#the intimacy of giving someone a tattoo (am I right?)

[lilacstro]

"I'll imagine we fell in love, i'll nap under moonlight skies with you"🌙 pac: what does your forever person look like<3

hey y'all, I hope you're fine. It's been a while since I posted a pac, so here we are. I love love love this song, its so beautiful. I hope you play this song after this if you don't know this one, I am sure you'd not be disappointed ;)

support me on ko-fi

Paid readings open

★Pile 1★

mini energy check: ok pile 1, it seems like you may be introverted, or maybe just isolated currently. that was one thing that was coming through. You may have been waiting for this person for forever or quite sometime now is one more thing coming through. It may feel delayed, setbacks or something may always come in between.

Physical appearance: This person may be asian, especially east asian?? or they may have monolids. For others, they may also have tattoos, a very lively yet intimidating face? Something about them may want you to reach out to them but also scare or intimidate you at the same time. This person has something very bright, very noticeable, almost as if you can recognize them in a big crowd. They may have a young, innocent face, bedroom eyes and an athletic body, if not necessarily muscular. Gives me boy next door vibes speaking of which there is maybe a band called boynextdoor and they are japanese? if I'm right? because Japan was coming a lot in this reading, maybe they have really good fashion sense.

Their personality, vibe and energy: They are likely to be ambiverts, someone who has bursts of energy. If we talk about MBTI, they may be the turbulent types. Idk why but Leo Mercury coming through as well. This person would be all over the place, I am hearing, "everything, everywhere, all at once" and then get tired. They have a child like spirit and curiosity to them. They may also have trouble concentrating for long hours, and may get disappointed if they are not able to do 173920 tasks that they wanted to. They are a leader, and like to lead people, take responsibilities and learn and do many new things, but at the end of the day, behind all this energy and hype, there is a silent, introspective soul. Extremely aware, to a point where they may even get into an almost meditative state, feeling their pulse. I am hearing, "going numb", so this person may often feel incomplete, or unhappy inside despite having all.

your relationship with them: your relationship with them may take some time to bloom, but be assured, it would prosper long term. This may likely be because of how aware and introspective this person is, but once they decide that you are the one, they become "the man", the person you want and need. Extremely emotionally available. They are not the types who would play mind games with you. This person will show you the real intimacy. I am hearing "talking hands", this person either may love tarot? or other forms of divination? but mostly they would stand on their words and prove them with actions. There would be beautiful merge of feelings, and intellect and communication. Words of affirmations, you'd never feel lonely or unloved with this person. Just how a flower blooms slowly, you would open up to this person and this relationship would progress in its time, there is no force other than the one of nature.

★Pile 2★

mini energy check: some of you guys here could be breaking out a lot? or maybe feel itchy? There can also be some kind of discomfort in the body, as in feeling restless or just uneasy? You may feel extra cautious towards your skin, food and body these days. Korean skincare coming through??

Physical appearance: This person looks mature, and reserved and would not like attention to themselves. A sharp jawline. Scorpio and Capricorn may be significant in their chart or they may have such intense features. They may like wearing black a lot, especially flowy clothing. A tall, intimidating stature, idk why but I am hearing this person looks like an anime? yandre? I am so sorry I am not aware about anime or anything, but all I can say is this person looks mystifying and intense.

Their personality, vibe and energy: This person may be rather reserved and may not present their cards on the table for everyone to see. They may like to have different ways and personalities to deal with different kinds of people. This person is not a leader tbh, more like an owner, a boss, an authority figure. I am hearing "I own it". This person may even have nervous energy inside them but you would never guess. Some people may find them shallow, but they just do not reveal themselves to anyone just like that. Its hard to know them. This person is a visionary, a creative and full of ideas though. There can be an irritable, erratic, and elusive nature them sometimes, especially when it comes to their work, they are serious. They may have built their way to the top to what they have. Extreme hardworkers. They cannot be bossed around tbh. They may enjoy nature a lot.

your relationship with them: Your relationship to them is a breath of fresh air. This relationship would heal you, unwind you to your core, and help you let go of any past traumas you've had. This person gives me total "book bf" vibes, because they would love you like no other. I am hearing "kiss me on the mouth, and love me like a sailor". This person is a total softie for you tbh. This relationship would be incredibly healing, and your love would be more than valued and reciprocated. For some of you, this person would have to manage stuff between their job/studies and you, and be assured they would. You guys may see each other in dreams a lot, a lot of closeness and intimacy. You both would complete each other tbh. This relationship may very well be a past life, incomplete love story kind of romance. Your world would feel like full of warmth and sunshine after you meet this person. You guys may also enjoy doing art, or exploring art and music together. You both would bind each other down for good. idk why am i hearing "whispers in your ear" lmao. I am also hearing "mother at first sight"? Maybe the envision a family with you or you may remind them of a mother figure, or you may fill that space in them through your love. This person sees you as divine, almost like a goddess.

★Pile 3★

mini energy check: you guys maybe the eldest in your house? or may be really bossy, unwilling to listen to someone or work under someone as such. A lot of independent, masculine energy. Tbh you guys may be the one who know this song at the very least if not like it a lot. Its giving me the vibe of "I am a strong independent women who need no one but a cute guy would be nice idk" lmao. You guys may have recently completed something and some of you may also have started to embrace themselves, take your mask off, do self help stuff, and impose healthy boundaries recently. Some of you here really need to give your ears a rest if you use headphones lmao

Physical appearance: Some of you here may have already met this person, whether it be that they are friendzoned or you are dating them, there is no ex energy here and if this isn't your case then ofc you haven't met them yet. You guys may also have been attracted to pile 1, and 2 as well? or may have hard time choosing. This person looks really young, like really young. For some of you this person may also look androgynous, but really beautiful and charming. They may also have an innocent look onto them or something. A very "pure" looking person. A glowing face, charming presence. I am seeing bruno mars for some reason? This person also may not be super tall or something but rather a bit short if not "too" short or something. A very beautiful face, both the genders may find them appealing tbh. Very well could have Moon or Venus or both in 1st house. May have long, untamed hair as well. Some of them may also have that "jazz bar" look. Good body proportions but may usually stand with crossed hands or some protective look.

Their personality, vibe and energy: This person does not like drama and conflict. I was already getting a Libra vibe from them in the physical appearance check. They are also brave, very consistent and someone who would never give up, even on you (aw). They are the perfect mix of a mom and dad energy, they would fight and protect, everyone, including their friends and family. This person may also be super stubborn and defensive sometimes, especially when its about someone or something their emotions are tied to. A big homebody kind of person. This person would not hide a lot from anyone and would most likely be up for a conversation most of the times, extroverted energy coming through. They may even study philosophy, I almost said "philanthropy"? So they may even have some kind of connection to that? Could be because this person is extremely giving, to a point where there is no energy or time left for them. They are the friend people call at 3 am lmao.

your relationship with them: This person first of all may like grand gestures of love, serenading you for example or telling you how much they love you, whatever it is. This person may have STRONG scorpio kind of energy with you. Almost like they would merge you, two souls in one, and not let anyone lay their eyes on you, to an obsessive level. May get jealous easily. You guys would be very coherent and very emotional, both of it, in extremes. This would transform you honestly, this person and relationship, both. Your ancestors may lead you to this person. There is an energy of "I ain't letting you go" and "you got me fixed on you" lmao. This person would be your guide and love through the toughest times of life, maybe that's why this would be transformative, but even if not that, this person would show you direction in life, maybe that's why ancestral thing was coming through. This person would heal and accept your shadows and flaws, nothing to hide from them :)

[paceprompting]

spontaneous

written for ‘pining’ | wc: 1000 # | steddie | rated: t | cw: no archive warnings apply | tags: post-season four, pre-relationship, charged situation, tattoo artist!eddie, pining steve

@steddieholidaydrabbles

"Are you sure this is a good idea?” Steve asked, hands clenched on the armrests of the chair in his living room.

It was the dead of winter in Indiana, so Steve had been wearing a green sweater and sweats; anticipating a relaxing Saturday in his own home with movies and popcorn. And Eddie.

Eddie had come straight from work, bundled up a tad more in a heavy coat and scarf to compensate for the low-coverage of his sleeveless t-shirt.

In fact, that shirt was probably to blame for the whole situation.

Because when Steve had gotten bold and explored the plethora of tattoos along Eddie’s arms—a mix of D&D, icons from metal covers (some of which Steve knew)—asking what it was like to get one, how Eddie had chosen (or didn’t).

Eddie had given one answer and one answer only.

Why don’t I give you one?

And now, Eddie was knelt between Steve’s legs, with Steve in an armchair sans his sweats. They’d put a pillow on Steve’s opposite thigh for Eddie’s elbow, one gloved hand bracing on the upper part of Steve’s thigh, where he hadn’t just shaved away the dark, downy hair.

Apparently, to Eddie this was an extremely good idea.

“Yeah,” Eddie smiled at him. “You gotta scoot closer, though.” And he leaned back to let Steve resituate with his butt sat closer to the the edge of the cushion.

Eddie slid his hands back into place, his touch like brands on Steve’s bare skin—one at the top of Steve’s thigh, pushing up his boxers, and the other resting lower, tattoo machine ready in his hand to ink a design Steve was leaving completely up to Eddie onto his skin.

Even though Eddie had just spent twelve hours at the shop doing the same thing all day for people who would actually pay him for it.

All because Steve wanted his first tattoo.

And no one else would know that Steve only wanted Eddie to go it. Eddie was fucking good at what he did. And Steve wanted very good.

Steve would also be lying if he didn’t also enjoy the idea of wearing Eddie Munson’s permanent ink.

He thought he did well with the first pass of the needle over his skin. Eddie must have been familiar with the shift of muscle underneath his hand, and hopefully Steve had kept his breathing even and his leg still.

He wanted to be good.

Steve watched Eddie as he worked. As his dark curls fell into his eyes, but Eddie hardly seemed to notice, entirely focused on his work with his tongue sticking just slightly out as the machine buzzed away and Steve’s blood thrummed in his veins.

About ten minutes in, Eddie glanced up at him.

Steve wasn’t ready, and so he met Eddie’s dark eyes head on.

His cheeks flushed a hot pink straight across, and Steve could only guess that his pupils were so blown out the light brown of his irises were practically gone.

Eddie wet his bottom lip, and Steve tracked the movement.

“Doin’ okay?” Eddie asked in a soft voice.

Steve answered, but not quite the question Eddie asked.

“Your hair’s in your eyes.”

Eddie had stopped tattooing, and he let out this half-laugh as he said, “Happens.”

Steve thought he remembered Eddie mentioning once that that only time he put his hair up was when he was tattooing, and that Steve had so desperately wanted to see it—but didn’t dark to ask.

He had no problem looking at Eddie, any way that he was.

And Eddie hadn’t gone back to the tattoo yet, which had to be the reason Steve thought it was a good idea to shift forward and card his long fingers through the curls hanging in Eddie’s face—stray strands along with his bangs—and hold them out of the way.

Steve didn’t think it was really how Eddie would normally have tattooed anyone, but maybe Steve was actually helping a little bit and maybe, just maybe, Steve had tucked away a few dreams of doing this exact thing for an entirely different reason.

And for Eddie to be doing it to him.

Not that he’d ever said anything about it.

Even though they’d had a standing movie night just for them for almost two years now. And that Eddie was still staring up at him from down on his knees, pink lips partly open. Head cocked slightly to the side—like something had clicked into place.

He looked the same when he figured out one of the Will’s plots in their game when Steve hosted. Steve usually hosted nowadays, usually also focused on Eddie.

“This okay?” he asked.

And no, not really, he knew.

But also, absolutely.

All Steve could hope for, for sure, was that he was grateful for the pillow over his crotch that was keeping him from being completely given away and embarrassed out of his mind while he was finally getting Eddie (in at least half) the way he’d been craving for a long time.

Maybe since a certain boathouse.

Certainly since Eddie had made Steve put himself first while the bat bites on his sides and his throat healed. So bratty and pushy, but had probably save Steve from horrible infection.

Eddie blinked, seeming to come back to himself a little bit. Enough to give a bit of the confident smirk Steve had to hide how weak he was for and say, “That’s usually my line.”

And apparently, a lot of old habits died hard, because of bit of the old King Steve kicked in while Steve’s heart and mind were spiraling, and the words tumbled out of his mouth in a tone he never thought he’d try to use on Edie.

“Should we switch places, then?”

Eddie smiled wider, rolling his wrist before setting the needle back to Steve’s skin.

And if Steve tipped his head back to run his hand through his hair on a long exhale, Eddie didn’t say a word.

[icanseethefuture333]

(18+) Pick a tattoo 💉: Receive a message from your next intimate partner 🤤🥵😈

Pile 1:

Shufflemancy -

Dead Wrong by FEMM

Bedroom by Mabel

Thank u, next by Ariana Grande

The Devil, King of Cups, Five of Pentacles, Justice, & Queen of Cups

For the next person you'll be sexually intimate with, it seems that this is going to be a person from your past. This could be an ex or fwb you've been on and off with. You're tired of them emotionally, but sexually, this person is familiar to you. You know you can be with someone else that makes you happier, but you don't wish to start over and explain the ways you want to be touched. I believe this person love bombs through sex 😅. They dote on you and kiss different parts of your body. They love to praise you - "You're doing so good for me right now, is this all for me?". They also enjoy aspects of BDSM (tying someone up, being degraded, etc). There is a inconsistency here when it comes to experiencing pleasure or orgasms. Do you disassociate, pile 1? What is going on? I feel like you have to just lay there and for your partner to use your body to get off. You deserve to feel pleasure, pile 1! Please don't feel afraid of speaking your mind or say what gives you pleasure or doesn't. If this person is not satisfying you in anyway you do not have to stay with them. I feel like you don't wish to give them anymore of your energy. It's as if you wish to say goodbye through sex. I don't see this connection lasting long with this person and the partnership will be short term. There seems to be a big issue with emotional intimacy. You and this person need to heal your trauma regarding romance. This relationship will be a karmic lesson for you both in order to grow.

Pile 2:

Shufflemancy -

Wine Pon You by Doja Cat (ft. Konshens)

Shady Lady by B.A.P

Moonlight Chemistry by Jeff Bernat

The Hanged Man, Nine of Cups (reversed), The Emperor, The World, & Two of Pentacles

Are you a virgin, pile 2? Or perhaps inexperienced? I feel some of you have never been able to have a orgasm before or haven't had someone give one to you. There is like trouble with you getting there. Your next sexually intimate partner wishes to change this! They are so focused on making you feel sexy and feel good. Your partner wishes to have slow and sensual sex with you 😳. "We can take it slow if you need to, I can go all night if that means you need to cum 🖤" phew 😮‍💨! I feel like if this is a man, they have a big dick or they have big dick energy. If they are a woman, then their pussy feels heavenly. Regardless of their sex (or gender), they know how to please you in the bedroom. Their preferred position is missionary, they want to look into your eyes as they fuck you 🙈. Your partner wants to give you the world, pile 2 or make you feel like you're the only person in the world that is special to them. As much as they are a giver, they love to receive also, I'm getting strong switch vibes. They could like for you to ride them or give them head 🥴.

Pile 3:

Shufflemancy -

Web by 070 Shake

Me & U by Cassie

Ur Best Friend by Kiana Ledé & Kehlani

Seven of Swords, Four of Cups, The Sun, Two of Cups, & Queen of Wands

MY QUEER PILEEEEE 👅🌈🖖🏽💦! I am heavily getting wlw vibes for this pile. Your next sexually intimate partner could be someone who is of the same sex~ 👀. If not, they are someone who is androgynous in appearance or is in touch with their feminine/masculine side. They want to eat you out/suck you off soooo bad 😩. I feel like when you meet this person you're gonna know that they're attracted to you. They have a strong sexual aura or they naturally ooze confidence. Your partner is gonna talk a lot of game. "You wanna come home with me? Nobody else here is gonna be as interesting as me." You could meet them at a club or at a bar. This person is talented with their fingers 🥴. You could have a fetish for their hands and they could have a fetish for your feet. They have long fingers or veiny hands. If you're into it - you desire for them to choke you and they want you to know they'll willingly do it 🤫. Pile 3, your partner fantasizes about fucking you with your legs up in the air or with your feet over their shoulders. They are very attentive to what your likes and dislikes are. They could get you flowers the first time you have sex? Or put flower petals on the bed. They are very cheeky but sweet 🥺🥰!

Pile 4:

Shufflemancy -

Fuqboi by Hey Violet

Caught in a Lie by Fatima

Novacane by Frank Ocean

The Hermit, Nine of Wands, Five of Swords, Six of Wands, & Three of Pentacles

I am channeling the lyrics "Do you love me baby? I know you love me baby, yeah I cheated on you but do you still trust me baby? Have two kids now you stuck with me baby"

This is toxic as hell 😭. I feel like your next person you have sex with is going to be someone that your partner knows. There is a lot of cheating involved here. You have given your partner many chances and will be fed up when they lie to you again. This person could be a a rival, nemesis, or enemy of your partner. Is it your ex?! A friend of theirs?! Whoever this third party is, You will decide to get your lick back from all the damage your partner has caused and decide to move onto the next best thing. You have been attracted to this person for a while, but avoiding them because of your loyalty. "When you are done with them, come see me, I'll take care of you." Your partner will feel so betrayed when they find out you and this person are having sex but you will feel the most free that you have ever had thanks to this third party. This person wants to pick you up when you fuck. They could be taller or stronger than you. There is a obvious size difference. Possible threesome as well? 🥵

Pile 5:

Shufflemancy -

I Wish You Loved Me by Tynisha Keli

Dope Lovers by DPR IAN

Beauty And A Beat by Justin Bieber (ft. Nicki Minaj)

Eight of Cups, Five of Cups, King of Pentacles, Ten of Pentacles, & The Moon

Oh wow your next sexual partner is down bad for you, pile 5 🥰! They are literally head over heels for you. They wish to tell you "I love you" but they are nervous about moving too fast in the relationship. Your partner overthinks too much. You and this person could just be fwb or in the talking stage, but they will want to take this relationship to the next level. They could stay up late at night thinking of you, they just get so soft at the thought of your name 🥺 d'awww so cute 🤧. When you both have sex, you and this person could cum a lot 😳? Squirting 💦? It's just very watery and emotional lol, maybe you or this person has water sign placements (Pisces ♓️, Scorpio ♏️, Cancer ♋️). They could be more submissive during sex, but overall they are a giver. They will do anything to fulfill your desire during sex. Omg I'm sorry but this person will cum a lot 😅. Please use protection if you don't want to get pregnant or have a child because you or this person are very fertile. They wish to have a family with you. This is honestly my baby maker pile 🤰🏽. They like your boobs/chest. They want to nuzzle their head into your chest as you fuck them or they fuck you. I am channeling the lyrics from the song "Forever My Lady" by Jodeci:

"We fell so far in love

Now our baby is born

Healthy and strong

Now our dreams are reality

Forever my lady

It's like a dream"

You and your partner could have dreams of each other. There is a telepathic connection here. Are you manifesting them? Or vice versa? This is so passionate lol. I have a strong feeling you will end up marrying your next intimate partner. Their energy is very shy but romantic 💕

Pile 6:

Shufflemancy -

Sweaty by SAAY (ft. Crush)

Good Kisser by Usher

La Luz (Fin) by Kali Uchis

Three of Cups, Temperance, Death, The Lovers, & Four of Pentacles

There is such an emphasis on lips, pile 6! They are obsessed with your lips! Oral fixation 👄? Your next sexual intimate partner fantasizes about making out with you. Smooches with a nice amount of tongue, nothing too invasive or aggressive lol. They could like when you have makeup on and your lips look more plump 💄💋. They think you're a fantastic kisser and whenever your lips press against theirs, it's like they are under your spell. You have the Poison Ivy effect on them! You could meet them through friends or while you are out with your friends. It is going to be some sort of celebration or party going on. Wedding, graduation, reunion, cookout, etc. You could be very artistic or creative and your partner finds this attractive about you. They like to watch you do your makeup, get dressed, or paint/make art. Your partner wants to have back to back orgasms. Overstimulation? Channeled lyrics: "Bumps in the night got me, got me over here overstimulated" - Overstimulated by Jhené Aiko. They enjoy deep penetration 😳. Your sexual partner is very intense lol. They want your bodies to be touching each other and feel every inch of you. "Say my name for me baby, matter fact - scream it." They get so possessive over you. This pile is making me my cheeks burn 🥵! They want to pin your wrists down. Backshots? Omg- pile 6, your partner is going to have you moaning so loud that your neighbors will know their name 😅. The next day will be giving coat and sunglasses like the Wendy Williams meme. You might feel embarrassed about it but your partner will feel proud and cocky 😋. "You weren't complaining about it last night 😏"

Pile 7:

Shufflemancy -

Blue Light by Kelela

Fucked My Way Up To The Top by Lana Del Rey

Girl With The Tattoo by Miguel

Ace of Wands, The Fool, Judgment, The Tower, & King of Cups

Channeled song: Hrs & Hrs by Muni Long. The lyrics to the whole song is very significant, so please go check that out. The part that's standing out to me specifically is:

"When I met you

I knew this was it

I've never been in love like this

A love like ours

I pray for it on my knees

Every night for some hours"

Your next sexual partner has literally been asking the universe for you, pile 7 🥺. They adore you! I feel like in this world, you and your partner have felt lost when it comes to love. As if they have been searching for someone that will fulfill their romantic and sexual desires. They are a hopeless romantic, you are as well, but your faith regarding to find a partner who makes you happy has been fading away. You could believe you will stay single forever because it just seems there isn't anyone who is compatible with you. Pile 7, your partner is going to change this! They want to make you feel bubbly and get butterflies in your stomach again. They love to see you blush 🥹!!! Your smile lights up their day. You could have a pretty smile or they think it is so adorable. Dimples? You could have dimples or only one dimple that they find attractive. They like when you give a sheepish smile and your eyes look at them with love, it makes their day (brb gonna go cry 🏃🏽‍♀️). Channeled lyrics: Girl With The Tattoo by Miguel: "Those innocent eyes, that smile on your face makes it easy to trust you" As for the sex, they enjoy when you initiate it or take action. They are a soft dom. They like to take orders from you but be the one in charge sexually. Submissive romantically, dominant sexually (this would be my dream man fr 😍). This is random but they like your boobs and butt :D! Or seeing you naked in general. They could have a fetish for your body ngl 😅. PLS 💀 Your partner isn't gonna understand personal space fr. You could be getting dressed in the bathroom and there they are 🧍‍♂️ peeping by the door with this expression on their face like ":3! uwu!". Consent is important to them ofc, so you will have to set boundaries on what's OK or not. If you will allow them to they will just walk in at anytime or ask to have sex with you when you shower lol. You could call them a perv jokingly and they'll be like "heh ¬‿¬". I am reminded of the scene from How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days when he pretended to get hurt so he could rub his head on his girlfriend's breasts and they both started laughing. You guys would be that couple that is cute but quirky in some ways lol. They could be big into shower sex? Champagne? They like to do it in hotels. Are they famous? There is something about wanting to get away from the public. Your partner could wish to (respectfully) cum in you or all over your body 💀. They are super messy lol. Your partner wants to fuck you reverse cowgirl style with your hair pulled back. You and your person could fuck like you'll never see each other again. The both of you are very loud. Your partner could enjoy shibari as well. They are a geek for sure. They could like cosplaying and costumes. Hentai 💀? I feel like they watch videos of E-girls or something. I don't feel like they are the most experienced though. So their fantasies could be pretty random 🤔? Like "Hey I learned about this today, would you want to try it?" The sex will be adventurous for sure. You and this person have a very youthful energy. They wish to orgasm with you at the same time. I feel like this will create a soul tie somehow 😗 Sex Magick? They could be manifesting you through their orgasms or you have been doing this as well. The relationship with your partner will be very dreamy. There is a sense of longing or wanting to connect. I feel like you and your partner will be in a long distance relationship. I'm seeing late night video calls or falling asleep on facetime. Cyber sex 💻? Things with your partner will feel pretty new. So it could take some time for things to be more serious on a romantic level, but it will create a new learning experience for you. I'm getting that aftercare is also important for them. They wish to cuddle afterwards or watch a movie/TV show together. "Food at my place ��? I'll cook for you." Channeled song: Foldin Clothes by J.cole:

"I wanna fold clothes for you

I wanna make you feel good"

Pile 8:

Shufflemancy -

Super Bounce by Duckwrth (ft. EARTHGANG)

How Do You Want It by 2Pac

Rose by Jereena Montemayor

Eight of Wands, Five of Wands, Strength, King of Swords, & The High Priestess

LMAOOOO this is my pile that likes to have angry sex. You could act bratty on purpose so your intimate partner could dominate you. They get so irritated with your ass 🤣! There is gonna be a lot of spankings. Channeled song: Put My Hands on You by Dean & Anderson.Paak: "Face in the pillow, ass where the wind blows" they wanna fuck you this way. You are so noisy, pile 8! Your partner could like to feel, grab, and cup different parts of your flesh when you have sex. They make you feel so good. They like your butt and your thighs. They love when you act bad even when they say they don't 🤭😈. Brat tamer for sure. "You see what you do to me? Is this what you want? You like that don't baby? You're doing so good for me why don't you scream a little more" omggg if this a man they could sound like ghostface 🫣. Their voice is deep and raspy, ugh 😫. You love when their voice gets husky during sex and when they praise but also degrade you 😝. You could like for them to claim you or mark their territory. Hickies? Hand prints (Jack harlow: "I send her back to her boyfriend with my hand print on her ass cheek 🤚🍑") If this isn't a man, then they just have a really attractive voice and are very dominant during sex. Are you a dancer? This person loves to see you dance. They could want you to do a heels choreography, lap dance, or striptease for them. This person is going to be your partner for sure but it's a mess lol 💀

Channeled song: We Cry Together by Kendrick Lamar & Taylour Paige:

"Fuck me, nigga (I'ma fuck you, bitch)

Nah, fuck me, nigga, fuck me (I'ma fuck you, bitch)"

😭 I can't!

Pile 9:

Shufflemancy -

Kisses Down Low by Kelly Rowland

Water by Tyla

Impatient by Jeremih (ft. Ty Dolla $ign)

Ace of Cups, Nine of Cups, Six of Cups, Eight of Pentacles, & Ten of Cups

Channeled song: Shirt by SZA:

"In the dark right now

Feelin' lost, but I like it

Comfort in my sins and all about me

All I got right now

Feel the taste of resentment

Simmer in my skin, it's all about

Bloodstain on my shirt"

I am getting that you and your next sexual partner like to do it with the lights off, dim lighting, or sex in the dark. Very mysterious and seductive vibes here. It's like being pulled into a witch's lair. Your partner could believe you are a siren 🧜🏾‍♀️ or your aura embodies this energy. You are more dominant when it comes to sex. You like to take control. You enjoy fulfilling your senses. Candles? Something about scents or a musk here. Music could be played during sex as well. This person loves the way you take charge, pile 9. You know just what to do. You could like to throw it back or grind on them. Very slow and sensual. They are attracted to your waist, hips, and stomach. You could know how to whine your waistline or move your hips in a way that's enchanting. You could like to tease them lol. Orgasm denial? They hate when you tease. They get really impatient. They are so desperate for your touch 🥱! They want to beg for it, even if they deny it. "Please baby, I'll do anything just let me cum." This person is more vocal than you are. I'm hearing shudders and whimpers. They love when you give them head. It's like you're snatching their soul every time 👻! Your hands are really soft. Handjobs/fingering? 🤭 You are a very attentive lover. You will be more experienced than your partner, they could even be younger than you. They could want to call you mistress/mister or mommy/daddy. They view you as someone nurturing and protective. You heal a part of their inner child through sex. They enjoy when you caress their hair and give them back rubs. Baby oil? You could give great massages. You could make this person cry during sex because it is so emotionally fulfilling. You will find this adorable and want to make them orgasm again. Everything will be so wet and slippery 🌊! When you and this person have sex it's like the flood gates are opened lmao. I see this will most likely be a fling. This message is only for a few, but if you are a sex worker then this is a client.

[anxious-witch]

Analysis of Jan and Nace photos number two, because I am insane and I kept rearranging the pictures to get a coherent story.

For the record, this isn't only subjective at this point, I am legit clowning, but I am having feels and idc.

Light and dark, or as @c28hunter pointed out, ying and yang. (Perhaps a theme? Since Kris and Bojan were water and fire, Nace and Jan are light and dark?)

I'd go with this being them before each other.

Doesn't necessarily have to be before they met, although that's certainly one way to look at it. But this is them before they truly connected.

Nace is in the harsh light, he feels too exposed, like all his imperfections are on display. He is all too aware of it, gripping his shirt tightly and crossing his arms over his chest. In that way, only his arms and tattoos are on display, his chest staying hidden.

When he is alone, in the light, he is tortured by his thoughts, and he tries to particularly hide his face with his hands in picture two. In picture three, he has clearly been gagged, his face twisted up from all the ways he tried to make himself fit into something he is not. Into something acceptable in the eyes of others.

Jan, on the other hand, is cloud in darkness. Dark background and the light that illuminates his features is softer, leaving more gray.

He stays in the shadows, and covers up his face with his hand and hair. We are not prvy to all of him. And yet, the first picture is giving a sense of resignation. He looks tired. He is looking at us, he knows he is being observed, even in part and he wants nothing to with it.

In the second picture, he looks more distrustful, his eyes away from the camera and covered by his hair. Almost as if he is giving someone off the frame a side eye. Maybe showing his own distrust, even to those that aren't looking to dig things up about him?

The two I put as next are these. On the left, we have Jan and Nace in the sane shot, but not quite a unit yet. But we already see a change here. They are both now clouded more in the shadow, Nace even more so than Jan, as if Jan is giving him the protection of his shadow here.

Nace looks intently into the camera, but he doesn't look tortured or afraid in the same way he did when he was alone, under the light. He still hides his body, this time with a coat, we don't even see his neck, only his face.

Jan on the other hand, lost that resignation we saw in the first part. He still looks mistrustful, but now he has something to lose. He keeps a close eye on us, while still he remains partially hidden.

On the picture on the right, we get a glimpse of the true intimacy between them. They stare at each others' eyes. There is a palpable softness, even as their noses are blurred with the soft gray. As many ppl pointed out, it almost looks like they are in the shower, partially covered by fog from the hot water, or behind a glass door.

The care they have for one another is the focus, not their reaction to the viewer. They don't know they are being seen.

In comparison to the left one above, this picture has harsher lines. They are being more exposed and Jan is stepping closer to Nace, once again, showing that underlying protectivness. But Nace isn't scared, he is showing off his face fully and giving us an intense stare. He isn't alone in the light anymore, and Jan makes him brave.

Another intimate moment of them laughing. Jan's face further softens and he looks almost silly. Nace's eyes are half closed in laughter. It's giving us a glimpse of how they are safe and happy when there is no one watching. There is more light, but compared to the photo on the left, the light isn't harsh.

Then we get to this. The first time I saw this picture, I immediately thought "this is on the verge of being sexual". But on the closer inspection, this picture conveys sm more than that.

It's a callback to Nace's individual photos, where he was gagged and twisted up. After he and Jan met, he got more comfortable speaking up, forgetting about the viewer. Even here, he isn't looking at us, but rather at Jan because we matter less now. What matters is Jan.

But Jan is still very aware that we are watching. He covers Nace's mouth, but if we look at his hand, it's almost gentle. It's a warning of someone who cares. It's as if he is saying "don't speak before you are ready".

And at last, we get to these. Inverted from the start, we get Jan's cover of darkness first. I am still unsure if Nace is present in the shot at the edge of the picture or not, but either way, I still think this picture can be ready as another way of Jan protecting Nace from our view.

He is taking the toll of our gaze on himself and staring back defiantly. "I have something to lose now, and I will not let you touch it any more than I allow." Gone is the resignation, and instead there is a fierce protector born out of it. The dark that used to resign him is now a way to keep someone he loves safe(in whichever way that love may manifest).

Then we have Nace. Nace who is once again in the light, but it's far from the harsh one he was in before. And Nace doesn’t hide from it and neither does he preform.

He has bits of himself he wants to show on display and he is comfortable with being seen. He feels safe.

To be loved is to be changed. And they both changed, finding balance within each other. I don't know if this was how the pictures were meant to be sorted, but I certainly had fun analyzing them this way.

If anyone has anything to add or maybe wants to switch something around, I'd love to know your thoughts! Sorry for emotional ramblings on a random Tuesday, lmao

[titlemewickedwonderland]

Prompt list for Requests! [OPEN!]

Hello my lovely Wonderlings! I realized this morning that I have hit just over 400 follows today! That is absolutely crazy and mindblowing to me because I honestly wasn't expecting this much love for my account! What had started as a little oneshot lists from older series I was too shy and insecure to post previous that just blew up over a short period of time! I am super grateful for you guys who have followed me; whether followed my account or have just been stalking to read my work without following, I still appreciate every single one of you! You have given me the encouragement to continue writing and finding new appreciation for the work I do so a BIG THANK YOU to every single one of you who have followed my journey this far in my writing! I have gotten to know a few of you over time as well and I'm grateful for the support and love you guys have shown me!

That being said, I would like to officially open up some prompt lists for requests! I know I have gotten a few already through my messages in the last week or two and I'm super grateful for that! I love interacting with you guys; so with that I'd like to introduce you to a list of prompts you guys can choose from to request a writing from! I know most of you will do so for Ghost (I love writing for them so I don't mind) but other fandoms are also welcome to be requested if I know them! I can't wait to see what kind of requests come find themselves in my inbox! <3 Love you guys so much!

~

[Fluff Prompt List]

"Your hair is so soft…"

"Your so cute when you pout like that!"

"Just relax, I'll wash your hair for you."

"I won't stop poking you until you give me some attention."

"What, does that feel good?"

"Ha! I found a weak spot on your haven't I?"

"Are you wearing my shirt?"

"You are ridiculously comfortable."

"I've had a rough day. All I want is a drink and someone to cuddle with."

"You're cute when your half asleep like this."

"You're beautiful, you know that?"

"We should get a puppy!"

[Injury/Comfort Prompts]

"Tell me where it hurts."

"How did this happen?"

"Let me see."

"How bad is it?"

"Can you carry me?"

"I can't move."

"Don't move!"

"This is gonna hurt."

"You're burning up!"

"Don't worry. I'll take care of you."

"Why didn't you tell me it hurt this bad?"

"Please, make it stop!"

[Non-sexual intimacy Prompts]

Finding the other wearing their clothes

Holding hands

One falling asleep on the other's lap 4, Cuddling in a blanket fort

Sharing a bed for the first time

Head scratches

Sharing a dessert

Messages or shoulder rubs

Reading a book together

Taking a bath together

Slow dancing

Accidently falling asleep together

[Angst Prompts]

"If there comes a day where we are not together; you will continue to shine like gold in my memories…"

"I was hurt, pretty badly one time. And while my outsides got better, my insides never did."

"Scream, shout, yell..say something!" - "You look as beautiful as the day I lost you"

"All I care about is you. You are stuck on me like a tattoo."

"Oh, brother we go deeper than the ink beneath the skin of our tattoos. No, we don't share the same blood but your my brother, and I love you; that's the truth."

"He ain't my blood he ain't got my name but if he did I'd still feel the same."

"I don't want to go but baby we both know. There is not a time; it's time to say goodbye. Until we meet again cause this is not the end. There will come a day when we will find a way…"

"What's small turned into a friendship that friendship turned into a bond and that bond will never be broken; the love will never get lost."

"You with the dark curls you with the watercolor eyes…"

"You will never be alone; I'll be with you from dusk til dawn. I will be with from dusk til dawn; baby I'm right here."

"I could play nice or I could be a bully. I'm tired and angry but somebody should be…"

"If you tell me your leaving I'll make it easy it'll be okay. And if we can't stop the bleeding we don't have to fi it we don't have to sty. I will love you either way, it'll be okay."

[Emotional Comfort]

"It's okay I'm here."

"I'm not going to leave you."

"Everything is okay."

"I'm going to protect you."

"I believe in you."

"Hear my heartbeat? Just focus on that."

"You'll be alright. No one is going to hurt you."

"You're not going to lose me."

"I'll stay right here, okay?"

"I'm okay, your okay, we're both okay."

"I don't care what they think; you're perfect to me."

"You don't have to be alone."

[its-just-vax]

Again! 1-66 (haven't looked at them fully but obvs you can skip any that are repeats from the other one) :p

Surpinslgy little overlap actually!

1. Any unexpected ways kink has improved your life?  If so, what are they?  Being able to be open to fully explore all sorts of avenues of enjoyment and connection with various partners!

2. Are piercings sexy? They can be!

3. Are tattoos sexy? They can be!

4. Are there any sex toys you want to try? I honestly enjoy most toys, so almost definitely, but I don't know if any I haven't played with a version of!

5. Are you more of a dominant, submissive, or switch? Switch all the way

6. Are you rough or romantic? I am definitely more romantic

7. Are you the jealous type? I mean I struggle with it sometimes, but I think I handle it pretty healthily

8. Are you vocal during sex? It's a new thing...

9. Do you have a gag reflex? Yee

10. Do you kiss on the first date? If it feels right I would

11. Do you like being blindfolded? Only if I trust you

12. Do you like dirty talk? Oh god yes

13. Do you like hair-pulling? If I am in full on feral mode I like to pull, but I ain't got any to pull in return!

14. Do you like it rough or romantic? I like both please!

15. Do you like it when your sexual partner moans? Very much sooooo

16. Do you like name-calling in bed? I think this one is super situational, and probably will also depend on the name!

17. Do you like seeing the evidence (bruises, bite marks, hickies)? FUCK. YESS.

18. Do you like teasing or being teased? I love both quite a bit actually

19. Do you like to cuddle? I love it so goddamn much

20. Do you like to swallow? Sure

21. Do you like watching or being watched? So I like being watched sometimes but once again, gotta be someone I trust. I love watching, either solo or other people, but I will definitely want to get involved....

22. Do you prefer having foreplay or getting right to it? Foreplay, unless we've been teasing all day or it's a quickie

23. Do you prefer long hair or short hair? I prefer hair that I'm allowed to touch

24. Do you prefer to give or receive when it comes to sex? I enjoy both but prefer to give

25. Do you watch porn? I do indeed

26. Have you ever cried during sex? Not that I can recall

27. Have you ever faked an orgasm? Oh absolutely

28. Have you ever had a one-night stand? Approximately one

29. Have you ever had sex in a public place? Public adjacent yes

30. Have you ever had sex in the shower? Oh yeah plenty

31. Have you ever had to use your safe word?  Nope

32. Have you ever spanked or been spanked in the bedroom? Looooooots

33. Have you ever squirted before? I will say that I have caused that before

34. Have you/would you have a threesome?  Many times!

35. Have you/would you participate in an orgy? I think I would

36. Have/would you ever have sex outside? In a tent!

37. How do you feel about public displays of affection? Please. So much. All the time. Everywhere. I want everyone to know I love and am loved.

38. How many people have you had sex with? 7.5

39. Is it good sex even if you don’t cum? It absolutely can be! Orgasms rule but are not required.

40. Tongue or no tongue while kissing? Good kissing has both. Honestly though, just lick me anywhere..

41. What are your BDSM test results? Posted on here somewhere!

42. What are your thoughts on friends with benefits? I ain't got a problem with it, but as a Polyamorous person, I'd probably catch feels and wanna date tbh

43. What do you like and dislike about oral sex? I like being able to please a person, the intimacy of tasting a partner. The smells, the sights. I dislike that I'm not doing it right now?

44. What do you think about toys in the bedroom? They are awesome

45. What do you wear to bed? Nothin! Or socks

46. What is an overrated sex position? I don't think any of em are overrated, if ya like it ya like it.

47. What is an underrated sex position? I feel like missionary gets a bad rap for being boring, but like it's pretty great imho

48. What is one thing you really like during sex that you wish happened more often? Hmmm that's... Hmmm🫣

49. What is something that never fails to make you horny?  Neck kissing, deep make outs. Whispering dirty things in my ear.

50. What is the best sexual ego boost you’ve received? I can think of a few. But anytime someone has told me that I was able to please them in a way they aren't used to

51. What is the first thing that draws your attention when you meet someone new? The conversation.

52. What is your biggest turn-off? Being inconsiderate /pushy

53. What is your favorite color to wear? Blue!

54. What is your favorite kind of foreplay? Long slow make outs with lots of groping

55. What is your favorite kink and why?  Creampies. The act of finishing inside somebody (mouth, pussy, ass) just that like last few seconds of frantic movement and connection and release....

56. What is your favorite part of your body? I think I have nice hands

57. What is your favorite pet name? Any of them that have meaning to me and my partner

58. What is your favorite position in the bedroom? Any one that results in kisses

59. What is your favorite type of non-sexual contact? Major snuggles

60. What is your newest kink? Deep eye contact...

61. What is your safe word? Just pineapple

62. What is your top sexual fantasy? Answered above

63. Which part of your body do you consider the most sexy? Probably my hands or hips

64. Would you have sex on the first date? If the vibe was right!

65. Would you rather be handcuffed or blindfolded? Blindfolded

66. Would you rather make out or cuddle? Cuddling that leads to make outs please

[aossidhe]

𝕰𝖚𝖗𝖔𝖘𝖘

For everyone Euross is a savior, someone brave and courageous. People who meet her once would say she's a stubborn and reckless one, always doing whats she wants even if it's hurt people.

Basics:

Name: Euross Adams

Age: 22

Birthday: 2 february Species: Humaine/nephilim

MBTI/enneagram: INTP/8w7

Physical appearance

I dont really want to do a specific desscription because she keeps change in my head. But there are still some important things.

Height: taller than Helios LOL

Eye color: green

fitness level: basic, she isnt the one who do sport but she can run without collapsing after 2 minutes.

Tattoos/piercing: butterfly on her belly, sea animals on her thigh, birds on her left upper arms, eyes on her back and some unserious small tattoos. She has 5 piercings on her right ears ( 3 lobe, 2 arcane) and 2 on the other (lobe and concq)

Scars: One burn scar on her left thigh

fashion style: "I never give on importance of what I m wearring, I just take what I have" but she deeply loves docs marteens.

Accessories: earrings, some rings (sometimes). One big black crossbody bag.

Cleanliness/grooming: Do the basic: water, soap, cream (sometimes)

Posture/gait: looks confident

Tics: bite her thumb nail when she thinks.

Personality

Euross is an introvert. Most people think she hates people, but she actually likes them even if she doesn't want to admit it; it's just exhausting for her to be around others. Euross can be described as someone who is gifted. She has heightened emotional and sensory awareness, and as a result, she feels drained by people. Most of the time, she prefers to stay alone or with her loved ones. She has excellent reasoning and problem-solving skills. Moreover, she loves to learn new things, constantly reading and trying to solve problems. But the most of time when she learns something news she has a fixation about it.

She appears very cold on the outside. She tries to hide her emotions, and one of her favorite forms of communication is irony. She thinks and processes information faster than average, and as a result, she may find most people slow and stupid. Because of this, she often believes she is right and may be perceived as very stubborn and having a strong temper.

Mommy issues and trust issues

Fears: She's deeply afraid to fail and not be good enough anymore. She's afraid of intimacy. She's also scared to one day look like her mother. She also needs to control everything and when she starts to feel helpless she destroy everthing around her.

Belief: She thinks the human is bad. She doesnt trust people because she thinks human always be bad and selfish (especially man lol).

Self-esteem: She is kinda confidence, she thinks she's more smart than everyone. But she sometimes hate herslef, especially when she hurts people she likes or when she goes to far. So when she's angry at her she starts to be horrible when people.

"Background" (how I am supposed to name that?)

Birth date: 2 february 1998

Place of birth: A big city with a river. I imagine an industrial city with abandonned fabrics and things like that, like Detroit. She was in a poor family and live in a run-down apartment.

Education: She goes to public school. She found it easy to learn but always struggled with rules. She went to college in a biology licence but spend more time outside lecture.

Drug and alcohol: Euross got drunk for the first time at 14 and tried drug at 15. She sees her mom drink a lot and takes drug so she was used to this kind of things. One time when she takes drug she wasnt be able to protect her little sister so she decides to dont take it anymore. She smokes since she has 17.

Euross had to grow up too fast because her dad died when she was 7 and because her mom is totally irresponsible. She has to take care of her sibblings. But now she's an adult she can be imature and irresponsible, like she is making up for the years she missed by becoming a child again.

Relationship

Family

Mother: Lia Jennings. Have a bad relation with her. She finds her irresponsible and thinks she is a bad mother.

Father: Rogers Adams. She always loves her dad. He was a fisherman and was absent but he always do the best for her daugther. Euross admire him. He dies when she was only 7 years old and it deeply affected her.

Siblings:

Helios: Euross is 7 years older than him. They don’t share the same father. Helios and Euross have a difficult relationship. They deeply love each other, but they struggle to express it. Both are stubborn and never want to admit they’re wrong. Euross always tries to protect Helios, and sometimes she might go too far. She thinks he can be very immature and perhaps is too hot-headed (which is quite ironic).

Hemera: Euross is 12 years older than her. They don’t share the same father. Euross cares a lot for Hemera. She sees the child she once was in Hemera and definitely wants to give her the childhood she never had. She always does everything she can to spend time with her and make her smile.

Significant other

Eric: Eric is Euross bestfriend. They known each other in elementary school. Eric and her are deeply different, but they known each other for so long that they are very close.

[isca-rambles]

6x07 aka everything hurts why is no-one giving Lucy a hug literally every 5 seconds what is life why is it not 2025 yet I need resolution and I need reunion after a gentle slow burn back to being in a safe and stable relationship but also just give me them being okay please I do honestly wonder if I'd have coped better with this show when I was still on antidepressants and anxiety meds. Heh. Oh Lucy, my love. Sidenote, this apartment's layout keeps constantly changing, I swear. Tamara picking her mum over her dad in the divorce, fair. I want to feel bad for Tim losing Metro but, I mean. It's literally the best that could've happened. He could've lost his entire job and ended up in jail. Grey being a toughlove dad. Also Tim stop fucking lying. Smitty. Nickerson. You pieces of absolute shit. Lucy's face. God, who could do that to her. How could you do that to her, Smitty? And god. Tim's face lighting up when he sees her. She's literally his sun and he still wants to be around her. And she's trying so hard. God, the way she stumbles away, manages to get out the weakest 'hey' and shakes her head as she leaves. My heart. Tim you can't break this woman's entire world and then try to go back to normal. It's just like him trying to go back to hers to curl up after ghosting her for 2 days. Okay, Tim loves deep intimacy. He's just terrified of it. I know it's harsh but like Tamara would even want him there? He can't be hurt by this. Well, he can. But he can't. But also Grey, you had plans. You think Luna would pass up Tamara's goodbye dinner? Emotional minefield and the only person looking after Lucy is her surrogate dad. God, I honestly do not blame Lucy for thinking this scenario was a set-up. Can she not get a single fucking break? Also Grey don't lie, you do care about her personal drama. That's your daughter right there. Luna would be furious with you for saying that. One thing I have to say, it's kind of weird that two detectives are always on the same case. Wouldn't it make more sense for a detective to work solo so they can spread the workload out a little more? They're constantly saying how understaffed the LAPD is. But going solo is probably dangerous too. Oh, the cages are back behind the driver seats. God, Lucy. She really deserved an explanation. She's running all the reasons through her head trying to figure out why he did this to her. She was your best friend, Tim. You weren't just her TO. She was your everything. I really wish we had seen more of Tim's guilt and pain at not being with Lucy. We see his guilt about hurting her, but we don't really see anything of him being upset about not being with her anymore. I know he's fragile and building up all his walls again, but not even a hint of it? I know he's feeling it, he's 100% devastated not being with her, being the reason he's not with her, but we never get to see it. Lucy is such a good detective. She's such a good cop. Yes, I am going to just continue to sing Lucy's praises until my final breath. I am 100% not sorry about this. And I'm also devastated Lucy never gets to tell Tim everything she vents to Grey. Show him the cam footage. There's a fic prompt for you all, Grey (or someone, maybe Smitty thinking he's making things up to Lucy) showing Tim her breakdown in the shop. Let him know just how much he's destroyed in her. Grey, hug your daughter I swear to god. Blair, I dislike you, but Tim was right in 6x10 - she's a good therapist. I love Lucy and Grey moments. Please let us have more of this in S7. She needs a mentor, she wants a mentor. And since she never got enough time with Captain Andersen, she needs more scenes with Grey.

Oh, previous girl. She's rubbing her tattoo so much, she's so stressed and distressed. Tim please, you owe her a conversation. Just one. And the fact that she doesn't just dismiss Celina right away. She has every right to, she could just want some space, but she knows Celina wants to talk to her about something and she gives her the time to do so. I am very proud of Tim for going to therapy. It sucks that Blair ends up being such a piece of work, but I am proud of him for going. And obviously he's taking to heart what Lucy said. It just hurts that he couldn't give her the decency of an adult conversation. But I also don't want Lucy being his unofficial therapist, because she would 100% let him do that to her and it'd just ruin them even more. Tamara don't leave please. Will people please stop leaving Lucy, please. At least bring her back in S7. Don't let her just disappear.

[phoenixduelist]

Rozália & Freedom

Well here am I with a long ass heartbreak instead of writing replies

Freedom is a foreign concept for her. Even when she was a child. She knew she will inherit her dad's forts and become head of the Véghváry house. Then came the war and it was an obligation given by name alone to take up arms even she was barely exiting childhood. Habsburg victory, her family pretty much wiped out and to hide from that crushing fact along with that now she was only a political accessory, escaped into fencing.

The rescue was successful...sort of. Except it was too late to save all parts of Rozália and not just in the physical sense. The shock her body and mind went through killed her, only to be accidentally revived without knowing the burdens they placed on her by doing so. She doesn't feel the freedom the sea should've given her, because it hasn't. She's trapped, trapped in a floating wooden coffin, trapped with her traumas and memories, trapped with the people who saved her life. And that is a debt too tremendous to pay back just one time. So she slowly became who & what she needed to protect them, switching off her emotions, her guilt, killing the part of her which would've prevented her efficiency to shiled them. No hesitation, surgical precision; mercy? What mercy?

She has beautiful, elaborate wing tattoo covering her upper back and both of her upper arms, a little illusion couldn't hurt. She's a phoenix risen from death but she's not living for herself; in Scorched Seas verse where she eventually loses her family, she becomes more and more monstrous with each. She's losing herself as well, she sees the 30 of them the remains of her humanity, once they are gone there's no gate to hold back the flood of traumas and letting them completely take over. (In that verse she was once captured and hanged, only that they purposely made the drop too short to immediately kill her. She's 6', despise her speed well built and the rope eventually snapped before she choked to death. There was only one more disappointed then the authorities: her.)

Rozália places her family above her every desire, need, material or emotional. She will eat less or not at all if they are low on stock. She views love as outright selfishness, it could endanger her family but doing something not tied to them is so...liberating. It terrifies her yet makes her want more, more for herself if she suffered this much.

She eventually said her goodbye on the coast of Europe with a ship full of treasure, enough for all of them to sail to a hidden corner of the world and live in peace for their whole lives. She has had enough, enough of living and with the knowledge of her family secure for a lifetime went to avenge herself at last. Rozália was fully prepared to die after assassinating the Emperor responsible for her state, she didn't even try to flee the scene. One of the guards recognized her and with the Emperor dead, her adoption aligning with the Pragmatic Sanction asked her to lead once again.

Why didn't she refuse? Her people were at stake, she didn't know anyone better than her to take her position. She didn't die in the war and her opinion unfortunately remained the same, so she took the rightful title belonging to her. All you have to ask whenever was this what she wanted; she wanted to be free. Of burdens, of haunting memories chipping away her sanity. She was ready at every given opening, only people kept giving her purpose to push farther, to keep going.

There's only thing stronger than her desire for freedom is fencing, a passion which remained untainted by her life. She has difficulty enjoying or even seeking intimacy due to assault, swordplay is the only thing remained where she can fully blossom, break free for a few precious minutes. A duel is a rare occurrence, therefore Rozália makes the most out of it, often missing openings on purpose to lengthen it. She's waiting for someone better, faster, smarter to grant her the honorable death she's aching for; but that hasn't happened. How long would she fence if given chance? Till she collapses from exhaustion. When she whispers ‘Free me.’ it is a desperate plea, a broken cry translating to ‘Kill me.’

After finally dying @lightningdamned (the second time), freedom failed to find her thanks to a deal she made with Leviathan @winters-club on the sea, for her family's sake. A prisoner again and she rebels, claws, bites, electrocutes; family and resistance. These two to which her existence eventually boils down to. This time she has to fight for herself...which she isn't sure how to. Who is she? Memories are fading, her legacy trampled, her bloodline dead; who was she? Now she's the embodiment of her worst traits combined with every trick, manipulation, blackmail she had learned during her life.

Her existence only gains meaning when she hears her name again after she had thrown it away after straying so far from what it represents. Only this time it's General Rozália Véghváry @infernal-general ; her family by blood isn't gone.

At last, the Armageddon has began, Raia had willingly fallen from Heaven where she gained entry after Leviathan killed her because after her death as Queen, she was canonized patron saint. At that point she only could hysterically laugh at the twists of fate. So she stood in the middle of the rampage, fully aware that her distant sister's Hellfire was stronger than her lightning and it would kill her at last. Her sister was a competent, intelligent, cunning, inspiring leader, able to make brutal decisions in favor for her own. If she was about to go far, her cousin @deathshadowed would warn her. The other surviving relative, a literal cosmic entity @phoenixborn would watch over both of them. There was no more need for her. Was it? After their rampage is done, a new world will be born and again, her sister was competent enough to rule it. But would the General want that?

For the first time, Raia had a choice: perish here or give in the craving that has been nagging her since her fall. After all, didn't she desire freedom more than death? So the Fifth Horseman of the Apocalypse, Providence was born. Her fourth death granted her the ultimate second life she wanted and was content with. Her destiny was complete after almost a thousand years. She was free at last, living for herself, because she choose to.

[hwaightme]

AAAAAAA NORAAAAAA!!!!!! First of all I am so sorry for the time it took to reply <3 lol you know the adventure that happened so here we are ahah; Also apologies if I will sound like a total mess in this reblog, but I am basically channeling the overwhelming waves of love that I have for you so don’t mind me skjdfhsldf

I see you as one of the best San writers out there, seriously. The way in which you capture his personality, his character and the way you write dialogue and generally write for him and about him is magnificent, so I can only aspire to be able to do that and to have that kind of flow <3 I am unbelievably grateful for the fact that you enjoyed this work so much and that it made you feel this kind of warmth and affection, and love <33333333 Because really I am… ahah you say you won’t be able to move on well Nora the pleasure of talking to you, and generally knowing you exist already makes me go like the song Angel Baby: “I just wanna live in this moment forever”.

AAAAAA I am so dang happy that you liked that!!!!!!!! I am of the opinion that home is very much a feeling, and an association of memories, of intricately woven details that you have about places and people, so a person who you love is very much ‘home’. That is safety and that is security, and a warm blanket that will be there with you no matter where you go (kind of like how I tried to depict, that both reader and San are from out of town, are trying to find their place in the world, but in one another they find this loving permanence).

PLEASE I AM GOING TO TATTOO THIS REBLOG IN MY EYELIDS AND PLASTER IT ALL OVER MY WALLS AND PUT IT ON MY CLOTHING BECAUSE I WILL NEVER NOT THINK ABOUT IT I LOVE YOU SO MUCH YOU BEAUTIFUL MAGNIFICENT HUMAN YOU NORA ARE AMAZING ILYSM!!!!!<3333333333

What if….. what if I CRIED HM?!?!!?? I am so happy that you enjoyed the dialogue… I feel like having this kind of open, kindhearted and a little cheeky communication is what makes relationships even closer; if you can be open with your feelings for someone, and they reciprocate that, this shows a whole new level of intimacy and I wanted to depict that through, exactly as you say, ‘lovemaking’. AND PLEASKFJHE PERFECT MODEL WHAT IF I SOB, AND THIS IS SAID BY THE QUEEN OF SOFT SMUT PLSsdofigkjsfgsdf (I genuinely had to check my breathing rn because I am… I have been stunned into a wholesome pile of mush you are literally too kind and I want to give you infinite smooches pls; and yes!! On that same avenue, the ability to just share those gazes, look at one another and see that they look at you as if you are their entire universe… that is precious; also on a sidenote San’s smile is literally brighter than the sun and it is a fact ;~;

Nora, I am literally so beyond elated that you liked this lil soft cuddling, conversation and planning for the future at the end <333 I’ll let you in on a little secret, but I think in part this discussion of commitment, devotion and the way in which love grows into something even larger has been inspired by our conversations; I am literally just… always blown away by how much wisdom you have, and so grateful for the stories you tell me and for the thoughts you share with me and when we had those musings about ‘what love is’ in general and how finding love is hard, but at the end so worth it… that will stay with me forever and I am grateful for it <3 You are amazing and I am so happy that you liked this fic and that you are in my life ajksfahsldkf

PLS I AM JUST KALDJHFSDSLJ HJ THE MUSEUM!?!!?? UIHJRTK LOUVRE!?!!? Respectfully I think my soul has left my body because I am just in another realm of happiness right now (I know I probably repeated the word a thousand times but that is the way I am rn you just make me so so happy <3); AND GWORL I WOULD ONLY EVER AGREE TO THAT IF YOU ARE IN THE MUSEUM FIRST YOU ARE BRILLIANCE ITSELF AND YOU WRITE ART;

Words are not enough to express how wonderful you are, and how thankful I am for your kindness, for your feelings, and for the fact that we can be in this warmth, in this golden hour together <3 thank you from the bottom of my heart and I love you so much Nora <3333

Golden hour

THIS IS 18+ ONLY, MINORS DNI FOR MOUNT'S SAKE (nsfw tags under the cut) (masterlist) (join taglist)

🟡 pairing: bf!san x fem!reader 🟡 genre: smut, pwp, a lot of fluff, established relationship 🟡 summary: in the busy urban jungle, one fateful night at a jazz bar, choi san met his angel of light. from then on, each moment is a breathtaking golden hour, your love a wondrous duet. 🟡 wordcount: 6.5k 🟡 warnings/tags: loving bf san, jazzman!san, you are the apple of his eye, trumpet player, two lovebirds making it in the big city, discussion of marriage, discussion of planning for the future, yes he wants a future with you, late night coffee, being goofy, lots of hugs+heart eyes, lmk if I missed anything! 🟡 a/n: presently in the middle of being a san appreciator and listening to a lot of jazz, which resulted in quite a few song references being interlaced in this ahah; thank you so much for your support, any reblogs, comments, thoughts always appreciated!~

🟡 perma-taglist: @legohwas @acciocriativity @justhere4kpop @honey-lemon-goose @byuntrash101 @shakalakaboomboo @starillusion13 @hongthoven @cqndiedcherries @uwuheeseungie @cheollipop @frankenstein852 @charreddonuts @miriamxsworld @mingigoo @michel-angelhoe @innsomniacshinestar  @foxinnie8 @preciouswoozi @wooyoungjpg @mystar1024 @nebulousbookshelf @wowie-hockey @hongjoongs-patience @memoriesofwoo @ate-ez @toxicccred

🟡 nsfw tags: switch!san/the softest dom!san, switch!reader, the sheer volume of pet name use (sweetheart, darlin', love, angel, my light, my sun...), slight(?) hints at exhibitionism, light nipple play, lovebites/hickeys (giving/receiving), fingering, oral (f!recieving), handjob, hugging during sex, slow and steady, multiple orgasms, cockwarming, riding, unprotected sex (wrap that before you tap that pls), cum inside, soft and gentle aftercare

Enchanted by the ghostly wisps of steam rising from the cooling rich mahogany brew, twirling into the barren nightscape until they were nothing more than echoes of a magical breath, you waited. You were tired of conversing with the shadow stretched before you,  from the sun-like lamp light rays that hopped from the window at the top of the stairs all the way down. So you sat there, between the fourth and the fifth floors of your apartment complex, studying the circular holes in the steps that had become your rocking chair for reminiscing. At nights like these, you took things slow, and let yourself sink into an intimate fragility. Only you and the remnants of a busy late night shift. The hair and skin, which even after bathing seemed to cling onto most, if not the entire bouquet of aromas from the bar; the hands, still bearing the traces of coolness from having heaped buckets of ice into overpriced drinks; the faded eyeshadow, the lipstick - most of it transferred to the mug of coffee, steadily approaching lukewarm, cradled in your hands. Habitually, you traced its rim, feeling for the chip in the ceramic that it sported like a scar, after you had accidentally dropped it on the counter. Its presence was grounding. A reminder that you existed in a world beyond the endless cycles. That sometimes, the unpredictable could happen to you too.

You found companionship in the fluorescent light perched above a sign that attempted, but failed to remind the locals not to litter, and the miniature exhibition of waste backs collected right below it. This scene, viewed from so many metres above, was almost poetic. It was endearing seeing the last hints of humour that your neighbours managed to retain despite the bleakness of the complex and its surroundings. Windows facing brick walls and going grey from smog, a cacophonic roar drilling into the ear drums from the ceaseless chatter of clubbers and late night diners ambling down the nearby wonders of nightlife. The flickering, leaking neon signs above business either long-closed for the day, or just beginning to awaken were practically pitiful, and yet, you could not help but feel a twinge of sentimentality when your mind traversed the area, reminding you of any changes you had spotted, new faces, new flyers; these were the only things that, without fail, would greet you as you walked back home in your midday, another’s time for deepest slumber. Perhaps one would think you were alone or lonely in this hour, remaining out of dreamland solely to tomorrow’s disillusionment. But to anyone who would dare propose something so ridiculous, one look at the smile that graced your lips as soon as you spotted a familiar figure making its way down the courtyard, and stopping to wave at you - knowing full well that you were sat at the stairwell, would be enough to cut any argument at its root. While he was not someone who you came home to often, despite you having lived together for what was about to be a year, Choi San was the music that soothed your soul, the sweetest song, the melody of your heart. He was there for you, and you were there for him. Even if that meant turning into a nocturnal creature, conversing aimlessly with a cuppa into the early hours.

You closed your eyes and counted his steps. Both of you had made it something of a routine to avoid the main entrance. Initially it had been as a joke and as a means to flee from the permanently vexed madam in her seventies who lived on the ground floor, shrill voice and a shivering, bitey pooch cooped up and cradled like baby; she had seen the two of you in states deemed dissatisfying in her view, and as such had turned into a guardian of the complex. A guardian from two young fools who lived to the fullest. In an adoring duet, you had found paths to your comfort, and soon enough, the emergency stairs were an ascension to your palace - shared paradise spanning a couple of rooms. 

San’s resolved, confident steps as he made his way up the stairwell, skipping the second, avoiding the worn down centre of the step between the first and second floors; it was so worn down, in fact, that on some nights when the moon caught this side of the building just right, it was like a fallen star. You grinned to yourself as you recalled this theory. That star worked hard on giving you your wish; the wish whose slicked back, jet black locks you could already detail in your line of sight. As he made the last turn, you gripped your mug tighter; somehow, even after years of knowing this man, of loving this man, San never failed to ignite the warmest, cosiest flame within your soul. The home you had dreamed of, found not in four walls, but in this gentleman, who was now standing before you, hand outstretched and a gentle smile on his face. You graciously accepted the assistance, and let yourself be lifted off the ground with a light pull, to come face to face with your boyfriend. Your precious, funny valentine, with a heart of gold.

“Hey, darlin’, now, I told you the gig was gonna run ‘til late, why’re you up? And with your coffee?” he drawled as he searched for a place to put the case for the second most precious aspect of his life: his trumpet, settling on a nook closer to the inner railing - protected on all sides from a fall. You hummed, and took another cautious sip, studying the man before you.

Despite having woken up at the crack of dawn to walk you to your second job before commuting to his own, there was still that inextinguishable glint in his magnificent dark eyes. Feeling your gaze on him, San rolled his shoulders back, as though he had not a hint of weariness in his muscles, accidentally forcing one side of his favourite jacket, a vintage brown piece made of corduroy, to slip and commence its slow climb down his upper arm. Sighing, you twisted to set your cup aside on one of the stair steps, and made a move to fix it back in place, ignoring the way in which San's hands rapidly snaked to your waist.

"Mm, missed you Sannie." You responded, smoothing the non-existent creases on the black t-shirt he was wearing underneath, your touches lingering as if you had not rested your form on his chest thousands of times, each occasion imprinted in your memory for as long as there was music.

"I missed you more, Y/N…” his eyes darted a couple of times to your hands, only to slowly rise, and focus on the black top that you had chosen to change into after your workday. San exhaled, amused as he imagined you waddling around the apartment wrapped up in that fleece towel you liked, ready to raid the wardrobes. Taking the very edge at the base of the article between his thumb and index finger , he toyed with it, and stated as a matter of factly: “I can see you're stealing my shirts again."

"Well… I can take it off…" you trailed off, moving to undo the very top button, stifling a giggle as San instantly dropped his act and pinched the collar together. He shook his head, gaze glossed over, unreadable. His other hand inched a little closer to your hip, sliding down - a barely noticeable change, but it nevertheless sent sparks across your skin and left you struggling to breathe.

"Uh-uh, that's for my eyes only. Can't have you flaunting something priceless for the whole block." tugging on the shirt, he guided you into his arms and wrapped himself around you, taking in the smell of home. The aroma of his gift that was today, the promise that was tomorrow, and the dream that was the symphonies of a future to come.

It was surreal, the moment he came home. Be it to wait for your shift to end while he tried to get a simple dinner cooking on the stove, or to have you waiting, just like this, curled up on the stairs, every bit a cat basking in the warm glow that resembled the sunset in its hue, falling down the steps from the window of your, and his apartment. As he stood in front of you, etching your form into his memory as if each time he saw you you were someone new, he imagined what it would be like to truly come back at sundown. Have dinner earlier than midnight, spend the evening chatting away about this and that, hidden under a woollen throw that you had found at a thrift store. Let the last rays of the sun, departing to its sleeping quarters, wash over the two of you as you would hold one another in a long, loving embrace, rocking to the ballads only you knew and shared. Sometimes he wondered whether what he played outside of this magical golden hour that was ‘you and him’ was truly music, when all the melodies to divine adoration played in your caresses. Whether the words he sang held any meaning if they were not dedicated to you, sung to you. Whether the sultry notes of the trumpet were anything but noise if you were not there to hear it. 

Crash landed into the big city, he had been a boy with stars in his eyes and boundless ambition. He had wanted to fight the world alone, head on, and had no feel for the rhythm of the metropolis, its people, its jazz scene. He had assumed that he was wanted, and oh, how wrong he had been. Rejection after rejection, San had found himself playing on the streets for a couple of bills to last the day, and had run into a debt with a cruel landlord - so large, that he had considered turning to less conventional solutions. But then, by some stroke of luck, he had met other musicians who were dreamers, warriors of the arts, those with impeccable feel for every note, every off-beat both in the pieces they would cover or improvise, as well as life. Just like that, San had found himself a band, and by the grace of destiny itself, he had found himself performing at a bar, the bar, where he had the boundless joy of meeting you. 

An old hole in the wall in the middle of downtown, it had been your first place of work since moving in more central from the outskirts. Having been on the scene for a lot longer than him, sweeping, cooking, mixing - anything you could get your hands on, you knew practically all the artists around town, thanks to your appreciation of their life’s essence in the form of jazz and their habitual lingering around the bar to chat after a show. As such, a new face had immediately caught your eye, and there, your gaze stayed. All through the night. All through his impeccable covers of Chet Baker’s ‘I Fall In Love Too Easily’ and ‘Like Someone In Love’, during both of which you swore you had never felt yourself being regarded with more intensity. All through the years in which you had come to move in a shared rhythm, existing in a gentle swing, cheek to cheek. For the first time, you felt as though you were staring right into the sun, but instead of tears rolling down your cheeks and agony spreading over your body, your vision cleared and new hope settled.

This rhythm did not falter. Even when some notes were played with their respective delays or anticipations, this was all a wondrous interpretation of life as a duet that was you and your favourite, your only, beloved San, trumpet player, singer, an artist through and through. The man with a dream and the resolve to achieve it. You had promised to one another that one of these days, you will see yourselves as the makers of a new oasis. Your own corner in the glimmering canyons of steel to serve as a sunny safe haven for jazzists from all walks of life. You as the owner of the new Blue Note, him as the first man on the stage. This was the future towards which you both strode, and alongside it, a heavenly devotion bloomed.

As you rocked in a sweet embrace, it was impossible to imagine anything more right. Arms around his torso and hidden from the nighttime breeze by his jacket, you sank into San’s reassuring heartbeat and loving warmth. Caught in a trance, he pressed you impossibly close as though he had not seen you in an agonising ‘forever’, and ran his fingers through your hair while a hand rested on the back of your head. The brilliant, cascading tresses that still retained some of the aroma of the cordials and syrups you often used at your job, despite the top notes being yours, and consequently, his favourite shampoo. He admired the way in which it reflected the sunset captured in the apartment, only half a flight away, a golden luminescence that made him all the more convinced that this was where the glowing, comforting star had found safety to rest. After walking through the town that was enveloped in dark hues, passing by dingy shops and streets in dire need of tender love and care, he could not help but feel blessed that all that time ago, the sun had risen for him, and all he had the pleasure of experiencing was brighter, lighter, and any trials and tribulations were merely a simple test. He fondly recollected your first meeting, having purposefully made a detour on his journey back to walk past the location that marked the beginning of your history.

“We played at a club a couple of blocks from that place tonight.”

“Where we met?” you asked, nuzzling into the crook of San’s neck and relishing in his soft hum as he continued.

“Mhm. Actually, I walked past it while going home.”

“And?” you inquired, pulling away to glance at San’s cheeky lopsided grin.

“Made me walk faster.” you raised an eyebrow, only making your boyfriend chuckle, the honey-like tone never failing to induce a thrilling flurry in your chest.

“Damn, is it that run down?”

San imitated a pondering stance, looking off to the side before returning to study your very irises, with such attentiveness that you thought he was in a world of his own. And in a way, he was. He was convinced that, for as long as he lived, San’s best view would be exactly this. These eyes that had hypnotised him as they followed his figure from across the bar, these gorgeous orbs that held the moon, the stars, the songs sung and unsung. No matter where he went and no matter what new challenge life threw at him, all he needed was to imagine you and suddenly, everything would fall into place. The young man moved to press his forehead against yours, a strand of hair that grazed his eyebrow tickling your face and causing you to scrunch your nose. The adorable reaction proved to be too much for San’s poor enamoured heart as it skipped a beat, and in an attempt to subdue the overwhelming ache he rubbed his nose against yours.

“Nope, just made me want to see you even more.” he spoke low, focusing only on your shallow, lightly trembling breaths and the intoxicating feeling of his skin against yours. 

“Can you see me now?” you joked, hinting at your closeness, hands moving to graze his sides, trailing down until you could tap his alluring waist with your fingertips, stepping forward until you were practically hip to hip and you could feel the friction of his navy jeans against your skirt.

“I don’t know, Y/N, I think I need to get a little closer…” in one cautious trailing of the jawline, he cupped your face, waited for a tiny nod from you to proceed - something he had always subconsciously done when it came to loving you, and what little space had been left between your bodies was no longer.

Tenderly, like early mist settling on the dazzling midnight sea, he worshipped you with every move. Lost in a sigh, in softest caresses, you indulged in the sweetness of his precious lips, fitting so perfectly with your own. While you had not been a believer in soulmates, the only way in which you could describe the idyllic nature of your coexistence was that it was meant to be. It was as if, even though you had your respective, independent melodies, they oh so seamlessly flowed into one, body and soul. San kissed you as though you were life itself, at such a slow, sultry tempo and yet it set your soul ablaze, caught up in a wild wind. Lost in exploring your lover, you only realised how he gingerly lifted the shirt at its base when his arms brushed against yours, causing you to snicker right against him. Immediately you could feel him retract his tongue and lean back to look at you. Your eyes fluttered open after having automatically given themselves up to a sensory bliss, only to be met with San’s signature pout that was dramatically contrasted by an enticing darkness in his half-lidded orbs.

“What…” he whined barely audibly, only making your smirk deepen.

“Now what about that ‘show’ you were talking about, hm?”

“My shirt, my business.” he attempted to dive back into a kiss, digging his fingers into your sides when you tilted your head back and chuckled.

“My lips, my business.”

“Awh darlin’ don’t tease.” he batted his eyelashes, gaze darting around your face to catch any signs of caving in to his charms. However, even if he tried his hardest, his searches would amount to nothing at all, for you would not be able to get mad at his cute face even if you wanted to. As such, your facade soon dropped and you were seeking him once more.

“Don’t be bossy.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Good- Choi San put me dow-” you yelped as he stepped to the side, and with mischief flashing across his face, hooked you under the knees and supported your back, sweeping you off your feet for good. Careful not to let you hit the stairs, San’s strong arms held you tight against his chest, and he smiled down to give you a cheeky retort.

“Don’t be bossy~” playfully shaking your head, you let your hands find themselves loosely hanging from his neck, and gave into the addictive fiery pecks that he was leaving on your cheek, across your jaw, only to culminate in a deeper, ravishing kiss, punctuated by an unmistakable undercurrent of sensual longing. As your passion ascended into a crescendo, and the heat rising in your bodies was elevating into being unbearable, San breathlessly whispered the shared desire against your reddened lips:

“It’s time to quit stalling, methinks. Yeah?”

“Sounds fine by me.” you agreed, not fearful of sounding eager. Though apparently, that was not enough. While San dipped you forwards, eliciting a giggle and a compliant hooking of the trumpet case with your finger, he tried to correct you.

“Now, fine won’t do.” giving you another quick peck on your cheek, he began climbing towards the fifth floor, though you were certain that he was spending more time studying you than checking if he was stopping at the right level. Not bothering to mention the mug that had been abandoned, concluding that the beverage was always going to be nothing compared to the energy this wondrous love of yours gave you, you simply gave into the boisterous affection.

“Mighty fine.”

“A little better…” he mumbled back while stepping through the open window into your piece of urban heaven.

“Gonna have to work for any more than that, darling.”

“A challenge?”

“An invitation.”

The phrase almost made him falter as he attempted to gather at least some form of coherence before the submitting to your priceless seduction. Setting you back down onto the floor only to return to his hold of your waist, he shadowed your movements as you set the case down. At the first given opportunity, your boyfriend focused and nipped at the sensitive skin right above your exposed collarbone, one hand rising to hastily unbutton the shirt as you gasped at the contact and in a daze, rushed to tug at his jacket. Promptly, the article found itself on the floor, soon joined by the black shirt that you had borrowed and leaving your chest entirely exposed.

Entranced, San let himself be guided by you to the bedroom as he cupped one of your breasts and ran languid circles across the nipple, while catching you once more in a feverish kiss. Upon hearing the hint of a moan, muted by his own mouth, he inadvertently bucked his hips against you, the pressure on the growing arousal making him needy, and desperate for more touch. Stumbling down the corridor, you felt for the doorframe of the bedroom, stopping right underneath and running your hands under San’s black tee and up his abdomen. He obeyed your unspoken wish and gave you the pleasure of watching him undress, the divine, sculpted lines and edges of his body, muscles working overtime under his beautiful sunkissed skin, all in a magnificent dance. Before you could indulge in him once again, you felt a couple of pulls on the fabric of your skirt, and soon enough the elastic band had given in, and rolled down to let the material pile on the floor around you.

San guided your two hazy forms to the bed, hissing as you trailed kisses up his neck, to the side and nipped at his earlobe, your erratic, shallow breaths nearly sending him into a frenzy. Burning skin, each touch turned scalding making heat pool to your core; you saw stars as your boyfriend slipped his hand into your panties and ran two digits across your dripping sex to collect some of the nectar, before starting to rub your aroused clit, teasing it as you shot out to grab a hold of his upper arms for some illusion of stability. Whispering sweet nothings against your skin he laid you down onto the bed sheets; you could swear they had retained some of the warmth where the sun had hit them during its routinely finale, orange streaks stalking across the apartment. Nuzzling into San's neck you muffled your whines by turning your attention to making this moment bloom, lovebite after lovebite.

"Ah… Y/N…" he sighed, voice husky as he shifted in his half-lying posture in an attempt to get at least some friction. As he flicked your clit and glided two fingers into your entrance, curling them exactly how he knew it would drive you closer to your high, you dug your nails into his biceps to resist a tremble and uttered:

"My man, my business."

"Yours, all yours, darlin', just as you're mine." 

"Mhm, ah, San, I'm- cl-" you moaned as he increased his rhythm, the wanton sounds of his digits pumping into your pussy only accelerating you to your orgasm.

"Close? Already, sweetheart?" You could sense a hint of pride in his tone, but could not form any snarky comment, thoughts turned to mush.

"Too good to me, love…"

"Now, now, and I wanted to make you feel even better…" he chided jokingly, lifting your lower half ever so slightly from the bed to slip the wet panties off fully, not once taking his eyes off yours. You tried to reach for his jeans, the erection so painfully obvious that all you could wish for was to give San at least some relief, but to no avail as he intercepted by taking a hold of your wrist, kissing your knuckles lovingly and simply requesting: “Lie back for me, darlin’, won’t you?”

Of course you would not disagree, not when you felt an emptiness from where his fingers had denied you a complete release, leaving your walls clenching around nothing, and desperation approaching an all-time high. Eagerly, you crawled and fell back on the bed, watching his figure follow you until he was hovering dangerously close, clouded over with lust. After resting his hands on your knees and then, at a deliberately slow pace, sliding them down your inner thighs for you to part your legs wider for him, he lowered himself to devour you. Placing a long kiss on your sensitive clit while holding your legs in place so you were in his temporary control, he ran his hot tongue along the length of your fold, stopping to give the bud extra attention with dedicated licking, and sucking until you were melting into the sheets and the only thing escaping your mouth were pathetic moans laced with his name and praises. As if you had been blinded by the sun, you ceased to see any definition in the world around you as your climax crashed down hard and fast, leaving you shaking and crying out for your boyfriend, who, after leaving a tentative trail of open-mouthed kisses on your pulsating core and on each of your thighs, rose to hook you under your back.

“You’re so beautiful, my love…” he cooed as he wrapped you up in a long hug, careful to let you ride out your high in the safety of his arms. He bit his lower lip as your leg accidentally grazed his clothed cock, only to squeeze his eyes shut when the action prompted him to taste you once again, sending his mind into an overdrive.

As you returned to a brighter lucidity, you gingerly fiddled with the button on San’s jeans, and proceeded to free him of their confines with the lowering of the zipper. Unable to restrain yourself from feeling the hardness of his length, you palmed it through the cotton briefs that were already showing traces of his pre-cum, and pulled down the waistband to let it spring free.

“Oh, San, please, why wait so long, you must be so on edge, I’m sorry baby…” you mumbled, lifting your hand to collect some spit, then wrapping it around his member. Instinctively his hips bucked towards you as you pumped him, barely registering how close San’s face was to yours.

“‘s alright, Y/N, but if you could… mh… kiss it better? May I?”

“Of course.”

You could taste the remnants of your orgasm on his lips and tongue, but only momentarily as he hungrily explored you. Low grunts and breathy moans fell from his mouth, only to be swallowed by your newly blooming desire for more. Deepening the kiss, you absorbed his moan as you sped up the movements of your other hand. Unable to resist the building frustration any longer, San brushed your arm and tilted his head back to show you his eyes - glazed over, full of raw want.

“I need you.”

“How?”

“I need your pussy, sweetheart.” you slowed down, teasing the tip of his cock as he gripped your hips, a coy smile dancing across your features.

“Didn’t you just have it?”

“Not enough, it seems.”

“I think we can do something about that… tell me how you want me.”

“Ride me.”

“Be my guide.”

Nodding, moved to the edge of the bed on his knees, and slid down until he was in a seated position. He motioned for you to come closer, helping you understand his wish. Raising yourself from how you had been positioned, you crept towards your boyfriend, cautiously throwing a leg over his lap until your core was millimetres away from his throbbing member. San’s hands found your ass and gave you a few nudges towards him, while you ran your fingers through his dishevelled locks, a shy smile gracing you as you thought back to how pristine he had managed to look when he had been in the stairwell. Now, he was perfect. When you tapped him to suggest your readiness, San took his cock to slot it into your entrance and with a couple of adjustments, he bottomed out inside you. Sighs combined into a single, intimate breath as his length pressed against your walls, and you rose into an unimaginable euphoria.

Foreheads pressed against one another, neither of you wanted to rush, instead succumbing to a darkness behind your eyelids and focusing exclusively on the other senses. How your inhales and exhales were equally as shallow, how the light tinge of sweat had mixed with the dark accords of his perfume - one that, after having made the step to live together, now almost permanently lingered on your skin, how the contact was every bit like being wrapped in the golden glow of a sunset. You peeked at San, catching him still in a trance, and admired how the light from the ceiling lamp out in the corridor highlighted his sharp and alluring features, all contrasted by the softest, plushest lips which you gave into the instinct to peck. 

Your boyfriend gazed up at you, breaking into a heart-melting smile. Little did you know, he was counting his blessings and had to consciously remind himself that somehow you were not a sun goddess. Perhaps in disguise. You were the melody he would never get tired of hearing, the dawn and dusk that he would always greet and cherish. His muse and guiding light.

“My sun…” he pecked your cheek, flicking his nose against it while restraining himself from acting rashly. Not tonight. Tonight was all about you and him. Together.

“The light of my life…” kissing the other cheek, he groaned as you grinded your hips to have your chest almost flush against him.

“My Y/N,” “My San,”

You whispered in unison, looking at one another with an unequivocal tenderness and adoration. Two seamlessly blending into one, you did not need the days to guide you. Existing in a glittering bliss, before either of you was an angel of light. Truthfully, there need not be anything more. Only the sound of jazz to give you rhythm, and the radiance of your mutual enamourment. 

As you began to ride his member, you took immeasurable pleasure in seeing San’s face contort into that of ecstasy. The fluidity of the motion rivalled that of waves that lapped the distant shores of a paradise. The oncoming bubbling of a climax that threatened to drown you in a sensual unravelling left you lost at sea, with only the rays of your favourite star enveloping you. Rocking your hips, you felt his cockhead hitting your ideal spot over and over, and whenever you would need a break, he would soothe you with a feathery touch. 

The leisurely pace proved to be a build up to unfathomable ruin, as the clenching of your pussy around his hard length left San’s thoughts in a total disarray. He could not register the most basic things around him, jutting into you without a single decipherable word spilling from his lips. He gripped onto you harder, silently begging you to take him deeper, faster as his high became more imminent and he could barely hold on.

“Darling, you’re… I-I swear…”

“Ah… yes? What?”

“Can I? Please, love…”

“Yes, Sannie, please- ah!” he thrusted his hips with a newfound vigour, practically lifting you to give himself space to accelerate. The sudden change of pace sent curls of pleasure to the knot that had been building in your core, leaving you like putty in San’s hold.

“Fuck yes, Sa-an-ie… please…” lewd moans filled the bedroom as his member snapped into you with the exact beat that would send you into a frenzy. Falling apart over him, your pants rapidly turned into high-pitched whines as you could feel yourself approaching the edge to your undoing.

Just as he began to falter, you fell between his head and shoulder, shaking as another orgasm overtook you. The spasming of your sex sent him into uncontrollable pleasure and with a final few snaps of the hips, San kept you still on his cock as hot ropes of cum painted your inner walls. Embracing you like you were the most fragile being on the Earth, he glanced at you even in his half-consciousness to check if you were comfortable. Elated when you returned his regard with an elated grin, San beamed right back, giving you a quick peck before hugging you even tighter, attempting to slow his breathing while his length was still pulsating, surrounded by a divine warmth.

“So unreal… so, so marvellous, Y/N.” that seemed to reel you back from the wonderfully overwhelming sensation, and you brushed your cheek against his. Silence. Two bodies connecting, not needing the light as they lived in the afterglow. Listening to San’s heartbeat, your temple against his, you mumbled:

“I would never leave.”

“Then don’t. I would never let you go anyways.”

“Then I guess you’ll have to carry me to the bathroom.”

“I’ll even hold you in the shower.”

“Oh how romantic.” you tried to shift, only eliciting a groan from San as he cautiously moved you back, a sheepish grin on his features.

“You know what, darlin’, let’s stay like this for a bit, yeah?”

“Fine by me.”

“Fine?”

“Very, very, very fine.”

Once the two of you had in part returned from your post-coital utopia, and San kept his promise and carried you around the entire apartment as though showing you off to every piece of furniture and every wall, you were clean, fuzzy from the perfectly warm shower, and wrapped up in fresh bed sheets which you had playfully commanded for San to lay down.

After having given up on immediately settling down to sleep, you and San had dissolved into a giggly mess. You had convinced him to bring his trumpet into the room and let you have another go at playing it - even though these attempts had already likely accumulated into hundreds - without much progress. At the moment, the one piece which you could confidently play was ‘a whole lot of nothing and painfully blown out air’. As you tried for the umpteenth time to produce as much as one hint of a note, you were distracted by a sudden ‘oohing’ from your boyfriend, who was watching you unwaveringly.

“What?” you lowered the trumpet and raised an eyebrow.

“That was an indirect kiss, darlin’.”

“Come on, San, what in the world-” you hit his chest playfully and attempted to return the instrument, “I’m out here huffing and puffing and that’s what you’re thinking about?”

“Mhm, and so much more…”

“Choi San.” you addressed him sternly, though nothing in your expression even remotely suggested that you meant it.

“Fine, fine, want me to show you again and proper?”

“You know what, I think I practised enough for today.” you handed him the instrument, restraining your laughter while he returned it to its case, clipping it shut and setting it aside on the bedside table closest to him.

“Well done, Y/N.” he praised you, though a hint of sarcasm did not go unnoticed.

“Yeah, yeah, laugh at me as much as you want, but you still can’t make a bloody mary.” you pointed out, making San jut out his lower lip and nod in agreement.

“Fair.”

He opened his arms wide, leaning back onto the large pillows to invite you to rest against his bare chest, an offer which you simply would never refuse. Snuggling up to him, you were in seventh heaven. One arm over his torso and the other propping you up so you would be level, you doubted that there could be anything that felt more safe, more comforting and more adoring than this. Feeling him rubbing unrushed, lulling circles on your back, accompanied by the rustling of cotton, you wanted to dissolve in this moment, your molecules reflecting onto every surface until this was all you knew.

“Y’know, I’m s’posed to have a gig next week that’s gonna cover at least three month’s rent.” he broke through the quietude with the exciting news, making you immediately look up at him, gleaming.

“What? No way, who?”

“Some bigshot from uptown wants music for his party. And who am I to refuse?”

“Damn, San, that’s amazing-”

“And, and, and, they were looking for a mixologist to make the magic happen, so if you are happy to accept, the man’s asked me to call him back tomorrow noon,” the continuation left you stunned, and you wrapped a leg around your boyfriend, embracing him until you could barely breathe.

“WHAT? San, no you didn’t I… thank you? How? I mean…” you stumbled over your words, trying your hardest to not squeal at the opportunity.

“No words needed, lovely. See? We’re gonna save up for that wedding dress in no time.”

He stated casually, but the words sent butterflies into your stomach. You had discussed official commitment early on, deciding that this was to be in your plans for certain, but considering your careers, your desires and your dreams, you wanted to find that golden sliver of stability before taking that next step. Though, as months ticked by, you could tell San’s motivation grew stronger and stronger to be able to call you his wife.

“Oh Sannie, but I told you that I don’t need anything fancy, I just need you.” you responded, trying to provide reassurance that either way, happiness was guaranteed; but it appeared that in the ghost of an intimate night, your boyfriend found entertainment in misconstruing your words into a lustful implication.

“Say that again and you are not getting out of bed for that morning shift.” you hit his chest so faintly that there was barely any impact before hiding your face against him, not reappearing until San brushed some hair away from your face and cupped your chin, “Darlin’, I just wanna have, and live a life with you. Many lives. More than.” melting into his touch, you wiggled upwards, closer to him.

“We’ll make it.” San nodded at your resolution, glancing out into the corridor - although the lamp that had provided the sun-like hues had long been turned off, the heat of your passion prolonged its echoes.

“It’s us we’re talkin’ ‘bout, it’s written out for us. And if not, we’ll take the pen and write it. You promised I’ll be the first to play at your bar… opening night.”

You took in the adoration in his eyes, while San delighted in the same feeling that was held in your own.

“Of course. And you said that the song you’ll sing will be the one you wrote for me.” barely audible, you answered, getting closer and closer to the sun that you knew would never burn you and instead only help you amplify your shine.

“The whole set, love. My all.”

[thespectrespecss]

MAYBE WE GOT LOST IN TRANSLATION

Yet another Taylor Swift-titled blog. Dear self, if you're reading this sometime in the future, today, you discovered and accepted that everything isn't always what it seems, and anything is possible in prayer. But you realize more that everything isn't what it seems. Clarity is kindness. So, even with your own actions, it pays to be careful. *sigh*

Anyway, hi. After my well-intended sapilitang rest, I couldn't find the time to blog to accomplish backlogs for ministry. But I have recently been having good devotion times, especially following John Bevere's Wilderness Lesson Series. I really am getting a good revelation on the wilderness season with this series. It gives me more reason to be grateful for the things I have, where I am, and the people I'm with now. It's not a feel-good series, though. I feel so convicted, seen, exposed, and called out... God has a way of speaking the right words to you at the right time and season. It's up to you how you'll receive it. In my case, I'm at a "stubborn-kid-covering-her-ears" phase. Hehe. Not something I'm proud of. There's just this irrational fear of having to go through what I have to go through. Suntukan with Holy Spirit. But I know I'm kept steady by my loving Heavenly Father. Makulit lang si anteh. Just really praying for more strength to overcome. So much of what's in front of me is in a blur to almost zero visibility. It's like stepping into a void where you don't know where you're going or what's going to happen; am I going to get lost in an endless void? Am I going to be entering a parallel universe where we all get to live perfectly holy? Am I going to suddenly enter hell? Will I be seeing aliens? Endless questions, but God reveals in parts... and so I have no idea but I have impressions here and there. What are we doing now, God? How are we going to do this? Are we coming in slowly, carefully, gently? Or are we plunging in with a big splash? My mind is a mess right now. Still, I put my trust in the one who has already gone before me. Someone who has already seen what is ahead will guide me and be with me, lighting my path.

Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. - Psalm 23:4

I am thankful to be in this kind of intimacy with the one who knows me best. Grabe, God! Mahal mo 'ko?

*Sigh* So how about I recap some stuff that happened the past few days to put them here for memoriezzzz.

After my rest, I joined the painting day to prepare for our upcoming kids conference. I am proud to say I drew the things on these boards, plus 3 more boards with faces with different emotions. Almost forgot how happy coloring things make me. Also, I never knew I could do big art! This was a first, and it filled me up so much! Happy I got to do something I love for the ministry I love.

Discovered a new cafe. It's so perfect for co-working. Also got cool music played at just the right time. They usually blast Taylor Swift, perfect for my emo afternoons while working. Sometimes, they'll play my guilty pleasure opm (adie, arthur nery, etc). They also have very friendly crew. Coffee is an 8/10 for me-- nothing special but it doesn't taste bad. I also like their iced teas-- perfect for when I can't drink coffee after 3PM (hack to sleeping early). Hoping fewer people go here haha. Really enjoy just having my peace, quiet, and coffee here.

Started Saturday by people-watching as I waited for my friend to walk into the Prophetic Masterclass we're having in the church near this area. A little stoked with how the day will turn out but also a little nervous with what God is about to reveal. Agck. See next pic for a glimpse of the revelation...

Yep. Got this tattooed on my wrist in March and got prayed for Fear to be out of my body and out of my system during the sessions. I really felt as if good physically pulled something out of me. It was momentous and I always get in awe of God's peace and comfort when he just makes me tangibly feel all these.

Got a little distracted in the class because of this lady's cute earrings. I mean, LOOK AT IT!!! ORANGES!!!!! I love it so much. It's obviously handcrafted so it makes me love it more.

I really had a good week this week. I'm about to do some egress/ingress for some stuff to be transported from one mall to another for tomorrow's service... But I am so grateful for rest. Even when they had to threaten me to do it. I feel bad not being able to help but knew I needed the rest.

Thank God for always sustaining me even when I can't stand out of exhaustion. He's the best and I wouldn't ask for anything else. I just love being in his presence.

Loved this week, really. Thanking God for Rest. <3 --- Here's a selfie to cap this

[tarotwithdanise]

Your future spouse hobbies or likes

꒰⠀from left to right ; intuitively choose the pile your mind, heart and soul desire for. if you are having trouble choosing the right pile for you, here’s some tips you can do ; (1) take a deep breath (2) close your eyes (3) ask guidance from your guides (4) finally open your eyes and you can choose the right pile for you by the guidance you ask from your guides. if you are still having trouble by choosing the right pile for you let me know because i am willing to help and guide you.

Pile one

This person loves to hiking a lot, and probably this is the most prefer to do when they have free time. Aftermath, if they reached the top, they probably sit, watch the world, and relax there while sipping a drink like coffee, tea and other drinking contents. Also, their other hobbies are planting and surfing. This person appreciates the beauty of nature; they're truly nurturers. They might also have a bird as a pet and be into gothic styles. This person loves the genre of fantasy, like in books and movies; they like the idea of witch spells. Mostly, this person's favorite color is green; for few number of you, it might be red. This person can be an earth sign (Capricorn, Virgo, and Taurus), or you're the one who's an earth sign. I'm also getting some fire signs (Aries, Leo, and Sagittarius). Furthermore, their uranus or mercury was in Virgo and they always felt comfortable being barefooted.

Pile two

This person likes to drink coffee; they may even drink more than two a day. They like the ideas of night, stars, moon, and galaxy, and they also love the idea of being in love—they might daydream about this a lot. They will be the homie type of person; they love to sleep and stay at home when they prefer relaxation. One of their hobbies is playing chess or anything related to problem-solving, examples: crosswords, puzzles, mathematics, coding, computer programming, video games and many more to add. They love to seeing a rainbow after the rain, or they might be a part of the LGBTQ+ community or if they not, they support these people. This person is very talented and creative; they really have a lot of hobbies. They might be into drawing or photography. For few of you, I'm getting that they might have a collection of shoes that mostly color of black, as well I'm getting that they like the pastel colors, pastel ones are their favorites. They might also wear head cups, hats and well, especially berets. They might own a very special or specific wrist watch. They love stargazing.

Pile three

Most of you in pile three have a FS that is more masculine energy. If this is a man, they will have a tattoo on their left arm. This person likes to wear red and this can also indicates that this is maybe their favorite color. This person likes to wear accessories especially with different kinds of rings and necklaces. They can be travellers too they may prefer to travel by water most of the time. They also love the sea or they maybe someone who live near the sea and a beach or if not, there's something nearby huge water element on their living area. This person is really religious; they like attending religious places or houses of worship like churches, temples, mosques, or synagogues. One of their hobbies is writing songs, poems, or letters—they maybe even be writers of some kind. For some reason, I'm getting the idea that this person might be pursuing or working in the medicine or medical field. If they have a partner they like physical intimacy.

Pile four

This person is someone who lives in the countryside or in a place where there is a wide farm. One of their hobbies is cooking; they might be chefs, and they like planting and gardening too. Also, this person may like to go camping in the forest. You might be attracted to the first pile since this person also likes hiking. They usually giving me the energy of a mysterious individual and I don't why, this is maybe because they doesn't want to show off their face to me since all of the cards are facing back. However, this person will be confident and hard-working; if they want to achieve something, they will do everything to achieve it. As i said that they love to cook, they might also love eating. They like to wear big and loose clothing. If they're women, they love to style their hair in a way of pigtails or if not with different styles of buns and then put accessories on it for example headbands and clips. Furthermore, they like to wear simple sandals than shoes. They maybe someone who go out at night to play at casinos.

Pile five

Your future spouse's hobbies are dancing and partying with their friends. This person is always present when there is a party; they might be a social butterfly. For some of you, I get that they love to bond with your own family when you have free time. People see this person as someone who doesn't have problems and always present to have fun, but no, dude, they have secrets that they don't tell to others, even close ones. They also interested in mythology. They might be into travel and investing; they can be businessmen or women; they gain and attract money easily because they have great knowledge when it comes to business transactions. They might also like horseback riding or playing polo, and for some, they might have a tattoo on one of their feet. In addition, they also like to wear black shoes.

Pile six

This person's hobby is that they love to read books; they might be bibliophiles or bookworms. They love learning and gaining knowledge. They always have space for learning and reading; they also like meditating and sleeping. Someone who likes to watch anime, netflix, and chill. They will be good at playing guitar, especially the electric one. One of their hobbies too is singing; they might do it every night at a small bar or, if not anything connected to performing, something like that. They often curl their hair because they think it suits them well. They typically someone who will own a motorcycle, and they might have the fashion style of a bad girl or boy.

© tarotwithdanise ── all rights reserved. do not copy, translate, alter, or repost my work with or without my explicit permission.

[tojikai]

*Tojikai has an update

Me:  I          AM          SPEED

I read it all in a span of 15 to 30 minutes and I'm regretting it now bc I want more. This chapter is like the calmness before the storm and because of that, us reader defenseless ass (and (Y/N)) is about to be caught off in it once again. Truly, another "sike" moment from Kai.

First of all, if PM!Gojo is a frog, I would like to put him on the operation and dissect him on it just to see what's going on with this man. I know PM!Satoru is very egotistical and selffish but this chapter really shows it.

"He wanted you to open your eyes just to see you look so lovingly at him for the very last time before he runs away with someone else." This part makes me want to reach through the screen and slap this hoe silly bc while I understand that is just his wishful thinking, it shows that a part of him still wants to have his cake and eat it too. He still can't make up his mind about his feeling for her but he still wants her love despite being the one betraying her and still wanting to return to his side hoe. Pray to god that those thoughts are just thoughts bc I might gone apeshit if it happens otherwise.

“After all, you’ve always wanted her, right?”  THIS GODDAMN LINE, FOR SOME REASONS, GIVES ME SO MUCH WHIPLASH I ALMOST DISMISSED IT AS A THROWAWAY LINE FROM SATORU UNTIL I WAS LIKE "HOLD ON". Is this a confirmation from our beloved Kai? That Suguru still has a part in the competition? I know some readers want Y/N to heal first and maybe, just be happy by herself at the end of this fic. But I can't help it. Suguru has shown how much of a chad he is in this chapter for truly caring for Y/N as a friend first and putting his personal feelings aside for the sake of it. He's not like you, Satoru so maybe, keep your advice to yourself?

Y/N... Girl... Oh man, seeing her just struggling around with her wrecked mental health is just so heartbreaking. She's still yearning for Satoru and I'm pretty sure if the asshole suddenly pulled up, she would go back to him right away. She's still too weak against him. Y/N is definitely the type to get herself easily into a toxic and abusive relationship, and this is just Satoru we're talking about here. But I was glad to see that she has learned (or at least tried to) to accept that Satoru is no longer hers and tried to get used to it, and maybe move on... until the very last part which gave me so much dread bc it could regress all the deveplopment she has gone through. Satoru is going to fuck it all up and I just know it in my heart bc the bar for Hoejo is in hell. It always a party whenever you're around, Hoejo.

I never expected to be free from the hoe Rie and this entire chap gave me that false sense of security before you popped it off with the Satan herself showing up right at her stolen man's best friend's house???? Like what tf is she doing here? Okay, but I think there are two possible reasons for it.

1. Rie, being a clingy bitch herself, wants tag along and be with her boyfriend 24/7 for some reasons and maybe uses this chance to befriend and win over Suguru, his best friend, and to make up for the bad impression she has made.

2. Hoejo is just that brazen and insensitive and as far as I remembered, he, Suguru and Y/N used to have their own bonding moment which is playing billiards? And Hoejo wants to visit him to have their bonding too but with Rie this time.

....Or maybe, and I really hate for this to be true, since you have incorporated the underboob tattoo from an anon, you have also decided to give either HoeRie or Hoejo the idea of getting matching tattoos or some shit. I lean towards Rie more (I'm not biased here bc this couple can always do so much worse together) bc she's probably so insecure that she wants a physical mark, a reminder that Satoru will always be hers, and she wants to push their relationship to the stage. Also, getting matching couple tattoos feel too much of an intimacy and a level of commitment for the current Satoru to be able to handle. I mean, look at his discarded 5 years relationship with Y/N. Do you think this hoe feel comfortable enough with that towards his nearly 2-month infatuation? But he will probably go along with it anyway bc of Rie's insistence and reassure her.

I hate Rie and I know I sound like I'm being biased against her bc of that, but from what I've seen of her so far, the above feels like it can become a reality. Maybe I'm just being paranoid and thinking it up like conspiracy theories, but we will never know when it comes to you here, Kai :).

Finally, Hoejo's reaction in the last part. His seemmingly outrageous reaction... Very curious, indeed. He's shocked and mad probably bc he has misunderstood the situation (again), and it's either bc: 

1. He warned Suguru not to take advantage of Y/N in her vulnerable moments and this scene is his worries and fears becoming true.

2. Combined with the first reason, he's also jealous of Suguru. I have noticed that Satoru always emotional when it comes to Y/N and Rie, but it's even clearer in the former's case. And his ego and pride took a massive hit from seeing this.

All in all, shove its up your ass, asshole. You have no rights to be mad. You literally came to Suguru's front door with your side hoe next to you when he hasn't shown any sign of being comfortable with her yet. Do you even know shame? And although it's just a misunderstanding, you are going to take it and suck it up if you just so happen to walk into Suguru and Y/N getting it on for real.

Okay, but... OMG! NOT CLICKBAIT! SUGURU VS SATORU BRAWL IS REAL!??! Are we getting it in the next chapter??? I know it's too god to be true but with how the last part is, it's a perfect set up for that sfadghkjjljljljljljkjeas. THIS CHANCE IS HARD TO COME BY SFSDSOJPKPKPKK

There are too many possibilities for what about to happen so I will refrain from saying it in this ask bc it will be very long and it's all speculation anyway. But I know for sure how Satoru will deal with this will be incredibly important. His irrational anger was what caused Y/N to be sent to the hospital after all. And it might affect his relationship with both Suguru and Rie if he does jump into conclusion this time. I really want Y/N to stand her ground and calmly explain the situation to him but the sight of him with Rie combined with his impulsiveness probably won't allow that to happen :((. He better not getting mad at Y/N 😠. She and Suguru are innocent. Kai, when will my girl get to have her own peace? This just can't keep happening to her. She won't be able to move on if the thorns named Gojo Satoru is not getting rid of. LET HER FIGHT BACK.

Anyways, thank you for another exciting chapter and preparing us for the next ;). Also, please don't let yourself feel pressured about updating. Everyone on here has been nice so far but I know some people are more impatient than another, but they should use this chance to learn how to wait. Write at your own pace and you won't feel burn out that way. Have a good day and good week, Kai 😘😊

ooooh im loooooving thisss :> your analyses are always on point !! 👀 about yn's healing process, she has progressed a lot, albeit not even in the half, considering what happened to her, she's a lot better now. she's more carefree and her acceptance of what happened between her and satoru helped a lot with leaving her vices behind and instead focusing on whatever she has beside her, like shoko and sugu !! and yeah, the couple tattoos for rie and satoru is not impossible 👁️ and if that happens, that would definitely break yn, bc in 5 years that satoru and her were together, he never got something like that w her :(( it might take her a few steps back. and yes, how Satoru will deal with that situation can really change a lot but how yn deals with it can affect things a LOT too !! :> this is such an interesting read, you never miss!!

thank you so much for the kind words, bb~🥺♥️ much appreciated !! please, take care of yourself as well and i hope you're having an amazing week !! <33

[garbinge]

I really don’t know if I’m ready for this, I’ve been foaming at the mouth waiting to read this but now that its here I am like so giddy and excited and nervous to get into it!!!!

His heartrate was beginning to speed up inside his chest, his grip on the edges of the box tightening, knuckles turning white. He stared harder at the papers in his eyeline, barely blinking as he began to spiral.

Before he got taken too far away, there was a knock on the doorframe of the office that jolted him back to reality, back to the present instead of the montage of memories that was starting to kick up at the forefront of his mind. Pasting an entire paragraph and a half here but this is literally perfectly in line with canon, like this the cut- the break in tension - I see it happening so fucking clearly, God, Tay!!!!!

“Of course he put that in there.” Yep, this is my nerves because this line makes me want to scream and kick my feet and giggle and sfhagjkshfgkjhfjdkfh.

I am still giggling, Carmy explaining and backpedaling and just getting tripped up. You are down bad my g <3

Not me only two seconds into this reading this line: Each day, Luca spoke to him a little more. And being like okay NOW KISSSSSS

Carmy tossed him the lighter, a smirk curling his lips as he watched Luca fumble to catch it in time. The same man whose hands moved at the speed of light when it was about knives and cutting boards struggled to spark up a lighter. Skdjahkjghajdkfs GOD I AM FEELING THINGS this is so cute alksjdfkhdkjahjk

“why are you staying in a place that’s making you pretend to take up smoking?” “Why are you in a place that made you take it up for real?” I live for dialogue like this man, I also love that despite being low-key in an embarrassing situation, which, Carry did such a sweet job not making him feel that embarrassed, but I love that Luca is still so quick to give it right back. As he should!!!

felt like some secret that they were the only ones in on. Luca never tried another cigarette, and Carmy was glad for that in a way that he didn’t know how to articulate. Tay teach me your descriptor ways please. This hits me so emotionally in such few sentences and I just want to cry.

the words felt like marbles in his mouth again, the above note.

“Just wanna cook for someone who won’t yell at you, yea?” Honestly felt that from every kitchen scene in the bear lol

I love that Luca is just nosing around like same, my dude. I be NOSY.

running his hand up along the inside of his bicep. He pushed the sleeve of his t-shirt up, fingers grazing over the tattoo the intimacy of this and like it’s his own arm it’s not even them touching like kjfaksdhjk.

“Klepto.” Okay I know this is a carmy fic, but every so often I see Lip Gallagher in Carmy in canon and I love that it carries into the pic world too because this line is Lip-coded.

“New York, I think. Probably.” These lines Tay. They are so perfect. I hear them so directly from these characters. “Might wanna firm up those plans a bit.” Like literally. “Yea, no, I mean, I’m, I’m locked in. For sure.” Like literally literally.

NOT THE USE OF THE NICKNAMEEEEEEE YES NOW KISSSS <3

movements more assured than Carmy had ever been in his life, could ever hope to be, and suddenly the suffocating feeling of it all was gone GOD they deserve that so much.

Oh my gosh. The phone call. I know we talked about it but reading it just is fucking hitting me. Like to be so far away from the person you care about when they’re having a moment and wanting nothing more than to be there but its also still weird and new and you haven’t talked in so long and you’ve just woken up so you’re a little all over, I just– how many more times can I slam my keyboard keys?? Sdalhajkfhgjkah

Everything in Copenhagen. Everything. If I pulled things from it I simply would be pasting the whole pic over again. I just, I cannot stress how much I love this pairing, how you write them, how low-stakes it is but also how high emotion it is. The banter over baking the pastry, over the tattoos, them falling into this rhythm!!!!! THE CONVO ABOUT THE CAT ITS JUST SO ORGANIC AND REAL AND CANON AND HEARTWARMING.

The ending I just. I want nothing but good times and love and peace for these two and I just simply cannot say it enough. This was BEAUTIFUL, this was so warm and soft and pure and real and honestly I want to read this over and over again and live in a bubble on a boat in Copenhagen. I just love every detail you poured into this, every connection, every character dialogue and research into inflection, words, tone, and how they’d interact together and tie backs, and full circle moments. I just simply could melt away. Bravo, Tay, bravo.

Closing the Gap

Carmy Berzatto x Luca

Summary: As everyone tries to get things under control for the construction and eventual opening of The Bear, Carmy inadvertently gets sent on a trip down memory lane. A series of flashbacks to a different time, with different people. Or, really, just one different person.

Warnings: 18+, language, light angst, smoking, pining, implied smut

Word Count: 10k

A/N: It's a 10k Carmy/Luca fic and honestly I think that's all there is to say about it 😂

The Bear Taglist: @garbinge @withmyteeth @narcolini @justreblogginfics (If you want to be added to any of my taglists, please let me know!)

Carmy was staring down at the box of paperwork that he’d just set on Sugar’s desk in the office. He wasn’t really reading the tabs on the folders in front of him. His mind was running at a mile a minute and it was getting farther and farther away from the office, and The Bear in general, with each passing second.

His heartrate was beginning to speed up inside his chest, his grip on the edges of the box tightening, knuckles turning white. He stared harder at the papers in his eyeline, barely blinking as he began to spiral.

Before he got taken too far away, there was a knock on the doorframe of the office that jolted him back to reality, back to the present instead of the montage of memories that was starting to kick up at the forefront of his mind. Clearing his throat, his eyes went wide for a second before looking over his shoulder to see who was knocking to get his attention.

Marcus was standing in the doorway, holding a book in his hand. He had his beanie and a t-shirt on, no apron yet. Carmy assumed that he must’ve just gotten in. Prying his fingers away from the edges of the box, he turned around so that he could face Marcus completely.

“What’s up, Marcus?” he asked as he perched himself on the edge of the desk, trying to look more put together than he felt.

Marcus held the book up. “Just bringing this back.”

Carmy’s eyes widened slightly as he chuckled. “Done with it already?”

Marcus nodded, a shy smile on his face for a moment before he said, “There’s a lot of really cool stuff in there.” He paused. “You know how to do all this?” He shook the book a bit to emphasize his point.

Carmy shrugged, nonchalant the way he always was whenever he talked about the things he’d done, the things he was good at. “Most of it, yea.”

Marcus chuckled as he shook his head, knowing without even having to ask or comment on it that the man standing across from him was downplaying things to an almost criminal degree. “I’ll settle for getting good at some of it.”

His hands came to rest in his lap, fighting the urge to fidget, the urge to reach for a cigarette. He didn’t even really want one in that moment, but it would’ve given him something to do. Forcing his hands to still, he looked at Marcus. “I’ve got some more at my place. I’ll bring them in for you.”

Marcus nodded, clearly enjoying the thought of that. More books. More inspiration. More ideas. “Thanks, chef.” He stepped farther into the office so that he could hand the book back to Carmy. As he was about to hold the book out to him, recognition flashed across his face, like the finally got the grasp on a memory he’d been trying to recall. “Oh, shit, yea, I almost forgot.” He opened the front cover of the book and pulled out an old, somewhat wrinkled, piece of paper. “This was tucked in one of the pages.”

Carmy’s brows knit together as he reached out to take the paper. His expression eased almost immediately as he looked at it, going from concerned, to puzzled, to amused. His entire body relaxed, posture softening as he looked at the collection of doodles and drawings all over the paper.

“Shit,” Carmy said with a soft chuckle. “Of course he put that in there.”

Now it was Marcus’s turn to look confused. “Who?”

Carmy shook his head slightly, lips still twitching as he fought back a smile. “This, this guy, this kid I was a commis with. We, uh,” he laughed quietly, “we kept ending up in the same spots.” He gestured to the book that was still in Marcus’s hand. “He got that for me. We, we both…yea.”

Marcus gestured to the rumpled piece of paper that Carmy was holding. “He draw those?”

Carmy laughed a little harder at that, almost a real, full laugh. “No, no. I mean…not, not really.” His eyes dropped back down to the page, looking at the smudged ink and eraser marks left behind by both him and Luca. “Most of these are mine. He’d try, then I’d, you know, I’d fix it.”

Marcus chuckled. Of course on top of everything else, Carmy could draw. Sure, he thought silently to himself, why not? Why wouldn’t that also be something else that his boss could do, and do well?

He could see it in Carmy’s face that the book, the drawings, whatever memories were attached to them, were taking him somewhere else. Marcus had no intention of trying to pry. So he cleared his throat, offering the book over to Carmy. “Thanks again.”

Looking up, Carmy nodded as he took the book from Marcus. “No problem.”

He barely even noticed the fact that Marcus was leaving. One the book was in his hands, Carmy immediately cracked it open. It had been one in a stack of many that he’d given to Marcus the week before. The Bear had become a library of sorts with how many books were being swapped out among the chefs there. It was good. All of it was good. But as Carmy flipped through the pages of the pastry book he was holding, for a few precious minutes he was no longer standing in the middle of the construction zone that was The Bear.

**

“I’m Luca, by the way,” he said as he tied the apron strings behind his back.

Carmy pulled his gaze up from the floor, face scrunching for a split second as he got out of his own head and took in what was actually happening in front of him. “What?”

“Luca.” his hands dropped back to his sides as he looked at Carmy, a bare hint of a smile on his face. “My name’s Luca.”

Carmy nodded, finally processing it all as he finished putting on his own apron. “Carmy.”

For the rest of that first day, that was the only thing they said to each other that could even try to pass for conversation. The rest of the day was just calling out shorthand to each other, and calling back to the other chefs in the kitchen when they were supposed to.

The controlled chaos of the kitchen felt new and routine all at the same time. Clear directions. Flawless hand-offs. Yelling and cursing when it seemed unnecessary to anyone who didn’t live and breathe it all like the rest of them did. Coils wound so tight that they had no other option but to snap.

Each day, Luca spoke to him a little more. They’d get there early, doing their prep in the silence of the kitchen before everyone else showed up. Carmy never initiated the conversation, but he never brushed Luca off either. Sometimes he would catch a slight bristle in Luca’s tone. He was never out-right antagonistic, never under-handed the way that his family sometimes was at home right before they tried to tear into him. But sometimes there would just be a slight edge to his voice, frustration that didn’t really feel directed at Carmy even though he was the one on the receiving end of it. It never really crossed Carmy’s mind to try and investigate—he’d learned better than to ask people if they were alright or what their problem was.

“You’re really fuckin’ good at this, you know,” Luca said one morning when it was just the two of them at the prep station.

Carmy hesitated, stopping what he was doing for a moment. The sound of the knife against the cutting board died off in an instant. He tilted his head just slightly, not enough to face Luca head-on, but enough to let him know that he was tuned in now. “What?”

“You’re really good at this,” he repeated. He chuckled and shook his head a bit, impressed and almost like he was in disbelief. “I came into this feelin’ pretty good but now,” his eyebrows lifted for a moment, “now I’m thinking that maybe I got a bit too comfortable.”

Despite the confusion on his face, Carmy still smiled. He gave a tiny nod, not sure what else to do. “Right. Well, um, thanks.”

After that, it felt like every time Carmy turned around, Luca was there. It wasn’t bad, it wasn’t suffocating the way that it felt in other restaurants when he had someone breathing down his neck telling him that he was doing something wrong. It felt like Luca was an extension of the same machine that Carmy was. He was there, ready to take the baton for the next part of the never-ending relay that the two of them were in. As time went on, the gap between them never quite closed, but it got more manageable.

Carmy didn’t know if he was overthinking it or not, but he could’ve sworn that he felt a shift in the air around the two of them as the days ticked by. Sometimes he thought that maybe he was just projecting, letting all the years of being home and trying to anticipate everyone’s actions and feelings before they happened bleed into the present where it had no right to be. But other times, he was pretty sure that he was right. Maybe he was a little crazy, but he was almost positive that he was right, that things were changing.

Luca never seemed bothered by it, and there was something about that, that seemed impressive to Carmy. Not that he ever figured out how to say it.

The kitchen hit a small lull after a brutal rush. Letting out a breath Carmy was fairly certain he’d been holding for hours at that point, he made a comment about stepping out for five minutes to smoke a cigarette. He hadn’t thought about how long it’d been since he had one until the chaos lessened and his mind started to wander, his fingers starting to itch for one.

He stepped out back behind the restaurant. The door hadn’t even shut before he was flipping open the top of his pack of cigarettes. He was listening, waiting to hear the clunk of the door closing behind him as he put one between his lips.

When the sound didn’t come, he turned back around, lighter at the ready in his hand but not lit yet. His eyebrows were raised, and he was about to make a snide comment about shutting the door when he saw that it was Luca. The tension in his body eased when he saw the almost sheepish look on Luca’s face as he stepped completely outside, finally letting the door shut.

“Sorry. Just, you know,” he said with a laugh, gesturing over his shoulder in the direction of the kitchen.

Carmy let out a low chuckle as he nodded. “I know.”

He lit his own cigarette before tilting the pack towards Luca, letting the action ask the question for him. There was a brief second of hesitation before Luca reached out and took one cigarette from the pack. Neither of them commented on it.

“Here,” Carmy tossed him the lighter, a smirk curling his lips as he watched Luca fumble to catch it in time. The same man whose hands moved at the speed of light when it was about knives and cutting boards struggled to spark up a lighter.

Luca pulled a drag off the cigarette between his lips and instantly descended into a coughing fit. Carmy chuckled, letting out an easy exhale, smoke streaming out from between his lips as he did. “Do you even smoke?” Luca’s silence spoke volumes and Carmy laughed, a real laugh for the first time in a long time. “Why would you—”

“Only way to get out of there for five minutes,” Luca said, voice strained as he tried to hold back another cough.

Carmy shook his head, leaning and reaching over to take the cigarette away from Luca. “Give me that.” He had a tiny smile on his face still as he snubbed the cigarette out on the ground. He situated himself comfortably back against the wall again, a couple seconds passing before Luca was standing beside him in the same position. “So,” Carmy said, doing his best to initiate conversation the way that Luca always seemed to do so easily, “why are you staying in a place that’s making you pretend to take up smoking?”

Luca chuckled and shook his head. He would’ve been embarrassed if he was the type. “Why are you in a place that made you take it up for real?”

Carmy’s eyebrows shot up for a moment, shock fading into amusement as he took another drag. “Fair.”

Things shifted again after that. Each smoke break that followed that, one where they would both slip out the back and into the alley, felt like some secret that they were the only ones in on. Luca never tried another cigarette, and Carmy was glad for that in a way that he didn’t know how to articulate. They would stand out back, shoulders pressed against the concrete wall behind them. Luca would watch Carmy tap the ashes off the end of his cigarette and Carmy would pretend not to notice him doing it.

“You got plans?” Carmy asked one day as they were both leaving the restaurant.

Luca laughed, shaking his head as he pushed the door open. “Any of us ever have plans?”

The fleeting grin on Carmy’s face was small, shy. “Right.”

Luca’s head tilted slightly, matching Carmy stride for stride as they went down the sidewalk. “Why?”

“Wanna come over?” the words felt like marbles in his mouth and he just hoped that they didn’t sound that way too. “I just. You know, shitty shift.”

Luca grinned. “Just wanna cook for someone who won’t yell at you, yea?”

Carmy let out a sharp exhale through his nose, half a laugh as he felt his cheeks flash hot. “Yea.”

“Sure,” Luca agreed easily.

When they got to Carmy’s apartment, Luca had no problem making himself right at home despite the fact that Carmy had next to nothing filling the space. It wasn’t even like it was a bachelor pad—he just didn’t have furniture.

It didn’t stop Luca from nosing around what little Carmy did have. Carmy tried not to watch him, knowing that there wasn’t really anything that he had to hide per se. But he also couldn’t remember the last time he had someone else in his apartment.

“You draw these?” Luca asked, carefully spreading out the small stack of papers that he saw resting on the edge of Carmy’s counter.

Carmy’s eyes widened at the question. He nodded, instantly trying to busy himself with getting things out of his cupboards to cook with. “Uh, yea. Yea I…yea.”

Luca had a smile on his face as he looked back and forth between Carmy and the drawings, all different dishes. Some of them were ones he recognized from the restaurant, others were thing’s he’d never seen before.

“They’re good.”

“Thanks,” Carmy mumbled as he turned the burner of the stove on.

“Can I ask you something?”

Carmy shrugged, still not looking back over his shoulder at Luca. “Shoot.”

“You draw your tattoos, too?”

He’d never been so glad that Luca couldn’t see the look on his face. “Um, yea. I mean, some of them. Most of them.”

Luca nodded even though Carmy wasn’t looking at him. Subconsciously he reached up, running his hand up along the inside of his bicep. He pushed the sleeve of his t-shirt up, fingers grazing over the tattoo that was inked into his skin there. He wasn’t even looking at his own arm as he turned over the information in his mind, but it was like he could feel it.

Somewhere along the way, that became part of the new routine. After an exceptionally hectic shift, they found themselves eating over the counter in Carmy’s apartment. Luca would nose around. Every now and then if there were blank spaces on sheets of drawing paper, he would put his own doodles there like Carmy wasn’t going to notice. When dinner was done Carmy would laugh, shake his head and start making little shifts, changes to the drawings that Luca started. Both of them would ignore the dishes in the sink and the fact that when Carmy reached over him for the paper and pencil his forearm would rest against Luca’s for all of a few seconds.

“Plans?” Carmy asked one night at the end of their shift.

Luca’s face brightened for a moment at the question. “Yea, actually.”

Carmy’s eyes widened just slightly as he slipped his coat on. “Yea?”

Luca nodded and grabbed his jacket as well. “Tattoo appointment.”

“Right.”

They both walked out the door. “Wanna come?” He saw the hesitation on Carmy’s face. “Won’t take long.”

Carmy sucked in a deep breath as he weighed out the options. “Uh, okay. Yea. Yea, sure.”

They talked on the walk there. Or rather, Luca talked and Carmy listened. He lit up a cigarette on the way. Whether it was because of the nerves or because his hands felt a little too idle, Carmy didn’t know.

“Hey,” the artist greeted Luca with a grin and a handshake that shifted into a quick hug when they entered. The man made a quick introduction to Carmy, who was feeling more and more out of place by the second, before jumping right into business. “So,” he brought Luca over to his work station, “you said that you had an idea?”

“Yea,” Luca nodded, reaching into the pocket of his jeans and pulling out a crumpled piece of paper. Clearly it had been unfolded and refolded numerous times. He handed it over to the artist, whose eyes were instantly darting all over the paper because of all the different drawings crammed onto the paper. He pointed to one that was off towards the side of the paper. “That one.”

Carmy’s eyes looked like they were about to pop clean out of his skull as he watched the entire interaction play out in front of him. “Luca,” he finally forced out, eyes rapidly darting back and forth between the paper, Luca’s face, and the place on Luca’s arm that he was gesturing to, “wh-what, what are you doing?”

“What?” Luca responded easily, like this was all the most normal thing in the world.

“You’re not—are you—?” Carmy couldn’t force out a full sentence.

Luca smiled, that same expression that seemed to come so easily to him. “Yea.”

Carmy had so much that he wanted to say about it, but it was like all of the words piled up and got stuck at the back of his throat. Instead of saying anything, he just nodded. When the smile on Luca’s face got a little wider, it became a little harder to be as nervous about it.

Soon the silence of the shop was cut through by the sound of the tattoo machine. Carmy sat by, watching the artist as he worked. Listening to the man and Luca converse back and forth. Luca didn’t even flinch as the needles etched the ink into his skin, like it took nothing for him to keep his arm still as it vibrated against the outside of his bicep. The artist colored in the heart, carefully doing up the outline and the small flowers at the top and bottom of it. The stark, traditional shading and lines standing out against Luca’s skin as it all got brought to life.

It was over quicker than Carmy thought it was going to be, even though he knew better. Soon enough Luca was slapping cash into the palm of the tattoo artist and they were saying goodbye. Carmy was pretty sure that he said goodbye to the man, but he couldn’t truly remember. It felt like suddenly it was just him and Luca back out on the sidewalk again.

“Not that bad, right?” Luca asked with a small grin.

Carmy looked over at him, not really sure what Luca was referring to in particular. Then he saw the way he was nodding towards his arm. Carmy chuckled and shook his head. “Not bad.” He paused, watching as Luca carefully slipped his arms back into the sleeves of his jacket. “When’d you take that, anyway?”

Luca shrugged. “Couple weeks ago.”

Carmy smiled, the spike in his heartrate for once didn’t feel like an impending anxiety attack as he laughed. “Klepto.”

“You didn’t even notice!” he responded with a laugh.

Carmy was still shaking his head as the two of them started making their way down the sidewalk. Luca was looking around at everything, meanwhile Carmy went back and forth between looking at the sidewalk passing beneath their feet, and looking over at Luca.

Neither of them brought up the tattoo after that. Sometimes Carmy would see it while they were working in the kitchen, when Luca’s sleeve would slide up when he reached for something. It was a fleeting thing, the kitchen not creating the type of environment conducive to longing stares.

Their time together as commis was rapidly approaching an end. Carmy could feel the days ticking by and he felt like he was supposed to be doing something about it but he didn’t know what. Luca would be laughing on their fake smoke breaks, he would be rooting through Carmy’s cabinets at home and ragging on him for the amount of instant ramen he had stashed in there, and Carmy could feel that he was letting opportunities pass him by. He didn’t know how not to let them keeping slipping away from him.

“I’m telling you,” Luca said as he twirled pasta around his fork, “you can come visit anytime.”

Carmy smiled small, unable to make himself look over at Luca. “Yea? Any time? Just, just drop what I’m doing and fly—”

“Across the pond,” Luca finished for him with a laugh. “Yea.”

Carmy shook his head. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Good.” He paused. “Where next?”

He let out a sharp exhale. “New York, I think. Probably.”

“Probably?” Luca parroted back with a chuckle. “Might wanna firm up those plans a bit.”

Carmy turned and looked at him a little more head-on. “Yea, no, I mean, I’m, I’m locked in. For sure.”

“Second-guessing?” Luca asked, the humor gone from his voice and genuine interest in its place instead.

“Ah, um,” Carmy stammered as he tapped his fork against the edge of the bowl, “I guess?”

“Why’s that?”

Carmy paused, really considering what he wanted his answer to that question to be. “I, I do it with everything, I guess.”

Luca waited until Carmy was looking at him. “Everything?”

Carmy’s heart was beating fast enough to the point he just thought it was going to stop altogether. “Pretty much,” he forced out, voice quieter than it needed to be.

There was hardly any space between them, and Carmy had never been more aware of his proximity to another person before. The air was heavy with tension, and opportunities, and Carmy felt like it was all about one breath away from suffocating him completely. He thought that his hands were going to start shaking, enough to make the bowl fall from his hands and clatter against the floor. That was just what he needed.

“Carm?”

He wanted to look away but he couldn’t. Luca was looking at him in a way that made Carmy feel like his knees were going to give way underneath him. He was too used to having people looking through him that having someone looking at him was tough to stomach without crumpling. He opened his mouth, tried to say, “Yea?” but he couldn’t get the word out and his jaw slowly closed again instead.

Then Luca smiled and suddenly the intensity of it all seemed a little more bearable. Then Luca kissed him, movements more assured than Carmy had ever been in his life, could ever hope to be, and suddenly the suffocating feeling of it all was gone. There was no ceramic shattering on the floor, he didn’t flatline, the world didn’t crumble around them. It was good. And Carmy tried his best to just let it be good.

Carmy’s hand slid up Luca’s arm, fingers reaching underneath his sleeve just enough so that he was able to graze over the tattoo there with his fingertips. He grabbed onto Luca’s arm a little tighter, tried to pull him a little closer. The first thing he’d done in a long time that he didn’t hesitate on. Then Luca’s hand was on his shoulder, sliding up to rest against the side of Carmy’s neck, and then the rest of the world just faded into the background.

Carmy had no idea how a goodbye could hurt so much and simultaneously feel so anticlimactic. There was no getting out of it though. Luca was leaving, and Carmy wasn’t. Or, he was, but it didn’t matter because he wasn’t leaving to go to the same place that Luca was.

He sat in his apartment, the space feeling emptier now than it ever had before even though nothing had been taken out of it. He braced himself against the kitchen counter, fingers wrapped tightly around the edge of it. His eyes zeroed in on the book sitting on top of the counter. Luca had given it to him at the end of their last shift together. Leaving it with an easy, “Light reading for when you start to miss me too much,” that made Carmy laugh in the moment but the weight of it felt a little different now.

He drummed his fingers on the cover of the book. He could tell that it was brand new, the outer sleeve still glossy. The entire book, the whole hundred-plus pages of it, were all different pastries and desserts. Of course. Despite the heaviness hovering over his chest, there was a small smile on Carmy’s face as he delicately opened the front cover of it, like it was made of glass not paper.

Tucked inside the front cover was a note scribbled onto an index card. Carmy instantly recognized Luca’s handwriting. “Better learn one of these before you come visit. -Luca” His smile grew a little wider, a choked laugh getting stuck in the back of his throat as he looked at the small drawing scrawled at the bottom of the index card. Shaking his head, Carmy took the card out and tacked it onto his fridge.

It'd been months since Luca had left, months since Carmy started at his placement in New York. Every day of it had been hell. But he couldn’t stop himself from showing up every morning ready to go through it all over again. He was popping tums like they were candy and he was surprised that his hair wasn’t falling out in clumps, but he was getting through it. Despite the hellishness of it all, Carmy felt like he was doing well. Felt like he was doing things right.

Then one day it just didn’t feel that way anymore. He couldn’t pinpoint it. Maybe it was just too many hours with an asshole executive chef breathing down his neck. Maybe it wasn’t enough sleep, wasn’t enough real food that didn’t come out of the microwave or the freezer. Maybe it was too many cigarettes and not enough water. But suddenly he was out back behind the restaurant in New York hyperventilating and feeling like he was about to pass out. His hands were shaking and then he was dialing Luca’s number, something that he hadn’t done since he left.

“You know there’s a time difference, yea?” Luca said, clearly exhausted and groggy as he chuckled on the other end of the line.

“Hey,” Carmy managed to put all of his strength into getting that one word out. His voice made him seem like a completely different person. Maybe he was.

He could hear the rustling on Luca’s end, briefly wondered what he was doing or setting aside to be able to talk. It was easier for Carmy to think about that than everything else. “You alright?”

Carmy cleared his throat, but it didn’t really help at all. “You meant it, right?” He raked his fingers back through his hair. “Fuck. Fuck. You, did you mean it when you said I could visit anytime?”

Luca’s voice was smooth and steady, warm in the way Carmy had remembered it. “Course man, yea. Absolutely.”

“Okay.”

There was a pause, like Luca was waiting for Carmy to say more and then he didn’t. “Okay.”

“Th-thank you,” Carmy stammered out. “And. And I’m sorry.”

Luca didn’t acknowledge any of it, not wanting Carmy to think that he owed an apology, or that he owed any extra gratitude for what just transpired between them. “I’ll see you soon then, yea?”

Carmy exhaled deeply, intensely enough for Luca to hear it on the other end half a world away. “Yea.”

It seemed like time hadn’t even touched Luca when Carmy saw him again. He was standing outside the airport, looking around like he hadn’t been living there and already taking it all in for months. Luca heard the sound of a suitcase rolling on the cobblestones, the way it was getting closer. Looking over, he beamed when he saw Carmy.

He held out both his arms. “Welcome to Copenhagen.”

Carmy laughed, those three words eradicating the worry that things were going to be off between them. It was one of the only things that he could think of the whole flight over. But of course it was alright. It was Luca.

“C’mon,” Luca joked as he gestured for Carmy to follow him, “I’ll be your tour guide.”

Carmy didn’t do much talking as the two of them walked to wherever Luca was deciding to take him. He was glad for it. He listened as Luca talked about some of the places that they passed, some of the things he’d been up to in his time there. Carmy would’ve listened to him for hours if he could. He missed it, missed him. He should’ve called.

“Oh,” Luca turned and looked at Carmy as they walked, “I did get a place for you to stay. Marie has some rules but it’s a pretty cool spot.”

“Yea?” Carmy allowed himself a little hopefulness. Something about being on the other side of the world from the rest of the chaos making it seem more doable.

Luca nodded. “Yea. Honestly I might be crashing in on you while you’re there.”

Carmy smiled small and warm at the thought of it. “Alright.”

Of all the things Carmy had been expecting, he certainly hadn’t been expecting Luca to bring him to a boat. His eyebrows lifted, a surprised smile on his face as he look back and forth between Luca and the boat. He had questions but as he looked at the giddy smile on Luca's face he decided that none of them really mattered.

“Pretty cool, yea?” Luca said as he held his hand out to help pull Carmy on-board.

Carmy laughed as he accepted the help, nodding as he balanced his luggage and his footsteps getting on. “Yea, pretty cool.”

It took an extra couple of seconds for Carmy to realize that his hand was still gripping onto Luca's. When he brought his gaze up to Luca's face, he realized that Luca was focused intently on his hand. For a fleeting moment Carmy thought the worst, but then he realized that Luca was studying the ink on Carmy's skin. A tattoo that hadn’t been there before when they were in Chicago together. Carmy had gotten plenty of other tattoos since, Luca too, but he was acutely aware of why Luca was fixated on that one in particular.

Pulling his hand away, Carmy tried to cover his nerves by clearing his throat. “You said she left instructions or something?”

Luca didn’t seem fazed by the shift in conversation. “Right, yea, c’mon.” He motioned for Carmy to follow him inside. He ducked to fit underneath the top of the door frame, but not quite low enough and he thumped his head as a result. He muttered out a quiet, “Shit,” before laughing.

Carmy laughed too, shaking his head as he went through the door with no issues. He slipped past Luca, who was reading the note that was left on the table for him.

He was looking for a decent place to set his bags for the time being when he heard Luca ask, “You alright with cats?”

“Cats?” Carmy parroted back.

“Yea,” Luca stepped over to where Carmy was standing by the bed. The small space they were in making him feel much closer than usual. He showed Carmy the paper. “Said you gotta leave water out for the cat.”

Carmy shrugged. “I can do that.” He watched as Luca set the note down. Then it was just the two of them standing in the silence of the boat, and Carmy knew that now was the time to say something. “Thank you, again. Seriously.”

Luca shook his head slightly. “Don’t thank me.” He paused. “You alright?”

Carmy didn’t know how to answer that question. Right then, in that moment, he was as alright as he could ever remember being. But he knew it wasn’t a feeling that was going to last. Eventually he’d have to go back. And then what? He was going to be left in the same situation he’d been in when he called Luca. Not alright at all.

“I am now,” he answered honestly.

Luca gave a slow nod, able to hear what Carmy wasn’t saying. “You wanna talk about it?” He gave it a beat. “About New York?”

With no hesitation Carmy shook his head. “No. Not, not right now.”

Luca nodded. “Sure.”

Silence filled the space between them again, and Luca could see it in Carmy’s posture, in the way that his hands were fidgeting with nothing, that he was trying to figure out if he’d said the wrong thing or not. It was so strange to Luca, the fact that that was a constant concern on his mind, because as far as he was concerned, there wasn’t a single thing that Carmy could say to him in their moments together that would ever constitute as wrong.

He broke the ice again, happy to do it as many times as necessary. “I can promise you that there’s nothing in the fridge or the cupboards. So,” he shrugged, crossing his arms over his chest, “we can take care of that if you’re not too beat.”

Carmy nodded eagerly. Food. Groceries. Those were things he could handle talking about. Those were topics that he wouldn’t fuck up. “Yea, I’m good for that.”

Luca smiled. “Great.”

It was as easy as Carmy ever remembered it being with Luca. Maybe even easier, with the worst of his stressors an ocean away from him for now. Luca led the way through markets and shops and Carmy was more than happy just to follow, to listen to what Luca had to say about all of them. Most of the things they bought were groceries, but every now and then Luca would take him on a detour, popping into a bakery or strolling up to a stand and buying something small to eat as they wandered. He justified it as giving Carmy inspiration, expanding his palette, not that that was a large concern for him anyway. But really it was just nice to be able to share this part of his life.

“Good, yea?” Luca asked as he watched Carmy take a bite of the pastry he’d just handed over to him.

Carmy’s brows knit together for a moment, his expression serious as he really turned over each flavor. “Whoa,” he said, food still tucked in his cheek, “that’s fire.”

Luca’s face brightened as he laughed. “Right?” The two of them continued on their way, bags hanging in the crooks of each of their arms. “Been missing out.”

Carmy chuckled, watching Luca as he confidently guided them back towards the boat. “Yea, apparently.”

They worked in tandem to find homes for all of the groceries they’d brought back. Carmy laughed every time Luca had to duck his head to get underneath something. Tried and failed to stifle that same laughter the times that he forgot and ended up bumping his head against the low ceilings and doorframes of the boat.

When they were together in Carmy’s apartment, Carmy did most of the cooking. Luca would pitch in here and there, but it was Carmy’s domain for the most part. This time around, in what little space they had to cook on the boat, the two of them were doing everything together. Once again, they were part of the same machine, but this time it flowed so nicely—no screaming, no stress. They just flowed their way through it and at the end of it all they had a meal.

“So,” Carmy said as they sat at the tiny table together, “is your boat down the street? Or are these just for tourists?”

Luca laughed, shaking his head. “Tourists only, yea.” He shrugged nonchalantly. “My flat’s alright. More furniture than yours had.”

Carmy almost choked on his food. “Oh yea?”

Luca laughed and nodded. “Yea.” His shoulders shook with refrained laughter. “Not like this, though.”

Carmy studied Luca’s face, watched the way he was focused on the plate as he gathered another forkful of food. “You asking to stay over?”

Luca’s eyes diverted back up to him, a smile curling the ends of his lips. “Only if you’re saying yes.”

Carmy’s entire face flashed hot and he was smiling before he knew what he was doing. “Yes.”

His grin grew a little wider. He nodded, but didn’t say anything else about it as the two of them went back to finishing their meal. Carmy’s heart felt like it was beating clean into his throat but he didn’t mind it. He forgot what that was like.

“Nah, I, I got it,” he said as he waved Luca off when they were done, stopping the man from getting up from the table. “You’re just gonna smack your head off something again.”

Luca chuckled but he didn’t fight him on it, letting Carmy gather up their plates and silverware and bring it to the sink to start washing them. For a couple minutes Luca just sat back and watched Carmy, the way he still did everything with the same meticulous precision he did in the restaurant, but now there wasn’t that same tension in his shoulders like there had been before. He drummed his fingers lightly on the tabletop for a moment before getting up to go and help. He saw Carmy turn, about to try and send him off again, but he didn’t give him a chance as he grabbed a towel and started to dry the dishes he’d set in the drying rack.

“Thank you,” Carmy said, sounding more amused than he wanted to.

Luca smiled, nodded, but didn’t turn to look at him, didn’t say anything in response. The two of them comfortably silent as they continued to wash, dry, and put away the few dishes that they’d used to cook and eat with. Carmy was extremely aware of the contact each time their hands touched, fingers brushing on the hand-off. He was equally aware of the fact that Luca didn’t seem shaken about it like he was. One day he’d feel that kind of comfortable confidence.

“Luca?” Carmy said, drying his hands off when they were done.

“Yea?” he tilted his head slightly, not completely facing him yet as he dried off his own hands and set the towel to the side.

The three seconds between Luca saying that and looking at him felt like some of the longest of Carmy’s life. A long time to wait trying to make one day happen now.

Luca finally turned and looked at him, the look on his face clearly showing that he was about to say something, maybe even ask if Carmy was alright. Carmy didn’t give him the chance to get the question out. He wouldn’t have been able to answer it anyway. Instead, he leaned in, bringing his lips to Luca’s. Even with everything that happened, there was still a split second when Carmy worried that he was going to pull away. But he didn’t. Of course he didn’t. He didn’t pull away, and Carmy leaned in more and brought his hand to the side of Luca’s face.

He leaned down, melting right into Carmy, relaxing into it like it was the most natural thing in the world. Carmy almost didn’t know what to do with that. It felt like each part of his body was moving independently from the others, brain detached from all of it. But suddenly his other hand was on Luca’s side and he was pulling him back, the few strides there were between the kitchen and the bed.

The moment was broken only by the muffled thumping sound of Luca’s head hitting the ceiling as they stepped from one area of the boat to the next. It caused both of them to laugh, breaking the kiss.

“Shit.”

“Fuck.”

They both swore quietly at the same time. Carmy was shaking his head, cheeks feeling like they were on fire even though it wasn’t really his fault. “You good?”

Luca chuckled, nodding. “Yea, it’s alright.”

The moment smoothed itself over. Soon enough Luca’s lips were right back on his again. Carmy didn’t know how he managed to make something so pivotal feel so low-stakes. Something that would’ve had him paralyzed with fear if it was anyone else felt so traversable now.

When Carmy woke up, it was to the sound of Luca shuffling around the boat in the small hours of the morning. He was hunched over, gathering his clothes off the floor. Carmy’s eyes were barely open at all, still heavy with sleep. His brain was working at half-speed trying to figure out what was going on.

“All good?” Carmy mumbled, propping himself up on one elbow.

The humor in Luca’s tone was impossible to miss, getting more enjoyment than maybe he should have at how exhausted Carmy sounded. “Yea. Work.”

“Shit,” Carmy said, pressing the heel of his palm against his eye. “Right.”

“Go to sleep,” Luca told him, pulling his t-shirt down over his head. “I’ll be back later.”

Carmy was too tired to argue, jetlag catching up to him something fierce along with all of the exhaustion he’d been trying not to feel over the last few months. It felt safe to feel it all now, let it take him out for a few more hours.

Luca did come back, just like he said he would. He returned to the boat with a backpack stuffed full of clothes and other miscellaneous things. Carmy felt like an idiot for how wide his smile grew at the realization of it when Luca set it with Carmy’s suitcase.

That was their life for the next few days. Cozy nights fumbling around the close quarters of the boat, cooking meals that they each knew they wouldn’t be making for themselves if they were alone. They took turns doing dishes. Luca would leave early in the morning, Carmy usually only waking up just long enough to see him go before falling back to sleep again. And when he’d wake back up again, with most of the day to himself, he’d go out. He’d find restaurants. He’d go wander in places that he never would’ve taken the time to under any other circumstances. Let himself be a tourist and he’d send Luca photo evidence of it even though he couldn’t really respond.

Luca got back to the boat one night and Carmy was already elbow-deep in making something that Luca had no idea about. He loomed over Carmy’s shoulder, looking back and forth between what Carmy was doing, and the book that was open and precariously perched just out of the danger-zone.

“What’s all this?” he finally asked.

Carmy spared a quick glance over his shoulder. “You, uh,” he laughed, feeling a little ridiculous about it, “you said I had to learn one of these before I came to visit.”

Luca gave him a warm smile as he tried to take a closer look at the recipe that Carmy was working from. “Did you?”

“I mean, I don’t have it memorized, but, you know, yea. I learned it.”

“Too busy to memorize it?” Luca joked.

Carmy laughed, eyes widening for a moment. “Yea. You know, can’t remember what I was so busy doing. No priorities, apparently.”

“None, yea,” Luca agreed with a grin.

Truth be told, Luca never would’ve been able to tell if Carmy had ever made a dish before or not. Everything he ever saw Carmy attempt to make always came out great, like he’d made it a thousand times in his sleep before. It was beyond his comprehension.

“Glad I gave you that,” Luca said with a smug smirk pulling at the end of his lips, half-eaten pastry in his hand.

Carmy shook his head but he smiled too. “I’m sure.” He took a bite of the one he’d been holding onto. “You should check it out.”

Luca nodded. “Sure.”

Carmy’s voice got softer as he said, “Good.”

He could see it on Carmy’s face that his mind was wandering, going too far beyond the reaches of the boat they were in for it to be anything good. “Hey.” He waited for Carmy to look at him again, both their expressions shifting slightly. Luca lightly knocked his knee against Carmy’s. “It’s all good.”

He blinked, nodding, processing the comforting shorthand. “Yea. Yea. It’s all good.” He paused, shoulders relaxing. “Thank you.”

Luca smiled, an easy comforting thing. He watched Carmy finish off the pastry that he was eating. He could see the thousand tiny little shifts in his expression, and Luca had to laugh. “What?”

Carmy looked confused, almost startled at the question. “What? I didn’t, I didn’t say anything.”

“What are you gonna do different next time?” he asked, lifting the pastry in his hand a little higher. He saw the way that Carmy was about to try and come up with a rebuttal and he didn’t let him. “I can see it on your face, Caz.” He couldn’t stop laughing. “What is it?”

Carmy rolled his eyes, tried to keep a serious expression on but he broke down into laughter too, knowing that there was no way he was going to be able to lie to Luca. “I don’t know how to explain it. Something’s just…you really don’t know what I’m talking about?”

“Not a clue,” Luca admitted with a laugh, unashamed as could be.

“You think I’m nuts.” It was a statement, not a question as Carmy stared at him.

“Oh, well, yea,” Luca said, face bright with humor. “’Course I do.”

Carmy broke down in laughter. “Fuck off.”

They were both lost to fits of laughter after that, sitting next to each other at the small round table. Luca watched as Carmy poured over the recipe again, like if he reread the words over one more time he would be able to pinpoint what it was about it that he didn’t like.

“Carm?” Luca piped up, knowing that Carmy had no concept of time, no idea how long he’d been staring at the same page in the recipe book.

“Yea?” Carmy replied, not looking up from the page.

Luca chuckled, reaching over and shutting the book on him. “Try again tomorrow. Not gonna fix it all today.”

Carmy huffed, but smiled as he leaned back in his chair. “Right. Yea.”

It was late. Later than it should’ve been considering Luca’s alarm would be going off in a few hours. He was on the bed beside Carmy, laying on his side with his head perched in his hand, arm bent keeping him propped up enough to look at Carmy’s face as Carmy laid on his back and stared up at the ceiling. He studied the little details of Carmy’s face, things that he didn’t get to see in other moments, things no one else ever got to see. The light sheen of sweat across his forehead, the flush of his cheeks, the way only a few locks of his hair stuck were unruly enough to fall in front of or on the sides of his face. He watched the rise and fall of Carmy’s chest, drastic but faster than it usually was as he tried to catch his breath.

For a moment Luca didn’t even think that Carmy was paying attention to him at all, thought that maybe he was lost in his own thoughts or maybe even for once wasn’t thinking any thoughts at all. But then Carmy’s eyes wandered, matching Luca’s gaze. His lips curved upwards into a small smile as he looked over at Luca.

“What?” Carmy asked, laughing quietly.

Luca shook his head, watching as Carmy tucked one hand behind his head. “Can I ask you something?”

That was the kind of question that would usually be enough to send a jolt of fear clean down Carmy’s spine. But it didn’t this time, like nothing could touch them here. “Yea. Always.”

With the hand that wasn’t keeping his head propped up, Luca reached over and gently took Carmy’s free hand in his own. Carmy watched with bated breath as Luca turned his hand over, fingers grazing deftly over his skin.

“When,” Luca started to ask, fingertips lightly tapping the flower that was inked into the side of Carmy’s hand, one that looked very similar to the ones that were around the heart on Luca’s arm, “did you get this one?”

Carmy couldn’t take his eyes of his hand, off of Luca’s hand that was still toying with his own. His face felt like it was on fire. He knew that Luca was only asking the question because he already had an idea as to what the answer was.

“That one?” Carmy stalled, eyes still locked on their hands. “I got that one, uh, I got it, you know, right before I went to New York.”

“Yea?”

“Yea.”

“Goodbye present from Chicago?”

Carmy chuckled. “Say that like I was never gonna go back.”

Luca shrugged. “You know what I mean.”

Carmy’s face softened. “I know what you mean.”

“Just wondering, ‘cause, you know,” he met Carmy’s eyeline, “looks a little familiar, is all.”

Carmy laughed. “Does it? Does it look familiar?”

“If you wanted to copy mine, you should’ve just—”

“Copy yours?” Carmy asked, laughing like it was the most ridiculous thing he’d ever heard Luca say. “You stole my drawing and got it—”

“And then you copied it.”

They were both laughing, fingers still entwined. Carmy gave in, losing the argument feeling better than winning any other one ever had. “Guess it made me feel a little better.”

Luca nodded, bringing their joined hands up to his lips, the kiss so light and fleeting that Carmy would’ve chalked it up to a daydream if he didn’t know any better. “Me too.”

When Luca’s alarm went off in the morning, it woke Carmy up first for once. Opening one eye, he looked over to see Luca still passed out in the bed beside him. He let out a quiet, sleepy chuckle as he reached resting his hand against the center of Luca’s chest.

“Hey,” Carmy mumbled, the side of his face still resting in the crook of Luca’s shoulder. “C’mon.” He drummed his fingers. “You gotta go.”

Luca’s eyes weren’t even open as he wrapped his arm around Carmy, pulling him tighter against his side for a moment. “Yea. I’m going.”

Carmy would’ve stayed like that all day long if there weren’t any consequences to it. “I see that, yea.” Carmy could’ve sworn that it caused him real, physical pain to unfurl himself from Luca’s hold. “Go, Chef. Get ready.”

Luca groaned but he started to force himself to be fully conscious. “Heard.”

Carmy was only half awake, laying on his stomach with his arms tucked underneath his pillow as he watched Luca haphazardly get ready for the day. It was going to be a long one and Carmy felt a little bad, but not bad enough to apologize.

“I’ll see you,” Luca said as he pulled his shoes on.

Carmy nodded, already about to fall back to sleep. “I’ll be here.”

Carmy went out again, took himself on a small-scale grocery trip. Went out just long enough to get a few specific things that he had in mind. When he got back, he was surprised to find that Luca had gotten back in the time that he was gone. He must’ve started his day much later than he thought.

When he walked through the door, he saw Luca sitting at the table looking through the pastry book. Carmy chuckled. “Hey.”

“You know,” Luca started, still looking at the pages in front of him, “I don’t think there’s a cat.”

Carmy let out a confused laugh as he unpacked the bag of groceries he was carrying. “What?”

Luca looked over at him. “You ever see Coco?”

Carmy paused, thinking about it for a moment before finally shaking his head. “Never.”

“Yea,” he turned the page, “I don’t think she’s real.”

“Or she’s invisible.”

“Oh, yea,” Luca nodded, laughing, “that makes more sense.”

Carmy had stopped keeping track of how many days he’d spent in Copenhagen. If he started to count, reality would start to set in and if that happened the delicate bubble that was keeping he and Luca safe would inevitably pop. Luca hadn’t brought up New York, hadn’t brought up any of it. And Carmy was wondering if he was just as afraid for it all to crumble away. Or maybe Luca was just letting this be what his life was now. Carmy wished that he could do the same.

There was Luca. And there was the boat. And there were quiet nights and a cat that was nowhere to be found. But there was also Noma and ridiculous hours and minds racing with the thoughts of ingredients and recipes. There was a balance that was so carefully struck but Carmy knew that he wasn’t going to be able to maintain it forever—he wasn’t Luca. He also knew that it was all temporary. Noma wasn’t forever. Copenhagen wasn’t forever. He didn’t want to keep going on that train of thought, knowing where the final destination of it was.

It was easy to let himself stave off the thoughts most of the time. He’d get halfway down a spiral and then Luca would say something to get his attention, or his arm would sling over Carmy’s side in his sleep, and it was like a reset. Turning the timer back again. But eventually it was going to have to go off.

Carmy was packing up what precious little he’d brought with him to Copenhagen in the first place. Luca sat on the edge of the bed watching, neither of them really saying much about any of it. What was there to say?

He was getting ready to pull the zipper on his suitcase when Luca held the book out to him, the same one he’d given Carmy when he was leaving Chicago. Carmy shook his head. “Keep it. Your turn to learn something from it.” He knew that more than once over the last few weeks Luca had brought it to work with him. Neither of them ever said anything about it.

Luca’s smile was small as he shook his head, continuing to hold the book out to Carmy. “It’s yours.” When Carmy still wouldn’t take it from him, he tossed it into his suitcase for him. “Perfect that recipe before you come back next time.”

Carmy chuckled but there was a heaviness to it as he nodded. “Right. Right. Next time.”

“Don’t gotta wait till you have another breakdown, by the way.”

Carmy laughed, looking over at Luca. “Might be the fastest way to get me back here.”

Luca nodded, a tiny grin on his face. “Might be.”

For the first time in a long time there was a weight to the silence that was between them. Carmy found himself wanting to say thank you, wanting to apologize, all the stuff that Luca never asked him for. He didn’t know what else there was to say. He felt like they didn’t really have to say the rest of it.

“I’m, um, I’m glad I called you,” Carmy finally said.

“Me too.”

“I won’t wait so long next time.” He wanted it to be true. He hoped that it was.

Luca smiled. “Good.”

Carmy was smiling but he could feel the familiar burn of tears wanting to form. He shook his head slightly, gaze dropping when he couldn’t hold Luca’s stare anymore without feeling like he was going to break. “Fuck,” he muttered, pressing the heels of his palms against his eyes. “Shit. I’m,” he shook his head, looking up at the ceiling before looking back at Luca again, “I’m sorry.”

Luca shook his head. “It’s alright.” Getting up, he made sure to keep his head low enough to not smack it off the ceiling. He’d nearly perfected that. He pulled Carmy in, repeating the words when he felt the way Carmy sagged against him. “It’s alright.”

**

Carmy was yanked back to the present, back to reality by the sound of something crashing in the next room over. His fingers curled tighter around the book in his hands, like if he held onto it tight enough he’d get sent right back into the past again.

He could hear the yelling on the other side of the wall. The words being said didn’t reach his ears. They didn’t need to—it wouldn’t matter if they did. He looked back down at the book in front of him, eyes roaming over the pages. He still remembered the recipe. He still never figured out what it had been missing.

Syd materialized in the doorway of the office, looking as exasperated as she ever had. “Got a question, Chef.”

Carmy had to try harder than he cared to admit to look up from the pages in front of him. “I was thinking about Marcus.”

Syd blinked once, shaking her head slightly at the change in subject when they hadn’t gotten fully started on the thing that she had popped in to talk about in the first place. “Okay?”

“Yea.” Carmy nodded, closing the book and drumming his fingers against the cover. “Yea.”

Syd’s eyes widened, waiting for an explanation that never came. “What were you thinking about Marcus?”

“We should send him somewhere. Get him, you know, get him inspired.”

Syd shrugged, nodding. “We could do that. Got any ideas?”

“A few,” he replied with no hesitation. “Yea, I got a couple.” He paused, thinking about the paper covered in drawings, about the book with the impossible recipe, about the number in his phone that he hadn’t dialed in far too long. “I was thinking maybe Copenhagen?”

Syd smiled at that. “Shit, yea. That’d, that’d be dope.” She thought on it for a moment. “You know someone, I’m assuming?”

Carmy chuckled, nodding. “Yea. I know someone.”

Syd nodded. “Let’s do it.”

Relief and excitement both rushed through Carmy all at once. “Heard.” Clearing his throat, he called out, yelling above the rest of the noise, “Yo! Marcus!”

Within seconds Marcus appeared back in the doorway of the office. “Yes, Chef?”

“We’re sending you to Copenhagen,” Carmy said with a definitive nod.

Marcus’s eyes went wide. He looked back and forth between Carmy and Syd like he was waiting for this to be the punchline of a joke. “For real?”

Carmy nodded. “For real.”

His entire face lit up. “Alright. Heard, Chef.”

The smile on Carmy’s face was soft as he nodded once more. “Alright.”

[golddaggers]

midnight rendezvous

pairing: louis tomlinson x f!reader

warnings: filthy smut with hints of fluffness. period sex. petnames. him calling you baby doll. defo nsfw +18, so my dudes, read carefully.

a/n: it's your renegade writer back with her fantasies. i've written this a while back and though it'd be such a shame to share. if you do like it, make sure to reblog and like. thanks and enjoy *wink* leth x

word count: 3k+

xx

It’s just a bit past midnight when I park home, no one wandering the streets, or children playing about, there’s just the chilled breeze fumbling with the leaves. I don’t notice a second car on the driveway until I’m up close, I blame the dim yellow streetlights and my exhaustion. It had been a particularly busy shift at the hospital, I wanted nothing more than to sleep for about two days straight.

The cold crisp air makes me tremble for a split second, but I am soon welcomed by the warmth of the inside. I kicked off my sneakers, trying to be as silent as possible, I didn’t want to wake him up. A second car meant Louis had come home and he must be tired, it had been weeks since he had a break, we hadn’t seen each other for even longer. The weekends he happened to be around, I couldn’t work my schedule to spend them at home with him. It sucked, and I missed him more than I could put it into words.

A frustrated sigh slips while I walk to the kitchen, filling up a glass of water. After so many years, I should be used to it: the busy schedule, the months spent apart. I’m not, though. And being honest, I don’t think it’s possible to not be in pain when waking up to an empty bed beside me, to not hear the soft humming when he’s doing the dishes, to not miss the press of his lips on mine. I just wanted us to buy a bunch of lands somewhere, live a quiet, happy life, have children, and grow old. Just the two of us.

This was something I would never tell him. Robbing him of his passions wasn’t on my mind. I knew he’d oblige if I did say so. If I asked him, but I couldn't.

I leave a half-drunk glass behind, and go upstairs, taking off my plain white shirt then unbuttoning my jeans. Before I got to the bedroom, however, I froze, strangled sounds coming from there startling me for a second. It's followed by a smile creeping in, I’m very much aware, and familiar, with them.

The door isn’t closed, so I peek in. I see him naked, sheets pooled by his feet, and one hand wrapped around himself, moving up and down with ease, his thumb applying just enough pressure. I feel my mouth watering at the sight, a cramp twisting my belly. Desire gathers quickly, I was so touch-starved that I might as well come undone just by watching him get himself off.

His eyes are closed, thin lips parted. I slide off my pants, throwing both them, and my shirt away, walking inside in just my black lingerie. Even that was starting to be uncomfortable.

“Lou?” I call him, standing with crossed arms. He’s quick to drop everything, shooting me a wide, surprised glare. “Sorry, didn’t mean to spoil your good time.”

I’m half-joking at this point.

“I thought you’d only be home in t’ mornin’,” Deep blue eyes, sparked with lust, stare up at me. I'm very aware of how much I want to be near him again. “C’mere.”

He pats the space on his right side, it’s mesmerizing how quickly he can go from a sex god to a warm loving man. I go, but I don’t stay beside him, instead, I take my seat on his lap, which makes him laugh, rough hands on my waist, squeezing the flesh. I shift, uncomfortable, feeling him beneath me. So hard, so ready. It’s been so long I might just assume I'm a virgin all over again, shamefully responsive to anything he might do to me.

Louis leans in, planting a kiss just between the curve of my breasts. The prickle of his bead makes my pulse rise. It’s the intimacy that gets me hooked. He feels like coming home. A warmth that springs from the tip of my toes to my head, flushes my cheeks, and makes my forehead sweaty.

A “missed ya” whispered on my skin makes me shake, he then kisses the soft spot where the shoulder meets the neck, I let out a groan, moving, seeking friction. His smirk is taunting, both hands going up to my cheeks, four eyes meeting in the middle of a tired night.

“What now?” I say, unsure, panting as his thumb toys with my lips, pushing inside for a moment.

“Do you want a shower first?” He asks, staring at me, a boyish smile on his face.

“I should. I’m disgusting.”

“Nonsense,” The tip of his nose is pressed to my cheek, a ghostly kiss left behind on my jaw. “You look amazing anyway. Why d'ya think I’m so worked up?”

“Were you thinking of me? Getting yourself off imagining my hands around you? My spit and my lips, hmm?”

Louis pants when I grind down on him, slick with the throb of him against me. The fabric of my panties still forbids me from knowing his skin on mine, from sinking and swallowing him whole.

“Yeah, I was. Always think abou' ya', love.”

“I think about you too,” The friction makes me lean forward, sighing against his warm neck. “Nights get so lonely… I miss you so much, you know.”

“Darling…”

“Mmhm, I have to touch myself, grab my boobs,” I place his hands on them, and he squeezes, promptly. Fills his hands. It’s swollen, sore even. I’m burning up.

“Do you say my name when you come?” Louis asks, quietly, sucking a patch of skin. I’ve got goosebumps, I’m reeling from the build-up.

“I do. Over and over and over,” The room feels warmer if that's possible. Sweat drips down my back. I’m aware as to why I’m so sensitive, besides the yearning when it’s been months since he last touched me, my period heightens things up.

For a moment there, I almost forgot it.

“Can I just fuck you now, doll?” It’s a hoarse whisper, I clench in frustration. I’m hot, nearly suffocating. “Want t’ feel yeh so bad.”

His accent thickens, I’m lost, too into the moment to think coherently. I go for his lips, kissing him with passion, biting down on his bottom lip, still moving my hips, rolling against his. He pushes back, groaning into my mouth. It’s sinful. Everything about him is.

“Can’t, sweets,” It slips out, breathlessly. “‘M bloody down there.”

He smiles, soothing, hands firm on my hips. My stomach somersaults, it’s amazing how Louis manages to make me feel 17 every time he gives me that gorgeous smile of his. I feel like one of his groupies.

“Never cared ‘bout that before. C’mon, help me out.”

“Lou…” A strangled noise followed. I’m reaching a point where pleasure mixes with pain, I’m too aroused, too sensitive. He touches me there, trained fingers light to not hurt me but enough to stir me on. “You’re trying to bribe me, aren’t you?”

“Am I getting there?” The double entendre makes me chuckle, nodding. “Good. Let me take those off, hmm?”

“Come,” I untangle myself from him, the cold, empty feeling brings a pang to my lower belly. “If we’re doing this, let’s do it in the shower.”

I slide off my panties, tossing them at him. Louis laughs wholeheartedly, balling it in his hand while kicking the sheets away to follow me into our bathroom.

It’s bright, with mirrors everywhere. My hair looks an absolute mess, strands falling down my shoulders, I’ve got flushed cheeks, and glistening skin, perspiration all over. Five minutes with him just does that to you. He looks impressive from behind me, his brown hair was thrown back, wide blue eyes staring right at me from the reflection. I can see the extension of his tattoos, the tanned skin from being under the sun a little too long last weekend.

Louis is a sight for sore eyes.

We exchange a look then smile. The kind of intimacy that only comes when you love someone, beyond passion, beyond attraction.

He undoes the clasp of my bra. I sigh in relief, gasping when his hands cup my boobs, pinching my oversensitive nipples. I can’t help but toss my head back, resting it on his shoulder. He’s good at this, playing with me, edging me out.

“Missed them even more,” Louis expresses, a half-smile on his face. “You’ve got the prettiest tits I’ve ever seen.”

“You know you’re probably the only man on earth that can get away with saying stuff like that, right?” We share a laugh. “Turn the water on, sweets, yeah? I need to take the tampon off.”

While he busies himself with getting things ready, I put my leg up on the toilet and gently pull it out, being careful not to spill any blood on the floor. I’m mentally grateful it’s not an extra heavy day. I wrap it up in toilet paper and toss it in the bin.

“Water is warm, baby,” Steam starts to fog up the room. “Come.”

“I hope I will.” I wink at him. I don’t know why I’m suddenly so cheeky.

“Don’t tease me,” Lust soaks up his voice, eyes stern. He’d punish me for sure. When I wasn’t expecting him to do so. When we weren’t so desperate for each other. Whenever he’s back home, there’s no games, just tension relief.

He goes in, standing beneath the shower rain, his back facing me. I look at his ass, all perky and round. It’s no secret that I got a thing for it, and I might’ve bitten it a few… hundred times. Whenever I get the chance, really. I grab them, squeezing the muscle, a hoarse laugh falling from his lips. Louis thinks it’s silly, doesn’t see how it’s so great.

We kiss, then. In a brief moment, he spins and pulls me in, tongue rolling ‘round with mine. It’s wet, crude even. I make sounds that would mistake me for a pornstar, groaning when his tip brushes where I’m aching with need. He pulls my hair back, exposing my neck to him, sucking and biting. Leaving behind bruises I’ll have trouble covering. The adrenaline high doesn’t let me focus on that, though.

His hand slides between us, lodging between my legs, his palm pressing my pulsating clit. I call out for him, squeezing his shoulders, whimpering. Just this faint touch sends me into overdrive. It’s borderline ridiculous. How good he is. Or how much I want him. How I crave for him like a junkie craves a fix. It’s the trip of a lifetime when he’s inside me.

I go for his dick, so painfully hard it could cut right through me. There’s something about watching his eyes snap close, or how he moans, but I wobble, my breathing going fitful. He says my name, pressing his soft lips to my forehead, still rubbing me out. My hand seems smaller when it’s wrapped around the width of him. Louis feels heavy and scorching hot.

“I want to do something,” I whisper, high on the pleasure he was giving me. “Would you let me?”

“I want to fuck you, darling,” It’s raw, doesn’t sound dirty, more like a pleading question. “Please let me, hmm? I want to fill you up. Watch it drip down out of you. My pretty baby with cum all over her legs.”

A pained whimper comes out.

The tip of his fingers are stained red, they never really slipped inside me, just circling, creating a build-up that leaves me in discomfort. It’s unusual how much time we are taking with this, at this point, we would’ve fucked about three times already. Either way, I like it. The glint in his eyes, eyes that I adore. Diamond beauties staring down at me, so full of desire. It’s powerful. To know you have such an effect on a man like him.

I place him in the tight space between my thighs, both of us groaning with the stronger contact. I’m dripping and it’s not just blood, he’s thrumming, hips sloppily jerking forward. I feel him almost in me, but not quite. I scream, I’m sure our neighbours would make complaints. I don’t find it in me to care. It's way too heavenly.

Tattooed hands land on each of my love handles, our bodies are almost one at this point. That’s when he lifts my leg, we both can’t do any more foreplay, no more waiting. I help him inside, a little bit of blood gushing before he’s deep within. It takes a while for me to get used to him again, two months can be enough for things to shrink back up.

“God, your cunt is so fucking tight,” He mumbles, out-of-worldly. “You’re gonna make me come and I barely even started.”

“And you’re so fucking big, gonna split me open,” I shoot back, gripping tight on his forearm, trying to balance myself as he starts to pound, slowly at first. “Fuck, baby. This is so good.”

“Tell me who can make you feel so good, baby doll,” A particular hard snap of his hips makes me sway on my step, but his iron grip steadies me. “Use your words. I want to know.”

“You!” It’s a desperate squeal, I feel full, he stretches me to a burning point. Pain mixing with pleasure. It doesn’t take a scientist to tell me I’ll have trouble sitting down tomorrow. “You, baby.”

Louis lifts my other leg, both on the crook of his arms, and presses me against the tiled wall of our bathroom. His teeth clamp around my nipple, biting, sucking. I feel dizzy with the torrential rain of emotions. The water keeps falling on us, warm. It splashes when he thrusts.

None of us is lasting longer. I wasn’t particularly known to do so, not when he was the one handling me anyway. Some people are just skilled. Just know how to push somebody else’s buttons. And Louis knew how to push mine. He knew how to push me into the fucking edge. Coax a string of orgasms out of me if he so wanted. With his fingers, with his tongue, with his dick.

I moan, one hand tugging the hair at the nape of his neck and the other going to where our bodies met. It’s a fucking sight. Watching him go in then out of me. I start rubbing myself.

“You have to be quieter,” He says, our foreheads glued together, still slamming into me like I’m his favourite rag doll. “We don’t need people calling the police.”

“It’s your fault,” My reply is followed by a curse word. “Giving it to me so good like that.”

“Mmhm,” Dark blue looks at me, I can feel him getting sloppier. It’s close.

In urgency, he kisses me, I’m too frail, too putty in his hands. A numbness starts on the tip of my toes, it makes my eyes roll back, I can’t even voice anything anymore, entirely surrendered to him. To the vulnerability of this moment. Being his as much as he’s mine.

Time stands still whenever I’m with him. And right now, I can’t even keep track of it, too lost in him. That’s why I don’t know how long it took, it could’ve been seconds or minutes or hours. But I broke. Went up screaming. Barely registering he was telling me to shush, that it was too late in the night to be so loud. If that was what he was saying at all.

I’m shuddering, that I can tell with conviction, convulsing. That doesn’t happen often. I mean, it’s always fucking good, but like this, like I’m on something, that’s exceptional. At one point, he growls, squeezing me tighter. His hips stutter, face squashed against my chest. He spends himself inside me, as it was promised. I’m beyond satisfied, I’m in a state of bliss no one can reach me. Where the world doesn’t exist, only him.

Louis stays in for a while longer, nuzzling between my breasts, I play with his hair, a bubbly smile on my face. No high higher than this. He helps me down, I don’t trust my feet, clinging to him like a child. A chuckle falls from his lips.

“That good, huh?”

I just nod.

“I’ll help you clean up.”

With a sponge and a bit of liquid soap, Louis rubs down my body, taking his time to bubble me up. I’m still sensitive to touch, I have to pull his hand away when he tries to touch me down there, where I’m probably red and still swollen. I can feel the burn. Good burn, though.

When we both finish cleaning ourselves up, we step out of the shower. He still has a protective hand around my waistline. I wince at the thought of moving away, but I have to, I can tell I’m one second shy of making a mess on the floor.

He fetches us towels while I go deal with the bloody problem. Pun intended. I clean the dripping blood mixed with cum on my thighs, and when I look up, deep blue is fixed on me. As if entranced.

“What?”

“You just look hot.”

A little laugh slips.

“Thanks. You don’t look so bad,” I groan, it’s still sore-ish when I slide the tampon in. “You really did a number on me.”

“Eh, who’s counting?”

Louis winks, helping me up, I’m still weak on the legs. There’s no need to get dressed, so we wrap ourselves under the sheets, our sopping hair making stains on the pillows.

It’s so painfully intimate.

“I love you,” I whisper, half-asleep, minutes later.

“I love you more.”

His voice is the last sound I hear before I drift to the first night of sleep where I feel full, happy, and satiated. Slept like a queen, his arms wrapped around my waist, cheek pressed to my back. I was on my little piece of heaven and no one could ever snap me out.

[insomnishnik]

pairing : obsessive! dom eren x god complex reader *wink* *wonk*

rating : smut, 18+, fluff, crack (?)

wc : 53k

cw : degradation, choking, semi public sex, art student! eren, cockwarming, pussy spanking, mention of bruises and injuries, breeding kink ish, obsessive behavior, stalking, borderline yandere 😁 also pliz I'm new so if this bad lemme know

summary : at the very end of graduation, it's time to say goodbye, college is over, now off to the real world. But before the farewell, you as the student president arrange the one last time after party as a sweet goodbye message, little do you know eren have other plan.

“DO WE HAVE TO?” you murmured as Hitch pushed your back while both of stepping inside of a coffee shop. Fragrance of coffee bean, vanilla air freshener wafted to your nose, the comforting wooden minimalist arabica design greeted your eyes for its pleasing aesthetic scenery.

"Yes, we have to i mean how bad could it be?" she grinned, pulling your arm to her clutches while both of you scoured inside, "besides, the past must stay as the past, it was just a silly president election it's not like he would hold grudges against you for getting elected," she continued, referring to the big college event far ago before the senior year. 

That one time when you and Eren Jaeger applied to be the student council president, and like how history spoke, the winner rejoiced, and nobody really care about what happens next to the loser. It was a though fight, you were quite determined to take that core position with your persona, you believed that you could bring greater goods for the community, and you DID do good, but Eren fought back passionately, and you remembered you could see fire in his eyes during his speech at the debate election, he may not smart but he's clever, maybe a little aggressive but hell does he moved so many people's heart, you remembered when he was standing tall and brave on that podium while his sea green eyes glued the room together, the intimacy that is fiery and optimistic, but as the whole world know destiny said otherwise, without your own anticipation 

you won. 

And since then your reign begun. You rule well, you made plenty achievements as student president and you never been so proud of yourself, since then you never lose your dedication for your people, and the feel of being a victor, and oh how you loved the feel of being powerful. 

You and Hitch walked upstairs to the second loft of the coffee shop after you both ordered the drinks you wanted, "I dunno Hitch, i don't think that this is a good idea," you mumbled to the girl next to you, while you scratching the back of your ear, "when Armin said not to mess with Eren i think he meant it."

Sure you were delighted with your victory, but you still couldn't help yourself to feel bad for Eren, there's this strange tingle of guilt vine your stomach when you, the possessor approached your ex rival far a month ago, he gave you this bitter dirty look as you waved him a polite good morning, then he stormed off without a single word, you felt like he was prestige to look into your eyes since then. 

"And when i said he was a wuss, and a man child for going all off emo after that election i also meant it," Hitch rolled her eyes, she pat your back as a reassurance before you two finally found the person you've been looking for, almost unrecognizable from the last time you guys bumped to each other, for a moment your eyes widened to the now Eren Jaeger.

 There he was sitting all pretty at the smoking area, his hair was pulled onto a messy bun with a few loose strands on his nape, he was far more built than the boy you used to know, his bushy eyebrows looking furrowed to a sketchbook, the charcoal pencil he's holding dances on top of it. He was styled in a thin knitted black long sleeve top that hugged his muscular body tightly, army green cargo pants, and combat boots — you know, those kind of boots you wear to a rock concert just to kick someone — his rolled sleeves, revealing his veiny arms that covered with tattoos. His long legs is stretched to the chair next to him while he is leaning against the wall. 

Hitch glanced at you, she cackled noticing you googling at Eren, she pulled you by your wrist approaching the brunet, "you'll be fine," she snickered, while you could only let out a soft sigh, here goes nothing. 

Hitch signal her presence to Eren with a light cough, a small thud hit the surface of his sketchbook after he dropped his pencil. His gaze shifts to both of you who were standing by his side, he raised his left brow when his eyes met yours, you stared back at Eren and he outstared you blankly, "Jaeger," you hesitated. 

About time you finally came to me.

"Y/N," he replied, calling you by your first name. His expression never change, they're rather cold, unimpressed, he studied both of you, then back to you, he lift his chin up as he locked his eyes on you, "you brought a friend." Intruder, he finally said after a brief silence, Eren closed his sketchbook and then cracked his knuckles, Hitch pulled you, taking a seat in front of Eren. 

"Now let's skip the chit chat, because by the way Eren, you smells musty," Hitch waved her hand in front of her face, she's not wrong though, he smells like tobacco and axe body spray. Furthermore when Hitch explained the reasons of hers and yours arrival to Eren, his gaze never really left you, sometimes he would spare Hitch small glances and nods as confirmation of himself still listening, but his attention was on you. 

And you willingly stares back, you still couldn't read his expression, they're as calm as the morning blue sky, they're just so empty it sucks you in, maybe it's the blunt hatred and envy from him for your presidential position, or maybe it was something else, you even almost think that you two are basically eye fucking each other. 

You extended him the proposal and the selected material details to him, it's almost graduation, and you're running out of time to find someone who could make an exclusive design for the jackets you are planning to make as a gift for the after party event. The other councilor members and you also haven't decide the theme yet, it has to be perfect. Your last hope is Eren, the fine arts student all the girls in school droll over, even though his charisma was slightly dimmed after his loss at the election, he still got his charm, and you really prayed to Goddess Fortuna because you don't want to risk looking for someone else to customize this specific special item and just to get disappoint by the erratic result, at least when Eren agree to take the work, someone could watch over.

"No fucking way," Eren let out a smug chortled, "the president needs my help," he added in a sneering tone. Cute. 

"So you agree or not Eren," you try to suppress your nerve, and you really try not to punch his cocky face, the way he throw his head back a little so he gave you this kind of kubrick stare, gazing into your soul as if he wants to eat you alive, and just like they said, if looks could kill, you're probably be ripped apart by now. 

"What if i say no?" he continued, tapping his boot's toe on the wooden floor. 

"You'll waste your talent," you gift a thin smile that hides a very big urge to stab him repeatedly. 

Eren chuckled, he looked away towards the window before he lean forward to you, "What happen to the other art students, L/N? Did they finally acknowledge your overly perfectionist bossy self or what?" 

"And what about it?" you argued, leaning to his face, he wanted to humiliate you, he wanted you to get on your knees and beg, but you still have your dignity. 

"Uh, what is this," Hitch hesitated, "i am highly uncomfortable with the atmosphere we created in this room," what's with the eye fucking? Hitch thought, she felt like she's interrupting a really heated make out session but instead of kissing it was exchanging pure hatred, Hitch nudged you by your elbow, giving you a look. 

You gritted your teeth and pursed your lips together, leaning closer to Eren's face, "Alright, if this is about that stupid president election we had together grow up Eren! The world doesn't evolve in your stupid drama queen head, so please since i'm asking you nicely before i could fu-" You stopped your bust as a waitress came over with the drinks you ordered earlier, you glared angrily at Eren as you caught a tug of amused smirk at the corner of his lips, it was the fact that you desperately needs his help but still play all bitchy, he found it funny. 

Sure you have your dignity, and he is willing to destroy it just because he can.

After the waitress left, you tasted your fresh latte angrily, making Eren chuckled under his husky breath, while on the other side Hitch is silently witnessing the tense between you two. 

"Fine," Eren broke the silence after a few minutes since the waitress left, "i'll take the work." he sat up, you nodded and watched as that key necklace of his dangling out from his collar, and when your eyes laid on the toned chest that peaking under his shirt, you gulped your saliva and quickly looked away, "good, thank you for your understanding."

You clasps your hands together and you could hear Hitch's faint sigh of relief, "great so now i think we have our deal, you know Professor Levi's tea shop right? tomorrow we're doing a gathering, be there before 8, and if-" 

who says that i'm finished doll? Eren tug another smirk, "but with some condition."

⊱✿⊰

"For real? No party organizer available until next January?" you groaned in frustration, frantically flipping through pages of your journal, Hitch and Armin walks by your side to the long table area.

Chaos. 

Chaos everywhere, you feel like your head is going to explode, your blood boils, and there's this uncomfortable anxiety under your skin, crippling under you and devouring you slowly. You've been overworked yourself the entire night after your meeting with Eren, you were brainstorming for your graduation speech, activity recap, and of course other ornaments for the very last project you're having in your senior year, you cried for three hours while listening to montgomery ricky then cried again over the document you accidentally deleted. 

You're exhausted.

Mentally and physically, you woke up with puffy eyes and wrecked brain, but you knew that everything must go on, and no, you won't back down, everything has to be perfect, 

It has to be perfect. 

Hitch pouted as she watches you typing on your laptop, she snakes her arms around your waist and leaned her head against your shoulder, watching you making some kind of budget recap, "sweetie you should rest and lay down." She spoke with a soft smile. 

You pursed your lips together before you leaned your head on top of hers, not leaving your eyes from your laptop, "thanks Hitch, but i'm alright, i'll just finish this and i'll take a break for a bit." You just can't really trust anything without yourself being under control or watching over, you're afraid that everything would astray far from your definition of 'perfection,' this empire you've been building, and this is your last legacy the next generation will remember, and you wanted it to be remarkable. 

"No dumbass, the last catering service was too expensive and apparently our university was filled with cheapskates." argued a voice from across the room.

"Well we have no choice???" other voice argued back, "Or we can rely on your very bad cooking skill Kirstein, just pray nobody's gonna die from food poisoning." 

You huffed at the sight of Ymir and Jean who was sitting face to face on the floor, both are on their phone scrolling on google, you looked around and found Sasha, Marco and Connie, chatting across you, and you looked over to the three people next to you, your vice president Hitch, your treasurer Armin, and your secretary Mikasa. You couldn't help yourself but smiling at your team, they works so well. 

Then you frowned as your realized something, "Have Eren-" 

A short blonde girl with a tray of drinks and snacks entered the room, "Y'all snack time!" she called out with a large grin on her face.

Ymir's face lit up as she walked up to her girlfriend, Sasha sprinted towards Historia, going feral over food as usual. 

"Ugh finally," you chuckled to Jean's mumble. Soon, half of the room crowded the blonde girl, reaching for snacks and drinks, your eyes fixated as you slowly notice the presence of the familiar sea green eyes, you watches as Eren strolls inside of the meeting room, he yawned before he took a seat on Hitch's place, your frowned slightly, "excuse you?" 

"Excuse me?" he replied, plastering that damn cocky smile, he looked to you up and down, definitely mocking you under his degrading gaze, dammit y/n did you overworked yourself?

"Well have you look at yourself, President." he snickered, suddenly a sketch design laid in front of you, you shift your eyes to Eren, before you took the papers on your hands. Soft grazes of colored pencil and ink, the art was delicate yet firm, "what is this?" you asked dumbly to the design of two bomber jackets, each of the jackets has their own scrawled side notes of the color details, embroidery, and even fabric material.

"Both jacket will be make from satin, no argument, satin," Eren spoke, he pointed his polished finger nail to the design, "the girls will have the yellow one, the boys will take the red, it'll have our Uni symbol and our number," he explained, "should be ready as soon as possible," Eren watches you closely, waiting for you to say something. Part of him.....just wants you to react, just anything, just any reaction exclusively for him. 

You blinked slowly, wow. Honestly it's beautiful, looks like it was Harajuku style inspired, you can't wait to touch the final craft, you glanced at Eren, "thank you," you spoke finally, "it's really beautiful."

I'm glad you like it. "Of course it's beautiful, i made it," he replied with a smug face, he cracked his knuckles then tapped his fingers to the wooden table, "now now, what do we have here." 

It was part of Eren's condition. One, he wanted to be fully involved in the graduation ceremony prep and the after party. Two, most importantly nobody touch his creation while he have full control of it, you reluctantly gave him the responsiblity to handle the venue decoration and the theme, most of the people in your team weren't really pleased with that decision, but like you all have time to think? But after considering it, you felt like it would be good idea to have extra hands helping. 

Anything,

To reach the absolute perfection.

⊱✿⊰

"I'm so glad, that this is almost over, because i could not bear drinking another monster and espresso or i might get caffeine intoxication," you grinned as you earned chuckles through the dinner table, it was all paid off, and the grand event was right in front of your eyes, you could already imagine yourself standing on that podium, delivering your grand speech, high and god like.

But now, celebration first. 

The admiration looks from your team and the last year student council team — who decided to join for the gig — feeds your ego, there's Zeke, Nicolo, Reiner, Pieck and her girlfriend Yelena, Porco and Bertholdt. Your friends really look up to you, from the day you earned your position, they knew they could count on you. "Thank you, thank you for all of the hard works this season, i would never ask for a better team, you guys are the best that i could ever wished for," you grinned and picked up the can of beer from the table, everybody raises their drinks, and you looked at the edge of the table, where your graduated senior, Zeke Jaeger sitting down, giving you a proud look, he was a student president before you, "this is for everyone, our community has never been this great, because you all dedicated your hearts." As you cheers together, you looked around, something is missing, you can feel it, yet you can't find any solid answer for that feeling. 

It was a simple outdoor Korean barbecue party in your house's backyard, after all done, you wanted nothing but to treat your friends, because that's what they deserved for serving you right. It was returning favor, while waiting for the meat to be cook perfectly by your senior Nicolo, you sat besides Mikasa as you both chats, while Armin was next to her, busy with his phone. In the distance, chaotic guitar strums and jams from drunk Connie and Jean cracking the air together with everyone that hyping them up. You pressed your chin against Mikasa's shoulder while both of you giggling over a twitter thread. 

"Eren said he's coming over," Armin announced to both of you, he looked down to his phone and let out a heavy sigh. 

So that was the missing piece. 

"Why's the sigh?" you asked Armin.

Armin hesitated, he looked around everywhere that isn't you, he rubbed his hand through his undercut, it feels like watching someone having a very conflicted mind war with themself, he then finally impaled you with a mixed expression, "Y/N," he started, "i don't know how to say this but....." He glanced over at Mikasa, and you followed him. 

The dark haired girl rather gave him a surprised expression, a some kind of you did not! look. You exchanged the utterly confusion to both of them, Mikasa nodded slowly, "She needs to know, Armin." 

"I need to know what?" 

"What are you guys talking about?" you turned around and sees Eren standing right in front of you, bruised up and bleeding, his knuckles was fucked in a shade of dark red and purple, strands of hair falling in front of his face, Mikasa quickly stood up, "Eren did you—"

"Yes i did," he shot her a cold glare, you could see from the corner of your eyes that Zeke started to approaching, Eren's eyes then finally found Armin, who's looking scared and nervous more than ever, "tell me, what's the interesting story Armin?" his tone was striking and icy, under his husky voice, you could track hints of slurs because of alcohol. 

Armin went quiet, he gripped his knuckles, what is this? something must happened and you didn't know, and you hated that. You hated when things was out of your reach. "It's okay Eren, you should check your wounds, they look pretty bad," Armin swallowed, his words came out more threatening than he anticipated. 

"No, no, no, i wanted to know what you gonna say to Y/N," Eren moves closer to Armin, "you are not trying to tell her anything bad about me right?" 

They looked like they're ready to throw hands, but Zeke was already slips between them, holding the both boys's chests with his flat palms, "come on now guys, let's not." he hesitated.

"No, let's." Eren insisted, he slapped his brother's hand, you quickly pulled him down by his arm, he flinched when he felt your touch, Eren glance at you, and for a split second his eyes went soft, it was that soft that you felt nothing but pure affection from his sea green eyes, then something took over his body, he suddenly pulled you by your collar, lifting you up, moving your face closer to his.

His eyes were bloodshot, you squeezed his wrists while kicking your feet on the air, "you," he growled, his warm breath smells like alcohol, you blinked slowly, scanning Eren's animalistic glare, but there is no hate in his eyes, you found yourself trying to look for it but there it none, instead there's this raging desire, he looked at you like you were his prey, "Eren-" you choked, for the first time, you feel powerless.

"I hate you," he hissed, but all you could sense was lie, his mortal fingers squeezing you so deadly but you feel the comfort of it, the bizarrely embracing lust, and his existence blurs all the noises around you, just you and Eren Jaeger. "you took everything from you," he continued, "i woke up everyday wishing you dead." 

You knitted your eyebrows, and you feel your godly ichor rushes back through your veins, a disgusted smirk appeared on your face, belittling him for lying, "liar." 

Then huge arms pulled Eren from you, tackling him to the ground, Mikasa caught you before you hit the ground, Hitch stepped in front of you, shielding you from Eren who was struggling under Zeke, "Eren what the hell!" she shouted. Mikasa helped you up and pulled you close to her chest, "Y/N are you okay?" she sounded so scared, questions and assumptions popping in your head about what happens between Mikasa, Armin, and Eren. You looked up, finding Reiner helping Zeke restraining his own brother. You knew a minute ago that guy attacked you, but seeing Eren in that position just feels so wrong, you never thought you'll get drew by a guy like Eren Jaeger, but here you are finding yourself shoving aside your pride while approaching the two blonds. You put your hand on Zeke's shoulder, squeezing them gently, "it's okay," your delicate tone shocks him, "let him go Zeke." 

You could feel everyone giving you a jaw drop, but when all eyes on you, you find yourself only looking at Eren. 

After a tense moment, Zeke and Reiner finally let go of the brunet, you pulled Eren up then you put the tip of your fingers to his chin, examining his wounds, he scoffed and avoided your eyes, dropping his eyes to the ground. "Let's get that clean up," you mumbled and dragged him by his hand, intertwining his fingers with yours. Leaving everyone in a ambiguous silence. 

"Why are they leaving? the wagyu is ready."

You walked upstairs to your room, no words exchange both of you before you finally entered the bathroom with Eren, you let go of his hand, your heartbeat strangely skipping inside your chest, while you were searching for the medicine kit in the cabinet, when you finally turn around, you found Eren already sitting on the toilet seat, you kneeled down in front of him and you opened the medicine kit, you pulled a towel from the drawer and stood up, wetting it in the sink, "what happen?" you finally spoke. 

Eren let out a deep chuckle, he wiped his bloody nose with his thumb then wiped it off on his jeans, gross. "Why do you care," he asserted. 

You rolled your eyes and kneeled back in front of him, with dripping wet cloth on your right hand, "please you stormed on me, lifted me up and looked at me like you wanted fuck me against the table while also wanted to burn me alive at the same time." you gave him a judging look. You took his hands, and then slowly pressed the dampen cloth on his bloody knuckles, he didn't flinch, Eren remained silence while he watches you. You could feel his smirk while you were treating his wounds. "Have i told you how hideous you look tonight?" he asked quietly. 

"No, tell me." 

Eren then moved his left hand away from you, extending them, he caressed his thumb on your cheekbone, made you froze, his hand then traveled to your ear, it tugged your hair behind them, "i cannot." He whispered softly. 

You looked up, and put the now reddish cloth on the floor, you moved closer to the burnet in front of you, you intertwined your fingers with his once again, the tense on his shoulders visibly relax while his pupils widened to the presence of you, "now would you tell me what happen?" your voice sweetened, melodic in his ear, and it seems like he's lured enough by it. 

Eren huffed a chuckle, he looked down to both of your hands, "Had a fight with Pops," he shrugged, "took the anger on the wall." You moved closer to his face, close enough to smell the liquor in his breath. Eren stared at you, he never imagine he would have the blessing to be this close with you, he was always watching you from afar. Those interrogation towards Armin regarding you, questions after questions on your personal life, forcing Armin to dug deeper and helped Eren fulfilling his needs on you, he'd followed you after school, to your favorite coffee shop, your home so he'll know your address, to where ever he could reach you, man... he'll go after you to the edge of the world if that's where you're heading. 

"Do you still hate me?" you asked, and to be honest the question kind of scares you, because after these past few weeks of spending more time with Eren Jaeger, you finally caught in his fire, his flaming intimacy you thought was long gone, and you also surprises yourself for not getting pissed off by the feeling, because it makes you feel vulnerable. 

Eren grazes his thumb on your jaw as if you were made of glass, he kneeled down to the floor with you, so you both could be equal, no high ground. "The truth is my darling, i never was," he confirmed, "after you won that election it was my last straw because from the first time i laid my eyes on you, Love.... You have bewitched me body and soul," he's been watching over you from the distance and you still as pathetic as he could remember, maybe it's the way you stole glances at him, the way you would secretly checking him out but little did you know that he notices everything, he's been reading you like an open book without having to flip through every pages, because you already spread open for him, "you have became the very thing that is out of my reach, Love. And for i have fancy you, and you'll be mine not just in my mind but fully," and he is itching to taste you. His warmth envelopes you to a sense of safety, he trails his hands to your waist, pulling you closer to him, and you melt like a candle on fire. Right above you stand an entity greater than yourself, the essence of mystery that fold itself in front of you, and with the universe speak between you, everything is a clarity. 

And you, you don't get it, you thought it was all envy to the position you have, and for the first time, you crave something other than power, "Did you just quoted Pride and Prejudice for me, Jaeger?" you snakes your arms around his neck while his growing bulge strokes on your clothed cunt, the rough material of his jeans made your arousal grow thicker, "my, my, my i used to think that you were just a pretty face with zero common sense," you teased, nuzzling your nose against him. 

His husky chuckle vibrates against your skin, without warning he pushes you up against the wall and you immediately jumped onto his waist with your legs, you gasped as your back hit the cold surface, Eren kneading your butt cheeks as he was holding you up, his chest pressed on yours, warm breath mixes together, "ouch, did you just call me dumb?" you snickered, Eren tilts his head before he smirked, "maybe we could be equally dumb after i make you babble nonsense with my cock." His mouth devouring yours feverishly. Frantic gestures rid you and him of clothes on your body, while you helped Eren unbuckling his belt, his teeth grazes yours, tongues fighting for dominance with each other, he latched his lips onto yours, hungry for more taste, you started to sucking his bottom lip while Eren savor your taste, he pushes more for a deeper kiss, his hand fondling your clothed boob, then it slipped under them, as he found your stiffened nipple, you felt his smirk between your kiss, and a moan escaped from your lips, they're already swollen and you knew you needed air soon, but without your realizing, you already breath through his air through the kiss. 

You unhooked your bra while Eren pressed you harder against the wall, his cock was already free from his jeans and boxer, his beautiful tip was coated in precum, when you finally exposed your breasts in front of him, the animalistic side possessed him back, Eren kneads your breasts greedily causing you to mewl, shivers running down your spine, and you unconsciously grinds you drenched cunt against his waist, Eren cackled. 

"What a fucking whore, you looked like a cat in heat." 

You whined when his flat palm hit your cunt, he rubs the dampen clothed surface of your clit, Eren brought his mouth to your breast and started to circling his tongue on your nipple, making your back arched and you grinding to nothingness of his waist, "whore," he spat, a string of saliva bridge between your skin and his lips, "is this what you called a student president? i don't think so." Eren grip your throat and slowly adding pressure to your air circulation with his index finger and thumb, his other hand has been stroking his own cock for awhile, he uses his precum as lube and your eyes twinkled to the beautiful sight. 

Your lips parted, he let out a throaty groan to your ear just to tease you, "what if i just jack myself and leave you like this?" the menacing grin appeared on his face, your desperate look just pleased him even more, he groaned under his breath as he feeling himself twitching, and your drooling pussy just looking tastier than ever, Eren inhaled and faked a pout, "aw, what is it? don't you want to walk around with my cum dripping from your slutty hole aren't you? that is sinful my Love, won't it gonna stain your pride, Miss President?" 

You cursed under you breath, and another slap landed on your cunt, you threw your head back as Eren squeezed you against the wall, "nu uh, bad words," he growled, "what do you want, Y/N? Use your fucking mouth if you want something, did your parents never tell you?" another hard slap on your cunt made you gasp, you cried louder, and Eren shushed you while peppering kiss on your naked shoulder, "careful darling they might hear you from downstairs." 

He pecked your nose before he finally aims his cock to your entrance, stroking his tip to your dripping cunt, "what do you want, Y/N? say it." He repeated.

"Your cock!" you whimpered, "please pound me with your cock.... please Eren.. i just want it inside.."

He slammed into you, causing you to let out a sharp noise, "Oh, like this?" Eren felt your soft warm walls hugging him so tightly, as if you guys just fit so perfectly together, he held his hand on your tummy to prevent you from grinding your greedy self, letting your cunt clenching him by itself, "fuck you're so tight my Love," he groaned subtly. 

"E-eren please move..... i'm begging you...." you sobbed so pathetically. Eren moved his face close to yours and pinned your wrists above your head, "this will need an outcome don't you think?" he tilted his head, making you wept for his cock to move even more, suddenly an idea popped in his head, "I will move," he said, "i'll shoot my loads in you and then you'll be mine, i want you to want me so badly, i'm going to imprison you, and then.... just then...it'll be just you and me, always and forever," he dug his face on the crook of your neck, inhaling your scent so they'll stay in his head, but he knew it won't, you're his own personal drug anyways, "promise, Darling?" Eren whispered against your skin.

You shivered under him, your eyes rolls at the back of your head, your pussy is aching with lust, so needy for his cock. You quickly nodded your head, "p-promise." 

Eren kissed your neck, sucking them briefly, leaving a visible mark on your soft skin, "good girl."

He pulled his cock from you, leaving just the tip, before then he impaled, filling you up with his length, he slide so easily onto your meat, your legs shivered as he endlessly pushed deeper inside you, and you could feel his tip kissed your cervix, Eren then started to moves at a quick pace, "you like that so much hm? taking my cock like a little slut," he said velvety, turning you on even more. He buried your moan into a deep kiss, his big arm scoot your hips close to him as he ramming his cock with no mercy onto your walls, his other hand still pinning your wrists, as if you're gonna escape from him. You started to rolling your hips on him, making him move more faster, you're both skin to skin, grinding onto each other desperately, "Eren....s'big...so deep..." you moaned. He continues to pound into you.

"Fuck, that's right baby say my name."

"Eren!"

After a minute he completely stopped, you opened your eyes and your face shows confusion, before you could ask any questions, he suddenly slams all of his length into you, causing you to yelp both in pain and pleasure, the lewd sound of skin slapping made you curl your toes, he pounding into you like there's no tomorrow, you threw your head back, your tongue lolling out from your lips, he slamming all his length in and out of you repeatedly until you're a shaking panting mess, an amused look plastered on his cocky face, and his hips didn't stop dipping on you, not letting you think straight or put up any fight, "come on, fucking take it like the cumslut you are."

You choked on your breath as the knot in your stomach getting tighter, "E-ren... hugs...hugs....?" you purred to him, he finally let go of your wrists and let your head fell against his shoulder, he increases his phase that you didn't know was possible, you warped your arms around him as he did to you, and you dragged your nails through his sweaty back, Eren started to whisper sweet nothings as he felt himself twitching, he slurred curses underneath his groaned, his veins popped as he gripped you tightly, his muscles flexes at each moves.

You didn't dare to question him when he said that he'll fill you up inside, because no matter what your answer is, he'll do it anyway. The sight of his hard rock abs and v lines sent you over the edge, “Eren i’m gonna cum—“

“cum with me, Darling.” 

You tasted the bitter tint in your tongue as you started seeing stars, you vision went black as Eren rides you to your orgasm while fluid started dripping down your thighs, your body is shaking uncontrollably, Eren let out a loud groan as he riding himself to his own high using your abused cunt, he shot his warm thick load onto your womb, making sure you take all of it, you buried your face on his neck, he slowly pulls out his cock and watches the white liquid oozing from your hole. Eren lifted up your chin, he cupped your cheek and pressed a soft kiss against your lips, mixing your pants together, “mine.” he moaned to your soft plump lips.

“yours."

⊱✿⊰