#the island chapter 9
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Anne was never attended by the crowd of willing victims who hovered around Philippa’s conquering march through her Freshman year; but there was a lanky, brainy Freshie, a jolly, little, round Sophomore, and a tall, learned Junior who all liked to call at Thirty-eight, St. John’s, and talk over ’ologies and ’isms, as well as lighter subjects, with Anne, in the becushioned parlor of that domicile. Gilbert did not love any of them, and he was exceedingly careful to give none of them the advantage over him by any untimely display of his real feelings Anne-ward. To her he had become again the boy-comrade of Avonlea days, and as such could hold his own against any smitten swain who had so far entered the lists against him. As a companion, Anne honestly acknowledged nobody could be so satisfactory as Gilbert; she was very glad, so she told herself, that he had evidently dropped all nonsensical ideas—though she spent considerable time secretly wondering why.
#I love her so much#she’s so silly#these tidbits bring me back to annexeverlark musings#chapter 9#gahhhh#anne of the island book club#thank goodness Gilbert gave up on being anything more than chums!#(but like why?)
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... my fucking GOD you know it's bad when Robin makes a face 😂
#like Usopp's a coward so that's practically his default face#Cunty Flam feels EMOTION so facial expressions are not unusual for him#but Robin?? “I've been called the devil child since I was 9 and also my island exploded so not even Death can harm me” Robin??#she is HORRIFIED#lmao#ok moving on#this is chapter 728 if anyone wants to know#someday I will be caught up with this series#one piece#mel stuff
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Ninjago seasons and specials ranked by how good the music is (with commentary)
Just a comment before we start: This does not include Weekend Whips or any other intros. Just the score that plays under episodes and credits music
21. Skybound
There's just barely any music for this season due to budget cuts or something of the like, and what music that is there I'm just not super enthused about or I forgot about
20. Crystalized
While there's a good amount of music for this season, I didn't find it super special or appealing, and it was just kind of meh like the season itself
19. Legacy of the Green Ninja
I hate to put this here, but something's gotta go here so it might as well be S2. The music was pretty great and there's a LOT of it, plus it's available to the public on an album, but really the only tracks from this season that stick out to me are Day Jobs and The Final Battle
18. Rebooted
Again, don't dislike the music, but something's gotta take these spots and I can't even recall any pieces from this season except for X-1 Joyride and Built to Protect
17. The Island
The score for this season is miles better than the plot and execution, but there's not a lot of it. There was like, one piece I could find on youtube. It was great though! Really fit the island vibe
16. Fire Chapter
It was pretty hard to decide whether The Island or Fire Chapter went here, but eventually I decided on Fire Chapter just because it had more tracks, plus the ongoing and reused Serpentine theme. None of the tracks really stood out to me, but I loved that they reused the Serpentine theme from the first few seasons for Aspheera and her minions
15. Seabound
This one is here for a combination of reasons from The Island and Fire Chapter. It has a lot of music, plus it fits the ocean theme super well. None of the tracks stood out to me except for the one reused one from Wu's Teas when they're all walking out in their diving gear though, so that's why it's this low
14. Hunted
I absolutely love the plot of this season and the hunter's theme, but the only thing that really stood out to me as 'Wow, this is amazing was Dragon Hunt'. It's also super all over because of the whole realms thing, which obviously doesn't make for a very consistent soundtrack. The Resistance Never Quits is a great track, too
13. March of the Oni
Now we start moving into the great seasons. 13th place might seem low, but considering how flipping amazing the other soundtracks are I think this is well-placed. It's diverse, but all fits together and the two moods are nicely separated, unlike whatever was happening in Hunted. I really like the nice, flowy, and clean tracks when we're around the ninja, and the choppy, dissonant music with the whispers and uncommon time signatures for the Oni never fails to give me good chills
12. Hands of Time
I'm gonna be honest with you and say that I was going to put this one a LOT lower, but then I decided to give it a relisten, and DANG. I can't believe I forgot how much of a BANGER this soundtrack is! Especially the ongoing theme. I think I forgot just because the plot of the season is so forgettable, but the music definitely goes hard
11. Rise of the Snakes
I think this is probably the most expected ranking on this list. The soundtrack is great, but it's not amazing. It's really hit-and-miss, honestly. You have bangers like Falcon Chase, Taking the Bait, Weapons Take Flight, and Race to Ouroboros, but the rest of it is kind of bland and forgettable in my opinion
10. The Lego Ninjago Movie
It seems like no one talks about the score for TLNM when we should absolutely be talking about it! It's great! You should really go listen to it. The percussive flute tracks by Greg Pattillo are especially good. Pieces like Sibling Rivalry, The Rise of Kitty Kitty, and Wise Master Wu are also super great!
9. Sons of Garmadon
I honestly can't remember why I put this so high, but I trust more-awake-Fiddler's judgment. It's got a great score, it's just that not a lot of it is super memorable for me. The very beginning of the season (the first bit of Sons of Garmadon Heist) gets stuck in my head all the time though
8. Pilots
Even though there are only 3-4 tracks in both episodes (depending on whether or not you count the Overture), all of them are amazing. Attack of the Skeleton Army, Discovering Spinjitzu / Dragon Ride, and especially Training Course all go hard, and I love that the very first taste of Ninjago we ever got had such great music. Like, be honest. Do you think that Ninjago would've taken off if it had some crap MIDI, mass-produced music in the background? I personally don't think so. We owe a lot to Vincent & Kramer for the Ninjago we know today
7. Day of the Departed
Considering that this special has like, only one track, this is pretty fuckin' high for just one piece of music among whole seasons worth of music. I cry pretty much every time I hear Maybe I'm Departed, and it hits so much harder after Kirby Morrow's passing. Also, little self-promo here, if you haven't listened to my version of Maybe I'm Departed yet, what are you doing?
6. Prime Empire
Prime Empire's music is just fucking sick. It goes so hard and perfectly fits with the cyberpunk/video game vibes of the season. It's so diverse, too, with tracks from Scott's Stowaway Part 2, to Stayin' Aflight, to Fourth Mile Marker, to the Noir Whip. I'd say one of my favorite parts in the entire thing is when a West Side Story reference appears in the soundtrack of Confidential when two or three of the goons are snapping like the Jets lol. My favorite track in Prime Empire would have to be Fourth Mile Marker, just because it's so beautiful, and the melody also reminds me a lot of the theme from Schindler's List, which is just a beautiful theme
5. Dragons Rising
DR is all the way up here despite being so new because the music is already so iconic in my eyes. I haven't even really paid attention to the 'remixes' of old pieces yet, I'm just in love with the original music. It's so unique, and you really can't mistake it for any other season. I especially love the credits from The Merge Part 1, and Tradition of the Ninja
4. Master of the Mountain
I originally had this at #3, but I made a last-minute decision to bump it down one. Not because of anything about it though. It's fuckin' epic. I love the ongoing theme, and in the suite, I absolutely love at the very beginning the few notes played by handbells. Also in the suite, from about 5:49 to the end is the most epic, magical, grandiose thing I've ever heard in my life and you need to go listen to it right this second. Exit tumblr, listen to it, then come back for the top 3. I'll be here when you get back. And one more thing I love about the score is that it's constantly in different and weird times, and cuts out beats when you're least expecting it. Also, I know I said I wouldn't bring Whips into this, but I absolutely love that the beginning is in 6/8. First whip not in 4/4 let's gooooooooo
3. Ice Chapter
Honestly, I was super torn about whether I should put this one at #4 or #3, but in the end, I chose this spot for a number of reasons. The whole thing just gives off winter vibes, I absolutely love the folk aspect of it for the Formlings theme, the Ice Emperor theme is so freaking dark and scary, and there are so many bangers! Namely Akita Finds Her Animal Form and Twice As Stubborn
2. Possession
If you know me, this might come as a surprise seeing as how much I love this season and its music, but it's actually second place for me. It is home to my favorite piece from Ninjago ever, though, which is Ghost Story. I've probably made dozens of posts about the geniusness of Morro's theme and music when he's around and talked about, so I won't go into great detail about that. Just know that the well-known bit features the tritone (often called the devil's interval) played on a fiddle and/or viola (the fiddle was considered the devil's instrument back in ye olden days). Anyway, I highly recommend that you go listen to Ghost Story because it's just a wonderful piece that beautifully tells Morro's story through music
1. Tournament of Elements
I always go back and forth on whether ToE or Possession is my favorite season, but there was no doubt in my mind that ToE is my favorite from a musical standpoint. It's so diverse, yet fits together so nicely. The music features a lot of traditional drums and chanting, really fitting the whole island/fight club/cult theme. The season also has a bunch of bangers, spanning from Gauntlet of Humility, to Thinking About Yourself, Rooftop Ruffhouse, And That's The Kink, I Am the Titanium Ninja, Lloyd's Flashbacks, and who could forget Sneaking Around, the credits music for a bunch of episodes in a lot of other seasons
So, do you agree with my ranking? Feel free to reblog with thoughts or your own rankings!
#ninjago#ninjago music#ninjago score#ninjago season 1#ninjago season 2#ninjago season 3#ninjago season 4#ninjago season 5#ninjago season 6#ninjago day of the departed#ninjago season 7#the lego ninjago movie#ninjago season 8#ninjago season 9#ninjago season 10#ninjago fire chapter#ninjago ice chapter#ninjago prime empire#ninjago master of the mountain#ninjago the island#ninjago seabound#ninjago crystalized#ninjago dragons rising#ninjago ranking
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Chapter 9: The Growing Tension and Future Problems
Zeff was stressed. Maybe it was the wrong wording to use but he had this nagging feeling since they had left Alabasta that wouldn't leave him alone. His crew was for the most part, calm and they were finally getting familiar with the Grand Line weather. His new navigator was efficient and was quickly adopted by his entire staff while Kehos wandered around the ship.
The doctor Koil kept his grumpy exterior but was the first to yell at the cooks if they were being reckless with their health so Zeff liked him.
And yet, something felt wrong.
The chef was starting to accept the fact he wouldn't be able to reach Whole Cake in time to save his stupid son but he also was stubborn when he wanted to. If he couldn't kick the Vinsmoke family at the wedding, he would kick them another time.
So to keep his mind from wandering into dangerous water and be paranoid about everything happening, Zeff cooked. He cooked a lot, for everyone mostly and because some ustensil reminded him of his little Eggplant when he was still an apprentice.
The meat was slowly cooking in a pan while he was chopping the vegetables when Aryn barged in the gally with a frantic look on his face.
“What's wrong kiddo?”
“We're being followed.”
“What?”
Zeff looked at his work in progress and then back at his navigator. The chef called one of the cooks and told him what he was making and not to mess it up if he didn't want to be kicked out of the ship.
Then, he asked Aryn to follow him in his office.
“You sure about that?”
“Almost hundred percent sure. I was hesitant to bring this up before because maybe we had the same destination but everything is too weird for it to be a coincidence.”
“What do you mean?”
Aryn sighed and sat down on the chair in front of the desk. He took out the map he had and laid it on the flat surface. Then, he pointed to what seemed to be their location.
“As you can see, there are no islands near us. The one we intend to reach is Jaya, which is maybe two or three days away with our speed, and we left Alabasta yesterday.”
He looked at Zeff worriedly.
“What I'm trying to say is that, if they also stop at Jaya, then it means we're probably in danger. Maybe they are old enemies of yours, maybe they are employed by someone who wants your death, I don't really know. But if they stop and leave at the same time we do, then…”
“Then they're going to attack sooner than later.”
“Exactly.”
Zeff thought about the situation. If what Aryn was saying was true, it could lead to a more dangerous outcome. His crew was strong, but not strong enough to fight against real big pirates from the Grand Line. Normally, there would be no reason for any ship to attack them because they did not bear the pirate flag and looked like an average boat with a weird exterior, but pirates did not care about all of this. If they thought they had treasures of valuable things, they would attack anyway.
“Aryn.”
“Yes?”
“How far are they behind us?”
“Roughly 10,2 nautical miles*.”
“You saw them from the crowsnest?”
“Yes. I think they are trying to keep their distance for a bit to not be seen.”
The chef sighed and rubbed a hand on his face. More problems were to come and he wasn't excited.
“Also, I'm sure you're aware that we won't reach Totoland in time. I can still lead us to Sabaody Archipelago but past this part, we'll need a different Log Pose.”
“Yeah I know that, I'm gonna try to contact their boat once we pass the Red Line and see where to meet them.”
“Okay then I'll keep watching our followers.”
Aryn left the office and closed the door behind him. The chef let himself fall on his chair with a sigh. Now what should he do? There was one more possibility Aryn didn't think of, which was fair because he was new. But if the boat following them was full of soldiers and pirates ready to kill them if Sanji did not comply, then it meant that his first reflection had been true, they were “hostages”.
Zeff stood up after maybe ten minutes and went back to the kitchen. Once he was there, he was met with a burnt pan and a knocked down cook. Zeff frowned. Koil was already there, checking on the cook to see if he was okay.
“What happened?”
“Hell if I know. One of them came to inform me that a cook was unconscious in the kitchen and I found him like this.” Koil said while looking at the man's pupils.
“Where was he hit?” Zeff tried to ignore the waste around them but it was difficult.
“Behind the head.”
So it wasn't an accident. Someone had hit the man with something hard enough for him to be knocked down. The chef exchanged a knowing look with Koil who just nodded.
“I was the one who found him. Everything was still cooking when I arrived so I turned the gas off but it still burnt in the end..”
Zeff looked at the man standing with his hands behind his back. He was one of the cooks he had hired maybe a month ago, just before they left for the Grand Line. With said information, his suspicion sky-rocketed. The man was tan, had black hair tied into a ponytail and wore his apron just like every cook on this ship.
“And how can I be sure you're not the one who did it?” Zeff asked.
“I was with the newbie on the deck when we heard the noise coming from the kitchen.”
It did not help to lower his suspicion but he couldn't just start and blame everyone on the ship.
“Take him to the infirmary, we'll talk about that later.”
They all complied and Zeff started to clean the mess. Maybe he could still salvage the meat and get rid of the burnt taste with spices and a good side dish. Another solution would be to cook a stew with the meat and add potatoes to save it. He'll find a solution, he was sure of that. The day Zeff would waste food would be the day of his death.
Once he was done, he decided to leave the kitchen and check the cook. In front of the door, there was Kehos, Patty and Carne who seemed to be in a heated argument.
“I told you, Uncle Koil told me to stay here! He trusts me to keep everyone at bay.” Kehos said with his arms crossed.
“And I'm telling you that it's not your ship and that it's our duty as cooks to keep our comrades safe.” Carne argued back.
The chef cleared his throat, drawing the attention of the three men, who froze once they saw him.
“Head Chef! What a surprise.” Patty said nervously.
“Yeah what a surprise indeed. May I know why you are arguing like toddlers?”
“We wanted to keep watch because of what the doctor said but the rookie here wanted to do the same.” Carne explained.
“So, if I understand, you all are too stupid and full of yourself to even consider keeping watch together.” Zeff concluded, unimpressed.
They all stared in silence before Patty talked again.
“I don't trust them. Him even more. At least the navigator Arum, Avyn, A-I-don't-know-his-name, is useful and knows how to do his work. The doctor too. Him? What did he do? Absolutely nothing. I bet he doesn't even know how to fight.”
“Hey! I've been here for a day! Give me some slack!”
“Yes and?!” Patty replied with anger in his voice.
“Enough you two. It's ridiculous. Patty, Carne, go organise the cooking rotations for the meals. Kehos you go and help Aryn.”
“But Uncle Koil said…”
“I don't care. I'm the captain which means I am your boss. You do as I say and that's it. Now go and make yourself useful.”
Kehos opened his mouth to protest when he heard the voice of the doctor from the room, even though it was muffled.
“Just obey already, you have free will for god's sake!”
Kehos closed his mouth and left the place with a pout. Zeff stared almost in disbelief at such a display of childishness. One kid had been enough to raise, he wasn't about to raise one more who was already an adult.
The chef opened the door and closed it behind him. Koil was at his desk, looking at the patient with a frown.
“I think he had a concussion from the hit. He'll have to rest for the next week and he'll be okay but I can't do more.”
“What do you think hit him?”
“Plenty of things. You're a restaurant ship, you have everything to knock down someone and everyone can't use them.”
They stayed silent for a time then Koil grumbled something Zeff didn't quite grasp at first.
“What the hell did you say?”
“I said “I shouldn't have joined you if your own crew betrays you”. I'm not here to endanger my life.”
“I told you I was on my way to Big Mom's territory, I'm not responsible for your decisions. “
“You didn't say that. You just said your son was part of the Strawhat Pirates.” Koil answered smugly.
“Don't play games with me, you know exactly what I am saying. Make sure he has the rest he needs, I'm going to look after my crew.”
The doctor scoffed and went back to his job and Zeff left the infirmary. He definitely was too old to play the role of a ship captain. In the East Blue when the restaurant was running, he was mostly the Head Chef and the Owner. Now, he was the captain of a crew.
And he dared to think this life was behind him when he sacrificed his leg. How wrong he was.
#one piece#fanfiction#sanji#spoilers#found family#zeff's adventures on the grand line#red leg zeff#strawhat pirates#judge is not sanji's father#alabasta#whole cake island#ao3#chapter 9
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I may have trash-talked yakuza 8's story way too much now that im playing lost judgment... i mean considering how much i said i hate it i did play the fuck out of that game and i cant even play a full hour of lost judgment orz
#like i used to play y8 for like 8 hours every day doing all the side content and dondoko island and whatever#i had a blast playing y8 honestly even if the ending completely ruined the game for me#and chapter 12 but whatever#and lost judgment... idk i just can bring myself to like it at all?#or maybe a little bc there ARE very glld scenes but i feel like the narrative and the pacing are absolutely atrocious#the first 5-6 chapters are so slow and even if its getting better i just cant play for a long-ish time without being bored?#im on chapter 9 and even if i should be like omg kuwana is connectrd to everything im like When Does This Game End#im so sad man i really wanted to enjoy this game :( even more than y8#like it sounds like i hate it but i dont. i just think the first game is just so much better story wise and i guess i was expecting the same#with lj#it does have scenes i love tho and at least i can enjoy seeing yagami being put in Situations and think about how pretty he is#but oh well.#rant
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Randomly thinkin about Chilchuck today, and how he tries sooooo hard to self sabotage
like for example, other half foots on the island think that he's a greedy asshole who only cares about money, and he does nothing to try to disprove that

but then there's this omake at the end of book 9 that shows that people treat half foots fucking TERRIBLY and chilchuck started a union to protect them
and then in the bicorn chapter, he doesn't want Marcille to keep digging into his personal business so he tells her he CHEATED ON HIS WIFE
but he just COMPLETELY fuckin lied about that and made himself sound so much worse than he is bc he's afraid of being vulnerable with people and would rather everyone believes he's a shitty person so he can keep them at a distance
and the thing that's memed so often is that he refuses to help with fighting most of the time because it's not part of his contract
but if you take this lore into account (not gonna add those particular images to this post simply bc I've used them in so many posts already LMAO) along with this tidbit from the world guide:
then it's like. yeah he has to keep his weight low so if he gets killed or severely injured and has to be healed, that could be really dangerous for him. and even if he was healed at that point he'd end up being a burden to the party after that point, he would be too dangerously thin/sickly to be able to help.
Like, Chilchuck has so many things about him that APPEAR to be character flaws, but every single one of them has a very reasonable explanation. He just leans into the mischaracterization bc he's emotionally withholding and can handle people thinking he's an asshole more than he can handle opening up to anyone. he's such a well thought out and interesting character
#someone commented about his weight management on my fatness lore post and it got me spinning chil around in my brain#had to do a lil infodumpy post about it eheh#it's fun to make fun of chilchuck but he's really secretly a very kind and selfless guy when it comes down to it#dungeon meshi#dungeon meshi spoilers#delicious in dungeon#delicious in dungeon spoilers#chilchuck tims#long post#lyla's talking again
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Laios Backstory
I've been wanting to compile the comics that talk about Laios backstory for a while, especially after reading the "Laios and Family" extra from the new Adventurer's Bible that re-contextualizes it from Falin's POV.
So I'll be posting and discussing parts from the manga and extras that talk about/show his and Falin's Backstory. Spoilers Ahead.
First, here are their timelines from world guide, its a nice way to situate whats happening and how old they are.
Starting with chapter 52 - Bacon and Eggs, Laios tells his and Falin's story to his party for the first time, after being asked by Senshi why they came to the island.
Laios left the village a year before Falin did. Falin was 9 and Laios was 12, they only met again 9 years later when Laios deserted the army.
"That's why I decided that I would never leave Falin behind again. At least until she finds somebody new that she wants to be with."
Then there's the "Laios and Family" extra from the new adventurer's bible:





I really enjoy the recontextualization from Falin's POV. Especially since we get to understand their parents better.
And Laios finally explains that he left so he could build a better life for them where Falin wouldn't be treated badly. Only to fail and realize she was doing better without him.
They both want what's best for each other but they're too silly.
"I thought if we parted ways at that point, I'd probably never see him again. So I went with him, without thinking about where it would lead."
Going back to Chapter 42 - Nightmare with this context.
You can really tell how he feels like a failure.
Rereading those helped me appreciate the Caravan Extra and Arrival on the island from daydream hour better.
This poor guy failed at everything he had set out to do at this point. And when Falin says "Long time no see, big brother!" she really means it, she hasnt seen a well groomed Laios in almost 10 years.
#dungeon meshi#dungeon meshi spoilers#dungeon meshi manga#daydream hour#backstories#for referencing#adventurers bible#Laios Touden#Falin Touden#touden siblings#Laios Backstory
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As the flash hits your eye, you feel something crashing into you from all directions. Below you is obvious, Bonbon situated themself to bump into you while the picture was taken. You look to your right, and Mirabelle’s cheek is pressed up to yours. On your left, Isabeau’s sheepishly hugged you to his side. There’s a hand in your hair, too, and it feels like Madame Odile. [...] “We need a souvenir of this trip,” Mirabelle adds. She rushes to the ground to pick up the picture and snort-laughs as she looks at it. “Oh no, Siffrin looks like we’re holding him hostage!” — Curtain Call, Chapter 9, by @openphrase123 (Link in the replies)
2024 October 22nd
Fanfic fanart fanfic fanart!! When I read the "hostage" line, it invoked such a clear image in my head of Siffrin tensed up like a startled prey animal that it got added to my list of things to maybe draw immediately.
Dooon't think about the words 'left' and 'right' in that quote too hard. I know how to read I prommy. :) (I did Not process those words and lost the coin flip in the composition phase...)
Close-up and ramblings about the cans of worms I unleashed upon myself under the cut
Time taken on this was [head in hands] 48 hours and 37 minutes.... That bloated number has two culprits:
1) I got a new tablet! My old one was 10 years old. Its plastic was melting and the electronics had ghosts in 'em, so it needed the sweet release of retirement. However, I had just gotten to the line art phase when the switch happened. Clumsily getting used to the new one during the most precise phase of the process did devastating things to my perfectionism.
2) I made a GRAVE mistake with how I chose to color this. I wanted to keep the grayscale layers for accuracy instead of just slapping a B&W filter over the colored version, so all the colors come from gradient maps, color balance layers, overlay layers, and raster layers clipped to other layers. Listen. I'm used to working with lots of layers. I like keeping things separate so I can edit them more easily. But this is the worst layer system I have ever created. Going from color to B&W requires toggling exactly 20 layers & folders on or off. There are 87 visible layers total. This file lags when you edit it. I've never wanted CSP v1.13 to have layer comps more in my life.
Not helping matters was Isabeau. I said he was the easiest to draw in my last post, but he took that as a challenge, apparently. It's a simple fist-on-hip pose, why was that so hard!?! His face gave me grief too.
Odile's lil' wave got added at the end of the line art phase. I've never added to a sketch that late in the game before, but I felt bad about how little screen area she got, haha. Girl, I tried, but this composition was not kind to you.
Giving Isa, Odile, and Siffrin skin colors felt cursed. Well... "color" is maybe a stretch for Sif. The pallor from being affection-jumpscared isn't helping. In the dev's nose reveal post, they said that Siffrin isn't white but is white-passing, so BOOM albinism headcanon. Like c'mon, they wear a big hat and have most of their skin covered because the sun is a deadly laser when you have little to no melanin and idk if sunblock exists in-universe. Heck, maybe most Islanders have it, their whole religion is about the night sky so maybe they're nocturnal. This makes perfect sense. :)
#in stars and time#in stars and time spoilers#isat#isat siffrin#isat isabeau#isat odile#isat bonnie#isat mirabelle#fan art#2d art
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Don't Call Me Kid - Chapter 2
(Rafe Cameron x Reader series, 4.9k words)
series summary: You'd had a crush on Rafe Cameron since you were six years old, but he friend zoned you at every turn. Once shy and insecure, you found new confidence and self-love after high school. When your high school friends go on a reunion beach trip, Rafe finally sees what he lost, but he isn't going to give you up without a fight.
tropes: unrequited crush, glow up, she fell first/he fell harder
content: some angst, eventual fluff, slow burn, tomfoolery and shenanigans, drinking, fem!reader has occasional insecurity and body image issues
⇢ series masterlist
After weeks of all-nighters and cramming for finals, sleeping in on your first morning at the beach house felt incredible. It was only 9:30 when you finally stirred in the comfy bed, but it felt late in the day.
Coming down the stairs in your pjs and slippers, you smiled at the sound of your sister’s voice, joking around with her old friends. Your goal this trip was for her to have a good time, and despite the emotional rollercoaster of seeing Rafe yesterday, at this moment, you were glad you decided to stay. You entered the room to see half the house was awake, though neither Rafe or Tom had made an appearance yet.
“Ladies and gentleman, it’s Kerri Walsh Jennings!” Topper deepened his voice like a sports announcer when you entered the kitchen. The few people who were up all turned to you, playfully bowing and applauding like you were a true Olympian. You grinned and rolled your eyes, surprised at how comfortable you felt with the unprecedented attention.
Topper was at the stove flipping pancakes for everyone’s breakfast, wearing an apron that said “kiss the cook.” As you approached the kitchen island to grab a stool next to your sister, he leaned over, holding the spatula like a microphone.
“So tell us, Kerri, now that you’ve won the gold what will you do next?”
“Well, Top,” you played along. “First, I’m going to get some coffee…then I’m going straight to Disneyland!”
Everyone in the kitchen laughed, making the tips of your ears turn red. No one ever laughed at your jokes in high school, not that you were confident enough to make many. Rafe would tell you sometimes that you were funny, so long as no one was around to hear him admit it.
“Well I can help you with the first part,” Topper said, grabbing a mug and the coffee pot.
“Wow, so domestic of you, Topper,” you teased as he poured your steaming coffee in front of you.
“He’s our house mother,” Carter said, smiling wide at Topper who did a jokey little curtsy motion. Clearly this was a running joke between them.
Topper handed you a plate of pancakes, which Kelce promptly reached over your shoulder to steal.
“Since when are you such an athlete?” Kelce asked, his mouth already full with your breakfast.
You told them all about your team at school, surprised out of your mind that everyone was actually listening intently.
Rafe woke up groggy and sore, ducking his head as he walked through the basement and made his way up the rickety steps. As he reached for the handle of the door which opened into the kitchen, he smiled at the sound of your voice on the other side. His smile quickly faded when he heard Kelce interrupt you with, “Yeah and you kicked Rafe’s ass, too, made him your bitch.”
“I wouldn’t go that far.”
Every head in the kitchen whipped towards the sound of Rafe’s voice as he emerged, except for yours. You shuffled slightly on your stool and sipped your coffee. Rafe didn’t miss the way you were ignoring him, his eyes grazing quickly over the smoothe skin of your shoulders before redirecting to anything he could find.
“Cute apron, Top,” he landed on.
“Thanks man,” Topper said, ignoring his mocking tone. “Want some flapjacks?”
“Ew, who calls them flapjacks?” Carter burst out laughing.
“Well now you don’t get any,” Topper scolded, pulling her plate away from her and handing it to Rafe.
“I don’t want ‘em if Carter’s put her mouth near them,” Rafe mocked. “We don’t know where she’s been.”
“Says the guy who licked the gym floor in seventh grade,” you said quietly.
The entire room came to a halt, everyone surprised at the sound of you joining in on the teasing. No one had actually heard you address Rafe yet. The awkwardness hung in the air, all eyes going wide as they waited to see if the notorious hothead was going to be able to take what he was dishing out. You just picked at your pancakes with your fork and hoped everyone would move on, but Rafe smirked at you, a playful twinkle in his eye.
“That was on a dare,” he defended himself.
When you finally looked up at him, your stomach twisted into a knot as you noticed how cute he looked in his white undershirt and grey sweats, messy bedhead and sleepy eyes. You immediately regretted acknowledging that you remembered something he did so long ago. Now, he was looking at you with something like excitement, smug that you were talking to him, like your big triumph the day before had never happened.
“Oh, I didn’t remember that part.” It was a lie, you remembered everything he ever said or did.
Rafe’s face dropped at your impassive tone, his brief window of hope that all was forgiven slammed shut.
To your great relief, Tom chose that moment to enter the room, drawing the attention away from you and Rafe. He had apparently been out on a run, and his under armor shirt, wet with sweat, clinged to his form to reveal a sculpted chest below.
“How we doin’ everyone?” His cheery voice boomed. He slapped Topper on the back before giving Kelce a frat bro handshake across the counter. “What do we have here?” He whistled appreciatively at the spread Topper had put out.
As Topper rattled on about the many flavors and shapes of pancakes he could offer, Tom looked over at you with a cheeky smile and mouthed “good morning!” You smiled back with a little wave, butterflies erupting in your stomach at the way he was singling you out.
After the volleyball game last night, you’d all gone to a seafood restaurant on the water. Tom had chosen the seat next to you, and made extremely pleasant dinner company. He asked you all about yourself, about school and what you were planning for the future. He was a great listener, and you were so glad to have someone to chat normally with without the baggage of your childhood hanging over your head. You hoped the week would hold many more cozy conversations with him.
Unbeknownst to you, Carter was watching as you smiled at him in the kitchen, and so was Rafe. They had very different looks on their face as they realized at the same moment that something was happening between you and Tom.
After Topper and Kelce reclaimed Tom’s attention, talking over each other about their plans to go fishing later, Carter squeezed your elbow and motioned with a nod for you to follow her out onto the patio.
“Ummm, okay, what was that?” Carter asked with arched eyebrows once you were settled on the patio couch next to her.
“Oh my god I know. I shouldn’t have said anything, do you think everyone will think it’s weird I remember something he did in seventh grade?” You asked worriedly.
Carter scrunched her brows in confusion for a minute before waving you off with her hand. “Oh, no not Rafe, he’s old news. I’m talking about your little moment with Tom!”
“Oh, uh,” you cleared your throat, embarrassed that you were still lingering on Rafe when she clearly wasn’t. “I don’t know, he’s nice.”
“He’s fucking gorgeous is what he is,” she fanned herself theatrically.
“Are you into him?” Your stomach dropped at the thought that she might be interested. In your eyes, Carter always had first pick, and surely if Tom thought she was interested he’d choose her over you in a heartbeat.
“No,” she shook her head. “I’m having too much fun messing with Topper.”
You laughed hard at that, “yeah, I noticed. Are you two back on again?”
“Maybe,” she shrugged. “You think if I play my cards right I could get him to propose?”
“I think you could probably get him to do just about anything,” you chuckled.
“Okay, then it’s settled, I’ve got Topper and you,” she poked at your side and you swatted her hand away, “will make a move on Tom.”
“I don’t know about ‘make a move,” you took a long sip of your coffee, suddenly anxious.
Carter eyed you curiously, recognizing the insecurity she hoped you had left behind now that things were going so well. She didn’t understand how you still couldn’t see how amazing you are, but she was determined to prove it to you by the end of this trip.
Rafe did his best not to stare at you through the sliding door, but when he heard your melodic laugh float in through the screen, he couldn’t help the way his head snapped toward the sound, wishing desperately that it was him making you laugh like that. You used to laugh at all his jokes, and he’d taken it for granted. The sad thing was, he actually loved hanging out with you. You had a great sense of humor, and he always felt so comfortable when it was just you and him. He knows now he should’ve just called it what it was, been with you in public too. But he had so many eyes on him back then, and he was worried what people would think. Plus, he knew you’d stick by him even if he treated you like shit, and he took advantage of that. He kicked himself mentally, feeling like a Grade A chump while you sat there, looking beautiful in the ocean breeze, smiling through the window at some guy you’d met yesterday.
As he lost himself in his thoughts, Topper noticed him staring at you, a knowing smirk tugging at his lips.
“She looks good, huh?” He asked Rafe.
“What?” Rafe shook his head as if he could erase the thoughts that were plaguing him. “Who?”
“Oh, come on,” Topper nodded towards you and Carter on the deck.
“I dunno,” Rafe tried to play it off. “She looks the same I guess, a little different.”
“Bro,” Topper gave him an incredulous look. “She’s a fucking smokeshow. You’re into her, don’t even try and fool me.”
“If you're so into her, why don’t you go for her?” Rafe snapped at him.
Topper shook his head, “maybe because I’m not the one she was obsessed with for a decade.”
“She wasn’t obsessed with me,” Rafe protested. “We were friends.”
“Right,” Topper said sarcastically. “And I was a number one draft pick. Dude, she was in love with you, everyone knew it.”
Rafe leaned forward on the counter, propped on his elbows, looking down at his uneaten pancakes with a frown. His stomach twisted with guilt. Of course everyone knew, he knew it too. And he’d be lying if he said he didn’t use your adoration of him to his advantage from time to time. Okay, all the time. He couldn’t really blame you for still being mad at him, he was a dick. But he liked to think he’d grown some since then, not that you had any reason to give him a chance to prove it.
“I think she’s into your buddy, Dom, or whatever his name is,” Rafe grumbled.
“First of all,” Topper pointed the spatula at him, “you know his name is Tom. And second of all, I love the guy, but he’s got nothing on you. Give me one day, she’ll be back.”
“Don’t do anything weird, man,” Rafe warned, cringing at the thought of what kind of damage an unsupervised Topper could inflict.
“Don’t worry dude, I got it handled,” Topper assured him.
Rafe just chuckled and sipped his coffee, knowing this was a losing battle, “whatever you say, Top.”
The door slid open and you and Carter reentered the kitchen. Tom stood from his place at the little breakfast nook when you walked in, and you were relieved that he ended his conversation with Maddie and Sabrina so abruptly at the sight of you. He smiled down at you before heading into the kitchen to help Topper clean up. Rafe was noticeably not helping, sitting at the counter scrolling on his phone.
“No phones,” Carter said, swiping it from him.
“Give it,” he held his large hand out to her, jaw ticking with annoyance.
“C’mon Rafe, don’t you want to live in the present?” She badgered.
He tried to grab it quickly, but she lifted it above her head, tossing it to Kelce on the other side of the counter, who tossed it to Topper, and the game of hot potato continued, much to Rafe’s chagrin.
“Y’all are children,” he scowled, sitting back on the stool in defeat.
“Who are you even texting? All your friends are here,” Carter jeered.
“I was looking up directions to the grocery store, seeing as there’s no fucking food in this house besides beer, and apparently pancake mix,” Rafe explained.
“No need,” Topper said. “Tom, Kelce and I are spending the day on the water and we’ll grab some stuff on the way back.”
Carter frowned at the thought of both of your boys being gone the whole day, leaving little to distract you from Rafe. This wouldn’t do.
“No, you can’t go out today, we're having a cookout!” She announced to the room.
“We are?” Kelce scratched his head.
“Yes, we are,” Carter nodded confidently, wrapping her arm around Topper’s waist, which you knew was all it would take to get him to agree. “And mom here is going to grill for us.”
“Oh am I?” Topper asked, eyebrows raised in amusement, not exactly protesting.
“Yes, so someone else will need to go get the food,” Carter continued. You knew her well enough to see that a whole plan was unfolding in her head. “Sissy, why don’t you go?”
“That’s…fine,” you agreed reluctantly, narrowing your eyes at her, trying to figure out her play. “I need someone to go with me though, we’ll need a lot of stuff.”
Carter and Topper smiled in sync, both thinking they’d just come up with the best idea anyone has ever had.
At the same moment that Carter blurted out, “Tom can go with you!” Topper loudly suggested, “Rafe can take you!”
Your lips forming a tight line, you gave them both an exasperated look. Their heads snapped toward each other, eyeing each other suspiciously. Rafe scratched the back of his neck, annoyed at Topper for butting in and hating himself for hoping you’d choose to go with him and not Tom.
Tom, meanwhile, was watching all four of you from the corner of the room, never more confused in his life.
“It’s cool,” he said hesitantly, the awkwardness palpable. “All three of us can go.”
“Fine, but I’m driving,” Rafe stood from his seat. “Can I have my phone back now please?”
He reached his hand to Kelce, who was the last to have it. Kelce panicked, wanting to keep the game going, and tossed it to you. You very nearly dropped it, letting it bounce between your hands but eventually securing it before it fell.
You just looked at it in your hands, then up to Rafe and Tom, searching for any way out of what was sure to be an uncomfortable outing without being rude. You came up with nothing.
“I guess I’ll go get dressed,” you handed Rafe his phone, making Kelce shake his head at you in disappointment.
The hum of the truck’s engine was the only sound in the car for a solid five minutes. You sat in the front seat, Tom having opened your door for you, while Rafe drove. You suddenly couldn’t remember what people do with their hands when they’re not driving. Where the hell do you put your hands? Tom’s voice cut through your internal panic.
“So, uh Rafe, Top says you went to Chapel Hill?” He inquired, sitting forward in the backseat so his head appeared between you and Rafe,
“Still do,” Rafe said curtly.
You looked at Rafe for the first time since pulling out of the beach house driveway. You wanted to ask him why he hadn’t graduated on time, always more invested in his academics than he was, but you were trying to pretend you didn’t care.
“Nice, man,” Tom tried to keep the conversation going. “I applied there, it’s hard to get in.”
“I guess I just hit the books a little harder than you then,” Rafe shrugged.
A scoff escaped you before you had the chance to stifle it. Rafe’s hands tightened on the steering wheel.
“What was that?” Rafe looked sideways at you for a moment.
“Nothing,” you crossed your arms over your chest.
“No, please share,” he prodded. You couldn’t believe he was copping an attitude with you.
“It’s just, I’m sure your last name had nothing to do with your acceptance,” you quipped.
Rafe’s jaw clenched and you smirked in satisfaction, pleased that you had gotten under his skin. Tom’s eyes flicked between the two of you, trying to decipher the vibe.
You were glad he didn’t try to attempt any further small talk. Once you got to the grocery store, you divided the shopping list three ways and split up to your designated aisles. You filled your cart as fast as you could, eager to get this shopping trip over with.
After checking everything off your list, you rounded the corner of the produce section toward the registers, your cart nearly crashing into Rafe’s. His entire shopping cart was filled with alcohol. You laughed at the sight.
“What?” Rafe asked defensively.
“What are the rest of us gonna drink?” You smirked.
“Shut up,” he grinned. “It’s not all for me.”
“Okay but where is the stuff you were supposed to get?”
“It’s under there somewhere,” he mused.
“Sure,” you just shook your head with a smile and kept walking towards the register.
“Shit, wait,” Rafe rolled his cart to you and ran back down one of the aisles.
“No don’t worry about me, I got it,” you muttered to yourself bitterly.
You started pushing both carts but Rafe appeared quickly at your side again.
“Got it,” he breathed, adding one more thing to his cart.
It was a case of Redbull. You shifted on your feet uncomfortably, looking down into his cart. Redbull was his drink of choice in high school, you used to buy him one every day and bring it to him after practice, like a puppy fetching the morning paper. Rafe eyed you nervously, your soured expression leading him to believe you remembered just as well as he did.
“Old habits die hard, huh?” You joked, trying to break the tense moment.
“Yeah, can’t seem to kick that one,” he replied, relieved that you were the first to acknowledge it.
Tom caught up with you at check-out, his cart actually full of the things he was supposed to get. The three of you unloaded your goods to be rung up by a 16-year-old cashier who could not have been more annoyed that you had chosen his register.
Tom jumped in to help bag the groceries, chatting happily with the bag boy as he assisted. Rafe, however, stood there staring at his phone.
After you finished emptying your cart, you watched Tom with a smile while he charmed the grocery store staff. Rafe looked up from his screen with a frown, stomach dropping when he saw that you were watching Tom with an affectionate smile.
“Is that everything?” The cashier asked hopefully.
You were about to say "yes" and also maybe "sorry" when Rafe cut you off.
“No wait, these too,” he reached toward the shelf and grabbed your favorite candy, looking at you expectantly as he handed it to the cashier.
“Your favorite,” he explained bashfully at the sight of your furrowed brows.
“Yeah, it is,” you agreed. “Just surprised you remember. Thanks.”
You looked at him for a moment longer than you should, your eyes lingering on each other’s as you shared another silent memory. You felt a twinge of nostalgia that you knew you shouldn’t.
While you and Rafe looked at each other, Tom pulled out his black card and entered it into the machine. Rafe noticed a moment too late and scrambled to pull his wallet from his pocket, fumbling for his credit card.
“Oh no, hey man, I was gonna get it,” Rafe finally pulled out the credit card he was looking for but Tom was already signing the screen with his finger.
“No worries dude,” Tom brushed him off politely. “You can get me back later this week.”
Rafe was the most competitive person you knew, and the richest, surely he wasn’t going to let another guy pay for everything and walk away. He opened his mouth like he was going to argue with Tom, but with a glance back at you he closed it again. Then he carried as many bags to the car as one person could possibly hold, mumbling something like "multiple trips are for pussies."
Another fifteen minutes of painful silence might just make your head explode, you thought. The second you were back in the truck, the bed overflowing with groceries, you asked Rafe for the aux.
“What are you gonna play?” He sideyed you as he held it just out of reach. You leaned across the console to snatch it from his hands, and he felt pins and needles where your hand had brushed him. He wondered if you realized it was the first time you'd touched each other in four years.
The two of you had always fought over the aux, you’d eventually give in to his pouting and listened to his shitty house mixes and soundcloud rappers.
“Don’t worry about it,” you waved him off with a grin.
Four years ago, you would have been way too nervous to play what you truly wanted to listen to, afraid Rafe wouldn’t think it was cool enough. But now, you pressed play on your go-to playlist with gusto and beamed when your absolute favorite song started booming through his subwoofers.
Rafe tried to keep his eyes on the road, but he couldn’t stop them from dancing back over to you as you sang along happily to your music. You rolled the window down, letting the humid Florida air raise your hair in a wave around you. You giggled and tried to tame it, eventually giving up and letting it whip around your face.
There was something so light about you. Something joyful and at peace. He placed both hands on the steering wheel, trying to ground himself, jealous of your carefree spirit. Whatever intangible thing you had managed to capture in your years apart, he wanted it. And it hit him like a lightning bolt, a bittersweet truth he had fought for so many years - he wanted you.
One song rolled into the next, and Rafe searched for something to say to keep up the almost-friendly banter you had begun in the store, but before he could come up with anything, Tom sat forward suddenly.
“Oh hey I love this song!” Tom informed you.
“Me too!” You turned to smile at him, and Rafe listened enviously as you and Tom chatted about the many favorite artists you have in common the rest of the way home.
The house was quiet when you returned, everyone either taking their daily hangover nap or down lounging by the beach. Rafe’s hands turned white from once again carrying as many plastic bags as he could. You tried not to laugh, and tried not to notice the way his biceps bulged under his tight t-shirt, but you failed at both.
“Are you laughing at me again?” He raised his eyebrows in amusement, placing the bags on the counter. “What is it this time?”
“Sorry, you’re just so helpful all of a sudden,” you pointed out with a smirk.
“Well bag boy over there wasn’t helping,” he nodded towards the patio, where Tom was taking a phone call.
“He said it’s a work call,” you defended him. “He just got a job in New York apparently, a Wall Street thing.
“Whatever,” Rafe mumbled. What he wanted to say was “since when are you two best friends?” but he had already been fairly gruff with you today and he was trying to refocus on his goal of getting you to like him again.
You and Rafe put the groceries away in silence for a while. You tried to find the right way to approach the question you were dying to ask, failing to convince yourself you didn't care about the answer.
“So,” you started nervously. “You didn’t graduate this year?”
Rafe���s shoulders tensed as he tried to make more room in the pantry.
“Nope,” he said shortly.
“Did you take some time off?”
He was torn between being glad that you were talking to him and mad that this was the topic you’d chosen to break the ice with.
“No, I-uh,” he cleared his throat. “I failed a couple classes my first year so I’m still a few credits behind.”
“Oh, I’m sorry,” you said, leaning down to put the ribs for the cookout in the large freezer.
“It’s my own fault,” he shrugged. “I was an idiot back then.”
When you stood from the freezer to grab another rack of ribs, you were surprised to see Rafe standing close, his body looming as he looked down at you.
“I was an idiot before then, too,” he continued, voice low and uncertain.
Everything in your mind went fuzzy as the blood rushed to your face. This was the first time you could smell him, and it familiarity of his scent made you feel like you were being transported back in time. You fought the urge to inhale deeply, greedy for the rush of him filling your senses.
“Before then?” You blinked up at him.
Rafe struggled to find his next words. It took everything in you not to fill in the blanks for him, like you were back in high school slipping him the answers to a test he hadn’t studied for. But this time, you needed him to find the answers all on his own. You swallowed hard, leaving silence for the words he was searching for.
Before he could find them, Topper and Carter came barreling into the kitchen, mid-argument as always. They stopped short when they saw the scene in front of them. Rafe stepped away from you so quickly you could feel a woosh of wind in his wake. It was eerily reminiscent of your teenage years, Rafe separating himself from you as soon as there was anyone around to see you together.
“Everything okay?” Carter asked tensely, noticing the way your shoulders had fallen.
“Fine,” Rafe said, tossing the rest of the plastic bags in the trash and heading down the stairs to his basement bedroom, closing the door firmly behind him.
“Damn, you two did good,” Topper said, admiring the cornucopia of food you’d brought back.
“You three,” Carter corrected. “Tom went too.”
She walked up next to you and lowered her voice, a sly smile on her face, “and how did it go with Tom?”
You didn’t match her playful mood, completely preoccupied thinking about the moment you and Rafe had just shared. Was he about to apologize to you? What would you have let him do if your sister and psuedo-brother-in-law had entered the room just a minute later?
“It was fine,” you said distractedly, closing the fridge and heading upstairs to your room.
Carter turned on her heel and looked at Topper with a frown, shocked to find him beaming back at her.
“What are you smiling for?” She snarled.
“Oh nothing, seems like my plan is working is all,” he grinned. “They were standing awfully close when we walked in.”
“Your plan?” She stepped closer to him, arms crossed. “What are you up to Thornton?”
“Just playing a little Cupid,” he smiled proudly.
“Okay well you can go ahead and put down the bow and arrow, because I’ve already got that covered,” she informed him.
“Really?” He asked in surprise. “I thought you hated Rafe.”
“Rafe? Ew, no, I’m talking about Tom, obviously,” she snapped.
“Your sister and Tom? Nahhh, do you not see how she and Rafe have been looking at each other? It’s so obvious,” he scoffed.
“You know what else is obvious? That Rafe’s still a dick and he doesn’t deserve her,” Carter argued.
“He’s actually grown up a lot,” Topper said, surprising Carter with the serious shift in his tone. “He’s been through some stuff, college hasn’t been easy for him. He could use a win.”
Carter considered this, but it wasn’t enough to satisfy the years of bitterness she held for Rafe.
“Well, he had his chance. He had millions of chances with her and he fumbled every one,” she said.
“I know he did, but under it all he’s a good person. And I think good people deserve second chances,” Topper explained.
“Not when they hurt my sister,” she concluded. “I won’t allow it.”
Topper's eyes creased with his smile as he looked down at her, loving her steely look and pursed lips as she put her hands on her hips.
“You’re still so bossy,” he smiled, sliding closer to her until their chests were nearly touching. “I know we’re supposed to be fighting, but it’s kinda hot.”
He leaned forward to plant a little kiss on her lips, like he’d done a million times before. Carter leaned back, leaving his puckered lips hanging.
“Oh no,” she pushed him back, making him frown. “You don’t get to touch me until you join Team Tom.”
“Nuh-uh! Team Rafe for life baby,” he crossed his arms to match her stance, recovering quickly, more than used to being rejected by her.
She studied him suspiciously, wondering how quickly he’d crack if she actually withheld their inevitable beach trip hook-up. But he didn’t budge, he was as serious about this as she was.
“Fine,” she said. “The game is so on.”
(Chapter 3)
a/n: so tell me... are we Team Tom or Team Rafe?
please note, the taglist for this series is currently closed. For updates, follow @whytheylosttheirminds-works and turn on notifs 💕
#Team Tom#Team Rafe#I accidentally made topper my favorite character oops#rafe cameron#rafe cameron x reader#rafe cameron fic#obx fic#drew starkey#rafe obx#rafe fanfic#rafe fic#rafe cameron x you#rafe cameron imagine#obx#outer banks#outer banks fic#topper thornton#x reader#rafe x reader#rafe cameron angst#rafe cameron fluff
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“Priscilla,” said Anne, in a whisper, “do you suppose it’s possible that we could rent Patty’s Place?”
“No, I don’t,” averred Priscilla.
Priscilla!
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Christina Tiara’s Sissy Favorites!
As you know, I’m a pretty big sissy 💕 so this year I wanted to show you my sissy favorites in hopes you find something new you like!
First up is some of my favorite sissy captions on Tumblr! In no order!
1. @sissymissyxo - Missy’s blog makes me want to fag out with every caption 🫦
2. @celebritytgcaptions Love the longer captioned stories and I’ve submitted to Sissy Confessions multiple times! 🥰
3. @workdatbussy When I’m riding my dildo these are the captions I read! 🥵
4. @megatremendouslysissycollection Has the best gif choice and some of the gayest caps on here! 😋
5. Last but not least all my sissy sisters in @queendestiny6912 Harem. @sissyloren @bambimandi @incognitoelizabeth @goodwitchkylie @andrearose96 @karlie-xox @xxsissycaitlynxx @cutieecassie

I enjoy other Sissy Media too! Here are my 5 favorite Sissy Comics I’ve read! Just keep in mind, my preferences revolve around feminization, degradation and really anything sissy! You can find these on paid sites like Lustomic, but if you google any of these + the word Forum, then you can probably find them for free.
1. Slutistas 1-4 - all four installments are pretty similar. 3 guys are force feminized over night and trained to be sex slaves. 2 are usually traditional hot girls, while the other member of the group has a more extreme feminization. The third transformation can be hit or miss but the other 2 are always great!
2. Sissy Show by Nite Q - Nite Q has a bunch of great comics, with less extreme feminization as something like Slutistas. They definitely nail down the sissy fetish though. ‘Sissy Show’ is the culmination of a bunch of stories and brings the sissies to compete for the title of “Miss Sissy”. I would kill to be in this competition!
3. Kitty Kat Lounge Part 1 & 2 - In part 1 a man is transformed into Brandi the newest Kitten working at the club! In part 2 her friend gets a similar treatment! Working at a club like this is definitely a huge fantasy of mine and this is a great way to experience it second hand!
4. Sissy Porn Star by Victor Serra - Currently this has 3 parts all super hot. Essentially a guy is forced to be a sissy porn star to help him and his wife pay the bills. Really hot art and every sissy wants to be Lollipop! Also would recommend Victor’s Dear Gabby series!
5. Queens by Bea - Bea has made some of my favorite comics from Franny to Sweet Dreams Sissy. Always a big focus on the feminization process which I love! Queens is fun because it shows two sissies, one being feminized by a sweet caring mistress, while the other is feminized by a sadistic mistress! Really hot read with 3 parts as well!
I could talk about comics for hours! But let me know what you recommend!

Next I’d love to talk about my favorite sissy stories or smut! I find most of it on Literotica but open to reading elsewhere!
1. Masculinity Lost by Cdslavejessie - Follows a college guy who is force feminized by his ex gf. Story moves fast and has 36 chapters. Currently ongoing but is very promising! You’ll love it if you like sissy stories focused not only on sex, but on emasculating the sissy!
2. Jack and Jill by Emory Ahlberg - Jack is kidnapped and brought to a secret island to be feminized. Really in depth on the feminization aspect and you really care for the characters. It’s ongoing and has 9 phases with like 15 chapters each. Personally a bigger fan of Nikki in the spin-off Half Sisters but you have to read this first! Technically could be a comic since it has art, but it’s long enough to call a story! Also isn’t on Literotica but Emory has a Patreon (that I sub to) or there’s forums who are a few Chapters behind.
3. College Chronicles by Smutwriter238 - this follows a college freshmen Sam who is transformed into Sami. Really hot sex scenes with one of the hottest guys I’ve ready about in these stories. This hits my feminization kink along with my degradation kink. 20 good length chapters so far!
4. Neighbourhood Terror to Sissy by Fibaro - essentially a guy gets transformed into a sissy by his neighbor. The way he goes about feminizing him is so methodical, it really gives me Trapped and Trained vibes, which is a sissy classic!
5. Big U Cheer Sissies - This is a selfish pick because I can’t find it anywhere anymore, but it was the best sissy story I’ve ever read. A group of freshmen get transformed into cheer sissies and are fucked and feminized beyond belief. If anyone has this story let me know, I miss reading it 😢

Now for the spiciest section! My favorite sissy porn videos! Again if you search the titles you’ll find them! If I link stuff Tumblr will take me down 😅
1. Ella Hollywood Gangbang Sissy - it’s on Spankbank. Ella fucks a ton of guys but what I love is their outfit and how she has condoms full of cum tied to it!
2. Sissy Crossdresser Mariah Love Gets Fucked Raw Uncut - Super hot video! She sucks his bbc so well. I’d give anything to switch places with her!
3. Obedient TS Maid Does What She is Told - Lily Demure is a submissive sissy maid who sucks on command and takes one of the hottest fuckings I’ve seen.
4. Ella Hollywood and Natalie Mars Feminized - love the dynamic of the new sissy being brought home by the mistresses and Natalie wants to proves she’s still the bigger slut.
5. Hailey Doll gets both her holes ruined by BBC - Hailey is supported by her mistress as she sucks and fucks and amazing BBC in the cutest pink outfit!

If you’ve gotten this far, thank you for reading and I hope you can find something you like!! And thank you for all 7,000 of you who follow my blog! Next year I plan on being an even bigger sissy and I hope you come along for the ride!
And if you ever wanted to put a face to the blog this is me 💞 have a great 2025 Sissies!

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'swept away: season two' masterlist
Pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader
Series Summary: Your return to the island for the grand opening of The Parador: Fiji holds even more drama than the first visit. Desire, love, heartbreak, mystery, and luxury await your stay.
Series Warnings: no outbreak au, language, smut (18+ MDNI), food and alcohol consumption, fluff, angst, reader has a rocky relationship with parents, tammy, occasional references to sugar daddy/sugar baby dynamics, past infidelity mentioned, lots of marriage/wedding talk, references to drug use, physical violence - more warnings stated for each chapter
Status: in progress
Sequel to Swept Away
dividers by @/saradika-graphics
Chapters:
Prologue: Two Rings
1: Long Time, No Sea
2: Kokomo
3: Jet Lagged
4: Oh, sugar, sugar - posting March 29
5: In a Tight Spot - posting April 12
6: No Hard Feelings - posting April 26
7: Come Clean - posting May 10
8: Adrift - posting May 24
9: Fresh Start - posting June 7
Epilogue: Wild and Free - posting June 21
Extras:
Moodboard by @iamladyp ❤️
Please follow @punkshort-notifs and turn on notifications for fic updates ❤️
#joel miller tlou#joel miller the last of us#joel miller au#joel miller/reader#joel miller fic#joel miller fanfic#joel miller x reader#joel miller smut#joel miller#joel miller fanfiction#joel miller x you#swept away fic#the last of us hbo#the last of us angst#the last of us fanfiction#the last of us fic#joel the last of us#the last of us
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i ain't gonna sugarcoat it.
#okay but to be serious about my penguin blorbo#firstly: OMG HIIIIII AGENT HIIIIIIIIIII I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT!!#and secondly. we gotta point out the obvious with them#nobody fucking knows agent's true identity. NOT EVEN THEMSELF#and yes to be clear for those who haven't seen this fan series which firstly. please watch penguinronpa it's so good#they have a real name! they just go by their given codename 'agent' as initially they prefer to keep their real name private#but when penguinronpa begins. they kinda have no choice but to go by that codename since they no longer remember that name#keep in mind. this is something that not even fucking danganronpa headmaster monobert knows about so yeah. light's not killing them#agent's true idenity hasn't actually been revealed at this point in the series to be clear. we're still in the middle of chapter 6#but headass. i would still stand by my point that light's never going to figure out this secret agent's name at all probably#obviously. agent is still mortal at the end of the day (despite the plot armor lol). not to mention the shinigami eyes still exist#but unless light is willing to get a secret agency actively pursuing him forever or die at the age of 40 to get a penguin off his dick#then i don't think it will be too much of a problem for them#okay. that's a huge ass thesis on their survivability. but could they solve the case?#i'd say that stand a pretty good chance! as long as they have enough of their given tools from the epf#agent by themself won't be able to intuit the mechanics of the death note. but they would get help from another fellow agent that could!#and that would be gary! gary is a smartass. supernatural enjoyer and inventor. not to mention ghosts exists in the club penguin universe#as well as the other absurd shit that exists on the island that would make a shinigami be slightly less out of place#so agent would definitely have something to help get them closer to figure out this case! like idk a ghost tracker 3000#not to mention the epf isn't a stranger to tracking criminals to find where they currently are. (I.E herbert during psa mission 9)#just like how L was able to track light towards the beginning of death note. albeit not as extreme#and of course. agent being a fangan protag. picked up on solving murder cases very well for someone who hadn't done it prior to the kg#a serial murder case like this would be a jump for them and the epf but i don't see agent being too out of their element here#though of course. the other epf agents would be at risk of dying since most of their names are public knowledge#except rookie. rookie would survive for similar reasons to agent. albeit without the amnesia#agent would have to make sure they're the only epf agent that light knows throughout the investigation#which would probably lead to multiple agents being dead and agent being traumatised to hell and back. just like in the penguinronpa canon#but i still believe agent would be catch and survive by the end because of all the reasons i've listed#i might be overrating them rn but this is my blorbo and i've been thinking about this for least a couple of months now#and i believe they're 'would catch and survive'! :]
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˗ˏˋ My Love Note ´ˎ˗


9 | four stupid letters?

❧ Synopsis | In which Choso Kamo, your asshole of a best friend, starts to change after you get involved with a rather cheeky cashier, Gojo Satoru.
❧ Content | language, heavy sexual tension, a tinge of angst (?), a needy Choso, etc.
❧ Word Count | 4.8k
❧ Pairings | Choso Kamo x f!reader & Gojo Satoru x f!reader.
| Chapters mlist |

——Given that you weren’t the biggest fan of lying to Gojo about your sexual encounters with Choso, you took that one conversation you had with him as a sign. Under no circumstances would you let Choso have his way with you again. Hell, after that conversation, you’re not sure if you even wanted Choso to touch you again.
Now that’s a lot easier said than done but you eventually manage. And by eventually, it’s meant that all it took was a single night of rest for you to wake up the next day and come to your senses.
It was Saturday, which meant that later that night, the Halloween party you’d been invited to would be taking place and you’d be going with Gojo. As such, you woke up rather early and assumed the entire day would go by rather smoothly with little to no surprises.
Unfortunately for you, the day was full of surprises.
· ───────── · ꨄ · ───────── ·
After you prepared yourself for the day, the first thing you did was head to your shared kitchen like always. Since it was so early, you weren’t surprised to find the kitchen empty and the space void of a particularly tattooed man.
The kitchen was relatively clean, safe for the sink full of used glasses and utensils that you noticed as you rounded the island in the middle of the space. Which was just perfect seeing as the only thing you came into the kitchen for was to fix yourself a glass of cold water. Releasing a long sigh as you contemplated washing one cup, you end up scoffing to yourself at the used glasses in the sink and turning for the cabinet.
Now, the kitchen is quiet and still, the only sounds coming from your footsteps as you move around and the shift in the air as you swing the upper cabinet open in search of an unused cup. A yawn leaves your lips while your eyes lazily scan the cabinet space, finding that the only glasses available to you are the ones your stupidly tall roommate decided to place all the way on the highest shelf.
Now you were left with two small decisions; turn back and wash a glass, or strain yourself trying to reach a new one. Seeing as the latter takes less labor, you end up pushing up on your toes and extending your arm up, placing your free hand on the counter to balance yourself as you reach for the glass on the top shelf and closest to the edge.
You take a deep breath as your fingertips graze the cold glass, a sigh escaping your lips at the amount of effort this small task is taking, up until your middle finger grazes the side more firmly and you’re almost sure you’re able to maneuver the glass down. Struggling with that for about a minute longer, you’re soon startled by a very warm presence right behind you.
You could feel the hairs on the back of your neck standing up, a waft of mind-numbing cologne wrapping around your stretched frame and sneaking into your nose, and a firm body pressing into your backside as a larger arm reaches past yours and swiftly swipes that targeted glass up from the top shelf.
You don’t even get the chance to turn your head back and say anything because the glass you’d been reaching for is making its way down and you’re feeling someone’s warm breath at the crown of your ear.
“Mornin’,” Is all Choso purrs in that groggy rich voice of his, tone dripping with a deepness that immediately gives you butterflies and makes your back stiffen up.
Then there’s a hand at your waist and you finally flinch at his presence. It’d been so damn tranquil in the kitchen just moments ago, the room cold and calm before Choso miraculously appeared behind you, making all the lack of warmth in the air null and void as your body went rigid and your heart rate spiked.
“M-Morning Cho,” You end up stammering, letting out a long exhale as you ease down off of your toes, your backside pressing back against Choso a bit more now.
A small hum of acknowledgment leaves his throat and you swear all thoughts of distancing yourself from this man fly entirely out the window at that very moment. Choso brings the glass down completely and places it to the side, leaving space on the counter in front of you. Your eyes simply watch the movement of his hand, unconsciously studying the way his fingers curl around the glass, admiring those scuffs and scratches decorating his skin, and-
“You alright?” Choso rasps beside your ear, making you flinch yet again, “You’re staring at my hands.” He points out bluntly.
Your lashes bat and you shake yourself out of your stupor, turning your head slightly so that you can look him in the eyes. His gaze is low-lidded and met with yours rather quickly, long dark hair loosely framing his face as you take in his naturally sleepy expression.
You gulp, “I’m fine, sorry. You jus’ scared me, that’s all.”
Choso merely tips his head further to the side, eyes narrowing at you before they openly drop down to your lips, “My bad,” He hums rather softly. Then, you catch the way the corner of his lips begins to lift, “I was actually watchin’ you for a minute or two, y’know. I wasn’t gonna come help you at first.”
“What made you change your mind?” You scoff as you raise a brow at the man.
Both of his hands suddenly find their place on your waist and you drop your gaze down immediately, “The thought of me behind you like this,” Choso whispers, bringing his lower lip into his mouth for a moment as he gently pulls your body back to be flush against his.
Your ass is quickly met with his cock straining slightly against the fabric of his sweatpants. You gasp, “Cho-”
“Fuck,” He curses under his breath, lips brushing over yours with how close your face was to his, “You torture me, y’know..” Choso suddenly tells you.
His hips draw back slightly and just as you go to respond, he rolls them forward against you softly, “No, I d-don’t,” You utter breathily, caught off guard by the way he suddenly rubs against you as if he were in heat or something.
Your best friend then cracks a lazy smile, “Yeah ya’ do, you can feel what you do t’me,” He explains while pushing his hips forward firmly, causing you to press against the counter as your body is sandwiched between it and his hips.
After that, the two of you are quiet for a moment and you can feel yourself getting worked up. Choso stares at your lips hungrily like every second without his atop them is killing him on the inside, all as he rocks his hips forward against your ass a few times, leaving you a bit breathy while you keep your eyes on him.
Then, Choso’s lifting a hand up to your throat and tilting his head further, “Look at you,” He hushes out, “You want it jus’ as badly as I do.”
That seems to break you out of your little daze, “Choso, I told you before… I-I don’t wanna have sex with you again.”
He groans and you swear you hear the faintest whine slipping past his lips at the sound of your rejection, “I know what you told me,” He huffs out, “But, are you sure?” As those words leave his lips, his crotch is flush with your rear again and you can feel every inch of him twitching for you.
A sliver of chills slip up your spine and your voice is contrastingly needy, “I’m positive, Cho.”
Choso scoffs, “You don’t sound positive.”
And this is exactly why stopping whatever it is you started with Choso is damn there impossible. Ever since you had sex with him, he’s always like this with you. The unfortunate thing for you is how damn smooth he is with it, it’s not like he makes his intentions painstakingly obvious at first, he just eases into things and it makes your mind go blank every single time.
It always ends up like this with him. Even a few days ago, you went from watching some show with him like you always do to being pinned down on the couch beneath him, panting into his mouth as he ground his aching cock down against you between the layers of your clothes. It didn’t go any farther than that since you knew how to wiggle your way out of those kinds of situations but you can hardly even explain how you ended up in those positions in the first place.
Just like now for example, where Choso’s eagerly rubbing himself against you, whispering to you about how badly he wants you up until the cold sound of your voice makes him freeze against you.
“Choso,” You eventually say, “Stop,” The moment that word leaves your lips, he freezes without question, “How many times do I have to tell you this, huh? I’m not sleeping with you again.”
He’s completely motionless for a moment, letting your words sink into his brain and allowing his disappointment to run throughout his body. Then, he lets out a long sigh and moves his hands. Though, he doesn’t remove his hands from you, no. Instead, your best friend wraps his arms around your waist and his face drops into the crook of your neck, making you jump in slight surprise as he hugs you from behind.
Choso is still very warm behind you but you’ll take this needy hug of his over him humping you like some dog in heat any day because-
“You don’t get it, do you?” Choso whispers against your skin. His lips are slow to glide along your neck, a firm hum of your name leaving his mouth as his voice seems to break with every syllable that leaves him, “I want you so bad.”
Again, you’re left freezing to both his words and his touch, your heart feeling heavy as it sinks a bit within your chest.
Choso kisses all up and down your neck, “All of you,” He continues gently in a low tone while his fingers slip under your shirt, “I don’t know what the hell you did to me but…” He slides over to kiss your shoulder, “I really need to feel you again.”
You let out a shaky little chuckle, trying to make light of his lustful confession, “Looks like I’ve got you whipped, huh?” You tease.
He grins against your skin, “Oh fuck you.”
Smiling, you suppress another laugh, “You really really want to, don’t you?”
Your best friend sighs heavily and you feel his hands begin to slide up. They stop right under your breasts and you notice he seems to be waiting for you to protest. When you do nothing but let out another soft breath of air, he licks a long stipe along your neck and his hands cup your chest fully.
Then he’s in your ear again, “Yeah,” Choso grunts, lightly fondling your breasts in a way that makes you sigh again, “Yeah, I do. I thought I made that clear, no? What part of ‘I want all of you’ didn’t you get, hm?” His fingers shift and he gives your nipples a slight pinch, pressing his lips further against your ear, “Do I need to be more direct than that? Would you rather me to tell you how I want to bend you over this countertop and fuck you til’ you can’t think of anything or anyone else but me? Huh?”
For a second, a really quick second, you almost considered throwing all of your morals out the window and letting him do exactly that. He already had his erection pressed against your ass, his hands were massaging your tits in a way that made you pure putty in his hold, and that stupidly deep voice of his in your ear did not fail to make you shamefully aroused.
“Choso…” You mumble, to which his touch grows softer and he lightly nips at your ear, “We can’t.” Your voice is firmer than it was before and you think he finally gets the hint.
You’re quickly proven wrong when Choso shamelessly whines, “But why? Hm? I’ll stop, y’know I will but, jus’ tell me why.”
Your head tips back against him and your eyes lift to the ceiling as his fingers curve against your breasts and continue to massage each mound in his hand, “You know why… I just can’t, okay?” You sigh.
At that, he seems to finally get it. Although, even if he didn’t, he would’ve stopped either way. His touch is slow to slip off of you and you feel a gush of cold air wrap around your body as he pulls himself away from you entirely, turning to further himself into the kitchen.
You move to fix your shirt a bit, taking a deep breath to collect yourself and then glancing over to him as he makes his way toward the fridge.
Choso lets out a dramatic groan as he swings the refrigerator open and you watch him bring a hand up to scratch the back of his head, “Y’know, you’re awfully loyal to someone you’re not even in a relationship with,” He points out casually.
Your eyes roll at that and you scoff, “Letting you touch me and kiss me does not make me loyal to him.”
Since his back is facing you, you’re unable to see the way your words make him crack an irritated little grin, “Riight, but that’s as far as we can go because that’s so much better than us havin’ sex,” He utters sarcastically, not even giving you a moment to respond to that before he’s speaking again, “But, hey, I’m not gonna force you to do anything with me. Jus’ doesn’t make much sense, y’know? It’s like… what’s he got that I don’t?”
Okay, maybe you’re perceiving things wrong but, if you didn’t know any better—it almost sounded like Choso was… jealous?
Which throws you all the way off because, Choso, jealous? Of what? Gojo? It sounded bizarre just to think about. Hell, so bizarre that it almost made you laugh.
Your moment of processing his question makes the man impatient, to which he glances back over his shoulder at you and cocks an eyebrow, “Hm?”
You snap away from your thoughts and shrug, “He actually likes me as a person and not just for my body.”
Choso deadpans at that statement. You could not be serious right now. “What?” Choso scoffs, his face twisting up into a slight scowl, “I’m sorry, did I miss a few chapters? Since when has our friendship been based or built on me yearning for your body?”
Your words seem to have flown entirely over his head, “That’s not what I’m saying Choso.”
“Then what are you sayin’? Cause’ last time I checked,” He suddenly shuts the fridge and turns around to face you, “Gojo’s been trying to do nothing but fuck you lately.”
His statement makes you frown, “No he hasn’t…”
“Yeah? He hasn’t?” Choso scoffs at your obliviousness, “You think he’ll still wanna be around you after he gets what he wants?”
“Of course he will! Satoru’s not like that-,” As soon as those words leave your lips, you’re receiving a phone call from the man in question, “See? Look, he’s even calling me right now.”
It’s like Choso is rendered paralyzed at the sight of you pulling your phone out of your pocket to answer that incoming call. He’s stuck in a trance watching the way you answer and bringing the phone to your ear, flashing a smile at whatever Gojo had said to you already.
Just like that, all your attention was stripped away from him and he couldn’t believe it. Whatever you were saying went entirely through one ear and out the other because before Choso even realized it, his feet were moving on their own and he was making his way back over to you. Once he stood right in front of you again, you still kept that same smile on your face as you listened to Gojo on the other end but your gaze traveled up to Choso.
Though, your eyes didn’t need to travel too far up because Choso was leaning down to you. Luckily Gojo was doing that thing where he rambles on and on about something without expecting anyone to reply until he’s finished so, the way you go quiet isn’t noticed. Choso leans in close and tilts his head opposite of yours, taking your jaw into his hand and tipping your head up firmly.
He doesn’t do anything but stare at you for a second, to which you soon realize he’s actually trying to hear what Gojo’s saying to you.
“—and then Suguru was telling me about the last party that was hosted by her, the one I didn’t go to, and apparently-,” The sound of Gojo’s storytelling is scoffed at by the man all too close to you right now. A scoff that could’ve even been heard by Gojo if he’d shut up for just a second.
Then Choso focuses back onto you and you could tell by the way his eyes lowered onto yours. “I wonder…” Choso whispers very softly, warm breath fanning over your lips. “I wonder how he’d feel knowing you let me do stuff like this to you,” As his statement comes to an end, his lips are steady to melt onto yours.
And so there you are—on the phone with Gojo Satoru as your best friend Choso Kamo kisses you. The bad thing about this wasn’t even the kiss itself or the fact that Gojo was on the line. It’s the way you let it happen, the way you continue it, the way you kiss back that makes this all so very wrong.
Choso’s gentle against your lips, intentionally moving slowly so that his mouth makes no noise sliding over yours. Gojo’s clueless as he talks and talks (practically to himself at this point) and your best friend tightens his grip on your jaw. You cannot explain why exactly you let Choso kiss you or why you’re even kissing him back right now but either way, one could argue that you actually like this.
You like having these two men want you. This rush of adrenaline that spikes throughout your body as Choso slips his tongue past your welcoming lips almost makes you dizzy. You push against Choso with need and he quickly smiles into the kiss, holding back a laugh at how easy you make things for him.
When his lips detach from yours with a very faint but wet smack, he’s staring deeply into your eyes. Again with a hushed tone so that his voice isn’t picked up by your phone, “Did it mean anything to you?” Choso mumbles.
Your brows twist up and Gojo’s voice is steadily fading out your ears as your attention shifts.
Your best friend pecks your lips again, “That night we had together… Did it mean anything to ya’?” He murmurs, lips moving to say something further but his tone is so soft that you hardly hear what he says. “Do I mean anything to you anymore? Or am I jus’ your friend now?”
You can feel the way your heart churns at that. Your lashes bat and you open your mouth to say something but what comes out makes Choso roll his eyes. “Satoru,” You utter surprisingly, causing the man on the phone to stop mid-sentence with a hum. “Give me uh, one second-“
Choso sees the way you’re only about to mute the phone and out of spite, or maybe jealousy, or some sort of dislike for the guy, he swipes your phone out of your hand and ends the call. Your eyes go all wide and you want to yell at him for that but he doesn’t give you a chance. Your phone is tossed onto the counter behind you and within a second, you’re being lifted up onto that same space.
“Cho-“ You just barely gasp before he’s crashing his lips into yours yet again.
He’s a bit more aggressive now, kissing you like his life depends on it and like he won’t get an opportunity like this again. Then he’s dropping his hands to your thighs and tugging your body to be flush with his, letting you feel the way he’s still hard after all this time, if not harder.
Choso nibbles on your lower lip, tugs at it, sucks on it, shoves his tongue back into your mouth—anything you can think of, he was doing at the moment. You could hear your phone buzzing behind you but when you tried to messily reach back and grab it, Choso moved a hand to yours and pinned your fingers down against the counter. You let out a whine against him and his mind just blanks at that.
His cock was twitching like crazy against your cunt and you were losing your breath by the second. Gasping, “Choso please-,” in between kisses only to be ignored until he feels like prying himself away for longer than one second.
Choso’s panting by that point and the look in his eyes is simply starved. “Answer me,” He huffs out in a demanding tone.
You’ve got this unintentional pout on your face that makes him want to kiss you all over again but he ignores it for the sake of his sanity. “A-Answer what?” You breathe back.
“My question, princess,” He whispers against your lips, “Did that night mean anything to you or not?”
All dazed and confused, your lips are lagging behind in voicing how you feel right now. “I…” Your brows twist up a little, “I don’t know Cho… I just-“
His eyes are so possessive that you can feel yourself shrinking beneath that gaze of his, “Do you not feel that?” He asks.
You blink, “Feel what??”
“This,” Choso purrs with a slow grind of his hips forward. Then he’s dropping his head to the crook of your neck and breathing hotly against you, “Can’t you see you’re driving me insane? If that night didn’t mean anything to you, that’s fine, I don’t give a shit. But come on now, it can’t be just me.”
You’re quiet for a moment after that, allowing his words to soak up into the tensed atmosphere. The only sound is the mixed panting from you two and the continuous buzz of your phone. There’s a beat of silence once your phone goes still and you let out a long sigh.
You couldn’t wrap your mind around what the hell is up with Choso today even if you tried, “What do you mean?”
“I can’t get you outta my fuckin’ head,” He hums, “All I think about is you, you, you, you. It’s killing me.”
It’s almost comical to you at this point—trying to imagine Choso being this clingy after one night with you is rather difficult. So, you roll your eyes and your words leave you softly, “You’re just… saying that.”
“This ain’t proof enough?” He continues, leaving a trail of mushy little kisses down the side of your neck, “What other way do I have to say this—I want you.”
“No, you wanna fuck me,” You correct, “There’s a difference-“
Choso shrugs, “I don’t see why there has to be.”
“Because-“
You’re cut off by your phone starting back up with its buzzing.
“Because what? Ignore that guy for ten fuckin’ seconds, please. Just give me your attention,” Choso pleads as he lifts his head and flashes you with these desperate puppy-dog-like eyes. “Only me. Think about only me for jus’ a second, that’s all I ask.”
You gulp at this sudden change in demeanor, “Choso what’s wrong with you? I know we had sex but c’mon, you’re acting crazy.”
“I’m acting crazy? You kiss me back while you’re on the phone with your ‘crush’ but I’m the one actin’ crazy?” His questions almost come off as harsh but his tone is nothing but tender, “You let me do all this to you but I’m the crazy one??”
A huff slips past you, “Yes! Do you not hear yourself right now?”
He scoffs, “I do. But do you not see yourself right now? Do you not realize the things you do? You say you don’t want me and that you want this to stop but then you do the exact fucking opposite. You glare at me like you hate me and then kiss me like you love me so, tell me, which is it?”
Yet another beat of silence passes as you just gape at him with this dumbfounded look. It’s so odd with Choso, one moment you’re making out with him and then the next it’s whatever the hell this is right now.
All you’re left to react with is a lost mumble of, “What?”
“…Y'know what, fuck it.” Choso lets out yet another scoff and shakes his head. “I don’t even care anymore,” He claims while his hands lift into the air as if he were admitting defeat.
By this point, it’s not even clear whether or not you’re the one being complicated or him. Well, maybe it is clear, just not to you at this moment…
“Choso..” You start off again as you reach a hand out to pull him back toward you.
He avoids your touch entirely and takes a step back, “What?”
“I don’t know what I want,” You explain, “I… I know I like Satoru but-,”
“Yeah, that’s pretty fuckin obvious.” He utters under his breath.
You take that snarky comment of his lightly, “But… I don’t know about you..”
He shrugs, “I mean at this point, what about me? I’m jus’ your best friend that you run to for dick whenever he doesn’t give you any, right?”
Perplexity takes over your features, “W-What? No, I-“
“It’s okay, really,” Anyone with ears could hear from his tone alone that things were far from okay. “I told you I don’t care anymore,” He repeats before shrugging it all off again.
The only thing you can manage to respond with is another, “Choso, please.”
He nods his chin toward your phone, “Call your boyfriend back before he shows up here unannounced again.” Then, he turns away and makes his way out of the kitchen.
“Wait-“
“Oh,” Pausing once he’s just out of the area, “You texted me last night about askin’ me something, what was it?”
“Don’t just change the subject Cho,” You plead with a look of sympathy, “I’m trying to say that-“
“I don’t care,” He cuts off crisply, almost meanly. “What were you gonna ask me?”
You hate it when he does this. It irks you on an entirely deeper level than what you’re showcasing at the moment but, you’ve been down similar roads like this with Choso before and no matter how much you push the subject—once he’s dropped it or moved on, you can forget getting any sort of response from him about it.
So, you slowly look away from him and mumble out that question of yours. “…Do you wanna come to Hori’s Halloween party tomorrow...?”
“Oh, that? She texted me about that a few days ago, but uh..” He moves a hand to scratch the back of his neck in thought, “You know I don’t do parties so, why’re you askin’?”
The air feels slightly lighter now. “She seemed to really like you and asked me to convince you to come so… y’know,” You shrug.
Choso nods, “Oh. Well, I’ll go if you want me to.”
Your eyes carefully dance back over to him and you think about that for a second. You and Choso don’t go to parties together often, you two don’t exactly have the best history with partying together but… Hori seemed like a sweet girl so getting Choso to come would be nice of you, right? Even if that requires making him go for you.
“I do,” You tell him, watching the way his face lights up ever so slightly.
Then, he narrows his eyes skeptically, “You… do?”
“Mhm.”
Choso looks at you for a few seconds longer before nodding in agreement. “Alright then,” He says, turning to head toward his room, “Jus’ remember that.”
“Remember what?” You ask.
Looking back over his shoulder, “I’m only going for you.” Is the last thing he says to you before finally making his full exit off into his bedroom.

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forever (roman godfrey x reader)
WARNINGS: angst, mentions of blood, ANGST (SORRY IN ADVANCE)
summary: nothing will ever be the same again after you've found out what Roman truly is-- you can be sure of that now.
word count: 5,093
PART 1, PART 2, PART 3, PART 4, PART 5, PART 6, PART 7, PART 8, PART 9, PART 10, PART 11, PART 12, PART 13, PART 14
a/n: GOSH I'M BACK! 13 is the lucky number (not). this chapter is a bit shorter than usual, but it's more than enough for this scene... I can't breathe omg. thank you to everyone that has helped me with brainstorming and clearing my mind about this scene, specifically @mentallyscreamingsincebirth who read about 7 different drafts (poor soul), and I'M SO SORRY. SO SO SORRY Y'ALL. ENJOY... tbh that's not the right word, so, good luck!!!
Loving Roman had consequences right from the start.
However, I never imagined it would lead to this.
My hands trembled as I clutched the knife, though I couldn't tell if it was from fear or the sheer weight of the situation. Roman hadn't moved an inch since I'd pointed it at him, but the way he loomed in front of me made every second stretch unbearably long. The silence in the room was deafening, broken only by the faint hum of the fridge-- my breath caught in my throat as he tilted his head, his green eyes flickering with something unreadable, something quiet.
Then, without warning, a slow exhale left his lips as though he was indifferent-- Roman's shoulders slackened, the tension bleeding from his frame as if this entire moment had bored him. And then, just like that, he put his tux jacket on the kitchen island before he turned away.
I flinched at the movement, but all Roman did was step toward the fridge, peeling it open with a lazy sort of ease. He bent down, rummaging through the shelves, shifting the milk aside like I wasn't still standing there, terrified.
I turned with him, still pointing the blade in his direction as my pulse threatened to rupture my ears-- this was the biggest mind-fuck of the century. This night was. My brows drew together as I dared to speak, confusion drowning my anxious words; "What are you doing?"
Roman shrugged. "I have a feeling this is gonna take a while, and I'm really fucking hungry. Do you know how many calories you burn from beating up assholes?" Another sigh followed-- he continued to speak into the fridge as he shuffled through the vegetables; "You're not wearing your dress."
It sounded like a casual remark, yet I knew it was loaded with the intent of getting me to explain myself. The longer I stayed quiet, the more I could hear my heart pound. "I changed,"
"Where?"
"... Here?"
Roman shook his head, remnants of a knowing smirk painting his lips-- it didn't reach his eyes. "I don't think we should be starting this conversation off with more lies,"
His words were chilling. I struggled to find mine. I cleared my throat over and over as my hands got clammy around the knife I had yet to lower; "I don't know what you're talking about,"
"Come on," Roman huffed, rolling his eyes as he straightened up, reaching for the handle of the fridge. When he turned his head to meet my gaze, I felt my breathing knot itself in my chest-- I hated this feeling. I hated being scared of my boyfriend. I hated that I couldn't bring myself to put away the kitchen knife I was still pointing at him. Roman continued; "I've been waiting for you for about... what, fifteen minutes? You didn't change here, and those clothes aren't yours."
Fighting the urge to stay tongue-tied, I snapped; "And you shouldn't have broken into my house in the first place! That's crossing all fucking boundaries!--"
BOOM.
The fridge door slammed shut with a force that rattled the shelves.
I jolted. A sharp, pathetic squeak clawed up my throat before I could stop it. My pulse jumped, breath hitching-- fuck.
Roman had never looked more intimidating; "I see we're past talking about boundaries!" he hissed, glancing down at the knife in my trembling hands. His attempts at containing his anger were cracking.
"Fine," I bit back. "Let's talk about the important piece of information you so conveniently failed to tell me, then!"
Roman blinked. I knew him too well; I could see his mind racing behind those big, beautiful eyes. I shouldn't be looking into them. "The car crash?" he asked, attempting to soften his voice. Something told me he got hopeful that he had hit bingo about the subject, and that he could somehow salvage this; "I'll tell you everything you want, baby. No problem, okay? Where do you want me to start?--"
"Don't fuck with me, Roman!" One of my hands left the knife as my tremble subsided, and I steadied my stance. "Enough!"
Roman's fists clenched, and his gaze pierced mine with rays of ice. It took him some time to let it sink in-- we were about to have this conversation, whether he wanted to or not. We were going to talk about what he was. Despite the horror of the situation, my body filled with a satisfaction unlike anything I had ever felt before; I had pieced it together. I had cornered him. I had caught the liar, and I had done it all by myself.
However, the liar in question didn't want to relent so easily; "This is about Daniel, isn't it? The little shit who confessed he'd get off to snapping your neck in half?"
"It's... What?" My frustration possessed me as I gestured with the knife, exasperated. "No, Roman! It's not that, and you know it!"
Roman let out a quick, icy breath as his fists clenched and unclenched-- deny, deny, deny. "He had it coming," he breathed. "I don't get why you're holding a knife at me for giving that guy what he deserved!"
"That's not why I'm!--"
"You think I went too far?" Roman scoffed, shaking his head in disbelief. Deny, deny, deny. "You think I should've let him walk away after hurting you, is that it?"
This was beyond frustrating now. It was infuriating, actually. Roman's dismissal of the real topic of concern drove me into a state I hadn't been in before; it almost made my vision go red. Then, it took me a second to realize my vision was blurring because of more causes than one-- with tears pooling in my eyes, I watched as Roman continued his angry rant;
"I don't get you! Why the fuck are you pulling a knife on your boyfriend for protecting you?! I was the one who saved you, I was the one who made sure you got the revenge you deserved, and what do I get in return? That terrified look on your fucking face?!"
Roman was yelling now.
Yelling.
I kept telling myself he didn't mean it, that he was simply anxious to face the truth that I knew his biggest secret, but... now that I knew what he was, it only made me grip the knife harder. What if he suddenly pounced at me? What if he got so overcome by anger that he lunged my way out of pure instinct?
I flinched when Roman raised his hands, yet I let out a shaky breath of relief when they went to his hair, ripping at the tips of his brown locks in frustration; "I have done everything to protect you! I-- I messed him up, okay, but!--"
Enough. "Protect me?! You think this is protection?!"
The panic Roman had painted across his face for sympathy got wiped away the second I raised my voice too. His act wasn't working. His distractions weren't working. Nothing was. "It is," he hissed.
"No!" The tears that had welled in my eyes threatened to spill. "You should've left me alone the second you started feeling anything for me! That would've been protection, that would've mercy!"
Roman closed his eyes and sucked in a sharp line of air-- "Don't say that," he breathed. "You're crossing the line."
"Crossing... the line?!"
"You are," he continued, blindly gesturing at the knife. "Point your knives, call me whatever, say all the shit you want, but not that. What we have is damn near holy to me, so keep that out of your mouth."
I had half the mind to throw the knife at him. Enough was enough, I couldn't stand it anymore; "You're insane!" I yelled. "You're batshit crazy, and you're out of your fucking mind if you think that you were protecting me all this time! You've only put me in danger!"
Roman's eyes widened with offence. "I have not!--"
"You urged me to slice my hand in front of you, and you sucked my fucking blood that time you decided you wanted to blood-bind us or whatever the fuck those vials were for! How dare you put me in that situation when you know what you are?!"
Silence.
In the void of sound we had created, I could hear a light tapping against the windows-- it was raining. Outside, the grass was given the opportunity to grow. At this very moment, flowers all around were watered with new energy for life; yet here I was, being drained of all of mine.
Roman's face twitched with multiple emotions, unable to decide which one to settle for as he lowered his gaze. Had he ever prepared for this moment? I wondered if he had. I wondered whether he had ever laid in bed at night, riddled with guilt and the weight of the world, and whether he had ever thought about coming clean. Had he thought he could get away with it, that I would never find out?
Finally, Roman opened his mouth; "I..."
It didn't take long before it shut again.
A shaky breath escaped me when I realized my knuckles were going white around the knife. I was about to say something, maybe even dig deep into my soul to search for words of comfort; yet when Roman's eyes fully focused on mine again, I felt my whole world freeze over.
Roman's pupils widened, fixating on me as though I was prey, a big deer in the wilderness. He knew the act was up, that the game was over, and instead of facing it, he fixated on the one thing he felt he could still control. His words came out with a low growl; "You have something of mine,"
... What?
He took a threatening step forward.
My breath hitched; I readied my brain for possible combat.
"The vial," Roman hissed. "Where is it?"
Another step.
"It's mine. If this is how you want to do this, I want it back,"
Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. "Back-- Back off!--"
With Roman's next step, my body tensed up with the realization that he was speeding up--
It was now or never.
With a shriek, I tossed the knife in his direction out of pure fear, and ran out of the kitchen as my screams emptied my lungs. The pounding of my heart filled my ears as I heard the clashing of pots and pans, possibly the sound of Roman jumping over the kitchen island to get to me, and it only made me panic more.
He called out my name, a yell of rage, as I made it past the living room and into the hallway.
I was running for my life.
I was running for my life.
A ragged scream tore from my throat as I snatched the nearest object, a flimsy umbrella, and flung it behind me without looking. It didn't matter. He'd dodge it. He'd always dodge it.
Tears burned down my face, blurring the steps ahead as I bolted up the stairs. My chest heaved, my legs burned, but I pushed-- pushed like my life depended on it, because it did.
I was going to die, wasn't I?
This was it.
But for a second, a stupid, desperate second, my brain tricked me; maybe I could make it? Maybe I could outrun him? Maybe, maybe I could get out of this alive?
I chanced a glance over my shoulder--
Roman wasn't there.
My heart stopped. Relief slammed into me so hard that my knees nearly buckled.
Too soon.
I saw it too late-- the flicker of movement at the edge of my vision.
Roman's hand, appearing at the top of the banister.
He hadn't run up the stairs. He'd jumped. From the first floor to the second in a single, monstrous leap.
A scream ripped from my throat as he vaulted over the railing, his body a blur, his weight crashing into me before I could even think to run.
My back hit the ground hard, but before I could even feel the pain, something else registered.
His hand. Between my head and the floor, cushioning the blow.
My breath stuttered, my body locked in pure terror as I fought, thrashed, pounded my fists against his chest-- but it was useless. He didn't budge.
My heartbeat was a deafening drumbeat of panic; I wasn't getting away. I wasn't getting away.
I wasn't getting away.
Then, Roman grabbed my hands and slammed them to the floor, pinning me down with a groan. His voice was sharp, teetering on the edge of control; "Stop it!" he yelled. "Stop fighting! I'm not going to hurt you!"
I squeezed my eyes shut, the tears still coming. I didn't believe him. I couldn't believe him.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?!" he continued. "Since when do you throw knives at me?!"
I kept trying to kick him off. It didn't work. Nothing did.
Roman's chest heaved above mine, his grip tightening before he seemed to catch himself-- his fingers loosened just slightly. His voice dropped, a thread of disbelief woven through the frustration. "You're really afraid of me, aren't you?"
I let out a quiet sob, unable to speak.
Roman's breath shook, his head tilting as if seeing me for the first time. He exhaled through his nose, but his next words wavered; "After all this time... you really think I could hurt you?"
Something in his voice made me pause. He wasn't just angry anymore, he was... wounded.
"After everything?" he breathed. His fingers curled around my wrists, but this time, they trembled.
I didn't answer. I couldn't.
That silence, that awful, confirming silence, broke him. Roman's expression crumpled as he clutched my wrists like a lifeline, his breath uneven. The anger drained from him in an instant, replaced by something desperate, raw, broken.
"You're breaking my heart," he breathed.
The words shattered between us.
I stilled, my own heartbeat stammering.
In the muted space of my lack of words, Roman let out a quiet, shuddering laugh, his green eyes glossing over. "Letha told you, didn't she?" His voice cracked, barely above a whisper; "You're wearing her clothes, and you kinda smell like her expensive incense for crazy people. Don't tell me she performed some ritual on you?"
I swallowed hard. Telling him the truth felt dangerous; I needed to protect my last ally, didn't I? "No," I whispered. "No rituals. There was no Letha. I figured it out by myself... I-- I read a book." At least there was some truth to what I was saying.
Roman uttered something between a scoff and a choked breath, shaking his head. His lips curled, but there was no humor in it. "All by yourself?" he muttered. "That's my girl."
Acid filled my next words, overcome by emotion; "You left me no choice,"
"I didn't?"
"You didn't,"
"That's nonsense," Roman mumbled. "We could've avoided all of this. We could've had a few good years with you in the dark."
His face was too hard to read. His expressive eyes were so cold and hard with his conviction-- he really believed that, didn't he? "Years?" I whispered. "With me... in the dark?"
"Yeah," Breathless. He was breathless. "A decade, maybe."
It didn't take me long to piece it together. It would take a decade until he looked considerably younger than me. Would he have let me in on his secret then?
"That wouldn't have been enough," I said, choking back my tears. "I wanted a whole life with you, Roman."
His next inhale was shaky, yet quick-- finally, he could be sure that he had lost. "So you... you really know, now?"
I knew.
I knew.
And I could barely speak it; "That you're a upir? Yeah,"
Roman had yet to let me go. "Fuck..." he breathed, nodding to himself. "There goes that."
There it goes.
All the stolen glances, all the kisses, all the joy, all the love.
It was draining the life out of the both of us. "I'm not going to ask you to forgive me," Roman tried. "But can I at least... please have the vial?" His voice broke at the end of his sentence, and he bit down on his bottom lip to keep it from quivering.
My words came out with a tremble; "I-- I threw it away. It was affecting you horribly, and I don't want that for you... I don't want you to be in pain, Roman, despite everything you are,"
He sucked in a sharp breath, his whole body locking up as if my words had just stabbed into him. "I'll have nothing of you, then?" His voice was barely there, so fragile it made my chest ache. "When you leave me, I'll... I'll have nothing?"
I blinked. When I leave?
Was he... planning to let me go?
"You're breaking my heart," Roman echoed, his shoulders trembling as he let go of my wrists to cradle my face in his hands.
The touch nearly made me flinch. Had I not been so intent on my survival, I would've pushed him away with a shudder. I didn't want him touching me, not now that I knew who and what he was, yet I endured it for the sake of my life.
Roman's grip faltered as he watched me fail to hide my fear, and his fingers trailed to my cheeks as he took in the look on my face.
"I can never trust you again," I whispered. "Never hold you, never kiss you... Not now that I know what you are."
Roman's fingers slowly brushed over my cheek, shaking. "But... it was supposed to be you and me," he breathed. "Forever."
Forever.
The word sent a sharp ache through my ribs.
Roman's eyes shut, his face twisting with something too deep to name. "I know I should've stayed away..." A shuddering inhale. "I should've just kept on being miserable."
I choked down a sob; "Rome," I whispered. What else was there to say?
The nickname hit him like a bullet. Roman's voice was rough when he dared to speak; "I wasn't supposed to feel like this for anyone... That was my one rule," He pulled back just enough to look at me. His eyes were bloodshot, and his jaw was tight like he was forcing the words out. "I don't know when it happened, and I don't know how it happened, but I woke up one day and realized that I-- fuck!"
Overcome by his emotions, Roman let out a sharp, bitter laugh; "I didn't want this, okay? I didn't-- God, I didn't fucking want to feel anything for you at all! I didn't want us to ever happen in the first place!"
The words should've hurt. They were meant to hurt, why else would Roman say them? But the way he said them, so wrecked, so lost, made my heart ache instead.
Roman exhaled hard, tilting his head back like he was trying to keep it together. "You have no idea how much I fought feeling anything for you... You have no idea how many times I told myself that it was nothing, that it would go away, and that you were just!--" He stopped, his breath hitching. "That you were just some meaningless girl, something temporary, a distraction at most, and not!--"
He didn't say it.
He couldn't.
Not yet.
"And I--" Roman stopped, like the next part physically hurt to say. "I should've told you about this, I should've told you who I am. You deserved that much, and I tried, I swear! I-- I wanted to. But every time I got close, every time I thought, this is it, tell the fucking girl, be a man, I'd look at you and-- and I got scared."
Finally, I could be sure the world was going under. The notorious Roman Godfrey was scared, and even worse, admitting to it.
"Because if I told you, you'd leave!" he said, voice raw with pain. "And I couldn't-- I can't!--" He was shattering right before my eyes, shattering into a million pieces. "Fuck, you have to understand! I didn't keep it from you to hurt you, I kept it from you because I'd lose everything!"
Roman swallowed hard, and in the smallest, quietest voice, he whispered; "I never, ever wanted to lose you. Nothing else matters like this, I-- I love you too much to function,"
Silence.
Thick. Suffocating.
Roman Godfrey... loved me?
He loved me.
Roman loved me.
And here he was, looking down at me with those big, pleading, green eyes like it would fix everything. Like it would fix the fact that he could kill me within a second. Like it would fix his blood-thirst.
"Please," he breathed, heartbroken with my lack of response. "You're not saying anything. Please say something."
All the times I had sensed something was wrong and convinced myself I was crazy rushed through my mind, clouding my shock at Roman's confession. It was torturous how he had let me remain in the dark for so long. Was that love, or was that selfishness?
I knew the answer.
"That's not love, Roman," I whispered. "That's fear."
His face fell. "No," he tried. "Don't-- Don't say that, it's not--"
"You say you didn't tell me because you didn't want to lose me, but what do you think this is? What do you think is happening right now?" My voice wavered, heat rushing to my face. "You talk about love like it's this big, tragic thing you had no control over, but you chose to lie to me above all else! You chose to put me in danger every time you were ever near me!"
I pushed against his chest, my body trembling with the force of my anger; Roman could've easily stayed put, could've easily kept me pinned to the ground, yet he relented, his eyes wide with hurt as he allowed me to push him away and sit up.
"You let me walk around and doubt myself for months, Roman! You let me drive myself crazy, trying to understand what the hell was wrong with me and why I was even doubting you, when this whole time-- this whole time, you were lying to my face!"
Roman ran a hand through his hair, looking wrecked. "What did you want me to do?!--"
"Anything but this, you fucking asshole!" I shoved myself off the floor, feeling my heart pound. "And you don't get to look at me like that, like I've wrecked your life! You don't get to act like this is just something sad that happened to us when this could've been prevented all along if you'd just stayed the fuck away!"
"That's not fair!" Roman yelled through the tears welling in his eyes. "You were basically throwing yourself at me!--"
"And you shouldn't have let me!"
"Come on!" Desperate, Roman reached for me, but I jerked away so fast that I nearly tripped.
"Don't!" My voice cracked, but it didn't matter. "Don't you fucking touch me, how dare you!" Every nerve in my body was screaming at me to tell him that I loved him too, that we could find a way to make it work, that I would always love him no matter what... but Letha's warnings ran through my head.
She had told me he was dangerous. She told me about his urges, how he would forever be hungry for blood, and that I risked my life every minute I was near him. Letha explained how Roman could hear the heartbeats of everyone within a certain radius, and that every thump reminded him of how hungry he was.
But now, as I looked into his hurt eyes, I could only see...
Pain.
I couldn't look at him anymore. I couldn't hurt him any longer, as Letha said I needed to do-- I had to move. Roman's voice was a faint echo as I started taking shaky steps toward my bedroom; there was no chance I'd outrun him if he wanted to chase me again, so I walked. It didn't take long before I heard him scrambling up from the floor as well, following me into my room.
I could feel him behind me when I stepped inside.
The door clicked shut.
My heart pounded, and I knew he could hear it. I knew.
"Baby--"
"Don’t," I breathed, stopping in the middle of the room before I turned around to face him. Even at this moment, he was beautiful. He was breathtaking in his shirt, even though his previously neat hairstyle had fallen apart with all the running and struggling. How was this fair?
I heard the shift in Roman's breathing, and how he tried to swallow the desperation in his throat. "You’re scared of me,”
I squeezed my eyes shut. "Yes,”
"You don’t have to be," he whispered. "I would never--"
"I do,"
A sharp, broken exhale. He took a step closer, daring to get in my personal space, and I flinched before I could stop myself.
Roman froze.
Silence. Again.
And then--
He dropped to his knees.
I gasped. His hands clutched the fabric of my shirt, Letha's shirt, his forehead pressing against my stomach like he was praying to me. His breath was shaky, his fingers curling and uncurling as if he didn’t know whether to hold me or let me go.
"Please," His voice was wrecked, hoarse with unshed tears. "Please don’t do this."
I stood frozen, my hands shaking at my sides. I wanted to cradle him, wanted to sink down to the floor and hold him, but I couldn't move.
Roman pressed a kiss to my stomach, then another. Then my ribs. Then my hip. A desperate, reverent kind of touch. Not to seduce, not to possess-- but to beg.
"I love you," His voice cracked, his lips ghosting over the fabric of my shirt. "I love you so much, I can’t-- fuck, I can’t lose you!--"
"Roman--"
His body shuddered against mine, his fingers twitching where they clung to me, like if he just held on tightly enough, none of this would be real. "I can control it," he pleaded. "I swear, I swear, baby, please!--"
I swallowed hard, my throat tight. I wanted to believe him so bad, wanted to relent, yet Letha's voice echoed in my head; "He will hurt you,"
"I won’t hurt you," he choked out, contradicting my every thought. "I’d rather die."
My breath hitched as my hands trembled, longing to reach for him. I pressed my lips together, trying to force down the sob rising in my throat; "If you don't want to hurt me, you-- you have to leave. You have to let me go,"
Roman's fingers clutched the fabric of my shirt as he shook his head, a frantic, shattered movement. No, no, no. "I don’t want to," His voice was raw. "Don’t make me. Please don't-- please don't make me."
I squeezed my eyes shut. Don’t look at him. Don’t look at him. "Roman..."
He knew he had lost. It was over. There was nothing more to say. Slowly, painfully, he pulled back, looking up at me with wide, devastated eyes, silent tears streaking his face. He pressed one last, trembling kiss to my hip.
And then--
Roman let go.
He pushed himself up onto unsteady legs. Stumbled back, one step, two.
Heavy.
Everything was, until I felt the relief of his eyes leaving mine. It felt like the weight of his attention lifted a ton from my shoulders. But the momentary solace quickly left me when I watched Roman's gaze shift--
He stilled.
The change was instant. His entire body locked up so tight it was like something inside him had snapped. His breath came shallow, his shoulders rising and falling in sharp, stuttered movements. His fingers flexed and curled like they didn’t know what to do.
I followed his line of sight with my breath catching in my chest, and my stomach dropped when I saw what he was looking at.
The book.
That fucking book.
The Avoidable Vampirism - The Upir.
It lay there on my nightstand, its pages still open, marked by the frantic creases my fingers had pressed into them over and over again. There was no hiding it now.
With a sharp turn, I glanced back at Roman with huge eyes, wondering whether anger would take over his body and trigger him to chew me to death. But alas-- nothing.
Roman didn’t move.
He just stared. His lips parted slightly, his lashes fluttering as he blinked through the tears in his eyes, but he didn’t speak. I could see it, the way the pieces started clicking into place in his mind, how the dots connected in a way that destroyed him.
Finally, we both knew it was over.
Then--
Defeated, Roman turned away.
It was sudden, almost violent, the way he ripped himself away. He staggered toward my window, one hand swiping at his face as he smeared his tears into his skin, his breath a sharp, hollow sound. His entire body shook like he was barely keeping himself together, like the second he stepped outside, he would completely break apart.
Roman reached for the window.
Shoved it open.
But just for a second, he hesitated.
For a second.
For me.
He waited.
He was begging me to say something, to stop him, to tell him he didn’t have to go.
But I didn’t. I couldn't.
So, Roman climbed through the window I had snuck him in through countless times. We had shared countless kisses there; kisses of passion, kisses of joy, kisses goodbye, kisses hello. But now, there would be no more.
With one final look back, his green eyes seared into mine with a look I would never forget.
And then--
Roman Godfrey was gone.
I stood there for longer than I'd ever admit to anyone, staring at the empty space he'd left behind, waiting for him to come back. I could still smell him-- the deep cologne and the faint, metallic tinge of blood clinging to my shirt where he'd been pressed against me just minutes ago. It was Daniel's blood, a trace of what had happened earlier tonight. I couldn't believe I had been happy just a few hours ago. A few hours was all it took to unravel everything.
It was like he had left a ghost of himself behind--- something half-alive, something that would never quite let go of me.
Nothing but the sound of my own breathing filled up the room. It sounded too loud, too shaky. My fingers drifted into my pocket without thinking, curling around the cold glass buried there.
The vials clinked together as I rolled them between my fingers-- his blood, my blood, trapped inside two fragile little prisons, always touching but never quite meeting.
I brought them to my lips, squeezing my eyes shut— I could never get rid of them. Never.
If I crushed them right now, if I just closed my fist and shattered them into a thousand tiny shards, maybe this whole nightmare would shatter with them? Maybe I would wake up and he would still be here, begging me not to send him away? Maybe I could've made a different choice? Maybe he would wrap his arms around me again and swear that he would never hurt me, and maybe this time I would believe him?
But I didn't crush them-- I couldn't.
Instead, I pressed the glass harder against my lips until I tasted the salt of my tears on the rim.
At least in this form, we could be together.
Forever.
(a/n: ... sorry not sorry. this was heartbreaking to write, believe me. but this isn't the last chapter, that will be the next, and y'all are in for a RIDE!! thank you so so much for reading this, aaaand just quick psa, I will not be compensating anyone for their possible need for an ambulance or any funeral services cause I'm obv evil:))) JK MWAH🥹🌸 THANK YOUUU<333)
here are all the chapters!<3: PART 1, PART 2, PART 3, PART 4, PART 5, PART 6, PART 7, PART 8, PART 9, PART 10, PART 11, PART 12, PART 13, PART 14
loveliest taglist of all time:
@mentallyscreamingsincebirth @putherup @corawithfanfiction @vladsgirlxx
@iamaslytherin0 @sexualparkour @the-universe-is-complicated @heavenly-bratt
@lafemme-nk @namiusedbubble @useyourwandbro @strmborns @literally-lani
@virgosapphire79 @star-girl-04 @veyzus @ddipotassium @pecxiebu
@mil88691 @iloveyoutodeathbutimdrowning @katifefe @sn0wybowie-blog
@lilithskywalker @likecherriesinthespring @sadheartjellyfish @vadersangel
@shehangsbrightly @burningmiraclekingdom @dollforaswan @austinswhitewolf
@nico-velvet @shiiiii-okayyyy @theantagonistalwaysdies @blackbluerose666
@obexes @rosecoloureddudez @amoure020 @itsaeasykill
@succubustacy @carmillavalentine @scarledy @chaneloberlin62727
@belovedmoony @lokitargaryen @vienneviennaxx @ellie1725
@taintandviolent @sweatyconnoisseurstrawberry @amidthechaos
#roman godfrey#hemlock grove#roman godfrey x reader#x reader#bill skarsgård#fanfiction#oneshot#bill skarsgard#angst#fanfic#highschool!au#hemlock grove fanfiction#oh my god what have I done??#WHAT HAVE I DONE????#PLS ROMAN I'M SO SORRY#AND FFS LETHA ISTGGG#OH WELL#like..... why am I pissed at them when I make them do all of this#oh well#FUCK THIS WAS SO SAD TO WRITE#and it took me a millennia omfggg#SORRY
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THE ISLAND LOOKOUT MASTERLIST: - (smau & irl au) childhood bsf!rafe cameron x thornton!reader
general masterlist ; taglist

chapters
smut - ★ implied/sugested smut or fluff - ☆
intro - part 1: how it started - part 2: introductions - part 3: rumors - part 4: bonfire debrief - part 5: 2 to function - part 6: oops - part 7: the cut - part 8: stop being weird - part 9: midsummer suit ☆ - part 10: get a room ☆ - part 11: midsummers! - part 12: after ★ - part 13: his room ☆ - part 14: confrontations - part 15: still silent
their social media pages
- kooked.out, rafe, topper, roni, and sarah's instas - the pogues instas
synopsis
topper thornton, sarah cameron, rafe cameron, and yn thornton (aka roni, which is what everyone knows her as) have ruled Figure 8 since day one. Known as the "Kook Royals," their families own the island’s top development company, making them the ultimate elite. But they didn’t start their joined instagram, kooked.out, to flaunt their status. What began as a way to document their carefree lives quickly went viral, drawing fans from beyond the island. They were never A-list celebrities—just teens living their lives, but as their popularity grew, so did the rumors. The real shift wasn’t them—it was how others treated them. Roni and Sarah began exploring a new side of life with the Pogues, and their friendships with Rafe and Topper got complicated. Love lives, rumors, and gossip—thanks to Island Lookout—started to change everything. Roni and Rafe’s friendship turned into something more, and suddenly, their carefree world wasn’t so carefree anymore.
#island lookout :cambankromyy#rafe cameron#rafe#rafe smau#rafe cameron smau#obx#outerbanks#outer banks#rafe cameron x reader#obx smau#rafe cameron smut#rafe smut#rafe cameron fluff#rafe fluff#thornton!reader#topper thornton#bsf!rafe cameron#childhood bsf!rafe#sarah cameron
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