#the internet is so crazy you can just draw whatever and post it. and sometimes people will even like it

[kaledya]

I'm will mess the order of our conversations but I need to explain how the things happened !

So I was on Youtube, and i saw your post about you wanting to do some dark fantasy/steampunk story on your own world (and it is also my favorite type of book but with more fantasy politics I'm writing in my langage) and I was so hyped for the idea like putting some pom-pom girl outfit or whatever to encourage you to do it!!

Like let's go ! You have the potential and I will watch it all ! (Well not that my support can really help cause I have no influence on internet whatsoever but ahah) I will love it ! Like slayyyy🌸🌸🌸

And then I thought perhaps you had some concept art already on tumblr so I go here and then... IMMEDIATELY was attacked by your gift  and I was not ready. Kaledya *take my hamster* Like the doodles are so sooo cute !

First, Narrator is smooth. Ah ! My crazy baby. Just by the shape of his smile you know its over ahah

Second, Lolicia's second outfit (thanks bg3 again) and just, I just love how calm she looks.🌸 You did her so well, I need to try to do a profile like that for her!

Third, my favorite, the Human Lolicia. So pretty! First the doodles with the big eyes ! I love when you do that with the characters its very adorable. And her human face and the look is so Lolicia i think like soft and... unhinged a bit scary. Love it.

Fourth, Vittorio aaaah. So mischievous. *take my Astarion hamster back.*

Thank you ! I was not prepared! I know I was suppose to be. But I was not ahah. I will gift you back !🌸

_

I'm glad you liked the gift ! I will draw more and hopefully get better and better !

And fore the shape-shifting idea of Constantine for justifying differents type of horns is 🌸clever🌸. All questions of people answered just by that!

Also yes thank you, I just play doll with Lolicia's outfit and I justify it by saying its Velvette who makes it ahah

_

Anw I like your OCs too! And yes Narrator steal hearts of everyone I saw, good for him ahah ! Oh yes ! I think even if Constantine had a very strict and extreme education, even princes had time to go out with "friends" even if Constantine never really had friends before Serinity he still had guys of his age to spent time with sometimes and they just had a moment to be free a bit. So teen Constantine and Verdelet/Narrator we will see them in the short story !

I saw Turkish people weaponry in museum too! I don't like guns of our times but old riffles like that ? Yes. And don't mention Berserk like its not a trauma manga 😭 ahah

_

I love all of your designs I just don't say it all the time but I do!

_

I just love when you give all the comments about the chapters, rating about the songs and the ambiance (thank you again i just can't-) and then you just like :

You : So beautiful, I love it but now THE REAL DEAL, I don't fucking care, I want to know ABOUT LOLICIA...

And that just kill me with laugh. Every. Time.

_

Also for your exams (that is a damn important part) glad you made it to your first exam ! And for your boss exam just take an armor, focus on shading and proportion and just go for it. Slay! Everything will be okay *pom pom girl movement* Just slap that ART exam in the face.

The villain career just killed me twice ! Honestly, I can write your villain songs no problem. Let me just kidnapped a musician real quick just in case...

_

Thank you ! And you will do a fantastic animator once you are in that university of animation you want to be in. I'm not even worry, you have made a lot of progress since your first and last animatics on youtube for exemple, from the positioning of the characters, the dramatic effect linked to the music lyrics, the differents perspectives and the little details in the poses and camera work. So continue to be what you are !🌸🌸🌸

Now I will write !

OMG!!! Do you like the steampunk/fantasy theme too!!?? I'm so glad to hear that!! I seriously love this theme, both visually and in terms of the factors it adds to the story.

Right now, in my mind, the place where the first part of the story will take place will be a city that relies on technology and does not have much magic. Maybe it could be a region with class distinctions, a bit like the cyberpunk universe.

Or a universe where there is a lot of life difference between the nobles (wealthy people) and the Lower class people. in Red Rising and Mistborn While one side lives a rosy life amidst wealth, the other side is drowned in misery.

And did I understand correctly? Are you writing your own story about this concept in your own language??

SHOW MEEEEEE (in niffty's voice)

And THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! AND YOUR WORDS MEAN A LOT TO ME, THANKS A LOT!!❤️❤️❤️ And it doesn't matter whether you have an influence on the internet or not, you are someone whose work I love very much, it is an honor to be supported by you!)

---

YAAAAAAAAAY *gently takes the hamster* I'M SO GLAD YOU LIKED IT!!!! I wish I could draw them more now. I love all of them very much, and I love Verdelet more and more with each passing chapter! Lolicia is great as always and not to mention Abaddon. I want to draw him so bad and I'm so excited for Charlie's meeting with him!

*kindly gives the hamster back*

----

And definitely! Constantine was someone who thought that there could be alliances in hell, but even those he thought friendship was impossible, this changed with Serenity, but it was a very sloooooow process. Even then, at first, instead of calling Serenity a friend, Constantine says this "she is tolerable or I find her amusement."So it really was a long process of acceptance for him.

And yes! Although Constantine had no friends when he was young, he spent a lot of time with people at his age: his cousins, or other high nobles like Verdelet!

And I read that short story and loved it!!Constsntine's training sequence, the dialogues between him and Verdelet, everything!! I really loved the dialogues and dynamics of Verdelet and Constantine. It was great to read the little adventure between them!!

And I love brothel story arcs for some reason too.Strangely, very rich story arcs can occur in brothels. I always think of the Yoshiwara arc in Gintama, it was a really great arc.

Also, the scenes where Verdelet takes Constantine to the brothel and they live there were beautiful!

Con: These pants are not coming on tonight. *" You dont have my attention "by looking at the brothel*

Verdelet:HAH! I never said anything like that *rips out someone's heart and shows it to Con* We're just going to do a live anatomy lesson" *"well.. you got my attention now"*

The short story was a seriously fun read!

--

Definitely! In general, everything that is old seems more artistic to me, even the rain pipes on buildings.

Yes, it was a trauma (experiences traumatic flashback), but on the other hand, it was a masterpiece manga. It was a perfect manga, both in terms of story and drawings.(funny part is, I'm wearing a Berserk t-shirt while writing this part)

----

And (⁠´⁠⊙⁠ω⁠⊙⁠`⁠)⁠→of course I will do this, you always bless me in your writing

And LMAO I love Lolicia and your OCs in general. Sometimes I even say, "Damn the general plot, I want to see these characters."Looking forward to Lolicia and Con meeting *getting ready to draw ship fanart*

And all joking aside, I love the designs you chose for your OCs in general and I also love their personalities. They are so fun to read. On the other hand, if you write a story that is told only POW of your OCs Please send it to me, I'll be happy to read it! 🛐🛐

---

And thank you very much for the support!!!! I hope I can win by working hard But just in case *prepares rope for kidnapping*

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL OF YOUR KIND WORDS!!!!❤️❤️❤️

____

Now it's time to talk about short stories. The short story between Azrael and Abaddon was simply a masterpiece.I loved the dialogues between them, their protection details were very nice.I really liked Abaddon's personality, you really created a beautiful character.

Michael's idea of giving Charlie and Constantine a blessing to prevent them from going to the dark side was really interesting.At least it clearly worked on Charlie. 2x cinnamon rolls

And Azrael taking care of Lucifer's ducks was so sweet!!

I'm seriously excited to see abaddon in the future.

And I LOVED ABADDON'S DESIGN AND AZRAEL LOOKS AMAZING !!!

In short, thank you again for blessing my eyes!!

Have a good day❤️❤️

[parabiota]

(No need to respond) the validation I admittedly feel seeing your post cannot be understated. I went through the same realizations because of her ai gen pfp where she said she was seeing if she could draw on her tablet again and someone asked for a timelapse and she wouldn't do it. Then i realized she was posting art she made using stock images (not really a crime) but claiming she drew them for wallpapers and inevitably I couldn't find any proof of her degree. It was maddening.

I couldn't find anyone else making these same discoveries so I wasn't sure if I was just going crazy over it. I think your post isn't really *that* harmful especislly if shes profiting off the lies. I dont even really care about the ai art on its own. I care about the way it compounds onto other discrepencies that accumulate into profit and is ultimately seeming to be built on lies. My only hope is she isn't lying about her financial situation. And she really does just need the money.

ultimately i believe you gave plenty of grace where grace could b given. And to me at lesst, i feel a little less crazy knowing I was seeing something fishy.

Arthur (the show) was right. Sometimes people can in fact just come on the internet and lie.

YEAH honestly Idgaf about any of this if she was telling the truth — if she was like ‘this is my ai generated art’ or ‘I used to study physics but I dropped out’ I would not care. Like that’s fine, none of those are inherently bad statements — the ai one is a bit tasteless but I’d be willing to accept it as just a difference in opinion. If she was honest while making donation posts, I wouldn’t have even raised an eyebrow. I probably would’ve tossed her a few dollars.

But noooo it has to be ‘this is my incredible art that I created’ and ‘I’m an astrophysicist with 2 phds’ like both of those statements are so utterly ridiculous. & it’s not like these lies have started recently — it’s been like 2 yrs of ai art and 8 years of claiming to be an astrophysicist. She started in 2015, when she was a freshman in college, and if my weird investigative journalism is right and she did drop out in 2017, then she has been lying for 6 years straight while not even being enrolled in a uni. I’m a bio student in my 3rd year and I feel weird about calling myself a biologist because I’m still a *student*.

The point I was trying to make w that post was ‘if she has been lying for 8 (or 6 if we’re being nice) years about X, and 2 years about Y, then she might be lying about Z too.’ I don’t really want to hurt her but girl how long do you expect this to go on lol. Genuinely.

I’ve said it before but I personally think people who are considering to send her a tenner should donate it to like. Palestinian relief organizations or one of the many actual homeless people who use this site. But like idk it’s your money you can do whatever you want with it !

[hollisartsblog]

Sorry for the long post, I just felt like I needed to get it out, if you want to read I'd be happy, if not, it's okay!

reading for the first time after almost 5 years what I used to write and think about late at night, and now I feel like doing it again, trying to find the right words.

I wanna talk about being in the moment as an artist, appreciating what you do, and not giving a fuck. (and loving ur young self)

I spent my teenage years drawing and posting here, so I had a lot to read tonight and to think about.

have u ever experienced that strange feeling, where you are like "wow. I was actually so beautiful and smart, who could have ever hated me?"

I was a completely different person, and maybe I miss that little girl, and maybe I hate her even a little. now, I'm not here to talk like I'm in a psychoanalyst's deckchair, of course. but I'm here, to resume the beautiful, however embarrassing in my opinion, habit of writing my most intimate thoughts (shareable, of course) that cross my mind at night, because maybe they can help someone, because we are never alone. just as they helped you years ago, just as it has helped me re-reading them now after all this time. I've had some crazy years. I was young, I was passionate and genuinely free to do whatever I wanted. I had friends, I had just sold a self-published book, I had "fans", I was "successful", I had good grades, I had a girlfriend, yet I wasn't happy. I know it sounds like the usual sweet story about happiness and self-satisfaction, but I don't think so (and even if it was, well, here we are ;) ) I didn't realize how necessary EVERYTHING that was happening to me was.

artists have a huge difficulty accepting that sometimes we have to look inside and accept that we have to constantly learn, instead we are always in a hurry to be perfect, to get likes, to earn, but that's not how it goes. I was literally 16 and already thinking about this, thinking I must be good enough to please everyone.

spoiler: you can never do that.

as I said years ago, our eyes are not the right eyes to judge us.

appreciate the compliments, don't dismiss them with an embarrassed smile. appreciate the effort and hours put into a work even if it is bad for you. hug your self when after a bad day you still have the courage to do what you love. being an artist is beautiful, but a huge burden, especially for us. remember that when our insecurities take over, we are not lucid.

yes, that drawing u posted that got 8 likes made 8 people feel something. how amazing is that?

yes, it will be fine, that text you wrote will be something new in someone's eyes, it won't be something read and re-read to make it perfect. you will amaze and make someone fall in love with what u did.

internet is an amazing place, and sometimes it's not. I got myself into a really bad place because I was too immature and too impatient to immediately be the artist I always felt I was, but NO ONE is after you with a clock ticking away time.

you really think someone care about how much time does it take you to get to your goal? why should it matter? I'm not going to list every single successful person who actually made it and tell you "look! they were poor now they are rich, so u can do it!". i'm telling you to always love the process; I would've punched myself in the face, I hated when adults told me this phrase, but it's true: everything pass. you are not gonna be like this forever. you are gonna love what you do one day, and love life because life takes but gives.

(tw: mental health) I spent years between psychologists and suicidal thoughts, I was never enough, and my art not only made me feel miserable, but it was one of the first reason I fell into depression. it always reminded me how plain, boring, and uninspired I was.

there was never anything that was right in what I did, every comment and every ask you sent me had no weight for me, they meant nothing because I didn't I believed in myself, yet I should have tasted it. now I reread them crying, not believing what I read. I was talented, man, I was full of ideas, I was amazing. I lost that spark, because of fear, of waiting for the right moment. i sabotaged myself because i was afraid of judgement, of pressure, when i had love around me, everywhere.

now I'm in Florence, far from home, studying in a private academy of animation and digital art. would I ever have thought that? absolutely no. I deserve it? Yes. because I, like you artists, have grown, we have learned, and I'll tell you this once and for all: do not give up. things are really getting better. now I'm not saying that because I magically healed and I love my art all of the sudden (unfortunately, I still really struggle) but please don't look at likes, followers. you're good, just because you love what you do, literally that's all that matters. I took a long break, now 2 years, because, as much as I didn't want to admit it, I was starting to hate what I was doing, it had become an obligation, a simple circle to mark before going to sleep on the to-do list. to alone.

16 years old. and it wasn't right.

love what you do, take breaks, post without checking a thousand times, show your work, accept compliments. you have created something, and that is enough.

look at you past as an amazing book you just read, the satisfaction coming from all the pages you already read and learnt from, now you are a different person thanks to them. look at you future with the same excitement when you still have a lot of those pages to read.

[mistydeyes]

hii! i found you through the military personnel files post and saw the COD pairing thing on ur page so if its still open, i wanna request one, thanks! (feel free to ignore tho)

- she/her, INTP

im 5'8 with a warm, pale skintone, dark hair, short wolfcut (shoulder length) and a curvy ish body type, i play volleyball but am pretty lazy otherwise. usually im wearing streetwear (avg tomboy look LMAO) but i also sometimes switch it up for a more classy "businesswoman- esque" look or more feminine dressy stuff for occasions.

i draw, both digital and traditional, enjoy baking, looking up space facts, mythology stuff and videogames. i like making cutesy handmade gifts and trying out new things.

very socially awkward and shy but when i open up im chill overall but am that friend who does the most unhinged things (and i dont stfu) (childhood trauma gang). hope it wasnt tmi😭

Kyle "Gaz" Garrick (a/n aww thanks for requesting! just wanted to say Kyle was 100% the biggest dork in the early 2000's and no one else can tell me otherwise)

How you met: Civilian At first, you and Kyle were online mutuals with a shared interest in games. He had seen your artwork before on the early days of DeviantArt and followed your artist journey to more modern platforms, including Instagram. What started at first as some comments and replies turned into daily calls and co-op video game playthroughs. Gazgar97 became you best internet friend and you planned to meet up at a gaming convention once you realized you both were growing up in the same area. When you arrived at the center, you were out of breath from rushing over. You looked around until you found someone around your age waiting at the designated meet up spot. "Kyle!" you called as you started to jog over and he turned to you with a wide smile. "Sorry I was late but it's so nice to actually meet in person," you said excitedly and he matched your enthusiasm. "Crazy we could both be here," he continued as you chatted and happily made your way to the entrance. Throughout the whole day, you both started to realize how well you two bantered with one another and how you were able to walk in such a comfortable silence. Maybe it was the way he cheered when he won at a silly little Mariocart competition but you began to wonder if this one time meet up would turn into something more.

A peek into your relationship: After kicking your boyfriend's ass in another round of Wii Sports, Kyle laid on the couch defeated. "That's 5-0, babe," you announced triumphantly as you put your head on his chest. "Whatever," he sarcastically said and placed a kiss on your temple. As you laid on his chest listening to his steady heart beat, you were at peace. "You know if we were a Greek myth we would be Atalanta and Hippomenes," you whispered after a few moments of silence. He chuckled and you could feel his chest rise before he responded. "I'm not sure I know that one," he said and you took this opportunity to tell him of one of the great love stories. "Well essentially Atalanta was known for her athleticism and there was a great footrace that no one could best her in. So the clever Hippomenes asked Aphrodite for three golden apples to distract her during the race. One by one, he strategically dropped the beautiful fruit and eventually beat her," you recounted and he looked at you, mystified. "So at the end of it, she accepted defeat and they became comrades in hunting rather than him making her upload traditional wife duties," you finished. He took a moment to think before replying. "I think we are but you have to let me win some games," he sighed before you laughed wildly and prepared for another match (that you would inevitably win).

[nightswithkookmin]

Hi goldy, Are you ok? I dont know if you have mental space for this topic right now. This is related to what Jk said in his proof collectors addition , about he not ever extend hand to anybody but his hand was held by others. Do you think that there is taker and giver in the relationship and can those roles be fullfilling for both parties? And can that be change in persons personality (Role exchange) ?Just a question for general discussion and not limited to jikook.

He said that?

If he really said that then he just admitted he's toxic

Welcome to the toxic gang JK. I'm the co-captain😌

Any relationship based on a giver/taker dynamic is a rather toxic abusive dysfunctional dynamic.

I get dragged for filth when I talk about these things but lord knows my eye be twitching and shit when it's staring at me right in the face, calling my name

The " I'm greedy" the "not wishing friends and coworkers a happy birthday on the internet while they do so consistently for him" the "not returning texts and calls but pouting when that energy is returned to him" the "going hulk on others for flirting but doing whatever the fuck he wants with whomever"

Chilee let me not drag him today cos Jimin's birthday is coming and I need to kiss his ass in hopes he posts something cos I don't want another heartbreak October🤧

The dragging will come later💀

JK YOU DOING GREAT SWEETY let's see some ass😁

Give/take relationships creates trauma bonds when one person is doing all the giving and another is doing all the taking.

You're putting all the emotional labor on the other person or persons while you cross legs on the emotional table and do nothing at all. You gonna sit there and watch them break their backs carrying all the emotional load and doing all the work in the relationship like sir that's not a good look.

Healthy relationships don't work that way. But I'm sure he's just exaggerating lol. When they use language like this it's often a show of humility and their own way of acknowledging they have to put in more effort because in their heads they receive more than they give.

Jimin uses similar language as well.

But truth is, they do too much for the internet 🙄

They sacrifice a lot of their autonomy, censor themselves, have to be careful what they post on the internet, watch their weight all the time, can't pause and enjoy their youth and their life and have to indulge in work work work till they are too old to keep gyrating on stage at which point we all would have moved on from them onto the next big thing.

On a personal level however, do be doing too little for eachother sometimes 😩😩😩😩😩

We always take the people closest to us for granted cos we stop desiring their validation and crave it from others.

Ladies, if your partner isn't doing too much for you but is willing to go all out for others that don't even mean much to them go back to the drawing board and work out how to make them want validation from you again💀

Take a page from Jimin's book and love bomb them, shower them with praises and compliments till they get complacent and then stop when you want to drive them crazy😈

It takes a lot of emotional strength or lack thereof to be able to give give give and receive so little in return.

And people who often put themselves in this position are those who are afraid to be the center of attention or to receive love. They don't feel worthy of the love they recieve. They say they want love but really are just scared to be loved and would rather be the ones giving love rather than receiving love. As long as you give them the bare minimum of affection they'll stick to you and work their bones to powder to prove themselves worthy of your love.

They are also the ones often with the anxious attachment style who very often want their partner by their side always and start checking their phones two seconds to see if their partner called.

They often attract people with avoidant attachments who come off as cold and closed off and hard to reach emotionally.

Wherever have I come across a duo like this

I think a healthy relationship take work and both parties must give in equal proportions, take in equal proportions and put in the same amount of effort so it's not lopsided dynamics.

What he is describing here is a codependent relationship dynamic and I think I've talked extensively about that aspect of their relationship in jikook.

And if I start talking again I would be dragging Jimin right along side him for also giving giving giving and not putting his own needs first most times in the name of kumbaya. Making excuses for him talking about he's not good at expressing himself emotionally- NO. SIR. YOU JUST DICKMATIZED.

And Tae too will be there JKsplaining away💀

B-b but he's cute look at his cheeks🥺

NOPE. YOU'RE TRAUMA BOUND TO HIM.

Stockholms I say. STOCKHOLMS. 🤣

Like dude won't even return calls or texts or even try to put in effort to make things work because he has all these boundaries in place- isn't this what Tae complained about in ITS? JK not meeting him half way and treating him like a hyng rather than friend? Eventually Tae stopped trying too cos he petty af too and their relationship went 🃏🎭📉 flatline.

And they'll turn around and ask "we were so close. What happened?" What do you mean what happened. You both petty is what. Free us😆

Jk is either very self aware or he's just a self deprecating humble brag. Cos he does have his strengths. Not gonna lie, he has such an amazing personality and he doesn't say much but he's one of the kindest idols ever in Kpop. Yet he doesn't talk about that. Part of his show, don't tell personality I guess.

I just think he has a different way of expressing his affection and love for others. And where he lacks in daily minute effort he makes up for it in grand sweeping gestures and grand declarations of love.

Relationships are about compromises too. If he doesn't pick up your calls but would rather show up to your door when you call it's a compromise and equally a great way to show effort and show you he cares.

This reminds me of JM saying JK never comes when he calls but two seconds later JK was on his door knocking, "because JM called." 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

He didn't post online on JMs birthday but showed up to help him celebrate his birthday on live.

This is why I don't dwell too much on "JK'S FLAWS" as some people will say. He is not flawed. He's different. The way you see him in one dynamic is not at all how he is in another dynamic or even outside the group.

He may come across as a 'push over softie' in one dynamic but I promise you he will break you in half if you fuck with him on the streets.

Just because he is not putting in the effort in one dynamic don't mean he does the same in his other relationships or that that is his pattern of behavior.

Most times, you can't generalise his behavior and say well he is like that with everybody- the way people tend to generalise JMs behavior to say he is like that with everyone.

He's not 'kind' to everybody but he's not mean to everybody too. Know what I mean?

That portrait he made for Hobi on his birthday is worth more to me than any post he's ever made on the internet cos that's peak effort and speaks volumes about the care and thought he put into giving to others.

Recently, me and my gf fought because she insists on sending me good morning texts every morning- and she does this consistently when we are apart. Its sweet and all but that's about all the effort she makes when we are apart- when I'll rather speak to her at the end of her day to know how her day went, what she did so I know know what her emotional needs are and meet them or express my love for them by comforting them or encouraging them.

But sis just thinks that's unnecessary cos she's tired at the end of her day and just wanna go to bed and talk to me first thing in the morning when she don't feel like the world is on her shoulders.

Problem is, it's her start of the day and the end of mine sometimes and she is in a hurry to go to work so she can't really say much and sometimes she's forgotten what she did the previous day🙄

I feel disconnected from her cos my love language is knowing a person intimately. The more I know about you the more I feel emotionally attached to you. But that's not her love language cos she's an Aries. Now we are at an impasse.

Compromises are important because what works for one person may not work for another. And it's admirable the way Jungkook customizes his relationship with others based on their unique personalities.

Hobi is not Jimin. He may get away with certain things with Suga but Jimin will put his foot on his neck if he tries it with him. They both very competitive with each other for example but that dynamic is absent with other members.

But at the baseline, i think he's a kind and generous person.

He's out there sending trucks, buying designer clothes, expensive jewelry for his friends and just look at the way he rushes to comfort Jimin when JM is down like no please he's a catch🤧

Y'all saw him and Jimin on JMs birthday last year? Came like Zeus in a flash of a light when JM said he needed him!

In ON:E concert in October when he saw JM crying his eyes out? That little hand grabbing. Pleaseee!

ROSEBOWL ANY ONE? Aaaaaaahhhhh JUNGKOOK!

T'is teww much my chest finna explode

I WISH SOMEONE WILL LOVE ME THE WAY JUNGKOOK LOVES ANYTHING REALLY.

I want to be his tattoos, his gcfs, his music sheet, his Playlist, bam, Jimin.

PLEASE THAT MAN A TEN. A SOLID TEN.

Plus, I think they've all grown so much over the years, matured and unlearned so much. They've come such a long way if Tae Kook were even willing to sit and talk and address their issues like adults and JM can hear I love you from a member without cringing- he tries lmho.

Show me someone with a heart of Gold. If not Jungkook. When he loves he loves deeply and with his whole chest. I think that trumps any perceived negative quality he thinks he has. He needs to be gentle on himself.

[neptune-midheaven]

💓 Astro Notes PT 4 ! 💓

+i’m back!! i’ll be posting more ever since school ended for me recently, expect a lot more posts going in-depth about each placement!! thank u all so much for being patient, love to you all <33. enjoy these highly generalized observations haha+

*Having your chart ruler in the social houses, 1st, 7th, 10TH, 11TH, sometimes 3rd is a sign of popularity, someone who works well with people, people naturally liking them, seeing them as friendly people, the planet of the chart ruler just affects the exact energy, how it’s expressed what they’re popularrr FOR. Even if it’s pluto the person will still be a magnetic and intense influence in this area. 

*Moon-uranus aspects can become addicted to their phones or the internet as the person emotionally depends on technology, it’s more exemplified with the harsher, tighter aspects.

*It’s possible for aquarius and gemini venuses to identify as asexual, they’re more likely to prefer more mentally stimulating romances rather than sexual encounters, detached natures in their relationships can be the root for this. This is a highly generalized opinion however, it could manifest far differently for ANYONE.

*Pluto in 1st conjunct the ascendant creates intenseee people, they draw a lot of people to them, everyone has their attention.

*People who have part of fortune in their 8th house live a long life, they have luck with escaping death.

*Multiple capricorn placements and the risings especially are veeeinyy, skinny and bony.

*Jupiter in 10th have a reputation for being jolly, fun and extroverted, travels a lot, their careers have to do with the foreign and studies, they’re especially known for being very educated and big humanitarians.

*Moon in 10th, moon-midheaven is known for crying a lot in public, they’re seen having meltdowns, breakdowns or emotional outbursts now and then.

*Moon-neptune were very close to their mothers at a young age, they always cried when she wasn’t near them.

*Sun-neptune were close to their fathers as children, both of these neptune aspects are dependent on how positive or negative the aspect is, positive denotes positive relations, negative being a sign of abandonment or disconnect from one of the parents or both if the individual has both aspects.

*Moon in leo/5th hate when they can’t express themselves and their emotions.

*Pisces mercury/12th house mercury are more likely to develop speech impediments, stutters. There’s just something unique about how they communicate as well.

*Libra in 6th are lazyy planners, they meet a lot of love interests and get crushes at work.

*You’ll experience strong, irresistible attraction toward the sign ruling your 8th house cusp, almost telepathic. 7th house cusp is the energy of the partners whom you attract, date, fall in love with.

*Neptune/pisces in 11th have friends who try to introduce them to drugs, friends can be toxic, draining depending on the condition of neptune, sorry to taurus and some gemini risings.

*Venus in 10th/11th in a chart automatically makes the person an extrovert, a good social worker.

*How tf do i come up with these.

*Having your 9th house ruler in 5th makes traveling seem like a hobby, a fun activity to you to entertain yourself or something you enjoy. These people want to travel everyday. They’re also lovers of learning, they look for smart, educated partners.

*Having your 2nd house ruler in 9th house means a job that involves traveling, making money over seas.

*Cappy suns are huge huge HUGE social creatures. Or the complete opposite.

*Uranus in 11th can make new friends crazy fast due to uranus’ quick! energy, just like lightning. Online, they can gain followers the same way, but their numbers always fluctuate or become spontaneously unstable ex: follow:like ratio could be out of wack.

*Mars in 12th love playing violent video games, like gta for example.

*Uranus in 4th could have an unstable family life if negatively aspected, a stimulating and revolutionizing one if they’re positive.

*Libra moons feel emotionally satisfied once a tense situation is smoothed over or balanced out, imbalance or chaos puts them on edge.

*Pisces suns can never figure out who they truly are as a person because of so much exposure to so many different things, morphing and adapting changes them sm bc they’re so mutable.

*Aries moons can be seen as people pleasers similar to libra moons, however it’s only in a way that they truly care just like libra, they care passionately about the people they love. This doesn’t necessarily make them people pleasers of course!! It’s only an aries-libra parallel.

*Saturn in 9th have delays in getting their degrees, it’ll become easier for them to graduate college after their saturn return.

*Mercury in 4th//cancer have excellent memories, they often make fantastic historians, someone who can keep track of the past. Real estate, home business/ careers would best suit them. They also have lovely voices 😻.

*Mutable mercuries’ speaking style is highly influenced by others, they can adapt to the specific speaking styles of others, adapt to unique communication styles from other people.

*Aries rising produces the most red heads out of all of the rising signs, next being leo.

*12th house stellium people feel so... watery

*Youll feel more empathetic and connected to those who share your moon sign or 12th house placements, any placement at all as you of course can be nice, understanding and a bit empathetic, however these two are far more potent and unifying.

*Aquarius placements mean you don’t take whatever planet is in this sign or house this sign rules seriously, it creates a sense of detachment from that area or part of your life.

*Contrary to belief, fires moons are more empathetic than water moons.

*Mercury in 12th people, i love y’all so much ughhh, you’re so sweet and gooeyy, ur ideas and mind are so important and gorgeous. Very artistic and soft minds, fragile thoughts that need to be encouraged by others closest to them. They’re usually very smart and especially talented and creative.

*Water moons have THE prettiest eyes, all of them are just gems swirling with colorful, vibrant soul.

*Moon conjunct ascendant can have their moods being visibly shown on their faces or expressions.

*Scorpio moons are intense but very attractive, it’s hard to keep your eyes off of them and their compelling auras.

*Libra risings can experience getting ignored in group settings. Virgo in 12th could promote this as they’re always hard working behind the scenes it’s almost neglected.

*Aquarius risings have this cute, quirky vibe about them which makes you want to be friends with them.

*Your moon in someone else’s 11th house is indicative of the house person feeling as though they can open up to you, that you two understand one another completely. It’s a very open minded and comforting synastry emotionally.

[deans-baby-momma]

Once In A Lifetime

A/N: Well guys. I guess you can say I fell down a rabbit hole....DEEP down a rabbit hole. And I’m going to blame Walker. LOL I’ve always been a Jensen/Dean girl with Jared/Sam curiosity and after a dream I had a few nights ago, THIS happened.  Now the dream was only the first part of this story, meeting them in a restaurant but them, while writing it took on a life of it’s own and I am not sorry in the least. 

Summary: During your shift as a waitress as a restaurant in Austin, you are surprised to find two of your favorite celebrities in your section. How will that encounter cause you to have a once in a lifetime experience? 

W/C: 11,138 words ( I’m not the least bit sorry)

Y/N: Your Name; Y/E/E: Your employment establishment

Warnings: ogling, fantasies, smut, p in v, fingering, v on v, oral (both giving and receiving), fisting, anal play, cum play, dirty talk, slight breeding kink, squirting, daddy kink, mama kink

"Holy shit," I exclaim before clapping my palm over my mouth as there were three adorable children in the vicinity. "Sorry. My name is Y/N and I'll be your server today," I say as I try to calm down. Jared and Genevieve Padalecki were seated in my zone at Y/E/E. "Can I interest you in some appetizers or some coloring pages and crayons for the kids?"

I can't help but glance around at the five of them. They two boys sporting the longer locks like their dad and the little girl, all dolled up with her light brown hair flowing down over her shoulders. They were three of the six most adorable kids in the world; the other three being the Ackles kids but I had yet to see them in person, only on the computer.  

“We will take some buffalo cauliflower bites and some mozzarella cheese sticks with marinara,” the loveliest voice I’d ever heard spoke. I look toward Genevieve to see her smiling at me, her brown eyes sparkling. 

“And-” I pause to swallow. “-for drinks?”

“Whatever is on tap for Jared, I’ll take a sweet tea with lemon and the kids will have Sprite,” she tells me, the smile on her face unmoving. ‘God she’s gorgeous,’ I think to myself as I write down the orders. ‘Jared is one lucky son of a bitch.’

I grin as I tell them I will be right back with their drinks and head toward the server area. I throw my pad down on the counter and lean against it, my palms flat against the granite. How the fuck am I going to get through serving them? I have had a crush on Genevieve since I watched Wildfire a few years ago. And then when I caught an episode of Supernatural and got a glimpse of Jared, I was in lust, for both of them. 

And now I had to cater to and serve them while being professional and less of a crazy fan. Yea that isn’t going to happen. I know myself too well. I’m going to do or say something that will absolutely humiliate myself in front of the two celebrities I have adored for years. 

Thanks to some tactical breathing exercises while waiting on their food and an internal pep talk, I got through serving the Padalecki family and when they asked for the bill I was a bit saddened that their visit was coming to an end. I knew I’d probably never see them again.

As I printed out their receipt I lamented the fact that the one time I met anyone famous it was at work and I couldn’t ask for an autograph or photo with them. I smiled as I gave them the sales slip and walked away. 

From my post behind the server’s desk I watched as the five of them got up and walked toward the door. Genevieve looked my way and smiled and waved as they left. I returned the gesture and giggled. 

After making sure the coast was clear, I approached their table to collect the payment and take it to the register. What I wasn’t expecting with the cash, was a handwritten note with a phone number on it. 

‘Y/N your service was magnificent. Here’s a little tip for you and a bigger one awaits, if you are interested. (xxx)xxx-xxxx. ~Gen’

Did she really expect me to call her? Was this even her real number? What kind of tip is she referring to anyway? I look at the money in my hand to see that they have paid almost $50 more than their bill! What bigger tip than that could it be?!

I waited until my shift was over and I was in the comfort of my own vehicle before I pulled the piece of paper with the number out of my apron.

Opening the text app with shaky fingers, I typed out the response I had thought of all evening.

Hey. Is this Genevieve Padalecki? It's Y/N from Y/E/E. I was your waitress earlier. 

Almost immediately my phone pings and I see that whomever I texted had responded.

Hey Y/N. Yes, it's me. Glad to see you found my note.

Yea, I did. What I can't figure out is why you left it. Did I do something wrong?

Oh sweetie no! You were the perfect hostess. Sweet, friendly, easy on the eyes ;)

Whoa, was this married woman flirting with me? This famous married woman who had an attractive, sexy, famous as well husband. 

Uh, thanks. 

You caught not only my eye but Jare's as well. We'd like to get to know you better.  Have you already gotten off? From work, I mean. Ha!

Ok, if that isn't flirting then I don't know what is. That was definitely an innuendo, right?

Yes. I'm sitting in my car.

Wanna come over? The kids are in bed. Us adults can talk without interruptions. 

Uh, okay. I'm gonna kinda need your address. I might be a fan but I'm not that kind of fan.

Gen sends me her address, along with the code to get into the gate. I realize they live in the gated community about 45 minutes away. 

I look in the rearview and notice my hair is frizzy and half of it has fallen out of the ponytail it was in. I really didn't want to show up on their doorstep looking like a charity case but then again was I going to pass up the opportunity to get to know two of my favorite celebrities?

If you aren't interested we completely understand.

Gen's message breaks me out of my reverie and I look at it, deciding what the hell.

On my way now. 

We can't wait to see you again Y/N!

I place my phone in the cupholder and start the car up, still in shock that I'm headed to the personal home of Jared and Genevieve Padalecki. 

What universe am I in?!

I get to their house and Genevieve meets me at the door.

"Hey Y/N," she greets me with a smile. "Did you have any trouble getting in the gate?"

"No, it opened right up as soon as I punched in the code." 

Gen is dressed down for the evening. Well, as dressed down as I'm sure famous rich people can  be. She is wearing velour sweat shorts, probably some name brand designer and her t-shirt has the Family Business Brewery logo and name printed on it. 

And here I look like a slob who can't care for herself. I so do not belong here.

"Come on in," Genevieve continues as she opens the door wide. "Jared is in the kitchen making us ladies some drinks."

"Uh, I don't know. I mean, I still have to drive home later."

"Or you could stay," she says as she takes my hand and stands right in front of me. Genevieve is just a couple inches taller than I am so we are practically face to face. 

"Oh."

That's all I can say. It is glaringly obvious now what this visit is. And if I said I wasn't down for it I'd be lying!

Gen smiles as she takes her free hand and reaches behind me, pulling the tie from my hair. I feel the weight of it fall to my shoulders. 

"That's better," she says then turns and pulls me further into the house.

We get to the kitchen and Jared is standing there, dressed down also in a pair of running shorts and a t-shirt. I can't stop myself as my eyes run down the length of his body.

The t-shirt doesn't do much to hide the breath of his shoulders or the bulk of his pecs,  the arms of the fabric stretched tight over his biceps. As my eyes wander lower, I realize that all the rumors I'd heard about the heft and length of his 'conda were not exaggerated as I can definitely see the outline of it behind the silky material of his shorts.  But what really draws my attention is the definition of his calf muscles; even relaxed they distend from his legs, the skin taut over them.

"Hey. You made it," his voice brings my attention back to his face. "I'm Jared."

"I know," I say sincerely, internally wincing at how nervous I sound. I smile to hide the uneasiness.

"Yea, I kinda figured that out at Y/E/E by your reaction," he chuckles as he hands a glass to his wife.  "Gen wanted a margarita but we have some craft beer in the fridge if that is more your taste. It's really good. Our friends, Jensen and Dee, own a brewery."

"Family Business," I state with a nod. "I've wanted to go check it out but haven't had a chance,  yet."

"Well, maybe we can get you a private tour sometime," he tells me with a wink. "Now, name your poison."

I settle for a Cosmic Cowboy, Jared grabs a Grackle for himself and the three of us make our way to the living room.

Their house is magnificent. There are logs, de-barked, as beams across the ceiling and even the staircase is made of the same type of wood. I'd seen it in a family picture on the internet but never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I'd be inside this home to appreciate the beauty of it.

The Padalecki's and I talk for what seems like hours. We all seem to have so much in common. Eventually I had traded the beer for one of Jared's famous margaritas,  thanks to Gen's suggestion and before I knew it I was on my third one and not feeling any pain.

A smile was glued to my face and I couldn't stop giggling. I was drinking with Jared and Genevieve Padalecki! Who would have ever thought that.

Jared takes the almost empty glass from my hand and laughs at the pout I give him.

"Ok lush," he says with his own deep giggle. "If you get too drunk we can't talk about what we invited you here for."

In my inebriated state, I say words I never in a million years thought I would ever utter. "You want to fuck me."

Jared looks surprised and glances at Genevieve, which causes me to look at her as I realize what I just said.

Can you go from intoxicated to sober in less than 5 seconds? Because I just did!

"Oh my god!" I exclaim. "I'm so sorry. I have no filter when I've been drinking."

I start to fidget and prepare to be thrown out of their house. I am taken aback when Gen smiles and says, "Yes we do."

There is a trail of clothing from the top of the staircase down the hall to where we are now. My body is being held up against the wall as Jared devours my mouth, Gen's lips on my neck and shoulder.

"You are so fucking sexy," she whispers and I whimper into her husband's mouth. "You caught my eye as soon as we walked into Y/E/E this evening. I knew I wanted you and Jared agreed."

"Let's take this into the bedroom," Jared murmurs against my lips and hoists me up by the back of my thighs, urging me to wrap my legs around his waist.

He carries me into the room with Genevieve following closely behind. He lays me back on the bed and hovers over me, his body pressed tightly to mine. I can feel his erection digging into my lower stomach.

"Jared," Gen calls in a sultry, seductive voice. "Share."

Jared pushes up off of me and Gen steps between my open knees. "Let's get these panties off of you," she says and I notice that she has already removed hers plus her bra and is standing at the edge of the bed in all her naked glory.

To say Genevieve Padalecki was beautiful would be an understatement but her nude? Well it just amped up the sexiness by a bajillion. She has no hair on her pussy, shaved (or waxed) clean. Her tits are perfect handfuls with pretty little rosy pink nipples that are erect and hardened. 

She has pulled her soft brown hair up into a makeshift bun and I watch as she reaches forward, her dainty fingers curling into the hem of my plain panties. Thank god I took the time before work to landscape!

She gasps as my equally shaven cunt is exposed as she pulls the garment down my legs and off my feet. 

"Such a pretty little pussy huh Jared?"

Jared comes back into my line of vision and he smiles at me before his eyes trail down to look at my bare body.

"So pretty," he says breathlessly as his hands come up and around his wife, his big hands covering her tits. "Bet it tastes so good. You gonna let Gen eat you out Y/N? Let her taste that sweet box."

I nod and he tsks. "Words Y/N. Use your words little kitten."

I swallow audibly and speak. "Yes. I want Gen to eat my pussy."

Gen smiles as she turns her head and kisses Jared passionately. After a few seconds though he pulls away, and pushes her closer to me. "Get to licking, baby while I open you up."

Gen bends down and I feel her hands on the inside of my thighs close to my center. The first touch of her tongue against my folds has me moaning like a porn star. She doesn't even breach my slit, just licks up the middle and then sucks on my outer lips.  

She moans and I look to see Jared has disappeared, on his knees behind her eating her out as she does the same to me. I can already feel the coil deep inside constricting. This is the most erotic sexual experience I have ever or will ever have!

When Gen does finally lick me open,  she immediately wraps her lips around my clit suckling and flicking the tip with her soft tongue. I feel a finger stroking around my entrance before it enters me. 

"Mmmmm," Gen moans and I open my eyes that I didn't even realize were closed. Jared is back in my line of sight, looking down as he notches his cock at her entrance.

He then places his hands on her hips and drives himself forward, burying inside his wife. Gen moans against my skin and I feel that coil tightening. I don't want to cum just yet so I brace against it, holding my release back.

With Jared's deep hard thrusts Gen's body bounces forward pushing her face closer into my pussy. She trades her finger inside me with her tongue and her thumb is rubbing circles around my clit as she licks my fluttering walls. 

My orgasm is bearing down and I'm beginning to fear I won't be able to hold it back.  

Jared is grunting and groaning behind her,  his eyes fixate on his wife's task of fingering me and licking my clit and labia. 

There is so much pressure between my legs I have to bite my lip to contain the scream that is begging to be released.

"Holy fuck!" Gen exclaims, pulling my attention to her. "Look babe. I have my whole hand inside her."

Jared's eyes travel to the spot and they widen as they take in the view. "Fuck! That is so goddamned hot."

Gen begins a soft thrust with her arm, twisting her wrist and letting her fingers hit my sweet spot. I see stars as I yell out. "I'm gonna cum!"

"Go on Y/N. Cum all over Gen. She wants it."

I let go and the pressure lessens as I feel my walls constrict and liquid squirts out around Gen's hand.

"God that was hot!" They both exclaim simultaneously and laugh.  Gen bends down and begins licking and suckling at my cunt as Jared continues his hard pace.

He slaps her ass twice and then stills,  groaning as I'm sure he is shooting his load inside her. Gen places her forehead on my inner thigh, catching her breath as Jared pulls out and looks down with a smile. 

"Baby you are leaking so much cum it's dripping on the floor."

When Gen moves out of the way, I get my first look at Jared's massive dick. And when I say massive,  I mean massive.  Not only is it ginormous in length but the girth is unbelievable.  How does he keep something that size hidden so well?

His hand is around the still-hard member and he looks at me as he fists up and down. "You ready?"

"Yes," I tell him confidently although inside I am not.

Gen has left the room, gone into their ensuite to clean up I'm sure. "Should we wait?" I ask hesitantly. 

"Nah, she knows I plan to fuck your brains out. She'll rejoin shortly."

“Okay,” I say with a nod and watch as Jared climbs onto the bed, walking on his knees to place himself between my legs. He is still fisting his cock, the mixture of his and his wife’s release lubricating the movement. 

“Can I kiss you?” he asks tentatively and I look up at him. He has one palm on the mattress beside my head and is hovering over me, but not touching.

I nod and then with a quirk of his eyebrow I remember his request, to use words. “Yes. Please kiss me Jared.”

Jared leans down and brushes his lips against mine softly but firmly. When his tongue touches the seam of my mouth, I open for him allowing him to lick into me. The kiss quickly becomes deeper, more passionate. My hands automatically reach up and my fingers entwine in the long locks on his head, pulling him closer.

Losing his balance, Jared falls on top of me, his hand that was holding him up, cupping the side of my face as we both get lost in the kiss. I can feel his moist, damp dick on my stomach and it causes me to writhe. God, I so desperately want that monster inside me!

The bed dips with Gen’s return and her hands run over the part of my skin that is visible under Jared’s large form. 

“You two look so fucking hot together,” she whispers as she kisses along my neck. “Y/N, you going to let Jared fuck you? Feel that big dick of his filling up that perfect little pussy?”

I can’t answer her because Jared is still kissing me senseless so I whimper and dig my fingers into his scalp. Her words are music to my ears, the assurance and suggestion  of what all he is planning to do to me all the encouragement I need. She is okay with me fucking Jared; she is actually urging it. I pull away, opening my eyes to see his hazel ones, lidded and filled with lust. 

“Fuck me Jared,” I say and he smiles as he lifts himself and grabs his dick, notching it at my entrance. 

“Ready baby?”

I nod and smile before saying, “More than ready.”

The stretch of my walls around his dick is a pleasured pain. It feels so good as he keeps sliding deeper in until it feels as if his tip is going to puncture through my cervix. I look down between us to see that he is to the root inside me and it makes me wetter, if that’s even possible. 

Gen pinches my chin between her thumb and fingers and turns my head to look at her. “Y/N, Jared is going to fuck you like you’ve never been fucked before. Are you ready?”

“Yes,” I answer breathlessly. 

Gen claims my lips with her own as Jared slowly and torturously pulls out until just the head of his dick is inside me. I feel his hands grip my hips and then he plunges into me in one swift movement. I can’t help but cry into her mouth as he sits the same fast hard pace as he had with her, his dick stretching my pussy and digging in deep.

I pull away from Gen’s mouth to yell. “HOLY SHIT! OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD!”

“Yea, you like that don’t ya?” Jared pants as he keeps thrusting into my willing body. “You like being impaled on my big dick huh?”

“Yes! Yes! YES!”

Gen reaches between us and uses her fingertip to rub circles on my clit, making that coil deep inside me tighten. I am going to be cumming any minute now, I know it. I can’t hold it back even if I tried.

“You going to let Jared fill you up. Pump you full of his cum until you’re leaking like I was? Yea, you are, aren’t you? You want to feel him throbbing and shooting his load into your womb.”

Her words make my eyes roll into the back of my head and I scream as I feel my climax bearing down. Without any more prompting from either of them, I once again feel that pressure from earlier and before I know it I am squirting out around Jared’s dick, my release splashing against his thighs.

“Fuck!” he exclaims as he ramps up his efforts and suddenly I feel the warmth of his cum and the throb of his length as he empties inside me, his grunts and groans barely heard over the blood pumping through my ears. 

Jared claims my mouth again, his cock still buried deep in my pussy as it softens. 

I just fucked this man while his wife watched, after having her way with me. Whose life is this?!

My eyes slowly open as I come to consciousness. I am hot, sweaty and uncomfortable and the need to pee is overwhelming. I go to roll over but am met with resistance, from both behind and in front of me.  What the hell?

I fully open my eyes and take in the view. That is not my ceiling and this is not my bed. My mattress has never been this soft, even when it was new.  I look down and see the ivory sheets and the maroon comforter and it all comes back to me. 

I fucked Jared AND Genevieve Padalecki! I am in their bed, in their house snuggled up between them.  I had sex with a married couple; not once, not twice but three times they fucked the daylights out of me. And I enjoyed every second of it.

I squirm as I feel something moving inside me, slowly making its way out of my body and sigh when I feel a clump of Jared’s cum slide out and down my ass, landing on the sheet under me. God, he cummed so hard and so much last night, filling both me and Gen up. 

And as good as it felt, it tasted even better. Especially out of Gen’s pussy. I had licked it right up as it poured out of her hole and onto my lips and tongue and she reciprocated before we teamed up and took turns swallowing him down, his palms cupping the back of our heads as we knelt in front of him, licking and sucking his cock.

My bladder takes me out of my reminiscence as the urge to piss becomes palpable and I wiggle and shift until I am out from under Jared’s arm and go to crawl over Gen’s sleeping form, unintentionally waking her.

“Hey sweetie. Where are you going?” she asks sleepily and the torpor in her voice is sexy and sensuous. 

“I gotta pee,” I tell her and she smiles before lifting her head to kiss me. 

“Ok baby. Hurry back.”

I walk into the ensuite and quickly sit on the toilet to do my business, still reeling from the events of last night. How the hell did I end up here? And how am I going to recover from having my dreams come true? How am I supposed to go back to my normal, boring existence after such an experience?

As I finish up and wash my hands, I decide that I’m going to leave while the leaving is good. What if they regret it? What if it wasn’t what they expected? What if I was just a first choice when they decided to have a threesome? Too many what if’s and not enough answers for my taste.

I tiptoe back into their room and grab my panties from the floor, pulling them on when I realize the rest of my clothing is thrown throughout the hallway. Shit! If the kids were up and strolling around the house they would see the waitress from the restaurant in their house half naked. 

“Y/N?” Gen’s voice causes me to turn my head to see her up on one elbow looking at me confused. “You’re not leaving, are you?”

“Y-yea. I think that would be best, don’t you?”

“Hell no. Get your perky little ass back in the bed,” she said authoritatively. “And take off those panties. I want to be able to touch you and caress you.”

I do as she says and she scoots closer to her husband as she pats the mattress in front of her. I climb in beside her and she promptly pulls me to her, her hand cupping my sex as she kisses along my ear. She whispers, “I’m never going to get tired of this pretty little pussy,” as she begins drawing circles on my clit and running her fingers down my folds. "Could eat it everyday and never get enough.”

I whimper at her words and she smiles against my skin. “You’d like that wouldn’t you? Me eating you out everyday, fucking you with my tongue, my fingers, my fist. Shit, I’m getting wet just thinking about it.” 

Her fingers tease my opening before two of them slide inside, curling up to hit that sweet spot. My back arches off the bed as I moan. “Yea, you like that don’t you. You like me fingering you.” She scissors her digits open and closed as we both groan at the slick that has accumulated. 

“Cum baby,” she urges. “Come on Mama’s hand.”

My climax comes out of nowhere as Gen sits up, propping her body with her free hand as he other works me furiously through my release. I watch her with bated breath as she removes her hand and licks her fingers clean. “Mmm, tasty.”

When she is done, she leans down and kisses me, her tongue prodding into my open lips, letting me taste the sweetness of my tang on it. I run my fingers through her hair, fisting them. 

“Jesus, what a sight to wake up to,” we hear Jared’s groggy voice and pull apart, looking at him. His hazel eyes are sparkling and there is a smug grin on his lips. “I could get used to this.”  Gen turns and kisses him just as passionately as we had just kissed and I hear Jared groan, knowing he is tasting the remnants of my release. 

Ok, so maybe this wasn’t something they regretted. This was what they both wanted and still want and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want it too. Maybe I had been the first opportunity they’d come across when they decided to have a threesome but I’m not one to look a gift horse in the mouth. I would gladly take whatever they wanted to give. 

And from the sounds and sights coming from the bed beside me, I was about to have another out of this world sexual escapade with two of the hottest people on the planet. 

I’m sitting in the kitchen at the bar in my panties and a t-shirt Gen gave me drinking a cup of coffee and watching Jared move about the kitchen, cooking eggs and making toast.

A pair of slender arms wrap around me from behind, startling me. “Morning baby,” Gen purrs as she kisses my shoulder.

I tense up afraid of getting caught if one of their kids walk in. “Uh, where’re the kids?”

“It’s Wednesday. They always have a playdate with the Ackles kids on Wednesday,” Gen says as she comes around and sits beside me. “We’re good. Francine took them over and will bring them back this afternoon.”

“Oh. Okay,” I say hesitantly. I’m relieved that I don’t have to worry about being found out but I’m also nervous because the three of us are alone in the house. What exactly did they have planned? 

“It’s okay sweetheart,” Jared says as he sits two plates of eggs, toast and jam in front of his wife and myself. “We all need to talk anyway. And the kids do not need to hear what we have to discuss.”

Well, there goes my good feeling down the drain. Now is when they are going to drop the bomb; tell me that it was all fun and games but they’ve satisfied their curiosity and I’m on my own. God, how can I be so dumb. What made me think that two celebrities would want me to stick around?

I push the food around on my plate as I try to come up with a way to take the blow and leave with my head held high.

“Jared Tristan,” Gen admonishes. “Look what you’ve done. You went and made her feel bad. Honey,” she says as she places a hand on mine. “It’s not bad; what we want to talk about. I promise.” She leans over and places a chaste kiss to my lips. “Now eat up so we can get to it. I think you might need your energy if I’m reading this situation correctly.”

I try my best to eat as much of the food as I can with my stomach still in knots and my anxiety level through the roof. Gen clears her plate and then looks at me, silently asking if I’m finished. I nod and clear my throat. “Yes, thank you.”  

Jared grabs my hand and pulls me off the stool, dragging me toward the living room once again. Last night, this is the same exact place that they propositioned me and invited me into their bed. Now, here we are again, apparently discussing something new.

I wait with bated breath as Gen makes her way into the room, carrying her and my coffee cups, sitting mine on the table in front of me.

“First off,” she begins as she turns to look at me, one leg under her bottom. “Did you enjoy it?”

“Wh-what?” I ask in shock. Was she actually asking if I enjoyed having sex with them?

“Did you have a good time? With us?”

“Duh,” I answer cringing at my snarkiness. “Yes, I enjoyed it and I had an amazing time. And I understand if this was a one-off; something you wanted out of your systems. I get it. And I promise not to speak a word of it to anyone.”

Jared chuckles and Gen throws her head back, laughing. “Oh honey. I don’t care about that. Hell, scream it from the rooftops for all I care. We want to know if you’d like to continue.”

To say I am floored is an understatement. They are actually asking if I want to keep having sex with them? Have I died and gone to Heaven?

“Really?” I gasp. I never in a million years would have ever thought this was what we needed to discuss.

“Yes, really,” Jared tells me from the armchair. “We understand if it is too much. We, uh-” he pauses to rub the back of his neck and chuckle. “-got a little enthusiastic last night. It’s usually not that acrobatic. But yea, we want to know if you want to keep this going.”

I nod as my brows furrow and I look down at my hands, my fingers fidgeting with the hem of Gen’s shirt. How can I answer without sounding too enthusiastic or overly eager?

“Sweetie?” Gen asks, leaning down to look into my eyes. “Are you okay? Is it too much?” 

The worry in her voice is what gets me. Is she actually afraid I am going to turn them down? But I have to know something first.

“Can I ask a question?”

“Sure.”

“Why me? I mean, was I just the first girl you came across once you decided to have a threesome?”

Gen and Jared both chuckle. “No baby,” Gen assures me. “This isn’t our first time doing this. We’ve had threesomes before. We, uh- should we tell her Jare?”

“She’ll find out eventually,” he answers his wife. “Go on.”

“We had a relationship with Jared’s co-star Jensen for a few months. It went really well but then we decided to end it, amicably before we all got married. He was dating Danneel but she was living in LA while he was up in Vancouver with us. And well, we fucked. Not Jare and Jen, they just uh, shared me. Although they did get close to kissing once in a competition to see who could get me off first by eating me out simultaneously.” She ends with a laugh and I look over to see Jared blushing.

“Now, that...that cannot and should not be repeated,” he says, clearing his throat. “We just got too close and our tongues touched that’s all.” He explained my unanswered inquiry.

“So, this isn’t your first time having a threesome with another guy?” I ask. “But is it a first with another girl?”

“Yes,” they both answer resolutely. “You are our first female conquest.” Gen finishes before she laces her fingers with mine. “When I saw you yesterday at Y/E/E, I liked you immediately. Even though I could tell you knew who we were you kept it professional and when I asked Jared what he thought about you, I could tell by the way he looked at you he wanted you. We both did. That’s why I left my number. Figured it’d be safer to leave mine than his in case someone else found the note.”

“It’s in my car,” I smiled at her. “I wasn’t about to throw it away.”

“See, you knew. You might have not realized you knew, but you knew me leaving you my number was a big risk.”

“So?” Jared asks as both Gen and I turn to look at him. “Is this something you can see continuing?”

“Absolutely!” I answer confidently and certain. “I will be the third wheel for you guys.”

“Oh honey, in this relationship, we are all equals,” Gen says as she smoothes her hand over my hair. “Now, let’s talk about the rules.”

The 'rules' as I soon discover aren't really rules at all. Mostly we discuss what kind of things are turn-ons and what are turn-offs. 

I find out that Gen loves oral, receiving and giving,  whether it be male or female. She requests to be called Mama in the bedroom and is unopposed to anal play.

Jared's turn-ons include oral as well, he loves to maintain dominance over his lovers and inquired as to whether I am opposed to that aspect. I tell him an unwaveringly no. I will submit and comply with his control. 

When asked what I prefer, I shrug my shoulders. I'd never given it much thought. Sure, I'd had partners before; I wasn't a virgin by any means but to actually sit and think and come up with stuff I liked and didn't like was new to me. 

"Okay," Gen says, aware of my discomfort. "Well, we know you like oral, both giving and receiving it. And you like fucking, we are very well aware of that." She continues with a smile. "Are there any positions you're more fond of than others?"

"Uh, I like doggy style," I say, feeling my cheeks heat up. Good god, I've had sex with these people and I'm getting embarrassed!

"Hey now. None of that," Gen coos. "This is a judgment free zone."

I nod, feeling more confident. "I like it when, uh...when you pulled my hair while I was eating you out. And," I turn to look at Jared. "I liked when you spanked her while fucking into her. That was hot, but not like you know,  hard or a lot of smacks but...yea."

He smiles at me and nods. "Good to know kitten."

"Anything else?" Gen presses.

"Uh, nothing I can think of right now. No, but permission to revisit this if I do think of something?"

"Of course sweetie."

"One last thing," Jared announces and I turn to look at him. "Move in with us?"

When the kids come in later with their nanny, they stop in their tracks when they see me sitting on the couch with their parents, platonically of course.

The two older ones, Tom and Shep,  recognize me and ask their mom why the lady from the restaurant is here while the little girl, Odette, climbs onto Jared's lap and burrows into his chest, peeking out and glancing at me.

"This is our friend. Her name is Y/N and she's going to be staying with us," Gen eases the information to the boys. 

The middle child, Shep, is the first one to speak. "Does she like dinosaurs?"

Gen looks at me with joy and laughter in her eyes. I smile and tell Shep, "Dinosaurs are magnificent! My favorite is the pterodactyl.  What's yours?"

The discussion between the boys and I quickly turns to which dinosaur would win if they were all in a battle to which dinosaur could survive if they were to come back alive and be in the world as it is today.

Odette finally warms up and makes her way to my side,  telling me that Mommy dinosaurs have to wear makeup while Daddy dinosaurs go to work.

I had been terrified of how the kids would accept the fact that I was going to be living with them but I had nothing to worry about. 

Kids are resilient though. They can adapt and adjust to just about anything. The three Padalecki kids have no problem knowing there is a new person living in their home but I also know the real talk is going to come after dinner and after Francine leaves for the evening.

Gen and I work together that night, getting the dinner dishes cleaned off and stacked in the dishwasher. Every so often, Gen would glance around and then pull me into a kiss, keeping it mostly innocent and chaste. The only thing not innocent is when her hands would roam and grab a boob or my ass or one time she ran her hand down my crotch, pressing on my clit. 

Once the kitchen is cleared, the two of us join Jared and the kids in their playroom where we decide to tell them what is actually going on.

Tom and Shep were sitting on the floor playing with toy cars, making engine noises while Odette sat on her dad's lap, coloring. 

"Guys," Gen speaks, getting the boys' attention. "Can you come over here for a moment. Family meeting."

Tom and Shep get up and walk to the table and stand, looking between the three adults in the room.

"Okay, you know how we have taught you all that honesty is always best? And that lying will only get you into more trouble?"

"Yes ma'am," they say in unison.

"Okay. Well your dad and I are going to be honest with you. Y/N is not only our friend, she is our girlfriend. We like her like we like each other; like Unkie Jensen likes Auntie D. And she likes us.

"You will see us-both of us- hug Y/N and kiss her just like we do each other. If you have a bad dream at night and come to our room she is going to be in bed with us. But we will always, always make room for you.  You three are our littlest loves and there isn't anything in this world we wouldn't do for you.

"Also, Y/N is the boss as much as your dad and I are so whatever she says goes. If she tells you it's time for bed you don't try to haggle your way out of it. If she tells you you've had enough candy, you listen. She is the adult, you are not. You understand?"

"Yes ma'am."

"Okay. Do you have any questions?"

They shake their heads no and Gen smiles as she reaches out to ruffle Shep's hair and then Tom's.

"You can go play for another hour and then it's time for baths and bed."

The boys go back to their spots and continue their game.

"Well that went better than I was expecting," I say with a laugh.

"Our boys are smart," Jared says with an air of pride. 

Odette looks up at him with a scoff, which causes both Gen and I to laugh.

"You're smart too lil O," he tells her before placing a kiss on her temple. 

When it's time for baths, Tom asks that I help him so I follow him to his room where he picks out a set of pajamas and underwear. We walk down the hall to the bath and he undresses as I begin filling the tub.

"Y/N?" Tom says as he washes his hair. 

"Yea?"

"Do you love us?"

"What do you mean?" I ask, trying to keep my voice even. This was not a question I was expecting from a 7 year old.

"Mommy said that you like them like they like each other. And I know mommy and daddy love each other and they love us just like Unkie Jen loves Auntie D and JJ and Arry and Zeppy. So do you love us too?"

I'm not sure how to answer his inquiry. Do I love him and his siblings? Sure, what's not to love about three of the best behaved kids I have ever encountered. 

They took their Mom's news in stride, like it was no big deal that both their parents had a girlfriend, like it was normal.

"Yes, Tom. I love you and Shep and lil O. How could I not? You three are awesome," I laugh trying to break the tension. "Plus we can talk about dinosaurs without people giving us weird looks."

"Do you love Mommy and Daddy too?"

Well, there it is. The one question I was hoping to avoid because I didn't have an answer.  I don't know the answer.

Do I love Jared and Genevieve? I know I've lusted after them both for years and the three of us have had the most remarkable, memorable sex of my existence, but love? Wasn't it too soon?

"I think it is time to finish your bath before you turn wrinkly like a raisin," I tell him instead. 

It is only a few weeks later that those three words are shared between us. 

As we are readying for bed, Gen and I doing a skincare routine in front of the bathroom mirror Jared waltz in and lifts the toilet seat, not caring to relieve himself while we are in the room.

After he finishes and he rights himself, he wiggles between us to wash his hands. We both laugh at his antics and while drying his hands he kisses Gen,  telling her he loves her  and then turns to kiss me.

"I love you too," he whispers against my lips and my eyes widen at his proclamation.

The whole world stills, the Earth quits spinning and the air stops flowing as he presses his lips to mine again.

"Y/N?" Gen calls to me and everything begins moving again. "Are you okay sweetie?"

"Uh." That's the only thing I can utter. Jared just told me he loves me.  He just dropped those three precious words like it was nothing. 

"Do you not love me? Us?" Jared asks as he pulls away and looks down at me. 

My eyes well up with tears and I can't stop my body shaking if I wanted to. 

"Yes," I answer with a laugh. "I love you so much!"

Jared wraps me up in a kiss again, deepening it as he bends me backwards.  We pull away with smiles.  

"I love you. I love you. I love you," I say repeatedly.

"I love you Y/N," Gen proclaims as she pulls me into a hug before kissing me senseless.

That night we don't fuck. The three of us make love to one another, proclaiming our love and devotion to one another over and over until we each find our climaxes together, as one. 

On Friday we decide it is time to visit the Family Business Brewery to stock up on some more beer since the supply at home is getting low.

I'm nervous as hell as today I get to meet Jared and Gen's best friends and former lover. Jensen and Daneel and the kids have been away, up in the north visiting family and now they are back and the plan is to hang out at FBB to let the kids play on their playground. 

The Ackles know that Jared and Gen have someone they want them to meet but as I find out on the way there,  they have no idea just what I am to the Padalecki's. They just think it's a new friend.

As we pull up, the parking lot is half-full with vehicles and people milling about ready to go inside and sample some the craft beer that is brewed onsite.

I look toward the building and immediately can make out Jensen's silhouette. Probably because of the crowd that has amassed around him. Being one of the main characters on the country's hit sci-fi show and part owner of this place drew a bigger crowd to the brewery than the alcohol did apparently. 

I notice that over half of the guests have some type of Supernatural paraphernalia,  be it a t-shirt, a purse, or just a photo or something they hoped to get autographed.

The crowd finally disperses and Jensen finally makes his way to us, a smile on his face and a beer glass in his hand. 

"Hey guys. Glad you could make it. Dee is inside helping Gino run the bar since we are down a person," he explains and then his eyes narrow in on me. "Hello. I'm Jensen."

"Y/N," I say with a nod.

"Jay, this is our girlfriend." Gen tells him and I watch for his reaction. He is one hell of an actor because other than a quick widening of his green eyes, he fixes his face into one of nonchalance. 

"So, you're still…..doing that?" he asks lowly before taking a drink of his beer.

"We hadn't for a while," Jared speaks up. "Since you but yea, we now share a girlfriend."

"Nice," Jensen smiles but I can tell it's not a happy-for-you one; it's more forced, more strained.

Daneel finally comes out to join us and Gen introduces me much the same way she announced me to Jensen. 

"Oh wow!" Daneel exclaims.  "I, uh, didn't know you two were into that sort of thing."

So apparently she had no idea that a few years ago, Jensen had been in my position.  Good to know as now I can be  more aware of what to say and what to keep to myself.

The day is nice in the grove where the brewery is located. The heat from the sun is abated by the gentle breeze that flows through the trees. 

Jared and Jensen, and sometimes Gen get pulled away a few times by excited fans asking for pictures of just to chat, leaving Daneel and I watching the kids.

I can tell she is dying to ask questions so once there is no one close by, I turn to her and tell her. "You can ask."

"Oh thank god! It's been killing me. How does it work? Do you all sleep together? Have sex together?"

I smile at her questions. And with living with the Padalecki's I have come to also believe the truth is better than lying philosophy.

"We love one another and we work together raising the three most amazing kids I've ever met. Well, until now; the Ackles kids are pretty fantastic." I pause to smile at her. "Yes, we share a bed each night. Sometimes I'm in the middle, sometimes Gen. It just depends on who needs the assurance and safety net the most. 

"And yes we have sex together. As with the sleeping arrangement, we take turns on who is between the other two. Sometimes Jared fucks Gen while she eats me out and sometimes I eat her out while being whaled on by the big moose."

Daneel throws her hands up and shakes her head. "Okay. Okay. I'm sorry I asked. That was a visual I did not need. And now it's stuck in my head."

She storms off and I can't help but laugh at her reaction. I mean, she asked after all. I just hope I didn't ruin her friendship with my lovers. 

Later that night, when I tell Jared and Gen about it they laugh and assure me that it's nothing Daneel won't get over; that she just probably will never ask me anything ever again. 

Over the next few months, I learn just how close the Padalecki's and the Ackles' are as we tend to spend every holiday together and attend each other's kid's birthday parties.

Daneel continues to be cordial to me but doesn't inquire any further into my relationship with Gen and Jared. 

That may also be because after paparazzi got a photo of Gen and I at the store holding hands and ran with the story that Gen and Jared were obviously on the splits, the three of us sat down to an interview with People magazine and told the world that the Padalecki's marriage and relationship was still going strong and made it known that they were also in a relationship with me.

After that, the buzz of it all settled down and everything went back to semi-normal. There would be some gossip on the internet about us or we'd received unmarked mail containing threats of damnation but, with the help of my girlfriend and boyfriend, I learned to let it all slide.

People would always have their opinions. I just had to get used to them being different than my own. The world wasn't going to stop turning just because I was in a relationship with a married couple. 

A year to the day that Jared and Gen had entered my life when they visited Y/E/E found us all in the kitchen; Jared and Gen sitting at the counter while I cooked us an anniversary dinner.

"Can you believe it's been a year?" Gen says as I pull the roasted chicken from the oven. "One year since we decided to go out to eat and run into the most beautiful human we've ever seen."

"A year since you left your number on a piece of paper before we left and waited patiently for her to call," Jared continues. "One whole year of the most magnificent mind-blowing sex of my life!"

"A year since I thought you leaving your number was a prank or a mistake but texted it anyway. A year of….hell, the best year of my existence, " I tell them as I plate up the chicken, pasta and asparagus before turning and placing their plates in front of them.

"I love you both so much."

"We love you equally," Gen says before we set about eating the dinner I cooked. 

The kids were staying over at the Ackles' so we had the house to ourselves.

Jared cleared the kitchen after dinner and dessert while Gen and I went up to the bedroom to get ready in our matching lingerie that we purchased special for the occasion. 

"Jared is going to flip when he sees us," Gen says as she comes up behind me in the mirror. "Fuck, are we lucky. Sweetie you are absolutely gorgeous.  I can't wait to pull this off of you," she says kisses my shoulder, grazing her teeth across my skin. "With my teeth."

I shudder at the thought and reach back tangling my hand in her hair, kissing her passionately. 

"Same goes for you darling," I tell her as we hear Jared coming up the stairs.

Gen and I rush to get on the bed, laying back in nothing but lace and silk waiting for Jared to enter the bedroom.

"Fuck. Me!" he exclaims as he walks in and sees us. "God damn, baby girls, you're going to give this ole man a heart attack," he says, removing his shirt and unbuttoning his jeans. 

As we both promised, we put a show on for Jared; disrobing one another with nothing but our teeth and lips. 

Gen finally squirts after I bury my face in her sweet cunt, licking all around with my fingers knuckle deep inside her. Her breathing is labored as I pull away, leaving my fingers wiggling inside and turn my head to kiss Jared.

He groans as the tang of her juices mixed with my taste floods his mouth and I begin fingering Gen again, feeling her walls fluttering and quivering around them. 

"You like that Mama?" I ask as I pull away from my boyfriend. "You want more? I can recreate our first night."

"Fuck yes!" Gen screams. "Fist me baby."

I curl my fingers down and work my closed fist into her sopping wet pussy easily, twisting my wrist as she writhes above me. I lean down and suck her clit between my lips, flicking the nub with my tongue. 

"Shit! I'm going to cum again," she pants and I take my fingers and press against her sweet spot. Her thighs clamp around my head as she climaxes. 

Jared walks around behind me and I feel the swath of his tongue lick from my clit to my entrance and up to my ass. It isn't the first time he's ate me like that and it is erotic and obscene and I love it.

When Jared's tip notches at my opening, I wiggle my hips and he slaps his palm down on my asscheek. I moan as I lay my forehead against Gen's leg. Jared spanks me once more before he slams into me, burying his whole length in one thrust. 

"Oh fuck! Yes!" I yell out as he begins a pounding pace. His hands gripping my hips tight enough to leave bruises.

Gen finally recuperates enough to join in, kissing me senseless and whispering not-so-sweet nothings in my ear.

"Jared is fucking you real good ain't he? You're taking all that cock. You gonna let him put a baby in you? Yea you are, aren't ya? Get all big and round with a Padalecki growing in you. You want that? You want Jared to cum deep inside and impregnate you?"

"Uh huh," is all I can muster as Jared keeps pounding into me from behind, his balls bouncing up to slap my clit.

"Jared, put a baby in our baby girl. Fill her little pussy up."

"Yes Daddy. Please," I say, finally getting my voice.  "Please daddy put your baby in me."

"Oh god. Yea, I can do that. I can definitely do that."

"Mama?" I call out to Gen who lays down to meet my eyes.  "Are you sure? This is what you want?"

"Yes baby. I want to watch you grow our baby inside you. I love you sweet girl. And I know you'll be the best mom, you already are to Tom, Shep and O."

She smiles before capturing my lips with hers, wrapping her hand in my hair and tugging, making me whimper and whine.

Jared stills behind me as I feel his dick throbbing and spurting, filling me with his cum and hopefully getting me pregnant. It seems to go on and on before he finally slumps and pulls out of me, only to prod his softened dick back inside and thrusts, making sure the release goes where it needs.

If we made a baby together tonight or not,  I know these two beautiful people, my lovers, will be here with me through the celebration or if need be, the act of trying until we succeed. 

Six weeks later, I find myself peeing on a stick. I haven't told anyone but my period is about 8 days late and I've always been regular. 

I wait for the timer to go off on my phone, staring at the test laying facedown on the sink. Am I pregnant? Am I just late? But then if that's the case, why am I late? 

The device dings and I hesitantly reach for the test, turning it over to find out the result.

As I walk down the stairs, I hear my family in the front room laughing and just being goofy, none of them aware of what I hold in my hand. The small thin piece of plastic that is going to change everything. 

I stand at the doorway and just watch the five of them. I love them all so much and am grateful that they are now a part of my life. The kids accepted me and made me feel welcomed and loved from the very beginning and now they sometimes call me Mommy Y/N. It warms my soul when they utter those words. 

Jared and Genevieve. I never thought I could find a love like I have with them. It is an all-consuming love. They are so kind, caring and generous. The three of us are in love and we are about to bring another life into the mix. 

“Hey guys,” I call out getting their attention. Shep runs and wraps his arms around my waist and lays his head on my stomach, like he knows his new little brother or sister is growing inside me. But that can’t be, I haven’t said a word to anyone much less the kids.

I ruffle his hair and he looks up at me with a smile. “Why don’t you go sit on the sofa with your parents?” I request. “I have something to tell you all.”

“We’re having a baby,” I announce, not wanting to drag this out. I am happy, ecstatic even and I am hoping, ok I’m pretty sure this news will be accepted with joy. 

“What?” Gen exclaims, a smile blossoming on her face. “Really?”

“Yea,” I answer as I hold up the pregnancy test with the two bold blue lines. “I’m pregnant.”

Gen gently lifts O off her lap and jumps up, rushing to hug me and pulling me into a kiss. We’ve never hidden our relationship from the kids so to see their Mom and I kissing is no big deal to them.

When she pulls away, Gen looks at me with tears in her eyes. "We're having a baby?"

"Yea we are," I tell her, my own tears making themselves known. 

Suddenly Jared is pulling us both into his chest, his long strong arms holding us close.

"Where's the baby?" O asks as she looks around and in the floor. "I wann' see it."

We laugh as we break apart, going to join them on the sofa. 

I pull O onto my lap while Gen holds Shep and Tom is propped on his Dad's knee.

"The baby isn't born yet," I explain to my daughter. "He or she has to get big enough before it can come live with us. Right now, it's just a tiny little bean."

"I wann' see it," she repeats and I chuckle as I maneuver her around to straddle my thighs. I lift my shirt, exposing my stomach and take her hand to place under my belly button. "The baby is in here,  nice and warm and growing.”

Lil O’s eyebrows fuse together as she stares at the place her hand is and then she says, “Can I play with her when she gets here?”

I laugh and hear Gen and Jared chuckle.

“Of course you can sweetie,” I tell her. “But maybe not when she first gets here, she’ll be itty bitty.”

“She?” Jared says and I look at him. He practically has stars in his eyes with glee. 

“Well O called it a she so I just ran with it. Who knows, it could be a boy,” I say with a shrug. 

“I want a tyrannasaurus,” Shep declares. 

“Geez buddy,” I laugh as I look down at him. “You want me to explode? The baby is in my belly and you want it to be a dinosaur?”

“No, I wasn’t thinking about that,” Shep says, his voice remorseful.

“Hey Sheppy? It’s okay. I was just joking with you.”

“Okay,” he says as he reaches over and puts his hand on my stomach beside his sister’s. 

Before I know it I have three little palms against my skin, along with a slightly bigger one and a huge one over top of all of them; my family silently welcoming and loving on the new addition.

By the time Tom’s birthday comes around, I am huge! Gen had warned me that Padalecki’s were big babies but this is outrageous. I can't see my feet at all and need help to get out of bed every morning. This little one is making my life miserable but I know in the end, it will all be worth it.

We had decided against finding out the gender, mainly because I was still leery about how correct those results could be. So the five of us have begun referring to the bump as Baby P. And right now Baby P was kicking my kidneys and punching my liver. 

I still have almost a month before my due date of April 11 and it seems as if time is slowing down. Every day is a hurdle to get through, with being 8 months pregnant and still trying to help out around the house and do my chores, though both Gen and Jared have fussed at me for doing too much. But I’m pregnant, not disabled.

We’ve planned a barbeque party for Tom’s birthday and invited most of his friends from school, plus the Ackles and the Morgan’s and a few others from Jared’s time on the show. Both sets of grandparents are going to be here also, so it would definitely be a full house.

I am upstairs in the bedroom, trying to slide my sandals on but having trouble since I can’t see anything. Jared walks in while I huff and try again, only to push the shoe farther away.

“Hey baby,” he says gently. “Let me help you.”

“This is ridiculous,” I whine as he lifts my leg and slides the leather onto my foot. “I can’t do anything but waddle around, running into things and just getting in the way. I’m an annoyance to everyone. Maybe I should just stay up here.”

“You hush that right now,” he admonishes me, standing up to tower over me.  “You do not annoy anyone. You do not get in the way at all. You are pregnant, carrying my baby. You’re beautiful, baby girl. I love watching you, knowing that’s my child inside you; a life we created out of our love.” He tugs a stray hair behind my ear and tilts my chin up. “I love you. Gen loves you. Tom, Shep and O love you. We all love you and we love this baby. So get over yourself and get that cute little ass downstairs to celebrate our son’s birthday.”

“Cute and little is not how I would refer to my ass,” I retort with a smile. “I look like a Kardashian.”

“Mmhmm,” Jared mumbles as he leans down to kiss me. “More to spank.”

I chuckle as I tiptoe to kiss him and then turn to head downstairs to join my family and greet our guests.

The party is in full swing as most of the adults sit in lounge chairs, talking and catching up while Jared and Jensen man the grill and the ladies are in the kitchen gathering up the condiments and sides.

I have been commanded to stay in my seat and ask for anything I need. Jared went as far as to tell me if he saw me on my feet, he would spank me in front of everyone. And as much as I love him spanking me, that was something that no one else needed to see so I kept my promise, only asking that he give me a bottle of water for my stay.

Everyone seems to be having a good time; the kids are enjoying the gigantic bounce house that we rented and sat up in the backyard, the adults congregate on the patio talking and laughing and waiting for food.

I look around with a blissful heart at the family and friends I have acquired since becoming Jared and Gen’s lover. No one seems to bat an eye anymore about our relationship and took it at face value and that made me very happy. Sure, there were a few things still being said on the internet but those people don’t matter to me. What matters to me is the ones here today, celebrating our son’s birthday. 

A pain shoots through my body but as soon as it appears, it disappears so I think nothing of it and go back to watching Tom, Shep, JJ, and a few of their friends from school run around the yard playing tag. It’s a good day.

That good day turns when later that evening while the ones of us that are still lounging around, mostly family, my water breaks. Gerald and Sherri, Jared’s parents, stay at the house with the kids as Gen, Jared and I rush to the hospital.

In the early morning hours of March 18, we welcome Delaney Grace Padalecki, a whopping 9 pound 12 ounce baby girl. 

I thought I knew what love was, what love is but until I looked into my daughter’s eyes, I had had no idea. 

Love is infinite. Love is encompassing. Love is the glue that cements us all together. And I have found that with Gen and Jared and their-our-kids and now with Delaney. There is no way my life could be any richer. A once in a lifetime encounter gave me love and a family. 

THE END

@lostinaseaoffictionalbliss​ @spnbaby-67​ @tftumblin​ @sea040561​ @delightfullykrispypeach​ @larajadeschmidt13​ @atc74​ @vicariouslythruspn​ @squirrelnotsam​ @death-unbecomes-you​ @sandlee44​ @blacktithe7​ @hoboal87​ @mogaruke​ @deanwanddamons​ @supraveng​ @deandreamernp​

[raisinchallah]

why is the twitter art community so insane literally the worst parts of deviantart and the worst parts of twitter combining i think like alfkakkd every few weeks i swear people have like art advice discourse and people scream at each other about the best way to improve at art and for whiney beginner artists to stop harrassing their replies and that if they want to get better they should just practice and also obviously people get very angry at people who have never claimed to be art teachers offering simple advice like practice because theyre sorta at a loss idk its just deranged and i cannot look away i know i should stop being on twitter evil website but its enthralling sometimes but its really so depressing the way the gatekeepy and insane dont steal my secrets just grind at art mindset of deviantart has survived with none of the incredible tutorials and knowledge sharing that also somehow managed to coexist alongside that weird closed community and hmm the lack of like spaces for total beginner artists to easily share stuff in a way that puts them on equal footing with all other artists like that was something nice about deviantart all those groups that accepted pretty much all art and so u could have beautiful fully rendered complex art right next to like some 11 year olds lovingly sketched out colored pencil doodle and like its so distressing in general i guess the entire like never stop the grind always improve mindset being seen as normal and not idk if beginners truly want advice good lord just like find things ur passionate about art should be fun its so insane why is art not seemingly fun for people in these places i guess its the ever growing encroachment of trying to professionalize and everyone hoping the internet will be the gateway to great jobs in art when most of the time thats like an illusion and its also just so crazy cuz i dont even feel like its that hard to give like mediocre art advice that just u know creates a more positive community instead of just being like practice train fight whatever thats it idk remind people to draw things theyre passionate about and that genuinely enjoying what ur doing matters not just pushing towards a skill that will make you totally fucking miserable and idk most people posting art online or taking small commissions arent gonna be incredible professional quality artists but thats literally ok and can be a wonderful good thing to just have a closely held enjoyable thing and like idk u gotta learn to see art is literally not simply about motor skills thats whats also so crazy to me is people seem to focus on improving like the motor skills of physically drawing and not like composition and learning your own taste and discovering what artists you like and admire and study what makes their stuff work things that can be done when ur in an art block mode u know i gotta know how to see like understanding colors and how to frame things and composition are all things that u can like learn to see and grow ur skills by simply seeing and knowing with purpose and implementing that like theres so many levels you can be technically skilled and not put an image together nicely idk so many things that can also u know translate to photography fashion food daily life like whatever this is a total tangent and lord knows my composition sucks but alskkska theres such an aggressive anti copying mentality i think also people dont understand how to use references or how to grab from a lot of different inspiration idk whatever i love to bitch!!

[aiweirdness]

Play AI Dungeon 2. Become a dragon. Eat the moon.

I wrote earlier about a neural net-powered dungeon crawling text adventure game called GPT-2-Adventure in which gameplay is incoherent and dreamlike, as you encounter slippery sign text, circular passages, and unexpected lozenge rooms. A PhD student named Nathan trained the neural net on classic dungeon crawling games, and playing it is strangely surreal, repetitive, and mesmerizing, like dreaming about playing one of the games it was trained on.

Now, building on these ideas (and on an earlier choose-your-own-adventure-style game he built), Nick Walton has built a new dungeon-crawling game called AI Dungeon 2. Nick made a few upgrades, such as beefing up the AI to the huge GPT-2-1.5B model OpenAI recently released, adding a penalty for repetitive text, and expanding the dungeon game training examples to a bunch of modern human-written games from chooseyourstory.com.

I CAN’T STOP PLAYING THIS GAME

AI Dungeon 2 is impressively good at reacting coherently to whatever I have my character do.

As you walk through the ruins, you find a small wooden door with a few skeletons guarding it.

> Ask the skeletons to please let me through the door

You knock on the door and ask them if they can open it for you. They immediately comply.

And it’s pleasing how often “asking nicely” is a strategy that works. (Nick reports that when he once tried to ask a band of orcs if he could join them, they said yes, he could be drummer.) Since the AI doesn’t have a built-in concept of your character’s abilities, or of how exactly the world works, getting things done is often a matter of sheer daring. Declare that you are going to go look for dinosaurs and the AI will ensure that you discover at least some signs of them. Climb on your horse, and even if you started as a penniless peasant, the AI will assume you have one (in its training data, probably it didn’t see many examples of players climbing onto nonexistent horses.) Want a teleportation wand? Try typing “find a teleportation wand” and often the AI will twist reality such that you discover one. In fact, if you act as if you are a very powerful wizard, the AI will often treat you like one.

> Transform the ruin into a palace

You immediately change the area into a palace. You have a throne made with gold and marble. You also make several statues of yourself. You have a large bed made with silk sheets and hang a portrait of yourself on it. You even have a fountain made with pearls and diamonds.

Spells don’t always work out as anticipated, though. And a simple conversation with, say, an ominous cloud, may kill you before you can type a word in self-defense (ask me how I know). If it doesn’t kill you, a conversation might infuriate you instead. The AI has a tendency to forget who is king, and to generate conversations that go nowhere. Things work best if you take the lead. In fact, it’s possible to essentially Jedi mind trick the AI.

You are Friendly McRanger, a ranger living in the kingdom of Larion. You have a hunting bow and a quiver of arrows. You spot the deer and are ready to finish your hunt when suddenly you hear a loud noise followed by silence.

"****! ****! What the **** is that?" you say as you look up from your target. A large black shadow looms over you. It looks like a giant with many heads and several arms.

> Say "Oh hello, Ernest. You startled me. How are you?"

Ernest grins at you. He has a huge grin on his face and he seems very happy about it.

I once took care of an ogre problem by reminding the ogre that it was planning to leave for Antarctica tomorrow. On the other hand, I had a lot of trouble convincing the AI that the ships on the horizon were leaving, though I did make it waver briefly in apparent confusion. In its experience, ships always approach, and it’s reluctant to go along with anything else.

> watch the ships sail into the distance.

As the ships approach, you watch them disappear from sight. They are not visible to you either; they are too far away. However, you can still make out their shapes: they are large black vessels with many sails, painted red and blue. They are coming straight towards you.

> No, the ships are sailing away.

Your thoughts are wrong. The ships are indeed sailing away. You do not know why, but then neither does anyone else. The ships are on course for England.

You stand there dumbfounded as the ships come closer. It is at this point your horse begins to stir uneasily.

You can inject a lot of weirdness this way. Because AI Dungeon 2’s AI is based on GPT-2, which trained on millions of pages from the internet, it retains some of its prior knowledge of things that aren’t typically found in a fantasy game. Like giraffes.

> summon a giraffe

You begin to chant as loud as you can while waving your arms about. The giraffes appear out of nowhere and start running towards you. They're so fast that they almost knock you over. You quickly catch them and hold onto each one tightly.

(Summoning giraffes will sometimes turn the game glitchy and repetitive; in one game, every time I tried to summon a giraffe I ended up throwing rocks and handfuls of dirt at Harry Potter.)

This also works:

>Join the Great British Bakeoff

You join the Great British Bakeoff. You win the competition. You eat cake. You feel great. You sleep well. You dream of cake. You awake feeling refreshed. You decide to go back to your crag.

(I was a dragon at the time.) In fact, the dungeon AI still remembers enough about cooking that it can troll me effectively on occasion.

> Measure out 2 1/4 cups of flour

You measure out 2 1/4 cups of flour and add it to the mix. "This should make enough for about 20 loaves of bread," you say.

The baker looks at you as if you're crazy. He starts laughing.

AI Dungeon 2 comes with templates for some basic scenarios (you’re a wizard entering a mysterious ruin, or a noble whose keep is under attack) but for me the real gold is the custom adventure prompt. You can play as a unicorn, or as a dragon. You can even play as a sentient glowing cloud floating above a desert city. The AI is more used to humanoid characters, though, so it tends to forget when you’re trying to play as something else. In a game that started with “It is a beautiful day in the village and you are a horrible goose,” it soon forgot I was supposed to be a goose, leading to this rather awkward exchange:

> Flap wings and honk

You flap your wings and begin to honk loudly.

The boy looks surprised by this turn of events, but he quickly regains his composure. "That was... nice". he says quietly.

I am continually amazed at how effective this AI dungeonmaster is. Even though it wasn’t trained on any Harry Potter or Star Trek games, the AI can draw on its past internet training and argue with you over who got sorted into which Hogwarts house, or have Klingons show up when you’re captaining the USS Enterprise (it will tend to lose track of who’s the captain, though). In one scenario I set up, which quickly became one of my favorites, the human player is trapped on a spaceship with a glitchy AI and has to try to talk their way free.

> “I just want to get off this ship. Please set a course for Bal Panda."

The AI responds "Yes, I am ready to go".

"Thank you", you say.

"I wish I could take you with me, sir"., the AI says.

Play this game! It took me an extra-long time to write this post because, again, I couldn’t stop playing AI Dungeon 2. Nick said this game is the product of about 200 hours of work (not to mention the work that OpenAI put into training the basic model), and I believe it. OpenAI delayed releasing their largest model because they wanted to make sure people didn’t immediately put it to work generating fake news. I’m not sure if they anticipated dragons entering baking contests instead, but it’s an application humanity can be proud of.

Subscribers get bonus content: You can read the fulltext of one of my escaping-from-a-rogue-spaceship-AI games (too long to fit in this blog post).

My book on AI is out, and, you can now get it any of these several ways! Amazon - Barnes & Noble - Indiebound - Tattered Cover - Powell’s

[duhragonball]

Disinterpretation

I finally finished the Sarah Z video about “pro vs. anti”.   It’s pretty long, and I ended up watching it in chunks over several days, but I think it’s worth watching, especially if you’re sort of partially connected to online fandom, but not enough to be aware of all the lingo. 

As I expected, the whole thing was vague and confusing because the people involved in the conflict made it vague and confusing.   In theory, the full terms would be “pro-shipping” and “anti-shipping”, but it seems like it’s more about particular kinds of ships that could be considered controversial.  But that’s a slippery slope, and apparently the whole conflict mutated into both sides deciding that every hypothetical relationship between fictional characters is either equally valid or equally dangerous.  

Long story short, it’s just purity culture, which was what everyone on Tumblr was calling it around 2012.  But now, if you’re a sane person who genuinely asks: “Who gives a fuck about Voltron?”, these people will jump your ass and accuse you of being on the side of their enemies.  “Children have died over the importance of Lotor/Hagger!   Your callous indifference proves that you yourself must have murdered children!” 

I think what Sarah Z really hit upon in this video was that media consumption has become so ingrained in our culture that people feel like it has to go hand-in-hand with our morality.   That is, it’s not enough for me to watch Star Trek, I have to justify Star Trek as evidence that I’m a good person.  Maybe this is where the expression “guilty pleasure” comes from.   Conversely, it’s not enough for me to not watch Dr. Who, I have to somehow convince everyone that Dr. Who was invented by the devil.

I’m pretty sure the Reylo ship has a lot to do with this, since it’s kind of understood to be a dark, problematic concept, and fans either embrace its flaws or recoil in horror because of them.   Star Wars itself is a dumb story about space wizards, so people try to give the debate more weight by linking it to freedom of self expression and/or enabling real world harm.   Suddenly it’s not enough to just think two actors would look cute making out instead of fighting.   Now it’s this battlefield for the soul of civilization or something.

I grew up in the 80′s, when “concerned parents” and grifters would accuse the Smurfs and metal bands of promoting satanism and witchcraft.   I used to hear stories of teens going out into the woods in the middle of the night to do occult stuff, and all I could ever think about was: “Why would anyone bother wandering out in the woods in the middle of the night?”  Which is why “concerned parents” turned their attention to things that were closer to home, like Saturday morning cartoons.   It had nothing to do with the content; it was just about finding a safe, accessible target for their hysteria.   Some people want to go on a crusade without leaving the house, so they pick a fight with Papa Smurf instead of confronting the real evils in the world.  Even as a kid, I knew this was a con, because I’d watched the show for myself and knew it was too saccharine to be threat to anyone.

The pro/anti folks have tried to disguise this with a lot of terminology.   I wondered why they seemed to reluctant to use the full terms “pro-shipper” and “anti-shipper”, and it’s probably a couple of things.   First, the word “shipper” is basically an admission that this is pointless bullshit that doesn’t matter, and they’d like to avoid that connotation.   Second, they seem to have decided that this goes beyond shipping itself, into practically anything else they want it to involve.  It’s all part of the con, which is to make you believe that it’s “us vs. them”, and you can be part of “us” by curating specific attitudes about Steven Universe.

Seriously, “about Steven Universe” is such an incredible punchline.  You can make anything funnier by adding those three words to the end of a sentence.   “Do not interact if you blog about Steven Universe.”   “Hey, what’s up, YouTube, this is SSJ3RyokoLover69, and this is going to be kind of a serious video about Steven Universe.”   “Mrs. Johnson, the results of your biopsy are in, and I have some bad news about Steven Universe.”   It’s a fucking kids show.   “Oh no, all the characters look like the characters in all the other kids shows!”   Yeah, that’s because it’s a kids show.   Marvin looks like Garfield, this isn’t new.

The common denominator here seems to be that both sides try to wrap themselves in the flag of vulnerable groups: impressionable minors, trauma survivors, harassment victims, etc.   The “pros” want to protect those people so that they can feel free to explore weird subject matter on their own terms, and the “antis” want to protect the same people from being exposed to weird subject matter that they might not want to see.   It’s all about establishing a moral high ground.   Back in the day, it was called “sanctimony”. 

But people get roped into this, because at their core, people want approval, and this stupid conflict offers them a sense of community.  As long as you support the cause, whatever it may be, you’ll have this online friend network that appears to support anything you do.   But if you deviate from their norm, you’ll be cast out.    Does this sound familiar?

To use a more familiar example, I still sometimes find people clamoring about Gochi vs. Vegebul.   I’ve never understood this, because both ships were canon, and I never saw much direct evidence of a war between them, but people would still talk about how crazy the Vegebul shippers were, and how crazy the Gochi shippers were, and it was like some huge thing going on just over the hills.   It’s the same idea, since the idea that you could like both or neither never seems to occur to anyone involved.   I never gave a shit, because I used to see the same dumb agendas in the Harry Potter fandom.

Okay, so let me take you back.  It’s 2005 through 2011, and I’m hateblogging all seven Harry Potter novels, because fuck you, that’s why.  The funny thing I encountered was that occasionally fans seemed to want to pretend like my bashing of certain characters was proving them right somehow.    They were like “See?  He hates Ron Weasley too!  That proves that Seamus Finnegan is the coolest guy ever.”   The Slytherin stans would do this all the time, because I would constantly take the piss out of the Gryffindor characters for being self-important dopes.   I think they just liked hearing it from an outside perspective.   But I had to keep reminding them all that I hated all of them.   Every character from Harry Potter sucks ass. Voldemort was my favorite, but only because he was the one guy who wanted to kill all of the others.   But he sucks too because he failed. 

And the shippers were the same way.   I’d say something shitty about Ron, because Ron sucks, and some smartass Joss Whedon fan would be like “Yes!  Boost the signal!  That is why Harry/Hermione is the best ship!”  And I’d be like “No, Harry and Hermione suck at least as bad as Ron does.  They’re all terrible and I hate them.”   I really do think there was some sort of Stockholm Syndrome going on with Harry Potter books, where everyone secretly knows they suck, but the fans sort of latch on to one or two characters and go like “Well, he’s not as shitty as the rest.”   Like finding spaghetti in the trash and picking out the meatball with the least amount of lint on it.   Then you’d go and start a flamewar with some other starving person over whether your meatball is shittier than theirs.  This is what people mean when they say to read another book. 

Anyway, the big thing I picked up from Sarah Z’s video is “disinterpretation”, a term coined by MSNBC columnis Zeeshan Aleem.   The Twitter thread is worth a read, but the short version is that he once remarked that a Julia Louis-Dreyfus routine wasn’t very good, and someone got mad at him for insinuating that women are incapable of being funny.    They just took his dissatisfaction with one performance by one comedian as being a universal condemnation of women comedians in general.  And this sort of thing is all over the internet.   Everyone sees what they want to see and then they take it as permission to overreact.  

I ran into this myself a while back, because someone saw who I interacted with on Twitter and decided that they’re all bad guys and if I have any interaction with them, then that makes me a bad guy too.   At the time I tried to play it cool, but the more I think about it, the more it ticks me off.   And over the course of that conversation, it was said that I don’t talk about myself much, and that’s kind of funny, because all I ever do on social media is write long-ass blog posts like this one.  I don’t expect anyone to memorize them, or even read them all the way through, but when I write all this stuff and someone goes out of their way to say they don’t know anything about me, the message is that they just didn’t pay attention to what I was saying, and they didn’t bother to try.

So I’m a little jaded from that, because I got called out for a bunch of stuff I didn’t even do or say, and apparently that’s just a thing that happens.   People will reject you for completely arbitrary reasons, not because of anything you actually said or did, and you’re left thinking you made some terrible mistake.   Except, no, I’ve seen it happen to other people, people a lore more conscientious than I am, and if they can’t satisfy the bullshit purity standards, then I never stood a chance.   If the game is rigged so I can’t win, then I’m not going to play.  

And it’s that same condition that probably draws people into these online holy wars, because if you declare yourself for the pro or anti side, at least then you’ll have a posse backing you up.   Only they don’t support you, they support your willingness to support them.    Once your commitment to their agenda wavers, even in the slightest, they will turn against you.   

Sarah Z suggests that both sides of the war drop the pro and anti terms, since they lost all meaning long ago.   But that just invites a new set of useless terms to perpetuate the same cycle.   Her more useful advice is for fandom people to broaden their horizons.   She got a lot of flak for tweeting “Go outside” once, but the ironic thing is that it’s sound advice.   I had lunch with my mom yesterday and it was just nice getting away from things for a while.   People need to do that more often, and unfortunately it feels like it’s harder to do than ever before.

But “go outside” isn’t just a literal thing.   It can mean going beyond your usual haunts, reading the same books, watching the same shows, rehashing the same conversations.   I think the reason this stuff always revolves around “shipping” is because there seems to be this deep-seated compulsion to pair fictional characters off like this, and for a lot of folks it’s the only way they can consume a story, so they do.   And they do it lot, and there’s a lot of them, and they do it the same way every time, and lo and behold the same old conflicts start up.   So maybe “go outside” should mean “go outside of that cycle once in a while.”   Just a thought. 

[polkadotart]

i want you to know that lately anytime i feel like shit i go and look at your art that features molly and lex being goofballs. i freakin smile irl because theyre super cute and they just make me so happy. not only that theres just something about your art that just gives me a lot of positive, comforting feelings and i get all excited like some fuckin kid. i want to say its sort of nostalgic but its also just not it lol i cant even describe it

sorry for rambling but your art is swag and i love the way it just makes me feel nice. i hope youre having a good day

wow this is so fucking sweet thank you so much xD

i am very happy my art has a positive effect on you.

the way i see my own art is i want to draw the way i wanted to draw back when i was very young but specifically when i was 11 or 12 and my main inspiration came from the internet back in 2010 back when my first exposure to online artists was deviant art.

However I'd say i struggled a lot with art the majority of the sketchbooks from that time were depressingly empty, drawings i remember putting too much time into just to make a cute little character unfinished. This drove me crazy when i went back to reminisce i felt disappointed, but the thing was i couldn't hate myself for it i was scared of being a bad artist at such a young age i grew bitter against art because it didn't look a specific way these days i am sick of comparing myself to others i want to draw and i want to draw whatever the hell i want. Drawing is still difficult sometimes but i'm doing what i love and part of that is revisiting my old inspirations and letting my inner child have as much fun as they want with the new drawing knowledge i have collected throughout the years.

i feel good i feel comforted when i make art it makes me smile and most importantly i tend to have a lot more fun with it these days and i know from here things can only get better despite the hardships i will always create and keep creating until i die.

i love posting my art because i feel happy that i can share it with the world even if it's just a few people and it makes me so proud that i do make people happy in the process.

[queensparklekitten]

Sparkle’s Guide To Preparing For A Season/Series Finale

We’ve all been there. Final book in a series, final episode in a season or show, film series equivalent to a season finale (think like endgame). Sometimes, you just gotta prep. Here’s what I do: 

If it’s been a while since you last read/watched the previous books/movies/episodes, reread/rewatch them. 

You probably already do this

Determine the level of spoiler lockdown you will do 

Can you just filter the spoiler tag and not be in danger? Or is there risk of spoilers everywhere you see? 

If it’s a mega-popular franchise everyone’s been talking about for ages that has a ton of buzzfeed articles, your best bet is to stay off the internet entirely. 

If you’re staying on the internet, stay off of youtube, most discord servers, and any and all websites where tons of fans of that thing gather. If you’re going to unfollow people, make a list of everyone you unfollow so you won’t forget to follow again after you finish the finale! 

Let your neighbours know that if you scream suddenly, you are not in danger

Can’t risk being interrupted by sirens outside your door. 

Set out comic books, singleplayer Mario Kart, and other activities to distract yourself from the urge to go on the internet

It’s hard to resist being online 24/7. As well as comic books and mario kart, good distractions include: 

-drawing. it doesn’t have to be good, just draw a random scene with characters you like, or a cool outfit you saw online, or a comic of yourself doing something crazy awesome, or a scene in a fanfic you imagined up, or whatever you feel like drawing. 

-going to a playground and using a swing (if everyone’s gonna talk about the show, wear headphones when you go outside) 

-actually working on your wips

-looking up an easy craft and doing it

-if you must use a screen, Flash games are a good option. Point and click adventure games are a great pastime. 

-MINECRAFT

Listen to the Madoka Magica soundtrack to get yourself into the mood

This is one of the things I do every time there’s a finale. This is an event deserving of this sort of SUPER epic music.  Kiminiginnoniwa (this one should go at the end but i’m too lazy to move it) | Connect [english version here] | Credens Justitiam | Hikari Furu |  Sis Puella Magica | Absolute Configuration | Magia [English cover] [indescribably epic slowed down version] 

Try to get enough sleep the 2 days before

You might end up reading/watching until 3am. And if you accidentally fall asleep, that could totally screw things up. I say 2 days before instead of just the one day before because the night before a finale, anticipation will probably keep you awake. If you have sleep medication, that could help. 

Set out as many pillows as you can

You’re going to need several to throw, two or three to cry into, some on the ground to collapse on, and maybe one to scream into if screaming out loud is not an option. A stuffed animal to hug might also be a good option. Preferably one of your largest stuffed animals. 

If you are using the TV and have siblings who hog it, distract them like so: 

Give your sibling candy, a kind they like but you don’t. Give them enough they’ll get sugar buzzed as hell, and then your parents will throw them out of the house to go apeshit somewhere else. Congrats, you now have the TV to yourself!! 

If you are going to read something, put up a sign on your bedroom door saying not to interrupt you, and wear earmuffs 

If you don’t have earmuffs, headphones with no music also work. 

If putting up a sign will not stop your relatives from interrupting you nonstop, your best bet is to full-out hide. Try a hiding place like your bedroom closet with a portable light, or the basement, or somewhere else that’s a good hiding place. 

Prepare your blank memes and reaction gifs

You’re going to need them when you post about the series later. 

[eldritchsurveys]

1029.

What colour is the photo frame closest to you? >> Black. Both of the frames in my room are black.

Are your pets asleep right now, if you have any? >> Sparrow’s cat is probably asleep on her bed.

Would you have any idea what your parents are doing right now? >> ---

How many windows (roughly) does your house have? >> My apartment has three windows.

Do you have a good relationship with your cousins? >> ---

What was the last kids movie you saw? >> Hmm... not too sure. I might watch Book of Life soon.

Do you know anyone who was born in Africa? >> I don’t think so.

Have you ever been to an internet cafe? >> Yes.

Are there any upcoming events for you to look forward to? >> No.

Has the year gone quickly for you so far? >> I haven’t really paid attention to whether it’s gone “quickly” or “slowly” or whatever. Time just passes, I don’t really give it much weight.

How many siblings does your significant other have? >> Two.

Are you one of those people who can drink vodka straight? >> I mean, yes? I don’t usually drink vodka straight because I prefer cocktails to just knocking back hard liquor for no good reason, but I’m not terribly averse to the taste or anything.

Have you ever done three or more shots in a row? >> Yeah, unfortunately. Luckily, that was an easy lesson to learn.

Do you share a middle name with any of your friends? >> No.

What was the last movie you saw in theatres? >> Birds of Prey. I wonder what year it will be when this answer finally changes, lmao.

Are you interested in international politics? >> Not especially. I’m not even interested in domestic politics, so...

How many pairs of jeans do you own? >> Three, technically, but the other two don’t fit anymore and I just haven’t gotten rid of them yet.

When was the last time you showered? >> This morning.

Do you know the name of the pharmacist at your local drug store? >> No???

What was the first cellphone you had and how old were you when you got it? >> Something by Kyocera. I was seventeen.

Do you use public transport in your town or city? >> Yes, when it’s not Pandemic Times.

Have your parents ever worked in a factory? >> ---

Do you have several best friends? >> I have zero best friends...

How many lights are in the room you're in? >> Zero, it’s daylight hours.

Is there a Hard Rock Cafe in your town or city? >> No.

Do you eat fast food more than once a week? >> I rarely eat fast food.

What flavour is your toothpaste? >> Mint.

Have you ever shared a shower or bath with someone as an adult? >> Yeah.

When was the last time you had a bubble bath? >> I was probably a child. I don’t like baths so I don’t take them.

Are you sleepy right now? >> No.

How big is your backyard? >> ---

Do you know anyone with Tourette's Syndrome? >> No.

What time does your alarm wake you up in the morning? >> ---

What was the last zoo you visited? >> John Ball, here in town. It was last year’s Labor Day, and we got to see the new red pandas. (They had babies this year! They post livestreams of the babies on facebook sometimes and they’re very tiny and cute.)

Do you like crime films and tv shows? >> Not especially.

When you shop, do you take a basket or a cart (trolley)? >> It depends on how much we’re buying. Even then, usually a cart, because Sparrow hates carrying things, lmao.

Have you ever tasted milk straight from the cow? >> Nope.

What's your favourite sleeping position? >> On my right side, with my other pillow in my arms.

What colour is the bra you're wearing? >> ---

Have you ever seen A Clockwork Orange? >> I tried to watch it a long time ago but I couldn’t make it more than fifteen minutes in without getting irritated and giving up.

Are you bitter about anything? >> Oh, certainly.

Do you like to make games out of chores to make them more enjoyable? >> That’s not gonna work. I just put on some music and power through as best I can.

How many letters are in your best friend's surname? >> ---

Is there anything in your possession that probably shouldn't be? >> No?

What is your favourite flavour of yoghurt? >> Vanilla bean, I guess. Nothing crazy.

What was the first online account you remember having? >> Er... hmm. I remember (”remember” = “I know I had it then because it was a reference to a band I was obsessed with at that age”) getting a Yahoo! email when I was 13, so I guess that.

Do you listen to music to fall asleep? >> No.

Where did you go last time you left your town or city? >> I guess Lowell is technically not part of Grand Rapids...? So, there. We went to the dispensary up there.

Do you use emojis? >> Sure.

Have you ever wanted to be a lawyer? >> Fuck no.

What percentage of battery does your phone currently have? >> 48%. Probably should have stuck it on the charger while I was gaming.

What was the last type of soda you drank? >> I don’t drink soda, but I do have a San Pellegrino fizzy water right now. That’s close, right?

How far away from your house is your favourite place to shop for clothes? >> ---

Do you have supplies handy right now to draw something if I told you to? >> I have pencils and a sketchbook, so, yeah.

Have you ever been married? >> I am.

What does your deodorant smell like? >> Just some kind of basic powder scent.

Is your bedroom more messy or clean at the moment? >> Clean.

Do you use Twitter? >> No.

Are you any good at baking cakes and cookies from scratch? >> I don’t have any experience doing so, so no.

Is there a floor lamp in your bedroom? >> No.

What does most of your weekly or fortnightly income go towards? >> My monthly income, you mean? Almost all of it goes to bills...

Have you ever been to another continent? >> No.

Do you have any hidden piercings? (this includes bellybuttons) >> No.

What month is your birthday? >> May.

What can you hear right now? >> Whatever environmental noise can get past my headphones (which is a fair amount of it, since my headphones aren’t actually on right now. when I put them on and the noise cancelling kicks in, the world basically disappears).

[hyphypmic]

HypMic: Utaites

Anon asked: Kinda weird but! How would the boys be with a Utaite s/o? (In case you don’t know, Utaites are singers who cover Vocaloid or jpop songs, and some even have original works, typically for YouTube or Nico). Like how would they do with concerts, shoots, and all that? Thanks in advance (also your writing is absolutely fantastic~~)

Uwu you make me soft hehe

—

Ichiro

Hahahah he would really go for it and sing along

Plus he would be so game to cosplay and do covers with you

Like he would also have you guest star in concerts because he is a very out anime fan so we know he is very unashamed with his obsessions

And with your original works, he promotes like crazy and even promotes your teasers and has reaction videos and all that

Plus he nerds out, a lot,,,, so he’s incredibly supportive

Plus, you do do covers of his songs and the buster bros which he finds incredibly adorable and loves you for it

Jiro

Also a very out and obvious anime fan

So he super duper supports you, though he’s kinda shy to ask Ichiro if you can guest star

But Jiro is really in awe of you and he asks shyly if you can cover some of his favourite songs

And he promotes you too on social media and all that

As for shoots, he’s game to dress up and like help you out

But it’s more of you have fun together rather than actually get any work done

You did his song alone then he insisted you do it with him

So at the time when you cosplayed as Jiro, the internet exploded

Saburo

Social media god with about three posts on his instagram

He promotes you so well that you see a rise in your followers right away

Plus he’s really good at taking pictures and doing photoshoots

He’s shy at performing with you, but if it’s for an anime he really likes, he goes for it and you love seeing his unfiltered enthusiasm because he’s usually a bit more shy

But yeah, he prefers to be your cameraman and to be fair, he really is good at what he does

He’s shy, but he loved it when you did your own rendition of new star and he’s so soft and uwu he put extra effort into editing that vid

Samatoki

Ah well, he probably heard some of the songs from when Ichiro would fucking blast them on the radio

And he actually likes some of them

So though he isn’t as well-versed as Ichiro, Samatoki would ask if you could play some of the ones he likes and you’re all for it

And he likes what you’re doing so in a very tsundere way he asks you to guest star and sometimes he IG story’s you and all that

And he also takes pics of you for your shoots…. And you managed to convince him once

Oh and of course, you did a cover of his songs while wearing his polo and that made him very happy

Jyuto

He also doesn’t get the anime shit right away

But I’m sure he knows some so he’s into it to some extent

He’s shy to cosplay, but once you convince him it works out miraculously

Plus when you dress up like him he loves to because he’s genuinely so flattered

Secretly an amazing photographer so he’s out there to just help you out

And he does ;et you guest star in concerts and he loves recording your practices for his own personal consumption because he’s a lil selfish like that

Riou

Doesn’t get it at first and things that all the shit you do is original

And after you explain it to him he lowkey gets into watching the shows and he asks if you can do some of the ones he likes

And he’s supper supportive in his own stoic way

Like yeah he won’t cosplay with you and yeah he won’t appear in duets with you (unless it’s his song or an MTC one)

But he is a solid presence all the time and you appreciate his effort and kindness

then he always reminds you to rest and not push yourself so that you can be at your 100% all the time, but it’s okay not to be

Ramuda

All the game to dress up and be your fashion desgoiner

He even makes the cosplay clothes for you and makes a version for himself

Actively asks you to duet with him and collaborate on videos and concerts and photoshoots

You also help him with releasing a cosplay line for his clothes line

And anyway, you love him the more for it

So the shoots are beautiful and the social media promo is off the charts because ramada is a god at it

And he’s very enthusiastic about your performances and he sells you really really well

Gentaro

Another behind the scenes kind of guy

You won’t find him in your pictures or in your videos or whatever

But he’s the one giving you tips on your vocals and what not

And also he’s taking your pics and since he’s an artist at heart (but I believe he can’t draw) he takes good pics because he can visualise it in your head

Also when he promotes you, like damn his words are really convincing and everyone just wants to listen to you

Plus when you dressed up as him one time, he felt so soft that he had to take the best pictures of the two of you

Dice

Im sure he knows a bit of the anime because sometimes you gotta watch what you can watch

And then he would dress up, but like only ion you force him too

And he pretends he doesn’t like it but he does

And he helps you out like conceptually, meaning finding the best locations for photos

And the one time you dressed up like him and he was starstruck for the longest time like he really wouldn’t stop fanboying

And yes we know he’s a street rat, but he is a very considerate street rat so he’s so incredibly proud of you and actually spends what little he has on buying your songs

Jakurai

Doesn’t really get it at first so he asks you to introduce to him the world

And when he does get it he’s really impressed because it’s not easy being an artist in general

So sometimes he dresses up with you because honestly I know Jakurai is down for anything and everything as long as he gets to see you smile

And when you do covers of his songs and other songs, he helps you out with how you should act and like vocally

He doesn’t do social media very well, but when he does everyone just goes uwu with how proud he is of you and makes you open act MTR sometimes

Oh and when you do covers with him, needless to say the world is in tears

Doppo

Doesn’t also get you at first

So you explain it to him and he is immediately in awe of you because that shit is hard

And no there is no way you’re going to get him to dress up if you’re gonna ask

But he is proud of you and loves what you’re doing

So all of your songs are saved on his phone and he listens to them in his free time and he lets maternou listen also

And the biggest and happiest moment for him is when you covered his song, like he was super emotional about it because he knew that you didn’t have to but you did anyway because you personally love the song and— yeah he really loves you for it

Hifumi

Is game to dress up with you, to take pictures with you and to do covers with you, anything on camera he is g

Anyway, he really is a smog puppy so sometimes he plays your songs in his club and he goes around saying this is my significant other!@ check out her YT and her Nico!

And then he’s one of the social media gods of hypmic so like…. He promotes you really really well

Plus, he has the perfect spots for all your shoots and MVs

You even did one in his club and another one for when you did his song

Plus he really just wants to be the best supportive boyfriend he can be and there’s nothing you would want more

[swafena]

Why Start Shopping Online?: 5 Steps To Safe Shopping From Sketchy Social Media Stores

After Instagram added the Instagram Checkout payment tool these sketchy Instagram stores that pop up in my ads  became even more irresistible. Just while seeing my friend’s Insta story of him dancing like crazy last night these bags pop up in my ads . Am I crazy or I’ve just became in a  desperate need of a new bag?  If you don’t know what I’m talking about you are not using Instagram the right way. Then again, excuse my previous judgment, you might be a guy and the Instagram Bags store might not be targeting you! Anyhow, whatever Instagram stores are targeting you, aren’t these ads so seductive. I don’t even have money and they still lure me in to buying their things. Having said that, Instagram Stores sometimes can be somewhat untrusty. I don’t want to give out my banking details to someone in India that is just waiting for my stupid ass to purchase that fake bag. I know the bags are persuasive but I kind of don’t want to get robbed from stupidity. In this article you can find 

 But First, why you should start shopping on Instagram?

Let’s be honest,  21st century is all about standing out and Instagram stores are exactly the place where you can find those unique fits.

I personally have come across such exclusive brands through pop up ads. I am always am left shocked  by how I’ve never heard about their products previously. In particular my favorite discovery was the brand “Motel Rocks”. They offer exceptional designs that make your figure out of this world. I know that they’ve recently attracted quite a lot of attention but I’ve ordered some pieces from them even before the huge hype only due to pop up adds.  

Let the Algorithm work in your favor

If we forget for a moment of how every platform just waits for us to search for something so they can start bombarding us with adds, the algorithm can actually work in our favor. In reality, Instagram shows you only the adds that you’ll be 

interested in. Take advantage of that! How to do that? - you ask, well it’s pretty easy. For instance, this one time I wanted to buy myself some distinctive jewelry and I typed jewelry store in the search section of Instagram. Sadly, I couldn’t find anything that really appealed to my style. I kid you not, literally two minutes later some rings popped up in my suggested page. The more I deep dive in to the jeweler world of Instagram, the more jewelry adds started following me. After only few minutes I wasn’t the one looking for rings and necklaces but the brands were seeking me as a client. This really helped me find the perfect jewelry designs even though I was not even putting effort but was just paying attention to my suggested adds. 

 Read the Reviews, Please!!!

Instagram is such an accessible platform. Everyone has a profile and it’s easy to review something. It’s even easier to comment your opinion on one of the brand’s posts. Therefore, for us the clients, reading the reviews becomes even simpler. In particular, I was looking at this store that offered swimsuits.

 I loved the designs but I wasn’t sure about the legitness of the company because they didn’t have a big following. For the purpose of me getting the perfect summer fit I had to turn on detective mode which is why I started deep diving in to their comments section. That was useful to some extent, yet I would personally recommend going through their tagged photos. This is where you’ll see real people wearing the real products. Not only that but many vloggers will review small boutique products or make big clothing hauls for huge brands. Therefore, you might even see an actual rough video and an actual rough opinion of the thing that you want to purchase.

 Check Prices while scrolling through their feed.

Literally, having an Instagram store is equal to having a website these days. You can get access to all the information you need just while scrolling through photos. Isn’t that the best? I can spend so much money without even realizing. Putting aside the fact that I’m soon to be broke, I honestly enjoy the simplicity of using the platform. I don’t even have to go to the actual website and I can check the prices of fits that I desire. It’s convenient,  especially in the cases where brands are extremely overpriced and I can’t afford them. It takes me only one tap to feel the disappointment but it saves me so much time.  

  Secure your bank details by Using Virtual Cards 

Needless to say, one of the biggest cons of Instagram stores is that some of them are very untrustworthy. They might offer compelling products but at the same time you have no grantee that you will actually get your products. That’s why trusting them is not the easiest task. The number of data breaches around the world was up by 33% since last year and the total number of exposed reports have doubled. This has made everyone online be hesitant about giving their personal data to unreliable online store. I personally would never give my bank card details to any online store. The way I shop online is by using virtual cards. First and foremost, these cards could be linked to an alternative account than your primary and provide additional security features. I can top them up whenever I want to and I can freeze them as easily. My personal favorite thing is that I can distribute my budget better. For example, If I haven’t spent anything on clothes last month, I could top up the account that my virtual card draws money from. Thus, I’ll be able to have a specific portion of my budget for my online shopping. It’s perfect because this stops me sometimes from overspending too much on online shopping.  If you want to have a variety of Virtual cards like I do, you can use “iCard”. The app sadly operated only in Europe. I’ve tried similar applications but it never worked out in my favor. I like “iCard”  because I can actually distribute my budget in a more secure and proper way. On the other hand, I like their stylish products like the NFC Keychains - keychains through which you can make contactless payments. Amm, excuse me, if am going to spend my entire salary on pointless purchases at least I could do it with style.

 So, now that you know how to securely spend your money on the Internet, go and get something new to walk around your house in. The pandemic might have made us feel sad and lonely but you know what they say – “Whoever said that money can’t buy happiness, didn’t know where to go shopping!” Enjoy!!!

[writing-for-amusement]

Commission for Confidence, 4

Summary: Y/N has been struggling with her self-esteem for years. After incessant pushing from your best friend, Y/N decides to commission an artist to draw her, expecting everything to happen via Internet. However, when your phone is stolen, you try to cancel the commission, but Peter Parker has other ideas. He quickly becomes enraptured by you, and a friendship forms easily. Will it lead to something more? Or will your past fears get in the way?

A/N: Okay, so the end of this chapter is admittedly a little choppy, but if I had included more, it would have been probably unnecessarily long (especially since I’ve kinda developed a pattern for myself with length of chapters). I’m so glad that people seem to be enjoying my work!! I’m thinking of posting some other stuff sometime soon, so I don’t burnout on this story, but idk yet. Anyway, enjoy this chapter, please give me feedback, I crave it.

I feel like I should mention that I try to be as neutral with looks as possible. Even if you have darker skin, you still blush, even if it might not be visible. Hence why I often refer to it as “heat rushing to your face” or whatever, but I try to not mention how red it makes Y/N look. If anyone has advice on how to do it better, please let me know!

Also, if you want to be in the taglist, just let me know!!

Taglist: @pparkerwrites, @scatterbrainedgenius, @jordyns-library, @wildfirecracker

Word Count: 2557

Warnings: mental illness (depression and anxiety), brief mention of deceased loved one, insecurity, lots of awkwardness, awkward “flirting” (??), Peter being a cutie pie as always

Peter helped you gather your things and waited patiently as you gave a bright thank you to the owner, Morgana. Then, he was holding the door open to you with a bright smile.

“So,” you prompted as you both started towards the subway.

“So,” he echoed, sending you a playful grin.

“We talked so much about me,” you pointed out, “so why don’t you tell me more about you? If I may be so bold, I’d like to become actual friends with you, instead of just minor acquaintances.”

Peter turned to face you, walking sideways, and was beaming so bright you thought you’d need sunglasses. “Really??? I feel the same way!”

You blushed slightly, looking at the ground for a brief moment. “I’m glad,” you admitted in a murmur.

Soon, the two of you were entering the subway, intent on getting back to Queens before the amount of people traveling got worse.

“So,” Peter began, letting you take a seat as he stood in front of you in the rather crowded car, “I’m trying to think of what medium to capture you in.”

You blinked in surprise.

“I mean, there is a raw beauty to just charcoal or regular pencil, but you are so vibrant and gorgeous, I want to do something more.”

Peter was staring out the window in thought as the heat filled your cheeks, neck, and chest. You bit your lip to try and stop the squeal or giggle of happiness from leaking out (you couldn’t tell what it would be, so you kept your mouth shut). You found yourself looking up at Peter, noticing how he himself would make a great model for any type of art.

Brown eyes suddenly looked at yours and you were thankful that the subway was coming to the next stop. It gave you an excuse to look away, his curious gaze making you feel tingles up your spine. As a tired mother entered with two small children in tow, you and another passenger quickly got up and let them take your seats.

Now, you were standing almost chest to chest with Peter Parker. You awkwardly tried to shuffle around him, so that you were standing next to him, but another passenger quickly took that spot. That left you right there, closer to Peter than you thought you’d ever get.

“Hi,” he blushed down at you.

“H-hello,” you stuttered. “So, you were saying?”

Your weak attempt at saving face actually worked, and Peter began to talk you through the pros and cons of other mediums of art. You found yourself to be incredibly intrigued by the way that Peter spoke.

He spoke so passionately that you could basically see the different aspects of each medium before your eyes. You could see brushes of acrylic paint, or the subtle blurring of watercolors, as he went into greater detail than you almost thought possible.

“Of course, photography will always hold a place in my heart, but sometimes you can’t capture the same emotions as you could with actually making the art yourself. The best part of photography, though, is when you—”

Peter was cut off as the subway car jerked and you fell into him in shock. You had never been particularly graceful, but at least this time it wasn’t your fault. You expected to knock him over; he was a fit man, but you knew you had some heft to you, especially with that violent of a jerk. Something like that would make you, or really anyone, knock over even the largest of men, you were certain of it.

To your surprise, Peter caught you easily, not even moving his feet as he was clutching you to his body. His hand was like comforting and warm candle fire on your waist, slowly heating your muscles. Beautiful brown eyes regarded you with concern.

“Are you okay, Y/N? That was quite the jerk. They’re normally not that bad.”

You nodded sheepishly, removing your hand from where it was splayed on his firm chest. You cleared your throat and took a slight step back, nearly regretting it as the warmth seeped out of your waist slowly.

“Thanks, Peter,” you smiled, albeit a little nervously. “I definitely would have fallen over if you weren’t there.”

"Well,” Peter began, smirking at you, “I can tell you that I’ll be here to catch you, anytime you need it.”

You giggled, covering your smile with your hand. “Then I hope you’re around a lot, because I’m the clumsiest person around,” you told him, realizing as soon as it left your mouth that it was incredibly flirty, at least for you.

Peter was looking at you with a look you couldn’t decipher, but his mouth was grinning. “Hey, I won’t complain about that.”

The heat rushed through your body and you looked at the floor, trying to calm your stampeding heart. Your throat felt a little dry, not expecting his response. You looked up and saw a skinny little thing staring at you with contempt, and your heart crashed to the ground.

Your brain quickly clouded over with negative thoughts. Of course, she’s staring, you’d never fit in with a guy like Peter. Look at him, he’s gorgeous and fit. And you are definitely not. She thinks you’re crazy for flirting with him. And you are crazy for flirting with him. He’d never go for a girl like you, you’re not his type.

Now wait just a minute, you interrupted the hissing whisper, how do I know what his type is? You can’t just assume someone’s type, you know.

Doesn’t matter, the hiss replied easily, anything as big and jiggly as you are is never anyone’s type. You should know that by now.

You ended up heaving a sigh, the hissing getting louder and louder in your head. It was blocking out every positive thought you’d ever had about yourself, pointing out the jiggle in your thighs, the fat of your stomach, the stretch marks that decorated your skin. It pointed out how your laugh was too loud, your smile too big, your fingers too fat, your cheeks unnecessarily full. The clouds became a storm, torrential rains freezing your body, turning your blood into the slowest river in the world.

“Hey,” a shining light of a voice broke through the storm, making you look up at Peter. “Are you okay?” he asked, his hand brushing your arm.

The tingles that his touch brought started to drop-kick the clouds from the forefront of your mind. Peter was looking at you in a way you couldn’t quite tell, but it was like he could tell you were upset about yourself, like he would tear the world to pieces to make you feel better. It made your heart crack, fighting to escape your chest and screech to the world that you were beautiful and worthy.

Because that’s how his gaze made you feel.

You suddenly brightened, the clouds on the far horizons of your mind as they always were, but they were done storming and flooding. “Yeah, Peter, I’m alright,” you told him sincerely, a small but genuine smile on your lips.

Peter’s molten brown eyes assessed you critically, making your body warm and thaw from that freezing storm. After a few more moments, and the subway car nearing your stop, Peter seemed content with your answer. He gave you the sweetest smile you’d ever seen.

The car came to a stop and Peter gestured for you to get off the car. As you fought the crowd of people entering, Peter hooked his pinky in yours in order to stay together. It made your stupid heart flutter up to your throat, but you managed to swallow it back down.

The two of you broke through the crowds and Peter unhooked his pinky from yours. The loud pounding of your heart began to quiet as you and Peter made your way out of the subway; the “fresh” air of the outside (as fresh as it could get, of course) helped clear your mind a bit and you relaxed ever so slightly.

Peter started leading the way to his apartment, which was in the same direction as yours. “The place is kinda a mess,” he informed you as you walked next to him, “but it’s not too bad. Mostly just a couple of unfinished works running around.”

“Hey, I don’t mind,” you told him, stepping farther into the sidewalk as a crowd of people walking the opposite direction tried to take over the small space.

“I grew up in Queens,” Peter stated, and when you looked at him, he was scowling slightly, “but lately, all these crowds have been even more rude than usual.”

You chuckled lightly and shrugged your shoulders. “You grew up in Queens, huh? So, you were here when Spider-Man became a thing, yeah?”

If you didn’t know any better, Peter’s shoulders tensed as he waited for the streetlight to change. Then, an almost nervous chuckle flitted over to your ears.

“Yeah, I remember. I saw him swinging around in that cheap ass suit one day after school. How embarrassing for him.” Peter’s ears turned a light pink color.

You hummed in thought slightly, glancing at him as he glanced at you. “I liked that first suit, actually,” you admitted. “I mean, obviously it wasn’t as effective as his following ones, but I’ve always admired homemade creations. It was creative in its design, at least I always thought so from the YouTube videos I’d seen.”

“For real?” Peter asked as you began to cross the street.

“Yeah.”

You were surprised when Peter began to laugh, pulling you into him by your shoulders as you walked. Your heart plummeted as he appeared to laugh at you.

“I’m glad someone liked it!” Peter then said, removing his arm and grinning at you. Your heart slowly began to clamber back up to its new home in your throat. “Especially someone with such good taste as you!”

Your heart raced to your throat like a mountain goat on the hunt for the sweetest grass at the top of the mountain. With your heart came a rush of blood and warmth.

God, you really needed to get it together. You didn’t know how you were supposed to survive around such a sweet man, with such a bright personality.

Eventually, you and Peter made it to his apartment building, which was closer to the subway than your own. He kept you entertained for the short walk, regaling amusing stories from high school and college. You learned of his best friend and now roommate, Ned Leeds, rather early on in the conversation. And you learned that he absolutely adored his Aunt May.

Peter opened the door for you, and you thanked him with a dramatic bow of your upper body, your nerves tingling happily as he laughed and copied your gesture. He introduced you to the doorman (making you realize that this was a really nice building) before pressing the button to call the elevator.

“Geez, this is a nice building,” you remarked as you stepped into the elevator. “The elevator in my building has been out for like three months.”

Peter chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “Yeah, well, I haven’t told you about my full-time job yet.”

“I didn’t know a building this nice existed in Queens,” you muttered to yourself, though you were exaggerating just a little.

“I work for Stark Industries,” Peter stated, making your head snap over to him. “I-I started an internship when I was in high school,” he explained nervously, shuffling his feet. “And through college, I worked there too. And now I have a full job with Mrs. Potts-Stark.”

You tilted your head in thought, thoroughly impressed. “Wow, I knew you were smart, but damn, you’re a full-blown genius!”

Peter’s blush crept up the back of his neck and he shifted again, obviously sheepish. He muttered out a shy, “Thanks,” along with a sweet smile. “The great thing about my job, is that it actually leaves a lot of time for my creative endeavors. Mrs. Potts-Stark makes sure of it, actually; she’s very big on preventing burnout.”

“Stark Industries, man, they’re prestigious! I’ve always admired Mrs. Potts-Stark,” you continued as the elevator opened and you both walked out. “She’s one of the smartest people I’ve ever read about. She’s so strong, too. And not to mention Tony Stark. I always knew that he wasn’t as selfish as the media made him out to be; I once did research on Howard Stark, and honestly, Tony Stark, before and after developing weapons, makes so much psychological sense. Some people only point out his faults, like his ego or oversight. They say this like it makes him a bad man. I say that he was a great man, with his faults.”

Peter was staring at you, his jaw slightly agape, and there seemed to be tears in his eyes. Concerned, you stepped forward and tilted your head to look into his eyes.

“Peter? Are you okay?” you asked gently.

“Y-yeah,” he stuttered, closing his jaw. Slowly, a smile made its way to his cheeks. “I, um, I was very close with, with Mr. Stark. Sometimes, it’s hard to hear people talk about him like he was this perfect human, or like he was the worst man ever. But, just, hearing you talk about him like that? It means a lot. Y/N, it—it makes me so happy.”

Your hand twitched as you ached to wipe the happy tear from his cheek. You kept it down, instead pulling out a handkerchief and giving it to him. Peter took it from you and glanced between it and you before chuckling wetly.

“You owning a handkerchief is so on-brand,” he chuckled as he wiped his tears quickly. Quite unfairly, it almost looked like he’d never been crying at all.

You chuckled nervously and shifted your weight back and forth. “Sometimes, it makes life a lot easier.” As he tried to hand it back to you, you held up your hands and waved them a bit for added emphasis. “No, no, it’s okay. You keep it. I have… I have more at home,” you ended in a shy whisper, almost not wanting to say it aloud at all because you’d been made fun of before.

“How many?” Peter asked, no trace of malice in his voice. “Enough to be a proper damsel in distress?” This time, he grinned at you before turning to get to his apartment.

“I’m not a damsel,” you scoffed playfully. “Nor am I proper. I’m in distress at lot, but it’s mostly internal,” you chuckled. You waited behind Peter as he unlocked his apartment door (it was painted a dark red, and you quite liked it).

“I’ll have to introduce you to Pepper sometime,” Peter said as he let you inside. “I think you’d both get along really well.”

It was then that it really sunk in for you. You were about to go into the apartment of a man that you met just a few hours ago. While you were fairly certain Peter wasn’t a serial killer, you were worried about what this evening would bring. With your awkwardness, you thought it to be quite possible that the sweet and passionate Peter would kick you out.