#the intentional vagueness of all this and inclusion of a picture is supposed to also attract non-Starkid fans if you’re wondering

[markerofthemidnight]

[anths-girl]

I'm not one to try and write long-winded posts or like, get very passionately into a certain topic, or whatever. Mostly for the fact that, for one, my anxiety just makes me believe that nobody gives a shit about what little ol' me has to say about anything. And secondly, the few times in the past I DID kind of…speak up about things, I got such horrible responses that it just put me off ever actually saying anything at all, anymore.

But, BUT…sometimes I just CANNOT shut up. And this is one of those times.

I've lately started noticing this thing where, apparently, if you're asexual - and I AM very much asexual - you're not "included" in the "community," if you're a "straight" asexual. Like, go to my blog, see me posting pictures of like, Kirk Hammett with heart eyes emojis…BOOM, nope, you're not a "real" asexual. You're not valid. You're not included. Because I find men aesthetically pleasing, I'm…a fake? A fraud? Or, not actually asexual at all? Doesn't matter that, when I was 13, a guy I actually thought I liked, wanted to kiss me, and I fucking RAN AWAY. Or when another guy I also thought I liked, touched me, or hugged me or did anything physical, I would get nauseous and so uncomfortable that I pushed him off and made some vague excuses to just get the fuck AWAY. Or that, at the age of fucking 40, I am a virgin, I've never been kissed, AND I ABSOLUTELY DON'T WANT TO DO ANYTHING SEXUAL WITH ANYONE, EVER?

BUT, again, because I find MEN attractive (to LOOK at), and because I'm sex positive, I've watched porn (and YES, enjoyed it), like sexy movies, LOVE to read (and occasionally write) smut…I am not actually asexual? So…what? I'm just this broken, wrong…thing? That doesn't belong anywhere, because I'm not "attracted" to someone of my own gender? Even though asexual literally means I am not physically attracted to ANYONE? Because I am, according to "normal society," for all intents and purposes, labelled as "straight," I am not worthy of the "community."

The same "community" who is ALWAYS preaching inclusivity, and understanding and compassion? Well, shit, lately it's everything BUT compassionate. I've become wary, or even scared, of saying I'm asexual, because I'm afraid of ridicule. Again, I have pretty damn bad anxiety, and I get afraid when I just post a simple comment on things online, because I just don't have the mental energy to get into arguments or disputes. Though…it SHOULDN'T BE THAT WAY?! WHY does everything always have to end up being about people shunning others, who are different? Everyone talks about NOT hating or excluding people who are different…but then they turn right around and do EXACTLY that. The LGBTQA+ "community" is supposed to be a SAFE PLACE for ALL of us…and yet, now, apparently, the "us" is not…included? I can't be part of that "us," because, what, there's some specific set of requirements I'm meant to fullfil? I'm not asexual enough, because I'm not completely repulsed by sex as a whole, or because I'm a woman, who finds men attractive?

So now, what…it's right back to that mentality of hiding your true identity, because there's nowhere you fit in? Being ostracized because you're not ENOUGH to be part of something that SHOULD be welcoming to you?

Seriously, the world is regressing. Instead of being embraced and accepted for who you are…we get scrutiny, and told we're not good enough to be part of something that is supposed to include us.

So yes, what I'm trying to ACTUALLY say…it's sad and scary and LONELY, to be asexual. It's isolating. Because where we SHOULD be finding support and understanding, we just get hate and scorn. And one would truly think, that in this day and age, that wouldn't happen anymore. But like with everything, people just always have to ruin things for each other.

Because hatred towards people who are different? Will NEVER change. Humanity is still just too fucked up, for that.

[rpbetter]

Do positivity blogs ever feel like a big circlejerk popularity contest to you? Am I a bad rper for thinking this?

Firstly, I am so sorry for the delayed response. I've apologized on the blog as well, but I think it's important to apologize individually. I didn't give anyone a head's up about not being here, then left. Not cool!

Secondly, I absolutely feel that way, yes.

I don't want to imply that every positivity blog that ever has or ever will exist is Like That (or anything else I'm going to say herein), I know there have been some legitimately great blogs out there in the past. I appreciated what they were doing because it wasn't a circlejerk of popularity, ice-cold hot takes, and at least vaguely juvenile, malicious behavior. They were run by people who, maybe they were way too personally positive for me, but they lived it and weren't hurting anyone. These blogs promoted the idea of caring about other muns through specific compliments and good behavior, while they didn't use their platform to engage in things like callouts or content policing.

Sadly, I can think of one blog that is at all like this today in the RPC, and they're a meme/resource blog. They just happen to be the sort of responsible, reasonable, genuinely kind mun that the good positivity blogs used to be run by.

The actual "positivity" blogs I see now...well, they're just like the "positivity" PSA's and RPers heavily reblogging them (all of them indiscriminately, multiple times a day or week). At best, there's some kernel of good intention in there somewhere, but it's hard to ignore that the only people in the RPC deserving of positivity are those who hyper-specifically subscribe to whatever popularity, performative behaviors/virtue-signaling, and policing is going on at that moment. Most positivity blogs, and the blogs of those RPers within the circlejerk, are dotted with some truly reprehensible shit.

If your positivity is coming between rage-spurts of callouts, calls to normalize detrimental things, refusals to agree to disagree because "this will NOT be tolerated" and so on...my friend, I have news for you: this isn't positivity.

Neither is just demanding positivity. I mean that literally. The number of posts that float across my dashes that use that very word, "demand," in reference to supposed positivity is kind of alarming!

Neither is demanding it through mob-mentality compliance to one's own standards of what positivity, or RP for that matter, is/should look like.

And neither is stopping at hollow, performative statements. Are you giving people advice on how to be supportive or spread meaningful positivity in their spaces? Or, are you just posting another PSA about how the RPC is a sad place full of hate and we need to love each other?

I genuinely think that most people here are interested in being nice to their friends, at least, (which is very important and a start) but they lack the tools and ideas. They lack ideas on how to work with their anxiety or limits in order to be positive in a way that works for them and their mutuals. I can tell you twenty times in a single day to go build the island/shelving/overpriced storage thing in my kitchen because I really, desperately, need it put together months ago, but if I leave out the instructions, don't even show you a picture of it completed, and you've never put together two Legos in your life, you're unlikely to be able to do it. Let alone do it well, or without the kind of frustrating, negative experiences that lead you to giving up on this and all future endeavors like it.

However, I also genuinely think that we have a large portion of the RPC that is a bit...socially lost? Regressed, even? Even in their thirties, they're resorting to behaviors that were unacceptable in high school because it's rewarding to be popular, witty, and correct. It can be even more rewarding if one is also cruel; your friends think you're being hilarious, it got you attention, and you were given permission to be an ass because the issue is one your opinion falls on the "correct" side of. It's a recipe for muns acting like belated meangirls. And because they profess positivity, inclusion, and concern for the RPC in the right ways here and there, or they're already entrenched in the circlejerk community, it all slides.

If you send someone an anon like this, their response is very unlikely to be like mine. You'd be attacked for this opinion, told that these blogs are out here every day trying to make the RPC a more positive place, and all you can do is bitch. People like you are the problem, not me and my echo chamber! You're probably a racist, pedo, or incest supporter! Ew, proshipper alert!

So, no, not only do I agree with you (especially after having more proof than I ever desired of the narcissistic shit show behind too many positivity, RPH, and meme blogs), I don't think this makes you a bad RPer! Even if I did not agree with you wholeheartedly, having a different experience, coming from a different place, or having a different opinion doesn't make anyone an inherently bad RPer or person. <-Positivity, genuine. You're absolutely entitled to your opinions, no matter how unpopular they might be in the RPC, Anon!

The only time someone is a bad RPer or other element is when they vilify and harass others, try to run people out of the RPC or police their content/muse choices, or refuse to take responsibility for their harmful actions.

[the-mandalorian-clone-lover]

Aces in Spaces Chapter 3

Hey everyone! I think my plan going forward will be to post new chapters on Mondays so in light of that, here’s the next one! 

Summary: Roman gives Butcher the run down and explanation of Asexuality and how it pertains to Erica, warning for excessive cuteness from both. This takes place within a week of the last chapter.

(Chapter 2 can be found here and Chapter 1 here)

Tags: @princessxkenobi @sunshinepascal @rentskenobi @maybege @obaby-wan

If anyone else would like to be tagged let me know?

“Butcher, Erica is an Asexual”. The other man blinks at him and he realizes this may not be an easy fix. “It means, she doesn’t experience sexual attraction.” He takes the moment that the other man spends in confusion to turn on the projector on the table and stands so he can see the slides and Butch in the same space. The first slide is the only opening template that Microsoft power point had that didn’t make him want to roll his eyes so hard they rolled back into his skull, but now that he’s standing in front of Butch he’s convinced it really was just as bad as the others. ‘Asexuality, what it means, what it’s like, and what our response should be’ is written across it in big bolded letters and he takes comfort in the fact that Butch has always been a good listener before, and certainly seems to like Erica, so he should have his attention. He clicks to the next slide, intent on making sure not a single detail is missed, he starts to read the definition he’d gotten of the internet before turning to Butch.

“Did you read the title? I suppose since it’s the two of us this could be more of a discussion, it’ll have to be a briefing when I give it to the boys.”

Butch’s thoughtful face hasn’t uncrumpled itself, nor have his eyes left the screen but Roman’s patient, this is important and he’s willing to do whatever it takes to help Erica.

Butcher closes his mouth to purse his lips before speaking. “So, she likes you for your personality?”

Roman shrugs “I know. I was surprised too.” He says it casually and Butch huffs a laugh, Roman pauses before joining him, it is a funny thought, for how many people have told him he’s incredibly disagreeable. Assuming Butch has absorbed the definition on the screen he continues. “I’ve known for a little while now, but I wanted to be sure she was comfortable coming out before I briefed everyone.”

Butcher nods again. “How do we, is she like a nun?” he leans forward to emphasize the question and Roman turns back to the screen taking a breath.

“Well, that’s the thing. Asexuality is a spectrum, there’s a lot of different types.”

“Like a box of chocolates.” Butch says sagely, and Roman considers it before nodding

“Yes, well. I suppose so. The common denominator is that they don’t experience sexual attraction. Some still enjoy sex, some only with certain people, and some not at all, those are sex-repulsed.” He clicks the button to switch slides again, “Let’s outline the different types of attraction quickly.”

Butch is nodding again, “Yeah, that’s a good start”

“Sexual attraction is wanting to have sex with someone” Roman says it despite how crass it sounds and carries on “Platonic attraction, is wanting to be friends with someone. Aesthetic attraction is thinking something is pretty, wanting to look at it, a painting maybe.” He pauses, having gone through a slide for each definition that featured the pictures he thought best explained each and a few that Erica had suggested in her edits. He turns to Butch “I’d like to add this isn’t all inclusive by any means, I’m still learning, which is why I found a support group that I’d like to start going to, I don’t think I’ll need a guard but you do like to be aware of my schedule.” He turns back to the screen to resume before Butch cuts in, eyes never leaving the slide. “I’ll be along with you then, can’t let you wander around the city alone.”

Roman almost wants to ask if Butch heard what he said but the man says it with such a finality that he doesn’t see the point in arguing. “Well, in general, since Aces, that’s another name for them, don’t experience this attraction, it’s quite common for things that allude to it to go over their heads. The car ride earlier this week for example, Erica hadn’t meant to approach me in that way and was incredibly confused when you left.”

Butcher now looks horrified “Oh, Boss, I never meant—”

Roman shakes his head “She took no offense, it’s just not a place her mind goes.”

The sentiment obviously does little to comfort Butcher and he says as much before adding “I feel like I called her, a, well a whore Boss. I never ever would do a thing like that—” Butcher’s gentle upbringing where women are concerned is making itself known and Roman really needs to send his mother a ‘thank you’ card because it really does help them work well together. “She didn’t feel that way about it at all, I’m mostly telling you this so you can watch for if others try to suggest things to her.” Butcher’s face clears a little in understanding before Roman goes on “She’s handled herself extremely well before knowing me, we both know that, but, well, if someone is getting, well you know, and she isn’t understanding then just get rid of them, yes?”

Butcher’s face is now completely serious and even a little threatening “Consider it done Boss.”

Roman maintains his business demeanor but inside he’s positively thrilled, this is going even better than he thought. “Now I want to talk about Erica specifically, she told me a bit about how she fits into the ace spectrum and its vital for our forward plan.” He hopes Butcher is appreciating that he’s using the same format they do when they discuss upcoming business meetings and the protocols necessary for each one (location, parties involved, and prior contact, etc.) because this really is just as important to him as business. This next part is going to be the hardest though, he spent a whole night on it, because how exactly do you talk about someone’s sex life (or lack thereof) and not make it seem demeaning or judgmental or any other terrible thing? In the end he’d thrown himself on Erica’s mercy and asked how she’d prefer it to be done. He’d even offered to let her come talk to Butch herself, but she had told him she was certain Butch wouldn’t judge her.

“Now, without invading her privacy, she is an ace; so, I want to keep sex related things away from her as best we can. No dirty jokes, no crude gestures, no crass people if we can help it.”

Butch is nodding along with each condition and Roman wants to breathe a sigh of relief because being vague was the best way he knew to keep her dignity. “Any questions?” Butch pauses and shakes his head before pausing again and opening his mouth “Are there, slurs, we should know? Like, if someone calls her a nun, do we get to hit them?”

Roman beams. “That’s my next topic.” He clicks the remote again and he’s suddenly realizing he missed clicking buttons, Butcher usually gives these briefings as the head of security, have to file that away for later. “Some responses aces get when they come out is that they just haven’t met the right person, they’re a later bloomer, or that they haven’t had sex with the right people. Obviously, all of these are incredibly insensitive and downright rude. If someone says these things, feel free to immediately remove them from the premises.” Now its Butcher’s turn to beam, and Roman clicks the remote again “On a lighter note, some aces really prefer food to sex and this definitely applies to Erica. She has said, and I quote, ‘sex may be great but have people ever tried beefy 5-layer burritos?’. Aces also seem to have claimed dragons as their mascot, big ones, little ones, all colors, wings or not, dragons are where it’s at.” The slide for this section is a collage of dragons and when he’d seen Erica light up at viewing it, he’s so glad he included it.

Butcher interrupts his daydreaming with a raised hand “Are stuffed dragons acceptable?”

Roman smiles, “Yes, Erica loves small soft things. I, however, am an outlier and should not be counted.”

Butch snorts at this but Roman decides to ignore him. “As always, it’s no one’s business what she and I do together, but if someone does start giving her a hard time about this, I want you to step in. Only if she gives you a direct signal not to, should you wait.” Roman pauses then, giving an amused hum “but, if she does do that, that means she’s already got a plan to absolutely destroy the person herself so stick around for the fun because that gorgeous woman knows her way around a good insult.”

Butcher furrows his brow at this, “Are you allowed to say that? Can you, say things about her, physical, ness?”

Roman pauses before answering because this was a conversation he’d had with Erica after she came out. He had called her sexy once before and noticed the small bit of hesitation before she had smiled and changed the subject. When he brought it up in light of coming out, she had said she didn’t want to lead him on. She knew her body fit under society’s definition of ‘sexy’, but she didn’t have any intentions of performing the action, so she shied away from the designation. He’d tried to compensate afterward, only complementing her personality or intelligence before Erica had once again set him down and said she didn’t mind being told she was pretty, he’d taken the moment to ask if this meant he could compliment her aesthetically instead of sexually? She had grabbed in him in a hug. He learned this was one of her favorite words and that yes, she would be thrilled to receive compliments on her aesthetic. It’s this sentiment that he conveys to Butch, though he isn’t sure he likes the idea of Butch complimenting her. He swallows the jealousy though, he’s an adult and so is she, he trusts Butch, and Erica, and that extends to conversations they may have.

“I don’t plan to butter her up boss, just looking to make sure I understand all the circumstances that warrant the use of force.” Butch affirms calmly and Roman knows it’s the truth, he scolds himself for thinking otherwise.

“I want to move on to something else that I think is important to mention. There is another sexuality called Aromantic. It means that someone doesn’t experience romantic attraction. Erica defined romantic attraction as ‘I would slow dance in the kitchen with that person in my pajamas as we wait for coffee in the morning’. While it is possible for someone to be both Aromantic and Asexual, aro/ace is the abbreviation, Erica is not. She has said she does experience romantic attraction. Albeit very rarely.” Roman softens a bit picturing himself and Erica in the scenario he’s just described, it’s warm, easy, and while it’s probably too soon to ask her to move in so they can share their mornings, he’s definitely jotting slow dancing down for a date idea. He forces himself back to the present again and fixes Butch with a look “Any questions?”

Butch leans back in his chair and folds his massive arms across his chest as much as his jacket allows before pursing his lips and narrowing his eyes again. “This support group you mentioned, where’s that at?”

Roman clicks the remote again, this slide has a map of about five city blocks as well as the floor plan of the local library that is adjoined to the community center (he may find some of the security briefings a little too detailed but he knows what essentials Butch likes to have by now). “it’s at the local community center, heard about it on the internet” He leaves out that he spent four hours looking for one before he found a random Facebook post about it on the fourth page of chrome results but he figures his dedication is obvious either way at this point. Butch is already typing on his phone, no doubt tasking someone with retrieving more information about the whole affair.

“Do you want a scout to go in first?”

“No” Roman has already thought about this, the likelihood of it being a setup is pretty slim, and he wants to keep the business part of his life out of this as much as he can, for the sake of the other attendees. “I think it’s safe enough to go ahead.”

“Date? Time?”

“Fridays, noon, and its usually about an hour but I’d like to clear the whole afternoon indefinitely”

Butch nods along to the sentence, still typing on his phone before finishing and putting it back into his coat. “Anything else I should know?”

“Yes, I want you to schedule a meeting with the rest of the team, anyone who’ll interact with Erica, I don’t intend for there to be any misunderstandings.”

Butcher grimaces at that, “I really didn’t mean to upset her about that boss, any chance I can apologize for that?”

Roman knows Erica would say it was unnecessary, maybe even brush Butcher off, but he also wants her to know he’s taking the utmost care (Butch is too) to make sure she’s comfortable; so he nods before answering “I know she isn’t offended, but I wouldn’t mind if you did”. It has the potential to build trust between them if nothing else, and if Erica decides she wants to stick around, trusting Butcher will be integral to that process.

[vaguely-concerned]

The Mandalorian Fic -- And we are kind to snails

Gen, 3700 words. Story time on the Razor Crest! It was obviously way too early to introduce the kid to combat training, but there were other ways to prepare a child for the world, surely.

If that meant Din was occasionally stuck trying to imitate animal calls for the enjoyment and edification of a delighted and indefatigable one-person audience, so be it.

Can also be found here on AO3

--------------------------

Din had, he was slowly becoming aware, created a monster.

“Da-wah,” the baby announced, reaching his arms out to be picked up and dropping the holodisc next to him in Din’s lap once he was safely positioned.

“...oh,” Din said faintly, slumping back a little in the pilot’s chair as he kept the baby steady with one hand. “Again?”

The baby turned wide expectant eyes on him, and Din — who had in fact been planning to troubleshoot the concerning noise one of the engines had been making the last time they took off — sighed. Well, he supposed that would be easier to get done uninterrupted once the baby was asleep anyway.

“Right, again,” Din agreed, and went to activate the ship’s holoprojector on the dashboard before sliding the disc in for the second time that day.

The reading had been a bit of a shot in the dark. It was obviously way too early to introduce the kid to combat training and he may never be suited for it in a way Din would be able to teach him, even in maturity — and for all Din knew about the kid’s species that might not even be within his own lifetime, it didn’t seem worth holding his breath on this one. There were other ways to prepare a child for the world, though, surely. It was probably a bit on the premature side for engineering too, since the kid still had a marked tendency to put everything he could pick up into his mouth at least once, which ruled out most of Din’s own expertise.

He’d mulled it over for a few days until a half-buried memory of his parents reading to him had presented itself for consideration. He no longer recalled what exactly they’d read — only the feeling of sitting nestled between them, his mother’s fingers running through his hair, the way his father’s voice had taken on a specific cadence when he read aloud. That they would sometimes switch off doing the voices for the dialogue so it became almost like a real conversation.

It was… well. He still remembered some of it.

Recognizing in himself no great talent for acting Din had elected to aim for something more practical, at least to begin with. In the end he’d chosen something he hoped would be both suitable for a kid and something useful to teach him and gotten, among a few other things, a holodisc that included information on and pictures of a great variety of animals from around the galaxy. Despite the breezy assurances of some people who were born and raised in the tribe, Din suspected that there was such a thing as too early an age to be introduced to the bloodthirsty treatises of Mandalore the Conqueror.

As it turned out the kid had taken to the whole thing with so much gusto that getting him to go to bed without reading at least a little first was starting to become a minor diplomatic incident. It didn’t seem to matter so much what they actually looked at ��� Din sometimes wondered if he could have gotten away with reading the ship’s manual aloud every night and had the same entranced reception. But for that space of time every night and sometimes during the day, the kid was glued to Din’s lap and poured his full undivided attention into whatever was set before him, and filling that time with anything less than worthy of that attention felt unacceptable.

If that meant Din was occasionally stuck trying to imitate animal calls for the enjoyment and edification of a delighted and indefatigable one-person audience, so be it.

The holoprojector sprang sluggishly to life and the image flickered until Din leaned forward to give the dashboard a succinct and practiced thump. He really should open that up and take a proper look at it one of these days, it’d been acting up for years and the components were likely older than him. “There we go. Okay, then. What are we looking at today?”

In the flickering light of hyperspace illuminating the cockpit he squinted at the small hovering icons that served as previews for the full articles, looking for one that seemed interesting or failing that an old favorite. Before he could settle on something the kid leaned forward and pointed at one of the icons with an intent yelp, so Din opened that one and gave a surprised huff of laughter when the large four-legged bulk of the creature rose from the holoprojector, its horned head immediately familiar where it was lifted in a silent roar. He hadn’t realized the disc included extinct species. The kid glanced up at him, waiting for him to start the normal routine of saying the animal’s name.

“That’s a mythosaur,” Din said, unaccountably pleased the kid had zoomed right in on it. “Our people used to ride them, a long time ago.”

The kid made a long intrigued coo and reached out towards the hologram, moving his hand like he meant to stroke the mythosaur’s horned, ferocious head.

“Too bad they’re extinct or we could’ve gotten ourselves one,” Din said, genuinely a little wistful. “Wouldn’t that have been something?”

Apparently the kid got just enough of that to fix Din with a wide-eyed look, ears perking up in breathless expectation.

Regretful to burst his bubble Din was forced to clarify: “I don’t have one. They aren’t around anymore.”

After a moment’s pause the baby took this revelation with somber dignity, turning back to the mythosaur. “Bah-ta,” he intoned, waving his little hand at the hologram like he was bidding the creature a solemn farewell.

“You still got one here, though,” Din said, in the hopes of softening the blow, tugging gently on the mythosaur skull pendant the kid wore around his neck most waking hours. ”See how they’ve got the same horns?”

The baby grabbed the pendant and glanced down at it, then between it and the hologram a few times, before holding the pendant up for Din’s inspection with a triumphant happy cry.

“Yeah. We keep the important parts,” Din said, grinning a bit at the enthusiasm.

The baby absentmindedly stuck the pendant in his mouth, small toes wiggling in contentment as he turned back to the hologram, clearly awaiting what was next. Biting his lip Din added ‘toy mythosaur?’ to his inner list of things to look out for in markets when he went to resupply and then read off the sparse information the holodisc’s compilers had thought worthy of inclusion.

“Remind me to find a more exciting version of this for you one day,” Din said as he closed the article. “There’s gotta be some better stuff about them out there.”

The baby gave a garbled sound around the pendant, idly swinging his legs while Din picked a new article at random, coming up with something aquatic and vaguely frog-like from a planet covered almost entirely in shallow oceans. The kid’s eyes sparkled.

“I think you’ll find that’s a lunch buffet too big even for you, buddy,” Din told him, moving through the different pictures of the sort-of frogs flitting between corals and strange tentacle-like sea plants. “They’re at least twice your size and squirt poison. Which apparently has psychedelic effects for some species. Huh. Let’s definitely steer clear of that, then.”

Quite apart from anything else Din had no idea how much the baby’s inexplicable mind powers were controlled by conscious thought and how much was purely instinctual — Din already felt out of his depth enough as it was with this, he could only imagine with dread the results of any unforeseen variables. If Din had already wondered whether the kid could lift himself into the air as well as things around him, it was only a question of time before the baby’s inventive and ever-active brain came up with the same idea. Din tried to keep it out of his mind most of the time, outside of the involuntary planning for endless contingencies he engaged in when he couldn’t fall asleep at night. One particularly fevered evening he had, for a while, seriously considered padding the entire ceiling of the interior of the Razor Crest, just to be safe.

After the frogs were duly ‘ooh’ed and hungrily ‘aaah’d over they continued through a few types of bugs until Din used his veto by right of being the person in control of the holoprojector to get them over onto something else. He never knew the universe contained quite so many beetles or that they all looked basically the same. The Naboo guarlara got a raucous reception, though Din suspected this might have more to do with the fanciful and brightly coloured costumes of the royalty depicted riding on them than the animal itself.

Hm. Maybe hunting down a history book or two might be a good call, actually, and not just for the kid. Din had never had much of an interest in the subject himself — surely the world was bleak enough without going around dredging up the muds of ancient strife and suffering to cloud the waters even further. But these Jedi were currently the best lead he had on finding anyone like the baby out there, and if they had once been powerful enough to challenge a Mandalore… they had to have left tracks somewhere. He couldn’t imagine the Empire having tolerated information about formidable sorcerers, however ancient, being freely available, and sometimes knowledge faded surprisingly quickly if it was stamped out hard enough. Off the top of his head he was having a hard time coming up with anyone among his established contacts who might have an interest in banned literature on the side. People in his line of work did not tend towards bookishness, by and large. But then again they might have clients who did and who had the credits to back it up. It could be a useful trail to pursue, anyway, and less risky than trying to ask around about such a loaded subject in person.

What he’d do if he actually found these people was a bridge he’d have to cross — or burn behind him while fleeing blaster bolts, he could only wryly extrapolate from recent events — if he ever managed to get to it.

Still half-lost in thought Din switched to a new animal at the kid’s urging, then startled out of his distraction when the kid sat up straighter in his lap and gave a call of accusation and reproof that came straight from the depths of his little body.

“Huh? What’s wrong?” Din blinked at the hologram of the round-faced fuzzy creatures and tried to understand what was freaking the kid out about them.

“Eh!” the kid insisted, gesturing hotly at the hologram.

Realization finally dawned; Din had to push down a laugh. “Oh yeah, you had a little run-in with one of those on Sorgan, didn’t you. It’s called a Loth-cat, it’s a type of tooka. It’s not dangerous,” he added, chuckling a little despite himself when the small body in his lap remained rigid with outrage and resentment. He wrapped his arms more securely around the kid and stroked a calming hand over his side. “Some people keep them as pets.”

The kid still scowled distrustfully at the image of the Loth-cat like he found this very hard to believe, but burrowed closer against Din’s chest, tucking himself into the crook of his arm.

“See there,” Din said, pointing out the kittens cowering behind the bigger animal. “It has little ones to take care of. That’s why it’s hissing, it’s protecting them.”

Blinking slowly the kid seemed to consider this, his tiny hand wrapped around one of Din’s fingers. He gave a quizzical sound and looked up at Din, pointing at a kitten too.

“Uh-huh,” Din said. “It’s a baby. Like you.”

Softening slightly the kid lowered his hand again and tilted his head to one side.

“That’s the parent,” Din said, indicating the adult. “Buir. And they’re its children. Ade.”

He still couldn’t quite tell how much language the kid actually understood yet, but it felt like the right sort of thing to do, so he kept going.

“Together they’re a family. Aliit. I, uh. Don’t know if they really do clans, but it’s the same word.”

The kid gave a thoughtful sound and fumbled for a handhold on Din’s armor. Din gave him a squeeze, stroking his head when he butted his forehead against his palm to ask for it without taking his big dark eyes off the hologram.

“Every being gets scared and angry if its children are in danger,” Din said quietly, rocking the child gently on his lap. Since this one had sparked an interest, and to give the kid some time to get used to seeing the animal without fear, they read all the information provided, going through galactic prevalence, social structures, speculated planet of origin for the tooka, anatomy and behavioral patterns, history of domestication and hunting strategies. Din was almost sure most of it went right over the kid’s head, but the attentive tilt of his ears never wavered and he seemed to listen the whole way, even glancing questioningly up at Din when he fumbled a little in getting to the next page at one point and left a pause in the flow. Maybe the facts weren’t the most important part.

The last image of the article was of the Loth-cat asleep, its kittens tucked close all around it. Apparently reaching a place where he was ready to bury the hatchet and extend a gracious hand of peace the kid finally leaned forward and tried to pat the Loth-cat’s head like he’d done with the mythosaur, making a soothing sort of warbling sound.

“Yeah, we’re not gonna mess with its babies,” Din agreed. “It doesn’t need to be scared.”

“Nahwa-lah,” the baby babbled sagely, sitting back and leaning against Din’s side again.

“Well, while we’re on things you’ve already seen before...” Din did a quick search and found the large one-horned head he’d had the dubious pleasure of surveying from extremely up close several times.

The baby stilled in his arms, ears perking up.

“You remember this one too, huh. Guess it’d be hard to forget. Well, it’s called a mudhorn,” Din said. “In the capacity as your father, let me take the opportunity to advise you to learn from my mistakes and leave their eggs the hell alone. My vision still goes double sometimes if I turn my head too quickly.”

“Aaah,” the kid said, imperiously waving his hand in the way that meant he wanted the next page of the article, then let out a squeak when the next picture was a mudhorn contentedly grazing with its calf, plump and with a head nearly comically oversized, the horn only about the length of a human hand. The baby pointed to the calf, his excitement so radiant that Din had to smile.

“Yeah, that’s another baby. Actually...” Din knitted his brow as he scanned through the article until he found the section about anatomy and brought up a hologram of the mudhorn’s skull in profile. “Look familiar?”

The baby’s mouth turned into a little ‘o’ of surprise; he glanced up at Din, stretching up as far as he could to tentatively poke the edge of a shoulder pauldron.

“That’s right,” Din confirmed, twisting a little so the kid got a clearer view. “That’s our signet. Which you should rightfully get most of the honour for, honestly, I wasn’t doing so hot on my own.”

Running a three-fingered hand back and forth over the edge of the signet the baby babbled away, his free hand gesturing towards the hologram. Din nodded and ‘uh-huh’ed dutifully along until the kid’s story culminated in him throwing both his arms up with a shout and looking up at Din in a ‘can you believe it?’ sort of way.

“I did go flying a couple of times back there,” Din hazarded while sitting up straight again, and was rewarded with a firm nod. The kid chattered some more and patted Din’s breastplate as if in reassurance, pressing his small round cheek to the smooth metal and blinking cheerily up at him.

Din’s chest did some strange twisting things he didn’t quite understand.

“How could I be worried out there when I’ve got you watching my back, huh?” Din said thickly, cupping the back of the baby’s head in his hand and stroking his thumb along the downy crown of it, making his ears droop in contentment and his eyes slip closed as he craned into it.

Clearing his throat Din turned back to the hologram and indicated the bundle of nerves right behind the mudhorn’s jaw on the anatomy cross section. “Anyway, it went down so quickly because I managed to get it right here after you incapacitated it. Cut that connection and it’s lights out right away. Odd quirk of anatomy, but there you are. You’d do better to snipe it from a distance, though, under normal circumstances — if I didn’t have a set time I had to be back with the egg it probably would have been smarter to lie in wait until it emerged from the cave on its own, shoot it before it even knew we were there. Even tossing a few grenades into the cave would be a better choice than taking it on up close, if you don’t have to worry about the state of the egg. I’m sorry, I realize it is probably a bit on the early side for tactical reviews for you,” he added apologetically, as the baby blinked at him in what looked like well-meaning and attentive incomprehension. “...I’m not very used to having conversations about anything else. I’ll work on it.”

Thankfully the kid was already a far smoother conversationalist than Din and simply tugged on Din’s hand insistently until they could go back to the mudhorn calf, squealing happily as he spotted it again, so Din rather assumed he was forgiven.

The next animal was another bug, so Din quickly skipped it while the kid looked the other way. They detoured through the squills of Tatooine, who despite being largely composed of leathery skin, teeth, aggression and generalized malice got a much friendlier initial greeting than the small fuzzy Loth-cat had. Go figure.

Then they reached one that made Din trail off mid-sentence and grow quiet.    

The creature itself was something small and pointy-faced and furry that lived in the high mountains of Alderaan — or at least it had, before, well. There was a twinge of something he couldn’t place in his gut; he’d heard about it, of course, since he hadn’t been actively living under a rock at the time and the destruction of an entire world is the sort of thing that fights itself to the front of people’s minds no matter where you go. It had seemed nearly absurd, though, hard to really imagine, enough so that he hadn’t thought much about it one way or another until he’d seen the look on Cara’s face when she heard the name of her homeplanet spoken by the wraith-like shade of the empire that destroyed it. She had looked the way Din felt hearing ’Mandalore’ from Gideon’s mouth.  

This holodisc must have been put together a while ago. The creature wasn’t marked down as extinct yet.

Din glanced down at the kid, who was already looking up at him, getting a bit heavy-eyed but otherwise perfectly cheerful, not seeming to suspect anything was amiss. A collection of memories stirred in the depths of Din’s mind, though mercifully vague and transient — something about the beginning of the war, his parents’ voices, low and worried, conferring in the kitchen when they thought he’d fallen asleep, the slight brittleness to his father’s smile when he called him home from play in the evenings, just a bit earlier than he would have before. He wondered now if they’d been planning to leave or if they had surmised, probably correctly, that there would be nowhere truly safe to go and that the only thing they could do was to shield him from the worst of the fear.

He’d been frightened anyway, of course, but they’d tried. It seemed to him an ancient, unspoken sort of pact, that trying and that fear. A bittersweet creed all its own.

“Let’s skip this one for now,” Din said, as lightly as he could manage while he skipped the article and wrapped one arm more protectively around the baby. “Maybe another time.”

The kid didn’t seem to mind, only gave a contented yawn and turned towards Din’s chest in that way that meant drowsiness was finally catching up with him, his ears fluttering languidly. Din found a smile tugging at his mouth and started on the next animal anyway, in the knowledge that it would probably do the trick.

Din’s hunch was right; between the rdava-bird’s colouring and their mating calls the baby’s eyes were starting to slip closed every so often and he had curled himself up completely in the crook of Din’s arm, sucking absently on the pendant while he fiddled with the edge of the cloth of Din’s gambeson. Finally, in the middle of a description of the bird’s favoured habitat, his head drooped towards his chest and Din decided it might be time to call it.

“Time to sleep?” Din asked, stroking his thumb over the kid’s forehead. The baby gave a weak cry of protest and struggled to sit up a bit, managing to keep his eyes open for all of five bleary seconds before they fell closed again. “Sssh. Don’t worry. I’m not going anywhere, you can sleep. I’ll be here.”

Whether because of the words or simply the cadence of his voice the baby relaxed, gazing up at Din with soft-eyed sleepiness and the perfect trust that still made Din feel a little dizzy if he let himself think about it too hard. He swallowed and stroked the baby’s ear, rocking him slightly when his eyes finally slipped all the way closed and stayed that way.

“I’ll be here,” he repeated quietly, holding the kid for longer than he probably needed to before getting up to place him in his seat and tuck him in.

You have no idea how desperately I NEED Mando having to actually tackle a children’s picture book about mythosaurs and being persuaded by big hopeful eyes to do the voices, I’m probably going to have to write it for the sake of my sanity if nothing else

Title is from Fleur Adcock's poem 'For a Five Year Old', because the combination of that poem and this show, what is the word... absolutely devastates me emotionally.

[paladinspride]

Hopefully this is my last VLD S7 discourse post.

I usually try to stay out of the drama but LGBTQ rep is near and dear to me and I have spent the last few days totally caught up in the discourse surrounding S7, despite my best intentions. Can I blame myself though? It is every where!  

So I am hoping if I just put all my thoughts in an under the cut post, maybe I can move on and go back to enjoying the show for what it is and creating and assuming the fanon content I enjoy. I really do like the show. I just have feelings about some decisions.

Warning, there is an essay under here:

I’ll start by reminding people, I am in my 30s and I came out as bi in the 90s so I grew up in a totally different stage of society than most of the fandom. I mention this because it is important to keep in mind that the western world was not as open and accepting as it is now and my generation did a lot to make progress happen. There is still a lot to be done, but that is another matter.

I grew up in an age where LGBTQ characters, if present, were usually evil, tortured or killed off. At best, they were a comedic side kick. When we started to get LGBTQ content, shows like Queer as Folk, were given late night time slots and considered adult and taboo.  

Shows like Modern Family were an amazing win for LGBTQ rep but animation still had/has a lot of ground work to do.

Dreamworks got flack for Gobber saying, “And that’s why I never married,” in HTTYD 2 and that was super vague.

Conservative groups were adamant that children’s content be free of “discussions of sexuality.” Gosh forbid, someone be gay so any references had to be vague and nearly undetectable. LGBTQ content was heavily censored and often out right forbidden.

Legend of Korra’s Korrasami pushed the envelope and broke ground but it’s rep was still at the very end of the series and quiet enough to sneak by censors.

Right before I watched VLD, I watched Yuri on Ice and was so moved that there was a well written animated series that depicted a same sex relationship where it wasn’t played for comedic effect, tokenism or tragedy.

When I finished YOI, I got sucked into VLD by the fan art. When I watched the show, Keith and Lance’s relationship intrigued me and I had fun imagining scenarios where they could end up together and live in domestic bliss.

The fandom ate it up. There was so much K/lance content to create and consume and so much positive response to it, that I fell in love. They became an OTP and I have dedicated my blog to them ever since.

However, this whole time I have been cautiously optimistic about the likelihood that K/lance could become canon because I imagined the crew would have a fight on their hands to make it happen. My experience with representation in media made it hard for me to let myself hope.  

But I let myself believe because of LOK, Disney having a gay character come out on one of its youth series, and shows like One Day At A Time.

Shipping meta didn’t help.          

But I tried very hard to keep my hopes in check and remind myself that fanon isn’t canon and that I am hear for the fanon. Canon would be nice but it is not the end all be all. I had to repeat this to myself a lot.

The last little while I have found myself growing exceptionally tired of “KICK” and shipper’s insistence that K/lance will be canon because I knew the fandom was getting their hopes up and that fanon and canon are separate things and I didn’t want people to get their hearts broken when fanon wasn’t represented in canon.

Also, I wanted people to focus on creating and consuming fanon content rather than scouring the canon for proof and engaging in petty ship wars, but that is some people’s idea of fun, and I can’t judge them for enjoying the show differently than me.

Anyways, despite my reservations, I let myself hope.

Then we had Shiro’s reveal. I was so excited that we were getting a strong persevering leader and POC as LGBTQ rep in a children’s animation that I didn’t even care that the likelihood of K/lance was diminished for me because there was no way I could let my self believe that we could have three characters in canon m/m relationships.

But then I watched S7 and the rep fell a little flat for me, but I was still happy there was enough insinuation that m/m youth could see themselves in Shiro.

But then they gave Ezor and Zethrid a coded scene and killed them and Adam.

I don’t think the show runners did this with any ill intent. I think they were clueless to the fact that they were committing a dangerous trope.

The show is about war, yes, and people are lost in war, but we need to have enough LGBTQ characters in animation, media in general really, that the loss of one is not such a blow.  They should have predicted the fandom outrage, but I don’t think they did, and now they are on the defensive, seemingly making things worse.  

I also felt queer baited. And I don’t use that term lightly. I have defended them against queer baiting in the past because 99% of the time, the feeling is the result of the fandom building hype by reading into things and spinning things the showrunners and Vas said and not actually baiting.

And that happened again here.

But I feel like the showrunners contributed to it this time.

But I also am not sure how they could have shut it down.

I kind of wish they would not have said anything about Shiro at SDCC and just let the viewers interpret the scene for themselves. LM and JDS saying Adam and Shiro were engaged doesn’t mean anything if they don’t show it in the show. That was their mistake.

If they were not sure they would be able to give explicit rep, they should not have said anything about it. I don’t think people would have cared as much that there was not LGBTQ rep if we were not expecting it.

I get wanting to make everyone happy and being inclusive and not wanting to spoil anything or shut down ships but ugh it made an ugly situation. I  don’t know how they could have been more honest without spoiling things though.  

(But if they really didn’t want to shut down ships, why write Lance and Keith in any romantic arcs at all? They knew how popular the ships were to make some changes? I suppose the verdict is still out on whether A/llurance and K/acxa are gonna be cannon though so I really shouldn’t assume and get upset about that yet)

The fandom is partly to blame for the hype and perceived queer baiting in the past. If people didn’t ask questions that put show runners and VAs in awkward spots or spinning things said, the hype might not be so extreme.  

But this time it feels like the show runners went with it?

Did marketers encourage the hype for ratings though? Definitely. I don’t trust marketers. There goal is to get people talking about the show, be it good or bad. It’s important to remember the show runners and the marketers are separate. Netflix pulled some shady moves with the posters and that whole folding picture thing.

And that brings me back to K/lance.  

For awhile now I am have been thinking they pulled a Zutara with K/lance and S/hallura, (Zutara is the pairing of Zuko and Katara from Avatar the Last Airbender, and the plan was for them to be canon but studio pressure suggested the audience related to Aang more so they shifted gears and made Kaang the canon romance in the last season instead).

S/hallura could have been such a beautifully written loves story of two fierce leaders and no one can tell me they don’t have chemistry and corresponding arcs.

So I was surprised when it was revealed that Shiro was the LGBTQ rep.

This made me think maybe Shiro and Adam were to be just friends and K/lance was meant to be canon after all, which is why so many of us saw canon potential in S1-3) but then it got shut down for any numbers of reasons and they decided to make Shiro the rep instead.

Barlee recently tweeted that Shiro was always meant to be the LGBTQ rep and they had to fight for what they showed though.

So this combined with the fact that they had to fight to show what little they did and the insistence that Shiro “is the rep,” makes me think K/lance isn’t happening for sure.

And I am sad about that. And that is ok. I am allowed to be sad about it. My sadness that my ship won’t be canon should not dismiss my concerns about the bury your gays trope though. They are two different issues and I am sick that people are undermining the argument because of who people ship.

I am also sad, that Barlee’s tweet suggested that LM and JDS did not get to tell the story they wanted to tell because of studio meddling. I’d really love to know what that story was.  

But I will get over it and go back to creating and consuming content for K/lance and VLD because the world that VLD created is rich and inspiring to me. I love exploring the what ifs and alternate story lines the VLD universe has to offer because that is the part of fandom I enjoy.

I enjoy the canon too, but it is just one story in a list of endless possibilities.

[news-mashable-yahoopartner-blog]

Instagram's thirst memes can open up healthy conversations about sex

The internet has changed how kids learn about sex, but sex ed in the classroom still sucks. In Sex Ed 2.0, Mashable explores the state of sex ed and imagines a future where digital innovations are used to teach consent, sex positivity, respect, and responsibility.

Love letters are overrated. In 2019, express your undeniable lust through wholesome thirst memes. 

Being a teenager is a thoroughly unpleasant experience, and nothing makes you want to shrivel up and crawl into a hole like talking about doing it. But the wholesome thirst memes of Instagram can be the ice breaker for having productive conversations about sex. 

The wholesome thirst memes of Instagram are basically very cute, very public sexts for people to send their crushes. Aesthetically, they're safe for work. If you scroll through the hashtags #saucylovememes and #softmemes, you'll find an array of cutesy images plastered with heart and sparkle emoji. 

As pure as the memes look, the content is absolutely horny. 

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by soft memes ! (@very.soft.memes) on Jan 12, 2019 at 8:49am PST

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by ♥️Daily Wholesome Memes♥️ (@wholesomeasf_) on Feb 25, 2019 at 1:26pm PST

SEE ALSO: Zodiac meme Instagram will align the stars to make you feel seen

Aside from confessing a crush (and the desire to hook up) the memes can also encourage young people to have honest, open conversations about sex and boundaries. If you're inexperienced and just starting to date someone, bringing up sex can be uncomfortable. But these memes can ease partners into a conversation about it. 

"I think they're definitely a safe way to test where you're at in a relationship or cross another line if it's ready to be crossed," the creator of @very.soft.memes said via Instagram DM. They preferred to be called just "S" for this story. 

S, who is 17, said they started the account because they used to send wholesome thirst memes to their boyfriend. Their followers use the memes to "bridge the gap between an innocent relationship and third base." 

Sex — and all things associated with it — can be intimidating. When you're in high school and inundated with health class materials of infected genitals and condom-banana tutorials, being honest about what you want in the bedroom takes a backseat. According to the creators of @bold.yet.wholesome, who are both 16, sending a crush a thirst meme eases nerves about "going at the right speed." 

"Having a serious talk about having sex can be a little daunting," bold.yet.wholesome said in a DM to Mashable. "Sending a post about it helps break the tension." 

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Lil chub chubs (@bold.yet.wholesome) on Feb 28, 2019 at 2:12pm PST

The teenagers of Gen Z are having less sex than millennials and Gen X. According to a 2018 report from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 47 percent of high schoolers said they had sex in 2005. In 2015, only 41 percent of high schoolers admitted they've had sex. As Politico points out, teenagers are "more inclined to focus on the emotional and physical risks of sex, rather than the joys." The youngest generation of Americans are less risky: they're less likely to drink, drive, and get laid —which is why confessing feelings and lust through memes is so appealing. 

Shan Boodram, a sexologist whose YouTube channel discusses relationships, sex, and self-care, says "it's easier for people — period — to talk about anything serious through humor." 

Sending someone a meme about wanting to fuck can be an easy icebreaker, instead of just launching into the awkward conversation. During a phone interview, Boodram said the memes act as an "escape route" since you don't have to "take responsibility for the words." If it backfires, you can always brush it off as a joke. 

"If you're already stressed out about how to engage in these conversations, having something with a backdoor built in — pun intended — could be nice," Boodram explained. 

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Saucyyyy (@saucyyylovememes) on Feb 23, 2019 at 7:27pm PST

Boodram is cautious about calling the memes "wholesome," though. Nodding to teenagers' "insatiable need to orgasm," she says the memes are closer to porn than they are to sweet displays of affection. 

"You know when someone insults you, but says no offense first?" Boodram said. "I feel like it's getting to be as vulgar as you want to but shrouding it with a unicorn tail on top of it." 

Jessica Melendez, a Pleasure Professional at O.school and a sex educator, adds that the memes are a "cause for pause," depending on the recipient. She's wary of the intention behind sending images of Pikachu asking to be choked — the sparkles and hearts may soften it, but if you're sending unsolicited thirst memes to a classmate or friend, it can get slimy. 

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Saucyyyy (@saucyyylovememes) on Mar 4, 2019 at 11:45am PST

"The person you're sending this to," Melendez questioned. "Do you have a relationship where you can send stuff like that to each other?"

If you're already dating it's one thing, but if you're "trying to get out of the friend zone" — as Melendez puts it — you're bound to cross a line. She's especially worried that in some states, sending the memes could count as sexting, which gets blurry when minors are involved. Although it's an "extreme view," she notes that if a teenager actually followers though with the meme requesting nudes, it can count as child pornography. 

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by self made memes 😘 (@wholesome.pdf.memes) on Mar 3, 2019 at 6:29pm PST

But if everything is safe and consensual, both sex educators see no harm in sending your boo a wholesome thirst meme. While Boodram says most of the memes she's seen have been "dick-centric," she's all for young women expressing their sexual desires — memes asking your significant other to eat you out carry an empowerment you wouldn't have seen ten years ago. 

"This notion that we have to keep people innocent is folly because a majority of people aren't," Boodram said, acknowledging that although she thought most of the memes focused on male pleasure, she loves anything that validates girls' sexuality. "Using their sexual parts for what they're meant to be used for, if that is a loss of innocence, then I think a lot of people lost [that] far beyond when people think you're supposed to give teens the talk." 

Despite once being teens themselves, adults are woefully ignorant when it comes to approaching middle and high schoolers about sex. Just look at basic emoji "explainers" that try to decipher sexts. One particularly horrifying explainer in The Times described the eggplant emoji: "One might be forgiven for interpreting the inclusion of this emoji as an invitation to enjoy moussaka. However, the aubergine is also used to indicate an erection." 

The Times emoji explainer is killing me. 🍆 🍑 🔥 pic.twitter.com/uA8Th2Mc62

— Latika M Bourke (@latikambourke) February 22, 2019

Yeah, it's bad. 

While adults may rush to censor and block adolescents from anything vaguely sexual, Melendez says they "miss the big picture" because thirst memes are just another form of expression. 

"Young people will draw things, young people will write things," Melendez said. "Young people might make memes to express their humor [and] say something they really want to say to somebody else." 

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Owner:🤠 Co Owner:😼 (@luvlywholesome) on Nov 22, 2018 at 10:42am PST

The memes are also a side effect of a larger trend: the demand for female pleasure. Boodram credits social media for the rise in what she dubbed "clit culture." 

Melendez says that as a sex educator, getting teenagers to comfortably discuss sex can be challenging, but the popularity of the memes can encourage young women who weren’t raised to be open about it.

"As far as bringing those memes into light, it definitely has shifted the narrative that anyone of any gender can talk about sex, think about sex, [and] can consensually have sex," Melendez said. "As opposed to what the narrative was maybe eight or ten years ago."

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by wholesome memes ♥ (@ily.memess) on Feb 7, 2019 at 4:23am PST

Is there really a difference between Romeo and Juliet's romantic innuendoes (Juliet wants Romeo's daggers in her sheath) and telling someone they give you an "affection erection?" Young love isn't dead — it's just on Instagram and extremely horny.  

WATCH: The royal family combats internet trolls with new rules of conduct

[bitterbuttercups]

Review: Beach Beasties Draculaura and Lagoona Blue, and Gloom Beach Frankie Stein

Yesterday, on the way to dinner, we passed a Five and Under and I found these three girls on sale and couldn’t resist! I had so much fun with my last review I knew I had to talk about these, too.

Kala Mer’ri and Posea Reef, who I reviewed previously had much nicer and more exciting packaging than these three, but, the simplicity of the window box feels intentional here.

I’m not as much of a fan of the pink body colour she has, it feels very generic somehow, but i do love how bright and fun her hair and her bathing suit is.

First thing I noticed with Frankie was that instead of her stitches being molded plastic, they’re bright and painted! That’s cool!

And Lagoona, oh my goodness. I’m in love with her bathing suit! Teal and red is my absolute favourite colour scheme. 

The backdrop for Draculaura and Lagoona is a mostly monochrome blue  with an off center coffin shape frame. I found it really easy to get out of the package, too! the bottom isn’t sealed as you can see, so I just ran a finger under the plastic and it popped right off. Most of the plastic ties holding them down were fine and not terrifically intrusive, but I was very dismayed to again see plastic ties in her head attached to the carboard. What am I supposed to do with that? Cutting them risks cutting her hair and even then leaves nasty little pointy plastic pieces embedded in her head. I don’t like it and I wish they would find a better way to secure their heads.

Frankie’s Gloom Beach box is similar, in that it’s also monochrome and has the coffin shaped frame, but it’s yellow instead of blue, and has a sandcastle at the front and an appropriate skullete in the background. I think I like Frankie’s more.

But we can only talk about one at time, so I’m going to start with Lagoona. I like the art on her box. She’s got a little hang ten thing going on. I wonder if Lagoona likes to surf? It does seem like a sea monster girl’s hobby. 

I think the back of her box is nice. It’s very simplistic compared to some other boxes I’ve seen, but since the front was also pretty simple, I think it works.

I kind of expected this to have information on Lagoona herself instead of just the line, but I guess that’s fine. I think it’s a little weird though, that since Lagoona and Draculaura have the same excerpt on the back of their boxes, it should have larger text so that it could fill up the entire box. It looks a little unfinished- or at least, it looks like the box was made seperately than the text, so I expected their boxes to say different things, but they don’t.

You know, I do have a lot of problems with the body images fashion dolls promote. I am unhappy with how boy dolls are thicker than girl dolls and how skinny girl dolls are, but I do respect that Monster High pushes inclusion and uniqueness in such a genuine sense. I’ve seen Monster High dolls with artificial limbs and even a doll in a wheelchair, and I read the back of my Posea Reef box and it looks like she has ADHD. I have ADHD! I thought that was really nice and it made me smile. 

There’s also a picture of Draculaura from this set, who I also got, and Venus McFlytrap, who I really wish I had! I grew up in Cape Fear, the only place in the world the Venus Flytrap is native to. I like her colours and her fuzzy undercut. I do think her name could have been a little more creative though. Venus is a perfectly good name, but McFlytrap isn’t exactly a pun or anything.

And there’s Lagoona herself, out of the box!

She has grey-blue skin with fins on her arms and legs, and straw-gold hair with cerulean streaks.

She’s got a soft, clear plastic headband and a pair of hard clear plastic sunglasses. It looks like she has a small button nose and large lips, but we’ll get a better look at her when we get her accessories off.

And oh but my favourite part of Lagoona is her arms and hands! Her arms below the elbow and her hands are cast in clear blue plastic and then painted to match her skin tone, except for the webbing between her fingers and the fins on her arms. I know in my last review I said I don’t like webbed hands but the reason I don’t is that it makes hands look blobby and vague, but this is such a neat gimmick! All her fingers are still visible and individual and I am a HUGE sucker for clear plastic.

She also has clear plastic detachable fins on her legs. 

They peg in and out so that you can get pants over her legs, which makes sense. I can imagine I’m going to lose them within an hour, though, which has me wary. They also have different pegs so you can’t put them in the wrong leg.

She’s also got bright orange clear plastic shoes. They’re made of soft vinyl so the thinner parts are flexible, but the thicker parts are not. These are wedge sandals. I wish she could wear some truly beachy flip flops, but fashion feet stand on their tip toes and she can’t really wear flats. Or stand on her own. Try as I might I could not get any of these three to stand on their own during this review, and I don’t own a doll stand and they didn’t come with any. So I leaned them against my backdrop for the most of this.

Her bating suit is a cute pattern. Lots of little swirls, and some little tentacles and fishes which go with her sea monster theme. 

The ruffle on Lagoona’s shoulder is very cute with a double tier of pink polka dotted teal ruffled fabric with a line of clear red plastic sewn on. My only problem with this design is that I feel like it would look better if the lower side was a little higher, so that the plastic was above her bust. Having the fabric cover her bust there seems a little accidental looking, and initially I thought it was when I was redressing her. It’s not that bad, I just think it would look better that way.

It velcros shut at the back and layers pretty flat. It also has puffy little plastic circles around her thighs. I like those too! They have a lot of character.

Her head accessories are all tied on with plastic bands. A lot of them, actually. Lagoona’s head is hard and filled with glue. it doesn’t turn well and cannot look up or down.

There’s even more on the back. Her glasses don’t really loop around anything, they just sort of stay on her head by pressing against the sides. they’re okay- they’ll definitely stay on for a photograph, but not for much playtime. Her hairband has a peg at the back. It stays pretty solidly pegged in which is nice.

She also comes with a green clear plastic shell shaped purse. It’s made of soft plastic so it opens easily. I think it’s very cute, and usually I would wish for some paint apps, but I am a sucker for clear plastic, especially soft clear plastic and I love it as its. It’s got lots of nice details- the row of pearls at the bottom and for the handle, the little stars (starfish?) where the pearls attacks, and the little ribbings along the shells bumps.

I found her hand a little annoying to get through the bag loop- It was of course very easy to get on by taking her hand off and sliding her wrist through, but the opening is big enough to fit her hand through without taking it off, meaning it can slide off after you’ve put her arm through. I wish it would either be a little bigger of an opening so she could pick it up easier or a little smaller so she could hold it better, instead of just being pretty okay at both. It’s not a major complaint, but it is something I noticed.

I took off her accessories and let her hair down. I was a little annoyed by the gel in her hair. It made it stiff and unpleasant to brush- it was only on the underside, but I didn’t like it. I should probably wash it, but I don’t really feel like doing that right now. Washing hair is a big to do for me.

Other than that, her hair is pretty soft. It’s also layered, so parts of it are shorter than others.

From the front, I think her eyes are a little unfocused. I like her pink-lavendar-blue eyeshadow and I love the little blue highlight under her eye. She also has shimmery eyeshadow below her eyebrows, and those I’m less favourable towards. I don’t know where the purple comes from? The shape is nice but she has yellow and blue hair. So, uh? what? alright.

Her freackles are maybe a little dark. They lightened them for her packaging art and I can kind of see why. Maybe if she had some spots on her nose it would look better. It doesn’t look terrible though. I like her eyeshadow though, the bottom of it looks a little like fishy fin webbing, which is neat. I thought monster high eyes usually had a line-dot style of reflection, but this is two small dots. I like the lines better.

She has very large pink lips and I actually like these. Sometimes the pointy corners of the lipstick doesn’t match the edges of a girl’s lips and it looks weird up close. Lagoona’s looks nice though. Her nose is super small though. small and flat. 

yeesh. and from a profile, her nose looks creepy and alien. Her forehead feels too long and her face is so flat. I don’t like it. #GiveLagoonaANose2K17

It doesn’t look much better at a three quarter profile. Her lips still look nice but her nose just. It all falls apart in the center of her face.

Also, check it out! She has cute little fishy fin ears!

And here she is without her bathing suit. I like her leg fins, but I’m not sure the plastic actually matches the colour of her arm plastic.

I also noticed Lagoona has some information stamped between her upper shoulders. 

Hey! This is my first doll with feet and my third aquatic girl, funnily enough. She has those fashion feet and can’t stand on her own. I wish she could wear flats. :( I understand it’s easier for shoes and for molding and heels are more versatile and all kinds of stuff, but, I just like flats. And I don’t like heels. I get it, I do, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it.

And wow, she sure has some detail! her ankle is visible even from the front and all her toes have been molded and shaped. It’s pretty neat, actually- I remember my childhood barbies all had Lumps for feet.

She’s got molded panties, too, with a little checkered diamond pattern. They do this for modesty purposes, which makes sense. 

they do mold their butts, though. Also, Lagoona has a little extra plastic on hers.

Speaking of defects, she also has a little plastic rub on her forearm. You can really see the colour difference between her arm paint and the upper arm plastic here- it’s not very noticeable in real life, but it is in photos.

I really like the detail monster high dolls have in their bodies- she has smooth little collarbones and a belly button and I really think it goes the extra mile. Plain dolls with flat upper chests and tummies look very weird to me in an uncanny valley type way.

Here’s everything she came with! Her bathing suit, her headband, sunglasses, purse, shoes, and towel- which had one white stitch of fabric holding it together I needed to cut.

I wish her towel was wider. She can’t like, wear it like a bath towl, which is unfortunate I think. It’s a nice set piece to lay her on or put i her bag, but, come on, one more inch.

At this point I put her hair up in a ponytail except for the front parts. I think it looks really cute, even with the weird little wave in the middle.

It almost looks like it’s flowing over her shoulders, but, it’s just a very conveniently placed kink. She can hang out like that for awhile until I wanna take more pictures of her.

Next up is Draculaura! I love the pun in her name but I think it’s odd she’s like, the only one with no last name!

It says the same thing as Lagoona’s, except that she’s the daughter of Dracula.

This one has another picture of Venus (wistful sigh) and Lagoona, who I just finished talking about!

Pink is my favourite colour! I love bright bright pink. My hair is that colour, my car is that colour. If they let you buy it in pink I buy it in pink. However I don’t think bright pink and light pink go well together. So I love her hair and her outfit, but, her skin feels off, like it doesn’t really match.

Draculaura also cannot stand. She’s kissing the wall a lil bit.

It looks like she has a sharp face, and I like it. I also love her hair- I love the curly pigtails and while a lot of people hate bangs on dolls? I’m into it.

I think her hair is split nicely- the plugs are crossed so you can’t see her plastic head.

Look how cute her bathing suit is! White and black distressed stripes with hot pink bat outlines and pink ruffles along the thighs and the neck, down past the bust to a hot pink palstic waist bow. I love everything about this swimsuit, 10/10 character appropriate and with a great colour scheme and design.

The back of her swimsuit velcros shut.

She’s wearing hot pink heels with a little ribbon around her ankle and a bow on the toe. There’s a slit on the back I forgot to take a photo of, making it easier to get off her foot, but, her shoe is a little finnicky to get off.

She’s got a very sassy face! I like the shape.

Very pink

very pink.

Draculaura also has molded panties, but I think these are actually dots, not diamonds? My Draculaura has these two blue black dots on her right hip. They won’t come off.

Maybe they are diamonds? I’m not sure. They look a little different from Lagoona’s, but maybe I’m seeing things.

Let’s take a look at your pretty face!

She also has a button nose like Lagoona, but hers is more pronounced and her forehead is shorter. She has thin eyes and very pronounced eyelids and very sharp dark eyelashes. Her eyes are purple and these have the white streaks. She also has medium brown eyebrows, a red heart on her cheek, and bright red lipstick with white fangs. 

You know, I like the shape of everything here but not the colour. Why does she have such large brown eye shadow? Why brown? Brown might go with her light pink skin but certainly not with the otherwise bright pink colour scheme of her hair and her clothes. It’s a little weird and doesn’t match I think. Also, again, with the eyebrows! Why are they brown? I like her lips and her lip colour- usually pink and red don’t go togehter, but it’s okay here.

She has a much nicer profile than Lagoona does. I think this looks fine, but her brown eye makeup could at least be pointy, couldn’t it? I guess not.

She has a nice three quarter profile. 

Here’s everything she came with. Her swimsuit, her shoes (would you wear those to the beach?), her sunglasses, her sunscreen, her totebag, and her towel. I really like her towel- it matches her bathing suit by essentially being the exact opposite of it. Her tote has the same problem Lagoona’s does, though.

I especially like her little sunscreen bottle hehe. The black design is printed directly n so its not a sticker, which is cool. It says “SPF: 500,”Which is super appropriate, because she’s a vampire, hanging out at the beach. Haha.

And there’s Frankie! I think she’s the main character of the line. She’s front and center on the website and she’s in all the movies. I like her personality. Frankie is outgoing and likeable and is always trying to help people and make new friends. I think she’s a very good role model for young girls.

She also came with this cute postcard!

Aw, it’s to Ghoulia. I think this is a really sweet little postcard.

And there she is out of her box!

I took off her sunglasses to turn her around because I found them very cumbersome- they’re shaped like lightning bolts which makes her hair ruffle up around them as they get caught in the corners.

I like her eye focus a lot, she doesn’t look cross eyed like some other dolls do.

I think her bathing suit is really cute and matches her electricity theme well. It’s also a little offbeat with the blue and yellow stripes and the tartan- but it all still looks very cohesive! Her wrap is very annoying to deal with because it keeps sliding up her waist, but it looks really really nice.

It velcros very low on her back and you can see the problem this outfit has. Her shoulder straps came with a plastic band tying them together and I can see why- they will NOT stop slipping down her shoulders. I wish they’d just made it a higher cut back.

Well would ya just LOOK at that sweet face! She’s really been designed to look friendly. A wider button nose and a big round chin and very gentle eyes. I like her lipstick especially- it really really matches everything well. I think her heterochromia is super fun! And I like the bluegreen eyeshadow she’s wearing. She also has the white flecks of light in her eyes and some purplish dots? It doesn’t show up well in her green eye. She’s also got brown eyelashes. Again, I’m confused by this. She has has a little line of frankenstein stitches on her right cheek. They don’t look like the ones on her body, but I can see why- those would probably look very intrusive on her face.

And hey, oh my goodness! She has little earrings that match her neck bolts.

Frankie has a good profile with pouty lips, a nice sized forehead, and a round nose. I think her eye rounds oddly from this angle, but I love her jaw! It makes it look like she has a little babyfat in her cheeks.

The stitches on her neck and body use a reflective silver paint and then a black outline. They are not molded to her body but I actually like them a lot like this and probably prefer them. She also has steel coloured neck bolts!

Her sunglasses are really annoying to mess with but they look really nice. A nice bright blue with electric bolts on the sides. I love clear plastic haha

I also really love her sandles. The paint is a little messy but it’s also fun. She has black wedgish sandals with yellow straps and bright blue buckles.

You can see them a lot better from this angle.

and oh my god! I thought EAH had my favourite hands.... holy cow! Look at them. They’re gentle and delicate.

very soft palms.

and just look at this. it’s beautiful and artistic. It reminds me of a Renaissance painting.

She can actually sit up on her own quite nicely! She doesn’t need any support for that.

But she can’t really bend her knees much.

I was half expecting her to have a secret line of stitches somewhere!

I like her pale green body. It’s not quite mint, but it’s not gross.

Her hips look very weird when you pull them apart though!

Here’s everything she came with! (I realized too later her bathing suit was inside out, sorry) Her bathing suit, her sandals, her wrap, her brush, her sunglasses, her hairband (which I found SUPER difficult to unsnap and open), and her bag. I like her bag, but it doesn’t seem very beachy to me, even though its very detailed and looks good with her.

but you know what the best part of dolls are? Playing with their clothes!

First up, here’s Lagoona in Frankie’s outfit!

And then Lagoona in Draculaura’s!

Draculaura in Frankie��s outfit!

And Draculaura in Lagoona’s outfit!

Frankie in Lagoona’s outfit!

And lastly, Frankie in Draculaura’s outfit!

Aaaand just a few group shots. :)

Final thoughts:

These three dolls cannot stand on their own and all three have very hard heads, though Lagoona’s is the worst. They are not as articulated as some other dolls, but they move well enough for nice photos and fun play, and they have really nice outfits unique to their characters! I think they are fun to play with, but I also think that because they have a beach theme their outfits are simpler than some other dolls and that they have fun colours and shapes and faces and I really enjoy them. I hope I find more at the next Five and Under I stop at!

[7r0773r]

The Plague by Albert Camus, translation by Stuart Gilbert

We gather that Tarrou was agreeably impressed by a little scene that took place daily on the balcony of a house facing his window. His room at the hotel looked on to a small side street and there were always several cats sleeping in the shadow of the walls. Every day, soon after lunch, at a time when most people stayed indoors, enjoying a siesta, a dapper little old man stepped out on to the balcony on the other side of the street. He had a soldierly bearing, very erect, and affected a military style of dressing; his snow-white hair was always brushed to perfect smoothness. Leaning over the balcony he would call, ‘Pussy! Pussy!’ in a voice at once haughty and endearing. The cats blinked up at him with sleep-pale eyes, but made no move as yet. He then proceeded to tear some paper into scraps, and let them fall into the street; interested by the fluttering shower of white butterflies, the cats came forward, lifting tentative paws towards the last scraps of paper. Then, taking careful aim, the old man would spit vigorously a the cats and whenever a liquid missile hit the quarry would beam with delight. (pp. 20-21)

***

The doctor opened the window, and at once the noises of the town grew louder. The brief, intermittent sibilance of a machine-saw came from a near-by workshop. Rieux pulled himself together. There lay certitude; there, in the daily round. All the rest hung on mere threads and trivial contingencies; you couldn’t waste your time on it. The thing was to do your job as it should be done. (p.33)

***

It is noteworthy that our townspeople very quickly desisted, even in public, from a habit one might have expected them to form; that of trying to figure out the probably duration of their exile. The reason was this. When the most pessimistic had fixed it at, say, six months; when they had drunk in advance the dregs of bitterness of those six black months, and painfully screwed up their courage to the sticking-place, straining all their remaining energy to endure valiantly the long ordeal of all they met, an article in a newspaper, a vague suspicion, or a flash of foresight would suggest that, after all, there was no reason why the epidemic shouldn’t last more than six months; why not a year, or even more?

At such moments the collapse of their courage, will-power, and endurance was so abrupt that they felt they could never drag themselves out of the pit of despond into which they had fallen. Therefore they forced themselves never to think about the problematic day of escape, to cease looking to the future, and always to keep, so to speak, their eyes fixed on the ground at their feet. But, naturally enough, this prudence, this habit of feinting with their predicament and refusing to put up a fight were ill rewarded. For, while averting that revulsion which they found so unbearable, they also deprived themselves of those redeeming moments, frequent enough when all is told, when by conjuring up pictures of a reunion to be, they could forget about the plague. Thus, in a middle course between these heights and depths, they drifted through life rather than lived, the prey of aimless days and sterile memories, like wandering shadows that could have acquired substance only by consenting to root themselves in the solid earth of their distress.

Thus, too, they came to know the incorrigible sorrow of all prisoners and exiles, which is to live in company with a memory that serves no purpose. Even the past, of which they thought incessantly, had a savour only of regret. For they would have wished to add to it all that they regretted having left undone, while they might yet have done it, with the man or woman whose return they now awaited; just as in all the activities, even the relatively happy ones, of their life as prisoners they kept vainly trying to include the absent one. And thus there was always something missing in their lives. Hostile to the past, impatient of the present, and cheated of the future, we were much like those whom men’s justice, or hatred, forces to live behind prison bars. Thus the only way of escaping from that intolerable leisure was to set the trains running again  in one’s imagination and in filling the silence with the fancied tinkle of a door-bell, in practice obstinately mute. (pp. 58-60)

***

Rieux stood up: his face was now in shadow. ‘Let’s drop the subject,’ he said, ‘as you won’t answer.’

Tarrou remained seated in his chair; he was smiling again.

‘Suppose I answer with a question?’

The doctor now smiled, too.

‘You like being mysterious, don’t you? . . . Yes, fire away.’

‘My question’s this,’ said Tarrou. ‘Why do you yourself show such devotion, considering you don’t believe in God? I suspect your answer may help me to mine.’

His face still in shadow, Rieux said that he’d already answered: that if he believed in an all-powerful God he would cease curing the sick and leave that to Him. But no one in the world believed in a God of that sort; no, not even Paneloux, who believed that he believed in such a God. And this was proved by the fact that no one ever threw himself on Providence completely. Anyhow, in this respect Rieux believed himself to be on the right road -- in fighting against creation as he found it. (pp. 101-02)

***

However, it is not the narrator’s intention to ascribe to these sanitary groups more importance than their due. Doubtless today many of our fellow-citizens are apt to yield to the temptation of exaggerating the services they rendered. But the narrator is inclined to think that by attributing over-importance to praiseworthy actions one may, by implication, be paying indirect but potent homage to the worst side of human nature. For this attitude implies that such actions shine out as rare exceptions, while callousness and apathy are the general rule. The narrator does not share that view. The evil that is in the world always comes of ignorance, and good intentions may do as much harm as malevolence, if they lack understanding. On the whole men are more good than bad; that, however, isn’t the real point. But they are more or less ignorant, and it is this that we call vice or virtue; the most incorrigible vice being that of an ignorance which fancies it knows everything and therefore claims for itself the right to kill. The soul of the murderer is blind; and there can be no true goodness nor true love without the utmost clear-sightedness. (p. 105)

***

‘So  you haven’t understood yet?’ Rambert shrugged his shoulders almost scornfully.

‘Understood what?’

‘The plague.’

‘Ah!’ Rieux exclaimed.

‘No, you haven’t understood that it means exactly that -- the same thing over and over and over again.’ (p. 129)

***

Rieux rose. He suddenly appeared very tired.

‘You’re right, Rambert, quite right, and for nothing in the world would I try to dissuade you from what you’re going to do; it seems to me absolutely right and proper. However, there’s one thing I must tell you; there’s no question of heroism in all this. It’s a matter of common decency. That’s an idea which may make some people smile, but the only means of fighting a plague is -- common decency.’

‘What do you mean by “common decency”?’ Rambert’s tone was grave.

‘I don’t know what it means for other people. But in my case I know that it consists in doing my job.’ (pp. 130-31)

***

So much energy was expended on filling up forms, hunting round for supplies, and queueing up, that people had no time to think of the manner in which others were dying around them and they themselves would die one day. Thus the growing complications of our everyday life, which might have been an affliction, proved to be a blessing in disguise. Indeed, had not the epidemic, as already mentioned, spread its ravages, all would have been for the best. (p. 140)

***

Our fellow-citizens had fallen into line, adapted themselves, as people say, to the situation, because there was no way of doing otherwise. Naturally they retained the attitudes of sadness and suffering, but they had ceased to feel their sting. Indeed to some, Dr Rieux amongst them, this precisely was the most disheartening thing; that the habit of despair is worse than despair itself. Hitherto those who were parted had not been utterly unhappy, there was always a gleam of hope in the night of their distress, but that gleam had now died out. you could see them at street-corners, in cafés, of friends’ houses, listless, indifferent, and looking so bored that, because of them the whole town seemed like a railway waiting-room. Those who had jobs went about them at the exact tempo of the plague, with dreary perseverance. Everyone was modest. For the first time exiles from those they loved had no reluctance to talking freely about them, using the same words as everybody else, and regarding their deprivation from the same angle as that from which they viewed the latest statistics of the epidemic. This change was striking since, until now, they had jealously withheld their personal grief from the common stock of suffering; now they accepted its inclusion. Without memories, without hope, they lived for the moment only. Indeed the Here and Now had come to mean everything to them. For there is no denying that the plague had gradually killed off in all of us the faculty not of love only but even of friendship. Naturally enough, since love asks something of the future, and nothing was left us but a series of present moments. (p. 146)

***

(Tarrou) ‘. . . In fact, it comes to this: nobody is capable of really thinking about anyone, even in the worst calamity. For really to think about someone means thinking about that person every minute of the day, without letting one’s thoughts be diverted by anything; by meals, by a fly that settles on one’s cheek, by household duties, or by a sudden itch somewhere. But there are always flies and itches. That’s why life is difficult to live. And these people know it only too well.’ (p. 194)

***

(Tarrou) ‘I’m still of the same mind. For many years I’ve been ashamed, mortally ashamed, of having been, even with the best intentions, even at many removes, a murderer in my turn. As time went on I merely learned that even those who were better than the rest could not keep themselves nowadays from killing or letting others kill, because such is the logic by which they live; and that we can’t stir a finger in this world without the risk of bringing death to somebody. Yes, I’ve been ashamed ever since; I have realized that we all have plague, and I have lost my peace. And today I am still trying to find it; still trying to understand all those others and not to be the mortal enemy of anyone. I only know that one must do what one can to cease being plague-stricken, and that’s the only way in which we can hope for some peace or, failing that, a decent death. This, and only this, can bring relief to men and, if not save them, at least do them the least harm possible and even, sometimes, a little good. So that is why I resolved to have no truck with anything which, directly or indirectly, for good reasons or for bad, brings death to anyone, or justifies others’ putting him to death.’ (p. 203)

***

He could guess that through the mists of the past years, from the depth of his fond despair, Jeanne’s young voice was rising, echoing in Grand’s ears. And he knew, also, what the old man was thinking as his tears flowed, and he, Rieux, thought it too: that a loveless world is a dead world, and always there comes an hour when one is weary of prisons, of one’s work, and of devotion to duty, and all one craves for is a loved face, the warmth and wonder of a loving heart. (p. 210)

***

At that moment he knew what his mother was thinking, and that she loved him. But he knew, too, that to love someone means relatively little; or, rather, that love is never strong enough to find the words befitting it. Thus he and his mother would always love each other silently. And one day she -- or he -- would die, without ever, all their lives long, having gone farther than this by way of making their affection known. Thus, too, he had lived at Tarrou’s side and Tarrou had died this evening without their friendship’s having had time to enter fully into the life of either. Tarrou had ‘lost the match’, as he put it. But what had he, Rieux, won? No more than the experience of having known plague and remembering it, of having known friendship and remembering it, of knowing affection and being destined one day to remember it. So all a man could win in the conflict between plague and life was knowledge and memories. But Tarrou, perhaps, would have called that winning the match. (p. 234)

***

. . . Dr Rieux resolved to compile this chronicle, so that he should not be one of those who hold their peace but should bear witness in favour of those plague-stricken people; so that some memorial of the injustice and outrage done them might endure; and to state quite simply what we learn in a time of pestilence: that there are more things to admire in men than to despise.

None the less, he knew that the tale he had to tell could not be one of a final victory. It could be only the record of what had had to be done, and what assuredly would have to be done again in the never-ending fight against terror and its relentless onslaughts, despite their personal afflictions, by all who, while unable to be saints but refusing to bow down to pestilences, strive their utmost to be healers.

And, indeed, as he listened to the cries of joy rising from the town, Rieux remembered that such joy is always imperiled. He knew what those jubilant crowds did not know but could have learned from books: that the plague bacillus never dies or disappears for good; that it can lie dormant for years and years in furniture and linen-chests; that it bides its time in bedrooms, cellars, trunks, and bookshelves; and that perhaps the day would come when, for the bane and the enlightening of men, it roused up its rats again and sent them forth to die in a happy city. (p. 248)