny to reconsider leaving, Johnny pushes his office door open and to much surprise, the guy from earlier is sitting in his chair at the desk. “Ouch, that one is gonna leave a wound.” With his hand over his chest, he pats the spot over his heart when your eyes lock with his. “Speak of the devil—girls, meet your new boss Lee Haechan.”

You know that moment in cartoons where the characters have overly exaggerated eyes that look like they’re popping out of their heads and their mouths hang down to the floor to show overly shocked they are by the news and/or scene in front of you? That was exactly how both you and the assistant looked, except you eyes and mouths can’t exaggerate like that and the sheer embarrassment floods your cheeks to the point they are a crimson red. “Yeah, that wasn’t your finest moment, y/n.” Immediately covering your mouth to let out the gasp that threatened to escape, you take a moment to let everything settle before composing yourself in hopes to be salvaged for the events from this morning and just now. “She’s got a mouth on her, Johnny, she’s the one I told you about from the elevator ride.” Judging by the smile on Johnny’s face, you can tell he isn't too surprised by whatever events your new boss, Haechan, told him.

“Yeah, you get used to it pretty quickly, she’s one of the best in this entire company.” Silently, Haechan rakes his eyes up and down your body and if you were anyone else, that alone would’ve had you eating out the palm of his hand. “Are we just going to ignore the reason why you’re leaving us?” The assistant piped up, directing the attention off of you to which you were thankful for. “I’m getting old, I’m starting to want to settle down and maybe even vacation a little to enjoy my youthfulness before I turn into my father and I figured a young and talented guy like Haechan would fit perfectly.” Haechan got up from the desk, moving from behind and opted to stand next to Johnny who was leaning against the front of his desk.

Now that you’ve gotten a better look, more up close, you see why Joy said he was cute. He had a sun-kissed dew to his tan skin and the sharp features that adorn his jaw were one of the many eye catching things about him. Despite him being shorter than Johnny, he was still very tall in the way he carried himself and that helped him stand out in a room full of people. He also had a way of moving and controlling the environment of the room, his voice was too smooth for his own good and his gaze was intimidating, but his presence was relaxing. “I’m guessing you’re his assistant and the one who isn’t shy to holding back is his secretary?” Unsure as to where this could be leading, the both of you silently nod while he moves in closer. Have you ever thought about switching their positions?” Neither of you were sure who he was directing his question, opting to staying quiet while he circles the two of you. “In the beginning, y/n was my assistant, but when we got new hires, she asked to be put on as my secretary and it’s been that way since.”

Haechan was humming, tapping his lips as he walked around the two of you. It felt primal, almost as if he was looking for weak points within you both and choosing what he liked and what he wanted to pick apart. “Come first thing tomorrow morning, switch positions until avised otherwise.” Both you and the assistant gave each other a questioning look, similar to the look Johnny was giving Haechan, but no one rebutted and you both lowered your heads as you turned on your heels and made way for the exit. The rest of the day consisted of you sitting at your desk, doing you job for what felt like the last time till you took you lunch break. Sending off a text to Johnny that you were taking your hour for lunch, he rescinded back with a thumbs up and thanked you for the notice in advance. Usually, you would’ve gone in and told him face to face, but since Haechan was in there with him and he was trying to show him all that was left ot learn, not many people have been back and forth in the office today.

You opt on going down to the cafe located a few floors down to grab a premade lunch and head back up to Joy’s office to fill her in on the shitshow your life has been. As usual, you give her door a couple light knocks before peaking in, except this time she actually had company inside with her. The image of her body being pressed against Jaemin’s will forever be burned in you mind as you immediately shut the door. The sound alone caught both of their attentions and the two separated instantly. After a couple of minute pass, Jaemin comes out of her office with his shirt now buttoned up and the lipstick your beloved best friend is wearing stained his lips. To much surprise, he didn’t try too hard at removing it as he gave you an apologetic smile before disappearing around a corner. Turning to reattempt to enter the office, you find Joy leaning against the front of her desk with her hand over her mouth as you guess she tries to shake off the embarrassment. “Having fun or should I come back another time and let you continue?”

She immediately throws up the middle finger as you enter the office laughing, shutting the door behind you and going back over to the seat you occupied earlier. “Anything you’d like to share with the class?” Attempting to fix the hair that you can only assume Jaemin ruined, the blush on her face crept up from her neck. “He was just helping me with some files that needed to be rearranged.” Opening up the lunch you got from the cafe, your eyes flicker up to her as she wipes the smeared lipstick off her face before reapplying. “Seems to me he was trying to rearrange something else.” She laughs, leaning forward to pick off the bits of your lunch you put in the lid for her. “Enough about whether he was going to be doing some rearranging, tell me about the mysterious hot new CEO everyone is dropping their panties for.”

Taking a big bite in, you think of how you yourself would describe him without sounding like every other girl in the building. “Well, to start off he seems really arrogant, not that attractive if you ask me, but he has a sweet smile.” Silent, she simply smiles and waits for you to continue. “He also kind at looked me and Johnny’s assistant like we were steak on a plate and if you ask me, that would’ve been hot if he didn’t do it in such an animalistic way. Oh and the fact that he told us that we’re changing positions starting tomorrow was kinda douchey if you ask me. You let out a huff, shaking your head while recalling the morning’s events. “Sounds to me that you think hes hot.” As you’re finishing up on your lunch and are about near the end of your break, you get up to toss away the container. “That isn’t what I said, all I said was–”

“Yeah yeah, I heard what you said, but I don’t think you heard the way you put it.” Rolling your eyes for what felt like the millionth time, you gave her a quick side hug before making your way towards the door. “Whatever you say, I gotta go back though so I’ll call you tonight if you’re not too busy smooching faces with Jaemin.” Puckering up your lips and making kissing noises at her as she scrunches up her nose at you. “Make fun all you want, at least I’m getting some!” Throwing up a finger at her, she laughs as you slip out of her office unaware of your surroundings. Just as you’re turning around to walk forward, your body collides into something—rather someone—and you go stumbling back a little. As you’re bracing yourself to hit the ground, a pair of hands find their way to your waist and keep you from ultimately becoming friends with the floor.

With eyes screwed shut, you’re catching the breath that nearly escaped you and soothing your racing heart. As your eyes peek open, you’re way too embarrassed to see none other than Haechan standing in front of you. Well, he was actually holding you, but you’re trying not to focus on the placement of his hands. “In a rush again?” Fighting the urge to not look down at his lips, you’re convinced he can read minds when he darts his tongue out to wet them slowly. Clearing your throat, you immediately readjust yourself once you find the strength to stand on your own two feet. “I, uh, I’m just gonna go back to my desk.” Coming out in a rush, you practically mumble the words as you brush shoulders with Haechan on your way back. The rest of the day seemed to go fairly smooth and you didn’t see much of your new CEO on your way out.

Walking in the doors felt weird knowing nothing was going to be as it was, the way you were used to. You spent some time last night looking Haechan up and observing and taking notes about him to sort of prepare yourself for the day. You did some digging on his social media accounts, thanks to the help of Joy of course, and found his go to coffee order. You also found some of his favorite snacks and a couple drinks he had up on his instagram. Planning to have all of this on his desk by the time he came in, you were sure to make somewhat of a better impression on him than you did the day before. This early in the morning, the office is usually pretty empty–so empty that not even Joy would be caught in her office until about another hour or so. As you’re passing by your now old desk, you can’t help but to frown at the lack of life that is on it. You took the picture you had of Johnny, Joy and yourself from a christmas party a couple years back and put in your room instead to give it the same joy that you had looking at it while you work. Knowing that Johnny’s old assistant will now fill it with whatever her heart desires gives you some form of serotonin.

Pushing the doors open to the office, you’re more than surprised to see Haechan sitting in the chair with his hands glued to his keyboard. “Good morning Mr. Lee.” Your unexpected presence catches Haechan off guard, making him jump a little in his seat when he turns his head toward your direction. “Oh shit–jesus christ y/n.” Seeing him caught off guard brings a little smile to your lips as you lower your head a little to show you’re sorry. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you, I just brought you some stuff.” His attention lingers a little too long on your choice of outfit for the day and judging by the way he’s eyeing you, you start to think there’s something lingering behind his gaze. Moving his attention to the bag in your hand as you approach him, a smile begins to form along his lips.

“Here is a coffee, some snacks I picked up on the way in and a few extra drinks for in case you get thirsty and might be craving one of these.” When you place the bag down on the desk, along with the cup, you take a couple steps back and silently await for what he wants you to do next. Haechan opens the bag, looking inside as the smile on his lips edges further and further towards a grin. “Let me ask you this, Miss y/n, why did you do all of this?” The question caught you off guard, blinking a bit while trying to determine the tone of his voice when he asked. With elbows propped up on the desk, he looks at you expectantly while you internally short circuit. “I’m sorry?”

“Did you take time out of your morning just to go out and get me things I like because you found it within you to be this nice or did you have other intentions with your gifts.” The chair is pushed back when he stands up from behind the desk, walking around to make his way toward you. “I, uh, just wanted to make a good impression on you.” The sentence almost died in you throat when Haechan got close enough to hear you elevated breathing. “So if that was because you simply wanted to make a good impression, what’s this all about, hm?” Motioning his finger to the somewhat sheer shirt you chose to wear, your face immediately burns with embarrassment while you avoid meeting his gaze. “Seems to me that you’re making more of a good impression on me, Miss y/n, some might even say you’re leaving an imprint on me.” Circling around you, Haechan stops once he was standing behind you. “Do you always come off this strong to you assistants or am I special like the other girls, Mr. Lee?” You can’t see the smirk on his face, but you can almost feel it when his hands find their way onto your hips. “Dunno, never had the chance to have such a beautiful assistant like you before.” Scoffing, you turn around to face him and one thing you didn’t fail to miss was the way the dent in the front of his slacks brushed against you. “And give me one reason why I can’t walk out of this room right now and report you to corporate.” There was almost a sickening smile on his face that made your stomach do cartwheels. “Do it baby, the door is right there if you want to leave so bad.” You were now silent, contemplating on if you leave and try to pretend that none of this happened or if you’re really going to give into your human nature and take this relationship with your newly announced CEO on your first day being his assistant.

Just as you’re about to lean in and capture his lips with your own, a knock at the takes you both away from your thoughts. Haechan let out a heavy sigh as he turned around, holding his hands near his bulge in order to draw attention away from it if needed. You step around him, going to answer the office door. One of the team directors from a couple floors down is standing on the other side, a stack of papers in his hand as he greets you. “Good morning Miss y/n.” Nodding, you step aside and let him in. “Good morning, Mr. Lee if you need me, please let me know.” Simply nodding, you turn to walk away and you’re sure the flushed cheeks that adorn your face right now are a dead give away to what was about to ensue behind those closed doors.

During the rest of the day, you expect a little of what you got this morning and to much surprise, you got the opposite. Well, not quite opposite, but Haechan didn’t come off as direct as he did hours before. Instead, he would send you looks from across the room and if you’re honest, each look he gave you shot straight down to your core. You’re not sure why you got so hot and bothered so quickly over him, but even the slightest touch would send chills down you body. Joy told you that you’re so reactive because you hadn’t gotten laid in a while and while she isn’t wrong, you find it hard to believe that a little lack of sex in your life has you melting in the hands of a man you hardly know.

It all sounds about right, right? Wrong, oh boy you were so wrong about being sure that you were more than just attracted to him and that was why you were damn near seconds away from dropping your panties for him each time he purposely pushed up against your ass. You had hoped that maybe with time things would get easier, that maybe with the help from the toys you have back at your apartment that the tension would simmer some between the two of you, but as the weeks went on, it only seemed to get worse. There would be lingering touches between the two of you when only you were in his office, you’d catch him staring at your lips more often than not and sometimes you’d even amplify the things between you by purposely wearing something you thought he’d like in hopes to get a reaction out of him. You’re starting to think it’s worked.

Now, there isn’t anything written down saying that an assistant’s job is only defined within the hours of work because technically, the company runs all day throughout the week. So no, there isn’t anywhere in any book that says that your boss, the one who’s been trying so hard to get in your pants, shouldn’t be messaging you on your off day asking for you to bring him his lunch. In his defense, he says he’s stuck in a virtual meeting and forgot to get something made before it started. Joy finds it to be full of bullshit and advises you to wear your finest set of lingerie, but you assure her nothing is going to happen and the little packages she shoved in your purse was unnecessary.

When you left the shop he so desperately wanted this specific sandwich from, you’d be lying if you said the butterflies weren’t bounding around in your stomach bad up into your ribs. The closer the GPS said that you were to his house, the worse they got and you were starting to feel a little nauseous. When you pull into his driveway, you’re mostly shocked to see that his house wasn’t at all what you expected it to be. Seeing how he’s already a CEO of a pretty popular company before the age of thirty, you expected a more lavish lifestyle, but it’s almost refreshing seeing his house as if it was one next door to your own childhood home. Pulling in behind, what you can only assume is his vehicle, you put the car in park and grab the bag and head up towards his front door.

Before knocking on the door, you repeatedly remind yourself that you’re only here to give him his lunch and nothing more. The last thing you need to do is fall into his smooth talking trap and end up coming in and not leaving when you’re supposed to or at least that’s what you’re telling yourself. Deciding on what’s worse in your head as far as the possible sequence of events, you push everything in your mind aside and knock on his door a couple times. You’re waiting for what seems like forever for him to answer, fiddling with the bag in your hand when he opens the door with a somewhat surprised look on his face. “Hey.” He breathes out his greeting as he steps aside and you take a quick step in. “Sorry for the mess, I’ve been arguing with the same people for the last couple of hours and I almost forgot you were coming over.”

Taking in the interior of his house, a smile falls upon your lips. It’s a very welcoming and calm atmosphere, small pictures of him and who you’re assuming his friends hanging up on the walls. The more you look, the more you find a piece of him in each decoration that hung like trophies on the wall. As you started to walk around, the sound of Haechan walking away caught your attention as his silhouette disappeared down the hallway. Cautiously, you follow behind him as he goes into what you assumed was his home office. Turning the corner, Haechan pulls out the chair and plops back into it before scooting back up to the desk and starts to type away on his keyboard. The room was quite empty compared to the living room. There wasn’t anything hanging up on the walls and you kind of expected more furniture for seating, but there was just a desk and a chair and a mini fridge sitting beside the desk. Maybe the mini trash can if you’re counting it, really.

“Are you just gonna stand there or can I have my sandwich now?” You must’ve been lost in your own thoughts and the moment it takes for his words to register in your head shows it. “Oh, uh, yeah.” Mumbling, you walk over to his desk and place the bag down beside him. You’re partly curious as to what he’s working on, but trying to not be nosy was a push and pull battle in your mind. “Is that the spreadsheet for our new upcoming project?” When Haechan turns his head toward you, there’s an unexpected smile on his lips that you quite can’t get enough of if we’re being honest. “I see someone’s been paying attention to the meetings.” Rolling your eyes in response, you lean down a little to get a better view. “Are you really expecting that much of a sales increase when it launches?” The question was more of a good thing than bad, but it seems the entire question went over his head as he zones in on your closeness. “You smell really good.”

You’re trying not to focus on the fact that his face is inches from yours or the fact that he’s leaning in and practically sniffing your exposed skin. Maybe let’s not focus on the fact that the proximity of his lips from yours is flooding your mind with thoughts that have your heart racing. “That’s not the answer to my question, hyuck.” The nickname slipped out from your lips too quickly for you to catch and you’re almost embarrassed how closely you pay attention to him. For Haechan, he can practically hear his heart beating in his chest from the slip up that you didn’t intend to happen and it adds the cherry on top of his pride in knowing that you paid as much attention as he did to you. “I’ve got a better question.” When his fingers brush against your cheek, you can feel the heat radiating from your face as contrast to his cold fingers. “How bad do you want to kiss me right now, because I already know my answer and I just need the green to make both our dreams come true right now.”

With parted lips, you take in a deep breath of air to prepare you for what’s next to come. His eyes that were usually a beautiful amber color seemed to have darkened with a lustful glaze to them and the look he’s giving you right now alone is enough to cause the fabric of your panties to start feeling slick. “Never met a man who said he’d make my dreams come true in such a short time.” Reaching out, his hands find their way onto your hips and his fingers immediately start to dip into your skin while he pulls you onto his lap. There’s a deep chuckle that emits from his chest, the sound sends a shiver down your spine. “Baby, give me the chance and I’ll have you seeing the stars in some of your best dreams.” The chair isn’t the most spacious and Haechan seems to notice as you struggle to make yourself comfortable on his lap. Moving his hands further down your hips and down the curve of your backside, he settles them underneath your thighs and gives them a firm squeeze before hoisting you up with a yelp earned from you.

“Only some?” The playfulness in your tone was enough for him to know that you were good to go, but he wasn’t going to let you have what you wanted so easily. With your arms wrapped around his neck, your fingers toying with the bottom strands of his hair. He was quick to bring you to his room, setting you down on the edge of his bed for you to unwrap your limbs from around him. His hands migrated from the slightly exposed skin on your hips to your chin, pulling you in for the kiss you both had been waiting for. Just as you’re expecting to be met with his lips, you’re left wondering why nothing has happened and when you open his eyes, the shit eating grin on his face almost makes you wanna wipe it off. “Are you gonna kiss me or am I going to have to kiss myself?”

“Depends on how badly you want to be kissed.” Barely an inch away, he was so close that his breath was fanning into your lashes. “You suck, I hope you know that.” Somehow his lips curl even further and you were feeling tempted to salvage your dignity before he prolonged it any longer. “I bet you’d look pretty sucking on something else.” Reaching up to grab the collar of his shirt, you pull him in and your lips crash against one another. Haechan doesn’t fight it, instead he gives into it and leans forward with one hand moving to curve of your back. His lips are just as soft as you expected and the honey flavored chapstick he keeps on his desk is peaking through as he pushes his tongue in for permission to explore your mouth. Without much thought, your lips spread to welcome the sudden movement and the warmth it sends down your body has your brain becoming mush.

He doesn’t fight for much control of the kiss, instead he uses his time to slowly undress you in between the kisses that started out soft and slowly started to get rougher. Once he got you stripped down to just your bra and panties, he broke the kiss to lean back and admire you. To him, you were the most beautiful girl he’d ever seen and the sheer thought of getting so close to making you his was not only affecting his lower and neglected region, but a part of his heart that he found only beats for you. Under his lustful gaze, you were starting to feel shy and pull at the blanket in hopes to cover up. Haechan almost immediately pushes your hand away, a soft look on his face. “Don’t hide from me baby, I wanna see all of you.” Kneeling down, Haechan’s hands slide underneath your thighs and wrap around to grab onto your hips. He pulls you down to the edge of the bed, eyeing the darkened spot that you seemed too shy about.

“Are you sure you want this?” Nodding, you do your what to avoid looking down at him. His head was inching up between your thighs, leaving opened kisses on your skin. “Words baby, I want to hear you.” Taking in a breath of air, you make the fatal mistake of looking down while his fingers hook underneath the band of your underwear. Slowly pulling them down, you lift your hips up with a little wiggle to help him move them down your leg till they hit the floor with a soft thud. “I want this, hyuck.” You’re expecting him to make you beg for it, something about him feels like he’s the type to tease you and you know for a fact that he’s contemplating it. With a sly grin on his lips, he yanks your hips closer to him, spreading your legs apart to get the best view of the wetness slicking down your hole.

“Be glad I’m impatient tonight.” Before you get the chance to respond, the feeling of his tongue took all the breath left you had in your lungs. Moving the muscle in a slow and patterned motion, he focuses on the spot he knows that’ll get you to where he wants you and moves one of his hands to your entrance. His view of you had him bucking his hips against the edge of the bed, the taste alone was starting to become an addiction for him and he couldn’t get enough. “You taste so fucking good.” He mumbles against your clit, slipping a finger into which earned a satisfied moan from your end. You’re sprawled out on the bed, gripping the blanket beneath you for some leverage to remind you you’re still on earth. With his tongue dipping down to lap at your flowing juices, the moans of his name roll off your tongue. “F-fuck hyuck, I’m c-close.” You’re almost ashamed at how quickly he’s gotten you to coming, but he doesn’t let up any. Instead, he replaces his finger with his tongue and presses two digits against your almost sensitive clit.

“H-hyuck s-stop, I-I’m gonna cum.” Haechan doesn’t respond, instead he dips his tongue into your clenching hole while his fingers work circles onto your clit. Your moans are starting to get higher in pitch and Haechan can tell by the way you’re tightening around his tongue that your orgasm wasn’t far behind. He’s groaning into your pussy, using his hand on your hip to pull you even further against his mouth. You’re starting to feel like you’re going to explode, the tightening feeling in your stomach getting stronger each time he flicks his fingers on your clit. With a high pitched moan, you finally release against his tongue and Haechan is drinking it up. “H-hyuck, sensitive.” He likes the way you whine his name, it sounds so pretty coming from you, especially when he has you coming the way he did. He decided to be generous and slow his movements on your clit till eventually his hand stopped, despite your protest and pushing of his hand.

When he comes up from between your legs, the glistening on his chin and mouth has you clenching around nothing. “Do you want to stop?” Despite the fact that he just ate you out like he was a starved man and you were his only source of food and water, the softened look on his face has not only your stomach, but your heart doing flips. “No, I want you, I want you hyuck.” He smiles, pulling his shirt up and tossing it aside to deal with later. He then starts to discard his pants, watching as you eye the bulge in briefs. “Like what you see?” You’re tempted to throw up a finger and tell him to fuck off, but the sight of him pulling his throbbing member out for release has your mouth watering. Not once in your life would you ever think you’d be salivating over a dick, but his was just too perfect not to admire. His length wasn’t too long to where you’d have to be hospitalized, but just long enough to make you feel like you’ll see the galaxy. His girth, let’s not even talk about how thick he is.

“Eyes up here, baby.” His voice snaps you out of your thoughts, looking up to meet his eyes. He starts to crawl onto the bed and over you, moving his hand between your legs and cupping your pussy to gather some of the wetness to spread along his tip. “Tell me if I need to stop.” Nodding, you’re too focused on him aligning himself up with your entrance. Haechan cupped your chin, moving your head up to meet his eyes. “I mean it y/n, tell me if I need to stop.” A soft smile spreads across your lips as you wrap your arms around his neck and pull him down into a kiss. You’re expecting it to be rough and sloppy, somewhat similar to the kiss you shared in the room over, but instead it was gentle and full of emotions the two of you didn’t know you were starting to harbor. Haechan’s hips slowly lowered, moving his hand away from his member to allow himself to slip into your warmth. You’re moaning into the kiss as he fills you up, inch by inch creating a beautiful stretch and the pain started to mix with the pleasure and you were in heaven.

Pulling back from the kiss, he nuzzles his head into your shoulder as he pulls back before thrusting forward. “Fuck, you’re so fucking tight.” He starts to thrust in you in a rhythm, making your body bounce up when his hips snap against yours. “H-hyuck.” Haechan feels too close to finishing and slows down his pace while one hand hooks underneath your leg and holds it against his shoulder and chest to get a better angle. The new position has him hitting you in all the right spots when his hips snap forward and his name is rolling off your tongue incoherently as you feel your thoughts slipping further and further away. “Look at you, so fuck—fucking tight, you’re squeezing my cock so hard you just want me to cum.” The lewd words coming from him without shame made your walls clench around him even harder, too lost in the feeling of him filling you up to respond.

The sight in front of him was one he wanted to see all the time, your breasts bouncing each time he slammed his hips into yours and the look on your face was just too perfect for him to never see again. The free hand he had found it’s way onto your clit, tracing circles with his fingers as his pace started to quicken. You could tell he was close and the wave of your second orgasm was coming in quicker than you were expecting. “Come with me baby, I wanna fuck you full of of our cum.” Haechan could’ve swore you were the love of his life when you gripped his arms and pulled him down into another kiss. Your lips melted against his while you mumble against them that you were close and before you could tell him clearly, you released all over his member. The fluttering of your walls was sending Haechan into a frenzy when his hips started to move sloppily before stilling them while he pumped his load into you. Softly whimpering, you continue the kiss and much to your surprise, Haechan doesn’t pull away.

You wrap your arms around his neck, rubbing the upper half of his back as the two of you kiss until you’re about to run out of breath. He’s the first to pull back, much to his own internal protest, and when he opens his eyes, he’s smiling from ear to ear at the fucked out look you were sporting beneath him. Although you weren’t wreaking any makeup, the sweat glistening on your skin made you shine with the sunset coming through the blinds. “You okay?” A soft nod soothes all his worries of potential hurting or even scaring you away. Leaving a soft kiss onto your hairline, he slowly pulls his hips from yours and his softening member slips from within you leaving you feeling empty. He leans back on his knees, watching the mix of his and yours cum leaking out between your legs. “Stop staring, it’s making me feel weird.” A little laugh escapes his lips while you attempt to cover your face from embarrassment.

He’s tempted, boy is he tempted, to lean down and lick your hole clean till every bit of cum is gone and you’re left squirming and crying on his tongue all over again—but he’s not going to overstimulate you, just yet, and gets off the bed instead. You watch him get up and make his way into the bathroom, sitting up on your elbows as you watch him start the shower. Silently, Haechan comes back into the room and walks over to the bed on the side to which you’re more accessible. Hooking his arms underneath you, he pulls you close to his chest and carries you into the bathroom where you two take a well needed and very hot shower. You don’t say much to each other, taking the shirt he offered you from his closet and staying in his arms when he asked you to join him on the couch to watch movies.

When you left the next morning, you didn’t expect this to become any sort of routine. You went to work the following Monday and went about your business as usual. Of course you had to fill Joy in and she wasn’t all too surprised, but she understood why you ditched her that Saturday night and didn’t answer your phone till the following afternoon. Nothing was supposed to change between you, you were supposed to stay professional and be his assistant and respect the boundaries that shouldn’t have been crossed once before—but you don’t exactly remember when it all started to fall apart either.

One day, you’re bringing him his paperwork he asked for and the lunch he wanted and the next, you’re sucking his dick under his desk while he takes calls from over seas. That’s not even the worst part of it all, between being bent over his desk in the middle of the busiest part of the day, you found yourself in his bed—not only on weekends, but weekdays too. That in itself was a problem and you didn’t want to address it, but when you found yourself sleeping over so much that you didn’t have to worry about clothes for work the next morning because he already had clothes you left before hanging in his closet—yeah you really needed to pull yourself together.

Joy started to notice your change in behavior, the way you were more smiley and always busy with either doing things for Haechan or being the thing he’s doing at the moment. She made a couple comments here and there, telling you you’re biting off more than you can chew and you brush her off because there was no way that you were getting ahead of yourself, but everyone around you who looked a little longer at the way you two interact, they’d see there was more going on between the both of you.

Things in the office have been pretty tame recently, no one is doing anything alarming and everything seems to be running smoothly, just like the hand going down Haechan’s arm from the substitute secretary—a little too smooth. The girl you switched jobs with is off on her honeymoon for a week and since her job is important, Haechan brought in one of the more experienced interns a couple floors down. You offered to take over the position, but he argued that he needs you by him at all times and you think that was only for him to get his dick wet whenever he had you alone. Lately, you two haven’t been on top of one another as you’re used to and you have her to blame.

“Sounds like you’re jealous.” With one brow raised, Joy is leaning against her desk with her arms folded across her chest. Jaemin is sitting at one of the chairs you used to occupy when you had more free time to barge into her office. “She’s got a point.” Shooting him a look, he instantly raises his hands up and silently admits defeat and decides to stay quiet. “I’m not jealous, it’s just—it’s just so aggravating because I can’t do my job if she’s always barging in and asking the same damn questions, only worded differently.” She snickers, pinching the bridge of her nose while you huff. “What’s so funny? I don’t remember this being a joke.”

“Just say you’re jealous baby, if you come to terms that you may actually have feelings—“

“Uh uh, nope, not going down this road again, I don’t have feelings for him.” She didn’t seem like she was buying your argument and you didn’t feel like having to come to terms that maybe you actually did and the little bit of jealousy that sank into the bottom of your stomach when they got too close was due to your neglected emotions for him. “I’m just saying, if you weren’t so crazy for his dick then maybe you’d see that you really like him.” Letting out a loud groan, you push yourself up from the chair you were sitting in and headed towards her door. “I gotta get back before he starts ringing me up to find me.” She nods, blowing you a kiss to which you pretend to grab. “Be safe out there, soldier.” You salute her while turning the knob and opening the door. Stepping out of her office and letting the door shut on its own behind you, you make your way through her floor and back up to Haechan’s office.

The door was cracked, so you could see figures moving around inside, but when you actually stepped inside, the sight before you made you feel nauseous. Haechan was sitting in the chair he usually sat in in front of his computer, but his lap was being occupied by the fucking secretary. Her hands were everywhere and anywhere on his upper body and his hands just so happened to be conveniently placed just above the curve of her ass. Of course when the door opened, the commotion caught their attention and the two started to separate. Haechan was expecting Johnny to come in, seeing how he said he was gonna pay a visit today, but when he saw you standing in the doorway with wide eyes and a sadden expression, he couldn’t stop the guilt from washing over him.

“Sorry, I’ll come back later.” Practically mumbling the words, you pull the door shut behind you and move as fast as you can to the nearest elevator to escape having to face him right now. You’re hurt, rightfully so seeing how you’ve only been sleeping with him and thought he was doing the same, but the more you start to replay the imagine in your head, the more you realize how dumb you look. Unbeknownst to you, Haechan was trying to find you without making it known to the girl that was just grinding away on his lap that he was sleeping with you. By the time that he got her off his lap and made up some half assed excuse as to why he needed to get out the office, you were nowhere to be seen. He did what he thought would work and that was by going down to Joy’s office to find you.

Knowing that he’d probably stop there first, you skip going to her and instead hit the cafe down in the back of the building. You’re trying to hide out, in case he comes down, but when you spot Johnny making conversation with one of his favorite baristas, you immediately make way for him. “What are you doing here, stranger?” Hearing your voice, Johnny instantly turns his head towards you with a smile on his face. “My favorite secretary turned assistant.” The two of you get a coffee and you get lunch before moving to a table of your choosing and sitting down to catch up. You explain to him why you chose the least obvious table in the area and when you fill him in on your special activities with Haechan, he doesn’t seem surprised. “I’m honestly glad it’s happening, I was rooting for you two since y’all made that weird tension eye contact.”

“Yeah, well there’s nothing to root for since I just caught him feeling up on his secretary.” With a pout, you fiddle with the rest of the food in front of you and Johnny gets a sense of the reason why you’re so affected. “Hey, at least you know now instead of later, saves you the trouble, right?” Looking up to meet his eyes, you nod. He wasn’t wrong, at least now you know that he might be or could have already had a thing going on between the two of them—but it doesn’t save you from the pain you feel in your chest that drops down to your stomach when you think about it. “Hey, I know this is kinda late, but he’s coming in hot from three o’clock.” Without a second to brace yourself or even try to find a way out of the situation you’re about to be in, Haechan comes running up to the table and he’s clearly out of breath.

There’s a slight dew on his face and the hair fallen over his forehead is partly stuck. “I’ve been looking for you.” You’re surprised he got the sentence out while he tries to catch his breath. “Uh, here I am.” Johnny can see the tension between the two of you and you’re ever so thankful he decides to step in. “Not you, y/n, he obviously meant me because he knew I was coming today and you’re on your lunch break.” Johnny gives you a look with his eyes and you nod slightly while trying to get up from your seat. “Wait, no, but yes, I was looking for you too, but y/n, can you come with me for a moment?”

“Uh, sure, but can we make it quick so I can finish my break?” He doesn’t respond nor does he acknowledge Johnny again before grabbing onto your wrist and guiding you to the bathroom area of the cafe. Once you got close, Haechan pulled you off to a corner and moved you to where your back was almost against the wall. “Where did you, wait let me rephrase that, why did you run off earlier?” You’re confused, why did it matter to him that you ran off and more importantly, why did he try so hard to find you just to ask you that. “I saw you were busy, so I left and took my break while I was at it.” He doesn’t buy it, you can tell by the expression on his face that he didn’t buy any of what you were saying. “That’s bullshit y/n, you know that I know that so just be honest with me.”

You didn’t like the position you were in, your back was quite literally against the wall and your heart was on your sleeve, but you covered it to keep it safe. “I don’t see why this is a big deal so if you’re done interrogating me, you have a meeting in an hour and I can’t get it set up until I finish my lunch.” You can see the frustration on his face, his brows furrowed as he looked down into your unbothered gaze. With a shaking of his head, he backed away from you and made his way back through the cafe to grab Johnny. Staying in the corner, you took a moment to yourself to collect your thoughts till you peaked around to make sure they were both gone. When the coast was clear, you immediately made your way back up to Joy’s office and she seemed to be ready for you when you walked.

The rest of the week went on and much didn’t change, you were giving Haechan the cold shoulder and he didn’t seem to want to push you to stay around him any longer than you wanted. The substitute secretary seemed to be spending more time in his office than you were and you didn’t dare to go in while the two of them were alone inside. Instead, you would move down a couple floors and spend your lunch hiding away in Joy’s floor talking amongst the media workers in hopes that they would take your mind off of Haechan. For the most part, they provided a good distraction and even Mark helped you by letting you talk out how you feel and giving you a perspective from a guy. Much to your surprise actually, you and Mark got somewhat close and when Joy was being whisked away by Jaemin, you sat around Mark’s desk area for you both to keep each other company.

After the week was finished and the following came through, you expected some things to go back to normal now that the regular secretary was back, but much to your disappointment, the girl from floors down kept coming up for some dumb reason to get her hands around Haechan and the fact that he seemed to be enjoying it made you feel sick. You were doing your best ignoring the two of them and just keeping your nose in your own business when you had to be around him when she was there, but you couldn’t stop the longing feeling from telling you that it should be you he has his hands wrapped around and it should be you that he makes stupid jokes to when he finds he needs a distraction. This continues for the rest of the week and you still haven’t had much of a conversation with Haechan until the weekend comes and you’re sitting in your car with Mark after you two just left lunch.

“I can’t believe you’ve never had food like that before.” Mark wasn’t the best cook, to which you found out by him nearby burning down your kitchen, so when you suggested getting brunch instead the two of you immediately got on the road. “Listen, I’m a breakfast guy, but I’m not like a midday breakfast guy, you know?” Mark takes the aux, putting on a song you weren’t entirely familiar with. “What is this, is this why you still don’t get bitches?” Laughing, he’s almost more shocked that you don’t know the song playing over the fact that you basically said he has no game. “You’re telling me that you’ve never heard this song before?” Shrugging, you start the car and check your mirrors before pulling out the parked space. “Our music taste is clearly different.”

“I guess you got a point, oh hey, you got a text.” Picking up your phone, he brings it close to you for you to unlock it and see if it was actually important or not. “It’s Haechan, he wants me to come by to get some papers before Monday.” You can tell Mark is confused as to why you’re needed over the weekend, but he also knows that maybe this would be the chance of you two finally talking this out and everything going back to a somewhat normal. Seeing how you were on the way to your house, you had to reroute and Mark was fine with tagging along for the drive. He secretly just wanted to see what kind of place Haechan lived in and you don’t blame him because you too were curious when you first went to his house. It didn’t take you long to get there, pulling in and putting the car in park before unbuckling your seatbelt. “I won’t be long, I promise.”

Nodding, he throws up two thumbs and wordlessly wishes you good luck, to which you’re thankful for. You make your way up to his front door, knocking a couple times and wait only to end up with no answer. Just as you’re about to walk back to your car, the door swings open and Haechan is standing there while trying to catch his breath. You immediately see his shirt has been stretched out, almost as if it’s been pulled on and his shorts are loosely hugging his waist. “Y/n, I didn’t—I didn’t know you’d be here this quick.” You’re speechless, not knowing what to say or what to even think about until you see someone scrambling around in the back and low and behold, the same girl from the office comes rushing out. She doesn’t say much, only mumbling a sorry as she pushes past both you and Haechan to make her way down to the car she parked a bit further down.

“Sorry, I didn't mean to cut your company time short.” You’re about to pivot around and go back to your car to let out a well needed cry, but Haechan has had enough and he grabs your wrist to keep you from running off. “Hold the fuck on, what is that supposed to mean?” You scoff, hating how oblivious he is to what has been running through your mind. You hate how oblivious he has been to how you’ve been acting and why you’re acting this way. You hate how badly it hurts to see him with her, with anyone else that isn’t you and you hate yourself for thinking of what could’ve been going on between them. “Just give me the damn papers and let me go on my way, I hate people waiting for me.”

“Oh you mean that guy in your car? Guess you wasted no time hopping from me to him.” Walking off after letting go of his hold on your wrist, he stomps off towards his back office and you follow behind. “Are you fucking kidding me right now, I’m the one hopping around when you’ve been fucking some girl who worked with you for what, a week?” Haechan snatched up papers off his desk, walking out the room with frustration in his eyes. “Why does it even matter who I’m with or not, you’re not my girlfriend and we aren’t a thing.” Each word felt like a punch in the gut, the painful realization that all the little touches and each time he offered you to wear his shirt was because he was being nice, not because he had underlying feelings the same way you did. “I wasn’t even fucking her, she was trying to fuck me and I was trying to be respectful and keep her off my fucking lap, but you wouldn’t know that because you weren’t even around half the time.”

“You’re right, I wasn’t around because seeing her hands on you and knowing that no matter how I felt about it would’ve changed anything.” Everything in his mind started to click and by watching the way you were shutting him out right in front of him was enough for him to realize you wanted more than what you two had going on. “Y/n, can we just—“

“Just give me the papers so I can take Mark home, the guy I’m not fucking by the way.” He was hesitant, holding out his hand for you to take them in hopes that you’d change your mind and stay. There was so much that wasn’t talked about and so much that needed to be said and the last thing he wanted was for you to walk away. Instead, you grabbed the papers from his hand and walked out of the house without another word coming from you. Mark could tell you were upset and judging by the way you were fighting back your tears, he didn’t say anything and for the rest of the car ride, it was silent.

Since you last saw Haechan at his house, over a month had passed and so much changed from that day forward. The following week, you got an email saying that you’d be returning back to your original position and part of you hated yourself for letting all of this happen the way it did. Many nights Joy spent time in your apartment with you, holding you on the couch while you cried yourself to sleep night after night. When she wasn’t able to comfort you, she either sent Jaemin and his friend Jeno to keep you company or she asked Mark to sit with you till she had the time to come back over. She even went as far as asking your neighbor Renjun to check on you periodically and he wasn’t opposed to the request, just a little bit concerned. That same first week you went back to being the secretary, Haechan sent you an email at the end of the week stating he’d be going out of town. You were sad over the thought of him not being here, even if he only passed by you a couple times a day unless you went in to give him paperwork.

Johnny came in to sit in for Haechan when meetings were happening, not budging when you asked him where he might be. He always said something along the lines of, “I don’t know what he’s doing, but where he’s at is where he needs to be.” That went on for weeks on end and the love you had for your job slowly started to fade. After another half month had passed, you started to feel like coming into work was more of a chore and less of a joy and that was when you decided to put your final notice in. Johnny didn’t want to accept it when you presented it to him, but he knew that after the shit storm you had been through, maybe this would be best for you. The few floors you had worked on before threw you a party the week before your last considering as you didn’t plan on coming that last week and everyone gave you the best farewell hug as the party started to die down. You’re going to be sad, deeply sad to leave the job you worked so hard for to get where you were, but you were just hoping that it would be the right decision.

That’s what keeps you up at night, the thoughts of this either going south and you feeling even more lost and out of place or if this will be the beginning of a new chapter of your life and maybe you’ll finally find peace. The sound of rain crashing down against your windows was in a way washing away your thoughts for you to revisit in the morning and you’re just about to doze off until you hear a banging on your door. At first, you think it’s the thunder outside and choose to close your eyes and try to go to sleep. You hear another banging and by now you’re convinced it’s urgent. Getting up from your bed, you walk through your apartment and out to your door.

When you get closer to the door, you see Renjun’s jacket laying across the arm or your couch and figure it’s him at the door waiting for his return. Twisting the knob, you pull the door open and you’re almost shocked—actually no, you are definitely shocked to see Haechan standing in front of you. Soaked from head to toe, the jacket he is wearing did him no justice to protect him from the cold weather that is still coming down hard just a couple feet away. “Hyuck, what are you—weren’t you just, actually what the hell is wrong with you?” Shivering, he goes to speak, but the lightning striking in the background is too loud for him to get decent words out. You reach out, pulling him into your apartment and shut the door behind him.

You rush down to get towels for him to dry off and it doesn’t do much work for either of you, so you opt for him to take a shower and pull out some of the clothes you had from his house for him to wear. While he was still showering, you made a hot cup of tea and set it on the coffee table for him when he got out. With a towel draping over his head, he comes out and immediately heads to the living room where he saw you pass. You’re sitting on the couch, fiddling with the remote to put something on for background noise when he plops down beside you and reaches out for the cup. Much to his delight, you made it just the way he likes and he silently thanks you for that. Once you find something decent to put on, you set the remote down and let him settle a little while sipping on his cup.

“Hyuck, what are you doing here and why were you soaking wet?” Haechan is thankful you’re the first one to break the ice, sitting up to set his cup down before leaning back into the couch and turning to face you. “I got back into town and Johnny told me you were leaving, I know it’s late and I didn’t know what to do to stop you or even where to find you, so I looked up your employee file and immediately made my way to you.” You stay silent, knowing there is more he wants to get out, but just has to find the right way to say it. “I didn’t mean to leave after we last talked, I didn’t want to leave things like that, but my mom needed me and I immediately went home to help and I was gone and I didn’t have time to focus on anything, but please believe me when I say all I could think about was you.” It shouldn’t have made you feel all warm inside, but it did. Knowing that he was gone and how badly you needed him here and him needing you there made all the butterflies in your stomach start to flutter. “Please, say something.”

“I really like you, regardless of how bad I wanted to hate you for being the biggest dick ever, I just couldn’t get over you and when you were gone, I really didn’t know what to do anymore.” Haechan was smiling from ear to ear, trying to hide the redness of his cheeks as you heard you clearly confess your feelings for him. “How about I make you a proposition?” Honestly, you’re a little intrigued when he reaches out and grabs your hands. Pulling you towards him, you have no choice but to move with him and climb into his lap. “How about you be my girlfriend and don’t quit.” Interlocking your hands with his, he rubs his thumb over yours and it brings the biggest smile to your lips. “And what’s in it for me?” Humming, he takes the moment to think about what he already knows he is going to offer. His lips form a pout and you swear in that moment he never looked more kissable than now. “How about, I got you and you got me.” Leaning in, you press your lips against his in a soft peck. “Deal.”

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redhairedwolfwitch · 1 year

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Away From Her Goalie - Clàudia Pina x Reader

A/n: next part in the Score A Goalie universe... enjoy! next one will take a while, it requires research:)

///

The UWCL final in Eindhoven was here. Barcelona versus Wolfsburg. Clàudia on the pitch, you watching from the stands. You hadn’t felt so anxious about a match since the Copa De La Reina final, Atleti against Real Madrid, a match that went from 2-0 up to Real Madrid to Atleti bringing it to 2-2, through extra time and into penalties. Atleti came out on top and you were unashamed to admit that you had shed tears of joy over Atleti’s victory.

You had spent your time after the league finished organising the stuff you had brought to Barcelona back in January, trying to fit what you needed for your plans after the final.

Both sets of plans, as Clàudia planned to help you with your move, before the two of you went on a small holiday to serve as a break for you before you were thrown into training for the NWSL with NJ/NY Gotham FC, a club in need of a strong goalie to maintain their position at number 1 in the table.

It was hard, but you no longer had your apartment in Madrid, moving your things into storage that you did want to keep, but selling a lot. Clàudia was keeping some of your stuff for your return to Barcelona, the plans being after the NWSL season was done in November, you would be able to visit whilst Atleti and Gotham sorted out the post-NWSL training you could do before the winter transfer window in January.

But your career wasn’t the focus right now, as you sat in the stands of the Philips Stadium, in Eindhoven, waiting. Pina was on the bench but the stadium energy was electric.

Wolfsburg may have scored two goals first, but you couldn’t help but think about the Copa De La Reina final, Atleti were two goals down before bringing it up to 2-2, taking it to penalties after extra time where Atleti won.

You did not want it to go to penalties.

The second half was different and you could feel it, Patri sending the ball into the net to take it to 2-1, then two minutes later, Patri sent the ball in again, the score going to 2-2. Rolfö eventually making it 3-2 but later shots were going wide.

Pina was finally subbed on for Mariona in the 79th minute, while Ana was subbed on for Caro at the same time.

You grimaced as Wilms fouled Pina, but it wasn’t long after that Wilms was subbed off. A clash between Bronze and Popp had all the attention on the sidelines however, as Ingrid and Alexia prepared to be subbed onto the pitch at the 89th minute. 7 minutes of stoppage time were added, your stomach twisting as you leaned forwards in your seat, watching carefully.

Popp and Paredes ended up with yellow cards after a collision almost looked like it would turn into a fight on the pitch, Alexia and Ingrid having been subbed on minutes before the seven minutes of stoppage time arrived. Tackles flew in with players dropping like flies and you couldn’t stop grimacing.

Eventually the minutes ran out, Barcelona being crowned champions of Europe as Queen’s We Are The Champions played across the stadium, the team swaying and Pina rocking the trophy like it was a baby.

She spotted you in the stands, grinning and waving as you waved back, jumping up and down in celebration.

///

The UWCL final was a flashbulb memory in your mind, and your fiancee’s as you sorted out your suitcases, the flight across the Atlantic amounting to more than 8 hours in the air, with Patri driving you two to the Barcelona airport.

“I will miss you, but I will miss your pancakes more.” Patri declared as she watched you travel with double the amount of suitcases as Pina, but the reasoning made sense.

You were moving countries for your career, your fiancee was helping you settle in first, but you were allowed a break before going head on into the NWSL.

A break that you were spending with Pina, visiting someone you hadn’t seen in almost a year. Jenni Hermoso, who currently resides in Mexico to play for Pachuca in the Liga MX Femenil.

Arriving at JFK airport, Pina pulled up her hood, whilst you dug through your backpack, eventually finding a pair of sunglasses and putting them on to obscure your face.

“Where do we go?”

“I was emailed instructions… we need to get the subway to…” you paused, looking between your suitcases, to your large backpack balanced on one of them, to Pina’s luggage, “we’re taking suitcases on the subway… great start.”

“So we go from central station and get a connecting train to New Jersey…” You went over the instructions, passing Pina your sunglasses as you found your hat, almost amused at the Atleti logo on it but you were pretty sure someone had recognised you both whilst on the subway already.

///

“This should be it. The club arranged something close to the subway so I could get around without a car.” You explained, putting the key in the lock and almost celebrating when it turned and opened the door.

Wheeling all the suitcases inside, you headed over to the windows as you heard your fiancee speak, “es pequeño,” as she locked the door behind you both.

“Un poco,” agreeing with her, but it was a studio apartment with a tiny kitchen and windows that let in a lot of natural light, the view of the city presenting the hustle and bustle of New Jersey as you gazed out at the busy road full of cars.

“It feels very… New York, New Jersey… I don’t see a bat signal though.” You joked, peeking through the blinds like you were looking for a way to summon Batman.

“Gotham.” Pina rolled her eyes playfully as she snickered at your joke, walking over to the window to have a look.

“Suppose I should unpack something. Can’t leave it all until I’m back from Mexico and you’re on a flight… back to Barcelona.” Meeting your fiancee’s sad gaze, you held back your emotions as she reached for your hand.

“What am I doing? Moving nearly forty thousand miles away from you for a few months in the hopes my goalkeeper career isn’t just sitting on a bench until I retire then get stuck trying to become a goalkeeper coach? I’m sorry, you deserve better.”

“No. I deserve you. We deserve each other, and we both deserve play time, but I want you too.” Pina declared, her hand cupping your cheek as your face softened from where it was scrunched up in sadness, trying to hold the tears back.

“I want you too, and I want to play minutes. You are the only person who has put me first in a long time. You’re it for me, mi vida, our souls are together, even when our bodies are so far apart. I want to come back to you, marry you, and never leave you again, unless you don’t want that-”

“I choose you, remember? And our bodies are not apart yet.” Pina smirked, leaning in to press her lips against yours, before pulling away as you smiled.

“You’re right. In fact, I think our bodies could be a little closer.”

///

It took a little while to get your stuff unpacked, the two of you heading back out to travel from Hoboken and ending up in Greenwich Village, Lower Manhattan.

“I’m sorry you’re missing Ibiza this year.” You apologised over dinner/lunch (the timezone difference threw you two off), but your fiancee shook her head, pointing out that she was getting to spend time with her fiancee, in a new city before heading to another new city for a few days and seeing Jenni again after so long.

“I missed you in New York last winter.” Pina rationalised, smiling at you, before avoiding eye contact with whoever was behind you as the two of you were recognised.

“When do Atleti and Gotham announce your loan? People are recognising us from Barcelona.”

///

The flight to Mexico was nowhere near as long as the Transatlantic flight from Barcelona, the two of you bringing a lot less luggage too as you both looked to find Jenni and whoever she had brought with her to pick you both up from arrivals.

“¡Hola mis bebés!” Jenni cheered, pulling you both into a hug when she spotted the two of you approaching.

///

Your time in Mexico came and went, revealing the engagement to Jenni and how you were going to be on loan to NJ/NY Gotham until the end of the 2023 NWSL season. Jenni’s reaction included how you did not ask for her blessing, before she was congratulating you both and hugging you for taking a big step in your goalkeeping career.

Now you were staring out of your tiny studio apartment’s windows, watching the sun rise and trying to hype yourself up on your first day with Gotham.

///

Atleti and Gotham posted their posts first. Atleti revealed you had been sent on loan to NJ/NY Gotham for the rest of the 2023 NWSL season with good luck.

Gotham was a little more excited for you, using a photo array of shadows to tease your arrival, the shadows even resembled Batman before the final reveal of you in the Gotham goalie kit, the shadows made to look like the Bat Signal through the use of the spotlights during the photography session.

You were the next one to post, announcing your loan with a repost of the photo of you in the Gotham kit, with Bat Signal shining onto the dark background behind you, followed by photos of New York and New Jersey you had saved from when you and Pina were exploring around the two states.

Your previous posts consisted of photos of you and Pina hanging out with Jenni in Mexico, throwing people off online who thought everyone would be going to Ibiza, whilst leaving fans speculating as your engagement rings were spotted in one of the photos.

‘Sorry I’m not Batman, but I’m here to protect Gotham.’ Your caption was cheesy, especially with the bat emojis that Pina copied into her comment, along with a heart and flame emoji reminding you of the early days in your relationship.

///

#woso x reader #woso imagine #claudia pina x reader #claudia pina imagine #barcelona femeni x reader #barcelona femeni imagines #barcelona femeni imagine #atletico madrid x reader #atletico madrid imagine #atletico madrid imagines #woso imagines #claudia pina imagines

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inkblot-mirror · 10 months

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Pomefiore Dorm Headcanons:

-Lights out at 9pm. Period.

-Like Diasomnia, which is also an on old castle, Pomefiore has many hidden nooks and shortcuts and passageways, all of which Rook discovered and committed to memory the first day he transferred. It’s also how he gets around the place so quickly and pops up most unexpectedly, still giving even older students a scare.

-Students quickly learn not to sneak junk food and other forbidden snacks and stuff into their rooms because Vil always. Finds. Out. (It’s Rook—nothing ever gets past him)

-As Epel demonstrated, a common punishment in the dorm is cleaning: washing and wiping all the windows by hand, dusting the vases, sweeping the rugs and mopping the hallways and making sure everything is absolutely spotless. Without magic (it’s to build character ofc).

-The beautiful gardens and apple orchards outside are perfect for afternoon tea. Vil has, on more than one occasion, hosted a photoshoot in the gardens.

-Said apples in the orchards are also cursed to make whoever eats them violently ill. As a result the garden remains picturesque and pretty.

-Peacocks roam freely outside. They are surprisingly aggressive to outsiders.

-Entire dorm smells like fancy flowers and floral perfume.

-While not an official club on campus, but some Pomefiore students have made their own fashion design club. They hold fashion shows, showcasing their own creations every so often and Vil always attends.

-Has a potions lab in the basement where the housewarden duel is held.

-Mandatory ballroom dancing lessons! Pomefiore has three ballrooms in total.

-There’s a big white grand piano in the lounge that no one is allowed to play.

-Decently insulated, not too hot or cold, since both are bad for your skin.

-Lot and lots of stairs! Also easy to get lost in.

-Vil (and Rook) had to teach all the first years how to put their dorm uniform on properly.

- Lots of movie nights in the lounge. If one of Vil’s movies are being played, he expects full critique (and praise) afterwards.

-Vil is more accommodating towards beastman students with wings, tails, fur, and or ears that need more specialized care or attention.

-Kitchen is stocked only with healthy snacks and artesian bottled water.

——————

Scarabia Dorm Headcanons:

-So. Many. Parties. Parties to kick off the start of the school year, parties at the end of the week, parties to celebrate end of the semester, parties for the sake of partying.

-Second to Octavinelle, the dorm has lots of musically inclined students. One can hear lots of musical instruments being played day and night, such as the sitar, flute, oud, tamborine, or drum.

-Merfolk students like to cool off in the oasis or the courtyard fountain. This environment isn’t exactly the best for them… good thing there aren’t alot of them in Scarabia in the first place.

-Sand everywhere!!!!!! Even with magic, sand still finds a way to slip in. I don't like sand. It's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere.

-Occasionally there are powerful sandstorms outside.

-Even rarer is when it rains (without use of Kalim’s UM)—when it does, everyone dashes outside to dance and sing in the rain with joy (everyone minus Jamil)

-Dorm is home to Kalim’s menagerie of exotic wild animals allowed to roam freely: tigers, monkeys, camels, parrots, etc…

-They’re all tame (mostly), but you can still occasionally see Jamil and a student or two wrangling a monkey or chasing after a runaway pony.

-It’s nearly bug free for the most part (thanks Jamil!) but you can still find the lone scorpion or snake hiding in the corners.

-First thing new students are taught is to always always always double check and empty your shoes and clothes first before putting them on.

-Entire dorm smells of incense and spices and exotic perfumes. It’s very heavy on the senses.

-Very dry and hot as one would expect! Its gets chillier at night, but not by much.

-Students help out Jamil with the cooking. It’s a communal event, and recipes and stories are often swapped.

-Before Kalim, Scarabia was a pretty studious and academic dorm. Now they have a reputation as the party animals of NRC and curious students from other dorms like to sneak into their many parties or banquets. Not like Kalim minds: the more, the merrier!

-DONT TOUCH JAMIL’s SPICES!

#twst oc #twisted wonderland #twst #twst wonderland #disney twisted wonderland #twst headcanons #twisted wonderland headcanons #pomefiore #scarabia #my hcs #my headcanons

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winterwandersland · 1 month

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Paperwork

tw/cw: arguing, mentions of past torture and SA word count: 5.4k Kamara figures out the real reason Simon and the team needs her.

Chapter Two

The car ride was silent. No one dared to touch the radio, and no one wanted to be the first to speak during the seven hour long car ride, one that was usually filled with joy while all passengers sang along to the radio music. “How long will you be gone, Mara?”

Simon kept his hands on the wheel, avoiding looking into the back view mirror and only making slight eye contact with Kamara, who was glaring at the man driving. “A few days, one week, max. But I’ll come back every night, just like I told you. I’m not leaving you.” She kept her stare at Simon while she spoke to her daughter, secretly addressing the boundaries of the operation without addressing him.

The adults greeted each other, giving each other hugs and helping to get Ellie settled. Simon knew Tommy from different missions they had been on, the two growing to be like brothers. Upon being introduced to Joel, Simon experienced a sense of having a family again. He looked to Tommy like an older brother, Tommy being over a decade older than he, and Joel like a father figure, although Tommy and Joel were only some years apart.

The brothers already knew who Kamara was before they met her, both from Simon’s terrible convincing that he only spoke so much of her because she was the team’s pain in the ass, and also because there was always a debrief held when she joined a team, the rumors of her many disciplinary actions spreading from unit to unit. No one could comprehend how someone could have so many Article 15s on their file and still be able to serve, but with the many debriefs of possible behavioral issues, every meeting also ended with praises of her exceptional ability. Despite being bounced around multiple units, one Captain fought to keep her, primarily because a certain sergeant refused to be the last needed vote for her transfer.

With that sergeant’s stubbornness, the Captain could see what he saw, another soldier fighting for what she believed, no matter what the rules were. She often went against orders, putting herself in harm’s way to protect her team, spontaneously running a plan that would be against many codes, but she got the job done, despite the write-up she knew came after. The Captain realized that the arrogant men–himself included–were too prideful to admit that a woman was the one saving their lives and completing their tasks. They labeled her self-confidence and cockiness as 'insubordinate' and insolent when she was just a headstrong woman who marched to the beat of her own drum–a threat to man.

When Ellie settled in, they all said their goodbyes, Kamara making sure that she explained the situation again. Her daughter already knew, and instead of being surprised, Kamara smiled at her, praising Ellie for how smart she was and gave her a goodbye kiss.

***

The couple walked together, making their way towards the building where the rest of the 141 waited, passing by many soldiers who were running drills, the sun still beaming upon them and the dirt beneath their shoes chronically dry, crumbling with each step. Kamara looked on edge, constantly looking in every direction, like she was taking notes of her surroundings.

“Who’s that?” Gaz asked, staring out the window. Simon had made a call giving the team a head’s up that he would be on his way, but he didn’t mention that he would be bringing company.

“‘Mare’. The Lieutenant’s Missus .” Price already knew the woman, having met her a few times, but he mostly knew her through stories that Simon would tell that obviously excluded a second party, or else almost nothing he said would be possible. Some other teammates, though, didn’t catch on to that.

“Missus? So he’s married, then?Soap was clueless, unable to fathom that someone would actually settle down with a guy who had once been referred to as the "asshole with the mask." Price nodded his head, a small grin on his face, amused at the obliviousness of the sergeant.

“Why d’you call her ‘Mare’?” Gaz was surprised, but not as nearly as shocked as Soap. He knew those stories were missing a few details, he just couldn’t figure out what they might be. Now he knew.

“‘Cause she’s a right paperwork nightmare.” It wasn’t the many Article 15s that made her paperwork a living hell, but the paperwork to reinstate her because of her many Article 15s that made processing her into the squad almost unbearable.

“Is she joinin’ the force?” The team hadn’t done well with anyone joining the team, only a few successes and multiple betrayals, however, their General seemed to assure them matters were being handled. “No, she’s just helping out. If she joins, I’ll have to fill out some paperwork.”

“Ye dinnae sound too keen on the lass.” Price actually thought she was great. He had only met her a handful of times, but it only took the first meeting to let him know that she was highly intelligent and quite impressive, despite the rumors he heard from her former superiors. “It’s not that. Just worried about what he told her to get her to come here.”

“What d’you mean?” Kamara had agreed to help the team, for sure, even if it took Simon days of convincing her, pushing past the boundaries his wife firmly created, but she had a set rule: no decryption. “She hasn’t been in a unit for years. She refuses to ever enter the military again.”

“Just means she wants tae help her husband. She cares.”

“We’ll see.”

Simon and Kamara entered the building, immediately turning the corner to see Price, Gaz, and Soap, who each kept their positions until the couple made their way to them. Kamara approached first, each of her steps keeping her in front of Simon despite his larger gait, he purposely making sure she stayed in front of him. “John!” she yelled from down the hall, waving and smiling from ear to ear once she had eyes on the man.

“Kamara! Lovely to see you again!” Price widened his arms to embrace the woman once she approached, and she leaned into his embrace, though it didn’t last long because of the chills that shot through her body. She released him as quickly and discreetly as she could without embarrassing either of them, but she locked eyes with Simon, who was saddened at the sight.

“I’m sure you are familiar with Gaz and Soap,” he said, pointing each one of them out as he spoke. Both of them smiled at the woman, her shaking both of their hands, “Ah. Yes, the Falling Man and the Man Always Knocking At Death’s Door.” The team chuckled in unison, Kamara smiling at the men’s enjoyment. “I like her,” Gaz said, Soap nodding his head in agreement.

“I’m glad y’all feel that way, but I’ll only be here long enough to translate the files and then I’ll be on my merry way. Now, where’s the file room?”

Everyone, but one, was confused, giving each other glances and Price sneaking one at Simon — who was trying to avoid all eye contact—, then looking back at Kamara. “I thought Simon would have told you this, but the files are on a flash drive. I can show you to the computer lab.”

“Huh? Oh no. I only work on those things if they're already decrypted.” Kamara had barely touched a coded computer since she was captured, afraid that any wrong decryption could put her at risk again. Even small coding practices to keep her up to speed seemed like a risk. Price could barely get any words out of his mouth, stuttering over the words he couldn’t form. “Aye, it is! We did most o’ the work ourselves,” Soap said, ridding Price of the burden of having to cover up for their friend who looked guilty even behind the mask.

“What about the rest of the work?” Kamara was smart, able to read through every word that people told her when they seemed to be covering up the full truth, though sometimes that skill seemed useless when she looked past her instincts for the sake of her husband. “Just the translating and deciphering left,” he said, looking at Ghost, Price and Gaz, staying quiet to keep out the growing tension. Kamara took a sly look at Ghost and his comrades, coming to the conclusion that someone was lying — but it’s her husband. There was no way he’d lie to her, so she ignored it for her sanity’s sake. “Alright, then. Lead the way.”

Kamara followed Soap to the lab, Simon staying back and being obviously scolded for his actions, though their voices were too low for Kamara to hear anything. It’s nothing, she thought, hoping that the conversation between the stakes-faced men was because of the stresses of their mission.

The computer lab was by authorized access only, clearly not the lab used for the other soldiers that roamed around on base. The computer that Soap appointed Kamara to was old, but obviously still very functional. He patted Kamara on her shoulder, sending another round of goosebumps up her spine, after he turned the computer on to reveal the not even half finished encryption. Wanting to be clear of the woman before she noticed, Soap tried to leave the room, but he was too slow. “Hey, Soap, if you don’t mind, could you bring Simon in here, please? I would like some company. It helps me work better.”

“Nae bother,” he answered, a forced smile crossing his face, his pace quickening once he had his back turned towards the seemingly calm woman.

Soap kept his eyes on the ground when he left, pacing quickly to his friend, who seemed to know that he was in trouble. “The missus is wanton’ ye for company. Aw the best,” he said as he gave Simon two pats of condolences to his chest. The team could practically hear Simon’s heart drop to the floor and, although it was expected, an angry wife was still scary, no matter how predicted.

He entered the room to see Kamara sitting at the computer, elbow on the table and her legs crossed. The noise from the tapping of her fingers adding to the tension that filled the room, Simon feeling his impending doom. “Simon.”

“Kamara.” Already, he knew he had chosen the wrong thing to say, having a feeling that it would have been better to say nothing at all. Her eyes felt like they were placing shards in him, ripping him apart without saying a word. “Would you like to explain to me why I’m looking at an encrypted file?” Not really.

He was silent, letting his body speak for itself. His guilt filled the air and could practically be smelled from a mile away. He kept his gaze on Kamara, struggling to keep eye contact, and while he hoped to win the staring game, he faltered, his gaze moving to the ground. His wife stood up, using her legs to brace herself to be in front of her husband, crossing her arms as she peered up at him.

“Nothing to say? Alright…” She disguised her anger in her calm tone, yet Simon could still hear the simmer in her voice. “If you knew that I was only willing to work with you if I didn’t have to do any decryption, why the fuck—,”

“M’sorry.” Every word he said seemed wrong and the words he thought seemed even worse. Fumes practically burst out of Kamara’s ears as she began pacing in front of Simon, who stayed in one place, his eyes following her. He took his mask off before he entered the room, so his face told Kamara all she needed to know. He was wrong, and he knew it. She laughed hysterically, almost frightening her husband. “You’re sorry? That’s it? You lied to me. I trusted you!” Her voice gradually got louder, her now directly in front of Simon.

“And you can still trust me. I swear, but we need you, Mar, please,” he pleaded, reaching out to his wife, who ducked away from his touch. “You know I don’t code anymore. I translate and decipher whatever text and language that is given to me. That’s it.” Her voice was lower, possibly her realizing that she had begun to yell at someone she loved, or it was her going over conversations she had with her daughter about only yelling in reasonable situations. This was very reasonable.

“Code is a language…technically.” It was not the time nor place for any humor, but Simon hoped that it could at least ease some of the tension, but he knew those efforts were no good once his wife’s glare nearly killed him.

“Alright, okay. Listen, the truth is… we’ve gone through dozens of programmers and cyber operators. None of them have been able to break through the crypt, and we need to know what’s on it.” He was forcing his voice to not crack. Simon was not an easy man to break, but love opens up emotions that he didn’t know he had, that he had to be reminded of. “If so many other qualified people failed, what the hell makes you think I can do it? I couldn’t do it before and I can’t do it now. In fact, the last time I tried, I got our team killed, or did you forget that?” The tears in her eyes were evident, but she fixed her gaze on the dimmed light above them, ridding her eyes of the puddles that threatened to spill.

Finally, he heard her say it, even though it’s not like he didn’t know. She was still blaming herself. He couldn’t expect her to forgive her actions within the matter of a few days, but he hoped his affirmations would last longer, but it seemed like Kamara’s self-blame got worse by the day. “I could never forget. In fact, I remember all of it, including the fact that it wasn’t your fault.”

“My code got our location leaked, the names of families with it. Our team died because I made an error during a time when perfection was needed. Everyone was relying on me because I was the one who did everything perfectly, and the one time it mattered, I couldn’t do it. I failed. It was my fault.” Her voice cracked more as she spoke, the light no longer able to take away the pain that flooded her face with tears. The day would forever haunt her, not only because her team died, but because she was supposed to take the lead and her leadership led her team to Death’s door, and he answered.

Simon didn’t know what else to do. What more forgiveness can you give to someone who can’t forgive themselves? However, he wouldn’t let his own doubts stop him from trying. He had come so far to heal from the atrocities he had endured in Mexico, just to be setback when he was imprisoned again, though the torture he endured was different. He may not have physical scars to prove his time spent in hell, but he had the constant playback in his head every time he saw Kamara.

“Mar, there’s nothing to prove that.”

“And there’s also nothing to prove that it wasn’t my fault. So I’d rather feel and know what I’ve done than-,” she lost her balance, catching herself on her back foot, her tears now gliding down her face, “than go around telling myself I didn’t do it just to make my life worth living.”

“That’s not fair to yourself.”

“You wanna know what’s not fair? The fact that our team is dead. They had families. Children. People who loved them. It should have been me. I didn’t have anyone waiting for me to come home. I didn’t have kids. No parents, no family—,”

“And neither did I. You sayin’ I should’ve died back then, too?” The question stopped Kamara in her tracks, the first time since the beginning of their argument that she had to think about what she said. It felt like every answer she came up with sat heavier on her heart. To tell the truth would mean she had to admit it to herself and to lie would mean she would do the one thing she told herself she wouldn’t do.

“Yes.” No matter how many times she wiped her tears, even more replaced them.

“You don’t mean that.” He knew she meant it. It was more to convince himself that she didn’t. One thing he knew about his wife was that she didn’t lie, only when needed. Their relationship was supposed to be built on truth, something he broke. “Yes, Simon, I do. Because if you died, no one was waiting for you. They would have killed me, too, so I didn’t matter. There was no one waiting for us back home.” Her words were piercing through him just like her eyes, no matter how glassy they were. He couldn’t be mad at her for telling the truth, but he couldn’t deny the anger that his wife’s words brought him. Kamara could practically see Simon’s blood boiling–this time she lost the staring contest–the silence filling the room, and now she was on the other side of the fence.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.” The immediate regret was overpowering her anger, her body no longer tense with frustration, but with the worries of what Simon would say next. Whether she would prefer for him to be giving her the death stare with or without the mask, she couldn't tell, because both options seemed just as terrifying. Simon wasn’t one to hit her or yell at her. Sometimes, his glare was all she needed to know to back down. She waited for her husband to say something, if he said anything. The silence felt like knives cutting through her soul. “Please…Simon…say something..” Anything.

She tugged on his arm, but all he could do was glare at her, and when he felt she had enough, he turned his gaze ahead of him. “Will you be able to do the encryption or not?” His voice was firm, unshaken, closer to the voice he used on the field rather than with his wife. “Simon, don’t do that. Please.” He was shutting down. Shutting her out. If there was anything she hated more than Simon lying to her–which he seldomly did and if he did, it was playfully–it was when he shut her out, his emotions too overwhelming for him to express.

“Then what do you want me to do, Kamara?”

“Talk to me…that’s all…tell me why you lied. Why is this mission so important to you? Why can’t you just…let it go?” Her tone was soft, much softer than when the argument first began.

“‘Cause…”

“Because what? Simon, just tell me! I am begging you!” It was rare that Kamara ever pleaded. She had never even begged for her own life, let alone beg for Simon to tell her something, at least not in this type of circumstance.

“I can’t, love.” His voice returned to the one she knew so well, soft but obviously still filled with some anger. Kamara could feel her body tense up again, her fists clenching and her breaths becoming more shallow. In the past, Kamara had a reputation for throwing objects and knocking over the first thing she saw whenever she was angry, which was another reason she would be written up. Her relationship with Simon had allowed her to be more aware of her actions, containing her urge to become more reckless than her words.

“Why not?” He hadn’t answered. She took a deep breath, her anger nearly overwhelming her. “Simon, you are gone for weeks, mostly months at a time. We have had Ellie for three, nearly four years and you have seen her half of that time–,”

“Mar–,”

“She is our kid and she looks up to you. She wants to save people, too, just like her father, but you have to be there to teach her that family comes first. You are not representing the one thing we have tried to teach her!” Kamara's yells filled the empty halls, even though none of her words could be made out as they echoed.

“M’sorry.” It felt like she was going in circles, unable to get anywhere with the man. Usually, he’d have faltered by now. By this point, she didn’t care about the code or the drive. She wanted her family back, but she was getting tired of fighting.

“Alright, then. But you all don’t need me. Y’all are perfectly capable of finding other resources.” She forced a grin on her face, despite the tears that stained it, her eyes no longer teary but turned doe. “Come on, I don’t have to go back to Joel’s by myself tonight. You can come with me. I’m sure Price would understand.” His arm stayed sturdy as she gently pulled on it in an effort to get the stoic man to do something, anything, other than stand and constantly apologize.

“I can’t do that, love.” Her face immediately dropped, her eyebrows furrowing and her lips turning downward. Simon stumbled backward after Kamara shoved him, her touch on his touch ruminating for a few seconds before leaving. “Why not? Why the hell not? What is it? Are we not enough for you? Is that what it is?” Her voice was louder than it had ever been, Simon certain his team could hear, but he didn’t want to tell her to keep it down or to calm down. She had a right to be angry with him and he knew that.

“You two are everything to me. You both are my world. I wouldn’t be here without you or Ellie.”

“Then what is it? Is it your father? Because you’re not like him,” she began, going on to list the many reasons she believed Simon was not like the drunk. While it was relieving to hear, she still was missing the point.

“That's not it.”

“Then what the hell is it, damnit? Why is this case so goddamn important to you that you can’t come home to your family?”

“‘Cause of what he did to you!” Kamara was stunned, taking a step back from the first time Simon had truly yelled at her. Her eyebrows crinkled and her eyes searched the room, hoping to find an answer to what the hell he was talking about. They were both trapped together in that cell. However, her memories briefly started to come in, and she realized the guilt the man had held onto for all these years.

She forced a smile that didn't reach her eyes, hoping it’ll be enough for the man, “Simon, I’m fine…I’ve moved past it.”

“No, you haven’t, and you know full well you haven’t. Don’t try to lie to me–,” an ironic thing to say, he knew. “ You avoid the mirror like it’s the bloody plague. Loud noises still make you jump. You still flinch when I try to touch you. For God’s sake, hearing the shower run still gives you a panic attack. You’re not fine.” Kamara’s eyes brimmed with unshed tears and her shoulders drooped with a weight that seemed impossible to carry. “Look… I’m okay. It was only a few months and I hardly remember most of it. I have been through years of worse.”

“Did that worse include being drugged and sold, too?” No. Despite what she told him about the Red Room, he knew just as well as she did that those few months were insufferable, making the Red Room seem like a playground. The only thing her imprisonment and the Red Room had in common was that she constantly received reminders that her body was not her own. “It wasn’t that bad…the drugs made me forget most of it…besides, some of them were quite nice.”

Clenching his jaw and rolling his eyes at the woman, who could feel her husband’s burning stare beaming down on her, almost embarrassed that she made the irreverent comment. She was only trying to lessen his pain; humor was always how they pushed past their traumas, but the time for it was miscalculated.

The quietness was eerie, so Kamara decided to continue to attempt to ease his burdens. “How many times do I have to say it? I am fine. I’m sorry that you understand the things I went through. I wish you didn’t, but I can promise you, I’m alright. I don’t even think about it even more.” She was lying through her teeth and she knew it, but it was a needed lie she had to tell her husband and herself.

Simon’s silence was always scary, especially when Kamara couldn’t tell what he was thinking. It was obvious he was hurting. He was worried for her. And above all, he yearned for her past self, not only because he missed her contagious laugh and how she used to walk with her head high, but because he knew her past self would be disappointed in her present self. Before, she found every reason to smile no matter her circumstance–something he loved about her–and now, it seemed like she prohibited her freedom to smile as if she needed permission to do so.

“You wanna know the worst part about it?” The grave man had finally chosen to speak, ridding Kamara of any jests she had left, leaving her tongue-tied.

“I couldn’t do anything other than watch them strip you down and drag you away,” he began, Kamara’s eyes immediately becoming glassy and her vision blurry. “I could hear your screams until your voice went hoarse. I could hear them whip you. Beat you. Rape you.”

Any words that Kamara thought she could muster up had disappeared, her brain unable to come up with any response that could relieve the trauma her love had gone through, but ‌there was nothing she could say. The only thing she could do was accompany him in his pain, making sure he wasn’t alone in it, filling the space he thought would forever be empty.

“You dun’t remember, but I do, ‘cause they made me watch. It didn’t matter how much I closed my eyes, ‘cause I could still hear everything…and there was nothing I could do about it.” The days were blurry to her, constantly high on whatever the drug was for the week, her body never gaining tolerance for any of them. The pools in her eyes overflowed, but she tried to wipe away the streaks quickly painting her face.

“They might not have dragged a knife across my skin or beat me half to death, but they knew that just hearing and watching you was torture enough. Even when we finally made it out, it was like you weren’t really there. I thought the detox would kill you, but it didn’t, and that’s when I thought there was still a sliver of fight left in you.” What came next was what really broke her. This was the first time Simon had expressed any grievance for the situation, having never spoken about what had occurred three years prior.

“But then I found you—your wrists slit, bleeding out in the cabin, eyes completely dark, the light gone until we found Ellie. Even then, it’s not nearly what it used to be. I’m reminded of what happened every time I see that scar on your face and every time I try to hold your hand.”

There was nothing more that she felt she could do. What happened…happened. It was over and she wanted it to all be behind them. “None of that was your fault,” it seemed like they were battling who to blame even though the answer was clear, “I’m deeply sorry you had to endure that pain. I didn’t know that. Things like that don’t bring a spark to anyone unless they’re insane.” She thought she had avoided Simon being tortured, but there were factors she obviously didn’t consider, but she tried, and there was nothing she could do about it now other than be grateful he’s alive. “And sure, maybe I’m not as…joyful or happy as I used to be, but at least I am trying. I am here,” her voice shaking and her volume gradually increasing as she spoke, her rage coming over her again. “I make sure I am here for you! I make sure I am here for Ellie! And guess who is here for me? No one!” It wasn’t fair to Simon, having to keep everything bottled up, but it also wasn’t fair that the one person Kamara wanted–hell, needed–was choosing to not be by her side because she wasn’t the same.

“Mar—,”

“You’re supposed to be the one who is here for me, just like I will and have always been there for you! But now, I know you can hardly stand to look at me so it makes more sense.” It didn’t help that she could hardly look at herself because she was also reminded not of what they did to her, but what they took from her.

“That’s not what I said,” he calmly said. The wavering guilt fell upon Simon, knowing Kamara couldn’t be responsible for the burdens he did not communicate; she thought she had prevented him of that burden years ago, but not all burdens can be physically carried.

“Basically, what you said.” She had lowered her voice, it was still quivering but more controlled. “Don’t be like that.”

“Like what? What am I being like? What do you want me to be like? Why am I not enough?” It was obvious Kamara was officially breaking, not upset that she was lied to, but because she believed a part of her died in that cell, just to be left with the parts bearing untold secrets. Simon didn’t know how to answer the questions and, quite frankly, he didn’t know if he was supposed to, so he answered it the best way he could.

He cupped her face that was covered in tears, which he gracefully stroked away with his rough thumbs, “I shouldn’t have said that. I’m sorry. You are more than enough. Everything you’re doing is enough. You’re amazing.” He allowed Kamara to fall into his arms, her steady flow of tears staining his chest. “It was selfish of me to say that. I love you no matter who you are and what you do. I will always love you and I will always be by your side no matter the circumstances. I swear to you.”

“So then come home…please…” Her tears seemingly ceased. All she wanted was for Simon to be by her side and not have to spend each moment with him wondering if it would be her last.

“I will,” he replied, feeling Kamara’s chest stop and her breath hitching,“after this mission.” The last tear that Kamara hoped wouldn’t fall made its way to Simon’s shirt, her heart shattering just like it did every time Simon left her.

“I hate you,” she whispered. Simon’s hand found its way to the back of the whimpering woman’s head. “I know,” he said. He knew his wife didn’t mean it, but it pained him knowing that she loved him so much that she hated him for it, and his love was just as strong. Love was the reason he hadn’t resigned, because when he went home, it meant that he was forced to face the fact that he was an option. That someone chose to love him and wait for him, and that scared him the most, but he could no longer let his fear hurt the person who loved him, no matter his past.

“But I promise you, after this mission, I’m done. I’ll come home. I won’t miss a single night next to you. I’ll cook breakfast, lunch, and dinner every day. I’ll tuck Ellie in every night. I’ll even help her with the stupid homework you give her–,” Usually, Simon’s promises of coming home fell through, making the rest of his promises seem like just another set of words, but none of them had ever sounded as earnest as the one he was now making, filling a void in Kamara’s chest that none of his other pledges ever did.

Previous Chapter

I have an extended ending for chapter two in the works.

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